Domestic Violence Message Board

Message Board Gheremie Abero

Domestic Violence Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in three business days.

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails. 

Question Answer
My sister is 8 months pregnant, her husband hates our family so he has blocked our numbers and social media accounts. She has to find alternate ways of contacting us. He is constantly verbally abusing her, and all she does is cry and doesn’t sleep. She is hopeful things will get better once the baby is born, she is afraid of leaving him. I am very worried about her and the baby. She forgives him over and over after everything because she’s hopeful. I really want her to see that him being controlling and mistreating her isn’t going away when the baby is born but instead it will get worse. How do I get her to get help? I want her to know she deserves better and she should leave him? He said made threats such as “you’re lucky that baby is in your or else…” he has kicked her out a few times also. My family and i go days without hearing from her and we get worried because she is very vulnerable and pregnant. We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a brother to witness the abuse your sister is enduring. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options as well as potentially a welfare check. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your sister.
My son 15 6.1 250 lbs is verbally abusive and physically to me , his mom sister. I just try to protect my self only block some others get thru, We have tried all you is support services. We are at the max devices in our insurance and city , county services. Gone so far as to get home services. It works for a few days. And back to the same thing. Many Police calls. Is a vicious circle. Child protection services also involved. Every time we the police and CPS. Come they want to know if we hurt him. Also lies that we hurt him. Once they interview my wife and me they clear us .It is unbelievable frustrating as there is no reason for any of this. Authorities are making our lives miserable as well as our son. Note. I do love my son and want to help him out of this nightmare of him and mainly ours Can anyone please help or advice Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. We understand you are scared of retaliation if you contact law enforcement, but you might need to if he continues to threaten you and harass you. However, if you do choose to report it to law enforcement they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report it. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Another possible helpful resource can be the CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200 for your son if he is in need of speaking to an advocate.
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and forced to have children with the guy and he’d commonly make me miscarry if he got angry. I’m now with a new wonderful partner and we were trying for a child. I miscarried a few times which was triggering of my past but finally I got pregnant and successfully gave birth. Now that the baby is here I am finding it hard to connect with the child. I was forced to give my others with my abuser up for adoption and now that I have this beautiful new baby I look at him and just feel sad. I don’t know why but I feel like I can’t connect and keep thinking this child looks exactly like my abusive ex. I know that the baby is probably just looking more like my other kids as it takes after me but I keep looking down and getting slightly panicky. I’m in a really great relationship and completely safe and loved. I just don’t know why I can’t love and connect with this child like I so desperately want to. I really love this child and want so badly to connect but it just doesn’t feel like it’s there when all I can see is my ex when I look at his face. Is this common in survivors? I’m really hoping I’m not alone. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Some individuals may also experience an influx of feelings after pregnancy, which, if you’re comfortable, should be discussed with your primary care doctor. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
I just reported my husband for domestic violence. We have been in incidents in the past were we both have been guilty of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. He continues to physically abuse me so I contacted the authorities. Now hes threatening to bring up our past to bring me down with him. Can I go to jail too? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My intuition is telling me to leave my relationship, but for some reason I am scared and doubting myself. We have been together for less than 2 years and we moved in together 6 months into the relationship. At the time there were some things I didn’t like such as him not respecting boundaries or what I would say I needed,  I cared for him and I was willing to take the chance and see if we could get our act together. I’ve lived with him for over a year now and we’ve had explosive fights that are basically 1 step below putting hands on each other and full of toxic behaviors and name calling.  I don’t feel respected or supported.  I just felt it was cruel or sadistic what he was trying to do. Meanwhile like not really showing any empathy, but an insincere sounding “I’m sorry your leg is hurt”.  It’s not 100 % bad, but I feel as if he is either a narcissist or insecure and does things for attention or a manipulator. I am just wondering if you can offer any advise on my situation. I am confused because one moment he will say I’m and angel, but if I challenge him or speak to him a way he doesn’t like then I’m the devil and a basically evil person who doesn’t care about him or the relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read this. [Edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Can you help find housing for someone who is extremely ill and is having to deal with Domestic violence daily in various forms. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Me and my boyfriend were together for 4 1/2 years. Although we talked about marriage and how I was ready for engagement, I knew in my heart he wasn’t ready for engagement due to financial debt. Throughout the course of the relationship, we would argue but would always smoke or drink and then come back together to talk about our problems. We have lived together for 1 year so it made it convenient to talk about our problems while “self-medicating”. Recently, we made the change to quit smoking and ever since then, I feel like he has been on edge. I would make small comments that he is quick to snap or easily annoyed or have to walk on eggshells some days so he isn’t moody. Throughout the 4 1/2 years, we never have gone a day without speaking so he was shocked I was kicking him out. He got very angry and was yelling, calling me names and ripped up our picture I had just purchased as well as knocked over the tv in the bedroom. I told him he needed to leave the laptop I paid and replaced and he got in my face yelling I would need to fight him like a man. I have never seen him this angry and told him he needed to go to anger management. Despite all of this happening, I still love him and do want to be with him only if he goes to counseling. Throughout the relationship, I have never seen him act like this and it has shocked me and my family. I know the right thing to do is to leave but I feel like I am losing my best friend and partner. Our first year of dating he took LSD and is trying to claim that his mind is rewiring and he is working to control his anger. I just don’t know if he is using this as an excuse/manipulation. He has agreed to counseling and is respecting my wishes to not be in contact with me until I fully heal and claims he will do whatever it takes to win my forgiveness back. I really don’t want the relationship to be over because I love him but also do not want to be blindly stupid. [Edited for length and content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with his emotional health, so he doesn’t continue his violent behavior. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Okay… so my lil girls father went to prison April of last year for aggravated domestic violence against me… we have went to majority of time without speaking until 2 or 3 months ago and he got in contact with me via a cellphone.. we were getting along.. and he was wanting his family back and I fell into it mostly..but still continued to tell him I couldnt live with him again and we would just have to see bcuz I dont trust him… I like the idea of him changing but I know he never will … so ofcourse when he doesnt get his way then now I’m a bad mother and he called me threatening me saying I was talking about him bad and he will make my life a living hell and etc.. should I contact someone and tell them he has been threatening… should I even feel guilty if I do.. idk.. I get so wrapped up in trying to still please him from what they call trauma bonding… i have been in therapy for a while and i cant seem to break this cycle idk what to do.. and I’m scared he will try to take my daughter or get visitations … Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence.The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My roommate and son in law threatens me galore. Escorts me for things an has got to the point of braking a tv my tv with a bat cause she said this is you and broke it with a bat I have pictures

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

Ok, so I was just wrestling with my dad you know playing around, were a rough family. And this happens all the time I have just gotten used to it over the years, but eventually he will go too far and he will end up hurting me, I persist to tell him to stop but he doesn’t so I do anything I can I hit him, I kick and yell, but it gets to the point where he thinks I go too far. He then hits me back only much harder and I seriously need this too stop because it’s becoming too much so what can I do. And I love my dad I don’t want anything to happen too him he’s a real stand up great guy, but the problem is when we start wrestling. I don’t want to call anything or do anything like that I just need you guys to tell me what to do. I’m not completely sure what this is I just need some help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
How do I overcome my fear of being seen naked? My ex consistently calls me fat and ugly and unloveable and undesirable whenever he’s pissed at me. I know he’s just saying those things to hurt me and get under my skin, which I hoped would help keep that from happening but instead I can’t take my clothes off to be intimate with any partner now..how do I cope with this? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother in law is a supervisor for division of family services in my area. He witnessed my husband abusing me and did nothing to help. This was a couple of years ago. Is there anything I can do now?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

Hello, I have been reaching out for help for years and not getting anywhere due to a medical condition. I have been in an abusive relationship for over a decade that caused major heart attacks a few years ago at thirty one. He started screaming at me following these inducing other events when I begged him to call an ambulance. He has been emotionally abusive and is constantly threatening me causing several minor strokes. He has been threatening to have me discredited and declare me incompetent if I even speak up about what he has done, and his Mother worked for decades in the medical records department of the insurance plan I have and is not an honest person. He has also had several family members who worked at Stanford medical and the care has been noticeably horrible. His grandmother was put on a Stanford estrogen study decades ago during a time when medical professionals were well aware that causes strokes in people and ended up a paraplegic due to that on a feeding tube with people talking about how they hated her at her funeral. I feel like I’m headed in the same direction if I don’t get help, and have been reaching out to civil rights organizations for years no to no avail. I have to leave this situation, but have lost everything because of him, have had zero income in 2019 and have no other option or support system and it isn’t safe for me to do so. These human rights issues are very severe and he has forced myself and my sons into a 900 square foot apartment, and has manipulated my children successfully. He has been hurting them to hurt me every time I try to parent, but putting me in a bad situation.I hate conflict and my heart can’t take it and what he has gotten away with is equivalent to terrorism. Is there any justice for women out there? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services if you are in Sacramento.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
My dad is been baker acted twice diagnosed some dementia mostly hallucinations paranoia. It’s been baker acted twice. My mother is 80 years old and he is 84. It is become stressful and fearful for my mother. When we call the cops we call the cops he answers all the questions correctly. They say Baker acting and then they just send him home again. If you don’t let any of the family in the house as he thinks we all want to move in and we don’t have homes of our own. He has taken at night and told my mother do you hear that do you hear that she’s also made her get on the floor he thought the mafia was after her. He has all robots and went in one of the neighbors. These are just some scenarios. This is been a year and a half now .Recently he came in at 2 o’clock in the morning saying it was at the pump dump and had a knife in his hand. At 3 o’clock my mother got short of breath and the next day was taking him to the hospital with a fib it took a week but they got her heart back balanced. The psychiatrist there said he needed to be removed from the home or don’t go back as we told him what was going on. A lot of this is because of the stress she’s been under because of him. Or she would end up back in the hospital. This is where it gets complicated. They were married for 11 years separated for or divorced for 26 and then been together after my brother passed for 25 living as if they were married sharing a house both are on the trailer their names and bank account they just never got the piece of paper. There’s no retirement there’s nothing but your Social Security checks . So when the cops were called my mother got home from the hospital the cops came daddy didn’t believe that she was in the hospital as we try to bring him food and check on him and he just cost us and tell us she went in the hospital so when she arrived we had to call a cop to get my mother in which had had a bath had any of her clothes cause he wouldn’t let us in the house. The cop said you know they get old they believe what they believe in you can’t do anything about it and that one of them needed to leave so my poor mother of seen mind that just left the hospital was removed from her home with no clothes except a little bag. She forgot her shoes on the table he locked the door wouldn’t let her back in the cop just said goodbye another pair at the Goodwill or at the dollar tree. My mother was treated as if she was just piece of white trash. She has made that home paid all the bills make sure everything ran accordingly and there’s concerns of coarse of my dad living on his own he has no transportation is no way to buy food and now my mothers out of the home he won’t except help from any of the family and he thinks he can do all this on his own. She needs to be back in her home though as girls can take care of her until we figure this out. I’ve been contacted a couple of attorneys care patrol golf coast law that deals with elderly care I was told and I’m getting nowhere I’m going to try social services but unless somebody has guardianship or power of attorney without his consent or proving incompetence or he hurts my mother we can’t get him play in placement. Please help we are lost and we need some type of direction to follow. He stresses her out he cussed her out he accuses her of sleeping around the trailer park mother can’t even get up out of the chair she got a bad leg let alone go around the trailer park just goes on anon. And now he’s been getting knifes out to purchase it it’s it’s almost like she feels threatened. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this with your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210. You might also be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916-874-9377. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471

 
This may sound like a dumb question. I was really angry about a comment made and yelled “Don’t ever say that to me again!” He smirked. I know what I do is wrong but I went to the kitchen started slamming things into the dishwasher and banging pots around. He came in and said stop banging I said “LEAVE ME ALONE” he then came at me grabbing my arms pushed me against the fridge and I fell down. After that I was face down on the floor and he got on my back held me down had a hold of my arms like a scissor hold pulling. I was screaming at the top of my lungs for him to get off over and over. after a couple of mins he did. It was hurting and now I have a bruised elbow and finger print bruises on the other arm. I screamed at him again “Don’t you ever put your hands on me!” He said “you were out of control banging those pots and I didn’t do anything wrong by trying to calm you down” Of course I didn’t report but I’m confused is the abuse? I rarely swear because I hate it, but 4 letters is all he knows. He kept SCREAMING the F-word the whole time saving “F-ing calm down, F-you” I would have been calm if he would have gotten off me and it wasn’t hurting.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 


 
My husband is mean to the children, and extremely cruel to me. Hes curses at us and instigates fights. He flings plates of food if myself or the children questions him. He threatens to quit his job and refuses to go into his job at any given time. He punches holes in the walls and doors. He them isolates himself in a bedroom for days and will say not a word to anyone, only bark demands. Like ” i need cigarettes”. He refuses to leave and says things like ” you want me to leave, make it happen, do something”. He calls our sons ” princess” or ” candy a**”. He calls me whore and threaten me. He has hit and hurt me in the past. My children are NEVER physically hurt. I think hes evil sometimes. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your children, their number is 916.875.5437. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My daughter has been sexually assaulted by her ex boyfriend and physically abused, so badly she miscarried a set of twins. The crimes have been reported to court mandators, as well as the police, nothing is being done about it, I am in the statue of limitations, what can I do now? These crimes were committed in Jacksonville FL. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your daughter is experiencing. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. Since  you live outside of Sacramento County, to find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.
I’m a single mom of a five year old we live with my friend of mine ive known for almost 4 years been living with him for a year he amazing with my son but not so nice to me where if I put things in the wrong place or don’t do them correctly I get name called he will sometimes call me a bad mom, I’m stupid, retard recently I spent too much of my money where I’m now a little behind on rent where now he’s taken my bank card, ent card also part of it goes towards my car he help with part of it which I’ve been paying him back on means limited when I can use my car too so he’s going to keep an close on my bank account, ebt when it gets loaded back up again and mileage til I get caught back up and bad enough I get screwed over by almost every job i have I’ve been through i was in a scary traumatizing abusive relationship for 4 years was lucky i got away from it alive and came back home to my family it’s like never ending Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Who is the abuser? History of violent episodes (one a year x 10 years would be fair estimate…frequently revolving around alcohol abuse). whlie laying in bed verbal argument escalates until she screams in his face, he face palms her and she flies off of bed. she gets up, livid and swinging. he delfects by kicking her, resulting in fall to floor (and nightstand). she gets up swinging and cursing, he responds by pinning her to the bed- until shes gasping for breath and promising to be a good girl if he just stops. he eventually lets up, she leaves, then returns, intending to smash his face with flat screen…instead throwing it down. no other notable controlling, demeaning abusive aspects…..fights just escalate to violence (both with history of trauma) Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My friend’s step father (who’s a Marine btw) beats him and says if my friend calls the police then he’ll falsely accuse him of molesting one of his daughters. He asked me to promise him I won’t do anything but I want to help. He’s tried to call the police but it didn’t work He tried to get a job that would pay him enough to move out but his father (who’s friends with his boss) got him fired He can’t move in with me or any of his relationship partners (he’s poly) Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.

My husband has been calling me terrible names, degrading me in front of people, intimidating me, scaring me, on a daily basis for years now. I know I should leave him but I feel so weak to do anything about my situation. I used to be a very strong woman an RN for 25 years but after working 25 years I had some medical problems and had to leave it and I was since I did he has been so abusive. Controlling to the point where I’m not even allowed to talk to anybody and his family and barely anyone in my family. It’s crazy that I let somebody do this to me for so long but it’s weird how it’s very insidious and becomes worse and worse over time at least with me. Now it’s daily basis of abuse. My question is about I don’t have any money. I only have my house that we have paid for together and we both own. It’s not quite paid off but a lot of it is. My question is how do I get him with no money on my own to, I want to file for divorce and make him sell the house is there any options in Fort Lauderdale Florida for help financially with Filing for divorce and having him made to sell the house because I won’t be able to be in the house once he knows I’m filing for divorce in other words it Has to be him selling the house because if I tell him I can’t live in the same house because it would be unbearable even more. So I’m trying to see if there’s any help to file for divorce and make him sell the house that doesn’t cost a lot because I don’t have any money right now and also the logistics of how does it work? if I’m not in the house and I have to go stay with someone Who lives in the same state but very far away, like what is the process I guess is what I’m saying what is the process please and how long does it usually take and do I have to be going to court around my house to do something like that?. I know I was an RN for many years but I did not work with adults and you would think I would know these questions and would be stronger but I’m not at this time because I’ve been beat down for so long. Thank you so much

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
My boyfriend keeps pulling threads on my clothes and scratching my car. Why Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We understand why this situation is very stressful for you. We would like to encourage you to practice setting some boundaries because this will lead to a healthier understanding of yourself and your relationship. Boundaries can be hard, but they are absolutely necessary. If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance at longevity. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
My girlfriend is coming over tomorrow and she won’t let him call me a cunt or a bitch or anything else my house I helped him get a job then he was supposed to leave but now he’s abusing me. ..I’ve begged him to leave but he won’t I don’t know what to do so I called my girlfriend to help me I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me!! He has a drinking problem and it’s getting worse his anger is exalting I’m getting very nervous every day it’s more and more extreme I’m scared for my safety and my boys…  Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship, you do not deserve to be treated this way. We are grateful that you have a friend who is there to support you and help you. If you are fearful for your safety, it is paramount that you contact law enforcement. Having law enforcement reports can create a paper trail of your domestic violence experiences that may be helpful in possible future legal matters. Our agency has many services that may be helpful to you with your domestic violence situation. To learn more about these services and speak to a crisis counselor about your situation, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Is it possible to begin the process of reaching out for help via email, rather than over the phone or in-person? I live in Sacramento and am hopeful to reach out for support with what feels like a situation of something like domestic violence. However, I cannot easily leave my home and I’m afraid that he’s tracking my phone calls. Is there a way to possibly connect with someone, initially, through an email address?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. If you want to connect with support via email you can initiate contact at info@weaveinc.org. You can also go to our business office location to receive in-person support at 1900 K Street if that is a safe option for you. If you are concerned that he is tracking your phone calls, here are some safety tips that may be helpful for your situation. Frequently clear your browser history, as well as turn off your locations by going into your phone, location, and turning them off. Frequently changing passwords (email, phone, social media accounts) can also be helpful. Don’t hesitate to email for support. 

I’m very mentally broken I feel. I’m dating a man who’s 18 years older than me and though its seldom physical violence, everyone years its constant mental abuse, gas lighting, passive aggressive behavior, and without telling me not to do something , has some how isolated me from the world.i use to know… Is it ok to still maybe get help or counseling from somewhere? I’ve become financially and in all ways codependent on him. He wouldnt chase me if I left he’d just let me go.. but I dont know where to go. Am I just being pathetic and weave and other programs are for serious real abuse..or is mental abuse a real issue as well? We physically fight sometimes but its rare..and he never actually yells or raises his voice at me..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today. We want to start by saying that you are not alone, and we are here for you. Everything you are describing experiencing are very serious forms of abuse, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. While physical abuse is a very serious form of abuse, what you are experience is equally as serious and valid and you deserve support. Our agency is always here to support you, regardless of where you are at in this situation, we recognize how complex Domestic Violence is and we are not here to judge you. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to learn more about our services or just to talk to a crisis counselor. We are here for you. 
 
After many years of abuse I left my husband and went to a shelter. To prove I’m not lying, or trying to take money etc….
My friend and advocates say that he can easily get custody of our four year old daughter, by saying I abandoned her. Surely that can’t be true in the United States. I’m only trying to show the judge that I’m a reasonable and fair woman who needs a divorce. There’s currently no order of any kind relating to the child or divorce. Should I take my daughter with me
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and can only imagine how upsetting it must be. It sounds like you are dealing with deciding whether or not you should take your daughter with you when you leave your abuser. We are sorry you are struggling with that difficult decision. If you are a resident of Sacramento County and are planning on leaving your abuser and taking your child with you but do not have a formal custody agreement, you can do something called a “Good Cause Notification” which would essentially alert the district attorney that you have reason to believe it is not safe to leave your child in the care of a certain parent. To learn more about this and get referred to further Legal support with your situation please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Not very long ago my boyfriend and his older brother got into an argument. His older brother had him cornered in the kitchen, screaming in his face, my boyfriend pushed him away so he could get some space only after yelling multiple times to get out of his face. After that, his older brother ended up telling him to leave, and as my boyfriend was leaving he was obviously upset and yelling, his brother followed him outside and his brother proceeded to throw him on the ground, kick him, and when my boyfriend had come inside to grab some of his things, he had a roll of large trashbags thrown at him by his older brother. He was then told to leave a second time, so as he was his brother ended up following him again, where he pushed him into the tree outside, and he was even beating on my boyfriends head (he was trying to defend his head with his hands), and even ended up making his hand swell and we thought he’d broken it.
After my boyfriend had finally gotten in his car and left, I was left at the house with tears streaming down my face as I packed our belongings as we were told we were no longer welcome here. When the police arrived, I had no idea, his brother walked into the room and told me that the cops were here and would probably want to talk to me, he told me he already told them what happened, due to the shock I didn’t write the most detailed report. After my boyfriend returned, he was then arrested on the spot, no questions asked for him, no Maranda rights, and was taken immediately to the jail. I and a couple of mutual friends of my boyfriend and I went down and bonded him out but still holds that time in the jail on his record.
Now my boyfriend is facing charges from the state as being the aggressor, the neighbor had called it in, and faces fines and even jail time and has no attorney so has to be his own. So my question is, what can we do to get these charges dropped?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471.


 
I am disabled and have been waiting on SSI for a few years now. Because of this, I have no money or resources left of my own, and my parents now take care of everything for me. My step-dad is an alcoholic with a history of violence. He has called my mom and I nasty names, threatened us, and broken things in the house when he’s angry. He has essentially held us hostage using money when he doesn’t get his way, because he knows his finances are going toward important things like our health care. Anytime money is a problem, my medical treatment is one of the first things on the table to be potentially cut. I spent all the time living with them on-edge, always ready to make an exit or try to see who I can crash with when he’s flying into a rage or just vaguely screaming about something. My mom has always made excuses for him like, “he’s only this way when he drinks” or “he’s sorry about what he did and is going to change this time” and said that assistance programs don’t actually help with these sorts of situations anyway, so it’s best to just wait it out and someday he’ll finally stop or just die. I attempted suicide because I couldn’t stand to imagine being forced to live with it any longer. In trying to escape that environment, I was driven into the arms of a few different guy “friends” who wanted to give me a place to stay because they were just so nice, until they were not-so nice and it was pay in sexual favors or leave, because apparently that’s what happens when you don’t have rent money. In other situations with friends, I could only stay for as long as my parents wanted to pay for my rent, and then they would make me come back. I have been out for about a year now, and they are making me come back again, because they don’t want to pay the rent. I have never lived independently of my parents or of some romantic partner who shares some of the same toxic patterns as my parents. I have my own share of trauma-related issues and I don’t want to have to go back, but I have never explored options because I was always told they don’t really exist, especially if I’m not able bodied enough to handle a transient lifestyle. I am usually at home, so not having a home, or not having a safe one, is a really big deal. I want out of this cycle but I feel completely powerless to stop it. Is there any way for me to get out? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 

Im from canada alberta and i have lived in a hotel for 3 weeks and paid daily..my husband and i got in a fight which caused the cops to be called and we both got taken to lovk up.. i went back to the hotel the next day and they had my car towed and impounded, they kept all my belongings and his and said i had to pay 800 dollars for damages done to room which was blood on mattress and carpet. They never charged me damage deposit or asked for visa..i paid cash daily. Is this legal for them to do this ?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make is according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  We recommend you reaching out to a local Domestic Violence agency in your County for assistance or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
Can my spouse be arrested for slapping my face if I filed a police report (a black eye came on that afternoon as a result of the slap)the day after the incident ? It occurred two weeks ago but a detective called to say he was presenting to a judge an arrest warrant We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.
My situation is difficult. I have a boyfriend and there have been past domestic violence issues. He just finished 8 months in jail that was done two years ago. Since then we have been working on our relationship. Our problem is communicatig. He comes from a family that does not know how to communicate. Worse yet we lice with his mother. Who is extremely nosy and follows us around the house. We’ve caught her outside our bedroom door listening we have caught bee following us down the road in walks. She instigated arguments
When I tell him. We can’t afford something he asks her and she gives it to him. So this is the current situation. My son who is 20 moved back in with us, with his girlfriend and their 5 month old baby. They needed help to get back on the their feet. Then after two months his son who was just released from jail an zlost his job due to heroin use shows up with some girl that we had originally banned from coming here ever again andy boyfriend allowed bee back in the house. I told him no way in hell. He said he is not going kick hhs kid out and that me a s my kid can leavs.
So given the situation does having them here endangwr us. They are in and out all hours of the night and she lost her kids to cps a long time ago. Also due to the past domestics. I suffer from of course massive debilitating anxiety and horrible panic. I have no worked in almost ten years. I babe no family (none) to call. We lice way out of City limits and a. Bus only comes by a few times a week. So what should j dk. J am scared to death for my son and I am also beyond stuck.
At night I cry and wish my mom were still alive to help me and I have tried to mask it. But everything inside of me is saying he won’t change. And I told him that having them here is endangering us and he said that the only danger is from. Me. So his girlfriend and. Baby I guess are moving back home with her dad. And I am still going to be here. What should I do.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
Hello my name is x I has been in a classic “ GASLIGHTING relationship “ I knew I wasn’t imagining these things! And a Physically Abusive relation, were pretty much every month my arms were marked up, that I truly lost vount of the times, The DA dropped two felonies to ONE Misdemeanor! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?? No wonder Women don’t bother with filing or reporting!! And the sad thing the DA was a female herself! I hope I will heal emotionally from these horrific events in my life, My body feels so sore and my heart is broke. This was a case from 7/5/19 in Sacramento County 2 Felonious to one misdemeanor and guess what he did the night he was released snuck in my tural driveway with lights off at 11 pm at night to get his car moving it without lights so spooky! Thanks for not helping me and making me feel safe DA , but I must say the Sheriffs wete great!! They spotted a abuser right off the bat!!! Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

i live with my mother and she overdoses on her medication every month and fall down and hurts her self and calls the cops and says that i hurt her she takes blood thinners and she bruise very easy so the cops take me to jail she call the ambulance on her self and says she took to many pills and fell down when im not there she is 67 years old and takes too many pill at once what can i do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting  this situation must  be for you.  Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behavior where an intimate partner or a member of a family uses intimidation, threats or actual violence in order to maintain power and control within the family relationship.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual,  spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It sounds like your mother may be needing assistance with her medication.  Have you considered accompanying with your mother to her future doctor appointments.  This will give you the opportunity to speak with and inform her doctor with what is transpiring at home.  The doctor should be able to explain to you what the medications are for and the side effects that come with the medications.  You can also brainstorm with your doctor and  come up with a plan to better monitor your mother’s medication.  Maybe an assistance from the clinic can monitor her medication or maybe the doctor can disperse medication weekly.  These are just options that can be considered to help your mother.  WEAVE also offers counseling if you feel that will help you to make future choices or if you need emotional support.  If you need more information or need emotional support please call our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952, 

My abusive ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend I just finally stood up to and said goodbye, but I’m scared he will. He has a sealed record for assault on someone and carries both a CCL and a gun plus I know he has old pictures of me and messages of mine that I do have a reasonable expectation of privacy regarding by law. I stayed friends with him after we broke up though I never realized how he was abusing me, and it got worse when I met someone. After I got married to that someone else, it worsened even more. Again I was oblivious to all of this, but I’m not now. Sometimes he would force himself on me sexually prior to our break up and he did physically assault me at least once that I can remember that wasn’t sexual in nature. What do I do? There are laws against spreading things with a reasonable expectation of privacy and against what some could be deemed non-consensual imagery. I’ve issued him a warning not to contact myself or my loved ones nor dare to harm or attempt to harm any of us in any manner otherwise I will pursue legal justice. Do I wait and him potentially wreak havoc on my life? Also how do I get out of this depression it’s spurred and how do I stop trying to find things through way of viewing social media and more? I’m absolutely devastated right now along with angry and scared. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want him back in my life. How do I stop fearing, ensure we’re protected, and truly move on from this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. Nobody deserves to go through what you have, and continue, to go through but we want you to know you are not alone and you have support here. It definitely sounds like you have a grasp on the legal aspects to your situation and just need some further guidance. We have an amazing team of Legal advocates and attorneys who could provide you further support for your situation if that is what you want. It is completely your choice whether or not you would like to take legal action, it is your right. If that is something you want and your case is through Sacramento County please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, safe number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern. They will return your call within a few business days. In regards to your feelings of depression, anger, these are all incredibly normal and part of the healing process. Healing is unfortunately not a linear journey, it twists and turns and one day you can be ten steps forwards and the next five steps back. Have you ever considered Counseling services to help process some of the trauma from what has occurred in the past relationship and its continued violence? Our agency offers Counseling services that could be of great help to you throughout this process. If you would like to learn more about our Counseling or any services we provide please call our 24/7 Support and Information number at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
,I was reading a message from my mom’s boyfriend, who don’t like me, that if ever I was back to our country. I would hire someone to kill me. Where does this situation fall ? If i need to file a lawsuit We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707.
My husband was taken to jail after I called the cops. His anger was getting the best of him and he is becoming violent. He’s such a sweet kind hearted person it’s so hard for me to think he did that to be mean. I feel like he cant control himself. I love him to death and want to be with him. Is he going to be mad that I called the cops on him? Does he hate me now? Will he or does he still love me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. If you decide to stay with him you may want to speak to him about it to make sure it never happens again and possibly encourage him to seek counseling. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Hello, I am a 16 year old girl and my abusive ex-boyfriend raped me about a year ago and recorded sex without permission. I did not report it back then because I was being brainwashed by my abuser. I have now been able to separate from him and seek therapy and begin recovery. It makes me feel awful that he’s getting away with this however I’m afraid to contact the police. Advice? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we want to say that we are so sorry that this happened to you, and we want you to know that we believe you. You are not alone, and we are here to help you. We understand that you are feeling anxious regarding reporting this, and we would love to provide you some support surrounding that. We have Legal advocates who may be able to talk to you about what all your options are in regards to reporting and what exactly that would look like. Regardless, we would like to provide you further support and connection to resources, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I’m white and he is black. He’s constantly putting me down and shaming me …[edited for content] My family loves him though; around everyone else he turns on the charm and becomes this loving, suave, super-attentive bf that can do no wrong. Lately he’s been finding it amusing to grab me by the arm and refuse to let go, knowing I won’t pull away for risk of leaving visible bruises. This, he says, is part of what makes white girls ‘fun’. ‘Can’t fight back because that’s racist.’ I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to report him and expose him to the brutality of the justice system. I don’t want to become one of ‘those’ white girls leveraging our tears to hurt MoC; at the same time I’m afraid it will get worse. Help? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. We want you to know that you are not alone, we believe you, and we are here to help you. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Regardless of someone’s race or ethnicity, violence has no place in any relationship and what you are experiencing is not okay. There is no excuse, you do not deserve this treatment. We have many services that could be of help to you in this situation, including Legal services, Counseling, Emergency Shelter, and many more. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have two adult sons that are using drugs in my home punching holes in my walls just destroying my home throwing objects at me one son moved his girlfriend in and she is on drugs as well the police won’t do anything I’ve called them three times what can I do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to make sure you get the support you need in this area. We are so sorry that you have not been getting the response you need from law enforcement with this matter. We may have some resources that may be of help to you with this situation, such as legal eviction support. Please call  our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss this situation further and we will connect you to the appropriate resources. 

I have been married to my husband for 11 years. I am currently pregnant with our 5th child together. In the past, he has been rough with me on a few occasions in anger. He would grab me usually, and once (the first time) held me down and pressed my face sideways telling me to stop saying the things I was saying. I was so scared on that occasion as he had never been rough before. But also told myself, well he did not hit me or actually hurt me. It was a long time before he lashed out physically again. Last last year I found out he got someone else pregnant and they now have a baby. I decided after some time if trying to make it work that I wanted a divorce. I have been telling him I want to divorce amicably and every time he resisted, and has been showing remorse, trying to show a lot of kind gestures towards me. However, a few days ago when we were discussing again that I want a divorce, he became enraged after I started speaking angrily towards him. He attacked me in my recliner I was sitting in, grabbing me and pinning me painfully into the chair… At this point I am wondering if this is real. This man has been a good husband. I said what he wanted me to say to stop him from hurting me further. I cried and prayed after he let me up. He calmed down and told me I made him do it and should not have hit him in his face. He also me chilling words, now I see that he is serious about not losing me, and now I see what he would do if I try to leave. Am I paranoid to take that as a threat to my life? I have considered making a plan to leave, but I am terrified that he would fulfill his threat and hurt me badly or kill me if he found me. Just hours later he was embracing me and whispering how much he loves me, needs me, and will do anything to keep me.

I want to leave but I know my children will be so sad if I took them away from our home and away from their father. I don’t want to hurt them. So I am also considering just staying and making sure I don’t ever lash out at him with angry words as that seems to trigger him. For the most part we have been able to have tough conversations without any kind of fear of violence. So this change over the last few years has been a shock.

I just need some advice. He is a good person and I feel he is in some kind of crisis as he inches towards age 50. I feel perhaps he fears losing me and felt the only thing to stop me would be to scare me like this. However, I don’t love him anymore and I do feel truly scared. I do care about him but I don’t want to underestimate him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns.  Domestic Violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior where an intimate partner uses intimidation, threats or actual violence in order to maintain power and control in their relationship.  Domestic Violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behavior that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.  We are sorry that you are going through this within your relationship and we also commend you for your strength and courage for reaching out to us today. No one should be treated the way your husband has been treating you. You have every right to feel how you feel, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call the police.  Law enforcement an be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and keep you and your children safe.  Regardless of where you are at in this process, We are here for you. WEAVE offers counseling if that is something that will interest you at this time.  You can meet with a counselor individually and they also provide group counseling where you can meet other people who are going through the same situation that you are going through. Once again we are sorry that you are going through this with your relationship.  If you feel that you need to talk to someone, you can always call the support line at (916) 920-2952

Is there a place for men to go who have been in abusive domestic violence you guys plan places for women to go is there a place for a man to go in that situation

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, your question is very important to us.  You are not alone in asking this question.  WEAVE offers an array of services which includes emergency shelter, legal help and counseling that is available to people of all genders. If you need any more information, please call our 24/7 support and information line (916) 920-2952.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. We live together. Three years into our relationship things got rocky, mostly over other woman he had been having secret relationships with and was caught. The last time was November of 2018, and I don’t know if I can trust he has changed. He is very emotionally abusive, and in all reality the textbook definition of narcissistic. But in between, our relationship has good points. And I love him with all of my heart but just lost on what to do. I am emotionally damaged from these past two years and I know I should probably seek help from a professional. The scars will never go away it feels. There is no talking to him, if I try to talk, I am arguing. If I cry, I am being dramatic. If I’m hurting, I need to get over the past and stop dragging it on. What do I do ? He has a past with beating on his ex girlfriend as I have learned six months ago (wish I would have known that sooner) I don’t know if change is possible, or if this is a temporary illusion he is trying to set off. Anyone who’s been in a serious domestic violence case knows it’s not as simple as just leaving, it’s really hard. I need guidance. [Edited for length and content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I’m not sure what kind of situation I’m in but I feel stuck. Only married a couple of year and have a 9 month old (too smart and big for her age) but recently my husband keeps starting arguments even ones we’ve fully discussed but he pushes and pushes to the point that I start yelling and defending myself and trying to make my voice and what I have to say herd but when it escalates he pulls out his camera and records it in my face saying “you should see yourself, do you know how you’re reacting, you need help”.after already argued for 20 minutes. Even after I tell him to leave or go away or I try to walk away or close the door to the room with my kid or sit quietly, he’ll push it open and contining the argument and record me to the point being hysterical. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my child with him but I don’t know how to get out of the argument and out of the camera. And now I feel like I can’t leave cause he has videos of me yelling in front of our little one to use against me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
My daughter is being abused by her boyfriend and the police doesn’t want to help what can i do as a mother trying to protect her child before something bad happens? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your daughter is experiencing this and we can only imagine how hard it must for you to stand by and bear witness, as her mother. We commend you for your strength and courage in reaching out today, you daughter is so lucky to have you as her advocate. We would love to talk to your daughter about her situation and see what support we may be able to provide her since we have many services designed to help people in situations like hers. Please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and ask her to call us as soon as she is able to, and we will do everything we can to help her. 
my boyfriend doesn’t communicate well. We’ve been together for two years and are 21 years old. For the most part, the relationship is good. Except for when he’s; Mad, Sad, Depressed or in a funk. He has a mood disorder, anxiety, and depression and is on medication for all of it. When we argue, he often shuts his phone off or puts it on airplane mode, or even keeps it on but will purposely decline my calls and ignore my messages. This can go on for more than 12 hours. Longest it’s gone on is almost 30 hours, and when he decides to finally talk to me he acts as if there’s nothing wrong. As if nothing happened, and he didn’t do anything. When people ask him what happens between us he tells them nothing we’re fine, meanwhile i’m calling friends hysterical crying because he hasn’t talked to me in HOURS. He makes me come off as crazy towards everyone all the time. I’m at my wits end here. I’ve tolerated his lack of communication, light physical issues, and extreme mental abuse. I love him very very much and I know he can be a better person, but if this has been pretty consistent for the past 2 years i’m losing hope. I’ve tried to seek couples therapy with him and he says that’s a waste of time & money, and his parents drill it into him that it’s only for married couples. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting it is. Relationships are hard work, and the key to healthy, successful relationships, are trust and communication. It sounds like there are a lot of consistent issues when it comes to communication within your relationship. We understand that there are incredibly real and true feelings of love, and love is so important but perhaps it could be helpful to take a step back, and evaluate whether or not this relationship is not only the healthiest, best options for both of you, and if you both want/need the same things from a relationship. Just because there is love doesn’t mean it is the right thing for both of you. You both deserve to be happy in your relationship. Please know you are not alone and we are here to support you. If you want to discuss this further with a crisis counselor call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have been dealing with my bf for 4 years it has gotten worse everyday he will call me fat and say im nothing but a fat a** b***** and that he hates me and he hopes i die we have a daughter together and he still don’t care after he says those mean things i have said but your the one that dont have a job i have a job and i can keep mine and i said at least i can pass a weed test and he will get mad and punch me or push me up against the wall i will have bruises all over me all he does is talk crap about me idk what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you in your journey, get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. Nobody deserves violence, violence has no place in a healthy relationship. We have many services that may be of help to you, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Is a gaslight relationship the same as fb

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic utilized by an abuser to make you question your sanity/reality. It is normally done slowly, and builds up over time, like brainwashing. It can be done through the telling of blatant lies, denial, alienation, and many other ways. It is another form of abuse. If you need further support and would like to discuss this with a crisis counselor, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
My husband body shames me every single day. Today he walked in as I was eating a chip. He flew off the handle. He said he can’t wait to divorce me. Called me fat. Said I look like a line backer. Said I was disgusting, ugly and fat. He made a disgusted face while looking at me, shook his head and said, “of all the beautiful, fit women, how did he get stuck with me”. He said I disgust him and he is so disappointed in who I have become. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you in your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. It is not okay for you to be treated that way, you do not deserve this, and it is not normal or healthy to be talked to like that. We are relieved to hear that you recognize this behavior as “body shaming”, because none of what he says is true. What you are describing is not only body shaming but also a form of emotional abuse. We are so sorry, again, that you are experiencing this within your relationship. But we want you to know that you are not alone. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor and get connected to services, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

my abuser is in prison for the third time. this time he beat me in the head and i have serious damage and i leave next month to cleveland clinic for more testing. he began emailing me from the prison and hasnt even been charged for any of the other violations he did, i am at a lose here and my town wont help my family and he only got 18 month. he blamed his drugs on me so i got indicted at 36 for my first felony or drug charge and i need serious help or this man will kill me. who do i contact for serious help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. This sounds like a very serious situation, and we have many services such as Legal, Safe Shelter, Counseling, and more that may be of help to you. Our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, and we help people who are experiencing Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking situations. If you are located in Sacramento and needing help with your situation, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can get you connected to services and resources. However if you are located outside of Sacramento, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) . 
My ex slammed me against my car several times one night and keyed my car, i left home that night because i did not want to deal with the cops or him in that situation because i was hysterical and having panic attacks, he called me as i was leaving and threatened to go to my family and my job, if i tell him to never come to my house ever again and he does, can the police do anything about it? i feel unsafe around him. We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
My husband had a court order to do a domestic violence testing in the state of idaho. The person who does the test his lawer none has the info on the test he is supposed to do. Now what happens he cant go vack to court until the testing is done Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
Can you refer me to a divorce attorney who specializes in divorcing a narcissist? I have been emotionally abused for decades. I am a smart strong woman but he has told lies that have destroyed my relationships with my kids and is incapable of being rationale. It should be an easy divorce but I know he will make it a nightmare. I need someone who will be a strong advocate but not invite him to do more damage. Please let me know. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
I got married Feb 20th to a man who I thought was charming, intelligent and very untuned to me. He’s an ex crack head and Alcoholic. He’s been married 4 times prior to me and has a line of bad relationships. Well, he has anger issues and he was a womanizer. Well, we went to elementary school together so I thought, I know him I’ll give him a try and we started dating in 2017…. things went pretty quickly. Well, he cheated on me 10 days after he moved in with me with the girl he was seeing before me. Oh, and he was living with another woman when we started dating, but he told me that he was staying there with her and her boyfriend who was his friend. Well, long story short, when I voice my feelings he takes that on 10 and it typically leads to him chocking me and pushing me and screaming and hollering at me. Well, he’s back in jail for it again (2nd time) and he had a case in ATL with his ex wife too. My question: since he was still on probation with my case, and now it’s happened again with me and he’s been arrested, will he more than likely spend a year in jail? I spoke before the judge the first time and the no contact was dropped and he was able to come home after serving 3 weeks. I’m going to get a ppo on him and hope they keep him a year so I can divorce him while he’s in jail. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry you are experiencing that kind of treatment with your current partner. Based on what you share it seems you are in a domestic violence relationship and that you have taken action before where he has been removed from the home, although he comes back later and the cycle starts all over again. Since your questions are legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you are experiencing and work on ending the cycle. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process at 916.920.2952.
 
This happened to me and we got in to argument and he throw the phone to me and I throw it back the daughter call police because it was our first fight after so many years marriage and they arrest him now we have court date and I love him so much he does to what would think it’s gonna happen what punishment he will get is it possible they take him to jail I don’t want him in jail Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471.If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Can I press chargers to a person who has a dvo order if I have changed my mind Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today with your question. If we understood your question correctly, yes it is within your rights to press charges against this person, and can do so by contacting the non-emergency line of your local law enforcement agency or going in in-person to do a report. Please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, if you need any further support with this situation. 

Before we were married my husband (boyfriend at the time) blacked out on me while he was drunk and his sister thought he was going to kill me that night how he was acting he never laid a hand on me but broke other things She drove 2 hrs to come get me. I went back. After our first son was born he blacked out on me smashed my phone and took the car keys. I had to call the cops to leave that night. He said he was done drinking. He has blacked out a few more times where he said he was going to hit me and his buddies stood up and said if your going to hit any one it will be me. I warned him the last time if he ever blacked out on me again it would be his last. Well he did it again and this time he told me id be lucky to see the light of day again. I told him that I want a divorce it was your last chance. He says I am tearing our family apart and going to break the kids heart. He said things will change and he’s done drinking. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you have been going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can only imagine how upsetting and hurtful it has been to experience this within your relationship, and we commend your strength and courage. We support you with whatever you feel are the next steps in your process, and we have lots of services we feel could be helpful to you, such as Counseling, Legal, even Emergency Shelter. Although we cannot tell you what to do, since you are your best advocate and only you know what is best for you, all we can do is offer support, access to services, and resources within the community. If you would like to discuss this situation further with a crisis counselor, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I’ve been with my husband just over 7 years, married for 4 years. We’ve had a beautiful loving relationship for most of those years. He is a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. I was not with him during his using years. We met and married after he was clean and sober for about 5 years. This past year he started taking Adderall for ADHD. He definitely has ADHD, but we’ve always been nervous for him to try an addictive prescription drug to help with it. He made the choice to give it a try. He started to change in his behaviors and has become more self absorbed and less concerned with family life. We’ve had more arguments than ever. I mentioned to him a few times that I was worried, but he always put my worries to rest. Last weekend he became agitated over what seemed like something small. He started calling me horrible names, I got upset and defensive. I did grab his shoulders during our argument and in turn he pushed me away. I landed hard onto our living room floor. I wish things would’ve stopped there, but they didn’t . He then lost complete control and threw me in a chair, grabbed me by the face, jaw, and neck repeatedly. He was so angry. I tried to leave but he did not allow that and it only made him angrier. After it was all over, he we crying and said he felt awful. I ended up with a large bruise on my wrist, swollen lip, and cheek. Most of my face was sore including my nose. I also had a 1 inch long cut next to my nose. I am pretty shaken by the whole thing and can’t seem to get passed it. He is now telling me that if I wouldn’t have freaked out on him it would’ve never happened. He’s saying that once I own my part in the situation I will be able to feel better and move on. He has also admitted to his dependency of the prescription adderall and has started his recovery process again. I’m so confused. I don’t know if I should stay and try to work things out or stay. It’s amazing how one incident can change 7 years just like that. Feeling sad, confused, and alone. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

Who can I get in contact with about gaining help in child custody family law cases? 

What organization can get some laws changed for domestic violent victims and their children – for more protection over the abuser?

Women are all able to escape but what happens when the children cannot because of court orders, what about the protection of the innocent children ? How are we supposed to help our children have a better future and break the cycle of abuse if the courts allow the children to be placed in the abusers care? 
This is not justice nor is this going to help the children have a better future. We need to do something to help the children. Please.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, you have brought up some very valid and unfortunately true points here. The justice system is incredibly unjust at times, and is still growing in supporting survivors. Our agency offers Legal services surrounding the areas of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and more, and we may be able to provide you assistance/support with your Child Custody case. To receive legal support please call the Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, if your case is through Sacramento County. If your case is outside of Sacramento County please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to receive resources in your county. We hear your frustrations, and we want you to know that there are many organizations in the community who are fighting for victims and fighting to challenge the laws and legislation that oppress them. But it is an uphill battle and will not happen overnight. We appreciate the support of amazing advocates like yourself who are fighting for those who cannot always fight for themselves. 

My partner put their hands on me once and I left.
I filed for and am getting a divorce.

[Yes, as it turns out, there was much financial abuse which I didn't recognize and didn't find out how much until my attorney discovered a secret bank account].

I have domestic violence counseling and a supportive boss at work.

In my new city, people have been telling me things like, “You are beautiful. Are you married? I want to go out with you…”

I have zero desire to date anyone right now, and zero desire to date anyone who thinks shallow flattery will get them anywhere with me.

I have been doing all the things to take care of myself but how do I stop giving off signals to creeps that I am vulnerable?

I have become more assertive so that is great. Something in me must still be shouting “victim” and i want to stop that.

I also didn’t know that being violent in front of me– even when not directed at me– is also domestic violence. This part of the message is not getting communicated to the public.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings, we want to commend you for speaking out as we are certain this is an incredibly common emotional experience for a survivor and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. It sounds like you are truly setting yourself up for success with the changes you have made in your life, including a really great support system. But we want to gently remind you that healing is a process, a journey, and it is not always the most straightforward one. I’m sorry you have been having the experience of receiving unwanted attention, that is truly unfortunate but we want to remind you that you are not giving off some sort of signal. We are not saying that that behavior is ok, but I think recognizing that it isn’t your fault or about you is important. This might be a good situation to discuss with your therapist, they may have some tips for how to handle those triggering situations. Please be kind to yourself in this imperfect process, healing changes daily and sometimes it may seem like you are ten steps forward and the next day twenty steps backwards but it’s still steps. 
My friend of 55 years has custody of her grandson, after fighting a long hard battle for him. She, her daughter and grandson, left Colorado and moved back to Sacramento, their original home town. Her daughter was talked into returning to Colorado for a visit, by her ex abusive boyfriend. While there she got into trouble and went to jail. Her son was taken by the court and put into foster care. It took over a year and 2 extended trips to Colorado for the court to finally grant her custody. Her daughter was pregnant again. After she was released from jail they made her stay in Colorado for probation until after her second son was born. They finally got back to Sacramento about a year ago. They have been living with my friend. Her daughter is having some mental problems and has started getting abusive to my friend. The cops have been called out many times and twice they took the daughter in for observation but was released after being treated for bipolar disorder. The abuse has gotten progressively worse and my friend wants her daughter to leave. The problem is that she only has custody of one grandchild and if she kicks her out, the daughter will take the other child. She is worried for his safety and can’t risk his safety for hers. She needs to find a way to get her out and keep both boys with her. She needs to file a restraining order on her daughter but can’t legally kick her out without a 30 day notice. The daughter will not give her any kind of custody and accuses her of stealing her other son. The cops only had one suggestion for her, to contact Weave to see if she can get help. Her daughter takes her car keys and phone from her all the time. I am contacting you with her consent, hoping for information, without her daughter finding out. I told her to leave with both boys and disappear for a while, but she is afraid there could be kidnapping charges filed against her. Can you suggest the best way for her to go about getting this whole thing solved? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your friend is going through this and we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. You are a wonderful advocate for your friend and we appreciate you reaching out on her behalf. This is certainly a very complex situation, and we feel that it would be beneficial for your friend to receive some legal support for this situation. It sounds like a restraining order may be a safe option, as well as pursing a Child Custody situation. Please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so that we can assess her situation further and refer to the appropriate Legal resource. 
My wife and I are currently going through a divorce. She came home, more than likely drunk, and began verbally abusing me with not so classy language. Told me to leave, not that nicely, I said no. She proceeded to physically pull the pillows from under my head with all strength, I had one locked under my arm which she ended up pulling me to the floor with it. I got up, laid back down in bed and she then got on top of me to smother me (honestly think it was to make me uncomfortable so I’d get up). I told her this was nice and patted her back and said I missed her (I didn’t know what to do other than make her feel uncomfortable to get off me.) She didn’t, so I rolled her off me to my left side. She started to feign that I shoved her, with great force then ran to my 5 year old son’s room. Fearing for his safety, I followed and attempted to push the door open. I never gained entry before I heard her screaming that I was choking her over and over. I immediately called the police and went outside to wait. Cops came, already separated they began their questioning. I told my side and the other cop came down and said she admitted that I never touched her. They said no crime was committed, gave some advice on being in different homes until the divorce and left…I was so relieved that she didn’t seriously go off the deep-end and self-inflict wounds to have me hauled off in handcuffs that I was happy I wasn’t being taken away in handcuffs to even think…WHAT? I called, why didn’t they ask me if I wanted to press charges? Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. If you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
I’m 39 years old. My older brother David, 59 years old, has been abusive all my life. My parents never did anything about him. Brothers and sisters just fight. He’s 20 years older than me. When I was a kid he was an adult. He has knocked several teeth out when I was a minor. After mom died last year, he has gotten more and more violent. In April our brother’s doctor called me with questions on our way to the hospital. While I was talking, to the doctor, David hit me up the face with his laptop. Broke some more teeth and came a hair from breaking my nose. I bit through my upper lip. Police came. He threatened to kill me in front of them (they had body cams). I sent the victims advocate my order of protection paperwork, medical bills, etc. Was notified today that he was only getting 2 years probation. No jail time at all. She said, “The next time he hits you, just me know”. He’s been doing this for 39 years! He’s always getting a slap on the wrist with a “don’t do it anymore”. What does it take to lock him up? He’s physically abusive to our father and his mother in law. They are both in their late 80s. Dad won’t do anything about him. His mother in law has an order of protection on him too. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.
 

Hi I live in Iowa I’m new to Iowa after a divorce I took a chance and started dating someone I had been talking to my social media this guy is the most psychotic dangerous person I’ve ever encountered he is friends with a police officer in the nearby town I have told the police officers everything that he is doing and because he sells meth to an officer he’s Big Man on Campus and they wont do anything about what he’s doing he’s on probation he stalks me he abuses me threatens me if you saw my face right now I could provide proof of abuse he has tried planting drugs in my car in my home last week he broke my door I don’t know what to do I cannot go to the police this guy is a daily use user of methamphetamines and I’ve even contact us a probation officer and they have not tested him I am so scared out of my mind. I’m moving next Saturday. He’s already on to my location.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding your situation, we are so sorry you are going through this and we want to commend your courage and bravery in reaching out today. We feel that the steps you have taken to protect yourself, while they may seem ineffective, are very smart and courageous. We feel it may be helpful to connect with a domestic violence agency in your area who might have more supportive resource to provide you, and since our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, we would like to encourage you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). They can help you get connected to resources in your community. 
My son who turned 13 year old son a few days has recently and somewhat suddenly turned angry and violent. I have sent him to go live with his father who lives nearby. I don’t think his father intended to be a full time parent and it is not convenient for him and it breaks my heart. We agreed to have him come to my house a few days a week. When I went to pick him up from school he got angry yelled at me through chairs around and charged me. I think he hit and scratched my face. He took my hat and stopped on it. The security guard was on hand he had been sitting next to my son in his gym class so my son must have been misbehaving before I got there. I don’t. It all happened do fast but it is two hours later and my nose still hurts and a spot on my cheek so that is why I think he hit me. I know he pushed me, maybe on my face? He then tore things off of the wall in the hall and kicked the wall a few times. I told the people at the school to let him go and tell him to goto his dad’s house. They escorted him off the school grounds. 

Anyway if he does this again should I have him arrested? I don’t want him in Juvenile hall but I am worried about him and his willingness to hit me. What if he hits his brother or his girlfriend or wife when he grows up. Will having him arrested help??
Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how difficult this situation is and we want to do everything we can to support you. If we are understanding your message correctly it sounds like your son has recently developed some violent coping mechanisms that are impacting not only your safety but perhaps the safety of other students. We are so sorry this is happening and we can understand why you would be concerned. However, we do not feel that having your son arrested is the best or most immediate solution. What you have described here is a behavioral issue and it is normal for children to have some changes in behavioral when going through puberty but these violent tendencies, if not approached, could become a normal response. We feel that perhaps some anger management-based counseling would be incredibly appropriate for your son, and have plenty of resources for them. We also might suggest partnering with the school counselor if that is an option and they might have further Counseling or supportive resources. They also may be able to get your connected to resources that can help you in coping and responding in these situations. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to supportive resources for your son, 916.920.2952. 
Am I the only one who doesn’t know how to let go of a abusive person. It just seems like I’m ready to stay away and he’ll contact me and get me to believe him and listen to him. I also wonder if I’m the only person at my age, I’m in my 50, going through this. I’m so depressed and frustrated with myself and I feel it’s my fault cause I’m dumb enough to go back you know. Anyway just wondering Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings today, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want you to know that you are not alone. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. There are so many people who are experiencing what you describe and that is incredibly common within abusive relationships. There is so much manipulation and control that occurs so it makes it almost impossible to get away, physically and emotionally, so those lingering feelings you are having are extremely normal. What may be helpful to you is to attend some form of group counseling where you can process among other survivors who may have had similar experiences so you can begin to heal and feel less alone. If you would like more information on Counseling services, get connected to resources within the community, or to speak to a crisis counselor, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
How can I talk to my grown son about the effects of DV on him? He was five when I left his dad and he doesn’t remember any of it. Recently I told him it might be good to bring up the effect dv has had on him with his therapist – he told me he didn’t think dv was part of his life. So, maybe that’s good, but it also means he does not have a concept of what his siblings and I went through. His older brother was beaten with a cutting board, I was dragged off a bed and choked/hit in the face etc. Any advice is so appreciated. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.
Ok a guy I have known all my life txt me out the blue and was asking me about a mutual cousin. I had no information on her. I guess he thought I was lying. So he starts telling me he is going to roll up on me and bring his vice lords and gangs. So when my 19 year got home I told him what all this guy had said to me. My son txt him telling him don’t ever disrespect his mother like that so he responds back and starts telling my son that he would kill and would make his son watch him kill him while he took his last breath. He told my son he didn’t give a f**k about his life nor his mama’s life. This guy has been in jail most of his life and does nothing but cause trouble. What can I have done about these threats since he screaming he is going to bring these gangs into the situation. The royal gangsters and vice lords. Said he has killed for alot less. We are the Mississippi area We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening.  Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. If you are in immediate danger, you can always call 911.
 
after three years of signing complaints and taking all steps to seek help for our 13 year old daughter violent outburst (not just at home, at school church, and other parent’s home) making false allegations (were to be unfounded, she wasn’t with us during the week that she said it happened) and nothing happening to her (or us till now,) how can they press charges in a different county for me slapping her after she punched, kicked and spit in my my face? I asked for her to be put in residential care, and after almost 6 months of asking, after doing the same behaviors against foster-mother they did it. How she ended up in state custody was because I sought medical treatment after having my head bounce off a door 5 weeks after she punched me in the face, and lost hearing (short amount of time). The officer told me I was not allowed to be checked medically because I was her mom and had to sit with her. I tried to file a complaint with a supervisor of the officer and got told they were going to put her in state custody before 1130 pm while we were both checked into the emergency room (the admitting nurse and her supervisor checked me in as an abuse victim knowing I would not be able to sit with our daughter). They said I rather kill myself than set with her (never not sit with her until this day) and that I abandon her even though I went through the hospital with okay from admitting nurse and supervisor to get treatment. I was not given a psychological evaluation or even treatment because the officer informed the doctor of his opinion of what he thought was going on…. I now how charges for domestic against me, even though I didn’t not restrain her (my husband did, and has not charges) and only pushing her away from and trying to keep her from kicking by holding her feet down, with hands. I don’t understand why now or even why when asked for help from dss, juvenile office doctors office and even church. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
I truly have a girlfriend 72 years old with Parkinson’s and she is in a wheelchair most of the time although PT is still occurring and she is able to fast walk some from the Kitchen to the hallway, maybe 20 ft. Her husband of over 40 years puts on a show when we are around. He is very impatient with her, according to her, he calls her a Bitch and curses at her daily. She is a Christian and he claimed to be too at one time. But she is no angel, she wakes him up in the middle of the night and asks him for water or her laptop or to go to the bathroom. So they have broken sleep, I just know that it is BOTH of their fault, but you cannot change someone else, only yourself. I tell her to answer more softly and be quiet more often to show him that he is wrong instead of telling me he’s wrong all of the time. He throws things and she is afraid to tell anyone because he will hurt her. They retired, and now life is nothing like they hoped and planned. Friends have left them. She threatens to tell Pastor and he threatens her not to tell. We have prayed for them, given them to God, but it is such a helpless feeling listening to them, I cannot imagine being one of them in the midst of all of this hatred daily. We spend as much time with them as we can but I don’t see it helping the other days of the week. Others from church come and we do a Bible Study together, he never says a word. This is the man that used to be a Head Elder of our church. We share a meal and he’ll pray but I’m not sure it is from his heart or just for show. They never come to church any longer, she misses church. What more can we do or say? Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that your friend is experiencing this within their relationship. Based on what you shared it seems they might be in a domestic violence relationship. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If they would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if they would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If they live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

i overdosed on pills to commit suicide and i went to my boyfriend for help and i passed out. i awoke to him sexually assaulting me. can i press charges? It happened over a year ago but I have text messages where he admits it

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we want to start by saying we are so sorry that this happened to you. We can only imagine how upsetting it has been for you this past year and we want to say that we are so proud of you for your courage and bravery in reaching out for support. Yes, you can definitely press charges and having those text messages will be incredibly helpful in that process. We also want you to know that this is not something you have to go through alone. We have many services such as Counseling, Advocacy and Legal that could be helpful to you with this situation. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to speak further with a crisis counselor and get access to our services. You are not alone in this, we believe you and we are here for you every step of the way. 
My boyfriend is addicted to sex and meth. He will use for 6 months get clean and use again. Every time he gets sober he’s sweet and financially supportive then little by little he starts to verbally and emotional abuse me then he starts to get financially and physically abusive towards me. 

