Domestic Violence Message Board

Message Board

Domestic Violence Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in two business days.

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails.

Question Answer

I feel bad because I’m the husband. My wife has been continually physically abusive to me. I took at first but I just recently lost a finger nail because of her and I getting in a fight. She literally throws canned food at me sometimes. I’m confused if I am the one at fault somehow. I do touch her her and tickle her sometimes, but it is never aggressive, however sometimes she tells me its my fault, and to remember how aggressive was. I’ve never hurt her. I just don’t know if I should ever touch her. This is not a facetious or purposely ridiculous post; I’m a real dude. I’m in central coast Cali (SLO area).

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! It can be difficult to reach out and ask questions regarding domestic violence. I am happy you felt comfortable enough to do so! I am sorry you have had objects thrown at you, no one deserves that. WEAVE is located in sacramento ca, we do have services you can partake in, however it would be a long drive! There is the national domestic violence hotline that you can call to get in touch with some agencies near you that can provide services such as counseling, residential, and legal help. The number for the national hotline is (800) 799-7233.

What to do about roommate bringing violent ex back in the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be scary living with a roommate who brings someone violent over. If you feel like you are in danger please contact law enforcement. This can be hard to deal with on your own and confusing on what your next steps should be. Do you have the resources to move out? Have you reached out to any friends or family for support? If you would like to talk or get help please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

Hello, I am at a point in a 15+ year on and off relationship, where I am mentally, emotionally and verbally abused almost everyday. Even for just asking How his day is going. Names called, basically there are rules for when and how I speak to him. Anyways, my problem is that even though I know I am being abused I still beg for him to not leave and that we can work on it… while at the same time knowing he wont change, and I deserve way better My question is can WEAVE help someone like me who seems so mentally ill, that she wants her abuser still? Thanks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I understands that there are a lot of reasons why someone can choose to stay with an abuser, and love is one of them! Staff here at WEAVE will never look down upon someone who wants to stay with an abuser, our main concern is that you are safe! We have counseling services you may be interested in! Please contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 for information on our counseling services as well as our other services.  

I live in North louisiana. My bf of around 2 years (off &on) came to my house acting like he was ready to be friends now because he “missed his best friend”. We’ve known each other since I was around 8, I’m 44 now and he’s 49. Anyway we got along fine until I told him we weren’t getting bk together and reminded him that he said just friends. Long story short, he ended up holding me hostage in my home for 2-3 nights, taking my phone from me as well as more physical altercations than I can count. I’ll be the first to admit that I have hit him first on many occasions (previous & this incident). And Im pretty sure I hit him first everytime during my being held hostage this last time 3 days ago. He has held me as well as many other gfs hostage on many many occasions. This is not a first for him. When I tell someone to get out of my house I expect them to get out of my house, so when he wont, and laughs in my face telling me he will leave when he gets ready to, yes I punched him, many times. I do not plan on telling any lies, unlike him. So, he starts telling me the only way I’m getting out of my house is in a body bag with him. Says he’s going to kill me then himself, I’m going to take that seriously!!! So, thursday night, I suddenly got the opportunity to run out of my house and get to my car and lock the doors before he caught me. I started my car and he tried to punch my window out then tried to get in bk door. Then he starts trying to stop my car. I back out and drag him thru some bushes. I put my car in drive and take off down my driveway which is about a quarter of a mile long and gravel. I live way out in the country and n9 real close neighbors. Almost at the end of my driveway I realise he is hanging onto my Sideview mirror of my car. As I get to the blacktop road and take a left out of my driveway he decides to finally let go and I ran over him. His leg or legs is what I’m hearing. He’s a diabetic. Uncontrolled & noncompliant!!! Now he is hiding out somewhere and refuses to go to hospital for medical attention. He has two warrants for his arrest he’s been avoiding for very long time not related to us. I’ve been told that he has an open fracture of one of his legs! I reported the incedent to sheriff’s dept but they can’t find him. His son has sent word to me threatening me if I keep pushing the issue with the law that he will see to it I do 20-25 years for attempted vehicular manslaughter!!!! I’m only trying to forsee his daddy to get medical attention. I’ll always care a great deal about him but I know we can NEVER be together again!!!! It gets worse everytime!!!! This is way worse than I ever thought it would go. I did not hurt him intentionally. I didn’t mean to run over him!!! I feel horrible and I’m worried to death about him. My question is can they charge me with anything and if so, what? Also, several months ago, during another hostage situation, before he took my phone I texted my daughter that he wouldn’t let me leave to come do her hair. My 2 daughters showed up with 4-5 cops and he ran out the back door and got away. Where I live is a small town amd nobody here is hard to find but the law stopped looking for him when they left my house it seems. If they would’ve kept looking until they found him he would be in jail rite now and this other much more serious ordeal wouldn’t have happened. PLEASE HELP ME!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry you were held hostage in your own house, that must have been very scary! WEAVE is located in sacramento ca, and laws are different depending on the state you reside. The National Domestic Violence Hotline will be able to connect you with shelters and resources closer to where you live, that way you can receive accurate information to your questions. The number for the hotline is 800-799-7233. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My ex-husband refuses to move out. He has a violent temper and is verbally abusive. I feel unsafe in my own home. What are my rights the house is mine through our divorce.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel unsafe in your own home. You do have options! Unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice on our message boards. Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952, WEAVE does have a legal department that can provide information and options for you!

My daughter’s ex boyfriend is like poison to her the other night Bob he doesn’t do anything he does drugs stays out all night they can do what you want the other night he broke the door down through here across the room and then said if you call the cops I’m a kill you bitch and he broke the door wouldn’t lock so she had to leave because she scared him and I am terrified that he is he’s going to come back and something’s going to happen so why did she would our Bersouth and he would come in and Anna fora bug me with her don’t come if we what hit him like Bridget need with a baseball bat is that sub the beds

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry your daughter is having to go through this with her ex boyfriend. There are a lot of available resources for you and your daughter. These situations can be very scary, if at any time you or your daughter feel like your lives are in danger please call law enforcement. If you need resources or support please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My boyfriend moved on with me and we got into it t he put a rock through my car windshield and they also found 2hits of acid hr got nothing?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! Unfortunately I am unsure about what you are asking! If it is “why he wasn’t arrested” I unfortunately am unsure. Usually when law enforcement is called they will give you a card with a case # and the name of the officer who responded. If you have this card I would advise for you to call and ask any questions you may have. If this was not your question please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I don’t know what to do….. my boyfriend… well I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore because I am tired of him pushing me, hurting me & calling me names and drinking so much alcohol. Over the weekend when My little boys were at their fathers for the weekend my bf ( we will call him Ben) started acting really scary, he was hiding in the pitch black garage with a gun… I got scared and left, Ben called me and told me he was going to kill himself and that he’s glad I am not there because he doesn’t know what would happen. Then yesterday he called me and told me to stay on the phone and listen for the “end” he kept repeating it and I hung up and I called 911. Ben left before the police arrived and no one heard from him for over 24 hours. He told me that if he didn’t have me, no one would. My question is this, is it the alcohol taking? Do you think he would harm himself… or do something horrible to me, or

Worse my babies?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this can be a very scary situation not only for yourself but for your family. If you feel like you or your family are in danger at any time please call law enforcement. If your boyfriend is having thoughts about suicide,  the alcohol can have an impact on his decisions, however alcohol is not the only answer. Our priority is to make sure you are safe. If you need help or would like to discuss some of your options please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. I would advise for you and your family to get somewhere safe and to call law enforcement since he is threatening your life by him saying “if he can’t have you no one can”. Please reach out if you need support!

Domestic violence cam emotional abuse count

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Domestic violence can be emotional, physical, sexual, financial, or even spiritual abuse. If you are experiencing any of these forms of abuse please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952 to speak with someone.

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years. Hes quick to put his hands on me every time he dosen’t like something i do. He will kick me out side for hours and say that I was not allowed in the house because he makes more money than me because he gets a G.I. check the first of the month even though he dosent work. He doesn’t pay attention to me he’s always bossing me around and controlling every little move that I do I’m always wrong and he’s always right and I just don’t know what to do anymore he refuses to get help from the VA Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been going through this with your fiance! No one deserves to be bossed around or controlled by someone who is supposed to love them. If you need to discuss some of your concerns or worries please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. You are not alone !!

Can i get full custody of my son if he is only 2 months old and I have charges pressed against my ex boyfriend? My ex boyfriend has hit me for months, even when i was pregnant, and i recently pressed domestic violence charges against him as well as a restraining order. I recently moved out of California because my family lives in Texas. He would hit me while holding our son and i wanted to try to get full custody. I have an audio recording of him hitting me that i wanted to use in court. I was hoping that it would help my case. I also have documentation of him stating in court that he hit me while i was pregnant on a restraining order he got on my mom after she threatened him. She was mad about him hitting me. I’m unemployed because i was on maternity leave and quit my job to be a full stay at home mom and im living with my parents. Hes threatening that i cant get full custody but he has a big drinking problem and smokes weed. The only things he has over me is that hes working and has his own apartment that his parents help pay for. As well as a car.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you have been experiencing this with your ex boyfriend. But I am grateful you have the support of your family in Texas. The laws in Texas and California are different so I do not want to misguide you in any way.

Please feel free to call our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 to get in contact with a shelter in your area whom may have a legal department as well If you still have questions please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My 17 year old son got into an altercation with my husband (stepdad). He was cussing and yelling because we took his phone because of being disrespectful and my son stood up in front of my husband yelling and cursing in a challenging way. My husband put him on the floor of his bedroom but once held down he started choking my son and I had to push him off of him. My husband and I have been married 8 years. My husband has started taking citalopram a few months ago for anger/depression issues and lisinopril for blood pressure. Husband only had anger issues starting 2 years ago when my father died. I never know when he will lose his temper. Usually it’s he and my son fighting about chores or something that sets husband off. What is the legal term for what my husband did to my son and what are my options? I’m contemplating divorce but question if I’m making a big deal but don’t think I am. What angers me is I am questioning the right thing to do because I think his temper has flared so many times that I’m almost used to it but I don’t want my children in danger and tired of him having outbursts and walking on eggshells. Usually when he gets angry someone indirectly gets hurt. Deep down I believe he is a good man but can’t control his temper. I’m scared and don’t know what my options are. I have 5 kids that live with us aged 20, 17, 7, 6, and 4. I have no college degree and no job and no savings. I don’t know what to do. I feel that choking he has taken it too far. I did kick him out but now wondering if I should divorce. Need advice. I live in Mississippi.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been experiencing this with your husband, and the death of your father two years ago. Unfortunately I cannot give you any legal advice on our message boards however you have options!!! I am going to give you the national domestic violence hotline (800) 799-7233. They will be able to give you numbers to shelters in your area who can provide services for you and your family.

Is it considered domestic violence if my boyfriend has never hit me but he’s always very physically and verbally abusive? This has been bothering me for a few days and i dont know how to talk to people about it. I also dont want it getting back to him because he never hit me, so a rumor going around that he did might make him very mad. I just need to know if his aggressive manor is actually a form of domestic violence. Can somebody help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Domestic violence  is not only physical abuse, it also includes, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual. So to answer your question, yes aggressive behavior is considered domestic violence. A good way to see if someone is being abused is to ask, does this behavior make me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or any other negative feeling. This can be very confusing and hard to deal with on your own! WEAVE has a support and information line you call call at (916)920-2952 or you can call the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233. 

I filed a restraining order against my husband 2 days after he was admitted to the hospital with blood clots in his legs and other life threatening problems I took him in because I’m stupid I want him out he was in the hospital for a month he’s back at drinking and smoking what can I do to end this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. You are not stupid, these situations can be confusing and tough to handle. I am a little confused about your current situation, It looks like you filed a restraining order and he is now living with you again? Was your restraining order approved? Unfortunately I cannot answer your question with the current information. Please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line to talk about your options and your current situation. 

I am trying to help my cousin. She is trying to divorce her abusive ex. She is currently living in Oregon with her mother, so her ex cannot get to her. Her home is in Orange county. Who can she contact to get legal help? She has exhausted all her funds hiring attorneys in Orange county, who take the money and do nothing. He has sold off all their business and home and keeps postponing court dates. She has been living in Oregon for 3 years, but her divorce is in Orange county.She can no longer afford to drive back and forth because she lost her job.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you question! I am sorry your cousin has been dealing with this issue for so long. But I am grateful she has someone like you to lean on as well as her mother in Oregon. WEAVE does have a legal department she can call for any questions or concerns (916) 319-4944. I am unable to give any legal advice on our message boards but if you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.
my boyfriend has has a painting business. Which I work for. We live together as well. He has continually withheld money from me the entire relationship. He makes me feel bad if I refuse to work and promises things will be 50-50. He lies. Now he is kicking me out and I have nothing, no money or assets. I am a single mom of 2 young children and I have no family or friends. what can I do to keep my children and I from being homeless in the winter in Iowa

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! It can be very scary not knowing where to go or who to contact regarding your situation. I am genuinely sorry you have had to go thru this! Unfortunately WEAVE is located in Sacramento CA. However there is a national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233, you can call that number and ask for domestic violence shelters in Iowa, that may be able to help you! You are also able to call out 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952 if you have any questions or concerns. 

My bf and I have been together for 4.5 years and have lived together for 3.5. Our relationship has always had some levels of control, in the beginning of our relationship, he was mean and invasive towards my privacy he would go in my room and secretly read my journal from the year before. Eventually he asked if I’d allow him to read it and at first I said no because my journal was from when I was a depressed teen and was really embarrassed but he was very persistent and even described how his ex let him so I should too. This made me mad but I said yes from which I had censored some things I’d written because they were too personal. Anyway he found out because he had read my journal beforehand and instantly got mad at me for hiding things. I didn’t know how to explain myself because the information I had censored was sexually aggressive completely not like me but I wrote that originally because I was angry depressed and confused. He’d also do the same with my facebook and other social media. Was I wrong for keeping that from him or am I allowed some level of privacy? I thought I was wrong. Years later and we move to a new state. This is where he starts breaking my belongings he first broke my phone and laptop because I wanted him to talk to me calmly. Later he would break my phones for talking to friends of the opposite sex but these were the only friends I had. This scared me so I started feeling alone and even though he didn’t like me talking to them I did it anyway and he broke my phone again (2 so far). Then I made anothr friend who was gay but was just a friend at the time. He didn’t want me talking to her either and would constantly get mad when I did but I needed to feel like I had someone like someone cared about me. That’s not a good excuse to betray someone like that but he terrified me. Anyway he keeps snooping thru my phone and misinterpreted all of my texts saying they were suggestive and forbade me to talk to her. When I said no and led to another argument he broke that phone too.I still didn’t stop talking to her and she quickly became my best friend. I loved having her in my life but he hated her. One day she kissed me and I really enjoyed it but this terrified me because I knew that meant I had feelings for her and my bf would be angry. I never told him for a while because I got scared. I understand this was wrong and I should’ve been honest. Anyway he found out because he was being nosy again and I confessed. He seemed okay and promised he wouldn’t be mad in the future about it. We moved on and one day he kept blowing up at me. He’d spend all day yelling about her and made me call her to tell her I could no longer talk to her. She didn’t answer the first day – he made me call like 10 times – but he didn’t let me leave his sight until I did. Eventually I did and had to lose my first real best friend. About a month later and he’s more verbally aggressive. He yells at me when we don’t have sex saying that since I kissed someone else I need to be more open to sex with him but hearing this made me very uncomfortable. One day after yelling at me all day he grabs me and gently takes my clothes off which scares me again because I’m scared to give in and then see him be mean again so out of reaction I bite his lip because I’m scared of what’s gonna happen. He yells at me from which I leave to the living room. I fall asleep and next thing I know I’m awake and covered in cold vegetable broth so I get mad and he throws a bowl into my new TV which breaks. Now everyday he uses the kiss against me for everything. If I get mad he says he won’t calm down until I yell at my ex bff (the one I kissed) the same way. He tells me that I should treat her as shitty as I treat him. He constantly threatens to break my belongings if I don’t treat him better and even threatened to beat “her ass” if I’m around her again (both of which I have recorded). The problem is I’m so far away from family and had to leave the one person who could help. I’m constantly scared work and go to school full time so I’m not home often which scares me cause I never know what I might come home to (I had to replace my TV which I use for school to watch online lectures). He controls every part of my life and won’t even let me take my own car to work. This also scares me because I’m so paranoid he’ll show up because my ex bff works with me. What if he decides to beat her or me or something? He’s not recently hit me or is usually violent but what can I do? Should I be scared? Could I have changed something or did I deserve this for yelling or being friends with people he didn’t want me to be friends with? I want to leave him but we have a lease in our apartment. Plus I’m scared he will follow or harass me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel isolated and scared in your current situation. None of this is your fault!! You do have resources and options. We cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however there are resources for restraining orders, options to get out of your lease, safety planning, etc. you are not alone, and we can help you. Please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for more information. Or the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233.

In August my husband put his hands on me. I had just got home and he had drunken a whole bottle of Jack Daniels, a 24 pack of beer and when we went to get dinner he had a pitcher of beer all to himself. We were planning on going to the movies after dinner and we got in an argument in the car. He wanted me to sneak beer in my purse to bring into the theater. He was really drunk. I got mad and decided to return our movie tickets and go home. As I was walking to the ticket booth he grabbed me by my pony tail really rough and dragged me back to the car. He kept calling me these aweful names in public. Nobody helped. I was crying and I got away from him and returned the tickets and got our money back. I called a friend and they talked to him and calmed him down. I took him home and I couldn’t stop crying. The next day he didn’t remember. He apologized and promised to get help and go to AA or private counselling. He stopped the hard liquor but now he drinks more beer. He has really bad mood swings and I’m always afraid that I’ll say something that’ll make him mad. I want to leave but I have no money or family out here. I have a therapy dog and I’m worried he might hurt her if he gets too drunk.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you were hurt by your husband. No one deserves to be abused, or worried that someone they love will harm them or their animals. If you want to leave you have options, I know that you have obstacles (no income, animal, etc) however there are agencies that can help! I am unclear about what county you reside in but you can call the national domestic violence hotline at ( 800) 799-7233 to find shelters and resources near you. You may also call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your options or help you plan how to leave.
What should I do if my husband threatens to hit me?? Should i call the police? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. If your husband threatens to hit you, this can be considered emotional abuse. If you feel like your life is in danger at any time please reach out to someone you trust or law enforcement. You have options regarding this matter! If you would like to talk about those options please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. You are not alone and you have options!
My child’s father has physically abused me in front of our 2 year old son multiple times and there has been police reports in the past and DHR has been called on to investigate child abuse. Can my son be taken away from me even though his father doesn’t stay with me and I have physical custody? Can I be put in jail for child abuse? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been abused by your child’s father, no one deserves to be hurt. Unfortunately I cannot answer that question without more information, I know it must be scary to think your child may be taken away. WEAVE is here to talk ! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for more information.

My husband thinks he can touch me between the legs anytime he feels like it, randomly in the house, throughout the day, and in the car. I hate it. I say stop. HE doesn’t listen. He says because he is my husband he is allowed to touch me whenever he wants. What is the law in California on this? I just want to know so I can tell him. I doubt he will stop. It is demeaning and makes me feel powerless. THen later I have a hard time when he wants to have mutual sex or intimacy. I tell hIm his hands can’t violate me one hour and turn me on the next.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you are feeling violated by your husband, and he is not listening to you when you ask him to stop. What you are experiencing is Marital Rape, the laws associated with this differ between states however in California it is illegal and can be punishable as a felony. If you have any questions or need support WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 that is here to talk.

Hi ,I have a 2 month old son and a month ago my mom kick me out for the weekend and my ex baby daddy smack me all the time but it’s because I told him to help me with him and told him to get off his butt and take care of him and be a dad and he’s a man child,he told me that he’ll drag my boyfriend mason who wants to adopt my son in the middle of a street and beat him to a bloody polp if I sign his name on my sons birth certificate including me as well not to mention he has records of murder and he death threaten me my boyfriend and my son, what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. If you, your boyfriend, or your child are in danger please contact law enforcement. WEAVE does provide services such as counseling and law (restraining orders, divorce, and child custody). If you have questions or would like to seek help please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

my husband slaps my disabled son what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be very difficult watching a loved one be hurt, especially when they are not able to defend themselves. Unfortunately I cannot tell you what to do, however I can give you options. You can call our support and information line at (916) 920-2952, you can report the abuse to child protective services, or you can leave with your son to a safe place. This decision can be very difficult to make on your own, we are here if you need to talk!

 

I do OA work (copy papers, errands,) for a firm my mom once worked at. (I’m 18 first job.) Last week I went to L.A. to help at a conference. At the hotel I set my suitcase by some shuttle vans. When I came back my suitcase was gone. A 23 yo paralegal who I work with loaned me some clothes and shoes. The second night she invited me to see L.A. This L.A. lawyer she knew had a new Mercedes. He took us to Beverly Hills and Santa Monica. We walked a pier and ate at a restaurant in Santa Monica. Her lawyer friend paid for dinner. I thought something was not good because after we left the restaurant and were walking back to his car he put his arms around me and my coworker but my coworker wasn’t pushing him away? We rode in his car to his house close to the ocean. He asked if we wanted something to drink. My coworker reminded him I was 18. He said I could get some soda from his refrigerator. He left to let his dog outside. I poured some pepsi but my coworker said to add rum. I shouldn’t have but I did. When he came back in he asked if we wanted to go in his Jacuzzi. My coworker said we would. I never Jacuzzi naked. We were talking and my coworker kept swimming in circles in front of us. When she swam she touched his and my arms and legs and things. She kept jumping out of the Jacuzzi to get us more drinks. I could feel the alcohol. I went into the house to use the bathroom. When I came back my coworker and him were kissing. I keep wondering why I was stupid and didn’t just stay inside his place or just put my clothes back on. I went and jumped into the Jacuzzi again. When they swam over to me I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I should have jumped out but I was too afraid? My coworker was doing everything. He just watched. I kept thinking this is not good. She had me up on the side of his Jacuzzi. I kept thinking at the time he was going to rape me but he just watched. That is what I don’t understand. He didn’t do anything but watch. It wasn’t like rape too in some ways because I had undressed myself?She never put her fingers or tongue inside but only outside my vagina. I never said to her no stop that’s enough or don’t do that? She never had me do anything to her besides kiss and tongue her mouth. When she went down my body and later went down on me I never resisted which I guess on my part would have been ok had I been a better communicator? I didn’t jump up or say I didn’t want it or why was I even letting her do this? After I finished she swam over to him and gave him a blowjob and some sex while I waited and rested. After he took us back to the hotel. It was over. I have to see my coworker tomorrow. I don’t know what to say to her. On the plane ride back to Sac she didn’t even talk about it. Now I’m feeling feelings like maybe it’s ok but shouldn’t I say to her it was wrong how she used alcohol to get to me and kind of forced me to Jacuzzi naked? Thank you for contacting WEAVE. These situations can be very confusing especially when they involve people you know. None of this is your fault, and you are not alone. Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind that made you feel uncomfortable. Any time there is alcohol involved no one is truly able to give consent as well. I cannot tell you if you should confront your co worker or not, however seeing her can be very confusing for you. WEAVE does offer counseling services as well as a 24 hour support and information line that are here to talk! (916) 920-2952. Please reach out if you need anything.

I had an ex boyfriend who was obsessed with me to the point where he threatened to kill himself if i would leave him. He emotionally abused me for over 4 years. During our whole relationship he was in prison and somehow managed to secretly call me everyday to see where and whom i was with. It has been almost 4 years since i have cut ties with him, i have a completely new life. I got married and started a family. My concern is he still to this day hasn’t stopped trying to get in contact with me: either finding out my phone number or having acquaintances show up at my previous jobs. He was able to somehow contact my husband recently and advised him he wasn’t going to let us be together. He is very irrational, and dangerous: I’m scared he will figure out a way to hurt my husband. What can i do? I’m desperate

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have had to deal with this for so long. It is never a safe feeling to know that someone is trying to contact you in many ways when that contact is not wanted. We cannot give any legal advice on our message boards, however there are agencies that specialize in this matter. For instance the house of ruth may be able to provide you more information on how to keep you and your family safe as well as provide information for any questions you may have, the number is 909-988-5559. WEAVE also provides a 24 hour number that may be able to shed some more light on this situation, the number is (916) 920-2952. If at any time you feel like you or your family is in danger please contact emergency services.

A OLD RELATIONSHIP I HAD THE WOMAN HAS THREATEN FOR SOME PEOPLE TO BRING HARM I GET FACE BOOK TO SHUT HER PAGE DOWN BE.FOUR THESE PEOPLE.BRING HARM TO ME PLEASE HELP ASAP. If you are being harassed on social media,  you need to report the posts directly to Facebook. WEAVE serves survivors in Sacramento County, California and we do not have the ability to initiate any actions with Facebook.

My abuser has been arrested and taken to jail 3 times last DA has charged him with impeding breath police photos show there’s no doubt it occurred time before police photos show my eye swollen shut huge bruises on my body. Got out on bound for impeding breath by signing judge enforced protection order violated it by coming to my work police report was filed with witnesses he’s still out showed up at my 90 yr old mother’s house where I reside now she’s scared to death shows up at my new job but Hunt County TX won’t do a thing what do I need to do to enforce this.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been going thru this for so long, it must have been scary for him to continue to show up at your work, at your mother’s house, and other places. Unfortunately WEAVE is located in sacramento Ca so I am unclear about the laws and regulations in TEXAS, however you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 to get transferred to an agency near you for further questions and concerns. Or you can reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

 

Is it wrong to want to leak my surveillance video of my ex fiancé attacking me in order to be heard. He has gotten away with this two times. The DA doesn’t even seem to care.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you feel like you haven’t been heard regarding the domestic violence. No one deserves to be hurt, especially by someone they love or once loved. Unfortunately I cannot tell you if you should leak the video, or give you any legal advice on our message boards, however WEAVE does have a legal department that you can call at (916) 319-4944.

Let me start by saying that my husband and I are faithful Catholics. Our faith is very important to us as is our marriage and having a family. My husband has been known to yell when angered enough or to hit walls, but we just recently had a son who is now 4 months old and I’m worried. Since he was born, he’s continued to show more aggressive behavior than before. Initially he blamed it on lack of sleep while the two of us were taking turns waking up for the baby in the middle of the nights, but now that my husband is back at work and it’s just me waking up, he doesn’t really have that excuse. He picks our son up roughly and very abruptly, and hits walls or kicks things if the baby cries when he’s trying to get him down to sleep. That’s half the time. The other half of the time he freezes. Doesn’t make an effort to comfort the baby. When asked about it, he says he’s “working on it,” but as someone who suffered at the hand of her own father for much of her childhood, I’m worried I won’t draw the line until it’s already too late and he’s done something we’ll both regret. I don’t think he would intentionally hurt our baby, but I’m worried he doesn’t care that that might result from the things he does. And I’m also worried about how he’ll be when our son is older and does things like not go to bed or throws tantrums. If it’s frustrating now, it’ll only be worse later. I love him, I love our son, and he loves us both, but it’s like he loses his senses in those difficult moments.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you are being torn between the love you have for your husband and the need to protect your child. Have you reached out to anyone for support such as friends, family, or your priest. WEAVE offers a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and counseling resources as well if you would like more information regarding your current situation.



 

I have a history of DV with my sons father. I have file a TRO but he couldn’t be served because he would cease communications each we tried to serve him. For a while there was neutral meeting place to exchange our son but when he doesn’t get what he wants starts to send me nasty text messages and emails my husband’s belittling me and calling me bipolar. idk what to do because by law I can’t keep my son from him because it’s would be parent alienation. I’ve tried TRO and every time he just disappear…This last time, we had a neutral place he agreed and the night before emails my husband stating that we are to come to his house if I want my son back after we already agreed that we would meet the neutral place…He has since then threaten over the phone and has message my husband calling us name and has text my phone calling me names and belittling me. I have ask him not to contact me and I am filing court papers, however I don’t know if I file a DV TRO or DV TRO with custody


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry your going thru this drawn out custody battle over your son. It is always difficult when domestic violence and children are mixed. Unfortunately we do not give legal advice on our message boards, however we do have free custody workshops every first wednesday of the month you can attend to get some answers. We also have a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and a legal department you can call at (916) 319-4944.



 

I just got out of a mentally abusive relationship and was never hit, but I’ve been having triggers while learning self defense. Is it normal to have fear/triggers even though I was never hit?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Even though you were never physically hit, domestic violence can leave scars that a person may not be aware of until after a person is outside of the relationship. These fears and triggers can be hard to deal with by yourself, WEAVE does offer counseling services that may benefit you. If you ever need to talk please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-295.

My ex boyfriend and I always got into fights because he would always hang out with girls or play games and I would get jealous. I always made him take me somewhere when I didn’t want to go I was just scared another girl would take him from me. He now always says I’m ugly or I never wanted to date you, and tells people about private things I told him. I have to see him every day in college what do I do? I now have a boyfriend who supports me, but I don’t know whether to tell him about the situation because he loves me and I’m his world, and he would go and beat up my ex. I don’t want anyone to get hurt I just wanna know if this is domestic abuse. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. All relationships are different, however a relationship with jealousy, anger, and/ or put downs is not healthy. I am glad you are now in a relationship with someone who loves and cares about you! I cannot tell you whether you should tell your current boyfriend the details about your previous relationship. However if you ex is harassing you with put downs and spreading intimate details about you, this can cause you a lot of stress which can be harmful if you keep all of your emotions inside. If you decide to tell your current boyfriend, will he understand that you don’t want violence? You mentioned that you’re in college, most colleges have a free counseling center on campus if you needed someone to talk to. If you need additional support please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

My dad used to abuse me as a child. I once had a asthma attack because of it and my parents didn’t take me to hospital. My Mum recently got out of hospital after 2 months and my Dad hasn’t abused me since. Is his mood changing because he missed my Mum, and is happy she’s back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am truly sorry they did not take you to the hospital when you had an asthma attack as a child, and that your father abuses you. No one deserves to be abused and I hope you know that none of this is your fault. I hope you mom is doing better now that she is out of the hospital, sadly I don’t have the answer as to why he hasn’t hurt you since your mom was discharged from the hospital. I am including a link to a website that explains the cycle of violence http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/  This could explain the “cooling off period”. If you feel you are in danger please call the authorities or reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here to help!

I’m  a victim of domestic violence, he was convicted of felony domestic because it was strangulation. he is now divorcing me. he abused me financially, verbally and physically prior to this arrest for more years than i want to admit. We have 3 kids and a dog. For the past 4 years since this has happened the kids and dog have been in my custody. He has paid very little child support so I have financially supported everyone including the dog on my part time job. He came in the house while I was at work and told my son he was taking the dog for a walk and never returned with her. We are heartbroken, especially the kids, because they are so bonded with her, she was a gift to my daughter. she is also therapy for my son who has health issues, the dog isn’t a registered therapy dog. He is saying that I told him to take her or I would take her to a shelter not true . He is refusing to bring her back not even for mediation. How do I get the dog back. If the court goes with who has the most money I will lose. How do I show that we are better to keep her. I don’t have a lot of vet receipts and it had my name as the primary but the office added his name. He paid for a lot of her checkups and food. the city dog license has always shown my name as owner as well as the registration for the microchip. What are the chances of us getting the dog and how to not make a long drawn out court battle? any suggestions or advice to help us get our beloved pet back? I don’t know how many more nights I can listen to my kids cry themselves to sleep. The kids are teenagers so you know this bothers them. Thanks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, It must be hard having an animal that you truly love be taken away. We cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however you do have options regarding this matter! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or our legal department at (916) 319-4944.

I received a call from a number that I did not know. I answered it and nothing was said just noises were being made so I hung up. The same thing happened a few more times. I texted and asked them to stop calling me but they called again. However this time I didn’t answer it and the person left a voicemail. I couldn’t make out everything being said but it sounded like someone was in trouble. There was a man doing most of the talking. He sounded angry. I made out a few words but they were vulgar. He sounded like he was yelling at someone and it was just really sketchy to me and I don’t know what to do about it.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, It must be discomforting having people call you frequently and hearing confrontations on the other end, that can be really scary especially if it is not a number you recognise. You can call your provider and see if they have any resources, you can block the number, or if you recognize the number you can contact the authorities. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.


 

I am in a relationship that is verbally abusive. I am on disability and can’t afford a lawyer. Plus I have animals I can’t leave

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you’re in a relationship that is verbally abusive, no one deserves to be abused. There are options for you, WEAVE provides services such as counseling, legal, and even residential services. If you would like to discuss your options please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. I understand you are worried about your animals however there are resources that will board the animals either for  free or on a sliding scale fee.

HI, I am writing in regards for my son in Florida. He was in a relationship with a woman (never married) for 10 years. They have 2 kids together. She bought a fixer upper house. He rebuilt the house by himself using his time, money and 10 yrs of hard labor. He traded his truck in so she could and did get a brand new car.After the house was done, she threw him out on new year’s eve. She gave him no warning about anything. For awhile he slept at friends houses and then 3 months ago, he got a room. Now, he was slammed with an 1100.00 cs order in florida. He is scared that he will not be able to make that much money. She works at laser spine institute in Tampa. She is a nurse in the operating room. Can someone out there help me? Thank you Sc

Ps, she would not allow his name on the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, unfortunately laws differ from state to state. WEAVE is located in California, so I do not want to give you any misleading information. There is a national domestic violence hotline (800)-799-7233 If you contact that number they will be able to give you the numbers of shelters and services in Florida. If you have any questions please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. I am sorry we were not able to provide more information to your question.

My wife of 6 years and her step son, who is 17 beat me up last night and I was forced to leave. I pay ALL the bills. All that I have in were mine prior to the marriage. I have marks on my face and I fear a concussion. Among other things. I have taken photos.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, no one deserves to be abused and I am sorry you were beat up by your wife and stepson. If you were hurt you should seek medical attention as soon as possible. What you experienced is considered domestic violence, you are able to call the police to have them take a report if you want. If you need any support or have any questions please feel free to call our 24 hour line at (916) 920-2952.

My abusive ex keeps emailing me and will not leave me alone and i told him to “let me go”, in a response email. Is this considered harassment? And can i get a peace order to have him leave me alone. I kept all of the emails just in case something may happen. He has come to my work twice unannounced over the summer. It’s been 6 months now and I really do not want him bugging me anymore and I am sure if i send another email saying leave me alone, he will just respond. What can i do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, it is great that you’re creating boundaries by informing your ex that you would like to be left alone. You are able to apply for a restraining order, the list of the different types of restraining orders, how to obtain one, and the details can all be found on the Superior Court of Sacramento Website. If you have any other questions, or need support please call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

A supposed ‘friend’ and his family pressured me into joining his church when I was a teen. This church is run by mostly old white men who claim to talk to god. These men oppose the ERA, gay marriage, and really are misogynists. I should have never joined but my ‘friend’ at the time and other church members put heavy guilt on me. After a year and a half of joining I was sent on a church mission. I was expected to pay my own way. It was like being prostituted for a religion. I was sent overseas. When I arrived overseas the church took my passport. I was forbidden to telephone home. I was told when to eat, sleep, and even pray. I was not permitted to be alone. I was expected to speak a foreign language they required me to learn. I was often typically pressured throughout my mission to be up every day at 4:30 or 5AM, recruit all day or do chores, and could not stop until 10:30 every night. I was essentially a prisoner again. I secretly cried. I was really just kidnapped in another way. The third world country I was in was dreadful. I had to boil water to drink. Toilets were sometimes just squatting over a hole. There were all kinds of parasites to avoid getting. I was often bitten by countless mosquitoes and bugs. Sometimes I was out in the countryside and jungle living alone with my unpicked-by-me periodically-changing ‘church companion’ controlling my every move. I felt abused, afraid, and alone. I was expected to recite memorized introductions and speeches to non-church people to trick and entice them into joining the church. Beyond my church members I rarely saw another foreigner. It was a rarity beyond my church-given changing ‘companions’ to hear anyone speak English. There was no one to ask for help. Local residents generally regarded church missionaries like me as American invaders. Sometimes my local church leaders would search my few personal belongings. They would also read my letters, journal, and look at any photographs I kept to ensure I was remaining ‘obedient’. Church leaders would ask me if I was keeping myself sexually and spiritually ‘pure’. Because of ‘spiritual cleanliness’, sometimes I was asked if I had done anything sex-wise or what I had been sexually thinking. It was mind breaking what they did to me. Tacked on with my earlier childhood abuse and captivity I fell into a severe feeling of despair and depression. After more than a year into my religious captivity I was sent back to the USA. I was forced to keep working as a missionary in the US since I had ‘failed to finish my agreement with god’. In the last week of my final year as a missionary I was told there was a plane ticket for me to return to California. I was permitted to go home. I broke down and sobbed for hours. I returned to California penniless. I was emaciated and starved to what most people would probably think I was an anorexic. But I returned to Sacramento. I cried for days and was frozen up for years afterward. While WEAVE does not focus upon religion and cult trafficking, and I feel my church missionary experience was not as horrendous and evil as some of my earlier childhood abuse and captivity, is it possible I can at least talk about my spiritual abuse too when I get my sessions with my WEAVE counselor?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, as spirituality represents a significant source of identity and community, what you have described stands out as a painful deception. While we honor all faiths we do not condone these types of exploitative behaviors that can be a manipulation of religion. We encourage you to discuss whatever will best help you heal with your counselor including your experiences with this group. If you need any other support please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952.

Hello, my situation is not that bad just need unbiased advice. I dated this guy for about a year & half on and off. It’s been a very volatile unhealthy relationship. We are both jealous & controlling. I am a 24 yr old female & he’s 37 yr old man. Our relationship began to get physical with me putting my hands on him maybe 3 different times. He never hit back until one time we were out he accused me of flirting with guys & called me a bad name so I pushed his face away & he pushed my face back hard. He immediately left the bar & we broke up. He apologized for putting his hands on me & even bought a trip for us to go to Mexico. I decided to get back with him mostly because I should have never put my hands on him in the first place. Fast forward 8 months we just got back together after being apart for 2 months. He came over we had sex and started working on our relationship again.2 weeks later he came over we has again he goes to throw away the condom and sees another condom in the trashcan ( his condom from 2 weeks ago) & loses it. I told him it was his condom but he pushed me on the bed got on top of me and started slapping me across the face. He even tried to choke me. I pushed him off he was calling me all kinds of names I tried telling him it was his condom he hit me multiple times again … Left Marks on my face. He left he text and said I better not tell the police on him … Since then 2 days have gone by & he has continuously called & text me from random numbers apologizing blaming some medicine he’s taking plus he was drunk. I’m completely done with him but should a restraining order on him? I feel like I don’t know what he’s capable of now & I don’t want to deal with pressing charges. Or for him to think he can get away with this.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am truly sorry that you are going thru this, no one deserves to be hit. I understand how you can feel confused about wanting justice but not wanting to go thru the process of the court system. You have options, you can go to the courthouse and get a restraining order against him, another option is to cut off all communication with him by switching phone numbers, or you can call the authorities and press charges. All of these options can be very stressful, however there are other options that we can discuss with you on our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952. If you feel like you’re in danger at any time please contact emergency services for help. If you need support in any way please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

My boyfriend, who is also the father of my unborn child, got physical with me the other day in front of my son (age 2). I went to the hospital and got checked out and was pressured into filing a report. Once I filed the report they informed me they had contacted DHR. They did a safety plan with me and my sons father bc I don’t want to press charges, so for the time being I only get to see my son during supervised visits, even though I made my boyfriend move out. My boyfriend has never been physical before. I’m torn bc I want my child to have his or her daddy in it’s life, but if that’s going to affect whether or not I get my son back, I don’t want that. I don’t know what to do, and I guess I could just use some advice and guidance.


Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry that your having to go thru this. These situations can be confusing especially when their are children involved. I would recommend calling our 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952 to either talk to someone or get connected with our counseling services. The advice and guidance I can provide on the message board is limited due to not knowing more information.
I am feeling really nervous and afraid about what goes on in Weave counseling appointments. Maybe its just me but the Weave office feels very cold, unfriendly, and clinical with the glass medical office receptions windows and nothing to read but welfare, abuse and rape-related pamphlets and one DIY magazine. The counseling room I was in was so cold and sterile too. The intake counselor was very direct where I guess because of the time it takes I felt rushed and hurried to just get out of there. I have big problems and just don’t understand why it takes weeks to get help. I don’t want to sound snooty or ungrateful but I’m just not doing too well and it hurts to feel I have to wait weeks to get a counselor. If Weave is really not set up to help some of us please just be honest and let me know so maybe I can check with other places to get some help and counseling sooner. Thank you for reaching out to us regarding concerns about your visit to our office.  We are mindful that our clients may sometimes arrive experiencing different levels of distress and our goal is to provide a safe environment while waiting to meet with a counselor.  Our triage sessions are designed to obtain an initial assessment to determine which of our services will best suit a client’s needs.  After a client is enrolled in services, there will be ample time to share issues that are the source of distress.  Our 24 Hour Support & Information Line is always available to offer support if you are feeling the need to talk to someone.  They can also provide any needed referral information. Currently, our wait lists are very low.  Please contact Monica in Client Services at 448.4982 to inquire how soon you can begin accessing counseling services.

I asked my husband of 26 years for a divorce after he had decided to fall back into taking drugs again. I was then told if I went through it he would take me for 1/2 of my wages because he has not worked since 10/2012 and is awaiting his SSI disability. I left the home, due to escalating arguments and threats to financially take me down if I go through with it. I rent my mother’s home, and I pay all of the bills. I allowed him to stay there while I found a place to go, but my living situation is only temporary. The separation has escalated to where my husband has become hostile, and threatening. I filed a restraining order because he decided to stalk me and then approach me, pushing me, in front of others. I requested the court evict him, but they did not grant my request. I am in limbo waiting to get back into my home. If my name is the only one on the lease, and his is not, and he has become hostile towards me, does the owner of the home have grounds for evicting him?

Without a home in NM

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you are stuck in this situation and being uprooted because of it. The laws vary from state to state, our agency is located in Sacramento, Ca however if you call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 they will be able to connect you with resources closer to you. Those agencies may be able to answer your questions regarding legal as well as offer other resources such as case management and counseling.
My ex-wife and I share joint custody of our 10 year old daughter. Mother’s boyfriend beat my ex-wife with our daughter present in the home. My ex continued in the relationship with her boyfriend. When my ex-wife works she allows her boyfriend to babysit our daughter? What can I do to stop this? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry your daughter is in an abusive environment. These situations are always difficult especially when there is a child involved. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards however you have options please contact our 24 hour support line to discuss them at (916) 920-2952.

I need to find the names of the life insurance policies my ex daughter in law took out on my son. See my son was a victim of emotional abuse by his narcissistic wife. She was extremely controlling too. Soon after they were married he started wanting to kill himself. She constantly was bashing and belittling him he would tell me but then finally he put up a wall and she isolated him from family. It was no secret she wanted out of the marriage. Anyways she knew he was suicidal and she took him off his meds. She keep dangling the I’ll leave you if you don’t do as I say. Although he needed to be under a doctor’s care she refused to let him get him. Then finally he came to me and wanted me to help him so I did I got him to emergency room at nearby hospital and he got treatment. Once his wife found out I was helping him she dumped on him told him our marriage is over. Why would she do that when I was helping him? Well then I got the dreadful phone call. My son killed himself . She never shed a tear over it either. I just want to know what policies he had I have a strong feeling she set him up to collect and benefit of his death. There’s lots more details that point at her also. I’m sure there’s at least insurance fraud here. I’m reaching out for the abused men who get overlooked. Thx

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am truly sorry about the death of your child, and the obstacles you are still dealing with. Unfortunately we cannot give any legal advice on our message boards however I would recommend you can call the national suicide prevention hotline at (800) 273-8255 and ask if they are able to connect you with anyone who can give you any legal information, or can point you in the right direction. I am truly sorry I can’t give you more information, if you need to  talk feel free to contact our support line at (916)920-2952.

Hi i’ve never been in a situation like this and i need help… My ex has had domestic charges on him before from previous relationships but he was taking classes and i thought he was getting better then i saw for the first time that side of him the other day because he said i disrespected him cause i wouldn’t get him a glass of water and he just blew up on me i am 3 months pregnant by the way so i left his house that day ever since then he’s been acting like everything is fine and i should get over it but he told me if i wasn’t pregnant that he would of beaten my ass already…and he said that he’s not going to change his ways and that he’s warning me to stay on his good side or he will put hands on me so i broke up with him and blocked him from fb and he just went crazy again i told him we only need to talk about the baby and so he kept texting me all this other stuff and said if i didn’t answer him back he was going to come to my house i told him if he did i would call the cops his response was call the cops i’m not scared to go back to prison i’m not scared of no cops i have a 6 year old little boy from a previous relationship and i’m scared for mine his and my unborn childs safety what do i do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you going thru this with your ex. It is never easy being in a situation where you are worried about the safety of not only yourself but your children. If you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger please contact emergency services. WEAVE as well as other domestic violence agencies offer housing programs that you may be able to qualify for. Please contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 for more information or contact the national domestic violence hotline for a shelter near you at (800) 799-7233.
Hello I’ve been living in a domestic violent relationship for the past 5 years and pay cash rent to my ex boyfriend. He refuses to give me receipts for my payments and takes every penny I make from working. He knows I have nowhere else to go and can’t save any money to move out but keeps threatening to evict me. I don’t know any laws but need legal advice. He has threatened suicide and homicide if i don’t get out. Please Help! What can I do. I live in Connecticut. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry you have had to deal with this situation for so long. WEAVE is located in Sacramento Ca, however there are shelters across the U.S that focus on domestic violence and will be able to provide you with services. To get in contact with a local shelter please call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233.

Hi, I am from Brazil, I met and got married with my husband among 6 months, we fall in love and he dosen’t wanted leave me go back home. But soon that we got married he changed completely and start scary and abuse me. He knew I needed my paperwork done for be able to drive and work. But I was thinking this things was work fast, but was not like that. And he start be mean to me, insulting, humiliating, blaming me for anything. He left me in a strange and dangerous place without phone or car. He start says our marriage was a terrible mistake, and then he avoided me completely, days and days without talk to me. He can be angry for anything, and scary yelling and driving very fast on propose. He touches my intimate parts when I am sleeping, I already wake on middle of night when he did that. He said everything of bad in his life is my fault because we are married. He want me leave the house, but he knows I have nowhere to go, I depend on him for everything. He said he is not gonna file my paperwork, and then if I don’t do what he want he is gonna call the immigration for deport me.

 

I really don’t know what to do. I looking for help, because I feel sick and alone. He knows I am in his hands, because that he does whatever he want with me. This is not fair.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry you feel trapped in this relationship because you have no support, no money, and because of the paperwork. No one deserves to be abused, and I am sorry you’re experiencing this. WEAVE does have a legal department that can answer some of your questions as well as a support line that you can get further information the number is (916) 920-2952.

For 10 years I was abused by my husband. We had a high profile life and he threatened to destroy me if I ever told anyone or left him. Finally I had the guts to have him arrested, he served a year in jail. He was released and fighting me in divorce for the money. During that time I took the help from a man ( I was left homeless with everything I owned moved into storage) during this time. Our relationship ended when the fight began with my ex over money. Apparently this man thought he was going to get everything my money & my storage he claims is his since he made payments on it? is that true? can he take my storage? His true colors were seen when he took the truck back he bought me and started to abuse me. telling me I deserved it for what I did to my husband. can this man leave me homeless and without transportation ( even if I made the same amount of payments as he did on the truck) with no money and threaten me to take my things from storage ?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry to hear about both your past relationship and your current one. unfortunately we cannot give legal information or advice on our message boards however you can call the support line at (916) 920-2952 for support. Or contact our legal department at (916) 319-4944.
My friend has suffered domestic violence from her boyfriend for a couple of years. Together, they have 3 little kids. She decided to leave him by throwing him away from their home, where her parents also live. Her parents do not accept the idea of their separation because of their south american andean culture;they see this things normal. Her Parents believe that a woman should be with the man no matter what. The parents do not care if she get beaten up, instead they approve it and want them to come back. She has heard her father telling her boyfriend to don’t be stupid and don’t hit her in the face, but in her body. She has call police to restrain him from coming to their home and he doesn’t understand .He beated her up again a couple of weeks ago and now with her parent’s authorization she came home from work and found him there in her room. She was surprised and tried to come out of the room and he was trying to abuse her sexually. She screamed and everything for her parents to help her out and ignore her. Finally, she just left her house because she has no support from her parents. She is staying in a hotel room with her 3 kids and her money is running out, what else can she do? She is scared of her parents and the father of her kids. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry to hear your friend is having those responses from her family, however I am glad she has such a good friend to rely on. Your friend is not alone, WEAVE as well as other Domestic Violence shelters, offers a variety of services as well as shelters for individuals like your friend whom have no other options. Depending on the location of your friend she may need resources closer to where she lives, the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 will be able to provide the numbers to domestic violence shelters in her area. Or she can contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 to find out about our services.
Is it abuse If you have a fight with your boyfriend and he throws your stuff on the street with you and your dog and makes you take a cab home 55 miles that costs 220$

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you had to go thru that emotional and costly situation with your boyfriend. It is hard to define abuse however according to the national domestic violence website “Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time.” even though this does not answer your question straight forward, this will allow you to look and see if this definition fits not only the situation that transpired with you being abandoned 55 miles away from home, but in other areas of your relationship. If you would like to talk, please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952.

Hi, I’m 19 and i recently found out that my uncle has been taking pictures of me when I sleep in my underwear. He said he deleted them but I feel so nasty. I don’t know what to do. I wanna talk to somebody but I just can’t. I know he didn’t touch me or anything but i still feel gross. Should I not feel this way cause he didn’t touch me? Am i overreacting?? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you are having to go through this experience. The thoughts and feelings you are experiencing are completely understandable. When an individual feels their personal space has been invaded or violated they can experience an uneasy or “nasty” feeling that seems to consume their everyday lives. You mentioned you don’t have anyone to talk to or any support system, just so you know we have a 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952. Please feel free to contact that number any time to talk or to get set up with our counseling services.  
I was beaten up by my step father in the 80s i had a suspected broken jaw and also when i was 7 months pregnant he punched me in the stomach and i have a right eye which is closed in through this . Also i have been kicked in the back with work boots load of times . I am age 49 now and through all this mainly the beatings in my back i have no feeling on the left side at all . the other injures which i said in the beginning everything was reported to the police but my family did not want me to proceed with the case . but now my health has got worse through the beatings in my back is there anyway i can get him done for this can u help me as my mental state i am having nightmares etc etc and i rang my step father the other night on the phone to ask him a question as i am getting married next year he told me to piss off on the phone . Can u help me thanks . Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question.I am sorry you had to go through those experiences. No one deserves to be abused and this is not your fault. If you are experiencing nightmares and other symptoms due to the trauma you experienced, we have counselors and a 24 hour support line you can contact at (916) 920-2952. Please feel free to contact the support line for any support you may be experiencing.  
So, my brother texted me and threatened to kill his ex wife twice. I still have the texts. She went to file a protective order for her and the kids (cause he is capable of doing this), but they wouldn’t give it to her because it’s hearsay, even though she had snapshots of the conversation. What can she do (or I) to get this to go through on appeal?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry your having to go through this. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards. Please have your ex sister in law contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952, or our legal department at (916)-319-4944 to discuss options.

I was beaten by my boyfriend at a public storage unit we had rented. three employees and one manager witnessed the attack and did nothing I ran to the office and they locked the doors. I was screaming for them to call 911 but they would not. by not letting me in the office and not calling 911 they caused more beating to me. are there charges I can file against the business and/or the employees.


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry that no one helped you that day. Unfortunately we cannot place legal advice on our message boards, however we do have a legal department that will be able to answer your questions. The number for our legal department is (916)-319-4944. If you need to talk to someone, or need other services please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

I live with a man who is abusing me. I have nowhere else to go. I need a protective order but if I get one, what will that mean for me? In other words, I’ll have to leave the house won’t I? That means I’ll be homeless. So there is no solution other than remaining in my abusive situation correct?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE,  I am sorry you feel stuck in your current situation. No one deserves to be abused, and this is not your fault. There are a lot of options out there for you, and every state is different regarding laws and the services available in the communities. Those services range from shelters, job programs, counseling, law, food, and the list continues depending on your county. If you are in sacramento or need to talk please contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your options. If you are outside the county or in a different state please contact the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233, this number will ask you for your city and state, they will then give you the numbers to the domestic violence agencies in your area.

Okay earlier today my dad was driving by my house. He called my daughter names. When the went to bed I had a dream about a ex boyfriend of mine who I had to identify to to cops which I did. Soon after there was a woman across from me n my daughter and her friend saying crazy stuff. Came to us and pointed her figure at my daughter. I told her don’t and she did. I grabbed her by the hair and started beating her up. My daughter friend thought I’d be in trouble, but I wasn’t then I woke up. Was this mean? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, dreams can mean a lot of things and we don’t use dream interpretation so we can’t say what your particular dream means. However it is possible that with the stress of seeing your daughter verbally abused by your father brought up a lot of mixed feelings. If you would like to talk about any conflict or past experiences that may involve domestic violence or sexual assault that you may or may not be working over please feel free to call our 24/7 Support line at (916) 920-2952

Okay so i have been getting threats from my 3 month old fathers girlfriend. Saying i best be ready for a whooping weather or not i have my f***t child in my arms or not.Can i press charges on her for harassment and child endangerment?I literally have not left my house without my fiance because i’m scared i’m going to be holding him or pushing his stroller and she attacks me. And mind you i have done nothing to her or have said anything to her except please leave me and my child alone bye.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I’m sorry you feel trapped in the house because you’re scared for you and your child’s well being. If you ever feel that you or your child are in danger please contact law enforcement. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however please feel free to contact our support line at (916)920-2952 to answer some of your questions and concerns.
I am married to my abusive husband , we have three children and a new home. Two years ago he assaulted me brutally on a business trip. I covered it up but I am a wreck two years later. He has not hurt me since then but I am still afraid most days. I am currently on disability and the my husband is the primary breadwinner in the home. In addition to working , my husband also owns a small business. Everything is in his name, the house, cars business. I want to get out of this situation but I want to remain in my home with my children. My questions are: What happens if I am completely honest about the violence, about marital rape? What happens if I get a restraining order? Will this affect his employment? How can I get help with getting a divorce with no real money of my own? Can I make him leave the house? What about the bills ? The only reason I remain here is finances, I want out. I am resident of New Hampshire. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry that you feel stuck due to financial reasons. Unfortunately we cannot put Legal advice on our Message Boards, and the laws vary from state to state. The resources WEAVE has are primarily in Sacramento, Ca However there is a Domestic Violence hotline that you can call to get resources in New Hampshire (800) 799-7233.
I had a pfa dismissed and the policeman got mad that I did this and contacted my sister and told her before I got to tell my family. Is that allowed? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry the police officer informed your family before you had the chance too. when you say you had a pfa dismissed are you referring to a Protection From Abuse order? Unfortunately without more information I cannot answer this question. Please feel free to contact our support line at (916) 920-2952 for more information.  

I am running from my husband who has a past of being physically abusive, he still remains mentally and emotionally abusive. He threatened me and said if I leave he will slit my throat from ear to ear, he’s always threatening to physically hurt me and do to the seriousness of the abuse in the past I believe he will fall through with it. He is now mentally abusing and bullying my children, he tells my son he’s gonna knock him out and try him like the bitch he is. My son deals with major anxiety attacks. I have had to escape and flee back home from Hawaii to Sacramento where two of my kids were born and where I was born and raised. I feel like I have to get as far away from his as possible because I fear for mine and my kids safety and really feel like he will kill me. He has kept me from working the last two years, doesn’t give me access to any money. So I don’t have any money and know support from family and friends. I want to start a new life for me and my kids but know that when I go back to California I’m going to have to hide because he is from there as well and he will send friends and family to hurt me or take my kids. I know he’s gonna come looking for me and if he finds me he will either hurt me or kill me or hurt my kids. My kids are ages 14, 15 and 2. My kids are so scared and fear for their safety as well. What options and resources do I have. We will be homeless?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! I am sorry you and your children are going thru this experience. Fortunately there are a lot of options out there for you and your children. There is a National Domestic Violence hotline (800) 799-7233, if you contact this number they can give you the resources in whatever city you choose to reside in. If you or your children are in immediate danger please contact the authorities ASAP. If you have more questions or need additional support please contact our support line at (916) 920-2952.

I lived in an abusive marriage. We had 2 children together. We were married for 20 years. He was mentally, verbally abusive and did rape me. We went through a very ugly divorce. He abused the system by harassing me with continually filing motions. Many which were not justified. I had to go to the Sacramento court to counteract all that! I went through Anxiety and had to be treated and went into counseling because of the abuse during the marriage and the court actions. It was Hell! The divorce has been final for 5 years. But, we were still going through division of community property for years after. That is done now, but I have heard from my Attorney who won’t be representing me anymore since our case is over. He said that my Ex wants to continue filing motions. I can’t go through all that again. At one point of the process, I had to have my Dr. excuse me. We went through the courts for 3 years or more. My question is I cannot afford an attorney to represent me. I can’t go through the courts again! I cannot handle it! What can I do to stop him? Or not have to show up at all. I did temporarily have a restraining order against him during the divorce. His attorney doesn’t care about not filing motions as he is getting paid. And, he has treated me rotten in the court proceedings also. Please tell me what I can do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry for everything you have been experiencing. Unfortunately I am unable to provide the legal advice you are seeking on these message board, but you can contact our legal department with your questions and concerns. There number is 916-440-6797, they may be able to provide the assistance you are looking for.

Im 26 yrs old from NJ and my bf has gotten physical with me on 2 occasions and both occasions he was drunk. I’ve since come to the conclusion that he had/has a drinking problem. The first time was about 1 yr and 9 months ago & he choked me up against the wall but someone that was there intervened and stopped it. I almost broke up with him and should have then but we had never fought that bad and i felt in my heart that he would never do it again. I didn’t make it easy for him and we were not living together at that point so it was easier to kind of “heal” if you will. The second time was 5 months later and he broke a ceramic plate on my face causing me a partial broken jaw, missing teeth, and thousands of dollars in repetative surgeries. I don’t know why but i had seriously believed it was an accident (he “threw the plate to scare me and didn’t mean to hit me”) In my heart of hearts i figured that this guy needs some serious help and i wanted to be the one to help him through it. So I decided for me to help him I was going to move in with him. We have been living together ever since, he hasn’t gotten physical again but it was a tough battle getting him to stop drinking because that was obviously when he lost all self control. Instead he has resorted to mental abuse. I had to delete all of my social medias (including my business promo page) yet he has every single account on the web, instagram, facebook, snapchat, twitter, whatsApp. I cant go even go to my hometown to see my family without him throwing accusations that im going there to cheat on him. Im apparently supposed to be a rude b****h to every guy in the world. If i take too long to do something or go somewhere, he leaves without me. If i don’t drop whatever im doing to tend to him when he says so, im useless. People who used to know me (friends he made me leave behind) will tell you they know me as strong minded, outgoing, independent, outspoken and confident. Now, i don’t feel that i’m any of those things. I feel like i’m losing myself and i can’t take it anymore. I can’t talk to him because when i tell him, hey i feel like you’re not being fair to me when you call names and it’s not right that you condescend me about everything. He will just reply with “well i don’t like when you etc. etc.” so it turns into a petty back and forth we get nowhere. I have seriously thought about leaving him and moving out but i cannot afford it so i’m basically stuck in this endless cycle and i don’t know how to get out of it. Recently i let him know that i am not happy and i don’t see this working out, and of course, he makes me feel guilty and like its all my fault and I have to work on changing even more things than he has already made me change, but he doesn’t have to change anything. I know i need to get out, what suggestions can you give me to do this so that i’m not homeless. Even if he moves out I can’t afford the rent on my own.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am truly sorry your going thru this with your boyfriend. Your safety is very important, if you feel like you’re in danger please contact Law Enforcement. We do have a legal department that may be able to assist you with any tenant issues. We also can provide you with a vast amount of resources to assist you from not becoming homeless.  If you wish to talk more about your situation and the resources available to you please call our support line at (916) 920-2952.

My ex husband assaulted me and on the final assault he was arrested and charged. His family has a lot of money and paid good lawyers to prevent him going to jail. We share a son together and he keeps taking me back to court. After years of battling and not knowing what I was doing in court I decided to settle and gave up a lot of my rights to my son. He now has him plus his older son full time (whose mother also told me was abused by him). I miss my baby boy so much. Now my husband is remarried and he refuses to let me meet his wife who is basically raising my son. They live a 24 hour drive away from me and I’m on disability due to also having gone through cancer. He used my cancer and mild clinical anxiety and depression against me in court. He litigated me for years. Now he is taking me back. I’m afraid he is going to try to get his wife to adopt my son…which is what he tried to do with me and his first son when we were married. He told me he wanted me to adopt him because he wanted revenge against his first son’s mom. Now I’m scared he will do this to me and possibly succeed. He spent hundreds of thousands on his lawyer to get the results he did in court. He refuses to let me speak to my son now and won’t help pay for him to come see me. He won’t even give me an outline of dates I can see my son. I wish I never told anyone he was assaulting me and had just calmly left the situation… now he is so angry and seems to be only into cutting me down to nothing. I can’t work and am so stressed from all he keeps putting me through. I haven’t even had a relationship since I left in 2012. I’m so scared he will find out. I don’t know how to make him stop bothering me. Can I ask for a cease and desist order in court? I’ve been going to court with him for 4 years and I’m so tired. I have two other kids and I just want my life back. Is he allowed to just take my son like this and not allow me to talk to him or see him? It’s been over a month since I’ve seen him at all. I am not a criminal, don’t have a criminal record and I am diplomatic with him whenever we speak. I don’t have money for a lawyer and my experience with legal aid was terrible. The lawyers don’t seem to have enough experience to go up against him and the high paid lawyers he can afford. I feel like I can’t live with missing out on my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry you’ve had such a long battle with the court system, as well as your health. We cannot provide any legal information on our message boards, However feel free to call our support line at 916-920-2952 to discuss your situation further.
Does WEAVE reference, mention, advise, or encourage people to attend 12-Step group meetings? I’ve been attending 12-Step to get a better understanding of my abuse. I hear mentioned in 12-Step meetings “We are only as sick as our secrets.” Yes or no, in your viewpoint, is that true? A woman I had confided I was feeling suicidal and some of my abuse told all the gory tales of what I had told her to all my family (even my two elementary-age children), all her family (even distant relatives), all the neighbors on my street, all my close friends, and everyone else she could think of because a hotline counselor had said my abuse was a something that needed to be brought out into the open. She divulging deeply personal information she had promised to hold confidential was part of why we severed our relationship. 12-Step also talks about the “inner child” and “adult child” in all of us. I have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. Is this “child” concept something you hear commonly referred to at WEAVE or outside of 12-Step? I hear in 12-Step meetings 12-Step proclaims to not be an organized religion; but really, what isn’t religious about their meetings? There are prayers, requests for services, shares of people talking to serve god and higher power, “spiritual awakenings”(whatever that is), readings, and other mantra. They even pass around an offering plate and the meetings close with everyone holding hands and having us say the lord’s prayer or some other prayer together. Do you think 12-Step claiming to not be a religious group is a bit disingenuous? I’m writing not to beat up on 12-Step (maybe it works for some people) or put you on the spot, but I just don’t understand why psychologists who address abuse treatment encouraged me to attend 12-Step other than in some vague attempt to get me to believe in an imaginary god. I recognize psychologists are just people too, where one wanted me to become an Amway distributor to work under her to speed up my recovery. (I declined.) Is spirituality helpful or required to recover from abuse? I’m atheist so if I need to believe in spirituality to get better I may as well just call it quits.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! I am sorry that you are experiencing this inner conflict regarding the notion that you must embrace religion in order to continue on the pathway to recovery. A 12-step program is built upon the premise that you are not alone. By incorporating religion into their program model the participants can turn to that religious figure 24 hours a day and feel supported. The pathway to recovery is different for every individual; some embrace religion others will embrace family, friends, sports, or even themselves. If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My roommate (my EX husband) us mentally abusing me yelling at me leaving the door open when i asked him nicely not to to it disturbs me he put the oven on 400 shut all doors didn’t turn on cooler i was sleeping while he was baking me! He won’t let me sleep & he won’t clean up after himself. I’m ready to have a nervous break down he harrassed all day in front of our 4 yr old granddaughter she was scarred & upset the whole day!. I want him to realize that he is a heartless person I don’t want to move but will NOT pay rent again to live with someone who feels free to mentally abuse me! I want him to leave be much easier for him to move but he won’t leave unless I do!. I feel as a roommate I have a right to a safe quite place to live. Is my only option out of this for me to move? Or can I get him out somehow?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this with your roommate. You do deserve to have a safe quiet place to live. If you feel that you are in danger living there with your roommate, you may be able to get a restraining order. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk more about your situation and what your options are. 

