Domestic Violence Message Board

Message Board

Domestic Violence Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in three business days.

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails. 

Question Answer
   
My boyfriend has physically abused me many times throughout the last 4 years, and more then ever the last 2 years. I have pictures of all the bruises but have never called the cops or reported him. A few weeks ago we were Arguing and I was cutting sausages for dinner, he came out of the bedroom to yell and kept getting close and closer to where I was cutting. He grabbed the knife out of my hand and when doing so cut his hand. He is now saying I am the abuser and he is the victim that I sliced his hand and cut him. Which isn’t true!  Hi, thank you for contacting us with your concerns. We are deeply saddened that you have been experiencing this behavior from your boyfriend. We would love to speak with you to help support you and provide you with any resources on how you would like to move forward surrounding your safety and health. Please contact us at our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 

My husband has locked me out of the house more than once and turn off all the lights. Is this considered abuse? 

 

Thank you for reaching out to us. It’s unfortunate that you have experienced this. If you would like to identify this behavior for a better understanding. Please visit our webpage. Get Informed – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 

If you would like to speak to someone for more insight, understanding, support or resources, please call our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

Husband screaming very loudly “f**k you” over and over in my face and spitting at me. It made me feel ill. What is this behavior considered? Husband has ongoing narcissist behaviors that have gotten worse ..tonight screamed in my face over and over yelling at the top of his lungs f**k you and spit on me. All in front of our poor son. My ears are still hurting as well as my head. I felt very concerned it’s been a while since this explosiveness on to me. I’ve been treated with lack of empathy, kindness, for a long time. He’s much bigger than me and very loud. I’m worried. I’m not sure how to classify this extremely loud screaming to my face and extreme nastiness. It’s very intimidating and I feel horrible even hours later.  Hello, thank you for contacting us. It is awful that you have been experiencing this behavior from your husband. To learn more about this behavior and how to identify it for yourself, please visit this webpage. Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) If you ever need anyone to speak with for further support or assistance, please call our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
my ex broke my 2 laptops, 3 cellphones and 2 led tv, is it domestic violence? she didn’t spent any money from it. she even wish my kids death and my mom, I got everything when she texted me those msgs. 

Hi, thank you so much for contacting WEAVE. It seems like you have been through so much. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. 

Please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. We hope to be able to provide you with some support and assistance during this time. Get Informed – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 

My husband has locked me out of the house more than once and turn off all the lights. Is this considered abuse?  Hello, thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your concerns are very much valid and it is something you should consider evaluating for yourself. Please view the link below to better understand the Domestic Violence and to determine if you are currently experiencing it. We hope that you found this helpful. If you have anymore questions and/or would like to speak to anyone, please reach out to our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952.  Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 
Husband screaming very loudly “f**k you” over and over in my face and spitting at me. It made me feel ill. What is this behavior considered? Husband has ongoing narcissist behaviors that have gotten worse ..tonight screamed in my face over and over yelling at the top of his lungs f**k you and spit on me. All in front of our poor son. My ears are still hurting as well as my head. I felt very concerned it’s been a while since this explosiveness on to me. I’ve been treated with lack of empathy, kindness, for a long time. He’s much bigger than me and very loud. I’m worried. I’m not sure how to classify this extremely loud screaming to my face and extreme nastiness. It’s very intimidating and I feel horrible even hours later.  Hello, it is unfortunate that you have been experiencing that. If you would like to learn more about types of abuse and if you identify with any of them, please reference the link below. We would love to speak with you further about these incidents and offer you some resources. Please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. We hope to be able to provide you with some support and assistance during this time. Get Informed – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org)  
My x tried to kill me he was charged with 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors domestic violence with strangulation etc. 
For the past 3 years on the Anniversary of the Day of the attempted murder, he has used the court system to file bogus emergency hearings and magically is given the same day as assault!!!!! 
1st Anniversary he got me in court just to see me on that day and to remind me what he did to me and judging by the look on his face he was definetly thinking about doing it again. 
2nd year Anniversary, I mean really!!!! why is this being allowed!??? 
3rd year Anniversary, yup……3rd year in a row on the same day…….Thank the Lord I had filed an ex-parte OFP hearing so he didn’t get to see me on that day until 5 days after the anniversary this year. 
This has got to be a law somewhere that abusers can’t do this to their victims???? 
Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, we’re so sorry to hear how things have been for you. While we try to answer questions to the best of our availability, legal advice is out of our scope on the message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944. 
My neighbor current is having his clothes and valuables thrown outside. I have all this evidence on my ring camera, he is currently sitting in his car with no where to go. His girlfriend or wife locked him out of the house and took his car keys. Should I call the cops or let the situation play out? I’m not sure what to do, I’m nervous something worse will happen.  Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. If you are worried for your neighbors immediate safety you can consider calling 911 if that feels like a safe option. You can also consider sharing our support line number with your neighbor, 916-920-2952, if it would be safe to do so.  
My husband is out on a personal recognizance Bond with a no contact order. According to the order is not to be within a hundred foot of me or the resident. Earlier this week I stopped at a friend’s house. After I was inside the residence for 10 to 15 minutes one of those homeowners sent me a text message saying that I need to leave because my husband was in the home and she didn’t want me to get in trouble. In that situation what should have been done and was I required to leave or was he? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, we’re glad you are reaching out for help. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944.   

 

My boyfriend tortured me for months with not allowing me to sleep. Then he manipulated me into using meth to get to work because he said it would help me feel better after an injury. I tried turning it down over and over again, but he pretty much made me do it. Now I am addicted to the drug and afraid that if I go to rehab he will hurt my 19 year old daughter. He took my car apart yesterday which is mother’s day. He has threatened my life on multiple occasions and he even kicked me in the ribs. My family and friends have abandoned me because he’s so terrible. I moved an hour away from my old home because he said he had a job. He never helped with any bills and has prevented me fr 

 

He made sure I did not have a car to drive for over a year now. I’m really scared of filing a restraining order because he threatened to “bury me 6ft under the ground” if I did. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. We believe you, and you deserve to be supported and listened to. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, I am sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. I cannot imagine how stressful and scary being in this situation must be. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and you should be able to feel safe. If you would like more support regarding this situation, please reach us at our 24-hour support line: 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. It seems like you may also benefit from support for substance abuse. www.coremedicalclinic.com  is a resource for those struggling with addiction and can be very helpful.  
Selfhelp housing put me in another abusive housing situation my roommate has threatened many times that she’s gonna get a bunch of guys to beat me up and has looked right at me saying she starts fires with gas meaning our gas stove and she has been in my room while I slept and gone through my purse tonight I caught her shining a flashlight in my window at 12 midnight when I moved she left the window but came back a half he later and whispered I’m gonna kill you through my window now she’s blowing meth threw my door and I’m on probation I cant keep the window open when I sleep cause that’s how she got in but now I cant air out my room. I’m scared she is constantly threatening me with violence yesterday she said if I go in her fridge which she uses mine too she’d break my jaw.  
What can I do I dont have money to run away from the house and my caseworker knows she’s this violent and is going on vacation. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. I cannot imagine how stressful and scary being in this situation must be. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and you should be able to have housing where you feel safe. It looks like you have been trying to resolve this issue through your caseworker and have not been getting the assistance that you need. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence. We would encourage you to reach out to you caseworker and continue inform them of your situation. You can also reach out to A Community for Peace; they might be able to provide you with services or assistance. They can be reached at (916) 728-7210. 
My girlfriend and i have sit up. She still has some of my things. I had gone to her house 3 times in a week i attempts to retrieve my items. She has now claimed i am stalking her. Yes, i am angry she wont let me get my things. Is she justified? I may have said somethings like dont make me have to break in and get my things  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your post that you are in a difficult situation. I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to not be able to gather your things. It seems like you are trying to figure this out. We would like to offer you more support on our confidential and anonymous support line. You can reach us, at (916) 920-2952. 
My boyfriend has been getting very violent in sex its been getting more and more violent and he has left bruises on me. He sqeezed my breast very hard as if to tear them off of me…I told him to stop i said it hurts i tried moving his hands away he just became like an animal and didn’t stop i have bruises on them he has also tried choking. He blames it on me when confronted saying he couldn’t control himself around me. He has been gaslight me and silent treatments before this…was he doing this as a form of punishment to get back at me after the silent treatment? Should I leave him will it get worse?? 

Hello, 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, I am sorry you are experiencing this. We would gladly like to assist you with any guidance we could offer. We are here to help you determine a solution that you believe is best for yourself. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952, to speak with an advocate and receive more resources. We are always here to support you and will be available whenever you are ready. Remember you are not alone.  

In love but husband is mentally killing me  Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. We would love to speak with you more to offer you support. Please contact our support and information line at 916-920-2952. We will be here whenever you are ready. 
Is shoving a drink in my face and trying to pour it into my mouth physical abuse?  Hello, thank you for reaching out to us with your concerns. I am sorry you have experienced this. We would identify this act as physical abuse. To learn more about abuse please visit our website Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) We would gladly speak to you more about your circumstance to offer support, more resources and answer any additional questions you may have. You can speak with us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
His drinking is making me suicidal. 9 yrs together not married but engaged 3 yrs. He went to jail for abuse and blames me. His family blames me. No one believes me and what he puts me thru. 
He got out of jail after 26 days and less than 24 hrs already started his same blaming abusive tactics on me. 
My sister is dying of 4 cancers, I’m suffering w cancer and he expects me to take the blame for his wrong doings . 
Yes this is battered wives syndrome I am sure. But I feel trapped. 
He says to me YOU are a bitch and always tired…..this is why I look at porn… 
 
I’m not good enough. I’m his catalist for excuses for his drinking problems and blaming me is easy. 
 
My psychiatrist only medicated me. But I’m severely lost and sad. 
Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry you have experienced these things. We would love to speak with you and get you connected to a counselor, as well offer you support and more resources. Please give us call when you are ready. You can speak with us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
My husband hit me repeatedly in the head while I was sleeping . He hit several times in the same spot claimed he watched a fight on pentrist and was asleep dreaming he was fighting . I don’t believe he was asleep but could he have been the next morning he said nothing to me about it but was angry at me for some reason. He had pinned me down and hit me 6 or 7 times with his fist how could he have not woke up  Hello, thank you for contacting us with your concerns. I am sorry this has happened you and is questioning your husband’s honesty. I am unsure of the history you have with your husband and if any other incidents have led you to disbelief in him. Ultimately you know your husband and your relationship best. We would love to speak with you and be of support to you in any way we can. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
Me and my boyfriend go into a disagreement and he grabbed me by my face and pushed my head against the wall, soon after I screamed at him and told him don’t ever touch me again and he pushed me so hard into the bathroom I broke my ankle . I’m so hurt and upset . I lied to the doctors . What should I do !? I want him to pay for what he has done  Hello, thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry you have experienced this. I would like you to know that you have done nothing wrong and there is not a right way to react when something like this has happened to you. You have a options, including contacting law enforcement. If you would like more support and resources with your circumstance, please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. An advocate would love to speak with you to discuss all your options.  
my ex-boyfriend fingered me through my underwear and touched my thighs and said he was going to hurt me. what can I call that  Thank you for contacting us with your concerns. I am sorry you have experienced this. I can understand how this could be a bit confusing for you. We would define this as sexual assault and emotional abuse due to his actions and threats. You can find more information and resources about intimate-partner abuse and sexual assault on our website Get Informed: Sexual Assault – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) We would love to speak with you and assist you with this. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate.  

Hi I have been married for 20 years, we have a 16 year old daughter, a 9 year old son & I am currently 8 months pregnant. My husband and I have always had a bad relationship and he has always gaslighted me and been emotionally abusive to me. About 10 years ago he started being physically abusive also. Things like slapping me, grabbing me by my throat, spitting on me & dragging me by my hair. He has done these things in front my kids numerous times, but its the worst when no one is around. Most everytime he is angry he kicks me out of the house. This has been going on since the beginning of our relationship. 

 I have tried to leave him several times over the last 10 years but I have failed to make it on my own everytime. He would never let me take the kids though & I would miss them too bad. He is always reminding me that they will always choose him over me. I love them so much.

 Everyday since then he spits on me, calls his unborn baby names, threatens me, calls me fat & stupid & last week he blacked my eye during a physical altercation that started because he tried to take my phone & keys out of my hand. This is the second time he has physically hurt me since I’ve been pregnant the first time he choked me. I have called the police to have him removed from the apartment we live in (his name only on the lease) & they said there was nothing they could do.

 If I retaliate it becomes a huge fight in front of my kids & they end up mad at me over it. I don’t know what to do. Please help

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Hi, thank you for reaching out for support. We would gladly like to assist you with any guidance we could offer. We are here to help you determine a solution that you believe is best for you and your children. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952, to speak with an advocate and receive more resources. We are always here to support you and will be available whenever you are ready.  
I am out of an abusive relationship for 2 1/2 years. But I have a new person I’m talking to , and now it seems everything I’m doing is wrong. But to me these are things I had to do to protect myself. 
My ex would freak out about any texts from anyone, friends , family etc…. so i learned to just leave my phone face down and keep my ringer off to keep from explosions. I deleted text threads for the same reasons. Especially one talking about escaping. I got in the habit of just keeping on with deleting texts. Even while single. Now this new guy, we have been on one date, tells me it’s shady. He already has trust issues, he told me. And is not happy with my explanation, but I don’t know how to show him it’s not nefarious. He said secrets are bad all around. But I can’t seem to get through his head how something that is innocent gets turned around on us in these horrible relationships. Is he giving me a red flag here? I feel as if he’s doing the same thing, getting upset over something that isn’t a big deal. I feel the fear all over again. 

Hi, thank you for sharing your experience and concerns.  

If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more on our 24 hour support line. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. You can reach us at 916-920-2952. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I was a resident in a shelter for victims of violence I was involuntarily admitted to the hospital for a mental health eval this past Friday oh I returned today and I wasn’t able to get in and then when I called they said they were kicking me out and I asked for my personal property including my dog and they told me it wasn’t a good time the dog is my therapy dog the police aren’t helping what do I do.  

There’s a reoccurring problem at the shelter they like to force people out in the last month and a half there have been out and other people willing to choosing to leave because of unsafe unfit her on ethical practices. It’s not a safe place is actually causing a lot more trauma and it’s not right. 

Hi, I am so sorry this has been your experience. You seem to need more support and options. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for assistance and more resources that may be helpful for you. We would love to speak with you and offer you support. We hope to hear from you soon.  

My girlfriend and I of 7 years recently went through a few hard times I was jailed for unseparate charges and was there for 4 months while in those four months she found a new partner and begin sleeping with him and was intimate and brought him into our home when I was released from jail I was at my house with her and my daughter when he came to the house entered the home and repeatedly punched me and beat me up while I was asleep nothing has been done nothing no charges what could have happened that caused nothing to be done….. BECAUSE BEST BELIEVE IF I DID THAT TO SOMEBODY I WOULD STILL BE IN JAIL OVER THAT  Hello, thank you for reaching out for assistance. I am sure it has been difficult to receive the justice you wish to have. This violence against you is not acceptable. I would encourage you to contact our legal department at (916) 319-4944 to address your concerns and to have a better understanding of your rights. Also, feel free to contact our 24-hour support and information line to speak with one of our advocates who could assist you with other services at (916) 920 –2952.  
Is it domestic abuse if a husband takes hold of his wifes bicep and flings her away so that she falls on her hip, injuring the ligament in her s i joint that has caused pain for 5 years nearly everyday. He says that it was my fault  Hi, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I can’t define your experience, but I can share how a definition that some find helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Sometimes this behavior occurs in a pattern and sometimes it doesn’t. If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more on our 24 hour support line. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. You can reach us at 916-920-2952. 
My husband has multiple voice recording of me being unfaithful but I been true to him he’s been constantly obsessed over the idea we have even confronted the man who said we never met it’s gotten abusive between us how can I get the recording clearly to show him wrong..  Hi there, thanks for sharing with us. It sounds like you’re going through some stressful dynamics in your relationship. You know yourself and your situation best, but we’re here to help. If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more. You can call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. 
My ex would be so abusive towards me and my naturalinsists is to stick up for people. My mom would never do anything to help me when I was sexually assaulted my whole life as a child by my dad. forced to lie crying out for help to everyone no one in my family would help once my dad gave my ex a pain pill and said sorry about my daughter I seen him on camera that day and went outside and flipped out when i didn’t want my son’s father back he was cheating. I block everything out but sometimes get unwanted flashbacks. I’m 27 and I still hate sex but pretend nobody ever wants to help me but call me crazy  Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. We believe you, and you deserve to be supported and listened to. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, it’s normal to have flashbacks and to feel overwhelmed. If you think it sounds helpful, we would love to talk with you more about how we might be able to help. You can call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. We believe you, and you are not crazy. You don’t have to go through this alone, we are here to help.  
I have an adopted son who was verbally abused by my neighbors. I protected him from these people. 
I talked about adoption as a beautiful thing and that God created Him just for his Dad and me. 
WE moved from this neighborhood. But to our surprise, he was verbally abused, without our knowing. 
He turned from our happy little boy to a child who thought he was not wanted. He was called a bastard by one of the neighbors. I did not know what to do. So we took him to a counselor and she told us that the damage was done. She said we should keep instilling in his mind that adoption was a wonderful thing. 
So I did just that. But I did not know that certain family members were doing the same things. 
 
Now that he is an adult, he is blaming me for taking too much about adoption. And has rejected me. 
His father died and he adored him. We both lost the love of our lives 
I call and he will not take my calls. But I keep trying to get him to talk to me. 
I have my will made out and have had my funeral all paid for. 
It will be a direct burial so He does not have to deal with my greedy family. 
They would take all they wanted of material things without regret. 
I have a very dysfunctional family. 
Is there anything you could advise me to do other than what I have told you? 
 
After my husband died, no one called and talked to me or my son for over ten years. 
Now they asked me to forgive them, which I did. Only to find out that they wanted money. 
 
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Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can hear that you have a lot going on, and that you’ve been through some really difficult times. I know you mentioned that you took your son to a counselor, and it sounds like it wasn’t a good experience for you. That can be so difficult. Sometimes, people have to try several different counselors before finding the right fit. Some people find it really helpful to see a counselor regularly so that they have a trusted person to talk to. You know yourself best, but if this sounds helpful for you there are a few ways you can find counseling. Findhelp.org can help you search for local mental health resources. The Hope Cooperative has a warm line you can call for emotional support at 1-855-502-3224. 

We try to answer all questions thoroughly, but our expertise is in the fields of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking. Unfortunately, your question is out of the scope of what we can answer on the message boards.  

Hello, my daughter bailed her abusive husband out of jail after he hurt her again. I dont understand why she is protecting him and she is mad at me that I called the police when he hurt her the last time. When I called 911 it was because I didn’t know if she was okay and safe and she wouldn’t tell me and I thought maybe he was standing by her on the phone telling her what to say. Im terrified for her safety but her loyalty to him is blocking her ability to see that she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. How can I help her help herself and help her understand that she shouldn’t stay with him. She is pregnant and he strangled her this time  Thank you for contacting us. I am sorry your daughter is in this situation. I am glad you listened to your intuition and sought help from law enforcement. Unfortunately, it is ultimately up to your daughter to decide what she accepts in her intimate partner relationships. As her mother, I encourage you to continue being in her corner and trying to help her make the best choices for her and the child. You can support her by providing more information on abuse and options she can seek. You can find these resources on our website Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. and a few others that I believe you would find useful. (Everyone deserves a healthy relationship – is yours? | love is respect , 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship – One Love Foundation (joinonelove.org) , Healthy Relationships: 32 Signs, Tips, Red Flags, and More (healthline.com) & Healthy Relationships – The Hotline) Please feel free to contact our 24-hour support and information line for further assistance at 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you. 
My husband has been hiring (hitting) me and then blanking me I have asked him to stop but he always saying playing with you it’s light your over dramatic called me crazy then I started fighting back but he hit me harder and then said he was playing that I abuse him for fighting back he is in the navy and i stay at home he won’t let me work  Thank you for reaching out to us with your concerns. I am sorry your husband has been treating you this way. It seems that you have been experiencing physical, mental, emotional and financial abuse. To determine this for yourself, please refer to our definition of abuse on our website Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. If you would like further assistance with your situation, support and more resources, please contact our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you. 
Who should I report this to my friend neighbor is always being yelled and I have seen her with bruises I have asked her if she is being hit by her husband but she always denies it. I don’t know if she is scared to say something but I can always hear her husband yell at her all the time and cursing at her. They have 2 kids as well. I really don’t k ow how to help her.  Thank you for contacting us. I am sorry to hear that you believe your friend is being abused by their husband. If you suspect abuse, you have an option to contact your local law enforcement, but this choice is ultimately up to you. If you would like more information and options of support for your friend, please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. It would be great to speak with you. 
Can I report an ex to police for calling me repeatedly from a blocked number, encouraging phone sex … when we haven’t talked in over 7 years? No idea how he even obtained my phone number.. when rejected and hung up on, continues to call me even after being told police will be called  Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry you are experiencing this. Contacting your local law enforcement is an option for you. Please do what you believe is the best choice for your safety and well-being. If you would like access to more resources and support, please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952. We would be happy to speak with you and support you in anyway. 
My neighbor’s fight all the time the girl has had the man arrested like two or three times. The court has placed a stay away order on him to stay away from her but they live together and now he’s back again and I can hear them fighting all day long again how can I report it or have something done about them not being together cuz there’s a stay away order 

Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. It sounds like you have some concerns about your neighbors wellbeing. In the case that you are concerned for someone’s safety, we would advise you to contact 911. Your neighber can also call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952.  

 

This is weird. I’ve been sexually abused repeatedly throughout my life. I’m 63. My last boyfriend just did this to me. I’ve blocked him. He cannot contact me. Weirdest thing. I cannot hardly remember what he looks like. It’s only been a few days. What’s going on. I’m scared. This has never happened.  Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, it’s normal to be feeling scared and overwhelmed. Everyone’s experience is different, but it’s normal to have memory gaps and feel frightened and overwhelmed. If you think it might be helpful, we would love to talk with you more. You can reach our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. We can offer support and resources for you if your are interested, you get to decide what will be best for youl.  
me and my fiancé had a dv episode about 8 months ago while we were both extremely drunk, my daughter was there and seen most of it happen and ive been really struggling lately with anxiety and I have fears of him hitting me, throwing things at me, him killing me and all kinds of things, even though he has never threatened those things EVER when we argue I get extreme anxiety and just flip out, we both want help, I want to over come these fears and he wants to get therapy to learn to communicate in a way that doesn’t trigger me, when we argue he’s not saying threats or anything to me its just more of his tone of voice (he has a naturally deep voice) and his body language, when we argue I instantly need space and want to leave and he rather talk about things right then and there. other then the dv that happened 8 months ago we have a really good relationship I just think im struggling with PTSD, I really want help but ive been afraid to get help since we have kids and my thoughts get so dark and scary im not sure if they’ll report it. Again he doesn’t threaten to harm me and he never has its just my mind is dark and my anxiety is really high… can you guys help us???  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, from what it sounds like, your family and you are going through a lot at the moment. If you would like more support regarding this situation, please reach us at our 24-hour support line: 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. 

I have a toxic family and would appreciate not having to constantly feel weak at my parents words. Emotional abuse. Nothing physical. My whole life emotional abuse. 

I’m 21 now and I’m mentally exhausted. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a lot, in the moment. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
Can I report an ex to police for calling me repeatedly from a blocked number, encouraging phone sex … when we haven’t talked in over 7 years? No idea how he even obtained my phone number.. when rejected and hung up on, continues to call me even after being told police will be called.  Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. Yes, you may report their actions to the police if that is what you would like to do. That is a very reasonable reaction to their behavior, to maintain your own safety and peace of mind. If you would like more support regarding this situation, please reach us at our 24-hour support line: 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. 
My daughter is 28 and her boyfriend is 35 , he just beat her, she has a concussion and double vision, was reported to police . Case number given but they have not served him yet with the 7 day restraining order, she is terrified but started responding to his messages. She will not press charges can I press charges she lives with us. Caught them meeting and he took her to his house. If this restraining order was served he would of not contacted her. I can post in the news paper what he did to my daughter, can I report it to his work?  We’re sorry to hear you and your daughter have experienced this, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. We do our best to answer all the questions that come our way, but unfortunately offering legal advice on our messages boards is out of our scope. Although we cannot make decisions for our loved ones, we can remain supportive and understand that they know their relationship best. It sounds like you and your daughter might benefit from some more support, and if you’re comfortable we would love to talk with you more. Either of you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952 if that sounds helpful. We can connect you with internal services including things like legal and counseling – everything is voluntary.  
My husband hits me and chokes me and kicks me and strangled me and says he will murder me. He punches me and grabs my arms grabs my body parts and gropes me. At this point I am terrified to leave and for people to see me covered in bruises. I know he is going to kill me because he tried previously and something went wrong. I have nowhere to hide. His family and friends All support him in beating and murdering me. He also claims that he beat his ex fiancé (who had serious mental l illness) and his mother calls her atrocious profanities. He said his family will “crush” me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. I am sorry you have been dealing with such violence and harmful threats. We would love to provide you with some immediate support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We live together but it’s my name on the lease. He doesn’t work and doesn’t pay bills, the only thing he contributes is groceries once a month when he gets his food stamps. He struggles with alcohol and usually drinks a pint a day. He’s promised to stop in the past and will go as far to walk 4 miles to the liquor store and back if I refuse to take him. Recently we have gotten in some pretty bad fights, I hit him once and he chocked me hit me and put a hole through the bathroom door when I was inside. I want to leave him but I don’t know how to in a way that won’t put me in danger. We also have an 8 week old puppy he is threatening to take if we break up. I made sure to get the puppy’s insurance and 1st round of shots in my name. But he says he has proof that he is his since his friend gave him to him. I’m scared of loosing the puppy, because I love him, but also because I know my boyfriend can’t take proper care of him. He won’t get his shots done, he has a bad habit of hitting him to hard, he won’t buy good dog food, and when his old dogs got to be too much he just let them run away. I just want him out and my dog safe. If anyone has advice I would appreciate it.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. I am sorry you have been dealing with such violence and harmful threats. It seems that you are in fear of you boyfriend, for yourself and the safety of your pet.  We would love to provide you with some support as soon as possible, and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I’m gay, and had to leave college to stay w my religious, homophobic family for the first several months of the pandemic. The day I was due to (secretly) leave, my psychopathic brother attacked me. I almost died and have been physically scarred for life. 
 
My brother is a cop, faced no repercussions (my injuries were framed as an accident by my whole family) and has a history of cyberstalking me. Im living with my boyfriend and have changed my name, and feel mostly safe now, but I’ve recently started looking him up compulsively. I know it’s unhealthy bc it sends me into anxiety attacks and fits of depression but I can’t bring myself to tell my therapist about it. I just want to know why I’m doing that. It feels so shameful and self defeating - logically, I know how stupid it is. Do I want him to find me or something? Please, I’m trying so hard to move on. I just need an explanation for my own behavior. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being open with us about what you have been experiencing. I am sorry that you have been attacked by your family. It seems that you could benefit from a few of our services. We would love to help with your safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. 
My boyfriend uses to do drugs before we met I use to drink. He had 4 years sober, and I drank some he did too. He said alcohol was never a problem. Well over a year ago he wanted to do drugs. He said it’s like a sex drug because he knows I love sex. Well…..we got pregnant big surprise. I stopped drinking anything. I drank some for a couple months then would stop almost a year had 3 years. So more off then on in our relationship. He continued drugs and would stop and start. His drugs make him watch porn and totally detach. I got mad at him and threw nuts at him a roll of toilet paper pushed him another day. Mind u I was pregnant. He was not helpful. I asked for an English muffin during morning sickness. He yelled at me said I was controlling him. He would take me to baby doctor and would leave to do drugs and get them because with covid he could not come in to Doctor. He gets mad at me when I tell him his drug use is killing me. I am sad and depressed. I joined Alaonon. He said I was abusive because I threw those things at him. He got mad at me and pushed me off bed. He chocked me the other day because he was in bathroom 5 hours and I had to pee. I told him I can’t take his drug use anymore. He gets mad when I ask him about it. Says me telling him to stop makes him go and want to go and get more. I said I would support him. I started drinking some after baby was born to cope. Reached out for cooling for me. And counselor called CPS thought my kids were in danger. I never said a word about my partner. So now we cannot get outside help. I go to zoom Alaonon and church now in my mask. Buy am I an abuser because he drives me out of my mind with drugs Jeopardizing his job, family, health…etc.. I’m so sad. I don’t want to break up.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE to receive some support. It is saddening to read what you have been experiencing. I hope we can provide the guidance you may need. We can’t define your experiences for you but we can offer our definition of domestic violence which some find helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you, and if you think it would be helpful we would love to talk with you more about your circumstance and offer you some additional resources. We hope to hear from you very soon. Please give our 24-hour support line a call at 916-920-2952. 

What can I do with the Washington County police didn’t help my daughter and grandbaby with the man that beat her? 

I called the cops after hearing the boyfriend beat my daughter? With the baby in the home. The boyfriends mother did the same thing to and didn’t help her. I was in a decent relationship for 20 years. I’m at a loss that they did put the abuser im jail!! She’s tried to leave he don’t allow it. The police have been a few times. I don’t care how many times. U never ever leave a child and and mother in the home with a abuser!! If they was to lazy to do the paper work they don’t need to cops. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear you and your daughter are going through so much. It can be so terrifying and frustrating to watch your child go through something like this. While this can be scary, we must trust that they know their relationship best. We can’t make the choices for them, but we can support them and be there for them, which it sounds like you’re doing. Some find our safety planning PDFs helpful. They can be found at: https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. The national domestic violence hotline can also offer 24 hour support and information via phone or chat. They can be reached at: 1 (800) 799-7233 

http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ 

My question is how long do I stay? 
 
Why does she treat me like this? 

 

Back-round time; 
My Fiancé and I have been together for 15 months, at the beginning her life was a mess, and mine was not in much better shape if not worse. Both of us have very different kind of issues. They have been caught talking to old flame of which has an active order of protection against them. Truthfully, I did take it upon myself to look though the phone. Invading privacy sure, but I feel that once we have been sexual privacy kinda becomes shared. I am very open with my phone and anyone I chat with even in passing. Upon asking her about it she turns the blame and makes me feel at fault. 
 
we fight about a few things here and there, I am not the greatest at sticking to my word from time to time, I feel like I don’t want to upset people by sticking to my guns so I tend to lean on just agreeing that I’m the bad person. I know I could be better and I actively try to correct my faults before they happen and then when they happen trying to learn. 
Cut to recently she has been talking to some guy on snap for a month and is still calling victim. Guy lives in Florida so even if it is cheating, I love this girl and want to figure it out. 
she has hit me a few times, threaten to kill me or herself.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you recognize that certain aspects of your relationship aren’t healthy or how you would like them to be. It can be difficult to navigate these types of things, we would be happy to talk with you further through our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. You’re the expert on yourself and your relationship, but some find it helpful to have external support, if you think it would be helpful you can also contact Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling.  

My husband and I have been together for just over 3 years we have two kids together (our oldest, 2, was born out of wedlock). The abuse at first was very minuscule seeing as we live with his parents for the first 2 years of us being together. At first it was just manipulation, he would manipulate the circumstance to best suit himself even if that meant contradicting himself. And if I called him out on it he would just say that I was crazy and that he never said that. For the longest time I couldn’t see what he was doing. He was slowly building thing up to the point where I started questioning my own sanity. Even simple things like events that never took place or even whole conversations that happened, he would try to convince me they hadn’t. At the time I was very heavily influenced by the way that I was raised. That being that the woman is to submit to the man and the man is in charge of everything and anything and everything the man wanted, he was supposed to get. Whether I wanted that or whether it was wrong or not. That leaves a lot of lead way for the man to do whatever the fuck he wants. He then started to use that against me whenever he wanted sex but I didn’t. This happened quite a lot. He frequently tried to make me feel bad and guilty when I said I didn’t want to. He would tell me that it’s my responsibility as a wife to give him what he wants. Because I had given my body to him and that I belonged to him so if he wanted sex then he should have it. He would make me feel so guilty and bad half the time that I complied. And when I didn’t comply he would blame me for his actions.

About two weeks ago now, we got into an argument about the house is never cleaned and that I’m lazy and a fucking slob and how nothing ever stay cleaned (we have two children age 2 and 7 months in a tiny house. No shit) and how I don’t do my job (btw I’m a stay at home mom). He told me me everything better be cleaned by the time he got home or else. I said, or else what? He said or else I’m going to tie you up and take you to Alabama where I can beat your ass (we live in Florida). I was in total disbelief and didn’t really know what to say. I wouldn’t put it passed him at this point. I try to act as if what he said hadn’t shaken me and tell him he will do no such thing. He then goes into our bedroom and proceeds to take our laundry basket full of clean, folded clothes, and starts throwing them all over the room, he knocks down a couple of things that are on the dresser while he’s throwing clothes everywhere and then throws the basket on the floor. He walks out and tells me I better have this shit cleaned up before he gets back home. I broke down in tears after he left.

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. No one deserves to experience this. We can’t define your experiences or relationship, but we can offer definitions for certain terms that can be helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. Additionally, we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. This includes forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or do anything to you without your explicit consent. Your body is your own. The safety of yourself and your children is the most important thing. You know your relationship best so you get to make those choices – we have a safety planning handout that some find helpful: https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. You can also call or chat the national domestic violence hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233 

http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ 

 

Why do I wish he would have killed me?  Hi there, thank you for writing in – it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. It’s normal to feel this way when you’ve been overwhelmed and experienced something terrible. Please know that you are not alone, and it’s ok to feel this way – there’s nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be supported, and we’re here for you. You can call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. You know yourself best, but we can offer support and resources that might help during this time. Crisis Text Line also offers 24/7 support. If you text “HOME” to 741741 you will be connected with a crisis counselor who can provide a listening ear and help with things like safety planning and coping skills.  

I was abused by narcissist who has had me falsely arrested for DUI because I tried to kill myself the morning before on a Saturday that’s Sunday evening I finally I was fed up and tried to escape. It was really bad weather and I flipped my car because I overcorrected when I hit a puddle. I’ve dealt with this man’s abuse emotional and intimidating me by hitting walls next to my head. I’ve been falsely arrested and now come to find out I probably will violate my probation because he canceled my SR-22 without my consent and I am being treated like crap I’ve had to pay the ultimate price for being emotionally abused and intimidated and treated like crap I have lost everything thrown out on the streets being disabled the cops told me to leave and go to a shelter.

 I think that narcissistic abuse since it’s one of the worst types should be considered domestic violence but every time I call the domestic violence hotline they tell me there is nothing they can do for me because I was not hit or physically abused. What is wrong with the situation I know how both feels and like I said I’d rather be physically abused than what I have just went through and I have to pay the ultimate price for being abused and cannot get help being the fact that I was disabled and abandoned. This is a messed up situation and I believe something needs to be done about it because people like me are just left to deal with it and put in jail for nothing like we’re not already traumatized enough

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a lot, in the moment. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
My girlfriend of 8 yrs, we have a child together, and when we argue she always gets up in my face and tells me she wishes me dead and she says to me please go somewhere and commit suicide and kill yourself, I wish and pray you would die that this would make her so happy and will celebrate and throw a genuinely didnitnhe committed suicide thank god I’ve never once said those words or had the thought or said these words or anything about this and she always says this to me even in front of our children 3 and 9. Is there any legal recourse or laws against this? I call it sociopathic bullying. What, if any, legal recourse and sources are there? She is physically violent. She hits me, slaps me, punches me. If she hurts herself when I block her blows she calls the police and I go to jail 3 times now in Texas. What steps should I take, please please help me. I’m male she is female.  

Hi there, it sounds like you have quite a bit going on. While we try to answer all questions, offering legal advice on our message boards is outside of our scope. You mentioned you’re living in Texas, unfortunately our legal resources require you reside in Sacramento County. We would recommend contacting your local courthouse or police department for more information regarding legal action in this situation, if you are comfortable doing so. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for more support at 1.800.799.7233. 

 

How can I get help I just called the police on my husband but they didn’t do anything 

Please help me 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a lot, in the moment. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 

Does your company help someone who is going through an emotional abuse?, where there is a woman who live with a family, & she is mm of blood related but is used for money the family is being control by her bank no rest hardly. She has a pacemaker & is really trying to avoid stress from struggling to survive. Emotionally she is filled with a lot of anger & sometimes harm herself to feel good. Do you help women like that? 

She use to live in her car for 8 yes & is deciding to go back & live in her car just to have peace again. She is going through an emotional stress thats gone to harm herself or others 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. 

If you or she feel comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options there is available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. It seems that you have been experiencing some challenging circumstances. We would love to provide you with some support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for assistance with providing resources for your daughter. To further assist your concerns about how to move forward, please call our 24/7 support line at (916) 920 -2952. We will be happy to connect you to the appropriate resources. If you are in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support. However, this decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel most comfortable with here. 
Ive been married for 13 years and we have both struggled with meth addiction and it has destroyed so much. It’s a cycle that never stopped no matter how hard i would try to make my husband happy he would relapse and fall right back into the lifestyle of cheating and disappearing for days it’s like his mind was so invaded by pornography and the fantasies that I could never please him and he would in turn go further and further in order to be satisfied. To the point where i caught him in so many situations that i have no choice but to question his sexual preference and now really think that he has been cheating with men and women. If he was ever questioned or caught the situation would get very intense and he is a lot bigger than me so ultimately if it got physical i was getting hurt. All the trust is gone there is no even knowing how to deal with any of this because unless I saw it, he will never admit it. This has worn me down to the point where i finally took our 2 kids and left him. I’m so lost i had to go to homeless shelter because none of our family wants the drama and, in the past,, he has caused a lot of problems. I realize there is no easy solution for any of this i loved that man for almost half my life and yes I’m hurt and betrayed by him and yes i feel like he should have been honest ( I don’t think he can even admit this to himself) but as the father of my kids and someone I thought i would be with forever I don’t hate him i just wish he could maybe be ok with himself enough to live a happy normal life. This is not what I signed up for at all he knows that i would not have stuck around for as long as i have if he would have been honest. It’s not fair for either of us in different aspects. I just want this all behind me this more than i can process. My kids and I were put through way too much over all of this. I just don’t know what to do from here.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. It seems that you have been experiencing some challenging circumstances. We would love to provide you with some support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I have been with my fiancé for 15 months. The entire 15 months he has been promising to do two specific things for me. He still hasn’t done them. When I bring it up he turns it into a fight and blames me for being a terrible person. I’ve supported him the whole 15 months and he is needy. I’ve done everything he’s asked of me. Am I wrong for asking and wanting him to keep his word? I feel I’m being emotionally abused.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. At WEAVE we define abuse as improper use or treatment of a person or a thing. Most of the time it is a pattern of behavior, although this may not always be the case. Emotional abuse can be things such as putdowns/insults, excessive criticism, blaming, manipulation, and gaslighting. If you’re comfortable, you can reach out to our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 to speak with someone. All our services are optional and confidential and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you, you know yourself best.  

I am in the middle of a court battle with my ex girlfriend. We ended up becoming mutually toxic and abusive to each other. I ended up with pending charges. This is going to sound surprising, but I genuinely want to be able to support victims of domestic violence (which psychological abuse has a long term negative effect on your brains functioning) but that’s not an easy case to prove. 
Anyways! I was wondering if you could provide me with some tips on how to support and volunteer for causes like these with a pending record. I am having so much trouble finding jobs and now I found a passion for helping kids like i was who suffer from long term ACE. 
If you have any advice on how I can still support my community, please respond! 
P.s. soory I didnt know how to email you directly. 

 

My circumstances seem highly questionable but I am finally ready to become a better person than I was before. I had a weak value system and didn’t stand up for my boundaries when I needed myself the most. I refuse to let my past traumas continue to hinder my future. And I know my purpose is to help young adults or kids prevent themselves from walking down the same path I had to in order to find my purpose. To help those who have no voice, learn that they do matter and their voice was made to be heard. Proud Supporter of ACE programs. 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You took the first step, and it sounds like you want to make positive changes. We try our best to answer all questions, but any legal advice is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support and clarification about your pending charges. If you are looking for support during this time, you can also call Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. 
I’ve been dating my fiancé for almost 3 years. A couple weeks ago we got in a fight and he almost chocked me to death, gave me a black eye and humiliated me. I haven’t told anyone but I took pictures of the abuse and wrote my story down in a Google drive, I don’t trust anyone to tell, my family lives in Europe and I’m in the USA by myself. I would like to have someone notice the authorities if I happen to disappear and give them the password to my drive where all the evidence is. Is there anyone who could help me with this? He is a rich man and things he’s beyond the law.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, and opening about your situation, it is clear you are going through a lot at the moment. We truly admire your strength, you are not alone. We want you to know that we are here to support you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
I need help to leave far away. Like states away from where I am with my kids. If they won’t come (they can stay with my family). But, I have got to go. My ex has ruined my life here and lies about me and threatens me. The police won’t do anything it is like a game of cat and mouse for them. I have a protection order but it is a joke. I can’t tell you how many times I have called the police. So, I give in to my ex’s threats whether it be sex or taking him somewhere or just entertaining his time. I’m miserable!! Someone told me the other day that I give in out of fear of what he may do. I have to leave the state I am in. He has done everything from hit me and then pull out his phone and record me crying and trying to shove him off of me so he can tell his friends and put it on social media saying that I am the abuser. When it is a lie!!!! He snapped photos of me getting out of the shower and posted it on social media so I would take him back one time. I have changed my number maybe 5 or 6 times this past year alone. I get emails by the hundreds everyday and texts. He put me in the hospital one time and beat me so badly that I had a neck brace and shifted my jaw. The next day I called my boss because I couldn’t come to work beat up and every blood vessel in my face and eyes burst from him choking me so long and she fired me because of it. I have lost jobs from him coming into my workplace and stealing. He has isolated me from everyone. Made me look like an idiot in front of my family. My life here is not repairable because it is a very small town. I moved to the next town 20 mins away a year ago because I thought it would give more distance since I couldn’t afford to go further, but it didn’t work. My life is ruined here and he has even ruined my new career in real estate. I need help and the help is not here and this is only a small piece of the things he has done to me the last 4 years. He is obsessed with me and he says he will never let me go that we are meant to be together. Saying he is obsessed is an understatement. I may be the next girl you hear about on the news because the situation is that bad. I can’t live like this anymore Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and opening up about this, it’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now. We appreciate your bravery and honesty. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe with your kids. It looks like you are trying to figure out the next steps for your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
I discovered I’m a violent partner, as in I’m insecure, controlling, tell him what to do, control who he talks and hang out with and control his internet access. I wasn’t always like this but I discovered he was lying and cheating all this time, also discovered his porn addiction and ever since then I’ve become really toxic. I know I need help but idk how to go back to trusting him and how to help him and myself. I love him but I can’t even sleep at night because that’s when he goes to watch porn. What can I do to help me and him with this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you have a lot on your mind, and are in a tough situation. It is important to realize one’s behavior and we are glad you reached out for help. We encourage you to contact A Center for Recovery (800) 444-1014 or http://www.acenterforrecovery.com/, this program helps with all types of addictions, including pornography. You can also call Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  
Hey there. So my father and brother got into an argument that led to a domestic event in which my father was arrested. He punched my brother’s face in the mouth and he split his lip open. The police were called. The only reason he hit him is because we he was black out drunk. My father is the nicest person ever sober. But if je gets a hold of liquor it’s bad. This is the first time in 15 years he has had liquor and he has never committed a violent act on anyone. I’m not trying to defend him but even my brother, the one who was assaulted, said he knows that’s not who my father really is. I’m so nervous about so many different things even though I’m not the victim, I’m feeling everyone’s emotions on it. My brother was also tipsy but my father was literally barely conscious. We all live together. After the court case is there a chance they will order the 2 of them not to be around each other? Neither one of them has another place to go. My family has stuck through thick and thin together and alcohol was a dark force involved in this that shouldn’t have ever occurred. We want the family to go back to normal but I’m so nervous that it won’t. We all just bought a new home together a few weeks ago as well, and my father is extremely sorry for his actions and swears off drinking ever again. Any advice???  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, it’s brave of you to share your story. It must have been so frightening and disorienting to witness violence between your father and brother. It’s normal to feel anxious an uncertain in situations like this. All of your feelings are ok. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We can offer you some resources as you navigate this confusing time. A Community For Peace works with intimate partner violence as well as family violence. You can reach their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210 or their regular business line at 916-723-5613 between 10am-4pm.  
My wife has abused me sexually, emotionally, and mentally, among other ways. Why does no one believe men victims?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, that takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you’ve been going through a lot. We are glad you reached out. You deserve to have your story heard, and to feel safe and supported. There can be a lot of stigma around male survivors, but you should know that you are not alone. If you are comfortable, you can reach out to our 24-hour support line at: 916-920-2952. We have a variety of services that might be helpful to you, and they are all voluntary. You’re the expert in you’re own situation and you know what will work best for you, but we are here 24/7 to provide you with support and information if you want it. 
Have an insane alcoholic brother living in my home. I live in Spokane Wa. Verbal abuse and disrespecting the other roommates what can I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are sorry to hear that so much is going on in your home. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation. You deserve to have a home that feels safe. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. But you are not alone, we can recommend some resources that might be helpful for you. Substance and Mental Health Services (SAMHSA) has resources for services that could be helpful, you can reach them at their 24 hour confidential hotline 1 (800) 662-4357 or go to https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline . 
My fiance has never been abusive toward me but we got in a stupid fight. He went and got a knife to cut my ring off. He cut me enough to draw blood. I got really upset and laughed at me like its no big deal. Should I leave?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It can be so disorienting when the person you love behaves in a way that scares and hurts you. No one deserves to experience that; you deserve to feel safe. The decision to leave is yours alone, as you know your situation best, but we can provide you with support, resources, and information during this difficult time. If you’re comfortable you can call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 and we would love to talk with you more. 
Hello, 
 
My name is Julie and I am based in Modesto, California. I am currently in the process of publishing a book about domestic violence. Would I be able to donate a copy to your organization to use as a resource? 
 
Thank you for your time, 
 
Julie Bernardo 
Hello Julie! Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE! Congrats on your book. We appreciate you thinking of us. For donation inquiries, we suggest calling our business office at 916-448-2321 for more information. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Stay safe! 

If I hit my girlfriend and no cops were called and then a few days later she spit in my kid’s face and then the cops were called would I still get in trouble still I think yes someone else said no 

  

  

Wondering what would happen

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope and we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident.  
I finally got brave enough to file a report on my abuser because we have had two months apart and I am starting to see things clearly. Instead of feel sorry for him, I’m starting to see what he did to me and I don’t want it to happen to anyone else. Plus He thinks we are still a couple and will be crazy when I tell him I don’t want him back up here. A police officer told me the thing that would be asked the most is “why now”… It makes all the sense in the world to me. I’ve been extremely trauma bonded to him so much so I’m still wondering if I should file charges. I have lots of pictures of the abuse. The police came to our house 18 times in 2018, less in 2019 and less in 2020 because I learned how to be quiet and not fight back. I always told the police he didn’t hurt me. He did. What do I say to combat the “why now” question. ? I’m already safe from him. I am the one who allowed everything to continue. He said I would have to sit in court and prove it in front of a jury. He said since it happened dozens of times he could end up in prison. I don’t want it to look like I’m being petty or vindictive. Please help  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to hear this information. It is normal that you are feeling the way you are feeling. You are entitled to feel however you want about this situation and it is not your fault. It seems like this has been a lot to process.  If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I am a victim of domestic violence and unlike many before me I am a survivor. Back in October 2020 I was physically assualted by my boyfriend and I finally told him that I couldn’t take it anymore. I said look these bruises all over me are from your hands. I asked him to please get help with his drug abuse which fueled his abusive behavior towards me. He says to me so what are you saying that I abused you. Then he said I will never stop using marijuana and if you don’t like it then get the f out of my house. This was the home I’d lived in and took care of him and everything in the house for almost 4 years. Two days later he served me eviction notice and told me I had 7 days to get out. 90% of everything in the house belonged to me. I responded to the notice in time just asking for a reasonable amount of time for me to find a job and a safe place to go being I have no family to help. Once he realized he couldn’t just toss me out in a week he began his mission to destroy my life. He just served eviction but now he forbid anyone from coming on his property to help me pack and get out. For the next month I endured his abuse emotionally, physically and was sexually assualted. I made a appointment to meet with the judge to file a TPO on him but he managed to get me served first literally 24 hours before I had someone coming with a moving truck and my neighbor had rented a storage unit. My world was turned upside down as I now became homeless and broke. I had to seek shelter in a Domestic Violence Shelter that my own mother founded. [Shortened for length]

This has been the biggest battle and fight of my life. Please help before I become a Casualty of Clayton county Ga Courts. I might die trying but I will not remain silent anymore and MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD. [Name redacted for privacy]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to be going through this. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we suggest reaching out to your local courthouse for legal advice and/or assistance. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
my ex and I had toxic issues in the past that left with a night in jail, paying out of pocket for a lawyer, other court fees and paying out of pocket for court ordered D.O. classes. At the time of the incident he ended up needing stitches. He was not working so he has general state medical insurance. That was may 2019 now he’s trying to make me pay his medical bill. Are there proper steps i should take? or can i obtain his medical insurance records to prove he has his own insurance? im in the state of MN. thank you  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we suggest reaching out to your local courthouse for legal advice and/or assistance. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Hello. I am currently living in the home that I shared with my now ex boyfriend. He was arrested for assaulting me & strangling me. The case in awaiting it trial start. Since the incident, December 27, I have been non-stop harassed & stalked. My children & I feel safe in this home, & I’ve continued to pay rent. Our neighbors & police all work together to keep us safe. The house in my ex boyfriend’s name with his father as a non- occupying co-borrower. His parents have moved in, moved out due the stalking order. However the stalking order didn’t stick because they didn’t cause physical harm. Since the stalking order has been removed, the parents have been outside the house every single day. I’ve been served with a 30 day notice & they are now saying they are going to list it tomorrow for sale. I haven’t had a second to catch my breath. Constant watching 24/7, following & photos taken. A home inspection with photos relayed to my abuser. I now have a variation of trauma induced agoraphobia. Do I have rights in this matter? I’m scared.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support or our legal team at (916)319-4944 for additional information. 
Should I break up with him if sometimes when he gets really angry he throws things? Not at me ever. He recently threw his phone and crack my windshield. He didn’t mean to damage my car, but now I’m confused  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. I am sorry that you have to deal with type of behavior. Whatever you are feeling right now is normal and valid. While dealing with this relationship might be tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My 33 year old daughter and 3 year old grandson was being abused by her boyfriend, he was beating her and threatening to kill her, she left before but always went back. Anytime she called police he’d convince them it wasn’t true and beat her so much worse when they’d leave. She’d fight back, he’d fight harder and hurt her worse. She called my husband and myself for help “come now I need help I’m leaving bring protection he’s going to kill me. Hurry mom please I’m scared” my husband grabbed his gun and we went to save her. My husband was arrested gun was locked in truck. But neighbors are friends with him said gun was pulled now my husband may go to jail for trying to protect my daughter. Any advice? We’re in ohio and her boyfriend stayed there but wasn’t on lease.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope and we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding legal & the filing process. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 

what can i do i was assualted with a baseball bat by my next door down neighbor fractured t11,broken right hand ,concussion,and right eye was gouged pretty bad, i just was told that the prosecuting attorney is not going to press charges . I had a friend who saw the whole assualt begining to end vwhat can i do im fricken furious 

 

he had a loaded AR- 15 and a glock loaded with safetys off laying on his couch 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation and it makes sense why you are upset. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we suggest reaching out to your local courthouse for legal advice and/or assistance with a restraining order. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I am the step mother to three amazing kids (12-17). Their parents’ divorce was pretty rough, and their mother manipulated them to use them as leverage for financial gain. Over the years, she has become increasingly emotionally and mentally abusive as well as neglectful. She is also in a relationship with a man who beat her in front of the children. They beg us to help them. They have all said that they are terrified of their mother and have all said they don’t feel safe around her and are afraid she will hurt them. There have also been comments made that imply that they all want to hurt themselves. We spent all of our money on attorneys, but unfortunately, the court system and CPS give her the benefit of the doubt and have done nothing. Two kids have asked for counseling, but she refuses to allow that stating that the kids are fine and that we are the issue. She isolates them from adults, especially anyone that’s a mandated reporter. I know there are some counselors that will work with kids without consent from both parents. The other challenge is that we only have them every other weekend, so it’s hard to find a counselor that will do that and has a flexible schedule. These kids need a safe space where they can be who they are, express their fears, and find their voices. I want them to grow up to be happy productive adults. I want to help them, but I feel hopeless and powerless. What resources are available?  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you and your step children are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your courage to reach out for help. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24-hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. I do want to remind you if there are any concerns for you or your children’s safety that you contact your local law enforcement agency or 911. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Hi. I am a landlord. I warned the tenants if I hear any more domestic violence I will boot them both out. 

 

Additional comments:  

 

I warned the tenants if I hear any more domestic violence I will boot them both out. I do not mean to be callous, i was assaulted over 50 times, and now that I have been reading about domestic violence, its upset me, because I realized I have had domestic violence. I never even condidered it even when my lover said he kill me and held a gun on me, and all the men who verbally abused me. So wake up call. The violence I hear is shouting really loud, enought for it to travel to my home and wake me up at 2 am. Cursing, smashing the door shut. She turns out to be a piece of work herself, a grifter I just found out, conned her way into my rental with the Fires in california, but turns out she did not lose her house and is scamming FEMA, gofundme, so not a nice couple and it triggers me horribly. I gave them a 2700 off a month to help them thinking they had lost everything, but now I see they played me as a fool. They were opportunists. I am scared of the man. I am small a elder and bed ridden, so I feel in danger. Thank you for this site. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It looks like you are looking for help with this situation, if you are open and have not done so already, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted person in your life. These people can be family, school counselors, teachers, therapists, and doctors.  If you would like additional support or information, we would be more than happy to talk with you on our 24/7 anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952. 

