Sexual Assault Message Board

Message Board

Sexual Assault Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question  on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in three business days.

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails.

Questions Answers
I don’t understand if my dad molested me?He was rly inappropriate (im 20 now) my whole life (makes sexual jokes, inappropriate nudity and touching) When i was 10 he tried to have sex with me. I fought him so it didn’t happen. I really love my dad so much… i don’t really want it to be true he committed incest or whatever. I didn’t get assaulted in that way, so does it count? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. To be sexually assaulted is to experience any type of sexual contact or behaviors from another person, that happen without the explicit consent of the recipient. If you are interested in some supportive services like counseling, please feel free to reach out to our Support Line. Our number is (916)920-2952 and our line is available 24/7.
When I was like 10-12, I don’t remember the exact age, I was sitting on my bed and watching a movie with my step brother. He grabbed me and pulled me on top of him. My back was pressed to his chest and he dug his thumbs into the sides of my pants. He tried to pull them down. I elbowed him in the side and ran off. Nothing happened after that and I haven’t seen him in years, thank goodness. I entirely forgot about this experience but then a couple months ago I remembered it and I’m looked on it in a new light. Back then I just thought it was just like one of those weird scary things that just happen sometimes but like it’s not a big deal. But now I’m looking back and I keep thinking that it counts as SA. Everytime I think that I counter myself and I’m like no it doesn’t count. Although I know if someone else told me this story I would tell them it absolutely counts. Im entirely conflicted and I keep thinking about it. I just don’t know if my experience counts or not. I guess I just want to know if this actually counts as sexual assault or if I’m overreacting and mislabeling things. Thank you for reaching out to Weave. I am so sorry that you have had this experience. We define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. With that, sexual assault can include any touching that is unwanted. If you do not consent to any sexual contact or touching it is sexual assault. If you’re in need of any support to process what you have experienced you can reach out to our confidential 24/7 support line, 916-920-2952. Advocates are available on the line at anytime to provide emotional support and connect clients to services.
If a much larger and older man who I used to see as a father figure used to grab my butt while hugging me (making sure to go where he wouldn’t be seen) back when I was 17, was I sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, or neither? Besides making innapropriate comments and trying to kiss my neck once, he never took it any further than that. I went completely silent and froze, but tried to push him away and was clearly uncomfortable, to which he just laughed and ignored me. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this. It seems like you are trying to figure out what qualifies as sexual assault. Here at WEAVE, we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity which can include unwanted touching &/or kissing. Sexual assault is not only rape. No one has the right to touch you or do things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes”, it is sexual assault. No one should ever grab your body without your consent. No one should cross that boundary with you especially an adult that you have seen as a father figure in the past. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.
I am struggling with what to do. It has recently been brought to my attention that a cousin of mine was sexually abused as a child by another cousin. For years this went on and when the parents found out. The brushed it under the rug. Now I am finding out that this happened to another cousin. The first cousin is the one who shared their story. (This happe ed 30 years ago) They have said it’s okay if I do invite him to my wedding in a month. And it’s also okay if I share with my mom why I am not inviting him to our wedding. I am struggling with this, bc the original reason the first cousin said they didn’t want it out yet was for the sake of our grandparents. And protecting this from them. Now my mom is asking why this person didn’t get an invite. And idk how to approach this subject with my mom. I have talked to my cousin who was the first victim already and they are okay with either outcome. My fiancé was also sexually assaulted in his teens and he also feels strongly about us not inviting this person. The invisible problem here is that my family is INCREDIBLY close. 7 aunts and uncles all living within a 5 mile radius of each other. We are all each other’s best friends. Idk how to approach this with my mom. As she is also one who knew of this happening 30 years ago. I am sorry that you are having to deal with thing during such a special time for you. You have the right to invite or not invite someone to your wedding because it is your special day. If you feel it is important to have that conversation with your mother you can and hopefully she will be understanding of your decision. 
I had an adult forcefully kiss me when I was a child. It’s been on my mind lately. I think I’m overreacting but do you think a person can be traumatized by that? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this. It seems like you are trying to figure out what qualifies as sexual assault. Here at WEAVE, we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity which can include unwanted touching &/or kissing. Sexual assault is not only rape. No one has the right to touch you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes”, it is sexual assault. You are not overreacting and a situation like this can be traumatic. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.

I have multiple instances of experiences I want to know are sexual assault or not…

 

When I was around 14 my older sibling (18 at the time) touched me while playing a game… mostly groped or things like that but it never got bad

When I was at prom a bunch of boys kept making comments at me and putting their arms around me

When I went on a date with someone they started to neck kiss me and I froze and they put their hand on my thigh but I didn’t say anything afterwards…

Thank you for reaching out to Weave. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity which can include unwanted touching. It may be beneficial to your healing to walk through these experiences with a counselor. If you are interested in our services, you can reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information Line, (916) 920-2952, to be assessed for our counseling program. Below I added a few more counseling resources that you could connect with for potential services:

Cross Creek Family Counseling, www.crosscreekcounseling.com, (916) 722-6100

 

La Familia Counseling, http://lafcc.org/, (916) 452-3601

I was out with my friends the other night and we got separated. A man older than me started dancing and grinding on me, then bought be a shot and led me outside. I was really drunk and if don’t remember when he started kissing me but once i realized what i was doing i realized he was also fingering me. i didn’t ask him to but i also didn’t say no. is this considered sexual assault? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this. We cannot imagine how scary and uncomfortable this situation must have been for you. It seems like this situation was overwhelming.  It seems like you are trying to figure out what qualifies as sexual assault. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. No one has the right to touch you, have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
I was sexually assaulted while very intoxicated and sick from it. The rapist helped me out of drowning in my own vomit, cleaned me up in the shower, and put me in a bed. He then climbed in too. I could barely lift my head, nevermind fight him off. Does my lack of ability to fight mean I consented?
 
I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not to blame for what happened. It is not your fault. You do not need to fight during an assault for it to be considered rape.  It is against the law to have sex with someone while they are under the influence because they would not be in the right frame of mind to give consent. Many people take advantage of others vulnerability while they are under the influence. Being intoxicated does not justifying his actions. He took advantage of the situation. You were impaired so you could not consent. Please know that there is support out there for you and counselors that are available to help you work through this and answer your questions.  I would encourage you to find someone safe to talk about this whether it be a friend or professional counseling. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You are more than welcome to contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 for more additional support and more information on how to access services.
A little under a year ago I experienced sexual assault. The daily trauma I work with relating to it has reduced but recently I’ve begun having nightmare about having sex with my girlfriend (of almost 5 years)
To be clear my girlfriend wasn’t the one who assaulted me, and she has been nothing but respectful and aware of my boundaries. I don’t know why these nightmares keep happening or how to/ if I should tell her about them.
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Trauma can sometimes affect our relationships in ways we do not understand. Have you talked to anyone about this like a friend or therapist? It might be helpful to speak to someone about how you are feeling and help manage any triggers you may have. They can also help you figure out how and if you want to tell your girlfriend about what happened. There is no right or wrong answer. You do what you feel most comfortable doing and that may take time. If you are in the Sacramento County and would like help finding a therapist or support group, please reach out to our 24/7 support line (916) 920-2952
I was sexually assaulted and groomed for approximately 2 years between the ages of 13-15 by an adult, I live in the state of NY, which is also where the crime occurred, and am wondering what would happen if I were to report this crime? I’m unsure if anything could be done as I’m not familiar with the statutes/laws, nor is there any solid evidence. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry to hear you have experienced this. Have you reached out to your support system for help navigating this? It can be scary doing this alone. Unfortunately, we cannot give legal advice here and we primarily serve survivors that reside in Sacramento County.  I encourage you to reach out to RAINN Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network for support, info on local laws & finding resources in your area https://www.rainn.org/resources
My boyfriend has been getting very violent in sex its been getting more and more violent and he has left bruises on me. He sqeezed my breast very hard as if to tear them off of me…I told him to stop i said it hurts i tried moving his hands away he just became like an animal and didn’t stop i have bruises on them he has also tried choking. He blames it on me when confronted saying he couldn’t control himself around me. He has been gaslight me and silent treatments before this…was he doing this as a form of punishment to get back at me after the silent treatment? Should I leave him will it get worse?? 

Hello, 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, I am sorry you are experiencing this. We would gladly like to assist you with any guidance we could offer. We are here to help you determine a solution that you believe is best for yourself. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952, to speak with an advocate and receive more resources. We are always here to support you and will be available whenever you are ready. Remember you are not alone.  

i am not contented my husband and im a sex addict  Hi there, thanks for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like you might be experiencing some difficulty. If you would like to share more with us about what is going on, we’re here to listen. You can reach our support line at 916-920-2952 24 hours a day.  
This is weird. I’ve been sexually abused repeatedly throughout my life. I’m 63. My last boyfriend just did this to me. I’ve blocked him. He cannot contact me. Weirdest thing. I cannot hardly remember what he looks like. It’s only been a few days. What’s going on. I’m scared. This has never happened.  Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, it’s normal to be feeling scared and overwhelmed. Everyone’s experience is different, but it’s normal to have memory gaps and feel frightened and overwhelmed. If you think it might be helpful, we would love to talk with you more. You can reach our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. We can offer support and resources for you if your are interested, you get to decide what will be best for youl.  
My husband hits me and chokes me and kicks me and strangled me and says he will murder me. He punches me and grabs my arms grabs my body parts and gropes me. At this point I am terrified to leave and for people to see me covered in bruises. I know he is going to kill me because he tried previously and something went wrong. I have nowhere to hide. His family and friends All support him in beating and murdering me. He also claims that he beat his ex fiancé (who had serious mental l illness) and his mother calls her atrocious profanities. He said his family will “crush” me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. I am sorry you have been dealing with such violence and harmful threats. We would love to provide you with some immediate support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

My husband and I have been together for just over 3 years we have two kids together (our oldest, 2, was born out of wedlock). The abuse at first was very minuscule seeing as we live with his parents for the first 2 years of us being together. At first it was just manipulation, he would manipulate the circumstance to best suit himself even if that meant contradicting himself. And if I called him out on it he would just say that I was crazy and that he never said that. For the longest time I couldn’t see what he was doing. He was slowly building thing up to the point where I started questioning my own sanity. Even simple things like events that never took place or even whole conversations that happened, he would try to convince me they hadn’t. At the time I was very heavily influenced by the way that I was raised. That being that the woman is to submit to the man and the man is in charge of everything and anything and everything the man wanted, he was supposed to get. Whether I wanted that or whether it was wrong or not. That leaves a lot of lead way for the man to do whatever the fuck he wants. He then started to use that against me whenever he wanted sex but I didn’t. This happened quite a lot. He frequently tried to make me feel bad and guilty when I said I didn’t want to. He would tell me that it’s my responsibility as a wife to give him what he wants. Because I had given my body to him and that I belonged to him so if he wanted sex then he should have it. He would make me feel so guilty and bad half the time that I complied. And when I didn’t comply he would blame me for his actions.

About two weeks ago now, we got into an argument about the house is never cleaned and that I’m lazy and a fucking slob and how nothing ever stay cleaned (we have two children age 2 and 7 months in a tiny house. No shit) and how I don’t do my job (btw I’m a stay at home mom). He told me me everything better be cleaned by the time he got home or else. I said, or else what? He said or else I’m going to tie you up and take you to Alabama where I can beat your ass (we live in Florida). I was in total disbelief and didn’t really know what to say. I wouldn’t put it passed him at this point. I try to act as if what he said hadn’t shaken me and tell him he will do no such thing. He then goes into our bedroom and proceeds to take our laundry basket full of clean, folded clothes, and starts throwing them all over the room, he knocks down a couple of things that are on the dresser while he’s throwing clothes everywhere and then throws the basket on the floor. He walks out and tells me I better have this shit cleaned up before he gets back home. I broke down in tears after he left.

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. No one deserves to experience this. We can’t define your experiences or relationship, but we can offer definitions for certain terms that can be helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. Additionally, we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. This includes forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or do anything to you without your explicit consent. Your body is your own. The safety of yourself and your children is the most important thing. You know your relationship best so you get to make those choices – we have a safety planning handout that some find helpful: https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. You can also call or chat the national domestic violence hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233 

http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ 

I’ve been dating my fiancé for almost 3 years. A couple weeks ago we got in a fight and he almost chocked me to death, gave me a black eye and humiliated me. I haven’t told anyone but I took pictures of the abuse and wrote my story down in a Google drive, I don’t trust anyone to tell, my family lives in Europe and I’m in the USA by myself. I would like to have someone notice the authorities if I happen to disappear and give them the password to my drive where all the evidence is. Is there anyone who could help me with this? He is a rich man and things he’s beyond the law.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, and opening about your situation, it is clear you are going through a lot at the moment. We truly admire your strength, you are not alone. We want you to know that we are here to support you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
How do I confront my boyfriend who talks about sexually assaulting me in front of his friends like it’s a joke?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to hear this information. It is normal that you are feeling the way you are feeling. Everyone one deserves respect and trust in their relationship. If you are uncomfortable, then your boyfriend should respect your boundaries and stop. You are entitled to feel however you want about this situation and it is not your fault. It seems like this has been a lot to process.  If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

My ex beat me and threatened to kill me. He took my kids while we were still married and I left to work to get away from him. We got divorced, then he took me to court for full custody of my children. We are still battling court. He choked my oldest daughter, and beat my oldest son. That happened in a different state, while I was off working, so the police wont help me. I need to press charges, but I’m scared I’m too late. He has them and noone will help me because we were in a different state when the abuse happened. I have a video of him hitting me and yelling at me while he was drunk, in front of my kids. It’s been almost 4 years since I’ve held them in my arms. I hate him. What can I do? How can I fight him back in court? What do I do with the video? How do I get help!? 

 

 My youngest daughter was conceived of rape, after he dragged me to his basement and beat me. He wouldnt even let me soothe my infant son! This was back in 2016. I dont have footage of that. Je kept it up for years, and when I fled to OK, he followed me. I lost contact with family and friends. He threatened to kill my mom and my baby siblings. He threatened to kill me and my kids. Hes now trying to use the kids to force me to play his games. What can I do? I just want my freedom! I just want and need someone to hear me! Is this a lost cause? Is there any hope? Is there a God? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you have been dealing with this scary and stressful situation. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated like this and it is not your fault. It is frustrating to read that you have not been able to receive help with your situation and have been dealing with this for a long time. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
I was stalked and coerced with tuition money, gifts, clothes, a car, you name it. I was also controlled by and brutally assaulted by the stalker, who is trying to make himself look good at all costs. Since the police refuse an arrest without a warrant (he was arrested previously) and his sister bailed him out. I am definitely leaving him. If he follows me and prevents me from leaving, can I have him arrested? He is trying g to hold me hostage on a large farm and doesn’t pay for heat or trash. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and very scary. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both

I’ve dated this guy for 4 years. 
I’ve woke up several times to him having sex with me while I’m asleep. I wake up and tell him to stop. He doesn’t stop. I feel violated. 
He says he didn’t rape me. So i can’t report it. Is this rape? 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this. We cannot imagine how scary and uncomfortable this situation must have been for you. It seems like this situation was overwhelming.  It seems like you are trying to figure out what qualifies as sexual assault. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
Any form of meetings or gatherings taking place? Just for like support?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE! Unfortunately, we are not gathering due to the pandemic. I suggest reaching out to other agencies to see if they may be offering those services. 
Is it ever OK for a boyfriend to say ”I’m going to molest you tonight”.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a rough time. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship Whatever you are feeling about the situation is okay. This can be a lot to process. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we would love to provide you with more in depth support on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
My girlfriend’s daughter came to us and told us that her father my gf soon to be ex husband was sexually abusing her since she was 6 and we went to the police in cottonwood az and reported it it occured well he though she was asleep the court ordered a no contact order for a year but now they say the won’t arrest him because there is no physical evidence the cops told us we could move out of state so we came to az well the no contact order was in place but they say they will lift the order and now she has to fight for custody and her daughter is terrified to see him and she has two other kids with him a3 year old girl and a 5 year old boy and we want to protect them from him butay be forced to let him see them and take them alone what can we do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you and your family are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the county where the abuse occurred and the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/ for support and additional information. 
How do I deal with my weird family life? My mother is an immigrant to America from a poor country in southeast Asia and my biological father was an American expat and child sex tourist in my mother’s country. He is now in jail for child molestation of nearly all of my 10 half-siblings, including sexually assaulting me as a child, and has not apologized at all and continues to deny everything, and will get out of jail next year. When I turned 6, my mother married an American man within a couple months of meeting him. This situation is very common in this southeast Asian country, especially in the specific city which is considered one of the epicenters of child sex tourism in Asia. It is very common of the local women to have sex with, get married to, and do anything the tourist wants– usually a middle-aged+ American man in exchange for money to live. So it makes complete sense that my mother moved to the city that is known for child sex tourism “for work” to have sex with American men for money, and thus becoming pregnant with me. Then deciding to marry an American man (who is not my biological father) for money and so many opportunities. It was never love. And I have trouble understanding my family. I live in an American suburb and I have achieved amazing things so far, but to distract myself from a dysfunctional family and extremely unconventional parents. The man my mother married is 70 years old now and has two children that are in their 50s, to a woman he got pregnant at 15 while he was 20. My mother now is 40. That is a 30 year gap. My life has a weird relationship with sexual assault, sexual abuse, and honestly I feel like it might’ve played a part in why I grew up to be lesbian with an astounding fear of men and lack of normal male figures in my life who aren’t pedophiles and haven’t sexually assaulted minors. There is nothing I can find on the internet about coping with families that come from child sex tourism and similar situations. How do I deal with this? What do I do? What resources should I read? Who do I talk to? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I can’t imagine how frustrating and overwhelming this must be. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, this situation is out of our scope. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

 

How can I get my roommate to stop abusing me under the influence of heroin as these men sexually assault her while she is high and they all have physically assaulted me and wont leave bc of warrants 

   

I can I stop the sexual assault of my roommate while under the influence of heroin and the domestic violence and the abuse I endure daily bc if it. She wont leave the house because of her warrants please help 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through that experience. I cannot imagine how painful that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. What happened to you can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you additional support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
I need some advice. This happened a few months ago. This boy I kind of like admitted that he liked me too. I panicked and said I liked him back, even though I wasn’t sure. He had me sit on his lap, kept kissing my cheek, cuddling me. He asked if I was okay, and I said yes, even though I wasn’t. I was very uncomfortable and I hated it. Is it sexual assault or what is it? And if I said yes even though I wanted to say no, does that mean I consented? I’m so confused.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this. We cannot imagine how scary and uncomfortable this situation must have been for you. It seems like this situation was overwhelming and it makes sense why you stated that you felt comfortable even though you were not. However you are feeling is okay and you are not to blame for what happened. It seems like you are trying to figure out what qualifies as sexual assault. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.  
Is it sexual assault if someone has intercourse without permission while the other person is in sleep paralysis?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are trying to figure out what qualifies as sexual assault. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.  
I was sexually assaulted by my father in law and my family is now homeless because of it can my husband stay with me if I find a shelter  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like there is a lot going on right now and you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. This must be extremely difficult and stressful. You did not deserve to be assaulted and it is not your fault. I’m sorry that you are dealing with homelessness on top of everything else that has happened and cannot imagine how much harder this must make everything. It looks like you are interested in shelter but are not sure if you would be able to stay with your husband. Each organization has their own set of protocols and rules while staying at their shelter. We encourage you to reach out to them and let them know about your situation so they could provide you with more support and information. We would love to offer you more support on our 24/7, anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952. 

I was molested several times by a supposed “friend” over the past few years, and now I go through phases of being disgusted by sex and having sexual fantasies of being raped and killed. Is this a response to trauma? 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a rough time. I cannot imagine how painful and exhausting it must have been to endure this for years. Whatever you are feeling about the situation is okay and you are not to blame for what happened to you. Everyone’s journey through trauma and in healing looks different. It is normal that you are experiencing these different phases. This can be a lot to process. We would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952.  
I am a victim of domestic violence I’m currently inside the home with my abuser and I’m not allowed to leave the house if I do he finds me no matter where I go. Every day I’m getting beat on and I have 2 daughters who watch it. I have money saved up to move into my own place but it will have to be outside of Philadelphia. Last time I moved into another place he found me and dragged me out and fractured my ribs black eyes busted lips stabbed and he put guns to my head and hits me wit guns I’m living in fear every day. Women against abuse shelters are full regular shelters are full. He keeps me away from family. My kids are scared to death of him. He beat me up if I leave the house he rapes me all the time I lost count how many. I had pof’s and restraining orders back and forth to court pressing charges it do not work he still find a way to hurt me physically and mentally. I’m so scared and I need help please someone. I just want my kids safe and I wanna live to see them grow up.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted, threatened with weapons, and held captive. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you and your kids to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kids. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
When someone in your family steals your underwear and masterbates with it…is that sexual assault?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this experience. You do not deserve to be treated this way. It is not okay, and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now, but whatever emotions you are experiencing they are normal and valid. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. What you are experiencing can be a lot to process, would love to provide you with more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
I was just discharged from an inpatient psychiatric care unit. I have an OP against my rapist and ex of 10 years. I found out he named himself my “relative” on my discharge papers. How did he get away with this? Is this a violation if the name he used does not match his legal name or AKA name? I am beyond startled, but also not one bit surprised. I am just beyond belief that everyone on this unit (and GENERAL HOSPITAL security too) knew how dangerous my particular situation was. The last names are the same. Why did nobody catch this? Or just let me know if they had any suspicion? I never once mentioned him…unless I was crying from fear. I don’t know how he could’ve found me. Apart from calling every mental facility in my region. Any tips will help my mind settle and help me habituate so I can behave like the actual healthy human being that I AM. Thank you all. Thanks for being fighters with me. We are not alone. We are so much smarter than them. We have love on our side.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that this has happened and cannot imagine how scary finding out that information must have been. You had an order of protection to keep you safe, so it makes sense why you would have all these questions. Whatever you are feeling is normal and valid. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
This is a long distance relationship) So my friend has a boyfriend and he just told me that his boyfriend is purposely not answering him to make him worry and they keep fighting and then he hold me the stuff his boyfriend is into and he said he likes gunplay, knife play, has a piss kink, beating kink, and has a r*pe fantasy. His boyfriend didn’t even believe in aftercare and safe words until my friends got him to. I’m trying to get him leave the relationship but he said that he can’t cause his boyfriend will k*ll h*ms*lf and I’m worried and Idk what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like your friend has been going through a lot. I cannot imagine how hurtful and frustrating that must be for their boyfriend to purposefully try to make them worry and threaten to take their own life. It makes sense why you are concerned for your friend and you have every right to be worried. Managing these types of relationships is difficult and it is no way your friend’s fault how their boyfriend is treating them. Although we cannot make decisions for our friends, we can remain supportive and understand that they know their relationship best. We would love to offer you and your friend more support on our 24/7 confidential and anonymous support line at (916) 920-2952. If your friend is concerned that their boyfriend will act on their thoughts of suicide, we recommend that they call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if it is an emergency. 
I think my boyfriend raped me but I’m not sure. He would convince me to have sex with him and perform oral sex on him even when I didn’t want to. I would tell him no but eventually I would feel like he would get mad or distant if I didn’t do what he asked. He had anger issues and although he never hit me I was scared it might come to that if I refused to have sex with him. Is this rape?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a difficult and confusing time. Although we are not able to define your experience, we can provide you with our definitions of sexual assault and rape. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. You do not deserve to be pressured into doing anything that you did not want to do, and it is no way your fault. This can be a lot to process, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
is some random guy grabbing your ass sexual assault or am i being over dramatic?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you had to go through this experience and cannot imagine how uncomfortable, scary, and infuriating that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated that way and you are in no way being over dramatic. Your feelings about the situation are normal and valid. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. The situation that transpired between you and this stranger would be considered sexual assault. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.    
So I met this guy a while back and we had sex, and I told him not to climax in me because I wasn’t on birth control and he said he did anyway, what do I do ? I don’t have money for plan b. I said no to climaxing in me and he still did. Can he get in trouble for that ?  Thank for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through this experience. It must have been extremely frustrating and scary that this person did not respect your boundaries, especially when you made those boundaries clear. You did not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. This person can be held accountable for their actions, as it falls into the category of sexual assault. Here at WEAVE, we define sexual assault as not only rape; but also, any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. This can be a lot to process, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line. The support line can be reached at (916) 920-2952 
My husband wanted to have sex, I was laying on my side and he reaches around yanking my thigh open. It hurt I screamed. I went to check my thigh crease and it’s red and bleeding. Hes acting like no big deal. It really hurt I cried. Is this abuse? He’s trying to downplay it. Said it’s my fault my thigh was stuck together. It wasn’t both my thighs, it is my crease  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through that experience. I cannot imagine how painful that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We also define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. What happened to you can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you additional support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
Is it normal for being objectified to feel like abuse? A guy touched me where I didn’t want to without consent. I have reported this and already called for counseling. But I keep having memories of him saying “i want to impregnate you soo bad” “look at all the space right here”(as he touched my belly), you have great looks to make a cute kid, nice eyes, nice lips” “now i really gotta do some math”(I told him I didn’t want kids past age 35). This was the first time we met in person and had only talked a couple of days before. He has 6 kids and had told me he wanted more with a partner but said he had a vasectomy. On top of the inappropriate touching, these things make me feel like i was used, like I was was a baby making machine. Hi, thank you for sharing your story with us. We are so sorry to hear about what you went through. No one deserves to go through this. It is absolutely normal to feel everything that you are currently feeling. It is a lot to go through. I understand that you only talked to him a couple of days prior to meeting him in person for the first time. This in no way justifies non-consensual acts. Consent is very important. We just want you to know that while what you are feeling is completely valid, you are not to blame and that nothing is your fault. This is a lot to process. We would love to further support you on our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952.
I was at the beach today and I pinched my dads nipple as a joke, and he then grabbed my boob and squeezed it on purpose. Is that sexual assault? Because I feel so violated. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services. I am sorry that you had to experience this and want to let you know that you have every right to feel the way you are feeling. It is normal to feel violated when someone touches us without consent. WEAVE defines sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. We would love to provide you with more support on our anonymous and confidential 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952.
My boyfriend was caught last week soliciting men on Craigslist. There is at least 300 e-mail. He is even soliciting men on dating sites who in there profiles state they are Positive STD with Herpes. He denies all of it. He knows I am not into men who are into men. I feel so violated and gross. Second does Weave offer any free std testing. Third can WEave legal help me try and file criminal charges against him for not disclosing he is bisexual and passing around STDs? Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE services. It sounds like you are going through a rough time. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to find out this information, especially so suddenly. It is normal that you are feeling the way you are feeling. Everyone one deserves honest communication and trust in their relationship. Unfortunately, WEAVE does not provide testing for sexually transmitted diseases and do not have the ability to provide legal support on this incident. However, we do have the ability to provide support, information, and other resources on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952.
Where do I go to file a grievance about WEAVE services?

As a result of the COVID 19 pandemic, WEAVE’s grievance process has been adapted to meet the Sacramento County health directive and any grievance or concern should be submitted via email. You may submit your concerns to info@weaveinc.org. Your email will be forwarded to the appropriate Chief Program Officer who will follow up to speak with you. Please ensure the email is sent from a secure account from which it is safe for a WEAVE employee to respond to.

I woke up to my boyfriend having pulled my panta down groping my butt and plesuring himself at the same time. Before I was asleep when he tried to grab me the same I had pushed him away telling him no. After I woke I pushed him away, crying and went home. Him and I are both 16. Is this not a big deal? What should I do? Was I just over reacting? Should I just forgive him and stay with him? Why do I feel like I am the one in the wrong in this situation? 

Hi there, thank you so much for sharing with us. However you are feeling right now is totally justified and normal and in no way overreacting. You are in absolutely no way to blame for what happened. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is a lot to go through and process. On our support line, which is 916-920-2952, we would love to support you further by proving you with further emotional support or providing you with resources you might need. Along with our support line as a source of support, there is the option of WEAVE individual counseling sessions which you can receive by attending one of our triage assessments. Triage assessments are held at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-2pm and on Wednesdays from 5-7pm. 

My guy woke me up early in the morning wanting sex. I was tired so I told him to leave me alone and go back to sleep. Next thing I know he pulled my panties off, put his penis in me. I told him to stop but he kept going until he had an orgasm. 

  

Hi, I’m so sorry this happened to you. No one deserves that. I’d like you know that nothing was your fault no matter what.  You must be going through a lot as that is a lot to process and no one deserves this. We would absolutely love to support you further on our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 where we can provide you emotional support and helpful resources. 

A long term friendship is falling apart because I feel undervalued. As I was trying to work through this I had a horrible realization and I don’t know what to make of it. Early on in our friendship, we went on a trip together she paid for, and at the hotel that night she made a joke about what people do in hotels, so I figured she was saying–like so many men have said to me in my past–that now I was supposed to pay. So I got really drunk and had sex with her. 

  

In the years in between we’ve had sex I was happy about, though that’s also years ago. I’m queer though was fairly inexperienced with women when I first met my friend. But now I’m kind of horrified: so, that first time….it kind of makes my stomach hurt to think of it. And I know I told her later I wasn’t a lesbian and I knew it was a half truth–I’m not a lesbian but I am pansexual– but it seemed better than saying I just didn’t want a relationship with her. I’ve regretted that lie for years and she’s been mean to me when I was involved with other women, throwing that back at me. This all sounds bad but honestly, we’ve had years of just being dear friends and I thought I’d gotten past that rough beginning, but now I’m feeling sick thinking….was that a kind of coercion? Was I assaulted? (I’ve been raped….several times, once pretty violently, by men, so when it’s “just” coercion, it never felt the same to me and now I’m wondering how I could have been so dumb not to see this). I’m feeling really bad and confused about all of this, and can’t ask anyone I know because I don’t want anyone to know who this is or how stupid I’ve been.) 

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That is a lot to process and your confusion is completely valid and normal. You have a right to feel however you are feeling and you absolutely do not deserve any of this. I just want you to know that while what you are feeling is completely valid,  you are not to blame and that nothing is your fault. This is a lot to process. We would love to further support you on our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. 
Back in September I went home with this guy after a party. We started hooking up, but it got to be late and I was tired and told him I wanted to go to bed. Throughout the night he fingered me multiple times and while I never explicitly said no, stop I made excuses as to why I didn’t want it and I really didn’t want to be fingered. I just kind of let it happen and pretended to have an orgasm because while I didn’t want to be fingered I knew he would stop and leave me alone for a while. Was I sexually assaulted?  Hey there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your questions. Situations such as the one you detailed are a form of sexual assault. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. No one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing sexual things you do not want to do. Just because you eventually let it happen because he would not leave you alone does not mean you consented to the act, he did not respect your wishes and that is not okay. It sounds to me like you are still struggling with processing what happened to you, which is very common and understandable, if you would like someone to speak to about what happened we do have counseling services here that you can utilize if you are in the Sacramento area. Reach our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 to get more information on starting counseling services, or if you would just like some emotional support.  

I went over to a friends house to hangout and we had a few drinks with other friends from work. Then later on i went outside to smoke and managed to meet a guy who lived by my friend. Im not sure if they know him

I remember i drove my truck over to go check out his classic mustang and i had plans to leave after that and he poured me a shot of jager and next thing i know lights out. 

I wasnt drunk, just nearly buzzed.. 

I woke up to my friend at the house he told me he only knew i was there because of my car outside the house. 

When i woke up because this guys brother woke me up i had to put my shirt and pants on and i was in this guys bed.. On the way out this guy was cowering and trying to avoid me as i left. I just felt very awkward as i am not gay. 

My friend was telling me how they had called the police and hospitals because they had no idea where i was at and they were worried

I have these flashbacks of what happened. Kind of like a out of body experience but super fuzzy…

I dont know what i should do or say or how 

Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE with your questions. I’m so sorry you are experiencing confusion over what happened to you. Ultimately it is up to you on what you should say or what you should do, it all depends on where you are at in processing what happened. It is something to be concerned about if you do not remember much of what happened that night, so you have every right to feel this way. I encourage you to call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 to speak with one of our advocates about your options and provide some emotional support.  

It was the middle of the night when then I was later fully awoken realizing that I was giving my boyfriend a handjob. This has happened a few times in the past where he would take my hand and I would already start to be jerking him off but I wasn’t fully awake to realize what was going on until sometime later. 

  

I have mentioned to him that he can’t wake me up in the middle of the night on a weekday but I told him it was okay for him to do so and only if I was being reciprocated. I didn’t think it was fair for him to be taking advantage of me while I was asleep and I wasn’t getting anything in return when I fully realize what was happening.

So then I woke up realizing that he was trying to get me to give him a hand job and he wanted me to do more to him which I refused. At that point I realized I was awake. Hoping that I was going to be reciprocated soon but he ended up finishing and that was the end of that. I regretted not stopping sooner and I felt like I was being used.  

Feeling uncomfortable I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I decided to talk to him about how I felt though he was apparently too tired to talk to me about it. He did say sorry but I didn’t think sorry was a good enough apology from what he has done to me. 

Is what has happened considered assault in any way? I need to know if what I’m doing is right or wrong or of we’re both in the wrong? 

Thank you for reaching out to  WEAVE for support on this matter. If a person touches you or makes you do something to them without your explicit consent it is considered a sexual assault. The way you feel right now is very normal due to the boundary your boyfriend has crossed. Due to the nature of the situation it is possible he does not know that what he did was inappropriate. I think talking to someone about your situation and processing what occurred can give you more clarity on the situation. You can access our counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays between 11-1pm or Wednesdays between 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. An advocate can also go over the services available to you and additional resources that may be beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for these additional services and/or emotional support. If you are not from the Sacramento area I suggest you still call our support line so we can guide you in the right direction. Most importantly, I want you to know that what occurred to you is not your fault nor are you wrong in this situation. I hope you are able to get the help you need.  

my adult daughter told me that my husband raped her when she was young. My husband swears it is not true. 

My daughter does create stories that are untrue or only partially true. The details about the rape have changed as she tells me about it. She does tell me I say things I never said. I am not sure what to do. I feel she may have some psychological problems. I am not sure who to believe and it is destroying our family relationships. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. Any time someone discloses any sexual assault that they have experienced, the first thing you want to do is to listen and believe. Validating her emotions and providing that safe place to talk about her experience is a great place to start. If you feel like your daughter is experiencing psychological problems, seeing a therapist is a good starting point  towards whatever healing your daughter might need. I am sorry that you are also experiencing distress over this situation as well. You can always utilize therapy as well; it can help with processing what’s going on and give more insight on what to do. You can also call our  Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. On our Information and Support Line she can also obtain further emotional support and additional counseling services around your area if you are not in Sacramento.
The man I was with for 11 years . 3 years ago we broke up and during our break up I asked her if he wanted to have sex it started out consensual then got ugly . he was saying I’m going to hurt you like you ! then he got off me watched me cry and he said that’s what you get ..was this rape ? We are now separated but this was a root of our break up years later because I held this in and got back with this monster [Edited for content]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. It is your story and your decision to tell your fiance. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952
This morning I woke up to my brother in law fingering me and pulling down my pants. When I stopped him he apologized. He stayed for a while trying to massage me and grab my ass and run my thighs. I kicked I’m out and then texted him later that day about how wrong it was and I felt violated. He made up a lie and said he was saying good bye and I pulled him into bed.y sister comes back in town this weekend and I feel like I need to tell her. I was caught off guard when that night he showed up at my apartment to say he was sorry and he loves his family and me and he didn’t mean to treat me that way. I feel like it was sincere. It sucks I feel like I’m going to mess there new family up my sister just had a baby. A few years back he said we kissed on a black out day I don’t remember this. I never mentioned that to my sister and I’m afraid that will blow over to if I ruin it for him. Any advice? I’ve been assisted when I was younger by mother’s boyfriend and I was blamed and ignored so I’m afraid my sister will do the same?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE for support. We are so sorry that this has happened to you. The more support you have the better. It is important to know that you are not alone and that it is completely normal to feel the way you are feeling. WEAVE offers a 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 where an advocate is available to offer support during this tough process. Ideally, it is up to you whether or not you want to disclose this information with your sister, law enforcement, or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps you need to process the situation a little more before you come to a decision on what to do. Have you ever considered Counseling services to help process some of the trauma from what has occurred? Our agency offers Counseling services that could be of great help to you throughout this process and if you are interested please reach out to us on our 24-hour Support and Information line. We are here for you.
I had a 16 year old sister and my boyfriend’s son was 26 he drugged and raped her and his dad hit it and didn’t tell the police. The sun is deadmau5 years can the father still be prosecuted Pinellas County Florida  Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced this; we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and your family. Unfortunately we cannot answer legal questions on our message boards. We are unable to provide legal advice, but you can contact one of our Support Line Advocates at 916.264.5471 and they can address any specific questions you may have regarding reporting, you may also contact the Sexual Assault Violence Hotline at 1-800-942-6906.

How to block people from calling my personal safety drone and asking for sex without my permission ? Its extremely important that i have a person to call when its an emergency to refuse calls on the drone because it can black you out

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

Should I report rape/aggravated sexual assault that occurred 10 years ago to the police, if I know the perpetrator and their whereabouts? It was in the context of an abusive relationship. From 2009-2016, I lived out-of-state to avoid the perp. I moved back home in 2016, and have since married and had a child. I’ve also since started therapy, but my therapist is supportive regardless. Was hoping to get the opinion of others – perhaps those who have experienced something similar.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that and we are here to support you in any way we can. We understand you are struggling with deciding whether you should report the sexual assault you experienced in the past from a past abusive partner. We can imagine how complex that is to process, and most likely incredibly triggering. We are so glad to hear that you are in a very different place, and have a supportive counselor. We understand that you are writing to get an opinion on what action you should take in pressing charges. As an agency, we heavily believe and follow empowerment-based practices directly affirming the survivor being the expert of the situation. In that sense, it is not our role to tell you what is best for you, only to help guide and support you with services and resources you feel would be best for you in your situation. Only you can truly know that. We would be happy to refer you to our legal team if you are wanting support in that manner. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

When I was 11, I gave oral sex to a 17 year old. It left me in a very bad mental state and only this year am I almost over it. Was it rape? Was I even old enough to understand what I was doing? I hurt myself thinking that I was disgusting for being persuaded into doing something so dirty. I didn’t know the years of pain that it would bring.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we want you to know how incredibly sorry we are about what happened and we want you to know that you are not alone. Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. What happened to you is not your fault. As a minor, you are unable to give consent to any sex act since you are under the age of 18, which we share with you to further explain how this was not your fault. We recognize how deep and challenging sexual trauma is, and we want make sure you get the support that you need. Self-harm is a normal coping skill for many survivors of trauma, especially sexual trauma since you went through an experience out of your control it is a way to regain control over your body. We would never speak ill or against your coping skills since they have helped you cope and survive but we want to support you in finding more coping skills to help process. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to speak with an advocate who can create a safe, confidential, non-judgmental space where you can get access to services and resources you feel would be helpful to you. We are here for you, we believe you, you are not alone.  
Should I tell my fiance that his brother tried to rape me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. It is your story and your decision to tell your fiance. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

So my friend was a victim of sexual assault close to a year ago. We recently went for
vacation to the beach and she had a breakdown one day because a man was following her while on the beach which I guess triggered memories from the assault?

This confused me because she would wear very short shorts (up to her butt cheek) and tops that revealed her bra when going out. Mind you, there’s absolutely no problem with that but it’s like she was purposely dressing to attract male attention. Well any attention at that.

We would also go to clubs and one night I noticed that when she saw me get approached by a guy to dance she immediately took a guy to dance with her. Then she told us (while laughing and shouting) that the guy tried to finger her. I was very confused how she didn’t get triggered by all that, but got a mental breakdown when that man from the beach started following her. She was also telling me at the club how a guy tried to grab her and tell her to grind with him but the story seemed very far fetched and made up.

I truly think that she makes up or exaggerates these stories to make herself feel like she’s being desired and getting male attention when she’s not. She especially does this when she sees that I’m getting attention and she isn’t and it just seems like she has to make up stuff to feel better about herself and make things be about her.

Does my friend have issues with self esteem and male attention? Or am I being too hard on her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate you wanting to engage with our agency regarding your feelings and appreciate your honesty. For individuals who have experienced sexual assault, they find that friends and family expect that they should be ready to move on with their life as soon as family/friends are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand sexual assault know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being assaulted affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people who are assaulted experience symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and, although symptoms do get better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the assault long after it happened. There is no time period or deadline when they should “get over it”. Healing from such a violation is a complicated and individual process. If you truly care for your friend you will support them even if you don’t understand their triggers because everyone’s triggers are different. People who have been sexually assaulted are allowed to be sexual creatures but also get triggered by people following them on beaches. We understand you have to hold your own personal boundaries in supporting your friend, but the number one barrier that survivors of sexual assault face are not being believed and supported. It might be beneficial if you spent some time researching sexual assault and trauma-informed ways to discuss this with your friend. If you need further support or want someone to discuss this with, please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My abusive ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend I just finally stood up to and said goodbye, but I’m scared he will. He has a sealed record for assault on someone and carries both a CCL and a gun plus I know he has old pictures of me and messages of mine that I do have a reasonable expectation of privacy regarding by law. I stayed friends with him after we broke up though I never realized how he was abusing me, and it got worse when I met someone. After I got married to that someone else, it worsened even more. Again I was oblivious to all of this, but I’m not now. Sometimes he would force himself on me sexually prior to our break up and he did physically assault me at least once that I can remember that wasn’t sexual in nature. What do I do? There are laws against spreading things with a reasonable expectation of privacy and against what some could be deemed non-consensual imagery. I’ve issued him a warning not to contact myself or my loved ones nor dare to harm or attempt to harm any of us in any manner otherwise I will pursue legal justice. Do I wait and him potentially wreak havoc on my life? Also how do I get out of this depression it’s spurred and how do I stop trying to find things through way of viewing social media and more? I’m absolutely devastated right now along with angry and scared. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want him back in my life. How do I stop fearing, ensure we’re protected, and truly move on from this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. Nobody deserves to go through what you have, and continue, to go through but we want you to know you are not alone and you have support here. It definitely sounds like you have a grasp on the legal aspects to your situation and just need some further guidance. We have an amazing team of Legal advocates and attorneys who could provide you further support for your situation if that is what you want. It is completely your choice whether or not you would like to take legal action, it is your right. If that is something you want and your case is through Sacramento County please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, safe number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern. They will return your call within a few business days. In regards to your feelings of depression, anger, these are all incredibly normal and part of the healing process. Healing is unfortunately not a linear journey, it twists and turns and one day you can be ten steps forwards and the next five steps back. Have you ever considered Counseling services to help process some of the trauma from what has occurred in the past relationship and its continued violence? Our agency offers Counseling services that could be of great help to you throughout this process. If you would like to learn more about our Counseling or any services we provide please call our 24/7 Support and Information number at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
I had to move out of my place cuz of a foreclosure, so A friend offered his place for me to stay. Please help me. I know my body and it feels like it’s been touched. I can’t prove it but when I’m asleep, he is touching me Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting this situation must be for you. We are so sorry that you are going through this experience. Sexual assault can be defined as any non-consensual sexual act committed by a spouse, partner, family member, acquaintance or stranger. Consent is very important and when you are asleep than it is impossible to give consent. You also stated that you cannot prove it but we also agree that you know your body best and must do what you feel is right for you and your body. We want you to know you are not alone and if you feel the need to speak with someone, we offer Counseling if that is something that would interest you.  Triage/counseling is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 12-2 pm and Wednesdays 5-7 pm at 1900 K Street. We would also like to provide you further support and connections to resources, so please call our 24/7 Support Line at (916) 920-2952
Hello, I am a 16 year old girl and my abusive ex-boyfriend raped me about a year ago and recorded sex without permission. I did not report it back then because I was being brainwashed by my abuser. I have now been able to separate from him and seek therapy and begin recovery. It makes me feel awful that he’s getting away with this however I’m afraid to contact the police. Advice? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we want to say that we are so sorry that this happened to you, and we want you to know that we believe you. You are not alone, and we are here to help you. We understand that you are feeling anxious regarding reporting this, and we would love to provide you some support surrounding that. We have Legal advocates who may be able to talk to you about what all your options are in regards to reporting and what exactly that would look like. Regardless, we would like to provide you further support and connection to resources, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Hello,,Our family just learned my 18 yr old niece was raped after being drugged. she is bruised all over also. She was studying in Florence Italy and wasn’t there 48 hr before this happened. Anyway….what should we have at home….I an an RN so I’m thinking maybe pads….will she be bleeding? Should she be placed on antibiotics as a prophylaxis against Syphilis and Gonorrhea. Anti viral for possible exposure to HIV? A rape kit was done in Florence. We are searching for rape counselors as well as our family going to therapy to learn how to help her. Also support groups…..anything. Her dad is on the way now to get her…..I would like to know what we should expect when she comes home. God Bless you for having this site!! we are sick…sad and lost. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your niece experienced that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been fo her, you and your family. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. You may experience a range of emotions because of the abuse – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
My boyfriend been disrespect me what can i do about it Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. And anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that’s sexual assault. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).

i overdosed on pills to commit suicide and i went to my boyfriend for help and i passed out. i awoke to him sexually assaulting me. can i press charges? It happened over a year ago but I have text messages where he admits it.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we want to start by saying we are so sorry that this happened to you. We can only imagine how upsetting it has been for you this past year and we want to say that we are so proud of you for your courage and bravery in reaching out for support. Yes, you can definitely press charges and having those text messages will be incredibly helpful in that process. We also want you to know that this is not something you have to go through alone. We have many services such as Counseling, Advocacy and Legal that could be helpful to you with this situation. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to speak further with a crisis counselor and get access to our services. You are not alone in this, we believe you and we are here for you every step of the way. 
Was I raped? Does it matter what it was? More than a year ago, I was with this guy. I’ve never been with anyone so he is my first in everything. I felt rushed with every action we made, from dating to making out to sex. I just did whatever I thought that will make him feel good since I like him and I wanted to make him happy. The first time we did something sexually, things just happened. There were no words said. He didn’t ask me what I want, I didn’t say that I was uncomfortable. Things went too far when he tried to go in me. I said no. I said no a few times, he said please but I still said no. He put on a condom just in case but I still said no. He tried to push himself in me. I was a virgin so it was a little hard and It hurts. I said no. I don’t know if he heard me but he didn’t stop. I didn’t push him away. I should have. I don’t know what I was thinking. I blame myself for not being adamant about it. I didn’t know what I want. Well, I knew I didn’t want him to not like me so I didn’t fight back. For years, I still don’t consider it rape. I didn’t say no more forcefully. I didn’t fight him. I said no but I knew even then that that’s not enough and I could have done more but I didn’t. I made a choice, a wrong one. But now I wonder whether that was actually some form of rape. I don’t know why I am asking this. I moved on. I don’t even think about it until now. Does it even matter what that was, rape or not? It’s done, I don’t see him, I don’t think about it. I just want to forget about it. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. What you experienced was a form of sexual assault. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
 

I met up with a guy I knew from college last night for late night drinks. He asked if he could crash at my place because it was nearby and he was too drunk to drive. I let him. He made a fuss about sleeping on the couch so I let him sleep in my bed and put up a pillow wall and told him not to touch me.

I woke up in the middle of the night to him inside me. I was paralyzed about what to do.. he finished thrusting and then pulled back up my pants and went to sleep.

I was exhausted and passed back out. He left in the morning and said goodbye as if everything was normal.

I didn’t say anything. Or do anything. Does that mean I’m ok with it? I don’t know how to feel or what to do.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced this; we can only imagine how confusing it must’ve been for you.  I want you to know that just because you did not say or do anything does not mean you are okay with it. Consent is very important, and if you are asleep/unconscious, it is impossible for you to give consent. It is also very normal for you not to know what you are feeling right now  and we want you to know if you need some support to process this WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952. Please don’t hesitate to call us, we are here for you. If you want to speak to someone in person we also have counseling services our walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

I have a boyfriend. He have a past with drugs he goes to jail for 5 years that was like 7 years ago. When I first started with him he was very evasive about telling me about his past. Then 3 or 4 month pass and he decided to tell me the truth. I was very impressed but he treats me well so I thought that everyone needs a second chance. He really smokes a lot and take medication for his condition ADHD. Most of the time he cant sleep. The thing is that recently when we were having sex I noticed that he had something in his hand I tried to look over and over and it was hes cellphone. He was recording us having sex. I get so mad that I just go home. Then he was texting me and telling me that please come back! You just over react! I was trying to discuss with him that that was wrong but he just said that was sorry that he missed me in the week and that he needs something to feel that I was there. I really lost my trust in him. He lies and he hide thing from me and he just do that. I feel like he violate my privacy and my option to say no. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. You may experience a range of emotions because of the abuse – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
 

I have an ex I wanna report I don’t want him to know and he’s very scary I’m 17 n he’s 46 what do I do I need help I messaged the hotline they are not accepting any messages I guess and I need help I wanna put him where he belongs back to prison. I had a rough situation he said if I work for him he’ll give me alot of money he’ll buy me things but then I got involved with him like love and he had me living with him every other day cause I didn’t live there permanently he would hit me when he thought I was staring at a guy he’ll hurt me until he’ll get my phone from me he made problems he would make fake accounts and say I did this and that and I didn’t . I wanna report him help

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we want you to know that we are here to help you, you are not alone, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not okay for this person to be hurting you and make you work for money. We are sorry that you weren’t able to connect with us by messaging but we would like to ask you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as it is safe for you to do so. Please call us so we can help you with this, you are not alone. We can help support you in whatever action you want to take against him. 

I have an ex who was sexually and physically and financially abusive. He grew up in gangs and has a family member in the dmv to track down people who don’t pay. I know hes had dropped assult charges. And I’m scared because he threatened my family when I left. He wouldn’t have to lift a finger even in jail. I’m not sure what to do because i would never be able to have an apartment job or car or get married and him not knowing and possibly hurting me. What am I supposed to know if I only know the guys nickname.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how scary this must be for you and we want you to know that we are here to support you. We have lots of services that could be helpful for you in this situation, such as Counseling, Legal, Advocacy & Accompaniment, Emergency Shelter, and many more, and if it’s not a service we offer than we will definitely have a resource for with within the community. Based on what you shared here, it is unclear what kind of support you are looking for specifically, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 so we can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources and connection to supportive services. 
I have pics of Me passed out and my ex doing things and its was blatantly obvious I was passed out and I dont remember anything. and the time was from two mos ago. I talked to the police about him choking me to the point of passing out during sex and they didn’t help. I just discovered the pictures and the cop said since there was no rape kit done at the Time he doubt it would go through. What do I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. What you experienced was a form of sexual assault. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I’m not sure if this is considered sexual assault but I still would like some advice. I am female, and my best friend (also female) is married. We’ve been friends for years (8) years. We drink and hang out, there were a few times when we were drinking that she comes on to me. I push her away and tell her no, she’s married and I don’t want that. She’s done it a few times. We sober up and all is forgotten. There were a few times that I drank and passed out. I was not aware that we had “sex” until a few days later when I remembered…. I asked her a few days later about and she said it was nothing. Is this just shame on my part? Is it considered sexual assault? Should I confront her about this? I haven’t had contact with her since this incident but it’s weighing heavy on me. I’ve told her time and time again that I did not want to have a relationship like that. But we were friends for so long that I just put the bad parts in the back of my mind. (Edited for length)

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. From what it sounds like, this would be considered sexual assault. You have every right to say no, and you did not consent to what this person did. I am so sorry to hear that you went through this, and if you would like to reach out for additional support please call our 24.7 support line at 916-920-2952.

My 16 year old daughter recently confess that she was sexually assaulted in one of the party that she attended 1 year ago. Should I share it to my husband even if my daughter said shes not ready yet. What is the best thing i can do to help my daughter.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you and your family are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. First and foremost, we want to say that we cannot imagine how upsetting it was to hear about what happened to your daughter, and we want to commend you on your bravery and courage today. You are being an amazing mother and advocate for your daughter, but that is a heavy burden to carry alone. Please be taking care of yourself through whatever self-care tactics work best for you. Second, we understand that your husband is your partner and support system, but at this moment it is important that the wishes of your daughter to share her story is on her terms, so her wish for that to not be shared yet must be respected. She has already been through an experience that is not her choice and out of her control, so what happens next must be in her control. The best thing you can do to help your daughter is to support her, listen to her, and validate her. Tell her you  believe her, and recognize that everyone heals and processes trauma on their own terms. There may be days where she is very upbeat and happy, and there may be days where she is very angry or sad. We would encourage you to educate yourself on sexual assault, specifically on Rape Trauma Syndrome under the “Get Informed” tab and click  ”Sexual Assault”. We have some very helpful and informative resources on there regarding sexual assault and what the survivor may be going through. We would also like to encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to speak to a crisis counselor regarding this, or get connected to supportive services such as Counseling for you and your daughter. We are here for you, you are not alone, and you are doing an amazing job supporting your daughter. 

My so called step father has sexually harassed me for years since my childhood. Due to the abuse, I developed a horrible and shameful addiction to porn. I’ve battled with stopping this nightmare for 4 years, and after about 1 month of abstinence, the demons kept coming back and I found myself googling porn again. But as I was in the act, my mother had caught my “step father” peeping through a view in my window outside. He saw everything, and likely enjoyed it for only God knows how long.. now I’m horrified, ashamed, disgusted with both myself for allowing this to happen, for setting my own trap, and with this monster who still tries to abuse me from the shadows. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know who to hate more, myself or the monster who ruined my childhood and continues to torment me to this day. I just want to know what to do at this point

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. Addiction is a serious illness, and it sounds like you have described developing an addiction to porn as a result of the trauma from the sexual harassment you experienced. At the root of the issue is your trauma, so we feel that it would be beneficial for you to perhaps pursue supportive services to help you process, cope, and develop strategies surrounding your trauma. Mental health is a lifelong process, and addiction cannot be cured at the snap of a finger. It takes support, and you don’t have to be alone in this. If you would like to hear about supportive resources in your community, please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I need help getting safe place I’m victim of rape and they have my fiancee as a secondary victim. We are on streets and attacker is in same town. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment. In order to fully assess your situation you need to contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. An advocate can speak with you and go over safety planning and information to our safe house and/or other resources.

Is it healthy to have a close relationship (talk everyday) with my older brother now that we are adults, even though he molested me and my younger sister?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that this happened to you, we can only imagine how confusing and upsetting this must be for you. We understand that based on what you shared here, you would feel conflicted about having positive communication and even more so, a positive relationship with your brother when in the past that relationship was unhealthy and abusive. We would like to ask, is this past trauma something you feel you have processed? Did you and your sister ever receive supportive resources surrounding the abuse, such as counseling? Did your brother? Was it something you healed from, either individually or as a family? You are your best advocate, and only you can know what is healthy or unhealthy within your life. We would love to provide you further support regarding these feeling you are having, and if you feel you have some more processing to do regarding this past trauma, we would like to get you connected to our Counseling services. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. It is okay if you do not feel okay having a relationship or talking to your brother. But it is also okay if you do. It all depends on where you are at in your healing process. 

We were sat in public with people all around us, he was a big guy in middle 50s a friend of the people i was with, not particunice but ok we were messing around pushing for space on the seat.. till he then starting reaching for my underwear I told not to but he carried on sliding his hand down, I grabbed his face trying to get off me.. [edited for content]… I started elbowing him in the gut to get off coz it hurt, he wouldn’t get off so I got up and pushed him down by the neck to try and get him off the next thing I know he’s got half of my hair in his fist and I’m being pushed into the sofa corner by my hair.. when other people then stepped in. We were intoxicated but I wouldn’t say drunk.. Is this sexual assault? Is it my fault? Do I need to report it? Did I make the situation worse? I don’t know what to do..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this happened to you and we want to do everything we can to help you through this. First, we want you to understand that this was NOT your fault, you are not to blame, and we believe you. According to the U.S Department of Justice, sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities such as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Now, we want you to also understand that whatever happens next is entirely in your control, and you have options. But it has to come from you and what you want to happen next because you are in control. There is no right or wrong next action or step. If you want to learn more about what options you have and get connected to our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 

I have been with my husband for 16 years. For at least 10 of the years he has repeatedly tried, and succeeded, to have sex with me while I am asleep. Over the years I think I have become used to it and that is why I dont fully wake up enough to verbally tell him to stop. In my head, I am saying stop over and over. In my head I am saying to leave me alone. Sometimes it hurts when he is trying to get his fingers or penis inside me and I’ll just keep saying stop in my head and that I just want to sleep. I do move away from him, slam my arms down etc in aggravation. I’ll pull the covers more tightly around me, try to pull my pants or undies back up, roll away from him… a lot of actions that would indicate that I am not interested in his actions towards me and that I am in distress or aggravated etc.,.. actions that should let him know that I am not wanting this interaction from him. Throughout all of this, I am sort of ‘in and out of it’ but never fully awake. I will remember bits and pieces in the morning or I’ll remember being so upset in my sleep, I’ll remember how it hurt and how I kept saying STOP over and over in my head…[edited for content]…It is confusing because sometimes when he is touching me on my back, it feels good, but then it is apparent that this is just a manipulation to get the end result of sexual satisfaction for himself. In my sleep I dont have the ability to fight back. I never wake up enough. I think I have been conditioned and basically groomed over the years and that’s why I don’t wake up. I have a lot of questions about all of this. It’s so hurtful and confusing and most of all it is scary because I dont know what this means about him. Is this rape? Sexual assault? Is he a predator? Should i worry about anything else?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, first and foremost we want to say how deeply sorry we are that you are experiencing this. We can only begin to fathom how upsetting, hurtful, and confusing this situation is for you. Next, WEAVE defines sexual assault as not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. Rape can occur when the offender and the victim have a preexisting relationship (sometimes called “date rape” “spousal rape” or “acquaintance rape”), or even when the offender is the victim’s spouse. It does not matter whether the offender is an ex-boyfriend or a complete stranger. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex in the past. If it is non-consensual this time, it is rape. Consent is very important, and if you are asleep/unconscious, it is impossible for you to give consent. We are sure that this is a lot of information to process, and we would like to support you in any way you need to help process this. We have a 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, that can get you connected to a crisis counselor, our services, and community resources. We would like to encourage you to reach out when you feel comfortable, and we feel that perhaps some Counseling could be helpful to you in understanding and getting support. We offering Counseling in both individual and group form. Please call to get connected. We are here for you. 

I was married for 30 years and had 2 children. During the marriage, I caught my husband sexually assaulting me while I slept. The first time we had borrowed a video recorder and he immediately wanted to tape us having sex. I told him no, under no circumstances, I wouldn’t want it to ever get into the wrong hands, and I didn’t ever want to see him use it for anything like that…[edited for content] The thing is, HE is the one I’m worried about! What do I do???? I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my daughter and grandchildren, but I would never forgive myself if I found out he abused them. HELP!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we cannot imagine how upsetting this situation must be for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. This is definitely a difficult situation for many reasons: we recognize you have your own personal history of experiences with him, and although you are separated you are still haunted by his actions. We want you to know that you are not alone and have lots of support here. We would like to encourage you to be honest with your daughter, because then at least you will know that you were honest with her and what she chooses to do with that information is on her. We understand that you don’t want to share everything with her, but if you have serious concerns about the welfare of her children we hope that she would be open and supportive. But, at the same time, what you choose to share and when it completely up to you and you should never feel pressured to share more than you want to. We have resources and services that we feel could be helpful to you in this situation, including Counseling and even Legal support (they could provide you with different perspectives on the issue). If you would like more information on these services or resources or would just like someone to talk to, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Where can I get help? I was assaulted in 2015 but didn’t seek counseling until 2017. I am on SSI and they want proof of my mental condition from 1 year before the attack!! I have no idea how this is possible & need guidance. Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Based on what you said this might be an issue related to Social Security (SS), and we encourage you to contact them directly with your question, you can contact them at their toll-free number at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778).  You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952.
I am a widow of 4 yrs now . Do I have any rights to life and safety. Because I’m homeless is it ok for people to hurt me Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However, we are not sure what you are asking. Being homeless doesn’t mean you don’t have any rights or that you no longer should be safe. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911. You can also talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
Was I sexually assaulted? I was in an emotional affair with a man. We had feelings for each other or so I thought anyway. When we met for the third time he bit me hard six times on both calves. I never said yes nor did he ask if I wanted this. When he was done he got up ran out and left me there.

Thank you for contacting us here at WEAVE. We are sorry this happened to you.We understand why you may be questioning if this is sexual assault or not. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as not only rape but also as ANY unwanted sexual activity.  WEAVE has a 24-hour Support and Information line with advocates standing by to offer emotional support. That number is 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free counseling sessions if you feel that you would like to sit down and talk through this with a counselor. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

               

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

               

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

               

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

               

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Best friend of 38 years. Has an abusive arsonist husband. she enables him to be nasty to her. I stay at her house during the day I’m on disability. Run errands for her when I can and her husband comes home. Annoys me 25 years. Talks about her behind her back. Gropes me cars to sexually assault me. Answers for hand jobs and blow jobs. Which does not happen any of it on my end I get very upset she knows about this. And tells me to ignore him. How does this even happened ignore him.? Beginning fights me and her about it she tells me to ignore and don’t waste your time. He actually jerks off I Leave the Room. She says he likes me. And just wishes he had me sometimes. Which is all a bunch of bullshit. He treats her like complete shit. And tried to treat me that way. I have nowhere to be doing the daytime since I’m not working anymore I had a stroke. And I live in a room which is not a place I want to be doing the daytime so I don’t know what to do anymore I’m in a very bad place she don’t think it’s abuse to me or to her anyone have any advice thank you so much.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you are experiencing this, we cannot imagine how upsetting this is for you. We define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. If you would like someone to talk this through with, WEAVE has a 24-hour Support and Information line with advocates standing by to offer emotional support. That number is 916-920-2952. We encourage you to work with someone when you are ready to process some of these emotions and trauma you have suffered over the years. Whatever you choose to do, you deserve to have a life free of abuse and you don’t need to continue doing what your friend’s husband asks of you. Please don’t hesitate to call us, we are here for you.

When I was younger I was alone with my best friend (we were 8) and a bunch of teen age boys. At a summer camp. All the adults were asleep and the one who was supposed to be watching us was asleep. We were playing truth and dare one of the (creepy) teenage boys dared me to sit on his lap. I did not knowing any better at such a young age, and he dared be 2 more times to do and I did it. He did the same with my friend. Was this sexual assault? Or was he just playing?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. It definitely sounds like you experienced some things that occurred without your consent that could have been traumatic for you. Talking to a counselor can be beneficial because sometimes it is much easier to talk about these things with someone who specializes in these types of trauma and can help you process, develop coping skills, and work through it. We want you to know, again, that you are not alone and we are here to help you. Please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you want to speak to a crisis counselor about your experiences; we can provide you with catered resources, connection to services, and any other support you may need.

I told my mum about how my 2 guy friends sexually assaulted me. She ended up speaking with their parents. Right now, I feel bad for affecting families that I cared for.
And my mother is super protective and won’t let me be out past 12am. I need space to think and breath, but it’s like I can’t be let go by anyone and I must stay frozen in this moment. I just need to know if I did the right thing.

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry you are going through this. What happened to you was not your fault, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for affecting those families. Those boys should be held accountable for their actions. If you would like someone to talk this through with, WEAVE has a 24-hour Support and Information line with advocates standing by to offer emotional support. That number is 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free counseling sessions if you feel that you would like to sit down and talk through this with a counselor. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

There’s a child predator trying to exploit my 15 year old son, I also have 2 daughters; 9 years old and 2 years old. This person has hacked into mobile network and internet and is exploiting children to hack internet as well, he has stalked my home and their grandfather’s home. I also believe he works at Eisenhower Health Center Rancho Mirage, CA. How can I keep someone on my mobile phone and Wi-Fi so they can catch him?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It can definitely be scary believing your children can be victims of a sexual predator. We recommend you to reach out to law enforcement and file a report as soon as possible. Also, you could check if he is a sexual predator in the Megan’s law website https://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/Disclaimer.aspx.

I began getting sexually abused around age four. It only lasted a short while at first but I lived many years of also physical and severe emotional abuse too. By the time I was a teenager I was regularly being terrorized and sexually assaulted, not normal stuff, in the control of certain adults. I was sexually exploited and just did what I was told to do. What I did to deal with the hurt was sometimes imagine I was someone else. It definitely happened, only I don’t know if that is normal, but my way of dealing with the hurt was to just pretend it was someone else getting victimized. I have today a really wild imagination and struggle to deal realistically with my life. I am wondering if it is very common for survivors to just live in a fantasy world? I am wondering if that is a sensible approach since the reality is too painful?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you experienced this. We can only imagine how confusing this must be for you. There is no right or wrong way to cope with what you went through. Every person reacts to trauma in many different ways. It sounds like you have experienced a lot of hurt and we would like to support you in any way that we can. WEAVE is based in Sacramento and can offer you free counseling. If you live in a different location we can connect you with an organization that may be able to provide you with resources and support. Please reach out to our 24/7 support and information line at 916.920.2952, if you would like to speak with an advocate for any additional information or if you just need someone to listen.

My one female friend got extremely drunk with no knowledge or intention. We took care of her and put her to rest. However, she remembers entering her own room and laying next to one male friend who was sleeping there. He was touching her underwear areas( as she remembers). Later another male friend and I came into the room . I fell asleep on the floor as the 2 boys laid by each side and she was in the middle. I awoke twice to hear her moaning, then took the action I could to get the one guy out of the room.

She has no memory of the night, only slight snippets.

Is this a sexual assault case?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. What your friend experienced sounds very scary; I know it is not easy navigate situations like this. Because your friend was intoxicated, there cannot be consent given, which would consider this sexual assault. First and foremost, we want you to know this is not your fault or your friends fault that this happened. Knowing this may lead to conflicting emotions, but we want you to know there are a few options for you and your friend moving forward. Even though law enforcement may not move forward with the case, your friend can choose to make a report. This will leave a record in case this happens to someone else and they report. Your friend can also come into WEAVE to work on their emotional and mental health and receive counseling. Whatever your friend chooses or doesn’t choose at this time is okay. We are so sorry that she went through this, and again want to reiterate that it is not your fault or your friends fault this happened. If you need additional information or would like to talk to an advocate who can provide emotional support and validation, please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952.

Hi, my husband is 30- something years older than I am and he has a need for control. I refuse to have a baby with him because I don’t want to have my child’s father pass away at a young age but my husband is very adamant about having a child and demands we have one now but not only do I not want children but If I did, I’m not ready for them. I’ve been very vocal about not wanting children but he still makes me pee on ovulation sticks every month and makes me have sex with him when I’m “surging”. If I don’t, he won’t give me money and he doesn’t keep any food in the house or give me money to buy groceries. My husband holds all the money and makes me ask for money as needed. He is wealthy and I come from a very poor family. I married him for financial security, he married me because he was too focused on his career to have a baby at an appropriate age so he needed a young wife that was capable of getting pregnant. Also because I am Jewish and he is as well. In the past, he has shown authority by pushing me down, blocking me from leaving, punching me and threatening to inflict pain on my cat. I’m afraid of what else he is capable of. What do I need to do? Please give me info on Nevada law against domestic violence [edited for length]. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry about everything you are going through with your husband. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento, California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We recommend you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

If a person who was sexually assaulted two or three months ago and the guy was in his fifties and the girl was 17 and still is 17 and there were two people in the room that heard it can she still report it in Iowa and the law actually do something about it?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced this horrific incident; we can only imagine how terrifying it must have been for you. You can definitely report this incident to your local law enforcement in Iowa and it would be up to them how they proceed after that. If you would like to talk to an advocate about this experience further or get connected to more resources, you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Does it get easier as a victim of sexual abuse after the perpetrator dies?

Dear Reader, Thank you for your question. There is no one set way to feel if a perpetrator passes away. It all depends on where the survivor is in their journey and the support that they have access to.  We would recommend the survivor try to process what they are feeling day by day and possible seek counseling or other coping skills to heal. We can do our best to help support the survivors if they are in our area. WEAVE offers individual and group counseling as well as free confidential support and information at 916-920-2952.

This has been bothering me a long time. when i was 12 ( Iam a young adult now) two boys from school showed up at my house when my mom wasnt home. I told them they couldnt come in but one put his foot in the door and wouldnt let me close it . he said he really had to use the bathroom and forced his way through the door.* i need to know if this was assault even though i know i should’ve fought him harder that it was my fault for not being able to stand up for myself more. I feel a guilt for being conflicted about it being my fault. was i assaulted or was i just too young and lost it to a jerk? *[edited for length]

 

Thank you for contacting us here at WEAVE. We are sorry this happened to you. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as not only rape but also as ANY unwanted sexual activity. Please do not feel guilty or conflicted, as this was not your choice. You were too young to give consent, and are not to blame for freezing up, as that is a natural reaction in situations like this. What happened to you was in no way your fault. WEAVE has a 24-hour Support and Information line with advocates standing by to offer emotional support. That number is 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free counseling sessions if you feel that you would like to sit down and talk through this with a counselor. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

My husband threatened to sell my car if I file for divorce. He wouldn’t let me work for 8 years so I don’t have any money. He keeps me on a very short leash. He’s extremely abusive. But he makes hood money but he said that he’d rather kill himself than to help me and his daughter. Can anyone help me.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with you question. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Weave has a range of services that may be able to provide support for you. Weave offers a variety of workshops such as; child custody, financial, and divorce. Weave also has a legal department if you have any specific legal questions or need legal assistance. You can contact them at 916.319.4944. It will be an automatic voicemail, make sure to leave a safe phone number that allows them to reach out to you. If you would like to speak with an advocate you can contact our 24/7 support and information line at 916.920.2952.