My boyfriend/ then fiancé moved into my home in January 2016. He has blacked my eye 3 time and slung me around pushed me down and this past week he punched me in the chin so hard I still have a knot and I took pictures every time! He gets his two kids for a week every other week and still goes to court after 5 years of divorce! I’m afraid he will kill me if I go to the police and he loses his kids! I need these people out of my house! How can I legally do that without getting killed? I live in the state of NC! Any advise you can provide would be great! Trying to stay calm and stay low until I have a plan!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry that you have been experiencing this abuse and are afraid to contact the police for help. We cannot provide any legal information on our message boards. However it sounds like you need a safe place to stay while you take legal action to avoid repercussion. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to find an organization near you that may be able to provide the assistance you are looking for. 

I am afraid that my ex husbands fiancé has gone to a domestic violence center, but she is afraid of him so she won’t come forward and press charges. I am afraid for my children. Is there anyway through the court system we can get that information that she has been seeking help to help my children and her?

If you feel that your ex husband’s fiancee or your children are in danger, please call 911. Unfortunately we cannot provide any legal information on our message boards. However, you can encourage her to call our Support Line and talk about her situation and we may be able to provide some guidance and assistance for her. Thank you for advocating for her and your children to get some help. Our Support Line number is 916-920-2952

My wife was arrested for spitting on me but I don’t want her in jail

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Without more information, it is difficult for us to provide the services you are looking for. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate about your situation. 

Hi. I’m 16 and two days ago I went to a party and got pretty drunk. I also tried weed for the first time, which wasn’t a good idea in hindsight because of what happened, but I did it anyway. This guy that I’ve been friends with for a long time started to ask me if I wanted to make out, make his ex jealous, and I kept saying no. Eventually he stopped for a little bit and we sat down, him next to me. He touched my boob and I told him to stop but because I was so high and drunk I didn’t do anything else about it. He did this three or four times until he finally said “sorry, that one was an accident” and ran his hand along my side getting reeeeaaaallllyy close to my vagina. I thought it was over until he started rubbing my thigh and I told him to stop but he didn’t? Eventually a girl at the party saw and made him stop but I’m really scared at what could have happened if she hadn’t. He denied it all the next morning, that it was an accident that he didn’t touch me, but I don’t know what to do. I feel dirty and gross like it was my fault for not moving away from him after he did it. Is it? I just want to know if it’s sexual assault or if I’m overreacting, which is very probable. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. I’m sorry that he continued to touch you and make you uncomfortable after you said no. None of this is your fault, and it doesn’t matter if you were under the influence of alcohol or weed. You did not consent to this, and you cannot consent if you are intoxicated. It is normal to dirty and gross after an experience like this. This is considered sexual assault as it was touching of a sexual manner without your consent. WEAVE offers free counseling, if that is something that you are interested in. If you would like to learn more about this service or talk with an experienced advocate about what you are going through, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I went to the court to seek help. In my final protective order I asked the Judge to put my abuser out of our apartment. Because I admitted to breaking his tv and a gaming system she implied there was violence on both sides. He told the judge he has nowhere else to go and because he was smart enough to get an updated lease without my signature the judge put ME out. Now I’m homeless!!!!!???? What do I do? I’m a legal co-tenant in the unit and it is a HUD unit. I thought VAWA protected victims rights.

I just want to go home. I have nowhere else to go.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. This seems to be a very stressful situation, and your safety is very important. We do have a legal department that may be able to assist with your tenant issues. We also have case management and advocates that can help with housing and accompany you to court. To learn more about these resources, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

My roommate and I have not been getting along for awhile. She screams, slams doors, ect. It continuously escalates. Since we are on a month to month lease and our landlord is her family friend, I have received a notice to vacate. I found a place and will be out before the end of my notice. However, in the meantime, she has harassed me-calling, texting, screaming in my face, making physical threats to beat my ass, hurt my animals, destroy my things and even proceeded to shove me into a door to “wipe the smile off my face.” She’s trying to push me to move out sooner-unfortunately I don’t have that ability right now-I am able to move into my new place in a few weeks. What are my rights here? How do I ensure my safety, the safety of my things and my pets? My landlord had placed locks on our doors for our stuff but my roommate claims that she received a key to my room from the landlord and can come in at anytime to hurt my animals or my things. Can I be protected until I am able to move?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like you are experiencing a very stressful situation while trying to move out. Yours and your pet’s safety is of utmost importance. If you are in danger, please call 911. Do you have any friends or family that you can stay with until you move in to your new place? We cannot provide legal information on these message boards, but I can refer you to McGeorge School of Law, and they may be able to help with tenant/ landlord issues and provide more guidance. Their phone number is 916-340-6080. You can also contact us on our Support Line 916-920-2952 if you need more support and referrals. 

I filed charges against my abuser. 
The same day he was able to get my case number from a police officer.

Is that legal?

We cannot provide legal advice on our message boards. You may be able to call the Police Department you filed the report with and ask about what information they can give out. If you are in Sacramento County and needing legal assistance, WEAVE has a legal department you can connect with. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more about our services. 

Is there an online schedule of group counseling meeting times/locations?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We do not have our group counseling times on our website as they are subject to change. To start group counseling, please go to our Free Walk-in Triage that we host every week. Our Triage times and locations are on our Website (weaveinc.org) under the Services and Counseling section. You can also contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 for this information. 

I would like to know in florida if I got arrested (turned myself in) for domestic battery but when I went to the advisory hearing in jail and my girlfriend came to the hearing and told the judge that this was bad mistake and that I did not hurt her ( I did not) in anyway and that she is not afraid of me and that she wanted me to come home. the judge asked D.A. lady if she had a problem with that and she said no and so I was released on ror with supervisor condition. my question is will the state still charge me. I have not yet talked to a public defender yet.

WEAVE is a local organization that provides services to Sacramento County. Unfortunately we do not provide legal advice on our message boards. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, to get connected with a domestic violence organization that is near you. They can provide assistance in your jurisdiction. 

im not sure if this is considered domestic violence. but my girlfriend of almost 2 years, her ex girlfriend is showing up places and attacking me, soliciting other people to attack me. she showed at my house on 3 different occasioning and attacked me. the last time she called 12 people over to my house and they jumped me and while her nephew held me down she tried to pour bleach in my face. my girlfriend had to pull a weapon to get everyone to leave. i want to file for a restraining order but i dont know if this is considered domestic or civil? plus this woman has a right to be at my house because she is my girlfriends chore worker. i am afraid that the situation is a kill or be killed type of thing. please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like you have been in a very difficult situation and it is very brave of you to reach out for support. We would encourage you to contact law enforcement regarding your situation and to discuss filing a restraining order with them. There are often additional legal services available to you at your local courthouse to assist you in filing your restraining order. Please feel free to contact the WEAVE hotline for additional support at (916)920-2952.

I cheated on my girlfriend with this trashy girl. My girl kicked me out and I started seeing the trashy girl. Well one night she started attacking me and I pushed her off. She called the police and I went to jail and she got a protective order. So she kept calling and calling and I went to see her. She got mad because I told her I loved my girlfriend. Then she called the police. I went back to jail (violating the order) I know I’m an idiot for cheating and im
an idiot for continuing to see her. But while in jail she stole my phone got into my emails and used it without permission what can I do if anything?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. If this person has been using your phone and email without your permission, changing the passwords on these may be a good option for you. You may also be able to get a lock on your phone so that she cannot get in to it. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice through the message boards. If you would like to talk more about your situation, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I have a domestic violence restraining order against the father of my kids. The court has ordered us to use our family wizard to communicate about the exchanges of my kids and any important information about their wellbeing. He keeps accusing me of harassment because I keep stating the abusive things he did to me in the past and why I don’t believe or trust him now. He also won’t let me meet his new girlfriend so that I can feel more comfortable with her being around my kids, after I authorized her to be a monitor during his parenting time. How can I make his girlfriend meet me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am unable to provide the legal advice you are seeking on these message boards, but you can contact our legal department. The phone number is 916-440-6797, and they may be able to provide the assistance you are looking for. 

I’m scared my boyfriend want to kick him out of the house he is not on the lease I live in Oregon how do I do that and do I have legal rights in does he

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Because we serve mainly residents of Sacramento County, it may be best that you contact your local domestic violence shelter with these questions. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-322 and they can get you connected with an organization that can provide some legal support.

My ex boyfriend has mentally abused me for years, making me feel bad for going out with my friends, telling me I’m a bad mom, no one is going to love me like he loves me, when I tried breaking up with him he says he can’t live without me and will kill himself and makes me feel guilty.. 

This weekend we had a fight about not being together and things got physical, this wasn’t the first time it got physical but, it was the first time I was really scared.. Now he’s in jail and might be doing serious time because the same day I got an order of protection he violated it, and I’m sitting here crying feeling bad.. Is this normal? Am I going crazy?!

Your reactions to this situation are normal. Although he abused you for years, this does not mean that you do not care about him. It was very brave for you to get a protection order against him, despite how difficult he made it for you to leave him. Making the decision to leave someone you care about for your own safety is not easy, and feeling bad can be part of that reaction. It is important to pay attention to those feelings and get help to process them. WEAVE offers counseling to survivors of domestic violence. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more and talk with an experienced advocate

My “boyfriend” and I have a 6 month old baby. We’re constabtly fighting. He’ll get mad and put her on the ground to yell at me or hurt me.
He’s kicked me, smacked me, pulled me by my hair, held knives up to me, chocked me, trapped me in the house. 
It’s almost everyday.
I’ve tried leaving to my dads and grabdmas but he finds me and forces his way in and takes me and her back. He said next time I leave or if I try to call the cops, he’ll kill me 
I don’t have a lot of proof, but planning on running away with our daughter without telling anyone in fear he’ll follow. 
My biggest worry is him using the legal system to get her back or to find us. Is there anyway I can prevent that? Can I keep him away without proof of what’s beens happening?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your and your baby’s safety is of utmost importance.  I’m glad that you are planning your escape from your abuser, and I’m sorry that you haven’t found safety yet. WEAVE offers safe housing for survivors of domestic violence at a confidential location. Please call our Support Line to learn more about this program (916-920-2952). Also, if you are planning on leaving with your baby and are worried that your abuser will try to report your child kidnapped, you can fill out a Good Cause notification online. Our support line advocates can also provide more info about this. 

My mother-in-law lives in another state but verbally threatens me over the phone that if something happens with my husband’s Health that she will have her relatives come after me and they live in the same state as me what can I do as far as restraining order

Have you considered changing your phone number or blocking her number? Please contact our Legal department about your restraining order questions. Their phone number is 916-440-6797. If you would like to talk more about your situation and other services we provide, you can also call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

My sons father is incarcerated and when i was with him i went through domestic violence but i was scared to report it. My sons father’s mother got temporary custody of him and i want him back. Can i use domestic voilence when we go to court or not since i never filed a report?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We cannot give legal advice on these message boards, but please contact our Legal Department with these questions so we can assist you. The legal number is 916-440-6797 and you can also call our Support Line 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate about our other services.

Edited for length:

I’m not even sure where to start… My current roommate and I have been living together for years and it came about when his former landlord and roommate, passed away suddenly while I was staying with them. We realized my roommate had been drinking.

The drinking continued to become more and more of an issue. It got to the point that I was chasing him outside wearing only his boxers in the middle of winter and at one point he even came into my sleeping area, completely naked and sat on my bed refusing to leave!

I’m female and have survived tremendous trauma in my past. What he was doing put me off heavily, and I talked with him again and again since we’d been friends for years before this all started happening. I thought he had stopped drinking, or severely cut back on it and made it more social than hiding in his ‘room’ and drinking.

Our new apartment was bigger, I got my own room (whereas I slept in the living room before) and initially things seemed really great. After a bit, I started noticing some really gross habits. He would pee in the kitchen and bathroom sinks and the back yard.

At one point, with my health having gotten really worrying, and the tension with my roommate, my dog was sick and needed to go to the vet and he said he’d help me pay for it. He had to work that evening and if he kept putting it off, he wouldn’t make it to the bank before he had to go. Well, it turned into a fight, and I accused him of not wanting to spend his alcohol money to help my dog.. I was angry, y’know a lot of other family issues which just stacked on top of the problems I was having with him). He used the fact I was sick, taking medicine and on government money against me and I snapped… In my entire adult life, I have never been physically violent with anyone, and I blacked out and punched him. He got me arrested. Monday night I ended up extremely sick as well… But to add salt to the wound, my dog had gotten loose while I was in jail, and had it not been for a family finding him and trying to care for him since he was /still sick/ I would have probably lost him. They found my number through his tags thankfully, and I was able to get him home.

I’ve been finding the front door unlocked when I know I distinctly left it locked, I’ve been finding the lights left on in the bathroom and toilet seat lid up (a minor gripe compared to others) and he swears I must have done it because he doesn’t remember going into the bathroom.

It makes me worry what else he’s doing! And I’m in a financial situation that I can’t afford to find a new roommate because I’m not working and only getting enough from the state to barely survive month to month, and the programs for elderly or disabled people (I also have mental disabilities which I’m on medicine for) are closed, and have a huge waiting list.. And subsidized apartments make me weary because I’m not sure if I’ll have more to deal with like people blaring their music, and the pot smoking which makes me sick, despite getting away from my current roommate.

He has ruined our friendship.. and I’m just… not sure what to do anymore… I’ve self harmed to try to relieve some of the stress.. I don’t want to keep living like this.. The fear of him doing something after drinking, which he does nightly I’m almost certain, just keeps getting worse. I know I could fight him off, but I don’t want to have to worry about that. No I don’t have family I can stay with.. no local friends as I’m generally reclusive so I don’t physically socialize much. All of my friends are basically online and out of the state.

What do I do? What /can/ I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry for everything that you are experiencing. It seems as though you really care about your roommate, but this relationship with him is toxic to your own well-being. Unfortunately, there is no way for you to change this person and you can only control your own reactions to this situation. I’m glad that you have your dog for support, and that you are seeing a counselor. It is very understandable to be frustrated and stressed about what you are going through. There may be housing options for you out there, please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 and we may be able to help you come up with a solution. 

I wanted to cuddle my toddler to sleep downstairs tonight. My husband didn’t want him to fall asleep downstairs, so he prized my arms and took my son from my arms. I didn’t resist too much as I didn’t want to frighten my son. Is this abuse?

Without more information, it is hard to say if this is abuse.  Things to consider are whether this is a repeated action, If this caused physical and emotional harm, and what the context was. It does seem that this situation made you uncomfortable, which may be something to communicate with your husband about. If you would like to talk more about this with an advocate, please call our Support line at 916-920-2952.

My ex boyfriend is trying to sue me over his lawyer fees after he went to court For assaulting me. Can he do this? its a Minnesota case and the state pressed the charges

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I would not be able to give advice on legal matters, however I would refer you to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224. They should get you in touch with a local agency that can address your legal questions. 

I am goong through Divorce with three minor kids and my ex husband is very verbally abusive but has a cop as a best friend who says that if he touch me slaps my body and it doesnt leave a mark it will never hold the charges as long as he makes the same vlaims of me being violent back with no matka on his skin. He always say “it will never hold up, here go on call the cops.you grabbed my privates and rapped me or did you force me to kiss you. Dumbass bitch you cant report what I contest and there isnt any proof!” Is he right?? I have told my attorney doing the divoce he said I have to get a report but if he is making the same claims how will my accusations hold? He does have a felony for domestic violence that he was to lazy to get removed from his records it happened the year we married. I tried to leave but reluctantly he always gets me pltrapped by kids or money or injuries me to the point if being to scared to leave. He makes me so angry I freeze up and feel like a helpless child locked in a cage.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and it can be very hard to leave any relationship, let alone an abusive one. I am not a legal advocate, so I would not be able to give advice on whether your accusations will hold. WEAVE has a legal department though that may be able to assist with your situation. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information about this program. 

For over 3yrs, my son’s father has been getting angier during disagreements (hitting walls furniture, stopping me from leaving by taking my cell or yelling in my face backing me into wall corners or keeping in bedroom separate from son) Since last April 2015, has pushed shoved and restrained me by the wrist and arm. When I say stop he doesnt. He only does if I give in by shutting up…say i will call for help. This summer, I called 911 because he pulled me down hall then shoved me into out bedroom away from my son (luckily cell was in there charging). I have never been raped or beaten but we never know when he will lise hus temper at home or public. HELP Is this abuse???? If so, I am a caretaker for our son who is Autistic and a toddler…I can not work right now and have NO money so how do I leave asap?

Very tired scared!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. You are experiencing domestic violence with your son’s father. Abuse is more than being raped and beaten. It seems as though you have experienced both physical and emotional abuse. There is help for you out there, and maybe a Safehouse would be a good place for you and your son to escape to until you are able to get on your feet. To learn more about our Safehouse or talk about other options you might have, please contact our Support Line 916-920-2952.

i got in trouble and when i left my room to go to the bathroom they yelled at me, so i peed in a water bottle in my room, my stepdad found said bottle today and poured it on my bed, he has also taken things i bought with my own money and thrown them away, attacked me and threatened me,should i call the cops? the assault was over a year ago but everything else is recent

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. What you are experiencing is domestic violence.  If you feel you are in danger and your stepdad is hurting you, please call 911. You do not deserve to be treated this way and I’m sorry that you have been assaulted. Please call our support line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk more about your situation. 

I have a big sister who has a husband he treats in a horrible way.He makes me lose my self esteem he also sits on me like he doesn’t care.He starts fights with me then my sister joins along and breaks my stuff I tell then to stop and they don’t listen help me I’m 12 they make me cry everyday I dont do anything because he also bites me sometimes

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and that your sister isn’t supporting you. Do you have any trusted adults that you can tell about this? You do not deserve to be treated this way. Please call our support line if you need some more support at 9169202952

My daughter is married with a 5 year old and lives in a different state from us (were in FL, they are in SC), he mentally and verbally abuses her and almost gets to the point of hitting and now its in front of the baby. She wants to leave but has no money, no transportation, no family in SC what can we do? If she leaves and takes the 5 year old with her to Florida with her family or, is this illegal. We of course would start filing for custody and divorce in SC. Her threatens her everyday with taking the baby and throwing her out.

Thank you for advocating for your daughter during this hard time. WEAVE typically only provides services to Sacramento County residents, but I would encourage you to reach out to local domestic violence agencies in South Carolina. They can give you more information about what services they can provide to your daughter and help her make a safety plan for when she leaves with her child. Please contact either the National Domestic Violence hotline at 18007997233 or our support line at 9169202952 so we can get you connected with the right agency for your daughter.

I left my abusive marriage one year ago… He promised if I left I left with none of my belongings money and he would make sure I never got a dime.. So for last year he made sure I’m broke and homeless. Everytime I step one foot ahead he screws it up now my family support group has decided it’s been a year I should be working full time n living in a place times up so they turned there backs and said don’t call us. Now I was stay at home mom so I have no skills I went on a few interviews

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I’m sorry that your abuser has made it so difficult for you to move on and start a new life. It sounds like you might need some support getting back on your feet. WEAVE offers case management and legal services that might be able to help. Please call our support line at 916-920-2952, to learn more.

I am bedridden due to a 1999 back injury that put me in a wheelchair and has gotten much worse over the last 17 years, partly because I had to do things my doctor told me not to do but I had to care for his children when he went out of town several times each month for several days at a time. In 2008 we had a home fire where I was left home alone but fighting the obstacles I managed to crawl out under the flames in -16 degrees snowy weather (without my wheelchair as it was blocked in from stuff stacked behind the doors so they did not open wide enough). The aftermath stress was pretty high and really took a toll on my physical and mental health. my husband does not hit me but he has destroyed personal property, withholds food, and ruined my car and then forced me to sign it over to him and he used it as a trade in and bought an expensive car we really cannot afford and expects me to pay for it out of my disability. He does not allow me to go anywhere without him and refuses to leave the car home when he goes out with his buddies. I have never made it hard for him to use my car even when mine was the only serviceable vehicle. A year ago he left me alone for a week while he went to stay with his dad. Before he got this car he would take mine I brought with me to the marriage leaving me with no way to go anywhere, even to the doctor and I had to cancel numerous appointments and physical therapy. I have only left the house about 10 times in the last year for appointments but I am not allowed to go anywhere by myself and certainly never allowed to even use the car that I am contributing finances to. But, he does not hit me at all.

I have an unspecified brain deterioration and an abdominal aortic aneurysm, both are being monitored. I have to schedule my appointments well in advance now because he refused to allow me to see the vascular surgeon for 18 months a year ago. I see her now every 6 months for an ultrasound to monitor it. I am just so tired to being treated like I am worthless once the kids grew up and left home he had no more need for me except to take my disability as his own because he said I am not allowed to have ‘personal’ property it is all his because we are married. He is a government worker so I fee very threatened because he is well known where he works and nobody knows me at all after we moved from home. Of course he is nice to others at work but not at home and with not being allowed to go anywhere I am unable to meet people let alone make friends.

During one argument he slammed my arm in the refrigerator door and I reacted and smacked him so I am the guilty party so I feel like I am sentenced to life with this person. I just wish I would hurry up and die (I do have 2 life threatening conditions) because I don’t know how much more I can take of this.

I don’t know if anyone can help because of my physical condition and mobility issues.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You are very brave and truly a survivor. I am so sorry that your husband takes advantage of you and does not treat you with the respect you deserve. You have a life worth living and it sounds like you’re ready to take the next steps in this situation. You may benefit from legal assistance, as well as counseling for some of your traumatic experiences. Although he has not hit you, you are experiencing abuse and there is help for you. Please contact our support line 916-920-2952 for more information about our services and other resources.

My husband has been beating me for years and the beatings are escalating very bad. He doesn’t hold back at all… I’m afraid to call the police because I have a warrant from another state that is 16 years old. Will they arrest me to ?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Your safety is of utmost importance. Unfortunately I am unable to give legal advice, but you can call the Victims of Crime Resource Center to ask questions about your warrant and what your options could be. Their phone number is 1-800-842-8467. 

hi,my boyfreind of 14years has a gun lisence and carries at least 1 usually more on him at all times.He is also taking testosterone injections but wont take the other pill the doctor told him to take because he doesnt like the way it makes him fee.he is so out of control with anger and has violent rages.he has been physically abusive to me broken nose,torn cartlidge in my chest,tried to break my arm,and kicked the front door shut on my hand,of course breaking it.i am 53 and on mental disability aand im afraid so afraid that hes going to do what he said hes gonna do.kill me.he has no remorse and on daily basis tells me to get the f…out but hes all i have in this life and i need helpsomeone should teach him a lesson.like take away his right to have guns thank you for letting me find yall

If you are in danger, or experience physical abuse again please contact 911. It sounds like you are in need of a safe place to stay where he can’t find you. You do not deserve this treatment and he has no reason to hurt you this way. You are very brave to reach out for help, please call our 24 hour Support Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk about what your options are and create a safety plan. 

I’m overwhelmed and at a loss and DMV will be my breaking point. I left abusive marriage one year ago I am on assistance and live in my car. Welfare approved food stamps but not cash aid because I own my car .. I have no money! I walked in to store to get my spousal support which is wired – store refused to give to me I was told my license expired. O didn’t any mail or renewal info but my ex keeps changing my mail to his house.
So in last week I started calling and found out yes license is expired. A fix it ticket I got for registration last year and had signed off and went to courthouse where officer asked before I went through metal detector why I was there today, I said turning a fix it ticket which I fixed he told oh u don’t go there see that box outside as long as there is no cash just stick it in there – I did. Somehow now they say they never got I have a triple fee n possible warrant because fix it or not I guess u still have to show in court . My registration will expire next month no way to pay n I have no insurance ex canceled when I left n he knows I don’t have a job so can’t pay – so my home being my car is at risk everyday. If I get pulled over it will be impounded I will go to jail (which scared to death never thought that) n I will get out and have no car no personal affects just me. I’m 50 and I’m to old n not equipped to make it out there. I don’t know where to begin fixing if I even can! Please help I already lost everything I regret leaving.. I don’t want to go back but I don’t see an option. Hell vs hell… It should never be this hard to leave a domestic violent relationship maybe that’s why it took me over 9 years to go!

Help help and what other help can I find

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a very frustrating time. The Victim Compensation Board might be a good option for you. They may be able to assist with your financial needs, as you are a survivor of domestic violence. You were very brave to leave your abuser, despite all of the hardships you have encountered since. To learn more about the Cal VCB program, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

This girl refused to get out of my car after about a hr and a half of yelling at me over and over. I ask her over and over to get out and go in her place but she doesn’t. So I get out and attempt to pick her up out the car so I can leave but she starts grabbing things to hold onto. So I grab her by her waist and pull her out and she cuts her leg and finger. Is that domestic violence on my end

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Without more information, we are unable speculate on your situation. If you would like to talk more about what is going on and ask more questions, please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952

My brother is in a tough relationship he has 10 month old baby with his girlfriend she has an 11 yr old son from someone else. The woman is very unstable. On several occasions she has tried to kill herself and she physically abuses my brother. He feels that the kids are in an unsafe environment but he is worried that if takes both kids out she’ll report him for kidnapping her son. Is this a possibility?

If your brother is escaping domestic violence with the children then he can fill out a Good Cause Notification on the DA’s website. As for her son, has your brother tried calling the police and telling them about the situation? Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk more about options for your family. 

My 19 year old daughter lives at home and has a job. She will attend college in August. She has a family that loves her and will keep her safe. Basically safe options to get out of this abusive relationship she is in. She finally admitted to a peer about the abuse but not to me. I’ve talked to her, told her I will do everything to protect her, that there is nothing she could tell me that would make me believe she deserves this treatment. BUT she keeps dating this guy. He has no job, no education, no goals…So there is nothing tying her to him, no excuse. Could she possibly like this treatment? She has never seen abuse at home and has a loving extended family. I can’t hold her hostage or follow her 24/7. I don’t know how to be ok with her accepting this type of treatment. Please advise me what I can do to help her see the light!!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It can be very difficult to watch someone you love be abused in their relationship. No one deserves to be abused. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships; unfortunately we cannot make people leave their abusers. That decision is their own. However we can provide resources for them to leave when they are ready. You can give her our 24 hour Support Line number (916-920-2952) and encourage her to contact us at any time if she is needing help or want to talk. 

My Husband threatened to kill me at Christmas and I didn’t report him because he promised he would go to Anger Management-He never did of course. He also threatened to punch my eldest Autistic adult son in the face for using his vapor in the house the day before in front of my younger 2 sons-Can I still press charges?
This is one of many scenarios where he has abused us in the past 7 years

He is a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde-

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry that your family is experiencing this. It can be very hard to leave someone you care about, but you are very brave to be looking for next steps. WEAVE has a legal department that you can call for some advice. Please contact our support line at 916-920-2952 for more information. 

Hi, i need to know once enrolled in program if its counceling I or more is it absolute that one must come each week? Reason i am asking is i am no longer in relationship today but need help also may need to miss a week gas money is very difficult as i lost my job, 2 in fact which always excelled in my work. Also possible car trouble, cannot pay my rent and not sure of anything at this point. I was fraudulently taken out by my boyfriend now ex who is in prison now but not for my issues i never turned him in. I may need to miss at times so i apologize for the long explaination attached to my question. Thank you

To start counseling with us, you would first need to go our free Walk-In triage. There you will meet with a counselor and talk about what your counseling needs are and what schedule works best for you.  For the hours and locations, please call the Support Line at 916-920-2952.

Can my ex sue me for rent he has had to pay on his new place for the past 3 years. He has a restraining order against him by me and was physically removed from our property and placed under arrest by the local Sheriff Department . The order is effect until 2019. As a result of his violent behavior, I am forced to immediately sell my dream home of 12 years as I cannot afford the mortgage alone. He has placed a lien on the property along with the lawsuit for his rent. The court date is set for September of this year. Please advise.

WEAVE has a legal department that may be able to help. Please call our Support Line 916-920-2952, for more information about our services and to get connected with legal assistance. 

My son’s father used to stalk me and brake into my apartments and beat me up. I was forced to move twice because he kept finding me and we faught so often and he would run before anyone could call the police. There were a lot of damages to the apartments and I was forced to move with not enough money to take everything or the safety to even go back to the apartment being that I lived alone with my 3 year old son. So both times we were forced to move to shelters and start over. I could’ve sworn I was told in court that they would make him pay the fees however I’m not sure if I would need to get a lawyer to take him to court to pay or simply go on my own? He isn’t stable so it would take sometime to find him but I’m trying to remove these things from my credit so I may move on with my life. Doesn’t really seem far that I had to go through all of that and still pay for it too.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you might need some legal assistance and housing information. It definitely is not fair that you have had to experience this abuse and also pay for it. WEAVE has a legal department, and can also help with housing referrals. For more information, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

So I was in a relationship for about 8 months, which after the 3rd month he became very violent and abusive. Choking, hitting,slapping,and verbal as well.I even got stabbed once in leg, which he would not let me go to dr. I finally had been hit , stomped, and kicked in the head and body so much one day that I decided to go to ER. My finger was broke, and I had concusion.not to mention all the bruising.they tried to get me to tell them at ER who did it, but I wouldn’t. I was scared to. So to make long story short, I was able to get alot of the bills covered by charity that the hospital offered.but one is now going against my credit but I don’t have money to pay. Not to mention, have the time he wouldn’t let me go to work, he held me hostage in the house. He punched my windshield and it is cracked and only slowly getting worse. And I’m afraid I am going to get a ticket. He broke a 700 dollar new iPhone I had, I had to pay that out of pocket because I was on a device payment plan w verizon. Then I got a galaxy note phone for around the same price and on payment plan and he has hit me with it and had external damage and I don’t know how much longer I will be able to use it, and im screwed. I had to move out of my sisters because she was scared of him. I moved in w friend , I have no money.he has stolen from me so much that it is around about 15,000 dollars. He made my life hell. The law was called out several times by neighbors and friends and they would never do anything because I wouldn’t press charges, or take out papers which is because I was scared to, he threatened me. He pretty much ragged out my car. It was so nice and now almost junk. He showed out at my work.he literally made my life hell, and I stayed upset and in a tizz for months. Lost weight, lost hair, so much because of this guy and he has just moved to another state and has another Gf and basically gets to have a wonderful life, while I am struggling because of him. It messed me up mentally , physically, only a small scar from stab, and a broken finger that still is swollen and kept me from performing my job as a hair stylist to the best of my ability. I was suppose to see a bone doctor and couldn’t afford to go. Being stressed that bad really affected my OCD, now i am having yrouble finding a job because of the ocd.but i guess one of the worst things was, he raped me twice. I would like to see a counclor but im broke and my savings are gone.my savings is gone now.He kicked the door in twice at my friends house that I moved into. Is there any kind of action I can take to make him pay something back? I’m not trying to rip him off or take any money not owed to me, but I feel like I have really been put through the ringer with this guy.and surely there is something I can do to get some of it back.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. I am so sorry that you have experienced so much violence and that it is affecting you financially in many ways. The California Victim Compensation Board might be a good option for you. They may be able to provide some financial assistance and help you get back on your feet. To learn more about this program, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My husband has hit me during arguments in my head, not closed fisted but hard and has pushed me around. He says he hit me because I pushed him. I think I pushed him back because he was yelling in my face. We have only been married 3 months. 
I left when I was driving my car and he had his 3 little dogs on his lap and I was pulling the car out and stopped abruptly to tell him just to drive and it caused one of his dogs to fall on the floor. When this happened he grabbed my face and said he hated me and wished he could punch me in the face. 
I was so upset I packed and left to my families home.
He has been begging me back for two weeks. Telling me he misses me, needs me , how he loves me and it won’t happen ever again. And tells me I should forgive and come back with only love in my heart.
Should I go back. I love him but was so unhappy. Can things change? We are in our forties.

Sincerely,
Confused

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have experienced abuse by someone you care about and love. You deserve to be treated with respect and although it is normal to have disagreements with the people you love, it is not okay abuse anyone.  Only you can decide if you would like to return to this relationship. However, it is important to consider whether this abuse will continue and if you will be happy in this relationship for the long run. If you would like to discuss you relationship more with us, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

(Edited Due to Length) My ex and I cohabitation together for over 10 years. Over those years he has physically assulted me. Finally, just recently I got enough courage to leave with my son, (not his, I’m a widow) n get help after being beaten, in front I’d my son. He has also threaten to kill me and has destroyed my property with a hammer, cane, etc. So, finally he beat me for the last time. I got my son and 2 dogs n left. Went to hospital, filed an assist report to police. Well, this time since police wont/can’t help, I go get an emergency pfa to have him removed, it was granted, n then 1 week later at court date, I was granted a 90 day pfa. My son n I moved back into home, but only was temporary. Well, now hes back, he manipulated me into believing that we could work this out. Since he still has apt, he has nothing to contribute to mortage, bills, food, anything. C, he had alteriour motives. He’s not he to fix this, but to antagonize me. Once he gained my trust, he turned n stated since I put him out, now I’m gonna c 2hat it feels like. It’s his home, n he don’t have not only leave, but don’t have to contribute. He wants 2 c me homeless, I have no family, since I did it to him. So, when n if mortage does forecloses, n we r forced out, that’s when he will go back to his apt. Ge don’t care he’s put me in debt, n I’m under sever duress, stress, he’s hurt me agaun, pushes me around n threatens me if I don’t do his bidding. He’s very controlling n if I defy him all hell breaks loose. I’m falling apart, almost out of resources, n physically mentally n emotionally being abused n used. I’ve invested alot of money into this home, my son is adhd n autistuc. This is the only home he’s ever known. I’m scared of him n what he will do next. He has a terrible temper, never accepted responsibility for his actions, n justifies abuse, I made him it do, I was warned of consequences if I don’t listen. I can easily afford this home, he cant. He had every opportunity to take back home after 90 days, but didnt, he’s spiteful n wants revenge. but refuses to give it up or help with bills or mortafe, can I have him legally removed? N if so, how n what do I need 2 do. I live in bucks county pa.

I am sorry that you are experiencing emotional, physical, and financial abuse with this person. You and your son deserve to live in a peaceful home free from violence. It seems like you may have some legal questions. WEAVE typically provides services and resources to survivors in Sacramento County. I would suggest that you reach out to some of your local domestic violence agencies to assist you with your situation. A Woman’s Place is in Bucks County, PA and their 24 hour hotline is 800-220-8116. 

My boyfriend, sons father(not biological) his actual father left a year ago & have never had contact since. Anyways (name omitted)’s father who I’m with got arrested two days ago for domestic battery, it got very physical just ugly in general we were fighting. My question is am I aloud to contact him in regards of our baby? I didn’t want charges pressed, but it hhappen because its apparently the law. I live in Illinois. Can I send him a few pictures of his son? Its very hard our son is 2yrs and is looking for him constantly.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your questions are very important as well as your child’s well-being. We typically can only serve clients in the Sacramento County. I would suggest that you reach out to your local domestic violence resources to see if you can get more legal assistance. You can contact the Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence at 877-863-6338. 

My sister is a victim of domestic violence. Her boyfriend beat her up pretty badly and sent her to the hospital. The county is pressing charges against him, but she’s been cooperating to make sure that he isn’t punished. Everything has been so stressful for my family and I feel like my parents and I are reaching our breaking point. I’m not sure what to do. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It seems like your family really cares about your sister and her well-being. Unfortunately we cannot make the people we love to leave abusive relationships. There are many reasons why people do not leave their abusive partner. Maybe you and your sister would benefit from some counseling to help work out this issue. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information about WEAVE counseling. 

If you where in a violate relationship but he got not guilty in court but few months later he was found guilty of murder but he told me I was next can I have police protection when he gets out of prison

Thank you for contacting us. If you are worried about your safety when he gets out of prison, you could look into getting a restraining order. WEAVE has a legal department that may be able to provide some advice. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more. 

I just now saw a man make a threatening move towards someone who looked like his girlfriend/wife, but no actual violence occurred. However, I’m concerned from the raised voices that I may have just seen some domestic violence. What should I have done?

Thank you for asking this important question. If you feel someone is in danger, you can call 911 and report the location and description of the people involved. It’s great that you recognized these red flags and want to be prepared for the next time you may witness a domestic violence incident. 


I am bi-sexual and currently in a relationship with a female (I am female). The other day I regretfully pushed her when I got frustrated that she was out of control. She immediately punched me multiple times in the face and left plenty of bruises. We’ve been together 2 years and never laid a hand on each other before. My question is…in most states, legally can we both be arrested for domestic violence? Since I pushed her (it was a push not a shove or anything hard)? I am going to see a councilor tomorrow and I’m kind of worried if she she’s the bruises on my face that one or both of us will get in trouble. Does she legally have to report it?

Because we do not work in law enforcement, it is hard to say if you could both be arrested. Your counselor should be bound by their confidentiality, although there may be exceptions for child abuse, elder abuse, and threat of harm to self or others. It would be important for you to ask your counselor what her mandated reporting covers and what your confidentiality rights are. 

I am a single parent ,live in contra costa county ,My son is bipolar 23 years of age still living at home. He wont take responsibility for getting his own medicine and keep doctor appointments also currently verbally combative and is physically abusive
i have asked him to leave and get physically abusive 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It can be so hard to ask someone you love to leave. Because he is an adult, there is no way to make him take his medicine.  Have you considered calling the police when you feel you are in danger? If you would like additional support please call our support and information line: 916-920-2952.

I’m 22 years old. I’ve been with the Man i married 5 years….we’ve both had really rough up bringings and have been through Alot. We both have anxiety and depression.lately….my husband has been lyi to me about stupid crap….but that’s not all. We fight. And when we dominated Alot of yelling. I get super anxious and I stand up for myself but don’t always shut up either…but he gets aggressive…..lately…he started hitting me. I have cuts from his nails on me.bruises.bumps on my head, he pulls my hair, drags me by my hair, throws me, I’ve fallen into tables, he hurts me so much. I don’t understand.but it’s not him.this isn’t the person he is, he has never been this way . I want o help him. I want to work on all of this.he can’t cope with anything.he started a new job.his boss treats him badly. He halls bad depression and anxiety. He smokes Alot of pot to try to cope but I fear it’s not enough to help him but he refuses counseling….I have bruises. All over me. My body hurts like ivw been hit by a car. one time he said he’s sorry. for the first time. he tells me it’s the on thing that I understand which is why he does it (I was abused growing up so I learned to be obedient to abuse)….I’m terrified of this. He’s pushed me intovthw ground and put pillows on my head. I don’t know what it all means.or what’s he’s trying to do. I knowwwwe he dosnt want tovkill me.and I know he loves me…as strange as that sounds.we’ve been best friends for along time.through Alot but always get high it and we have more good times then badmouth whencthe bad happens, it’s really really bad.what do I do???:? I don’t want to just walk away I want to help him too. But can I? What should I do? I’m scared of who he’s turning into but at the same time I know it’s not him. I don’t know what’s going on.but I don’t like it.dosnt he care? Does he feel guilty? does it faze him afterwards? Or is he just numb to hurting me???? During our bad bad fights, hell threaten to hurt me more.I know these are super red flags. but I can’t leave him and I don’t know why. I know insure no don’t want to. But I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to blame myself…..my depression…is coming back.my ptsd is getting worse.I’m scared. But I love him so much. :’(

I’m sorry that the person you love is hurting you. Sometimes leaving can be the hardest thing you have to do. It seems like he does need help, but he is not the victim in this situation. He may have some mental health issues, but he also has control over his actions and decisions. Unfortunately we do not always know the reason that people to abuse their partners, but there is no excuse. You deserve to be treated with respect by the person you love. If you would like to talk more about your relationship and the options you have, please call our Support line 916-920-2952 and speak with an experienced advocate. 


I live with a man that is VERY verbally abusive on a daily basis, he drinks! He scares me and my daughter SO MUCH!! In the past he has tried to choke me and I called the law! They made him leave. We after that got back together because, me being a person that believes people change, let him back in my life and we live together. Now he drinks every day or every other day and is VERY VERY verbally abusive sometimes 8 hours! Now he threatens to burn my home camper car etc. I told him 2 and half months. ago it was over, I have even called local sheriff’s dept, and they said he has the same rights I do to live there when he lied to the officer about paying rent. Has never never paid rent or anything else. My daughter and I live on a check from the passing of husband, that’s how I pay my bills right now till I find a job. Anyway they want make him leave and just the past two nights he wants and said he would burn, destroy everything even if he went to jail! When he gets out he said he would find me and make me pay. But I cannot make him leave and scared EVERY DAY HE COMES HOME!! What can I do to make him leave? Please, Lord someone help me!! Thanks for this website I came across!!

I am sorry you are experiencing this after trying so hard to make this man leave your life. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Have you considered getting a restraining order on him? This might help get him out of your house. Please call our Support line 916-920-2952 for information on our legal assistance and other resources to get you out of this situation. 

i have been physical and mentally abused but when the cops asked me about i lied because person i was with only hurt once a while when i really upset-ed them and we have a child together and didn’t want my child to see their other parent in jail and the person who hurt me told that they love me but now i have saying that they hurt but i’m scared to go to the cops because i lied and they might come after me, i still love them and what to be with them but i don’t know why they always emotionally abuse me. i don’t want to do and i have text massages of them saying that they did it and they did rape me a couple of times but they amended to that

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. Leaving an abusive relationship can be very difficult for some of the reasons you mentioned. Retaliation is something that many survivors worry about, so it would be important to make a safety plan. It’s hard to call the police on someone you care about and love, and it can also be hard to leave them. It sounds like you might be ready to start thinking about what your options are for leaving. If you would like to talk about this with an advocate, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

Hello, I’ve been abused by my boyfriend for almost 5 years. One night recently he lost his temper once again and he hit me this time I called the police, before they came he left. We live in a small apartment with my 2 year old daughter. They still haven’t arrested him its almost been a month the only reason he hasn’t come back is because the cops helped me file a restraining order on him. But my boyfriend was the bread winner he was the one that made enough money to pay the rent. While I work a full time minimum wage job and go to school full time. The problem is I can’t pay this $980 rent a month is there somewhere I can call or some help I just need to pay the rent until my lease is up in 2 months and I can find an apartment that I can afford.

I be a certified dental assistant in 2 months, the lease ends in 2 monthsI just need financial help for rent for just 2 months.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! It is very brave of you to call the police on your boyfriend and get a restraining order.  There are a few agencies in Sacramento that can help with rental assistance. To learn more information about these programs, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

I have been physically and emotionally abused , been bullied for over 8 years. It’s very difficult talking to anyone about this abuse because it was/ is my wife. Should say soon to be ex wife. Now that we are getting divorced she has run to our kids friends parents, my friends, friends we had as married couple, pretty much anyone that will listen and had told them what a bad husband , person I am. She barely knew people that she has told things about our marriage. She has done this to manipulate the situation and she knows that I would not go out and tell anyone about our marriage. How do I try to get the truth out since she has already told lies about the situation. It is also embarrassing the my wife has bullied me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about this. It seems that your wife has isolated you and made it difficult to consult with anyone about your situation. It is understandable that you feel embarrassed along with other negative emotions, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. Have you tried speaking with a counselor for advice? WEAVE offers specialized counseling to survivors. To learn more about this program, please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952
I have married 19 years to someone who has a history of Bi-polar disorder, and who drinks almost every day. When he drinks he gets very abusive verbally and emotionally. He caused me to PTSD which I have been treated for with professional help. My son from a previous marriage has suffered greatly too since he was 12. He is now 31 and suffering from OCD and depression. So I had him come back to our home to help get him treatment for it. Husband is very angry to have him home..and said he wanted him out. Recently, when I asked my husband for some emotional help with my son, who was having a very bad espisode of depression and OCD both…He got up nose to nose with my son and just stood there trying to provoke my son to hit him…knowing he would be arrested if he did lose it and strike him. I am 67 years old and only have social security to live on…How can I get a decent settlement to get away from this damaging man? He holds all the money here and uses it as weapon to hold over our heads. I’m so afraid I will out on the street with my mentally suffering son with no resources left to keep him therapy. Please help me. I’m very upset and frightened about our future Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. There is no excuse for your husband to abuse you and your son this way. It seems like you have both been affected over the years and need some help with your healing process. WEAVE has a counseling department as well as a safe shelter. We can give you this information and other resources on our Support Line. 916-920-2952

I have been in a relationship with my husband to be an we have a son together who is 5 yrs my problem is that he is very abusive towards me which make me to be afraid of him i cant even talk about him coz always he is angry so that one dae another guy approach me an he tell me everything i needed to hear is i started to cheat an i forget how my hsband to be used to treat me he found out that i was cheating an he almost kill me an said if i leave him he will kill me an my family an i believe coz he is dangerous so this year i came back home coz i was wanted to study he buy me an engagement ring i knew that he jst want to put it on my finger so that guys wont approach me when he left for job in other country and he always tell me why dnt u put me on your whatsaap pp i did that an this month i ask him put me on your whatsaap an he refused an i suspect he is cheating coz he told me i should leave other women husband coz he said am cheating which is nit true an i told him to stop calling me am worried coz he promise to kill me please help me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. If you ever feel that your life is in danger, please call 911. I’m sorry that you are experiencing this in your relationship. No one deserves to be abused. If you feel you may be needing a safe place to stay or other resources, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

So me and my daughters father live together and have been for about 2 years. He has always made me feel as if my opinions on everything are wrong because his are right. He has since our daughter was 6 months old, she is now 13 months old, kicked me very hard a few times over and over to get me off the couch or off our bed, he has smashed my 32 inch smart tv, threw a bottle at me missing me and hitting my son’s picture and breaking it’s glass everywhere, he had pushed me in our daughters room trying to keep me from leaving and when he pushed me my first reaction was to grab onto something which was the neck of his shirt or I would’ve hit a dresser really hard hitting my back and possibly hurting something, he has thrown my end table at me twice, the first time it didn’t break but a week later when he threw it at me it broke, this last time he charged at me and put on hand around my throat for about 10 seconds or so. So, hard that I couldn’t breathe and I lost my voice 2 days later and I had no marks or bruising, just soreness where he had put his hand. Everything that he has done, he has done either holding our daughter or with her standing right next to me. All holding her except for the second time he threw my end table at me, kicking me out of the bed and when he pushed me in her room. The other incidents he was holding her. He was holding her when he charged at me and put his right hand around my throat and we were both standing up. I did press charges on him. We have court this week. He got a lawyer. I just have the courts attorney I guess. I’ve never had to do this so I’m kinda lost. We still live together but I have a protection order so that if he hits me before court he will go to jail till the court date. But, he seems to think that he didn’t do anything wrong and that he’s not going to jail or anything. He has always made everything my fault. If I don’t let him use my vehicle it’s not right, or if my opinion on things like having other unknown females in my vehicle, he doesn’t see that as disrespectful. When he’s hit or thrown things at me he tells me it was my fault and that I should’ve just shut up. I’m not aloud to speak my feelings at all about anything. He’s always saying that everything I get upset about is stupid and that his friends think so too. I’m always wrong. My question is because I don’t have a job and family to help me get away. Is should I be afraid of saying these things in court? Will I get justice? For the sake of mine and my daughters lives? Should I feel scared that the courts won’t do anything and he will win? Also he is a good speaker and can make anyone believe everything he says. Thank you in advance. I just need someone to tell me to not be afraid and have faith in myself to be strong enough to say what needs to be said to get justice.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions and concerns. You are so brave to leave your abuser and find a better life for yourself and your baby. It can be so hard to leave for many reasons and I am sorry that you are going through this situation. It seems like you have some legal questions and need some advice. If you contact us on our 24 hour support line 916-920-2952, we can help you get connected with our legal department.
Do any of the people that you help go back to their partner but after both the partner and the victim got counseling. Thank you for asking this important question. We cannot give information about our clients in any of our programs. However, sometimes it can take multiple tries to leave an abuser, and counseling for both partners might be a resource that clients can reach out for. If you are interested in learning more about our counseling program or have more questions, please call our 24 hour support line at 916-9290-2952.
My ex-husband was a batterer and he has sex with my body while i was suffering concussion. Is this behavior common among batterers or rare? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Every relationship is different, some abusive relationships have the additional component of sexual assault and others do not. I am sorry that you experienced this from your ex-husband without consent. If you would like to further discuss your questions or experience, you can call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak anonymously with an advocate.
I WAS ABUSED MENTALLY AND PHYICALLY BY MY NOW EX HUSBAND. HE ALMOST KILLED ME I AM CRIPLED NOW HE BEAT MY HEAD OVER AND OVER WHEN I TOLD HIM I HAD ENOUGH HE WANTED MONEY I FINALLY SAID HE COULD HAVE IT BUT I WAS GETTING A DIVORCE! !!! I am BLIND FROM HIM BEATING MY HEAD OVER ANF OVER THAT NIGHT WITH MY DAUGHTER AT THE TIME STILL SLEEPING IN A CRIB!!!!!!!HVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE FOR YEARS I HAD TO HAVE BRAIN SURGEY . THERE IS TO MUCH FOR ME TO TELL ALL THE EVIL THAT HAS CAME SENCE HE TOOK MY DAUGHTER WHO HE ALSO ABUSED AND HOW CPS DAID ” BECAUSE HE HAS A LAWYER AND YOU DONT ” I CALLED A HOTLINE FOR HELP CPS DID NOT HELP MY DAUGHTER AND I AT ALL !!!!!!! I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO. SEE OR TALK TO HER MY FAMILY HELPED MY EX TAKE HER “THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD GET HER AND MONEY!!!!! ” I HAVE NO ONE Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I’m glad that you were able to escape his physical abuse and get a divorce, that is not easy to do. Please call our Support and Information line 916-920-2952, so we can see how to help you and your daughter. You are not alone and we are here to help.

Q: I had a domestic abuse charge out on my boyfriend last summer after he drug me out of bed at 7 am and yanked me down the gravel road as he told my best friend on the phone that “he couldn’t get rid of me. He had to hurt me enough to.make me go away.”I have been with him since and have gotten into many physical encounter since where I have been physical as well as him. I am 9.months pregnant with our child now and just recently found out he ran over and killed my dog 5 days ago and has been hiding it from me. Telling me that someone picked her up and nothing we can do about it and I have reason to believe he shot and killed my cat as well 4 months ago. I believe he is a perpetual liar and has an extreme obsession with guns and bullets. He isn’t allowed to have them and tried to get me to buy one for him even. It’s really hard to know what to do at this point. Does he need help? I can’t pay bills while I have to be on leave for 12 weeks and feel like I am lost right now.

Hello and thank you for contacting WEAVE. You seem to be concerned for your safety and the safety of your family. Your boyfriend may need help, but it is also important that you are able to keep yourself safe. Please contact our Support and Information line (916)920-2952, and they can talk you through what options you may have.
Q: My ex husband moved in with the woman he was cheating with after the divorce. Every other weekend he would get the kids and sometimes he would call me to pick up the kids early cause they were fighting. This last time it was bad enough that the neighbors called the police and he was taken to jail. His girlfriend called me to pick up the kids. The kids said they were really scared and the girl friend said she was so scared that she thought he was going to hit her. She kicked him out and called it quits. Since then he calls to see the kids for about an hour. Our kid were adopted and he told me he didn’t want kids, he only signed the papers cause I wanted kids. When he was with her he pretended he really cared. After they separated he stopped taking them for the weekend and only calls every 3 days,when it was twice a day every day. When he was with me he never helped me at all with the kids. He always said, you wanted them you take care of them. I think they are getting back together and I don’t want my kids back in that situation. Can I do something with the domestic violence to keep the kids from him/them? Even though he has joint custody in the state of Arizona. Any ideas? Hello and thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. I am sorry you and your kids are going through this. Have you considered getting a restraining order on your ex? You may be able to put the children on that too. You could also try to file for full custody as well. WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line (916) 920-2952. You can call that number and speak with an advocate about what your options are. If you are in Sacramento County, we also have a legal department that might be able to give you some advice.

Q: My brother has been in and out of jail for a LONG time, recently, he had a breakdown at his girlfriends moms ( where they live) and threw a pot through the window. In the lot where they live, a man has some stuff to do with drugs and the police have issued a no-contact between my brother and his girlfriend because of the man that shares the lot with them. They both love each other and I really want to help my brother be happy, please send advice.

 

 

Hello and thank you for contacting us. It seems like your brother might be going through a hard time and it’s wonderful that you are reaching out to support him. Has he considered counseling?  It might help him work with his relationship issues and his breakdowns. If you would like some referrals for him please contact us at our 24 hour Support and Information line (916) 920-2952, so that we can better assess what his situation is and what would be most helpful for both of you.  

If an adult child assaults their mother does this fall under domestic violence

Any type of abuse within the family falls under the umbrella definition of domestic violence. Depending on the age of the parent, in this situation, it might also be considered elder abuse if the victim is an elder.  If you would like additional support please call our support and information line: 916-920-2952. 
I’m a single mom I’m currently living with my boyfriend. I have tried to get away from my boyfriend but when I said that I was going to call the police because he was scaring me and threatening me, he took my phone away and tried to close the door on me. I had a big bruise on the side of my head. I got away from him and was living with someone from the church temporarily and somehow he tracked me down. He would show up at my school unannounced and scare me and corner me and he told me “he just wanted to say hello” so I would lock myself in the car. I went shopping at a grocery store I had never been at with my son and as I was walking out to the parking lot and he came up out of nowhere and scared me and then said he just wanted to talk to me and he was sorry but he tells me that all the time. I think that I’m going to need some help to get away from him. I’m desperately trying to find a place and some help to get on my feet and get away from him. I have no family here because all my family is in overseas. My closest friend lives down south and is struggling herself. I just want to keep my son safe and get out of this situation. I’m so scared I don’t know what to do. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I hear you recognizing the need to keep you and your son safe and that you’re threatened by your boyfriend showing up unannounced and stalking you. Your concerns are valid. You can call our Support line for more information and to get more resources about our services (including counseling, case management, and Safe House options). That number is 916-920-2952.  If you feel you’re in imminent danger, call 911.

I’ve had several ofp against ex abuser yrs ago and have moved alot because he finds us..20 yrs later he is working across street and attempting to enter bldg..I was upset to remember that he had Order For Protection (OFP)records SEALED that basically means HIDDEN as if yrs of horrible life threatening abuse didn’t ever happen..Does law enforcement have access or power to have those records UNSEALED and REVEALED somehow..? What should I do..? He is a HUGE threat to me and my son..! I have paper copies of ofps and dr n police reports etc..THANK GOD..I am hoping to meet with local police to allow all records I have to be reviewed so that they know I am telling the truth and not crazy..! His past record being sealed has allowed him to get away with abusing other women too..I feel like a sitting duck..please give me the best advice in this situation as to what I need to do in list of priority..Thank you..I AM A SURVIVOR OF THE MOST GRAPHIC N LIFE THREATENING ASSAULTS AND EXTREME LIFE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST ME AND MY CHILD THAT THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN..I NEED THE POLICE TO SEE HIS PAST DV REVORD AS HE IS AN IMMINENT THREAT AND GOD FORBID HE GETS AWAY WITH IT..God bless and protect us all..! .signed..SOS

Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger. If you can, call your local DV org – if in Sacramento, our support line is 916-902-2952 – to discuss options and create safety plans.  We have a legal department that may be able to help you further: (916) 319-4944.  It sounds like you’ve kept excellent records including all of the OFP’s. You might consider taking all of your documentation to law enforcement with the latest information/sightings of your ex. If you don’t already have a safety plan in place with your son, please consider creating one with him and/or consulting with an Advocate and/or law enforcement to come up with plans for his safety as well.

I’m afraid to stay in my home with my daughter who is always fighting with her boyfriend. The law says I can’t put them out so where can I go with my 14 year old? I fear for my own safety. Please help. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m very sorry to hear that you and your daughter are in an unsafe situation. You may reach out to our support line for more advice. If you are in danger, please call your local law enforcement to explore options and call 911 if you’re in imminent danger. WEAVE offers counseling services, if you’re interested. Also, if your daughter is also scared, please let her know she may contact us too.
Last night I experience another episode of physical and verbal abuse from my boyfriend. He took my phone so I’m using a laptop. I have a four year old son and need help to get out of this situation. You and your son’s safety is of utmost concern. Please, if you are in imminent danger, call 911 or go to the nearest place where you can call 911. When you are able to access a phone, you may call our support and information line: 916-920-2952. WEAVE offers counseling, case management, and we have a Safe House (screening required). If you have a safe place to go to, please carefully consider what important documents you may need and the best way for you to collect necessary items (for you and your son) for your departure. I’m glad you found a way to connect to us and hope we can be of further assistance when you’re able to connect.

Asking for my daughter. She is married with two small children. Is belittling someone and treating them like badly considered abuse? Her husband is a control freak. He will not give her money to go to the grocery store. He stops on his way home and buys what he wants. Yells at her calling her disgusting names. She receives Social Security Disability and so husband says he will get custody. She contributes all she can paying $500 of $1200 mortgage, her own car and insurance and all medical co-pays for kids. For the last year he has been getting testosterone shots saying his “t” count is low. These shots are only making him more angry and verbally abusive. Tells her she “has” to do her wifely duties. Sleeps on couch when home. She wants out but I do not have a place for her to go to. Is verbal abuse considered Domestic Violence or should she just as he puts it – “suck it up” and quit acting like a “sensitive Cindy” –I look forward to your response. Not sure if this is domestic violence or not. She does not have money to get her own place. I’m torn with what to do. Don’t think she needs a shelter but — the verbal abuse seems to be bringing her to an all time low.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It is very difficult to witness a loved in a violent relationship. Financial abuse, Verbal abuse, and intimidation are all abusive behaviors that can occur in domestic violence. If your daughter is seeking support please have her contact our support and information line directly:916-920-2952. Our support line advocates can provide her with support and referrals. WEAVE offers counseling, case management, legal services, and safehouse referrals and/or housing.
I am a domestic violence survivor, I uprooted my self and resettled in a new city to avoid accidental encounters with my violent ex. Several years have passed quite quietly, but now I’m scared, Today my facebook account told me that I am required to change the name on the account to my legal given name. If I do that I’m terrified he will be able to find me again and I don’t want to live in fear. The only solution I can see is to cut myself off from social media, but I shouldn’t have to to protect my safety. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle facebook?

I understand your concern and hope that the information below will be of some help.Victims of violence do have options in regards to using their real names on Facebook. See the link to the National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Guide for Facebook for survivors of abuse as a starting point. NNEDV may also have other resources for advocating with Facebook.

My niece is in another state (edited for confidentiality). I am worried about her. It is such a long story but she is in danger of her on again off again husband. Is there a place in Michigan like Weave that you know of? She is living with her dad right now but I am just so worried for her. Her xhusband is mental-abusive and she just told me she think he tried to poison her. But she won’t go to the police? Any help you can give me? Thank you!

I’m very sorry to hear about your niece’s situation. It is so difficult to see someone dear to us suffer in a DV relationship. She may not be ready to go to the police – this is normal. You can support her by recognizing the situation she is in and offering support (your support, and referrals).  If she’s interested in counseling, her local DV organization will likely offer free counseling. I wish her all the best and thank you for reaching out in support of her.
Here are a couple of resources:
A domestic violence organization in Michigan: http://www.domesticviolence.org/
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/ 1-800-799-7233

Are there any affiliates located in Placer County? I reside there and am in need of services.

Yes, Stand Up Placer is located in Placer County:
http://www.standupplacer.org/
CRISIS LINE: 800.575.5352

this question isn’t for my well being but for a family member of mine. He is married to a woman who has threatened to kill herself because he went on a road trip without her. She has sent threatening messages to my mom. That add up to paragraphs about there “true love” and how my mom cant ever take that away. This lady even has a child that is ten-ish stuck in the mix. He feels this is all his fault he said he wont ever leave because he couldn’t handle the guilt on his shoulders if she did kill herself. Im just a kid and my mom told me not to contact you but he was my favorite person and now im not allowed to see him. I just want him to be happy again can you help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It is a very challenging situation and as much as your mom doesn’t want you to get involved (ie, reach out to us), since you are a kid, I hear your concern and desire to seek help. WEAVE offers many different types of services not only to victims of domestic and/or sexual violence but also to their family members, as the impact is great for the entire family. If you, your mother, or your father are interested, our support line number is 916-920-2952 and/or we have Counseling Triage on Tuesday or Thursday 12-2pm or Wednesday 5-7pm at our midtown office. I wish you all the best.

What about the other side? I was accused first one week of stalking with violence, wife of 30 years having an affair admitted didn’t stalk, no violence, wasn’t afraid, didn’t tell me not to call or visit. Case dismissed $3000. Then filed domestic violence next week, same issues. Case dismissed $2500. Her net worth is substantial and i lost 35K in business documented. Are there any torts I can file? Malicious prosecution, libel, defamation, filing false allegations, civil harassment? She knew they were false , maliciously used the legal process and filed to harm me. I lost $5500 in legal and 35K in business. What rights do I have? We still haven’t filed for divorce. (out of state). Hello, unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice. You may want to reach out to your local resources. You may reach out to the national DV hotline for resources in your area: 1-800-799-7233. 

What if I can’t call or get away?only able to access the phone quickly and quietly help

Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger and need immediate help. When/if you are able to, you may also call our support & information line: 916-920-2952.

My husband is back on meth and is becoming more violent by the day. He almost ran me over yesterday. I have one baby in the nicu and 6 other babies 15-2 and he has been to jail for hitting me before but I dropped the charges and I cannot take it anymore. How do I leave? He told me he would kill me and all my family. He is also has schizoeffective disorder and is medicated but refuses to get help for his mania? I don’t have any family who can house or help me and I am a student and disabled. How can I leave? My mom owns a house in another state and I can go there if I can get there.

Please call 911 when you are in imminent danger. Also, you may call our Support and Information line any time of day: 916-920-2952. Our Advocates can provide more information about your options and help you safety plan leaving your current situation. We have a safe house in Sacramento or we can offer your referrals in or outside of Sacramento. You might want to speak with one of our Advocates about Victim Compensation – since you’ve already filed a report, you can apply for this service. You and your children’s safety is of utmost concern. It takes courage to reach out for help, thank you for contacting WEAVE.

I was assaulted by my 2 yr olds Dad. It’s been 2 months since I left him and he wants to talk to our daughter. I don’t know if I should allow that. He was a good father to my daughter.

I hear your concern regarding allowing your ex to contact your daughter. You and your daughter’s safety is of utmost concern. If you would like, you may speak with one of our Support Line Advocates to discuss a safety plan and learn more about options available to you and your daughter (916) 920-2952.  Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger. I’m very sorry to hear that you have been assaulted – if you’re interested, we do offer counseling as well as legal services. You and your daughter deserve to feel safe. I wish you the best as you navigate these next steps and your own healing.

Hello. My brother, in his late twenties, is living with my Mom, in her early 60s. He has issues with rage, paranoia, stealing and verbal abuse when he doesn’t get what he wants.If she doesn’t give him what he wants, when he demands it (rides, TONS of money, things, etc), he screams at her until she runs away or gives in, threatens to beat her up or comments on past abuse, and he has destroyed her self-esteem. He threatens suicide. I am afraid the next phone call I will get is from the police, saying he beat her to death. She won’t tell anyone what he’s doing or get help for herself, please help me help her.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. What you are describing is elder abuse. I’m very sorry to hear what your mother is going through and it sounds like you want to help her in the best way possible.  You may call our support line (916-920-2952) any time of day to seek support. If you are in Sacramento, we offer counseling and other case management services. Also, here are a couple DV shelter referrals: http://acommunityforpeace.org/ or www.standupplacer.org 

Hello, me and my girlfriend have been fighting for a few months and she attacked me multiple times. My question: I originally filed order of protection 6 months ago and she filed one on me last week but she never answered the door to be served. Things were great for a while, I moved back in but we got in an argument and the police arrived…… I called the city of _____ and asked about the restraining order and there’s nothing registered. I want her out of my apartment. We are not getting back together. I’m moving back to ______ but for now sleep on friends couches and live on the streets. Any legal advice would be great, let me know thanks.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. Unfortunately, I’m limited in what I can advise as we are unable to provide legal advice. I encourage you may reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 to be connected to your local resources for further support legal and otherwise.  I wish you the best as you move forward. 

Hello, me and my girlfriend have been fighting for a few months and she attacked me multiple times. My question: I originally filed order of protection 6 months ago and she filed one on me last week but she never answered the door to be served. Things were great for a while, I moved back in but we got in an argument and the police arrived…… I called the city of _____ and asked about the restraining order and there’s nothing registered. I want her out of my apartment. I’m moving back to ______ but for now sleep on friends couches and live on the streets. Any legal advice would be great, let me know thanks.