 I left an abusive relationship over 20 years ago after careful planning. I have gone to therapy for the resulting PTSD. My abuser died 9 years ago, I still hate him. How can I get over it? I know we are supposed to “forgive” people, but, I don’t know how to do that. In fact, I want to go spit (or worse) on his grave, and I think I would if I wasn’t 1800 miles away. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

 

Additional comments:  

 

I consider the abuse I suffered as domestive violence, although it was not physical, it was emotional, psychological, verbal, controlling, demeaning. It was awful. 

Hi, thank you for sharing your story with us. We are so sorry to hear about what you went through. No one deserves to go through this. It is absolutely normal to feel everything that you are currently feeling. It is a lot to go through. Have you considered going to counseling? Here at WEAVE we offer individual counseling, so if you are interested or would like to know more please reach out to us at 916-920-2952 to get more information. This is a lot to process and we would love to further support you. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I tend to not listen to my spouse because he is berating me, over controlling, long lectures, condescending, its all my faults always, I made him do it, monopolizing, emotionally abusive, name calling etc …he wants to know why I don’t listen. He asks why. I think well it should be obvious, but he actually thinks its normal to demand me to sit down and listen to him rant about me as his method to resolve. Forced. Then when I don’t show interest since its not really about us talking like a normal husband and wife but his expectation for me to sit and listen or ELSE. He is now threatening to hit me if I don’t sit like a good doggie and listen. There is more but I don’t know how secure all this is yet  
 
All I can say is that it did escalate and I am at a loss. I should be scared and I was when it happens but I want to convince myself it will get better. In a way I still am scared because seeing a person flip like that and seeing what they are capable of betrays trust and takes away my security. I know it wont change. I do not know where to start.  
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services and sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time and I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your spouse. No one deserves to be treated like this and it is no way your fault. Managing a relationship is hard and it makes sense to want to help those that we love. Though we cannot change the actions of others, it is important to think about how to stay safe. You are the expert on your relationship and you get to decide what steps to take. We would love to provide further support on our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 
My boyfriend is a psychopath. He knows that, and reminds me sometimes. He wants me to love him, but he hates the idea of me being in-love with him. He’ll yell, throw things, grab my face + neck. My friends say this is “Not normal, not okay, and definitely not love.” But I know even if he walked out, and dropped everything, I’d still love him. What now? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services and sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time and I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your boyfriend. No one deserves to be treated like this and it is no way your fault. Managing a relationship is hard and it makes sense to want to help those that we love. Though we cannot change the actions of others, it is important to think about how to stay safe. You are the expert on your relationship and you get to decide what steps to take.  

We would love to provide further support on our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 

If my ex claimed when he hit me it was an accident and he claims it wasnt out of anger bc he wasnt yelling and i reported it would they believe him? 

 

Additional comments: 

We are going through custody case bc i wanted to move out and make my own money. I recorded him secretly for my lawyer as evidence im not the person he told judge i was…he hit me one month later and i got it on video and audio. Lawyer said if i cant prove it to be anything but accident ill lose my kids its been almost a year and i havent reported it and just moved out w our kids in sept 2020 but im still scared of him 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and very scary. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at 

 https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both. 

My husband hit me to prove a point yesterday about how he feels every time our autistic son lunges at him. He has never done this before. It threw me for a loop. He said he didn’t hit me that hard. It hurt and it shocked me. It was completely unexpected. I don’t know if this is the beginning of an abusive marriage. I feel so angry and sad. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward. People who are abusive like this follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. I would suggest calling our support line at 916-920-2952 so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning.   

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.   

Hi im 11 turning 12 in 8 days. Sadly my dad is a gaslighting drunk parent, whenever he drinks he gets childish and says things about my family which makes me mad. I have a god mom and a aunt that are willing to pay for legal services and stuff to keep me safe. It can get lonely when you are away from all family, they live in indiana while i live in chicago. When my dad in not drunk he still kinda has the same personality just without as much….enthusiasm. My grandma lives here too but her leg had to get cut off, i can sometimes tell she doesn’t want me here. My grandma isn’t your typical grandma, she’s not all hugs and kisses, for example she once stabbed me with a plastic fork. I dont even have a bedroom yet. My god mom had me for SEVERAL years but one day my mom was sick and i had to go visit her because i haven’t cause i was scared, and somehow he knew i was there and knew my mom couldnt do anything so i went back to chicago with him, sadly my mom is dead now but before she died she was a drug abuser. My brother doesnt live with me, he lives with my aunt but i really want to live with him and my cousins 
if anyone can help me my email is [Hidden for privacy]
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are in this scary and stressful situation. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have constantly be in this situation. It makes sense that you are feeling lonely, especially when you are far away from family. Sharing is not easy so I thank you for opening up to us . 
I am an abuse survivor. My divorce is stuck in a covid divorce. I cannot contact my abuser directly out of fear of my own safety. My attorney says that although we sent a marriage settlement agreement to they don’t have to respond and courts are closed. I want to be taken off my husbands health insurance. His company won’t allow me to remove my own self even if I send a notarized letter. This is another form of economic abuse. I have my own insurance but medical professionals keep defaulting to his. How can I get off his insurance given my circumstances. I can’t afford his deductible and I am having major health issues. Any thoughts?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that they will not take you off your husband’s health insurance. I cannot imagine how stressful and frustrating it must be to have to deal with this, especially when you are having major health issues.  Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. We encourage you to call our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673. They might be able to provide you with more information regarding this situation. 
My cousin on my grandpas side was dating my cousin on my grandmas side. She got a restraining order on him because he stole her truck and all sorts of things, well he got locked up back into prison since he was on parole the judge granted him bail and he bailed out about a week after. He still had the truck keys so his brother was supposed to bring them over but he ended up coming over. They argued he left I guess smoked meth and pcp came back banging on the house shut our power off it was 1am so the house is pitch black, we call 911 and tell them he’s trying to break in them within 10 mins he breaks into the house I barricade her door with a recliner and we both try to hold it shut. He breaks in with a hatched then pulls out a gun and says he will kill us then fires a shot in the ceiling. I plead for him to stop he starts walking away then just runs full force at the door breaking it all the way open holds the gun to my head and tells me to shut the F**k up or he will kill me, so I shut up then he points it at my cousin and tells her to get up and go with him or he will kill both of us. So I watch him drag her out of the house at gunpoint and I’m feeling helpless at that point.. this whole situation really did psychological damage to me I’m scared to be alone at night or outside even during the day, I don’t want to sleep because I’m afraid someone will come after me since we called the cops, I have panic attacks more than 5 times a day, I can’t go to the store without thinking I’m being followed or going to be killed.. can I get some restitution for the amount of emotional trauma he has caused me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you went through this horrifying situation. It makes sense why you are feeling scared and are having trouble sleeping. I cannot imagine how hard, stressful and overwhelming it must be to deal with everything after this event. It looks like you have some questions regarding restitution. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. If you are open, we encourage you to contact A Community for Peace at (916) 728-7210. They might be able to provide you with more information on restitution. If the crime occurred in California, you could fill out an application with the California Victims Compensation Board (CalVCB), which can help pay expenses related to a violent crime. You can access their website at victims.ca.gov or contact them regarding claims at (800) 777-9229.  
I have a dvo against my ex-boyfriend and we also have a child together he didn’t show up to court so they awarded me temporary custody and my dvo is good for a year . At Christmas I let him come see our daughter and since then he convinced me to try and work things out but now he’s threatening me again . I was just trying to find out if my dvo is still effective if I let him come over to see his daughter?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your ex-boyfriend is threatening you. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. Relationships can be tough, and it is normal to want to work things out, especially when you have a child. It looks like you have questions regarding a DVO. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. We encourage you to call our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673. They might be able to provide you with more information regarding your DVO.  
My ex beat me and threatened to kill me. He took my kids while we were still married and I left to work to get away from him. We got divorced, then he took me to court for full custody of my children. We are still battling court. He choked my oldest daughter, and beat my oldest son. That happened in a different state, while I was off working, so the police wont help me. I need to press charges, but I’m scared I’m too late. He has them and noone will help me because we were in a different state when the abuse happened. I have a video of him hitting me and yelling at me while he was drunk, in front of my kids. It’s been almost 4 years since I’ve held them in my arms. I hate him. What can I do? How can I fight him back in court? What do I do with the video? How do I get help!?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you have been dealing with this scary and stressful situation. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated like this and it is not your fault. It is frustrating to read that you have not been able to receive help with your situation and have been dealing with this for a long time. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

My fiance gets mad at things and they can be minor things like a fire alarm beeping or a sink that leaks . when this occurs he yells F%$&! God , I hate my life , he pounds his fist or he throws bottles or objects . he slapped me and pushed me a long time ago . when he starts yelling I can feel my anxiety going up a lot . the other day he was mad at his 7 son and he started kicking him . is this normal ? 

 

Additional comments: He does this a lot , has pushed me before and slapped me a year ago for no reason . he drives the car super fast when he is mad or throws the Christmas tree on the ground . 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you have been dealing with a lot from your fiancé. You and your fiancé’s son should not have to deal with that type of behavior, and it is not okay. This situation seems scary, and I can understand why your anxiety would go up during this time. We want you to know that this behavior is not normal, and it is not your fault for how your fiancé chooses to behave when they are mad. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would like to know more of what is going on so that we could provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
Hi I’m a father that wants to see my daughter but the Mother keeps threatening and putting her hands on me when I try to see her what should I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are going through a tough situation and are trying to figure out what to do. If you are comfortable, we would like to know more of what is going on so that we could provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
I called 2 times for HELP and after 20 minutes and after 10 minutes I was Disconnected is it because I am a man ??? 
I need help iam being abused and am newly 
Taking Depression Medicine and don’t know we’re to get HELP??? 
I called 2 times for HELP and after 20 minutes and after 10 minutes I was Disconnected is it because I am a man ??? 
I need help iam being abused and am newly 
Taking Depression Medicine and don’t know we’re to get HELP??? 
My long time ex boyfriend and father to my child (240lbs 42yo), managed to get a restraining order against me(110lbs 34yo) for supposedly assaulting him(I did not). I didn’t file a response. I wasn’t going to go to court because I was afraid he would harm my son to get back at me. I couldnt get help from any domestic violence organizations because he had tied them all up claiming he was the victim. He did this to gain custody of our son and told me if I showed up to court I would regret it. At court the judge wouldn’t let me defend myself, (he has since been removed from family law) and he granted my ex a perm rest. order. The next day he slashed all of my tires and cut the gas line on my vehicle. He has threatened to kill me on several occassions and has hospitalized me three times. I never reported him. I havn’t seen my 5yo son in two years and I have not gone back to court. I had to protect myself and my youngest son and find a safe place for us to go before i made any moves. I just recently learned that there are time limits to appeal and im pretty sure im out of time. I don’t want to cause my ex to believe he has a chance of losing custody because i’m afraid he will abduct or harm my son. He is very mentally unstable and very violent and doesn’t lose, ever. What should I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you have been going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine how overwhelming and scary this has all been. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. It seems like you are trying to figure out the next steps. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
This Christmas, I worked and was rewarded with “good job sweetie”, but after getting back to holidays messages, some family, and some acquaintances, I had apparently divulged a secret by sharing something that could have been googled. I argued that it was public knowledge and I wasn’t trying to divulge one of our business secrets, and he called me a stupid whore – to which I slapped him and told him not to call me that and especially on Christmas. He continued to call me a whore and I lost it. I had a PTSD attack (I was severely emotionally and verbally abused, and other forms of abuse, but the blunt of my problems stem from verbal abuse in my youth) and went into “fight mode” and started attacking him for calling me a whore on Christmas (he promised he would never call me a whore and knows it’s a deep-seated wound from my past that triggers me, but says I broke a promise by telling one of our secrets so he feels justified, plus “freedom of speech”). He says I fractured his nose, although I see no bruising near his eyes. He almost left me today but somehow I managed to convince him to stay. I know that my hitting him was entirely WRONG, physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse. I was even willing to turn myself in and serve time in jail if necessary, but he wants me to make it up to him in other ways.Is there a way to get counseling or some kind of help anonymously? Because I know I need help but I can’t speak about this incident with any friends or family, and I really want to find a way to heal this situation. I know it doesn’t always happen but sometimes making up from a bad fight can make the bond stronger. I can only hope.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you have been dealing with a lot and are looking for resources to help with your situation. We believe that ManAlive Sacramento, Inc. might be able to provide you with service that you seek. They can be reached at 1-877-662-8465. 
What are good phrases/sample conversations to begin opening up to a friend about the abuse? I really need to tell them, but when I have a chance, what I want to say gets stuck in my chest. I can’t figure out how to even start, so I don’t. Any example sentences to start my story would be helpful  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Sharing your story can be a difficult process and it is completely normal to struggle with finding the right words. Everyone is on a different part of their journey and has their own pace and way of opening up. Though there is not a perfect way to share your story, it might be best to do it during a time and place where you feel comfortable. One way that you could open up the conversations is by saying “Hey, I wanted to share something personal with you. Would you be open to listening?” This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.  
Hi im 32 year old female from Nampa. I have a 12 year old son with autism and a daughter who is almost 2 with major sensory issues. I’m desperate at this point as police refused to take me seriously and now my ex husband is wanted for cutting his court ordered GPS ankle monitor off last week and then threatened to find me. My ex was let out of jail on pre trial release this September. He pled guilty to felony domestic battery and was awaiting sentencing. He continued to break the no contact order and would call me consistently saying he was going to Kill me and I tried to make several reports with police who turned me away multiple times. Now he is on the run because no one would listen to me. I’ve spent the past 2 months begging for any help at all with relocating to a new place for my kids and I where no one but a few people know where we are. I lost almost everything I owned the past 2 years from this relationship and I am battling mental and physical health issues especially PTSD. My kids have special needs and requirements and it’s too hard to do everything when I am always having to run or hide. My ex has damaged my car, almost everything I owned he broke or stole or destroyed with bottles of urine. 3 years of total hell and I just want my kids and I to have our life back and a safe happy place again. I have called so many places and resources and no one will help us. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m losing hope.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your post that you have been going through an extremely difficult time and are trying to figure out how to navigate through it. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to constantly be on the run or in hiding. You and your kids do not deserve that and I am sorry that you have not been able to receive help with your situation. It looks like you are currently located in Nampa, Idaho. We recommend contacting Nampa Valley Justice Center at 800-669-3176 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you are currently in Sacramento, California, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
Why does my mom have no self control when she’s angry?  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through with your mom. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you, what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24-hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My husband had been drinking, and was horny. As I was falling asleep he climbed on top of me, choked me and said he would choke me and rape me. This is escalation from his normal behavior when he’s drunk. He’s never put his hands on me like that before. Should I take it seriously?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through an incredibly difficult time right now. No one deserves to be choked. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and what your ex did to you was not normal. I cannot imagine how scary it is to be in this situation. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or do anything to you without your explicit consent. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My SO and I haven’t been together long but I’m the last month he’s been distant, and it’s asking me constantly to have sex with other men or send nudes to others, even though I’ve told him multiple times I’m not comfortable with it. He also talks about wanting to your me up in his spare room married and leave me there for a day or two to use when he wants to. I don’t know what to consider this but I know it makes me feel terrible about myself.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this with your partner. We cannot imagine how scary and uncomfortable these situations must be for you. It seems like this situation was overwhelming and it makes sense why you stated that you felt comfortable even though you were not. However, you are feeling is okay and you shouldn’t be pressured into doing anything you aren’t comfortable with. You can say no at anytime and your partner should respect that. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do including sleeping with others and sending your private photos. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I’m a bit lost and I find myself hurt, terrified, and confused. My wife spent nearl 17 years Finacially abusing me and has spent the last 14 months making me sleep on a floor while verbally and emotionally abusing me. She wants to randomly move on now but I’m making things worse because I cannot stope talking about my feelings, begging, annoying her with very serious matters. I’m not aloud to talk about the past and I’m expected not to talk to here because all I do is complain. I feel broken and I know I do not deserve all of this to include constant public humiliation. She has already longed threatened to take everything from me and kick me out on the street. She has made up lie after lie to deface my nam, take all of my money call it the family’s money while she took money from our account and has her own. 

 

I am so depressed and lonely I have never felt nor expected this I just can’t take it anymore. I ask for counseling she says he’ll no. I explain why she replies she doesn’t care and I am sick to my stomach when she uses our children as weapons against me one minute then acts like nothing happened the next. I am scared and need help. I do not know what to do  

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you are feeling this way. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety.  You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Last night in the kitchen while we were putting the groceries away I did something that my husband did not understand. When he asked me I looked at him and said, “sweetie I can’t explain that I guess I just tired and a little absent minded.” His response was to look at me hold my chin with his hand and tell me to get the F—- out of the kitchen because I am useless. I left the room crying and he told me that I was childish. What should I do? This is not the first time he has expressed himself this way, but I still don’t know how to respond. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward.  People who are abusive like this can follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.   

Hi, 
 
I’ve been in a relationship with my now husband for going on ten years. He was my first boyfriend and due to struggling financial circumstances I quickly let him move in with me, we share a bank account, an apartment, friends, etc. As the years went on, he became angrier and angrier and eventually abusive. Physically abusive and emotionally abusive, hitting me, throwing things at me, breaking things in the apartment and kicking me out. Shortly after each of these outbursts he’ll call me an hour later and ask me to forgive him and tell me he’ll change. I’ve explained to him hundreds of times that he is abusive and it’s not okay that i’m terrified of him but he just brushes it off. Recently, he’s been extremely persistent about sex but I’m at a point where i can’t even stomach faking it. However, when I say no, he just gets angry or pissy and ruins the rest of the day. I really just don’t know what to do. Thank you in advance for taking the time out of your day to read what i’m going through and I hope you’re all safe during these tough times 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward.  People who are abusive like this follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.   

My dad is a verbally abusive alcoholic and my mom is an Angel. She always protects me when he starts up. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a wonderful father when he is sober, but every night he drinks enough to completely lose it. I don’t know what to do especially now that I have left for college. It makes me sick knowing that I left my mom with him. She also can’t leave because my dad is the only one making money. I don’t mean this in an insensitive way, but we have quite a bit of money, and my dad has it stored away so that If during a divorce my mom would get nothing. I’m 18 now and it makes me feel horrible. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want my mom on the street, but I also don’t want her here.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that you have endured and how disheartening it must feel to see your mother in an abusive relationship. It can be hard to support those who are experiencing domestic violence and your frustrations are valid. It is normal to become overwhelmed and it makes sense if you need to set boundaries for your own wellbeing. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page here https://www.weaveinc.org/post/safety-planning-0 or by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.    
I was in a relationship for 4 years and It was abusive. I got beat up about 2 years ago by him and he hit me in my ear and I still haven’t been able to hear out of it. Can I still report this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My ex boyfriend punched me in the face and smashed my head against the wall. He was arrested and I am pressing charges. His ex girlfriend also messaged me letting me know what he has done to her too. I’m terrified to relive this whole experience over and over again in court. I don’t want to see him. Why must I relive this for a whole year (until it goes to trial)? How have others coped with this? His ex didn’t continue to press charges because of this long process.  Thank you for reaching out to us at WEAVE. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. The fear you are experiencing over having to relieve that situation in court is very normal. During times like these it’s important to surround yourself with supportive friends and family, maybe even reach out to a therapist as well. If you don’t already have one and you’re in the Sacramento area, we have counseling services here at WEAVE that you can access via our Support Line at 916-920-2952. Just remember you don’t have to go through this alone, and we are always here to help and support however we can.  
Hello, 
 
I’ve been in a toxic marriage for 11 years now. We have a child together. For the last 8 years I’ve been trying to figure out which of us started the abuse so that if it’s me I can make changes. I’ve read books and gone to therapy in hopes of it helping us. 
In the last two years I feel myself totally checked out in every way. I’m bitter and resentful and so tired of the fighting and have started to push back to keep my husband from yelling through the evening and waking up our son. I will do anything to keep him emotionally safe. For me that has often looked like completely ignoring my SO and trying to be incredibly neutral. 
This has led to him more recently calling me a psychopath incapable of love and empathy, a narcissist, cold, bitter, abusive- you get the idea. 
Often times I’ve started to question it myself. But my emotional distance and shut down feels like the only way to stay safe. Am I just making excuses for my own bad behavior? Has anyone else felt this way? 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you are very self-aware of the situation, which is a good sign because it shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your part if there is any, and move towards progress. Have you considered going to counseling? Whether it is individual counseling or couple’s counseling it can be beneficial to process what you are going through to get a better grasp of how to proceed with the relationship. Here at WEAVE we do not offer couple counseling but we do offer individual counseling, so if you are interested or would like to know more please reach out to us at 916-920-2952 to get more information. For couple’s counseling there is Anew Day and you can call to inquire about their services at 530-470-9111. You are doing the best that you can given the circumstances, and I applaud you for putting the emotional well-being of your son first, but don’t forget to work on your emotional well-being too.  
Can someone help me? I need money to get to Utah. I’m planning to leave my abusive husband of 30 years? I don’t have any friends or a job and he never lets me have money. Can someone please help?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I’m so sorry that you are experiencing abuse at the hands of your husband, deciding to leave is a big decision and I can only imagine what you went through to come to this decision. It sounds to me like you are needing resources and we would love to help! Please reach out to us on our Support Line to get connected with an advocate that can safety plan and provide resources for this kind of situation. Decisions like this take time to plan so I suggest getting connected as soon as possible. Hope this helps!  
I started dating this guy in January ,things were cool until one day we were drinking and he randomly got upset and pushed me down really hard , this was the first incident of abuse however I didn’t take note of it because we were still in the beginning stages and he continued to blame it on the alcohol since he typically doesn’t drink . However as months progress ,abuse became more and more prevalent. There were times he threaten to Kill me , he’s strangled me , beat me etc Since the pandemic this person has had to stay with me & ive called the police three or more and he’s gotten locked up twice and let out on signature bonds in the matter of hours . The last incident of abuse were a few months back. Since so many months had went but I thought things were finally starting to change . Today a minor argument , turned into something huge , to the point where he punched and hit me with a pistol numerous of times . Police have came but do to past experiences, I know he won’t be in there long . I don’t know what to do , how to feel , or how to move going forward . 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward. People who are abusive like this follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. I would suggest calling our support line at 916-920-2952 so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning  

 

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.  

My boyfriend stepped behind my vehicle as I was trying to leave after he had forcefully tried to take.my phone away from me. He tore the rear windshield wiper off. I gently backed up to nudge him out of the way enough so that I could turn out of the driveway. I had to drive partly through my neighbor’s yard to drive off since he wouldn’t move out of the way. Now boyfriend says I assaulted him with my vehicle when I gently edged my car backwards towards him. He says I used my car as a weapon. Will a court of law side with him?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support or our legal team at (916)319-4944. 
Me and my boyfriend have a one month old son together. During the pregnancy our relationship was always on and off. We got physical with each other a lot. Then it stopped. for months. Now our baby is here and today I confronted him about some messages he had on his phone with another girl, for questioning him he slapped me. I lose control and I start yelling at him, I go to our closet and I start throwing all of my clothes off their hangers. When I do this, he pushes me against the wall and as a reaction I bite his arm. When I bit his arm he started throwing punches to my face left and right. He broke my lip and my entire jaw hurts to the point where I can’t bite down. He had broken my phone weeks prior So the only thing I had to contact someone for help was my laptop. I go to message my brother to please pick me up but he turns off the wifi so the message wouldn’t send. I try to leave the house and he blocked the door. He did not want to let me out at all. He said if I called the cops on him they would arrest me too for the bite mark he has and they will take away our son. Later he apologized and said he blacked out when he threw the punches. and that he’ll never touch me again and to please go back home with him. my family knows now they don’t want me to ever get back with him but there’s still a piece of me that has hope  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I can’t talk to my family or friends about this because they will most definitely hurt him. So here it goes. 
I’ve been with my now fiancé for 7 and a half years. I suffer from EXTREME social anxiety and depression, as well as diagnosed PTSD. He knows this and he is very supportive of me. Until he drinks. My fiancé is an alcoholic and sometimes his drinking turns to anger and that anger is taken out on me. 3 years ago he put a cigarette out on my stomach and tried to choke me, held my nose and mouth shut while he pinned me down, and gave me a black eye. I forgave him. 2 years ago he got very drunk while driving so I told him I wanted to get out, i would call someone to give me a ride home. He took that as me going to cheat on him. He sped up, ran red lights, ran stop signs, cut people off, we almost wrecked more times than I can count. he locked my door and held my arm so tight to where I had bruises. I managed to dial 911 with my free hand without him knowing. I didnt say anything on the phone directly, I held it by the seat and kept mentioning where we were, hoping the police could get the hint. Luckily, they did.

he uses my past trauma against me and has even told me I deserved it. Just last night he called me a “stupid fucking piece of shit bitch” (slurred of course) because I asked him if he would slow down drinking. It led to an argument that lasted for 3 hours. I talked calmly and never raised my voice, I cried and begged him to stop but it only made him more angry. its like he was looking for a reason to be mad at me. and it made it worse when he couldn’t find a reason. this morning he woke up and acted like nothing happened. and I forgave him.

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

My husband of three months has threatened to move out with his 20 year old son because I “bitch” all the time about his son living at our house for free and smoking weed all day. He puts his son first because he feels guilty about his divorce. But why is he not putting me first? 

 

Please help me. Does this mean he really does not love me anymore? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that couples counseling may be the more appropriate for your needs. We suggest reaching out to ANEW Day at 

(530) 470-9111 http://www.anew-day.com/ or Cross Creek Family Counseling (916) 722-6100  

www.crosscreekcounseling.com for support. 

 

I made the dicission 2 leave after 18 yrs. W help from advocate of 5 yrs a hotline call & circumstances gathered my stuff left the love of my life called the # TRIED MANY TIMES TO explain who I was why I’m calling and sobbing I was not only not helped I was shamed & when I asked 4 assistance with another recourse or# ,or advice I was told again i was too emotional the judged me ” not within their job description. basically not even dial 911, this was a hotline  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve experienced. I am so sorry this is happened. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I’m in a really emotionally abusive relationship. I want to get away but every time I try he threatens to get involved in my custody case with my exhusband. He’s Jewish and I recently told him I’m getting my faith back in Christ and he told me I was mentally sick and going to tell people that I’m on drugs and my kids are in danger. I have court in 5 months for my custody case. I broke up with him before 4 months ago and in the time we were broken up he contacted someone my exhusband new and said he had concerns over my drinking and parenting with the kids to try and hurt me. I got back with him before I found this out. He recently texted all the threats about him needing to “protect” my kids again from me. When I told him that is extremely wrong and he would be hurting my kids he said, “the world is a scary place” I think he had a low IQ and is extremely selfish. I don’t know what to do. My temporary hearing for my boys is next Wednesday with the permanent hearing 5 months after that

How do so get away from this man without him endangering me winning this case and protecting my children? My exhusband is not a present father. They cry every time I drop them off at his house because only the nanny is there.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support or our legal team at (916)319-4944. 
I’m in CA & going through a divorce with my ex who has been physically & emotionally abusive. He’s been out of the house for a year, but is telling his lawyer he wants to come back to the house for an hour and look around. I’m not ok with this. She said he wanted to get his things, now he’s saying it’s not about his things it’s about looking around. How can I legally protect myself?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944.   
My husband suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD, as well as insecurity issues. He is prescribed adderall for his ADHD and has found that when he takes more than his prescribed dose he “doesn’t feel as insecure and depressed anymore.” He abuses his medication as a way of self- medicating for his other emotional deficits. 
 
I am also prescribed adderall, but take it for chronic fatigue syndrome. Over the past four years of marriage, my husband has habitually taken medication from me after going though his prescription far sooner than the refill dates. As a result, I am regularly under medicated leaving me constantly exhausted and stressed due to being the primary provider in the home. My health has suffered significantly and effects my productivity at work. 
 
Is this considered a form of abuse? If so, is this grounds for divorce? 
 
(I have tried many different “hiding places” – including a safe that he broke into anyways – to store my medication) 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
my mum hits my brother what should i do  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Hi, I have been with a man for just a short ime now, when I met him, he was almost too good to be true, I had told him about my past relationship of 15 yrs with a very abusive man and how it affected me so much. It started out with little comments here and there and I noticed some jealous behavior but I just kind of put it in the back of my mind, well one night we were just sitting in the living room and he says something just completely out of left field it really threw me for a loop, then he asks me a question that I literally have no explanation for and then when I guess I wasnt saying what he wanted to hear he then punches me in my mouth and head, at this point Im beyond terrified, he had grabbed my phone so I couldnt call for help, then after him yelling for what seemed like forever things calmed a bit and he tells me to drive him home, when I get into the car he goes into a frenzy again and chokes me punches me in the head a few more times and keeps repeatedly asking me who have I been seeing besides him and to tell the truth, if I tell the truth he will stop but if I dont its going to get way worse. I have been in this type of situation before and it never ends well, I keep fighting back at him and Im yelling and honking the car horn, well apparently someone heard all of this and had called 911, God bless the soul of the one that did bc when the cops arrived he had me face down on the back car seat choking me from behind and I couldnt breathe and things were starting to go black, I didnt even realize the police were there until he released my neck and things started going back into focus. Long story short, he ran from the police that night and got away, they still havent found him and that was 2 weeks ago, I live in fear every day that he will just pop up out of the blue. What can I do to get some peace of mind?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted.  It must be exhausting for you to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you are worried. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. to help you stay safe, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is it possible to fix a really bad domestic violence situation between a man and women’s relationship.i truthfully am not sure what level the situation im in might b concidered. Is it posdoble to have emotional and mental breakdown and not really b aware have and caused by abuse.. if all kinds n severe injuries inflicted? Thank you 

Im not sure as far as arxuak abuse goes. Not educated enough toknow. Im thinking probably sexuality abused in domestic situation too. But not sure. Ty 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

What should I do? I’m home recovering from Emergency Open Heart Surgery. I’m a Senior male and my older brother that lives with me) He physically attacked me this afternoon about 1:00Pm in a rage of anger. I suffered a bloody ear (expected I’m on blood thinners) and couple three facial scratches, some bruising. He didn’t hit me but had his hands about my head and ears jerking my head around while I was on the steps. Since I’m recovering from two surgeries the open heart and one surgery from last weekend it’s been a rough time here. (I will try to hide this event today from my wife). Tonight I feel some chest pain, it’s mild but is noticeable. I’m wishing tonight I had died during the surgery this so ridiculous. 

I know he’s worried about the outcome of the election he watches it daily, he’s worried about his Soc Sec and the democrats are going to steal it. He’s worried about the stock market and the economy and he’s aggravated about the whole pandemic scene what the new restrictions are bringing. I will NOT report this, I don’t want him in trouble for anything. I don’t even charge him for living here but he does buy his own food and personal needs. He told me during the verbal argument, Quote: “You are not the same person anymore, I don’t know who the “hell” you are anymore!” “But since your surgery this all has been building up!”

Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.   
Neighbor called cops when husband and I were arguing there was some sucking, but we were fine. He went to blow of steam while I got ready to go to a function. He got arrested and now he can’t come home unroll court date. I need my husband. Kids need their father we share a car. Is there any way to change that?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support. 
My 30 year old daughter was dating a man that was mentally abusive. She asked me my opinion of him and I told her the truth of my thoughts. She got angry at me. Two months later he overdosed at her house and died. That was a year and a half ago. She’s no longer talking to me, has made him into a saint and talks to everyone else about me. 
I feel like the more I chase her the farther away she gets. She is living with her father and her father‘s girlfriend recently moved in which has made it worse; now she won’t respond to texts or phone calls. She lives in another state. Can I ever mend this relationship or should I just move on with my life? 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. This is a hard question to consider, but we must remember that sometimes even relationships with our children and parents can have its ups and downs just as much as with any relationship. That does not mean the relationship is broken forever. Perhaps your daughter just needs space to process everything that she went through with that situation (it sounds traumatic on its own). It is possible to mend relationships but both parties have to be ready for that. She might not be ready and that’s ok. Everyone is allowed space to process what happened to them, maybe you should consider giving her space and let her come to you when she is ready. In the meantime take comfort in knowing you did what you could on your end.
My partner and I co own a house and it got bad were my partner left . Hasn’t been back in four days this isn’t the first time v is happened . I am afraid .I had. Serious bed ridden injury that lasted 7 wks . During that time my half of the paperwork for the house is gone . How do I protect myself and my house . My partner has threatened to take my half what do I do 
Thanks for you time 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944.  

I don’t want a reply of: “You don’t deserve that”, “You shouldn’t be treated like that”, or”You should leave” etc. All of the obvious things you’d hear upon telling someone what’s going on or what’s previously happened. I am in a marriage in which i am infrequently (once every 6-8 months) physically taunted/abused whatever you’d like to call it. My husband does not control or restrict my daily schedule or who i see, I have unlimited access to all of our money, I could go back to work if I wanted to but don’t have to work. He makes me a snack at 11pm at night after working hard all day, he’s a great & patient father to our children, he stands up for me, if i ask him to do something/anything he does it. However, he infrequently becomes very scary and has hit me, spit on me, spanked me, smacked me… sacred the living shit out of me. I have ran from him. I do not fight back or it will get worse. etc. He has put me down emotionally (obviously)

I guess my question is…. How do I move forward to a positive manner trying to salvage my emotions because I do want to stay married? How to do navigate through the trauma’s so i can enjoy life?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

6 years ago I moved my boyfriend onto my boat. He had the engine hatches open saying he was working on something. since he was sitting on the couch and doing nothing I tried to close the hatch and he yelled at me and told me to leave it that he would do it. I said okay and went out for a few hours. When I came back I random stairs fell into the enclosed hatch and ruined my life. I went to the gym twice a day and had a job. Now I can barely make it to the bathroom. He still lives here and daily he calls me a stupid effing seaward every time I ask him for a glass of water. The hot water heater went out 5 years ago and he has left me laying here filthy and dirty and unable to take a shower. I don’t know what to do. 

 

He has never hit me, yet. But last night he got half an inch from my face with his fist balled up because I asked him not to walk my dog after he drank a pint of 100 proof schnapps. I’m terrified.  

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone 
My brother is 27, I am 29. We still live at home with my parents. He hits me and verbally abuses me, verbally assaults me, and tells me mom to pull a knife out on me when she is arguing with me. He manipulates her and my father. They won’t call the police on him, nor kick him out of the home. If I call the police on him they will no longer speak to me. I’m not sure what to do. If I leave the home, he will make sure my parents write the deed to the house in his name, even though he’s never had a job and me and my 3 sisters pay their bills and now the house is paid off. I go to work trying to cover my eye bruises and he fractured my arm two years ago because he pushed me after my water spilled on the tile floor. My mom until this day says pushing is not abuse. Please help me. Run away and call the police and watch my parents bail him out and he go right back in the home with a little slap on the wrist OR shut up and stick it out for the home? My oldest sister won’t leave the home because of this and I don’t want to leave her there. My other sister moved out of state.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your brother. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Can repeated name-calling be considered abuse if it impacts the victim’s daily life?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.   
My ex and i dated for more than 3 years, for the first year and half he was supper nice, quiet, whatever i said he said yes, he just was perfect. we spent day and night together, we never got tired of eachother, i felt so comfortable with him. after a year and half he started hitting me, block me and unblock me constantly, he hit me a lot, i cried a lot and he said that’s the only thing i know to do. i finally called the cop one day and he went to jail. after jail he came back and said he wants to marry me, but after 3 weeks things got worser, he yelled at me a lot, abused me emotionally, kept blaming me, … always i went to bagged him to unblock me to talk to me, to just communicate with me, so again i sent him to jail. after that he came back to me again after two and half months, he said he loves me, he got punished, but right after i accepted him, he ruined my life, he choked my neck a lot, he hit me, he blamed me, he blocked me every week and unblocked me, told me to ignore him and leave him alone, …. so he broke up with me on the anniversary of his first jail time, he came to my home and talked infront of my parents instead of just simply talk to me. after that day he blocked me . i just dont understand why he came back to hurt me? i sue him the third time too he just didn’t go to jail because i reported him late. but still he hurt me, i accepted him back after all i went through because i love him a lot, but u think he will ever gonna go back to me? will he gonna ever talk to me and tell me why he left me and made my heart broke?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you had to go through this experience and cannot imagine how uncomfortable and scary that must have been during those scary times.  Your feelings about the situation are normal and valid but sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the cycles that will continue to repeat if we don’t stop them. Your ex was probably seeing how this cycle would continue to play out and wanted to take some space from that, we have to respect people’s decisions and boundaries as well. Maybe with time you will have your answer to those questions but in the meantime take care of yourself and do things for you :)
My boyfriend treats me so well most of the time. But when he drinks he throws me around by my hair and constantly shoves a loaded gun im my face. He keeps promising he will not drink anymore but I happened again tonight. Im so confused and sad.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted and threatened with weapons. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you are feeling this way. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety.  You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  
I was violently assualted and in a DV relationship with someone I loved before he became violent with me. He is now serving time in prison for the violent assault. The state charged him. I did not press charges against him. I fear that when he gets out I will want to re-establish a relationship with him for fear it will actually keep me safe. I have mixed emotions about him. I have not had any contact with him since the event. During his sentencing, he declared his love for me. He gets out in January. I do not know what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can tell from your message that you are going through an extremely difficult time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. Your concerns are valid and it can be hard to navigate with different emotions. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to re-establish your relationship. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Hi. I stupidly signed a lease with a new boyfriend. I paid for move in costs, deposit and I even had to pay his past due electric bill in order to get my service transferred to the new place because he was on the lease. (I lived alone prior). After the 1st week of us living together he would pick arguments with me and he even threw a tv remote at me which hit me on the eyebrow and cut it open. 3 weeks after living together, he was in another bad mood. He didn’t want to go out to dinner so I went alone. When I got back home, he started throwing things at me. Change that was on the counter, a lighter that struck my face under my eye and something bigger and heavier that I blocked with my hand. I was yelling at him to stop. And to leave! He called the cops and I went to jail.

 

 It took 18 months for my attorney to get this to a simple assault (which reads as didn’t touch anyone but someone felt threatened). I stand by my innocence

It has been over 3 years. This guy for this entire time sends me text messages. Love notes. I miss u. I love u. I have blocked him on social media, email and even his phone number but he got a new number. This guy owes me so much money even prior to this going down. 
What is your advise? My attorney said if he isn’t sending threatening texts there is nothing I can do about it 

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through a rough time. I cannot imagine how scary, exhausting and frustrating it must be to have to deal with that type of behavior. You do not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 
What do I do? 6 years of the worst emotinal and financial abuse you could imagine. He has taken everything from me and I have hit the bottom. I have nobody and nowhere to turn. I can’t work, I can’t think, I can’t function and it’s been so awful I have no words. I know all about narcissistic sociopaths because I have studied it for years. I am financially stuck and been homeless, spent all my inheritance on supporting myself and my cars broke down and won’t help me. I can’t stake much more. I can’t get a lawyer. He makes plenty of money. How can I help myself. Everywhere I turn I hit walls! Help  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how hard this can be. You did not deserve to be treated this way. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
What would make a woman stay in a bad domestic violence relationship and keep going back and back and back when she’s getting the same results every time  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you or someone around you are going through a difficult time. Looking back on a situation we can wonder whether we deserved to be treated a certain way or if we did anything to cause our treatment. These thoughts are normal, but we need to understand that choosing to hit or verbally assault somebody is a choice. You are never responsible for the actions of other people, including your partner, and you did not do anything wrong to be treated that way. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

What should I do ? What can I do? 
 
My live in boyfriend has started becoming more and more physically aggressive towards me … again. 
 
A year ago, he beat me up and crashed the car we were driving into a tree, ending our relationship and sending him to jail for 6 months. 
 
After getting released he came to find me , apologized, and I didn’t take him back at first, but after a lot of talking , I decided I loved him , maybe it was the drugs, etc ect lots of factors right , 
 
Fast forward to now a year later , and he’s begun displaying violent actions toward me, and I don’t know what to do. I could call the police, and put him in jail for another 3 years but , I REALLY don’t want to do that. The first time was hard enough. 
 
But now, I don’t know what to do. Everytime I try to break up with him, we end up back together. My suspicion is that he doesn’t want to leave because he doesn’t have anywhere other than his parents house to go, so he’s trying to make the relationship work until he can figure something out and then leave me.

I know the answer is leave him. But what if.. he won’t leave ! Now what ! And more importantly. What do I do? I feel lost and alone. And defenseless. And alone. 
 
I also fear that if we do break up he’s just going to tell everyone that I’m a b*tch or a liar and make up a bunch of stuff to everyone to discredit me because he says I ruined his life by sending him to jail that first time . 
Ah. 
Sorry if it’s too long. I just .. yeah. Thanks for anyone who response

[ Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  
Is it normal for woman to freak out when she sees her previous abuser on her stuff I’m talking about myself 

Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how hard this can be. Seeing your abuser can be scary and triggering. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we would love to provide you with more in depth support If you are comfortable on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 

   However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

i have been hit, strangled, locked out of the house, dragged and been mentally abused and more by my boyfriend. We were heroin addicts at the time which is no reason to abuse someone, but I think contributed to his erratic behavior. He was seriously evil back then but for some reason I stayed. It has been atleast 2 years since ive been physically abused. We are both sober and have a baby daughter now. He is so loving to our daughter and is really a good dad but I still worry. He still gets upset sometimes out of no where but it is no where near as horrible as before. I just wonder if he has actually changed and learned to handle his emotions in a healthy way. I worry one day it will begin again and me and my daughter will be harmed and I will never forgive myself. I really dont think hes capable of hurting our daughter but crazy things happen. But basically is it possible he has seen the error of his ways and will never abuse me again?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting it must be to have to stay with your abuser, especially when you are concerned for the safety of your child. You do not deserve to be abused and you did not do anything wrong. What you are going through is a lot deal with and it makes sense that you want to leave. Though being in an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of your child and yourself. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. Whatever you decided, remember that you are not alone. 

How can I unravel 5 years of mental and physical abuse from my narcissistic sons father so I can be okay mentally 

 

Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how hard this can be. You did not deserve to be physically assaulted. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is bum rushing me and then chest bumping me an example of physical assault? I have dealt with years of mental abuse, but not he is escalating to this. He is in federal law enforcement, so he is well known in this tactic. Can I charge him with this? 

 

 

Can I accuse him of it a while after it happened if it is assault? I was not aware that that is abuse.  

Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how scary and painful it must have been. You did not deserve to be physically assaulted. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the law enforcement agency where the assault occurred to find out your options. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I was in a domestic situation a week ago and recieved a emergency restraining order from the police that is up on the 6th (today) I went tothe courts and obtained a restraining order and asked that the sheriff department serve him at his home. come to find out, he was moving his things out and sheriff will not be able to serve the order til monday. I am afraid he will not be served in time of the court date and I am not protected. Also, I currently do not have family or friends willing to serve him because he is very violent and they are scared. I bleieve I filed for an emergency order on top of one that will last a year (not sure) Im very confused, frustrated frightened that whole nine because I know that he is upset about being sent to jail and has had previous situations… I know that if he doesnt respect the courts previously he will not care about me at this point… Im really hoping he does not do anything while hes out on bail. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944. 

 

If a woman (my friend) has been severely physically abused 4 years ago by strangulation amd her husband arrested for it should ahe stay with him. To this day he verbally abuses her even in front of their small children.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your friend is going through a difficult time. It can be hard to know how to support those who are experiencing domestic violence but you are so amazing for being there to support her. This is a hard situation for all involved including yourself and we would like to help. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial for you both to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you and your friend more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   

My huaband often discredits me to other people as “a joke”. He told me today about doing it again today. i called him on his ass for it this time. here’s the scenario: 
Yesterday, I had an eye exam. I have not bought new eyeglasses (I need them to actually see) for about 5 years. It was time. So in picking out frames, I saw an attractive comfortable inexpensive frame. And i like how it looked on me. My husband saw one that he also liked. It was designer and yes, I like them as well but I didn’t want to pay the designer price in the frame since I usually sink the majority of my eyeglass expense on the lens. (i also wear contact lenses but I’m in a quest to drastically reduce that usage) 
My husband persuaded me to purchase the designer frame (I really did like them) and he paid for it (we both work, are both good with our money and financially able to make these kinds of purchases). 
 
Well, he called me from a break at his job today to tell me he was telling two female coworkers how I made him spend $1000 on a designer frame (it was actually hundreds and hundreds less than that and I mean HUNDREDS LESS + I got a 40%, discount).

I never even intended to talk about an eyeglass purchase to ANYONE, let alone MY coworker. And if i ever mention my husband AT ALL, i always mention him in a good light. But lateley he’s taken to discrediting me. So now, if i ever meet these two coworkers for whatever reason, they already have a bad image if me and an image of him as the suffering husband.. i swear to God that is enough to make me divorce him. am i making too much of it? i just think that’s a slippery slope 

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
My husband of 30 years was caught interacting with “barley legal teen”, I want to believe nothing ‘more’ had transpired, we have a couples counselor appointment set. But the argument that ensued brought my husband to getting out his gun (again) and threatening to kill himself if I leave. I was able to calm him down, and now he keeps talking about having a family, (our children are grown and we have one grandchild) and is trying to get me pregnant, he knows I don’t want to raise children again and is getting more aggressive with his ways. I see this spiraling out of control. What steps should I take? 
30 years! My husband is like a helicopter and I have minimal contact with family several states away, I feel fallowed by his family members if I even just go for a walk. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

I’m not sure if I’m in an verbally, emotionally or abusive relationship. Could you help me figure that and maybe what I should do? 

 

 

 

My boyfriend of 6 years gets really upset anytime there is a slight inconvenience. We could have the smallest argument and it’s all my fault. Yesterday he was yelling in my face, spit at me, threw my stuff out the window, shoved me. He’s never physically hit me but he pretends like he’s going to. He says I make him so mad and that he just needs to stop caring and worry about what I’m doing to not make him upset. I always try asking what’s wrong but he never talks so I eventually stop asking and when I stay quiet it makes things worse. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
When my husband and I argue he pins me down, covers my mouth and sometimes my nose and screams in my ear and he won’t stop. 
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t like engaging in any kind of conversation with him because I don’t want to make him mad and cause an argument. All of our arguments result in him pinning me down and covering my house so I can’t argue back or call for help. Is this domestic violence? What do I do? 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to put their hands on you. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is my husband abusive? 

 

 

When he gets mad, everything is my fault. If I disagree or tell him he’s wrong about anything, I’m being a b*tch or pushing his buttons. Last time we fought he told me I was gonna push him and make him do something to me he couldn’t take back. 
Then when I said he was suggesting that he was going to beat me or hurt me, he said that I was making sh*t up he never said that or insinuated that. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to threaten to put their hands on you. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My boyfriends mom is beating on him in fighting with him.. She won’t leave him alone, I’m worried about him. She keeps outing him out.. I want to help him but don’t know how.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your boyfriend are going through this experience. I cannot imagine how upsetting and frustrating this must be. No one deserves to be treated this way and you are valid in feeling worried.  Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” at (916) 728-7210 to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. 

My verbally and emotionally abusive ex boyfriend of 6 years called me earlier this month to tell me that he was getting married. We split in June, he got with his girl in August, now in October he tells me they’re getting married. He told me that it could have been us getting married, it could have been me with a ring on my finger. He constantly berates me for not moving on, he talks poorly about the new partner I’m with and tried fighting him when he tried to get my things back for me because I didn’t want to see him. He and his girlfriend would talk horribly to me and about me as well as my partner, and now they want to be friends with me. I don’t understand and I feel like I am going crazy. 
 

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your past relationship and its normal to feel overwhelmed. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
Is it normal to be in a relationship when your significant other hits you when I make them upset? Also, is it normal for your significant other to leave you in the middle of the night without telling you where they went? Lastly, is normal to not trust my significant other after they lied and cheated on me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear that your boyfriend has hit you. It is not normal and it is never okay to hit anyone. I cannot imagine how scary and painful that must have been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  
My daughter’s boyfriend has been on drugs off and on for a long time. I have not been able to spend much time with her or talk with her in the past months even though she lives 250 steps away. I have been terrified something wax wrong. Friday after text messages between my daughter and myself trying to get together for her birthday I asked her to call and I could hear him in the background yelling and screaming at her. I left work and went right over to find him super high yelling at her. I told him to leave and he argued with everything and kept saying we are all against him. I tried to help him get a moving company or a uhaul to take his pile if shit he probably stole out as he was saying he wanted to leave. He kept telling her it was all her fault and that she was acting like the victim. I finally called the cops he ran out the door and she was a crumpled mess begging me not to call them cause he had hit her choked her broke her glasses on her face and told her if she told anyone or called the cops he would murder her and me and her dog. I am hiding her right now as he knows everywhere she goes and has been watching her with cameras in the house. Am I right to hide her and try to find her someplace else to live. I know he will kill her.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that you have endured and how disheartening it must feel to see your daughter go through this. It can be hard to support those who are experiencing domestic violence but you are so amazing for being there to support her. You finding her a safe place to say is very admirable. This is a hard situation for all involved including yourself and we would like to help. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.    
We were laying down in the dark, I was talking about something he didn’t wanna hear, or something I repeated while we were arguing. He then put his hand over my mouth with a lot of pressure/force. Everytime I would try to take his hand off, he wouldn’t budge and then started to dig his thumb and fingers into my jaw area. He kept doing it when he thought I wasn’t listening to him and while he was doing that he would proceed to say “Shut the fuck up” repeatedly close to my face. Is this physical abuse? I’m just confused and not sure what it is.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you were in a stressful situation. No one has a right to put their hands on you. I am so sorry you experienced this. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I have been married 17 years and when it’s good it’s so good and he’s amazing but then he’s cruel, emotional and verbally abusive . I ride on a tidal of his emotions from weeks , to days and some times months. It’s confusing and I’m emotionally drained. I don’t even know what to do anymore. When he is abusive he gaslights , and he uses “sarcasm” as a way to be cruel. 
( He has been physically violent once) . Then he is kind and I question if it’s abuse or maybe he’s got a personality disorder?? I have friends who say it’s not abuse and even a therapist who says he’s borderline abusive? My question is has anyone gone through this? 
Hi, thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear about the way you are being treated. You do not deserve to be treated this way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Abusers often use tactics such as emotional abuse as a way to gain power and control over another intimate partner. Emotional abuse can be things such as putdowns/insults, excessive criticism, blaming, manipulation, and gaslighting. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you and get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you additional support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
Ive been seeing this guy a month. Seems like I’m now seeing red flags. He said he wants me to as he says. ( I laughed thinking he was joking) I was brushing my teeth and he randomly cane over and grabbed my throat. ( Gentley, but alarming) He started calling me anonymous, even though I know it’s him. He asked me if I missed him, and I joked Idk. He got mad, and said I was saying dumb stuff and, i needed to learn who I was talking to. The relationship is starting to confuse and stress me out.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. No one deserves to be physically or verbally assaulted in a relationship. I cannot imagine how tiring and stressful it must be to have to constantly live in this type of environment. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My daughter’s boy friend pushed her out of a moving vehicle and she went to the emergency room. Is there anything we can do? Like file a police report? We are her parents asking and my daughter is 23 years old. Thank you.   Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been for your daughter to go through that. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
I was a victim of domestic violence for 12 years mental sexual and physical. My new husband knows I have severe PTSD But when he gets angry with me he does stuff purposely to trigger it like poking me over and over again until I get so angry or scard that I fight back And do something like pull his hair and then claims that I am abusing him. I know doing those things are wrong but I can’t help it. I don’t mean to pull his hair. I don’t want to be an abuser. what do I do when he won’t let up or traps me in a room? Is this common behavior for someone like me? My heart is broken knowing that I’ve done this. But at the same time I feel like I’m defending myself.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
My husband of 1 year from arranged marriage has never hit me(and he can’t because I am very independent and he knows I will leave him immediately if this happens) but when we fight, he throws things, breaks things and after fights to say sorry, he never actually says sorry instead starts tickling me and when I try to stop him, twists my arms and tickling gets aggressive(and he has serious face while tickling) and he wont stop until I start crying and then he again feels guilty when I start crying but this has happened uncountable times.I am not sure if this kind of tickling is considered as an abuse or he is just a bit weird.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. No one deserves to be touched without their consent. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you would like additional support or information, we would be more than happy to talk with you on our 24/7 anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952. 
What are the requirements to get into weave is the any availability for immediate stay i have no friends or family that can help im lost with no way out  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 for more information on our Residential program. 
Me and my boyfriend got into an argument in his truck, I decided I was going to walk away from the situation. I got off and as soon as I did he started yelling at me, he honked his horn, he called me many names and threatened to get off and physically get me back into the truck. I refused to get back in, he got so angry and punched the center console very hard. After about a minute or so of me refusing to get back into the truck he grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the truck. Is this abuse? I’m only 18 and he’s 21 we’ve been together for 2 years, this is my first and real relationship I’ve ever been in.  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how scary and painful it must have been. You did not deserve to be grabbed or shoved and you are not responsible for you boyfriend’s behavior. What happened was not your fault and you do not deserve to be called names. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
So I never really got along with my brother and I’ll admit for a good part of our lives I treated him like shit which I’m not proud of and felt bad about myself afterwards. For the past 3 years I’ve been trying to do everything in my power to be a better sister and I constantly apologize for the things I did when we were younger. But my brother thinks it’s ok to choke me, body shame me, hold things over my head that I told him confidentially, hit me upside the head, punch me in numerous places, make me feel bad about myself, verbally assault me every chance he gets, and take all of his aggression and anger punt on me even if I wasn’t the reason behind it. I’ll admit that I have put my hands on him once but it was because he was harassing me and that’s a mistake I try not to make again because violence isn’t ever the answer. According to my brother the reason he does these things to me is because my voice, face, and over all presence make him want to “beat the shit out of me” and he uses the excuse I treated him badly for 5 years (which I’m not nor ever will be proud of and will always apologize for it). So I just take whatever he does to me and I don’t fight back because I think I deserve it for how I used to treat him. But my question is, do I deserve it any of this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your brother. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. It seems like you have both had a rocky relationship over the years. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I believe my daughter to be in a n abusive relationship however she does not see it or have the mental strength to make the hard decision to leave. She is dating my friends son. He has punched holes in the wall, broken furniture, broken doors, punched her car window while she was in the car, and calls her names such as retarded or special needs. These are only a few examples. My question is if it is my daughter’s fault if she gets punched around (so far not hit as far as I know) but pushed to where she has fallen and been hurt. My friend thinks it is my daughter’s fault because she is “mouthy”. I do not think it is ever okay to put your hands on someone regardless of what they are saying. Is this abuse and is it my daughter’s fault?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Managing an abusive relationship is difficult and scary and it is no way your daughters’ fault for the abuse that has occurred. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We can also offer more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
I’m struggling to know how to move forward and what to do while I wait for my divorce. I’m leaving my husband after years of emotional abuse, and as I left he showed signs of borderline or narcissism or something. After he moved out, he showed up at my house After I filed and said he was moving back in whether I wanted him to or not. Then he insisted later during mediation that it wasn’t domestic violence. I left in fear and gave them the house, and now I’m living in an apartment with a friend, paying for his life because he doesn’t work and I don’t have enough money left over to take much care of myself. I’m struggling emotionally, I’m trying to do positive self work to get through this, but the days seem so long. I’m working from home and my young child really struggles with not being able to have my attention while I’m working. I can’t afford childcare. I need kind words to help me understand how I’m gonna get through this. Our hearing is set for the end of November, but he wants to mediate. Even though mediation was already tried and failed miserably. I’m almost out of my retainer for my lawyer. I’m feeling hopeless and helpless, like I’m never going to be able to get away from him.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. We are sorry to read that you are currently in a tough situation. I cannot imagine how overwhelming, stressful, and scary having to deal with that on a constant basis must be. You do not deserve to be abused. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave. It makes sense why you left the relationship It is frustrating that he is trying to invalidate what you experienced. Having to pay his bills while caring for your child and fleeing your home must make everything that much harder. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your children. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get to decide what are the best steps for you to take. This situation seems overwhelming. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is this the end 

 

How do I leave my husband who abuses me in every way possible to make me feel like nothing when he has custody of our daughter and has drug problems h he has drug me through the mud and ruined my life and reputation and still has a hold on me now I can’t leave because I am afraid he will abuse my child and would become homeless again how would that help me out there is no way out 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting it must be to have to stay with your abuser, especially when you are concerned for the safety of your child. You do not deserve to be abused and you did not do anything wrong. What you are going through is a lot deal with and it makes sense that you want to leave. Though being in an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of your child and yourself. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. Whatever you decided, remember that you are not alone.  