I remember that when I was young my brother used to make me do “things” with him and I could of stopped at any moment but I didn’t know better I was like 5 is it still consider some sort of sexual harassment

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry you experienced this as a young child sexual abuse is a very serious. It definitely is sexual harassment, which by definition is bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favors.  If this was happening have you had any counseling or support for what happened to you? Have you ever thought about reporting this? WEAVE offers free counseling services and these can be initiated by attending one the free triage sessions which take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-12pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for more support or even questions.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints conducts personal worthiness interviews of all active members over the age of eight years old.  Would it be considered sexual assault what I experienced in these church worthiness interviews? I never had to take off my clothes or perform any sex acts in these worthiness interviews [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We understand it might be very uncomfortable to be questioned about such intimate details, unfortunately these interviews are not considered  sexual assault. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as not only rape but also as any unwanted sexual activity, and as you have mentioned you never had to perform any sexual acts in the interviews. Please know that if these interviews make you feel very uncomfortable and they trigger you, you don’t have to answer and your feelings should be respected. It might be beneficial to seek counseling services, here at WEAVE we provide free counseling to survivors of sexual assault, as well as other services. Please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My nieces and nephews 12 of them were molested by their teenage uncle, he was 13 yrs old. The youngest of them was 4 yrs old. This crime was never reported, is was handled by the religion Jehovah Witnesses. This person raped and sodomized his victims. This happened 30 yrs ago the oldest victim was 7 yrs old . Can that person still be charged with something. Plz this is causing a division in the family. The person who did these horrible acts never had therapy or went into a place for help. He still around children as a adult man. I will not attend no family functions if he is present but there are other new family members with children who are not aware what he did when he was young. This is where the danger I think, I speak up to my family and these causes friction among the family help. One of his victims who has had years of therapy approach him told him”why did u abuse me” his answer was “it’s complicated, you don’t understand, I can’t get into” so to me he just didn’t own it. Also he coaches young boys football.

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. This is a very sensitive topic and we would be happy to offer any information or guidance that we can to guide you through your situation. Child sexual abuse is a very serious subject and we can only imagine how difficult this must have been for you all these years. We understand the sensitivity of the issue and why it’s causing turmoil in the family. You could still report it and he could face serious legal consequences especially if survivors came forward as well. We also understand that it may be frustrating to watch him not take ownership of the crimes. It’s important that your family provides support to the survivors. WEAVE offers free counseling for those who experienced a sexual assault. Let the survivors know they may also reach out to our support and information line for any questions or services they may want to access. You can reach us at 916.920.2952 24/7.

 

When I was 8 years old, I climbed into my step-dad’s bed because I had a nightmare. He made sexual advances on me… I didn’t know it was wrong until I was 10. When it all first started he told me that it was wrong and we should stop, and I was relieved because I wanted it to stop too, but I didn’t want to tell him straight out because my mom had been heartbroken by two men before, and later down the road we started having financial problems so it was more of a reason that he had to stay. So I let him do whatever he wanted with me… physically, emotionally… I faked being in love with him so that he would stay. He’s emotionally manipulating me and I know it. The way he talks to me, he makes me think that everything is alright but later I know it’s not. I’m also scared I might get pregnant. I don’t want to call the cops, because since I’m not a minor anymore he couldn’t be proven guilty, and besides I don’t want this to get out in public as well, I just want everything to end quietly. What should I do? [edited for content and length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. What you are going through sounds very traumatic and this sounds like this is a very intense and complicated situation. We understand this is a very difficult situation you are in and unfortunately we can’t tell you exactly what to do, only you know what’s best for you. We want to make sure you’re aware that any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay, what your step-father did was child sexual abuse since you were a minor and you can report it, even if you are now 18. We understand you want to have a life of your own and experience a relationship, and it might be hard with your step-father harassing you. We encourage you to work with a counselor when you are ready to process some of these emotions and trauma you have suffered over the years. Whatever you choose to do, you deserve to have a life free of abuse and you don’t need to continue doing what your step-father asks of you. Please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you, and we want to help you in any way we can.

Ima guy that was raped but it don’t seem like anyone wants to help me. I tried to report it and got laughed at they didn’t even want to take my statement what can I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you weren’t taken seriously when you tried to report and understand how traumatizing that can be. Here at WEAVE, we believe ALL survivors. Our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, has advocates standing by, to offer you support and services you may be interested in. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Couple years ago I went to a party and blacked out the next day I was really sore and this guy told me we had sex but I don’t remember any part of it. I’ve been telling myself the last couple of years that he didn’t rape me but I want to know the truth. If I don’t remember consenting or the sex did I get raped? I know this sounds pathetic but it’s been a question I haven’t been able to answer for years. I never planned on having sex with him before I blacked out.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. What you experienced sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body. Because you were intoxicated it is clear no consent was given to be touched in that fashion. Anytime someone has sexual contact with someone without their full consent it is an assault, especially if the person is incapacitated due to the use of a substance. Knowing this won’t take away the conflicting emotions you may have, so we’d like to go over a few options for you. You can choose to report to law enforcement, however they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report. You can choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

About a year go I participated in group sex with a guy I was seeing and a friend of his. I did give my consent to this. However during the act the friend was too rough. I kept telling him to be gentler and pushing against him because he pushing on me too harshly. He also was laying on my chest,face, and neck which made it hard for me to say stop or that it hurt me. And then later on he was touching me down there with his hand and poking at me. I kept telling him to stop and no and that I didn’t want to anymore but he continued until I finally left. I’m not sure if this counts because I originally consented and I didn’t stop him or say anything.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE , we are so sorry that you have experienced this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We understand this must be really confusing and we want you to know that you are not alone. We define sexual assault as not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, you have the right to change your mind at any time. If you would like help processing your experience you can call our 24-hour support line at 916.920.2952. If you are in the area we also offer in person counseling  and peer support

Was I sexually abused by someone 2 years older than me?

I don’t know, I have always shoved it out of my head when it came back up but Ive tried to get myself to face it, but I always tell myself im wrong. I was touched a lot by my sister who was 2 years older than me and she would kiss me and touch me in the bathtub and also showed me how to masturbate, and she’d show me pictures of people having sex too and I have no idea what is was. I pushed it out of my mind for so long that i don’t even know if I’ve “forgotten” other things. Ive noticed that i don’t remember a lot of things from when i was younger and I have an intense fear of kissing and actually blacked out when i got my first kiss from a guy. How do i deal with this? and is this considered sexual abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we want to do everything we can to support you. We want you to know that you are not alone, and whatever happened, you are not to blame. We define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. It definitely sounds like you experienced some things that occurred without your consent that were very traumatic for you. It is very normal to have gaps or loss of memory after experiencing trauma-it is your brain’s way of protecting you. It is important that if some of these memories are coming back and you are starting to realize that something happened that you have a very strong support system and are seeing a counselor. Talking to a counselor can be beneficial because while friends and family have the best of intentions, sometimes it is much easier to talk about these things with someone who specializes in these types of trauma and can help you process, develop coping skills, and work through it. We want you to know, again, that you are not alone and we are here to help you. Please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you want to speak to a crisis counselor about your experiences; we can provide you with catered resources, connection to services, and any other support you may need. 

It gets better. If you are having suicidal thoughts please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

​Message board posts indicating thoughts of suicide or with detailed content are not posted for the safety of the posting person and those who read the message boards for help. 

We know life can be overwhelming at times but it does get better. If you are considering suicide please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

WEAVE is a resource for those who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and are seeking support to ensure their safety and healing. The messages boards are intended as a place to ask questions anonymously and receive responses in two days. The message boards are not monitored 24/7 and we cannot provide an immediate response. 

When i was drinking and told these guys to come over to have sex, they know i would never do it sober bc they’ve asked and i’ve said no but they came anyway. i remember parts of it but it’s blurry. i feel like they’re in the wrong but i also don’t wanna say that bc i told them to come. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We understand this must be really confusing and we want you to know that you are not alone. We define sexual assault as not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. In regards to substance use and sexual activity, perpetrator’s cannot use alcohol and/or drugs as an excuse or an alibi. The key question is still: did you consent or not? Regardless of whether you were drunk or sober, if the sex was non-consensual, it is rape. If you were so drunk or drugged that you passed out and unable to consent, it was rape. Both people must be conscious and willing participants. We feel it may be beneficial for you to come and speak with a counselor regarding what you have experienced, because although trusted friends and family are helpful in discussing things, it could be helpful to talk to someone who is not only unbiased but somewhat outside of the situation who could help you. To learn more about those services please call our 24/7 Support Line. We want you to know that you have options, and if you want to discuss your feelings further about what happened to you we are available 24/7 at 916.920.2952. That is a safe, non-judgmental space where trained crisis counselor’s can assess your situation, provide you with support, connect to our services such as Counseling, Advocacy, Accompaniment, many more, and refer you to resources within the community. 

Hi, I recently got out of a very toxic relationship and I’m confused about what to do at this point for fear that my daughter may be affected by her father later in life… My ex, and the father of my 9 month old daughter, has sexually abused me, forced me to have sexual relationship with him against my will on several occasions including during my pregnancy and after my c section… He cheated as well on numerous occasions from the time we first got together up until I finally left him. He took his sexual frustration and aggression out on me then makes claims that I get physically violent with him, punching and slapping him, but I’ve never laid a hand on anyone in my life. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and I don’t want my daughter to have to deal with any type of abuse, especially not sexual abuse from her own flesh and blood. I have no physical evidence to back up my story, though and I have been raped before and my rapist is now behind bars… I don’t want it to seem like I’m lying but I know it will seem that way if I say it has happened a second time with a different person, especially the father of my child who I’m no longer with… I don’t want to lose my daughter but I especially have to keep her safe… What should I do?…

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. First, let us congratulate you for ending the cycle of violence and recognizing that you and your daughter don’t deserve that and do deserve a healthy, loving life without violence. Getting out of a domestic violence and/or sexual assault relationship can be very hard to maintain but it’s possible. The best way to keep your daughter safe is for you to seek out services that will benefit you in the long run. Have you considered counseling? You may experience a range of emotions because of it– WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault and domestic violence survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I have court my husband masturbating loudly in the middle of the night twice so loud it was scary and both times he was just a room away from our child . Iam starting to worrie the loud aggression in his masturbation is more than weired but pedaphile behavior i have ask my child if dad has ever touched or acted inappropriately but he said no what is your understanding of this behavior?

Thanks for reaching out to us! This is a sensitive topic and we would be happy to offer any information or guidance that we can to guide you through your situation.

Everyone has their own proclivities when it comes to human sexuality and this may merely be an expression of your husband’s. The only part that need be of any concern would be intention. If this is simply his personal, private (despite the volume) behavior that he’s had since puberty, then perhaps he hasn’t given much thought to the fact other people can hear him or that it may be awkward for them. If he intends for your child to hear, or that is part of what he needs in order to find release, that could definitely be problematic. As his wife, I would hope you have an open enough line of communication to discuss it with him seriously because he may not even be aware that his behavior is noticeable to anyone but himself. Pedophilia is a very serious subject and if that were the case, it should be dealt with seriously and immediately. Pedophilic behavior is a gigantic, very serious leap to make and it behooves you to do your due diligence before reaching that conclusion, as there could be very serious repercussions for yourself, your marriage and your family. 

There’s always an advocate on our confidential 24/7 Information and Support Line who would be more than happy to go over safety planning or any other issue that may arise for you, or even just to talk things out. Call us at (916)920-2952 for further information. 

What is the border between sexual assault and rape if nonconsensual oral is received is it assault or rape what about nonconsensual groping of a minor?

Hi! Thanks for reaching out to us, we’re always happy to answer any questions you may have because one of the most important steps to combatting sexual assault is awareness.

To answer your question, any unwanted, non-consensual action of a sexual nature is considered sexual assault and is often used as an umbrella term that covers all the different forms that sexual assault. No one has any right to invade your personal space without your expressed permission and you shouldn’t have to accept that under any circumstance – that’s what WEAVE, as an organization, strives to instill in all of us.

Rape is a more specific type of sexual assault that relates to a specific type of action and any non-consensual groping is sexual assault, but any sexual action towards a minor, particularly from an adult, is a serious situation that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

If you’d like to know more specific information about these topics, feel free to reach out to us on our 24/7 Information and Support Line. It’s totally confidential and we’re always there to answer any questions, provide resources or talk about anything that’s on your mind – don’t hesitate to reach out!

I’m a sexual assault survivor in th Sacramento area. I have found the talk-therapy hasn’t been helpful for me. I am looking for movement and art therapy services for sexual assault survivors. Do you have any recommendations of where I can locate services that are geared toward group movement/art therapy?

Thank you for providing a safe space for questions <3

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE as a resource. Some survivors have found 5Rhythms to be an effective and therapeutic movement group. Here are a couple of links where you can find more information about 5Rhythms and classes in Sacramento.

www.5rhythms.com

http://bodyjoy.net/

Women’s Wisdom has also been recommended to us as a resource where survivors can use art as a form of self-expression and processing.

http://womenswisdomart.org/

916-838-2981

Thank you again, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you need additional information or support.

Hope that helps!

Sometimes in life there are no more options. I am $354 overdrawn on my checking account. My children moved out. I don’t get paid until the first of July. I am a psychological mess. I have no support. No real friends. No real family. I visited Weave for help. I was referred to two agencies. One agency only had an answering machine. The other I emailed but got no response. I’m over it. I can’t blame you folks. You can only do so much. Same with me. Thank you for trying.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are truly sorry that you are feeling lost and alone but there are so many other people out there who are experiencing the same situation as you. Please know that we are here to help you in any capacity that we can and please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with.

Hello, my school has recently read a book about a girl who has been sexually assaulted. We have to get these questions answered for the project. 

What would you do to help someone who has been raped?
How would you lead them to recovery?
What should you do after you’ve been sexually assaulted?
What is the common motive sex offenders have?
How do you tell someone you’ve been raped?
How does your organization help make sure victims don’t fall into depression?
Thank you for your time.

The answers to these questions may vary depending on who is answering them (i.e. a friend, a parent, or a rape crisis center). We can provide how WEAVE can help and respond to someone who has been sexually assaulted. What would you do to help someone who has been raped? We would let the person know that we believe them and that they are not alone. We would also provide support and options for resources.

How would you lead them to recovery? The idea of recovery is a very personal journey. The journey of healing can look different for different people, and we would want to support someone in providing whatever they might need. We provide free counseling to help with that process. We can also provide legal assistance and advocacy, accompaniment and support for a sexual assault forensic exam, or just be a listening ear. 
What should you do after you’ve been sexually assaulted? There is no right or wrong way that someone may respond after being sexually assaulted. However, there are options available. Someone can report the assault to law enforcement, have a medical forensic exam, call WEAVE’s 24/7 Support & Information line to talk or discuss options, or even come to our office to meet with a counselor.
What is the common motive sex offenders have? Often times, perpetrators of sexual violence are seeking power and control. However, anyone can be a perpetrator of sexual assault and it is most common that someone is sexually assaulted by someone they know.
How do you tell someone you’ve been raped? You can tell someone you trust. WEAVE also has a 24/7 Support & Information line that anyone can call, which is confidential. We also have counselors available at our midtown office if someone is wanting to share their experience and seek support. Anyone age 13 or older can access our services without parental consent or notification. All of our services are free.
How does your organization help make sure victims don’t fall into depression? WEAVE provides support and resources, and counseling can help with symptoms that may result from the trauma. Sometimes depression or other symptoms may still arise, but we would help survivors work through that.

Please do not hesitate to reach out to us in our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you need support.

I was repeatedly abused and raped when I was 14/15 years old by my friend at the time who was 15/16. It started after we had sex together, I said I didn’t want anything to happen again and didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but things got very nasty and I was very controlled by him for months on end

I’m 21 now with a fiancé and a beautiful 14 month old, however the guy always sends me threatening messages and works in my local supermarket so I constantly see him still. Over the past two days he’s been sending me strings of messages threatening to hurt me. I’m too scared to go to the police, he knows where all my family live, knows everything about me, what car I drive etc and I know either him or his step-dad will do something to me if I tell anyone.

The pictures are of past abuse that he did to me, pictures he took of us having sex, pictures of my car in different places etc. I have a lot going on at the minute and have no idea who to turn to. If I tell anyone I’m scared he’ll do something. My partner isn’t even aware of what’s happening. I suffer from quite bad anxiety so struggle to open up to people as it is and wouldn’t even know how to approach nor how to handle telling the police about what happened in the past.

Please help, I’m so scared and don’t know how to stop this from happening.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE.  We are so sorry that you are experiencing this, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. It’s important for you to know that no one has the right to threaten you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. The person doing this can face extreme legal repercussions for it, but ultimately the best thing for you to do is to report those incidents of harassment to law enforcement, as it would provide documentation of his behavior and threats. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. We would also encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

What services do you provide to victims who have been in situations of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing? Do you have people who come out who know sign language? Do they understand Deaf culture? Or do you call out to interpreting services? 

I am writing a paper for my Deaf Studies class at Sacramento State. I am interested as a Hard of Hearing person there is already a break down in communication with that in mind a traumatic experience like domestic violence or sexual assault and deepens the issue. Many Deaf people have issues because there is not a lot of counselors or trained professionals who know ASL. Thus having to have interpreter the Deaf person loses that one on one connection with the counselor because they have to be focused on the counselor. Also, noting that if the counselor either talks to fast or uses terms that the interpreter may not understand the also weakens the communication bond. I am interested to know how your organization helps people who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing?
 

Thanks for your great question! All of our services and programs are available to survivors and community members who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing, and WEAVE is working to increase provision of services to survivors with access barriers, including Deaf and Hard of Hearing survivors. We have improved our staff and volunteer training opportunities related to serving survivors with disabilities, and have created an Access Advocate and Counselor position to focus on improving survivor access, providing training, and building community partnerships with agencies that serve people with access needs.  

For our counseling, residential, and advocacy programs, our best practice method is to have in-person sign language interpretation in the survivor’s preferred language for any service we provide to Deaf or Hard of Hearing survivors. We have contracts with accredited interpretation services for this purpose. Unfortunately, we don’t currently have any employees who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing or who are proficient in sign language. We have been working to develop a partnership with NorCal Services for Deaf and Hard of Hearing to provide culturally-based support to Deaf or Hard of Hearing survivors who access our services. NorCal has an awesome program called DeafSAFE in which they employ Deaf or Hard of Hearing advocates who are trained in providing support to survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and sex trafficking from the perspective of someone within the Deaf and Hard of Hearing community. 

Our Community Education program asks about accessibility needs for the audience when we do presentations in the community, and are happy to provide accommodations so that everyone has access to our information. We’re working on getting subtitled ASL video versions of many of our frequently used documents and informational handouts to put on our website or use during in-person meetings so that they will be available in the most accessible format for those who use ASL or prefer reading captions. We can also provide in-person interpretation services during our presentations if requested.

WEAVE hopes to continue to improve access to services and increase culturally-competent, trauma-informed, survivor-centered services available to all people living in Sacramento County. 

I don’t know what to call what happened to me… Back in 2008 I was a new student at a public school after attending a private catholic school all my life. It was very strange and scary. I was teased and physically hurt by the guys and isolated by everyone, they all bullied me for no reason. But the worst part was my last class, science. It was three students to a row and I got placed in the back with two other guys. One of the guys I’ll never forget had orange spiky hair and a menacing smile and he would always rub my legs reaching into my inner thighs and I kept saying no but he kept going at it, until he got what he wanted (touching my private area) . He once told me if I told anyone what he was doing he would kill me. The guy beside him laughed at me and didn’t care about what the other guy was doing. It happened daily every science class. Every time I came to school in the morning my heart dropped. I left middle of the semester because I couldn’t take it.. Is what that guy did to me, was it assault? or was he molesting me? Im scared to admit this to myself…

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced that in an academic setting, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that is considered to be sexual assault. You may choose to report those incidents to law enforcement and even if they may not move forward with the report, it would leave a record in case this happens to someone else and that person reports it. You can also choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone and we are here to support you however we can.

I stay with a I thought was a friend of mine and since I’ve been staying here and he is been asking me for sex and I don’t see him that away so he gets an attitude with me and I don’t want to have sex with him. I really need some help trying to find a place to go because Adam been threatened by this guy if I don’t have sex with him and every time he mentioned the world sex he calls me a nun.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your friend, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. It’s important for you to know that no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do and anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault.  Your friend can face extreme legal repercussions for it, but ultimately the best thing for you to do is to move out as soon as possible and/or to call 911 in case he gets worse. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.

Hi my daughter as of tomorrow has been missing for a year… I received an email today that she may have been held against her will All This Time by sex traffickers I need to be in contact with some organizations to prepare me because I don’t know what to do and what to offer her if we do find her can you please help me I don’t know what to do

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your concern. We understand that this is very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you to find resources and connect to organizations, as well get you connected to counseling services, not only for you, but or your daughter as well. To find out more about our counseling services, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

I was repeatedly abused and raped when I was 14/15 years old by my friend at the time who was 15/16. It started after we had sex together, I said I didn’t want anything to happen again and didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but things got very nasty and I was very controlled by him for months on end. I’m 21 now with a fiance and a beautiful 14 month old, however the guy always sends me threatening messages and works in my local supermarket so I constantly see him still. Over the past two days he’s been sending me strings of messages threatening to hurt me. I’m too scared to go to the police, he knows where all my family live, knows everything about me, what car I drive etc and I know either him or his step-dad will do something to me if I tell anyone. The pictures are of past abuse that he did to me, pictures he took of us having sex, pictures of my car in different places etc. I have a lot going on at the minute and have no idea who to turn to. If I tell anyone I’m scared he’ll do something. My partner isn’t even aware of what’s happening. I suffer from quite bad anxiety so struggle to open up to people as it is and wouldn’t even know how to approach nor how to handle telling the police about what happened in the past.

Please help, I’m so scared and don’t know how to stop this from happening.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced that with your friend, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. We understand you are scared of retaliation if you contact law enforcement, but you might need to if he continues to threaten you and harass you. However, if you do choose to report it to law enforcement they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report it. You can also file for a restraining order once you made a police report. You can also choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

Is it considered sexual assault if your uncle kept asking for a kiss on the cheek and you stupidly say ok so he can leave you alone and then kisses you on the lips without your permission (the kiss lasted about 5 seconds i wanted to throw up) and then comes back for more and you keep saying no, he finally leaves you alone…it hurts because i hadn’t been kissed and he stole that from me…and now i see him everywhere at family gathering and i try so hard to fight back the tears.

I am so sorry you had to go through that and that you have to continue seeing him at family gatherings. I can imagine that it brings back a lot of different emotions every time you are forced to see him around. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity, including forced kissing. Consent must be given any and every time that someone would like to have any sexual contact with someone. It was not okay that your uncle broke your trust by kissing your lips instead of your cheek. You are not alone in this and do not have to struggle with this pain alone. Please give us a call on our support line any time, day or night, at 916-920-2952. Everyone on the support line is a trained peer counselor and able to listen to what you need to talk about and also offer resources, like counseling, to you. Free triage assessments for counseling are offered at WEAVE at 1900 K Street in midtown Sacramento on Tuesdays from 12-2pm, Wednesday from 5-7pm, and Thursday from 12-2pm. You are not alone in this – we are here for you.

I am not sure how to be friends with someone. She was a rape victim. She had many abusive boyfriends. I know she is also a sex predator. I know because she did things to me. She invited me to her house. Her family was gone. She undressed and sexted her boyfriend. Her abusive boyfriend at the time liked watching lesbian sex. She had us do things together. I’d never done with her. I look on Megan’s List sometimes. I never find anyone who looks like her. It feels very confusing. She has mental health problems. I keep saying she didn’t mean it. She was not thinking right. I keep saying I need to find it in my heart to forgive her, maybe I shouldn’t measure our friendship by that one weekend. But then I get reminded of what she did. She gave me an std. Sometimes I can’t stop thinking about it. I have trouble sleeping and concentrating. She acts like what happened is what friends do. Some of my family no longer will talk to her. How do I fix everyone embarrasing me for what I did?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions. We are so sorry that you have experienced this, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that would be called sexual assault. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you trusted. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811.

As a child I lived in Southern California. At the age I was I had no concept of what and wasn’t okay for people to do to me. I was molested and raped by an older man more than once and taken to his apartment where he easily could’ve kept me had he wanted to. I am 17 now and still have not worked up the nerve to tell my parents about it. I cut myself around the ankles to distract from it and ever since I told my friend about it I have been reliving everything that happened and can’t stop throwing up. I just need somebody to talk to.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially since you are still being affected by it today.  It’s normal to find that a prolonged sexual abuse can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust, and possibly triggering emotions years later. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. You can also receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk-in triage appointments. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Triage Hours:

Tuesdays/Thursdays: 12:00pm-2:00pm

Wednesdays: 5:00pm-7:00pm

Spanish/English Triage: Thursdays 12:00pm-2:00pm

A few months ago I was drinking with a guy coworker at his house. I was recovering mentally and emotionally from a failed suicide attempt the month before and at that point i was self medicating by binge drinking nearly every weekend with this guy. This particular night his uncle joined us in the drinking and both of them kept daring me to take shots and I think my one of my drinks may have been spiked. The next thing I remember is being face down and penetrated but I was too drunk to even move or stop it. I woke up the next morning completely naked in a pee soaked bed next to my coworkers uncle. When I talked to my coworker the next day in order to get information about what happened that night he told me that I had been asking for it by even drinking in the first place and that I needed to stop acting like a victim and be accountable for my own actions. Although I realize that I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk I don’t believe I was in the right state to consent to sex, especially involving this 10+ years older man who I have voiced in the past that I am not interested in. I feel so much shame and guilt around the experience and am now having flashbacks and nightmares. I have filed a police report but I waited more than a month to come forward with my experience and now I fear it is too late to get justice as I have no evidence incriminating the man and both my coworker and his uncle deny that it happened in the first place. I ended up quitting my job as going in and seeing the guy who let me be raped while unconscious in the other room began giving me severe anxiety attacks. I haven’t told anyone other than the police, my parents, and a few close friends but I am unsure if I should notify the owners of the restaurant that we both worked at, where he still is currently employed. Part of me feels like I was set up to be raped by this guy and I don’t want him to be able to do this to any other girls that he befriends. Could telling his boss even do anything? Can you be terminated for things that took place outside of work if they are bad enough? I need to find my own little piece of justice and I feel like getting him fired from the job that he used to take advantage of me would do that, but I’m unsure if coming out with my story will do anything other than embarrass me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced this, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must’ve been for you. It may be beneficial to report him or speak to someone from management there or perhaps a supervisor, for you own peace of mind as well ensuring that he does not have the opportunity to harm anyone else. You may also find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process these emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.  The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. You are not alone in this. WEAVE is here for you.

There was an incident with my now husband of almost 15 years that occurred before we were married that always bothered me. I guess I am trying to understand it better. What happened was that my husband had picked me up after going out for a few drinks with his cousin and we were going to drive to his house, an hour away. I’m on the cautious side, so after seeing his driving, questioned if he had drank too much and asked him to pull over. Keep in mind, I am overly neurotic about that kind of stuff.

My now husband and I argued about it until he finally did pull over on the highway at parking lot by a McDonalds. At the time, I didn’t drive much, so couldn’t take over the driving. He then proceeded to take his pants and underwear off and put his feet up on the dashboard, basically exposing himself in protest to my ‘unreasonable’ demands and took a nap.

I was in my early twenties and he was ten years older than me. It being at night, on the highway, it never really sat right with me. Is that assault or was he just being a jerk? I guess I’m trying to understand that behavior. I’m trying to understand how it fits in with some of our current marital problems.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you during that time.  Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that would be called sexual assault. You may want to speak to him about it to make sure it never happens again and possibly encourage him to seek counseling. As for you, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process these emotions. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling

This may sound morbid to those who don’t understand. I want to die. I have wanted to die for a long time. I actually remember first wanting to die when I was around four years old. I made my first attempt at suicide when I was seven. Last night I was watching a movie called ‘Me Before You.’ It’s the story of a young man who becomes a paraplegic. With the support of his female caretaker and parents present, he eventually commits suicide. I feel I am just as disabled as the paraplegic portrayed in the movie I watched yesterday. The only difference is my permanent injuries are inside me not visible. My life is a long painful horror story. It’s filled with sad and painful tales of unbelievable violence, rapes, and worse. I know most Americans frown upon suicide. For me suicide actually feels like a wonderful soothing thing. I have dreamed of my death many times. My death would free me from deep log-lasting suffering and pain. I lived things most humans have no idea. Every day. Every night. I have massive PTSD. Nightmares. Flashbacks. Feelings of injustice and hurt that can never be corrected. My death would be a completely better place than what I am currently living. In Switzerland, for example, they allow people to medically take one’s own life if certain conditions are met. I meet all those conditions. Do you know of any charity, foundation, group, or individual who would help support me to end my suffering? Perhaps help get me to Switzerland or another country that accepts self-euthanasia?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced that in your past. We can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially since you are still being affected by it today. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged sexual abuse can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust, and possibly triggering emotions years later. It’s important to know that every person’s body reacts to trauma in many different ways. You might find beneficial contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also speak with an advocate by contacting our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811.

Why would someone feel like harming themselves when being intimate? Could it relate to being sexually assaulted?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Without knowing any further information, it may be best to speak with a WEAVE advocate. It’s important to know that every person’s body reacts to trauma in many different ways. If you would like to speak with a WEAVE advocate you can contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I was kidnapped and sometimes imprisoned, also terrorized and abused for years as a child and young person. I’ve come to accept my wants and desires will never return to my previous self. It took me many years to accept myself for who I really am today. For example, I don’t like to kiss. I actually hate kissing. I hate anyone doing oral sex on me. It’s like everything is jumbled up. I don’t like having my hand held or being touched unless in ways I allow. It makes me want to run whenever anyone touches me without my permission. Things I once enjoyed and should like are gone forever. I accept who I am now. It’s not going to change. Like my PTSD it’s hard wired into my brain. Even doctors have recently told me that. How does a person come out (sort of like LGBTQ people do) to tell people what I am? I don’t want to end up hurting or misleading others like I did in my last relationship. That person left me because I wouldn’t kiss, hug, or do certain sexual things. I prefer solo masturbation to couple sex. Is there a sexual definition for what I am? Is it very common? Where do I find other people like me?

Thank you for reaching out. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that prolonged abuse and trauma can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate.

The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12pm – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5pm– 7 pm

Thursdays: 12pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

So.. i been going to physical therapy due to car accident. And i get massage there too. I had my shoulder surgery and it wasnt getting better. I had one massage doctor because my pain is going to my chest area he need to massage around that area too. I was fine with that part because at first he was just massaging upper part. Time passes by his massage area got larger. He was massaging all my breast area. Today he was massaging my stomach too and his hand went down to my private part and started to touch it. I stopped him there but i am afraid to go back to therapy and i dont know what to do. I still have six month of therapy left.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experienced that with your therapist, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must’ve been for you. Have you considered reporting him or speaking to someone from management there or perhaps a supervisor? If you don’t want to do that you can request a new therapist or completely change company for another one that is covered under your health insurance. As for you, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process these emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

I am not sure if what happened was any form of assault but it didn’t sit right with me…. My boyfriend of 6 years and I had an argument a few days ago, things have been quite between us, then last night we went to bed without speaking to each other, I could tell he was jerking off while I was trying to sleep, I must have passed out and then a short time after I woke up to him pulling my pants down and flipping me over trying to penatrate me, I did not say anything but kept my legs closed, he flipped me into my stomach and penatrated me holding my arms down as he did, I just laid there, he has 160 pounds on me and I could not move, when I moved my arms he pushed down on them when he finished he rolled off me and I went to the bathroom, we did not speak again until this afternoon and it has not been brought up , I don’t know what to do or if I should even feel he did anything wrong.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. What you experienced was a form of sexual assault. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do, especially if you are being hold down against your will. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. If you decide to stay with him you may want to speak to him about it to make sure it never happens again and possibly encourage him to seek counseling. As for you, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process these emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

I have been trying to work through date rape that happened over 22 years ago when I was a freshman in high school. I thought I’d worked through most of it with my counselor and started having severe body and emotional but not visual flashbacks from that night indicating more may have happened. I feel like my brain is spinning and if I ever fully remember that night I won’t survive. I think he may have done oral sex on me and it something in my anus and the shame with that feels unbearable. Are these things common in vaginal rape? Why would he do that? Is it strange to wrestle with feeling like it’s not real and if I ignore it it just didn’t happen? Is it ok to ignore it. I am thankful for my counselor but I feel like I’m walking through this alone outside of counseling and a pastor at church.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced that as a teenager. We can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially since you are still being affected by it today. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. You are not alone in this. WEAVE is here for you.

My parents and a neighbor family planned for me up to marry a girl. She is my age. She is very beautiful, with blue eyes, very white skin, and very long dark hair. Our families go back many years as close friends. At first we kissed and held hands. We usually kept it private. One day I kissed her in a department store. She told her mother. Our mothers said we shouldn’t be kissing in public. It was very confusing. People at school didn’t even know we were supposed to marry some day. She started by having us undress in her bedroom. We took baths together. In some ways it was not really anything new. But then she was a female with a beautiful body. I went madly in love with her. It drove me crazy. She was all I could think about. It unraveled. I was angry at my parents for telling me how to love. It was difficult because they had found the girl I loved. Is anything that happened illegal? I sometimes wonder if I should talk to her about things we did before we broke up. I know she still loves me. Sometimes I wonder if we should be together. Would that be wrong?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are upset. Based on the information you shared it doesn’t seem that anything was illegal since it seems everything that happened was consensual between the two of you. However, if you would like to elaborate more on your question please feel free to resubmit another question or speak to an advocate at our 24 hour Support and Information Line 916-920-2952. 

My eye doctor told me studies show people in general are more attracted to people having large pupils and certain eye colors. She said I have a double winning eye combination. It started me wondering. I was sexually abused as a child by four different men. Each acted alone, each in different circumstances. Three of them raped me, one for months, another for years. The forth man just looked, touched, and stimulated and masturbated me. Two adult rapists I used to individually visit after I was raped on my own so I am definitely mentally screwy in the head. I thanked my many year serial rapist many times for making me feel sexually good. One rapist I still see and talk to. We pretend it never happened. I let the longest lasting serial rapist do with me whatever he wanted. Even sodomize me. I bought gifts for two of them. There is no normal sensible explanation why all these men went after me. I had to be signaling each of them somehow. I had a part in many ways. I read how the CDC reports rape victims are more than twice as likely to be raped again. Is there any research or information you know that shows how victims unknowingly contribute to their rapes? I keep thinking of all the encouragements and enticements I unknowingly gave them.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced that as a child. We can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially since you are still being affected by it today. I am not aware of any research or information like that but I do want you to know that what happened to you is not your fault. You did not do anything to bring about that kind of abuse. It’s important to know that every person’s body reacts to trauma in many different ways. Knowing this won’t take away the conflicting emotions you may have. You can choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. If you would like to speak with an advocate you can contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952, and also receive 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions at WEAVE. We are here for you.

I was sexually assaulted. It went for years. I find now I get trouble sexually feeling myself. I can’t climax lately. I get thinking of what happened. Today I was trying to climax. I was struggling. It should have happened. It built up. At the last moment my body was climaxing but without any pleasure sensation whatsoever. It was like things happened physically but the pleasure receptors didn’t respond. That’s been happening lately. My body is shut off. It’s lame being a sexual abuse victim. Now this too. I never heard of this before. Is it common in your experience?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced that in your past. We can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially since you are still being affected by it today. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged sexual abuse can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust, and possibly triggering emotions years later. It’s important to know that every person’s body reacts to trauma in many different ways. If you would like to speak with an advocate you can contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952, and also receive 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions at WEAVE. 

My wife her twin sister and myself had a few to many drinks over the weekend, I fell asleep downstairs, I woke up with my sister in law giving me a hug, I gave her one back and fell asleep. I eventually fell back asleep; when I woke later she was back again this time giving me oral sex. Honestly as I awoke I was enjoying it but as I came to my senses I pushed her off me again, at which point she said it was me that had played with her first, is this assault? She came around last night when I was alone and basically threatened to tell people what we/she had done and told me to stop being a soft lad and sleep with her when she wants [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that with your sister in law, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Because you both were intoxicated it is still clear no consent was given. While I’m glad she eventually stopped and left, she still went too far while she was with you. Anytime someone has sexual contact with someone without their full consent it is an assault, especially if the person is incapacitated due to the use of a substance. Knowing this won’t take away the conflicting emotions you may have. You can choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or she you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I’m so scared. My best friend and her husband moved across street. My husband works at night. My friends husband came into my room last night while I was asleep and pulled just my bottoms off licked me in my privates. Before he licked me he actually stuffed my panties in my mouth. I was afraid my girls would wake up so I didn’t even scream…What should I do and why would this man do this. What pleasure could licking me give him?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that with your neighbor, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. You may choose to report this incident. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action and it may seem scary, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident -WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

Hi, this is related way back to my childhood.. when I was I believe 5 or 6 years old. My older cousin used to take me in a room alone and grind behind me with his pants still on and without taking any of my clothes off. Is this still considered a sexual assault although it was without my consent, yet he didn’t take anybody’s clothes off or his own?!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that as a child. The law states that minors are unable to give consent, therefore it constitutes as sexual assault.  Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault.

Sexual assault and other forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

The other night I was cuddling with this guy that I had met a couple of times before. We were both pretty drunk and I just wanted to cuddle for warmth. For a lot of the night he was just holding me tight and kissing my neck and my back which actually felt nice, and I even turned around and gave him a quick kiss. As the night went on though, as I was trying to sleep, I felt him dry humping me, but I was so tired and didn’t say anything. Later, while I was half asleep I felt his actual penis on me and humping me (no penetration). I was so confused and uncomfortable but I was also tired and did not say a word. The weird part is even though I felt uncomfortable I just ended up kissing him more and just kept cuddling. He did attempt to put slip his hands down my pants and insert his penis, but I just kept moving his hand away, and eventually he got the idea I guess. I feel so confused and uncomfortable because I was kind of actually into this guy before, but now I can’t forget about this. I don’t want to say that he sexually assaulted me because the truth is that I didn’t actually say no or anything and may have given him mixed signals. I just can’t help imagine what would have happened if I did speak up and say no, and I wonder if he would’ve actually stopped. I feel guilty and angry at myself. I am also confused about the type of person that he is.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. What you experienced sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body. Because you both were intoxicated it is still clear no consent was given to be touched in that fashion, even if you verbally didn’t say it. While I’m glad he eventually stopped and left, he still went too far while he was with you. Anytime someone has sexual contact with someone without their full consent it is an assault, especially if the person is incapacitated due to the use of a substance. Knowing this won’t take away the conflicting emotions you may have, so we’d like to go over a few options for you. You can choose to report to law enforcement, however they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report. You can choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. You are still the powerful, complete, in control of your life person you were before this happened.

WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or she you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

How do You leave weave?

Additional comments:

Why Is the location provided on the question boards?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, however we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Hi Weave, I wrote recently very angry. Sorry I took it out on you when I know you are trying to help. Sorry I pester you. I know you are having to deal with people who beat up or even kill their partners and spouses, rape their own kids. I know you have your own battles to fight. I just have problems. I use this site as a sounding board sometimes. Please don’t post this. I’m just wanting to vent. It just never works speaking to people who don’t believe what I lived. I just have problems talking to people. I am too messed up. I called a suicide line a day before yesterday. I was asking questions. The lady said she couldn’t answer my questions, tell me who to ask, or help me. Like what’s the point of calling? I’ve been really thinking darkness lately. My problem is my younger daughter is disabled. I have been riding my bike everywhere I can. Last night for dinner we had pancakes because I am almost out of food. I am holding off eating so my children have food. Today is another fast day for me. I have no choice. At least it’s keeping me skinny. The many miles of cycling is making people think I am in great shape. If only they knew. Yesterday people from a church I once belonged stopped by. They are a cult. I am so mixed up I talked to them. A normal person would have said leave me the fuck alone. Now I am seriously debating about just going to their church again because I have to figure out something. Something is better than nothing. I am at a point I really will sleep with the enemy. Give blow jobs for five dollars. Do about anything. I don’t have resources like most people [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Boyfriend made me have sex after he beat me up

Additional comments:

Four months ago my boyfriend of 2.5 years beat me up and then wanted to make up by having sex, I didn’t want to and he forced me… I feel too sad remembering it and don’t get in the mood anymore I feel like prefer not having sex and just want to stay in bed all day, I’m very depressed and lost interest in doing things anymore.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. And anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity that’s sexual assault. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I am afraid of telling my therapist any more about my sexual assaults and other violence I experienced because they put what I reported in my medical records. Can I tell the therapist to keep it private and not tell anyone else and not put in my records? It wasn’t information where I was a danger to myself or others. Is there any way for people in California to have information in my medical records removed if I don’t want it mentioned? I regret now I ever went to a therapist and told them. I don’t want to have the noose of having been a sexual abuse victim to be used against me later, or to lose a job opportunity, or possibly be used by an insurance company to disqualify me later. 

Thank you for reaching out. If you are seeing a private therapist your medical records are private, confidential and protected, and no one has access to them, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court. Therefore, employment agencies and insurance companies have absolutely no access to your records. Sexual assault can be very traumatizing, even years after the events and it’s great that you are seeking counseling services. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, which are private and confidential. You can also talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I feel stupid. I call the Weave telephone number but keep hanging up before speaking to anyone. I was sexually abused by a man when I was a child. I never loved him. He was violent. He controlled me. Whenever we had sex I always dreamed of being in different places. I would imagine having sex with someone else. I created a totally fantasy life. Nothing was real sometimes. When I married someone else later I really struggled having sex. I couldn’t be there myself. I am divorced. I am ashamed and carry baggage still of abused sex with others. Too timid and afraid. I have no true friends. I get the feeling all the time my life is over. I will never be loved. I worry all the time no one would want me with my past. I have vowed to never tell anyone again because everyone I have ever told has broken their promises to me. I just want to stop my hurt. It’s not like I really want to die. Just stop the sadness and hurt. I don’t know what to do. People don’t get raped for years and become normal. Or do they find a way out? Is there anyone at Weave who I can talk about my most deepest sexual feelings and not be judged or condemned? Some of my abuse was my own doing. I really need someone I can talk honestly to without feeling ashamed for trying to deal with my problems. Is it okay to cry a lot if I call? Sometimes I am crying a lot. I am crying again right now. Sorry I am so screwed up and waste your time [edited for content].


 

Thank you for reaching out. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged sexually abusive relationship can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate.

The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

I’ll explain my situation first, so I went to my coworkers house, we’ve been sleeping with each other for months as he’s been blackmailing me with pictures he has & also texts that he’s threatening to send to my ex who I want to try & fix the relationship with. That break up was a messy one in itself & I had to get out quick as things turned violent so this other guy from work offered to let me stay with him which I did before I found myself my own place only a few weeks later. Things were intense very quickly & he’s never liked it when I’ve told him how I feel & that I can’t keep doing this as it’s killing me inside, he always makes out it’ll be the last time & he’ll be gone for good but says he loves me & how good we’d be if I ever gave us a real chance. Anyway, I went to his the other night & before I went I was enraged, we always argue obviously as neither of us are getting what we want, I felt bad & said fine I will stay with you tonight but I AM NOT doing anything even slightly sexual at all! We got back we had a few drinks, I broke down in tears for a lot of the evening telling him how horrific & depressed he’s been making me & I thought he’d listened. Anyway I’m epileptic & in certain situations where I get stressed I can have a seizure, this happened & it took a while for my mind to register what was happening, I started whimpering as the whole thing was just confusing as I still hadn’t properly come round, he continued when he could hear i was upset but when I finally asked him when he was on top from behind what he was doing, it was at that point he carried on but asked if I was ok. This is where I’m confused because he’s told me I said yes to a bit of ‘play time’ even though I don’t remember saying it or him asking in the first place.. 
He’s since apologised but said it was a misunderstanding and not rape, that it’s awful I could think he was capable of that. He keeps wanting to see me again to have ‘a nice day & night’ with him this weekend as he said yet again it would be the final time & he’ll leave me alone but I don’t think I want to be near him. I made it even more confusing though by giving into sex with him the morning after what happened as I just didn’t want to fight about it & thought it’d be easier. I just feel mentally drained & confused.. 
Was it rape or am I just overreacting? [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that with your coworker, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Anytime someone has sexual contact with someone without their full consent it is an assault, especially if the person is incapacitated due to the use of a substance or physical disability. Knowing this won’t take away the conflicting emotions you might be having, so we’d like to go over a few options for you. You can choose to report to law enforcement, however they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report it. You can choose to work on your own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or you may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever you choose, is OK. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or you can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

Okay so my roommate told me this– a guy she hung out with a couple times texted her to hang out at like 1am. She was drunk and told him she was sleepy and he responded saying that he was down to cuddle. She says okay and doesn’t respond to him when he sends her a text through snap. He shows up at the house and our roommate let him in and he walked upstairs surprising her. She was fine with it though and they went to bed in her room. She said that they were kissing and he was feeling her up with some dry hump and he casually tried to slip his hand down her pants. She told him no and rolled away saying she was sleepy. He asked her to come back to her which she did and he does the same thing. She tells him no again kind of laughing it off. It happens a couple more times. She had to physically remove his hand from her pants. At one point he tells her to lower her voice because she was saying no too loudly. She kind of felt uncomfortable but did really think about it (she was still kind of drunk– he was also drunk). He said it was too hot to sleep in her room and left. She says okay and walks him out and even kisses him bye. She then went up to the room and realized what happened was actually scary and she felt uncomfortable through it and started sobbing that’s when I heard her and she told me what happened. Would you consider this sexual assault or just an uncomfortable situation where both people were drunk? (edited for content). 

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. What your friend experienced sounds very scary and a definite violation to her body. Because they were both intoxicated and your friend said no multiple times, it is clear no consent was given to be touched in that fashion. While I’m glad he eventually stopped and left, he still went too far while he was with her. Anytime someone has sexual contact with someone without their full consent it is an assault, especially if the person is incapacitated due to the use of a substance. Knowing this won’t take away the conflicting emotions your friend may have, so we’d like to go over a few options for her. She can choose to report to law enforcement, however they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report. She can choose to work on her own emotional and mental health and receive counseling to work through those conflicting emotions or she may choose to do nothing at this time.  Whatever she chooses, is OK. She is still the powerful, complete, in control of her life person she was before this happened and she is very lucky to have you as a friend.

WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault survivors, or she (and you) can talk to an advocate that can provide emotional support and validation by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

Two years ago my mom was drunk and was taking off her skirt and dancing, hours later I was sitting on the couch and she was next to me and I remember her telling me to get her something and she put her hand on my private area and I got up to get her something and I felt her acrylic nail slide and touch me down there through my shorts. Her hand slid slowly and I’m not sure if she touched me there in a kind of sexual way because she did it slowly and I think her hand only slid because I got up. My mom was drunk so I know she doesn’t remember and it happened in like 5 seconds. That whole night she was acting crazy, and embarrassing dancing in her underwear in front of my whole family. I’m just here to ask if this is considered sexual assault. It happened two years ago on thanksgiving. My mom has never touched my in that type of way when she is sober, but every time I think about it, I remember the feeling of her acrylic nail touching my down there through my shorts, and it makes me shrivel up and feel uncomfortable. And I don’t really like when people touch me and my mom and brother call me dramatic but it just gets annoying, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, but I’m just unsure if this is assault or not. Thanks

Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your mother, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. While it’s unknown if it was a complete accident on her part or if it was intended to be sexual, it’s important to note that anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your consent it is an assault. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor or with an adult you trust about what you experienced in order to process these emotions. WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

Hello. I don’t really know how to put this. I am currently on holiday with my boyfriend of 3 years. Anyway last night we both got pretty drunk. We came up to the room and I fell straight to sleep. Next thing I know he is fingering me and performing oral sex on me. I couldn’t wake myself up enough to say stop but knew exactly what he was doing. He kept kissing me but obviously I didn’t kiss back. I don’t know what to do about this as he has never done anything like this before.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. The law states that someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot consent to sex so what you experienced was sexual assault. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

Almost four years ago, I was dating this guy, we were seniors in high school. Anyway, he was my second sexually partner and the second time we had sex I handed him a condom to use. Consenting to sex with a condom. We proceeded to have sex- but it felt different. After he came inside me I said wait why weren’t you using the condom. He had hid it under my pillow. He told me it didn’t matter because I was on the pill or whatever. I was really paused but eventually just let it blow over. However in the past year all this stuff has come out about stleathing(removing condoms during sex) they say it’s a form of sexual assault. Does what happened me count as stealthing? Was I sexually assaulted? Should I say something- it feels to late now?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. What you experienced was a form of sexual assault. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I have been with my abuser for 38 years Oct 1st. he started physically abusing me within months of meeting. He forced himself on me twice in the beginning. After I got pregnant he no longer wanted sex. I would have to initiate. He was also verbally abusive. In 2012, I asked if we could have sex, he looked totally disgusted, that was in the morning. But I forgot when we went to bed he said “get over here!” grabbed my arm. I told him no, thats okay! He pulled me towards him I panicked as I was trying to get away! I can’t remember what he did?? I blacked it out! Next, I rolled on my side crying telling myself, “I will never asked for sex from that man again!!” and I never did. Why can’t I leave him? Why can’t I remember what he did to me?? I went to therapist now I have PTSD. Why am I so afraid of him? The therapist says he is abusive I know that but still can’t comprehend it. I feel lost. We are glad you reached out for support and help. Many survivors of sexual assault block out memories of the assault. While talking with the therapist may feel like it made you feel worse, you may want to continue seeing the therapist to address the abuse. We know there are many barriers to leaving a violent relationship so it’s perfectly normal to feel as if you want out of the relationship but struggle to leave. You can contact our 24/7 Support Line anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You can receive free counseling from WEAVE. The Advocates on the Support Line can provide you with more information on accessing counseling, too. 
Why can’t I remember if my husband raped me? We were in bed, I had asked earlier AM if we could have sex, his face looked disgusted. I was hurt cried and then forgot about it. That night he grabbed me by the arm, I said No! that was all I remember. The next thing I knew I turned on my side crying telling myself I would never have sex with that man again. I was terrorized by him for almost a year after. that happened 2012. I sleep away from him and he agrees. I wrote him 2 times but he would not answer. I don’t know if he choked me out or raped me. I am trying to get an apartment I am 57 been with him since I was 19. He has been physically abusive, alcoholic, I have MS and since I can’t work he emotionally abuses me. Why am I having a hard time leaving and others tell me it doesn’t matter if he raped you. But it does I want to know what did he do to me! I don’t think I can heal until I know for sure. I told a therapist and dr. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression.

We are glad you reached out for support and help. Many survivors of sexual assault block out some or all of the attack – it’s a natural response to trauma. You may find it helpful to talk with an advocate who understands sexual assault and to consider counseling to address the abuse. You can contact our 24/7 Support Line anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You can receive free counseling from WEAVE. The Advocates on the Support Line can provide you with more information on accessing counseling, too. 

 

I was wondering is this qualifies as sexual assault. I was sleeping at my friends house on her couch downstairs and woke up to her roommate standing above me naked with his penis touching my head. I just acted like i was sleeping and he ran upstairs. Not sure whether to report this because there’s no proof or evidence.

What you experienced was sexual assault. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your consent it is an assault. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults you or someone else again. You may experience a range of emotions because of the assault – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.
Is this situation sexual assault? I was at a party and was texting with this guy. He wanted me to come over to his house and I said okay (we discussed it over text). I had hung out with him previously 2 times before, but I never had sex with him (just made out). At this party I was extremely drunk, to the point of being black out drunk. I remember walking to his house after the party (my friend dropped me off) and I remember drunkenly talking to him at his house. I remember him asking if I was a virgin, and I remember myself telling him that I wasn’t a virgin but that my first time was extremely painful. I think I was emotional and very drunk. I do remember being fully clothed. Then I woke up the next morning in his bed…my dress was on backwards and my underwear was on his floor. I don’t know exactly how to describe it, but my vagina felt very open and a little wet down there. Not necessarily in pain but definitely the sense that I was touched down there. I know that my memory is completely blank after my last memory of drunkenly talking about my virginity with him but the whole situation felt extremely icky. He walked me back to my house the next morning, but he later ghosted me that summer.  The law states that someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot consent to sex so what you experienced was sexual assault. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you trusted. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

My EX was raped by someone she knew. She confided in me and told me everything. She doesn’t understand that it wasn’t her fault. She says because she was drinking, it was her fault. She told me that she remembers pushing someone off of her but she didn’t have the strength. I feel horrible about this. How do I go about consoling her? Also, it makes me sad beyond no end. I feel it was partly my fault because of the whole Ex thing and she said she drank too much because she was sad. Just want to add a few things about myself because I’m a mess due to this. I am very protective of Women. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am having a huge problem with this. It pisses me off to no end because I know who the guy is and where he lives. Do you have anything for me to talk me out of this. I know its wrong and I won’t act. But I can’t get it out of my mind at all. I just don’t understand at all why these types of people exist in this world. I know this guy won’t be convicted because it’s been too long and there isn’t any evidence to support my Ex’s claim. She probably lied to me when she told me that she was going to go to the police just to calm me down.

WEAVE’s counseling services for survivors of sexual assault also extend to their significant others and you may qualify as a former partner. Please consider sharing our information with your former partner, as well. You can contact our 24/7 Support Line to talk with an Advocate about the best way to support your friend and seek support for yourself and the understandable anger and other emotions you are experiencing – 916.920.2952.
Hello, I am a 28 year woman who is recovering from sexual violence as well as a life involved in sex-work and trafficking. I was a sex worker from 17-22. One of my biggest hurdles in entering the job force, of which I have yet to do, is a lack of job history. I am embarrassed that I don’t have any job history applicable to any regular job, and what job I did have has a cashier at 18 is no longer and business. I also have an extreme lack of confidence in seeing myself as employable though I realize I need to contribute to my household as well as gain some independence. I have been through therapy for four years to deal with the aftermath but I do find myself stuck. Any insight in how I can be confident for interviews and how I can explain my lack of work history would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Recovering from sexual trauma takes time and you are taking the best steps for you. Please call our 24/7 Support Line about additional resources including counseling and case management assistance for survivors of sex trafficking – there are additional resources to help you. The number is 916.920.2952.
I am wondering if this qualifies as sexual assault or I guess I want clarity. I had a friend that I was sort of hooking up with (I never had actually sex with him because i was recovering from a previous sexual assault). One night, he came to my room kinda drunk and wanted to like cuddle…I told him that I didn’t want to do anything sexual that night. He said okay. Then as the night went on (we were watching Netflix) he started humping/thrusting his body over mine..I was clothed. Then I took my clothes off but I told him I didn’t want to continue (I know that’s confusing but i didn’t know exactly what to do). There was no penetration but he kept thrusting into my butt/rubbing my vagina with his penis against my wishes…he said he wanted to come. I stopped trying to stop him and he came on my back. The next morning he texted me sorry about what had happened. I feel really weird about that night and was hoping for an outside opinion. Understanding what is sexual assault can be confusing. What you described is sexual assault – someone touched  you in a sexual way after you told them you were not interested in sexual contact and they continued to despite you saying you did not want to engage and were not comfortable. You get to consent to the touching you want and are comfortable with and you can change your mind and the other person should stop. Considering this happened following another assault, it can be triggering to those past experiences, too. You may want to consider seeking counseling to process the emotions you are feeling. You can call our 24/7 Support Line at anytime to speak with an advocate – 916.920.2952 and they can provide you with more information about seeking free counseling at WEAVE.
My medical provider has me scheduled to see a psychiatrist. I have ptsd and get flashbacks from childhood abuse and other life traumas. My problem is other medical specialists have already said nothing medically can be done. I have already tried the FDA approved medicines. Instead of helping me, the drugs made my situation worse, even causing me to feel suicidal. I used to work with some psychiatrists and psychologists. I have a better than average understanding of how they generally think and work. I almost know I am going to be suggested some non-specified drug or formula. It’s 95 percent of what psychiatrists do when they don’t have a medical solution. Just hand out pills. Go to the next patient. When currently one out of six Americans is already on a psychotropic medicine, it’s illustrative of how overprescribed we are in America. Presently 60 percent of the U.S. population is on some kind of medication. I don’t want to get into a philosophical or other debate with this psychiatrist. How do I advocate for myself without coming across as defiant? I am very skeptical, where people with bipolar and schizophrenia can experience remarkable help from medication, but it hasn’t worked for me. I don’t want to live with drug side effects just adding more problems to my life and no improvement. Is there a book or literature or internet website I read for help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear about your past experience with medical providers. It sounds like you have already advocated for yourself, even just in reaching out for support here. Medication is certainly not right for everyone, and there are other ways to receive support that may be a better fit for you.
 

Have you had the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are local, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services in Sacramento, including free counseling services and free case management services. Our counselors are trauma informed and do not prescribe medication, so they are able to support you and help you in advocating for yourself in getting the support you deserve. 

If you are not local, we would encourage you to contact a local counselor. Resources for local services for sexual assault may be found at https://www.rainn.org/ or by calling their 24/7 support line at 1.800.656.HOPE.
 

We wish you success in finding the support your are looking for.  
THE PERSON (,a former bully) grabbed one of my breasts without asking. It happened during recreation. Almost the entire school (elementary) was present. We were all still very young. I was too shocked, dumbfounded to do something like slap him and too ashamed to tell the teachers. I felt humiliated. They pitied me, happy it wasn’t them. All i know is, i did NOT want it, it did NOT feel right and i CERTAINLY did NOT ask for it. To date, i’m blaming myself for having done NOTHING. I would appreciate it very much if you could tell me if that is sexual assault. What an awful experience that has obviously affected you. Anytime someone touches us in a sexual manner without our consent it is sexual assault and can be frightening and create a lot of emotions. You may want to speak with an advocate to process the emotions. Our 24/7 Support Line can be reached at 916.920.2952.
If you tell a guy that you don’t want to have sex with him and you ask him to please stop touching you but he doesn’t and then he pins you down and is literally humping you and you can feel his penis rubbing your vagina with your clothes on because you have on a skirt but he just keeps saying he is sorry but keeps humping until he orgasms. Is this assault? Yes. What you described is sexual assault. It is unwanted touching and sexual contact that you did NOT consent to. If you would like more information you can call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk to an advocate. We also offer free counseling for sexual assault survivors. Even if you don’t want to talk about it right away – please keep our information. We will be here when you are ready to talk.
My dad and his wife split a few years a go and we now only get to see my little brother about once a year. For this visit my little brother (9) gave me a peck on the lips. It was weird because we’ve never been a family who does that. However, I brushed it off as harmless and would let him give me pecks on the mouth. Then he started to repeatedly do it like one peck after the other. Again I brushed it off as nothing. But he seems really into it, he’ll stare into my eyes and it makes me uncomfortable. So I decided to tell him only kisses on the cheek now. Could this new behavior be a sign of sexual abuse? I don’t know if I’m over reacting. My dad said he’d report it but there’s nothing to go off of. Children experiment with differ types of affection as part of learning boundaries at different ages and showing affect through kisses is normal for a 9 year old boy. If your brother begins to display other behaviors that are not age appropriate for a 9 year old, your parents may want to talk with him about where he learned this behavior, etc. You also have every right to decide how anyone else shows affection towards you so telling your brother only kisses on the cheek is appropriate, too.

I was in a 7 year relationship with a man who began as an emotional and verbal abuser. Mostly, at the beginning there were good times, but he was always controlling about how I dressed, how much I drank, hanging out with my friends while he would go out anytime he pleased. Needless to say, for the first few years things were up and down and led to me drinking to just escape him. He is also an alcoholic. The first time he raped/sodmized me was after a night out. In the morning he said I had been bad and ridiculous and acting like a whore and he raped me. After that, every time I was bad, I was raped. He was also addicted to porn and started wanting to do things I did not want to do but I did for fear of him not loving me. After we bought a house together after 5 years of our relationship, I caught him sodomizing himself in the shower with an object and then found out this was something he had done to himself for years. I think he believed that since his secret was out that now he could make me do whatever horrible things sexually he wanted to do to me. He injured me and continued to belittle me, call me names, and control everything. I finally left after finding his emails to other women on dating sites. I have been living a sober and loving life with a blessing of a man for the past 3 years. I am involved in AA and I go to my regular psychologist, however, I really feel like I need to talk to people that understand these crazy feelings I still get and the flash backs out of nowhere and my inability to trust or treat my boyfriend like he deserves because I still feel broken. Also, I have terrible feelings of guilt because I did not press charges or tell anyone in my exes family so that he could maybe get help. I am truly concerned that another woman wil e subjected to what I was. I truly appreciate any advice/guidance.

The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged sexually abusive relationship can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
 

Child care is not provided. Please make other arrangements for care.

I live close to my brother who IS a pedophile who had sex with his own daughter. I know that, he knows that, his daughters know that, and every other family member knows that, even though he plead guilty to a lesser offense and only spent 10 years on the sex offenders list. Now his youngest daughter who he drugged and raped and had 2 boys by (she doesn’t know about that) also has 2 young girls (10 and 12) and she routinely brings them to his house for sleep-overs, swims, etc. My problem is, I’m not willing to be the one who has him locked up for life, but I cringe every time I think of what’s going on at his house, and his daughter is there at least 4 or 5 days a week with her young girls and her 2 boys who are actually her boys AND her half-brothers. What can I do to stop what is happening without being the “Judas” in the family and sending my brother to jail for the rest of his life?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is occurring within your family, we can only imagine the pain it brings you and we want to do everything we can to help. We understand you feel helpless, pulled between protecting the children but also protecting the family as a whole. We are proud of you for speaking out and breaking the silence, that takes tremendous courage and bravery. We have a few suggestions that may be helpful to you in this situation. You may call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to report you concerns, and we can file a CPS report on your behalf. Everyone who answers the Support Line is a mandated reporter so we would be required to report your concerns.CPS exists to make sure that children are in the safest situations possible, and so they could be helpful in this situation to have an outside force come in and assess their safety. You could also call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 800.422.4453 and report your concerns. These are just a few suggestions, please feel free to reach out for support, we are here for you. 

My BFF confessed to me that he assaulted his first girlfriend while she was asleep.And, we’re having a crush on each other. Should I be scared of him even with his claims of going through an asexual phase?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize that this must be very confusing and upsetting for you, and we understand why you would have some concerns about your safety. Based on the information you have provided, it is a little hard for us to give you a strict yes-or-no answer, but we would encourage you to explore the aspects of your possible relationship, if they would be healthy aspects or not. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship, and consent plays a role there, as well as trust. We feel it may be helpful to discuss your experiences and feelings in a safe environment where other people may have had similar experiences and may be able to provide you with some insight. We offer several forms of group and individual counseling, and the purpose of counseling is to help others gain coping and healing skills. If you would like more information about the Counseling services we do offer, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

 [EDITED POST] In the 1970’s I was repeatedly assaulted by a law/ enforcement officer. I believe he is connected to other crimes. Does Weave know of any way I can be assured to collect reward money? This man has made my life miserable and I have contemplated suicide.

We are very concerned about your well-being and contemplation of suicide. Please call the national suicide hotline for immediate support should these thoughts come back 1.800.273.8255. Having read your entire post, We hear your concerns that you will not be believed. Let it be known that none of what you experienced is your fault and you did not deserve what happened to you. We are limited in the amount of support we can provide online but please call our support and information line if you would like further support: 916.920.2952. Unfortunately, we can not assure any way of collecting reward money as our agency doesn’t handle such rewards. We truly hope you find the support and answers you seek.
Not a question but I have to vent. I’m 44 & went to BBQ @ a friends house with like around 20 people plus kids. I knew around half. We live in a small town so still know of the others. Adults drank including me, I got hammered & apparently passed out behind a car & was carried inside to a bed. I couldn’t move it was Tequila. I came around somewhat to a teenage boy I don’t remember, rubbing my vagina & sucking my breast. I still couldn’t move or talk, just roll slightly away. I think I fell unconscious again. It happened a few more times & once something was in my mouth-i think a finger. Then my friend XXXX caught him, I don’t know what he saw but he saw something cause I could hear him cussing the boy out & telling him not to go back in there. It happened again I could move this time, he tried to put my hand on his penis I took it away, asked for water & my phone. He gave me water, but I couldn’t even sit up or drink myself he had to hold my head up & give me the drink. I took it!! How sad, I took a drink from this little monster. I don’t remember if it happened again before my friend XXXX(BTW he’s gay) came back in & said he was going to lay with me to keep the boy off me. He said his name but I don’t remember but I know his mom. Then the freaking monster still came in there reached over XXXX& touched me!!!! XXXX grabbed him & told him to leave me alone. The boy tried to bargain a deal to have sex with me. I don’t know what all was done to my body while I was drunk. I feel like it’s my fault. I’m 44, was drunk ,& I couldn’t even make a freaking kid not hurt me. I finally could move a few hours later & drove home drunk in the middle of the night with one shoe on because I could finally move!! I don’t drive drunk so dont think that’s me. I just had to go I had to. I finally had some kind of control over my body & I wanted to get as far away as I could. I smelled the stink of the little monster on me, I wanted to burn my clothes. I washed them and showered. Been crying for hours & found this place to speak. I can’t tell anyone. I live in a small town in XXXXXXXX. I have a daughter & grandkids. Everybody knows everybody. I must just give off the scent of a victim. My life is puzzle put together with pain inflected at the hands of men usually violence now worse and not even a man- a man/child. Thank you for writing to WEAVE about your experience, you said you did not need a response to this message but we wanted to respond anyway to express our support to you. What you have been through is horrific, and we are so very sorry that this happened to you. There is no excuse for it. We want you to know that what happened to you is not your fault, regardless if you were intoxicated, your age, anything. You are not to blame for this, you are not alone. It is normal to feel any mix of emotions (shame, anger, sadness, etc) after experiencing something like what you did, and we want to stress that you do not have to be alone in this. Wherever you are, you have support. If you want to talk to someone about finding support and resources in your area, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have broken the silence, we are so proud of you. You are strong, you matter, you deserve goodness, we are here for you. 
should you tell your child about your abusive past if the abuser is out of jail and in the area you are in.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that you are wondering if you should share with your child about your past trauma, that is a very challenging situation to be in. Without knowing more details about the child, such as their age and involvement/ relationship to abuser, we feel your question would be best answered by one of our WEAVE Counselors. They might be able to work with your to discuss you feelings surrounding sharing with your child, and perhaps even how to handle that conversation when and if the time comes. If you would like to discuss this with a counselor, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about receiving Counseling services. 
My life since childhood has been filled with extreme violence. I was in an abusive relationship for many years. I am divorced now. I moved to a new city with my children to restart my life. Fear follows me. Two weeks ago, for example, I woke up one night to see in the darkness an intruder inside our apartment. I ran outside and called the police on my cell phone. The man was arrested still inside the apartment with my children. I wish I had a normal life. Months ago I joined a gym. A gym membership is the only luxury I spend for me and my children. I’m eating much healthier foods now. I have cut out almost all junk food. I gave up on some other unhealthy habits. I used to sleep all night with the television on. I don’t do that anymore. I started washing dishes after meals. I started doing laundry regularly. We keep our apartment clean and organized now. It is easier now because I don’t have items most families have. I lost weight. I am now at a healthy weight, the lowest weight I have been since I was in college. My doctor says I’m actually physically very healthy. But the truth is I really don’t live. I just survive. I go to work. I go home. My life is busy helping my children with homework and family activities. I don’t even have time anymore for television. I don’t get out like most divorced people. I was faithful when married. After my divorce I have never gone on a date. I don’t even really know how to date. At the library, because I have no internet at our apartment, I look at faces on dating web sites, read what people write, get terrified I don’t measure up, and log off the website. I just don’t have the self-esteem or money to even date. I am starting my life over from scratch. I have college degrees but I am poor. I currently have $10.82 in my checking account. My savings account has $1.02. Right now I have on hand $14 cash and some change. One day last week my entire food for the day was two bags of popcorn. The following day I ate only a can of vegetables and a banana a coworker provided me. I do have food but worry my children will not have any. I tell myself I need to lose some more pounds anyway. I have been attending an eating disorder group to get myself help. Today I rode my bicycle 28 miles because I told myself I needed the exercise. Really it is because I don’t have any gas left in my car. I live paycheck to paycheck. Last week I met with a psychologist provided by my health insurance. It was supposed to be a one hour meeting. I was with her for two and a half hours. The psychologist told me she wanted me to get all kinds of intensive help. I am overwhelmed as it is. I have an extremely stressful job. I can’t be gone from work all the hours she recommends to attend classes. I can’t even afford the copays. Yesterday my children asked me to take them to Disneyland. I can’t even afford to take them to a $4.00 movie. I feel like I am living on the edge all the time. Do you think what I’m living is normal, ordinary, and/or expected for people escaping a violent past? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how challenging this has all been for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. We commend you for your strength and courage through this terrifying situation, what you and your family have been through is not easy, but we are proud of you. It seems as though your living circumstances are incredibly challenging and your history with trauma certainly adds an additional layer to these everyday challenges. We are happy to hear that you have been talking to someone (such as attending an eating disorder support group and seeing a psychologist), hopefully you can continue to attend these type of sessions and discussing the challenges you are facing. Self-care is vital to your mental and emotional health, we encourage you to find things to do daily to bring yourself some peace and comfort, such as drawing, listening to music, going for a walk, even if it is just for 5-10 minutes. Practicing this not just in times of hardship will help your cope when challenges do come your way. We have many resources that may be of help to you, so please call us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a trained crisis counselor who can assess your situation individually and help refer you to programs and resources within the community that could help ease some of the challenges you are facing. We are here to support you, you are not alone in this. 
One of my family members came into my room and was drugged up, he kept asking sexual questions like “when you had sex did you it” “when was the last time” stuff like that then he asked if I want to see his penis. I know worse things happen to other people than this but is it wrong for me to feel sexually violated? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that this happened to you. It must have been very upsetting, and we want to do everything we can to help you. It is never ok for someone to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, like discussing sexual things with you, asking you sexual questions, or trying to show you their genitalia. There is no right or wrong way to respond to something like that, any response you have is correct. It is not ok for your family member to talk to you that way, do you have any other family member you feel comfortable discussing this incident with? Or perhaps a friend, or trusted adult? It may be helpful to discuss your feelings and experiences with someone who is a form of support to you. If you would like to talk to someone about what happened, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone in this, we are here to help you. 
Hi, my son is best friends with a young lady I’ve known for many years. She’s been in an abusive relationship for a long time now, and after the boyfriend raped her a few weeks ago, she did finally leave. My son informed me over the weekend that she’d been sleeping in a field for the last five days since she left. She has no family who cares for her, no money and no job. She told my son she wanted to kill herself. 
I provided my son with your support number with the hopes that she would reach out to you. I’m so worried she will hurt herself.. And I’m not sure where else to turn to help her gain safe shelter – even if it’s temporary.