 

Is isolation, verbal and emotional torment considered domestic violence? Is family trauma and sexual violence due to childhood trafficking considered domestic violence if I am still harassed by family after 20 years of no contact policy in place? I am not unique, is there a safe place for someone like me to start over with my new name, social and sealed records? My police reports are related to stalking and family violence. The stalking has subsided and I am planning to leave an emotionally tormenting partner of many years. Are there services for me? Shelter? I remain hopeful for a better life by breaking this violent cycle I have been in my entire life. I am a strong courageous woman and can help others, too.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Yes, isolation, verbal and emotional torment can fall under domestic violence. We can also connect you with services available for survivors of trafficking. Please call our support and information line to find out if our Safe House would be a good fit for you: 916-920-2952. I deeply respect your courage and believe that you are incredibly strong.

My sister physically assaulted me in front of her 2 kids at my parents house. I called the police and filed a report. I am worried she is going to hurt her kids. How can I report it without her knowing its me? I am very traumatized . My father did nothing to protect me. Are there laws to protect me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You may call our support and information line for more information about reporting: 916-920-2952. Additionally, if you’re interested in counseling services for the trauma you’ve experienced, you may attend our walk-in counseling triage on Tue: 12-2p, Wed: 5-7p, or Thur: 12-2p. 
My still legal husband has 4 of my 5 children..about three years ago I decided to finally try and end my marriage so both me but mainly my kids could have a better life..he drank and smoked weed all the time he was stay at home dad while I was missing my kids because I worked all the time and would stay in motel because I was just to tired to drive home..gone for days but when home I had money and we would go have fun although he would talk to me and accuse me every time I came home and say mean things when I wasn’t doing anything wrong at that time..I had cheated before this because I just wanted a better life ..my kids man, that’s all I was trying to make better and I know for sure now That I did wrong but anyways 2012 I chose to leave and stay with people to not go home because he made me not good… the fighting everything.. I thought best kids there with him because he home and me just figure it out but pay bills I was paying two rents two sets of bills. really I did lie to him because if I told him the truth I was leaving he would not let me see my kids he then took my kids jan 2 to diff town and I didn’t find them until October of that year. he has done so much damage on top of me leaving and hurting my kids that my two oldest are very not on and shutdown esp from me. he threatens me with cops he makes me sound so bad just because i love my kids and want to be a mom he hold all my bad and makes some up. all I want is my kids and I to be mom and friend and child Finally almost 3 years later im finally strong enough to start making it stop and taking control of my life but he is soooo mean keeps my kids away I can’t really handle more hurt and I need it to stop I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It seems like you have tried to make a better life for yourself and your kids. Thank you for reaching out to us for help. If you are interested in counseling for yourself and your children, please call our support and information line (916)920-2952. We also offer legal services and safe shelter for survivors. It takes courage to ask for support. Please remember you are not alone. 

I am in a violent relationship and my children go to the same school as my partner’s children. Can you help me find a safe place to live?

Thank you for contacting us. WEAVE does offer a confidential safehouse program. The first step would be to call our support and information line and speak to an advocate about your options, and what would be a good fit for yourself and your child. The number to call is 916-920-2952.
My husband is physically abusive toward me and our son. If I call the police, will I be able to get a restraining order for myself and my son? Thank you for reaching out for information on how to keep you and your child safe. Please call our support and information line for more information about our legal services. The number to call is 916-920-2952.
Can my verbally and physically abusive husband claim the child’s custody when braking Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We have a child custody workshop on the first Wednesday of the month,  from 5:30pm-7:30pm at our Business Office. For more information about our legal services, please call our support line ( 916) 920-2952.
My husband verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually abused me during the course of our marriage, I brought him over to the US on a Visa. As soon as I mentioned divorce the violence increased physically and then he went out and got citizenship. I tried to call 911 but he grabbed the phone and disconnected it before the call went through. I never documented the bruises but a doctor saw it but did not report it. I went into counseling and was getting stronger to get out of the relationship when one day, out of character for me I fought back after an abusive episode. He had me arrested but the DA did not prosecute. My husband is an alcoholic and had about 30-40 oz of alcohol that day. I filed for divorce and my lawyer is telling me I should not file DV against him or get a restraining order. I do not understand why, they said the incidents have to be fresh in order for it to stick. I think he is mentally ill, he has wild mood swings, is very controlling, people have told me he sounds like the guy from ’sleeping with the enemy’, I never saw the movie. I got to the point I was stuttering and afraid to move when I was in his presence. He said there was something wrong with me that I could not focus 100% on him, which meant to turn off the TV when he walked into a room. If I took my eyes off him he would call me a selfish bitxh. Sexually abuse was he would do things to me to humiliate me. He would shame me on Facebook and put me down in front of friends. There are other incidents of violence but he always threatened me with divorce and that he would take everything. Now I don’t know what to do, I cannot believe he is going to get away with all the abuse, can I sue him in civil court for pain and suffering, cost of medical expenses, loss of work and counseling services? I have male lawyers and they keep telling me not to file charges against him. My understanding is the statue of limitations on DV is 3 years for a felony. I need a DV specialist to tell me what I should do. He is just going to do this all over again to someone else after I divorce him. Hello, and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. I’m sorry that he has been getting away with abusing you after everything you have tried to get out of the relationship. You can definitely access our legal services through our Support and Information line (916) 920-2952. You may also qualify for the California Victim Compensation program that can help with counseling, relocation, and other expenses. For assistance with applying for Cal VCP call (916) 874-5701. Thank you for your courage to ask for help. Please remember you are not alone. 
My sons girlfriend is very violent we get into a lot of argument. She hit me in the head with a wooden chair and I called the cops but they did nothing. Is this or not consider domestic violence and should she have gone to jail What you are experiencing is considered domestic violence. Filing for a Restraining Order might be a good option for you. WEAVE can offer you legal support and counseling. You can access these services though our Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.
Can WEAVE help me file child custody papers giving CA jurisdiction? I have a child born out of wedlock. If you are a Sacramento County resident, please call our Legal Line at (916) 319-4944 and leave a safe number where we can reach you.  We don’t have enough information at this point to be able to guide you with possible next steps. 
I left my daughters dad he is an physically abusive boyfriend and I am interested in going to a safe house but I’m scared to be alone and I have a job my daughter is only one years old I have no transportation and have no idea who would watch her I’m staying at a friends right now but being here doesn’t help me I want to be all the way away from her dad and get my life together for the sake of my child. What is a safe house like? Is it kind of a big step ? Thank you for reaching out and wanting information on how to keep you and your child safe. WEAVE does offer a confidential safehouse program. The first step would be to call our support and information line and speak to an advocate about your options, and what would be a good fit for yourself and your child. The number to call is 916-920-2952.

I have escaped an abusive relationship. I was married for 18 years. My husband continually assaulted me, rape. When I told people, mainly my Mormon bishop, my husband tried to take the children away from me. The Mormon bishops know everything, even my children have spoken to them, they refused to do anything, saying it was a legal matter for the courts, even though my children told them what was going on.

Please help me get my kids away from this man. They will not talk to me in fear of retaliation. My parents are residents here in CA. My children are in another state. Where can I turn?

Hello, and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for help. If you are a resident of Sacramento County, please call our legal line at 916-319-4944 for consultation on what your options are. You can also call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 for other resources and referrals.

I AM THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARDED SOLE CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN FOR FC 3044. I HAVE TWO OVERLAPPING CLAIMS APPROVED BY CALVCP AND A CIVIL TORT IIED FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ASSAULT. THERE IS NO DEFENSE TO THE ACTION. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE TRIER OF FACT TO DETERMINE. FILED IN PRO PER BUT PARTS KEEP GETTING REJECTED. NEED HELP ON CONTINGENCY.

If you are a resident of Sacramento County, please call (916) 319-4944to reach the Legal Department for a consult. 

 

If you reside in another county, please call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 to find out resources in your county.

Are there any support groups for former victims of domestic violence in the Sacramento area? Hello, and thank you for reaching out to Weave for information regarding groups. WEAVE offers a Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence Group. To get started, first you will need to attend a WEAVE Services Orientation which is held on Tuesday’s @ 11:30am, and Thursday’s @ 5:30pm. The groups are held at 1900 K Street, Sacramento CA, 95811. If you need additional information please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
Hi my name is Lisa I am currently pregnant and my husband is in jail I am staying in a hotel and I am having a hard time paying my rent Hello, and thank you for reaching out for assistance. I have two options for rental assistance programs: The Greater Sacramento Urban League Rental Assistance Program, 916-286-8607 and The Salvation Army, 916-678-4010. If you need further assistance or other referrals please call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You & Good Luck!
The DA put a protective order agains my husband for domestic battery, what can we do to remove it? Our lives have been turned upside down because of this! On the night of the event, my 11year old son called police and told them that dad had slapped me on the face, when talking to police I admitted to my husband slapping me but I said I did not wish to press charges. My husband was still arrested. At court, the DA said that they had spoken to me and I told them that my husband had hit me aggressively, which is a lie, I never spoke to the DA. DA said I did not wish my husband to be released from jail, since he was they issued a protective order against him for 3 years. I NEVER SPOKE TO THE DA. I want my husband back, what can we do? Have you tried talking to the DA to see what your options are? You can call our Information and Support Line and an advocate can provide you with legal referrals that may help you and provide you with the information you need. Good Luck!
My boyfriend bullied me and scared me into adding his name to the title on a property that I bought and paid for with $100% of my money(I have documented proof) He contributed nothing with a promissory note to riemburse me for half the value. He’s been physically violent on at least 4 occasions and finally left my home. He agreed to sign the quitclaim form but backed out. What can I do so that I’m he’s longer legally tied to my property? I need assistance, please. I feel absolutely helpless and cannot afford an attorney. Niki “Please consult an attorney as the scenario you describe may fall across various legal topics and remedies.  If you live in Sacramento County, you can call us at (916) 920-2952 and ask to be connected to our Legal Department.”
So .. My husband and I were out at a festival .. short story is .. I got pretty intoxicated and was being a little difficult in general .. we were arguing walking to leave a friends to go get a bus home and I was pulling on his back pack and I tripped and fell ( I never let go of the bag ) so he fell with me and fell ontop on me … people came running and one guy punched my husband in the side of his head by his ear … they accused him of beating me .. they had the nerve to say he full out “smashed me in the face and knocked me out , then grabbed me by the throat and picked me up … they then chased him so he left 3 on 1 was not fair … I was drunk and I knew one of the people he then called my cousin for some reason then someone called an ambulance and said that stuff so then I get taken to hospital for no reason I had two little scratches on back of my head from falling .. no pictures were taken they even released me to go back home ( where my husband would be) ..while I was in the hospital I guess police called my husband asking him to turn himself in and what not he willingly went in .. told his story of how we both fell and I was grabbing the bag and what not .. they then released him with a condition of no drinking no contact with me and stuff like that … it has been rough .. he is innocent I even went in the next day to make a video statement to show the detective I had no marks on me at all .. im hoping this case just gets dropped .. is that possible due to lack of evidence its really just two witnesses saying they saw this happen and they were on a balcony wasn’t even on ground level … there is no physical evidence no pics no marks we have same statements … I am not the one who is charging him this is not fair to me and my husband to have to be apart for my drunkenness … plus they have now charged the guy who hit my husband but they said in first place he cant be charged because he is a witness .. .. some things just don’t make sense .. I just want this to be over with … is there any chance this will be dropped?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We’re unable to identify which county this incident occurred in. Please contact the DA’s office and speak to the victim advocate in that county. They may be able to advocate for you based on your input to them. 
Good luck!
 

I’m needing help bad my ex raped me multiply times then took my kids but he lives in another state he has been looked at for child rape and raped his little brother how do I get my kids from him???

Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for help. I am sorry to hear that this is going on and that this happened to you. First of all I want to remind you that it is not your fault. You have the option of going to the nearest law enforcement station or calling law enforcement to file a police report for rape and for taking your children, especially if you have legal custody of the children. We also, have a case manager who may provide accompaniment and advocacy during this tough time, if needed. Additionally, we offer 8 free sessions of sexual assault counseling to help you heal. Please call the Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952, so we can get additional information regarding the specifics of the situation and the resources available to help you within your immediate area. Thank you! 

My husband hits me and my kids, but I have no proof and I’m scared he might kill me. Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave for assistance. I’m sorry to hear that you and your children are going through this. It sounds like your situation is pretty scary, and if you need a safe place to go with your children you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate can provide you with referrals and resources for safe housing. If you feel that you or your children’s life is in danger, you do have the choice to call law enforcement. Thank you for reaching out.
My ex boyfriend is highly abusive toward me. He has threatened my life, and he has made terrible comments in front of our six year old. Because he is wealthy, he brags about burying me in court until I run out of funds. I don’t know what to do. Hello, and thank you for reaching out to Weave for assistance. There are a few options for you to consider; you could file for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). The Family Courthouse has a free workshop on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12noon located at 3341 Power Inn Road. Weave also facilitates a workshop for child custody or child support on the 1st Wednesday of each month. If you need additional resources or referrals you can always call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
My husband is physically, and verbally abusive towards me. He said he would not help me with my immigration status he said he would make immigration offices send me back to my country. Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave for assistance. I have found two resources that may be able to assist you: US Citizenship and Immigration Services (800)375-5283, and California Department of Social Services Refugee Programs Bureau (916) 654-4356. If you need additional resources or referrals please call our 24/7 support & information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
I’m being STALKED by a past lover.She works for gov. Me and my son have been on the run for two years.She has found us again.My house, car and truck have been broke. Hello and thank you for taking the time to connect with Weave. I’m sorry you an d your son are going through this. One option you can try, is filing for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). I’m not sure what city of county you are in but, the Sacramento Family Courthouse offers a free TRO workshop on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am to around Noon. The workshop is located at 3341 Power Inn Road. If you need additional resources or information please call our 24/7 support & information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
I’m being stalked .I’m a single dad of one.I just moved here because of the stalker but they found me again.Can you please help me and my son Hi, and thank you for your question of concern. I’m sorry that your experiencing this with your young child. You do have a couple of options, you could file for a TRO (temporary restraining order) at the Family Courthouse located at 3341 Power Inn Road. They offer a free workshop in their self-help computer room on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. Weave also has a Confidential Safehouse Program that is available to women & men. If this is something you are interested in, or you need additional referrals or resources, please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
living in a verbally abusive household I am also in return retrieving and giving the reviews back and he doesn’t get it but I wasn’t given one gotten trying hard is amazing tools to cope how do I find a better student situation when I’m tapped out on the community’s resources and places to stay with out being on streets it scares me to have to look outside again you know the fear of being outside. The person I want to become to be out there what do I do I can pay my rent at SSI I had a felony and no place to take me or go help Hello and thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with your roommate. I found a few resources that may be of help to you. The following resources are single room occupancy hotels: Renee’s Room and Board 916-271-4678, Sequoia Hotel 916-442-8973, and the Shasta Hotel 916-448-7510. If you need additional resources or referrals please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.
Do you deal only with domestic violence against women ? What about domestic violence from women to men? Hello, and thank you for your question. WEAVE helps men and women victims of domestic violence. If you would like more information about our services you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
I came to Weave for help in 2011/ 2012, and through your help was finally able to gather up enough strength after a very physical, sexual, and emotionally abusive marriage and relationship since 1998. I have 4 sons, two of witch are my ex husbands children. I’m not sure what to do, and need some advice. In our divorce I tried to make it as simple as possible. I gave him pretty much everything, and slowly he let go of the boys. When I left I had to run and stay in hiding for a little while. I left him the house because he refused to leave, and didn’t want to ruffle any feathers with him. I had my own place for awhile then met someone and moved in with him. My ex does not help financially, and I did not ask for child support nor did he. We each have 50/50 custody, so as not to upset him, though they have lived with me full time since we moved here. He had never been physically abusive to his “own” two young children, but the other day he text my 15 year old son and then threatened him through a text!! He then attempted to come up to our home because he wanted the right to discipline him physically while he was in a rage!! I did not open the gates to our driveway, and the neighbor saw, and heard the comotion and calmly got him to leave. I let him know I had 911 ready to go if he attempted to jump our fence, and my boyfriend was here!! He has been really pushing lately for me to get the boys passports because he is saying that the world is ending, and he as there parent has the right to be able to get them out of the country. My instinct is screaming…… He is going to take off with my boys!!!! He seems even more unstable then when I was married to him!!! School is due to start in a few weeks, and they go to school in his district near my old home. My boyfriend, or I take them down everyday, but I fear now he will have any chance to take them from school and leave with them, or worse hurt my 15 year old!!! What are my options in this situation??? I am so confused on how to handle this situation, and protect my children from him, and the abuse that he is capable of!! Please any advice will help me get pointed in the right direction!!! Than you J Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave for assistance. I’m sorry that you and your children are going through this, it sounds like you have made a good, stable home for your children. A few options that I can think of that may help you in this situation, one, you may want to consider modifying the custody agreement so that you have full custody. As you mentioned, you have had the children full-time since you moved. Also, you have the option of filing a temporary restraining order. I’m not sure what area you live in, but the family courthouse located at 3341 Power Inn Rd offers a free TRO workshop Mon., Wed., and Fri. from 8:30am-12pm in the self help computer room. You mentioned that your Ex sends threatening texts, you may want to keep them and any other threatening or abusive communications to use when filing the TRO and when trying to modify the custody agreement. I hope this information helps, and if you have any other questions or need additional resources please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
How does weave help there clients? And what if a woman wants to go back? Hello, and thank you for reaching out. WEAVE services include 24/7 telephone support, counseling, support groups, and a confidential safehouse program. The decision for someone to return is totally  their decision, WEAVE does not advise any caller or client to leave or stay with their significant other. If you have any other questions, you can call our support line at 916-920-2952.
I’m 27 and I live with my father. It’s not the most ideal situation for me but right now I don’t have any other options. We get into shouting fights pretty regular. Mostly because he’s controlling and nothing anyone else says is right. Well today he’s been picking at me pretty hard. Of course I yell at him to defend myself I’ve never put my hands on him or hit him in any way. When I was 16 he broke my nose I called the cops but they sided with him even though I was bleeding from my nose pretty bad. Well anyways tonight granted I yelled at him to just leave me alone I don’t care to hear what he has to say. He got irate and threatened to slap me in the face. My question is if I yell at him and he hits me can I call the cops on him or will they just side with him. I think the only reason he doesn’t hit me is because I’ve told him I will call the cops. But if he actually does hit me what can I do?

Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns. I cannot comment on whether or not the cops will side with your father, but if you feel physically threatened you do have the option to call the police, especially if someone physically attacks you. What happens after that, is up to the police. I hope this helps.

I dk what to do anymore. I have been to multiple DV shelters but none will help me. I have a nonverbal autistic son and I can’t work because of this. I keep having to go back to my abusive husband. I am so depressed and I feel so helpless. My son can’t handle staying in the DV shelter living either it gives him a nervous breakdown. Are there any places who can help? Please God I need help! Hello, and thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry that you and your son are feeling helpless, hopefully we can try and help you. I think it would be good if you called our support line and spoke to an advocate, and one of them would be able to get more information about the shelters you stayed at and exactly what you need to keep yourself and your son safe. The support line number is 916-920-2952. Thank You
My boyfriend sometimes slaps me , and grabs me and scratches me. We have an almost 3 month old daughter together, its for that reason I’m unsure if i should leave or not ? I mean he’d never hurt the baby Hello, I’m sorry your going through this situation with your new baby. Making a decision to leave a relationship is hard, and only you can decide to stay or leave. You do have options; you can file a TRO (temporary restraining order) at the family court house on 3341 Power Inn Rd. The courthouse has a free workshop for TRO’s on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. WEAVE offers free support groups, counseling on a sliding scale fee, and a confidential safehouse program. You can call our support line for further information about any of our resources or for other resources or referrals. Thank You & Good Luck.
Also how do I get full custody and renew my restraining order please email me if you can help or know how to help. Hello, thank you for contacting WEAVE. WEAVE offers a free child custody workshop (information only, no paperwork) the 1st Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm. I’m sorry, I’m not sure how to renew restraining orders. I would assume if you go to the courthouse where the TRO was issued, they could better direct you on how to renew.
I have 3 kids 9,5,1 yr old and work full time my boyfriend/baby father just went back to jail for DV but took the rent money and I need help paying my rent and bills till I can get back on my feet and caught up cuz I lost out on 2weeks when this happened I have a yr lease with 6 months left where can I go for help I have no friends or family Hello, I’m sorry to hear your having a hard time, these situations can be really difficult. A found a couple of resources that may be able to assist you. The Greater Sacramento  Urban League offers rental assistance to qualified individuals. You must call 916-286-8607, it is by appointment only. Also, the Salvation Army Family Services helps with rent and utilities. You must call Monday’s from 9am-11:30am & 1pm-4pm for rental assistance. I hope this helps, Good Luck!
My mom was physically abused by my father all through my child hood. I had to grow up witnessing the abuse he caused her, and myself when i would try to protect her. My mother has suffered through his abuse physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am an adult now, and i live with them in there home. They are going through a divorce because of another woman he has in another country, which the other woman is living in my parents home that they have in Nicaragua. We live in the US in another home that they own. He refuses to leave the house and i have to witness the emotional and mental turmoil he is still causing. Is there anything that weave can help me with to be able to help my mom? Hello, thank you for reaching out with your concerns about your mom. I’m sorry you had to witness this abuse growing up, and now. Your mom has a few options, if she’s ready, she could file for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) at the family courthouse. They offer a free workshop in their self-help computer room Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. The courthouse is located at 3341 Power Inn Road. Also, WEAVE offers a Confidential Safehouse Program. To be considered for the safehouse, your mother can call the 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952, and complete a screening. If you need additional referrals or resources please call the support line. Good Luck!
My husband was charged w/ domestic violence because the police filed charges. Why can my Husband make this charge disappear from his record? I feel like I’m running out of time! He seems to think he can do whatever he wants to me once his probation period is over. I’m really scared of him! He’s willing to do anything illegal to me! But, I can’t fight that! I’m not able to be like him! How can I protect myself from a liar & criminal??!! Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for your questions and concerns. Your situation sounds scary and you do have the option to file a restraining order for protection, if that is something you would like to do. There is a free workshop held at the Family Courthouse located at 3341 Power Inn Road, in the self-help computer room. The time of the workshop is Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. If you have any other questions or need additional referrals, please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.
Husband was verbally terrorizing our two daughters. I stepped in and we got into it. He shoved me down, I hit the floor on my bottom, hit my head on our thick glass table….he’s a BIG guy, and it could have been so much worse but should I still get checked out.
1. Because my right side of my head is throbbing (no cuts or bleeding, I don’t think). But hurts and my rear hurts and my left hand where I braced myself….I also NEED my hands for my job and can’t have injuries there.ughh.My 5 .5 yr old daughter saw him shove me down.
2. For proof.
Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns. I am not a medical professional, so I can’t advise you medically, but if you feel that you may be injured then it’s better to go to be sure. Also, if you have a head injury, you could have unseen injuries. It’s really your call, but from what you describe I would go just to be safe. I hope this helped.

The DA served a no contact restraining order on my boyfriend. Is there any way they can find out that we still text and call each other if i don’t report him?
Subject:
Domestic Violence
Additional comments:
I am also 17 about to turn 18 . And he is 19. Is there a way I can get this order lifted ?
 
Thank You for contacting Weave with your concerns. I am not an officer of the law, so I cannot advise you on whether or not the DA will find out about your contact. You can call the DA’s office and inquire about getting the order lifted, they would have better knowledge of the questions you need answered. If you need additional referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You & Good Luck!

I don’t know where to go to file for divorce because we can’t afford to live apart. I’m also concerned for our 4 teenage children. While they get angry in the moment & their dad to leave, they get angry with me when I tell them I’m going to divorce their father. They’re angry with me for “destroying our family”, telling me that it’s going to be ok. I feel guilty because that’s when I’ve been saying for most of their lives. After our angry fight Saturday night, I know I can’t put our children through this anymore. They deserve so much better. More & more, I’m scared for my children, that one of these days he’s going to hurt them.
Subject:
Domestic Violence
Additional comments:
It’s difficult for me to click the “Domestic Violence” tab because my husband has never been physically violent with me. It’s always been emotional/verbal abuse. We’ve been married for 20 years a few weeks ago & most of our marriage has been rocky. We’ve had a few good times, but they never last. I believe my husband is an alcoholic. He gets drunk every night & the fights start whenever my children or (more often) I ask if he’s been drinking. We already know the answer, his eyes are a major giveaway. He’ll look at me with his glassed over eyes & angrily say that he’s tired & that we don’t appreciate how hard he works to support our family. That’s when he’ll go to our room & pass out.
While he has never hit me, he’s pushed me away when I get too close to him. He does get physical with our children when they confront him. It can be when he’s drunk or if they don’t do a chore he’s given them. If they don’t do the chore immediately, he goes from sweet daddy to yelling psycho.
I do have to admit that I used to drink with him. I stopped drinking completely on March 29, 2015 after an argument that got so out of control, the police were nearly called. I decided my kids deserve much better than they were getting from me. It’s been since then that my husband has started drinking more, hiding his alcohol somewhere on the property we’re renting. If our kids find a bottle that’s still got alcohol in it, then pour it out. I don’t even know where he gets money for alcohol since I control the finances. We only have 1 account, my personal & I get alerts on my phone if he (uses his phone) spends more than $5.00 .
I just want out of my marriage & am afraid of how I’ll be able to support our children without his paycheck. I only get $685/month in SSI for my Muscular Dystrophy. & I know from experience how difficult it is to get money from him. If it hadn’t been for me, his former wife would never have received the child support she deserved for their son. He’s even told me that if I divorce him, he’ll make sure I don’t get a dime from him. He told me Saturday night that our minivan is his & as he’s said many times before, that I’m a crippled piece of shiz.
How do I get away from my husband & still be able to take care of our children?
 
Hello, thank you for reaching out to weave with your concerns for your family. I’m really sorry you and your children are going through this abuse. I know you mentioned that it was hard for you to push the domestic violence button because your husband never got physical with you. There are actually five types of abuse, and physical is only one of them. The others include financial, sexual, spiritual, and mental/verbal abuse. Any one of these categories classify as domestic violence. If you are interested in starting your divorce in Sacramento County, you can attend one of our divorce workshops for information and paperwork on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30p-7:30pm, or the 4th Thursday of the month from 3:00p-5:00pm. If you need any additional referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
I have been threatened and am being terrorized by my husband and his family. Local police did not help me and I cannot get a lawyer to take my case. I have moved to a different state because of the threats. My husband threatened to burn our home to the ground and he did so a few days ago. He has made it look like an accident but I know he did it. He and his family are out to get me and I do not know where to turn for help. He never does or says anything where I can prove it but instead gets me so upset that I say things in writing that can probably get me in trouble and make it look like I am the one causing the problems. He has turned my son against me and keeps trying to turn others in my family against me. I need help and don’t know where to turn. Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. It sounds like a scary situation to be in, but hopefully this information will guide you in the right direction. Unfortunately, you didn’t mention which state you relocated to, so to further assist you please call our 24/7 support and information line so that an advocate can assist you with referrals or resources in your area. Thank You & Good Luck!!!
My husband has hit me twice in our marriage of 5 years. When he becomes upset I get scared he might hit me again one day. We have three kids together. I am only 23 years old and he is the one that works. He is a very jealous guy and I do not have any male friends and I do not go out with out him. Lately he has been getting a temper again. Except he isn’t afraid to show in front of the kids. I need some type of help to know what I should do. No one in my family knows so I don’t have anyone to talk to about this with. Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. I’m really sorry you and your family are going this, but hopefully we can guide you in the right direction. First, you do have options whether you are looking for counseling, safe shelter, or just someone to talk to. You can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate would be more than happy to assist you, and help guide you in the right direction. Good Luck!

I cant even find the message i posted a few days ago. Is there a way to search for it? Are all messages posted? I am a lesbian in an abusive relationship and need help finding a place to live on my disability payments. I am having no luck anywhere and things here are getting worse and worse everyday. today she called a lawyer and was told tht she could NOt evict me. I am on the lease. that just pissed her off even more and she took it out on me and is now screaming thru the house, leave bitch just leave, and things like that. I would leave if i had a place to go and place I could afford. Its scary here.IN june she asked me to leave within 6 month, then last week she told me leave in 30 days but every day she is hassling me to leave. today she told me to just kill myself, noone wants me around and it would solve so many problems. It is very difficult to find a work from home job here in california, and it is all I can really do. my disability just doesn’t give me enough money to afford rent, unless i can find a place that allows me to pay 30 %, but those are not available and the wait lists is 6 mo to 2 years long. I don’t have that kind of time. If you can please email information. Know that I cannot come and stand in line forever I am 530 lbs and can barely walk so standing in line for services is not an option. I have no car, and no way to get around. Its very difficult for me to pay someone to haul me around. I have contacted an agency IHSS to help with having someone to take me to dr appts and such, but the social worker said she wouldnt be able to interview me til august sometime. anyway i could go on and on but I will stop there. Please help.
Shauna
Subject:

Domestic Violence
LGBTQ

Additional comments:
I am a lesbian in an abusive relationship and need help finding a place to live on my disability payments. I am having no luck anywhere and things here are getting worse and worse everyday. today she called a lawyer and was told tht she could NOt evict me. I am on the lease. that just pissed her off even more and she took it out on me and is now screaming thru the house, leave bitch just leave, and things like that. I would leave if i had a place to go and place I could afford. Its scary here.IN june she asked me to leave within 6 month, then last week she told me leave in 30 days but every day she is hassling me to leave. today she told me to just kill myself, noone wants me around and it would solve so many problems. It is very difficult to find a work from home job here in california, and it is all I can really do. my disability just doesnt give me enough money to afford rent, unless i can find a place that allows me to pay 30 %, but those are not available and the wait lists is 6 mo to 2 years long. I dont have that kind of time. Know that I cannot come and stand in line forever I am 530 lbs and can barely walk so standing in line for services is not an option. I have no car, and no way to get around. Its very difficult for me to pay someone to haul me around. I have contacted an agency IHSS to help with having someone to take me to dr appts and such, but the social worker said she wouldnt be able to interview me til august sometime. anyway i could go on and on but I will stop there. Please help.
Shauna
 
Hello, and thank you for contacting weave with your questions and concerns. I’m sorry that you are going through abuse in your relationship. I believe it will be beneficial for you to call our support line, and an advocate can offer you resources and referrals that may help you transition to independence. The number to get started is 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.
My husband is a sociopath. I have somewhere for my daughter and I to go but I have no access to money. We can move in with my Mom but I can’t put her in financial straights to get us there. Are there any organizations that help financially? Also, because people believe his lies, I feel like no one believes me where we live. I have no help to pack up a truck and leave. I’m really trying to problem solve, but he has isolated me and convinced me to quit my job. I have no money whatsoever. Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your questions. I’m really sorry you and your family are going through this hardship. I know that trying to find financial assistance can be hard. One option you may have, is to contact the California Victim Compensation Program at 800-777-9229 for details on relocation benefits. If you need additional resources, you can call our 24/7 support line and an advocate can assist you. Thank You and Good Luck.
My mother in law is in a emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. She is trying to leave but has some health problems and doesn’t want to leave her kids behind ( ages 16 and 10) with their father. It hasn’t been physical, but he has kicked holes in the wall. Does this program help if there is non physical abuse? Hello, and thank you for contacting us in regards to your mother-in-law and her safety. Domestic violence does not only include physical abuse, there are 5 different types of abuse including physical, mental & verbal, sexual, financial, and spiritual. So, to answer your question, yes our program assists victims who has suffered abuse other than physical abuse. Weave also offers a confidential safehouse program, if that is something your mother-in-law is interested in. For more information or additional resources, and referrals, please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.
My ex boyfriend showed up at my house and physically hurt me and I ended up in the er. The police were called it went to court, crown counsel said he was pleading guilty. He never got arrested the nite of the incident. In court, he got no criminal record. And got a peace bond. With conditions. So he can hurt a woman. Put her in the hospital and nothing happens to him. How is this right Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. Unfortunately, I can’t explain why the decision was made not to charge him, I assume that was scary to hear. You have an option to file a TRO at the family court house on Power Inn Road. They hold a free workshop on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:30am-12pm. If you need additional resources or referrals you can call our support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.
I need some help getting over what i have been through, I’ve been drugged without my consent and used in a game by the one person i thought loved me. i did everything he wanted me to do, and for some reason i was all wrong. and i feel like i deserved what i got, and he hit me and choked me out and tried to silence me for good. i hate thinking and wishing i could have him back, but i don’t want him back but i miss the man i fell in love with. i hope you guys can help me with the problem in my life and i hope to get some answers. i don’t know where to start or what to do anymore… Hello, I’m sorry for what you went through, it sounds like a scary situation. If you would like to see a counselor and talk about what your going through and how your feeling, the first thing you would do is attend a free triage assessment on Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. Our office is located at 1900 K. Street. If you need additional resources or referrals, we have a 24/7 support and information line, 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.

My husband is abusive both physically and emotionally. We have been living together for almost 3 yrs now but only married for 1.5yrs. I have been unemployed the entire relationship. I brought nothing of value into the relationship. We haven’t made big purchases together except one. He does very well for himself and he was already established when we met. I moved into his house that he’s lived in for a decade.

I have pictures of bruises from the aftermath of one of the assaults but no police report from that incident. I also did not go to the doctor or hospital. There were witnesses to the bruises, but they are his family members and they told me it was my fault. He assaulted me in the shower.

I am unsure of my legal rights and I may not have the money for a divorce attorney. He has access to top lawyers and friends in high (and low) places. I live in Texas and he has guns in the house. I am afraid that if I came into the relationship with nothing that I will end up with nothing, except emotional scars and the burden of starting my life over from scratch. I have a degree and I’ve been searching for a job ever since I got my work visa. I have no family in TX and the one friend who still talks to me, after all the drama he causes, is going through her own divorce (online, uncontested, no kids, no assets, no lawyer) and is relying on the kindness of people she barely knows for a place to live. I feel very isolated and scared of what he could do to me if I leave, while making it look like an accident, and I’m worried he will lie and twist everything in his favor so I will be left in the dirt. I’ve been terrorized, traumatized, physically assaulted, verbally and emotionally abused but how would anyone believe me when his family, friends, and coworkers all think he’s such a wonderful man? We don’t have kids, thank god! I need help planning my escape. I will probably need therapy too but I don’t have the means right now. And I need to know how not to get screwed over.

I am angry at myself for trusting this man so completely and for not protecting myself better, thinking that this exact position I’ve found myself in, couldn’t happen to me. Please help.

Hello, and thank you for reaching out on our message board. I’m sorry your having such a hard time in your relationship, and no support.There is an online resource that may be helpful to you. It is a website and search engine for national domestic violence shelters. You can search by address, city, state, or zip code. It also includes safety planning and other information regarding domestic violence. The website is https://www.domesticshelters.org. Thank you and Good Luck.
I have a friend the Sacramento area that is trying to extricate herself from an abusive relationship but she has 2 cats and is very concerned about what will happen to them. Currently they are with the abuser. Is there anyone or a service that can foster these cats while she tries to get on her feet? Hello, and thank you for your message. I found two resources that may be helpful for your friend. The City of Sacramento Animal Care Services provides referrals for boarding, their number is 808-PETS (7387). Also, a Safe Place for Pets is an online  search engine to find safe place to house pets, safeplaceforpets.org. I hope this information is helpful. Thank You.
I’m disabled with a traumatic brain injury from four blows to my head when he punched me, and just from the first blow 5 yrs ago & hitting my head on the cement. I developed a deadly seizure disorder called”epileptic focus disorder” where i go unconscious, i take life saving medication daily. I’ve been living with him 14 years, and last year he took me on a years ride of an eviction,stop ,start,calling it off and back on again,this last time I lost in court. It was illegal for judge to not see that he’s abusive, and within the housing authority he cant evict his victim, and also some law president Obama put into house rules. Were having serious problems,my counselor and dr. have all recordings i have of his death threats and hits on my life,he even said bitch ill drag you back outside and give you another brain injury. How do i break this cycle? He says he just stopped the write of eviction,and all he has to do is call his attorney to send the sheriff right out here to lock me out. IS THAT TRUE? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE AT LEAST RESPOND TO THIS QUESTION AND ALSO CAN I GET SPOUSAL SUPPORT MONEY FROM HIM WITHOUT TURNING HIM IN AND MAKING POLICE REPORTS?I DON’T WANT TO SEND HIM TO JAIL,ILL JUST FORGET ANY SUPPORT THEN,BUT ITS NOT FAIR HOW HE CAN BREAK MY DENTURES I WEAR IN FIRST PLACE WHEN HE KNOCKED SO MANY TEETH LOOSE.
can somebody help me please?he controls me,neglect
Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave with your concerns. It sounds like you are having a real hard time with your significant other, and not getting the answers you need. According to what you said in your message, it sounds like he can’t evict you. If you would like information about a divorce, Weave does offer free legal workshops in regards to divorce. To start your divorce in Sacramento County, there’s a workshop on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm, and the 4th Thursday from 3:00pm-5:00pm. The workshops are for the purpose of information and paperwork, and held at 1900 K. Street. If you would like additional resources or referrals you can call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
How do I get the DA to press domestic violence charges against the person who assaulted me, and wasn’t arrested. Do to them being on a 5150 hold, which they claimed true only as they were handed the emergency retraining order which was served to them. Hello, and I’m sorry your having a hard time with your case. I’m not in a position to advise you how to get the DA to press charges, but you may want to contact the DA to find out why charges are not being filed. They can better explain the reasoning behind why charges are not being filed. If you need additional support you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank You
Hello! So I called last night (6/16) and I just wanted to thank who I talked to. I was calling because one of my closest friends had been raped and she didn’t want to report it, even though she’s 16 and the man (who has just gotten out of prison for messing around with small children, and still has an ankle bracelet on) is 27. The woman I talked to was extremely helpful with me in deciding how to help my friend, and I’m glad I filed a report. So, thank you Jan. If I can I’d like to send her a “thank you” card, though I’m not sure where I’d address it to? I know this isn’t really a question, but I appreciate any answer that I get. Thank you.  
I am the Father of two boys with special needs. On 5/19/2015 The Superior Court of California County of Sacramento was able to take notice of the DVPA-RO entered 9/26/14 against the mother based on findings that she perpetrated both Domestic Violence and Child Abuse, per Family Code 3044, the court granted sole legal and physical custody to the father. The court adopted FCS Report (A76.392) as the court order, effective immediately.

ALL BENEFITS ARE FROZEN!

The mother was the payee and has been financially abusive, currently she is withholding benefits from the beneficiary, on 9/26/14 the court found the mother to be the primary cause of discord. She was ordered to report to Probation to register for Batterers Treatment and Anger Management but refused to do so. She was ordered to foster a feeling of affection between father and sons, and do nothing to injure the opinion of their father or impair the natural development of love and respect for their father. Child Protective Services records reflect that both children clearly disclosed that their mother asked them to spy on their father, attempted to coach and negatively influence the children against their father. The mother has a verified history of filing false reports to CPS. The mother and all occupants in her home have a verified history of angry and violent behavior towards the father in front of the children. The mother has a verified history of using the children as pawns in her war against the father.

Due to the above conditions my two children and I request that SSA expedite processing of this claim due to presumptive disability and dire need. In order for my children and I to get back on track and ride out the storm of being with the parent that has been alienated from it is necessary for us to request additional benefits in the form of an Emergency Lump Sum Critical Payment. I have a duty to my sons for us all to remain together and get the help we need for this transition to be successful. Giving up is not an option at this time.

With both children having special needs, Autism Spectrum Disorder and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and with my diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder with Anxiety related to Battered Spouse Syndrome, we have a long road ahead of us. The authorities involved believe that even with my mental health issues I am functional to the point of being able to parent the children. I have been in therapy or in training for psychology since March of 2008 and have clinical training in Social Model Behavior Modification and Emergency Psychiatrics. I am even a former EMT and SART Advocate for WEAVE. Currently enrolled online at the University of Phoenix. I have 6 more classes after the current one I am in now before I graduate.

With our disabilities making it difficult to work and the need for excessive transportation to and from various forms of therapy, both children will be attending different schools and needing appropriate and constant supervision and redirection, transportation to and from supervised parenting time for the mother began 6/3/15, planned interactions with family, friends, and recreation outside the home requires resources that we are not receiving at this time. In order for Artemus to maintain rapport he has established with his teachers it will be my responsibility, due to the fact I live outside his school district, to transport him the 25 mile roundtrip to school and again to pick him up.

During the 2014/2015 school year Maximos school records reflect a child who was frequently sent out of the classroom for defiant, aggressive, impulsive, disruptive, and disgusting behavior. He was expelled from his school and placed on independent studies at home where his negative behavior was encouraged. His current IEP is being evaluated by a team of Forensic Psychologists between two school districts with the conclusion that he qualifies as being Severely Emotionally Disturbed suggests a medication evaluation and being seen by both a psychiatrist and psychologist in addition to a family therapist in order to help with aggression with father and siblings. It will be my responsibility for transportation since I live outside the school district of origin.

My vehicle needed immediate repairs in order to be reliable. Registration is due, Insurance needs to be paid up on 6/15/15, and new tires soon. Gas and routine Maintenance.

There are of course the pending attorney fees, in order to guarantee our stability and safety I used all the retainer fees to get where we are now. The next court dates on 7/14/15 is the Settlement Conference Order to Show Cause and then the Trial for Order to Show Cause is set for 7/23/15 where Child Support, Domestic Violence Alimony, Therapy Reimbursement, Restitution, and Attorney fees, plus anything else the court sees fit to award, will be determined followed by a civil tort for IIED to determine pain and suffering in September. Victim Witness for CalVCP will also be scheduled later in the year.

With relocation assistance for emotional trauma by CalVCP approved I relocated to a nicer apartment in anticipation of getting custody. I have no roommates to share this cost. There are monthly utilities for SMUD, Internet, PG&E, the cost of Water, Sewer, and Garbage are covered in the cost of the Rent. There is a need for another bed and other furniture items plus linens.

We also have an Emotional Support Dog that lives with us, she has participated in every supervised exchange of the children to date in order to ease the effects of emotional abuse and echolalia. Her name is Zoey and she travels with us just about every place we go. She will need updated vet services, shots, registration and licensing, food, additionally a harness vest that displays she is a Support Animal will be needed.
Hello, and thank you fro contacting Weave with your concerns. It sounds like you have been doing everything needed to try and take care of your family, and I commend you for that. If I read correctly, it seems like you may need some additional resources or referrals. If so, you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and speak to an advocate who can assist you. Thank You and Good Luck!
My daughter lives in California. Her husband was arrested for domestic violence last month and she got a restraining order against him. Today she got a letter saying the charges were dropped due to lack of proof to convict. Does this mean he can get the restraining order dropped? Also, at the last hearing, the judge said the no contact order would stand until the next hearing in August. But even though he’s violating it, and contacting her nonstop, the police department in Roseville says there is nothing they can do. They say the order was never served, even though he was in the courtroom at the same time she was. She has copies of the order, which she brought to the police station, and they told her to bring it up at the next hearing. So, essentially, he will get to harass her until the August hearing. We are wondering what good the order is, if he can violate it with no consequences. The judge seems to think it means something, but the police do not. It’s very disheartening, as I am across the country from her, there is a child involved and she seems at a loss to advocate for herself. Hello, and thank you for contacting weave regarding your daughter. I’m sorry she’s having difficulties with law enforcement. According to courts.ca.gov, Until the other side has been properly “served,” the judge cannot make any permanent orders.  Remember, so far, you have a temporary restraining order, which runs out the day of your court hearing unless the judge extends it or gives you a “permanent” restraining order. If your daughter needs a safe place to stay, other resources, or referrals she can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate will be happy to assist her. Thank you and Good Luck!
My son is almost 20 and lives with us.He doesn’t work and just hangs around.Also he has a nasty temper.Tonight he argued with me over something that had nothing to do with him. He smashed my computer and has threatened to blacken my eye.He spits on me.I had him arrested at 17 .The cops wont help me .I want him gone but my husband is afraid of him and wont kick him out .What can I do? Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave with your concerns. I’m sorry you are going through this with your son. As a parent, you have an option to get a domestic violence restraining order. There is a workshop at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:30am-12pm in the self-help computer room. If you need additional referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate will be more than happy to assist you. Thank you and Good Luck!
My husband pushed me out of his way tonight and I felt very violated. He gets very upset at me about the state of our kitchen, and we had just returned home from a trip. The kitchen was not “perfect,” and he was attempting to put away groceries. I started to help him, and he huffily told me to leave it to him (since he has a “Way” that I do not understand of putting them away.) Then I happened to be in his way, trying to get our toddler son out the door to play, and he shoved me out of the way. This has never happened before, although I have felt his scorn regarding the kitchen building. This happened after a very nice weekend away (the off and on pattern has happened for some years now…some loving days followed by very distant irritable days). After I cried in front of our toddler and took a walk to cool off, I came home and he apologized but I asked to go to counseling and he seemed to turn it on me, that it was my fault (that I couldn’t keep the kitchen clean). I am trying to understand if I should forgive this incident or see it as a warning sign, or if this is emotional abuse. Hello, thank you for your message and questions. I’m sorry that you are feeling this way, but I’m glad you asked for clarification. Some examples of emotional abuse could include: name calling, isolation, blame, humiliation, manipulation, and crazy making, just to name a few. If you are interested, Weave does offer a free intimate partner violence support group that covers a range of topics pertaining to domestic violence. To get started with group you would need to attend a free triage assessment Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you have any questions or need further assistance you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
I need shelter info that will allow me to take my pets. I can’t leave them behind. My daughter’s health would plummet.
Are there any?
Also I work full time would the shelter be able to get me to my and from public transportation?
Please offer me hope. I’ve had to many damn doors shut in my face. I also don’t want to hear anyone tell me to have the adult dog put dw
Thank you for reaching out to Weave for support. If you would like information or referrals to shelters that accept pets, please call our information and support line and an advocate could help you find shelters to accommodate your situation. The support line number is 916-920-2952. Thank you and good luck!

  My ex has violently and sexually abused me even during pregnancy. I have a restraining order in place until 2017. He presently was released from prison and has been leaving me phone messages, which I ignore. Because of my abuse I suffer from anxiety and sometimes stutter. He moved to the county were I was in, so I ran away with my toddler. I am now in Galt and homeless and without a car. What can I do???

Hello! Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this matter and I am sorry you experienced this traumatic event. Please call us at our Information and Support Line and if you are interested in talking to an advocate who can explain you in depth referrals and resources available within your area. The advocate can also explain to you more about our safe shelter and go over the process to see if you qualify. Additionally, we offer 8 free sessions of counseling to those who have experienced sexual assault at our business location. You can do so by attending our free walk-in triage assessment which is available every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm.

I am doing a school project regarding topics that have to do with human services help,for someone who wants to be helped, what is the application procedure they need to do to be accepted and the eligibility criteria as well? Last but not least, what kind of services are provided for them? Thank you very much Hello there! For someone who is looking for shelter through WEAVE, we offer a confidential safehouse for those escaping domestic violence and sexual assault. They would need to complete a screening over the phone, and upon approval the caller would be given information on what steps to take from there. If you have anymore questions or need resources you can call our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952. Thank you for your interest.
I need a place to send my daughter-in-law to seek some counseling, as it is my son who is abusing her. Hello, and thank you for reaching out for assistance with you daughter-in-law. I want to commend you for helping her, although it is your son who is the abuser. If she would like to seek counseling through WEAVE, the first step is for her to attend our triage assessment. The days and times are Tuesday and Thursday between 12pm-2pm, and Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you or your daughter-in-law needs any additional resources or referrals you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank you and Good Luck.
I am a man in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. I would like to get help but I don’t know where to start. I would like to know what resources are available to me. I would also like to know if there are any resources to help my wife (as an abuser). Hello, and thank you for contacting us in your time of need. If it is counseling that you are looking for, weave offers individual, couples, and group counseling. To begin you would need to attend one of our triage assessments at 1900 K. Street on Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you are looking for a safe place to go to you can call our 24/7 support and information line for additional referrals and/or resources. The number is 916-920-2952. Thank you and I wish you the best.
Is it considered domestic violence if the violence or person isn’t a partner ? Would me and my children be able to stay in the safe house if were homeless and afraid of my brother ? It is considered to be domestic violence when two people are involved in a intimate relationship and one or both people are being abused. Unfortunately, our shelter only accepts those escaping domestic violence from an intimate partner. If you would like others referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for almost 5 years. We’ve been through problems of cheating and lying and trust issues like crazy. But recently we got back together i guess because we have a 2month old together When we found out, of course we wanted to set the past aside and make it work for our little one. But I don’t know what to do anymore. Throughout our 5 years of dating, domestic violence has been an issue. He’s hit me several times before. He’s hit me so bad my lips were so swollen. He’s hit me so bad that I had a black eye and his hand mark on my neck. He’s hit me so hard I’ve actually been knocked out by him. And as stupid as I am, I let him back in my life every time. I know it’s a dumb things to do. And i’m proof that he will never change because today, he hit me again. To the point that I have a black eye and a swollen jaw. Also, minor cuts on my wrists and my legs my fighting him back. It all started because I was, according to him, being a bitch and nagging him about money. For the past 5 years, i’ve pretty much been supporting him financially. He had his own business, which I often helped fund when he didn’t’ have the fund. It closed down. After that he was just hustling really. He won’t get a 9-5 job which really frustrates me because our baby needs stuff. But anyways, it seems like he always comes back to me when he’s down and out. But then once we get in a huge fight, and he has money to leave, he leaves to go mess around and spends his money on drinking and partying. And when he comes back once he’s out again, he just gets comfortable being with me because I have money. It’s no different this time. He’s been out of a job for the past 2 months. He quit because our baby was born. I do everything. I cook, I clean, I pay the bills. All through my disability and savings. He does some online sales because that brings nothing. Last month, he gave me 100 dollars. I always bring it up: that once he gets money he ups and leaves me because it’s easy to leave. Why doesn’t he just pitch in to help me?
He keeps saying, he’ll do more, he’ll do more. But never does. So today,we got in that huge fight and left again. He even hit me and pulled my hair while I was holding our baby.
What do I do? I used to want to make it work because I wanted us to be a family. but not anymore. How do I say no to him? I’m so scared to say no to him because he gets so violence. And he’s told me repeatedly that he’s going to kill me. If I get the authorities involved he will kill me and my family. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared for my life and my baby’s life and my family. Please help What should I do? And now with my 2month old baby, what should I do?
I’m really sorry to hear that you are suffering from this abuse at the hands of someone you love. When children are in involved it makes your decision to leave much more harder. It sounds like you are going through the cycle of violence. First, there’s a lot of tension building, walking on egg shells, trying to reason and satisfy. Then, the explosion, maybe physical abuse, police being called, he/she may leave, or even fight back. Lastly, the honeymoon is when the abuser will apologize, promises they will never do it again, blames the drugs/alcohol, and/or buys you gifts. If you would like to learn more about intimate partner violence, Weave offers a support group. First you would need to attend triage on Tuesday or Thursday between 12-2pm, or Wednesday between 5-7pm. Weave also offers a confidential safehouse. To get started you would need to call the 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 and complete a screening. You can also call this number at any time for additional resources and support. Good luck and try to stay safe.
my parents are physically abusive. I am over the age of 18 and have my own income, but they make sure I can’t save any money. they are moving and I don’t want to go with them. is there any help I can find to get into a new place of my own if I can afford to maintain it after the fact? I really don’t want to go with them, it gets worse by the month.. but I don’t have anyone around here to help. I tried moving out once, but they forced me to come home.. so now I can’t go to a shelter or anything because I have so many belongings to take with me. Thank you for reaching out for assistance at this difficult time in your life. I’m not sure exactly what it is your looking for, but I have a resource you can start with. Housing Now, 916-549-1044, provides housing resources, they have a database of affordable housing options, and they will assist with the applications. If you need additional resources or referrals you can always call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I just found out that my brother has physically abused his girlfriend and my younger brother. He is a heavy drinker and they both live with him. There are 3 instances that I am now aware of:

1. At Christmas – my abusive brother and girlfriend showed up and the girlfriend had a noticeable limp, She told us that she tripped and injured herself. She just let us know that this was due to a fight my abusive brother and her had.

2. A month ago – my younger brother texted me and told me that the abusive brother and him got into a fight. He minimized was happened and said that they were “good” now. I just found out that the fight was worse than he said – and that the girlfriend had to jump on my abusive brother and pull him off as he was strangling and punching him. I believe that my younger brother minimized it because he does not want me to react and he wants us all to continue to be “bros”.

3. This week – my wife got a text from my brother’s girlfriend saying that they got in a really bad fight. He was also drunk. She said she was screaming out for help, but no one came to her aid. Also, he was strangling her – she said that her chest was also swollen. She said she is tired of the treatment but still loves him. (textbook victim) When he leaves (next week) to go to a funeral – she says she is going to leave (and we have encouraged her to do that). Yet, I have a weird feeling that she will not.

From what I understand – he always starts crying and saying he is going to commit suicide after he has these violent breakouts. He is highly manipulative of both of their feelings.

To compound everything – I am going to a funeral next weekend to someone who was very special to me. The abusive brother, at the last minute, has decided to go and wants to share a room with me and is insisting on it. I want to go to this and am trying to keep my mouth shut as I want to celebrate the person who passed. What’s really disturbing, the abusive brother called me the next morning to ask to stay with me and acted like nothing even happened the night before. I am conflicted and absolutely sick about this.

Further, the following week, I am suppose to fly out to attend my younger brother’s high school graduation and stay with the abusive brother and his girlfriend. (I am cancelling this trip.)

I want to confront him – but I do not want him to retaliate on my younger brother and his girlfriend. That is why I am have not yet said anything and it is making me sick. I am really conflicted on when I should confront him – as I do not want anyone to get hurt. Any advice?

Hello, and thank you for reaching out for help. It sounds like your situation is really hard, especially being caught in the middle of family violence. Sometimes it can be difficult for a victim to leave their abuser, because some hold on to the hope that the abuser will change. Also, abusers can be very manipulative, especially when they know the victim is trying to leave. Hopefully, the girlfriend will find a safe to go, and now that your younger brother is graduating maybe he to can find a safe place. Weave does offer a confidential safehouse if the girlfriend is interested. You, the girlfriend, or your younger brother can call our 24/7 support and information line and speak to an advocate for resources, or if you just need emotional support. The number to call is 916-920-2952, good luck with your family.
I am a victim of domestic violence. But my abuser is 13, and my step daughter, I am 48. The police say it’s a parenting issue. My husband allows her to put me down, call me names, and even hit me with a outdoor swing. Can I press charges against her ? Typically domestic violence involves abuse by a partner or spouse, so maybe that’s why the police told you it’s a parenting issue. You can call the police and explain the abuse you are suffering at the hands of your step daughter and ask them what your options are, and if you could press charges. You do have the right to be safe in your own home. You can also call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and speak to an advocate for more resources. Thank you for you inquiry.
I am a 27 year old pregnant mother of one 6 year old boy and expecting my second in December. I am severely verbally and physically abused and this weekend again I was a prisoner while my son was at his biological dad’s house and I was at the hands and fists of the man I live with who is also the father of my child. I keep getting pregnant even though I don’t want to because I am so severely abused that I’ve suffered 3 miscarriages since last July but I believe that the man I am with likes me pregnant because I am considered high risk so I have to stay home and I cannot work or do anything for myself making it impossible for me to get away. I am so scared that even all my trips to the ER for my miscarriages and twice where he has beat me I can’t tell the nurses or doctors what he’s done because he stays right with me. In December I tried to call 911 and had to hang up so the operator called back, he answered and found out I had called telling the operator our son made the call then he beat me so bad that I could not see. He took me to the ER but threatened me to stay quiet. Because I’m pregnant, do not have my own car, he locks me inside of a gate at home, and no phone or job of my own I don’t know how to get away but I am so scared. What do I do? He has pulled guns and knives on me and I know that if he finds out I’m leaving or thinks he will be caught he would probably kill me…. Please someone help me. I am in Rancho Cordova… If I call the hotline tomorrow will someone answer collect if I can get out??? Hello, and I’m sorry you are living in fear with your children. Weave’s support line does not except collect calls, but we do have a toll free number you can call at 1-866-920-2952. You can also try the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Good luck and hope to hear from you soon.
My cousin is 23 and in a very controlling relationship. it’s new, only about 2 months but he gets very angry and blames her for his own actions. i don’t believe he has been physically abusive with her but I’m afraid this could become a dangerous situation for her in the future. I know I can’t just tell her to break up with him. What can I do to get her out of this? I’m worried about her. Thank you for reaching out to get help for your family. These situations can be very difficult, especially when trying to help a loved one. You can offer your cousin emotional support and provide her with the number to Weave’s 24/7 confidential support and information line which is 916-920-2952. She can speak with an advocate about the issues she’s having in her relationship, as well as offer her more resources if needed. If your cousin is open, she can also attend one of weave’s free triage assessments and sign up for free intimate partner violence support groups. Triage hours are Tuesday or Thursday 12pm-2pm. and Wednesday 5pm-7pm. Thank you for your question and good luck with your cousin.
Hello, I’m trying to leave a domestic violence relationship. He is on drugs, and he turns into a monster. I’m afraid to call the sheriff’s because I’m afraid of his family. He has 2 strikes and is constantly accusing me of cheating and saying I’m not at work. Twice now he has showed up to my job. I work from 530pm to 230am and I wanted to know if I tried to go to a safe house with my kids 10yrs and 9months would they turn me away because of my work schedule? I’m so over the verbal and mental abuse. I’m exhausted and sick everyday. Hello, it’s sounds like your pretty exhausted from your situation. Drugs is a major contributor to domestic violence, and the actions of an abuser on drugs can be scary. I understand you have an unusual work schedule, but every situation is taken into consideration. I’m not going to say that your schedule would be a definite denial, but you can call the 24/7 support line and speak to an advocate about your options. The number is 916-920-2952.
My ex has violently and sexualy abused me even during pregnancy. I have restraining order in place till2017 . he presently was released from prison and has been leaving me phone messages. Which I ignore. Because of my abuse I suffer from anxiety and some times stutter. He paroled to the county were I was and I ran with my toddler. I am now in Galt and home less and without a car. What can I do??? Hello, and I am so sorry to hear what your going through, it sounds like your i n a scary situation without many resources. Weave has a 24/7 support and information line that you can call and ask an advocate for resources to safe shelters. The number to call is 916-920-2952. Please take care and keep yourself safe.
My sister has been in a abusive relationship for about 5 years. He has broken her ribs, bruised her face and most recently knocked out her tooth. She has 4 kids who.lives in the house. She has put him in jail before but when he got out he threatened to hurt her and the kids if she leaves him. I’ve begged her many of times to leave but she refuses to because she is scared of him finding her and he is the main provider for her family . She has said she would leave if she can relocate to lLas Vegas or another state to get away from him. Are their weave places that can help her get far away from him? I’m in desperate need of help and resources so I can let her know their is a way out. Hello, and I’m sorry your sister is going through this. It’s great that she has your support because domestic violence can be much more scarier when you have no support. You or your sister can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and one of our advocates would be happy to assist you with referrals to shelters out of county or state. Good luck with everything and hopefully we hear from you soon.
My family and I were in your shelter when I was about 15 years of age. I have now completed my masters
and now I’m seeking to become certified in domestic violence. Can you help me?
Hello, and I’m so happy to hear about your success in school. Unfortunately, weave doesn’t certify in domestic violence, but you can learn how to become a volunteer with the organization. You can look on our website at www.weave.org and look under the “get involved” tab and click on volunteer. We hope to hear from you soon.
Hi I am 52 years old I am renting a room with a old friend jim, until I can move in my own place June 1, He is very controlling and mentally abusive. receive disability I have a little service dog buddy he is housebroken, I am afraid here and uncomfortable I am asking if you know where I can stay till june 1 I have no one to help me with this also he smokes illegal pot please email me with a resource.Thank you Hello, I am sorry you are going through this situation and living in fear. If possible you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate can further help you with referrals and/or resources to try and get you somewhere safe. Hope to hear from you soon.
My boyfriend hit me twice, so I call the cops. The state put a restraining order on him, and after that I kept seeing him & got pregnant. Just a day ago the police stop us, and give him a court hearing in a different city. Can DCF take my baby away if they know that I keep seeing my boyfriend? Leaving a relationship can be hard especially when feelings are involved. Abusive relationships can be even more difficult because you want to see the good in someone who doesn’t treat you with respect. I can not guarantee that CPS will take your child, but they may view the situation as a failure to protect the child. Every situation is different and all cases are not handled in the same way. You can always call our 24/7 support and information line for additional resources and learn more how to keep yourself and your child safe. Thanks for reaching out.
I left an emotionally, psychologically and spiritually abusive, violent, and volatile marriage nearly three years ago. My ex-husband and I share custody of our children (ages 5 and 7). I am concerned that he is emotionally abusive to them and would like to put them in counseling so they can learn cope with his behavior and so that they have a safe space to discuss and process their emotions. I feel bad that I haven’t put them in counseling already; I just don’t know how to find a loving, children’s counselor that can help them process this. Can you recommend a counselors/counselors (art therapy, if possible) that specialize in treating children that come from abusive marriages. Thank you so much. Weave has awesome counselors who work with children ages 4-17. To sign up for services you need to attend a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 12pm-2pm or Wednesdays between 5pm-7pm. You can also can our 24/7 support and information line if you need additional resources, 916-920-2952.
My abuser is a high ranking officer. Doesn’t matter who I tell or where I go he always finds.me. I however have just gotten an offer for myself and my 12/year old to move overseas. What do you all know about claiming asylum? It would be the UK.
I’ll keep checking this bored on my free time for any advice. Thanks In advance.

Hello, and thank you for visiting our website for answers. Your safety and that of your child is very important, and although I’m not familiar with the process of asylum’s I did find a website that offers free consultations from lawyers regarding this topic. You can visit attorneys.lawinfo.com/asylum/california/sacramento. Good luck with your move.