For months i feel that I’ve been mentally abused by my current partner and I can’t leave eith fear of her doing something bad to me. 

  

We have been together for nearly 3 years but in the past year she has become very controlling asking where I’m going and what I’m doing. Even if I tell her where I’m going and what I’m doing she doesn’t believe it and gets angry to.the point I’m to scared to leave the house just in case she will do something bad. 

  

She seems to take advantage of me when I’m at my most vulnerable such as return from work after a long day, coming back from visiting friends or even after drinking a beer with my friends….this she chooses this time to try a provoke an arguement with me. 

  

I don’t know what to do because it feels like when there is an arguement I’m always the one to be blamed by her and made to feel like it’s all my fault everytime and i have to accept all responsibility for the way that she feels. 

  

Please! Any advice 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are going through a tough time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate your situation. We are sorry to hear that you are being abused mentally. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. If you are comfortable, we would like to hear more about what is going on so that we could provide you with more support and information. Our 24/7 support line can be reached at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I am in an abusive marriage with 2 kids the abuse is getting worse,itbis verbal with threats to shoot me and kick me out of house,take my 2 boys,I work,pay all bills most of rent,but he is an MFT, inappropriate, abuses me verbally while on phone with clients,sells prescription bdrugs out of our home,gets his mom ex drug addict to help him abuse me and kids,carries a gun on him at all times ,has at least 2; others in house, threatens me day and night,degrades me in public, in front of kids,yells me I won’t be believed and tells me to get out, you ain’t taking my boys and he has filed several.lawsuits and won,he has over 65,000 in bank ,makes me spend my whole check everyonth 

 

The police have been called twice ,the do nothing and I am afraid my kids will be taken while I am trying to save them,he beats the dog,he beats the kids, he teaches them to fight each other, his mom helps, 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. We are sorry to read that you are currently in a tough situation. I cannot imagine how overwhelming, stressful, and scary having to deal with that on a constant basis must be. You, your children and your dog do not deserve to be abused and you did not do anything to deserve this type of treatment.  It is frustrating that you contacted the police and were not able to receive any help. Having to pay most of the bills and dealing with your husbands’ mother must make everything that much harder. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you, your children and your dog. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I need some advice I used to prostitute and then I started dating my boyfriend and he was not okay with me doing that anymore but all the sudden he started hitting me and fighting with me and being very controlling wanting to know my every move I can’t go anywhere but he could be gone all day and night he has access to my phone and everything I have but all the sudden put a new lock on his phone and won’t give it to me he keeps breaking up with me and kicking me out and then coming to find me telling me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore blaming at son everything he can think of we used to have sex alot and now he barely has sex with me ever and recently when he did tried telling me that another man pubic hair ended up in his mouth while he was eating my pussy I just need some advice and how to find the truth without him knowing where I can prove it can some on what I should do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a difficult time and are looking for assistance with navigating your situation. We are sorry to read that your boyfriend is hitting/fighting you and trying to surveillance everything that you are doing. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault for how he is behaving. We cannot imagine how stressful and tiring it must be to have to constantly deal with this type of behavior. This situation seems overwhelming. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

After 12 years with my girlfriend and two children we have together ive been arrested for domestic. For three years I have been attacked physically by her and would leave/ run to avoid altercation, it has been getting progressively worse and even in front of our sons. We broke up but she has it in her head were still together, refuses to leave our home and still wants to fight so I moved out

. She has stopped letting me see our sons. 

After trying to visit my sons and regain balance in my life an argument via phone took place about a babysitter at our once shared home to watch children who have a father. I expressed my hurt and emotion and went to leave, while leaving my house on bike she caught up in a car and hit me, as I was getting up she proceeded to attack me so I defended myself without unnecessary force. The police were called and she said I was the aggressor with false claims resulting in my arrest. I have pending charges and understand if your unable to speak on it but she has since spread rumors to friends and family stating I’m lost to drugs and had an affair with a drug addict resulting with me cutting ties with them, dhs and cps contacted her regarding the d.v to explain the victim’s role and to check the well being of our sons,

My question is pending trial and dismissal of my pending charges am I obligated or subject to abide by and defend myself against said allegations? 

And can an ex g/f who is involved with cps make claims true or false of child endangerment/ neglect on my new g/f in lieu of her children? 

4 children run the risk of being taken and put in the system as well as criminal charges and jail for party’s involved please take this into consideration, I hope to hear back from you and thank you for your time. 

 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions on our message board. We recommend contacting A Community for Peace, as they might be better suited to addressing your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
Why is it hard to leave my relationship of 4 years I got 2 kids by him and I’m so scared and anxious on leaving  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine how hard everything must be. Leaving a relationship can be tough, especially when we are feeling scared and anxious. it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your kids. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 

My ex wife is trying to kill me & police won’t do anything about it. I cannot afford a lawyer to take her to court. 

She has falsely accused me of indescent exposure to my child and said that I sexually molested her, they have done multiple exams on her and nothing was found. 

After months of her making accusations about things the judge and my probation officer now know she falsely accused me of the charges against me. Later today my niece had found a post on Facebook of her trying to sell my property, there was a post from a man who is in law inforcment asking if there property was big enough to dig holes undetected and my ex wife replied “ to dig many holes, dig one big enough and I’ll throw in the body” this guy had also said that he was going to take me to the canyon up the mountain and shoot me. I have brought this to the attention of police and they all says they couldn’t help me and that it was a civil dispute any tips

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I can’t imagine how frustrating and overwhelming this must be. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, this situation is out of our scope. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

 

My ex and I split up 6 months ago. He was a narcissist or a sociopath… at least I think. Within the last 6 months, I blocked him from everything I can think of; however, he would manage to call me, email me, and message me on different numbers and accounts. He would leave presents outside of my house once a month. Recently, on another one of his new emails, he sent me a chapter book he wrote on a pdf file that seemed as if it were a diary of our 4-year relationship, only he also included dark sadistic actions he did to my dog. The abuse he caused my dog was so severe, that I believed him when he told me that my dog got attacked by another dog at the park. I believed him because I convinced myself a human would never choke a small dog against the wall, and bash its head against the concrete. He wrote that he did these things, and then proceeded to cry to my dog for forgiveness. It is complete insanity and pure disgust. I am afraid that if I press charges, he will do something dangerous or drastic to myself or himself. He deserves punishment, but I fear what he will do next. I need help and i know i need to take action, but I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand and can’t move.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are in a difficult and scary situation and are trying to figure out a safe way to handle it. We are sorry to read about your dog. We cannot imagine how you must have felt when you find out that information. It must have been heartbreaking. It makes sense why you want to press charges and the fact that your ex continues to harass you through different platforms must make it hard, especially when you are trying to remain safe. You and your dog do not deserve to be treated like this and it is not your fault. This situation is tough. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Hi everyone, I have a quick question or concern. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years. We have had our ups and downs. Hitting whatsoever. This past Sunday we were drinking at our house with his brother and girlfriend, and i told him secretly that I didn’t liked how nice he was being with his brothers girlfriend. All hell broke lose he slapped me and the i told him don’t hit me so he snapped got me by the neck and started punching me on the face I couldn’t do much but to try and stop him by grabbing his face . The next day came and everyone and him made me feel like it was my fault. I’m starting to believe it is.  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how scary and painful it must have been. Regardless of what transpired you did not deserve to be physically assaulted and you are not responsible for you boyfriend’s behavior. What happened on that Sunday was not your fault, no matter what your boyfriend or anyone else says. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Me and boyfriend got into a heated argument and he called his sister to come beat me up outside my home. Cops came after she fled from scene and ruled it ass harassment and possibly simple assault. I am dependent on the boyfriend for a lot of things because I cannot do everything alone. I’m a young mom with two small children and not much family and friends to turn to. I can’t find a job that pays me enough to be able to live alone and support my little ones. He is threatening that if I press charges he’ll leave… I’m scared and don’t know what to do here…

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are in a difficult situation and you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate everything. We are sorry to read that you were assaulted by your boyfriend’s sister. No one should be assaulted due to a heated argument and what your boyfriend’s sister did was not okay. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how hard and stressful it must be to have to be dependent on you boyfriend, especially when he is making threats to leave. Having two children and not getting enough support from friends and family must make it that much harder. If you are comfortable, we would like to hear a little bit more of what is going on so that we could offer you more support and see if there are any services that we could provide. We can be reached on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You AF 10/7/20

get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.

I’ve been verbally abused for 20 years. I don’t family to help. I’m currently not working. I have two kids. I don’t know what to do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are in a tough position. We are sorry to read that you have been verbally abused for 20 years. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been to endure that situation for so long. You did not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. If you are comfortable, we would like to hear a little bit more of what is going on so that we could offer you more support and see if there are any services that we could provide. We can be reached on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I’m confused with my relationship and I don’t know whether I should stay in it, find help for me and my partner or leave it. In the beginning of our relationship, he wouldn’t hit me physically, but he’d find a way to harm using objects and try to play it “cool” in other words, try to convince me that I was crazy or that I hurt myself and I couldn’t ever explain to myself how I would get pain in my body. My body doesn’t usually bruise up quickly as others ,but that doesn’t mean I am not tolerating any pain. To better understand this, I was in the front seat of his friends car, and he was in the back seat. We were angry at each other, so we weren’t communicating as much, he would conversate with his friend and then me and his friend would conversate. Within that moment, he used the little storage behind the central console, to hurt me. My hand was resting on it and he closed it while my hand was there and hurt me, I didn’t move at all thinking maybe he just pushed it down by accident, but he did it again 2 more times. I started screaming at him and he said ”oh I didn’t know there was something there” He would do other things such as that and it got worse to the point when I started responding back in such ways and eventually it became physical abuse. 

I am convinced at this moment that everything is my fault because i bitched slapped him and threw his phone across. But now, I’m thinking what the heck happened. I’m confused as to where if it was all my fault or if he had all right to hurt me back. 

[ Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. No one deserves to be physically assaulted in a relationship regardless if someone is mad or if there is an argument. Looking back on a situation we can wonder whether we deserved to be treated a certain way or if we did anything to cause our treatment. These thoughts are normal, but we need to understand that choosing to hit or physically assault somebody is a choice. You are never responsible for the actions of other people, including your partner, and you did not do anything wrong to be treated that way. I cannot imagine how tiring and stressful it must be to have to constantly live in this type of environment. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Does my husband have the right to physically assault me because he doesn’t want me to smoke cigarettes? He doesn’t approve of me smoking and has taken all the car keys (he says to prevent me from going to the store to buy cigarettes), follows me outside to the back porch (which is where I smoke) and then wrestles the cigarettes away from me. This evening he injured my left hand after I begged him to please leave me alone. I told him that I would call the cops and he said that they wouldn’t do anything. My husband is in the military and we have just moved to a new location where I don’t know anyone. I don’t know what to do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are in a stressful situation. No one has a right to physically assault you, regardless of the situation. It is okay for your husband to disapprove of your smoking, but it is not okay for them to physically assault you or to try to force you to stop smoking. It seems like moving to a new location has been isolating. I cannot imagine how lonely that must feel sometimes to be away from family and friends. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
It’s alcohol every time my boyfriend hits me but never when sober is there any hope? He’s in jail right now  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear that your boyfriend was hitting you. Regardless if someone is under the influence of alcohol, it is never okay for them to hit anyone. I cannot imagine how scary and painful that must have been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. If you are needing additional support or information, you can give us a call on your 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952.  
I have become abusive towards my husband because he has done some deal breaker things and I don’t want to be married to him. I don’t want to try anymore. Why does he still want to be married to me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship and its normal to not want to try anymore. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
my adult son still lives at home. he has always been abusive towards his mother and me.today he assaulted me and threatened to kill me.I know its just anger talking.if I report it to the police will he be arrested. I dont want that  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your son. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Involving police can be overwhelming and scary. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My bf is 21 and he has a younger sister who is 15 and both their parents are physically and mentally abusive his dad is also an alcoholic I just want to help them out of it I don’t know what to do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like your boyfriend and his sister are going through a rough time. It must be hard seeing them go through this and it makes sense why you are trying to help. Here at WEAVE, our services are centered around intimate partner violence. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.  
My husband is a generally sweet guy who I think has emotional regulation problems. He’s never jealous or try to control finances (I do finances) and when we fight we both can be terrible. I’m being told he’s abusive. He has pushed me a few times (when we both equally contribute to a bad fight) and he put his hands around my neck recently. When he’s reached his limit he won’t let me leave the house. This isn’t often. Is this abusive?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are trying to figure out the dynamics of your relationship. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you would like additional support or information, we would be more than happy to talk with you on our 24/7 anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952.  

My fiancé emotionally abused me in the last month and then left and blocked me with no contact. I’m in depression, have had frequent anxiety attacks, went to mount Sinai too where I was injected to relax with my fiancé only and then he just vanished. 

 

Our culture is different and hence we weren’t sleeping/living together but he was staying at my place every other day. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on and you are trying to process everything. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been to have your fiancé leave without telling you anything, especially after you endured their abuse. Whatever you are feeling is normal and it is not your fault. We would love to offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at (916) 90-2952. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I am a 26 year old single mother on welfare with one child and my mother is threatening to kick me. She had verbally and emotionally abused me my entire like and she used to physically abuse me. She is a compulsive liar and narcissist and comes home with treats and little gifts after threatening to kick me and my child out and got super upset when I kept my distance and focused on myself and my child. She is now texting me and saying I need to leave in 30 days or else she’s removing my name from the lease or removing her own name and leaving because she knows I can’t afford to live here on my own. Is this abuse? I feel like it is. Can she have my name removed? She’s threatened to abandon me for as long as I can remember and this time it all started because I didn’t wait for her at the grocery store. I was with my child in this dry heat and I told her I was going to start walking while she talked to the cashier about politics. She then just blew up and said she wanted me out of her house. Again. I’m so overwhelmed and worried about the safety of myself and my baby.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. It seems like you are going through a extremely difficult time. I am sorry to read that you have to deal with your mother’s verbal and emotional abuse. You and your child do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault for how your mother chooses to behave. It must be extremely stressful being told that you are going to be kicked out and it makes sense that you are feeling overwhelmed, especially when considering the safety of you and your child. Here at WEAVE, our services are centered around intimate partner violence. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. Another resource that might be able to provide with assistance will be 2-1-1 Sacramento. They can be reached by dialing 2-1-1 or calling 1-800-500-4931. 

I finally have the courage to leave a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. My husband is a narcissist and he has choked me out to the point that I had to go to the ER. Ive lost myself to this relationship mentally, emotionally and physically and now my health is being affected.We argue all the time and he’s told me to leave. And I also need to leave for my peace of mind. We discussed shared custody. Now that the time is approaching he’s acting irrationally and using our daughter to control me. I live in NY and can’t afford a place there so I intend to move to NJ. He said I can’t move anywhere that he can’t get to our daughter in 30 minutes. Can I get some advice on what my rights are and what he’s is. Also because I’m moving to another state can he say that I’m kidnapping our daughter. He said I’m 

Not going anywhere with her. 

   

He’s currently unemployed, I take care of 90% of the expenses so he’s losing that support and giving me a hard time. Help pleas 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful, scary and exhausting being in this situation has been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave. It makes sense why you left the relationship, and it is heartbreaking to read that your husband is using your daughter to manipulate the situation. It looks like you are looking for assistance within NY or possibly NJ. We believe that the National Domestic Violence Hotline would be better suited to provide you with local resources and further support within those areas. You can reach them at 1-800-799-7233.  

My partner of almost 5 years and I got into a argument and she had left with almost all her belongings. She the comes back and gets her clothes and I asked about the hiegen products she had taken everything I asked her for my stuff back she said fine I’ll bring it back if she can. Then grabs the laundry soap and bleach and started to walk out I said no your not taking all that she said yes she is and I noticed that she had the mace I had bought her and I said no you can put some in a couple of empty water bottles

and leaves 20-30 minutes later to guys show up with a long heavy pipe and the other has a knife the one with the pipe crouches and started swinging hard for my legs and the one with the knife starts swinging yelling you hit her in the face not her face I’m like what the hell is going on backing up yell I didn’t hit her get the fuck out the one with the knife See’s the broken shovel handle I’m defenseless and then I see white for a minute I’m holding up my arms like a boxer trying to grab the things swung at me I see white again but I fall to the ground the guy with the pipe screams not her face this is for her and hits my left leg so hard my teeth hurt I know I’m done for my knee and leg or broken I can see it by the way my leg is laying the one with the knife pushed me back and said not the face and I keep thinking what the hell why do they keep saying that but that’s what I need advice on and how long do I have to fill charges 

  

  

Please help me yes I’m a man who is the abused ok help me 

 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and think that “A Community for Peace” might be able to provide you with resources better suited for your situation. You can reach their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.    
 I left my husband of 30 years, he was physically abusive to me in the early years when I would piss him off and has always been verbally abusive to the point I got used to it and gave it back to him. In the the last 15 or 20 years he had stopped trying to hit me and mostly broke thing like my windshield and windows or things in the house. He would say its his property too and he could break it. he was able to work and would work time to time but only for himself because he is an alcoholic and drinks from the time he wakes up and cant drink working for a boss or company. He is a carptenter. I was mostly responsible for paying the bills, we didn’t agree to do this I just got stuck doing it if wanted t survive. The end of 2019 I left I couldn’t take it anymore, our only child had grown and moved out and we were alone now in the house and the drinking and yelling got worse so I left. I filed bankruptcy and trying to start over, Im going to file for divorce soon. but I feel so guilty that he can not take care of himself. He hasn’t made a house payment, he works some when he wants. why do I still feel responsible. Is it my fault I let him be the way he is by allowing it to continue that he got worse and now cant cope? He makes me feel guilty, he wants me to come back and Im so much happier now but I feel like do I have the right to just leave after 30 years? I feel like I am breaking a law by abandoning him but he is not a child I know  Thanking you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have been going through this experience for a long time, it seems like it has been a lot to deal with and process. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this situation must be. Everyone deserves to feel safe in a relationship. There are many reasons why someone might go back to their abuser and this is completely normal. It is okay to feel sad or guilty but know you did nothing wrong by standing up for yourself. It is not okay that you are being abused. Nothing you did makes this your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for your abuser’s actions. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about divorce and would like to discuss your legal options, we have a legal team that can assist you.  If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   

Been with an abusive man for 11 years now…we have 3 kids. I’ve been suicidal for a while but now I’m starting to feel like it’s my only way out. I’ve called the cops on him at least twice and they have never done anything about it. I have no family here, they are across the country. I’m too poor to take care of the kids on my own. I just feel I will never be happy again and I’m ready to end myself soon. 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  It seems like you are going through a difficult time and we are sorry that you have not been able to receive any help or support. We cannot imagine how hopeless that must have felt when law enforcement did not do anything to help you. Having your family live across the country must make the situation worse. We want you to know that however you are feeling about the situation is okay. You did not ask to be abused by your partner and it is not your fault. It seems like everything has been overwhelming for a long time and death seems like the only option you can see to end the pain. We want to let you know that you are not alone. We would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are also concerned for your safety. If you are still having thoughts of suicide, we encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 800-273-8255 to provide you with more support. 
Who in mo do I turn to if my husband starts yelling at me every day or every night.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your husband is constantly yelling at you. I cannot imagine how frustrating and exhausting that must be. We would love to hear more about what is going on and offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 
Is it considered neglect, abuse, torture if your fiance does not offer his condolences to you after 2 immediate family members, that you were extremely close with, pass within 10 days of each other?! I know it’s extremely rude, and a completely unacceptible behavior. He has not said one single word about either of them and has made no attempt to attend either one of their funerals. I am so disgusted with him and so emotionally distraught I cannot even focus.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. My condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how much pain you must be in from losing two of your immediate family members. It must be extremely hard for you right now, especially when you are not getting any support from your fiancé. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship and it makes sense that you are disgusted for how he has responded. Processing a death of a loved one is hard, if you are comfortable, we provided a resource to Bereavement Network Resources of Sacramento. They can be reached at (916) 557-5882 or at http://griefhelpsacramento.com/ and can offer you more support during your grieving process.  
Hi, i live in USA and my brother in law is also moving to US with his family. I dont want them to come over to my place because they have always used me for their selfish reasons and treated me like a servant only. I have decided that they shouldn’t come and live where i am living so that i don’t have to deal them in the future. Is there any way to stop him? I spoke to my husband and he seems to be waiting for right time and treating me very nicely so that i get convinced. once his brother will be here, he will show his true color. my job is good and they want to use me. once they will come, i will have no privacy. i have tried my best but they are always jealous of me and have always tried to belittle me. please advise. Thanks  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you might be in a difficult situation. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be to anticipate this person’s arrival. You do not deserve to be treated like a servant or have people take advantage of you. Here at WEAVE, we focus on intimate partner violence. “A Community for Peace,” offers services and resources that are better suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

 I finally have the courage to leave a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. My husband is a narcissist and he has choked me out to the point that I had to go to the ER. Ive lost myself to this relationship mentally, emotionally and physically and now my health is beingaffected.We argue all the time and he’s told me to leave. And I also need to leave for my peace of mind. We discussed shared custody. Now that the time isapproaching he’s acting irrationally and using our daughter to control me. I live in NY and can’t afford a place there so I intend to move to NJ. He said I can’t move anywhere that he can’t get to our daughter in 30 minutes. Can I get some advice on what my rights are and what he’s is. Also because I’m moving to another state can he say that I’m kidnapping our daughter. He said I’m 

Not going anywhere with her. 

   

He’s currently unemployed, I take care of 90% of the expenses so he’s losing that support and giving me a hard time. Help pleas 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful, scary and exhausting being in this situation has been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave. It makes sense why you left the relationship,and it is heartbreaking to read that your husband is using your daughter to manipulate the situation. It looks like you are looking for assistance within NY or possibly NJ. We believe that the National Domestic Violence Hotline would be better suited to provide you with local resourcesand further support within those areas. You can reach them at 1-800-799-7233.  
My partner of almost 5 years and I got into a argument and she had left with almost all her belongings. She the comes back and gets her clothes and I asked about the hiegen products she had taken everything I asked her for my stuff back she said fine I’ll bring it back if she can. Then grabs the laundry soap and bleach and started to walk out I said no your not taking all that she said yes she is and I noticed that she had the mace I had bought her and I said no you can put some in a couple of empty water bottles she screams no get out of the way or I’ll make you and again I said no she then macedme the first time and then I pushed her away and I yelled at her saying really yourgoing to mace me over laundry soap how childish can you get then she maced me again inches for my face right in my eyes and then I try to grab it and find her face I rub my face and rub it all over her face she starts crying and screaming and screams you’ll be sorry she washes her face scrubbing to hard scratches her face a little and leaves 20-30 minutes later to guys show up with a long heavy pipe and the other has a knife

I can see it by the way my leg is laying the one with the knife pushed me back and said not the face and I keep thinking what the hell why do they keep saying that but that’s what I need advice on and how long do I have to fill charges 

  

  

Please help me yes I’m a man who is the abused ok help me 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and think that “A Community for Peace” might be able to provide you with resources better suited for your situation. You can reach their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.    
 I left my husband of 30 years, he was physically abusive to me in the early years when I would piss him off and has always been verbally abusive to the point I got used to it and gave it back to him. In thethe last 15 or 20 years he had stopped trying to hit me and mostly broke thinglike my windshield and windows or things in the house. He would say its his property too and he could break it. he was able to work and would work time to time but only for himself because he is an alcoholic and drinks from the time he wakes up andcant drink working for a boss or company. He is a carptenter. I was mostly responsible for paying the bills, we didn’t agree to do this I just got stuck doing it if wanted t survive. The end of 2019 I left I couldn’t take it anymore, our only child had grown and moved out and we were alone now in the house and the drinking and yelling got worse so I left. I filed bankruptcy and trying to start over, Imgoing to file for divorce soon. but I feel so guilty that he can not take care of himself. He hasn’t made a house payment, he works some when he wants. why do I still feel responsible. Is it my fault I let him be the way he is by allowing it to continue that he got worse and now cant cope? He makes me feel guilty, he wants me to come back and Im so much happier nowbut I feel like do I have the right to just leave after 30 years? I feel like I am breaking a law by abandoning him but he is not a child I know  Thanking you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have been going through this experience for a long time, it seems like it has been a lot to deal with and process. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this situation must be. Everyone deserves to feel safe in a relationship. There are many reasons why someone might go back to their abuser and this is completely normal.It is okay to feel sad or guilty but know you did nothing wrong by standing up for yourself. It is not okay that you are being abused. Nothing you did makes this your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for your abuser’s actions. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about divorce and would like to discuss your legal options, we have a legal team that can assist you.  If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous
Been with an abusive man for 11 years now…we have 3 kids. I’ve been suicidal for a while but now I’m starting to feel like it’s my only way out. I’ve called the cops on him at least twice and they have never done anything about it. I have no familyhere, they are across the country. I’m too poor to take care of the kids on my own. I just feel I will never be happy again and I’m ready to end myself soon.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  It seems like you are going through a difficult time and we are sorry that you have not been able to receive any help or support.We cannot imagine how hopeless that must have felt when law enforcement did not do anything to help you. Having your family live across the country must make the situation worse. We want you to know that however you are feeling about the situation is okay. You did not ask to be abused by your partner and it is not your fault. It seems like everything has been overwhelming for a long time and deathseems like the only option you can see to end the pain. We want to let you know that you are not alone. We would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are also concerned for your safety. If you are still having thoughts of suicide, we encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 800-273-8255 to provide you with more support. 
Who in mo do I turn to if my husband starts yelling at me every day or everynight.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your husband is constantly yelling at you. I cannot imagine how frustrating and exhausting that must be. We would love to hear more about what is going on and offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 
Is it considered neglect, abuse, torture if your fiance does not offer his condolences to you after 2 immediate family members, that you were extremely close with, pass within 10 days of each other?! I know it’s extremely rude, and a completelyunacceptible behavior. He has not said one single word about either of them andhas made no attempt to attend either one of their funerals. I am so disgusted with him and so emotionally distraught I cannot even focus.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. My condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how much pain you must be in from losing two of your immediate family members. It must be extremely hard for you right now, especially when you are not getting any support from your fiancé. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship and it makes sense that you are disgusted for how he has responded. Processing a death of a loved one is hard, if you are comfortable, we provided a resource to Bereavement Network Resources of Sacramento. They can be reached at (916) 557-5882 or athttp://griefhelpsacramento.com/ and can offer you more support during your grieving process.  
Hi, i live in USA and my brother in law is also moving to US with his family. I dontwant them to come over to my place because they have always used me for their selfish reasons and treated me like a servant only. I have decided that they shouldn’t come and live where i am living so that i don’t have to deal them in the future. Is there any way to stop him? I spoke to my husband and he seems to be waiting for right time and treating me very nicely so that i get convinced. once his brother will be here, he will show his true color. my job is good and they want to use me. once they will come, i will have no privacy. i have tried my best but they are always jealous of me and have always tried to belittle me. please advise. Thanks  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you might be in a difficult situation. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be to anticipate this person’s arrival.You do not deserve to be treated like a servant or have people take advantage of you. Here at WEAVE, we focus on intimate partner violence. “A Community for Peace,” offers services and resources that are better suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

My abusive NOW EX-BF refuses to let me move out of the apartment becAuse he quit his job (to no doubt run around with some chic,) and needs me to pay the rent. 

How do I get out? 

I’m not leaving him all of my stuff, no way. 

He has stolen $4,000 worth of music gear from me and now is just going to sit here and make me pay all the bills. 

What do I do? 

He sleeps on the couch every night and is only nice to me when he wants something. Other than that, I am a piece of shit. He is so mean. It’s almost like I feel like I’m being held hostage. 

I’m afraid to do anything in fear he’ll just literally beat the crap out of me. 

He holds onto the keys to the apartment like the place is his but yet he doesn’t pay any bills and the apartment isn’t even in his name. 

I’m literally just wanting to move my stuff, including the music gear he claims is hisbut I AM PAYING FOR. And then just leave but he’s not letting me. 

What do I do? Seriously. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  I am sorry to read that you are in a difficult situation. No one deserves to feel like they are being held hostage in their own apartment and you should be able to leave any situation that does not feel safe or comfortable. It must be stressful and frustrating having to pay rent by yourself, especially when your ex is being mean andrefusing to let you leave. You do not deserve to be treated this way, and it is in no way your fault. The way that your ex-bf is behaving is not okay and it makes why you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My adult son got sentence to prison for 4 years and I was the only one that supported him and stayed by him. The only one. He told me how things would change and how he wanted to be a better father to his two kids and all kinds of things he wanted to change. Now that he is released, he is hanging out with the same meth head people and not being a good father and not doing any of the things he said he was going to do. I offered him to stay at my house, which he robbed. He only comes around to do laundry and eat and shower. He is staying with a drug dealer girlfriend at theirparents house and the girlfriend is very disrespectful to me and he thinks it’s ok. He lunged at me once and I thought he was going to hit me. I am afraid of my own son and its killing me inside. I feel like he used me for the four years he was in prison for money for commissary, phone calls, visits, etc which came to about 15000.00 in total. Not one of the people he hangs out with now was there for him for one second. N  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. It seems like you are going through a hard time. I can see from your message that your son was important to you and cannot imagine how painful it must be to feel used and unappreciated.You do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully and should not have to fear your son. It seems like the situation has been a lot to process. “A Community for Peace,” offers services and resources that are better suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.  
why does my dad always tell me his dad threatened to knock him on his ass. but then he goes and tells he would’ve taken the chance to hit me. i need to leave this house. i dont feel safe here  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are not feeling safe in your own home. No one should have to deal with this type of behavior, and you are not responsible for your father’s actions. I cannot imagine how stressful and tiring it must be to have to live there. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and think that “A Community for Peace” might be able to provide you withresources better suited for your situation.You can reach their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.  

We do not live together, I asked her to engage me but now all she says is i am acting weird and that I’m cheating every day. She threatened to take a restraining order if I break up the engagement. Can I do something to protect myself before she does anything? 

I’m 26 but she just sees me as her source of “happiness and non bordem” 

Thank you for sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. It seems like your situation has been stressful and exhausting and you are having a hard time figuring out what steps to take. I cannot imagine how overwhelming it must be to be someone’s source of “happiness.” It seems like the dynamics of the relationship have changed and it makes sense that you are questioning whether you should proceed with this engagement. You should be able to decide whether you want to be in a relationship without the fear of retaliation. It seems like the situation has been a lot to process. We would love to hear more about what is going on and offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I’m a man, my kids mom is physically and verbally abusive to me. She has threatened many times that if I try and take the kids, she will tell them that I am abusive. Small town will 

Most likely believe her. She also threatens to keep the kids from me. She’s technically primary, but I have them more. She also had a child after we split with someone else that is not in the picture. I am raising him like he’s mine. I don’t have any legal rights to him, so she would for sure be able to keep him from 

Me. What do I do? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing physical and verbal abuse. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how hard and exhausting it must be to deal with this, especially when you are threatened to have your kids taken away from you. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate through this situation. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Been in this mentally physically emotionally abusive relationship for 14 years he has taken everything that made me me away and says I done it to my self Now I’m at the point I have no job no money no clothes no friends my parents are dead no place to go my car fixed where it can’t be drove   Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this difficult situation. You do not deserve to be mentally, physically, or emotionally abused and you are not to blame for the way that this person is treating you. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate through this situation. I cannot imagine how exhausting it must be to have to deal with this, especially with the lack of support and resources. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My ex choked me and busted my lip … I’m afraid to tell the cops what if they don’t believe me . Im afraid of him . He’s gotten away with so much what if he gets away with. Again .  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through an incredibly difficult time right now. No one deserves to be choked and have their lip busted. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and what your ex did to you was not your fault. I cannot imagine how scary and frustrating it is to be in this situation. It makes sense why you are afraid to tell the cops and have concerns regarding if they will believe you, especially if your ex was not held accountable for their actions in the past. Those feelings are normal and valid. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

He slapped me in the face I fell to the ground. He kicked me between the legs. 4+X’s before that he punched holes in the wall, threw a glass on the floor, over turned furniture and called me demeaning names even the C word. His adolescent nephew was diagnosed with IED. I think he may have it as well or is it abuse ? It’s been a week and just now I’m feeling mad at myself for staying , scared and confused. He hit his X In the face 23 yrs ago. He says this is only the second time and he “says” it will never happen again. Do I leave him ? I’m in counseling and I told him we wanted to stay together , and he is going to counseling. I am so confused and sad. 

 

Will he do it again?? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult and confusing time. I cannot imagine how scary, stressful and exhausting it must be to have to be in that type of environment. You do not deserve to be slapped, kicked, demeaned or experience any type of violence from anyone, regardless if they are living with IED or any other behavioral health issues. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Remember that you are not responsible for this person’s actions and you did not do anything to wrong. You said that you are feeling mad, scared and confused. Those feelings are completely normal, and it makes sense why you would be feeling that way. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Can I report someone that hit me to the police without using my real name  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation and it makes sense why you would want to remain anonymous. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I’m 17 on October, close right? Well, my stepdad is mentally abusive to me and only me out of 3 girls. I have a friend with an apartment and want to move in and get away from my stepdad. Am I, a 17 yr old, allowed to make that decision on my own?  

   

I have a dad but don’t want to live with him right now. His place is too crowded. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate through this situation. You do not deserve to be mentally abused by your stepdad and it is not your fault for the way that he chooses to treat you. I cannot imagine how stressful, exhausting and hurtful it must be to have to constantly deal with this behavior. You deserve to come home to a place that feels safe and comforting. It makes sense why you are thinking about moving and this is completely normal. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide you with a direct answer. It seems like there is a lot going on and we would like to hear more about your situation so that we can provide you with more support and information. You can reach us on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

My fiancé loses his temper during arguments. It seems to be getting worse since we’ve had our child. He has thrown shoes at the back of my head, grabbed me by my throat and pinned me, threw our son’s rocker chair at my back, backed me into corners, slammed me into walls, left bruises, and called me awful names. I have been told I am nothing & I have started to believe it. He has told me that if I leave him I will have nobody. I didn’t realize I was being abused until recently, as I was severely depressed after the birth of my son and thought that it was something I was doing wrong. When we aren’t arguing we are happy, and I love having my family together, but I feel like I don’t know the severity of my situation because I haven’t told anyone that these things are happening to me. He would never hurt our son, he loves him more than anything, but I still feel like I need to protect him and leave.  

If i leave how do i know things won’t get worse? I’m worried what he could do. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can tell from your message that you are going through an extremely difficult time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. I cannot imagine how scary, stressful, and painful it is to have to deal with this on a consistent basis. You do not deserve to be physically and verbally assaulted and your fiancés temper is not an excuse to treat you this way. You did nothing wrong and are not responsible for your fiancé’s behavior. It makes sense that you want to leave, especially if you feel that the situation is getting worse and are concerned for your son. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your son. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I am a victim of domestic violence I’m currently inside the home with my abuser and I’m not allowed to leave the house if I do he finds me no matter where I go. Every day I’m getting beat on and I have 2 daughters who watch it. I have money saved up to move into my own place but it will have to be outside of Philadelphia. Last time I moved into another place he found me and dragged me out and fractured my ribs black eyes busted lips stabbed and he put guns to my head and hits me wit guns I’m living in fear every day. Women against abuse shelters are full regular shelters are full. He keeps me away from family. My kids are scared to death of him. He beat me up if I leave the house he rapes me all the time I lost count how many. I had pof’s and restraining orders back and forth to court pressing charges it do not work he still find a way to hurt me physically and mentally. I’m so scared and I need help please someone. I just want my kids safe and I wanna live to see them grow up.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted, threatened with weapons, and held captive. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you and your kids to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kids. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I left a relationship because he was gaslighting me all the time. He wants to be friends, has my number and knows where I live. His current partner just asked me about my experience with him gaslighting me because his current partner feels like the same thing is happening again. I told them my experience, and they said it resonated with them and they are going to leave the relationship. They asked me if it was ok that they tell my ex that they talked to me. I said yes, but now I’m worried that my ex might retaliate because I “ruined their relationship” or something. Was it wrong of me to tell his current partner my experience? Should I have said not to them bringing me into it? How can I make sure retaliation doesn’t happen?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you had to experience gaslighting in your past relationship and it makes sense why you decided to leave. You did not do anything wrong and you should not have to feel fear for sharing your story. I can see why you are concerned about retaliation and that is normal and valid. I can see that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation, if you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 

My boyfriend started hitting me a couple months ago, it started as a “joke” as he would put it, that he does with his friends. This was his way of justifying it, which made me feel like I should be okay with it. He has hit me multiple times, most slapping in the face or back of head. I would not consider this a playful action as it often hurts and/or leaves marks. I also would never as a joke actually hit someone/my friends so this seems weird to me. But i let it happen and I started/do believe it isn’t “abuse” because he was joking, am I fair to be hurt from this?  

This behaviour also started to take place during sex and would be his kink, but I have the same feelings towards it.  

He has cheated and lied to me multiple times and I feel so devasted and drained from this whole relationship. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. You do not deserve to be hit and you are not obligated to put up with this type of behavior because your boyfriend thinks that it is a “joke.” If you are uncomfortable with these actions, then your boyfriend should respect your boundaries and stop. You are entitled to feel however you want about this situation and it is not your fault. It seems like this has been a lot to process and it makes sense why you feel devastated and drained.  If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My ex boyfriend of12 years took out papers for domestic violence 8days after we had the agreement  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are trying to navigate a difficult situation. If you are comfortable, we would like to know a little bit more of what is going on so we could offer you more support. You can reach us at our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
My fiancé and I just moved from Missouri to Texas. The second day in the new house he started hitting me. I’m 10 weeks pregnant and scared of him hurting the baby. He only hurts me when I start arguments because I’m hormonal and when things are good they are amazing and he spoils me. I’m 19 and he was my first boyfriend so I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I moved 12 hours away from my family. I wanted things to be good with him, should I try to get him to go to angry management or work this out in some way? He won’t let me leave, Everytime I’ve tried he said he will kill himself or find me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are trying to navigate this difficult and scary situation. You do not deserve to be hit and you are not responsible for your fiancé’s actions, regardless of any arguments that have occurred. I cannot imagine how stressful and tiring it must be to have to deal with this behavior while also trying to keep your 10-week baby safe. I am sorry that you are 12 hours away from your family, that must be lonely at times. It seems like managing this relationship has been tough, however it is important to think about the safety of you and your child. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and they will be able to provide you with support and resources that are available in your local area. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
How do I stay away from a toxic relationship that was mentally and physically abusive. If we have a kid  Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing mental and physical abuse. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation for you and your child. I cannot imagine how hard and tiring it must be to have to constantly manage a toxic relationship. You do not deserve to deal with mental and physical abuse, and it is not okay. You have done nothing wrong and it is completely valid that you are trying to stay away from this relationship. While dealing with a toxic relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your child. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My fiance tried to kill me. He is jail for attempted murder amongst several other felonies. His family doesn’t speak with him and live far away. Do I have to keep his things.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to hear that you had to go through that experience. I cannot imagine how scary that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated that way and however you are feeling about the situation is normal and okay. You are not obligated to keep or take care of your fiancés belongings and whatever you decided to do with them is your decision. You know the situation best and you get to decide what you think is the best way to proceed. Processing all of this can be a lot, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support on our 24/7 confidential support line at (916) 920-2952 How do I stay away from a toxic relationship that was mentally and physically abusive. If we have a kid 
I was just discharged from an inpatient psychiatric care unit. I have an OP against my rapist and ex of 10 years. I found out he named himself my “relative” on my discharge papers. How did he get away with this? Is this a violation if the name he used does not match his legal name or AKA name? I am beyond startled, but also not one bit surprised. I am just beyond belief that everyone on this unit (and GENERAL HOSPITAL security too) knew how dangerous my particular situation was. The last names are the same. Why did nobody catch this? Or just let me know if they had any suspicion? I never once mentioned him…unless I was crying from fear. I don’t know how he could’ve found me. Apart from calling every mental facility in my region. Any tips will help my mind settle and help me habituate so I can behave like the actual healthy human being that I AM. Thank you all. Thanks for being fighters with me. We are not alone. We are so much smarter than them. We have love on our side.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that this has happened and cannot imagine how scary finding out that information must have been. You had an order of protection to keep you safe, so it makes sense why you would have all these questions. Whatever you are feeling is normal and valid. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 

I have been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year now, and please don’t get me wrong I love him with everything and he is a great guy. His mother used to beat him, neglect him, threaten to kill him, etc so he does carry a lot of trauma. When we got a cat together, he swore she would be both of ours and we’d make the decisions together. Well then she started having a problem pooping outside of her box. I Everytime she does this He punishes her by “spanking” her which the more she does it the more it turns into literally beating the cat. It’s so scary when he does it. 

. But yesterday while I was driving he was yelling at me and saying how I ruined his life and he’s going to kill himself and I will have to tell his family it was my fault. He said he hates me and that we should just break up (which he says almost every fight.) but then as soon as these fights are over he is the sweetest most loving guy I’ve ever been with. He is good to me and generous and kind. He is always always looking out for me. But yesterday he hit me in the face with my notebook. It was the first time he’s done anything like that and I was very very upset. He apologized and told me he would never hurt me, And that we just need to drop things before it gets to that point. And he might be right. He is a wonderful person and has never done this to his past partners. And I know who I am I am aggravating and downright cruel sometimes. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to keep going on like this
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. I am sorry that you have to deal with type of behavior, no one deserves to be hit or have insults spoken to them, regardless of the amount of trauma a person has been through. It must be exhausting having every little thing you do be picked on and feeling like you cannot do anything right. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for how your boyfriend chooses to behave. Whatever you are feeling right now is normal and valid. While dealing with this relationship might be tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I think my boyfriend raped me but I’m not sure. He would convince me to have sex with him and perform oral sex on him even when I didn’t want to. I would tell him no but eventually I would feel like he would get mad or distant if I didn’t do what he asked. He had anger issues and although he never hit me I was scared it might come to that if I refused to have sex with him. Is this rape?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a difficult and confusing time. Although we are not able to define your experience, we can provide you with our definitions of sexual assault and rape. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. You do not deserve to be pressured into doing anything that you did not want to do, and it is no way your fault. This can be a lot to process, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
My husband back handed me during a heated argument. He said it was an accident. He didn’t mean to. I accepted his apology and came back home mostly for my son’s sake. But now I’m not sure I can live in this type of environment. I’m absolutely horrified to speak to him about it and have no idea what to do now. Do I leave? Do i ask him to leave? Do i stay and try to work through this? We’ve tried counseling a year ago he said it was too expensive and that we didn’t need it.   Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am so sorry that you had to experience that. You did not deserve to be treated that way and you are in no way responsible for how your husband behaves. I cannot imagine how difficult, scary and frustrating being in that situation must have been. It makes sense that you decided to stay out of the consideration of your son. Being in these types of environments is tricky and it is normal to question how you want to navigate your relationship. Whether you decide to stay or leave, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your son. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   
my boyfriend has slapped punched pulled my hair and thrown me before. he wont let me work. i have no family or friends to go to so i’ve stayed in this relationship. he got me a puppy a couple moths back as a i’m sorry shes 6 months now but he recently got me another puppy shes 12 weeks now and when either dog moves he hits them hes chocked them when they did something they where not supposed and then turned on me when i tried to save them. they are both ok now just terrified of him. i try to keep them quite and away from them as much as possible but every so often he does get to them what do i do? how to i leave? how do i save up money? i cant find any resources to help me and them get out and i cant leave them as hes threatened to kill me himself and the dogs multiple times and threatened to have his friends/ family kill us and anyone who helped me get away if he goes to jail. and they will if he lies which i know he will  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are going through a rough time and trying to navigate your way through this situation. It must be exhausting, frustrating, and painful to have to constantly deal with your boyfriend’s behavior. I cannot imagine how scary it must be when he threatens you and your family. You and your dogs do not deserve to be treated this way and it is in no way your fault for how your boyfriend decides to behave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your dogs. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. You are not alone!   
This is a long distance relationship) So my friend has a boyfriend and he just told me that his boyfriend is purposely not answering him to make him worry and they keep fighting and then he hold me the stuff his boyfriend is into and he said he likes gunplay, knife play, has a piss kink, beating kink, and has a r*pe fantasy. His boyfriend didn’t even believe in aftercare and safe words until my friends got him to. I’m trying to get him leave the relationship but he said that he can’t cause his boyfriend will k*ll h*ms*lf and I’m worried and Idk what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like your friend has been going through a lot. I cannot imagine how hurtful and frustrating that must be for their boyfriend to purposefully try to make them worry and threaten to take their own life. It makes sense why you are concerned for your friend and you have every right to be worried. Managing these types of relationships is difficult and it is no way your friend’s fault how their boyfriend is treating them. Although we cannot make decisions for our friends, we can remain supportive and understand that they know their relationship best. We would love to offer you and your friend more support on our 24/7 confidential and anonymous support line at (916) 920-2952. If your friend is concerned that their boyfriend will act on their thoughts of suicide, we recommend that they call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if it is an emergency. 

My old boyfriend is in the military he tried harming himself a couple times the other day and in the process had pushed me and I had to explain that to the cops. The state pressed charges when I said I didn’t want to. He now might be getting dishonorable discharge. How can I prevent this? 

  

I specifically said he didn’t mean to and that it wasn’t assault, I was only worried about his safety for himself. I can’t afford a Lawyer and I’m not sure how to help him fight thisBut since he’s in the military and with everything that has transpired they are looking to send him to prison. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine how stressful this situation must be, especially when you were only trying to keep your boyfriend from harming himself. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to legal advice and information outside of our scope. I understand that your situation pertains to domestic violence, but our services are catered towards helping survivors who are trying to navigate or escape intimate partner violence. 
My now adult son found the video filmed by my ex on the day I escaped and sent it to a youtube and threatened to send it to associates and friends! He wants his stuff from my house and I have no problem getting it to him! What should I do about the threatening email and video!  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine how upsetting and frustrating this must be. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault for how your son decides to behave.  Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” at (916) 728-7210 to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation.

My friend a stay at home mom with 3 young children resides in the state of Washington a no fault state was in an abusive relationship where her and her children was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by an abusive husband. Husband didn’t earn much income to support the family but managed to control the community money. Her parent was affluent. They were kind enough to let them stay at one of their property rent free.  She filed a domestic violence restraining order when he got extremely violent towards her, accusing her having an affair. He threaten to kill her many times throughout the marriage if she cheats on him. He gets extremely jealous and controlling even when a male waiter smiles at her. Small things like that results in big arguments and the husband threaten to kill her if she ever cheated on him on the drive back home with their young children in the car. Make long story short after a long delay due to the pandemic they finally met in court. Despite all the evidence and testimony from the police officer called at the incident that leads to the restraining order, child protective service worker summoned by her husband, and the husband admits hitting the kids. The judge found no signs of sensitivity violence and dismissed the case. The husband and his lawyer assert a claim on her parent’s asset accusing her of hiding assets during the DV hearing. Me and other friends trying to tell her not to give up and try to settle with him. She is clearly dealing with a narcissist that is set to hurt and destroy her at all cost including sacrificing the well being of her children. Especially after gaining the upper hand beating the domestic violence case. What can she do at this point moving forward? How can she defend against frivolous claims he had against her mom’s LLC Just because she was the agent taking care of her family properties they own in America

 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like your friend is going through an extremely hard time. I cannot imagine how frustrating, scary, and anxiety inducing that must have been to have the judge dismiss the case. Your friend and her children do not deserve to be treated that way and I am glad that you are reaching out to be supportive. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we recommend that your friend call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233. They will be able to provide more information on how they can move forward and be able to provide resources better suited for their local area 
My daughter is in an abusive relationship and has been for the last 4 years and they have a child together as she calls me repeatedly screaming crying along with my granddaughter screaming he’s beating my mommy. I have picked her up probably about 10 times bring them back to my house gave her anything she wanted so she wouldn’t go back and she always ends up going back. but it keeps getting worse and worse. I tried so many times to get her away from him and she refused to leave she goes back every time and even though she knows it is not good for her nor my granddaughters . and she knows it’s going to end up really bad she will not stay away from him she’s beautiful but he’s got her so down about herself that she doesn’t even fix herself up up anymore what can I do I am so broken-hearted I don’t know if going and picking her up and bring her back every time is the answer but my heart still broke and I just know a stroke is on the way if this continues I just can’t take it no more and it hurts too bad. The police have been called many times but they will not take him to jail because she keeps going back to him please tell me what I can do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that you have endured and how disheartening it must feel to see your daughter return to her abuser. It can be hard to support those who are experiencing domestic violence and your frustrations are valid. It is normal to become overwhelmed and it makes sense if you need to set boundaries for your own wellbeing. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous

My ex husband keeps calling the police and child services on me for insignificant things. How can I stop this behavior?  

   

I know he can legally call whenever he wants, but I am a professional and I feel like he is trying to ruin my life. It involves different reasons, but mostly invokes my youngest son who is his dad. We have been divorced for a few years and I remarried. He recently called on my two sons fighting. In which the younger boy started. It’s ridiculous 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you are going through this experience. It must be extremely frustrating to have to deal with law enforcement and child services constantly and without warrant. This situation seems complex, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 

Please, i have no where to turn. My husband and i have 2 kids he’s hasn’t been acting himself he’s so hostile and volitile, he abuses me mentally and verbally andPhysically abuses me. theres holes all over this house i have no where to go my dad just died and g he ridiculed my father who just died in front of my kids who dearly loved yheir papa. I’m awreck. He’s also just obtained his contractors licence he has been screaming at me get out of his house i had to leave the house recently because he locked me out then told our smallest child 5 that i was dead and she’s never going to see me again. He’s awful to my 10 year old she’s not biologically his. He said he’s taking my kids because I’m nothing and he has s business i have nothing i asked him is he on steroids he says no, after leaving today i went searching and found all his drugs, needless ect. He needs help idk where to turn please. 

 

I went to my friends house i had to leave i took my kids but i have to go back their home schooled i have nothing. He says what’s wrong with losing some weight. He’s not normal i have to go back home 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time right now. I cannot imagine how exhausting, frightening, and painful it must be to have to constantly deal with that type of behavior. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated that way and it is nobody’s fault for how your husband chooses to act. What you are going through is a lot deal with and it makes sense that you want to leave. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kids. You are the expert on your relationship and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous
My boyfriend was abusing our kitten and I called at him severe time but he wouldn’t stop so I slapped his knee and he hit me. He has hit me on a couple other occasions when he was very mad. What do I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I am sorry that you had to go through this experience and that you had to witness your kitten being abused. That must have been extremely painful and infuriating. You and your kitten do not deserve to be treated that way and are not responsible for your boyfriend’s behavior. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kitten. You are the expert on your relationship and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous

1.Why do I keep on going back to my abuser after he has hit me? Am I scared of him or do I care for him?    

2.I told him I called the cops on him and thought that would scare him away but it did not. He told me he will pay bond out and he will only have a misdemeanor. He says he will hit a cop if he has too. Did I increase my chances of danger?  