It’s been five years of this behavior each year getting worse. He’s had me evicted at 4 different residences. 

Which brings me to my present situation. I’ve been evicted for a month now and I’m 6 months pregnant. I went to welfare and was approved for temporary housing for 16 days. 

He’s back to his addiction of meth and sexual addiction in which he will do nothing but watch porn for days on end. 

So tonight he decided to kick me out of the motel room. I have my car but my license is suspended so I don’t want to risk driving anywhere.

I have nowhere to go and it is 10:00 pm on Sunday night? 

What can I do?
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your situation, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want you to know that you are not alone, we are here to help you and support you. What you have been going through is not ok, violence has no place in a healthy relationship, and you deserve to be somewhere where you can feel safe and be supported. We have resources that we feel could be helpful to you in this situation, such as Emergency Shelter or other shelter-based resources not only in Sacramento County but outlying counties as well. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to those resources, 916.920.2952. Crisis counselor’s can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources. We are here for you. 

My soon to be ex husband has said to me multiple times that the motorcycle club he is a part of is watching me. That even if I move out of state they are a nation wide and I will be safe no where.
His girlfriend who is also in a motorcycle club has said she will kick my ass and I’m being watched.
I just want to be left alone.
Suggestions?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry you are going though this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can imagine how scary this situation is for you, and we want you to know that you are not alone. It sounds like you are concerned about your safety due to the threats made against you by both your ex and his girlfriend who are in a motorcycle club. We want to support you in taking action to protect yourself so you can feel safe and be left alone. Is law enforcement aware of your situation? They might be able to grant you an emergency protective order. If not we could provide you resources on getting a Restraining Order or connect you to our Legal Team for further support if your situation is occurring within their scope of practice which is Sacramento County. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for further support. 

My friend is super quiet and talks about sex when she does talk. She limps when she walks and talked to a large man and then had to leave. She always wears black and sometime wears long sleeved shirts. Something just doesn’t sit right… Is she being abused?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we can imagine how confusing and worrisome this situation is and we commend you for being an amazing advocate for your friend. Without knowing more about her situation it is hard for us to give you a firm answer on whether or not she is being abused, however we would like to encourage you to share your concerns with your friend if you feel it is safe to do so. Some things you may say are: I’ve noticed you have been dressing differently lately and I just want to make sure you are ok? That way it is a much lighter conversation that leaves her room to open up if she feels the need to. If you need further support with this issue please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  
My girlfriend has done several questionable things as of late including accusing my best friend of being obsessed with me, commenting on the length of my showers and imply that I am cheating with a mutual friend. She apologizes often but nothing is changing and I’m worried that this is going to be what our relationship looks like from now on. I love her so much but I don’t like how this is making me feel. Is there a way to seek help for her, or do I need to take care of myself? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I know someone that is in an abusive situation and there’s been several times she aquired head injuries ever to the point she said she thinks she has a seizure once from her head being pushed to the ground while she was sitting cross legged and she said she felt three cracks from hey neck down her doing spine. but she uses secretly to help with pain, but he told her if she goes to the doctor he will lie and call her an addict and tells her whole family and friends and that she will lose her kid, so she won’t go to the doctors. But I’m pretty sure she had a concussion. She’s been complaining of horrible headaches that make her sick, and she hasn’t been herself. Is there a doctor she can go to that won’t judge her but just make sure she’s okay? I’m really worried about her having a serious injury but she won’t go out of fear. If you have any suggestions please lmk because if so I think I could convince her to go, and get the help she needs. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your friend, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important for your friend to reach out to their doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that deter her from getting medical help. She is the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with the doctor. If you or your friend need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
 
Amy and I wish her dead our lives would be easier. Quote that was the text he sent his second girlfriend Arthur died can’t remember any year don’t know what to do he does own a gun he doesn’t want to pay me alimony I’m the mother of his child we have been married 20 years and live in the state of Florida just want to know what I should do about that text it’s a little scary Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
A few months back I had a fight with my husband and cops ended up in my house. I lied about something and now my husband is in jail for aggravated assault with deadly weapon for what I said, in fact he never had a weapon, I was drunk and tried to cut myself he just took it away from me. I do not want to get in trouble, I do not want to be in jail and is embarrassing if my parents findout I lied. If I tell the truth on court day will I get in a big trouble? This happened in January 2019 in Texas. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
 
Hello,I need some advice. I have been with my partner 6 months and we are now married. I was aware of a court case with his ex partner regarding his child. The case alleges domestic and emotional abuse which he always denied. Some of the allegations are very extreme. I do not believe they are possible. Over time he has shown some controlling tendencies but says it’s stuff he is working on and it’s normally shut down pretty quickly. We have had a few arguments which nearly always start by him criticising me and me defending my opinion or reasons, often my response provocates him as he says he is trying to help and improve me. He always calms down in the end and apologises. He always explains that some things trigger him to remember his ex and brings back the trauma which makes him wonder whether all her alleged abuse is true (the emotional side of things). He said she has an anger problem and the abuse was actually the other way round whereby she used to hit him and pull his hair.He has gone away for some time and left all the court paperwork in the house. I had seen some allegations before but have now seen some police reports from years ago that allege abuse. The recent fact finding hearing was found in his ex partners favour, she could not agree with all the allegations as there was no evidence, but a voice recording of one of their arguments (which I have not heard) was enough for her to say that she thinks it is likely he is controlling and manipulative and has been emotionally abuse. I’m scared he may be lying to me and this may get progressively worse over time. However he has been wonderful to me and I believe his previous relationship was very toxic. I don’t know what to believe any more. I have no one to talk to on the matter and I know if I speak to friends or family they will freak out. He has only met a few of my friends and they can see we are happy together.It’s hard to judge whether I too am being manipulated. I can’t talk directly with him as he openly asked me in the beginning to question him, and I did and was satisfied. I’m not sure whether bringing up stuff again is just my paranoia, and he is beginning to forget all the stuff that has happened so I feel like it’s best forgotten? I appreciate any advice you may have. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Love can be a very complex thing; If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance of lasting. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

Who do I call when 911 Sacramento sherrifs dpt fails me? I’ve called 911 2xs now on my neighbor for throwing his wife to the ground. As I was on the phone with 911 he was outside hiding his gun. I was telling the 911 operator this. Sherrifs dpt came out done nothing. A month ago he called 911 saying she was having a seizure. Zero history if seizures. He beat her up pretty bad. She wasn’t able to say what happened due to her condition. We know the fear and issues that come with why the abused stays. I just called 911 on him for hitting her and they showed up said we got a report of fighting going on here, the abuser says nothing going on here and they left. So when the sherrif dpt fails u repeatedly what other option are there before shes dead. Btw he punched her in the nose and try to chock her today. Took cops 45 min to get here. From what my x-cop sister says if we dont show up right away we dont care.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we also want to thank you for being an amazing advocate for your neighbor’s wife. What you have described sounds horrible and we are so saddened to hear that that was  your experience with law enforcement. Unfortunately we do not have a straightforward answer to your question, because we are not a law enforcement-based agency and cannot speak on issues regarding jurisdiction and responding to cases. However, our agency works closely with law enforcement in the community and even have embedded advocates within some agencies. Our main concern in responding and speaking to this situation would be to try and support her in getting services and resources to help her. We have many services, like Counseling, Emergency Shelter, Legal, and so many more, as well as resources within the community that could be helpful to her. Please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we will do everything we can to help her. 

I am the youngest of 3 daughters. I’ve been helping my elderly parents. My oldest sister 53 was homeless and moved in with us, along with her 23 year old daughter. My Mom has some Alzheimer’s. She is verbally, physically and psychologically abusing me and my Mom. Although she does not get physical with my Mom..she still screams at her. My Dad abused my Mom and I growing up. He lives with us too, but does nothing to protect us. I am in my 40’s but am afraid to move out and leave my Mom. Social services were ” anonymously ” called. My sister says shes going to get me kicked out. She is psychotic and unstable. What do I do to protect my Mom and myself ? My Psychiatrist knows all about my sisters abuse, as does many of my friends. I gave the worker all of that info.
My Mom is 81 years old. Her and I cannot take much more. 
As a result I’ve developed heart problems. I’ve always been so healthy. Help !!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we cannot imagine how upsetting this must be for you. It sounds like a very complex, challenging family situation and we are glad you were brave enough to take the stands that you did. Is Adult Protective Services involved in the situation? If a caseworker has been assigned, we would encourage you to communicate with them frequently as well as contacting law enforcement to file incident reports regarding what is occurring. We would also like to ask you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can provide you with resources for agencies that specialize in family violence. Again, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. 
i am disabled,i use a prescription pain killer,my wife steals my pain medicine,and she uses other legal and illegal drugs(may be),contacted local police department and they said that they cannot do nothing,contacted her and mine doctor,also he said that he cannot do any thing,what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you have been going through this with your wifes. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial for you to seek out counseling services and receive support. You might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options.We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My best friend is being abused by her boyfriend and she went to the police and brought them pictures for evidence that he put his hands on her plus she made a statement and had all the bruises and and scars to prove it in person. She left him at the time she went to the police which was a few weeks ago but then she went back to him after they told her to stay away from him… he wants her to remove the warrant they have for his arrest is that possible? Can she actually tell the cops she wants to remove the warrant? I just don’t want her to do this anymore i wish she would just let this piece of crap go but shes so blindly in love with him… Can I please get some advice so I can let her know not to even go there and try to remove the warrant because I honestly think she is the one who will end up in trouble for supposedly misleading the cops but I have no idea how that works… Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter and you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. If you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you or your friend would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
My wife was in a physical altercation picking up her son from her ex husbands house. He yelled in her face an and pushed her from behind into a wall. What is my/our recourse or options.

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you and your wife are going through with her ex-husband. That sounds really hard to be going through. Unfortunately, if your wife doesn’t want help, you can’t force her to get it. That has to be a decision she makes on her own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you and your wife to make the best choice that works for your family. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.

My adult son and I moved into an apartment in California recently. He and I both signed the lease. He agreed to pay utilities and I pay the rent. He has since decided he wasn’t going to pay until I apologize to him. He has been bullying me with texts for over a week and I have to lock my bedroom door because I’m afraid he might do something. What can I do? I want him out.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

I was part of a domestic assault from my husband. There was a report made and charges filed right along with a no contact order filed as well. We have a 6 year old daughter and when I left for a battered wemons shelter she went with me. I left my husband have her for the weekend cuz I’m not one to try and take away there child but now he refuses to let me have her back. What do I do? My daughter is my world. And he has used taking her away from me before and he knows it drives a spike in my chest to go along with what’s hes done to me physically.. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through at the moment. If you live in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling and legal services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.
 
I was a resident at a Men’s Domestic Violence Shelter in 2018. Seeking refuge from a home invasion kidnapping that happened to me at my home in KCK. While I was a resident there I was attacked by my roommate a man who the manager New was dangerous. The overnight advocate was asleep with a sleep apnea mask strapped to his head. I need to know what type of insurance do Domestic Violence Shelters carry. Homeowners????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.


 
My partner (fiancé) will not leave my house. I’ve asked more times than I can count. The house is in my name and I keep asking to go. I’m seven months pregnant now and he’s strangled me / pushed me / hit me / yelled / screamed. Part of it is he struggles with alcohol. I’m afraid to lose my home but I’m more afraid that I’ll lose this baby, if he won’t leave. Do I have any rights? Can I do anything about him not leaving? Please help any advice would be appreciated thank you Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your child, their number is 916.875.5437. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling and legal services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My ex-boyfriend has severe anger problems that seem to be getting worse as time goes by. The past week it reached new levels that I have never seen before. He grabbed me, swung a glass bottle towards the back of my head (it did not hit me), and threw a chair across our living room. A day later he seemed to be back to normal. We live in different states and see each other on the weekends. My friend was in a car accident yesterday and I offered to take her to the hardware store. Upon the drive home, I start to receive dozens of dozens of calls from which I ignored because I felt this was not going to be good. Then I start to receive dozens of profanity laced text messages stating horrible things about. Finally, he told me that he called the police and reported my car as stolen. Although, the car belongs to me. The harassment got so bad that I had to block him across the board on everything. How should I go forward? One friend told me that I should report the harassment to the police because there is fear that he might show up to my home. Another, felt that I should inform his employer because he’s in a field that is around a lot of people and having that sort of rage can be detrimental to their safety. What should I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if your former abuser ever assaults you again. If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

My sister is 8 months pregnant with a boyfriend that checks off all the boxes for emotional and mental abuse. Most recently he’s threatened to physically hurt her, or wait until she gives birth to their child and then hurt her and put her back in the hospital if she doesn’t give him money. Is there anything we can do as her family legally to make him reconsider his words and potential actions? I’ve asked her to report him and she breaks down into tears saying she doesn’t want him to go to jail, but I’m concerned for her safety and in the future, the baby’s safety.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry to hear about what your sister is experiencing in her relationship and we cannot imagine how hard it is to see her go through that. You are an amazing support system and advocate for her and we sincerely appreciate you reaching out on her behalf. That takes courage. From what you described, this sounds like a very serious situation and we are concerned for the safety of your sister and her baby. We have a few suggestions on possible action that could be taken to help your sister. You could contact law enforcement and ask them to do a welfare check on her, so that she may possibly feel safer and want to talk to them about whats happening and maybe take some action to protect herself. You could also contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, all the advocates who provide support on that line are mandated reporters and can do a CPS report on your behalf for her. If you would like to discuss this further please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have a friend, who has a friend, that has been married to her husband for 30 years. From my knowledge, he’s never physically abused her, just mentally and emotionally. She has brought up divorce and he has threatened her. My friend has opened her home to her friend, if she ever wanted to leave. Her friend is afraid of what her husband may do to all surrounding people who help her. She’s afraid to leave him. Is there a report the wife can make? What can she do? Can I call to see if PD is willing to make a home visit? I don’t want the day where something does happen and it’s too late.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to your friend and we want to thank you for being such an amazing advocate to her. We can only imagine how hard it is to see your friend go through this, but we have lots of support and services we feel could be helpful to her. To answer your more specific questions, she could definitely do a report with law enforcement where she could possibly press charges and get an emergency protective order. You could also call and ask them to do a welfare check on her if you feel she is in danger. You could also give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and ask her to call us. Our crisis counselors can assess her situation further, get her connected to our services as well as resources within the community. 

I had enough of his mental abuse telling me my home is not mine everything is all the money in the bank is his and I can’t touch none of it and that’s why he took my name off of my savings joint account with them he forged my name and I was never aware of that until now I want to know what I have to do and is she going to go to jail is the big picture because I am tired of being abused and neglected by so-called husband that cares about me but he doesn’t kiss about the money he doesn’t want me to have nothing he says everything is not mine but I know half of everything is mine I just don’t know how you go about the forgery of the joint account savings account I need to know what to do next. He had no right to forge my name to take me off of my savings account with him a joint account all that money in there is not mine says it’s his she has nothing and when my name was on the joint account I barely went to the bank to get money she did that when I took out $100 so I can pay my bills and that’s what he was up to set about and that’s why he forged my signature to take me off of my account with them

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are dealing with some financial abuse within your relationship as well as other forms of abuse. Financial abuse, although not discussed as often as the other types of abuse, is tremendously common. Financial Abuse may include withholding resources, stealing from the victim, or using the victims name to incur debt. We want you to know you are not alone and we are here to help you. We have Legal Advocates who may be able to provide support in this area, and you can contact them by leaving a message at 916.319.4944. However, their scope of practice is only through Sacramento County, so if your case would be occurring outside of that please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more resources in your community.  

Hi I was bullied into signing my divorce papers almost 3 years ago . I was thrown out of our marital home after being married for almost 3 years I was threatened and blackmailed into signing the divorce agreement without representation . I was emotionally and psychologically abused by a narcissist for the week that I was moving out of state . I feel that the divorce agreement was very weak and I’m still paying debts from the marriage on a very meager salary my ex will not help me with any credit card debt anything like that. I was a domestic in the marriage I didn’t have a job he is a very well-off owns his own home I’m living in a trailer . He came down here on a week vacation with his new girlfriend without telling me and was in establishments that I visit frequently I almost walked in on them . What the hell I’ve been through emotionally the past 2 1/2 years I don’t know how I would’ve reacted to a surprise and shock like that so I’m thinking of getting a restraining order to.
I was suicidal when he threw me out and totally traumatized and in shock . I didn’t recognize the man who is used to be my husband it was frightening !! I had all the neighbors on high alert because I didn’t know what he was capable of his anger was off the charts . I have a little money now that I feel I could sue him for emotional damage and for breach of contract and to get some of this debt.
I just want to stand up for myself in the way that I was not able to at the time . Is it too late to get a lawyer and fight him he’s in another state our divorce is final but I was thinking of opening up a new case with all of my mental health documentation.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding this situation, we are so sorry for everything you went through and can only imagine how traumatizing that all was. It is not okay how you were treated and how this all came about, and we can understand why you would want to take legal action. Unfortunately we cannot answer specific legal questions on this forum. Is you case through Sacramento County? If so, you can contact our Legal Advocates to learn more about your options and your rights, at 916.319.4944. Our legal advocates scope of practice is Sacramento County so if your case would be outside that please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get connected to further resources in your community or the National DV Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

My husband of 10 years is probably having some mental problems, since from time to time we fight over the fact that he “works”, and he hates to work or at least what he says. He is normally very shy, and not so capable person. I was forced to open my own company and have him a job 8 years ago, since most places he went people abused his kindness. He should be happy that i did so many sacrifices to have him work, and days off without concerns. .. [edited for content]…He jumped and hit me in the head really hard two times. I was on the sofa, and the slaps where so hard that I collapsed sideways. My face got red, and I told him I’ll call the cops. He jumped again and started to choke me, i was gasping for air, and he said that he would kill me before I call the cops. This is the 2nd time he is hitting me like that, only this time is harder. Last time my mom was on the phone with me and called 911, he got arrested.Me, being stupid cleared him out from all records, since I am ex- law enforcement, and have my ways. This time he was very violent and threatened my life by choking me. Its so ironic, I have sacrificed so much for this person to be productive in society, and this is what I get. I could’ve called 911, but I have upcoming law enforcement job opportunity and hold on to it because of that. Ultimately, my face is very swallowed and I feel really low. I do feel abused to the point where I question my safety. I have 2 small kids and everything that we own is under my name so I do not worry about this.I do believe he has other ways to fulfill his intimate needs, and punish me for the reason why he provides for the family. That to me seems mental issue. 
Not sure what to do. 
By the way, NOBODY hit me in the head that hard throughout my entire life.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings and your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we cannot imagine how upsetting this situation is. We want you to know that you are not alone, and that your experiences are unfortunate and incredibly common. Violence is not okay, and violence has no place in a healthy relationship. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We want you to know that you have options, and you should not have to live your life in fear. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and trained crisis counselors can provide you with the support you need, connection to our services, and resources within our community. 

My neighbor is constantly screaming at his six year old cursing and using the n word .Is there anything I can do to help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today, we understand that this sounds like a very upsetting situation and we want to do everything we can to help. All of us crisis counselors working on the 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, are mandated reporters whose duty it is to report child abuse or neglect. If you feel that the child mentioned is being abused or neglected, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line and we can assess the situation further in order to file a report if needed. Thank you for being a wonderful advocate for this community! 

My wife left me and me and her have a son together how i have with me at are home and she has her son im was step dad to but i found out that why wife wantd full custody of my son and i want full custody because the perosn she is trying ro be with is ready for this the othere baby daddy who is a convited felony child abuse naglect child indangerment and it was her other son that was besten by this man at age 3 and she is running back to him this can not ve legeal for her he has no right and i cant see how goting back to that man that almost killed your child is ok there has to be something i can do to stop her from makeing this desition i dont want my wife back but i dont wanna have to keep my son from her but my son will not be put in that type of postion ant advice would be great

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we appreciate your courage in reaching out today. This sounds like an incredibly upsetting situation and we cannot imagine what it feels like to go through this, we are so sorry. Based on what you described in your message, it sounds like you are looking for support in navigating some sort of Child Custody situation? If that is accurate then you would want to contact our Legal Advocates via the Legal Voicemail. That number is 916.319.4944, please leav your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly. However, our Legal Advocate’s scope of practice is through Sacramento County. If your legal situation is occurring outside of Sacramento County please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and be provided resources in your county. 
I really have no one to talk too about my situation. Two years ago, my husband hit me. I was trying to leave from his constant verbal and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for 28 years. For all these years he has had a porn addiction. He used my iPad to check his emails on it and never erased his account from my device. I noticed as in the past he was going to the bathroom with his phone for hours. I became curious and checked the emails. Well I was shocked at the filth and the chat rooms he was in. His Facebook showed young girls he had befriended and the YouTube accounts showed young possibly underage girls dancing and some yes stripping. I questioned him about what I had found and he didn’t denied any of it. This started the increase of verbal abuse towards me. I was trying to leave and I had my bags on my shoulder they were heavy. In front of his two adult daughters he held me down and he punched me in my shoulder. The impact caused the bags to fly off my shoulder and my rotator cuff to rip. My oldest daughter shout to her dad to stop and he better not ever hit me again. My husband admitted he hit me too. Till this day my daughters and husband has forgotten what happened and they say he never hit me. Is everyone but me suffering from amnesia… my shoulder hurts constantly and my daughters are verbally abusing me too. Why Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this with your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
 
I have 3kids . I am married for 17 yrs now . My husband was arrested for assault but was released on bail. Now he is back and is asking me to help him to change . He said he recognized his mistake and is doing for kids till they go to college. It’s 7 yrs to go for that . He promises that he will leave for while when he starts escalating . He said he needs support to become nice but also warns not to call police and get him arrested,
Can I trust him ? He has ruined by peace of mind by verbally abusing me , emotionally torturing me and economically making mock of me for earning low in come . He has hit me but not to extent of bleeding. I am economically dependent on him . Can you send me a copy of answer to following email Id? Thanks.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. We understand you would like us to reach out to you through your email, but due to confidentiality issues we can’t. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I am the victim of domestic violence when my 20yo step son stabbed me several times puncturing a lung where I spent nearly a week in the hospital. He was incarcerated immediately for attempted murder. 
His mother/my spouse immediately started supporting him. She retained an attorney that is the best in the state, tried mitigating the extent of the injuries, has constantly called him, the mail is always gone and seems that her concern is not for me.
I communicated my feelings of betrayal and insensitivity of the actions I endured. After our conversation/argument about the situation there is no resolve. I guess I would expect full support. Is that not possible due to the incident being her child?
I now have to fight for my rights as a victim since the state prosecutor is too busy to do anything with my case. The defense has hired a special investigation team to mitigate the damages.
What should I do?
It was all caused from drugs, he has threatened to kill me previously, very unstable person. I walked in the house, asked him to leave since my wife called me due to him being crazy throwing things around and being violent. I asked him to leave where he immediately began stabbing me.
What do I do in this case?!?!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we can only imagine how upsetting and horrible this must have been, we are so sorry that this happened. It sounds like you are looking for some legal advice, and we would love to support you in that. If you are able to, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can connect you with legal resources best suited for your situation. Again, we can only imagine how difficult this has been for you and we are terribly sorry. 

I’m very uncomfortable with my counselor and there has been violation of my confidentially domestic violence issues and problems with family and imtimate partner of about 10 years ago harassment sexual abuse how can i get away from falling victum to their..everyone knows each other conflict..slander too want to press charges 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want to do everything we can to help you. It is unclear what your question is exactly so if you could contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where we can provide you further support. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for two months and he found out I cheated he was upset we separated for a while then he found out I had a male friend which was only that, a friend, and he got angry and hit me twice he held me down to keep me from screaming and calling the police but I love him but now I want to press charges what should I do I’m still sore from the entire thing

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry you are going through this and want to commend you for your courage and bravery in reaching out today. We can only imagine how upsetting that must have been, and we want you to know that you are not alone. You have many options and support in navigating this process and we are here to help you. If you are interested in pressing charges, you can contact the Law Enforcement agency that has responded to your situation most recently, and if you are interested in having any support in that, such as possibly an advocate, you can contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We also have a Legal Line that you could call to leave a message for one of our Legal Advocates to return, that number is 916.319.4944. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County, and if you need resources and support outside of this county don’t hesitate to call our Support Line. Please know you are not alone and we are here for you. 
My husband threw me out of house on lies he got 2 year order protection threw me out with no money I am divorcing him now and he wants me to pay 50’percentvmarital debt Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, however we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.
 
I am an twenty something year old adult still living at home with my parents (the Bay Area is expensive, I’m saving to move out soon). I’ve been exposed to violence since an early age, my mother would discipline my sisters and I when we were younger, sometimes for no reason after her mother and brother died when I was in elementary school. Her brother moved in when I was in high school, after he got out of jail for beating his girlfriend, he used an object to crack her skull. Thankfully she has recovered and never took him back. Since then my uncle has been abusive to other partners and he got kicked out of my house when I was 17 after he choked his child’s mother, at our house. He had a newborn at the time and we let his girlfriend stay with her child, as we knew that my uncle was in the wrong. Fast forward 8 years and he still beats his wife, got kicked out of his living place and my mother wants to bring him into our house again. I’m torn by this and feel very unsafe/uncomfortable about this situation. He drinks and has done drugs which only makes his anger issues worse. He’s threatened my family before and has hit other women in my family. My mother is in denial and thinks that we have a vendetta against him, she keeps saying to give him a chance but he has never gotten help or therapy. He is almost 50 and I understand he has no where to go, but he’s never tried to get professional help, he only asks his sisters for money or a place to stay temporarily, but this always ends up being long term. I am scared as there are four women in my household and my uncle has battered multiple women. How can I help my mother understand that I feel unsafe? I don’t want to bother anyone by living elsewhere temporarily, my siblings and I both told my mother we don’t think he should stay with us. What can I do? I don’t have enough money to rent anywhere for more than a few months. This has really taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally, especially because my mother constantly picks fights with me because we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to her brother. I think group family therapy will be good for us, I just don’t know what else to do. I’m trying to hang in there. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
I was wondering if I could report child abuse without being 100% sure. I heard people yelling and kids screaming “no” and a lot of loud banging. It worries me so much bc I went through that as a child. I dont want to get anyone in trouble if nothing is going on but i really want to make sure those kids are safe. I just moved to the place I’m at and when I heard all of that I started crying bc I didn’t know if those kids were safe. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. You might want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect the neighbor’s children, their number is 916-875-5437. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
I am divorcing my husband of 21 years. We lost our daughter to suicide almost 3 years ago and we have never been the same. I was the one who found my daughter so I have much trauma from that but I have tried to pull myself together for our 2 sons. At first my husband and I were the closest we had been in years but after 2 months he started an affair with another woman. I discovered this and he admitted it and told me he no longer loved me and wanted to start a new life with this other woman. He moved out and it did not work. I let him move back and tried to work things out. He became very suicidal constant threats, it was absolutely traumatizing to me But I tried to support him. The problem was I could do no right. I didn’t get up at the right time, I didn’t smile the right way, I didn’t have the sex he wanted. I was exhausted and met another man that gave me attention. A much younger man and it felt good. I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I spent the next year and a half dealing with his threat to commit suicide If I left him. (He actually put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, he knew there was no bullets, but I didn’t). I finally convinced him to get a place of his own and I filed for divorce. The problem now is he has hacked into my social media accounts has found my personal journals stalks my house, work place, my friends houses and places I frequent. I have a restraining order in place, I’ve had him baker acted for 11 days. He changes phones and calls and texts me everyday and if he can’t get ahold of me he goes through our sons. He says that I am attacking him by living my life. I have been on a few dates and have more Of a social life. I feel like my actions have nothing to do with him. What should I do? Agree to not see any men until our divorce is final or will this continue. He has just about convinced me that maybe I am doing wrong. I’m so mentally exhausted I just want it to stop. I need help Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to counseling or legal resources, you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.
 
A friend was threatened by alleged spouse’s mistress of killing her, would this affect him if he has prior domestic violence against him
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.

My husband and I have been together 8 years. Throughout our relationship we have had periods of time where he goes from being loving and a considerate partner and father to being abrasive, distant, eventually escalating to the point where he is short tempered with me, our children, even our pets. It happened again last night, it’s been awhile since it happened so I guess I didn’t see it coming or I was just stupid in handling it. He was being very, mean…short. Yelling at the kids, the dog. Once I put our kids to bed I asked what was wrong. He screamed and shattered a plate over his face. He calmed down and apologized, seemed almost normal. Then he woke up this morning being cruel again, screaming at the children. Putting me down. I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. I have no friends anymore, years ago my friends wanted me to leave him and he said it was them that was the problem. I don’t even have social media of any kind. The few people we interact with all think he is great, kind, friendly etc. I guess I don’t know what to do, or if I am overreacting. I don’t know if it was my fault for asking him what was wrong. I have thought about leaving, but worry over how it will effect my kids and also financially keeps me here.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You are not overreacting and should never feel like the person you love is putting you down. One thing you can do if you feel comfortable with it is check with your children and see how they are doing and feeling. Some art activities can express their emotions also. Witnessing and experiencing verbal abuse can be very hard for all of you. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing. We want you to know WEAVE is here for you and if you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or connect to resources, we do offer a variety of services. If you are considering leaving and want to know some option, we can help you with that. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If talking to someone in person is something, you would like we do have walk-in triage with counselors Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center.

My boyfriend and I both cops working same department, same shift and sometimes same vehicle.
He will get angry everytime another male colleague talks to me , he will get anxious when I receive a phone call and he will want to know who was calling.
After work he will strangle, choke me in the car on our way home. He stays with me by my place , he has his own place that he is renting but never stayed in it from the time we started dating. In 2018 he punched me with his fist on my face I sustained an open wound a cut on my right eye and a blue eye, I took overdose of sleeping tablets 60 of them at once I woke up in hospital with lots of cubes on me he said to me I should say I was involved in a car accident because that is what he said when he brought me in the hospital so I said so too.
I went to help out a friend who had a miscarriage and he went out to see his friends.
He continued phoning me and my phone was flat I sent him an SMS telling him that my battery was flat so he phoned me on my friend’s phone and he started to get angry on the phone and asked where I was and I told him I was still with my friend and I took her to the shop to get something to eat. I entered my house and he wasn’t home I took some sleeping tablet and fell asleep, my 11 year old son was home sleeping when I got home on the couch in the lounge.
When he arrived home I was still sleeping I was woken up by a fist on my stomach and lots of questions about my phone and why I didn’t phone him, he hit me from my bedroom with fists all over my body and face, he dragged me on the floor and tore the red vest top I was wearing into pieces, dragged me from my bedroom passed the lounge where my son was sleeping and he woke up and saw and he dragged me to the kitchen, lifted me up and put me on top of the sink and punched me full on my stomach , then took me to the lounge and punched me full on my face and I could hear birds singing on my ears.
He then went to the toilet and I heard him peeing I took my car keys and ran outside , jumped into my car and started it and reversed and there he was he tried to open the doors and I locked them from inside.
He broke the front passenger’s window on my car , shattered into pieces , I ran to a colleague’s place and she phoned our colleagues to come and attend to my complaint “Domestic Violence ” they then asked him to leave and go to his place.
He came back to my place begging outside and asking me to open for him and I refused he was apologizing and eventually he opened the window in the lounge and got hold of my son’s arm and apologized to him and told him he loves and care about him.
I asked him to leave my son alone and go away and we wanted to sleep so when we wake up I will phone him and we can talk.
He refused to go away and was making a noise outside I then phoned our colleagues to come attend the DV Complaint, he was asked to go away and this time it was a different shift.
He then left , I tried to sleep.I woke up and realised that my left leg could not stand , it was very sore but not swollen up. I tried to walk but couldn’t.The female colleague then came to my house and took me to hospital ER emergency side. I was attended to and I sustained a left broken ankle, Xrays were done , I sustained 2 broken ribs and 1 cracked rib , bruises, blue eye, bruises all over my body and arms.
I was then discharged from hospital same day. My colleague advised me to open a case against him and have him arrested and do a protection order against him. I have thought about it and I couldn’t do it because I know he will lose his job and probably be jailed about it.
I do love him and never wronged him not even once, I then decided to send him an SMS because I have no one to take my son to school, I was doing so but now I was put on a MoonBoot so I cannot drive my son to school nor can do anything because my ribs are broken.
He came back to my house and doing the duties I used to do at home like washing, cooking, hanging clothes, taking my son to and from school. He is basically taking care of me now. I want him to pay for what he did and suffer I even make him wash my underwear and hang it. I am so angry because I allowed him to abuse me and because he knows I will not pay any charges on him , he knows I feel sorry for him.
What can I do to make him pay for what he did to me?
He promised to replace my window for my car that he broke.
He promised to seek professional help to see a physcologist but he hasn’t made an appointment yet. I made an appointment for my son for counseling and am booked off sick from work until May. I missed out on working public holidays for extra cash and I am missing out on working night shifts for extra income because I am off sick. I want him to pay for what he did to me and I feel like everytime I asked him if he made an appointment to seek professional help , he is always making excuses.
I asked him why he act the way he does and he said when his father passed away in 2010 he got so angry and he was attending the sessions with the psychologist and he finished his sessions. Please help me , I want him to pay for his mistake and learn from them.
On this day, we still staying together in my place and he is helping me with my son to take him to school and fetch him after school. He is assisting with the house chores but he is not an affectionate guy he doesn’t touch nor hold or cuddle I’ve accepted that with him and I do it to him when I feel like.
We both work for Police Department and I would not like to see him behind bars and lose his job that is not my wish for him.
I know the consequences of Domestic Violence especially at our work. I want him to get help but once I am healed I am thinking of ending things for good with him.I tried before to end our relationship when I saw the abuse the 1st time but he refused to be dumped.I tried so many times and everytime I try to leave him he will hit me.
He claims he loves me and he said he even left his own place to be with me , he is jealous and I’m starting to think he is obsessed with me.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Everything you discuss with the advocate is private, confidential and protected, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court in case there is a court process.
 
Yesterday I called 911 because of chest pain ; I had a panic attack. My fiancé called off our engagement. We waited for the ambulance for about 20 minutes. My pain started to decrease so I called them off. But police still came. And they questions us. I told them we had a argument and they classified it as domestic violence. Why? My fiancé has never done anything to me in that way ; physically or emotionally. How can I take it off? Please help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
How do I get evidence on my parent’s abuse? They take any phone I get ahold of to record evidence, and most of the time they don’t leave severe marks on me. They’re also really mentally abusive. They lock me in the house. At our old house, we had alarms on every door and window, and every window was nailed shut. I couldn’t leave unless it was to school. My parents also call me fat, they use food as a discipline, and I’ve been held under big recliner chairs and couldn’t get out from under it because my step-dad was holding it down on me. I don’t know what to do because every time I report it they say I don’t have enough evidence, and my parents always say that I’m a liar that there’s “no proof.” I don’t know what to do. I know they have old videos somewhere of them getting in a physical fight with me. But they use those as “proof” that I am physically abusive, but I don’t know if they’ve deleted it or not. And my parents have had (some how) joint custody of me with DHS. They said that they couldn’t take care of me! So they “gave me up.” But they wanted to have joint custody so they could control what happened to me and where I would go. They said that they didn’t want me to have priveledges. They said I needed to be somewhere where I wasn’t allowed to do anything except go to school. So I ended up In “Creekside Shelter” in Roseburg Oregon… And DHS recently sent me to a group home in Kansas City for families that have been broken, and it’s not helping, because every time I go home for a “visit” I get mentally and physically abused and treated wrong, and since I’m in this program, they don’t allow us to have our phones or anything and I’ve reported these things, but they really can’t do much. :( I don’t know what to do, please help! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. What you are going through is very scary and you needs as much support as you could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. To find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or give the National Domestic Violence hotline a call at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
 

My brother has always had a temper. He blows up at the littlest things and blames my parents for basically everything. One time during an argument he said my mom blamed her having cancer on him. Still the main point is that he has set fire to this bridge once he bought his new house with his fiance. We do not like her because she dose not pick up a dish, help out or even pretend to be in a good mood. At one point she told my mom to “grow up” and my mom then got mad and told her she was the parent and not to disrespect elders. Well she tattled on my mom to my brother and he went nuts on my mom. Shouting all these things to her that come from nowhere, when he gets like this nothing can calm him down. Here’s my problem, I was talking to the fiance and she told me how he blows up, should get help, that the group therapist told her to avoid predatory people like my brother. She then asked if I can keep a secret secret. I say yeah and the yellow and green bruise that she claimed was from “yard work” was him. They got into a fight about ant traps and how he kept asking where to put them. She didn’t care and he got upset and punched her leg. That bruise that my mom told her to get x-rayed because it may be broken was from him. I am angry at him, angry at her for staying with him, and angry at myself for not warning her enough. I told her my brother had that mean side from the beginning. It wasn’t enough, he is so cheap that he doesn’t want to get help unless it’s free. I am afraid his free anger management may be from jail. He hasn’t hit their dog. He has put holes in the wall from when he lived with us. Cut up shirts mom got him just to get back at her. What do I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions, you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line 916.264.5471.
 
I caught my boyfriend a few times talking to his ex on social media and I forgave him because I loved him and thought this was the last time. In 2017 he punched across the face as I laid down next to baby to breastfeed him. I was upset that he wasn’t up waiting for me knowing how late it was getting. All he had to do was hug me and I would have been but instead, he turns his back on me and ignores me. This gets me very upset and I start to yell that he doesn’t care about me. He threatens to punch me, I tell him to do it and he does. He was arrested and taken to jail. His parents and his sister started yelling at me telling me I was a piece of shit for doing what I did. I didn’t sleep that night. The second incident happened on April 5th, 2019. He grabbed my laptop and smashed it because I refused to give him a ride to do some errands. My two-year-old witnessed the whole thing. I called the police and was arrested yet again. I spoke to him after 3 weeks and all he had to say was that if I want to continue talking to him that I better take off the restraining order and that he was going to pay child support. All I saw in him was pure rage/anger. Throughout our relationship, he said I sucked at pretty much anything I set my mind to. Why did he do this? My kids got stuck in the middle of all of this and that makes me feel terrible. I don’t have any intentions of taking off the restraining order and is once again email his ex through social media and I’m guessing they text as well. He contacted her immediately a day later after he was released from jail. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
So I have a question. Or more like I need to take something off my head. I’ve been taking online classes and got a job in selling phones a few months ago. Well anyway, while I was at my job selling phones, for some weird reason. I start panicking, and start trembling, my hands start trembling. It was so bad that I went back home and told my mom that I have some weird sort of panicky attack. I was so upset I acted that way that I started crying to her. And I was so glad she was listening, everything was okay. I decided to not go to work and my father comes to me. Trying to be “nice” or something. And continues on bothering about my anxiety of other people and that it was ridiculous to be afraid of talking to other people. I just kept quite because there was no point on saying anything. And he keeps on saying how is not his fault this is happening, but never in my head I though it was his Fault until he points it out. Now that I’m thinking about, he is always gets upsets for the most slightly things. Sometimes if I don’t talk like a robot or show fear than I’m being disrespectful. Every-time he slap me in the face he would say it’s because of my attitude. Which I never understood, so I was always extremely careful with my word when I go out in the world. Because he said that’s what would happen if I go to the world. So I was really scare to speak in general in public.. Specially if I speak my own Mind, my voice would break. Jesus, when have ever sound like myself. I’m always so submissive to other people that I think they can do whatever they want with me. I’m always so shy, and I hate this behavior because I feel like I’m not being myself, you know? And then he comes to my face and tells me how this issue I have with panicking attacks, it’s just an excuse to be a victim. I DON’T WANT TO BE A VICTIM, I WANT TO LIVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. And I’m so angry, so so angry. Because he is always this egotistical jerk, he would slap my face and then goes to my mom soon as he slap my face and tells her how funny my face was when he slap my face. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES That?? And then he has the guts to say to my face that I’m just trying to play the victim and that this is just in my head, and that I shouldn’t get into it too much. That this is not real at all! Back at that time I was like “maybe he is right, maybe is All in my head and is not real!” Well that was a lie apparently, because I’m still trying to deal with it. I’m still terrified to look people in the eyes and it’s fuckinh killing me!!! I don’t want to be like that! I want to be able to connect with people, to meet new great people, to go out and live and not be bother by others. To not be bloody stupid!
But now I’m self-aware that I’m now stuck in my house. I don’t go out at all, only to walk but to meet people. Then I got Better on talking, I got into classes that help me in communication skills. And social skills. I’m startint to get better but because of college. I’m usually at home, stuck. And this means I get to think a lot. I’m being thinking to much lately. And I being noticing that I have let my father dictate my behavior and life my whole life. And it feels like I’m lying to myself! Like I’m not able to express myself! So I don’t know what to do, but what thing I know is that i need to live this place. I can’t stand that man, Richard, I can’t stand him. And I know people might say “oh but he is you father!” But no I refuse to call father to someone who makes me so emotionally exhausted. Right now I’m trying to get a psychologist. And be knows that, he mess up my papers. So I have to do a whole process again before I get to a psychologist. I want to get a job, but I’m afraid! The last one I have didn’t go so well. And I have been taking communication skills classes, and I suppose to go to a speech club but I never wanna go because I’m Scare. And I have sooo many things to do! And I need guidance I really really need guidance!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
I was physically assaulted with fists, kicked , chocked, strangled, dragged on the floor by my boyfriend as a results I sustained a broken ankle on the left foot, bruises, blue eye on my face, 2 left ribs broken and 1 right cracked. Now when I’m passing stools there’s only blood and when I’m wiping there’s blood clots. What could be the problem ? I googled and found out that the Spleen could be damaged !!! Could that be a problem or something else , I don’t have piles Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your boyfriend, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
Why do I fight back it just makes things worse.He calls me names tells me I am uhly stupid not to talk I am isolated haowove no one.I do not know why he hates me.I do everything we are not a couple he would rather watch porn than be with me Wich is fine..Help me diffuse him when everything I do is wrong. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
So right now my parents are right over custody because my mom had recently found out my dad was abusing us and he had just recently threatened to kill us and my mom. The case for abuse got put down because I seemed unsure and we had no evidence and I had no broken bones. Will they do anything if I tell the Couselor or my school Officer? Even if I have no evidence because I was too scared to record and me and my brother were trembling in fear. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment  with your family. School personnel are mandated reporters of child abuse and child neglect. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect yourself and your brother, their number is 916.875.5437. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
So I dated my ex boyfriend for 6 months. During those 6 months he would get angry if I liked another guys picture and he would call me almost 30 times as I was driving to my first day of work. Also when he gets frustrated he grabs my leg and pulls the car door shut to keep me from getting out of the car. The other night he got mad at me for not hanging out with him and “ditching him” so he drove to my house I got in the car and he yelled at me about everything I’m doing wrong. When I wanted to leave the car he started to drive. He asked me if I still wanted to be with him and I said no. He then said twice that I’m going to make him commit suicide. I wanted to get out of the car and go inside my house but he started to drive and he asked me to punch him. I of course didn’t and then he punched himself twice in the face. I haven’t talked to him in a few days… and when I did he blamed his emotional outburst on his car expenses and his issues at his job. He said that the asking me to punch him was a joke. But it was scary. He says I nitpick him- but I don’t… he has lost a lot of weight mostly wears sweats so I just say that we should go shopping for new clothes and get matching outfits, I don’t say it mailiciously Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
 
How do you heal from an abusive relationship? How do I forgive myself for the mistakes that I made? I dated someone for four years. In the beginning it began with name calling and ignoring me. I had moved to a new town to go to college and he was one of the only people that I knew. I continued chasing him down and begging him to stay with me. We broke up and got back together several times. After about the first year together I went to his house to obtain my belongings that I had left their and I got down on my hands and knees to beg him to stay with me. He began choking me out on his living room floor and afterwards he threatened to call the police on me. I did not talk to him for three months afterwards and then we saw each other and got back together. Slowly it escalated to verbal abuse and then most recently physical violence again. We got in a fight the other day and he would not stop calling me names. So I tried to slap him and he beat me in the jaw while he was driving his car. Then when I went home and tried to talk about it with him he held me down in his bed and told me that he was going to kill me. I woke up the next morning and decided that I was going to leave. It was one of the hardest decisions that I ever made. Now he is ignoring me and will probably never talk to me ever again and I feel guilty about the whole situation like I contributed somehow. I really want an apology but I feel like I will never get it but I cannot seem to be at peace with the whole situation. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you to make the best choice that works for you and your daughter. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best for you. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916) 920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
 
So i have been living with my baby daddy who i use to date for about 6 years and he mentally sexually and physically abused me for 5 of those years has been abusive still throwing things at me yelling at me calling me names and punching things while our daughter is in the room my boyfriend trys to stand up to him sometimes and reacently he tried to take a knife to me but my curent boyfriend stepped in and got his hand cut up. me and my boyfriend and my 6 month old daughter are trying to get out but dpont really have anywhere to go. my boyfriend is going to job core soon but my mom wont let me stay with her and my father is homeless. my question is where can i go with my 6 month old daughter can i go to you guys or do you know of anywhere else that offers tmparary housing for a mother and infant. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

If I was charged with DV 1st if my step daughter is the one who help lie to get me put in jail what can I do because I really didn’t committee this crime but the law enforcement is the one who pushed it and it’s been 3 years almost.

I got a public defender but he works for the state a free lawyer how much would it cost to get a good lawyer

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear you are going though this right now. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If there is any other support you need, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I just need to vent. I am my aging husbands caretaker. He needs assistance getting dressed, getting using the restroom etc. He falls constantly because his legs have become weak. It is a frustrating situation for both of us. Lately he treats me like I don’t know how to care a wound he has on his ankle and repeatedly tells me what the nurse said about dressing the wound. I get upset because I feel he thinks I don’t know how to dress the wound. Tonight he called me a name, something he never does and told me to get away from him because he doesn’t want to hit me, again something he never does. He is almost 73 and his outbursts are increasing. Could he be getting dementia? My first instinct is to get as far away from him as possible but then reason takes over. I can’t leave him. Who would care of him? 
Besides this is my home too and I have no money to move. Second our family would never forgive me if I left him. I am hurt by the name calling and threat of physical abuse. I just don’t know what to do. Can you give me advice. I need to hear a voice of reason. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we appreciate your strength and courage. Being a caregiver to someone you love and have devoted your life to is an immense burden, and at time a thankless, endless task. Our agency provides support in the areas of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking in Sacramento County, so it is difficult for us to answer your question relating to him possibly having dementia as an explanation for recent behavior changes. However, we would like to encourage you to reach out to his primary care doctor and see if they could provide you that assessment because it could very well be a possibility. We understand how difficult and upsetting this situation must be for you, and we also feel like our instinct reaction to those threats and that amount of constant stress would be to run away as well! You need more support, and reaching out to his doctor would be a great first step. We are here for you, and if you need more resources within your community please call 916.920.2952. 
My boyfriend and I are both college students. He’s not physically abusive necessarily but he restrains me, holds me down, pulls my hair, and has squeezed me so tight that I’m in pain. He does this whenever we get into a fight and I try to leave. It’s almost always when we’re intoxicated, only twice when we’re sober. The other day someone saw everything that happened and reported him to the police for assault and disorderly conduct. We go to a small school and I’m terrified of going to class tomorrow knowing everyone knows. He is the most charismatic person I know and he tells everyone I’m crazy and making this stuff up. The police went to multiple of our friends houses looking for him and I’m so ashamed because I never called the cops nor did I want any of this to happen. He’s never hurt me bad enough to where I feel like people should know or that I’ve felt like my life was in danger. I am scared of him when he gets like this but I don’t want to break up either. I also feel like I can’t say that I’m being abused when it’s not like I’ve been hit or anything. The worst fight we ever got in he shoved me on the tile and I had a huge bruise on my leg. He laughed at me while I cried on the ground I can’t get that picture out of my head.[Edited for Content] Dear Reader, Thank you for contacting WEAVE for advice. We want to first let you now that we define physical abuse as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and information line where we would like to offer you confidential support and information regarding what you are experiencing. Our number is 916-920-2952.  We commend you for reaching out and hope to speak with you soon.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with Bipolar PTSD after we started dating and only after I noticed he had bouts of anger and aggression and violence, bullying and irrational mood swings well after he moved. He was diagnosed and is good about taking his meds but still has substantial bouts of mania and abuse that has spanned four years. I had to call the police on him recently because I had enough. He is better but still has defined manic points and acts like he is entitled to being in our home and free to act as he likes because “he lives there”. He was in a manic tailspin today because his bus was late and when he got home he tried to practically bang the door down and rip the door handle off because he wanted me to let him in (power play….he had his keys)
I opened the door part way and he tried to push through and I held the door and told him “you are welcome to come in but you are not going to act that way and you can knock on the door politely and do the right thing….else you can stay outside!” He lashed out and tried to grab my throat and I pushed him out the door and closed and locked it….told him until he can calm down he is not coming In the house…he is far too much a risk and my first priority is to protect this home…..I have given him EVERY opportunity, ever positive affirmation….even say his Pot outside so he can smoke and calm down (ALWAYS helps) but he refused every single effort and just maintained his abusive behavior….it has been four hours….I refuse to let someone into my house that is a threat….he keeps saying I am breaking the law…..I don’t think I am. Any help with the legality around this???
I have months of recordings of him being abusive, a TPO ready to go, a lawyer in case I have to terminate our lease quickly, and the ability to cut off his phone and all other things in my name at a moments notice should it be required.
Any help would be appreciated!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
 
When I ask my boyfriend to cuddle. Get gets verbally abusive. I ask can you cuddle me I’m cold and ge say something please leave me alone. So I say that’s a no right ? And he says use your fucking brain.then goes to sleep. We play around tickling and teasing each other and then he says stop and hits me hard. Then me being me and being a smart ass I say hit me harder since that’s what you like. He hits me three times and bruises the whole back of my arm. Another time, he says stop play fighting and I start to turn around and he slaps me. I turn around and cry and he rubs my feet. Then he goes to sleep after. I’m confused. Stressed. Hurt. Is this abuse Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799.SAFE (7233).
My husband and I are separated since April of 2017. He tried to start a fight with me and he had my computer over his head when my daughter came in and tried to protect me. During this I called the police but I blanked out during their struggle due to trauma and I couldn’t remember that short space of time. I recalled it later he was trying to break my daughter’s neck like you see on television. My husband lied to the police and they were of no help. They arrested my daughter. I was the only witness and gave a statement to the State’s Attorney, but at the time I had not remembered him trying to break her neck. It is 2019 is it too late for him to be arrested for attempted murder? I’m in FL. I didn’t remember this until later in 2018 but I thought it was probably too late and I didn’t want to put my daughter back through it. He also took the day off during the week. I believe he set us up. Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224 for referrals in your community.
 
 My dad came in trying to argue with me, i started to cry so i left the room, he followed me and kept telling me that i was wrong and i’m a child so i can’t have an opinion, when i told him to leave because we were both just arguing and upsetting each other he took my phone and then told me to get into the corner. i said no because he’s never disciplined me before this, i’ve always had to deal with my abusive mom-more mental abuse than physical. he first hit my head and then grabbed my wrist and dragged me off the couch, then he hit me again and grabbed my legs. he kept doing this and saying how badly he wanted to hurt me. is this my fault because i disobeyed him? my wrist is swollen rn and hurts a lot, he usually doesn’t do this often. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. What you have experienced with your father is defined as child physical and verbal abuse. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue regarding your father further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult to get involved in the situation might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful as well because crisis counselors can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!
 
My daughter has a live-in boyfriend that she’s been with off and on for 16 years and he has mental issues but refuses to take his medication, he went to the mental ward recently but they released him the next morning. He has threatened her life and his own and has said that he’s going to leave but he never does and my daughter has told him go ahead and leave and she wants him to leave very much so but he never does and he gets a Social Security check every month and pays just a little bit of rent, but she is very unhappy and wants him gone very much but he refuses to leave and he is also controlling. So legally what can she do to make him leave and stay away? She has a lease on the house she is renting that is not ending till the end of December but she pays for everything mostly. She has her little niece and nephew with her that she is raising also she lives in Texas. Thank you for contacting WEAVE on behalf of your daughter, we are so sorry that she is going through this and can only imagine how upsetting it must be for your family. To see someone we love go through something like this is an incredibly powerless feeling but you are an amazing advocate for her and just by reaching out today you are helping her so much. Unfortunately our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA and we cannot answer legal questions outside of this area. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to agencies and resources in Texas that could answer the specific legal questions you have for your daughter’s situation. Perhaps they could also get her connected to a domestic violence-based agency that could provide her with supportive services and resources to help empower her in this situation. 