My cousin is 23 years old and the man she’s in a relationship with is becoming very controlling. He is, in my opinion, emotionally abusive. He screams at her, blaming her for his own feelings especially when he’s drunk. He gets angry if she’s even around other guys. They’ve only been dating for about a month, and there’s been no physical violence that I know of. I’m just afraid that it will escalate to a dangerous situation. I know I can’t just tell her to break up with him, so what can I do to help her? Thank you for reaching out to get help for your family. These situations can be very difficult, especially when trying to help a loved one. You can offer your cousin emotional support and provide her with the number to Weave’s 24/7 confidential support and information line which is 916-920-2952. She can speak with an advocate about the issues she’s having in her relationship, as well as offer her more resources if needed. If your cousin is open, she can also attend one of weave’s free triage assessments and sign up for free intimate partner violence support groups. Triage hours are Tuesday or Thursday 12pm-2pm. and Wednesday 5pm-7pm. Thank you for your question and good luck with your cousin.
If my husband’s abuse has never resulted in severe physical injury, but he regularly verbally abuses my children and I, what recourse do I have? How can I get away from him if I have no personal financial resources? I also fear that my husband is acting in inappropriate ways towards my daughters. Good afternoon, and thank you for contacting Weave for information regarding your situation. I’m sorry to hear that you and your children are suffering abuse from a loved one. Any type of abuse could result in severe damage whether it be physical, emotional/verbal/mental, sexual, financial, or spiritual. You can always call our anonymous information and support line for more resources and/or information about what options you may have. Weave also provides a confidential safe house if you are interested. You can call our support line at 916-920-2952 for more information.
My dad was hurting my sister so I pulled him off of her, breaking his ribs in the process. I’m scared to call the police in feat that I’ll get arrested. Thank you for reaching out for answers. From the information you provided, it sounds like you were defending your sister, but I can’t make that judgement call. I would advise you to call your local police station and explain the situation. The police would be able to clarify whether or not you acted in self-defense. I hope this information was helpful, have a good day!
I have lived with my mom and my step dad for about 10 years. My older sisters have moved out and ever since then things between my step dad and I have gotten worse. Apparently, everything that goes wrong is my fault and he makes me admit it even when I did nothing wrong and did the things I was asked. Now days I spend most of my time in my room avoiding him. Sometimes it seems that he will walk to the back of the house to my room just to yell at me. I feel like I can never bring a friend over because I don’t know how he would act and would like to keep them. Over time I have gotten used to this but even my own mother rarely will stick up for me. Anyone I talk to say it is because he is from India, but I feel like it is because he just likes the power it gives him. Is what he is doing a form of mental abuse because he installs fear in to people, or is it because he is from India? Hello, I’m sorry you are having these feelings about someone you believe is supposed to care for you. From the information you provided it sounds like a lot of verbal abuse is going on. I am not at liberty to say that your step dad’s attitude is due to him being from another country, but abuse does build from one person having power and control over another. You can call Weave’s 24/7 anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate who would be glad to speak with you and/or offer you additional resources and information. The number is 916-920-2952. Thank you again for reaching out.
I’m now 18, a few years ago my step dad threatened my life. I don’t know what would of happened if my mom didn’t stop him and I am afraid to find out. When my step dad gets upset he takes it out on me by yelling at me, putting me down, and or calling me names and trying to lower my self-esteem. I am always being yelled at for doing something he thinks is wrong, when I did it as good as I was able. I hate being at home because I don’t want to get yelled at. It has gotten to the point where I would rather stay out then come home and NEVER bring friends over in fear of what he might do. Both CPS and the cops had been called at different points in my life due to him. How can I get rid of the fear of him and the fear of doing something wrong Hello, and thank you for reaching out for answers. I am sorry you are going through this with your family, it sounds like a difficult situation to be caught in the middle of. I’m not sure of your age because you didn’t mention it, but Weave offers counseling to adults and children 4-17 years of age. You can come to one of our free triage assessments on Tuesday or Thursday between the hours of 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday’s between 5pm-7pm. You can also call our anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate for additional support or information. I hope this information was helpful.
I have never found support online for my particular situation. I was mentally & physically abused by my ex, a cop for years….all of my attempts to get help were fruitless….DV advocates, Internal Affairs….nothing helped….His bankruptcy application was eventually denied, the judge wrote a 17 page opinion as to how I was abused emotionally & financially but it was referred to the Superior Court for final Divorce judgement….he owned the courts!!!! The divorce settlement was completely unfair but even the judgement of his liability to me was ignored by him….when I tried to get help through the NW Justice Project they said they could not collect what he owed me because he since retired on Police Pension and SS Benefits….creditors did not care, they came after ME….I lost my credit…..I had to leave the state as he continued to harass me…..he knew all the tricks, he was a cop….despite my exhaustive efforts to get help, they demanded proof and I did not know how to get it because I knew nothing about cell phone hacking etc..it has been almost impossible….I have tried desperately to keep up with the IRS payments (resulting in my using 401 k funds to pay his debt)…..trying to qualify for car loans or rental units….etc. etc. etc…..SO MUCH attention is paid to women who have DV convictions of their abusers on their side….but what about those of us who are out there without any kind of help yet suffering from society demanding we pay bills (not ours) or explaining to people why we are such a mess? Hello, and thank you for taking the time to reach out for help. I understand that it could be very frustrating trying to get the help yo need and finding no answers. I would like to let you know you are not alone. There are individuals who suffer at the hands of their abuser daily. Weave offers free domestic and intimate partner violence support groups, where you can interact with other individuals going through or who has gone through similar situations. To get started you must attend one of the free scheduled triage assessments Tuesday or Thursday between 12p-2p, or Wednesday between 5p-7p. You can also call our anonymous support and information line at 916-920-2952, and speak with an advocate for emotional support.
Where do I get help? I have been abused for almost 10 yrs by the same person. Then it started with my family abusing me. Now I’m permanently injured and I can’t get around. I feel like giving up. This person abuses me physically but mostly emotionally. Hello, and thank you for reaching out for help for your situation. I’m sorry your suffering abuse at the hands of your family and loved ones. It sounds like you can use some resources to help you navigate through this tough situation. Weave offers a 24/7 anonymous support and information line you can call and speak with an advocate about what options you may have. The number is 916-920-2952, I hope we hear from you soon!
I was raped about 4 years ago and I am trying to have a relationship with a good man. Can I still have the 8 classes that I need so I can move forward? I realize it has been 4 years but I am in need of these classes. Hello! I am so happy to see that you are ready to seek counseling. We offer 8 free sessions to anyone who is a survivor of sexual assault and sexual abuse. The first step to beginning your journey to recovery is by attending our free walk-in triage where you will get to talk one-on-one with a counselor about your experience and follow-up with additional referrals. The triage is available weekly every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm. No appointment is needed. If you are comfortable enough you are more than welcome to bring a supportive person to wait for you while you go through the process. Please feel free to contact our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 with any additional questions that you may have. Thank you!
I was in a domestic violence situation a yr ago. My family, that I hadn’t ever met before invited me to Sac, CA to get away from the dangers I was facing alone in another state. When I got here, my father tried to sell me to another man (I am a 35 yr old woman) I escaped that and am now alone in a new state, w/no idea of how to get on my feet and find a place and employment here. I am currently staying in a motel w/the funds I had saved, which are now depleted. I have a source of income but it is very low. I do very well when I know my resources . hitting a lot of dead ends here. Thank you for reaching out for support. I’m sorry for the road blocks you keep running into. Weave offers a 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate would be more than happy to offer you some resources to help start your journey. I hope this helps, hopefully we will hear from you soon.

My husband and I had too much to drink. I said something to him at the bar and he stormed out. I took a cab home and when he returned 1.5 hours later, he was irate, screaming at me at the top of his lungs. He then slammed the front door 3 times with all his might, and the door frame was pushed outside by 2.5 inches and I was unable to lock the front door. This frame was encased in concrete.

The next morning I went upstairs the next day and found a bullet on the bedroom floor. He was highly intoxicated. He will not tell me what I said to get him so irritated and violent. I am unsure what to do. Would this be considered domestic violence since he did not physically harm me?

Thank you for contacting us and reaching out for understanding. I’m sorry you had to endure this behavior, it sounds like it was a scary and confusing interaction. Sometimes physical abuse is the only type of abuse a person may identify, but there are actually 5 types of abuse (Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Financial, & Spiritual). From the information you provided, it sounds like emotional abuse was present with the screaming and intimidation when he slammed the door. Weave offers free domestic and intimate partner violence group counseling, and they cover alot of topics including the 5 types of abuse. You can attend a free triage at 1900 K Street Tues & Thurs between 12p-2pm or Wed. between 5p-7pm. You can also call our support and information line 24/7 at 916-920-2952 for any additional resources or questions you may have.

I am a woman who works Stockton Blvd. A group of men I refused services to came back and later broke my jaw. I am a patient at UC Davis soon to be released (in minutes in fact). I have nowhere to go and they just now told me they can’t find the $72 savings I came in with. Can you help? I am worried about these guys finishing the “job” rather than have me identify them.

 

Hello. I am sorry to hear that this happened. Please call us toll free at our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 866.920.2952. You will be able to reach an advocate who will be able to provide you with additional referrals and more information about our services. A few community referrals are available as well. A Community Against Sexual Harm helps survivors as well their number is 916.856.2900. Another number to reach would be Bridget’s Dream at 916.235.3690 as well as The National Human Trafficking Resource Center at 888.373.7888. We hope we can help.
How do you open a conversation to have your daughter call weave? She has been in an abusive relationship, and there is now an infant involved. The abuser lives with her, and she is afraid of him.
How do we encourage her to seek professional guidance. This is an ongoing issue, but we did not know about the physical abuse until last night.
Thank you for reaching out and asking for assistance. The topic of domestic violence is always hard to talk about, especially with your children. You can let your daughter know she is not alone, and by calling the support and information line she can be anonymous and there is no obligation for her to make any decisions.
I am 26 now, and had an abusive (mentally and physically ) 21yr old boyfriend (whom i ran away and lived with) when i was 16-17. He would push me down and choked me a couple times and would put me down a lot and made me feel bad about myself and call me names because i was obese. Can i still press charges? All i know is he was living in south cal last time i heard from him about 7-8yrs ago. Thank you for contacting us with your question. I am unsure of what the statue of limitation may be for your county, every county is different. You can call your local police station and explain your situation and someone should be able to assist you with that information. If you would like support or in need of other information or referrals, you can call our 24/7 support and information line and an advocate would be more than happy to assist you.
I need HELP. I am escaping domestic violence and I am homeless, because of this, and there’s a criminal protection order against him, and he made a fake facebook page of me posting photos and videos of me nude and doing sexual acts and now hes sending out friend requests to all my family and friends from that profile. I called the sheriff dept. and they told me to make an online report. I REALLY WANT TO DIE at this point. I don’t have supportive people around me. I really feel alone in this world, and now too embarrassed to go into it. Whats worse is that my teen daughter died 2 years ago, so I have that issue of grief, along with this piece of shit person, and the issues of being a female and homeless, jobless, and I really feel like giving up on life.  Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I would like to send my condolences for the loss of your child and I’m sorry you also have to deal with abuse in your relationship. Grief is a process and there are many phases one goes through. Weave offers free domestic and intimate partner violence group counseling, and you can learn about the process of grief and other topics pertaining to the cycle of violence, types of abuse, and how to create healthy relationships, just to name a few. Weave also offers a confidential safehouse for those escaping domestic violence. You can call our support line 24/7 to receive more information and/or referrals for other services you may want access to.
My partner is constantly verbally abusing me, but he is increasingly physically violent as well. He now routinely chokes me when he is angry, sometimes for up to a few minutes until I feel like my eyes are popping out. I feel dizzy and faint but I have never blacked out when he does it. He does it so casually now, sometimes its just a quick choke for a few seconds. He thinks he is entitled to do it because I got myself into debt buying stuff on ebay. I only did this after my mother had died and then my father disappeared, so I was sad and lonely and there was a void inside me. Also my partner is not interested in me sexually anymore, so I wanted to make myself feel good as a woman by buying nice things. I know it was stupid to get a credit card debt, but I work full-time and I am trying to pay it back. I pay half our mortgage and utilities bills every month. I don’t take off my partner but he put a larger proportion of cash towards the down payment of our house than I was able to contribute at that time, so he thinks I owe him now. I can’t afford to move out and I have nowhere to go. He tells me I am a weak person and that I will never pay back my debt. He also says I don’t love him or I would never have gotten into debt. I try to explain I was just very unhappy and I did a stupid thing by spending too much on my credit card, but I’m trying to make it right now. I’m not asking him for help with my financial problems. Today before I went to work he strangled me repeatedly in short bursts, he spat in my eye, twisted my arms behind my back and pinned me up against the wall.Occasionally he has punched me in the head, face or stomach but this is not frequent. The strangling/choking is very frequent. It happens maybe three times a week at the moment. I have to go into work afterwards. I don’t know how I do it but I act normal at work but inside I am coming apart. I feel humiliated and wretched. A few months ago he asked me to marry him. He gave me a plastic ring. I thought it was sweet and funny. We had gone to a music event in another town and were staying in a budget hotel. But I suffer from a chronic illness which means I get tired very easily and so I wanted to go back to the hotel after the event was over. His friends were with us and he had not seen them for a long time so he wanted to stay out. They were all quite drunk. I don’t drink and I wanted to go to bed so bad I was nearly in tears. I begged him to let me go home but he wouldn’t. In the end we had a terrible fight and he told me I was nothing to him and his friends were everything. He kept telling me over and over that I was nothing and worthless. Then because I felt so ill and was in a strange town and couldn’t go home I just could not stop crying. He kept on telling me how stupid and “nothing” I am. In the end he pushed me and when I went down on the ground I didn’t get up at first. I just stayed there and wept. He kicked me when I was down on the ground. He was calling me names like “c*nt”. I started begging him to stop calling me that name. But he just went on and on. It lasted hours. That was the night of our “engagement.” I broke the ring with my shoe because I felt so hurt and it was made of plastic so it was not very hard to break it. I feel so hollow inside. I can’t tell anyone what is happening. I don’t even know what my question is. What should I do? I’m sorry you are going through this abuse by someone you love. I commend you for reaching out and asking for help. WEAVE offers counseling services, a confidential safehouse, and free support groups. First, you would need to attend a free triage on either Tuesday or Thursday between 12noon-2pm or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm at our midtown office on 1900 K street. You can also call our 24/7 support and information line for additional resources.

I tried to turn him in once. It didn’t work. So now everything’s worse. After my husband gets mad at me, loses his temper, and beats me up, he now gets scared of getting arrested. Especially when he does extra damage like the worse my bruises are, or bruises that are very visible-like my face. So he blames me, says it’s my fault, and makes up lies.
I don’t know what to do. Beating me before was bad, but now it’s worse. He has found ways of ruining my life. For example, after he beats me and realizes what he’s done, and realizes he hurt me bad, he will hurt himself. He wants himself to look injured and me look less injured. He will clean me up-gets my blood off. For example, after last time he beat me up, he slammed his head into a wall. He had scratches and cuts and blood on his face. He said HE would call cops on ME. He said he would tell 911 that I beat him. And that I am unfit mother and they will take my kid away. It’s hard to explain because it’s so crazy. One time he beat me up, then got scared of getting arrested, so he called 911 and said I was suicidal and going to kill myself. The police did NOTHING to him, and they locked ME in a suicide stabilization unit for 3 days. Has anyone had similar experience? What can I do?
 
Thank you for reaching out and seeking help. I am sorry that you and your child are going through this and I hope the information provided can help guide you in the right direction. WEAVE offers many services including: counseling, children’s counseling, support and information line, domestic and intimate partner violence support group, and a confidential safehouse program. If you would like to gain access to these services you would attend a free triage at our midtown office at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s & Thursday’s between 12noon-2pm, or Wednesday’s between 5pm-7pm. You can also call the support and information line at 916-920-2952 for more information and referrals.
Hi, I’m in a relationship and I just had a baby, but my boyfriend has anger issues and had tried to hit me. I want to leave him but can’t because he won’t let me take my baby. He said he would kill me first before the baby leaves this house:. I need help don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reaching out and seeking help. I know it could be difficult when someone wants to leave an abusive relationship safely and it could be a difficult decision. Some options that you could consider is to call the police so that you could exit your home safely. Also, you could file for a protective order with the courts to help protect you and your child. For more information about your options, or if you need more referrals Weave offers a 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
What are you doing to get data out there about the high number of males being molested and even raped? I am a survivor of rape and molestation. I have done a lot of research on these subjects and have had lots of therapy. I am female. I would like to know what weave is doing to get the news out there that males are raped and molested as well as females. It seems to me that since males are doing most of the abuse that a strong campaign should be done to get these facts/numbers out there about how many males are sexually abused every year. Then maybe more men would get help and stop abusing. I have never heard anything on the news or in a new paper about the number of male that are abused every year in this country. I would be willing to stand on a street corner and pass out fliers to men or pass out information to students. We have to start schooling all children about abuse of little boys. I prayed to not have a daughter for fear that she would be assaulted. No one told me little boys were molested and, as it turned out the did get molested.

Thank you for posting on our message board about this important topic! I am so sorry to hear that you experienced sexual abuse. You are correct in stating that men also experience domestic violence and sexual abuse. Since domestic violence and sexual assault have been taboo discussion topics throughout history, it has been difficult for survivors to come forward and seek justice, especially male survivors because of the stigma it follows as well as self-blame. Despite what you have been through it’s great to hear that you have some ideas about improving services for men. At WEAVE we have been working in partnership with other community organizations that reach out to our community to bring awareness regarding male survivors. Our outreach department works towards providing informational and educational presentations at schools to bring awareness to the younger generation. Our goal is to bring a broader awareness as a means for prevention and in hopes that our community as whole would not tolerate sexual abuse or domestic violence upon others. It is a work in progress and it starts with breaking the stigma and the taboo that males do not get abused or sexually assaulted.  Please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss this issue further, as we would love to hear your input and answer any questions you may have about our services in depth. Thank you!

Ok, I was drunk and hit my cousin’s bf and threw him through a window because he hit my mother. Do you think I will get in trouble? Need help. Thank you for reaching out for answers. I’m sorry that this happened to you and your family, unfortunately we cannot predict the outcome of what could happen because very few details were given. We can’t say if law enforcement would be called or not, you could call your local police department and explain the situation and see what they advise. Another option could be to call the support line and speak with an advocate with more details and possible more options. The number to call is 916-920-2952.

Me and my boyfriend live together an apartment and we’re both on the lease yesterday we got in a fight and he bit me on my shoulder I’m thinking about calling the cops on him but I was just wondering will they let me have the apartment if he goes to jail

Thank you for reaching out and asking for help. In California there are specific laws when it comes to renting and leases. It may be best if you contacted the Sacramento Redevelopment Agency at (916) 444-9210 in order to get the correct information about your options. You could also call the support line to talk about a safety plan to ensure that it would be safe for you to return to your apartment. This number is 916-920-2952.

What time and day does the 15 week course begin? I’ve done triage and orientation.

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. The 15 week DV group is revolving and doesn’t have a start and end date. It would be best to contact our business office to sign up for this group at 916-448-2321. 

My husband and I have a 5 month old son and just bought a house which is soley in my name because of his bad credit. 

The last few days we have been fighting for various reasons after a stressful move to our new house & he has grabbed, pushed and choked me. I don’t know what to do, because he pays all the bills so I feel like I’m stuck and cannot leave. I have no family or friends close with whom I might stay. Should I just pack up my child and leave for a shelter? 

Any helpful answers will be greatly appreciated. I just know how difficult it was for me to get approved for this house and am afraid that, if I leave now, I will destroy my credit and with it any chance of being able to provide my son a safe home in the future.

Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation. Every situation is very different and although there are laws to protect renters and home owners experiencing domestic violence, it would be best to get some legal advice regarding this. You are welcome to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983. There are also several federal home loan assistance programs that may be available to assist you. The website and phone number for one of these programs is www.keepyourhomecalifornia.org/ 1-888-954-KEEP. You may also call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate about your situation. 
I have been married for 33 years. In those years, my husband has cheated and lied, seen escorts, and is still seeing them. I have seen evidence on his phone and ipad. I have tried to leave him twice and I even went to an attorney. He managed to talk me out of it both times and threatened to follow me wherever I go. I am planing on leaving him for sure this time. He still says he will follow me and I can get a restraining order and they can put him in jail or the police can shoot him. Why is he being this way? I am setting him free so he can do as he pleases and see as many women as he wants. I don’t understand? Does anyone out there have any advice? Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us for support. Each person responds differently to situations but many abusive people may act this way when there is a possibility of their partner leaving. Domestic Violence is about power and control and these are some ways an abuser may try to control someone. It may be helpful to seek some counseling and supportive services during this time to aid with safety planning and processing. WEAVE provides counseling, legal, and other services which can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

My husband and I got into it in the middle of the night. The kids were in the house but asleep. My husband left before the cops got there but was later arrested. I had a few bruises and cuts from his nails on my hands and they took pictures. They weren’t very noticeable. Will cps get involved?

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us with your question. It is uncertain whether or nor CPS will get involved based on the incident that happened. Law enforcement officers are mandated reporters and they are required to report domestic violence when appropriate. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for additional information and resources specific to your situation. This number is 916-920-2952. 
Is there any legal organization in Sacramento County that will provide free representation for me in filing for a restraining order on behalf of my children and/or divorce with supervised custody? I need to meet with an attorney and figure out if I should file for the restraining order or just divorce/custody. And, I don’t want to take on my husband representing myself when he will be able to obtain representation, as the safety of my children is at stake. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for information and resources. It may be helpful to call our legal department regarding your question. This number is 916-319-4983. A legal advocate can discuss your situation with you and provide that best resources for your needs. 
My daughter is in an abusive relationship. She is about to turn 21. Just two days ago she ended up in the hospital from the beating she endured. She blames herself and says that she threw the first punch so she should be in jail. This is the third time it’s happened and her boyfriend is on the loose. Sacramento Sheriffs have a warrant for his arrest if they find him. He recently got out of jail for beating her the first time around and she stayed with his mom and didn’t tell us until recently. I have been in an abusive relationship before and got out so I know how these men can brainwash you. How do I help her when she keeps going back? I don’t want to see her in a casket. The cops told us it’s the worst abuse they have seen where a person didn’t die from their injuries. She still has a lump on her head where he head butted her 2 months ago. Thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. I am sorry that your daughter is in this situation. It is normal for a family member to feel the way you do and it is most helpful to meet your daughter where she is at. It may be beneficial to gather resources and options that you can provide to her and empower her to make her own choice. Offering information, resources, and choices may be helpful for her. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line to gather this information and resources. An advocate is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 916-920-2952.
My brother has been abusing my family and I for years. I took pictures of the damages to my body over time so one day I could build a case against him and have him removed from our house. My parents say that if I peep a word about it that the people will come and take all of my brothers and I away. My parents are the best parents a person could ask for but, I don’t want to live like this. They don’t want to lose their son but I don’t want to have to deal with his violent outrages anymore! I see a counselor once a week at school and I can’t even say the real reason of why I’m there. I have to come up with a bunch of nonsense and can never really say exactly what he does. She just knows that he can bully us and be mean. She doesn’t have any idea how bad he really is. We have already called 911 on him once and it will just take one more call that I can’t make. I don’t know if I should tell her what is really going on. Hello and thank you for seeking support. I am sorry that you and your family are experiencing this and want to reassure you that there are resources available. Since each situation is very different, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to discuss your needs with an advocate. An advocate can then provide you with the best resources to fit your needs. 
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and have 2 children and a mortgage. When he gets angry he has punched me on the leg, slaps my leg leaving red marks, crushed my hand in his, and it is still very tender after a couple of weeks. He has pinned me up against the wall by my throat. He has poked me with sharp objects like keys. What upsets me the most is that he also harms me while I’m holding my children. He calls me all the names under the sun and often says he wishes I was dead, like this morning he said I hope you die in your sleep. He is very clever and he makes sure he doesn’t make any visible damage. I just need to know where I stand. If I left him what would happen with the mortgage and all the bills that I won’t be able to pay anymore since I won’t have any money? What would happen to me and my babies, like where would we live? Good afternoon and thank you for reaching out for information and resources. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that there are resources available. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, legal, and safe confidential shelter. To access our counseling services, please attend a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10a-1pm or Wednesdays from 4p-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. For information about our safe confidential shelter, please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952. And if you would like legal advice you are welcome to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983.
How can the DA decide not to file charges of Corporal DV on a person who is on probation for battery from a prior case with another ex and that a warrant was issued for not doing sentence requirements? This person was also in prison for the same charges on yet another ex more than a few times. The victim on the new arrest filed a report 9 days after injured. Pictures of the two black eyes were forwarded to the DA by CSI. The Sheriff wrote a 12 page report, found and arrested him, and then at court 2 days after this the charges were dropped. The victim has called and left messages at the DA’s office but no one has called her to explain why he wasn’t charged. His record alone should be enough to charge him. He is a career criminal and abuser. It doesn’t make sense. He is in jail with a court date scheduled in 3 months. There is a bail set but it says “no projected release date”. Why dont they want to charge him for the most recent arrest charges? How can a person talk to the DA when it’s not clear why their abuser is not being charged for harming them? Please advise or direct in this matter. Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. It is understandable that the situation is frustrating and commend you for seeking guidance in this matter. Unfortunately, we are unable to provide you with specific reasons for the DA’s decision to not prosecute. The DA has there own internal processes and our agency is not involved with those. However, it may be helpful to continue to call the DA’s office and request to speak to a supervisor. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line to access information regarding our services and other community resources. This number is 916-920-2952. 
My husband has personality disorder and heart failure and for 10 years I have put up with his odd and sometimes dangerous behavior and his porn addiction . But 2 years ago he had an affair and although I took him back, I can’t forget about it. I have had enough and want to leave. I want to know if I can get child support from him if he’s claiming Disability? My sons are 14 & 18 years old. Good afternoon. Each situation is very unique and it would be best to contact the California Department of Child Support Services at 1-866-901-3212 to discuss your specific circumstances regarding child support. To obtain information about our agency’s services, please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. An advocate can provide support and resources based on your needs. Thank you.

My husband has a history over the last 10 years of our relationship of abusing me. He hadn’t hit me until yesterday. He was just released from a psych unit 2 days prior and finally diagnosed w/ bi-polar. He beat me yesterday. I called the police and didn’t want him arrested because I don’t know if I should be protecting my husband because he is mentally ill or protecting myself. I can barely walk today because of the beating I took yesterday with his son on phone encouraging him to keep it up. When the police came I protected him because of his illness situation. What do I do? He has full control financially over me because his family is paying for us. Can I file paperwork to have him readmitted to the hospital? Should I have him arrested again to “save” him (if he gets arrested this will be his 4th arrest on me and they said 5 years ago they would put him in prison). I feel victimized by him, his family, his son, police..totally abandoned. And oh, the son used the “she had a drink” on me. I had two glasses of wine prior to him showing up. We were relaxing on a Saturday afternoon watching a movie 10 minutes prior there was no anger. I need help. I got to get answers….I don’t know if I should let this beating go because of the mental health issue and help him because he begged the hospital to not let him go Wednesday. Or, do I say heck with that and have him arrested. Please advise, please.

Thank you for reaching out to us for support. It is not easy to ask for advice and help and we commend you for taking that step. It is normal to feel conflicted about what to do and it may be helpful to talk about your situation and options with an advocate. You can contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 or attend a free triage session at our 1900 K Street counseling center. Triage hours are Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm. You can also “walk in” at our counseling center and request to speak with a counselor if you are unable to attend during these triage hours. An advocate on the support line or in person can listen to you and provide you with the resources and options that will fit your needs. 

I just wanted to talk to someone about this – its just there is no one I can talk with. Lately, I’ve become more negative and snappy because the abuse is getting worse. It’s happening every few days now. He is a good person deep down and wants to improve his life, and really this only happens because he feels disrespected and that I’m always mean to him. I’m just scared because he is at the point where he doesn’t care anymore – he feels its the only way to get me in line. I feel like I can’t do anything right but if I say how I’m feeling, he feels like I’m manipulating him… and maybe I am. I never thought it would get so bad… and the violence isn’t crazy bad, just occasional bruises or chucking things at me, or threatening to hurt my pets – I’m more upset about that. I still really love him – and when he is calm, he is an amazing man. But I’m acting strangely all the time because I don’t know that if I don’t control my emotions, or if I get a little negative, it’ll get bad again. I’m not sure what to do and I do not want to give up on our marriage, I’ve already made that choice. And I would never want to shame him by talking about it to family or friends. I just don’t know who can help us with it. I got him to see a counselor once… but he won’t go back ever again. If anything does go bad, there was someone who heard what happened once and I have messeges too just in case he gets too violent and I need proof. They always say to have a kit ready to run away with, but last time I tried to run away just to somewhere to stay for a few hours hoping he would settle, he was even angrier. And when its happening, I can never get out of the house – so there is no point. But yea.. its not that bad yet.. I just don’t want it to escalate… but I just don’t know what the best steps forward are for our relationship. Thanks for listening.

Hello and thank you for seeking support from us. We are here to listen to you either through these message boards or our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. We also provide legal services and counseling, both individual and groups, if you are interested. You can access these services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 12-2pm or Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. An advocate on the support line or in person can also do some safety planning with you and provide valuable resources specific to your needs. 

Hi. I stay in California and my husband and I got into an argument that resulted physical. It happened in front of some businesses and our baby was with us. The baby was taken by DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) because of the physical abuse. DCFS took my son because I failed to protect my son by “covering for my husband and not admitting he picked me up and through me”. I went to my first court hearing and the judge ordered that the proof of a video that was said be on the report be shown for the next court date. Do they really have a video or do they just say things like that for me to talk? What should i do? Me and my husband have a court ordered restraining order from the criminal court for us to “cool off” until trial but now our son is taken. What should we do?

Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. It may be helpful for you to contact our legal department for a consultation regarding the case. Their phone number is 916-319-4983. A legal advocate can speak with you about the case and refer you to the appropriate resources if needed. You can also contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 and speak with an advocate. The advocate will also be able to provide you with specific information and resources determined by your needs and location.

I have a restraining order against me from an Ex. I recently went to church and when I realized she was there I was already within the 25 yards stipulated. I told her I didn’t know she was there and that I’m leaving. She then contacted an officer and told him I had violated my restraining order and I was issued papers to go to court. I want no trouble and my question is what could be the outcome of the court date?

Hello. Unfortunately, the outcome of the court date is not predictable. However, you are welcome to contact our legal department to discuss your situation. Our legal department’s phone number is 916-319-4983. Thank you.
My 22 yr old niece has been dating a boy 6 years older than her since she was 16. He’s been arrested for various things several times and recently was violent with her. They break up frequently and then get back together. She just found out she is pregnant and is going to marry him. I am very disappointed and I have so much hate in my heart towards him for hitting her. I don’t know what to say to her. It’s hard for me to be happy for her. Please help me!!! Thank you for contacting us for support and information. I am sorry your niece is in the situation she is in. Your frustration and hurt is warranted but she is the one that must make the choice to stay or leave. Being there for her to empower her and provide resources is the most valuable thing right now. It may be helpful to provide her with our 24 hour support and information line so that she can access our services if she chooses to. Let her know that you love her and will be there for her if or when she needs it. Providing the resources when she is ready could be crucial. You are also welcome to call our 24 support line to speak with an advocate and get information on resources so that you are prepared to empower her. This phone number is 916-920-2952.
Hi. I recently went to court for a traffic case and found out I had for a dv case that I never knew existed. I plead not guilty and I was given a Feb. 23 court date. I ended up missing that date because I had it in my mind it was the 25th. I showed up on the 25th and I was put on the court calender for March 2nd. I showed up to court on this date and was told my case has been denied. I asked for appropriate paper work and was told that I didn’t need any and that I could contact my bail bondsman to get my bail money back. When I called, I was told my case was still open and that I had a bench warrant. I went back down to the court house to see what was going on and I was told I had a warrant and I missed my court date. I told them I showed up and I was told my case was denied. I don’t know what’s going on with this case but I need help. My question is “Is there anyway I can obtain paperwork showing I was there and that I’ve been at every date except the first date that I rescheduled myself, and who can i get to verify? Good afternoon. The best thing to do is to call the Superior Court of California, Sacramento County at 916-874-5744 to inquire about your case status. This is also the number you would need to contact to request documentation for the court appearances. Thank you.

I am 6 months pregnant and my husband just slapped me in my face, and strangled me with his xbox power cord. I don’t want law enforcement involved, as I am ashamed of having married this type of person. He had never hit me before but I knew about his temper. I feel so stupid and stuck. I am in the army and the last thing I need is people finding out about this. He did all of this because I told him I can never look at him the same way because of his cheating. He was saying how me and my unborn child are the only thing he has and I told him to stop lying because you don’t destroy the things you love. Anyway I just need to know what will bring the swelling down before someone notices tomorrow at work.

Hello. I am sorry this is happening to you and want you to know that there are resources available if you decide to access them. To answer your immediate question, we are not medically trained to provide advice. Ice usually helps with swelling, however, it may be helpful to seek medical attention so that you are given the proper medical guidance. It is normal to feel what you are describing but also know that you are not alone. WEAVE provides counseling, legal, and safe shelter. Please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like additional information about these services.
I’ve lived with my boyfriend and his parents for a couple of months now. He has become abusive. Sometimes his mom tries to intervene and she just yells “stop, get off her” but she never takes action to pull him off of me. She watches while he throws and hits me while telling him to stop. He would never touch her, so she CAN grab him off. If I were to go to the police, can she get in trouble for letting him hurt me without her doing anything about it? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that you are not alone. WEAVE has counseling, safe shelter, and legal services. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for additional information about these. This number is 916-920-2952. Regarding your question about contacting the police, it would be best to contact your local law enforcement agency and speak with them. Many factors can contribute to the outcome and it is hard to say whether she will be in trouble or not. 
I was in a 3 year abusive relationship and about a year passed after this relationship ended and I was ready to try dating again. Lat year I started seeing this guy and he was such a gentleman. He dressed nice, did his hair, he’s smart, and says he’s bipolar. Well, thats not something you expect. But he doesn’t have “freakouts” like they show on TV. In fact, I’m not sure how to professionally see what would classify as a symptom. Hes very sly, sarcastic, and great with words. He doesn’t think he is controlling, manipulative, or occasionally abusive. But his mother does and so do I. And when I point out a solid fact, for some reason his brain ignores the obvious. I feel crazy. My last ex-boyfriend called me the worst things your brain could conceive. It’s like the both of them are mind readers. 

I’m a strong person, I communicate, and I voice my needs. I’m not “needy”. I want honesty, respect, trust, faithfulness, and etc. The worst I called him was stupid, jerk, or ass. Or moron. And its not directly said its more like “how can you be such a jerk?” But he thinks its okay to call me a bitch or cunt or psychotic or crazy, after I’ve told him to never call me that. I was arrested for slapping him once because he grabbed me and was in my face and antagonizing me. It bothers me everyday because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He feels that it is my fault and I went to jail. I was desperate and exhausted and crying. I was reliving a nightmare from when i was with my ex. We have not gotten along since then. He picks on me saying I have a tone or I’m being rude. He says he loves me but has insecurities. I don’t worry about him with girls or being late. I’m trying to help him see his issues. Like calling me names, pointing out my flaws in public, and being creepy with demonic voices. What do i do? He won’t listen to me and he thinks he’s Mr. perfect. I don’t know where this turned but we used to laugh out our disagreements and Speak calmly. It’s like he’s complacent and I’m impatiently waiting for all this to balance out. We both want the same things.
Good afternoon. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out for support and guidance. Some counseling may be helpful to assist with the processing of what you are experiencing, as well as safety planning and reviewing your options. You are welcome to attend a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12p-2pm and Wednesdays from 5p-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. Or, you can call our 24 hour support and information line to discuss your situation with an advocate. This number is 916-920-2952. An advocate on the phone or in person can give you specific resources based on your individual needs. 

How can I fix my violent marriage?

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us for resources. WEAVE provides many services that may be beneficial to you during this time. These services include counseling and a 24 hour support line. To speak with an advocate on our 24 hour support and information line, please call 916-920-2952. An advocate can listen to your needs and provide you with the most appropriate resources. To access our counseling services, please attend a free triage session during the following times at our 1900 K Street Counseling center: Tuesdays or Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesdays from 5pm-7pm.
I’m now divorced (married 12 years) and my ex is a police officer. I left the marriage because I found support from somebody at work. He is very angry that I left and now manipulates the kids. I’m in therapy trying to gain my self esteem back. I guess I’m looking for confirmation, he did the following to me…is this abuse? 

- This happened twice: In a verbal argument, he took me into the bathroom/closet (away from the kids) took me to the ground, laid on top of me while yelling in my face and waving his finger at me. He said I provoked him by pushing him into a corner. By the way, he is a police officer with lots of training, 230+ lbs and 6′2″. I did not push him into a corner. 

- He threw a full glass of water into my face during another argument.

- He performed a Field sobriety test (I was not drunk or even drinking) on me when I dropped my son off at his house. He never called it in (was all done secretly….he said he was looking for a confrontation when he saw me).

- He takes my cell phone away from me.

There is more, but I need confirmation….is this abuse?
Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. Domestic violence is about power and control and what you are explaining is abuse. It may be helpful for you to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line to speak with an advocate. An advocate can provide emotional support and also provide you with valuable resources. This number is 916-920-2952. 

I don’t have any money and I need to get away. How do I do that?

Thank you for contacting us. Not having any money is a common barrier for people to leave their abuser. It is important to know that you are not alone and there are resources available to assist and empower you to leave if you choose to. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, legal, and safe confidential shelter. To get more information about these services please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. This same line is the point of contact for shelter information as well.

My boyfriend punched me in the shoulder very forcefully three times because he was angry that I wouldn’t sleep in bed with him tonight. I had shoulder surgery about six months ago, but the surgery failed to relieve my intense pain. He left and went home right away, and I called 911. They didn’t arrest him. They did take me to get a Temporary Order of Protection. Why didn’t they arrest him? I live in Nashville TN. He deliberately punched me there because he knows my shoulder is very painful. I am very afraid of him now. Please help me.

Good morning. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out for support and resources. It may be helpful to contact the YWCA Domestic Violence Center in Nashville, TN at 615-242-1199. They can provide specific resources that are in your state and area. You are also welcome to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. They are able to provided other resources in your surrounding area.
I’m a father of a 7 year old boy. His mom and I got into an argument like a year and a half ago and I stopped seen my son. We went to court and I started seen my son again like 2 months ago. And I have been a little worried since I questioned him about his step dad and asked if he was nice with him. I thought he was but he says that he is mean with him every time they go to the the store and he touches some toys he hits him on the head with his knuckles and he says he doesn’t let him touch anything. I’m trying not to be to alarmed but also I remember sometimes picking him up he was asking me to carry him because he was scared and looking back checking if the step dad was not looking at us because he said he got mad. You should see my son’s face, he was scared most of the times. I went to a parenting class and learned that some times kids like to lie but I just want to make sure he is not being abused. Hello and thank you for seeking information and support regarding this. Not knowing what is happening at your child’s other home and whether they are safe is a common concern. It is normal for a parent to question their child’s behavior and/or disclosures. Options for your next steps depend on specific factors relevant to the situation. It would be best to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss these options with an advocate. And advocate is available to listen and provide the most appropriate resources and options.
My husband was arrested for CDV and a “no contact order” is in place . He promised to pay the landlord the lease (purchase is in his name). I called the landlord and explained the situation. I was not working because of Breast cancer diagnosis. Landlord told me I was going to have to find a new place because my husband is not here. I have paid him half the rent $ from family and friends and will have the rest Fri. Can he make me move with 3 kids because my husband is not living here? Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us for information. There are California laws in place to protect renters and additional laws for victims of domestic violence. The best option is to call the California Department of Fair Employment and Housing. Their phone number is 916-478-7251. They can assist you with the questions regarding your rights as a renter. You are also welcome to call our legal department for questions. Their number is 916-319-4983. 
In January of this year my daughters father physically assaulted me while I was holding my baby resulting in her head being slammed against his neighbor’s door. I was granted an emergency restraining order but he was never arrested or punished or anything! The restraining order stated he was being charged with domestic violence and willful cruelty to a child and the order named myself and my daughter. A month or so later we went to court & my ex told the judge that he doesn’t remember what happened but things got out of control. The judge not only agreed with him, but said he looks like a good person and it was probably a one time thing. I reiterated to the judge my daughter was physically being hurt, and was extremely traumatized after the incident happened. She would start crying and was extremely nervous after this happened. After I told the judge this he without any type of concern for my daughters mental/physical health and safety removed my child from the restraining order and proceeded to tell me he isn’t a family court judge and that my abuser could continue to contact me even though a restraining order was in place due to the baby. I do not understand why he felt the need to put myself and my baby directly and purposely in danger when she was previously named on a restraining order! I am so disgusted he threw us to the wolves. We were the ones assaulted and now we’re the only ones suffering. A couple days ago I allowed my daughters father to see her and we agree on a time that he was supposed to have her back in about 3 to 4 hours. I called him to ask when he was bringing her and stated then he wouldn’t never give her back to me and that he wanted me to see how it felt and that is what I get for getting a restraining order against him. I called the police to see if there is anything I could do they came out and they asked if he would give me my child back seeing as how I am putting myself at risk for letting him be around me and we had a agreed on when I would get her back. My ex blatantly told the cops with a smile on his face he set me up and played me just so I would give him my daughter and he does not have to give her back and there was nothing they could do about it. He advised me that he would not return her unless I will do whatever he says and if I didn’t that means I don’t love my daughter and he has all the power. I’m being blackmailed and retaliated against because I do not want to be hit or my child to be injured. The judge who ruled over my case was not invested in the victims in any fashion he immediately took the side of the assailant, showing just how much DV victims and their children are repeatedly thrown back into danger. Because of him my baby is being withheld from me out of spit and hatred. Is there a way for me to get my daughter added back to the restraining order so I do not have to have contact with him. Good morning. I am sorry you and your daughter are in this situation. It may be helpful to call our legal department so that you can get some of your questions answered. The legal department number is 916-319-4983. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for additional resources. This number is 916-920-2952. WEAVE also provides counseling and safe shelter which can be accessed by calling this same number.
I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, and just recently it has become physical. We’ve been together for 9 years and I don’t want to end it, however the mental and emotional abuse has made me crazy. We have 2 kids together and I don’t want them to think I’m the bad person for making dad go away. But I think now he’s trying to kill me- or at least make me sick. And it isn’t just him- it’s my parents too. They’re trying to get rid of me so they can take the kids- my oldest with my parents, my youngest with his dad. I noticed things looked like worms in food brought over by my parents. I am so scared I don’t know what to do please help. I can’t trust anyone. Thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. The feeling of not being able to trust anyone is scary and please know that you are not alone. There are options available such as calling law enforcement and WEAVE but it is important to think through what option is safest for you and your children. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. An advocate will be able to get additional information to provide you with the most appropriate referrals and safety planning. 
My best friend has been involved with a guy for less than a year and right away he showed signs of emotional abuse but it has gotten significantly worse as she has made it clear she wants to leave. 
He makes threats if she even tries to do anything against him and has all but cut me out of her life because I have tried to help her get away before. But because he lives close by her, and now moved to the apartment, literally in her backyard, he keeps her under his thumb and control at all times. The abuse has recently become physical and she has all but given up because she is so scared of leaving him due to his threats and close proximity. 
His threats mostly involve calling the cops on her because she takes a medication used for the treatment of opiate addiction. She is doing well with the treatment but because it is so expensive and difficult to find a doctor to get help in our area, she resorts to buying the medication illegally, “on the streets”. She is also an occasional pot smoker and has some paraphernalia at her house as well. He threatens to call the cops and tell them she is an addict and has stuff at her house. He also threatens to smear her to her family and call the cops on a mutual friend that can legally smoke pot in their state, but not sell it technically, which he does to his close friends in small amounts. She’s terrified of going to jail and even more terrified of her friends suffering because of him so has basically given up all hope of getting out unless he either loses interest or she takes her own life. 
I’ve tried to convince her to leave and stay with me but the fear of him following through with his threats keep her there. Even at my house in a different state, but not far away, she thinks if he calls the cops on her they will come to my house and arrest her simply on his call. My question is if there is anything we can do, or I can do, to reassure her that if she leaves him and he does call the cops and that they won’t show up and raid her house simply because this guy says to them, “she has drugs” or any number of lies he has threatened as well? Can they do that even? Will the police just take the word of a random guy who is angry and names a person or a house of any normal citizen? I wonder that if we start the process of a restraining order that it will go a long way in making anything he say look like jealousy and anger that is just an attempt to hurt her. She is not a bad person, just got caught in a bad situation and is trying to get well and clean. I can’t believe there is nothing she can do to get away that doesn’t involve this guy hurting her, her friends or her family with lies . I know there are people in this exact situation and there has to be something she can do. Please help. I’m worried she is going to give up if she hasn’t already. I love her so much and it hurts like hell for me to see her like this
Hello and thank you for contacting us. I am sorry your friend is going through this. Since you mentioned that your friend is out of state in your entry, it would be best to seek guidance from your local Domestic Violence agency or call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233). You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources specific to your state and county.

I live in Michigan and my husband got arrested for domestic violence. He is currently out on bail and is not supposed to come around me at our house. His mother told me that he is planning to give me an eviction notice so that he could come home. What can I do?

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. With the limited information provided, it would be best to contact your local law enforcement agency as well as the Michigan State Housing Development Authority at 517-373-8370. There are laws in place to protect victims of violence and these two agencies would be able to discuss your state’s laws and protections with you. You can also call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for Domestic Violence centers closest to your city. Please feel free to also contact us directly on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you have additional questions or need more resources.

My husband of 3+ yrs. was extremely verbally and mentally abusive, jealous, and controlling. He went to jail for corporal punishment on a spouse but I didn’t want to see him in trouble with the law so I was able to get the charges dropped. Big mistake and now he’s worse. He keeps our small son from me and says things like ‘ if you give me a “bj “then you can stay and see him.’ I want my son and I want away from him. How can I do this legally? or is it too late?And how do I prove the abuse?

Good afternoon. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that there are resources available for you. It may be helpful for you to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983. You can leave a message on this line and someone will return your call within 24-48 hours. The legal advocate can provide you with specific information and resources pertinent to your situation. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

How do I get someone to visit my niece in the Sacramento County jail?

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. Since each situation is very different, it would be best to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to discuss the details. Knowing a little bit more about the circumstances will ensure that we are providing you with the most accurate and appropriate resources.

Hi I’m 24 years old and will be 25 at the end of the month. My boyfriend is 23 and have we been together for 6 and 1/2 years. We have a 2 year old baby. My boyfriend abuses me by not only what he says to me but he has to control me. The abuse is physical also if I say something he doesn’t like. He’ll throw me off the bed, pull my hair, and drag me all over by my hair. He’ll push my face into the floor, push me, throw things at me, punch me in the leg and arms, choke me till I can’t breath, slap me in the face, throw me into my daughter’s play yard. I get physically and emotionally abused always and he does it in front of the baby. I scream and cry to get him off of me and he doesn’t. She’s screaming, crying, and calling me as soon as he puts his hands on me and he doesn’t care. He screams at my daughter,he has no patience, he smacks her butt all the time. He’ll force her to drink the bottle even if she doesn’t want it. He doesn’t work and he has no money. He steals everything that’s needed for the baby. He was on drugs and heroin until a month ago. He’s taken all my money for drugs. Can you help by telling me what I can do? I want to leave him and I don’t want my daughter being with him at all. I don’t want him to have any rights and I want him in jail. lease help me.

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support and resources. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that you are not alone. There are resources available to assist you during this time. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, safe shelter, and legal services. To access counseling and legal services you can attend a free triage session at our 1900 K Street center on Tuesdays or Thursdays between the hours of 12p-2pm and Wednesdays between the hours of 5p-7pm. To speak with someone regarding safe shelter, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. You are also welcome to call this line to speak with an advocate about your situation or for additional resources.

Can evidence from another state be used when obtaining a restraining order in CA? Is forcing someone to live in an environment hazardous to their health legally considered abuse?

Good afternoon. Thank you for contacting us for information. It depends on the kind of evidence that you have from the other state and the recency in relation to the abuse (for example, states have different laws regarding audio/video recordings that could be used as evidence).  With regard to forcing someone to live in a hazardous environment – it depends on the factors – is the person forcibly preventing that person from leaving, are there children involved, are there threats to victim or others if they leave, what kind of hazards does this environment present, etc.  We have emergency shelter available for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.  Please consider your safety in determining next steps that may be appropriate for your situation and feel free to contact us again if you have additional questions.
Hi. I live in California and my husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have two boys that are in their twenties. For all these years, my husband has been verbally abusive, very controlling and jealous, and after I tried to talk with him about divorce he became physically abusive too. That is the past three years. Last year, after a confrontation and some bruises, I had enough and I pressed charges of domestic violence. He got so scare that he stayed out of the home for two weeks and told me he wanted to give me my space. I didn’t put a restraining order and now he is back home. He got a lawyer and probably will get probation and a court order for anger management classes. I still want a divorce but I lost my job and I can’t support my self right now. In general he is nice but I don’t want to stay with him any more because I can not forget the way he treated me and the boys all these years. I’m thinking of filing for divorce after the domestic violence case gets resolved. I don’t know how this would affect his case and I don’t want him to go to jail. I told him I don’t love him any more but he wants us to live and have intimacy like nothing happen. All I wanted all my life was a stable family but I can not keep pretending any more. Should I file for divorce now or wait after this domestic violence case gets resolved? Can I live in the house before or after filing for divorce? I don’t have any relatives or friends that can help me. The only asset we have is a small condo and two old cars. I don’t know what my next step should be. Thank you for giving me the opportunity of telling someone what I’m feeling. Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. Although you may not have any friends or relatives close, you are not alone. WEAVE has many services that may be of interest to you. For your legal questions, it would be best to contact our Legal Department at 916-319-4983. A legal advocate will return your call within 24-48 hours. For your housing needs, WEAVE’s safehouse may be an option. To inquire about this service you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. WEAVE also provides individual counseling and groups. To access these, you may attend a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays between 12p-2pm and Wednesdays between 5p-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. Feel free to contact us on our Support Line if you have additional questions or need to speak with an advocate. 

The police are trying to accuse my boyfriend of spousal abuse. We had loud verbal argument but nothing physical. I filed a statement stating that he has never struck me. They will not give me a copy and they still want him to go to the police station to “discuss it”. We are worried that they will arrest him. Doesn’t the law require them to give me a copy of my statement upon request?

Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information. Since every situation is very different, it would be best for you to contact our Legal Department for consultation. The Legal Department voicemail number is 916-319-4983. Leave a message and a Legal Advocate will return your call within 24-48 hours. 
I got out of an abusive relationship about two years ago and I went through the group counseling at WEAVE and completed it. My life has never been better; I am finally in a healthy relationship and am doing great in school now. Things were going great. Well this Valentine’s Day my ex who was my abuser decided it would be a great time to message me. During our relationship we always had problems that revolved around some events that happened on Valentine’s Day. He said he was messaging me for closure however from my relationship with him I still remember his hurtful word tactics. I feel like his message was just him wanting to blame me for our bad relationship again, reminding me that he cheated on me, and to tell me that he is happier than ever and that he is going to propose to his current girlfriend (which is the girl he cheated on me with). I think he even proposed on the same day from when I got engaged a year ago. Reading his message so many things triggered memories of how he always used words to guilt me and hurt me. Receiving the message from him makes me feel like my counseling did nothing because I still feel like he’s abusing me with his words. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m back at the beginning. How do I recover from this? What should I do? Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry you are going through this. It is important to know that what you are feeling is completely normal in response to the situation. Being triggered is something that happens and often times additional counseling may be helpful to process your feelings and validate your emotions. You are welcome to seek services with WEAVE for this by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays between 12p-2pm and Wednesdays between 5p-7pm at our 1900 K Street location. Or, you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with an advocate. This number is 916-920-2952.

I am a married mother of three kids. I left my husband for good after only a year. During that time he was abusive to me, then he moved onto our son, my first child. I never made a report, I just ignored him for a year. Now my son is 9, he has never payed child support and we are not divorced. I want to make a report now and I wish I would have sooner. But I was just happy to be rid of him. What can I do about past incidents? He wants joint custody of our son and says because there is no proof of abuse that it never happened. Is there any hope that the court will believe me? Or will they grant that monster custody?

Good morning. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Custody cases are complicated and it would be best to call our Legal Department at 916-319-4983. You can leave a voicemail and a legal advocate will return your call within 24-48 hours. You can discuss the specifics of the case with the advocate and they will be able to give you advice based on that information. You are also welcome to call our 24 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank you.
I was in a domestic violence situation in the United States. I was born in mexico but I was raise in the United States.I met him in high school and dated him since 2011. He was always an abusive partner and he started being physically abusive in 2014. He threatened to hurt me or my family if I said anything about this situation. He hurt me so much I ended up in the hospital. I did the police report in the hospital. I decided to move to mexico because I was afraid of him and his family. I was still a student and worked in the united states. I just don’t want this to occur again and I am afraid of my safety. What can I do? I live in mexico but my father lives in the united sates. What help can I get? Good morning. Thank you for contacting us for support and resources. There are resources in both the United States and Mexico. It may be best to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for these resources so that it can be specific to your city and state in the U.S. or Mexico. A Support Line Advocate can also work on a safety plan with you over the phone. You are also welcome to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983 for any legal questions regarding your case. 
I was advised by a family member to check out this website. The backstory is: 15 year back and forth relationship. We have two kids. I married him a year ago thinking that would fix our problems and we could really try to be a family. The problems are still occurring. I really see that this is an abusive relationship and have started the process of divorce. He wants us to try harder and work on our relationship more…The question at hand is if I am in an abusive relationship can “we” break the cycle together, is there still hope for us to be in a relationship, or is the only way to break the cycle to completely end the relationship. I’ve looked at the abuse cycle and it mirrors my relationship to the T. However I do love my husband and don’t want to end relationship either but I don’t want to be unhappy due to the emotional abuse or be scared of his outbreaks I have to go through on occasions. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. You are not alone in that many people in similar situations have the same questions. You deserve to live without fear and free of violence. The best thing to do at this point may be for you to seek some counseling. Counseling would provide you a safe space to talk about your situation and really delve into what would be best for you and your children. WEAVE provides counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-2pm or Wednesdays from 5-7pm. There is playcare available during the Wednesday time. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional support or resources.
I have a DV restraining order and I am moving. I need to update the address where police would respond to a nearby city. How do I do that? Thank you. Good morning and thank you for contacting us. It may be helpful for you to contact our legal department for consultation regarding this. The legal line number is 916-319-4983. This is a voicemail and someone will return your call within 48 hours. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank you.
I lived with someone who abused me. He was the homeowner. When I tried to leave and get help from police, he found out. He became enraged. He said that he didn’t want me making trouble for him in his own home. He went to a judge and got a restraining order to evict me. I tried to get DV help, but was told that I was the “perpetrator” not the “victim.” How do I prove the truth? PS. 2 weeks after he filed the RO, he started contacting me. He said the RO only applied to his house, and that we could still have lunch. He promised me gifts in exchange for meeting with him. I refused. Good evening and thanks you for contacting us. Depending on the details of your situation there are a couple of things that may be helpful. Did you receive a copy of the orders? The orders will state what areas you must maintain your distance from. Please contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with advocates about your options and WEAVE services that may benefit you.
I think my father qualifies as physically abusive. He has no problem pulling out his belt, swinging at my brother and I with a broomstick, or smacking us in the face with his large, heavy, painful hands, Let me give you some background information. In my family, there is my mother (39), father (47), sister (6), brother (12), and me (14). My brother and I fight often, and sometimes it leads to physical violence between the two of us. My father has major problems with his side of the family (lawsuits have been filed). I don’t know the exact details, but I can tell you that we don’t see them anymore. My father has had a difficult life. At 16, he was smuggled out of Iran to avoid being drafted into the military. He didn’t see his family for a number of years after that, but he still worked his way up the ladder, doing everything from washing dishes, to putting himself through college. He has a Masters in accounting, and I can honestly say, I am extremely proud of him for that. He says his father was not a good one, being emotionally absent. As you can see, he has had a very difficult life. But does that give him the right to try to hit me with a broomstick just because my brother and I are in the middle of a screaming match? Just last week, this exact situation happened. My brother and I were fighting over something stupid. It hadn’t developed into a physical confrontation yet, until my father walked through the door. He hears the screaming, flares his nostrils, barrels towards us, and backhands us in the face. Then he goes for the broomstick, and starts swinging. After he is done torturing my brother, he turns to me, as if saying, “You’re next.” The next thing I know, I’m catching the broomstick, sliding in so that he can’t break my grip, and asking him, to the point of pleading, stop what he is doing, and take a breath. You see, in the past, he would take similar action, but I never confronted him before because I was simply too small and weak. Anyways, he did not do any such thing. Instead, he pushes me off, kicks me out the front door, says, “If you come back, I’ll kill you,” (an empty threat, seeing as how I am back and not dead), and slams the door. All the while my mother, who dearly wishes she could stop this monster, just stands by, because she is no match for him. What am I now to do? For the next 5 hours I roam around my neighborhood, alone, in the dead of night, scared, with nothing on but my pajamas and one sock. As I hope I conveyed to you, my entire family is living in fear of another beat down from my father. I think I am the first one to try to take action against him. Does he have the right to terrorize my family like this? I want to turn him in to the authorities, but their are two things holding me back: if I turn him in, who’s going to pay the bills? my mother can’t, she has three children to raise. Also, what if I turn him in, but he is just let go? Will he come after me or my siblings? What do I do? Good afternoon and thank you for having the courage to reach out for support for yourself and your family. No one should have to live in fear of their own family members or live in fear in your own home.  Have you spoken to anyone at you school about what is going on? It may be beneficial to speak to a counselor or teacher about what is going on at home.There are a lot of options for you and your family. There is a Teen Texting Support Line where you can get confidential support 24/7 just text “START” to 741741. Depending on the some further details on your situation WEAVE, Inc can help in a variety of ways. Finances are often a concern for those thinking of leaving an abusive home, there are numerous programs through the county that could assist your family in getting on their feet. Your mom can call the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with advocates about resources and way to keep you family safe.
I’m in a really bad and abusive relationship. And I don’t know how to get out of it. What’s keeping me back is the fact that we have a kid together and he watches her while I go to work. I’m living paycheck to paycheck as it is, and I have no financial support from anybody but myself. I can’t afford daycare and make too much for child action or on the waiting list. I just need help with my daughter’s daycare. She’s 11months old. I don’t want her growing up with the abuse either, I need to get out, just need help. Barely have help from family to watch her either. Any one that may be able to help works when I do. And he threatens that if I make him leave, he won’t watch our daughter while I’m working. He holds that over my head, and takes advantage of it.

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. Childcare can be very expensive and when trying to get aid it can become even more difficult as you mentioned with the income restrictions as well as large waiting lists. Have you heard of the Crisis Nursery? They can provide up to 30 days of childcare even overnight stays if that is needed.  When working with the Crisis Nursery their case managers can assist with an action plan to assist you in seeking long term daycare for your child. Check out their website for further info http://www.kidshome.org/what-we-do/crisis-nursery/

Also, for further resources please contact the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with advocates, the advocates can assist you with a plan to leave your relationship safely.

I am a mother of , the youngest 2 of my recent relationship of 7-8yrs married 3/2014. My spouse has never truly accepted my oldest son of my first relationship, which over the years has turned into a true hate relationship. I defend my child in every way possible and he knows that I understand what is taking place is not right and not okay. I have explained to him I need time to figure out what to do to get away from the situation to make better environment for all 3 of the kids. My spouse has never been physically abusive to my oldest but aggressively verbally abusive many times. He has on many occasions been what I assume physically abusive to the younger 2 children ages 2 and 5 and as I try to step in to defend them he tries to change what I seen and make up some story as to what he wants me to believe happened. I am not crazy and sometimes he makes me feel like I am going crazy he gets violently defensive about his story, this happens 2-3 times daily. I have recently quit a job which was working graveyard and it was running me down that I just couldn’t mentally pull myself through the day. We have separated a few different times over the 7 yrs, and in the last 3-4 yrs I feel I have become co-dependent of him as does him telling me that I won’t have anything without him. I have had to move my kids from house to house numerous times including staying with family and friends living in car staying in hotel rooms and washing in the shower at the gym to be sure I could make it to work. The most recent incident in July 2014 the police were called and however such happened he was truly the one to get physically violent had me pinned to the floor after dropping me to concrete floor, my son calling police, and after everything was done he had police believing I was the abuser and they were ready to arrest me due to his story. It seems extremely unfair and has caused me disbelief that help is really there and that he could easily tell a story and turn tables on me, there is so much more just looking for some other type of help. Good evening and thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately what you just described can be common, often times those that abuse intimate partners will create situations that makes one question their own mental health. Co-dependence is another common thread where one may feel that they have no other choice than to stay due to having no family or friends to provide support, finances, shame etc. It took tremendous strength to reach out for support today, just remember help is out there! WEAVE, Inc is able to provide various services to you and your children, from safe confidential shelter at the Safehouse, counseling for yourself and your children to legal assistance with dissolution, custody and Retraining Orders. Please call the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak to an advocate about  services that may be beneficial for you and your family. Advocates can also provide additional resources to meet your needs, create a safety plan and work with you to figure out your next move.
 
How do I get in a safe house? I’m sure when my batterer gets out of jail he will be coming for me. I’m willing to move wherever. Good evening and thank you for contacting us. For information on the WEAVE Safehouse please call the 24 Hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. Advocates can answer any questions you may have on admittance to the Safehouse as well as resources for other shelters in the area.
If my baby’s father attacked me while I was holding my baby, will he be allowed to visit or ask for custody if we are no longer together? Neither one of us has official custody, but I will be seeking custody. The father isn’t even listed on birth certificate because I had him when I was 17 and the father was 24. He told me that if I told someone he slept with me, he would harm me and take my son. Now he has physically hit me and I filed a report. Do you think I will be able to protect my son and myself from the abusive father? Hello and thank you for for reaching out for support. It is hard to say if the incident you mentioned would determine the custody of your child. Depending on the details of your situation there may be a couple of things that may be helpful. The Sacramento Court provides a workshop for child custody called the Parentage Workshop, information regarding the workshop can be found at https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/family/self-help-center.aspx#services. The Sacramento Court also offers restraining order workshops if you are interested to if you are interested in additional protection for yourself and your son information on the workshop can be found here  https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/domestic-violence.aspx#assistance. Please feel free to contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, where advocates can assist you in emotional support as well as additional resources that may benefit your family.
What do I do? I had to pull my ex husband off our 13 year old daughter this morning, he was choking her in the corner of her room and had her on the ground in front of our 11 year old daughter. Over her over spending on his credit card and granted her disrespectful teenage mouth. I sometimes feel like I want to smack her but I am the parent, the adult and I don’t. I refrain, I walk away or take a different approach in talking it out. I choose not to act on that anger. But what do I do about him? If I let it go and we don’t address it he will do it again possibly to our younger daughter. And if I call the authority’s it will start world war 4. My daughter told me she couldn’t fall asleep because every time she closed her eyes she saw him coming at her and felt she was in the corner of the room again. She is traumatized and he feels it was all justified. Do I let this go and be swept under the carpet or do I report him? Or do I just get her counseling and get my youngest out if his harms way or was it isolated incident? What do I do for my girls I am not a person to call the police. My father and my ex both abused me. But I don’t want my girls to repeat my mistakes and choose a man like that. Does he get away with this or not ? Hello and thank you for contacting us. From what you have explained it sounds like some family counseling or parenting classes may be benficial to your family. Each child is different in what parenting stlyes work and which do not, given that it may be informative to explore other appoarches in parenting your daughter(s). The HOPE counseling center offers a variety of services on a sliding fee scale at three different locations throughout the Sacramento area. The HOPE center may be reached at 916-444-2170. WEAVE also offers various counseling services in addition to the 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952, where advocates can provide you with additional resources for you and your family. Lastly, WellSpace operates a 24 Hour Parent Support Line where advocates can speak with you about all parenting challenges they may be reached at 888-281-3000.
Hi,
I am an APS SW and am inquiring about domestic violence counseling in the home between an elderly female Client and her adult son, who verbally abuses her. Does WEAVE perform domestic violence counseling in the home?
Hi there and thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately WEAVE does not provide counseling in the home, WEAVE specifically provides services to those that have experienced intimate partner violence and sexual assault. Please fell free to contact the 24 Hour Information and Support Line to inquire about the services WEAVE can provide.
My cousin is a male and his girlfriend is emotionally, mentally, and now physically abusive to him. I’m trying to get him in a supportive way to stand up for himself and protect himself. She yell’s at him everyday and degrades him. He messages me constantly about it and I have seen her yell and bully him several times. Once dropping him off and leaving him at my house for hours, and then yelling at him for spending time with his family. There is such a stigma in society that makes men the perpetrators, but it’s a woman this time. I know that you guys are beginning to help men in their times of need, what do I do to try and help him in this situation? Do you have a shelter or anything he can get to? She has a history of mental illness and has been put in a hold for suicidal and homicidal thoughts. Would that help him in a law suit later on if he presses charges? Thank you! Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. WEAVE provides services to everyone regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. It can be very difficult for men to reach out for help, as you mentioned there is a lot of stigma for men who have been abused. WEAVE is able to provide a variety of services including counseling, safe confidential shelter and legal assistance. He may also call the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to inquire about the services that may benefit him, if he wishes he can remain confidential on the line. Advocates will be able to provide your cousin information on how to access counseling and legal services as well as information on the Safehouse. Thank you for providing support and assistance to your cousin.
How can I help grandchildren in a abusive home. Daughter allows husband to kick 13 and 14 year olds out of the house, takes away toilet paper, laundry soap, shampoo cuts washer hose. Kids kept out of school because not able to dress or shower, step dad deprives them of food and heat in house. Daughter had court date in Yuba City court house but did not go daughter needs help too. What can I do? Police have been to their house hold so many times they can not help. Daughter has applied for four restraining orders before never goes through with them. How can I help kids? Have talked to school . Good evening and thank you for contacting us for support and resources for yourself and your daughter. It may be appropriate for you to contact Child Protective Services in Sutter County to seek options for your daughter and her family. They can be reached at (530) 822-7227 (24 hrs). Your daughter may also benefit from services provided by Casa de Esperanza, Inc they may be reached 24/7 at 530-674-2040
Hello, question…is WEAVE “area specific”? I live in Riverside California, can I avail myself of the helpline? I need assistance desperately.
Thank You
Good evening and thank you for contacting us. Yes, WEAVE is specific to the greater Sacramento area, however there are domestic violence agencies in every county in the sate of California. In Riverside county the local agency is Alternatives to Domestic Violence they can be reached toll free at 800-339-7233.
Where do I go after being hit? Hello and thank you for contacting us. Depending on your situation there may be a few options for you to maintain your safety. Please contact our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952, the support line advocates can assist you with safety planning and provide other resources if needed.
Do you know how to help someone who is being abused by there husband and also the husband abusing there dogs? Good evening and thank you for contacting us. RedRover is an agency that assists those in crisis and their pets. They have a variety of programs from assistance with veterinary care to providing safe shelter for animals. They may be contacted at 916.429.2457 or visit their website at http://www.redrover.org/.