Then this morning, my son called to tell me that the boyfriend was in a fatal car accident last nite, and that she has been sleeping in cars for the last four nights. I’ve reached out to her via text and am hoping I will hear back.

I am very worried about her – is there any support you can give her? She is so fragile and after all of the abuse, I know that she needs counseling and guidance to help her get back on her feet. 

I am a worried parent who cares about this girl – she is 21, but she’s been on her own for many years now. 

Please let me know if you think you can help her and I will ask her to reach out to you.
Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we appreciate you reaching out and being such a strong advocate for this young lady. We have many services that would be helpful to her, and giving her our Support Line number would be the first step in helping her. Some services we offer include: Counseling for survivors of violence such as Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (both group and individual), Legal Advocacy and Workshops, Accompaniment Services (Court, Law Enforcement Interviews, etc), and a Safe Shelter Program. We feel many of these services would be helpful to the circumstances described, and we want to do everything we can to help her. Please give her our Support Line number, 916.920.2952, and trained crisis counselors will assess her situation individually and do everything they can to provide her with referrals, support, and connect her to services to get her in a safe, supportive environment. 
Should I report to the police or to my school? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Without more information about what you are wanting to report, it is hard for us to give you a clear answer, but we can assure you that whatever decision you make we will fully support you. If you have experienced something that was upsetting, traumatic, or out of your control, it is important that you feel what happens next is entirely in your control, and that whatever decision you make comes from you and only you. Reporting to your school or law enforcement would be helpful to you, but you can also do both if you would like. Please, know that you are not alone in this. We want to help you, and if you ever want to talk to someone about what you are going through or if you have more question, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

This family I know lives in this historic gold mining town. Their mother is my mom’s best friend. I’ve known this family since I was a baby. In summers, weekends, and school holidays my mom regularly had me stay with them. Because I am the same age as two of her sons we three would go play basketball or explore in the woods. We’d fish or put on our riding gear and helmets and race our off road motorcycles and mountain bikes. We would go to the theater, walk around town, play in the parks, or do something. Because the three of us grew up together we often saw each other naked. We started skinnydipping as early as I can remember. Our parents and people would take all of us children to a river or lake and said take off your clothes and jump in. When I got older the brothers and I would often on hot days go skinnydip and sunbathe nude by ourselves. This one time when I was 16 we three were at this local river. The brothers took their clothes off and went swimming. I stayed on the shore to suntan with this other girl I met. This girl acted unusual. She was constantly trying to position, rub, touch, oil, and kiss me. We did some kissing and more personal things. I think it was a trick for her or others to film or photograph us naked having sex. I finally realized it when she kept moving her three daypacks because they probably had cameras and sound recorders in them. Another time I was tanning and had this uncomfortable feeling like I was being watched. I put my swim shorts on. When the boys returned they thought they’d be funny. One grabbed my hands and the other pulled off my swim pants. Being forced to be naked I really lost it. I cried really emotionally. The brothers apologized and handed me back my swim shorts. I’ve noticed in the past couple of weeks with the warming weather I’ve been really emotional and traumatized feeling. I think it has to do with knowing that soon hot summer days will be here when I often skinnydipped and sunbathed nude. There was this time I was at the river when these older guys went up to this teenage girl my age. They pulled off her bikini top and tried to pull off her bottoms. A group fight almost started because some other boys told the guys to give back her top and leave her alone. Guys were cheering to see her assaulted. Another time I was at this other swim place. There were a lot of teenagers smoking tobacco, marijuana, and drinking alcohol. There was this really pretty girl my age swimming. Some boys said she couldn’t swim there unless she was naked. She ignored the boys and kept swimming. Three boys dived in to the water to undress her. Luckily she swam to the other side and climbed out before they got her. When I was young skinnydipping and sunbathing nude seemed so easygoing, natural, and innocent. Now I feel worried and terrified about it. There are perverts and rapists and people with drones and cameras. Places we went before now have people hiding in the woods waiting with telephoto lens cameras to take pictures. It’s just not safe anymore to risk taking off clothes outside. I’ve experienced it. People will even undress or try to undress you. I remember many times on the river when men and even some women would offer me free alcohol and drugs so they could basically get a chance to take nude pictures or rape me. It’s very scary. Why any teen or other person would even risk taking even a drink of liquor or a hit on a pipe is beyond me anymore. I’m feeling really terrified. I know this summer innocent teens will end up raped and hurt trying to swim and sunbathe naked like I once foolishly did. What should I do to ease my anxiety? I feel like teens don’t know like I do because I never read, see, or hear anything about this public nudity violence and abuse that happens. I didn’t even sleep all night because I’m worrying about it.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you concerns, we recognize how traumatizing these incidents must have been for you and we are so sorry that this happened to you. It is never ok for someone to make you do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, or to do anything without your permission, like take pictures of you or take your swim shorts off. The feelings you describe still experiencing are very common with cases of sexual assault, where someone feels violated and anxious about being in situations similar to the one’s where they experienced the trauma. So feeling anxious about the weather changing and possibly going swimming, etc, is very normal and you shouldn’t feel like there is anything wrong with you for feeling the way you do. There are many things you can do to help with your anxieties and any possible residual trauma you may be experiencing. Practicing self-care through moments of anxiety but also every day life is very important. Find activities that relax you, make you feel comfortable, happy, safe, secure and relaxed are vital. Some activities could be: drawing, dancing, writing, singing, taking walks or bike rides, those are just a few examples. Rely upon your support system in times of hardship, find a friend you feel comfortable with and share your feelings with them. What may also be helpful would be getting connected with Counseling resources within your community. Counseling, either in a group or individual environment, can be very helpful in learning coping and healing skills. If you would like some help in accessing Counseling resources within your community please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I cannot afford to move away from the abuse where he cannot find me. Are there temporary rentals until I save up enough money to move into and where I want to go?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we understand how scary and realistically challenging it can be to escape abuse and we are so proud of your courage and bravery in this situation. It is not easy to leave an abusive partner, and recognizing that this is no longer a relationship safe for you to be in is one of the hardest things to do, it takes a very strong person. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. In regards to your question about temporary housing, there are lots of options for people trying to escape domestic violence within the community. There are safe shelter programs, temporary housing, transitional housing, low-cost housing, many options. If you would like to explore some of these options further with a trained crisis counselor, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My 6 year old son was raped by my nephew a year ago. I did file a report with the police department, took him to the child advocacy center, and social services was involved from the start. My problem is, I have heard nothing since June of 2016. The rap happened in May of 2016. I am a single mother of 3 kids and on ssi due to an illness i was born with. I want to know what i should do to find out what is going on with the case?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that that happened to you son, we can only imagine the impact this has had on your family and we want to do everything we can to help. It must be incredibly upsetting to not have had any updates on the case. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates, who can answer questions inside their practicing cope of Sacramento County. Please call 916.319.4944 to leave a voicemail with our legal advocates and they will return your call within two business days. When you leave a message, please leave your name, a safe number for us to call you back at and identify ourselves as calling from WEAVE, and be aware that we will return your call on a Blocked or Unknown number due to safety. 
When I was 14, a freshman in high school, I dated a boy who was a junior and 2 years older than me. About a month into the relationship he started to get sexual with me. One night we were sitting on the couch watching a movie when he stuck his hands down my pants. I didn’t tell him no but I remember as he put his fingers inside of me I went numb. I stared blankly at the wall waiting for it to be over. I let him do it but I know that it was not what I wanted. I felt guilty for awhile after it happened and was ashamed. But, he would still do it to me and I continued to let him until I was brainwashed into thinking that I wanted it. A few weeks after that first experience, he asked me to send me naked photos. I told him no because I didn’t want to and I knew that I should not be doing that. But he told me that all of his ex-girlfriends did it for him and that everyone does it. I continued to say no but eventually he convinced he because I was afraid that if I didn’t send him pictures, then he would break up with me and go back to one of his old girlfriends. Once again, I felt so guilty after I did it. I hated doing it but eventually I became numb to it and convinced myself it was normal. About 2 or 3 months into the relationship, he asked for oral sex. I said no but he told me it wasn’t fair that he did stuff to me but I never did anything for him. Fearing that he would break up with me I did it. He would make me sneak into rooms around my house when my family was home and give him oral sex. I felt so guilty about it and it never went away. I used to tell my best friend everything that I did with him but once this started happening I lied to her and told her that we stopped doing things because I was ashamed. While we weren’t having sexual intercourse, he eventually told me one day “I can’t graduate a virgin so if you can’t give that to me then I don’t know if this is going to work”. Fearing that I would lose him I told him that I would be ready before he graduated. Luckily, we never made it to that because 2 weeks after he said that, he cheated on me and lost his virginity to his ex girlfriend. I was devastated and heart broken because I thought I was in love with him. Looking back on it now I know that it was nowhere near love, but at the time he was really my only friend and I thought losing him was the worst thing that could happen. We broke up and didn’t talk for a month but as summer ended and school started he started texting me again and telling me how he made a mistake and wanted me back. I was naive and took the bait. We had only been texting for a few days when he asked for pictures again. I wanted him back and I thought that this could be the way to do it so I did. The next day, I hit my lowest point. My parents had read my text messages and saw all the pictures I had sent. Not only that, but they read how he was talking to me and how he was being sexually deeming. I was so ashamed. Months of repressing my feelings of guilt all came out at that moment. I completely disappointed and embarrassed my parents. While they were disappointed in me, they were disgusted and angered about my ex boyfriend. Desperate to get me away from him, they transferred me to a different high school. It took me over a year to get over the whole experience and to realize that my parents had forgiven me. I was depressed and was struggling with adapting to a whole new school and friends. Time helped me move on and I eventually forgot most of it. But, at the very end of my senior year, I got a new boyfriend, the first one in 3 years since my ex. He is everything I have ever wanted and I know that I am truly in love with him. He is respectful and kind and he treats me better than any guy has ever treated me. As I was now almost 18, I figured I was ready to start doing more stuff than just kissing again. I wanted to this time and I didn’t feel pressured. But, the first time I gave oral sex to my current boyfriend, I had a terrible flashback. I went completely numb again and I could hardly remember even doing it. I figured this was normal since it had been almost 3 years. I brushed it off. My boyfriend and I continued to occasionally do oral sex, but everytime I did it I was extremely paranoid. Even if we are just making out, I get super paranoid about getting caught or I feel like what I am doing is bad. I know its not bad and I want to do it so why do I feel so guilty? I am in a relationship with someone that I love and I can’t seem to get this feeling of guilt out of my head. We are now in a long distance relationship as have gone away for college and I have noticed that recently in the past 4 months it has gotten really bad. I can’t remember the last time I gave him oral sex because I have been avoiding it. The feelings of guilt have gotten worse so it is just easier if I avoid it all together. But, its gotten so bad that I can’t even make out with him without feeling bad. I don’t want to feel like this anymore because I really want to do this stuff with him. I have made the decision to not have sex until I am married but I am okay with oral sex and I want to be able to experience that with him without feeling so guilty. I have been thinking a lot lately and about my ex boyfriend. I know that I never said no to him, but I was an insecure 14 year old at the time and he completely took advantage of me. Was I sexually assaulted by him? Are these feelings I am having with my current boyfriend PTSD? I don’t want to feel this way anymore and I need to get this out of my head so I can move forward with my current boyfriend. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions and concerns, we understand how upsetting this must be for you and we are so sorry you are experiencing this. It sounds like you experienced a lot of harmful, traumatic things within your first relationship that may be still impacting you today, which is incredibly normal. WEAVE defines sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. What you experienced within your first relationship was not healthy, and we are so sorry that happened to you. Trauma is not straightforward, so neither is the healing process. The flashbacks and frozen feelings you described are very common, and reasonably upsetting. What may be helpful to you would be to participate in some form of Counseling, be it individual or group. We at WEAVE offer several different forms of Counseling services that are dedicated towards helping Sexual Assault survivors learn coping and healing skills. Please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where you can learn more about how to receive Counseling services through WEAVE, or if you just want someone to talk to we have trained crisis counselors who can provide emotional support to anyone who calls. There is healing beyond trauma, you broke the silence and that takes tremendous courage, we are so proud of you. We are here for you, we care, we believe you, and we want to help you.

I go to a group for my domestic violence I have been threw and I gentleman does to he said he was beat up by a lady for my first time he came to visit me and out of the blue he wants me to massage him and get closer to his private parts then hugs me and says I am beautiful and have soft hands.What is this a sign of?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and want to do everything we can to help you. It is never ok for someone to touch you or make you touch them in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, especially their private parts. From what you are describing it sounds like this man is sexually harassing you, which is not ok and is not something you should have to tolerate in an environment that is supposed to be safe and supportive. Some actions you can take, depending on your level of comfort: talk about his actions with the leader of the Domestic Violence Group, contact a crisis counselor on WEAVE’s 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to see what services we can provide for you and some coping skills, talk to the man and make it clear his actions are inappropriate, these are just a few suggestions and they are all entirely up to you, what happens is in your control, you are empowered and strong and do not deserve to be harassed this way. 

I’ve been dealing with many types of abuse. Starting at 7 I was molested by my biological mother by her boyfriend she so desperately needed. I need someone who has knowledge to help with the positive feeling I need.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry for everything you have gone through and we want to help you in any way we can. We understand that you are struggling with the trauma of being molested and perhaps other forms of abuse? There is no excuse for violence or abuse of any sort, it is senseless. But you are brave and strong, because you broke the silence. You took a stand against what you have faced and reached out for help, not everyone can do that. What my be helpful to you would be to attend our Sexual Assault Group Counseling. This is a group counseling environment where trauma and coping skills are developed and discussed. It is a safe space to work through some of the abuses you have experienced and to hear others share their stories as well. If you are interested in these Counseling services or would like more information on other services we provide, please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Why me. I think I’m cursed with abuse of many kinds.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that abuse of any kind is incredibly traumatic and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. There is no sense, rhyme, or reason to people who abuse other people, and we are so sorry that you have experienced abuse in your life. It’s heartbreaking how common and senseless abuse is. But you are strong, brave, and you matter. You broke the silence, and that is not easy. Breaking the silence is the first step towards healing. We want to do everything we can to help you. We offer a variety of services that may be of some help to you, specifically Counseling services. It can be tremendously helpful to talk to someone who is not directly involved in your life who can give you an unbiased perspective on what you have faced, and help you develop skills to help you cope and heal. If you want more information on services, resources, or you would like support, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

One of my roommate friends is a big believer in what she calls ‘healing arts.’ She is into things like massage, aromatherapy, candles, and other things. It sometimes feels to me like a mystical imaginary belief system my friend and her friends follow. They believe in stones and gems that release energy and reading peoples energy levels. To me I don’t really know what it is all about. All I know is I worry if she is getting tricked by some people. She was telling how she sometimes goes to these sessions where she takes off all her clothes. She gets under a sheet and she lets different men masturbate her in these certain ways. They have to follow certain rules to do it. Sometimes the men wear gloves to demonstrate there is not a skin to skin contact with her, like that makes any difference. It all sounds so strange to me. She got in with this other group of people who I would call just having sex orgies basically. She gets all offended when I call it that, saying it is ‘mutual understanding’ and finding ‘insightfulness.’ I tell her I think it sounds to me like a bunch of balogna. She is just getting basically screwed and used I think but she feels it helps her find serenity and understanding of the universe. How do I help my friend? She is like she is sucked into her beliefs so strongly she is just doing really dangerous and disturbing things. A few nights ago I saw the television was on in our family room but in the darkness didn’t see anyone in there. I went to turn it off. I found she was on the carpet in our living room, totally naked, masturbating, with headphones on. I have seen enough females so it wasn’t that. But I unplugged her headphones and she opened her eyes. I asked her what the hell she thought she was doing that sort of thing on our living room floor. She was like I was just about to cum and how dare I intrude upon her when she was timing the orgasm to a tape to she was listening too. Should I just write this person off as just a nut or do you think she needs help from Weave? How do people help someone like her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this sounds like a very stressful and upsetting situation but your friend is lucky to have you as an advocate for her health and safety. We understand that someone practicing a different form of belief system can be confusing, but what you are describing sounds a little scary. If you are concerned for your friend’s safety, you can share your feelings with her in a non-judgmental way and tell her that you care for her and want her to be safe, and that you are here for her. We feel it may be helpful if you give your friend our 24/7 Support and Information Line where she can talk to a crisis counselor and we can help assess whether your friend is putting herself in a dangerous situation. That number is 916.920.2952. Please remember it is important that you are in an environment where you feel safe, and that you are taking care of yourself. If you feel it would be helpful to talk to someone about what you are experiencing, don’t hesitate to use the Support Line yourself. We are here for you, and we care. 

What do I do when I am supposed to marry someone in 11 days and I woke up but kept my eyes closed and he was messing with me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this, it must be incredibly confusing and upsetting. It is never ok for someone to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, or without your permission. In order for a sex act to be consensual, you must say yes to it, even if it is a sex act you have said yes to in the past, consent must still be given. Even if you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. After something like this, it is normal to feel a range of conflicting and even confusing emotions- there is nothing wrong with you. If you would like to discuss what happened to you further, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where trained crisis counselors can provide you with a safe, supportive environment to discuss your feelings and even your options. We are here for you, we believe you, and we want to help you. 
I wrote to you this week a question about leaving the USA. I wanted to give you a follow up. I met with a medical doctor Wednesday to get checked. The MD told me he’d get me in the first open time to meet with a psychiatrist. The MD said I maxed out their stress crises test except for current suicidal thoughts. The MD says my circumstances of confinement, cruelty, and years of violent experience are too severe for a standard psychologist. The doctor called and tells a psychological center I would be coming in by self referral Thursday which is yesterday. The doctor tells me to go to a certain address. I take out a piece of paper and a pencil. He has me write down the address. I’m sitting in the chair next to him as he gives me the address to take down. I am given some more checks, shots, and a urine test before I leave. Yesterday I go to the street address he had me write down. There is no psych center at the address he gave me. I’m like what the f*** is going on? I find out he gave me the wrong street name. I have to go clear across the city many miles away. I race and run to get there. I show up 6 minutes after they close for accepting new walk in patients for the day but figure my situation might be different from other people who go there. The front door is still open. The receptionist is still at the front counter. I tell her what happened with the MD and wrong address and me rushing across the city to get there. The receptionist says it’s 9 minutes after closing hours for walk ins and they can’t process me in. Really? I was raped? Chained up? Kept prisoner? Years of enduring violence. All the other sXXX. A few minutes late? I’m too late to get some help? I spend years of my life and it all comes down to nine minutes for them? FXXX THEM! I am chasing after all this stupid sXXX and I get this? I’M NOT GOING BACK! FXXX THEM!!!! I am so done giving people second chances in life. If people don’t want to help me that’s their fXXXXXX life. I’m not going to sleep outside their door in the rain until morning. FXXX THEM!!!! FXXX that doctor too that referred me too. If he can’t even get me the fXXXXXX name of a correct street, what the fXXX would make me believe he would ever give me a correct name of a medicine to take either? That MD must be an absolute aXXXXXX too. If people make me go out of my way to try to help myself why would I even need them for? FXXX THAT PSYCH CENTER. If that psych center doesn’t want to admit me and help me then they don’t have to admit me. FXXX THEM!!!!! I’ve survived THE FXXX without them anyway. Why keep wasting my time being told to do something going miles and get fXXXXX over the coals by doing what I was told to do? I’m sorry to be yelling so much. I’m not yelling at you. It’s 2:56 in the morning. I can see the rain pouring and the wind howling. I’m already up for the day. I’ve been up since 12:25. I’m so stressed I haven’t even cXXXXXX in five days. I just can’t keep holding on to things in my life when there is nothing left to hold on to. I’m even ready to move to North Korea or Siberia because what’s the difference from what I’m living now anyway? At least there their governments will put a bullet in my brain to get me out of my misery. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we are sorry to here about the unfortunate turn your situation has taken. We understand how frustrating that must have been for you, to be given inaccurate information, and not having the receptionist be more sympathetic towards your situation. We are hoping by now that you were able to be admitted into the facility and you are receiving the help you deserve. No one deserves to have gone through what you have and to have to work so hard to receive services or even be taken seriously. We are here for you, and we want to help in any way we can. If you are ever feeling alone or frustrated, we would strongly encourage you to reach out for support at the NAMI HelpLine at 1.800.950.6264. Since WEAVE is a Sacramento, CA based organization, and we are unsure where you are located, NAMI may be able to help connect you with resources in your area that may be able to further help you. 
I am 26 years old. Ive been the problem child for as long as I can remember. At 18 I moved to my sisters house in another state for a fresh start after being at a party asleep and waking up to someone I’ve never talked to from work having sex with me. Disgusting. When I move in with her and new boyfriend he is very agrressive. After a while he starts making moves on me. Shows me his penis daily, mentions it as my morning coffee in front of family members often. One night I wake up while a friend I had staying over was asleep next to me, to him kissing me. I asked him to stop saying my sisters name, and he did. One day while home alone he held me down with his knees on my shoulders and put his penis in my face. I had to fight to get away. I moved out after this but told no one for eight years.

During this time I still had contact with my sister and built high walls in between any contact I had with him. Eventually, my sister asked me if he had ever hit on me and that he had mentioned something drunk. I told her everything. She didnt call much for two weeks and said she wished I had never told her. I let it go again.

The next year my family visited hers and we all drank Thanksgiving night. I fell asleep in my nephews room alone, and woke up to him touching my vagina… HOW AGAIN?? WITH ALL THE WALLS I BUILT, WITH MY CHILD THERE, WITH MY HUSBAND THERE

I woke up and told my sister and husband someone messed with me last night but didnt yet have the courage to say it was him. All this time I didn’t want to ruin my sisters marriage, make things hard for my family, or hurt my sister who lost her first husband young and had built her life again.

After going home depression set in really bad… I daydreamed of hurting him. Eventually I confronted him, and punched him in the mouth. I had to hold him accountable because even though at that point I had told my family it was him and they didnt believe me. I saw no other way to live than to hold him accountable.
Now my sister won’t speak to me or allow her children to speak to me whom I have always been ok incredibly close with and am called their favorite. They call me secretly but she discovered this and punished them.

I held it in so long for her. What do I do? I can’t imagine never seeing my nieces and nephews again. 

Sincerely,
SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand how upsetting and real this situation is for you, and we are so sorry that you are going through this. There is no sense to all the pain and violations you have experienced. It is never ok for someone to take advantage of you, touch you when you don’t want to be touched, or to force you to do things that make you uncomfortable, especially sexual things. We understand that you are struggling with how your sister has responded to this situation, specifically you telling her what her husband did to you. Everybody responds to sexual assault differently, and it must have been very hurtful for your sister to respond in that way. We are so proud of you for telling your sister despite her reaction because it was important that she knew. We feel it may be helpful for you to be in a safe environment to talk about what you have experienced, perhaps with other people who have had similar experiences. Support systems are incredibly vital in order to cope and heal. Having a support system and an environment where you feel safe to express yourself may be helpful in deciding what action would be best to take next. We are unsure where you are located, but our organization is located in Sacramento, CA. If you are interested in pursuing Counseling Services, or would like to find support services in your area, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your resources and get support from a crisis counselor. You are not alone in this, you are not to blame for this, we believe you, we are here for you. 

I was sexually assaulted in my sleep by my ex-boyfriend. This happened months ago, last summer specifically. I got textual evidence of him admitting to assaulting me while I slept. I wrote my own police report and took my evidence to the police, which was enough to get him convicted. However, he was under the age of 17 when the crime took place, so nothing serious happened for him besides perpetrator rehabilitation. Throughout the whole summer and first semester of my senior year, I dealt with the police and cold, cruel school administrators. The perpetrator also attends my high school and I had to fight for my right to not see him in the halls. I changed the school policies so that school policies prioritize creating the safest, most supportive educational environment for victims. Instead of the school administration, passively allowing the perpetrators to roam and continue to victimize innocent survivors. However, despite not seeing him on my safety routes, I see his friends who stare at me and the building has numerous triggers from old memories which divert to trauma from the assault, police, just basically the whole mess of things. I’ve changed so much for numerous victims yet continue to feel so alone, helpless, and isolated.  Every time I go to bed it’s traumatic. I have wicked nightmares and flashbacks triggered by many things. I am seeing counselors; learned how to play three new instruments (pretty well); I write about it in poetry, screenplays, and songs; taking college courses; dance; draw and paint; got a new challenging internship; gardening; teaching; etc. I’m coping as best as I can after all that has happened, but I feel trapped at my high school… I feel like I’m a sad burden to my family, friends, and loved ones, because I can’t get past this. BUT I’m really trying.

Is this why I can’t get over what happened, is it because I’m still attending that school? Is it normal to be haunted by flashbacks for this long? Will it ever go away? It’s two months away from the disturbing one-year anniversary of when this all began?

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize how hard it can be to talk about sexual assault and we appreciate you breaking the silence. That takes tremendous courage and bravery and we support you. We are so sorry this happened to you, and that you are still struggling with triggers and trauma. You may find that friends and family expect that you should be ready to move on with your life as soon as they are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand sexual assault know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being assaulted affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people who are assaulted experience symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and, although symptoms do get better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the assault long after it happened. Hopefully, in Counseling you feel you have a safe person to talk with and are gaining the skills to help cope with your feelings and reactions. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to react or feel a certain way. There is no time period or deadline when you should “get over it”. Healing from such a violation is a complicated and individual process. Take as long as you need to let yourself heal. You are practicing wonderful self-care (playing new instruments, writing, etc), continue to do so. But if you feel that continuing to attend that school is too triggering and painful for you, it may be helpful to consider transferring to a new school or homeschooling, whatever you feel would be helpful to you. It would not be a failure, but an investment in your healing. We support you in any decision you make, and if you would like some more support or resources, don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My life is nothing like most people. It doesn’t get better. Tonight I only had three hours sleep. I slept on the floor with just a my school backpack under my head for a pillow, no mattress under me, no blanket above me, with a light on. I woke up at midnight to start my day. I’m coming to realize it never will get better if I stay in California. Friday I went to a psychologist to talk to him about my problems. I was kidnapped when I was a child. I was raped, beaten, terrorized, and sexually abused for years. Sometimes I was chained up like a dog. I go to the psychologist to talk about this stuff Friday. What does he do? THE F***ER DOESN’T BELIEVE ME!!!! He asks if I was ever in a psychiatric ward. He asks if I hear voices. He asks me who my psychiatrist is. Why the F*** would I need a psychiatrist? He asked me do I see things other people don’t see? He asked if I ever talked to god or people on other planets. F*** NO! I know what day it is. He basically just refused to believe me at every turn. This so-called “expert” did just about everything but call me a f***ing liar. I AM NOT CRAZY!!! When I told him things he kept going “What!!!?” “What!!!?” Then the F***ING A**HOLE has the B***S to say”I strongly advise you to not tell anyone anymore what we have been discussing. People don’t need to know what you THINK happened to you. They wouldn’t understand.” THINK???? Discussing? I’m not discussing. I’m TELLING and all he does is he believes I’m crazy! I’m still so angry right now!!! I want to go to the top of a tall mountain and scream. I guess I have been going crazy since before it began. It’s like this life I’ve lived,other than certain charity organizations and people, want to act and pretend it didn’t happen. Even law enforcement, including the FBI and the D.A., are f***ing against me. I’m so mad at myself right now. I KNEW this was going to happen. I waited MONTHS for nothing! Now the F***ING psychologist I tried for months to get one to meet with me asks me if I’m getting three meals a day and if I am getting enough sleep. WHY THE F*** WOULD I CARE ABOUT FOOD AND SLEEP AFTER WHAT I WENT THROUGH???!!! I wished he were chained up and beaten and raped. Let him live like I was forced to live FOR YEARS and then h’d know why I don’t give a F*** about my food and why I can’t sleep. I’ve tried FOR YEARS to take baby steps to see if people would believe me. I took little steps to test others trust. I confided with certain people using stories and hypothetical situations to see if I would ever be believed. I realize now I really am COMPLETELY F***ED. I’m alone in this F***ING LIFE on my own existence. I’m F***ED twice, first in all those years I was a prisoner and victimized. Now I’m F***ED AGAIN because I’m not believed and not supposed to talk about it? I’m finally coming to accept no one really cares about me. You probably will not even post this question because I know how sensitive this topic gets for the public to hear. My kidnapper is still living free, probably with other children prisoners in his house. It feels I’m blocked and stymied and disbelieved at every turn. I’ve tried to tell others what happened. It’s time I leave this F***ING PIECE OF S*** COUNTRY. I’m at the end of my rope on remaining options. I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide would mean my kidnapper and his evil friends win. My only other viable option besides suicide is to LEAVE THIS F***ING COUNTRY. Just let the other victims figure out their own survival, like rats on a sinking ship. I can’t worry about this world anymore. I have to look out for what keeps me alive. Would Weave have anyone I can I go to learn about other countries to live? I just want to get the F*** out of here. I know no place will be 100% perfect or safe. But at least I’ll be gone from this F***HOLE OF A COUNTRY. I’m not safe here. I never will feel safe here. I apologize for being so loud and profane. It’s just my life is not getting better. Its getting worse. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate your honesty and for utilizing this space as a place to communicate your frustrations and experiences. What you have been through is horrific, and we are so sorry that, one, these were your experiences, and two, no one has provided you with the support you deserve. We believe you, and we want to help you in any way we can. There is a lot that we can do to help you, from little things like having a safe place to sleep at night and food and clothes, to getting to a place where you feel safer. We realize that things like food and clothes are not a big concern to you right now but we want to make sure you are safe and healthy so if you are wanting to transition somewhere safer, you are able to do so. No one deserves to live on the streets and to not be safe, and we have resources that can help you. If you are interested in any resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We want to help make your life better. 
My question is, how do we educate the police on rape? I was told by a detective that once you give consent, there is no taking it back. Even if you are unconscious. She told me once you consent, that person can do anything they want to you. Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this was a very upsetting situation to be put in and we are sorry that this happened to you. WEAVE defines sexual assault as any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. WEAVE provides a service where, if you are interested, we can connect you with an advocate that can help with conversations like these with law enforcement if you are needing to do further interviews with them or even court accompaniments. Our role could be one of support and advocacy. We also provide various Counseling services that may help, our goal is to provide a safe environment where survivors can come together to build trauma and coping skills. If you may be interested in any of these services, you can reach out on the 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Is it normal for my boyfriend filming while I’m passed out on pills and then saying you wanna know what would get a guy in prison if this wasn’t his girlfriend, and then he started pulling my shirt down exposing my boobs and then masturbating and rubbing his penis on my face. Is that normal? I kinda thought it was weird cuz I was hard core passed out and couldn’t be woken up

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you were put in this uncomfortable and scary situation. It is never okay for someone to put you in a situation where you were not able to consent to these sexual actions or comfortable with them. Anytime someone performs or makes you participate in any unwanted sexual activity, that would be called sexual assault. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We understand that this can be a very scary and upsetting situation, and want to provide any support or resources for you that may help you. Feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I am feeling terrible what I let happen to my daughter. I thought this could never happen to my child. I was a child care provider for five years. I was trained to look for all the warning signs. There was a neighbor girl who is five years older than our daughter. We had no idea she was a child molester. This neighbor girl preyed upon our daughter for many years. We let our daughter stay overnight and even entire weekends at her house on numerous occasions. We unknowingly handed our daughter over to her to be abused right under our noses. We just didn’t know. Not only that, we permitted this abuser’s family to take our daughter on trips to Disneyland and other places, on ship cruises, on weekend getaways, and even vacation trips outside the United States. I feel awful I used to encourage my daughter to go take trips with this family. There were many times I’d find my daughter playing alone and encourage her to go play with this girl. My daughter has always been academically advanced so I thought they were a great fit. Had I only known…. What makes the situation a bit of a challenge is I didn’t know about my daughter’s abuse until my daughter became an adult. My daughter is very smart. She, like many very intelligent children, was wise at also knowing how to hide her victimization very well for so long. I knew something wasn’t right only when our daughter suddenly stopped all contact with this other girl. I could tell by the way my daughter became angry whenever I mentioned her abuser’s name there was possible abuse. My daughter was on edge and angry, unlike her usual happy disposition. In time she was cracking. I could just drive past her abuser’s house and my daughter would get upset. It was simple math for me finally to tell this was something more than a normal friendship gone wrong. My daughter went to counseling. She received medical care and was put on medication for depression. We even moved so she didn’t have to feel trapped into being so close to her offender’s family. What I find especially sad is because my daughter is now an adult, she has to be the one now to come forward to press charges. California laws are just not up to the times, just like children under the age of 18 are still permitted to marry child predators in California given the appropriate consent. I think my daughter is holding back from pressing charges because she still feels some loyalty to her abuser. I am proud she did write a letter to her abuser and told her abuser to never contact her ever again or she would go to the police. Some progress is being made. But does WEAVE ever think of holding group support meetings for survivors? I know you provide individual counseling. But having my daughter hear from other survivors in a group setting is the empowerment I believe my daughter really needs to hear.

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how hard this situation must be on you and your family and we want to do everything possible to help your daughter cope and heal from this trauma. We actually do offer both individual and group counseling for survivors of sexual assault. In order to receive any kind of Counseling services, one must attend our free Walk-In Triage Assessment hours which occur Tuesday (12pm-2pm), Wednesday (5pm-7pm) and Thursday (12pm-2pm) at our 1900 K Street Midtown office location. No appointment is necessary. Events like these can be incredibly traumatic not only for the survivors but also for their family members so we would encourage everyone in the family to pursue Counseling services so you can provide the best support for each other. We are so sorry, again, that this happened to your daughter. 
I am no longer with this person I want to ask about. She sometimes had me to do things sexually I didn’t feel comfortable doing. I can’t really talk to people about it because people I have talked to about it don’t take it serious or understand… People I talked to laugh and think its funny I’m upset and not calming down. I’m not laughing. I’m crying. Girls tell how they were abused and people cry and say how awful. I tell what happened to me and people ask me to tell them more sex stories and smile and want to high 5. What am I supposed to feel when a girl totally stalked me and used me for herself until I was dumped for her next victim? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so proud of you for reaching out today and recognize how hard it can be to break the silence. It can be hard to know how to respond or react when someone you cared about was manipulating you into doing things that you were not comfortable with and putting you in various unsafe situations. It is never ok for someone to make you do things sexually that you are uncomfortable with doing or that you say no to. After what you have experienced, it is normal to respond emotionally in many different ways, and it is important to have a support system. Here at WEAVE, we offer a variety of Counseling services that may be helpful to you, if you would like more information on our Counseling services, or on other services we provide, please reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. This phone number can also be used to get you in touch with advocates who can provide you with emotional support and crisis counseling. 

So I’ve posted things on here before about what happened to me but is my relationship with the family member who assaulted me supposed to be just back to normal like nothing happened is that ok or am I supposed feel a certain way about him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question.  I am sorry to hear you were assaulted. You have every right to feel however you are feeling. There is no right or wrong way to feel in these type of situations. It can be even more complicated when you are hurt by a family member and or someone you know or trust. It may be helpful to speak to a counselor to help process the feelings you are feeling.  WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault as well as a 24 hour support and information line that you can call at (916) 920-2952. It can be helpful to talk to someone that understands sexual assault and the feelings you may be going through. I want you to know we are here for you and you could call our 24/7 support line anytime.

I found a picture of my daughter passes out and someone had their dick in her face. Is there something I can do about this. Someone sent this to my daughter and I saw it. I know who sent this picture. What can I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you had to see that! WEAVE unfortunately cannot answer legal questions on our message boards, just because there laws and policies are different depending on the full story. Unfortunately in order to answer your question correctly we would need to know some more information.  However you do have options regarding this matter! Please contact either our 24 hour support and information line at (9160 920-2952 or our legal number at (916) 319-4944. WEAVE also has counseling services that are available for your family! We are here to help, please reach out!!!

I worry if my mind is getting schizophrenia. Today I had these really vivid disturbing memories and images of some painful and terrifying experiences I had when I was sexually abused as a teen. It was very very disturbing. I cannot describe it as actually watching the experiences like an outside observer, but my mind was replaying them to me through my own eyes and body again. It was like I was back in my body back as a teen and feeling and experiencing exactly like I felt when it happened back then. It was so strange. I felt the terror and it felt to me like my brain was overwhelmed and I was not sure what to do. I was just freezing up like my mind was watching a movie of things I had been forced to do. It wasn’t like suppressed memories because I do remember going through the stuff. I had to get up and walk around a lot. I did a lot of writing to just get my mind into another place. Is this normal or do I need to go see a doctor? I think I might be going crazy from the evil stuff I experienced.


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you were sexually abused, and are still fighting the memories of the experience. When a person has been abused the brain tries to protect and understand what happened by responding in different ways, so everyone experiences and handles abuse differently. Have you discussed what happened to you with anyone before? I understand your concern regarding the out of body experience and the possibility of schizophrenia, I unfortunately am not a psychiatrist and am unaware of the signs or symptoms. However WEAVE does have trained counselors who work with victims and survivors of sexual assault! This can be a big step for someone who may not have discussed their experience before, however by just posting your question it seems like  you are ready to talk about your experience. Please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 if you need anything at all! We are here for you!


 

If my Ex husband put his hand down my panties, without my consent, more than once, while I was on heavy sedatives to keep the night terrors away, that he caused in our marriage (he is supposed to be moving out) and I kept telling him no, is that considered sexual assault? He has a DV charge from hitting me and is on parole and is on a no hostile contact order.

His mom said “I will not address this” and won’t even talk to him about it. I have no one to talk to. He has isolated me from everyone.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! To answer your question yes sexual assault is any unwanted sexual behavior regardless of relationship status or previous sexual history with an individual. I am truly sorry he has not complied with moving out and you feel isolated. WEAVE has counseling as well as a 24 hour support and information line (916) 920-2952 that are here for you! Sometimes it is helpful to talk to someone that understands domestic violence and the challenges survivors face, such as night terrors, isolation, and harassment. I know it may feel like you are alone, but WE are here for you !!  

If you’re passed out drunk, with your pants around your knees, and another female takes pictures of that and shows other people, is it sexual assault?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were put in that position! The legal definition of sexual assault is any unwanted type of sexual contact or behavior, however the definition changes from state to state. Unfortunately I am unaware if what happened to you is considered sexual assault without more information. However what happened to you was a violation of your personal space and I am sorry you are having to deal with this!  WEAVE has a legal SA hotline that may be able to answer your question and provide feedback regarding your options (916) 440-6797. If you have any additional questions or need support in any way please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I was drugged and raped by my oldest brother when I was 20.5 and he was 28. About 15 years after, I yelled it to his wife two days after an argument with him. My family cared more about how he felt over my bringing it out than they did for me for his abuse. He had a high position for the State. 39 years later, a life of pain struggle and addiction. How do I explain PTSD and retraumatization to an older sister who is close to him. It is affecting she and I getting together to talk. It’s been 39 years. I cut my wrist 4 months after, he was never held accountable, or would admit to it. I have been emotional, addicted since it happened HELP ME! I am 61 now. Been a hard life. I have nothing and no one. Going to be homeless in 3 weeks.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry that this happened to you, and that you didn’t have the support you needed from your family. Have you reached out for other ways of support such as a counselor or a friend. I don’t know if you live in Sacramento Ca, but WEAVE does offer a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 that is able to talk and lend support at any time! We also offer counseling services that can offer support as well. There are agencies that work specifically with housing options, and helping with rent! we can give you those referrals through our support and information line as well! We are here to help, and you are not alone!

I’m 16 to soon be 17. I’ve been in ballet since three. Ballet is much of my life. I also practice technique, lyrical, jazz and tap and hip hop. I want to be a professional dancer. My current GPA is 3.82. I’m enrolled this semester in two honors and two AP classes. I have secrets. I was four. We lived in another state. My parents put me in military base day care. A man came in sometimes. We would be sleeping. He would touch me and have sex with me. I never told anyone. Telling my parents or sister or friends would only make them sad. I want them to be happy for me. I have other secrets. I’m 5′9″. I weigh 113 pounds. Sometimes I starve myself or eat little. I try not to get too thin. I have also plucked every hair I have on my body except my head and eyebrows. I hate body hair except those two places on me. I read I do it because it makes me feel in control. I sometimes borrow my sisters car license. She doesn’t know. I used her ID to get tattoos. I have three tattoos so far. One is a small tree on the back of my neck. It represents life and nature. I have a body message to me on my torso. ‘Never Surrender your Dreams.’ The third is a big dancing dragon that wraps up and across my right breast. I love them all especially my big dragon. I got my navel, nipples, hood, and one inner labia pierced. Getting inked and pierced makes me feel I am someone special. It makes me feel no one can stop me. I do it for me. Sometimes when I am alone or lonely I watch and read XXX. Seeing and reading XXX makes me know I am a sexual, sensuous person. I am not alone and shouldn’t feel ashamed. What age do you think I should ever tell my parents or someone my secrets?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry you were sexually assaulted as a child and feel like you can’t tell anyone about it! Sometimes holding in your secrets can be hard, by posting your question it seems like you are ready to talk about what happened to you. It can be scary to open up to loved ones about something like this for fear they will judge or blame you. However there is no “right” time to tell your story, but by speaking up about what happened to you there are support systems available to you! Have you considered reaching out to a counselor either with us at WEAVE or at your school? This may be helpful because counseling is a safe place where you can disclose your feeling and emotions, not only about the assault but also about your fears with telling your family members about what happened to you.  WEAVE has counseling services, and a support line that you can call (916) 920-2952. We are here to help, and you are not alone!

I’m sorry I tried to find the answer to my question in the board but couldn’t continue looking because i was abused when I was young :( me and this girl from another town used to flirt and hug and she used to contact me a lot through social media. A few nights ago she smoked me out down the beach and it was soooo cold and we were talking about things and she said she was really cold and I joked around saying I could warm you up and I asked her if it was fine and she said yeah. Then we walked up to town and went to my room upon her request like we did several times before. Then I closed my door and she sat down and we talked then I tried to give her a hug she said no. I opened my door like a gentleman then she gave me a hug and I asked her if she wanted me to walk her home because of the fear sex offenders in my village she laughed and said she could walk home. This morning I was awaken by a uniformed officer asking for my side of the story of the sexual assault case. And just two days ago she asked me to kiss her hand and she posted it on Snapchat…. idk what to do I’m 20 years old and she’s 18. Please help. I understand this is not a typical question but idk where to turn. I don’t want to go to federal prison. I understand she didn’t want a hug.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Are you in the United States or a different country? I know the laws and policies are different depending on where you live. I unfortunately do not know how to answer your question since I do not know where you are located, and the laws surrounding your area. Did the officer give you a ticket or ask you to appear in court? Is the girl charging you with sexual assault? I would recommend you contact either our support line at (916) 920-2952 or the National Sexual Assault hotline at (800) 656-4673 for clarity and how to move forward with your question. I am sorry I could not give you more information!

If I was passed out and my boyfriend put 5 cigarette butts and two dimes in my vagina, is that sexual assault?? I am very angry about this.

hank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry that was done to you by your boyfriend! Are you physically okay? Do you need medical attention? Sexual assault can be defined as any non-consensual sexual touching of a person, since you were passed out you were not able to give your boyfriend consent for anything that transpired. If you need to talk to someone please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-252. We are here to help!

Married man stuck hand down my pants.

 

I have worked with this guy for 5 months and tonight we were the last ones to leave. We were clocking out and asked to see my “abs” because I had joked earlier about not working out a lot. It was dark inside the building and at that point I knew he had bad intentions. I said no a numerous times and tried to walk away and he grabbed my hand. I still managed to walk out the door 10 minutes later after pointing out he was married.

 

I walked fast to my car. He walked behind. For about 20 min I was trying to get into my car and he kept asking to touch me. I said no, but he was blocking my car door and there were brushes in front of my car. I got in the bushes a few times and went around my car. I made it around to my driver’s side again, but at one point he just wouldn’t take no for an answer, so with my hand on my door handle, he was able to stick his hand down my pants for about 15 seconds.

 

I don’t know why I didn’t yell. I guess I had considered him a friend and was in shock that he would cheat on his wife. He kept saying there was something between us. I grew up around a lot of guys and speak ‘like a guy a lot of the time’, so I am blaming myself for giving him the wrong impression. I feel horrible. If I was married, I would be broken if my husband did that to me so I never want to be the other woman. I never thought I would be in this position. My conscious is weighing heavy tonight. Did I do anything wrong short of screaming and punching him in the face?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I can understand how you may feel like you did something wrong by not screaming or punching him, however you did nothing wrong. You made it clear that you were not okay with what was happening, and that you wanted him to stop. Your coworker had no right to make you feel uncomfortable or prevent you from getting into your car. Have you discussed what happened with a your manager or boss? Have you seen him since the assault? Please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line if you need anything! We are here to help and you are not alone!


 

I’ve Been my with my boyfriend for 8 months now and on new years Eve I got really drunk and he was laying me down and I would come in and out of sleep well when I first woke up he was touching me and I moved him I woke up again and he was masturbating on my face and I moved away because it freaked me out and I didn’t want him doing that than I starting throwing up and when I grabbed for him to help me up he had sex with me I didn’t want him too but I was so drunk I couldn’t force him off. I don’t know If it’s considered rape but I’ve felt so uncomfortable since and it bothers me a lot and makes me want to cry?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you felt uncomfortable and are struggling with what happened to you. Technically no one can give consent if they are intoxicated regardless of the relationship status. These feelings and emotions can be hard to sort out by yourself, if you need someone to talk to or need support in any way please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

When I was a child, my uncle use to wait until everyone left to touch me and I told him to stop and every time I did that, he would just tell me to shut up and not tell anyone. Is this Rape or a sexual assault (I was about 5/4 at the time )

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am truly sorry your uncle did not listen to you when you asked him to stop. What you experienced is sexual assault, this can be very hard to deal with on your own, even if it happened years prior. If you need support in any way please reach out! We are here to help !!

I can’t really get into this in a big way… My fiancee’ is 35 years older and has cancer and cirrhosis, and hasn’t been able to have sex for several years.. so a friend of mine started moving in.. It was kind at first, but then he started asking about tying up and thing and one time when he tied me up he strangled me until i nearly passed out. He cried..I forgave him.. so be it.. Tonight, he tried to kiss me, but I resisted and he started to strangle me again. He said “I’m Sorry, I never wanted to hurt somebody or anything like that… I just want to see my hands around your throat”. I played it off and asked him to leave.. Is he sick or am I just exaggerating a weird fetish of his???

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were put in that situation with your friend. If the act made you feel uncomfortable in any way it is okay for you too not want him around you. If you need any support or would like to talk to someone about what happened please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My 14 year old daughter was sitting next to a male peer during a school assembly and throughout the assembly he repeatedly caressed her thigh and hand. She “froze” and turned away from him, but felt unable to speak up and get him to stop. Is this sexual harassment, sexual assault or sexual abuse? How do I proceed, considering he is a minor?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry your daughter had to experience this, especially at school where she is supposed to feel safe. I would define what happened to your daughter as sexual assault. Unfortunately we cannot give any legal advice on our message boards, however we do have a legal department who would be more than happy to discuss any options you may have. (916) 440-6797. Have you discussed what happened with the school or authorities? Also WEAVE does have counseling that would be available for your daughter if you want and she is ready. Please contact our 24 hour support and information line with any additional questions or concerns at (916) 920-2952.

My dad squeezes my thighs a lot and squeezes my butt, does that mean he is sexually abusing me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Sexual abuse is any unwanted touching that makes you feel uncomfortable. Have you told anyone about this before? A family member? Or even a friend?  I am glad you felt comfortable enough to reach out on our message boards! If you like WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 that can give you some advice on what to do in your situation. Unfortunately without more information, I cannot give you many options regarding your question. We are here to help please reach out!!

What is it called when a man grabs your hand and places it on his junk?Even if there was clothes on, I feel violated. But I was wrong too because I was joking around with him. Is it my fault for egging him on?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were put in a situation where you felt uncomfortable. No one deserves to be put in that situation, and none of this is your fault! These feelings can be hard to work through on your own, and you are not alone! If you need to talk to someone about those feelings or you have any questions please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.
What if I love him, is it rape?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be very confusing trying to figure out how to label something that happened to you. The legal term of rape is “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” these situations can be hard to work through by yourself, I am proud that you were able to reach out on our message boards! Please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. You are not alone, and we are here for you!

I was abused when I was 13 years old by my moms boyfriend and when it took me 3 years to tell my mother. She kicked him out but he came back, the sexual abused stoped but he kept on calling me names such as hoe, slut and would stay outside my room. He’s a cocían addict and it scares me to go out in the night. Knowing his there. Now I am 19 years old and he is still here. Every night is the same. Today I almost stabbed him with a knife because he came so close to me. I don’t know what to do because somehow, he always come back.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am genuinely sorry you were abused as a child, and you feel stuck in this situation with him still as an adult. I am glad you reached out for help! Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. I understand why you feel scared in this situation! Have you considered leaving since it does not seem like he will? Do you have the resources and support to leave? We can help you with trying to figure out a “plan”. If you wish to talk our discuss some of your options please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here for you, and you are not alone.

The other day at work I went out to smoke a cigarette. A new coworker followed me outside. He was Hispanic, and doesn’t speak great English. He came close to me and began rubbing his hands together. He said, I will keep you warm. I assumed he was just being polite and I extended my hand towards his hand. He proceeded to stick his hand underneath my shirt and touch the top of my breast. I froze, I was totally shocked. like a deer in headlights. I backed away. He then proceeded to come towards me again. I said, no I’m warm enough, but he did it again. There was definite squeezing this time. I still didn’t react as I think i should have. Perhaps a slap or a kick. I just was so stunned. I did tell a manager what happened and she gave him a verbal warning. This incident continues to bother me greatly. Am I overreacting?? Also, I told my husband what happened, and he became angry with me. He said he couldn’t understand how I could let something like that happen. How I could just freeze. Am I to blame??

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. First none of this is your fault, no one deserves to be touched in any way that brings discomfortness and I am sorry you experienced this. There are a couple different responses someone can have when they are in this situation and freezing is a common response. These feelings can be hard to deal with on your own! Please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line for any information or support (916)920-2952.

My step dad used to call me sexy all the time when I was a child, he touched me in weird places, it felt wrong when I was 20 he thought I was asleep and he started rubbing my vagina, I quickly woke up and told him not to touch me, he played it off like he was just rubbing, there’s a lot more, is there anything I can do? I live in Ohio Hello, I am now 34, my step dad has always made inappropriate comments when I was a child calling me “sexy touch me in weird places, when I was 20 he thought I was passed out ,i fought him trying to rub my vagina before I woke up, I told my mom but she took his side(i guess cuz he made the money) I live in Ohio, is there anything I can do? At least let him know he is being looked at,this has bothered me my whole life, I know it has something to do with my personal life, not being able to keep a boyfriend, this man I called dad did some serious physiological problems, can you help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Due to the release of personal information (phone # and email) i did modify your question for your safety. I am sorry you have been sexually assaulted by your step father as a child and at 20. Being sexually assaulted can have impacts on a person’s life and it is sometimes hard to deal with those feelings alone. There are resources for you! The National Sexual Assault hotline will be able to connect you with resources and agencies in your area their number is (800)-656-4673. You can also contact our agency at (916) 920-2952.
I have a question I woke up and my close was off of me and I was hurting down there,does this mean I was raped? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately without more information (was their drugs or alcohol involved, where did you wake up, etc.)  I cannot answer this question. however  I understand your concern since you woke up with no clothes on! These thoughts can be confusing to handle on your own! If you are experiencing any pain please seek medical attention immediately. WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line that can discuss some of your options with you.

I’ve been seeing to an older man, I’m 20. Because of the age gap, we’ve gone to more private places, hotels/his home, etc.. He’s been really sweet, I was interested in a relationship as was he, he has helped me financially for a while. Last time I saw him, he brought my favorite wine and after a bit, started touching me and forcing himself onto me. I asked him to stop and tried to push him off. But he kept going until he finished.. I’ve been in pain for days, im scared if i go to authorities he will somehow put the blame on me, what do i do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were put in that position, no one deserves to be forced into doing anything they do not feel comfortable with. If you are in pain please seek medical attention! This is not your fault and no one should blame you! You can call law enforcement and make a report, or go to the emergency room to make sure you’re physically okay. WEAVE is here to help! Please call our 24 hour support and information line if you need anything at all.
My brothers friend who I have had sexual intercourse with over a year ago just came into my room while I was sleeping. He took his clothes off and started having sex with me. I woke up and told him to get off and he held my hands down and kept going. I told him multiple times to get off but he wouldn’t. Is that rape? I have had sex with him before so I don’t know if it would be considered rape or not. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry he did not listen to you when you asked him to stop. What you experienced is considered rape. Even though you previously had consensual intercourse with this person before that consent can be taken away at any time. This can be hard to deal with on your own, please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I come from bedroom into living room where I seen my child laying down w/ his head basically over my husband’s crotch. My husband had one leg propped up on couch and the other on floor. Now I would never ever think my husband would sexual assault my child in any way shape or form, but being a victim of sexual abuse myself during my childhood and already at this current time feeling depressed and upset due to some current marriage struggles when I walked into the room and seen; I immediately reacted simply saying” what are you doing?” My husband then said, “nothing, what do you mean what am I doing?!” I then said, “our child’s head is laying in your crotch region, your leg is propped up and it just doesn’t look right to me!” Well I was then called disgusting and pathetic and then was told to leave him alone, that he didn’t want to look at me or hear me and that he had nothing for me and our marriage was over!I in questioning my husband what didn’t appear to look right to me was not meant by any means to harm, accuse, or be taken in a manner where my husband felt blamed for doing something he wasn’t nor would ever do! My intentions were not at all to cause him anger and hatred towards myself nor to jeopardize my marriage! I simply asked a question and gave explanation and reason as to y I asked the question.My question to you all was I in the wrong for even asking my husband the question to begin with based off what I walked into a room seeing an issue that didn’t look right in my eyes? Do I deserve the anger, hostility, hatred and divorce presented from him?I love my husband and don’t think he would ever harm our child! I don’t want to lose my marriage or my family! I honestly didn’t think before I questioned him if there would be consequences for the worse as an outcome from him to me, nor thought about it causing him to be rubbed the wrong way, hurt or angry w/ me! To me it just instantly was natural to feel rubbed the wrong way when I walked in seeing that and to speak up n immediately ask based of my past for one, but also bcoz of being a mom, n being a normal human-being! Please help ! Thanks so much.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I can understand why your internal “warning bells” went off when you walked in on your child laying on your husbands lap. That can be a common response for someone who experienced sexual assault in their past. You were just trying to be a protective mom, and I am sorry you are experiencing this. WEAVE has counseling programs that are able to help if you would like to talk about your past sexual assault experience. We also have a 24 hour support and information line if you would like to talk about your current situation. I do not have many resources in regards to marriage counseling or any advice on that topic but if you call our support line someone will be able to give you resources for any of the above programs. If you would like to call the support and information line the number is (916) 920-2952  

 

My husband thinks he can touch me between the legs anytime he feels like it, randomly in the house, throughout the day, and in the car. I hate it. I say stop. HE doesn’t listen. He says because he is my husband he is allowed to touch me whenever he wants. What is the law in California on this? I just want to know so I can tell him. I doubt he will stop. It is demeaning and makes me feel powerless. THen later I have a hard time when he wants to have mutual sex or intimacy. I tell hIm his hands can’t violate me one hour and turn me on the next. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you are feeling violated by your husband, and he is not listening to you when you ask him to stop. What you are experiencing is Marital Rape, the laws associated with this differ between states however in California it is illegal and can be punishable as a felony. If you have any questions or need support WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 that is here to talk.

I have some questions. I will remain anonymous by just saying I have a stepbrother who is my same age and we are in the same grade in high school. Back in June or summer we were talking about sex. He was telling me how he never saw a female clitoris except in pictures. He asked me about how clitorises get like excited. I tried to explain but he said it was confusing. It takes too long to explain but we washed our hands and I let him see and touch my genitals. I sort of showed him female parts. I let him see and touch my clitoris, labias and things. I let him put his fingers in me so he could feel my vagina walls and where girls pee. We used a flashlight and one of my cosmetic mirrors to touch and look at my cervix. I showed him I masturbate a little so he could see how a clitoris looks when it get excited but not that long. Then we looked at my stepbrothers reproductive parts. He showed me his penis and scrotum. He let me feel his erect penis and explained where it feels good to touch. He also let me feel his testicles. He showed me how he masturbates and he ejaculated and I was able to see cum shoot and touch and smell cum. It was sort of like a science lesson for each of us. The next night he asked if he could feel what a female breast feels like. At first I let him honk me. Later we took off our shirts and we experimented sucking on each others nipples to feel what that is like. Each time we sort of tried new things like giving each other massages. After a while one time I was sucking on his penis and he cummed in my mouth we stopped doing anything for probably six weeks but about two weeks ago I was at a Rite Aid and bought some condoms. We later were at home alone and I lit some candles and we took a bubble bath together. I was super excited and I let him put his penis in me. After that night I’ve been feeling bad having sex with my stepbrother. On the scale of right wrong do you think what we have done is wrong if we are just experimenting?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately I cannot answer this question, (On the scale of right wrong do you think what we have done is wrong if we are just experimenting?) My answer will only be my opinion that is not supported thru any type of law or regulation. I can understand how you can feel torn because he is your stepbrother, and these feelings can be very confusing to work out by yourself! If you need someone to talk to you can reach out to the Teen line at (800) 852-8336 or our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952. We are here if you need to talk!!

It was four days after my boyfriend and I had broken up, I was with a friend to get comfort. I was laying in bed with my friend and I did take off my jeans to sleep in just panties and my t-shirt. I didn’t think anything of it, I’ve been like that around other friends before. I laid back down and I was trying to go back to sleep when he started to touch my over my panties and I didn’t move or do anything. I got scared and didn’t know what to do. Then he touched me under the panties and I still didn’t say anything, I wanted to tell him to stop, but my throat felt like it was closing up. He then penetrated me with his fingers and that went on for a little while, it hurt a lot but I thought he would stop soon. He didn’t seem like he was stopping so I got myself to tell him I needed a break. He stopped for maybe a minute before he started to do that again. I was shaken by that, I hadn’t told him that he could do that again and I just didn’t know what to do. I wanted it to be over with. I did ask if he was going to go all the way. I thought that if he was I wanted him to go ahead and do it because I didn’t want him to touch me anymore. He did say if I wanted to. But, he was touching me while asking and I was afraid to say no. I thought if I told him no that he would just keep touching me with his fingers or that he would ignore me. So, I did say okay. He then got up and got a condom then pulled me around on the bed in a bunch of different positions. I was uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what he would do if I told him to stop, so I just let him do what he wanted. I have only told one other person that the reason I said okay was because I was scared on what would happen if I didn’t. She told me it was sexual assault; but I’m not sure. I mean I did eventually say okay to it. I know that I had tried to stop him earlier in it and he didn’t, so I thought my attempt would be ignored again. But, I just I don’t know what that was. Was it assault? Or was it not? I’m just really confused.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you felt trapped and confused during this, sadly that is a common response for people to have when they are in similar situations. Sexual assault is any  unwanted touching of any kind that made you feel uncomfortable. I am truly sorry you are struggling with what happened to you, this can be hard to deal with on your own. WE are here for you! If you need to talk please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or to get setup with our counseling services. You are not alone, please reach out if you need anything.

I wrote weave earlier asking how to get hugs. I’m too afraid to call or talk to anyone. I hope you can help me if I write. I want to know how you can know if someone really loves someone if they don’t say it. Like how do you tell them you love them without saying? My parents have never said I love you to me. I already mentioned we never touch or hug in my family. There is no affection in my family. My parents are alcoholics so they don’t know how to listen or understand me as it is. Is there someplace on the internet that teaches people who have never had any love to understand what to do? I just feel unloved and I really am unloved.

Thank you for reaching out again! I did not know that your parents were alcoholics in my previous response to you. I am sorry you are living in an environment where you feel there is no love. Love looks and feels different for everyone that is what makes it so magical. Do you have any connections outside of the family, such as an animal’s, friends, or even extended family whom you are close with? Love comes in many forms, and can be found thru nice acts such as volunteering, mentoring, and helping others. I know you are not ready to reach out for help with the numbers provided during your last question, but I am glad you are reaching out thru this message board. Have you considered joining any clubs or activities within your school or community to give you a connection? We are here when you are ready to talk (916) 920-2952.   

I do OA work (copy papers, errands,) for a firm my mom once worked at. (I’m 18 first job.) Last week I went to L.A. to help at a conference. At the hotel I set my suitcase by some shuttle vans. When I came back my suitcase was gone. A 23 yo paralegal who I work with loaned me some clothes and shoes. The second night she invited me to see L.A. This L.A. lawyer she knew had a new Mercedes. He took us to Beverly Hills and Santa Monica. We walked a pier and ate at a restaurant in Santa Monica. Her lawyer friend paid for dinner. I thought something was not good because after we left the restaurant and were walking back to his car he put his arms around me and my coworker but my coworker wasn’t pushing him away? We rode in his car to his house close to the ocean. He asked if we wanted something to drink. My coworker reminded him I was 18. He said I could get some soda from his refrigerator. He left to let his dog outside. I poured some pepsi but my coworker said to add rum. I shouldn’t have but I did. When he came back in he asked if we wanted to go in his Jacuzzi. My coworker said we would. I never Jacuzzi naked. We were talking and my coworker kept swimming in circles in front of us. When she swam she touched his and my arms and legs and things. She kept jumping out of the Jacuzzi to get us more drinks. I could feel the alcohol. I went into the house to use the bathroom. When I came back my coworker and him were kissing. I keep wondering why I was stupid and didn’t just stay inside his place or just put my clothes back on. I went and jumped into the Jacuzzi again. When they swam over to me I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I should have jumped out but I was too afraid? My coworker was doing everything. He just watched. I kept thinking this is not good. She had me up on the side of his Jacuzzi. I kept thinking at the time he was going to rape me but he just watched. That is what I don’t understand. He didn’t do anything but watch. It wasn’t like rape too in some ways because I had undressed myself?She never put her fingers or tongue inside but only outside my vagina. I never said to her no stop that’s enough or don’t do that? She never had me do anything to her besides kiss and tongue her mouth. When she went down my body and later went down on me I never resisted which I guess on my part would have been ok had I been a better communicator? I didn’t jump up or say I didn’t want it or why was I even letting her do this? After I finished she swam over to him and gave him a blowjob and some sex while I waited and rested. After he took us back to the hotel. It was over. I have to see my coworker tomorrow. I don’t know what to say to her. On the plane ride back to Sac she didn’t even talk about it. Now I’m feeling feelings like maybe it’s ok but shouldn’t I say to her it was wrong how she used alcohol to get to me and kind of forced me to Jacuzzi naked?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. These situations can be very confusing especially when they involve people you know. None of this is your fault, and you are not alone. Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind that made you feel uncomfortable. Any time there is alcohol involved no one is truly able to give consent as well. I cannot tell you if you should confront your co worker or not, however seeing her can be very confusing for you. WEAVE does offer counseling services as well as a 24 hour support and information line that are here to talk! (916) 920-2952. Please reach out if you need anything.

When I was 17 I work as a security guard in the guard shack at a warehouse complex. An old cop was the sergeant at the guard house and there was a little bathroom there a guy who had a roach coach who came by and threw firecracker in the bathroom under the door while I was in there. it startled me and I was angry I thought it was the old man so I grabbed him by the shirt and yelled at him. He freaked out and got pissed off at me. and he pulled a gun out of his desk he pointed at my head and start screaming at me I can’t remember what he said but he did push me down to my knees and told me to suck him. He said something like that wasn’t working and he’s pushed me onto the desk and pull down my pants and raped me the other guy just stood there and watched when he was finished he asked other guy if he wanted to climb on and he just shook his head no. That day I drove into an intersection as a truck was coming it T-boned me but I didn’t get hurt I wanted to die. It is so confusing I had been A sex toy for a scout leader for years. And it was kind of consensual. (Cut graphic content)

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you had to experience being raped, no one deserves to go thru that pain. Do you have any support system that can help with the emotions you are going thru? If you do not WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952 that you can call. There is also the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-4673. Suicide Ideation can be hard to deal with alone, we are here for you! Please reach out if you need support or you can contact the national suicide prevention lifeline at (800) 273-8255. It can be very confusing trying to deal with all of the emotions that come with being raped, WEAVE has counselors that are here to help as well. Remember you are not alone!  

 

This morning I was getting a physical exam. I reported some very personal things about how I was badly abused as a child for years. The medical examiner talked to me for a really long long time. It was actually the afternoon when I left. He said he trained and worked at UC Davis and spent years also doing pediatric psychiatry. He said there is no way I can get over what I experienced. He said he found in his medical experience and from his training children who experienced what I survived (‘49 out of 50′) turn to drugs, alcohol, start addictive behaviors, go crazy, or live other kinds of messed up lives and or get locked up in prison, suicide, or experience other terrible things as adults. He said many times today he was surprised I was not messed up more. He must have asked me if I ever experimented with illegal drugs ten times. (Never. Not even marijuana. I don’t even use alcohol or tobacco. I’m not on any medicine either.) He said it was basically a dream or fantasy someone in my case can ‘recover’ or ‘heal’. He said the best I can expect is to be ‘treated’ and then I ‘manage’ my condition for what happened. I’m sort of like an emotional lobotomy or brain amputee I guess. It hurts and even makes me cry to realize I really am as he said ‘permanently damaged’ because of what other people did to me. Most disturbing was how he also said child victims of sexual abuse will often grow up later more often than non-abused people to become a sexual predator too. Luckily I currently have no interest whatsoever in wanting to hurt a child. (I was checking on the internet to confirm if abuse victims later become predators but I get mixed answers.) I guess that’s my biggest worry right now. Do you think my brain may change later to want to hurt children?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry not only for your experience as a child but also that the “trained individual” said you were permanently damaged. I want to tell you right now that you are not damaged or messed up. Yes that person is correct that some individuals who have experienced sexual assault may victimize other individuals in the future, however not all abusers have been sexually assaulted or abused as children. Again those are just statistics, and its up to every individual to choose their own path, and choices in life. I can understand if these thoughts seem to occupy your mind, WEAVE does offer counseling services. Or if you have any questions or would like to discuss anything please call our support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or you can call  the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-4673.  

 

I was with a friend and she invited 2 boys over. i was laying in bed and one joined me. i didn’t think anything of it until he started touching my breast then soon stuck his hand down my pants. i don’t know what to consider this. i think it’s molesting because he only touched me. he did not put his penis in me at all. please, can you inform me on what this would be considered. it was not consensual but i didn’t say stop. my best friend was right next to me , that would’ve been super embarrassing

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I know that it must be confusing not knowing how to label what happened to you. Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind, that made you feel uncomfortable.  I am sorry you were put in that situation. If you ever need to talk please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or you can reach out to the national sexual assault hotline at (800) 656-4673.  