My boyfriend is also the father of my twins. Before we had the kids, he was okay just a little particular but I never really minded it. He never really did anything that I considered abusive or even scary. After the kids, he became a lot more on edge and yelled often enough, but I thought it was normal. He was just stressed cause we’re young (I’m now 25 and he’s about to be 28) but now the kids are three and yells at me every single day. He baites me into arguments and after I explode he tells me I need to control my anger. Every day he curses at me, yells at me, and complains about everything I do wrong every single day when he comes home from work. I’m a new stay at home mom because we can’t afford daycare even w both of us working and I don’t own a vehicle so I can’t drive. With that being said, I depend on him for most things I And our kids need and he always throws that in my face. “I do everything for you you do nothing for me” and when I bring up that’s its me that takes care of our kids (and one of them has special needs) he says “so what.” And when I tell him I don’t like how he speaks to me or treats me, he says “I can talk to anyone however I want. You need to stop having such thin skin.” I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be with him anymore but my family lives in another state and I have nothing and no one here. I don’t know if this is even abuse I just need advice.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and want to commend you on reaching out today. It is not easy to break the silence and to speak your truth, it takes tremendous courage and bravery. We want you to know that we hear you, we believe you, and you are not alone. We understand that you are struggling with understanding and identifying whether what you are experiencing within your relationship is abusive or not. Here is some information that could be helpful to you in understand what we describe and define domestic violence as. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All the feelings you have described, of feeling trapped and bated into arguments, all relate to these unhealthy aspects within your relationship. We want to reiterate to you that you are not alone, and you have support and options. And while we cannot tell you what to do within your relationship, we can empower you, support you, and provide you with helpful resources for whatever choice you decide to make. If you would like to know more about our services, speak to a crisis counselor, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

If the department of CPS gave custody to the father of my granddaughter and he got charged with PMFA and she was there wouldn’t it be that CPS has put my granddaughter In harms way what can I do about it to get them out of CPS custody because I’m worried about their well-being

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your family is going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Without having more information about your situation it is difficult for us to respond to such a specific legal question on this forum. However, we would like to refer you to our Legal Team who could provide more support in this area. Please call 916.319.4944, follow the prompt, and leave your legal question and our legal advocates will return your call promptly. Our legal advocates scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case is outside that scope please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can connect you to resources in your area. 
How can i escape being stalked and mentally sexualy and emotional torture ? I got kicked out of the shelter and the man who abused me is going thru all my journals reading my jounals and having people go thru all of my personal belongings . I wrote very private things that once they read them i am going to get retaliated against for writing about it . can someone please help me Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We’re very sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916-264-5471. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
My mom’s boyfriend is threatening me with beating me up when he gets back from work and I don’t know what to do I am 14 years old. My real dad passed away so I can’t reach him no more sadly. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916-264-5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800799-SAFE (7233).

As a man and father to my children about a year ago next month my ex assaulted me and my now girlfriend. My ex has a charge against us. She did not let me see my kids for almost a year I just seen them about 2 weeks ago but now she say of I don’t give her a phone number nor address I can not see my kids. Due to her no contact order do I have to give her my number and address to see my kids. All she does is harass me and my girlfriend.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your question regarding this situation, we are sorry that this is happening. If we understand your situation properly, you are asking whether or not you have to provide your personal information, like contact and location, to your ex who has a no-contact order against you? Do you have a custody agreement or are those related? We feel your question would be best answered by one of our Legal advocates. To connect with them, please leave your name, a safe-identified number, and your legal question at 916.319.4944, and our Legal Advocates will return your message promptly. If you need any further support, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have an ex I wanna report I don’t want him to know and he’s very scary I’m 17 n he’s 46 what do I do I need help I messaged the hotline they are not accepting any messages I guess and I need help I wanna put him where he belongs back to prison. I had a rough situation he said if I work for him he’ll give me a lot of money he’ll buy me things but then I got involved with him like love and he had me living with him every other day cause I didn’t live there permanently he would hit me when he thought I was staring at a guy he’ll hurt me until he’ll get my phone from me he made problems he would make fake accounts and say I did this and that and I didn’t . I wanna report him help

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we want you to know that we are here to help you, you are not alone, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not okay for this person to be hurting you and make you work for money. We are sorry that you weren’t able to connect with us by messaging but we would like to ask you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as it is safe for you to do so. Please call us so we can help you with this, you are not alone. We can help support you in whatever action you want to take against him. 

Can I press charges against my husband who choked me 2 years ago

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this happened to you and can only imagine how upsetting this must be. Unfortunately without more information we cannot answer your question on this forum-forever, we would like to refer you to our Legal Team who will be able to answer it. To connect with our Legal Advocates please call our Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly. They’re scope of practice is Sacramento County, so if you need legal support outside of Sacramento County please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get connected to services and resources in your area. 
My mother was instigating my son (who is 11 and 63 lbs soaking wet) he tried to walk away, she kept after him. He pointed a finger at her to say you need to stop she tried to bite his finger (she says she was playing) he swiped his hand back and worth so she wouldn’t bite him, and clipped her nose. She then proceeded to tell him she was going to ‘deck’ him, then came up to me and screamed at me said I don’t want him near me and said she’d again ‘deck’ him. All while I had company and my friend heard her say this. They are living for free in a camper on our property. They’ve been here since The beginning of January and the camper is still not registered and inspected or insured… I want them gone now, my husband says let’s give them 2 weeks. They pay nothing to be here, no rent, electricity, no water or internet. They still have no money (they get a pension, social security and my mom gets disability) and they have no money ever, constantly asking for money from me. How do I handle this situation, because I’m struggling to keep it together. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
 

I have an ex who was sexually and physically and financially abusive. He grew up in gangs and has a family member in the dmv to track down people who don’t pay. I know hes had dropped assault charges. And I’m scared because he threatened my family when I left. He wouldn’t have to lift a finger even in jail. I’m not sure what to do because i would never be able to have an apartment job or car or get married and him not knowing and possibly hurting me. What am I supposed to know if I only know the guys nickname.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how scary this must be for you and we want you to know that we are here to support you. We have lots of services that could be helpful for you in this situation, such as Counseling, Legal, Advocacy & Accompaniment, Emergency Shelter, and many more, and if it’s not a service we offer than we will definitely have a resource for with within the community. Based on what you shared here, it is unclear what kind of support you are looking for specifically, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 so we can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources and connection to supportive services. 

My sister just found out that her boyfriend used to (6 years ago) beat his ex girlfriend/mother of his son. (We saw 5 different police reports with dates, etc) My sister is 10 weeks pregnant with his child, obviously she never would have started a relationship with him if she had known of his past- he has never laid a hand on her, but this news makes her extremely uneasy and paranoid. What should she do?

Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your concerns today, we are so sorry that your sister is going through this and we appreciate you reaching out today on her behalf. This definitely is a difficult situation and not one your sister should have to be going through. We want her to know that she has options, and everything that happens next is entirely in her control. It is important that she feels safe, and if being with him is no longer something she feels safe in, then that is valid. Another option is she could try to process some of her feelings with a counselor that is trained in the field of domestic violence, or she could discuss this with her current partner directly if she feels safe to do so. She has many options and we want to help support in any way that we can. If she is interested in discussing what she is going through with a counselor, please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My Sister Husband punch her in the head and Jaw she had a concussion, there is a standing criminal order in place. He is reaching out to her neighbor getting all of her whereabouts. P.O. gave him a gps monitor so he can come into the city where she is but when he is off of probation he will track her down, he never return keys we change lock to apartment but he does have key to get inside of the building what can we do? she needs help in finding another apartment to live where he can’t find her

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your sister is going through this and we commend you on being an amazing advocate for her and trying to help get her support. We would love to help her with this issue, and there are many services that come to mind that could be helpful for her in her situation. We do not have apartment listings in our resource guide but we do have many resources surrounding both emergency and transitional shelters that could be helpful to her in this situation. Please encourage her to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can speak to a crisis counselor about her situation, get connected to our services as well as other resources within the community.

Does anyone know if you live in Pennsylvania if your husband abuses our dog is this domestic violence. He also broke my arm previously. He has bad anger issues and is making me scared.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this, and we are proud of you for reaching out today. It takes tremendous courage to reach out for support, and we recognize that. Unfortunately our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, so we cannot answer your question regarding domestic violence laws, but it definitely sounds like there are some unhealthy and violent occurrences within your relationship. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to an agency in your area. 

He never hit me. And it was years ago, when I was in high school (I’m in college now). I dated this guy who completely isolated me from my friends because they were “too goody-goody”. I would go to concerts with a guy friend and he would send me pictures of his self-harm. He would fake panic attacks so I would spend time with him. We had sex all the time, even when I didn’t really want to. He would constantly punch walls when we were fighting. He would send single letters in strings of texts so my phone would blow up with notifications. He smoked around me all time and escalated to other drugs even though I was visibly and verbally uncomfortable with being in that situation. I feel awful saying I was in an “abusive relationship” because he never hit me and so many women and men have been through worse. I also feel like I should be over it by now. I still have some self-harm scars from that time and I feel like that might contribute, but I still feel off.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your message today, we want you to know that we hear you, we see you, and you are not alone. The experiences that you went through in this past relationship matter, regardless of other people who may have had it “worse”. You cannot compare your experiences to others or else you will never validate your own and never allow yourself the space to heal from your trauma. WEAVE defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Most people don’t recognize that there are many different types of abuse, and all of them are as harmful as physical abuse, even if they don’t leave scars that people can see. Just from what you shared briefly in your message about some of the things you experienced within your relationship, you described many different and incredibly harmful forms of abuse. Is this something you ever talked to anyone about, like a therapist or counselor? If this is something you are interested in, we would love to help get you connected to the best resources in your community. Even if a lot of time has passed, that trauma could still be lingering under the surface, and it’s normal to have experiences that might trigger those memories and bring those feelings up. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and get connected to services. We are here to help you heal. 

My ex from India is blackmail me to send my nude photos to my family and friends.. What should I do? Pls help me..How can I report a blackmail?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding this situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. It is never okay for someone to threaten to blackmail you, and unfortunately that kind of behavior commonly relates back to the power and control dynamics in unhealthy relationships. Due to the specificity of your question we cannot answer it here on the message boards, however we would like to present you with a few options. You can contact your local law enforcement agency, (since blackmail is a crime and the response to that varies state by state), and see what their local response to blackmail is and what support they can provide you. We would encourage you to contact the non-emergency line for whatever law enforcement agency serves you, or just drop by the local station to speak to an officer in person. Or, if you are currently residing in Sacramento County, you can contact our legal department via the Legal Voicemail, 916.319.4944, leave you name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question/situation, and our Legal team will return your call within a few business days. Please know you are not alone, and we are here to support you. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor, or want to know more about our services, or other resources within your community, please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
He’s been violent with me sporadically for about two years. He’s spit in my face, punched me in the arms and on my spine, shut my arm in the car door, and drives recklessly with me in the passenger seat. He also hits himself to the point that he bleeds. Once when I tried to stop him, he punched me instead. 
He shows violence to no one else. In fact, I’ve seen another man beat him up, and despite being a blackbelt, he only wriggled away because he refuses to hurt another living creature. Except me…. 
He is kind, and gentle, and considerate all the time. He takes care of me, and puts my wants and needs first. 
The last beating happened when we ran out of gas on the highway, and i was sobbing and crying with the AAA rep on the phone. So he muted it, and began hitting me, and shoving my head into the seat (he pulled out some of my hair). I demanded he tell his therapist what happened. 
His therapist says there is no need to get him tested for autism, and the violence, as “frustrating as it is” is just a symptom of his fear to live as a functional adult in the world. When I asked what he said I should do to defend myself, the answer was this: 


“His rationale being that something *like* self-defense techniques or safe-words is only catering to the symptoms rather than fixing their origin(s). Which I know is über-frustrating to hear, and difficult to sign-off on considering everything.”


Am I just being paranoid because of how serious hitting women is usually taken? I love him, and think he loves me…but I’m so confused right now.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting this situation has been for you and we are here to help you. We want to make it clear that what you are experiencing is NOT okay, and your feelings on the matter are incredibly valid. You are not being paranoid. The key aspects to healthy relationships are healthy forms of communication, and the power and control being equally distributed within the relationship. It is when those aspects of power and control are skewed to one side that the relationship becomes unhealthy. Violence has no place in a healthy relationship. There is no excuse for violence. We fully recognize that people have their own history and “baggage” that they can bring to relationships, but if they cannot communicate or express themselves without becoming violent, then they are not in a healthy place to be in a relationship and have some of their own things they need to work on. What you are experiencing is called “domestic violence”. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, and you have options and support. If you would like to discuss your experiences further and know more about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have options, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you are loved and supported without being abused. 
A friend was adopted by a mother and father. Then, that mother and father got divorced. He was living with his father. But now, his father has been arrested for domestic violence (son thinks the stepmom lied about it) and sent to jail. Who has the legal parental rights of the son now that the dad is in jail, the mother (who lives 2 hours away) or the grandfather (who the son and father were living with)? Also, In PA, can a child visit a parent in jail if the charges are domestic violence? The son believes in his father and would like to see him. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that your friend experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
I tried to get a restraining order on my husband but the police didn’t give it to me because he didn’t physically abuse me. He is very mentally and verbally abusive. Now he is calling kids names. I am sure if the police ask kids or him he would deny and the kids will probably go along with his lies. Constantly nags for hours and when he goes outside for ciggerrette he nags and complains about me or kids to himself ( full blown conversation). He will sit there and call me names talking to himself he thinks he’s not crazy. He refuses to leave house says get a divorce knowing that It will take a while to file knowing he pissed through my savings I had before I met him. Constantly calls me fat says kill myself talks about my past and my first husband that died like he knows him or my past. What can I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  If you live in the Sacramento area we encourage to contact Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center at 916-875-HOPE (4673) for information about Restraining orders. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask about options or you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to more resources. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 

I don’t live in the area but I feel more comfortable discussing this through a platform like this. You might still have insight that is helpful. I have a 19 month old daughter, her father and I split when she was 5 weeks old. This split happened a week after he got drunk and went into a rage. He pushed me while I held our baby, then held my face and screamed preventing me from moving away, I was holding our baby the whole time. He then followed me through the house and attempted to kick down a locked door and then proceeded to grab my face and threaten me, again with our child in my arms. The whole relationship was emotionally abusive. A year prior to this incident he slapped/pushed/hit me and I fought back. I didn’t file a report when the incident when my child happened because I was scared of retaliation and trauma bonded to him so deeply. He reported his anger was due to PTSD from being deployed (which I now know he never was). He has an extensive history of anger and lying. We share custody of my child and I’m worried bout the potential of his anger becoming explosive (if not towards her) in front of her. Basically my question is since I didn’t file a police report when it occurred and he’s been a part of our child’s life (I only allowed this because he said he was in counseling) can it even be seen as valid? I have recorded phone calls, texts, and emails of him admitting to the incident. We even went to co-parenting counseling and I tried to talk about it, my ex admitted it, and the counselor said “we don’t need to go into the details”. I felt so invisible in that moment. That the trauma and abuse I faced was brushed off by a professional that is supposed to report such things and protect me. If I spoke to an advocate and they were in court with me (if that occurs) would that be beneficial even if there is no police report?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. If you live outside of Northern California, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal and counseling resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
 my mother is in a toxic relationship with a smoking alcoholic. He drives drunk and is a belligerent when in public and just is not a safe person. But what is worse it was he does at home. He starts fights with my younger sister and forces me to “box” with him or hit him to prove he is “hardcore”. So my question is how do i go about bring law enforcement into this? What do I say when I call the police on him? And what can I charge him with? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. This form of domestic violence that it seems you are experiencing is called family violence. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life and you believe he can commit a crime against you we advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
I have a friend that wants to leave her boyfriend and he wont let her leave i live in oklahoma wjat can she do Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your friend is experiencing that with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, domestic violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser or is in constant denial of experiencing domestic violence. You have been a great friend to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your friend unless she is ready to leave him and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support and not shame her. If they are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services. If they live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state, they may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in their community.
My boyfriend now ex beat me up really bad a month ago I have picture evidence and texts from him and his mom for evidence, is it too late to report ? I live in Sacramento Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal  – 916.920.2952.

My sister just left her now ex boyfriend a few days ago because he was very abusive (He even beat her while she was asleep with her 2 year old daughter beside her on the bed). She went to bible study yesterday around 7pm and we have not heard from her and her daughter since. We know he has them but we dont know what to do. We dont know if they are hurt, okay, dead, alive, or even still in town. He blocked our numbers and if we call from another number he hangs up the instant he realize its us. What should we do, I’m so worried?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you, and we are proud of you for reaching out today to support your sister. Do you know if your sister has ever contacted law enforcement regarding this situation? We would highly encourage  you to contact law enforcement in your area to ask them to do a welfare check to make sure she is safe and okay. If she has contacted law enforcement in the past they would have information regarding past incidents of domestic violence. We feel that would be the best, and most safe option to make sure she is safe and okay. Please contact us if you have any further concerns or want to know more about our services at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 

My daughter moved to New York with her boyfriend in December. He signed a contract with his parents to lease with option to buy a second home that they have. He is verbally and now becoming physically violent with her and continues to threaten to lock her out where she cannot get her stuff. Police have not been involved yet except for the time i seen the sheriff over there and i am in Arizona trying to mediate. He has now taken her key and says she has no right nor do i to enter the home to collect her belongs. Can he by New York law lock her out and obstruct her ability to collect her items so she can move out and come back to arizona with me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. Because we are based out of Sacramento in California, we are unsure of the laws in New York. For this reason, I would recommend that you reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for more specific resources to where your daughter is located.

My friend just busted my window out he a friend but he likes me should I call the police

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that this happened. Although we are unable to share what you should or shouldn’t do, if you are feeling unsafe, it would be beneficial to call law enforcement. Your safety is of utmost priority, and if you need additional support safety planning or other support please call the 24/7weave support line at 916.920.2952.

My significant other’s father “promised” to break my face in. While I was visiting my SO (he lives with them to help financially support them), what do I do if this happens again? Can I call the police if he threatens me in his home? how does this work if I live with my SO? He was verbally abusive, called me a “liberal bitch” a narrcassist, a psychopath. Never calls me by my actual name because my real name is Spanish, so he calls me Jonny even through I am a woman. Has also called me racial slurs.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this. As for steps that you could take moving forward, calling law enforcement if he threatens you could be a helpful thing to do. Due to the safety concerns, it may be helpful to consider other safe housing options that are available, or discussing with your significant other safer options. For additional support or information through this situation, please call our 24.7 support line. We can be reached at 916-920-2952.

im 16 and my mother is not in the picture but my father is abusive to my mental heth but never dose this to m 5 year old sister. i have a frends parents who would love have me live with them except my father is vey cotroling and i have no idea on how to get them the legal custady of me and live with them. how would i go about doing this with out CPS getting involved?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is not an easy thing to live in a home where there is abuse going on. Due to the legal aspect of your question, I would encourage you to reach out to the Family Justice Center for information; they can be reached at 916-875-4673. In addition to that, if you need additional support or information, there is also WEAVE’s support line which is 24.7 at 916-920-2952.

Who can I turn to to help me with attorney since there was fraud in my divorce case. I’m an older woman now with diagnosis of cancer. And my husband was ordered to restore my spousal military benefits he diverted to his ex-wife and was arrested in divorce court and got out of jail as indigent, even though he makes over 15,000 a month in government retirement. And we’ve been married since 2004, and are currently in a pending divorce case here in Georgia. Legal aid will not take my case as they said they heard of my case I assume, his attorneys or my attorney contacted them… [edited for content] A fraudulently entered final order in a divorce matter and recovering government benefits that were ordered as a part of the pending divorce case. It’s my health has been irreversibly compromised, because I never received my spousal military benefits that were diverted to my husband’s ex-wife of only 3 years my entire marriage and she is still receiving my benefits in perfect health. Would someone please represent me in Georgia, the home foreclosed that he was ordered to pay the last thing that was put in was by the judge a few months ago and with my health and the Foreclosure of our home of 10 years I put in a motion to transfer and I need help completing the transfer, income deduction, contempt (the restoration of my benefits ordered etc. ) And the legal final decree.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we understand how upsetting it must be. We want you to know that you are not alone, and we hope that we can help get you connected to resources that would be most supportive for you. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. We hope that these will help you get connected to the best services in your area. 

my husband put lying order protection on me can I file iied claim on him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, without knowing more information about your situation we assess your situation and provide you with the support you need. But based on the nature of your question, we would like to refer you to our legal team who may be able to provide you further support. Please call the Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call within a few short business days. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case resides outside of Sacramento County or you would like further support or resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I am 1 year post strangulation….Now, I have a problem with the word strangulation. My x husband jumped on my back while I was bent over in the closet by the front door. He was screaming, Thats it!! This ends now! You end now! I am killing you and you will never walk out of this house again alive. I 100% believed he would be successful. I am disabled and at the time I used a walker to get everywhere. Trying to fight back someone that is so much stronger and having an adrenaline rush wasn’t going to work. He is 17 years in Military and trained in hand to hand combat. Me, however, am not. I kept trying to scream for my neighbors and realizing nobody can hear me, I ran to the couch and grabbed my phone I dialed 911 but misdialed because I started screaming at him I pushed to make any sound come out I was yelling OUT!! Get OUT NOW!!! He couldn’t understand the words but understood my aggressive manner. I was pointing and yelling at the open door and he ran out with the gun in his hand. I dial 911, they can’t hear me. The police arrived and swept the house I had to write for them to understand he left in a vehicle with a loaded gun. Anyways, he was charged with 2 felonies one being domestic assault with strangulation and 2 misdemeanors….anyways because of his military status, He qualified to be in Veterans court. NOBODY from the prosecutor’s office would ever even explain what the heck veterans court is. I just figured it meant that the cause must be getting moved to the military base instead. Well my guess was wrong, and after 4 months of asking everyone and nobody knew what it was a bunch of elderly vets showed up in the hallway before a courtdate of ours. My mom and I began to talk to them and they were the ones that explained that they mentor soldiers and veterans for 1 year. if they pass the program his charges went from 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors to then 1 misdemeanor instead. Just sickening. And the FEMALE JUDGE even said in court in front of the 40 veterans in the court room that my x had no restriction in her jurisdiction to carry a GUN!!!!! She had just congratulated him on getting into Veteran’s Court and charged him with 1 misdemeanor domestic assault with strangulation. ridiculous. Anyways, I don’t understand why I am being lumped into a category of strangulation when he was clearly intent on breaking my spinal cord more so than cutting off my airway. Why is there no other word to describe that move the snapping of someone’s neck (similar to chiropractic) but intentionally used to kill me. Does anyone know what that move is called? Clearly its not strangulation, though there was a few times he did that when repositioning behind me. Any help is much appreciated…I of course got and OFP for 2 years for me and the 3 kids. They were sleeping at their grandma’s house when this happened so I was so glad they didn’t hear it or see it. He and his lawyer insisted I make the OFP be temporary instead of permanent. I still don’t even understand what the heck that means. Thanks again in advance of any help. [Edited for length and content.] Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. According to Law for Veterans, Veterans Court is “a collaborative process that includes the prosecutor, defense counsel, Judge, the Department of Veteran Affairs and other community based support organizations… to rehabilitate and restore veterans as active, contributing members of their community… [by] creates and supervises treatment plans to address the underlying causes of the veterans behavior.” You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
 

my husband had hit me and I’m currently 3 months pregnant & he was arrested. His visa is expired I was wondering if he could get deported for this type of crime & if I will be informed if he is, with a baby on the way I’m a little concerned about this.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we are so sorry that this is happening. We understand that you have concerns surrounding the possibility of your husband getting deported due to getting arrested. Unfortunately we cannot answer that question on our message board due to the specificity of it, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. To leave a message with our legal team, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly within a few business days. We also have resources to other agencies within the community that specialize in these types of issues, if you would like more information and access to these resources, please call 916.920.2952 to discuss this further with a crisis counselor. 

Hi, I confronted a man that has been making sexual comments and verbal aggression towards my girlfriend. I confronted him at his work and now they wanna press charges. No violence happened. But now he is telling her that the only reason she has a job is cause of him and still makes it seem like if she doesn’t side with him that he will press charges and jeopardize her future job. What can I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this happened and we can imagine how frustrating the situation is. Unfortunately at this point it sounds like since your girlfriend is the one who is experiencing the continued harassment at her place of work, the resulting action will have to come from her. Is there an HR department at her place of employment where she could file a harassment complaint against him? That would be the best avenue to start with since all of this is occurring at work and regarding her work status. If you need any further support in this, please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My Husband and I argued and he came up in my face. I panicked, pushed him away with one hand and slapped his arm with the other. He picked a knife off the kitchen side and held it towards me. I ran and hid outside for a few hours until he had gone to bed. He had been drinking, I hadn’t. This morning, he said he was going to the police cos I had hit him. I am worried I will get into trouble. Should I go to the police first and tell them what I did.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this happened to you and we can only imagine what you are feeling. We understand that you would have concerns about contacting law enforcement regarding this situation, but we also want you to know that you have options and you have rights. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It sounds like he may be using the threat of involving law enforcement as one to control you, but you were acting in self-defense. He became physically intimidating during an argument, and you have a history of abuse within your relationship. His response to you slapping his arm and pushing him to get away from him was to grab a knife. The right to involve law enforcement is completely your choice, but we want you to know that we are here to support you if you choose to do so. We have advocates who could provide you emotional support during a law enforcement interview and get you connected to our services. If that is something you are interested in, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on how to access those services. 
I am being abused emotionally by my husband and it is very stressful for me because, I am severely and painfully crippled (in wheelchair). I feel like a prisoner in my home. He screams at me constantly and limits what I can say to him. He is angry all the time without cause. I was a very hard worker in the home until I became disabled and now he seems to resent me. I try to do as much as possible in the home, but I am in great physical pain and it is hard. Now I am in great emotionally pain as my husband seems to resent that he is my caregiver. He also has had a decline in his health, which is not helping the situation. I can not call a hotline. He is always nearby and my room does not have a door. Just a curtain. I tried the domestic violence hot line last week and was cut off several times. They take over a half hour to come on which makes it hard to know when to try to reach them. The first person was empathetic, but the last one seemed to imply I was at fault. I almost had the feeling I was conversing with a man the way they spoke to me. I told my visiting nurse about this and he thought it was wrong what they said to me. So how do you know the qualifications of the person you are speaking with? Also, I would prefer to talk with a qualified person through an email as I don’t want him to hear me talk. I’m really just sad because I have no family close by and I don’t have any friends that come by. He does all the shopping. He does not take me out anymore as he has a bad hip and can no longer push my wheel chair. How can I stay positive in my situation? Also, I can’t tell others we know about how he treats me, as he has said he will tell them I am lying and that I am mentally ill.
 
Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224. Some options for online counseling that we found on the internet are BetterLyf (https://bit.ly/2TmY7NH), TalkSpace (https://www.talkspace.com/) and Better Help (https://www.betterhelp.com/online-counseling/).
 
what if j have physical and verbal violence from your boss
 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this. According to Occupational Safety and Health Act (OSHA), “Workplace violence is violence or the threat of violence against workers. It can occur at or outside the workplace and can range from threats and verbal abuse to physical assaults and homicide, one of the leading causes of job-related deaths… To file a complaint by phone, report an emergency, or get OSHA advice, assistance, or products, contact your nearest OSHA office under the “U.S. Department of Labor” listing in your phone book, or call [them] toll-free at (800) 321-OSHA (6742). The teletypewriter (TTY) number is (877) 889-5627.”
 
Defamation of character and revenge, I was lied to to my employer and it cost my job. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate on this message or resubmit a new one. If you would like to speak to an advocate, please reach out to our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.
I was physically acted by my blood sister about a month ago and just to give you some insight on what happen ..She wanted me to help her with some fraud scams on a man that she had frequently had gotten money from every week or two by sending him naught pics and text just to get an allowance of cash..She wanted me to help her steal 5000 dollors from his account..As I told her i wouldnt not be helping her I got up ro take a shower and I asked her could I use some of her hair products becuase i didnt not have any because I was visted for just one day to get some id back..She start to yell at me and getting really verbal with me ..I turned off the shower and told her to calm down and that I didnt want be yelled at like that ..Along story short she start saying that some things that I know would restore into a fight so I started to get my things together when this happen..Told her if she steals from this man that I will not only call the police and have them call them man but I will have her put in jail and she didnt like that so ran at me and attempted to grt my phone out my hands ..I told her to start and then she bite my finger which lead me to defend me person so would let my phone go ..as i am wrestling with my sister I clicked 5 times on my iphone to get automatic 911 call and i stated that my sister is attacking me after that bite my arm where it felt me no chocie but to let go of my phone where she maintained to get my phone and break it which disconnected me from the operator..at this point I run to the bathroom for protection but she was trying to get in the door which resulted into me get mazed ..after that i ran out the door for help
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that with your sister; We can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate.
 
I live in my boyfriend’s house for over 3 years now. We got into an argument where he is literally yelling and spitting at my face the whole time. Before that he pushed me. I told him quit spitting at my face while yelling at me. So I yelled back while spitting back and he slaps me leaving a black eye. Without thinking I slap him back for self defense. I am 4’11 to 5’ where he is 6’. He is bigger than me and kept putting his hands on me. He grabs me by sweater and hair and throws me around like a rag doll and drags me down the stairs straining my neck. I felt something crack while he dragged me down the stairs and he slapped me again. Do I have a right to defend myself in his house? This is not the first time he has put his hands on me. And this is the first time I have reacted to in self defense. I don’t understand how people can say they love you and care about you and do something wrong and believe it’s ok. Feeling lost. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother makes verbal remarks to me sometimes when we drink and he feels like guys are looking at me. The other night, he did this same thing so I left I had had enough and he kept yelling at me. He found me waiting near his car to leave and he was angry I made a big deal out of it called me ridiculous and asked why I didn’t pay the bill. I was so over him not acknowledging his actions and making me feel uncomfortable in large groups of people like that, that I slapped him. Later, we are at his house and he is still surprised I slapped him I had just felt ashamed and humiliated and his daughter tells me to leave. I told her the story but I get it you shouldn’t hit someone and she tells me to leave. I throw their ceramic cup at the wall and walk outside. I’m scared and lonely/sad. I should’ve called the hotline, or a friend. This is obviously a horrible relationship. Instead I panic and call 911. All I wanted was a mediator not charges. I didn’t know that you really shouldn’t call 911 to mediate.. and after they got our story I got arrested. I sat in jail for the night waiting to get bail thinking why this happened? He emotionally and verbally harassed me and I slapped him? I don’t know what he told the police. I have court soon, and he is confused as to why I called 911. He says in court he won’t press charges and I believe him in just worried that the DA will not see past anything and send me to jail. What do you think? I have evidence of past times he’s been insecure about guys (texts, etc). But I may have done the same to him on occasion? I know we both just want this to go away. I made the mistake of calling 911. And I was arrested? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
I have an order of protection against someone. He violated the order by talking to my sister, asking her to talk to me about dropping the order. He, or someone he’s friends with, has pretended to be his mother and begun sending me emails asking me to drop the order as well. I’ve called the police who said this was a violation and that they would file charges and have him arrested. How will I know if the police have followed through?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. For legal advice or resources, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or be connected to resources, we do offer a variety of counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My daughter has a 3 year PFA on her boyfriend due to emotional and physical abuse but 2 weeks ago he was threatening her on the phone that she can’t keep him away from her unborn child or her appointments so he showed up after her appointment and grab her and is forcing her to live with him what can I do to protect her and will she get into trouble if he is found on her property
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your daughter is experiencing that with her former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for her and you as well. According to http://www.pcadv.org/Learn-More/Domestic-Violence-Topics/Protection-From-Abuse/, A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order “gives protective ‘relief’ for a victim (and sometimes children) for up to three years.” Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916-319-4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If your daughter has not had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

If I’m in an abusive relationship and I take our pets (registered in my abuser’s name) and flee town, can I be arrested or sued?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question; due to legal aspect of this question, I would refer you to contact the Family Justice Center at 916-875-4673 for further clarification about what options you have. If you need any additional support, please contact us on our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952

My husband and I have heated loud and physical arguments on a weekly and sometimes daily schedule, around our 4 month baby. I’m scared that this is having a negative impact on her and that I’ve day these violent shouting matches will get our baby hurt. I ask him to lower his voice he gets louder on top of our baby. I want to leave this apartment with my daughter by I seriously fear him.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want to commend you on the courage and bravery it took to reach out and share your experiences, that is not something to be taken lightly and we are proud of you. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have our support. You are very insightful and aware, and a very good parent to recognize the negative impacts that this is having on your child. A young baby is much more susceptible to serious trauma being exposed to violence versus a toddler or even a young child that can impact their development negatively. It sounds like you are making efforts to decrease the fighting that occurs around your child, which is good. Please know we are here for you, and you have options. If you are wanting to get out of your situation, we have many supportive services that could be helpful to you, including a safe shelter program. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, we are here for you. 
My daughter went through a domestic violence situation with her boyfriend two and a half months ago. He was arrested for that and some other charges and is currently in jail. She is currently pregnant with his child. I need some answers to why my daughter wont face me or talj to me on the phone. Just an occasional text here and there. The night it occured she texted me to come and i did and stayed with her and her other children for several days. Right now she wont talk about what happened and seems to be avoiding me. We are normally very clise. Can someonw who has been through domestic violence please tell me why shes acting this way towards me. I cant find information anywhere else about this and its really bothering me. Is this normal behaivor for her after this trauma? How should i act or what can i do? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We can understand that the incident might have left you feeling unsettled and confused, and it’s understandable since it’s your child. We are sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse in her relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your daughter is enduring. Domestic violence can be extremely traumatizing and when ready to do so is processed differently for everyone. You have been a great mother to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your daughter unless she is ready to talk about it.  The best you can do is continue providing support in the best way you can. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about counseling services.

My husband and I were both charged with domestic violence we are not pressing charges against each other we just want to go forward and forget this terrible night ever existed we waved our rights for attorney did we do the right thing our bail was set at $40 and they only held us for 6 hours I’m going to live in Massachusetts

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Due to your question having a legal aspect, I would refer you to contact our legal department to seek guidance. WEAVE’s legal department can be reached at 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail line so when you call, leave a message and they should return the call as soon as possible.

In addition, it may also be helpful to reach out to Family Justice Center at 916-875-4673, they also have legal advocates and may be able to better support your with your needs.

If you need any other support or information, please contact our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I’m curious if this would be considered domestic violence …………I have 2 teen children 16 and 19 and I’ve lived with the same man for 17 years he has never been physically abusive to me but it seems to be emotional abuse and he has made me feel like I’m not good enough for him and my children have told me if I leave they will either stay here or move with their father because the man we live with is their uncle and he has made promises more times then not he has told me many times I’d have nothing if it wasn’t for him and if I leave I’d be on the streets and he’d make sure that if I live in this county I reside in he’d make my life hell I’d rather move to a different county and I’d hate to say it but if I take my kids they will tell him and his family where I am my son 19 has yelled at me and told me to leave shit the way it is and stop being such a cry baby ……my bf has made promises of marriage but yet he jumps when his wife calls and they have been separated for over 18 yrs way before we hooked up and when I bring it up he becomes verbally abusive and makes me feel like I’m crazy like I should just deal with how things are or just leave I know my case isn’t as bad as others but I still feel like I have no way out

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are going through this. We can only imagine how difficult this situation is, but we want you to know you are not alone. You started your question with concerns about the validity of what you are experiencing. We want you to know that we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Domestic violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. There are many factors and layers to your situation and it seems like you are not in a living situation where there are healthy relationships and forms of communication from all parties. Depending on where you are living, you may have access to resources that could help you get out of your situation, regardless of what your family wants you to believe. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 to get connected to resources in your area. 

Wife has what appears to be bi polar episodes. She goes from being sweet- needy- to worried- angry – saying violent things and often making violent gestures or minor whacks on me and children that are not directly related to the kids behavior, but more related to her personal preferences at the time…. Should I file a restraining order? If I file divorce she will turn it into a total wreck inflicting as much damage as possible on us. She is very smart and talks a lot. What should I do? [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this. Due to the escalating violence, I would recommend you reach out to the WEAVE Legal department to see what safe options are available in terms of filing for a restraining order or separation. They can be reached at 916-319-4944. In addition to that, WEAVE’s support line is available 24/7 for any support and information at 916-920-2952. We are here for you.

My ex husbands restraining order is up in a couple of months. We’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m afraid once it is up, he will begin to harass me again. Would he serve jail time if he did start up again as soon as it’s over? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are glad you reached out. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916-440-6797 or 916-319-4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Was being regularly hit by my ex-girlfriend 4 over a period of a couple of years and I was basically protecting her for a while and not even realizing I was being abused. Then I thought maybe if I tell her I’ll call the police maybe she would stop… No, then she insinuated if I called the police on her sheets scratch her face. And I quote why do you think I keep my nails so sharp. So I decided the best thing to do because we had a child with the start documenting things in recording things and she realized I was doing this. One day we get into a verbal argument and she runs outside with the baby screaming the top of her lungs please sir called I get arrested. Charges are dropped three days later because she didn’t show up and I believe she didn’t because she thought they might file charges against her for what I had been been recording. She basically kidnaps my son runs down to Florida and when I call CPS to find my son she claims I was abusing her the whole time and she needed to get away. Not only was I falsely arrested but my beautiful boy was taken from me. Now when I go into court for custody hearings they keep bringing up that incident even though all charges were dropped dismissed and expunged. Now the only thing I can do is file for paternity and parental time sharing. This is an absolute crime yet she navigated the system and one in every way. CPS looks at me like I’m the abuser and then the reality I was trying to get her to get help I didn’t want her to go to jail but she kept refusing or would say she would and then didn’t. No way to describe it other than the worst nightmare of my life
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this abuse with your ex-girlfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it must still be for you. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707.  If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
For about 2weeks now It hurts when I swallow, lose my breath when talking and if talking for more than a minute I start to lose my voice. Went to Dr and they found nothing and then I looked up all these symptoms and realized what it could be. It’s possible it might be Laryngeal Fracture. The reason why I think it could be that was because about a month ago my wife and had an argument and it lead to her putting her hands around my neck and started to strangle me. Only lasted about 2-3 seconds until I got away. I did not think any damage was caused at the time but it definitely scared me and I couldn’t breath for that limited amount of time. My question is will she get into trouble if I tell the Dr. What actually happened??

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your wife, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

Me and my fiance got in a fight and it got physical nothing bad but I called the police and now he has a felony domestic assault charge he should not be in trouble for us fighting I just got mad at the moment and called the cops we have a great life together 3 kids 2 of which lost their real mom last month to meth and we are very happy just got stupid whiskey drunk and got dumb from it what can I possibly do to help him get out of this and get our life peaceful again???????? I’m desperate!!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I started hitting him first because I was so angry. Since I wouldn’t stop he grabbed my hair and started pulling it. Then he started slamming my head against the counter and window. This was in a car. I wanted to report him but he said I would be the one to get in trouble because I started hitting him first. My question is does this count as domestic abuse on his part since he’s the man? Was it wrong for him to put fight back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this happened and we can understand how upsetting and confusing this must be for you. We want to make it abundantly clear that violence has no role in a healthy relationships. We understand that situations get escalated, emotions get heated, but the key to a healthy and successful relationship is communication. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. Not only women can be victims of domestic violence…men can also be victims. It sounds like within your relationship, both of you have issues communicating with each other in a healthy and effective way. If this is a relationship that you both are invested in, and would like to grow in, it could be beneficial to receive some support regarding communication and coping skills, such a counseling perhaps individually and then as a couple. However, if this is a relationship where you feel you both are getting into fights like this, then maybe it would be best to walk away. Please know you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to discuss this further or get connected to our services. 

I been married for almost 2 years and my wife has a son that’s 13 yrs olds and ever since we got together and married he has changed to worse. He smokes marijuana punches walls on our home and has pushed her mom and has kicked me. He is super aggressive tours everyone including police. He is trying to become a gang member and is doing every thing that’s is wrong. He don’t come back from school unless we call the police and report him as a run away kid. He has told police and a juvenile detention officer that he is going to do anything that will put him in Jail for life. He has no regret of what he does and I’m afraid he will hurt or kill someone soon..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you and your wife are going through this. This sounds like a very upsetting and frustrating situation. Without knowing more about the child’s history, such as any past trauma or reasoning for his recent change in behavior, we cannot provide a perfect assessment to explain his behavior. Of course it is normal for teen’s behavior to change but what you are describing sounds like an escalated and extreme situation. We would like to encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where we could discuss this situation further and also provide some resources that could be helpful, such as anger-management counseling. 
My ex-boyfriend was very emotionally and then physically abusive. I never reported it to the police out of fear that he would retaliate. It’s been about 2 years now, and I’m worried that he could still be looking for me, or even do this again to his next partner. Should I still report it? I think it’s past the statute of limitations, but I fee like it should be on record somewhere. What should I do? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your recent fight with your fiance. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your fiance might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate, please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

my soon to be ex husband got arrested last year for domestic abuse against me. I finally had the courage after 8 years of dealing with his abuse to call the cops and have him arrested. he got deported to mexico but came back two months later after his mistress smuggled him back into the country. He just got arrested again for domestic abuse against her and is in jail and will be deported again once he serves his sentence. my question is when I file for divorce will I be able to request full custody of my three girls and get his right terminated or will the court try to set up a visitation schedule once he is out of jail?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry that you are going through this and feel we have many services that could be helpful to you. We want to say that we are so proud of you for what you did to end the cycle of violence, we can only imagine how hard that was. It took tremendous courage and bravery. We would like to refer you to our legal advocates to answer your specific legal questions regarding divorce and child custody. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County. To get in contact with our legal advocates, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, your legal questions, and they will return your call within a few business days. For further information about our services, to speak to a crisis counselor, or get connected to resources in your community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My BF of 7 years was arrested for assault with a strike and had a no contact order until his court date. This was the worst case as it progressively got worse. However I feel guilty because it only happens when he drinks he doesn’t remember and is a marine vet. If charged he could lose his job. I didn’t get him arrested however since we can’t talk I feel like he hates me while I still want to be with him. How do I not feel this way? And should I drop the charge and go back with him?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your feelings and concerns, we can only imagine how confusing and upsetting this situation is for you and we want you to know you are not alone. We understand that you are struggling with legal circumstances out of your control and also your feelings for your bf. Without knowing more about the case and what you have been experiencing within your relationship it is hard for us to give you specific advice such as what to do regarding the charges. However, it sounds like there may have been some aspects of your relationship where he became abusive or abusive incidents occurred…if that is the case we want you to know that there is no excuse for violence. It is never ok for someone to hurt you, regardless if they are intoxicated or if they had a hard day at work or whatever excuse/reason. We want to remind you that you are not alone, and you have lots of support. To answer, “how do I not feel this way”, we feel it could be helpful for you to talk about your experiences with people who may have had similar experiences, and therefore find validation and community. Our agency offers both group and individual counseling for the issues of domestic violence, and you can learn more about those services by contacting our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My wife is epileptic, she had a dead piece of tissue that they removed that caused the seizures. she developed short term memory problems, manic episodes and extreme suspicion, paranoia and leaves recorders in the house and her parents house to see what we say about her. We recently had a little girl and i was hurt at work.
I am in litigation and we are loosing our home, she wont work, i cant work and she is seemingly trying to discredit me as a deadbeat now wants to take our baby and leave. She says because the baby is conceived in her, that its her child and not mine. I am not allowed to leave without her, i am constantly being accused of having a whore that i go to when she gets mad. Her Parents have turned their backs on us when they knew all this before i married her, and are running away from the problem. I have no clue what to do since she will call the police as she has before if i leave and reports me as a missing person.What do i do?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. This situation sounds incredibly upsetting and intense, but we want you to know that you are not alone. It sounds like your wife has gone to such extreme measures to not allow you to go where you choose and be supportive to your daughter. We want to support you in the best way possible and it sounds like you could benefit from utilizing some of our legal services. We offer legal workshops regarding the issues of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and others. If  you would like more information on these workshops or our other services or to get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you would like further legal support not regarding those issues, please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944. Please leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern, and our legal advocates will return your call within a few short business days. 

I have MS, my husband is my primary caregiver paid by the state we live in $2300 a month. Recently I found a video of me on the floor not breathing. The video lasted 4 mins my face was purple I looked posed like a frog. He says I fell off the bed n he tried 6 hrs to get me up then just gave out!! We were on a USAF base but he never called 911!! He didn’t intend me to see.. I have $400,000 in life insurance and just prior to this he was trying to get me to get more. I live in an extremely small town I took video to “MAYBERRY OFFICERS” they looked at me like I was crazy even though he has a prior DV conviction.. what kept me from dying my cat!!
Now same husband just walked off left cleaned out bank to the negative flew 2000 miles away to be with his online Whore.. he made no arrangements for me and I’m 100/% dependent on him is this not abuse!!


Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. This sounds like it may be under military jurisdiction and contacting the law enforcement on base may be an option. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal services– 916.920.2952.
I’m not sure how to say this, My domestic partner has been abusive to me for about 3 years now we lived together in the shelter about a year ago I tried to break up with him since then I’ve been with him until December I started trying to break up with him again and now I did get away from him got a restraining order and my problem is I am still in the shelter someone I’ve known for a very long time wanted to know how long before I can come into the shelter with a different person? I have my son with me in the shelter as well? Can I immediately just go back to path or is there a time period I must abide by before I can go into the shelter with someone else? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, we do not know the rules and regulations regarding staying in each local shelter, and are unsure of which shelter you are staying in. We do have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources, if you would like to discuss it with one of them. Our support and information line can be reached at 916-920-2952
My boyfriend has a past misdemeanor domestic violence charge from another woman & one pending domestic violence charge that “the DA has kicked back to the local police department” ***(edited for length) Needless to say I’m terrified to ever call the cops again or try to defend myself…3 days ago he punched be in the side then pushed my face so hard into a pillow for so long I got another bloody nose and all I could do was lay there and hope he stopped. After he did he said if I called the cops I would go to jail again.
Now that I’m too scared to fight back or call the cops I’m wondering if there’s any advice for someone in my situation?…
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your boyfriend is putting you through, and understand how hard it is when the local PD isn’t much help. Please reach out to our support and information line at 916 920-2952,we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources. We also offer up to 8 free sessions with a counselor, if that is something you would be interested in. To access those services, we ask that you come in for a walk-in triage. Our address is 1900 K st. Sacramento, CA. The times for walk-in triage are: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM

My girlfriend and I got into an argument. She was intoxicated I was sober. She ended up calling the police to try and have me removed from our home. Instead during her rundown of events she indicated that she knocked a cigarette out of my hand because I lit it in the house which we don’t smoke in. They immediately said she was being arrested for domestic battery, even though she didn’t commit it against me. I had no marks, I didn’t call, and made no statement that she hit me. I simply agreed that she knocked it out of my hand with the intent on putting my cigarette out. How can this be? She never hurt me. She is 27 and never even had a speeding ticket, she has been in jail for 2 days since it is the weekend, will they release her on her own recognizance tomorrow at her hearing? I don’t see how they are trying to charge her with battery when she did not.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting this situation is for you and we are sorry that you experienced this. It definitely sounds like this was a situation where the control and ability to make a choice about a response was taken away from you and that is very unfair. We recognize that every situation is not clear-cut or black and white, and there are lots of gray areas that can make it difficult for people outside of the situation to understand what is truly going on. We want you to get the best support you can, and we feel that your question could be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates, and our legal team can be contact by calling the legal voicemail at 916.319.4944. When you call please leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal questions, and they will return your call within a few short business days. In the meantime, if it is available to you, would you be comfortable contacting the law enforcement agency that became involved in the situation to see if they can provide you further support? They should have given you an info card with the case or report number before they left, and you could contact them to provide you with some clarification on her arrest such as what she is being charged with and when she will be released. Sometimes they can even let you speak to the arresting officer and they can explain it to you. If you have any further questions or need any more support or resources, don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Hi. I am a male, i have being with my fiance for the last 17year living with her for 15ish years. Up until now i haven’t even thought of it as abuse. She was drinking every night and she would say things about me and my family that she wouldn’t say if she didn’t have a drink. The next day she wouldn’t remember anything. If i was at work the next day when I get home she is acting like nothing has happened.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. From what you have shared it sounds like your fiance’ is sharing some inappropriate or hurtful things with you regarding your family while she is under the influence of alcohol and this has become a semi-regular occurrence. Healthy communication is the cornerstone to every relationship, and without that there will be no foundation for success. You both are about to make huge commitments within your relationship and we are certain that you want healthy communication to be a part of your relationship. That is a two-way street, and if your fiance’ either uses alcohol to cope with emotions or uses alcohol to confront you about difficult situations, regardless that is not healthy. Perhaps it would be helpful to attend some sort of couple’s counseling? It could be helpful to sit down with an outside, unbiased party who could provide some more insight and evaluation into what this could mean. If you need any further support in this issue, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We can get you connected to resources within your community that could be helpful to you in this situation. 

My ex-boyfriend was very emotionally and then physically abusive. I never reported it to the police out of fear that he would retaliate. It’s been about 2 years now, and I’m worried that he could still be looking for me, or even do this again to his next partner. Should I still report it? I think it’s past the statute of limitations, but I feel like it should be on record somewhere. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal  – 916.920.2952.

My ex best friend of several years and 1 year more than friends, inseparable, he did everything for my son and I. Years went by and I was still never anything other then his friend or neighbor. He found someone else and had me arrested multiple times and jailed. All over false allegations of domestic violence via cyberstalking. Of course it turns out to be refused in court no charges were filed and that was that. But got arrested multiple times. Ruined my life. He was the abuser who got away with it because he is as cop. How can I ever ruin him like he has done to my life my future my sons future.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you went through this. I am sorry that you had to go through that. We can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you and your son, have you thought of getting some support with a counselor? If you would like to discuss this further, learn more about our services, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We want you to feel supported and to know that you are not alone in this.

Are domestic abuse charges dropped from defendant when victim dies

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We appreciate you reaching out, however due to the nature of your question it may be helpful to contact the District Attorneys office for additional support. They can be reached at 916-874-6218.

In addition, it may be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center at 916-876-4673 and speak with a legal advocate. If you require any additional support or information, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

My question or comment.. I am looking to get help in getting some things out and in storage. I attempted this afternoon at 130pm and unfortunately the ABUSER I live with started going off cussing aggressively. I had to call the person I found on Craigslist for moving help and warned him about my situation. BUT I STILL NEED HELP.

I AM SCARED BUT I HAVE NO ONE REALLY.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this. Based of what you have shared, we would recommend you contact your local law enforcement agency, whether that be the police department or sheriffs department, and request a civil stand by. This will allow you the time to clear your items while still assuring safety. If you need additional support or information, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

An unwanted house guest of my partner (we live together but she owns the house) has been verbally abusive towards me, put urine in my coffee mug, and ensures I’m scalded when I shower by messing with the water. Is this grounds for a protective order or no? The “guest” is my girlfriends ex that refuses to leave. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this. We can only imagine how upsetting this is for you, and it is not something you should have to be dealing with. Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about your experiences and how you feel? We would hope that she would be receptive and not wanting you to be experiencing this kind of abuse. Legally, even if you do not have your name on the lease you still have legal claims to the house if you pay rent there and have occupied it for a certain amount of time. We would like to encourage you to reach out to our legal advocates with your concerns and see what support or advice they can provide. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question and they will return your call within a few short business days. If you have any other concerns, want to know more about our services, or get connected to other supportive resources in your area please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My ex had gotten charge with hitting me now over a year later now their wanting to charge me as well for hitting him too. Can they really do that when I live in a other state now and it’s been over a year and I was never change with anything or now went to jail for anything.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry you are experiencing this and it sounds like a very upsetting and confusing situation. Without knowing more about your case we cannot provide the Legal support and answers that you need. However, we do have a wonderful team of Legal advocates who would be more than qualified to provide you with the support you need regarding this Legal matter. You can call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call as soon as they are able within the business week. Additionally, their scope of practice is within Sacramento county. If your legal situation is not in Sacramento County, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can get your connected to legal resources within your area. 

I need Advice I dont Know what to do.. I’m in love with someone who is sweet but he gets mad quick I get Scared sometimes. If my significant other gets mad quick because I asked Him the same question 3 times.. because he wasn’t clear in my opinion & then he chokes me & squeezes my face & points at my forehead really hard is that a sign of him not wanting to tell me things & being violent ?

Thank you for contact WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary this situation is for you and we want to do everything that we can to help you. We are so sorry that you are going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. It is normal to have a broad range of emotions and to sometimes transition between feelings quickly, but when those emotions become violent, that is not okay. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We understand that this may be a lot to process, and we want you to know that you have lots of support. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor, get connected to our services such as Counseling or Legal, or if you would to know about resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone. 
My adult daughter had her ex break into her home and assault her yesterday morning. He destroyed her home, belongings and stole her cell phone. She called the police and they took pics have a warrant for his arrest but he has her cell and is emailing posting revenge pictures on her social media contaxring her co workers and clients and has ruined her life!!! Can someone please help with courses of legal action that she can take against him. My state is MO. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your daughter is experiencing. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. To find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or give the National Domestic Violence hotline a call at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
My ex boyfriend is an alcoholic. He frequently come home drunk and has been starting very aggressive arguments. Everytime i raise my voice in defense of him he blames me for yelling as the reason why he smashes things or physically hurts me. He never has struck me. But grabs me, pushes me to the floor, amd smashes and destroys my things. I really want him to leave but hes on the lease and refuses to leave. When i say im going to call the police he threatens me or threatens to hurt himself so i am actually afraid for my life sometimes. How do i go about this situation of getting him out?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing harassment from your ex boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Please reach out to our support and information line at 916 920-2952, we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources. Similarly, you can reach out to our legal department at 916 319-4944. You’ll need to leave a message with your name, contact info, and a brief explanation of why you’re seeking legal help, and a legal advocate should return your call in around four business days.

 

I’m in America free to go to whichever safe haven I want, I want to go to a safe house really due to being dumped in the street by my ex- boyfriend that they never really treated me for, a time or two I was needing pain medicine and now I have high blood pressure, I’m in trauma from so many times I got battered and it’s abusive doing that to me, they don’t seem to think and it’s dangerous and I got assaulted when in public ,been needing some quiet time ever since I’ve been thinking about in it. I was having spasms when I was in distress. and not only hurting but was in pain alot, every time I try down here for a safe haven, they keep brushing me off and I’m already a survivor from a previous assault that happened earlier in my life and I want to be treated right. **(edited for length) Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please give our support and information line a call at 916 920-2952. We have advocates standing by 24hrs a day, who will be more than happy to assist you in safety planning, offering resources, and providing emotional support!

In order for me to get an apartment after being in an domestic violence shelter do I have to file an order of protection for the person who abused me?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this issue, knowing what legal action to take after experiencing domestic violence is very important and it is good to be aware of your options. Obtaining an order of protection or sometimes called a restraining order is completely voluntary, it is a personal choice, and not something that is a requirement to obtain housing unless there was a court ruling to do so. However, it is something to consider when thinking about the best options to keep yourself safe, but still an individual, case-by-case situational decision. Only you know your experiences best and what would be the best options to keep yourself safe. If you would like to discuss this issue further, please contact our legal voicemail to leave a message with our Legal Advocates who will contact you within a few short business days. The number is 916.319.4944, please leave your name, a safe-identified contact number to return your call at, and your legal question. Our legal advocates scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case is through another county please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to obtain further legal resources. We are always available to provide support, access to our services, or resources within the community at our 24/7 Line at 916.920.2952. 

In 2014 -2016 me and my brother moved in with my dad and his girlfriend and kids and her daughters who are older than us and as the time went on we saw a side of my dad’s girlfriend that we never knew .She verbally and physically abused us, for me when she whooped me 30 times one day for coming home in my gym clothes because she wanted me to come home in what she sent me in an I was sore for about two weeks my lower part was purple and while she whooped me I was screaming and she got tired of hearing me so she slapped me and told me to shut up or she would put duct tape on my mouth …… But I regret it every day knowing that she is still living her life and doesn’t think what she has done was wrong but she would just say it was discipline and I would hate for her to do it to someone else I wonder what I could have done to put her away besides getting evidence since are bruises were gone. (Edited for length)

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that you went through all of this, enduring situations like that is not an easy thing to do. Although we cannot answer to what could have been done at the time, it may be helpful to seek out some additional supports to help process all of those instances. We are available 24/7 on our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.  In addition, it may be helpful to come into weave to either seek out individual or group counseling for support. Our Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Although we cannot change what happened in the past, we are here to support you as you move forward.

If I call the cops on my abusive boyfriend and he’s not on my lease or any of the bills at my house or anything will they for sure be able to make him leave. Cause I sure Wud hate to the call the cops and there’s nothing they can do because it’s a “civil” matter ! And that Wud make it so much worse on me if they can’t make him leave and I called them

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. We commend you for reaching out for support. Unfortunately, I cannot promise that the police will make him leave. One option is going down to the courthouse and filing a move out order. Also contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services to get more support is always available to you. Our Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose we are here to support you.  

I really need help. I’ve been married for 5 years now. The first 4 years was good. Last year it all went bad. My husband has broke my rib busted my nose and put a knife to my throat. I tried to leave and he treated me saying if I make it out he will hunt me down and I’ll regret it that’s if I make it out or I can leave but it will be in a body bag. He has never hurt my kids ever. Tonight my daughter didn’t wanna go to bed. Out of no where he hit the heck out of her back with a belt. I called the cops but he lied to them and they left. Idk what to do. Am such a worthless mom. Help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. Child Protective Services may be a good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep the children from the father AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

About 7 to 5 years ago i was emotionally and sexually abused by my ex fiancee. Is there any way i can file a lawsuit without having to confront him. It gives me the chills just thinking about this and i dont ever want to see him. I saw him around november of 2018 while I was on my way home from work in Berkeley, CA and i got a panic attack just seeing his face. I never went back to work since that day because i didn’t want to cross paths with him again. He use to buy me alcohol. He cheated on me several times when we were engaged and he use to make me smoke marijuana so that i can be “relaxed”.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. First, we want to say that what you experienced in your relationship with your ex fiance’ is not okay, and we are so sorry that happened to you. We can only imagine how hard it has been to process that trauma, and running into him must have been very triggering. We hope that you have a strong support system that you can lean on. Next, we would like to refer you to our wonderful legal team who would be more qualified to answer your queries regarding filing a lawsuit. They practice law through Sacramento County and you can leave a message with your name, a safe-identified contact number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern, and they will return your call within two-three business days at 916.319.4944. If you do not live in Sacramento County, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can refer you to supportive services and legal resources within your area. Please know we are here for you, and you are not alone in this. 