How can I find free counseling? Can you give me referrals? 

Hello and thank you for contacting us. WEAVE provides free counseling, legal services, and other services that may be of interest. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional information about these services and/or other resources in the area.

My boyfriend owns guns (legally; with the required licenses, permits, etc). I’m afraid he will try to use a gun on me or threaten me with one if he gets angry. He told me not to tell anyone that he has guns. This is very concerning to me. I would appreciate any suggestions or information. 

Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. Depending on the details of your situation there are a couple of things that may be helpful. Please contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for specific resources that will fit your needs. The support line advocate can also assist with some safety planning if needed. 
How do I go about finding a successful, dedicated, female attorney who understands the term “abuse” to help me and my 83-year old father in an abuse situation. Taking it to trial set for Jan 8, 2015. I need help with presentation to a judge who apparently does not understand what abuse is. Do judges have to take “continuing education” or is it considered that they “know it all” by the time they are judging people. I furthermore don’t want to see other citizens become victims as me and my dad have…..hence, perhaps a lobbyist, and then an author?? There needs to be some new legislation put in place. This cannot be happening–a 43-year old son of mine “squatting” in my home while terrorizing me mentally. 
Hello and thank you for your inquiry. It may be helpful to refer to the following link for information about unlawful detainers (evictions): https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/ud/docs/ud-brochure.pdf as well as https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/ud/resources.aspx This website is helpful for the information relating to the unlawful detainer clinic. It’s held at the Carol Miller Justice Center. There is also help from Legal Services of Northern California with unlawful detainers. Legal services of Northern California also has a Senior Legal Hotline and they also help with unlawful detainers.
There is also a possibility of having an APS (Adult Protective Services) intervention.  You can refer to her the following link for additional information: 
http://www.dhhs.saccounty.net/SAS/Pages/Adult-Protective-Services/SP-Adult-Protective-Services.aspx
Hello I am really scared to take this step of leaving because I have been with this person for a very long time. I have collected many things and I do not want to loss my belongings because I will then have nothing. He is the total bread winner and says he will not give me a dime. So, how am I supposed to survive? If I leave, can I keep my things or will I have to lose everything I have? I am not a young woman anymore but I am losing my mind. He is emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive towards me. He is always telling me to leave and when I try he says I cannot take anything and I will not get anthing from him. He brings home a substantial amount of money and he is getting a large payout soon. Am I allowed to receive Alimony and half of this payout when he receives it to take care of myself financially? Thank you for your courage to contact us. It is not easy to reach out for support but you are not alone and WEAVE may be able to assist with several services. WEAVE provides services such as counseling, legal, emergency safe housing, and other resources. It would be helpful to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for specific information and details about the services that would most benefit your situation. A support line advocate is available to provide emotional support, as well as specific resources. You are also welcome to attend one of our free triage sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center.
My husband dosen’t hit me all the time but we argue a lot. Mostly in front of our 4 and 6yr old. He controls everything in our home. I’m not allowed to use the family truck unless I get his permission and in most cases he has to come with me. I have no money and no family. I’m from Missouri. I am tired of doing sexual favors to get simple things I need like personal items. I want a divorce and he knows if I get a job I can get out but I can’t with 2 small kids, no family, no money, and no car. I feel stuck and trapped. I feel like giving up most days but I know I need to get out for my babies. I’m tired. If I come to the triage will I be able to find somewhere to stay and get out and get help to stand on my own two feet? And if I can’t find a ride to the center to you provide transportation? Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out to us for support and resources. WEAVE provides services such as counseling, legal assistance, and emergency safe housing. For information about emergency safe housing please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. For counseling and legal services you may attend one of the free triage sessions or ask for information from the support and information line as well.
My family and I are looking to find a place to go away from my father who is breaking a restraining order by showing up to where we live unannounced and harassing me and my mom. He is also constantly trying to come in contact with my mother,who lives with me and my newborn child, etc. I have run into him twice since he has been out of jail over the past week or so just running errands around town and my question is, what resources are there for moving or relocation to safe housing for women?

Good evening. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. Since he is in violation of a restraining order, it may be helpful to contact your local law enforcement agency. Yu can also file a report online at https://www.sacpd.org/reports/fileonline/vro/index.aspx

If you are interested in safety planning, housing resources, or other support please contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

-If my ex boyfriend has assaulted me and I want to move out so he doesn’t know where I live, can I break the lease?

Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation. California extends special protections to tenants who are victims of domestic violence.One of the domestic violence laws that applies to tenants is the right to early termination of your lease. There are some protections for landlords as well, such as the right to proof of DV status. The best thing to do is to contact your local law enforcement agency or our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 so that information specific to your circumstance can be considered when providing resources and recommendations. WEAVE also provides counseling, legal services, and emergency housing. Information about these services can be accessed by calling this line as well.

Is it still domestic violence if my husband hasn’t physically abused myself or our children in years, but continues to have a short temper, yell and cuss at us, and particular berate me in front of them. For example he will call me a b**** in front of them regularly and now that they’re all adolescents & 2 out of the 3 are bigger than me, I’m beginning to feel similar treatment from them. My oldest, a 16 yr old girl, cusses, and frequently tells me to f*** off or shut the f*** up; incidentally something they also hear their dad say to me a lot. The one I’m most concerned about right now is my 12 year old son; who was recently hospitalized on a 5150 due to property destruction and threat of violence to myself, my husband, and himself. I’m almost at my wits end and I don’t know how to continue to cope with this. I honestly didn’t even need to ask if this is still domestic violence, I know it is. I’m just afraid of what that means, how I can stop the cycle, and how we can make the changes we so desperately need. I need help!!!

Good morning. Thank you for reaching out and seeking the support you need. Yes, Domestic Violence extends beyond physical violence and includes emotional abuse, financial abuse, and other types as well. Domestic violence impacts the whole family. WEAVE provides many services that may benefit you and your family. To find out more about these services you are welcome to attend a free traige session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10am-1pm or Wednesdays from 4p-7p at our 1900 K Street office. Or, you are encouraged to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for emotional support, resources, and/or additional questions about our services.

My sister called me at 4:30 a.m. yesterday morning 11-26 crying that she had left her abusive boyfriend and he and his friends were looking for her. She was on the street. She called me from a strangers house and the cops showed up. I hung up with her and haven’t heard from her since. I looked in Sac jail and she’s not there. The hospitals won’t tell me anything. Like she’s just gone and I don’t know what to do. I’m her brother. I don’t even want to know where she is and if she’s with you guys I just want to know if she’s okay.

Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us. Not knowing the whereabouts of a loved one is stressful and emotionally difficult. Due to confidentiality, our agency cannot disclose any information to you which means that we cannot confirm nor deny whether your sister is receiving services. The best course of action may be to file a missing person’s report with law enforcement and seek their advice. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources and emotional support. Thank you.

I am looking for my friend. She met a guy and the last she texted me she told me that he hits her. She said that he doesn’t let her leave the room and that she is not happy. She will not try to leave him since he will then hit her and she does not know anyone in Sacramento. I do not know where they are at but know she needs help getting out. When I call the phone numbers, they do not answer or say it is the wrong number. I would like to have an officer check on her and see if she is alright. 

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us for support and resources for finding your friend. It may be appropriate to contact law enforcement regarding a welfare and safety check. You can contact the Sacramento Police Department through their non-emergency phone number to request this and ask them for additional recommendations. This number is 916-264-5471. If you need additional resources for your friend regarding Domestic Violence please feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
Does mental abuse apply as DV? Hello and thank you for your question. Mental abuse is considered emotional abuse and falls under domestic violence. Emotional abuse is also about power and control and is just as traumatizing as physical abuse. Other types of abuse include financial, spiritual, and sexual. If you are in a situation where any of these exist, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources. WEAVE provides free services such as counseling, legal, and emergency shelter for domestic violence victims. Additional information about these services can be accessed by calling the support and information line as well.
My husband is very violent at times. He has hit me in the neck right after a 4 disc surgery. I need to get out but I have two adult boys that live with me and he and them have gotten into fights before because of me. I want to leave this home but I am afraid to leave my boys he will totally freak out when I leave, and I am afraid I will lose whatever equity I have in the house. He has been arrested multiple times for abuse, but I always blame myself and say that I was drinking as to why it started the problem I used to have a drinking problem but it was due to his abuse and porn addiction. We have a lot of money but he keeps it from me and does not allow me access to any of the accounts except the ones he wants me to have which he puts very little in . Just last night he woke me up violently screaming and chasing me through the house I just cant take anymore. It is just sex he wants from me I need to find a place but I don’t know where to go. I just got back from London with him where he strangled me I tried to defend myself and we were both arrested in a foreign country. They asked me if I wanted to press charges against him and I said no but he wanted to press against me but there was not enough evidence because they could clearly see it was self defense. I need to get out. One day he beats me and the next day he’s so sorry and loves me to death. Me and the kids are afraid hes going to kill me. His ex wife had to get a restraining order against him. It goes on and on. please help tell me where to go. Good morning and thank you for contacting us for support. I am sorry you are in this situation and hope that WEAVE can assist you in some way. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, legal assistance, and emergency shelter. It may be helpful to attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office. During the triage session and advocate can listen to your story and provide resources specific to your needs. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources or support. Through this support line, you can also inquire about our emergency shelter program. 
I am a domestic violence survivor and have been applying to enter back into the workforce. I have enough experience but feel so overly anxious about my interview. I’m worried that my emotions, mood swings and inadequate feelings will surface and make me unreliable or unaccountable. Help please Hello and thank you for contacting us for support. It is commendable that you are applying for work and congratulations on your interview. Your feelings and anxiety are normal. Sometimes it is helpful to talk with someone about it and get emotional support. It may be helpful for you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. An advocate can provide emotional support, provide some useful tools that you can utilize during your interview, and offer resources if needed. 
Hello, I am living with my husband who is suffering from (deep depression, bipolar, manic, insomnia, medicine abuser )for the last 10 years. He has always abused me mentally, by shouting, slamming doors,using bad vocabulary. 
Last year we refinance the house due to unemployment and got a line of credit. He used $ 8000 in 3 months because of manic attack. For your info. The mortgage is under his name only and my name is on deed only. The last 3-4 years was a hell for me and I would like to let this marriage go but he doesnt let me. He says all marriages has up and down and you need to be patient with me. He says because I dont have a full time job then I cant support myself and I need him. 
To be honest I am scared to divorce because I dont have any place to go. I became a US citizen couple of months ago. I have a part time job but cant support myself with it. I am so scared to step forward .I have become so depressed and lost my confidence because living with my husband. He had couple of long relationships and after 5-6 years always they left him. He is saying women need me , use me and leave me alone, you want to do the same thing! He is an educated man, very polite, kind man but he never want to accept bipolar is a disease and need a long term therapy and medication and not using any other medication. He has been like this all his life since he was 17.
I would like to know if he doesn’t work and can not pay the debt, am I responsible for paying the debt? I would like to know if a legal separation will help out or not?
Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. Financial circumstances are a huge barrier to leaving and these are all very good questions. It may be helpful to seek legal advice about your specific situation. WEAVE’s legal department can provide referrals/information and can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 or attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You can also contact the Legal Services of Northern California at 916-551-2102 for assistance. 
My boyfriend has a history of domestic violence with others. He belittles me, says I am lazy, expects things like dinner to be made and sex and when I say no or don’t do them with enthusiasm he gets angry. He’s triggered my PTSD from childhood abuse (physical and sexual and emotional abuse) and when I have explained this he acts like it’s no big deal. He hasn’t hit me but he will get in my face, he’s grabbed my arm and recently during an argument he threw a balled up t-shirt at me in anger. I walk on egg shells all of the time and am terrified. I’ve tried to get him to leave many times but he refuses. He definitely has an abuser cycle. Is this just the beginning? I can’t get out…I am the bread winner (we have one child together and I have two others) and I never have enough money to move out. Should I take drastic measures to get out now? Good morning. Thank you for contacting us for support and information. I am sorry you are in this situation and hope that you can get the support you need for the safety of yourself and your children. It may be helpful to speak with our legal department regarding a Temporary Restraining Order. WEAVE also provides counseling and emergency shelter. Information about these services can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate can provide you with resources, emotional support, and safety planning. 
I just wanted to know if there are any good tips to help my husband. I know he is trying hard to be less violent, its slowly getting less intense but I react worse each time, as I feel I re-live every single time it’s happened in the past… I know he’s trying hard… is there anything else I should do?

Hello. Thank you for contacting us and seeking resources. For you safety and well-being, it is helpful to understand the cycle of violence and the stages of change. Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse in an intimate relationship that escalates over time. The cycles include tension building, explosion, and a false-honeymoon phase. It is important to recognize these as they happen to safety plan and be aware of patterns. These phases do not always happen in a specific order either. Sometimes it may seem like the abuser is making strides toward change in some parts of the cycle. For someone who is in the process of change, it is helpful to be aware of the model of behavior change. During this process resources and support may be helpful. There are batterers intervention and anger management groups/classes that are sometimes helpful. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and he’s never hurt me physically but in the past few months I have opened my eyes to some emotional abuse. I have been trying to work that out in my head because it is so subtle. Last night I stayed out late with a friend and came home around 3 am. Not an unheard of thing for me to do and he has done it himself so I didn’t really think much of it. However about an hour after I fell asleep I woke up feeling very cold. When I came more to my senses I found that my husband had poured a cup of ice cold water all over my back and bed. I knew this because he left the cup laying beside me on the bed. I didn’t know what to do. For the first time I felt fear of him coming back into the room and doing something else to me, but he didn’t. I guess my question is, is him pouring the water on me considered physical abuse, and could it be a sign of physical abuse starting in the future? I need to know. I do have support if it is but I’m afraid to say something if I’m over reacting.

Good evening and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Domestic violence is perpetuated in many different ways and it is common to feel the need to reach out for clarification. Domestic violence is about power and control. From what you are describing, it sounds like you fear your husband and that things may be escalating. Not all abuse is physical and you mentioned that you are starting to take notice to some emotional abuse. WEAVE provides services such as counseling, which may be helpful for you to process this. You can access free counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. WEAVE also provides legal services and emergency shelter and these services can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. You are also welcome to call this support and information line if you would like additional resources specific to your needs and/or for further emotional support.
I’m a dad of three little minions. I have been divorced for 5 years and my ex-wife finds a guy and then gets stable for about 3 to 6 months. She takes my kids around him and it ends up bad. She fights, hits, and the whole 9 yards. The kids end up living with me full-time at the end of every one of her relationships. Cops are called, the kids lives are upset, and I have to put it back together and make it stable for them again each time. This is very brief synopsis. 

She was booked for family assault domestic violence for slapping her boyfriend while my son was in the car for about an hour asleep. The car was leaking gas and getting into the car through the air duct. (Son has Bad Asthma), which resulted in me and him being in the ER until 1am. 

I have been to the DA and attorney general’s office to try to get help and they both turned me away and I have no other options. Her parents want me to take her parental rights away to keep them safe but I am the non-costodial parent. And if she calls the cops, I have to give them to her. I have contacted a lawyer and am going to speak to them tomorrow but I need to handle this to protect my kids. Please Help
Good evening. Thank you for contacting us for information and resources. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. You have already done an amazing job at providing stability and safety for your children and reaching out to an attorney like you have is the best thing to do in the situation. Filing for custody and’or a court order would be an option. WEAVE offers a free Child Custody Information Only Workshop on the 1st Wednesday of each month from 5:30p-7:30pm at our 1900 K Street center. This workshop may be helpful for you as well. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line for additional resources at 916-920-2952.
What if the domestic violence is going back and forth in the relationship and both are having the situation?

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like your question is referring to how to determine who the “predominant aggressor” is and why this may happen. This is a very common question and difficult as well. A “predominant aggressor” is defined in the United States as the party who is the most significant or principal aggressor. It is important to determine which party is the predominant aggressor so that the true victim can effectively seek safety, and so that offenders are held accountable.

A violent assault is one act in a series of controlling and intimidating tactics used by a batterer to attain power and control over the victim.  Victims may utilize violence to avert an attack from the aggressor or in self-defense.  Thus, the predominant aggressor may not be the first party to use violence in the incident.  Batterers may try to convince the police, family members, etc. that the violence was mutual and that they are also a victim. 

In order to identify the predominant aggressor, it is important to understand the dynamics of domestic violence. Such as identify which injuries are due to self-defense and which are offensive injuries. We must also look beyond the visual evidence and consider the context of the act of violence by identifying controlling behavior in the predominant aggressor and fear in the victim.  It is vital to recognize the signs of power and control.  Some of these tactics are: Emotional abuse, Patterns of violence, Isolation of victim, Use of threats, Enforcement of trivial demands.

While it is difficult to determine immediately who the predominant aggressor and victim is, an understanding of domestic violence and power and control is helpful. If you still have questions or need additional information please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

I am an 8 month pregnant mother with a 2 yr. old and 5 yr. old who just started kindergarten. My husband rarely hits me, but on the occasion that he does, which is usually after an explosive argument, he won’t let up on slapping me,throwing objects at me, and verbally abusing me in front my boys. He also becomes revengeful towards me. However,if I apologize and relent that he’s right for his actions and the way I’m being treated, then he switches back to being ‘normal’ and life continues on in the same dysfunctional pattern. I want to leave this dysfunctional environment with my 2 boys, but I don’t know what to do. I feel utterly trapped…I don’t have a job. I don’t have a driver’s license. I don’t have a car of my own. I don’t have any friends at all. I don’t have any family members here in Sacramento that I can turn to for help. My relatives live on the East Coast. I just feel hopeless because my son just started kindergarten and I don’t know what to do about that were I to leave this house. Should I even bother turning to WEAVE for guidance and help? Hello. I am sorry you are in this abusive situation and feeling trapped. Yes, WEAVE can assist you with services and resources. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 so that an advocate can give you the most appropriate resources and information based on your specific needs. By calling this number, you can also request information about our emergency shelter program. 

I have been a victim of parental abuse and teacher/student abuse. Both of which were occurring simultaneously at one point in my childhood. I have committed acts of abuse towards my own children and am deeply remorseful and regretful of it. I am also involved in a marriage with an emotionally abusive man who on rare occasion will resort to physically abusing me, in which case I have also defensively reacted by throwing things at him to keep him away from me, which I know is still domestic violence nonetheless. None of this is acceptable or right. I don’t want to be an abusive person and don’t want to be abused any longer, and most of all I have failed my children, by subjecting them to physical and verbal abuse in the first place, and allowing them to witness the shocking display of toxic behavior between my husband and I. I don’t want to lose my children and I really just want to break this vicious and horrendous cycle. Any advice for me?

Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry you are in this situation and acknowledge you for taking this important step to break the cycle. WEAVE provides many services to victims of Domestic Violence, including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. To access counseling and legal services you can attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. To access our emergency shelter, you can call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to complete a phone screening. A support line advocate can also provide support and resources that may be helpful. 

What kind of shelters do you provide? What is the duration of time one can stay in one of those shelters? Do you provide childcare? Do you help/assist victims of domestic violence in finding their own places to live, like an apartment etc.?

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information about our shelter services. WEAVE provides emergency shelter for victims of Domestic Violence. The shelter is part of a comprehensive 60 day program that includes case management, group and individual counseling, and support and advocacy. There is no Daycare but playcare is provided for some instances as available. We also have an Employment and Housing Specialist that works with residents on housing options post their exit date. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you have additional questions.
What happens in WEAVE? I heard there is a shelter? How does it work to get in?  Good afternoon. Thank you for your inquiry regarding our shelter service. WEAVE provides many services such as counseling, legal, and safe shelter. The legal and counseling services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. For safe shelter services, an over the phone screening can be requested by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate is available to discuss your specific needs and facilitate a screening. The advocate can also provide additional resources that may be helpful.
I have a friend that lives in Concord & is in a very abusive marriage. She needs help moving back to Sacramento. She has an older pitbull that is very gentle & sweet. Her spouse has physically, mentally, & sexually abused her as well as threatened her dog. She needs to find a safe place here in Sacramento for her & her dog. Is there anything I can tell her? Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us regarding your friend. There is an excellent resource that your friend can call regarding pets. Red Rover is an organization that can provide safe escape, safe housing, and safe support programs for pets during a crisis situation. Their phone number is 916-429-2457. They can assist in may ways for your friend’s pet care. WEAVE provides safe confidential shelter to eligible victims of Domestic Violence and this service can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line advocate can also provide specific resources for your friend’s needs.
Hi there. My sister was in a DV situation and my wife and I took her and her two daughter in 5 years ago. Recently she started a relationship with a person who is under investigation by CPS because he tased his 10 year step son, he has two older children who where abused emotionally by him. She is now moving in with him stating that he has never abused a child and his kids are lying. Is there anything, legally, my wife and I can do to prevent our nieces (one had her neck broken the other got badly beating by their dad) to stop the kids from entering that house? I feel so helpless as my sister wont listen to reason. Good afternoon. Thank you for utilizing our message board and asking for support. It’s difficult to know what to do in situations such as these, however it sounds like your in a situation that may need some additional support from CPS. CPS’s mission is to protect children and strengthen families. CPS may be able to provide you with some advice and resources to better assist your sister. They can be contacted on their 24 Hour Child Abuse Hotline: (916) 875-5437 (875-KIDS). You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would to speak with an advocate about it and/or for additional resources.
I’m currently in a marriage that I feel unhappy and unsafe. My spouse calls me names. He rarely hits me. He hits me with the back of his hand. He has punched me twice, pushes me too. If I say something he doesn’t like he will jump up and tell me he will beat me up if I don’t listen. He refuses to work, cook or clean. We have two small children both under age 5. They get scared and cry sometimes when he yells at me. He never hurts the kids though. They love him. I’m afraid of taking them away from him I don’t want it to be a mistake. But I rather co-parent and get a divorce. He has nothing no car no job he’s comfortable living off of me, he sees that I’m struggling and still won’t help with bills/get a job. He’s really mean to me. I’m afraid of the little hitting becoming worse. I have really low self esteem now. He talks so bad about me and then will say nice things. It’s confusing. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. I am sorry about what you are going through and hope that WEAVE can provide some resources and services. It is normal to feel confused during situations like this. Domestic Violence is about power and control and what you are describing is abuse. WEAVE provides counseling, legal, and shelter services that you may qualify for. To access our counseling and legal services you can attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. To see if you qualify for shelter call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. You can also call this support and information line to talk with an advocate about your situation and they can provide specific resources that will fit your needs.
If your spouse/husband tells you to be quite in a disagreement and you don’t then he slaps you in the mouth once saying “Be Quiet” and then begins yelling calling you a ugly women and makes fun of your looks. Is this a frame of Abuse of any kind? Even though I’m not bleeding and have no bruises. Good evening. Thank you for contacting us regarding your question. Domestic Violence includes many types of abuse, not just physical. Emotional abuse is one of these and sounds like what you are describing in addition to the physical abuse. Domestic Violence is about power and control and can be seen in many forms of abuse. It may be helpful to talk with a counselor and WEAVE provides free counseling services if interested. You can access these services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Office. WEAVE also provides services such as legal and shelter for those that qualify. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 
I AM SURPRISED WHY YOUR COMPANY IS NOT MORE INVOLVED WITH THE NFL AND THEIR LACK OF LEADERSHIP WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I AM SAD TO SAY YOUR COMPANY ALSO DROPPED THE BALL AND FAIL ON YOUR PART. I AM THINKING IF “WEAVE” IS ALSO A JOKE LIKE THE NFL!??? AS LONG AS THE COMMISSIONER STAYS ON BOARD, YOU AND THE NFL ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD.

We are sorry you feel this way and want to ensure you understand what we have done thus far and continue to do. Since news of the Ray Rice video and subsequent NFL player domestic violence arrests have emerged, we have remained adament that the focus needed to be on holding abusers accountable and that any effort to shift blame to the victim be challenged.  We have done this through the statement we released publicly which can be found here as well as the numerous media interviews we conducted in the days following the release of the video. 

 

WEAVE’s mission is to build a community that does not tolerate domestic violence and sexual assault and provides survivors with the support they need to be safe and thrive. We believe our actions in response to Ray Rice and other NFL players have been true to our mission. If you would like to discuss your concerns further, please do not hesitate to contact us. Our Business Line is 916.448.2321 (Monday – Friday) or you may email our Executive Director at bhassett@weaveinc.org.

My boyfriend has been verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. He has been more verbally and emotionally abusive than physically. He apologizes to me and says that he will stop as long as I stop doing things that make him mad, especially when he tells me not to do something, but I do it anyway. My family does not want me to see him at all because he hit me once and tried to physically harm me in other ways. Should I listen to my family and leave him when I really don’t want to leave him because I believe that he can change? Hello. Thank you for contacting us for support. You are not alone in being confused about what to do in situations like this and it is hard to know what will transpire from either decision you make. However, it is important to make an informed decision that is safe. The decision to leave or stay is one that many struggle with and it is usually helpful to see a counselor during the process of making a decision. Counseling may help with processing what you are experiencing, safetly planning, and information learning. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You are also welcome to call us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional support or resources.
My daughter is a DV victim of a husband who just entered prison. We fear retaliation due to her filing for divorce and need to know his release date and how to best keep her safe afterwards. He does have prior prison conviction for assault with a deadly weapon. I am not sure of which agency to start with. Good afternoon. Thank you for sending us your inquiry. If the abuser is in a California state prison, then you can go online at inmatelocator.cdcr.ca.gov and search for him. This search will give you some of this information. You can also contact the CA Dept of Corrections and Rehabilitation Inmate Identification Unit at 916-445-6713 for this information. WEAVE provides services such as counseling and confidential safe shelter. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for more information on these services.
I am being stalked by my husband. I left Arizona over a year ago to get away from him. He has filed divorce paperwork demanding money. I do not want to face him. He has threatened to come to sacramento to kill me and himself and i have subsequently run further and taken a leave of absence from work. I need help filing a no contact order in addition to some assistance with my divorce proceedings. I am hiding in a county north of Sac but cannot get assistance here because i have no address and no residency. Please assist me. Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for assistance and support. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, confidential shelter, and some legal services. To access our legal and counseling services you can attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. The Victim/Witness Assistance Program through the District Attorney’s Office is also a resource. They can be reached at 916-874-5701.You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line for additional information and resources. 

I was recently assaulted by my ex boyfriend and a lot of my hair was ripped from my head, mainly on the top. No matter what i do with styling it, nothing covers the large area without any hair and it’s effected my life tremendously. I’m insecure and can’t ever enjoy doing anything because I feel like my hair is being looked at. I’ve seen a hair professional and she told me my scalp is traumatized and my hair shouldn’t have any chemical treatments or extensions put in for a while so she recommended that I find a nice wig to wear while my hair grows back. But wigs that look natural are so expensive and I can’t find any that I can afford. Does your retail store carry any? Or do you know of anywhere I can go to find one I can afford?

Hello and thank you for contacting us regarding your question. The Victim/Witness Program through the District Attorney’s Office has resources that you may qualify for to assist with the cost of a wig and/or other resources. They can be accessed at 901 G Street, Sacramento, CA 95814
(p) 916.874.5701 (f) 321.2205.
Are there educational classes or services for those who don’t suffer physical abuse, but emotional and verbal abuse? Good afternoon. Thank you for your inquiry. A relationship can be abusive without physical abuse. Emotional and Verbal abuse are recognized as domestic violence and services are available for victims. WEAVE provides free counseling services, safe emergency shelter, and legal services. These services can be accessed by calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 or attending one of our free triage sessions on Tuesdays from 10a-1p or Wednesdays from 4p-7p at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. 
After 14 years of being in a DV relationship he has died. I thought it was over but the nightmare continues because he was the sole provider and now i stand here unable to move forward. I have not had a job in 14 years and now I am to old to do the labor work that I used to do. The job market for older women is poor and my low self esteem and fear of everything and everyone is a barrier. I am just one step from living under the bridge. Bills are due. Where can i get help to find a job?

Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out for information and support. There are several resources that may be helpful for you at this time. First, WEAVE provides free counseling services. Counseling may be beneficial for addressing the trauma, low self-esteem, and healing component. This service can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. In regards to assistance with securing a job, the following resources are available in the Sacramento area. Each of these agencies provide employment services.

Women’s Empowerment   916-669-2307
1590 north A Street, Sacramento, CA 95811

Francis House: Job Development Center
1422 C Street, Sacramento, CA 95814

Greater Sacramento Urban League   916-286-8600

3725 Marysville Blv, Sacramento, CA 95838

My girlfriend has been arrested for domestic violence in the state of Colorado 3 times. She has assaulted me with objects and has even come after me with a knife. I decided to record her one night while she drunkenly screamed at me. In the audio recording she said if it wasnt for our son she would kill me, she would gut me like a fish. I perceived this as a threat but in court what is the difference between would and will? Is that still considered a threat?

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and clarification. A “criminal threat” is when someone threatens to kill or physically harm someone and that person is thereby placed in a state of reasonably sustained fear for his/her safety or for the safety of his/her immediate family, the threat is specific and unequivocal and the threat is communicated verbally, in writing, or via an electronically transmitted device. Criminal threats can be charged whether or not the person making the threat has the ability to carry out the threat. It may be helpful for you to contact us on our 24 hour Information and Support line so that an advocate can give you specific resources regarding your circumstance. The Information & Support Line number is 916-920-2952. 

My husband is very controlling and verbally abusive. We’ve tried marriage counseling but no one can convince him that his behavior is wrong. Where can I seek help? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. WEAVE provides several services that may be beneficial in your situation. These services include free counseling, legal assistance, safe housing, and referral services. You are welcome to attend a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from  10am-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office. Or, you can call our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak with an advocate. 
I would like to know if my daughter is a victim of domestic violence? Her partner’s anger toward her and did damage to my property recently happened. Am I a victim as well? He torched the inside of my truck, which is my only means of transportation. I am sorry you and your daughter are experiencing this. Domestic violence is about power and control and it can look different in each situation. Your daughter’s and your safety are a priority. It may be helpful to file a police report to document this incident. It would also be most helpful to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 so that we can get a little bit more information and refer you to the most valuable resources. 

Can I still get a restraining order if I am trying to leave my husband and he is stocking me

Hello and thank you for contacting us. Each case is very different so the best thing to do is attend the free Temporary Restraining Order Workshop which is held each week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 8:30am-12pm at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse. The address is 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, CA. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line for additional resources.

After reading your definitions of the different types of abusive relationships I believe that 3 of them are present in my own relationship with my husband and our two children. Financial,
Spiritual, and verbal abuse. The biggest obstical in me getting out is the financial side. I have little to no access to any of our finances. I’m often denied the chance even to purchase basic necessities for myself and our kids until he decides to go and by them later usually after going without for several days. He refuses to let me get a job as he wants me to watch our kids while he works full time and when he is home he wants me to be home. One of my children is already in school and my other one will be going into pre k this year so that will free up roughly 4 hours a day for me to work despite his best efforts to prevent me. I do not believe I will be able to obtain a job to make enough money to support myself on a max of 15 hours a week as I will still be responsible for picking up and taking the kids to school daily. What would you suggest I do here? If I file for divorce and I am forced to leave and take shelter do you have any idea how long it would take for me to be awarded some alamony or child support so I can afford to live and support my children on the weeks I have them? Any ideas on childcare or emergency low income housing help?

Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. I am sorry you are in this situation and would like to offer a couple of resources that may be useful for you at this time. WEAVE offers many free services including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. It may be beneficial to speak with our legal department regarding your divorce questions. You can access emergency shelter by calling our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate will be able to assist you with the screening process as well as with other resources. 
I am a 23 yr old single mother and I live in Texas. The father of my 10 month old son refuses to let me see my son. The only time he allowed me to see him was after 11pm he strictly wanted me to come to his house so I did. When I arrived he and his mother were outside waiting on me. They immediately asked for my car keys which I denied them. I picked up my son, cried and held him in the front seat of my car in his driveway. My keys and cell phone were both in the cup holder. His father had my passenger car door open and leaned into my car. His mother had my driver side door open leaning into my car. She grabbed my keys and cell phone and told me I wasn’t leaving with my son. I stood up holding my son and she then snatched my son from my arms and immediately handed my son to his father. I tried grabbing my keys but she held onto then. She then grabbed me by my hair so I defensively started waving my arms around. In the tussle the father grabbed and bruised my arms and shoved me against their brick garage. I took pictures of course. I got my keys which had fallen on the ground and left immediately. She still had my cell phone so I could not call the police. She also pressed assault charges on me for swinging my arms when she had me by my hair. They have also not responded to phone calls or messages in attempt to see my son and has not let me see him without a court order in the middle of our custody battle. Is there anything I can do? What charges can I press on his mother and my sons father for doing this to me?

Thank you for contacting us for support and resources. I am sorry you went through this. Since you are in Texas, it would be helpful to view this website http://www.courts.state.tx.us/oca/pdf/ProtectiveOrderKit-English.pdf and you can also contact the Family Violence Line in Texas at 1-800-374-4673. Additional resources that may be helpful are The Family Place in Dallas (214-941-1991), The Center Against Family Violence in El Paso (915-593-7300), SafePlace: DV and SA Survival Center in Austin (512-267-7233), and Mosaic Family Services in Dallas (214-823-4434). You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 1-866-920-2952 for additional resources. 

My 14 year old sister-in-law is being mentally and emotionally abused. Would my fiance and I have the right to stop the mother from leaving our home with her in NY? The Mother is also legally disabled and the 14 year old child is her caregiver. Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. I am sorry that your sister-in-law is experiencing this. Since she is a minor, the best thing to do is to contact your local Child Protective Services Agency to make a report, seek clarification, and understand your options. If the Mother is also being abused then you can call the local Adult Protective Services as well since she is disabled. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour Support and information Line at 916-920-2952 or toll free at 866-920-2952 for additional resources. 

I need to know where I can get a dissolution of marriage (divorce) packet for free in South Sacramento?
I have no cash to print it off at the library and no access to a printer.
I’m leaving a emotionally abusive relationship and want to file immediately.
Where can I get the packet? Thanks.


Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information. Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the Courthouse no longer carries any forms for free apart from the DV packets. You may be able to get the first set of dissolution paperwork at the self help center, but only after an appointment. Additionally, the copying costs for additional copies that are required for filing, will need to be borne by the person requesting assistance. There is a fee associated with filing for a divorce, unless you qualify for a fee waiver. The fee waiver forms are available for free in Room 100 at the Sacramento Family Courthouse. All of these forms are available for free at our dissolution workshops. WEAVE’s dissolution workshop is on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30-7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the month from 3-5pm at 1900 K Street. For more information about this service and/or other resources, please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
 
I am in a violent situation. My boyfriend, the father of my one year old son, yells and throws things at me. He mentally abuses me. He has pushed me twice and once kicked me. He threw a kiddy pool filled with ice cold water on my head. When I try to leave he grabs my son and my car keys and will not give me either. I am on felony probation. He tells me I will never get my son because I am on probation. I am trying to find out what my rights as a mother are. I am scared his temper will keep escalating. Could I take him without violating probation? Is it illegal for me to take my son aginst his fathers wishes? I am sorry you are in a violent situation and commend you for seeking out your rights and options. Since each situation is very different and has unique needs, it would be best to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss the details of your immediate needs. A Support Line Advocate is available to listen to you and provide you with the most meaningful resources for your specific situation. You are also welcome to attend a free triage session at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesday from 4-7pm.
I have a boyfriend that throws things, pushes me, has kicked me once, and verbly assaults me. Once, he poured a whole pool on me. Needless to say he has anger issues. I just need to know my rights as a mother of our 14 month old. I am on probation for a felony and he tells me that I could never get custody of him because of this. He takes my keys and the baby everytime I have tried to leave. What can I legaly do as the baby’s mother to leave him? Good afternoon and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support and information. Your situation is not your fault and you are not alone in wanting to understand what you can do. WEAVE provides various services that may be helpful in understanding your rights and options. These services include Legal workshops, counseling, safe shelter, and other resources. You are welcome to access these services by either calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 or attending a free triage session during the hours of 10a-1pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays or 4p-7p on Wednesdays.

While using your services to obtain information and forms associated with a summary dissolution, several items became assocaited with child support; my paycheck and health benefits. 

What do you suggest individuals do so that this does not happen to them over and over again?


Good morning. First of all, thank you for contacting us for information and clarification. Our workshops are informational sessions to assist people in understanding the broad framework of the laws and what the process is. It is not attorney advice. We inform workshop attendees several times in the process to consult an attorney depending on their individual needs. 
If you want to understand why you have been impacted or if you want us to give other workshop attendees information, please let us know by contacting our support line at 916-920-2952 and we will look into either reviewing your case on a consult only basis or incorporate your suggestions if your experience can be generally applied to our clients. 
The forms that we provide in our workshops are mandatory forms with regard to starting a petition or following up with financial information that is mandatory in the dissolution process. 
I hope this helps and thank you for your follow up.
 
How do I get out of a violent relationship without getting hurt? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Escaping a violent relationship is different for each person and really needs to be based on the victims needs. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line Advocate can listen to your story and concerns and provide resources and options specific to your needs. Or, you are welcome to attend our free counseling traige on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office.

I am 43 years old, with 2 boys. I am in a 5 year 2nd marriage. I have 2 kids of mine from the previous marriage. Because I had partial complex seizure and went through brain surgery in 2003, I have not been able to hold down any job passed the probation period! 
My current husband keeps putting me down and says I need psychological help, that I need to speak to my psychiatrist. Not only that, he keeps bringing the kids into all our fights, calling the kids into witness our fights and told them that I ‘need help!’ That’s the reason I send my kids away to my parents as much as I can.
I cannot afford to keep sending my kids away because my Ex husband will take them away from me even though he houses a girlfriend, her two kids and three foreign exchange kids over his house. 
I really miss my kids, and I don’t want to lose them; yet, I don’t want them to hate me if I bring them back home here.
Right now, between all my debts and housing and everything, I cannot afford to leave this relationship. However, we get into verbal fights every day! My friend said that verbal abuse will lead to physical abuse??? Can you please help?

I’m sorry that you are dealing with this and commend you for reaching out to us for support. It sounds like there are multiple barriers to you being able to leave this complex situation. WEAVE provides various services that may be useful to you during this time. These services include legal, counseling, safe emergency shelter, and referrals to other resources. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for detailed information on these services. 
Do you help men that are victims? Hello and thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your question is common and I am happy to inform you that yes we do provide services to men that are victims. I invite you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate can listen, offer support, and provide information on the specific services you may be interested in.

I have a friend who is in a domestic violence situation. She says that no one will help her. She has been arrested and charged 4 times with domestic violence. Her husband beats himself up and then calls the cops and she gets arrested. She does not always tell the truyth and both are heavy drinkers. She blames me for calling the cops but I have never been home when the violence hapens so how can it be me? I guess I need some help to. I do not like being accussed.

Good morning and thank you for reaching out for information and support. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is a great resource. A support line advocate can provide you and your friend with local resources for counseling, legal services, safe shelter, and other services. WEAVE also has free triage sessions on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center.
My daughter was in a very abusive relationship. when she was pregnant with my grandson at 6 months he started beating her. I went over to their house because I didn’t hear from her for a few days and when I seen her I was really scared for her life and my grandchildren as well so I called the police and he was arrested. she is at my house now but I really don’t have the room for her and the 2 boys. she really needs some help dealing with all of the issues she is having regarding being abused. I was wondering if you had some type of housing referral for low income victims? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. WEAVE provides free counseling services, legal services, and emergency shelter for survivors of Domestic Violence. Your daughter can access these resources by calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line Advocate can also provide you with resources specific to your daughter and her children’s needs. 

I have been beaten by my girlfriend for months. I started the restraining order process but didnt follow through because I wasn’t on the lease and would have to move if I did. So I decided to wait it out until I had enough money to move out.Today she turned a knife on my son so I called police. I felt victimized by the officer more than my abuser. I was told all the things a victim fears they will hear when they call…why do you stay? Just go to a shelter (which isnt an option because I have an 18 yr old son and 2 cats), She’s entitled to be here too…and so on. I will never call the police again. He shamed me. Maybe they’ll listen when she finally puts me in the hospital or kills me.

I am sorry you experienced this when you were seeking help, safety, and support. Your concerns are valued and although you have an adult child and pets, there may still be some options for safety. It may be helpful to attend a free counseling triage session at our 1900 K Street center or call the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952. Triage is available on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm. An advocate can assist you with your primary needs and provide resources.

Is this considered Domestic Violence?: I am observing this happen to a relative.
No physical violence to the best of my knowledge, but emotional abuse and a lot of angry behavior. The husband only complains angrily about what is wrong with the house, his wife, the kids, but never what is good. The kids are afraid of their dad and say they don’t like him and want to live somewhere he isn’t, or go on vacation without him. He yells about any behavior he doesn’t like and spanks very hard. It is a house of stepping on eggshells and being afraid of questioning anything. Other people observe this behavior and his temper too and once he was yelling so severely at the kids in a parking lot that someone called the police who later came to this home to question the husband and wife about it. He leaves for long periods (hours not days) when he is in a bad mood or something has upset him and he will put everyone including the little kids subject to the silence treatment for days. He hides the finances from the wife. He won’t let the wife go for an evening with girlfriends, comments on how she is dressing (“too sexy” but it never really is), and got them into tax trouble that she didn’t know about. I am very worried but the wife doesn’t seem to see this the way I do. She does get frustrated about it though.

Thank you for your inquiry regarding your relative. It is sometimes difficult to identify Domestic Violence. Domestic violence is about power and control and is a pattern of behavior. Forms of Domestic Violence include physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and sexual abuse. These can all range from subtle to severe. Often times a victim may not “see” the abuse for various reasons. The best thing you can do is listen, support, and provide information/resources. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to obtain resources specific to your relatives needs and/or give your relative the number so she can call when she is ready to seek support/services.
I have relocated from Oregon to Sacramento, CA because of an abusive relationship. With the help of my mother I am now here with her awaiting my daughter’s arrival as soon as school is out. I sent her to my sisters so that she was safe this past school year. I now remember why I left my mother when i was 15. I am almost feeling like I would rather be with my abuser than here with my mother who is also abusive emotionally, mentally, financially and very controlling. I am not wanting to bring my daughter here to this. All I want is for us to be together and to be safe and healthy. We miss each other terribly! I know nothing about California. I have left everything behind and everything familiar. I barely know where the grocery store is and that is only because my daughter and I went on a walk together just to have some quality time a couple of weekends ago. Is there anyone here that can help me with resources, shelters, employment?? I’m feeling like a little kid and almost like i need someone to hold my hand. It is a very helpless feeling. My abuser was recently released from jail. He has tried to contact me a couple of times with out success but now I am concerned because I don’t know of his whereabouts. At least when he was locked up I knew all was ok. Hello and thank you for contacting us for resources and support. You are brave for taking the steps toward safety for you and your daughters. It is normal to feel helpless and somewhat lost in this type of situation. But you are not alone and there are resources available. WEAVE provides free counseling, legal assistance, emergency shelter, and other support services. All of these can be accessed by calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line Advocate will listen to you and assist with resources surrounding your needs. 
My husband gets in my face and threatens me so badly I cry every night. How do I leave? I have no one but my children. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that it is not your fault and you are not alone. WEAVE provides free Domestic Violence counseling, legal services, emergency shelter, and other supportive services that may be useful during this time. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for specific details on either of these resources and/or other services you may need. 

My neighbor came to me last night asking to use my phone. Her live-in boyfriend took her phone when he left the house. She told me that he is beating her. She owns the home. She has asked him to leave. He won’t. She fears retaliation if she calls the police. How can I help her? Are there services available to help her? We live in Sacramento.
Thank you for taking the initiative to contact us for information for your neighbor. Being in a Domestic Violence situation is difficult and having someone like a neighbor there for support is vital to them seeking services when they are ready. WEAVE provides free counseling services, legal services, and 24 hour telephone support at 916-920-2952. It may be helpful for you to give your neighbor this number for her to call for support and information. A support line advocate can provide her specific referrals for housing questions regarding her home, legal referrals and instructions regarding a restraining order, and other useful resources.

My husband filed false domestic violence charges against me and is using this to keep my children.
 
I am sorry you are having to go through this. The best thing to do is contact our 24 hour Information and Support line. A Support Line Advocate can speak with you regarding your specific situation and provide you with the best resources and referrals. Our Legal Department may also be able to provide information and/or referrals once a legal assessment has been completed by the Support Line Advocate. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line number is 916-920-2952.
My exboyfriend physically assaulted me and I received 8 stitches on my fore head. I had a judge give an order of protection. His charge was assault 3. He can only see our daughter with a 3rd party. My daughter is 3 and has Autism and the routine has changed so much and she is not adjusting well. Last Friday he filed for sole custody.
Is there thing I should know to prepare myself? I am frantic. He is very short tempered and abusive.
Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. With regard to legal consultation, it is recommended that you call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for our legal department assessment process and workshop schedule.

On Saturday June 7th, I was fighting with my finance’s sister and it turned into us scuffling on the ground. Next thing I knew my head was being held and I was being punched in the face by her daughter who is over the age of eighteen more than 5 times (I lost count). We were on my property and after all said and done my glasses were broke and the left side of my face automatically swelled up and bruised and my right side was also bruised , Cops where called and the cops said this was not a domestic call and they can’t arrest her cause I’m not married to my fiance. It’s now Monday and I’m still in a lot of pain. I really would like to know my options and why the cops really could not arrest her when I was the one with blood, bruising, and swelling?

Hello and thank you for sending us a message with your questions. I am sorry you went through this over the weekend. We cannot advise on the reasons why the police officer did not arrest her, however, it may be helpful for you to contact the law enforcement agency which was dispatched and ask them for a copy of the report and ask them clarification questions. WEAVE services victims of Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence), Sexual Assault, and Human Trafficking. Since the altercation was with a non-intimate partner it wouldn’t be considered Domestic Violence. That doesn’t mean you were not assaulted, injured, or a victim though. It might be helpful to contact the District Attorney’s Victim Witness program at 916-874-5701 for additional resources on this topic. 

Can I get out of a lease because of domestic violence and fear of the abuser coming after me?

Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Your question is very common and an important. There are laws that landlords must follow when it comes to tenants and Domestic Violence. You can contact the Human Rights and Fair Housing Commission at 916-444-6903 or the Landlord/Tenant Assistance Line at 916-444-0178 for specifics on the law and how to go about dealing with your lease. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 

 

 

I had to relocate from Nevada to California due to being assaulted. The local VOC was only able to help me had I stayed in the area. Would WEAVE be able to assist me in searching for immediate, full time employment in the area? I saw you have assistance for vets, which I appreciate and will look into further. My life has been completely turned upside down from this and I am desperately trying to find a way to get back on my feet and start a new life. Hello and thank you for contacting us for resources and support. Yes, WEAVE offers counseling services for veterans. There is also a fabulous resource called Sacramento Veterans Resource Center and their phone number is 916-393-8387. They assist with several services including employment, housing, and supportive services. 
I need to know what I can do for a friend. Last night she was calling me because her boyfriend had grabbed her by the throat and slammed her to the ground. She just had a baby with special needs a couple of months ago. He keeps taking the baby away from her and refusing to give her the baby. She eventually was able to sneak out of the house with the baby through a window and then he called the police. I don’t know what he said to them, but she was hiding and called me. She was very scared. I do not drive so I told her to call the police and get them to give her a ride to my house or to take her and the baby to a shelter. But they refused to do either. All they would do was let her get a few things from the house but she had no place to go so she had to stay there. I’m extremely worried because I kept getting text messages that he was still doing the same things. She tried to call the police but he pinned her down and threatened her. Then he bit her, which I have a picture of. He started apologizing and wrote her a letter stating that if anything happened again he would give her a full custody and do anger management classes. She forgave him. She just turned 18 and he’s in his 20’s. He is much much larger than her and a lot more powerful. She’s extremely scared and doesn’t know what to do since he is the father of the child. There is also an issue with the roommate who has threatened her. I don’t know what to do so can you please help us? I am sorry that your friend is in this situation and commend you for reaching out for support. WEAVE provides counseling and legal services which may be beneficial resources for your friend. WEAVE also has a confidential shelter for qualifying victims. You or your friend are welcome to call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional information regarding these services and/or other resources.
I’m 50 years old and although I’ve been diagnosed with depression long ago I’ve only recently been diagnosed with PTSD, major anxiety, bi polar disorder and fibromyalgia. I’ve had bulemia since I was 16 and still have trouble with it although not nearly as bad. 

I don’t really know if I’m a victim of domestic violence but I believe so. My parents would fight endlessly and my father often physically assaulted my mother. One time he knocked her out and I yelled over her body that he had killed her. 

My depression and anxiety have worsened as I’ve gotten older and I always wonder why I would experience uncontrollable feelings and reactions. As a child I would slam doors, cry and scream trying to gain attention, and wanted to die as early as 8 years old. I lived in a cold climate and would go outside with wet hair, no socks or shoes wearing a tee shirt and shorts in the winter hoping I would get sick and die. I used to stare at the sun walking home from school hoping I’d go blind. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve heard more about the effects of children who grew up with domestic violence. My siblings used to send me down to break my parents fights up since I was the youngest. It worked the first couple of times as I would cry but after that it never made a difference and he’d do it in front of me.

My question is could all this continual suffering which I now feel I’m losing control of myself and have hit my boyfriend and took a knife to my own throat to get him to leave (he hasn’t hit me but can be verbally abusive when I get reactionary) be the result of what I experienced between my parents growing up? I wasn’t hit or beaten or even sexually abused and I feel ashamed for how I’ve been my whole adult life. Continual issues with my mother almost till her death (she was emotionally abusive after finally divorcing my father), trouble with colleagues at work and even friends. I feel I’m too judgemental and have no patience at all. I never had kids, double edged sword, maybe I would have learned unconditional love and grown – or maybe I wouldn’t have any tolerance for them. 

I’ve written to Dr. Phil for help multiple times over the years, tried countless psychiatrists and therapists to no avail. Can your organization help or is it more for victims of physical abuse?
Thank you for contacting us for support. I am sorry that you experienced this as a child and commend you for taking steps to seek support. The healing process is different for everyone but what you are currently feeling is normal. It may be helpful to share and work with a counselor.  WEAVE provides counseling services and these services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 
two days to respond….what the heck! 8 phone calls and can not get through to anyone endless voice tree nonsense. Where is the help, I ask. People that are in abusive situations do not have time to write endless phone numbers down or keep calling back. Hello and thank you for contacting us regarding your concern. I am sorry you are not getting the response and resources you need. I would like to invite you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. Staff is available to answer questions, listen, and provide information and resources. You are also welcome to file a formal complaint at our 1900 K Street location. Thank you.

I don’t like talking about it or thinking about what happened to me. But sometimes I have so many mixed emotions I tell my self it never happened. I am ashamed that he is my child’s dad. He’s currently in jail but not for that what he did to me. It happened two separate times and he told me that he was sorry and that he would never do it again. I don’t believe him and I plan on running far away from him, which means leaving my close family members. There are other things as well that happened to me when I was younger that made me feel so uncomfortable. My stepdad would rub my back and his hands would go on the side of my boobs and my butt. He would also watch pornography movies in the same room as me. He thought I was asleep because I kept my eyes closed. I told my sister several years later and she said it was nothing. I try to keep all this inside but I’m thinking something could be wrong. I have been very forgetful of where I put things or go in a different part of the room and not remember what I was doing. I have no friends and I don’t have family I can trust. I’m having trouble sleeping most of the time and have presure in my chest. How do I make all of this go away?

Thank you for contacting us for support. I am sorry that you have gone through this (both the past and present incidents) and that it is affecting you. It is important to keep in mind that you are not alone and what you are feeling is normal. It may be helpful to seek out counseling and legal services for support and guidance. WEAVE offers free counseling and legal services for victims. Feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for details about these services and/or other resources at 916-920-2952. 
I need help on getting out of an abusive relationship. It has been really bad in the last year and I just don’t know what to do. He keeps telling me he is going to move out but he doesn’t and he keeps hitting me. We own a home together and I am in a lot of debt because of him. We also have a teenage son together who does not know this abuse is going on. I need help and do not know what my next step is, I want to get out but I am scared of what he will do if I leave and take his son. He has threatened my life, my sons life and my parents life if I leave. Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry that you are in this situation. It is important to know that you are not alone and this is not your fault. WEAVE is here for support, including counseling, legal, and other services. It may be helpful for you to attend a free traige session at our 1900 K Street office. Triage is offered between the hours of 10-1pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and from 4-7pm on Wednesdays. You are also encouraged to contact us on our 24hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources specific to your needs. 
In 2012, I came into a relationship with a woman that has been in a domestic violence relationship. Its been 2 years and she still e-mails, texts, and calls him. She even lied to me and met up with him twice. The last time she was with him for 7 hours. What’s the chances she was intimate with him? What’s the chances and odds she will leave me and return to him? Good afternoon and thank you for your questions. While we do not know whether your partner was intimate with her former abuser and/or will return to him, it is important for you to communicate your concerns in a healthy way to your partner. Communication is the key factor and hopefully you are feeling empowered to address this with her.  Being supportive for eachother during this time will also create a positive atmosphere for communication. WEAVE offers counseling services and this may be beneficial during this time as well. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 for information about WEAVE services or additional resources. 
How much is too much? When the physical abuse is very rare but the mental is much more worse. The constant belittling, saying he has to come first and forcing for anal sex (the crying doesnt stop it). Is it not really abuse when its just words? I am sorry you are in this situation and praise you for reaching out to us for support. Non-physical abuse is just as much Domestic Violence and any non-consenting sexual act is Sexual Assault. From what you are explaining, you are a victim of both of these. WEAVE offers an abundance of services including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. You can get information for these services by calling our 24 hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. Please feel free to call us anytime for a listening ear as well. 
I am 37 and live in Florida. My bf of 4 years mentally abuses me every day. From telling me I’m worthless and stupid to think for myself and it gets worse. For 3 1/2 yrs I’ve been dragged by my hair, slapped, choked, my nose busted to name a few. I am not allowed to have a job or money. We have a 2 year old daughter plus I have 2 sons that are 12 and 16. I can’t take it anymore. Tonight he told me since my cancer isn’t doing it I should just kill myself. He has me so depressed I cry myself to sleep almost every night. Help please I need advice. Thank you for reaching out for advice and support. You are not alone and you have made a huge step by asking for help. You and your children do not deserve to be abused. Reporting the abuse to law enforcement and filing for a temporary restraining order may give you some space and time to brainstorm a plan. Since you are in Florida, here are some resources in that state. Hope Family Services 914-755-6805, Family Life Center 386-437-3505, and The Haven of RCS 727-442-4128. You are also welcome to call our 24hour Support and Information Line toll free at 866-920-2952.
I have been married for almost 20 yrs. I have read a lot about emotional abuse and it seems that is what is happening to me. I live in fear of what is going to make him start on me. I want to leave but have no money, job, or anything else. I called the domestic violence hotline and they said basically unless you are being physically abused it is hard to get out. Can anyone please help me? I am sorry you are in this situation and admire you for reaching out for help. Domestic Violence includes emotional abuse and you are entitled to support regardless of whether the abuse is physical. WEAVE offers many services, including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. You are welcome to attend triage at our 1900 K Street location Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10am-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We also offer 24 hour telephone support. The phone number for this is 916-920-2952. This 24 hour Support and Information Line is also the number you would call for shelter.
I’m trying to leave a bad relationship and move out of the area but can’t find home to rent. I am on SSI due to multi trams ptsd so I have income but I have bad rental history before this relationship. Good rental history at current place but bf has talked to landlord and tainted her view. Please help  

I am sorry you are in this situation. You can contact the Sacramento Housing and Redevelopment Agency (SHRA) at 916-444-9210 (www.shra.org). SHRA assists with affordable low-income housing, rentals, HCV housing choice vouchers (Section 8) and loans. They are helpful in Domestic Violence situations and are familiar with laws that protect victims. You may also contact our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources for emergency shelters and/or housing. 

 

My husband is due out of jail for domestic abuse..He has a son from a previous relationship & he is planning on getting in contact with the childs mother for access. He has had previous convictions of violence. I have got myself away from the situation but dont think he can be trusted with the child..Can social services stop him seeing the child because of the abuse? Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. There are laws in place that extend to protecting children exposed to domestic violence. Social Services can intervene if the child is effected by the abuse and/or him seeing his father. Child Protective Services and/or Law Enforcement should be contacted to open an investigation and assess the safety of the child. You are welcome to contact us by calling our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.
Is there any assistance for housing help for someone that has been threatened by a spouse in the process of divorce, and threatening to sell everything and not help out financially? Thank you for contacting us for information and support. You can contact our Legal services through our Information & Support Line at 916-920-2952. They are a wonderful resource and would be able to give you specific information and/or referrals based on your needs. Another resource is the Victim Witness Assistance Program and their phone number is 916-874-5701. They can assist with housing, legal, counseling, and other social services.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant. My husband of 14 years has a short temper. Normally it only involves loud yelling/bellowing, but about a week ago we were having a disagreement and he completely lost it. It should have just been normal husband/wife stuff – Me telling him I felt hurt about something, and him explaining himself and hopefully acknowledging my feelings. But he has trouble with me disagreeing with him. This time he blew up at me, and when I decided to retreat up the stairs, he came up behind me near the top of the stairs, and grabbed my hot mug of tea out of my hand (spilling tea all over the place). I’m not sure whether he was thinking about throwing it at me, but I was scared. Our son was sleeping upstairs and I didn’t want him to wake up with his yelling, so I convinced my husband to go downstairs but when we got down there he just kept screaming at me and then picked up a chair over his head, threw it in one direction, and then picked it up again and threw it at me. I was able to move aside quickly enough for the chair to miss me. Somehow I managed to get downstairs to our first floor and locked the door behind me, but he kept yelling and pounding on the door. I was afraid he’d find a key and get in. I called my neighbors, who are good friends. When they came over, he totally calmed down and acted concerned about me. I was so hysterical I was afraid I might go into labor. Anyway, I’m a mess. I can’t stop thinking about the incident, I can’t look at my husband the same way, I feel depressed, scared, upset. I told a friend about the incident, but he wasn’t the most appropriate person and I feel like I’ve been bugging him and that he thinks I’m a lunatic. I need to get more help with this. I saw my therapist last week, but he wasn’t very helpful. There’s no way I’m leaving my husband. There is way too much good about our relationship, but I’m feeling really traumatized right now. I don’t know how to get past this. Maybe part of the problem is I’m really hormonal. But I need to calm down. I can’t think straight. I’m so distracted and overwhelmed and ashamed of being this way – I’m checked out from life. What can I do to help myself cope?

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a difficult situation and I commend you for reaching out for support. The feelings you are describing are normal and you are not alone in what you experiencing. Sometimes talking with a counselor that is knowledgeable about Domestic Violence can be helpful. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 or attend one of our free counseling triage sessions on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our downtown counseling center (1900 K Street).
My fiancee has severe anger issues and is willing to get help, but has no insurance. Is there any place in Carmichael where he can get help? It is comforting to hear that your fiance is willing to get the help he needs. There are anger management groups, counseling, and classes that he may benefit from. Changing Courses (916-332-5056) and Evergreen Counseling Center (916-487-0657) are two resources in your area. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for information on our services and/or additional resources.
My girlfriend beat me and I have filed a restraining order against her, including a temporary move out order. The problem is, the lease is in her name so she has gone to the office to tell them she is abandoning the apt. They are going to start an eviction. I need to find an apt for my son and I but will need deposit assistance. I only have one paycheck saved and a little over a week to find a new place. Are there local funds available for that sort of thing? Thank you for contacting us for support and information. WEAVE’s legal department is a great resource and they will be able to assist with understanding housing protections and laws. You can find out more about our legal services by calling our 24 hour Information and Support line at 916-920-2952. Another resource is the Victim Witness Program at the Sacramento District Attorney’s office if you are in Sacramento County at 916-874-5701. Sometimes they can assist with housing if qualified. Please feel free to contact us again if you need additional resources.  
I am fine and safe. My concern is for my new neighbor. Ever since they moved in I hear the boyfriend yelling and verbally abusing the girlfriend and her son. I live in a house with a fence 10 feet and two walls between our houses. That is how loud it is. If it were just a noisy event I would go over and politely ask them to be quiet after 10, but I do not want to deal with him either. I just heard yelling again, this time it was outside, when I looked to see what was going on I saw the boyfriend going down the street after her while yelling. That is all I could tell. He saw me watching when I looked out and he was returning to the house. I was not sure if this is something I should call 911 for or not? I am not being abused, but I am affected by someone’s abuse. Not sure what to do. I never seem to make eye contact with the girlfriend (I am a friendly neighbor by nature), so I don’t really have the opportunity to talk to her. I have not heard any obvious sign of physical abuse, just the screaming of mean condescending hurtful foul language – severe putdowns. Is this an unusual situation? Is there something I can/should do? this is very awkward and uncomfortable… Sometimes I feel like crying when I hear him yell at the sweet little 7 year old boy… I am sorry you are in this situation and thank you for seeking advise on how you can address it. Domestic violence includes non-physical acts, including putdowns, verbal and emotional abuse. Law enforcement is an option for both emergency situations (by calling 911) and non-emergency situations (sac PD 916-264-5471). An anonymous call can be made to Law enforcement and/or CPS. For additional information and resources feel free to contact our 24 hour Support and information Line at 916-920-2952.
How can I get help with getting out of a relationship that’s bad for me Please call our 24 hour Support and Information line for help with a safety plan and referrals. WEAVE may be able to provide safe shelter or provide with you other referrals. Our Support and Information Line may be reached by calling (916)920-2952.

My ex-husband beat me throughout our 14 yr marriage but mostly verbal. He had found out I was trying to leave so he stole our children by lying to the court saying I was an abuser.  It took me a year to get them back which during the year he abused our children and was up for child abuse charges but the DA dropped it saying there was not enough evidence. Then 2 months after we were divorced he beat me unconscious in my front yard. During the divorce I produced police reports where they would make him leave for beating me and produced pics of the abuse the children suffered but he is extremely well off. He got everything in the divorce.  I started noticing that the Judge is always going his way in Family Court that’s when I found out the his Lawyer actually helped put the Judge in office. When we got to court she did not give me a permanent restraining order- gave him back his visitation after he finishes his probation. My children are 19, 16, and 12 they do not want to see him.  They are very fearful of him. My ex also was shot in the head with a pistol when he was 11 yrs old and is very mentally unstable. I called the circuit judge he said there is a way for my kids not to have to visit him but that he legally could not tell me so my question is can you tell me how to legally get a restraining order and how to get out of the visitation legally? We have even moved 2 hrs away to be safe especially after him and his dad testified to stalking me every day. I am so very tired of being beaten! These past few months after we moved have been wonderful for me and my children but the visitation is going to start soon and I feel someone will not survive him either me or the children.

I am sorry that we are unable to provide legal answers or recommendations on this page. If you are a resident of Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you. If you live in Sacramento County and would like to know more about our legal services please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
Hello, my sister is living in or near Sacramento right now with her abusive boyfriend. They are transients, following the trail of his work, and last I heard they were living out of his car. The last time he called, though, he said he had “lost” her after she went to the hospital in an ambulance (she has bad kidney stones that need surgery). He wasn’t sure what hospital, etc, and now it’s been 3 days since we’ve heard from her. Despite their lifestyle choice, it is very unusual for her to go this long without contacting anybody in the family, especially her daughter, and especially after a trip to the hospital. I’ve called all the area hospitals and I don’t think she’s there (the ER’s don’t have any record of her). Her boyfriend has stopped answering his phone, too. He has a history of violence against women. We are worried that something has happened to her, but we don’t know what to do. We filed a missing persons report with the police but I don’t think anybody is doing anything about it, nobody seems to care. I live in Florida with my fiancé and so does the rest of our family. Despite all of her bad decisions, we still love her and are worried about her. I found this site doing a Google search, and thought I would give it a shot. Really any information at all will be helpful. I’m desperate. What can I do to find her? I am so sorry to hear that your sister is missing. It sounds like you have done everything that you can do right now. Because your sister is an adult the hospitals may not be able to tell you if she has been admitted. It may be helpful to continue to check in with law enforcement to let them know that you still have not had any word from your sister and your concerns that her boyfriend has been violent.

