LGBTQ Message Board

Message Board

LGBTQ Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question  on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in three business days.
 

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails.


Questions Answers
How do know if you’re asexual and how do you tell your partner you don’t want to be constantly cuddly/kissy like that? I’ve believed I’m just bisexual for years, but recently my friend has recently made me question myself as I’m very un-physical, my boyfriend and I are completely opposite because he’s extremely cuddly and enjoys physical touch, I on the other hand hate it, but believe I have to accept it because he enjoys it.  Sexuality and the labels we feel fit our sexuality can sometimes be a moving target. It’s ok to be unsure. Asexuality can look differently for different people, and while no one can define your experience, GLAAD.org has a breakdown of some of the Asexual/Aromantic spectrum that might be helpful (found at: https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community). It sounds like you feel some discomfort with the way that things are now. Your wants/needs deserve to be heard. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your relationship. While we can’t tell you exactly what that looks like for you, or what you should do, we can offer support as you navigate through these complicated topics. You can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org. You can also call The Trevor Project at 1-800-488-7386. 
A few months ago I was feeling a much stronger attraction to some of my male friends. More than a “bromance” level. I also noticed that I still prefer girls but also like boys. I then came to the conclusion that I’m bi. I feel like and imposter for being able to mostly come to terms with my sexuality. I read stories from online from people who were questioning for years before being able to come to terms with theirs. I’ve had crushes on guys from summer camp, people on my track team. Am I really bi?  Hello, thank for reaching out to WEAVE. Everyone is different, but everyone deserves to be true to themselves. You know yourself best, and you should trust what you know about your lived experience. It sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed as you explore your identity, and while we can’t give you answers, we can give you resources, so you don’t have to go through this alone. You can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org. You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386 if that sounds like something that would be helpful.  
I have been really confused for a while now and I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m not a girl, like I look in the mirror and I just don’t feel quite right and when I think about being a girl I don’t know it just doesn’t make as much sense as before. I talked about this one of my friends and she told me it was just a stupid phase that everyone goes through and I should stop making everything more complicated for attention, but I don’t really want attention I’m just so confused. I am a boy? I feel like a boy and when I think about being a boy it just feels more right, but what if I go through all this stuff like telling people i’m a boy and changing my name and stuff and I end up being wrong that just feels so embarrassing I hate being wrong. I just really need some advice from someone who isn’t trans phobic, which is another thing my mom is accepting of most of the LGBTQ community, but not trans people she doesn’t understand it and when I passingly brought the topic up to her she played it off as a joke, I really don’t want to upset my family I just want to understand what’s going on and I really need some help  Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing with us, it takes so much courage. You know yourself best, and you should trust what you know about your lived experience.  You can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org. You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386 if that sounds like something that would be helpful.  

is it possible to identify as queer and unlabeled? Or should I pick one 

 
 

Hello thank you for contacting us. You may “label” your sexual identity however you please. If you would like to identify as solely Queer, that is completely okay.  If you would like to speak more about this, or have any additional questions about anything, please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
I’m very confused about this. I was born a female, but was always more “boyish”. Once puberty hit, my body started to become more feminine (breasts, hips,…). The more prominent these got, the more I hated them. It has come to the point where I often have trouble looking at my body without wanting to cry, and I feel very anxious. Some days I don’t mind as much, but others I kind of wish I wasn’t born a woman. I would be the happiest if I could just chop my breasts off and have much more narrow hips, yet at the same time, I don’t really mind my genitals or people using she/her pronouns for me (at the same time I don’t really mind any pronouns). Could I be trans or non-binary? I’m having a lot of trouble trying to figure out what’s happening.  I’m very confused about this. I was born a female, but was always more “boyish”. Once puberty hit, my body started to become more feminine (breasts, hips,…). The more prominent these got, the more I hated them. It has come to the point where I often have trouble looking at my body without wanting to cry, and I feel very anxious. Some days I don’t mind as much, but others I kind of wish I wasn’t born a woman. I would be the happiest if I could just chop my breasts off and have much more narrow hips, yet at the same time, I don’t really mind my genitals or people using she/her pronouns for me (at the same time I don’t really mind any pronouns). Could I be trans or non-binary? I’m having a lot of trouble trying to figure out what’s happening. 
So as of now I identify as Demisexual, My dilemma is that I identify as demisexual because I am uncomfortable having a sexual relation with someone I don’t know or haven’t know for a time. My questions if what I have described is demisexual, (for lack of a beter term) overly cautiousness, or an entirely more fitting sexuality. Please Help  Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you’re exploring your sexuality and romantic attraction. Sexuality is fluid and can be a tricky thing to navigate – it’s ok to feel uncertain. All these things can change over time, or even day to day. Finding a label that feels right to you can be so important and validating, but it’s also ok not to be certain right now or to feel like you are outside any existing labels. You know yourself best, but we can provide you with resource to help as you explore different aspects of your identity. You are not alone. You can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org. You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386 if that sounds like something that would be helpful. Everyone is different, but everyone deserves to be true to themselves. 
Ive always been attracted to men. When I was 12 years old I had many sexual experiences with girls. Until now I tried to hide that memory. This year I realised I’m attracted to both, but only sexually attracted to women and not emotionally. I don’t know what to call this.  Thank you for contacting us.  It seems that you are curious about you’re the exploration of your sexuality and would like advice on how you can define this. I would like for you to know that only you can define what this means for you and that you aren’t obligated to assign your preference to any pre-determined label. If you would like to speak with someone to further discuss your experience and receive guidance counseling, please call our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
My male friend said to me “if you weren’t a lesbian, i would date you”. Is it valid to be bothered by this or am i over-reacting? made me feel like i was some weird “forbidden fruit”  Hello, thank you for reaching out with your concerns. I would like you to know that your emotions are valid, and you have every right to feel the way you do. I am not aware of the full context behind why your friend would make this remark, so I cannot fully gauge what their possible intent may have been. Since this is someone, you view as a friend, it would be a great practice to perceive their words with positive intent. If something they have said has bothered you, try to effectively communicate to them that you need clarity, to prevent a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, everyone’s communication styles differ, and your friend could have possibly been attempting to compliment you. I would encourage you to ask your friend exactly what their intent was behind that comment and share with them the way it made you feel. If you would like more support and to speak with someone, please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
I was born a man. I say I am bisexual. But I romantically only like girls as for relationships. But I have sex with guys and girls. I wear men’s clothing in public except I wear panties an bras underneath. I shave most my pubic area an the top 1/2 of my thys. I have short hair, grow a mustache and go key most of the time.But like lotion, an staying clean. What should I be labeled as an is it normal? I feel I may be just a fem man. But also am very masculine in the things I do and ways I act at times. I am confused please help.  Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Your gender and sexual identity are very personal to you, and it’s normal to feel some confusion as you explore what labels feel right. Finding a label that feels accurate to you can be validating, however it’s also ok to feel like no label quite describes your experience. There is no right or wrong way to be yourself, regardless of whether you find a label for it. We can’t tell you what your labels, pronouns, or identity should be – but we can provide resources as your explore the areas you choose. You can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org . You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386 if that sounds like something that would be helpful. Everyone is different, but everyone deserves to be true to themselves.    

I don’t know what to do. 

 

I’m demisexual and I’m a bit sex repulsed, but just now I was reading some smut (bc I do it for fun, I don’t really feel anything) and I came? for the first time, and I feel really awful. It doesn’t feel nice. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that this situation has left you feeling confused and awful. Exploring different aspects of yourself can be confusing, especially when your body reacts differently than your mind. Your experience is completely normal and however you feel about it is okay. Sometimes people find it helpful to talk about their experiences. The Trevor Project provides a safe and judgment-free space to talk on their 24/7 TrevorLifeline. If you are comfortable and open to talking, then you can reach them at 1-866-488-7386.   

Selfhelp housing put me in another abusive housing situation my roommate has threatened many times that she’s gonna get a bunch of guys to beat me up and has looked right at me saying she starts fires with gas meaning our gas stove and she has been in my room while I slept and gone through my purse tonight I caught her shining a flashlight in my window at 12 midnight when I moved she left the window but came back a half he later and whispered I’m gonna kill you through my window now she’s blowing meth threw my door and I’m on probation I cant keep the window open when I sleep cause that’s how she got in but now I cant air out my room. I’m scared she is constantly threatening me with violence yesterday she said if I go in her fridge which she uses mine too she’d break my jaw.  
What can I do I dont have money to run away from the house and my caseworker knows she’s this violent and is going on vacation. 

 

I’m 55 and I’ve only been here 6 days and she even has her boy friend living here free and it’s supposed to be an all women house 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. I cannot imagine how stressful and scary being in this situation must be. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and you should be able to have housing where you feel safe. It looks like you have been trying to resolve this issue through your caseworker and have not been getting the assistance that you need. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence. We would encourage you to reach out to you caseworker and continue inform them of your situation. You can also reach out to A Community for Peace; they might be able to provide you with services or assistance. They can be reached at (916) 728-7210. 
 So I think I’m bi (I’m a girl) and I feel like I’m very strong attracted to girls but I can’t imagine like married life with a woman . Whereas I’m not as strongly attracted to men but I can imagine married life with a man. Is this because of heteronormativity or am I not bi  Hi, thanks so much for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing. Exploring your sexuality can be a confusing process, it’s ok to feel uncertain. Heteronormative standards can certainly affect the way we think about ourselves; but everyone’s journey is different, and you know yourself best. While we can’t provide definitive answers, we can provide resources for you. Some find it helpful to talk to someone else like a trusted friend. Or if it sounds helpful for you, you can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org . You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386. Most importantly, you should know it’s normal to have questions about your sexuality, and it’s ok not to be certain. You are not alone in this. 
I have a friend who’s in his late 20s with a boyfriend in his mid-40s. According to my friend, it’s been months since they last had sex. Have you ever been in a similar situation? Any advise for him/them?  Thank you for reaching out WEAVE, though we try to answer questions on our message board to the best of our ability, this question is out of our scope, but we want you to get the support you need. We believe that The Trevor Project will be able to provide you with support around coming out and information regarding your question. You can reach The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. 
Tips on binding while in the closet. I’ve been using sports bras and I want some tips on other ways.  Thank you for reaching out WEAVE, some find it helpful to talk to someone from an organization like the Trevor Project or the LGBT National Hotline. They both provide safe spaces to talk to someone anonymously and access resources. You can reach the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 and the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564.  

So today absolutely backfired. I was trying to come out to two of my friends but it still felt like it was never the right time. Like I was about to say it and then someone else would say something. I need advice on this because I find it harder and harder to feel comfortable while not being myself. Please help. 

 

Hi there, thanks for reaching out and having the courage to share today. Feeling like you aren’t able to be true to yourself can be such a difficult feeling, you deserve to feel safe expressing who you are. Coming out is an incredibly personal process, and it looks different for everyone. Some people find it easier to come out to one safe person first, or to write out what they want to say beforehand – but it all depends on what feels right for you. Whatever you decide, you don’t have to go through this alone. Some find it helpful to talk to someone from an organization like the Trevor Project or the LGBT National Hotline. They both provide safe spaces to talk to someone anonymously and access resources. You can reach the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 and the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564. Your story is your own, but you don’t have to be in this alone. 
So for the past 6 months or so I’ve been experiencing dysphoria. I think I am trans but is it normal for the name and pronouns to still feel a bit awkward? The social dysphoria is pretty bad to the point of cringing every time I hear my dead name and related things. However when the name I chose is actually used by the people I’m out to, it feels a bit weird. Sometimes I even almost call myself by my dead name. I guess it’s because it’s what has been used all my life, but I can’t help but wonder if this happens to other trans guys.  It’s ok to feel uncertain, you are not alone. Thank you for having the courage to share with us. There is no set process or feelings that go along with choosing a new name. Dysphoria is incredibly difficult to live with, and it affects everyone differently. Sometimes people find it helpful to get connected with organizations that can provide you with support and advocacy. One of those local to Sacramento is the Gender Health Center. They provide advocacy, support groups, counseling services, name and gender paperwork assistance, and a hormone clinic/help folks obtain hormones through their PCP, among other services. Their phone number is (916) 455-2391. You can also call the Trevor Project at 1-800-488-7386 for confidential support.  
I am a bi trans male(ftm) and I’ve known for a bit. I want to come out to my friends first, but I’m wondering how I should do it. And it always feels like it’s never the right time. I need advice on when to do it. I think that for my friends I want to come out by telling them instead of something like a cake or some other thing. These seem a lot shorter than some of the others Hi there, thank you for reaching out to share your story with us here at WEAVE. It can be a big step to come out, and you know yourself best in terms of when and how to come out. Some find it helpful to talk to someone else during the coming out process. Some choose a trusted friend or family member, and some reach out to services like the LGBT National Hotline or the Trevor Project. you can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org. You can reach the Trevor Project at 1-800-488-7386. Whatever you decide, know that you are not alone.  
I’m gay, and had to leave college to stay w my religious, homophobic family for the first several months of the pandemic. The day I was due to (secretly) leave, my psychopathic brother attacked me. I almost died and have been physically scarred for life. 
 
My brother is a cop, faced no repercussions (my injuries were framed as an accident by my whole family) and has a history of cyberstalking me. Im living with my boyfriend and have changed my name, and feel mostly safe now, but I’ve recently started looking him up compulsively. I know it’s unhealthy bc it sends me into anxiety attacks and fits of depression but I can’t bring myself to tell my therapist about it. I just want to know why I’m doing that. It feels so shameful and self defeating - logically, I know how stupid it is. Do I want him to find me or something? Please, I’m trying so hard to move on. I just need an explanation for my own behavior. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being open with us about what you have been experiencing. I am sorry that you have been attacked by your family. It seems that you could benefit from a few of our services. We would love to help with your safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. 
Am I bisexual? (19, female) 
I fantasize about kissing and being with certain female friends, have gay sex dreams (that I really enjoy), and watch lesbian porn. 
However, I am not sexually or romantically attracted to the vast majority of women at all. It is only specific women whom I feel an emotional connection with do I feel this way. Maybe I just really admire them, and am getting confused? Can straight girls have crushes on other girls? Perhaps it is just a friend crush? 
I have never even kissed or done anything sexually in real life with girls or guys and question constantly whether what I’m feeling is sexual/romantic attraction with girls, or just wanting a closer friendship. 
On the other hand, I am confident in my attraction to men 
Hi there, thank you for sharing your story with us. It seems like you’re feeling some confusion about your sexuality. Sexuality is fluid and can change over time, it’s ok to feel a little lost as you’re trying to figure out what fits best for you right now. Sexual activity and sexual fantasies do not always align with sexual orientation. They can, but they do not have to. There are so many labels for different sexual orientations – bisexual, demisexual, heterosexual, pansexual, asexual – you might find one that feels right to you, or you might prefer not to use a label. I realize this may not feel like the answer you hoped for. Everyone’s journey is different, and you know yourself best; but we can provide resources for you. Some find it helpful to talk to someone else like a trusted friend. Or if it sounds helpful for you, you can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org . You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386. Most importantly, you should know it’s normal to have questions about your sexuality, and it’s ok not to be certain. You are not alone in this. 