How can we as parents address plausible accusations of violence against our son who is middle aged. We are aware of his controlling behavior and his verbal abuse but up until this time we weren’t aware of any violence. His father has had conversations with him in the past regarding this behavior trying to get him to understand the damage he is doing to his all of his relationships with no results. This last weekend it became physical and we are heartsick and frightened. We live in another state and considered traveling to confront him but became concerned that might just make matters worse.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We applaud you for recognizing that your son may be a perpetrator since you yourself have seen a different side of him at times. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with their emotional health, so they don’t continue their violent behavior. Your son on the other hand seems unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions and if you fear he can become violent, trust your intuition. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check or other options. You can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate for more emotional support.

The other night I called the police on my husband who suffers from PTSD and he choked me until I could not breath after an angry argument we had where initially I was irate in text messages and calm when I got home he got violent when I got home and I fearing for my safety called for help with the police. My husband fearing he would be arrested made a statement that I held a knife to him and they arrested me they said because I through text messages looked like I was the aggressor and we both told different stories. His lie has brought fourth a felony arrest for what occurred and if charged I will lose my career, my education and my future potentially. My husband wants to stay married but he doesn’t see that he had the control of his bx not to allow it to physically escalate and he had not care for my safety and that is why I called the police. My life was more important than his inability to self-regulate. I hired a lawyer and I hope the charges are declined by the DA, my husband refused to press charges and pleaded to the police not to arrest me. Over the years I’ve endured so much abuse and trauma with this man and the day I call for help the police make him the victim. I’m seeking support in my church, my family, and friends. I don’t want to be married anymore to this man and now I have a criminal lawyer when in should have hired a divorce attorney months ago. My only question is where should I go from here when everything feels stacked up against me.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your husband. We understand how frustrated you must feel about him still having this much power over your life, even after all of these years. You have shown so much strength over the years and it’s important to remember that, especially during the difficult times. WEAVE has a legal department that is for Sacramento residents only; however if you need legal assistance in another county, The National Domestic Violence hotline may be able to guide you in the right direction and can be reached at 1-800-799-7233. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

My bf does what ever he wants..when he wants; and when after 4 yes. teied to take 1! bath without him in the room called me names, threatened me,and said if I don’t have sex with him soon I’d never see him again. And then stated “And everyone is gonna be on my side,you watch, b****!” Not new,just getting wierder and worse! Area cops are useless! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If you would like to talk to advocate you can contact us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My mother in law told my husband to put order protection on me with all lies. I want to call her church and report her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you are going through this. In order to give you more support we have advocates who offer emotional support and can further explore options with you if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My husband put lying order protection on me actually this is the second one. He stole my clothes and won’t let me get them should I call his lawyer?

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Due to the fact this is a legal question, we would recommend you get in contact with the Weave Legal Department for further support on what options you have. Our legal department can be reached at 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail number, so when you call just leave a message and they will return the call as soon as possible. If you need additional support or information, please contact our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

My friend said she was beat by her ex-husband 10 years ago and he is still trying to control her life won’t let her have any friends what is the best way to help her get her life back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. You are being a great support for her by reaching out on her behalf. Please feel free to have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options she may choose.

My husband has been verbally abusing me, sometimes hitting me and threatening to hit me or kill me. Just found out I am pregnant and the abuse and threats got worse. He wants an abortion and threatens to kill me if I don’t have one. I have told him several times I want a divorce and he needs to leave the house, which I have bought it. What should I do with a person that wont leave my own house and is being abusive and threatening? Have not told a soul of my situation, I am afraid and don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are going through this. You are so brave for reaching out for help. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. You can also file a restraining order so you can obtain a move out order to get him out the house. We also offer a divorce workshop here on the 2nd Thursday of the Month from 5:30 pm – 7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the Month from 3:00 pm – 5:00 pm. This workshop includes the opportunity for you to complete the necessary forms to start the divorce or legal separation, or to learn about the issues that may be involved in divorce/legal separation. There is no legal advice provided during the workshop; only legal information is provided, specific to filing for a divorce in Sacramento County. The workshop is open to the public and you would need to make an appointment by calling (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with your contact information. Please feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options you may choose.

My mother hit me as a child. I never saw bruises because I never thought to look, not because they were not necessarily there. I was sore for days after sometime though and one time u could see her entire hand on my cheek from where she had struck me. My brother told me it wasn’t physical abuse because I never saw a bruise. Was it abuse or no?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you went through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We define domestic violence as being able to occur to anyone, by anyone (your friend, a family member, a coworker, etc). It does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual. With that being said, we are certain this could be bringing up a lot of past trauma or memories or feelings you hadn’t felt in a long time. We want you to feel supported and to know that you are not alone in this. If you would like to discuss this further, learn more about our services, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We feel there are many services that could be helpful to you in navigating this, such as Counseling services. 

My wife had a mental breakdown that was also alcohol fueled and became belligerent. She was causing a huge, loud scene outside of our home. She ended up falling down into something and injuring her face pretty badly. Our neighbors called the police due to the loudness of the situation. The police arrested me for aggravated battery on her. Her police statement to the police on scene was that I absolutely didn’t hit her and that she was acting crazy and fell down and hit her face. We both got attorneys. A declination of prosecution was filed by her attorney. I’m terrified and embarrassed by this perfect storm of coincidences that have me falsely accused. Do I have a chance for the charges to be dropped? This is my first run in with the law and I have no history of any violence what so ever. Thank you

Dear Reader, Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you both have taken the proper steps to resolve this. In complex situations like this it is best to seek advice from legal professionals which you both have already done. Although we cannot provide legal advice we would be more than happy to provide emotional support during this time should you or your wife need additional support. You can contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at (916)-920-2952.

My wife had me arrested saying I drove by her house Monday night violating the order. Now, I was at home with my roommate and talking to my mom as well. How can I be arrested for this violation when she cant prove the allegation? Now I have to fight that too.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We cannot provide legal advice but it does sound like the circumstances under which you were accused may need legal consultation. if you have an attorney it would be best to contact them. If you would like additional support or information please call us at (916)-920-2952

 

My step children are extremely abusive both mentally emotionally verbally and physically toward me and when I made the comment to my husband if they continue to escalate their verbally abusive assaults on me and he does nothing to stop them and did nothing to stop them that if it did escalate when he made the sarcastic comment that he would just get ready for work and leave and we can argue all night and I made the comment know if this continues I’ll call the police he commented back that whoever calls the police and embarrasses him will no longer live in this house what do I do When I have been told by the local police and sheriffs department to call them my husband tells me if I do he will divorce or throw me out but yet he allows his children to continue to emotionally verbally physically and mentally abuse me and does nothing to stop it if not encourages it by screaming at me like it’s my fault that they’re treating me that way when I say to stop that I’m the one that’s arguing with his children what do I do. Also there has been a few times where he has threatened to sexually raped me if I didn’t go along with his sexual advances or desires because of me being approved or not wanting him anymore which is not true but when I’m treated like I’m nothing I’m not really sexually motivated to do anything am I crazy Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Your situation can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. We have advocates standing by  to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you, if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Similarly, there is an organization called A Community for Peace, which specializes in family violence, and they can be reached at 916-728-7210.
Well one morning my boyfriend and I got into an argument after him verbally abusing me all night long he got in my face super close where his nose was touching mine and he cursed at me and I had been holding so much in from that night and I reacted and slapped him after he got all in my face now I have a warrant for that but I never received nothing saying I had court because I moved from the last place I lived what can I do or what’s gonna happen I’m scared to go to jail I have 3 kids in responsible for 24/7 Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though, I can imagine this is a stressful and confusing time. Due to the legal aspect of your question, we would recommend you contact our legal department for further support. The number to the legal department is 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail number, so when you call leave a message and they should return the call as soon as possible which can take up to a few days. If you need additional emotional support or have other questions, please call our 24/7 hotline at 916-920-2952.

I called the police on my girlfriend she was arrested for domestic violence i didnt press charges she was released i recieved a letter from the domestic violence unit 19 days later i wasnt home to recieve it and i didnt make it to the post office in time to pick it up what could that letter be about

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you had to go through that abuse with your girlfriend. Since we do not work for the domestic violence unit where the letter came, we are not sure what the letter could be about. You should contact the domestic violence and ask for another letter to be sent out or ask to speak with someone and they could possible explain to you what the letter was about. If you would like to speak with one of our advocates about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. 

My daughter who is 16 was in a relationship with a boy she met at her High School. They were both 14 when they met and started a relationship that became sexual by the time they were both 15. She hid most of it from us. About a year after they started dating, her dad and I came across evidence on her phone that he was abusing her. Long story short, it got worse to where we went to court and she was granted a restraining order for 18 months. They have lots of mutual friends and we hear about him. Recently he was put into juvenile hall for assault with a deadly weapon unrelated to my daughter’s restraining. Do we have the right to know when he is released and his whereabouts? We feel so nervous and scared that he might just turn up when we least expect it.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE; we are so sorry that happened, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for your daughter.  According to http://www.probation.saccounty.net/Institutions/Pages/ReleaseInformation.aspx, release dates and information for juveniles in custody are typically provided at a court hearing or by a Probation Officer. For further questions, contacting the Juvenile Court Services at (916) 875-6868 may be an option. If he does contact or make attempts to communicate with your daughter, he is violating the restraining order and contacting law enforcement would be the best option for that situation. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior. If you or your daughter would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

elderly father with dementia threatens to beat disabled ill daughter to death & keeps threatening to throw her out of the house. constant verbal, emotional abuse, terror, & constant hostilities at home. hopeless, dispaired. Death is only escape? I am very isolated. No friends. No money. Disabled. Ill. Can’t stand or walk very much. I am sick of life long systematic mental abuse. Now unbearable because I cannot live in this beaten down broken mentally & emotionally disabled from systematic mental torture all my life long. God. Save me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. This can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 for immediate assistance. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.

Hi this is tina i ran away from my husband from toronto to vancovour cause he threthend me my sister and kids in 13/13/2013 cause he rape me and beat me and my older son .he spoted me in vancovour bc 5 years.i never asked for shares or child support but after that i was in the resperator 5 times in 2017 i saw his friend in the same hospital in chilliewack bc hospital.i was in second stage.housing then i came back in 2017 april 2017 it just would not stop so when i came to toronto ontario i was in woman resesdents ledo motal i had to find a lawyer but i dont know what took my lawyer 1year but finily friday 11 2019 i was called to family i told my lawyer.all my fear.to give the judgebut i have to obay with all recepts.today jan 19 2019 12 pm they father will.being seeing them with my sister.but before i signing i told my lawyer that friend was my husband friend.31 devesion had arrested.his friend but my husband was.as well in 2 times arrested his friend was the one that sported us in vancovour help me 12 pm he.will be meating them kids are all under 14 years please help me

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you and your children. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.

My husband & I had gotten into a financial argument in his car. He pulled over & told me to get the fuck out of his car. I got out took the 2 mile walk home. I made it safely back home. Now he can’t even look me in the face. Is this abuse? Is he “trying” to be remorseful?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear you had to go through that with your husband. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We provide counseling and other services. If you would like to talk to an advocate and receive information please call us at our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

can I kick out of my house my son of 19 if he hits me, doesn’t comply with house rules, breaks things around the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how it must feel to not have your son comply with the household  rules you’ve established in addition to him hitting you.  We advise you to contact your local  law enforcement agency if your safety is at risk.  Additionally, when deciding whether to remove your son from your home it is important to consider your safety, their age, and how to transition them out of your home safely. We can provide safety planning and emotional support should you need it. Please call 916-920-2952.

I have a friend who needs help with filing for his divorce, he is ex navy seal with many health issues and has been dealing with his ex-wife who has frozen his bank accounts , locked him out of his face book account. He has suffered enough, the harassment and mental abuse is too much for him he needs some real help. Is this a place he may come to for help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that your friend is going through this. You are being a great support for him by reaching out on his behalf. We do offer a divorce workshop here on the 2nd Thursday of the Month from 5:30 pm – 7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the Month from 3:00 pm – 5:00 pm. This workshop includes the opportunity for the individual to complete the necessary forms to start their divorce or legal separation, or to learn about the issues that may be involved in their divorce/legal separation. There is no legal advice provided during the workshop; only legal information is provided, specific to filing for a divorce in Sacramento County. The workshop is open to the public and your friend would need to make an appointment by calling (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with his contact information. Please feel free to have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options he may choose.

My ex boyfriend and I would occasionally socially do drugs. One day he wanted to go the beach with our friends and do LSD. I refrained from doing the drug even though he tried to persuade me to join his trip. After sunset at the beach things went terribly wrong. he sped off and started talking crazily. He made me start driving after stopping the car in the middle of the road. He threw our phones out the window, thus loosing directions and causing us to end up on a deserted dark road. Where he dragged me out of the car and as I attempted to flee he tackled me and punched me. He ran away and the cops found him. where he was then baker acted. His parents sent him off to rehab where he calls me begging for a second chance. He swears something took over his body and that he would never ever hurt me. He swears he had no control and hardly even remembers. Do drugs really have this much power over someone? Should I believe him? Is he not at complete fault? Should I consider taking him back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. It is not easy to navigate situations such as this, and we commend you for reaching out for support. While drugs never justify violence, the presence of a drug abuse can contribute to a violent, abusive, or scary situation. We are all responsible for our actions and being under the influence of drugs or alcohol does not resolve us from taking responsibility. Your experience with your ex-boyfriend sounds frightening and it may be helpful reach out to our 24/7 Support & Information Line to talk with advocate about the feelings you are experiencing – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I’m in love with a man who began the mental and emotional abuse when we first got our home together . Got so bad I told him my son and I were leaving . He got angry said so your leaving me hit himself with phone charger had me arrested but sheriff new and the DA said not picking this charge up. Tossed out court. I did get a CPO grated then 5 year restraining order. He still contacted. After 6 months he never stopped harassing me threatening my job then one day everything change. Said he’s getting help wants us to go to consoling and I let him back got order dropped and the court rep. It’s not just emotional, and mental it gets physical bad. I went into work with a messed up face arms all be used up and he’s grabbed me by my throat just 2 weeks ago he had his hands choking me I could breath was barley hitting his chest and almost passed out. When released I gasp for air. I LOVE THE SOBER MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH NOT THIS ONE HELP BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO [edited for length]. 

Thank you for reaching out to us  at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner into making the changes that you want. If he is ready to take steps to address his anger management problems and his history of abuse, there is a program called “Man Alive” which is an anger management course specifically for men only. She can reach them at (877) 366-8935. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.

My wife is getting physically abusive it’s becoming a habit about once a week if I try to stick up for myself with words or threats she says no one’s going to believe a man over a woman and she’ll just say that I’m the one that’s physically violent right now I have marks all over my face from her I do not hit back or become violent I figured out a way to not even get angry anymore what can I do to help her? Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner in to making these changes. If she is ready to take steps to address her anger management problems, there is a program called “The Alive Program” which is an anger management course specifically for women only. She can reach them at (916)929-3039. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our Support and Information line at (916)920-2952
If I wanted to come into WEAVE for help/support for a few incidents I have been through with my ex would those incidents be reported to the police if I talked about them? I’m just looking for a safe space to talk about them and work through them without involving law enforcement. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. WEAVE provides counseling to domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. Everything you discuss with your counselor is private, confidential and protected, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court in case there is a court process. To find out more about the counseling process, please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 or you can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My aunt lives in Mexico with her husband and she isn’t allowed to go out nor come and visit the family ; she is expected to stay home cook for the husbands mom and clean and she isn’t allowed to work . Years back he had laid hands on her . She ended pretty badly. She went back because of the children . She got kicked out the house today and she wasn’t allowed to take anything and had to leave without her children . She’s really scared and frankly I am too. What should we do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear about what your aunt is going through in Mexico. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We are not familiar with laws in Mexico regarding domestic violence and marital laws. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, does she have family in Mexico that she could stay with in the meantime? Can she go to law enforcement and file a police report for domestic violence and for husband wrongfully taking her children away? She could also reach out to non-profit agencies that provide assistance to victims of domestic violence there (if there are any). Ultimately she might want to seek out legal services and someone to represent her in order to be able to get her children back. This is a very scary and stressful situation and you and your family deserve the support as well. Please contact us at our Information and Support Line 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for emotional support.

Hello i don’t know what to do in case my daughters father tries to see her, I won’t let her go but I’m afraid of him and his family. Can he call the cops on me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are having some concerns surrounding custody of your daughter, and her father’s rights to see her? It is a little difficult for us to provide support without having more information, such as your current custody agreement, but from our understanding if you have a legal custody agreement, then there are certain rights that he holds to spend time with her. If you would like further support in not only understanding how custody works, such as shared custody and visitations, we would be happy to help you with that. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to contact you at, and your legal questions/concerns. Please know if you need any further support, want information about other services we offer, or resources within the community, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
He was play hitting me with belt asked him to stop he did it anyway so I hit him twice with a cord then he got furious and started hitting me with the belt more as I tried dressing to leave he even put a phone cord around my throat but didnt pull it right. Was this my fault since I hit him with a cord when he disnt stop after I asked him to? Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you are going through this. Violence is never your fault. Every relationship should be based on respect and dignity. The second you said stop, he should have, regardless of if you hit him with a cord or not. If you’re interested, we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support and other resources. Please call our Support and Information line at: 916-920-2952.

My boyfriend has pushed me twice now to the floor while we were both drinking and fighting, I know I can be really mean while intoxicated and he has been under a lot of financial pressure (that’s why we are fighting) and the next day he doesn’t even talk to me about it or try to apologize or anything. I am concerned that it has happened 2 times and it might happen again or if I break up with him he might snap even worse. What should I do. How can I talk to him about this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you have been experiencing this with your boyfriend. Even if you have been mean and even if you have been drinking that does not give the right for anyone to physically assault you. I would encourage you to seek out supports for you and your boyfriend. Whether that be contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we just had our baby girl 2 months ago and he has never put his hands on me until a couple of days ago he got arrested and charged with domestic violence by strangulation he is still in jail and has been put on medication for or ad bipolar disorder and depression and it doesn’t really seem like he had control over it I mean I was with my ex husband for 9 years and he was very abusive and this just doesn’t feel like my boyfriend intentionally done it we hardly ever argue and we work together on everything and he has never been controlling I’ve never felt with him how I did with my ex husband so I was wondering if his mental state could of caused what he done and if he gets on the right medications and goes to counseling if our relationship could be the way it was before this one incident happened??? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear you are going through all of this right now, it sounds like there are some complicating factors. Mental illness can be difficult to navigate as it happens in the home, and although I am unable to say if it caused what he did, I would encourage you to seek out additional supports for you and your family. Whether that be contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose.

My 24 year old son has been arrested for domestic battery and endangering the welfare of a child. His daughter is 2. Evidently he was drunk on tequila and Lord only knows what else. The little girl is black and blue on her legs, bumps on her head and bruise on her nose.
He has been in trouble with the law. Unemployed.
I don’t want to turn my back on him but his behavior has reached a new low.
Should I hire him a lawyer? Do I accept his calls from jail?
My wife is very mad with me as she thinks I should cut him out of our life forever.
I am sick all the way around and don’t know what I should do?

 

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear how your son’s actions are affecting you and your family. You ask some hard questions about life changing decisions. We have a 24-hour support and information line with advocates standing by to offer support, which you can reach by calling 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free sessions with a counselor, if that is something your family would be interested in. To access those services, we ask that you come in for a walk-in triage. Our address is 1900 K st. Sacramento, CA. The times for walk-in triage are: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM
I am having difficulties at home and am not sure if I’m able or eligible to get help. I have been kicked out of my boyfriends apartment quite often, we argue constantly, he is constantly calling me a b*****, we have gotten into a physical altercations and I feel like the arguments always get heated but every time I have left he follows me everywhere I go and so I stay in my car in a parking lot. I have been scared that something more might happen if I stay I’m not sure if I would even qualify for help and counseling. Can somebody answer my message with more info?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about your relationship and constant fights with your boyfriend. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your boyfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 and go over your options.

Where to get help post divorce 4/14/15, where I was abused and continue to be abused, by my X-husband, and our family courts in El Dorado County, California. I am 70 years old, lost everything except my homeowners exemption, working as nurse for 50 years, through garnishment must pay my X, $2200.00 monthly till he dies, plus $140,000.00 more. I have worked my whole life and helped others. My X-Husband had nothing and took everything from me – over $1 million. I was only married to him for 11 years-no children together. There was a trial due to his undisclosed assets-he never disclosed.  There were court documents that went missing, delays in court processing, talk of judges and attorneys being paid off. This is a travesty of justice. My X-husband has committed fraud, forgery, perjury, divorce trial in Superior Courts, El Dorado County, California, and no one cares [edited for length]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you have been going through this.  WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Am I stupid to think that he’d change and see that I am a good person not a lazy,fat, tweaking *****,and I have only done meth a few times in my Life I am going to a addiction therapist and I have been opiate free since January 6,2012… he said since he pays for my medication that I have to share it with him.he too was addicted to opiates (pain pills) and I am the only one who sought treatment for my addiction. So I think that I can ask you my question now Am I stupid because I have tried to make it work and after 32 years of the same thing and I am sickened by this because I don’t mean enough for them to get family counseling, my oldest son said earlier this evening, and I think that when he said that I knew that he is brainwashed about me his dad has always worked with him since he was around 10 he went everywhere because of the 3 younger kids ages 8,6 and 3 at the time Am I stupid or delusional [edited for length & content]. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you have been going through this with your husband for the past 32 years. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial for you to seek out counseling services and receive support. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I’m interested in receiving counseling from Weave but curious about how you typically conduct your counseling sessions? is it typically in group therapy settings or is there also one-on-one counseling available?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. WEAVE provides individual and group counseling services for those impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Please make arrangements for childcare during triage and counseling appointments. If you or someone you know needs counseling from WEAVE, please call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or complete a free triage assessment session during the following times:

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM
Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

My mother in law was assaulted by her adult daughter who was staying at her apartment. (The adult daughter had been staying there about 8 days at the time of the assault and the assault occurred 1 week ago today. She wants to dispose of her daughter’s belongings. Can she do that? (Colorado).

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear your mother in law was assaulted by her own daughter. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. She may also want to reach out to her local law enforcement in order to ask about her rights.

I’m afraid to leave my husband because I think he will try to pull the while suicide stunt again or start throwing things. How do I leave?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that you are going through this; this can be a very scary situation. If you ever feel like you are in danger at any time, please call law enforcement. I know that this can be a scary thing to do, however if your husband is making attempts at suicide, this is one of the ways to help ensure you and your families safety.

If you need help finding safe resources for leaving or would like to discuss some more of your options, please contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Please reach out if you need any support! 

I have a custody trial coming up in two months. I can’t afford the $8k retainer my lawyer needs. There was DV with the father 5 years ago, while I was pregnant with our child, but he was never charged. How can I get free legal rep at the trial? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you are going through this process and want to do everything we can to help support you. It sounds like you are looking for legal support with your child custody case. We have many legal services and resources that you can get connected with through our 24/7 Support and Information. Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and get connected to legal resources. 

My wife was grabbed by arm and thrown down by neighbor whom was drunk and also slung childs riding toy at our heads. Intent to harm or worse. All the way to Chief. Did Nothing. Approx. 9 months later I accidently touched neighbors fence and Sheriff’s deputy shoved my wife by her breasts for trying to talk. The next day I was arrested on $3000 dollar bond. Neighbors continue to harass me and my family going on over 4 years. Seeking contingency Civil Lawyer. I want Justice, compensation, charges filed against everyone involved. Same Commissioner saw my wifes bruised arm. Need a Lawyer. Have very little money. A lot of documents, reports and pics. [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you and your wife are being harassed and abused by your neighbor. We are a Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Agency and our legal department only takes and assists with Family Law cases related to that. In seems that for your case you will possibly need to hire a private civil attorney. In you live in the Sacramento region for more information please reach out to Voluntary Legal Services Program-  http://www.vlsp.org/. As well as Attorney Referral Service – https://www.lawyerlegion.com/lawyer-referral-directory/california/sacramento-county/

We hope you find the help you need.

I have been abuse mentally and verbally abused. After 33 yrs of marriage my husband is using my Mental Afflictions to bring charges against me. I broke down and socked him. I was arrested, never been in trouble. After release I called WEAVE immediately and was told “You are the abuser we cannot help you. I had no place to go. I was told because he did not batter me physically I have no rights. I cannot comprehend the fact that an individual can abuse you mentally but because no hands were put on me, I have no rights. I have no record, I’m female, 70 yrs old with many ailments and now this man will once again wIll walk away. He is an abuser. Was found guilty in 1986 for child abuse and also was abusive to his first wife. I’m lost, I’m scared and I’m repressed by a Public Defender and to this date, months, he has returned only two calls and no other communication to this point. I have pre-trial on January 24th, court on March 5th and 6th. I feel I’m going to be chastised without any facts. Please help and Thank You.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

3 days after cataract surgery my daughter insisted on taking me to the grocery store and her massive S UV. I told her I felt a little unstable and asked if she would be willing to drive my car she said no I don’t want to drive your car I am more comfortable in the S UV. However as we were driving me she told me that this was the 1st time she had driven this truck. She also drove me to church in this truck and dropped me off at the front door it was difficult to get out of the truck. I felt very embarrassed I am 78 years old Female and it just felt awkward.We walked out of church together and back to the truck. She had parked it next to a curb so I had to wait for her to pull the truck out into the parking lot before I could get in she asked me to stand at a certain place but the trees were in my way so I moved further down To stand clear of the bushes. She got very upset with me and she said now look what you’ve done, There’s A-line of people behind me waiting to get out if you had just listened to me this would not have happened. I did not respond I just sat there and let it all pass. She Has a generous heart. Took me shopping to buy me a plant but insisted on getting something that she liked. She went with me to purchase a mattress for my dad and was constantly after me about watching my purse, Criticizes me in public. I I have always been respectful of her as a child and as an adult. I have a master’s degree in social work M now retired. However she treated me the same way when I was working. How can I handle situations in the future to avoid these kinds of reactions from her? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting and debilitating this situation is for you, and it is not something you should have to be going through. From our understanding of what you have shared with us, it sounds like your daughter is your primary caregiver? If what we are understanding is true, then it sounds like your daughter has some caregiver burnout. It does not excuse her behavior or treatment of you at all, but helps us to understand the situation better. We have a couple suggestions that we hope could be helpful in this situation. We understand that it is a difficult situation because you depend on your daughter for support and help with some daily activities but at the same time are very independent and have your own needs and lifestyle. Would it be at all possible and safe for you to have a conversation directly with your daughter regarding her treatment of you? Perhaps you both could have an honest conversation about your relationship and what you need from each other. If that is not an option, is being supported by someone else an option? Such as a friend, another family member, or even a supportive service program? If you have to continue being supported by her and she continues to treat you this way, we would like to encourage you to practice healthy boundaries with her. If she is mistreating you or you feel she is not hearing your needs, be clear with her and demand otherwise. Or take a moment to yourself to check in and ground yourself. How you are being treated now is unacceptable and we want you to know that we are here for you. We would love to support you further with this, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I got out of a toxic relationship two years ago and finally opened up to dating again. 
Long story short I gave the manchild my key we are no longer dating and he refuses to give it back. 
Aside from this triggering my trauma I really would like to know what measures I could take to protect myself and have him pay the consequences but I don’t know how or what to do and would hate to have to change my locks 
Any advice greatly appreciated

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Firstly, we just want to commend you for your bravery, leaving a toxic relationship is not an easy thing to do.

In terms of protecting yourself, there are a few different options on how to proceed. One way to aid in your safety is that you can file for a restraining order. If you require assistance with completing/filing the paperwork, there is a free workshop offered at the William R. Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. There is no appointment is necessary, and the class is offered every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8:30 a.m. until 12:00 p.m. Another option is to see if you qualify for Victim/Witness Assistance. This is a program that provides a number of services, and could help with covering the costs to change your locks. You can contact Victim Assistance to get more information at 916-874-5701.

If you need further clarification on these resources or need additional support, we are available on our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

If I die(left abusive 20 year marriage 3 months ago) even though we are still married, can I have my sister handle my affairs?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. If you fear for your life due to recently having left your husband/abuser of 20 years please contact law enforcement and/or file for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. But if you just would like to have your affairs in order there are legal documents you could prepare now, such as a trust or a will. For more information please see website https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/getting-your-affairs-order#important-papers

If you would like to talk to an advocate and go over more information and support for safety planning please call us at our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Canadian citizens are victims of domestic abuse and desperately need to return back to Canada. The family is currently lives abroad.
Husband has gotten hold all of their Canadian documents and so preventing them to return back to Canada. Please help.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear what this family is going through. Have you (or they) contacted Law Enforcement to file a police report? Also, it might be beneficial to contact the Canadian Consulate, for more information please see their website https://international.gc.ca/world-monde/country-pays/united_states-etats_unis/index.aspx?lang=eng

If you or the family would like to speak to an advocate and receive more information and/or support in regards to safety and action planning please contact us at our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I got out of an mentally abuse relationship. So know my ex started to threaten me. We both was living in a house where I paid everything (rent, utilities and food). I had enough and moved out. I couldn’t get all my belongings out in one trip so I came back the next day and the locks where changed. The lease is under my name only. I still have important belonging in the house. I texted him and he called me all kinds of names. So I turned off the utilities. Now he starts threatening me with lies. I’m a Manager and deal with money every day. I’ve been doing this Typ of work for over 20 years. He said that he will call the company I’m working for now to tell them that I stole money from my old companies. I never stole a penny in my life. I don’t know what to do. Can I call the police because he is trying to blackmail me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are going through this situation. You should definitely call law enforcement and have a civil stand by while you are able to collect your belongings. You can also file a report with them about the threats he has been making towards you. You can also file a restraining order so you can obtain a move out order to get him out the apartment. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I left an abusive relationship… he is doing everything he can to make my life miserable. .. I’m staying with a friend but can only stay a couple days. I need a place ASAP! My ex took all the money I had and I don’t get paid again until next Friday… I’m desperate if anyone can help I would appreciate it!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your abuser even though you left him. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will be best for you.


 
I have been living with my significent other’s family for about five months. His sister and father have been harassing and intimidating me since day 1. His sister has threatened to kill me in front of my son, has charged at me multiple times, glares at me intimidatingly, has gone through my personal private property and destroyed a few things. The father has grabbed my wrist and squeezed it very hard once, grabbed my sons shirt collar and threatened him, has verbally threatened me multiple times. 
I am wondering if this is all still considered domestic violence though my significant other and I aren’t married?
Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear your partner’s family are treating you and your son this way. To answer your question, Yes this can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. We have advocates standing by  to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you, if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Similarly, there is an organization called A Community for Peace, which specializes in family violence, and they can be reached at 916-728-7210.

If my abuser leaves can he come back and take stuff out of my home? We have 3 kids. He wants to leave and in two weeks get his stuff after.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It may be safer to have law enforcement do a civil standby while he comes and retrieves his belongings. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I am in a negative, abusive arrangement made by my brother/family without my permission or consent. This person is verbally abusive and absurd behavior, pranks,hacking, humiliation and I have the Atlanta Police Department,officials and Mayor involved surveillance, bullying and harassment, death threats, intimidation, unkind. I have been terminated unfairly and filed with the EEOC. My family members spearheaded by my brother are also watching me. I cannot retain any lawyer anywhere because of people who influence are huge. I am looking somewhere for shelter and help in the the Southern California area. I am hoping for some help from somewhere. This city is corrupt on every level and I am in dire straits.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your family. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. But since you leave out of state please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).  

My daughter is in abusive relationship. Her boyfriend a bum uses her car as his house and sex place for them. My 18 y .o daughter went to jail twice for domestic violence due to he is controlling, abusive they fight a lot and her bf got battery misdemeanor when he healed at her. The 1st jail time of my daughter was dismissed. The 2nd time she still in jail waiting for arraignment but the day she got pick up her bf got pick up too and book him is arrest warrant for burglary, resisting arrest, giving false name, and battery towards an officer. I’m bailing my daughter if arraignment will not be on her side. Her bf will stay in jail for sure. Is my daughter case will be drop since her as accuser is in jail too?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions. We are so sorry to hear that you and your daughter have been going through this; I know this must not be an easy situation to navigate. Due to there being a legal aspect to this question, I would recommend you contact the WEAVE legal department for support on what next steps you and your daughter can take; they can be reached at 916-319-4944. In addition to this, it may also be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center at 96-875-4673 for additional legal support.  

Through this stressful and confusing time, I want you to know you are not alone. We are available 24/7 for you and your daughter via Weave’s support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I am chronically ill and therefore disabled and cannot work. I am financially dependent on my abusive parents for medical care, health insurance, medication, and all of my living expenses. I don’t know how to escape this situation because my medical care is so expensive. They sabotage my attempts to get on disability income and punish me for trying. They also sabotaged other attempts I have made to leave in the past. They blatantly want me helpless and under their control forever. It feels like the only way out would be if someone decided to just pay for everything for me. How can I get out of here when I need so much money just to live but I can’t work?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this with your parents. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. WEAVE has a variety of resources including counseling and a 24/7 support and information line. We are here to support you, please reach out to one of our Peer Support Advocates at 916.920.2952.

What takes place in a triage appointment? Is it kind of like counseling or?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Triage is for counseling, please see below the attached information:

 

WEAVE provides individual and group counseling services for those impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Please make arrangements for childcare during triage and counseling appointment. If you or someone you know needs counseling from WEAVE, please call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or complete a free triage assessment session during the following times:

1900 K Street, Sacramento – 2nd Floor

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM

Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

Triage counseling is free. Community counseling is available to individuals, couples, and families on a sliding scale of $40 – $100 per session.

All counseling services are provided by WEAVE counselors and not associated with any other local counseling or mental health service.

The first message got sent as a text message (instead of iMessage – not sure why), then a few hours later it got sent again as an iMessage. My boyfriend asked me why I sent the message again and said that I “f***ed up”, basically implying that I probably sent it to some other guy and told me to “just be honest if I’m cheating”. He always asks me if I’m cheating on him, and I always reassure him. I have friends and family that can vouch for me, but he refuses to reach out to them and confirm my whereabouts. He knows he has insecurities, but we always seem to have little fights here and there about his suspicions. I’m trying to keep the relationship together, but I’m not sure how much more I can handle. He has taken photos of my texts and sent it to my friends. The photos didn’t imply anything, and my friends are not on good terms with him any longer. He’s been better since, but now it seems like things are just repeating itself. I love him dearly, when things are good, he is lovely to be around. He is an alcoholic and has been doing fairly well, but recently he went on a binge over the weekend. I’m ready to give up.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concern and we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. It is difficult to be with a person that requires you to constantly defend yourself and your actions. It is important for him to recognize that trust is really important within a relationship, but he needs to be willing to change and improve to make it strong and healthy. At the end of the day you need to make sure you are doing what you need, to take care of yourself. Please reach out to our 24/7 support and information line with any questions you may have or for additional support at 916.920.2952.

 Who can help me when my husband is being mentally abusive towards me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear you are experiencing this right now, but we want you to know it is very brave o to reach out for help. In situations such as mental abuse, it can be helpful to have a plan of people who you can call for support. In terms of how WEAVE can help, utilizing the support and information line can be one way to get that support. We can be reached 24/7 at 916-920-2952. In addition to the support line, it may also be helpful to come into weave for a triage and speak with one of our counselors. We offer triage three days a week, Tuesdays from 12-2pm, Wednesdays form 5-7pm, and Thursdays from 12-2pm. This is all our midtown location, which is at 1900 K Street in Sacramento. You are not alone and there is support available.

My son and his wife live in my mobile home and he’s mentally abusive to her and she runs to me I live next door in a camper. she here lately has done it once a week my husband is sick of it and told me to take her to her mom or dads or back to trailer. he works hard 6 days a week and my son and his wife don’t work and yesterday my husband couldn’t find his air gage and a tool in shed was not put back where it goes so I go and tell son he goes off saying that’s his trailer and screaming n I heard him slamming doors. He is losing his mind and getting worse he’s 36 years old and his wife is 34 and she has 3 boys but she can’t see them and my son has 3 he can’t see he cusses me like a dog. I’m getting worried about him going to get kicked out not really but still I do he is my son and cops all they do is put someone in jail and fines and stuff that’s not necessary. [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about all these things going on. For your son’s wife, we would encourage you to give her WEAVE’s information and support line number 916-920-2952. When you give her this phone number, you can share that we are available 24/7 and able to provide her with support, safety planning, and resources that may be helpful for her situation. For everything going on with your son, it may be helpful to look into getting a restraining order or look at other ways to set boundaries. For more information on options or additional support, you can also call the support and information line at 916-920-2952.

Just writing here because I’ve been in a terrible situation that I tried to finally get out of and it just escalated. The man who I’ve been dating for three years has been emotional abusive and gaslighting me the entire time. He has extreme anger issues and I’m scared to fall asleep next to him since he often screams in rage. Just recently while on vacation while joking around he started to choke me and only stopped after I pretended to pass out. After this situation I knew it was time to leave so a few days ago I tried to break it off. I am trying to get my new phone line before I attempt to end things again with him but I’m not sure about any of the legal issues that he can potentially charge me with and was wondering if there’s anything I can do. (I would prefer no police as my town is excessively small and he’s friends with all of them) [edited for length]. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing violence in your current relationship. It sounds like he has taken control of your relationship and is manipulating you into staying with him by threatening you. We advise you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You need to work with a Domestic Violence agency near you and go over a case plan and safety planning in order for you to leave him. You may also benefit from speaking to an attorney in order to get legal advice about your options. Although you are afraid of what he can do, you don’t deserve to be treated that way and to stay with him because of fear.
MY GIRLFRIEND LEAVES IN A TANTRUM THEN COMES BACK WITH COPS RIGHT AWAY DO I HAVE TO GIVE HER HER STUFF, OR CAN I MAKE HER WAIT? Thank you for contacting us with your question. We cannot offer legal advice but we do suggest you work with your local law enforcement agency to find out what the best option is for you and your girlfriend regarding her belongings. If you have any other questions or would like support and information, please feel free to call us at 916-920-2952.

I live in an apartment building and suspect a neighbor is being physically abused by her boyfriend. I have reported my concerns both to management and security patrol as soon as I hear what sounds like abuse: yelling, cursing by the boyfriend, the female screaming and crying and items being thrown and smashed against the wall. I don’t know the young lady and I don’t feel comfortable approaching her about it. What else can I do? They have a baby and I can’t bear the thought of him/her losing its mother or growing up and either being abused or being an abuser.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We understand your concerns, based on what you shared it seems like it might be domestic violence or a co-combative relationship, but it’s hard to know. It can be uncomfortable to reach out to her since it’s a very touchy subject, and she might not be ready to open up and/or admit there is domestic violence. While it’s good for you to have reached out to management and the security patrol, that might be all you can do. You may consider contacting law enforcement next time it happens at their non-emergency line 916.264.5471 and reporting your concerns, since there is also a baby in the home. Law enforcement is trained to deal with domestic violence and they have information and resources that they can provide to survivors once they are called to a home. Thank you for being a caring neighbor.

The guy I’m seeing demands total control of me, he always says things like, “no lip, do you want this to end, you’re my little slut” etc. we have just started seeing one another and he already wants me to move in with him, claiming I’m perfect for him and he knows I need him. None of which I have said myself. He also isn’t following the complete consent rules of BDSM. I’ve explained my hard limits and he’s shown little to no care of them. I’m confused because when he’s not in the mood he’s very sweet and I just melt around him but it’s a literal flip of the switch. He says I shouldn’t see my friends unless he deems it necessary. So I guess after all this my question is, how much further could this escalate to a point of no longer being safe? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear your partner isn’t respecting you, or your boundaries. Healthy relationships, especially those in BDSM/kink communities, rely on all participating members to adhere strictly to boundaries and consent. You are the one who defines what is safe for you, and what isn’t. If you feel unsafe, you may want to safety plan around what your next steps should be. Similarly, if you ever feel like you are unsafe, please call 911. Also, you can call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this situation with one of our advocates, to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you.
My ex is in jail for serious domestic violence against myself, some involving the children. The children’s court appointed solicitor is recommending to judge to terminate my ex’s parental rights, given his serve mental illness and suicide attempts. I’m worried for our safety upon his realise, my solicitor said we will talk about that very soon, I’m worried they will suggest that I relocate to a different city town, I love where I leave. Is it possible to make a order that he has to relocate taking into consideration he does not recall have a permanent home anyway. I feel he should be sent to a mental health rehab upon release who should I discuss this with? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you and your children are going through this. We can’t really advise you here without fully knowing your case and 
since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

What’s considered domestic violence. My boyfriend an I got in an agreement because he called me stupid an retarted after I couldn’t remember a password I use a year ago. I told him that was not ok to call me that and he said it again. So then I said your stupid and retarted if I’m at. Basically letting him know that it doesn’t feel good to be called that. He said leave him alone and he don’t want to talks about it. He left room and went in patio and close sliding door. I went to open it and he push me twice while it was half way open and close it when my thighs was still in between. I don’t think he realize my legs was still in between the door. He said leave me alone when he push my twice. This never happen before. I did not put my hands on him. He said if I just left him alone then it would of never happen. He said he had a bad day at wrk and not himself today. I know his human and humans get emotional and make mistakes. He said it will never happen again.

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this right now. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there has been some emotional or verbal abuse occurring. Although it is true that humans make mistakes, if you feel frightened or intimated by your boyfriend it may be helpful to reach out for support.  If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

So, my parents are splitting up after 30 years of marriage. For context, I’m a 22 year old female living at my parents’ house in Houston, Texas, and I’m the eldest of three sisters. My dad has a lot of anger management issues, and on the night of Christmas Eve, he and my mom got into an altercation involving my two younger sisters (I was in bed at the time, I heard everything but did not see it). I guess why I’m writing to you guys is this. Is it okay to feel deeply sorry for my dad, even though he’s the abuser? I know my dad well, and I know he regrets it every minute and that he’s ashamed of his behavior. I love my dad, and I want him in my life, but is this all right to want? What do I do? How should I feel? This is the worst and strangest situation I’ve ever been in, and I don’t know what to do [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear everything you are going through as a family right now, it must be heartbreaking to see your parents separating after 30 years of marriage. Although your dad reacted very badly and in an abusive matter during that situation where your sister and your mom were hurt, it’s okay to feel sad and sorry for him, he is your father after all. Your dad showing regret and being ashamed says a lot and perhaps he could benefit from attending counseling in order to stop his behavior and to understand his feelings and emotions. Also, you, your sisters and mom could benefit from seeking out counseling services as well in order to emotionally heal. Since you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you and your family get the assistance you need.

My girlfriend of eight years and I got into an argument I pulled her phone out of her hand, she had me taking off the premises by the police. Now she wants me to come back and I want to make sure that is legal because they told me don’t go back there until they say it’s OK, is there something she can sign?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We aren’t sure if an emergency protective order was granted when you were taking off the premises. The only and best way to know if you can go back without getting in trouble is for you or your girlfriend to contact the Sacramento Police Department at their non-emergency number 916.264.5471 and inquire about your case. Also, if you and your girlfriend are going to stay together and would like to avoid a similar situation where things can get worse and/or out of control we recommend counseling for you individually or for the both of you as a couple.

My neighbor, a single mom, has a 40 yo son living at home with a drug addiction. She has attempted to seek help for him but the doctors are taking him off all his medication and he is threatening to burn her house down, drag her out while on fire so authorities can identify and bury her. This man is crazy and a danger to our community. The Miranda act only removes him for a short period. What else can be done?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. If you are concerned for her safety, you may want to contact your local law enforcement’s non-emergency number to ask for a welfare check on them. Also, if you get a chance to see her outside her home and it is safe to approach her, you may want to let her know you are concerned and provide her with our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can call us and talk to an advocate to safety plan.

I married a widower. We live in his home. From the outside he looked wonderful. But after we married two years ago, he became abusive and controlling. He controls all of my money and threatens me daily. Where can I get financial help to move? I am desperate. I don’t even have a car.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry you are in an abusive marriage, it can be very scary and overwhelming to leave the abuser. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can go over an action plan and safety planning, as well as help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.

My abuser pressed charges on me for domestic assault. Now I’m on probation. The abuse has continued and he has made threats to call my PO when it was self defense. I’m also scared of retaliation if I file order of protection.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through that with your abuser and we understand it can be very scary to reach out for help and be heard. We can’t really advise you here without fully knowing your case and since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

I believe my son.was hurt and.his.mother and.my family have hidden it from my self and the police?I started having thoights.my son was being hurt, his.mother and her mother his grandmother came to drop him off and he had a cut on his right hand palm his.mother&grandmother were crying shaken in tatters, my son wouldn’t look at anyone or speak he was pale as aghost,my mother&sistersat wile I over herd that ,(*******)had went to my work to “RUIN MY LIFE &do something BAD<-her words,”And some body hurt Him!! after words I immediately had ahead time trying to get my son to talk or play he was scared of everything,I walked back out,and they refused to tell.me because I over react abput.my son being fucking !!molested,I went into a deep depression in relized the had been stalking me at work and with a hypowerd Drone!!! to and from home and broken into my home , i.am.relixe who Nd what has happens my family refuses to help his.mothrr and there family do not care I need answers or guidance on who to call people around.me know but won’t help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. If you believe there’s a history of abuse with the mother and/or grandmother with the child, here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sherriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep your child from the mother and grandmother AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss

June 2013, my son almost died, beaten by his dad (X). I was 5 months pregnant with his 2nd son. My entire world collapsed. As a result of my Xs abuse to my whole family, I lost my driver’s license, my van, my home and my reputation. The court took Xs parental rights and gave him 10 year jail sentence.

During the past five years my son has healed and grown up to be happy and healthy. With minimal lifelong physical damage. I carried the pregnancy and am grateful his brother never had to know the abuse.

I have worked with every agency I could think of. Trying to rebuild my life for me and my kids. 5 years later and I am still struggling every day. Still no driver’s license and we are still homeless. I am working, which barely covers our hotel room. I am desperate for a real home. Is there help available? I hate that his abuse still haunts us. I am working as hard as I can to provide. But it is not enough. We need help. I don’t know who to ask or where to go…. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you and your family have experienced that kind of abuse and we can only imagine how traumatizing this continues to be for you all. You are more than welcome to call our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get information about the resources we have for housing programs. We are here to support you!

My husband is threatening to leave and take our 6 month old baby. He is mentally and verbally abusive to all of us. Can he take our baby?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. What you are going through sounds very scary and we are here to support you. But since your question is legal, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916. 319.4944. If you would like support while you navigate through this please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952. You can over over safety planning and learn about the many services we provide. You are not alone.

It has been about 2 years since I left my abusive ex husband . and when I left I kept everything bottled up inside and never talked about it . I can’t talk to my family about it cause there first question is why,did you stay,for so long that was stupid on my part ! I have have horrible anxiety and nightmares …. I,work at the hospital in my town and they offer councling and I,went twice and did not go back I was so,embarrassed to,talk,about what happen to me ! That was a year ago …. Im,ready to,break my,silence and tell someone what happen to me … And to,help,other women out that is going through the samething how do I,go,about doing that ????.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We can only imagine how it has been for you  to live with everything bottled up for the last two years.  It is completely normal for you to experience anxiety after dealing with Domestic Violence. Many people find that it takes a few times of trying to go to counseling before someone is comfortable and we want you to know you don’t have to feel embarrassed.  In regards to helping others, this is a great first step to doing that! There are many other ways you can help such as volunteering, spreading awareness, and sharing resources with others that you know may benefit.  Processing your experiences may be hard at times so if you ever need someone to talk to or if you need support and Information please call our 24-Hour Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I am stuck in an extremely abusive relationship, mentally, physically and financially. My mother passed away three years ago and my father is an addict. I don’t have anyone else to call for help or to stay with. On top of that I am disabled I can’t work. I have no income. Shelters are honestly scary and makes me even more anxiety ridden. I don’t know what to do anymore . I feel like I’m trapped and I’m gonna be tortured like this till it end in death. Hopeless and alone .

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. We would love to talk to you, please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will be best for you and keep you safe.

I guess I’m not even really sure what to call this…..I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years, he’s always been really caring, with a big heart and has been my shoulder and best friend. We just recently moved in together and some things have started to seem really off. So, here’s the thing that has just started that is really baffling me. He wakes up at least 2 or 3 times during the night, usually around 1 a.m., 3 a.m. and maybe around 4 a.m. and I have to get up for work around 5:30 a.m., and each time he does he wakes me up but not with kisses or trying to snuggle, he jabs at my chest and ribs with his fingers and grabs my hands and says he’s tickling me but it’s painful, it’s always the fingers jabbing at me and sometimes causing bruising. When I tell him it hurts he says I’m not being fun or saying I’m just making excuses for him not to tickle me. I tell him to please stop so that I can sleep but he says he was missing my company and continues. He then crawls to his side of the bed and starts asking me to massage him back to sleep and if I start falling asleep before him (mind you at 3 a.m.) he starts saying things like, “I guess you didn’t mean it when you said you’d always take care of me” This has been going on for the last two weeks (the tickle thing) and I just don’t get all this new erratic behavior. Something just definitely seems off. We’ve been living together for about 3 or 4 months and he’s making more and more comments that seem unkind and tells me I’m really starting to be a complainer if I ask him why he’s being so unkind. I’d love any feedback, because I’m confused and hurt [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, it seems like there is a lot going on right now. Although we typically try to avoid making sweeping statements, based of everything you’ve shared it definitely sound like your boyfriend has been exhibiting unhealthy behaviors. All of these instances where your boyfriend does says or does thing to make you unsure of whether or not you’re behaving appropriately could be seen as emotionally abusive, even if its only happened a handful of times. The jabbing and not being respectful of your time could also be seen abusive behaviors. Due to these potentially abusive conducts, it may be helpful to visit yourcleanslate.org and complete the quiz on healthy versus unhealthy relationships. Being able to self-assess your relationship may be a helpful way to come up with actions to keep you feeling safe and respected in your home. In addition, we encourage you to contact our confidential support line so we can do some safety planning and provide additional information. That number is 916-920-2952. Until then, please be safe and take care of yourself.

Can my ex date his probation officer before and after?? He was on probation?? I was recently in a very bad domestic violence case that has been dropped already, my ex was facing 20 for aggravated assault but by his mother having money during the case..he was able to beat the case. I’m drained drained should I contact her supervisor in have her phone in media data screened??should I file motions with the court of Clayton county Ga, I was abused by both my ex in the system has failed me I have so much pain in anxiety depression… homeless [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through that at the moment. If you fear for your life please reach out to law enforcement and/or dial 911. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We recommend you to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Is it possible to obtain a domestic violence case and go to jail for accidentally scratching someones ear due to their own actions?, lets say you and your significant other are at a family members house and shes feeding your child and the two of you get into a quarrel about litterally the Weather and you grab with not enough to hurt her but slight pressure by the top of the ear (like im sure a lot of peoples parents or grandparents have done at some point due to childish behaviour), you do this not meaning to injure her in anyway shape or form, now keep in mind its been like a month to a month and a half since you clipped your finger nails, and your significant other decides instead of asking you to let go, to jerk her whole head away (almost headbutting your child) and leaving a small scratch on the inside of her ear, a neighbor has called the cops by now due to the volume in which you were arguing about the weather, they show up and they see that she has a scratch on her ear, that looks way worse then it actually is because anything open above the the neck bleeds profusely, and the police book you on domestic violence, you spend the night in jail and get out on o.r. bond and…how likely is it your going back to jail?…Am i doing everything that i should be? Is there anything that could maybe help my situation or any advice? [edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

In Washington State, can someone with 8 DV Felonies and 2 Gross misdemeanors hangout, be friends with and advise an unrelated person who is also a vulnerable adult? I’ve just learned of his record. and I’ve also just learned how good of friends he’s become with someone I care for…a vulnerable adult man of 64 who has some rough health and now has memory lapses, can’t concentrate well anymore so he doesn’t read or use a computer much.. though he does still drive and lives in his own home.. but he’s definitely struggling to maintain his Independence. I see the result of this jerk putting bad ideas in his head and am wondering if anything can be done about this preditorial relationship [edited for length].
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. However, we understand why you are worried about your elderly friend, since he might be being taken advantage of by this individual who might have ulterior motives. We recommend you to reach out to Adult Protect Services in your County and/or reach out to possible family members of your friend in order to keep them informed about this individual and his friendship.

I left my narcissistic abusive ex with our son who was at the time 3. We lived in DV shelters for a year until I got a house. He sued me for joint custody and got it even though he lives with his parents who are as horrible as he is. He makes between $70,000 and 80,000 a year but can’t move out because of his drug problem. I found out he has been on drugs since the day he got joint custody. The drugs are getting worse and the meth is eating his brain. I have become terrified enough of him that I feel like I need to get a will in place and make sure my son, now 8, is taken care of. Am I overthinking this or should I be afraid? My boyfriend and I took a break for two weeks in July and experience narc was positive we would get back together no matter how many times I told him we weren’t. Things have gotten worse from there until tonight I am genuinely afraid. Any suggestions?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources; they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.

What do I do about my sister and her kid and her friends are coming over and breaking everything I have and hurt my dogs and wrote that if I didn’t leave they would kill them. What can I do? the cops won’t do anything????? I have no one, my mom just left and said that she didn’t do it and she don’t want to talk about it and starts yelling at me to go away.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you are going through that with your sister. You don’t deserve to be treated like that in your own home. We recommend you to continue contacting law enforcement and file a police report everytime. You may also want to file for a Civil Harassment Restraining Order, you can find information in the Sacramento County’s website at https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/civil-harassment.aspx. If you would like to talk to an advocate and receive emotional support, please call us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I was recently involved in a domestic altercation with my ex. During this time he pulled a handgun out loaded it and then pointed it at my 1w year old son. On the police report it states that since he’s not my ex’s child they put him down as not a household member and did not press charges. My question is shouldn’t charges be pressed and why did they put him down as not a household member. And shouldn’t child neglect charges be pressed against him

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Question is can I sue the state for not ever contacting me on 2 parole hearings for the guy who shot me in the back of the head on valentines day? They never once did and from what the court had sentenced him he was to serve 12 yrs without the possibility of parole and the 2yrs he had served while waiting 2 be charged and sentenced was not gonna count or go towards the 12yrs without parole. Do i have a good case to sue the state or sue who ever i need to, to get justice. I should have died that night but god carried me save my life. My face is scared where the bullet came out my mouth. I’m missing teeth. I have no left sinus cavity and my neurologist is tell me my memory loss is getting worse as well as my speech. Please help me [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear that you have been going though this can’t imagine how difficult and scary it must be right now. Since this is a legal question we recommend for you and/or your sister to call our legal line at 916.319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. They can provide you information on filing for a restraining order. As for pressing charges, it may be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center to get additional support on what rights you have. They can be reached at 916-875-4673.If you would like more information and/or would like to talk to an advocate please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My boyfriend is verbally and emotionally abusive. He has been physically violent in the past, but its been almost a year since the last time. However, this morning I woke up to him yelling at our 4 year old for wetting the bed. I went to the bathroom to check on her and after getting her clean clothes, she wanted the door closed for privacy. So she was standing behind the door and I was in the hall on the other side of the door. He comes in the hall yelling and slams the door open before I could tell him she was on the other side. Door hit her and busted her mouth, top gims bleeding. Is this abuse since he was angry and yelling at her? Or just an accident? I’m not sure what to do here.

