Teen Message Board

Message Board

Teen Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in three business days.

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails.

Questions Answers
My mom is a chronic alcoholic, and she is drunk almost all the time. She gets really angry and mean when she’s drunk and she takes it out on me. She yells at me for things that happened before I was even born, she yells at me for really dumb things like the amount of sugar I put in my tea and she threatens me often. Most of the time I don’t even know what she’s yelling at me for, which makes me very self conscious and I feel like I’m always doing everything wrong. (Edited for length)She constantly talks trash about my dad and his family because she believes that he manipulated me to not love her. I do love her very much but she doesn’t treat me like a person, she doesn’t treat me like her daughter and she doesn’t seem to love or care about me at all. Am I actually being abused or am I overreacting and if I am, should I take action? I feel trapped.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. What you are experiencing sounds like verbal and emotional abuse. If you would like to talk to someone, we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200.  Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be of help to you, our crisis advocates can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!

So my friend was a victim of sexual assault close to a year ago. We recently went for
vacation to the beach and she had a breakdown one day because a man was following her while on the beach which I guess triggered memories from the assault?

This confused me because she would wear very short shorts (up to her butt cheek) and tops that revealed her bra when going out. Mind you, there’s absolutely no problem with that but it’s like she was purposely dressing to attract male attention. Well any attention at that.

We would also go to clubs and one night I noticed that when she saw me get approached by a guy to dance she immediately took a guy to dance with her. Then she told us (while laughing and shouting) that the guy tried to finger her. I was very confused how she didn’t get triggered by all that, but got a mental breakdown when that man from the beach started following her. She was also telling me at the club how a guy tried to grab her and tell her to grind with him but the story seemed very far fetched and made up.

I truly think that she makes up or exaggerates these stories to make herself feel like she’s being desired and getting male attention when she’s not. She especially does this when she sees that I’m getting attention and she isn’t and it just seems like she has to make up stuff to feel better about herself and make things be about her.

Does my friend have issues with self esteem and male attention? Or am I being too hard on her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate you wanting to engage with our agency regarding your feelings and appreciate your honesty. For individuals who have experienced sexual assault, they find that friends and family expect that they should be ready to move on with their life as soon as family/friends are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand sexual assault know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being assaulted affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people who are assaulted experience symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and, although symptoms do get better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the assault long after it happened. There is no time period or deadline when they should “get over it”. Healing from such a violation is a complicated and individual process. If you truly care for your friend you will support them even if you don’t understand their triggers because everyone’s triggers are different. People who have been sexually assaulted are allowed to be sexual creatures but also get triggered by people following them on beaches. We understand you have to hold your own personal boundaries in supporting your friend, but the number one barrier that survivors of sexual assault face are not being believed and supported. It might be beneficial if you spent some time researching sexual assault and trauma-informed ways to discuss this with your friend. If you need further support or want someone to discuss this with, please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Me and my friend, who I have a crush on and really want to see again, were supposed to hang out soon but he said he couldn’t and he couldn’t do anything until August. It breaks my heart and idk if it’s because of me, or if he just can’t.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this and can imagine why you would be upset. We understand that this is someone you are really motivated towards spending time with because you have feelings for them, and that’s incredibly valid. However, you shouldn’t assume that they don’t want to spend time with you because they didn’t say that, that’s the assumption you are putting on the situation. If you are seriously concerned I would bring it up directly and give them a space to either own that or speak otherwise. But also remember, if someone doesn’t want to spend time with you then you are better off without them. You deserve to spend time with people who value your friendship and being with you. If you ever want further support or just someone to talk to please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Which is the best way to tell this guy to leave me alone?

1.Look, I’m sorry. I’m not ready nor old enough to actually be in a one on one relationship. I’ve found that if I follow my feelings, then I usually do the right thing. Although I really love, and care for you. Something feels off. Somethings not right. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s there. Im not looking for a boy to be my forever. I want to be able to slowly get to know someone. Become friends first, and then go on a couple of dates before I start holding hands and all that Jazz. I’m flattered you like me, I really am. But we’re 15! I think we deserve to live a little, date some people, enjoy life. Before giving everything to one person. I want you to be able to move on, to find someone with the same morals and same values as you do. We don’t have that. I’m sorry.

2. Okay, I really like you. And I think you’re amazing. But I don’t think that this is going to work out. Not now. We both have different morals and values, and they… well they clash. I want to be able to date and have fun. Not feel like I am with one person and feel like I’m cheating when I’m doing what I want and am expected to do. We’re both so young, and we should be allowed to meet others. It’s not that I’m not ready, it’s that I don’t want to. I don’t want to be in a one on one relationship. I want to be friends first. And thats it. And you’re not that type of boy. I’m flattered that you like me, but I think it’s time we split paths. And you go on to do your football and wrestling, living your life. And I go on to school and volunteering. Please don’t get yourself hurt by thinking about me. Make this a memory, preferably a good one. And move on. I’m sorry. But this is goodbye

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this. We want you to know that we are here to support you, and we can imagine that this is really stressful and upsetting. You have to do what is best for you. You are in a critical time of self-growth and development and you do not need to be constantly catering to someone who does not have your needs or well-being in mind. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence, and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The message boards are intended to be a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you speak to a trusted adult or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800. 843. 5200.
 
Well my family is falling apart at this point I don’t know what to do my sister got pregnant and her boyfriend lives in our house for free doesn’t even care about helping around or working but me and my brother get kicked out and mistreated because it’s not right for him to leave at our house for free my own mother mistreats us and treats us like crap she cares more about my sister and her kid when she’s a kid herself she’s only 19 no job no school the poor kid is gonna suffer because how these two are raised . I’m literally tired of how I get mistreated and don’t know if there’s something out there I can do my mom complains about bills but throws the money in our face . She chooses them over us which makes it seem like they don’t care about us. Help Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today.  We are so sorry that you are experiencing such a stressful situation.  It appears that you and your brother reached out to your mother to explain the situation that is transpiring in your household and you were not expecting your mother’s response to be so volatile and disrespectful which is so unfortunate.  Every individual deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.  Is this something you feel comfortable discussing with a trusted adult, like a parent’s friend or even a teacher? We want to provide you further support and possible resources but we also want to make sure that you have someone in your life that you can talk to about this situation who might be able to help further. Please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss this further, you are not alone. 

Hi. I am a 16 year old heterosexual girl. I am very interested in exploring and having new experiences but I have never been attracted to girls or women in my life. I find the idea of me with another girl/woman a turn off and very unlikely. But still, for some time now, I have started to find lesbian couples very sexy and exciting. What does that mean? please help me.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your feelings today, we can imagine that this is confusing and we appreciate your courage and honesty. It’s not always easy to talk about sexuality, but opening a dialogue creates more space for people to express themselves and feel not so alone. We want to express that sexual identity is much more fluid than normative society tends to represent it as, and we want to encourage you to not feel pressured to put yourself into a box. Straight, Gay, Bisexual, these are also labels that can be helpful in expressing your identity, but can be harmful if you are struggling to understand or validate your sexual identity. Whatever you feel is valid. If you feel an attraction towards someone, if it’s romantic or sexual, regardless of their gender identity, it is valid. It is normal to find things new or not what you are used to, exciting or sexy. Even if you don’t typically feel attracted to that gender identity, but has feelings of attraction, that is healthy and normal. It can be rooted in emotions of appreciation, love, attraction, many different complex emotions besides sexy. You are not alone, and it is ok to feel how you feel
I’m a 18 year old female and I’m severely depressed. I can’t remember a time in my short life that I was truly happy. I don’t know what to do, every night I go to sleep I just wish I’d disappear. What can I do to stop this feeling? Depression is really tough and we are glad you reached out. You don’t have to go through this alone and there are resources to help. Because WEAVE focuses on dating, domestic and sexual violence we think it’s a good idea to give you additional resources. There’s the Teen Line that has folks available to talk, text or chat – their website has all these options at teenlineonline.org/. If you are feeling like you may harm yourself you can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat through their website at suicidepreventionlifeline.org. We encourage you to reach out and get the support you deserve.
Hello, I am a 16 year old girl and my abusive ex-boyfriend raped me about a year ago and recorded sex without permission. I did not report it back then because I was being brainwashed by my abuser. I have now been able to separate from him and seek therapy and begin recovery. It makes me feel awful that he’s getting away with this however I’m afraid to contact the police. Advice? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we want to say that we are so sorry that this happened to you, and we want you to know that we believe you. You are not alone, and we are here to help you. We understand that you are feeling anxious regarding reporting this, and we would love to provide you some support surrounding that. We have Legal advocates who may be able to talk to you about what all your options are in regards to reporting and what exactly that would look like. Regardless, we would like to provide you further support and connection to resources, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
This guy sent me dick pics and I feel guilty even tho I did nothing wrong. I didn’t even ask for them but I still feel guilty. And I’m going to high school with him and idk what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Another helpful resource can be the CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
My boyfriend told me he has been jerking off to the thought of other women. Do I have the right to be upset? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We understand why this situation is very stressful to you. Unfortunately we can’t tell you what to do, only you can determine what is upsetting to you, but communicating with compassion and understanding can be the key. We would like to encourage you to practice setting some boundaries because this will lead to a healthier understanding of yourself and your relationship. Boundaries can be hard, but they are absolutely necessary. If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance of lasting. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you speak to a trusted adult or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens, please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
My son who turned 13 year old son a few days has recently and somewhat suddenly turned angry and violent. I have sent him to go live with his father who lives nearby. I don’t think his father intended to be a full time parent and it is not convenient for him and it breaks my heart. We agreed to have him come to my house a few days a week. When I went to pick him up from school he got angry yelled at me through chairs around and charged me. I think he hit and scratched my face. He took my hat and stopped on it. The security guard was on hand he had been sitting next to my son in his gym class so my son must have been misbehaving before I got there. I don’t. It all happened do fast but it is two hours later and my nose still hurts and a spot on my cheek so that is why I think he hit me. I know he pushed me, maybe on my face? He then tore things off of the wall in the hall and kicked the wall a few times. I told the people at the school to let him go and tell him to goto his dad’s house. They escorted him off the school grounds. 

Anyway if he does this again should I have him arrested? I don’t want him in Juvenile hall but I am worried about him and his willingness to hit me. What if he hits his brother or his girlfriend or wife when he grows up. Will having him arrested help??
Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how difficult this situation is and we want to do everything we can to support you. If we are understanding your message correctly it sounds like your son has recently developed some violent coping mechanisms that are impacting not only your safety but perhaps the safety of other students. We are so sorry this is happening and we can understand why you would be concerned. However, we do not feel that having your son arrested is the best or most immediate solution. What you have described here is a behavioral issue and it is normal for children to have some changes in behavioral when going through puberty but these violent tendencies, if not approached, could become a normal response. We feel that perhaps some anger management-based counseling would be incredibly appropriate for your son, and have plenty of resources for them. We also might suggest partnering with the school counselor if that is an option and they might have further Counseling or supportive resources. They also may be able to get your connected to resources that can help you in coping and responding in these situations. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to supportive resources for your son, 916.920.2952. 
my grandfather constantly threatens to hit me and says we should take a “walk” which just means him knocking me unconscious he recently bought an air rifle and I’m worried he may use it against me. I just don’t know what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment with your grandfather. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. School personnel are mandated reporters of child abuse and child neglect. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect yourself and your brother, their number is 916.875.5437. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. Another helpful resource can be the CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. Please know that if it gets to the point that your life is in danger you can and should contact law enforcement. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911.

My 15 yo daughter tells me that her mom smokes weed in front of her, drinks in front of her, emotionally abuses her, and last week I had to rescue my daughter because her Mom beat on her. I secured an ex party hearing, the court is minimizing the issue. They ordered me to go to mediation to try to put together a parenting plan.

How do I establish a parenting plan with someone that has harmed my daughter. My daughter does not want to even talk to her Mom.

Additional comments:

We have been divorced since 2008 and coparented our child successfully until now. My daughter has opened up and told me that this abuse has been going on for the past 4 years.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this. Do you know if she is open to talk to someone like a counselor? It sounds like she has experienced a lot of trauma and we want you to know WEAVE is here to support you and her. I can understand how you can be frustrated with the court system and I am sorry they are minimizing your daughter abuse. WEAVE offers counseling services and legal services to get legal advice. Please know we are here for you, if you or your daughter wants someone to talk to, you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone. Below is our counseling triage information.

WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

I have an ex I wanna report I don’t want him to know and he’s very scary I’m 17 n he’s 46 what do I do I need help I messaged the hotline they are not accepting any messages I guess and I need help I wanna put him where he belongs back to prison. I had a rough situation he said if I work for him he’ll give me alot of money he’ll buy me things but then I got involved with him like love and he had me living with him every other day cause I didn’t live there permanently he would hit me when he thought I was staring at a guy he’ll hurt me until he’ll get my phone from me he made problems he would make fake accounts and say I did this and that and I didn’t . I wanna report him help

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we want you to know that we are here to help you, you are not alone, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not okay for this person to be hurting you and make you work for money. We are sorry that you weren’t able to connect with us by messaging but we would like to ask you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as it is safe for you to do so. Please call us so we can help you with this, you are not alone. We can help support you in whatever action you want to take against him. 

I am 16 years old and last year me and my mom got into a big fight she got in my face and screamed at me. I was up against the wall at this point now I put my arms in front of me so I can go to my room so she can calm down, she told me if I tried to push her she would hit herself until she gave herself bruises and call the cops and say I did it. This was in 2018 the most recent incident was with my dad my sister had accused me of eating the rest of her cake and called me fat for doing so and I told her to shut up ( which I now know I shouldn’t have said.) my dad called me into his room saying I have no right to be talking to her like that and I told him in a calm tone that she didn’t need to call me fat and accuse me of eating the rest of her cake he got mad and said if I disrespected him again he would grab me by the neck and bash my face and would let me call the cops on him. I have recently thought about calling CPS so nothing serious would happen but my mom has always called me selfish and I realize that my brothers and sisters could be taken away, and I don’t want that because them don’t have that happen to them. But I feel that if I don’t do something now something bad could happen. What should I do? And I had recently came out as gay to them on my 16th birthday in May of last year but they are fine with it so I know it has nothing to do with that.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we are so glad that you reached out to us today. We can only imagine how upsetting this situation is for you, and we want you to know you are not alone. We understand that you are the one who is receiving the majority of the abuse, and you are afraid of contacting CPS because your parents don’t treat your siblings that way. However, it is not okay for you to be treated that way, regardless, and we want you to know that you have options. If you feel comfortable, you could share these experiences with a trusted adult, if that’s a friend’s parent, a counselor or teacher at school, or an adult in the community, and they could help you, if not by getting in contact with CPS but perhaps in other supportive ways. You could also contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where trained crisis counselors, who are all mandated reporters, can gather the information needed to do a CPS report on your behalf. Or, we could give you resources such as youth-shelter or supportive options. We are here to support you in any way you need support, and we want you safe and happy. 

I been married for almost 2 years and my wife has a son that’s 13 yrs olds and ever since we got together and married he has changed to worse. He smokes marijuana punches walls on our home and has pushed her mom and has kicked me. He is super aggressive tours everyone including police. He is trying to become a gang member and is doing every thing that’s is wrong. He don’t come back from school unless we call the police and report him as a run away kid. He has told police and a juvenile detention officer that he is going to do anything that will put him in Jail for life. He has no regret of what he does and I’m afraid he will hurt or kill someone soon..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you and your wife are going through this. This sounds like a very upsetting and frustrating situation. Without knowing more about the child’s history, such as any past trauma or reasoning for his recent change in behavior, we cannot provide a perfect assessment to explain his behavior. Of course it is normal for teen’s behavior to change but what you are describing sounds like an escalated and extreme situation. We would like to encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where we could discuss this situation further and also provide some resources that could be helpful, such as anger-management counseling. 

Does my friend like me? We have been friends for over two years and I think he is starting to gain feelings for me. I’ve asked my friends already and they think yes he does. I’m a very quiet person until you get to know me, once I get comfortable enough with a person I hug them, pat their heads, and hold hands. I do this to EVERYONE, no exception of race, gender or anything. But lately he’s been acting differently than he use to, no he goes for holding my hand and wants to hug me more often. I don’t decline because I’m okay with him and my certain friend adoring that, but the energy around him is different now. I told him that some of my friends (that he doesn’t know) thought me and him were dating, and later he said he wouldn’t mind, but at the moment I thought he was just teasing me. Now I’m not sure because he showed me a pic of a girl he likes from his church and said all these great things about her but he hold still likes to be with me and my hand and hug and pat my head too. I’m just confused is he just using me as an outlet for affection or does he have deeper feelings?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we want you to know that we are here to support you, and we can only imagine that this is really confusing. Friendships and relationships are complicated and it sounds like there can be mixed emotions between you and your friend. If you feel comfortable talking to him and expressing what you are okay with and what you are not okay with and that way you are not feeling misled or confused. One way you can process what you want and don’t want with your friendship is grabbing a piece of paper and writing down things you like and things you don’t like. Also if you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you would like some emotional support, or information on what healthy relationships look like, feel free to call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My Dad is unable to think correctly.
I’m not allowed to walk down 40 meters to the stop sign most of the time unless I’m walking my dogs or have someone with me. My mom calls me repeatedly and yells at me if I don’t answer, threatening to take my phone. Any time I do anything wrong, it seems, she threatens me somehow and yells at me. Makeup? Gotta look natural, nothing expensive and nothing that’ll show much. Stay in my room? That’s bad. But leave the house? That’s worse. I went out with a friend, barely, after a whole week of asking, giving his phone number to her, and was only allowed to go because his sister would be there and we thought his parents would. His parents drove off, and when my mom heard of this, she gave me an eye that meant “Explain everything or I’ll yell at you.”……..[Edited for content]

Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We understand how frustrating it must be to have to live under so many rules. It sounds like your mom wants to make sure you are safe at all times. It also sounds like you are just trying to explore and live a fun life. We want to make sure you know that everything you are feeing is normal and we are glad that you reached out for support. That is so mature of you! The best part of this is that you are young and you will have so many opportunities to do all of these things and more. If you would like to discuss this more please call us at (916)-920-2952.

I’m 17 and my dad threatens to hit me and kick me. I don’t want to live with my mom and dad anymore because of the constant threatening, but I still have 7 months until I turn 18. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting this must be for you and want you to know that if you ever feel in danger to call Law Enforcement. You should be very proud of yourself for reaching out to us to get support. Have you thought of reaching out to another adult, for example like family members, teacher, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with? Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful as well because crisis counselors can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!

I’m a 17 year old high school girl and my ex boyfriend is harassing me. He has been violent one time previous to me. He hacked into my instagram account and read all my dms. He keeps texting me with other numbers. I spoke with my school and they said it was a police matter not a school matter. They did take copies of his text messages to me. I know he has driven by my house before and he has also threatened suicide before when we broke up. My question is how do I file a police report and what info do I need to give them? If it helps I live in Houston, TX but not in the city limits.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing harassment from your ex boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Are your parents aware of what is going on? If not, you may consider letting them know of what’s going on and contacting law enforcement to file a police report. You can also file for a restraining order once you made a police report. Intimidation and harassment can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Since you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for more resources for your county– 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

If your mom pulls a gun on your friend that was coming over and wasn’t trespassing or doing anything wrong does she have the right the threaten to shot them and pull a gun on them? Also what if she threaten to shot her own daughters kneecaps and beats her and leaves some bruises? Could the child leave when they turn 17 instead of waiting for 18 years old of age because the mom is dangerous and she feels unsafe? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what is happening with your mom. If you ever feel like you are unsafe, please call 911. Also, you can call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this situation with one of our advocates, to further explore all options available to you. Similarly, there is a safe space for you to go, called Wind Youth Center. They can be reached by calling  (916) 561-4900.

Hi, this might not be serious but I’m not sure how to go about this and no one has answers for me. Next year I’m moving in with my boyfriend, his younger brother, and my best friend (we will call her Sarah). We are moving in together because we all are going to college nearby..my boyfriend and his younger brother at a community college and Sarah and I at a university there. The plan was my boyfriend and I only, but then his younger brother and Sarah jumped on our bandwagon, and I thought hell yeah this will be great! Then, Sarah’s dog came into the picture…bought a few months ago a puppy (now massive) labradoodle. I thought her puppy would be fine moving in too. But now it seems like TOO MUCH. The puppy is needy (of course) loud, and still aggressive in some ways. I feel like it’ll be extra stress and allergies. The dog wakes up at 530 am each day. I feel like Sarah won’t control it well enough. My heart says tell her bluntly my concerns. But how, and am I even in the right? Because I said yes, and now looking at apartments and the facts setting in I’m very stressed. What do I do, because my friend Sarah means the world to me but I don’t want my boyfriend and his brother to be stressed or allergic or for their parents to be upset with the arrangement by including a dog [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We understand why this situation is very stressful to you since you fear you may lose your best friend. Unfortunately we can’t tell you what to do, only you know her the best. But communicating with compassion and understanding can be the key. You can let her know that a few of you might actually be allergic to the dog and the arrangement of caring for a large puppy can be overwhelming for your first year of college and living apart from parents. You could help her brainstorm a possible solution if she is willing to compromise.  We understand you love your best friend but you and the rest of you need to feel comfortable, happy and healthy with this living arrangement. If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, your friendship has a better chance of lasting through anything. However, please know that WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200.

My 17 yr old decided to punch holes in the walls last night and throw my radio/cd system and her laptop down the steps. threatened to fight me and her 15 yr old brother. I have a 8 yr who has on prior occasions been hurt to. I am in NM and tribal cops just removed last night and icw cant place her because we had voluntarily placement home and she said she was being abused. I am as scared of her as her sibling, what do I do? Can I get ofp she has literally attacked me over cellphone that was mine.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we can only imagine how difficult and upsetting this situation is for you and we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. This is not something you have to face alone, and we want to do everything we can to help you.  It sounds like this youth is creating an unsafe environment for you and your entire family. If you have a social worker assigned to your case who is providing you with support, you can ask them to have either an MDT or a CFT where all the support, like the social worker, you, and any other support systems  can come together to create an action plan. There may be options for another voluntary placement home that may be safer for your seventeen year old. If you need any further support in this, do not hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where trained counselors can help assess your situation, provide emotional support, connection to our services, and resources within the community. We have lots of resources that may be of help to you and we are available to help you anytime. 

I have been friends with someone for more than 5 years. We’re in a close group of friends. Lately I have been having unnecessary drama with her. Last time she was hurt because I was hanging out with my crush. I decided to give her more attention after that but now she’s starting a different kind of drama. I have strict parents so I can’t hang out with my friends unless it has to do with my clubs, school, or academics. She told me that I didn’t hang out with her because I don’t want to hang out with her. I’ve been apologizing and taking responsibility in this relationship every time something she doesn’t like happens and I can’t always tend to her needs. I have my own life. I’m starting to get tired of her and her petty dramas. She always just says to leave her alone and that she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore. I’m the only one trying to maintain our friendship. What should I do? Should I stop being friends with her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this. We want you to know that we are here to support you, and we can imagine that this is really stressful and upsetting. Friendships and relationships are complicated and it sounds like she is in a place where she can no longer be a good friend to you, and it might be best to walk away. You have to do what is best for you and this sounds like an unhealthy friendship. You are in a critical time of self-growth and development and you do not need to be constantly catering to someone who does not have your needs or well-being in mind. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence, and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The message boards are intended to be a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800. 843. 5200. 
So this dude, Derek and I were friends in high school, but I had a crush on him Sophomore year (not sure if he knew or not). We never became a thing though. He had a girl his senior year (my junior year) and then he graduated. So in June 2018, he wanted to hang out so I skipped school to go to the movies with him. …Now, idk what to do. I have feeling for this guy. I shouldn’t be giving him my all if I want him as more than a sex buddy. I either want to forget all about him or have him love me. I also want to stop saying yes to all the sexual stuff he’s into. What should I do? [edited for length & content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Based on what you shared it sounds like you aren’t sure where you stand with him, since you might want more that a casual sexual relationship. The best would be for you to be honest and communicate your concerns and feelings to him. If he doesn’t feel the same way and does not desire anything more than that it may be best and healthier for you to walk away. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you would like some emotional support, or information on what healthy relationships look like, feel free to call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.

hello i live in Washington and me my dad his girlfriend and a few other family members are homeless.My dad is in a toxic relationship with his girlfriend. she yells screams ant threatens all of us and blames me whenever she misplaces something. she yells and yells and yells at him for, quoting him “she yells at me for 8 hours then gives me a half ass ed apology for four seconds whispering looking at the floor.” we can not leave her because she is our only income and the only person with a valid drivers licence. its practically winter i’ve lost almost all my hope four surviving the winter. i know you are a California help website but i still have no one else i can tell this too without worry of cps taking me again. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this sounds like an incredibly difficult situation and it’s not something you should have to be worrying about. We are so sorry you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. You are not alone in this, and you have options. We want to encourage you to talk about your experiences with someone-we know this might be scary because you don’t want CPS to get involved. But this situation is not okay, and you should not have to be dealing with these circumstances. If your school has a guidance counselor, they might have some resources that can help you at least get some support for the winter, like winter clothes. They also might have some supportive resources for you and your family. Please know that you can call us anytime at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you want to talk to someone and get more resources. We can only imagine how hard this is. Whenever you feel anxious or stressed, try doing some deep breathing and grounding exercises. Focus on each one of your senses individually. We are here for you. 
I met a guy online who told me he was my age and guilted me into sending sexual photos. Later on he revealed hes actually 24 and will use a trojan device to send the pictures to everyone i know including my parents if i don’t send him any photo he demands. I don’t know what to do please help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want you to know, first and foremost, this is not your fault, and what is happening to you is not okay. It is not okay for someone to lie about their age, guilt you into sending pictures you were not comfortable with taking, make threats against you regarding the pictures you took, and force you to continue sending them. We understand that you have concerns, you may feel embarrassed and don’t want your parents to know. But again, this is not your fault and what he is doing is illegal. You need to contact your local law enforcement agency ASAP and tell them what is happening. Law enforcement will not judge you, and will want to help you. If you need any more support, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where advocates can help you. Please know that you are not alone in this. We are here for you. 
Hi. I’m 14 years old and a girl. I am concerned about my friend’s health. I’ve noticed that she has recently been carrying paper clips everywhere at school. She will occasionally stick them in her sleeve or poke them through her clothes. I’ve also noticed that she’s been going to the bathroom more than usual. When she sticks a paper clip up her sleeve, I can sometimes hear a sharp inhale from her. She has also recently covered her left arm with sleeves. She will go out of her way to keep her left arm covered. I don’t know if any of these events are related but I would like to hear your thoughts on this. What do I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry to hear about what’s going on with your friend and we want to do everything we can to help you. It takes a lot of courage to reach out when you are worried about your friends, but it just goes to show how much you care about your friend and how you want the best for them. It definitely sounds like your friend may be going through something difficult and stressful, and is using self-harm to cope. It is a very common coping skill especially for teens, but it can be unsafe and unhealthy. These concerns are something you should not have to bear alone, and we have a couple suggestions on how you can further support your friend. One thing would be to talk to them directly about it, but without judging them. Just create a space that leaves it open for your friend to open up to you or share about what they are experiencing/making them use these paper clips to cause self-harm. If that is not something you feel comfortable doing, we would highly suggest you tell a trusted adult about your concerns and they could talk to your friend and try to provide support. This could be a teacher, school guidance counselor, anyone you feel comfortable and safe with. If you choose to do that, they could even keep you anonymous. It is important that your friend is provided a safe and non-judgmental space to discuss what is going on in their life, but it is not on you to carry that alone. If you need any further support regarding this issue, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Could teenage love last forever? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! Love can be a very complex thing. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict how long a love may last. If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance of lasting.However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you would like some emotional support, or information on what healthy relationships look like, feel free to call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.
What can i do ? i had a friend for 2 years , we only texted each other online, then we met. I knew he was badguy ,because we spoke about everything and he told me he cheated on her girlfriend with her best friend . i liked him a lot and one day we had sex . after that he texted my after 2 weeks. i unfollowed him on insta when i was angry . since then it passed 7 months and even now i really like him and cant take him out of my head . yesterday i rexted him . i missed him but i have no chance with him in a serious way.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your dilemma, we are sorry you are going through this and can only imagine how stressful and upsetting this is for you. Emotions and relationships are so complicated, and everyone is bringing their own stories and histories to these situations. It sounds like you feel like you know that this guy is not ready or wanting a relationship just based on his past behaviors. You shouldn’t blame yourself for developing feelings, there is nothing wrong with that and I think the best thing to do would be honest with him. If you put it all out there and he says nothing or says no or maybe even expresses similar feelings, then you will have your answer. But regardless of what you say, you have to be prepared to accept the answer. Your value is not defined by some guy’s interest in you, and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and respect. If you would like further support in this issue, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are always available to talk and provide support in a non-judgmental and confidential space. 

My girlfriend and I took shrooms. I had a bad trip because I thought about my rape which had happened the year before. I don’t remember anything from that night. The morning after, she said I sexually assaulted her but played it down to make it sound like a misunderstanding and not a big deal. Ten months later, she told me I raped her and she just repressed it. I don’t want to invalidate her accusation, especially since I was a victim myself, but I can’t imagine ever doing something like that. Would it be considered rape even though I don’t remember it and we were both severely intoxicated?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand how confusing this must be for you. This is a difficult question to answer because both of you were severally intoxicated and a person cannot give consent if they are under the influence. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that would be called sexual assault. Sexual assault and other forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It important that you validate her feelings around the situation and possibly both of you could reach out and seek counseling, especially since this may be triggering for you as well. If you have any additional questions or would like to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 support and information line at 916.920.2952.

I told some people at my church I was going to be a speaker at a church sacrament meeting. I wanted to share how I was taken from my family, forced to do many terrible things, including sexually exploited and prostituted. The hurt I lived for many years changed me spiritually, eventually leading me to God. The church members advised me against speaking about my life so personally. They said my being stolen, abuse, and violence experiences are not appropriate for a family church program. Why can there be all kinds of stories in the scriptures of violence but my violence is “too sensitive?” Are my friends just too protective of keeping secrets or are they right? Do you think I should talk about it in a church congregation meeting? [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your feelings aren’t being validated and you are not feeling supported by your church members. Unfortunately your question entails a conversation with your church leaders about what is proper and/or why this is considered too personal to be shared. Especially because your past trauma and experiences lead you to your new life and God. We hope you don’t lose faith and you are able to communicate with your church leaders and be heard. If you would like to speak to an advocate please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

If you’re restrained to a chair and someone forcefully performs oral copulation without consent, is it rape? [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what happened to you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault,  especially if the person is incapacitated. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. We advise you to speak to a trusted adult and/or you may choose to report it to law enforcement. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident, sexual assault can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

So this all started a couple years ago. I think I was domestically abused by my brother when I was from age 8-12. My brother is 6 years older than me and he was obviously a lot stronger and bigger than I was. There was this one time when I was 10 we were in a verbal argument then he punched me and pushed me to the ground and I started crying and I started hyperventilating, he didn’t care. Then there was another time that he was threatening me verbally so on my iPad I set up a voice recorder and I recorded everything he said and he is very manipulative and got me to delete the recording. He had threatened to hurt me all the time if I did or didn’t do certain things. This I don’t think is domestic abuse but probably sexual assault or something. Anyway when I was 8 and he was 14 he would touch me and make me touch him. He forced me into it. If I didn’t do it he threatened to hurt me. I didn’t even know how wrong this was until I was about 12. I have never told my parents about any of this I’ve only told my best friend and my cousin and that’s it. The only reason why all of this stopped is because he moved out of the house when I was 12 and he was 17. Thank you for reading my story and any advice is greatly appreciated. (Btw I’m 13 now so it hasn’t been that long.) [Edited for Length]

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced this with your brother. It is very difficult to experience this violence with a family member, especially if you don’t trust your parents will believe you. We can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you during that time.  Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that would be called sexual assault. WEAVE can offer you free counseling services if you are interested, we are here to support you. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting it is for you to know that you may have to see your abuser on a regular basis, WEAVE can talk you through your options and resources for support. Please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We recommend you speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200.

Hi, I recently had sex with 23 men, and i am noticing some changes.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, however, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate on this message or resubmit a new one. If you would like to speak to and advocate please reach out to our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I like this boy… but he told me face to face he likes a younger person. I feel like he’s just saying that… but he kind of bullies me. Does he like me??

Thank you for reaching out. Bullying does not mean the person likes you and if they do, bullying it’s not a healthy way to show affection, and you don’t deserve that treatment. People in healthy relationships treat each other with respect and dignity and bullying is neither of those things. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
My girlfriend was very sexually experienced with many boys. I was a virgin. Her sisters and she were things like beauty pageant winners and head cheerleaders. I had never seriously dated before. Is it normal for boys to feel ashamed until they learn how to give girls pleasure? Is it normal for a boy to cry when learning about girls sex? [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you had a frightening sexual experience with your girlfriend. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Another helpful resource can be the CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My dad has choked me twice and hit me in my face. The 1st time it was because someone gave me a ride home and I tried to lie to him. The 2nd time was because I tried to run away from him when he found my phone. He also twisted my arm and made me hit my head 3 times against the wall. He has also threatened to kill me before. But it’s been 2-3 months since he last did it. Does this count as child abuse and can I make a case with it?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. What you have experienced with your father is defined as child physical and verbal abuse. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue regarding your father further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult to get involved in the situation might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful as well because crisis counselors can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!

So there’s this one guy I’ve liked for like 4 years in high school, I’ve always had some weird ass crush on him even though I look 10x better than him. I don’t get why I feel this way, he’s always been an asshole to me and is only nice when he wants to be. The first time I saw him I couldn’t stop looking at him and thinking about how ugly he is, but when he started talking to me it was so weird he ended up liking me I guess but I’d give myself excuses to why I didn’t like him until he left me because I couldn’t talk to him, it’s like I can’t get enough of him for these past 4 years I Feel like I have some weird ass connection to him. Whenever a guy is about to hurt me it’s such a coincidence that he comes back and starts talking to me again, whenever I dream of him talking to me or telling me something it comes true, I don’t get it. I could be talking to some really cute dude but I couldn’t even like him like I do with him. We have so many similarities but I just don’t see why he pushes me away, and I feel like somethings wrong with me for even liking him [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Based on what you shared it seems you might be having a very unhealthy relationship with this guy and you may need to take a deeper look at why you continue to. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.


 

What’s worse suicide or choosing to live a life knowing you are and always will be unnecessary?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We know life can be overwhelming at times but it does get better. If you are considering suicide please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or please reach out to an adult you trust or a school counselor. You are not alone on this and sharing your feelings and thoughts will help you understand life a little better.

My parents don’t want me to see or talk to my boyfriend until I’m done university.. what should I do? [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

What do u think I’ve experienced counts as, it is it abuse or am i totally overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.my father grew up experiencing abuse, physical and sexual. he’s kinda just a weird dude. sweet, sensitive, but my mother divorced him because he was emotionally abusive when i was about 3. i used to go see him every other weekend. about 2 years ago i stopped because i was feeling really stunted and we fought a lot. lately i cant stop thinking about some small things. See I’m overanalyzing everything!!!my grandma says he treats me more like a wife than a daughter. he’s explicitly told me bc of his past abuse he’d never do anything to hurt me, and i don’t think that was his intention, but i still feel so dirty and used and i dont know what do do but i feel scared and mad and unsafe in my own head. do i stay in touch with him? should I be mad? [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you have been feeling this way. We want to commend you on your courage and bravery for reaching out today, that is not an easy thing to do and this sounds like this is a very intense and complicated situation.  We understand that this must be incredibly triggering and difficult for you and we cannot tell you exactly what to do, only you can know what is best for you. We want to make sure you’re aware that any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay.  It is common to seek out answers as to who’s at fault for what you’ve experienced, and we encourage you to work with a counselor when you are ready to process some of these thoughts. If you need support or resources surrounding this, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you, and we want to help you in any way we can.

My friend told me she was high. She then began using a vape. We are 13 and I’m super stressed about what to do. The weed and vape came from her older sister’s boyfriend who comes over often and smokes without their moms knowing. Me and my friend’s moms are friends so I really want to tell mine so she can let my friend’s mom know what happened, but that will most likely get her in big trouble and her sister’s boyfriend who is close with my friend will probably never be able to come over again. I don’t want my friend to be mad, but I don’t want these to become habits or worse.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. It definitely makes sense why you are so stressed about your friend, since  vaping in teens continues to go up and it’s becoming an epidemic. We understand that you don’t want to lose your friend by telling and that you are worried for your friend’s health, especially because vaping can lead to other addictions. This is a fine line to walk, but we recommend you to seek out advice from your school counselor or another adult you trust, without disclosing your friend’s identity. At the end, do what feels right to you and what will make you feel good about yourself. If you would like to talk to someone please reach out to the California Youth 24/7 Crisis Line at 1-800-843-5200.

I have a crush on someone, and when I wink they wink back, How can I tell if they like me?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you to speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources for teens please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

boy meets girl. boy and girl text. boy and girl go out. boy and girl make out before he drives her home. boy never texts…2 days and counting. is boy just a f*** boy? should girl wait for a text or text him?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to domestic violence, teen violence, sexual assault and/or sex trafficking. If you would like to talk to someone, please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200. If you need more information or resources please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I met someone who originally seemed to be a good guy. He was a few years older than me (but it didn’t matter too much to me as we were both in college), and I looked at him like a big brother. Then he took me out on a date and I began to really like him. We spent a lot of time together, but things kept seeming off to me, as he would make comments that would make me uncomfortable, and other times would completely turn around and ignore me for days before coming back to be super sweet and physically show me affection again, and I felt confused.  He hasn’t listened to anything I have said before, and it’s only getting worse as his frustration toward me rises. Do you know the best way that I can handle this situation? I’m not sure what to do when I seem to have already done all I can. [Edited for content & length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are going through this and we can only imagine how upsetting this situation has been for you. We want to commend you on your courage and bravery for reaching out today, that is not an easy thing to do. It sounds like this is a very intense and complicated situation, but altogether one that is incredibly unhealthy. It is not easy to recognize when someone you care about is treating you poorly, and to want to not be apart of that situation anymore is even more challenging. It sounds like you have tried several tactics so far to express your boundaries with him, and we would advise you to continue to do so. Build your support system so you have people to talk to about what you’re experiencing, who can help support you when you are in crisis. And no response is always the best response. If he calls or texts, block his number. If you need any more support or resources surrounding this, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you, and we want to help you in any way we can 

It gets better. If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Message board posts indicating thoughts of suicide or with detailed content are not posted for the safety of the posting person and those who read the message boards for help. 

 

 

We know life can be overwhelming at times but it does get better. If you are considering suicide please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in two days. The message boards are not monitored 24/7 and we cannot provide an immediate response. 