How Do I Handle Girl At Mechanic Shop That Knows My Ex Girlfriend? 

  

  

The driving manager at my job is assigning me to take the truck I am assigned to drive at this mechanic shop. 

  

There is this girl who works there as a front desk receptionist who coordinates appointments, and calls insurance companies to have them approve transactions. She’s newer, younger, and isn’t a manager. 

  

 

The next oil change, I call and she remembers which day of the week and what time I want the oil change appointment. She remembers me very well and very quick.  She walks past me shaking her butt and tries seducing me. She’s talking different, she’s cussing, she’s trying to act like she’s cool to seduce me to set me up for revenge of my ex girlfriend. 

  

Next oil change, as I enter, she stares at me, I feel nervous, I leave and wait outside.

Two hours later, the oil change is still not done, and she takes her sweater off and yells at me “If you want to be at a certain place, you need to be here before 1.” She’s condescending me, arguing, and yells at me like how my ex used to. 

  

 

She’s trying to make me look rude by setting me up to pressure the company I work for to fire me in revenge for my ex girlfriend. 

  

 

  

She acts like my boss. “If you want your truck done on time, you need to talk to me so I can set you up to bully you for revenge of your ex girlfriend.” Kind of mentality. 

  

She’s like a dominatrix. I treat her the same as Everyone else does and yet she pretends to ignore me, then she argues and talks A LOT at me.

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have been constantly dealing with this situation. I cannot imagine how overwhelming and stressful it must be. I am not sure what your relationship is with this person, but you might want to consider talking to your manager or the manager at the mechanic shop about this situation. They might be able assist you with navigating this situation. Dealing with these types of situations can be hard and tricky. Thanks for sharing.

I am in the middle of a court battle with my ex girlfriend. We ended up becoming mutually toxic and abusive to each other. I ended up with pending charges. This is going to sound surprising, but I genuinely want to be able to support victims of domestic violence (which psychological abuse has a long term negative effect on your brains functioning) but that’s not an easy case to prove. 
Anyways! I was wondering if you could provide me with some tips on how to support and volunteer for causes like these with a pending record. I am having so much trouble finding jobs and now I found a passion for helping kids like i was who suffer from long term ACE. 
If you have any advice on how I can still support my community, please respond! 
P.s. soory I didnt know how to email you directly. 

Additional comments: 

My circumstances seem highly questionable but I am finally ready to become a better person than I was before. I had a weak value system and didn’t stand up for my boundaries when I needed myself the most. I refuse to let my past traumas continue to hinder my future. And I know my purpose is to help young adults or kids prevent themselves from walking down the same path I had to in order to find my purpose. To help those who have no voice, learn that they do matter and their voice was made to be heard. Proud Supporter of ACE programs. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You took the first step, and it sounds like you want to make positive changes. We try our best to answer all questions, but any legal advice is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support and clarification about your pending charges. If you are looking for support during this time, you can also call Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. 
Hi!! 
I’ve never done this before but I have three questions: 
1. how do I know if I’m a trans guy or just nonbinary because I’ve been out as nonbinary for a few years now and I’ve been having an identity crisis recently and I can’t tell if I’m just nonbinary or actually wanting to be a guy, I’m really confused right now and can’t figure out who I am because for so long I thought I knew who I was? but now I’m really questioning and can’t tell who or what I am :). I don’t know if that was good enough. 
2.How do I start asking people to refer to me as a different name? because whenever I bring things up like that around my mother she ends up trying to guilt-trip me about how “she took so much effort and put it into choosing my birth name and how it’s so pretty and she loves it” and it always makes me feel shitty for even wanting to think about choosing a name but I can never figure out how to do it or understand how to do it kindly and barely anyone can get my pronouns right despite how simple it is to grasp the concept of they/them pronouns? and it makes me feel bad to want to ask people for more than what I originally asked a year or two ago and I don’t want to be mean. 
3. How do I know if I’m ”normal” or aromantic? because I’ve looked up the definition of aromantic? and it feels like it makes sense to who I am and like I’ve experienced something like that before and it feels like that could be me? but I also feel like I haven’t been able to find the perfect person? other than now maybe and I don’t really know what to do about it? I can’t really explain my question very well or how I feel about it but i hope that makes sense? 
Thank you for reaching out to share with us at WEAVE. We appreciate your bravery and honesty. It sounds like you’re exploring your sexuality and romantic attraction. Sexuality is fluid and can be a tricky thing to navigate – it’s ok to feel uncertain. All these things can change over time, or even day to day. Finding a label that feels right to you can be so important and validating, but it’s also ok not to be certain right now. It’s so hard to feel dismissed by others when you tell them your name and/or pronouns, you shouldn’t feel bad or mean for advocating for yourself. You deserved to be referred to by your name and pronouns, even if they differ from what you were assigned at birth. Regarding whether you are aromantic or not, there is no easy answer. You know yourself best, but we can provide you with resources to help as you explore different aspects of your identity. You are not alone. You can call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or email them at help@LGBThotline.org . You can also call The Trevor Project which offers a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386 if that sounds like something that would be helpful. Everyone is different, but everyone deserves to be true to themselves.  
Hey, I need a little advice. Or guidance, as it were. 
 
I’ve known and been out about my attraction to women since I was 16. I thought I was lesbian, but then I felt queer was more acceptable. Less pressure. Or Bisexual maybe as I’ve had fleeting crushes, I believe. Either way, I’ve always felt at odds with my sexuality. 
 
The thing is, I had a one-night stand and despite protection used, I got pregnant. I don’t really know why I decided to sleep with him to be honest. And now the father is involved witch is great and he is brilliant with our child, but he recently said he wants me and our child, to be a united family. And that’s where the problems have arisen for me. 
 
When I imagined the future, I imagined us being co-parents with our child, but I never really imagined us together. I imagined us separate raising her together, it didn’t occur to me to imagine anything else. 
 
I get on with men brilliantly, but not so brilliantly on the occasions that have developed into something. I’ve dated men for very very short-term relationships. Most to be honest cant even be counted as proper relationships, im talking a few weeks at most where I hardly actually saw some in that time. And I’ve certainly never missed or been heartbroken when I leave. I just, leave. 
 
I like the companionship, and I don’t mind the occasional cuddles, but it’s everything else. It’s never been a massive issue as I didn’t bother dating anyway, but obviously, this time I’m having to assess some things as this is a potential family being made that however we end up my child will be used to and will grow up with and will face the outcome as we will. 
 
I have never had any interest to have sex with guys unless I’ve had a drink, and even then it’s boring and I usually regret it and wait for it to be over. It’s more I get a bit frisky after a drink than seeking them out. And when I’m sober I usually get uncomfortable alone with them in case they initiate because I’m not interested past the cuddling. 
 
I like him, he’s brilliant, and we get on really well. I just don’t think I like him how I should be liking him. People around me ask as if I should be really into him by now. 
 
I don’t really know what any of this means, or if maybe it’s more normal than it feels? 
 
I’m just so confused, and I feel trapped in a corner with both our families and his expectations and not even knowing who I am and what to do here. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and opening up about this, it’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now. Sexuality is fluid and can be a confusing thing to navigate. It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this situation. It’s hard to feel the weight of other people’s expectations for you, and it’s ok to feel confused. You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel fulfilled and secure. That might look different for everyone, you know yourself and your story best, so only you can make those determinations. But you are not alone, there is support out there for you. Some people find it helpful to talk with a trusted friend, or to seek out counseling services. There are also resources like The Trevor Project that offer a safe and confidential space to talk. You can reach them at 1-800-488-7386 if that sounds like something that would be helpful. You can also call the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or by email at help@LGBThotline.org . They can provide you with confidential support and local resources. Again, you are the expert in your own life, so you will know if any of these resources sound like a good fit for you.  
Hi. Im sorta scared to do this as ive never done anything like this at all. Im a polysexual nonbinary teen, just trying to live my life as i should be allowed to. Its hard. Im really struggling with who I am. Im scared to open up and talk about who i like and who i am. I feel as though no one is going to want to stand by my side. 
 
I guess my question is, how do accpet myself and the additionally how do i tell others and hope they will accept me. LGBTQ+ isnt talked about a lot in my household but im pretty sure my parents are ‘Theres only 2 genders’ type of people. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can see from your post that you are exploring your sexuality and trying to navigate your romantic attraction. Sexuality is fluid and it can be confusing at times trying to figure it out. This experience is completely normal and it is okay if you are still trying to understand everything.  You deserve to live your life openly and be able to express yourself without having to worry about whether there would be any consequences. Though this situation can be confusing and overwhelming, it is important to think about you.  You are the expert on your life, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. Some people find it helpful to talk with someone about their experiences. If you are open, we encourage you to reach out to a supportive person in your life. You can also contact, The Trevor Project for more support at 1-800-488-7386. They offer a confidential, safe space to talk. 
My partner and I want to have a baby. We are a same sex lesbian couple. Not married. Can I put her on the birth certificate in place of “the father”?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. If you are comfortable, we suggest reaching out to your local county records office or the LGBT national hotline at 888-843-4564, or by email at help@LGBThotline.org . They can provide you with confidential support and local resources/information. You are the expert in your own life, so you will know if any of these resources sound like a good fit for you. 
I’m questioning being LGBTQ. I don’t know if I have a crush or if I’m in love or if it’s normal/insecurities or romantic or sexual or what. I might like my same-sex best friend though. I get jealous when she talks to other people, especially in our friend group, and insecure that she’s going to like them more, I don’t get insecure though when it’s just two people in our group. My best friend says her mom is her best friend, and she can talk to her about anything/everything, but she can’t with me, and I get jealous about that. She also doesn’t tell me much, and last fall, she told me about her previous and current crushes and told me she loved me often, and then later told me she regretted all that, even though it was one of the better times of my life, as I felt trusted and happy -I had never had a real best friend before, and she’s the first one I could confide in and be 100% myself. I notice that she smells good, and like to snuggle with her. I also have always said I don’t like hugs so I don’t get that from anyone else, so maybe it’s just a lack of physical touch in my life. I’ve started to not mind hugs from close friends though. At sleepovers, I like to sleep next to her, and be really close facing each other. I like to breathe face to face with other girls though too, even whom I’m not friends with, but haven’t wanted to snuggle with them (maybe sometimes at night but never during the day). At night, I sometimes think about her/imagine her right next to me as I’m trying to fall asleep. My friend sent a picture of me and an old friend sleeping close together, half on top of each other/breathing close to the other’s face, and the night she sent that/a couple after I imagined that scene instead of my best friend. I also like to share drinks/food with my best friend, and will sometimes make sure to drink out of the bottle or cup/straw or whatever right after she did. I also don’t think I’d mind if she saw me naked, or at least changing, but I don’t know. I think I want her to see me changing though, and I want to see her, but maybe it’s just a trust/insecurity thing, since we’ve both changed in front of others before but the opportunity hasn’t really come up when it’s just us. We did, kind of, after going in the pool once, but it was a public locker room so I made sure to keep the towel around me the whole time. I did glance towards her multiple times though I think. I think I said everything. I’m just wondering if that’s normal or if I’m LGBTQ+ (And if you think you know what I am of LGBTQ+).  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can see from your post that you are exploring your sexuality and trying to navigate your romantic attraction. Sexuality is fluid and it can be confusing at times trying to figure it out. This experience is completely normal and it is okay if you are still trying to understand everything.  You deserve to live your life openly and be able to express yourself without having to worry about whether there would be any consequences. Though this situation can be confusing and overwhelming, it is important to think about you.  You are the expert on your life, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. Some people find it helpful to talk with someone about their experiences. If you are open, we encourage you to reach out to a supportive person in your life. You can also contact, The Trevor Project for more support at 1-800-488-7386. They offer a confidential, safe space to talk. 
Hi, I am currently VERY confused. I’m a girl and I have always imagined myself growing up and having a husband and kids. But then I met this girl and she is one of my best friends. I then started having dreams and visions and made scenarios where I engaged or getting married and I was just so happy. I smile every time I think of her and get giddy and nervous trying to text her. But at the same time, there is also a boy that does kind of the same thing to me. I get nervous and giddy trying to text him and play it off at school and to my friends as I hate him but really I think he’s adorable. The problem is that I can picture myself on a date or romantically involved with either, but sexually I absolutely hate the idea of a boy putting his thing in me and I’ve tried watching porn but it always grosses me out when girls act like they are lollipops or something. However, I do like the idea of a girl. Other things that tie into this are that whenever I see a couple or something the first thing I always notice is the girl in it and when I watch a tv show or movie my favorite characters and ships are 95% of the time gay. I’m so confused and stressed and I’m too embarrased and shy to talk to anyone about it. Thanks xx  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can see from your post that you are exploring your sexuality and trying to navigate your romantic attraction. Sexuality is fluid and it can be confusing at times trying to figure it out. This experience is completely normal and it is okay if you are still trying to understand everything.  You deserve to live your life openly and be able to express yourself without having to worry about whether there would be any consequences. Though this situation can be confusing and overwhelming, it is important to think about you.  You are the expert on your life, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. Some people find it helpful to talk with someone about their experiences. If you are open, we encourage you to reach out to a supportive person in your life. You can also contact, The Trevor Project for more support at 1-800-488-7386. They offer a confidential, safe space to talk. 
Dear reader, 
 
Uh, hi! I came here to ask three simple questions. The first one being, how do I know I’m bi or just a lesbian? I’ve been having some mixed feelings about my sexuality. I have already come to the fact that I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve never had a crush on any guys, much less had a relationship with them. But I do have a crush on a girl right now, too bad she’s not real. I have seen some websites that said that maybe I just haven’t met a guy who I could possibly have a crush on. Okay, next question. How do I come out of the closet to my Christan parents? I feel scared to come out. Anyways, back to the point. I’m really scared to come out. I don’t want to get disowned. My mom and I were watching the news about same-sex marriage, and she asked my opinion. I explained that it was a great idea to have same-sex marriage, even for all the queer people out there. Then she said that it was a bad idea. She explained that God made two genders, a man, and a woman and that the reason he did that was so that they could mate. She also implied that she believed that being homosexual is a sin, which I don’t think it is. I mean, I have searched online “Is being homosexual a sin?” and all of the websites I went to said that it was fine, that God accepted it. They even went into the bible and it didn’t say anything about homosexuality being a sin. And yes, I have told my closest friends in my friend group and found out that my best friend is actually pan! Let’s call her Laura. Anyway, that’s great news! Now I can have an LGBTQ+ friend that understands how I feel. Which leads to the next question. What do I do? What do I do after I tell them I’m homosexual? Actually, Laura and I are planning to run away. We’re actually set on the idea. We’ve planned everything out. Of course, it’s not perfect, but we’re still willing to try. Should I run away? I was going to ask my friend if we should come out before we run away, just in case our parents actually do accept us and we don’t have to run. I also know it’s kinda late to say this, but I also have depression and anxiety (just like Laura). I have told my parents, but I lied about how severe it was. That’s why I don’t have any therapy. I’ve been wanting to cut myself. I’ve been wanting to pull a JD (Heathers: The Musical reference) and fight pain with more pain. In the past, I have tried to hang myself before, but the rope broke before I could die. I’m scared. What do I do? 
 