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE.We’re very sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
BREAST CANCER MASTECTOMY MAY 2018
BEEN SEEING SOMEONE FOR FOUR YEARS ALONG THOSE FOUR YEARS EVERY WHERE WE WENT EVERYWHERE ID PAY FOR THE GAS HOTEL ROOMS FOOD LUNCHES DINNERS GASOLINE BOUGHT HIM GROCERIES SHOES UNDERWEAR EVERYTHING. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. ALL ALONG HE HAS TOLD ME HES NOT IN LOVE WITH ME NOR DOES HE WANT ME. HES A PLAYER. HAS MANY WOMEN,
I DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE ANY OF IT.
ONE WEEK OUT OF HOSPITAL HE TOLD ME I MADE HIM SICK. HES SICK OF ME. KEEP IN MIND IM GOING THROUGH THE REMOVAL OF MY BREAST. NOW HE SAYS HE FOUND HIM A WIFE AND SHE PREGNANT AND HES CHANGING HIS WAYS SO HE DONT GO TO HELL [edited for length].
Thank you for reaching out. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity by their partners. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking. If you’d like to discuss your options with someone, our 24-hour Support and Information line has advocates standing by. You can reach us at (916)920-2952. If you aren’t in the Sacramento area, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
 

What if you have a argument with your boyfriend through a text and you tell him your ending the relationship and he gets upset and say bye?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If you would like to talk to advocate you can contact us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

This is kind of embarrassing… I live in Ohio,I’ve been with my ol’ man coming up on 17 years,he has lied,kept everything he could secret,and cheated in some way the entire time.I wouldn’t marry him,we have 2 kids. To keep me here he threatens to get my kids taken away, ruin me with my family (he has taken drug set up pics. If I find them I delete them). We argue, he now gets real loud so kids can hear and will start saying I’m a drug addict,I’m imagining things and need mental help ,I’m unstable.etc. He also says I leave without a dime because I’m stay at home mom, cars,money, house is in his name. Not only am I lost on how to leave and not be in a shelter,but how not to be blackmailed with set up pics,and not even a dime, but how I’m treated worse than scum in a ditch, lied to 24/7, kids brainwashed against me, he tried to convince my whole family I’m nuts, lost friends because of him, can’t go out because of his mental backlash,I’m mortified I’m being spied on!!! [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry about everything you are going through with your husband. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We recommend you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Ok, I have a sister, she called the cops on her boyfriend for hitting her and now he’s in jail for domestic violence and now she wants to go and visit him in jail. Can my sister get in trouble for visit or not?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry your sister went through that with her boyfriend, breaking the cycle can be difficult and we are glad she has you for support. Since this is a legal question we recommend for you and/or your sister to call our legal line at 916.319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. It may also benefit your sister from seeking out counseling services, here at WEAVE we provide free counseling to survivors of domestic violence. If you would like more information and/or would like to talk to an advocate please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I am married to a man who is a good human being . But recently he is been having problems with achohol . He has suffered some issues already but not able to quit . He acts weird and talks badly when under alcohol effect. But never admits drinking . He says , he was angry in that situation or blame me of my parents for some silly issues . We have. Four years old lovely daughter . He was the best dad for my kid’s first 2 to 3 years . Now acts strange . Can not explain his behavior. What should be the ideal steps I should be taking in this case . I recently stared working full time. And would like to continue .

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your husband. That sounds really hard to be going through. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you to make the best choice that works for you and your daughter. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best for you and your daughter. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916) 920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.

There is a lady that has threaten my unborn child and me and I need to know what I can do to make sure we r safe even after child is born

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you have experienced this; we can only imagine how scary this must have been for you. If this person was an intimate partner you can apply for a domestic violence restraining order, if not you can apply for a civil harassment restraining order. You can gather the information by looking up or calling your superior court in the city you reside. If you have any additional questions or would like support please reach out to our 24/7 information and support line at 916.920.2952.

So in my house my mom and my uncles girlfriend got in a big dispute nothing physical,I went home because my mom sounded very agitated when I got home everything was fine so I left to spend time with friends and when I got home at midnight I found my uncles couches all ripped up and torn and I found knife in the table and a couoke in the counter and the couches were destroyed, and now I’m kinda worried that if that lady was capable of such thing what can else can she do? can my mom take that as a threat and if so what should I do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what happened between your mom and your uncle’s girlfriend, what she did to the couches sound very scary. If your mom fears for her safety she should reach out to law enforcement and/or filed a police report. If she would like more protection for herself and for you she could get information about a civil harassment restraining order. You could access this information from the Sacramento County’s website at

https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/civil-harassment.aspx. If you need more information in order to support your mom and/or your mom would like to talk to an advocate please call our 24-hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.

My 20 year old daughter said I pulled her hair can I be put in jail for that? The cops read my rights and told me I can get a lawyer and gave me court day! Can I go to jail for that even if is a lie?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experience or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Asking for a friend. She broke up with her common law husband. After 1 month he thinks she’s seeing someone so he calls 911 said she pulled a knife on him & took his bike

She took her bike home. Now she’s going to jail but he wasn’t marked no bruised no witnesses just his lie

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? He said to me & others he lied. What can she do? She’s unemployed & broke right now

Can a police officer rescind the warrant because he lied A he wasn’t touched B

NO PROOF OR WITNESSES SHES SCARED TO DEATH!

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that your friend is experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can help provide her with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please have her leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave her name, a safe-identified phone number to return her call at, and her legal question. Legal advocates will return her call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about this experience further or get connected to more resources, you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Is there any place someone in a domestic violence shelter can get help with a car payment the abuser said she paid and didn’t ??

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want to commend you on not only reaching out today for support, but for leaving your unsafe situation. That takes tremendous courage and is a feat that should not be taken lightly. Unfortunately we do not have any services or resources regarding supporting car payments, but if you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 we can you to other agencies or programs in the area, provide you with emotional support, and connection to services. 
My sister’s father (mom’s boyfriend) is emotionally damaging my mother and just a jerk all around. I’m scared that the more my mother asks of him, he could snap and start hitting her. I want to put a protective/restraining order against him, just to get him away from my mother, sister and I, but the problem is because of my mom’s financial problems, only his name is on the lease of our house. Is it possible that if I get a restraining order on him, could he evict my sister, my mom and I? I’m just so worried and I want to get him away from us. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry about everything your mom’s boyfriend is putting you and your family through. Based on what you said you might benefit from speaking to our legal department. If you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

I’m in a marriage and its unhealthy I know my flaws and someone erased what I had wrote so here I go again hi… I’m in a marriage where my husband says hell get a job when I leave or hell clean when I move out or if you said it I’ll be it over anything negative I say but if I said you’ll love me etc. he’ll say no no to anything positive he’s even allowed his @the time 17and 1\2 year old daughter involved herself In an argument we had by attacking me and I defended myself just to have he call the cops and she lied to them saying I attacked her hurt her arm etc. I got told i couldn’t come to my home my own home but I did because my husband said to and it was the worst mistake because I had one drink with him and he started an argument and then call the police and so I then got a felony but he know how to test me he doesn’t care about what makes me happy sad nothing he’s like dogging me out plain and simple right in my face he complains about my cat and this for therapy me I react or and repeat the names or things ive been called… this marriage to find out why he’s so fake and hateful and so intent on my reaction on things I know that’s playing with fire I just wish I knew the purpose of things I literally don’t desire drama but it seems to have followed me everywhere since this marriage its like I gotta put on my big girl pants with the acceptance that he is happy the way he is I’m not I just wish I was in a pain management for the physical pain I’d feel good I really want to be sober …I got no where to go but I’d rather not move to fast because I believe I may make the wrong one and I can’t afford to be homeless [Edited for length and content]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; it isn’t easy to navigate all those pieces. On top of the violence, having to navigate housing can be a complicating situation. Here at WEAVE we have a lot of different resources and services available for those who are experiencing domestic violence, whether it be emotional, physical, or spiritual trauma. This includes individual and group counseling services as well as safety planning. It may also be helpful to contact Legal Services of Northern California at 916-551-2150 to get some support for housing. In order to get more information on these services, please call our 24/7 crisis line at 916-920-2952.

How much longer must I be beaten, hit in face with pipes, harassed (sexually as well)? Thank you for reaching out. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity by their partners. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking. If you’d like to discuss your options with someone, our 24-hour Support and Information line has advocates standing by. You can reach us at (916)920-2952. If you aren’t in the Sacramento area, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Can someone be arrested for physical abuse that has happened within months prior to the report being filed? (Example: let’s say an altercation took place within a relationship & months after the relationship ended, one of the individuals gets mad about it ending and threatens to show the police a photo of a bruise on her arm, and cries domestic violence)… can the other person be arrested? And if so, what if that person that is being arrested, now lives in another state?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only and since your question is legal we recommend you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

I have a bit of a different question. My husband has not hit me but in recent arguments he has gotten so angry that his statements and body language tell me I am at risk of him hitting me. He moves abruptly towards me and says things like “don’t play with me” if I don’t give the response he thinks I should. [*] My question is: we are black and where we are from cops typically aren’t our friends and calling them is frowned upon. Is it wrong for me to call if he were to hit me? Thank you *Edited for length

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear about what you’re going through with your husband. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional, financial, or spiritual, as well. As to your question about calling the police, that has to be a decision you make. You have to do whatever you feel comfortable with, to keep yourself safe. If you would like to talk with an advocate about safety planning, or other options available to you, please call our 24-hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.

 

My grandson and his wife live with me, they have no other place to go. His wife ruins my clothes with paint when I go out. Today I went for a walk when I got back over 100.00 worth of new makeup ruined. Splattered all over my dresser, contaminated. My grandson didn’t believe me, he can’t deal with stress . I don’t know why she does this. I’m afraid she might try to poison me. Help.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about the treatment you are receiving from your grandson and his wife. Unfortunately we can’t tell you what to do, only you know what’s best for you. We can go over a few options, you can report it to law enforcement and ask them leave or you can let them stay and address this issue directly and soon. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are safe and if you fear for your life please contact law enforcement. If you would like to talk to an advocate and get support please call our our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

If my spouse told the police that I didn’t touch her and I have a warrant in Kansas over a month later, can they legally issue the warrant?

Thank you for reaching out. However, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

My aunt was assaulted and the result of her injuries she died. The police dept. refused to get a statement from her only daughter and after her death they did a report. Can the police dept. get into trouble? The police dept. did not setup a crime scene and no DNA was collected.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry for your loss and can only imagine how stressful this situation has been for your family. Although we do not have an exact answer for your question, we want you to know you are able to file a complaint by calling the non-emergency number for the police department involved in this situation. This is an awful situation, and we hope that you and your family are able to get the support you need. For additional information, please contact us on our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I live in Pinellas County Florida my fiance owns a mobile home and I have been living there for almost a year with him he invited to people to move in and they have paid no rent or anything but they have stolen and robbed me verbally abused me threatened me pushed me threatened to rape me and I have a post that the wife put on line saying she was going to beat me with a baseball bat my fiance and I were forced to leave the residence because of the violence and now the police say we have to evict them and in the meantime pay the rent and the electric and the gas is there anyway I can get a restraining order on them and have them removed from our home please help I’m scared for my life [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you and your fiance are experiencing violence from these people. However, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. If you fear for your safety please contact law enforcement and/or dial 911.

I might be in a abusive relationship and I need to keep the abuse phone number somewhere so he can’t find it. I don’t know where to keep it. Can anyone give me some Ideas?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing violence in your relationship. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If your question is in regards to safety planning and keeping yourself safe please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 in order to speak to an advocate and receive support and information.

If I can’t go home because of a restraining order do to a domestic violence. Now I’m homeless, no family or friends in the state we live in. So I move another state. Is that ok and if I have to do domestic violence classes, can I do the classes in the state that I moved to?

Thank you for reaching out. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.

I live on a rental property where my spouse attacked my son (a minor) with a butcher knife. He was arrested. He had been physical in past but I never reported it. Now the 2-rental women in the office are trying to evict me & use intimidation to make me move. I lived @ this property for 8yrs. without any problems. These 2-women have not been with the property very long. I am very stressed out where I live & they’re adding to traumatizing incident of my son & I. Can I take legal action regarding this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are currently going through this.  We can only imagine how stressful this whole situation must be for you and your son. In reading your message, it seems like you may benefit from some legal advocacy.  The Legal Services of Northern California is an organization that can assist with housing specific legal help and can be reached at 916-551-2150. In addition, you can contact WEAVE’s legal line at 916-319-4944 for additional support. When you call you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a legal team member should return your call within 3-4 business days. In addition, if you have any more questions or need additional support, please contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

I was taking a shower and my enraged husband steps in fully clothed and corners me in the shower ? Is that assault, domestic violence ? His burst of angers are escalating from first grabbing my arm and putting pressure , to walk in the closet and try to knock me off the stool while standing and Sunday Morning while taking a shower he steps in and cornered me while threaten me . Is that assault, battery or domestic violence !

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how scary this must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. WEAVE has a variety of resources including counseling and a 24/7 support and information line. We are here to support you, please reach out to one of our Peer Support Advocates at 916.920.2952.

My ex is a financial investigator. His brother and friends are police and military. How do I prove that he is using his police and military power to target me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand how stressful it might be to be targeted by your ex, especially if they have military and police force connections. We recommend that you continue to document these instances of being targeted and should you feel your safety is at risk, call your local law enforcement. For additional support and information please feel free to call our 24-Hour Support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

My live in girlfriend did not call the law on me for CDV3 charge. The neighbor did. I have never been arrested before. She did not want me arrested but the state had to. She is in dire medical condition and has no friends to help her and she can hardly walk. And my car was our transportation.so she has no transportation. She sincerely wants the no
contact agreement dissolved. I have applied for counseling and she has no way to get to my trial. I live in Richland county. SC. Also we have to move from our rental room and she cannot move because of her ongoing medical condition.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry to hear that your girlfriend is very sick and does not have any support after you were arrested. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Has anyone had trouble with their jaws and teeth after the abuse my jaw is getting so bad and my back teeth are deteriorating from the breakage he caused

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. There are some people who sustain injuries, some more serious than others. It may be beneficial for you to seek medical attention for the injuries you sustained from your abuse. You may contact your doctor or local emergency department. If you have more questions and you need support please contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

Is there a free texting counseling I can reach out to?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. There is a free service called Crisis Text Line, although they might not be licenced clinicians they are trained crisis counselors. Text HOME to 741741. If you would like more information please visit their website at https://www.crisistextline.org/. If you would like information or support please call us at our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My husband kicked me out on false lies on order of protection now I can’t pay my credit cards.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you are currently going through that with your husband. We aren’t sure of what legal services you are looking for and/or he filed a restraining order against you. We aren’t also sure if you are in a co-combative relationship, but since this is a legal question we recommend you to contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you have more questions and you need support please contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

We have a friend in another state who has been in an abusive relationship for some time. He is constantly telling us how she beats him up and has even threatened him at gunpoint. He has begged us not to call the police or tell other family members because he says he’s afraid she might kill herself (we are afraid she might kill him). What should we do and if we don’t tell someone and something happens would we be considered complicit? We don’t want to betray his trust, but don’t want to see him injured or killed.

Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. We understand why you are concerned, domestic violence can be very dangerous and should be taken seriously. Based on what you shared it seems she can be a danger to herself and others, and that is scary and should be taken seriously.  We are sorry to hear that he isn’t ready yet to reach out for help or support in order to leave his abusive relationship. We recommend providing your friend with resources in his area and/or county, he could speak to a trained advocate to get support and go over safety planning, he can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). When he is ready to speak he could also call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at (916) 920-2952.

I am a battered and abused wife, my husband kicked me out on false order of protections. I need a pro bono attorney.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you are currently going through that with your husband. We aren’t sure of what legal services you are looking for and/or he filed a restraining order against you. We aren’t also sure if you are in a co-combative relationship, but since this is a legal question we recommend you to contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you have more questions and you need support please contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

I am on parole and I live with an abusive woman. How can I get help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Although we aren’t sure of the terms of your parole you don’t deserve to be with someone who is abusive, we recommend you speak with your parole officer about leaving and/or moving to another place, safe from the abuse. If you would like to talk to an advocate and get support please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

Me and my boyfriend got in a huge fight. He started by calling me names and I blew it off at first. It got worse and I started hitting him. He grabbed me twice and threw me up against his truck door and one time had me by the neck. He slapped me in the face after I slapped him. He didn’t hit me hard enough to hurt me but it still stung. He kept repeating that I needed to leave because he did not want to hurt me because he has anger issues. Will this occur again or can he fix it? He’s never done this before.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your recent fight with your boyfriend. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your boyfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

Relathionship advice: En Español

Gracias por contactar a WEAVE. Desafortunadamente no estamos seguros que tipo de consejo o ayuda está preguntando, por favor someta otra pregunta con más información o por favor llame a nuestra línea de apoyo e información al (916) 920-2952. Tenemos personas de apoyo que hablan Español.

I have reported domestic violence against me …emotional.. Verbal..bulleying.taking my vehicle…leaving me with no way to get groceries….i used ti have a protective order three years ago and one years before that…the police refuse to help me do anything but give me a card for the domestic abuse and ive already called the domestic abuse hotline and there is nothing they can help me with…what do i do????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry you have been experiencing this. Based on what you said you might benefit from speaking to our legal department. If you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

If a 60 something year old woman threatens to kill a 21 year old over and over can she get put in prison or something?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. If you are experiencing harassment and/or threats from someone, you could file for a civil harassment restraining order. If you are in Sacramento County you could find more information in the Superior Court of California-County of Sacramento website at https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/civil-harassment.aspx.

If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

I called 911 on my husband. By the time they were home he left the house so they didn’t take any action on him that’s what they said. He took all the money and asking me to leave the house. I am an immigrant and my husband is on H1b visa working for state department as a contractor. He blocked my friends number on my phone. He holds my h4 documents and mailbox key. It’s been 3 months since I called 911 and he is not coming home and not answering my calls after that. Instead he is asking me to leave to India.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry about everything your husband is putting you through and we understand is very stressful. Based on what you said you might benefit from speaking to our legal department. If you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

I am in a separation situation where I live in one state and my husband lives in another. I cannot afford a divorce attorney because my husband controls all finances still and gives me a meager weekly allowance. He is living with another woman who wants him to stop all support– he has taken my car away and I have no way to get anywhere unless I can beg a ride from a friend. I just recently finished grad school and am trying to start a business on my own with little or no money. I called my husband three times at work to ask for my car back and he threatens to get a restraint order on me if i ever call again. I do not know what to door where I might find help. I feel like I am losing my mind. He has also forged my signature on various legal documents including bank loan applications. He has maxed out credit cards in my names among many other things.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are really sorry to hear about the abuse you continue to endure with your husband. Unfortunately, without knowing which state you are in at the moment it might be difficult to provide you with resources or information. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. You might also want to contact local Domestic Violence agencies in your area that might be able to provide legal services. If you would like some support it might be beneficial to speak to an advocate, please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I recently left an abusive relationship. He’s threatened to get my kids taken, to throw me in jail. Recently I thought he got the picture and would leave me alone. Know he’s texting me saying he loves and misses me. Its like he can’t let go. He makes me feel bad but I feel I shouldn’t respond. Should I not say a word back to him? I worry if I anger him I’m not sure what he would do but it never ends well.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! We’re sorry to hear you’re going through this. Only you know what is best for you and your children, but if your instincts are telling you not to respond, I would listen to them. Guilt can often be a tactic abusers use to lure their victims back in to situations where they can regain control over them. WEAVE has a 24 hour Support and Information line with advocates standing by to offer emotional support, resources, and ideas around creating a safety plan for you and your children. That number is 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free counseling sessions if you feel that you would like to sit down and talk through this with a counselor. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

I live in Washington.my dad uncle and i are homeless we live in a hotel my dad’s girlfriend and her mother also live with us in the room and she has sever anxiety paranoia and is bipolar our only income is her ssi grammas ssi and my uncles disability but we cannot always cash his check so yesterday she threatened to get us kicked out and live homeless in the van again because she thinks i am prank–ing her and messing with her stuff and i swear to god that i would never do that in this situation i am fifteen attending school and i know i will die if we dont get help or if were kicked out during this winter Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this, and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting this situation is for you and your family. We want you to know that you are not alone, and that there are many families who are in similar situations like yours. Depending on what area you are in, there may be some resources that could be helpful for you to find some shelter and safety. There is a hotline you can call, it is for Washington, where you can get connected to resources and supportive services in your area, that number is 866.833.6546. Please call as soon as possible. In regards to the cutting, we can understand why that would be an outlet for you, and we are not here to judge you or tell you what to do, but we do want you to be safe and healthy. Self-harm is a very common coping skill, but we would like to suggest that perhaps instead of immediately cutting when you feel stressed and overwhelmed, think of maybe three-five things that you can do before you cut. Like a list. Think of what activities you enjoy doing, that bring you joy, such as writing, reading, drawing, listening to music. Then think of a friend that you can talk to about your feelings, what has triggered you to want to cut, talk to them about it. Then, last step would be to call a hotline and talk to someone about your feelings. These steps can help you to feel supported and help you develop other coping skills. There are also resources at your school, such as a school counselor, that could also be helpful to you. Please reach out for support, this is too much for you to carry alone.

Husband and his mistress stole a child and I belongs for drugs. He admitted it all in the text. I caved saved. He then beat me in front of the child as well as tried to rape me. I left. Made mistake after his rehab to go back. He ripped me out of daughter bed. Charged with battery and child endangerment. He wants to get back with me.. I am not going back mistress and he had twins. How do I charge her as well as him? I have proof of stalking as well.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry that you have had to deal with so much and we commend you for reaching out. If you are in the Sacramento please call our legal line at 916-319-4944 for family law matters. To get assistance with your other legal questions please contact your local Family Courthouse. For Sacramento you can contact William Ridgeway Family Courthouse 3341 Power Inn Rd Sacramento CA.  Also, feel free to contact our 24 hour Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My husband put lying orders of protection on my son and I. Can I have him prosecuted if it is dropped?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you and your son are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My husband is physically abusive. I am afraid. He has a firearm (legally), and that scares me. Will I be in legal trouble if I put the gun in my safe deposit box without his knowledge? Florida.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this. Have you thought of leaving? Or getting some support?  Weave has a range of services that may be able to provide support for you. Physical abuse can be very scary and dangerous, if you feel like your unsafe you can always contact Law Enforcement/ call 911. Regarding your question you can contact Law Enforcement non emergence. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number. If you need any additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are always here for you.  Since you are located in Florida I would contact Florida Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-500-1119. I also included the website for the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

https://www.fcadv.org/


If a 20 year old threat to hit u and keep hitting u Whut do u do
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence.The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.


 

My ex husband smashed
my 14 year olds cell phone because he called me looking for his soccer gear.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. That sounds like it may have been a scary and frustrating experience. You can reach out to our 24/7 support and information line if you have any questions or need any support at 916.920.2952. It is difficult to answer this without more information. Pleas resubmit you question.

My husband threatened to sell my car if I file for divorce. He wouldn’t let me work for 8 years so I don’t have any money. He keeps me on a very short leash. He’s extremely abusive. But he makes hood money but he said that he’d rather kill himself than to help me and his daughter. Can anyone help me.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with you question. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Weave has a range of services that may be able to provide support for you. Weave offers a variety of workshops such as; child custody, financial, and divorce. Weave also has a legal department if you have any specific legal questions or need legal assistance. You can contact them at 916.319.4944. It will be an automatic voicemail, make sure to leave a safe phone number that allows them to reach out to you. If you would like to speak with an advocate you can contact our 24/7 support and information line at 916.920.2952.

I’ve been married to my husband for 12 years. It has been rocky almost from the beginning. He has a terrible temper and swears and tells very loudly when angry. He has no qualms about using cuss words and getting in my kids’ faces when mad at them. Typically he doesn’t yell at me unless we are having a very heated argument. During these arguments he will tell me to f*** off, has called me a bitch and a c**t. A handful of times he’s thrown things and put a hole in the wall. He controls the money, I have no idea how much he makes or has. Anyway, the juxt of my thoughts/questions. Can a person really change and improve their behavior for almost a year and then become abusive again? Should I be concerned that even though he has controlled his temper for almost a year that he will still lose it at anytime? Is forcing hugs/kisses on me abuse or am I being too sensitive. Is it really that unusual for a guy to swear at his kids when they don’t listen? (edited for length).

First and foremost, thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE.We’re very sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. You ask many very important questions.Yes, people can change for a year, then revert to their old ways. As for the rest of your questions, those are things you have to answer for yourself. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and shouldn’t have to constantly worry about your partner reverting back to his old ways. We have advocates standing by 24 hours a day, if you’d like emotional support, or even just someone to talk through all your options with you. That number is: 916-920-2952. Similarly, we offer up to 8 free counseling sessions,  if that’s something you’d be interested in. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

Hi, my boyfriend and I have two kids together and I also have a child whom I have 50/50 custody with from my prior ex-husband. My boyfriend has anger/temper problems and we have a history of arguments. A couple of times it has gotten physical where he touched me (pushing/holding) but nothing severe and not in front of the kids. The other day it occurred again and I was upset so I called my dad and he called the police. My BF had left the house and the police interviewed me at length about the incident and prior incidents…then at the very end of their interview they told me that by law they will be sending a copy of this report to CPS and forced me to give the full names and birthdates of all of my children, they confirmed the children were in no danger (my BF has never struck any of the children) but said they have to report any domestic violence occurrence to CPS… how long does CPS usually take to make contact after a reported DV case? It has been 5 days since the occurrence and they still haven’t contacted me…and the anticipation is killing me. I live in Yolo county. Thank you for your time (edited for length).

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE! We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. We’re glad to hear you are working on things, and that your boyfriend has taken responsibility for his actions, and you’re both working towards a solution! When dealing with CPS, it may be in your best interest to reach out to them yourself. Their number is: (916) 875-0189 Also, you mentioned you were in Yolo county, there is an organization named Empower Yolo who may be able to assist you. Some of the services they offer include: Safehouse, counseling, case management, legal advocacy and accompaniment, 24 hour SART response, support groups, DVRT, Latina outreach, teen education programs, and a court ordered batterers program. Their crisis lines are (530) 662-1133 or (916) 371-1907. Similarly, if you would like to talk to one of our advocates, feel free to call our 24hr support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

 

I am trying to evict my ex and we both have lawyers. I overheard him on the phone saying he was going to break things in my house to hurt me financially, but also that he hopes I die when I have surgery. My friend thinks I should report it to the police? Is this something that should be reported? I am torn if this is any kind of threat to me and if I should be afraid he would harm me. after that he followed me around the house acting like he was doing stuff and listening to my call. I don’t know who else to ask and understand my situation is not as serious as others if you can’t give me advice I understand. Thank you for your time.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your husband’s intentions. He may be talking out of anger and although he is not threatening to physically hurt you, he is threatening to break your property to hurt you financially and that is still something serious. You may want to file for a restraining order, but since this is a legal question, you may want to contact your attorney and get legal advice directly from him. If you need support and would like to talk to advocate, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.

My dad threatens to kill me a lot and he has one tried to suffocate me with a pillow.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your father’s abuse. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this message or submit a new one. We recommend calling 911 if your father tries to suffocate or hurt you again, you may also want to contact law enforcement and file a police report. If you would like to talk to an advocate please call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at (916) 920-2952.

My adult son is in an abusive relationship. They have split up many times but he always goes running back to her. He has even shown me video that he took of her with her knowledge where she slapped him across the face numerous times. He tells me all the time how much he hates her and wants her out of his life then he gets rid of her for a month and then next thing you know he’s back with her. Is there anyway that I can make him see what he’s doing to himself? If you tell him he’s in an abusive relationship, he will deny it to the high heavens and sometimes even accuse you of being the abuser because you’re not seeing things his way and putting her up on a pedestal. I might add she has been charged with domestic violence before by a former boyfriend. I worry for my sons safety [edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear about your son being in an abusive relationship, based on what you shared it seems that your son and his girlfriend might be in a co-combative relationship, which can escalate and can get one or both of them into legal problems with the law. We will be happy to talk to him, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that he will need to call us for us to talk to him directly. If he is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

 

My grandsons dad’s girlfriend assaulted me. she bit me and choked me. this was done in front of the child, she had him pinned down in his car seat with her body as she bit and choked me. she has never been arressted nor charged for this, am i a victim of domestic violence and also my grandson

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Have you thought of getting Restraining Order on her? Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone.   You can also contact CPS if you feel the child is in danger.  If you would like to talk to an advocate to get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I am with an emotional abuser, but last night she actually struck the back of my head at the checkout line in a grocery store. She did it when I told her I forgot a coupon at home. It was out of nowhere. I was so embarrassed because others saw this. I was also emotionally hurt that she would do such a thing. Of course it was “my fault” according to her for forgetting the coupon and I embarrassed “her” by my reaction. She has not and I’m sure will not say she’s sorry. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect by their partner. If you would like some emotional support or additional resources, please give our Support and Information line a call at 916-920-2952. Similarly, we offer up to 8 free counseling sessions, if that is something you think you would be interested in. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

Over 10 years ago I had an eviction, at that time I was a housewife, as well I cared for our two daughters and him. I also was in a marriage to a man who would physically and mentally abuse me. He’d abuse me where I was in a hospital or even ran over by his car and it goes on and on. It’s been over 5 years now that I somehow regain some kind of strength and left the abusive marriage. I’m independent now, I’m a hard working woman, and I’ve been working for IHSS for about 5 years. However, I applied for a low income apartment in San Jose, my name came up and I am interested so I did follow through with the apartment, they denied me due to the eviction. What can I do? Is there anyway where I can appeal this case? I live in the County of Santa Clara.
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that even though you left the abusive marriage 5 years ago you are being triggered by it because of the eviction. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) for information and/or resources in your area. You may also want to reach out to Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence’s 24-Hour Hotline number at (408) 279-2962 since they are located in Santa Clara County.

Question is can I file a civil restraining order for my seven and a half year old son on his behalf against his dad tomorrow in the county I live in the are dropping a child endangerment and battery case in which my son was a witness to the violence I cannot file for a t r o I already tried and they took him off of it because a family law case of hours is it down in another County they are feeling to protect my son what do I do.

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry to hear that all this is going on. Have you had a chance to talk to your son about what he witnessed? Unfortunately I cannot give legal advice but WEAVE does have a legal department you can call our legal line, if you call you will leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Scenario: If someone held you against your will, taking away your rights ,stalking you 24-24, trying to force you leave home and your job, without police lawyer or judge or your family knowing and it is not your family or friends, it’s “Revenge” by outside person…… you figured it is a implant communication’s device put in you without your permission and “You the victim” figured this out and because the unknown someone is frightening you because of the unknown persons threats to your life ” and of the unauthorized use of real spy technologist device or implantable on you”…who would you call that would listen and not send you to a nut house? Central Wisconsin area! Want to know for a friend who had this happen and now people are afraid it can happen to others here!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for information and/or resources in your area. Your friend may also want to contact law enforcement and file a police report.

What steps can I take to stop my ex from threatening to expose our sex tape? Thank you for reaching out to us. We’re sorry you are being put through this situation. One thing you can do is get a restraining order, which can be tailored to include digital contact, such as the release of personal information on social media sites.  Also, we offer up to 8 free sessions of counseling if you’d like to talk to someone about how this is affecting you. Walk-in triage hours are at our office located at 1900 K St. on Tuesday and Thursday: 12:00pm-2:00pm or Wednesday: 5pm-7pm. Similarly, we have a 24/7 support and information line, which can be reached at 916-920-2952, where advocates are waiting to offer you emotional support and resources that can help.

IF I NEED TO GET INTO A SAFE HOUSE CAN WEAVE PICK ME UP IM HAVING RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS WITH PAST DV AND I THOUGHT AFTER HE CAME HOME IT WOULD BE BETTER ONLY WORSE IS IT GETTING IM NOW GETTING AFRAID TO EVEN BE IN SAME HOUSEHOLD. HE CONTINUOUSLY TO PUBLIC PLACES STANDS OVER ME CONTINUALLY AND ALSO IS VERY VIOLENT HE SAYS HE BITTER AND MAD IS THERE ANYWAY TO GET AWAY AND NOT CALL COPS?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment. In order to fully assess your situation you need to contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. An advocate can speak with you and go over safety planning and information to our safe house and/or other resources.

Thank you for reply “What you are experiencing sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body, no one has the right to force you to marry anyone, even if you were and/or are in a current relationship with him. Have you thought about contacting law enforcement and reporting the harassment and blackmailing from him and his sister-in-law (cousin)?”. I haven’t filed any complaint against them. Also, I wanted to know being relationship, in initial phase everything was good and we promised each other that we will be together and can go ahead with marriage but everything started to fall apart. Does it mean that I have to forcefully marry him for the promise?

Thank you for reaching out. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line in order to speak to advocate and get the support you need. Our number is (916) 920-2952. If it’s better for you to communicate through writing please text HOME to 741741, it’s a 24/7 Crisis Text Line where they have trained crisis counselors ready to text with you.

My bf and I bought our home together 10 years ago. We were fine then, but now the mental abuse is got me to almost breaking point. We also have an 8 year old son. I want to leave him but know I can’t afford rent +bills as rent in my area is 400+ more then the house payment is. Is there anyway for me to keep the home and get him out?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you are going through this and must be a very difficult time for you. The question you asked is very valid; I would say you can contact the legal department to see if there is anything you can do legally. When you call you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also have you thought of getting some support for yourself? If you need any support you can call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. Also WEAVE does have counseling services.

Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

 

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

 

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

 

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My stepfather abused my mother and my brother and I for years. My mother molested my brother most of his life. In 1990, my brother started beating me on a regular basis. 2006 and stayed away from my brother until 2017, after he was able to find me and I was so foolish that I moved in with him and his wife after they requested me to. But after about a month, they “changed”, and my brother started assaulting me again, then on February 14th, when I had became homeless. I was desperate, so I called my brother to pick me up. He did but when he started verbally abusing me, I demanded to be let out of the car. He refused and was able to keep the back doors locked. He back handed me in the car from the driver’s seat over and over, I was messed up and I knew I had a head injury. Is the violence from my brother considered domestic violence? Do you know anyone who can help me? I’ve been told that it is not domestic violence and I’m really scared and I don’t know who to speak to about this. I now rent a room and am recovering and seeking trauma counseling. I feel very responsible for what happened to me. I have so many questions and still so much fear. Please let me know if you can help me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

Hi, I have been in a emotional abusive relationship who has been married and have wife and daughter. It was an extramarital affair for him. I have been abused verbally where he has not left any evidence to show up and use to beat when asked about his messages and so. It’s been 5-6 months that I have been trying to end the relationship because I was feeling that I’m being used and with domestic violence and sexual assault (forcing for getting intimate) or having physical relation even when I’m not interested in it but he now says that he cares and love me but it wasn’t when I was with him. We were into physical relationship where he has clicked private photos assuring that he will not be using them in future but now he has trapped including a third person who tells that she is his sister-in-law (cousin) where she has printed out all are photos and she showed that to my mother and now she has been asking to meet my father. They are exposing my nude photos showing I’m the reason to make him fall for him. And he is forcing me to get married because his wife knows about the his extramarital affair but not expressly but his family members knows about it. Also he is a lawyer by profession in India and I’m so very afraid about it. He has trapped me and forcing me to get married. I was in relation with him and now I don’t feel safe with him and have no meaning to live for. I don’t understand what to do and my parents are being insulted over this by showing them all pictures [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with this man. What you are experiencing sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body, no one has the right to force you to marry anyone, even if you were and/or are in a current relationship with him. Have you thought about contacting law enforcement and reporting the harassment and blackmailing from him and his sister-in-law (cousin)? Also, you may benefit from speaking to a counselor and getting support, WEAVE provides free counseling to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, as well as case management and other services. Please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952 if you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this. If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I am a struggling survivor of domestic violence for 23 yrs resulting in me being shot in the head at point blank range and left for dead. Prior to this he burned my belongings, left a note and hunted me down where my adult son left me at his girlfriend’s for my safety.  He was on run for 7 days before turning himself in, given 17 yrs without possibility of early parole, so how did I get lost between cracks? Moved to TX after recuperating divorce granted by judge, 1/2 of his social security and pension and becoming spokesperson for Women supporting women in 2007 when I became an advocate myself. Now after working past 10 yrs only 56 yrs old I’m penniless, off work almost 1 full yr, can’t collect his social security cause not married 10 yrs, judge signature worthless with federal gov. He’s out early cause CA NO LONGER CONSIDERS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE A VIOLENT CRIME. He has been granted early parole because he earned a degree and was ideal inmate! He received Free medical, dental, vision, cable TV, ECT, 3 hots and a cot. I had to move in with boyfriend because couldn’t pay rent anymore, what to do? broke, sick and unable to work and he still wins, Why? [edited for length]. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about everything you went through with your ex. We understand how frustrated you must feel about him still having this much power over your life, even after all of these years. You have shown so much strength over the years and its important to remember that, especially during the difficult times. WEAVE has a legal department that is for Sacramento residents only; however if you need legal assistance in another county The National Domestic Violence hotline may be able to guide you in the right direction. You can reach them at 1.800.799.7233. There is also an option for you to get a Restraining Order if you are fearful of his release. Please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information line for additional support or services needed.

my boyfriend hit me on the face,before he was chocking me,and i thought it was last time but it happened again but i never called police because he owe me money plus we rented apt on both names and i want to leave but afraid he wont pay the rent and then i ll have collection in my good credit score,i dont know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry you experienced this within your relationship. I can only imagine how scary this must have been for you. Have you thought about getting some support to help you safety plan on how to get out? WEAVE has a 24/7 support line if you ever need some support (916) 920-2952 or information. You may also consider filing another Temporary Restraining Order against him at the Family Court House. They hold workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road. Reading your message it seems like you are concerned about the lease and your credit, I have attached a link that may possibly help you, also we have our legal line you can call to get more clarification – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is (916) 319-4944. If you ever feel like your life in danger you can always reach out to Law Enforcement also.

https://hasco.org/current-tenants/violence-against-women-act-vawa/.

I am the victim of DV. The man involved is being charged with DV HIGH AND AGGRAVATED NATURE. I am known pregnant. It happened in front of our children, he prevented me from calling the police, I was choked and repeatedly hit in the face and head and knocked unconscious twice during the altercation. When I was blocked, I grabbed a baseball bat and hit him. He turned when I swung and it hit him the back. I wanted to stun him long enough so I could run out of the house to get help before he hurt me beyond repair or worse, killed me. I am beyond terrified that something will be dropped or the charge will be lesser or he will even be let go of charges because I hit him back after being abused for almost an hour. I’ve searched and searched the laws and can’t find anything out except “one has the right to defend them in the time needed.” But because it was a bat and because he turned and it hit his back, I’m so worried that I will end up being in trouble for trying to escape to save my life. I live in South Carolina if that helps with the laws at all.

 Thank you for contacting WEAVE about this issue, we are so sorry you experienced this within your relationship. I can only imagine how scary this event must have been for you. Unfortunately WEAVE is solely located in Sacramento, if your concerns are around getting legal services and support for DV you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline as they may direct you to the appropriate place. They can be reached at 1.800.799.7233. There is also a South Carolina organization that specializes in DV cases and depending on which county you live in, they may provide you with the services you are looking for. The website is http://www.sccadvasa.org/about/. Please feel free to reach out to our 24/7 support and Information line for any additional questions or support at 916.920.2952.

**The victim in South Carolina that used the baseball bat** he also has a prior prison sentence of two or three years due to cdv. And other charges previously for other crimes if that means anything. Still worried on the outcome of me defending myself.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are not sure of what you are asking, but it seems you might be needing legal assistance. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for information and/or referrals at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Want to report my partner for domestic violence in the police station put they are many issues and I am afraid they will not understand and see the problem has the police force in England officers knowing Narcissism or can I ask for one?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, however we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

My ex husband stalks me and our children. He even came into my home when we were asleep and opened windows and the back door that I would always lock up before going to bed. I woke up to those items wide open. He is on my phones, iPad, kids iPads, and has even tracked us on his phone from another city. I had a prior RO for 3 years that was gone in May 2018, and I’m scared to death he’s going to hurt my kids on his visitation weekends, and further more kill me in my home.

Thank you got contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you and your family are experiencing this. We cannot imagine how scary this must be for you all. You may choose to report those incidents to law enforcement and while they may or may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior. You may also consider filing another Temporary Restraining Order against him at the Family Court House. They hold workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My boyfriend beat me up last Friday he basically just body hits me so I can’t really prove the abuse anyway he threw me over the couch and my back it really bruised and I can’t think straight could it be something internal??

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through with your boyfriend, please know that you can still report the abuse if that’s what you choose to do, if not you don’t have to stay with him, you deserve a life free of violence. Do you have friends and/or family that you could trust and stay with? In regards to your injuries, we recommend you to please seek medical services as soon as possible. If you need support and would like to safety plan with an advocate please contact us at our 24/7 Support line-916.920.2952.

If my ex waits to long can she still put restraining order against me?

Thank you for reaching out with your question. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate and/or submit another question. You can also call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

What is the fastest, safest way to get rid of a stalker and his friends??? Like I want their attention,… How can you stop others quickly from trying to dump them on you or blame you???/ Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand that stalking can be very scary and we would like to offer you some safety tips and support. Please give us a call at 916-920-2952 24/7. Also, you can also check out this resource for additional support. https://www.fightcyberstalking.org/

So it’s going on about a year and a half almost 2 years since I left my child’s father due to the domestic abuse and violence that he caused during my pregnancy with our daughter and after. There were many times I left with my daughter and went to live back with my mother but he always was able to talk me into coming back and that he wouldn’t fight with me anymore. I was so back and forth that my family said if I was to continue to take my child with me to be back with him at our apartment while knowing violence was still occurring they would have no choice but to contact CPS. That was the wake up call I needed to reflect one last time on him and the situation and know that it was literally coming down the choice of him or my daughter! I’m done feeling like I have to stay inside to avoid him popping up somewhere,I don’t want to feel uneasy and anxiety when he texts that he is coming to my home and demands to talk to me and my daughter or he will have to handle things the hard way that I will not like or want. I want to take this up with court,I’m just not sure how or where to go what to say or ask for.. that is my question ,where can I get proper legal help? I’m just afraid with all I have to back me and my child up I will be told he is not a danger to us. Thank you [edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your daughter’s father.  We applaud you for breaking the cycle and recognizing that you and your daughter both deserve to have a healthy life away from any type of abuse and trauma. Have you thought about filing for a restraining order against him? A restraining order might be necessary for you to feel safe. You might also need to file a police report. But since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. You may also contact the Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center (FJC) at 916.875.4673 for assistance with the domestic violence restraining order. If you need support and would like to speak to an advocate, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line.

I obtained my 3rd RO in 2016. My soon to be ex is a felon w/assault w/a deadly weapon w/firearm from the 90’s. During this divorce he submitted documents in the discovery process stating he had 2 firearms and purchased ammunition. These documents were signed under penalty of perjury with his signature. They investigated, found reasonable cause, took them to a Judge for a search warrant served the search warrant and found 4 guns and over 1000 rounds of ammunition. He is being prosecuted in criminal court but agreed to a plea deal. I am trying to have my victim impact statement heard and the Judge is stating that I am not a direct victim to the crime which I don’t understand how due to the fact that it is my RO that got the search warrant and that is how they found the guns. The Judge also decided not to hold his prior conviction against him. This is his 5th arrest that has pertained to me [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your husband violating the Domestic Violence Restraining Order by owning fire guns and/or lying about how many. We understand that you need to be heard and it’s unfortunate that the judge isn’t allowing you to, even though you have the right to be heard. But since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and casa managements services as well.


 

My friends childs mother uses drugs. She believes people are after her and thinks people are poisoning her child. She has damaged his property many times. Openly threatens him in texts and on social media. She has been arrested multiple times. He has recently got a restraining order on her. But she still messages. My question is…HOW does she keep being released from jail? I understand she needs help. It is obvious she is not in her right mind. Her child has witnessed all of the things she has done. A mother in her right mind woukd never want her child to see these things. I do not understand how she is being released over and over again. She is a threat to herself and others. My question is WHY are HER rights thought to be more important than the safety of him and thier child??

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Sorry that your friend is experiencing this and I know it can be really frustrating unfortunately I have no knowledge regarding why she is being released from jail. Have you thought about contacting CPS to make a report of the child? That is an option to report your concerns to them or if you feel the child is in immediate danger you can always contact Law Enforcement. If your friend would like some support they can call our 24/7 Support Line to get more information or support.

There is a bus company that has a video surveillance taping of a domestic abuse act that happened to me for my ex-husband which is still employed there. That company is denying that they have any video of the incident. I know for a fact from the vice president who told me that he was very sorry because he watched the video he’s lied to the detectives and said the video does not go back that far which I know for a fact is a lie what can I do about this? I want to see this company they had sent my ex-husband to several rehabs they could have prevented this I had no way out of that bus companies parking lot do 2 hours on foot there was no way out unless you were in a vehicle for the gates to open please help

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

What is the law on husband and wife are having a Domestic argument shots were fired no gun was found. , do they separate the children from the parents for certain length of time? The police were called at that location

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. It is difficult to answer this question because every case is different. You may contact CPS about a current case as well as the local police department in which the incident occurred. If you have specific legal questions, you can reach our legal department at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number. If you need any additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I was in an abusive relationship in college for about a year. He is the one that ended the relationship with me and I was left absolutely heart broken. I didn’t really understand how traumatic the relationship was on me until a few years later when I got into a serious relationship. It began effecting my relationship with my significant other and even my family and friends. I thought I had gotten closure when he ended up reaching out to me a few years later to apologize for everything that had happened between us. I still sickly view him as my first love and have very vivid dreams of him and I reconciling at least once a week. I want to know what this means and why I can’t truly get over this man. We were together 6 years ago and I still have these dreams and than disturbingly enough wake up missing him. Why is this still so prevalent in my life and what should I do to have the dreams stop? 

Thank you for reaching out! It can be hard to ask for help, and we commend your bravery in taking the first step. We don’t necessarily get to choose whom our hearts decide to love, so don’t blame yourself for the way you felt. At one time, that person had qualities which appealed to you, or you probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with them to begin with. WEAVE offers 8 free sessions of counseling, if that’s something you would be interested in sitting down with a counselor and discussing. Similarly, WEAVE also offers a 24/7 support and information line, where advocates would be more than willing to listen, and offer emotional support. That number is: (916)920-2952.

My ex was arrested and charged with domestic violence and we are no longer together but he keeps calling me blocked or texting me hateful messages and as of today he’s threatening me he won’t say exactly what but he knows I know what he means. How can I get him to stop and leave me alone ? How can I get the cops to believe me ? There is a peaceful contact ordered by the judge .

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear about your ex constantly contacting you and harassing you in such matter. We can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel to have to continue to deal with this type of abuse. We suggest that you save all evidence of him contacting you in case you need to present it to law enforcement, and continue to report at any time that you feel in danger.  If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options, such as a Restraining Order. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. You may also contact the Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center (FJC) at 916.875.4673 for answers. If you need support and would like to speak to an advocate, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex boyfriend recently grabbed my arm violently and raised his fist at me, he also calls me incredibly terrible names like cunt, and bitch. Should I report this, make a statement to my local police or is it to minimal to report.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You may choose to report that incident to law enforcement and while they may or may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior. You may also consider filing a Temporary Restraining Order against him. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I was married to a violent man (he was arrested in 1999 for assault and domestic violence but of course I was stupid and didn’t press charges….we even had to go to court regarding this matter and I felt so bad and scared that I dropped the charges) The physical and mental abuse continued until he walked about questioning my values after going to an old friend’s same sex marriage. Coward waited until I was 4 hours away and did it over the phone. Our children are now 19 and 21. They were too young to remember his being arrested. They’d never testify against their own father. Do I have any legal right now to sue him? This whole “Me Too” movement has me wondering. He also had gone back to work, and stopped paying me child support from 2012-2017. He had the kids lie to me saying “they didn’t know if he was working or not”…and I was afraid to upset my teens by taking ex back for Child Support. I then grew a set last fall and took him back. He only had to pay for my daughter who was then 20 for 7 months and my son, who is now 19 for the next year and a half. I know I can’t sue for back support, as I never petitioned him until July 31, per NY State law. My question is about the past abuse….mental and physical. There is record of physical abuse from 1999, where I dropped the charges. Any thoughts? Please let me know. I’d like to sue him now for pain, mental anguish and my current anxiety, for which I am medicated now. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you and your kids had to experience that, unfortunately we are not aware of how laws and statutes are enforced in New York, it is probably best you contact your local Domestic Violence agencies and they may be able to provide you with more specific information. If there anyway we can be more of an assistance or you just need some support you can contact our 24/7 Support Line (916) 920-2952.

How do I get a man sent back to prison and stay away from his wife after threatening to chop her head off and cut her face so no one would ever look at her and they have two sons together both sons do not like their father they cannot stand him she was in fear for her life so she got a gun but now she’s secretly seeing him behind the kids back what should I do

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like this could be difficult for you to watch someone you care about be back with a man who once threatened her life, unfortunately there is not much you can do because she would have to make that decision to leave him when she is ready. If you feel she is in danger you can contact Law Enforcement in regards to your concern. The only thing you can do for her is to provide her with WEAVE information and 24/7 Support line (916)920-2952 so that when she ready she can reach out. If you need any support you can call us anytime on our 24/7 Support Line (916)920-2952.

I’ve known a woman for 7 years. When first met via work she was single (divorced) and she definitely grew a crush on me. For many months we kindled a friendship and it was immediately comfortable like we were boyfriend/girlfriend, in contact in person or through text morning to night. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted a relationship, but she got to my heart and then I started to feel weird that we only had this “pseudo” boyfriend/girlfriend thing at work and via all day long texting. So I tried to get us to go out with each other outside of work. So we did a few times and one time she kissed me (she initiated it). But, I knew she had a history of abuse (every man she’s ever been with has abused her emotionally and physically, as well as childhood sexual abuse, and she’s been raped a couple times). So I didn’t take it any further than kissing because I wanted her to see a man could respect her and love her for more than just her body. Then, suddenly, she got with another man, who ended up being abusive…Then, unfortunately she went back to the abuser. While she was here I did some studying up and knew this might happen, so wasn’t surprised. However, since she went back she has come by my house a few times and we’ve been intimately involved (kissing and making love). She never should have gone back to the abuser…Also, since she’s gone back to the abuser, she makes excuses for his bad behavior, or puts him on a pedestal, saying how many good things he does…so it’s like my good deeds don’t measure up. Anyway, what I am mostly wanting to know right now is, if she says she feels nothing for me but a friend, but then engages with romantic physical contact with me, what does that mean? Should I believe her that she really feels for me as only a friend? It seems she is just in denial about me the good guy as well as the abusive bad guy. Also, any general feedback to help me understand her experience. Thanks and sorry this got so long. [Edited for Length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you really care about this person. It is difficult to watch the ones we love go through this cycle and pattern, and as you mentioned before it is not uncommon for a person to return to the abuser multiple time within a relationship. The best thing to do is be there for her the best you can and provide the support she needs, even if that means being her friend. At the same time, it’s important to recognize your boundaries and separate yourself from the situation if it’s too painful for you to be there for her platonically. To better understand and help guide you through your situation, we would encourage you to call one of our advocates on our Confidential 24/7 Support and information line at 916.920.2952.

my boyfriend and I recently got into an altercation and the police was called and the police decided to take pictures and I told him I didn’t want to press charges he was arrested at his job 4 days ago which is the next County and now he has no bond in that county and I’m concerned about him losing his job what can I do to speed the process of release for him because we honestly beat each other up

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are going through this with your boyfriend. Being involved in altercations with a loved one can definitely take an emotional toll on someone.  We provide emotional support and resources over the phone 24/7. Please give us a call at 916-920-2952. Also, we cannot give legal advice over the phone but if you would like more guidance regarding the legal process you can contact your local law enforcement agency.

Hello I have a question I had an incident with my husband on February 2017 where I accidentally call the cops and told the cops that he had broken to the house, kick the door down not only one time that I call but a couple of times. I didn’t press charges, they took pictures but I told him specifically that I was not going to press charges, one investigator called me a week after and asked me if I wanted to proceed, I said no, I said I wasn’t going to it because I lied, this was February 2017. Protective order didn’t appear on till September 2017, now we’ve been going back to back to court, I’ve been showing up at court but not to be the victim I go to support him, he is my husband- they won’t drop the restraining order, I told the judge I lied and my husband is going to trial if he were to loose what are the consequences?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Since this is a legal question in regards to your husband’s case, we recommend you to seek out the services of a private attorney in order to look at the case. You could also attend to the Self-Help Center-Family Law Facilitator at the Family Relations Courthouse where they might be able to answer your questions, attached is the link to their website https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/family/self-help-center.aspx.  If you would like more information about programs or resources that can be beneficial for you, including counseling, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line-916.920.2952.

I’ve been with a covert narcissist for two and a half years. He threatened me and strangled me two and a half years ago I did not make a police report what can i do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing that over the years, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you but we glad you are alive. You may choose to report those incidents to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior. You may also consider filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against him. They are free in the state of California and there are free workshops every Monday, Wednesday and Friday where they will help you fill out the paperwork. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do whatever you can to keep you and yourself safe. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

Ive was with my boyfriend for 5 years. 4 of those years he has been addicted to Meth and now Crack. H also very recently was diagnosed as being bipolar and prescribed medication. Up until this year he has become very hostel and physically abusive. This occurs only when wanting to get high and maybe also caused by his condition. Yes he definitely has an anger management issue as well. H gets clean for a couple of weeks and falls back and that is when he becomes extremely scary. One of his episodes he poured gasoline on me while in my car as he forced me to withdraw money and drive him to his dealer and got very angry at me for refusing at first. [Edited for content]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life we would advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My ex is threatening to expose pics we took that are sexual he is in another state what can I do

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We understand how scary ad frustrating it can be to have someone threaten you this way. We would recommend you contact your local police department to get advice on how you can protect yourself.  Also, we offer a 24-Hour Support and Information Line that may be helpful for you. We can provide emotional support to help you process wat you’re going through. You can contact us at (916)-920-2952.

Hello; I have a DRVO for my ex-husband. He’s violated the order 4 times in 2 months. He’s been arrested once and has had 3 Requests for Warrants sent to the DA. The DA has not yet pressed charges. He lives in Sacramento and I live in Elk Grove, Elk Grove PD always seems to have “priority” calls over mine, and except for once will not go to Sacramento to arrest him. I swear I’m close to my end. What is the point of a DRVO if the police and DA do nothing about it when it is violated? Is there anything else I can do so that this man stops his stalking and harassment of me? It never ends.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your ex-husband violating the Domestic Violence Restraining Order and not being apprehended, it can certainly get exhausting. Since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. You may also contact the Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center (FJC) at 916.875.4673 for answers. If you need support and would like to speak to an advocate, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line.

My boyfriend used to spank his kids a lot. I, as the stepparent, used to as well. A couple of times (I’m deeply ashamed to say), I’ve left tiny bruises on their butts. When I realized, I stopped spanking completely…At the time, I told him that I would like for him to agree to never spank any of the kids, in any form ever again, and that I didn’t trust him to be alone with the kids. He agreed at the time, but a few days later was upset with me for that. He said that I’ve hit the kids just as much and have left the same manner of bruising, also, and that if I reported him, he would say that some of the marks were from me…he’s been completely different around all of the kids ever since. He has not spanked them, yelled at them. He’s taken far more time than ever before to sit with them when they’re having a rough time and talk them through tough emotions. He’s a completely different father, for the better. And yet, he said (at the time) that he would report me for the abuse that HE did. I don’t know how to justify the two – the lie on the one hand, and the (now) involved, loving dad that he’s become. Add in that he’s the only one with parental rights (I have none and their other parent has waived theirs), and it seems like the best option is to wait until they’re older and try to protect them as I can in the meantime. Are there other options? [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. If there’s a history of abuse with that person and/or that child, there could also be an issue with both the law and CPS, as the expectation from CPS would be that you’re able to keep the child out of an abusive environment or witnessing that sort of thing. Here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sherriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep the children from the father AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

If my ex-boyfriend breaks my car windows and slices my tires does that mean he hates me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am very sorry you have experienced this; I can only imagine how scary it must have been for you. I cannot say for sure if your ex-boyfriend hates you or not but I will say that it is not okay for anyone to destroy your property, no matter how they feel about you. If you do not feel safe, I would suggest you call your local police department and make a report. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experience or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I am a 54 year old abused girlfriend, I have been called retard, stupid, liar, loser, you name it. I have been warned and warned about taking action again, we have been to court twice, he was removed twice, yet when he comes back he flares up and starts again. I am always the blame for his anger, the finances, his debt, it never stops, he controls the shopping, the laundry soap, tells me to slow down on the cream, the bread whatever. I feel like a nobody and am craving to get out of here, he threatens to sell the house, go into foreclosure on a regular basis and breaks things I adore. He goes through my things and after 10 years I am not allowed a mailbox key.  He is killing me inside, he will wake up at 3 am and disrupt my sleep tells me to shut up and doesn’t want to hear me his scares me at times. What are my legal rights? We bought this house together yet it is in his name only. What are my legal rights? Please answer me.

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry you are experiencing that kind of treatment with your current partner. Based on what you share it seems you are in a domestic violence relationship and that you have taken action before where he has been removed from the home, although he comes back later and the cycle starts all over again. Since your questions are legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you are experiencing and work on ending the cycle. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process at 916.920.2952.