My daughter was recently assaulted by her now ex-boyfriend and this is not the first time and even while the baby is in my daughter’s arms. She called the Sheriff and was placed in jail until the parents bailed him out. She filed for permanent RO. He’s 5 day RO is up while my daughter awaits for the court regarding the RO and when he wThe abuser claimed his sister is FRIENDS with the DA.

ill be served. In the meantime, the ex-bf parents has taken home the baby from my daughter to see the father. While I am for parenting, in this case because of the abuser’s temper, a long with excessive drinking habit who did not care whether a 2 year old is present and witnessing the behavior and assault her father does to her mother worries me that my grand baby is now exposed to emotional abuse. In the State of California/Sacramento what are the chances of a woman victim getting full custody of a child to protect from an abuser when filing for RO. My daughter has now left the current place she shared with the ex-bf and has found a decent home for her and my grand baby. It is not her intention to take the baby away from her father but to protect herself and the baby until he gets help.

Unfortunately we are unable to provide legal advice over our message boards. Please contact our Support Line at (916)920-2952 and we can provide you information on how to connect to our legal services.

Can I ask for counseling for a domestic violence incident that happened over a year ago?
I was in a domestic partnership with the father of my children for 10 years. During the last two years of the relationship he became involved in some illegal activities and became more physical with me. I would find out about the things he was doing and confront him and ask him to stop and that would make him mad. I did things that I knew would probably make him mad like sometimes I would fight back and sometimes I would cry for him to stay home. But I knew what he was doing and I still stayed. He ended up going to jail on a domestic violence charge.
WEAVE does not require that the domestic violence be recent in order to receive counseling services. WEAVE provides individual and group counseling for survivors of domestic violence on a sliding scale fee. If you are interested in learning more about our counseling services and how to access services you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952
How do I get into shelter In order to access our confidential Safehouse you would need to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The Support Line Counselor will be able to assist you with a screening and if needed provide you with appropriate referrals. On average the screening may take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. It is necessary to call when you are safe to do so and the abusive partner is not at home during the time you call.
My wife and I have had some minor disagreements but were doing better I thought.Can you please offer some advice as to how I can move forward with my wife and continue our relationship? Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. From what you describe it may be helpful to reach out to your local community mental health office to see what resources they may have available to assist your family. For additional support you can also call your local domestic violence agency and if you do not know their number the National Domestic Violence Hotline will be able to refer you. Their number is
1-800-799-7233
Tengo 10 años con mi pareja no tengo amigas y siempre tengo que dejar la escuela me siento completamente sola no puedo ir a ningún lado sin el, controla mis llamadas, tengo miedo de dejarlo porque no tengo a nadie aquí que me ayude, trata a mi hija mayor de ignorante tengo miedo, no quiero perder a mis hijos ya que tengo gemelo tos de el; el es 16 años mayor que yo y siempre a vivido aquí en sacramento el es alcohólico, que puedo hacer. Gracias por tomando el tiempo de expresar su preocupación. WEAVE entiende su situación y usted no está sola. Nosotros ofrecemos programas que le puede ayudar basado en su situación. Ofrecemos consejería que se enfoca en ayudarle a hacer frente a la violencia doméstica. No sola mente le podemos ayudar a usted pero también podemos ofrecerle ayuda a su hija porque sabemos la repercusión que violencia doméstica tiene en los niños. También ofrecemos la línea de apoyo que esta ofrecida 24 horas al día donde puede obtener referencias, o si necesita apoyo durante su crisis. Además ofrecemos nuestro refugio de seguridad si decide escapar su situación y ofrecemos talleres legales que ayuda en la solicitud de divorcio, custodia de los hijos, y orden de restricción. Quiero enfatizar que no está sola y WEAVE puede ayudarle entender y educarla a romper este ciclo de abuso.
If you are being asked by CPS to go to WEAVE. What type of program do you need to do and how long is the program? WEAVE offers a 15 week group curriculum for individuals referred by CPS. The group is about 90 minutes in length and is held one time a week. To access the group you would need to attend a triage session. Triage is a free, walk-in session held at our 1900 K street office on Tue and Thur from 10am-1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm-7pm. We also have triage available in South Sacramento at 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. Triage is first come, first served and there are no children allowed. If you have any further questions regarding groups or triage please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
 How and where to file for restraining order longer than 5 days.
Where to seek affordable housing for my daughter and grand baby.
Recently, my 29 yo daughter confessed of discover her long time bf of cheating and fraudulently stole her social security to open multiple credit cards without her knowledge. She also confessed of his temper, verbal and physical abuse. But has gotten worst when my daughter finally decided to leave the relationship that he become worst and recently assaulted her in front of their 2yo. to a point were Police were called and picked him up and place in jail with 5 days restraining order. This evening the boyfriend’s parents bailed him out. How can my daughter file a temporary restraining order for longer than 5 days until she can figure out what she needs to do. I live an hour and half away from my daughter and am very worried.. i need help for my daughter and grand baby before he returns and make it worst for her and the baby
Thank you for contacting us with your questions. It may be helpful for her to contact the police department and ask for a Criminal protective order until she can apply for a restraining order with the Court.  Additionally, she can also call the DA’s office to find out if he is going to be charged. Victim Witness is also a helpful resource and they are with the DAs office. For additional information or support you can both call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.

 

My baby’s father threatens to kill me if I leave him, I don’t know what to do because I can’t afford child care or have any help with her also. I’m worried because he hits me and verbally abuse me everyday. What can I do? If it is safe, it may be good to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line when your partner is not home. If you call our Support Line at (916)920-2952 our counselors can go over a safety plan for you and your child. We can also discuss options for you including safe shelter. I am sorry that you are going through this and we would like to be able to help you. If calling is not an option please look over our website under the domestic violence section for safety plan information. Again, we are here to help you and have been able to help others who are concerned about income and child care
I think my husband is selling illegal drugs. I am afraid of him. We have had so many domestic disputes that if I say anything I will be hurt. Please help. I do not know what to do . He has hurt me numerous times physically that the cops were called. we have had restraining orders against each other. NOW THIS !!! I do not know what to do. I wanted a divorce for years but have been too threatened by him. I NEED HELP!!!! It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to see what legal services our legal department may be able to assist you with. The Support line will ask you some questions and refer you to our legal department for further assistance
Hi, I have 3 questions. Does WEAVE provide services for women who have been emotionally/verbally abused but not physically? Also, my husband’s never hit me but in the past few years there were times when he pressured me to have sex when I didn’t want to. I don’t know if that’s physical abuse.And, I keep hearing that “it takes 2 people to make marital problems” yet abuse is always 100% the fault of the abuser. Therapists in particular will often say, though, that there can’t be only one person at fault, it has to be both of us. Can someone comment on this? It’s very confusing! Thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. Yes, WEAVE provides counseling services and may also provide legal services depending on the situation. WEAVE does not require that there be physical abuse in order to receive help. Forcing you into sex would be considered sexual as well as physical abuse. It may be helpful to find a counselor who has experience working with domestic violence survivors and is trained in domestic violence counseling. At WEAVE our counselors understand that the responsibility for abuse rests with the abuser not the victim/survivor. If you would like more information regarding our services or would like to speak with a support line counselor our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be accessed by calling (916)920-2952. Thank you again for reaching out
My husband has been emotionally and physically abusive in the past. He says he wants a clean start and denies any type of abuse and has blamed me for any of his actions from the past. My question is he created a budget which I had already done, but it wasn’t to his satisfaction so he recreated one without any of my input. He told me that I am now only allowed $25 a week for gas and 13.2 miles a day. He said we have no choice in that. However, we have 4 children that I have to take to and from school, I go to school full time, we have doctor appointments, extra-curricular activities, and grocery shopping to do. 8 of those miles are already eaten up by me taking him to work and picking him up. He told me that he will be checking the mileage every day and if I cant follow the new rules then I need to leave. If money is tight, is this a reasonable request of him. We have a SUV that costs around $70 to fill up once a week. I do not do anything “fun” just the things that are needed to get done. It sounds like a very difficult situation and from what you describe it sounds like a controlling situation that would fall under both financial and emotional abuse. If you are feeling like it is not right it probably isnt. It also sounds like you tried to express your concerns to your husband. If you would like to get more information regarding domestic violence or just need someone to talk to you may call our 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952.
My best girlfriend is experiencing what I believe to be domestic violence. Her husband pushes her and puts his fist in her face as well as verbally abuses her non stop. He refuses to leave the apartment and she thinks that because his name is on the lease that she can’t get him out.
We live in NYC. Can she get a protective or restraining order against him?
Can you direct me to some legal services in our area please.
Thank you for taking the time to reach out for your friend. What you describe is domestic violence. Please contact the NY hotline for domestic violence for area referrals. Their number is 1-800-621-HOPE (4673). It is good that she feels safe telling you what is going on. 
hello, i am a criminal justice student at Sacramento City College and I am doing a research project on domestic violence and battered women’s syndrome. I need to reach out to an organization that helps women who are going through domestic violence and interview someone in charge to get a better understanding of what your organization does for these women. I was wondering how i can possibly set up an interview with someone, possibly a phone interview or even sit in at a meeting. Thank you for reaching out to us. We would be happy to help you with your project. The best way to connect with someone who can assist you would be to call our business office at (916) 448-2321 and ask to speak with someone in the Prevention and Education Department. They should be able to answer your questions. Good luck on your project 
My daughter is assaulting and bullying me and has stolen my 900 iPad and thousands of dollars since September . She just got out of jail. I’m handicapped. I don’t know what to do. My daughter has 6 kids her husband died while she was in jail she steals everything from me she’s 32 yrs old and has stolen approximately 15,000 since September I’m devastated. I’m handicapped she just shoved me 3 times blew my back out and stole my Toshiba iPad. . Please what should I do .I’m 54 she twice my size. Please any advice. I am so sorry that you are going through this, From what you have shared it would be best to contact our Support and Information Line so that they may complete a referral to our Legal Department. After the Legal Department receives your referral they will be able to connect with you to discuss available options. It may also be helpful to connect with victims compensation by calling Victim Witness at 916.874.5701. Victim Witness is located at 901 G Street, If you qualify for their services they may be able to assist you with the financial loss. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached anytime by calling (916) 849-1679
I am looking for resources for pets? I am hoping to escape my situation and I already have a place to go. Unfortunately I have 2 cats that cannot go with me and leaving them behind would not be safe for them. Are there any foster type organizations that could keep them until I am in my feet and in my own place? Thank you for any help you can offer. Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand that it can be difficult to leave an abusive home when you are worried about the welfare of your animals. Over the years WEAVE has worked with local shelters to advocate for animals to find safe shelter. It may be helpful to contact the SPCA at (916) 383-7387, the City Shelter at (916) 808-7387 or Red Rover at (916) 429-2457. Some shelters require that you be working with an agency but they should be able to provide you with additional resources if they are not able to offer your cats shelter. You may also call our Support Line at (916) 920-2952 should you need additional resources. 
My ex boyfriend would not leave me alone, he kept threatening me telling me to die over and over and calling my sister flipping out on her as well. I called the sheriff’s department and made a report they came to house and assured me that they told him if he ever contacted me a again he would be charged with menacing and stalking, well two weeks later he contacts me again and has never stopped calling my sister, so I contacted the sheriffs department last night and told them and made another report. I don’t think they did anything to him. The first time the police said they would go to his house and talk to him, and they didn’t they called him and just warned him. I’m afraid the police aren’t taking this seriously, and I am handicapped stuck out in the country with no phone or car. What do I do? My ex is really scaring me. Thank you for contacting us. It is good that you are contacting law enforcement even though he has not been arrested. It can be helpful to keep track of the calls that you and your sister are receiving from him. If possible it may be helpful to go to the court house to see if you and your sister can file for a restraining order. If your sister or someone else is able to transport you to the court they have classes to help apply for  a restraining order. If you would like to receive more information about the free classes at the court house or to create a personal safety plan please call our 24 hour support and information line. The Support line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952. 
Does WEAVE work with the district attorney in domestic violence cases? WEAVE is a non-profit, community-based organization that works with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.  We partner with other organizations including the DA’s office in various capacities, in our efforts to combat domestic violence.  If you have a specific question regarding our services, please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
My son went to see his brother and my ex-wife’s boyfriend beat him up in the front yard he had just turned 18 and my son called the police to press charges and my son got arrested they lied and said my son started it but my son didn’t even hit the man but my son got punched in the face and ribs??? He was charged Disorderly conduct-fighting Assault – Intent /Reckless/injure both say M1 in the CL column what am I to expect my son has never been in trouble before
– 
Thank you for your post. You may need legal assistance to determine next steps.  The Sacramento County Bar Association offers a 30 minute lawyer consultation for $50. You can learn more about their services at their website http://www.sacbar.org
When I was 18, I was staying at my boyfriend’s. I was going to community college, my car had broken down, and their house was closest to the school. My boyfriend’s dad attempted to rape me. He was using force and threats. I was crying, told him not to rape me, and that I loved his son. He stopped, told me he loved me like his daughter, and not to tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone. About two weeks later he had me alone again and tried again with more force and threats…it only stopped because his other son came home early…didn’t see anything, didn’t see me, the dad told him we were planning my boyfriend’s birthday. That was 11 years ago. He is now my father in law…I married that boyfriend, his son, when I was 21. We have a 7 year old daughter. I worry about my daughter’s safety and mine still…from her grandfather and father (my husband)…is it too late or inadvisable to try to press charges? Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like a really scary situation. There are a couple of things that you can do. The first, you may call our Support Line at (916) 920-2952 and they can fill out a legal referral form and connect you with the Legal Department who can review your legal options with you. Second, the Support Line can also give you information regarding free sexual assault counseling at our Counseling Center. I am so sorry that you have had to live with this fear for the past 11 years. We are here to help you. 
Hi
I am a recently married & i am concerned that my wife is behaving erratically. During the last week, she has held my neck, & yesterday she slapped me many times. I was afraid of calling 911 because i was unable to think clearly at that time. She has also said that if i do not make her pregnant i am not allowed to visit places of recreation, service or spirituality. I am just scared to make the next move. What should i do ?
I am sorry that you are going through this. It does sound like the situation is escalating. Our website has some helpful information on safety planning that you might find will help you. We also have trained counselors on our 24 hour Support Line that can help you safety plan as well as look at safe housing options , including our Safehouse, if that is something that you are interested in. If she does become violent again and you are fearful of your safety it can be helpful to have a safety plan in place including calling 911. It is understandable that you were not able to call before as I am sure it was very scary and overwhelming. Our Support Line can be reached at (916) 920-2952. Anytime you call or look at our website it is best to do it when she is not around. 
I have been with the father of my kids for 10 years and every time I try to leave him he will break my phone, slash my tires, destroy all of my clothing, etc. I have put a restraining order on him, yet his friends still manage to come and re-slash my tires. I don’t have “proof” that it is him, thus nothing is being done by the police. Is there any way that I can make him stop and leave me and my kids alone? Thank you for contacting us regarding your situation. Even though the police have not been doing anything as you say, having a paper trail can be helpful. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support Line to see if there is anything our Legal Department may be able to assist you with. If you call the Support Line we may be able to provide you with some additional referrals and a safety plan. There is also something called the Safe At Home program that may be an option for you. 
My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive, he has made sure everything “we” own is in his name, and the only credit card in my name is maxed. He is a criminal justice major and knows the law inside and out, has a great job, is genius level smart and is manipulative. He has driven away all family and friends I have had, and cut all communication save my net, and that goes soon as well. He has threatened in a round about way, by telling me a “fantasy” he had, about kidnapping someone, raping and torturing them over a long period of time in a dungeon and then murdering them. And that he could get away with it. We have two kids… Four and Six. I cannot leave them behind, yet I have no education save high school, no support system, no friends or family to turn to, and I am terrified. Can I find help here, or because I have no proof should I just continue to hide my terror and protect them as best I can? I cannot do partial custody… I will NOT leave them with him. I do NOT trust him with them for if I go, they will pay the price… I am lost and alone. I have no proof. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and that you are feeling so alone. It sounds like a scary situation. The tactics that he is using sound very familiar regarding the financial abuse, threats, and isolation. On our website we have information regarding safety planning that could be helpful for you and your children. We do have a Safehouse that may be an option for you where we provide free safe shelter and help getting you back on your feet with case management and employment assistance. If you would like to speak with someone and get a better idea of what options may be available to you you may call our 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952 at a time when your husband is not home. We provide safe shelter and assistance to people who do not have physical proof of threats
I’ve been with the father of my kids for 14 years. We have a 13 year old, a 12 year old and an 11 year old child together, and at first everything was great. Over time, he’s become controlling, doesn’t allow me to work for fear that I’ll “sleep with anyone I talk to”. It’s been so bad he’s accused me of sleeping with my girlfriends, even my own brother. It was never physical violence, just verbal abuse until yesterday. He came home after drinking with his brothers and began arguing, which escalated to the point of him burning my lip with a cigarette and throttling me against the wall with our kids in the next room. He stopped and I called his brother to help and then my boyfriend told me to get out. I went and spent the night with his sister and the next day he came over and said we need to talk. I told him I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore, and that I don’t feel safe. He said I could go if I want but I can’t take my kids and if I do, he’ll leave and I’ll never see them again. I am not married to him, but everything we have right now is in his name and I don’t have anything but a computer and some clothes and little stuff like personal belongings. I don’t know what to do, what I should do, or what options are available to me? Right now I stayed home because I don’t want to lose my kids and I think he would do something like that. I am sorry that you are going through this. It must have been very scary. If you would like to know more information regarding a temporary restraining order, our legal program, safety planning, and safe shelter it may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. We have counselors available to answer your calls day and night. The number is (916) 920-2952. It would be important to call us when he is not home. We also have helpful information on our website regarding safety planning. 
My oldest son was raised in a home where his father abused me, until I left him when the kids were younger and then he lived with that father as a teen. I always worried about his temper. He now has a young family, a 2 month old son. I have seen his treatment of animals and have been concerned of the day he had children. He is very controlling. I had hoped the baby would change things. In every other act, he is a great kid, no drugs, steady job since he was 18 and has been promoted. He works in a white collar environment. My daughter told me that on Christmas, he had been playing happily with her two young children, six months and four years when suddenly without warning he snapped and threw/tossed the 4 yr old. When confronted he got out of control, said the baby had been kicking him all night and the four yr old had just spilled water on him from a zippy cup. The incident escalated further as they tried to get him to leave. He threatened to kill my son in law In a very violent manner. He yelled at his wife who was crying and tossed his baby with car seat into the backseat carelessly. While I have seen his temper, I have never seen him snap like this out of the blue without noticing his agitation first. Usually their are cues and he can be redirected. I wasn’t there so I only know my daughters story. How do I discuss this with him. I’m very concerned for the safety of his family and now I’m not able to have him over when the other children are at my home. It sounds like a very scary situation for your daughter in-law and grandchildren not to mention a very difficult position for you to be in. It may not be helpful to discuss the situation with him if there is potential for him to further escalate and become angry with you or his wife for telling you. Calling CPS or law enforcement may be helpful because they can do an investigation and take the responsibility to act away from you. You may also call our 24 hour Support Line and we can make a CPS report for you. Your daughter in law is also welcome to give us a call when he is not home and we can discuss a safety plan with her and other options. Our support line is answered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952
I need to leave my husband. I have no one no money how can I get help? The physical abuse isn’t daily like the verbal, can I get help? There are area resources including WEAVE that may be able to assist you with safe shelter. While WEAVE does not provide financial assistance we, like other domestic violence agencies, operate a safehouse shelter. If you are interested in the Safehouse or other referrals please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The number is (916) 920-2952
  I have a friend that is recently married and her husband seems to be turning into an abuser. She keeps saying she deserves what he’s doing to her and I was wondering if there was a way for me to get brochures or any information that a friend can have to present her with. We are concerned for her safety and want anything that can help us show her how he could possibly escalate and how she doesn’t deserve what she is getting. Thank you! Thank you for reaching out to us and wanting to find ways to support your friend. It may be helpful to have her come over to your place or another safe location and look over our website together. We have  a lot of helpful information online that can provide her with support on identifying the cycle of violence, forms of domestic violence, safety planning and area resources. She is also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. You are also welcome to call  the Support Line to get information and speak with someone about your concerns for your friend. 
I have been dating this guy for about a month. He calls and text me several times a day. He has had dv in a previous relationship. I just wonder can people change? He is willing to go to go to couple counseling It may be helpful to review the domestic violence page on our website as we have several helpful tools listed including red flags. If there is current domestic violence occurring in your relationship then couples counseling is not recommended. Clients who would like to receive couples counseling at our locations are assessed to determine if individual or couples counseling would be best. If you would like more information you are welcome to call our Support Line at (916)920-2952
I have a five-year-old son and a small dog. Are there any groups or organizations that could financially help us escape? I have nothing to my name. Not even a vehicle. We just don’t have the money to leave. Any information is appreciated. Thank you. Unfortunately I am not aware of any organization that provides financial assistance for relocating other than Victims of Crime Compensation. Victims of Crime Compensation (or Victim Witness) is an application process that requires a police report be filed. If this is something that you would like more information about they are located in each county through the District Attorneys office. If you would like to receive information regarding safe shelter you can call our Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. The Support Line can also give you some referrals that would be specific to your situation and the area you are wanting to relocate to.
I am in a domestic violence relationship I have 6 kids 3 by this person and I’m fed up with all of this. We got into an argument and his mom got into it and the next day his sister came over and put her  hands on me and the cops said they could not do anything about it.  I want to leave but I have nowhere to go , I really want to get out of here and  I need help It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. Many domestic violence organizations have safe shelter as part of their program. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for referrals and to review options that may be available to you and your children.  Our Support Line may be contacted at (916)920-2952 
if a woman was brought in from the hospital due to domestic violence and the case was dropped would they allow you to leave at your own free will and would the other half be able to contact her knowing
that the case was dropped
Survivors entering the Safehouse are allowed to leave the program at any time that they would like and are not required to stay any specific length of time. WEAVE is not allowed to inform anyone, including the partner, that they are at the Safehouse without written permission from the client. For confidentiality and safety, WEAVE does not release information to callers regarding any clients who may or may not be clients of WEAVE. 
Can I be directed to any support groups in the area

WEAVE offers a 15 week educational group on domestic violence.
The group may be accessed by attending a triage appointment at either our downtown or South Sacramento location. To find out more information regarding the triage times and other support groups offered in the Sacramento area please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952

My ex-boyfriend was incredibly abusive to me over the course of nearly three years. He was very psychologically and emotionally abusive towards me (and still is), and was also incredibly physically abusive. He tried to kill me a number of times, including trying to throw me into oncoming traffic, strangling me, trying to run me over with his truck 3 separate times, and beating me in the head as hard as he could – which resulted in brain damage and seizures. Because of the brain injury I suffered by his hand, I became unable to work. The abuse did not stop, and I eventually left right before his court date to save my life and save him from going to jail under the condition that he seek counseling and get help for his ways. He said that he would pay my rent and pay for the doctors that I need because of his abuse, but he didn’t. I became homeless because I still cannot work. I almost died from starvation, and so I reached out to him for money so that I could stay alive. He still messes with my head and lies to me (he swears that he doesn’t, but when he gets really mad, he admits to lying and says that I “make him do it”). He says that it is my fault that he calls me names and yells at me, even though I do not yell at him or call him names. He says I “disrespect” him because I do not always believe his lies (there is a lot of proof that he is dishonest, including his admissions of lying), so I deserve to be treated the way I make him treat me. I suffer from severe depression and suicidal thoughts (I have attempted suicide numerous times), and whenever I reach out to him when I am feeling suicidal, he calls me names and says no one will care if I do it and I “won’t get any f***ing pity” from him. He demands that I apologize for questioning him before he will give me any more money, and I do not want to go hungry and be without medical care, so I do as he says.
Today he demanded that I apologize and never question him again, so I lowered myself to the absolute bottom and apologized for making him abuse me and lie to me so that he would help me financially like he said he would. Then, he said that unless I come back to him and go to counseling with him, I will not get any more money from him. He says that even after he told a counselor that he repeatedly tried to murder me, the counselor told him that therapy would be “useless” unless I was there, too. He says that because I fought back a few times out of hundreds and that I threw a hairbrush at him once when he was cussing me out and calling me terrible names, that I am just as guilty and violent as he is and that he is not an abuser because I am the problem, and the cause of his abusive actions.
I tried showing him text from other sites about what a bad idea it would be for us to go to counseling together, and I have told him over and over and over that I am very afraid to be in the same room with him. I have also told him that I cannot leave here because it is the only place I can get the medical attention I need.
I do not know what help I am asking for, as I actually stumbled across this site on accident, but anything you could say or do to help me would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

I am so glad that you found our website as it sounds like you are having a really difficult time. From what you describe it does not sound like it would be safe for you to attend couples counseling. Most therapists do an assessment to determine if there is a history of domestic violence or current domestic violence happening in the home. If the therapist determines that it would not be safe to do couples work, ethically they should refer you to individual therapy. It sounds like there is some real fear regarding finances and medical bills. If it is safe to call us, it may be helpful to speak with one of our Support Line counselors to see what options may be available to you. You may also call us if you would just like to talk as it can be helpful to have a listening ear on the other end of the phone. You are not to blame for his abuse and although it must have been very hard for you to have to apologize to him for him abusing you the reality is that you did what you had to do to survive. Please know that we are here to help and listen should you want to call us. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is (916) 920-2952.
My common law husband lives here with myself my brother my brother/inlaw and his father he steals from us breaks our thing don’t put in on bills or rent or food. He does a few little yards maybe two a month but as soon as he gets his money he is gone till it’s gone not long all day or all day and night with his friends. He pushes me around curses us all like dogs takes whatever he wants I went to jail for three months cause I grabbed a kitchen knife and sticking it in his leg to get him off me. He had his knee in my throat and I could not breath so I got an assault charge and almost a 25 year sentence in prison and I’m scared I may end up back in jail cause he wont leave. I don’t have money for eviction. Police threaten to take me to jail with him when they come here but I’m not going to let him take my things or break them or hurt me I will protect myself the best way I can. I can’t leave cause I’m my brothers caretaker he is disabled. We take care of each other here all but him. We take care of him but he takes care of his friends and takes out food water hose whatever it all goes to his friends or ex-girlfriends and we are all tired of him and want him gone but don’t have the money what can I do Help. And while I was in jail he put my dog down sold my car, my mom’s jewelry, my Dad’s things also and they are deceased. Things that can’t be replaced but he won’t get help so we want him out what do we do we are all stressed out to the max everyday he starts trouble everyday sad huh but what can we do how can I get him out with no money This sounds like a very sad and stressful situation. Unfortunately we are not experts in tenant rights or home owner rights. If you rent your home I recommend calling your landlord for assistance and if you own your home I would talk to a legal representative and or lawyer to find out what your rights are in evicting someone. I am unsure if there is a cost to it. WEAVE does offer counseling, support, and legal workshops for issues regarding custody, restraining order hearings, and divorce/legal separations. If you are interesting in gaining more information on our services please call out 24/7 Support and information line at 916-920-2952.
I’ve been in a very complicated relationship with my kids father. I have two children. My children and I left him for 7 months and we finally talked; thought he was a “change” man and was willing to work things out with him. Unfortunately; when we were seperated I was doing great. I have full time job; I had a place I rent; I have a car. For that 7 month period he was on drugs; stole from his family; he was a wreck! And of course stupud me, we are together again; and now he’s very strict. He will not let me go anywhere unless he’s there. Going to my moms house a block down he wouldnt even let. He finally got a job now and helping me financially.. he threaten me that if I leave him again he’ll kill my family and hurt my friends. I do not feel safe or happy with this man anymore. I’m scared; for myself and my kids. I have everything I need; I just need to get away from him. I don’t want my family getting involve since he’s already threatened my family and friends. I need a place to stay and hide out. If I chose to move out and stay at a home shelter with my kids; I’m afraid I’ll have to give up my job; my car; my belongings. What do I do? I need help. It sounds like you are in a very scary situation. I don’t think it was stupid of you to believe that change was possible. It is very common that while in an abusive relationship the aggressor can be very persuasive when trying to get the other person back under their control. It is very natural to want to believe someone you love is ready and willing to change. There are domestic violence shelters that you can call to try and get into. WEAVE has a 24/7 support line you can call at 916-920-2952 that can give you some numbers to safehouses and or shelters that can help. They can also give you information on counseling resources as well as legal resources if needed. They can also help you safety plan. I would also recommend documenting dates and times and incidences when he has threatened you or your family and or hurt you. This can be important when filling for a restraining order if that is something you choose to do.
why does your company scam people saying you help victims when you dont? my mother was a victim of spousal assault, she was supported by her ex financially and when she called for help from you guys, you basically just referred her elsewhere? I think your company is horrible, you say you are here to help victims of violence and yet all you do is point to someone else when someone really needs help. You guys disgust me, you put up a caring front when you really don’t care about anything but taking money for donations towards services you say you offer but don’t I apologize that that has been your experience of our services. If you do have a complaint it can be helpful to call our office at 916-448-2321 and ask to talk with a Supervisor. If you would like details of the services we do offer you can call our Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 This line also gives resources and referrals if the need is outside of the scope of what WEAVE offers. Again I am sorry for your disappointment and feeling about our services I hope your Mother finds the services she needs.
I have been with my wife for over five years. We have been through a lot together. Over the last few years, I have felt a distance growing between us. I was hurt and I took it out on her. I said mean hurtful things. This drove her to the arms of another woman. She did not sleep with her, or intend to; however there was an emotional bond building and it was driving me crazy. I wanted proof that this was happening, or that it wasn’t. I needed to be able to set my mind at ease. When I found the proof, I was obviously very upset. I went into the bedroom and I tossed her Ipad onto the bed at her and it hit her leg. I kept asking her to show it to me, and she wouldn’t. I opened it up and asked her about it. (I was very escalated) At this point, I slapped her upside the back of the head. I have never done anything like this before in my life, and I do not want to be this person. I have been researching ways to improve my behavior and become the woman that she fell in love with. I have sworn not only to myself, but to her that I would never touch her again, but that doesn’t mend the trust that I have broken. My question is, is there anything I can do to try to make this better for her? I know it will never go away, and it will not go away over night. I know I need to fix my behavior and to pay attention to her. I know that I need to give her time and space to process everything. I bought her flowers the other day, and a new pair of shoes that she has been wanting and her favorite candy. I have been talking with her openly about everything. I have been trying to give her space, but also be there for her so that she knows that I do care. I have been watching how I speak very very carefully. I offered to go to counseling and participate in a DV class, but she doesn’t seem to want that. This just doesn’t feel like enough. I know that I am a disgusting person, so please do not pass judgment on me. It sounds like you are invested in staying in the relationship but it is important to recognize that your partner may not have the same level of interest, or intent, as you do.  You may consider seeking services for yourself and proceed from that point.  You may contact our Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 for referrals where you can obtain counseling services that will help support you in making choices about your relationship in the future.  It is also important for to refrain from referring to yourself in a negative way so you can begin to focus on a more positive future in, or out, of a relationship
Seven months ago I was arrested for domestic violence, the charge was corporal punishment on spose. The case never went to court, because I was able to prove and provide evidence that I was the victim, not the abuser. Although I have never been convicted of any crime, I am having difficulty getting finger print clearance through Livescan. This is preventing me from getting employment. The DA through the case out, because the Placer County Sheriff’s Department would have embarrassed itself over falsely arresting a victim not the abuser. Even so, this false arrest has cost a lot of money out of pocket, and it is still not over. What can I do.? Because this situation involves a legal matter, and in order for you to get accurate information, it is recommended that you contact an attorney for advice as to the best way to handle this matter. 
Are their relocation assistance for people…I am out of the abusive relationship but only the physical part.. WEAVE does not have the resources to offer relocation services.   Another option is to call the California Victim’s Compensation Program at 1-800-777-9229 for information regarding relocation services in California or they may direct you to a similar program in your area.  You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to talk to an advocate that can provide support and help in formulating a safety plan if needed.
he was drunk. I just wanted to get away from him. long story short. i say to him if he didnt get out my car. i would put those boys in his life. I told him ive been all th bs and hs, i was going to be. i went around to his side and opend the door thats when he gets out like a boxer and trys to hit me. i go around to the drivers side gets almost in, when he begin to slammed my leg in the door several times. and punches me upside my head. He could get 2-25. he wants me to drop charges. I say I will. But, I dont think he should get away with this. he is on record of doing this in another relationship. Thats why hes looking at so much ti In deciding whether or not to drop charges, you may want to ask yourself:  what is the likelihood he will make positive changes in his life that will eliminate the abuse from your relationship?  He may make promises but how much do his actions match his behaviors?  It appears he has a history of abusive behaviors in other relationships.  His actions were quite violent so it is very important for you to have a safety plan in place if you decide not to press charges and he is not incarcerated.   You may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak to an advocate that can help you formulate a plan and access other resources that will provide support and help keep you safe.
Caught my wife shooting Dilaudid into her arm this morning. Wanted to tear it out because my 2 boys were in the house. I’ve never hurt her but we have had arguments over money disappearing. Now I know why and where its gone. She’s done this before and She told me she quit. We lost 4 houses 3 cars to her wrecking them, 4 boats and a business making me over $500k a year Bankruptcy and foreclosures. I’m now just getting things straight with finances but money was missing again.I felt like killing her this morning and she knew it. Cops wouldn’t do anything when I found needles before so I din’t call them. There are NO rehabs around that take medicaid and I can’t afford to divorce her because she threatens to take the boys. DCF won’t do anything and If I call them, they will be taken away from both of us because she lies to them,
I’;m at a dead end
It appears that your wife’s drug problem has caused extensive damage to your family, not just financially but emotionally as well.  She may continue to use drugs so it will be up to you to keep your children safe.  You state your reports to DCF are not effective even though you feel your children are in an unsafe environment so it is important to make every effort to provide them with as much support as possible.  If you haven’t done so already, you may also contact a local NARC ANON meeting to get support for yourself and get more information on how to best support your children. 
I was in a verbally/physically abusive marriage for 8 years. In Dec 2010 I decided to leave him and take my kids with me. After 2 years, our divorce was finalized in November 2012. He still continues to harass me in text messages and emails. He calls me fat, sloppy, psycho, etc. He wont let me talk to my kids on the week that he has them, violating our court order. My kids have gone to therapy and have expressed they fear him because they have witnessed him beat their dog, he has covered my daughters mouth so she cant breathe more than once, and he encourages them to use bad words and play online games that glorifies shooting cops. Today he continued his harassment and bullying in texts to me and its really breaking me down. I am saddended that the court continues to disregard the safety of my children even after he has been mentally hospitalized 3 times, exposed himself to a child back in 2009, etc. I feel he wont stop. Please help me. It sounds like your ex has no regard for authority but it is important for you to document all the incidents where he is in direct violation of the court orders.  I know it is frustrating but you may need to be persistent in documenting and reporting the violations.  He may say hurtful things to you but remember it doesn’t mean they are true.  Also, another source of documentation is to report the abuse to your local Child Protective Services agency.   Our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 is available for support and information about our counseling services.
Me and my kids are being abused by my partner. I am scared to leave them home with her and scared to be home myself. I can’t afford the home we are in by myself and my kids are doing the best they ever have in the schools i have them in. I need help I dont know what to to do, where to go, we cry every day and I keep telling them its going to get better and be ok. but its not its getting worse and worse everyday. I truly am despreat for help please can anyone help me. we live in elk grove my kids are 12 and 14. please help us. As in all domestic violence situations, safety must be a priority.  You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 where you will be able to talk to an advocate to help you formulate a safety plan for you and your children.  An advocate will be able to discuss what options are available to you and how to best implement them to meet your needs.  It sounds like you are being very supportive to your children but it is also important for you to get emotional support for yourself as well.  You may also contact your children’s school counselor’s to discuss what services are available to them at school.
I have a very abusive adult son (23) who has threatened to ruin my life, and I am a disabled single mother. He is a good college student but a very angry monster at home. What can I do to get help or counsel? Although you are definitely experiencing abuse from your son, it is not considered intimate partner violence.  Many of the same dynamics are likely similar to an abusive situation, i.e., he is primarily focused on maintaining power and control in the relationship through such means as emotional and financial abuse or even physical abuse.   Because you state you are a disabled adult, it would be beneficial for you to contact your local Adult Protective Services to report the abuse.  They will also be able to provide information about services in your area that will help you deal with the abuse and you may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to talk to an advocate
Im not quit sure where to even start. ive been in a relationship with a verbally abusive man for the last 8 years. on September 5th we finally decided to break up. im having an extremely hard time dealing with the situation. I feel like ive lost every piece of me, I cant sleep, eating is a rare occasion, its almost impossible to go to work without just breaking down into tears. I cant seem to find any peace. all of my friends and family are trying to help but everything there telling me to do isn’t working. ive thought about trying to see a therapist, its a little expensive and out of reach and then I found this website. what do I do? I love this man with everything that I am and I no its time for me to let go I just cant seem to wrap my fingers around it. being without him, being alone. I need help. I am sorry for all that you must being going through. Relationships are often very complex and even though their was abuse in the relationship doesn’t mean there wasn’t also love.  Ending relationships especially long relationships can be very painful and difficult. Also sometimes verbal abuse can cause us to have low self-esteem making it hard to be without the abuser and or alone. I encourage you to be patient and caring to yourself, to find safe places to talk about what you’re going through whether it’s family, friends or counseling.  Grieving and healing from the verbal abuse as well as the end of that relationship can take time.  You can call WEAVE’s 24/7 Support and Information line if you are needing support and or resources. The number is 916-920-2952.
I am pregnant and being verbally abuse every day since we found out I was with a child, he kick me out of the house each time he gets mad and call me names. talk bad about me with he’s friends, make fun about my culture and treat me with the a soonest my baby born he will fight for full custody, so my question is if I leave can I refuse to see him and have full custody of my baby in a peaceful environment without the father?! I just want to have a healthy and joyful pregnancy.. thank you I am so sorry for what you must be going through it sounds very scary. WEAVE offers a Child Custody Information Workshop on October 2, 2013 at 5:30 p.m. at 1900 Kst Sacramento CA 95811. If you plan on attending please arrive 15 minutes early to register for the workshop.  The workshop will cover questions about child custody, visitation, jurisdiction, and what type of family law case can be opened based on the relationship of the parties.  You can also call WEAVE’s support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for support and resources as well as information on all of our on-going legal workshops.
My daughters ex keeps turning up at her house & when they argue he beats her up, trouble is she wont press charges, im worried about the safety of my daughter & 2yr old grandaughter, as a father & grandfather would  be able to press charges I am so sorry that sounds like an awful situation for your daughter/granddaughter as well as yourself. You can call your local Child Protective Services if you are concerned about the well being of your granddaughter. From there they can investigate the situation and hopefully give your daughter some resources that can help. It can also be helpful to call your local non-emergency police department number to find out what your options are as far as reporting the abuse. You can also give her WEAVE’s Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 for support and resources. She can also get information for our counseling services by calling that number.  I also suggest finding a support system for yourself it sounds like a very stressful and scary situation and I hope you don’t forget about taking care of yourself too.
 I and my boyfriend got in an argument that escalated into him yelling, leaving the room and punching a hole in the closet door. It is the first time this has ever happened in the two years that we have dated and after it happened we sat down peacefully and talked and were working it out. We love each other and would never hurt each other and want to stay together forever. I pushed emotionally and he lost it and walked away to take his frustration out. Our neighbors called the police who came in and said that he had to make a court appearance but won’t be arrested, but that the court will make it so that we cannot be together, which I would never want. How can i fight this and stay with him? I love him WEAVE cannot provide legal advice over the message board. I am not sure what the police were referring to in regards to whether or not you and your boyfriend can be together. It may be helpful to speak with a  counselor regarding how you are feeling about having to go to court. You may reach the Support Line at (916)920-2952. 
Hello I need help!!! I have a 2yr old daughter with an illegal woman and she assaulted me back in March she actually admitted to the police officer what she had done and she was about to get arrested and her other 2 kids were going to go to CPS and since she’s illegal she more than likely would of gotten deported because she has an order of deportation but since I felt bad I begged and pleaded with the officer not to take her to jail but that I did want to press charges on her. Well about a month after that incident she called the police saying I had put.my hands on her which I never did. I was arrested and thrown in jail and without any proof at all the judge put a 3-year restraining order on me and can’t see my daughter. I found out that she went to court on the charges from back in March and to this day no charges have been filed and they have proof she actually assaulted me she confessed to the police officer of what she.did.and they.have pictures of my stomach and she has also commented that if she were to go to jail she would take my kid and hers and disappear to Mexico. Please help me i don’t know what to do I have not seen my daughter in months and don’t want her mother to take her to Mexico and lose my baby girl. Should i call immigration or what should I do? Please help. Also in the charges she allegedly said I did- all they have is her word and nothing more I also have proof that she lied to the police about me hitting her. Also I was told that lying to an officer is another crime if this is true back in March when.she.assaulted me she called 911 and said I was the one who assaulted her but when the officer showed up she admitted that she lied and she was the aggressor  not me. How can i press charges because she needs to be in jail and might need some mental help? She is not right in the head please ease help me I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation.  We cannot offer any legal advice over the message board. WEAVE does have a legal line that you may contact to see if there are any legal services that WEAVE may be able to assist you with. The Legal Line is 319-4905. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding the domestic violence you experienced and the distress you feel regarding not being able to see your daughter you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We also offer counseling services in South Sacramento and midtown Sacramento. If you would like more information regarding the counseling services we provide please call the Support Line. 
I need help in my divorce case. I have not filed any paper work and my husband is very violent, emotionally abusive and cursing and threatening. I have 2 boys (8 and 5). Right now I am helpless and need counseling on how can i help myself and my case. He has threatened that he will take the kids to New Zealand where he will live with his family. I am scared to go home after work and my children sleep with me in the night. I am worried that his threats of taking the children will come true one day. He curses my sick mother every day and says he will make sure that i become bedridden and left alone. Before he had hit me and i called the cops. He has thrown and broken things in the house and now it is emotional and he verbally tortures me. He says he knows that he can’t touch me but he will use other means to hurt me. I am very scared at night because he is awake at night and walks in the house. I am so sorry, it sounds like you are having a really hard time right now. WEAVE provides free legal workshops for those interested in filing for divorce. The workshop is for individuals who live in Sacramento county and is held on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm and again on the 4th Thursday of the month from 3:00p-5:00 pm. We also have individual and group counseling available on a sliding scale fee. If you would like more information regarding counseling, safety planning, and community resources please give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
My friend had been with her domestic abuse/alcoholic BF. They cohabitate. He was arrested for beating her. She took him home when he was released. I feel I am wasting my time trying to speak with her. I have tried to explain abuse like this gets worse each incident. I feel I can’t speak to her anymore. My time is being wasted trying to speak with her. I feel it’s time to walk away. I cannot deal with listening to the ranting and screaming of this pos. I cannot help her. Am I doing the correct thing by walking away? Seeing someone you care about be abused is difficult. We have found that people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons and can lose a lot of friends and family along the way. It may be helpful to think about what your relationship would look like if you did not give her advice regarding her relationship. Sometimes it can be helpful to refer friends or family to us that way they know there are resources available to help them when and if they are ready to call. It may also be helpful for you to call our Support Line so that you can process how you are feeling. You can call our Support Line at (916)920-2952. Ultimately you are the one that knows your limits the best and what you can and cannot handle being around. 
Can I still do anything about my ex-partner used to beat me one day about two years ago he hit me so hard that he split my nose and blacked both eyes now I’ve got a scar across my nose , just wondering if I can do something about it now he’s left me I am not sure what the statute of limitations is but you can contact law enforcement to find out if it is too late to make a report. It may be too late to make a report but if you are interested in counseling services WEAVE offers individual and group counseling for domestic violence. For more information regarding counseling you can contact our 24 hour Support and information Line at (916)920-2952


My friend has been married to her husband for almost 18yrs- today he spit in her face and grabbed her face.  They have 2 kids together and her husband told her he was going to get kicked out if she didn’t give him her check.  What can she do?  Her mom is in Texas and told her she won’t help her if she doesn’t have her kids
 

There are resources to help your friend. WEAVE along with other domestic violence agencies have a safe house for women who are being battered.  It is unfortunate that her mother is not in apposition to help her move back to Texas. It could also be helpful for your friend to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor about how she is feeling.  Our Support Line can be reached at (916)920-2952.
I am in a marriage where my husband has a very short temper and takes his anger out on me occasionally. I am scared to leave because I have a two month old daughter with no place to go and no job. He also told me that he will take me to court if I ever decided to leave and take my daughter away from me, that he can provide things from her that i can not. He has two other daughters and he treats his children like angels but is abusive towards me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to press charges because his other daughters need him seeing their mom is in prison. What can I do and is what he is saying true?  I am sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. Abusive partners will use manipulation to keep their partner in the relationship. It sounds like your husband may be want to put your daughter in the middle of your argument. One option is going to the Family Courthouse on Polwer In on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays between 8:30 and 12pm to file fro a temporary restraining order. You may also call our 24 hour Support and information line if you would like to speak with someone who can provide you with emotional support,
What can be done to help niece get son that boyfriend would not let her have when he kicked her and the girls out of the apartment. They have lived together since March . The baby was 5 months old then.
Your niece is welcome to go to the Family Court House (if she lives in Sacramento) to file for a temporary restraining order. The Temporary Restraining Order Workshop is held at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays from 8:30a-12:00 pm. They are held in the SelfHelp Computer room. If you would like more information regarding the TRO workshop s you may call our Suppotr and Information Line at (916)920-2952
I need help. I  have a female friend who I care greatly about we dated once before and she went back to her ex who is abusive-  more mentally and verbal but there is some physical abuse.  She had a kid with him and recently she got back in touch with me and said she was leaving him for good and can be with me. She told him she was done and she wanted him gone. Well, he wouldn’t leave. She even told him she wanted to be with me then he found my phone number the other night and I and this guy got into it she begged nee to stop and tell him I will leave her alone before he went overboard. He tries the suicide card on her and everything now she won’t speak to me at all and told me to stay away from my own good and she loves me but it has to be like this to protect me and keep me and her safe but I know that won’t happen for her. I love this girl more than anything how can I help her? This guy has a child support warrant and she tried to turn him in and the police told her too bad. I have made it my new lives mission to get this guy away from her and I don’t know how Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you are doing and what is going on for you. It sounds like a really difficult situation without any easy answers. It may be helpful to remind yourself that you only have control over yourself and not someone else’s actions. It can be very difficult to see a loved in a violent situation. If you would like to process your feelings or just have a listening ear on the other side of the phone you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-252. For the police, it can be helpful to keep track of when they respond to a call and to ask for Badge #’s.
OK one night when coming home with my daughter my boyfriend was very angry and continued to cause a fight which I stupidly engaged in. After things got out of hand and we both became physical with each other I called the police which resulted in my boyfriend leaving my home. When the police arrived I informed them that he had access to my apartment and where I thought he would go when he left. I told the police I did not want to place any charges and that i just wanted my keys back so he could not return to my apartment. The officer laughed at me and told me it’s no longer my decision. The following day my boyfriend was escorted by police to get his belongings and from that point on we had a no contact order in place. It has been more than 2 months now and my daughter and I have had no attempts on his part or ours to continue any relationship with my ex however I have been informed by victim services that my ex has plead not guilty and that i will be subpoenaed into court… i never wanted to press charges and I don’t blame my ex for pleading not guilty, because He is a good person and i don’t think he should have this affect him for the rest of his life.  We brought out the worst in each other and neither of us have any desire of knowing the other. And i can only speak for myself but I’m sure he would agree that just like our relationship want this all behind us. So what I would like to know is how I make this just go away without having to go to court and without it resulting to either of us being charged. I am not an attorney so I cannot provide legal advice however when there is a crime such as domestic violence the State (or DA’s office) are the ones that can press charges. If you would like information regarding legal assistance and options regarding who may be able to assist you when you go to court you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. It sounds like this has been a difficult time for you and if you would like to speak with a counselor we are available 24/7.
   
My husband and I moved back in together after a 3 year separation. As soon as we were under the same roof again, he became angry all the time. He verbally abused our 7 year old and tore her shirt in a fit of rage. Several times he called me names in front of her using the worst language possible, following me around repeating the names over and over while I packed up my things to flee. (This happened on several occasions.) While we were out of town, I believe he urinated into a laundry basket of my clean, folded clothes. All of the clothes smell. He blamed the dog, but the dog is house trained and is smaller than the basket. At most if the dog did pee, he might hit a small corner of the clothes and not saturate the whole thing! I’m wondering what I can do legally. I am barely going to make rent this month because thankfully he just moved out. I don’t want our daughter spending unsupervised time with him because he is a horrible human being and doesn’t seem to care about how his outbursts affect her. Can I press charges against him? You can call the local police department and see if you can file a police report or incident report regarding recent fights. It may also be helpful to document any interactions you are having with him. If you are concerned about your safety or your daughter’s safety then a restraining order may be an option. If you would like more information regarding where to request a restraining order or on how to create a safety plan for you and your daughter you may call the 24 hour Support and Information Line. They can also provide you with some community resources that may be able to assist you financially with some of your utility bills to help save costs. Our Support and Information Line can be accessed by calling (916)920-2952.
My husband drinks every day, he always says he is going to stop, he has tried  to cut it by only drinking 3 nights a week, he gets mad and wants to argue, if I don’t want to stay up with him or I don’t want to have sex. I always stay quiet so I don’t say something that might make him more upset but that only makes it worse, in 3 different occasions he has woken up our daughter and taken her out of the room just to make me cry. I’m an illegal in this country and every time I tell him I’m going to call the cops on him he says that he would make sure they take me and I won’t see my daughter. I don’t work because I’m applying for the deferred action for childhood arrivals and for employment authorization, while this takes about 6-7 months I can no longer live like this I fear that one day this might just get out of hand, he has told me before he doesn’t love her, and I can have full custody but I’m still scared that he could get her. All I do now is just video tape our fights that show he has been drinking. But he mentally and emotionally hurts me.  I am so sorry that you are going through this and the threats of deportation must make it even more difficult. Abusive partners will use whatever scare tactics they know work in order to keep their partner in the relationship. There are community resources available to help individuals who are undocumented get the support that they need. At our Safehouse we provide services to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their immigration status. It may be scary to call the police but if you feel that you and your daughter are in danger it may be a safer option.  If you would like assistance in creating a safety plan and learning more about what resources may be available to you please give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
So if my ex/father of kids and I have been on and off for 5 years from 2004-2009 have had many issues of Domestic violence cases with kids involved. The kids and I had our struggles where we begged for his help and got nothing, say after the kids and I moved I got married and started living the all American dream. The father just appears up at your home he helps break my husband and I apart then took my kids over last Christmas break, agreed they be returned Jan 3 upon hunting and searching I find my kids go and try to pick them up get custody papers at my face and my kids screaming and torn from my arms. I returned my response with the exparte hearing request granted then which I lost custody. I hired an attorney to help and got the same result, to get my visits increased from 2 a month two every other weekend but joint legal custody. What is the options I have left and if so how to get there. I need serious help, my kids are my life as they always have been I feel like am slowly dying inside. I feel his goal is to see if I exceed my life’s and continuing to abuse me and our kids. he stops all communications with me until visit days, I have been a good hard working single mom who has done everything in my power to provide and seceded, to teach, and they are intelligent, to do all as a mom no matter if their dad was around or not. And this I alone accomplished with both kids. to have them taken with no help from our local courts or cops due to his close family friend as our judge. What can I do? This message board does not contain legal advice. If you are seeking legal advice, you may want to consult an attorney.

In general, a court has continuing jurisdiction over custody matters until the children are 18. “Continuing jurisdiction”
means the court has the authority to make orders about the children until they are adults. If you are seeking a change in custody, you can file a motion with the court that made your custody order to request this change.

A change in custody is called a “modification.” A “modification” requires a “change of circumstances.” A “change in circumstances” is typically something substantial that happens in the lives of the parents or the children that requires a change in the custody order. This may include: a change in the geographic resident of one or both parents, an incident of child aduse or domestic violence, or a significant change in the needs of the child.

If you are in Sacramento County, WEAVE offers a child custody workshop on the first Wednesday of the month, at 5:30 at the WEAVE midtown location, 1900 K street, Sacramento, 95814.

Your local court likely has a website and/or a self-help center. Theses resources may be helpful in learning how to file a motion in family court.
She got away from her abuser and moved to another state, and got a job and her own place in that state, but then she took him back and brought him to that state and her young kids don’t want their “dad” too hurt her anymore and they are scared. What can be done if the kids aren’t being hurt, but they see their mom hurt and they are scared?
He threatened to kill her and the kids at one point in time!
It sounds like you are really worried about the children’s wellbeing. Domestic violence can impact children in a number of ways even if they are not being physically hurt. Fighting in the home, hearing angry exchanges, and the fear that exists in a violent home can affect children’s sense of wellbeing, physical and emotional health. If you would like to speak with a counselor on the Support Line regarding your concerns and feelings you are welcoming to call us at (916)920-2952. We can help provide you with some support.
My daughter keeps taking back her live-in boyfriend of 2 yrs. who has a terrible temper, throws things, uses foul language in front of the two little boys ages 7 and 5, now the 5 yr. is using the language when things don’t go his way. The police have been called there 3xs over the past yr. I am worried about the kids and her, but she will not listen to anyone to get out of the situation. As a Grandma, what can I do, this is affecting the kids, her and all of us. We are taking care of the boys a lot, we want to but it is a lot of work; but we want them to be in a more stable home….she is also yelling back at the boyfriend and they are blaming the kids for their problems. What do I do? The pressure and the worry and the day to day having to watch and wait for when he might get angry again is almost unbearable and exhausting for everyone involved. He isn’t working and she is on Disability for Fibromyalgia; she says she can’t make it on her own and will not come to live with us. She and I are having a difficult time getting along anymore because of the situation….Any ideas are welcome….this isn’t good the kids…. Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like it is a very difficult situation and I can tell that you are very concerned about your daughter and grandchildren. It can be very taxing emotionally and physically to watch someone you care about be in an abusive relationship. Our Support Line is available for you to talk with a counselor about the challenges you are facing in trying to help your daughter and grandchildren. If you would like to call the Support Line, they can be reached 24 hours a day at (916)920-2952.
My wife flipped out yesterday screaming and yelling at me throwing punches kicking me and threatening to harm our unborn 7 month old…. Should I report it to the authorities anonymously in case it happens again ….she has a history of depression but has never gone that far before I am also afraid for my 6 year old Incase she flips at her … don’t know what to do Thank you for reaching out to ask for help. It sounds like it was a really scary situation and that you are concerned about the safety of your 6 year old and unborn child. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding a specific safety plan for you and your child you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. It is up to you if you would like to report the assault to CPS or law enforcement. Looking over our website can be helpful too in identifying a safety plan. If you call the Support Line they can help review options and resources with you.
My 18 year old daughter is a past victim of domestic violence and I am wondering if you can provide assistance with first and last month’s rent on an apartment here in Sacramento. She is currently in the care of the state of Oregon and they are ready to release her to me but not without a place to go. Her dad, the abuser, lives in Oregon and she has very vivid memories of her dad physically, mentally and sexually abusing her and the best option to get her away from him is to move her out of Oregon. Is there any assistance you can give me? Although she is 18 years old she is mentally and psychologically fragile so I need to get her out ASAP. Any assistance would be appreciated. Thanks! I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and the difficult situation you are both in. Unfortunately WEAVE does not provide relocation or rental assistance. Your daughter may qualify for Victims Compensation Services if a police report has been filed. It may be worth looking into by contacting the DA’s office where the crimes occurred. It must be difficult to not have your daughter with you. It sounds like she is currently in the care of individuals who have her best interests and safety in mind. If she is working with social workers, they may have additional resources that can be looked into for financial assistance in moving to Sacramento.
I was raped by my cousin from since I was 8yrs old he didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties, then I found out he was also raping my mother. Can i press charges against him? He’s admitted what he’s done and is now a member of the church surrounded by children.  What can I do now 20yrs later? I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. It must have been very frightening for you. I am not aware of the statute of limitations where you are from. In regards to him being around children, if you have concerns that other children are at risk you can file an anonymous report with child protective services. If you would like additional support regarding how the sexual abuse has impacted your life and would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
My husband punched me in the back of my head and face near my ear. My face near the ear is swelling and my head that he hit. My ear has pain too when I try touching it. To defend myself I tried hitting him back but couldn’t do much because he is way bigger and stronger than me. I was about to call 911 but he told me we could go both to jail because he said I hit him in the balls. If I call 911, CPS will keep the kids.My passport is expired and can’t really go home. Do I really have to let it go for now? I am sorry to hear that you are hurt. I am not sure if it is an option for you to see a doctor but it might be helpful just in case there is anything broken. Because we are not law enforcement, I cannot say if you would both be arrested if you had called the police after the fight. There is a lot of fear regarding CPS and police involvement and it’s understandable that you have questions about calling them for help. There are organizations available to help individuals with questions regarding their visas and passports. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support Line to speak with a counselor regarding available options, community resources, and safety planning our number is (916)920-2952.
my 4 year old daughter witnessed her father kick me and punch me in the face I called police arrested him, I’m pressing charges, I went to Family Court got full custody, restraining orders as well as child support and spousal support for a year. Now what do I do to help my 4 year old daughter deal with the absence of her father as well as the affect of him punching and kicking me has had on her. Sometimes it seems she’s afraid to leave my side as in if she is protecting me. How do I help my little girl? She’s so innocent and this is breaking her heart but I know I’ve done right and I know I’ve done the best thing I could do to keep her safe and protect her and now how do I help her mentally. I found a therapist to go see in two days. This happened to us 8 days ago am I missing anything??? First, I would like to say that I am sorry that you and your daughter
experienced such violence. It is great that you are seeking help
for your daughter. It can be scary for her for a while but having
another safe person to talk to can help in the long term. If you have
not already, it may be helpful for you to find someone to talk to for
your own emotional health. It sounds like you really care about your
daughter and want to get her the support that she needs to feel
better. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor we
are available on the Support and Information Line 24/7. The
Support Line can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again, it is
commendable that you are not hesitating on getting your daughter
additional support. 
My ex of 5 years has been abusive throughout of relationship. we’ve broke up and got back together so many times. This last time was the worst. Our daughters first birthday is coming up. Its been 20 days and I miss him. What’s wrong with me? Why do I always want him back even though he abuses me?

Thank you for reaching out to us for support. Domestic violencerelationships can be very confusing because a lot of times there is
some good mixed in with the bad. For many people they leave  an abusive relationship and return to an abusive relationship for many
reasons. It may be helpful to look over some of the resources we have available on our website including the cycle of violence. It may
help you to make more sense of your relationship and the patterns of good and bad times. If you would like to speak with a Support Line
counselor or if you think you would like to  come in for counseling WEAVE offers group counseling in addition to individual counseling.
Group counseling can be beneficial as you may find that others in the group share similar experiences and have similar questions. Our Support Line can be reached at(916)920-2952.