Yours truly, 
Ms. Confused 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are exploring different aspects of your sex life and this question regarding coming out to your family seems to be causing you some anxiety. We want you to know that wanting to know the answer to this question is normal and valid. It can be scary when you do not know how someone will react. I am glad to hear that your friends are supportive.  Though we try to answer questions on our message board to the best of our ability, this question is out of our scope. We believe that The Trevor Project will be able to provide you with support around coming out and information regarding your question. You can reach The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 and check out their information on coming out at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center. 
Hi, I’m a questioning girl. Up until recently last year, I felt sexual and romantic attraction towards boys and got turned on by scenes in books that had boys and girls were dating. But during quarantine, one of my friends came out. She recommended an anime series called Yuri on Ice to me, and I watched it. I discovered that I really liked gay couples too. I continued to read books where there were LGBTQ couples, and eventually I noticed that I didn’t feel any sexual attraction towards boys anymore, although I still did have romantic attraction towards them. I don’t understand my sexuality, and feel freaked out. Is this normal? 
 
I also do not understand my gender identity. I do not mind being called the pronouns she/her/hers, and would feel weird if anyone referred to me as they/them. Up until recently I didn’t doubt that I was a girl too. But I started to feel like my body didn’t suit me. I disliked that I was going through puberty, and felt like I might feel more comfortable in a boy’s body. But I do like wearing skirts and dresses, since those are clothes I feel most comfortable in. I’m really confused, and don’t know wether I’m a girl, non-binary, or what. 
 
But even if I do find out my sexual/gender identity, I don’t think I’ll ever come out, anytime soon, since I feel so freaked out about even the idea, although my family doesn’t hold anything against the LGBTQ community. But that doesn’t mean they support them either. I just want to clarify my identity. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are exploring different aspects of your sex life and that can bring up some questions. We want you to know that this is normal and valid. Though we try to answer questions on our message board to the best of our ability, this question is out of our scope. We believe that The Trevor Project will be able to provide you with support around coming out and information regarding your question. You can reach The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. 
My best friend and I come from conservative families, and we were talking today about lgbtq and her thoughts on it. She said that she didn’t have a problem with it, but she didn’t support it at all. I am bisexual and was planning on coming out to her today, but now I don’t know what to do. What do I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are exploring different aspects of your sex life and this question regarding coming out to your best friend seems to be causing you some anxiety. It can be hard and scary to open up if you are unsure how someone will react. Though we try to answer questions on our message board to the best of our ability, this question is out of our scope but we want you to get the support you need. We believe that The Trevor Project will be able to provide you with support around coming out and information regarding your question. You can reach The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386. 
A few months ago, I began questioning my sexuality, in doing so I have figured out I was asexual. But I’m still questioning who I’m attracted to romantically, but I have a good idea. I think I’m attracted to males and females. I want to tell my friends that I’m asexual biromantic, but I’m scared. My friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community, but I’m afraid that they wont believe me because I’ve never opened up to them about liking the same gender before, I’m also afraid that I’ll tell them, but then I’ll realize I’m something else, and then they’ll think I’m a liar. Is there a way to get past these concerns and become comfortable enough to tell them?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are exploring different aspects of your sex life and this question regarding coming out to your friends seems to be causing you some anxiety. We want you to know that wanting to know the answer to this question is normal and valid. Though we try to answer questions on our message board to the best of our ability, this question is out of our scope. We believe that The Trevor Project will be able to provide you with support around coming out and information regarding your question. You can reach The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 and check out their information on asexuality at https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/. 
Is there a term for someone who’s assigned sex at birth is male, but they identify as a transmasculine female? They are physically male, but deep down they know they’re a female who has made the choice to present as male. And as far as being physically male goes they’re indifferent, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable about it. It is what it is. It’s not apart of their identity it’s just the body they were given, but who they are is a woman closing to present as male. The only real way they’ve ever felt comfortable describing themselves is “like I’m a butch female that prefers to be called him/he which has nothing to do with having been born in a male body that I’m completely indifferent to.” They’re not indifferent to the fact that they’re female, just their physical sex. If they were born in a female body they’d feel exactly the same on the inside, present exactly the same, and be just as indifferent to their body and being called she/her. Is there a term for that? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are trying to figure out if there is a term for the way that you express yourself. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, this question is out of our scope.  

Hello, I am a ftm trans teen. Though I do not expect to perform any sexual activities anytime soon, I obviously expect that they will happen eventually. I am also gay, and would certainly prefer being a bottom. But, I am wondering if I would feel any sexual pleasure from being penetrated after surgery (getting a penis) (I don’t mean right after surgery, I just mean when I have a penis). I really don’t know or understand if getting a penis would change my sexual pleasure from behind. I know that women can enjoy anal sex, but i really have no idea how a sex-change surgery can affect those types of feelings . This question has been gnawing at me, and I really just want to know so I can better plan out my future, and better understand the differences my sex life will have, as well as how I can enjoy it.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are exploring different aspects of your sex life and this question regarding sex after your surgery seems to be causing you some anxiety. We want you to know that wanting to know the answer to this question is normal and valid. Though we try to answer questions on our message board to the best of our ability, this question is out of our scope. We believe that the Trans Lifeline and The Trevor Project will be able to provide you with support and information regarding your question. You can reach the Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860 and The Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386.  
i think i might be non binary, i don’t know who to go to. i am perfectly fine with my body but being referred to as a girl doesn’t seem right to me, i’m fine with being called someone’s girlfriend but i think i prefer they them pronouns but then again i’ve never tried them i’m just so confused. can anyone help me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your experience. Defining your gender pronouns and finding out what is most comfortable for you can be confusing at times and this is normal. We can be comfortable with certain words, uncomfortable with others, and change what pronouns we prefer during different times in our life. There is no right or wrong way to do this and how you want to define yourself is completely up to you. Provided are some organizations that will be able to provide you more information and support. The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/  and GLADD: https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist 
My child came out to me as transgender. He first came out to me as a lesbian at 10. Now he is 12. I love him whether he’s a boy or a girl, neither or both, although I am still getting used to this change. He isnt ready to come out to family yet, but he is ready to come out at school. I contacted the school.but not sure what else I should do. Is there anything else I should be doing to support my son? Thanks  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I think that it is awesome that your son felt comfortable sharing that information and am happy to read that you are trying to be supportive. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we believe that they are other organizations that would be able to provide you with better information and resources. We recommend starting here: https://www.glaad.org/transgender/resources 
I was just discharged from an inpatient psychiatric care unit. I have an OP against my rapist and ex of 10 years. I found out he named himself my “relative” on my discharge papers. How did he get away with this? Is this a violation if the name he used does not match his legal name or AKA name? I am beyond startled, but also not one bit surprised. I am just beyond belief that everyone on this unit (and GENERAL HOSPITAL security too) knew how dangerous my particular situation was. The last names are the same. Why did nobody catch this? Or just let me know if they had any suspicion? I never once mentioned him…unless I was crying from fear. I don’t know how he could’ve found me. Apart from calling every mental facility in my region. Any tips will help my mind settle and help me habituate so I can behave like the actual healthy human being that I AM. Thank you all. Thanks for being fighters with me. We are not alone. We are so much smarter than them. We have love on our side.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that this has happened and cannot imagine how scary finding out that information must have been. You had an order of protection to keep you safe, so it makes sense why you would have all these questions. Whatever you are feeling is normal and valid. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
Where do I go to file a grievance about WEAVE services?

As a result of the COVID 19 pandemic, WEAVE’s grievance process has been adapted to meet the Sacramento County health directive and any grievance or concern should be submitted via email. You may submit your concerns to info@weaveinc.org. Your email will be forwarded to the appropriate Chief Program Officer who will follow up to speak with you. Please ensure the email is sent from a secure account from which it is safe for a WEAVE employee to respond to.

I am LGBTQ, but I haven’t come out of the closet to my parents. Any tips for doing so?  First of all, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for some guidance. Coming out to anyone can be a scary experience, more so when it is your parents to whom you wish to disclose. If you feel that you are ready to disclose this with them, then go for it, but I want to remind you that you are not obligated to come out to anyone if you are not ready to do so. If you do decide to move forward with telling them, allow them time to process the information. Pick a place and time where you and your parents can talk about the news and there won’t be any interruptions or something rushing the conversation. Remember that you are in control of this conversation,  so hold your boundaries in regards to how much you wish to disclose. Sometimes questions can come up that you are not prepared to answer or don’t wish to disclose at the moment, and that is okay. Set those boundaries.  If for whatever reason you don’t feel comfortable telling your parents face to face, consider writing them a letter and giving it to them at a time when they can process the news. Most importantly, I also encourage you to build a support network before disclosing to your parents, in the event that your parents’ reaction is not one you are looking for. A friend or another family member that you trust can be a source of support during this time. If that is not an option and  you are in the Sacramento area, the Sacramento LGBT Community Center is a great resource, they have coming out groups and all kinds of other groups you can utilize before or after you disclose to your parents, and it is an easy way to meet people and find the support you need during this time. 

Is it weird to like clothing meant for the opposite gender more than the clothing of your own?
(I mean this in terms of how it looks).

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we really appreciate your question and for you creating a space for other folks who may have similar thoughts and feelings to get an answer. We strongly feel that it doesn’t matter what type of clothing you wear, clothing is a fun expression of self-identity and personality, as long as you feel comfortable and authentic that is all that matters! We recognize that society and clothing companies make a lot of money “genderizing” clothing, however it only reinforces harmful gender binaries that leave folks who identify as trans, non-binary, gender fluid, and more, out of the equation and make it unsafe for them to shop comfortably. Don’t be afraid to step out of the box that society tries to put you in. Objects like clothing and accessories and activities like sports or hobbies do NOT have a gender. You are not alone, and will always have support from us. 

I am a female and have always thought I was straight my whole life, up until about 6 months ago when I started to question my sexuality. I am romantically and sexually attracted to males but am only sexually attracted to females, and not romantically attracted to girls. So I wouldnt date a female, (but I would hook up with a girl but I don’t see myself having a girlfriend). Also… I kind of just noticed this, but in the past (and present) whenever someone would mention sexuality I would get very nervous and uncomfortable and saying I’m straight would feel forced I guess… But I also sometimes think that I’m making these sexual feelings for girls up and it really is just a phase. I guess I think this because being gay/lesbian/bi is (for the most part) accepted by people. And some might even say being bisexual is trendy… But anyways… Bottom line is, is that I don’t know if I’m bisexual or not and I’m confused :/

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today with your concerns and feelings, this sounds like a really confusing and probably upsetting situation, and we want you to know that you are not alone. It is incredibly normal to struggle with understanding your sexual identity, it is a really healthy aspect of developing as person. It’s not always easy to talk about sexuality, but opening a dialogue creates more space for people to express themselves and feel not so alone. We want to express that sexual identity is much more fluid than normative society tends to represent it as, and we want to encourage you to not feel pressured to put yourself into a box. Straight, Gay, Bisexual, these are also labels that can be helpful in expressing your identity, but can be harmful if you are struggling to understand or validate your sexual identity. Whatever you feel is valid. If you feel an attraction towards someone, if it’s romantic or sexual, regardless of their gender identity, it is valid. It is normal to find things new or not what you are used to, exciting or sexy. Even if you don’t typically feel attracted to that gender identity, but has feelings of attraction, that is healthy and normal. It can be rooted in emotions of appreciation, love, attraction, many different complex emotions. You are not alone, and it is ok to feel how you feel. If you ever want to talk about this further or get connected to community supportive resources, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Can I press charges? While I wasn’t the best boyfriend, I cheated. I felt terrible about it. I knew I wasn’t the best version of me at the time. I said with a heavy heart that I didn’t love her anymore for the sole reason of that I knew I couldn’t be the person I should be yet she decided to stay. She was definitely hacking my phone our entire relationship. She beat me, ripped my clothes, stole from me, alienated me from my friends. She had collages ready to go of me at times when I was crying down and low. She even I guess gaslit me. Lied to me, saying things happened or didn’t happen when they were reversed. She even photoshopped an image from a conversation I had to make me think it stretched out over for days. Broke into my house can I do anything? (Edited for content)

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are here to support you. If you live in Sacramento, you can file a police report online. You can also call the non-emergency line for your local PD. If you feel it might be helpful for you to talk with a trained advocate on our Support and Information Line, you can call any time – day or night – the number is 916.920.2952. 

Hi. I am a 16 year old heterosexual girl. I am very interested in exploring and having new experiences but I have never been attracted to girls or women in my life. I find the idea of me with another girl/woman a turn off and very unlikely. But still, for some time now, I have started to find lesbian couples very sexy and exciting. What does that mean? please help me.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your feelings today, we can imagine that this is confusing and we appreciate your courage and honesty. It’s not always easy to talk about sexuality, but opening a dialogue creates more space for people to express themselves and feel not so alone. We want to express that sexual identity is much more fluid than normative society tends to represent it as, and we want to encourage you to not feel pressured to put yourself into a box. Straight, Gay, Bisexual, these are also labels that can be helpful in expressing your identity, but can be harmful if you are struggling to understand or validate your sexual identity. Whatever you feel is valid. If you feel an attraction towards someone, if it’s romantic or sexual, regardless of their gender identity, it is valid. It is normal to find things new or not what you are used to, exciting or sexy. Even if you don’t typically feel attracted to that gender identity, but has feelings of attraction, that is healthy and normal. It can be rooted in emotions of appreciation, love, attraction, many different complex emotions besides sexy. You are not alone, and it is ok to feel how you feel. 
How do you really know if you’re straight/bi/gay? I am a girl and I’ve been romantically interested in women, men, and those who identify as non-binary, but I’ve never dated/kissed/been in a relationship with anyone. I know you don’t have to have experience to know your sexuality, but I wonder sometimes if my attraction is real or just something I made up in my head? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we appreciate you reaching out today with your question, we understand that this is an incredibly common question/concern and one that is not discussed enough. In order to answer your question, we want to express that sexual identity is much more fluid than normative society tends to represent it as, and we want to encourage you to not feel pressured to put yourself in a box. Straight, Gay, Bisexual, these are also labels that can be helpful in expressing your identity, but can be harmful if you are struggling to understand or validate your sexual identity. Whatever you feel is valid. If you feel an attraction towards someone, if it’s romantic or sexual, regardless of their gender identity, it is valid. So even if you don’t know what box you fit into, focus on validating your feelings as they come. 
My wife and I recently separated, due in large part to the previously unidentified emotional abuse I have been subject to. I am finding that she is not willing to work amicably toward a separation agreement and therefore I am in need of legal advice. I am new to the Sac. area and would so appreciate a referral to an attorney. I am a retired social worker on a fixed income. Any guidance is appreciated. We have been domestic then married partners for 13 years. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this. If we are understanding correctly, it sounds like you are separating due to the emotional abuse you had been experiencing? If we are understanding your situation correctly we do have resources that could be of help to you. We offer Legal Services and workshops on the subjects of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and more. To learn more about accessing our Legal services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Hi!!..im part of the lgbt community but doesnt come out yet…i already has a gf and i love her so much but it seems that my whole family doesnt like that idea of me having a relationship with same gender….i have tried telling them(jokily) but their answer hurted me…they dont accept that mere fact….can you pls tell me…what should i do?? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we want to commend you on your courage and bravery for reaching out for support and know we are here for you. We are so proud of you for coming out to people you feel close with, we know that is not an easy thing to do. What are your fears and anxieties regarding coming out to your family? We hope that if they love you, they will accept you for who you are and want to help you through this process. Please know that we are here for you, to support you, and that you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, if you ever want someone to talk to or if you need more support or resources regarding this process. We could also help you navigate what coming out to your family might be like.