If someone gets into a heated argument with their significant other and as usual nasty words and empty threats get thrown around, can one call the cops and have the other actually arrested for saying, “ I’m gonna kill you” to the other?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life and you believe he can commit a crime against you we advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My husband of only a year got mad at me the other night. He was drinking. He tried to get amorous with me and I told him calmly that I didn’t want to and didn’t like him when he was like that. He blew up and threw his wedding ring in my face. Then told me to leave and go into the other room. I went to the bathroom and he busted in, he wouldn’t let me out. I kept saying let me out. I tried to get past him and he pushed me back in. Bu the then I’m upset and crying stating I can’t believe it doing this. He kept blocking me and but I eventually managed to get out. He normally is calm and respectful and not controlling. It messed me up because of what I went through with my ex-husband. I called his bf that came over and calmed him down. I feel withdrawn and angry. He says of course he is sorry and kind of minimalizes it and Hope’s just to move on, well I can’t forget about it, is this abuse should I be concerned?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that with your husband; it can be scary and can make you not trust him again. Based on what you shared, it seems this incident was the first time he behaved like that, and like everything, it can happen again. You will be able to notice a pattern of behavior, you will be able to notice if he only behaves like this when he is drinking, and If so, this might be an alcohol problem that clouds his judgment. If it happens again when he is sober then it might be him and his character, which is something to look out for in case it starts escalating. It might be best to bring out your concerns to your husband and for you to safety plan if it happens again. Most importantly you deserve to be safe and it might necessary for him to take the necessary steps so it doesn’t happen again.  You can talk to an advocate by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952-if you would like more information about programs or resources that can be beneficial for your husband and you.

I have never had a record not even a speeding ticket been in an abusive relationship for 7 years now very toxic multiple domestics and things got out of line and I went to jail got charged with felony domestic battery with child endangerment because he’s abusive and spit a loogie on me and I slapped him, am I going to lose my kids? Will cps he notified?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. If you would like an update on your case you can contact the Police Department where the charge was filed. As for CPS, contact your county’s CPS office and see if they can assist you. If you would like to seek additional support or resources please contact our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My wife of 10 years told me out of nowhere she wanted a divorce. I was shocked. She has since been telling poeple that is because I have been abusive for 10 years. She constantly has tried to convince that I’ve done things to her that I have never or would ever do. She says I’ve hit her, pushed her down the stairs, kicked her in the stomach. All of this is completely false and it’s almost literally driving me insane. We have 4 children ages 3-10. And she uses them to try to make me admit I was abusive. I was so scared to lose my children one night when she said she was taking them to Utah to live with her family and I will never see them again, that I broke. I caved and agreed that I’d abused her for 10 years. She didn’t leave. A couple of days ago I’d had enough. She was pushing me to move out of our house and she lost it and started screaming for me to leave. I told her I wasn’t leaving and began recording on my phone how she was behaving. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are not sure where you’re located but wanted to  refer you to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224. You can also call our 24-hour support and information line to receive additional support 916-920-2952. Additionally we would like to let you know that WEAVE identifies five types of domestic violence.  All types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. The types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations, one type is emotional abuse.  The reason and intent of the person do the action, and damage done to the recipient of the action, that helps to define if the action is abuse. By talking with a counselor on our 24-Hour Crisis Line you would be able to explore in more detail both the dynamics of your relationship and about WEAVE’s services.
My ex husband and his new wife (was his fiancé when this happened) repeatedly hit my exes and my just turned 3 year old son on the buttocks until they were horribly black and blue for peeing and pooping his pants and lying about it. I went to domestic court and won full custody after a trial which included CPS, emergency room physician, day care worker, and GAL testimony. I want to go and file a petition for order of protection so she can not be around my kids now that she has been convicted in criminal court and is awaiting sentencing. Do you think I have a good enough reason for the domestic court ruling, of allowing her to be supervised by my ex around the kids, to now be overturned since she was found guilty of the charges in criminal court?? [ Edited for length] 

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your son went through with your ex and we are glad to hear that justice is being served. Given the circumstances, you have more than enough reason to want to overturn the last ruling and should be done in order to continue protecting your son and your daughter. We recommend going to the Family Court house and following the steps advised to complete this order. If you have any further questions or need emotional support you are also able to contact us through our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My 68 year old home owner brother offered a woman he knew from high school (she was in a bad living situation) to move into his guest room, in return she would clean the house, cook meals, etc. His health declined rapidly (he is now able to take care of himself though after 9 months of chemo etc) and he is still inclined to help her out with this arrangement. She became abusive (she has a former record for DV) and he tried to go to his room to get away from her. He is 6′2″; she is 5′0″. He claims she jumped in front of him and he phoned the police. The police arrested my brother for felony ADW/Force Possible GBI. I would like to get her evicted for both of their sakes. She decided to not press charges. I have POA for him in the event of his death or health decline again…what should I do? She took very good care of my brother when he needed help but she is relentless with her mouth, points of view, etc. and when we have been around her, my polite husband has had to step up and say, “enough, end of conversation and tell me we are leaving”…I don’t see my brother much because of her presence…please advise what you think would be best for all parties concerned? I am very stressed out and not sleeping over this…thank you.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand you are very stressed out and worried with the current situation of your brother. Unfortunately, your brother is an adult and he has to be the one to want to change his current living situation. Based on what you shared It’s possible that they might be in a co-combative relationship which isn’t healthy and can easily escalate more. If your brother decides to evict her he might have to file for a unlawful detainer complaint, which can take time, but it’s possible. We will be happy to talk to him, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that he will need to call us for us to talk to him directly. If he is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. You might also be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377.

I was in an on and off relationship for 3 years with my ex boyfriend, who i met in college, I got pregnant. Throughout those 3 years i didn’t realize I was being mentally and emotionally abused. (i.e. telling me nobody will want after having my child, trying to make me get an abortion, quitting his job or getting fired on purpose to force me to pay his half of the rent, and now asking for full custody of my daughter and threatening to have the Judge (that his attorney knows ) throw me in jail.) He’s living a very unstable life (i.e. struggling with substance abuse, squatting, not having a vehicle or license) and when I complained to the court they did not even give me the chance to express my issues to keep my daughter safe. She’s 6 months and this has been going since she was born. She always come back from him different or uncomfortable. I’ve been letting everything pack down inside and praying that he will one day leave me and my daughter alone to live a peaceful life but it’s doesn’t seem to be happening. I don’t know what to do and i don’t want my daughter to feel like or experience I did when I lived with him. I feel like no one understands what i’m going through… it’s like someone took my heart out and is forcing me to chase it while saying stay alive. He is still trying to treat me like a slave or the weak person who didn’t leave earlier. what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We want to start off by saying you’re taking great steps in recognizing that you were in an abusive relationship and working towards keeping you and your child safe. WEAVE has legal advocates who can help provide you with legal support regarding ways to keep you and your child safe and to ensure that you are heard in court. You can contact them at 916.319.4944 and please leave a message with your name and a safe-identified phone number. The turnaround time for their response is about five business days. If you are interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113.  If you have any other questions or would like to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.

So we don’t know how to take my stepdad out of the apartment it’s under his name and my moms he’s drunk right now screaming calling us names and punching walls and breaking stuff the cops came and said they can’t do anything but tell us to leave. How is it fair that he can stay here doing things and be cops say they can’t do anything about it

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are very sorry you and your mom have been experiencing this. Unfortunately, if the apartment is under his name, you or mom cannot legally make him leave. If your mom is interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, CA. If you would like to talk to an advocate to get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My husband hit me in the breast last night in anger I am still in pain. I finally got an apology of sorts, however it is accompanied with shifting of blame on to me and questions like – What do you want me to do I’ve said I’m sorry- I just don’t know what to do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing this with your current partner.  We are sorry that you were treated this way and if you are still in pain we encourage you to seek medical attention.  Secondly safety is very important, and we can help you with that by safety planning. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including emotional support,  free counseling services and possible case management services if you are within the Sacramento area.

I live in a triplex. The neighbor in the middle with whom I share a wall beat up his live-in girl friend. I heard the whole thing and I’m the one who called the police. He was carried away in hand cuffs, but came back in about 6 weeks. I can still hear him yelling curse words at her everyday just like in the days leading up to when he beat her up. I didn’t call until I heard her say, “get your hands off me”. I knew then that it wasn’t just yelling. Now, I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t he be under a restraining order to not be allowed to live with her anymore.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear that your neighbor is still abusive even after you have called law enforcement. Unfortunately, if your neighbor has not filed a restraining order against her abuser, there is nothing to stop him from coming back to the apartment. If your neighbor is interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, CA. Witnessing abuse can also have detrimental effects on you as well. You can always call 24/7 WEAVE Support Line 916-920-2952 to receive support or resources. We’re here to help however we can.

How can I leave this dangerous relationship I’m in with this man? He is a daily methamphetamine user and he is also on meds for bipolar. He is controlling and just plain weird and scary to be around. He screams and yells at me all the time and tells me I do and say things that are not even true. I think he is trying to make me crazy and I already have mental illness problems as well as in manic depression , anxiety and PTSD from child and teenage trauma. He does not hit me but I can’t take it anymore he is causing me to break and have panic attacks. When I go to leave he eats a bunch of pills or cuts his face or wrist and says if I walk out then I’ve killed him. I don’t want that on me because he is doing it to himself. Please help

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing this with your current partner, based on what you shared it sounds like you are in a domestic violence relationship, drug use and mental illness also makes things worse. You know you want to leave and that you need to get out, but that only exasperates his behavior. Have you consider contacting law enforcement next time he threatens to harm himself if you leave? If you have a support system and someone to stay with it might be necessary to also seek a restraining order against him. Most importantly you need to be safe and safety planning will be crucial. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 years and I was emotionally abusive. The relationship ended when my emotional outbursts, unrelenting anger and constant belittling of my partner led to her attempting suicide. Luckily she survived, and a few weeks later she realized she could not continue to share a life with me. That was at the beginning of this year, and we have remained no-contact since then, until earlier this month, when she reached out to me and we began speaking a bit before again deciding to go no-contact. I enrolled myself into an abusers intervention program and have stopped abusing benzodiazepines, which was another issue I had throughout the relationship. I guess my question is, is there a way her and I could ever be together again? We both share that desire but are terrified of ending up in the same situation again. Is it ever possible to “make things work”? And if so, does that require that we stay apart while I work on myself?

Thanks again.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I want to start off by saying you’re taking great steps the fact that you are recognizing that you were abusive and working towards bettering yourself with programs. If you were to get back with this person do you think there is that possibility of the same patterns happening again? If yes, then maybe just stay focused on working on yourself and maybe one day if she decides that she wants a relationship with you she will come back but she has to decide what is best for her and you respecting that is a way to show you are acknowledging her feelings.

I was in a very abusive relationship 13 years ago. My ex went to prison for parole violations after being released for serving time on 28 criminal sexual counts. He forced me to make a fake marriage license so I could visit him. He is now threatening to turn me in for making the fake license. I am wondering if there is a statute of limitations or if I could really get in trouble for this. He was so mentally and emotionally abusive, even threatened that his brother would harm me if I didn’t do it. I don’t know if he is just trying to stay in contact with me and trying to control me or if he really could get me in trouble.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear that he is still abusive even though he is in prison. It’s possible that he is trying to scare you and manipulate you into doing what he wants since he doesn’t have much control over you anymore. Since this is a legal question we recommend you to contact an attorney and ask for legal advice and about how to proceed in case your ex does report you. You can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or National Center for Victims of Crime at 855.484.2846. If you have any more questions Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I am in my mid-twenties, and I was camping with my father and family inside a travel trailer. After telling a family member about a panic attack earlier in the day, my father cornered me inside the trailer and would not let me outside. I had planned on leaving back to my house that night, but he said the only way I was going to leave there was in the back of a police car. After attempting to leave, he grabbed me and threw me to the ground and put me in a choke hold. I was unable to breathe as he was on top of me and he was choking me. I am 135 lbs and he is 270 lbs approximately. A family member yelled at him not to but he continued. The family member then called the police, and woke up the whole campground and the entire family and told them about my panic attack. The choking continued until my uncle pushed open the door of the trailer. At that moment, my father got off me and I went to my Uncle who helped me get out of there. Can I press charged against my father?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced that with your father. If you have any legal questions and/or want to seek counseling A Community for Peace is a center that has a focus in family Violence. You can contact them on their 24/7 SL at 916.728.7210. Please feel free to seek Support and Information from our 24/7 line as well at 916.920.2952.

My boyfriend beat me up, I pressed charges against him, the officer that showed up didn’t lock him up, the trailer we both own no title but pieces is in his name we been there for 18 years they made me leave he’s been abusing me for 10 years, and every time we go to court I got to drop it cause he would lie and threaten my life well he has a warrant for his arrest and knows it but is hiding. my question is who do I talk to about getting help I want to testify but he threatened me saying he will get me in any way he can, he won’t let me have none of my belongings.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through at the moment. Have you thought about filing for a Restraining Order against your boyfriend? A restraining order might be necessary for you to feel safe and be able to return home. You might also need to file another police report. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about resources that might be beneficial to you.

Can I press charges and will she be arrested? My daughter is very abusive. I have been protecting myself from her for years. Police have been involved yet I wouldn’t press charges cause she is my daughter. Can I press charges because she has beat me many times the last year. She is very strong and loves to choke and pull hair. She is constantly telling me she wishes she would of killed me or wants me dead. I’m saying the last time she choked me so much that I felt and heard a crunch in my throat. She choked me again and immediately I couldn’t breath. It’s still like that.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and it must be very difficult for you. A Community for Peace is a place that provides services (Support and Legal) for those experiencing violence within the family. You can reach them at 916.728.7210 for 24/7 support. If you are interested in getting a restraining order there are options for that as well through the Sacramento County Superior Court: https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/restraining-orders.aspx. If you would like additional information or support please reach out to one of our advocates through our 24/7 line at 916.920.2952.

 How can I get my boyfriend of 13 years help for his anger issues? I love him very much, we have 3 children together. However, he is always angry About 11 years ago we had a terrible physical fight that he tried to claim to be the victim however the courts saw through it; he went to anger management for a few weeks and then quit. About 5 years ago, we had an altercation and when the cops arrived he made me look like a crazy person. About 2 years ago, he kicked a hole in my mother’s expensive space heater we were borrowing and proceeded to choke me in front of our children. Now yesterday, he threatened to run me over with his car and was kicking and slamming things. I told him to stop or I would call the cops if he broke anything and get a restraining order. Today he tells me it was just words he shouldn’t have said and didn’t mean in the heat of the moment; and that what I said I shouldn’t have said too. But I finally stood up for myself by saying I wasn’t going to take it anymore and I did want to mean it…but now I’m sitting here wondering when does this end? How does this end? Will he just end up killing me? Because he won’t leave and I don’t have the heart to make him leave. I just want to get him help and have the sweet, kind man that adored me when I first met him back [edited for length] 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you and your children are experiencing this. If you think the kids are exposed to stuff or behavior is harming them or detrimental to their well-being, you could contact Law Enforcement if at any point you feel afraid. There are many resources for you but you have to think about what you would want to do. Have you thought of seeking counseling? If your children are old enough have you spoke to them about what they are witnessing? Witnessing abuse can have detrimental effects on children. Have you thought of getting counseling for them?  If you have but you’re just not sure where to start you can always call 24/7 WEAVE Support Line 916-920-2952 to receive support or resources.  Unfortunately you probably cannot change him, he would have to want to change his self but what you can do is do what’s best for you and your children.  You should be very proud of yourself for standing up and saying what you feel.

Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Why did WEAVE . . . tell me about resources that were available to me and why didn’t my counselor go with me to hotel [edited for length] 

We are sorry you did not have a good experience when you accessed services recently. We cannot go into details online about specific situations but are transparent that funding restrictions and funding availability may limit who can receive specific services (i.e. legal, moving assistance, etc.). We know the only way we can do better is when we hear from those who needed more than we could provide. Please email your concerns to info@weaveinc.org with your preferred contact information (email or phone) and arrangements will be made for you to speak with the CEO. 

I’m having flashbacks of my recent and extensive physical abuse from my ex. I have just been granted victims compensation and I really would like to use that and make him go to a counseling session so he can sit and hear my pain and what he did. Is that healthy? I really want him to just listen and be forced to listen with a mediator.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry you have experienced that within your past relationship and the effects it is been having on your life. It is very brave of you to reach out and seek help from the terrible experiences you have had and although it may beneficial for your ex to receive help as well, you cannot force someone to go to counseling. You can certainly extend the invitation to your ex about accompanying you to those counseling sessions but at this point, you need to take some time and heal for yourself. Maybe at a later date and time, the both of you can sit down with a mediator or counselor and talk about issues of the past. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

My ex-boyfriend and father of our 16 month old baby is in the process of criminal proceedings for domestic violence. This is his second charge in less than 5 years. I was unaware of the prior change (and apparent conviction). My question is- I have an approximately 1 inch scar on my face (just above and to the left of the bridge of my nose) as a result of the incident. Is there any precedent for suing an abuser for causing very visible permanent scaring on the face? I am a reasonably attractive woman, and this scar has changed the way I look. It is also a constant reminder of the abuse.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support; you can contact them at 916.319.4944. Please leave a message with your name and a safe-identified phone number. If you are interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113.  If you have any other questions or would like to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.

I have only been married to my husband for a little over 2 months. However, we have been together for over 13 years and within those 13 years, he’s beaten me up 5 times. The last time was in April of 2017. I decided not to pursue a case even though I ended up in the ER with brain injury. Even now that we are married, the emotional and mental abuse continue. He put me on allowance and took away the only credit card he ever gave me while his ex-wife continues to receive all benefits. He made sure I signed a prenuptial agreement waiving all my rights to claim or else there wouldn’t have been a wedding which according to him could’ve led to my deportation because of my immigration status. In over 12 years, I supported myself, paid for school and my expenses while the ex-wife received all the spousal benefits and support. I was referred to as the babysitter and maid in some reports filed with the police department and he had me arrested after trying to defend myself but was later dismissed. Please. I need help. Do I have other options immigration-wise? I feel so trapped

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your marriage. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information

Hi, My boyfriend of 2 years physically hurt me Monday 813/18 night. I was scared and not sure what to do. He was drunk, he is 6′7 and I am 4′11. I went to the neighbors and they advised me to call the police. I was so shaken up and I feel bad now and guilty. I love him he is the only person I have ever been with and honestly I can’t say I see myself without him. Now I don’t know. His mother has contacted me saying its my fault and I ruined his life. His friend called me the next day saying he’s is getting a lawyer for him and that he doesn’t believe me that he hurt me and that I just made a mistake. His sister sees it from both sides knowing he has anger issues. My main question here is if I were to reach out to him because Im hurt sad and worried, would it look bad on my part. Would the prosecutor think I am lying too. I am so confused and I feel alone and don’t know what to do. I just need to hear from my best friend and make sure he is ok and let him know I never meant to hurt him this way but he hurt me and thats not ok. I just want to know how he’s feeling. I know its pathetic of me but I love him

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship. Unfortunately I cannot advise you on what you should do but if you are looking for more support WEAVE has a 24/7 Support Line 916-920-2952 that you can call and talk to someone over the phone.

I was in an abusive relationship for close to 4 years, I was finally able to get out a few weeks ago but am still being harassed almost constantly. One of the biggest issues is that we have a car that is financed together, but I cannot refinance with our lender because I have poor credit and not a lot of money. I was curious if there were financial resources available to DV victims that could help me sever this final tie with him. I am constantly in fear of him showing up at my work or finding where I live and trying to take my car, or worse.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship. WEAVE offers a Financial Empowerment Workshop, the updated information can be found on our website. Weave also offers legal support for Sacramento County, to contact them please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected with additional resources you can contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I was married to my ex-husband for roughly about 5 years 2 of The Last 5 Years we were legally separated so that he could have a tax write-off basically we divorced I asked him for help to buy a vehicle I couldn’t get it cuz he ruined my credit during the divorce so now the vehicle is in his name and now he wants to can he do that is that possible?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information

If a father slaps his daughter (8) upside the head into a metal corner of a wall putting such a dent in her head that she has to go to the hospital to get stitches, is that abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define physical abuse as the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured. So in your case the answer would be yes, it would be considered abuse. If there’s a history of abuse with that person and/or that child, there could also be an issue with both the law and CPS, as the expectation from CPS would be that you’re able to keep the child out of an abusive environment or witnessing that sort of thing. Here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sherriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

Why won’t the police put my daughter’s boyfriend in jail for kicking in her door 3 times, breaking in daughter’s window and stealing the baby’s television, cutting her tires on her car, stealing her car keys and periodically moving her car here and there. She is pregnant, at my house, he comes over and is fighting her, he even threatened to bust out my windows and kick in my door! I call the Travis County Police, all they say is we can’t do anything unless she files and we can’t do anything about him threatening to bust out your windows. Why are the criminals more protected than the abuser? As soon as an abused person defends themselves, here comes the police to arrest them on the spot and letting the abuser go free! Never fails.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter and you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Has your daughter try filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against him? Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  We recommend you reaching out to a local Domestic Violence agency in your County for assistance or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

If my ex-wife’s boyfriend attacked me and I file charges can I file for full custody of the kids? She is making poor choices and putting them, and me, in danger. 

Thanks for turning to us for some assistance, we’re glad to offer any kind of help we can!

I’m sorry that your ex-wife and her new partner aren’t making the best decisions when it comes to co-parenting and co-existing. You’re essentially free to file for full custody whenever you’d like to and while this incident isn’t a guarantee you’ll win that case, it is certainly compelling evidence. When you say your ex-wife isn’t making the best choices for the kids, it’s important that you qualify that somehow with concrete evidence to back it up – the courts never operate off of mere hearsay. Also, if you think the kids are exposed to stuff or behavior is harming them or detrimental to their well-being, you could always file a report with CPS and have them look into it in order to determine whether they are in a suitable environment. Lastly, if you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep your children from your ex-wife AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from one another.

Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options, try to keep them at the forefront of your mind. For help or more information about all the stuff we discussed, give our Confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line a call and one of our advocates can provide you with any further assistance or clarity you may need. Also, these things can take a toll on your psyche, so if you just need to talk, we’re here for that, too! In the meantime, be safe and be the best you possible! 

What to do when your girlfriend grabs you by the balls and threatens you I told her if she grabs me by the balls like that again I was going to punch her in her face I told her I was going to punch her in her face because I think that would be the fastest way to make her let go I don’t know why she keeps fighting me over almost anything…when I first met her about 5 years ago she had a drawer with little cups and little spoons that were filled up with Comet cleaner and after I questioned her about it she got rid of it but I can’t find a little cups here and there around the house never seen her use Comet to clean anything but would always be cleaning When I’m Gone and it will smell like comet 

She also has other issues like she has been eating or washing her mouth out with comet cleaner and whenever she does this I feel like she is more aggressive somebody please help

Thanks for coming to us for some support! First, let’s establish that it’s never okay to lay your hands on anyone else in anger, and this applies to both sides of an altercation. Nothing gives anyone the right to come at you in an aggressive, and they are absolutely wrong for that, but despite the situation or the severe pain it causes you, the solution isn’t more violence. For one, it’s illegal and two, it makes you both contributing, culpable parties in the situation – it’s hard to claim to be justified in any situation where both of you are severely injured. The most important reason though, is that no problems were ever solved with violence. If anything, it amplifies the problem and all the accompanying anger, fear, hurt and sadness that comes along with it. Reacting to her abuse with your own does not mean it’s justified, it means you’re just as bad as she is. Call us at our Confidential, 24/7 Support and Information Line and we can help you find alternatives, get some counseling on how to deal with the abuse and/or each other, find some peace or how to keep yourself safe and out of trouble. That number is (916) 920-2952 and whether it’s 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon, our advocates are there for you.

The second part of your message could relate to a number of things. Perhaps she has a compulsion to arrange flatware and comet as a comfort, or it could be Pica, an eating disorder where people feel compelled to eat things typically not classified as food, like chalk, soap or, perhaps, even Clorox or maybe she just has a cleaning ritual she doesn’t want to share with you. In any case, perhaps you could sensitively open the lines of communication and delicately ask her. If it is something problematic, perhaps that is something you can help her with – offering love and compassion is always important for the ones we care about. If it is anything serious, it is advisable you have her see a doctor to check her health for any adverse health effects it may have caused

We wish you both the best in being safe and finding a kind, more cooperative way to solve your problems, whatever that may look like for the two of you. 

I been with my boyfriend for a little over a year . We got pregnant months after dating and deciding to move together. I was free spirit and he know that about me ,including smoking pot. He would push me arou d at first and as for the yesterday he litreally cbocked me, slap me, pulled my hair, elbow my spine, hit the back of my head, step on my feet ,pulled my arms and torn my shirt. This doesn’t include the verbal abuse. Calling mg trash,whore,Mexican and ext. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault. But no one has hit me like Marcus does. He literally hit me and it’s only gotten this far once. I’m scared henwont stop. Right now he’s outside and I don’t k is why he bein mean to me . Our child is only few months right now. I always tell my self we barely know each other and we shouldn’t give up. I shouldn’t give up. One day tell trust me. I won’t never cheat on mg im but I definitely need time away from him , especially since he was aggressive days before. Do all women get bear and maybe it stops …. what should I do. 

With everything going on, thanks for reaching out to WEAVE here on our message boards – we’re here to help however we can!

First, we want to make it VERY clear that there is never a time, circumstance or excuse for someone else putting their hands on you, so in no way, shape or form are you at fault for being treated this way, there is never any excuse for it. Sometimes, this kind of violent or aggressive behavior can escalate, as you’ve seen, and there isn’t always a rhyme or reason for it. There is always a possibility that with intensive counseling, a lot of work and a genuine desire to change, someone can learn to do better, but that requires a lot of someone, not to mention time. Our priority is getting you somewhere safe and stable where you can take care of yourself and your baby. If you don’t have a relative or friend you feel comfortable staying with, contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line where we can work with you to find places and organizations whose only job is giving people going through stuff like this an option where they can be safe from all the anxiety and hurt that stems from this kind of abuse and start to heal. Also, we have a bunch of resources for pregnant women, from housing to healthcare to car seats and diapers, whatever kind of stuff you might need for you and the baby. Our number is (916) 920-2952 and there’s always an advocate there to help support you. 

My ex wife and I have 3 kids. A 4th old, 2yr old and a 3m old. I just found out from my oldest daughter(18yr) from a previous, that my ex just got arrested and put in jail, for smacking our 2yr old in the face..which was seen done by a cop…who was the arresting officer. My ex already has 1 charge of domestic viloence for punching me in eye n put me in hospital. How long…in state of Alabama would my ex would spend in jail? The grandmother has my kids until DHR says so. And my ex is not allowed to be around my kids until otherwise told so. Also…I moved out and now living in Kentucky as to where my ex n kids still live in Alabama. Would I be able to get my kids and bring with me to Kentucky?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you and your kids had to experience that, unfortunately we are not aware of how laws and statutes are enforced in your part of the United Stated, it is probably best you contact your local Domestic Violence agencies such as – Center for women and Families in Kentucky or Penelope House in Alabama and they may be able to provide you with more specific information. If there anyway we can be more of an assistance or you just need some support you can contact our 24/7 Support Line (916) 920-2952. 
This happened in Sacramento, California. A woman was in a domestic violence drama with her latest loser boyfriend. She probably has multiple crazy boyfriend folders at your office five inches thick. Due to death and injury threats, and violence her latest loser boyfriend committed to kill/harm her, she was granted a restraining order (R.O.). Latest loser is not supposed to contact her or come within a set number of feet of her. She has a baby conceived from current loser. She tells me even with the R.O. she wants her daughter to bond to crazy daddy. She allows loser to secretly visit her and child. She and loser still have sex together. They communicate on Facebook, and in daily telephone texts/calls. I called Sac County CPS today to report child endangerment. CPS said its a police matter due to the R.O. I called Sac PD. Only got an answering machine. I finally on my own found their file a police report page. Found out the Sac PD wants me to do their job. For example, take a picture of loser’s car license plate while violating restraining order. Loser doesn’t own a car. Submit photos, etc., Sac PD won’t let me file a report without the number of the restraining order. Its like everything is built to make it impossible to report a domestic violence R.O. crime. Just tell me: Is it considered child endangerment? If not, she can just die with her child someday because the current governmental reporting system is built to do exactly that Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It seems like you are a very concerned person who is looking out for the best interest of your friend and her child. While there are limitations to what law enforcement and CPS can do in the moment, it may be beneficial for your friend to talk to someone outside of the situation. When you get a chance, have your friend give us a call at our 24-Hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 and we can work together on how best to free her from the shackles of her ex-boyfriend. You’re always welcome to call if you have questions, need help finding resources or just need to talk. We hope to hear from you soon. 

My mother lashed out at me and ripped some lights i had hanging up off the wall. The lights and some wood from my ceiling fell on me and i got really cut up but my mom just stormed out yelling she was leaving my family. Would that be considered abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am really sorry that you got hurt and I hope now you are doing better. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you.

What do I do when my abuser is here on my front sidewalk but says he just wants to say hi to my kid. and the police say he’s not doing anything wrong, which now is worse.. my doctor has been documenting it but still.. I’m scared to leave my house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how scary this must be for you. You may consider filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against him, as you have mentioned being scared to leave your house. They are free in the state of California and there are free workshops every Monday, Wednesday and Friday where they will help you fill out the paperwork. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do whatever you can to keep you and your child safe. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

Is putting a 9 years old on a motorcycle violating order of protection stating
“Refrain from endangering the kid” 

Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE and posting on our message board!

While it may seem like an easy answer, there are things to consider like does that particular kid have a history of riding motorcycles or a long-standing interest in them? Is this something that the kid regularly does or is it something totally new? These are important questions to consider since there are actually child safety seats made for babies – it’s all a matter of what risk means to that individual child. Also, there is no minimum age for motorcycle ridership in California, only that all passengers must have a “seat securely fastened to the machine at the rear of the driver and (be) provided with footrests.” You would probably have to assess what kind of risks were actually taken in order to make any official complaint, but since it was a stipulation in your custody agreement, if you felt that it was unsafe, you’re certainly within your rights to report it and let officials work out whether it violates your agreement. 

If you have any further questions on the matter or there’s anything else we can help you with, feel free to contact us on our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 – there’s always a live advocate there able to assist you. 

Can I report domestic violence that happened to me from my ex even after the relationship is over?

Thanks for sending us a message – hopefully we’re able to offer you the kind of guidance you’re looking for.

Like most criminal cases, time is usually of the essence when it comes to evidence and that sort of thing, but if there is a situation that you feel warrants a report to law enforcement, you could always call the non-emergency line for whatever jurisdiction you’re in or you could even file an online incident report. If you want help figuring out what jurisdiction you’re in or have any questions about the type of options open to you, call us on our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line (916) 920-2953, and one of our advocates will be happy to help you however they can! 

Am I being abused by my fiancé? I worry that he might be emotionally abusing me, but he makes it out like I’m the bad guy and I feel like I’m going crazy. He always tells me that my friends are horrible and how much he doesn’t like them…He won’t let me go anywhere without him because it’s “dangerous”. He yells at me if I don’t drive the way he wants me to or goes the direction he wants. I think he might be guilt tripping me a lot too…The few times I’ve directly told him no while he was guilt tripping me I’ve been yelled at. One time he told me he was going to buy me a gun and make me wear it. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable doing that and he continued to say how he was going to make me. When I finally told him no with a stern voice he yelled at me for making a scene in public. He hates it when I cry and will yell at me for it if he makes me cry, so I started going to the bathroom. He’ll follow me to the bathroom and yell at me for not telling him why I’m upset…he’ll scream at me and start naming all the bad things I’ve done. Sometimes he’ll even make stuff up. He often likes to tell me what I’m thinking and when I tell him that’s not what I’m thinking or what I meant he won’t believe me and will yell at me. He frequently punches walls, tables, fans, basically anything he can get his hands on when he’s mad. The few times we’ve had dogs he would literally beat the dogs if they did something that made him mad. One time he beat our German Sheppard with a power chord because it peed in the house. He says he’d never hurt a woman though, but he has slapped me a few times and told me it was because he was trying to calm me down because I was too worked up. I didn’t really see it as psychical abuse because my grandfather did it to me once. He’s only slapped me twice, but it hasn’t happened in a long time now. He’s also put a gun to my chest and the back of my head a few times when I’ve tried to stop him from killing himself. One day he told me I was ruining his life because I wouldn’t get a job… Meanwhile he had no job and wasn’t even applying anywhere. Now I have a job and he still isn’t applying anywhere or calling anywhere…He says he has anger issues and he just can’t help it, but after a bad fight he’ll usually come apologize and say he didn’t mean it. He can be the sweetest guy when he’s not yelling at me. He’ll call me the most beautiful girl and tell me how much he loves me, but it never stays like that…I just feel so depressed and lonely. He makes it out like I’m doing this to myself and that I’m just a negative Nancy, but I’m really questioning myself. I just want to know if he knows what he’s doing and is treating me like this on purpose or if he really just doesn’t have control, but wants to. (Edited for length) 

Thanks for reaching out when it seems like you have a lot on your plate. Typically we’d avoid making sweeping statements based on a simple message board post, but in our opinion everything you’re going through definitely sounds like abusive behavior.

All of the instances in which your fiancé does things to make you feel or seem crazy, then tries to blame on your behavior is called “gas lighting” and it appears as though he uses that often to make you unsure of whether or not you’re behaving appropriately. Also, even though it’s only happened on a handful of occasions, there is never an excuse for putting his hands on you, regardless of whether or not this is a tactic you’ve experienced before in your life. Even more alarming is your fiancé’s treatment of animals, because if they behave so aggressively towards another living thing, there’s little to keep them from turning that behavior on you and I think it goes without saying that holding a gun to you, no matter the circumstance, is a behavior that is inexcusable and makes us worry for your welfare, as well as his if he can become that unstable. We strongly encourage you to contact our confidential, 24/7 Support and Information Line so we can go over these things with you and perhaps do some safety planning and take care of your well-being. We’re totally non-judgmental and our only objective is to keep you safe. That number is (916) 920-2952 and we strongly encourage you to call us as soon as possible so we can discuss your situation and the most appropriate way to move forward for you, your partner and any other parties involved. Until then, be safe and take care of yourself – we’re only a phone call away! 

I have a restraining order against my husband, we own a mobile home, he moved out like 8 months ago and I have been making the checks under my name to pay for the space rent. This month they didn’t want to take my payment because they said that my husband is the main occupant and since he just went and told them he doesn’t live there anymore they can’t take my payment. Is this considered harassment? My kids don’t want me to report it if it’s consider harassment. Don’t know what to do

Hi, and thanks for taking the time to reach out to us with everything that’s going on.

It sounds like you went about things the correct way: getting a restraining order, getting the move-out order and continuing to pay the bills as usual. While it may have been helpful for the rental company to know about the situation beforehand, there are protections afforded to you because of the abuse, and the fact you did follow protocol will be helpful going forward. We thing the most useful thing for you to do would be to contact the Renter’s Helpline – they should have specific information as to how you should proceed, given your unique situation. The Renter’s Helpline phone number is: (916) 389-7877. Hopefully, they’ll have the exact information you’ll need. Also, feel free to call us on our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line where there’s always an advocate to speak with you and get you further resources. Our Support Line number is (916) 920-2952. 

Are boyfriends with charges of domestic violence allowed to move into girlfriend house with a small child not relative? 

What should I do?? 

Hi! Thanks for reaching out to us on the message board.

There are a number of factors that may effect how we’re able to answer this question. Typically, if the charges aren’t related to the girlfriend he’s moving in with and her child, there shouldn’t be a problem. If there’s a history or abuse with that girlfriend and/or that child, there could be an issue with both the law and CPS, as the expectation from CPS would be that you’re able to keep the child out of an abusive environment or witnessing that sort of thing. Also, if it’s a condition of that boyfriend’s parole or otherwise a stipulation on his record, that could be an issue. The best thing to do would be to contact the law enforcement agency where his charges stem from. Here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sheriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). As always, you can always call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss. That number is (916)920-2952. I hope we were able to at least answer some of your question, but don’t hesitate to reach out to one of our advocates for more clarity 

Is the safe house full?  Thanks for reaching out! It’s difficult to answer your question here, because that changes day to day, moment to moment. While one day we may be full, the next there could be three openings as people leave or transition on. The best way to get the most up to date information is to call us on our 24/7 Support Line at (916)920-2952. There’s always an advocate there to take your call and they will have the most up to date information about our Safehouse and its capacity.  
My partner and I have a 2 year old son together a house together have been together for 3 years and in that time he’s beat me down so much calling me a liar and a cheat saying our son wasn’t his I even paid for a private dna test to prove other wise it’s only when he gets really drunk he’s like this but it’s extreme he has stopped saying pour sons not his cause he know he is his but we had a fight 3months ago and kicked me and my 2 year old out at 2am he was very aggressive at this point but he spent a few days drinking sending a few threats about custody and then backed down saying we’d discuss it see what suited me it’s like you could see him sober up without actually seeing him he spent 2months of the drink and decided one night a few weeks ago he was going out with the lad out of the blue and I just thought it’s only a matter of time and I was right we both know neither of us are happy so why is it so hard for me just to pack up and walk away a few years ago I wouldn’t dare let any one treat me like this I know it’s wrong like he is lovely someone’s times but when he’s drunk he’s horrible and I would hate my son to turn out the same way so why is it so hard to just let go and move on from someone so cruel.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are very sorry you’re going through this and although it seems overwhelming, reaching out to WEAVE is a really good start. No one deserves that kind of treatment from anyone, especially from an intimate partner. To better understand and help guide you through your situation, we would encourage you to call one of our advocates on our Support and Information Line. It is available 24/7 and there is always a live advocate there to assist you and it can even be confidential if you like! Please feel free to give us a call at (916)920-2952. We are here to help you in any way that we can. We wish the best for you and hope to hear from you soon.

Please I’m asking for help not so much of myself I only have a few scrapes and possibly braces but I’m fine I’ve been through worse when I’m mostly worried about is my boyfriend’s mood and how it’s been up-and-down lately and I figured out why after reading his taxes I was pretty calm but he wasn’t as I was reading them again getting violent I don’t want the police involved I don’t want to go through court again I just want to leave I won’t know how to get him to leave so that he’ll be safe if he can go on with his life and please let me go on with mine every time they go he means to get it he manages to get a lawyer which I can’t afford I’m the person with the brain injury so I was look like I’m lying in its immediate both people go to jail which is my biggest fear because of medications that I’m on for a TBI I’m not even upset at what I wrote I’m upset at While I was reading it maybe I didn’t have a ride but I had a bad guy and I was right about most of what I read all I wanted him with do was to be honest and he can’t buy means that we’re not meant to be together and I want to leave and move on with my life it’s been nothing but trouble since I’ve been here and it was a mistake moving back here please help. Please help He controls everything as I am trying to put in my phone number right now and he will prevent me from doing everything and everything just to control my life and you read a psychopath use the exact example of it and then the other path I think he is the nicest person in the world I am confused and I don’t know what to believe but I don’t know what I just read and he is a complete liar I want nothing to do with him and I want him out of my life. 

We’re sorry you’re going through so much right now. It certainly seems overwhelming, but reaching out to WEAVE was an awesome start and shows how strong and resilient you are. Keep up that strength and we’ll do whatever we can to help you get safe, get healthy and be free.

I’m sorry your boyfriend is having such a tough time, but nothing gives him, or anyone else, the right to hit or abuse you. People go through terribly difficult stuff everywhere, everyday, but they manage not to hurt someone else, so please know you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

There are several options and possibilities for where we could go from here, whether that be finding you a safe, stable place to stay, perhaps getting a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against your boyfriend (they’re free in the state of California!) or just discussing what you would like your next step to be – this is the moment you get to start taking back control of your life! To better understand your situation and to start helping you do whatever it is you decide to do, it would be best to call one of our advocates on the Support and Information Line. It’s available 24/7, there’s always a live advocate there to assist you and it can even be confidential if you like! Give us a call at (916)920-2952 and let’s get started on whatever and wherever you’d like to go from here! We’ll look forward to hearing from you. Until then, be safe and stay strong! 

I have a son with my boyfriend he’s almost a year old and I don’t want to leave my boyfriend because I want our family together but I can’t do it. He fights with me all the time. Always puts me down. We live together. I just don’t know how to leave.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. This must be extremely frustrating and scary for you. We would encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an advocate. The advocate can help provide you with referrals to resources you may find helpful, including shelter and housing, group/individual counseling and legal support. We are here to support you in any way that we can. 

I’m pretty sure my husband’s trying to kill me and then make it look like anything but murder…the gas lighting is over the top…He belongs to a group of business men who have their own way of…looking victorious in court with no alimony to pay…I moved away from him in 2014. I let the cat out of the bag and it only turned up the heat…1,000%. He’s ruined my credit. I had impeccable credit for over 30 years. You’d be shocked at the lengths this man will go to not have to pay me a dime after 29 yrs…he kept a few boxes of sodium chloride in syringes. And other things. I also found adrenaline in liquid form in tiny vile. My feet are so swollen and I have a rash and he is going to walk in here any minute…He gets money from VA and county but he hides it from me. He told me to go say I’m crazy and get money too. I don’t have health insurance. In 2013 or 14. He accidentally poisoned people at his job with drain opener he got from a plumber in small amount. We didn’t have any clogged drains at the time. In 1997 he was arrested for solicitation for murder…I sat through the most painful court trial. He was given lesser charges. I was never apologized. He is a car salesman/manager 48 yrs in the business he knows a ton of shady people. I’m scared… I have so many pets… he says he won’t leave. What do I do? I moved here and have no friends. He chased my friend off who helped me with my rescued animals. I have no income right now. My husband made way more money and he hides his money with guys in same business. I have to get away because he will kill me or get me in some legal trouble I feel him getting more and more desperate every day.  Please help me. (Edited for length.) 

Wow, there’s a lot to unpack there. We hope you’re keeping safe and out of any shenanigans your husband may be trying to stir up involving you. We have so many questions for you: how are you feeling with your living situation? What would be the ideal living situation for you? Do you think you’d be able to stay safe in a Safehouse or shelter here in Sacramento or would you prefer to move back to SoCal where you’re originally from? Is a restraining order a possibility or would your husband treat it like just another piece of paper? With all the questions and possibilities at hand, we strongly urge you contact one of our advocates at our confidential 24/7 Support Line. They will be able to answer your questions and go more in depth about the possibilities that are available, as well as do some much needed safety planning. Your welfare is our primary interest and we hope you’ll find the time to call us soon at (916)524-7202. Until we speak, please be safe and do everything you can to stay safe, stay sane and stay focused – there is a light at the end of this tunnel, as long as we work together to traverse the darkness.
How am I supposed to react when I see my ex-abusive partner in public or yucking it up with his new girlfriend that he’s told, I’m unstable! I’m avoiding him but for now we live in the same area. I want to scream, you fucker if I see him. I want to ask his girlfriend if he’s told her he has herpes yet!
I really need help knowing how to react to seeing someone I thought loved me treat me like a pile of human garbage to get ride of me and is rationalizing and minimizing the whole relationship that lasted years and his family says”Well you stayed!” 

We understand your pain and we’re glad you’re reached out to us before causing a scene out in public! With ex-partners that were abusive, it’s pretty safe to assume that they’re going to lie about you and your relationship, as the truth would only make them look terrible and his family was probably never going to be much of an ally of yours, considering they probably are obligated to support their own relative and while we wish our EXs would vanish into thin air or move to Inner Mongolia when our relationship is over, that’s just not a realistic goal in life or any way to deal with the trauma and issues they’ve left us with. The good news is that while you’ve had all these negative thoughts and impulses towards your Ex, you’ve never acted on them, which already shows that you are a more evolved individual. While we can never make things that have transpired all puppy dogs and rainbows, there are resources here at WEAVE that can help you create some really effective coping mechanisms and help you gain perspective on the relationship so that the only validation you need is your own. Call us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line, and an advocate will be happy to start you on that process and will even help you take the healing process further if you want. Advocates are always there for you when you need them, however you need them, so call (916) 920-2952 and let’s talk it out so you won’t have to scream it out later! 

Where do I get real help to get away from my abusers if the police don’t do anything no one listens and the shelter said they would help and do all of these things to ensure me and my daughter’s safety yet he is still abusing me and has now taken my children? I’ve reached out so very far what do I do?

Please please where do I look to help he’s gonna kill me he already has taking everything and beating me into the ground so far emotionally he is a physiological murder please help me before I die

I’m sorry things have gotten so dire at home, but we’re glad you found the time to reach out to us. 

While there are limitations to what law enforcement can do in the moment, one surefire way to ensure your safety, or at very least give law enforcement the power to intervene, would be to obtain a Domestic Violence Restraining Order at the Family Courthouse. They are free in the state of California, there are free workshops every Monday, Wednesday and Friday where they will help you fill out the paperwork and within the paperwork you can request things like a “move out” order for the perpetrator, financial assistance, include other effected family members and a number of other things, plus if there are any future issues with the abuser, the restraining order would show law enforcement that there is a history of issues and a solid reason that person should not be near you, let alone harming you. For more information on this and other ways to safety plan and assist you through your ordeal, call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at (916) 920-2952 and one of our advocates can help you and get whatever information or resources you need. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do whatever you can to stay safe, In the event he does get violent again, call 911 – they may not have been able to give you the help you needed before, but they’re still the best folks to keep you safe and keep things from escalating further. We wish the best for you and hope to hear from you soon.

My husband is a mental abuser. He plays head games, and dangerous if he doesn’t get what he wants. There has been no separation, or divorce papers filed. He has cut off money to help support the household. He buys what he wants to eat and nothing else. We have 4 small dogs, one with a heart condition and on an exspensive medication, he will not help feed them or care for them. He feels this is a way to control me. Would I be in trouble if I sold some of our household items to get the money for these things? Please help!  I need to get out, but only recieve a small amount of Social Security, and could never support our animals, or myself on it.

We’re so sorry you have to endure all this on your own, but glad that you’ve reached out so that perhaps we could help support you and offer you the assistance and resources you need to get back to living life without fear and on your own terms.

There are many possible options and steps that we could take to help make sure you are able to take care of yourself, your pets and not be at the mercy of your husband’s whims or greed. While your belongings are shared and the State of California has very specific rules when it comes to property held within a marriage, it may be best to discuss the legal specifics of that with someone in our legal department so that you don’t do anything that could potentially reflect negatively upon you somewhere down the road. 

Also, the sum, however small, you get from Social Security should never be the obstacle that stands in the way of your happiness. There are a variety of resources and possibilities available to us, we just need to figure out which would best serve you. Because there are a few different directions we could go, it’s probably best that you call our 24-hour Support Line and discuss those options with one of our advocates. The number is (916) 920-2952 and advocates will be there to take your call, no matter what time of day you’re able to make it. They will have the resources to help both you, and the furry members of your family. Also, they can help hook you up with our legal line for your other questions. Sometimes the hardest part is reaching out for help, but now that you have, hopefully we can continue this journey together and get you the help and services you need. We look forward to hearing from you…

It’s been almost 3 years that I transitioned from a victim to a survivor. About 7 months ago I started a new relationship with a friend/ precious lover. It’s not been easy bc I have a daughter with my abusive ex, but nonetheless, my bf has been here for me. Sometimes I fall into my dark past. How do other survivors move on and care for a new partner when the past can be so dark and consuming?  Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so happy to hear you are no longer in an abusive relationship and you are now a survivor. We also applaud you for recognizing that sometimes you still deal with the “dark past” which can be trauma, especially if you are sharing custody with your abusive ex, your trauma can be triggered at times. We are happy to hear that you have a supportive partner now who respects you. Trauma can last for a long time or even when you are in a new romantic relationship and it can be hard to navigate if you don’t have the right tools and support. One of those tools can be counseling, did you receive counseling after you left your abusive ex? If you did or not, it’s never too late to start counseling services again.  Here at WEAVE we offer counseling services to survivors of domestic violence, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about our counseling services.

Hello I don’t have a phone right now because he took it so this is the only way I able to contact you. I’m in a terrible situation and I’m on permanent disability. I need to find myself some shelter because I have no place to go because of my domestic situation. I need to get out asap. So can I or do you have anything available for me to go for a while or cheap housing available because I’m on limited income. I’m want to file for a divorce my life is a mess and I need help. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you are experiencing this with your husband. Please know that if it gets to the point that your life is in danger you can and should contact law enforcement. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. We understand you would like us to reach out to you through your email, but due to confidentially issues we can’t. Do you have any neighbors or friends that might let you use their phone in order to call out?

We would love to talk to you, please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and keep you safe.

My ex cut his arm in a threat to get back with me. He admitted himself to the ER and told police I did it. I have messages of him threading to harm himself and a picture he sent to me after he did it. Am I liable or can I get into any trouble for this?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing blackmailing from him in order to get back with you. Has he filed a police report naming you the abuser? Unfortunately, without more information it’s hard to provide you with a correct answer. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you would like to talk to an advocate about what you are experiencing or get connected to resources. If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944.

I’m worried that my ex, who was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive towards me, is doing things to his current girlfriend in front of our five year old daughter. What are the signs to watch out for? I know that his girlfriend is no longer living with him and I’m worried that he may be psychologically abusive towards our daughter or her 13 year old half sister.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You might also want to contact your local Police Department and ask for a welfare check if you suspect abuse. It may be beneficial to speak with one of advocates who may help support you and give you guidance. Our 24/7 Support and Information Line is 916-920-2952.

Hi, I have two children with my ex boyfriend. He’s never actually hit me but has always had a terrible temper and been very degrading. I wonder if he has a psychiatric issue that causes such violent mood swings. I have sole custody of the children but I do let him visit; this week he was a no show and when I called he flipped out. He always says that wishing something bad would happen to me isn’t wrong, so I don’t even know if this constitutes abuse? So an example from this episode: cussing me out, calling me a b, c, hoping I get hit by a car, saying he will get someone to beat the s*** out of me, etc. (And this is tame compared to what he usually says when he’s angry) Unfortunately I’m used to it, but it’s just getting to the point where I wonder if text messages are enough to get a restraining order? He never uses the phone to avoid making “threats” and says texts can’t be used against him, so I feel like I’m stuck dealing with this for the rest of my life…

With everything going on in your life, thanks for reaching out for help – it’s a step many find is one of the hardest to take, but now that you have, we’re here to help provide you with help however we can.

There are many forms of abuse other than physical and just because they don’t leave scars on the outside, doesn’t mean that they are any less serious or deserve less attention. No one deserves to be spoken to the way you have been, psychiatric issues or not, and you deserve the ability to live your life as you wish, without shame or degradation and with the respect due to all of us as human beings. Also, I’m sure the last thing you want is for your kids to see that as an example of how people should treat one another. You don’t have to feel stuck. From talking to you about how the things said  make you feel to assistance in filing a restraining order and the support to get through the subsequent hearing, there are advocates and resources that can be there to support you all along the way. When you get a chance, call us at (916) 920-2952 and we can work together on how best to free you from the shackles of your ex-boyfriend’s abuse. That phone number is to our 24-Hour Support Line and you’re always welcome to call if you have questions, need help finding resources or just need to talk. We hope to hear from you soon.

My boy lives in with me and is very abusive I filed a police report today and the police told me I could get a protection order but I had to give him an eviction notice to leave what can i do to get him out now We are so sorry that you are having to experience this and want you to know we are here for you. Thank you for reaching out for help and know that you are very brave in making this step toward safety for yourself. In order to remain safe, I would suggest requesting an order of protection as well as having a civil standby from law enforcement should you choose to serve an eviction notice. While I am not aware of the specifics of the law regarding evictions or what you can do immediately, we have a legal department here at WEAVE that you can call to ask the specifics regarding this situation. Please feel free to give our 24-hour support and information line a call as well where you can speak to a peer counselor any time for support. Our legal department’s voicemail is (916) 319-4944 and our support line number is (916) 920-2952.

How do I make a call on my abuser who I know has a warrant and he just ran into me and I’m pregnant and he kicked me in the stomach

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry that you experienced this. We know it must’ve been scary for you. Please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue and give you some guidance on how to safely go about making that report.

My wife is controlling to the extent of postulant superiority. As a result, she is verbally and physically abusive at times in order to get what she wants. Knowing I am physically superior, could face criminal consequence in relation, and will refrain from returning her gestures of abusive control. The physical abuse is not my main concern, as gestures of self-defense (Clearly but debatable not an offensive positioning to strike or inflict damage) in response are often seen as forceful and will end the attack. But her verbal abuse extends to using our children as weapons against me. She even calls them names, communicates her desire to want to kill in general as a result of their insolence. Often screaming, cursing, and making gestures of physical attack in my direction. She also tells them things that are offensive and untruthful just to hurt me. But in reality her words are detrimental to the children’s well-being, happiness, and sense of security. She has even threatened to end my life by personally killing me herself, having me killed, or the suggestion that my life will soon be ending while I sleep. I have recorded many of these conversations and she knows it. It makes her irate. Most likely because she realizes that what she is doing is wrong and she lacks the control to stop.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you and your children. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Based on what you shared it seems you are in a domestic violence marriage and it should be taken very seriously, since your life and your children’s life’s can be in danger. It seems that your wife might have anger problems and an outburst can have terrible consequences. There are several things for you to consider, in case you want to leave the marriage and/or you want to stay and we would like to talk to you about them. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you would like to talk to an advocate about what you are experiencing or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services as well.

My ex fiancé has been abusive in every way. When I was at work he emptied out our apartment, threw all my things away, changed the locks and subletted to someone (I wasn’t allowed on lease). He took off with our 2 children (both under 4), filed a totally false restraining order for the 2nd time and has friends actively trying to kill me. I got my kids back and was living in my car with them but I ran out of gas and because the tags were expired the police impounded it. The car is registered to my ex and he would get it out or any of the few belongings I had in there, even when I offered to pay. I am on the streets, he has our babies. He got my cal works and snap canceled saying the kids don’t live with me. He told me he isn’t going to let me see our children anymore. I can’t let him take my babies away. He has said many times he never wanted them, is cruel and ignores them. He does drugs and so do the people he lives with. I have no money, clothes, shoes that fit or and id or way to get anywhere. What can I do to get my babies back and us safe?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have lost your housing and your children; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your children.

I was wondering if my boyfriend has a no violent contact order with me, if he only makes me take my shirt and shoes off and has his fist in the air is that considered violent contact. Does the judge have to place a no contact order on us?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, however, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  If you would like to talk to an advocate about your relationship and find out if you are in fact in a domestic violence relationship, please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

If a couple were in the shelter system, left out, then got a dv case, but it eventually was dismissed, can they enter back into the nyc family shelter system

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am not sure how the NYC family system operates and what their rules and regulations are pertaining to a dismissed domestic violence case. If you would like to receive information about resources in the NYC area, please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue.

I have been left homeless by my younger sister after moving from N.J. to ca to be with her and have a better life! I’ve been in shelters in nursing home right now but have to leave I’ve blocked my sister from torturing text messages! She promised me help then reneges! Her husband who is a dr 25 yrs older than her keeps her away from me and then she attacks me more! I’ve been physically and mentally sick to the point of almost killing myself! I want my belongings she took from me and help with the housing she promised! I have an income and looking for a job but you can’t do that in a nursing home! If I don’t get out pretty soon they will take all my money and my life is already bad but then it will

Be over! She even texted me the obituary of the molester that abused me and another sister when we were kids she is going to kill me mentally if I don’t get help!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this with your sister; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. We would encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an advocate. The advocate can help provide you with referrals to resources you may find helpful, including shelter and housing and group/individual counseling. To find out more about our counseling services, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Ive been trying to leave my abusive relationship but Everytime I call the police this is my third time I have taken him to court to get full custody of my kids they let him go I’m scared and I don’t know if I’ll ever be free?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. This must be extremely frustrating for you. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I am trying to finish school and my husband physically hurts me. I literally have two semesters left and I am almost 50 years old. Tonight he grabbed me by my neck and pushed me down he threw dog toys at me from the upstairs hitting me in the head my question is if I go to the hospital do they contact the police?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you experienced this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Medical professionals are court mandated reporters so it is up to their discretion as to whether or not they would report the abuse to law enforcement, depending on the severity. As WEAVE Advocates, we can also be there with you in the hospital or during a law enforcement interview to provide you emotional support. We would also encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

How can I get help with housing? I’ve lost everything

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced losing everything; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. If the reason you have lost everything is related to domestic violence we might be able to assist you. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.