3.He has a warrant for his arrest and has not been caught. He does not know he has a warrant for his arrest but I told him I called the cops on him. 

4.He still harassing me and I still go see him and answer him even though I called the cops on him.  

5.He seems to not care about going to jail. If I still see him after he gets out of jail did I increase my chances of being killed?  

6.What would happen if I stay with him even after a restraining order of if he does not care about a restraining order?   

7.He just wants to over power me but will he eventually leave me alone and get more jail time if he keeps on testing the waters? 

Thanking you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you are going through this experience, it seems like it has been a lot to deal with and process. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this situation must be. There are many reasons why someone might go back to their abuser and this is completely normal. It is not okay that you are being harassed and abused. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for your abuser’s actions. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   

Its been almost a year to the day my ex was sentenced. One year into the restrianing order and he started texting.  

  

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It must be frustrating to have to deal with this. We would love to offer your more support on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
So I met this guy a while back and we had sex, and I told him not to climax in me because I wasn’t on birth control and he said he did anyway, what do I do ? I don’t have money for plan b. I said no to climaxing in me and he still did. Can he get in trouble for that ?  Thank for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through this experience. It must have been extremely frustrating and scary that this person did not respect your boundaries, especially when you made those boundaries clear. You did not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. This person can be held accountable for their actions, as it falls into the category of sexual assault. Here at WEAVE, we define sexual assault as not only rape; but also, any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. This can be a lot to process, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line. The support line can be reached at (916) 920-2952 
What is it called when your son gets so upset he put his mother in a chokehold and almost stops her from breathing?  Thank you for reaching out for WEAVE. I am sorry to read that this is happening. No one deserves to be treated this way regardless of how upset the other person feels. I cannot imagine how scary being in this situation must be. To answer your question, this would be considered domestic violence, specifically under family violence. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services for those experiencing intimate partner violence. However, if you are looking for resources or services that help with family violence, we would recommend contacting A Community for Peace’s crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

Can I sue someone for emotional abuse? I reported my X for a strangulation attack. He was given 1 yr probation as long as there was no other domestic abuse – and had to complete a compulsory 8 mo. Domestic abuse program – this was in 2018.  

He recently smashed my laptop – terrorized me in his home – threw my belongings out the front door – refuses to let me dress – poured vodka over my head while saying he ‘could’ smash the bottle over my head before he let me leave — half dressed — and without my purse that he followed me to give it to me before I drove away.  

He apologized & paid for a replacement laptop the next day.  

  

Can I sue him for emotional distress/abuse? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through a rough time. I cannot imagine how scary, exhausting and frustrating it must be to have to deal with that type of behavior. You do not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 
My husband wanted to have sex, I was laying on my side and he reaches around yanking my thigh open. It hurt I screamed. I went to check my thigh crease and it’s red and bleeding. Hes acting like no big deal. It really hurt I cried. Is this abuse? He’s trying to downplay it. Said it’s my fault my thigh was stuck together. It wasn’t both my thighs, it is my crease  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through that experience. I cannot imagine how painful that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We also define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. What happened to you can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you additional support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
Is it legal when my daughter Left her abusive husband to get away with her 4 yr old and 3 mo baby just for him and his mom to file emergency protected order to get there 3 month old daughter took her back to the small town in Texas put down my 4 yr old granddaughter lied said she will harm baby sister just to gain temp custody. Is it legal for the Judge to not hear my daughter evidence . We are having a hard time my daughter hasn’t seen her now 6 mo baby in a month the Judge signed on an order that was written up by his Attorney her attorney didn’t agree he was in the hospital my daughter didn’t agree either. The judge knows her husband family please help  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to hear that your daughter and family are going through this difficult time. It must be extremely hard and devastating for you all to not see the children in 6 months. I cannot imagine how painful and frustrating it must have been for your daughter to leave an abusive situation, only to be treated this way. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 

If I have an abusive husband already have a dv case on him .he left home but everything in his name . But he came back and now Is stressing me and my kids out beating on side trailer want leave what are my rights if I call cops. Help I dont know what to do make him leave 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a hard time. How scary and stressful that must be for you and your kids. It must be frustrating that everything is in your abuser’s name and I cannot imagine how this makes your situation that much harder. You do not deserve to be treated like this and you have every right to want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your kids. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952
My partner kicks me out of the house whenever he loses his temper. He locks me out and denies me caring for our infant. He will let me back in only when I apologize for upsetting him and he feels satisfied I have changed my attitude. He used to be physically abusive, but not since I called the sheriff…I didn’t tell them he was physically abusive. Now, he is very careful about that but still continues to throw me out and hold on to our son. Is this legal? Can he do this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing this. No one deserves to be treated like this and nobody deserves to be denied the ability to provide for their infant. How frustrating that must be to have to change your attitude to not upset your partner, it must feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 
My husband is verbally and financially abusive how do I get out with my kids?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine what you and your children have to go through living in that type of environment. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated like this and you have every right to want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your kids. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 
i just sent you a question and i talked to a friend and my kids will be movig in with my friend  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can only imagine how difficult this decision must have been for you to make. It is incredibly brave of you decide that this is the best option. If you need additional support please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
don’t am a mother who’s has two adult sons that abuse me. Both boys have anger issues the older one is 23 and still living at home . his dad died three years ago and he has been this way for three years. Don’t have meth problems and can not get around to good. The older one is mentaly abusive to me he yells at me and swears at me and has raised his fist at me gets in my face and almost hit me a couple of times. Don’t have not cops here many of time and they cant do anything unless he hits me. He was broken things in anger. The only way to get him out is to file and don’t don’t have the money to do that. The cops say he has a rite to live here . and if he hits me then they will do omething. He has stolen money from me and trashed my house . wont clean up after himself and don’t say annthing he tells me that don’t need to shut up and speak when spoken to and he threatens me. My younger son who is 20 sees this and he two is doing it. He has autism but he knows better . he has pushed me in a chair and kicked it and he has punched me in the back and screams at me seems like the one yells at me and when other gets home from work it is his turn to abuse me. This goes on daily. He too has helped to trash my house and refuse to clean up after himself . tells me my house do it your self . the younger one will come behind me when don’t am at computer and scream in my ear and he will come and push my chair and kick it. They have broken my recliner by kicking and doors have been kicked off and holes in wall the older one does that. Don’t am a fraid of there anger don’t tell them one day they will kill me and not meaning too but cause of anger. The younger one will scream and stop his feet so hard that things fall off the wall. Don’t don’t know what to do. Don’t have called cops and they cant do anything they leave and the kid laugh at me and say your stuck with us. My life is a living hell. Don’t don’t know what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your sons. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. It sounds like you are an incredible mother and you do not deserve to be treated this way. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. We are also sorry to hear that you haven’t had the response you need from law enforcement as your safety is an absolute priority. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. 
I have tried moving out of my single fathers multiple times. Im 21 years old. But once again I find a place to geg away from his emotional abuse on me and manipulation and he threatens me to throw out my stuff when I’m at work. Or the threat that if I say I’m moving he will rakint everything I own including my money and I can earn it back with family love. Im smaller and weaker than him. He gets aggressively violent when i try standing up for myself. Like grabs my arms and throws me down. What should I do? I have no idea how to leave without loosing everything I’ve worked so hard for in college.  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. At the age of 21 you have already been through so much. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. 
My boyfriend’s constantly calling me names like wetback, hoe, fat , ugly, old bitch ex…. He’s 25 and I’m 40… He hits me every day…. I find text messages from other women… Why can’t I let him go… Be honest with me please I need to know what’s wrong with me  Hi, thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear about the way you are being treated. You do not deserve to be treated this way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Abusers often use tactics such as emotional abuse as a way to gain power and control over another intimate partner. Emotional abuse can be things such as putdowns/insults, excessive criticism, blaming, manipulation, and gaslighting. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you in your journey, get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. We have many services that may be of help to you, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Did I make a mistake? My 39 year old daughter has been in one abusive relationship after another. As I was in the past. I got fed up because she came to me two times telling me how bad he treats her then turned on me and blamed me for her relationship problems because I texted and asked her if she was back with her psycho abuser. She told me she was done with me etc. I can’t take her turning on me over and over to defend these men. I told her I was done with her too cause I was tired of her B.S. Now I think I made a mistake and have probably left her more isolated. I am afraid this guy and his psycho mother are going to get her killed. She has blocked me and her 19 year old daughter from her phone. She lets this man totally control her but still accuse her of wanting to be with other guys constantly. He doesn’t want her to work. Doesn’t want her to live with him. Doesn’t want her to go home and take care of her 14 year old son. Wants her over his house where his crazy mother lives with him. I just don’t know what to do anymore.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services. It sounds like there is a lot going on right now. It can be hard to support friends and family who are experiencing domestic violence and it makes sense why you wanted to establish boundaries with your daughter. It is normal to become frustrated and overwhelmed with the situation. I cannot imagine how hurtful it must have been to be blamed for what is happening. Managing an abusive relationship is difficult and scary and it is no way yours or your daughters’ fault for the abuse that has occurred. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We can also offer more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 T 
I have a fat (black and blue lip), and a torn shirt from my boyfriend that i live with. He was high and i get that but i have phsyical bruises and he blames me because i coudnt get the new car radio( I BOUGHT) to connect to bluetooth. He fought with me, threw my phone at me mutiple times then threw a ball in my face (causing a fat black and blue lip), as well as breaking my phone. I thougth it was just a one time thing but hes given me a black eye before. I love him. What can i do to help  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services and sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time and I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your boyfriend. No one deserves to be treated like this and it is no way your fault. Managing a relationship is hard and it makes sense to want to help those that we love. Though we cannot change the actions of others, it is important to think about how to stay safe. You are the expert on your relationship and you get to decide what steps to take. We would love to provide further support on our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
Where do I go to file a grievance about WEAVE services? As a result of the COVID 19 pandemic, WEAVE’s grievance process has been adapted to meet the Sacramento County health directive and any grievance or concern should be submitted via email. You may submit your concerns to info@weaveinc.org. Your email will be forwarded to the appropriate Chief Program Officer who will follow up to speak with you. Please ensure the email is sent from a secure account from which it is safe for a WEAVE employee to respond to.

If two partners are cursing each other, & one partner says go & look at the abusive messages I have send you, since you want to perform rudeness, maybe you will choose to call 911 or commit suicide. 

 

Is that a criminal offense and a chargeable offense? 

Hello, thank you so much for reaching out to us. That is a lot to go through. Unfortunately, that is a question that would require the expertise of a legal advocate. In order to reach our legal department, please reach us at our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 where you will be referred to our legal department. 
Should I attend my son’s wedding even though he verbally attacked me through a text message?  Hi there, thank you so much for reaching out. I’m so sorry this happened to you. However you are feeling right now and wanting to do is justified. No one can blame you for wanting to go or for not wanting to go. You are entitled to attend or not to attend if you don’t want to. I hope that was helpful. I would love to provide you further emotional support on our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 
After fighting my ex-husband in court about false allegations of drug use (which were found to be unsubstantiated), I don’t have the money or inclination to fight him over his latest allegation of assault. He has primary custody of our 14 yo daughter and has gaslighted her into believing I am “guilty” and a bad person. Just yesterday, while at my house during my scheduled visitation she called the police and lied to them saying I was threatening to commit suicide — she doesn’t want to spend time with me anyway. I will not force her to spend time with me b/c I cannot trust her. Here father will support her and back her up. My hands are tied. I have told my daughter that I will not force visitation and that she should reach out to me if/when she wants contact. How should I legally protect myself since our custody agreement states that I have my daughter every other weekend? 

Hello, 

  

It sounds like you are going through a difficult situation and looking for legal advice. You can call the WEAVE legal department to ask about your existing custody agreement. The legal department may be able to give you suggestions or guide you on available solutions. You can access WEAVE legal information here: https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal You can also call the 24 information and support line to speak to an advocate. 

Hi, I am from Ireland & realise laws may differ. Basically myself & my 2 children (then ages 5 & 9) left my Husband with a barring order over 3 years ago, initially he took me to court on numerous amounts in the first year claiming he was unfairly penalised. Social workers were involved children interviewed as there was significant physical violence but I was to scared to go to Garda as they would only come and leave ( too risky), even my own doctor when I decided to leave immediately put her hands up & said mention abuse & she would have to call Authorities immediately. Therefore with the help of the Domestic Violence team, we got out safely ( it was hard & scary). In his court appearances he blamed me, said I was mentally unstable, fabricated that I was on Prescription drugs ( my doctors proved this wrong), the judge ordered a Guardian and Litem and her report concluded that I gain full guardianship of the children, he to attend anger management, psychological review and Parenting classes, then he has supervised access and after a year he was granted access to have the kids every 2nd weekend and periods over their school holidays. As it stands, he cannot come within a 40km radius of us without prior agreement and drop off/pick up points are in the same location where cameras are present. Finally, he has forwarded a reply regarding judicial separation and again he is back to disputing as he did back 3 years ago, do we need to go through this process again, I’m simply looking for a Divorce, sale of house we share a mortage with and move on with our lives 

Hello, 

  

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you and your children have experienced a difficult time. I am really sorry this issue is coming up again. It is a common tactic for abusive partners. First of all, You are correct! Laws are different for each city, county, municipality, state, country, etc. If you are in Sacramento, California, you can call the WEAVE 24 hour information and support line to speak to one of our trained advocates. They can connect you with our legal department. You can take a look at our legal services here: https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal . If you are not in the Sacramento, CA area you can look at your local resources, law library or your local domestic violence agency.

My husband has been to jail before for choking me and punching me in the head. He was put on 5 year probation. He just did this again in front of someone else and they called the cops. He left before they got there and we made the report. It’s been over a few months and I am just wondering how long if ever are the police going to do anything?  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing with us. We are so sorry you’re going through this. We would love to support you but unfortunately, the question you have sounds like it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. In order to reach one of our legal advocates, please contact our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 number where you will be referred to our legal department 
I was in a controlling extremely toxic relationship for almost 6 years, moved mine and my oldest daughter to his home when I was expected our first child together, things became very sour fast as I nocticed a different side in conflict he would kick us out if I didn’t follow his “ veiws” I became verbally abusive to the gaslighting and guilt trips we have a child with asd and he denied she had it in beginning telling it’s in your head , you don’t know ur daughter or yourself. Stuff was easily manipulated on me I’ve given him tons n tons of chances he always wanted our child stay there in his house after I wanted move back home he know has been using court phone calls with child to provoke doing odd things cutting her cut denying it . He wants be look unstable but it’s not case n my daughter who is 4 now is doing great in school, past summer after trying to work together the crazy making /fog I was sick of so I told him stay away I then got papers/afadavit and it appears I try alienated him when he was purposely trying sabotage me his oldest son his mother committed suicide now I’m putting pieces together all I wanted was him acknowledge our child’s autism and follow strict routine for her she comes back haywire from a do what u want life n it makes harder on her n me. I’m worried judge doesn’t see whole part n only sees his fake exterior it’s nightmare  Thank you for contacting WEAVE  with your story. It sounds like there is a lot going on and you could use someone to talk to process what you are going through. You can access our counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays between 11-1pm or Wednesdays between 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. An advocate can also go over the services available to you and additional resources that may be beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for these additional services and/or emotional support 
So I visited my bf at night and he was drinking. My friend joined me so he would not get aggressive, she pretended to be drunk to avoid conflict. When he thought she was asleep he aggressively confronted me about what we were doing that night, next thing i know he has me on the floor choking me. My friend gets up and starts hitting him on his back with car keys and i am able to kick him off. Then his mother comes in and tells my friend to get out. She is waiting outside the house, meanwhile he is holding me by the wrists really hard and I still can not move one of them. I finally gather my things and his mother says I am culpable because I made him bleed with the kick and need to leave her house. I am furious that she stood by and watched the abuse, and join my friend at the door. My friend was yelling at the mom to get her son or do something the whole time. He laughs at us as we walk down the driveway. We key his car on the way to my car. Now he is sending me an estimate of $2000 for the “damage.” He knows my upcoming refund is for my next semester, and wants me to give pay him as soon as I receive it. I am scared he will show up at my house as he has before, and do something to my mom’s property, which has also done before. I feel like my only option is to pay him so I never have to hear from him again. What can I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately this sounds like it falls under a legal question, and unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards however you have options please contact our 24 hour support line to discuss them at (916) 920-2952.

 I’m in a marriage since 1975 I’m 63 yrs old and he used to physically and emotionally abuse. Now older the mental abuse keeps getting worse I was abused by my mom as a kid and he knows how I feel about that she is deceased now but he constantly calls me marilyn which was her name for me this feels awful because to be like her well I could not live with self he knows this. He never hears what I’m actually saying he twists it all around and swears I have a tone at times he dont like and says I said things I did not. He also says I’m on him all the time abusing him tells me I need help. Tells me I’m a user a c word a looser who never accomplished any success which is far from truth as I have succeeded in many things in my life. He tells my I’m sick. Fat I’m not fat either just not skinny. He tells me hair looks good then cuts it down with comments. My daughter 42 yrs old is living here for 2 yrs now we helped her get help for serious drug problems. She literally now repeats things he says but when he isnt around she agrees he is wrong I’m in a very odd situation here if I leave I have nowhere to go but my car to live in I’m disabled now. His moods are like diff at times I never know what’s co.ing next I can have no opinion he tells me to stfu. 

His eyes are scary and empty towards me how can I get out of this without having to leave my home he says I can and I can have my car that’s it. And if I take anything else he will have car turned off so I cant drive it by missing the next payment which isnt very many more. Its christmas but he keeps saying I’m ruining christmas and he will never forgive me I feel like he is crazy. Yet he tells me I am and tells everyone I am. After 6 hours I came home cause I had no money and nowhere to go and gas was low

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of emotional abuse and gas lighting, and I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I want you to know that you are not alone, and it is not uncommon for an abuser to do something like this. If you need anything at all you can reach out to our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for more support. We can provide you with resources you might be needing at this time, or just someone to talk to. 
If I share a child with a man that abuses me. Will I lose custody?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services if you are in Sacramento.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). 

My boyfriend has an anger problem that has only gotten worse throughout our three years of dating. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. He is extremely liked by everybody and nobody knows this happens so I don’t know who I could ever go to. I also recently moved 16 hours away from home with him because he is in the military so it is just us living together. 

  

He has always done really awful things when we have argued – whether that be mocking my face, calling me names, yelling at me, throwing things around me, etc. As far as deescalating the situation, nothing seems to work when he gets like this. I used to argue back but that only made things worse, sometimes I will cry or walk away which doesn’t help either. 

  

I also have a part to play in this. I was in a very toxic, abusive relationship before him which has made me a little paranoid in this relationship. On top of that, my current boyfriend has problems with lying to me. He has lied to me more times than I can count. What happened tonight was I caught him in a lie from weeks ago, and instantly after catching him in this lie he made everything my fault. He started yelling at me, cussing, throwing things around me, getting in my face, following me when I walked away. He told me he hates me, I’m controlling/suffocating, etc. 

  

This is honestly the worst it has ever gotten. I’m not sure what to do- besides the obvious is to leave him but I know I have a role in this too. Can you please give me some advice? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE , we are sorry that you are going through this. We understand how upsetting and confusing this can be and want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to deal with this on your own, especially after moving away from home  where you are removed from your community of support.  Ultimately, it is your choice as to what you decide to do from here on out. I can’t give you advice for that reason, but I can definitely give you some options you can choose from. Counseling is always something we recommend regardless of the choice you decide to make, it can be very useful and helps with processing your current situation, especially since you are far away from home. Another resource you can utilize is calling a support line in your area to utilize any local resource that you might need at this time. If you need assistance with that you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline, they can refer you to any local resource you might need 

800-799-7233- English-    

800-942-6908- Spanish      

 

Or if you are in the Sacramento area you can reach out to our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for more support.  

I am so sorry you are experiencing this with your partner, but I want you to know that you are not alone in this and there are resources out there that can help you during this time.    

My partner whom we were living together has been arrested for felony domestic violence. There are three charges pending in the case. I still am recovering from my injuries (very Lucky and grateful). This intervention and prolonged court dates has me wondering about my partner and if he is facing a serious length of time in jail. His record prior is just DUIs and i feel like I want to visit him in jail but there is a protective order against him that the court has filed. Can I go to see him at visitation? 

Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and recovering from your injuries. If I am understanding your question correctly, you are stating that there is a restraining order against your partner, and you would like to visit him in jail. If this is the case, due to the nature of the situation I would recommend you seek legal counsel before attempting to visit your partner. Here at WEAVE we provide legal services if you are located in the Sacramento area. For more information on how to access our legal services, or if you are not in the Sacramento area and would like assistance in looking for legal counsel, I encourage you to call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. We are always glad to refer you to other resources if we as an agency are not able to help. If you feel like reaching out to someone just for emotional support our Support Line is also available for that as well, or if counseling is something you think you might be interested in  WEAVE offers counseling services for people who are experiencing what you are. You can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate individual counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times: 

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm 

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm 

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm 

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

I am in a emotional abusive relationship with my husband. He is an alcoholic and abuses me drunk or not. I know that I have to leave for my own well being. I am attending group counseling at Weave, but I feel I need more help. 

Though I may not show it but I am very broken inside. Years and years of abuse and keeping everything bottled up is really getting to me. I know I need extra help. Like a 1 on 1 therapy. How do I go about getting this kind of help. My first husband was also very abusive. He used to beat me, rape me and body shame me almost on a daily basis. After 8 years of abusive I ended up in the hospital, then floodgate of help came to me. At that time WEAVE came to my assistance and really helped me. Now I have been married to this guy for 30 years. Though everything was ok for the first 10 years or so then things begin to change. Emotional abuse, body shaming, belittling. Think, no, I know that I have begun to believe him that I cannot live without him. If I leave I will come crawling back to him. Another part of my brain is screaming that this is his way of keeping me in his control, under his thumb. Please help. I want a divorce, but I now know that I need help with my self sabotage before I can think of divorce. Sorry to have written so much. Any advise or help you give me will be very appreciated. 

Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE for support. I am so sorry you have experienced abuse for many years, but I am also proud of you for taking a step forward in a positive direction. Sometimes it is hard to admit that we can have some self sabotaging qualities that won’t allow us to move forward. It sounds like you are already on the right track to looking for extra support from us. WEAVE offers counseling services for people who are experiencing what you are. I will provide you with the information you need to start individual counseling services. you can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate individual counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times: 

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm 

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm 

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm 

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm 

At least twice a month my child’s father/boyfriend beats me up so bad I can hardly breath. He never hits my in the face because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he does to me (he’s never actually said that but I know that’s why.) he pushes my face, holds me on the ground while he repeatedly jumps up and down on my chest so I can’t breath shouting “get off of me” when all I ever do is try so unbelievably hard to get him away from me… pulls my hair out, body slams my on the ground. Calls me every name you can possibly think of. I’m fat, I’m a bitch, I’m a whore, nobody likes me not even our kids. He lets me know daily that it’s my fault my son can’t talk because he has autism, how horrible of a mom I am.. so many other things he does to me… I sit and cry in silence every chance I get because I hate the life I live for me and my kids. Why do I let him do this to me, why can’t I call the cops, why can’t I leave him… I wouldnt even go to the hospital when He hurts me past the point I know that I’m hurt even with my adrenaline, because I don’t want them to ask me what happened.. I’m so stupid and there’s nothing I can think of that will benefit me from leaving, I won’t have a babysitter to go to work, I won’t have money, I won’t have a house… I will have nothing… I can’t tell my friends because I have before and they all told my parents, I don’t want me parents to know because they’ll stop talking to me because I can’t seem to leave him… I guess I don’t need advice or help because I won’t take it… I just wanted to get this off of my chest and tell someone anonymously so no one will know it’s me…  Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this abuse, and thank you for choosing us to disclose something that sounds like you really needed to get off your chest. Here at WEAVE we like to encourage people to make their own choices when it comes to these situations because ultimately you are the expert of your own life. Although you have already made up your mind about not receiving advice or help from anyone, I want to provide you with our 24/7 Support and Information line, which is completely confidential. That means anything you say to the advocate is between you and the advocate only. Our Support and Information number is 916-920-2952. I would also like to put out there that when experiencing domestic violence, you are not the only one affected emotionally and mentally by the situation. Children are really good at reading and evaluating their surroundings, so it might do you well to get counseling services for you and your children to help with processing the situation. Here at WEAVE we offer counseling for families who are experiencing DV, and like I mentioned we don’t encourage our clients to leave their abusers, we just want to be there to support in any way that we can. You can get more information on how to get counseling services by reaching out to us at our Support and Information number as well. I also want to leave you with this link to safety planning, because in the event that the situation gets worse you want to be prepared. https://www.weaveinc.org/post/safety-planning-0. Most importantly I want to remind you that if at any point you feel like your life or your children’s life is in danger you can call 911.
My husband put a lying order protection on me and gave away my personal belongings without my permission I am very upset. What can I sue him on he put order on me becacause he got a gun charge  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. First of all, I’m so sorry you are experiencing something like this. Nobody deserves to get their possessions taken and given away without their permission.  It sounds to me like you are in need of some legal guidance or assistance.  Unfortunately at this time I am not able to answer legal questions, but I can direct you to our 24-hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 to speak to one of our advocates. They will be able to provide you with legal resources and direct you in right direction. 
My daughter, grandchildren and husband live with me. My daughter’s husband pushed her and said she was stupid and incompetent. Also hit her. Can I have charges brought up against him? I am scared it will get worse and he will seriously hurt or kill her and my grandchildren I think will end up getting hurt too  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Ultimately it is up to your daughter whether or not you guys would like law enforcement to be involved due to the fact that doing so can put her at risk if he is as dangerous as you described and there is a possibility of retaliation. Theoretically you could have charges brought up against him if you wish to do so, but I think it is important to do some safety planning beforehand, so in the event that he does retaliate your daughter and her children are safe and away from him. This can include a number of things such as getting a restraining order, or looking for a safehouse. I encourage you to call WEAVE’s 24/7 anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate who would be glad to speak with you and/or offer you additional resources and information. The number is 916-920-2952
My husband and I were in a fight he was yelling in my face and I felt cornered so I slapped him. Following that he took my fingers and twisted I think one is broken. please advise as what this would be qualified as  Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE, If you are asking for what your situation falls under, here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. The definition of an intimate partner can include a spouse, or relative that you either have lived with or have been in a relationship with in the past or currently.  Abuse can take on different forms such as emotional, physical, financial, sexual or spiritual. If this is a pattern or definition you can identify with then what you are experiencing might be domestic violence. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of services, so if you would like more information , please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)

How can I get help before he is released I AM IN FEAR FOR MY LIFE!!!!!!!! He will and he will murder me. When he is released from prison!

Thank you for your reaching out to WEAVe with question. It sounds like you are in crisis and fear for your safety. If you are in immediate danger always call 911. Feel free to call our 24-hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 to speak to one of our advocates. The advocate can speak to you about safety planning and guide you to additional resources.  The sooner you call, the more time you will have to create a safety plan. You can look at safety planning ideas here: https://www.weaveinc.org/sites/main/files/file-attachments/safety_planning_2016_update_for_survivors.pdf?1481230305  You can also call the DA’s office where your abusive partner was convicted and you can ask to speak to one of the DA’s victim advocates. They may be able to help get you information on their conditions of release. If you have relocated and they don’t have your new address, you can make an appointment with an enrolling agency and the Safe At Home program will keep your new address confidential https://www.sos.ca.gov/registries/safe-home/applicants/  If you have a Domestic Violence Restraining order or a Criminal Protective Order in place, make sure to keep the documents with you and report any violations to your local law enforcement agency. You can also tell your work, friends, and family of the release from custody and remind them of the conditions of the restraining order. I am sorry you are going through this. Often times it is difficult for victims/survivors when their partner is close to being released from prison or jail. You are not alone. WEAVE is here to help you when you are ready.

Hello, my boyfriend of two years just told me that he feels if he doesn’t “shut himself down” he would get violent in a way of breaking things but not violent towards me? i just need help understanding what this means.

Hey there, Thank you for reaching out with WEAVE with your question. Although honesty is important in any relationship, the information your partner shared about “being violent and breaking things” sounds alarming. To me, it sounds like there are moments in where he cannot control himself or his actions. Although your partner may not want to hurt you, when someone is not in control of themselves breaking things and being violent around you can cause harm emotionally and sometimes physically (for instance, if he broke something it shattered and its fragments cut you).  When/if this occurs it’s important for you to consider your safety. You can look up ideas for your personal safety plan at  https://www.weaveinc.org/post/safety-planning-0. You can also call our support and information line 24 hours a day at 916-902-2952, if you want to discuss this further, need community resources, or emotional support. If your boyfriend is willing to talk to someone about this, you can refer him to Batterers Intervention Programs that are available across the county. They can help him process his behavior/emotions and create strategies so that he doesn’t have to act out violently. It’s important that you know you don’t deserve any violence around you or toward you. WEAVE is here to help you when you are ready.
My husband knew I started a facebook group message with my friends and family after visiting the state Capitol in support of a vaccine bill to protect children. A friend of mine posted a poem. He viciously attacked her character, called her names and insults. The people in this group message were my whole message list containing my parents, my children, my nieces and nephews and my husbands sisters, mother, his underage girl cousin – he spoke directly to my MIL right after posting a photo of his penis, saying everyone would suffer since he had to read this shit poem.  I had left the group myself and could not see what was on there from the point I asked people to support the vaccine bill. There were two underage children in the group, but left before the photos were posted, but my elderly great aunt who’s husband is a minister saw it, as well as Kayla, who is a sweet school teacher and all of these people, were my precious friends and family. My husband left after this happened, showed zero remorse, and I moved out after forming a shock, that made me lose a job and now have PTSD. He put a tracking device on my phone. His friend threatened to kill me. His family knows but also are giving me the silent treatment. No one has apologised. When I found the tracking device I found he was logged into my phone on a hidden facebook app. I am a nurse so I don’t go on facebook during work hours. He was able to track me this way, I have screenshots of all of this, where he admits everything. He is in and out of jail as an alcoholic and has a pattern of lying in court, manipulation. But he wears a masks and hides his rage. He attacked me before he left me and I was scared to call police. I am now safe away from him but I want to protect others from him. He showed no remorse, even doubling down on his actions and threats to harm my family with genital photos of himself and me. [Edited for content]
 
Thank you so much for reaching out to us for help. It seems like a very difficult situation to be going through and I can tell that you are really concerned about your husband’s actions affecting others in the future. It must have been very frightening for you to see him doing such a thing, and exposing all your loved ones to the situation does not make it easier. It sounds like you could use some additional support from an advocate, so I encourage you to connect with us by calling our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 so we are able to get more clarification and refer you to the proper resources. 
My husband is very educated (Ph D in Nuclear Physics) but has been unable to keep a job. In fact he did not even get a job since 2001. He tried to create a start-up without a lot of ideas on what he is doing and that start-up did not get any traction.He now thinks he is creating a huge cluster of projects and will be a multi billionaire and there is no fact to it. He lives in an imaginary world and verbally abuses me all the time. Now he is threatening to kill me and people if things do not go his way. I am the only earner and he has racked up a huge credit card debt. I am not sure if I can afford to divorce without huge financial impact, but I am scared of physical harm he may do. What are my options. House is in bot of our names, still has a mortgage of $300,000. Cars are paid off. About $55000 of credit card debt working towards reducing, but he tries to rack it up all the time. No kids Hello, and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing this with your spouse, financial abuse is also a form of domestic violence, and nobody deserves to be taken advantage of like this. It sounds to me like you could use litigation assistance. You can access our legal services through our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 if you are residing in the Sacramento County. If you are not in the Sacramento County please call us anyway so we can direct you to the appropriate resources in your area. Thank you for your courage to ask for help. Please remember you are not alone
In the past my boyfriend threatened to wire the house and talked about the people in the bushes. This was right before people started breaking into my home and my computer. This situation has been escalating for years now. I am sure there is spyware on my computer and that people in my neighborhood are participating in ruining this relationship. I would leave here but I have health issues that aren’t being addressed by my doctors which leaves me disabled but undiagnosed and unable to work. Meanwhile I have my boyfriend treating me badly (emotional abuse) and using the neighbors to continue with the abuse. I have actually had to endure my neighbors screaming at my house to get a job, that I am not sick, and that I should kill myself (one of them works for the Coast Guard). My boyfriend has threatened me that this abuse will not stop if I leave him. He has stated that this will continue no matter where I go. How can I possibly get out of this situation and for the police to acknowledge what is missing from my home? Can you get a restraining order against an entertainment company and an entire neighborhood? I just want all of this to stop so I can at least have a chance at getting healthy [edited for length  Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE. I’m really sorry to hear that you are suffering from this abuse at the hands of someone you love. You don’t deserve that and you deserve to feel safe at all times, especially in your home. You can call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 and an advocate can provide you with legal referrals that may help you and provide you with the information you need. If you are also interested in counseling services to help with processing your situation we also offer counseling services as well, just ask for more information when you reach our Support and Information line. Wishing you the best of luck
Was married 20 yrs to a cheater, I left for a break with kids. He didn’t want me back within a week found another. An attorney felt sorry for me, I have MS. In desperation I found another husband he is 100x worse MAJOR BELITTLING ETC. Sober now, better. QUES I cant get alimony from 1st h back, I can’t live on disability with 2 teenagers, I have zero fam support, Multiple Sclerosis for 32 yrs. Child support will end in 2 yrs that leaves me disabled 2 teenagers with 800 a month to live on?? Minus health insurance. I guess when people ask y women stay with MS and 2 kids this is y. I’m NOT in danger of physical abuse, neither r any children. Trapped mental verbal abuse yes. I only wanted advice. I don’t have girlfriends either? Are there healthy resources available?  Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry for everything you have been experiencing, it sounds like an overwhelming situation from which you could probably use some counseling to process what you are going through. If you are interested, Weave does offer an intimate partner violence support group that covers a range of topics pertaining to domestic violence as well as individual counseling services. To get started you would need to attend a free triage assessment Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you have any questions or need further assistance please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952 so we can get more specific as to what other resources you might need.

The man I was with for 11 years . 3 years ago we broke up and during our break up I asked her if he wanted to have sex it started out consensual then got ugly . he was saying I’m going to hurt you like you ! then he got off me watched me cry and he said that’s what you get ..was this rape ? We are now separated but this was a root of our break up years later because I held this in and got back with this monster [Edited for content]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. It is your story and your decision to tell your fiance. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. 
So long story, hopefully short, we have been together 15 yrs, she has started doing some illegal things that risked everything including my job and freedom. I couldn’t let it go, that was my breaking point in the relationship, so I asked her to break up and be friends. She didn’t think the same and made threats that one of us wouldnt walk out of the house, that she was going to claw my face off, and that even though I want out, that’s just too bad. We aren’t breaking up, and I don’t have a choice. The last part really hurt me, as I think we all have the choice. I have already made plans to go to work, and then just go to my folks home and stay with them without giving her the chance to object. Thanks and hope that anyone who is going through the same makes it. We have a choice.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
Me and my boyfriend have been together for six years. And have been thru so many ups and downs in such a short amount of time. We lost our first daughter at 39 weeks due to the cord being around her neck. It sent me into a very deep depression for years. My boyfriend wasn’t sure what to do so he was distant. He would try sometimes but didn’t know how to help me. So we became angry with each other not knowing how to fix it. Like an idiot I decided to leave him because I was fed up and I began dating someone else. I realized that I was an idiot and that isn’t what I wanted. I wanted my family. He asked for me back but could never get over the fact of what I did and one night he had been drinking and so had . We started grabbing at each other and he got thrown in jail for second degree domestic V. We’re both idiots! All of this had made us open up our eyes and realize how stupid could we be? We thought life was rough… but we just made it ten times harder ok ourselves. And our children. How can I fix this? I was mad and pressed charges and that’s not what I want! But at this point I don’t have a choice. Help me please what can I do?  Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE. This sound like a difficult time for you and your partner, and I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing regret and confusion over this matter. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so that we can assess the situation further and refer you to the appropriate resource. I’m glad you found a way to connect to us and hope we can be of further assistance when you’re able to connect.   
I left my ex partner of 13 years as hes severely jealous and paranoid since that I’ve had months of verbal abuse threats turning up to the house smashing my car up which has happened twice. I’m still getting threats hes going to do things to me my home we have two children together. He was issued a restraining order not to contact me or attend my address social services said he cant see children until hes been assessed he is now on the run from police has 3 warrants out for him but still persists in making threats police cant find him not sure what to do  Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you to worry about the safety of yourself and your children. WEAVE offers an array of services which includes emergency shelter, legal help and counseling that is available to victims of domestic violence. If you need any more information on our safe house, please call our 24/7 support and information line (916) 920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) so they can refer you to local safehouse shelters in your area. 
Hi me & my ex husband just divorced & I was staying at my house & he was staying at his mom’s he would allway say it was not liveable but still stayed there well one day he came to the house & I was just scared of him & we were outside couse he put locks on the fence & could not go in so as he came buy I pick up a brick becouse I was scared of him so his fried recorded it & now he call cops that I was gonna hit him with it so now it’s family violance he put on me so it happen my address & now what if he come by what ! Scared I might to jail. Please help what should I do I caint be 200 feet from him or go to resedents that he has now I want to go back to my house but scared he might call cops don’t know where to go! Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 
My husband is in the military and we live on a military installation. This isn’t the first time he’s been physically violent towards me, but it is the 1st time I reported it because I just had a baby and…I don’t know. Something came over me and I finally decided to call. Yesterday I called the MPs because we had gotten into an argument and he started yelling at me while holding our 2 month old daughter. They showed up, handcuffed him and took him into custody. Then 10 minutes later after the medical team was done assessing me, they handcuffed me and took me into the station. I had a neighbor watch my daughter.
Earlier that day my husband had threatened to shoot me with his gun, so in the middle of me trying to get my daughter, I noticed that he had one of his hunting / pocket knives in his pocket. It was folded up. I grabbed it out of his pocket so he wouldn’t be able to use it. After he took our daughter upstairs, I hid the knife underneath the dog bed. At the time I had no intention of calling the authorities and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen but I didn’t want him to have access to that knife again so that’s why I hid it. I never opened it up, but while I was on the phone with the dispatcher, he kept yelling in the background that I had pulled a knife on him. So I think that’s why I was taken into custody. But like I said, I never opened it up. I just grabbed it from his pocket so that he couldn’t use it on me.
I was able to go home a few hours later but I was charged with Domestic Violence and child endagerment and I have to go to court a pay fees. I don’t understand why.  I was a nanny and a Sunday School teacher for years and now I’m worried that this will be on my permanent record and I won’t be able to work with children in the future and I’m scared that my daughter could be taken from me. I’m not sure why as the victim I’m getting punished. It made me feel like I made a mistake for reporting it. I don’t know what to do. [Edited for length and content]
Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. This sounds like it may be under military jurisdiction and contacting the law enforcement on base may be an option. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal services– 916.920.2952.
I was verbally abused/ name-called and threatened (once) by my partner (male). The first blow up happened after he had a nervous breakdown 2 months ago and the last fight was a few days ago. I took it seriously as my father is a wife-beater and I know some of the red flags. I confronted my partner about the name-calling and asked him to not do it, but he said that if I “don’t want the screaming and the profanity”, I should “watch myself in the future” (verbatim). That “if I can’t guarantee it, he can’t either”. And “if he repeats it, I’ll only have myself to blame”. I don’t know if this will escalate or I should do something to salvage what is left. I speak with my friends but I would prefer to have real guidance. Thank you. [Edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
I have been hiding from my abusive husband for over 10 years. I want to divorce him but don’t want him to find me. I can’t afford anything but want his name off mine. We married in SC, I have been recovering and live in Ky. Please help me with my therapy and close this terrific unfinished nightmare. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
Why am I not allowed a contradictory though or opinion. I have a drink and. It makes me mouthy and oppionated, I know I say horrible things but it is from keeping everything inside. Drink makes me brave. He has just been violent and hurt me. Bruises already showing. He said sorry but it was my fault because I said he was a control freak. Life on my own scares me. I suffer with depression and know it has made our relationship hard. I feel it is all my fault and that is what he tells me. Am I totally mad or a complete psycho. He really hurt me physically. I scared and he says it my fault……is it. Am I the bad guy??? I just need to talk this through and see if he is right and it is my fault Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).

How to deal with emotional abuse when you have no one to turn to, it’s like power and control and that’s what he has and he has me where he wants me.but I want to make it clear to him that I’m nobody’s property Im not a child I can do whatever I want basically how to get him to realize that u have had enough?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I have an eviction on my record due to leaving an abusive situation. Can weave help me get the eviction off my record so I can leave an alternate living place?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to make sure you get the support you need in this area. We are so sorry that you have not been getting the response you need from law enforcement with this matter. We may have some resources that may be of help to you with this situation, such as legal eviction support. Please call  our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss this situation further and we will connect you to the appropriate resources. 

I want out of a relationship and because I don’t want to be with him he wants to take my daughter from me and make it a huge fight. What should I do? It not a physical domestic violence its more of a mental.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I slapped my boyfriend first because he was in my face yelling(CPTSD) . He grabbed me by the shirt and threw me across the room. I hit my head(I’ve had 3 brain surgeries) and I’ve now started having seizures again(I got a TBI due to a different domestic violence incident years ago). I don’t know how to feel because I hit him first. What do you think?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

Help. My boyfriend is harrassing me and he’s high on Meth he called the police 24 times and my landlord said no more police so I have” by called but they did not arrest him even though he’s abused me before and broke my foot.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services and Safehouse program, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I suffered in an abusive relationship for for almost 20 years. I am now out of that relationship and have found an amazing spouse and we have a beautiful daughter. I had thought that that part of my life was over. Recently my abuser contacted me. It has spread a debilitating fear through my life and I feel like I am spiraling out of control. I do not have insurance and can’t afford therapy so I feel like I am just trying to keep my head above water while floating closer and closer to a cliff. I just don’t know how to get my real life back. How do I stop reliving all of the trauma? How do I stop being triggered?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so happy to hear you are no longer in an abusive relationship and you are now a survivor. Trauma can last for a long time or even when you are in a new romantic relationship and it can be hard to navigate if you don’t have the right tools and support. One of those tools can be counseling, did you receive counseling after you left your abusive ex? If you did or not, it’s never too late to start counseling services again.  Here at WEAVE we offer counseling services to survivors of domestic violence, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about our counseling services.

I over heard my co-worker talking about hurting there adopted daughter. I see the little girl with bruses, and hear her crying many many nights. I am scared that something might happen to this girl and don’t want it to be on my conscious for not speaking out for her. I am in fear for this girl’s life

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. You might want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your coworker’s adopted child, their number is 916-875-5437. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I was married to a police officer for 15 years I am physically damaged and now physically disabled I left him and ran for my life with my only child and took relocation from the Florida Attorney General’s office they gave me $1,500 to relocate and start my life over I was bloodied everything in my apartment was broken and was always swept under the rug cuz it was that good old boy police thing I am so damaged it’s now 2019 we divorced in 2004 after he used judges that he knew and that his sister was their assistant to steal my daughter from North Carolina where I already won custody I couldn’t afford a lawyer so I was my own lawyer while his parents had several lawyers in both States hired for him in North Carolina I did get a court-appointed lawyer that was awesome that’s why I won custody his first visitation he took my daughter basically kidnapped her no one helped me it’s 2019 I now have seizures because I guess if the choking out here he always went for my throat it’s done some type of damage to a blood vessel in the right side of my brain I suffer in pain everyday I have been diagnosed with PTSD from several different psychiatrist in doctors throughout Florida North Carolina he continues to victimize me today. In 2004 he won custody in our divorce he lost his criminal justice certification in the State of Florida for a positive cocaine test I was denied any evidence or Witnesses I’m not a lawyer they that Court and the judges I was told by a judge after having injuries and Witnesses I have no idea who they were they called the police for me signed statements they arrested him it was another another city I’m suffering more than I probably did I’ve never been able to let my voice be heard and he’s never been punished the judge didn’t even give me half of his penchant he was trying to get alimony from me I had a great career he’s destroyed my life and I want to know if his Police Department that he worked for which is obviously no longer police officer and can I sue the county the court system is in I can’t seem to get my life back together again I I’ve tried everything I have a business plan in the future and it’s a wonderful plan and it’s a way I can earn a living and also give to this cause and a charitable way and educate Law Enforcement Officers by telling my story and educating them on what to look for I need someone to help me I need punishment I need something I feel like I’m getting all the punishment for marrying and I’m sticking it out of them as I did I’ve never been able to close it he still get at me through my daughter my daughter he’s got my daughter hating my guts I can’t have a relationship with her she’s dangerous for me too and she put her hands on me. I’m lost this is taking my every waking moment of my life I I need to feel better I want my voice heard the judges were so rude to me and honestly I want to write a book and say hear my voice. They told me I was poor them stump they refuse to let me leave the state of Florida so I lost my job in North Carolina did nothing but punished because I married a very abusive man what can I do to get my voice hurt and what are my rights to punish him whether it be a civil suit a federal lawsuit I’ll go after County Court Police Department I don’t care what can I do?? I need this I can’t get past this I can literally lost everyone in my life oh and all the witnesses were all threatened by my ex-husband and his dad if they testified they would make sure they lost their jobs I mean I heard everything wouldn’t I just ask them just tell the court the truth is what you see no sorry and they didn’t mean sorry I was like a hot potato when I knocked at the door they weren’t friends they didn’t care if my daughter was safe now my daughter it’s a monster just just like her dad I’m sorry it’s such an open-ended question but just tell me what I can do our laws haven’t gone very far and I’m curious I feel like someone is tied my hands my feet gagged me it has taken me over I can’t heal until I can get this done. Thank you. [Edited for length and content]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

What if a woman is taken to jail for domestic violence and her husband let them take pictures of wounds that had been there due to his work. But he told police that his wife did it. What if the one claiming to be abused is in fact the abuser. What if one judge through the case out and then she sat in jail for 4 days without any charges. Finding out they were trying to keep her there because the following Monday the state was going to enhance the charge to a felony. She is just about at the end of her rope. He wants her to be in jail. He has done this at least 15 times. She just wont learn from the past. I guess she thinks she deserves this. Or it’s happened so much that it become the normal to her. What’s are the chances that the abuser can make the cops believe his spouse is the one abusing. What kind of judical system puts an abused woman in jail when she was telling the cops she didnt do anything to him. Wow! Wake up people our court system need to be checked on big time if she has to go to jail over something she didn’t do. Her husband is a big fat LIAR. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help in this situation. We can only imagine how upsetting and horrible it must be to witness this happening to someone you care about and we appreciate you being an amazing advocate for your friend. It is incredibly common for abusers to use the law enforcement and the legal system to further abuse and slander their victims, which is devastating and unfair, but it is something we are constantly trying to increase awareness surrounding and take action against. We do have Legal services we feel could be helpful to her in this situation, including legal advocates and attorneys. If she would like to connect with a legal advocate about her situation, please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where confidential advocates can provide connection to further services and resources. We are here to help. 

Should I report rape/aggravated sexual assault that occurred 10 years ago to the police, if I know the perpetrator and their whereabouts? It was in the context of an abusive relationship. From 2009-2016, I lived out-of-state to avoid the perp. I moved back home in 2016, and have since married and had a child. I’ve also since started therapy, but my therapist is supportive regardless. Was hoping to get the opinion of others – perhaps those who have experienced something similar. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that and we are here to support you in any way we can. We understand you are struggling with deciding whether you should report the sexual assault you experienced in the past from a past abusive partner. We can imagine how complex that is to process, and most likely incredibly triggering. We are so glad to hear that you are in a very different place, and have a supportive counselor. We understand that you are writing to get an opinion on what action you should take in pressing charges. As an agency, we heavily believe and follow empowerment-based practices directly affirming the survivor being the expert of the situation. In that sense, it is not our role to tell you what is best for you, only to help guide and support you with services and resources you feel would be best for you in your situation. Only you can truly know that. We would be happy to refer you to our legal team if you are wanting support in that manner. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My boyfriend of 6 years , who I live with in his house, told me he wanted me out. I found a good job close to where I’d be living. Gave a 2 week notice at current job near boyfriend’s house. Went there and he said sorry I want u to stay. 3 weeks later I quit good job cause over 500 miles a week on my vehicle, and staying with boyfriend so continued working at original job near boyfriend’s house. Well I’m now unemployed do to job near boyfriend is seasonal. Been there for 6 years. Cant find work near home, and now he kicked me out again. I’m so mad. I had a good job that I quit, due to being so far from boyfriend and now he wants me out again. This is the 5th time he wants me out. This is abuse right?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today, we are so sorry you are going through this and we are here to help support you in any way that we can. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you are needing further support in this area or want to connected to services and resources don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 3 years… we knew each other back in elementary and middle school to high school. I have always wanted to be with him and he me. But in high school he quit school and we both moved on with other people. Never seen him again till 3 years ago.. in school he was so quiet and shy . But since living with him for 3 years. He sure has become a devil but only when he drinks alot. Which is everyday. I left him a few times and he kept texting and calling begging for another chance. And said he stop drinking he did for a few weeks. He has pushed me down broke my tail bone so bad. Wouldn’t take me to the hospital. I drove myself. He has pulled my hair out and kicked me in my ribs. He keeps telling me I cheated on him but I haven’t and can’t as much as I love him. When they point the finger at u. Isn’t it the one pointing the finger at is usually doing the cheating,???? Please tell me what I should do. I love him I do. He has a kid that’s 18 and never has anything to do with her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding what is occurring within your relationship, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can imagine that it is incredibly scary and hard to sit back and evaluate your relationship and what is occurring/how you are being treated versus your feelings for your boyfriend. We want you to know that you are not to blame in this relationship, there is nothing you have done or can ever do to deserve being abused. Violence has no place in a healthy relationship. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, sexual orientation, or economic status.Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We understand that you are looking for support in what to do in your relationship, however you, as the survivor, are the expert of your situation and only you know what is best for you and your family. Our role is to help support you and connect you to services and resources that you feel would be best for you in your situation. However, it may be beneficial for you to consider utilizing our Counseling services, for it may help you to be in a safe space where you can process with other survivors. If you would like to learn more, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  

My husband and I have been married for 3 years we have a 7 year old from his previous marriage and then now have a 15 month old. Since I found out I was pregnant this may be about 3 mths into the pregnancy he started telling me how to spend money even though I work and then gets on to me about spending here and there for a drink or snack. He now wants me to get two weeks work of food at work then also I found out recently he got 3 more credit card besides the only 2 that I thought he only had. Keeps saying he will put my name on them so I can have one but never does now he has like 5 or 6 credit cards and a loan that didn’t tell me about or discuss with me. Also when he feels that his daughter is being slighted over her baby brother my son, he threatens that he will send me to my mothers and insist that he will get him a week and I will get him a week. No discussions nothing about that but I am tired of being threatened over and over of him divorcing me. Also he is verbally abusive if I don’t do the things that he feels is right about our son and then he will apologize later for the tone of voice but not what he is stating. I don’t know what to do anymore I am not happy with him anymore and I know from experience that it is emotional and verbal abuse. I don’t think he will ever hit me but I just don’t like how he is especially when it comes to our son and my step daughter who is 7 by the way.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your current situation, we can understand that this is incredibly stressful and upsetting and we want to do everything we can to support you. We hear you in that you don’t want to be in this situation anymore, and are describing a lot of abusive and unhealthy actions within this relationship. We want you to know that you are not alone, and while it is not our role to tell you what is best for you in your situation, we are here to support you and connect you to services and resources that you feel would be helpful to you in this situation. If you would like to learn more about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My ex invited me to a party tonight. I went and we got in a fight. I went to his room to talk and he wouldn’t let me leave and was shoving me really hard and blocking the door. When I finally got out he followed me to my car. He shoved his body against mine and squished me up against my car to the point that it hurt my back. I was yelling for help and he was cussing at me. When I got my car door open he shoved me inside and slammed my door. Is this domestic violence? Can he get in trouble for it?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced this and we want you to know that you are not alone. WEAVE define’s domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We can imagine that hearing this definition in comparison to what you experienced might be upsetting, and we want you to know that we are here to support you in any way we can. If you would like to talk further with an advocate about your experiences, get connected to WEAVE services such as Counseling, or get community resources, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My boyfriend lately has been getting aggressive. I could ask him something and he will cuss me out scream and spit in my face. He cornered me and I was afraid he was going to hit me again (he only hit me once before but I was still scared) and I panicked and slapped him across his face I was terrified. The moment I did I saw so much hate, anger, and rage in his face and his eyes and he immediately picked me up by my arms pinned to my sides and slammed me onto the floor spitting cussing in my face threatening me and got off shoving me “apologizing”. My shoulder is in terrible pain and I am so afraid bcuz I live with him. What do I do please help me ? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.  It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Hi I have a question if someone may help me my older brother who’s turning 30 on September 30 beat me last night where I have cuts bruises he threw me into the kitchen wall & made me slip when the kitchen floor was wet from cleaning it then he takes me outside punches me throws me into a metal table outside may someone give me advice on how it can stop I don’t deserve this plus hes very violent @ work to hes got into plenty of pyschical fights with people he works with he doesn’t stop he just keeps going & going & going he comes home take it out on everyone in the house hold Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471.  A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
What should I do I have bruises fry boyfriend I also go smacked with a broom and Everytime I try to leave he rips my clothes and even breaks my phone and then after everything that happens he wants to cuddle and have sex and when I say no he throws a fit and hits me saying I push him away. I’m really starting to hate him if I don’t leave I’m going to end up in jail but I’m a prisoner in my own house Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother is 30 years old. I, his sister am 21. And my whole life he and I have clashed. He has this dominance problem. Hes constantly threatening me when I dont do what he wants, constantly we fight over our animals. When I was 16 he got in my face when we were arguing (I cant help but shout when I argue with him, I have controlled my anger and shouting with all others, but with him, not being willing to listen or compromise and continuing to say hurtful things I cant help it) (i just want to hirt him) i slapped him when he got in my face and he tried to choke me (but I’m decent at defending myself) so he pulled my hair and shoved me to the floor, my father split the fight before he could hurt me further. This continues to happen over the years. Today he keeps he threatened to get rid of my cat, I don’t know what he means by that, hes abused my cat before. I tried to keep my cool and not shout at him but I guess he didnt like that I could defend myself and continued to get in my face and put his finger in my face and say hirt full things so eventually I started shouting and I slapped him and he tried to choke me but I punched him off then he put me in a choke hold and my other brother had to pull him off me and hold him down to get him to stop. What do I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
I and 3 children were issued a DV no contact order by the state of WA after husband/father was charged with assault and malicious mischief. My husband was ordered to not come within 200 feet of my house and order to no make contact with me or the kids. My husband filed a divorce had the initial hearing rescheduled and served me improperly at wrong address ,the rescheduled hearing date. The commissioner then ordered me to move out of the home so he could move in and also put restraints on my parenting time allowing husband full care if our children. Was that legal? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
My boyfriend got mad at me for no reason and slammed the brakes and I got throwin in the dash and hit my faces and he said it was an accident should I be worried?