Why does weace ask for men to refrain from wearing dresses? Are men allowed to get dolled up with makeup?

Thank you for your question and giving us an opportunity to provide more insight into this request – it’s a topic we will be addressing in greater detail on the site. Anyone who identifies as female, non-conforming or gender fluid and wishes to wear a dress is welcome to. Our request is aimed at those individuals who misunderstand core aspects of the event – creating safe spaces, understanding the experiences of vulnerable groups, etc. – and/or who wear dresses as a means of making a joke or diminishing the purpose of Walk a Mile in Her Shoes. We want to ensure the event feels welcoming, accessible, and safe for everyone so we ask that all walkers give thought to costumes and outfits that do not make fun of any other group. 

Hi. Thanks for listening, I have a daughter she has a male friend for about 2yrs. While she was with him.she had a one night fling with her exboyfriend ( 15yrs ago…she was with the ex) got pregnant for the ex..The male friend ,has stayed with her( do not live together) …The problem is …he tells her about that incident every chance he gets..and when disagreements Accor he threatens to leave and not come back..but does after a few days…tells her to go find the baby father…does not give any kind of help needed… My question is should I encourage her to leVe him…cause she is tired of that abuse….? She was happy he ,he had forgiven her (for the baby incident) but he throws it in her face every chance he gets. I’m happy for your response.thx again

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse in her relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your daughter is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. You have been a great mother to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your daughter unless she is ready to leave him, make changes and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support in the best way you can, and not shame her, even though you know she is in a very dangerous relationship. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information.

Why does my brother keep hitting my knee and it hurts also why the f*** am I so gay

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we are sorry this is happening and can understand why you would be upset/confused. We want you to know you aren’t alone and we want to do everything we can to help you. In regards to your feelings about your brother and him hitting you, sometimes in sibling relationships a little rough-housing or physical play is normal, but the key difference is the amount of play needing to be consensual. If it is escalating to a level where it is not fun, and it is hurtful, then that is not okay. Can you try communicating with your brother how you feel? I know sometimes brother’s are not the easiest to talk to. Do you have any trusted adults you could talk to about this? We are so sorry, again, that this is happening. Without knowing more information it is hard for us to respond to the second part of your question, but we do want to say that whatever your sexual identity is, that is normal and that is okay. We would love to help support you in the best way we can, and if you would be comfortable either sending another message board with more information about your question, or calling our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 we would love to help you more. 

Hello. I am a trans female not yet out of the closet. I’ll try to make a long story short. I believe i have been a victim of domestic abuse. My wife has accused me of cheating in various odd but escalating ways for the past year. Now it was all we ever fought about. I have not cheated nor would i. She would just badger me continuously about it. I recently found out i believe she is a narcissist. Over our relationship she would break up with me dump me etc always forcing me to beg my way back always saying i didn’t love her. It feels like she uses the fact i love her so much against me. I can’t emotionally or mentally take anymore but i still do love her. We’ve lost 2 kids to cps temp due to this. My 2 kids. Yet the worst is a couple weeks ago we fought and it got physical this was in our room with the door shut but 2 kids home. I was naked and basically she grab my privates and tried to RIP them off so i hit her in instinct just cause it hurt so bad to get her off. The kids heard from outside the door and both told counselors at school. Well again CPS was coming out to take the next 2 kids but instead my wife goes to a domestic violence shelter claiming to be a victim yet continues her attacking from inside. She even said she filled an order for protection but o have not been served. Then 2 days ago she sends a mail stating .if i even contact her one more time my friends or family will get pictures of me as a woman and no one i know really knows. I was on the verge of suicide already and this has almost pushed me over. It makes me sick that she now is using something i confided to her about against me and holding my step kids hostage whom i love very much. Is there anything i could or should do before i get railroaded or outed by her? She’s playing the victim role up but mostly the kids are the ones caught in the middle. I live in Minnesota and i believe she’s at cornerstone domestic which i don’t believe i should know as i don’t think she’s supposed to contact from inside there. I did save the email of her threatening to out me. I do love this woman very much she just needs mental help.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must have been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

An unwanted house guest of my partner (we live together but she owns the house) has been verbally abusive towards me, put urine in my coffee mug, and ensures I’m scalded when I shower by messing with the water. Is this grounds for a protective order or no? The “guest” is my girlfriends ex that refuses to leave. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this. We can only imagine how upsetting this is for you, and it is not something you should have to be dealing with. Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about your experiences and how you feel? We would hope that she would be receptive and not wanting you to be experiencing this kind of abuse. Legally, even if you do not have your name on the lease you still have legal claims to the house if you pay rent there and have occupied it for a certain amount of time. We would like to encourage you to reach out to our legal advocates with your concerns and see what support or advice they can provide. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question and they will return your call within a few short business days. If you have any other concerns, want to know more about our services, or get connected to other supportive resources in your area please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
So i have now been in a relationship with my partner, who happened to be straight at the time i met her and involved in a short term relationship with her boyfriend at the time. Being new to Florida after moving from a city where life doesnt stop and goes on all night, it was a bit of a shock to her, and had a hard time settling in as she is quite different from any girls I have met and known of her age. She worked at a gas station which was on the corner of my house and i would stop in every morning on my way to college. The first time i saw her, i felt this weird feeling rush me and i got nervous but kept it cool, totally grabbing all the wrong items i intended to purchase to being with. But, she didnt know. I acted like i would any day, kept it short, didnt say much , no one would of even noticed my reactions at all. A few weeks passed and i wanted to get to know her but knew she was straight, and probably wouldnt even ever consider the thought of a girl, to be involved with in any way. Why is she ok with being affectionate in even a public place, around my job, really affectionate, and anywhere else with no hold backs when we are out, but jerk back that night. after a few days i blew up and couldnt take it and told her i felt as if she was ashamed or was it that she liked him and didnr want him to see us or what? and why didnt he know why would she not call me babe when speaking to me in front of him at work and i just have no doubts now because my last relationship ruined all my view on trust, but i changed and tried my best for her. SHe tells me no , never to feel like this, but now i do and i hate it and im going crazy. She told me in a text and it made me feel so different, it said that she didnt wanna tell anyone really yet and come out or anything , because if it didnt work she would just look stupid. but how is that any differnt then it not working out with the opposite sex? i woulda understood this almost a year ago when meeting but…. here we are almost at our year mark, and im so confused. i wanna understand her, but i explain to her how it makes me feel and think but i havent told her anything based off her text because it made me question it all. What am i doing? i told her i wanted someone to build with, grow with, a future. now im questioning my role in this relationship because i know now that she still not just questions her sexuality which i understand, but why still have negative thoughts we wont work. then what are we doing? she speaks on kids and wanting to be pregnant one day in passing and convos and i ADORE kids , but i know i physically cannot provide that for her and anything a man could and am so lost and have fallen into a depression/anxiety state and i cant help it. help , what should i do? [edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help support you. It sounds like this is a very complex situation, as are most relationships, but there are many layers to it. Not only are you struggling with your past trauma from previous relationships that are making it difficult for you to be as trusting as you would like, but also your current partner is struggling with her own role and identity in this relationship. You have been confident and understanding of your sexual identity for such a long time, and this is all extremely new to her. We really appreciated what you said about how you try to encourage her not to label or identify herself in any way in regards to her sexual identity because we feel that is really important, especially in this situation. It sounds like what this all comes down to is open communication and trust, which are the foundation for a healthy relationship. You both need to have an honest, supportive conversation that maybe takes you both back to basics about what you want and need in a relationship and in a partner. It may take a long time for your partner to understand her sexual identity, as I’m sure it took you some time to also understand your sexual identity. As a society, especially for the LGBTQ+ community, there is so much pressure to come out, to have a label, a box to put yourself in so people can understand. We don’t often recognize all those gray areas in between those identifiers that really make up someone’s sexuality. It may take some time for your partner to understand that, so little things like her calling you babe or kissing you in front of her coworker’s are not because of you, it’s because she is still trying to face that part of herself. So if there is some sort of shame, it’s her shame, not shame about you. Shame is a hard thing to face and see within yourself. If you both can have that conversation and those things can be accepted, you will have a stronger foundation to face the things ahead. But it’s a two way street, and she needs to feel confident and supported in her feelings towards you. If you need any further support, we are here for you 24/7, and can be reached at 916.920.2952. 

There’s this guy I like, I think he likes me too from how he acts. I’m 16 he’s 19. He doesn’t know I’m 16 but I’m scared if I tell him he’ll run off. I don’t care if we don’t start a relationship once I’m of age I just want him to remain my friend. He also is unaware of my being trans and I’m scared that if I tell him both at once he’ll also run off. What should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can understand how difficult and upsetting this situation is for you and we are sorry you are going through it. It sounds like you have some fears surrounding being open to this person about not only your age but your gender identity. Those are valid fears; however, communication is a very important aspect to healthy relationships. Without communication you stand nothing to gain or lose. We would like to encourage you to be honest with this person about your feelings and fears, so that they may have the opportunity to do the same for you. And if he is someone who runs off then he is not someone you want in your life. However, please know WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence, and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The message boards are intended to be a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800. 843. 5200. 

I want to go to pride with my gf but he parents probably won’t let her. What do I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this and we can understand how upsetting this must be. It sounds like you have concerns that your girlfriend’s parents are not wanting her to participate in PRIDE? Without knowing more, we can only assume that they may have some beliefs or values that do not align with PRIDE. Perhaps they do not fully understand that the event is designed to create a safe space for people who previously were limited in safe spaces to express themselves. We would encourage you to engage in an open conversation with your girlfriend and her parents about this event and why it is meaningful to you both to go to. The worst that can happen is they say no. However, WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, teen violence, and/or sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The message boards are intended to be a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in regards to those specific issues. If you would like to talk to someone we recommend you speak to an adult you trust or please call CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800. 843. 5200. 
 Okay I’m sort of questioning my sexuality.. I’m a 16 year old girl and let me tell you a little bit of myself. All my life I’ve preferred videos games, masculine clothes, made better friends with guys, and such.. but I’ve grown out of it more as I’ve gotten older. But here recently I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I’m seeing myself growingly attracted to girls. But not in an emotional way. In a sexual way. Maybe I just want to experiment..? But I don’t think I would like a relationship with one. Help guys! Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how conflicted and confused you must feel and we want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings. First, we want you to know that sexuality and gender identity are a spectrum and are fluid. As a society, we tend to put people into neat little boxes fastened with labels to make everything simple and easy. Sometimes these labels, like “gay, straight, boy, girl” can be helpful, but they can also be harmful for those who are still developing and growing within their identity. It is very normal to feel you have both “feminine” and “masculine” qualities, and for even some days for one quality to feel more dominant than the other. If you feel that you might be sexually attracted to girls, regardless of who you are currently in a relationship with, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are automatically lesbian or bisexual. You very well may be, but you do not have to rush to label yourself. There are so many different sexual identities. We would highly recommend that you allow yourself the space to explore and educate yourself, be it through safe experiences or through educational resources. Does your school have an LGBT club or resource center? If not perhaps there is a safe LGBT Center within your community. If you live in Sacramento, there is an LGBT Center in Midtown where they offer lots of groups and resources. Please remember you are not alone in these feelings, and if you want to discuss it further don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I think I’m asexual and I’m quite nervous about it because I’m Christian and even though it isn’t a sin (unlike many Christians who believe being gay is a sin (side note: It Isn’t)) but I’m way to scared to tell my parents I think I’m ace. I believe in no sex before marriage so I won’t have to worry about telling people I’m ace if I’m in a relationship I’ll just tell them i don’t believe in sex before marriage. But should I tell people I’m ace? Or should I just keep it to myself. I don’t really know where I am on the spectrum of Asexuality I am yet (I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum tho since I’m not interested in a sexual relationship) but if I think about what it means to be ace and come to terms with it should I tell my parents? Or just my friends?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. You should reach out to someone you can trust to create a non-judgmental and supportive environment. As a society we are quick to label ourselves. Sometimes these labels, while helping us understand our sexual identity, can also be quick to put us in a box. The concept of sexuality can be a very confusing and scary, especially if you are unsure about how you identify. It is important to do some research to help you safely explore all the different sexual identities. There are great resources within our community, such as the LGBT Center, Gender Health Center, and Lavender Library, that may be a safe space for you to reach out and learn from. Please reach out to our 24/7 support and Information line for any additional resources you may need or to speak with one of our Peer Support Advocates.

Does enjoying gay sexual activities make me gay?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we want you to know that you are not alone in this and we are here to support you in any way we can. As a society, we are quick to label others and ourselves, and sometimes these labels can put us in a box. Whatever you feel and whatever sexual activities you enjoy, does not determine your sexuality. If you are still feeling confused or would like to discuss this further, we are available 24/7 on our Information and Support line at 916-920-2952.