My boyfriend’s brother is very abusive when he doesnt get his way or doesnt like how someone responds to his behavior. Yesterday he choked me and i filed a report with the police. I asked about if i can file a pfa against him and they told me to call a hotline for womens abuse or whatever. I called this morning and they didnt give me any information. I would like to know if i can file a pfa against him. I live with my boyfriend, his brother, and his mother but we are moving out on monday due to the way his brother is and the fact that his mom does nothing to help she just takes his side.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you experienced this and we want to do everything we can to help you. There is legal help at Family Justice Center at 3701 Power Inn Rd inside Sacramento County Child Support Building Monday-Friday, 9 AM -12 Noon and 1 PM -4:30 PM. There is also help available at the Victims of Crime Resource Center at McGeorge School of Law and their number is 800-VICTIMS. Both organizations help service victims of crime. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to more resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex got a SOP, his family is friends with the judge. She recused herself after the ruling. Our case has been transferred. He asaulted me and my 4 yr old. We moved to a different city. The order states I have to move back, but the state is prosecuting him we found out after the ruling. I won’t move back, I’m terrified of him. What can I do to protect my child and myself from being in contempt.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We understand that this must be a very difficult time and hard to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. We are very sorry you are going through this. Have you and your daughter been seen by medical to make sure you guys are okay?  Weave has many services and if you are located in Sacramento WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. There is also help at the Family Justice Center at 3701 Power Inn Rd inside Sacramento County Child Support Building Monday-Friday, 9 AM -12 Noon and 1 PM -4:30 PM. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952 so that we can try to get more information on the situation and if you are not in Sacramento we can still provide support and referrals.

What happens if the victim of a domestic violence case refuses to tell the police their version of the story? My girlfriend and I got into a verbal argument that got physical. She hit me in the face the first time 30 mins prior to the 911 call. After the first hit she hit me again in the chest and out of instinct I hit her back on the arm. She freaked out and called 911. She talked to someone for a few seconds then continued to argue with me. I ended up walking away from it all and she hung up the phone and drove away. Days later while I’m at work the police stop by the house and talk to her about the incident. She told them the truth of what had happened and how she hit me first and where she hit me. She also told them how I struck her back in the arm. Now the police want to talk to me. I’ve never had a DV before either. Whatever happens I can’t afford to somehow get myself in trouble by not cooperating. Can I get in trouble if I refuse to talk to police when in her version of the story I’m the victim? What are my options here? [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your girlfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling. On the other note, since you are asking legal questions, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Does domestic violence only pertain to husband or boyfriends? Can it be a room mate and her boyfriend/brother? I am being mentally abused by her and her brother came at me in a jealous rage. He did not make contact with me but was enough to make me afraid for me and my girls. we need to get out as soon as possible but don’t have the means to do so. She wants us out in 3 weeks and I think her brother will get physical if I cant leave. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Domestic violence is not an issue that only occurs within personal/romantic relationships, it can occur between family and community members. We refer to violence that occurs within a romantic relationship as “Intimate Partner Violence”. It sounds like you are in a very volatile situation that is no longer safe for you, and we think you should call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so we can assess your situation further and provide you with resources to help you get out of this situation. It is not ok for someone to be intimidating you, and making you and your family feel unsafe. 

What services do you provide to victims who have been in situations of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing? Do you have people who come out who know sign language? Do they understand Deaf culture? Or do you call out to interpreting services? 

I am writing a paper for my Deaf Studies class at Sacramento State. I am interested as a Hard of Hearing person there is already a break down in communication with that in mind a traumatic experience like domestic violence or sexual assault and deepens the issue. Many Deaf people have issues because there is not a lot of counselors or trained professionals who know ASL. Thus having to have interpreter the Deaf person loses that one on one connection with the counselor because they have to be focused on the counselor. Also, noting that if the counselor either talks to fast or uses terms that the interpreter may not understand the also weakens the communication bond. I am interested to know how your organization helps people who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing? X
 

Thanks for your great question! All of our services and programs are available to survivors and community members who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing, and WEAVE is working to increase provision of services to survivors with access barriers, including Deaf and Hard of Hearing survivors. We have improved our staff and volunteer training opportunities related to serving survivors with disabilities, and have created an Access Advocate and Counselor position to focus on improving survivor access, providing training, and building community partnerships with agencies that serve people with access needs.  

For our counseling, residential, and advocacy programs, our best practice method is to have in-person sign language interpretation in the survivor’s preferred language for any service we provide to Deaf or Hard of Hearing survivors. We have contracts with accredited interpretation services for this purpose. Unfortunately, we don’t currently have any employees who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing or who are proficient in sign language. We have been working to develop a partnership with NorCal Services for Deaf and Hard of Hearing to provide culturally-based support to Deaf or Hard of Hearing survivors who access our services. NorCal has an awesome program called DeafSAFE in which they employ Deaf or Hard of Hearing advocates who are trained in providing support to survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and sex trafficking from the perspective of someone within the Deaf and Hard of Hearing community. 

Our Community Education program asks about accessibility needs for the audience when we do presentations in the community, and are happy to provide accommodations so that everyone has access to our information. We’re working on getting subtitled ASL video versions of many of our frequently used documents and informational handouts to put on our website or use during in-person meetings so that they will be available in the most accessible format for those who use ASL or prefer reading captions. We can also provide in-person interpretation services during our presentations if requested.

WEAVE hopes to continue to improve access to services and increase culturally-competent, trauma-informed, survivor-centered services available to all people living in Sacramento County. X

I’m realizing I’m trauma bonded. Even though we are living far apart it’s affected me physical mentally and today for the third time I had symptoms of a heart attack. I’m embarrassed. My community doesn’t have this resource I’m too ashamed to ask for help, I’m just now realizing ….where do I begin?

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced this. We can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial to speak with one of our advocates through our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. We also offer a Free WEAVE Triage Assessments for counseling available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My husband has grabbed me and thrown me to the ground during an argument – three separate times. Does this constitute as abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Based on what you shared it sounds like you have experienced domestic violence with your husband. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

Can my mother keep me away from my father’s funeral if she is the one who was no contact? My wife and kids were the victims not me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can reached my adult children to stop the alienation coming from my ex-husband. We have been divorce for about 12 yeas now. The abuse was horrific. During our marriage he would do or say things to have the children see me as less than him. When I finally woke up , I decided to make the divorce as adaptable for my children as I could. This meant not speaking negatively about their father. My 2 older children were adults they expressed support for me at first. Then their father got involved with it they would not even call me regularly. I thought well all my children are grown maybe I would share with them but that wont do nothing but cause more hurt. So is there something I can do to get them to see their actions may look like they are supporting their dad but they are really cooperating with their dad to continue abuses me maybe not to the same extend in the marriage but definitely a psychological. I wont never get to relive my son wedding be able to see him walk through the door cause I was all the way in the back or dance with his wife. But at least maybe there is something I can do to stop my ex from causing me to miss out on other happy event [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are so sorry that you are still experiencing that form of abuse with your ex-husband, we can only imagine how upsetting it must still be for you. Based on what you shared, it seems that your ex-husband might have brainwashed your children as well. You have done everything right it seems, since you are being the bigger person. Unfortunately, he continues to hurt you and harm you even though you are divorced. Unfortunately, your children can make decisions on their own since they are adults, in case you would want to share the abuse you suffered with their father. But it is your story and it is your decision. If you don’t want to divulge such abuse, you could also ask to speak to them in person and let them know you are hurt by their actions and you would like to be part of their families. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.

my son is located in Rancho Cordova, california, as far as I know… I was kicked out of our home with no income or employment. i have been living in my car… my sons dad and I had agreed on him working while I prepared our son for school and started school for myself. we were never married but we were engaged and had a marriage license. things just fell apart. I struggle with depression, and anxiety and PTSD due alot in part to this entire situation, but also 2 years ago my mom died and I was a wreck. The first thing my ex said was “oh great now shes gonna cause problems with us”

He was insensitive about the entire situation, my mom was my best friend and my son loved her so much. I got no support from him and it didnt take long before he complained that I wasnt tryna putting any effort into our relationship because I never wanted to go out to dinner, I had really no interest in anything anymore because of my depression. Everything has been snowballing for me ever since then. I lost my job. Got evicted. Moved back in with my ex with an agreement (oral, not written) that we would work together on our relationship with professional help. But he never followed through with his side of the agreement, he didnt add my name to our new lease, then he got me kicked out. Immediatel following my leaving our apartment, my dad who still stayed there told me that my ex had a new girlfriend and she was staying there at night already

That’s where I’m stuck now…I am at a point where I need an attorney to represent me by may 15th, I need help to get through the emotional damage the last 2 years have caused me. And I need to prove that I deserve to be in my sons life whether I am employed or not. He has the advantage and that’s mostly money related.. please help [Content edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your concerns. We understand that this must be very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. There is also help at the Family Justice Center at 3701 Power Inn Rd inside Sacramento County Child Support Building Monday-Friday, 9 AM -12 Noon and 1 PM -4:30 PM. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue and also get you connected to counseling services. To find out more about our counseling services, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

DV escapee. I’m out and safe however, now I need to take care of my mail. I can’t forward it because he will get notified of the change when the post office sends confirmation to the house. I currently have it on hold to allow time to figure this out. I don’t know how much they cost but a PO might not be an option due to lack of funds. What do I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand how upsetting and scary this situation must be for you and we want to do everything we can to support you. There is a program called “Safe at Home” that may be of help to you, it provides people with a safe PO Box where they can retrieve their mail. To get more information about this program, please call our business line and speak to reception at 916.448.2321. And if you need any more support or resources, do not hesitate to call 916.920.2952 to speak to crisis counselors. We are here for you. 
I am trying to learn why such loyalty to my husband to the point I’m trying to tell my adult son about my husbands abuse and he tells my husband what I say. My husband use to scream and yell and say things out loud that weren’t true but it would run me off I left my son there because he was in high school and already had changed schools twice. Plus I didn’t suspect my husband of being gay or bisexual at that time but I see signs of it now. 
It appears my husband not his father has too much control over my son. My husband once a year goes to see his own son who live an hour away. Something not right here. I know my husbands a narcissist but so is my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your marriage. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My domestic partner picked me up and held me against a wall, because “I pushed him to the limits” and that “I made him have to restrain me to make me FINALLY listen” because, I went to my workout room to… tah dah… workout to try to make sense of what emotions I was feeling and why I felt so strongly. He pinned me up against the wall, a struggle ensued, and I got out of the room to get my phone. There were angry and defensive words exchanged he took my phone told me that, “I had no receipt for it, so it wasn’t mine”(this is the third phone he offered and did replaced because he destroyed out of outbursts like this), and proceeded to destroy it and my SIM card (for the service I pay for). He told me to get out of HIS house. I would have to wake neighbors up in the middle of the night in order to use a phone and leave my dogs with him. I was not willing to put my dogs in danger, so I refused to leave. He got physical again. This time, he knocked and held me down on the ground with his whole body on top of mine as I went into the master bathroom to gather some things for work in order to have some sort of contingency plan in case he opened the door for the dogs to run out to get me out of the house long enough to change the door code (we have a code that he puts in place instead of keys). He told me “I was luck that he didn’t smack the shit out of me. I was nothing but a stupid cunt.,” and, yet again, “I make him restrain me”(He records certain instances to try to make a case work out in his favor if I were to ever go the the police). What should I do? I only have a couple of fresh bruises and scrapes on me elbow, upper arm, and knuckle from him holding me down. I have a trusted person that has pictures from the last time he drank too much and poured a bottle of whiskey over me, while holding me down, and choked me out. I had to go to the doctor the next morning and covered for how I got the injuries, but they were confirmed in a report. They were so severe that I had to miss work for almost two weeks. Once again, I did not report either of these things, but he is kicking me out. I have already pre paid for next month, but he said I had no proof because I’ve paid him everything in cash. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence. That is no easy task and takes immense courage. Disclosing such personal information can be extremely scary. We would recommend that you report those incidents of abuse to law enforcement, as it would provide documentation of his behavior. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. We would also encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

Hello I’m a Women Female since Yeats
Abuse this Husband cant and don’t will
Stop Holding me Here aganced Not my will I’m Not here with my Free will He thinks he got the right to great me like 
Shit he is mental and insulting don’t let me go

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you, as well as going over safety planning.

My husband and I have been together a total of 3 years, in January we split up for a weekend and I invited a friend over, well my expectations we to watch a movie but when I went to the bathroom he got naked in my bedroom, then my husband Face Timed me and saw a shadow and I told this friend to leave, don’t answer to me or call me anymore it won’t be me it will be a set up. He ask if we can talk I’m like yes I’ll meet u so he gets in my car we’re talking he said let’s just go home so on my way there he pulls the gun out and says take me to this man’s house. I have no idea where he lives and he’s blocked my number so he tells me to find him in Snapchat. When he comes over my husband want me to give him a hug make sure he had no gun and invite him upstairs so was compliant then he comes in the room pulls the gun, tells him to strip, beats him with a mouse bottle, a metal bottle of glass cleaner and the victim’s own belt. Meanwhile he has me record everything then I calmed him down after an hour and tell him let’s let him go home it’s done I won. A week went by I couldn’t go in my room I barely slept and my husband and his ex were calling my job he posted x rated videos of him and I on the internet and was giving my phone number out. So I left work called the police they took pictures of all the bruises on me. My room with blood in it and then I felt bad cause I love third man, I wasn’t supposed to call the police on him. I just feel like this is the only way I can help him. Was I wrong to call the police and get him arrested? [edited for length and content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your marriage and the other man.

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking since it seems the other man was a victim of you and your husband. If that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

My sister in law began dating a married man who is separated, but is now divorced from his 2nd wife. The SIL has let him, his 10 yr old son from a 2nd marriage, all their stuff and dogs, move in with her and her 21 yrs old daughter. So, I met this new BF 1 time and he mistook me for my SIL’s BOYFRIEND and JEEZ, did his jealous temper come to the surface. After the SIL calmed him down, things quieted down. I suspected that her new BF “had a past.” So I checked with my law enforcement contacts…. that revealed that the BF had attacked his 1st wife, 10 yrs ago with a crowbar, injuring her arm. The 1st wife, finally made the call, and the husband was arrested, jailed and legally punished. Drugs and alcohol and temper were behind all of this.  I told my wife about what I learned and she and I are very concerned but reluctant to tell the SIL/sister about any of it. We fear, she will not believe us, take up for the BF, confront her new live- in BF with it and that could backfire in a bad way for the SIL and her 21 yr old daughter and that he’ll melt down and….. this bad boy may show up pissed, with his crowbar at our front door. Give me some advice here [edited for length].

We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a family member to see your sister-in law getting in unhealthy relationships with men that have a violent or questionable past. It’s difficult to know if she knows about his past and if she is afraid to tell you guys. While we understand why you would want to give her this information, it might not be best since, like you yourself said it could backfire. But we also understand you want to avoid heartache and possibly violence for your sister in law and her daughter. Either way you have to be extremely cautious, perhaps you and your wife can invite her over and let her know you are there for her if anything were to happen, maybe she will confide on you both and tell you if anything has already happened or if she is afraid. We would be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I have been married to my husband 10 years and we were girlfriend boyfriend 10years. He has cheated on me 2x that I know of during our marriage. And blamed me for it. He gets mad at me for not being entertaining enough. He calls me boring lame request me to change my work schedule so he can get sleep. We have 2 kids. The last 2 days he’s been insulting over and over even. He’s been trying to be a better person but when I don’t do something he expects he gets mad. I told him I wanted a break so I can think about how to be better people. He just sleeps at the house he has an “office” he gets ready and has his clothing. Ugh I feel like I’m doing right thing and breaking it off or giving distance yet I feel torned perhaps because he told me I’m breaking up the family it’s me. But when he gets mad he leaves and doesn’t come home toll the next day. I’m rambling. I know I’m not perfect yet I feel distraught. I feel like it verbal and emotional abuse. He’s threaten to hurt me if I date one of his friends ugh need validation.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management.

I came to Australia and i came to know that my husband has autism which is very seviour even when i m talking to him he doesn’t respond like he us in his own world and his mother is bringing it all on me she thinks that i m making this stuff up she has been shouting on me and stopping me from going out i dont know what do i do because my family is not being supportive at all

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this must be very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner or family member. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

legally, if you have video evidence of what happens when a woman is abusing a guy and trying to get physically violent and making threats, are they then allowed to start fighting back just to stop her? or would the whole ‘guys can’t hit girls for ANY reason’ bias still screw them legally speaking?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It never okay for anyone to physically assault another person, regardless if they are male or female. You may choose to report those incidents along with the video to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this person’s behavior in the event it happens again. You can also call our 24-hour Support and Information line to speak with an advocate to discuss other options and resources that may be helpful. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. We are here to support you in any way that we can.

What do you do when your disable girlfriend tries to use you in order to move under domestic family violence. If your girlfriend trying to use her disability against my will.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this must be very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. It is never okay for anyone to do anything against your will, or without your consent. Without knowing the full extent of the situation, it is difficult for us to provide you with specific support, but we would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you. 

I feel like I have waited way too long… My ex was abusive our entire relationship ( 5 yrs) in every category. We have an almost 5 year old who I stayed at home with up until recently. I had a job for about a year in 2016 but my ex hated the idea.. he bullied me a lot using threats of abandoning me or aggressive intimidation. He has been physical with me on 3 separate occasions and I used self defense each time. +I’m desperate.. i have no family and no friends, i live in my car, i don’t want to look like I’m trying to play the blame game to get my son back, i already look bad in comparison to him, he took all my belongings and threw them in the trash and i have photos of that and of my wounds after the last incident of violence. I’m dealing with a lot of loss and confusion and fear and not seeing my son or talking to him has been slowly killing me… my ex is now refusing to let us stay in contact in any form and is using him as a sort of “pawn” in this. i don’t know where ot start and the fear of losing my son due to my lack of financial stability (because i was dependent on my ex as he had wanted me to be) is keeping me from doing anything, i feel literally stuck.. [Content edited for length]

Additional comments:

i know this was long.. i just feel its all necessary components to get the right help and i have a journal siting it all so i can explain it in the right order to my recollection. i just need to reach out at this point because my son needs me and i cant afford a lawyer, nor do i believe in my son getting anything less than a joint arrangement split 50/50, or even more time with mom because that’s how its been for so long and his dad doesn’t pay much attention or take care of his basic needs, like brushing his teeth, hair, bathing him washing his hair and changing/buying him clothes. i need a miracle,…

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. You may choose to report those incidents of abuse to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior to the courts. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with legal support in helping to start to the process in getting your son back, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. You may also want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling and shelter/housing. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

How do I tell my employer I need emotional help and support to leave abuser?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question.

We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Disclosing such personal information can be extremely scary, especially to an employer, but if you trust your employer we encourage you to speak to him/her. Perhaps, you may possible ask for a private meeting, away from other co-workers in a place you feel safe and comfortable. If your employer does not know how to help or isn’t sure where to star we encourage you to provide him/her with our our 24/7 Support and Information Line. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information and speak to an advocate. The advocate can connect you to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management.

I believe my next door neighbors have a domestic abuse situation. They have lived next door to me for several years. They moved in before their son was born. Although the husband introduced himself when they moved in and has spoken to me a few times, I haven’t had much contact with the wife. She has generally ignored my attempts to say hello. Over the past year or so I have heard her screaming at her husband. I suspected that she was abusing him. Saturday, however, I heard her scream “I need help and you won’t let me get it!” I decided to call 911, afraid that things might escalate. My husband went into their yard and yelled at them to stop or we would call the police. I was already on the phone with the dispatcher when the wife came out of the house crying and asking me not to call. I told her I couldn’t ignore what was happening. While I was on the phone with 911 she took her son and left in her car. Because she was no longer in the house the police didn’t send a car. The dispatcher said that they would now be in their system. I believe that she returned home yesterday evening, but today both cars are gone. I am very concerned for their little boy. I really don’t see them much outside their house other than when someone gets into a car while I’m outside in our front yard. She used to have long phone conversations out in the driveway, but not so much anymore. 
What should I do going forward? Are there things I should watch for? Should I call if I hear screaming again?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Based on what you shared It’s uncertain to know if your neighbors are in fact in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, especially if there are children involved. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. Also, if you get a chance to see her outside her home and is safe to approach her you might want to let her know you are concerned and provide her with our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can call us and talk to an advocate about her marriage or get connected to resources. Besides that, there isn’t much you can personally do unless she is ready to reach out and talk. You can also call our 24/7 Support line and get more information about domestic violence.

My 18 year old son is in an abusive relationship. It doesn’t matter what I say to him. He was arrested over the weekend for domestic violence. His girlfriend is the one abusing him. But she turns it around and makes it look like he did it. He got out of jail and went right back to her. How do you help him?? When he doesn’t see that he is the victim. I am at lost on what to do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your son is experiencing abuse in his relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your son is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. Unfortunately you can’t do much for your son unless he is ready to leave her, make changes and receive counseling services. We will be happy to talk to him if he is open to it, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that he will need to call us for us to talk to him directly. If he is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I’m on parole in Kansas City Missouri IM Interstate compacted and I was told to report to Liberty check in to let him know that I’m in the batter women shelter I did so and I got a little scared of spooked and they told me to have a seat and I left am I in trouble or do I just go back and report again on Monday

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you are experiencing this.  A report does not necessarily mean you are in trouble however; to gather more information you should contact the local Police department where you were told to report. If you need any additional resources or support you can call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

We know our brother is being abused by his girlfriend; he has no money, no phone, just wants to drink himself to dead. His girlfriend had him convinced she’s going to die, he did leave for a few months but she convinced him to go back home. I’m afraid he’ll be dead within the next few months; she has him convinced we are dead to them, we have no way to communicate. She is taking away his medicine and had bruises coveting his body and we think she is slowly poisoning him to get sympathy, what can we do?

We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you to witness the abuse your brother is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser.  Depending on the age of your brother you might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check or other options. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your brother.

I know someone who has been assaulted by her boss more than one occasion. He threatens her, and makes her look bad at work. Worst part is.. this is law enforcement. When he did hit her it was not at the office. Nobody knows except me. He tells her to come by and hangout with his friends ’show her off’ and get upset when she doesn’t. What can we do? Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. It must be really hard for you to carry around this information. You can safety plan with her and inform her to document what has been happening. There are many questions I have regarding your post and in order to provide more specific assistance that would accommodate her needs its best if you or her could contact us directly. Depending on the support she feels comfortable receiving we would be able to give her information on our services as well as further safety planning to see what her options would be.  Please refer to our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952.

I’m a gay man, my husband filled a order of protection on me because I threw away his meth and his crack. There was no fight or argument. I was removed from my home.

Thank you for reaching out with your question. We are sorry you experience difficulty within your relationship. If you would like some support and resources please call our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952.

Tonight, we got in huge argument. I was lying in the bed and she decides to jump on me choking me and scratched my neck all up. I threw the phone out of frustration and hit her in the head. She started bleeding and went to hospital and got stitches. I took pics of my neck. But never called the police. I won’t call the police in a woman. But the police went to the hospital and made a report from her. Does this mean I’m going to have a warrant? And how come they did not come arrest me after the police left the hospital?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship.  A report does not necessarily mean you have a warrant out for your arrest, you can contact the local Police department where the report was made to gather further information. If you need any additional resources you can call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I am a male going through a horrible break up. My Ex left me for her boss. Anyway she lied to the police said I body slammed her with my 9 month old in her arms. I was arrested without knowledge the next day her and the police conspired a plan that she would tell me I was getting the kids for the night. She showed up and her dad followed. They weren’t getting out of the vehicles to let my daughter’s out so I walked to the car when two policemen grabbed me and put me in cuffs. Asked me if knew why they were arresting me………………….

[Content edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. The situation you are going through sounds like a tough thing to experience. We are sorry that you have to go through this with your ex. This is a very difficult situation that you were put into and it may be beneficial to call our 24/7 support and information line so an advocate can better assist you. 916-920-2952. WEAVE is a Sacramento based organization; however, you will still be able to access our Support Line for Peer Support. We would also suggest calling the Police Department within the jurisdiction to which the crime occurred  to see if they have any additional advice to offer you moving forward. We wish you the best.

My daughter is in a relationship with a very abusive man… He is physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to her and tries to control everything in the relationship… They have been together for about 9 years and have two boys age 3 & 5 and have both witnessed the abuse towards their mother… I have gotten involved many times most recent incident taking place 3/12/18 myself and the police were called. The police told her they have been on many domestic violence calls and it will only get worse. She packed up some stuff for her and the boys and came home with me. I thought for sure that was the end but I was wrong he began calling and texting her telling her he was popping a bunch of pills and was going to kill himself so once again she falls for his manipulation and went back. Long story short now he is trying to move her and the boys out of state away from her family and friends where she will then be totally and completely helpless… I’m trying to get her to open her eyes and see what he is doing before its too late and he kills her or the boys to make her suffer the rest of her life… How can I stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life?? PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! signed a Desperate mother and grandma.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse in her relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your daughter is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. You have been a great mother to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your daughter unless she is ready to leave him, make changes and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support in the best way you can, and not shame her, even though you know she is in a very dangerous relationship. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My abuser had me arrested for dv. I have in the last two years put him in jail 3 times for dv. He will call message give a sob story I feel bad cause he is on drugs homeless and he call say he is Hungary or he is going to kill himself. This last time he asked me to pick him up bc he was in trouble and going to end his life I went picked him up he was high on meth and drunk he started to choke and hit me while I was driving I pulled the car over telling him to get out he hit me a few more times he laughed smiled and said now I got you bitch your going to jail. He had a scratch on his face from me trying to stop his hits . I took off went home he called the police I didn’t want him in any more trouble well I got arrested for felony dv. I’ve never been arrested ever! Now no victim advocates will help me bc I’m listed as the defendant . This is going to ruin my future and I also have a daughter not with him though. What do I do ? He said he has a black eye on his right side there’s no way when I was on the left. When the cops came they didn’t care nor want to hear my side my bruising showed up a few days later. What do I do I cannot go to prison nor should my future be affected by this arrest

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this. Sounds like a very difficult situation that you were put into. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you with your question, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944. This number is an automatic VM so you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233. You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate or get connected to more legal resources.

A parent and child are yelling back in forth. There were no threats involved, or any type f physical contact. The parent takes the child down to the police station because she feels that the son is “out of control”. Can the son be charged with domestic violence for yelling

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. The definition of an intimate partner can include a spouse, or relative that you either have lived with or have been in a relationship with in the past or currently.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.

 In this case we are unable to provide legal advice however  If you are in the Greater Sacramento Region our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My Mom just threatened me by saying she will stab me with a knife in the eye because i said why are you talking about me because she was talking to my aunt, My aunt didn’t even do anything to help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you experienced that with your mother, we can only imagine how scary that must have been for you. Do you feel safe and comfortable to speak to law enforcement about the incident or maybe even another family member? You may also find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions you may be feeling. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful. We want you to be safe. We are here to help in any way that we can

I just found out from a very close friend that my boyfriend, whom I have been dating for over a year, was once a wife beater! He is super kind to me and often goes overboard trying to accommodate my every whim. I have had some “red flags” when we first started dating, he would at times rage, & raise his voice when he felt offended, sometimes it would come out of nowhere. I am a very happy, wealthy individual who does not need anyone in my life who will bring me down so to speak. I caught him in a lie recently, and he denied the truth and went into a rage, yelling, ranting which scared me! Later crying and apologizing for his actions. Now that I think about it, it appeared like he had no control over his defense mechanism, he point blank stuck to his innocence even though he was caught in a lie!! Lol…. The question is, can a man who abused women in his past do it again? FYI: I have “ghosted” him out of my intuition, something about him doesn’t feel right. I have so much in my life and will not let anyone take advantage of me in the future!! [edited for length]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We applaud you for recognizing that your current partner may be a perpetrator since you yourself have seen a different side of him at times. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with his emotional health, so he doesn’t continue his violent behavior. Your boyfriend on the other hand seems unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions and if you fear he can become violent trust your intuition. You can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate and go over safety planning in case you decide to stay or to leave him.

My best friend is willingly returning to her emotionally abusive ex boyfriend and hiding it from me and our other two best friends (we are all roommates). I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and can confidently say theirs fits label.In the past year that I’ve known her they broke up at least six times before she actually left him this past June. She recently contacted him and has been meeting up with him in private – lying about where she was going to me and other roommates. How do I help her and keep her from making a mistake without shaming or isolating her? [edited for content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your friend is experiencing that with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser or is in constant denial of experiencing domestic violence. You have been a great friend to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your friend unless she is ready to leave him and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support and not shame her, even though you know she is lying to you all. You could also provide your friend with our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and speak to an advocate– 916.920.2952. The advocate can connect her to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management.

I live in Wisconsin. This was all i could find to be anonymous and maybe find help. I am 29 years old i live with my parents and 3 kids. My son 9 every other weekend and 50/50 summer break, my 7 year old daughter is the product of a rape so i sole physical n legal custody and my 5 year old who i share 50/50 placement all the time with. My father is very and i mean very verbally abusive. He threatens to throw me out at least twice daily if things arent done perfect. He yells at my kids then yells more at me if they leave one toy out. I live here because i am very sick. I have a rare disease which i take chemotherapy for to try to help calm my systemic inflammation. Recently they found a bone marrow abnormality in an MRI of my femur i need a biospy of my muscle n possibly a bone marrow biopsy as well. Ive lost most of the vision in my left eye due to my disease as well. I need to get out of here but i have no other family or friends. I would like to go to a shelter but im to scared ill lose my kids. Theyre all that i have and all that matter to me. Please can anyone offer insight. I need help this stress is making me sicker

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing that with your father. It sounds like you are going through a lot. Unfortunately WEAVE is a Sacramento based organization; however if you would like some resources in your area the National Domestic Violence Hotline can assist you at 800-799-7233. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 anonymously.

I had a bad fight with my boyfriend. He cursed me out for no reason as ive been helping him financially and he put me out of his house. i still have pending bills on checks that haven’t cleared. should i stop payment. This was a sacrifice for me, but when you’ve done everything you can do to help but get verbally abused, what should happen?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it is for you. This is a very difficult situation that you were put into. You should always do what is best for you. If you have any legal concerns we have legal advocates via our Legal Voicemail. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and a brief message regarding your legal question. If you would like to talk with someone, get connected with a variety of different resources, or receive Counseling services please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex-boyfriend was charged with battery- family violence act and criminal damage to property in the second degree last week for strangling me and breaking my cellphone when I tried to call for help. His bond condition states that he is to have no contact with me. I would like to message him about a matter that needs no response on his part. Is this allowed?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that with your boyfriend. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you with your question, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate or get connected to more legal resources.

Me and my spouse had a fight and it got out of hand I was trying to get him away from and just started biting and accidentally big off his top pinky finger .. after that I found out he was cheating with a few women my question is should I let the cheating get a slide being that I caused him a deformed finger should I just forget about the other women

Additional comments:

I’m just wondering if we should even talk about the other ladies or should I leave it alone because his pinky is gone

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are experiencing this. Do you feel safe enough to have a conversation with him about the other ladies? It might be beneficial to sit down with him to let him know you are concerned about the other women he has been cheating with. If you would like to talk to someone you can call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an Advocate for support and information about possible options

My boyfriend and i got into an argument and he said he wanted to punch me in the face and that he needed to get away from me so he wouldnt. This is not the first time he has vocalized that. In the relationship before me he was arrested once on a domestic call and admitted to me he punched his gf and gave her 2 black eyes once. Weve been together for 2 years and have a child together. He didnt actually touch me….what do i do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it is for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to speak to one of our Advocates to talk about what you are experiencing and work through your emotions, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My fourteen year old nephew has recently earned himself a criminal record as of yesterday 2/16/18 and today I witnessed him pick his mother up and slam her to the wall. After that I pinned the child on the ground. My question is can I go to jail for doing so?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear that his mother was hurt by your nephew and we hope she is okay. Based on the information you provided it seems you only reacted to your nephew in order to protect/defend his mother. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you with your question, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate or get connected to more legal resources.

My son’s ex-partner sends me messages slandering my son to me, is this abuse as she know it hurts me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing that with your son’s ex. Based on the information you provided it is not Domestic Violence, but it doesn’t make it okay for her to be contacting you and speak wrongly about your son. You may consider filing a Restraining Order so she can’t contact you anymore. If you live in the Sacramento area we encourage to contact Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center at 916-875-HOPE (4673) for information about Restraining orders, or you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to more resources.

So my boyfriend hit me in November of 2017

We’ve been living together since then, he’s never been arrested for domestic assault but he is ordered to go to court for it. How do I request him to leave the house where me and my kids stay up until I move? He’s been nothing but verbal abusive towards me for the past 2 weeks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We would like to encourage you to seek a restraining order against your boyfriend as it could be beneficial to getting him out of your house and also for the safety of you and your kids. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My brother hit me in the head with a pipe and he started an electrical fire at my house what can I do about it if the sheriffs won’t help me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that with your brother. Have you tried filing a police report of the incident? We encourage seeking legal assistance in your county that can answer your question or you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in your community.

In Kansas law can a 60 something woman go to jail for threatening a 20 year old?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in your community.

My daughter in law is letting her boyfriend spank with and without a belt my 6 Year old granddaughter and 10 year old grandson. my granddaughter told me and he does this every time they are bad, she said when her and father never did before this. moved boyfriend in while husband in jail for 6 months still married to my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry your grandchildren are experiencing that. Based on the information you provided it seems your grandchildren may be experiencing child abuse at the hands of the boyfriend, you could contact Sacramento Child Protective Services and report it at 916.875.5437 (875-KIDS), in case the abuse gets worse and/or there is an emergency please call 911. If you would like to talk to someone you can speak to an advocate at our 24 hour Support and Information Line 916-920-2952. Please know that our advocates are mandated reporters and are legally required to ensure a report is made when abuse is observed or suspected.

My daughter is a product of a domestic violent situation… I think my abuser stole her identity, how can I check if that is true?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you and your daughter experienced that. In order to fully answer your question we will need more information from you. If your child is under 18, we might be able to assist you by pulling and reviewing her credit. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and speak to an advocate– 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child.

I just wanted to know if I’m overreacting but a boy at my school started touching me on the thigh and bum,when I was on a school trip to the theater, in the dark and I didn’t say anything at the time and I still haven’t but I let him touch my hand and I didn’t tell him to stop because I felt embarrassed. I just want to know if I’m overreacting or not or if this even is sexual assault.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, this sounds like a really upsetting situation and I am sorry that you experienced that. I want you to know that sexual assault is not only rape; it is ANY type of unwanted sexual contact. Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks”. Forcing or pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do or don’t consent to is sexual assault.That includes unwanted touching, fondling, or groping. We understand this is a lot to process and we want you to know you are not alone, we are here to support you. Is there someone you feel comfortable discussing this with? A friend, or trusted adult? It always helps to know that someone who cares for you is there to support you. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone in your support group about this, you can always reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained crisis counselor’s can provide you with non-judgmental support, you can remain anonymous, and receive the support you need. 
How do I tell if my ex boyfriend is taking is anger classes? I need to know because if he is I am renewing a restraining order soon. please get back to ASAP

Thank you for reaching out! Unfortunately we would not have access to another programs client list and some programs may even uphold confidentiality. If you knew the name of the program he is using, you could call them and see what their policies are. If you have any questions regarding the Restraining Order process you can call the Family Justice Center 916-875-4673. If you have any questions or want to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My Wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Feb 2017 she was diagnosed with end stage renal failure. We’ve been doing dialasys since May 2017 so its still new. Shes scared & cant conduct the home treatment so as should be I’m taking care of her. 5 days ago she had been getting unusually agitated & was on our adult sons case. I defused it but was stoic the next day. We got into it again. She followd me around the house as we argued, getting lowder & lowder. It ended when she got me to the point where I lost it and spit in her face. She said “go ahead, do that one more time.” I’d three or four times. She was may be an inch or two from me. She punched me in the groin. I smacked her in the face. Open handed. I lost it, went into our bedroom and started breaking all the things i bought her… TV & vanity mainly. I then went outside & called 911. I went out into the alley to wait for the police. When they questioned her, asking if I hit her with a closed fist. She said she didn’t see. They took me to jail and put a restraining order on me for 7 days. Leaving her to fend for herself with nobody to help her. We’ve had our arguments in the passed and some pretty big but we never hit each other. Now with three days to go on the restraining order and court date before i can help. She’s in the hospital having a heart attack and I cant see her. I dont know what to do. I should have never called 911. I just wanted the situation to be defused but it has gotten far worse. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. We have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions, like trying to see your spouse with the restraining order in place, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. You may also want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the feelings of your spouse’s illness and recent arguments and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

if i had my boyfriend locked up for hitting me can i call and have him o.r ed

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you.

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Unfortunately I have been a victim of domestic violence by my legal husband but separated for over 10 years now. Hiding and running from him to keep my daughters and I safe , sacrificed everything for our safety including my right to self petition as a US Citizen battered wife as, at the time I was missing informed by a notario publico Who adviced me not to petition because since he had a criminal background I did not qualified, and that he would be advised of my petition . Now I am 33, time has past but things for me are even harder . Is there any way I could self petition or is it too late?. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE Inc. with your question, we understand this must be incredibly upsetting for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you could benefit from speaking to one of our legal advocates regarding self-petitioning. We offer various legal services, such as Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Order and Divorce workshops, but our legal advocates are also available via our Legal Voicemail. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and a brief message regarding your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days. Additionally, if you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, trained crisis counselors can assess your situation further and provide you with resources best suited to aid you. 

I took a plea on a CDV charge last year of no contest. The original charges were felony charges. I was trying to put her remaining items on ground and leave when she jumped out of her car and into my truck trying to take my belongings in front seat I attempted to pull her out twice and I grabbed what she had picked out of her hands and kept her from getting it. We locked up me just trying to keep he for breaking or grabbing some resulting in both is falling into my vehicle door open she hit her head on floor where door rests me on shoulder on same part. It left a mark on her for long and narrow. I pushed her back and got in my vehicle locked doors then I tried to get some other area from her. She chased me and nearly had an accident before I called police. She tell police I attempted to choke her and beat her. I didn’t see if all evidence was presented showing her intentions. And one witness who seen some of incident never questioned. It was a horrible experience I felt helpless knowing lies we’re accepted of face cause of gender. Fast forward one year she was just arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (attempted to run current bf over). Could I use her 3ed arrest for my cast to bring more facts to light and maybe have a second look takes after judge ruling from State of NC?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting that must’ve been for you. This is a very difficult situation that you were put into and it may be beneficial to call our 24/7 support and information line so an advocate can better assist you. 916-920-2952. WEAVE is a Sacramento based organization; however you will still be able to access our Support Line for Peer Support. We would also suggest calling the local Police Department that handled the original case and see if they have any advice to offer you moving forward. 

I’m in the process of divorcing my ex husband. Not only is he a drug addict, who’s currently in rehab, but he’s also been physically abusive through the course of our marriage which has resulted in two beautiful girls. To protect my girls and avoid the stigma, I’ve been largely silent on the topic of abuse particularly because his drug addiction has given me sole custody of the girls at least in the interim. In rehab, he is claiming to being treated for ptsd from the abuse I inflicted on him. He has told everyone and anyone that would listen that I’m abusive to him. I’m terrified that upon leaving rehab, he will try and take my girls from me by claiming me the abuser. Because I’ve been silent about it to this point, I fear that it’s too late to speak up, creating a he said she said scenario. The man is very charming and I come across as a bit of a nut. I went in for my own evaluation with a therapist just a few weeks ago and it was really the first time I acknowledged the abuse to anyone. I’m terrified I could lose my children. What can I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. You may choose to report those incidents of abuse to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior to the courts. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

Hi my ex partner is due to get out of jail in June, he is in their for stabbing a man and gbh on me. He bit into my lip I had to have 15 stitches also he burst my ear drum I was bleeding from it knocked my tooth out and scarred my chin an made my whole face balloon up with bruises but when he went to jail I found out I was pregnant with his baby. I kept the baby due to feeling like giving up but baby kept me going he’s been in jail for 25 months my little girls now 15 months; I’m already getting things said about me by his friend’s and family.  Will the police or housing let us move away but help us with housing I do not feel safe round here and In June it’s going to be worse. I don’t want to leave my family behind but I need to keep me and my daughter safe.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. In regards to your question about possibly having to relocate and leave your family, we encourage you to apply for the California Victim Compensation Board (CalVCB). CalVCB is a state program dedicated to providing reimbursements for crime-related expenses to eligible victims who have suffer physical injuries as a result of a violent crime. For more information contact 800.777.9229 or go to their website www.victims.ca.gov. You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child.

So I was involved in a very violent relationship for 3 years in Idaho. I got away once all the way to Ohio and was kidnapped and taken back, across state lines. I filed report after report and nothing came from in. The town in Idaho always dropped everything. July of 2016 I finally got away again when my family from California hadn’t heard from me in so long they called the police to do a wellness check. My bf was arrested for kidnapping and I left. He was let out the next morning on a no-file from the prosecutors office. I came back to my family in California. He continued to stalk and harass me, coming here and threatening me. I tried getting a restraining order, but couldn’t get him served. He got into a new relationship and beat that girl up pretty bad and had yet another warrant for his arrest and decided to leave Idaho. I suffer from PTSD and not knowing where he was has impacted my quality of life immensely. I search for him to know if he’s close. Tonight I found an article online about him getting arrested in Washington. Its a pretty big deal. Resisting, drugs, ramming into fire trucks and cop cars, weapons charges. He’s got a court date on the 17th this month (Jan. 2018). Now for some background. In California he has a lengthy history going back to 2002 consisting of drug charges and assault on an officer, and he ran to Idaho where he spent 10 years racking up yet another lengthy history including kidnapping and domestic violence on a previous girlfriend, and then me and then the brief one after me. He has never actually gotten in trouble for any of it and I STILL fear I can’t run far enough. He never ends up locked up for long. So my question is since he has FINALLY been caught albeit in Washington now, is there a way and would it be of any use to somehow contact the courts or whoever to let them know of his history? I am relieved he is locked up but I am scared for when he gets out. I can’t keep hiding and using fake names online and trying to keep my whereabouts hidden. I am afraid to even have a facebook or sign up for anything online in case he can locate me. My family is tired of having everything in their name for me. They think I should let it go and forget and move on, but they underestimate him and don’t know what he’s done to me. I am VERY lucky to be alive. He almost killed me, he’s willing to track me across the country. I’m scared and just wonder if trying to make sure he stays locked up is worth it or even possible.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing that over the years, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you but we glad you are alive. You may choose to report those incidents to the prosecutor’s office or law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior to the courts. You may also consider filing a Temporary Restraining Order against him, as you have mentioned being scared if he gets out. We do have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

I just had a baby and did not know I was pregnant. He was a premie. I worked 60-70 hour weeks, my body looked like a refrigerator instead of like it was holding a watermelon, still got my period, and I even worked through labor. Well my bf and I didn’t want kids. Now I can’t afford to live because we can’t afford daycare and I need to be home with my son so I am on leave. We don’t live together so he gets to work but he doesn’t make enough to pay my rent. My dad lied to my face at the hospital saying he’s to pay my January rent and I didn’t find out until 2 days ago that he wont. My sister offered to have me take a cost free mini vacation and if I want free daycare with her in Tennessee to get back on my feet. I live in CA. Keeping mind my bf and I are super stressed about money, he is still in shock about having a baby, and his ex wife took their kids and left, he has never ever laid a hand on me. I told him I have no plans but have to find a place to live and Tennessee seems like the best option. That way he has the opportunity to help me find a better plan or we could make arrangements because I want to take our son with me. Not away from him, but I am also the caretaker of our son. He started getting extra frustrated and was like you are trying to take our son away from me I could see this from the beginning blah blah blah, but then he said maybe I should stab you and make it look like an accident wait on the corner when you walk your dogs and take my sons. It made me feel uncomfortable no I did not walk my dogs that night slept with the light on, but normally when he says jackass things I ignore it. I am hormomnal and stressed and want to breast feed so I had to stop my anxiety treatment. I told CPS but also told them I don’t want to file a police report. I think he is joking, but I don’t want to be naive. In our 5 going on6 years together he has never even attempted to lay a hand on me. I understand he is stressed and now is afraid of reliving someone taking his child away. He said he was sorry, he said I just don’t want you to go. I met with him the day after and he gave me cash for his son and I let him hold his son. Really awkward though because we were in a parking lot, normally we are at my place. He didn’t try to take his son or anything. I told him he just needs to work on his aggression that saying those things isn’t right. I honestly don’t think he wants hurt me. I do think he needs anger management. He doesn’t seem to understand that since he doesn’t hurt me saying nasty things still isn’t ok. he is also the one who taught me to stand up for myself when people say or do messed up things

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Domestic Violence may include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is important to reach out to law enforcement at any time you feel you may be in danger. The safety of you and your child is very important.  If you would like to talk with someone, get connected with a variety of different resources, or receive Counseling services please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Let’s say that we have someone that is dreaming about a old flashback of her ex-husband beating her and then it took me about all together about an hour to fully get her awake but the last 15 minutes I recorded of her but I’ve mounted her was shaking her and whenever she woke up she thought I I was really doing what she was dreaming and started screaming and I put my hand over her mouth and told her look I’ve been trying to wake you up for the last hour but stop screaming before your kids and my kids think that I’m freaking beating you and I told her I was going to let up and I got off and then she called nine-one-one so I took off and she pressed charges but I showed her the video a day later it’s a 15 minute video of what she was doing while she was asleep and it’s because they upped her dose on her antidepressant medicine and even on the bottle of says may cause severe nightmares but she called the law and told them that she wanted to drop the charges because it was all a dream and we have proof from a doctor to will it get dropped and not picked up by state.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you.

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

My best friend is not here she is in Oregon going through domestic violence mage is running out of time and losing her place to live

I’m her only friend in the world and I have done all I can to help

She is safe for now but needs to get to Sacramento and help starting over

He is wanted by law nationwide

But she fears daily of his return

She has no income but has dependable vehicle

Is there help to relocate and get started? She is a hard working woman as well

But he made her quit

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are very sorry that your friend is going through this traumatic experience. There are many resources and referrals WEAVE can possibly offer to support your friend. If your friend has reported a crime against this person she may qualify for the Victims Compensation Program which may be able to assist with the relocation expenses. She may also consider filing out a temporary restraining order against this person. Without more information it is hard to directly answer your question. Please refer her to our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952.

What can I do if I and my children was kidnapped and I was beat from Cali to Texas and I got away but he’s treating me and I never went to the police because I have no one to support me. I’m now in Cali and no one knows how bad it was I have no help and cps on my back I do what to do I can’t lose my baby’s I refuse to lose them after what we been through and I’m afraid they will take them like he said he’ll make happen. I’m just lost and can’t handle losing my only reason to live.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you.  You may choose to report the incident and while law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if the abuser ever assaults you or your children again. You may also consider filing a Temporary restraining order against him. If you haven’t  had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

If I’m having trouble getting out of a situation that feels like domestic violence where Can I get counseling or support to help me make the steps to leave

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your situation. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you to help in any way that we can.

What is you want to leave but your husband is ALWAYS home? I’m scared to do the restraining order while we are still living together. He will go crazy if I take our son. He will threaten to hurt or kills our pets, destroy my important things or even expose my past to my family and friends.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We understand that it is sometimes scary and difficult to access help, but no one deserves to be treated that way and we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Understanding that these situations are not easy to walk away from you are very brave for making the first step by reaching out. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is important to reach out to law enforcement at any time you feel you may be in danger. Weave can provide many services and resources from case management, counseling, legal services, as well as trying to find possible safe shelter options. A safety plan may also be beneficial for you and an advocate can assist you with creating one. You can reach an advocate on the 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952.

Am I able to report an assault committing to me when I was on HIS property?

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that what you are going through is very real and scary and we want you to know that we are here to support you in any way we can. Unfortunately, we cannot answer legal-based questions on the Message Boards. However, we do have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal issues in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support, services, and resources within our community.

How do you go from being a life coach living on the street and counseling against abuse 2 ending up being blackmailed in extorted and forced to stay and it’s due to neurological birth defect receipts by a gene and father and Agent Orange in Vietnam now my court order. You ain’t my setup has my ID every 6 months that I come down unfortunately it has been set back last year I returned home this summer to go do what I normally do I slept in the backyard I was there Wednesday there is no laws against the send BC. And here I was trying to avoid conflict but I’m going to need a domestic violence Asylum part I don’t know what’s going on my citizenship due to all the stress I have an autoimmune disease is very critical he has been here for 6 weeks beating me down verbally mentally aggressively left on the floor the yelling for my neighbor for help I look like a lunatic are used to be a counselor why am I a victim because I lost my Independence and where I come from has no rights and hear the property management company and I had to ask because I had nobody else [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.

I have lost my job my confidence my home transportation and the few things I have left are in a storage locker. I am living with my boyfriend of almost 4 years who is an amputee and uses it as pity when needed. I spend every day sitting next to him doing nothing. He does not speak to me. I can not go outside because there is a construction crew building next door and they might check me out or I might look at them. I can go out front if the neighbors are not out working in their shop or I am out their just to be noticed. 
He has lied to many times. He looks at porn , text and emails other woman. Even woman from high school he still send sexual text etc too. At parties he ignores me unless someone is looking at me and he notices then gives ME a nasty look. I have watched him completely circle a woman twice checking her out in a store before he noticed me. It was creepy he was looking at her as prey. He watches them in mirrors. I have no one to talk to or nothing else do to do I watch him. I am not allowed to bring my belongings over to the place because it’s ” His house His stuff His life ” verbatim ! It has to be his way always. I wake up every morning surrounded by his things with none of my memories with me. But he says I love you. I want you to be my life partner. That is why I pay for your storage and let you live here. 
I have no friends lost all my self esteem, no income now so after 43 years I will have no contact with anyone soon There is no phone here. I am in the country. I have lost me. 
I have tried and tried to tell him how his constant lack of understanding to my feeling and my needs have hurt our relationship. I am told to get over it and move on. 
I don’t know what to do ? I feel so alone. I have reached out to friends and family and they are not used to me being so non independent they don’t understand my crys for help. I feel so dependent on him that I don’t even move far from the couch any longer because I don’t know what else to do. 
My self esteem is gone. I have lost myself but I am still worried about losing him and what he will think ? ?!!!?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. No one deserves to be ignored that way and we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You mentioned your boyfriend not allowing you to bring any of your belongings over and unfortunately that is a warning sign/ red flag that you seem to be aware of. Having power and control is a huge contribution to the cycle of violence and loss of self-esteem. You do not deserve any of this and it can be very emotionally draining, but you are not alone in this struggle. If you would like to speak to an advocate about some options or steps to take please contact our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952. We are here for you.

my ex boyfriend cheated on me while i was in vegas for my bday and come to find out he got into a relationship with the girl he cheated with, well they had a rough time he started beating her and shes got pics but its been a month or two since it happened.. all she has is the pic no other proof. can she still report it?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. That person may choose to report the incident and while law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if the abuser ever assaults her again. She may also consider filing a Temporary restraining order against him. If she hasn’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

After being in an emotional abusive relationship my husband left and after a month his girlfriend tried to keep my youngest and oldest from me can I press charges we’re now in a domestic violence shelter so he hasn’t seen the kids in 3 weeks which I’m worried he could use against me in court

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE and we are very sorry that your family is going through this. If you are in the Greater Sacramento Region and you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We hope you get the assistance you need so you can start your healing process.

I am not the person involved in a bad situation, it is my daughter and I want to ask how I can help her or even if I should be helping. Not sure if my interfering is making it worse. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are very sorry that your family is going through this and especially your daughter who is living through this traumatic experience. Sometimes people in her situation just need someone to support them and always be there for them so that they don’t feel like they have no support, which is why understanding barriers and the cycle of violence is extremely important. Meeting your daughter where she is at would be the best thing to do as she may already be used to not making her own decisions, empowering her to make decisions for herself. There are many resources available and even group counseling available where you can relate to others and become educated on domestic violence. You or your daughter can call the support line anytime to speak with an advocate about services available, our support line is 24/7 916-920-2952. 

Why did my boyfriend sexually assault and battery me and not his other girlfriends, who say he was gentle, affectionate and kind to them?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. It’s important to know this is never your fault, but the fault of the abuser. Although it may be difficult to understand why the abuser would do this, we know domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. If you would like to take advantage of our counseling services you can attend the WEAVE Triage Assessment, it is available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays (English/Spanish): 12 pm – 2 pm

My boyfriend of five months is very controlling (not specifically – emotionally, cut my friends by “hating” them or demeaning them or telling me they are a threat to us) he has hurt me a couple of times, threatens to leave me, threatens he will kill himself. I have asked him to get help and I’m standing my ground and not giving up my right to be dominated by him. The last month or so, he’s accused me of cheating (daily) I have not cheated. The other day he received a message from a fake facebook about me cheating with on him with (fake accounts “friend”) he quickly dropped it and I know it’s not something he would have just “dropped” had it been someone else who sent it. I personally believe it was him trying to “catch” me cheating. When he did this it so happened that the person who was fake did have a real account with that specific name and that this person had a mutual friend of mine (whom I work with) I’ve never cheated though and I’m thinking this might be a tactic to make me quite my job because of the coworker to have more control since he feels he’s loosing control over me… could I be right? He constantly has a way of gas lighting me and always has me believing I’m the one who’s crazy. It’s driving me crazy!! I don’t know what to do. I’d like to help stay but I’m losing that initial fire we had due to the accusations and stopped seeing him the way I once did. I’m also pregnant with his child….

Additional comments:

I Just need some light shed my way

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We understand that it is sometimes hard to ask for help but no one deserves to be treated that way and we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You mentioned your boyfriend wanting to take control of everything and unfortunately that is a warning sign/ red flag that you seem to be aware of. Having power and control is a huge contribution to the cycle of violence. We believe you and you do not deserve to be accused of cheating on a daily basis, as that can be very emotionally draining. Over all, your safety and the safety of your unborn child is most important. If you would like to speak to an advocate about some options or steps to take please contact our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952. 
Me and my boyfriend were having a hard time I just lost my auntie he just lost his son you know so we’re both dealing with losses in our family and it was just making us both a little irritated and aggravated and he threatened to stab me with a knife and everything but me being afraid and going through everything that I’m going through my mind is really messed up right now but I just want them to know I said a few things out of panic and distress and I wasn’t thinking correctly myself going through everything I’m going through

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that, we can only imagine how scary and upsetting it must’ve been for you. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is important to reach out to law enforcement at any time you feel you may be in danger. If you would like to talk with someone, get connected with a variety of different resources, or receive Counseling services please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I am 21 years old and have been with my fianće for 5 years. We had our son very early, I was 18 and he was 19. Even before I met him he had a very intense drinking and anger problem. Although I saw him drink more than I had believed was “normal”, I didn’t take it seriously. He hit me for the 1st time when I was about 7 months pregnant and gave me a black eye. I forgave him and then it became a “normal” thing that I would expect when he would get angry. The drinking just continued to increase to an everyday thing and eventually earlier this year he drank a gallon of vodka and crashed our car which then caught on fire. Being in the state of mind that he was in, he dragged me by my hair through dirt and rocks, in front of my 3 year old. I guess my question is what can WEAVE help me with because I go to school full time and also work full time? Is there help with child care and housing? [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, as being in these situations are very scary. Understanding that these situations are not easy to walk away from you are very brave for making the first step: getting to a safe place and reaching out for help. WEAVE can provide many services from case management, to counseling, to legal services, as well as children’s counseling. A safety plan may also be beneficial for you and an advocate can assist you with creating one. You can reach an advocate on the 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952. You’ve shown a lot of strength already. 

I want to know what I can do about getting my son back. My youngest son’s dad choked me nine years ago and he was able to take my son even after he almost killed me. I have been trying to get him back and I am having a hard time because I do not got the money to get a lawyer. And not only that but after I left him for doing what he did to me he kept my son away from me and then we went to court and the judge did set the visitation the way it was set the first time and so he took him a few months down the road and never brought him back so he got away with kidnapping my son cause no one would help me. What can I do?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing this must be for you. If the father is in violation of the visitation rights you can contact Law Enforcement and CPS regarding the situation. If you are in the Greater Sacramento Region and you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My daughter filed for a full restraining order but was only granted half of one meaning it says he isn’t allowed to harass her but no kick out was ordered and he won’t move out though repeatedly asked to he doesn’t pay rent nor is on the lease. hews been served restraining order but continues to harass her daily she is afraid to call the police to enforce the restraining order because cps said if police are called to this address again they will take her child so now she has to keep dealing with him. why should she get trouble with cps when she just wants the restraining order enforced isn’t that what she is supposed to do is protect herself and child from the abuse but how can she do that without police involvement to do so? help me to help her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your daughter is experiencing that with her former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for her and you as well. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If your daughter hasn’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I’m from Canada and I live on the border of the US so I have a trailer that I keep in water state go down and stay 6 months here 2 months there now I was visiting here and was abused by my husband and left half dead in grave medical condition now he is returned to Canada I am Canadian abandoned but I have been working on immigration here well first and you’re my old citizenship but we don’t know what’s happening with that now I’m trying to go under this law from cuz I was abused in Canada but these are new charges they just happened 24 hours ago and I ain’t going back I’m in grave Danger because I used to have dual citizenship but I am Canadian right now and I am stuck here and I’m barely standing because I have a severe medical condition and I don’t know what to do how to get support counseling late charges and seek Asylum [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. You can also get more information and resources at www.thehotline.org and www.domesticshelters.org. We hope you get the assistance you need so you can start your healing process.

hi me and my wife are living apart at minute trying to live together again but scared of what ss will say or will agree please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Based on what you said this might be an issue related to Social Security (SS), and we encourage you to contact them directly with your question, you can contact them at their toll-free number at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778).  