I have been in a sexual relationship with a 40+ man and I am 16 and I want to get out of it but I am very attracted to him, what do I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate your bravery and courage in reaching out today, we cannot imagine this is easy to talk about and we want you to know you are not alone. This is a safe, non-judgmental space and we are here to support you with whatever you need. We can imagine how difficult it must be when you feel attracted towards someone but also feel that may not be a safe or healthy option for you. We would like to ask you to contemplate further the reasons surrounding your feelings that you want to get out of this sexual relationship and allow those reasons to be a guiding force for you in making this decision. Only you can know what is right for you, and we want you to be in the healthiest, safest situation possible. What about your relationship is making you feel you need to get out? Do you feel unsafe? Please know you are not alone, and that we are available 24/7 at 916.920.2952. 
How do you make someone happy when you’re a part of their pain Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support regarding your feelings, we can imagine how upsetting and difficult this situation must be for you and we want you to know that you are not alone. Without knowing more about the situation you are experiencing it is difficult for us to provide specific advice, but we want you to know that relationships are very complicated. Everybody comes from different walks of life and has had different experiences. If you feel that you are in a situation where you have the best of intentions and want to make someone happy but are inadvertently hurting them, they may not be in a place where they are ready to receive your love, and it may be best to walk away. Like we said, even if you both have the best of intentions, but are being hurt, it may not be the right time, and some personal healing may need to occur before love can be received. We are so sorry that you are going through this, and please know we are available to you 24/7 at 916.920.2952. 

 I love being alone, it help me breath and think clearly. Sometime to achieve this I have to distance myself from friends and family. My question is how do I keep having this independence but also make sure my family still knows I love them. I don’t want them to think I don’t want to be around them,I just enjoy solitude.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate you reaching out for support regarding this issue and want to do everything we can to help you. It is wonderful that you recognize your need for personal time to process and refuel, it is such a good boundary to have and takes most people years to recognize and adopt. Recognizing personal boundaries is imperative  to the success of personal and professional relationships. We feel that you have already articulated yourself perfectly within this message, and can use some of the language you have utilized here already to describe to your friends and family your need for personal space and that it does not relate to your love for them. Just explaining that you need alone time sometimes to refuel but still love them will be helpful so they can understand how to better support you. I’m sure you can imagine if they had no prior knowledge of your needs that you distancing yourself from them could be confusing and upsetting but we are certain once you explain your needs to them they will understand. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need any further support, we are available 24/7 at 916.920.2952. 

So, I have a massive group of friends (like 8-10) but I only feel like Three or four will really stay with me as I grow up. My childhood friends live really far away, and while we still keep in touch, I feel like I can’t really rely on ANYONE except those few four. My question is, how should I meet new friends? I’m in a homeschool community, so should I play games and people online? Or should I stay something else?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I think a safe and fun option would be to attend some community events. It would be safe to bring a friend or two with you so that you are not alone. You can meet like-minded people who have the same interests as you and have fun at the same time. Another option can be going to the library or even the movies with some of your friends. I just want to remind you that it is not about the quantity of friends you have but the quality of friends you have. You seem like a very smart and fun person and the friends that you do have are lucky to have you!

Hey… No ones been able to help me and I don’t want my parents to worry, so here I am. I have this friend who I really love. He made me feel happy when I was depressed, but then something happened. We began talking online. This led to us discussing more serious topics. What a mistake. He told me he was suicidal. Just like me. I tried my best to tell him he was worth it, he was worth it, he needed to live, I loved him, our friends loved him, I stayed up until ungodly hours of the night to talk him into loving himself. I wish I could say he did the same for me. I wish I could have been comforted by him, just once even. That would be enough. But no. Whenever I tried to convince him, he turned all his problems back on me. Suddenly his depression was all my fault. He went around school telling people I saved his life, then that same night fought with me over a text site that I had promised to always be there for him (I forget why it was a year ago.) When I confided in him I was cutting, he encouraged it and told me to join his cutting club. For some reason, everyone I get close to confides in me with their problems. And I hate it. I help them, and help them, and help them, but sometimes it’s not enough. And they blame me for it. And it kills me because I love them so much yet they let me go.  I just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. It get’s tiring. Always caring for everyone. always making sure no one cries, resulting in yourself looking stupid and crying in front of everyone else. Even when I cry no ones there like I am for them. And just why? Why? The one who hurt me knows for a fact I was just as bad as him. I chose to help him. He chose to break me. If I had chosen that he would have walked away and bad mouthed me to everyone on this planet (which he didn’t anyway while I helped him) just why? Why me? It hurts so much and it makes me wonder why I’m like this. What the heck do I do? I know how to take care of other people, but hell, what do I do to myself? [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we hear you and want you to know you are not alone. So many people go through experiences so similar to yours, and while no one can truly understand how you feel and what you are experiencing better than yourself, we want you to know we understand how you are feeling and we relate. There are so many layers here, we would love to help you unpack them one by one. Firstly, the issues with your friend. It sounds like your friend is very emotionally dependent upon you, but is not recognizing that that dependency is a two-way street. Relationships are comprised of give and take, there must be equality. If all the power and control is one sided, then it is uneven and there is no balance. One person is receiving all the support and attention. That is not healthy. It sounds like your friend has a lot of personal issues, and while you may care about them very very deeply and want to be there for them, they may be at a point in their life where they are not ready to receive the love and support you wish to provide. We would like to encourage you to practice setting some boundaries because this will lead to a healthier understanding of your personal worth and value as well as surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, support you, and want you to be the best version of yourself. Boundaries can be hard, but they are absolutely necessary. Boundaries with friends can look like if a friend is discussing a topic that is upsetting you or making you uncomfortable, you can share with them “hey, I really don’t enjoy talking about this, can we change the subject?” That is a good example of a boundary. A friend should never encourage you to hurt yourself, to end your life, be unhappy when you are healthy. That is not a friend. We also understand that you struggle with many different things personally, like issues with self-image and self-worth, and feel that that is something that can be re-prioritized in your life. We would like to encourage you to actively work on being kinder to yourself. Whenever you have a negative thought about yourself, it’s not just something you hear in your head but your entire body hears it. Your body works so hard every day to create a safe home for you. We would like to encourage you to think of five things, daily, that you like about yourself. It can be things that are small like you like your handwriting, you like your eye lashes, things that maybe you wouldn’t think of every day. Little by little, if you actively try to list those things you like about yourself, we often find that the things we may have previously not liked about ourselves are the things that make us the most special, the most unique. We can only be ourselves, everyone else is already taken. Everybody struggles with insecurities but it’s a hard life to live being unkind to yourself. Practice self-love, find the things in life that bring you joy. Do you like reading? Writing? Sports? Singing? Find these things, and make those priorities in your life. Do not surround yourself with unhealthy people. You have choices, you have options, and right now is the time to make positive change. And please know, you are not alone. We are here for you, 24/7, you can call us at 916.920.2952 if you want someone to talk to. We know that these are hard decisions to make, but these are necessary for your general health and well-being.

If my mom calls me useless, pathetic and Immature/Childish on a weekly basis, and calls me bratty, rude, mean, ungrateful, and spoiled on a daily basis, Am I being verbally abused?

She also calls me desperate if I text the guy I like for more than an hour, and makes fun of things I like, for example YouTube, the guy I like, video games etc. My dad calls my mom a bunch of names too, like a**, b*tch, id***, lazy, annoying and more. Btw I’m only 14. She also will say she loves me at least once or twice every two weeks. My mom has been getting worse lately and called me b*tch, b*tchy, a**, and jack a**. I tried to tell my parents about me not liking them calling names and yelling yesterday, but my mom started saying “then how do we explain how you are acting?”and my dad said “b*tch and a** is kinda mean, but the other stuff is better, imagine what we could be calling you.” They did say they would try to do it less though, idk how that’s gonna work out though and I’m worried for my little brother because he thinks all this name calling is ok.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you, and we are so proud of you for reaching out today for support. What you have been experiencing is definitely defined as emotional and verbal abuse. We feel it would be helpful to discuss these issues regarding your mom and dad further with a trusted adult or even a crisis advocate on WEAVE’s 24/7 Support and Information Line. A good trusted adult to get involved in the situation might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful as well because crisis counselors can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!

I’m 16. I had sex with my boyfriend. it was unprotected, but we are still worried if I am pregnant. please help. is there anything I can do to figure out [edited for content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we understand how scary this situation must be for you, and we want you to know you are not alone in this. It is not easy to reach out for support like this, and we wand to commend you for your bravery. We understand that you have concerns about pregnancy and unprotected sex, and we have many resources within the community that could provide you support in that area. There are many options when it comes to reproductive health care, and Planned Parenthood is a very viable option. If you are comfortable, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, and a crisis counselor can provide you with more information. We are here for you, you do not have to go through this alone. 

Why do I always loose interest when someone I like likes me back? I can obsess over someone all day and night but once they show interest in me it automatically goes away I’ve been in 5 relationships and I’m only 16 and they all never lasted over a month cause I always end it half are from me saying yes from being to guilty to break up with them or say no and the other half are guys I actually really liked but once were together it’s gone. Sometimes I feel disgusted with myself if they even hug me.. I’m not lesbian or anything like that and I’m not traumatized by anything and I don’t completely hate myself or anything. I can’t talk to anyone about this cause I feel like they just wouldn’t understand.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this must be incredibly confusing and upsetting and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. It is incredibly normal to feel the way that you are feeling, and it is okay to feel how you feel. It is okay to have an interest in someone, but then later decide that you feel differently about them. It is hard to truly know how you may feel about someone before spending time with them, so you may think you have feelings for them and have a romantic interest in them, and that could change after getting to know each other more. You shouldn’t feel guilty or wrong, or like you are leading people on. It is always better to be honest and authentic in your emotions than to stay with someone because you thought you had an interest in them. Please know that we are here for you, and you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to someone further about this. We are not going to judge you, this is a safe space, and we are only here to support you. 
My friend’s sister gave away to me some see through pajamas. It was a sleeveless button top and shorts. I tried them on at home. It was like being nude. I wore them anyway because I liked how they looked and the comfort. Because they showed everything I would usually use a robe outside my room. I started getting lazy. One night my mom saw me downstairs. She asked me what I was doing wearing them and where I got them. She told me to go to my room and throw them away. I didn’t listen. I kept wearing them anyway because they kept me cool at night. Another night I was in our living room wearing them. My brother’s friend saw me. I woke to my top unbuttoned and him pulling off my pajama shorts. I was surprised but puzzled. I had a crush on him. He had never acted this way before. I asked him what he was doing. He said he wanted to look me over. I still feel all kinds of guilt about what we did. He kept returning.  Would you classify it as a friend’s having sex thing we did or sexual assaults? I don’t like the thought of being labeled a rape victim [edited for content].

First, let us thank you for reaching out. These situations can feel strange and confusing, especially if you’ve never had to deal with this stuff before. Your situation is a tough call, one that needs a lot more discussion than we could possibly provide on a message boards. When you get a chance, call our 24-hour Support Line at (916) 920-2952. No matter the day, time or even holidays, there’s always an advocate there to talk to, totally without judgment and on your terms. What we can say is that no matter what you’re wearing and what people assume, nothing and no outfit gives anyone the right to touch, disrespect or say anything negative to you. You’re allowed to live your life on your terms and do whatever you, however you want, without fear. The exception to that would be when you’re living under someone else’s roof and their rules (hello, parents!) at which point, please follow their rules – we don’t want you to get in trouble and you don’t either!

Also, consent is a very serious issue. Unless you say YES to something, no one has any right to do that. Even with your crush on him and going along with everything that happened, how could you have told your brother’s friend YES while you were still sleeping? Without your permission, no one has any right to touch you without consent and that wasn’t cool. Check out the YouTube video Tea & Consent for a thorough explanation. Finally, a little note about although it may not be what you’re going through, there’s nothing wrong with being seen as a survivor of rape or sexual assault. There are predators and people with bad intentions out in these streets, just as there always have been throughout the course of human history. There should be no shame in experiencing and surviving these heinous acts. It takes a will, strength and perseverance unlike many will ever know. We look forward to hearing from you on our Support Line soon where we can tackle the rest of your questions one-on-one! The number again is (916)524-7202

Okay so I’m 16 my boyfriend is 17 but turning 18 June 16th. We’ve been dating for a month but I have known him since August 29th, 2017. The thing is I love him very much. I’m a virgin but he is not. I want to have sex with him… I’m just to self conscious about my body. I’m scared I’m gonna do the wrong thing during sex. I get turned on by kissing him. I never kiss him he always the first one to kiss me. I’m to shy and insecure to do anything first because I don’t want him to get annoyed or hate me. do you guys have any advice? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this must be a confusing situation for you and we want to commend you for reaching out for support. We want you to know that this is an issue you are not alone in: the pressure to have sex is very real, but it is something that needs to happen when you feel comfortable, confident, and supported in your decision. No one should ever make you do thing that you are not comfortable with or are not ready to participate in. It doesn’t matter if your partner has had sex before or even if you have had sex before, it has to be something you give consent to and something you feel ready for. So please, take your time, and have a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling about this. Communication is such an important part of every healthy relationship, and without it there can be no trust or respect. In regards to your insecurities about your body, we understand how hard it is; society creates this mold of beauty that is impossible to fit into. We would suggest instead of fixating on the things that you may feel insecure about, try to focus on the amazing things your body does for you every day: your body is strong, it carries you everywhere you go, it performs amazing functions. And remember, when you say or think negative things about your body, your entire body can hear that. Try to practice more self love. Perhaps with every negative thing you are inclined to think about your body, say three positive things you LOVE about your body. Please know we are here for you, if you want someone to talk to, you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone, we are here for you.
So my daughters abusive ex has moved on to a new victim. He is 20 and the girl is underage. Should I tell the girls mother about him or just stay out of it? I don’t want to see any girl go through what my daughter did but I don’t know what to do. He was verbally and psychically abusive. We even had to get a restraining order on him. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you, and we are so proud of you for reaching out today for support. We understand that this must be incredibly triggering and difficult for you and your family. We cannot tell you exactly what to do, only you and your family can know what is best for you, but we would encourage you to think about if the situation was reversed, what you would wish someone would do for you and your daughter. Communication and knowledge leads to agency, and giving someone the option to make an empowered decision. If you do choose to have a conversation with her mother, we would encourage you to approach it in a supportive and non-judgmental way. We are certain your family understands, perhaps even more so than others, how complex and intense domestic violence can be, and how hard it is for a survivor to even recognize that they are experiencing abuse. Please know we are here to support you, and our 247 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to crisis counselors if you need more support navigating this conversation, and what this might trigger for you and your family. 

My boyfriend has been arguing with me and lately has been throwing me to bed / grabbing me , pinning me to bed to face him. He tells until I give him a certain answer. Its been going for a while now & Today he grabbed me from behind, if I didn’t answer or didn’t “listen” he’d squeeze my stomach hard until he wanted to. I am not pregnant & I’ve only been with his for 3 years. I’ve seen some red flags ,but now with this I want to know if I should let him go if it’s considered abuse.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship and it should be taken seriously, remember you have choices and you can leave the relationship. If you have an adult you can trust please reach out to them and ask for support or If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

So my girlfriend took a abortion but they cut her and put a pill inside of her and told her the pill will work in 6 months to get her womb strong other wise she wont have kids again i dont stay with her and im getting strange toughts in my head now because it starts to bleed once in a while and she says a morning after pill is required everytime it bleeds to help the pain and get the bleeding to stop is this true because im getting things in my head poping up that sgez haveing sex with someone else plz help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this must be confusing and upsetting for you and we are sorry you are experiencing this. It is a little hard for us to fully assess this situation without knowing more about the medical procedure she underwent, but it seems like your main concern is that she is not being honest with you about who she is spending her time with. Communication and trust are pivotal to a healthy relationship, and if you are in a healthy, loving relationship with someone you should feel confident in trusting them to be supportive and honest with you. But if you have concerns, we feel it is important for you to express those concerns to her. If you have any other questions or want to discuss this issue further, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

What can i do about my autistic brother i went to the dr with my mom and my brother and i sat and listen to the dr tell my mom to not feed my autistic brother no fatty foods bc he is at risk of being diabetic she said to help him everyone in the household need to change their diet eat healthy i moved away to get my own place ive been gone for five months and i came back bc my sis was getting married and the five months ive been gone my brother twice his size im worried for my brother health and nobody helping i called places nobody wants to help what do i do ? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concern. It sounds like you are very concerned about your brother’s health. I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but it sounds like you care very deeply about your brother’s well-being. I would suggest talking with your mom about your concerns and even encourage a check-up with the doctor to see what his levels are currently. Maybe you can look up some light and healthy recipes with your brother and encourage him to try some new food with you. If you are needing some other ideas or just want someone to listen to your concerns, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952.
I have a great life, clothed well, good friends, ok family (parents fight occasionally and go to hotel), great teacher and so on. But ever since I started 8th grade (still in 8th grade) I feel like I’m in this funk. I use to be really on top of work and ready to conquer the world and do something great with my life (I want to me a CEO, astronaut, or go into politics) and I still want to do that but I just don’t have the drive anymore. I feel like I’m depressed or bipolar. What are the signs? I use to run like 5ks and 10ks and I loved it. I think quitting running this year might have to do with it. Also my parents had a big fight like a month ago and that really startled me. School now is super boring. I hate it so much. I have great friends and teachers but I’m always bored and tired and done with it and just want to go and play and have fun with friends. School comes really easy for me and I just can’t pay attention at all. And I’m always feeling like tired and down. I do have my days where I’m happy and excited and ready but I feel like a different person and I just feel more lazy. What am I doing wrong? What can I change to become more motivated? [Edited for content]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It does sound like you have an amazing life and we want to commend you for identifying that you need support.  This is a HUGE step towards making changes.  We want to first let you know that you can be all of the amazing things you mentioned, and you seem to have a great head on your shoulders.  Do you have a friend, family member or another adult you feel comfortable going to for help? It sounds like you are processing a lot and having a support system is always helpful. If you are not ready to reach out to those in your life but would like more information regarding some of the things you’re  experiencing and resources available to help you, please contact us on our 24- our support line. We can provide resources that may help you work through what you are experiencing.  You can call our 24-hour Support and Information line to speak with a peer counselor. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. We hope to hear from you soon.

I think I have an addiction to pornography. I don’t know what to do and I really don’t want to admit it or tell anyone. What should I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand this is not an easy situation to discuss and we want you to know this is a safe, non-judgmental space; we are here for you. Pornography addiction is a very real and prevalent issue that many people face, but it is not often discussed. Admitting you have a problem and are wanting help is the first step. While this is not an issue we specialize in as an agency, but we know that most addictions, at the root, relate to other base issues in your life, so it is important to get to the root of the addiction. We understand that this is not something that you feel comfortable sharing with many people, but we feel it would be extremely beneficial for you to receive counseling services for this issue. Perhaps you can reach out to a trusted adult, maybe even a family member who you could share that you are interested in receiving counseling services, without sharing that you want to speak to a counselor about your porn addiction, and they could get you connected to services. This is not an issue that can be helped overnight, and will take some time and patience. But we believe in you, and we are here to help support you in any way we can. If you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to call 916.920.2952, to speak to a crisis counselor who can help support you and find you resources. 

legally, if you have video evidence of what happens when a woman is abusing a guy and trying to get physically violent and making threats, are they then allowed to start fighting back just to stop her? or would the whole ‘guys can’t hit girls for ANY reason’ bias still screw them legally speaking?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It never okay for anyone to physically assault another person, regardless if they are male or female. You may choose to report those incidents along with the video to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this person’s behavior in the event it happens again. You can also call our 24-hour Support and Information line to speak with an advocate to discuss other options and resources that may be helpful. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. We are here to support you in any way that we can.

I was on an international tour and to saw some of the Olympic competitions. I was sleeping on a certain tour bus. A teen girl my age started touching me. It was at night. At first I just tried to pretend I was sleeping. Later she sat in my lap. She put her tongue in my mouth. She kept kissing me on the mouth and touching me. I felt strange in ways because I’d only had sex with guys before. I had only kissed one other girl before. Sometimes an old friend and I had shared. It was consensual before. The first girl was a classmate I dearly loved and knew. This girl I’d only met her a week before at a swimsuit party. When it was time to sleep she and I shared a place alone. As soon as it was bedtime she was putting her hands in my clothes. She undressed me and did some things. I had never done things those ways with a girl. I had orgasms because I couldn’t help it and it felt good. But bad too. After a few weeks of this we started not getting along. Back in California she left me. I have never seen that girl again. What I wonder is if I should blame my mother or hold her responsible too. I never wanted to go on the tour. I only went to please my mother. My mother even bought my clothes, sunglasses, and jewelry for the trip.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE.  We can only imagine how confusing this must have been for you.  We understand that this may be difficult and it’s great that you’re writing here and reaching out for help. We want to make sure you’re aware that any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay.  It is common to seek out answers as to who’s at fault for what you’ve experienced, and we encourage you to work with a counselor when your ready to process some of these thoughts.  If you would like more information regarding some of the things you’ve experienced and resources available to help you, please contact us on our 24- our support line. We can provide resources that may help you process what you’ve experienced.  You can call our 24-hour Support and Information line to speak with a peer counselor. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952.  Again, I am sorry this happened, and I think it takes a lot of courage to reach out for clarity and help.

 

So I’ve been talking to someone who I met on Facebook. He’s turning 17 soon and I’m 16 and we’ve been talking for a year now and it’s obvious that we have mutual interest in each other. I have very strong feelings for him but it’s a bit weird considering we have never met each other in person because he lives in a completely different state, a 7 hour drive from me. I have considered moving down to his state in 2 years time to study University to be closer to him as I generally see a future with him but now I’ve been thinking twice because of his history. He is pretty much a criminal. He was locked up early last year for robbing a car and that wasn’t for too long but all of last year he kept getting into crime and he now has a lot of charges. Like I’m not one of those stupid girls that I become so blinded by how much I like someone, I see too many dumb and unhealthy relationships around me and I’m always the wise one giving advice but so now I’m stuck between waiting to see whether he gets locked up and being constantly worried about all his other crimes or waiting for him do time so we can be together [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can understand how confusing this must be for you and we want to do everything we can to help support you. We can only imagine how torn you must feel, between your feelings for each other and his need to serve for the crimes he has committed. Nobody can tell you what to do, or how to feel, only YOU  can truly know your experiences or feelings. It is such an exciting experience to meet someone who you seem compatible with, who seems to have your best interest at heart, but there are some things you have shared that we would consider “red flags”. This term might be something you are familiar with since you have said you have supported your friends through some unhealthy relationships. A “red flag” would be a sign or indication that something may not be right, and could predict possible problems in the future. We are sure that this boy may care for you, but he may be at a point in his life where he cannot truly be there for you, love you, in a way that you deserve and need to be supported and loved. You are at a very important time in your life where you are about to make a lot of big life decisions, like you mentioned you are planning on attending a University soon, and you always want to be surrounded by people who have similar interests, desires, and driving forces in their life that may align with yours or at least support yours. We have a website that we may feel might be helpful in navigating this difficult situation: yourcleanslate.org. There is lots of information there about relationships, and we think it could help answer some of the anxieties or concerns you may have. We also have a 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where, if you want, you could call and speak to someone who could further assess your situation and provide more helpful, unbiased advice. We are here to help you. 

I’ve been listening and reading about famous Olympic gymnasts sexually assaulted by a doctor. It’s reminding me. In high school I’d go to this gym by Sunrise Mall. I’d lift weights, cycle, run, and keep in shape. One day I was at that gym showering. This man I knew walked into my shower stall naked. I was actually worried he’d get in trouble. It’s like I was used to his molestations. I just quietly did what he wanted. I never screamed. I never fought him off. I never even said no. I was like a willing participant. I remember being only around 115 pounds and 5′8″. Why would a man do that in a public gym? It still haunts me and has me feeling confused.

Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that would be called sexual assault. It’s important to know that every person’s body reacts to trauma in many different ways and having conflicting feelings about the abuser is completely normal. It’s also important to know that the absence of NO does not mean YES. Verbal consent is needed for any and all sexual involvement. What happened to you is not your fault and you did not do anything to bring about the abuse. Sexual assault and other forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I saw a boy attack a disabled student in a public school classroom. During the attack the attacker smeared mayonnaise from a sandwich on the disabled boy’s face. The attacker said something like “You like cum all over your face don’t you.” Even though it was wrong I and a bunch of students laughed. I couldn’t stop laughing. At school I never hurt anyone. I never said anything mean I can even remember. I never even said a curse word. But I did laugh and couldn’t stop that day. I was made the school principal’s scapegoat. I was forced to sign paperwork. I was forced to leave the school at the end of the school year. What makes a person laugh when something bad happens? Not everyone laughed. Only some of us.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We all respond differently to situations that are uncomfortable and/or awkward and in your case you responded by laughing. There is nothing wrong with it, but what the other boy did was an act of bullying against the disabled boy who couldn’t have defended himself perhaps. Sometimes, even if we ourselves don’t bully others by the fact that we witness others get bullied and don’t do anything creates more damage, as a witness and for the person getting bullied. It seems that it still bothered you how you responded, and that’s a good step to take towards awareness and bullying. You don’t have to be a bystander when it happens again and you have the power to speak up and offered support to the bullied person. There are several organizations that can offer you more information on bullying, here is one of them https://www.stopbullying.gov or if you would like to talk to someone you should seek out your school counselor or you can always speak to an advocate at our 24 hour Support and Information Line 916-920-2952. Take care of yourself and others.

I hope this is okay to ask. I worry my children will grow up and always be single like me. I feel my daughters at the deepest level truly want boyfriends and intimate relationships. They tell me they are virgins, at least with males. Males today have their free internet porn and masturbate. Dating or a new girlfriend for a male is just a mouse click away. I guess many females are going that internet sex route too. It sounds like face-to-face dating, romance, and relationships are a fading thing for the Z Generation. My younger daughter attends a highly admired public high school. At my younger daughter’s most-recent school dance there were twice as many girls as boys. Friday my younger daughter attended a freshman after-school social at her school. Out of many hundreds of freshman, only twelve freshmen attended. Last week my freshman daughter openly told me without me even bringing up the topic how she masturbates. When I was her age I wouldn’t even say the word masturbation. Its a changed world. My older daughter is in college. She barely dates or does anything with males. She is focused upon grades and a career in her future. She doesn’t want to end up like me. She could pass as a Sports Illustrated or Victoria Secret model. I don’t say that to brag. Its just fact. She tells me guys right now in her life are a total waste of her time. Instead, she goes to her best friend’s house. She has sex with her closest girlfriend. I ask my older daughter if she is lesbian or bi. She says no. She really loves guys, only right now its simpler to enjoy sex with her many girlfriends. Sometimes she goes to girl-only orgy parties. This world I think is crazy. Where does one find healthy people, especially to date? Please don’t tell me look on the internet.

Sexual orientation is such a personal journey for each individual. Our sexuality is very complex. For some, an attraction to a specific gender is all they ever know while others may experience an attraction to both genders. This can be confusing and finding a supportive resource to ask these questions can be difficult. WEAVE is here to support victims of domestic violence and sexual assault and recognizes that violence does not discriminate. For resources regarding questions about your sexual identity, the Sacramento region is supported by The Center whose great staff can offer support and help begin to answer questions. Go to www.saccenter.org or call 916.442.0185 for more information about their services, Also the Gender Health Center at 916-455-2391. If you would like to be connected with some additional resources, information about services we may be able to provide for you, or just someone to talk to, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

If a 17 year old has sexual relations with a 20 year old is that illegal?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Without knowing more about the situation it would be difficult for us to answer this question. Many factors come into play if this is a consensual relationship; such as length of relationship, age of when you turn 18, and age of when he turns 21. In California, nobody under the age of 18 can consent to sex. If the sexual relations are non-consensual it is important to know any time someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. If you would like a more specific/accurate answer to your legal questions it may be helpful to reach out to the non-emergency Police Department line in your area. If you need to speak to someone for emotional support please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My family belongs to a church. It doesn’t allow masturbation. About everything I read says masturbation is safe, healthy and normal. I like the convenience. No worry of pregnancy or disease. You would think God would encourage it. I can’t go on a mission or get married like other church members. My church is asking me to be clean to do certain ordinances. My friends will soon know because I can’t go. I don’t want to lie. When I was young I didn’t know. I thought it was a way God showed he loved me. I’m having big trouble. I’m going to be questioned again. My leaders are on me to stop. It’s not easy. I wake up with dreams and tempted. My body sometimes does it’s own. I was squeezing my legs crossed in a class at school before. It happened. I used to put my electric toothbrush backward on a location. It happened. I was pressing one night kissing a boy. We were dressed and standing. They call it grinding. It happened. I could tell many stories. My body feels like an enemy. Is it sexual abuse if I am told I can’t masturbate or orgasm? Please don’t say talk it out. The church won’t change. My parents say do what I am taught in church.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. What you are experiencing with your body is completely normal and healthy. As long as you doing so in a healthy and safe manner, it is okay. You may also want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful.

In some ways I don’t know who I am supposed to be. I was abused. He would sometimes make me watch porn. It was confusing because I was curious about sex as a child. He would make us act out things. Sometimes I looked forward to it. He made me feel special. That’s how sick I was and am. The last three days and nights I was in my bedroom doing sex things on myself. Enough is enough. Today I feel like I have this hangover. I am sad and ashamed at what I did the last three days almost nonstop. Its embarrassing. All my wasted life too. Now I can’t even cry. I’m in shock. ptsd. Headached and drained. My life is falling apart [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. You may experience a range of emotions because of the abuse – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I was riding SacRT today. Someone left an unopened bottle of Gatorade on the train. The drink rolled up and down the train. I became obsessed on that drink. When everyone exited the train I grabbed the drink. At work or anywhere there is free or unlimited food I am obsessed on eating as much as I can eat. I always max out at food buffets. The strange thing is if you look at me I am thin, fit, and look healthy. I get lots of exercise. As a child I was a stick figure. My ribs even showed. I keep thinking my food obsessions are because of my childhood. It was abusive and violent. I sometimes scrounged for food. I ate scraps and leftovers, even old food tossed in outside garbage. I really didn’t care. It was food! At a pizza restaurant recently where it was all you could eat I ate nine mega-size pieces of pizza where everyone else ate two or three. I would have eaten more but a female coworker embarrassed me. It’s always females who notice and complain. How do I become normal? I am not going to Thanksgiving this year because I don’t want to be embarrassed and ridiculed like last year.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. What you have been through in your childhood is horrific, and we are so very sorry that this happened to you. You are not to blame for the way that you eat and you are not alone. Wherever you are, you have support. If you want to talk to someone about finding support and resources in your area, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are strong, you matter, you deserve goodness, we are here for you.

I made a false statement to the police about being beat up an having sexual relations with an adult.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. Making false statements to law enforcement can result in bad consequences, in particular for the adult related to the false statement you provided. We encourage to speak to an adult you trust in your home and ask them for assistance in contacting law enforcement so you can rectify your statement. We understand you might be afraid to do that, but we encourage you to be honest, you will feel better at the end. If you need to speak to someone for emotional support please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I know this sounds stupid but I never had real parents. My parents died. They were self-centered alcoholic chain smoking losers who never did anything for anyone. As a child I never received the help I needed. I have college degrees but I don’t know how to parent my children. I am lost. Is there a book you suggest or a website? I can’t talk. I was sexually abused and exploited for many years. I am 3 hours late for work today. I called Kaiser mental health, my provider, for assistance. They promised to respond within 48 to 72 hours. It’s now past 92 hours I’ve waited. F*** them. I can’t go on like this [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that sexual abuse from the past and  prolonged abusive relationships can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling, as well as community organizations that offer parental skills services.  

You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

[message regarding #metoo posts received] We have received many posts from individuals who have acknowledged being triggered by the #metoo posts on social media. In light of that, we have decided not to repost these descriptive #metoo posts.

While we recognize the #metoo campaign has drawn much valuable attention to the epidemic of sexual violence, we acknowledge the reality of how difficult this can be for many as well. There are a number of ways to address triggers, among them: breathing techniques, mindfulness, reaching out to your trusted support system, calling a support line, etc. Everyone’s experience is different – please know that support is available. If you’re in Sacramento County, you may call our Support Line: 916-920-2952.  RAINN: 800-656-4673 can connect you to your local resource.

I’m 15 and was very drunk due to peer pressure and it’s never something I want to do again but a 17 year old boy took me to his care and made me give him a handjob when he was completely sober, I don’t know if I’m over reacting or if this is serious

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that with that boy, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. You are not overreacting, anytime someone has sexual contact with someone without their full consent it is an assault, especially if the person is incapacitated due to the use of a substance or physical disability. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  

This has always been on my conscience. I was with this extremely attractive classmate. She was taking classes in fashion and photography. Sometimes she would show me her work. She was very creative, mixing bright and moody colors, designs, fabrics, vibrant art, and photos. She was showing me a new practice photography portfolio. It contained photos of mostly her sisters, especially one sister. The sister was around 14 years old. A few were of the sister in her school cheerleader outfit. There were bathing suit photos. Some were her sister topless exposing her breasts and in see-through and revealing lingerie. I went into shock. Others left nothing to the imagination, and extremely visible nude disturbing photos. All I thought when I saw them was this can’t be happening. I felt sick to my stomach. Inside my soul cried for her sister. My girlfriend then didn’t seem embarrassed at all. I never confronted my girlfriend. I felt very guilty seeing. Being a guy I was confused why she showed me pictures like that of her sister. We eventually split, I think in good part because she just wasn’t right in the head. She was great with art, but not right emotionally, like a van Gough. The nude photos I saw are still seared in my mind and have messed with my mind since. Her sister she photographed naked later became a drug addict, attempted suicide, rebelled against her family and religion, drove drunk, went with troubled boyfriends, and had all kinds of problems until I didn’t ask after our split. I often think I am responsible. Should I try to hunt my former girlfriend down and tell her to apologize to me and her sister. Is that crazy? I have long wondered why a female would take and show pictures of her sister like that and later show to her boyfriend. What does it mean? Would I open a can of worms talking to her family now? I still feel lots of shame at feeling like a pervert and want to resolve my uneasiness [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out. You are an extremely decent young man and there is absolutely nothing you did wrong. The material she shared with you sounds very disturbing to say the least. It’s completely understandable you felt sick and uneasy since it’s traumatic to witness such a detached behavior from your ex’s towards her sister, given that she was a minor. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, which is no easy task and takes immense courage. Talking to a counselor can usually help with the feelings you are having which are completely understandable.

WEAVE offers Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Hi my son is 22 homeless wont get help his dad tells him to leave he wonders the streets of south sacramento . im in the bay area i cant bring him hear im renting a room for the time being . ive tried to help him 3 times he wont stay put he thinks his family is out to kill him his dads side . He loves his dad and wont leave everyone of his friends tell him he needs help this would be year 2 of homeless. He says he needs a job and wont go get one .im so worried right now im waiting on starting a job in sac within next month. I dont know what to do. WEAVE’s provides services for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking. Local resources for homeless youth include Wind Youth Services which provides a drop in center and operates an emergency shelter for youth up to 24 years old. The number for their shelter for transitional aged youth (18-24) is 916-561-4900. Their drop in center number is (916) 561-4900 and their drop in center is located at 3671 5th Ave., Sacramento CA 95817. 
I hired a psychologist to perform a custody evaluation on my daughter. I paid him 1500 dollars and I never heard from him since I left several voice mails and he never return any of them He complained to my attorney that I called too often. At a hearing in testified that I should not be able to see my child because I refer to her as it. Some thing I do subconsciously and the child does not like to be around me. The child has been alienated against me. some thing this man is trained to spot. Is this man a scammer or is this normal behavior for a professional. Professionals consulted for legal evaluations have professional responsibilities to the court and are not required to provide favorable evaluations to the party that paid for the evaluation. They may also be limited in what they can share with you outside of the legal process based on confidentiality rights of all involved parties. 
THE PERSON (,a former bully) grabbed one of my breasts without asking. It happened during recreation. Almost the entire school (elementary) was present. We were all still very young. I was too shocked, dumbfounded to do something like slap him and too ashamed to tell the teachers. I felt humiliated. They pitied me, happy it wasn’t them. All i know is, i did NOT want it, it did NOT feel right and i CERTAINLY did NOT ask for it. To date, i’m blaming myself for having done NOTHING. I would appreciate it very much if you could tell me if that is sexual assault. What an awful experience that has obviously affected you. Anytime someone touches us in a sexual manner without our consent it is sexual assault and can be frightening and create a lot of emotions. You may want to speak with an advocate to process the emotions. Our 24/7 Support Line can be reached at 916.920.2952.

My dad and his wife split a few years a go and we now only get to see my little brother about once a year. For this visit my little brother (9) gave me a peck on the lips. It was weird because we’ve never been a family who does that. However, I brushed it off as harmless and would let him give me pecks on the mouth. Then he started to repeatedly do it like one peck after the other. Again I brushed it off as nothing. But he seems really into it, he’ll stare into my eyes and it makes me uncomfortable. So I decided to tell him only kisses on the cheek now. Could this new behavior be a sign of sexual abuse? I don’t know if I’m over reacting. My dad said he’d report it but there’s nothing to go off of.

Children experiment with differ types of affection as part of learning boundaries at different ages and showing affect through kisses is normal for a 9 year old boy. If your brother begins to display other behaviors that are not age appropriate for a 9 year old, your parents may want to talk with him about where he learned this behavior, etc. You also have every right to decide how anyone else shows affection towards you so telling your brother only kisses on the cheek is appropriate, too.

Can I send my father to jail if he left my mother at a gasoline station at one in the morning due to marriage problems

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this sounds like a pretty intense and scary situation, we are sorry that this has happened to your mother. Without knowing more about the situation it is hard for us to give you an answer, but it is never ok for someone to put someone else in a situation that could be dangerous or in an unsafe environment. Has this happened before, or things similar? How does your mother feel about this situation? If you feel comfortable, we would recommend you discuss this situation with a trusted adult, perhaps a family friend, teacher, coach, so you are not alone in this. You could also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and a crisis counselor could give you more advice on how to help your mother in this situation. Your safety is most important, and we are sure your mother feels the same as well. 