My best friend (who is my ex-girlfriend, I am bisexual) is dating this guy who is my ex-boyfriend. I am happy because she is happy, but there is only one problem. He doesn’t like the fact that she is “big.” True, she is bigger than normal girls, but she is an amazing girl, and I don’t see why he can’t see that. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death, in so many ways as I do her, but that is just plain wrong if you don’t tell her. My question is, should I tell her, or should I end up letting her get hurt in the end when he breaks up with her? I don’t want her to hurt because she is suicidal, and I don’t want something like that to happen to her. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this sounds like a really difficult situation and we understand why you would feel conflicted. One one hand, you have a friend who you care about very much who you feel deserves to be made aware of this information, but on the other hand you are unsure of how this information will be received. Firstly, we want you to know that this is not your responsibility to handle. Of course you are close and care about both these people but it’s not okay for your ex-boyfriend to put you in this position. We would like to encourage you to discuss the fact that he is romantically involved with someone who he does not find attractive or at least feels negatively about her body type. That is not ok, and he should not be seeing someone that he feels negatively about. We do not feel that it is your job to share this with your friend, and it is the job of your ex-boyfriend to be honest with her. Please know if you would like to discuss this further, we understand this is a very complicated situation and want to support you in any way we can. Call us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

i have a boyfriend that wants to get married to someone else, and i will have to attend the ceremony, we’re both poly, tho i’ve felt more and more like i’ve needed him and only him, but i’m just getting so sad and embarrassed and selfish and jealous!! i want to kill myself, if i break up with him ik he won’t take it well… i would feel like a jerk or a bastard if i objected or crashed the wedding, i just want to curl up in a hole and hide. . . any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we can only imagine how upsetting it is for you. Relationships are hard work, and communication is such a critical factor in making sure relationships not only succeed, but thrive. We understand why you are anxious to speak to your partner about your feelings surrounding their moving forward with their other partner. However, we feel that since you are both in a relationship with each other it would be important for you to keep the communication going and be honest about your feelings. Even if it is just an emotional outlet for you, it is important to validate your experiences and feelings. Please know that we are always here for you, 24/7, if you need someone to talk to or any resources. Call 916.920.2952, we are here for you. 

My ex partner is abusive towards me verbally mentally and physically harms me he threatens my safety with yelling screaming threatening me with watch when I’m sleeping watch what I eat or drink hell poison me and my animals he throws things at me calls me a no good rotten scum bag a user a good digger a whore I deserved to get hiv he wishes I would drop dead I shouldn’t be alive he has his ex partners and friends harassing and threatening me I better watch my back at all times he has people following me every move I make to and from work who I hang out with he has always played the ” good guy” card in front of family and friends for years playing the victim I’ve had to call the local police several times for him putting his hands on me throwing things at me destroying my house and property putting his hands on me throwing me into walls and appliances he pushes kicks and raises his hand to me…I’ve tried everything possible to have him removed from my home and title and I feel stuck and don’t know where else to turn to

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting and scary this situation is for you. Nobody has the right to hurt you, to cause you harm, be it verbally, physically, emotionally, any way. We definitely want to help you in any way we can, and we have many services that we feel could be of help to you, such as legal services in regards to you wanting him to move out. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained crisis counselors can assess your situation further and provide you catered resources that can be most beneficial to what you are experiencing. You are not alone, and we are here for you. 

So I met this girl about two years ago. I found her attractive straight away but closed my mind to the idea of ever being with her because I’m pretty sure she is straight. As time has gone on I have only fallen harder for this girl as we have grown closer. I would also consider her to be one of my very best friends.This is a girl that for the entirety of her life has lived as a straight female in one after another committed relationship to a man. Yet she tells me all the time how she is “a little gay” and “isn’t sure” what exactly she wants for her future. What do I do to either open or close this door with her? [edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out with your question. We understand that this might be very confusing and difficult since she is your best friend and feelings are hard to navigate. This is a conversation that you should have with her, not only about your feelings but about the concerns with your friendship. Sexuality is fluid and making sure you both are on the same page is very important. If you would like to talk to someone and get more support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.

My friends would act gay towards me to bully me. It was just a joke and I knew that. But she’s been doing it for a couple months now and I feel like I want a relationship with her. BUT I SHOULDN’T LIKE HER!!! because I’m not gay. and people think we are dating because they see her going towards me and approaching me in a seductive way. and I am super shy about it. I AM NOT GAY. SHE IS NOT GAY. But I think I’m falling for her…….. and I know I shouldn’t because I can ruin the friendship if I confess. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand this must be pretty confusing and conflicting for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want you to know that however you are feeling, regardless of how you may have felt in the past, is ok, there is nothing wrong with how you feel. Sexuality is a spectrum, and can developed and grow over time as you gain more knowledge and life experience. As a society we are too quick to label and identify ourselves, which can be helpful in understanding yourself as a person, but also can cause harm if you are too quick to label yourself. There are many different types of sexualities besides gay and straight and before you make any decisions on how you want to approach this situation with your friend we would encourage you to do some research and develop your personal understanding of sexual identity. If you want to discuss this further with a crisis counselor or get any information about resources near you we would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have never told anyone. My best friend sexually assaulted me. He did it on several occasions. I have stayed silent. My best friend and I never talk about it. We both pretend it never happened. I’m straight. He is gay. People would never believe my best friend of doing the things he did to me. I don’t want my family or friends to know. I know they wouldn’t believe me. They would say I must be gay and feeling guilty for what I agreed to do. I know my friends and family too well. Some of them think I have gay tendencies because I have a gay person as my best friend. My best friend and I have known each other since middle school. I would ordinarily avoid my best friend forever but I can’t because we have mutual friends and started a business together. I owe my best friend money. I don’t know what to do. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. We want you to know that you are in total control of this situation, and you must do whatever is best for you, regardless of any financial restraints or obligations. It is important that you feel safe, and that you are surrounded by people who make you feel safe and secure. You have experienced something that was against your will and control, and what happens next must be in your control. We cannot tell you what to do, and would like to encourage you to think long-term.  There are so many factors here, there is no one straightforward course. You must ask yourself is this someone you would like to continue spending time with and continue being in business with? If so, what would help you best here? We would like to support you with this situation further.We feel that speaking to a counselor that specializes in the issues and complexities surrounding sexual assault in either a group or individual setting may be helpful to you in processing this issue and helping you come to a solution. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916. 920.2952 to get connected to further resources and services. 
what should i do? I am a female & me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 months. for a month now my girlfriend had been saying she didn’t feel right and that her period was late, jokingly my home girl told her to take a pregnancy test and it came back positive. we thought it might be a false positive so we had her take 5 more even the ones that say the word pregnant and they all came back positive. we were all so shocked and confused that’s when my girlfriend confessed that a month before me and her got together she had been raped. she didnt know she was pregnant at all the way she cried you couldn’t fake that. long story short she went to an appointment today and sure enough she is really pregnant, we had a talk and she said she totally understands if I don’t wanna take on that responsibility but she still wants to be with me and if i want to she would want me in the child’s life as the father. she wants me to full on adopt the child and everything, she wants this to be our baby. i’m just so conflicted on what to do. what if I get attached and a few months down the line she changes her mind or god forbid something happens and we break up. she said she would still allow me to be in the child’s life but i have a friend who went through the same situation i’m going through the exact same way and when the girl got about 7 months she decided she didn’t wanna be with my friend or want her in the baby life. i do not want that to happen to me i seen what that feel like to be there from day one and have somebody turn on you.  I’ve sat down with myself and gone over this over and over in my head and I think I should go for it. a little background about me is I really want kids I actually already tired to have a baby with a ex and it didn’t work out. i feel like at that time it wasn’t meant for me to have a child in that moment with that person. with this situation I didn’t even have to try I technically got the child that I wanted without even trying this time regardless of how it was conceived. sorry for making this so long but can you guys help me out? [edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how stressful and confusing this situation must be for you and we want to do everything we can to help support you. It sounds like there are many different elements of conflict here: this being a new relationship and the uncertainty there, the possibility of a child, you taking on the role of a parent, and at the base of it all, your personal desire to have a child. You have already articulated here that in the past you had tried to have a child but the timing wasn’t right. Of course, only you know what is the best decision for, firstly, yourself, and secondly, for your new relationship. Your anxieties are incredibly real and valid, and it’s good that you are spending a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of the situation. We cannot tell you exactly what to do, only you can make that decision for yourself. But we would encourage you to try and think long term, and not make this decision based solely on the fact that you have always wanted a child and would be getting one via this situation. It is no easy task to raise a child, and takes very strong team work. Everything gets immensely more complicated and stressful when a child is involved, and a couple needs to know that they have a strong foundation. Continue to consider what would be the best for you, long term, and do not rush to a decision. Please know we are available 24/7 to help support you with this issue, and can be reached at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
Do you have services for men? My husband is Trans (MTF). He was attacked & sexually assaulted 6 years ago. He is struggling with what happened, and is in crisis.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry your husband is experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help your husband through this crisis. Our agency serves people of all gender and sexual identities, and would love to help support him with whatever he needs. We would highly recommend you give him our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 so that we can assess his situation further and get him connected to the supportive services he needs. 

Everyone I know who is Non-Binary seems to have felt like something was wrong their whole life, do I still count if I only started to question my gender when I got involved in the lgbt community? How do I know if I am genuine or just trying to be ‘special’?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we want you to know that you are not alone in this and we are here to support you in any way that we can. We understand that this must be confusing situation, but it is also something that many people have struggled with. Gender identity is a very complex issue but it is important to remember that gender is a spectrum, and is it fluid. There are no rules, no right or wrong, however you feel is valid and important. So, in regards to your concerns, perhaps a better way to frame the question is more so, how aware were you of the complexities of gender before becoming more involved with the LGBT+ community? Perhaps becoming more aware has triggered you to reflect inwards, and look more at the constructs of gender that had been forced upon you by society thus far, and are those authentic to your identity? Again, it is important to remember that when it comes to gender, there are no rules. So if you feel you do not identify as cisgender, that is okay! Continue to learn and explore, and don’t worry about assigning a label to yourself. And please know, if you would like to discuss this further with a safe, non-judgmental crisis counselor one can be reached 24/7 at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
Hi I’m living on an island that doesn’t accept gay guys and I don’t know what to do, I’m in the closet and its getting painful living a lie what should I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We cannot imagine how challenging and painful it must be to live in a place where you do not feel you can be yourself and that it is unsafe to do so. We want you to know that you are not alone because so many people live in a place or community where it is unsafe to be themselves. Just because places like this exist does not mean that it is ok to be oppressed or abused. It is not ok for anyone to mistreat you or make you feel like you cannot be your authentic self. We would encourage you to, safely, research resources within your area or close to you where you can have a safe place to be your true self, if that is a local LGBT Center or perhaps one in a different city. Here is a number that you can call, it is a national hotline, for people like you who identify as GLBTQ, where you can call and speak to someone, receive support or perhaps even resources. The youth hotline number is 800.246.7743, and the general hotline number is 888.843.4564. Please call when it is safe for you to do so, because even talking to a safe stranger on a hotline can be helpful. You can always call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, and we will do everything we can to help you. 
I’ve only been with guys before, romantically and sexually. Before I’ve just wondered what it would be like to sexually be with a girl, (I’m a female) out of sheer curiosity. In general, I never looked at someone and thought about what I would do to them. Am I bi-sexual? How do I know if I never lust after anyone in particular? [edited for content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this must be confusing for you and we want to do everything we can to help support you. Human sexuality is a complex spectrum, and it is very normal to be curious and want to explore. Sexuality is fluid; it constantly grows and develops. As a society, we are quick to label ourselves, and sometimes these labels, while helping us understand more about our sexual identity, can also be quick to put us in a box. Whatever you feel, whoever you are attracted to, it is normal and it is ok. We feel that before you decide what sexuality you identify with, you might want to do some research on all the different sexual identities, and allow yourself the time and space to safely explore these identities. There are great resources within our community, such as the LGBT Center, Gender Health Center, and Lavender Library, that may be a safe space for you to reach out to or learn from. Please know, we are here for you 24/7, and if you would like to discuss this further with a safe person, you can reach out at 916920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor. Again, we are here for you, and you are not alone in this. 
I’m almost 13 and my mind is set on transitioning from female to male but I don’t have the courage to come out to my parents I’ve came out to a close friend. Should I wait until I’m older and transition then or should I do it sooner? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we want to commend you on your courage and bravery for reaching out for support and know we are here for you. We are so proud of you for coming out to people you feel close with, we know that is not an easy thing to do. What are your fears and anxieties regarding coming out to your family? We hope that if they love you, they will accept you for who you are and want to help you through this process. Unfortunately we cannot advise you on when you should begin transitioning because we are not 100% familiar with all that that process would require. We know that transitioning is a lengthy process, but there are resources that could be of help to you in navigating the process. Please know that we are here for you, to support you, and that you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, if you ever want someone to talk to or if you need more support or resources regarding this process. We could also help you navigate what coming out to your family might be like. 
I am a gay man and a foreigner. I moved to the USA 9 months ago. My husband and I recently had an arguments about his unnecessary spendings as we are trying to save money to get a few things done. Our car broker down and he was catching a lot of taxi’s to get to work. I recommended that he catch the public bus to help us save. We got into an argument and he started to bully me n tried to take away my wallet n my money. I got so frustrated I snapped and hit him back. We fought really hard and he called the police/agration for me and now I am faced with a DV Charge
I have never been in trouble with the law before in my life I came to be with him and create a better life us. This is the 3rd time he called the police on me. He knows I am a foreigner here and I could be deported yet he know I am not a violent person and he knows I Don’t like trouble. He could be the sweetest person in the world but when angry he turns into a different person like a nasty monster, rootless, careless and in thoughtful. I feel unsafe I feel abused sometimes and I feel trapped. I do love him n I know he loves me but to keep putting me in harms way like this is making me think I should go back to my country n move on before he or I get hurt. What do you think?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. It is not okay for someone to make you feel unsafe, or to make threats against you, regardless of your legal status. What you are describing is incredibly common in abusive relationships, and it is what we would call the cycle of violence. People, like your partner, can be very caring and loving one moment and then shift and become very scary and violent. There is a lot of emotional manipulation and issues of control that also play a role here, and we want you to know you are not alone. We would love to provide you with further support in this issue, so if you feel comfortable, please reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where crisis counselors can provide you with emotional support, personalized referrals for your situation, and connection to our services. You should not have to live in fear, and we want to help you. 

If I am a guy and I like a transgender male, what does that make me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize how it is not easy to ask these types of questions, it can be a very vulnerable thing, and we appreciate your honesty and bravery. Sexuality and sexual identity is a spectrum- it is fluid, and cannot be constricted to boxes or labels. As a society, we are so quick to label ourselves, and most of the time it can do more harm than good. Labels like boy, girl, gay, straight, these labels can be helpful to people in helping them understand and develop their personal identity (gender, sexuality, etc), but it can also be harmful, and restrictive. Someone who once identified as bisexual might, over time, have their sexual identity develop and expand and realize they may actually be pansexual.

We would encourage you to do some research on sexual identity, and perhaps you can learn more about what sexual identity you align with. But at the same time, please know that it is ok to feel ANY WAY you are feeling right now. It is ok to be attracted to any type of person, that doesn’t make you anything- it makes you a human being. Just know that we are here for you, if you are still feeling confused or would like to discuss this further, we are available 24/7 at 916.920.2952. We are here to support you. 

I am a 14 year old male. I am gay, and I am afraid of my parents or friends learning about this. Everyone in my family are very religious Christians, and I am an atheist. This further increases my worry about my family learning about me. 