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952

My children live with me. My older daughter especially controls my life. Some things I kind of accept she demands, such as no cookies, cakes, candy, soda, chips, cereals, or other high sugar or high calorie foods either. My daughters even tell me when to go to bed. I have to be in my bedroom and keep the lights off after 10:00 pm. I have to pay for the apartment rent, rent insurance, utilities, mail, cars, car insurance, their medical insurance, and other family costs. I buy the greatest majority of their food, clothes, cosmetics, and even recreational things like their bicycles and gym memberships too. They sometimes are kind enough to put maybe $10 or $20 of gas in the car gas tank when I have no money left at the end of the month. My older daughter works but contributes nothing. She just put $10,000 in another personal S&P investment account while last month I believe I finished the month with $1.09 in my bank account. I haven’t purchased any new or even Goodwill/Salvation Army clothes or shoes for myself in years. I really live in some ways like a vagabond. Is it normal for parents to live like this? I’m wondering how to cope. What else to dream. I just keep dreaming of being dead. I lived worse (violence/abuse/captivity) so just say it could be worse. I’m emotionally dead already. Just venting out of sadness. Realize there is no solution. At least I’m not being raped or being punched around anymore [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment with your current living situation and with your children. Based on what you shared you may have to set some healthy boundaries with your children. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I’m trying to escape the father of my son who is verbally abusive, he has pushed me into walls a few times and threatens to beat me up or have his female family member do it. I move furniture in front of my door every night and walk to my car in fear. I’m tired of being scared for me and my son’s safety. Do you guys provide help with finding housing?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if your former abuser ever assaults you again. You may also consider filing a Temporary restraining order against him.

If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

Released from prison almost 2 years ago and in that time he has physically hurt me 4 times. I tried to report one of the incidents but the da dropped the case and we just had to go to counseling but it got worse. He still drank excessively and we still would bicker, well last week it got bad and now he is back in jail. Looking at 3 felonies and one misdemeanor. I’m worried because he already has 2 strikes against him. And one more felony he can get 25 to life. Also his sister’s mother in law is a private investigator for his defense team. What if they have evidence of me verbally fighting with him? Can they use anything that she says against me in a court of law? 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

If a partner rubbed his hands down his butt crack and then wiped his hands on my face when he wasn’t showered an assault? We were fighting and I feel so violated [edited for content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. What you experienced sounds like domestic violence, here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

 

I was held hostage, physically and mentally tortured. I escaped a year ago with a back injury, PTSD and a hernia. I have no home and no money. I still havent gotten any help in any way. He is in jail. I still cry every day and I have no idea how I survived this long. I am paralyzed by fear and pain. I am so tired of worrying about how I am going to eat tomorrow. I cant move on. I dont know what to do.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. What you experienced sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I had a ppo served on my ex for his 3rd DV against me. We have a 2 year old together. After a few weeks I tried to let him see our child and he became violent again. Since then he has continued to call and text me to “try and see our child” but I have not responded. What options do I still have to guarantee my safety and the safety of our child. He has no established rights to the child yet.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944.If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

*wtmust ido?My boyfriend n I had an argument abt him cheating n he bested me n m pregnant afta few days he came with policeman with protection order saying I dnt HV to ssy anything to him direct or indirect is it fair for r unborn by de way cs I believe m fe 1hu has to lay assault charges on him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Hi I live in Texas I have a girlfriend that has lived with me in my house now she has gone crazy , very violent and always threatens me or to destroy my home if she don’t get her way she’s already destroyed parts of it in the past I need to know where I stand if she continues this behavior? She’s refused to move out as of now.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

My name is Patricia, How do I go about having an ex boyfriend that lied in court on a domestic violence restraining order against me in which he abused me and convinced the judge to slap me with a 5yr restraining order because she was bothered by all the text, emails and phone msgs that he saved on my retaliation against all the lies and disrespect he has caused through out our on and off 8yr relationship, I don’t need a restraining order against him, but I’d like to see him take a battered woman class since he got away with abusing me and i verbally abused him but that wasn’t ok with the judge and she let him walk out of her court room laughing at the mess he caused and got away with it.

Additional comments:

I was told my ex is going around bragging about getting away with lying in court to have a restraining order filed against me when he knows he was wrong and I’m the victim.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

My ex boyfriend broke my jaw. It’s going to be a year in 6 days that it happened. He broke it into 2 different places. We stayed together, I lied to my family because I loved him. A year later we broke up because of a different reason. Now that we are not together I still have a $3,000 bill to take care of he was helping me out with a place to stay and what not but I would like to get info about my options about suing him to help with the remaining bill.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially because you are still dealing with the financial consequences of his behavior. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. In regards to your question about your medical bill, we encourage you to apply for the California Victim Compensation Board (CalVCB). CalVCB is a state program dedicated to providing reimbursements for crime-related expenses to eligible victims who have suffer physical injuries as a result of a violent crime. For more information contact 800.777.9229 or go to their website www.victims.ca.gov. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex husbands gf told my 7 year old she was going to burn her clothes for bringing them to their house. What can I do as her mother? And there’s so much more.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are experiencing this, as a mother it must be hard to hear such behavior from an adult who is supposed to care and protect your child. Is your ex-husband aware of it? And if so, have you had a conversation with him? It might be beneficial to sit down with him to let him know you are concerned about the treatment your daughter is receiving from his partner. If you would like to talk to someone you can call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an Advocate for support and information about possible options.

My father chocked me and kicked me and this is the second time because I wanted to beat up his girlfriend but I never put a hand on her. This is the second time and this time I tried getting out of the chock hold he had me in and I started to hit his genitals to let me go but he did not instead he started chocking me more and dragging me. I don’t know what to do. If I call the cops on my own father this will be his second domestic violence offence. My uncle and sister saw him kick me and put me in a chock hold and dragged me into the room while I was yelling [edited for content].

We are glad you reached out.  The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement taking your father away. Although, law enforcement can be intimidating at times, they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. WEAVE offers counseling services to victims of domestic violence. If you would like more information, you can call our 24/7 Support Line to speak with an Advocate to learn more. The Support Line is 916.920.2952.

My ex is a cop and he had my daughter with him last night, and I went to go pick her up he gave me a key so I can just walk in and get her as soon as he heard me walk in the house I got to the hallway. He then woke up pretty quickly and pushed me in the hall way my daughter is laying in bed with this lady that he refuses to tell me anything about. He then grabbed me by my arm and shoved me outside through the garage. I need someone to tell me is this something that I need to report?

Thank you for reaching out. We can understand that the incident might’ve left you feeling unsettled and confused, and it’s understandable since it’s your child. Although the incident can seem suspicious and questionable because you don’t know that woman, there is little information you have, but if you suspect anything please contact law enforcement right away. If you have an amiable relationship with your ex we recommend you speaking to him again, if he refuses to answer you might want to call Sacramento Police Department at their non-emergency number 916.264.5471 and ask for advice. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your child, their number is 916.875.5437. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I sold my car to my daughter and her husband so she would have a good reliable and dependable car for her and the children. They have recently separated. They are going through a custody dispute with their daughter.(she has 2 other children who are 18 and 19 from a previous relationship) My ex son-in-law put the car in his name only, which I did not know until they went to court for child custody. Now they are split up and he just had a friend steal the car (he had the extra key) from her house. She had just put all her laundry in the car to go to the laundromat, and he has the car. It is in his driveway (had a neighbor look) The police would not do a stolen car report, even though my daughter did not see who stole the car. We know we can not go get the car, but she needs all her laundry and personal items that are in the car. Her ex will not answer his phone (he has the child as of 6pm for this week) He will not answer texts. Should we get the police to go with us to get her stuff and if they won’t what should we do??? 

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through at the moment. If you live in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.

Why am I feeling so anxious, near panic mode, when after a particularly verbally abusive session from my husband where he said he was leaving. I’ve been with him longer than 15 years. Why can’t I just let him go, not that I think he will, but why can’t I just let him go?

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My boyfriend beat me up and stole $500 dollars from me n cops arrested him they said that cause it was in his possession they couldn’t give it back to me how do I get my money?

Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be.  If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I am stuck. My bf of 6 yrs abuses me. I have nowhere to go. We have a 3 yr old daughter together. I’m afraid that if I leave him, I will get in trouble with the police. I can only go to a motel and only have enough for 2 wks. Idk what to do.

We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child.

If a person was saying they were raped and denied to press charges, and having a rape kit done, etc., was in the ER for being assaulted, Can the nurse badger and keep pushing that person to have the rape kit done? Saying things like her job depends on it and things like that, or is that illegal?

We are glad you reached out. It’s unfortunate that the nurse did that and that the person had that experience but It’s not illegal. We like to give people choices, and allow them to make their own decisions when it comes to their own body. If the assault happened less than 7 days ago, that person can still get a WAVA forensic medical exam without involving law enforcement. Has that person have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you or they are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

My sister lost her husband and got involved in a financially abusive relationship with someone. She has mental and addiction problems and seems confused alot of the time. She has some money coming from her husband of 29 years who died. He was a very good man. Whenever she gets any money her boyfriend who doesnt work takes it for his own needs and leaves her nothing. She is mentally ill and not dealing with a full deck. There seems to be no way I can protect her from this predator. He has some way of brainwashing and controlling her and nobody can get through to her because of her mental conditions. I was thinking maybe a woman with domestic abuse experience could call my sister and talk to her and convince her not to go back where he can get his claws back into her. I just feel like when he is done milking her for money and moves on to another victim she will become homeless or could even die. If a professional is willing to talk to her maybe I can give you her phone number and they can call her and convince her to change course. Whatever me and her daughter say to her doesnt seem to have any affect. It is so frustrating. I know where this is headed and I just dont know what to do [edited for length].

We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a brother to witness the abuse your sister is enduring. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. Depending on the age of your sister you might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your sister.

I need an attorney who will work on a contingency basis in getting my judgement set aside in my divorce case based on failure to disclose property he had purchased from the cash he took out of the family residence that was awarded to me. I sold the house in 2015 and was told it was not my loan. Thirteen years of domestic violence, 11 police reports and a current restraining order in place. We are glad you reached out. We understand your case might be very frustrating. If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). 

I hope this is ok to ask here. I want to meet new people but honestly still don’t know how to start. I’ve already been in two long lasting abusive horrible relationships. The first one started when I was @ 14. I don’t know things most people experience or do. It’s like I am truly socially limited. I am just lost, technically illiterate. Is there a place that teaches people things if they have essentially been shut off from the world outside of antenna television, books, and magazines for decades?.  I am just tired of being trapped in a technical world that I don’t understand, and I never used before. In my deprived and abused existence I just didn’t live like most Americans. It’s like every time it’s just more of the controlling same, just new bullies making me still feel sad in different ways [edited for length].

We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced in the past must’ve been very frightening and it can be difficult to lead a life that is very technological oriented now. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged abusive relationship can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. Have you had the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are local, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services in Sacramento, including free counseling services and free case management services. Our counselors are trauma informed so they are able to support you and help you in advocating for yourself in getting the support and resources you deserve.

I moved in with my girlfriend when I just got out on parole and the landlord threatened to kick her out because I was on Parole is this illegal

Additional comments:

I’ve been out of trouble since 2014 and I am currently on parole working full-time and two beautiful children

It sounds that your life has been on the right track and you have been striving to be better. Unfortunately  WEAVE’s expertise and resources are limited to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and housing and tenant disputes are beyond our capacity.   If you are in Sacramento County you will need to reach out to renter’s helpline regarding your options. Their phone number is 916-389-7877. Wish you the best of luck. 

I meet a girl 27 years old from Mississippi. I’m 45 years younger male. She has a son by her ex-boyfriend Tony in the past Tony black her eye, choke her & beat her up. She move in with me & now she lives,in Cincinnati. After one year with me she returns back to Mississippi well that same ex-boyfriend does exactly the same thing to her, she claim she has a restraining order out on him, “that I never seen & she tells me her mother told her if you have a restraining order out on him who’s going watch your son while your at work? So she still takes the son over to Tony’s apartment so he can watch their son.. This is weird to me should I trust & believe she has a restraining order out on him or should I ask to see the restraining order? Now when she calls she will say I’ll call you back in 5min & 5mins turns into 45min’s & she also has a son 12, 8 & a daughter 7years old.. And the same ex-Tony she did a threesome with but said she regrets it & claim she don’t want him but him, she claim since she been back in Mississippi April of 2017 she hasn’t slept nor had sex with no man.. What question or what request should I ask of her to prove to me she’s tellin the truth? There isn’t a specific question to ask someone you want a healthy relationship with to force them to what you consider the truth. Based on what you shared, she has answered your questions and you must decide if you believe them and can continue the relationship or not. In healthy relationships, each partner is willing to trust the other. Asking someone to relive past experiences or prove themselves over and over is not healthy. She is entitled to make her own choices based on what she feels is best for her situation. If you don’t agree with the choices, you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship. Given that she has experienced domestic violence in the past and is faced with raising a child with the ex, you may want to encourage her to seek counseling to address the violence and the impact it had on her children. She can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). They can provide information about resources in her area.
3 or 4 months ago I was living with a guy who isn’t the father of my son. One day at work I received multiple texts saying he shouldn’t watch my son and that I need to come home. I call him and he says he hit my son. I make him bring my son to my work and my son has a huge handprint sizes welt/bruise on his face. Like this man decked my kid with an open hand. I, afraid and stupidly, told everyone I did it and had my mother take him from my custody. Now I have told the truth after this man has taken everything from us. I have a picture of 3 days after but no longer have the texts. I don’t know what to do as I am afraid I will lose my son for covering this up. I only did it so I wouldn’t lose him. I stupidly stayed and brought my son around this man for another 3 months. No more incidents happened after that. But he has 2 boys under 3 and I’m afraid he might hurt them. He almost hit me a week before I left. We are glad you reached out. If you live in Sacramento County or the custody decision will be made in Sacramento County, our Legal Department may be able to help or refer you to an attorney for assistance. You can call (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 and leave a message and a member of the legal department will return your call. You may also find it helpful to talk with an Advocate on our 24/7 Support Line who can give you resources for counseling and other supportive services at WEAVE – 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources near you – 1-800-799-7233.
My baby’s father and I got into an argument. That night he was drinking. Thing escalated fast were he slapped me and broke my window with my daughter in the back sit. When i got off the car told him to get off. He started hitting himself.
(Its not the first time he puts hands on me, so every time he did he would fell bad and start punching his face.) He wouldn’t get off so i started pushing him off .
He threw me on the floor and when I got up he threw a beer to my back. So I see that he isn’t leaving and try to get my daughter out the car and as I’m trying he starts pushing my head many time till the cops got their. I told the police everything that has happened. They arrested me Literally because i had no bruses nor blood ECT. And he did. He was even hitting himself in front of the cops. The charges were dropped but since my family bail me out because of my daughter I’m stuck with a payment. I want to know if their anyway I can fight it or make him pay because I was the victim and it’s not fair that i was arrested because i wasn’t beat up. Was i suppose to let him, no im sorry but ima defend myself. Self defense isn’t a crime. 
We are glad you reached out. Your experience was obviously frightening and frustrating. If you live in Sacramento County or the arrest occurred in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
A friend of mine was just suggested to take counseling for anxiety, but doesn’t know if she should do to other reasons beyond her. She was abused as a child, but her abuser is no longer physically abusive. Her abuser is currently a caretaker of her sister. She doesn’t want her sister going into foster care bc she knows she’s better off with her parent. But she fears that if she goes to therapy that if she mentions her childhood abuse that they will report it and take her sister from her mother. Is that how it works? Thanks Thank you for reaching out. We hope your friend will reach out for help. WEAVE’s Counselors are therapists and therefor mandated reporters of abuse. The situations in which reporting abuse is required may apply to her situation but it is not possible to know without more information. If she would like more information, she can call our 24/7 Support Line to speak with an Advocate to learn more. The call is anonymous as she need not give her name. The Support Line is 916.920.2952.
Dcf had deemed me the fit parent however the ex afterwards file a false pfa and she had them taken Coping with custody issues when you are committed to being an involved parent is difficult. WEAVE serves Sacramento County, CA – if you live in Sacramento County or the custody is being determined through a Sacramento County court we may be able to assist through our legal program. You can call (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 to leave a message about your situation and a member of our legal staff will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get referrals for legal resources in your area - 1-800-799-7233 
My BF of 2 yrs. Is a very controlling, mentally and emotionally and physically abusive. He accuses me of all kinds of things then throws me and my 3 kid’s out. All of my belongings and the kid’s ruined. He’s done this in More than 3 occasions. He threatens me so I have to leave. I’m on the lease. He’s also gotten a restraining order on me.. But he never served it properly. I’m sure he’s going to do so again.. I’m going to try to get one on him tomorrow morning… But he had taken All my money in out of gas and just plain have horrible luck. He tracks me by putting phone’s in my car I’ve called the police on several occasions the last time he threw me on The ground. I was locked in my car but he had the other set opened my car door and punched me in the side of the head . I told the police but she said I wasn’t injured bad enough. My son came over to me and lady cop. And said dad but told me to tell you I didn’t hit your mom.. She just shook her head..??? And they did nothing.. He always gets away with it.. I need to get away from him.. What do I do? I have no where to go. No help The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult if you do you feel that law enforcement believed you when you reached out for help. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help determine what resources will best for you and your children.
I had care giver for 10 years she quit. I do not know why I thought of her like a sister. I tried to contact her a few times to ask what is the reason she quit I got no answer. But all of sudden I am waken that sounds like someone hitting my apartment wall late at night. We understand that losing a long time caregiver would be difficult. Unfortunately, this is not domestic violence so our assistance is limited – we would suggest calling law enforcement if you believe someone is outside of your home.

My parents use to manage a few rentals on our street of Duplexes. They now only manage their own rentals they own. The duplex next door to my Parents Home My Parents had got this young man in for he needed help and since my Mom was managing the place at that time and had quit the job managing the duplex when it was up for rent, she of had a stroke, but still she talked to the owner of the duplex to rent it out to this young man. He is in living next door and our property butts up to his driveway and so when I blow leafs every week, many oak trees, some Leafs will blow onto his driveway. Can you believe his father has a large Landscape company in Granite Bay, our town and this guy comes over while I am blowing and yells at me to not get Leafs on his driveway? There is no possible way this can happen and so a nice man I am I blow the Leafs back into our property. This process near his driveway only takes like 10 min and it’s all clean and I’m away from his driveway. I try not to step a foot on the driveway, sometimes it is impossible when I am cleaning the yard of 3 inches of Leafs. one time he had called his dad and complained that I had stepped on his drive way and blew leafs on it. His dad came over yelling at me to stay off his property and to quit blowing leafs on his driveway, which I had alway blown clean in 10 min. His dad yelling at me on my property and he is chasing me with his fist and had hit me and so the sheriffs came. Again I was blowing leafs cleaning up our yard because it’s the day to do so, and the workers were here to put in our new driveway. The guys Father came on my property, again, chasing me with his fist, and drunk, and calls the cops on me because I was in his driveway, I had stepped on to blow our leafs towards my property. He was chasing me with his fist going to hit me and I had just had plastic surgery nose and mouth dental work, and he is trying to hit my head and missing, swinging at me, drunk, on my property because I blew Leafs on his driveway. Can I get a restraining order on the father who comes on my property and chases me swinging his fist to hit me and drunk all the time? It was so bad and scary because he is way stronger and bigger than I am I had to call the sheriffs. He was chasing me around in my garage and so I had to run into our house. Father does not live there, his son does. He is a Landscaper and understands how Leafs can blow on his driveway when our property butts up to it. 10 min and I’m out of there/ As I am blowing he had already called his Dad up and he drives over to chase me around on my property swinging his fist trying to hit me. He has done this 4 times already. can I get a restraining order on him. I should let him hit me.

Because your situation involves a neighbor and the neighbor’s father, you will need to reach out to law enforcement of a civil attorney regarding your options. WEAVE’s expertise and resources are limited to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and neighbor disputes are beyond our capacity. 
if unmarried mother and unmarried father had a argument. she leave home with daughter. in this situation father had daughter 5 days a week because mother worked full time and over time. father begged for his child calmly for at the least a month while she hid his child in three homes. she files restraining order against him claiming to fear for her life over a one armed shove. finally she got a custody order in place and was won 5 years full custody and father didnt fight. no matter the way he was punished by her. put in jail with one charge. willingly violating order 3 times. no charges. he took the dv restraining order violation. he told her everyday prior to the order he wouldn’t fight over his child. the fight was cause by mother. moved 3 times as a family the 3 months they got back together after two years she was with another man. married at that. got fired the week she came back to father for sexual misconduct. she had no income. they moved on his dime. she fought each time with the woman of the home they would attempt to move too. father slept in his car while she took baby and herself to parents. father was stressed. since the order tho. he has willingly violating the order and video taping his secret vists with his daughter out in public’s and mothers there willingly letting this happen. can he file she is a lire and only wants control. contempt to court order she placed and stating the facts can he emidietly without going to court get custody order in place to get his child back peacefully asap before she is severed or day of so the child with parents and not anyone else. Custody and implications of violating a protective order (even with the participation of the filing party) are legal questions which must be answered by an attorney. You may qualify for legal assistance from WEAVE if you live in (or the original protective order was filed in) Sacramento County, CA. You can leave a message on the legal line at (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 with a call back number and the legal department will return your call to determine if you qualify for services or to provide other referrals.
I was in a 7 year relationship with a man who began as an emotional and verbal abuser. Mostly, at the beginning there were good times, but he was always controlling about how I dressed, how much I drank, hanging out with my friends while he would go out anytime he pleased. Needless to say, for the first few years things were up and down and led to me drinking to just escape him. He is also an alcoholic. The first time he raped/sodmized me was after a night out. In the morning he said I had been bad and ridiculous and acting like a whore and he raped me. After that, every time I was bad, I was raped. He was also addicted to porn and started wanting to do things I did not want to do but I did for fear of him not loving me. After we bought a house together after 5 years of our relationship, I caught him sodomizing himself in the shower with an object and then found out this was something he had done to himself for years. I think he believed that since his secret was out that now he could make me do whatever horrible things sexually he wanted to do to me. He injured me and continued to belittle me, call me names, and control everything. I finally left after finding his emails to other women on dating sites. I have been living a sober and loving life with a blessing of a man for the past 3 years. I am involved in AA and I go to my regular psychologist, however, I really feel like I need to talk to people that understand these crazy feelings I still get and the flash backs out of nowhere and my inability to trust or treat my boyfriend like he deserves because I still feel broken. Also, I have terrible feelings of guilt because I did not press charges or tell anyone in my exes family so that he could maybe get help. I am truly concerned that another woman wil e subjected to what I was. I truly appreciate any advice/guidance.

The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged sexually abusive relationship can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
 

Child care is not provided. Please make other arrangements for care.

I have been dating an old boyfriend since august 2016. We both ended long term marriages recently within the past two years, so it was easy for us to settle into a relationship of familiarity and comfort. We have been close friends since we were teenagers, I have always considered him a part of my chosen family. In April 2017 I let him move into my apartment so he could “get back on his feet”. To date he has not pitched in at all towards rent or utilities, he does not work, and he has an alcohol problem. Before he moved in he assisted me with a difficult situation involving my daughter and an online predator, but now he does nothing to help out unless it benefits him. I have asked to leave/move out several times, but he says he doesn’t have to since he’s already living here and is on the rental agreement. He claims he has 90 days before he has to leave. Whenever I mention that he needs to pitch in, he brings up the 90 day thing and verbally assaults me. Hours later he says he’ll get a job & leave within 30 days, but that once he’s working I’ll appreciate him and want him to stay. I feel used, I feel like I’m stuck. I love him, genuinely care about him, and I keep thinking that he’ll actually get it together because he feels the same way about me. Whenever I have to he courage to discuss my frustration & expectations he calls me crazy and tells me I’m off of my medication. I have been taking antidepressants since my marriage fell apart & I recently started take anti anxiety medications because of the stress cause by this man. Last night I spoke my mind, I called him a user & a mooch. He verbally assaulted me & made physical threats. Then he contacted the sheriffs department multiple times claiming that I was victimizing him. I want to leave, but the apartment is mine & is filled with my belongings. I don’t think it is fair that I should have to leave to resolve this situation. We have verbally and emotionally abusive fights. He frequently pushes me a point that instigates physical reactions from me, then he hides behind the excuse of self defense to defense so that he can physically retaliate against me. I feel like I am being controlled, manipulated, and heed. I feel as if I am unable to escape this cycle of abuse. He has two personalities, when we are getting along he is charming and loving, I realize that this is just another way of manipulating me.

Your frustration and confusion with the situation is normal. You may find talking with an advocate on our 24/7 Support Line to be validating and helpful – 916.920.2952. The advocate can also provide you with other WEAVE resources including counseling and possible legal assistance. You may also want to contact our Legal Department to learn more about your legal options and referrals for additional assistance. You can call (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 and leave your name and a safe call back number and a legal staff member will return your call.

My husband just got out of rehab and drank on Monday. I went through his phone and found that he connected with a woman in rehab. The last four weeks he’s been asking her to come meet him and he loves her. When I confronted him he grabbed me by my hair and spit in my face. When I read all of their messages I did punch him first and I punched in part in his back when he was passed out on the couch. He got up and was beyond mad and pull back and punch me in my stomach I fell to the ground and couldn’t breathe. He then kicked me and punch me in my back and grab me by the back of my neck. At some point he must’ve grabbed me by the side of my breast because it’s completely bruised. I am not sure what to do because I’m so in love with this man. This is not the first time he’s done this and we’ve been together for two years. He generally has only happened when he’s been drinking I am not innocent either. I have hit him before when and only when he’s put his hands on me first.

While drugs and alcohol never justify violence, the presence of an addiction can contribute to an abusive relationship. Your experience with your husband sounds frightening and you want to reach out to our 24/7 Support & Information Line to talk with advocate about the feelings you are experiencing – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
My boyfriend and I live together and he beat me up and got arrested for domestic violence. I have an order of protection. Can he evict me out of spite? Thank you for reaching out. Experiencing violence can be frightening and confusing. Since the assault was reported to police and you have a protective order, you may qualify for legal protections regarding your housing. If you are in Sacramento County, California, please contact our legal program at (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with a safe call back number. The legal staff can answer your immediate questions and provide you with additional resources. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area - 1-800-799-7233.

My domestic partner for over 8.5 years has physically and verbally abused me through out our relationship. I have pictures, audio, dates of his abuse which I never got rid of. Finally, I got him to move into his own place. 
I travel for work on a regular basis, so he used the entire month to take my entire home and belongings while I have been gone. On June 3rd, he came to my home while taking more items, he punched my face, breaking my nose and causing a massive discharge of blood. I finally called 911, he fled after seeing the blood and hearing the dispatcher on the other end. I filed a protective order against him and went to court on the 20th. He did not show up and my order was granted by the judge. I just had corrective surgery on my nose and the pain was unbearable after and during recovery. I now have been told, I will need further reconstructive surgery on my nose. I have had to take off from work for court, surgery and now for additional surgery. I need to work as I live pay check to paycheck. My ex makes a very good living and I would like advice on what procedures, I need to sue him for lost wages, surgery, and distress. I am so worried about my car payment, rent, surgery costs, etc. I want this nightmare gone, but I also want to be financially stress free from it as well. Please help, any advice will do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so empathetic to your situation and can only imagine how heartbreaking this violence has been for you. We want you to know that we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. We understand that financially you feel you are owed by him for the costs of your physical trauma, and we know of a great resource that may be of help to you. There is a program called “California Victim Compensation Program” for victims of violent crimes, who may be eligible for financial assistance and free counseling services. WEAVE provides assistance in understanding and submitting the required paperwork and responding to requests for additional information. If you would like more information on this program, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and crisis counselors can provide you with more details. Also, in regards to your legal questions, we feel they would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. You may leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. 

Hi, I’m in the state of XX. Is it true that emotional abuse is considered domestic violence?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing violence within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources in your area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). You are not alone in this, we are here for you. 

if i was to stay in a safe house how long would i have to stay? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we do have a Safehouse program that people can stay up to sixty days voluntarily. Other organizations and shelters may have different lengths of stay, and rules regarding that. If you would like more information about our Safehouse program or other one’s within the community please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have a friend who is in a verbal and emotionally abusive relationship. She wants out but is being turned down because he never physically hurt her. She needs a room to get back on her feet. Can you help her? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your friend is experiencing violence within your relationship and we want to do everything we can to help her. It is so hard seeing someone you care about in a relationship where she is unsafe and we appreciate you being an advocate for her, she is lucky to have you as a friend. There are many different types of abuse, and the ones you have described should be taken as seriously as other forms, all are damaging and harmful. If you give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, we will be able to help her best. The number is 916.920.2952, please tell her to call, and crisis counselors can assess her situation, connect her to our services or resources within the community that will be the best fit to help her escape this violence and enter a safer situation. 

My mother and I are trying to help my elderly aunt who is struggling with dementia by staying with her so that she won’t be put in the system and spend the rest of her days being neglected in a nursing home. But it’s getting more and more difficult as her illness worsens and she doesn’t believe she needs any help with her condition. Not only has she been verbally abusive but she has gotten violent with us repeatedly. She attacked my mother while she was driving, almost causing an accident and tried to choke her at least once. She has also assaulted me on a few occasions, today being the latest with her slapping me, scratching my face and drawing blood, and trying to choke me. Directly afterward when I pushed her away, she immediately forgot what she had done and claimed I had pushed her for no reason. She has also kicked her dog a number of times as well. 

This may not be the best place to pose this question, but I’m unsure where else to ask. I genuinely don’t want her to end up in a nursing home where she will be drugged up and neglected. I want her to be able to spend as much time in her own home for as long as possible. But the abuse is getting worse.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you family is going through this, we can only imagine the pain it is causing all of you and we want to help in any way we can. We understand that your aunt is struggling with dementia and it has caused her to respond violently in some situations. While this is not an issue we specialize in as an organization, it is something we have immense empathy for and may have connection to some resources that may be of help to your family. One thing that comes to mind would be to contact Adult Protective Services, 916.874.9377, who may have some suggestions on how to handle the situation, not to take her away but to help you as a family help her. It also may be helpful to speak to her primary care doctor, who should be made aware of the situation and might also have some suggestions on what would be best for her. We have a 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where crisis counselors have access to our large resource guide, please don’t hesitate to call and we may be able to assess and provide you with more helpful referrals. 

I’m in a relationship right now with a man for two years but I’m currently living in a safe house because of our second domestic violence cases he has and I can’t be in the same house with him . I do love the his man but we both had a substance abuse addiction . I’m now clean of everything and I sign up for an out patient program for the last three months and have not used any kind of drugs and alcohol. I have 75 days . he had a couple of weeks clean and he is back to his old self and not using. But normally it doesn’t last long if we disagree on something he gets so angry at me and basically sabotage me.tonight he apologized to me and even paid off a loan I was struggling to pay off. He wants to get help and is willing to do any thing it takes to better himself. Where should I refer him to start beside counseling because he already has one but she keeps telling to leave me and we love each other we just need someone who’s not so quick to judge. Please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this is not an easy situation and we appreciate your honesty and bravery throughout it. We are so happy to hear that you have worked so hard on gaining your sobriety, we know that is no easy task and takes constant work. We understand that you are reaching out because the man you have been seeing is ready for help? What kind of help is he looking for? Is he wanting to work on his substance abuse issues? Perhaps some sort of group counseling environment for men in similar situations? We have a large resource guide, and if you reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line we can get you connected to services and resources that may be of help to him. The number is 916.920.2952, please feel free to call yourself or give him our number and we would be happy to help him in any way we can. 

My girlfriend hit me in the face in front of our son..and threw him on the bed..I tried to call 911 and didn’t go through not sure why..and I stormed out..its been two days and she is not good to our 11month..I need to know my options. .thanks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. We want you to know that we are here to help you in any way we can. You have several options, it just depends on what action you are wanting to take. Are you wanting to take legal action against her, such as gaining full custody of the child, getting a restraining order, filing an incident report with law enforcement? These are a few of the options. Has something like this happened before? If you would like more advice or further suggestions, please leave a message with our Legal Advocates who can give you legal advice regarding their scope of practice in Sacramento County at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and your call will be returned within two business days. And please don’t hesitate to reach out to discuss the situation with trained crisis counselors at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 who may be able to provide you with further insight or connection to resources and services that may be of help to you. 
I need help getting my son out of his house. His older brother hit him and broke his jaw. He has since recovered but we both fear it may happen again if my son returns home. Can you help him find a temp place to stay tonight? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are sorry that this is happening. We would like to recommend you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as possible. Trained crisis counselors can assess your family’s situation and provide catered referrals based on the information you provide. If it is not something we can help with, we have access to resources within the community that may be helpful. 

I live close to my brother who IS a pedophile who had sex with his own daughter. I know that, he knows that, his daughters know that, and every other family member knows that, even though he plead guilty to a lesser offense and only spent 10 years on the sex offenders list. Now his youngest daughter who he drugged and raped and had 2 boys by (she doesn’t know about that) also has 2 young girls (10 and 12) and she routinely brings them to his house for sleep-overs, swims, etc. My problem is, I’m not willing to be the one who has him locked up for life, but I cringe every time I think of what’s going on at his house, and his daughter is there at least 4 or 5 days a week with her young girls and her 2 boys who are actually her boys AND her half-brothers. What can I do to stop what is happening without being the “Judas” in the family and sending my brother to jail for the rest of his life?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is occurring within your family, we can only imagine the pain it brings you and we want to do everything we can to help. We understand you feel helpless, pulled between protecting the children but also protecting the family as a whole. We are proud of you for speaking out and breaking the silence, that takes tremendous courage and bravery. We have a few suggestions that may be helpful to you in this situation. You may call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to report you concerns, and we can file a CPS report on your behalf. Everyone who answers the Support Line is a mandated reporter so we would be required to report your concerns.CPS exists to make sure that children are in the safest situations possible, and so they could be helpful in this situation to have an outside force come in and assess their safety. You could also call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 800.422.4453 and report your concerns. These are just a few suggestions, please feel free to reach out for support, we are here for you. 

I am pregnant and the father of the baby is fully aware. We were at a local 24 hr grocery store the other night to purchase one of those week indicator tests for pregnant woman. An argument started when getting ready to leave and instead of arguing i got out of the passenger side where i was sitting and opened the back door to grab my personal bags. With both doors open on my side and the back door opening like what is called suicide doors, he goes to take off while seeing me grabbing my stuff and well aware that the doors are open. With that, he knocks me to the ground so hard i actually slide on the pavement. He stopped and tried to help and wanted me to get back in the car but i wouldnt. The store has video cameras outside and we were right up front so there is proof to him doing this. What kind of charges could he be facing knowing that I’m pregnant?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that this happened to you, it must have been very scary and we are glad to hear that you and the baby are ok. It is never ok for someone to hurt you, and it is especially not ok since you are pregnant, that is very dangerous for both you and the baby. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, you have options, and we are here to support you. First, we feel your question would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates who can answer questions regarding their scope of practice in Sacramento County. To speak to a Legal Advocate, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and a Legal Advocate will return your call within two business days. We also offer a variety of other services, such as a Safe Shelter, Counseling, Accompaniment Services, and if you like more information about all the services we do offer, resources available to you within the community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line 916.920.2952. Your safety is more important to us. 
So my husband choked me a year ago he somehow got off the charges even though there were pictures and he went to jail I saw him for the first time with his already new wife …Anyhow I was way to drunk saw them in a bar I went after them . And now I could be facing harassment charges I know this is because justice wasn’t served and I’m struggling with ptsd from what he did to me I’m lost not sure what to do “???? but am currently 50 days clean from drinking .. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we understand this is a very upsetting situation and we are sorry that you are going through this. We recognize that healing from an unhealthy and abusive relationship is no easy task and the trauma can take a long time to work through and process. There is no straightforward path when it comes to healing. We offer a variety of services that may be of help to you in this time, specifically Counseling, and Legal Services. When working towards healing, it is important to feel you have a support system and you are in control of that process, and participating in Counseling can be helpful to that. Through Counseling, you would be in a safe space to process your experiences either in a group environment with other survivors or individually. In regards to Legal, we offer a variety of workshops, (Child Custody, Divorce, and Temporary Restraining Orders), but we also have a Legal Voicemail where people can call with their legal questions as long as it is regarding the legal advocates scope of practice, which is Sacramento County. It could be helpful to discuss your situation with a legal advocate who may be able to give you legal advice on what action you can take. If you would like more information about the services we offer, resources within the community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship; he would give me silent treatments then disregard any feelings I had about our relationship when it came to self esteem. He would also set limits on when I can see friends or family and had such fits about how long it was going to be. We are no longer together but continue talking as I try to get closure. He wants to get counseling with me, but now my family is stressed out to the point of taking action against him and me. How do I reassure both parties that I will be ok?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that you have come a long way in healing from your trauma and we commend you on your strength and courage. We are sorry that you experienced abuse within your relationship, it is unfortunately a very common issue and we want you to know you are not alone in this experience. We know that you are working towards gaining closure on this situation, and we understand why your family may have some concerns about you communicating with him to gain that closure. It is hard to see someone you love in an unsafe, unhealthy situation, and we are sure that they may have some concerns about you returning to that relationship or him manipulating and confusing your healing process. But you are your best advocate, and only you can know what is best for you and your healing process. We would encourage you to still continue finding healing outside of communicating with him so you are gaining coping skills and strength, and perhaps talking with a Counselor alone about your experiences would he help in that closure process as well. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
how can my niece get help? she fled that county with a pending custody case in that county. her in laws have essentially kidnapped her son. and have done it again with the help of the court after she won temporary custody with a restraining order against her ex husband. Sac County wont help because she moved where her family and support was away from the DV. This county wont help because of the pending cases. where can she get a lawyer to help with restraining orders and custody. she has no job and no car.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are very sorry that your niece is going through this scary and upsetting experience, we can only imagine how hard it must be for her and your entire family. We do offer legal workshops regarding both Child Custody and Temporary Restraining Orders but these workshops cover information regarding Sacramento County, we are unsure if that would be helpful to your niece. We would strongly encourage you to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselors can provide resources in your county that could be of help to your niece. That way, we can gather more specific information about the situation and provide personalized referrals. 
My boyfriend moved into my home almost 3 years ago. During this time, violence developed and escalated so much that a couple of weeks ago he put a gun to my head. I’ve had injuries for which I’ve gone to the Dr, but never called the police. I have Dr records, photos, and went to a couple meetings with domestic violence counselor support.

I’ve asked him to move out, but legally, he doesn’t have to. I have to have him legally evicted, which could take 90 – 120 days or more since he’s refusing to leave.

I want to serve him eviction papers, but how can I live with him during that process. If he doesn’t kill me physically, he will emotionally.

California law in this regard is horrible!!!!

Other than move out of my own home for up to 4 months or more, or continue to live in this hell and hope he doesn’t kill me, what can I do to to get him out of my life?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this violence within your relationship and we want you to know you are not alone, we want to do everything we can to help you. We understand that you are wanting your boyfriend to move out due to him creating an unsafe environment. We recognize how hard it is to be your own advocate and recognize when a situation is unsafe, we are so proud of you for having the strength and courage to do so. We believe that there are laws that exist solely to protect people who are in domestic violence situations, so we feel there should be more options rather than having to stay with someone who is endangering your life. Due to the specificity of your concerns and your situation, we feel it would be best approached by one of our many Legal Advocates, who can answer questions regarding their scope of practice within Sacramento County. To speak with a Legal Advocate, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal question, and your call will be returned within two business days. 
How do I get involved with Domestic violence as a volunteer? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate anyone who shows an interest in giving back to the community, be it through our organization or others. We rely so heavily upon our volunteers in many different aspects of the work that we do, we would be nowhere without them. If you look on our website under the “get involved” tab, you will find a section called “Volunteer” where all the different ways you can contribute your time is outlined. We highly recommend you explore that section and then, if you have any further questions, feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselors can answer any questions you have or connect you with the appropriate party to do so. Thank you again for your interest!
I met my 77 yr old boyfriend 4 yrs ago,at first was so nice and just the man I was looking for after a bad 42 year marriage in domestic relationship. I am in love with the man i meet 4 yrs ago(after 5 yrs after my divorce of my ex-husband. I live alone. this man, will not give his name, would call several times a day, was so nice and caring, then over the 4 yrs would continue at times to be just hateful in words only to me. I would break up, block his numbers, and would not see him for months, then he would come knocking at my door, which he lives 1 hour away from me in another state. I would forgive him and things got better in the relationship so long as I did not upset him or discuss options with him. One of those, was the fact he says he will allow take care of me, and has left everything to me, and that has been 4 yrs now, and I never saw any signs of it, so now I have put my foot down and stated, I want to see that will of yours that you claim i am in it. I want to read it and he said “no”, I will discuss why you cannot when we see each other again. So now I might talk to him, might not, I don’t tell him anything about what i am doing, going, etc. He cannot stand it. We see each other at least 2 times a week or maybe 3 if something is going on. I have caught him in lies. I have broke off with him over 100’s of times in 4 yrs. but he continues to get back into my life. I am divorced and live alone, and almost 70 which is 7 years difference in us. I believe he is very sick and coughs alot and not healthy and for 4 yrs I take care of all his business calls, his ss information and everything for him if he needs me. We go on vacation about 5 times a year and he pays for all and I do all the food prep on the trips. He says he loves me each day, but is controlling, lies, and cannot be trusted anymore, so why can I not move on with my life and just think about him all the time, even when I confront him on issues like this one. (did I mention after the 1st yr, he ask me to marry him and I said yes, but 3 months later, he did not want to marry again) he wife died 3 years before we meet for the 1st time. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your concerns, we understand how challenging and hurtful this relationship must be for you, and we are sorry you are experiencing this. From what you have shared, it sounds like there are many unhealthy aspects to your relationship, such as the controlling tendencies, verbal, and many others. You described that you have experienced domestic violence in a past relationships, so you understand how challenging it can be to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy, and that there is a lot of manipulation that occurs there in order to to keep the abuser in control. What makes a relationship unhealthy, among many obvious things, is the shift in the dynamics of power and control-it is very one-sided. For example, you said that he uses his will as a way to control you, that would be him maintaining the power and control. It is very hard to leave an unhealthy relationship because of this, almost impossible, but you are not alone in this struggle. Here at WEAVE, we offer many services, such as Counseling, Legal, Safe Shelter, all of which may be helpful to you, specifically Counseling. We offer various forms of Counseling, but one that may be helpful to you would be a group Domestic Violence Counseling, where a safe space is created for all who have been affected by DV to discuss their person experiences, hear other’s experiences, and garner coping and healing skills. For more information regarding our Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I have a temporary order of protection for my husband. We are currently going through divorce and custody proceedings. Well I just checked my credit score and apparently I have a new residence listed where he’s using my social to get an apartment. Is this illegal? Is it a violation of the tpo? Is this considered identity theft? I’m not sure the legalities due to us being still legally married. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry that you are going through this. We understand how upsetting and confusing this can be and want to do everything we can to help you. Due to the specificity of your questions, we feel they would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates, who can answer questions within their scope of practice in Sacramento County. To reach our Legal Advocates, please leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, an identified-safe number to return your call back at, your legal questions, and your call will be returned within two business days. If you need any more information, be it about our services, access to resources within the community, or support, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
We have been broke up for about 8 months now that’s when I finally moved out but had to leave my home and kids with him temporarily to do that safely, we have been together 6 years before then and have 2 children together I also have a 9 year old from previous relationship. Our kids are 2 & 3 and even though he has never been directly physically abusive to the kids in front of me or that I know of. He mentally manipulates and abuses everyone around him almost naturally sometimes without realizing. Throughout our relationship he has hit me and been extremely physical not to mention overly obsessively controlling over every aspect of my life from money to friends how I dress to my family ties all helping lead to my move. Since then he still tries to control me and uses our children and my idea of what our happy family should have been to use me and get anything that benefits him. Recently he once again lovebombed me pretty hard with an amazing family weekend for Father’s day (my oldest with her father) this being the last chance I said I would ever give. Half way thru our weekend drama services and surprise there is another (not 1st) woman in his life and once she finds out about us she try to leave him and he flips out on me like it’s my fault and eventually chokes me until strangulation and sends me into a seizure. This whole time our oldest 3yr old boy is watching everything and when I come to they are both over me frantically worried.. him pleading me to stop and clam down it’s going to be ok cause he is so sorry and will be better we will go to counseling and make things right so we can be happy together with our kids. My son very mad with what he just saw his dad do starts to mumble and stutter talking nasty to him. Eventually we go to sleep and it was almost like he was holding me hostage for almost 3-4 days while he tried to beg the other girl to come back and finally I got to leave and take the kids so we are now at my mom’s where he thinks he is getting the kids for “his week” and I don’t want to see them go back alone or without me and I can not trust him but I also know the love my kids also have for their dad and I don’t want to take it away if I don’t have to but I don’t know what to do anymore. I currently have a warrant and cannot even call the police for help if he is attacking me without sending myself too for warrant with non related issue. He keeps them from me if he isn’t happy with me and I don’t want him to be able to do that either.. but he needs to learn he can’t keep hurting me as a form of attempt control and keep me afraid and nervous all the time either… I just want what’s best for my kids what should I do?? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this is a very scary and intense situation, we are so sorry you are experiencing this violence within your relationship. We commend you for your strength and courage and want to do everything we can to help you. We understand that you are concerned about going to law enforcement about this situation due to your current warrant, and want to know what action would be best to take in order to protect yourself and your children. We would suggest that you reach out to our Legal Advocates regarding this situation, whose scope of practice is Sacramento County, in order to get the best advice on what you can do, legally. You can contact our Legal Advocates by leaving a message at 916.319.4944 and they will return your call within two business days. When you leave a message, please leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to crisis counselors who can help connect you to our services, resources within the community, and provide you with support. We are so sorry you are experiencing this, and hope that the Legal Advocates will be able to provide you with the support you need. You are not alone in this, we are here to help you. 

5 year’s of being together & I was provided for and told I was loved. There was always abuse. Not just words, ugly horrible things said. Not just a slap, hair pulling, or pushing, there were beatings, kicking, broke furniture over me, and then now finely a gun. I’m in a safe place now (I hope) it’s over for me & him. There is no future for us together. I’m 48 & still a little in shock I think, but I want to know is it possible that he ever loved me? Is he capable of caring for me at all if he made me beg for my life, beat me with the gun, choked me till I passed out, broke my phone and instructed me to leave. Is there any way he could of loved me? After all he’s done unprovoked?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we can only imagine how you must be feeling and we want you to know that you are not alone in this, you have support here. We also want you to know that it takes tremendous courage, strength, and bravery to leave an abusive environment and we are so proud of you. It is difficult for us to answer your question because abuse and domestic violence is not a straight-forward issue, there are many complex factors that are involved. But we want you to know that this is a question we are certain many people who have experienced abuse and have left abuse have asked. We wish there was a yes or no answer. There could be very real elements of love within an abusive relationship but hurting someone is never ok. We understand that there is a lot of trauma that remains after leaving an abusive environment and we feel you may benefit from some of our Counseling services. We offer a variety of counseling services, from group to individual, and it may be helpful to be in a safe space where other people may have had similar experiences and are struggling with the same kinds of questions. If you feel this may be something you could benefit from and would like more information about how to receive our Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

needing legal help my daughter beat me up the shireff that day did not take my statement ,i need to know legaly what i can do about this

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this, we understand this must be incredibly scary and upsetting and we want to do everything we can to help you. Although we cannot answer legal questions on the message boards, we feel it would be helpful for you to speak to one of our Legal Advocates to learn more about what you can do, legally, in this situation. To contact them please leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal questions and an advocate will return your call within two business days. If you have any other questions, would like to know more about our services, get connected to resources within the community or just support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

[EDITED POST] In the 1970’s I was repeatedly assaulted by a law enforcement officer. I believe he is connected to other crimes. Does Weave know of any way I can be assured to collect reward money? This man has made my life miserable and I have contemplated suicide.

We are very concerned about your well-being and contemplation of suicide. Please call the national suicide hotline for immediate support should these thoughts come back 1.800.273.8255. Having read your entire post, We hear your concerns that you will not be believed. Let it be known that none of what you experienced is your fault and you did not deserve what happened to you. We are limited in the amount of support we can provide online but please call our support and information line if you would like further support: 916.920.2952. Unfortunately, we can not assure any way of collecting reward money as our agency doesn’t handle such rewards. We truly hope you find the support and answers you seek.
I am in the beginning of a very stressful custody battle. My 3 year-old’s father has done everything to try and make me lose custody. He has lied to the court, filed several false CPS reports, stalked my home and have tried to have me evicted, and have called the police over 30 times in a 2 year time span. The attacks are constant. 
Due to his erratic behaviors, he temporarily lost custody. 

He told a friend of his that he wanted me dead. He told her that he would use his gun or hire a hit man. His friend was so afraid, she got a restraining order against him. 

I moved as soon as I heard about the threats. I don’t know what to do. I know he will file papers again with the courts but I don’t think they will care. I am afraid they will grant him custody again and he will harm me during a custody exchange. Is there anything I can do? I do not think the courts will care about my or my son’s safety so I do not feel safe going there for help. 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are experiencing such alarming threats and violence, we want to do everything we can to help you. We would like to start by saying that despite the lack of response from law enforcement or even the courts, we are proud of you for advocating for yourself and your child, that is no easy task and takes a very strong, brave person. The threats that have been made against your life are terrifying and illegal, and should be taken very seriously. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. Our legal advocates can answer questions regarding their scope of practice in Sacramento County. To leave a message, please leave you name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, your legal question at 916.319.4944, and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. If you have any other questions, would like to know more about what services we offer, get connected to resources within your community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. And please, if you ever feel you are in danger, regardless, call 911. 
When a father throws his wife and young children out what can they do. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, this sounds like a very scary situation and we appreciate you advocating on behalf of this mother and her children. There are many different housing options for people within this community, depending on their situation, so we would strongly encourage you provide the mother with our 24/7 Support and Information Line. That number is 916.920.2952. Trained crisis counselors can speak with her to assess her situation personally and provide her with resources best suited to her circumstances. 

I live in XXXXXXXXXX I had assaulted my girlfriend when I was 21 and she was on meth. She said rape but I plead guilty to what i did and that’s hit her pretty hard. She hit clean i did 52 classes we got married had kids. It was rocky off and on some mutual abuse but my was bad emotional. 13 years later tells me about a program to collect her restitution from that one time. I brushed it off and said its up too you. She kept picking arguments and told Me one night she was out with some guy I threatened both and then she slapped Me with a restrain order for her and kids. I never hurt the kids and I wasn’t what she said I was. Havnt spike to her since I see her around my neighbour hood needing underground railroaded from home to home. So that is part of program ive read even she mention out earlier the year before. Can she really just get away with this and why the kids I am a good father everyone knows. Now people won’t talk to me is my pic up some where? I miss my boys. I am bad with my mouth. And memorial dumbness.. Is this what it has to be. She’s not afraid of Me. She showed up to my nieces birthday party lied at me and said you need to go

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand you are upset about this situation and we are sorry that you are going through this. It is hard for us to provide you with specific advice based on the information you have provided here but from what we understand it sounds like you have some legal concerns. Based on where you are located, there are lots of legal resources that may be helpful to you in this situation. Our legal team serves those in Sacramento County, so if that applies to you please don’t hesitate to leave a message at 916.319.4944, where a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. Please leave your name, a safe number to return your call at, and your specific legal question. If you are located outside of Sacramento County, we would recommend you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to resources in your area. 
Why would the supervisor of weave believe a girl against another girl roomie, the the other was mistreating her. No proof. Begin to join in with the untruthful advisery. Making innocent intentions into a bad face for the real victim. SHAMED Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are very sorry that you are in this situation where you feel unfairly treated, we want you to feel heard and safe. Do you feel unsafe in your living situation with your roomie? If so please check in with staff to see how they can help remedy this situation. They are there to help you feel safe and to help you feel empowered. Communication is vital to a successful relationship where both parties feel respected so we would highly recommend you express your feelings and concerns with staff so they can help you with anything you may need. You can always reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your feelings with crisis counselors and they will help provide support and resources if need be. 
I’m with this girl who threatens to kill herself every time. I go to brake up with her she also says that she will live on the streets if I kick her out what do I do Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand this is a very difficult situation to be in and we are sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship. It is hard for us to provide you with clear-cut advice based solely on the information you shared here but what we can say is that emotional manipulation is never ok within a relationship, that is a controlling-type of behavior, and shows that your girlfriend is not listening to your needs or desires. We would advise that if you do believe she has serious means of harming herself to share that information with a trusted adult. In regards to her living situation, there are many housing options for her within the community, and if she would like to discuss those with a crisis counselor please give her the number to our 24/7 Support and Information Line 916.920.2952. 
Recently my sister and her husband were involved in a domestic dispute at my home. He fractured her skull and broke her nose. Feeling badly about her situation and finding out how severe his consequences could be she asked me to take fault so that they can work on things because she wanted her family back together and the state placed a no contact order on them. 
Obviously I declined her bizarre request and now she’s trying to say I had hit her because she’s upset and I initially called the police on them. 
Since then she’s harassed me and said she will make my life hell because I ruined hers by calling the authorities. 
I had a lot of potted plants destroyed on my front lawn/porch and I didn’t know she had done it until later. Not to mention she has stolen some of my clothing. 
Long story short she’s been going back and forth to family members causing issues trying to get them upset with me and be on her side. 
Can I actually get in trouble for this? Truth is I would love to help her and her husband get out of this mess get them counseling and help them better themselves. 
I know it’s very unlikely. 
Today I asked her about an expensive jacket of mine she had been wearing the night of the dispute. 
She messed up and said. It got ruined from blood when he broke my nose. 
Is that a reliable confession and will that hold up in court if she tried to pursue false charges against me. 
My heart is broken because I love my sister and dong want any of this to be happening. But I refuse to take blame for something I did not do.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that your sister is putting you in some very difficult situations and is causing stress within your family and we are so sorry that this is happening. It sounds like your sister is in a very manipulative and unhealthy relationship and you were doing what you thought best to help her. We are sorry that she cannot see that. We would highly recommend you reach out to our Legal Advocates regarding this issue and they may have some advice that could be helpful to you. Please call at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe, identified number to return you call at, and your legal questions and they will return your call within two business days. We hope that one day your sister will realize what you did may have saved your life, and took tremendous courage to do so. 

Ten years ago escaped an ex that was violent for years with children and myself. Court case after court case, restraining orders etc. Children are college aged now. Over the years different harassing issues would occur. Now family members of the ex are coming to my job and house. It stopped for a year, now has started again. I am a professional in a medical practice, so I either have to leave my practice or …. any advice?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing these continued threats and harassment, we can only imagine how upsetting that must be and we want to do anything we can to help you. Due to the specificity of your question (regarding what actions to take to protect yourself), we feel it would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. Please call 916.319.4944, leave a message with your name, an identified safe number to return your call, and your question, and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. 
should you tell your child about your abusive past if the abuser is out of jail and in the area you are in.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that you are wondering if you should share with your child about your past trauma, that is a very challenging situation to be in. Without knowing more details about the child, such as their age and involvement/ relationship to abuser, we feel your question would be best answered by one of our WEAVE Counselors. They might be able to work with your to discuss you feelings surrounding sharing with your child, and perhaps even how to handle that conversation when and if the time comes. If you would like to discuss this with a counselor, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about receiving Counseling services. 
My life since childhood has been filled with extreme violence. I was in an abusive relationship for many years. I am divorced now. I moved to a new city with my children to restart my life. Fear follows me. Two weeks ago, for example, I woke up one night to see in the darkness an intruder inside our apartment. I ran outside and called the police on my cell phone. The man was arrested still inside the apartment with my children. I wish I had a normal life. Months ago I joined a gym. A gym membership is the only luxury I spend for me and my children. I’m eating much healthier foods now. I have cut out almost all junk food. I gave up on some other unhealthy habits. I used to sleep all night with the television on. I don’t do that anymore. I started washing dishes after meals. I started doing laundry regularly. We keep our apartment clean and organized now. It is easier now because I don’t have items most families have. I lost weight. I am now at a healthy weight, the lowest weight I have been since I was in college. My doctor says I’m actually physically very healthy. But the truth is I really don’t live. I just survive. I go to work. I go home. My life is busy helping my children with homework and family activities. I don’t even have time anymore for television. I don’t get out like most divorced people. I was faithful when married. After my divorce I have never gone on a date. I don’t even really know how to date. At the library,