My family and my relatives know I was raped by a grownup. Its our big family secret no one talks about. I notice no one wants to touch me anymore. It’s like I’m dirty or contaminated. How do I get hugs when I am too afraid to ask? I haven’t been hugged by a family member in years.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry that happened to you and you feel like you’re not getting the love you need from your family. Sometimes when people do not know how to cope with a situation they try and pretend it never happened, which can result in a “family secret” that is never talked about. It is also common for family members to not show any affection such as hugging or touching. This can be because they do not know if you want that affection or if it will make you feel uncomfortable. It is possible that your family may not even realize that they are not showing you any affection anymore. Have you discussed your feelings with your family, or tried hugging them first? It is never a good feeling to feel like your family sees you as “dirty or contaminated”. YOU ARE NOT any of those things. WEAVE does offer counseling services that may help you and your family. If you are not ready for that, you may also reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here for you.

My uncle assaulted me 3 years ago and I forgave him the morning after when he said he was sorry the day after but occasionally I have moments when I think back on it and I start crying it’s happened randomly at school and at night and it ruins my day. I look up articles about assault and it doesn’t make me feel any better. I wanna tell someone but I feel as if I’ll be re-opening something that is better left alone and then I’ll be ruining his life and no one will believe me. Why do I felt this way and how can I tell someone

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you had to go thru that situation three years ago, and are still going thru it.! No one deserves to be hurt, especially by a family member. When someone has been sexually assaulted sometimes it “haunts” an individual physically and mentally for years. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for this situation, but there are tools and options that can help you. WEAVE offers counseling services for victims and survivors of sexual assault, we also have a 24 hour support and information line that will be able to talk and answer any questions you may have, the number is (916) 920-2952. I believe you! Please reach out if you ever need to talk!

My dad molested me when I was 13 I am now 26 and I have since forgiven him because i am a christian and i will leave it to god to handle, however I don’t know if I’m allowed to have contact with him or not. I mean it’s been 10 years and he’s not on probation or anything but he does have to register so I’m wondering who I would contact to see if I can have contact with my dad.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were molested at such a young age, and I admire your positive outlook on the situation. Sadly I do not have much information to provide to you, I do not believe there is anything stopping you from seeing him, since you are over 18. However I would start by calling the non emergency line in your area, and ask them the rules regarding you seeing him. I know this wasn’t much help regarding your situation, however if you have any other questions or would like to seek services that WEAVE offers, please call our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.  

I need serious advice. I really liked someone but now I don’t know what to do. She told me she was raped by her sisters friend. Says another guy took advantage of her parked behind a store. Another guy stuck his hand down her pants. She says she woke up another time with a naked man in her bed. Another guy gave her weed and touched her breasts. What should I have said? I think she must have done something to keep getting abused. Am I right?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Anyone put in your situation can feel “a loss of words”, these situations are never easy for the person who experienced the abuse or the individual’s hearing about it. It is important to know that no one wants or goes looking to be abused. She must trust you, to be able to disclose what happened to her, and she’s lucky to have someone who cares enough to ask what is the appropriate thing to say in this situation. I would offer her resources to get some help, or just resources for her to talk to someone. WEAVE does offer a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and a counseling center. There is also the National Sexual Assault hotline at (800) 656-4673. Thank you so much for caring about her enough to ask what to do, not many people would take the time or effort to find information.

When I was 5 years old, the older brother of my friend who lived next door lured me to the upstairs bathroom when I went over to the house looking for my friend. I remember he shut the door behind me and made me look at his genitals. I don’t remember much else, except him telling me that if I told anyone, that I would get in trouble. I feel like he emphasized that I was bad. I never told anyone. I’m 46 now, and I know it may seem like a stupid question, but is that considered sexual abuse? I’m asking because I’ve had different issues in my life, and I’m wondering if that has impacted me more than I realized. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, Do not worry no question is stupid especially if it is causing you any restlessness. There are legal definitions of sexual abuse depending on the age of the other person and the act that transpired however if you are experiencing any issues related to this incident WEAVE does offer counseling services as well as a 24 hour support line that you can call for support at (916) 920-2952.
How can I tell if he did rape me? If rape is sex without consent, how do I know if I did have intercourse when I was unconscious? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, When a person has been raped sometimes there are no signs the the act occurred, this does not mean that the event didn’t happen however. If you have any discomfort or pain you should seek medical help to make sure that physically you’re okay. Please don’t hesitate to call our 24 hour support and information line to discuss other options, such as counseling (916) 920-2952.

When I was younger my brother used to abuse me, I am getting therapy for that but I was just wondering. Does it count as rape if he only put his penis in me part of the way or doesn’t that count?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. According to the Department of Justice the definition of rape is “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” I am truly sorry that you had to go thru this and are still going thru this, however I am glad you are going to therapy. If you ever need any support please contact our 24 hour information and support line at (916) 920-2952.


 
When I was either around 6 or 7 my pediatric doctor put his hand down my pants and touched my private area during a regular check up. I was very confused as to why he was doing this so I didn’t say anything. I am now 16 and have been thinking a lot about this. Would this count as sexual assault? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind. I am sorry that you experienced this, and especially at such a young age. Sometimes when the brain remembers a sexual assault the image seems to replay and take over a person’s mind. These thoughts are sometimes hard to handle on your own, if you ever need someone to talk to you can call our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE also offers counseling services for victims and survivors of sexual assault, if you wanted to seek those services.

Can a teen be a sexual addict? When I was 4 (pre-K) I played hide and seek with other children. I tried to hide under my bed and for some reason the pressure of me squeezing under the bed and my legs tightening I had my first orgasm. I didn’t know what it was called but I immediately felt a feeling of incredible warmth, goodness and pleasure. I tried later to get the same feeling again under my bed but it never worked. I knew the feelings were somewhere in my body so I started experimenting and touching my self. I quickly figured it out. I called orgasm my ‘magic powers’. I thought I was the only one in the world who had this magical power. I never told anyone what I was doing. I think I became a sexual deviant. I put myself under the faucets in bathtubs and showers and orgasm super strong. I even put myself naked under sinks to feel good. My mother caught me pushing myself against the washing machine to feel good. I just cannot get enough masturbation but I didn’t know what sex was yet. This may sound perverted but nearly every morning in my life since 4 I go 1-2-3 or 4 orgasms before I start the day. Its like my morning wakeup ritual. I pee, undress, lay on my bed, make up a fantasy, and pleasure myself to orgasm. I work my schedule around my times to masturbate. I can also masturbate to orgasm standing up and sitting in chairs. I have orgasmed in sometimes just two minutes. I think my body is just sexually sensitive. but I think I am obsessed on sex. I used to masturbate everywhere when I was younger. I had my parents get me pants with pockets so at school I could touch myself. I still laugh how in 5th grade a girl sitting next to me looked over when I was climaxing. She could see me coming and had this puzzled look on her face. I didn’t know it was wrong but I’d use to put a sweater in my lap and cover myself at church and orgasm there too. At home all the time I’d sit on the couch and put a blanket over my lap and finger myself while watching television with my family and others. No one ever caught me masturbating and orgasming or said they knew what I was doing. It’s like I couldn’t get enough. Even now when I am home alone. I take off my clothes, open the curtains to my bedroom, let the sun shine on me, I fantasize, touch my body, and pleasure myself to orgasm for hours. I can go like all day enjoying myself sometimes. I was heartbroken and depressed in 7th grade when I learned what masturbation was. I actually got depressed. I think that is when orgasms started changing for me. I know this is going to sound stupid and pervie but I really get off seeing naked women in magazines like playboy and hustler. I once had my own secret collection. As I get older my sex obsession is changing. I have people my family knows who live in the mountains. When I’m there and alone I go to certain private places. I skinnydip. I lay on a blanket and sit in the sun and masturbate for sometimes an hour or two. I’m starting to worry because some of my friends realize I don’t really date. I’m even a cheerleader and I don’t really want to be with others? I think I’m obsessed with my own sex pleasure and fantasies. Am I normal or do you think I have a sex problem?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, sadly my knowledge regarding this subject is very limited. It is natural and normal to explore your own body, and be curious during your teen years, however I do not have the education regarding sex obsessions and preferences. I have done some research regarding your question (why it took so long to post a response) and you are not alone regarding your preferences to not wanting to be with others. There is a 24 hour hotline specialized in youth and adolescents called the California Youth Crisis Line (800)-843-5200, I called them myself and they are very knowledgeable and can give you more information and resources. Without talking to you directly and asking some clarifying questions I cannot give you those resources personally, however WEAVE also has a 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 that you can call at any time.

I am feeling really nervous and afraid about what goes on in Weave counseling appointments. Maybe its just me but the Weave office feels very cold, unfriendly, and clinical with the glass medical office receptions windows and nothing to read but welfare, abuse and rape-related pamphlets and one DIY magazine. The counseling room I was in was so cold and sterile too. The intake counselor was very direct where I guess because of the time it takes I felt rushed and hurried to just get out of there. I have big problems and just don’t understand why it takes weeks to get help. I don’t want to sound snooty or ungrateful but I’m just not doing too well and it hurts to feel I have to wait weeks to get a counselor. If Weave is really not set up to help some of us please just be honest and let me know so maybe I can check with other places to get some help and counseling sooner. Thank you for reaching out to us regarding concerns about your visit to our office.  We are mindful that our clients may sometimes arrive experiencing different levels of distress and our goal is to provide a safe environment while waiting to meet with a counselor.  Our triage sessions are designed to obtain an initial assessment to determine which of our services will best suit a client’s needs.  After a client is enrolled in services, there will be ample time to share issues that are the source of distress.  Our 24 Hour Support & Information Line is always available to offer support if you are feeling the need to talk to someone.  They can also provide any needed referral information. Currently, our wait lists are very low.  Please contact Monica in Client Services at 448.4982 to inquire how soon you can begin accessing counseling services.

I feel ashamed and abused. A woman approached me outside my gym and said she worked for a San Francisco model agency. She said my looks and measurements were what she wanted for a sports calendar her firm was commissioned to photograph. She gave me her card with a website to visit. I checked it out and called their agency. A woman answering the phone answered all my questions and told me she would need to have me come in alone for a photo audition. Because the pay was up to $10,000 a day I was very interested. I made an appointment and had my IDs and things they said they needed me to bring. The studio was very professional. There was a woman who did my hair and applied makeup. Another woman took care of all the paperwork including a model release for me to audition. A woman and man photographer team told me to change into a bikini I brought. They took some pictures and talked me through a video interview. The woman photographer told me she needed me to remove my top. I told her I wasn’t comfortable yet going that far. The man said to stop and send me home because I was not ready to work as a professional model. The woman photographer suggested I cover my boobs with my hands to get the pictures the man needed. I took off my top but covered my breasts. It was awkward because the man photographer left but the woman kept asking me to look sexier, put my hands down to expose my body, and smile more. The man photographer returned and said the photos were not working because I just wasn’t showing enough confidence, sexiness and playfulness. The man called a very attractive woman my age in and said he wanted her to show me how he wanted me to photograph. The woman undressed to her underclothing and started posing. The man told the woman to stand behind me and pose with her covering my breasts. It was all very terrifying because I didn’t plan to go without a top. She started caressing me and holding my boobs out and I told the photographers I was feeling a bit rushed and nervous about exposing my breasts. The man said for the woman posing with me to just take off all her clothes if I was nervous being the only one in the room without a top on. I cannot even believe I did it but I got naked because of the pressures to get the calendar work. The woman had me pose with the other model in very sexual poses. The model touched me, used her tongue, and a lot more than I want to say. I told the woman photographer I was not planning to go that far but each time the woman photographer said she would cut out the most intimate images I didn’t want shown. I did much more than I ever expected. Now I regret it all. What can I do? Was I sexually assaulted?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you had to go thru this experience and know that this is not your fault. Sexual Assault is any unwanted touching of any kind. You have a lot of options regarding this situation, WEAVE offers a lot of services that can help. If you contact our 24 hour support line we can discuss your options, or just talk at (916) 920-2952.  I know this response is not as in depth as you may wish, however some of your options are legal related and we cannot discuss legal matters on our message boards. 

Hello . I had baby by my highschool sweetheart i didn’t know he was father at the time. He got locked up and I found out he was my child father. He wanted to meet my son, the day he met him . he raped me now my son is 12 and he wanted visitation. Court gave it. How do I deal with the trauma seeing him for visits. I don’t want any contact but he has visitation. Help

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, being raped at any time in a person’s life can leave scars and mixed feelings. I am truly sorry that you are stuck in this position, and just know that none of this is your fault. Seeing a person who harmed you is never easy, and you have options. You can find a person whom you trust who can accompany your son on the visits so you don’t have to see your ex. You can report the crime and take your ex to court for custody, or you can get help with the many resources that WEAVE offers. WEAVE has counseling for victims and survivors of sexual assault, legal workshops for child custody, restraining orders, and divorce, and we also have a 24 hour support line which you can call at (916) 920-2952.  The options listed above are not your only options please feel free to contact our support line for further help.

If you are friends with someone and repeatedly have told them you just want to be friends and have told them repeatedly you don’t think of them in that way, and then when you are high on something (ecstasy and lsd), they take advantage of you, and i don’t mean forcibly, i’m sure i was willing. at the time. but sober me, is pretty repulsed by them in that way, not to sound mean, i’m just not attracted to at all. especially now. what is that considered? anything? once again i apologize for the question if it’s a dumb one. Feel free to delete if necessary. i just don’t really know where to turn. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, there is no such thing as a dumb question, especially when that question refers to confusion. An individual cannot give consent to any sexual actions when they are intoxicated from any type of alcohol or drug. This does not answer your question, however you can call the support line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your experience and find more clarity.
I went out for drinks for one of my friends birthdays and he invited another one of his friends as well. For most of the night I was good but I blacked out at one point. I had slept over my friends house which was the original plan. Recently I got a text from that friend saying that I had hooked up with his friend that night and i told him I had no memory of that. I’m also in a serious relationship so I would never want to do that to my boyfriend. I confronted the guy by messaging him and asked what happened and he said that we kissed but I stopped him and then he said he massaged my body and touched me In between my legs. He said that I was indecisive and saying “yes, no, I don’t know, stop.” He said it didn’t go further than that but I feel violated and disturbed. And I’ve been raped in the past so I know what consent is and what isn’t. I blocked my friend and the guy who did that to me because they were both telling me that i was lying that I don’t remember any of it and making me feel like it was my fault. I don’t want to press charges because I just don’t want to deal with these people ever again. I told my boyfriend and he’s been very supportive of me which I’m thankful for. Was this sexual assault? What should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel violated and disturbed, and that this is not your first experience with this topic. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact of any nature. You cannot consent to any sexual actions when you are intoxicated, and it is also not your fault that this happened to you. I am happy you have such a supportive boyfriend. If you need to discuss your options or process any feelings you may be experiencing please contact our 24/7 support and information line.

Was I raped if some guys shoved their hands down my pants? I woke up undressed so how can I know if they did anything sexual to me? I am now 30. This happened when I was 16. Now no one believes me because I didn’t tell right away. So is there any way I can prove it happened?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, Sexual Assault is any unwanted sexual contact of any nature. I am sorry that this happened to you, and that you’re not finding support in your family or friends. It is not uncommon for survivors to not reach out or tell anyone after an incident occurs. WEAVE provides many services for survivors of sexual assault. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate about these services and your future options.  


Help me please I need the program no transportation from Cleveland to u guys I want to get down there away from my family a family member raped my daughter it stays on my mind I feel hated and on top of that I lost my mom four years ago unexpectedly to cancer and,now homeless no luck on jobs
 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry to hear about the struggle you have been having with homelessness, the unexpected death of your mother, as well as the Sexual Assault that happened to your daughter. WEAVE is located in Sacramento California, if you were looking for services closer to you in Cleveland there is a Nation Sexual Assault number you can call that can give you more resources as well. There number is (800) 656-4673, however if you would like to know more about our services or need to talk, feel free to call our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

Last night my best friend slept at my home for early morning swim. I slept in my bed and she slept on my floor. We went to sleep. 2:25 my friend woke me and my family. She was yelling things like”Get Out! Get Out! You Fu@#$%! Is this what you want again? Is this all you want?” I thought there was a killer in my bedroom! My dad came running into my room! My brother came running in too! We were all jumping! When my dad turned on the light my friend was pulling down her panties! I took my bed comforter and threw it down on my friend. My friend woke up and we were all asking her if she was having a nightmare. My friend was apologizing and we were all apologizing too! My friend stopped by tonight. She said she wanted to talk. I thought she’d say it was a nightmare but she said she is meeting with a woman counselor because when she was five a boyfriend of her mom touched her. I want to know what happened but don’t want to pry. Is it appropriate to maybe later ask her what happened? She never told me and I thought we were best friends with no secrets to hide. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you that cares so much about her well being. I am very sorry that your friend was sexually assaulted in her past, however I am glad she is seeing a counselor. When an individual has been sexually assaulted sometimes it is hard to talk about what happened, especially to the people that are closest to them. Your best friend may never be able to discuss that part of her life or her inner progress with dealing with what happened to her. But by you being her best friend and being present when she told you her story, shows that you are important and she trust you. Your friend will share when she is ready. If you or your friend ever need to talk or need resources please contact our support line at (916) 920-2952.
Is it considered molestation if a guy says he didn’t hear you ask to put a condom on a starts penetration? When he says he didn’t hear me and wasn’t thinking. But, stops because I was too quiet. I feel dismissed but I don’t know what to consider this. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry that you don’t know how to label your experience. The legal definition of molestation is (the crime of sexual acts with children up to the age of 18, including touching of private parts, exposure of genitalia, taking of pornographic pictures, rape, inducement of sexual acts with the molester or with other children and variations of these acts by pedophiles. Molestation also applies to incest by a relative with a minor family member and any unwanted sexual acts with adults short of rape.) unfortunately without more information I cannot answer this question. For more information and support please contact our support line at (916) 920-2952.
I have a college classmate who works at a R.C. strip club. . .  It is understandable that you are still impacted by the trauma  you experienced as child and young adult. When you need support, you can call WEAVE’s 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. They can provide you with more information about free sexual assault counseling and other supportive resources.

i was sexually abused real harsh for years + now its like my brain is empty + dead. i cant remember daily stuff like where i put things or make appointments. im an empty soul. its like I dream all day and make up a new life in my head. i have no real friends. my bedroom is littered with trash + filth + i just don’t care. i wear the same clothes for sometimes 3 weeks. watch porn online + masturbate but cannot even orgasm (rarely) anymore + read romance novels to just feel something like at least someone is getting what they hoped in life + try to figure out on what I was supposed feel if i was ever in love. although i have normal ht. & wt. i am not pretty. i sometimes go 2 days without eating anything & i don’t even feel hungry. I stare at the tv for hours on my bed + just changing channels + thinking. i fall asleep get nightmares wake up + cry. last week my boss where i work was gone + I didn’t do a thing all week at work. just sat frozen. i think im just slipping out of reality. self destructing. is that normal for violence survivors? am i normal?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. As a survivor of sexual abuse, your reactions are normal. Everyone copes with their trauma differently, and it seems that you are unhappy with the way that you are coping with our experience. However, there are so many other healthy strategies that you can use to help you feel better when you are feeling these reactions. It can be so hard to heal from sexual abuse by yourself. WEAVE offers free counseling to survivors of sexual abuse and also has an anonymous Support line. To learn more about these services, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

Last week something happened, it wasn’t violent or anything but I’m not okay with what happened and I feel violated. Thinking about it gets me really anxious in my chest.
I was out clubbing and there was a guy I was into and wanted to hook up with. We ended up going back to his hotel and having sex, I was very drunk but still consenting, I don’t know how drunk he was. He didn’t want to wear a condom but I told him we had to and he did. The sex went for so long, hours, I wanted it to be over but he kept at it. Then it ended and all was good and I passed out naked. I woke up a few times and he was fingering me and I would push him away and say no babe because I didn’t want to have sex again. Then I woke up and he was on top of me having sex with me. And I pushed him off and got up and knew I had to leave then. He thought he was too heavy and crushing me that’s why I pushed him off. He didn’t get that fucking me while I was passed out wasn’t okay. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t know him very well and thought it was best to just leave straight away. I don’t think he used a condom because he didn’t want to wear one when we were both awake. I don’t know what else he did. I feel violated. I know I fucked him earlier, and I was into that, but then it ended, and I didn’t want to fuck him again. He knew that because I pushed him away and said no. But he did anyway while I was passed out. I don’t know how to feel. Why would he do that to me when I clearly said no more, and wait until I was unconscious to do it so I couldn’t stop him. I feel disrespected and taken advantage of.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. You have every right to feel violated and I am sorry that this happened to you. You can withdraw consent at any time, and even if you agree to some sexual acts that does not mean that you agree to all. None of this is your fault, and you are not alone. Unfortunately we may not know the reason why he did this, but we can help with your next steps. WEAVE offers free counseling for you, and you can access this by calling our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

My stepsister moved in with me, my brother and my mom. She has all kinds of problems and was running away. She is 16 and my dads new wife told her to live here because my dad doesn’t want her back in their place. My stepsister is really getting on my nerves and we are fighting but not physical. Last weekend my brother had to watch us because my mom had to go out of town. My stepsister started acting crazy and disrespectful while my mom was gone. She put an adult porn movie on our computer to watch. It freaked me out. My brother left me alone with my stepsister saying it was too weird to be watching porn with me and our stepsister. My stepsister then started masturbating and saying we should be “friends.” I feel like my stepsister is totally stupid, immature, gross, and disrespectful. I don’t know if what she is doing is sexual assault, but I am sick of her. I told my mom to send her back to her mother. I also need my own bedroom before I go insane but my mom says we need to understand my stepsister was abused a lot by guys and she is acting out. My mom did tell her she was’nt to watch porn in our home. Is there a place at Weave my stepsister could live?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your stepsister. You should not feel obligated to do things that make you uncomfortable, like watching porn. I’m glad that you talked to your mom about this. You and your stepsister can call our 24/7 Support line at 916-920-2952 to talk about what is going on and how we can help in this situation. 

How much can I sue my boss for sticking his hands inside my pants and touched my vagina

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am so sorry that you experienced this at work. We cannot provide legal information on our message boards. However, WEAVE has a Support and Information line that you can call to talk more about your situation. The phone number is 916-920-2952, and we can also discuss our legal services. 

Where can I talk to other incest survivors online? I’m not ready to talk in person but want someone to talk to.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I’m glad that you are reaching out for services, you are very brave to do so. RAINN has an online live chat service for survivors of incest. Please visit www.rainn.org

I was drugged and raped while under psychiatric care at the Kaiser mental health emergency room, in Roseville CA. I had just spent 3 days trying to escape from my mentally and physically abusive boyfriend. My mom sent me to Kaiser after his arrest because I wasn’t making sense, I begged her not to leave me there over night with the men staff surrounding my room. She left me. The men threw me baby wipes to wipe down with around 2am after I asked if I could bathe? They yelled at me they degraded me and then they finally just stormed my room strapped me down, stuck needles in my legs and arms and I thought I was dying. the male nurse started undoing his pants. I knew what he was going to do. I screamed please anything but that, please don’t rape me to. The last thing I remember was the numbness crawling all the way up my body and then my lips went cold and shriveled. I woke up briefly some 6 hours later. I thought I had jus died, I barely remember seeing my mom but she said I was badly bruised and the hospital staff told her I was fighting that’s why I was strapped down. When I woke up I could feel that someone had sex with me.  next thing I know I’m dumped off at sierra vista mental hospital wearing the same dirty scrubs, with a numbness in the right side of my head just wondering why this all had just happened to me and why was mom and family doing this to me after emerging I just went through with my boyfriend. I just wanted to go home. I spent 2 days there at sierra vista, I I knew know one was going to be believe me especially in a mental hospital. So I kept my mouth shut. Then I came home and told my mom. I sat there on the side of the bath tub naked, crying to my mom. My mom said “I was very distraught that day when I went to the hospital and sometimes people imagine things after going through extreme trauma with no sleep.” So I went a few terrible night laying there in bed going over every little detail, picturing all their faces, wondering what they could have done that entire time? Wondering why me? I layed there looking for some reason as to why I actually deserved this. one day I ran to the bathroom only to find a bloody condom I’m my panties. It had been left in me from the hospital. I dropped to the floor wrapped it It in tissue and cried. I was so concerned with people thinking I was crazy again and having to go back to Kaiser for some reason I pulled it together. My moms reaction was nothing like you would think. She didn’t want to kill them or anything. She still had the nerve to tell me maybe it was from someone else previously. Insinuating I’m some sort of sex junkie. I am 25 years old, I am an athlete and a very intelligent young woman. I found out about WEAVE somehow, I need your guys help so badly. My ex was arrested for corporal abuse on a spouse. I didn’t press charges on him the officers did after seeing my x ray. I’m still staying sober through all of this and it’s extremely hard at times. I hope that my story brings a sense of comfort to someone somewhere, your not alone if this has happened to you under medical care. I hope to meet someone who shares a similar experience that wants to hold my hand and overcome it with me…

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. You do not deserve any of the abuse that has happened to you. I’m sorry that you have not received the support that you need. You are very brave in leaving your abuser and telling your mom what happened to you. If you would like to have an evidentiary exam, you can request one without involving the police through the BEAR program. WEAVE provides many services for survivors of sexual assault. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate about these services.  

I need help. I was gang raped about 5 months ago. I’m married. I was so scared a. Could not talk to him about anything let alone that. So I kept it from him. Was so scared I didn’t call the cops. Went to the Dr. Because I thought I could be really hurt. Never told him figured he would blaim me. Well I had some counseling and I finally had the currage to tell him and he flipped. He hates me. He says I’m disgusting. He wont touch me. He says I’m a liar. He wants details I can’t even talk about right now. He’s leaving me. And he said he doesnt I is if he can stay married to me. Or not find someone new. I just wanna die. Is that normal of men? What do u do. I have NO support. And now reliving it all over being called names. I wish the would have killed me. I really do. I need help. I fell like in shock. My ptsd from before is beyond this. The e.r.gave me Xanax. Its not helping. I can just stare at the wall for hours. Realising I never slept. I forget what I’m saying and what people say in conversations. What do i do. Help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry that this happened to you, and none of this is your fault. After a sexual assault, it can be so hard to reach out for help. You are so brave in telling your partner what happened and deserve to be supported and believed. What you are experiencing can be symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome. I cannot tell you what to do, but we can provide assistance in helping you plan for your next steps in the healing process. Please call our Support Line 916-920-2952, to speak with an advocate about what services we can provide for you. You are not alone and we are here to help. 

If someone at work in a higher position than u tells u they fancy u while at work and u say no and they say ok do i need to tell my manager and have they done anything wrong?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. If you were made uncomfortable at work, it may be important that you speak with your manager about it. I’m not sure what your work policy is, but you can speak with your HR department for more information about what is considered sexual harassment in your workplace. If you would like to talk more with an advocate about this situation, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

This customer who I became friends with i think sexually assaulted me. I had prior sexual relations once about two months prior. Since then he’d come up after my shift buy me drinks and when I would go to leave always keep me at my car asking for a kiss goodbye. I admit. I did kiss him. Goodbye then he’d let me leave (move out of the way of my car). It’s was just easier. All the while ibtold him I was not looking for a relationship. 
About five days ago he showed up to my work and offered to buy me a drink. I said no I had to get home to my kids. He came over with one anyways. I drank it then he badgered me to do a shot with him. So I did one then said alright I have to go. He followed me outside. I talked to him again about not wanting a relationship… I told him I was considering giving my kids dad another chance. I said I had to get going he motioned for me to give him a hug I said no I had to get going He followed me to my car. I unlocked it got in he stood in the way of my door. Proceeded to ask me for a kiss. I said no . He proceeded to ask and ask and tell me how it would help him sleep at night. I thought maybe I could bargain a kiss on the cheek. He leanes in and grabbed my head and tried to turn it to kiss him. I kept turning away. Asking him to stop. At one point his hat fell off. And I picked it up and tries to put it on his head and send him on his way. 

(This is part of why I think it’s my fault… That and being friends with him when I knew he liked me)

I noticed his hair was really soft. And I don’t know if I was trying to change the subject from kissing or what. But I told him his hair was soft. He said touch it I did quickly then trymied to put his hat on. 

He came back for another kiss. I kept saying No i kept saying stop. I kept saying please just let me go home; I kept leaning away. At one point he told me you know you want to. He did kiss me a couple times. Finally he stood up and started going on about how he couldn’t do any right. I think I said what are you talking about. Then he leaned back in and I shoved him and said step the fuck back. He did and I shit my door and drove. 

That was Friday. Sunday I filled a police report and gave them my statement. When I have the statement it was so hard to remember details and conversation . Like the hair touching I completely forgot to put that in. 

The owner found the footage. I could only watch about thirty seconds. Before I started crying and I told him I didn’t want to watch anymore. It didn’t look that bad on tape the little I saw. The owner told me he watched it and doesn’t really see that it would help anything. (Translation I’m over reacting ) and that going to trial will be hell on me .. that they’d put me through the ropes and I don’t want thag. And that he would bar the kid and keep him away from me. (Owner used to be a cop) the bar tender there that night hasn’t said it but I know she thinks I’m over reacting. She said but you’ve hung out with him you’ve been “with” him before. My own mother told me not to file a report. My brother told me he was furious with her because she told him it was my fault and that I should have known better.

The police officer spent about 45 minutes telling me to press charges. I just wanted something on record Incase it happened again or a restraining order. ( I had a one time thing with the same kid five years prior and according to him he has been waiting for me to be single again since then. I’m wondering if I mistook shy as unstable. )
And my memory of little details is so bad. I’m afraid something won’t match up and I’ll be called a liar. 

Am I over reacting is it my fault? He didn’t actually hurt me. I know everyone thinks I’m probably some sort of tease or lying or something

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am sorry that this guy did not respect your choice when you said no to his actions. It doesn’t matter what you did consent to before, if at any point you say no or feel uncomfortable with anything he is doing then he should stop. None of this is your fault and you do not deserve to be treated this way.WEAVE offers free counseling and legal assistance.  Please contact our Support line 916-920-2952 to talk about what options you have. Remember you are not alone and we are here to help. 

Edited for length: A few months ago, I started casually hooking up with one of my roommate’s friends. The first few times we hooked up were great, he was very nice and attentive and even sweet, but then he started assuming that every time he came up to visit that he would be sleeping in my room and thus getting laid, and I was uncomfortable with that, so one night I told him ‘no’ when I walked into my bedroom and he was waiting for me. We’d both been drinking (him much more than I, which was typical), but he was polite and left my room for the couch. He texted me three times the next morning asking for morning sex, but I pretended to sleep through them and didn’t respond. The next time he came over for a bonfire, and I was sick with a 102 fever, so I took a bunch of cold medicine and didn’t drink any alcohol, but sat around the fire with everyone and drank ginger ale. He drank a lot of beer and then vodka, which he had a tendency to do at our house. At one point he started giving me a foot rub, which felt good and relaxing, and he offered to give me a massage, which also sounded good because I was achey, and he clearly said, “That doesn’t mean we need to have sex.” So I agreed and we went to my bedroom, but instead of the massage he began kissing me and nuzzling. He’d also taken off all his clothes “because he always sleeps naked.” I told him no multiple times, and one point asked him, “Do you think I’m making up being sick? No.” He’d stop and I’d relax a little, but then he’d start up again. He said, “I’ll do all the work.” I tried ‘no’ a few more times, but eventually just let him have sex with me while I laid there. I didn’t tell him yes, I just stopped saying no. When he was done I rolled over and went to sleep. And then I woke up to him grabbing my breasts, then propping himself above me and getting ready to penetrate. I didn’t wake up fully, I think because of the night-time cold meds, and when I woke up enough to realize what was going on he was already pretty much done. He ejaculated inside me, no condom, and rolled off and went to sleep. I had difficulty sleeping after that and finally told him he needed to go sleep in the other room, and he stayed out on the couch the rest of the night. I avoided him most of the next morning until he left. We didn’t talk about it. I haven’t spoken to him since. I don’t know if what happened is sexual assault. I know what I would tell another woman in my position, but now that it’s ME in this position I feel like it’s my fault because I acquiesced to sex the first time that night, and I didn’t do anything to stop him the second time. I feel like if I were confront him about it, he would tell me I’d given consent and I’m just overreacting. My roommate is annoyed with him for not dating me, since she wants us to be a couple so badly, but I feel like I can’t tell her what he did because she has a tendency to victim-blame, calling girls who get drunk and raped “sluts” and other derogatory names. The only person I’ve told is a colleague, who asked if the guy (they’d met at one of our bonfires) was my roommate’s or my boyfriend, and it just came out, I told him the bulk of what happened, and the look my colleague gave me was very sad and took me by surprise. I began to realize that what happened was really not okay, not just that I was uncomfortable with it. But I’m still battling this strong denial and I can’t help but feel that it is my fault, that I’m overreacting, and I can’t tell my roommate or confront the guy. I’m afraid to ask my roommate to not invite him to anymore of our gatherings because they’re such good friends. Was I assaulted?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. From what you have described, you were sexually assaulted. I am so sorry that he did this to you after you had told him no multiple times. You also cannot give consent if you are unconscious (asleep) or intoxicated. None of this is your fault, and it doesn’t matter if you were drinking or if you had said yes in the beginning. You can withdraw consent at any time. Your reactions are normal and you are not overreacting to this situation. WEAVE can provide support for you; we offer free counseling and other services. Please call our Support Line 916-920-2952 to speak with an experienced advocate and learn more about our services. 

I’m male. Is there any program WEAVE has to help male victims or do I have to sit with a bunch of girls/women? I was 14 when it started with a man.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We do offer individual counseling for survivors of sexual assault for free. To learn more about this counseling and how to get started, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I was asleep on a couch when a guy came up to the side of the couch, kneeling and began to touch me, really gently. First it was my face, then down my body, to my feet. I had been asleep, but woke up when the touching began, but pretended to still be asleep as he did because I was afraid and didn’t know what else to do. He then put his hand over my crotch. His hands were over my pants still. This is when I “woke up” from my pretend sleep and said what the hell? He threw himself to the floor and laid down completely still and quietly, I rolled over and pretended to go back to sleep. He went down to the basement, so I ran upstairs quickly to tell my sister. Was this sexual assault? What do I call it? I know his touches were gentle, but they were unwanted and really creepy. I felt very uncomfortable and did not want any of it to occur. This was over a year ago and it still bothers me.

What you experienced was sexual assault as you did not consent to this touching. Also if you are unconscious (asleep, intoxicated, etc), then you are unable to give consent. It is understandable to feel uncomfortable about this, even if it was gentle touching. Sometimes a situation like this can bother you for a while. If you would like to talk with a confidential advocate, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

This is kind of complicated… My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. During which time she has been completely faithful. With the exception of this year. We hit a rough patch and weren’t spending almost any time together, to the point where we almost felt like roommates who kiss, make love, or occasionally sleep next to each other. Rather recently (a month ago) we moved past it and rekindled our flame even stronger than it was before. But she confessed to making out with and fondling a male coworker who gave her rides home when she told me she was with a female friend. She had some pretty vulgar sexual conversations online with 2 other men, including sending nude photographs. It was so hard to stay with her but I knew that we were both to blame for the way our relationship was and she felt like I no longer cared for her. Anyway, so the two of us have been getting tattoos at the same shop, and going in together. The owner of the shop has always made me extremely uncomfortable with the way he looks at her. He’s always trying to get a hug from her, etc. Very creepy, unprofessional way of behaving and talking to her. So the first time we went in, I sat with her while she got worked on, and he kept making comments about her breasts, etc. My sister, who was watching our 2 kids, called and said I had to come get them early. I really didn’t like this. It was a closed day for the shop, all the lights weren’t even on, and he’d come in on his off day just to do this tattoo. I hurried to get the kids, but had some errands to do, so it still took a while. When I finally picked her up, I had a really bad feeling. The tattoo artist made a comment when I asked my fiance for a cigarette, and I said she almost smoked the whole pack. He said “Well at least you know what she was doing the whole time”. The next time she went to get tattooed she asked to take my pocket knife with her for protection, but she still told me nothing happened, he was a nice guy, and I needn’t worry. After that she wanted me there at all times she was around him. The signs were all there but she wouldn’t say that anything happened. Finally last night after she and I had a date, she told me in the car, that when we first went in (3 weeks ago or so), and I had to leave, he kept getting erect at the noises she was making from her tattoo pain, and ” readjusting” himself. He kept making comments about how nice her fits looked with her new sexy tattoo. Kept touching his penis and readjusting. Then during the last half hour of the tattoo, he stood up to work on her chest and placed his erection on her forearm and kept it pressed against her for the roughly half hour he was tattooing, while repeatedly telling her how nice her fits looked and how sexy her tattoo looked. When they were done, and I showed up, I checked on her and then walked out to the car, thinking she was right behind me, but she was still in there finishing her paperwork. She later told me that while I was turned around he hugged her and she could feel the erection, and he slapped her butt, hard, on her way out the door. At first I was furious that she didn’t call me or tell him no or walk out. But she told me that in her head she hated every second, it felt horrible, degrading, and violating, and wanted to kick, push him off, or scream no, but the words wouldn’t come out. She said all she could think the whole time is “I already paid him and he might mess up my tattoo, or refuse to finish it and not refund my Money. I want to get this finished, and if I tell my fiance, he won’t let me come in here anymore.” She said that she nervously laughed at each thing he was doing to her, and the guy took it as consent or encouragement. She waited weeks to tell me, and up until then we have still been going to the shop and being around him. The guy has been begging me not to tell anyone, most of all his wife. My fiance feels terrible, for not telling him no, and hiding it from me, and I’m caught up in feeling… Lost. Confused. She was already unfaithful to me, and I just got over it, and this just ripped all the old wounds open even worse. Her past infidelity leaves me confused about this. What if she is just saying she felt bad or didn’t want him to so that I don’t leave her? Do you consider what happened to her a form of sexual assault? I really do want to believe her. The guy is a complete pervert with any woman who comes in, and is very unprofessional. He is the type to force himself like that, or at least push boundaries.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Although there was no sexual intercourse, your fiancée has been sexually assaulted by this tattoo artist. If she was made uncomfortable at any point and did not say yes to him, then she never gave any consent. There are many reasons why your fiancée may not want to tell you about it right away, and many times survivors of sexual assault blame themselves for what happened. What you are feeling about this is also a natural reaction to what you are experiencing with her. If you would like to talk more about this with an advocate, or access our counseling services, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

Hello, 

I experienced a a confusing sexual event a few years ago when I was a teenager and i’m still not entirely sure how to talk about it or even feel about it. When I was 17, my boyfriend and I were kissing. He told me that he wanted to have sex and I repeatedly told him no, he wouldn’t stop kissing me or get off of me so I eventually said okay to appease him. When he started to have sex with me I froze up and I remember having an outer body experience, disassociating to try to detach myself from what was happening. When it was over, my boyfriend cried profusely and started saying things like he was a bad person and that he felt terrible. I comforted him afterwards and apologized for not being more into it. Years later, I now realize that I shouldn’t have had to apologize or comfort him, but i’m not sure what to make of that event. Was it coercion? He didn’t penetrate me until I said “ok”. Was it sexual assault because I repeatedly said no? Was it rape? After all, he didn’t intimidate me, he just wouldn’t leave me alone. Sorry, i’m just not sure how to feel about any of it and could really use some advice. Thanks in advance.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE.  Because you said no, this is considered sexual assault. You were pressured into having sex with your boyfriend because you had already let him know that this is not something you wanted to do. Another sign that this was not consensual is that you did not enjoy it and tried to detach yourself from the experience. It’s okay to feel confused about this experience and for it to continue to cause issues in your life even though it has been a few years. I think it would be beneficial to talk with a counselor about this. WEAVE offers free counseling to survivors of sexual assault; please call our Support Line 916-920-2952 for more information. 

Do you provide any services to help sexual abuse prisoner/stalked and torture survivors? My life is a secret mess.

Please don’t tell me to call your hotline to speak to a WEAVE volunteer counselor. I did that years ago and it went nowhere. Are there classes or programs offered at WEAVE for me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, you are very brave to reach out for help. We do offer free counseling sessions to survivors of sexual assault. To access this counseling, you would first need to attend our free triage assessment. We have triage at different hours every week at two locations in Sacramento. I’m sorry that your experience with our Support Line was not beneficial in the past. There have been many changes to our programs recently, so I would encourage you to call our Support Line 916-920-2952 to find the times and addresses for the triage assessments. Your situation can be very difficult to handle alone, and we are here to help. 

I met this guy at a party, we were fooling around at the party and I told him we couldn’t have sex without a condom, he agreed and used his fingers. Later that night he slept over, for whatever reason I felt more OK with it then so I told him we should go ahead and do it but he said I was right the first time to not. I called him up later, I blacked out part of the night and wanted to make sure what had happened, he told me after that he’d started fingering me again after we talked about maybe having sex for the second time to make up for it not happening, and then at some point he’d realized I’d fallen asleep and stopped. I remember all of the parts I mentioned, but don’t remember him even starting the second time. We were both pretty drunk, like I said I blacked out partly, I know this because my friend says I got in a yelling fight with this girl at the party and I don’t even remember. Was this assault, though? Thank you for your questions. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact of any nature. It seems like you consented to part of this sexual activity, but maybe not all of it. It’s great that you communicated your boundaries, and you are able to withdraw consent at any time. However if you are incapacitated or unconscious you cannot give consent. If you would like to talk more about your situation or have more questions, you can call our Support Line to talk with an advocate 916-920-2952. 

I’m 15 and was at a party at my guy friend’s house. I had wayyy too much to drink very early on. The party was outside, but we moved inside when it started raining. I passed out on a couch and remember nothing after that. My friend who was in the same room with her boyfriend said that the boy who was hosting the party was laying next to me and stuck his hand down my pants and looked like he was fingering me. I almost don’t believe her because I find it impossible that I wouldn’t wake up. I don’t feel justified in really blaming him if it’s true, considering he was pretty drunk and I shouldn’t have been in the state I was to begin with. But I definitely wouldn’t have felt comfortable with the situation if I were concious. I simply want to know if I was in fact fingered. Is there any way to find out for sure?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your experience. It can be very confusing to not remember or know for sure if you were sexually assaulted. Depending on how recent the incident was, you can see a medical provider and they may be able to help you find out what happened. You can also have an evidentiary exam done if you would like. To learn more about these exams, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I was drinking at a bar, I remember drinking. I remember leaving and talking to the person I was with. I remember turning toward him and everything goes black. I remember the car door opening and he picked me up out of the car… Do not know where we were at.. then don’t remember a period of time. I then remember him placing his hand over my mouth and saying shhh but know I was moaning.. then again everything goes black. I remember him waking up but I was completely dressed… I remember him walking me to the door and my legs felt very heavy… then everything goes black… I know he took me to my car but don’t really remember the drive home. I didn’t realize that we had sex until I woke up and was late for work. I went to the bathroom and I had no underwear on. I started to ask him questions. He stated that I was having full conversations with him. I fell and he had to carry me… He states that he undressed me and undressed me.. States that he had to help me go to the bathroom. He said that I was the aggressor and that I asked him to have sex with me. He said we had sex for hours went into details about things we did and remember nothing. He says I wanted him to take naked pictures of me and he has pictures of us having sex. I don’t remember .He says I consented. was this a alcohol black out.. was this sexual assault. I am not pressing charges either way.. I just want to know for myself. My best friend is making me feel it is because of my poor decisions is why this occurred.. I just want to remember the thing I want to forget the most. I don’t want to blame anyone for anything.. I just need a piece of mind for me.. thank you

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am so sorry that you were sexually assaulted. You cannot consent when you are intoxicated, and it is also not your fault that this happened to you. The person who did this to you made the decision to have sex with you when he was aware that you were intoxicated. None of your actions caused this to happen to you. WEAVE has free counseling for survivors of sexual assault and this might be beneficial for you. If you are interested in this program, or just want to talk about what happened with an advocate, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

If a guy touches and grabs your breast ABOVE the shirt, is it considered sexual assault? When I was 16, I liked this guy. We had message a lot on Facebook and we decided to hang out. I wanted to see a movie and hang out however, he decided to change the plans last minute and go to the orange groves and then to a park. I was uncomfortable with this for many reasons but I told him that it was fine. You see, I was uncomfortable because I had heard many rumors about this guy and what he had done. People told me that he made girls do things with him,etc. and many people thought he was creepy. But, I decided to go. Before the “date” I told him that if he did kiss me, he couldn’t touch my boobs. (He asked me if I would be uncomfortable with him touching me anywhere. That was my answer). I wanted to cancel the date because I was really nervous and actually kind of scared. But, I knew my mom would’ve been disappointed, so I went. We got to the orange groves and I had decided that I didn’t want to kiss him. But he kept trying. I kept telling him no but because he kept trying, I did it anyway. I knew he wasn’t going to listen. So we kissed. A lot. After that, we went to the park. It was dark out by then. But we didn’t get out of the car. He told me that we would just sit in the backseat. I thought this was weird but I did it anyway. We were sitting next to each other and he had his arm around me. But he kept touching my stomach. I’m really insecure so I felt very uncomfortable. I kissed him just so he would stop. It turned into making out. Then he touched my breast (it was over the shirt) and you know…like…squeezed it…. Ew. I don’t like talking about this. Sorry. Anyway, I said, “No.” And he kept doing it. So I said “Stop.” But he said “Why not? Please?” I kept telling him no and after about 2 minutes, he stopped. I asked him to take me home. Then he said to me, “Do you feel bad?” I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the ride home. So, is that considered sexual assault. 
P.S. I heard the laws for this are different in each state So, I live in Arizona.
P.P.S. This was my first kiss. I haven’t kissed anyone since then.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Sexual assault is any touching or sexual acts that you do not consent to or that make you uncomfortable. It seems like there were multiple moments with this person that you did not feel comfortable with and actually did say no. I’m sorry that you felt pressured to do things you did not want to do. It might be important that you seek some professional help in your area. Please contact (800) 799-SAFE (7233) to find a local hotline in Arizona that can talk with you about your experience. You can also call our Support Line in Sacramento, CA 916-920-2952.

Does it count as sexual abuse??

Hi. I am a 17 year old girl, and have a question I’ve really wanted to ask but have never had a way to. I’ve never told anyone. When I was like 7, my older brother (12) used to do things to me, and I didn’t know what any of it was at the time. My question is, does that even count as being molested?? I know it is when an adult does it, but he was only 5 years older than me. I don’t know if it’s related but I’ve always had issues with being way too emotional and kind of have trouble thinking before I do things, so I end up regretting a lot of things. I’ve thought about seeing a counselor before like when I get really depressed and self harm, but that’s always over within a couple hours so no point. Sorry it’s all mixed up and hard to follow. thanks !!

Thank you for asking these important questions. Although your brother was not an adult, if he did things to you that were of a sexual nature, it is still considered sexual assault.  This can be a confusing situation and also really hard to handle on your own. Feeling depressed can be a normal reaction to this experience you had. Although the negative feelings might only last a few hours, it is important to have them addressed so that they can happen less frequently and you can use some healthy coping strategies. WEAVE offers free counseling for survivors of sexual assault. If you are interested in this program, please call our Support line at 916-920-2952.
I was 15 at the time, and feeling sick one night and I was looking for my mom for meds, but my step-dad was the only one awake to give them to me. I started walking to my room afterwards, but he said I could sleep in the living room, on the futon and he’d be there just watching television in case I got up. Well, I had fallen asleep, but several hours later, woke up to him squeezing my butt and putting his hands down my pants. My mom was downstairs sleeping and my baby sisters were in their bedroom next door. I didn’t really move and I tried to pretend I was still asleep, like it wasn’t really happening. I didn’t actually say no, and what haunts me more is that I was kind of aroused, so does that mean that it wasn’t really sexual assault? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. As you were a minor in this situation, legally you were unable to give consent. Also, if this was unwanted contact then it would be considered sexual assault, despite your body’s physical reactions. It’s okay to feel confused about this experience. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk about this more with an advocate. 

My friend was sexually assaulted in Missouri, I live in California but I told her I would find out what she can do for her. How can I help her? I am NOT going to report this without her consent I am just finding out information for her and I’m going to tell her what I find out. 

Additional She is 18+ but her attacker is underage.

Thank you for advocating for your friend. Has she had medical assistance? The first thing you would want to do is encourage her to see a medical professional. You can also refer her to the National Sexual Assault hotline at 1-800-656-4673. They can help her find local Sexual Assault centers that can provide services to her in her area. You can also call this number to request SA centers information, or you can call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 and we can assist in finding you more specific resources for your friend. 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. The first few months together we had sex regularly. It was fun and we were both having a good time. Then somewhere down the line (maybe 6 months after we started dating) we didn’t have sex as much. It was me, I wasn’t ever in the mood anymore and I didn’t know why. Sometimes if i’m laying on the bed my boyfriend would pull my pants off and play around with my private parts and I just don’t like that. Sometimes if we were playing, wrestling or i’m tickling his feet or something he grabs me and holds me down and tries to fondle me. If I say I don’t like it he would say, “I’m just playing.” like that makes it alright. He’s very sensitive and its hard to bring this up without making him upset or seem like a bad guy. I just don’t think he understands what it feels like to be held down, not being able to move and to be touched when you don’t want to be touched. He thinks our sexual problems have to do with me not being more open or experimental. I feel sexually closed off because when he tries to touch me near a private area my body involuntarily cringes in defense and he sees me do this. Even if he is just coming to hug me sometimes my body just acts on its own. I know it hurts him but he doesn’t understand and i’m not sure how to talk to him about sexual assault. I know i’m going to hurt his feelings when we have our big talk but i’m just not sure how to approach the subject.

It really boils down to him not understanding my feelings. His mentality is (for example) if someone has an irrational fear, something they shouldn’t be afraid of at all he thinks is that they should just get over it. It’s that simple, at least in his mind.

I really love him and I want this to work between us. I WANT to have a sexual relationship with him again. I WANT to WANT it. I think i’m just not sexually comfortable around him and its really hard.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about you situation. Its not your fault that your relationship has changed and that you do not feel the same way about sex that you did before. Have you thought about talking with a counselor about these issues to find the cause? This might help you find a way to communicate you feelings with your boyfriend. WEAVE has a counseling program that can help.If you are interested in learning more about our services, please call our Support Line 916-920-2952.

For the woman who sent the message saying she and children are being held against their will and do not have a safe way to contact the police. Please send a new message through this message board with your address and city and we can notify the police. Your message will not post publicly and is only seen by our staff. 

 

I was asleep and intoxicated. Someone who I thought was my friend pulled my pants down and inserted his fingers into me. I did not consent to this. I don’t even think I would of been able to even if I was awake because I was so intoxicated. But I don’t know if it was sexual assault because from what I remember, when he was trying to push himself into me, I touched him and I did not try to get up and leave. I didn’t want to have sex with him or have any kind of sexual relationship, but I didn’t push him away either. I don’t believe I would of been physically harmed had I pushed him away. I was just really drunk and didn’t even fully realize what was going on for some time. 
I’m just confused if this is considered sexual assault?

Your questions are very important and it’s okay to be confused about your situation. If you were intoxicated or asleep, you are unable to give consent. This is sexual assault even if you didn’t push him away. You knew you did not want to have sex or any kind of sexual relationship, and he should not have taken advantage of you when you were unconscious. You can talk with an advocate anonymously by calling our Support Line. We can answer your questions and provide you with some support. Our phone number is 916-920-2952. 

I decided I wanted to divorce my husband before I told him (and brought it up a few times years back). I told him November 2014. We separated within the marital home. I asked him if he wanted the bedroom or the basement, he took the basement. Long story short, I was peeing and he came in my separate marital bathroom, pulled down his pants, stuck his penis in my face and was like don’t you want this. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t so I pushed him off of me and took my kids and left. I returned home later that night and locked my door.

I have more to provide and talking tonight about this issue and power and control issues I have dealt with for years

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Getting a divorce or leaving a relationship can be difficult. I’m sorry that he sexually assaulted you after you made it clear that you did not want to be with him anymore. Do you have somewhere else you may be able to stay? Please contact our confidential Support Line (916-920-2952) if you would like to discuss this issue further with us. 

Is it sexual harassment if i say to a coworker i wish that she didnt have a boyfriend. It doesnt seem like it to me

Without more information, it is hard to say whether this is sexual harassment or not. It is important to respect other’s personal boundaries, and communicate those as well. Maybe you can meet with your HR department to see what they might define as sexual harassment. 

When i was 12, my stepdad started showing me r-rated films that my mom didn’t approve of because they had sexual themes. My mum would always turn in early and my stepdad would scooch closer to me on the couch. He would then oift my shirt up halfway and rub my back as gestured and implied for me to lean in. Throughout the next day, he would proceed to send me pictures of animals having sex and dirty jokes. He also had erectile dysfunction, so maybe this was all he could do? This cycle continued until my mom broke up with him. My question is, was I sexually abused?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with this question. It seems like your stepdad made you feel uncomfortable and showed you things that were not appropriate for your age at the time. Legally, children under 18 cannot give consent to any sexual activity so this can be considered sexual abuse. Have you talked with anyone about your experience as a child? It may be important to seek counseling to work through your questions and feelings that have come up. WEAVE offers free counseling to survivors of sexual assault and abuse. If you would like to learn more, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

Last night me and my friend got black out drunk at a party. We literally had tons of people having to help us down the hill and into the cars. I puked so many times on our way back to our friends house. My male friend kept grabbing me and i was laying on him in the car because i felt really sick and he kept kissing me. I didnt want him to at all but i didnt say anything. When we got to his house i puked more and he stayed in the bathroom with me to help. We finally got into bed and he started kissing my neck and feeling me all over. I didnt want him to at all .. I still feel so violated too. I dont remember much but i did finally tell him to stop before he tried to do more. I didnt want him touching me at all. Now when i think about it i cringe. Am i just over reacting? Is it sexual assault even though he finally stopped and didnt try anything else?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. This is considered sexual assault, as you are unable to give consent when you are intoxicated. You also did not tell him that you wanted him to touch you. You are not overreacting and it is understandable that you feel violated and want to cringe when you think about this. Have you talked with anyone about this? WEAVE has a Support Line that you can call to talk with an advocate about what happened. Please call 916-920-2952 and we can also give you information about our other programs and services. 

Hi I asked a question about couple of days ago and I haven’t gotten a response yet so I’m hoping I’ll get one back soon but if not. My question was that I was rapped when i was 17 by a couple of guys at the same time I was drinking but I think they put something in my drink. I know that a lot of people say it’s not the rapped victims fault if they where drinking. I feal that I might have been able to stop it. My question is now I’m 30 and I just started to get flashbacks I don’t know why it took so long for it to happen and I don’t know what to do and I really haven’t told anyone either can you give me some advice?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. After being raped, you may have instant trauma reactions or it may take years for these reactions to occur. Even if you think you might have been able to stop it, you do not deserve to be raped and it is not your fault. Flashbacks are a common occurrence for someone that has experienced rape, even if it happened years ago. I think that you would benefit from some sexual assault counseling. WEAVE offers free counseling to survivors of sexual assault. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 for more information. Remember that you are not alone, and we are here to help. 
Im a single mother of 3 children. The youngest childs father is trying to keep me from moving even though i have message proof of him saying we can leave. Today he came over to visit her and refused to pay child support and started to degrade me as a mother so i told him to leave. He refused so i said id call the police if he did not. He then through my 6 month old daughter at me and then walked to the door yelled at me and then slammed the door. 
I should add that he sexually assulted me which resukted in having my daughter. Yes i went to police they told me to dismiss the case cos i wouldnt win as it was a year later and i only went cos he wanted custody of her
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You are a courageous mother to go through this all for your family. I am sorry that you were sexually assaulted and the police were not helpful. WEAVE offers free counseling to survivors of sexual assault. We also have a legal department that may be able to help. Please call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 to learn more about our programs. 
Q: [edited for content] While at court for a traffic violation, I was searched by an officer and was shocked when he grabbed my penis. I want to sue him for sexual assault. Do I have a case?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about this issue. I’m sorry that you were assaulted by an officer. WEAVE has a legal department that you can contact for legal advice in this situation. To learn more information about our Legal Department, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

A teacher at my son’s school as said that it’s sexual assault if my son of 11 has pulled another 11 year old boys shorts down for fun is this right

Without more information, it is difficult to say whether this is sexual assault or not. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual contact. With children they may not understand the meaning of their actions. It might be beneficial to talk to your son about what caused his behavior and why it is not appropriate in this situation. 

Umm so this happened a few years ago but my uncle like to get drunk a lot and one night while I was staying at my grandma’s he was really drunk and trying to leave the house to start a fight with the neighbors at 3 in the morning and I stopped him from going outside. I was really scared and nervous he would do something so I pulled him into the kitchen and blocked him from leaving and he started hugging me really close and breathing in my hair he was telling me how beautiful I was and he loved me and he started running his hands up and down my back and he started to squeeze my butt. I was wearing shorts and he slipped his hand in the back of my shorts he kept squeezing and rubbing me up against him and whispering things in my ear. I didnt know what to do so I just let him continue with what he was doing for 5 minuteshe keep asking me to go downstairs and sleep with him but i told him I had to go to sleep so he let me go he keep whispering to me to go with him but I said no I had to sleep after a while he went away. After laying in my bed I realized how scared I was but also that I got aroused but I don’t know why i didn’t go to sleep until the sun came up because I was making sure he was sleep and wasn’t gonna come back. The next morning he begged me to forgive him and I said that it was OK ever since our relationship has never been quite the same in that I don’t wanna be alone with him ever again even though I know it won’t happen again I think that he has forgot it but it still haunts me and I think about it a lot but I don’t know if what he did was really wrong or if I’m just over reacting can you please tell me what it was that happened I haven’t told anyone because I’m confused

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Any type of unwanted sexual contact is considered sexual assault. If he made you feel uncomfortable and this is continuing to haunt you then it was wrong for him to do. It is normal to feel confused and be unable to sleep after experiencing this. WEAVE offers counseling and it might be a good idea to talk with a specialized counselor about your feelings. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more about counseling. 

I once told my husband I would never deny him sexually. In the middle of a cancer scare with pain and bleeding, I made him promise to leave me alone in that sense. He did not. I would wake up with him on top of me. Is that assault?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. What you are describing is sexual assault. Although you previously consented to sex, you can withdraw consent at any time. If you are asleep or unconscious, you cannot consent . It is normal to feel confused and have questions about this. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions to people who have experienced sexual assault. We can help you work through your questions and concerns about this situation. Please contact our support line for more information at 916-920-2952

Not sure if this is sexual assault or harassment. Something has happened to me years ago at work confused, and afraid to say anything. I have tried to block it out, which somewhat works but I think I’ve been holding up somewhat. I feel I was taking advantage of. I’ve never told anyone, kind of keeping it a secret. But I think this person just can’t not walk by me without touching me in someway. This person is my supervisor.

Hello and thank you for contacting WEAVE. Without more details it is hard to say whether you are experiencing sexual assault or sexual harassment. Either way you are not consenting to this and should not feel uncomfortable at work. Is there someone above this person that you can report to? Possibly your HR department? You can call our Support Line to talk more about your situation and what options you might have. 916-920-2952.

A few months ago my brother came into my room while I was sleeping and pressed himself against me which awoke me and started asking me questions like “Do you like me?” and “Do you like this?” when I told him no, I only want to sleep he left but I was very shook up. I never told my family only a close friend. What do I do?

I was underage at the time and he was 18
Thank you for contacting us. Your brother’s behavior is concerning and seems like it made you uncomfortable. It might help if you talked with a counselor about your experience. You can start by calling our 24 hour support line at 916-9290-2952, and we can talk about what options you might have.
 When I was 13, I was taken advantage of by older guy who was 18 at the time. He sexually assaulted me and made do unspeakable things. I went to the police and he did get charged but since then I’ve been haunted by those memories and I believe in a way this experience lead to poor lifestyle changes. Well 15 years later, I decided maybe I could get closure from this dramatic incident. However when I contacted him, he made it look as if I was harassing him even though I just wanted to know if he was sorry for what he did and in a sociopathic way he said he has nothing to apology for and that he paid his dues. What’s worse is after talking to him; he posted on his Facebook that I was harassing him and that I’m trying to talk to his friends and ruin his life, and that is not the case. Anyways he made seem crazy and of course on Facebook people were contributing to the hate speech. I’m just wondering if I made the wrong choice in trying to find closure and peace of mind? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It is very normal to have unresolved feelings from a sexual assault – even years later. Wanting to have closure and peace of mind is a perfectly valid wish and desire and something you deserve. Unfortunately, we never know how other people are going to respond. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk with a counselor during times like these and explore options. If you’re in Sacramento, please feel free to reach out to our Support & Information line to learn more about our counseling services if interested.
I have been forced to do sexual things with my adopted father that I don’t want to do. I have refused before, but when I do he gets really angry and takes it out on me especially but also my sister and my adopted mother for weeks following. He imposes his will upon me saying that he works for the money to feed me and care for me and says that I owe him the sexual favors because of that. He makes me feel guilty and humiliated into doing the sexual things. He keeps harassing me until i give in and do what he wants. He has not yet actually forced me into vaginal sex just fondling and oral sex both ways but he has tried before. Despite all this I still love him but as his daughter nothing else. I don’t want to tell my mom mostly because I am afraid she won’t believe me but also because if she does I know she will be devastated and my dad will go to jail. It’s the same reason I can’t tell anyone else. I don’t want him to go to jail or to destroy my parents marriage I only want the abuse to stop. Unfortunately he convinces my mom to leave me alone with him as we live in an rv away from our real home for his job and someone has to go to check on our house and such and he tells her to take my sister and go leaving me alone with him. I cannot tell her why I don’t want to stay alone with him. I cannot get away because I am a minor at 17 still in high school and I have nowhere to go. I cannot tell him ‘no’ for fear of the consequences. I cannot call the police because he would be sent to prison and that is assuming they believe me. I’m so trapped in this cage that is my life and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I keep saying one more year then I’m off to college just one more year but even that’s too long to wait to escape this and with the way my grades have been dropping I don’t know if that’s still an opportunity. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for help. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You do not deserve any of this and none of it is your fault. I know it can be very hard to tell anyone about what is happening or to report on someone you care about. You can always call our Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952 anonymously and speak with a trained advocate about your situation. We can talk you through what your options are and help you make a decision about what your next step will be.
Q: I am having a very intense emotional reaction to a sexual experience I had over a year ago and don’t know what to do, how to categorize what happened and am just feeling really lost. Last year I had been on a few dates with a guy. We’d had sex and I’d stayed at his place on the date prior, but I remember feeling that he was really pushy about it and that normally I would have waited longer, but I was drunk and oh well. Then we had our third date, and I wasn’t really sure I was into it, but got fairly drunk at the bar. He wanted me to come over, I said no and that I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. He insisted saying it’d just be for an episode of this TV show we were both into and we could just sleep, so I said sure but only if he understood that it’d literally only be for an episode and sleep – no sex. I specifically said that I didn’t want to have sex that night and was really blunt about it. He assured me that if I came over it’d be purely non-sexual, so despite my better judgment I went over. Almost immediately I fell asleep – I was exhausted – but then I woke up to him taking off my clothes and trying to have sex with me. In the moment I remember feeling confused and frustrated, but ultimately I just gave in because it was easier than fighting him about it and it was practically already happening. Afterwards he fell asleep and I fitfully tried to sleep as well, but couldn’t. I left very early the next morning without waking him up and felt really uncomfortable about it, but I just decided to forget about it, end the relationship and move on. That day I was heading home for a vacation with my family that I was really looking forward to and was able to just focus on that instead. I very successfully forgot about the whole thing until this week when I was chatting to some friends about the gray area around consent in light of everything in the news surround rape, consent and sexual abuse. I suddenly remembered everything and put the “hypothetical” circumstance into the discussion, they said it was rape since I’d clearly said no, he’d agreed and then had started anyway when I was asleep – but is it rape if I gave in? I didn’t fight him, he wasn’t inside of me yet when I woke up (although it wasn’t far off), it wasn’t violent, and if I’d been forceful and said no again he may have stopped, but I was too drunk/tired to try so instead I chose to participate and have sex like normal. I have not thought about it for over a year, but suddenly now I’m having all the physical/emotional/mental reactions that I probably should have had when it happened. I can’t concentrate and am having breakdowns at work and random times. What is happening? Is this normal? What would you call this thing that happened? Rape? Sexual assault? Just a bad judgment call? How can it be affecting me so much now when I didn’t react strongly at the time and was able to practically forget about it for a full year? Any guidance would be really helpful, I’m feeling really lost, emotionally raw and confused. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. Recent news about sexual assault in the media could definitely trigger you if you have had a similar experience. You are unable to give consent if you are too intoxicated or if you are asleep. In this situation you already had told him ahead of time that you did not give consent to sex, what happened to you is considered rape and falls under sexual assault. It is normal to have reactions after the assault, even if they do not occur right away. Everyone copes with this differently, so trying to forget about it can be a way to deal with what happened. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions to survivors of sexual assault, with counselors who specialize in that area. We also have a 24/7 Support Line (916-920-2952) that you can call and talk about what you are going through. You are not alone, and we are here to help.
My fiance’s grandfather has become violent. He has tried breaking into my fiance’s mother’s home, attacking my fiance when I was not around, sexually assaulted a friend of my fiance’s. The cop called in for the assault on my fiance but nothing else. He is older in late 60s please help he has been also been abusive to my family’s horses beating them. 

Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger and for emergency response. For additional support please call us 24/7: 916-920-2952. WEAVE offers case management, counseling, emergency safe house, and legal services. I hope you and your family can be connected to helpful resources and gain assistance with safety planning.

I don’t know what to do – I have tried to protect my children from being embarrassed or upset – my husband abused me sexually and emotionally for years until I finally had the courage to get him out of the house – I have tried to not hurt his family by telling them and have only told my sister as I know my brothers well I actually don’t want to think about what they wld do – I have tried so very hard to protect so many people but my whole soul is being destroyed and now he has bought a house at the bottom of my street and I now feel every single emotion all over again every single day – I can’t sleep I am having nightmares what can I do.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. If you are in the Sacramento area, we may be able to provide additional support – please call our information and support line at 916-920-2952. We offer case management, counseling, emergency safe house, and legal services.  You are very brave for all that you have had the courage to do and you also deserve support – you’re not alone in this.

Can I report sexual assault weeks after the incident? I was under the influence of alcohol, asleep and I’m underage. You can file a police report by calling the police directly. You may also reach out to us directly for more support if you have questions or may like an Advocate to accompany you (if you’re in Sacramento). WEAVE also offers counseling and other support if you’re interested. Thank you for reaching out.

This happened about six months ago and I’ve been blocking it out for the most part, but it keeps coming back to mind and torturing me. My former roommate and I went out to the bars in our college town for the second time together (for me this was the second time I had ever gone to bars). The time before a couple of her male acquaintances came back to the apartment and we all hung out and had PLATONIC fun. Very intoxicated, I wanted to have people over again.
I don’t remember anything but bits and pieces past a point, but I remember this guy kissing my cheek at the apartment after my roommate went to bed. I didn’t really care but I definitely wasn’t interested in reciprocating and did not. The next thing I remember he had stuck his hand down my jeans…… I remember telling him no, and that I loved my boyfriend, but I couldn’t move! He must have stopped though before trying other stuff… This is when I regained the ability to move and ran off to my roommate’s room crying.
I still feel terrible about this and blame myself. I have nightmares about cheating on my boyfriend. I’ve never been able not to move while drinking and blame myself and I don’t know how to over this. Can someone really be that drunk? Why couldn’t I defend myself? Is it possible that I was experiencing the effects of something besides alcohol?

I’m glad you reached out to WEAVE. I’m sorry you’re going through this. To answer your questions: it is possible to be that drunk and not be able to defend yourself. Signs of a drug-facilitated assault (DFA) may include:

  • Nausea
  • Loss of bowel or bladder control
  • Difficulty breathing
  • Feeling drunk when you haven’t consumed any alcohol or very limited amounts
  • Sudden increase in dizziness, disorientation, or blurred vision
  • Sudden body temperature change that could be signaled by sweating or chattering teeth
  • Waking up with no memory, or missing large portions of memories

Please feel free to contact us if you would like further support.

Me and a bunch of people were sleeping at someone’s house after a party and a boy started touching me (and yes I mean everywhere but over my clothes). I was still drunk and wasn’t completely aware and I was scared so I pretended to be asleep. I didn’t say no, he thought I was sleeping, but I also didn’t give my consent. Is this sexual assault even though I didn’t do anything to stop him?

It is not necessary to say “no” and since you were drunk and unresponsive you were not able to give your consent. It is sexual assault when someone has sexual contact with you without your consent.