I want to explore my sexuality more, but I am unsure about how to do so. What should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this must be an incredibly confusing and upsetting situation to be in and we want to do everything we can to support you. We understand that you are struggling with how to explore your sexual identity but also your family’s acceptance of that. We want you to know, first and foremost, that we accept you for who you are, exactly as your are, and we are here for you. In regards to you wanting to have a space to explore your sexuality, we would encourage you to explore in a safe space that you feel will empower you, not take advantage of you. Such as, most communities offer an LGBTQ+ resource center, even libraries that specifically house LGBTQ+ friendly literature and resources. There is even a national LGBT Youth hotline where you can call, receive peer counseling and local resources in a confidential, non-judgmental space. That number is 1.800.246.7743. We also want you to know that sexual identity, if fluid, there are no rules or regulations, so whatever you identify as is ok, don’t stress about forcing yourself to fit into a box or a label. In regards to your family acceptance of your sexual identity, we would encourage you to try and find as much support as you can, so that when the time comes that you feel a desire to “come out” to people, you can have support in that. Do you have any friends, teachers, trusted adults that you feel would be accepting of you? Coming out is a brave but scary decision, but it is YOUR decision, your experience to have. Only you can decide when the time is right. We hope that, regardless of how any may feel about sexual identity, they will love you for who you are. 

Please know you are not alone, and you can call us 24/7 at our Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952. We are here for you.

Sometimes my mind will keep thinking of certain sexual abuse scenarios I lived. Its unusual because there are many but only certain ones keep getting replayed. Some memories are very realistic I remember. Even details. Sometimes I find myself feeling extremely jealous of others who never had to go through things I lived. Other days I can’t stop feeling sad. I create fantasies in my mind to pretend my life is better. Is this normal do you think or do you think I need to stop daydreaming and fantasizing? I am having lots of fantasies of lesbian sex with attractive friends and females I know

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. It is understandable that you are still being impacted by those events. It’s important to know that every person’s body reacts to trauma in many different ways.  It can be very hard trying to “forget memories” and very common to replay through them. We also recognize that when it comes to issues of attraction and sexuality, things can be kind of confusing and we appreciate you reaching out for support. When it comes to sexuality, there are no rules or restrictions. Not only is it possible, it is normal to be attracted to people of one or both genders. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. 

I invited two of my friends. They wanted to go in our whirlpool. I wanted to watch a movie. After the movie ended I went upstairs. I saw they had nothing on. My younger friend was on one of her hands and knees. She had a water nozzle aimed shooting out of the water. My other friend also had her eyes closed but holding her hips. She was on her knees in the tub swaying in the water forward and back on another jet nozzle. I quietly went downstairs. When they came downstairs I acted like I didn’t know. Do you think I should tell them what I saw? I don’t want to embarrass them.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I understand it may feel awkward or difficult to open up to your friends about this situation. If your concern is about embarrassing them we would recommend entering the conversation with honesty and support. If this situation has made you feel uncomfortable, again honesty and setting personal boundaries with your friends may be a good approach. If you choose to have a conversation with them making sure to create a safe place for them to open up and express themselves is important.  If you have any more questions or would like to receive additional support please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

I went swimming at a friend’s. Later in her bedroom she took some beach towels. She told me to take off my bikini. She said she wanted to give me a massage. I immediately thought how odd but at the same time how nice. She works as a gym fitness trainer. She told me get on my belly on some towels. She draped a towel over my waist. She gave me a massage. I was feeling emotional. I hadn’t been touched so lovingly in years. . . I felt ashamed at what I had made my friend do. What is wrong with me? Do you think it’s because I am am sexually afraid of my deepest desires? Is it my deep loneliness? I have always assumed myself as into guys but sometimes I do find myself aroused by girl-girl things. How do you suggest I apologize to my friend? I am having turmoil even just wondering what made me mistreat her. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we can imagine that this situation must have been really confusing for you, and we are sorry you are going through this. We recognize when it comes to issues of attraction and sexuality, things can be kind of confusing and we appreciate you reaching out for support. There is nothing wrong with you. Sexuality is a spectrum, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. When it comes to sexuality, there are no rules or restrictions. Whatever you are feeling or whomever you are attracted to, just know WEAVE supports you. It is ok to enjoy something because it feels good, and that doesn’t mean you have to align with any specific sexual identity. How we would recommend entering the conversation with your friend would be to be honest with her, and share how you are feeling. We are sure your friend cares about you and just wants you to be open in communicating with her. If you want some support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. This is a safe-space and a no-judgement zone, we are here to help you. 

My domestic partner for over 8.5 years has physically and verbally abused me through out our relationship. I have pictures, audio, dates of his abuse which I never got rid of. Finally, I got him to move into his own place. 
I travel for work on a regular basis, so he used the entire month to take my entire home and belongings while I have been gone. On June 3rd, he came to my home while taking more items, he punched my face, breaking my nose and causing a massive discharge of blood. I finally called 911, he fled after seeing the blood and hearing the dispatcher on the other end. I filed a protective order against him and went to court on the 20th. He did not show up and my order was granted by the judge. I just had corrective surgery on my nose and the pain was unbearable after and during recovery. I now have been told, I will need further reconstructive surgery on my nose. I have had to take off from work for court, surgery and now for additional surgery. I need to work as I live pay check to paycheck. My ex makes a very good living and I would like advice on what procedures, I need to sue him for lost wages, surgery, and distress. I am so worried about my car payment, rent, surgery costs, etc. I want this nightmare gone, but I also want to be financially stress free from it as well. Please help, any advice will do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so empathetic to your situation and can only imagine how heartbreaking this violence has been for you. We want you to know that we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. We understand that financially you feel you are owed by him for the costs of your physical trauma, and we know of a great resource that may be of help to you. There is a program called “California Victim Compensation Program” for victims of violent crimes, who may be eligible for financial assistance and free counseling services. WEAVE provides assistance in understanding and submitting the required paperwork and responding to requests for additional information. If you would like more information on this program, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and crisis counselors can provide you with more details. Also, in regards to your legal questions, we feel they would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. You may leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. 
Should I report to the police or to my school? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Without more information about what you are wanting to report, it is hard for us to give you a clear answer, but we can assure you that whatever decision you make we will fully support you. If you have experienced something that was upsetting, traumatic, or out of your control, it is important that you feel what happens next is entirely in your control, and that whatever decision you make comes from you and only you. Reporting to your school or law enforcement would be helpful to you, but you can also do both if you would like. Please, know that you are not alone in this. We want to help you, and if you ever want to talk to someone about what you are going through or if you have more question, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
XXXXXXXXX 2016 my mother lost her job. We had to move. My mother moved to her man friend. I moved in with a school friend. The first 2 nights I slept on a couch. Her mother complained. She didn’t like my things in the living room. I moved to my friend’s bedroom. I was willing to sleep on the floor. Her mother said no. She didn’t want blankets and pillows on the floor. I started sleeping with my friend in her bed. The third night we were in bed my friend spooned me. At first I liked it. We hugged. I am not 100% innocent. I made my own choices to make this problem. I hugged her. I started it because I kissed her first. I was happy to have a place to live. It felt nice to be in bed with her, at least at first. She mistook my reasons. Each night she started this thing of hugging and kissing me. It was a night thing we did for each other. I didn’t want to make her angry. I could have probably easily stopped it at first but I didn’t speak my mind. I played along. I hugged and kissed her back. I had no other place to live. If she got her mad I’d have no place to go. She started stroking my hair and pulling off my shirt. She would rub my skin but not sexually yet. Later it became much more sexual. I was like a prisoner in her house. I do what she asks now because what else can I do? I turned 18 2 weeks ago. My only 2 goals are 1) survive. 2) graduate college so I don’t end up like my mother. I did check on joining the air force. I really don’t want to be in the military. Because there is no illegal crime (only hugging, kissing, and sex) and I really consented I’m not like a true crime victim either because I did agree. Or do you think it is a crime but I never have said no. I don’t know. I just know she is very loving and generous to me but I am the evil one for being deceptive to her. It just keeps going on almost daily in different ways. Even if its sometimes very pleasurable in some ways its still making me feel dead inside. Some days I just get us to orgasms if she wants sex fast so I can get it over. She is very loving and sweet to me. She has never physically fought me or even said a curse word to me. Am I my own victim I did to myself? I don’t know what to call this situation I’m in because I did it to myself because I lie and don’t tell her honestly.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are in this situation where you feel pressured to participate in activities that make you uncomfortable due to safety reasons. We cannot imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. To answer your question in regards to if it is your fault, no it is not your fault. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. You should not feel pressured to stay in a situation where you are doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, you do have options, and we want to help connect you with resources that may help you. If you would like to be connected with some resources, information about services we may be able to provide for you, or just someone to talk to, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We care, and we are here for you. 
Is it possible to be into girls in a romantic/cuddling/kissing way and into guys in a sexual way?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize when it comes to issues of attraction and sexuality, things can be kind of confusing and we appreciate you reaching out for support. When it comes to sexuality, there are no rules or restrictions. Not only is it possible, it is normal to be attracted to people of both genders. Whatever you are feeling or whomever you are attracted to, just know WEAVE supports you. If you are having questions about your sexuality or romantic interests, it is important to have a support system or someone you feel you can talk to about this that you trust. If you would like someone to talk to about these feelings you are having, a great resource is the LGBT National Hotline at 1.888.843.4464 or if you are located in Sacramento, CA, the LGBT Center in Midtown Sacramento at 916.442.0185. 

The police asked if I wanted an order of protection. I asked how long it would be for. They said 24-48 hours and 30 days at the most depending on what the judge said. They misled me into believing it would be s of protection. My wife was slapped with a 6 month order of protection against her. I am disabled and cant keep this house operational for 6 months by my self. I have epilepsy and need her here. We had one argument where she punched me and now I am loosing my home because I can’t afford it by myself. I feel the police are homophobes and this is just one more time they are trying to force us out. Please help. We never cause any issues. You would think the town would appreciate good neighbors. I don’t drink or do drugs but they always try to get me for something. I feel they have won. Sad. Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this happened to you. It sounds like you were put in a very upsetting situation where the police were not understanding you and that can be frustrating.  We would love to help you in any way we can, and we feel you might benefit from some legal advice from any of our wonderful legal advocates here at WEAVE. The best way to contact the legal advocates would be at the WEAVE Legal voicemail, the number is 916-440-6797, and it takes roughly 24/48 hours during the regular business week for advocates to return your call.  Please be sure to tell them if it is safe to leave a message for you on the number you provide. If you have any other concerns, questions, or would like to get connected to resources within the community, feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. 
I contacted an LGBTQ organization for advice. They said you may help me. I’m a divorced mother with one child, a daughter. She is 20 years old. When my daughter was in 10th grade she told me she was bisexual. I didn’t think too much about it. I assumed teens are not sure. For most of my daughter’s high school years she kept her dating relationships with her friends mostly a secret from me. In twelfth grade she started bringing girlfriends home to spend the night. I could tell from the noise and muffled conversations she was having sex. I felt unsure how to step in without making my daughter feel ashamed but didn’t want parents to be angry if they didn’t accept their teen doing teen lesbian behavior. By her senior prom I realized I needed to talk more to my daughter about her sexual identity and behavior. I thought she had been dating a boy. She didn’t tell me until the night of the prom she was dating a girl. Both wore dresses and corsages to the prom. It shocked me to see the two together. I know this is a mother talking about her own daughter, but my daughter and her girlfriend looked absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. They looked exactly like high fashion models one sees on the covers of a magazine. I realized then I had stereotyped ideas of how females who love females dress and look. I figured as time went on my daughter would tell me more about her sexual identity but she really didn’t. After her high school graduation my daughter began college, and became especially close to these seven other girls, some she and I have known from her high school days. I can’t explain it in any other way than to say they behave like a pack. They are almost always together as a group. They engage in open group sex and it terrifies me. It was just too much for me. I feel like my life is being taken over worrying about these girls. Do you know of other families locally who are caught in the same situation I am in? I’d like to know how other local mothers are dealing with this new way of daughter sexuality. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you have concerns for your daughter safety as well as having challenges in setting boundaries in your’ home. You described some situations that happened in your home that we did not post. It may be a good idea to create boundaries for your home if she is living there. I encourage you to also find local LGBTQ organizations that may be able to provide you and or your daughter support. If you need support you are welcome to give us a call on our Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 or you can contact national LGBT Support Line at 1-800-246-pride or LGBT Center in Sacramento at (916) 442-0185. I entered below a safe place for support.

I have been in a committed relationship with a man for almost 2 years now, and we often talk about future children and getting married. Unfortunately the past few months i have been having dreams and even fantasizing about being with a woman again. I love my boyfriend but i cant help but miss A relationship with a man and one with a woman are very very different all together. I even see the gorgeous girls on my facebook and want to flirt with them so bad. I cant imagine leaving my boyfriend but i dont want to be unsatisfied and unfulfilled for the rest of my life… i am so confused… i cant talk to my boyfriend about it, it will break his heart.

Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. Experiencing attractions and feelings towards both genders is normal. If it is safe to do so I encourage you to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Part of being in a healthy relationship is being able to be honest and work through things even if it is to leave the relationship.  You can also reach out to the national LGBT Support Line at 1-800-246-pride or LGBT Center in Sacramento at (916) 442-0185 or the national LGBTQ # 1 (888) 843-4564. I also encourage you to talk to a counselor to help you process the feelings you are going through.

My domestic partner decided to sell our home. I was totally against it concerned about being left behind with no place to live. He reassured me over and over that we would remain together that we would search for a new place and that he would return from working out of town to help me move when we found a new place. So I hesitantly agreed and signed the papers. None of his promises were kept and now I have no place to live. When I contact him he does not answer over and over to no end. When he does answer he belittles me as to why I am not looking for a place to live. He makes me feel that I am the one doing wrong even though he seems to not even care about me living on the street. I am lost and confused . Are there any legal recourse or of any kind I can take against him?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry you are now facing homelessness. My main concern is your safety, depending on your location there are different agencies that may be able to help you get off the streets until you find a more permanent place. Unfortunately WEAVE cannot answer any legal questions on our message boards however you do have options!! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for information regarding housing options and legal services! You are not alone!