I live close to my brother who IS a pedophile who had sex with his own daughter. I know that, he knows that, his daughters know that, and every other family member knows that, even though he plead guilty to a lesser offense and only spent 10 years on the sex offenders list. Now his youngest daughter who he drugged and raped and had 2 boys by (she doesn’t know about that) also has 2 young girls (10 and 12) and she routinely brings them to his house for sleep-overs, swims, etc. My problem is, I’m not willing to be the one who has him locked up for life, but I cringe every time I think of what’s going on at his house, and his daughter is there at least 4 or 5 days a week with her young girls and her 2 boys who are actually her boys AND her half-brothers. What can I do to stop what is happening without being the “Judas” in the family and sending my brother to jail for the rest of his life?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is occurring within your family, we can only imagine the pain it brings you and we want to do everything we can to help. We understand you feel helpless, pulled between protecting the children but also protecting the family as a whole. We are proud of you for speaking out and breaking the silence, that takes tremendous courage and bravery. We have a few suggestions that may be helpful to you in this situation. You may call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to report you concerns, and we can file a CPS report on your behalf. Everyone who answers the Support Line is a mandated reporter so we would be required to report your concerns.CPS exists to make sure that children are in the safest situations possible, and so they could be helpful in this situation to have an outside force come in and assess their safety. You could also call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 800.422.4453 and report your concerns. These are just a few suggestions, please feel free to reach out for support, we are here for you. 
Not a question but I have to vent. I’m 44 & went to BBQ @ a friends house with like around 20 people plus kids. I knew around half. We live in a small town so still know of the others. Adults drank including me, I got hammered & apparently passed out behind a car & was carried inside to a bed. I couldn’t move it was Tequila. I came around somewhat to a teenage boy I don’t remember, rubbing my vagina & sucking my breast. I still couldn’t move or talk, just roll slightly away. I think I fell unconscious again. It happened a few more times & once something was in my mouth-i think a finger. Then my friend XXXX caught him, I don’t know what he saw but he saw something cause I could hear him cussing the boy out & telling him not to go back in there. It happened again I could move this time, he tried to put my hand on his penis I took it away, asked for water & my phone. He gave me water, but I couldn’t even sit up or drink myself he had to hold my head up & give me the drink. I took it!! How sad, I took a drink from this little monster. I don’t remember if it happened again before my friend XXXX(BTW he’s gay) came back in & said he was going to lay with me to keep the boy off me. He said his name but I don’t remember but I know his mom. Then the freaking monster still came in there reached over XXXX& touched me!!!! XXXX grabbed him & told him to leave me alone. The boy tried to bargain a deal to have sex with me. I don’t know what all was done to my body while I was drunk. I feel like it’s my fault. I’m 44, was drunk ,& I couldn’t even make a freaking kid not hurt me. I finally could move a few hours later & drove home drunk in the middle of the night with one shoe on because I could finally move!! I don’t drive drunk so don t think that’s me. I just had to go I had to. I finally had some kind of control over my body & I wanted to get as far away as I could. I smelled the stink of the little monster on me, I wanted to burn my clothes. I washed them and showered. Been crying for hours & found this place to speak. I can’t tell anyone. I live in a small town in XXXXXXXX. I have a daughter & grandkids. Everybody knows everybody. I must just give off the scent of a victim. My life is puzzle put together with pain inflected at the hands of men usually violence now worse and not even a man- a man/child. Thank you for writing to WEAVE about your experience, you said you did not need a response to this message but we wanted to respond anyway to express our support to you. What you have been through is horrific, and we are so very sorry that this happened to you. There is no excuse for it. We want you to know that what happened to you is not your fault, regardless if you were intoxicated, your age, anything. You are not to blame for this, you are not alone. It is normal to feel any mix of emotions (shame, anger, sadness, etc) after experiencing something like what you did, and we want to stress that you do not have to be alone in this. Wherever you are, you have support. If you want to talk to someone about finding support and resources in your area, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have broken the silence, we are so proud of you. You are strong, you matter, you deserve goodness, we are here for you. 
My girlfriend went to Europe as an exchange student and to travel abroad. We agreed we would pick up our relationship when she returned. When she returned from Europe recently she was still the knockout. I was uncomfortable because my life hadn’t changed while she was gone. After she returned she showed me thousands of photos of her European travels and schooling. She definitely had changed. . . Other guys had sex with her in a flash but I was too sad and afraid. I don’t know if she was abused in Europe or that’s just how people do things over there. She says she always dreamed of me but then why did she have sex with all those different guys? Why would she show me naked pictures of herself and tell me this sexual stuff she did with other guys? Does she want me to be jealous? Does she want me to forgive her? Do you think she wants me to respond in a certain way? I feel completely defeated. I don’t know what to do. I now feel less of a person and feel further apart from her now than when she was still in Europe. I still love her. That’s what’s bothering me. I wish I could hate her but it’s like I only hate those European guys and the things they did together. I feel like a wimp and wuss. What should I say to her to end our relationship or am I wrong and need forgive her? She knows all about sex now and I didn’t know anything compared to her. I’ve not been answering her phone calls or messages because I don’t know how to respond. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you questions and concerns, we understand how upsetting this situation must be for you and also very confusing. It can be really scary and hurtful when someone you care about has experiences that seem dangerous or unlike them. It is ok for someone to express themselves in a way that is sexual or to have sexual experiences, as long as it is with their consent and within their comfort level. But it is not ok for her to force you to do sexual things that you do not want to do. And it is ok for you to not want to do sexual things with her, sexuality is a spectrum, and it doesn’t make you any less of a person or “man” if you do not want to have sex with her, no matter how you felt before her travels. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship, and perhaps it would be helpful to have an honest discussion about your feelings with her. If you are uncomfortable or upset with the sexual experiences she had during her travels, or with her forcing sexual expectations on you, you should share these feelings with her. People change, feelings grow, and it is ok if maybe you two are different people and want different things in romantic partners. We understand that you feel upset and defeated and we want to encourage you to reach out for support on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, where you can talk to anyone about your experiences and they can provide you with an unbiased perspective on your feelings. 
Was I rejected? I was texting this girl, she told me about her crappy day and how she cried. I texted her back saying, that I can’t possibly imagine what she’s feeling right now but I want her to know that I’m there for her. She didn’t answer right away, but when she did she started talking about her nephew? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand you have some concerns over feeling rejected by a person you were texting. Communication nowadays (texting, messaging) can be very impersonal (versus face to face conversations) so it can be really hard to read other people’s tones or emotions surrounding their messages. Based on what you shared, it sounds like the girl you were texting appreciated your kind words but wanted to change the topic. If you are still feeling rejected or upset, you could always approach her, maybe between classes or outside of school, and check in with her to make sure you aren’t overstepping any boundaries. 
Should I report to the police or to my school? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Without more information about what you are wanting to report, it is hard for us to give you a clear answer, but we can assure you that whatever decision you make we will fully support you. If you have experienced something that was upsetting, traumatic, or out of your control, it is important that you feel what happens next is entirely in your control, and that whatever decision you make comes from you and only you. Reporting to your school or law enforcement would be helpful to you, but you can also do both if you would like. Please, know that you are not alone in this. We want to help you, and if you ever want to talk to someone about what you are going through or if you have more question, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

This family I know lives in this historic gold mining town. Their mother is my mom’s best friend. I’ve known this family since I was a baby. In summers, weekends, and school holidays my mom regularly had me stay with them. Because I am the same age as two of her sons we three would go play basketball or explore in the woods. We’d fish or put on our riding gear and helmets and race our off road motorcycles and mountain bikes. We would go to the theater, walk around town, play in the parks, or do something. Because the three of us grew up together we often saw each other naked. We started skinnydipping as early as I can remember. Our parents and people would take all of us children to a river or lake and said take off your clothes and jump in. When I got older the brothers and I would often on hot days go skinnydip and sunbathe nude by ourselves. This one time when I was 16 we three were at this local river. The brothers took their clothes off and went swimming. I stayed on the shore to suntan with this other girl I met. This girl acted unusual. She was constantly trying to position, rub, touch, oil, and kiss me. We did some kissing and more personal things. I think it was a trick for her or others to film or photograph us naked having sex. I finally realized it when she kept moving her three daypacks because they probably had cameras and sound recorders in them. Another time I was tanning and had this uncomfortable feeling like I was being watched. I put my swim shorts on. When the boys returned they thought they’d be funny. One grabbed my hands and the other pulled off my swim pants. Being forced to be naked I really lost it. I cried really emotionally. The brothers apologized and handed me back my swim shorts. I’ve noticed in the past couple of weeks with the warming weather I’ve been really emotional and traumatized feeling. I think it has to do with knowing that soon hot summer days will be here when I often skinnydipped and sunbathed nude. There was this time I was at the river when these older guys went up to this teenage girl my age. They pulled off her bikini top and tried to pull off her bottoms. A group fight almost started because some other boys told the guys to give back her top and leave her alone. Guys were cheering to see her assaulted. Another time I was at this other swim place. There were a lot of teenagers smoking tobacco, marijuana, and drinking alcohol. There was this really pretty girl my age swimming. Some boys said she couldn’t swim there unless she was naked. She ignored the boys and kept swimming. Three boys dived in to the water to undress her. Luckily she swam to the other side and climbed out before they got her. When I was young skinnydipping and sunbathing nude seemed so easygoing, natural, and innocent. Now I feel worried and terrified about it. There are perverts and rapists and people with drones and cameras. Places we went before now have people hiding in the woods waiting with telephoto lens cameras to take pictures. It’s just not safe anymore to risk taking off clothes outside. I’ve experienced it. People will even undress or try to undress you. I remember many times on the river when men and even some women would offer me free alcohol and drugs so they could basically get a chance to take nude pictures or rape me. It’s very scary. Why any teen or other person would even risk taking even a drink of liquor or a hit on a pipe is beyond me anymore. I’m feeling really terrified. I know this summer innocent teens will end up raped and hurt trying to swim and sunbathe naked like I once foolishly did. What should I do to ease my anxiety? I feel like teens don’t know like I do because I never read, see, or hear anything about this public nudity violence and abuse that happens. I didn’t even sleep all night because I’m worrying about it.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you concerns, we recognize how traumatizing these incidents must have been for you and we are so sorry that this happened to you. It is never ok for someone to make you do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, or to do anything without your permission, like take pictures of you or take your swim shorts off. The feelings you describe still experiencing are very common with cases of sexual assault, where someone feels violated and anxious about being in situations similar to the one’s where they experienced the trauma. So feeling anxious about the weather changing and possibly going swimming, etc, is very normal and you shouldn’t feel like there is anything wrong with you for feeling the way you do. There are many things you can do to help with your anxieties and any possible residual trauma you may be experiencing. Practicing self-care through moments of anxiety but also every day life is very important. Find activities that relax you, make you feel comfortable, happy, safe, secure and relaxed are vital. Some activities could be: drawing, dancing, writing, singing, taking walks or bike rides, those are just a few examples. Rely upon your support system in times of hardship, find a friend you feel comfortable with and share your feelings with them. What may also be helpful would be getting connected with Counseling resources within your community. Counseling, either in a group or individual environment, can be very helpful in learning coping and healing skills. If you would like some help in accessing Counseling resources within your community please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Should i quit my job because of how my boss is/ i don’t how he treats me ?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we know how challenging relationships between bosses and their employees can be, and recognizing when a boundary is being crossed, regardless by whom, is a very important quality to have in life and in the work force. If you are feeling unhappy, uncomfortable, or unappreciative in your job, than it is not a productive or positive factor in your life. Working at a job should be a place where you are learning skills, being challenged by new situations, and respected by your fellow employees and superiors. But realistically, a lot of people have to settle and work in situation where they are not treated as well because they need the money. If you are able to find a new job where you are happier and treated better, than yes! Go for it! If you have any more questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Is it abuse for a person who is 16 to take showers with her two oldest brothers? Her brothers are 12 and 13. She says her mom makes her do it because their trailer hot water tank costs too much and doesn’t have enough hot water for persons to take their own shower. 

My second question. There are seven children. Her two youngest brothers sleep in her room. Is that legal for children of opposite sex in the same room?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we understand you have some very real concerns for your friend’s welfare and we appreciate you being such a great advocate for her. Some of the things you described that are occurring are alarming, and we feel it would be helpful to your friend to discuss the issues further with a trusted adult or even a crisis advocate on WEAVE’s 24/7 Support and Information Line. A good trusted adult to get involved in the situation might be a teacher, family friend, parent, guidance counselor, coach, etc, someone you feel comfortable talking with. Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful to your friend as well because crisis counselor’s can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to your friend. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. Thanks again for being a great friend! 

So a couple years ago, I kind of hoped to put this behind me but I don’t know if I can until I know how to label it, I was driving home from a vacation with my parents. I was about thirteen I think, and had a math packet I had to do over spring break but I was allowed to simply have fun while we were actually at our vacation destination. The deal was I had to do it on the ride home. So I did, only problem was, I couldn’t focus for long periods of time so I had to take frequent breaks. We got up early to leave so these breaks either consisted of me napping or reading the book I had brought along. My parents seemed okay with me napping, they didn’t stop me at least, but apparently reading was out of the question. I tried to explain that I couldn’t focus for long amounts of time, especially not on math, and reading helped my mind relax so I could work on it efficiently again. I really was trying to get stuff done, I just needed to do it the way that worked for me. But that way didn’t work with my parents. So my dad threatened to come into the back seat and make me do my homework if I didn’t stop reading. Well I knew that reading was helping me and I only read one chapter at a time so it wasn’t like I was wasting a ton of time on reading instead of working. So I continued my little process and my dad did as he had threatened. He came into the back seat then proceeded to pinch, smack, poke, and prod me all the while saying I needed to get back to work. I was trying to ignore him but he was actually hurting me. Soon enough I stopped reading but didn’t get back to work right away and apparently that’s what I had to do to get him to leave me alone. I started crying and kept telling him to stop and leave me alone but he didn’t listen, instead just grinning and continuing, saying all I had to do was start working on my math again and he’d stop. On some of his little “motivations,” he got quite close to parts it would be extremely inappropriate for my father to touch in any way. The only reason he stopped, as he had completely ignored me telling him to stop, was because we for pulled over for speeding. See, during this time my step mom was driving but she didn’t do anything, even when I was crying. She simply said the same things my dad was. “If you just do your homework he’ll stop.” When the cop walked up to the window I was incredibly tempted to jump out of the car and tell him what happened but I stayed quiet in fear of my parents getting angry at me. Then the cop drove away and my dad finally moved to sit back up front, not touching me again. I don’t know what to call what happened but for some reason I need to know if it’s classified as harassment or assault. If my dad has abused me in more ways than calling me an arrogant selfish brat and a burden to my face. I am none of those things, but after that incident I can’t love my father the way I used to and I can’t trust or respect him either. Yet he still demands that I respect him then gets angry when I tell him I only respect those that deserve my respect. He seems to think I should thank him every chance I get and respect him unconditionally just because he helped create me and puts a roof over my head. But I can’t. Not after what happened and what he has called me. But, I need to know because I am 16 and can’t say I’m completely educated on these types of things, so I was wondering, is my father truly abusing/ harassing/ assaulting me in anyway or should I let it go?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you question, we understand how upsetting that must have been for you but also very confusing. It is never ok for someone to touch you in a way that hurts you or makes you feel uncomfortable. There are certain boundaries that need to be established, and play fighting can be normal and fun with other family members, but not if it hurts you or upsets you. Do you feel comfortable talking about the incident with other family members, like your step mom or your dad? If not, perhaps another trusted adult you know, such as a teacher or family friend? These situations can be really upsetting and we want you to feel heard and understood. What also may be helpful would be to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where you can speak to a confidential crisis counselor any time. Anything you share with us will be 100% confidential, between you and the person you speak to, and sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is not directly a part of your life, like a teacher or friend. They can give you an unbiased perspective on what happened, and provide you with support. It’s hard to deal with stuff like this on your own, and we want to help you in any way we can. 
When I was 14, a freshman in high school, I dated a boy who was a junior and 2 years older than me. About a month into the relationship he started to get sexual with me. One night we were sitting on the couch watching a movie when he stuck his hands down my pants. I didn’t tell him no but I remember as he put his fingers inside of me I went numb. I stared blankly at the wall waiting for it to be over. I let him do it but I know that it was not what I wanted. I felt guilty for awhile after it happened and was ashamed. But, he would still do it to me and I continued to let him until I was brainwashed into thinking that I wanted it. A few weeks after that first experience, he asked me to send me naked photos. I told him no because I didn’t want to and I knew that I should not be doing that. But he told me that all of his ex-girlfriends did it for him and that everyone does it. I continued to say no but eventually he convinced he because I was afraid that if I didn’t send him pictures, then he would break up with me and go back to one of his old girlfriends. Once again, I felt so guilty after I did it. I hated doing it but eventually I became numb to it and convinced myself it was normal. About 2 or 3 months into the relationship, he asked for oral sex. I said no but he told me it wasn’t fair that he did stuff to me but I never did anything for him. Fearing that he would break up with me I did it. He would make me sneak into rooms around my house when my family was home and give him oral sex. I felt so guilty about it and it never went away. I used to tell my best friend everything that I did with him but once this started happening I lied to her and told her that we stopped doing things because I was ashamed. While we weren’t having sexual intercourse, he eventually told me one day “I can’t graduate a virgin so if you can’t give that to me then I don’t know if this is going to work”. Fearing that I would lose him I told him that I would be ready before he graduated. Luckily, we never made it to that because 2 weeks after he said that, he cheated on me and lost his virginity to his ex girlfriend. I was devastated and heart broken because I thought I was in love with him. Looking back on it now I know that it was nowhere near love, but at the time he was really my only friend and I thought losing him was the worst thing that could happen. We broke up and didn’t talk for a month but as summer ended and school started he started texting me again and telling me how he made a mistake and wanted me back. I was naive and took the bait. We had only been texting for a few days when he asked for pictures again. I wanted him back and I thought that this could be the way to do it so I did. The next day, I hit my lowest point. My parents had read my text messages and saw all the pictures I had sent. Not only that, but they read how he was talking to me and how he was being sexually deeming. I was so ashamed. Months of repressing my feelings of guilt all came out at that moment. I completely disappointed and embarrassed my parents. While they were disappointed in me, they were disgusted and angered about my ex boyfriend. Desperate to get me away from him, they transferred me to a different high school. It took me over a year to get over the whole experience and to realize that my parents had forgiven me. I was depressed and was struggling with adapting to a whole new school and friends. Time helped me move on and I eventually forgot most of it. But, at the very end of my senior year, I got a new boyfriend, the first one in 3 years since my ex. He is everything I have ever wanted and I know that I am truly in love with him. He is respectful and kind and he treats me better than any guy has ever treated me. As I was now almost 18, I figured I was ready to start doing more stuff than just kissing again. I wanted to this time and I didn’t feel pressured. But, the first time I gave oral sex to my current boyfriend, I had a terrible flashback. I went completely numb again and I could hardly remember even doing it. I figured this was normal since it had been almost 3 years. I brushed it off. My boyfriend and I continued to occasionally do oral sex, but everytime I did it I was extremely paranoid. Even if we are just making out, I get super paranoid about getting caught or I feel like what I am doing is bad. I know its not bad and I want to do it so why do I feel so guilty? I am in a relationship with someone that I love and I can’t seem to get this feeling of guilt out of my head. We are now in a long distance relationship as have gone away for college and I have noticed that recently in the past 4 months it has gotten really bad. I can’t remember the last time I gave him oral sex because I have been avoiding it. The feelings of guilt have gotten worse so it is just easier if I avoid it all together. But, its gotten so bad that I can’t even make out with him without feeling bad. I don’t want to feel like this anymore because I really want to do this stuff with him. I have made the decision to not have sex until I am married but I am okay with oral sex and I want to be able to experience that with him without feeling so guilty. I have been thinking a lot lately and about my ex boyfriend. I know that I never said no to him, but I was an insecure 14 year old at the time and he completely took advantage of me. Was I sexually assaulted by him? Are these feelings I am having with my current boyfriend PTSD? I don’t want to feel this way anymore and I need to get this out of my head so I can move forward with my current boyfriend. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions and concerns, we understand how upsetting this must be for you and we are so sorry you are experiencing this. It sounds like you experienced a lot of harmful, traumatic things within your first relationship that may be still impacting you today, which is incredibly normal. WEAVE defines sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. What you experienced within your first relationship was not healthy, and we are so sorry that happened to you. Trauma is not straightforward, so neither is the healing process. The flashbacks and frozen feelings you described are very common, and reasonably upsetting. What may be helpful to you would be to participate in some form of Counseling, be it individual or group. We at WEAVE offer several different forms of Counseling services that are dedicated towards helping Sexual Assault survivors learn coping and healing skills. Please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where you can learn more about how to receive Counseling services through WEAVE, or if you just want someone to talk to we have trained crisis counselors who can provide emotional support to anyone who calls. There is healing beyond trauma, you broke the silence and that takes tremendous courage, we are so proud of you. We are here for you, we care, we believe you, and we want to help you.
I made friends with a guy on campus, and he is a bit too clingy/flirty at times. Any suggestions on how I can stay safe from him? Or a way I can tell him how I feel about this? Any tips on how to be safer from someone I see frequently on campus? I think my safety is in danger.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand how scary it can be to have someone overstepping boundaries and doing things that make us feel uncomfortable, and we want to do everything we can to help you. It’s important that you know that every student has a right to their education, and if someone is disrupting you from feeling safe on campus or in the classroom, that is not ok. Some things we would suggest would be talking about this with a trusted adult or teacher, perhaps even your guidance counselor? Your school may have some specific policies on harassment. But if you feel that your safety is in danger, then you should alert campus police. Depending on what school you attend, we have WEAVE advocates who are on campus certain days of the week and it may be helpful for you to meet with one of them. We have a Confidential WEAVE advocate that works out of the Los Rios campus. If you would like more information about that, if can be viewed on our website under “Get Help”-”WEAVE at Los Rios”. If you would like any more information on how we can help you, what services we offer, or just someone to talk to about what you are experiencing, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

One of my roommate friends is a big believer in what she calls ‘healing arts.’ She is into things like massage, aromatherapy, candles, and other things. It sometimes feels to me like a mystical imaginary belief system my friend and her friends follow. They believe in stones and gems that release energy and reading peoples energy levels. To me I don’t really know what it is all about. All I know is I worry if she is getting tricked by some people. She was telling how she sometimes goes to these sessions where she takes off all her clothes. She gets under a sheet and she lets different men masturbate her in these certain ways. They have to follow certain rules to do it. Sometimes the men wear gloves to demonstrate there is not a skin to skin contact with her, like that makes any difference. It all sounds so strange to me. She got in with this other group of people who I would call just having sex orgies basically. She gets all offended when I call it that, saying it is ‘mutual understanding’ and finding ‘insightfulness.’ I tell her I think it sounds to me like a bunch of balogna. She is just getting basically screwed and used I think but she feels it helps her find serenity and understanding of the universe. How do I help my friend? She is like she is sucked into her beliefs so strongly she is just doing really dangerous and disturbing things. A few nights ago I saw the television was on in our family room but in the darkness didn’t see anyone in there. I went to turn it off. I found she was on the carpet in our living room, totally naked, masturbating, with headphones on. I have seen enough females so it wasn’t that. But I unplugged her headphones and she opened her eyes. I asked her what the hell she thought she was doing that sort of thing on our living room floor. She was like I was just about to cum and how dare I intrude upon her when she was timing the orgasm to a tape to she was listening too. Should I just write this person off as just a nut or do you think she needs help from Weave? How do people help someone like her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this sounds like a very stressful and upsetting situation but your friend is lucky to have you as an advocate for her health and safety. We understand that someone practicing a different form of belief system can be confusing, but what you are describing sounds a little scary. If you are concerned for your friend’s safety, you can share your feelings with her in a non-judgmental way and tell her that you care for her and want her to be safe, and that you are here for her. We feel it may be helpful if you give your friend our 24/7 Support and Information Line where she can talk to a crisis counselor and we can help assess whether your friend is putting herself in a dangerous situation. That number is 916.920.2952. Please remember it is important that you are in an environment where you feel safe, and that you are taking care of yourself. If you feel it would be helpful to talk to someone about what you are experiencing, don’t hesitate to use the Support Line yourself. We are here for you, and we care. 

My sister inlaw got smaked around by her boyfriend i dont know i havent seen her .im just curious why wont she go to the hospital or go to the cops .i think theres more to the story

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand you’re concerned for your sister-in-law and appreciate you advocating for her. When it comes to issues of domestic violence and abuse, things that seem simple are never really quite simple, such as if someone came up to you in the street and hit you, it would be really easy to recognize that as wrong and take action against it. Whereas, when someone is experiencing domestic violence within their relationship, there is a lot going on that makes it hard for the person being abused to do things like tell the police or go to the hospital. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. There may be some manipulation that is occurring within the relationship to make her believe that she deserves this abuse, or that she cannot do anything to change it. That is very common and very upsetting. It is hard to watch someone you care about being hurt, and there are many things you can do to help your sister-in-law. If you would like some ideas of how you can help your sister-in-law, feel free to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. And always, if you feel someone you care about is being hurt and are in danger, call 911. 

When I was younger like around 16 I was a very friendly polite young person but now that I’m almost 22, I have grown to hate myself so much for my mistakes that I:
A) find it difficult to sleep at night
B) Have attempted suicide three times. (Once during school and twice after I left school)
C) constantly think about disappearing and or running away
My self hate is so threatening I’m almost always in a bad mood the night before and in the morning and during the whole day. Even if I’m around friends, I don’t talk as much as I used to and instead think about how much I hate my pathetic existence. No one in my life knows about the 3 suicide attempts or about my self hate. I have kept all of this a secret for the past 13 years. (2004-2017). Please someone tell me what’s wrong with me. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and want to help you in any way we can. We recognize how hard it can be to open up and share how you are feeling, and we are appreciative that you found a safe space here on our message boards. It must have been very hard to carry the weight of your suicide attempts on your own. Many people struggle with insecurities and suicidal ideations, and finding the skills to cope and heal, a support system, and a safe place to express your feelings is most important to combating these feelings you are having. Sometimes it helps that when you are having suicidal thoughts to have a plan of how to cope with them. Such as, certain actions you can take instead of committing suicide. These can look like: going for a walk in a place that is peaceful and safe (perhaps a nearby park), listening to your favorite music, drawing, reading, writing in a journal, and then the list increases in seriousness. The next step might be reaching out to a trusted friend or adult to share your feelings with, or calling the National Suicide Hotline at 1.800.273.8255. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and you are not alone in this. It may be helpful to speak to a Counselor about these thoughts you are having and your past suicide attempts. If you would like some more information on how to get connected with a Counselor in your area, resources available to you, or even just a supportive, unbiased person to talk to, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are a good person whose life has value and matters. We are here for you, we support you, we want you safe and alive, we care.
My life is nothing like most people. It doesn’t get better. Tonight I only had three hours sleep. I slept on the floor with just a my school backpack under my head for a pillow, no mattress under me, no blanket above me, with a light on. I woke up at midnight to start my day. I’m coming to realize it never will get better if I stay in California. Friday I went to a psychologist to talk to him about my problems. I was kidnapped when I was a child. I was raped, beaten, terrorized, and sexually abused for years. Sometimes I was chained up like a dog. I go to the psychologist to talk about this stuff Friday. What does he do? THE F***ER DOESN’T BELIEVE ME!!!! He asks if I was ever in a psychiatric ward. He asks if I hear voices. He asks me who my psychiatrist is. Why the F*** would I need a psychiatrist? He asked me do I see things other people don’t see? He asked if I ever talked to god or people on other planets. F*** NO! I know what day it is. He basically just refused to believe me at every turn. This so-called “expert” did just about everything but call me a f***ing liar. I AM NOT CRAZY!!! When I told him things he kept going “What!!!?” “What!!!?” Then the F***ING A**HOLE has the B***S to say”I strongly advise you to not tell anyone anymore what we have been discussing. People don’t need to know what you THINK happened to you. They wouldn’t understand.” THINK???? Discussing? I’m not discussing. I’m TELLING and all he does is he believes I’m crazy! I’m still so angry right now!!! I want to go to the top of a tall mountain and scream. I guess I have been going crazy since before it began. It’s like this life I’ve lived,other than certain charity organizations and people, want to act and pretend it didn’t happen. Even law enforcement, including the FBI and the D.A., are f***ing against me. I’m so mad at myself right now. I KNEW this was going to happen. I waited MONTHS for nothing! Now the F***ING psychologist I tried for months to get one to meet with me asks me if I’m getting three meals a day and if I am getting enough sleep. WHY THE F*** WOULD I CARE ABOUT FOOD AND SLEEP AFTER WHAT I WENT THROUGH???!!! I wished he were chained up and beaten and raped. Let him live like I was forced to live FOR YEARS and then h’d know why I don’t give a F*** about my food and why I can’t sleep. I’ve tried FOR YEARS to take baby steps to see if people would believe me. I took little steps to test others trust. I confided with certain people using stories and hypothetical situations to see if I would ever be believed. I realize now I really am COMPLETELY F***ED. I’m alone in this F***ING LIFE on my own existence. I’m F***ED twice, first in all those years I was a prisoner and victimized. Now I’m F***ED AGAIN because I’m not believed and not supposed to talk about it? I’m finally coming to accept no one really cares about me. You probably will not even post this question because I know how sensitive this topic gets for the public to hear. My kidnapper is still living free, probably with other children prisoners in his house. It feels I’m blocked and stymied and disbelieved at every turn. I’ve tried to tell others what happened. It’s time I leave this F***ING PIECE OF S*** COUNTRY. I’m at the end of my rope on remaining options. I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide would mean my kidnapper and his evil friends win. My only other viable option besides suicide is to LEAVE THIS F***ING COUNTRY. Just let the other victims figure out their own survival, like rats on a sinking ship. I can’t worry about this world anymore. I have to look out for what keeps me alive. Would Weave have anyone I can I go to learn about other countries to live? I just want to get the F*** out of here. I know no place will be 100% perfect or safe. But at least I’ll be gone from this F***HOLE OF A COUNTRY. I’m not safe here. I never will feel safe here. I apologize for being so loud and profane. It’s just my life is not getting better. Its getting worse. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate your honesty and for utilizing this space as a place to communicate your frustrations and experiences. What you have been through is horrific, and we are so sorry that, one, these were your experiences, and two, no one has provided you with the support you deserve. We believe you, and we want to help you in any way we can. There is a lot that we can do to help you, from little things like having a safe place to sleep at night and food and clothes, to getting to a place where you feel safer. We realize that things like food and clothes are not a big concern to you right now but we want to make sure you are safe and healthy so if you are wanting to transition somewhere safer, you are able to do so. No one deserves to live on the streets and to not be safe, and we have resources that can help you. If you are interested in any resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We want to help make your life better. 
September 2016 my mother lost her job. We had to move. My mother moved to her man friend. I moved in with a school friend. The first 2 nights I slept on a couch. Her mother complained. She didn’t like my things in the living room. I moved to my friend’s bedroom. I was willing to sleep on the floor. Her mother said no. She didn’t want blankets and pillows on the floor. I started sleeping with my friend in her bed. The third night we were in bed my friend spooned me. At first I liked it. We hugged. I am not 100% innocent. I made my own choices to make this problem. I hugged her. I started it because I kissed her first. I was happy to have a place to live. It felt nice to be in bed with her, at least at first. She mistook my reasons. Each night she started this thing of hugging and kissing me. It was a night thing we did for each other. I didn’t want to make her angry. I could have probably easily stopped it at first but I didn’t speak my mind. I played along. I hugged and kissed her back. I had no other place to live. If she got her mad I’d have no place to go. She started stroking my hair and pulling off my shirt. She would rub my skin but not sexually yet. Later it became much more sexual. I was like a prisoner in her house. I do what she asks now because what else can I do? I turned 18 2 weeks ago. My only 2 goals are 1) survive. 2) graduate college so I don’t end up like my mother. I did check on joining the air force. I really don’t want to be in the military. Because there is no illegal crime (only hugging, kissing, and sex) and I really consented I’m not like a true crime victim either because I did agree. Or do you think it is a crime but I never have said no. I don’t know. I just know she is very loving and generous to me but I am the evil one for being deceptive to her. It just keeps going on almost daily in different ways. Even if its sometimes very pleasurable in some ways its still making me feel dead inside. Some days I just get us to orgasms if she wants sex fast so I can get it over. She is very loving and sweet to me. She has never physically fought me or even said a curse word to me. Am I my own victim I did to myself? I don’t know what to call this situation I’m in because I did it to myself because I lie and don’t tell her honestly.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are in this situation where you feel pressured to participate in activities that make you uncomfortable due to safety reasons. We cannot imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. To answer your question in regards to if it is your fault, no it is not your fault. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. You should not feel pressured to stay in a situation where you are doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, you do have options, and we want to help connect you with resources that may help you. If you would like to be connected with some resources, information about services we may be able to provide for you, or just someone to talk to, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We care, and we are here for you. 
I don’t have any friends. I feel like a loser. I don’t participate in any competitions/events in college. Is there something wrong with me? Why does no one like me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize how hard and scary it can be to feel different from other people and we are sorry that you are struggling with this. This world is composed of many, many different types of people, and it’s the differences that makes us unique and interesting. We are so sorry that you feel like no one likes you and that there is something wrong with you. Unfortunately, sometimes people can be cruel and when they meet someone who isn’t the same as themselves, that can be “threatening” or “confusing” for them, and they can be bullies to make themselves feel better. It does not mean something is wrong with you. Perhaps focusing on the things you do enjoy will help you feel better, such as if you enjoy reading or painting, participate in that activity more, even if it’s just for you. And remember, it’s the quality of the people who are a part of your life, not the quantity. Having one person in your life who makes you feel good or who cares about you is worth more than fifty, uncaring friends. If you are ever having a hard time and want some support or just someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Next year when I go to high school I am told I have to undress and shower naked for PE classes. I just can’t do it. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t like being naked in front of others. Do I have a right to tell them no? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this situation is really scary and uncomfortable for you and we are sorry you are feeling this anxiety. Entering high school, a new environment, can be scary enough, and we are sure that feeling nervous about this on top of that must be really upsetting. We feel strongly that it may be helpful to talk to a trusted adult, perhaps a parent or even a teacher, would be best for this situation. No one can force you to do something you are not comfortable with, especially when it comes to your body. We are sure if you just share your thoughts and feelings about this situation with a trusted adult they will help your directly come to a solution. If you ever have any questions, concerns, or need support, feel free to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I am feeling terrible what I let happen to my daughter. I thought this could never happen to my child. I was a child care provider for five years. I was trained to look for all the warning signs. There was a neighbor girl who is five years older than our daughter. We had no idea she was a child molester. This neighbor girl preyed upon our daughter for many years. We let our daughter stay overnight and even entire weekends at her house on numerous occasions. We unknowingly handed our daughter over to her to be abused right under our noses. We just didn’t know. Not only that, we permitted this abuser’s family to take our daughter on trips to Disneyland and other places, on ship cruises, on weekend getaways, and even vacation trips outside the United States. I feel awful I used to encourage my daughter to go take trips with this family. There were many times I’d find my daughter playing alone and encourage her to go play with this girl. My daughter has always been academically advanced so I thought they were a great fit. Had I only known…. What makes the situation a bit of a challenge is I didn’t know about my daughter’s abuse until my daughter became an adult. My daughter is very smart. She, like many very intelligent children, was wise at also knowing how to hide her victimization very well for so long. I knew something wasn’t right only when our daughter suddenly stopped all contact with this other girl. I could tell by the way my daughter became angry whenever I mentioned her abuser’s name there was possible abuse. My daughter was on edge and angry, unlike her usual happy disposition. In time she was cracking. I could just drive past her abuser’s house and my daughter would get upset. It was simple math for me finally to tell this was something more than a normal friendship gone wrong. My daughter went to counseling. She received medical care and was put on medication for depression. We even moved so she didn’t have to feel trapped into being so close to her offender’s family. What I find especially sad is because my daughter is now an adult, she has to be the one now to come forward to press charges. California laws are just not up to the times, just like children under the age of 18 are still permitted to marry child predators in California given the appropriate consent. I think my daughter is holding back from pressing charges because she still feels some loyalty to her abuser. I am proud she did write a letter to her abuser and told her abuser to never contact her ever again or she would go to the police. Some progress is being made. But does WEAVE ever think of holding group support meetings for survivors? I know you provide individual counseling. But having my daughter hear from other survivors in a group setting is the empowerment I believe my daughter really needs to hear.

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how hard this situation must be on you and your family and we want to do everything possible to help your daughter cope and heal from this trauma. We actually do offer both individual and group counseling for survivors of sexual assault. In order to receive any kind of Counseling services, one must attend our free Walk-In Triage Assessment hours which occur Tuesday (12pm-2pm), Wednesday (5pm-7pm) and Thursday (12pm-2pm) at our 1900 K Street Midtown office location. No appointment is necessary. Events like these can be incredibly traumatic not only for the survivors but also for their family members so we would encourage everyone in the family to pursue Counseling services so you can provide the best support for each other. We are so sorry, again, that this happened to your daughter. 

I am no longer with this person I want to ask about. She sometimes had me to do things sexually I didn’t feel comfortable doing. I can’t really talk to people about it because people I have talked to about it don’t take it serious or understand… People I talked to laugh and think its funny I’m upset and not calming down. I’m not laughing. I’m crying. Girls tell how they were abused and people cry and say how awful. I tell what happened to me and people ask me to tell them more sex stories and smile and want to high 5. What am I supposed to feel when a girl totally stalked me and used me for herself until I was dumped for her next victim?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so proud of you for reaching out today and recognize how hard it can be to break the silence. It can be hard to know how to respond or react when someone you cared about was manipulating you into doing things that you were not comfortable with and putting you in various unsafe situations. It is never ok for someone to make you do things sexually that you are uncomfortable with doing or that you say no to. After what you have experienced, it is normal to respond emotionally in many different ways, and it is important to have a support system. Here at WEAVE, we offer a variety of Counseling services that may be helpful to you, if you would like more information on our Counseling services, or on other services we provide, please reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. This phone number can also be used to get you in touch with advocates who can provide you with emotional support and crisis counseling.

Question:Is justified for me to move out?

I don’t want to stay at home with my brother who has ADHD and lashes out at me. I get scolded by my parents all the time because I’m the older one and my brother has mental health problems. I would always argue with my family because I get emotional and whatever I do is always wrong eventhough I’m tasked to take care of my brother. He scolds and blames me for whatever he does. I was in the toilet washing my hands he wanted to shower before going for tuition, he would blame me for that brief moment of washing my hands as to being unable to shower and cursed me to die. He could have used any time before his tuition to shower but he just blames me. My parents berated me and said I was hogging the toilet. They are always pulling me down for simple mistakes. Few days ago I had to accompany my brother to make a new transport card for him. I reminded him that he is already 17 and should do his own work like paying attention to the counter calling his number and going up to pass the papers. He always waits for me to nudge him and move. So he yelled at me in front of the public like I’m a maid to him and said he knew what he is doing. His number got called three times and I nudged him slightly on the second time telling him to check the monitor displaying his number. After that I told him directly that his number was called many times before the next number and he freaked out. Just because Im his sister doesnt mean I have to suffer because of him. I dont mind if he make mistakes but he never admits them. After the number incident he grudged at me saying I never told him what number and he didnt know there was a number on the paper and things like it was your fault not mine, it was the stupid paper not me. My parents spoiled him enough to not even think of me as human. I have scars on my right elbow and knee. He used to beat me up after school when I started middle school and he was in primary school. It was embarassing and the security guard had to come over and chase him off. He wanted to show off his taekwondo skills. I came home crying n telling mom I was beaten up by my brother and my mom never bothered until the security guard came up to my mom once and I was bleeding profusely. I cried and cried helplessly eventhough being a 13 year old. I had been put down so much and my family never supports me ambitions. They kept forcing me to study something else and made excuses that other subjects were not good for me. Then they’d tell others that they gave me freedom to make my own choices. I’d come up to other people when my family says that and tell them straight up I prefer being a vet than an actuarist. My family would glare at me and shake their head and say no. They would restrict me and bully me so much that Im going crazy I want to kill myself or just run away because everything I do here is so wrong. Im never right. Please help me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you are feeling like you’re not supported or heard, which can make some people feel like they’re not getting the love they need from their family.  It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with taking care of your brother. If you haven’t already had a heart to heart talk with your parents it may be a good idea to talk to them about how your feeling? They may also be feeling overwhelmed and may not notice or clearly understand how you are feeling. Your safety is our number one concern.  It is very important that you reach out to an adult in your life that you trust, such as a teacher, counselor, or an adult friend? If you are in a situation and your safety is in jeopardy I recommend calling the police or letting a teacher or counselor know. A permanent solution such as taking your life may not the best solution to a temporary problem. We are always here to talk. WEAVE’s 24 hour support line is (916) 920-2952 you are not alone and we are here to help. The suicide hotline may also be a helpful resource to reach out to their number is Suicide Prevention Crisis Line (530) 666-7778 (916) 372-6565. National Runaway Safe line (800) 786-2929 24 hour youth hotline. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help I encourage you to continue to reach out and let people know how your feeling. 