My parents fighting had gotten out of hand. I fear for my mother’s life. My father I don’t won’t to say that he’s abusive. But I guess that’s what you call it. They get in verbal fights and mama gets in his face and then daddy pushes her. But I cannot take this anymore. My father has run off most family we have. He’s does not care. He drinks every day and whenever he drinks he gets mean. Not to me or my brother just whenever he and mom fight he will throw things. He won’t leave I wish he would. But daddy makes most of the money and mama has a job too just less paying. That’s why we haven’t left. When we do leave after a fight I get so happy because this is the step to be away from him. And then she comes back. It must be very upsetting to see your parents fight. It can also be confusing to have to go back and forth. It sounds like you care a lot about both your parents. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships and money is a big reason. Parents sometimes do not understand the effect that domestic violence has on their children. It sounds like you are very observant and are aware of the conflicting feelings you have. It may be helpful to look over our website or call one of our counselor’s on the Support Line to review a safety plan and learn more about community referrals that may help you and your mother. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952. There is also a teen hotline answered by teenagers and specifically for teenagers. The Teen hotline can be accessed by calling 800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only). Your school might also have onsite counseling available that could be helpful in processing how you feel about what you are experiencing at home.
I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 19. i got pregnant and he would choke me and pin me to the bed bite me and pull my hair when we got in fights he always promised he never do it again so i stayed i had our baby he showed up to the delivery room high and then left me in the hospital the night she was born to go get high the day home from the hospital he threw me on the bed and then choked his mom. he got arrested this time we got a TPO now it’s a month after this and now i can remove the TPO and he’s begging me to do so and i don’t want to I’m afraid he will take her and run and there’s nothing i can do about it he’s not right in the head he’s crazy when i told him he was crazy he told me no its just some of his personalities are crazy but that doesn’t make him crazy , while we were being intimate he had me beg him to stop because it turned him on i guess i don’t know but he’s not right in the head and i don’t want him around our daughter i have no idea what to do i want to get custody but i don’t know where to start in Ohio. Also will this domestic violence charge give me the better chance of me getting her? I’m still in school I’m supposed to graduate in January and i don’t have a job but my parents buy her everything she needs I’m so afraid he’ll get her and he’ll end up hitting her too i just don’t know what to do. First, I am so sorry that happened to you. Being a new mother can be very challenging and having the added pressure of an abusive partner must be very difficult for you. Raising a new baby, completing school, and filing a TPO all takes a lot of strength and courage. Because we are based in California I would not be able to advise you of the laws or custody referrals in Ohio. The National Domestic Violence hotline is a great resource and they can help give you referrals specific to your area. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). There are a number of behaviors you mention in your message that are concerning. You have every right to question what is best for you and your baby. It may be helpful to call the hotline so that you can speak with a counselor regarding your feelings and concerns. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you can help in deciding what is best for you regarding removing the TPO or maintaining it. Please know that you are not alone and we send safe thoughts and support to you and your infant. 
How much time does CPS have to respond to a case? My boyfriend and I got into a fight he beat me up pretty bad. In the event of our fight he also slapped and pulled my daughters hair which is 3 and half years old. I ended up having to stab the man to get to get my daughter and I to safety. CPS has not showed up at my house and I know when there’s a domestic violence situation they are required to show up at your house. So my question is, do we have a certain amount of time to act on the situation or do nothing at all. First, I am so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. It must have been a very upsetting experience. Unfortunately, I do not know how long CPS has to respond to a report or if they will follow-up with your case. It is up to you as to whether or not you would like to follow up with law enforcement or CPS. I do not know the specifics of what happened after the physical fight but if you are in need of support, safety planning, or information regarding domestic violence our website has helpful information. You can also call CPS to ask anonymous questions regarding their response time.
I have been with my husband for 11yr, married 2yr. Our daughter is 7 weeks old. I love them both, but I feel I have a duty to protect her; she is the most important person in the world to me. My husband loves her, feels the same. I don’t think he would ever hurt her. Sometimes we have ugly fights. My husband has a nasty temper and although he can go months without a problem, he can’t cope with stress, frustration, exhaustion, etc. when he feels overwhelmed he erupts like a volcano. Tonight, he was tired. He worked, I’m home on leave. We had company until 9, we were in good spirits. But the baby was cranky and he was unable to just go to bed. So then he was tired and frustrated. He says he was going to change our bed sheets as she peed on them during a diaper change. But he didn’t, and I finally put her to sleep only to find the sheets the same and him in bed (my side had the pee on it). I got mad and told him so and asked him to change the sheets. I don’t remember exactly what happened but I know he had an attitude and I got angrier. It escalated. I say, I was caring for the baby the least he could go was change the sheets. He scoffed and said caring for the baby? Barely. I got so angry I thought I was going to burst and I lay the now crying again baby gently in her co sleeper and left the room. He then says to the baby. “See your mother doesn’t care about you. That cunt.” I became irate. I marched back in and kind of yelled at him about name calling and talking trash to our daughter. I then picked her up and calmed her down. Sleeping I put her back but the fight continued because he didn’t apologize. He just told n’s to ’shut up, I’m tired’ or then he’d say he was sorry but he just sounded angry like he was hoping it would shut me up. But the fake apology just made me angrier. It felt so incredibly disrespectful, insult to injury. Anyway I don’t remember when but I kept rewording myself trying to get him to see that this can’t stand, that our baby can’t have this for a childhood. And then he snapped and stood up and x grabbed me and pushed me to the floor by my head. I skinned my knee a little on the carpet. Outrage burst out of me. I lost myself and yelled “I’m a mother” over and over and I grabbed his shirt, it tore. He yells ‘you tore my shirt’ I then felt terrified and cowered on the bed nearby. He left the room and for safety I shut the door. He punched his fist right through it. (He’s put holes in the side before so it was weakened. Then he got in his car and left. An hour later he came home and said he was sorry. I told him it wasn’t good enough, but when I pressed him for more (like real remorse) he got defensive, blamed me for ‘not knowing when to quit it’ and demanded to go to sleep. He’s on the couch. Tomorrow he’ll act like nothing happened. He’ll say he’s sorry again, and then things will be fine until… A week? 2? A month? 3 months? Until whenever it isn’t. I want to change the cycle. I hate to leave him. I am terrified of parenting alone. Money? I make good money but enough?? And I love him. 90% of the time he’s really loving. Every blue moon he flips out. I don’t think he’s trying to control me. He just can’t handle his feelings at times I think. But I don’t know what to do to keep out family together. Our baby can’t live like this though. That’s not an option, but I threaten my husband, change or divorce, change or whatever. Nothing changes. Introducing a new baby into the home can be a very exciting time in a couple’s life however, when there is a history of domestic violence it can also become a very stressful time. Research has shown that violence can escalate after a child is born. It sounds like you had a very difficult and scary night. Leaving a relationship is a very big decision and it sounds like you have a lot of questions and want to do what is best for you and your baby. It may be helpful for you to look over our website (when he is not home) to get more information on the cycle of violence and safety planning. You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to find out more about safety planning, community resources, and just to have a supportive person to talk to about your situation. You can reach the Support Line by calling (916)920-2952.
My daughter was a victim of abuse for 10 years. She is a physical and emotional wreck.Your organization was recommended by her attorney Sean Musgrove. How long does it take to be seen by someone in your organization? It has taken me a few months to convince her she needs help to recover. Thank you so much Thank you for reaching out to us to find help for your daughter. WEAVE offers various support services for survivors of domestic violence including legal and counseling services. If your daughter is interested in counseling services WEAVE offers individual and group counseling on a sliding scale fee for service. Triage counseling is the first step in getting counseling services. Triage appointments are offered at various times throughout the week. WEAVE offers triage counseling at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s and Thursdays from 10a-1p and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We have Spanish triage sessions on Thursdays from 10a-1pm.  We also offer triage services on Mondays in English and Spanish from 4p-7p at our South Sacramento location, 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823. Clients are asked to get there early in order to find parking and check in at reception. Appointments typically last for 30 minutes and are held on a first come, first served basis. At times there is a waitlist for counseling services however that typically is no longer than a month depending on your daughters availability for individual or group counseling. If you would like more information you may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
So where do I start off from?  Here I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years … Idk when the abuse started but it has to have been exactly almost two years that I been taking this. The reason why I Don’t leave is because I love him and because I believe in him I believe he can be a better person I see it in him I just know in reality he’s never going to change and when he does IF HE DOES it’ll be for someone else. See I’m there for him no matter what yet he still treats me bad idk why doesn’t he see I’m the only person he has? That’s one reason why I stay because he doesn’t have anybody, nowhere to go, and I don’t want him to be alone. He has cheated, lies constantly, and gets mad very easily most of the time it’s for dumb things. He has kicked, slapped, hit my head hard, punched my body except my face, I cry and cry and tell him to just stop but he only gets madder and hits me more. He expects me to be ok after all that and not to cry. We do have our good times. He makes me smile and laugh and we just have a good time like two best friends would but this whole getting hit, talking down on me, making me cry almost every day is killing me. It’s to the point where my actual heart hurts because it’s beating so fast feels like it’s going to pop out my chest. I know this can’t be good but I just can’t leave him :( do I have a mental problem ? Why am I still here? Thank you for reaching out to us with your question as I am sure many other people have the same questions—Why does he treat me this way? Why do I stay? Why is he nice sometimes and not all of the time? Is there something wrong with me? These are all very common and complex questions regarding domestic violence. People stay in abusive relationships for many reasons- including love, concern that the abusive partner will have nowhere to go, hopes that they will change. It makes it very confusing to love someone that hurts you. On our website we have information regarding the cycle of violence and the various forms of domestic violence. It may be helpful to look over our website at a safe time when he is not around. You are also more than welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to get support regarding your feelings, experience, and help with a safety plan (should you want one). Thank you again for reaching out to us and please know that the violence is not your fault and you are not alone.
Is there any way I can legally make my daughter leave an abusive husband? I am afraid he is going to kill her. I would be willing to have her declared incompetent to make her own decisions if it meant saving her life. I know this sounds extreme, but i feel so helpless and desperate Unfortunately I am unable to provide legal advice. WEAVE and the Family Courthouse offer workshops to assist individuals seeking a restraining order due to domestic violence. You are welcome to give your daughter our 24 hour Support and Information Line number, (916)920-2952 should she be interested in learning more about area resources and a safety plan. If you would like to call our Support Line to speak with a counselor to discuss how you are feeling regarding your fear for your daughter you are more than welcome to as it sounds like you are very worried about her safety.
The past couple of nights my brother has beaten me. Tonight he ended up in jail for hitting me because my mom called the cops. My brother was saying before we called the police that if we called them he would never speak to me or mom again. This is very difficult for us. It has always been my mom, my brother, and I. My brother is 18 and yes I know he needs to grow up but for the first time ever, our family has officially fallen apart. This is heart breaking for both my mom and I. My brother never used to be abusive until he met his girlfriend. It seems like in the past whenever he has thrown an outburst like this it’s always because of his girlfriend. What should I do? My brother has already told my mom that she was not welcome in his life. How can I fix this? How can I repair my family? It sounds like you are taking on the responsibility of trying to fix your brothers actions when he was the one being violent. Right now it may be helpful to focus on your own healing and how you feel regarding the events that took place. Without having all the information it sounds like it may not be safe to approach your brother regarding the violence or the actions that led up to the physical altercation. It may be helpful for you to speak with someone regarding how it feels for you to have this conflict within the family and the change in the relationship. Maybe after some time your brother will be able to get some tools that will help him express his anger and feelings in a non-abusive way. If you would like more information regarding resources that may be able to assist you and your mother you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
My husband twists my arms during a fight. When he’s yelling, i tell him to shut up and he gets so mad that he jumps behind me and twists my arms, shoves me, shakes me, throws my head down. He does not hit me. Is this considered domestic violence? If i tell my parents, they can’t/do not help me. Yes, what you are describing is domestic violence. A partner does not need to hit someone in order for it to be considered domestic violence. He is using physical force to hurt and scare you. I am sorry that your parents are not able to provide you with the support it sounds like you need. If you would like to speak with someone regarding a safety plan and options you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. It is advisable that you call when your husband is not home as that can increase the risk of violence and that way we can provide you with confidential referrals and support. Our website also has helpful information regarding different types of domestic violence, the cycle of violence, and safety planning.
I recently got out of an abusive relationship. I’ve been staying with my family while things get sorted out. While, home, I reconnected with an old friend/crush from high school. Is it too soon for me to think about dating someone else? What would you advise? That is difficult but important question. After leaving an abusive relationship it can feel good to get positive attention however having some time for yourself to heal and reflect on your relationship may be helpful in order to reconnect with yourself. WEAVE offers group counseling that goes over the cycle of violence in abusive relationships, healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, etc. that may be helpful to look into before starting a new relationship. If you would like more information regarding group counseling or process how you are feeling regarding starting a new relationship after recently leaving an abusive one you are welcome to call the Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
My husband just screamed at me while in the car and said the following “I will commit suicide and you will suffer. I will make sure you suffer and are on the street. I will die and you will be the only one to suffer. You have tied my hands so I cannot do anything to you. But I will gather the courage to kill myself and you will pay for it. You will be on the street and I will watch you suffer. It’s a curse from me to you that you should suffer through my death”. All this in front of my twenty three month old baby and he was driving while saying this. I was scared so kept quite because if he did something with the car my baby would suffer through it. He has been giving me suicide threats for a long time when he finds me alone. I am so scared and I don’t know what to do. I and my baby are on his visa as dependents and I just don’t know where to go and what to do. I feel trapped and don’t know how I will be able to take care of my baby. Please help. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us as that sounds like a very scary situation for you. I am not sure if there is a time when he is not in the house with you but if so, you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor regarding your situation. The counselor can help you with a safety plan and provide you with some places that may be able to help you. WEAVE also has a safehouse that may be a safe option for you and your baby. WEAVE has been able to help callers who are dependent upon their spouse for their visa and WEAVE may be able to help you.  I am sorry to hear that you are going through this but please know that you can get information on our website that will help with safety as well as by calling our 24 hour hotline.
I have a house in Northern Nevada that I’m not currently using. Is there a need for people to temporarily provide a home for people in need of temporary shelter and if so, who would I contact? Because we are an agency based in Sacramento, CA we would most likely not be the best place to assist in advising you on how your property would be able to serve domestic violence clients seeking shelter. You may want to contact the National DV Hotline to see if there is a domestic violence agency near your vacant home. The Hotline may be able to give you some other referrals that may be an option for you.  Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
I was at work where I had this incident where this guy groped me from behind grabbing my waist so tight to where I had to pinch him to get him off while rubbing his penis across but butt with our clothes on. I contacted everyone I needed to contact and I was inform he was arrested, I gotten to work a few days later to find out the guy never went to jail he had a slap on the wrist and was no longer welcome to my place of employment. I want to know if this act was a battery act or is it called something else and what could I do about this situation to take it further? You can file a report with your local law enforcement agency. What he did was against the law and must have felt extremely violating. I am sorry your place of employment did not take it more seriously, that must have been even more upsetting. After making a law enforcement report you can look into possibly getting a restraining order which would be done at the family court house. Every ones healing process for sexual assault is different WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and information line if you need support and or information and resources. The number to the Support Line is 916-920-2952.
I need help helping my sister. She is young, and pregnant. She is very close to having her baby. She is currently staying with my grandmother because the babys father (who is addicted to meth) put a chainsaw to her stomach and threatened to kill her and the baby if she didn’t shut up. (She won’t admit it to the family, but she told my husband) I myself have heard him threaten to kill her and the baby if she tried to leave again when my sister butt dialed me and I heard her screaming Pleasejust let me go please and the line hung up. I thought he had killed her. He didn’t and she came home.. but she keeps leaving with him. putting herself and my future niece in danger. When they first got together she ran off to Alabama with him (we live in GA) and came home after she had to have a 4 hour surgery on her arm where he cut her. She told us that when she came home but now swears she did it herself punching through a glass window. My sister is not on drugs, she never has been, I dont understand how she can be with a guy like that.. our father was on drugs too.. but that should just keep us from men like that. Anyway, I’m worried about my sister.. but mostly my future neice. My sister is an adult WHO KEEPS PUTTING HERSELF IN THE SITUATION but my neice is a helpless baby who cant make a decision for herself. I’m terrified of him hurting her. I’m terrified of him getting angry on one of his binges and hurting the baby. He lives in a known meth house with his dad.. the baby cant live there. My gramz and I feel that my sister is going to go back with him when the baby is born because she keeps sneaking off with him for days at a time. I’m scared and I don’t know what I can do.. or the steps I can take to ensure my neice will be safe. Is this more of a legal question?
Subject:
This sounds like a very scary situation for your niece and family. You can call Child Protective Services if you feel like your niece is in danger, which it sounds like she is. The number to CPS for Sacramento County is 916-875-5437. I believe that you can file an anonymous report. If you would like us to file a report for you then you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you have concerns for her safety you may also call local law enforcement and ask that they do a welfare check. This sounds like a very stressful situation I encourage you to take care of yourself and find a safe person to talk to. It may be helpful to call the Teen hotline at (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only) – See more at: http://teenlineonline.org You can also text TEEN to 839863.
My husband is verbally and controlling abusive to me . I have been diagnosed with with a rare disorder and he carries the health insurance and etc. I have a check account but only when he puts money in it. I just moved from all my family in tx to virginia so I have no one and I know I can’t keep on. If I leave he will cancel my health insurance which I need badly so I don’t know what to do? It sounds like a very scary situation. It is not uncommon for victims to be isolated from family and or support. It is also common for abusers to maintain control by not allowing you access to money or keeping things you are in need of like medical cards, drivers licenses or passports. This could leave people feeling dependent and like they don’t have any options but to stay. When it is safe to do so I would encourage you to call your local domestic Violence center. If you do not know what that number is you can call the National Domestic Violence center at 1800-799-7233 and they can help you locate the closest center to you. WEAVE does offer a 24/7 support and information line that can provide support, information, and assistance with safety planning,  that number is 916-920-2952. I know this time can feel very scary but you are not alone and you are showing great courage in reaching out for help.
Hello,

My daughter has been in an abusive relationship (now marriage…same person) for approx 4 yrs now. He is not physically abusive but is in almost every other way.I have watched him gradually strip my daughter’s self esteem away. It has been heart wrenching for my husband and I to watch and has made us feel very helpless at times.He will undoubtedly do this to their children also. If not, at the very least, their marital example will show these precious girls what type of man to look for. One that is hateful, manipulative, angry, completely incapable of reason and insane.She left him once (along with her 2 babies) and he sweet talked her back home after just a few days of being gone. Once she arrived home utterly and completely emotionally spent, he told her that he’d just lied about all of the “nice” things he’d said and had just said them to get her back home. Even after him telling her that, she stayed there. I was furious and begged her to come back. She wouldn’t listen to me so I backed off about it. Now, months later, she and babies are here with my husband and I again. I am so glad that she has left. She has been away from him now for approx 3 weeks. His true colors have only intensified during this time. He is literally crazy… seems genuinely psychotic. He will tell her one thing one day in apparent “kindness” and then the very next morning tell her that he NEVER said that and he doesn’t know WHAT she is talking about. He is seriously off of his rocker. My daughter, for the most part, has maintained her respect by allowing him to see their girls whenever he wants and trying not to give him any hassle about that whatsoever. She knows that despite everything he really does love his girls. I do believe that he loves them, but still think that he is a very dangerous influence for them to be around as well as the fact that he is so unstable that his judgments in every day life decisions are just really really off. This, in my opinion, puts my precious grandbabies at risk/ danger. She, however, seems to overlook this. I believe in order to maintain peace so that he doesn’t go crazy and do who knows what. Try to get them taken away from her….run away with them?? As the days have gone on, my daughter’s head seems to be clearing more and more and she has begun to see just how genuinely messed up her husband really is. How desperately he needs Psychiatric help. However, day before yesterday after she picked her girls up from there…she talked to him on the phone. She asked him if he was starting to get sick (as his voice sounded funny). It was at that point, she said, that he completely lost all composure and started crying. The crying became totally uncontrollable. This is the very first time ever that she has heard him cry about anything. She said that it was very real and he was genuinely heartbroken. Even through his breakdown, he still couldn’t see clearly. He did say that he knows that he has been a bad husband and that he really misses their little family, etc., but that he just could not understand how she could “take” his children from him (he has said this over and again, all along). This episode has completely flipped her attitude towards him from one of disdain and shock to one of compassion, though she saaays she still sees his insanities and does not want to return to him until they’ve gotten alot of counseling and she sees alot of change in him. I hope that she really means this. Since this crying episode, she now is saying that she really is wondering if all of his insanities have been caused from the intense stress that he is experiencing as a result of her and the girls having left. I told her to remember back to being at home and to tell me if any of those insanities were there THEN. She said yes she sees that they were, in fact, there, but still wonders if the extremeness of how he’s acted since her having left is because of the stress. Scares me that she is starting to justify his behavior. I wonder if she even realizes that she is beginning to “excuse” him. Very frightening that she is somewhat dismissing these things. The entire time she’s been here she and I have had very open discussions about him and his crazy behaviors. She is not not allowing me to be free in my speech. She is defending him and not letting me say what I want to say. Not a good sign.If I could have MY way, he would be completely healed in the head and heart and that they WOULD be able to get back together and raise their precious girls together in a loving home. It is very VERY hard for me to ever see that happening, but with God all things are possible so I won’t give up hope, however I will continue to be a realist and look at this all with my eyes wide open.I fear that his crying and showing his emotion and hurt will cause her emotions to override her head and reasoning. I hope that this will not happen. She says that it won’t, however, as I said, she is now defensive about him. Is there anything that you recommend that I say to her or have her read, for eg.??Not sure what our role is, exactly, except to keep confronting her with the realities of what he has done in the past.Please feel free to give your input.
Thank you.
 

I know that it can be very painful to have a loved one in a domestic violent relationship. I would encourage you to find your support system so that you can take care of yourself during this very difficult time. WEAVE’s philosophy is one that empowers people to make the decisions that are right for them while giving them options/resources and reminding them that each person deserves a healthy respectful loving relationship.
It can be helpful to give your daughter some information for counseling for her and her children. WEAVE offers counseling, and legal services. You can get the details about all of our services by calling our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. The Support and Information can provide resources, information and support for you and or your daughter. If you suspect that your grandchildren are being abused or if they are witnessing abuse you can call your local Children’s Protective Services and make a report. It sounds like you are giving your daughter and your grandchildren a great deal of support and love.
I have a house in Northern Nevada that I’m not currently using. Is there a need for people to temporarily provide a home for people in need of temporary shelter and if so, who would I contact? I would contact the Domestic Violence center in your area to see if you can collaborate with them. If you do not know what agency that is you can call the National Domestic Violence center at 1800-799-7233 and they can get you that information. Thank you for being such a generous hearted person and for having the willingness to make this world a better place. Thank you.
My husband just screamed at me while in the car and said the following “I will commit suicide and you will suffer. I will make sure you suffer and are on the street. I will die and you will be the only one to suffer. You have tied my hands so I cannot do anything to you. But I will gather the courage to kill myself and you will pay for it. You will be on the street and I will watch you suffer. It’s a curse from me to you that you should suffer through my death”. All this in front of my twenty three month old baby and he was driving while saying this. I was scared so kept quite because if he did something with the car my baby would suffer through it. He has been giving mevsuicide threats for a long time when he finds me alone. I am so scared and I don’t know what to do. I and my baby are on his visa as dependents and I just don’t know where to go and what to do. I feel trapped and don’t know how I will b able to take care of my baby. Please help. I am so sorry you are going through such a scary situation. WEAVE does have a 24/7 Support and Information line that you can call at any time and talk to a live counselor to discuss your options. They can give you details about our counseling services, legal services, and information about our safehouse. They can also go over safety planning with you. The number to our Support and Information line is 916-920-2952. Of course you should definitely call 911 if you or your children are ever in immediate danger. Great job reaching out for help it can be really scary but just know you don’t have to do it alone.
I really hope somebody is reading this. right now my boyfriend and I just got into a huge fight That lead to me trying to harm myself. everything is always fault. when he asks me something i have to be very detailed but when its the other way around he won’t even tell me the whole story. for some reason I can’t let him go. I tell myself I don’t want this disrespect and abuse anymore but actions speak louder. I would rather try talkin out out problems or if not then just drop it all but he won’t. He will continue to be mad and lash out and threaten to leave me and when he does I try holding him to show him I don’t want him to leave and that I want us to work but he pushes me away and starts putting his hands on me. The thing he does now is dig his fingers into my skin till I can’t breathe. he even hit me so hard on the back of my head, I don’t have any more friends to tal kno which is why I am writing it here. I can go on & on about the way he treats me but it is too much. Somebody help me Great job in reaching out it I know it takes a lot of courage. While in a violent relationship victims often are very isolated from friends, family, and support. I know relationships are complicated and there can be a lot of back and forth because people want to believe the person they care about and believe that they will change. It can be very good to build up your support system. Counseling can be a great opportunity to have a safe person to talk to as well as help you with safety planning. WEAVE does offer counseling. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support
The man who is saying in my home is not a boyfriend, husband, or even a friend at this point. The history is long. I can’t detail it all. He is manipulative, a liar, a thief, and I fear his reaction to me telling him it’s REALLY time to leave based on the past interactions. He was supposed to stay for 2 weeks. It’s been 9 months. He has stolen from me, manages to get $ from me voluntarily, he is an addict; he has no place to live, no place to go. I fear that when it’s “time” (which was long ago), that he will feel he has nothing to lose and the repercussions will not be good. I’ve seen that familiar look, the fear/anger, he has threatened me emotionally, black mailed me. I know this sounds rather benign. A therapist is who I need to see. I had a bad childhood and have been involved in several “romantic” relationships that were abusive on some level or another. He is demeaning me emotionally and financially and taking my sanity…and the worst part is that I am allowing it. In the past he staked me, he terrorized past dark after finding him in my home uninvited. And even SINCE, I eventually accept his profuse apologies, and now I am in this situation–ALL my fault. But I feel hopeless and paralyzed. Angry. Ashamed. All entirely too familiar feelings. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. He has said that he will call the police on me, my parents, my friends, spewing lies and half-truths (just enough to make them believable) that he knows will affect me and my relationships negatively. I feel like a hostage in my own home and with a “man” who, again, has NOTHING to lose if I kick him out. He stays here paying no rent, no bills, has crashed two of my cars, uses my debit cards and becomes very angry when I have a meltdown which is fairly often. Because I can’t TAKE it. I know the obvious thing to do is to tell him to leave on a certain date and if he does not, call the police. There’s so much going on in my life and this is impeding and affecting progress in my life in every level. Am I trying to do that? So that I don’t have to evolve, change, climb out of the quick sand??? I think not. But a person told me, who isn’t privy to all of this, that I am sabotaging myself. I really don’t feel I am. Not on purpose. This is all very vague and I don’t expect a response…it’s too confusing to explain thoroughly and chronologically. And even psychologically. I am an adult and I feel not only like a child, but a piece of garbage who allows myself to be continually used and abused. I know my childhood was not my fault, of course. But past that…I mean, it begins with my very first boyfriend at 15 years old and there hasn’t been much time where I haven’t chosen men, romantically, not this a**hole, who don’t in some way, mimic what I went through as a kid. I do feel my outmoded coping mechanisms are in play here though. Sit down, give in, forgive”, “2 more weeks”, yes, fine, take it…yes, fine, this that that and this. I have to stop. I wouldn’t kill myself, not EVER. But I just wish I never existed to begin with. I swear to all that is that I am not at risk for harming myself. Only with negative self-talk and these toxic relationships. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us as it sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now at home. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support Line to speak with a counselor regarding options and resources. You mentioned that you may benefit from speaking with a counselor and we can refer you to our counseling services as well as other counseling services in the area. If you would like to call our Support Line you can reach us at (916)920-2952. Although the counselor will not be able to provide you with advice as to what you should do it can be helpful to get emotional support. Childhood trauma can affect future, adult relationships and speaking with a counselor may be able to assist you in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with the people in your life.
Hi I don’t really have anyone to talk to but I have been with my partner for one and a bit years, he started off so nice and kind but slowly signs have shown him getting worse and it’s gone from verbal abuse (nasty name calling) to threats (threatening to kick my teeth in if I don’t listen to him) and now it’s physical where he has gone crazy and smashed all my makeup hair straightener perfume everything and throw it all at me smashing around me then grabbing by the back of my neck and smashing me into the wall and pushing me kicking me and then smashing me in the back and left marks for a couple of days from just one hit… I don’t want it to get any worse and I really want to leave before I could get my head stomped in but the worst part is we have a 11 week old daughter and I never want him to touch her and for her sake I want to leave but make sure he can never take her away and never hurt us or come near us again but I don’t know who to do it and I have a signed lease with him that I cannot break… I’m only 18 years old thank you. Sounds like a really scary and difficult situation. There are resources available to help you that may be able to assist you in breaking your lease due to domestic violence. It sounds like the threats are serious and that you are scared for your safety and the safety of your daughter. If you would like to find out more information regarding available options and a safety plan you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor. You can reach a counselor by dialing (916)920-2952. You may also look under the domestic violence tab on our website for more information regarding safety planning and services. Thank you again for reaching out to let us know what you are experiencing. Please know that we are here to help and that you are not alone.
My sister in Folsom is in a very abusive situation. He is now taking the kids away to a hotel. Earlier today he slapped her and her son called 911. He told the police it was a joke. Twice he has called the police when they were fighting and said she had hit him and she has been charged with assaulting him. She has a problem with alcohol and today he gave her vodka and took videos of her and said she was drunk. She has been hit and emotionally abused by him and he is threatening to take the kids away from her. I am in the Bay Area and am not sure how to help. Thank you for taking the time to write to us as it sounds like a very difficult situation. If you are worried about the safety of the children you and their mom can call Folsom law enforcement and request a welfare check. You may also contact CPS if you feel that the children are in danger. The CPS reports can be made without the parents knowing who made the report. CPS can be contacted at (916)875-5473. You and your sister are welcome to call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to get more information regarding options and available resources.
I have restraining order against my husband, he abused me and I filed for divorce he disagreed about joint petition unless I will drop the restraining order. He wants annulment of marriage that was fraudulent. I refused to drop the restraining order I don’t feel safe unless I’m definitely divorced and everyone is away. We will have court hearing in 3 months .Can he accuse me of cheating? Or Can I prove he is cheating on me even when there is restraining order and we don’t live together 3 months now. WEAVE cannot offer legal advice through this message board. If you need legal advice, or believe your legal rights have been infringed, you may want to consult an attorney. California is a no-fault divorce state. Essentially this means that the court does not accept evidence as to which party is responsible for the end of the marital relationship. Related to this, a married person can obtain a divorce in California without agreement by the other party. The subject of fraud, particularly as applied to nullity is a complex legal issue. Specific, factual questions on this issue should be addressed by a qualified family law attorney.
If you live with an abuser that is mentally abusive can weave help you? You are more than welcome to call our 24-hour Support and Information at (916)920-2952 to get more information on how WEAVE may assist you. WEAVE considers emotional/mental abuse to be a form of domestic violence. We have legal resources, counseling services, and safe shelter that may be able to assist you. Please call us so that you can learn more about the resources WEAVE offers and whether or not they would be a fit for your particular situation
He has assaulted me three times during my pregnancy (wrestling me to the ground which resulted in a light bulb on a lamp smashing on my ear, and pinning me down to the bed twice and shaking me). He has also been punching walls and threatening to break my GHD hair straighteners which cost me a lot of money. What I don’t understand is how he can do this knowing I am carrying his child. I thought being pregnant would change him but he is as selfish as ever.  Thank you for taking the time to message us as it sounds like you are experiencing a very difficult time right now.  Research has found that violence can increase during pregnancy and after the baby is born as the abusive partner may become jealous of the time and energy spent on the infant. The abusive partner may become upset or feel that their status is threatened by the addition of the baby. It can be a very dangerous and volatile time in a relationship. If you would like more information and help developing a safety plan please look over our website as well as contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We are sorry to hear that you are going through this and please know that you are not alone.
Is it illegal for my husband to take sexually provocative pictures of me while I’m sleeping? I caught him sexting in Jan and told him i want a divorce, we have not been intimate for over a year, (i had health issues) live in separate bedrooms and separate lives. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult situation. Unfortunatley WEAVE cannot provide legal advice through our message board. If you believe your legal rights have been infringed  and you wish to pursue legal action, you may want to contact your local law enforcement agency and consult an attorney. Privacy rights and privacy issues are a complex area of law. WEAVE does not have the legal expertise to fully respond to your inquiry. We do have a 24/7 support and information line that can provide emotional support as well as resources and referrals. That number is 916-920-2952.
 I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and close to the end of our relationship he was being verbal abusive and eventually he hit me. I left right away to my parents’ house and my situation here is not stable.  Is there any way that this program can help me WEVAE offers different programs that may be of assistance to you. WEAVE has legal, housing and counseling resources depending upon the situation. If you would like to call our 24-hour Support and Information Line to discuss the details of your situation so that we can let you know what programs will best meet your needs. Our Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
My marriage was at times abusive a few years ago. Both of us committed domestically violent tendencies since before we were married. We would yell at one another, use derogatory words, and hand bump the head twice. We both went to counseling. My spouse was recommended for anger management and did not go. It was suggested I go to domestic violence program at the first meeting, and I did, and successfully completed it voluntarily. Since then I have gone to counseling to better myself as a spouse and parent, whereas my significant other has not and refuses to do so. We finished a child custody battle, and I lost because I received voluntary treatment for DV and have not shown any tendencies since; yet my spouse received no repercussions for the behavior that still continues. My spouse continues to perpetrate proven lies to our children (even in front of professionals). I continue to receive E-mails that make me feel attacked and emotionally abused. What can I do?  It sounds like you may have more of a legal question that could best be answered by someone at the family court. It may be beneficial to contact your local family court office to determine what resources and options are available to you. If you would like to speak with someone for emotional support you may contact our 24-hour Support Line at (916)920-2952.
 My boyfriend beat mum up real bad there was blood everywhere. At the time we lived in my mum’s house. I thought i was going to die. When i managed to escape i ran to call my mum. Luckily she woke up as he got me and was strangling me. She didn’t go that mad at him or chuck him out. The next day my boyfriend got his son from another partner to mine. I couldn’t believe he could beat me up and bring his child to my mums and not worry he seen my messed up face. I had no confidence as it was. I was always flinching and scared it would happen again and my boyfriend would guilt trip me saying I’m outside police station I’ll hand myself in before you ring police and that he will lose his job and his son. Do i want that and for some reason i said no. 2 months on i struggle to get over it but i stayed with him then fell pregnant. I don’t believe in abortions so i kept the baby. My boyfriend started being so nice, doing everything for me. As soon as i was having her he changed did not care about me only the baby. Then we went home he began to control how i was with our baby i couldn’t do things my way as he’d start shouting and i got scared. Then when she turned 3 months i would rather put my foot down and argue and be scared to say i know what our baby wants so I’m doing it. He then slowly started getting violent again. Putting me down, we’d argue he threw a daughter’s pram, my phone a lot. Then my daughter was 3 and half months. I finally said we’re not going to work i don’t want to be with you. I sat there calmly as he was shouting then i said I’m sorry. But i don’t want to be with you. He hit the ceiling light it flew and smashed to pieces: the lamp shade, bulb, and the bit the bulb holds into. I went to bring police as i regretted never doing it before and knew right then he’ll never change he had anger problems. But now we also had our baby caught in the middle she was in pram next to him while it was happening as he was going to take her away from me. He then started grabbing i was getting scared crying screaming no, he hurt my arm so i handed my phone to him in case he really hurt me again. He then threw my phone at wall just past the pram. I knew then he didn’t even think twice if the phone hit our baby. I weirdly starting being nice so he’d think i was ok with him and i said I’d  think about giving him another chance so i knew he would go as he had work. I sat there ringing family and friends to get someone to be with me while i rang police but everyone was too busy and told me either don’t ring them as our daughter needs his dad just give him one more chance or ring them but i was too worried to in case the police didn’t think it was serious and I’m a bit anxious.  I was too nervous to do it all on my own. It’s been nearly 2 weeks since that happened. I haven’t gotten back with him. I let him see our daughter on his days off. I’m too worried to let him have her over night or all weekend as he wants. I’m now stuck where i feel so much regret for not ringing the police. And it’s like he’s getting away with treating women this way.

 

It sounds like it has been a difficult situation for you for a while. It can be hard to get the support you need from friends and family who do not understand the dynamics in a domestic violence relationship. It may be helpful to call the 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor and get emotional support.  If you would like to contact us please call (916)920-2952
About a year ago my ex physically assaulted me and threatened me. We were together for 3 years and have a kid together. He emotionally was abusive constantly putting me down and telling me how no one would ever want me and how ugly i am. Even though i finally left the bad situation i still can’t seem to get over it. I am over him and have no feelings towards him of wanting him back but I’m not over what has happened (if that makes sense). I constantly remember everything negative he has said and i find it hard to move forward, the thought of dating another guy and even having him touch me scares and disgusts me. I was wondering if anyone else had had this problem and how they move past it since it has already been a year. It can take time to move on from an abusive relationship and the trauma you experienced. The healing time can look different for each person. Talking with a counselor may be helpful for you as you move forward with your life. A counselor can help not only process feelings but can help provide additional coping skills. If you would like to receive more information regarding WEAVE counseling or referrals within the community you are welcome to contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
A man called WEAVE, a domestic violence service-provider, and was told WEAVE did not accept men.  This person and his daughter returned to their house and the violence continued. I am sorry to hear that this person was unable to receive shelter with WEAVE.  Each person who calls the Support Line to request shelter is given a screening.   If he has questions regarding his screening and why it was determined that we were not the appropriate placement for him he is welcome to call the Support Line to get clarity. We may also be able to provide him with additional referrals. Due to confidentiality we are unable to provide specifics on the message board.
If a client tells their therapist that their alcoholic husband shreds their clothes, would that fall under the category of mandatory reporting? Therapists are mandated to report suspected child abuse, elder, dependent adult abuse, threats to harm self or others.  It may be helpful to speak with your therapist about your concerns and questions regarding their mandates to report.
My husband does not want me to live in his house which he bought under his name. I love him very much and would want to move in the house which is in Massachusetts. Can i legally stay in the house even if he drives me out and threatens me to call the police if i do so? We are still married. Unfortunately we are not able to provide legal advice. It may be best to contact the family court house or an attorney in Massachusetts to get more information regarding your legal options.
He has assaulted me three times during my pregnancy (wrestling me to the ground which resulted in a light bulb on a lamp smashing on my ear, and pinning me down to the bed twice and shaking me). He has also been punching walls and threatening to break my GHD hair straighteners which cost me a lot of money. What I don’t understand is how he can do this knowing I am carrying his child. I thought being pregnant would change him but he is as selfish as ever. Thank you for taking the time to message us as it sounds like you are experiencing a very difficult time right now.  Research has found that violence can increase during pregnancy and after the baby is born as the abusive partner may become jealous of the time and energy spent on the infant. The abusive partner may become upset or feel that their status is threatened by the addition of the baby. It can be a very dangerous and volatile time in a relationship. If you would like more information and help developing a safety plan please look over our website as well as contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We are sorry to hear that you are going through this and please know that you are not alone.
I recently moved in with fiancée. About 1 month after I loved in, he just becomes angry all the time. The smallest thing can set him off. I feel like nothing I do or say is good enough for him. He often criticizes almost everything I do, the TV shows I watch, my curly hair, showing too emotion or affection. He’s constantly yelling. He has grabbed me, pushed me, shakes me, and punches the wall when I try talking to him. He doesn’t like me asking questions. Recently he told me he has had dreams of him putting me in the hospital. Whenever I do try to assert myself, he reminds me of his dreams. I don’t know what happened, how he became this way or what I did wrong. I’m not working right now so I rely on him. I just want to understand why he is this way. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us to share what is happening in your relationship. The change in behavior must be very scary and confusing. It may be helpful to look over our website and contact our 24-hour Support Line to find out more information about the cycle of violence and safety planning. A Support Line counselor can help review options for you and be a listening ear while you process what you are experiencing. For safety it would be best to review our website and call the Support Line when your fiancé is not home.  A Support Line counselor can be reached 24-hours a day by calling (916)920-2952.
Do you have a Safe house?
Does it cost Anything
WEAVE does have a safehouse for victims escaping domestic violence. There is no cost for staying in our safehouse. If someone was interested in coming into our safehouse the first step would be calling our support and information line at 916-920-2952 to do a safehouse screening
me and my daughters father into an argument and I had my mother come and get her before she woke up.well mpm called cps and she was taken from him and I, we have kept sober gone to all classes, but we are fighting again right as she is coming home due to him drinking again. can I still try and get her back? by myself and how? This would be a good question for your case worker from CPS. I would imagine it would be ok to try and get her back by yourself especially if he is drinking again and that would be putting your child in an unsafe environment. I would definitely let your case worker know so that they can support you in keeping your daughter safe. If you need any resources and or referrals you can call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.
My daughter’s boyfriend went off with my niece they were more like sisters so it really upset her but she’s had more trouble of them they’ve reported her to police for things there made up he’s hit her when nobody’s being there I was with her when he tried to bite her nose but she was scared to tell police but then he hit and spat at her and tried to choke her so then she told the police I was just wondering if he goes to court what sentence could he get just so she could sleep at night and her children wouldn’t be scared  For any questions regarding sentencing and legal questions I would suggest you call the District Attorney’s office at 874-5701. Another great resource while going through the court process is the  “Victim witness assistance center”  they can be a great source of support and they also help explain the court process and give you an idea on what to expect. Their number is 874-5701. I would suggest for her to get a restraining order for her and her kids if she feels unsafe.
If Im told not to come home and the locks are changed I call the police for help Yes you can call your local law enforcement agency to do a “standby” to assist in retrieving your belongings if that is something you want to do. I’m not sure the details of your situation so it hard to let you know what your options are but you can call our support and information line to talk with a counselor that can assist you in knowing what your options are. The number is 916-920-2952. The only thing I can suggest is that if your home is not a safe place right now to find a safe place to stay temporarily such as a friends or family member’s house until you can figure out what your next best option is. I’m sorry you are having to deal with such a stressful situation.
I don’t know if I’m in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend has never hit me before but he has pushed me once or twice and has grabbed my wrist a few times. Some times his anger gets so out of control he throws things, he gets very close to my face, and some times he backs me up against a wall from getting so close to me and yelling. I try to stay calm but nothing I say helps him, it only seems to make it worse. I feel like some times he tries to scare me like that on purpose. Is that abuse or does he just have a terrible temper? From what you’re describing that does sound like domestic violence. It sounds like an exhausting and scary relationship to be in and I am sorry you have had to be the subject of his abuse. We have a 24/7 support and information line you can call at 916-920-2952. This line has available counselors to talk to that can assist in safety planning and give you resources that can help your situation. For example counseling can be a great resource and give you a safe person to talk to about how your feeling. The support and information line can give you details about WEAVE’s counseling as well as other counseling referrals. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be in a safe relationship.
My boyfriends’ mother is a 66 year old woman who drinks heavily and is claiming that her husband kicked her a couple of days ago. She has been having extreme dizzy spells and has gone to her doctor for an MRI which shows nothing. She fell and hit her head last Thursday night and states she hit her head a couple of nights ago also and had a large loss of blood. She states that she woke up to lying on the floor with her husband (age 79) kicking her in the back and side… We went over there last evening to see what the situation felt like and she looked awful. She kept looking to him for him to tell her when she worked last, how many times she fell, etc. and while he appeared to be the caring husband something rang false with me.
The house is a huge mess (which I have never seen before) with baking soda all over areas of the carpet because the dogs have been urinating in the house and the husband is doing nothing to clean them up while the wife is ill.She doesn’t want to get him in any trouble and when I attempted to contact her doctor of Internal Medicine whom she just saw last Friday afternoon, I was told that as a non-family member they cannot allow me to send an e-mail or message on her behalf to her physician.What can I do on my part? My boyfriend seems hesitant to act as he has difficulty with his mothers’ drinking in believing her but I feel that she should be examined and asked questions privately by her doctor. Aren’t they legally obligated to report when they suspect physical abuse of some is going on?
  I am so sorry to hear that is going on for you and your boyfriend’s mom. You are correct that health care providers are mandated reporters of domestic violence as well as elder abuse. The violence you describe is both elder abuse and domestic violence due to her age. Elder abuse is for anyone ages 65 and over. If you would like to call Adult Protective Services to file a report their number is (916) 874-9377. I believe that you can file an anonymous report. If you would like us to file a report for you then you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you have concerns for her safety you may also call local law enforcement and ask that they do a welfare check.
I have no access to funds or a printer. I finally managed to get to the family court services court house. I got there only to be told that they NO longer provide copies of forms. So my question is where can I get a divorce packet for free? I dont need help filling it out. I just need the packet. Can anyone provide it or drop it off to me at work? WEAVE offers a divorce part 1 workshop twice a month for individuals who want to start a divorce in Sacramento County. At the workshop, you will learn how to prepare and file the initial paperwork to open a divorce case. The paperwork is made available to those who are participating in the workshop. The workshop is free.
WEAVE’s Divorce Part 1 Workshop.
Every 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30p.m. to 7:30p.m.
Every 4th Thursday of the month from 3:00p.m. to 5:00p.m.
Both workshops are held at 1900 K street in Sacramento

The Family courthouse offers a workshop to help you prepare and file a domestic violence restraining order. The paperwork is made available to those participating in the workshop. This workshop is offered every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:30a.m. The family courthouse is located at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento.
You may wish to visit your local public library for internet access.
Keep in mind that the court process is a difficult one. It may require a significant time commitment as well as a significant emotional and financial investment.
 

when you go to a shelter for domestic violence what do you do about your lease and all of your belongings? We do not live together but he has kicked in almost every door and its not safe. Its getting worse and worse. I was just slammed on my stomach, pushed, and kicked and I am about 4 months pregnant. I have 3 children who have witnessed too much and I want to leave but I dont want to lose everything especially things that belonged to my son who passed away or my childrens things. This is already hard enough . I would hate for them to lose everything and things associated with good memories or that hold sentimental value. I know this may sound vain considering the circumstances but I just want to know. How does one plan for this or does it usually entail just walking away with nothing?`

Regarding your lease there is a law that allows victims to break their lease to escape violence. This law may protect you from being charged additional rent or fees once you move out. You would need a police report, restraining order, or an emergency protective order. To use this law you must notify your landlord in writing that you were a victim of domestic violence and you want to end your rental agreement. Be sure to date the notice. Here is a sample letter:
Dear (Lanlord’s name)
I am a tenant at (your address). I am a victim of domestic violence within the last 60 days. Pursuant to new changes to the California Civil Code, this is my 30 daynotice that I will end my rental agreement on _____________(enter a date 30 days from today).
I have enclosed (chose one) *cpy of my restraining order * or copy of a police report * showing that I was the victim of an act of domestic violence.
Sincerely,
(your name and address) As far as your belongings go I would make safe arrangements to get your stuff. You could call law enforcement and ask if they can do a “stand by” and be there while you pick up your stuff. It is important to get important documents and or belongings. You might want to consider a storage unit or a friends or relatives place if you do not have a place to go that has room for all of your belongings. It is not vain to want to ‘keep sake” important items especially your sons stuff that passed away. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this violence especially while pregnant. WEAVE has a support and information line that can help you safety plan, give you resources, as well as support you through this very difficult process. The number is 916-920-2952.

I’m wondering if my case is a case from Domestic Violence. It all started 10 years ago with bad words to offend me, he took me away from family and friends at first i didn’t see it wrong but now i can’t go out, can’t have friends and when i do talk to family members is to be arguing and I’m actually afraid of doing something to upset him. He hasn’t hit me only once and it was kind of my fault but he hasn’t hit me since. My children aren’t allow to go out neither once we know his coming home, we all come inside and we’re not allow to go to the backyard and if he finds out my kids we’re outside is to be fighting again . I want to leave but without anyone or a job or a car I don’t know what to do maybe i’m just exaggerating but please give some advise because I don’t think I can take it anymore specially when he comes drunk and wants to have sex I don’t say no because I don’t want to fight but I just can’t have sex with someone who just told me i’m worth nothing and then wants to have sex. I am sorry for what you must be going through. It must be so difficult to not have any support and to be dealing with this all alone. It is never ok for another person to hit you or have sex with you when you do not want to. It is not only not ok it’s against the law. If you are unsafe and need somewhere safe stay WEAVE does have a safe house when escaping a violent environment. If you wanted to start that process you would call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 to start the screening process. You can also call WEAVE’s support line to do safety planning whether you are staying or leaving. Our Support and Information line can also give you numbers to other shelters and resources as well as offer emotional support. I don’t feel like you are exagerating you deserve to be treated with respect and care and without control or abuse. Great job reaching out for help I encourage you to continue to do that.
I am a mom of 4 I have 2 100% and 2 for summer vacation. I have a DV restraining order and court on the 11 of july. I am not on the lease here and have to move. Im trying to move before hes able to come back. Are there any income based housing opportunities? Or would we have to stay in a shelter first? I need help and support! There are many resources that can be helpful in your situation. You can get them by calling our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. The counselor on the phone can ask you specific questions so that you get the resource that is right for you. Counseling can also be a good support for you. WEAVE also has counseling, the support line can also give you details about accessing our counseling services.
what if both partners have some of the characteristics of domestic violence but yet they both blame the other partner ? Relationships can already be very complicated but if both parties are becoming violent then more important than who’s to blame is who is open to getting help. It can help for each person to go for individual counseling to have a safe place to talk about what’s going on for them and discuss how to have a healthy relationship.  Your welcome to call out 24/hour support and information line for support and information/resources the number is 916-920-2952.
How to help my step daughter stay a way from her boyfriend who keeps stateng her. She says i know ok we i will never talk to him again than 3 days later she is over there again now he wants her to move or of state It can be very difficult to support loved ones that are in a domestic violent relationship because we can not make things better for them. We can only give them options, love, and support them as they make their choices. I would give her information on the domestic violence center in her county in case she would like to access their services. She is welcome to call out 24/hour support and information line for support and information/resources the number is 916-920-2952. I would encourage you to have someone you can talk to about your feelings about your step daughter’s situation because I know it is difficult to love someone in a situation such as hers. If your step daughter is someone underage of course there are more legal options you may have in keeping your daughter safe.
Daughter has custody of daughter. He h a d a warrant issued for a r r
for her arrest in WA Saying she took kids out of a state devorce being h a n d l e d C A
H E IS ABUSIVE
Child custody issues are affected by many factors including the county of residence.  If your situation is in Sacramento County, California, call our Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 for more information about Legal Workshops and services.  If outside the Sacramento County area, contact the local domestic violence program.
I have been a victim of a domestic abuse and violence, my son has been brain washed by his partnel grand parents and his dad. I would like to know how I can protect myself and my son without going through court because I have done that before and threats from my husband and in laws made me drop the case One option is going through the courts and bringing with you any form of their threats. For example text messages, emails ect. Maybe talking to an attorney about what your rights an options are. Counseling can be an optioin so that you and or your son have a safe place to talk about what is going on. WEAVE offers counseling. To access our counseling services WEAVE provides a free triage session at one of our two locations, 1900 K St and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. The triage appointments are first come, first served and to find out more information regarding triage I would encourage you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The triage times at K St are Tues and Thur from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm Triage times at 7600 Hospital Drive are Mondays from 4p-7pm. WEAVE also has a 24 hour support Line than can offer support and information/resources at 916-920-2952
I’m suffering from abuse from my parents. I’m 22 yrs old, and i’m still being disciplined in an assaulting way. What do i do? My friends told me to come to you for advice or help. I am glad to hear that you are talking about the abuse to others and reaching out for help.  Abuse can always be reported to Law Enforcement if that is something you want to do. I’m not sure if you have an alternate place to live that would be safer but if so that can be an option for example family members, friends ect. Counseling can be another good thing to look into. I would imagine that what you are going through is painful and scary and a counselor can be a safe person to talk about your feelings. WEAVE offers counseling. To access our counseling services WEAVE provides a free triage session at one of our two locations, 1900 K St and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. The triage appointments are first come, first served and to find out more information regarding triage I would encourage you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The triage times at K St are Tues and Thur from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm Triage times at 7600 Hospital Drive are Mondays from 4p-7pm. WEAVE also has a 24 hour support Line than can offer support and assistance with safety planning the number is 916-920-2952.
do you have a list of things that a women needs to think about in preparation for leaving an abusive husband and living situation? documents and stuff….I tried searching but nothing came up… Knowing what documents to gather is an important tool in preparing to leave an abusive relationship. On our website under the “Domestic Violence” tab there is an “information” option. Click on the “information” tab and you will then be directed to a page that lists the cycle of violence and safety planning. Please click on the “safety plan” option and a list of important documents and other steps will be listed. You may also contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor regarding a safety plan  that will work for your specific situation and this can include what paperwork to gather. 

I’m a mother of a 5 year old and I 10 month old, I’ve been with their father for over 5 years I’ve endured so much in this relationship but have been so confused on what to do, I have tried to leave to go visit family but my kids father has prevented me from doing so by threatening to call the police to say I kidnapped the kids, I have no license or car and live out in the middle of nowhere, my question is what are my options because my girls and I are so confined with no vehicle is there a program that could help with getting me
and My girls out without conflict. We have never been physically harmed, its hard for me to admit but its all emotional and being confined the only way I could ever leave is if I left my girls behind then their dad would help me leave but I will never leave my girls ever, I just want to know if I have any options all I want is to get sometime away to maybe see family on the east coast but we are pretty much trapped
Isolation can be a very scary thing and it is a tool that abusers use to keep their partners from getting help. Using the children as a way to keep you in the relationship is also a common. I would encourage you to contact the Support Line for more information on an individual safety plan and resources. It may also be helpful for you to speak with a counselor for emotional support. Please contact us at (916)920-2952.
I do not have much money and am looking for a free Battered Women’s
Support Group to attend – I’ve been going to Al-Anon but I don’t think they are where I need to be right now . . I live in West Sacramento . . but am looking in the Sacramento area for a group . . Does WEAVE have support groups? If so, where is the schedule on the website? Thank you
WEAVE offers group counseling on a sliding scale fee based on income. The lowest price is $10 per group. To access our counseling services WEAVE provides a free triage session at one of our two locations, 1900 K St and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. The triage appointments are first come, first served and to find out more information regarding triage I would encourage you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The triage times at K St are Tues and Thur from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm Triage times at 7600 Hospital Drive are Mondays from 4p-7pm. The groups are offered at various times and during the triage session, the counselor will ask for your availability and assist with scheduling you a group based upon group space and your availability.
My husband and I are always fighting like this past Sunday he
almost killed me he says he will never do it but i know he will .. I don’t know what else to do..we have two kids at the home I’ve been through this before and now again i guess its just me..
It sounds like you are having a really difficult time right now and that the situation is getting more dangerous. You are more than welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor. The counselor will not only be able to provide you with emotional support but can help you develop a safety plan for you and your children. It may also be helpful to speak with a Support Line counselor to see what resources may be available for you.

if you ask a man not to touch you and he does anyway (someone you are in a relationship with), does he have the right to touch me anyway? And if he does, and I slap his hand away, does that mean I am the abuser? I ask because he hit me and he says it was in response to me slapping his hand away. This is not the only incident I have had with him and this frightens me…the first one was several months ago. I am not sure what to think at this point. I know men should never hit a woman, but he thinks it is OK because I slapped his hand away first…even though I made it very clear to him that I didn’t want him touching me.

 

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us with your questions. From what you describe it sounds like you tried to set a boundary with your partner regarding your personal space and that you told him you did not want to be touched. Without knowing all of the specifics, it does not sound like you were abusive. It may be helpful for you to speak with a counselor to get more information on a safety plan and support regarding your individual situation. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line may be reached at (916)920-2952.
My daughter is in her third abusive relationship, 2 or them were
marriages that ended in divorce. In the latest divorce, she lost custody of her 3 children. After asking for and ignoring help and advice from all family members and friends, we are all at our wits end. She is in denial – Thursday night her current boyfriend physically assaulted her and she has a concussion. Of course, she will not report it. I cannot deal with it anymore, nor can her sister and 2 older children. She is also addicted to prescription drugs, which she denies. I want to help her, but with no health insurance and no money, she cannot afford a fancy rehab facility, nor can I. Where can she got for free drug rehab, counseling on abuse, 12-step programs, detox, etc.? Please help!!!
I am sorry to hear that you and your family are having a difficult time. It can be very hard on family when loved ones are in an abusive relationship and suffering from substance abuse. It can be difficult to find free resources but there are a number of places in Sacramento that offer assistance to individuals with substance abuse some of them are:
Alcohol Drug Prevention Treatment Outreach AOD
3321 Power Inn Road, Suite 20, Sacramento, CA 95826 map
Ph. (916) 874-9754 Hours: Walk-ins Mon. – Fri. 8:00 a.m. and 12:30 p.m.
Subsidized outpatient drug and alcohol rehab treatment program referrals to 18 and over with ID and proof of residency. Begin here for subsidized (free) outpatient drug-alcohol treatment services.
_________________________________________
Clean and Sober Program
1321 North C Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 map
Ph. (916) 498-0331 Mon. – Fri. 9:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Alcohol & Drug Outpatient Counseling and Recovery. No one is turned away because he or she lacks financial resources.
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Del Paso Heights Neighborhood Service Center
3970 Research Drive, Sacramento, CA 95838 map
Ph. (916) 648-0366
Usually assists families through the cal works program. Accepts Medi-cal and people with no insurance. Drug and alcohol services including assessment, outpatient treatment.
You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for additional resources and information. You may find that it is beneficial for you to talk with a counselor for emotional support.
 
Hello – I would like to find a group therapy session in Sacramentoor Yolo county for victims of domestic violence – my husband is an abuser,
I’m working to try to get $ together to move out, but in the mean time I need some help to keep me sane; I don’t have much money . . any suggests? Thank you
 
Thank you for reaching out to us for support and information concerning counseling options. WEAVE offers a 15 week group counseling at different times of the day on a sliding scale. To access our counseling services we offer triage counseling at various times throughout the week. WEAVE has two counseling locations, 1900 K Street and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I in South Sacramento. The triage hours for 1900 K Street are Tuesdays and Thursdays 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. The Triage hours for 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I are Mondays from 4p-7p. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 should you need more information.
 
What if you have tried everything but nothing works and all the
people that say they are willing to help don’t help. I read all the stories
and I can’t help but wonder how you got so much help but I can’t get any.
 
I am sorry to hear that it has been difficult for you to access services. We understand that each situation is different and the resources and referrals may be different for each person. You are more than welcome to give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to discuss your situation and see what resources may be available to assist you.

My boyfriends mom has 4 kids (20, 14, 3, and 1). The 20 year old ismy boyfriend. The 14 year old and my boyfriend live with their dad’s grandparents because of previous cps charges. Us three worry about their mom so much because the dad is psychologically abusive. He is a terrible person! I don’t think I’ve ever seen him sober. He ALWAYS has a beer in his hand. He
doesn’t help watch the two little kids and gets mad when he has to hold the youngest or while she goes to the bathroom. He goes on random rants and thinks very highly of himself. He yells at her and makes her feel like she’s
worthless. She’s not allowed to go anywhere or do anything except watch the kids. The mom, my boyfriend, and the 14 year old all want him dead. He smokes weed every day. She’s not allowed to see her parents nor are the kids allowed
to see their grandparents on her side until her dad dies. Last weekend he actually got physical with her and the 14 year d stepped in and hit him 3
times in the head. He’s one of those crazy controlling people that would actually kill his family if they try to leave him. She’s needs help and needs out of there ASAP. They get help from welfare and because he flies a sign on the side of the street because he’s too mentally “crazy” to get a job however she’s not allowed to get a job. She is stuck!! :(

 

It sounds like you are really worried about your boyfriend’s mom and siblings. It does sound like a difficult situation. If you suspect that there is current child abuse occurring you or your boyfriend are able to make an anonymous report to CPS. You can call CPS at (916)247-5437. It is good that your boyfriend and his 14 year old brother are in a safe place. You can also give your boyfriend’s mom our 24 hour Information and Support Line number (916)920-2952 and she is more than welcome to call us to review her options and create a safety plan specific to her and her situation. You too are more than welcome to call us for support.
My story is quite different. I secretly dated a priest for 3
years. He promised marriage. Well I spoke up told church officials about our relationship. He was removed. Of course then he begged me to move in
with him. I did. That is when his true side came alive. It started on vacation in a hotel room. Then when we lived together for seven months it happened five times. He would put his hands around my neck shake me pull my hair twist my a throw things at me. Never not once did he ever say he was sorry. What does that mean??? His abuse always occurred when I would confront him on a lie or something deceitful he did. Yes this is a man who clad now that I left him he wants to go back to being a catholic priest. The same man that told me when I got pregnant that he could not be the father but would be the godfather and giver a discount on catholic education. I feel not only was I physically abused I feel emotionally abused. ??????? Please reply.

 
Thank you for reaching out for support. It sounds like your situation may have left you feeling isolated and confused regarding his position within the community and church. Abusive partners can be anyone regardless of their job, faith, or social status. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual. If you have not done so already I would encourage you to contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a trained counselor. Contact the Support Line can give you the opportunity to speak with someone regarding your experience and gain more information regarding the types of abuse and the cycle of violence that occurs within abusive relationships. You might find that although your partner was a priest, the abuse and manipulation in your relationship may mirror that of other peoples- thus helping you feel less alone. Our Support Line number is (916) 920-2952. Thank you again for taking the time to reach out to us.
Is my wife cheating if she tells me she wants a chance to go out and party because she married me too young It sounds like you may need or want to speak with someone regarding what is going on at home. Please contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. It may be helpful to process your emotions and questions with a Support Line Counselor.
Reading this message board has brought back so many tragic, sad
memories. I just want to tell the women who read this that you can get free
and live a stable, peaceful life. In Nov. 1993, I left my abuser, taking my
small children with me. With every step I took, I wondered if I had the
strength to do it, and I felt so afraid. I got a job, rented a house, got a
lawyer, attended counseling, took my children to counseling, and finally,
after two years of struggle, got a divorce. He continued to threaten and
frighten, but I grew stronger at recognizing his abuse and holding the line
against it. I am not saying it’s easy, but it is so worth it. My children
have grown up in a stable, peaceful home since I left their father. There
father’s time with them was limited by the court to 10 hours a week, and he
rarely spent that much time with them. Financially it was hard, and I still work 3 jobs to make ends meet, but it was worth it for the love, peace and stability in our lives. It’s normal to be afraid and fear that you don’t have
the strength. WEAVE will help you work through it. Other women who’ve been through the same things will help you. You and your children do not deserve
abuse. You can have a peaceful life, whether or not it seems possible right
now. God bless and help you. You’ll find strength that you didn’t know you
had, once you begin to disentangle yourself from your abuser’s life.
Thank you so much for taking the time to not only share your story and your message of hope for others facing similar experiences. Your words of hope and experience are a powerful reminder to individuals grappling with the difficult decision to stay or leave an abusive relationship. Thank you again for contacting us and providing words of hope to others. We wish you all the best as you continue your journey.
how can I end a relationship without guy going jail and myself losing my place live?
 
If you are not wanting to loose the place where you live due to a domestic violence situation you can call our 24 hour supportline at 916-920-2952 and a counselor can go over your options and provide information and resources that you may need. They can also go over safety planning with you. As far as having any control on whether the guy goes to jail or not it may depend on the circumstances but you can definitely discuss this with the supportline counselor.
 
Can a family member report violence in a marriage to have proof and to save the children from being sent to the husbands family Yes you can report violence at any time either with the local law enforcement angency where the abuse is happening or with CPS. The number to CPS is 875-5437. I don’t know if reporting would prevent children from being sent to husbands family but it could open the doors for the victims in this situation to get help and or resources. If you would like additinal resources and information WEAVE has a 24hours support and information line that can help the number is 916-920-2952. They can also assist in safety planning.
need help finding domestic counseling ? Most counties have a local domestic violence center and some may offer counseling. Since I do not know what county you are from you can call the National Domestic Violence center at 1800-799-7233. They can help you find the closest domestic violence center to you. There are also many private therapists and counselors not working out of a domestic violence center that may have experience in working with domestic counseling. The yellow pages or the internet may be a good place to look. WEAVE is a domestic violence center in Sacramento and we do offer counseling on a sliding scale. If you are interested you may go to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
Reading this message board has brought back so many tragic, sad memories. I just want to tell the women who read this that you can get free and live a stable, peaceful life. In Nov. 1993, I left my abuser, taking my small children with me. With every step I took, I wondered if I had the strength to do it, and I felt so afraid. I got a job, rented a house, got a lawyer, attended counseling, took my children to counseling, and finally, after two years of struggle, got a divorce. He continued to threaten and frighten, but I grew stronger at recognizing his abuse and holding the line against it. I am not saying it’s easy, but it is so worth it. My children have grown up in a stable, peaceful home since I left their father. There father’s time with them was limited by the court to 10 hours a week, and he rarely spent that much time with them. Financially it was hard, and I still work 3 jobs to make ends meet, but it was worth it for the love, peace and
stability in our lives. It’s normal to be afraid and fear that you don’t have the strength. WEAVE will help you work through it. Other women who’ve been through the same things will help you. You and your children do not deserve abuse. You can have a peaceful life, whether or not it seems possible right now. God bless and help you. You’ll find strength that you didn’t know you had, once you begin to disentangle yourself from your abuser’s life.
 
Thank You for sharing your story.
Tengo 8 anos de relacion con mi pareja y padre de mis dos hijos eh
pasado por muchas cosas pero siempre me quedo callada y tengo a mis papas
pero no tengo la cara para decirles que esta pasando en mi relacion por que
no quiero que lo miren mal al final del dia el nunca va a dejar de ser el
papa de mi hija y mi hijo yo no le tengo confianza y el tampoco a mi no
tenemos comunicacion como pareja y la verdad que ya no se ni porque oh para
que estoy con el no se que hacer me siento muy confundida y necesito ayuda
pero no se como hacerle porque ahorita no trabajo no voy a la escuela y no
ago nada porque el piensa que yo ando de mirando con quien andar oh con quien
divertirme y no se si irme porque el es el que se encarga de nosotros casa
dinero comida y basicamente todo me siento muy confundida nos emos dejado dos
veces y nuestra familia se a enterado pero siempre regreso con el no se que
hacer
Gracias por compartir tu experiencia con nosotros. No estas sola y nosotros te podemos ayudar a entender tu experiencia através de nuestros servicios de consejera los cuales puedes comenzar viniendo a nuestro asesoramiento (En Español) los Jueves de 10 a 1 de la tarde en el 1900 K street Sacramento, CA 95811, o los Lunes de 4 a 7 de la tarde en el 7600 hospital drive Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823. Si solo deseas hablar con alguien por teléfono puedes llamar a nuestra línea de apoyo las 24 horas al día al (916) 920-2952.

Hi. I have been married for almost 24 years. During the first 18 years I had things thrown at me, I was kicked, punched, shoved and pinched – however – I never had any broken bones/injuries nor did I ever end up in a hospital. One time I was given a “veiled threat” about my life and then my husband proceeded to get out a gun and load it. I have also heard repeatedly that I am a terrible wife and mother. I have been cussed out many times. I have been called every ugly name possible. After 18 years I pursued a divorce but stopped. My husband was remorseful and wanted to reconcile so I did. That was 6 years ago. The first 9 months were different but slowly over time, things seem to be returning to the way it was. He has continued to speak harshly and hurtfully to me on a regular basis. There have been 2 physical incidences – one being last month – a twisting pinch which left a bruise. My question is Does what has happened and is happening now, sound like abuse to you? I need an objective opinion. I have been in it so long that it’s all very normal to me – and actually better than it used to be – but my friends have said that it’s not normal – but maybe I have somehow misrepresented my situation or they just know me personally and care too much. I am weary, but when he is not angry he can be nice. So I am wrestling because right now he is being nice. I am desperate for objective advice. Thank you.

 

Thank you for taking the time to write to us and share your story. It sounds like it has been a difficult experience and what you describe does sound like domestic violence. There does not need to be broken bones to define a relationship as abusive. The various things you describe such as the name calling, throwing things, emotional abuse, pinching, all fall within abusive behavior. It can be confusing to have periods of kindness mixed in with the abusive. This behavior is also normal and is something we describe as the honeymoon (false honeymoon period) in the cycle of violence. The cycle of violence is described as having three stages. The first stage is the tension building stage and can often be described as walking on eggshells and doing everything possible to not cause a fight or disturbance. The second stage is the explosion stage. This is when the fighting can occur and can manifest itself in different ways including name calling, physical violence, throwing things, etc. The final stage is the honeymoon stage (or what we call the false honeymoon stage) where there might be apologies and periods of kindness. It sounds like you have some friends who are worried about you and who can see that his behavior is not normal. Please know that you can call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line for more information and support. Our Support Line number is (916)920-2952. Thank you again for taking the time to let us know how you are doing.
As a victim of domestic violence, do I have any rights to make my
husband move out of the home? My 88 year old mother lives with us, I’m her
primary care giver . . and just packing up and leaving with her is virtually
impossible; I’ve asked him to leave even temporarily and he won’t as he’s
convinced I’ll have an affair the minute he walks away-can you provide me
with any advise? Thank you
Calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 will provide you with support regarding your abusive relationship. You will also be able to get information about how to go about setting up a safety plan so you and your mother can be safe in the midst of the abuse. Contact your local law enforcement regarding legal options you may consider to provide a safe environment for you and your mother.
   