I came to Sacramento for work after receiving my BS degree. I don’t know a lot of people here. At the credit union where I work I became friends with a female coworker at the first branch where I was assigned. We have many similar interests. I call her my shining star girlfriend (“gf”). She has always really helped me. I play board games at my gf’s apartment usually one night a week. We started with six females. Now it is down to usually me, another female, and my gf playing. At our last board game night I was playing with only my gf there. Her hubby was constantly calling, interrupting our game. He works night shift. My gf mentioned he calls like that when it is slow at his work and he wants phone sex. When my gf’s phone rang again for the umpteenth time I lost control. I grabbed her phone. With a polite stern voice I said to her hubby,”Hold on cowboy. Tonight I’m riding your wife. When we get done with our fuck together you can get your turn in her saddle. Please don’t call us again until we say,” and hung up. He stopped calling. Later he started texting our phones again: “Understood!” “That’s HOT!” “Do it!”"Is it fun?” My gf and I laughed thinking he thought we were having sex. Later the mood for me and my gf changed to serious. We talked about lesbianism. It seemed like the time in our friendship to talk about it. We told our sex fantasies for each other. If it wasn’t for her hubby’s approval and encouragement we would not have done what we did last week: we slept together. (cut for explicit content) When her husband came home he wanted a 3-way. Maybe another day. I didn’t want sex with him but said it to be nice and let him down gently. He went tyrant. He shouted at me. Called me a self-centered b***h. W***e slut. Wife carpet muncher. Many words to scare me. I couldn’t help it. I cried. Especially when he said he only let me do it with my gf because he was going to get sex from me too. I told him I don’t need to be insulted and disrespected. I went to my car and left.It’s been a week. Tonight’s our usual game night. I haven’t had a phone call, email, text, visit, or anything from my gf. It feels like she is ignoring me because of her hubby. I know she’s alive because I know she is still going to her C.U. branch and on her Facebook each day, but acting like I don’t exist. What do you suggest I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel like you are being ignored by your girlfriend, and that you were disrespected by her hubby. If i understand your question correctly you want to know how to have your gf talk to you again? Relationships can be difficult at times, and each relationship is different. I would recommend that you either call our 24 hour support and information line at (9160 920-2952 to talk with an advocate or to call the GLBT National hotline at (888) 843-4564. Without more information or understanding your actual question it is difficult to piece together the full scenario and your question.


 
I’m 22, working and living apart from my parents in India. I find myself lonely and I keep on indulging in having gay meetings with strangers. I feel very guilty because of it. I don’t know what to do to help my gay feelings!! Why did it happen to me? Why can’t I be straight! Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. As you may have seen on our website WEAVE is located in California, so the laws and culture around being gay is very different than how it is in India. Having feelings for someone of the same sex can be hard to handle on your own, especially if you feel like you can’t talk to anyone about them. I cannot tell you why you have these feelings, but it might be helpful to talk about them with someone who can support you! You can either call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or the national LGBTQ # 1 (888) 843-4564. We are here to help, and you are not alone !!!    

when i was 16 one of my older sisters had her csus dorm roommate live at our home for the summer. my sister was away working at a camp that summer so i was left alone with this roommate a lot. sometimes this roommate of my sister would braid my hair or paint my nails. one day she asked me if i wanted a massage. she helped me take off my clothes, she braided my hair, and she applied massage oil on me. she had me rub oil on her. we had sex on a blanket on the carpet in my bedroom. i had never been in a lesbian situation but she hummed and sucked when she did oral sex on me, things i couldn’t do on myself. i can only describe it as something i never expected. i can only call it as exploding when i had orgasms with her. after she molested me i stayed in my bedroom and i masturbated alone for a couple of days trying to get the same feelings of sexual joy. i finally went to my sister’s roommate and told her i wanted her to eat me again. she said no. i said if she didn’t have sex with me i was going to tell my sister what we did already. we had sex and she ate me out and i had some more of the most intense orgasms i ever had in my life. it was something about her beauty and how her mouth, lips, and tongue sucked and vibrated as she touched me. for the rest of the summer i kept going to her and telling her she was going to have sex with me. it really was i was the one hurting her back. she cried, said she was sorry, and told me to stop being mean. i think i was paying her back for what she did to me. i really was mean to her because i was angry how she made me feel so sexually pumped. i am 18 1/2 now in college and while i prefer guys i find i am always fantasizing about using females for just sex and the summer when i molested my sister’s roommate. i still find myself going over in my head the things we did together. because i was a perpetrator as well as a victim, how do you recommend i forget the memories? it bothers me how the best sex in my life was with a female who started out to hurt me and then i did it back to her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be very hard trying to “forget memories”, and confusing when it involves individuals of the same gender. Have you tried talking about these memories with anyone? Such as a national talk line, lgbtq line, a counselor, a friend, etc?. You mentioned how you are now in college, at most universities there are counseling centers as well as LGBTQ centers, even though you may not identify as a LGBTQ individual it may benefit to talk to someone who’s had similar experiences or can empathize with your situation. Our 24 hour support and information line is here to talk as well!! (916) 920-2952.

have a college classmate who works at a R.C. strip club. . . 

It is understandable that you are still impacted by the trauma  you experienced as child and young adult. When you need support, you can call WEAVE’s 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. They can provide you with more information about free sexual assault counseling and other supportive resources.

I have a friend who is bi and also feels that he is m2f transgender. However, he and his entire family are very Christian and he believes that if he indulges in these feelings, he’ll be condemned to hell after death. All I want for him is for him to be happy. Any suggestions on what I can do to help?

What a wonderful friend they have in you!! The LGBT Community Center in Sacramento is incredible space. Check out their website for more information about programs and events.   http://saccenter.org/

If there your friend is seeking further emotional support or has any needs pertaining to domestic or sexual violence, we have a 24 hour support line: 916-920-2952 and can provide more information about our services (we do offer community counseling on a sliding scale).

Let me start by saying that I’m not typically sexually attracted to guys. (message edited due to content) . I just don’t know what to do.

Experiencing attractions and feelings towards both genders is completely normal. Your confusion is also normal. You may want to consider talking to a trusted friend or adult if the attraction is creating anxiety. You can also reach out to the national LGBT Support Line at 1-800-246-pride or LGBT Center in Sacramento at (916) 442-0185.  You also indicated a desire to engage sexually with a friend who was asleep or while they were intoxicated. This is not ok. If your friend is not a consenting partner, your actions would be sexual assault. Any relationship you would choose to pursue with any gender should be consensual.

So I have been with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 boys. I am just so done with his bs. He is not the same from when we first got together. Out of the past 12 year about 7 of those years he has been high on something. I have gave him so many chances to clean up but there is always an excuse. The cops have been to my place but 2different times and didnt do anything. The first time it took them four hours to come to my place because I had left to a safe place until it was 10 at night and my kids need to go to bed. So I went home and just let it go. I had no proof of him smacking me in my face because he didnt do it that hard. The next time they came out was because a neighboor called on us at 1 in the morning. I had already taken my kids to sister who lives next door so they didnt do anything then either. I have always been the one to hold a job and provide for the family and he keeps doing the same thing. He keeps getting high and verbally abusing me and numbing us out. He’s never physically beat me but has put his hands on me. I have told him to leave but he always returns right back.He wont find a job and five months ago I got diagnosed with cancer. So now I am stuck with no place to go no because I dont make that much. No car and trying to stay close to my job for when I do go back. I am worried about being able to get my kids to school because my neighbor has been taking care of it. We are both on the lease agreement and will get very enraged if I start the whole restraining order process. I already have a bunch of holes in the house. All I want is for him to let me live my life and leave. Where do I start?

Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. I am sorry that you are in this situation and want you to know that you are not alone. WEAVE provides many services, including counseling, legal, and safe emergency shelter. To find out more about these services please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate can provide you with information specific to your needs, as well as provide additional resources and emotional support. 

My two children and I followed my ex to the east coast with a verbal agreement of how things would work. Within a few months she changed all that and now, two years later I am ruined and the kids have suffered loss as well. We want to return to CA, Sacramento specifically. Is there any way we can leave without getting arrested? My ex has mental health issues that keep her from telling the truth, the lies and says it is OK, I had to take her to court to get her to pay child support. In PA we are not recognized as a couple so I lost spousal support which CA allowed. I believe the kids are in an unsafe place with her emotionally and safety wise. She frequently will not feed them dinner, does not have medication for them when they are sick. 
Can we return and ask the court for some sort of asylum? We are on food stamps and medicaid and she does not care. She refused to take the kids for insurance coverage because it costs too much. She is a rabbi and earns more than $80,000.00 We have been without community and work for two years. I am ready to return and fight to stay in Sacramento but I at least want to know I have a fighting chance.

Hello and thank you for your inquiry. Custody disputes are difficult because each parent has their version of events. You have to report these statements to the relevant child abuse prevention agency where you live in order to get intervention on behalf of the kids.  Please consult an attorney where you live to find out about state laws with regard to domestic violence and custody.  This is a complex issue because of the layers involved, one, for example being who is the custodial parent in the eyes of the law, etc. 

I have been beaten by my girlfriend for months. I started the restraining order process but didnt follow through because I wasn’t on the lease and would have to move if I did. So I decided to wait it out until I had enough money to move out.Today she turned a knife on my son so I called police. I felt victimized by the officer more than my abuser. I was told all the things a victim fears they will hear when they call…why do you stay? Just go to a shelter (which isnt an option because I have an 18 yr old son and 2 cats), She’s entitled to be here too…and so on. I will never call the police again. He shamed me. Maybe theyll listen when she finally puts me in the hospital or kills me.

I am sorry you experienced this when you were seeking help, safety, and support. Your concerns are valued and although you have an adult child and pets, there may still be some options for safety. It may be helpful to attend a free counseling traige session at our K Street center or call the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952. Triage is available on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm. An advocate can assist you with your primary needs and provide resources.

My girlfriend beat me and I have filed a restraining order against her, including a temporary move out order. The problem is, the lease is in her name so she has gone to the office to tell them she is abandoning the apt. They are going to start an eviction. I need to find an apt for my son and I but will need deposit assistance. I only have one paycheck saved and a little over a week to find a new place. Are there local funds available for that sort of thing?

Thank you for contacting us for support and information. WEAVE’s legal department is a great resource and they will be able to assist with understanding housing protections and laws. You can find out more about our legal services by calling our 24 hour Information and Support line at 916-920-2952. Another resource is the Victim Witness Program at the Sacramento District Attorney’s office if you are in Sacramento County at 916-874-5701. Sometimes they can assist with housing if qualified. Please feel free to contact us again if you need additional resources.  

I found out I’m bisexual a few months ago, but I’m scared to come out because I’m a Christian and I’m scared my family will judge me for it. I also think I have a crush on my friend but I don’t want to say anything because she’s straight and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
Please help me.

Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE. That’s great that you are becoming more aware of your sexual identity! You do have some legit concerns about coming out to parents and friends. People who identify with being LGBT have many different ways and times when they feel that it its right to come out. There are many resources you can check into to get support around this. You can call our support line and explore many different things in relation to your identity at 916 920- 2952. The Gender Health Center offers low cost counseling at 916- 455-2391. Legally, a counselor cannot out you to your parents if you go there. Also, L.Y.R.I.C. (Lavender Youth Recreation and Information Center) at 800-246-PRIDE  (7743) is a great way to talk to someone about sexual identity concerns like coming out. They are a great resource for youth. I hope this helps. Good luck!