I started talking to this guy that I meet on Snapchat and I told him I didn’t want to be with him and so he’s been threatening me over the phone and texting me nonstop and I’m so scared (im 16 hes 19) (he lives in a different state) is there anything I can do?!?! Please help me

This sounds like a very scary situation. I encourage you to reach out to an adult for help and make your parents aware.  I would also encourage you to call the police to ensure that there is not anything legally you can do to keep yourself safe. There are also restraining orders that some people get to keep themselves safe. I’m not sure if changing your number is an option but it could be one way that he would no longer have communication access to you or change your snapchat account or put restrictions on your phone or snap chat account. I would also be aware to disable any GPS or location identifying information on your phone. I know that sometimes facebook or other social media sites posts your location. I really appreciate you reaching out for help and recognizing this is a very unsafe situation.  The fact that this person is over 18 years old and you are underage gives it another layer to your situation so I hope that law enforcement would be helpful in explaining your options. WEAVE also has counseling and group counseling if this is something you are interested in. It may be nice to have a safe person to talk to about this situation. WEAVE also has a 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to speak to a peer counselor over the phone. I hope some of this information is helpful and please continue reaching out for help until you feel safe.  

There is a boy at my school I had a crush. We were together for eight months. We met in cross country. Saturday a month back I was with him. We were alone at his house. We kissed and were doing make out. I never did all the way sex. I was nervous. My boobs felt like frozen rocks. My privates felt strange. I told him I wasn’t ready. Because we had run and were sweaty I told him we could shower together. We washed, kissed and made out in his shower. It was great for me but he said it wasn’t enough. He was rubbing I’ll call his ‘thing’ on my skin and against my personal ‘places’ on me ‘entertaining’ himself and trying to get me to do more. He washed me (and I mean ‘all over and in’) with the soap. It ended badly because I wouldn’t touch ‘it’. I told him l needed time for me to know him first. He said l had gotten enough time and quit being a ‘tease’. He broke up with me that Saturday because I didn’t ‘do it’ with him. Some of my friends say it was my fault because I led him on by showering with him. I made it worse because we had kissed and made out in the shower. I also let him soapsuds and wash me the way we did. Now he has a new girlfriend. She is a runner too. What’s also upsetting me too is some of my friends tell me he and his girlfriend have already had sex. They’ve only been steady for two weeks! I know its over for me and him but should I tell his new girlfriend how he treated me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry your relationship ended, and you have to see him with his new girlfriend at practice. Relationships are tricky and hard especially when there are sexual pressures. I am proud that you stood up and listened to your inner gut, when you told him you weren’t ready. The biggest thing is doing things on your time and when you are ready. I understand your question about wanting to tell her how he treated you, and that question can only be answered by you! What are the pros and cons of telling her? By telling her will it help you or her? I say listen to your gut, it guided you correctly before :)

I worry if my mind is getting schizophrenia. Today I had these really vivid disturbing memories and images of some painful and terrifying experiences I had when I was sexually abused as a teen. It was very very disturbing. I cannot describe it as actually watching the experiences like an outside observer, but my mind was replaying them to me through my own eyes and body again. It was like I was back in my body back as a teen and feeling and experiencing exactly like I felt when it happened back then. It was so strange. I felt the terror and it felt to me like my brain was overwhelmed and I was not sure what to do. I was just freezing up like my mind was watching a movie of things I had been forced to do. It wasn’t like suppressed memories because I do remember going through the stuff. I had to get up and walk around a lot. I did a lot of writing to just get my mind into another place. Is this normal or do I need to go see a doctor? I think I might be going crazy from the evil stuff I experienced.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you were sexually abused, and are still fighting the memories of the experience. When a person has been abused the brain tries to protect and understand what happened by responding in different ways, so everyone experiences and handles abuse differently. Have you discussed what happened to you with anyone before? I understand your concern regarding the out of body experience and the possibility of schizophrenia, I unfortunately am not a psychiatrist and am unaware of the signs or symptoms. However WEAVE does have trained counselors who work with victims and survivors of sexual assault! This can be a big step for someone who may not have discussed their experience before, however by just posting your question it seems like  you are ready to talk about your experience. Please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 if you need anything at all! We are here for you!

I get different answers I ask. Is it against the law in California for juveniles to take naked selfies? I trimmed and streaked parts of my head and pube hair with Kool aid. I want to keep some pictures what I did and look like now. I took pictures naked standing and on my bed and with my closet mirror. They show how I looked natural before and what my body looks now with trim, added hair colors, jewelry and makeup looking up, down, from sides, front and back. I want to compare to later when I get older and see how my body ( esp. butt, boobs, private region, face, legs ) change. Some people said I can get arrested and charged with sexual offender megan list for taking the selfies if anyone sees them.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately I am unable to answer any legal questions on our message boards. However you can look your question up through the California Penal code where you will be able to find your answer. PLEASE read through the penal codes thoroughly because it goes into detail the laws and punishments of (having the pictures on your phone/computer, if they were sent to any individual, and what happens when you turn 18) If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I have a friend she just turned 18 today Jan 25 and she wants to move out because her mom and her step dad beat and they neglect her she told a social worker but the social worker talked with her mom and the social worker doesn’t believe her anymore. She was trying to move out and live with my family but her mom threatens to call the cops on her what can I do to help her? Or what can she do ?


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry the social worker did not believe your friend when she disclosed the abuse and neglect. WEAVE unfortunately cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however your friend is over the age of eighteen which makes her an adult. I would recommend you contact your local non emergency line (can be found online) and ask them what would happen if your friend does stay with you. That way you have a clear answer!


 

I’m 16 to soon be 17. I’ve been in ballet since three. Ballet is much of my life. I also practice technique, lyrical, jazz and tap and hip hop. I want to be a professional dancer. My current GPA is 3.82. I’m enrolled this semester in two honors and two AP classes. I have secrets. I was four. We lived in another state. My parents put me in military base day care. A man came in sometimes. We would be sleeping. He would touch me and have sex with me. I never told anyone. Telling my parents or sister or friends would only make them sad. I want them to be happy for me. I have other secrets. I’m 5′9″. I weigh 113 pounds. Sometimes I starve myself or eat little. I try not to get too thin. I have also plucked every hair I have on my body except my head and eyebrows. I hate body hair except those two places on me. I read I do it because it makes me feel in control. I sometimes borrow my sisters car license. She doesn’t know. I used her ID to get tattoos. I have three tattoos so far. One is a small tree on the back of my neck. It represents life and nature. I have a body message to me on my torso. ‘Never Surrender your Dreams.’ The third is a big dancing dragon that wraps up and across my right breast. I love them all especially my big dragon. I got my navel, nipples, hood, and one inner labia pierced. Getting inked and pierced makes me feel I am someone special. It makes me feel no one can stop me. I do it for me. Sometimes when I am alone or lonely I watch and read XXX. Seeing and reading XXX makes me know I am a sexual, sensuous person. I am not alone and shouldn’t feel ashamed. What age do you think I should ever tell my parents or someone my secrets?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry you were sexually assaulted as a child and feel like you can’t tell anyone about it! Sometimes holding in your secrets can be hard, by posting your question it seems like you are ready to talk about what happened to you. It can be scary to open up to loved ones about something like this for fear they will judge or blame you. However there is no “right” time to tell your story, but by speaking up about what happened to you there are support systems available to you! Have you considered reaching out to a counselor either with us at WEAVE or at your school? This may be helpful because counseling is a safe place where you can disclose your feeling and emotions, not only about the assault but also about your fears with telling your family members about what happened to you.  WEAVE has counseling services, and a support line that you can call (916) 920-2952. We are here to help, and you are not alone!

January 15 me and my girlfriend live with her mom tell she finishes high school we live in merced.so my girlfriends mom came into our room and asked what I was doing and I said packing to go to Fresno and her mom’s so is this going to be a every weekend this and I said idk and then she asked my girlfriend if she’s going to and she said yes then her mom said see you guys when you come back and she left a few seconds later she comes in and ask why I keep minexpensive and my girlfriends baby in the room like it’s a dungeon and I said I don’t I just don’t want the baby to be out of the room because the house is dirty no one really cleans up but me they let a dog in the house with the baby the floors are dirty and gross the livingstone are dirty the dogs goes on the couch pees on the carpet and the mom doesn’t do anything p.s her mom lets her sisters dog in the house and go everywhere and anyway in the house.then she says that it and I said yes and she said she talk to her kids bUT she always says that and she never does. After her family leaves someone and she calls my phone and says why I don’t do chores and I said I do I’m the only one that does and she said Adrianna said you don’t do any dishes and that you don’t clean your dishes and I said I do I keep my dishes in the room and then I go wash my dishes after I’m done. Then she says I need to start doing stuff around the house since I’m a grown assume adult but I’m taking care of my baby while my girlfriend finishes school. She is 16 turning 17 soon and I barely turned 18 and her mom is fine with us. But I tell my girlfriend about what her mom said and she said let me see the phone and my girlfriend messages her mom this message”The reason why we don’t go out there is cause Adrianna always had to say something or blame something on else ,that’s why we stay in the room.And we’ve been doing our dishes so tell Adrianna to stop that’s why we’re always going to Fresno.” And i told my girlfriend to also add this message “Also it’s Chris baby too and that’s why we go see his family.”my girlfriends mom calls and says to my girlfriend “did you just threaten me” my girlfriend says no and her mom said “it sound like you just threaten me” and my girlfriend said no I was telling you why we don’t take the baby out of the room and that why we go to Fresno too. And her mom say this” don’t make me call the police everything you go to Fresno because you know I can do that to you since you’re underage” and this isn’t the first time she threaten her she threaten me also because I didn’t let her see the baby her mom said” let me see the baby” and I said no and her mom said “let me see the baby” and I said no and the her mom says “let me see the baby chris” and ” don’t make me get the cops involve” her mom also threaten us too about baptizing our baby because we said we wanted to wait and her mom said” you better call or I’m going to say I’m you” and this is where I need help her mom is a racist too so I don’t know if it a factor in his but I need help she trys to control me and my girlfriends baby saying we can’t take her outside cause it cold even though we put warm clothes and plenty of blankets with our baby.  I can’t say anything because she can kick me out. And my girlfriend is afraid to say anything because her mom threatens her that she’ll beat her ass because my girlfriend miss school because we were running low on breast milk and her mom comes in the room and yells at her saying you miss school and my girlfriend was like year because the baby didn’t have a lot of milk and her mom says ” if you miss school again ima beat you ass” I need help I don’t know what to do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It must be challenging being considered an adult because of your age and the fact that you have a child, but you are treated like a child since you’re living in your girlfriends mothers home. Unfortunately I cannot answer your question fully since there is a lot of factors in your life ( your 18, girlfriend is 16, have a child, not your home) I would love for you to contact our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. Our legal department will be able to give you accurate information regarding your rights and other options to help your situation. Thank you again for your question and I am sorry I was unable to answer your question fully!



 
I’ve been great friends with someone since 5th grade. She is really nice, polite, very talented, extremely beautiful, a top student at our high school, and a wonderful friend! Her parents are teachers. Every summer her family goes to Florida all summer at their condo. About a week ago I told my friend I was going to be in Florida this summer at Disneyworld with my mom. I told my friend we could meet a Disneyworld and maybe I could stay with her in Florida too? My friend was like Why do you want to be in Florida? Then she got all shocked I was going to be in Florida. She said she didn’t know how to tell me but her family are nudists. I was like ‘WHAT THE BLEEP!!!!!?’ She told me how her family’s condo is next to a nudist resort, and sometimes she goes to other nudist places too. I didn’t know this at all about my friend and her family. She asked me to keep it private because her parents don’t want problems. I think from what she told me about nudism and from what I know I am very ok with her nudism and her family’s. I want to try nudism with my friend this summer or even earlier but I’m only 16. I talked with my mom about my friend’s nudism and situation but my mom is unsure about my safety in a nudist resort. My friend says they have special activities just for children and teen groups so it’s not like I’d always be around adults but my mom is still unsure about my safety. Does weave ever hear from children who get raped or molested at nudist resorts? Who else could I ask? My friend says nothing like that has ever happened to her or the children she knows about. She says she thinks nudists are actually more protective of creepy people than non-nudists. If anyone is caught masturbating, having sex, or doing something else bad they are immediately kicked out and tell the police. My mom says she needs to think this nudism thing over. I can’t go nudist until she says she has more evidence I will be safe. Do you think nudist resorts are more dangerous for children than other places? Now I’m trying to convince my mom to try nudism with me. She is a Obgyn doctor so she shouldn’t be afraid of naked bodies! Thank you for helping me with my questions

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. To be completely honest I have no background knowledge on the nudist community. I did a quick google search and found the same information you disclosed during your question. I would recommend you call the law enforcement non emergency line in florida and ask them this question. I believe they will be able to give your mom clear information on statistics and safety. You can also call the resort itself to get information regarding safety procedures and protocols. I am sorry I couldn’t be more help! Please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line if you have more questions or concerns !   

Back in 2012, My Dad, Mom, and one of my close friends went to palm springs and stayed at a hotel. I remember i was asking them because we bought an Xbox and one of the days me and my friend wanted to stay inside the hotel and play on the X box and apparently that made my dad mad and he picked me up and dropped me on the floor my foot hit the door stop and started to bleed, now again in 2017 my parents limit me on my computer (As to i can’t use it unless for school). I paid for the PC im 14 now so i stayed up till they were asleep and got on my PC they found out and took my PC away, Then the next morning i woke up to my dad pouring water on my face i got up and tried to change out of the wet shirt when i started to close the door my dad rushed back in and picked me up and threw me on my bed saying that i was “Trying to slam the door on him” but i was not i was angry but not angry enough to try slamming the door shut so i closed it without slamming it. All i am wondering is if it is normal because i have had thoughts of running away on several accessions i’m home schooled online i haven’t done anything like call the cops because i think that would be a bit overboard but i don’t know anymore, please help.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were dropped on the floor, yelled at, and had water thrown on you! I understand that you have had thoughts of running away and my main concern is your safety (whether you stay or leave). Have you told anyone about this before, Like a teacher, friend, or even another relative? If things escalate again or if you feel like your life is in danger at any time please contact law enforcement. There is a national hotline called teen line, this number you can call or txt to get support and information from other teens!  You can call 310-855-4673 or text TEEN to 839863. You can also call WEAVE’s support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for 24 support! I am sorry without more information I cannot be more of help. ! Just remember you are not alone, and we are here to help!!


 

I was at friends house two nights ago. We were in her bedroom. She asked if I wanted to watch movies. I thought she meant something like Netflix. She opened up her laptop and went to a porn site. I’m 15. I never seen porn movies before. She is16. She asked me what movies I wanted to watch. I told her I didn’t know for her to pick. We were watching. She asked me if I was horny. I was but didn’t tell her exactly yes. She put her hand in her pajama. She said I must be excited too because she could tell my nipples were hard. Said I must be horny because I told her I was feeling really wet and sexual. She pulled off her pajama. I told her maybe we should go to sleep. She said in just a minute. She sat on her bed naked beside me and fingered to orgasm some times. It was interesting in a way but I was too afraid to masturbate with her. She asked if I wanted to come. I said I was ok. Is this considered a sexual assault or consensual?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am going to answer your question based on  if it was consensual or sexual assault. Sexual assault  is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient and Consensual means a joint agreement. At any time did she touch you in any way that made you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, or did you feel like you were forced to watch the porn, or forced to watch her please herself ? What happened was not your fault, and I am sorry that my response is vague, just without more detail or knowing your feelings about what happened, its hard to answer your question. Do you have any one you can talk to about what happened? a friend, a counselor, or a coach. If you did feel uneasy or wanted to talk about what happened please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. 

A guy recently told me he likes me, but i dont like him because im not a replacement for his girlfriend that he broke up with and not even a week passed? he’s also being very strict, telling me to wake up, do this , do that, eat lunch , dont stay up late, go to bed, etc. It’s getting annoying i saw him as a friend but now he’s ordering me around and i dont even like him. i even told him “I don’t like you” as plain as that, all he replied was “i know”. what do i do to make him stop?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel like this guy is trying to control you. Do you go to the same school together? Have you tried blocking his number on your phone? Or tell someone that you trust about what is going on (teacher, counselor, or a coach). If you feel comfortable telling someone they may have some advice on how to make him stop bothering you. If you need any additional support or advice please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support  and information line at (916) 920-2952.

when i was 16 one of my older sisters had her csus dorm roommate live at our home for the summer. my sister was away working at a camp that summer so i was left alone with this roommate a lot. sometimes this roommate of my sister would braid my hair or paint my nails. one day she asked me if i wanted a massage. she helped me take off my clothes, she braided my hair, and she applied massage oil on me. she had me rub oil on her. we had sex on a blanket on the carpet in my bedroom. i had never been in a lesbian situation but she hummed and sucked when she did oral sex on me, things i couldn’t do on myself. i can only describe it as something i never expected. i can only call it as exploding when i had orgasms with her. after she molested me i stayed in my bedroom and i masturbated alone for a couple of days trying to get the same feelings of sexual joy. i finally went to my sister’s roommate and told her i wanted her to eat me again. she said no. i said if she didn’t have sex with me i was going to tell my sister what we did already. we had sex and she ate me out and i had some more of the most intense orgasms i ever had in my life. it was something about her beauty and how her mouth, lips, and tongue sucked and vibrated as she touched me. for the rest of the summer i kept going to her and telling her she was going to have sex with me. it really was i was the one hurting her back. she cried, said she was sorry, and told me to stop being mean. i think i was paying her back for what she did to me. i really was mean to her because i was angry how she made me feel so sexually pumped. i am 18 1/2 now in college and while i prefer guys i find i am always fantasizing about using females for just sex and the summer when i molested my sister’s roommate. i still find myself going over in my head the things we did together. because i was a perpetrator as well as a victim, how do you recommend i forget the memories? it bothers me how the best sex in my life was with a female who started out to hurt me and then i did it back to her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be very hard trying to “forget memories”, and confusing when it involves individuals of the same gender. Have you tried talking about these memories with anyone? Such as a national talk line, lgbtq line, a counselor, a friend, etc?. You mentioned how you are now in college, at most universities there are counseling centers as well as LGBTQ centers, even though you may not identify as a LGBTQ individual it may benefit to talk to someone who’s had similar experiences or can empathize with your situation. Our 24 hour support and information line is here to talk as well!! (916) 920-2952.

My father physically and sexually abused me for ten years. My parents are now divorced and I have to see him on Sunday, he threatened to kill me if i ever told anyone and I am now seeing a counselor to deal with some of the issues arising from the abuse which my mum had alerted my father to. I’m concerned he is going to kill me but in the eyes of everyone else don’t have a reason not to see him What should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am genuinely sorry you had to deal with this abuse for so long. If you feel like you are in danger please reach out to your mom, a person you trust, law enforcement, or your counselor. I understand that you are scared and may not want to talk about what happened to you, but if you need to talk please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or the National talk line at 310-855-4673. You are not alone and we are here to help if you need anything.

 

I am 17 years old (18 in 3 months), my brother is 16 (17 in 3 months.) He is a bully, he bullies our two little step-brothers- calling them fat and stupid. This isn’t normal teasing, it is bullying. He is demeaning and he tries to bully anyone and everyone into submission, whenever he feels like it. This evening I was trying to ask my mom about something for dinner and my brother comes into the room yelling at my mom and getting into her face because she brought the wrong scent of deodorant. I stopped talking because I wanted my mom to handle the situation with her son, but it soon escalated. I told my brother to stop yelling in our mom’s face, he turned around and bent over into my face, he started telling me to shut up over and over again, getting louder and louder, closer and closer into my face. At this point I was pissed- I have a thing about how people treat other people- so I told him to step back, get out of my face. This proceeded for about 15-30 more seconds. I then pushed him out of my face -it made him step probably one step back. By then my mom tried to get in the way and my brother swung on me (for pushing him out of my face) and his hit landed on my eye (our mom was in the middle of us at the time)… the rest of it got seperated by my older brother and step dad. Everyone in my family is saying that I could get taken to jail for this, I need to know if this is true.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you were put in that position (standing up for you mom and getting hit by your brother). I understand your question and concern since you are close to being 18 however I do not believe you will be taken to jail for getting into an altercation with your brother even though you pushed him first. This can be very upsetting and hard to deal with on your own, please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or the National talk line at 310-855-4673. You can also reach out to someone you trust at school such as a counselor or a teacher. We are here to listen!

One of my (at the time) friends kept poking me in the neck and I would flinch. He put his face really close to me at one point and poked me again and when I flinched I accidentally hit his face but I didn’t realize I had at the time. He decided that instead of talking and saying anything that he would punch me in the arm hard enough that I cried and it left a bruise. Is it abuse though? I haven’t been able to look a majority of guys I know in the eyes since this has happened but I don’t know what to call it and what to do

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you were poked and punched by your at the time friend. No one deserves to be abused or harmed especially by someone they know. Is there any one you can trust to talk to about what happened? like a friend, teacher, counselor, or a family member?If you are having trouble and/or not ready to talk to someone you know about what happened please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or the National talk line at 310-855-4673.

I wrote weave earlier asking how to get hugs. I’m too afraid to call or talk to anyone. I hope you can help me if I write. I want to know how you can know if someone really loves someone if they don’t say it. Like how do you tell them you love them without saying? My parents have never said I love you to me. I already mentioned we never touch or hug in my family. There is no affection in my family. My parents are alcoholics so they don’t know how to listen or understand me as it is. Is there someplace on the internet that teaches people who have never had any love to understand what to do? I just feel unloved and I really am unloved.

Thank you for reaching out again! I did not know that your parents were alcoholics in my previous response to you. I am sorry you are living in an environment where you feel there is no love. Love looks and feels different for everyone that is what makes it so magical. Do you have any connections outside of the family, such as an animal’s, friends, or even extended family whom you are close with? Love comes in many forms, and can be found thru nice acts such as volunteering, mentoring, and helping others. I know you are not ready to reach out for help with the numbers provided during your last question, but I am glad you are reaching out thru this message board. Have you considered joining any clubs or activities within your school or community to give you a connection? We are here when you are ready to talk (916) 920-2952.   

I do OA work (copy papers, errands,) for a firm my mom once worked at. (I’m 18 first job.) Last week I went to L.A. to help at a conference. At the hotel I set my suitcase by some shuttle vans. When I came back my suitcase was gone. A 23 yo paralegal who I work with loaned me some clothes and shoes. The second night she invited me to see L.A. This L.A. lawyer she knew had a new Mercedes. He took us to Beverly Hills and Santa Monica. We walked a pier and ate at a restaurant in Santa Monica. Her lawyer friend paid for dinner. I thought something was not good because after we left the restaurant and were walking back to his car he put his arms around me and my coworker but my coworker wasn’t pushing him away? We rode in his car to his house close to the ocean. He asked if we wanted something to drink. My coworker reminded him I was 18. He said I could get some soda from his refrigerator. He left to let his dog outside. I poured some pepsi but my coworker said to add rum. I shouldn’t have but I did. When he came back in he asked if we wanted to go in his Jacuzzi. My coworker said we would. I never Jacuzzi naked. We were talking and my coworker kept swimming in circles in front of us. When she swam she touched his and my arms and legs and things. She kept jumping out of the Jacuzzi to get us more drinks. I could feel the alcohol. I went into the house to use the bathroom. When I came back my coworker and him were kissing. I keep wondering why I was stupid and didn’t just stay inside his place or just put my clothes back on. I went and jumped into the Jacuzzi again. When they swam over to me I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I should have jumped out but I was too afraid? My coworker was doing everything. He just watched. I kept thinking this is not good. She had me up on the side of his Jacuzzi. I kept thinking at the time he was going to rape me but he just watched. That is what I don’t understand. He didn’t do anything but watch. It wasn’t like rape too in some ways because I had undressed myself?She never put her fingers or tongue inside but only outside my vagina. I never said to her no stop that’s enough or don’t do that? She never had me do anything to her besides kiss and tongue her mouth. When she went down my body and later went down on me I never resisted which I guess on my part would have been ok had I been a better communicator? I didn’t jump up or say I didn’t want it or why was I even letting her do this? After I finished she swam over to him and gave him a blowjob and some sex while I waited and rested. After he took us back to the hotel. It was over. I have to see my coworker tomorrow. I don’t know what to say to her. On the plane ride back to Sac she didn’t even talk about it. Now I’m feeling feelings like maybe it’s ok but shouldn’t I say to her it was wrong how she used alcohol to get to me and kind of forced me to Jacuzzi naked?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. These situations can be very confusing especially when they involve people you know. None of this is your fault, and you are not alone. Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind that made you feel uncomfortable. Any time there is alcohol involved no one is truly able to give consent as well. I cannot tell you if you should confront your co worker or not, however seeing her can be very confusing for you. WEAVE does offer counseling services as well as a 24 hour support and information line that are here to talk! (916) 920-2952. Please reach out if you need anything.

When I was 17 I work as a security guard in the guard shack at a warehouse complex. An old cop was the sergeant at the guard house and there was a little bathroom there a guy who had a roach coach who came by and threw firecracker in the bathroom under the door while I was in there. it startled me and I was angry I thought it was the old man so I grabbed him by the shirt and yelled at him. He freaked out and got pissed off at me. and he pulled a gun out of his desk he pointed at my head and start screaming at me I can’t remember what he said but he did push me down to my knees and told me to suck him. He said something like that wasn’t working and he’s pushed me onto the desk and pull down my pants and raped me the other guy just stood there and watched when he was finished he asked other guy if he wanted to climb on and he just shook his head no. That day I drove into an intersection as a truck was coming it T-boned me but I didn’t get hurt I wanted to die. It is so confusing I had been A sex toy for a scout leader for years. And it was kind of consensual. (Cut graphic content)

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you had to experience being raped, no one deserves to go thru that pain. Do you have any support system that can help with the emotions you are going thru? If you do not WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952 that you can call. There is also the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-4673. Suicide Ideation can be hard to deal with alone, we are here for you! Please reach out if you need support or you can contact the national suicide prevention lifeline at (800) 273-8255. It can be very confusing trying to deal with all of the emotions that come with being raped, WEAVE has counselors that are here to help as well. Remember you are not alone!  

I was with a friend and she invited 2 boys over. i was laying in bed and one joined me. i didn’t think anything of it until he started touching my breast then soon stuck his hand down my pants. i don’t know what to consider this. i think it’s molesting because he only touched me. he did not put his penis in me at all. please, can you inform me on what this would be considered. it was not consensual but i didn’t say stop. my best friend was right next to me , that would’ve been super embarrassing

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I know that it must be confusing not knowing how to label what happened to you. Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind, that made you feel uncomfortable.  I am sorry you were put in that situation. If you ever need to talk please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or you can reach out to the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-4673.  

My family and my relatives know I was raped by a grownup. Its our big family secret no one talks about. I notice no one wants to touch me anymore. It’s like I’m dirty or contaminated. How do I get hugs when I am too afraid to ask? I haven’t been hugged by a family member in years.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry that happened to you and you feel like you’re not getting the love you need from your family. Sometimes when people do not know how to cope with a situation they try and pretend it never happened, which can result in a “family secret” that is never talked about. It is also common for family members to not show any affection such as hugging or touching. This can be because they do not know if you want that affection or if it will make you feel uncomfortable. It is possible that your family may not even realize that they are not showing you any affection anymore. Have you discussed your feelings with your family, or tried hugging them first? It is never a good feeling to feel like your family sees you as “dirty or contaminated”. YOU ARE NOT any of those things. WEAVE does offer counseling services that may help you and your family. If you are not ready for that, you may also reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here for you.

My uncle assaulted me 3 years ago and I forgave him the morning after when he said he was sorry the day after but occasionally I have moments when I think back on it and I start crying it’s happened randomly at school and at night and it ruins my day. I look up articles about assault and it doesn’t make me feel any better. I wanna tell someone but I feel as if I’ll be re-opening something that is better left alone and then I’ll be ruining his life and no one will believe me. Why do I felt this way and how can I tell someone

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you had to go thru that situation three years ago, and are still going thru it.! No one deserves to be hurt, especially by a family member. When someone has been sexually assaulted sometimes it “haunts” an individual physically and mentally for years. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this situation, but there are tools and options that can help you. WEAVE offers counseling services for victims and survivors of sexual assault, we also have a 24 hour support and information line that will be able to talk and answer any questions you may have, the number is (916) 920-2952. I believe you! Please reach out if you ever need to talk!

 I’m a 12 year old 7th grader and I live with my baby sister, mother and step dad. For the past few months, they’ve been fighting alot and in the fights my step dad (Joe) would mention how he “never gets laid”. Since this started, he’s been starting to make suspicious comments about my body that make me very uncomfortable. I told my mom but she said not to worry about it. Then he started touching me inappropriately in my sleep , grabbing my butt and boobs and sometimes lightly touching my crotch. My mom doesn’t believe me when I tell her. At this point, I have no idea what to do. Help please.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry your going thru this experience with your stepfather. No one deserves to be treated this way, I am sorry you have tried to reach out to your mother and she doesn’t believe you. I believe you!! Is there anyone in your life that you trust, such as a teacher, counselor, or a friend? If you feel comfortable, I would encourage you to reach out and talk to someone about your situation. We are always here to talk! The 24 hour support line is (916) 920-2952 and the national support line is (800) 656-4673. You are not alone and we are here to help! Please contact us if you ever need anything.

 

hi,my mom wont let me go to a therapist and I need to what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. This question is tricky since you need parental consent to see a counselor if you are under 18 in most states. I would begin by asking your school if they have counselors available to talk to, depending on the schools guidelines or laws they may be able to speak to you without a parental consent. However you can always call national hotlines to talk! There are 24 hour hotlines for anything you may be experiencing, such as stress, eating disorders, bullying, grief, sexual assault, etc. If you need help finding these numbers or would like to talk please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I need serious advice. I really liked someone but now I don’t know what to do. She told me she was raped by her sisters friend. Says another guy took advantage of her parked behind a store. Another guy stuck his hand down her pants. She says she woke up another time with a naked man in her bed. Another guy gave her weed and touched her breasts. What should I have said? I think she must have done something to keep getting abused. Am I right?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Anyone put in your situation can feel “a loss of words”, these situations are never easy for the person who experienced the abuse or the individual’s hearing about it. It is important to know that no one wants or goes looking to be abused. She must trust you, to be able to disclose what happened to her, and she’s lucky to have someone who cares enough to ask what is the appropriate thing to say in this situation. I would offer her resources to get some help, or just resources for her to talk to someone. WEAVE does offer a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and a counseling center. There is also the National Sexual Assault hotline at (800) 656-4673. Thank you so much for caring about her enough to ask what to do, not many people would take the time or effort to find information.

is it rape if he just touched me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I understand it can be very confusing to try and figure out what happened, when a person feels violated and confused. The legal definition of rape is “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” however sexual assault is any sexual act that makes a person feel uncomfortable in any way. I know this isn’t much help however without the full story I cant really give you more information. However if you need any help at all, please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952, you are not alone and we are here to listen. You can also call the National Sexual Assault hotline, (800) 252-8966.   

I read in your stalking article that stalking can be contacting their family members or friends? When me and my ex boyfriend dated we were happy and his Mum was like a second mother to me. She got me birthday presents, albums, and I bought her stuff for her birthday. But, now we broke up and she knows about the problems I’ve had in my life and says she will always support me. Is it stalking my ex boyfriend if I’m friends with his Mum?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. When you are in a relationship with someone it is normal to get close to that person’s family and friends, when the relationship ends it’s sometimes just as hard to let their friends and family go as well. Stalking is when an individual is harassing someone, that causes discomfort or fear to another individual. Has either your ex boyfriend or his mother asked you to not come around? Have you discussed this with them directly?  Without more information my answer unfortunately is limited. If you have more questions regarding this please contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

My dad used to abuse me as a child. I once had a asthma attack because of it and my parents didn’t take me to hospital. My Mum recently got out of hospital after 2 months and my Dad hasn’t abused me since. Is his mood changing because he missed my Mum, and is happy she’s back?


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am truly sorry they did not take you to the hospital when you had an asthma attack as a child, and that your father abuses you. No one deserves to be abused and I hope you know that none of this is your fault. I hope you mom is doing better now that she is out of the hospital, sadly I dont have the answer as to why he hasn’t hurt you since your mom was discharged from the hospital. I am including a link to a website that explains the cycle of violence http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/  This could explain the “cooling off period”. If you feel you are in danger please call the authorities or reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here to help!

Can a teen be a sexual addict? When I was 4 (pre-K) I played hide and seek with other children. I tried to hide under my bed and for some reason the pressure of me squeezing under the bed and my legs tightening I had my first orgasm. I didn’t know what it was called but I immediately felt a feeling of incredible warmth, goodness and pleasure. I tried later to get the same feeling again under my bed but it never worked. I knew the feelings were somewhere in my body so I started experimenting and touching my self. I quickly figured it out. I called orgasm my ‘magic powers’. I thought I was the only one in the world who had this magical power. I never told anyone what I was doing. I think I became a sexual deviant. I put myself under the faucets in bathtubs and showers and orgasm super strong. I even put myself naked under sinks to feel good. My mother caught me pushing myself against the washing machine to feel good. I just cannot get enough masturbation but I didn’t know what sex was yet. This may sound perverted but nearly every morning in my life since 4 I go 1-2-3 or 4 orgasms before I start the day. Its like my morning wakeup ritual. I pee, undress, lay on my bed, make up a fantasy, and pleasure myself to orgasm. I work my schedule around my times to masturbate. I can also masturbate to orgasm standing up and sitting in chairs. I have orgasmed in sometimes just two minutes. I think my body is just sexually sensitive. but I think I am obsessed on sex. I used to masturbate everywhere when I was younger. I had my parents get me pants with pockets so at school I could touch myself. I still laugh how in 5th grade a girl sitting next to me looked over when I was climaxing. She could see me coming and had this puzzled look on her face. I didn’t know it was wrong but I’d use to put a sweater in my lap and cover myself at church and orgasm there too. At home all the time I’d sit on the couch and put a blanket over my lap and finger myself while watching television with my family and others. No one ever caught me masturbating and orgasming or said they knew what I was doing. It’s like I couldn’t get enough. Even now when I am home alone. I take off my clothes, open the curtains to my bedroom, let the sun shine on me, I fantasize, touch my body, and pleasure myself to orgasm for hours. I can go like all day enjoying myself sometimes. I was heartbroken and depressed in 7th grade when I learned what masturbation was. I actually got depressed. I think that is when orgasms started changing for me. I know this is going to sound stupid and pervie but I really get off seeing naked women in magazines like playboy and hustler. I once had my own secret collection. As I get older my sex obsession is changing. I have people my family knows who live in the mountains. When I’m there and alone I go to certain private places. I skinnydip. I lay on a blanket and sit in the sun and masturbate for sometimes an hour or two. I’m starting to worry because some of my friends realize I don’t really date. I’m even a cheerleader and I don’t really want to be with others? I think I’m obsessed with my own sex pleasure and fantasies. Am I normal or do you think I have a sex problem?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, sadly my knowledge regarding this subject is very limited. It is natural and normal to explore your own body, and be curious during your teen years, however I do not have the education regarding sex obsessions and preferences. I have done some research regarding your question (why it took so long to post a response) and you are not alone regarding your preferences to not wanting to be with others. There is a 24 hour hotline specialized in youth and adolescents called the California Youth Crisis Line (800)-843-5200, I called them myself and they are very knowledgeable and can give you more information and resources. Without talking to you directly and asking some clarifying questions I cannot give you those resources personally, however WEAVE also has a 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 that you can call at any time.

When I was either around 6 or 7 my pediatric doctor put his hand down my pants and touched my private area during a regular check up. I was very confused as to why he was doing this so I didn’t say anything. I am now 16 and have been thinking a lot about this. Would this count as sexual assault? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind. I am sorry that you experienced this, and especially at such a young age. Sometimes when the brain remembers a sexual assault the image seems to replay and take over a person’s mind. These thoughts are sometimes hard to handle on your own, if you ever need someone to talk to you can call our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE also offers counseling services for victims and survivors of sexual assault, if you wanted to seek those services.
For the teen who sent message at 6:43 am on 10/4/16.

People care and there is help available. If you are in Sacramento please call (916)368-3111 or 1-800-273-8255. If you live outside of the Sacramento area please call 1-800-273-8255.

about 2010/2011 i met people that i still consider to be my best friends. there are 6 of us and only one of them is my age. about two three years back our relationship became somewhat flirty…my friend has always been flirtatious to everyone just not to me until that time. he has practically lead me on for the whole time and then recently about a month back we went to a families cabin with some friends and our parents, ect and he was his normal self until about Sunday night when he started touching my leg under tables or when i layed down and i didn’t think anything of it. i assumed he was just kidding around and at night i fell asleep next to him. usually i’m an extremely heavy sleeper but i woke up in the middle of the night to find that we were cuddling which was kind of normal..until he felt me up..again i thought nothing of it because i assumed he was asleep..until he did it again and again. at this point i was petrified. i tried to pretend to still be asleep to see if he would stop and i was shaking and my heart was beating so fast and not in a good way. he then continued to try to kiss 4 times but i moved a little/covered my face each time so he couldn’t. i did not want this at all. i was too scared to say anything AND then he proceeded to literally get into my pants but i tied them too tight and he eventually gave up and went back to sleep…i couldn’t go back to sleep after this and my nerves never calmed down..again i dismissed it until a couple of days ago when i told my friend what had happened and she said it was assault… i don’t know where to go from here..i feel sick all of the time like nauseous and weak.. i feel disgusted and i’m baffled that even happened. i don’t know what to do. im 15.


 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry that you have these feeling of uneasiness and weak. No one deserves to feel this way and it is not your fault. Your friend is correct, Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact in any nature. These feelings can be confusing and troubling and im glad you were able to talk to your friend about what happened. if you need to talk to someone else you can call our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 to talk.

My mother hits me with all kinds of items and Calls it “discipline” this time she yelled at me and threw her phone at my head and now I have a lump on my head i don’t know if I should call the police and report it or not

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, no one deserves to be hit or have things thrown at them even if it’s for disciplinary reasons. I am sorry you are going thru this, and feel confused about what you should do next. Unfortunately I cannot tell you to report or not to report however no one deserves to be harmed by anyone especially someone whom they love. we are here if you need to talk at (916) 920-2952.

I hv a friend.. I guess we like each other. We had few good moments together. it was all good until den he was asking for more.. which I felt was too much n to fast to go for it. I wanted to know him more. Den aftr few days he used to get close but I always made him understand that this was way to fast and I was not ready for it. I always kept telling to take things slow ..He understood. Dese instinct made me feel not right about him.. . but after some days he would repeat again. I hated the fact that I have to keep on telling him that I wasn’t ready were on the other side I was losing trust n doubting my instincts.. he also once told me that I was overthinking n also use to say dt these things weren’t new for us..