Am I overreacting? A couple months ago, my boyfriend and I got together with another couple. (I’ve been friends with her for years and I know her boyfriend pretty well) We were all drinking. I blacked out, but I remember bits and pieces of the night. My boyfriend and I ended up staying at my friends house. I woke up to her boyfriend touching me all over. I thought he was tucking me in or making sure I was okay? He then tried to get in my shorts down the front and up the back. I couldn’t stop him. He came out TWICE and did this and the second time he put his hand in my bra. My boyfriend was sleeping right next to us! I wanted to pretend it never happened. But my friend ended up saying I “acted like he raped me”. And that I “would have done anything that night”. Because I was so drunk. We are no longer friends. But I’m starting to think maybe I’m overreacting and I should try to mend the friendship.

You are not overreacting and I’m very sorry to hear that you went through this experience and that your friend blamed you for her boyfriend’s actions. Sexual assault is sexual assault and it shouldn’t require a completed rape to draw attention. You deserve to be heard and to feel supported. It can be helpful to talk with someone who understands what you’ve been through and can provide further insight and understanding. Please feel free to call our information and support line if you would like: 916-920-2952.

I was partying at my boyfriends cousins house .. I passed out drunk early and was put to bed by my boyfriend of 8 years.. and was checked up on by him according to him… i remember I woke up to the cousins husband that is at least 10 years older than me on top of me grabbing my body I think it happened in more than once that night cause I remember waking up to it more than once.. I kept falling back sleep.. I don’t know if anything happened.. Somehow I had gotten naked ( panties still on) and my boyfriend told me he wasn’t the one who helped me out of my clothes .. Is this sexual assault.. I can’t remember anything so I don’t know if I had anything to do with causing it to happen.. And I don’t want to confront anyone because of family problems it may cause.. How can I deal with it?

Since you were completely unable to give your consent, this is sexual assault. You are in no way at fault for what happened to you and could not have done anything to ’cause it to happen’.  It can be very difficult to confront anyone and I understand that it’s complicated with family being involved. You do have options. You can call our support line to talk to someone 916-920-2952 and if interested, check out our counseling services – we offer up to 8 weeks of free counseling for survivors of sexual assault. Thank you for reaching out for support I wish you all the best.

While I was on a work trip with my husband I was sitting down doing nothing really important when my husband sexually assaulted me. But then he says he thought I wanted him to initiate sex more often. 

For the last year or two we’ve been in a dead bedroom situation. Lately he’s been angry and mad after he gets home from work. I don’t get how we can go from almost sexless marriage to him sexually assaulting me. I’m confused. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It makes sense that you would be confused after being sexually assaulted by your husband after a 1-2 year sexless marriage. You do not deserve to be assaulted. How have you been coping? It can be helpful sometimes to talk with someone. Please feel free to call our support line: 920-2952 to find out more about our services. 

Does this count as sexual assault? I spent the night at my friends house with her and her boyfriend and told him that night that while my boyfriend doesn’t have boundaries for our relationship I do and that I wasn’t going to do anything sexual because I felt it would jeopardize our relationship. The next day after she went to work he got on top of me and kissed me while grabbing my chest and was grinding into me and told me that if he wasn’t with her he would fuck me then and there (they’re sort of in an open relationship so what he did didn’t violate their thing he just can’t have sex). I froze in fear and eventually he got off. The next day I tried to talk to him and figure out why that happened but the only explanation he gave was lust and that “we’re all human.” I told him I did want it and I told my friend seperately that it was okay but it really wasn’t I just didn’t want to cause drama. Now they won’t take me seriously because I said that even though want and consent are two different things. She keeps telling me that I’m just upset that I didn’t say no. Is this considered sexual assault? What options do I have from here?

Being in an open relationship does not make it okay for him to sexually assault you or anyone else. You did not want or invite his sexual touch. You do not have to say “no”to make it clear that you don’t want to have sex – especially after explaining to him the night before that you have boundaries which he clearly crossed. 

You absolutely have options from here. WEAVE offers a number of services including counseling, advocacy, etc. You may call our support line for more information: 920-2952. What’s been helpful for you since this happened? Do you have anyone you can talk to about this who understands and is supportive of your feelings? 

My Partner has a friend who is a good 20+ years older than me. My partner invites him over for drinks and they get drunk and all that, but his mate thinks that I’m just as much of a friend to him as my partner is and is always coming inside the house away from my partner to talk to me and me only… If I’m outside with them or inside alone he has a habit of: rubbing my back, grabbing my neck/ shoulders and rubbing/ massaging, grabbing and holding me by my hips from behind while asking me a question, placing his hand on my back or shoulder and leave it there or rub it while trying to talk to me etc. I’ve told my partner about this, I am extremely uncomfortable around him and no longer want him around, and I have been molested as a child which just makes this all the more uncomfortable…. My partner has said he’s spoken to him about it and he has said he never meant it sexually, so has told me it doesn’t matter. Does it matter? Is this sexual assault? Is it ok because he was drunk and didn’t mean it like that? Am I just over reacting because of my previous abuse? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It is not at all an over-reaction to acknowledge that someone’s touch makes you uncomfortable. Here’s a link to some information about sexual harrassment: https://rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/sexual-harassment. You don’t deserve this and your concerns are valid.  If you’d like more support and/or just to talk about your experience, please feel free to call our Support Line: 920-2952.

What should I do my daughter told me my brother touched her on the butt a few years ago . So i thought i did what i needed i would not let her go around him no more … but in the past few days she told me it was under her cloths and she is trying to blame herself because she wanted to stay all night I told her it was not her fault she is a child but he should know better he is a adult … Did i do the right thing and what should i do ? I don’t want to let her down and think I wont stand up for her …

It’s very important that you told her it was not her fault. It sounds like you want to do your best to support your daughter. Some other things to consider: she may be reluctant to disclose exactly what happened or how often it happened/happens (ie., she slowly disclosed more details…). Encouraging her to talk to you or someone she trusts to ensure her safety. Also, you may consider how to address your brother and how to hold him accountable for his actions. You can do so through mediation and/or by filing a restraining order or police report.  You may call our Support Line for more information about our services including Counseling, Advocacy, and Legal support: 920-2952.
I was extremely drunk one night and crashed at a friends house. When I was sleeping and completely out of it on the couch, her flatmates boyfriend, who also was drinking earlier, came to sleep next to me and started cuddling me. Then I noticed him touching my breasts and rubbing my waist. I was so drunk and exhausted, I couldn’t even lift my head up to say anything, and continued drifting in and out of sleep. I don’t even know if he touched more than that, since I cannot remember. Should I tell his girlfriend? Should I talk to him directly? What should I do?

I’m very sorry to hear that he took advantage of you while you were intoxicated and therefore unable to give consent or able to say anything. It isn’t necessary to say “no” in such situations – it’s clear you were unable to give your consent. 

I wish I could give you direct advice or answer your questions about what to do and who to tell. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself in this situation. How are you doing? Do you need support? Ultimately, it’s up to you who you decide to talk to. Sometimes it can be helpful to discuss pros and cons of disclosing/confronting someone with a trusted friend or even an Advocate or Counselor. You may reach out to our Support & Information line: 920-2952. We offer Counseling as well.  

Was it sexual assault? My ex emotionally and verbally abused me. One day i was on the couch pretty sick he was beside me.. My mom was sitting a couple feet away. He started fingering me and it hurt so bad he knew I couldn’t say no because my mom was right there she didnt see anything. He did this another time. I was too afraid to say no everytime it happened. You were sick, and unable to give your consent – this is sexual assault. In abusive relationships it can be very difficult and potentially dangerous to say no or speak up in certain situations. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Please know that there is support available and you’re not alone. You have incredible strength and courage – I respect your decision to reach out for support and ask about your experience. If you’re interested in talking more with someone, processing can be very healing, please feel free to reach out to our support and information line 920-2952 or reach out to your local crisis center.
me and my friend went out, when we got to the clubs i was sick and could hardly walk so i ended up back at her house while she went clubbing ( don’t remember how or when or how i got so drunk) she must have bought someone home and during the night i woke up to him touching me and putting his fingers inside me, i said stop and kept groaning, i tried to get up but my head was spinning and i felt like throwing up, i black out again and when i wake up he has his penis inside me from the back i hit him and say stop and he does, is this rape? i didn’t want this to happen, what should i do? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, I hope I can provide some helpful information. Any sexual act that is done without one’s consent is considered sexual assault. You have options in how you choose to move forward.  First and foremost, I’m concerned about your well-being and hope you have a good support system. Everyone reacts differently in the initial stages – it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions and/or to dissociate or try to move on. We have Peer Counselors available 24/7 on our support and information line: 916-920-2952 if you would like to speak with someone and further discuss your options. If you are interested in a medical/evidentiary exam there is a narrow timeframe which you can receive a full evidentiary exam. You can choose to file a police report and have an evidentiary exam completed or opt out of navigating the criminal justice system by requesting a VAWA exam (call us or your local rape crisis center for more info). 1800-656-HOPE is the national hotline number for RAINN – they can connect you to your local RCC. 

Why aren’t friends loyal about sexual assault?
people fail to take it seriously and as the victim i feel like it’s my fault.
My ex-boyfriend is in the same group of friends as me. He didn’t take our breakup well in early January and refuses to accept that I’ve moved on while he hasn’t at all. When we go out clubbing he gets drunk and desperately tries to get me back and is really creepy with me. Last weekend he was particularly needy and kept trying to kiss me and get me to dance with him. We stayed at a friend’s on Saturday night in the early hours for drinks, he knew I was staying there and refused to leave supposedly because it was late and he would be mugged. So we slept in the same bed. He climbed in hastily beside me and I was so tired and thought what would happen as we aren’t together now, i didn’t object -mistake! as soon as my friend went to sleep he started touching me everywhere and was whispering how he still loved me and wanted me back, he kept trying to kiss me so i clearly said No to each advance he made and then turned over to face the other way and went to sleep. Then again he tried to grab me and pull me on top of him, and said something like he wanted sex, I said no again and told him to stop touching me. I then woke up to his hands on me again and he ran his hand up my leg and tried to touch me through my tights. Then I lept up and got out.
The following day he messaged me saying how depressed he was and I spent hours in the night crying trying to convince him not to commit suicide, I was so scared so called his roommate to check on him. He was so angry the next morning and told me i had no right and that he never was going to kill himself.
By then id had enough, he had been constantly bothering me since our breakup and with this i told him I wanted no further contact.
I organized a night out and he invited himself and refused to stay home. my friends say I’m overreacting, and one girl said I brought it on myself by wearing a tight dress, chatting with him and hugging him that night (which i did as an alternative to kissing him), and I should just come out. They are acting like nothing happened with him because they don’t want to ‘take sides’ I didn’t realize there were sides on something like this, it’s not just a petty argument, he assaulted me and now I can’t go out anymore because he says he deserves to be there and will always come, I’ve asked if we can go out alternate weeks and he is refusing to agree to this either.
I’m sick of being made to feel like it’s my fault, and if this happened to one of my other mates I would never speak to the person again, some things i just don’t think you can sit on the fence with, but I’m being told to get on with it and stop making a fuss. Why is no one at all loyal over this, just because it wasn’t rape?

It’s a very complicated issue – when friends don’t take sexual assault seriously. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling within your circle of friends to find empathy and understanding. It was not your fault. We shouldn’t have to wait for sexual harassment/violence to escalate to rape in order to validate the survivor’s feelings.
There’s a deeper discussion to consider around rape culture as well. If you’re seeking further support, I encourage you to reach out to your local rape crisis center. If you’re in Sacramento, our Support Line is 916-920-2952 and any one of our Support Line Advocates can tell you more about our counseling services – we have great counselors who can help you navigate through some of what you’re experiencing.

A few months ago I was hanging out with my sister,her boyfriend and a couple of her coworkers we’re all playing a drinking game [edited content] I was fine after drinking, then 20 mins later i was extremely dizzy & my sister insisted that I should go lay down on her bed. She told me she would be back in 10 mins because she was taking a friend home.
After she left I fell asleep, not to long after that i woke up to her boyfriend on top of me trying to force my legs open with his legs, i told him no, multiple times.  He kept trying & trying, i was crying still slightly dizzy. He kept telling me come on shes not here it’s okay come on. He forced my hand on his private part & asked me if it’s because i don’t find him attractive that’s why i won’t have sex with him. He told me he thinks I’m attractive so why not? I kept telling him no to get off me i was calling for my sisters name & he kept trying until i punched him in his throat.  He stopped & then had the audacity to tell me to not tell my sister. The next day while gathering my things i tried to explain to her while he was in the other room.  She dismissed it.  A few hours later i gave her a call & explained fully. She was in total shock.   She told me she would call me back. 
The next day she had called me and told me she was packing her things to move back with our parents & asked if i could help her set her room up when she got there.  She told me she broke up with him. & to not let that situation get to me. & to not tell anyone Because he didn’t mean it, he was drunk.  He did admit to her that he remembers trying to get at me. He was blackout drunk but then he quickly realized what he was doing & discarded himself. 
I told her it would be hard for me. 
As January came along my sister had her birthday party at the local bars with a group of her friends & i was invited. Her ex showed up and I found out they were back together. On the car ride home she was crying explaining how sorry she is but she just loves him so much & that he sent me a message on Facebook apologizing for what he did. I explained to her that I was extremely upset that she lied to me and if our parents were to find out that she continued to date a man who almost raped her little sister they would be very disappointed in her and I’m sure my father would try to harm him for what he did.  My other sister told me that i should keep my distance from her until she realizes that being with a man who sexually assaulted her little sister and cheated on her multiple times is not the right person she should be with and that it is completely wrong that she chose him over family.
Lately she has been trying to contact me but I ignore her calls and text messages. I just don’t know what to do because if I tell her how I feel again I feel like I’m going to be shot down like my feelings don’t matter.

It’s no excuse that he was drunk. I’m very sorry that you’re going through this and of course it intensifies the matter when the perpetrator is dating your sister and she doesn’t want to believe what happened and/or minimizes the assault. It sounds like your other sister is very supportive. Deciding how to move forward with your communication with your sister is going to be challenging and you don’t have to figure that out all on your own – identifying your support system and or building upon it can be helpful in lessening the feeling of isolation. I understand your desire to be heard and for her to acknowledge that her ex/boyfriend sexually assaulted you. I wonder how you are doing otherwise. While the incident is compounded by your sister knowing the perpetrator, you deserve to be heard and to go through your own healing process.  Please know that you’re not alone. You may always reach out to our support line: 916-920-2952 and/or call your local rape crisis center. We offer counseling services if that is something you might be interested in.

I am afraid and I need help. I have been thinking about the past, things that have happened to me and I need some answers. I have no where else to turn. With my first boyfriend, I was 15 and he was 17, maybe 18. I used to come to his house late at night and one night he kissed me. I had never been kissed before. Then he kissed my nipples, I didn’t like it but I wanted him to like me. When we started dating, I didn’t say no when he touched me. My next boyfriend, we had all our firsts together. I really thought he loved me. But after a while, he changed and he was mean. He was abusive in every way possible. One time, we went away for the weekend to visit a friend of mine. We stayed in my friends room and he wanted to have sex every night. I was so tired I never wanted to, and he got so mad he made me cry. One time, he somehow talked me into having sex, saying I would like it after a while. I didn’t like it and I wanted him to stop. He wouldn’t listen to me at first. But eventually he stopped. Please tell me are either of these things I have experienced considered sexual assault or rape? I am glad you reached out. When you tell your partner you don’t want to do something and they push you anyway, it is sexual assault. You didn’t want to be part of those activities and you said no. The emotions you are feeling now are common and it may help to talk to someone. If you are in the Sacramento area, you can call WEAVE’s 24/7 support line to talk to an advocate. The number is 916.920.2952.  Our website (www.weaveinc.org) also has information on counseling services you may want to consider. If you live somewhere else, you can call RAINN at 800.656.HOPE or visit their website at www.rainn.org. 
I was riding in the car after a late night concert with one of my close friends. I fell asleep and woke up to his hand under my dress but on top of my tights, foundling me. I didn’t know what to do. I shifted in my seat to make him think I was waking up. He then moved his hand to my thigh. I then sat up and firmly but somewhat playfully told him to stop and that he couldn’t do that. I pretended to go back to sleep. After some time passed, his hand was under my dress again and he was very lightly fondling me again. Once again, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to jump out of the car, I wanted to call the police, I wanted to tell him to stop. But I didn’t do any of these things. I just laid there for 10-15 minutes while he touched me. Eventually I shifted again, he moved his hand to my thigh, and I pushed his hand away and told him he couldn’t do that. The same as the first time. I stayed awake for the 30 minutes we had left in the drive. I acted as if nothing happened. I even hugged him goodbye and contacted him the next day to ask for pictures to post to Facebook. I wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. I did okay at first but each day got worse. I feel like I’m losing my mind and I quite literally want to die. I don’t want to deal with this. I told my boyfriend today, 7 days later. He thinks I should feel guilty for not fighting him off. He thinks that it was stupid of me to pretend to go back to sleep after he touched me in my sleep the first time. He doesn’t understand why I didn’t fight him off and why I pretended to go back to sleep. I don’t understand either. I just know that I didn’t want him to touch me and I am having a very difficult time. I just want to die so I can forget this happened. I don’t even understand what happened. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  I want you to know that none of this is your fault and that you responded in the best way you knew how to in the moment. You did speak up for yourself and he violated your boundaries. Any sexual activity, including fondling/touching, must be consensual and one simply cannot give their consent when they are sleeping.  It’s very common to second-guess your reactions and replay the incident in your mind in the days and weeks after. I’m sorry that you’re boyfriend reacted in the way that he did. It is very difficult to reach out for support – I’m glad that you contacted WEAVE.  If you are interested in further support please contact our support and information line: 916-920-2952
i was raped and had my wrist broken, a tooth knocked out and other injuries 7months ago. I didn’t report it to the police due to threats. I am now suffering badly with PTSD, anxiety and nightmares. I am living in a refuge as I do not feel safe and also can no longer seem to function as I used to. I am really in need of compensation now as I can not work and have lost my car, home etc. I want to be able to live near my son and to feel safe again. Do I need to report this to the police?? I’m very sorry to hear what you’ve experienced. One option is to file a police report in order to apply for victim compensation. If you are a student, you might consider reaching out to your school’s Title IX investigator for reporting options that also may assist you in applying for victim compensation. It is up to you if you decide to report this to the police, however, the victim compensation application requires a report. Please reach out to our support and information line if you would like to learn more about our other services (counseling, case managment, legal, etc.): 916-920-2952.
I was in high school, which was only a few years ago, I had my first “serious” relationship. It was with an older boy, who was more experienced than myself. I was fifteen at the time, and I used to meet him at his house, sometimes as late as 1am. We liked each other, but we weren’t dating. One night he kissed me, I had never been kissed before. Then he took my shirt off and he kissed my nipples. I didn’t like it, and I hadn’t done it before but I didn’t say no because I liked him. But I felt scared I was shaking. And we dated for a while after. He wanted to do things like he wanted me to touch him but I couldn’t do it, even if I liked it when he touched me. We broke up.
When I turned 16, the next guy I dated was my age and he was really nice for a while. But then he wasn’t. He used to get so jealous. He was abusive in every way except he never hit me. We used to have sex, and one time we were visiting some of my friends, and he wanted to have sex every night but I was so tired so I would say no. He would get so mad I would cry. Sometimes I didn’t say no, and he said I could stop after a while if I wanted, because he said I would like it. But I didn’t, and when I said I wanted to stop he was mad but he stopped. 
In both these different situations, was I a victim of rape or sexual assault?
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I understand you’re questioning whether or not what you experienced was rape and/or sexual assault. In short, sexual violence includes anything sexual in nature that is done without your consent.  One doesn’t always have to say “no” in order to express that they are not interested. In many cases, sexual coersion can have a similar impact on a person as a rape – where we often see survivors experiencing similar post-traumatic symptoms. In your first experience, if the boy was much older, there may have been a power imbalance – particularly if they were an adult.  
Last night or should I say this morning around 3am my boyfriend got home late, I can tell he was drunk about 15-30 mins later I woke up to find him not being in bed, I got up went to check on my kids my daughter was still up, I told her to go back to sleep but than realized that she was crying.I asked her what was wrong and she said someone was choking her. At first I couldn’t understand I asked her was it a dream she said yes. But confused cause she kept looking out the door. That’s when I knew something wasnt right. I asked her who was choking her and she said my boyfriend was choking her. Still didn’t add up. I asked her what was wrong again and she than said that my boyfriend was touching her down there. By that time he was in the bathroom . I told her that I would sleep with her. When I returned to my room my boyfriend was passed out in bed. My daughter than told me about the other time. Im not sure what to do. I also recently I just had a baby and hes sexually frustrated because even during the pregnancy we weren’t having intercourse he has a very high sex drive. I confronted him today and he doesn’t remember going to my kids room and doing that to her last night or the other times. He sleep walks when hes drunk. And blackouts. My boyfriend has two other kids a boy and a girl.we have a six year old son together and a 4 week old babygirl. So together is 5. Whenever his other kids are over. Hes daughter always sleeps with us. And this past weekend he mentioned that he grabbed and started to cuddling his daughter thinking it was me. He was also intoxicated when he did that to his daughter. I need advice ASAP. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for assistance. I’m sorry that you and your kids are going through this. Thank you for believing your daughter when she told you what was happening to her. Being intoxicated does not excuse sexual assault or violence. You can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, and they can give you options for what steps you can take next. We also offer counseling for survivors of sexual assault and their families, including children. 
In the past year, I got out of a relationship with a guy who persistently attempted to anally stimulate me during other sex acts. I repetitively told him I didn’t want him to do it and he would agree to stop, but days later he would start doing it again anyway. I also told him to stop when once he started doing it, and he would only listen occasionally; sometimes he only stopped when I moved away from him altogether. He claimed that he “didn’t know the difference between a real stop and a fake one” and that I never made it clear enough for him. Though that may be true in the moment, I have a hard time believing I wasn’t clear when we had conversations that were altogether separate. Eventually, I only stopped him on an occasional basis – I think I sort of gave up trying.

I have several questions about what happened – I’m having a hard time figuring it out. I felt disgusted and disregarded when it happened (maybe somewhat violated and definitely annoyed), but I was never afraid, nor did I enter sexual encounters with him worried about what was going to happen, though there were times I felt bad about myself. I don’t have so-called “typical” symptoms of having been sexually assaulted, except that I feel nervous about sex, I dissociate (I think?), and I have a hard time fully trusting my current partner (whom I’ve been best friends with for a long time and I see myself marrying). Sometimes when I think about it I break out in a cold sweat. 

Clearly what happened bothers me, but I’m worried that I’m just making all of this up and turning a mole hill into a mountain in my head. Is what happened to me sexual assault/coercion? I’m so confused because I did things with him willingly, even knowing that he may try to repeat what he’d done before. Furthermore, I halfway stopped fighting it as time went on. I didn’t even consider that it might be abuse until I left him.

Point being, I feel weird saying he sexually assaulted me because I’m not really sure that he did, but I’m also not sure that he didn’t. I don’t want to press charges and I don’t want to spread word around, but I do want to understand it so that I know how to come to terms with it and work past it. Can you help me understand what exactly happened to me?
Thank you for reaching out to us and asking these very important questions. Sexual Assault is any form of unwanted sexual contact. It seems as though you might have experienced non-consensual contact since you explained that you asked your partner to stop on multiple occasions. Although he said he was unclear on your consent, saying “stop” should have made it obvious that you did not want him to continue. What you are feeling now in a new relationship is normal for what you have gone through. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault, which may help for you to work through these emotions and gain a better understanding of your situation. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952, if you would like to speak anonymously with a peer counselor. We are always here to help. 

What if I can’t call or get away?only able to access the phone quickly and quietly help

Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger and need immediate help. When/if you are able to, you may also call our support & information line: 916-920-2952.
I blacked out last night. When i got home i was pretty drunk my sister said. I passed out in the bathroom naked. When i woke up my sister told me her boyfriends brother walked in on me on the floor naked. I believe he took pictures of me and maybe even a video and is showing his family members. What action should i take?

I’m glad you reached out to us. Tech violence involving malicious distribution and harassment has great impact on the survivors. You have options, including: filing a police report, seeking additional legal support, etc. Also, our Support Line (916-920-2952) can provide further support if you would like an Advocate to accompany you during reporting, to learn more about our legal services, or for info about our counseling services if you would like further emotional support.

My husband has been drugging me and sexually assaulting me while I am asleep for about 3 years. I have preemptively told him on many occasions not to do this to me, and that I am not consenting to him sexually assaulting me. I have recorded conversations with him where I am begging him to stop doing this, and he has admitted what he has done. He constantly tells me he’s going to get help and has even moved into the garage, because he was assaulting me every night. but now he breaks into the bedroom and just stands over me until I wake up and see him and I scream. It’s almost as if he is telling me he could kill me while I sleep. I am absolutely frightened of him. He has not hit me, but God I wish he would, because then I could call the police on him. I truly want him to go to prison for what he has done to me, I just don’t know what to do. He’s stealing a part of my spirit everytime he does this to me. I am so tired of being abused.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am very sorry to hear what you’re going through. What you are describing is Intimate Partner Violence including sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and intimidation. Please know that there are services available to you. If you are in immediate danger please call 911. You may reach out to our support line for more information about our services that may be of interest to you: counseling services, case management, safe house, legal referrals, etc. Our support line is available 24/7: 916-920-2952. 

Is asking a minor for a hugging or a kiss, or trying to convince a minor to hug or kiss you considered sexual assault in Canada? Is questioning a minor’s refusal the same as coercion? Is implying that you would like a hug or a kiss from a minor coercion, sexual assault, or neither?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are based in Sacramento, California and cannot provide information for Canada. There is some good information about child sexual abuse on RAINN’s website:

https://rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/child-sexual-abuse

I hope you find that information helpful. Also, I’ll add that consent is of utmost importance when asking anyone for a hug or kiss. Children are also particularly vulnerable as they may feel obligated to hug or kiss an adult. As adults, we can model good boundaries by honoring consent. You may want to reach out to your local rape crisis center for further conversation/education on the topic.

I was sexually abused multiple times in childhood. Also, my brother is a perpetrator and I want to know how to file a report when I’m afraid of contacting law enforcement. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am very sorry to hear about the sexual abuse you’ve experienced. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help. WEAVE offers many different services including counseling. If you are interested you may reach out to our Support Line for more information: 916-920-2952. We are unable to provide legal advice but one of our Support Line Advocates can address any specific questions you may have regarding reporting (same number: 916-920-2952).

I’m not sure if I was sexually assaulted. I went to this party halloween night and got really drunk. I started talking to my friend’s boyfriend’s friend because I’m a naturally outgoing person. As the night went on we all got pretty wasted and I started dancing and this guy just grabbed me and started grinding up on me. I was too tired to say anything but after a while I got really hot so I told him I wanted to stop because it was too warm. He pulled me outside and I followed because my head hurt and I really just wanted to sit. He started kissing me and I didn’t say anything to stop him. Then he put his hand on my butt and started rubbing my breasts. I didn’t want to be rude so I hinted that I wanted him to stop. I said I think we’re a bit drunk and he just said no no you’re fine and kept going. Then I said I need to look for my friend because I was worried about her I got up but I couldn’t really walk so he helped me back inside and I ditched him as soon as possible. I don’t know if this is sexual assault. We were both drunk and I guess I gave off the wrong signals. I don’t feel like I have any right to feel badly because I wasn’t raped but I just feel disgusting. I took so many showers and brushed by teeth to get the bad taste out. I just feel really violated and icky. Sexual assault does not need to be rape, it can be any unwanted touching. Because you were intoxicated, you were not able to fully give consent to any sexual contact. Even if you do consent, you can always take it back at any time and do not have to participate in any sexual activity. It is normal to feel icky in this situation because your personal space and body were violated. You have every right to feel uncomfortable about this incident. Talking about what happened can help you work though these feelings. You can anonymously call the Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 and talk with an experienced advocate. WEAVE also offers 8 free counseling sessions to survivors of sexual assault. 

I have a question. I was sexually assaulted 2 years ago by my boyfriend at the time. I never reported the incident because I believed that no one would believe me and that it was all in my head. Sometimes when I have flashbacks to that night, I sometimes doubt myself on what really happened. Is that normal or am I just minimizing the incident?

What you are experiencing is normal. The effects of a trauma can last for years after a sexual assault and can appear as flashbacks, memory loss, and doubt. Shock during an assault can also lead you to question whether it happened or not. It can be difficult to work through these emotions by yourself. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault that can help with the lingering effects of trauma. Our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 is another way to talk about the assault anonymously with an experienced peer counselor. 

My mom and my step dad have been together for 10 years with a short break in the middle. Tonight I was fighting with my mom and I was crying and went outside to breathe. He came out to comfort me, it was a little awkward but I appreciated it. Then later he also fought with her and before I went to bed I went in his room and told him goodnight and said “I love you” because we do not say it much but my father is absent from my life and he is like a father figure and I wanted him to know that I appreciated it. Well he hugged me and hugged me and his hand kind of kept getting lower but it never got to my butt and he kissed me on the mouth twice. He’s never done it before and it weirded me out. I don’t know if I should mention this to my mom or not… I’m confused, what if he was just being nice? What if Im over reacting? Im only 16.

Even if it is from someone you love, you do not have to tolerate uncomfortable physical contact. Feeling weird about someone touching you is not overreacting, but it is your gut instinct telling you that you are not okay with it. It is understandable to feel confused about your stepdad’s actions towards you. Your mom would be a great resource if you feel like you can talk to her, but you can also talk to a trusted adult about your experience and feelings. If you need to talk to a trained advocate, please do not hesitate to call our Information and Support Line anonymously at 916-920-2952. A peer counselor will be able to take your call and offer  support while you process what you’re going though. 

So this last weekend my fiancé and I went out drinking and usually we have no problem, but I guess one of those drinks really knocked me on my butt, because I got really drunk and when we got home I took a bath and passed out in the tub. I woke up to him sucking on my nipple, and I am 99% sure I also felt fingers in me. He had apparently tried to wake me up by shaking me and stuff, but I didn’t, so he did that. We were BOTH drunk, and he says he has no idea why he did it, and he really seems sorry. Should this be a big deal or no? I feel angry and confused, but also like I’m making a huge deal out of something that’s not, even to the point of me now staying in the spare bedroom and stuff.

Hello. Alcohol and being intoxicated is never an invitation or an excuse for consent. Regardless if you both were drunk, no one has the right to persuade you to have sex or perform any sexual acts without consent. Consent is also not possible when a person is intoxicated.  You have the right to feel the way that you are feeling and I am sorry that this happened. It is not your fault. You have some options available to you. If you wish to continue to remain anonymous, but need emotional support please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 where a peer counselor will be able to provide you with that support and the opportunity to talk about what happened and how you are feeling in greater detail, including more information about our counseling services. Thank you for reaching out to us. Please remember that you are not alone. 

I’m not sure if this is considered sexual assault or not. The other night I became very intoxicated at my friend’s house. I went to sleep later that night. When I woke up I saw that her brother was laying next to me and had his arm around me. It took me a second to realize it was him. I turned over and tried to just go back to sleep hoping that maybe he’d think I was asleep and leave me alone. I was still very intoxicated at this point. He started rubbing my thigh and putting his hand up my shirt. Eventually he put his hands down my pants. After about a minute he tried to take my pants off and I removed his hand, quickly got up and left. I feel confused because I didn’t want it to happen but I didn’t say no. But I never said it was okay. I feel hurt and guilty like I was in the wrong. I have a boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell him, I don’t want him to think I cheated on him.

Hello. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. A person who is intoxicated cannot give consent. An individual’s motor skills and mental cognition slows down including one’s response rate during the consumption of alcohol which includes the inability to consent to sex or any other sexual acts. Consent should never be assumed when someone is intoxicated. Just because the words “no” did not come out does not mean it was okay with you. Everyone has the right to have their body respected. It is not your fault and I am sorry you are feeling this way. If you need to talk to an experienced advocate, please do not hesitate to call our Information and Support Line anonymously at 916-920-2952. A peer counselor will be able to take your call and offer emotional support while you process these thoughts. Additionally, we offer 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions if you wish to talk to a counselor in person. Your boyfriend will also be able to qualify for these 8 free sessions as well to help process what happened. It was not your fault and you are not alone. We are here to help. Thank you for taking the time to be courageous by reaching out for help.  

A few days ago I made amends with an old friend that I haven’t seen in a year because I missed him and thought that it was silly for us to not be friends anymore because I moved away for college. Last night he drove to come and hang out with me and my friends. We were drinking in my apartment and were having a good time. Later we talked about our relationship and he admitted that he is in love with me and developed a drinking problem when I moved away. Anyways, we all drank a little more and after everyone left he passed out in my bed. When I came to bed I just climbed into bed with him fully clothed ready to fall asleep. Then he started touching me. We were both drunk, him more than I, so it seemed very surreal. All night he was rubbing against me and groping me in places even when I would say stop or push him away. At one point he pulled out his genitals and just held me to his chest. I tried to just ride it out because the more I fought with him the more he held me, and he’s twice my size so I knew I wouldn’t be able to overpower him. I tried to laugh it off this morning and he said he doesn’t remember anything because he was blacked out drunk. He’s never hurt me like this before, we’ve never even kissed. I don’t want to see him become dependent on alcohol again because it runs in his family and he’s obviously only like this when he drinks. I’m not sure what to do.

Hello! I am so glad you had the courage to reach out to us. Based on the information provided it sounds like consent was not given and although he was intoxicated it still did not give him the right to not respect your request. This person pressured you to perform a sexual act against your will by overpowering you and used it to get you to comply with a sexual act even though you said no. It is still considered sexual assault because consent was not given freely. It seems like he may need to seek counseling for his well-being and it would ultimately be a decision he will need to make on his own, but the most important thing right now is how this made you feel and how it will make you feel moving forward. If you would like to discuss and process this incident with an experienced sexual assault peer counselor you can do so by contacting our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. You can also call this line if you wish to receive additional resources and referrals that may benefit you in regards to this incident. Your call will remain anonymous. If at some point you would like to seek counseling and you are in the Sacramento region, please feel free to attend one of our free walk-in triages at Midtown. Thank you! 

I’m needing help bad my ex raped me multiply times then took my kids but he lives in another state he has been looked at for child rape and raped his little brother how do I get my kids from him???

Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for help. I am sorry to hear that this is going on and that this happened to you. First of all I want to remind you that it is not your fault. You have the option of going to the nearest law enforcement station or calling law enforcement to file a police report for rape and for taking your children, especially if you have legal custody of the children. We also, have a case manager who may provide accompaniment and advocacy during this tough time, if needed. Additionally, we offer 8 free sessions of sexual assault counseling to help you heal. Please call the Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952, so we can get additional information regarding the specifics of the situation and the resources available to help you within your immediate area. Thank you! 

I am inquiring if there is any way to get more information about statutory rape. Is there any, groups or education to help young adults understand the statute of limitations is in place for a reason and help better inform young adults of the serious consequences?
It seems that the high school students that turn 18 while dating someone a few years younger don’t seem to be clear in understanding that this is not to be taken lightly.
Do you offer any groups or trading for this age group to better understand this law and the importance of it being followed?

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to ask such an important question. WEAVE’s counseling, outreach, information and supportline, speaker’s bureau, and education and prevention advocates all take part in educating the community including elementary to high school grade students about the importance of safe dating, the cycle of domestic violence and the sign of sexual abuse. We emphasis that statuary rape is a law during our public trainings with schools and the general public where we try to work on prevention and education in regard to these laws protecting children and teens. However, we are still seeking more public awareness in these matters and we are constantly working to build relationships with schools to help us in making this possible. If you would like more information about the services and the types of outreach and education we offer, please click on the “Learn” tab on our site and under “Prevention and Education” feel free to read some information about the topics discussed during presentations. Thank you!  

I was sexually assaulted last night after a date by an old co-worker. I tried to drive home and he took my car keys and told me I was too drunk to drive although I had only had a beer. He forced himself on me and hurt me. Although he didn’t have sex with me he did do other things that I told him not to and would not stop even though I cried and told him to stop. After a while of fighting I got him to get off and went home. He now is texting me like nothing happened and kept saying I couldn’t blame him. He was just used to getting what he wants. I’m really confused and don’t know what to do or who to talk to

I am very sorry you had such an awful experience, and want to commend you for reaching out for support. Your feelings of confusion are very normal due to the assault, and would like to recommend our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952 where you can speak with one of our experienced advocates for other resources such as counseling services (which we provide 8 free sessions), or simply to help you process what happened to you, this can also be anonymous if you feel more comfortable communicating that way.  You can also seek medical attention to ensure there are no internal injuries. Then, you can decide if you want to file this assault with the police department. Please feel free to give us a call if you need more resources or have any other questions. Thank you! 

We spent the weekend at my in laws house for the fourth of July. Today, my 8 year old daughter told me that my new brother in law told her that the reason they got a new dog is so they could rub it’s belly without having to worry about the penis popping up (the new dog is a girl). He then told my daughter that they could never rub the other dogs belly; due to his penis getting in the way. My daughter then told me it must be something to do with an instinct that boys have, because that’s what her uncle told her .. I feel like this is so disgusting and out of line. I asked her if anyone else heard or was around and she said no. My husband thinks I am overreacting, I think he’s preying on a child by saying something like that. This is a college graduate– with a full time job .. I feel like he should know better, and me or my husband need to tell him that was out of line..What should I do?

Hello. You are not overreacting and believe that if it is a subject that was talked about that maybe having a chance to sit down with your child and explain what happened would be a good start. Educating your child about this will not only empower them, but also can empower you as a parent by having a conversation with the brother-in-law about how to carry appropriate conversations with your child. It is good to be upfront and clear to anyone who is supervising your child about appropriate boundaries especially when it comes to preventing it from turning into some form of sexual assault, lewd and lascivious or sexual harassment down the road. Your child will feel supported and protected by you. You can also contact our Information and Support Line anonymously if you would like additional resources or support that may be available. Thank you!

 

I’m not sure if this is sexual assault or not but it was a very uncomfortable situation. Back in 2009 my step dad got drunk and as we were talking about an ex of mine he got really close between my legs and his fingers brushed against my thighs slowly getting higher as he was telling me how pretty he thought I was. I made an excuse that I was tired and left. Am I overreacting or was this wrong?

Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us. First I would like to start off with letting you know that you are not overreacting and that yes it was wrong. If it made you feel uncomfortable then you have a right to feel the way that you do. This was an unwanted sexual touching and is considered sexual assault. Please feel free to contact our Information and Support Line for additional information and support if needed at 916-920-2952. 

Hello! So I called last night and I just wanted to thank who I talked to. I was calling because one of my closest friends had been raped and she didn’t want to report it, even though she’s 16 and the man (who has just gotten out of prison for messing around with small children, and still has an ankle bracelet on) is 27. The woman I talked to was extremely helpful with me in deciding how to help my friend, and I’m glad I filed a report. So, thank you Support Line Advocate. 

Hello! We appreciate seeing such great feedback from our callers as we pride in being able to provide services and referrals to our callers. Thank you for also taking the time in providing us with this valuable feedback that will help us serve the community better. We will pass this thank you information to the appropriate advocate who provided you with the help! Thank you again. If you have any additional questions or would like additional resources please feel free to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

I have posted on this site multiple times, as I am too afraid to share my story in person. Initially I shared the details of my sexual assault and more recently I experienced a flashback after thinking I was about to be assaulted again while at a bar. Just a few days ago, I got drunk, in the safety of my own home with a friend. After she left I begin reliving the night of my assault after watching a movie that triggered my thoughts. That night, as a result of those thoughts I was unable to sleep because every time I closed my eyes all I could see was the events leading up to, during, and after my assault. I feel that my drinking helps to numb the pain of the various things that I am going through, however, some times, it leads to over thinking which results in the flashbacks, which go on to alter my daily life. I don’t know where to go from here or how to be able to reach out to get help. The lack of help that I am receiving appears to be the cause of these flashbacks however I don’t know what to do in order to get help.

Hello and thank you for taking the time to seek help. I am also sorry you are going through this but fortunately there is help and it is available to you. We provide 8 free counseling sessions pertaining to any sexual assault and abuse. It would be beneficial to seek counseling as it will help you process the trauma in a healthier way. What you are going through emotionally is a part of healing and it is okay to feel that way. Also, the more you talk about the experience the more you will learn to move past it. The first step to seeking counseling through WEAVE is by attending our free walk-in triage where you will get to meet one-on-one with a counselor. This will take no more than 15 minutes. The counselor will go over the types of counseling services we have and will give you an opportunity to ask any additional questions. The triage is available every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm.If you have additional questions or would like additional emotional support over the phone, please feel free to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. Thank you!  

My daughter has been in a controlling, emotionally abusive, physically abusive, verbally abusive & sexually abusive (with severe fits of jealous rage) marriage which highly intensified when she got pregnant. After the baby was born the sexual abuse intensified. She was in love with this man & had hoped the abuse would stop. He has been very insecure the entire marriage but his insecurity & jealousy got worse after the baby was born, accusing her of loving the baby more & fearing she would leave him. He goaded her into an argument after physically forcing her to have anal sex against her will. He then called the police on her & is trying to take her child away. The long & short of it is that he set her up. After spending a while finally getting her to the point she was willing to report the sexual abuse, the police detectives seem to be very dismissive. She went to her Gynecologist who found evidence of trauma even a couple of weeks after the last incessant. Help please. How do we find someone to advocate for her & take this seriously?

Any ideas or help would be appreciated. We live in Nashville, TN. I witnessed the day to day controlling, emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, the belittling, the raging fits of unfounded jealousy for a year & a half. My daughter just wanted to have a family. She is very religious & has a deep belief in a forever family. I tried different times to try to get her to do something about his behavior. She even sought the help of several counselors to try to cope with & handle his behavior. She had real hopes that he would get better if she loved him enough. My daughter was able to get him to go to the therapist twice, once with her & once on his own, but once he was told that he had idea seated issues he needed to work on, he refused to go any more. He told her she was the one with the problems, not him. The therapist recommended the book to her ” Why Does He Do That?” It is clear from what the therapist had to say that she was worried that her husband was abusing her. But as any of you know that have gone to a therapist they have you sign a release when you first start seeing them that if they become aware of any physical abuse they have to, report it. So she never told them that he was physically assaulting her although she did tell her that her husband insisted on having sex at least 5-6 times a day. Help…advice please on finding someone to advocate for her.

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us! Looking from the outside in must be terrible and having these events happen to your own daughter must be even harder. I am sorry you have to witness these traumatic events as well. Unfortunately, our agency establishment is only found in the Sacramento area in California, but we have some resources we would like to share that may act like WEAVE who may be able to provide some advocacy, counseling and legal resources to your loved ones in your area. Jean Crowe Advocacy offers advocacy and legal referrals, including counseling. Their contact information is 615-862-4767. As well as the Nashville Mission. Their number is 615-255-2475 and the YWCA Mission at 615-255-2475. Also, if you would like to obtain more resources and referrals that pertain to this specific situation, please feel free to contact out Information and Support Line. If we are unable to provide the information you were seeking, please feel free to also contact The National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673). 

My ex has violently and sexually abused me even during pregnancy. I have a restraining order in place until 2017. He presently was released from prison and has been leaving me phone messages, which I ignore. Because of my abuse I suffer from anxiety and sometimes stutter. He moved to the county were I was in, so I ran away with my toddler. I am now in Galt and homeless and without a car. What can I do???

Hello! Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this matter and I am sorry you experienced this traumatic event. Please call us at our Information and Support Line and if you are interested in talking to an advocate who can explain you in depth referrals and resources available within your area. The advocate can also explain to you more about our safe shelter and go over the process to see if you qualify. Additionally, we offer 8 free sessions of counseling to those who have experienced sexual assault at our business location. You can do so by attending our free walk-in triage assessment which is available every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm. 

My stepdaughter is 22 and sexually harassing my 16 and 20 year old sons. She shows her buttocks to them and gets close in their personal space and has asked my 20 year old for sex just recently. It’s escalating. 

Hello and I am sorry to hear that this is happening to your children. It would be beneficial if you gave our Information and Support Line a call at 916-920-2952, so that way we can give you resources and additional information that is specific to this situation. It is also against the law for an adult to sexually harass a minor who is under the age of 18 as well. Additionally, we have 8 free sessions for those who have experienced sexual assault and are available by attending a free triage assessment at our business location at 1900 K Street Sacramento, CA. These walk-in triages are available every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm. No appointment is required. Thank you for taking the time to contact WEAVE about this matter we hope to be of assistance. 

I was raped by my husband’s stepdaughter and we need to get our own place close to school or work but I don’t make enough…. could you guys please help?

I am so sorry to hear this happened. I hope you can give us a call at our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 that way you can talk to an experienced advocate who is ready to help. It would also be helpful in providing us with more details as to what specific referrals we can offer you. You can file a police report and seek counseling at WEAVE. The Victim Compensation program is also available if a police report has already been made. You can contact them at 1-800-777-9229  to see if relocating may be an option that is available to you. Thank you for reaching out to us. I hope we can help.

I was raped about 4 years ago and I am trying to have a relationship with a good man. Can I still have the 8 classes that I need so I can move forward? I realize it has been 4 years but I am in need of these classes.

Hello! I am so happy to see that you are ready to seek counseling. We offer 8 free sessions to anyone who is a survivor of sexual assault and sexual abuse. The first step to beginning your journey to recovery is by attending our free walk-in triage where you will get to talk one-on-one with a counselor about your experience and follow-up with additional referrals. The triage is available weekly every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm. No appointment is needed. If you are comfortable enough you are more than welcome to bring a supportive person to wait for you while you go through the process. Please feel free to contact our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 with any additional questions that you may have. Thank you!

I am a woman who works Stockton Blvd. A group of men I refused services to came back and later broke my jaw. I am a patient at UC Davis soon to be released (in minutes in fact). I have nowhere to go and they just now told me they can’t find the $72 savings I came in with. Can you help? I am worried about these guys finishing the “job” rather than have me identify them.

Hello. I am sorry to hear that this happened. Please call us toll free at our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 866.920.2952. You will be able to reach an advocate who will be able to provide you with additional referrals and more information about our services. A few community referrals are available as well. A Community Against Sexual Harm helps survivors as well their number is 916.856.2900. Another number to reach would be Bridget’s Dream at 916.235.3690 as well as The National Human Trafficking Resource Center at 888.373.7888. We hope we can help.

I have a question about 3 years ago I went to visit my best friend. I laid down with her and we were laughing like good old days. That is the last thing I remember. I was woken up by her later where I was sleeping on the couch with my pants off and her husband was standing naked behind me. I remember nothing until she woke me up freaking out on me that I did something with her husband. As far as I know I did nothing with him. She said it took 15 minutes just to wake me up. She pushed me into the bathroom where I fell and hit my head. She has not talked to me since. My heart is broken. It’s all I think about trying to remember anything and I can’t. I would like to press some kind of charges against him but don’t know what or where to even begin. Please help me.

Hello and I am sorry this happened. It may be helpful to contact your local law enforcement agency to see what your rights are. Ultimately, it is your right to report the incident to police and make a report against this person. If you decide to move forward and make a police report, you can contact your nearest Victim Compensation Program which is a program that helps victims of crime with any other additional assistance that is available. You can also start by seeking counseling to help you cope with what happened and to start the process of healing. We offer 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions. If you would like to talk to someone or need support, please do not hesitate to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. An advocate will help you with giving you resources that may be available to you as well. It is also important that you don’t blame yourself for what happened and to know that it was not your fault. Thank you for reaching out to us for help.

Hi. I was at my mom’s place for a visit about 1.5 years ago who lives in another country. My brother also was there at the same time. One night when I was going to my room he called me to his room and I went to see if he was okay as he had a disease for years. He told me that he wanted to talk about his secret and if I could help him. I said sure. Among my siblings, he is the most popular one. Everyone accepts everything that he says and does everything for him. Anyhow, he started talking about his sexual problems and that his wife doesn’t understand him. I asked him to talk to her but he was asking me over and over if I can help, then he asked me about details of my relationship with my husband in bed. I couldn’t understand him. First, I felt so bad that he sounded so desperate, but the day after I could not understand why he talked to me instead of a sex therapist!!!!! The following day, he asked me to help him cut his hair in the back and all of sudden felt his hands touching my toes and messaging. I took my foot away and at first I thought it was a mistake but he did it again and I took it away. I cried and got so depressed afterwards. Talked to my physician 6 months after and she told me that that was sexual harassment. I couldn’t believe it and still can’t. I can’t trust anyone especially my own family members. I hate my brother. I am having problems in bed with my husband. I’m so depressed. My life has not gotten back to normal. I’ve become very sensitive and have low tolerance for my family members. I need help….I hate men. …I feel my husband one day would cheat on me. I don’t know where to seek help. My doctor just said to forget it. I TRULY CAN’T.

Please give me direction what to do. I live in Toronto. Thanks

Thank you for reaching out to us concerning this situation and I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Also, I am sorry to hear that you felt sexually harassed by a family member. It is okay to feel the way that you are feeling. Have you thought about receiving counseling? If so, you can talk to an advocate to help you process through your feelings and offer you additional resources that are available to you in your area by calling us at 916-920-2952. Additionally, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 where they can also offer you more resources that may be relevant to your situation. You are not alone and talking about it will help you move forward one step at a time.

Throughout the time I was with him, my now ex, daughter’s, used to touch me even when I refused. Mainly he would try/get his hand under my pants. If I told him no, he would ask me if that upset me, if I said yes, he would get upset with me. This went on the whole time we were together (about 6 years on and off). Sometimes I would say no and he would walk off upset, sometimes I would say no and try to move away but he would resist and kept trying to get his hand in there, sometimes I didn’t say anything but would try to move his hand away, to which he resisted. Sometimes I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want him to get upset. It went on until about 4 months ago when we weren’t together anymore. The last thing he did was touch my behind in public, after I had seriously told him I didn’t like that after previous occasions. He said it wasn’t his fault because he couldn’t resist. I recently talked to him about it and he basically said it was my fault because I didn’t make myself be respected with other guys (because of having casual sex with other guys when we weren’t together).

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about what happened. I am sorry you had to experience this and want to commend you for remaining so strong. It is not right for anyone to touch you without your consent and it is not your fault. Remember that you are not responsible for his actions and that essentially he is.  People have the right to make personal choices depending on whom they wish to give consent to and if he was making you feel uncomfortable he should have respected that boundary. If at some point you wish to talk to someone about it, please do not hesitate to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. We will be able to provide you with additional support and resources depending on your location. Keep in mind that you are not alone and that you have the right to say no without being disrespected or shamed.

Last month I was at my house when I got a call from my ex-boyfriend he asked if he could come over-we’re now friends by the way- so I said yeah come on over. Once he got here he hugged me saying hello but it felt different and a little uncomfortable but I didn’t pay much attention to it so we talked for a while in the living room and I realized that he was getting closer and closer to me, to the point where he was on my face and trying to lay me down to get on top of me but I kept backing away.  It got to the point where he just got rough and slammed me on the couch, got on top of me and started kissing me while holding my hands so I couldn’t move and I couldn’t move my body at all, I kept telling him no and please stop but he kept going. He kept going to the point he was able to rip my clothes and he begun to take of his clothes. We did have sex- or more like he made me have sex with him-he didn’t use a condom, I had bruises on my wrists where he was holding me tight, I took a picture of my bruises thinking I would need it and I also saved all the text messages including one where he said “did you like it?” ” I’m sorry it happened that way I didn’t mean to hurt you but you didn’t give me another choice” and “next time it’ll be better you’ll love it” and I really don’t want this to happen again. I haven’t been able to sleep at night I have nightmares and I feel like I don’t want to get near this one guy that likes me and that I like…. My period is now 6 weeks late should I go with a doctor? No one knows what happened; I don’t know what to do should I report him with sexual assault? I did some research and it said it’s not valid if I was the one who let him in to my house. if I’m pregnant i don’t want him to be near me and the baby or any sort of child support; I want him to pay the consequences because I know I refused and he assaulted me. I just want to know where to start? How do I tell my parents? What should I do if I’m pregnant? How will this affect me? What should I expect if I can charge him with rape? , ETC or should I just stay quiet…. I need some advice… please!

I’m 17 years old and he’s now 19 that makes it illegal right? He’s considered an adult now.

Hello. Thank you so much for reaching out to us for help. I am so sorry this happened to you without your consent. Whether you had let him inside your home or not, it is still not acceptable for someone to force you to have sex. No means no. It is also illegal for an adult to have sex with a minor. Here are some options you can think about. It is recommended that when someone has been sexually assaulted that it be reported to law enforcement as soon as possible so a report can be made. Another step to keep in mind is to visit your primary health provider to make sure you are all right. Your health provider will be able to test for pregnancy and help in reducing the chances of contracting any sexually transmitted diseases.  Talking to a trusted parent or friend will be helpful in supporting you through this traumatic event as well. Talking about it enforces healing.  You can also talk to an experienced advocate who will be able to go in depth about the options available to you and any other questions you may have at 916-920-2952. WEAVE also offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. Let us know how we can help in this process by calling our Support and Information Line. Thank you!

My friend just told me that she’s having sex with this guy she’s living with in order to stay in his house. I think this is a form of rape, am I correct? I don’t know if this is important but they’re both 18.

We appreciate you connecting with WEAVE regarding this matter. For the purposes of defining rape it is described by the FBI as “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, without the consent of the victim.” Sexually assaulted individuals can either be forced through threats or physical means. If a person is being pressured, obligated or forced to have sex it is still considered sexual assault. Consent must exist for it to be mutual. The age range is also an important factor because if they were under 18 years of age it would be illegal for them to be engaging in any type of sexual intercourse. If you believe your friend is feeling threatened to have sex and is also in fear for her life you can encourage her to call law enforcement right away and report the crime. There are also other available resources she can use if she is afraid of becoming homeless and other programs like Salvation Army in her area that can provide some resources for her as well. If she is in need of talking to someone about what is going on and other resources within her area to seek help she can call our Information and Support Line to provide her with connections that may be available to her at 916-920-2952. Thank you!

What are you doing to get data out there about the high number of males being molested and even raped? I am a survivor of rape and molestation. I have done a lot of research on these subjects and have had lots of therapy. I am female. I would like to know what weave is doing to get the news out there that males are raped and molested as well as females. It seems to me that since males are doing most of the abuse that a strong campaign should be done to get these facts/numbers out there about how many males are sexually abused every year. Then maybe more men would get help and stop abusing. I have never heard anything on the news or in a new paper about the number of male that are abused every year in this country. I would be willing to stand on a street corner and pass out fliers to men or pass out information to students. We have to start schooling all children about abuse of little boys. I prayed to not have a daughter for fear that she would be assaulted. No one told me little boys were molested and, as it turned out the did get molested. Thank you for posting on our message board about this important topic! I am so sorry to hear that you experienced sexual abuse. You are correct in stating that men also experience domestic violence and sexual abuse. Since domestic violence and sexual assault have been taboo discussion topics throughout history, it has been difficult for survivors to come forward and seek justice, especially male survivors because of the stigma it follows as well as self-blame. Despite what you have been through it’s great to hear that you have some ideas about improving services for men. At WEAVE we have been working in partnership with other community organizations that reach out to our community to bring awareness regarding male survivors. Our outreach department works towards providing informational and educational presentations at schools to bring awareness to the younger generation. Our goal is to bring a broader awareness as a means for prevention and in hopes that our community as whole would not tolerate sexual abuse or domestic violence upon others. It is a work in progress and it starts with breaking the stigma and the taboo that males do not get abused or sexually assaulted.  Please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss this issue further, as we would love to hear your input and answer any questions you may have about our services in depth. Thank you!

I was sexually abused between the ages of 9-14 by two of my mother’s relationship partners of the time period. I know that I want to file an Incident Report now before the age of 28, but I also want to explore the possibility of pressing charges. I have a clean record and these are not resurfaced memories. They never left me. Neither perpetrator successfully raped me, but they both tried. My family was and still is grossly unsupportive. I left my home when I was 17 years old. While in college I was diagnosed with PTSD at 21 with symptoms of systematic anxiety attacks, insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, and a single episode of major depression near the time of my diagnosis. Despite that I have successfully finished my college degree and am living a normal life except in that I have a very difficult time forming and especially maintaining relationships with anyone and my PTSD symptoms are yet present on a regular basis.

I have been told that I have until my 28th birthday to press charges. Is that true?
If so, please direct me to any resources available through WEAVE to prepare myself and/or begin the process.

Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us for additional support. I want to start off with saying how much of a true survivor you are! Despite this traumatic experience you have managed to pull through your education and have dealt with this awful experience. Our Information and Support Line is available 24/7. You can talk about the situation in greater detail and the county you are in in order to direct you to the right services. Every county or jurisdiction carries out different requirements. You may be directed to a legal advocate who may be of help and if not can also give you more information at greater detail. If you are interested in counseling WEAVE offers 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions. I commend you for your strength and again thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for help.

When I was 7, my brother started molesting me. It started with him just wanting me to take my shirt off, and then he started wanting to touch and other things. He molested me for 2 years. I convinced myself for a while that he just didn’t know what he was doing. Now that I’m 15 and he’s an adult, I understand that he fully knew what he was doing. I’ve been dealing with depression, insomnia, anxiety, and self-esteem issues for a while because of it. I don’t want to go to therapy, and I don’t want to tell my parents or confront him. But I’m tired of feeling depressed and anxious about it. What do I do?

Hello. I am sorry to hear this happened to you and that you had to endure this for a long time. Talking about what happened with a trusted close friend, family member, or an experienced advocate on our Information and Support Line will promote the healing that is needed. The more you talk about it the more hurt is released and dealt with at a deeper level. It is okay to feel the way that you are feeling and it is a natural process that needs to occur in order to get you to that dealing process of talking about it. It is also very important to not judge yourself about how you feel or react. You can always start by calling the Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 where we can also provide you with additional resources available to you. If at some point you wish to seek counseling, WEAVE offers 8 free sexual assault counseling sessions. Just keep in mind that you are not alone through this journey of healing and that resources are available to help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year. I know that he loves me very deeply and would do anything for me. Recently, my friends have told me that they heard about my boyfriend sending his friends naked pictures of me and receiving naked pictures of other girls from his school. I confronted my boyfriend about this and he denied it. He gets very very angry when I ask him about it and tells me that he doesn’t want to be with me if I don’t believe him. This leads me to believe that it’s true, but I don’t have proof. I’ve thought about asking his mom in confidence to check his texting history and see if he did send naked pictures of me to his friends. I am still with him, because I love him very much and don’t want to lose him. But it kills me to think that my pictures may be on other people’s phones/internet sites. I know that he loves me and he would only do that because of peer pressure and immaturity, I just need to know for sure if it happened or not. I don’t know how to do this.

Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE concerning this incident. I am sorry to hear this is going on. It is illegal for anyone to forward and disperse nude photos whether or not consent was given. The school counselor would be a beneficial source to talk to about how to process this situation. Law enforcement agencies also have teen groups where a safe space would be provided in order to talk about what’s going on and how to seek help to properly address the situation. Depending on your location a Boy’s & Girls Club should also be able to assist and talking to a trusted adult will provide you the support that you need. You can also call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 if you wish to talk about it in detail in order to provide you with resources around your area as well as help you process how you are feeling.

When I was between the ages of 7 and 9, my brother(age 12-14 at the time) use to let me use his toys in exchange for “favors”. These favors consisted of me showing him genitals and/or letting him touch them. Was this just his way of experimenting with puberty? Or was he molesting me?

I am sorry to hear this and thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this matter. Child molestation is described as making annoying sexual advances, which can include forced physical and/or sexual contact. Molestation would fall as a type of sexual assault which is described as any type of unwanted sexual conduct or behavior without consent. In terms of sexual acts involving a child, a child is not able to give consent. Please feel free to contact our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 for any other additional questions or to talk about the incident in depth with an experienced advocate, as well as more information on counseling, if at some point you wish to seek sexual assault counseling services. 

I um… Well this guy, he is one year older then me and one day he pushed me down and touched and grabbed at my chest. It was such a little thing in his mind, and reading other stories of people who had survived rape made it a little thing in my mind as well seeing as the stories I read where talking about how the people had survived it for so much longer (He only did it once to me) and how they had to survive things that where so much worse! So well it seemed so little that I thought if I said anything to the police then they would shrug it off saying something like “Just tell him no next time” Or something like that, or if I told my mother then she would not believe me or that she would ask him and he would tell her that I WANTED to do it! I don’t know what to do… My mother set it up so that he would come to our house every week and I can just feel his eyes looking at me. Is it still rape? Is something that even worth telling anybody about? If not then why do I feel like it was my fault/why do I feel so guilty?

Hello. Thank you for sharing your experience. It is never okay to touch a person without consent and no sexual assault is ever little or small. You are entitled to feel the way you are feeling and it is worth letting your mother know that it was not right and that it did not feel right as well as reporting it to law enforcement. If you do not feel safe talking about it with anyone else, please free to contact our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. You will get to talk to an experienced advocate who will listen and provide you with additional resources and options that may be available to you.

I have posted here before about my experience with what I thought may have been a sexual assault. I am now 21 years old, it has been almost 3 years since my “assault”. I went to a bar last week and was dancing with a guy. His hands were on my waist, but it felt like maybe he was trying more I’m not sure if he was trying to try to touch me in the way that the guy did when I was assaulted or not but I reacted in this crazy emotional way, even though its been almost 3 years, I cried for hours after and felt like I couldn’t get out. I don’t know if I even need advice, I’m not sure why I’m posting here, I just need to let it out.

Hi. Thank you for reaching out to us! I appreciate you taking the time to talk about it. This was a trigger that you experienced and it is completely normal. It is alright to cry about it and take the time to breathe as well. If you are open to counseling WEAVE offers 8 free sessions of sexual assault counseling to survivors of sexual assault. If you wish to attend, the first step to receiving counseling is to attend a free walk-in triage which takes place every Tuesday and Thursday from 12pm to 2pm and Wednesdays from 5pm to 7pm. No appointment needed. If you do not wish to seek counseling at this time but would like to seek additional support through your healing journey, please feel free to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. An experienced advocate can not only provide you with emotional support, but also referrals pertinent to your experience. Remember that talking about the incident is just another form of healing. Thank you.

My younger sister has lived a very difficult life full of hurtful choices. I could never understand why she did the things she did, self medicating to the point of near death, more than once. She has been sober now for a year and finally opened up to tell me that she thinks she has PTSD because she has all the symptoms. I did not understand why or how, she had been traumatized and she told me that she had been molested several times as a child. I am grateful that she has faced her monster and has shared it with me. My heart aches for her. Now what do I do to help her. She has not said no to counseling, but I don’t think she is ready for it. When I bring it up she changes the subject. She does not live in Sacramento so coming to your class there is not going to happen. Where else can I look for help for her and how can I help her myself?

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to express your concerns for your sister. It takes exactly that type of support to get someone through this difficult patch and just like you I would like to commend your sister for opening up to you, which shows progress already. The first thing is to listen and believe. Validating her emotions and providing that safe place to talk about her experience is a great way towards healing. If she is not ready for counseling, she can began by contacting our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. On our Information and Support Line she can also obtain further emotional support and additional counseling services around her area and keeping in mind that she can also attend WEAVE’s sexual assault counseling if she wishes to do so in the future. Thank you!  

Hi. I live in California and I have a cousin that gets sexually abused. She is only 6 years old and I was wondering if there is anything I can do for her. The thing is that she lives in Mexico and her family doesn’t want to do anything about it because they are scared. But I don’t want to leave my little cousin on her own. Is there something I can do to help her? Good afternoon and thank you for reaching out to us for information and resources. I am sorry that your little cousin is in this situation. Fear is a common feeling for families in similar situations. The fact that the abuse is taking place in another country is a challenge but there are resources that can definitely help. The World Health Organization’s office in Mexico can be contacted at +52 55 59800871. They can provide guidance and resources for handling this matter. You may also want to contact the Consulate of Mexico at (415) 354-1700. They can provide resources and services in the state where your family resides in Mexico. Please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line if you have additional questions. Thank you.

Almost exactly one year ago, my then boyfriend of two years raped me. It took a long time for me to be able to tell anyone. Six months later, he broke up with me and it was a great relief. A year later, he is still not done terrorizing my life. Because he has not stopped threatening me and my loved ones, I felt like it was necessary to talk to a police officer about what happened, which has brought up many difficult emotions to deal with. The officer advised that I press charges and have him arrested, but I am very afraid to do so. I know the evil things he is capable of and he knows where I live. I am so frightened and it’s starting to really affect me (I have a stress-induced heart condition, terrible anxiety, and horrific nightmares). What can I do?

Hello! Thank you for contacting WEAVE in regards to this situation. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. We would like to help. We are available to talk in depth about this situation on our Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. An experienced advocate may help you process the assault and may offer more information in regards to the help we can provide or additional resources that may be available to you. We understand that victims may be reluctant to report and most of the time it can be the result of fear and that is normal and understandable. Also, it is very important to remember that it is not your fault and that you are entitled to your emotions. Talking about the incident with those you trust or a sexual assault counselor will help with healing and give you strength. This may be one of the first steps that can potentially help you the most. You can also attend our free walk-in triages that are available every Tuesday and Thursday from 12pm to 2pm and Wednesdays from 5pm to 7pm. No appointment needed. There you will get to talk one-on-one with a counselor and talk about your concerns and questions and also obtain additional resources.

My 19 year daughter was recently sexually assaulted and is afraid to talk about it.I found out by asking her yes or no questions. She was gang raped by people that she possibly knew.i have tried for the past two days to talk to her but she just doesn’t want to talk about it.i am a frantic and concerned Mom and have even tried to take her to the hospital but she has constantly refused to go..Help me please what shall I do???she just stays in her room curled up ..she needs help

Hello, and thank you for reaching out to use for help. This is a difficult time not only for your daughter, but for you as well. Sometimes being there for her is probably the best support and offering her WEAVE’s resources may also be a beneficial step as well. Our Support and Information Line is available at 916-920-2952. She can talk to an experienced advocate who can provide her with emotional support and offer her resources. Encouraging her to seek counseling is also a great advantage that will help with fostering healing. In order to receive counseling she must attend one of our free walk-in triages that take place at our 1900 K Street location every Tuesday and Thursday from 12pm to 2pm and Wednesday from 5pm to 7pm. Thank you and I hope this helps.

I was sexually assaulted at work and then after I reported it to my supervisor I was still forced to face my attacker everyday for 3 months before they let him go for other reasons. I did not report it to the police. I actually suppressed it and the finally remembered it and told my husband and after that I told my doctor who added it to his report for my Worker’s comp case. I am need to counseling for my PTSD has I was sexually assaulted when I was a little girl for 16 years. Are you able to help me?

Hello, I am so sorry you had to go through this. It is a very difficult situation to have gone through this alone, but glad that you are talking about it. Talking about the sexual assault provides you with a chance to process the incident and move towards healing. We would love to be a part of that recovery process as well. We currently offer counseling for sexual assault survivors. The first step to receiving these services is by attending one of our free walk-in triages that take place at our 1900 K Street location every Tuesday and Thursday from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday from 5pm-7pm. You’ll get chance to talk one-on-one with a counselor who will then inform you of the services we offer in depth and answer any questions you may have. You can also contact our 24-Hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 and speak to an experienced advocate who can provide you with some additional emotional support. You are not alone and we would like to be there for you.

Is it possible to have flashbacks of a rape from being roofied years later but not remembering anything about it previously. I believe I was roofied when I was 18 at a house party and I barely remember much of that evening but a few things do stand out. I remember being extremely incoherent before I blacked out and waking up hours later asking my friend for help to call someone to get me. I was still very incoherent I couldn’t even make the ca myself. 9 years later I have been having flashbacks and I actually remember waking up to someone on top of me and others being outside of the door laughing and yelling things. I don’t know if I’ve always known this and repressed it from my memory or if I’m truly only remember now. Please help.

Hello, I am sorry this is starting to resurface. I hope you know now that it was not your fault and that services exist to help you through this tough patch. One of the many steps to recovery is by talking about it with those you trust or by contacting our 24-Hour Information and Support Line. You will also have the opportunity to talk about the incident in more detail and the advocate will be able to support you through this process or offer other information that may be useful to you. If you are seeking to talk to a counselor the first step to receiving any counseling services is by attending our free walk-in triages that take place at our 1900 K Street location every Tuesday and Thursday from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday from 5pm-7pm. Please feel free to contact us regarding this situation, so that we can be able to provide you with more information that will lead to a healthy healing process.