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

my husband and I have been in many altercations in our 21 years of marriage. My two daughters have seen some of it. it mostly happens when we have drank too much. this last incident i got a very big black eye. my oldest daughter ( 19) heard the fighting and left the house. i didn’t see her very much the next few days after. when she finally saw what my face looked like she asked me if He had did it. I lied of course because I didn’t want her to be mad at him. i realize now that was wrong. she told me that because of this stuff happening through out her life she has trauma and flash backs. and that she hates it when we drink. So I told her i have decided to stop drinking, and that i was very sorry for being selfish and not taking her feelings into consideration. with that she is happy. but she also said that she didn’t care what happened, she could not respect her self if a man did that to her and he stayed in the house. i don’t know if she said this out of anger. or if she has lost respect because i want him to stay and work things out. i told him about how she felt and now he is mad at her and she is mad at him. they will not talk to each other. I feel like I have messed every thing up. I don’t want to lose either of them. i feel like if they could just give each other time, we could get to a real good place. and be a happy family. I want that. I want that for them. should I leave things be for now and see have everyone is after adjusting to sobriety? What is the next step? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
My sister is 8 months pregnant, her husband hates our family so he has blocked our numbers and social media accounts. She has to find alternate ways of contacting us. He is constantly verbally abusing her, and all she does is cry and doesn’t sleep. She is hopeful things will get better once the baby is born, she is afraid of leaving him. I am very worried about her and the baby. She forgives him over and over after everything because she’s hopeful. I really want her to see that him being controlling and mistreating her isn’t going away when the baby is born but instead it will get worse. How do I get her to get help? I want her to know she deserves better and she should leave him? He said made threats such as “you’re lucky that baby is in your or else…” he has kicked her out a few times also. My family and i go days without hearing from her and we get worried because she is very vulnerable and pregnant. We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a brother to witness the abuse your sister is enduring. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options as well as potentially a welfare check. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your sister.
My son 15 6.1 250 lbs is verbally abusive and physically to me , his mom sister. I just try to protect my self only block some others get thru, We have tried all you is support services. We are at the max devices in our insurance and city , county services. Gone so far as to get home services. It works for a few days. And back to the same thing. Many Police calls. Is a vicious circle. Child protection services also involved. Every time we the police and CPS. Come they want to know if we hurt him. Also lies that we hurt him. Once they interview my wife and me they clear us .It is unbelievable frustrating as there is no reason for any of this. Authorities are making our lives miserable as well as our son. Note. I do love my son and want to help him out of this nightmare of him and mainly ours Can anyone please help or advice Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. We understand you are scared of retaliation if you contact law enforcement, but you might need to if he continues to threaten you and harass you. However, if you do choose to report it to law enforcement they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report it. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Another possible helpful resource can be the CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200 for your son if he is in need of speaking to an advocate.
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and forced to have children with the guy and he’d commonly make me miscarry if he got angry. I’m now with a new wonderful partner and we were trying for a child. I miscarried a few times which was triggering of my past but finally I got pregnant and successfully gave birth. Now that the baby is here I am finding it hard to connect with the child. I was forced to give my others with my abuser up for adoption and now that I have this beautiful new baby I look at him and just feel sad. I don’t know why but I feel like I can’t connect and keep thinking this child looks exactly like my abusive ex. I know that the baby is probably just looking more like my other kids as it takes after me but I keep looking down and getting slightly panicky. I’m in a really great relationship and completely safe and loved. I just don’t know why I can’t love and connect with this child like I so desperately want to. I really love this child and want so badly to connect but it just doesn’t feel like it’s there when all I can see is my ex when I look at his face. Is this common in survivors? I’m really hoping I’m not alone. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Some individuals may also experience an influx of feelings after pregnancy, which, if you’re comfortable, should be discussed with your primary care doctor. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
I just reported my husband for domestic violence. We have been in incidents in the past were we both have been guilty of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. He continues to physically abuse me so I contacted the authorities. Now hes threatening to bring up our past to bring me down with him. Can I go to jail too? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My intuition is telling me to leave my relationship, but for some reason I am scared and doubting myself. We have been together for less than 2 years and we moved in together 6 months into the relationship. At the time there were some things I didn’t like such as him not respecting boundaries or what I would say I needed,  I cared for him and I was willing to take the chance and see if we could get our act together. I’ve lived with him for over a year now and we’ve had explosive fights that are basically 1 step below putting hands on each other and full of toxic behaviors and name calling.  I don’t feel respected or supported.  I just felt it was cruel or sadistic what he was trying to do. Meanwhile like not really showing any empathy, but an insincere sounding “I’m sorry your leg is hurt”.  It’s not 100 % bad, but I feel as if he is either a narcissist or insecure and does things for attention or a manipulator. I am just wondering if you can offer any advise on my situation. I am confused because one moment he will say I’m and angel, but if I challenge him or speak to him a way he doesn’t like then I’m the devil and a basically evil person who doesn’t care about him or the relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read this. [Edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Can you help find housing for someone who is extremely ill and is having to deal with Domestic violence daily in various forms. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Me and my boyfriend were together for 4 1/2 years. Although we talked about marriage and how I was ready for engagement, I knew in my heart he wasn’t ready for engagement due to financial debt. Throughout the course of the relationship, we would argue but would always smoke or drink and then come back together to talk about our problems. We have lived together for 1 year so it made it convenient to talk about our problems while “self-medicating”. Recently, we made the change to quit smoking and ever since then, I feel like he has been on edge. I would make small comments that he is quick to snap or easily annoyed or have to walk on eggshells some days so he isn’t moody. Throughout the 4 1/2 years, we never have gone a day without speaking so he was shocked I was kicking him out. He got very angry and was yelling, calling me names and ripped up our picture I had just purchased as well as knocked over the tv in the bedroom. I told him he needed to leave the laptop I paid and replaced and he got in my face yelling I would need to fight him like a man. I have never seen him this angry and told him he needed to go to anger management. Despite all of this happening, I still love him and do want to be with him only if he goes to counseling. Throughout the relationship, I have never seen him act like this and it has shocked me and my family. I know the right thing to do is to leave but I feel like I am losing my best friend and partner. Our first year of dating he took LSD and is trying to claim that his mind is rewiring and he is working to control his anger. I just don’t know if he is using this as an excuse/manipulation. He has agreed to counseling and is respecting my wishes to not be in contact with me until I fully heal and claims he will do whatever it takes to win my forgiveness back. I really don’t want the relationship to be over because I love him but also do not want to be blindly stupid. [Edited for length and content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with his emotional health, so he doesn’t continue his violent behavior. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Okay… so my lil girls father went to prison April of last year for aggravated domestic violence against me… we have went to majority of time without speaking until 2 or 3 months ago and he got in contact with me via a cellphone.. we were getting along.. and he was wanting his family back and I fell into it mostly..but still continued to tell him I couldnt live with him again and we would just have to see bcuz I dont trust him… I like the idea of him changing but I know he never will … so ofcourse when he doesnt get his way then now I’m a bad mother and he called me threatening me saying I was talking about him bad and he will make my life a living hell and etc.. should I contact someone and tell them he has been threatening… should I even feel guilty if I do.. idk.. I get so wrapped up in trying to still please him from what they call trauma bonding… i have been in therapy for a while and i cant seem to break this cycle idk what to do.. and I’m scared he will try to take my daughter or get visitations … Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence.The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My roommate and son in law threatens me galore. Escorts me for things an has got to the point of braking a tv my tv with a bat cause she said this is you and broke it with a bat I have pictures

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

Ok, so I was just wrestling with my dad you know playing around, were a rough family. And this happens all the time I have just gotten used to it over the years, but eventually he will go too far and he will end up hurting me, I persist to tell him to stop but he doesn’t so I do anything I can I hit him, I kick and yell, but it gets to the point where he thinks I go too far. He then hits me back only much harder and I seriously need this too stop because it’s becoming too much so what can I do. And I love my dad I don’t want anything to happen too him he’s a real stand up great guy, but the problem is when we start wrestling. I don’t want to call anything or do anything like that I just need you guys to tell me what to do. I’m not completely sure what this is I just need some help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
How do I overcome my fear of being seen naked? My ex consistently calls me fat and ugly and unloveable and undesirable whenever he’s pissed at me. I know he’s just saying those things to hurt me and get under my skin, which I hoped would help keep that from happening but instead I can’t take my clothes off to be intimate with any partner now..how do I cope with this? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother in law is a supervisor for division of family services in my area. He witnessed my husband abusing me and did nothing to help. This was a couple of years ago. Is there anything I can do now?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

Hello, I have been reaching out for help for years and not getting anywhere due to a medical condition. I have been in an abusive relationship for over a decade that caused major heart attacks a few years ago at thirty one. He started screaming at me following these inducing other events when I begged him to call an ambulance. He has been emotionally abusive and is constantly threatening me causing several minor strokes. He has been threatening to have me discredited and declare me incompetent if I even speak up about what he has done, and his Mother worked for decades in the medical records department of the insurance plan I have and is not an honest person. He has also had several family members who worked at Stanford medical and the care has been noticeably horrible. His grandmother was put on a Stanford estrogen study decades ago during a time when medical professionals were well aware that causes strokes in people and ended up a paraplegic due to that on a feeding tube with people talking about how they hated her at her funeral. I feel like I’m headed in the same direction if I don’t get help, and have been reaching out to civil rights organizations for years no to no avail. I have to leave this situation, but have lost everything because of him, have had zero income in 2019 and have no other option or support system and it isn’t safe for me to do so. These human rights issues are very severe and he has forced myself and my sons into a 900 square foot apartment, and has manipulated my children successfully. He has been hurting them to hurt me every time I try to parent, but putting me in a bad situation.I hate conflict and my heart can’t take it and what he has gotten away with is equivalent to terrorism. Is there any justice for women out there? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services if you are in Sacramento.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
My dad is been baker acted twice diagnosed some dementia mostly hallucinations paranoia. It’s been baker acted twice. My mother is 80 years old and he is 84. It is become stressful and fearful for my mother. When we call the cops we call the cops he answers all the questions correctly. They say Baker acting and then they just send him home again. If you don’t let any of the family in the house as he thinks we all want to move in and we don’t have homes of our own. He has taken at night and told my mother do you hear that do you hear that she’s also made her get on the floor he thought the mafia was after her. He has all robots and went in one of the neighbors. These are just some scenarios. This is been a year and a half now .Recently he came in at 2 o’clock in the morning saying it was at the pump dump and had a knife in his hand. At 3 o’clock my mother got short of breath and the next day was taking him to the hospital with a fib it took a week but they got her heart back balanced. The psychiatrist there said he needed to be removed from the home or don’t go back as we told him what was going on. A lot of this is because of the stress she’s been under because of him. Or she would end up back in the hospital. This is where it gets complicated. They were married for 11 years separated for or divorced for 26 and then been together after my brother passed for 25 living as if they were married sharing a house both are on the trailer their names and bank account they just never got the piece of paper. There’s no retirement there’s nothing but your Social Security checks . So when the cops were called my mother got home from the hospital the cops came daddy didn’t believe that she was in the hospital as we try to bring him food and check on him and he just cost us and tell us she went in the hospital so when she arrived we had to call a cop to get my mother in which had had a bath had any of her clothes cause he wouldn’t let us in the house. The cop said you know they get old they believe what they believe in you can’t do anything about it and that one of them needed to leave so my poor mother of seen mind that just left the hospital was removed from her home with no clothes except a little bag. She forgot her shoes on the table he locked the door wouldn’t let her back in the cop just said goodbye another pair at the Goodwill or at the dollar tree. My mother was treated as if she was just piece of white trash. She has made that home paid all the bills make sure everything ran accordingly and there’s concerns of coarse of my dad living on his own he has no transportation is no way to buy food and now my mothers out of the home he won’t except help from any of the family and he thinks he can do all this on his own. She needs to be back in her home though as girls can take care of her until we figure this out. I’ve been contacted a couple of attorneys care patrol golf coast law that deals with elderly care I was told and I’m getting nowhere I’m going to try social services but unless somebody has guardianship or power of attorney without his consent or proving incompetence or he hurts my mother we can’t get him play in placement. Please help we are lost and we need some type of direction to follow. He stresses her out he cussed her out he accuses her of sleeping around the trailer park mother can’t even get up out of the chair she got a bad leg let alone go around the trailer park just goes on anon. And now he’s been getting knifes out to purchase it it’s it’s almost like she feels threatened. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this with your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210. You might also be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916-874-9377. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471

 
This may sound like a dumb question. I was really angry about a comment made and yelled “Don’t ever say that to me again!” He smirked. I know what I do is wrong but I went to the kitchen started slamming things into the dishwasher and banging pots around. He came in and said stop banging I said “LEAVE ME ALONE” he then came at me grabbing my arms pushed me against the fridge and I fell down. After that I was face down on the floor and he got on my back held me down had a hold of my arms like a scissor hold pulling. I was screaming at the top of my lungs for him to get off over and over. after a couple of mins he did. It was hurting and now I have a bruised elbow and finger print bruises on the other arm. I screamed at him again “Don’t you ever put your hands on me!” He said “you were out of control banging those pots and I didn’t do anything wrong by trying to calm you down” Of course I didn’t report but I’m confused is the abuse? I rarely swear because I hate it, but 4 letters is all he knows. He kept SCREAMING the F-word the whole time saving “F-ing calm down, F-you” I would have been calm if he would have gotten off me and it wasn’t hurting.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 


 
My husband is mean to the children, and extremely cruel to me. Hes curses at us and instigates fights. He flings plates of food if myself or the children questions him. He threatens to quit his job and refuses to go into his job at any given time. He punches holes in the walls and doors. He them isolates himself in a bedroom for days and will say not a word to anyone, only bark demands. Like ” i need cigarettes”. He refuses to leave and says things like ” you want me to leave, make it happen, do something”. He calls our sons ” princess” or ” candy a**”. He calls me whore and threaten me. He has hit and hurt me in the past. My children are NEVER physically hurt. I think hes evil sometimes. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your children, their number is 916.875.5437. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My daughter has been sexually assaulted by her ex boyfriend and physically abused, so badly she miscarried a set of twins. The crimes have been reported to court mandators, as well as the police, nothing is being done about it, I am in the statue of limitations, what can I do now? These crimes were committed in Jacksonville FL. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your daughter is experiencing. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. Since  you live outside of Sacramento County, to find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.
I’m a single mom of a five year old we live with my friend of mine ive known for almost 4 years been living with him for a year he amazing with my son but not so nice to me where if I put things in the wrong place or don’t do them correctly I get name called he will sometimes call me a bad mom, I’m stupid, retard recently I spent too much of my money where I’m now a little behind on rent where now he’s taken my bank card, ent card also part of it goes towards my car he help with part of it which I’ve been paying him back on means limited when I can use my car too so he’s going to keep an close on my bank account, ebt when it gets loaded back up again and mileage til I get caught back up and bad enough I get screwed over by almost every job i have I’ve been through i was in a scary traumatizing abusive relationship for 4 years was lucky i got away from it alive and came back home to my family it’s like never ending Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Who is the abuser? History of violent episodes (one a year x 10 years would be fair estimate…frequently revolving around alcohol abuse). whlie laying in bed verbal argument escalates until she screams in his face, he face palms her and she flies off of bed. she gets up, livid and swinging. he delfects by kicking her, resulting in fall to floor (and nightstand). she gets up swinging and cursing, he responds by pinning her to the bed- until shes gasping for breath and promising to be a good girl if he just stops. he eventually lets up, she leaves, then returns, intending to smash his face with flat screen…instead throwing it down. no other notable controlling, demeaning abusive aspects…..fights just escalate to violence (both with history of trauma) Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My friend’s step father (who’s a Marine btw) beats him and says if my friend calls the police then he’ll falsely accuse him of molesting one of his daughters. He asked me to promise him I won’t do anything but I want to help. He’s tried to call the police but it didn’t work He tried to get a job that would pay him enough to move out but his father (who’s friends with his boss) got him fired He can’t move in with me or any of his relationship partners (he’s poly) Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.

My husband has been calling me terrible names, degrading me in front of people, intimidating me, scaring me, on a daily basis for years now. I know I should leave him but I feel so weak to do anything about my situation. I used to be a very strong woman an RN for 25 years but after working 25 years I had some medical problems and had to leave it and I was since I did he has been so abusive. Controlling to the point where I’m not even allowed to talk to anybody and his family and barely anyone in my family. It’s crazy that I let somebody do this to me for so long but it’s weird how it’s very insidious and becomes worse and worse over time at least with me. Now it’s daily basis of abuse. My question is about I don’t have any money. I only have my house that we have paid for together and we both own. It’s not quite paid off but a lot of it is. My question is how do I get him with no money on my own to, I want to file for divorce and make him sell the house is there any options in Fort Lauderdale Florida for help financially with Filing for divorce and having him made to sell the house because I won’t be able to be in the house once he knows I’m filing for divorce in other words it Has to be him selling the house because if I tell him I can’t live in the same house because it would be unbearable even more. So I’m trying to see if there’s any help to file for divorce and make him sell the house that doesn’t cost a lot because I don’t have any money right now and also the logistics of how does it work? if I’m not in the house and I have to go stay with someone Who lives in the same state but very far away, like what is the process I guess is what I’m saying what is the process please and how long does it usually take and do I have to be going to court around my house to do something like that?. I know I was an RN for many years but I did not work with adults and you would think I would know these questions and would be stronger but I’m not at this time because I’ve been beat down for so long. Thank you so much

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
My boyfriend keeps pulling threads on my clothes and scratching my car. Why Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We understand why this situation is very stressful for you. We would like to encourage you to practice setting some boundaries because this will lead to a healthier understanding of yourself and your relationship. Boundaries can be hard, but they are absolutely necessary. If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance at longevity. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
My girlfriend is coming over tomorrow and she won’t let him call me a cunt or a bitch or anything else my house I helped him get a job then he was supposed to leave but now he’s abusing me. ..I’ve begged him to leave but he won’t I don’t know what to do so I called my girlfriend to help me I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me!! He has a drinking problem and it’s getting worse his anger is exalting I’m getting very nervous every day it’s more and more extreme I’m scared for my safety and my boys…  Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship, you do not deserve to be treated this way. We are grateful that you have a friend who is there to support you and help you. If you are fearful for your safety, it is paramount that you contact law enforcement. Having law enforcement reports can create a paper trail of your domestic violence experiences that may be helpful in possible future legal matters. Our agency has many services that may be helpful to you with your domestic violence situation. To learn more about these services and speak to a crisis counselor about your situation, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Is it possible to begin the process of reaching out for help via email, rather than over the phone or in-person? I live in Sacramento and am hopeful to reach out for support with what feels like a situation of something like domestic violence. However, I cannot easily leave my home and I’m afraid that he’s tracking my phone calls. Is there a way to possibly connect with someone, initially, through an email address?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. If you want to connect with support via email you can initiate contact at info@weaveinc.org. You can also go to our business office location to receive in-person support at 1900 K Street if that is a safe option for you. If you are concerned that he is tracking your phone calls, here are some safety tips that may be helpful for your situation. Frequently clear your browser history, as well as turn off your locations by going into your phone, location, and turning them off. Frequently changing passwords (email, phone, social media accounts) can also be helpful. Don’t hesitate to email for support. 

I’m very mentally broken I feel. I’m dating a man who’s 18 years older than me and though its seldom physical violence, everyone years its constant mental abuse, gas lighting, passive aggressive behavior, and without telling me not to do something , has some how isolated me from the world.i use to know… Is it ok to still maybe get help or counseling from somewhere? I’ve become financially and in all ways codependent on him. He wouldnt chase me if I left he’d just let me go.. but I dont know where to go. Am I just being pathetic and weave and other programs are for serious real abuse..or is mental abuse a real issue as well? We physically fight sometimes but its rare..and he never actually yells or raises his voice at me..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today. We want to start by saying that you are not alone, and we are here for you. Everything you are describing experiencing are very serious forms of abuse, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. While physical abuse is a very serious form of abuse, what you are experience is equally as serious and valid and you deserve support. Our agency is always here to support you, regardless of where you are at in this situation, we recognize how complex Domestic Violence is and we are not here to judge you. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to learn more about our services or just to talk to a crisis counselor. We are here for you. 
 
After many years of abuse I left my husband and went to a shelter. To prove I’m not lying, or trying to take money etc….
My friend and advocates say that he can easily get custody of our four year old daughter, by saying I abandoned her. Surely that can’t be true in the United States. I’m only trying to show the judge that I’m a reasonable and fair woman who needs a divorce. There’s currently no order of any kind relating to the child or divorce. Should I take my daughter with me
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and can only imagine how upsetting it must be. It sounds like you are dealing with deciding whether or not you should take your daughter with you when you leave your abuser. We are sorry you are struggling with that difficult decision. If you are a resident of Sacramento County and are planning on leaving your abuser and taking your child with you but do not have a formal custody agreement, you can do something called a “Good Cause Notification” which would essentially alert the district attorney that you have reason to believe it is not safe to leave your child in the care of a certain parent. To learn more about this and get referred to further Legal support with your situation please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Not very long ago my boyfriend and his older brother got into an argument. His older brother had him cornered in the kitchen, screaming in his face, my boyfriend pushed him away so he could get some space only after yelling multiple times to get out of his face. After that, his older brother ended up telling him to leave, and as my boyfriend was leaving he was obviously upset and yelling, his brother followed him outside and his brother proceeded to throw him on the ground, kick him, and when my boyfriend had come inside to grab some of his things, he had a roll of large trashbags thrown at him by his older brother. He was then told to leave a second time, so as he was his brother ended up following him again, where he pushed him into the tree outside, and he was even beating on my boyfriends head (he was trying to defend his head with his hands), and even ended up making his hand swell and we thought he’d broken it.
After my boyfriend had finally gotten in his car and left, I was left at the house with tears streaming down my face as I packed our belongings as we were told we were no longer welcome here. When the police arrived, I had no idea, his brother walked into the room and told me that the cops were here and would probably want to talk to me, he told me he already told them what happened, due to the shock I didn’t write the most detailed report. After my boyfriend returned, he was then arrested on the spot, no questions asked for him, no Maranda rights, and was taken immediately to the jail. I and a couple of mutual friends of my boyfriend and I went down and bonded him out but still holds that time in the jail on his record.
Now my boyfriend is facing charges from the state as being the aggressor, the neighbor had called it in, and faces fines and even jail time and has no attorney so has to be his own. So my question is, what can we do to get these charges dropped?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471.


 
I am disabled and have been waiting on SSI for a few years now. Because of this, I have no money or resources left of my own, and my parents now take care of everything for me. My step-dad is an alcoholic with a history of violence. He has called my mom and I nasty names, threatened us, and broken things in the house when he’s angry. He has essentially held us hostage using money when he doesn’t get his way, because he knows his finances are going toward important things like our health care. Anytime money is a problem, my medical treatment is one of the first things on the table to be potentially cut. I spent all the time living with them on-edge, always ready to make an exit or try to see who I can crash with when he’s flying into a rage or just vaguely screaming about something. My mom has always made excuses for him like, “he’s only this way when he drinks” or “he’s sorry about what he did and is going to change this time” and said that assistance programs don’t actually help with these sorts of situations anyway, so it’s best to just wait it out and someday he’ll finally stop or just die. I attempted suicide because I couldn’t stand to imagine being forced to live with it any longer. In trying to escape that environment, I was driven into the arms of a few different guy “friends” who wanted to give me a place to stay because they were just so nice, until they were not-so nice and it was pay in sexual favors or leave, because apparently that’s what happens when you don’t have rent money. In other situations with friends, I could only stay for as long as my parents wanted to pay for my rent, and then they would make me come back. I have been out for about a year now, and they are making me come back again, because they don’t want to pay the rent. I have never lived independently of my parents or of some romantic partner who shares some of the same toxic patterns as my parents. I have my own share of trauma-related issues and I don’t want to have to go back, but I have never explored options because I was always told they don’t really exist, especially if I’m not able bodied enough to handle a transient lifestyle. I am usually at home, so not having a home, or not having a safe one, is a really big deal. I want out of this cycle but I feel completely powerless to stop it. Is there any way for me to get out? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 

Im from canada alberta and i have lived in a hotel for 3 weeks and paid daily..my husband and i got in a fight which caused the cops to be called and we both got taken to lovk up.. i went back to the hotel the next day and they had my car towed and impounded, they kept all my belongings and his and said i had to pay 800 dollars for damages done to room which was blood on mattress and carpet. They never charged me damage deposit or asked for visa..i paid cash daily. Is this legal for them to do this ?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make is according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  We recommend you reaching out to a local Domestic Violence agency in your County for assistance or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
Can my spouse be arrested for slapping my face if I filed a police report (a black eye came on that afternoon as a result of the slap)the day after the incident ? It occurred two weeks ago but a detective called to say he was presenting to a judge an arrest warrant We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.
My situation is difficult. I have a boyfriend and there have been past domestic violence issues. He just finished 8 months in jail that was done two years ago. Since then we have been working on our relationship. Our problem is communicatig. He comes from a family that does not know how to communicate. Worse yet we lice with his mother. Who is extremely nosy and follows us around the house. We’ve caught her outside our bedroom door listening we have caught bee following us down the road in walks. She instigated arguments
When I tell him. We can’t afford something he asks her and she gives it to him. So this is the current situation. My son who is 20 moved back in with us, with his girlfriend and their 5 month old baby. They needed help to get back on the their feet. Then after two months his son who was just released from jail an zlost his job due to heroin use shows up with some girl that we had originally banned from coming here ever again andy boyfriend allowed bee back in the house. I told him no way in hell. He said he is not going kick hhs kid out and that me a s my kid can leavs.
So given the situation does having them here endangwr us. They are in and out all hours of the night and she lost her kids to cps a long time ago. Also due to the past domestics. I suffer from of course massive debilitating anxiety and horrible panic. I have no worked in almost ten years. I babe no family (none) to call. We lice way out of City limits and a. Bus only comes by a few times a week. So what should j dk. J am scared to death for my son and I am also beyond stuck.
At night I cry and wish my mom were still alive to help me and I have tried to mask it. But everything inside of me is saying he won’t change. And I told him that having them here is endangering us and he said that the only danger is from. Me. So his girlfriend and. Baby I guess are moving back home with her dad. And I am still going to be here. What should I do.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
Hello my name is x I has been in a classic “ GASLIGHTING relationship “ I knew I wasn’t imagining these things! And a Physically Abusive relation, were pretty much every month my arms were marked up, that I truly lost vount of the times, The DA dropped two felonies to ONE Misdemeanor! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?? No wonder Women don’t bother with filing or reporting!! And the sad thing the DA was a female herself! I hope I will heal emotionally from these horrific events in my life, My body feels so sore and my heart is broke. This was a case from 7/5/19 in Sacramento County 2 Felonious to one misdemeanor and guess what he did the night he was released snuck in my tural driveway with lights off at 11 pm at night to get his car moving it without lights so spooky! Thanks for not helping me and making me feel safe DA , but I must say the Sheriffs wete great!! They spotted a abuser right off the bat!!! Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

i live with my mother and she overdoses on her medication every month and fall down and hurts her self and calls the cops and says that i hurt her she takes blood thinners and she bruise very easy so the cops take me to jail she call the ambulance on her self and says she took to many pills and fell down when im not there she is 67 years old and takes too many pill at once what can i do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting  this situation must  be for you.  Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behavior where an intimate partner or a member of a family uses intimidation, threats or actual violence in order to maintain power and control within the family relationship.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual,  spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It sounds like your mother may be needing assistance with her medication.  Have you considered accompanying with your mother to her future doctor appointments.  This will give you the opportunity to speak with and inform her doctor with what is transpiring at home.  The doctor should be able to explain to you what the medications are for and the side effects that come with the medications.  You can also brainstorm with your doctor and  come up with a plan to better monitor your mother’s medication.  Maybe an assistance from the clinic can monitor her medication or maybe the doctor can disperse medication weekly.  These are just options that can be considered to help your mother.  WEAVE also offers counseling if you feel that will help you to make future choices or if you need emotional support.  If you need more information or need emotional support please call our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952, 

My abusive ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend I just finally stood up to and said goodbye, but I’m scared he will. He has a sealed record for assault on someone and carries both a CCL and a gun plus I know he has old pictures of me and messages of mine that I do have a reasonable expectation of privacy regarding by law. I stayed friends with him after we broke up though I never realized how he was abusing me, and it got worse when I met someone. After I got married to that someone else, it worsened even more. Again I was oblivious to all of this, but I’m not now. Sometimes he would force himself on me sexually prior to our break up and he did physically assault me at least once that I can remember that wasn’t sexual in nature. What do I do? There are laws against spreading things with a reasonable expectation of privacy and against what some could be deemed non-consensual imagery. I’ve issued him a warning not to contact myself or my loved ones nor dare to harm or attempt to harm any of us in any manner otherwise I will pursue legal justice. Do I wait and him potentially wreak havoc on my life? Also how do I get out of this depression it’s spurred and how do I stop trying to find things through way of viewing social media and more? I’m absolutely devastated right now along with angry and scared. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want him back in my life. How do I stop fearing, ensure we’re protected, and truly move on from this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. Nobody deserves to go through what you have, and continue, to go through but we want you to know you are not alone and you have support here. It definitely sounds like you have a grasp on the legal aspects to your situation and just need some further guidance. We have an amazing team of Legal advocates and attorneys who could provide you further support for your situation if that is what you want. It is completely your choice whether or not you would like to take legal action, it is your right. If that is something you want and your case is through Sacramento County please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, safe number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern. They will return your call within a few business days. In regards to your feelings of depression, anger, these are all incredibly normal and part of the healing process. Healing is unfortunately not a linear journey, it twists and turns and one day you can be ten steps forwards and the next five steps back. Have you ever considered Counseling services to help process some of the trauma from what has occurred in the past relationship and its continued violence? Our agency offers Counseling services that could be of great help to you throughout this process. If you would like to learn more about our Counseling or any services we provide please call our 24/7 Support and Information number at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
,I was reading a message from my mom’s boyfriend, who don’t like me, that if ever I was back to our country. I would hire someone to kill me. Where does this situation fall ? If i need to file a lawsuit We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707.
My husband was taken to jail after I called the cops. His anger was getting the best of him and he is becoming violent. He’s such a sweet kind hearted person it’s so hard for me to think he did that to be mean. I feel like he cant control himself. I love him to death and want to be with him. Is he going to be mad that I called the cops on him? Does he hate me now? Will he or does he still love me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. If you decide to stay with him you may want to speak to him about it to make sure it never happens again and possibly encourage him to seek counseling. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Hello, I am a 16 year old girl and my abusive ex-boyfriend raped me about a year ago and recorded sex without permission. I did not report it back then because I was being brainwashed by my abuser. I have now been able to separate from him and seek therapy and begin recovery. It makes me feel awful that he’s getting away with this however I’m afraid to contact the police. Advice? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we want to say that we are so sorry that this happened to you, and we want you to know that we believe you. You are not alone, and we are here to help you. We understand that you are feeling anxious regarding reporting this, and we would love to provide you some support surrounding that. We have Legal advocates who may be able to talk to you about what all your options are in regards to reporting and what exactly that would look like. Regardless, we would like to provide you further support and connection to resources, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I’m white and he is black. He’s constantly putting me down and shaming me …[edited for content] My family loves him though; around everyone else he turns on the charm and becomes this loving, suave, super-attentive bf that can do no wrong. Lately he’s been finding it amusing to grab me by the arm and refuse to let go, knowing I won’t pull away for risk of leaving visible bruises. This, he says, is part of what makes white girls ‘fun’. ‘Can’t fight back because that’s racist.’ I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to report him and expose him to the brutality of the justice system. I don’t want to become one of ‘those’ white girls leveraging our tears to hurt MoC; at the same time I’m afraid it will get worse. Help? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. We want you to know that you are not alone, we believe you, and we are here to help you. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Regardless of someone’s race or ethnicity, violence has no place in any relationship and what you are experiencing is not okay. There is no excuse, you do not deserve this treatment. We have many services that could be of help to you in this situation, including Legal services, Counseling, Emergency Shelter, and many more. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have two adult sons that are using drugs in my home punching holes in my walls just destroying my home throwing objects at me one son moved his girlfriend in and she is on drugs as well the police won’t do anything I’ve called them three times what can I do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to make sure you get the support you need in this area. We are so sorry that you have not been getting the response you need from law enforcement with this matter. We may have some resources that may be of help to you with this situation, such as legal eviction support. Please call  our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss this situation further and we will connect you to the appropriate resources. 

I have been married to my husband for 11 years. I am currently pregnant with our 5th child together. In the past, he has been rough with me on a few occasions in anger. He would grab me usually, and once (the first time) held me down and pressed my face sideways telling me to stop saying the things I was saying. I was so scared on that occasion as he had never been rough before. But also told myself, well he did not hit me or actually hurt me. It was a long time before he lashed out physically again. Last last year I found out he got someone else pregnant and they now have a baby. I decided after some time if trying to make it work that I wanted a divorce. I have been telling him I want to divorce amicably and every time he resisted, and has been showing remorse, trying to show a lot of kind gestures towards me. However, a few days ago when we were discussing again that I want a divorce, he became enraged after I started speaking angrily towards him. He attacked me in my recliner I was sitting in, grabbing me and pinning me painfully into the chair… At this point I am wondering if this is real. This man has been a good husband. I said what he wanted me to say to stop him from hurting me further. I cried and prayed after he let me up. He calmed down and told me I made him do it and should not have hit him in his face. He also me chilling words, now I see that he is serious about not losing me, and now I see what he would do if I try to leave. Am I paranoid to take that as a threat to my life? I have considered making a plan to leave, but I am terrified that he would fulfill his threat and hurt me badly or kill me if he found me. Just hours later he was embracing me and whispering how much he loves me, needs me, and will do anything to keep me.

I want to leave but I know my children will be so sad if I took them away from our home and away from their father. I don’t want to hurt them. So I am also considering just staying and making sure I don’t ever lash out at him with angry words as that seems to trigger him. For the most part we have been able to have tough conversations without any kind of fear of violence. So this change over the last few years has been a shock.

I just need some advice. He is a good person and I feel he is in some kind of crisis as he inches towards age 50. I feel perhaps he fears losing me and felt the only thing to stop me would be to scare me like this. However, I don’t love him anymore and I do feel truly scared. I do care about him but I don’t want to underestimate him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns.  Domestic Violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior where an intimate partner uses intimidation, threats or actual violence in order to maintain power and control in their relationship.  Domestic Violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behavior that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.  We are sorry that you are going through this within your relationship and we also commend you for your strength and courage for reaching out to us today. No one should be treated the way your husband has been treating you. You have every right to feel how you feel, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call the police.  Law enforcement an be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and keep you and your children safe.  Regardless of where you are at in this process, We are here for you. WEAVE offers counseling if that is something that will interest you at this time.  You can meet with a counselor individually and they also provide group counseling where you can meet other people who are going through the same situation that you are going through. Once again we are sorry that you are going through this with your relationship.  If you feel that you need to talk to someone, you can always call the support line at (916) 920-2952

Is there a place for men to go who have been in abusive domestic violence you guys plan places for women to go is there a place for a man to go in that situation

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, your question is very important to us.  You are not alone in asking this question.  WEAVE offers an array of services which includes emergency shelter, legal help and counseling that is available to people of all genders. If you need any more information, please call our 24/7 support and information line (916) 920-2952.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. We live together. Three years into our relationship things got rocky, mostly over other woman he had been having secret relationships with and was caught. The last time was November of 2018, and I don’t know if I can trust he has changed. He is very emotionally abusive, and in all reality the textbook definition of narcissistic. But in between, our relationship has good points. And I love him with all of my heart but just lost on what to do. I am emotionally damaged from these past two years and I know I should probably seek help from a professional. The scars will never go away it feels. There is no talking to him, if I try to talk, I am arguing. If I cry, I am being dramatic. If I’m hurting, I need to get over the past and stop dragging it on. What do I do ? He has a past with beating on his ex girlfriend as I have learned six months ago (wish I would have known that sooner) I don’t know if change is possible, or if this is a temporary illusion he is trying to set off. Anyone who’s been in a serious domestic violence case knows it’s not as simple as just leaving, it’s really hard. I need guidance. [Edited for length and content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I’m not sure what kind of situation I’m in but I feel stuck. Only married a couple of year and have a 9 month old (too smart and big for her age) but recently my husband keeps starting arguments even ones we’ve fully discussed but he pushes and pushes to the point that I start yelling and defending myself and trying to make my voice and what I have to say herd but when it escalates he pulls out his camera and records it in my face saying “you should see yourself, do you know how you’re reacting, you need help”.after already argued for 20 minutes. Even after I tell him to leave or go away or I try to walk away or close the door to the room with my kid or sit quietly, he’ll push it open and contining the argument and record me to the point being hysterical. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my child with him but I don’t know how to get out of the argument and out of the camera. And now I feel like I can’t leave cause he has videos of me yelling in front of our little one to use against me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
My daughter is being abused by her boyfriend and the police doesn’t want to help what can i do as a mother trying to protect her child before something bad happens? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your daughter is experiencing this and we can only imagine how hard it must for you to stand by and bear witness, as her mother. We commend you for your strength and courage in reaching out today, you daughter is so lucky to have you as her advocate. We would love to talk to your daughter about her situation and see what support we may be able to provide her since we have many services designed to help people in situations like hers. Please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and ask her to call us as soon as she is able to, and we will do everything we can to help her. 
my boyfriend doesn’t communicate well. We’ve been together for two years and are 21 years old. For the most part, the relationship is good. Except for when he’s; Mad, Sad, Depressed or in a funk. He has a mood disorder, anxiety, and depression and is on medication for all of it. When we argue, he often shuts his phone off or puts it on airplane mode, or even keeps it on but will purposely decline my calls and ignore my messages. This can go on for more than 12 hours. Longest it’s gone on is almost 30 hours, and when he decides to finally talk to me he acts as if there’s nothing wrong. As if nothing happened, and he didn’t do anything. When people ask him what happens between us he tells them nothing we’re fine, meanwhile i’m calling friends hysterical crying because he hasn’t talked to me in HOURS. He makes me come off as crazy towards everyone all the time. I’m at my wits end here. I’ve tolerated his lack of communication, light physical issues, and extreme mental abuse. I love him very very much and I know he can be a better person, but if this has been pretty consistent for the past 2 years i’m losing hope. I’ve tried to seek couples therapy with him and he says that’s a waste of time & money, and his parents drill it into him that it’s only for married couples. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting it is. Relationships are hard work, and the key to healthy, successful relationships, are trust and communication. It sounds like there are a lot of consistent issues when it comes to communication within your relationship. We understand that there are incredibly real and true feelings of love, and love is so important but perhaps it could be helpful to take a step back, and evaluate whether or not this relationship is not only the healthiest, best options for both of you, and if you both want/need the same things from a relationship. Just because there is love doesn’t mean it is the right thing for both of you. You both deserve to be happy in your relationship. Please know you are not alone and we are here to support you. If you want to discuss this further with a crisis counselor call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have been dealing with my bf for 4 years it has gotten worse everyday he will call me fat and say im nothing but a fat a** b***** and that he hates me and he hopes i die we have a daughter together and he still don’t care after he says those mean things i have said but your the one that dont have a job i have a job and i can keep mine and i said at least i can pass a weed test and he will get mad and punch me or push me up against the wall i will have bruises all over me all he does is talk crap about me idk what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you in your journey, get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. Nobody deserves violence, violence has no place in a healthy relationship. We have many services that may be of help to you, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Is a gaslight relationship the same as fb

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic utilized by an abuser to make you question your sanity/reality. It is normally done slowly, and builds up over time, like brainwashing. It can be done through the telling of blatant lies, denial, alienation, and many other ways. It is another form of abuse. If you need further support and would like to discuss this with a crisis counselor, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
My husband body shames me every single day. Today he walked in as I was eating a chip. He flew off the handle. He said he can’t wait to divorce me. Called me fat. Said I look like a line backer. Said I was disgusting, ugly and fat. He made a disgusted face while looking at me, shook his head and said, “of all the beautiful, fit women, how did he get stuck with me”. He said I disgust him and he is so disappointed in who I have become. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you in your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. It is not okay for you to be treated that way, you do not deserve this, and it is not normal or healthy to be talked to like that. We are relieved to hear that you recognize this behavior as “body shaming”, because none of what he says is true. What you are describing is not only body shaming but also a form of emotional abuse. We are so sorry, again, that you are experiencing this within your relationship. But we want you to know that you are not alone. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor and get connected to services, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

my abuser is in prison for the third time. this time he beat me in the head and i have serious damage and i leave next month to cleveland clinic for more testing. he began emailing me from the prison and hasnt even been charged for any of the other violations he did, i am at a lose here and my town wont help my family and he only got 18 month. he blamed his drugs on me so i got indicted at 36 for my first felony or drug charge and i need serious help or this man will kill me. who do i contact for serious help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. This sounds like a very serious situation, and we have many services such as Legal, Safe Shelter, Counseling, and more that may be of help to you. Our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, and we help people who are experiencing Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking situations. If you are located in Sacramento and needing help with your situation, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can get you connected to services and resources. However if you are located outside of Sacramento, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) . 
My ex slammed me against my car several times one night and keyed my car, i left home that night because i did not want to deal with the cops or him in that situation because i was hysterical and having panic attacks, he called me as i was leaving and threatened to go to my family and my job, if i tell him to never come to my house ever again and he does, can the police do anything about it? i feel unsafe around him. We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
My husband had a court order to do a domestic violence testing in the state of idaho. The person who does the test his lawer none has the info on the test he is supposed to do. Now what happens he cant go vack to court until the testing is done Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
Can you refer me to a divorce attorney who specializes in divorcing a narcissist? I have been emotionally abused for decades. I am a smart strong woman but he has told lies that have destroyed my relationships with my kids and is incapable of being rationale. It should be an easy divorce but I know he will make it a nightmare. I need someone who will be a strong advocate but not invite him to do more damage. Please let me know. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
I got married Feb 20th to a man who I thought was charming, intelligent and very untuned to me. He’s an ex crack head and Alcoholic. He’s been married 4 times prior to me and has a line of bad relationships. Well, he has anger issues and he was a womanizer. Well, we went to elementary school together so I thought, I know him I’ll give him a try and we started dating in 2017…. things went pretty quickly. Well, he cheated on me 10 days after he moved in with me with the girl he was seeing before me. Oh, and he was living with another woman when we started dating, but he told me that he was staying there with her and her boyfriend who was his friend. Well, long story short, when I voice my feelings he takes that on 10 and it typically leads to him chocking me and pushing me and screaming and hollering at me. Well, he’s back in jail for it again (2nd time) and he had a case in ATL with his ex wife too. My question: since he was still on probation with my case, and now it’s happened again with me and he’s been arrested, will he more than likely spend a year in jail? I spoke before the judge the first time and the no contact was dropped and he was able to come home after serving 3 weeks. I’m going to get a ppo on him and hope they keep him a year so I can divorce him while he’s in jail. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry you are experiencing that kind of treatment with your current partner. Based on what you share it seems you are in a domestic violence relationship and that you have taken action before where he has been removed from the home, although he comes back later and the cycle starts all over again. Since your questions are legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you are experiencing and work on ending the cycle. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process at 916.920.2952.
 
This happened to me and we got in to argument and he throw the phone to me and I throw it back the daughter call police because it was our first fight after so many years marriage and they arrest him now we have court date and I love him so much he does to what would think it’s gonna happen what punishment he will get is it possible they take him to jail I don’t want him in jail Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471.If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Can I press chargers to a person who has a dvo order if I have changed my mind Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today with your question. If we understood your question correctly, yes it is within your rights to press charges against this person, and can do so by contacting the non-emergency line of your local law enforcement agency or going in in-person to do a report. Please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, if you need any further support with this situation. 

Before we were married my husband (boyfriend at the time) blacked out on me while he was drunk and his sister thought he was going to kill me that night how he was acting he never laid a hand on me but broke other things She drove 2 hrs to come get me. I went back. After our first son was born he blacked out on me smashed my phone and took the car keys. I had to call the cops to leave that night. He said he was done drinking. He has blacked out a few more times where he said he was going to hit me and his buddies stood up and said if your going to hit any one it will be me. I warned him the last time if he ever blacked out on me again it would be his last. Well he did it again and this time he told me id be lucky to see the light of day again. I told him that I want a divorce it was your last chance. He says I am tearing our family apart and going to break the kids heart. He said things will change and he’s done drinking. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you have been going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can only imagine how upsetting and hurtful it has been to experience this within your relationship, and we commend your strength and courage. We support you with whatever you feel are the next steps in your process, and we have lots of services we feel could be helpful to you, such as Counseling, Legal, even Emergency Shelter. Although we cannot tell you what to do, since you are your best advocate and only you know what is best for you, all we can do is offer support, access to services, and resources within the community. If you would like to discuss this situation further with a crisis counselor, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I’ve been with my husband just over 7 years, married for 4 years. We’ve had a beautiful loving relationship for most of those years. He is a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. I was not with him during his using years. We met and married after he was clean and sober for about 5 years. This past year he started taking Adderall for ADHD. He definitely has ADHD, but we’ve always been nervous for him to try an addictive prescription drug to help with it. He made the choice to give it a try. He started to change in his behaviors and has become more self absorbed and less concerned with family life. We’ve had more arguments than ever. I mentioned to him a few times that I was worried, but he always put my worries to rest. Last weekend he became agitated over what seemed like something small. He started calling me horrible names, I got upset and defensive. I did grab his shoulders during our argument and in turn he pushed me away. I landed hard onto our living room floor. I wish things would’ve stopped there, but they didn’t . He then lost complete control and threw me in a chair, grabbed me by the face, jaw, and neck repeatedly. He was so angry. I tried to leave but he did not allow that and it only made him angrier. After it was all over, he we crying and said he felt awful. I ended up with a large bruise on my wrist, swollen lip, and cheek. Most of my face was sore including my nose. I also had a 1 inch long cut next to my nose. I am pretty shaken by the whole thing and can’t seem to get passed it. He is now telling me that if I wouldn’t have freaked out on him it would’ve never happened. He’s saying that once I own my part in the situation I will be able to feel better and move on. He has also admitted to his dependency of the prescription adderall and has started his recovery process again. I’m so confused. I don’t know if I should stay and try to work things out or stay. It’s amazing how one incident can change 7 years just like that. Feeling sad, confused, and alone. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

Who can I get in contact with about gaining help in child custody family law cases? 

What organization can get some laws changed for domestic violent victims and their children – for more protection over the abuser?

Women are all able to escape but what happens when the children cannot because of court orders, what about the protection of the innocent children ? How are we supposed to help our children have a better future and break the cycle of abuse if the courts allow the children to be placed in the abusers care? 
This is not justice nor is this going to help the children have a better future. We need to do something to help the children. Please.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, you have brought up some very valid and unfortunately true points here. The justice system is incredibly unjust at times, and is still growing in supporting survivors. Our agency offers Legal services surrounding the areas of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and more, and we may be able to provide you assistance/support with your Child Custody case. To receive legal support please call the Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, if your case is through Sacramento County. If your case is outside of Sacramento County please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to receive resources in your county. We hear your frustrations, and we want you to know that there are many organizations in the community who are fighting for victims and fighting to challenge the laws and legislation that oppress them. But it is an uphill battle and will not happen overnight. We appreciate the support of amazing advocates like yourself who are fighting for those who cannot always fight for themselves. 

My partner put their hands on me once and I left.
I filed for and am getting a divorce.

[Yes, as it turns out, there was much financial abuse which I didn't recognize and didn't find out how much until my attorney discovered a secret bank account].

I have domestic violence counseling and a supportive boss at work.

In my new city, people have been telling me things like, “You are beautiful. Are you married? I want to go out with you…”

I have zero desire to date anyone right now, and zero desire to date anyone who thinks shallow flattery will get them anywhere with me.

I have been doing all the things to take care of myself but how do I stop giving off signals to creeps that I am vulnerable?

I have become more assertive so that is great. Something in me must still be shouting “victim” and i want to stop that.

I also didn’t know that being violent in front of me– even when not directed at me– is also domestic violence. This part of the message is not getting communicated to the public.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings, we want to commend you for speaking out as we are certain this is an incredibly common emotional experience for a survivor and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. It sounds like you are truly setting yourself up for success with the changes you have made in your life, including a really great support system. But we want to gently remind you that healing is a process, a journey, and it is not always the most straightforward one. I’m sorry you have been having the experience of receiving unwanted attention, that is truly unfortunate but we want to remind you that you are not giving off some sort of signal. We are not saying that that behavior is ok, but I think recognizing that it isn’t your fault or about you is important. This might be a good situation to discuss with your therapist, they may have some tips for how to handle those triggering situations. Please be kind to yourself in this imperfect process, healing changes daily and sometimes it may seem like you are ten steps forward and the next day twenty steps backwards but it’s still steps. 
My friend of 55 years has custody of her grandson, after fighting a long hard battle for him. She, her daughter and grandson, left Colorado and moved back to Sacramento, their original home town. Her daughter was talked into returning to Colorado for a visit, by her ex abusive boyfriend. While there she got into trouble and went to jail. Her son was taken by the court and put into foster care. It took over a year and 2 extended trips to Colorado for the court to finally grant her custody. Her daughter was pregnant again. After she was released from jail they made her stay in Colorado for probation until after her second son was born. They finally got back to Sacramento about a year ago. They have been living with my friend. Her daughter is having some mental problems and has started getting abusive to my friend. The cops have been called out many times and twice they took the daughter in for observation but was released after being treated for bipolar disorder. The abuse has gotten progressively worse and my friend wants her daughter to leave. The problem is that she only has custody of one grandchild and if she kicks her out, the daughter will take the other child. She is worried for his safety and can’t risk his safety for hers. She needs to find a way to get her out and keep both boys with her. She needs to file a restraining order on her daughter but can’t legally kick her out without a 30 day notice. The daughter will not give her any kind of custody and accuses her of stealing her other son. The cops only had one suggestion for her, to contact Weave to see if she can get help. Her daughter takes her car keys and phone from her all the time. I am contacting you with her consent, hoping for information, without her daughter finding out. I told her to leave with both boys and disappear for a while, but she is afraid there could be kidnapping charges filed against her. Can you suggest the best way for her to go about getting this whole thing solved? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your friend is going through this and we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. You are a wonderful advocate for your friend and we appreciate you reaching out on her behalf. This is certainly a very complex situation, and we feel that it would be beneficial for your friend to receive some legal support for this situation. It sounds like a restraining order may be a safe option, as well as pursing a Child Custody situation. Please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so that we can assess her situation further and refer to the appropriate Legal resource. 
My wife and I are currently going through a divorce. She came home, more than likely drunk, and began verbally abusing me with not so classy language. Told me to leave, not that nicely, I said no. She proceeded to physically pull the pillows from under my head with all strength, I had one locked under my arm which she ended up pulling me to the floor with it. I got up, laid back down in bed and she then got on top of me to smother me (honestly think it was to make me uncomfortable so I’d get up). I told her this was nice and patted her back and said I missed her (I didn’t know what to do other than make her feel uncomfortable to get off me.) She didn’t, so I rolled her off me to my left side. She started to feign that I shoved her, with great force then ran to my 5 year old son’s room. Fearing for his safety, I followed and attempted to push the door open. I never gained entry before I heard her screaming that I was choking her over and over. I immediately called the police and went outside to wait. Cops came, already separated they began their questioning. I told my side and the other cop came down and said she admitted that I never touched her. They said no crime was committed, gave some advice on being in different homes until the divorce and left…I was so relieved that she didn’t seriously go off the deep-end and self-inflict wounds to have me hauled off in handcuffs that I was happy I wasn’t being taken away in handcuffs to even think…WHAT? I called, why didn’t they ask me if I wanted to press charges? Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. If you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
I’m 39 years old. My older brother David, 59 years old, has been abusive all my life. My parents never did anything about him. Brothers and sisters just fight. He’s 20 years older than me. When I was a kid he was an adult. He has knocked several teeth out when I was a minor. After mom died last year, he has gotten more and more violent. In April our brother’s doctor called me with questions on our way to the hospital. While I was talking, to the doctor, David hit me up the face with his laptop. Broke some more teeth and came a hair from breaking my nose. I bit through my upper lip. Police came. He threatened to kill me in front of them (they had body cams). I sent the victims advocate my order of protection paperwork, medical bills, etc. Was notified today that he was only getting 2 years probation. No jail time at all. She said, “The next time he hits you, just me know”. He’s been doing this for 39 years! He’s always getting a slap on the wrist with a “don’t do it anymore”. What does it take to lock him up? He’s physically abusive to our father and his mother in law. They are both in their late 80s. Dad won’t do anything about him. His mother in law has an order of protection on him too. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.
 