I started to avoid him by giving him some excuses. later he convinced to meet him.. trust me we seriously had a good time.. he really asked me what bothered me..I told him Frankly what bothered me the most..which I apparently think I hv told him many times. I told him dt he would leave me. we did tok alot in detail. I said I want to know you more. wen we wer about to leave.. he gave me a hug n got his face closer.. I knew he ws trying to kiss me but I said no. he pulled me again. he dint leave me at all.. I kept on telng him to leave… Den I had to push him hard. I walked off. guys I jus want to know .. m I wrng. Should I give him a chance or tok to him… we did hv few moments.. but wen he started to force things up.. my instincts says dt dis ws wrng.. I feel lyk crying wen I think about this… please help me

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. I am sorry that you’re having such confusion regarding this friendship. Unfortunately I cannot tell you what to do, however I can say that any relationship should not make you feel uncomfortable or wrong. If your gut and instincts are telling you that something is wrong, you should listen very carefully to them. These situations can be very tough to figure out by yourself, if you need to talk to someone please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support line number at (916) 920-2952.
I have a college classmate who works at a R.C. strip club. . .  It is understandable that you are still impacted by the trauma  you experienced as child and young adult. When you need support, you can call WEAVE’s 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. They can provide you with more information about free sexual assault counseling and other supportive resources.
Please help. Me and my girlfriend have been together for half a year. As of last month her parents took her phone and read her text messages between us that were sexual and they totally flipped out about it not letting me have contact with her for the entire month. Now they are forcing us to spilt up and are taking her to a new school all because we were having a sexual relationship! Can you tell me what to do they won’t seem to listen to me and my parents can’t help me Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry that you are going through this in your relationship. It can be so hard to care about someone and not be able to talk to them or see them. I can’t tell you what to do in this situation, but you can call us on our Support Line at 916-920-2952 and talk with a peer counselor about your situation.
I’m fifteen and when my boyfriend and I were making out a few weeks ago he kept his hands on my butt and I kept moving them up and saying ‘no’ and ’stop’, but he kept making stupid excuses that didn’t even sound like excuses and trying to distract me with kisses and I was kinda in shock that he wouldn’t stop until I finally got up and went over to our friends. Less than a week later I broke up with him because he’s a lot taller and stronger than me and this was one of many red flags so I was kinda scared to be around him. This is weird to ask I keep double guessing myself but I don’t know if it would count as sexual abuse or something like that or am I just overreacting, I’ve only told my best friend and people keep saying that it’s too bad that we broke up because we were a cute couple and even my mum keeps asking me why and I don’t know what to say anymore. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Any unwanted sexual contact can be considered sexual assault. I’m glad that you have established what your boundaries and I’m sorry that he did not stop after you asked him to. You are brave to break up with him even though people are asking you why. You are not overreacting to this situation, and you are not alone. WEAVE has a 24/7 hotline (916) 920-2952 that you can call to speak with an advocate about your situation.
( edited for length) I’m not sure if I was sexual assaulted and don’t realize? My friend and I went swimming in her pool and I had never showered in her parents bathroom or with my friend alone before but said ok. While we showered my girlfriend took shampoo and said she would wash my hair. I said ok. She put shampoo on my head and started massaging my scalp. My entire body tingled. I had to sit on the seat area in the shower because I fainted. (first time) That never happened to me before. My entire body tingled and I felt bursts of light in my eyes. I read how people can get orgasms from touch but this was VERY different from anything I’d ever felt. My friend wasn’t talking or acting sexual, but the massage on my scalp and her shampooing me naked and me naked in private alone in the shower made me uncomfortable but excited? I told her I had to rest. She held me and asked if I was ok. I was embarrassed because we didn’t ever touch naked or shower together before like that. After a while I stood up. She went back to showering and she shampooed her own hair. Later she reached over and I didn’t tell her to and washed my back and shoulders for about ten? seconds. (nothing else) In the shower she asked me why I don’t tweeze my nipple hairs or shave my downstairs.She said I looked like a cavewoman. She told me to sit on the seat area in the shower and I don’t know all the reasons I let her but I let her shave my downstairs. It wasn’t like my friend was being sexual about it or saying anything sexually strange, but we were newer friends and I didn’t want to hurt our friendship so I just sat on the ledge and let her shave me in my private areas. She also shaved my legs. It was all really nice but confusing at the same time. After we showered she gave me a towel and had me lay on her parents bed. She tweezed my brows which was okay but then she told me to open up the towel and she tweezed my boob hairs. In some ways I think she was just being a friend but in other ways I kept wondering if she was not doing anything because she could tell I was maybe afraid or just not doing things like she wanted. She told her cousin she shaved me and said she thinks I had an orgasm in her parents shower (I guess I did!) so its not like she is making it a secret, but is that what someone might do in this situation? Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Any type of sexual contact that makes you uncomfortable or that you do not consent to is considered sexual assault. It sounds like you are feeling confused about your experience with your friend. Your reactions are normal for this situation, but it seems like you have questions about your and your friend’s behavior. Have you talked with anyone about this? It may be good for you to talk with someone you trust or with a counselor about what you experienced and how you are feeling about it. WEAVE has a anonymous Support Line that you can contact at 916-920-2952 and we can help you find some counseling that may be a good fit for you.

Was I wrong for putting my son’s father in jail after 6 years of mentally n physically abuse? Why did I wait so long? Could this been prevented from him not beening in jail?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. When you are experiencing domestic violence, it is normal to question your decisions especially if they affect your partner. I can’t say whether this was wrong or if this could have been prevented. It seems as though you have a lot of emotions that can be very difficult to deal with on your own. WEAVE offers counseling to survivors of domestic violence. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 for more information about this program. 

need some answers my parents have been assholes to me about dumb shit like me being late home or getting off the computer when its only 8:30 at night i cant take their shit anymore ive ran away several times from home and im 16 years old i can almost take care of my self i cant deal with their shit anymore please someone help me

Sometimes it can be difficult to live with your parents when they give you restrictions. I’m glad that you contacted us for support. There are a couple of hotlines that may be able to provide the help that you are looking for. Please try contacting California Youth Crisis Line (24 hr.) 800-843-5200 and National Runaway Safeline (800) 786-2929 

I’m scared I’m pregnant.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Getting pregnant can be scary, especially if it is unplanned. Is there anyone that you trust that you can talk to? There are resources for you. Planned Parenthood is a great place to start. Their phone number is 1-800-230-Plan.

My parents are married but I found something online. I found that my dad has several dating site accounts that he has not told any of us about butc claims to be happily married. He also does not work while !y mom works full time in the army. I feel like he is living off of her. He is also rude to us and has threatened to leave bfore but never left. Is he cheating on my mom? Should I tell her myself?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I’m sorry that you are going through this with your parents. Have you tried talking with your dad about what you found? It might be important to do this before talking with your mom. This issue should be between your parents, so maybe it would be good to encourage him to tell your mom if this is what is going on. If you want to talk more about this, you can call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

I’m 16, female. My boyfriend who is 17 does prescription pills and it really bothers me. Both of my parents were drug addicts, I grew up in foster care because of this. My boyfriend knows I hate drugs, I don’t mind him smoking weed but o don’t want the pills to escalate and lead to something worst but he doesn’t listen to me. What should I do ?

He’s also a very nice boy who comes from a good home…he loves me and treats me great. I wouldn’t want to leave him but I refuse to put up with addiction in my life ever again.

It’s great that you know what your personal boundaries are in your relationship and what you will not put up with. You seem to really care about your boyfriend and his well-being. If he is using prescription pills as a way to cope with something he is going through, maybe he can seek counseling assistance. It is also important to consider that you are unable to change him, only encourage him to get help. If you would like to talk more about what options you may be able to offer him, please contact our Support line at 916-920-2952. 

I’ve always told my boyfriend that I can’t stand the idea of anal and how painful that would be for a girl. I even once went so far to say it would be like rape for me. We were on the couch when he pulled it out and started rubbing it on my butt. I was ok with that but then he started to push it in. I’m confused he stopped half way and asked if I was ok with this which I said no. He stopped immediately and said sorry. He cuddled me and all but I feel violated. He knows how I feel on the subject. Why would he do it? He’s a good guy but I feel scared of him. I don’t want to be. Was this unintended assault and if so how do I heal these feelings so I can continue our relationship. He really is a nice guy

Please please please help I can’t sleep anymore and feel gross. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or what.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your relationship concerns. Because you have already told him that you do not consent to this, it would be considered assault. It is normal to feel gross and confused after you have been assaulted. These feelings can keep you awake at night and cause nightmares. It seems like you care about your boyfriend and your relationship, have you talked with him about how this made you feel? Counseling might be a great resource for you. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more about our counseling program. 

Me and a bunch of people were sleeping at someone’s house after a party and a boy started touching me (and yes I mean everywhere but over my clothes). I was still drunk and wasn’t completely aware and I was scared so I pretended to be asleep. I didn’t say no, he thought I was sleeping, but I also didn’t give my consent. Is this sexual assault even though I didn’t do anything to stop him?

It is not necessary to say “no” and since you were drunk and unresponsive you were not able to give your consent. It is sexual assault when someone has sexual contact with you without your consent.

I’m terrified that I might be pregnant. I switched period tracking (I’m on a 35 day cycle) and I’m so scared. He switched condoms halfway through because he was embarrassed that he had already … so he didn’t tell me during that time idk if the condom slipped or anything but he got another and again, I don’t know if it was clean. It was spermicide but still there are failure statistics. I have 8 days until my next period and my left boob just developed this pain that goes away but comes back in one pulse every once. I can’t remember ever feeling that before. I’m a college freshman and have no money, the guy is a friend who I shouldn’t have slept with but obviously that’s too late. And my parents would eternally shame me if told them about this. I don’t know what to do if I am, maybe I just need someone to tell me to calm down. But I’m freaking out.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I hear your concern and want to let you know about a couple resources. Pregnancy Hotline: 916-451-2273 and also confidential (free – low cost)Teen Services at the Birthing Project:  for appointments, call 916-558-4800. If you are interested in further support we offer community counseling at WEAVE and/or your college likely offers counseling services for free. If you’re interested in counseling at WEAVE drop-in Triage is Tuesday/Thursday 12pm-2pm and/or Wednesday 5pm-7pm at our midtown location.  It takes courage to reach out for support. I wish you all the best!

Let me start by saying that I’m not typically sexually attracted to guys. (message edited due to content). I just don’t know what to do.

Experiencing attractions and feelings towards both genders is completely normal. Your confusion is also normal. You may want to consider talking to a trusted friend or adult if the attraction is creating anxiety. You can also reach out to the national LGBT Support Line at 1-800-246-pride or LGBT Center in Sacramento at (916) 442-0185. You also indicated a desire to engage sexually with a friend who was asleep or while they were intoxicated. This is not ok. If your friend is not a consenting partner, your actions would be sexual assault. Any relationship you would choose to pursue with any gender should be consensual.

I am inquiring if there is any way to get more information about statutory rape. Is there any, groups or education to help young adults understand the statute of limitations is in place for a reason and help better inform young adults of the serious consequences?
It seems that the high school students that turn 18 while dating someone a few years younger don’t seem to be clear in understanding that this is not to be taken lightly.
Do you offer any groups or trading for this age group to better understand this law and the importance of it being followed?

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to ask such an important question. WEAVE’s counseling, outreach, information and supportline, speaker’s bureau, and education and prevention advocates all take part in educating the community including elementary to high school grade students about the importance of safe dating, the cycle of domestic violence and the sign of sexual abuse. We emphasis that statuary rape is a law during our public trainings with schools and the general public where we try to work on prevention and education in regard to these laws protecting children and teens. However, we are still seeking more public awareness in these matters and we are constantly working to build relationships with schools to help us in making this possible. If you would like more information about the services and the types of outreach and education we offer, please click on the “Learn” tab on our site and under “Prevention and Education” feel free to read some information about the topics discussed during presentations. Thank you!

I’m thinking of coming to weave but I have no phone only a phone that runs on Wi-Fi and im expecting important phone calls ( job wise ) does an safe house have Wi-Fi? Unfortunately, weave’s safehouse does not provide Wi-Fi due to safety concerns of an abuser locating a survivor.
I have lived with my mom and my step dad for about 10 years. My older sisters have moved out and ever since then things between my step dad and I have gotten worse. Apparently everything that goes wrong is my fault and he makes me admit it even when I did nothing wrong and did the things I was asked. Now days I spend most of my time in my room avoiding him. Sometimes it seems that he will walk to the back of the house to my room just to yell at me. I feel like I can never bring a friend over because I don’t know how he would act and would like to keep them. Over time I have gotten used to this but even my own mother rarely will stick up for me. Anyone I talk to say it is because he is from India but I feel like it is because he just likes the power it gives him. Is what he is doing a form of mental abuse because he installs fear in to people or is it because he is from India Hello, I’m sorry you are having these feelings about someone you believe is supposed to care for you. From the information you provided it sounds like a lot of verbal abuse is going on. I am not at liberty to say that your step dad’s attitude is due to him being from another country, but abuse does build from one person having power and control over another. You can call Weave’s 24/7 anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate who would be glad to speak with you and/or offer you additional resources and information. The number is 916-920-2952. Thank you again for reaching out.

My friend just told me that she’s having sex with this guy she’s living with in order to stay in his house. I think this is a form of rape, am I correct? I don’t know if this is important but they’re both 18.

We appreciate you connecting with WEAVE regarding this matter. For the purposes of defining rape it is described by the FBI as “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, without the consent of the victim.” Sexually assaulted individuals can either be forced through threats or physical means. If a person is being pressured, obligated or forced to have sex it is still considered sexual assault. Consent must exist for it to be mutual. The age range is also an important factor because if they were under 18 years of age it would be illegal for them to be engaging in any type of sexual intercourse. If you believe your friend is feeling threatened to have sex and is also in fear for her life you can encourage her to call law enforcement right away and report the crime. There are also other available resources she can use if she is afraid of becoming homeless and other programs like Salvation Army in her area that can provide some resources for her as well. If she is in need of talking to someone about what is going on and other resources within her area to seek help she can call our Information and Support Line to provide her with connections that may be available to her at 916-920-2952. Thank you!

When I was 7, my brother started molesting me. It started with him just wanting me to take my shirt off, and then he started wanting to touch and other things. He molested me for 2 years. I convinced myself for a while that he just didn’t know what he was doing. Now that I’m 15 and he’s an adult, I understand that he fully knew what he was doing. I’ve been dealing with depression, insomnia, anxiety, and self-esteem issues for a while because of it. I don’t want to go to therapy, and I don’t want to tell my parents or confront him. But I’m tired of feeling depressed and anxious about it. What do I do?

Hello. I am sorry to hear this happened to you and that you had to endure this for a long time. Talking about what happened with a trusted close friend, family member, or an experienced advocate on our Information and Support Line will promote the healing that is needed. The more you talk about it the more hurt is released and dealt with at a deeper level. It is okay to feel the way that you are feeling and it is a natural process that needs to occur in order to get you to that dealing process of talking about it. It is also very important to not judge yourself about how you feel or react. You can always start by calling the Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 where we can also provide you with additional resources available to you. If at some point you wish to seek counseling, WEAVE offers 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions. Just keep in mind that you are not alone through this journey of healing and that resources are available to help.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year. I know that he loves me very deeply and would do anything for me. Recently, my friends have told me that they heard about my boyfriend sending his friends naked pictures of me and receiving naked pictures of other girls from his school. I confronted my boyfriend about this and he denied it. He gets very very angry when I ask him about it and tells me that he doesn’t want to be with me if I don’t believe him. This leads me to believe that it’s true, but I don’t have proof. I’ve thought about asking his mom in confidence to check his texting history and see if he did send naked pictures of me to his friends. I am still with him, because I love him very much and don’t want to lose him. But it kills me to think that my pictures may be on other people’s phones/internet sites. I know that he loves me and he would only do that because of peer pressure and immaturity, I just need to know for sure if it happened or not. I don’t know how to do this.

Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE concerning this incident. I am sorry to hear this is going on. It is illegal for anyone to forward and disperse nude photos whether or not consent was given. The school counselor would be a beneficial source to talk to about how to process this situation. Law enforcement agencies also have teen groups where a safe space would be provided in order to talk about what’s going on and how to seek help to properly address the situation. Depending on your location a Boy’s & Girls Club should also be able to assist and talking to a trusted adult will provide you the support that you need. You can also call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 if you wish to talk about it in detail in order to provide you with resources around your area as well as help you process how you are feeling.

I go to school with a boy (14 y/o)who sexually assaulted my seven y/o brother when my brother was six. I want to hurt him so badly. I’m an upperclassman. What can I do? Charges have and will not be pressed. I honestly don’t know what to do. I am taller than him and he poses no physical threat. How can I confront him. I want to hurt him so badly but I know I can’t do that. Should I tell a close friend? I want to make sure that he will be shunned but I know I shouldn’t do that. He came up to me and tried to talk to me today! Please help. I don’t know what to do.

I’m so sorry to hear that happened to your brother. It must be really hard to see this guy on a daily basis at school. I wouldn’t do anything physically to this person because you can get in trouble at school for an assault and they could possibly charge you legally. As an upperclassman you wouldn’t want to have a violent crime on your record. I can understand your anger in wanting to protect your brother and the frustration that comes along with that. However, if you attack this guy he may retaliate against your brother possibly putting your brother in more danger. I wouldn’t want you to do anything that would get you in trouble and have real consequences. You mentioned that you want the offender to be shunned. However, confronting him on what he did may allow for this to come out to the whole school. I suggest talking to your brother about how he wants to handle the situation and if he’s ok with people knowing he was assaulted. Chances are he’s probably feeling what your feeling too and it’s important to support him. It seems that you are carrying a lot of anger and pain about this. I encourage you to contact the Support Line at 916-920-2952 and just talk with someone about your feelings and options. Talking with friends can be helpful if you trust them. I would suggest telling an adult; trusted family member, teacher, counselor, etc. Also, if you tell a school staff they can possibly keep you separated from him. Your brother can always come to counseling for free at WEAVE so he can work through his stuff too. I know you mentioned not reporting but it is really important to do so and hold the offender accountable. As a minor, the offender can get in a lot of trouble and the police would take steps to make sure justice is served. We know that sex offenders do not only assault one time. By reporting you can possibly save another victim like your brother. You can report to the police by calling 911 or CPS at 916-875-5437.

My 13 year old daughter was recording herself with her phone when she started I had distracted her asking if she had done something she was supposed to do she forgot about the phone recording and eventually got changed while recording and was exposed on the camera. Later my father in law stole the phone (he had lived with us) when we made him leave our home due to search history and other findings we found the phone and that is when I discovered my daughter’s video. It was mixed in with up to 50+ downloaded porns mostly containing incest. My question is …. is this enough to press charges on my father in law?

Thank you for contacting us for support. The best option would be to report this to Law Enforcement. Your daughter can also get a Domestic Violence Restraining Order protection against the Grandfather, but reporting it to Law Enforcement would be a great first start. The Sacramento Police Department’s non emergency phone number is 916-264-5471 if you are in Sacramento’s jurisdiction. If you are outside of their jurisdiction, then they can notify you of which law enforcement jurisdiction you are in and provide you with that number. You may also contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line if you would like additional resources. This number is 916-920-2952.

I’m 16, as is my boyfriend. We’ve been together since eighth grade, and we are juniors now. I’m not coming to you as a victim. I’m afraid that I’m not being as good of a partner to my boyfriend as I could be, and I’d like to know what I can do to look for warning signs in MYSELF. I have never hit him in anger, and I am very apologetic if I hurt him accidentally (like gesturing and accidentally hitting him, or stepping on his foot) but in health class I’ve gotten concerned because a lot of the warning signs they say to look out for or the examples of stalking and jealousy that they use, turn out to be things I’ve done or are similar to it. I love him (and since people seem to believe that 16 year olds don’t actually know what love is, I’ll just say that I’m thoroughly convinced that I love him) and I would never want to hurt him. If I see that I’m a danger to him verbally, emotionally, or physically, I’m not going to stay with him, although I’m praying that I’ll never have to make that decision.

Hitting is only one type of abuse people use in domestic violence relationships. It sounds like emotional abuse such as; extreme jealousy, put downs and insults are happening in your relationship. Some people when they feel themselves getting upset will leave the situation. Whether that be hanging up when talking on the phone, leaving your phone in another room when texting or walking away if you are in person. This gives you space to think clearly about how you want to handle the situation. Just remember that any type of abuse can have serious consequences and no type of abuse is more hurtful than the other. Jealously is a human emotion and it’s normal to feel it. However, when you start calling, texting, threatening or manipulating that person to make you feel less jealous, what you are actually feeling is more control. It isn’t healthy to control your partner. He has been with you for a long time, probably for a lot of reasons. The more you trust him, the less stressful and healthier your relationship will become. I’m glad that you are reaching out and talking about this. You are very brave to admit your wrongs and seek help. If you ever want to talk more about this stuff call our Support Line at 916 920- 2952.

When I was young, my father played the role of “the boogieman” the one who held the leather belt and took me into a dark room whenever I did something he doesn’t agree with. other than that he was never actually “present” through my life and he never played his role as a father… he never taught me anything or showed me anything about dealing with anything or how to be anything. he is probably the cause of 90 % of my problems.. i always had to face every situation alone.. whether its bullying, getting beat up, injustice, or even understand and deal with anything life related. he also never accepts discussing anything with me, believes I’m his property and my possessions and room included. and seems to like to remind me that he “pays for everything and I’m living in his house with his rules”. never really accepts who i am always just assume what i think and insist he is right.he also believes parents have the right to shout and hit their children with a shoe on the head and children don’t get to complain or talk back even if its for no reason.. the funny thing is people consider him a kind man ( he is as long as i don’t agree with him) he did actually beat me a few times till now (not a lot. but he did) . I can’t deal with him anymore… he is such a burden… and naturally I have started for 3 years now to fight and shout back. i reached mine a long time ago.. i always said he is still my father but thats too much. I’m 20 but i can’t move out… in my country, its not an option

Hello and thank you for contacting us. I’m sorry this is happening and want to validate your frustration with dealing with this. Physical and emotional abuse can be reported. It may be helpful to seek emotional support, safety planing, and obtain resources in your area. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 or the National youth hotline at 800-USA-KIDS (800-872-5437).

I have a diIema. .. I really like my housemate. She is beautiful and overall just great to spend time with. The problem is I don’t want to ruin anything in the house. We share with 2 other guys. One is my good friend the other is his. I have spoken with my friend about this but I think he doesn’t want us to go out. This is purely based on a comment from both of them. Me and her have been living together for over a year now but I have never made a move just because we live together and obviously the classical fear of rejection… Should I just ask her? Should I be tactful about it?
So far all I’ve done is just care for her and be there if she needs me but I feel like I’m mugging myself off now.. what should I do??
Hi there. Thanks for your questions. It is normal to have some fear of rejection and be confused in situations such as this. You know the situation best and whether open communication would be most appropriate. Or whether there are other circumstances that are present where a different approach may be needed. It may be helpful to talk with someone on our 24 hour support and information line about this so that you can give details and the proper resources can be provided for your specific situation. The number is 916-920-2952.

I have a crush on my volleyball coach…I dont know what to do….little advice? I really want to tell him but i know its not appropriate he’s 20 im 16 and he’s a really nice guy but i dont know why all of the sudden im getting feelings for him..i know this is something serious so i haven’t told my friends about this because i dont want this to become a problem but i do need some advice from an adult to help me a little before i do something like telling him or any of my friends….

It is really hard when you can’t choose who you have feelings for. I hear this kind of issue a lot. However, a consensual relationship cannot exist between a minor (under 18 years old) and an adult. The both of you can get in a lot of trouble. I would maybe find a counselor at your school. All the things that you tell them are kept private unless it involves your safety. Also, you can also call the Support Line anytime at 916-920-2952 and talk stuff out. Feelings and relationships can be tough and I hope you get the support you’re looking for.

This guy, 20 years older than me from a larp (live action role play) group has been flirting with me for months. The guy has sent me messages over Facebook with kissing emotes and creeped me out as hell . I’ve never encouraged him to continue this behavior and flat out ignored his slightly too noticeable comments on me (sometimes said sexual stuff). I try to isolate myself from him but when he for an example: wants to do something, he keeps asking til I say yes (gaming or going to the store). When I came in today for our larp session I got hugged by him behind tightly without any warning and I felt like puking. Every time he stepped into the same room as me I felt disgust and a need to puke. When I came home today I burst into tears and now I can’t even imagine doing anything sexual with my boyfriend. The man has hugged me before (never with me even remotely showing I’d like to) but never like this. What should I do?

What you’re describing here is definitely sexual harassment. Have you ever told the guy to stop? He may think he is just flirting with you- even though that is totally creepy if you’re underage. Saying something like, “when you _____, I feel________, I want you to ________ or _______.” We call that string of sentences assertiveness training. It’s just a non-threatening way to tell someone you’re not interested and you have boundaries- which you are completely entitled to. It’s not ok that this man is pushing your boundaries and trying to bully you into something you don’t want to do. Try the assertiveness stuff. If this man doesn’t stop his behavior I would definitely tell an adult you trust. You don’t owe him anything. I know it can be hard but you already did the first step in the right direction- reaching out to us. Good luck. If you ever need to talk call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My dad sent me sexual loud text messages when he was mad. They told me to go Fuck myself and suck a dick I am 12 years old can he be charged with sexual harassment or something else?

It is not right that your father sent you those messages. This is sexual harassment but I don’t think legal action can be taken (I’m not a lawyer). You can always call us to talk about what happened or get more info on Support Line at 916-920- 2952. Another option is, since you are underage you can definitely report this to CPS at 916-875-5437. They may be able to provide counseling for your father and help you stay safe through other measures. Thanks for contacting us.

My friend fell asleep her brother began flirting with me a little and put his arm around me. I was okay with it at first but then he started reaching for my boobs and I told him to stop but he would always do it again…over and over. I had to cover myself but then he was really strong and forced his hands down my shirt and bra.. I told him to stop and I was trying to pull away his hand but all he was saying was “I know you like it”….then he tried making out with me but I would turn my head and squeeze my lips shut… I could have done more to stop him but I was embarrassed to make a scene… I now know I should have been louder and woken up my friend but at the time I didn’t know what to do… Eventually he started wanting to get my shirt off and he wanted to go “downstairs” if you know what I mean…. I tried leaving and getting off the couch but he would grab me and pull me back down… He never went inside my pants but he did get on the outside… He also was grabbing all over my butt and thighs… He even ended up trying to put the vibration of his phone on my “lady parts”…. I pushed his hands away and tucked up my knees so he wouldn’t do that again…then he pulled the front of my shirt out and was just staring at my boobs and he would grab my hands to stop me from covering myself up… Finally he stopped when his mom pulled into the garage but the whole thing went on for at least an hour or two…The whole situation has bothered me and that night I went to my friend’s room to sleep and I had nightmares about it and thought he kept coming back… Also I started avoiding my friend because I didn’t want to see her brother… A few months later though I had to go on a road trip with them and the whole time I was terrified of her brother and the mom began hating me because I was “being mean” to him… I’ve had to go on multiple other trips with that family and my friend is still my best friend but her brother freaks me out… I told my friend about what happened but she seems to take her brothers side and she tells me to get over it… I have told a couple other people but they too make it seem like I’m over reacting worrying about it. So I was wondering if they are right and if it really was no big deal, it’s now 4 years later and it still bothers me from time to time… I mostly just try and block it from my memory… So my Question is was that even considered sexual assault.?

Yes, this is sexual assault. That guy committed a peer crime against you called unlawful sexual assault on a minor. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I don’t think any of this was your fault. You did everything right in this situation. You can always report something like this to the police no matter how long ago this was. You can call the non-emergency police line at 916- 264-5471 or go to the police station to report. That must be hurtful that people are telling you to “get over it.” If you need help reporting or someone to talk to because this is still bothering you 4 years later, you can get free counseling with WEAVE or call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. It is very common for people to still think about what happened and get upset years later. Thank you for reaching out and telling your story. We are here to talk and support you with whatever you need.

If someone is drunk and passed out and wakes up to someone fingering and touching you all over, is it sexual assault?


Hello and thank you for contacting us for information. Sexual Assault includes any unwanted or unconsented sexual touching and penetration. The fact that the victim was intoxicated/passed out doesn’t change this. Please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this further or if you would like additional resources.

I’m 17 and I just started hanging out with this girl again and she’s kind if bad. like she smokes and she drinks. I don’t have a problem with the smoking but I don’t normally drink. but anyways last night we went to this cabin and started drinking and we went back to her house with her boyfriend and his friend. well everyone knows i don’t like the friend, so it’s never been like a double date thing. and they always joke about us but I shut him down because I’m obviously not interested but last night after I passed out drunk, he came and woke me up and started touching me and stuff and I tried to say no and I did say no several times but I was drunk so I was laughing and he thought I was playing around so he put himself inside me and I still said no but I quit fighting it because he wouldn’t get off and I was so drowsy and still drunk. when I finally got him off, he kept trying to touch me everywhere and it really freaked me out because I didn’t want to do anything like that. and I didn’t know what to do because he would take my phone away from my hands and he wouldn’t let me sleep. but now I feel completely vile about myself and I’m repulsed because I feel so disgusting and no matter how much I scrub or how hot my shower water is I feel like I can’t get him off of me. I just want to know, should I tell someone? who should I tell? was this really sexual assault or is it just all my fault for drinking when I’m a minor? will anyone even believe me? will people think I made it up? I mean we were intoxicated but I’ve made it obvious I never wanted anything like that.

 

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. What happened to you is sexual assault. Just because you were drunk, no matter how old you are, you are not legally able to give consent (permission) for anyone to have sex with you. Also, you clearly said “no” and told him to stop.

It’s completely up to you if you want to tell someone. You can always call our support line at 916-920-2952 and anyone here will believe you 100%. If you wish to make a report, people on the support line can help you do that.

Also, since this guy did commit a crime you can report it to CPS (916 875 kids) and/or the cops (911). I want you to know that it is NOT your fault because you were drinking. Since you are describing some pretty emotional stuff it may be a good idea to start some counseling. Just to let you know, counseling is free here. I hope things get better soon. Thank you for reaching out.

Hello, My brother and I both recently turned 16. We are currently living with out aunt and uncle and cousins. One of our cousins, who is 18, has been continually sneaking up behind us, or forcefully come into our bedroom and proceed to slap our butts. He also asks jokingly to “spoon” with us, and sometimes even climbs into our beds. We constantly tell him no, but since he is bigger than us, it is hard to stop him. I feel this is sexual assault and I don’t like it. What should or could I do? Thank you for reaching out and being brave enough to share your story. You are absolutely right, unwanted sexual contact of any kind is sexual assault. You and your brother both deserve to live in a safe home without fear. You have many options and steps you can take to feel safe. You may consider contacting law enforcement or child protective services. If you are in Sacramento County you can file a CPS report by calling: 916-875-5437 or a police report by calling: 916-874-5115. You may also benefit from speaking to a counselor about your options and next steps. WEAVE’s 24/7 Support Line can be reached at 916-920-2952. Please remember what is happening is not your fault. If you are ever in a situation where you feel unsafe we encourage you to call 9-1-1 or get to a safe place.
So I was confused and wanted to know if this was sexual assault or rape. My boyfriend he went to touch my boobs after we had hugged and asked me if I wanted him to and when I did I’d always say yes but I didn’t want him to this time so I got quiet and slightly pulled away just didn’t say anything because I was scared how he’d react well instead of touching my boobs he switched and just shoved his hand down my pants and in my vagina but later he told me he ddnt know I didn’t want him to do it, so does this still count as assault or rape? Thank you for reaching out to us. It is normal to be confused and commend you for seeking clarification and support. Sexual assault is a general term used for any sexual act or threat without consent. This includes many things, including touching and penetration. Rape is penetration and/or oral penetration without consent. It is important to know that consent does not need to be verbal. I hope this information is helpful to you. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources regarding sexual assault and/or counseling services.

I really need help, my past is on my mind and it is holding me back from my future. I am 16 years old now, but about three years ago right after I turned 14 I was dating this 17 year old. He was almost 18. We dated for a few weeks and then the day after my birthday he said he had got a special bottle of wine for us to share. We went to a park by his house and shared the bottle, but I remember the bottle always having the same amount in it as when I had handed it to him, I think he tricked me. I was young and naive, I got drunk and don’t remember the walk to his house. but the next thing I remember was him naked on top of me, my body felt awful and sore, my head felt fuzzy and groggy. I don’t think he would of slipped me something but I felt like I had been drugged. I still had my shirt and skirt on but I could feel that he had taken off my tights and my panties. He looked at me as if to ask permission but I just said no and he went inside of me anyways, It hurt so bad and I think I told him to stop but I don’t remember, I just remember crying and not wanting it. I don’t know how to tell any one about this and I don’t know what or if I can do anything now since it has been so long, I know his address and his name, before he stole my virginity I would occasionally stay the night with him and other friends at places and I would wake up to him playing with me or feeling me, and he told me it was okay. Please help me out. was this rape?

I am sorry that you are going through this and commend you for reaching out for support. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual act including what you described. Rape is sex without consent or if incapable of consenting due to intoxication or other circumstance. Please know that what happened is not your fault and you are not alone. What you are feeling is normal. You mention that you would like to move forward and oftentimes speaking with someone helps this process. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for information about our counseling services. Contacting Law Enforcement is also an option if you would like to report the incident(s). Please feel free to contact us if you have further questions or need additional support.

I’m a 14 year old girl, but I haven’t gotten my period. I eat healthily, and I excercise regularly. Plus the regular signs of a period have been happening to me for 2 1/2 years now! My breasts are growing and I have pubic hair and discharge, but I don’t have any armpit hair… What I don’t understand is that I’ve had these symptoms for so long, but NOTHING has happened. My mom started her period early, she was like 9 or 10 I think. What’s wrong with me? Do I have some disease? Please help!

The good thing to know is that everyone’s body is different. WEAVE is not a medical provider so unfortunately I don’t know much about this stuff. You can contact your primary care physician (doctor) if you have questions. If that isn’t available you can call Planned Parenthood at 446-5037 or Women’s Health Specialist at 451-0621. Hopefully they can help you with any questions or concerns.

So my girlfriend was raped by her cousin today (and many times in the past) and I told her she should contact the police or tell her parents. She said “No I’m fine.” So should I tell her parents? What should I do? I obviously don’t want this to happen to her anymore. I just want what’s best for her.

I understand your concern and I’m sorry that this is happening to your girlfriend. The cops would be the best. If she is being raped it’s a crime and her cousin may be hurting other people as well. If your gf is under 18, you or anyone can make a CPS report at 916-875-KIDS. We can help you do this at the support line at 916-920-2952 or if you have anymore questions or concerns, please call us. I would encourage your gf to call us as well. Rape is a very scary and confusing thing and we can support her through this time and let her know all the options/ rights. Your gf can also get counseling through WEAVE for free if she wanted it. I would also encourage her to get medical treatment for any injuries; possible STI’s or even pregnancy (if the perpetrator is a guy). WEAVE is not a medical professional but she can call her doctor if she has one. If not, she can call Planned Parenthood at 452-7305. Thank you for being an advocate for your girlfriend and reaching out.

So I had a friend named Logan, I met him through football and me and him were extremely close, I’d go over to his house pretty much every weekend until winter break, I’d passed out on the couch per- usual and around midnight i woke up and well, he was giving me oral. Shoving him off i asked what was wrong with him I’m straight to which he replied with “no please dude, Jessica (his girlfriend of whom I’d been friends with since the start of junior high) Loves my d**k I assure you will too” to which I repeated that was gay I was not and I’m leaving first thing in the morning ( I don’t have a driver’s license) So I feel back to sleep thinking that was the end of it, I was wrong. I woke up a second time to him naked standing over my crotch area, to which I punched him and locked myself in the restroom the rest of the night not knowing if he did something while I was asleep again or had I woke up just in time. So I didn’t have the heart to tell his parents what their son had done so I made up the excuse of not feeling well and asked them to take me home in the morning. I’m contemplating suicide as an escape and/or doing something horrible to Logan, I know it’s wrong but I can’t get it out of my mind, please help

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that you don’t mind that I cut some of the story because of the length. If you are contemplating suicide there are various hotlines you can call to get support around that. California Youth Crisis Line is at 800-843-5200 is 24 hours and completely confidential. You can also get free counseling here at WEAVE because what you experienced was sexual assault. You can also make a police report by calling 911 so Logan’s name is on file and you can press charges if you want to go that route. Also, I’m not sure based on your and Logan’s age, but this may be a CPS case as well. You or anyone can call and ask if this is reportable at 916-875-KIDS. We can also help you do this through our support line at 916-920-2952. I hope this is helpful and I encourage you to advocate for yourself. If you have anymore questions or just wanna talk. Call us at the support line.

My friend has just informed me that he is being physically abused by both of his parents. It happens randomly and the parents act like nothing happened the next day. His father has broken his ribs and beaten him with a chair. I tried to convince him to tell someone, anyone but he refuses. I’m the first person he told. I have never dealt with something like this before so I’m just trying to find out as much as I can. I offered that I could call the police for him but he said that would just make it worst. What do I do! I HAVE to be there for him but all I can do is listen! Help me to convince him to tell someone who can do something!! Please!!!

I can see that you are really concerned for your friend and you should be. What he is telling you is child abuse (if he’s under 18 years old). I can be really hard, confusing and scary to tell a friend let alone an adult about these things. What I can say is that any mandated reporter would have to report this to CPS, but anyone can make a report. You can do this yourself or with him by calling 916-875-KIDS. Also, any teacher who hears about this has to report it by law and keep the source of the information confidential and anonymous. I would encourage your friend to tell an adult. The purpose of CPS is to get parents resources, not break up the family. They are also there to keep kids safe. If your friend feels that the abuse will get worse, being honest with CPS and telling them his concerns would be helpful. It sounds like your friend is in a really bad situation and I’m happy to hear that he has a friend like you there that supports him and that he trusts. If you have any questions or would like us to make a report please call our support line at 916-920-2952.

Can an 18 year old get into trouble with the law for spooning a 12 year old girl…I just want advice before I waste my time calling the police.

This would be a question for CPS. You can call them at 916-875-KIDS and ask if this is reportable. For this act to be considered a crime, punishable by law enforcement, it depends on if the child feels like the act is unwanted. This can present itself in ways like the child feeling intimidated and forced to spoon, they verbally say they don’t like, they may look scared during the act and the fear prevents them from saying anything, etc. If the child does feel uncomfortable around this situation they can call our support line or the California Youth Crisis line and get emotional support at 800-843-5200. If you have more questions or concerns, please contact our support line at 916-920-2952.

I’m a 18 year old girl, My mom’s ex-boyfriend is telling people that I ‘touch him inappropriately” he is a 44 year old man. He says that basically I am molesting him and since him and my mom are having custody issues with the court he wants to use this accusation to his advantage. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO THAT MAN. I was molested by my brother’s dad when I was a little girl and honestly I don’t trust men. He knew this and for him to accuse me of such thing is outrageous. Is there anything I can do to report him or just do something. Because this really is getting to me emotionally. I’ve fallen back into depression because of this.

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this emotionally rough time and that depression is creeping back into your life. There are some things you can do. If you would like to talk to someone on our support line to get support around this please call 916-920-2952. You can also be asked to be directed to our legal department for a consultation and speak with someone about your legal rights. I’m sad to hear that you have a past childhood sexual assault. If you ever feel like you want to come to counseling and work through your depression and concerns, sexual assault counseling is free at WEAVE.