Hi. I am looking for some help. I was just able to speak out about a Sexual assault incident I went through a few months back. It happened in another state with a friend/business partner. I wanted to know if I would like to file charges do I have to go to the state where it happened in . I am also going through another issue is I was in an abusive marriage for years and was thinking of filing for divorce then the sept incident happened and it got to much for me in Oct I overdosed and I am in therapy and am fine now ..no prior incidents. I have PTSD from abuse and the assault incidents . Im scared of the thought of pursuing 2 cases at once though . But I have found my voice and want to at least make sure it doesnt happen to any other woman . He is a predator. Thank u so much for the help . I have just starting talking about the assault since Jan and yes I feel ashamed but I clearly said no & was threatened & bullied . Thank u so much Hello and thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this situation. Before I mention anything else I just wanted to confirm what you mentioned in the end, it is not your fault and although feeling ashamed is a very common feeling it also important to note that you are also not alone in this process. The first step to healing is to talk about the assault. WEAVE offers one-on-one counseling as well as support groups that can help you every step of the way. The first step to receiving these services is by attending our free walk-in triages that take place at our 1900 K Street location every Tuesday’s and Thursday’s from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5pm-7pm. You also mentioned that this happened in another state and due to the limited amount of information stated, it is best if you contact our 24-Hour Information  and Support Line at 916-920-2952, so that an advocate can provide you with more detailed options and information that are available to you. Also, another option would be to contact law enforcement in the jurisdiction where the crime occurred for more information on what to do next. Additionally, you mentioned beginning the divorce process and wanted to include that WEAVE also offers legal services that can potentially help you along the way as well. Thank you again. Your strength is amazing!

I keep blaming myself for not fighting back or ever saying no. I didn’t say anything. I was drunk and he already knew it was something I didn’t want to do . I feel like I might have even been trying to convince myself that I wanted to do it. The whole thing is just so strange and I can’t stop wondering what I could have done differently, how I could have stopped it from happening.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Being drunk is not an open invitation to sexual assault, especially if consent was not given in the first place. There are 2 important things you should keep in mind: It was not your fault and you are not alone.  Talking to a close friend, family member, and/or WEAVE’s 24-Hour Information and Support Line for additional support is one of the first steps you can take towards healing.  You can talk to any of our experienced advocates on the 24-Hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. If after talking to an advocate you decide that you want to seek more information regarding the counseling process, you are more than welcome to attend WEAVE’s free walk-in triage where you will get to meet one-on-one with a counselor and let you know about the services that are available to you. WEAVE’s triages take place at our 1900 K Street location every Tuesday’s and Thursday’s from 10am to 1pm and Wednesday’s 4pm to 7pm.  Thank you for reaching out to us and remember you are a survivor.

I’ve been sexually asked several times. Mostly when I was in middle school and high school and once as an adult. I work with a counselor I appreciate very much. But I feel like I’m never going to heal. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and although my job entails working a lot with people, when I get home I hide. I feel useless. I feel like I’ve wasted my life being afraid but when I met someone I end up getting hurt. I want to get married and have kids but I can’t hold a normal conversation with a guy without triggering. My counselor says it is possible to heal emotionally. I can’t see that right now. I’m just in pain and feel bad. The body memories are too much and I just want to crawl out of my skin. I think about looking into your group therapy but I’m terrified of people. I’ve had people in the past tell me things were my fault. I’m terrified of going downtown. I’ve had to move back in with family because I can’t a afford to live alone though I desperately need the space. Are these feeling normal? Am I? Will I ever heal? What can I do when I’m scared? Hello. I am sorry that this has happened to you. The more support you have the better. It is important to know that you are not alone and that it is completely normal to feel the way you are feeling. I want to thank you for reaching out to us for additional support. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors of sexual assault and works towards the healing process. Additionally, WEAVE offers a 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 where an advocate is available to offer support during this tough process. If after speaking to an advocate and you feel you are ready to attend counseling, the first step to receive services is by attending our free-walk in triage where you will be able to meet one-on-one with an experienced counselor who in return will be able to provide you with additional information regarding the counseling process or other resources. These triages take place every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street location. Thank you again for reaching out to us and remember you are not alone, we can help.
Is a guy fingering a girl without consent rape? I feel like if it’s not rape it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t be so shaken up.
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for more clarification regarding this question. Consent must exist in order to be considered consensual. If consent was not given than it is considered sexual assault. Any type of sexual assault matter is something that needs more in depth attention. It is completely understandable to feel shaken up about this incident. It may helpful to contact our 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional support and/or are seeking for a more in depth understanding of sexual assault and consent. Also, WEAVE offers free counseling services in regards to sexual assault. The first step to accessing these counseling services is by attending our free walk-in triage which takes place every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street location.
 
I have been quiet about my assault for about 6 years now. I have a very hard time talking and admitting it happened but it has caused anxiety attacks, nightmares, depression and the rest. Sometimes I feel broken because it’s been so long and I’m not over it yet. I want to get help, but it is so scary and so hard for me to reach out I don’t know where to start. I saw on one of your other posts that you have a place to go on k street, but how can I start? How can anyone just walk in and say “hey you don’t know me but I need free help so here is something I can’t even say out loud when I’m alone.” Is there anywhere I can call or go to, to start out? I’m not ready to jump in fully yet but I’m tired of suffering alone and I don’t feel crisis hotlines are for me since it happened so long ago. Advice is needed and welcome. Thank you. Good evening. Thank you for contacting us and commend you for taking this step toward healing. It is absolutely normal to feel what you are describing and we want you to feel comfortable speaking with someone when you are ready. Asking for services is difficult but can also be empowering. Our counseling center is located at 1900 K Street and you are welcome to walk in for a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm. These traige hours will be changing beginning in January so please contact us if you need those later on. During triage, you will have an opportunity to meet with a counselor and discuss ways that this may be the most helpful for you. You can express you concerns as well. The service is survivor-centered and focused on what your specific needs are. If you would like to talk with someone on the phone prior to making the decision regarding attending triage, then you are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate is always available to provide emotional support and resources.
I’m a male survivor of severe childhood sexual assault and abuse. I have looked everywhere in and around the Sacramento area for support groups and have had no luck. I don’t know if you can help me, but can you refer me in the right direction? I can travel outside the area if needed. Thank you in advance for your help. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for resources. It is unclear whether you are seeking information for male-only groups or co-ed groups. So that we can provide you the best information, please contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for the details on the counseling services that we offer. You can also call the National Sexual Assault Line at 800-656-4673 for additional services in the surrounding areas.
My 13 year old daughter was recording herself with her phone when she started I had distracted her asking if she had done something she was supposed to do she forgot about the phone recording and eventually got changed while recording and was exposed on the camera. Later my father in law stole the phone (he had lived with us) when we made him leave our home due to search history and other findings we found the phone and that is when I discovered my daughter’s video. It was mixed in with up to 50+ downloaded porns mostly containing incest. My question is …. is this enough to press charges on my father in law? Thank you for contacting us for support. The best option would be to report this to Law Enforcement. Your daughter can also get a Domestic Violence Restraining Order protection against the Grandfather, but reporting it to Law Enforcement would be a great first start. The Sacramento Police Department’s non emergency phone number is 916-264-5471 if you are in Sacramento’s jurisdiction. If you are outside of their jurisdiction, then they can notify you of which law enforcement jurisdiction you are in and provide you with that number. You may also contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line if you would like additional resources. This number is 916-920-2952.

Hello, 
I have been raped twice. Once by someone who was supposed to be my friend, and then about a year later by my then boyfriend. I tried getting help through insurance, through free county healthcare, I even tried to find this organization because I heard you help people like me. Can I get free services from anywhere, (I am currently a full time student)? I have nightmares, anxiety, depression and unpredictable meltdowns. It’s humiliating and I need help. Thank you for your time.

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry this happened to you and hope that our services can assist you in the healing process. Nightmares, anxiety, depression, and meltdowns are all symptoms of trauma and are normal after going though what you have. You are not alone. WEAVE provides free counseling services, including individual and group. You can sign up for these services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources or emotional support. WEAVE is here to support you!
It was the summer before my senior year of high school and me and one of my best friends went to a party and we new people at this party. Me and my best friend were planning on sleeping together that night but things didn’t turn out the way we planned. A lot of alcohol was involved, but by the end of the night I just remember sitting in the family room and hearing guys talking about dirty things they wanted to do to me and my friend. We were so highly intoxicated that we couldn’t move, at least I couldn’t. Sometimes I wonder if I was drugged or if I just drank to much. Well somehow I ended up in a bed and I know for a fact I was alone when I fell asleep. Later on that night/morning, I woke up to one of the guys at the party in bed with me. I was so completely out of it that it took me a minute to realize what was going on and to wake up, but I woke up to him fingering me, he was taking my clothes off, groping me, and his pants were down. I was passed out-drunk, asleep and sleeping on my side, facing the door, so he had to have sneaked in and came up and laid behind me, I was not facing him because when I woke up to what he was doing to me, I had to role over. I freaked out and told him to leave the room, but he kept begging for sex. He finally left the room and I locked the door. I would have left the house after that happened but it was still late and I was still highly intoxicated. Me and my friend left in the morning. It’s been four years now and I never thought of this as sexual violence or assault and I think I erased it from my memory in high school. But now, its haunting me for some reason and I can’t seem to figure it out. I feel like something is missing, empty and wrong and I don’t know why I am feeling this way 4 years later. It triggered me so badly last semester at college because one of my professors told a similar story of her friends son having something like this happen to him and I had a flashback I think. I constantly think about it and every time I pass the house that it happened in I freeze up or even when I pass his house he lives in, because we are from the same town. I just wish I would have talked to somebody and not blocked it from my memory because now I am having difficulties with it. I feel ashamed and I wasn’t even raped at least I don’t think so. I always think that, if I was that intoxicated and woke up to him touching and fingering me, and I don’t even know how long he was doing it until I woke up, then what else could he have done to me while I was passed out. I never told my parents, only my sister, a few friends and one college professor. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry that you experienced this and want you to know that this is not your fault and you are not alone. It is difficult to reach out for support during this difficult time and commend you for taking this step. It is very normal to feel what you are describing, as well as to be triggered by similar stories and such. Sometimes, our reaction to “erase” it initially is a way of coping with the trauma.  It is also very common to be confused about how to label what happened. What you are describing is sexual assault since it was unwanted, not consensual. It may be helpful to see a counselor to help guide you through the healing process. WEAVE provides free counseling services. This service can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional information, resources, and/or emotional support. 

Four years ago when I was a freshman in college I had a traumatic experience with a friend of mine (lets call him John) and fellow student on my campus. I had just broken up with my long distance boyfriend and was absolutely heartbroken. John was helping me through it and I was happy that someone was willing to be there for me at such a difficult time. 

Less than a week after the breakup me and a group of friends (including John) got together in one of our dorm rooms to drink and watch a movie. John brought some alcohol, which I particularly liked, and I drank a lot of it. All of us did. The rest starts to get hazy. I remember that we all semi-passed out around the same time. We all got extremely tired and collapsed on the bed. Someone asked John to turn the lights off. As soon as the room was dark I remember John lying completely on top of me. I couldn’t move or speak. My arms felt like lead and I couldn’t lift my head. Then I don’t remember how much time passed but all of a sudden John was kissing me on my face and neck and chest. I don’t remember if he ever touched my breasts or not. He didn’t try to finger me. But I think I remember feeling his erection and him rubbing up against me as I lay on the bed. It gets hazy again after that. I remember at some point he got up and left the room, but shortly after that he came back and started doing the same things to me. I remember crying and thinking “well I can’t move or speak or do anything, so I’m just going to close my eyes and pretend it’s my ex-boyfriend and not John doing this.” 

And then another friend who was in the room came to realize something was going on and he told John to stop. Somehow I got enough strength to prop myself up on my hands and finally get out of the room, where I collapsed sobbing in the hallway. Next thing I know John is bursting out of the room and leaves the building. The friend who stopped it came and comforted me. I know that eventually I walked back across campus by myself to my own dorm and went to bed, but I have no memory whatsoever of actually going back to my room. I received two texts later from John. One was “what just happened?” The other was, “I don’t know what you must think of me, I really like you.”

I have been struggling with the emotional aftermath of this night for some time. The first year was the hardest, but about a year and a half later I found myself beginning to heal. Still, my reactions when I saw him around campus were ones of panic, anxiety, and fear. In the past few years I have learned to control my reactions and recognize when they are coming on, but I still question myself and wonder about what exactly happened that night, whether I overreacted, and whether my emotions are even valid. Was I even sexually assaulted if no penetration happened and he didn’t use his hands to touch me down there? Can I even be sure my emotions are valid if I can’t remember everything? And then I think about how I don’t know how far John was willing to go that night or what would have happened if he hadn’t been stopped. He genuinely thought he did nothing wrong.

I am sorry you experienced this four years ago and praise you for reaching out for support. It is normal to feel confused about what happened and how to proceed with healing and especially when memory is limited. It is important to know that what happened to you is not your fault regardless of limited memory. Sexual Assault is any sexual act that is unwanted. This includes kissing, groping, fondling. Penetration does not have to happen for it to be a sexual assault. Healing from something like this can take a long time and it may be helpful to talk about it with someone. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 11-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources and/or emotional support. 
Hello. I was ‘assaulted’ in 2011.. the reason I put that in quotes is because I truly do not know what happened. I was with a guy friend (we weren’t dating, but liked each other), I consented to eating a ‘weed cookie’, but noticed I was passing out and coming back to consciousness on a mattress in his room. He would be in 69 position at times, as well as on top of me trying to kiss me as I lay on this mattress. When I was finally brought home (not by the attacker) my parents took me immediately to the hospital. I was then taken to a clinic to get a rape kit done, after the policeman was done interviewing me at the hospital. Through a long and emotionally painful process working with a Detective within the DV Response team, nothing was answered. I have no idea if my clothes were scanned for DNA, if i was raped, or anything. I continued counseling through the Yolo County DV & SA services. However, this made me feel awkward so I stopped going. 
I’m coming up on the 3 year anniversary and I was wondering if there are services for me?
Hello. I am sorry this happened to you and commend you for reaching out for support. It is normal to feel the way you are and to be triggered by the event anniversary. This is a difficult time and there are services available for you. You can access our counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays between 11-1pm or Wednesdays between 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. An advocate can also go over the services available to you and additional resources that may be beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for these additional services and/or emotional support. 
I feel like I was coerced but I’m not sure. If I was coerced, then I did not give consent right? I said things like, “I don’t know”, “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I’m a virgin” over and over again. Would those things fall under coercion and not giving consent? Good afternoon. Thank you for contacting us for support and clarification about sexual assault. Sexual assault is a term used to describe any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will, or any non-consensual sexual touching of a person. The statements that you have given are not “consenting”. It may be helpful to discuss your situation with an advocate. WEAVE provides counseling services and these can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 11-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center.

Hello, my son was abused when he was 6 years old. I didn’t find this information out until this year now that he is 13 years old when he went away on a summer vacation with my friend’s son. He then tells me the boy was trying to fondle him and they both did. Now the other boy’s mother is saying my son molested her son and has filed a polic report against my son and myself. We are in NYC and I’m just trying to figure out what i need to do to avoid this from escalating anymore. She has contacted me several times through texts, being very rude and has threatened to make a scene. At this point, I don’t know what to do and just need help and some answers on what approach to take.

Hello. I’m sorry your family is going through this. There are several agencies in your area that may be able to assist you and your son with services and resources. The New york Alliance Against Sexual Assault (212-229-0345), the New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault (518-482-4222), and the New York State DV and Sexual Assault Violence Hotline (1-800-942-6906) are agencies that can assist you. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 1-866-920-2952 for additional resources.

I have a history of being sexually abused, and cannot sexually touch my partner. I have panic attacks and will not do any thing of the sort unless commanded to do so. My current partner has never tried to force or coerce me to touch him, but has reached his limit and thinks I find him repulsive, which is not the case. Any advice? Please help.

Good morning. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is important to know that your panic attacks and feelings you are experiencing are a normal response from the trauma of being sexually abused. Open communication with your partner may be helpful. It may also be helpful for you to access some counseling services to help with the processing of any unresolved trauma and also for some tools to address your questions. WEAVE offers free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 11-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. You may also contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.
My Grandson is acting out sexually. The mother of the three year old filed a police report and contacted CPS in January. 2014. I did not witness the act, she did. She reported it. There have been several other complaints regarding my Grandsons welfare. Nothing is being done, how can I get him and my daughter help if she just punishes him? Help please.

Hello and thank you for contacting us for resources and support. It may be helpful to contact the Child Abuse Prevention Council of Sacramento and request home visitation services for the family. The home visitor/advocate can assess the situation and family needs and provide resources specific to their needs. This home visitation service also includes positive parenting education and support, as well as comprehensive case management and collaboration with other agencies. The Child Abuse Prevention Council number is 916-244-1900 and their address is 4700 Roseville Rd., Suite. 102,  North Highlands, CA  95660. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 

Last year I was out with friends on a night out. I started walking home and was joined by some guys I knew from work or through school and one guy I’d never met. They walked me home and this guy I’d not met before kept trying to hold my hand and walk with me. When I got to my road, all the guys I knew walked off from this guy and he followed me home. When I told him to leave me alone he refused and kept following. He then pushed his way into my house and wouldn’t leave no matter how much I told him to. He just wouldn’t leave. He then ended up getting undressed (still had boxers on) and climbed into my bed. I set up a bed on the floor and settled down. I was pretty much asleep when I was awoken by him pinning my wrists down to the floor, kissing my neck and trying to get into my pj’s. I told him to stop and pushed him off and he staggered back into my bed. Is this considered sexual assault? Or am I over reacting. I’ve not been able to get it out my head since it happened.

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Sexual assault is a term used to describe any sexual act that is unwanted. What you are describing is considered sexual assault. WEAVE offers free counseling services which can be accessed by attending traige on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10a-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.
Hi. I’m not entirely sure where to start and how much any of this is actually classified as sexual assault. But here it goes…

When I was a teenager I developed quite late on and have since always been small and fairly underdeveloped in my opinion. But during my teenage years I distinctly remember three occasions when my dad would hug me from behind (which was strange in itself because he’s not a huggy person) and put his hands down my top to feel my breasts – I didn’t like it, I think I knew it was wrong, and it made me uncomfortable so I pushed him off each time and he’d clear his throat and leave to continue whatever he was doing before. I don’t know if he was trying to see how I was developing or whether he was being sexual but I have never mentioned this to anyone in my family or friends or even spoken to him about it. I’m 24 now and we get along well but I still get uncomfortable with any form of physical contact from him – especially on the rare occasion that we hug. I have a younger sister who is 16 now and I occasionally worry about her and whether he does/has done the same to her. I can’t talk to her about it though because that would mean admitting that it happened to me. I’m not sure if I’m blowing that out of proportion but is that sexual assault?

Also when I travelled to New Zealand on my own when I was 19 – I had a great time and was very confident on my own and felt perfectly able to handle and defend myself. Until one hostel I stayed at I was put in a room with five guys. I should have asked for a different room but I was tired from travelling all day so I just put up with it. The next day 3 of them left and the other 2 seemed nice and played guitar and we had fun. One of them smoked weed and asked if I wanted any when we went out the back of the hostel – I said no and felt confident when he didn’t push it. But later that day when I was reading on my bed he came over and tried giving me a massage – I asked him to stop and he did so we chatted. Then he tried again and pushed his hand up under my top and round to touch my breasts – I told him no and he stopped. After dinner most of the hostel were sitting around in the lounge on the sofas watching a movie so I joined them. Then this guy from my room joined us and sat right next to me. As the film continued he pulled the blanket over us and pulled me down to lie against him – I didn’t want to cause a fuss so I just stayed there. I felt really awkward with all those people around I didn’t know what to do when he put is hand down my top again – under the blanket so no one could see. I asked him quietly to stop but he just said he ‘wanted to rest his hand there’ – on my breast, and although I was uncomfortable I didn’t know what else to do – he wouldn’t let me sit up or move away and I didn’t want to argue as everyone else would have noticed and I think I felt ashamed or like I’d encouraged him somehow. Again I don’t know if that counts but it’s an experience that has stuck with me.

Finally I have a friend/colleague with whom I work in the theatre – I’ve known him for eight years and he’s gradually becoming worse. He has always been huggy and a bit touchy-feely, but he is with all the girls backstage so we put him in his place if he goes too far and he’s only ever jokey anyway. But sometimes I don’t think he knows when he’s gone too far. He often watches the young female dancers and offers to ‘help’ them with quick changes – which makes me uncomfortable for them and some of them have raised concern to me. He has done this to me as well and has grabbed my arse and looked pointedly down my top many times. But the other day I was chatting with 2 friends and my brother (age 20) backstage in the dark with my back against a wall and this guy came up to me said something lewd about how I looked in what I was wearing (another common occurrence) then held my face firmly between his hands, forced my head up and kissed me – it actually hurt and I tried to push him away – I know I should have slapped him or something but I was too much in shock. He just laughed and said something along the lines of ‘I’ve always wanted to do that’ and walked off. My brother was rather disgusted by it and we have done our best to get him less involved in working backstage but now the theatre has actually hired him (he used to work for one of the sound men we hire) so he’s even more involved and I think he’s lost my friendship and I don’t really know what to do now. Again, is that sexual assault?

Sorry I’ve said a lot, I’ve never raised my concerns before but I just need to get them out there and see if I’m being totally silly or if indeed any of those humiliating experiences do count as sexual assault. Thank you.
Good morning. Thank you for sharing your questions and contacting us for clarification. It is absolutely normal to have questions about what constitutes sexual assault and commend you for reaching out for support. Sexual assault is a general term used to identify any sexual act that is unwanted. It sounds like all of your examples are of unwanted sexual contact and involve the use of power and control in some form. It may be helpful to talk with a counselor about these incidents for additional support. WEAVE offers free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. It also may be helpful to contact the theater’s HR manager to discuss the technicians behavior since California has Sexual Harrassment laws which prohibits his behavior. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank you.
If someone is drunk and passed out in a bed, and wakes up to someone fingering them and touching them all over, is this sexual assualt?  Hello and thank you for contacting us for information. Sexual Assault includes any unwanted or unconsented sexual touching and penetration. The fact that the victim was intoxicated/passed out doesn’t change this. Please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this further or if you would like additional resources.
I was out with friend at a bar. I was wearing jeans and a blouse. This guy was talking to my friend and I when all of a sudden his friend put his hand down my jeans and entered me from behind with his finger. I was shocked and I just moved forward, then he wiped his hand on the back of my blouse. I can’t stop thinking about it as I feel ashamed and uncomfortable. I should have screamed but I froze. Is that assault or just one of those things? I am sorry that this happened to you and commend you for seeking clarification and support. Sexual assualt includes any unwanted sexual act and what you are describing is classified as sexual assault. Although it is normal to feel ashamed and uncomfortable about this, it is really important to know that what happened to you is not your fault. Your reaction is also normal given the traumatic experience. WEAVE invites you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional support, resources, and options.

While using your services to obtain information and forms associated with a summary dissolution, several items became assocaited with child support; my paycheck and health benefits. 

What do you suggest individuals do so that this does not happen to them over and over again?

Good morning. First of all, thank you for contacting us for information and clarification. Our workshops are informational sessions to assist people in understanding the broad framework of the laws and what the process is. It is not attorney advice. We inform workshop attendees several times in the process to consult an attorney depending on their individual needs. 
If you want to understand why you have been impacted or if you want us to give other workshop attendees information, please let us know by contacting our support line at 916-920-2952 and we will look into either reviewing your case on a consult only basis or incorporate your suggestions if your experience can be generally applied to our clients. 
The forms that we provide in our workshops are mandatory forms with regard to starting a petition or following up with financial information that is mandatory in the dissolution process. 
I hope this helps and thank you for your follow up.

I’m seeking help. I live in Yuba City and was wondering if there where any offices near me? Or if you could let me know of some other way to get help.. I really want to see someone rather than over the phone..I just don’t know where to look.

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for resources and support. The closest resource to you is Casa de Esperanza in Yuba City. Their office number is 530-674-5400 and their hotline number is 530-674-2040. You may also contact the Sierra-Sac Coalition in Sutter County at 530-822-7238. Both of these agencies provide local services and can also assist with additional resources specifically to meet your individual needs. Feel free to contact us again if you need additional support. 
I have a friend whose dad came home drunk one night. He got on top of her and started very roughly kissing her neck. He pinned her down and screaming, kicking, or crying would not get him off of her. He mom eventually pulled him off but he was laughing at it the whole time. Her mom said he was messing around but I think otherwise. Is this sexual assult and if so what are the chances she will be put in foster care? Can she go with a family friend instead? Good morning and thank you for contacting us for clarification and support. I am sorry your friend experienced this. Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact. What you are explaining sounds like it would fall under sexual assault and “Lewd and Lascivious Acts with a Child”. We do not know exactly whether your friend will be placed in foster care but CPS has a process that includes safe options with family members. As her friend, you can provide her information so that she is empowered to suggest where she would like to be placed if that is what happens. Sometimes speaking with someone outside of family is helpful. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You or your friend are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to talk or get additional resources.

I am now 46 years old and have been married for 21 years, but my husband found out about an incident that happened to me when I was 17 years old and he really want to hurt this man. What I want to know is if what happened to me when I was 17 is considered rape. Here’s the story. I was a senior in high school and still a virgin. I went to a school dance with a girl friend. Neither of us had dates. We began talking to 2 guys we had been knowing all our school years. One thing led to another and myself and one of the guys began making out. Then he wanted to take it a step further, so he began undoing my pants. I didn’t really want to, but somehow he ended up breaking the button and the zipper on my pants and he got them off. He ended up on top of me and I got really scared and asked him to stop, but of course he didn’t. He continued doing his thing while I cried and begged him to stop continuously. About a year or so later I ran into him and he apologized for that night. I have never told my parents because I felt I was wrong for leading him on, but now my husband of 21 years keeps saying, “That was rape and I’m going to hurt him the next time I see him. Do you really think an apology should have made this all better. I don’t think so!” I really never wanted this to come out, because I know it will cause a lot of problems with a lot of people, but my husband has known about it for years, he just assumed I was dating this guy at the time so he let it go, but just recently the subject came up again because I do have sex issues due to it. I didn’t realize my husband thought I had dated the guy. When I told him I didn’t, all hell broke lose:( Please ease my mind. Is this considered rape or not? Thanks in advance.

I am sorry that you went through this and want to acknowledge you for contacting us for information and support. What you are describing is considered rape and it is normal to feel what you are feeling having experienced this. WEAVE provides free counseling services to sexual assualt victims and these services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for addtional resources.
I was 18 when I moved in with my big sister and her boyfriend. At first I liked drinking and hanging out with them. After some time, I did not want to. But my older sister and her boyfriend forced me to drink . I would tell them no and they said they would kick me out if i did not drink. The first time my sister’s boyfriend tried to force himself on me, I grabbed a knife planning to use it if he did not stop. He forced me onto the table and I was crying begging him to stop. My older sister walked in and got him off of me. I told her what he was trying to do and she screamed at him asking him why he did it. He said I came onto him and she ended up believing him. I ran and hid but they ended up finding me. I was trapped in that house for a year and I ended up doing what ever they said. I was told my mom and family hated me. I was raped alot  and I have scars on my hand were I clawed and scratched at them when he force himself on me. He said I could not say a thing and my sister said they will tell people I was willing and I have no proof.  I made a friend at work and she let me move in with her. She did not know I was raped. She just new they were hurting me. I am now 24 years old and I am scared of men. I don’t like being alone or touched by men.I have nightmares and cannot get a job because of my trust issues. I need to get help. But is it to late to tell? Can I get help with out saying who did it? . I dont know what to do. I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are brave and it is commendable that you are taking steps to tell your story and seek support. You are not alone and it is never to late to tell your story and seek support. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige session Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wendesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K street counseling office. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information line to talk and/or for additional resources.
I am 41 years old and have been dealing with anxiety and depression ever since I was a teenager. At that time, I had a very close relationship with my coach from age 13 to 15. He talked with me about my boyfriend and wanted details about my sexual experiences. At the time, I looked at him as a friend (he was in his early 20’s).
When I was 15, he invited me to his wedding. At the reception, I was forced by his friend to go dance with my coach. He pulled me right up against his body as we slow danced. He was rubbing my lower back, pressing himself against my breasts, and rubbing his erection against my body. He whispered in my ear and told me he loved me, and that he would be marrying me if only I were 18. 
I never reported this at all, and I am wondering if I now should. How do I go about reporting him? He still has an active teaching/coaching license.
Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. I am sorry that this happened to you as a teenager. Unfortunately, there are time limitations regarding how many years can pass for reporting incidents. However, it may be helpful to contact your local law enforcement agency to discuss whether there are other options. WEAVE also has a 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 which can be called for additional resources and/or to talk if needed. 
My mother’s boyfriend, a cop, learned my habits. He moved in shortly after she started dating him. At night, when I didn’t have anything on, from changing clothes, he would force entry into my room. I would fight the door with him, but he was always able to get in. Sometimes I was able to hide behind the door with my arms over my head trying to cover my body. Other nights he would walk up to me closer and closer just staring at me like something was going to happen. I started sleeping with the light on, always stayed up at night with my back against the wall watching the door, and times when I did nod off, I had night terrors. 

When I was in class, he started going through my laundry and was washing only my personals. I would come home and find them folded nice and neat on my bed. I never gave him permission to enter my room or do any of my laundry; especially my personals.

I was walking the hallway and he put me in a hold and dragged me into the kitchen. He took out a can of whipped cream and sprayed it all over me. He licked my face, neck, lips, and tried to lick it out of my mouth but I bit down on his tongue and clenched my teeth.

He would hold me down with my hands behind head, and rub his face all over my body. He said my mom likes the feeling of his facial hair. I would try to force him off me but he always had me in a grip.

He would always come sit next to me when I was studying for school and put my hand on his crotch to rub my palm. I would fight with him to get my hand back, but he said it was a stress reliever and it felt so good. When I would finally get my hand back I was able to leave the room and find somewhere else to study.

He forced me up against the wall, had one hand on each side, and tried to rub his face on my body again. I tried to push him off, but he was pushing harder. He said, “what, you don’t like it when I rub this all over you? well, your mom likes it when I do it to her.”

After this incident I confronted him and told him if he ever touched anyway or anyhow again I was going to tell everyone everything he had done to me. My mom entered my argument with her boyfriend and asked what was going on. I left for my place; she called me and I told her everything he did to me. She said she talked with him and took his side b/c cops don’t do those things. She recently told me she was not going to leave him no matter what. Now no one; siblings, aunts, uncles, etc in my family will talk to me b/c they have all sided with this cop and my mom; b/c of the whole cops don’t do those things excuse. My sister said it is my issue and I have to deal with it and my brother said everything he did do to me is my fault.

I am more upset b/c my mom was a victims advocate for so many years. I asked my mom why she couldn’t be my advocate when her boyfriend did the things he did to me. She helped and protected all those people and she was leaving me out to dry. Her only response was she was not leaving him and why I am not over it yet. She asked me if it was something I think about all day long. I thought she was supposed to be a mom and be there for me. I don’t understand why she his siding with him.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I believe you and want you to know that you are not alone and this is not your fault. I would like to commend you for taking the step to seek support during this very difficult time. WEAVE offers counseling services that can be accessed by attending a free traige session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K street office. Speaking to a counselor is often beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 
I was raped 5 years ago when I was 13. I have completely healed from it both physically and mentally. I am in a serious relationship right now and I have a very normal sex life. Should I tell my current boyfriend I was raped even though it does not affect me anymore? It was a big part of my life at the time so I feel like I am hiding something from him. And I’m scared that if I tell him he won’t be able to look at me the same. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support. It is normal to be unsure when addressing this. In this situation it is important that you are comfortable about your decision whichever way you decide. Sometimes talking about your thoughts and feelings regarding the decision and potential outcomes is beneficial. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige session on Tuesdays and Thursday from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7p at the 1900 K Street Counseling office. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss your options and concerns.
Last fall I went to a party with one of my friends. It was the first time I had ever been really intoxicated. My friend and I were dancing and at one point ended up dancing with these two guys. We kind of got separated for awhile. During this time, the boy that I was dancing with put his hands in my pants, started kissing my neck, and basically felt me up during at least three songs. I was so drunk that I think the only way I was standing was because he was behind me. I knew that I did not want what was happening to me, but I never said no. I guess because I was too drunk. However, the feelings that I had about it afterwards were horrible. I still experience flashbacks occasionally and have even had dreams about the experience but in my dreams the boy raped me as well (this did not actually happen) Was what happened to me my fault? What even happened to me? Probably nothing. I am sorry that this hapened to you and commend you for reaching out for information and support. Sexual assault includes what you have described since it was unwanted. The fact that you were intoxicated and/or didn’t say no doesn’t take away from the incident being a sexual assault. Please know that you are not alone and that flashbacks and dreams are normal symptoms of trauma. WEAVE offers free counseling services for victims of Sexual Assault and these services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

I don’t really know if this counts as sexual assault, but I remember back when I was in grade school, maybe in 1st grade, my mom was friend’s with my teacher. She would work occasionally after school and wouldn’t be able to pick me up, so I would go home with my teacher ( who was a lady) and her two sons. I enjoyed hanging out with them after school and everything, but one day I remember I was really tired and wanted to sleep. The mom told me I could lie down on her bed and i remember little flashbacks of her two sons who were botg my age, touching me. As a 7 year old, I had no shape of breasts yet, but I remember my shirt was lifted and they were grabbing me there. That’s all I remember, I don’t remember whether they touched me in other areas as well, or what exactly I did afterwards. 
Does this count as sexual assault? I now go to high school with one of the guys, and every time I see him I tense up, like I have a bad taste in my mouth. I’ve never told anyone about this either because I never really considered it an assault until now..

Thank you for reaching out to us for clarification and support. What you experienced would fall under the definition of sexual assault. I am sorry that this happened to you and that you are having to go through feeling tense when you see one of the boys today. Feeling tense when triggered is a normal response and you are not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes talking about your expereince and seeking support for healing is beneficial. WEAVE offers free counseling services and these can be initiated by attending one the free triage sessions which take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and InformationLine at 916-920-2952 for additional resources or if you have sepcific questions. 

I am now 24, married and have an 18 month old daughter. When I was about 20 years old in college I went out for a night drinking with my friends. I got pretty intoxicated and ended up getting separated from my friends. I ran into a work friend who brought me back to his house that was really close by. I remember being in his bathroom and remember a guy (maybe two of them) coming in and touching me very inappropriately, I remember getting up and stumbling out the door to get myself out of that house. Miraculously after I walked out I ran into my friends and blacked out once I knew I was safe. I never told anyone because I didn’t really have any information to give them. I was so drunk that I can’t remember the faces. Now I am in the military and I go to sexual assult classes that are mandatory for everyone to attend and they always bring up flashbacks. Should I tell my husband? I’m afraid of what he might think? Especially because I really don’t have any information to tell him (who it was, what actually happened to me). What is your advice?

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for advice and support. I am sorry that you experienced this and commend you for seeking guidance. You are not alone in what you are feeling and it is absolutely normal to experience flashbacks. Regarding talking to your husband, it is important to do what you are comfortable and ready for. It may be helpful to discuss your feelings and concerns with a counselor. WEAVE offeres free counseling services for Sexual Assault victims. This service can be accessed by attending a free traige session. Triage is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at 1900 K Street. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to talk and/or for additional resources. 
I am a married woman of 25 years. I have a sleeping disorder and have taken a prescription sleeping medication now for six-seven years without incident. My spouse and I have struggled lately with the topic of intimacy mostly due to his drinking. In the last month to two months I have awoken in the morning with my underwear pulled down to my knees with NO recollection of how it got that way. My husband swears it was not him and I can’t imagine how this just “happened” out of the blue TWICE. I am a nervous wreck. There was an incident ONE other time where I apparently woke up self-stimulating (according to him) and he confessed he “helped me along” with it, which infuriated me and broke all kinds of trust issues. Any advice or insight? Thank you for contacting us for advice and support. I am sorry this has happened to you. Sexual Assault includes any sexual act that is unwanted/unconsented. This includes if you are sleeping and/or unable to consent to it. Feeling violated and angry is a normal response and it is important to know that there is support. It may be helpful to have a safety plan in place. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to assist you with this plan if you would like. This line can also assist with referrals and resources for counseling and other services you may want. 

My daughter was recently raped. She thinks her drink was drugged. She was on vacation and did not get a rape test. She did not know him and did not consent. She won’t talk about it or deal with it. She does not remember anything. Thank God she is not pregnant and all tests for transmitted diseases are negative. How can I get her to go to counseling. She said she is not ready. She will be leaving for college in 3 months. Very concerned mom.

I am sorry that this has happened to your daughter and thank you for contacting us for information and support. This is a vulnerable time for your daughter and it is important for her to feel supported and to know that it is not her fault. As a concerned parent it may seem ideal for her to attend counseling right now, however, counseling will be most effective when she is ready. Providing her with the resources is of utmost value for her. Since she will be leaving to college soon, it would be helpful to gather resources in that city so that she can reach out when she is ready. If she is willing to seek counseling now, WEAVE provides free counseling sessions. She can attend free traige Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at 1900 K Street. For additional resources in Sacramento and/or the college city she will be moving to, feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
I’m wondering if my friend was raped. We were drinking one night and she was really drunk. She could barley see and was really upset, so I put her to bed. She told me that she woke up to a boy touching her all over, and rubbing her. She was still trying to wake up and he was kissing her. She said she was so scared that her body felt like it went into shut down and she was too afraid to say no. They had sex, but she basically laid there and took it because she was so scared. She said she would rather have laid there and let him do it than to say no and it to be forced on her. What does that mean? Thank you for reaching out to us for support and clarification regarding your friend. I am sorry that she experienced this. Rape includes sex without consent, regardless of whether someone actually verbally says no. This includes incapacitated rape where the victim is not capable of consenting. Your friend’s reaction during the time of the incident is normal and she may go through different phases of emotions and feelings while she copes with this experience. Sexual Assault is about power and control, so it may be helpful to empower her to access resources to assist with the healing. WEAVE provides free counseling services. You are welcome to call the 24hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 for information on these services and/or other resources. 
I am separated from my husband as of 1/26/14 because he raped my 19 year old daughter after a night of partying. She is his stepdaughter and together we have a four year old son. There is an investigation pending. At first I was very distraught over this, however, I also see the effect it has on our son. I feel sick because I have feelings of wanting him back but I know that is not posible. Is it wrong of me to even wish we could somehow be a family again for my son? Should I have any cordial relationship with him or would that be a slap in the face and disrespectful to my daughter? Maybe we could not be together but be sort of friends? I do miss him for what he was before this happened… Sincerely Guilt Ridden I am sorry that you are going through this. It is normal to have various feelings and emotions during such a difficult situation. Seeking advice and support is the best thing to do, so thank you for contacting us. This is a very difficult time for you, your daughter, and your son. Connecting with the most valuable resources and supportive services is important for all of you. If interested, WEAVE offers counseling services. You are also welcome to contact our 24hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.
4 years ago, I was at a party with my best friend and we knew most of the people there. There was a lot of alcohol involved and I was highly intoxicated. I guess someone ended up helping me to a bedroom and I remember getting into bed alone. I was passed out asleep and in the middle of the night, or early morning, I woke up to a guy fingering me. Im pretty sure he had his pants undone and his penis out as well. It took me a second to realize what was going one and when I woke up I became more alert. I was still drunk but I told him to leave. He was begging to fool around and have sex but he ended up leaving the room. After he left the room, I remember getting up and locking the door and going back to sleep because I was still very intoxicated. The next morning me and my friend left and I told her what happened. I was freaking out for a few months after it happened but never pictured it as assualt. I thought I got over it until recently. I was in class the other day and my professor told a story of a similar thing happening to one of her friend’s sons and I must have had a flashback or something because now I can’t stop thinking about it. Why am I so freaked out about it now, if it happened 4 years ago? Also, was it even sexual assault or a type of rape?  Hello and thank you for contacting us. I am sorry that this happened to you. Sexual Assault is any sexual act without consent. What you are describing is considered sexual assault. It is normal to feel as if you have moved on after the incident and then later be triggered by something. Counseling is a great asset to assist with these feelings and questions that you are having. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 for information about our counseling services and/or other resources.
So I was confused and wanted to know if this was sexual assault or rape. My boyfriend he went to touch my boobs after we had hugged and asked me if I wanted him to and when I did I’d always say yes but I didn’t want him to this time so I got quiet and slightly pulled away just didn’t say anything because I was scared how he’d react well instead of touching my boobs he switched and just shoved his hand down my pants and in my vagina but later he told me he ddnt know I didn’t want him to do it, so does this still count as assault or rape? Thank you for reaching out to us. It is normal to be confused and commend you for seeking clarification and support. Sexual assault is a general term used for any sexual act or threat without consent. This includes many things, including touching and penetration. Rape is penetration and/or oral penetration without consent. It is important to know that consent does not need to be verbal. I hope this information is helpful to you. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources regarding sexual assault and/or counseling services. 
When I was about 5 years old my teenage cousin forced himself on top of me, made me make out with him and he touched me inappropriately. I told my parents after it happened but they never did anything about it. So I never talked about it again, and I was confused about what had even happened. Now that I’m older I can’t even remember fully what happened, and I don’t know what to label it as? But I know it was wrong and I just need advice. Thank you for contacting us for advice and support. Sexual assualt encompasses many acts and what you are describing falls under this. It is normal for both a 5 year old to be confused at the time of such an incident and to not remember what happened fully later as an adult. WEAVE provides counseling services and can be initiated by attending a triage session. Please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional information.

I really need help, my past is on my mind and it is holding me back from my future.
I am 16 years old now, but about three years ago right after I turned 14 I was dating this 17 year old. He was almost 18. We dated for a few weeks and then the day after my birthday he said he had got a special bottle of wine for us to share. We went to a park by his house and shared the bottle, but I remember the bottle always having the same amount in it as when I had handed it to him, I think he tricked me. I was young and naive, I got drunk and don’t remember the walk to his house. but the next thing I remember was him naked on top of me, my body felt awful and sore, my head felt fuzzy and groggy. I don’t think he would of slipped me something but I felt like I had been drugged. I still had my shirt and skirt on but I could feel that he had taken off my tights and my panties. He looked at me as if to ask permission but I just said no and he went inside of me anyways, It hurt so bad and I think I told him to stop but I don’t remember, I just remember crying and not wanting it. 
I don’t know how to tell any one about this and I don’t know what or if I can do anything now since it has been so long, I know his address and his name, before he stole my virginity I would occasionally stay the night with him and other friends at places and I would wake up to him playing with me or feeling me, and he told me it was okay. Please help me out. was this rape?
 
I am sorry that you are going through this and commend you for reaching out for support. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual act including what you described. Rape is sex without consent or if incapable of consenting due to intoxication or other circumstance. Please know that what happened is not your fault and you are not alone. What you are feeling is normal. You mention that you would like to move forward and oftentimes speaking with someone helps this process. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for information about our counseling services. Contacting Law Enforcement is also an option if you would like to report the incident(s). Please feel free to contact us if you have further questions or need additional support.

Should I leave my boyfriend who may have molested my autistic 15 year old daughter?

Thank you for reaching out to us. While it is not our intent to make this decision for you, we are here to provide you with resources and empower you to make an informed decision. From the additional comments, it sounds like the situation is complicated and it may be helpful for you to explore some of our counseling options. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916-920-2952) can provide resources for counseling services as well as other services. The relationship you have with your daughter is invaluable and this should be considered when seeking services and when making your decision. Please feel free to call our support line if you have additional questions or need information.

I was sexually assaulted over a year ago and when I went to the police, they did nothing but find reasons to blame me. I was both intoxicated and asleep when I was raped. This past month its been on my mind a lot. I’m on continuous birth control for health reasons and being raped is constantly on my mind. When it is on my mind, my vagina begins to bleed. Is that normal? It makes the stress worse, I’m 23 now and i’d like to be able to move on, have a relationship, heal, and not constantly have this on my mind.

Thank you for contacting us for advice and support. I am sorry that law enforcement was not helpful. It is important for you to know that the sexual assault was not your fault and you are not alone. The stress you are describing from the incident is normal. Sometimes there are physical symptoms, however, you may consult with your primary care physician to discuss the vaginal bleeding specifically. You are welcome to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 for resources in this area. You may also call this number to get information on our free counseling services if interested. 
When i was 14, my father asked me to perform oral sex on him, claiming he was trying to show me an alternative to intercourse or to avoid a rape. I refused and that was the end. But 40 years later it still bothers me. I adored my father until he died a few years ago. Is what he did still considered child abuse/child molestation? What do I call it? please help! Thank you for reaching out to us. What you are describing is both sexual assault (lascivious acts upon a child) and child abuse. It is normal to be torn between your affection for your father and what he did. You are more than welcome to call our 24hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 to request information regarding free counseling services.
I started seeing this guy I went to high school with about 2 years ago. I stopped seeing him about 2 months ago and completely cut off all forms of communication. I know he was abusive he would tell me how to act tell me how to have my body look and who to hang out with and he would get angry if i had any friends other than female friends. I know he was an abusive partner but I’m not sure if I was raped by him? There were several times we were intimate and some of them were completely consensual. But others weren’t. Currently I’ve been trying to move on to seeing other people good people who have never hurt me but I’ll start getting panic attacks thinking that they’ll be just like him. The one guy I’m trying to see now has never hurt me has never had any similarities to my ex but still some nights just thinking about it I start panicking and crying and wanting to hurt myself to make the pain stop. What can I do to move on? Was I even raped or am I being over dramatic? Thank you for contacting us. You have the right to withdraw consent during sex or say no to other acts that you are not comfortable with even if it is with your boyfriend. It is normal to experience panic attacks after trauma. You are more than welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. WEAVE provides short term counseling sessions for sexual assault.
A teenage boy who lived in the apartment above me sexually abused me from the ages of 4-6/7. I think it’s too late to press charges and I don’t want to even if I could but I would like to at least remember the name of the boy who took my childhood. How can I find his name when I don’t even know his address just the street and the apartment he lived in (not the actual number of it though)? Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we cannot say whether or not it is to late to press charges. You may want to contact your local law enforcement agency. If you would like emotional support, you are welcome to contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

I’m not really sure where to start. I’m feeling guilty about a situation with my ex. In July I was dating my now husband. I decided to go to my ex’s house to play some video games (bad idea I know but we wanted to stay friends). Anyway I got to his house and we started watching a movie. He kept trying to kiss and make out with me but I kept pushing him away and telling him no. That continued for a while until I felt like passing out. I drifted off for a bit and I woke up to my pants and underwear around my knees and him behind me. I don’t know why I didn’t jump up and yell at him but I didn’t. I figured if I just pretended I was asleep he would stop or maybe I could just make it go away. He was never the kind of guy to take no for an answer. Maybe I misunderstood him or something. Maybe he thought I was awake and that I wanted it even though I told him “No. I have a boyfriend,” the whole time. I’m not really sure why I’m writing I’m just confused. Was everything my fault? Was he innocent and I was the bad guy? I can’t stop thinking about it…please help. I was also molested for a few years by my uncle when I was younger so had issues with guys for a long time and this whole thing just made it worse. I’m reminded of both instances every time my husband and I get intimate and, whenever I’m around older people…

I am sorry that you are feeling guilty. What happened was not your fault. Your ex boyfriend took advantage of you being passed out and he holds the responsibility for the assault, not you. It took a lot of courage for you to tell your husband and friend what happened. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor about your recent assault as well as your past molestation. A counselor may be able to help you work through the trauma so that you are not continuously reminded of the past. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor or learn more about the counseling services WEAVE offers you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.

What Would Happen If A Male Teacher Touches/Grabs On Your Panties While You Were Bending Down Trying To Get A Laptop ? What Would The Process Be If You Want To Press Chargers On Him?
Subject:
Thank you for reaching out to us. Is there a safe adult that you can tell? Maybe a school counselor or parent? If you call law enforcement to file a report it may be helpful to have another person you trust with you. Your teacher should not be touching you. If you would like to speak with a counselor and get support we have a 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
I was visiting an old friend with a group of people. When we got back to the hotel we played cards. He spiked my drink and I passed out. When I woke up his hand was down my pants. This “friend” tried telling me when I woke that I gave him consent with my body language. I was asleep the entire time and the only reason I woke up was because of his hand thing. He is an active member in the military and could get into serious legal trouble if word got out. What should I do? I am so sorry that this happened. What this guy did was wrong and he took advantage of you  by spiking your drink and touching you without permission. If you would like to report the crime you can call law enforcement and you can also contact the military to see if there is a report you may file with them. If you would like to speak with a counselor you can also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
My wife confided in me that she had sex with her cousin when she was 21, which resulted in her being pregnant with our son. She moved to Texas from Ohio to be with her terminally ill dad. After his death and the death of her grandma and cousin she started doing coke everyday. She would party with cousin who are a couple years younger. (Bout 7 of them all round same age) And buy them booze. They would all go in on drugs together. One night she was extremely drunk and high she passed out on the couch with a few other cousins passed out there. She woke up to her cousin foundling her and doing other sexual things. She doesn’t see it as rape, because she enjoyed it. The next day she felt terrible and disgusted by what she had done. She says it would of never happened sober. She was passed out drunk. Just because she woke up and wanted the good feelings to continue, does this mean its not rape? I think it is rape. And I don’t think she should blame herself for enjoying being fondled. It’s suppose to feel good when touched like that. Is it rape if she enjoyed the sex? Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. It is good that your wife was able to discuss her conflicting feelings with you. rape can be a very confusing thing especially when it involves family, drugs, and physical sensation. Because your wife was passed out and intoxicated she would not have been able to consent to the acts. The conflicting feelings of physical pleasure mixed with the thoughts that it would not have happened were she sober show how confused she must feel. If you or your wife would like to speak with a counselor to get support you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
My son is 17 but we had went to the ER for severe stomach pain, he has not been to many doctors in his life so therefore he has no idea of what can happen. During the visit the doctor came in asked my son what brought him in and my son replied severe stomach pain, the doctor had him lie down and he pushed on his stomach, he asked my son are you having any other problems my son said no. Then all of a sudden out of no where the doctor reached down and stroked both sides of my sons balls and penis.. My son being shocked completely freaked out and turned every color in the book, as he was doing this and after he had already touched my son he made a comment saying “how is the 2 boys doing”. The whole time I have went to doctor and every time I have had something done to me that the doctor had to touch me in the private area they informed me of every movement they where doing..Is this something that I can push, my son is very upset he isn’t sleeping good now and he tells me he don’t ever want to go see a doctor anymore if they can just touch him without informing him what is about to happen..I’m hurt seeing my son done this way too..any advice on what to do.. I am sorry to hear that you and your son are struggling. You may try contacting the Medical Licensing Board to make a report concerning the doctors actions and your sons reaction. If your or your son would like any emotional support from a counselor you may call our 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952. You may also contact law enforcement to make a report
When I was 13, a boy I didn’t even know put his hand up my skirt while we were riding on a school us. Is this considered sexual assault? Even though he was probably just 13, too? Regardless of age it would fall under sexual assault as he was touching you when you did not want him to and had not given him permission to do so
I was with someone for about a month before we fought. He didn’t contact me again for just over four weeks when I saw an update from his social media account saying that he is now married. This goes against my personal values, not to mention that this was my first one after I was sexually assaulted. I will NEVER sleep with someone’s partner and I feel violated. Is this sexual assault / abuse and can I do something about it legally? The other thing is that I have told his new wife about what happened (I have not told him that I know his wife’s email address after doing a search on Google), I was angry but I also need to provide her with evidence and the fact that I didn’t know what happened. I am sorry that I am not able to provide you with information regarding your legal rights concerning your ex partner. From what you describe it sounds like it would fall under emotional abuse as he was not truthful with you and that it has caused you emotional pain. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding your concerns and feelings you are welcome to call the Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.

In high school, I was at a basketball game. A boy that had graduated before me by a few years was there. He had some sort of mental illness and could commonly be found at the high school’s many sporting events. I was standing by the snack counter when he came up and gave me a hug, as he randomly did to strangers. A few minutes later, he came back and held my hand, pulling me away. I walked with him for a minute or two and ended up around the corner by the lockers. He turned me around and proceeded to hug me from behind for a few minutes. I was extremely uncomfortable. Finally, a girl who had seen him walk away with me came over and called my name, causing him to release me.

Is this considered a sexual assault? He did nothing but hug me, and he had a mental illness, so I’m not sure if he knew what he was doing. I’ve never told anyone, but to this day it still makes me extremely uncomfortable. To the point that I’m scared of his brothers who look just like him.
I just want to clarify for myself as to whether or not this was any kind of sexual assault. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual touching. If he was hugging you and touching you it could fall under sexual assault. It sounds like the situation made you feel uncomfortable and that you continue to have memories of what happened. It could be helpful to speak with someone about your experience. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and Information Line. If you would like to speak with a counselor you may call us at (916)920-2952.
Ok this might sound silly but Im not even sure if I was raped. I guess its sexual assault I’m 24 now but when I was 18 when this happened I had my first ever boyfriend we dated for about 6 months, the last time I saw him we were fooling around kissing and touching etc I never had sex before and he knew I was a virgin and he kept going on about how he wanted to sleep with me bla bla but I said no I wasn’t ready so we were still kissing etc & then I suddenly felt this pain between my legs (yes I was naked) he was inside me and I started screaming at him to get off me he grabbed my arms over my head & he just stared at me, I went silent I couldn’t do anything just lay there. Then he let go of me and asked me if I was ok, I was in shock I said yes & said I had to go. Till this day I cant get it out of my mind and I’ve never been near a man ever again. I don’t know if this is rape because he didn’t actually have sex with me but he was inside me and it scared the living crap out of me. Thank you for writing to us. You do not ask a silly question. From what you shared it would be considered rape as there was penetration that you did not consent to. If you would like to speak with a counselor and find out more information about the services that we offer you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. Speaking with a counselor may be helpful so that you can start to heal from the assault.
My husband and I were fooling around one night and we ended up having consensual sex. Later on that night he asked if we could perform anal sex. I was hesitant, but wanted to make him happy so I said yes. As he started to perform anal sex on me I tried pushing away and started crying from pain and told him to stop multiple times. He didn’t stop until after he was finished and I was still crying and upset. He is my husband, so would this be considered sexual assault or rape? Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. From what you shared it does sound like spousal rape. You have every right to say no to sex and that is regardless if someone is or is not your husband. I am sorry that he did not stop when you told him to and when you were in pain. If you would like additional support or would like to speak with someone you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.

I am 21 years old today. I have a 5 year old little girl born out of a rape by my step-father. I have been around this man since I was 2 years old. I started getting abused at 11 when I started noticing the abuse. I tried telling my mother but she didn’t believe me and she stayed married to the Man. My current situation is I have moved away with my kids with a man I only been knowing for a year now I know it sounds crazy but out of my whole life I never had this support and guidance from anyone. It’s like he’s my angel, my angel god sent him to m.  I tired reaching out to the proctors and the detectives who took my case but there haven’t reach out to me.  I and very depressed and concerned and I can’t carry on until this gets taken care of. Where do I start if the county it happened in isn’t replying? I made a statement and talked to the officers who took my case.  I feel like he messed up in his investigation so he is avoiding me. What should I do, isn’t there a statute of limitation? My daughter is 5 years old what can I do?

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. I am sorry that you have not been able to get the support you are looking for from law enforcement regarding your molestation and assault. Unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice on this webpage but encourage you t o speak with the sexual assault agency in your area to see if there is any assistance they may be able to provide.

So I am 18 me and my boyfriend just had a healthy little boy well now that we are home when the baby wakes up crying like every time he yells at me after I calm the baby down he pins be to bed and says its my punishment makes me uncomfortable when he wants to finger me and be rough it actually hurts and then he takes it upon himself to hold me down and put his penis in I have bruises on my arms from him is there anything I can do about this I want out but every time I mention leaving he does it again
 
I am sorry to hear that you are being hurt. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line when he is not home. The number is (916)920-2952. One of our support line counselors can go over safe options for you and help you with an individual safety plan. He should not be treating you this way. If you are are unable to call the Support Line you may look on our website under the domestic violence tab there will be a section on safety planning. It may be helpful to create a safety plan so that you have options planned out a head of time should you decide to leave.
I am not sure what constitutes rape, but I do know right from wrong. I know what he does to me while I am sleeping and I know it is wrong. How can you give consent when you are sleeping. I felt violated again this morning waking up to my boyfriend with his fingers in my butt. We haven’t been sexually active in a month, in fact we rarely sleep in the same bed. Every time he does sleep in my bed I wake up with him touching me somehow. I have woken up on numerous occasions with his fingers inside of my vagina and my buttonhole. He drinks a lot and always comes to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Is this sexual assault/rape? Please help can’t stop crying I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You are right that what your boyfriend is doing is wrong and is assault.  You are asleep and you are not giving consent. He should not be touching you unless you say it is okay and he should only be touching you where you want to be touched and again with permission. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor about how you are feeling, whats happening and safety plan we can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again what your boyfriend is doing is assault and you have every right to be upset about what he is doing.

I was molested by my brother when I was 5 through 10 years old. At the time, he was 16 to 21 years old. He is 11 years older than me. I never told anyone at the time. I am now 52 and he is 63. He lives in Virginia and I live live in New York and i only see him at occasional family events. He married and had four sons, who are all adults now. I have no idea if he ever molested anyone other than me. I like to think he didn’t, but I don’t know for sure. My brother is expecting his first grandchild and I worry about the baby being a girl. What do I do?
Subject:
Thank you for taking the time to write to us. First, I am sorry that your brother did that to you. If you have concerns that your brother might hurt his future grand dauhgter or suspect that he may still be abusive you may contact your local child protective services department to see if they have a procedure for concerns such as yours.
I’m 14, and there’s a guy I know who has had a crush, almost fixation, on me since we first met. He broke up with his girlfriend because he wants to date me. We walk home from school sometimes, and he doesn’t stop touching me even if I tell him to stop. Even if it’s just some small pokes or a arm around me, he’s always touching me. Today I found out that he’s raped multiple girls. He’s brought up the subject of rape towards me before. He’s also told me about taking advantage of other girls.
Should I be worried that I may be assaulted?
He’s a diagnosed sadistic sociopath.
He’s also much stronger, bigger, and faster than me.
He constantly teases and touches me.
Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. It sounds like he is making you feel uncomfortable and that your instincts are telling you that he may not be a safe person. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor regarding a safety plan. The safety plan could include identifying safe people to tell, safe people to walk home with and other  things that pertain to your particular situation and individual needs. From what you describe it sounds like he is not listening to you and that you do not feel safe around him (for good reasons).
when i was young a teenage boy had sex with me after tricking me to go look for something with him in an old unfinished house. so as a kid i obeyed him and we had sex i had no idea then but later on talking with my sister she told me i was raped. a few weeks later another teenage boy did the same thing. i never told my mother then until the day she died in 2004. i am now 21 and this has caused me to never trust any guys and my question is is this psychological or post rape trauma? I am sorry that you have been having to hold on to this trauma for so many years. It is good that you were able to share what happened with you to your mom and sister. Your responses of not being able to trust are very common after sexual abuse especially since it happened when you were a child. It can be helpful to speak with a counselor. Even though the assaults happened years ago WEAVE can assist you with free short term counseling that would focus on coping skills to help reduce the negative impact of the assault. If you would like more information or would just like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
I think my best friend might have been raped or assaulted. Not sure which one, but this guy that she had a crush on asked her out. Naturally, she was excited but then things got a bit out of hand after that. After a night of heavy drinking, she ended up back at his place. When she woke up, she realized that she might have been assaulted but it doesn’t end there. He asked her for sex, she was completely hesitant the whole time but then gave in even though she was an emotional wreck. She said she kept saying “I don’t know, I don’t know”. If the guy was a true gentleman, he should have just left her alone and not asked for sex when he knew what emotional state she was in. She thinks she might have consented to it. I don’t think she did. What do you think? It is good that your friend felt comfortable talking to you about what happened. It sounds like your friend let him know that she was not comfortable with having sex and that he continued  to press the issue and that she was not consenting. If your friend would like to speak with a counselor or one of our Support Line counselors she may call the SL at (916) 920-2952. Because your friend was not wanting to have sex he should have stopped.
It was one of my friend’s 21st birthday, so our group of friends went out to drink to celebrate. We all ended up back at one of our friends’ apartment. I was inebriated because there are some parts of that night that I don’t remember. What I do remember is trying over and over again to get away from that guy who owns the apartment. I kept trying to run away from him, but he kept running after me, picking me up and throwing me back to his bed. Our two other friends didn’t do anything. They just stayed in the living room. I know that what I remember is true because I had bruises the next morning. But anyway, the last thing I remember before completely passing out was he was on top of me, kissing me while I was struggling to get away because he was holding me down. The birthday boy I guess walked in the middle of this to check up on me, but when he saw what was happening he walked back out. The other person who was waiting in the living room, a girl, saw me the next day as I confronted her. She said she “didn’t want to leave me there” but she still did. I’m not sure if we had sex or not, but regardless if we did or not. Was it still sexual assault? First, I am sorry that you went through this and that you were not able to get help from others at the party. It may be helpful to go to the doctors to see if you are needing any medical attention. If you suspect that you were sexually assaulted you can file a police report and they may suggest an evidentiary exam. Because you do not remember the night, have bruises and have memories of being hurt it may be helpful to see a doctor. From what you describe you were not in a position to consent to being in the room with him and it sounds like he was aggressive and took advantage of the situation. If you would like to speak with a counselor we can provide you with information on how to get connected with one of our counselors. Our 24 hour Support Line can be reached at (916)920-2952.
Is it sexual assault if a friend strips off my clothes while I was intoxicated? I confronted him and he nonchalantly said it was because he wanted to see me naked. Also, is it sexual assault if he wanted me to do something and I obliged even though he saw that I was upset/crying a little bit beforehand? I just feel guilty about everything that happened because I feel like I was actively participating in something that had I not been upset and already feeling violated from the night before then I would have never done anything with him that morning. I feel like I consented because I did what he wanted me to do, but then I still feel so violated to this day. Please help. I am so sorry that happened. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now with a lot of tough emotions. What you describe does not sound consensual. It sounds like your friend took advantage of you both days. I am sorry you are going through this. If you would like additional support or information about our counseling services please call the 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952
An ex boyfriend of mine forcibly performed anal sex on me, we were dating at the time, and I reported it to the police. They sent it to special victims, they still haven’t gotten back to me, it’s been around a month, would you know why? I am sorry to hear that you have not heard anything back from law enforcement regarding your report. It may be helpful to call the station to speak with the supervising officer to see if they can provide you with some information. Have you been in contact with Victim Witness at the DAs office? If not, they are a valuable resource to have and can help advocate on your behalf. Their phone number is (916) 874-5701
Right know I’m 13 and when I was little my uncle touched my vagina and when I was a little older my other uncle touched me in my boobs and I didn’t do anything and I don’t know why I was little And I haven’t told anyone yet not even my own mother but I don’t want to tell her cuz she’s so happy now she gots everything she wants and I don’t want to tell her
Cuz I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I feel alone with this guilt tell me what to do please I feel used
Thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry that your uncles did that to you. Their actions were not okay. If you cannot tell your mom about what happened it may be good to tell another safe adult such as a teacher or a counselor. Telling safe adults can put the power in their hands to act on the information. It is a lot of responsibility and pain for you to be holding onto yourself. It is the adults in your life responsibility to help protect you. Its understandable that you do not want to tell your mom but at the same time you are still a child and need to be protected from your uncles. I am so sorry that you have had to keep this secret to yourself and it takes a lot of courage to tell your story. If you would like to you can also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. We can give you information on counseling services for you and your mom. 
When I was fifteen I was attacked by seven men well one of the guys ended up being my future husband’s cousin at the time I didn’t know and once I figured it out and need his name I wanted to turn him in and didn’t because my husband had said he’d hurt me well all in all my husband kids & dad called me a whore for years after that whole thing. He was at the hospital when I went for my kit and everything so he knows it was for real and not a joke. Well I and he spilt up 9 years ago and I have always wondered if I could still go talk to the police about it and tell them what I know. Keep in mind I was drugged and back then the cops said they knew part of my story was missing and nothing ever got done about it everyone there that night walk scot free but me. And after 19 years it does bug me from time to time mostly when someone brings it up or someone talks about sexual assault! I have learned over the last few years that having that personal part of me taken is why I’m so insanely protective of my belongings and do not like others touching or using my things and if they do I get very angry and upset! Or tried to find something wrong with whatever it is they used. Well, all in all what do I do with all this if I can get passed these few things I may be OK with it all and can possibly put it behind me!!!! Thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. I am sorry that you have been struggling to find support for your assault all of these years. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor to learn ways to manage the triggers and memories associated with your assault. WEAVE offers free short term counseling to sexual assault survivors. If you are interested in hearing more about the counseling services or would like to speak with a support line counselor you can call our 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952.
I recently hung out with acquaintance thru a mutual friend. She is good girl and I see her friends as honest people. I guess from societies perspective I was asking for it, it was my fault. The list can continue. But bottom line that night did not end how I expected it to. I hung out with animal, at the time I thought he was just a soon to become good friend. He became touchy and after me asking he stopped, but when the environment changed from the public park to the privacy of his home things changed. I was raped years ago, I blacked out and remember nothing. Nothing was done. I was basically told to get over it; I asked for it- It pushed me into alcohol and drugs. It took a lot for me to change and better myself. I did, and after overcoming that I grew to trust men. In doing so I found the man that makes me whole the man I’m scared of losing now. I told him how he made me just feel and I felt uncomfortable and that I never cheated and I was in a relationship and that I couldn’t. I kept saying I can’t, I don’t want to. He wanted to hold me and he grew this fear over me. when I put my shoes back on and realize getting my purse and taking off walking wasn’t an option , for one I was far from home, two I had some stuff in his car and he had deadbolt in the kitchen door, the ones you open with keys. At that point I panic and demanded to be taken home. I wanted to fight , but when I had earlier he just enjoyed it, he mocked me saying how did you know I like to wrestle. I didn’t want him, I didn’t want to give him any type of satisfaction. But I let this unexplained fear freeze me and just take it. As he did I couldn’t wait till it was over. The drive home I just didn’t know how to break up with my boyfriend, I felt like I cheated. At the end I didn’t fight. But the word no is no and I never said yes. I don’t understand why but I tried to understand what happened why, him why he did it. I tried to get over it. I told my boyfriend everything. I went to a clinic and basically received a rape kit and the morning pill, they wanted me to report. There has been loads of incidents when the victim gets humiliated not just physically, emotionally but publicly and no justice is served the sentence are petty. Did I get raped? It sure feels like it. I know my intentions, I might be naive, flirty and friendly but I was sober and I tried to make it clear I didn’t want anything with him. Was it rape? Could I pursue justice or would I be another victim of the blame of society that makes rapist think they are not animals.
 