Hi I live in Iowa I’m new to Iowa after a divorce I took a chance and started dating someone I had been talking to my social media this guy is the most psychotic dangerous person I’ve ever encountered he is friends with a police officer in the nearby town I have told the police officers everything that he is doing and because he sells meth to an officer he’s Big Man on Campus and they wont do anything about what he’s doing he’s on probation he stalks me he abuses me threatens me if you saw my face right now I could provide proof of abuse he has tried planting drugs in my car in my home last week he broke my door I don’t know what to do I cannot go to the police this guy is a daily use user of methamphetamines and I’ve even contact us a probation officer and they have not tested him I am so scared out of my mind. I’m moving next Saturday. He’s already on to my location.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding your situation, we are so sorry you are going through this and we want to commend your courage and bravery in reaching out today. We feel that the steps you have taken to protect yourself, while they may seem ineffective, are very smart and courageous. We feel it may be helpful to connect with a domestic violence agency in your area who might have more supportive resource to provide you, and since our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, we would like to encourage you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). They can help you get connected to resources in your community. 
My son who turned 13 year old son a few days has recently and somewhat suddenly turned angry and violent. I have sent him to go live with his father who lives nearby. I don’t think his father intended to be a full time parent and it is not convenient for him and it breaks my heart. We agreed to have him come to my house a few days a week. When I went to pick him up from school he got angry yelled at me through chairs around and charged me. I think he hit and scratched my face. He took my hat and stopped on it. The security guard was on hand he had been sitting next to my son in his gym class so my son must have been misbehaving before I got there. I don’t. It all happened do fast but it is two hours later and my nose still hurts and a spot on my cheek so that is why I think he hit me. I know he pushed me, maybe on my face? He then tore things off of the wall in the hall and kicked the wall a few times. I told the people at the school to let him go and tell him to goto his dad’s house. They escorted him off the school grounds. 

Anyway if he does this again should I have him arrested? I don’t want him in Juvenile hall but I am worried about him and his willingness to hit me. What if he hits his brother or his girlfriend or wife when he grows up. Will having him arrested help??
Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how difficult this situation is and we want to do everything we can to support you. If we are understanding your message correctly it sounds like your son has recently developed some violent coping mechanisms that are impacting not only your safety but perhaps the safety of other students. We are so sorry this is happening and we can understand why you would be concerned. However, we do not feel that having your son arrested is the best or most immediate solution. What you have described here is a behavioral issue and it is normal for children to have some changes in behavioral when going through puberty but these violent tendencies, if not approached, could become a normal response. We feel that perhaps some anger management-based counseling would be incredibly appropriate for your son, and have plenty of resources for them. We also might suggest partnering with the school counselor if that is an option and they might have further Counseling or supportive resources. They also may be able to get your connected to resources that can help you in coping and responding in these situations. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to supportive resources for your son, 916.920.2952. 
Am I the only one who doesn’t know how to let go of a abusive person. It just seems like I’m ready to stay away and he’ll contact me and get me to believe him and listen to him. I also wonder if I’m the only person at my age, I’m in my 50, going through this. I’m so depressed and frustrated with myself and I feel it’s my fault cause I’m dumb enough to go back you know. Anyway just wondering Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings today, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want you to know that you are not alone. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. There are so many people who are experiencing what you describe and that is incredibly common within abusive relationships. There is so much manipulation and control that occurs so it makes it almost impossible to get away, physically and emotionally, so those lingering feelings you are having are extremely normal. What may be helpful to you is to attend some form of group counseling where you can process among other survivors who may have had similar experiences so you can begin to heal and feel less alone. If you would like more information on Counseling services, get connected to resources within the community, or to speak to a crisis counselor, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
How can I talk to my grown son about the effects of DV on him? He was five when I left his dad and he doesn’t remember any of it. Recently I told him it might be good to bring up the effect dv has had on him with his therapist – he told me he didn’t think dv was part of his life. So, maybe that’s good, but it also means he does not have a concept of what his siblings and I went through. His older brother was beaten with a cutting board, I was dragged off a bed and choked/hit in the face etc. Any advice is so appreciated. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.
Ok a guy I have known all my life txt me out the blue and was asking me about a mutual cousin. I had no information on her. I guess he thought I was lying. So he starts telling me he is going to roll up on me and bring his vice lords and gangs. So when my 19 year got home I told him what all this guy had said to me. My son txt him telling him don’t ever disrespect his mother like that so he responds back and starts telling my son that he would kill and would make his son watch him kill him while he took his last breath. He told my son he didn’t give a f**k about his life nor his mama’s life. This guy has been in jail most of his life and does nothing but cause trouble. What can I have done about these threats since he screaming he is going to bring these gangs into the situation. The royal gangsters and vice lords. Said he has killed for alot less. We are the Mississippi area We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening.  Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. If you are in immediate danger, you can always call 911.
 
after three years of signing complaints and taking all steps to seek help for our 13 year old daughter violent outburst (not just at home, at school church, and other parent’s home) making false allegations (were to be unfounded, she wasn’t with us during the week that she said it happened) and nothing happening to her (or us till now,) how can they press charges in a different county for me slapping her after she punched, kicked and spit in my my face? I asked for her to be put in residential care, and after almost 6 months of asking, after doing the same behaviors against foster-mother they did it. How she ended up in state custody was because I sought medical treatment after having my head bounce off a door 5 weeks after she punched me in the face, and lost hearing (short amount of time). The officer told me I was not allowed to be checked medically because I was her mom and had to sit with her. I tried to file a complaint with a supervisor of the officer and got told they were going to put her in state custody before 1130 pm while we were both checked into the emergency room (the admitting nurse and her supervisor checked me in as an abuse victim knowing I would not be able to sit with our daughter). They said I rather kill myself than set with her (never not sit with her until this day) and that I abandon her even though I went through the hospital with okay from admitting nurse and supervisor to get treatment. I was not given a psychological evaluation or even treatment because the officer informed the doctor of his opinion of what he thought was going on…. I now how charges for domestic against me, even though I didn’t not restrain her (my husband did, and has not charges) and only pushing her away from and trying to keep her from kicking by holding her feet down, with hands. I don’t understand why now or even why when asked for help from dss, juvenile office doctors office and even church. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
I truly have a girlfriend 72 years old with Parkinson’s and she is in a wheelchair most of the time although PT is still occurring and she is able to fast walk some from the Kitchen to the hallway, maybe 20 ft. Her husband of over 40 years puts on a show when we are around. He is very impatient with her, according to her, he calls her a Bitch and curses at her daily. She is a Christian and he claimed to be too at one time. But she is no angel, she wakes him up in the middle of the night and asks him for water or her laptop or to go to the bathroom. So they have broken sleep, I just know that it is BOTH of their fault, but you cannot change someone else, only yourself. I tell her to answer more softly and be quiet more often to show him that he is wrong instead of telling me he’s wrong all of the time. He throws things and she is afraid to tell anyone because he will hurt her. They retired, and now life is nothing like they hoped and planned. Friends have left them. She threatens to tell Pastor and he threatens her not to tell. We have prayed for them, given them to God, but it is such a helpless feeling listening to them, I cannot imagine being one of them in the midst of all of this hatred daily. We spend as much time with them as we can but I don’t see it helping the other days of the week. Others from church come and we do a Bible Study together, he never says a word. This is the man that used to be a Head Elder of our church. We share a meal and he’ll pray but I’m not sure it is from his heart or just for show. They never come to church any longer, she misses church. What more can we do or say? Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that your friend is experiencing this within their relationship. Based on what you shared it seems they might be in a domestic violence relationship. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If they would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if they would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If they live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

i overdosed on pills to commit suicide and i went to my boyfriend for help and i passed out. i awoke to him sexually assaulting me. can i press charges? It happened over a year ago but I have text messages where he admits it

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we want to start by saying we are so sorry that this happened to you. We can only imagine how upsetting it has been for you this past year and we want to say that we are so proud of you for your courage and bravery in reaching out for support. Yes, you can definitely press charges and having those text messages will be incredibly helpful in that process. We also want you to know that this is not something you have to go through alone. We have many services such as Counseling, Advocacy and Legal that could be helpful to you with this situation. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to speak further with a crisis counselor and get access to our services. You are not alone in this, we believe you and we are here for you every step of the way. 
My boyfriend is addicted to sex and meth. He will use for 6 months get clean and use again. Every time he gets sober he’s sweet and financially supportive then little by little he starts to verbally and emotional abuse me then he starts to get financially and physically abusive towards me. 

It’s been five years of this behavior each year getting worse. He’s had me evicted at 4 different residences. 

Which brings me to my present situation. I’ve been evicted for a month now and I’m 6 months pregnant. I went to welfare and was approved for temporary housing for 16 days. 

He’s back to his addiction of meth and sexual addiction in which he will do nothing but watch porn for days on end. 

So tonight he decided to kick me out of the motel room. I have my car but my license is suspended so I don’t want to risk driving anywhere.

I have nowhere to go and it is 10:00 pm on Sunday night? 

What can I do?
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your situation, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want you to know that you are not alone, we are here to help you and support you. What you have been going through is not ok, violence has no place in a healthy relationship, and you deserve to be somewhere where you can feel safe and be supported. We have resources that we feel could be helpful to you in this situation, such as Emergency Shelter or other shelter-based resources not only in Sacramento County but outlying counties as well. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to those resources, 916.920.2952. Crisis counselor’s can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources. We are here for you. 

My soon to be ex husband has said to me multiple times that the motorcycle club he is a part of is watching me. That even if I move out of state they are a nation wide and I will be safe no where.
His girlfriend who is also in a motorcycle club has said she will kick my ass and I’m being watched.
I just want to be left alone.
Suggestions?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry you are going though this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can imagine how scary this situation is for you, and we want you to know that you are not alone. It sounds like you are concerned about your safety due to the threats made against you by both your ex and his girlfriend who are in a motorcycle club. We want to support you in taking action to protect yourself so you can feel safe and be left alone. Is law enforcement aware of your situation? They might be able to grant you an emergency protective order. If not we could provide you resources on getting a Restraining Order or connect you to our Legal Team for further support if your situation is occurring within their scope of practice which is Sacramento County. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for further support. 

My friend is super quiet and talks about sex when she does talk. She limps when she walks and talked to a large man and then had to leave. She always wears black and sometime wears long sleeved shirts. Something just doesn’t sit right… Is she being abused?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we can imagine how confusing and worrisome this situation is and we commend you for being an amazing advocate for your friend. Without knowing more about her situation it is hard for us to give you a firm answer on whether or not she is being abused, however we would like to encourage you to share your concerns with your friend if you feel it is safe to do so. Some things you may say are: I’ve noticed you have been dressing differently lately and I just want to make sure you are ok? That way it is a much lighter conversation that leaves her room to open up if she feels the need to. If you need further support with this issue please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  
My girlfriend has done several questionable things as of late including accusing my best friend of being obsessed with me, commenting on the length of my showers and imply that I am cheating with a mutual friend. She apologizes often but nothing is changing and I’m worried that this is going to be what our relationship looks like from now on. I love her so much but I don’t like how this is making me feel. Is there a way to seek help for her, or do I need to take care of myself? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I know someone that is in an abusive situation and there’s been several times she aquired head injuries ever to the point she said she thinks she has a seizure once from her head being pushed to the ground while she was sitting cross legged and she said she felt three cracks from hey neck down her doing spine. but she uses secretly to help with pain, but he told her if she goes to the doctor he will lie and call her an addict and tells her whole family and friends and that she will lose her kid, so she won’t go to the doctors. But I’m pretty sure she had a concussion. She’s been complaining of horrible headaches that make her sick, and she hasn’t been herself. Is there a doctor she can go to that won’t judge her but just make sure she’s okay? I’m really worried about her having a serious injury but she won’t go out of fear. If you have any suggestions please lmk because if so I think I could convince her to go, and get the help she needs. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your friend, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important for your friend to reach out to their doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that deter her from getting medical help. She is the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with the doctor. If you or your friend need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
 
Amy and I wish her dead our lives would be easier. Quote that was the text he sent his second girlfriend Arthur died can’t remember any year don’t know what to do he does own a gun he doesn’t want to pay me alimony I’m the mother of his child we have been married 20 years and live in the state of Florida just want to know what I should do about that text it’s a little scary Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
A few months back I had a fight with my husband and cops ended up in my house. I lied about something and now my husband is in jail for aggravated assault with deadly weapon for what I said, in fact he never had a weapon, I was drunk and tried to cut myself he just took it away from me. I do not want to get in trouble, I do not want to be in jail and is embarrassing if my parents findout I lied. If I tell the truth on court day will I get in a big trouble? This happened in January 2019 in Texas. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
 
Hello,I need some advice. I have been with my partner 6 months and we are now married. I was aware of a court case with his ex partner regarding his child. The case alleges domestic and emotional abuse which he always denied. Some of the allegations are very extreme. I do not believe they are possible. Over time he has shown some controlling tendencies but says it’s stuff he is working on and it’s normally shut down pretty quickly. We have had a few arguments which nearly always start by him criticising me and me defending my opinion or reasons, often my response provocates him as he says he is trying to help and improve me. He always calms down in the end and apologises. He always explains that some things trigger him to remember his ex and brings back the trauma which makes him wonder whether all her alleged abuse is true (the emotional side of things). He said she has an anger problem and the abuse was actually the other way round whereby she used to hit him and pull his hair.He has gone away for some time and left all the court paperwork in the house. I had seen some allegations before but have now seen some police reports from years ago that allege abuse. The recent fact finding hearing was found in his ex partners favour, she could not agree with all the allegations as there was no evidence, but a voice recording of one of their arguments (which I have not heard) was enough for her to say that she thinks it is likely he is controlling and manipulative and has been emotionally abuse. I’m scared he may be lying to me and this may get progressively worse over time. However he has been wonderful to me and I believe his previous relationship was very toxic. I don’t know what to believe any more. I have no one to talk to on the matter and I know if I speak to friends or family they will freak out. He has only met a few of my friends and they can see we are happy together.It’s hard to judge whether I too am being manipulated. I can’t talk directly with him as he openly asked me in the beginning to question him, and I did and was satisfied. I’m not sure whether bringing up stuff again is just my paranoia, and he is beginning to forget all the stuff that has happened so I feel like it’s best forgotten? I appreciate any advice you may have. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Love can be a very complex thing; If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance of lasting. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

Who do I call when 911 Sacramento sherrifs dpt fails me? I’ve called 911 2xs now on my neighbor for throwing his wife to the ground. As I was on the phone with 911 he was outside hiding his gun. I was telling the 911 operator this. Sherrifs dpt came out done nothing. A month ago he called 911 saying she was having a seizure. Zero history if seizures. He beat her up pretty bad. She wasn’t able to say what happened due to her condition. We know the fear and issues that come with why the abused stays. I just called 911 on him for hitting her and they showed up said we got a report of fighting going on here, the abuser says nothing going on here and they left. So when the sherrif dpt fails u repeatedly what other option are there before shes dead. Btw he punched her in the nose and try to chock her today. Took cops 45 min to get here. From what my x-cop sister says if we dont show up right away we dont care.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we also want to thank you for being an amazing advocate for your neighbor’s wife. What you have described sounds horrible and we are so saddened to hear that that was  your experience with law enforcement. Unfortunately we do not have a straightforward answer to your question, because we are not a law enforcement-based agency and cannot speak on issues regarding jurisdiction and responding to cases. However, our agency works closely with law enforcement in the community and even have embedded advocates within some agencies. Our main concern in responding and speaking to this situation would be to try and support her in getting services and resources to help her. We have many services, like Counseling, Emergency Shelter, Legal, and so many more, as well as resources within the community that could be helpful to her. Please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we will do everything we can to help her. 

I am the youngest of 3 daughters. I’ve been helping my elderly parents. My oldest sister 53 was homeless and moved in with us, along with her 23 year old daughter. My Mom has some Alzheimer’s. She is verbally, physically and psychologically abusing me and my Mom. Although she does not get physical with my Mom..she still screams at her. My Dad abused my Mom and I growing up. He lives with us too, but does nothing to protect us. I am in my 40’s but am afraid to move out and leave my Mom. Social services were ” anonymously ” called. My sister says shes going to get me kicked out. She is psychotic and unstable. What do I do to protect my Mom and myself ? My Psychiatrist knows all about my sisters abuse, as does many of my friends. I gave the worker all of that info.
My Mom is 81 years old. Her and I cannot take much more. 
As a result I’ve developed heart problems. I’ve always been so healthy. Help !!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we cannot imagine how upsetting this must be for you. It sounds like a very complex, challenging family situation and we are glad you were brave enough to take the stands that you did. Is Adult Protective Services involved in the situation? If a caseworker has been assigned, we would encourage you to communicate with them frequently as well as contacting law enforcement to file incident reports regarding what is occurring. We would also like to ask you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can provide you with resources for agencies that specialize in family violence. Again, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. 
i am disabled,i use a prescription pain killer,my wife steals my pain medicine,and she uses other legal and illegal drugs(may be),contacted local police department and they said that they cannot do nothing,contacted her and mine doctor,also he said that he cannot do any thing,what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you have been going through this with your wifes. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial for you to seek out counseling services and receive support. You might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options.We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My best friend is being abused by her boyfriend and she went to the police and brought them pictures for evidence that he put his hands on her plus she made a statement and had all the bruises and and scars to prove it in person. She left him at the time she went to the police which was a few weeks ago but then she went back to him after they told her to stay away from him… he wants her to remove the warrant they have for his arrest is that possible? Can she actually tell the cops she wants to remove the warrant? I just don’t want her to do this anymore i wish she would just let this piece of crap go but shes so blindly in love with him… Can I please get some advice so I can let her know not to even go there and try to remove the warrant because I honestly think she is the one who will end up in trouble for supposedly misleading the cops but I have no idea how that works… Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter and you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. If you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you or your friend would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
My wife was in a physical altercation picking up her son from her ex husbands house. He yelled in her face an and pushed her from behind into a wall. What is my/our recourse or options.

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you and your wife are going through with her ex-husband. That sounds really hard to be going through. Unfortunately, if your wife doesn’t want help, you can’t force her to get it. That has to be a decision she makes on her own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you and your wife to make the best choice that works for your family. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.

My adult son and I moved into an apartment in California recently. He and I both signed the lease. He agreed to pay utilities and I pay the rent. He has since decided he wasn’t going to pay until I apologize to him. He has been bullying me with texts for over a week and I have to lock my bedroom door because I’m afraid he might do something. What can I do? I want him out.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

I was part of a domestic assault from my husband. There was a report made and charges filed right along with a no contact order filed as well. We have a 6 year old daughter and when I left for a battered wemons shelter she went with me. I left my husband have her for the weekend cuz I’m not one to try and take away there child but now he refuses to let me have her back. What do I do? My daughter is my world. And he has used taking her away from me before and he knows it drives a spike in my chest to go along with what’s hes done to me physically.. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through at the moment. If you live in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling and legal services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.
 
I was a resident at a Men’s Domestic Violence Shelter in 2018. Seeking refuge from a home invasion kidnapping that happened to me at my home in KCK. While I was a resident there I was attacked by my roommate a man who the manager New was dangerous. The overnight advocate was asleep with a sleep apnea mask strapped to his head. I need to know what type of insurance do Domestic Violence Shelters carry. Homeowners????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.


 
My partner (fiancé) will not leave my house. I’ve asked more times than I can count. The house is in my name and I keep asking to go. I’m seven months pregnant now and he’s strangled me / pushed me / hit me / yelled / screamed. Part of it is he struggles with alcohol. I’m afraid to lose my home but I’m more afraid that I’ll lose this baby, if he won’t leave. Do I have any rights? Can I do anything about him not leaving? Please help any advice would be appreciated thank you Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your child, their number is 916.875.5437. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling and legal services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My ex-boyfriend has severe anger problems that seem to be getting worse as time goes by. The past week it reached new levels that I have never seen before. He grabbed me, swung a glass bottle towards the back of my head (it did not hit me), and threw a chair across our living room. A day later he seemed to be back to normal. We live in different states and see each other on the weekends. My friend was in a car accident yesterday and I offered to take her to the hardware store. Upon the drive home, I start to receive dozens of dozens of calls from which I ignored because I felt this was not going to be good. Then I start to receive dozens of profanity laced text messages stating horrible things about. Finally, he told me that he called the police and reported my car as stolen. Although, the car belongs to me. The harassment got so bad that I had to block him across the board on everything. How should I go forward? One friend told me that I should report the harassment to the police because there is fear that he might show up to my home. Another, felt that I should inform his employer because he’s in a field that is around a lot of people and having that sort of rage can be detrimental to their safety. What should I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if your former abuser ever assaults you again. If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

My sister is 8 months pregnant with a boyfriend that checks off all the boxes for emotional and mental abuse. Most recently he’s threatened to physically hurt her, or wait until she gives birth to their child and then hurt her and put her back in the hospital if she doesn’t give him money. Is there anything we can do as her family legally to make him reconsider his words and potential actions? I’ve asked her to report him and she breaks down into tears saying she doesn’t want him to go to jail, but I’m concerned for her safety and in the future, the baby’s safety.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry to hear about what your sister is experiencing in her relationship and we cannot imagine how hard it is to see her go through that. You are an amazing support system and advocate for her and we sincerely appreciate you reaching out on her behalf. That takes courage. From what you described, this sounds like a very serious situation and we are concerned for the safety of your sister and her baby. We have a few suggestions on possible action that could be taken to help your sister. You could contact law enforcement and ask them to do a welfare check on her, so that she may possibly feel safer and want to talk to them about whats happening and maybe take some action to protect herself. You could also contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, all the advocates who provide support on that line are mandated reporters and can do a CPS report on your behalf for her. If you would like to discuss this further please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have a friend, who has a friend, that has been married to her husband for 30 years. From my knowledge, he’s never physically abused her, just mentally and emotionally. She has brought up divorce and he has threatened her. My friend has opened her home to her friend, if she ever wanted to leave. Her friend is afraid of what her husband may do to all surrounding people who help her. She’s afraid to leave him. Is there a report the wife can make? What can she do? Can I call to see if PD is willing to make a home visit? I don’t want the day where something does happen and it’s too late.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to your friend and we want to thank you for being such an amazing advocate to her. We can only imagine how hard it is to see your friend go through this, but we have lots of support and services we feel could be helpful to her. To answer your more specific questions, she could definitely do a report with law enforcement where she could possibly press charges and get an emergency protective order. You could also call and ask them to do a welfare check on her if you feel she is in danger. You could also give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and ask her to call us. Our crisis counselors can assess her situation further, get her connected to our services as well as resources within the community. 

I had enough of his mental abuse telling me my home is not mine everything is all the money in the bank is his and I can’t touch none of it and that’s why he took my name off of my savings joint account with them he forged my name and I was never aware of that until now I want to know what I have to do and is she going to go to jail is the big picture because I am tired of being abused and neglected by so-called husband that cares about me but he doesn’t kiss about the money he doesn’t want me to have nothing he says everything is not mine but I know half of everything is mine I just don’t know how you go about the forgery of the joint account savings account I need to know what to do next. He had no right to forge my name to take me off of my savings account with him a joint account all that money in there is not mine says it’s his she has nothing and when my name was on the joint account I barely went to the bank to get money she did that when I took out $100 so I can pay my bills and that’s what he was up to set about and that’s why he forged my signature to take me off of my account with them

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are dealing with some financial abuse within your relationship as well as other forms of abuse. Financial abuse, although not discussed as often as the other types of abuse, is tremendously common. Financial Abuse may include withholding resources, stealing from the victim, or using the victims name to incur debt. We want you to know you are not alone and we are here to help you. We have Legal Advocates who may be able to provide support in this area, and you can contact them by leaving a message at 916.319.4944. However, their scope of practice is only through Sacramento County, so if your case would be occurring outside of that please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more resources in your community.  

Hi I was bullied into signing my divorce papers almost 3 years ago . I was thrown out of our marital home after being married for almost 3 years I was threatened and blackmailed into signing the divorce agreement without representation . I was emotionally and psychologically abused by a narcissist for the week that I was moving out of state . I feel that the divorce agreement was very weak and I’m still paying debts from the marriage on a very meager salary my ex will not help me with any credit card debt anything like that. I was a domestic in the marriage I didn’t have a job he is a very well-off owns his own home I’m living in a trailer . He came down here on a week vacation with his new girlfriend without telling me and was in establishments that I visit frequently I almost walked in on them . What the hell I’ve been through emotionally the past 2 1/2 years I don’t know how I would’ve reacted to a surprise and shock like that so I’m thinking of getting a restraining order to.
I was suicidal when he threw me out and totally traumatized and in shock . I didn’t recognize the man who is used to be my husband it was frightening !! I had all the neighbors on high alert because I didn’t know what he was capable of his anger was off the charts . I have a little money now that I feel I could sue him for emotional damage and for breach of contract and to get some of this debt.
I just want to stand up for myself in the way that I was not able to at the time . Is it too late to get a lawyer and fight him he’s in another state our divorce is final but I was thinking of opening up a new case with all of my mental health documentation.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding this situation, we are so sorry for everything you went through and can only imagine how traumatizing that all was. It is not okay how you were treated and how this all came about, and we can understand why you would want to take legal action. Unfortunately we cannot answer specific legal questions on this forum. Is you case through Sacramento County? If so, you can contact our Legal Advocates to learn more about your options and your rights, at 916.319.4944. Our legal advocates scope of practice is Sacramento County so if your case would be outside that please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get connected to further resources in your community or the National DV Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

My husband of 10 years is probably having some mental problems, since from time to time we fight over the fact that he “works”, and he hates to work or at least what he says. He is normally very shy, and not so capable person. I was forced to open my own company and have him a job 8 years ago, since most places he went people abused his kindness. He should be happy that i did so many sacrifices to have him work, and days off without concerns. .. [edited for content]…He jumped and hit me in the head really hard two times. I was on the sofa, and the slaps where so hard that I collapsed sideways. My face got red, and I told him I’ll call the cops. He jumped again and started to choke me, i was gasping for air, and he said that he would kill me before I call the cops. This is the 2nd time he is hitting me like that, only this time is harder. Last time my mom was on the phone with me and called 911, he got arrested.Me, being stupid cleared him out from all records, since I am ex- law enforcement, and have my ways. This time he was very violent and threatened my life by choking me. Its so ironic, I have sacrificed so much for this person to be productive in society, and this is what I get. I could’ve called 911, but I have upcoming law enforcement job opportunity and hold on to it because of that. Ultimately, my face is very swallowed and I feel really low. I do feel abused to the point where I question my safety. I have 2 small kids and everything that we own is under my name so I do not worry about this.I do believe he has other ways to fulfill his intimate needs, and punish me for the reason why he provides for the family. That to me seems mental issue. 
Not sure what to do. 
By the way, NOBODY hit me in the head that hard throughout my entire life.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings and your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we cannot imagine how upsetting this situation is. We want you to know that you are not alone, and that your experiences are unfortunate and incredibly common. Violence is not okay, and violence has no place in a healthy relationship. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We want you to know that you have options, and you should not have to live your life in fear. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and trained crisis counselors can provide you with the support you need, connection to our services, and resources within our community. 

My neighbor is constantly screaming at his six year old cursing and using the n word .Is there anything I can do to help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today, we understand that this sounds like a very upsetting situation and we want to do everything we can to help. All of us crisis counselors working on the 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, are mandated reporters whose duty it is to report child abuse or neglect. If you feel that the child mentioned is being abused or neglected, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line and we can assess the situation further in order to file a report if needed. Thank you for being a wonderful advocate for this community! 

My wife left me and me and her have a son together how i have with me at are home and she has her son im was step dad to but i found out that why wife wantd full custody of my son and i want full custody because the perosn she is trying ro be with is ready for this the othere baby daddy who is a convited felony child abuse naglect child indangerment and it was her other son that was besten by this man at age 3 and she is running back to him this can not ve legeal for her he has no right and i cant see how goting back to that man that almost killed your child is ok there has to be something i can do to stop her from makeing this desition i dont want my wife back but i dont wanna have to keep my son from her but my son will not be put in that type of postion ant advice would be great

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we appreciate your courage in reaching out today. This sounds like an incredibly upsetting situation and we cannot imagine what it feels like to go through this, we are so sorry. Based on what you described in your message, it sounds like you are looking for support in navigating some sort of Child Custody situation? If that is accurate then you would want to contact our Legal Advocates via the Legal Voicemail. That number is 916.319.4944, please leav your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly. However, our Legal Advocate’s scope of practice is through Sacramento County. If your legal situation is occurring outside of Sacramento County please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and be provided resources in your county. 
I really have no one to talk too about my situation. Two years ago, my husband hit me. I was trying to leave from his constant verbal and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for 28 years. For all these years he has had a porn addiction. He used my iPad to check his emails on it and never erased his account from my device. I noticed as in the past he was going to the bathroom with his phone for hours. I became curious and checked the emails. Well I was shocked at the filth and the chat rooms he was in. His Facebook showed young girls he had befriended and the YouTube accounts showed young possibly underage girls dancing and some yes stripping. I questioned him about what I had found and he didn’t denied any of it. This started the increase of verbal abuse towards me. I was trying to leave and I had my bags on my shoulder they were heavy. In front of his two adult daughters he held me down and he punched me in my shoulder. The impact caused the bags to fly off my shoulder and my rotator cuff to rip. My oldest daughter shout to her dad to stop and he better not ever hit me again. My husband admitted he hit me too. Till this day my daughters and husband has forgotten what happened and they say he never hit me. Is everyone but me suffering from amnesia… my shoulder hurts constantly and my daughters are verbally abusing me too. Why Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this with your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
 
I have 3kids . I am married for 17 yrs now . My husband was arrested for assault but was released on bail. Now he is back and is asking me to help him to change . He said he recognized his mistake and is doing for kids till they go to college. It’s 7 yrs to go for that . He promises that he will leave for while when he starts escalating . He said he needs support to become nice but also warns not to call police and get him arrested,
Can I trust him ? He has ruined by peace of mind by verbally abusing me , emotionally torturing me and economically making mock of me for earning low in come . He has hit me but not to extent of bleeding. I am economically dependent on him . Can you send me a copy of answer to following email Id? Thanks.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. We understand you would like us to reach out to you through your email, but due to confidentiality issues we can’t. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I am the victim of domestic violence when my 20yo step son stabbed me several times puncturing a lung where I spent nearly a week in the hospital. He was incarcerated immediately for attempted murder. 
His mother/my spouse immediately started supporting him. She retained an attorney that is the best in the state, tried mitigating the extent of the injuries, has constantly called him, the mail is always gone and seems that her concern is not for me.
I communicated my feelings of betrayal and insensitivity of the actions I endured. After our conversation/argument about the situation there is no resolve. I guess I would expect full support. Is that not possible due to the incident being her child?
I now have to fight for my rights as a victim since the state prosecutor is too busy to do anything with my case. The defense has hired a special investigation team to mitigate the damages.
What should I do?
It was all caused from drugs, he has threatened to kill me previously, very unstable person. I walked in the house, asked him to leave since my wife called me due to him being crazy throwing things around and being violent. I asked him to leave where he immediately began stabbing me.
What do I do in this case?!?!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we can only imagine how upsetting and horrible this must have been, we are so sorry that this happened. It sounds like you are looking for some legal advice, and we would love to support you in that. If you are able to, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can connect you with legal resources best suited for your situation. Again, we can only imagine how difficult this has been for you and we are terribly sorry. 

I’m very uncomfortable with my counselor and there has been violation of my confidentially domestic violence issues and problems with family and imtimate partner of about 10 years ago harassment sexual abuse how can i get away from falling victum to their..everyone knows each other conflict..slander too want to press charges 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want to do everything we can to help you. It is unclear what your question is exactly so if you could contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where we can provide you further support. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for two months and he found out I cheated he was upset we separated for a while then he found out I had a male friend which was only that, a friend, and he got angry and hit me twice he held me down to keep me from screaming and calling the police but I love him but now I want to press charges what should I do I’m still sore from the entire thing

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry you are going through this and want to commend you for your courage and bravery in reaching out today. We can only imagine how upsetting that must have been, and we want you to know that you are not alone. You have many options and support in navigating this process and we are here to help you. If you are interested in pressing charges, you can contact the Law Enforcement agency that has responded to your situation most recently, and if you are interested in having any support in that, such as possibly an advocate, you can contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We also have a Legal Line that you could call to leave a message for one of our Legal Advocates to return, that number is 916.319.4944. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County, and if you need resources and support outside of this county don’t hesitate to call our Support Line. Please know you are not alone and we are here for you. 
My husband threw me out of house on lies he got 2 year order protection threw me out with no money I am divorcing him now and he wants me to pay 50’percentvmarital debt Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, however we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.
 
I am an twenty something year old adult still living at home with my parents (the Bay Area is expensive, I’m saving to move out soon). I’ve been exposed to violence since an early age, my mother would discipline my sisters and I when we were younger, sometimes for no reason after her mother and brother died when I was in elementary school. Her brother moved in when I was in high school, after he got out of jail for beating his girlfriend, he used an object to crack her skull. Thankfully she has recovered and never took him back. Since then my uncle has been abusive to other partners and he got kicked out of my house when I was 17 after he choked his child’s mother, at our house. He had a newborn at the time and we let his girlfriend stay with her child, as we knew that my uncle was in the wrong. Fast forward 8 years and he still beats his wife, got kicked out of his living place and my mother wants to bring him into our house again. I’m torn by this and feel very unsafe/uncomfortable about this situation. He drinks and has done drugs which only makes his anger issues worse. He’s threatened my family before and has hit other women in my family. My mother is in denial and thinks that we have a vendetta against him, she keeps saying to give him a chance but he has never gotten help or therapy. He is almost 50 and I understand he has no where to go, but he’s never tried to get professional help, he only asks his sisters for money or a place to stay temporarily, but this always ends up being long term. I am scared as there are four women in my household and my uncle has battered multiple women. How can I help my mother understand that I feel unsafe? I don’t want to bother anyone by living elsewhere temporarily, my siblings and I both told my mother we don’t think he should stay with us. What can I do? I don’t have enough money to rent anywhere for more than a few months. This has really taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally, especially because my mother constantly picks fights with me because we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to her brother. I think group family therapy will be good for us, I just don’t know what else to do. I’m trying to hang in there. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
I was wondering if I could report child abuse without being 100% sure. I heard people yelling and kids screaming “no” and a lot of loud banging. It worries me so much bc I went through that as a child. I dont want to get anyone in trouble if nothing is going on but i really want to make sure those kids are safe. I just moved to the place I’m at and when I heard all of that I started crying bc I didn’t know if those kids were safe. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. You might want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect the neighbor’s children, their number is 916-875-5437. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
I am divorcing my husband of 21 years. We lost our daughter to suicide almost 3 years ago and we have never been the same. I was the one who found my daughter so I have much trauma from that but I have tried to pull myself together for our 2 sons. At first my husband and I were the closest we had been in years but after 2 months he started an affair with another woman. I discovered this and he admitted it and told me he no longer loved me and wanted to start a new life with this other woman. He moved out and it did not work. I let him move back and tried to work things out. He became very suicidal constant threats, it was absolutely traumatizing to me But I tried to support him. The problem was I could do no right. I didn’t get up at the right time, I didn’t smile the right way, I didn’t have the sex he wanted. I was exhausted and met another man that gave me attention. A much younger man and it felt good. I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I spent the next year and a half dealing with his threat to commit suicide If I left him. (He actually put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, he knew there was no bullets, but I didn’t). I finally convinced him to get a place of his own and I filed for divorce. The problem now is he has hacked into my social media accounts has found my personal journals stalks my house, work place, my friends houses and places I frequent. I have a restraining order in place, I’ve had him baker acted for 11 days. He changes phones and calls and texts me everyday and if he can’t get ahold of me he goes through our sons. He says that I am attacking him by living my life. I have been on a few dates and have more Of a social life. I feel like my actions have nothing to do with him. What should I do? Agree to not see any men until our divorce is final or will this continue. He has just about convinced me that maybe I am doing wrong. I’m so mentally exhausted I just want it to stop. I need help Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to counseling or legal resources, you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.
 
A friend was threatened by alleged spouse’s mistress of killing her, would this affect him if he has prior domestic violence against him
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.

My husband and I have been together 8 years. Throughout our relationship we have had periods of time where he goes from being loving and a considerate partner and father to being abrasive, distant, eventually escalating to the point where he is short tempered with me, our children, even our pets. It happened again last night, it’s been awhile since it happened so I guess I didn’t see it coming or I was just stupid in handling it. He was being very, mean…short. Yelling at the kids, the dog. Once I put our kids to bed I asked what was wrong. He screamed and shattered a plate over his face. He calmed down and apologized, seemed almost normal. Then he woke up this morning being cruel again, screaming at the children. Putting me down. I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. I have no friends anymore, years ago my friends wanted me to leave him and he said it was them that was the problem. I don’t even have social media of any kind. The few people we interact with all think he is great, kind, friendly etc. I guess I don’t know what to do, or if I am overreacting. I don’t know if it was my fault for asking him what was wrong. I have thought about leaving, but worry over how it will effect my kids and also financially keeps me here.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You are not overreacting and should never feel like the person you love is putting you down. One thing you can do if you feel comfortable with it is check with your children and see how they are doing and feeling. Some art activities can express their emotions also. Witnessing and experiencing verbal abuse can be very hard for all of you. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing. We want you to know WEAVE is here for you and if you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or connect to resources, we do offer a variety of services. If you are considering leaving and want to know some option, we can help you with that. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If talking to someone in person is something, you would like we do have walk-in triage with counselors Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center.

My boyfriend and I both cops working same department, same shift and sometimes same vehicle.
He will get angry everytime another male colleague talks to me , he will get anxious when I receive a phone call and he will want to know who was calling.
After work he will strangle, choke me in the car on our way home. He stays with me by my place , he has his own place that he is renting but never stayed in it from the time we started dating. In 2018 he punched me with his fist on my face I sustained an open wound a cut on my right eye and a blue eye, I took overdose of sleeping tablets 60 of them at once I woke up in hospital with lots of cubes on me he said to me I should say I was involved in a car accident because that is what he said when he brought me in the hospital so I said so too.
I went to help out a friend who had a miscarriage and he went out to see his friends.
He continued phoning me and my phone was flat I sent him an SMS telling him that my battery was flat so he phoned me on my friend’s phone and he started to get angry on the phone and asked where I was and I told him I was still with my friend and I took her to the shop to get something to eat. I entered my house and he wasn’t home I took some sleeping tablet and fell asleep, my 11 year old son was home sleeping when I got home on the couch in the lounge.
When he arrived home I was still sleeping I was woken up by a fist on my stomach and lots of questions about my phone and why I didn’t phone him, he hit me from my bedroom with fists all over my body and face, he dragged me on the floor and tore the red vest top I was wearing into pieces, dragged me from my bedroom passed the lounge where my son was sleeping and he woke up and saw and he dragged me to the kitchen, lifted me up and put me on top of the sink and punched me full on my stomach , then took me to the lounge and punched me full on my face and I could hear birds singing on my ears.
He then went to the toilet and I heard him peeing I took my car keys and ran outside , jumped into my car and started it and reversed and there he was he tried to open the doors and I locked them from inside.
He broke the front passenger’s window on my car , shattered into pieces , I ran to a colleague’s place and she phoned our colleagues to come and attend to my complaint “Domestic Violence ” they then asked him to leave and go to his place.
He came back to my place begging outside and asking me to open for him and I refused he was apologizing and eventually he opened the window in the lounge and got hold of my son’s arm and apologized to him and told him he loves and care about him.
I asked him to leave my son alone and go away and we wanted to sleep so when we wake up I will phone him and we can talk.
He refused to go away and was making a noise outside I then phoned our colleagues to come attend the DV Complaint, he was asked to go away and this time it was a different shift.
He then left , I tried to sleep.I woke up and realised that my left leg could not stand , it was very sore but not swollen up. I tried to walk but couldn’t.The female colleague then came to my house and took me to hospital ER emergency side. I was attended to and I sustained a left broken ankle, Xrays were done , I sustained 2 broken ribs and 1 cracked rib , bruises, blue eye, bruises all over my body and arms.
I was then discharged from hospital same day. My colleague advised me to open a case against him and have him arrested and do a protection order against him. I have thought about it and I couldn’t do it because I know he will lose his job and probably be jailed about it.
I do love him and never wronged him not even once, I then decided to send him an SMS because I have no one to take my son to school, I was doing so but now I was put on a MoonBoot so I cannot drive my son to school nor can do anything because my ribs are broken.
He came back to my house and doing the duties I used to do at home like washing, cooking, hanging clothes, taking my son to and from school. He is basically taking care of me now. I want him to pay for what he did and suffer I even make him wash my underwear and hang it. I am so angry because I allowed him to abuse me and because he knows I will not pay any charges on him , he knows I feel sorry for him.
What can I do to make him pay for what he did to me?
He promised to replace my window for my car that he broke.
He promised to seek professional help to see a physcologist but he hasn’t made an appointment yet. I made an appointment for my son for counseling and am booked off sick from work until May. I missed out on working public holidays for extra cash and I am missing out on working night shifts for extra income because I am off sick. I want him to pay for what he did to me and I feel like everytime I asked him if he made an appointment to seek professional help , he is always making excuses.
I asked him why he act the way he does and he said when his father passed away in 2010 he got so angry and he was attending the sessions with the psychologist and he finished his sessions. Please help me , I want him to pay for his mistake and learn from them.
On this day, we still staying together in my place and he is helping me with my son to take him to school and fetch him after school. He is assisting with the house chores but he is not an affectionate guy he doesn’t touch nor hold or cuddle I’ve accepted that with him and I do it to him when I feel like.
We both work for Police Department and I would not like to see him behind bars and lose his job that is not my wish for him.
I know the consequences of Domestic Violence especially at our work. I want him to get help but once I am healed I am thinking of ending things for good with him.I tried before to end our relationship when I saw the abuse the 1st time but he refused to be dumped.I tried so many times and everytime I try to leave him he will hit me.
He claims he loves me and he said he even left his own place to be with me , he is jealous and I’m starting to think he is obsessed with me.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Everything you discuss with the advocate is private, confidential and protected, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court in case there is a court process.
 
Yesterday I called 911 because of chest pain ; I had a panic attack. My fiancé called off our engagement. We waited for the ambulance for about 20 minutes. My pain started to decrease so I called them off. But police still came. And they questions us. I told them we had a argument and they classified it as domestic violence. Why? My fiancé has never done anything to me in that way ; physically or emotionally. How can I take it off? Please help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
How do I get evidence on my parent’s abuse? They take any phone I get ahold of to record evidence, and most of the time they don’t leave severe marks on me. They’re also really mentally abusive. They lock me in the house. At our old house, we had alarms on every door and window, and every window was nailed shut. I couldn’t leave unless it was to school. My parents also call me fat, they use food as a discipline, and I’ve been held under big recliner chairs and couldn’t get out from under it because my step-dad was holding it down on me. I don’t know what to do because every time I report it they say I don’t have enough evidence, and my parents always say that I’m a liar that there’s “no proof.” I don’t know what to do. I know they have old videos somewhere of them getting in a physical fight with me. But they use those as “proof” that I am physically abusive, but I don’t know if they’ve deleted it or not. And my parents have had (some how) joint custody of me with DHS. They said that they couldn’t take care of me! So they “gave me up.” But they wanted to have joint custody so they could control what happened to me and where I would go. They said that they didn’t want me to have priveledges. They said I needed to be somewhere where I wasn’t allowed to do anything except go to school. So I ended up In “Creekside Shelter” in Roseburg Oregon… And DHS recently sent me to a group home in Kansas City for families that have been broken, and it’s not helping, because every time I go home for a “visit” I get mentally and physically abused and treated wrong, and since I’m in this program, they don’t allow us to have our phones or anything and I’ve reported these things, but they really can’t do much. :( I don’t know what to do, please help! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. What you are going through is very scary and you needs as much support as you could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. To find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or give the National Domestic Violence hotline a call at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
 

My brother has always had a temper. He blows up at the littlest things and blames my parents for basically everything. One time during an argument he said my mom blamed her having cancer on him. Still the main point is that he has set fire to this bridge once he bought his new house with his fiance. We do not like her because she dose not pick up a dish, help out or even pretend to be in a good mood. At one point she told my mom to “grow up” and my mom then got mad and told her she was the parent and not to disrespect elders. Well she tattled on my mom to my brother and he went nuts on my mom. Shouting all these things to her that come from nowhere, when he gets like this nothing can calm him down. Here’s my problem, I was talking to the fiance and she told me how he blows up, should get help, that the group therapist told her to avoid predatory people like my brother. She then asked if I can keep a secret secret. I say yeah and the yellow and green bruise that she claimed was from “yard work” was him. They got into a fight about ant traps and how he kept asking where to put them. She didn’t care and he got upset and punched her leg. That bruise that my mom told her to get x-rayed because it may be broken was from him. I am angry at him, angry at her for staying with him, and angry at myself for not warning her enough. I told her my brother had that mean side from the beginning. It wasn’t enough, he is so cheap that he doesn’t want to get help unless it’s free. I am afraid his free anger management may be from jail. He hasn’t hit their dog. He has put holes in the wall from when he lived with us. Cut up shirts mom got him just to get back at her. What do I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions, you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line 916.264.5471.
 
I caught my boyfriend a few times talking to his ex on social media and I forgave him because I loved him and thought this was the last time. In 2017 he punched across the face as I laid down next to baby to breastfeed him. I was upset that he wasn’t up waiting for me knowing how late it was getting. All he had to do was hug me and I would have been but instead, he turns his back on me and ignores me. This gets me very upset and I start to yell that he doesn’t care about me. He threatens to punch me, I tell him to do it and he does. He was arrested and taken to jail. His parents and his sister started yelling at me telling me I was a piece of shit for doing what I did. I didn’t sleep that night. The second incident happened on April 5th, 2019. He grabbed my laptop and smashed it because I refused to give him a ride to do some errands. My two-year-old witnessed the whole thing. I called the police and was arrested yet again. I spoke to him after 3 weeks and all he had to say was that if I want to continue talking to him that I better take off the restraining order and that he was going to pay child support. All I saw in him was pure rage/anger. Throughout our relationship, he said I sucked at pretty much anything I set my mind to. Why did he do this? My kids got stuck in the middle of all of this and that makes me feel terrible. I don’t have any intentions of taking off the restraining order and is once again email his ex through social media and I’m guessing they text as well. He contacted her immediately a day later after he was released from jail. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
So I have a question. Or more like I need to take something off my head. I’ve been taking online classes and got a job in selling phones a few months ago. Well anyway, while I was at my job selling phones, for some weird reason. I start panicking, and start trembling, my hands start trembling. It was so bad that I went back home and told my mom that I have some weird sort of panicky attack. I was so upset I acted that way that I started crying to her. And I was so glad she was listening, everything was okay. I decided to not go to work and my father comes to me. Trying to be “nice” or something. And continues on bothering about my anxiety of other people and that it was ridiculous to be afraid of talking to other people. I just kept quite because there was no point on saying anything. And he keeps on saying how is not his fault this is happening, but never in my head I though it was his Fault until he points it out. Now that I’m thinking about, he is always gets upsets for the most slightly things. Sometimes if I don’t talk like a robot or show fear than I’m being disrespectful. Every-time he slap me in the face he would say it’s because of my attitude. Which I never understood, so I was always extremely careful with my word when I go out in the world. Because he said that’s what would happen if I go to the world. So I was really scare to speak in general in public.. Specially if I speak my own Mind, my voice would break. Jesus, when have ever sound like myself. I’m always so submissive to other people that I think they can do whatever they want with me. I’m always so shy, and I hate this behavior because I feel like I’m not being myself, you know? And then he comes to my face and tells me how this issue I have with panicking attacks, it’s just an excuse to be a victim. I DON’T WANT TO BE A VICTIM, I WANT TO LIVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. And I’m so angry, so so angry. Because he is always this egotistical jerk, he would slap my face and then goes to my mom soon as he slap my face and tells her how funny my face was when he slap my face. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES That?? And then he has the guts to say to my face that I’m just trying to play the victim and that this is just in my head, and that I shouldn’t get into it too much. That this is not real at all! Back at that time I was like “maybe he is right, maybe is All in my head and is not real!” Well that was a lie apparently, because I’m still trying to deal with it. I’m still terrified to look people in the eyes and it’s fuckinh killing me!!! I don’t want to be like that! I want to be able to connect with people, to meet new great people, to go out and live and not be bother by others. To not be bloody stupid!
But now I’m self-aware that I’m now stuck in my house. I don’t go out at all, only to walk but to meet people. Then I got Better on talking, I got into classes that help me in communication skills. And social skills. I’m startint to get better but because of college. I’m usually at home, stuck. And this means I get to think a lot. I’m being thinking to much lately. And I being noticing that I have let my father dictate my behavior and life my whole life. And it feels like I’m lying to myself! Like I’m not able to express myself! So I don’t know what to do, but what thing I know is that i need to live this place. I can’t stand that man, Richard, I can’t stand him. And I know people might say “oh but he is you father!” But no I refuse to call father to someone who makes me so emotionally exhausted. Right now I’m trying to get a psychologist. And be knows that, he mess up my papers. So I have to do a whole process again before I get to a psychologist. I want to get a job, but I’m afraid! The last one I have didn’t go so well. And I have been taking communication skills classes, and I suppose to go to a speech club but I never wanna go because I’m Scare. And I have sooo many things to do! And I need guidance I really really need guidance!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
I was physically assaulted with fists, kicked , chocked, strangled, dragged on the floor by my boyfriend as a results I sustained a broken ankle on the left foot, bruises, blue eye on my face, 2 left ribs broken and 1 right cracked. Now when I’m passing stools there’s only blood and when I’m wiping there’s blood clots. What could be the problem ? I googled and found out that the Spleen could be damaged !!! Could that be a problem or something else , I don’t have piles Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your boyfriend, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
Why do I fight back it just makes things worse.He calls me names tells me I am uhly stupid not to talk I am isolated haowove no one.I do not know why he hates me.I do everything we are not a couple he would rather watch porn than be with me Wich is fine..Help me diffuse him when everything I do is wrong. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
So right now my parents are right over custody because my mom had recently found out my dad was abusing us and he had just recently threatened to kill us and my mom. The case for abuse got put down because I seemed unsure and we had no evidence and I had no broken bones. Will they do anything if I tell the Couselor or my school Officer? Even if I have no evidence because I was too scared to record and me and my brother were trembling in fear. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment  with your family. School personnel are mandated reporters of child abuse and child neglect. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect yourself and your brother, their number is 916.875.5437. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
So I dated my ex boyfriend for 6 months. During those 6 months he would get angry if I liked another guys picture and he would call me almost 30 times as I was driving to my first day of work. Also when he gets frustrated he grabs my leg and pulls the car door shut to keep me from getting out of the car. The other night he got mad at me for not hanging out with him and “ditching him” so he drove to my house I got in the car and he yelled at me about everything I’m doing wrong. When I wanted to leave the car he started to drive. He asked me if I still wanted to be with him and I said no. He then said twice that I’m going to make him commit suicide. I wanted to get out of the car and go inside my house but he started to drive and he asked me to punch him. I of course didn’t and then he punched himself twice in the face. I haven’t talked to him in a few days… and when I did he blamed his emotional outburst on his car expenses and his issues at his job. He said that the asking me to punch him was a joke. But it was scary. He says I nitpick him- but I don’t… he has lost a lot of weight mostly wears sweats so I just say that we should go shopping for new clothes and get matching outfits, I don’t say it mailiciously Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
 
How do you heal from an abusive relationship? How do I forgive myself for the mistakes that I made? I dated someone for four years. In the beginning it began with name calling and ignoring me. I had moved to a new town to go to college and he was one of the only people that I knew. I continued chasing him down and begging him to stay with me. We broke up and got back together several times. After about the first year together I went to his house to obtain my belongings that I had left their and I got down on my hands and knees to beg him to stay with me. He began choking me out on his living room floor and afterwards he threatened to call the police on me. I did not talk to him for three months afterwards and then we saw each other and got back together. Slowly it escalated to verbal abuse and then most recently physical violence again. We got in a fight the other day and he would not stop calling me names. So I tried to slap him and he beat me in the jaw while he was driving his car. Then when I went home and tried to talk about it with him he held me down in his bed and told me that he was going to kill me. I woke up the next morning and decided that I was going to leave. It was one of the hardest decisions that I ever made. Now he is ignoring me and will probably never talk to me ever again and I feel guilty about the whole situation like I contributed somehow. I really want an apology but I feel like I will never get it but I cannot seem to be at peace with the whole situation. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you to make the best choice that works for you and your daughter. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best for you. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916) 920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
 
So i have been living with my baby daddy who i use to date for about 6 years and he mentally sexually and physically abused me for 5 of those years has been abusive still throwing things at me yelling at me calling me names and punching things while our daughter is in the room my boyfriend trys to stand up to him sometimes and reacently he tried to take a knife to me but my curent boyfriend stepped in and got his hand cut up. me and my boyfriend and my 6 month old daughter are trying to get out but dpont really have anywhere to go. my boyfriend is going to job core soon but my mom wont let me stay with her and my father is homeless. my question is where can i go with my 6 month old daughter can i go to you guys or do you know of anywhere else that offers tmparary housing for a mother and infant. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

If I was charged with DV 1st if my step daughter is the one who help lie to get me put in jail what can I do because I really didn’t committee this crime but the law enforcement is the one who pushed it and it’s been 3 years almost.