My step father had been struggling with a drinking problem for a about a year or two and things had been going pretty average but the other day my mom and I came home after he had been drinking a bit and I had taken a shower and saw him standing outside my window peaking through the curtains trying to watch me change I immediately confronted him and told my mom about it. My family is Christian and he said that he is never going to drink again and is going to talk to our pastor to get help and my mom says that if he drinks again we’re leaving. It seems like he does feel ashamed of what he did and my mom is always watching over my but I can’t help but feel terrified that something is going to happen again or that it will escalate. I don’t want to feel like I need to hide forever from my family but I also don’t want to leave the home I’ve been in for so long and leave behind my therapy dog. I’m scared and worried. I’m told to forgive and move on but I’m struggling so much.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this situation. Its sounds very confusing, invasive and stressful. I’m glad to hear that you confronted your stepfather and told your mother. That takes a lot of courage and bravery and you should be recognized for that. I’m also glad to hear that your mom is supporting you as well. It sounds like your stepdad is reaching out to others and that’s good but it may not be enough for you. Technically what you described is sexual abuse/ harassment and you can make a CPS report (if you’re under 18 years old). Anyone can make the report whether it is a trusted adult, yourself or someone else. You can call CPS directly at 916-875-KIDS or you can call our support line at 916 920 2952 and we can help. It sounds like you don’t feel safe in your own home which is not ok. CPS is there to support the family as a whole if you want to stay together or CPS supports each individual within the family. Their goal is not to take kids out of their homes. Also, you can also seek out the support line or counseling for the things you’re struggling with here at WEAVE. There are people who can help you. Good luck and stay strong.

Just to be clear this was last year and my boyfriend tried to have sex with me (we’re both 14 and i had never done anything like that with him) at a camping trip with our friends but I said no, so he got a bit annoyed and walked off, so later on I said I didn’t like his tent so we could stay in with someone else to avoid that situation again. anyway after a while everyone went to sleep and it was me, my boyfriend and another girl sleeping in a tent after a while my boyfriend woke me up by kissing me and touching my face so I told him to stop and he did and then a little while later I woke up with his hand down my pants messing with me and I pulled his hand out and told him for the last time to let me sleep and he did, if he done anything else I didn’t notice because I woke up the next morning and I felt really uncomfortable around him, so what I’m trying to ask is joules I have done something more about this and is it classed as anything bad?

I’m sorry that this happened to you by someone that you trusted. Technically what happened was sexual assault. Even though you didn’t have sex your boyfriend was touching you and doing sexual things when you were asleep. You cannot give consent or permission for sexual things when you unconscious or asleep. You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m glad you had the courage enough to tell him to stop when you were uncomfortable. If you are still having trouble sleeping because of this experience please call our support line at any time. Were 24 hours so you can call if it’s really late or early for some support or to start/ get more info on counseling. 916-920-2952. Thanks for reaching out and telling your story.

I’m 19 years old and I went in a date with my boyfriend who’s 23 I started my period the second I got to his house and him and I started messing around and he was wet down there from precum and he put his hand down there and felt it. I’m a virgin so don’t judge. He started rubbing the inner part of my labia and vulva and my clit. He can’t fully ejaculate though. I got my period a day late this month and it’s lighter than it usually is. Is there a slight possibility that I could be pregnant?? WEAVE is not a medical provider, therefore we cannot give medical advice. You can contact Planned Parenthood at (916) 325-1740 for confidential information. Also, they have a chat option on their website where you can ask questions online.
A couple years ago the captain of my swim team exposed himself to be and tried to force me to touch his penis. I tried to leave but he blocked my way out. Although all he grabbed was my arms i want to know if he sexually assaulted me. I was 15 and he was 18. I am not sure if i am traumatized or if i will ever get over it. He begged me never to tell because he was going to get a swimming scholarship and his dad was a principle. This is the only place i have ever admitted it. It’s a really hazy memory almost like if it was a dream. I think that if i find out if it was a form of sexual assault i will be able to seek help without feeling embarrassed that i am making a bigger deal than it is. Please help. Thank you for contacting us. What happened was assault in that he exposed himself to you, grabbed you, and tried to make you touch his penis without your consent. He knew what he was doing was wrong or else he would not have asked you not to tell anyone. I am sorry that you have not been able to talk about it until now as that must be a difficult secret to keep. We are here to help you process your experience.
im 14 and a muslim female. i love my religion and parents very much.
my parents are lovely to me but im not allowed to wear the type of clothing i want,i am stuck wearing traditional pakistani clothes which i find extremely emabarassing and is affecting my self condfidence.this may sound not like an issue to anyone else but means sooo much that i have days i cry myself to sleep. i have trips coming up and i just want to feel beautiful and fit in. what should i do?
That sounds very conflicting and frustrating. On one hand you sound very in touch and proud with your culture and the other, American culture is pressuring you to conform. I would try and have a conversation with your parents let them know that this is affecting your self-confidence and why you would want to dress differently. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, perhaps there is someone in your family or a trusted adult that they would listen to? If you would like to role-play this conversation or get emotional support, please contact out support line at 916-920-2952. Good luck!

I’m a girl and I like wearing boy clothes because it’s more comfortable and I’m more tomboyish and I hate bright colors like on most girl clothes. They have no problem when I’m cosplaying but as everyday clothes my mom says I can’t. It makes so sense!

That sounds very frustrating. Gender expression, if you look feminine, masculine, or androgynous, is a very complicated thing. Some people think that gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation is all lumped together but in reality it’s not. It is very common for girls to dress like boys and be heterosexual and identify as a girl still. It’s also common for people to feel like they are born in the wrong body. As well as girls dressing like boys and identify as lesbian. If you feel comfortable, I would talk to your mom about why she doesn’t want you dressing like. Have a conversation about why you want to dress like that. If you have questions, want to practice that conversation or need more support please call out support line at 916 920 2952. Good luck!

i gave a handjob to one of my guy friends, and he told someone i hate. She told her friends and they told their friends and now my whole school knows. What do i do? ( i’m 14) If people are talking about this incident at school it’s actually a form of verbal sexual harassment. I would tell an adult you trust at school such as a school counselor, teacher, yard staff. Check with your school and see if this is reportable. The school must then step in to make sure the rumors stop. In the future it may be wise to only to sexual things with people you trust so something like this doesn’t happen again. If you have any questions or need further support please call our support line at 916 920 2952

My whole life I feel like I have been abandoned, even if I’m only 15. When I was about 5, my brother began to beat me physically and I couldn’t fight back. It only made everything worse. It continued for most of my life and any time I tried to tell my parents they’d call me a liar and tell me it’s my fault he hits me anyway. They always said I provoked him and made him hurt me when I wouldn’t do anything. He used to beat me in public as well. We went to a park and he choked me. One of my friends told my grandmother but she called them liars and would pay no attention. He even beat me at school. Someone told my parents but they simply refused to believe my brother would do such a thing. Eventually though, the beatings stopped when he got to high school. From there, life seemed to lift up for me until there was a total crap storm. My brother and mother began to build tension in their relationship. They would argue and call each other horrible names. They both acted rather immaturely for their ages. But one night, i remember the exact date May 18, 2010 at 7:30 pm I was doing my homework for my science class. My mother began to scream at my brother and he yelled back. They charged at each other and my brother choked my mom. I was so afraid and scared, i began to hyper ventilate and I fell out of my chair. I ran to my room and cried because I felt like a coward. My father stopped the fight and tried to convince my mom to not do anything. I can quote exactly what she said “I will put a knife through his sorry ass throat. I hate him” hearing this shattered my heart and I cried harder. My father told my mom to think what I was going through seeing it, she said “I don’t give a fuck about what she sees”. From there, I began to feel hatred for her. Over the 3 year span since it happened, she has accused my father of turning her children against her. She tries to take her anger out on me and accuses my father of smoking marijuana and being a drunk. Her words hurt and with each thing she says builds an anger in me. She calls my brother a loser and he will never amount to anything. Even though my brother caused my misery and childhood depression I could never hate him. I’m afraid that I’m going to become so blind with anger that I will do the same thing he did. I have posted this before but never got any response. I need to know what I can do to help myself and my family from falling apart. Can you in any way help me or am I just a lost cause?

Hey,
I’m sorry no one got back to you last time. This sounds like a horrible situation. Since you are under 18 you can report any physical abuse you experience in your family to CPS 916-875-5437. The same if your brother is under 18 years old. You can tell a trusted adult, school counselor or someone here can help you on the support line. There is always counseling available to you and/or your family. If you would like more information about our services you can call the support line and see if anything is right for you. 916-920-2952. The line is anonymous and confidential. We just want to get you the help you need. Also, if you just want to talk to someone, you can call as well. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Remember that abuse is never your fault and you didn’t do aFirst I want to tell you how brave you are for writing us today and reaching out for help. Emotional abuse is difficult to ignore as it can tear us down and be extremely painful. It sounds like your sister may be facing some challenges of her own and is taking them out on you. That is not an excuse and doesn’t make her actions okay. You are right to be bothered by her put downs and I am proud of you for recognizing your personal strengths. The decision to move with your father is only yours to make. I would recommend speaking with a counselor about your options and making a decision while you are calm and not upset. WEAVE has phone counselors you can speak with 24/7 who can offer support, listen and help you determine the best option. You can reach a counselor anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You may also find it useful to speak with a counselor at the California Youth Crisis Line. They may also have options and resources to help you through this difficult time. You can reach them at 800.843.5200. Please remember that, no matter what your sister says, you are strong and not alone.nything to deserve this.

My parents are divorced. I have a younger sister. I feel good about myself. I study hard, earn straight A’s, and am on my school cheer and swim teams. I may not be the most popular but I love my friends. Everyday when I come home my sister starts fights with me. I try to ignore her but she beats me down. She insults me, telling me I have no life, I will never have a boyfriend, how I am a looser because I don’t go to parties. I originally didn’t care but it hurts when I know she thinks I am a looser and won’t talk to me everyday. It has made living at home really hard. I try to talk to my mom but she doesn’t do anything about my sister’s bullying. I hate being at home and am thinking about moving in with my dad to get away from her. What should I do? First I want to tell you how brave you are for writing us today and reaching out for help. Emotional abuse is difficult to ignore as it can tear us down and be extremely painful. It sounds like your sister may be facing some challenges of her own and is taking them out on you. That is not an excuse and doesn’t make her actions okay. You are right to be bothered by her put downs and I am proud of you for recognizing your personal strengths. The decision to move with your father is only yours to make. I would recommend speaking with a counselor about your options and making a decision while you are calm and not upset. WEAVE has phone counselors you can speak with 24/7 who can offer support, listen and help you determine the best option. You can reach a counselor anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You may also find it useful to speak with a counselor at the California Youth Crisis Line. They may also have options and resources to help you through this difficult time. You can reach them at 800.843.5200. Please remember that, no matter what your sister says, you are strong and not alone.
Well, I’m in year six and its my last year of primary school, about a month ago I started going out with someone, they are really sweet and the kindest person that you will ever meet, but, last week My boyfriend came up and said, ” my friends dared me to hug you ” so I said. ” ok ” and I let him, but then I felt him get a you know.. Boner, and he began rubbing up against me, I didn’t really like that so I pulled away, what should I say to him? Wow, that must have been a really awkward and confusing situation. In healthy relationships it is important to have open communication. That means you’re not scared or embarrassed to talk to your boyfriend openly about stuff. I would maybe say how that situation made you feel. It would also be ok to ask him not to do that anymore because it made you feel… however it made you feel. Its good to let people know their boundaries around your body. If you need someone to talk to or have more questions please call us at our support line. 916-920-2952. Good luck!
I just saw 2 pictures of my 17 year old sister with only bra an undies posted on Facebook. Apparently she sent those pictures to a guy and he posted them with out her permission. Is there anything she can do about it. She feels awful and cant stop crying. Please help. That seems like a really hard thing to be going through right now. I’m really sorry your sister was disrespected in that way. I know that you can contact Facebook and report the pictures if they’re still up. Facebook has the power to take the pics down and maybe even freeze the guy’s account. Also, if you wish to prosecute you can get in touch with the police and make a report. It sounds like your sister is very stressed, she can always call us for emotional support and different options on our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. Hope this helps.
When I was ages 12-13 my (ex) boyfriend who is the same age as me fingered me and had me give him a hand job. He emotionally manipulated me in the fact that he would break up with me if I didn’t let him finger me and if I didn’t give him a hand job. He also emotionally manipulated me In the same way, into sending him inappropriate photos via text. Is this sexual assault? Or is it really all my fault? Once or twice I said no but he didn’t listen so I just gave up. Once I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I had to physically remove his hand from my vagina… Is this sexual assault? Or sexual abuse? What degree of sexual assault/abuse is this? I haven’t told anyone and I won’t tell anyone I just want to know if what happened to me is against the law I am so sorry that he did that to you. It must have been very scary and confusing. Any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay. From what you describe it sounds like there was emotional and sexual abuse within your relationship. If you would like more information regarding teen dating violence and the services WEAVE provides that may help you process your abuse you can call our 24 hour Support and Information line to speak with a counselor. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. Again, I am sorry this happened and I think it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help.
So I lied to my boyfriend, I told him I was 14, and he’s 15. But I told him e monthes later I was 13. I fell in love with him.. I didn’t mean to, and he fell in love with me. He ended up breaking up with me because I lied… he brokeup with me september 30 and he still says he loves me and wants me back and misses me but can’t trust me anymore. How can I get him back and make him trust me? Anyone..? It’s really hard to go through a breakup especially if you love that person. I can see that he still cares about you from your post but he is still feeling pretty upset. Maybe you can talk about his feelings around the lying. Does he feel hurt, betrayed, sad, etc. You can talk with him openly and honestly and see if that helps. You can’t make anyone do anything if they don’t want to do it. It’s not healthy to try and control other people. He needs to trust you on his own. Good luck. If you need any support please call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952
My girlfriend loves me but admitted that she would cheat on me with a certain celebrity if she hypothetically had the opportunity. It just makes me sad and hurt.. should I be concerned or just let it go because she most likely would never meet him anyway. I’m in love with her. It does sound like this situation would be very hurtful to hear from someone you love. There are some components of a healthy relationship that I am seeing. You’re communication with your girlfriend is open and honest which can be very good for the relationship. However honesty can also hurt someones feelings, like in this situation. Perhaps ask yourself, why she told you this. Was it to hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself? If so, that can be an issue. No one can tell you your feelings are wrong. It may be beneficial to have a conversation with her and say you we hurt by what she said. You can also put up a boundary and ask for her to not tell you about those things. If you want to talk through this some more you can call out 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952.
I am… basically a trans boy, for these purposes. (Non-transitioning, if that matters for my question.) I was abused as a child, and when I was no older than 13 (my memory is fuzzy but the other child’s account indicates that year), over a decade ago, I assaulted another, younger child. I never talked about it or apologized for it, because I didn’t know whether they remembered or not, and if they didn’t I felt it wasn’t my right to bring it up again and retraumatize them. I never did anything like that to anyone else. They have now told my fiancee, who is a survivor of much worse abuse, what I did to them. They don’t want any contact with me. I am respecting their wishes. After a long talk about what exactly happened, how I felt about it then, and how I feel about it now, my fiancee says she still loves me, wants to get married, wants our relationship to be romantic, and believes I am a good person now. Understandably, she doesn’t want any sexual contact with me for the forseeable future. I am having a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror and not seeing a villain, and my jerkbrain is rearing up and using the fact that she doesn’t want sexual contact or to sleep alone in the same room with me as evidence that I am disgusting and a monster and can’t ever be a good person and still be happy or productive. Rationally, I know that’s not true, but I need a neutral party to talk to who has some experience in this area, and while I don’t want to use resources meant for assault *survivors*, I thought WEAVE might know where there might be resources that could help me. Can you recommend, for example, support groups for queer or trans men (or really, any men’s group that wouldn’t balk at the fact that I am not “biologically male”) who were abused as children that are free, or extremely low-cost, or provided through an area university? I’ve Googled but I haven’t been able to find anything. It sounds like you’re having a pretty stressful time. You can definitely seek low cost counseling here at WEAVE for any issue. However, if you would like to focus on the sexual abuse you suffered as a child, those services would be free at WEAVE. If you feel more comfortable, you can seek out the Gender Health Center for low cost counseling as well. If at any time you feel that you need emotional support, please contact our 24 hour, anonymous support line at 916 920 2952.
I just had oral sex yesterday and im scared that i could possibly get pregnant from it. I did give him a blowjob, and he did come into my mouth a bit, then after that we made out. Yes, we did exchanged saliva. Then he licked my vagina after THAT. Do you think there was sperm in my saliva when we made out? And do you think, after we exchanged saliva, and he licked me down there, that i could get pregnant? WEAVE is not a medical provider, therefore we cannot give medical advice. You can contact Planned Parenthood at (916) 325-1740 for confidential information. Also, they have a chat option on their website where you can ask questions online.
What do I do, when I have Asperger’s and my mum has multiple mental issues also, she is tricking me into fights, stopping me from walking away from the situation before it escalates, choking me and using force verbally and physically – she said “you’re the problem. You always have been.” I am so sorry that is happening to you. It is never okay for a parent to hurt you. If you are feeling unsafe and you are being hurt you can call 911. It is illegal for your mom to be strangling and hurting you. If you have a safe person at school to talk to they can also help you get support from the police and help you be safe. You may also call our 24-hour Support and Information Line for support and help. Our number is (916)920-2952. Again, regardless if you have Aspergers or not it is not okay for a parent to verbally and physically hurt you.
I was raped by my cousin from since I was 8yrs old he didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties, then I found out he was also raping my mother. Can i press charges against him? He’s admitted what he’s done and is now a member of the church surrounded by children. What can I do now 20yrs later? I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. It must have been very frightening for you. I am not aware of the statute of limitations where you are from. In regards to him being around children, if you have concerns that other children are at risk you can file an anonymous report with child protective services. If you would like additional support regarding how the sexual abuse has impacted your life and would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
my partners mother & father have a history of dv i am worried if my partner doesn’t move away from them we will have our unborn child taken away when its born as social service are already involved ? What should i do. please help me i have tried talking to my girlfriend about it but then her mother says she isn’t moving anywhere and is abusive and threatening violence on myself. My partner is 17 but she will be
18years old by the time our baby is born
Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us for help. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation one that does not have an easy
answer. It may be helpful for you and your partner to sit down and
think of what potential good and bad can come from not moving. We
may also be able to provide you two with area resources that may
be able to relieve some of your worry as you wait to welcome your
baby into the world. It could also be helpful to speak with the social
worker regarding your concerns. If you would like to speak with a
Support Line counselor regarding your feelings and possible
referrals you can reach us at (916)920-2952,
My parents fighting had gotten out of hand. I fear for my mother’s life. My father I don’t won’t to say that he’s abusive. But I guess that’s what you call it. They get in verbal fights and mama gets in his face and then daddy pushes her. But I cannot take this anymore. My father has run off most family we have. He’s does not care. He drinks every day and whenever he drinks he gets mean. Not to me or my brother just whenever he and mom fight he will throw things. He won’t leave I wish he would. But daddy makes most of the money and mama has a job too just less paying. That’s why we haven’t left. When we do leave after a fight I get so happy because this is the step to be away from him. And then she comes back. It must be very upsetting to see your parents fight. It can also be confusing to have to go back and forth. It sounds like you care a lot about both your parents. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships and money is a big reason. Parents sometimes do not understand the effect that domestic violence has on their children. It sounds like you are very observant and are aware of the conflicting feelings you have. It may be helpful to look over our website or call one of our counselor’s on the Support Line to review a safety plan and learn more about community referrals that may help you and your mother. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952. There is also a teen hotline answered by teenagers and specifically for teenagers. The Teen hotline can be accessed by calling 800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only). Your school might also have onsite counseling available that could be helpful in processing how you feel about what you are experiencing at home.
I’m 16 my boyfriend is 19 i got pregnant and he would choke me and pin me to the bed bite me and pull my hair when we got in fights he always promised he never do it again so i stayed i had our baby he showed up to the delivery room high and then left me in the hospital the night she was born to go get high the day home from the hospital he threw me on the bed and then choked his mom he got arrested this time we got a TPO now it’s a month after this and now i can remove the TPO and he’s begging me to do so and i don’t want to I’m afraid he will take her and run and there’s nothing i can do about it he’s not right in the head he’s crazy when i told him he was crazy he told me no its just some of his personalities are crazy but that doesn’t make him crazy , while we were being intimate he had me beg him to stop because it turned him on i guess i don’t know but he’s not right in the head and i don’t want him around our daughter i have no idea what to do i want to get custody but i don’t know where to start in Ohio Also will this domestic violence charge give me the better chance of me getting her? I’m still in school I’m supposed to graduate in January and i don’t have a job but my parents buy her everything she needs I’m so afraid he’ll get her and he’ll end up hitting her too i just don’t know what to do. First, I am so sorry that happened to you. Being a new mother can be very challenging and having the added pressure of an abusive partner must be very difficult for you. Raising a new baby, completing school, and filing a TPO all takes a lot of strength and courage. Because we are based in California I would not be able to advise you of the laws or custody referrals in Ohio. The National Domestic Violence hotline is a great resource and they can help give you referrals specific to your area. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). There are a number of behaviors you mention in your message that are concerning. You have every right to question what is best for you and your baby. It may be helpful to call the hotline so that you can speak with a counselor regarding your feelings and concerns. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you can help in deciding what is best for you regarding removing the TPO or maintaining it. Please know that you are not alone and we send safe thoughts and support to you and your infant.
I’m 13. I’ve never been able to meet or talk to any of my family on my deceased dad’s side. I found
out that’s because he said some things he didn’t mean when he got drunk and told his family that I
wasn’t his kid… I know I am, and I do have a way to contact them all. But I’m scared that they will hate me… What should I do?
That sounds like a really difficult situation and one that I am sure does not have an easy answer. Sometimes it can be helpful to write out what the good and bad things could be of reaching out to that side of your family right now. Do you have any support from other family members that may be able to help you make the contact? Maybe also think how you feel if you did not get the reaction from them that you would like. Are you thinking of writing them a letter or calling them on the phone? What would be the most comfortable for you? It may be helpful to speak with someone regarding your feelings and the teen hotline is a good resource for teens dealing with various issues and questions. The Teen hotline can be accessed by calling 800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only). You can also call our Support Line at (916)920-2952.
I need help helping my sister. She is young, and pregnant. She is very close to having her baby. She is currently staying with my grandmother because the babys father (who is addicted to meth) put a chainsaw to her stomach and threatened to kill her and the baby if she didn’t shut up. (She won’t admit it to the family, but she told my husband) I myself have heard him threaten to kill her and the baby if she tried to leave again when my sister butt dialed me and I heard her screaming Pleasejust let me go please and the line hung up. I thought he had killed her. He didn’t and she came home.. but she keeps leaving with him. putting herself and my future niece in danger. When they first got together she ran off to Alabama with him (we live in GA) and came home after she had to have a 4 hour surgery on her arm where he cut her. She told us that when she came home but now swears she did it herself punching through a glass window. My sister is not on drugs, she never has been, I dont understand how she can be with a guy like that.. our father was on drugs too.. but that should just keep us from men like that. Anyway, I’m worried about my sister.. but mostly my future neice. My sister is an adult WHO KEEPS PUTTING HERSELF IN THE SITUATION but my neice is a helpless baby who cant make a decision for herself. I’m terrified of him hurting her. I’m terrified of him getting angry on one of his binges and hurting the baby. He lives in a known meth house with his dad.. the baby cant live there. My gramz and I feel that my sister is going to go back with him when the baby is born because she keeps sneaking off with him for days at a time. I’m scared and I don’t know what I can do.. or the steps I can take to ensure my neice will be safe. Is this more of a legal question?
Subject:
This sounds like a very scary situation for your niece and family. You can call Child Protective Services if you feel like your niece is in danger, which it sounds like she is. The number to CPS for Sacramento County is 916-875-5437. I believe that you can file an anonymous report. If you would like us to file a report for you then you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you have concerns for her safety you may also call local law enforcement and ask that they do a welfare check. This sounds like a very stressful situation I encourage you to take care of yourself and find a safe person to talk to. It may be helpful to call the Teen hotline at (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only) – See more at: http://teenlineonline.org You can also text TEEN to 839863.
My grandfather is a very tempered man. He gets out of control and he is known to abuse his wife mentally and physically. My grandma is a very sweet woman, and has some faults, but should never be punished the way he does. I am not trying to say he hits her every chance he gets, he only does that every once in awhile. My grandma is planning an escape, but she just needs to wait for some more money. She doesn’t want to come forward because she just wants to make a clean break from him. But, he threatens to kick me out of his house and threatens to hurt me. I want to visit my grandma at her house but he is always there. I would get a restraining order, but how would I see my grandma? I am so sorry to hear that is going on for you and your grandma. The violence you describe is domestic violence and possibly elder abuse depending on her age. Elder abuse is for anyone ages 65 and over. If you would like to call Adult Protective Services to file a report their number is (916) 874-9377. I believe that you can file an anonymous report. If you would like us to file a report for you then you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you have concerns for her safety you may also call local law enforcement and ask that they do a welfare check. I would check with the Family court house or an attorney regarding your rights if you were to get a restraining order.
Hi I was wondering if You guys let High school senior leadership students hold A dress drive or something where you guys bring in some dresses so people in the school whom cannot afford a prom dress or has no mom or parents to help them can get a perfect dress. ? WEAVE does have a program just like that called “Cinerellas’s Closet” program. The closet provides Sacramento area teens with free gently used prom dresses, shoes and accessories. In order to sustain this program we rely on donations from the community as well as dress drives. We encourage teens to participate in and organize drives for this program as it allows them to give back to WEAVE and the community. For information on how to get started and hold a successful drive please email info@weaveinc.org or call 916.319.4907.
I’m 18, been fighting with my boyfriend for several days (I haven’t made contact with him thanks to him forcing me to take a break), I tried to tell him that I wanted our relationship to end and for us to go back to being friends, but he wouldn’t let me and started making harsh insults to me, then telling me he always wanted to be with me and loved me. I’ve tried telling him I’m sorry and despite the fact he’s forgave me, he wouldn’t let me break up with him, forced me to make a promise with him that we can’t break up. He made me take a break, but a break up with him he refused to allow. He even told me that his decision is his decision and that there’s no point in convincing him. All I want is to just break up with him and be done with it, but I don’t want to hurt him or get hurt myself. Any advice, please? I’m sorry you have to go through this. Break ups are already difficult but having someone refuse the break up just sounds even more stressful. It may be a good idea to talk with your family and friends about this in order to create a safety plan. You may also want to document any ways that he may harass you. If you continue on with the break up and he begins to harass you that is against the law and you could get a restraining order if you need to. If you do need to get a restraining order you can get one by going to the “Family Court House”. WEAVE has a 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 if you need someone to talk to for support or if you need any resources. We also have counseling and can receive the details to our counseling by calling the support and information line.
Yesterday, I woke up to find my friends boyfriend in the bed, spooning me and with his hands in my pants. I pushed him away, climbed out of the bed and left the room. His girlfriend – my friend, was next to me, I was in the middle – why did he climb in behind me? As I climbed out of the bed, I glimpsed that he had his bits exposed. I pretended I didn’t see and I went outside to calm down and gather my thoughts. I’ve tried to block it out but I think I may break.
I am now sat at my desk and feel alone and violated. How dare he help himself? I have only ever been with my 3 boyfriends and I have never ever had even a random kiss with anyone. I am very protective of my body. I feel absolutely violated, and I’m devastated and I have no idea what to do about it. I can’t believe it.
You have every right to be upset about his actions. Unwelcome sexual advances are not okay. It may be helpful to talk with someone about what happened. Speaking with a Support Line counselor might give you the emotional support you need to process what happened. You are welcome to contact the 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We have counselors available day and night to assist you.
Should I seek help? I am male and currently 17 and have always been worried about my weight. I was a fat child and got bullied for it. Later at the start of high school, i started to throw up and fast. Also during this time people started complementing me on my looks, because it turned out I had that classic thin model look (i.e. high cheekbones, sunken cheeks etc).The fact is I am a very vain person so I loved the attention. The problem is that now when bored I diet I am now 183cm and weigh 66kg, keeping in mind that i have a wide solid build, but I have not received the same attention as before and it is only encouraging me to lose more and more weight. What should I do, because don’t even know if I want to change…I’m never sure how I feel. It can be difficult to change unhealthy patterns when there is some form of positive reward/feedback coming from them. First, thank you for reaching out and letting us know what you are experiencing. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. An important first step could be to contact your physician. Eating disorders and body image issues are not our specialty but there are places that specialize in those areas. A good resource is the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) and they can be reached by phone Call their confidential Helpline, Monday-Friday from 9:00 am – 9:00 pm (EST) by dialing 1-800-931-2237. They also have an online chat option that can be reached at http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org .
What’re some ways to get over my ex-boyfriend? He recently broke up with me (about a week ago). And I can’t seem to get over him. I’m on summer vacation so my mind has a LOT of free time to think, and he is what my mind seems to keep coming back to. I’m really mad at him for what he did, but I still have deep feelings for him, and I want those feelings to go away because they are holding me back from having fun with my life. We said we will stay friends, and he’s been texting me every once and a while, as very distant friends. This is not helping me get over him; it’s just making me madder at him. I really want to move on because it’s not worth moping around hoping for some miracle to save me. What can I do to get over him? It sounds like the breakup was very recent and it is normal to have feelings of loss over a breakup. It could be helpful to set some limits with him regarding the text messages and maybe let him know how you are feeling. If you would like to speak with a support line counselor you are welcome to call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you would like to speak with another teen regarding your relationship questions you can call the Teen Hotline at (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only) – See more at: http://teenlineonline.org/about/contact/#sthash.BPmnsyxR.dpuf. You can also text TEEN to 839863.
My friend left her husband and family and we think she is in a safe house. How can we know for sure where she is and if she is safe? Would a safe house let her talk to us? Most Safehouses like ours do not disclose whether someone is or is not in their shelter. This is for safety reasons. If she has a personal cellphone or email account it may be helpful to try to reach out to her that way (if you have not already). Some shelters provide safe phones for someone to use that is a number that the abusive partner does not have. Someone just leaving an abusive relationship may want to have some space while they consider what the best course of action for them is. If you would like to call our Support Line to discuss how you are doing you are more than welcome to. Our 24 hour Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
How does a “long distance” relationship work? This coming up school year, my boyfriend and I will be splitting into two different high schools going into our freshman year. I won’t be able to see him hardly ever, which will be really hard if we r going to make it work out. In what ways can I help this relationship work well so that he doesn’t lose interest in me? Thank you for taking the time to message us regarding your relationship question. It sounds like you have some concerns regarding what your relationship will be like once you both attend two different schools. Unfortunately, we do not know how your relationship will be impacted as every relationship is different. It may be helpful to call the Teen hotline at (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only) – See more at: http://teenlineonline.org/about/contact/#sthash.BPmnsyxR.dpuf. You can also text TEEN to 839863.
My friend left her husband and family and we think she is in a safe house. How can we know for sure where she is and if she is safe? Would a safe house let her talk to us? Most Safehouses like ours do not disclose whether someone is or is not in their shelter. This is for safety reasons. If she has a personal cellphone or email account it may be helpful to try to reach out to her that way (if you have not already). Some shelters provide safe phones for someone to use that is a number that the abusive partner does not have. Someone just leaving an abusive relationship may want to have some space while they consider what the best course of action for them is. If you would like to call our Support Line to discuss how you are doing you are more than welcome to. Our 24 hour Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
How does a “long distance” relationship work? This coming up school year, my boyfriend and I will be splitting into two different highschools going into our freshman year. I won’t be able to see him hardly ever, which will be really hard if we r going to make it work out. In what ways can I help this relationship work better so that he doesn’t loose interest in me? Thank you for taking the time to message us regarding your relationship question. It sounds like you have some concerns regarding what your relationship will be like once you both attend two different schools. Unfortunately, we do not know how your relationship will be impacted as every relationship is different. It may be helpful to call the Teen hotline at (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only) – See more at: http://teenlineonline.org You can also text TEEN to 839863.
Please read the whole thing… I know its long, but its kinda important to me, thanks.. Sorry, I don’t know if this is the kind of question usually asked here..

I’m almost 14, and he’s almost 15, and we got together while we were in school for about 2 months and I thought things were perfect, but then unexpectedly he broke up with me. I was heartbroken, so when he fessed up that he still had feelings for me I didn’t think, really, and we got back together. We waited till school was out, as to not cause drama. Once we got back together,he would text me or message me on Facebook every single day! And he would always be the one to text first! And AT LEAST once a day he would tell me he loved me. He would tell me really sweet things. Now, I havent seen him in over two weeks. And a few days ago, he told me he was starting a track/running training thing and he has to stay dedicated to that because they told him he could do really well if he stays focused. Idk if that had something to do with it… But pretty much ever since then, he hasn’t been contacting me very much, I have to be the one to do it first. He doesn’t talk to me like his girlfriend… He hasn’t told me he loves me unless I say it first. And even when he says it back, there isn’t much feeling behind the words. It makes me feel unwanted.. I really love him.. (by the way, we are going to different highschools next year just so ya know).. And I am feeling really sad and lonely right now. What’s happening with him? And how can I make it better? Thank you to whoever can help me:) I appologise for the long message… I just need some support right now, thanks!!!!!!!!

I know relationships can be complicated and there sometimes isn’t one answer to make things better. I know that if you are feeling lonely and or sad it could be a good question to ask yourself what can I do for myself to make “me” happy. Something outside of your relationship with him. For example an activity or sport or a group of friends you like hanging out with. Also if you haven’t already had an honest conversation with him about how you are feeling it might be a good idea to have one. Either way it goes remember to use the support and care you have from other so that you don’t have to go through anything alone.
How do I know if I am bi-sexual? I don’t know if I have an answer to that. Sexual orientation is such a person journey for each individual. Here are a few resources that can help. L.Y.R.I.C (Lavender Youth Recreation and information Center) 800-246-4564. Also the Gender Health Center 916-455-2391.
Hi. Umm. I just wanted to ask someone, well you see there is this boy and I like him alot. We’ve been secretly dating for 4 months. I am Hispanic and he is black. My family is racist so what do I do? Do I breakup with him to keep my family happy? Do I continue to see him, risk moving away and be disown by my mother? It doesn’t sound like there is easy answer for this. I know that if (it is safe to do so) being vulnerable and having those uncomfortable conversations with our parents about certain topics like dating can be good and have a potential for everyone to grow. I know that it can be really hard to live with parents that may not share the same mindset as you I would encourage you to talk about your feelings around these issues with a trusted friend and or adult.
I know its a somewhat stupid question but i will go on vacation with a bunch of friends, i really don’t like someone there and i am afraid that i can become like him. I don’t know why but i fear that i change myself because he has a humor i hate and i really like mine. I don’t want to spend too much time with the person. Is my character actually able to change to something i dont like? I think that we all can act and behave in ways that were not proud of. If you notice your character or personality changing in ways you are not comfortable with it might be a good idea to notice what is causing the change and make choices that will steer you in a better direction. That may mean hanging out with different people. Or if you’re not going to choose different people to hang out with it may mean making goals for yourself to not change, and or making a pact with a friend that if things get uncomfortable for you when hanging out with that group of friends you 2 have a way out of the situation. There can be a variety things you can do for your situation I would encourage you to talk to a trusted friend/or adult about it to see if you can come up with an option that feels most comfortable for you.
I suffer from really bad anxiety and it makes me not want to do things. I tell my mom she has to drop me off at school a certain way and time otherwise I’m afraid of someone judging me that I’m too late or early and have no one to talk to before classes. And I have anxiety about going places. I am terrified of my first cheer practice because I am the only person on the squad who has never cheered before and I’m not friends with anybody on the squad. And to help out with all of that I don’t think I am very good so I feel like I am going to make them look worse as a whole. We are going to start conditioning soon and I’m scared for that. I’m not in the best shape and I don’t want to be the quitter I made a commitment and I need to stick to it.
I just don’t know how to feel more confident with the things I choose to do. I want to know how to handle it.
Thank you for contacting us as anxiety can feel very scary and it can be difficult to feel confident when anxiety takes over. First, congratulations on making the cheer squad. You must have made a good impression on the coach in order to be selected for the squad. It can feel scary for lots of people to try something new and to join a new team. It could be helpful to get some tools to help with your anxiety and to notice when you first start to feel anxious. It may sound silly but taking time out to catch your breath and take some good, deep breaths in can make a big difference. It could also help to bring something small that brings you comfort (such as a small seashell or a rock) and keep it in your duffle bag during practice or in your pocket during school. Another helpful tool is making some notes for yourself that you have in your room that help lift your self-esteem. Statements like “I can do it,” “I am an important team member” can all help. Small things to reduce your anxiety and boost your self-esteem can go a long way. You can also call our 24-hour Support Line at (916)920-2952.
I don’t understand my own feelings. How can I fix this?
I’m sorry I know this is a hard question.
Thank you for contacting us with such an important question. Your question is an important one and not one that can be answered easily online but we can give it a try. There are four basic emotions – happy, mad, sad, and scared. It may be helpful to try to think of your feelings under those four emotions (instead of ecstatic, alone, furious, etc.) to see if it becomes easier to pinpoint how you feel in a given situation. It could also be helpful for you to speak with someone over the phone or in person about what is going on for you and other steps you can take to identify your emotions. It may be helpful to contact the teen hotline to talk with other teens who are peer counselors to get some ideas on ways they thing you can approach the situation. The number for the teen hotline is 1(800)852-8336 they also have a texting options. To text the teen line, text “TEEN” to 839863 between 5:30p-9:30pm to speak with a peer counselor. You are also welcome to call our 24- hour Support Line at (916)920-2952.
Would it be too weird if I asked my ex to come back, after 3 years since I broke up with him? We’ve been close friends for 2 years now, so I don’t have a problem talking to him. I was his first girlfriend, and he was my first boyfriend. He has had a few girlfriends since our break up, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want me back again, does it? ahh What should I do? :/ Thank you for taking the time to reach out as it sounds like you are feeling uncertain as to what to do regarding your ex. If you feel comfortable talking to him about whether or not he likes how things are now or if he would like to go back to dating that might be a good first step. If you are not comfortable with that it may be helpful to contact the teen hotline to talk with other teens who are peer counselors to get some ideas on ways they thing you can approach the situation. The number for the teen hotline is 1(800)852-8336 they also have a texting options. To text the teen line, text “TEEN” to 839863 between 5:30p-9:30pm to speak with a peer counselor. You are also welcome to call our Support Line at (916)920-2952.
I was sexually harassed/assaulted every day at school for 3 years. I
feel stupid, but I’m afraid of him. And I’m totally uncomfortable taking off
my sweatshirt when in class with him. I wanted to look into the free
counseling in my area but I don’t want to tell my mom. I know my school
called her and told her when I reported him a month ago but she never said
anything to me. I feel so weak and I don’t want to tell her I want help.
Plus, I don’t want to talk to her about how I feel and I know she’d tell me
to do that instead. She’s my only form of transportation, so I can’t do
anything without her knowing. I don’t know what to do. :/
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this and feeling alone. It takes a lot of courage to speak up and I commend you on not only reporting the assault but also on contacting us for support. Three years is a long time to experience assault and to see him every day at school must be really difficult. I am not sure if your school offers counseling services but that may be a good place to start as you would not need transportation to get to counseling. If you have already looked at that option, WEAVE does provide 8 free counseling sessions to survivors of sexual assault. It sounds like you are not sure if your mom would be able to bring you to your counseling sessions. If you would like, you are welcome to call us on our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916)920-2952. We can provide you with more referrals, information on receiving counseling at WEAVE, some tools to help you manage some of the anxiety you have at school, and provide you with support. Please know that although you may feel alone, you are not alone. We are here to help you.