My daughter is in a Lesbian relationship. Every since she moved in with her girlfriend (At age 20) she rarely sees her family and friends (she is almost 22 now). She has to ask if she can come over or go anywhere with us and the answer is usually no. She was supposed to go back to school, but has not. She doesn’t answer our calls or respond to us via text. When we try to give her food to take home, her partner says she doesn’t need it or tells her she has eaten enough. She has lost a lot of weight too. I’m afraid she is being controlled by her partner. Should I confront her? What should I say? Prior to this relationship, she was always happy and did a lot of things with friends. I don’t want her to think that we are only concerned because she is a lesbian. We would be concerned if this was a guy and she was doing the same thing. It sounds like you are really concerned for your daughter. It may be helpful to let her know that you are noticing these changes. It can be helpful to approach the subject with care as she may be experiencing emotions about you bringing up the subject. Isolation and control are big components of unhealthy relationships. If she is being isolated from family or friends it will be beneficial to remind her that you are there to help her and support her. If you would like support on how this is impacting you and need a listening ear on the other end of the phone you are welcome to give us a call on our Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. You are also welcome to give your daughter our number so that she knows there is a safe place to call should she wish to do so. 
Me and my kids are being abused by my partner. I am scared to leave them home with her and scared to be home myself. I can’t afford the home we are in by myself and my kids are doing the best they ever have in the schools i have them in. I need help I dont know what to to do, where to go, we cry every day and I keep telling them its going to get better and be ok. but its not its getting worse and worse everyday. I truly am despreat for help please can anyone help me. we live in elk grove my kids are 12 and 14. please help us. As in all domestic violence situations, safety must be a priority.  You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 where you will be able to talk to an advocate to help you formulate a safety plan for you and your children.  An advocate will be able to discuss what options are available to you and how to best implement them to meet your needs.  It sounds like you are being very supportive to your children but it is also important for you to get emotional support for yourself as well.  You may also contact your children’s school counselor’s to discuss what services are available to them at school.
  I am a lesbian who had started getting raped a year ago today. It was on going for a few weeks until I was able to get away. I ended up getting pregnant and having a son. My girlfriend has been very understanding through this entire process but my attacker found out I was pregnant and before my son was even born he had gone to the court saying he wanted sole custody and was trying to get me served. I never reported it, after the initial shock because of who this person was to me, I also didn’t want my son to ever find out how he was conceived so I never reported it. My son is almost 3 months now and there have been 2 hearings in this custody battle, I was wondering if, in the state of Arizona, I could still report it and if that could make a difference?
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately, I do not know the laws in Arizona and would not be able to provide you with legal advice. It must be difficult trying to tend to the physical and emotional needs of your infant while also trying to move on and heal from the assault when you have to deal with your rapist in court. It may be helpful to call the police department in the town where the crime occurred and see what the statute of limitations is concerning rape in AZ. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding your experience and get some emotional support you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
I am (or thought I was) a definite zero in the Kinsey scale. My zero is being drastically challenged by someone I just met and barely know. I have a “real” life with a family and its responsibilities. I would like to address this feeling as a “crush”, but it is severely affecting the way I deal with this person in particular. I am usually very rational and in control of my emotions, but this one has shaken me to the core. I am terrified about the idea of not being able to control my reactions when in her presence. Unfortunately, this is no random person but someone I have to report to at work. She is extremely kind and professional. Last time we met I could actually hear my heart pounding through my chest, I was tongue-tied and not making much sense with my comments on the discussion at hand. I guess I experienced a mini-anxiety attack. I just could not catch my breath and my face was on fire. She was gracious enough to leave the room briefly and later on to offer me a drink. She seems to be very perceptive and aware of the struggle I am in. To say that I am beyond mortified is an understatement. I just don’t know how to handle whatever-this-is and I am supposed to do so! I need to make this work. This is no joke. I need my job and I am passionate about it, but I just freeze at the idea of having to wrestle with this primal attraction towards her. I am almost certain she is gay (and probably in a stable relationship – just like me, how ironic) I do not know her at all. I just met her twice within a professional environment. She seems to be a wonderful person but I highly doubt she is attracted to me. But that’s not the real issue here. ..the challenge at hand is that I just want to do my job without looking like a fool and/or dying of anxiety in the process. So, I need to look and act in a professional manner but most of all, I do not want her to feel uncomfortable in my presence or give her any hints of my nonsensical crush (I guess it might be a bit late for that). I want to be the confident, relax and happy person I used to be at work, not the stiff, anxious, and edited version of myself. So, how can I behave professionally towards her while I figure “this” out? HELP! I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time processing how you are feeling and managing your response to this person. I think it can be very normal to be attracted to and or have a crush on another person.  It’s great that you are aware and present to the fact that the 2 of you are in existing committed relationships. It may be a good idea to work with a counselor that can help you process what you’re going through and even create breathing exercises and or ways of working through this so that you can be less anxious around this person. WEAVE does offer general counseling and you can access that by coming to one of our triages. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. 
How do I know if I’m bisexual? I don’t know if there is an answer I can give you for that. Sexual orientation is such a person journey for each individual. Here are a few resources that can help. L.Y.R.I.C (Lavender Youth Recreation and information Center) 800-246-4564. Also the Gender Health Center 916-455-2391.
From the summer going into 9th grade I truly started to question my sexuality. It wasn’t until December of my 10th grade year that I decided to come out to my best friend and my sister. The reason it really started in that summer is because I met my best friend. Before that I just thought my attraction to girls were just natural, but, sadly, I’m in love with her. It sucks. Our relationship had always been very jokingly “lesbian.” As in we joked around of being into each other, at least she was joking. Every time it got to that joking point I wanted to back out because I didn’t want her to know the truth that I was truly falling for her. When I decided to tell her last winter break, it was over Skype. Another plot-twist, she lives far away. So it’s not like i can do much about my feelings. Anyways, I know I love her and after I told her…I liked and said out “lesbian” jokes were just jokes. Since then it obviously hasn’t bee the same in that sense but she, along with my sister, are very supportive in helping me find out if I’m bisexual or just lesbian. I guess I should mention that she is also going through a very tough time in her life. She is depressed and her bulimia, even though it is being trreated, isn’t getting better. I miss her, and I was hoping to see if I’ll visit her over spring break. So…I guess my question is should I hold it in? It really is killing me not to tell her, she is my best friend and as far as I know straight. I know you get this a lot… “should I tell my straight best friend I love/have a crush on her?” But honestly I don’t think I can hold it in anymore. I don’t want to hurt her though, I know what she is going through and I went through depression myself, with suicidal thoughts not bulimia, during 7th & 8th grade. To tell you the truth she was the one that helped me through it just by being there. Anyways…I’m not asking for a straight answer if you feel you can’t give me one, just advice on my feelings, but most importantly what should I do to try to help her through this time?  First, thank you for being brave enough to share with us and ask for help. It sounds like you are struggling with your own identity as well as how you want to define your friendship. Relationships can be challenging even when we don’t have other factors influencing them. I’m hearing that, not only are you going through a lot, but your best friend is also which may be adding to the challenges. Being there for someone who is struggling can be difficult especially when you love them and want the best for them. Deciding whether you want to remain friends or share your feelings with her will be a difficult choice. That is not a choice you have to make alone, as there are many counselors and resources that can help you decide how to move forward. You are right that there is not a straight answer as the answer will depend on what you are comfortable with and what you feel is best for both of you. You mentioned having suicidal thoughts in the past and that your friend was there for you . It sounds like you have a very strong friendship. If you are in a place again where you have suicidal thoughts I want to encourage you to reach out for help and talk to someone, like you did by writing to us today. The National Suicide Hotline is a free, confidential and nonjudgmental support system that you can access anytime by calling 800.273.8255. California also has a youth crisis line that you can call anytime for support or if you have questions. They are also a confidential and nonjudgmental resource you can use anytime by calling 800.843.5200. Calling a counselor can also help you learn ways to support your friend through her struggles and decide if you are ready to share your feelings with her. Phone counselors may also be able to help you locate resources where she lives that she can access for further help. 
So, I’m practically in love with this girl who is lesbian (I’m bisexual…might be lesbian. idk) but this girl, also happens to be my BEST FRIEND. She knows I like her, and she SAID she likes me, too. But she also said she won’t date me because she doesn’t want to mess up our friendship. She also kind of brags about being a player and she doesn’t know why all these girls like her and blah blah blah blah blah blah. She also flirts with me, all the time. Am I being played? Does she really like me and just honestly is friend zone-ing me? How do I get her to date me? I just like her so much….. Friendships can be difficult to balance even without adding a romantic element. A healthy relationship consists of trust, communication and mutual respect. If your friend does not want to be in a romantic relationship it is important to respect her decision. You may find it useful to have a conversation with your friend about the concerns you are having. You may also find it helpful to speak to a counselor about how you are feeling.  Counselors are available 24/7 on WEAVE’s Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952
I have had a crush on a friend of mine for some time now. I don’t understand it because I’ve never had an infatuation with a man before. . . (edited for length and confidentiality) I don’t know where these feelings came from but it hurts to feel them. I would even just take a fling because that would be some kind of closure. Bottom line…….I’m scared to tell him because I don’t want to ruin my friendship with him. But just a friendship with him seems to be ruining me. Any advice, criticism, sympathy, or acknowledgement to this from an outside person would help. It sounds as if you are struggling with a variety of very natural and normal emotions.  These are completely normal.  There is no way of knowing what your friend’s reaction would be if you shared your feelings and you must determine if the risk of sharing your feelings is worth potentially losing the relationship.  You may find it valuable to talk with a counselor about your feelings, the confusion you have expressed and possible impact of sharing your feelings with your friend.  WEAVE’s services extend beyond domestic violence and sexual assault and we offer Community Counseling services on a sliding fee scale – if you would like to arrange to meet with a Counselor, you can contact our Business Line at 916.448.2321 for more information.
How do you get into counseling for sexual abuse? How many times do you meet with a counselor?And what are the services offered?
The first step to accessing counseling services is to attend a walk-in triage session with a counselor.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  Sexual assault survivors receive eight sessions of free counseling with additional sessions available via victim witness or private pay (sliding scale).  
Yesterday, I received my first professional massage from a licensed male masseur at a local business. I am a gay male, and the masseur happened to also be a gay male. (Edited for length and content) The massage business sent me a survey this morning, and I gave them my honest opinion, and said that I felt sexually assaulted. It’s been on my mind all day, and I am feeling a lot of guilt, sadness, and don’t know what I should do now. I feel a strong urge to tell my Boyfriend, but I am afraid he will demand that I report the incident to the police, and I am not sure if I want to do that or not. One of my friends told me that I should file a police report, send a letter to the better business bureau, and hire an attorney. My head is spinning now, and all I really want to do is forget this ever happened. I feel angry about it, and unsure of whether this was indeed a sexual assault, or if I am partial to blame? I could really use some advice right now. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity and what happened to you is not your fault. Regardless of the conversation or your physical reactions, a professional massage therapist should never engage in sexual touching as part of a legitimate massage. You were in a situation where you were vulnerable and the massage therapist took advantage of this and violated professional responsibilities. His actions were wrong and his efforts to shift responsibility to you are unacceptable. The emotions you are feeling are normal. It is good that you have supportive friends you can talk with. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you if you wish to talk with a therapist. You can call our Business Line at 916.448.2321 to schedule an intake appointment. If you find you need support sooner, our 24 hour Support & Information Line is always a resource – 916.920.2952. In regards to filing a police report, you clearly have mixed feelings about the matter which are understandable and choosing not to report does not make the assault any less real – WEAVE is here to support you regardless of your choice to report. You may also want to consider reporting his conduct to the state licensing board and to his employer. It is likely this individual has assaulted other clients or will in the future. Please remember you did not cause the assault and you are not to blame for what happened to you.
My partner has what I think are anger issues. She yells, cuts me down, and tells me I’m being disrespectful whenever I try to speak out against how she’s talking to me. She got physical with me one time by kicking me in the chest, but has not been physical since then. Last night, she got mad at me and poured water and beer on me and broke some of my belongings. I know this is not healthy, but not sure if it’s abuse. I told her that what she did was not acceptable no matter how mad she got and her response was, “well, I didn’t hit you!” She
thinks it’s OK to break my belongings since she, the breadwinnner, bought them.
WEAVE believes that domestic violence can occur in many forms: physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual. When a partner’s words or actions make us feel less-than, that is abusive behavior. In non-abusive relationships each person encourages, supports, and respects the other. Often we can recognize abusive behavior, but it is challenging to know what to do once we find ourselves in an abusive relationship. WEAVE’s counselors can provide support and resources for you at our 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952.
I have been in a physically abusive relationship in the past, and was lucky to escape as a survivor. I have done years of private therapy to help heal me emotionally. However, I find myself in a relationship now that I think may be an abusive one, though I am not sure. My current Partner is very loving and has very little anger, so I am unsure if her actions are
abuse or something else entirely. My Partner is very jealous and often simple actions like talking to a friend or telling a joke ellicits very verbally angry responses from my Partner. After a few minutes of her verbally berating me, she will see my saddness and stop, then changing her tune to that she was just kidding. My Partner is constantly acusing me of cheating to the point I don’t see my friends any more, unless she is there too. She says that I am free to see whomever I please and go wherever I want, but I know that there will be an emotional hell to pay if I do. She says she is just insecure and that she is working on it, but we have been together for four years and I have seen a shift for the worse rather than improvement. My dillema is determining if this is abuse of a different variety or if it is just her insecurities playing out in a normal way.
The healing process for survivors of domestic violence takes time, and the effects of abuse may last a lifetime. It was great that you reached out for counseling because of the experiences of your previous relationship. But even after counseling sometimes survivors later discover that they are in another abusive relationship. In non-abusive relationships when conflict arises it is resolved without the feeling of fear, and neither feel that there will be “emotional hell to pay” for wanting friendship outside the relationship. By talking with a counselor you can discover to what extent your past relationship is impacting your current relationship, and focus on what you want from your current relationship.  WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line can be a first step for you and provide you with support – 916.920.2952.  You can also learn more about WEAVE’s Counseling Services during the call, if you wish.
I am deciding to leave my partner she is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. We have a 6 month old son. How can weave help me in getting out safely. I am not sure she will hurt me but I know she won’t let me leave. When a person decides to leave their abuser there are steps they can take to increase their safety and of their children. WEAVE’s Support Line can develop an individual “Safety Plan” that will assist you with the planning process, help you on the day you leave, and increase your safety once you are separated. WEAVE’s counselors are available to assist you in the planning process 24-hours a day at 916.920.2952.
When a person decides to leave their abuser there are steps they can take to increase their safety and of their children. WEAVE’s Support Line can develop an individual “Safety Plan” that will assist you with the planning process, help you on the day you leave, and increase your safety once you are separated. WEAVE’s counselors are available to assist you in the planning process 24-hours a day at 916.920.2952. Our sexuality is very complex. For some, an attraction to a specific gender is all they ever know while others may experience an attraction to both genders. This can be confusing and finding a supportive resource to ask these questions can be difficult. WEAVE is here to support victims of domestic violence and sexual assault and recognizes that violence does not discriminate. Our services are available to any victim regardless of sexual identity. Your question does not indicate you are experiencing abuse – if you are experiencing abuse, please call our 24 hour Support Line for information about services for victims – 916.920.2952. For resources regarding questions about your sexual identity, the Sacramento region is supported by The Center whose great staff can offer support and help begin to answer questions. Go to www.saccenter.org or call 916.442.0185for more information about their services.
I am a gay woman. Last semester in college everyone around me was telling me I wasn’t gay and I just needed to be with a man. So unintentionally I got into an abusive relationship where I was sexually assaulted many times. At the beginning I would say it was ok, bat after a minute or so, I’d say no I don’t want this but it continued long after that. It’s now been 7 months and I’m with a woman who is supportive of me and knows what happened. I’m extremely happy with her, and even when I go to bed happy the nightmares still come. I’m scared of even the idea of meeting him by chance on the street again, it’s happened before and I broke down emotionally. How long will this irrational fear, and these stupid nightmares keep up? I just want this feeling to be gone. It sounds like you are currently in a supportive and loving relationship now, but you are still experiencing the effects of your previous abusive relationship. The feeling of fear, and the nightmares you are still experiencing are a natural reaction to being a survivor of violence. The timeline for the process healing varies for each individual, but one way to continue the process you have already started is to express your feelings. WEAVE offers many resources for survivors to continue the healing, and the counselors at WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line can provide you some of the options available to you at 916-920-2952.
What are some safe, free lgbt chatrooms for preteens-teens? I need someone to talk to who will believe me and won’t tell me I need a therapist. I know there aren’t many but maybe you know one that’s good? WEAVE offers a variety of supportive services to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. We have also listed several helpful and supportive resources under the ‘Just for Teens’ sections of this website, which can be viewed here. If you feel that you are in an abusive environment, please call WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
I have a roomate that I think is an abusive relationship. My roomate is constantly saying that she has and anger problem but when I see them fighting her partner is the one doing the hitting. But when my roomate does hit back or holds her to get her to stop hitting her the partner always says that my roomate is the abuser…Ive talked to my roomate about what the fight was about and most of the time she says she dosnt know why her partner got mad at her… I also was in a relationship with my roomate before she got to geather with her current girl friend and she never raised a hand to me. we been to gether for 10 years…I want to give my roomate help because it seems to be getting worse. have you heard of that kind of abuse where the other person says they are being abused when they are the one that is controling and abuseing the other?? Every relationship is different, but physical violence is never acceptable. Often times, an abuser will make their partner feel guilty or that the violence is their fault. It is possible that your roommate’s partner is turning the situation around. It might be helpful for you and/or your roommate to talk with a trained advocate on our Support and Information Line to learn more. You can call any time – day or night – the number is 916.920.2952.
Do you have statistics as to how many gay men are victims of partner abuse? Whether a couple is same-sex or opposite-sex, many dynamics of abuse are the same. Please see the LGBTQ section of the website for more information. If you feel that you are in an abusive enviornment, please call WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
my partner is mentally abusvive to me I’m a lesbian and she puts me down all the time You deserve to be in a loving, health relationship. Someone who loves you should not bring you down emotionally and/or mentally. WEAVE counseling services may be an option for you. You may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for emotional support and information about WEAVE services.
Are trans women welcome at the safehouse? Interpersonal violence and sexual assault affect everyone and is never acceptable. WEAVE is an inclusive organization which works with each survivor to meet their specific needs. Qualifications for and the type of safe shelter provided – either through the Safehouse, motel, or referrals to other service providers – is determined based on the current situation and needs of each survivor. Transgender survivors of interpersonal violence will be provided with the most appropriate services for their situation. WEAVE never discriminates based on ethnicity, gender, sexual identity or orientation, religion, disability or other factors but does determine the best course of services based on the needs of the individual and the needs of others residing in the Safehouse’s communal structure. If you are experiencing violence or abuse in your relationship please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and assistance. WEAVE also offers individual and group counseling services. You can learn more about your options and WEAVE services by calling the 24 hour Crisis Line.

What about the LGBT community, are they affected by domestic violence also and why is there not a lot of info about them?

Whether a couple is same-sex or opposite-sex, many dynamics of abuse are the same. An abusive relationship is fueled by the desire of the abuser to have control over his or her partner. At the same time, we recognize there are unique barriers to LGBT survivors . Our mission is to provide counseling, legal help , and additional services to all people affected by domestic violence and sexual assault in a culturally competent and sensitive manner.