Thank you for reaching out to us with your story and questions. What you describe is rape in that you were held against your will and did not consent to sex. He forced you and held you there against your will. As far as reporting the crime and pressing charges it is an individual decision that might help you feel more empowered. You may also qualify for counseling assistance through victims of crime compensation program. WEAVE offers free short term counseling to survivors of sexual assault and their significant others. If these are things you are more interested in learning about or if you would just like to speak with someone you can call our confidential, 24 hour Support and information Line at (916)920-2952.
So I’m 16 and this guy that I work with who is 34 took a joke too seriously and too far the other day and started kissing me outside of work and when I pulled back and said no he forced his tongue down my throat I don’t know what this would be considered but I don’t know what to do he also kept asking me to send nude pictures and at first I said no but I gave in because I was afraid of what he might be done.  Thank you for messaging us and letting us know what is going on. Because his actions are against the law and not okay it may be good to make a police report and speak with your supervisor at work. Do you feel that you could talk to your parents or another safe adult about what happened? If you would like to call our Support Line for more help we are available to talk 24 hours a day at (916) 920-2952. Again, his actions are not okay. I am sorry that you were scared and pressured to do things you were not comfortable with. 
I’m 19 years old, and my dad sexually assaulted me when I was a child He doesn’t do it anymore, but I want to get counseling for it without him going to jail. I know therapists are required to report to the police if their client is a child, but since I’m over 19 is the law different? Thank you for contacting us. Therapists are mandated reporters and may need to report if your dad has access to any children. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors of sexual assault. If you would like more information on accessing our services or just need to talk about your concerns for meeting with a counselor you are welcome  to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
When I was 16 years old a friend of mine held a knife up to me and wouldn’t let me go. At the time he had himself exposed and told me that he would kill me if I didn’t give him a hand job. during this time he had me pinned down and kept on feeling me up I bagged him to please stop and kept on telling him that I didn’t want to but he forced me to. I’m now 28 and never told anybody what had happened till about a year ago when I told a friend . Since then I have started to have bad dreams and flash backs. My friends says that it was rape and that upsets me even more because I don’t want it to be true. Is she right? Thank you for contacting us. I am so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like a very difficult experience. It is good that you were able to talk with your friend about what happened. Because you did not give him consent it is considered assault. It sounds like you have not been able to get support for your experience and are experiencing current distress. It may be helpful to speak with one of our counselors regarding your experience and be given tools to help you cope with the nightmares and flashbacks. If you would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.
This occurred near 20 years ago and I’ve never told anyone. I was in an 18 month vocational/technical healthcare program. The last six months were comprised of clinical rotations at local hospitals, including working with an anesthesiologist doing intubations. When done, the doctor instructed me to come to his office to retrieve my paperwork. Being unfamiliar with a strange hospital, I was unaware it was a storage closet. As soon as I entered, he locked the door and I knew I was in for trouble. He told me he would only give me my signed off paperwork if I gave him a kiss. I declined but he persisted. I finally gave him a peck on the cheek to get my papers and get out. Big mistake. He then insisted on sex. I told him I had a fiance, wasn’t on birth control, and was having my period. None of the excuses mattered to him. I kept saying no, but he finally grabbed me and held me down and assaulted me. Frankly, I feared him. He was twice my size, could have easily knocked me out, drugged me and dumped me somewhere. I guess I was in shock as all I could focus on was not being late to my after school job and getting into trouble. I told no one. I figured I would have been blamed as at fault. The doctor now practices as a pain management doctor. At graduation, I found out he tried this with all the female students. A lesbian girl who fought him off was laughing about it. The other girls that got quiet and stared at the ground, I figured were potential other victims. I also got Chlamydia from the encounter. I told my fiance/now husband about this 20 years after the fact. He cried that I had this happen to me and asked why I didn’t tell him when it happened or didn’t report it or go for counseling. I was ashamed and figured the young girl would have been blamed. My husband helped me see that this had nothing to do with like, love, flirtation, or sex, but everything to do with power, force, and domination. It sickens me that this happened and the man is still practicing. I guess too much time has passed to report him. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have been holding on to this for a long time. I am so glad that you were able to get support and comfort from your husband. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors of sexual assault and you may find it helpful to meet with a counselor.  You mentioned feeling like it has been too long to report him. If he is still practicing medicine you may be able to file a claim with his licensing board. Your husband was right to share with you that assault is never the victims fault and that it is about power and control. If you would like to learn more about our counseling services or to speak with a support line worker please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
When I was my brother in law Inappropriately touched me, I am now 23 & this has all come out in the open which I didn’t want it to I haven’t gone to the police because I wanted my sister to believe me first who’s still married the man.. She said she believes me & now I have just received a letter from the brother in law saying if I don’t take back what has been said he will get me done for slander & harassment what do I do now? Can he do that? It took a lot of courage for you to tell your story and to let your sister know what happened to you. It may be helpful to see if you can consult with an attorney to see what your rights are. If you would like to call our Support Line we can offer you legal referrals and see if you qualify for legal assistance with our agency. We are able to provide limited legal help and serve Sacramento County. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached at (916)920-2952.
My dad sexually assaulted me when I was younger, and I’ve never told anyone. I want to go to counseling, but I know that therapists are required to tell the police. He doesn’t do it anymore, and I do not want to press any legal charges. How can I get help without sending my dad to jail? You ask a very difficult question because anyone working with children is legally required to make a police or CPS report. This is not only for your safety but for the safety of any children your father may have access to. The law is in place to protect everyone and not put the burden of responsibility on you. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time and that you are going through this. If you would like to speak with a counselor or get more information regarding counseling our Support Line is answered 24 hours a day. You can reach the Support Line by calling (916)920-2952.
I have a question, My boyfriend would wake me up for morning sex which was fine because I was always awake and I always consented, but one morning I woke up I still had my clothes on but he was dry humping me and he was cumming as soon as I woke up, I just laid there in shock because he did not try and wake me up and he didn’t know that I woke up when he was finishing, it made me feel very violated like I was just used for him to get off basically. I don’t know if that’s normal or if I’m just over reacting. Thank you for asking us for help. What you are describing is not normal as you were asleep and your boyfriend did not receive your consent. If you are feeling violated and uncomfortable it is for a reason. Even though you had your clothes on it still does not make it okay as he did not receive your permission. 
Recently, my 16 yr. old son has been a very rebellious teen, so I put him on a program at the high school where it was like probation. They could come to our apartment anytime and search it for any reason. He tested positive for drugs at one visit. There were several problems that week with him and the police had to come out. I was told by management when he ran away that I am not allowed to have the police there again or I would be evicted. The police came out again to check and see if my son had returned, He had not returned. So the landlord told me I had to move out, if the police came out to my apartment again. Later that week, someone broke into my apartment while I was home and I was assaulted and raped. I did as I was directed and did not call the police. I had already turned in my 60 days’ notice to vacate and am moving out on Feb 15. When I turned in the notice to vacate I was told to take my money and move out. I have a $1798 security deposit here, and my rent is $398 a month. I therefore did not pay January’s rent as I was verbally told. I did not call the cops as I was told. I did nothing. My attacker came back and I was raped again. I still did nothing because I was told not to, I had my vacate notice turned in and did not want any more trouble. I then called the office to verify that I was leaving on the 15th of Feb. They said ok. I came home that night to find a 3 day notice to pay rent or quit notice on my door. This was on Feb. 6th. So now I’m supposed to move out on the 10th of Feb. I have nowhere to go, and still have another son at home who has autism. My next home will not be ready for me until the 15th. And what if this person comes back and hurts me again, or worse yet kills me and my son? I don’t know what to do; there is no one I can tell. Please help me. I live in Riverside County, California. Also, the attacker can come in because they have never fixed the slider door, which refuses to lock. Can anyone tell me what to do? It sounds like a very difficult and scary situation. If you have not already contacted the Fair housing council in Riverside it may be helpful to do so. They can inform you of your rights and maybe provide you with additional resources. Their number is (951) 682-6581 and their address is 3933 Mission Inn Ave.Riverside, CA 92501 (951) 682-6581. For your safety it may be necessary to call the police. Contacting local homeless shelters may be an option as you are in transition between your current and next apartment. 
I’m not sure what is going on in my mind but everything is coming up. I’m 49 now but when I was 8 my uncle had sex with me and as an adult he would ask sexual questions and statements like I want to see your boobs or just I want to have sex. So 2 years ago I finally told another uncle about it and I feel like shit for telling him and now I feel like he hates me because the uncle that abused me passed away last year. I also had a sales boss when I was fifteen and he had me do oral sex with him and sex and I’m so confused why I still went around him for 2 years and I hated it then and even more now. I also dealt with my older son being sexually fondled by an old man in our neighborhood when he was 7. Then I found out that my step son was sexually assaulting my daughter from age 5 to 8.  I divorced my husband then re married and my now ex-husband was orally sexually abusing my mentally disable son from age 14 until he was 20 and last but not least I was grabbed by a guest at work- he grabbed me between the legs and that was four years ago. I’m going through all this coming up in my mind and it won’t stop the guilt of not seeing the signs of my ex assaulting my son and telling my uncle about my other uncle.  I wish I never told him but I thought it would help them help him with his addiction. I just want to feel better but I feel like all this was all my fault. I should have known better and I should have seen the signs but didn’t. I feel like I failed my children and myself. It sounds like you are having a really difficult time and dealing with really tough memories and feelings. It is good that you are reaching out for help. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor regarding your trauma experiences and the difficulty you are having now. WEAVE offers free, short term counseling for survivors and significant others of sexual assault. If you would like more information or if you would just like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
I was sexually assaulted by someone my boyfriend and I considered a close friend. Now my boyfriend cannot accept that I had no part in “leading this person on”, because it took me a couple of weeks to tell him what happened. He interpreted this delay as guilt. How do I make him understand that this was not my fault? First, I want to say that I am sorry that this happened to you. It must be even more difficult to be dealing with your boyfriends reaction on top of the assault. It may be helpful for your boyfriend to get some education regarding sexual assault and trauma responses. He can do this by calling our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916)920-2952. If you would like to get some support regarding the assault WEAVE offers free short-term counseling services for survivors of sexual assault. If you would like to speak with a support line worker and would like more information on accessing counseling services you may also call the Support Line. Again, I am sorry that this happened and that you are not getting the support that you need right now from your boyfriend. 
My friend had said her and her male friend were watching a movie and things got heated up, and then when the sex started the women didn’t want it anymore. Knowing that the male was stronger then her, she didn’t do anything but say no. And he didn’t stop, so she told him to just give her a line of reassurance and so he did. And people are saying that its not sexual assault or rape, but I think it is in a way. Based on what you are saying it sounds like your friend was assaulted. She did not want to have sex with him and told him no and he did not listen. Its good that your friend felt safe to talk with you about what happened. If she would like to speak with a counselor or a Support Line counselor she is welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. 
I was sexually assaulted in the ninth grade by an acquaintance of my boyfriend at the time. I myself did not know him. Seems like he came to my school just for this attack. I broke up with the boyfriend for other reasons the following year. I have had no contact with boyfriend for 40 years. A few years ago we began talking and being friends again. I have assumed that my ex has had no contact with my assailant for all these years, and I don’t think he has, but, I recently found my assailant on my ex’s friend list on social media and was stunned! My ex just keeps saying, “let it go, forget about it, please drop this”. Am I wrong for being shocked that my ex would want to still be friends with this evil man? Is it usual for men to be so forgiving of their girlfriend’s attackers? I’ve even reminded my ex in detail what happened to me and he is so sorry, but he won’t answer any of my questions about this event, it’s like he’s hiding something……was he involved in some way? I wonder. Unfortunately I cannot say whether or not you e-boyfriend is hiding anything regarding your assault but it does sound like you are having a very difficult time right now. It is common to be triggered by seeing your attacker and can be retraumatizing. Talking to your ex about the assault must have taken a lot of courage. It may be helpful to process your feelings and questions with a counselor. If you are in the Sacramento area and would like more information regarding the counseling services WEAVE offers you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. 
I dated my boyfriend for a while…then on the 4th he forced himself on me and i opened a case,he got arrested and as time went by they asked if i would allow it if he gets a bail with conditions and i agreed because the thought of him in jail was eating me up and still is…i know this might sound crazy but i still love him…would it be wise to drop the case? It may be helpful to call the Support Line to speak with a counselor to process your feelings about him and dropping the charges. Being assaulted by someone you care about poses additional challenges and emotions. Our Support Line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952.
I feel really embarrassed about saying this because i feel like i’m not worthy of feeling as bad about it as i do… but I’ve been thinking about it so much recently probably because it was this time of year it happened. two years ago my boyfriend at the time and i were in school and we ended up in a music cupboard together and we’d done sexual stuff together before but this was different. He closed the cupboard door and asked to finger me and i said no i don’t want to but then he put his hand down my trousers and i said no, stop it i don’t want you to, and he thought i was joking probably so i tried to make him stop and go out the door but he wouldn’t let me past and he kept on touching me and i kept telling him to stop and i felt so so embarrassed and i really didn’t want him to do it and when it was over i tried my best to act okay but after he’d gone i went to the toilets and couldn’t stop crying. i know there are a lot worse things that happen to people so i feel so silly saying this here but its been really bothering me and i just feel like i need to tell someone because i haven’t been able to tell anyone else because when i tried to tell my best friend at the time she said i was lying and that she was going to tell my boyfriend at the time (i was really scared of this happening because he was quite scary, like he got really really angry sometimes and i was scared of what he was going to do and i wasn’t allowed to go out and if i did he’d threaten to kill himself) i just cant get it out of my head. I told him no and he didn’t listen.. I told him again and he still didn’t but i cant do anything because, it’s not classed as rape, right? I just don’t know what to do.. i cant get it out of my head.
this boyfriend is now my ex by the way, but he was my boyfriend at the time it happened. (i was 14 at the time and he was 16).
I’m still scared of him now though and when i see any of his friends or see him i have a panic attack i just don’t want to see him ever.
I am so sorry that you are not feeling that your feelings or your experience are worthy of time. From what you shared it sounds like a very scary situation and a scary relationship. It is very common for there to be feelings and memories brought up around the time of year that an assault happened. I say assault because it was an unwelcome experience and you did not give your consent for him to be touching you. Rape is unwanted sexual contact and he used force to touch you and keep you there against your will. I am also sorry that your friend did not provide you with the support that you needed. It may be helpful to get counseling for your experience as you are continuing to experience anxiety and difficulty when you see him or his friends. WEAVE offers free counseling services and can provide you with support. If you are interested in counseling or think that you would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
So I’m dating this girl, and her sister was raped. That has already been settled with, but she also told me she was touched by her boyfriend, now her ex, and I didn’t really think anything about it. I finally got to talk to him and I asked him what he did and he sexually assaulted her. He touched her vagina area and put his hands in her pants and was touching her butt when she didn’t want it. I told her I tell her mother and we agreed to tell her when we hang out again, but I dunno how to tell the mother. I feel so bad and angry. By the way I’m pretty young I’m 13. Do you have an tips? First, I want to say that it is good that you want to speak with her mom about what happened so that she can start the healing process. It may be helpful to let the mom know that you have something difficult to share with her. You can also give her our phone number (916) 920-2952 so that she can speak with a Support line Counselor. WEAVE offers free, short-term counseling services to support persons and individuals who have been assaulted. It may be comforting for her mom to know that there is somewhere that they can get help. At 13, I think it is really commendable that you are recognizing that this behavior is wrong and that safe adults should be involved. 
My guy friend and I liked each other. One day, he asked me to on a date; I agreed. We went to dinner and a movie that night.We still wanted to hang out, so we decided to get drinks after. He then asked two of his guy friends to come with us, so all four of us went and I was the only female. The first bar we went to, his friend ordered shots for all of us. I agreed to take it because I didn’t know his friend too well and wanted to be polite. I said that’s all I’m drinking, but then they kept ordering group shots for all of us until it became one shot right after another, and we ended up bar hopping. I felt this false sense of trust because my friend was there, but I was wrong. At the end of the night, I was blacking in and out. The last thing I remember clearly was passing out on the floor beside his bed. Everything else was a blur. I woke up that morning without clothes on. I knew it was him who undressed me because I never initiate such things. I was trying to remember what happened, I was upset and confused so I cried after thinking what could have happened. He woke up and told me to go back to bed. A little bit later, he asked if I was still drunk and I didn’t say anything because I was too upset and confused. He pulled out his private part and started again. I kept saying I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know but fell on deaf ears. Is this sexual assault? PS. He’s been trying to have sex with me before, but I always said no. He even told me that the only way to get me to do anything with him was to get me drunk… Thank you for contacting us. From what you describe it does sound like assault. You did not give him consent and he had sex with you without you wanting him to. It sounds like it was a very upsetting and confusing situation made worse by him being your friend. Most sexual assaults happen by someone known to the victim and it is often someone they trust. It may be helpful for you to speak with a counselor regarding your experience and your feelings. What he did was not okay. You can reach a support line counselor by calling (916) 920-2952. I am sorry that this happened and we are here to help you. Our Support Line is confidential and operated 24/7.
 I was molested when i was 5 years old and  I am 19 years old now and I have talked to him.  We love each-other but apart of me says this is wrong and I shouldn’t feel these things.I remember everything that happened when I was 5 and he went to prison for 2 years. Why is it that I love him ? Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us as you ask a very complex question. Without knowing who this person is to you it may be difficult to give you a complete answer. Sexual abuse can be not only scary but hold a lot of difficult and confusing feelings. If you were molested at age 5 by a caregiver or a trusted individual it can create complex emotions and even make you question what healthy relationships look like. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor either at our counseling office or on our confidential 24 hour Support Line. Counseling information and support can be found by calling the Support Line at (916) 920-2952.
Exactly a month ago my step dad molested me. My mom and my step dad were pretty buzzed and on the brink of drunk, from what I could tell. He came and sat down next to me on the couch and we began talking about various things as we ALWAYS did. While we were talking he began to massage my legs and feet, which was nothing out of the ordinary. He had never indicated to me that he thought of me in any other way than a completely platonic way. Eventually, we kept talking, but he became more and more handsy. I sat up, gently pushed him off of me, despite the fact that I wanted to punch and kick him, he offered no resistance, didn’t look him in the eye or at his face, and said “I need to go to bed” and walked to my room, got on my pajamas, and turned off my light and got in bed. I have no idea what I feel right now. I am so confused. I am angry. I am sad. I am frustrated. I love him and yet I don’t. I miss him and yet I don’t. The main battle in my head right now is that I don’t know if the past 6 years of love that we shared are for nothing. Are they invalidated? That is the biggest thing that I am confused about. I feel like I am going to explode if I can’t talk about it to somebody outside of my immediate family. Do you think it is a good or bad idea? Some of my questions are: Should I love him? Can I? Did he cheat on my mom? Does his possible mental illness have any bearing on my loving the old or new him? How do I make myself feel better? How do I communicate with him to find out why? Should I tell my friends?  Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us for help. It can be a very scary and confusing time following an assault. The fact that the person who hurt you is someone that you trusted adds to the confusion and can create very conflicting emotions. It is understandable that you do not know what you should do or feel at this time. It can be helpful to give yourself time to heal. It is hard to say how long these feelings will be there as each person processes trauma differently. It is good that you have your mom’s support but it may be helpful to reach out to others. Because of your age a counselor would be mandated to report child abuse as what your step dad did was not only wrong but illegal. If you would like to speak with a counselor we have trained staff available to take your call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The number for the Support Line is (916) 920-2952.

I was sexually abused 6 years ago repressed the memories and after a long line of drugs and alcohol I recently started remembering bits and pieces of my uncle assaulting me. I’ve tried to get sober but with the new memories I cannot cope without the drugs.
How can I handle this? I’m afraid it’s going to end my life because I can’t get a handle on things.
It takes a lot of courage to look at your substance abuse and try to make a change. It sounds like you are at a place in your life where you want something to shift and it can be very difficult to do so without support. It may be helpful to look into NA meetings and getting in touch with a sponsor. In addition to working on the drug addiction it can be helpful to get support through counseling. It can be difficult to get any therapeutic work done while under the influence. WEAVE offers free, short term counseling for survivors of sexual assault. If this is something you are interested in or if you just need someone to talk to or referrals you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. Again, it is hard to get sober and heal from sexual abuse all on your own. We are here to help you on your journey to healing. 
3 years ago, I sat next to this guy in one of my classes and it was okay at first, but then he started touching my leg and putting his hand up the side of my skirt. I was so scared and embarrassed, I thought it was my fault that it was happening. I skipped class as much as I could, hoping he would get the hint but it didn’t work! He carried on every lesson for about 2 months, then the seating plan changed and I was free of him but I didn’t feel free! I still feel embarrassed, my confidence is gone, I don’t trust boys, I flinch when people touch me and I just don’t know what to do?  I am so sorry that you went through that. It sounds like it was very scary. What he did was not your fault and it sounds like you are still experiencing a lot of distress from his abuse. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor so that they can assist you in processing your feelings. Speaking with a counselor may be helpful in rebuilding your self confidence and feeling safe. WEAVE provides free short term counseling services for survivors of sexual assault. You can call our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 for more assistance. Again, its not your fault and with help its possible to start feeling better.
A few days ago i was on holiday and had my third massage with a man who’d been treating my neck. We got on well and chatted but this time he was asking me about boyfriends etc. and i felt a bit awkward about it all. Then he kept telling me that even though he was a masseuse he could be very violent and was strong because he was also a boxer. I was lying on my back with my eyes closed when a few minutes later he kissed me. I froze and my heart was pounding because i was so scared but i didn’t stop him straight away because i was so scared and confused and i was thinking ‘this isn’t actually happening’. It was when he started moving the towel off me so i was virtually naked on the table and he touched my breast that i fully realized and said ‘no’. He did pull away and say sorry but i just said its okay because i was so confused and i really didn’t understand what was happening. But then he tried to kiss me again but i said no again so he stopped. Then when i asked to leave he wouldn’t let me and made me have the remaining half hour of my massage. I was so panicked that i acted completely normal and pretended it hadn’t happened (as he told me to). He’s at least 15 years older than me and i can’t stop thinking about it. I feel sick with him but also disgusted at myself for not stopping it sooner and i feel like I’m partly to blame because I’d been friendly chatting before also. Is this assault or not and am i overreacting? I just feel disgusted or detached since it happened and i don’t know what to do. I am so sorry that happened. You are not to blame. What he did was completely uncalled for and not okay. You went to him to get a massage as that is his job. It’s understandable that you were scared and did not know what to do. He made a point to tell you before he started touching you inappropriately that he could be violent.  You told him no and you asked him to leave and he still would not leave you alone. His actions were wrong. You are not to blame. If you would like someone to talk to and process your feelings you are welcome to give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line. You can contact us by calling (916) 920-2952. Again, I am sorry that this happened. You are not alone, we are here to help you. 
May 17, 1994 that was my high school graduation and there was a party at motel 6. All of us were there (the whole class), I had never drunk or smoke weed, but there was plenty of it there. One classmate made me a drink and I took a few sips. After a few minutes, I felt woozy and passed out. When I opened my eyes, two of my classmates were holding me down and the other one was on top of me. I started screaming and fighting to get loose, until the one on top of me started punching me in my face. The lights were off, but I heard other classmates in the room laughing, saying, “Man, I wish I had my video camera, so I can get this on tape.’ Everyone watched while the three of them beat and raped me. Afterwards they all left. I found my underwear in the corner and my nose was bleeding, my lip was busted, and I had a swollen black eye. I never pressed charges, because I was ashamed and I felt guilty. It had mentally destroyed me. I felt like every time I came out my house, people were talking about me, I began hearing voices of people saying that’s her, that the girl that they jumped on. After about 2 weeks of that, I moved to another state alone. I’ve been here in MN ever since. My question is now that its 2014, I recently joined Facebook and I saw one of my attacker and most of my classmates. At least 20 of them have sent me friend request that I have declined. I have never been to any of our class reunions and I have had no desire to see anyone from my class. I live with what happen to me, there is never a day that goes by that I don’t remember. I know they remember. They watched!!! I am now a manic depressive with suicidal tendencies. How can I just forget? Should I delete my fb page? It’s too late to press charges. So how can I heal? It sounds like a very difficult situation and you pose a very good question. It can be very difficult to heal from sexual assault and finding an empathetic therapist may be helpful in moving forward especially with the recent triggers of the friend requests on Facebook. If you are feeling that it is too overwhelming or not helpful for your healing process and wellbeing than suspending or deleting your Facebook account may be a good idea. With social media it is now much easier to be in contact with people you do and do not want to have contact with. Because you are in a different state than where we work it may be helpful to contact a local rape crisis center for support. The National DV hotline should have some local resources for you. The number for the National DV hotline is 1-800-799-7233
When I was 18, I was staying at my boyfriend’s. I was going to community college, my car had broken down, and their house was closest to the school. My boyfriend’s dad attempted to rape me. He was using force and threats. I was crying, told him not to rape me, and that I loved his son. He stopped, told me he loved me like his daughter, and not to tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone. About two weeks later he had me alone again and tried again with more force and threats…it only stopped because his other son came home early…didn’t see anything, didn’t see me, the dad told him we were planning my boyfriend’s birthday. That was 11 years ago. He is now my father in law…I married that boyfriend, his son, when I was 21. We have a 7 year old daughter. I worry about my daughter’s safety and mine still…from her grandfather and father (my husband)…is it too late or inadvisable to try to press charges? Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like a really scary situation. There are a couple of things that you can do. The first, you may call our Support Line at (916) 920-2952 and they can fill out a legal referral form and connect you with the Legal Department who can review your legal options with you. Second, the Support Line can also give you information regarding free sexual assault counseling at our Counseling Center. I am so sorry that you have had to live with this fear for the past 11 years. We are here to help you. 
My ex keeps texting me nasty things about my penis size, it makes me feel awkward and hurt.i cannot block his number as we have a child together. Am I able to file a harassment charge or anything?
This happens in the state of Michigan if that makes any difference
Unfortunately I am not able to provide you with specifics of what help you can access in Michigan regarding your legal rights. It may be helpful to call a local domestic violence agency near you so that they may be able to provide you with information. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233  and they can provide you with local agencies. I am sorry that you are going through this as it sounds like it is very hurtful. I am sorry that we could not be of more help. 
There’s a guy in my classes, and he keeps touching me in a nasty way. My girlfriend has the same testing room as him, and I feel like he is going to try and touch her too. What do I do? I am so sorry that is happening to you. If you can tell the teacher or a school administrator what is happening they should intervene and have him stop. It could be helpful to let your friend know what is happening as well so that she is aware. It sounds like a very uncomfortable and scary situation and it is not okay that he is doing this to you.  
Almost a year ago I was sexually molested by someone I had considered a very close friend. We were on a retreat and drinking was involved–however I was completely aware of what was happening and was in too much shock to do anything as I lie there frozen….I couldn’t sleep for long and left the room where I was sleeping very early in the morning. The next morning he said he was remorsefully sorry and that he was drunk and really didn’t understand why he did what he did…I felt so uncomfortable, I told two of my girl friends also on the trip in private what had happened. One of them said not to tell my boyfriend, and that what our guy friend did was just a small mistake. My other girl friend said that “he probably didn’t do it on purpose” and that deep down everyone and she knows that “he’s a good guy” and they’re sure it was a mistake….
From this day on I felt like I couldn’t even turn to my friends because they had all given him the freebie pass, like because he is considered a good guy, it was okay for him to do what he did. It pisses me off…am I wrong in feeling this way? I started to even consider that THEY may be right and that he is a good guy and it was just a mistake….I’m just so confused.
Your feelings are completely valid and it is unfortunate that you did not get the support that you needed from your friends. Even if your friend was drunk when it happened it does not excuse his actions. If you would like support from a counselor WEAVE offers short-term,  free sexual assault counseling. sometimes it can be helpful to get support from someone who does not know the other person and can offer you support in a safe and confidential setting. If this is something you are interested in or if you would like to get support over the phone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. Again, your feelings are valid and what happened was not okay 
I just found out my 17 year old sister was raped numerous times when she was 5 yrs by a cousin( at that time he was 16) I am very angry and confused i don’t know what to do to help my parent and my sister with this. We just found out because she has been giving us many problems with drugs and alcohol. Please what can i do should i just get her counseling? what do i do with my cousin? Thank you for reaching out to us for help. Because your sister is a minor a counselor would be mandated to report the sexual abuse. If your cousin has access to other children it would also be helpful for CPS to be notified. If you would like for us to make the report for you, you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE provides up to 8 free counseling sessions for individuals who have been assaulted as well as their significant others. If this is something you are interested in please call our Information and Support Line for for more information. I am sorry to hear that this happened to your sister but it is good that she is reaching out for help
My 7 year old granddaughter told me that her moms live in boyfriend keeps tickling her and won’t stop when she asks him to. Is this a sign of something more? I haven’t told my son yet (her father). I don’t want my granddaughter to think that if she tells me something I’m going to tell but this is worrisome to me It is good that your granddaughter felt that she could talk to you about this. Because she brought it up it may indicate that it is bothering her and that she wanted your help. Even if it is not a sign of something more it is showing that although she is telling him to stop tickling her that her words and boundaries are not being listened to. It may be helpful to let your granddaughter know that you would like to talk to her father about this and that she is not in trouble for sharing. 
My boyfriend of a little over a year told me today that when he was 13 and his sister was 14 he went into her room while she was sleeping and began having sex with her. After about 2 or 3 minutes he realized what he was doing was wrong and his sister then woke up. He told his parents and his sister hated him for years. Just this past year she finally forgave him for what he’d done, but he still blames himself for all the pain he caused her, her relationships with men now and their lack of relationship with their father. I can see he is extremely remorseful and he says I am the only person outside of his immediate family that he has ever told. I want to help him but at the same time I’m shocked and worried. He seemed like my soul mate but this secret is very disturbing and I don’t know how to handle it and I would prefer not to tell my friends. I told him I would help him get counseling or to even see a priest in a private confessional. What should I do? It sounds like a very difficult situation and very surprising news for you to receive from your boyfriend. It is understandable that you are finding
yourself questioning what you should do. Unfortunately we cannot say what you should and should not do with the information that you have. It may be important to listen to your instincts and decide from there. WEAVE offers support 24 hours a day through our confidential Support and Infortmation Line. It may help to speak with a counselor about how this news is impacting you. The number for the Support Line is (916) 920-2952.
I need an attorney who can help me with a sexual harassment case , i am scared because it is a large company, I have photos sent to me by my boss of his private parts, and more, I was fired in one month I feel because i would not cooperate.
Is there any attorneys who work on a contingency plan ?
I cannot sleep at night , and have been very depressed, and feel violated
can you help? 
Thank you for your email. It sounds like a very difficult and scary situation. I think calling our Support Line would be helpful to get legal referrals and we can complete a form to see if our Legal Department may be able to be of any assistance. It may be helpful to file a police report. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952.
My 16 year old daughter came to me tonight. She wanted to tell me that her step dad my husband back in ‘06 when he was a raging alcoholic sexually molested her twice. Since then he’s been sober and has done a 180 after a 6 month se pertain him and I had back then. She says he doesn’t know and she hasn’t told him. She swears that he’s never done it but that one time. She claims to not want him to go to jail. Instead she asked if the three of us can go to counseling to rebuild the trust she used to have with him. That there are small triggers like when he yells because she is back talking that she has fears. I feel like my worlds been torn upside down. First off I believe her he was a nasty person then which is why we deprecated. I just don’t know what to say to her. She is begging me not to say anything until I find a counselor. But I told her now that I know I have to protect her and her four siblings. Life will be different now. I guess my question is, is counseling an option for us all to rebuild without our family being torn apart further? Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like it took a lot of courage for your daughter to speak with you and for you to reach out to us. Even though the crime occurred in 2006 because your daughter is a minor and there is other children in the home a counselor would be mandated to make a CPS report for safety of the children. As with other professionals, counselors are mandated reporters of child abuse. Unfortunately I cannot say how counseling would impact your family but it does sound like your daughter is reaching out for help. 
My cousin made me feel awkward.he will ask do you have a boyfriend.one time my aunt had a cookout and when he go pass me he touches my butt. he try to touch me more but we are never alone. i tried to tell my mom or my family.”you like that attention”.they would say i feel alone who do you think i should talk to? I am so sorry that you did not get the response that you needed from your family. It takes a lot of courage to speak up and I think you are very brave. It is not right that your cousin  is touching you and making you feel uncomfortable. Do you have a trusted adult, teacher or school counselor that you can talk to? Sometimes it can be discouraging to tell an adult and not have a safe resolution. If you do not feel that you have anyone else you can talk to you may call our Support Line and speak with a trained counselor. Our Support Line is answered 24 hours a day. The number is (916) 920-2952
I was raped last year by a stranger. I cannot tell anybody because my parents don’t talk to me a is and i don’t really have any friends at school. I am kind of like friends with teacher but i don’t know if i should tell her. I don’t want anybody to see me differently. I am basically the quietest teenager you would ever meet. When i try to say something nothing comes out. Should i try to say something? I haven’t been sleeping or eating lately…. I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with this secret for a year. It must be really hard not knowing who you can talk to or how to even get the words out. The inability to speak and the fear that you will be looked at or treated differently are very common concern following an assault. I am glad that you listed safe adults that you think you can talk to. Their job is to help you and to help you feel safe. You can also give our 24 hour Support and Information Line a call and speak with one of our trained counselors. We are here to help you so that you do not have to go through this by yourself. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line number is (916)920-2952.
Two nights ago I had a party at my house. I share a bedroom with my roommate and there are two beds in the room. Earlier in the night I had consensual sex with my boyfriend. We went back downstairs to party more. Eventually, I went upstairs to go to bed and my boyfriend stayed downstairs with our friends. A guy that had been invited to the party was sleeping in my roommate’s bed. Not thinking anything of it, I went to my bed and tried to fall asleep. I woke up to this guy sitting on my bed asking if he could sleep in my bed with me. I told him no and to go back to the other bed. I fell asleep, and woke up to someone laying behind me and touching me all over. I was half asleep and thought it was my boyfriend so I grabbed his hand and guided it to my breasts, getting into it. I woke up a little more and was about to turn over to kiss my boyfriend when I realized that his hands were smaller. I asked who it was and was surprised to find that the person who was touching me wasn’t my boyfriend. It was the guy who I had told earlier to go away. I screamed and told him to get out of my bed and my room. He got out. I called to police and they came to take my statement but they said since I guided his hand on my body that it wasn’t sexual assault. They said even though I thought it was my boyfriend that I was consenting to him touching me and when I told him to stop he did so there is nothing I can do about it. I still feel really violated and embarrassed. But is there really nothing the police can do just because I thought it was someone else and didn’t stop it until I realized it wasn’t the right person touching me? I didn’t want him to do that and he waited until I was asleep to crawl into my bed anyways. I just need some help with this because I’m upset that the police won’t help. While I do not know all of the laws and cannot speak from a legal perspective it does sound like you did everything that you could do and that you were right in calling the police. That man had no right to be in your bed and you did not know it was not your boyfriend. It must have been a very troubling night and I am sorry that you did not get the support that you needed from law enforcement. If you would like to speak with a counselor and get some support regarding this assault you are welcome to call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 to get more information on how to access free counseling services. 
I am a widowed mother of three girls, 17 1/2, 17 1/2, 20 yrs old. I have been in a relationship with a man (46 yrs old) for 5 yrs now. We have all had a very close loving relationship and my girls even call him dad. He does not live with us, but we have all functioned very much as a close family. The other night has devastated us all. He is not normally a drinker and had drunk several drinks. I fell asleep on the couch and he and one of my 17 yr daughters were up talking. My daughter said that he started talking about odd things and he proceeded to come on to her by touching her butt and boob. She got up and went to her room and he started sobbing on the couch. I awoke and kicked him out and have not conversed with him since. We are all so distraught, angry, and confused. My daughter does not want him to go to jail, but is angry. I don’t want to betray my daughter, nor do I want my other daughters to ever blame her for him being gone. If we talk to a therapist, are they obligated to report him? He is no longer around. My daughters are my first priority. This has never happened before. I need to know what I should do I am sorry that your family is going through this as it must be very devastating. Yes, a therapist would be mandated to report the crime as it was inappropriate touching of a child. It sounds like you have been trying to do the right thing by keeping him away from your children. It is also good that you believed your daughter when she told you what had happened. 
When I was 8 my guy cousin touched me and until this day he still does (I’m 14 and he is 20). I’m really confused and don’t know what to do, I’m scared if I tell my parents my whole family is going to fall apart! I really need help…what should I do? First, what your cousin is doing is not your fault. If you told your family what has been happening any consequences would be on him as he is the one responsible for his inappropriate and illegal actions. I am so sorry that you have had to hold on to this secret. It must be very scary. What he is doing is not right and it is against the law. If you would like to talk to someone about what you are going through you may call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. We are mandated reporters so we would have to make a report but you should not have to be holding on to these secret and troubling emotions
is there anyway i can file a police report for my ex that is calling me while they are having sex????  I do not know if the police would take a report but if your ex is harrassing you it can be helpful to keep a record of the times you are getting these calls. There may be some other options that could be helpful such as blocking their number, changing your number, and looking into a restraining order should you feel unsafe
I’m not sure if this counts as harassment and I had kind of stopped thinking about it but I can’t get it out of my head now, I’m 21 right now. When I was 6 years old me and my older cousin were playing, he was 18 at the time. While playing he started tickling me and tried unzipping my frock, I thought it was a mistake so I kind of zipped it back up but then he did it again, I felt weird but didn’t know what to do so zipped it back up again but he did it once more. He then asked me to tickle him saying that he isn’t ticklish, I tried tickling him since he said I should try and although I felt weird I still tried tickling him. But I felt really weird doing that so I kind of ran away, I don’t remember all the details what I did after that but this incident sticks out and recently my cousin has been having marital issues and his wife has filed for divorce and I can’t stop feeling guilty that somehow this is my fault. It sounds like what happened made you feel very uncomfortable. At 6 years old you were able to recognize that whatever was happening did not feel right to you. Your cousin was an adult and you were a child. You are not to blame for his actions. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now and his impending divorce may have caused you to continue to be thinking of this incident. If you would like to get support regarding your feelings you are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line to speak with a counselor. The Support Line may be reached by calling (916) 920-2952. It is important to remind yourself that it is not your fault, you were just a child and he was an adult
one day my brother tried touching me at night so i told my sisters and he got in big trouble and it has ruined my childhood.1 year and some months ago  and i cant get over the fact my brother would try to touch me like that – his youngest sister of 10 years and who always looked up to him. i was 14 when it happened. i don’t talk to him and when i don’t he says i’m rude and ignorant and wants me to apologize for being rude to him but i tell him no! and that i don’t want us to be brother and sisters and don’t want to talk to him. am i doing something wrong? what should i do? It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in and it must have taken  a lot of courage for you to tell your sisters about what he was doing. It also takes a lot of courage to continue to tell him no. Ultimately it is up to you to decide who you do and do not want in your life. It does not sound like he has been the safest person to be around and it is understandable that you do not feel comfortable with him. If you would like support regarding your decision to set limits with him and to talk about your feelings we have counselors on call 24 hours a day on our Support Line. You are welcome to call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952
What resources are available where I can search to describe the problem of “Human Sex Trafficking In the United States?” Some resources include: Polaris Project, “Sex Trafficking in the U.S.”: www.polarisproject.org/human-trafficking/sex-trafficking-in-the-us. U.S. Dept. of State, Office to Monitor and Combat Trafficking in Persons: www.state.gov/j/tip/index.htm
Trafficking in Persons (TIP) Report: http://www.state.gov/j/tip/rls/tiprpt/. Prostitution Research & Education, all trafficking-related sub-tabs under “Library” tab: http://prostitutionresearch.com
i don’t know what to do I saw pictures on my cousin phone of her 9 year old daughter naked please help should i confront  her or go to the police Thank you for contacting us regarding your question as it is a very serious situation. For the child’s safety it would be best to contact the police and child protective services. After you call them it will be up to them to follow up accordingly. It must have been very alarming for you to see those pictures. By calling the appropriate authorities they can work to investigate the situation and then it is no longer on your shoulders and is up to them to act. I am sorry that that happened and am so glad that you reached out for support. 
When I was ages 12-13 my (ex) boyfriend who is the same age as me fingered me and had me give him a hand job. He emotionally manipulated me in the fact that he would break up with me if I didn’t let him finger me and if I didn’t give him a hand job. He also emotionally manipulated me In the same way, into sending him inappropriate photos via text. Is this sexual assault? Or is it really all my fault? Once or twice I said no but he didn’t listen so I just gave up. Once I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I had to physically remove his hand from my vagina… Is this sexual assault? Or sexual abuse? What degree of sexual assault/abuse is this? I haven’t told anyone and I won’t tell anyone I just want to know if what happened to me is against the law. I am so sorry that he did that to you. It must have been very scary and confusing. Any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay. From what you describe it sounds like there was emotional and sexual abuse within your relationship. If you would like more information regarding teen dating violence and the services WEAVE provides that may help you process your abuse you can call our 24 hour Support and Information line to speak with a counselor. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. Again, I am sorry this happened and I think it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help.    
People below my apartment are banging, screaming and cursing after 12 am. The landlord wants to make me move out. He does not do anything about it I feel like sexual harassment what should i do It sounds like a difficult situation. It may be helpful to contact the Fair Housing Commission to see what your rights are and if there is any assistance they may be able to provide. Their contact information is
1112 I St  Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 444-6903
I wonder if u could give me some advice. I’m feeling suicidal and feeling violated but not sure I have reason to be feeling either if these things. I’m bipolar so unsure if I’m just depressed. My boyfriend started using drugs and gets verbally aggressive. Last time this happened I begged him to let me sleep and he did so, until I woke up startled to find him ‘invading my personal space’ in a sexual manner. I feel violated but he said he didn’t know I was asleep. Is this just a mistake on his part or have I been assaulted? It’s happened a couple if times and both times I expressed my horror, kicked him and screamed at him. He’s always so apologetic afterwards but I’m now getting frightened of falling asleep. You definitely have a valid reason to feel the way that you do.  Sexual assault is anyone doing sexual act or attempting to do sexual acts to another person without consent. You describe being asleep and being woken up to him invading your personal space in a sexual manner. It does not sound like you gave him consent and that can feel very violating especially when it is by someone you are supposed to be able to trust. I encourage you to speak to a safe person about what you are going through so that you are not dealing with this alone. You also have the option to call law enforcement to report this if you choose. WEAVE  has a 24/7 support and information line you can call to create a safety plan and get resources and information for counseling or other resources. Their number is 916-920-2952. It can also be helpful to call Nar-Anon Family Groups 646-6534 for support because you mentioned he has been using drugs.
My son who is 7, has been sexually assulted by a 5 year old boy, who has been in the same foster home since the age of 1. I have taken all of the right steps in contacting and making an incident report with police. I have been in contact with the Crisis Recovery Counseling, where my son will now have to have a Forensic Analysis. How is this possible and WHY did this happen to my child? It appears that you have taken the correct steps to report this incident to law enforcement.  I am sorry that you did not feel that you got an immediate response that, I am sure, you were wanting so this matter could be addressed.  It is important for you to offer support to your child and request that his needs regarding this incident are being addressed by the foster home staff.  You may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak to an advocate that will be able to provide support and information about counseling referrals.  Having one’s child hurt in any manner is always difficult for a parent to deal with so it is important for you to continue seeking support for yourself and your son. 
A college boyfriend called me several years ago and we dated for a while. After a year he told me he had something to say to me. He said that when we were in college, the first time I drank and passed out at a party — before I actually went out with him — he said he felt my breasts and I never knew and he never told me. He laughed when he told me, but I felt violated and told him I thought he was disrespectful. And why did he wait over 20 years to tell me? It made me feel used, 20 years after the fact. Was I overreacting? I told a couple of friends, and most kind of thought I was overreacting and that lots of boys did this. I disagree and it really bothers me — yet I feel as if it shouldn’t bother me. I quit seeing this man shortly after he told me this. It is not unreasonable for you to feel violated.  And, no, you are not overreacting.  Even though this event occurred 20 years ago, it was not appropriate and he continued to be disrespectful by laughing at you when he told you about it.  The feelings you are experiencing are consistent with someone who has been violated and had no control over what happened to them.  You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak with an advocate that can give you information about how you may access our counseling services or referrals in your area.  It is important for you to trust your feelings and know that you can reach out for support.
What’s the major consequence if my ex girlfriend is taking me to court in regards to child pornography and Avo she took out against me? What are the charges?
Subject:

Additional comments:
She wrote in her avo so many things about me that I didn’t even do (e.g. Threaten her life)
She out of her own will ( without my force) sent explicit photos of herself to me and is now taking me to court because “apparently” I sent others via the Internet these photos (which I didn’t).
The police seized my computer and phone, which contains a few of these photos.
However, that should mean I’m charged. Just warned.

(She was 15 during the relationship and I was 19) however she lied and told me she was 16.
 

These are really good questions for your attorney. Whether that is a public defender or another type of attorney you have for yourself. An attorney would be able to inform you of your rights and the charges that could be going to court. All of the concerns you have regarding the chain of events should be given to your attorney and or police department. Sorry we couldn’t be of more help but it sounds like the best help you could get would be from your attorney and or legal representative.
I have a housemate that is verbally and has grabbed me abusively. He is male, I’m female. I had the police come and they took him to jail. he was drunk. I was sleeping and he tried to touch me. They asked if I wanted to press charges. I did not. I have nowhere else to go right now. I am looking for a job at the present time. What should I do? I have nowhere to go. We have Never had a physical relationship.
Subject:
I am so sorry it sounds like a very stressful situation having to find somewhere to live so unexpectedly on top of the trauma that comes from being sexually assaulted. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and Information Line that offers Support and Information on resources that may be of help to your situation. The number is 916-920-2952.
Hi the humiliation is so hard to live with.. i am gay and I am owned because I had no option I am raped all the time im feminized like a woman and I am scared to speak up I cant narc its a death sentence.

Additional comments:
I just hate looking at myself Im nothing im a turned out prison whore and the other inmates just make fun of me this is so hard to do I am ashamed of the words
 

I am so sorry for what you must be going through. I know that it is hard to ask for help while incarcerated but it may be helpful to know what your resources are while incarcerated. See if there is a safe person to talk to so that you are not dealing with things alone. It sounds like a very scary situation but the feelings you are describing are very normal for victims that have been sexually assault. WEAVE does have a toll free number to call for support and resources that number is 1-866-920-2952.
My daughter is 15. Two years ago she was gang raped. I am her mother. I just found out about the incident a few weeks ago. She is being treated for PTSD. Everyday I look in the mirror and my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest. I am so sad and I just can’t seem to feel better. I know that I’m not the one that was raped but I just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that I should have been there to help her. She came to me after it happened and told me the kids at school were being mean to her, but she didn’t tell me this, I just feel so helpless and sad. I could use some advise on how to deal with this.
Subject:
I am so sorry for what you and your daughter must be going through. When it comes to sexual assault not only is the victim going through their healing process but so are loved ones. It is important to find a safe place to talk about what you’re going through around your daughter’s assault. Counseling could be a great resource in helping to work through your own grief as well as suggestions on ways to help and understand what your daughter may be going through. There is no set amount of time in the healing process everyone is different but there is hope and things can get better. WEAVE has counseling services available and you can get that information by calling our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.
I am twenty-one years old and I work in a family-friendly environment. Two days ago (a very busy Saturday), I was in the elevator at work with a group of people and a man began touching me inappropriately, putting his arms around my waist, stroking my hands and arms, and pushing me into the corner and trying to kiss me. The man was dressed in a way to make it look like he worked there, which he does not. I immediately called my supervisor, who began to follow the man around the building while I went and called Security. My supervisor “lost sight” of the man and Security couldn’t locate him either. So he got away.

I’m wondering if I should speak out against my place of work for letting the man get away. He sexually assaulted me, an employee, and who knows what he could have done to any number of children in the area if he’d had the chance? I believe my supervisors should have immediately called the police and had the man arrested and charged.

I’ve been trying to get over the incident but the more I think about it, the more frightened I become. This happened at my work, where I should be safe no matter what, so now I’m terrified to be out anywhere alone.

I’m very confused. Thank you for your support.
 

I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been very scary. If you would like to speak with HR at your work you certainly have the right to do so. You may also contact local law enforcement to see if they can take a report. It may be helpful in finding the man who did this to you. If your work has an EAP program it may be helpful to speak with someone to discuss your feelings. WEAVE also provides up to 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault clients. If you would like more information regarding available times to meet with a counselor you may call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. 
I am… basically a trans boy, for these purposes. (Non-transitioning, if that matters for my question.) I was abused as a child, and when I was no older than 13 (my memory is fuzzy but the other child’s account indicates that year), over a decade ago, I assaulted another, younger child. I never talked about it or apologized for it, because I didn’t know whether they remembered or not, and if they didn’t I felt it wasn’t my right to bring it up again and retraumatize them. I never did anything like that to anyone else. They have now told my fiancee, who is a survivor of much worse abuse, what I did to them. They don’t want any contact with me. I am respecting their wishes. After a long talk about what exactly happened, how I felt about it then, and how I feel about it now, my fiancee says she still loves me, wants to get married, wants our relationship to be romantic, and believes I am a good person now. Understandably, she doesn’t want any sexual contact with me for the forseeable future. I am having a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror and not seeing a villain, and my jerkbrain is rearing up and using the fact that she doesn’t want sexual contact or to sleep alone in the same room with me as evidence that I am disgusting and a monster and can’t ever be a good person and still be happy or productive. Rationally, I know that’s not true, but I need a neutral party to talk to who has some experience in this area, and while I don’t want to use resources meant for assault *survivors*, I thought WEAVE might know where there might be resources that could help me. Can you recommend, for example, support groups for queer or trans men (or really, any men’s group that wouldn’t balk at the fact that I am not “biologically male”) who were abused as children that are free, or extremely low-cost, or provided through an area university? I’ve Googled but I haven’t been able to find anything. It sounds like you’re having a pretty stressful time. You can definitely seek low cost counseling here at WEAVE for any issue. However, if you would like to focus on the sexual abuse you suffered as a child, those services would be free at WEAVE. If you feel more comfortable, you can seek out the Gender Health Center for low cost counseling as well. If at any time you feel that you need emotional support, please contact our 24 hour, anonymous support line at 916 920 2952.
I am a lesbian who had started getting raped a year ago today. It was on going for a few weeks until I was able to get away. I ended up getting pregnant and having a son. My girlfriend has been very understanding through this entire process but my attacker found out I was pregnant and before my son was even born he had gone to the court saying he wanted sole custody and was trying to get me served. I never reported it, after the initial shock because of who this person was to me, I also didn’t want my son to ever find out how he was conceived so I never reported it. My son is almost 3 months now and there have been 2 hearings in this custody battle, I was wondering if, in the state of Arizona, I could still report it and if that could make a difference? I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately, I do not know the laws in Arizona and would not be able to provide you with legal advice. It must be difficult trying to tend to the physical and emotional needs of your infant while also trying to move on and heal from the assault when you have to deal with your rapist in court. It may be helpful to call the police department in the town where the crime occurred and see what the statute of limitations is concerning rape in AZ. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding your experience and get some emotional support you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
Last week I was camping with a group of friends I’ve known for years. There was one new person who some of them had known for a while. We flirted and I was interested in making out. Everyone got pretty drunk, we ended up going for a walk and he asked me if I wanted to sit in his car to be warm. We ended up making out which was fine but then he started pushing for more. I was very specific and verbally stated this is what I am and am not comfortable with. He said he understood and then 5 seconds later tried doing exactly what I’d just told him not to and was not taking my pushing his hands away hint. After re-verbalizing twice I told him I didn’t think we should continue at which point he did anyway but I physically pushed him and got out of the car. Because I was in a, what I thought was safe environment, I am scared no matter where I go now. I was out in public alone today and almost had a panic attack. I also caught myself wishing I was less attractive so nobody would look at me. I know time will dissipate this fear, but I just wanted to know if there are any exercises or anything I can do to speed up my healing process. I don’t want this to change my life or who I am. I don’t want to give him that power over me. It’s also extra hard for me because I normally would not do anything like this, putting myself in what I would say is a dangerous situation, It was because I was with all friends, who all vouched for him beforehand, that I let my guard down and now I feel like an idiot who knew better. I am sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you were more than clear with him what you were and were not okay with. You are right in that it will take some time to start to feel better as it just happened. It is good that you are aware that it is bothering you and that you are not
I was raped by my cousin from since I was 8yrs old he didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties, then I found out he was also raping my mother. Can i press charges against him? He’s admitted what he’s done and is now a member of the church surrounded by children.  What can I do now 20yrs later? I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. It must have been very frightening for you. I am not aware of the statute of limitations where you are from. In regards to him being around children, if you have concerns that other children are at risk you can file an anonymous report with child protective services. If you would like additional support regarding how the sexual abuse has impacted your life and would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
I had an ‘incident’ which triggered me to kind of…I dunno I was freaking out in the corner of elevator all by myself, crying and just generally wishing I could crawl into a hole and hide. So I finally made the decision to see someone. I had an initial appointment a few weeks ago with a LCSW . Sort of an appointment to meet and build a rapport I guess. She asked me to describe my ‘most’ traumatic experience….but every time I sit down to sort of write this out ….I can’t lock it down to ‘one’ single traumatic experience. It’s been a life time of crap…and I’ve spent a life time denying, ignoring, minimizing, and rationalizing every single incident. I don’t know how to do this….and I’m confused by all these crazy feelings swirling around…it doesn’t make any sense to me and it makes it hard to think straight and carry on a decent conversation about any of this.I have my next appointment on Saturday. and now the closer the appointment gets the more I don’t want go. I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. It takes a lot of
courage to reach out for help, schedule a counseling appointment,
and meet with a new therapist. It can also be challenging to narrow
down what is troubling to a single event. It may be helpful to remind
yourself that you have already started the hard work by reaching out
for help. Its common to feel nervous about continuing counseling
services and you may find it helpful to speak with your therapist about
your feelings of unease. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support
and Information Line for additional support as you continue processing
your experiences you are more than welcome to. Our number is
(916)920-2952,

What further can I do? I was in the process of moving into my new home and my best friend’s husband helped me. Her and I have been friends from childhood and we are now 62. She did not come on the last load of boxes. I was outside sweeping up leaves and nails in the driveway when her husband called me and asked if I would show him where the boxes go, I walked inside the kitchen, took off my sun glasses and he was standing there naked and grabbed me, and started pulling my shirt off, I slapped him and told him to get out of my house. He said don’t tell her, because I’ll say you did it. I couldn’t get her on the phone but texted her. Her immediate reply was Are you serious? What are you telling me? I’m sorry this happened. This is not his first go around. He forced himself on her 14 year old daughter, but she believed him and blamed the daughter! She later texted me that she could not be around me or him because she’s upset. I then found out she kept him for a paycheck. She ruined a lifelong friendship for money. I reported this to the police and NOTHING has been done. He texted me and said “I’m sorry but you shouldn’t have told her”, I did forward his text to her with no reply. They still live together. I’m always looking over my should and cannot believe someone would stoop so low. I have pictures of the bruses on my arm and leg from him not letting go, and I tripped over a chair that caused the bruse on my leg. Police didn’t care
It sounds like that was a very scary experience and that you are
having a mixture of emotions following the assault and loss of your
long friendship. If you feel that speaking with a counselor would be
helpful WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of
sexual assault and has trained Support Line volunteers available by
phone 24/7 at (916)920-2952. I am sorry that you were unable to get
the support you needed from your friend or from law enforcement, 

My 17 year old daughter was sexually assaulted by her Karate instructor. My daughter was in the bathroom rinsing her face, when the male instructor (approximately 45-50 years old) opened the door without knocking. He then wet paper towels opened her shirt and sports bra to wipe her chest with the wet paper towels. Her breast were exposed. The instructor states he thought she looked ill and he wanted to cool her down. Prior to class starting my daughter was doing her practice stretches and the male instructor approached her and asked if her nipples were pierced.
Apparently, my daughter has felt uncomfortable around him for months. He has regularly said inappropritate things to her and others, but she just tried to ignore or avoid him… until this happened. She told me what happened when she got home. I immeditely took her back to the karate school and confronted the instructor. He admitted touching her, but stated it was to help cool her down and nothing more. I did not know about him asking her about the nipples being pierced at the time. I was told that the next day by my daughter. My daughter is a very honest, innocent, and naive 17 year old.
My wife has been asked by a few people why we left the karate school. My wife simply told them the instructor innapropriately touched our daughter and asked her things of a sexual nature. These people now want to leave the school too. The instructor is now threatening to sue us for slander. This all happened just 3 weeks ago. Should I have filed a police report? Should I do it now? I think he is bluffing about the slander lawsuit, but who knows.
I want to ignore it al and let it go away, but I just don’t know what to do???
—Signed a very confused Father
I am sorry to hear that you and your family are going through such a
terrible ordeal. It must have been very scary for your daughter. If you
and your family decide to contact law enforcement they can take an
incident report. Because the instructor has access to other children it
may be something to consider. As far as the threats to sue, he may or
may not be serious. It is great that your daughter has your support and
that you believe what she is telling you. If you would like to speak with
a counselor or if your daughter would, we have free counseling services available. We also have a 24 hour Support and Information Line that
can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again, I am so sorry that you and
your family is going through this and we can help provide you with
emotional support and review options with you. 
My niece is marrying what i thought was a wonderful man in October. He made sexual advances to me and is denying it as well as my niece and his parents. My family supports me. What do I do? It is good that you have the support of your family. It must have felt very uncomfortable for you to have him make sexual advances towards you while engaged to marry your niece. It sounds like you attempted to hold him accountable for his behavior but he is refusing. Unfortunately, it does not sound like everyone is supportive of how you feel and what you experienced. It may be helpful to know that you did your best to have him come forward and be honest about his behavior. It might also help for you to talk with someone about how the experience has made you feel. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor.
I’m an RN working for a local clinic. We frequently see women after an assault for pregnancy testing and other services. I had a patient today who states she contacted WEAVE for individual counseling related to her assault and she was told there is a fee schedule. I’ve tried the information line several times and due to the call volume, can’t access staff to ask questions. Please let me know what the fee schedule is for 1-to-1 counseling, and let me know if there are fees for group counseling. Many Thanks! Thank you for the important work that you do in the community and for reaching out to get clarity regarding the fee for services WEAVE provides. Counseling services for survivors of sexual assault is free of charge. WEAVE offers a free triage counseling service and eight counseling sessions at no charge for survivors of sexual assault. If the survivor has made a police report and is interested in Victims of Crime Compensation Program we work with the survivor to help them complete an application that may qualify them for additional counseling services. Triage appointments are offered at various times throughout the week. WEAVE offers triage counseling at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s and Thursdays from 10a-1p and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We have Spanish triage sessions on Thursdays from 10a-1pm.  We also offer triage services on Mondays in English and Spanish from 4p-7p at our South Sacramento location, 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823. Clients are asked to get there early in order to find parking and check in at reception. Appointments typically last for 30 minutes and are held on a first come, first served basis. Thank you for reaching out to us and thank you for the important work you do. 
Do you have an in-patient treatment program for women?This is regarding a 27 year-old who has been sexually abused most of her life.If you don’t provide this level of care, can you recommend a facility – does not need to be in CA
Thank you!
I do not know of an inpatient treatment program for rape victims but here is a resource that may be able to help. The “Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)” is a national resource for sexual assault victims and I think they may be able to help you. Their National Sexual Assault Hotline |is 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) Our agency is in Sacramento and does offer counseling. If you are interested you can get the details of our counseling services by calling our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
My mum had family friends in a town 4 hours from where we live, we used to visit them all the time. Anyway, we were staying with them (one time when I was 11) and my mum had to return home for work or something for a day and would be back the next day. She asked if I wanted to go with her and I said no, I’d just see her the next day. I woke up that night with Mum’s family friend (male, about 50) in my bed. I didn’t know what to do. He was spooning me and asked me “do you want me to go?”. I had no idea what to do. I remember he had his hand in my pants on my bum and he also made me touch his privates by grabbing my hand and putting it on them. He took me downstairs and made me a hot chocolate and I remember him kissing me on the head a lot and patting me on the head. I packed my bag and said I was going to leave and he said mum would be back the next day. After he had gone back to bed I called my mums house phone and she didn’t answer. A few minutes later, the man who had assaulted me’s wife came up and asked if I had called mum and I said yes and I just missed her and wanted to talk to her. The next day when mum got back I started crying and said I just missed her. I am now 19 and have never told anyone, this is the first time I have said anything as I am beginning to not be able to cope with it mentally at all. I was wondering if you could give me any advice on where to start to resolve this or at least be able to tell someone in person about it? I am so sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic event at such a young age. Everyone’s healing process can be different but it is very normal for trauma to affect us many years later. It can really help to talk with a professional and or supportive person about the feelings and things you are going through. WEAVE does offer free sexual assault counseling.  Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support.
Yesterday, I woke up to find my friends boyfriend in the bed, spooning me and with his hands in my pants. I pushed him away, climbed out of the bed and left the room. His girlfriend – my friend, was next to me, I was in the middle – why did he climb in behind me? As I climbed out of the bed, I glimpsed that he had his bits exposed. I pretended I didn’t see and I went outside to calm down and gather my thoughts. I’ve tried to block it out but I think I may break.

I am now sat at my desk and feel alone and violated. How dare he help himself? I have only ever been with my 3 boyfriends and I have never ever had even a random kiss with anyone. I am very protective of my body. I feel absolutely violated, and I’m devastated and I have no idea what to do about it. I can’t believe it.
 

You have every right to be upset about his actions. Unwelcome sexual advances are not okay. It may be helpful to talk with someone about what happened. Speaking with a Support Line counselor might give you the emotional support you need to process what happened. You are welcome to contact the 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We have counselors available day and night to assist you.
Just last night, I was in the metro late in the evening going home. A guy sits beside me while waiting for the train, from the corner of my eye, it looked like he was jerking off, but I figured it was my imagination. When the metro arrived, he sat diagonal from me. We were alone in the metro. I turned away from him, to look in the window (which doubles as a mirror when it’s dark).
Through the reflection I saw him jerking off to me, his penis was completely visible. Two stops later, he sits up, with his penis out. He left the train, but stuck his penis to the window, right on my face, jerking off again. He gave the sickest grin I’ve ever seen. The metro left, he put himself away, and it ended there.
My question is, he didn’t touch me, but I feel violated… Should I call the police or not? I don’t know what to do.
First of all, I am so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like it must have been awful. You have every right to contact law enforcement. You may contact RT for crime related issues by or suspicious activity to RT Police by calling 916-556-0275 or by sending a text to 67283 beginning with “sacrt” followed by a space and your message. Remember to save 67283 in your phone as “RT Crime Tips” for easy texting access later. A person does not have to touch you in order for you to be violated. This person’s actions were completely inappropriate and law enforcement may appreciate the call as that way they can have a record that someone did this and you can get some support for what happened. RT might even have cameras so that they can identify the perpetrator. You can also call us on our Support Line if you need emotional support. Our 24-hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
Last night, me, my best friend, and my best friend’s boyfriend were drinking a little. We didn’t have much, and I’m pretty sure none of us were drunk.
We went to sleep, all in my bed but with my best friend in the middle. At one point I thought I felt someone touching my private area (over my shorts) and I woke up. When I woke up, it was gone. I fell back asleep and woke up again because someone was moving my arm. I opened my eyes and my best friend’s boyfriend was by my side of the bed, moving my arm towards his crotch. He immediately stopped and went to the other side of the room, but didn’t lay back down.

I stayed awake but pretended to be asleep, because, at this point, I wasn’t sure what was going on. I was still really tired and wasn’t sure if I had just dreamed it or what. He kept shining the light by the bed, I guess to see if I was asleep. Later on, he poked my leg, I’m assuming to see if I was awake or not. I pretended to be asleep. He poked me a few more times, and then slowly lifted the blanket. He groped my butt and I could feel that he was pleasuring himself. I was frozen, and still tired, wondering if it was real or not. I know I should have told him to stop, but at the time I really didn’t know what to do. So I layed there and pretended to be asleep.

The next day I confronted him about it and he swore up and down he thought I was his girlfriend. I’m pretty sure he knew I wasn’t, though, because his movements were really really slow, so that I wouldn’t wake up. And he knew which side of the bed I was on. I told his girlfriend and she believes that he thought I was her, so they are staying together.

Basically, I guess I’m just needing some advice on what to do, if anything at all.
 

It sounds like that was a really scary and uncomfortable night for you. It took a lot of courage to confront him and to tell your friend what happened.  Fight or flight is a very common response to frightening, and strange situations. It’s understandable that you felt frozen and were trying to figure out what was happening. He shouldn’t have been touching you and even if he thought you were his girlfriend it would not give him the green light to grope someone in their sleep.  It may be difficult to limit your contact with him as he is your best friend’s boyfriend but it could be helpful to let your friend know that you are not comfortable around him anymore.  It doesn’t sound like he is going to admit to what happened. Even if he doesn’t admit what happened, continue to trust your gut and know that you did nothing wrong.
My boyfriend of 3 years has been working hard to help my oldest daughter who is 13 with her self esteem. She has been through a rough period and we just went on a vacation and the bed was smaller so he said he would sleep with her instead of the 2 of us sleeping together. The sleeping arrangements were cramped as we were staying with friends. They would stay up and talk and watch tv. My boyfriend has sleep apnea and wears a CPAP mask. On the last night, in his sleep, he fingered her. She woke up and rolled over. He then woke up, realized what was happening and asked to talk to her. She came to me and we talked, he and I talked and the 3 of us talked. He was mortified, sick to his stomach and very apologetic. He has sleep groped me before but we never thought of the danger of putting her in the situation of sleeping in the same bed with him. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened before. He is scared to death. She wants to discuss with her counselor but we are afraid she would be required to report it and that would bring a lot of things with it. We are trying to work through this with her. Obviously she will never be put in that situation again. He is concerned that she could report it years down the line and he could go to jail. We don’t know what to do but it appears to be sexsomnia. How do we approach this? We are all scared. This is a really difficult situation without an easy answer. I can’t tell you what to do but I do know that asking your daughter to keep a secret such as this one can have very long lasting trauma. It can be beneficial for your daughter to talk with her counselor even though you have concerns regarding the counselors mandated reporter responsibilities. Discouraging your daughter from talking about it with her counselor might lead her to think it is her fault or that it is wrong to talk to her counselor about it.  You and your daughter are more than welcome to call our 24/hr support line for support and or information and resources the number is 916-920-2952
I’m 17 years old and am scared that my boss is sexually assaulting me.
At first I just put him down to overly friendly but now he’s taken in too far. He’s tried to kiss me multiple times, and has groped me in inappropriate places (‘up’ and ‘down’). I’ve told him that I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to do it but he is persistent. The most recent case of him touching me resulted in me freezing with shock and I wasn’t able to say anything. I’m scared that if I tell him what he’s doing is wrong and illegal he’ll see it as a threat and blackmail me into losing or making my job a misery. I really don’t want to involve the police because I don’t want to get him into trouble. I know that might not make sense but it seemed like he was my friend once.I’m scared and I don’t know what to do! Please, any help or information would be much appreciated.
What your boss is doing to you is against the law under sexual harassment and even sexual assault.  He is your boss and I know it can be scary to risk losing your job but I encourage you to talk to someone about what is going on because you don’t deserve to work in a work environment like that. Also his behavior can escalate if he’s feeling like he’s getting away with it and I would hate to see you in a worse situation than you are already in. If you did decide to report him to the police it would not be you getting him in trouble if he was the one making the choice to sexually harrass/sexually assault you. WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault.  Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support.
This incident happened to me about 10 days ago.I am a grad student and had a professional relationship with a gentleman! I had an appointment with him in the morning, we had some conversations including my plan in subleasing my apartment and his cousin who is seeking an apartment to sublease. I got back home and got busy with my study and my plan was to go to my classmates party. He sent me a text if he can stop by to see my apartment for his cousin, and I accepted. He came by to my place in the early evening and I offered some tea. We had some tea and some conversation including our plan for that night. I told him I am going to my classmates party and if he wants can join us. He told me he will let me know if he decides to join. I went to the party, and I drank too much started getting totally drunk. He sent me a text that he ended up going to another party and if I want can join them, and I responded I am having fun here besides I am too drunk and cannot drive. And then he responded he will come to ride me home. A few minutes after I was totally drunk, about to pass out, feeling bad and needed to go home. My friends rode me home, meanwhile he was calling me, finally I took one of his call and told him my friends are riding me home. I got home, got out of car, and said good bye to friends and he was waiting for me by my apartment. He helped me out to go home and right after getting home I passed out, and barely remember whatever happened after that. I just remember separated scenes, he held me on his arms to put me on my bed, he had water pitcher and a mug in his hand to give me some water, and the next scene I remember I was totally naked and he was having sex with me!! I remember I was confused, felt like having sex with my ex-boyfriend, then remembered it was not my ex, it was him, and then passed out again! And it happened several times to me! I remember, he wanted to leave my apartment in the middle of night and was getting dressed and said “I made an ethical mistake!” He left and I passed out again. The day after, I was suffering from hangover, and started thinking what happened to me! In the beginning I thought I might get naked by myself but couldn’t remember and when I investigated my clothing, shoes, tights I made sure he took all my clothes off and had intercourse with me while I was passed out. I’d had pain in my vagina for 2-3 days after.I haven’t spoken to anybody yet but I have been having a terrible feeling since then. During the first 2-3 days I was feeling guilty and felt it was my fault and mistake, but when I read more about the definition of rape and my rights, I made sure what happened to me was rape and I was a victim! I didn’t want to have sex with this guy! I really don’t know what to do, if I should report, and how to get out of that. I have a terrible feeling right now, please advise! I am so sorry for all that you must be going through right now. You do still have the right to make a report to law enforcement. It is against the law to have sex with someone while they are under the influence because they would not be in the right frame of mind to give consent. Many people take advantage of others vulnerability while they are under the influence. Whether or not you decide to report this crime to law enforcement I would encourage you to find someone safe to talk about this whether it be a friend or professional counseling. WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault.  Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support. I am glad that you have come to understand that none of what happened to you was your fault because it wasn’t. I hope that you reach out again if you have any further questions and or need support.
I had a friend he was an old boyfriend I trusted him so we where
chilling out in his room and I fell asleep I woke up to Him with his hands
down my pants I said stop but he didn’t I’ve been through this before so I just closed my eyes and let him do as he wanted I just shut down the bad bit is I have a boyfriend and I haven’t told him I don’t want him to know about any of it or what else I’ve been through I just want to forget about it
 
I am so sorry that happened to you. I want you to know that you are not alone and that there is support available for you should you want to talk to someone. We offer 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You may also contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 should you want to speak with a counselor over the phone. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. The thoughts and feelings you are having regarding the assault are normal and it’s understandable that you just want to forget that it ever happened. Please know that we are here to help you.

My ex boyfriend – we’ve been broken up for nearly 2 years, we’re still friends but have sex on a number of occasions over the past year. I have a new boyfriend now and told my ex boyfriend that under no circumstances was I ever going to cheat on him but we could still be friends as we were always pretty close before we got together and kept that friendship afterwards as well. So my ex came over to see me, the plan was just to drink tea, chat and generally hang out. That was fine to start with, my little girl was still awake and everything was fine. Then once I put her to bed he decided to sit next to me on the sofa. He started casually coming on to me, I told him to behave and to stop it and that it wasn’t going to happen… but he couldn’t seem to take no for an answer. He kept doing it despite me saying for him to stop, eventually he picked me up and took me to my bedroom. I told him to put me down and that I wasn’t going to have sex with him and to stop. But he still wouldn’t stop, he kept kissing me and putting his hands down my top, etc. He was laying on top of me and he was a lot stronger than me, I kept saying no, kept saying for him to stop it and he just replied “I can’t stop” I pushed him away but he moved my hands and carried on, I kept pushing him away saying no stop but he kept going, he managed to undo my
trousers and kept trying to pull them down and I kept pulling them back up. Eventually he managed to get them off an had undone his trousers, I didn’t know what to do, I knew what he was going to do and I couldn’t stop him. Eventually I stopped pushing him away as it was doing no good, he was much stronger than me, I just laid there telling him to stop but he kept going telling me how he wanted to make love to me one last time, that nobody would
ever find out. Then I stopped fighting, I don’t know why, I didn’t want what was happening and I kept thinking about my boyfriend and how much it would hurt him if he ever found out, but I let it happen anyway. He didn’t hurt me, he didn’t threaten to hurt me, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but I also knew that I couldn’t stop him (if that even makes any sense!?) Afterwards what happened hadn’t really registered…. was it rape? I don’t know, because I stopped fighting does that mean I gave him consent? Because
he didn’t hurt me does that mean I basically just had normal sex with him or what? I’m really confused.