I got a public defender but he works for the state a free lawyer how much would it cost to get a good lawyer

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear you are going though this right now. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If there is any other support you need, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I just need to vent. I am my aging husbands caretaker. He needs assistance getting dressed, getting using the restroom etc. He falls constantly because his legs have become weak. It is a frustrating situation for both of us. Lately he treats me like I don’t know how to care a wound he has on his ankle and repeatedly tells me what the nurse said about dressing the wound. I get upset because I feel he thinks I don’t know how to dress the wound. Tonight he called me a name, something he never does and told me to get away from him because he doesn’t want to hit me, again something he never does. He is almost 73 and his outbursts are increasing. Could he be getting dementia? My first instinct is to get as far away from him as possible but then reason takes over. I can’t leave him. Who would care of him? 
Besides this is my home too and I have no money to move. Second our family would never forgive me if I left him. I am hurt by the name calling and threat of physical abuse. I just don’t know what to do. Can you give me advice. I need to hear a voice of reason. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we appreciate your strength and courage. Being a caregiver to someone you love and have devoted your life to is an immense burden, and at time a thankless, endless task. Our agency provides support in the areas of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking in Sacramento County, so it is difficult for us to answer your question relating to him possibly having dementia as an explanation for recent behavior changes. However, we would like to encourage you to reach out to his primary care doctor and see if they could provide you that assessment because it could very well be a possibility. We understand how difficult and upsetting this situation must be for you, and we also feel like our instinct reaction to those threats and that amount of constant stress would be to run away as well! You need more support, and reaching out to his doctor would be a great first step. We are here for you, and if you need more resources within your community please call 916.920.2952. 
My boyfriend and I are both college students. He’s not physically abusive necessarily but he restrains me, holds me down, pulls my hair, and has squeezed me so tight that I’m in pain. He does this whenever we get into a fight and I try to leave. It’s almost always when we’re intoxicated, only twice when we’re sober. The other day someone saw everything that happened and reported him to the police for assault and disorderly conduct. We go to a small school and I’m terrified of going to class tomorrow knowing everyone knows. He is the most charismatic person I know and he tells everyone I’m crazy and making this stuff up. The police went to multiple of our friends houses looking for him and I’m so ashamed because I never called the cops nor did I want any of this to happen. He’s never hurt me bad enough to where I feel like people should know or that I’ve felt like my life was in danger. I am scared of him when he gets like this but I don’t want to break up either. I also feel like I can’t say that I’m being abused when it’s not like I’ve been hit or anything. The worst fight we ever got in he shoved me on the tile and I had a huge bruise on my leg. He laughed at me while I cried on the ground I can’t get that picture out of my head.[Edited for Content] Dear Reader, Thank you for contacting WEAVE for advice. We want to first let you now that we define physical abuse as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and information line where we would like to offer you confidential support and information regarding what you are experiencing. Our number is 916-920-2952.  We commend you for reaching out and hope to speak with you soon.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with Bipolar PTSD after we started dating and only after I noticed he had bouts of anger and aggression and violence, bullying and irrational mood swings well after he moved. He was diagnosed and is good about taking his meds but still has substantial bouts of mania and abuse that has spanned four years. I had to call the police on him recently because I had enough. He is better but still has defined manic points and acts like he is entitled to being in our home and free to act as he likes because “he lives there”. He was in a manic tailspin today because his bus was late and when he got home he tried to practically bang the door down and rip the door handle off because he wanted me to let him in (power play….he had his keys)
I opened the door part way and he tried to push through and I held the door and told him “you are welcome to come in but you are not going to act that way and you can knock on the door politely and do the right thing….else you can stay outside!” He lashed out and tried to grab my throat and I pushed him out the door and closed and locked it….told him until he can calm down he is not coming In the house…he is far too much a risk and my first priority is to protect this home…..I have given him EVERY opportunity, ever positive affirmation….even say his Pot outside so he can smoke and calm down (ALWAYS helps) but he refused every single effort and just maintained his abusive behavior….it has been four hours….I refuse to let someone into my house that is a threat….he keeps saying I am breaking the law…..I don’t think I am. Any help with the legality around this???
I have months of recordings of him being abusive, a TPO ready to go, a lawyer in case I have to terminate our lease quickly, and the ability to cut off his phone and all other things in my name at a moments notice should it be required.
Any help would be appreciated!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
 
When I ask my boyfriend to cuddle. Get gets verbally abusive. I ask can you cuddle me I’m cold and ge say something please leave me alone. So I say that’s a no right ? And he says use your fucking brain.then goes to sleep. We play around tickling and teasing each other and then he says stop and hits me hard. Then me being me and being a smart ass I say hit me harder since that’s what you like. He hits me three times and bruises the whole back of my arm. Another time, he says stop play fighting and I start to turn around and he slaps me. I turn around and cry and he rubs my feet. Then he goes to sleep after. I’m confused. Stressed. Hurt. Is this abuse Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799.SAFE (7233).
My husband and I are separated since April of 2017. He tried to start a fight with me and he had my computer over his head when my daughter came in and tried to protect me. During this I called the police but I blanked out during their struggle due to trauma and I couldn’t remember that short space of time. I recalled it later he was trying to break my daughter’s neck like you see on television. My husband lied to the police and they were of no help. They arrested my daughter. I was the only witness and gave a statement to the State’s Attorney, but at the time I had not remembered him trying to break her neck. It is 2019 is it too late for him to be arrested for attempted murder? I’m in FL. I didn’t remember this until later in 2018 but I thought it was probably too late and I didn’t want to put my daughter back through it. He also took the day off during the week. I believe he set us up. Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224 for referrals in your community.
 
 My dad came in trying to argue with me, i started to cry so i left the room, he followed me and kept telling me that i was wrong and i’m a child so i can’t have an opinion, when i told him to leave because we were both just arguing and upsetting each other he took my phone and then told me to get into the corner. i said no because he’s never disciplined me before this, i’ve always had to deal with my abusive mom-more mental abuse than physical. he first hit my head and then grabbed my wrist and dragged me off the couch, then he hit me again and grabbed my legs. he kept doing this and saying how badly he wanted to hurt me. is this my fault because i disobeyed him? my wrist is swollen rn and hurts a lot, he usually doesn’t do this often. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. What you have experienced with your father is defined as child physical and verbal abuse. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue regarding your father further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult to get involved in the situation might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful as well because crisis counselors can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!
 
My daughter has a live-in boyfriend that she’s been with off and on for 16 years and he has mental issues but refuses to take his medication, he went to the mental ward recently but they released him the next morning. He has threatened her life and his own and has said that he’s going to leave but he never does and my daughter has told him go ahead and leave and she wants him to leave very much so but he never does and he gets a Social Security check every month and pays just a little bit of rent, but she is very unhappy and wants him gone very much but he refuses to leave and he is also controlling. So legally what can she do to make him leave and stay away? She has a lease on the house she is renting that is not ending till the end of December but she pays for everything mostly. She has her little niece and nephew with her that she is raising also she lives in Texas. Thank you for contacting WEAVE on behalf of your daughter, we are so sorry that she is going through this and can only imagine how upsetting it must be for your family. To see someone we love go through something like this is an incredibly powerless feeling but you are an amazing advocate for her and just by reaching out today you are helping her so much. Unfortunately our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA and we cannot answer legal questions outside of this area. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to agencies and resources in Texas that could answer the specific legal questions you have for your daughter’s situation. Perhaps they could also get her connected to a domestic violence-based agency that could provide her with supportive services and resources to help empower her in this situation. 

My boyfriend is also the father of my twins. Before we had the kids, he was okay just a little particular but I never really minded it. He never really did anything that I considered abusive or even scary. After the kids, he became a lot more on edge and yelled often enough, but I thought it was normal. He was just stressed cause we’re young (I’m now 25 and he’s about to be 28) but now the kids are three and yells at me every single day. He baites me into arguments and after I explode he tells me I need to control my anger. Every day he curses at me, yells at me, and complains about everything I do wrong every single day when he comes home from work. I’m a new stay at home mom because we can’t afford daycare even w both of us working and I don’t own a vehicle so I can’t drive. With that being said, I depend on him for most things I And our kids need and he always throws that in my face. “I do everything for you you do nothing for me” and when I bring up that’s its me that takes care of our kids (and one of them has special needs) he says “so what.” And when I tell him I don’t like how he speaks to me or treats me, he says “I can talk to anyone however I want. You need to stop having such thin skin.” I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be with him anymore but my family lives in another state and I have nothing and no one here. I don’t know if this is even abuse I just need advice.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and want to commend you on reaching out today. It is not easy to break the silence and to speak your truth, it takes tremendous courage and bravery. We want you to know that we hear you, we believe you, and you are not alone. We understand that you are struggling with understanding and identifying whether what you are experiencing within your relationship is abusive or not. Here is some information that could be helpful to you in understand what we describe and define domestic violence as. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All the feelings you have described, of feeling trapped and bated into arguments, all relate to these unhealthy aspects within your relationship. We want to reiterate to you that you are not alone, and you have support and options. And while we cannot tell you what to do within your relationship, we can empower you, support you, and provide you with helpful resources for whatever choice you decide to make. If you would like to know more about our services, speak to a crisis counselor, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

If the department of CPS gave custody to the father of my granddaughter and he got charged with PMFA and she was there wouldn’t it be that CPS has put my granddaughter In harms way what can I do about it to get them out of CPS custody because I’m worried about their well-being

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your family is going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Without having more information about your situation it is difficult for us to respond to such a specific legal question on this forum. However, we would like to refer you to our Legal Team who could provide more support in this area. Please call 916.319.4944, follow the prompt, and leave your legal question and our legal advocates will return your call promptly. Our legal advocates scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case is outside that scope please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can connect you to resources in your area. 
How can i escape being stalked and mentally sexualy and emotional torture ? I got kicked out of the shelter and the man who abused me is going thru all my journals reading my jounals and having people go thru all of my personal belongings . I wrote very private things that once they read them i am going to get retaliated against for writing about it . can someone please help me Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We’re very sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916-264-5471. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
My mom’s boyfriend is threatening me with beating me up when he gets back from work and I don’t know what to do I am 14 years old. My real dad passed away so I can’t reach him no more sadly. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916-264-5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800799-SAFE (7233).

As a man and father to my children about a year ago next month my ex assaulted me and my now girlfriend. My ex has a charge against us. She did not let me see my kids for almost a year I just seen them about 2 weeks ago but now she say of I don’t give her a phone number nor address I can not see my kids. Due to her no contact order do I have to give her my number and address to see my kids. All she does is harass me and my girlfriend.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your question regarding this situation, we are sorry that this is happening. If we understand your situation properly, you are asking whether or not you have to provide your personal information, like contact and location, to your ex who has a no-contact order against you? Do you have a custody agreement or are those related? We feel your question would be best answered by one of our Legal advocates. To connect with them, please leave your name, a safe-identified number, and your legal question at 916.319.4944, and our Legal Advocates will return your message promptly. If you need any further support, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have an ex I wanna report I don’t want him to know and he’s very scary I’m 17 n he’s 46 what do I do I need help I messaged the hotline they are not accepting any messages I guess and I need help I wanna put him where he belongs back to prison. I had a rough situation he said if I work for him he’ll give me a lot of money he’ll buy me things but then I got involved with him like love and he had me living with him every other day cause I didn’t live there permanently he would hit me when he thought I was staring at a guy he’ll hurt me until he’ll get my phone from me he made problems he would make fake accounts and say I did this and that and I didn’t . I wanna report him help

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we want you to know that we are here to help you, you are not alone, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not okay for this person to be hurting you and make you work for money. We are sorry that you weren’t able to connect with us by messaging but we would like to ask you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as it is safe for you to do so. Please call us so we can help you with this, you are not alone. We can help support you in whatever action you want to take against him. 

Can I press charges against my husband who choked me 2 years ago

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this happened to you and can only imagine how upsetting this must be. Unfortunately without more information we cannot answer your question on this forum-forever, we would like to refer you to our Legal Team who will be able to answer it. To connect with our Legal Advocates please call our Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly. They’re scope of practice is Sacramento County, so if you need legal support outside of Sacramento County please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get connected to services and resources in your area. 
My mother was instigating my son (who is 11 and 63 lbs soaking wet) he tried to walk away, she kept after him. He pointed a finger at her to say you need to stop she tried to bite his finger (she says she was playing) he swiped his hand back and worth so she wouldn’t bite him, and clipped her nose. She then proceeded to tell him she was going to ‘deck’ him, then came up to me and screamed at me said I don’t want him near me and said she’d again ‘deck’ him. All while I had company and my friend heard her say this. They are living for free in a camper on our property. They’ve been here since The beginning of January and the camper is still not registered and inspected or insured… I want them gone now, my husband says let’s give them 2 weeks. They pay nothing to be here, no rent, electricity, no water or internet. They still have no money (they get a pension, social security and my mom gets disability) and they have no money ever, constantly asking for money from me. How do I handle this situation, because I’m struggling to keep it together. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
 

I have an ex who was sexually and physically and financially abusive. He grew up in gangs and has a family member in the dmv to track down people who don’t pay. I know hes had dropped assault charges. And I’m scared because he threatened my family when I left. He wouldn’t have to lift a finger even in jail. I’m not sure what to do because i would never be able to have an apartment job or car or get married and him not knowing and possibly hurting me. What am I supposed to know if I only know the guys nickname.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how scary this must be for you and we want you to know that we are here to support you. We have lots of services that could be helpful for you in this situation, such as Counseling, Legal, Advocacy & Accompaniment, Emergency Shelter, and many more, and if it’s not a service we offer than we will definitely have a resource for with within the community. Based on what you shared here, it is unclear what kind of support you are looking for specifically, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 so we can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources and connection to supportive services. 

My sister just found out that her boyfriend used to (6 years ago) beat his ex girlfriend/mother of his son. (We saw 5 different police reports with dates, etc) My sister is 10 weeks pregnant with his child, obviously she never would have started a relationship with him if she had known of his past- he has never laid a hand on her, but this news makes her extremely uneasy and paranoid. What should she do?

Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your concerns today, we are so sorry that your sister is going through this and we appreciate you reaching out today on her behalf. This definitely is a difficult situation and not one your sister should have to be going through. We want her to know that she has options, and everything that happens next is entirely in her control. It is important that she feels safe, and if being with him is no longer something she feels safe in, then that is valid. Another option is she could try to process some of her feelings with a counselor that is trained in the field of domestic violence, or she could discuss this with her current partner directly if she feels safe to do so. She has many options and we want to help support in any way that we can. If she is interested in discussing what she is going through with a counselor, please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My Sister Husband punch her in the head and Jaw she had a concussion, there is a standing criminal order in place. He is reaching out to her neighbor getting all of her whereabouts. P.O. gave him a gps monitor so he can come into the city where she is but when he is off of probation he will track her down, he never return keys we change lock to apartment but he does have key to get inside of the building what can we do? she needs help in finding another apartment to live where he can’t find her

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your sister is going through this and we commend you on being an amazing advocate for her and trying to help get her support. We would love to help her with this issue, and there are many services that come to mind that could be helpful for her in her situation. We do not have apartment listings in our resource guide but we do have many resources surrounding both emergency and transitional shelters that could be helpful to her in this situation. Please encourage her to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can speak to a crisis counselor about her situation, get connected to our services as well as other resources within the community.

Does anyone know if you live in Pennsylvania if your husband abuses our dog is this domestic violence. He also broke my arm previously. He has bad anger issues and is making me scared.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this, and we are proud of you for reaching out today. It takes tremendous courage to reach out for support, and we recognize that. Unfortunately our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, so we cannot answer your question regarding domestic violence laws, but it definitely sounds like there are some unhealthy and violent occurrences within your relationship. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to an agency in your area. 

He never hit me. And it was years ago, when I was in high school (I’m in college now). I dated this guy who completely isolated me from my friends because they were “too goody-goody”. I would go to concerts with a guy friend and he would send me pictures of his self-harm. He would fake panic attacks so I would spend time with him. We had sex all the time, even when I didn’t really want to. He would constantly punch walls when we were fighting. He would send single letters in strings of texts so my phone would blow up with notifications. He smoked around me all time and escalated to other drugs even though I was visibly and verbally uncomfortable with being in that situation. I feel awful saying I was in an “abusive relationship” because he never hit me and so many women and men have been through worse. I also feel like I should be over it by now. I still have some self-harm scars from that time and I feel like that might contribute, but I still feel off.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your message today, we want you to know that we hear you, we see you, and you are not alone. The experiences that you went through in this past relationship matter, regardless of other people who may have had it “worse”. You cannot compare your experiences to others or else you will never validate your own and never allow yourself the space to heal from your trauma. WEAVE defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Most people don’t recognize that there are many different types of abuse, and all of them are as harmful as physical abuse, even if they don’t leave scars that people can see. Just from what you shared briefly in your message about some of the things you experienced within your relationship, you described many different and incredibly harmful forms of abuse. Is this something you ever talked to anyone about, like a therapist or counselor? If this is something you are interested in, we would love to help get you connected to the best resources in your community. Even if a lot of time has passed, that trauma could still be lingering under the surface, and it’s normal to have experiences that might trigger those memories and bring those feelings up. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and get connected to services. We are here to help you heal. 

My ex from India is blackmail me to send my nude photos to my family and friends.. What should I do? Pls help me..How can I report a blackmail?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding this situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. It is never okay for someone to threaten to blackmail you, and unfortunately that kind of behavior commonly relates back to the power and control dynamics in unhealthy relationships. Due to the specificity of your question we cannot answer it here on the message boards, however we would like to present you with a few options. You can contact your local law enforcement agency, (since blackmail is a crime and the response to that varies state by state), and see what their local response to blackmail is and what support they can provide you. We would encourage you to contact the non-emergency line for whatever law enforcement agency serves you, or just drop by the local station to speak to an officer in person. Or, if you are currently residing in Sacramento County, you can contact our legal department via the Legal Voicemail, 916.319.4944, leave you name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question/situation, and our Legal team will return your call within a few business days. Please know you are not alone, and we are here to support you. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor, or want to know more about our services, or other resources within your community, please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
He’s been violent with me sporadically for about two years. He’s spit in my face, punched me in the arms and on my spine, shut my arm in the car door, and drives recklessly with me in the passenger seat. He also hits himself to the point that he bleeds. Once when I tried to stop him, he punched me instead. 
He shows violence to no one else. In fact, I’ve seen another man beat him up, and despite being a blackbelt, he only wriggled away because he refuses to hurt another living creature. Except me…. 
He is kind, and gentle, and considerate all the time. He takes care of me, and puts my wants and needs first. 
The last beating happened when we ran out of gas on the highway, and i was sobbing and crying with the AAA rep on the phone. So he muted it, and began hitting me, and shoving my head into the seat (he pulled out some of my hair). I demanded he tell his therapist what happened. 
His therapist says there is no need to get him tested for autism, and the violence, as “frustrating as it is” is just a symptom of his fear to live as a functional adult in the world. When I asked what he said I should do to defend myself, the answer was this: 


“His rationale being that something *like* self-defense techniques or safe-words is only catering to the symptoms rather than fixing their origin(s). Which I know is über-frustrating to hear, and difficult to sign-off on considering everything.”


Am I just being paranoid because of how serious hitting women is usually taken? I love him, and think he loves me…but I’m so confused right now.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting this situation has been for you and we are here to help you. We want to make it clear that what you are experiencing is NOT okay, and your feelings on the matter are incredibly valid. You are not being paranoid. The key aspects to healthy relationships are healthy forms of communication, and the power and control being equally distributed within the relationship. It is when those aspects of power and control are skewed to one side that the relationship becomes unhealthy. Violence has no place in a healthy relationship. There is no excuse for violence. We fully recognize that people have their own history and “baggage” that they can bring to relationships, but if they cannot communicate or express themselves without becoming violent, then they are not in a healthy place to be in a relationship and have some of their own things they need to work on. What you are experiencing is called “domestic violence”. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, and you have options and support. If you would like to discuss your experiences further and know more about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have options, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you are loved and supported without being abused. 
A friend was adopted by a mother and father. Then, that mother and father got divorced. He was living with his father. But now, his father has been arrested for domestic violence (son thinks the stepmom lied about it) and sent to jail. Who has the legal parental rights of the son now that the dad is in jail, the mother (who lives 2 hours away) or the grandfather (who the son and father were living with)? Also, In PA, can a child visit a parent in jail if the charges are domestic violence? The son believes in his father and would like to see him. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that your friend experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
I tried to get a restraining order on my husband but the police didn’t give it to me because he didn’t physically abuse me. He is very mentally and verbally abusive. Now he is calling kids names. I am sure if the police ask kids or him he would deny and the kids will probably go along with his lies. Constantly nags for hours and when he goes outside for ciggerrette he nags and complains about me or kids to himself ( full blown conversation). He will sit there and call me names talking to himself he thinks he’s not crazy. He refuses to leave house says get a divorce knowing that It will take a while to file knowing he pissed through my savings I had before I met him. Constantly calls me fat says kill myself talks about my past and my first husband that died like he knows him or my past. What can I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  If you live in the Sacramento area we encourage to contact Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center at 916-875-HOPE (4673) for information about Restraining orders. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask about options or you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to more resources. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 

I don’t live in the area but I feel more comfortable discussing this through a platform like this. You might still have insight that is helpful. I have a 19 month old daughter, her father and I split when she was 5 weeks old. This split happened a week after he got drunk and went into a rage. He pushed me while I held our baby, then held my face and screamed preventing me from moving away, I was holding our baby the whole time. He then followed me through the house and attempted to kick down a locked door and then proceeded to grab my face and threaten me, again with our child in my arms. The whole relationship was emotionally abusive. A year prior to this incident he slapped/pushed/hit me and I fought back. I didn’t file a report when the incident when my child happened because I was scared of retaliation and trauma bonded to him so deeply. He reported his anger was due to PTSD from being deployed (which I now know he never was). He has an extensive history of anger and lying. We share custody of my child and I’m worried bout the potential of his anger becoming explosive (if not towards her) in front of her. Basically my question is since I didn’t file a police report when it occurred and he’s been a part of our child’s life (I only allowed this because he said he was in counseling) can it even be seen as valid? I have recorded phone calls, texts, and emails of him admitting to the incident. We even went to co-parenting counseling and I tried to talk about it, my ex admitted it, and the counselor said “we don’t need to go into the details”. I felt so invisible in that moment. That the trauma and abuse I faced was brushed off by a professional that is supposed to report such things and protect me. If I spoke to an advocate and they were in court with me (if that occurs) would that be beneficial even if there is no police report?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. If you live outside of Northern California, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal and counseling resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
 my mother is in a toxic relationship with a smoking alcoholic. He drives drunk and is a belligerent when in public and just is not a safe person. But what is worse it was he does at home. He starts fights with my younger sister and forces me to “box” with him or hit him to prove he is “hardcore”. So my question is how do i go about bring law enforcement into this? What do I say when I call the police on him? And what can I charge him with? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. This form of domestic violence that it seems you are experiencing is called family violence. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life and you believe he can commit a crime against you we advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
I have a friend that wants to leave her boyfriend and he wont let her leave i live in oklahoma wjat can she do Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your friend is experiencing that with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, domestic violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser or is in constant denial of experiencing domestic violence. You have been a great friend to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your friend unless she is ready to leave him and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support and not shame her. If they are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services. If they live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state, they may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in their community.
My boyfriend now ex beat me up really bad a month ago I have picture evidence and texts from him and his mom for evidence, is it too late to report ? I live in Sacramento Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal  – 916.920.2952.

My sister just left her now ex boyfriend a few days ago because he was very abusive (He even beat her while she was asleep with her 2 year old daughter beside her on the bed). She went to bible study yesterday around 7pm and we have not heard from her and her daughter since. We know he has them but we dont know what to do. We dont know if they are hurt, okay, dead, alive, or even still in town. He blocked our numbers and if we call from another number he hangs up the instant he realize its us. What should we do, I’m so worried?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you, and we are proud of you for reaching out today to support your sister. Do you know if your sister has ever contacted law enforcement regarding this situation? We would highly encourage  you to contact law enforcement in your area to ask them to do a welfare check to make sure she is safe and okay. If she has contacted law enforcement in the past they would have information regarding past incidents of domestic violence. We feel that would be the best, and most safe option to make sure she is safe and okay. Please contact us if you have any further concerns or want to know more about our services at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 

My daughter moved to New York with her boyfriend in December. He signed a contract with his parents to lease with option to buy a second home that they have. He is verbally and now becoming physically violent with her and continues to threaten to lock her out where she cannot get her stuff. Police have not been involved yet except for the time i seen the sheriff over there and i am in Arizona trying to mediate. He has now taken her key and says she has no right nor do i to enter the home to collect her belongs. Can he by New York law lock her out and obstruct her ability to collect her items so she can move out and come back to arizona with me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. Because we are based out of Sacramento in California, we are unsure of the laws in New York. For this reason, I would recommend that you reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for more specific resources to where your daughter is located.

My friend just busted my window out he a friend but he likes me should I call the police

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that this happened. Although we are unable to share what you should or shouldn’t do, if you are feeling unsafe, it would be beneficial to call law enforcement. Your safety is of utmost priority, and if you need additional support safety planning or other support please call the 24/7weave support line at 916.920.2952.

My significant other’s father “promised” to break my face in. While I was visiting my SO (he lives with them to help financially support them), what do I do if this happens again? Can I call the police if he threatens me in his home? how does this work if I live with my SO? He was verbally abusive, called me a “liberal bitch” a narrcassist, a psychopath. Never calls me by my actual name because my real name is Spanish, so he calls me Jonny even through I am a woman. Has also called me racial slurs.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this. As for steps that you could take moving forward, calling law enforcement if he threatens you could be a helpful thing to do. Due to the safety concerns, it may be helpful to consider other safe housing options that are available, or discussing with your significant other safer options. For additional support or information through this situation, please call our 24.7 support line. We can be reached at 916-920-2952.

im 16 and my mother is not in the picture but my father is abusive to my mental heth but never dose this to m 5 year old sister. i have a frends parents who would love have me live with them except my father is vey cotroling and i have no idea on how to get them the legal custady of me and live with them. how would i go about doing this with out CPS getting involved?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is not an easy thing to live in a home where there is abuse going on. Due to the legal aspect of your question, I would encourage you to reach out to the Family Justice Center for information; they can be reached at 916-875-4673. In addition to that, if you need additional support or information, there is also WEAVE’s support line which is 24.7 at 916-920-2952.

Who can I turn to to help me with attorney since there was fraud in my divorce case. I’m an older woman now with diagnosis of cancer. And my husband was ordered to restore my spousal military benefits he diverted to his ex-wife and was arrested in divorce court and got out of jail as indigent, even though he makes over 15,000 a month in government retirement. And we’ve been married since 2004, and are currently in a pending divorce case here in Georgia. Legal aid will not take my case as they said they heard of my case I assume, his attorneys or my attorney contacted them… [edited for content] A fraudulently entered final order in a divorce matter and recovering government benefits that were ordered as a part of the pending divorce case. It’s my health has been irreversibly compromised, because I never received my spousal military benefits that were diverted to my husband’s ex-wife of only 3 years my entire marriage and she is still receiving my benefits in perfect health. Would someone please represent me in Georgia, the home foreclosed that he was ordered to pay the last thing that was put in was by the judge a few months ago and with my health and the Foreclosure of our home of 10 years I put in a motion to transfer and I need help completing the transfer, income deduction, contempt (the restoration of my benefits ordered etc. ) And the legal final decree.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we understand how upsetting it must be. We want you to know that you are not alone, and we hope that we can help get you connected to resources that would be most supportive for you. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. We hope that these will help you get connected to the best services in your area. 

my husband put lying order protection on me can I file iied claim on him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, without knowing more information about your situation we assess your situation and provide you with the support you need. But based on the nature of your question, we would like to refer you to our legal team who may be able to provide you further support. Please call the Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call within a few short business days. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case resides outside of Sacramento County or you would like further support or resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I am 1 year post strangulation….Now, I have a problem with the word strangulation. My x husband jumped on my back while I was bent over in the closet by the front door. He was screaming, Thats it!! This ends now! You end now! I am killing you and you will never walk out of this house again alive. I 100% believed he would be successful. I am disabled and at the time I used a walker to get everywhere. Trying to fight back someone that is so much stronger and having an adrenaline rush wasn’t going to work. He is 17 years in Military and trained in hand to hand combat. Me, however, am not. I kept trying to scream for my neighbors and realizing nobody can hear me, I ran to the couch and grabbed my phone I dialed 911 but misdialed because I started screaming at him I pushed to make any sound come out I was yelling OUT!! Get OUT NOW!!! He couldn’t understand the words but understood my aggressive manner. I was pointing and yelling at the open door and he ran out with the gun in his hand. I dial 911, they can’t hear me. The police arrived and swept the house I had to write for them to understand he left in a vehicle with a loaded gun. Anyways, he was charged with 2 felonies one being domestic assault with strangulation and 2 misdemeanors….anyways because of his military status, He qualified to be in Veterans court. NOBODY from the prosecutor’s office would ever even explain what the heck veterans court is. I just figured it meant that the cause must be getting moved to the military base instead. Well my guess was wrong, and after 4 months of asking everyone and nobody knew what it was a bunch of elderly vets showed up in the hallway before a courtdate of ours. My mom and I began to talk to them and they were the ones that explained that they mentor soldiers and veterans for 1 year. if they pass the program his charges went from 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors to then 1 misdemeanor instead. Just sickening. And the FEMALE JUDGE even said in court in front of the 40 veterans in the court room that my x had no restriction in her jurisdiction to carry a GUN!!!!! She had just congratulated him on getting into Veteran’s Court and charged him with 1 misdemeanor domestic assault with strangulation. ridiculous. Anyways, I don’t understand why I am being lumped into a category of strangulation when he was clearly intent on breaking my spinal cord more so than cutting off my airway. Why is there no other word to describe that move the snapping of someone’s neck (similar to chiropractic) but intentionally used to kill me. Does anyone know what that move is called? Clearly its not strangulation, though there was a few times he did that when repositioning behind me. Any help is much appreciated…I of course got and OFP for 2 years for me and the 3 kids. They were sleeping at their grandma’s house when this happened so I was so glad they didn’t hear it or see it. He and his lawyer insisted I make the OFP be temporary instead of permanent. I still don’t even understand what the heck that means. Thanks again in advance of any help. [Edited for length and content.] Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. According to Law for Veterans, Veterans Court is “a collaborative process that includes the prosecutor, defense counsel, Judge, the Department of Veteran Affairs and other community based support organizations… to rehabilitate and restore veterans as active, contributing members of their community… [by] creates and supervises treatment plans to address the underlying causes of the veterans behavior.” You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
 

my husband had hit me and I’m currently 3 months pregnant & he was arrested. His visa is expired I was wondering if he could get deported for this type of crime & if I will be informed if he is, with a baby on the way I’m a little concerned about this.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we are so sorry that this is happening. We understand that you have concerns surrounding the possibility of your husband getting deported due to getting arrested. Unfortunately we cannot answer that question on our message board due to the specificity of it, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. To leave a message with our legal team, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly within a few business days. We also have resources to other agencies within the community that specialize in these types of issues, if you would like more information and access to these resources, please call 916.920.2952 to discuss this further with a crisis counselor. 

Hi, I confronted a man that has been making sexual comments and verbal aggression towards my girlfriend. I confronted him at his work and now they wanna press charges. No violence happened. But now he is telling her that the only reason she has a job is cause of him and still makes it seem like if she doesn’t side with him that he will press charges and jeopardize her future job. What can I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this happened and we can imagine how frustrating the situation is. Unfortunately at this point it sounds like since your girlfriend is the one who is experiencing the continued harassment at her place of work, the resulting action will have to come from her. Is there an HR department at her place of employment where she could file a harassment complaint against him? That would be the best avenue to start with since all of this is occurring at work and regarding her work status. If you need any further support in this, please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My Husband and I argued and he came up in my face. I panicked, pushed him away with one hand and slapped his arm with the other. He picked a knife off the kitchen side and held it towards me. I ran and hid outside for a few hours until he had gone to bed. He had been drinking, I hadn’t. This morning, he said he was going to the police cos I had hit him. I am worried I will get into trouble. Should I go to the police first and tell them what I did.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this happened to you and we can only imagine what you are feeling. We understand that you would have concerns about contacting law enforcement regarding this situation, but we also want you to know that you have options and you have rights. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It sounds like he may be using the threat of involving law enforcement as one to control you, but you were acting in self-defense. He became physically intimidating during an argument, and you have a history of abuse within your relationship. His response to you slapping his arm and pushing him to get away from him was to grab a knife. The right to involve law enforcement is completely your choice, but we want you to know that we are here to support you if you choose to do so. We have advocates who could provide you emotional support during a law enforcement interview and get you connected to our services. If that is something you are interested in, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on how to access those services. 
I am being abused emotionally by my husband and it is very stressful for me because, I am severely and painfully crippled (in wheelchair). I feel like a prisoner in my home. He screams at me constantly and limits what I can say to him. He is angry all the time without cause. I was a very hard worker in the home until I became disabled and now he seems to resent me. I try to do as much as possible in the home, but I am in great physical pain and it is hard. Now I am in great emotionally pain as my husband seems to resent that he is my caregiver. He also has had a decline in his health, which is not helping the situation. I can not call a hotline. He is always nearby and my room does not have a door. Just a curtain. I tried the domestic violence hot line last week and was cut off several times. They take over a half hour to come on which makes it hard to know when to try to reach them. The first person was empathetic, but the last one seemed to imply I was at fault. I almost had the feeling I was conversing with a man the way they spoke to me. I told my visiting nurse about this and he thought it was wrong what they said to me. So how do you know the qualifications of the person you are speaking with? Also, I would prefer to talk with a qualified person through an email as I don’t want him to hear me talk. I’m really just sad because I have no family close by and I don’t have any friends that come by. He does all the shopping. He does not take me out anymore as he has a bad hip and can no longer push my wheel chair. How can I stay positive in my situation? Also, I can’t tell others we know about how he treats me, as he has said he will tell them I am lying and that I am mentally ill.
 
Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224. Some options for online counseling that we found on the internet are BetterLyf (https://bit.ly/2TmY7NH), TalkSpace (https://www.talkspace.com/) and Better Help (https://www.betterhelp.com/online-counseling/).
 
what if j have physical and verbal violence from your boss
 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this. According to Occupational Safety and Health Act (OSHA), “Workplace violence is violence or the threat of violence against workers. It can occur at or outside the workplace and can range from threats and verbal abuse to physical assaults and homicide, one of the leading causes of job-related deaths… To file a complaint by phone, report an emergency, or get OSHA advice, assistance, or products, contact your nearest OSHA office under the “U.S. Department of Labor” listing in your phone book, or call [them] toll-free at (800) 321-OSHA (6742). The teletypewriter (TTY) number is (877) 889-5627.”
 
Defamation of character and revenge, I was lied to to my employer and it cost my job. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate on this message or resubmit a new one. If you would like to speak to an advocate, please reach out to our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.
I was physically acted by my blood sister about a month ago and just to give you some insight on what happen ..She wanted me to help her with some fraud scams on a man that she had frequently had gotten money from every week or two by sending him naught pics and text just to get an allowance of cash..She wanted me to help her steal 5000 dollors from his account..As I told her i wouldnt not be helping her I got up ro take a shower and I asked her could I use some of her hair products becuase i didnt not have any because I was visted for just one day to get some id back..She start to yell at me and getting really verbal with me ..I turned off the shower and told her to calm down and that I didnt want be yelled at like that ..Along story short she start saying that some things that I know would restore into a fight so I started to get my things together when this happen..Told her if she steals from this man that I will not only call the police and have them call them man but I will have her put in jail and she didnt like that so ran at me and attempted to grt my phone out my hands ..I told her to start and then she bite my finger which lead me to defend me person so would let my phone go ..as i am wrestling with my sister I clicked 5 times on my iphone to get automatic 911 call and i stated that my sister is attacking me after that bite my arm where it felt me no chocie but to let go of my phone where she maintained to get my phone and break it which disconnected me from the operator..at this point I run to the bathroom for protection but she was trying to get in the door which resulted into me get mazed ..after that i ran out the door for help
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that with your sister; We can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate.
 
I live in my boyfriend’s house for over 3 years now. We got into an argument where he is literally yelling and spitting at my face the whole time. Before that he pushed me. I told him quit spitting at my face while yelling at me. So I yelled back while spitting back and he slaps me leaving a black eye. Without thinking I slap him back for self defense. I am 4’11 to 5’ where he is 6’. He is bigger than me and kept putting his hands on me. He grabs me by sweater and hair and throws me around like a rag doll and drags me down the stairs straining my neck. I felt something crack while he dragged me down the stairs and he slapped me again. Do I have a right to defend myself in his house? This is not the first time he has put his hands on me. And this is the first time I have reacted to in self defense. I don’t understand how people can say they love you and care about you and do something wrong and believe it’s ok. Feeling lost. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother makes verbal remarks to me sometimes when we drink and he feels like guys are looking at me. The other night, he did this same thing so I left I had had enough and he kept yelling at me. He found me waiting near his car to leave and he was angry I made a big deal out of it called me ridiculous and asked why I didn’t pay the bill. I was so over him not acknowledging his actions and making me feel uncomfortable in large groups of people like that, that I slapped him. Later, we are at his house and he is still surprised I slapped him I had just felt ashamed and humiliated and his daughter tells me to leave. I told her the story but I get it you shouldn’t hit someone and she tells me to leave. I throw their ceramic cup at the wall and walk outside. I’m scared and lonely/sad. I should’ve called the hotline, or a friend. This is obviously a horrible relationship. Instead I panic and call 911. All I wanted was a mediator not charges. I didn’t know that you really shouldn’t call 911 to mediate.. and after they got our story I got arrested. I sat in jail for the night waiting to get bail thinking why this happened? He emotionally and verbally harassed me and I slapped him? I don’t know what he told the police. I have court soon, and he is confused as to why I called 911. He says in court he won’t press charges and I believe him in just worried that the DA will not see past anything and send me to jail. What do you think? I have evidence of past times he’s been insecure about guys (texts, etc). But I may have done the same to him on occasion? I know we both just want this to go away. I made the mistake of calling 911. And I was arrested? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
I have an order of protection against someone. He violated the order by talking to my sister, asking her to talk to me about dropping the order. He, or someone he’s friends with, has pretended to be his mother and begun sending me emails asking me to drop the order as well. I’ve called the police who said this was a violation and that they would file charges and have him arrested. How will I know if the police have followed through?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. For legal advice or resources, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or be connected to resources, we do offer a variety of counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My daughter has a 3 year PFA on her boyfriend due to emotional and physical abuse but 2 weeks ago he was threatening her on the phone that she can’t keep him away from her unborn child or her appointments so he showed up after her appointment and grab her and is forcing her to live with him what can I do to protect her and will she get into trouble if he is found on her property
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your daughter is experiencing that with her former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for her and you as well. According to http://www.pcadv.org/Learn-More/Domestic-Violence-Topics/Protection-From-Abuse/, A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order “gives protective ‘relief’ for a victim (and sometimes children) for up to three years.” Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916-319-4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If your daughter has not had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

If I’m in an abusive relationship and I take our pets (registered in my abuser’s name) and flee town, can I be arrested or sued?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question; due to legal aspect of this question, I would refer you to contact the Family Justice Center at 916-875-4673 for further clarification about what options you have. If you need any additional support, please contact us on our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952

My husband and I have heated loud and physical arguments on a weekly and sometimes daily schedule, around our 4 month baby. I’m scared that this is having a negative impact on her and that I’ve day these violent shouting matches will get our baby hurt. I ask him to lower his voice he gets louder on top of our baby. I want to leave this apartment with my daughter by I seriously fear him.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want to commend you on the courage and bravery it took to reach out and share your experiences, that is not something to be taken lightly and we are proud of you. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have our support. You are very insightful and aware, and a very good parent to recognize the negative impacts that this is having on your child. A young baby is much more susceptible to serious trauma being exposed to violence versus a toddler or even a young child that can impact their development negatively. It sounds like you are making efforts to decrease the fighting that occurs around your child, which is good. Please know we are here for you, and you have options. If you are wanting to get out of your situation, we have many supportive services that could be helpful to you, including a safe shelter program. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, we are here for you. 
My daughter went through a domestic violence situation with her boyfriend two and a half months ago. He was arrested for that and some other charges and is currently in jail. She is currently pregnant with his child. I need some answers to why my daughter wont face me or talj to me on the phone. Just an occasional text here and there. The night it occured she texted me to come and i did and stayed with her and her other children for several days. Right now she wont talk about what happened and seems to be avoiding me. We are normally very clise. Can someonw who has been through domestic violence please tell me why shes acting this way towards me. I cant find information anywhere else about this and its really bothering me. Is this normal behaivor for her after this trauma? How should i act or what can i do? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We can understand that the incident might have left you feeling unsettled and confused, and it’s understandable since it’s your child. We are sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse in her relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your daughter is enduring. Domestic violence can be extremely traumatizing and when ready to do so is processed differently for everyone. You have been a great mother to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your daughter unless she is ready to talk about it.  The best you can do is continue providing support in the best way you can. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about counseling services.

My husband and I were both charged with domestic violence we are not pressing charges against each other we just want to go forward and forget this terrible night ever existed we waved our rights for attorney did we do the right thing our bail was set at $40 and they only held us for 6 hours I’m going to live in Massachusetts

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Due to your question having a legal aspect, I would refer you to contact our legal department to seek guidance. WEAVE’s legal department can be reached at 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail line so when you call, leave a message and they should return the call as soon as possible.

In addition, it may also be helpful to reach out to Family Justice Center at 916-875-4673, they also have legal advocates and may be able to better support your with your needs.

If you need any other support or information, please contact our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I’m curious if this would be considered domestic violence …………I have 2 teen children 16 and 19 and I’ve lived with the same man for 17 years he has never been physically abusive to me but it seems to be emotional abuse and he has made me feel like I’m not good enough for him and my children have told me if I leave they will either stay here or move with their father because the man we live with is their uncle and he has made promises more times then not he has told me many times I’d have nothing if it wasn’t for him and if I leave I’d be on the streets and he’d make sure that if I live in this county I reside in he’d make my life hell I’d rather move to a different county and I’d hate to say it but if I take my kids they will tell him and his family where I am my son 19 has yelled at me and told me to leave shit the way it is and stop being such a cry baby ……my bf has made promises of marriage but yet he jumps when his wife calls and they have been separated for over 18 yrs way before we hooked up and when I bring it up he becomes verbally abusive and makes me feel like I’m crazy like I should just deal with how things are or just leave I know my case isn’t as bad as others but I still feel like I have no way out

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are going through this. We can only imagine how difficult this situation is, but we want you to know you are not alone. You started your question with concerns about the validity of what you are experiencing. We want you to know that we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Domestic violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. There are many factors and layers to your situation and it seems like you are not in a living situation where there are healthy relationships and forms of communication from all parties. Depending on where you are living, you may have access to resources that could help you get out of your situation, regardless of what your family wants you to believe. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 to get connected to resources in your area. 

Wife has what appears to be bi polar episodes. She goes from being sweet- needy- to worried- angry – saying violent things and often making violent gestures or minor whacks on me and children that are not directly related to the kids behavior, but more related to her personal preferences at the time…. Should I file a restraining order? If I file divorce she will turn it into a total wreck inflicting as much damage as possible on us. She is very smart and talks a lot. What should I do? [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this. Due to the escalating violence, I would recommend you reach out to the WEAVE Legal department to see what safe options are available in terms of filing for a restraining order or separation. They can be reached at 916-319-4944. In addition to that, WEAVE’s support line is available 24/7 for any support and information at 916-920-2952. We are here for you.

My ex husbands restraining order is up in a couple of months. We’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m afraid once it is up, he will begin to harass me again. Would he serve jail time if he did start up again as soon as it’s over? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are glad you reached out. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916-440-6797 or 916-319-4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Was being regularly hit by my ex-girlfriend 4 over a period of a couple of years and I was basically protecting her for a while and not even realizing I was being abused. Then I thought maybe if I tell her I’ll call the police maybe she would stop… No, then she insinuated if I called the police on her sheets scratch her face. And I quote why do you think I keep my nails so sharp. So I decided the best thing to do because we had a child with the start documenting things in recording things and she realized I was doing this. One day we get into a verbal argument and she runs outside with the baby screaming the top of her lungs please sir called I get arrested. Charges are dropped three days later because she didn’t show up and I believe she didn’t because she thought they might file charges against her for what I had been been recording. She basically kidnaps my son runs down to Florida and when I call CPS to find my son she claims I was abusing her the whole time and she needed to get away. Not only was I falsely arrested but my beautiful boy was taken from me. Now when I go into court for custody hearings they keep bringing up that incident even though all charges were dropped dismissed and expunged. Now the only thing I can do is file for paternity and parental time sharing. This is an absolute crime yet she navigated the system and one in every way. CPS looks at me like I’m the abuser and then the reality I was trying to get her to get help I didn’t want her to go to jail but she kept refusing or would say she would and then didn’t. No way to describe it other than the worst nightmare of my life
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this abuse with your ex-girlfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it must still be for you. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707.  If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
For about 2weeks now It hurts when I swallow, lose my breath when talking and if talking for more than a minute I start to lose my voice. Went to Dr and they found nothing and then I looked up all these symptoms and realized what it could be. It’s possible it might be Laryngeal Fracture. The reason why I think it could be that was because about a month ago my wife and had an argument and it lead to her putting her hands around my neck and started to strangle me. Only lasted about 2-3 seconds until I got away. I did not think any damage was caused at the time but it definitely scared me and I couldn’t breath for that limited amount of time. My question is will she get into trouble if I tell the Dr. What actually happened??

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your wife, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

Me and my fiance got in a fight and it got physical nothing bad but I called the police and now he has a felony domestic assault charge he should not be in trouble for us fighting I just got mad at the moment and called the cops we have a great life together 3 kids 2 of which lost their real mom last month to meth and we are very happy just got stupid whiskey drunk and got dumb from it what can I possibly do to help him get out of this and get our life peaceful again???????? I’m desperate!!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I started hitting him first because I was so angry. Since I wouldn’t stop he grabbed my hair and started pulling it. Then he started slamming my head against the counter and window. This was in a car. I wanted to report him but he said I would be the one to get in trouble because I started hitting him first. My question is does this count as domestic abuse on his part since he’s the man? Was it wrong for him to put fight back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this happened and we can understand how upsetting and confusing this must be for you. We want to make it abundantly clear that violence has no role in a healthy relationships. We understand that situations get escalated, emotions get heated, but the key to a healthy and successful relationship is communication. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. Not only women can be victims of domestic violence…men can also be victims. It sounds like within your relationship, both of you have issues communicating with each other in a healthy and effective way. If this is a relationship that you both are invested in, and would like to grow in, it could be beneficial to receive some support regarding communication and coping skills, such a counseling perhaps individually and then as a couple. However, if this is a relationship where you feel you both are getting into fights like this, then maybe it would be best to walk away. Please know you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to discuss this further or get connected to our services. 

I been married for almost 2 years and my wife has a son that’s 13 yrs olds and ever since we got together and married he has changed to worse. He smokes marijuana punches walls on our home and has pushed her mom and has kicked me. He is super aggressive tours everyone including police. He is trying to become a gang member and is doing every thing that’s is wrong. He don’t come back from school unless we call the police and report him as a run away kid. He has told police and a juvenile detention officer that he is going to do anything that will put him in Jail for life. He has no regret of what he does and I’m afraid he will hurt or kill someone soon..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you and your wife are going through this. This sounds like a very upsetting and frustrating situation. Without knowing more about the child’s history, such as any past trauma or reasoning for his recent change in behavior, we cannot provide a perfect assessment to explain his behavior. Of course it is normal for teen’s behavior to change but what you are describing sounds like an escalated and extreme situation. We would like to encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where we could discuss this situation further and also provide some resources that could be helpful, such as anger-management counseling. 
My ex-boyfriend was very emotionally and then physically abusive. I never reported it to the police out of fear that he would retaliate. It’s been about 2 years now, and I’m worried that he could still be looking for me, or even do this again to his next partner. Should I still report it? I think it’s past the statute of limitations, but I fee like it should be on record somewhere. What should I do? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your recent fight with your fiance. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your fiance might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate, please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

my soon to be ex husband got arrested last year for domestic abuse against me. I finally had the courage after 8 years of dealing with his abuse to call the cops and have him arrested. he got deported to mexico but came back two months later after his mistress smuggled him back into the country. He just got arrested again for domestic abuse against her and is in jail and will be deported again once he serves his sentence. my question is when I file for divorce will I be able to request full custody of my three girls and get his right terminated or will the court try to set up a visitation schedule once he is out of jail?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry that you are going through this and feel we have many services that could be helpful to you. We want to say that we are so proud of you for what you did to end the cycle of violence, we can only imagine how hard that was. It took tremendous courage and bravery. We would like to refer you to our legal advocates to answer your specific legal questions regarding divorce and child custody. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County. To get in contact with our legal advocates, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, your legal questions, and they will return your call within a few business days. For further information about our services, to speak to a crisis counselor, or get connected to resources in your community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My BF of 7 years was arrested for assault with a strike and had a no contact order until his court date. This was the worst case as it progressively got worse. However I feel guilty because it only happens when he drinks he doesn’t remember and is a marine vet. If charged he could lose his job. I didn’t get him arrested however since we can’t talk I feel like he hates me while I still want to be with him. How do I not feel this way? And should I drop the charge and go back with him?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your feelings and concerns, we can only imagine how confusing and upsetting this situation is for you and we want you to know you are not alone. We understand that you are struggling with legal circumstances out of your control and also your feelings for your bf. Without knowing more about the case and what you have been experiencing within your relationship it is hard for us to give you specific advice such as what to do regarding the charges. However, it sounds like there may have been some aspects of your relationship where he became abusive or abusive incidents occurred…if that is the case we want you to know that there is no excuse for violence. It is never ok for someone to hurt you, regardless if they are intoxicated or if they had a hard day at work or whatever excuse/reason. We want to remind you that you are not alone, and you have lots of support. To answer, “how do I not feel this way”, we feel it could be helpful for you to talk about your experiences with people who may have had similar experiences, and therefore find validation and community. Our agency offers both group and individual counseling for the issues of domestic violence, and you can learn more about those services by contacting our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My wife is epileptic, she had a dead piece of tissue that they removed that caused the seizures. she developed short term memory problems, manic episodes and extreme suspicion, paranoia and leaves recorders in the house and her parents house to see what we say about her. We recently had a little girl and i was hurt at work.
I am in litigation and we are loosing our home, she wont work, i cant work and she is seemingly trying to discredit me as a deadbeat now wants to take our baby and leave. She says because the baby is conceived in her, that its her child and not mine. I am not allowed to leave without her, i am constantly being accused of having a whore that i go to when she gets mad. Her Parents have turned their backs on us when they knew all this before i married her, and are running away from the problem. I have no clue what to do since she will call the police as she has before if i leave and reports me as a missing person.What do i do?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. This situation sounds incredibly upsetting and intense, but we want you to know that you are not alone. It sounds like your wife has gone to such extreme measures to not allow you to go where you choose and be supportive to your daughter. We want to support you in the best way possible and it sounds like you could benefit from utilizing some of our legal services. We offer legal workshops regarding the issues of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and others. If  you would like more information on these workshops or our other services or to get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you would like further legal support not regarding those issues, please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944. Please leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern, and our legal advocates will return your call within a few short business days. 

I have MS, my husband is my primary caregiver paid by the state we live in $2300 a month. Recently I found a video of me on the floor not breathing. The video lasted 4 mins my face was purple I looked posed like a frog. He says I fell off the bed n he tried 6 hrs to get me up then just gave out!! We were on a USAF base but he never called 911!! He didn’t intend me to see.. I have $400,000 in life insurance and just prior to this he was trying to get me to get more. I live in an extremely small town I took video to “MAYBERRY OFFICERS” they looked at me like I was crazy even though he has a prior DV conviction.. what kept me from dying my cat!!
Now same husband just walked off left cleaned out bank to the negative flew 2000 miles away to be with his online Whore.. he made no arrangements for me and I’m 100/% dependent on him is this not abuse!!


Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. This sounds like it may be under military jurisdiction and contacting the law enforcement on base may be an option. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal services– 916.920.2952.
I’m not sure how to say this, My domestic partner has been abusive to me for about 3 years now we lived together in the shelter about a year ago I tried to break up with him since then I’ve been with him until December I started trying to break up with him again and now I did get away from him got a restraining order and my problem is I am still in the shelter someone I’ve known for a very long time wanted to know how long before I can come into the shelter with a different person? I have my son with me in the shelter as well? Can I immediately just go back to path or is there a time period I must abide by before I can go into the shelter with someone else? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, we do not know the rules and regulations regarding staying in each local shelter, and are unsure of which shelter you are staying in. We do have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources, if you would like to discuss it with one of them. Our support and information line can be reached at 916-920-2952
My boyfriend has a past misdemeanor domestic violence charge from another woman & one pending domestic violence charge that “the DA has kicked back to the local police department” ***(edited for length) Needless to say I’m terrified to ever call the cops again or try to defend myself…3 days ago he punched be in the side then pushed my face so hard into a pillow for so long I got another bloody nose and all I could do was lay there and hope he stopped. After he did he said if I called the cops I would go to jail again.
Now that I’m too scared to fight back or call the cops I’m wondering if there’s any advice for someone in my situation?…
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your boyfriend is putting you through, and understand how hard it is when the local PD isn’t much help. Please reach out to our support and information line at 916 920-2952,we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources. We also offer up to 8 free sessions with a counselor, if that is something you would be interested in. To access those services, we ask that you come in for a walk-in triage. Our address is 1900 K st. Sacramento, CA. The times for walk-in triage are: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM

My girlfriend and I got into an argument. She was intoxicated I was sober. She ended up calling the police to try and have me removed from our home. Instead during her rundown of events she indicated that she knocked a cigarette out of my hand because I lit it in the house which we don’t smoke in. They immediately said she was being arrested for domestic battery, even though she didn’t commit it against me. I had no marks, I didn’t call, and made no statement that she hit me. I simply agreed that she knocked it out of my hand with the intent on putting my cigarette out. How can this be? She never hurt me. She is 27 and never even had a speeding ticket, she has been in jail for 2 days since it is the weekend, will they release her on her own recognizance tomorrow at her hearing? I don’t see how they are trying to charge her with battery when she did not.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting this situation is for you and we are sorry that you experienced this. It definitely sounds like this was a situation where the control and ability to make a choice about a response was taken away from you and that is very unfair. We recognize that every situation is not clear-cut or black and white, and there are lots of gray areas that can make it difficult for people outside of the situation to understand what is truly going on. We want you to get the best support you can, and we feel that your question could be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates, and our legal team can be contact by calling the legal voicemail at 916.319.4944. When you call please leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal questions, and they will return your call within a few short business days. In the meantime, if it is available to you, would you be comfortable contacting the law enforcement agency that became involved in the situation to see if they can provide you further support? They should have given you an info card with the case or report number before they left, and you could contact them to provide you with some clarification on her arrest such as what she is being charged with and when she will be released. Sometimes they can even let you speak to the arresting officer and they can explain it to you. If you have any further questions or need any more support or resources, don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Hi. I am a male, i have being with my fiance for the last 17year living with her for 15ish years. Up until now i haven’t even thought of it as abuse. She was drinking every night and she would say things about me and my family that she wouldn’t say if she didn’t have a drink. The next day she wouldn’t remember anything. If i was at work the next day when I get home she is acting like nothing has happened.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. From what you have shared it sounds like your fiance’ is sharing some inappropriate or hurtful things with you regarding your family while she is under the influence of alcohol and this has become a semi-regular occurrence. Healthy communication is the cornerstone to every relationship, and without that there will be no foundation for success. You both are about to make huge commitments within your relationship and we are certain that you want healthy communication to be a part of your relationship. That is a two-way street, and if your fiance’ either uses alcohol to cope with emotions or uses alcohol to confront you about difficult situations, regardless that is not healthy. Perhaps it would be helpful to attend some sort of couple’s counseling? It could be helpful to sit down with an outside, unbiased party who could provide some more insight and evaluation into what this could mean. If you need any further support in this issue, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We can get you connected to resources within your community that could be helpful to you in this situation. 