When I was a child, another child assaulted me. I have dealt with it the best I can, and I am proud that I have worked through all the triggering and such. The problem is that I live in a small town and the person who assaulted me keeps popping up. The person went to the same High school as me, so I switched high schools. But like I said the town is
small and there have been various other incidents like that. I have become completely anxiety-ridden and I don’t feel safe in my own city. I feel as
When I was a child, another child assaulted me. I have dealt withit the best I can, and I am proud that I have worked through all the triggering and such. The problem is that I live in a small town and the person who assaulted me keeps popping up. The person went to the same High school as me, so I switched high schools. But like I said the town is
small and there have been various other incidents like that. I have become completely anxiety-ridden and I don’t feel safe in my own city. I feel as
though I should move to a new town or something, and that I can’t move on and be successful where I am now. Is moving a good idea? though I should move to a new town or something, and that I can’t move on and be successful where I am now. Is moving a good idea?

 

Thank you for reaching out to us to share your story and current challenges. It sounds like living in your current town is proving to be very difficult with your rapist there and that is understandable. A change of scenery may be good for you. It may be helpful to sit down and make a pro and con list for moving. Sometimes it can be helpful to make a decision when seeing what the pros and cons are on paper. You may also contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line that can provide you with support and be a sounding board for you while you review your options. It does not sound like it is an easy decision to make or an easy situation to be in. Hopefully by weighing the pros and cons and contacting our Support Line for information you will be able to make a decision that works best for you and your future goals.
Ok so im 16 and i dated this boy for about 6 months
He broke up with me about a month ago and said that it wasnt my fault it was his. but tomorrow hes going to the moives with this other girl to hook up with her. i love him so much and i get extreamley jelous when he talks to ther girls. what do i do to stop him from hooking up with this girl, i have no way to get in contact with him either to tell im how i feel :(
Break ups can be very difficult. In order to have healthy relationships it is important not to try and control the other person so instead of trying to stop him from hooking up it would be a healthier choice to try and find safe supportive people to talk to about your feelings. It is normal to have some of the feelings you’re having but it’s important to find a safe outlet for them. If you need a safe and confidential person to talk to WEAVE has a support line, the number is 916-920-2952.
Question:
Is my mom controlling? If I make a mistake, she yells at me until I cry(I just dropped a small empty garbage can down 5 or six steps is the most recent example). If I do something wrong she calls me an idiot She always says she’s way prettier and says “i should be jealous of her” She threatens to take my dad to court for things such as an hundred dollars for a medical bill Nobody can spend anything because *money is tight* yet she just bought a 50,000 dollar brand new pearly white mini van without my step dads permission. And an iPhone five. Se constantly goes on about how beautiful she is.
She put s GPS tracker on my phone She wouldn’t let me use her old iphone she was going to throw away until I gave her four hundred dollars in cash If I tell her something she needs at least one other person to verify it I have a 4.0 GPA and I still can’t be trusted.
I can’t get a job She constantly tells my step dad to “f off” if he can’t do something for her She constantly refuses to let my dad see me
I just don’t know if this is normal and I’m overreacting or not.
I definitely feel you have every right to have your feelings and it sounds like a very difficult situation. You may not be able to change your Mother’s behavior towards you but it is important that you have safe people to talk about your feelings regarding what’s going on. WEAVE does offer counseling (need parents permission). If you would like to talk with someone over the phone you are more than welcome to contact us. We have a 24 hour Support and Information Line. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.
I did not want the intercourse but i felt like if i really did not want it why did i put myself in that situation? Or why fawn over my rapist for days after… i thought i was friends with this guy. Just friends. Even though he called me a “whore” constantly and was always asking to have sex with me which i would always say no to but I’m not a very good person so i feel so guilty for it. And one time we went to his friend’s house to smoke weed (which i was okay with it) but after i was very stoned. And all of a sudden we were naked in some bathroom. I didn’t even remember how i got there but i did not want to be there. I just wanted to hangout and i was very uncomfortable but i didn’t physically object or verbally object. I was just in this dreamlike state. Like i wasn’t even present at that time. This happened three more times. If it was rape why did i keep going back to this guy? Why would i consider a guy who called me “whore” everyday a friend? Thank you for taking the time to write to us and share what you have been experiencing. You are asking a lot of really good questions. The situation and experiences you described do sound like sexual assault and that you were not in the frame of mind to consent to the sexual act. Sexual assault is a very difficult and often confusing experience and can be even more confusing when the person committing the crime says they are your “friend.” You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. It also sounds like this guy is not only physically and sexually abusive to you but verbally abusive as well. WEAVE offers free sexual assault counseling and if you would like to talk with someone in person or over the phone you are more than welcome to contact us. We have a 24 hour Support and Information Line as well as free triage counseling on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Again, you raise some very good and common questions regarding sexual assault and the challenges it raises when the perpetrator is known to you and is masking the sexual assault behind the veil of “friendship.” Him hurting you, calling you names, and assaulting you is not OK.

Are there any classes for my daughter and father who is very
controlling? She lives alone with him and is very stressed out.


I would like to find a way to help them learn to
communicate in a healthy way.Why does my family always think I’m rude or trying to fight with
them??? I never fight with anyone in school, I always help when I’m asked no
matter who its for, when you don’t ask my family I’m really fun and cool, and
yet… at home, my sisters and parents seem to constantly think I’m being
rude. I picked up my sister’s glasses off the counter so I can put my
computer there, and I get “DON’T TOUCH THAT!” “But I didn’t do anything.” And
then Mom walks in, “Get over here! What are you doing?!” “Nothing at all!
Seriously!”… That didn’t end well. And then one even stupider. I sit down,
read a book, set it down, and pretty much zone out. “Whatcha looking at?”
“Nothing” And yet again I get yelled at! What am I doing wrong? And why don’t
my parents notice that I really didn’t mean anything by it? And why do they
just keep yelling even though I pretty much every time end up crying? What am
I doing wrong??
Can 14 year old leave her home and live with her best friend if her parents scare her, she feels unsafe in her home, she has depression yet her father is canceling their counseling sessions, her mom threatened to choke her, and she has been hit/pushed about one time?

 

Thank you for your inquiry regarding groups for teenagers and their caretakers. Some schools offer counseling and group activities that may provide support and communication tools. It may be helpful to see if her school offers any counseling resources for teens and their guardians. She may also call the 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952 to get more information and support regarding healthy ways to cope with her stress and interact with him. The CA Youth Hotline is another great resource for teens and their number is 1(800)843-5200.

Thank you for taking the time to write and share what is going on with you at home. It sounds like you need some extra support regarding interactions that are going on at home. It may be helpful to call a teen support line. There are two hotlines that you can call and get support from that are specifically for teenagers. The CA Youth Hotline is 1(800)843-5200 and the Sutter Counseling Teen Hotline is (916)386-3620. You may also call our Information and Support Line at (916)920-2952.

I am not aware of the AZ laws so I can’t give advice regarding some of the things you have brought up. It’s never ok for someone to be abusive or violent with another person you can always call 911 when your or your friend is in a violent or dangerous situation. WEAVE does have a support and information line that is available 24/7. You can call that number for support, information or if you or your friend needs to create a safety plan. The number is 916-920-2952.

i am a 17 year old junior as of now i will be 18 in september and
will then be a senior next year. when school starts (in september as well). this year my dad, (who i lived with) and i both signed a piece of paper stating i will be moveing back to michigan with my grandparents and a judge granted them guardianship. i no longer talk to my dad and dont feel the need to either, however i do talk to my mom everyday does this mean i cant move out when im 18 and still in school next year? or will i have to go to court to ask and get permission from a judge ?
I am not a legal expert so I can’t give legal advice. I suggest speaking with a legal representative. If you need resources, referrals, or support WEAVE has a 24/7 support Line available at 916-920-2952.
Am i overweight and fat? I am 5′ 6″ and 108 pounds. I think it is common for most or all woman to question their weight at times and have to deal with body image issues. We live in a society that is inundated by images on advertisements/media/ magazines that tell us that beauty is a specific image that can be unobtainable for most. I encourage you to talk about these questions you’re having with a counselor medical doctor or anyone in your life who is a good support person for you. Here are a couple of other referrals of places you can call to get support: CA Youth Crisis Line 800-843-5200, and the Sutter Counseling Center Teen Hotline 916-386-3620. WEAVE also has a 24/7 support line at 920-2952 if you need to talk to someone.
One of my parents-the one I (in like 5 hours the one I used to live with) live with hit me,shoved me, AND threw 2 brushes, a blowdryer, screamed “if you don’t get out of my house right now…”, “I will kill you”, and they tried to through a ladder at me. I have to go live with my alcoholic parent now and my brother said that this parent was abusive. I don’t want to live with either of my parents but sadly I don’t have a choice It may seem like you don’t have any choices right now but I encourage you to talk to adults that you trust and let them know what’s going on. Maybe an adult at school or a relative or a friend’s parent. It’s great that you’re writing here and reaching out for help but here are a couple of referrals that can also help: You can always call the Police or Child Protective Services (916-875-5437) when you feel that the environment you are living in is not safe. Here is a couple of hotline numbers specifically for teens: CA Youth Crisis Line 800-843-5200, Diogenes/WIND Youth Services1-800-339-7177, and the Sutter Counseling Center Teen Hotline 916-386-3620. WEAVE also has a 24/7 support line at 920-2952. We are mandated reporters which mean that if you give us specific information about yourself and the abuse we have to make a report to CPS (just as a heads up). It is never ok for someone to threaten to abuse you or abuse you your options sounds really dangerous and my hopes are that the adults that you choose to talk to help make sure you’re in a safeplace.
I left my abusive marriage over 10 years ago, but our 2 teenage daughters are suffering psychological and verbal abuse. We have a legally binding 50/50 arrangement but what are my options? I cannot just turn a blind eye to what he is doing (no physical abuse, but verbal and manipulation/control/mind games). My oldest daughter is finally opening up to me and I know how hurt she feels inside. My middle daughter is played as the “good” child and the informant by her father, using the divide and conquer technique. Can you offer suggestions? Thank you for and help now, and for the help the first time around.
Mom J
I know it took a lot of courage to leave ten years ago and I’m sorry you are going through some of the same abuse still. I can’t give legal advice as I am not an expert in that area but I know that it is always a good idea to document (date/time/incident) any type of manipulation or verbal abuse. You can show this to a legal expert or attorney to see what legal options you have. Another option is calling CPS at 875-5437 to see if the abuse is reportable to them. It may be something they can investigate. As far as options to emotional recovery WEAVE has counseling available for you and/or your children. You can start counseling by going to our counseling triage. You can get the specific dates and times for triage by calling our support and information line at 920-2952. The support and information line also has a live counselor you can talk to for emotional support as well as information and resources the number again is 920-2952. I think it’s great that your daughter felt safe to open up to you. The more support and positive things you and your children have in your life the better. Thank you for reaching out for help you don’t have to go through this alone.

He’s cheated on me, lied to me, and humiliated me, but I still took
him back. For the first three months(though it is still true), I was 100% faithful and had not even thought of cheating on him, but he cheated on me. We broke up eventually and then he told me how important I am to him… Long story short, I took him back. Now, after almost 5 months, I think I have a crush on another guy. With my boyfriend, we’re both so busy and he’s normally so uninterested that we don’t spend much more time together than a couple of hours a week. When we do have time together he doesn’t seem to enjoy it too much but still claims he loves his time with me. Should I feel guilty? I haven’t acted on it or anything. It’s just not like me to have feelings for someone else.

Your feelings and confusion are completely normal. Part of being a teen is learning about relationships and focusing on building healthy relationships. You need to decide if your current relationship is healthy and positive for you. Only you can make this decision but always remember that you deserve to be happy and supported in the relationship.
From the summer going into 9th grade I truly started to question my sexuality. It wasn’t until December of my 10th grade year that I decided to come out to my best friend and my sister. The reason it really started in that summer is because I met my best friend. Before that I just thought my attraction to girls were just natural, but, sadly, I’m in love with her. It sucks. Our relationship had always been very jokingly “lesbian.” As in we joked around of being into each other, at least she was joking. Every time it got to that joking point I wanted to back out because I didn’t want her to know the truth that I was truly falling for her. When I decided to tell her last winter break, it was over Skype. Another plot-twist, she lives far away. So it’s not like i can do much about my feelings. Anyways, I know I love her and after I told her…I liked and said out “lesbian” jokes were just jokes. Since then it obviously hasn’t bee the same in that sense but she, along with my sister, are very supportive in helping me find out if I’m bisexual or just lesbian. I guess I should mention that she is also going through a very tough time in her life. She is depressed and her bulimia, even though it is being trreated, isn’t getting better. I miss her, and I was hoping to see if I’ll visit her over spring break. So…I guess my question is should I hold it in? It really is killing me not to tell her, she is my best friend and as far as I know straight. I know you get this a lot… “should I tell my straight best friend I love/have a crush on her?” But honestly I don’t think I can hold it in anymore. I don’t want to hurt her though, I know what she is going through and I went through depression myself, with suicidal thoughts not bulimia, during 7th & 8th grade. To tell you the truth she was the one that helped me through it just by being there. Anyways…I’m not asking for a straight answer if you feel you can’t give me one, just advice on my feelings, but most importantly what should I do to try to help her through this time? First, thank you for being brave enough to share with us and ask for help. It sounds like you are struggling with your own identity as well as how you want to define your friendship. Relationships can be challenging even when we don’t have other factors influencing them. I’m hearing that, not only are you going through a lot, but your best friend is also which may be adding to the challenges. Being there for someone who is struggling can be difficult especially when you love them and want the best for them. Deciding whether you want to remain friends or share your feelings with her will be a difficult choice. That is not a choice you have to make alone, as there are many counselors and resources that can help you decide how to move forward. You are right that there is not a straight answer as the answer will depend on what you are comfortable with and what you feel is best for both of you. You mentioned having suicidal thoughts in the past and that your friend was there for you . It sounds like you have a very strong friendship. If you are in a place again where you have suicidal thoughts I want to encourage you to reach out for help and talk to someone, like you did by writing to us today. The National Suicide Hotline is a free, confidential and nonjudgmental support system that you can access anytime by calling 800.273.8255. California also has a youth crisis line that you can call anytime for support or if you have questions. They are also a confidential and nonjudgmental resource you can use anytime by calling 800.843.5200. Calling a counselor can also help you learn ways to support your friend through her struggles and decide if you are ready to share your feelings with her. Phone counselors may also be able to help you locate resources where she lives that she can access for further help.
I am currently 17 and pregnant, living with my mom. The other night she attacked me and because I bit her trying to get away I almost got arrested. My question is how can I legally het out of there permanently? Living with violence, of any form, can take a large toll on us emotionally. You may find it useful to speak to counselor, either on the phone or in person, for resources and support. A counselor can help you determine your best options and establish a safety plan should violence occur again. You can reach a WEAVE phone counselor anytime by calling our 24 hour support and information hotline at 916.920.2952. You may also speak to a legal advocate/attorney, in person, about your options and next steps. WEAVE offers free legal triage at two locations for convenience. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Our Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823) offers triage on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
I’m 13 years old, & I’ve never taken dance lessons, but I want to. Is it too late? Will it be too hard for me to learn & be able to keep up? It is never too late to learn something new. As we age we evolve and our goals evolve with us. You may find it helpful to share your concerns with your dance instructors and follow any specialized advice they may have. If you would like to speak with a counselor about your concerns you may call 800.843.5200 to reach the California Youth Crisis Line for free and confidential support.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year and I got into a university across the country. It is my first pick. If I go she will move back to new zealand with her family. Me and her have been through so much and never broke up, even after me constantly lying to her. If I stayed and went to a lesser college for one year and than transferred to a better one (SFU) we could move in together and her parents would leave to new zealand here. Me and her will never break up, unless I left. Should I stay or go? We have been through so much together and could be together forever but i’m not sure what decision to make. I love her so much!! Balancing the goals of a relationship alongside our personal goals can be very difficult at any age. Planning for the future is never easy and should always include thoughts about what will ultimately be the best choice. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about the obstacles you are facing. It sounds like this decision could greatly impact your choices. A counselor can provide confidential support to help you decide which goals to follow. You can speak to a confidential phone counselor anytime by calling the california youth crisis line at 800.843.5200.
My bestfriend and I have become really close over the past year she knows I have feelings for her but she doesn’t know what she wants. The bond we share is indescribable. How can I umm how do I say it, win her over? She is super complicated and sometimes I feel as if she plays with my emotions. Honesty, communication and respect are important parts of a healthy relationship. You may find it useful to have a conversation with your friend and let her know how you are feeling. Not just your romantic feelings but also that you feel she may be playing games. For ideas about starting a conversation or ways you can safely share you feelings you can call our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line. A confidential phone counselor can help you determine your best options. This anonymous line can be reached by calling 800.843.5200
Please help me! I seriously need help. Ok so me and my boyfriend had unprotected sex on my ovulation date, he pulled out (edited for content and length). my period was due the 22nd and I haven’t gotten my period. It is already the 26th…I’m really scared that I’m pregnant, I been stressing myself out over it, I took 2 pregnancy tests they both came negative.. WEAVE is not a medical provider and cannot provide medical advice. Based on the information you provided, you should be seen by a medical professional. WEAVE’s 24 Hour support and information line can refer you to free and confidential medical support. You can reach a phone counselor by calling 916.920.2952
my dad fights with his girlfriend EVERY time I am at his house. Once he kicked a door in, and he calls her the b-word every week. she cries all the time. I stay one week with my dad and one week with my mom. I go to counseling but I can’t talk because my dad will find out what I say, and i already told them that my dad gave me an indian burn, hurt the girlfriend once, and yells at me all the time. My mom used your business to leave my dad years ago, but he shares custody of me. I hate him and I don’t want to be here anymore but i’m afraid if my mom goes to court he will get angry. I don’t want to go back. Can I refuse to go back. (Edited for content) First I want to let you know how brave you are for asking for help. Please know that the abuse you are witnessing and experiencing is not your fault. While you cannot control this situation your mom does have options and resources to help. Your mom can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line, at 916.319.4907, to get more information about our Legal Services. You may also find it helpful to speak to a confidential phone counselor at the California Youth Crisis Line. This anonymous line can be reached by calling 800.843.5200
Is it normal to have felt depressed for more than 5 years? age 11-16, and still feel depressed? Depression can be a serious condition. You may find it useful to speak to a mental health professional about how you are feeling. This can help you determine the cause for your depression and learn ways to cope with these feelings. You may speak to a confidential and compassionate counselor anytime by calling the California Youth Crisis Line at 800.843.5200
There is this guy I liked
for a long time since like September . (Editted for length & content) I asked my friend if she would come with me to the restroom and she asked him if he wanted to go (keep in mind I’m not out yet ) we went to the restroom and I kept hearing my stall
shake but he was asking if he could come in. I opened the stall and he tried making
out with me and I pushed away cause I knew my friends were outside and I
could not let them find out. Now they’re mad at each other and I really wanted to get to know him . Should I add him on FB Instagram or
???
Teen relationships are hard and this can be complicated when you are trying to get to know someone while still being rightfully protective of who you choose to share your sexual identity with. Wanting to get to know someone you are attracted to is fine and should not require the approval of others but please be careful about the use of alcohol as it clouds judgement and you may make decisions you would not make sober.
I would not actively commit suicide, but I would not prevent my own
death were something to happen. For example, I would not jump out of the way
if a car skid out of control towards me. Does that still make me suicidal?
While you may not be actively contemplating hurting yourself, your awareness of not wanting to keep yourself from harm is a concern. Please reach out to a trusted adult and share your feelings to ensure you have a support system. You may wish to call the California Youth Crisis Line and speak to a confidential counselor about your concerns. You can reach a counselor 24/7 by calling 800.843.5200
I made a prank call to a girl who slept with my boyfriend I didn’t harrase her or anything just called her a slut and hung up I did this twice withing about 2 weeks of eachother. She went to the police the second time and she must have thought it was my boyfriend because the police called him telling him to stop. I’m really worried I’m going to get caught now will the police continue looing into this and find me or will they leave it now? I had my number on private. I have learnt my lesson and will not do this again I just hope that its all dropped now do u have any advice on this do you thing the police will continue looking into it and track me down? Please I am so scared I regret it so much. It is important to remember that all actions carry consequences. It sounds like you were angry about the situation and used the phone calls as an outlet for that anger. It is also important to learn healthy ways to cope with emotions, like anger. Speaking to a counselor may help you to find healthy ways to manage emotions and move forward. You may wish to call the California Youth Crisis Line and speak to a confidential counselor about your concerns. You can reach a counselor 24/7 by calling 800.843.5200

A 21 year old male and an 18 year old female plan have sex and plan to use protection. What’re the odds of her getting pregnant if they only use a condom? Can they depend on just the condom or is the combination a condom and contraceptive pill a better choice? And when and how is the pill taken?

WEAVE’s services focus on healthy relationships and supporting survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking. We applaud your decision to be thoughtful and to protect yourselves but WEAVE is not a medical provider and cannot provide medical advice regarding the effectiveness of contraception. Please contact a reproductive health professional.

Last year my (female) friend met a guy online and sent nude
pictures of herself to him. She has also sent other men online nude videos and pictures. When her parents found out, she became depressed and started choking herself with her hands. She has told me and him that she is still choking herself. She has also told me that she thinks about killing people or herself. I’m going to speak to a guidance counselor in a few days about her but I’m not sure. I don’t want her to hate me or to start drama, but we’re concerned and don’t want her to kill herself or anyone else. I could also tell my friend’s mother/have my mom talk to her mom, but apparently my friend’s mom dislikes me and I have a feeling she won’t listen. What should I do? Should I talk to the guidance counselor, should I tell her mom, should I wait it out?

Please tell a guidance counselor as soon as possible. Your friend’s behavior is not safe and she is at risk. Telling a guidance counselor will ensure an adult knows about the situation, will take it seriously, and can take action to get your friend the help she needs. You are being a good friend and doing the right thing by getting her help.
I created an account on hotornot.com to see what people responded about a picture of mine, using an email id which i deactived, gave gake name etc. After getting weird visits and messages from guys lol, I was assured and deleted the acc. IS IT SAFE as I did not delete my profile picture before deleting the account! I hope the site won’t access/allow users too access my photo for harassing me?! We should always use caution with the information we post and share on the internet as safety cannot always be guaranteed. When we post photos and personal details on a website we often give up control of the image and the content we’ve posted. Many websites will share their privacy practices and these should be consulted prior to posting content.
Can weave help a homeless teen find a place to stay and find work? WEAVE’s services are primarly for survivors of domestic violence, dating violence and sexual assault. Our friends at WIND Youth Services offer many services for homeless and runaway teens. WIND advocates can be reached by calling 916.369.5447 or stopping by the center located at 701 Dixieanne AVE in Sacramento.
Hello. I’m 15 years old and have had sex once unprotected but I finished with a condom. (edited for content) I’ve done lots of research because I’m scared I thinkg I could have hpv or just normal puberty as some sites said. But I just want to know if you think it can be an std help me please. WEAVE is not a medical provider and cannot provide medical advice. Based on the information you provided, you should be seen by a medical professional.
My boy friend wants me to convert to become a Mormon and I’m not comfortable with that and I don’t want to disappoint him. What should I do? In a healthy relationship you should never feel pressured to do something you are uncomfortable with. It is important to remember that choosing the right path for you should not disappoint your boyfriend. You may find it helpful to speak to someone about your situation and how you are feeling. Our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line are available 24/7 to offer confidential support. You can reach them today by calling 800.843.5200
Hi, im a 15 yr old guy and my best friend is 14. She is determined to run away from home due to stress at both her homes. She is a very spirited and stubborn girl. I have tried everything to make her stay but I cant. This is something thats very surprising because i’m the only person she listens to and actually wants to know the opinion of. I told her I can’t make her stay, but to at least stay until I can help her. I really don’t want her to go but I know there is now way I can make her stay and if I can’t i at least want her to have a safe place to stay. Does WEAVE have a program for runaway teens to stay? Thank you for reaching out and helping your friend. It sounds like she is dealing with a lot at home and feels that running away is her only option. It is important to be there for her but please remember that you cannot take responsibility for her actions. She may not feel comfortable speaking to her parents, but finding an adult she trusts to talk to may be helpful. This can help her discover ways to cope with what is happening at home and find solutions for the stress she is experiencing. A trusted adult can be a teacher, a counselor, an aunt/uncle or even a neighbor. She may also feel more comfortable speaking to a counselor on the phone by calling the California Youth Crisis Line at 800.843.5200. This can help her feel supported and find resources. You may also call and speak to a counselor to help find more ways to support her.
I am 20 years old girl. I am starting to think that I am not normal and that is affecting my life. I know that I am beautiful, a lot of people are noticing that, I know that I can be very outgoing and fearless when I want to, I try reaching my goals and have high moral standards, I am aware whats happening in life..but I just don’t like myself, sometimes I even hate things that I say or do, how I react to things, just wishing I was somebody else. I have NEVER let someone close to me, always pushing wonderful people away. Sometimes I feel like I am different in every situation and don’t know myself. I just feel like I don’t get something and find that one person looks so unreal. That fear of being alone…maybe it seems not a big problem, but it really is its completely taken my motivation and is ruining me in very bad ways…I just want to hear an honest opinion. (edited for length) Relationships can be very complicated and often involve emotions that are difficult to control. Feeling comfortable sharing those emotions with another person can be scary and difficult to balance. It is important to remember that what you are experiencing is normal. Opening our lives, experiences and emotions to another person can be a very scary thing at any age. Talking to someone about how you are feeling may help you to better understand and manage your emotions. Learning to cope with our own emotions can make it easier to open ourselves up to new possibilities. Caring, compassionate and confidential phone counselors are available to help 24/7 and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.
When should I be concerned if I am not having depression? There are days that I don’t even get up, have no motivation to do something and feel sad for myself, and sometimes when I get over that I am very outgoing, I guess that most people around me don’t know that because I am usually find around people. What can be wrong with me? Depression can be a serious condition, even if we do not experience it all the time. Speaking to a mental health professional can help you determine the cause of your depression and learn ways to manage your symptoms. You may also speak to a trusted adult, teacher, school counselor or your parents if you are comfortable. Our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line are also here for you with 24/7, confidential help. You can reach a counselor by calling 800.843.5200
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years now. He’s been lying to me since we been together. He always tells me what to do and I do what he tells me. I’ve been trying to do the same to him but he wouldn’t do a thing I say. I gave him so many chances. He told me he would change but he never did. He’s just getting worse. I’ve been using some tips from the internet on how to make him/er understand but it didn’t work. He started to accuse me and ignore my calls and text messages. He always make lies to me to believe that he was busy but I found out the truth. I feel like I am getting used. The only time he’ll call is when he’s bored and the only time he talks nicely to me is when he wants something from me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to leave him a lot of times but I couldn’t because I love him and I still want to be with him. I’ve cut myself a lot of times just to feel better but it only lasts for a while. I don’t know what to do anymore. Relationships can be complicated at any age as we are often experiencing very complex emotions. When we love someone, no matter what age we are, we want to try to make things work. In a healthy relationship both people are working together towards this goal through trust, communication and understanding. It sounds like you may be contributing more to this relationship than your boyfriend. Please know that you are not responsible for his actions and that nothing he does is your fault. It can be hard to let go of someone you love, but you have to remember to take care of yourself as well. Cutting is used by many teens as a coping skill to help relieve that complex emotional pain. I want to commend you for recognizing that this relief is only temporary. The reason you only feel better for a while is that cutting doesn’t make the pain go away it only masks it for a short time. Cutting can also be very dangerous and more harmful than the emotions you are feeling. Talking to someone, like a counselor, can help you process your emotions in healthy ways. You can talk to a confidential counselor on the phone or in person about your feelings and learn ways to cope. If you are comfortable speaking to someone on the phone you may call The California Youth Crisis Line at 800.843.5200. WEAVE also offers in person counseling if you prefer speaking to someone face to face. he first step in accessing WEAVE’s counseling services is to attend a free triage session during walk in hours at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm – 7pm. Our Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823) offers triage on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
Just recently my ex-partner and my 2 weeks old daughter moved out, im having a hard time coping without her being around and am getting the urge to cry, I’m used to the crying and waking up at night i miss it, i miss her, I don’t know how to cope and could really use some help. The loss of a relationship can be very difficult and it sounds like you are dealing with very complex emotions. It is normal to miss your daughter and to be upset. You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about how you are feeling. This can help you learn ways to cope with this situation and begin to heal. Our phone counselors are available 24/7 and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
Im in eight grade and I find that because of my depression (from a breakup) I am annoying people around me. I want to seclude myself from everyone because of that. Im extremely sensitive so when my “friend” says negative things for real or as a joke, it really hurts. I told her that but she turns that into a joke too. She told people that I was pregnant as a joke but a few months ago I thought I was and I accidentally told her. She still makes jokes about it and I really want to hurt her every time she says that. Things like this happen all the time to me. Im the bud of people’s jokes. For these reasons and more I want to just not talk to anyone again.

Managing intense emotions and dealing with depression can be challenging at any age. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and I want to commend you for reaching out. If you feel you may hurt yourself or someone else, it’s important you reach out to someone who can help you get support. You may find it helpful to speak to an adult or a counselor about what you are feeling. A counselor can help you with your depression and help you heal. The California Youth Crisis Line has confidential phone counselors who are available to help 24/7. You can reach a counselor by calling 800-843-5200.

Can I ask a girl out to prom/homecoming, whatever, even if we are from different high schools? It sounds like you want to ask a girl but aren’t sure whether it is allowed. Each school may have different rules or guidelines when it comes to activities like dances. You may wish to check with your school first to verify that they allow students from other schools to attend dances.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years and I’m a freshman in college and he’s a senior in high school. He is going to graduate this spring and I’ve been thinking about it lately…He came to my graduation party last year, but we barely talked and he wasn’t there very long. But he also didn’t give me a gift or even a card. He also didn’t want to come hang out after with just my family and I. I think we were in a rough spot in our relationship and we even broke up that night because he said he wanted some space. We got back together a couple days later and have definitely grown since then. My question is. should I forgive and forget? My natural instinct is to do exactly what he did to me so he knows how I felt. But I know that probably isn’t the right thing to do…what should I do? (edited for length) Healthy relationships include trust, communication and honesty. Part of communication is sharing feelings in a constructive way. It sounds like you may still be upset about incidents that took place in the past. Speaking to your partner about your feelings may help you to resolve them and move forward. You may also find it useful to speak to a counselor about your relationship. This can help you determine the best course of action. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on WEAVE’s Support and Information Hotline by calling 916.920.2952.
My parents are Christian and a little strict. I cant cut my hair (that includes trimming) or dye it. I can’t wear nail polish, make-up, pants or skirts that are above my knees. The way I dress is not how I want to dress. Im kinda sick of being told what I can and cant wear. I don’t know what to do about it. I want to dye my hair and get a haircut. I want to be able to wear pants and nail polish. I know it sounds silly but this is starting to drive me crazy. Following rules is a part of life that will always be consistent. The rules will change, as will the circumstances, but the choices we make will always be influenced by rules; even some that we may not agree with. When we are growing up our parents set the rules based on what they feel is the best choice for our futures. Once we are grown up we can modify those rules in some ways but we’ll also have a new world of responsibility to adjust to. All relationships, even with family, require trust and open communication in order to be successful. You might find it useful to speak with your parents to see if you can find a middle ground or set up a system where you can work towards rewards like haircuts or nail polish. WEAVE knows that speaking to your parents can be difficult, which is why our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line are here to help you brainstorm topics and decide the best way to approach the subject. Their 24 Hour, confidential, hotline can be reached by calling 800.843.5200.
Hi. I’m 14 and I have been going through a lot lately and to take my mind off I cut myself. I have tried other things but nothing else seems to work. I have been to 3 school counselors, my previous pastor, my parents, older sister, one of my teachers and many of my friends. I try all of their suggestions but nothing is helping. My only boyfriend (now my ex) found out about it and until recently, made jokes about it which just me me cut more. I have seen so many people about it and I appreciate their advice but nothing is helping. First, I want to commend you for reaching out for help. I know it can be frustrating especially when you have sought help before that may not have worked for you. Managing our lives and dealing with strong emotions can be difficult at any age, but especially when we are young and still learning how to cope. Coping skills are behaviors that “kick in” when we feel stressed or overwhelmed by a situation. It sounds like you may be using cutting as a way to cope with the pressures you are facing. You are not alone. Many teens who cut do so in order to gain relief from negative feelings. This relief is short term as it masks the symptoms but does not relieve the underlying problems. It is important to identify which feelings and situations will trigger this response. Many people are unsure of why they cut or what is triggering this coping mechanism, this is where the advice of a mental health professional can be helpful. Speaking to a mental health professional can help you determine the cause, learn healthy ways to process the emotions and cope with stressful situations. You may find it helpful to speak to a crisis counselor at the California Youth Crisis Line, a resource that can be reached by calling 800.843.5200. WEAVE also offers community counseling services available to help at sliding scale fees. The first step in accessing WEAVE’s counseling services is to attend a free triage session during walk in hours at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm – 7pm. Our Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823) offers triage on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
I’m thirteen and this all started when I was about ten. All my life, I’ve been home-schooled, and in the fifth grade when I was ten…Everything changed. Started going to public school – big change- but I was soooo excited about it. New place, new people. But I was crushed..I was severly bullied. I started cutting and I looked in the bathroom mirror thinking “wow, you’re fat!” I started starving myself. (edited for length/content) I guess I’m asking you…Do I have to diet? What can I do to stop the bullying? I have talked to adults but they done nothing. Was pulled out of school last year…but it still happens. Thank you for reading, any help is kindly accepted. It sounds like you are dealing with conflicted feelings about your body image and self esteem. Bullying can cause emotional harm, but you are not alone and help is available. If you need to talk with someone about your feelings, the California Youth Crisis Line is a resource for you and they can be reached at 800.843.5200
Ok so im a straight girl and i was dating this guy for about six weeks but he dumped me about three months ago. I have been struggling with depression ever since. I met this guy two grades higher than me who has been trying his best to help me get through. I’ve seen him three times but we text alot. I really like him but he’s 100% gay. I think if I keep talking to him, its just going to hurt me more because i know he doesn’t like me that and proably never will. People say im weird and wrong for liking him. Am i? What should i do? Relationships are difficult to balance at any age, but especially so when we are young and still learning. Struggling with feelings like depression when a relationship ends is normal. Please know that you are not alone and help is available. Developing feelings for your friend is also normal, as he is supporting you through a difficult time. While the feelings you are experiencing are normal it is also important to establish boundaries with your friendship. A healthy relationship, whether romantic or not, should consist of mutual trust and respect. You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about how you are feeling. This can also help you develop coping skills and set boundaries in your healing. WEAVE’s counselors can be reached 24/7 by calling our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You may also wish to speak to our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line at 800.843.5200 for support.

My male friend cut me off completely and I have no idea why can anyone help me out? So i have this friend and he suddenly stopped talking to me he avoids me at school and won’t respond to any of my text and I have no idea why but I’m extremely hurt. So I’ve liked this guy for the past four years but for the first two he had no clue. The third year we finally talked about it and he told me that he has a problem and we can’t date but he wouldn’t tell me the problem. My best friend later talked to him and told me he said that he had habits and a bad lifestyle and he respects me too much to pull my into it. I don’t know if I buy it but I delt with it and we continued to be friends. This fourth year we got closer then we ever were talking everyday, walking to our lockers and class together (I’m 17 & in high school) and often he was the last person I talked to each night and I’m sure I was the last he talked to. So as we got closer I began to like him even more and I felt that he liked me too but we suck at communication. Then suddenly it all stopped he doesn’t even come to lunch anymore and he won’t respond I any of my messages not even Merry Christmas even though he responded to several of my friends. I’m really hurt and I want to say sorry for what I did wrong but I don’t remember doing anything and I hate that he pushed me off. He’s the first guy I’ve ever cried over and I’m a very level headed girl but I just can’t figure him out. Can someone please try to help me at least. I know I need to talk to him but that’s hard with him ignoring me and get way too nervous around him to ask what I need to know. I can’t believe I still get so nervous after being friends with him for so long. We’re so different but.. It’s hard to explain hopefully you guys can help me from that information.

Relationships are challenging at any age and rejection hurts. We can’t explain why your friend has cut you off but encourage you to not blame yourself for his actions – he controls how he is going to respond to any situation and blaming yourself makes you responsible for his actions which you are not. If you have reached out and been honest, you have taken the steps you need to and it’s up to him to decide how to respond. Try to focus on being the strong and level-headed person you are and when he is ready to talk focus on being open and honest – any relationship (friendship or dating) needs to be rooted in healthy communication and respect. You deserve this.

Ok so i hang out with this girl and her boyfriend. she is 16. well her boyfriend has an older brother who is 38. he looks at her in about the same way her boyfriend does, and im not sure if i should be worried. i know they dont have a relationship, she wouldnt do that, but its just that he seems to flirt with her and it makes me uncomfortable. do you think it is something to be worried about? i have talked to her and her boyfriend about it and they dont seem to be worried, the older brother is a bit of a child at heart, plays with legos and such, but still i dont know how to feel about it. subject. i just dont know if i should be more concerned than i am

When a situation feels uncomfortable, there’s normally a good reason – even if you can’t quite explain why. A 38 year old man should not be flirting with a teenager. You’ve told your friend that the older brother’s behavior does not feel appropriate and brought it to her attention – this is good. You’ve shown her you are concerned for her and can be a supportive person if the situation changes.

Hi a good friend of mine is a teenager, the same age as me. Well actually she “was” my girlfriend and we broke up today. She wasnt being open with me and was hiding her problems from me and I hated that. Today after explaining to her how much I truly care for her, she explained all her problems. She explained how she has bruises on her face because he dad hit her and the reason was because she didnt take her medicine. She also showed me pictures of her cutting her hand, and I saw the blood. She also said how she is going to be leaving me in a week or so. I asked why and I was shocked. She said it was because her dad wants her to go to India and study there for a year. Shes in the middle of highschool and we just started dating, I feel so helpless. She also said that her dad is not very nice with her and that he doesnt care about her. She says that he doesnt even treat her like a daughter. She “was” my girlfriend, but I really care for her still, and I want to know what options are available. Can she be stopped from going to India? Can she be provided better parents? Who should I contact? Is it possible that her passport gets suspended or something and she gets denied not to go to India? Her dad just bought tickets today for India. She doesnt want to go by her will. She wants to remain an American Citizen and continue her education and life in America with both her parents.

As a minor, your friend is under the care of her parents and while sending her away does not sound like what she wants, her options are limited unless she reports the abuse. If your friend is being abused by her father, she can tell a trusted adult like a teacher who would report the abuse or she could could choose to report the abuse herself to Child Protective Services for her safety. There is no guarantee that an investigation would result in her being removed from her home. She is lucky to have you as a friend and supportive person – you may need support as well. You may want to talk with the California Youth Crisis Line at 800.843.5200 for support.