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. What you are describing happened with your ex-boyfriend is sexual assault because it was non-consensual. You told him that you did not want to have sex with him and he did not listen to you. You are not to blame for what happened. He had the choice to listen to you and not force himself on you and he did so even though you told him not to. You did everything you could to do. It is not your fault. You do not need to fight the entire assault for it to be considered rape. You told him no and that is enough. Please know that there is support out there for you and counselors that are available to help you work through this and answer your questions. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You are more than welcome to contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line for more additional support and more information on how to access services. WEAVE offers free counseling triage service on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 1900 K street from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays 4pm-7pm. Our 24 hour Support Line may be reached at (916)920-2952.


When I was a child, another child assaulted me. I have dealt with
it the best I can, and I am proud that I have worked through all the
triggering and such. The problem is that I live in a small town and the person who assaulted me keeps popping up. The person went to the same
High school as me, so I switched high schools. But like I said the town is small and there have been various other incidents like that. I have become completely anxiety-ridden and I don’t feel safe in my own city. I feel as
When I was a child, another child assaulted me. I have dealt with
it the best I can, and I am proud that I have worked through all the
triggering and such. The problem is that I live in a small town and the person who assaulted me keeps popping up. The person went to the same
High school as me, so I switched high schools. But like I said the town is small and there have been various other incidents like that. I have become completely anxiety-ridden and I don’t feel safe in my own city. I feel as
though I should move to a new town or something, and that I can’t move on and be successful where I am now. Is moving a good idea? though I should move to a new town or something, and that I can’t move on and be successful where I am now. Is moving a good idea?

Thank you for reaching out to us to share your story and current challenges. It sounds like living in your current town is proving to be very difficult with your rapist there and that is understandable. A change of scenery may be good for you. It may be helpful to sit down and make a pro and con list for moving. Sometimes it can be helpful to make a decision when seeing what the pros and cons are on paper. You may also contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line that can provide you with support and be a sounding board for you while you review your options. It does not sound like it is an easy decision to make or an easy situation to be in. Hopefully by weighing the pros and cons and contacting our Support Line for information you will be able to make a decision that works best for you and your future goals.
A guy I did not want touching me put his fingers or penis in my
vagina. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed to say that I do not even know if it was his fingers or penis. I battle in my mind because I think it is not as bad if it was his fingers and can not even handle the idea it may have been more. Are both of these rape? Is it not so bad if it is just his fingers? I just feel gross and ashamed. I don’t want to be around anyone who knew me at that time of my life because I just can’t handle what happened. It is frustrating not to remember/know what happened. I feel like if I could remember then everything would be ok. Somehow, I don’t think that is true
though.
 
The feelings you describe are very normal symptoms for people that have been through trauma as you have described. Anyone that has had sexual things happen to them unwanted in any way can be left with a lot of hurt and pain. Most people describe similar feelings of feeling ashamed/ gross and or replaying the situation over in their mind whether to remember or just that they can’t forget. Most situations such as you have described take time to heal from. I encourage you to find safe people you can talk to about how you are feeling whether it is a professional counselor and or a trusted friend. WEAVE does offer counseling WEAVE is a domestic violence/sexual assault center in Sacramento and we do offer free sexual assault counseling. If you are interested you may go to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm. To answer your question in regards to what constitutes rape whether it was his fingers or his penis both constitute as sexual assault if it was his penis that would be considered rape.
Several years ago, I contacted your office for help, I was told I was too extensive for your help due to funding, it left me devastated, without hope and my depression has got worse. You are the only agency listed to help sexual abuse victims in our area, and I feel like I am hanging by a thread so I am trying again. Here is the short story I was sexually abused from 3 yrs – 16 yrs by my father; a failed marriage resulted in three children. I remarried. My 8 yr old daughter said she was being abused, I called CPS, Police and took to Kaiser, I was told by all 3 agencies she was lying, I was stupid I believed them because I didn’t think the professionals would be wrong. At age 16 she gave birth to my first grandchild. 4 months later i found out it was my husband’s child. My grandson will be 15 years old and I am still paralyzed by the pain and am no longer a productive human being. Can anybody help me rebuild my life? I have anxiety if I have to go outside. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. It sounds like it has been a struggle for you to get support for some time now. Without knowing the details, I cannot speak to the specific reason you were not seen at the counseling center when you first reached out for help. Part of the reason may be that WEAVE only provides 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault and it can be difficult to address years of abuse and increase coping skills within 8 sessions. After the 8 free sessions clients are able to continue with their therapist through private pay. The counseling fees are based upon a sliding scale. If this is something you would be interested in finding more about you are welcome to attend one of our triage sessions. WEAVE provides counseling services both in Midtown and in South Sacramento. The triage hours at WEAVE South (7600 Hospital Drive, Suit I) Mondays 4pm-7pm. Please arrive by 6:15 pm to complete paperwork. The triage house for 1900 K Street are Tuesdays and Thursdays 10a-1pm and Wednesdays 4pm-7pm. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 920-2952.
 So this happened like last summer. I was 13 and my brother was like
15 and I was watching a movie downstairs with him in his room. He told me
that he would hurt me if I didn’t take off my clothes so I took then off and
then he took off his. Then he touched me in my private areas and stuff and he
made me touch his. So he said he would hurt me if I didn’t have sex with him
so I had no choice but to agree with him to do it. He shoved it in me and I
cried because it hurt because I was a virgin but he put a plastic bag on his
area so he wouldn’t get me pregnant. I was wondering if this was rape or
anything because I don’t know what to call it.
 Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us about your situation. I first want to say that I am so sorry that happened to you. What your brother did was not okay and is considered rape. You were forced to do something against your will and threatened with physical harm. I am so sorry that he hurt you. It sounds like it has been almost a year since this happened and it must have been very scary to have that happen especially by your brother. Please know that there are resources available for you if you would like to speak with someone in person or over the phone. WEAVE offers free individual and confidential counseling services. To find out more information or to speak with a counselor over the phone you are more than welcome to call us at our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. Again, I am sorry that this happened, it wasn’t your fault and what he did was rape. You are very strong in reaching out to us and if you would like further help, please know that we are here to help you.

Question I was was wondering if there are any group I could go talk to or any way I may help Raped and Abused woman I was raped a few years ago and I truely am a survivor and would love to help woman that have gone through
this.
That is very generous of you. Your local domestic violence or rape crisis center is likely to have volunteering that would definitely help victims of abuse. Twice a year WEAVE has training for people interested in volunteering. You can access an application by going to our website. Once you submit your application someone will contact you to discuss volunteer opportunities.
 When I was 6 or 7, my brother who was 10 at the time, sexually assaulted me. He made me think it was a game, until I realized how disgusting the acts were. Knowing I would get help, my brother pulled me aside and held a knife close to me. He made me promise not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I kept my mouth shut. He had a similar incident with my 2 friends, who told on him. He lived in a foster home for a few years and I hardly saw him. I feel like I grew up without a brother. And to make it worse, the neighbors told everyone about the incident, so none of my friends were allowed to play with me. My only “friends” were the Child Protective Service ladies who asked me uncomfortable questions. I was given a label for my brother’s selfish act… it has been almost 10 years since then, and I have nightmares about it. I’m starting to feel bitter towards my brother for my unusual childhood, but I know I should be to blame for not telling anyone. I want to talk to my mom, but I feel like she’ll be mad at me for bringing up the past. I need closure. I need something. Am I wrong to still be upset? What should I do? I’m going crazy here…  It sounds like you are having a difficult time right now and it may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. The nightmares and anger that you are experiencing are common for survivors of childhood molest. Talking with a counselor may be a helpful step in working through the past so that you can feel better in the present. It is important to tell yourself that you are not to blame for the violence. You may not believe it right now but it is still important to tell yourself that it was not your fault. Your brother demonstrated to you at a very young age that he was violent and could hurt you and your friends. You are not to blame; it is not your fault. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.

i did not want the intercourse but i felt like if i really did not want it why did i put myself in that situation? Or why fawn over my rapist for days after… i thought i was friends with this guy. Just friends. Even though he called me a “whore” constantly and was always asking to have sex with me which i would always say no to but I’m not a very good person so i feel so guilty for it. And one time we went to his friend’s house to smoke weed (which i was okay with it) but after i was very stoned. And all of a sudden we were naked in some bathroom. I didn’t even remember how i got there but i did not want to be there. I just wanted to hangout and i was very uncomfortable but i didn’t physically object or verbally object. I was just in this dreamlike state. Like i wasn’t even present at that time. This happened three more times. If it was rape why did i keep going back to this guy? Why would i consider a guy who called me “whore” everyday a friend?

So, I’ve been dealing with this for over 15 years. As a teenager, I
was sexually assaulted by a close relative. He was trying to rape me, but I was able to break free. It happened while I was home alone. After the
incident, I have never been the same. I’m in my thirties now, but I still
feel like the 13 year old teen and trying to get over the incident. Family
turned a blind eye. I feel that noone understands me and only gaucks me. I have so much hatred and I don’t know how to forget what had happened. I need help…before I go crazy.
 

Thank you for taking the time to write to us and share what you have been experiencing. You are asking a lot of really good questions. The situation and experiences you described do sound like sexual assault and that you were not in the frame of mind to consent to the sexual act. Sexual assault is a very difficult and often confusing experience and can be even more confusing when the person committing the crime says they are your “friend.” You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. It also sounds like this guy is not only physically and sexually abusive to you but verbally abusive as well. WEAVE offers free sexual assault counseling and if you would like to talk with someone in person or over the phone you are more than welcome to contact us. We have a 24 hour Support and Information Line as well as free triage counseling on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Again, you raise some very good and common questions regarding sexual assault and the challenges it raises when the perpetrator is known to you and is masking the sexual assault behind the veil of “friendship.” Him hurting you, calling you names, and assaulting you is not OK.

It is very normal to have symptoms after having gone through a very traumatic event. Some of the symptoms you have described such as “No one understands”, and “feeling hatred”, or “feeling like the 13yr old trying to get over the incident” are common feelings I have heard from others that have gone through trauma similar to yours. Sometimes working through the trauma with a counselor can help. WEAVE offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE also has a support line for support as well as resources and referrals. It’s available 24/7 and the number is 916-920-2952.

I have been eerated from my sexually abusive husband for almost two years. I never went to the athurties i just left him, my family knows but thats it. He is now bully me about the custidy of our kids. Is there anything i can do now about the abuse.
 
You can report the abuse to Law Enforcement if that is something you want to do. As far as custody with your children goes you can always contact a lawyer to see what your options are. WEAVE has a support line for support as well as resources and referrals. It’s available 24/7 and the number is 916-920-2952. The support line can give you legal resources if that’s what you’re looking for. WEAVE also offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
I am a married women in abusive relationship so try to seek help on the Internet met a guy been speaking to him got years we decided to met to I can make a decision to end my relationship the guy is a professional and middleeastern descent he was very obessed because he thought I was attractive I told when we met no touching of anyway he didn’t listen and he hugged me many time and my hands were pushing him away and i started to cry then he hugged me from the back gourpes my breast and he laughed and started to rub my hips (edited for length and content) he then stated your a
respectful women and i told him what he did was inapporiate he started to apologize and said I want to marry you and serious about with a ring I totally turn off and told him he’s not my type he still texts me and I started to ignore him I relive it all the time and I cry so much
 
I am so sorry. It sounds like you went through a really awful experience. Reliving it and crying are very common symptoms when having gone through something traumatic. I think it is courageous of you to talk about it and I encourage you to continue to do that with people you feel safe with. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support line at 916-920-2952 that you can call for support information and resources. WEAVE also offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
I don’t know if this counts as rape.I met up with a guy I met on the internet and we had been txting. In the txts I said I did not want to have sex as I was a virgin. We meet up and we had oral sex and that was fine. and then he tried several times to (Edited for length and content) have intercourse and he only stopped each time because I cried out in pain. I didn’t say no and he didn’t threaten me and I didn’t really react at all. But I had said I didn’t want sex earlier. I have nightmares about it sometimes I just feel frighted and upset when I do think about it and I can’t watch films with rape scenes. I don’t want to contact the police about it. I just want to know if it was rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault or if I just interpreted it the wrong way. I just want to move on.
 
Sexual assault is ANY type of unwanted sexual contact. Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks”. Forcing or pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do or don’t consent to is sexual assault. Sexual assault is not always saying “no” it’s the absence of “yes” or consent, and just because you say yes to one act doesn’t mean that someone has the right to assume you’re ok with other sexual acts. Whether or not you name it rape it has clearly affected you. Talking about it and not dealing with it alone can really help. WEAVE does offer counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. It is normal to want to “move on” after something has affected you like this but I hope you are patient with yourself because the healing process can take some time and there are usually a lot of up’s and downs in the healing process.

Using the WEAVE 24/7 Support whe having a triggering event. I recently had a trigger event during..get this…during a business meeting in a conference room. I felt like a deer in the headlights…frozen, my mind starting filling up wiht these random memories and powerful feelings of fight or flight….we broke for five minutes and I walked out of the office and into the elevator…I didn’t even push the button…I just stood there with my face in the corner trying not to burst into tears and not hyper ventilate. It’s been four years since I got out. it’ took at least 2 years to finally get out of the depression and start to function normally again…dare I say even happily. So the lingering issue I have is trying to deal with my emotions when the memories or the panic, or that all too familiar fear grab hold of me. Is it ok to call when you’re in the middle of a panic state like that? I am safe and very secure now…it’s just this one side effect that reaches up and grabs me sometimes.

Triggering is normal It is absolutely ok to use the 24 hour Support & Information Line when you are experiencing a triggering event. The advocates who answer the phone understand how scary these times can be and are there to support you. If you are continuing to experience the triggers and they are affecting you regularly, you may want to consider meeting with a WEAVE counselor to develop additional coping skills. The advocates on the Support & Information Line can you information about accessing additional services.
 
Can you refer me to similar groups in the San Francisco Bay Area? There are multiple domestic violence and sexual assault resources in the SF Bay Area. You can find a listing for domestic violence agencies here at the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence website. Sexual assault programs can be found here at the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault website. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get referrals.
Ive been abused from a child into adulthood both sexually and physically I never gotten any help for it or other issues I have had because of these experiences. Now I have an open cps case because of domestic violence from my husband I have to take classes and see you guys but how will I know that what I say to you will not effect me getting my daughter back what if you think im crazy. im scared if im honest that I will never get my daughter back but at same time all my family and friends want me to get help. I want help im scared everyday that I might to something dangerous to my self some days Im ok but others not its a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore but im scared if I ask for help and tell my story it will be used against my I don’t trust anyone never have idk what my question is really im just don’t want to cheat this program if it can actually help me
 
If you feel you may harm yourself, please call the Suicide Hotline at 916.368.3111. It is completely understandable that you would be scared and worried. You deserve to feel safe and to heal. WEAVE helps many women who have experienced abuse and are now involved with CPS. Your concern about sharing is understandable and we want to support your healing. We know you want to be a good mom. The support group can help you to share your story and to know that others have had similar experiences and feeling – you are not alone. Any relationship – past or present – that is abusive is complex and talking with the counselor can help. If you need confidential support– you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for support for the abuse at 916.920.2952. We are mandated reports and the Support Line and Suicide Hotline advocates will be honest with you about anything you share that would have to be reported to CPS during the conversation.
A 13 year old impregnated by her step-father wants to keep the baby. Can you suggest anything that might help her see how difficult this would be for the child, for her and for her mother?  This young girl is clearly dealing with a very difficult situation. We hope this has been reported to the authorities to hold the perpetrator accountable and ensure the girl is receiving appropriate support. At WEAVE, we believe in empowering survivors to make decisions and do not tell survivors what to do. We offer resources to help survivors to make the best choices for their safety, healing and well being. We can offer counseling to address the trauma of rape and link her to additional resources. The first step to accessing services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  WEAVE staff are mandated reporters and will report the rape to the appropriate authorities if this has not already occured. 
When I was a teen my brother repeatedly slipped into my bedroom and performed oral sex on me while I was asleep. After some sessions with a psychologist (much later on) I recalled these activities. It was definitely unwanted sex; he was my brother for gosh sakes. Ironically,we were so close people often thought we were a couple when we would go out in public together. Naturally I confronted him and he denied it. He sluffed it off to “shrinks” getting you to say and think things that didn’t happen. How can I get my brother to admit these acts? (Edited for length and content) Perpetrators often deny their acts, this does not change what happened to you or the damage it caused. It sounds like you are currently seeing a psychologist and we encourage you to continue this counseling as part of your healing. You may also find it useful to speak to a phone counselor for additional support. While WEAVE is unique to Northern CA our friends at RAINN can offer 24/7 national support. You may call 800.656.4673 to speak to a confidential counselor at any time. 
I was 14 and in a bed with a guy (a friend of my friends brother - the guy was 17 or 18) on one side and my friend on the other. The three of us were sharing the bed because couples in the house were having sex after a New Year’s Eve party and we needed a place to sleep. I was falling asleep and I felt this guys leg touch mine, he rolled over and started kissing me. My friend left. I don’t remember how but later I was naked and he kept kissing me. He kissed my chest and I told him not to and I didn’t like it. I was confused and scared. I liked him but didn’t know if I was ready for sex. He
grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. I tried to pull my hand away and he wouldn’t let go. He then shoved his fingers in my vagina. I felt like the room was spinning and didn’t know what was happening. This happened many years ago. My counselor thinks it was date rape. What happened still scares me but I can’t believe it was rape. Does this fit the definition of rape?  I feel like what happened is my fault. I don’t know if I undressed myself or if he undressed me. I couldn’t make a clear decision in my head about how far I wanted to go. I said no to him kissing my chest and that it made me feel gross and he said that was normal for a guy to do that and kept kissing me. Him making me touch him and putting his fingers in me made me want to be sick. I couldn’t get my hand back from him. It was like my brain was not taking in what was happening. I’m just really confused. I wanted to kiss him. Earlier in the night I had thought about maybe having sex with him but never told him. I was ok kissing him but hadn’t figured out if I wanted to have sex – I was a virgin. When he started kissing my chest things changed. Even though I was still confused about whether or not I wanted to have sex, I said no to what he was doing. But maybe I wasn’t clear enough. I didn’t leave. I tried to pull my hand away and he wouldn’t let me. 
What happened to you was sexual assault and it was not your fault.  It does not matter what you felt or said earlier in the evening.  When you told him to stop he should have stopped. You did not cause what happened and are not to blame for it.  Continue to work with your counselor to understand the emotions this has caused and to understand that you are not to blame.  If you need additional support, you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 for additional support.
If a rape kit comes out negative 3 days later after said rape can this person press charges on the person that supposedly raped her?  In a case where sexual assault is suspected law enforcement determines if there is sufficient evidence to forward a case for consideration to the District Attorney’s Office. The District Attorney will then determine whether or not they will prosecute. 
This is very embarssing to say, I dont know if i was sexually assaulted. me and him had sex a few times but this night i said NO and pushed him away forcely, the twist to the story is he did not put it all the way in so i am confused.  I didn’t know if i should be mad at him or what? I felt like what he did was wrong but he wassnt agressive like rapeds that are seen on t.v. he didnt hit me or yell at me. im just confused. It takes a lot of courage to talk about a sexual assault and I want to commend you for being brave enough to ask for help. Sexual assault is not only rape or forced intercourse; it is any unwanted sexual act. Anytime you say no to a sex act, and your partner continues, that is sexual assault. In a healthy relationship anytime you say no to a sexual act your partner should respect your wishes, regardless of whether or not you consented before. It is also important to remember that everyone experiences sexual assault under different circumstances and violence is not always a factor. It is normal to feel confused, upset or angry about what happened. It is also important to remember that what happened isn’t your fault and you do not have to face this alone. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about the situation and how it made you feel. This can help you to process the emotions you are experiencing, understand the situation, and decide how to best move forward. You can reach a counselor on WEAVE’s confidential 24 hour support and information line anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You may also choose to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.

When I was about 9 years old and my older brother, 13, were once in the living room by ourselves watching tv with our parents in the bedroom. All of a sudden, he told me to drop my pants, get on my knees and turn around. I didn’t do it. I didn’t understand, and just told him no. Then a few seconds passed and I suddenly felt weight on top of me. I started struggling and he got off of me. When he got off, I felt like a bad person. We have other siblings and when they had kids, I would be so afraid. I still am afraid to this day when he’s with my niece or nephew alone. I wonder if he has tried to do to them what he did to me. We are both adults now, and I still don’t trust him. I feel bad because that was the only time he ever tried such a thing. I feel like we were children and he didn’t know any better but he does now and won’t do that. Is there any chance he could sexually assault any child now or am I just over reacting to a past experience?
 

You experienced a traumatic event and were hurt by someone you trusted.  It is normal that this experience still bothers you today.  While it’s impossible to know if he has attempted to assault others, his behavior was wrong and you are right to be concerned.  You may feel better if you are able to talk about your own experience and your fears with an advocate.  You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at any time to speak with a trained advocate who can support you.  The number is 916.920.2952.
How do you get into counseling for sexual abuse? How many times do you meet with a counselor?And what are the services offered?

 
The first step to accessing counseling services is to attend a walk-in triage session with a counselor. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Sexual assault survivors receive eight sessions of free counseling with additional sessions available via victim witness or private pay (sliding scale).

I was raped a year ago, today marks the day. how do I cure my pain? Being raped resulted into me having a baby.
 

Recovering from sexual assault takes time.  It is completely normal to experience more pain when dates or situations remind us of the rape – like what you are experiencing on the one year anniversary of your assault.  This is called triggering.  WEAVE can provide you with support including counseling.  You can take the first step by attending an in person triage appointment.  Our triage services are offered at our Midtown location (1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811) on Tuesdays from 10 am – 1 pm, Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm or at our WEAVE South location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823) on Mondays from 4 pm – 7 pm.  In the meantime, please use our 24 hour Support & Information Line if you need to talk with an advocate for support.  The number is 916.920.2952.

Several teenage girls report to a responsible teenage boy (separately) that they gave in to a teenage boy’s sexual demands and feel raped; one has eating disorder before incident and hospitalized for eating disorder after. No complaints files. Teenage boy says, seek help i.e. talk to parents, (no), talk to counselor (didn’t do anything), talk to psychologist (no money). Any suggestions?  Fellow peers want to harm the guy (edited for content). Help please…I’m not typically in this kind of situation and am contacting you as a result of talking to my own parents. A sexual assault can be a very traumatic event, and each survivor will experience the effects of trauma differently. It is understandable that you and your fellow peers are angry, but it is important to help your friends through this trauma without further violence. It is important to understand consent in terms of sexual acts. In California, by state law anyone under age 18 cannot consent to any sexual act. If you are pressured or coerced into participating in a sexual act that does not mean you consented to it. Supporting a friend who has been sexually assaulted can be very challenging and you are on the right track by reach out for help and suggestions. There are many resources for survivors of sexual assault and for the loved ones who support them. WEAVE offers no cost counseling services (group and individual) as well as free legal assistance to survivors of sexual assault. Your friends may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about their experience and begin the healing process. They may speak to a counselor on the phone, by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 or they may speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
I was recently sexually assaulted by my boyfriends best friend. I had taken codine cough medicine due to being sick… I was asleep in our bedroom and my boyfriend and his friend were hanging out in the living room drinking beers.  My boyfriend passed out on the couch and his best friend came
into our bedroom and began to do things my boyfriend would do before if he had came to bed, I was half asleep and realized it wasn’t my boyfriend
because his friend had hair on his back and my boyfriend does not. I freaked out woke up my boyfriend and the best friend ran. I feel absolutely disgusted and can’t even begin to explain what this has done to me mentally. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life and my boyfriend too. My boyfriend has known him since diapers and we trusted himcompletely. I pressed charges and did everything legally & medically that one does for a sexual assault. This is not something that happens everyday and it has really taken a toll on my boyfriend and I psychologically. Its been hard to go to bed at night in our room, go about our days normally, be sexual, and
sleep at night. What are some things we can do to help us get through this?
How do you come to realization?
 
Survivors of sexual assault, and their loved ones, often need support and resources in order to heal. As with any traumatic event the emotional scars can be worse than the physical and everyone will recover in a different way and at a different pace. It is important for you both to know that neither of you is responsible for what happened. The assault was not your fault and you do not have to face this alone. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors and their significant others to help you both find ways to heal on your own and together as a couple. In order to get started you may attend a free triage session, where you will individually sit down with a counselor for an assessment. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. You may also wish to speak with a counselor over the phone by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
My husband raped me 2 years ago. When it happened I was in total shock because my husband was drunk and high (off weed) and was acting in a way that was completely opposite his behavior. Afterward, I experienced confusion, anger, and disbelief. He was under the influence, so I wasn’t sure if he actually remembered what he did. I confronted him the next morning and he said it didn’t happen. The minute he said that, I believed that he remembered what he did; but was in denial. I didn’t bring it up again; but buried everything that I was feeling. I guess I wasn’t ready to deal with it. Fast forward to a few months ago. I now have a 1 year old daughter and i start to have flashbacks. When this starts happening, I accept that my husband raped me and start thinking “I need to heal from this”. I confornted my husband and he said that he doesn’t remember doing that. He is so shocked, he starts talking about killing himself. Then he says that he wants to really work on our marriage; but if I choose to leave he would understand and would not fight me on it. I’m conflicted right now. We have been married a total of 10 years w/two kids and I still love him, even after the rape. I don’t want to break up our family by divorcing him; but at the same time I’m not sure that we can work on our marriage. The sex alone would not happen now as I can’t even stand for him to touch me at all. Sex is dirty to me now and I don’t enjoy it at all. Men need to have sex and that is one thing that I cannot provide. Also, I still don’t know how to heal from this. What do I do? Please help me. Healthy relationships are built on trust, and once that trust is violated it can be difficult rebuild. Intoxication is never an excuse for hurting a loved one. The feelings you are experiencing are normal and part of what is called Rape Trauma Syndrome. As we heal we face many obstacles but it is important to know you do not have to face them alone. Reaching out for help is a very brave step and there are resources to help you overcome this trauma. It is important to focus on healing on your own, and coping with the assault in healthy ways, before you can move forward in your marriage. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either on the phone or in person, for support. WEAVE’s phone counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also attend a free triage session and speak face to face with one of our counselors. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
Hello. This will be a difficult question and I need your full cooperation. First of all. This morning my close friend who is a girl, the age of 16 and Pakistani was touched inapporiately by her father. She’s confided in me and I’m trying my best to help her out in every way I can. The thing is in Pakistani culture girls are usually demeaned and belittled. I begged her to file a police report but she won’t budge because she’s worried about her family’s reputation. Worst of all if she tells her other and they confront her father they might just see it as a misunderstanding and they’ll just send her back to Pakistan and get her married to silence her forever. Idk what to do. If she does contact the NYPD and they arrest her father than her mother just might turn against her and send her to Pakistan. Are there any organizations with controlled settings that can make it easier for her? And she’s only 16 and Pakistani. This is in New York City. Please respond asap. I need your help. First, I want to thank you for believing your friend and supporting her through this trauma. It sounds like your friend is facing a very difficult situation with her family and she may benefit from speaking to a counselor to discover the options and resources she has. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Region, our friends at RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are available to her 24 hours a day. She may call their confidential hotline at 800.656.4673. You may also call to learn ways to support your friend while taking care of yourself. 
ok i have gone to the police on this one my uncle sexually screwed me from the age of 4 to 11 and he totally sexuallay terroized my poor cuzs from 3 up help Survivors recovering from trauma can face many obstacles as they heal. Contacting law enforcement is an important first step in protecting yourself as well as other family members who may be affected by abuse. You may also find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either on the phone or in person, to process the complex emotions you are facing. If you are in the greater Sacramento region you may call WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line for resources at 916.319.4907. If you are outside of this region our friends at RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) may be able to assist you in locating services closer to you. You may reach RAINN by calling 800.656.4673
Hi, I am sixteen, I live in Ireland, and I have reported my father for sexual assault a couple of months go. I haven’t seen him since last January, and I thankfully never ever will again. The only thing is is that my half-brother and stepsister who I really love and miss so much live with my father, and I haven’t seen them since January also. Since I will never talk to my father again, I can’t see my siblings, but I was wondering if there were any way possible for me to get custody, or a time for me to spend with them every week, once they still want to see me.  First, I would like to commend you for your bravery in coming forward and reporting the abuse. There is no excuse for the trauma you have endured. While WEAVE is located in the U.S. you do have options and resources available to you in Ireland that may be able to answer your legal questions as well as offer counseling services. Please know that you are not alone and support is available. The Rape Crisis Network of Ireland has a 24 Hour Help Line which can be reached by calling 1800 77 88 88 or you may visit them online at http://www.rcni.ie/find-help.aspx
I can recall some flashbacks of a teacher’s assistant being too nice to me, or me falling in love with him. (Edited for length and content) I am a female and this probably happened when I was in kindergarten-2nd grade. I can’t get myself to associate any of these flashbacks to my school life in elementary. Also is this seen a lot or rarely? Memories of trauma or abuse can often burden a survivor, especially if the memories are vague or unclear. You may have experienced a sexual assault and it may be helpful for you to speak to a counselor about the flashbacks you are having. You may access WEAVE’s counseling services by stopping by one of two locations during specific triage hours. Triage is a free assessment with a counselor in person. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Additional resources can also be found by contacting a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952

i love my girlfriend of 6 months.  I want to grow our relationship into marriage.  I’m concerned about her past, and how she handles conflict resolution. I can not cure her, but support her. I love this beautiful woman and want us to both be healthy now and in our future. She gets very aggressive towards me “just get over it she says”. It seems she gets aggressive, so not to show her vulnerability. the first 2-3 months when drinking she would say, dont judge me, dont leave me, I dont fit in your family or your life”. She has learned to trust me and she openly says she Loves me. A huge step as she has only said this and felt thid towards 2 others in her life. she is in her 40s is a successful mom, career, and loves people/life! I understand she did not have parental support as a child and was put into sexual abusive situation by her parents. Never told she was loved.  She even said I found molesters cared more about me than my parents. She understands they preyed and groomed her because her parents would not protect her. (Edited for length and content) I know she has been in many bad relationships physical and dangerous sexual relationships. When she drinks to much she gets overly friendly with other men.  I come from a failed marriage that my ex-wife cheated on me, its something I can not do again. She agreed to control her urges/boundries when drinking. She was horribly molested/raped as a child. She openly talks about it with me, and even jokes about it. She has done counseling but I am afraid she needs more help? (Edited for length and content) I believe in counseling and have had great success for myself. This woman I am dating believes in it also. My question is how do I support her? What do I do with the horrible molestation stories she shares? (She lived it but its all new to me it rips me apart sometimes.) Is there a support group for partners of children who have been molested?  I know we need to discuss our future and lay our cards on the table.  Is there resources I can suggest if she wants more help for herself?

It is often difficult for family and loved ones to support a survivor of sexual abuse. The memories and feeling associated with the abuse can last a lifetime and survivors require a solid support system and healthy coping skills to heal. Learning how you can support your girlfriend is an important step towards a healthier relationship. Healthy relationships consist of mutual respect and both partners working together. If counseling has worked to help her cope with this trauma in the past she may benefit from seeing a counselor again or you may both benefit from talking to someone outside of the relationship. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn how to support your girlfriend you can call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or come to one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite “I”) on Mondays between 4:00 p.m and 7:00 p.m.
 I was molested from when I was 7 to 11. I waited to long to tell because I live in a christian household and thought I would go to hell. Now that I am 16 I am a lesbian. Why is it that I’m gay because of what happend to me. Why would somebody do that. Its not right I’m not normal and my parents don’t accept me I don’t understand.   Often survivors of sexual assault who are youth do not feel safe in telling adults in their lives that they have been sexually abused. The feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment stay with a survivors many years after the abuse stops. To speak with someone about the sexual abuse you experienced and to start the healing process by talking to a counselor at WEAVE’s 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. The questions you have about being a lesbian and how that relates to your abuse is another topic that you can gain additional support from knowledgeable counselors. One local agency you might consider speaking to is the Sacramento Gay and Lesbian Community Center, and their phone number is 916.442.0185.
For a long period of time, I have been haunted by flashes of early childhood memories of abuse. I have been afraid of asking questions of my family members for fear of being rejected or blamed for what I seem to remember.   First, the message board site is secure and all questions are posted completely anonymously. The memories and feelings of being abused last a lifetime for survivors. When survivors choose to talk about their memories and feelings with others it is an opportunity to continue the healing from the abuse. Family members of a survivor are often not comfortable with the topic, and are not prepared to respond with support and understanding. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn how to approach your family with your questions you can call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
I should have never lied down on that bed with my dad. I was tired.  It was the first night we got to our new places we just rented. I wanted to stay the night with my mom who was there already there at the place she set up for her and dad. My mom was in the bed too, my body hurt and she told me to lay on the floor for the night. I was crying from all the stress and discomfort. I curled up in between the two of them in bed with my back facing him. I remember awaking, he had touched me and it was with his penis. He had his penis on my back. I know what a penis feels like; from previous boyfriends and he rubbed it against my lower back.  I rolled over to feel nothing and immediatly escaped into sleep.  Now, a month later, I have a red welt where and EXACTLY where he did/had rubbed up against me.  Does this mean I could have herpes, warts, an std? I just wanted to forget about it but now I am not so sure I have an std. I don’t want to press charges. I just want
to have it tested, but I am just scared. I forgot about it, when it happened,
but what a bad reminder when I saw the sore… He pays for everything. I
cannot let my mom know about this or I will get kicked out on the street. Can
I go get tested without anyone knowing or pressing charges for the incident? 
The emotions you are feeling are normal, and only your dad is responsible for what happened. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you at our 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Including seeing your primary medical provider, there are other low cost agencies that we can refer you to on the 24Hour Support and Information Line. Remember you did not cause the assault, and you are not to blame for what happened to you.

when i was 13 5 guys broke into my house and forced me to have sex with them. i had called the police right away and they had done a rape it and made me do multiple reports it has been 4 years now and i haven’t heard anything about this and i either want some kind of justice or atleast want all the stuff that csi took from my room is there any way weave can help me get all this stuff back and recieve couciling because the last year i’ve had horrible nightmares and my boyfriend says i wake up screaming now i know that most of the time the police never give anyhitng back but it has been 4 years and the detective hasnt calle me or anything and these guys live in my nieghorhood and i gave them descriptions and i even found there names and told the cops and they have donenothing.is there anything i can do i know my nightmares will never go away fully i now am trying to use dream catches which work every once and a while but idk what i should do?

For all evidence held in which a person has been arrested/cited, law enforcement must receive a District Attorney confirmation that the case is closed on all defendants. In some cases, the District Attorney may not release items immediately, pending further investigation or appeals. Law enforcement also must receive a detective release on all assigned cases. So, depending on the status of your case the DA’s Office may not have notified law enforcement to released your items. You might want to follow up with the DA’s Office to learn the status of your case. The healing process from a sexual assault may be life-long. WEAVE offers in-person counseling for survivors of sexual assault, and counseling for significant others (counseling for your boyfriend so he can express his feelings, and learn how to support you). To start the process either call WEAVE’s 24- hour Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, or come to one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite “I”) on Mondays between 4:00 p.m and 7:00 p.m.
Yesterday, I received my first professional massage from a licensed male masseur at a local business. I am a gay male, and the masseur happened to also be a gay male. (Post edited for length and content) The massage business sent me a survey this morning, and I gave them my honest opinion, and said that I felt sexually assaulted. It’s been on my mind all day, and I am feeling a lot of guilt, sadness, and don’t know what I should do now. I feel a strong urge to tell my Boyfriend, but I am afraid he will demand that I report the incident to the police, and I am not sure if I want to do that or not. One of my friends told me that I should file a police report, send a letter to the better business bureau, and hire an attorney. My head is spinning now, and all I really want to do is forget this ever happened. I feel angry about it, and unsure of whether this was indeed a sexual assault, or if I am partial to blame? I could really use some advice right now. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity and what happened to you is not your fault. Regardless of the conversation or your physical reactions, a professional massage therapist should never engage in sexual touching as part of a legitimate massage. You were in a situation where you were vulnerable and the massage therapist took advantage of this and violated professional responsibilities. His actions were wrong and his efforts to shift responsibility to you are unacceptable. The emotions you are feeling are normal. It is good that you have supportive friends you can talk with. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you if you wish to talk with a therapist. You can call our Business Line at 916.448.2321 to schedule an intake appointment. If you find you need support sooner, our 24 hour Support & Information Line is always a resource – 916.920.2952. In regards to filing a police report, you clearly have mixed feelings about the matter which are understandable and choosing not to report does not make the assault any less real – WEAVE is here to support you regardless of your choice to report. You may also want to consider reporting his conduct to the state licensing board and to his employer. It is likely this individual has assaulted other clients or will in the future. Please remember you did not cause the assault and you are not to blame for what happened to you.
My family has this tradition that all of the women get married before they turn 19 years old. At my brother’s wedding when i was 16 years old my brother’s best friend almost raped me. While my parents wanted the tradition to continue through me they knew i wouldn’t follow the tradition and when i was told about the tradition when i was 13 my brothers and i were appalled. My father offered my brother’s best friend a large sum of cash to have sex with me so that for propriety i would have to marry him. I had a never ending supply of soda and it wasnt until he took me to his hotel room and how relaxed i felt that i realized what was going on. I started screaming and my brothers and brothers-in-law came running and beat the guy until he was unconcious, but by the time they had gotten into the room he had ripped my clothes off and hit me several times to try and get me to be quiet. My parents wouldnt let me call the cops and when i talked to the people at school they lied to them and said it was just my imagination because i had been with them the entire duration of my brother’s wedding reception. That was almost four years ago. I told my best friend who is a guy about it last night because he can’t figure out why i don’t date. I trusted him so i told him what happened and he told me that he didn’t believe me because he was sick and tired of teen girls going to him with sob stories of parental abuse and attempted rape and that if i was serious about it to lift my skirt and prove it. I started crying and he dumped me off on the side of the road in the middle of town and hasn’t talked to me since. I tried to talk to my female best friend about it and all she does is apologize for everything. She knew about the attempted rape and her parents took me in after the fact and helped me get therapy and everything. I’m 19 almost 20 years old now and my best friend who i also thought I was in love with wont even talk to me anymore and i don’t know what to do.  I am sorry to hear about the assault that occurred at the wedding. What is also disappointing and upsetting is the response of both your parents and the male friend that you trusted. Instead of believing you, and supporting you through the healing process, it sounds like those around you were not willing to focus on your needs. Sadly, survivors of sexual assaults often not only deal with the trauma from the assault, but also deal with loved-one’s responses to an assault. As you reached out to others, it seems that they did not have the insight to support you as you needed. Fortunately resources are available to assist you in a nonjudgmental, supportive, and caring way. WEAVE has trained counselors that may be able to provide the services you are still seeking. To learn more about our sexual assault counseling services please contact the Support and information Line at916.920.2952.

A night of drinking with some friends (all under 21) got the attention of the guys next door (all over 21). I don’t know about the other girls’ details but 2 of them asked me for sex and when I said no, they continued to encourage until I gave in. I was extremely intoxicated. I felt horrible after that night and always blamed myself for several reasons; drinking under age, allowing them into the apartment, not standing my ground,
flirting, etc. I carried this for many years (10+). Now, 14 years later, I’m finally able to see it like it was, RAPE! Has time run out on these guys? Is there anything I can do?

Recognizing that what happened to you was rape is an important step in moving past the blame and shame you have carried.  You may find that talking with a counselor is beneficial, as well.  If you live in the Sacramento region, WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling – to learn more call the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live elsewhere, the Support Line advocate can provide you with referrals.  In regards to the statute of limitations for prosecuting the crime – it will depend on where you live.  Contacting the District Attorney’s Office is a first step to learning if filing charges is still an option.

i fingered my sister she said she forgives me but i still feel like a failure and a evil person. I somtimes have sucidial thouhts about because it is so bad. What should i do?   Taking responsibility for sexual assaulting another person is a big step. The next step that could be helpful to you is talking to a professional about your actions and learning how not to repeat them. Having feelings of remorse and shame reflect that you know your actions were harmful to your sister, but if those feeling cause you to think about harming yourself, then speaking to a counselor at Suicide Prevention Crisis Line at 916.368.3111 is a great option. WEAVE’s counselors can also provide both you and your sister resources at WEAVE’s Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.
 I was sexually abused from age 10 to 14 by my aunts boyfriend who was suppose to be my father figure. He did everything to me I can imagine.  I’m 19 now and havnt seen him sense I was 14. I just recently told my aunt.  He has also hurt my family with domestic violence. My aunt and I really want to press charges, is there still a possible way to? It keeps me up at nights, I keep thinking of ways of how I could’ve stopped him. My aunt has assured me
over and over again it’s not my fault. But I can seem to help think that.  
Your aunt is correct, the only person that is responsible for the sexual abuse that happened is only your aunt’s boyfriend. Though you might blame yourself, feel guilty, and even responsible, it was the choice our your aunt’s boyfriend to be abusive. Continuing to talk with others about your experiences is a good way to continue the healing process. Exploring the option of reporting the assaults to law enforcement and learning more about the process of criminal charges being pressed against him can help you decide your next step. You can contact the District Attorney’s Office, or your local law enforcement to learn more. You may also choose to contact WEAVE’s 24 Support and Information Line for additional information, support, and details about our services at 916.920.2952. 
I would like to donate/drop off clothing to a local office. I live in zip code 95765; please advise where I can do so, and obtain a receipt for my
donation of womens clothing. Thank you. 
WEAVE accepts donations of clothing and small housewares at our WEAVE Thrift Arden thrift store at 2401 Arden Way. Donation hours are Sunday: Noon to 3 pm
Monday – Saturday: 10 am to 3 pm. All donors receive a receipt which meets IRS requirements for claiming a deductible donation at the time of the donation.

Do I have the right to file charges since the last incident was so long ago? And if it’s not too late to file charges, how easy and/or difficult would it be to find him guilty?  My ex-husband has raped me multiple times and said he raped others. He used to rape me almost on a nightly basis after we divorced, but got back together and were a live-in couple and I believe I may have been drugged during these incidents. (edited for length and content).  We finally called it quits in 2005; however, the last incident was in 2011. I didn’t call the police or file charges because I’m afraid of him and he knew where I lived. I recently moved and would like to know now if I have the right to file charges.

Most crimes have a statute of limitations. To find out the statute for the crimes you are considering reporting to law enforcement, it would be best to speak to the local law enforcement agency that would have had jurisdiction (based on where you were living when the assaults occurred) or the District Attorney’s Office who would prosecute your case. The District Attorney’s Office has victim advocates that can explain the process, and be a supportive of you if you decide to through the process. You may also qualify for a Temporary Restraining Order which would forbid him from contacting you and offer you legal options if he continues to stalk and harass you.  WEAVE offers both telephone, and in-person counseling to assist you in the healing process. We will support you with the decision you make that is best for you, and provide tools for your healing from the assaults. To find out more about WEAVE services, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I was sexually assaulted a year ago. When it happened I did not have insurance and went to a local hospital and from there I was referred to a different hospital to do a rape kit and other tests. It was there that I received pamphlets about WEAVE and what you guys stand for. I did not and currently still do not have insurance. The first hospital I went to sent me a bill home for a large amount of money that I can not afford to pay. I googled online and saw that I can petition with the State of California victims assistance program and they declined my application, saying that I was uncooperative with law enforcement. (I was not uncooperative, I gave them a full statement and made a report. I just did not want to press charges at this time.) I have now been sent to debt collections. Is there any financial assistance other than the State that can help me?

You may still be eligible for Victim Witness assistance.  As with any violent crime, the decision to prosecute is not the victim’s but rather the District Attorney’s Office and you indicate you provided a statement to law enforcement.  We recommend recontacting a Victim Witness advocate locally and appealing the denied claim.  Please know this can be a lengthy process.  If you would like additional support and options, please contact our 24-Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My fiance was sexually assaulted by a woman (my fiance’s male) and he tried speaking out. he was pretty much told that he’s lying and to shut up. he’s having a hard time dealing with this, and i’m looking for someplace he can get help. are men welcome at weave if they’ve been assaulted themselves?

Overcoming the impact of sexual assault is difficult for all survivors.  As your fiance knows, male victims face distinct challenges.  Many are not believed and do not receive the support they deserve and need.  WEAVE knows that sexual assault can happen to anyone.  Your fiance can access counseling at WEAVE in a respectful environment that meets his needs.  To start counseling, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 or attend a walk in Triage appointment at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m.  Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.

My friend told me that my husband has been raping me.  I know what rape is, and he doesn’t get angry if I agree to what he wants. So I do. Two weeks ago i told him that I didn’t want to, but he wasn’t very happy, so I dont tell him that anymore. Please tell her that he not rapeing me Sexual assault occurs whenever one person engages in sex with another person, when the other person does not want to. Sexual assaults can be from stranger, family members, acquaintance, dates, and partners. The perpetrator doesn’t need a weapon to meet the legal definition of sexual assault. When one person indicates they do not want to engage in a sex act (the person doesn’t even need to say the word “no”), the other person must not try to coerce, threaten, or force some do do something they do not want to do. To learn more about both the legal definition of sexual assault, and about services WEAVE offers, contact WEAVE’s Support Line at 916.920.2952.

When I has 5 I was sexually assulted by my grandmas boyfriend. I didnt tell anyone until I was 9, but when someone came to my house to question me I told them that he never touched anything but he tried to. I dont know why I lied, I was young. Now I am almost 16 years old and I think about what happened to me all the time.  What should I do? I really hate this man for what he has done to me, is there anything I can do to make him pay for what he has done to me? Also this subject is really tabboo in my house, we havent talked about it since it happened. Im nervous to bring it up.

The memories and feelings of being sexually assaulted last a lifetime for survivors. When survivors choose to talk about their memories and feelings with others it is an opportunity to continue the healing from the abuse. Often friends and family members of a survivor are not comfortable with the topic, and are not prepared to respond with support and understanding. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and the survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn what legal options you have please call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

Do you do some kind of support group for rape victims? If so where is it? I live in sac county

WEAVE offers counseling for survivors of sexual assault and we can also provide referrals to other counseling options in Sacramento County. To learn more, please contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 for more information.

Hi, I’m a 19 year old male, and I’ve recently had a discussion with my father. He revealed to me, that my grandfather, who I trusted completely, is a child molester. My father was sexually abused when he was a child. After about 6 months of knowing this information, I’ve been obsessing about it, and I’m not sure, but I think my grandfather may have fondled me when I was young. I don’t have any SPECIFIC memories, but I just have this feeling that he may have touched me, or made me touch him. How do I know if this is true? I don’t want to confront my grandfather, because I’m not sure it happened, and he doesn’t know that I know he’s an abuser.

It was very brave of your father to disclose to you what many sexual assault survivors keep secret. By your father talking with you about his experience, it allowed you to think about your experiences with your grandfather. Sometimes survivors of sexual abuse recall the abuse only after many years have passed, and even then memories may seem “fuzzy” when recalled. Before speaking to your grandfather you might consider speaking to a counselor about you the feelings and concerns that you have about your grandfather’s actions towards your father, and possibly you too.  WEAVE has a 24 hour Support & Information Line you can call if you need support and to get information about counseling.  916.920.2952.

I was recently told by a District Attorney that my case is not “clear enough” to prosecute . . . He says he believes me, but I feel like he thinks I’m lying. I was seen at a hospital and did report to the police within hours. I feel like the system is siding with a rapist, while I have to sit here and feel like I must have “asked for it.”!!!

Always remember the assault was not your fault. Even if the DA’s office opts to not prosecute, it does not mean they do not believe you. Law enforcement & the DA’s Office work towards a common goal to hold perpetrators responsible and for the survivor receive justice. The standards to prosecute are specific and not always consistent with what feels fair. We know survivors may feel re-victimized by the legal system. You can not control the legal process, but you can control how you respond. WEAVE has trained counselors to help with the “emotional roller-coaster” you are experiencing and can help you express the justifiable anger you are feeling. You can take the first step by calling our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Is it normal if your parents walk around naked knowing you’re uncomfortable with it? [Explicit content.] So i just want to know if this is wrong or not, because i feel like it is and i have depression/ see i psychiatrist but i can’t get up the nerve to tell him about it.

Anything of a sexual nature that is not consensual is not acceptable, no matter your age when this behavior occurred. Because you were a child and the offenders were your parents would make it even more confusing for you, I’m sure. It is important to remember that you are not at fault for any of this abusive behavior. You may contact our 24 hour Support Line at (916) 920-2952 for information and support regarding sexual assault services or the National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1-800-799-7233 to access a counselor for information and support. They can also provide information regarding agencies in your area that can provide counseling related to this issue.

A man raped my baby sister… [explicit content]. She says she’s fine and she refuses to press charges. She says she just wants to forget about it and move on and even if she did press charges the chances of a conviction would be slim. She doesn’t want to go through a trial… What do I do? I can’t talk to anyone about this, and I’ve tried to deal with the anger but it just won’t go away. What course of action should I take? It sounds like you are in a lot of pain right now. Your feelings are understandable and very normal. Rape is a traumatic experience and there is no single “right” way to respond to it. It is okay to be angry and to have strong feelings about what happened to your sister. It might be beneficial for you to speak with someone. Please consider calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952. It is completely confidential and trained advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to listen, provide support and also can also provide you with various services and referrals. WEAVE provides free short-term counseling to family members of victims of assault. You can come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, and additional resources.
I was Gang Raped when I was 13 years old and never told anyone because one of the Men was a neighbor of my best friend whom lived 5 houses from mine. They threatened to hurt my family and kill me for telling what they did . I never spoke out until recently on my second marriage to a sweet , kind and soft man. I was wondering if I could get help through weave even though it was almost 20 years ago? My parents still live around the neighborhood where I was Raped and the man whom lived buy us and kind of was the leader I say this because it was his house and he lured me over promising my best friend was at his house. When he saw me as I got older he would make it a point to wave or try and get my attention. I have been through a horrible marriage where I was beaten and Assaulted Sexually and verbally for over 7 years. I deal with panic attacks and have triggers that are horrible. I hide in my closet when someone whom is male and Black comes to my door. This has gone on for years and I need help. I have attempted suicide by pills many times over the last 20years recently about 3 years ago and spent time in a Hospital. I actually have tried other times more recent but woke up ashamed it failed or even that I tried. I have been seeing a Psyciatrist but the amount of pills I take is unreal can someone help I feel I need to talk to another Woman my Husband tries to help but I find it hard to tell him everything. Please help and tell me if Weave can help. Thank you for reaching out. You are not alone. It is great that you are able to identify that you are in of additional support right now. It is never too late to begin the healing process! WEAVE offers a variety of supportive services from individual counseling to support groups at no cost to sliding scale. In order to receive further support and resources, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained advocates are available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week and can provide you with emotional support, information about WEAVE programs and referrals. We know the support and information line can get busy during certain times of day. If possible, call after 4:00 PM and please be patient with us. You may also come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, and additional resources.
I am a victim of rape, and I was being seen at a sacramento location, and was wondering if there was a way to find out the name of my counselor, because she was moved to another state, yet, she is the one who helped me the most. I am having a very hard time right now, and could really use someone to talk with. Can anyone help me out? I am coming up on a hard part of the year, and do not believe I can get through this without being able to tell all too. It is wonderful that you are aware and able to identify that you are in of additional support right now. Surviving and healing from an assault is a process. If your previous counselor moved away, it might be helpful to try seeing someone new. Please consider calling WEAVE’s business line at 916.448.2321 to reconnect with services.
I am concerned about my friend. She told me a horrible story about drinking and meeting a group of young men that raped her and then took her stuff. She did blackout that night. I think she is in denial about what happened to her she says she is very angry but she doesn’t know where to put her anger. She has started isolating herself and I found her recently alone at a bar very drunk. Since she is in denial she doesn’t think going to weave or talking to anybody will help. I don’t know what I can do for her right now. Any suggestions please. Thank you. Rape is a very traumatic experience and there is no single “right” way to respond. It sounds like your friend isn’t quite sure how to deal with the feelings she is having right now and that can be very frustrating to watch. Support is available to her, and you as well. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952 anytime to receive support and learn more about services WEAVE offers. While it may be frustrating for you and those around her, your friend must be make the decision on her own to start dealing with the assault. It is important she knows there are people around her who care about her and support her no matter what. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line is also available to you as a concerned friend.
my granddaughter is four years old she talks about sex all day. shes afraid of the police cause daddy went to jail for hitting mommy. its so much more to tell what this only four year old child is going thru mom said she feel sorry for him and plans to go back with abusive man who is doing something to her daughter thats not his the younger one is she talk sexual but dont display sexual activities like her sister It sounds like you are in a very challenging situation. Any concerns or suspicions of childhood sexual abuse should be reported to the 24 Hour Child Abuse Hotline: (916) 875-5437 (875-KIDS). You can also call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to receive support.
I AM A 25 YEARS OLD FEMALE, AND I WAS RAPED WHEN I WAS 13. I HAD BEEN REALLY SCARED TO SPEAK UP AND TELL ANYONE. I RECENTLY TOLD MY HUSBAND AND WE WANT TO AT LEAST REGISTER THIS PERSON AS A SEX OFFENDER, OR DO AS MUCH AS WE CAN TO HAVE HIM PAY THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS HORRIBLE ACTION. HOW DO WE DO THIS? IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO SINCE ITS BEEN MORE THAN 10 YEARS? PLEASE HELP Thank you for reaching out. You can contact law enforcement and they will let you know if you can still make a report. It is wonderful that you are seeking support. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of sexual assault. You can learn more about WEAVE services, support groups and options by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. You may come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I don’t know what to do! I was pushed up against my car by a guy in old Roseville and was touched places I didn’t want to be touched. And now everytime I close my eyes I relive it. I can’t seem to forget but it. And I’ve been really depressed. What do I do? What you are feeling is normal. You are not alone and WEAVE is here for you. Please consider calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. A trained advocate can provide emotional support as well as connect you with WEAVE services and resources, if you are interested. They are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
It’s been years since… It happened and it’s destroying my life. I never told anyone and I’m laying here next to my snoring Gf at 3 am shaking. I can’t work I have panic attacks. Where do I go for help, it’s got to get better Thank you for reaching out. That is the first step! You are not alone. We are here to help. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I need to find a free sexual assault support group near me.. (Citrus Heights or nearby Sacramento). Can you help me find one? WEAVE offers sexual assault support groups. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options and resources. You may come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I was Rapped when i was 14 years old i will be 16 next month. My parents know and we have contacted the police. I waited to long to tell my parents because i was scared to talk about it and i didnt want them to know i was drinking. When my parents had found out it was to late for me..the guy had gotten away with it. a coupel months later i was jumped by a group of guys for “Snitching’ i have never seen these guys before is there anything i can do…. I really want to talk to other people about what i went through and what has made me stronger and also to listen to other peoples storys.. please help thankyou It can be an empowering decision to decide to tell someone safe about a sexual assault and telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offeres a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I am in need of sexual assault counseling, but I work out of town and am not able to make it to the triage times. What can I do? WEAVE offers triage on Wednesdays from 4pm to 7pm to meet the needs of individuals working until 5pm. If that does not work for you then WEAVE can offer you referrals to other agencies who may offer counseling at later times. For referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
My niece was raped and beaten this last April. She is now very provacative. How do get her to understand she needs help? Rape is a traumatic experience to which there is no single “right” way to respond. It is important that your niece know that support is available to her. She can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952 anytime to receive support and learn more about our services. WEAVE can also offer her counseling when she is ready. While it may be frustrating for you and those around her, your niece knows best when she is ready to seek additional assistance in dealing with the assault. It is important she knows there are people around her who care about her and support her. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line is also available to you as a concerned family member. You, too, can call it at anytime to talk with a trained counselor about how best to support your niece.
Was gang-raped 15 years ago, got a ton of counseling, live a happy life, but still terrified of the dark. Will it ever change? The feelings of fear may or may not totally go away, however, it is most common that they will diminish greatly. Sometimes anniversaries and life events can re-trigger memories and symptoms. If this is continues to be bothering you, perhaps it is time to check back in with a qualified therapist. You may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line for emotional support and referrals.
how do i know if i was raped? Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. For emotional support and resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
Need to leave abusive bf i need a place to move to i hav two evictions cant find a place to help.but hav a job.and the money. The WEAVE Safehouse may be an option for you. To access WEAVE services and/or for referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
How old do the parties have to be for sexual assualt/rape to be considerd.Specificly,17 yr old male & 15 yr female? In the state of California, Unlawful Sexual Intercourse, commonly known at Statutory Rape, states the minimum age someone must be to have sex is 18. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. There is no age limitation for rape/sexual assault. is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sexual act, it is sexual assault. If you have been sexually assaulted it is very important that you seek medical attention as soon as possible for several reasons: -To treat any injuries. -To check for possible pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. -To collect evidence for a criminal case. For emotional support and resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
how important is it to tell someone if you were raped? even if it happened a long time ago. It is an empowering decision to decide to tell someone about a sexual assault. It is an important factor in what makes you who you are now and the experiences you’ve had. If you find you are having difficulties in your relationships (romantic or otherwise) due to your sexual assault, it might be liberating to tell others about it and share your story. Telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. For emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
My daughter says she was raped 10 years ago at age 9 by an older boy at a friends house. Do you have help for something that old Your daughter may be experiencing post traumatic stress disorder. This is very common with sexual assault survivors. WEAVE provides counseling and support services for survivors of sexual assault. Please have your daughter call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to access counseling services.
I was sexaul Assault by my brother-in-law three different times. We are a close family so I see him all the time. what can i do Surviving sexual assault is a challenging journey. When you have been assaulted by someone you know and must continue to see, it can make the journey even more difficult. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to offer you support and insight. The number is 916.920.2952. You may also want to schedule an initial meeting with a WEAVE Counselor to determine if individual or group counseling may be beneficial to you. WEAVE’s counselors understand the challenges every survivor faces and are here to help with understanding the many emotions you may feel and to help you stay safe while working through the many emotions you feel. You can request information about the counseling process by calling the Support and Information Line. WEAVE is here to support you in whatever way you feel is best at this time and will remain here for you if your needs change in the future.
What should I do since my case was dropped without my okay with it? It appears that your case may be a criminal case; however WEAVE would need more details. If it is a criminal case call the DA’s office at 916.876.6171. If this is a family law or domestic violence restraining order case call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916.319.4905. For Support and Information about WEAVE services and your situation call 916.920.2952.
i was drugged and now im so confused can you really help me. i cant go to the police can i get help without having to make repor Whether or not you report the assault to law enforcement, it is important to get checked out medically for any injuries, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases. WEAVE Advocates are available to you on the 24-Hour Support and Information Line for support and will not judge you. An Advocate can provide you with options and emotional support. The Support and Information Line is 916.920.2952.
i was 18, he was 16 and sexually assaulted me- he’s my brother, what can i do? You are not alone. WEAVE offers counseling services that may help you during this difficult time. To receive counseling services and for support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
My son-in-law sexually assaulted me 4 times in 2 years. I finally told my daughter and she doesn’t believe me. What do i do? It is important to know that the assault was not your fault and to make sure you are creating a support system for yourself. Unfortunately, your daughter may not be capable of being part of that support system at this time. It is common for family members to be in disbelief when they know the perpetrator. WEAVE offers services to help you in creating the support system. When you are ready, WEAVE can offer counseling that can help you build coming skills and provide support for healing. You also have access to WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line by calling 916.920.2952. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help.
Every Sunday my husband wants sex. He does what he wants to my body. I stay silent. I don’t want to. Is this sexual abuse? If your partner minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex and/or forces you to perform unwanted sex acts this is considered sexual abuse. You deserve to be in a relationship where your feelings and wants are respected. Love should not hurt. WEAVE offers an Educational Workshop about domestic violence, sexual assault and WEAVE’s crisis intervention and counseling services on Mondays from 5:45-7:30 PM and Fridays from 11:45 AM- 1:30 PM. For support and more information please call the 24 Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I know a student has been sexully assaulted on a high school campus. The school has yet to notify parents of this situation. Sexual assaults on campus are frightening for students and parents alike. School policy will dictate how and when parents are notified. If you know the student who was the victim of the assault, please encourage her to seek support to deal with the impact of the assault. WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line is available to the student, her family and friends by calling 916.920.2952.
It’s been 20 years since I was raped. I have to deal with it. Can you help? It is good you are seeking help. Surviving a rape – regardless of how long ago – is a process and WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of sexual assault. You can learn more about the counseling options and request a counseling appointment by contacting our 24 hour Crisis & Information Line at 916.920.2952. The 24 hour Crisis Line is also a support system for you to use anytime you need to talk about the assault and its impact on your life.
im a victim of a recent gang sexual assult.Im being threatend by them.Cops arent helping.I have no money to move away.Help??? You are not a alone and WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers many services that can assist you. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to obtain information about Victim Witness and about our services. A Crisis Line Counselor will be able to provide emotional support and referrals.
a man 26 years older than me pressured me to be on the phone while he played with himself i feel violated was i? You have every right to feel violated. It is a form of sexual assault if he is forcing you to do something without your consent. Please call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and more information about WEAVE services.
I told him I didn’t want sex at the beginning of the night, but he kept on pushing; I gave in the next morning. Is it assault? It is sexual assault when you tell him once that you do not want to have sex. At that point, he is required by law to immediately stop what he is doing. Submission does not mean consent. For more support and information, you may call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
45 yr old male molested a 2 yr old 33 yrs ago when he was 12 years old.Minor is an adult now,No current child danger.Reportable? The incident is not reportable to Child Protective Services because the survivor is over the age of 18. You may contact law enforcement and they will let you know if they can make an incident report. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and support.
A friend of mine was raped is this the best place for her to seek help? First let your friend know the rape is not their fault and that they are not alone. WEAVE offers individual counseling for sexual assault survivors. Your friend may talk with a triage counselor on the Crisis Line to decide what programs and options are best for them. WEAVE’s Crisis Line is 916.920.2952.
I have a girl that has told me she has been sex. assaulted, but won’t tell. She doesnt want parents to know. Guy has threatened If you believe this child has been sexually abused, please report it to the authorities so that she may receive help and support. Threats by abusers are common and she can be reassured that she will be protected.
What could be done for a 19 year old young lady, who lives at home, and has been assaulted by the father she still lives at home The survivor may contact law enforcement about the assault. She may also contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and shelter referrals. The Crisis Line will be able to provide information about our Temporary Restraining Order Workshop as well.
I think I’m a victim of non-contact molestation, does this count as actually being molested? I encourage you to call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your situation in more detail. A counselor will be able to provide emotional support and give you resources and referrals.
Can sexually assaulted males get help from weave too? WEAVE have services such as counseling and advocacy for males. Please call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more information on obtaining those services.
I was referred here in hopes of pressing charges, but its been about twenty years since my molestation. what are my options? You can contact law enforcement and they will let you know if you can make a report. Although WEAVE does not offer counseling for molestation, we have referrals for agencies that specialize in molestation. Please feel free to call our Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more referrals and emotional support.
Is it a sexual assult when a 16yo has oral/anel sex with 18yo? The 16yo is now being humiliated by him, can she get help? It is sexual assault when a 16 year old has oral and anal sex with a 18 year old. In California, nobody under the age of 18 can consent to sex. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling to survivors of 13+ years. If the perpetrator is harassing the 16 year old, WEAVE can help with filing for a Temporary Restraining Order. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information on how to receive our services and to explore other options.
Im 16 I have been sexually assulted numerous times by friends and cousins? Why does it always happen, and how can I avoid it? We are so sorry to hear you have been a victim of numerous acts of sexual assault. Nothing you did caused the assaults to happen. The only reason why you were assaulted was because your friends and cousins are perpetrators. Therefore, they are the only ones who could stop it. You do have several options of what you could do now. You can contact law enforcement and make reports of the incidents since what they did to you is a crime. And, you could get into counseling to help you process everything. You might want to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation and receive support and guidance.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH ASKING FOR HELP WHEN YOU ARE SO ASHAMED TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED IN THE FIRST PLACE? Shame is a common feeling among people who have been abused and it’s sometimes helpful to know that you are definitely not alone in being abused and your feelings that come with it. A good first step would be to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There, you could be anonymous and everything you say would be confidential, but you could still express your feelings and receive the support that you need while going over your options.
I’M TRYING TO FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS BUT I’M HITTING BRICK WALLS EVERYWHERE I LOOK; ANY HELP AT ALL? We are sorry to hear the search has been stressful. WEAVE does have support groups for sexual assault survivors which might be what you are looking for. For more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I was sexually abused as a child. Last Sunday I was assaulted and almost raped. I feel like I am to blame. Can you help? No one asks to be assaulted or sexually abused which is why none of this is your fault. The only ones to blame are the perpetrators because they were the ones to do this to you. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling services which can help you in regard to your recent assault. We can also give you referrals to other counseling agencies that can help you with your past sexual abuse as a child. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and to receive support while having someone to talk to.
No memory of “falling asleep” on date, woke up very groggy, sore, and with slightly bruised thighs. Could I have been raped? Yes, it is possible that you have been raped. Some things that you could do now are go to the hospital to get checked out, go to law enforcement, or get into counseling. A good first step would be to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 and speak with one of our Crisis Line Counselors about what you went through and what you are feeling right now and they can give you options, depending on what you want to do.
perpetrator of sexual crime soon released from prison. i as the survivor would like to relocate. what help can i recieve Our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 can give you some referrals that can possibly help you relocate. Please call for more information and for support during this difficult time.
My ex b/f hurt in a some sexual ways and always hit me i keep having dreams of it and feel like i am reliving it what can i do? The process for healing from trauma is different for each individual, and the way the mind and body responds to the past trauma is just as varied. One way to heal from a traumatic experience is by talking to a trained counselor. WEAVE provides both individual and group counseling that may help you with the healing process. By contacting WEAVE’s 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 you can continue the healing process and learn more about the many services we offer.
My husband has sexually assaulted me on several occassions. I am so confused. What do I do? You have many choices that you can explore on the Crisis Line. From reporting the abuse to law enforcement, receiving in-person counseling at WEAVE, or talking anonymously to a counselor on the Crisis Line. After talking with a Crisis Line counselor you may choose any and all of the choices to assist you with the healing process and increase your safety. To learn about your choices, please speak to a trained counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband is verbally/mentally/sexually abusive. I’m in counseling he is not until next week. What are my options? WEAVE offers many services that can assist you, including in-person counseling, legal assistance, and a Safehouse where you could stay up to 45 days. To explore which of the many services best meet your current needs, please talk with one of our counselors at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I was molested as a child & would like to help others in the same situation. Can you tell me where to get started? A powerful way to turn a traumatic event in one’s life into something positive, after the healing process has occurred, is to help others that have experienced similar trauma. WEAVE does not provide services for those healing from childhood molestation, but we do refer callers to other local agencies. Please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line to receive the name and phone numbers of those agencies at 916.920.2952.
My husband is verbally/mentally abusive. I do not want to have sex but he yells at me and throws things. What do you suggest? You have already taken a very important first step, identifying your husband’s actions as abuse. The next step would be to consider if you want to make changes to have a relationship without abuse. Both you and your husband can choose to make changes if you are both willing. We strongly suggest that couples that have domestic violence issues not attend couples counseling for safety reasons. To learn more about the many services WEAVE can offer you, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There are services available to help your husband learn to not be abusive that we can refer him to. While your husband receives assistance, you could receive support from WEAVE’s counseling.
My ex forced me to have sex May 15, 2006. He’s always been verbally/emotionally abusive. I was violated. Can I still report it? The statute of limitations on reporting an assault varies, but usually is more than just a few years. Spousal rape is a crime, and based on a variety of factors, can be punishable with incarceration. There are both legal and emotional benefits to making a report to the proper law enforcement agency. If you choose to report or not please contact our counselors at 916.920.2952 to discuss your options and receive support. In-person counseling services would always be available to you, no matter how long ago the assault took place.
How can I get over what happened to me? You may find that friends and family expect that you should be ready to move on with your life as soon as they are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand sexual assault know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being assaulted affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people who are assaulted experience symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and, although symptoms do get better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the assault long after it happened. Getting counseling can provide you with a safe person to talk to and skills to cope with your feelings and reactions. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to react or feel a certain way. There is no time period or deadline when you should “get over it”. Healing from such a violation is a complicated and individual process. Take as long as you need to let yourself heal.