My ex-boyfriend was very emotionally and then physically abusive. I never reported it to the police out of fear that he would retaliate. It’s been about 2 years now, and I’m worried that he could still be looking for me, or even do this again to his next partner. Should I still report it? I think it’s past the statute of limitations, but I feel like it should be on record somewhere. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal  – 916.920.2952.

My ex best friend of several years and 1 year more than friends, inseparable, he did everything for my son and I. Years went by and I was still never anything other then his friend or neighbor. He found someone else and had me arrested multiple times and jailed. All over false allegations of domestic violence via cyberstalking. Of course it turns out to be refused in court no charges were filed and that was that. But got arrested multiple times. Ruined my life. He was the abuser who got away with it because he is as cop. How can I ever ruin him like he has done to my life my future my sons future.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you went through this. I am sorry that you had to go through that. We can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you and your son, have you thought of getting some support with a counselor? If you would like to discuss this further, learn more about our services, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We want you to feel supported and to know that you are not alone in this.

Are domestic abuse charges dropped from defendant when victim dies

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We appreciate you reaching out, however due to the nature of your question it may be helpful to contact the District Attorneys office for additional support. They can be reached at 916-874-6218.

In addition, it may be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center at 916-876-4673 and speak with a legal advocate. If you require any additional support or information, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

My question or comment.. I am looking to get help in getting some things out and in storage. I attempted this afternoon at 130pm and unfortunately the ABUSER I live with started going off cussing aggressively. I had to call the person I found on Craigslist for moving help and warned him about my situation. BUT I STILL NEED HELP.

I AM SCARED BUT I HAVE NO ONE REALLY.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this. Based of what you have shared, we would recommend you contact your local law enforcement agency, whether that be the police department or sheriffs department, and request a civil stand by. This will allow you the time to clear your items while still assuring safety. If you need additional support or information, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

An unwanted house guest of my partner (we live together but she owns the house) has been verbally abusive towards me, put urine in my coffee mug, and ensures I’m scalded when I shower by messing with the water. Is this grounds for a protective order or no? The “guest” is my girlfriends ex that refuses to leave. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this. We can only imagine how upsetting this is for you, and it is not something you should have to be dealing with. Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about your experiences and how you feel? We would hope that she would be receptive and not wanting you to be experiencing this kind of abuse. Legally, even if you do not have your name on the lease you still have legal claims to the house if you pay rent there and have occupied it for a certain amount of time. We would like to encourage you to reach out to our legal advocates with your concerns and see what support or advice they can provide. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question and they will return your call within a few short business days. If you have any other concerns, want to know more about our services, or get connected to other supportive resources in your area please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My ex had gotten charge with hitting me now over a year later now their wanting to charge me as well for hitting him too. Can they really do that when I live in a other state now and it’s been over a year and I was never change with anything or now went to jail for anything.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry you are experiencing this and it sounds like a very upsetting and confusing situation. Without knowing more about your case we cannot provide the Legal support and answers that you need. However, we do have a wonderful team of Legal advocates who would be more than qualified to provide you with the support you need regarding this Legal matter. You can call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call as soon as they are able within the business week. Additionally, their scope of practice is within Sacramento county. If your legal situation is not in Sacramento County, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can get your connected to legal resources within your area. 

I need Advice I dont Know what to do.. I’m in love with someone who is sweet but he gets mad quick I get Scared sometimes. If my significant other gets mad quick because I asked Him the same question 3 times.. because he wasn’t clear in my opinion & then he chokes me & squeezes my face & points at my forehead really hard is that a sign of him not wanting to tell me things & being violent ?

Thank you for contact WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary this situation is for you and we want to do everything that we can to help you. We are so sorry that you are going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. It is normal to have a broad range of emotions and to sometimes transition between feelings quickly, but when those emotions become violent, that is not okay. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We understand that this may be a lot to process, and we want you to know that you have lots of support. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor, get connected to our services such as Counseling or Legal, or if you would to know about resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone. 
My adult daughter had her ex break into her home and assault her yesterday morning. He destroyed her home, belongings and stole her cell phone. She called the police and they took pics have a warrant for his arrest but he has her cell and is emailing posting revenge pictures on her social media contaxring her co workers and clients and has ruined her life!!! Can someone please help with courses of legal action that she can take against him. My state is MO. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your daughter is experiencing. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. To find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or give the National Domestic Violence hotline a call at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
My ex boyfriend is an alcoholic. He frequently come home drunk and has been starting very aggressive arguments. Everytime i raise my voice in defense of him he blames me for yelling as the reason why he smashes things or physically hurts me. He never has struck me. But grabs me, pushes me to the floor, amd smashes and destroys my things. I really want him to leave but hes on the lease and refuses to leave. When i say im going to call the police he threatens me or threatens to hurt himself so i am actually afraid for my life sometimes. How do i go about this situation of getting him out?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing harassment from your ex boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Please reach out to our support and information line at 916 920-2952, we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources. Similarly, you can reach out to our legal department at 916 319-4944. You’ll need to leave a message with your name, contact info, and a brief explanation of why you’re seeking legal help, and a legal advocate should return your call in around four business days.

 

I’m in America free to go to whichever safe haven I want, I want to go to a safe house really due to being dumped in the street by my ex- boyfriend that they never really treated me for, a time or two I was needing pain medicine and now I have high blood pressure, I’m in trauma from so many times I got battered and it’s abusive doing that to me, they don’t seem to think and it’s dangerous and I got assaulted when in public ,been needing some quiet time ever since I’ve been thinking about in it. I was having spasms when I was in distress. and not only hurting but was in pain alot, every time I try down here for a safe haven, they keep brushing me off and I’m already a survivor from a previous assault that happened earlier in my life and I want to be treated right. **(edited for length) Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please give our support and information line a call at 916 920-2952. We have advocates standing by 24hrs a day, who will be more than happy to assist you in safety planning, offering resources, and providing emotional support!

In order for me to get an apartment after being in an domestic violence shelter do I have to file an order of protection for the person who abused me?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this issue, knowing what legal action to take after experiencing domestic violence is very important and it is good to be aware of your options. Obtaining an order of protection or sometimes called a restraining order is completely voluntary, it is a personal choice, and not something that is a requirement to obtain housing unless there was a court ruling to do so. However, it is something to consider when thinking about the best options to keep yourself safe, but still an individual, case-by-case situational decision. Only you know your experiences best and what would be the best options to keep yourself safe. If you would like to discuss this issue further, please contact our legal voicemail to leave a message with our Legal Advocates who will contact you within a few short business days. The number is 916.319.4944, please leave your name, a safe-identified contact number to return your call at, and your legal question. Our legal advocates scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case is through another county please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to obtain further legal resources. We are always available to provide support, access to our services, or resources within the community at our 24/7 Line at 916.920.2952. 

In 2014 -2016 me and my brother moved in with my dad and his girlfriend and kids and her daughters who are older than us and as the time went on we saw a side of my dad’s girlfriend that we never knew .She verbally and physically abused us, for me when she whooped me 30 times one day for coming home in my gym clothes because she wanted me to come home in what she sent me in an I was sore for about two weeks my lower part was purple and while she whooped me I was screaming and she got tired of hearing me so she slapped me and told me to shut up or she would put duct tape on my mouth …… But I regret it every day knowing that she is still living her life and doesn’t think what she has done was wrong but she would just say it was discipline and I would hate for her to do it to someone else I wonder what I could have done to put her away besides getting evidence since are bruises were gone. (Edited for length)

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that you went through all of this, enduring situations like that is not an easy thing to do. Although we cannot answer to what could have been done at the time, it may be helpful to seek out some additional supports to help process all of those instances. We are available 24/7 on our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.  In addition, it may be helpful to come into weave to either seek out individual or group counseling for support. Our Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Although we cannot change what happened in the past, we are here to support you as you move forward.

If I call the cops on my abusive boyfriend and he’s not on my lease or any of the bills at my house or anything will they for sure be able to make him leave. Cause I sure Wud hate to the call the cops and there’s nothing they can do because it’s a “civil” matter ! And that Wud make it so much worse on me if they can’t make him leave and I called them

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. We commend you for reaching out for support. Unfortunately, I cannot promise that the police will make him leave. One option is going down to the courthouse and filing a move out order. Also contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services to get more support is always available to you. Our Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose we are here to support you.  

I really need help. I’ve been married for 5 years now. The first 4 years was good. Last year it all went bad. My husband has broke my rib busted my nose and put a knife to my throat. I tried to leave and he treated me saying if I make it out he will hunt me down and I’ll regret it that’s if I make it out or I can leave but it will be in a body bag. He has never hurt my kids ever. Tonight my daughter didn’t wanna go to bed. Out of no where he hit the heck out of her back with a belt. I called the cops but he lied to them and they left. Idk what to do. Am such a worthless mom. Help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. Child Protective Services may be a good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep the children from the father AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

About 7 to 5 years ago i was emotionally and sexually abused by my ex fiancee. Is there any way i can file a lawsuit without having to confront him. It gives me the chills just thinking about this and i dont ever want to see him. I saw him around november of 2018 while I was on my way home from work in Berkeley, CA and i got a panic attack just seeing his face. I never went back to work since that day because i didn’t want to cross paths with him again. He use to buy me alcohol. He cheated on me several times when we were engaged and he use to make me smoke marijuana so that i can be “relaxed”.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. First, we want to say that what you experienced in your relationship with your ex fiance’ is not okay, and we are so sorry that happened to you. We can only imagine how hard it has been to process that trauma, and running into him must have been very triggering. We hope that you have a strong support system that you can lean on. Next, we would like to refer you to our wonderful legal team who would be more qualified to answer your queries regarding filing a lawsuit. They practice law through Sacramento County and you can leave a message with your name, a safe-identified contact number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern, and they will return your call within two-three business days at 916.319.4944. If you do not live in Sacramento County, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can refer you to supportive services and legal resources within your area. Please know we are here for you, and you are not alone in this. 

How can we as parents address plausible accusations of violence against our son who is middle aged. We are aware of his controlling behavior and his verbal abuse but up until this time we weren’t aware of any violence. His father has had conversations with him in the past regarding this behavior trying to get him to understand the damage he is doing to his all of his relationships with no results. This last weekend it became physical and we are heartsick and frightened. We live in another state and considered traveling to confront him but became concerned that might just make matters worse.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We applaud you for recognizing that your son may be a perpetrator since you yourself have seen a different side of him at times. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with their emotional health, so they don’t continue their violent behavior. Your son on the other hand seems unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions and if you fear he can become violent, trust your intuition. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check or other options. You can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate for more emotional support.

The other night I called the police on my husband who suffers from PTSD and he choked me until I could not breath after an angry argument we had where initially I was irate in text messages and calm when I got home he got violent when I got home and I fearing for my safety called for help with the police. My husband fearing he would be arrested made a statement that I held a knife to him and they arrested me they said because I through text messages looked like I was the aggressor and we both told different stories. His lie has brought fourth a felony arrest for what occurred and if charged I will lose my career, my education and my future potentially. My husband wants to stay married but he doesn’t see that he had the control of his bx not to allow it to physically escalate and he had not care for my safety and that is why I called the police. My life was more important than his inability to self-regulate. I hired a lawyer and I hope the charges are declined by the DA, my husband refused to press charges and pleaded to the police not to arrest me. Over the years I’ve endured so much abuse and trauma with this man and the day I call for help the police make him the victim. I’m seeking support in my church, my family, and friends. I don’t want to be married anymore to this man and now I have a criminal lawyer when in should have hired a divorce attorney months ago. My only question is where should I go from here when everything feels stacked up against me.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your husband. We understand how frustrated you must feel about him still having this much power over your life, even after all of these years. You have shown so much strength over the years and it’s important to remember that, especially during the difficult times. WEAVE has a legal department that is for Sacramento residents only; however if you need legal assistance in another county, The National Domestic Violence hotline may be able to guide you in the right direction and can be reached at 1-800-799-7233. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

My bf does what ever he wants..when he wants; and when after 4 yes. teied to take 1! bath without him in the room called me names, threatened me,and said if I don’t have sex with him soon I’d never see him again. And then stated “And everyone is gonna be on my side,you watch, b****!” Not new,just getting wierder and worse! Area cops are useless! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If you would like to talk to advocate you can contact us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My mother in law told my husband to put order protection on me with all lies. I want to call her church and report her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you are going through this. In order to give you more support we have advocates who offer emotional support and can further explore options with you if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My husband put lying order protection on me actually this is the second one. He stole my clothes and won’t let me get them should I call his lawyer?

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Due to the fact this is a legal question, we would recommend you get in contact with the Weave Legal Department for further support on what options you have. Our legal department can be reached at 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail number, so when you call just leave a message and they will return the call as soon as possible. If you need additional support or information, please contact our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

My friend said she was beat by her ex-husband 10 years ago and he is still trying to control her life won’t let her have any friends what is the best way to help her get her life back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. You are being a great support for her by reaching out on her behalf. Please feel free to have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options she may choose.

My husband has been verbally abusing me, sometimes hitting me and threatening to hit me or kill me. Just found out I am pregnant and the abuse and threats got worse. He wants an abortion and threatens to kill me if I don’t have one. I have told him several times I want a divorce and he needs to leave the house, which I have bought it. What should I do with a person that wont leave my own house and is being abusive and threatening? Have not told a soul of my situation, I am afraid and don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are going through this. You are so brave for reaching out for help. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. You can also file a restraining order so you can obtain a move out order to get him out the house. We also offer a divorce workshop here on the 2nd Thursday of the Month from 5:30 pm – 7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the Month from 3:00 pm – 5:00 pm. This workshop includes the opportunity for you to complete the necessary forms to start the divorce or legal separation, or to learn about the issues that may be involved in divorce/legal separation. There is no legal advice provided during the workshop; only legal information is provided, specific to filing for a divorce in Sacramento County. The workshop is open to the public and you would need to make an appointment by calling (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with your contact information. Please feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options you may choose.

My mother hit me as a child. I never saw bruises because I never thought to look, not because they were not necessarily there. I was sore for days after sometime though and one time u could see her entire hand on my cheek from where she had struck me. My brother told me it wasn’t physical abuse because I never saw a bruise. Was it abuse or no?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you went through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We define domestic violence as being able to occur to anyone, by anyone (your friend, a family member, a coworker, etc). It does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual. With that being said, we are certain this could be bringing up a lot of past trauma or memories or feelings you hadn’t felt in a long time. We want you to feel supported and to know that you are not alone in this. If you would like to discuss this further, learn more about our services, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We feel there are many services that could be helpful to you in navigating this, such as Counseling services. 

My wife had a mental breakdown that was also alcohol fueled and became belligerent. She was causing a huge, loud scene outside of our home. She ended up falling down into something and injuring her face pretty badly. Our neighbors called the police due to the loudness of the situation. The police arrested me for aggravated battery on her. Her police statement to the police on scene was that I absolutely didn’t hit her and that she was acting crazy and fell down and hit her face. We both got attorneys. A declination of prosecution was filed by her attorney. I’m terrified and embarrassed by this perfect storm of coincidences that have me falsely accused. Do I have a chance for the charges to be dropped? This is my first run in with the law and I have no history of any violence what so ever. Thank you

Dear Reader, Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you both have taken the proper steps to resolve this. In complex situations like this it is best to seek advice from legal professionals which you both have already done. Although we cannot provide legal advice we would be more than happy to provide emotional support during this time should you or your wife need additional support. You can contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at (916)-920-2952.

My wife had me arrested saying I drove by her house Monday night violating the order. Now, I was at home with my roommate and talking to my mom as well. How can I be arrested for this violation when she cant prove the allegation? Now I have to fight that too.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We cannot provide legal advice but it does sound like the circumstances under which you were accused may need legal consultation. if you have an attorney it would be best to contact them. If you would like additional support or information please call us at (916)-920-2952

 

My step children are extremely abusive both mentally emotionally verbally and physically toward me and when I made the comment to my husband if they continue to escalate their verbally abusive assaults on me and he does nothing to stop them and did nothing to stop them that if it did escalate when he made the sarcastic comment that he would just get ready for work and leave and we can argue all night and I made the comment know if this continues I’ll call the police he commented back that whoever calls the police and embarrasses him will no longer live in this house what do I do When I have been told by the local police and sheriffs department to call them my husband tells me if I do he will divorce or throw me out but yet he allows his children to continue to emotionally verbally physically and mentally abuse me and does nothing to stop it if not encourages it by screaming at me like it’s my fault that they’re treating me that way when I say to stop that I’m the one that’s arguing with his children what do I do. Also there has been a few times where he has threatened to sexually raped me if I didn’t go along with his sexual advances or desires because of me being approved or not wanting him anymore which is not true but when I’m treated like I’m nothing I’m not really sexually motivated to do anything am I crazy Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Your situation can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. We have advocates standing by  to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you, if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Similarly, there is an organization called A Community for Peace, which specializes in family violence, and they can be reached at 916-728-7210.
Well one morning my boyfriend and I got into an argument after him verbally abusing me all night long he got in my face super close where his nose was touching mine and he cursed at me and I had been holding so much in from that night and I reacted and slapped him after he got all in my face now I have a warrant for that but I never received nothing saying I had court because I moved from the last place I lived what can I do or what’s gonna happen I’m scared to go to jail I have 3 kids in responsible for 24/7 Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though, I can imagine this is a stressful and confusing time. Due to the legal aspect of your question, we would recommend you contact our legal department for further support. The number to the legal department is 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail number, so when you call leave a message and they should return the call as soon as possible which can take up to a few days. If you need additional emotional support or have other questions, please call our 24/7 hotline at 916-920-2952.

I called the police on my girlfriend she was arrested for domestic violence i didnt press charges she was released i recieved a letter from the domestic violence unit 19 days later i wasnt home to recieve it and i didnt make it to the post office in time to pick it up what could that letter be about

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you had to go through that abuse with your girlfriend. Since we do not work for the domestic violence unit where the letter came, we are not sure what the letter could be about. You should contact the domestic violence and ask for another letter to be sent out or ask to speak with someone and they could possible explain to you what the letter was about. If you would like to speak with one of our advocates about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. 

My daughter who is 16 was in a relationship with a boy she met at her High School. They were both 14 when they met and started a relationship that became sexual by the time they were both 15. She hid most of it from us. About a year after they started dating, her dad and I came across evidence on her phone that he was abusing her. Long story short, it got worse to where we went to court and she was granted a restraining order for 18 months. They have lots of mutual friends and we hear about him. Recently he was put into juvenile hall for assault with a deadly weapon unrelated to my daughter’s restraining. Do we have the right to know when he is released and his whereabouts? We feel so nervous and scared that he might just turn up when we least expect it.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE; we are so sorry that happened, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for your daughter.  According to http://www.probation.saccounty.net/Institutions/Pages/ReleaseInformation.aspx, release dates and information for juveniles in custody are typically provided at a court hearing or by a Probation Officer. For further questions, contacting the Juvenile Court Services at (916) 875-6868 may be an option. If he does contact or make attempts to communicate with your daughter, he is violating the restraining order and contacting law enforcement would be the best option for that situation. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior. If you or your daughter would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

elderly father with dementia threatens to beat disabled ill daughter to death & keeps threatening to throw her out of the house. constant verbal, emotional abuse, terror, & constant hostilities at home. hopeless, dispaired. Death is only escape? I am very isolated. No friends. No money. Disabled. Ill. Can’t stand or walk very much. I am sick of life long systematic mental abuse. Now unbearable because I cannot live in this beaten down broken mentally & emotionally disabled from systematic mental torture all my life long. God. Save me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. This can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 for immediate assistance. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.

Hi this is tina i ran away from my husband from toronto to vancovour cause he threthend me my sister and kids in 13/13/2013 cause he rape me and beat me and my older son .he spoted me in vancovour bc 5 years.i never asked for shares or child support but after that i was in the resperator 5 times in 2017 i saw his friend in the same hospital in chilliewack bc hospital.i was in second stage.housing then i came back in 2017 april 2017 it just would not stop so when i came to toronto ontario i was in woman resesdents ledo motal i had to find a lawyer but i dont know what took my lawyer 1year but finily friday 11 2019 i was called to family i told my lawyer.all my fear.to give the judgebut i have to obay with all recepts.today jan 19 2019 12 pm they father will.being seeing them with my sister.but before i signing i told my lawyer that friend was my husband friend.31 devesion had arrested.his friend but my husband was.as well in 2 times arrested his friend was the one that sported us in vancovour help me 12 pm he.will be meating them kids are all under 14 years please help me

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you and your children. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.

My husband & I had gotten into a financial argument in his car. He pulled over & told me to get the fuck out of his car. I got out took the 2 mile walk home. I made it safely back home. Now he can’t even look me in the face. Is this abuse? Is he “trying” to be remorseful?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear you had to go through that with your husband. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We provide counseling and other services. If you would like to talk to an advocate and receive information please call us at our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

can I kick out of my house my son of 19 if he hits me, doesn’t comply with house rules, breaks things around the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how it must feel to not have your son comply with the household  rules you’ve established in addition to him hitting you.  We advise you to contact your local  law enforcement agency if your safety is at risk.  Additionally, when deciding whether to remove your son from your home it is important to consider your safety, their age, and how to transition them out of your home safely. We can provide safety planning and emotional support should you need it. Please call 916-920-2952.

I have a friend who needs help with filing for his divorce, he is ex navy seal with many health issues and has been dealing with his ex-wife who has frozen his bank accounts , locked him out of his face book account. He has suffered enough, the harassment and mental abuse is too much for him he needs some real help. Is this a place he may come to for help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that your friend is going through this. You are being a great support for him by reaching out on his behalf. We do offer a divorce workshop here on the 2nd Thursday of the Month from 5:30 pm – 7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the Month from 3:00 pm – 5:00 pm. This workshop includes the opportunity for the individual to complete the necessary forms to start their divorce or legal separation, or to learn about the issues that may be involved in their divorce/legal separation. There is no legal advice provided during the workshop; only legal information is provided, specific to filing for a divorce in Sacramento County. The workshop is open to the public and your friend would need to make an appointment by calling (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with his contact information. Please feel free to have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options he may choose.

My ex boyfriend and I would occasionally socially do drugs. One day he wanted to go the beach with our friends and do LSD. I refrained from doing the drug even though he tried to persuade me to join his trip. After sunset at the beach things went terribly wrong. he sped off and started talking crazily. He made me start driving after stopping the car in the middle of the road. He threw our phones out the window, thus loosing directions and causing us to end up on a deserted dark road. Where he dragged me out of the car and as I attempted to flee he tackled me and punched me. He ran away and the cops found him. where he was then baker acted. His parents sent him off to rehab where he calls me begging for a second chance. He swears something took over his body and that he would never ever hurt me. He swears he had no control and hardly even remembers. Do drugs really have this much power over someone? Should I believe him? Is he not at complete fault? Should I consider taking him back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. It is not easy to navigate situations such as this, and we commend you for reaching out for support. While drugs never justify violence, the presence of a drug abuse can contribute to a violent, abusive, or scary situation. We are all responsible for our actions and being under the influence of drugs or alcohol does not resolve us from taking responsibility. Your experience with your ex-boyfriend sounds frightening and it may be helpful reach out to our 24/7 Support & Information Line to talk with advocate about the feelings you are experiencing – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I’m in love with a man who began the mental and emotional abuse when we first got our home together . Got so bad I told him my son and I were leaving . He got angry said so your leaving me hit himself with phone charger had me arrested but sheriff new and the DA said not picking this charge up. Tossed out court. I did get a CPO grated then 5 year restraining order. He still contacted. After 6 months he never stopped harassing me threatening my job then one day everything change. Said he’s getting help wants us to go to consoling and I let him back got order dropped and the court rep. It’s not just emotional, and mental it gets physical bad. I went into work with a messed up face arms all be used up and he’s grabbed me by my throat just 2 weeks ago he had his hands choking me I could breath was barley hitting his chest and almost passed out. When released I gasp for air. I LOVE THE SOBER MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH NOT THIS ONE HELP BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO [edited for length]. 

Thank you for reaching out to us  at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner into making the changes that you want. If he is ready to take steps to address his anger management problems and his history of abuse, there is a program called “Man Alive” which is an anger management course specifically for men only. She can reach them at (877) 366-8935. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.

My wife is getting physically abusive it’s becoming a habit about once a week if I try to stick up for myself with words or threats she says no one’s going to believe a man over a woman and she’ll just say that I’m the one that’s physically violent right now I have marks all over my face from her I do not hit back or become violent I figured out a way to not even get angry anymore what can I do to help her? Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner in to making these changes. If she is ready to take steps to address her anger management problems, there is a program called “The Alive Program” which is an anger management course specifically for women only. She can reach them at (916)929-3039. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our Support and Information line at (916)920-2952
If I wanted to come into WEAVE for help/support for a few incidents I have been through with my ex would those incidents be reported to the police if I talked about them? I’m just looking for a safe space to talk about them and work through them without involving law enforcement. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. WEAVE provides counseling to domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. Everything you discuss with your counselor is private, confidential and protected, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court in case there is a court process. To find out more about the counseling process, please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 or you can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My aunt lives in Mexico with her husband and she isn’t allowed to go out nor come and visit the family ; she is expected to stay home cook for the husbands mom and clean and she isn’t allowed to work . Years back he had laid hands on her . She ended pretty badly. She went back because of the children . She got kicked out the house today and she wasn’t allowed to take anything and had to leave without her children . She’s really scared and frankly I am too. What should we do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear about what your aunt is going through in Mexico. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We are not familiar with laws in Mexico regarding domestic violence and marital laws. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, does she have family in Mexico that she could stay with in the meantime? Can she go to law enforcement and file a police report for domestic violence and for husband wrongfully taking her children away? She could also reach out to non-profit agencies that provide assistance to victims of domestic violence there (if there are any). Ultimately she might want to seek out legal services and someone to represent her in order to be able to get her children back. This is a very scary and stressful situation and you and your family deserve the support as well. Please contact us at our Information and Support Line 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for emotional support.

Hello i don’t know what to do in case my daughters father tries to see her, I won’t let her go but I’m afraid of him and his family. Can he call the cops on me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are having some concerns surrounding custody of your daughter, and her father’s rights to see her? It is a little difficult for us to provide support without having more information, such as your current custody agreement, but from our understanding if you have a legal custody agreement, then there are certain rights that he holds to spend time with her. If you would like further support in not only understanding how custody works, such as shared custody and visitations, we would be happy to help you with that. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to contact you at, and your legal questions/concerns. Please know if you need any further support, want information about other services we offer, or resources within the community, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
He was play hitting me with belt asked him to stop he did it anyway so I hit him twice with a cord then he got furious and started hitting me with the belt more as I tried dressing to leave he even put a phone cord around my throat but didnt pull it right. Was this my fault since I hit him with a cord when he disnt stop after I asked him to? Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you are going through this. Violence is never your fault. Every relationship should be based on respect and dignity. The second you said stop, he should have, regardless of if you hit him with a cord or not. If you’re interested, we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support and other resources. Please call our Support and Information line at: 916-920-2952.

My boyfriend has pushed me twice now to the floor while we were both drinking and fighting, I know I can be really mean while intoxicated and he has been under a lot of financial pressure (that’s why we are fighting) and the next day he doesn’t even talk to me about it or try to apologize or anything. I am concerned that it has happened 2 times and it might happen again or if I break up with him he might snap even worse. What should I do. How can I talk to him about this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you have been experiencing this with your boyfriend. Even if you have been mean and even if you have been drinking that does not give the right for anyone to physically assault you. I would encourage you to seek out supports for you and your boyfriend. Whether that be contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we just had our baby girl 2 months ago and he has never put his hands on me until a couple of days ago he got arrested and charged with domestic violence by strangulation he is still in jail and has been put on medication for or ad bipolar disorder and depression and it doesn’t really seem like he had control over it I mean I was with my ex husband for 9 years and he was very abusive and this just doesn’t feel like my boyfriend intentionally done it we hardly ever argue and we work together on everything and he has never been controlling I’ve never felt with him how I did with my ex husband so I was wondering if his mental state could of caused what he done and if he gets on the right medications and goes to counseling if our relationship could be the way it was before this one incident happened??? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear you are going through all of this right now, it sounds like there are some complicating factors. Mental illness can be difficult to navigate as it happens in the home, and although I am unable to say if it caused what he did, I would encourage you to seek out additional supports for you and your family. Whether that be contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose.

My 24 year old son has been arrested for domestic battery and endangering the welfare of a child. His daughter is 2. Evidently he was drunk on tequila and Lord only knows what else. The little girl is black and blue on her legs, bumps on her head and bruise on her nose.
He has been in trouble with the law. Unemployed.
I don’t want to turn my back on him but his behavior has reached a new low.
Should I hire him a lawyer? Do I accept his calls from jail?
My wife is very mad with me as she thinks I should cut him out of our life forever.
I am sick all the way around and don’t know what I should do?

 

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear how your son’s actions are affecting you and your family. You ask some hard questions about life changing decisions. We have a 24-hour support and information line with advocates standing by to offer support, which you can reach by calling 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free sessions with a counselor, if that is something your family would be interested in. To access those services, we ask that you come in for a walk-in triage. Our address is 1900 K st. Sacramento, CA. The times for walk-in triage are: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM
I am having difficulties at home and am not sure if I’m able or eligible to get help. I have been kicked out of my boyfriends apartment quite often, we argue constantly, he is constantly calling me a b*****, we have gotten into a physical altercations and I feel like the arguments always get heated but every time I have left he follows me everywhere I go and so I stay in my car in a parking lot. I have been scared that something more might happen if I stay I’m not sure if I would even qualify for help and counseling. Can somebody answer my message with more info?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about your relationship and constant fights with your boyfriend. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your boyfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 and go over your options.

Where to get help post divorce 4/14/15, where I was abused and continue to be abused, by my X-husband, and our family courts in El Dorado County, California. I am 70 years old, lost everything except my homeowners exemption, working as nurse for 50 years, through garnishment must pay my X, $2200.00 monthly till he dies, plus $140,000.00 more. I have worked my whole life and helped others. My X-Husband had nothing and took everything from me – over $1 million. I was only married to him for 11 years-no children together. There was a trial due to his undisclosed assets-he never disclosed.  There were court documents that went missing, delays in court processing, talk of judges and attorneys being paid off. This is a travesty of justice. My X-husband has committed fraud, forgery, perjury, divorce trial in Superior Courts, El Dorado County, California, and no one cares [edited for length]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you have been going through this.  WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Am I stupid to think that he’d change and see that I am a good person not a lazy,fat, tweaking *****,and I have only done meth a few times in my Life I am going to a addiction therapist and I have been opiate free since January 6,2012… he said since he pays for my medication that I have to share it with him.he too was addicted to opiates (pain pills) and I am the only one who sought treatment for my addiction. So I think that I can ask you my question now Am I stupid because I have tried to make it work and after 32 years of the same thing and I am sickened by this because I don’t mean enough for them to get family counseling, my oldest son said earlier this evening, and I think that when he said that I knew that he is brainwashed about me his dad has always worked with him since he was around 10 he went everywhere because of the 3 younger kids ages 8,6 and 3 at the time Am I stupid or delusional [edited for length & content]. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you have been going through this with your husband for the past 32 years. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial for you to seek out counseling services and receive support. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I’m interested in receiving counseling from Weave but curious about how you typically conduct your counseling sessions? is it typically in group therapy settings or is there also one-on-one counseling available?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. WEAVE provides individual and group counseling services for those impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Please make arrangements for childcare during triage and counseling appointments. If you or someone you know needs counseling from WEAVE, please call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or complete a free triage assessment session during the following times:

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM
Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

My mother in law was assaulted by her adult daughter who was staying at her apartment. (The adult daughter had been staying there about 8 days at the time of the assault and the assault occurred 1 week ago today. She wants to dispose of her daughter’s belongings. Can she do that? (Colorado).

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear your mother in law was assaulted by her own daughter. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. She may also want to reach out to her local law enforcement in order to ask about her rights.

I’m afraid to leave my husband because I think he will try to pull the while suicide stunt again or start throwing things. How do I leave?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that you are going through this; this can be a very scary situation. If you ever feel like you are in danger at any time, please call law enforcement. I know that this can be a scary thing to do, however if your husband is making attempts at suicide, this is one of the ways to help ensure you and your families safety.

If you need help finding safe resources for leaving or would like to discuss some more of your options, please contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Please reach out if you need any support! 

I have a custody trial coming up in two months. I can’t afford the $8k retainer my lawyer needs. There was DV with the father 5 years ago, while I was pregnant with our child, but he was never charged. How can I get free legal rep at the trial? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you are going through this process and want to do everything we can to help support you. It sounds like you are looking for legal support with your child custody case. We have many legal services and resources that you can get connected with through our 24/7 Support and Information. Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and get connected to legal resources. 

My wife was grabbed by arm and thrown down by neighbor whom was drunk and also slung childs riding toy at our heads. Intent to harm or worse. All the way to Chief. Did Nothing. Approx. 9 months later I accidently touched neighbors fence and Sheriff’s deputy shoved my wife by her breasts for trying to talk. The next day I was arrested on $3000 dollar bond. Neighbors continue to harass me and my family going on over 4 years. Seeking contingency Civil Lawyer. I want Justice, compensation, charges filed against everyone involved. Same Commissioner saw my wifes bruised arm. Need a Lawyer. Have very little money. A lot of documents, reports and pics. [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you and your wife are being harassed and abused by your neighbor. We are a Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Agency and our legal department only takes and assists with Family Law cases related to that. In seems that for your case you will possibly need to hire a private civil attorney. In you live in the Sacramento region for more information please reach out to Voluntary Legal Services Program-  http://www.vlsp.org/. As well as Attorney Referral Service – https://www.lawyerlegion.com/lawyer-referral-directory/california/sacramento-county/

We hope you find the help you need.

I have been abuse mentally and verbally abused. After 33 yrs of marriage my husband is using my Mental Afflictions to bring charges against me. I broke down and socked him. I was arrested, never been in trouble. After release I called WEAVE immediately and was told “You are the abuser we cannot help you. I had no place to go. I was told because he did not batter me physically I have no rights. I cannot comprehend the fact that an individual can abuse you mentally but because no hands were put on me, I have no rights. I have no record, I’m female, 70 yrs old with many ailments and now this man will once again wIll walk away. He is an abuser. Was found guilty in 1986 for child abuse and also was abusive to his first wife. I’m lost, I’m scared and I’m repressed by a Public Defender and to this date, months, he has returned only two calls and no other communication to this point. I have pre-trial on January 24th, court on March 5th and 6th. I feel I’m going to be chastised without any facts. Please help and Thank You.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

3 days after cataract surgery my daughter insisted on taking me to the grocery store and her massive S UV. I told her I felt a little unstable and asked if she would be willing to drive my car she said no I don’t want to drive your car I am more comfortable in the S UV. However as we were driving me she told me that this was the 1st time she had driven this truck. She also drove me to church in this truck and dropped me off at the front door it was difficult to get out of the truck. I felt very embarrassed I am 78 years old Female and it just felt awkward.We walked out of church together and back to the truck. She had parked it next to a curb so I had to wait for her to pull the truck out into the parking lot before I could get in she asked me to stand at a certain place but the trees were in my way so I moved further down To stand clear of the bushes. She got very upset with me and she said now look what you’ve done, There’s A-line of people behind me waiting to get out if you had just listened to me this would not have happened. I did not respond I just sat there and let it all pass. She Has a generous heart. Took me shopping to buy me a plant but insisted on getting something that she liked. She went with me to purchase a mattress for my dad and was constantly after me about watching my purse, Criticizes me in public. I I have always been respectful of her as a child and as an adult. I have a master’s degree in social work M now retired. However she treated me the same way when I was working. How can I handle situations in the future to avoid these kinds of reactions from her? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting and debilitating this situation is for you, and it is not something you should have to be going through. From our understanding of what you have shared with us, it sounds like your daughter is your primary caregiver? If what we are understanding is true, then it sounds like your daughter has some caregiver burnout. It does not excuse her behavior or treatment of you at all, but helps us to understand the situation better. We have a couple suggestions that we hope could be helpful in this situation. We understand that it is a difficult situation because you depend on your daughter for support and help with some daily activities but at the same time are very independent and have your own needs and lifestyle. Would it be at all possible and safe for you to have a conversation directly with your daughter regarding her treatment of you? Perhaps you both could have an honest conversation about your relationship and what you need from each other. If that is not an option, is being supported by someone else an option? Such as a friend, another family member, or even a supportive service program? If you have to continue being supported by her and she continues to treat you this way, we would like to encourage you to practice healthy boundaries with her. If she is mistreating you or you feel she is not hearing your needs, be clear with her and demand otherwise. Or take a moment to yourself to check in and ground yourself. How you are being treated now is unacceptable and we want you to know that we are here for you. We would love to support you further with this, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I got out of a toxic relationship two years ago and finally opened up to dating again. 
Long story short I gave the manchild my key we are no longer dating and he refuses to give it back. 
Aside from this triggering my trauma I really would like to know what measures I could take to protect myself and have him pay the consequences but I don’t know how or what to do and would hate to have to change my locks 
Any advice greatly appreciated

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Firstly, we just want to commend you for your bravery, leaving a toxic relationship is not an easy thing to do.

In terms of protecting yourself, there are a few different options on how to proceed. One way to aid in your safety is that you can file for a restraining order. If you require assistance with completing/filing the paperwork, there is a free workshop offered at the William R. Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. There is no appointment is necessary, and the class is offered every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8:30 a.m. until 12:00 p.m. Another option is to see if you qualify for Victim/Witness Assistance. This is a program that provides a number of services, and could help with covering the costs to change your locks. You can contact Victim Assistance to get more information at 916-874-5701.

If you need further clarification on these resources or need additional support, we are available on our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

If I die(left abusive 20 year marriage 3 months ago) even though we are still married, can I have my sister handle my affairs?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. If you fear for your life due to recently having left your husband/abuser of 20 years please contact law enforcement and/or file for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. But if you just would like to have your affairs in order there are legal documents you could prepare now, such as a trust or a will. For more information please see website https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/getting-your-affairs-order#important-papers

If you would like to talk to an advocate and go over more information and support for safety planning please call us at our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Canadian citizens are victims of domestic abuse and desperately need to return back to Canada. The family is currently lives abroad.
Husband has gotten hold all of their Canadian documents and so preventing them to return back to Canada. Please help.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear what this family is going through. Have you (or they) contacted Law Enforcement to file a police report? Also, it might be beneficial to contact the Canadian Consulate, for more information please see their website https://international.gc.ca/world-monde/country-pays/united_states-etats_unis/index.aspx?lang=eng

If you or the family would like to speak to an advocate and receive more information and/or support in regards to safety and action planning please contact us at our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I got out of an mentally abuse relationship. So know my ex started to threaten me. We both was living in a house where I paid everything (rent, utilities and food). I had enough and moved out. I couldn’t get all my belongings out in one trip so I came back the next day and the locks where changed. The lease is under my name only. I still have important belonging in the house. I texted him and he called me all kinds of names. So I turned off the utilities. Now he starts threatening me with lies. I’m a Manager and deal with money every day. I’ve been doing this Typ of work for over 20 years. He said that he will call the company I’m working for now to tell them that I stole money from my old companies. I never stole a penny in my life. I don’t know what to do. Can I call the police because he is trying to blackmail me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are going through this situation. You should definitely call law enforcement and have a civil stand by while you are able to collect your belongings. You can also file a report with them about the threats he has been making towards you. You can also file a restraining order so you can obtain a move out order to get him out the apartment. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I left an abusive relationship… he is doing everything he can to make my life miserable. .. I’m staying with a friend but can only stay a couple days. I need a place ASAP! My ex took all the money I had and I don’t get paid again until next Friday… I’m desperate if anyone can help I would appreciate it!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your abuser even though you left him. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will be best for you.


 
I have been living with my significent other’s family for about five months. His sister and father have been harassing and intimidating me since day 1. His sister has threatened to kill me in front of my son, has charged at me multiple times, glares at me intimidatingly, has gone through my personal private property and destroyed a few things. The father has grabbed my wrist and squeezed it very hard once, grabbed my sons shirt collar and threatened him, has verbally threatened me multiple times. 
I am wondering if this is all still considered domestic violence though my significant other and I aren’t married?
Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear your partner’s family are treating you and your son this way. To answer your question, Yes this can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. We have advocates standing by  to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you, if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Similarly, there is an organization called A Community for Peace, which specializes in family violence, and they can be reached at 916-728-7210.

If my abuser leaves can he come back and take stuff out of my home? We have 3 kids. He wants to leave and in two weeks get his stuff after.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It may be safer to have law enforcement do a civil standby while he comes and retrieves his belongings. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I am in a negative, abusive arrangement made by my brother/family without my permission or consent. This person is verbally abusive and absurd behavior, pranks,hacking, humiliation and I have the Atlanta Police Department,officials and Mayor involved surveillance, bullying and harassment, death threats, intimidation, unkind. I have been terminated unfairly and filed with the EEOC. My family members spearheaded by my brother are also watching me. I cannot retain any lawyer anywhere because of people who influence are huge. I am looking somewhere for shelter and help in the the Southern California area. I am hoping for some help from somewhere. This city is corrupt on every level and I am in dire straits.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your family. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. But since you leave out of state please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).  

My daughter is in abusive relationship. Her boyfriend a bum uses her car as his house and sex place for them. My 18 y .o daughter went to jail twice for domestic violence due to he is controlling, abusive they fight a lot and her bf got battery misdemeanor when he healed at her. The 1st jail time of my daughter was dismissed. The 2nd time she still in jail waiting for arraignment but the day she got pick up her bf got pick up too and book him is arrest warrant for burglary, resisting arrest, giving false name, and battery towards an officer. I’m bailing my daughter if arraignment will not be on her side. Her bf will stay in jail for sure. Is my daughter case will be drop since her as accuser is in jail too?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions. We are so sorry to hear that you and your daughter have been going through this; I know this must not be an easy situation to navigate. Due to there being a legal aspect to this question, I would recommend you contact the WEAVE legal department for support on what next steps you and your daughter can take; they can be reached at 916-319-4944. In addition to this, it may also be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center at 96-875-4673 for additional legal support.  

Through this stressful and confusing time, I want you to know you are not alone. We are available 24/7 for you and your daughter via Weave’s support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I am chronically ill and therefore disabled and cannot work. I am financially dependent on my abusive parents for medical care, health insurance, medication, and all of my living expenses. I don’t know how to escape this situation because my medical care is so expensive. They sabotage my attempts to get on disability income and punish me for trying. They also sabotaged other attempts I have made to leave in the past. They blatantly want me helpless and under their control forever. It feels like the only way out would be if someone decided to just pay for everything for me. How can I get out of here when I need so much money just to live but I can’t work?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this with your parents. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. WEAVE has a variety of resources including counseling and a 24/7 support and information line. We are here to support you, please reach out to one of our Peer Support Advocates at 916.920.2952.

What takes place in a triage appointment? Is it kind of like counseling or?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Triage is for counseling, please see below the attached information:

 

WEAVE provides individual and group counseling services for those impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Please make arrangements for childcare during triage and counseling appointment. If you or someone you know needs counseling from WEAVE, please call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or complete a free triage assessment session during the following times:

1900 K Street, Sacramento – 2nd Floor

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM

Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

Triage counseling is free. Community counseling is available to individuals, couples, and families on a sliding scale of $40 – $100 per session.

All counseling services are provided by WEAVE counselors and not associated with any other local counseling or mental health service.

The first message got sent as a text message (instead of iMessage – not sure why), then a few hours later it got sent again as an iMessage. My boyfriend asked me why I sent the message again and said that I “f***ed up”, basically implying that I probably sent it to some other guy and told me to “just be honest if I’m cheating”. He always asks me if I’m cheating on him, and I always reassure him. I have friends and family that can vouch for me, but he refuses to reach out to them and confirm my whereabouts. He knows he has insecurities, but we always seem to have little fights here and there about his suspicions. I’m trying to keep the relationship together, but I’m not sure how much more I can handle. He has taken photos of my texts and sent it to my friends. The photos didn’t imply anything, and my friends are not on good terms with him any longer. He’s been better since, but now it seems like things are just repeating itself. I love him dearly, when things are good, he is lovely to be around. He is an alcoholic and has been doing fairly well, but recently he went on a binge over the weekend. I’m ready to give up.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concern and we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. It is difficult to be with a person that requires you to constantly defend yourself and your actions. It is important for him to recognize that trust is really important within a relationship, but he needs to be willing to change and improve to make it strong and healthy. At the end of the day you need to make sure you are doing what you need, to take care of yourself. Please reach out to our 24/7 support and information line with any questions you may have or for additional support at 916.920.2952.

 Who can help me when my husband is being mentally abusive towards me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear you are experiencing this right now, but we want you to know it is very brave o to reach out for help. In situations such as mental abuse, it can be helpful to have a plan of people who you can call for support. In terms of how WEAVE can help, utilizing the support and information line can be one way to get that support. We can be reached 24/7 at 916-920-2952. In addition to the support line, it may also be helpful to come into weave for a triage and speak with one of our counselors. We offer triage three days a week, Tuesdays from 12-2pm, Wednesdays form 5-7pm, and Thursdays from 12-2pm. This is all our midtown location, which is at 1900 K Street in Sacramento. You are not alone and there is support available.

My son and his wife live in my mobile home and he’s mentally abusive to her and she runs to me I live next door in a camper. she here lately has done it once a week my husband is sick of it and told me to take her to her mom or dads or back to trailer. he works hard 6 days a week and my son and his wife don’t work and yesterday my husband couldn’t find his air gage and a tool in shed was not put back where it goes so I go and tell son he goes off saying that’s his trailer and screaming n I heard him slamming doors. He is losing his mind and getting worse he’s 36 years old and his wife is 34 and she has 3 boys but she can’t see them and my son has 3 he can’t see he cusses me like a dog. I’m getting worried about him going to get kicked out not really but still I do he is my son and cops all they do is put someone in jail and fines and stuff that’s not necessary. [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about all these things going on. For your son’s wife, we would encourage you to give her WEAVE’s information and support line number 916-920-2952. When you give her this phone number, you can share that we are available 24/7 and able to provide her with support, safety planning, and resources that may be helpful for her situation. For everything going on with your son, it may be helpful to look into getting a restraining order or look at other ways to set boundaries. For more information on options or additional support, you can also call the support and information line at 916-920-2952.

Just writing here because I’ve been in a terrible situation that I tried to finally get out of and it just escalated. The man who I’ve been dating for three years has been emotional abusive and gaslighting me the entire time. He has extreme anger issues and I’m scared to fall asleep next to him since he often screams in rage. Just recently while on vacation while joking around he started to choke me and only stopped after I pretended to pass out. After this situation I knew it was time to leave so a few days ago I tried to break it off. I am trying to get my new phone line before I attempt to end things again with him but I’m not sure about any of the legal issues that he can potentially charge me with and was wondering if there’s anything I can do. (I would prefer no police as my town is excessively small and he’s friends with all of them) [edited for length]. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing violence in your current relationship. It sounds like he has taken control of your relationship and is manipulating you into staying with him by threatening you. We advise you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You need to work with a Domestic Violence agency near you and go over a case plan and safety planning in order for you to leave him. You may also benefit from speaking to an attorney in order to get legal advice about your options. Although you are afraid of what he can do, you don’t deserve to be treated that way and to stay with him because of fear.
MY GIRLFRIEND LEAVES IN A TANTRUM THEN COMES BACK WITH COPS RIGHT AWAY DO I HAVE TO GIVE HER HER STUFF, OR CAN I MAKE HER WAIT? Thank you for contacting us with your question. We cannot offer legal advice but we do suggest you work with your local law enforcement agency to find out what the best option is for you and your girlfriend regarding her belongings. If you have any other questions or would like support and information, please feel free to call us at 916-920-2952.

I live in an apartment building and suspect a neighbor is being physically abused by her boyfriend. I have reported my concerns both to management and security patrol as soon as I hear what sounds like abuse: yelling, cursing by the boyfriend, the female screaming and crying and items being thrown and smashed against the wall. I don’t know the young lady and I don’t feel comfortable approaching her about it. What else can I do? They have a baby and I can’t bear the thought of him/her losing its mother or growing up and either being abused or being an abuser.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We understand your concerns, based on what you shared it seems like it might be domestic violence or a co-combative relationship, but it’s hard to know. It can be uncomfortable to reach out to her since it’s a very touchy subject, and she might not be ready to open up and/or admit there is domestic violence. While it’s good for you to have reached out to management and the security patrol, that might be all you can do. You may consider contacting law enforcement next time it happens at their non-emergency line 916.264.5471 and reporting your concerns, since there is also a baby in the home. Law enforcement is trained to deal with domestic violence and they have information and resources that they can provide to survivors once they are called to a home. Thank you for being a caring neighbor.

The guy I’m seeing demands total control of me, he always says things like, “no lip, do you want this to end, you’re my little slut” etc. we have just started seeing one another and he already wants me to move in with him, claiming I’m perfect for him and he knows I need him. None of which I have said myself. He also isn’t following the complete consent rules of BDSM. I’ve explained my hard limits and he’s shown little to no care of them. I’m confused because when he’s not in the mood he’s very sweet and I just melt around him but it’s a literal flip of the switch. He says I shouldn’t see my friends unless he deems it necessary. So I guess after all this my question is, how much further could this escalate to a point of no longer being safe? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear your partner isn’t respecting you, or your boundaries. Healthy relationships, especially those in BDSM/kink communities, rely on all participating members to adhere strictly to boundaries and consent. You are the one who defines what is safe for you, and what isn’t. If you feel unsafe, you may want to safety plan around what your next steps should be. Similarly, if you ever feel like you are unsafe, please call 911. Also, you can call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this situation with one of our advocates, to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you.
My ex is in jail for serious domestic violence against myself, some involving the children. The children’s court appointed solicitor is recommending to judge to terminate my ex’s parental rights, given his serve mental illness and suicide attempts. I’m worried for our safety upon his realise, my solicitor said we will talk about that very soon, I’m worried they will suggest that I relocate to a different city town, I love where I leave. Is it possible to make a order that he has to relocate taking into consideration he does not recall have a permanent home anyway. I feel he should be sent to a mental health rehab upon release who should I discuss this with? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you and your children are going through this. We can’t really advise you here without fully knowing your case and 
since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

What’s considered domestic violence. My boyfriend an I got in an agreement because he called me stupid an retarted after I couldn’t remember a password I use a year ago. I told him that was not ok to call me that and he said it again. So then I said your stupid and retarted if I’m at. Basically letting him know that it doesn’t feel good to be called that. He said leave him alone and he don’t want to talks about it. He left room and went in patio and close sliding door. I went to open it and he push me twice while it was half way open and close it when my thighs was still in between. I don’t think he realize my legs was still in between the door. He said leave me alone when he push my twice. This never happen before. I did not put my hands on him. He said if I just left him alone then it would of never happen. He said he had a bad day at wrk and not himself today. I know his human and humans get emotional and make mistakes. He said it will never happen again.

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this right now. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there has been some emotional or verbal abuse occurring. Although it is true that humans make mistakes, if you feel frightened or intimated by your boyfriend it may be helpful to reach out for support.  If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

So, my parents are splitting up after 30 years of marriage. For context, I’m a 22 year old female living at my parents’ house in Houston, Texas, and I’m the eldest of three sisters. My dad has a lot of anger management issues, and on the night of Christmas Eve, he and my mom got into an altercation involving my two younger sisters (I was in bed at the time, I heard everything but did not see it). I guess why I’m writing to you guys is this. Is it okay to feel deeply sorry for my dad, even though he’s the abuser? I know my dad well, and I know he regrets it every minute and that he’s ashamed of his behavior. I love my dad, and I want him in my life, but is this all right to want? What do I do? How should I feel? This is the worst and strangest situation I’ve ever been in, and I don’t know what to do [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear everything you are going through as a family right now, it must be