I feel so on edge. I can’t get this anger out of my system, and when I’m not she-hulk, I just feel un-easey. Like I’m waiting for my impending judgement. I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable around anyone, and that includes myself. All these pre-judging people who just presume my life is just some boring straight line becauase I’m quiet around them, like different things and don’t throw house partys, they know nothing about me. About my brain, I have the feeling that one of these days I’ll wake up and find myself in a mental hospital. And I’m not actually joking. My brain is just so messed up at the minute, I don’t know what to do. I start to shout at people before I realise what I’m doing, I just get really angry at the smallest of things and I can’t prevent it. No one will calm me down because they think it is entertaining and then they just ‘congratulate’ me for screaming in some one’s face. I’m worried what this might develop into, whether I actually will cause some one pain. I just… I wish I had some way of keeping my distance. From everyone. I also constantly feel like I’m in captivity. Like this world is just a cage and I’m trapped. People say the sky’s the limit; and that’s the problem. I know I’m selfish, taking this world for granted, but there’s a whole i my heart that can not be filled by this Earth, by this life. I’m in a prison with no bars, no enclosing barriers of which to see, but I can feel it.. What do I do?

It sounds like you are struggling with some very strong emotions and a sense of helplessness. If you feel you may hurt yourself or someone else, it’s important you reach out to someone who can help you get support. If you are not comfortable talking with your parents about this, please seek out a trusted adult at your school. If you need to talk with someone about your feelings, the California Youth Crisis Line is a resource for you and they can be reached at 800.843.5200.
I was born here in California but moved to Texas when i was 8 and lived there for 10 years (teen years) now im 17 and im back to living in California where my moms family and dads family lives. I have one older brother but we havent talked in 2 1/2 years already due to our bumpy road in the past. I have a little sister but shes young and our relationship isnt turning out how i would like it to. My parents and i have an okay
relationship we just arent close as a family. Although i have a lot of family here i feel like i have no one to talk to and its my senior year im
graduating with people i dont know. I left my all my close friends, my house, my boyfriend, and i feel like my whole life. Its been really hard on me these past few months to the point where i want to leave and go back but i cant and just cry. I knew i wasnt going to adjust to the change fast but its just taking longer than i expected and i feel alone. I feel like i need something to keep myself busy or just to talk to someone but i dont know what. I just
feel so stressed and overwhelmed with this big move.
Moving and leaving friends behind can be stressful and an adjustment at any age. The feelings you are experiencing are completely normal and I want to commend you for being so brave and reaching out for help. While life events, like moving, can be overwhelming they can also be an opportunity to explore new areas of interest and new groups. There are many activities you can engage in to meet new people and support to help you get through this adjustment period. You may find it helpful to contact our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line for support and to brainstorm your options. You can reach their confidential line by calling 800.843.5200
If someone you had been crushing on, for 9 years now, finally starts showing you the attention youve been wanting. But, he is in jail..And also your bestfriends brother. I’m 18, hes 22. Should I go for it? Choosing relationships can be difficult at any age, especially so when we are young and still discovering the right paths for our lives. Deciding what you want from and what you can contribute to a new relationship is an important first step. A healthy relationship is a balance of trust, respect, communication and a mutual understanding of each other’s needs. In order for a relationship to thrive both parties must be equally invested in the success of relationship. If you feel this is a relationship worth pursuing it would be wise to have a conversation about what you both want and what you can both contribute. It is also important to remember the limitations that his current situation may present for you both moving forward. While a relationship is about two people, it is also important to make sure you are mindful of your personal safety and choices separate from that relationship as well. You may find it helpful to speak with a phone counselor about how you are feeling and any concerns you have. WEAVE’s counselors are available 24 hours a day on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.
So here’s the thing. I’m a girl. Me and my friends were having a Skype group chat and someone added this guy. Since then me and him have been talking a lot. I told some girls about it and one girl said he was off limits, because apparently they dated. So I asked him and he said they didn’t. Some time ago he commented on my picture saying I’m hot, I said I’ll take it as a compliment, and then the friend called him an name (edited for content) Late she messages me to stop and tells me again that he’s off limits. I asked her is it because they ‘dated’ or because she likes him. She didn’t get the message yet. Tomorrow I’m seeing her at school so what should I do? And should I tell the guy? She’s one of my good friends, but I really like this guy. I know this is typical teenage drama, but I’d appreciate advice. Honesty, respect and trust are important elements for both our romantic relationships and our friendships. Balancing these relationships, in a healthy way, can be difficult at any stage of life. Part of this balance is making sure to treat the people in our lives with respect, but also that the respect is mutual. If you are interested in a romantic relationship it is important to decide if you like this person enough to risk a friendship. You may find it helpful to contact our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line for support and to brainstorm your options. You can reach their confidential line by calling 800.843.5200
My friend had a past drug usage. It was a one time thing, it was just peer pressure. But then she hung out with the wrong people again and is drinking alchohaul(she’s only 13) what should I do? Watching a friend go down a dangerous path can be very difficult and I want to commend you for seeking help. The most important thing you can do for your friend is listen and let her know that you are concerned about her safety. Another important step is to share resources with her that she can utilize. You may find it helpful to call the California Youth Crisis Line for support and to learn ways you can support her. This is a confidential hotline and can be reached by calling 800.843.5200. If you feel that your friend’s life is in danger, or that she may be hurt, it is important to protect her by telling a responsible adult. Thank you for being there for her and for reaching out for help.
So I met this guy a couple months ago that I really like. And he’s one of the coolest, sweetest guys I have ever met! But last night I was texting him and out of the blue he was really upset and told me that he never wanted to talk to me ever again. He deleted me as a friend on facebook and told me to delete his number from my phone. It was clearly something I did but he wouldn’t tell me. And I never said anything rude to him so I just really don’t get it. He hasn’t talked to me since and I don’t know what to do because I care so much about him and I can’t stand losing him. I would ask my parents for help but they already don’t like him and I don’t want them to hate him even more for this. It’s just really hard because we had something really special and now he really hates me. I don’t know how I can convince him to still talk to me. Relationships are difficult at any age, but especially when we are young and still discovering how to be comfortable as ourselves. Healthy relationships are based on respect, mutual communication, trust and working together towards a common goal. In order for a relationship to thrive both partners have to be willing to put in equal effort. It sound like this situation is difficult to speak with your parents about, but you may find it helpful to speak to another adult you trust (aunt, mentor, teacher, school counselor). You may also contact our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line for support. This is a confidential hotline and can be reached by calling 800.843.5200

Last year, one of my good friends asked me out but I turned him down. We agreed to stay friends and we were still close and everything when school started up again this year. Sometimes though, when it’s just the two of us, he starts acting weird and makes jokes about us getting together, most of them sexual. I always laugh it off, but lately it’s becoming uncomfortable. He keeps getting handsy and I really hate overt physical contact, but he’s normally a great guy and I don’t know how to make him stop
without losing him as a friend (and as the person I DO feel comfortable around, when he’s not always trying something.) I don’t want to hurt him by just telling him to screw off; he’s had some issues with rejection in the past. How do I get him to back off without losing his friendship? He (along with the rest of my close friends) knows I don’t like people touching me, and sometimes I do tell him to cut it out, but he starts it up again not ten minutes later. Is this assault, or am I just awful at conveying the right message? One of my friends once told me I was leading him on by staying friends with him, but I don’t think things like dating and rejection should be allowed to ruin a friendship

It is important to remember that any type of physical touching, especially sexual in nature, has to be consented to by both parties involved. If another person is making you uncomfortable and then continues to do so after you have asked them to stop it is a clear indication that they are not respecting your boundaries. It is absolutely not your fault that this is happening but it is important to set very clear expectations of your friendship and to reevaluate that friendship if the behavior continues. It may be a good idea to arrange for another friend to always be present when you are together and when you speak to him about stopping the behavior. It may be useful for you to speak to a counselor about what is happening and to brainstorm the appropriate next steps. Phone counselors are available on WEAVE’s 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952 to listen and to help.
Could I be pregnant when I haven’t missed a period yet and I havetaken a home pregnancy test? I had unprotected sex August and now it’s October. I
have had two periods since then and I’m on birth control but I miss a few days. I took a home pregnancy test when 10 weeks after I had sex.
WEAVE’s primary purpose is to provide services for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. WEAVE cannot provide medical advice. Any time you have unprotected sex, there is a risk of pregnancy. While the presence or absence of a period is a primary indicator of whether or not you are pregnant and over the counter pregnancy kits are typically reliable, the only way to confirm you are not pregnant is through a medical appointment. If you believe you may be pregnant, please consult a health care provider. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to receive referrals to clinics.
Could I be pregnant :’( 1. While having protected sex, the condom broke, we quickly changed it and continued on. 2. I got my period for a full week THE NEXT DAY. 3. My periods never come exactly one month apart. 4. I am 18 and have had my period since I was 13. 5. I am not on birth control. 6. I have NOT had sex since my last period. Wouldn’t my last period have flushed any possible sperm out of my body? I tend to get very stressed over these things and I believe that pushes off my
period even more, but I am really scared this time and do not know who to talk to. Thank you so much.
Anytime we engage in male/female sexual intercourse pregnancy is a possibility. If you used protection, and replaced it after breaking, then it sounds like you took all of the necessary precautions. Stress can have an impact on your menstrual cycle, however if you are concerned about pregnancy it is best to make an appointment with your health care provider. While WEAVE’s services do not include teen pregnancy, our friends at the Californa Youth Crisis Line can support and help you. Their number is 1.800.843.5200
ive done something really stupid. i got into my friends ’skype’ acount and i changed her details. we all do it to each other as a joke, but shes really upset about it and now i’ve lost two of my closest friends because of it. we’re goinng on camp next week but im scared that all my friends are going to reject me, even though some of them say that what i did isnt as bad as my friend is making it out to be. im so scared im going to be alone for the rest of my school life. ive tried apologizing but she’s still mad at me. i understand her point but im scared that things aren’t going to get fixed, as much as i want them to be. Making mistakes and learning how to make up for them are both normal life experiences. A friendship, like any healthy relationship, must be based on trust and respect. Finding balance in a relationship can be difficult at any age but especially so when we are young and still learning. It is important to remember that trust can often be rebuilt over time and that mistakes can be forgiven. It sounds like your friend is upset and hurting right now, and that she will possibly need some space before moving forward. You are both experiencing normal emotional responses but it is important not to be too hard on yourself. Talking with someone about how you are feeling may help. You can talk to a trained advocate on WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line anytime by calling 916.920.2952.
Would you ever falsely accuse an adult of something sexual? Has anyone you know ever done it? Each year a very small percentage of rapes reported to law enforcement are false reports, while an overwhelming number of rapes go unreported. It is very uncommon for a child to falsely allege sexual assault against an adult. While we may not always know if a person is being honest, it is still important to believe and support each victim we encounter.
Will I get arrested for showing my neighbor my private part in my home and not touching her? It is important to remember that any type of sexual activity must be consensual. In the state of California persons under the age of 18 cannot consent to any sex act, regardless of whether there is touching involved. Respecting the boundaries of others is necessary in order to have healthy and consensual relationships.
i made a fake facebook account and started talking to this guy the same age as me. now we are “dating”. should i tell him who i really am? or keep going on with the lie? In order for a healthy relationship to be successful both partners must be honest and respectful of eachothers needs. It sounds like you are unsure if you want a real relationship with this person. If you are having second thoughts it is important to re-evaluate the basis of the relationship before moving forward.
Do you have group meetings for support? WEAVE offers a variety of individual and groups counseling. Please contact WEAVE’s 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn if the programs we offer are right for you.
Okay so my boyfriend and I had sex tonight. We didn’t want the
condom or the condom wrapper to be seen from my parents when we went upstairs
and as stupid as I am I thought I could hide it in my vaginal area. I only put it there for about two to three seconds. I did NOT put it inside of me. I just put it there, not in me, any chance I’m pregnant?
Anytime sperm is in or near the vaginal area, it is possible for pregnancy to occur. While the liklihood of pregnancy is reduced in situations like what you described, it can happen. If you would like more resources about birth control and organizations that can provide you with free and reduced cost birth control, you can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for referrals – 916.920.2952.
I cheated on my boyfriend. Now after a month of being apart he wants me back. I feel guilty and we were together 3 years so I feel like he’s the one but if he was why did I do what I did? We’re seeing each other on and off, but I don’t know if he’ll ever get over what I’ve done. Now
everything feel exactly the same as it did, but it’s completely different. I just don’t know how to do this. Is it possible to fall out of love with
someone? I don’t want to break his heart again, what do I do?
Relationships are work. Healthy relationships have trust, open communication, support, empathy, and commitment, just to name a few necessities for success. It sounds like because you were not faithful to him, that caused the trust you had built to go away. Relationships are always changing and evolving over time. By rebuilding the trust over time, and reconnecting emotionally again you two may both discover this is the relationship for you, or maybe not. To increase the communication between the two of you, you may both consider seeing a couples counselor (assuming there is no domestic violence in the relationship) to guide you through the process of rebuilding your relationship. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line can give you referrals at 916.920.2952.
So there’s This guy and it’s been about a year since I met him. Hes the type of guy I’m into, and I really thought he liked me too, but he ended up getting with some Other girl after we had been talking for a few weeks. We kissed literally the day before. Well recently We’ve been talking agaIn and he continually brings up that kiss. I’m getting those signs that he likes me again, and I just found out he and his girlfriend just broke up. He hasn’t talked to me for a few days though. Is it silly and selfish that I think him rude for not immediately askin me out? Maybe I did something wrong? I mean she wasn’t there when he brOke his jaw a few weeks ago! I was =( he can’t miss her…can he? Relationships can be difficult at any age and can face a number of obstacles. Healthy relationships consist of two people working together and involve ongoing effort and compromise by both in order to thrive. If someone is flirting with you, but not prioritizing being in a relationship it is important to recognize those red flags. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship and includes both talking and listening. Having a conversation about what each of you want, in terms of a possible relationship, may be a good idea.
I don’t know if this is where I can go to post this but idk where else. I’m having trouble going to the bathroom (edited for length and content) I’m reading about people who have the same Problem but all this other stuff I don’t have. I’m so scared from the things ive read like getting endimitriosis, being pregnant and an STD! Idk what to do or how to tell my parents. I don’t want to be dishonest with them but I can’t get to the doctors without them! Help =( WEAVE is not a medical provider and cannot provide medical advice. What you are describing sound like serious medical issues which require a doctor’s care. We know you don’t want to disappoint your parents but it’s important that you see a doctor immediatly. Please tell your parents or another trusted adult who can help you access medical care.

Now, I’m not entirely sure if this is the right site, but I’m simply looking for somewheree to ask an anonymous question. I’m a 16 year old teen and I live in the USA. My girlfriend recently moved to Germany. Her dad is in the military. Now, I’m not asking for your comments about how I’m too young to think I love her. I do love her. I want to visit her for Christmas and as my mom and dad are divorced, I’m forced to ask both. I live with my mom and step dad. We’re middle class and I’m working so we can afford the ticket. Is my dad legally able to tell me I’m not allowed to go even if my mother says yes?

Being in a relationship and having your girlfriend move away is difficult regardless of how old you are and age does not change the emotions you are feeling and your desire to see your girlfriend. Whether or not your dad must consent to the trip is determined by the custody agreement that was put in place as part of their divorce. You will need to find out from your mom what the custody agreement requires.

Is this site for teens only?

WEAVE maintains message boards on several topics including domestic violence, sexual assault, LGBT relationships, and our teen board. The teen board is meant to be a place for teens to ask questions about relationships but we do answer other questions as long as we feel it is appropriate and within our abilities. We never know who sends in a question and we try to post the answers within two business days. The questions are asked by teens and answered by WEAVE’s staff including our teen educators.

Can you ask questions about anything? WEAVE is very open about the questions it will respond to on the Teen Message Board. While our teen services primarily focuses on teen dating violence, healthy relationships, etc., we know a lot of other areas affect teens. We cannot answer medical questions or questions that are beyond the ability/scope of our counseling staff. If we can’t answer a question, we let you know here and provide other resources.

I know it sounds really dumb and awkward, but I’m seventeen and there’s a girl who’s a close friend who I went out with a couple years ago, and I’m having some issues with it. She recently entered my life and I usually always feel like a crush is just infatuation, but I feel entirely different with her. I’m unbelievably comfortable and happy with her, and we’re really really really close friends now. But my problem is, I’ve always had a problem with a masturbation. I know it’s normal, but whenever I do it I feel like karma or something, or God (I’m a pretty firm Christian) will take my chances with her away. I just feel like an awful human if I masturbated recently. So, I actually managed to stop doing it for weeks, which is something I’ve never been able to do until now because I like her so much. However, just tonight, I did it again, and although I haven’t even talked to her yet and it sounds way too superstitious, I feel like I’ve lost her and just can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to think of it, am I overthinking it or is this just a mental side effect of masturbation? I’ve never really felt this depressed over it. Any words will be greatly appreciated, I’ve never even spoken of this before now, so even just writing it out helps.

Relationships can be hard at any age and when you are a teenager you are still learning so much about relationships, friendships, and so much more. All of these are influenced by our spiritual beliefs, friends, family, and circumstances. What’s good is that the relationship does not sound abusive – WEAVE’s area of expertise. You are experiencing a variety of very natural emotions and responses to this relationship. Talking with someone will help. The CA Youth Line is a great resource available 24/7 where you can talk with other teens about what you are feeling. Give them a call at 1.800.843.5200.

I’m desperate for a reason to live. I have no family. Lived alone since young teenage years and I have nothing. No friends. I eke up each morning just to go back to sleep. I want to die but i’m scared. I would happily be ill but it just isn’t happening. I’m so confused.
 

Please know you are not alone. It sounds like you feel very isolated and depressed. Talking with someone who can support you is important. Our friends at the CA Youth Crisis Line are available 24/7. We strongly encourage you to call them at 1.800.843.5200.
Am i a non purging bulimic? My symptoms are, i’ll binge eat then i won’t eat for days. Then i will eventuallly break down and do it again.I have irregular periods. Also i think i am obsessed with food also in a way i think about food more then i think a normal person would. Also when i am hungry its like i want to eat but something stops me. Also when i eat its like i can’t stop i feel full but i just cant stop and just keep on eating i feel out of
control when i eat
WEAVE is not an eating disorder specialist, and we never make medical diagnoses. You are clearly concerned about the possibility you may have an eating disorder – you are not alone. Each year, thousands of teens develop eating disorders, or problems with weight, eating, or body image. If you like to speak to a eating disorder specialist in Sacramento County there are many agencies to choose from. To be connected to the resources available please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Im thirteen and my girlfriend wants me to wear panties? should i? we’ve been out for four months and theres been no actual sexual contact apart from kissing..

In a healthy dating relationship no one should ever feel pressured to do anything that they do not feel comfortable with.

I’m 17 years old and a senior in highschool. I’m from a small town of about 600 people and about 7 of them are black… 3
of them being me, my brother, and my sister hahaha! I didn’t have the most ideal childhood being that I grew up in an orphanage for the first 4 years of my life. My adoptive parents and I have a very volatile relationship and we often go months without talking. Even though we live in the same household, we are strangers. I’ve done lots of things over the years to disappoint my parents (lying, drinking…) but, perhaps, the most disappointing is that I’m not the size 00 that I used to be now that I’m growing up. I feel like, in a way, I’m letting them down. I don’t eat breakfast or lunch. For dinner, I
allow myself no more than 700 calories and it’s almost ALWAYS the same meal.
I think I have a problem but I don’t know if I’m quite ready to let this go. As much as I’m scared of being fat, I’m more afraid of my future. What am I becoming? Please help me…what do I do?
Reaching out for help can be scary, but talking with adults about your feelings may help you develop into the person you want to be. Depending on your goals, you might consider talking to your school’s counselor about your feelings, and gaining additional support. Also, speaking to your doctor who can give you insight and guidance to your health is a great idea. WEAVE’s Support and Information Line too can give you additional resources and support at 916.920.2952.

I think my 16 year old daughter is a victim of some kind of abuse. I do know that he will hit him, and he is 15 and I don’t think he mentally has the tools he would need for something like this because His mom and dad are passive/aggressive abusers as well. I thought my daughter was a stonger person that this. I would like he to be able to talk to someone who has been there, done that — All I am is mom talk .

Parenting today is challenging because there are so many ways our children can be hurt, and we want them to be safe in the world as they grow up. Being an observant parent involved with your daughter’s life, you have noticed clues that cause you concern. The next step is to have a conversation expressing your concerns to your daughter about what you have seen. By focusing on your concerns about your daughter’s safety, expressing what the components to a healthy relationship are, and what behavior is abusive, you are giving your daughter clear guidelines. Letting her know that you are a safe person to talk to, and no matter what you will not be judgmental, you will also increase the likelihood that she will be honest with you in return. Learning a few communication tips to use with your daughter from either her school’s counselors, or WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, will simply add to the natural compassionate skills you already have. Being a mom is never ending job, but providing a loving influence during the most challenging times for you daughter can also be incredibly rewarding.

What do you do if your pregnant and scared to tell people around you when your still just a teen?

It is understandable that you are scared. Finding a trusted adult who can support you is important so that you can seek appropriate care. While WEAVE’s services do not include teen pregnancy, our friends at the Californa Youth Crisis Line can support and help you. Their number is 1.800.843.5200
A girl I know recently told me that she was smoking weed. She was high and acting really strange so I kept questioning her. Truth is, I’ve actually been suspecting her doing this kind of thing for awhile. She said she’d been smoking it for half an year already. Me and my other friends tried really hard to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t listen to us. She kept saying “I want to do it, it makes me happy” and other crap like that, and I knew it wasn’t true. So the other day, we went and told her mom, and she got in trouble. She’s really mad at us now, and I just hope she won’t hold a grudge forever, even if the thing we did was right and to help her. What should my friends and I do? It sounds like you acted to protect a friend which is good. You may also find that getting support from a teen resource will help you understand how to help your friend. Our friends at the California Youth Crisis Line have a 24 hour phone line you can call with other questions at 1-800-843-5200.

Yesterday I had sexual intercourse with my boyfriend . . . (edited for length and content) If we stop intercourse for some time will this stop?

The WEAVE message boards are for answering questions about dating violence, domestic violence, and sexual assault. Your question is medical and our staff cannot provide medical advice. It sounds like a visit to your doctor is important to answer your question.
How can you tell if red flags your family has are red flags for you personally? (about relationships) It sounds like your family may have expressed concerns about your relationship or relationships in general. Red flags are actions or behaviors which can cause concerns. In unhealthy and/or abusive relationships, red flags do not only include physical acts such as grabbing, hitting, or preventing someone from leaving a car/room/area. They can also include a partner who is controlling, puts the other person down, threatens the other person, demands to know where the other person is all the time, or tries to prevents the other person from being with friends. These are all concerning behaviors and could indicate an unhealthy relationship that can become more abusive over time. If you are experiencing any of these behaviors, they should be a concern – healthy relationships are built on trust and respect and don’t include abusive language or actions. You can talk to a trained advocate on WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for more information.
What can I tell my friend? She likes this boy but he likes another girl and when I asked him if he liked her he said no. A good friend will be honest and supportive of the friend. Rejection can be hard and you can encourage your friend to talk with you if she feels bad. The hurt she feels will get better with time – for now it’s best if you just support her.
I used to live in Sacramento. I moved to southern california and I am in a very horrible abusive relationship. I am 2 months pregnant as well. I need help. Can I get help from you or do I need to take care of it down here. I also have family in sacramento, but I don’t want to put them in danger. It is good you reached out as your situation sounds very serious. If you are in danger, call 9-1-1. WEAVE provides services in Sacramento County. There are organizations like WEAVE throughout California and there will be one near you that can provide you with local resources. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to locate services near you – 800.621.HOPE (4673). You can also begin to create a safety plan for you and your baby – keep important documents like driver’s license/ID, birth certificate, etc. accessible so that you can take them if you must leave in a hurry. Also make a list of important phone number, accounts, etc. that you can access from anywhere (i.e. email them to yourself at an private email address).

I woke up yesterday and all of a sudden, I was overwhelmed by sadness for nothing in particular (i’m 15). I was just so sad about nothing and everything and started crying. And cried all day. Also, I liked this guy from my school a lot. A whole lot; but I hadn’t even spoken to him and he probably didn’t even know who I was and he just finished school; so I will probably never see him ever again but I still think about him a lot as much as I try not to. I don’t know if this is relevant but I thought that I’d say it just in case. Does anyone know what could have caused all the crying?

It is very difficult to know why we cry since there can be so many different reasons. Being a teenager with hormonal changes can also be a factor. Also, having feelings for someone one and not having those feelings returned can also cause strong emotions. Those feelings of rejection or loss could be contributing to your sadness. There very likely other reasons in addition that could be causing the sad feelings that you might not have also considered depending on what is going on in your life. I would encourage you to continue to express your feelings, and continue to explore what might be causing them. If the feeling of sadness last for a long time, it could be one indicator of depression and that should be addressed seeking professional help. Please continue to express your feelings, and by talking with adults that can support you as you sort out the various emotions you are experiencing, you could find it to be very helpful. WEAVE’s Support Line (916.920.2952) is one option that is available for you to talk to an adult 24-hours a day about your feelings in a supportive, and non-judgmental way.

On the 2nd day of my period [explicit content]. I was wondering, since I searched the web and nothing answered my question, could I possibly be pregnant? Your concern is understandable. There is no way of knowing if you are actually pregnant in only two days. If you are unsure, it might be a good idea to schedule an appointment with your primary care provider as a precaution. You can also call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for emotional support and resources.
hi, i am an 18 year old college student and i was assaulted by my dad all my life, both mentally and physically and this past saturday, i was assaulted by him, i was kicked and hit by a long piece of wood and wanted me to engage in a fight with him,( he always looks for trouble)he did this in front of family members, and i left home, not angry but discouraged because promises have been broken all my life yet it always happens, my mother was also abused by him for years until we left and lived for a shelter with my other 3 younger brothers,( i am the oldest) and fortunately he stopped abusing my mom and he has been good to my other brothers, but it feels as if it hasn’t changed for me, i have been living this hell and i try to stay strong but little by little i am braking down, i don’t cry very often but every time that my father reacts that way, it breaks my heart that he would say and do things that a regular parent would not do. my mother knows about this incident, yet it does not seem like she really wants to deal with it, and i get it. my father has great qualities he works very, very hard, and i have never gone to bed hungry, that i cant deny, and i don’t want to call the police on him, because like i said, he is good to my mother and my other brothers, so i do not want to interfere with that, but i can’t no longer keep this up, i have no where to go, i feel scared and i need help. Any type of threatening and abusive behavior is unacceptable, even if it comes from a family member. You should not have to live in fear. Please remember that you are not alone and you have options. WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers a variety of services, many of which are either free or on a sliding scale. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about services offered, resources and referrals, and receive emotional support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
my dad abused me and took the gifts he gave me back and wont give me some of the stuff i bought back and the cops said they couldnt really do anything is there anything i can do to get my stuff? Thank you for reaching out. Unfortunately, if you have already spoken with the police and they said there’s nothing they can do, it’s unlikely we can help you get your gifts back. Still, it is unacceptable for your dad to abuse you. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to receive support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
How likely is it to get pregnant from pre-ejaculate with no penetration? Is there a chance I could be pregnant? It’s would be nearly impossible if there was no penetration. If you are unsure, it might be a good idea to schedule an appointment with your primary care proivder as a precaution. You can also call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for emotional support and resources.
I am only 14 years old, and I’m scared. How do I break the porn addiction without my parents finding out? There are resources available to you. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and resources.
Hi, I just want to know if I’m overreacting or if this is considered “wrong” and if I brought this on myself. Yesterday, I was in a park with a guy friend and one of his friends… [Explicit content.] I feel violated and hurt and I don’t know if it was my fault because I don’t know what’s “right” or “wrong” anymore. Am I overreacting? You have every right to feel violated. Any type of non-consensual and uninvited behavior is unacceptable. You are not overreacting. Their behavior was completely deplorable and unacceptable and in no way is that your fault. Please call WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for additional support and information about WEAVE services.
I was raped when i was 14 years old i will be 16 next month. My parents know and we have contacted the police. I waited to long to tell my parents because i was scared to talk about it and i didnt want them to know i was drinking. When my parents had found out it was to late for me..the guy had gotten away with it. a coupel months later i was jumped by a group of guys for “Snitching’ i have never seen these guys before is there anything i can do…. I really want to talk to other people about what i went through and what has made me stronger and also to listen to other peoples storys.. please help thankyou It can be an empowering decision to decide to tell someone safe about a sexual assault. Telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I was sexually, emotionally and physically abused as a child, and just recently I’ve been feeling the backlash of that abuse, I’m now 16. My entire personality is beginning to shift as I’m realizing I’m more prone to anger, annoyance, and I just don’t feel like myself. My eating habits have changed so much so that my friends and family have been on my case about eating more. I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel like I can trust anyone with the truth of what happened to me. I’ve been putting up a wall between myself and friends and family and I know that’s probably the worst thing I can do but for some reason I can’t stop it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m worthless and useless and don’t deserve to be happy. I want my life back but I don’t know how to put my past behind me. It sounds like you may be experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder. This is very common with survivors of abuse. It can be very empowering to choose to tell someone safe about what happened. It can also help in your healing process. WEAVE provides counseling and support services for survivors of violence and sexual assault. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to access counseling services, learn about options and receive support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I am 15 weeks pregnant and been with my current bf for 6 months. He posseses 11 out of the 17 warning signs of abuse. I have been in a serious abusive relationship before and I am seeing a lot of red flags in this new one however he has not hit me or choked me like in my last relationship so im not sure how alarmed i should be. HOWEVER, I have my first child on the way to think about and I do not want to take any chances. So i guess my question is, how many out of the 17 warning signs would you guys consider there to be just concern for? It sounds like you are aware of the warning signs and potential danger of your situation. It could be helpful to talk with a trained advocate to assess your choices and develop a safety plan for you and your baby. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information line is 916.920.2952. You can also come in for a free triage assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 10 AM and 1 PM and Wednesdays between 4 PM – 7 PM
I am a 17 year old mother. I have a 4 month old baby girl, and my boyfriend is 19. He’s the father of my child. Before we have gotten together he was never ever abusive. But as months passed, he became abusive. I think it was because i had moved in with him 3 years ago. And thats when everything started. His aggressiveness never stopped until i became pregnant. When i was pregnant, everything was fine. He would never lay a hand on me. But now that i had gave birth to my child, everytime we argue, he always ends up threatning me that he’ll punch me in the face. And yes he did before and he broke my left cheek bone. What should i do? Love should never hurt. There a several types of domestic violence, and threatening violence is a form of abuse. WEAVE offers triage services where you can meet with a WEAVE advocate and assess your level of danger, prepare a safety plan and provide you with referrals for appropriate services. Triage is available on a first come first serve basis Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 AM – 1 PM and Wednesdays from 4 PM – 7 PM. For more information and support call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. If you ever feel you are in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1.
Girlfriend bites,chokes,punchs,slaps&is hecka rude to her boyfirend.He says he wont defend him self against a girl.What do I do? It is not okay for someone to bite, choke, or hurt another individual. Your friend needs your support. Inform him about WEAVE services. Depending on his situation and his decisions your friend can receive individual counseling and/or file a restraining order on his girlfriend. You and he may call WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. A WEAVE advocate can provide you and your friend with emotional support and options.
i have been with my bf for the last two and a half years.hes very abusive and has went to jail..im now pregnant how do i leave? There are many options for you. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help. To discuss your options and discuss a safety plan you may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 or come in for triage and meet with a WEAVE advocate between the hours of 10 AM and 1 PM.
I was raped 6 mo. ago but didn’t report b/c of bad law enforcement experience. Is that selfish? What if he does it to others? It is not selfish to not report to law enforcement. Many survivors are too scared to report the incident because they have a relationship with the perpetrator. Sexual assault is the number one under reported violent crime. If you feel like he may hurt others you may want to contact law enforcement and make a report about your incident. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling to survivors of sexual assault. You may speak with a counselor about your feelings. Also, if you decide to file a report, WEAVE could arrange for an advocate to go with you for support.
I was raped & went to therapy for yrs. I still really like to watch/read rape scenes in movies/books. Is that normal? Am I sick? There are many reactions to traumatic events of a sexual nature. It is not uncommon to find some attraction in reading about or seeing the same type of experience that happened to you. If this is disturbing to you, you may want to discuss it with a therapist who has specialized training in sexual trauma. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to find out how to access services at WEAVE
Is it normal after being raped to do what he says? He never had a gun or knife. Yes. It does not matter if your perpetrator has a gun,knife,etc. Your body should never be violated. Sexual Assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sexual act, it is sexual assault. If you have been sexually assaulted it is very important that you seek medical attention as soon as possible for several reasons. These reasons include treating any injuries,check for possible pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases and/or collecting evidence for a criminal case. If you are with someone who has sexually assaulted you they do not respect your body. You deserve respect and to be in a healthy relationship. WEAVE offers counseling for victims of sexual assault. Call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for emotional support and information.
My friend says lots of different guys rape her.Its freaking me out.Is she causing it by seeing them? Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. Your body should not be violated. If your friend feels violated, threatened and/or questions if she was sexually assaulted refer her to WEAVE’s website or to the 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
How can I help 16 year old friend who was abused at 4? She’s not interested in counseling but is confused & upset about memories You can support your friend through saying you care for her. Stick by her as a friend. Make sure she knows that you support her decision and listen to her feelings. Do not tell her what she should do. When she is ready she will ask for help. Inform her that WEAVE has a 24-hour crisis line that can offer her emotional support. The number is 916.920.2952.
How can I help my 14 yr. old daughter? She just told me she was raped while drunk at a party. She refuses to talk about it. Your daughter is going through an extremely difficult time. It was a great step that your daughter disclosed that she was raped. It’s important to support her and validate her feelings. Do not push for details that she is not ready to give. Give her options for filing a report, coming to WEAVE for counseling, give the crisis line number, but ultimately it is her decision to seek help. Let her know that you support any decision she makes and make sure she does not feel blamed for the assault. WEAVE can offer counseling services to both of you and the 24 Crisis Line is available as well. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952. You are not alone and either is your daughter.
where do i go if i leave and i have no phone and i have my daughter with me. will i get help right away! pls help me!!!!!! WEAVE’s toll free phone number is 866.920.2952. You may dial that phone number at any pay phone and access WEAVE’s 24-hour Crisis Line. A crisis line counselor will help develop a safety plan for you and provide support and information for resources to help you and your daughter.
Im 16 and really like this 18 year old guy. I live in Virginia. Would he get in any kind of trouble if we dated? The age of consent varies from state to state. Please contact your local law enforcement agency or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233(SAFE) for the answer.
im 17 i have a baby would i be able to go to a safehouse? im asking cuz of my age.. Unless you are an emancipated minor, you cannot access the Safehouse service. Please contact the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for support and referrals that can help you.
im 17 and im in a verbally abusive relationship she puts her hands on me and i dont know what to do she a she and i cant donutin Verbal abusive is considered as domestic violence and nobody has the right to put their hands on you without your consent. WEAVE offers teen domestic violence counseling. I recommend you call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for support and more information about our services.
i dont kno how to leave my boyfriend..the worst part is that hes living with me and he threated of taking our baby from me Leaving an abusive boyfriend can be a difficult process, but WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE operates a Safehouse for survivors in imminent danger. In addition to the Safehouse, WEAVE’s Legal Department that can assist you with filing for custody. Please contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more information and to access these services.
My wife and I are very concerned about our daughter who we believe is in a very abusive (verbaly and mentaly) what can we do? Though you can not control the choices your daughter makes, you can gain information to be supportive and also learn to set healthy boundaries with your daughter. It will be up to her to either continue to be in an abusive relationship, or choose a healthy relationship.We currently offer a weekly group called “Supporting Survivors Group” that you and your wife might benefit from attending. You may also call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for additional support and information.
Is it a sexual assult when a 16yo has oral/anel sex with 18yo? The 16yo is now being humiliated by him, can she get help? It is sexual assault when a 16 year old has oral and anal sex with a 18 year old. In California, nobody under the age of 18 can consent to sex. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling to survivors of 13+ years. If the perpetrator is harassing the 16 year old, WEAVE can help with filing for a Temporary Restraining Order. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information on how to receive our services and to explore other options.
Im 16 I have been sexually assulted numerous times by friends and cousins? Why does it always happen, and how can I avoid it? We are so sorry to hear you have been a victim of numerous acts of sexual assault. Nothing you did caused the assaults to happen. The only reason why you were assaulted was because your friends and cousins are perpetrators. Therefore, they are the only ones who could stop it. You do have several options of what you could do now. You can contact law enforcement and make reports of the incidents since what they did to you is a crime. And, you could get into counseling to help you process everything. You might want to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation and receive support and guidance.
My uncle is a drug user and he is stressing me out what should I do We can help you by offering you referrals for both your uncle and yourself. To talk about your situation in more detail while receiving support and getting appropriate referrals, you can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. You may also want to try calling the California Youth Crisis Line at 800.843.5200.
if his friends are pressuring him to go farther (sexually), does that count as abuse to HIM? Based on limited information from the question, it sounds like his “friends” are pressuring him to do something that he is not comfortable in doing. Peer-pressure can be both painful and dangerous to the recipient. Depending on the situation, the peer-pressure could rise to a level that would be considered abuse. Even if the friends are not being abusive, at a minimum, exploring the value of “friends” that do not respect personal boundaries is a good conversation to have with a counselor at WEAVE’s 24-Hour Crisis Line.
Is there any way to speed up the process of getting an abusive, stalking ex-boyfriend arrested? Local law enforcement often does a great job helping survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Allowing the process to work takes both time and patience. If you feel law enforcement is not responding appropriately to the circumstances, one option that you have is to talk to those higher in the chain of command. If you are able to express specific concerns with details, the information could both help you with your situation, and other survivors that may experience a similar situation in the future. It is important to remain safe while waiting for your ex-boyfriend to be arrested. To talk to a counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line to explore other options call 916.920.2952.
I get mad easily so does he. He talks about other girls, makes me cry and I start hitting him first but then he strangles me. Relationships that contain multiple forms of abuse can feel confusing. Many abusers blame the victim for their behavior and call them abusive. You can look at who is initiating the abuse and if it is to gain power and control over the other person. Reactive anger is often associated with being abused. You may be assisted in understanding the dynamics of your relationship better by talking to a Crisis Line counselor at 916.920.2952.
Sometimes when my boyfriend gets angry he slaps me(not to hurt), and pulls my hair, is this abuse? WEAVE identifies five types of domestic violence. All types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. The types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations. One type is physical abuse, it is the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured. Even if a slap or pulling of hair doesn’t hurt, it is not the level of pain inflicted that defines if the action is abuse. It is the reason and intent of the person doing the action, and damage done to the recipient of the action, that helps to define if the action is abuse. By talking with a counselor on our 24-Hour Crisis Line you would be able to explore in more detail both the dynamics of your relationship and about WEAVE’s services. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952.
How common is dating violence for teens? A study of high school students found that 1 in 5 had experienced physical or sexual dating violence.
Why do people yell and hit to show how much they care about their partners? It is a myth that people yell and hit to show how much they care about their partners. In Reality, people yell and hit because they are using violence to try and control another person and are unable to control their own behavior.