   
How can I help my daughter? She has a newborn baby and the father has been violent with her. CPS is involved. She is living with me how do I make sure he stays away from our house while I am not home? Is it ever helpful to talk with him to encourage him to get help? Can I get restraining order? Is there help for family members so we can set healthy boundaries and still treat others with respect? It can be difficult to ensure that he is not around when you are away from the house. Your family can file for a restraining order and you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for information on filing a restraining order and getting a safety plan. It may be difficult to set boundaries with him if he is violent. Calling our Support Line can help not only with the safety plan but also ways to address healthy boundaries and share what it is like to be parent of someone going through domestic violence.
I lost my Mum Xmas Day 2009 and since then I like to have a drink,
basically I cant come to terms of losing my MUm…past 4 yrs my husband has
beaten me down, phsyically and emotionally..the past 2 wks ago he beat me
down that bad that he kicked me and made a 3 inch tear on my
kidney………..I have pictures and dr’s notes,can I move on and press
charges ?
I am sorry to hear about your loss. This is a good opportunity to reach out for support so you will have an avenue to process your grief and loss of someone that appears to have been a very important person in your life. Calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 can provide a contact where you can share both your loss and aspects of your abusive relationship that obviously are impacting your life. The Support and Information Line can also help you to make a safety plan so you can be proactive in creating a safe environment for yourself as well as developing a strategy for healthy coping skills. You may want to contact your local law enforcement agency where the crime occurred to get accurate information as to your options about pressing charges. Remember to engage in self-care activities as you move through your healing process.
How do i stop loving him and believing that he will change? How can i move on without having to look over my shoulder? Why does it seem like everything’s my fault i chose him i laid with him i had a child with him i chose to move out of my mother’s home a stable safe environment within a month of me knowing him. i have a son from a previous relationship and a child with him i want him to be a part of his life but any time he contacts me to see his son he makes it about us and our relationship why do i have to be with him in order for him to want to see his son I’m so confused i just wish me and my children could find a place to move so he would never be able to find us again Thank you for taking the time to write and let us know what is going on for you. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation and experiencing a lot of confusion regarding your relationship. You ask some very good questions that would take more time and care to further explain than we are able to in an online post. I would encourage you to call our 24-hour Support Line to speak with a counselor that can explore the cycle of domestic violence and the many reasons people stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships. There are shelters and safehouses that may be of assistance to you in and outside of Sacramento County if you are feeling that you are not safe and needing an alternative place to stay. You can call our Support Line at (916)920-2952 to get numbers for shelters that may be of assistance to you and your individual situation. It is common to be feeling conflicted emotion regarding an unhealthy relationship.

 

I was in a 17 year abusive marriage. Where I was not allowed to speak to anyone and my kids thought I was crazy. I got away. I have been away for ten years he was in prison for 5 years during those years my three teenage children developed a relationship, we got along now they are young adults and have kids, my grandchildren. Their dad got out and well he turned them against me. It is bad, I was cursed called so many names that it was like being in that marriage. I am not allowed to have anything to do with my grandkids. I had a tight relationship with all of them (9) total. I am devastated, in shock, hurt and everything else. I feel beaten and I miss the kids. I lived with them for almost two years and I raised the youngest baby, she slept with me and she called me mom. I was like chased out. I was taking care of the kids one day and I brought some things to my daughter’s attention concerning her kids safety and welfare. I don’t want to hurt anyone I just want to be able to see the babies. I want to file for visitation rights. What do you think? I don’t know what to do my daughter is not taking care of her kids. She is dirty and abusive. She is in the process of divorce. I am concerned about two of her young kids. They don’t play like other kids. The boy is molesting his sister or vice versa. I suspect that someone is or was molesting them both. My daughter did not do anything about it but throw me out. I am afraid that if I report it to an agency that she will lose the kids to the system.


It sounds like you are having a really difficult time right now being separated from your grandchildren. It is understandable that you are feeling devastated and hurt. It is also sounding like you are concerned about your grandchildren’s safety and calling children’s services might put your mind at ease. It is difficult to know what actions CPS might take regarding the abuse allegations but their job is to look out for the best interests of the children. In regards to filing for visitation it would be best to consult legal counsel. The Sacramento Court House has a self-help center and their information is: William R. Ridgeway Family Relations Courthouse 3341 Power Inn Road Sacramento, CA 95826 Business Hours: 8:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., Monday through Friday (excluding court holidays) 916-875-3400. If you would like to speak with someone over the phone for emotional support and additional referrals you may call our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952
 
   
can my husband be arrested for hitting me in january 2013 I have pictures of the bruises he left on me
 
Spousal abuse is against the law. You can report abuse at any time with your local law enforcement agency. I don’t know if he would be arrested that would be a good question for the reporting law enforcement officer.
I was in a 17 year abusive marriage. Where I was not allowed to
speak to anyone and my kids thought I was crazy. I got away. I have been away for ten years he was in prison for 5 years During those years my three teenage children developed a relationship, we got along now they are young adults and have kids. My grandchildren. Their dad got out and well he turned them against me. It is bad, I was cursed called so many names that It was like being in that marriage. I am not allowed to have anything to do with my
grand kids. I had a tight relationship with all of them (9) total. I am devastated, in shock hurt and everything else. I feel beaten and I miss the kids. I lived with them for almost two years and I raised the youngest baby, she slept with me and she called me mymom. I was like chased out. I was taking care of the kids one day and I brought some things to my daughters attention concerning her kids safety and welfare. I don’t want to hurt anyone I just want to be able to see the babies. I want to file for visitation rights. What do you think?I don’t know what to do my daughter is not taking care of her kids. She is dirty and abusive. She is in the process of divorce. I am concern about two of her young kids. They don’t play like other kids. the boy is molesting his sister or vice versa. I suspect that someone is or was
molesting them both. My daughter did not do anything about it but throw me out. I am afraid that if I report it to an agency that she will loose the
kids to the system.
 
It sounds very devastating to have had such a close relationship with your grandkids and to have that taken away for trying to protect them. I know it can be very scary to report suspected abuse but if you decide to do that the number to CPS is 875-5437. Just as an FYI when reporting suspected abuse the name and information of the person reporting is kept confidential. WEAVE offers a support line that can offer you support and go over possible options you may have. The support line number is 916-920-2952. WEAVE also offers counseling you can access our counseling by coming to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
How do you walk away from a mentally abussive relationship? Lost my job all my family live out of state. My spouse is taking care of me. Feel trapped and depressed all the time. I feel like I’ve become very angry.
 
Many abusive relationships create isolation form support whether that’s a job, family or friends. It is most often very difficult to leave an abusive relationship whether it is physical or mental abuse. It sounds very reasonable to be angry considering what’s going on. It can be very helpful to start to create a support system for yourself whether that’s counseling, talking with friends or joining groups where you feel supportive. WEAVE offers a 24 hour Support and Information Line which can be reached by calling (916)920-2952. The supportline can offer support resources and referrals to helping agencies. WEAVE also offers counseling you can access our counseling by coming to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
 
My husband and I have been married 5 years and been on and off total of 15 years. he’s moved out and back in over the marriage. We have a 4year old. He has called me dumb boring a bitch not a good mother. And throws things around. My son does not see this behavior. And he cheated last year because I didn’t pay enough attention to him. I worked full time and maintaining the family finance. He was a stay at home dad. I accepted him back. Recently he is calling me a bitch again and that im boring and a fing idiot. I am stressed out and feel like I walk on egg shells all the time. I
am a saty at home while he works and have no friends. Why does he do this.He’s depressive and told border line bipolar. Why cant I get up and leave?
 
I am so sorry for all that you must be going through. We recognize that it isn’t always easy to leave a relationship for various reasons. Sometimes because of the children or finances or sometimes it’s because someone has been put down for so long it’s hard to believe they can do it. Sometimes counseling can help work through those factors or barriers. It may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
When I was 6 or 7, my brother who was 10 at the time, sexually assaulted me. He made me think it was a game, until I realized how disgusting the acts were. Knowing I would get help, my brother pulled me aside and held a knife close to me. He made me promise not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I kept my mouth shut. He had a similar incident with my 2 friends, who told on him. He lived in a foster home for a few years and I hardly saw him. I feel like I grew up without a brother. And to make it worse, the neighbors told everyone about the incident, so none of my friends were allowed to play with me. My only “friends” were the Child Protective Service ladies who asked me uncomfortable questions. I was given a label for my brother’s selfish act… it has been almost 10 years since then, and I have nightmares about it. I’m starting to feel bitter towards my brother for my unusual childhood, but I know I should be to blame for not telling anyone. I want to talk to my mom, but I feel like she’ll be mad at me for bringing up the past. I need closure. I need something. Am I wrong to still be upset? What should I do? I’m going crazy here…
It sounds like you are having a difficult time right now and it may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. The nightmares and anger that you are experiencing are common for survivors of childhood molest. Talking with a counselor may be a helpful step in working through the past so that you can feel better in the present. It is important to tell yourself that you are not to blame for the violence. You may not believe it right now but it is still important to tell yourself that it was not your fault. Your brother demonstrated to you at a very young age that he was violent and could hurt you and your friends. You are not to blame; it is not your fault. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
 
   
Hello I really need your help. My aunt has for boys, 14, 12, 9 and 4 one of whom has autism. She married her high school sweet heart 30 years ago. He is emotional abusive in front of our family and has cheated on her several times. She had back surgery last year and has had heath issue since. She went into the hospital this week with a blood clot in her lung. Her Husband dropped of my 4 year old cousin at my home because he said ” He was “F%&^ing done and tired of this S^&*” and need me to watch him until she got out of the hospital and he has “work” so someone need to take him. She had her birthday in the hospital Saturday and he didn’t even visit or take the other boys there. She got out of the hospital today and he came and pick up my 4 year cousin. I didn’t want to let him go. My aunt is unable to drive herself at this time and is on disability. I am sorry to hear that your Aunt is having a difficult time. It sounds like you really care about her and your cousins. It is very nice of you to offer a safe environment for your young cousin while his mother was having surgery. It sounds like you are worried about your Aunt and the children’s wellbeing. If you would like to talk with someone about your concerns and how it feels for you to be witnessing the verbal and emotional abuse you are welcome to call our 24-hour Information and Support Line at (916)920-2952. Your Aunt is also welcome to call us and we can offer her some support and refer to other community resources should she need or want more help.
   

My family says I am in an abusive relationship, but I don’t know if that’s
true. My husband doesn’t hit me or physically hurt me, in fact I don’t
believe he would ever lay a hand on me, but he can be kind of mean. He
doesn’t talk to me much or touch me, ever. Not even a kiss on the cheek. He
sits as far away from me as he can get. He won’t give me any money, and I
have to give him receipts for any money I spend. He says this is so he can
stay on top of our finances, our budget is pretty tight and he doesn’t want
me to spend foolishly. But he won’t ever tell me how much the bills are or
whether they’ve been paid or even how much money he makes or how much we have
in the bank. he says he shouldn’t have to tell me and that if i wasn’t such a
suspicious person and just trusted him we wouldn’t argue so much. If I ask
him about money or tell him I’m lonely and I wish he would hold me, he gets
VERY angry and yells at me. He says nothing’s ever enough to make me happy
and that I’m just an unhappy person who loves to argue. He tells me he wishes
I would just “shut the fuck up and go away” or that he is seriously
reconsidering his decision to stay with me. When he’s angry, he says he can’t
think of any reasons why he should stay with me and that I make him wish he
were dead. But sometimes, every once in a while, he can be very nice. he will
talk about plans he wants to make with me, trips he wants us to go on
together. i dont understand how he can shift positions to such extremes. its
like living with two different people. He says our problems are my fault
because I’m too much of a control freak and that I’m “Little Miss Perfect”
and I think I’m better than everyone else, but I don’t have control of
anything. EVER! And no one knows better than I do that I am absolutely NOT
better than everyone. I make myself crazy trying to figure out what is the
right thing to do, I never know what will make him happy, when I ask him what
he wants he just says he doesn’t care. But if I chose the wrong thing, he
gets mad, so he must care! I don’t understand why he won’t just tell me what
he wants. If he would just say what will make him happy, I would do it. . I
don’t know what I do. I feel like he hates me, I don’t understand why he
stays with me if I make him so angry. I don’t mean to, but it seems like I
always do. Even though I just want to make him happy. How can I fix this? I
just want him to see that I try so hard to be a good wife, I don’t want to
control him or take his money. I just want him to love me and hold me and not
say he’s going to leave all the time. I am so scared and lonely. I don’t know
what’s wrong with me, what am I doing wrong?
I don’t have any health insurance, and I don’t have any money of my own, so
I can’t get counseling, but I’m so upset and confused, I know I should
probably be going. I can’t eat or sleep and I have horrible panic attacks
almost daily. I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ve asked my sister and my
parents if I can stay with them for a few months if I leave my husband, but
they both said no. I don’t have any other family and I don’t really have any
friends and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the last 15 years. I am just
stuck and I feel like I’m drowning in worry. Is there anywhere I can go to
get counseling that isn’t going to cost me $200 an hour? I could never
explain that kind of money loss to him, and I think he would be mad at me if
he found out I was going to counseling. He says we should be able to work out
our problems on our own. But I don’t think we can. Where can I get help? I’m
so tired of feeling like such a loser.
Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us to share what is going on for you at home. It sounds like you are understandably having a difficult time making sense of the hot and cold behaviors your husband is displaying. Often domestic violence is described in regards to physical abuse but domestic violence is more complex than that as emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, and spiritual abuse are all forms of domestic violence. It sounds like you would like to receive counseling services but that the financial difficulties make it difficult to access services. Our counseling department offers counseling on a sliding scale basis and the lowest group counseling starts at $10. We understand that finances and fear regarding spending money without getting caught by the partner are very real concerns. Maybe your friends or family might be able to help pay for your counseling services or bring you to one of our free triage sessions to get more information. We offer free counseling triage services on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11a-1pm and on Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. If you would like to have more information and find it difficult to leave the house to get counseling services you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for assistance the number is (916)920-2952.
   
I have been getting beat on a simi-regular basis for over two years i need to get out! At a woman’s empowerment meeting i was told that you can help. My problem is, i make about 850.00 a month ,and i can pay my rent here of 615 no problem but when i check into apartments. I need to make 2x the rent . I don’t have it. And i have no auto or family or friends to move and all the furniture is mine . I need to move where he does not know where i am. I can do it alone and he has made sure im isolated . The leader of the group and the other lady’s said you can help before he ends up killing me. Can you help me?
 
Your situation sounds really scary. If you are in need of a safe place to stay our 24/7 supportline at 916-920-2952 can help you. They can offer you housing referrals that may be able to help your situation. WEAVE also has a safehouse for persons escaping a violent environment and have nowhere else to go. If you are interested you can call our 24/7 supportline at 916-920-2952 and start the process with our screening intake. WEAVE has many other supportive services for more information you can call our supportline. It takes a lot of courage to leave a scary and or abusive situation, it’s great that your reaching out for help and not doing it alone.
can u help me move from Massachusetts to California to flee from my
ex husband he’s going to kill me I just need help with the funds to get a
plane ticket
 
Unfortunately our agency does not provide that service or have resources for situations like that. You can call your local Law Enforcement agency if he has made threats to your life and or is being abusive. The National DV hotline is 1800-799-7233 if you are interested in finding the domestic violence agency that is closest to you to see if they have any resources that can help.

How can I help my sister get away from her husband? They have been
married over 20 years and they have three children. Their older daughter has
Down syndrome and her two sons are 21 and 16. Her husband is an alcoholic.
He had gone to AA twice and has gone to rehab three times through Kaiser. He
promises to clean up his act, he does for a while. Then she takes him back
and then the drinking starts again. The last separation began 9 months ago
and things have escalated more than ever. She has a court order for him to
stay away from her and he keeps coming to her house, grabbing her hair and
throwing her down then slapping her face and saying “what are you going to
do about it?” When her sons call 911 it takes a couple hours for the
police to come out. The police tell her they can only do something if they
catch him in the act. He has also on several occasions threatened her sons
and tries to pick fights with them. She called me at 3am this morning very
scared and I don’t know what to do! Please help me!

 


 

It is very common for the violence to escalate after someone leaves an abusive relationship. It is good that your sister and her children continue to contact the police each time he is violating the order. It is understandably frustrating and scary that the police are taking a long time to respond. Your sister can contact our 24-hour Support and Information Line with assistance in creating a safety plan and reviewing options available to her including finding safe shelter. Your sister may also call the police department responding to the calls and ask to speak with someone in charge to ask about the late response time and verify that they physical attacks and threats are on record. It is good that your sister has you to lean on and confide in. It can be very difficult for support persons to see their loved ones in a violent relationship and you too are more than welcome to call our 24-hour support line to get additional information and support. We can go over a safety plan with you and your sister over the phone.
   
I was a victim of domestic violence for 2 years..your attorney helped me with divorce paperwork…however, I am STILL waiting..after numerous callbacks to YOU..for my free counseling weeks. WEAVE was supposed to call me when had counselor set up…I have called several times, but I am old and disabled partly from the abuse..and I have given up on being worth anything, if family, friends..my OWN doctor and YOU..will not help me. Since..my own FAMILY has started in…my daughter-in-law, whom I graciously allowd to live
with me whenever my son, she and kids needed it//has pushed and hit me several yimes on my injurred spots when I do not obey :( I turned to my family physician..who has decided without notice to stop my meds based on what SHE says; that I can afford to come in for medication check when cannot. (edited for length)  My grandchildren have been also told I am bad..result..I am alone (edited for length) I was…asked my family for help. NOW they are abusing me on FB, on my cell..AND say I am mentally ill go get help before bother again..and I am sick..asking for help..does ANYBODY care at all? (edited for length) neighbors, family..have turned in my daughter-in-law for abusing my grandchildren..so they moved out several months ago..blaming
me..and will not let me know where they live even. (edited for length) when my abusive husband chased me out of our house 2 weeks after an emergecy hysterectomy. trying to cram pills down my throat. (edited for length) SO I have premanent brain damage because aused, and no one cares to the point of letting it happen:( Please help me..I have not eaten for days, nor can I even come out of apt their abuse so bad..had togive up FB and my cellphone..and I am sick and bedridden :( I know I am whinynow..my loved oes are killing me and society has given them approval..not tried to stop them..or help ME.
 
Regarding finding out about where you are at on the waiting list for counseling you can call our business office at 916-448-2321 and ask. If you are being abused or are in an unsafe environment I encourage you to call the police or Adult Protective Services (if appropriate). The number to APS for Sacramento County is (916) 874-9377. You would need to call the APS number for the county that you live in. WEAVE also offers a 24/7 Support and information line at 916-920-2952 where you can receive support as well as information and referrals.

I have escaped an abusive marriage. I am living in a small town in Northern CA and am trying to move to the Sacramento area to get away from where my ex lives. I do not feel safe in the same town and have been advised that I would receive help to relocate. Unfortunately I am having to quit my job and hope I can find another one. I am a teacher so this could be difficult but I will do my best to make things work. I have a 12 year old daughter who will be coming with me. The courts allowed for her to move with me. My divorce has been brutal and has really taken a toll on my finances. Unfortunately I am losing my house to foreclosure so my credit is affected. I am terrified I have always had excellent credit and now I fear I will not be able to find a rental in a safe neighborhood in the fair oaks/ orangevale area. I have been in contact with the local domestic violence advocate who has offered to help with moving expenses and told me to contact WEAVE. I am wondering what kind of services are available to help me financially until I can find a job to support my daughter and me? Am I eligible for any kind of assistance……help with food, housing costs etc.? I do not receive any child support and have been court ordered to pay spousal support. Life seems so ufair right now……I lived in an abusive home, I escaped, now I have to pay him. I have no choice but to leave the area and take a chance in order to better my life and that of my daughter.

 

What a brave and courageous action you are taking to keep you and your daughter safe. As far as financial help with food or housing costs you can call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 where a counselor is able to give you many resources and referrals for your specific needs. Weave unfortunately does not provide financial assistance but does have many other services such as counseling, legal assistance ect. The 24/7 support line can provide you with information on all of  WEAVE’s services and how to access them as well as support along the way.
One of my parents-the one I (in like 5 hours the one I used to live with) live with hit me,shoved me, AND threw 2 brushes, a blowdryer, screamed “if you don’t get out of my house right now…”, “I will kill you”, and they tried to through a ladder at me. I have to go live with my alcoholic parent now and my brother said that this parent was abusive. I don’t want to live with either of my parents but sadly I don’t have a choice It may seem like you don’t have any choices right now but I encourage you to talk to adults that you trust and let them know what’s going on. Maybe an adult at school or a relative or a friend’s parent. It’s great that you’re writing here and reaching out for help but here are a couple of referrals that can also help: You can always call the Police or Child Protective Services (916-875-5437) when you feel that the environment you are living in is not safe. Here is a couple of hotline numbers specifically for teens: CA Youth Crisis Line 800-843-5200, Diogenes/WIND Youth Services1-800-339-7177, and the Sutter Counseling Center Teen Hotline 916-386-3620. WEAVE also has a 24/7 support line at 920-2952. We are mandated reporters which mean that if you give us specific information about yourself and the abuse we have to make a report to CPS (just as a heads up). It is never ok for anyone to threaten to abuse you or abuse you your options sounds really dangerous and my hopes are that the adults that you choose to talk to help make sure you’re in a safeplace
I have been separated from my husband almost 3 years. The abuse was emotional & verbal & I was so depressed & anxious during the 18 plus years we were together-I couldn’t leave. I believed he would get the kids & I lived in misery & fear. The longer I stayed, the lower my self-esteem went until I began to attend a Bible study & started to hear how much God loved me & the women in the study did too. My depression began to lift & I started to stop being a door mat. I said no when I didn’t want sex-something I’d never done. When I began to get better, he asked for a divorce. I left the house & got an apartment, because he wouldn’t leave. I am safe, but I’m back being depressed with no self esteem. I’m 51 & wondering why I’m not doing better with life. I’m so used to putting on a false face for the world that I don’t think the places I’ve reached out for help really believe there’s anything wrong with me. I’m confused all the time. I am afraid to even hire a lawyer because he doesn’t think we need one. Can I be helped? I survived childhood molestations, a peeping tom, a stalker & rape, but I now feel broken & lost. When I meet other women, like at church, they seem to expect me to be o.k. & moving on with life. Why can’t I do that? I’m just existing. We have a 15 yr old son & a 22 yr old daughter. I have my son half time, but I feel so challenged to be a good parent. The kids seem to have forgotten how their dad was with me. That hurts, but I’ve kind of gotten used to that. Thank you.
 
Thank you for reaching out for help it takes alot of courage. Even though the abuse may be over doesn’t mean the healing process is. Everyone’s healing process is their own and there is no set date for people to feel “normal” again. Sometimes people create a new normal because when something so traumatic happens it changes them forever. That doesn’t mean they can’t have a normal happy fulfilling life it just means that it is never like it never happened. It can be normal for it to take several years to work through trauma and even then it’s an up and down roller coaster of feelings and days you may have. It can feel like you’re going crazy or it can feel like you’re a walking zombie there is a wide range of ways trauma can leave you feeling but even though it doesn’t feel normal it is very normal considering what you have gone through. Others may not understand this process and expect victims to snap out of it but it may be because they don’t understand the process of working through such trauma. That’s why it may be helpful to get some help from professionals that have an expertise in the trauma that you have experienced, whether that is a medical doctor or counselor. WEAVE has a 24/7 supportline you can call for support at 916-920-2952. WEAVE also has counseling that you can access by coming to our counseling triage. Our counseling triage is a one on one assessment with a counselor to determine how we can best meet your needs. We offer triage on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers counseling triage on Tues and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. I hope this helps and please keep reaching out and building your support system.
I currently have a friend who is trying to leave an abusive
relationship. She has two small children with her abuser. She lives outside the Sacramento area. What is the safest way for her to get in touch with you? If I let her use my phone to call you can you do an in take over the phone?
 
To start the process of our safehouse entrance she would need to call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 to do the initial intake screening. It would take at least 45 min. She can also call that same number and talk with one of our counselors that can help her with safety planning for her and her children. I know leaving an abusive relationship can be very scary and stressful for the person that’s leaving as well as their friends that are helping them. I just want to remind you to take care of yourself and find someone you can talk with if you need support. WEAVE has counseling and a 24/7 supportline if you or your friend need someone to talk to.


I have been in a abusive relationship for many years. Too deep to explain
right now. I’m trying to leave, but i don’t want him to follow me. How can i
set up an appointment to meet with someone about gettng out? how can I
schedule an appointment to discuss maybe getting emergency shelter?

I left my abusive marriage over 10 years ago, but our 2 teenage daughters are suffering psychological and verbal abuse. We have a legally binding 50/50
arrangement but what are my options? I cannot just turn a blind eye to what he is doing (no physical abuse, but verbal and manipulation/control/mind
games). My oldest daughter is finally opening up to me and I know how hurt she feels inside. My middle daughter is played as the “good” child and the informant by her father, using the divide and conquer technique. Can you offer suggestions? Thank you for and help now, and for the help the first time around.
Mom J

 Great job being cautious when leaving this relationship. Statistically it is sometimes the most dangerous for a person when leaving an abusive relationship. Sometimes the abuser can feel desperate and become more abusive. In regards to meeting with someone about getting out of the relationship you can always call our support and information line. Our support and information line gives you access to a live counselor 24/7 to provide you with emotional support information and resources. They can also help you with safety planning. The number is (916) 920-2952. If you are interested in WEAVE’s counseling services you would need to attend a free triage session, this is a one on one assessment with a counselor to determine how we can best meet your needs. We offer triage on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers counseling triage on Tues and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. In regards to emergency shelter WEAVE does have a safehouse the first step to accessing this service is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and complete a phone screening. 

I know it took a lot of courage to leave ten years ago and I’m sorry you are going through some of the same abuse still. I can’t give legal advice as I am not an expert in that area but I know that it is always a good idea to document (date/time/incident) any type of manipulation or verbal abuse. You can show this to a legal expert or attorney to see what legal options you have. Another option is calling CPS at 875-5437 to see if the abuse is reportable to them. It may be something they can investigate. As far as options to emotional recovery WEAVE has counseling available for you and/or your children. You can start counseling by going to our counseling triage. You can get the specific dates and times for triage by calling our support and information line at 920-2952. The support and information line also has a live counselor you can talk to for emotional support as well as information and resources the number again is 920-2952. I think it’s great that your daughter felt safe to open up to you. The more support and positive things you and your children have in your life the better. Thank you for reaching out for help you don’t have to go through this alone.

Using the WEAVE 24/7 Support whe having a triggering event. I
recently had a trigger event during..get this…during a business meeting in a conference room. I felt like a deer in the headlights…frozen, my mind starting filling up wiht these random memories and powerful feelings of fight or flight….we broke for five minutes and I walked out of the office and into the elevator…I didn’t even push the button…I just stood there with my face in the corner trying not to burst into tears and not hyper ventilate. It’s been four years since I got out. it’ took at least 2 years to finally get out of the depression and start to function normally again…dare I say even happily. So the lingering issue I have is trying to deal with my emotions when the memories or the panic, or that all too familiar fear grab hold of me. Is it ok to call when you’re in the middle of a panic state like that? I am safe and very secure now…it’s just this one side effect that reaches up and grabs me sometimes.
 

Triggering is normal It is absolutely ok to use the 24 hour Support & Information Line when you are experiencing a triggering event.  The advocates who answer the phone understand how scary these times can be and are there to support you.  If you are continuing to experience the triggers and they are affecting you regularly, you may want to consider meeting with a WEAVE counselor to develop additional coping skills.  The advocates on the Support & Information Line can you information about accessing additional services.
Can you refer me to similar groups in the San Francisco Bay Area? There are multiple domestic violence and sexual assault resources in the SF Bay Area.  You can find a listing for domestic violence agencies here at the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence website.  Sexual assault programs can be found here at the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault website.  You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get referrals.

Ive been abused from a child into adulthood both sexually and physically I never gotten any help for it or other issues I have had because of these experiences. Now I have an open cps case because of domestic violence from my husband I have to take classes and see you guys but how will I know that what I say to you will not effect me getting my daughter back what if you think im crazy. im scared if im honest that I will never get my daughter back but at same time all my family and friends want me to get help. I want help im scared everyday that I might to something dangerous to my self some days Im ok but others not its a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore but im scared if I ask for help and tell my story it will be used against my I don’t trust anyone never have idk what my question is really im just don’t want to cheat this program if it can actually help me

If you feel you may harm yourself, please call the Suicide Hotline at 916.368.3111. It is completely understandable that you would be scared and worried. You deserve to feel safe and to heal. WEAVE helps many women who have experienced abuse and are now involved with CPS. Your concern about sharing is understandable and we want to support your healing. We know you want to be a good mom. The support group can help you to share your story and to know that others have had similar experiences and feeling – you are not alone. Any relationship – past or present – that is abusive is complex and talking with the counselor can help. If you need confidential support– you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for support for the abuse at 916.920.2952. We are mandated reports and the Support Line and Suicide Hotline advocates will be honest with you about anything you share that would have to be reported to CPS during the conversation.
   
Is there any way that I could have information sent to me? I have a friend who needs help knowing what to do to get out. She is afraid to even leave her house and if I could show her about how ans what you guys do for women escaping a violent situation, she also has a 4 year old boy and is afraid that her husband might take him.  Thank you for caring about your friend and seeking out resources to help her. Having a non judgmental support system is so important for survivors of domestic violence. Materials and information about our services, safety planning and the cycle of violence have been mailed to the address you provided. You may also receive addtional resources and support by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. 
Has my boyfriend got an anger problem? I don’t want to talk to anyone I know because I don’t want their biased opinions. The other day he threw his best friend to the floor when he was drunk for no reason. He was very sad and apologetic about it 2 days later and the whole next day, and also says that he can’t remember what happened? Last week it was the same situation; drunk and can’t remember, except it was with me (his girlfriend) and he was very mean with some of the things he said – for no reason! And kept threatening to end it between us. Today he smashed a plate just because he ripped a tea bag open and there was no bin to put the rubbish in. We argue sometimes like any other couple, but he ends up getting more wound up than anyone I’ve know and storms off swearing, slamming doors and it’s normally over something quite stupid. And has even happened when there hasn’t been an argument, but he disagrees on something I’ve said. I know he gets out of hand, and I don’t geel threatened by him, and I know he wouldn’t physically hurt me. But what can I do to help? It scares me seeimg him get so suddenly angry about something, and I’ve told him that if it carriers on I will leave, because I can’t handle being around someone like that. But the truth is i know I won’t leave him because I love him. Instead – what can I do to help him??? Whenever I try talking to him about his ways he gets angry.  In a relationship it is important to set boundaries and establish what behaviors we will and will not accept. You are correct to point out that all couples argue as every relationship requires work. In a healthy relationship couples will work through their problems using communication, teamwork and mutual respect. It sounds like you are seeing some red flags in your boyfriend’s behavior and it is very important to recognize these signs. When we are intoxicated or under the influence we may be more open to doing things that are out of character; however alcohol does not make us abusive towards others. Drinking may be bringing other issues to the surface for your boyfriend that he needs help addressing. Discovering what these issues are can be difficult especially when discussing the subject seems to cause more anger. You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about strategies you can use to broach this subject safely. Your boyfriend may also find that speaking to a counselor can help him manage his anger in healthier ways. WEAVE offers counseling, on sliding scale fees, to help you grow as individuals while you work towards a healthier relationship. You may access this service by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. You may also feel more comfortable speaking to a counselor over the phone. WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information is always available to assist you. Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a counselor today. 
I have been living with my BF for almost 3 years. It started out really great. He was willing to try and get to know my kids even though he always made comments about never wanting to date someone with kids before. after about a year he started telling me that I  needed to let my youngest son live with his dad. My other two are grown and out of the house, but they are no longer allowed at our house. Our relationship has become violent as well. He has thrown things at me and pushed me across the kitchen and I fell backward and hit the counter. He constantly puts me down and makes comments about me getting old. He has made it impossible for me to leave because even though he makes way more money than I do, I pay most of the house payment. In Jan of last year I helped him buy a house. I couldn’t put my name on it because of my bad credit stemming from my divorce. I am still trying to repair that as well. He pretty much makes all of my decisions and tells me what to do. He tells me he’s just trying to protect me, but I know better. He tells me that I need to go out and do things with my friends, but he knows that because of the bills I pay and the fact that I pay a larger portion of the house payment, I don’t have any extra money. I have to depend on him for any “fun” activities and then he constantly reminds me that he pays for all of the “fun” stuff we do, but he also gets to hang out with his friends without me. I have had to start hiding the fact that I go and pick up my son a couple of times a week so that I can spend time with him. I’m not allowed to answer my phone when any of my family calls if he is home. This has been bad enough but on Friday I had surgery on my foot and I am now completely dependent on him for everything. (edited for length) He has pretty much alienated me from all of my friends and family and now that I can’t walk or drive I feel like I am stuck here. Plus I don’t know what he would do to all of my belongings if I left. I have already had to start all over twice due to divorce. I can’t afford to do it again. I don’t know what to do. Reaching out for help is incredibly brave and we thank you for finding that courage. Living with abuse can take a toll on many aspects of our lives. It sounds like your partner has isolated you from family and friends and is using multiple forms of abuse in your relationship. Please know that the abuse is not your fault and you do have options and resources to help you break free. In a healthy relationship both partners work together and respect each other’s choices. It sounds like your partner is making most of the decisions and controlling your relationship together and your relationship with family and friends. It is so important that you have recognized these signs and see the red flags. Survivors face many obstacles while in an abusive relationship and when they decide to leave. If you choose to leave the relationship WEAVE can offer you the support and resources to do so. We can also help you develop a safety plan so that you have options whether you choose to leave or stay. You may qualify for free shelter at our domestic violence safehouse which includes; counseling, shelter and assistance. We may also be able to offer you legal assistance should you decide to file for a domestic violence restraining order to further enhance your safety. The first step to accessing our services is to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. Please make sure you are in a safe and private place when you call. Our phone counselors are confidential, supportive and can help you determine your safest options. If you would prefer to speak to a counselor in person you may attend a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations.  Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
I am in a difficult situation, my soon to be ex husband is harassing me and my boyfriend of 4 years. he started with threats to me trying to take my daughter away from me but it escalated when I was granted legal & physical custody of her. He has been trying to smut up my bf name, calling cps several times saying my bf touched my daughter and made accusations of abuse, all of these things have been investigated and put to rest but he still continues to harass, stalk me and my bf workplace and spread lies about us to people we dont know so we are always looking over our shoulder. This man is bipolar schitzophrenic and yet he still gets visitation twice a month for “the best interests of the child” the judge says its a he say she say but i have hundreds of text threats and some are being lost because my phone is at max capacity. this guy was already ordered to stay away from school, to leave me alone and still keeps filing all these bogus
complaints on me that get him nowhere and actually agree leaning in my favor. My question is that we feel we are not safe. He has been driving through my
neighborhood and he is gonna do something really bad. he already tried to
beat up my bf but bf pushed him away and he called cops to make a citizen
arrest. he thinks this will give him leverage in family court but i think he needs his visitation terminated for good. he is dangerous and tonight he is texting that he is gonna do something to us….is there safehouses for
families? 
Sharing custody with an abusive partner can be very challenging for survivors. WEAVE knows that everyone deserves to be safe and feel safe in their daily lives. It sounds like your ex is doing his best to take away that sense of security for your family. You are right to take his threats seriously and it is important to document each threat he makes. You may consider filing for a domestic violence restraining order as a way to protect yourself and your family. WEAVE offers free legal assistance to survivors and can help you establish a safety plan moving forward. To learn more about the services we offer please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. Phone counselors can offer you resources and support as you take your next steps away from abuse. 
my boyfriend was just arrested for domestic violence. there is a emergency protective order against him, but I still don’t geel safe, what should my next action be? You are not alone and you have many options and resources to help you feel safe and begin to heal emotionally. You may consider applying for a temporary restraining order that way you have the protections longer. WEAVE’s legal department can help you with this process. You may also attend a domestic violence restraining order workshop at the Family Courthouse (3341 Power Inn Road). Workshops are held on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8:45am – Noon. The workshop is free and you should arrive early to ensure that there is space. If you would like assistance from WEAVE’s legal department you may attend a free triage session at one of our locations. Legal triage will help you to asses your options as well as establish an action plan and a safety plan. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If you are in need of safe shelter you may also call our 24 hour support line at 916.920.2952 to start the screening process. Phone counselors can also help you start safety planning. If you feel that you are in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1 right away for assistance. 
Necesito ayuda para saber si mi problema es en verdad un problema. mi esposo y yo hemos estado casados por 40 años y en este momento estoy pasando por un problema que he pasado ya muchisimas veces en el lapso de 40 años y no se que hacer, como actuar o como enfretar a mi esposo. El y yo hemos estado sin hablarnos ya por un mes, viviendo bajo el mismo techo. Yo le hice una pregunta muy sencilla, y como siempre, me contesto de la misma manera, el me ofendio y me hizo sentir muy mal una vez mas, solo que esta vez si se lo dije, yo le dije; porque siempre me haces sentir como una estupida?, y sali del cuarto me fui a mi recamara y llore de dolor e indignacion, me senti muy lastimada el ni
siquiera se dio por enterado y hasta este dia el se hace el enojado y ofendido, y yo se porque lo conozco, que el me culpa a mi y espera que yo venga a el humillada lo cual yo podria hacer, pero no se como afrontarlo, tengo mucho miedo a sus palabras ofensivas porque no importa que sea, yo siempre tengo que ser la que venga a el, y cuando lo hago siempre termino siendo yo la culpable, la de mal caracter, la orgullosa, la que no sabe
hablar ni como expresarse, el siempre esta bien y siempre tiene la razon. El
me humilla, me ofende y averguenza delante de las personas, me dice que todo
se me olvida que no se lo que digo, que estoy sorda, me puede decir con mucha
facilidad todo lo que, segun el, hago mal o lo que no se hacer, en cambio nunca me dice que hice algo bien y se lo dije en una ocacion, y se quedo sorprendido porque yo nunca le contesto nada aunque me haga sentir que soy vasura. Yo siempre he callado y aguantado todas sus ofensas y casi nunca digo nada, hago lo que el quiera, voy con el a donde quiera aunque yo no lo
quiera, yo no digo nada para no hacerlo enojar y siempre pretendo que todo
esta bien con tal de mantener la armonia. En mi casa yo hago todo el trabajo
de la casa, ahora no estoy trabajando, pero aun cuando trabajaba yo tenia que llegar a casa y hacer todo para los dos. Bueno hay mucho mas que quisiera
decir, pero no quiero tomar mucho de su tiempo, solo quiero saber si yo estoy exagerando las cosas y que debo hacer. Yo quisiera irme de su lado por un tiempo para que el sepa la diferencia entre estar yo a su lado y atenderlo en todo, y entre no estar con el y tener que valerse a si mismo ya que el practicamente es un niño sin su mama, solo que el no lo sabe ya que nunca hemos estado separados por mas de tres dias, solo que yo no tendria a donde ir asi que esta opcion no es posible. No se si esto es algo en lo que me
podrian aconsejar, o quizas necesite hablar con alguien personalmente, o quizas necesitamos consejeria los dos. Por favor necesito un consejo o alguien con quien hablar. 

En respuesta a sus preguntas déjeme decirle en primer lugar que usted no está sola y que su historia que compartió tiene mucho de los elementos de el abuso emocional. Lo importante en este momento es buscar apoyo para usted y poder aprender sobre la dinámica de la violencia doméstica. Considero que su pregunta sobre si sería mejor hablar con alguien personalmente es apropiada ya que de esa manera usted puede empezar a trabajar en un plan seguro y aprender sobre sus opciones. WEAVE le ofrece ese espacio si usted puede asistir a una sesión sin cita está disponible para todas las personas. Usted siempre puede llamar a la línea de apoyo e información 24 hrs al dia.
Gracias por compartir su historia y no dude en contactarnos nuevamente.

Las siguientes son las direcciones y horario al cual usted puede asistir:

Lunes de 4 – 7 PM en 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823

Jueves de 10 AM – 1 PM en 1900 K St. Sacramento, CA 95811 

I seen that you offer legal advice but how do we know if it works? I currently own a house with my abuser, how do I get my name off of the loan so I can leave? How do laws protect you against a stalker? If I leave, he will find me at work, my families house, etc. What can be done about this? Also we have a child together so we would have to see each other, its just a scary situation and I don’t know what to do. No one should ever have to live in fear and there is no excuse for abuse in any form. WEAVE knows that every abusive relationship is unique and that each survivor requires an individual approach. Our legal program includes access to trained legal advocates and, if appropriate, attorneys. As each situation requires different legal remedies the best way to get started is to come in for a free legal triage session. During triage an advocate will help you explore your options, determine your next steps and establish a safety plan. We offer triage at multiple locations for convenience. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. 
I was able to get out of an abusive relationship and got a job where I can support myself but my x boyfriend is very angry and threatening to kill me I want to go to the police but I have a traffice warrant. If I do I might get arrested and then lose my job and it will all be for nothing it took me two years stashing money and planning to get away from him after he beat me up and put me in the hospital what do I do? First I want to commend you for being brave enough to leave a bad situation and ask for help. There is no excuse for the abuse that you have endured. No one deserves to feel threatened or afraid, no matter what their circumstances are. You have many options, including applying for a domestic violence restraining order.  WEAVE offers free legal assistance to help with this process. To access this service you may attend a free legal triage session at one of our locations. This can help you to better understand your rights and options.  Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If you feel that you are in immediate danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of law enforcement.
Are there restrictions accepting women into shelter with PTSD. I was told they are required to have necessary medication before you will accept them. Is that true?  Our domestic violence Safehouse screens potential residents based on many factors including needs and appropriatness for the Safehouse Program. If you are in need of shelter we encourage you to call our 24 hour support and information hotline to begin a screening. Phone counselors can be reached at 916.920.2952
Do you offer help for emotional and verbal abuse too? WEAVE recognizes 5 types of abuse; physical, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual. We offer services to assist survivors of any type of domestic violence. Please call our confidential 24 hour Support and Information hotline at 916.920.2952 for more information about the services we provide. 
I am a domestic violence advocate and I have a victim that has been abused for a year. (Edited for content and identifying information). WEAVE serves the greater Sacramento, CA region and cannot respond to email addresses or telephone numbers left on the message boards due to safety and confidentiality requirements. Please contact law enforcement in your area to determine if the victim you are assisting requires emergency intervention.  Victims in Sacramento can contact WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you are outside of the Sacramento, CA region, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your area 800.799.7233.
I left a domestic violence relationship almost 10 years ago, (WEAVE helped) but the judges gave my son to his father 50/50, since the father never hit him except when he was 7 weeks old.. Now my sone is 12, witnessed another DV incident with the girlfriend, the girlfriend cries all the time, including one night she slept in my son’s room on the floor crying herself to sleep, despite there being 4 bedrooms and two living rooms in their house. Two bedrooms are empty. My son wants to live with me full time, is depressed, and I want to bring him home. I have no money, but his father has an awesome lawyer and plenty of money. Are there resources to help my son, who is still in the situation even though I am not?  Witnessing domestic violence can be very damaging to a child and you are right to be concerned. There are many options and resources to help you and your son. WEAVE’s Free Legal Department can offer you free services and information about your rights. The first step to accessing our legal services is to attend a triage session at one of our two locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If you feel that your son’s life is in danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of law enforcement. 
just a week ago, the man i was seeing for 3 years hit me serveral times, took away my phone so i was unable to call the police and i felt like my life was threatened. He choked me and hit me, my cut on my arm is still recovering i still have 1 bruise on my back, but the rest have gone away. He had damadged a baby gate i had bought for my pets, as well as the walls in my home. What can i legally do for those damadges to be repaired out of his expense. and is there anything i can do at this point to file for domestic
violence. this is not the first time he has done this. but i dont want him anywhere near my property again and i want the damadges payed for. What are my options here? 
You are experiencing domestic violence. You may support 24/7 on our support and information line to help you determine the best course of action. Counselors can be reached anytime at 916.920.2952. WEAVE’s legal department may also be able to offer you resources and guidance. You may access this service by attending a free legal triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  During the legal triage session, you can learn more about your options including a Temporary Restraining Order and about legal recourse you may have regarding the damages. 
Do you guys have any support groups or counseling for leaving an abusive relationship? WEAVE offers individual and group counseling, at sliding scale fees, for domestic violence survivors. You may access these services by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
If a husband constantly harrasses, badger and threatens the wife but has not really hurt her yet but had raised his hand as if he was going to do it…can the wife call WEAVE? What is the # for Modesto, CA WEAVE recognizes 5 types of domestic violence; Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Financial and Spiritual. It sounds like you are experiencing emotional abuse with threats of physical abuse. There are many resources to help you as no one deserves to live in fear. While WEAVE is located in Sacramento the National Domestic Violence Hotline can link you to local resources in the Modesto area. Please call 800.799.7233 to speak to a confidential counselor about your options. If you feel that your life is in danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of local law enforcement. 
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and very much in love. He has never laid a hand on me until this weekend. We were arguing and I pushed him away from me and then he pushd me back, making me fall on the ground. My mom called the cops and he was arrested with a battery charge. I never wanted him to get arrested or anything. He was drunk and we were in a heated argument. I still love him very much but we have a no contact order and have to go to court in two weeks. The attorney said its not my decision whether I want to drop the charges or not. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want him to face time in prison just for pushing me. It wasn’t even that hard. I was wearing flip flops and I fell. I am scared for what might happen in court. Even though we have a no contact order, I am dying to talk to him and tell him how sorry I am that my mom called the cops and that he was arrested. For about two months before this incident, we have been talking about getting married. Even though he pushed me, I still love him to death and still want him in my life. He does have some anger issues but he has been going to counseling and has gotten MUCH better at controlling his anger.  It is always difficult to see someone we love suffer, especially if we blame ourselves for that suffering. It is not your fault that your boyfriend was arrested. Physical violence, in any form, is never part of a healthy relationship. When we are arguing and angry things can often escalate quickly, especially when physical violence is involved. It sounds like the police were called to help de-escalate the situation safely. Law Enforcement has a difficult job to do, especially when it comes to instances of domestic violence. They often have to make tough decisions about what will best keep us safe. Once an arrest has been made it is up to the district attorney to decide if the case will go forward. You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about the situation and how you are feeling. Compassionate and confidential counselors can be reached at anytime by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. You may also speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
How do I safely break away from my bf…a month ago he broke my hand while punching me in the head. Last night I slightly raised my voice he picked me up by my face and throat and slammed me on the kitchen floor..I came to and threw up..my hair was bloody and I could barely stand. He did let me sleep until I left for work this morning…I am not going back, but he knows where I work and he is always saying if I leave he will  kill me and everyone I know.  There is no excuse for the abuse that you have endured and what happened was not your fault. You are also not alone as there are many resources to assit you in leaving safely. It sounds like the physical violence you are experiencing is causing a great deal of harm. For your safety you may wish to consult a medical professional about your head injury. You may also wish to obtain a domestic violence restraining order as a way to increase your personal safety. Speaking to a counselor about your options can also help in determining the best course of action. Confidential and compassionate counselors are available 24/7 on WEAVE’s Support and Information line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. Our phone counselors can help you establish a safety plan and share important information with you about domestic violence. If you feel that your life is in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1. 
I have been in an abusive relationship for 20 years. I have tried to leave but have failed I am scared to death to leave now. How can I leave and be safe? WEAVE can offer you many resources to help you safely leave an abusive relationship. Our counselors can help you develop a safety plan, file for a domestic violence restraining order and assist you in finding a safe place to stay. You may also qualify to stay at our domestic violence safehouse. The first step to accessing these services is to speak to a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952. 
I am currently in an abusive relationship that I need to leave immediately. I have children with special needs. Autism. And they are greatly effected by change. I’m scared to leave this relationship as I am completely dependent on my spouse financially, and just worried about the effect the transition will have on my kids. Can WEAVE help me? Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging especially with children involved. The abuse you have endured is not your fault and you do have options to leave this relationship safely. WEAVE offers many services including; temporary safe shelter, legal assistance, and counseling (for adults and children).  The first step to accessing our services is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. A phone counselor will be able to help you develop a safety plan and determine your best options.  If you feel that your life is in danger we urge you to call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement for safety. 
My girlfriend’s ex was emotionally and physically abusive. I am the first person she has dated since this happened. She filed a PFA against him a year ago and he spent time in jail for violating it. I have been with her for two months and I am trying to figure out ways to gain her trust. Anytime I tell her I am going somewhere or doing something without her she has a tendency to think I am doing something I shouldn’t be, such as meeting other girls. She eventually realizes that is not whats happening but it is still hampering the advancement of our relationship. It has been very hard and any advice would be greatly appreciated.  The physical and emotional trauma of abuse can have a lasting impact on the lives of many survivors. It sounds like your girlfriend may still be struggling to cope with the abuse she endured. Talking to a counselor about how she is feeling may help her to begin healing. You may also find it helpful to talk to a counselor as this can help you find ways to support her as your relationship progresses. WEAVE offers counseling services that may help you both individually and possibly together when you are ready. The first step to accessing our counseling services is to attend a free triage session at one of our locations. Triage is an individual meeting with a counselor where you may share your concerns and goals. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE also offers 24 hour phone counseling on our Information and Support Line and you can reach a counselor anytime by calling 916.920.2952
I have been married almost nine years, the first time my husband hit me was about six years ago. There have been more altercations that have occured, I have never really opened up to anyone about what has been happening to me. I have called 911 twice int he past and no arrests were made. This past weekend we got into an arguement and he put his hands on me. I hit him back in self defense and then called 911 to diffuse the situation. I was arrested and taken to jail. He manipulated the situation and the officer’s believed him. I am now facing a felony, while he, the real abuser is bragging to his friends about getting me locked up. I did not cause any great bodily damage to him, but he managed to make a small scratch bleed for the officer. What can I do? First I want to commend you for coming forward and asking for help. Sharing your story is incredibly brave and there is no excuse for the abuse you have endured. Law enforcement has a very difficult job and often have to make tough decisions. Please know that you do have options and there are resources to help you. Counselors are available 24/7 on our support and information line to listen, offer resources and help you determine the best course of action. Counselors can be reached anytime at 916.920.2952. WEAVE’s legal department may also be able to offer you resources and guidance. You may access this service by attending a free legal triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
Please help I’ve been with my partner 8 years and in the last 3 he has become physically violent i’ve tried ending it yet he tries to kill himself he strangled me tonight i nearly blacked out felt my body go limp was so scary he smashes everything up help me please we have 2 small kids together and they have witnessed this i’m scared he will die i have seen him try killing himself he crys and says he needs help that he dont realise what he does till after Living with abuse, of any type, can be very frightening. Please know that the abuse is not your fault and you do have options. WEAVE’s counselors can help you develop a safety plan to help ensure that you and your children are protected. You may also find it useful to obtain a domestic violence restraining order to protect you further.  You may also qualify to stay in our domestic violence safehouse if you choose to leave the relationship.  Phone counselors can also offer you resources that may help your partner get help as well.  WEAVE also knows that witnessing violence can be very scary for children and cause emotional harm. We offer counseling services for children to help them begin to heal as well.  The first step to accessing these resources is to call our confidential 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  You may also choose to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session at one of our counseling centers.  Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  If you feel that your life, or the lives of your children, may be in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1 for help.
How do I know what is considered domestic violence?  WEAVE recognizes 5 types of domestic violence; Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Financial and Spiritual. All of these types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. These types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations. For help identifying specific behaviors please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. 
Hi, I was told that WEAVE provides services for women who are married to compulsice gamblers. Is this true? how does the agency see this as violence? He has complete control over the money and has gambled so much away. I want to leave but can’t b/c of financial reasons. I don’t know what to do. Please help, thank you. WEAVE recognizes 5 types of abuse; physical, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual. Financial abuse occurs when one partner has complete control over the finances in the relationship. In a healthy relationship both partners will communicate and make financial decisions together. It sounds like your partner is controlling your finances and making decisions you do not agree with. WEAVE can help by offering support, resources and options. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on our support and information line to help and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952
Not sure I belong here, but a friend recommended. I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband is mostly loving toward me and the two kids, but I think he may be depressed or have something else wrong. He has explosive anger (not new) and though it doesn’t happen often, I find myself constantly orchestrating situations to avoid him blowing up at the kids or anyone else. I handle the kids care/activities, housework and basically everything just to keep things running smooth with no drama. He choked me once about 9 years ago and never again. I am stressed from years of walking on eggshells, but I am pretty sure he would commit suicide if I left, so it seems easier to stay. I am not afraid of him, just of what he is capable of doing. We both work, but we keep our money separate, so he has much more than i do. Feeling very trapped. Friend pressures me to leave, but I feel we may be better off staying for now. 

A healthy relationship consists of equality, trust, cooperation and communication. While it is normal for couples to disagree or argue a times this should not be part of every day life. Domestic violence often happens in three phases: The tension building phase (described by many survivors as “walking on egg shells”) The explosion phase (where abusive behaviors occur) and The false honeymoon phase (where things may seem calm and affectionate again).  It sounds like you are under constant pressure to keep the peace and avoid the explosion phase. I want to commend you for working so hard to keep this together; but also remind you that the behaviors you are seeing are not your fault. In a healthy relationship there is a partnership and both people work together, but it sounds like you are doing a lot of the work. Physical violence is also never part of a healthy relationship as love should never hurt us. The choice to stay or leave is yours to make and you should not feel pressured by anyone.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor to asses what your options are and develop a safety plan. WEAVE can help you with safety planning while you are in your relationship or after you have left as we know leaving can be a difficult decision. You can speak to a counselor on the phone anytime by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Hotline at 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session.  We offer triage at multiple locations on multiple days to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.

I have been a victim of Domestic abuse for 15 yrs. My husband is mentally ill. We have been through alot. For the last 4-5 yrs we have been seeing a marriage counselor. Even thouth I would express to her my concerns, it was almost like she was enabling him. She wuld tell me that I need to stop and ask him “Is this rational thinking?” Like he’s going to respond to that rationally.  Anyway we are separated right now. I’m feeling guilt because I Love him and I feel selfish because our son is upset. My thoughts are mental illness or not how much is 1 person supposed to take? My other issue is now I’m back in school and having to write a research paper on domestic violence. It’s supposed to be objective, formal not personal. I’m having a hard time narrowing down the issue I want to address and my research question. It’s really difficult to write a paper you know alot about personally from a non-opinion based stand point. Any suggestions? Living with abuse can be very emotionally challenging; even more so when other factors, like mental illness, are present.  While feelings of guilt are normal it is important to remember the abuse was not your fault. Choosing to remove yourself from an abusive situation takes a lot of courage and it sounds like you have made the best choice for your well being.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about the separation and the feelings you are experiencing.  It may also help you learn ways to cope with your situation so you may begin to heal.  It is often difficult to be objective about a subject close to us, especially when we are still working through the emotions.  You may find that speaking to a counselor will help to narrow down a topic that you are comfortable with.  Phone counselors are available on WEAVE’s Support and Information Line 24/7 and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
My sister is in domestic violence relationship with her boyfriend, I feel so helpless because everything seems worse for her now. How can I get help for her? She won’t get some help and think he will change. it has been  more a year. My sister have a beautiful daughter and her father just starting yell and slap her. I am scared if something happen to them. Thank you It is never easy to watch a loved one suffer or be harmed.  There are many reasons why someone may choose to stay in an abusive relationship. There are also many options and resources you may share with your sister as you support her.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor on our 24 hour support and information line by calling 916.920.2952.  Our phone counselors can help you better understand the cycle of violence, help you find ways to talk to your sister about your concerns and give you options to share with her. If you feel that your sister’s child is being harmed as part of the abuse it is important to know you can contact law enforcement or child protective services.  Our phone counselors can also help you determine the best way to approach this situation.  If you suspect child abuse you may contact the California Department of Social Services 800-422-4453
I have a friend, my girlfriends best friend, who is trying to escape her relationship with the ex-con. She lives in his house and has a young daughter with him. Several times she has tried to leave him and he has threatened to kill her and the children. He knows where my girlfriend lives so she can’t go there and he knows where the kids go to school. I suggested a safehouse but the kids still need to go to school. Do you have a program where you can take her away from the situation and somehow get his probation officer to keep him away from her? He is unpredictable and kind of crazy, especially when he drinks. It sounds like your friend is in a very dangerous situation and I want to thank you for reaching out for help.  Your friend may qualify for services at WEAVE’s domestic violence Safehouse which also has a charter school the children may attend. She may also want to consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order to help further protect herself and the children. The first step to accessing this service is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and complete a phone screening.  Our phone counselors will help your friend determine the best course of action and develop a safety plan.  If at any time you feel your friend’s life may be in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1 for help. 
I have been in a mentally and physically abusive relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year. This has turned my world upside down. He hit me so hard I now have seizures. I can no longer work at my job have had to move several times and will probably next lose my medical benefits unless I find another job. He always blames his violent outbursts on me. And most of the time I believe its my fault. I also have anger problems of my own and sometimes things get so intense I end up hitting back usually in self defense. I’m scared he’s going to kill me. He’s so manipulative and absolutely makes me feel like I’m living inside a tornado 2/7 I can’t think I can’t get things done for myself. I recently left and stayed with a relative. But he found me and this time was angery and trying to fore me to leave with him. I refused. I’m scared to file a restraining order because I know he will have to be served with the paperwork. I’m scared to death that he will kill me if I file. What can I do about this irrational fear I’m left with (edited for length) Survivors of domestic violence face many obstacles, including fear, when trying to leave an abusive partner. There is no excuse for the abuse that you have already endured but there are many resources that may be able to help you leave safely.  You may qualify for services at WEAVE including; temporary safe shelter, legal assistance, counseling and safety planning.  The first step to accessing these services is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Our phone counselors can help you begin a safety plan and you may also complete a screening for placement in our Safehouse. The fear you are feeling is rational and we believe you when you say your life may be in danger.  Speaking to a counselor may also help you begin to heal from the abuse.  If you prefer to speak to a counselor in person you may attend a free triage session at one of our locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
do you guys have domestic violence classes? I have a cps case with services terminated and need to get help in continuing them on my own.

WEAVE offers a variety of counseling programs that may help you meet your needs and goals. The first step to accessing our counseling services is to attend a free triage session, this is a one on one assessment with a counselor to determine how we can best meet your needs. We offer triage on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.

When my husband and I get frustrated with out kids, we lose our cool. We yell. It’s probably not uncommon. But my husband doesn’t just yell. Sometimes he will smack them in the head. Not enough to hurt them, really. Their feelings are hurt more. And he justifies it by saying “I barely touched him.” he also will grab them by the arm and yank them to come with him. Again, not hard enough to do damage (although they do cry). When they cry, he responds “I barely touched you!” Last night he was angry at bedtime, and slammed their door so hard the mirror got knocked loose. No one was hurt. My question is…is wha he doing wrong? Should I be concerned about the behavior escalating? I know I raise my voice with my kids sometimes, but this feels different. What should I do?  It is always important to follow your instincts when you feel that a behavior is abnormal. Everyone expresses anger in a different way and it is normal to become frustrated as a parent; however there are healthy and unhealthy ways to act upon this frustration. Fear of physical retaliation is never part of a healthy relationship and it is good to recognize these red flags early. You and your husband may find it helpful to speak to a counselor (alone or together) to discuss the behaviors you are uncomfortable with and work on healthier ways to manage frustration. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on WEAVE’s Support and Information line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. WEAVE also offers community counseling, at sliding scale fees, where you can talk with a counselor in person. The first step to accessing this service is attending a free triage session which we offer on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
I live in ca. and I need to see if someone can give me some advice to see how I can get someone to help my 21 year old daughter.  She left to Texas and she is in an abuse relationship. (edited to remove identifying information) It can be very difficult to see a loved one experiencing abuse, especially so when they live far away.  Please know that help is available and that you do not have to face this alone. Counselors on our Support and Information line are available 24/7 to help and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. WEAVE is unique to the Sacramento Region, however the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you find resources closer to your daughter.  Their 24 Hour hotline can be reached by calling 800.621.4673.
I have been physically and emotionally abused for 29 years not knowing that there maybe help for me..I was offered a new home away from my husband who found out where I was going so I had to turn it down they have now suspended my bidding for housing… Although my children are 19 and 24 they still live with me because they think they need to stay with me because of the abuse, I donot want it to continue to rule their lives like mine..is there financial help for me if when I can I bid again for housing although my children are as old as they are, ones unemployed and one has a congenical condition…? I work p/t so my income is not great. Please can you advise me? WEAVE knows that domestic violence hurts everyone and can have a lasting impact.  You are doing the right thing by trying to break the cycle of violence and removing yourself and your children from the situation.  Survivors can face many obstacles in their path to safety and WEAVE is here to help make this process easier for you.  You may find it helpful to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Our phone counselors will help you decide the best options for your family. You may also qualify for our domestic violence safehouse which offers shelter, case management and assistance with housing concerns.
If I need to go to your shelter to get away from my sons father bcuz he won’t stop hurting me N I’m scared of him. I’m scared to be home alone. I don’t want him to go to hail..I just want him to go away n leave us alone. Do you help people even if they aren’t trying to put the abuser in jail? Fear should never be part of any relationship and you are doing the right thing by seeking safety for yourself and your son.  WEAVE knows that leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and overwhelming, that is why we offer assistance to survivors whether charges are pressed or not.  The abuse you have endured is not your fault and everyone deserves to feel safe. The first step to accessing WEAVE’s Domestic Violence Safehouse is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and complete a screening over the phone.  A compassionate and non judgmental counselor will work with you to determine the best options to help you achieve safety.  If at any time you feel that you are in danger we encourage you to call  9-1-1 for help.  
I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 5 years now that is mostly emotionally abusive but has on occasion become physical as well. We have two young children (2 and 4) and I do not want them seeing our dysfunctional relationship and thinking it is normal. I am ready mentally to leave the relationship but need to know about getting him to move (the lease for our current home is in my name only) and about retaining ownership of our car. (The car was paid for with one of my tax refunds and is in my name bue he always says he is taking it when we get in an argument and will leave me and the kids stranded with no car). I am the only one with a job and we have childcare for the kids already when I am at work bu I need a car to be able to get to and from work especially so I can also drop off and pick up my kids from daycare. What are my options for making him leave without the car? WEAVE understands that abuse can come in many forms and whether emotional or physical the abuse can have lasting effects. I want to commend you for recognizing the need to create a healthier situation for you and your children. Survivors may face many obstacles while seeking safety from abuse, but please know that you have options and resources. WEAVE offers free legal support to survivors including help with domestic violence restraining orders, court prep and child custody.  Our legal advocates can help you determine the best options to end this relationship safely while meeting your goals.  The first step to accessing our legal services is attending a triage session. We offer legal triage on multiple days and locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  

This morning my partner hit me during an arguement I phoned the police just to get him to leave but because ive phoned them they have to follow it up and he’s now been arrested why do I feel guilty for it when I no it was the right thing to do

 

You did the right thing to keep yourself safe.  You are not responsible for his arrest – he would not have been arrested if he had not assaulted you.  You are likely feeling a lot of emotions – including guilt – and all are normal.  It is important that you not blame yourself for his actions (we know this can be tough).  WEAVE is here to support you and help you find resources.  You can call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 anytime to talk with an advocate and learn more about what resources are available to you.  This is not your fault and you deserve to be safe and happy.

Is there a program to financially help women who are in a domestic violence relationship who wants to leave and/or have left the relationship but are financially struggling?
 

While WEAVE does not provide direct financial support, we do offer a variety of supportive programs which are free to victims of domestic violence.  Our Safehouse program offers temporary confidential shelter to victims and their children as well as case management and counseling during the stay.  We also offer a legal program which can provide limited legal support in obtaining a Temporary Restraining Order, filing for dissolution, etc.  To learn more about WEAVE’s programs and other community resources, call our Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

This is difficult for me to write, even though it is anonymous. In my teens and into young adulthood [I am 23], a male member–whom I’d like to keep anonymous–of my family was emotionally and verbally abusive. Consequently, and predictably, this was quite damaging to my self-esteem and self-confidence (and trust in men). It also has scarred me a bit with regards to courting. I am afraid to court any gentleman because I fear attracting someone who will mistreat me the way my family member did. I did get paperwork about recognising the signs of abusive relationships vs. healthy relationships, and I’ve saved those. But how can I overcome this fear of men, so to speak, since I know a lot of men are quite caring and compassionate?
 

When you have experienced abuse of any kind – verbal, emotional, spiritual, financial and/or physical – it is completely normal to feel those affects long after the abuse has stopped.  Your concerns about trusting others in relationships is also normal.  Because the damage from the abuse continues to affect you and cause you concern, you may wish to seek counseling to address it and heal from the impact.  WEAVE provides counseling services for Sacramento (CA) area residents.  If you live in the area and would like to learn more about our counseling services, you can begin by attending an in-person triage session with a counselor.  You may also find it helpful to speak to counselor in person by attending a free triage session. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street, 95811) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, 95823) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. You may also contact our 24 hour Support & Information Line to gain support from a trained advocate – 916.920.2952.

Hi, I’m not sure what I’ve been through (I never was or saw this kind of situation), but I always doubt of mental illness from my partner. Making some researches over internet with examples of my life with him, I found an article with characteristics of a psychopath and, unfortunately, most of ‘em match with me, such as, first, I feel I’m going crazy (that I’m the one who’s crazy instead of him and that’s something wrong with me or that I’m the guilty), then, I’m always afraid of him (of me talking, of me doing something, even while explaining – which is a constant situation – of me being misunderstood; I’m never heard, I’m ignored), he changes drastically from the most lovely to the repugnant, he has a really sad and disturbed past (which I prefer not mentioning); we also have experiences of mental and physical violence and threatenings and .. even more another things. Besides, I’m really young (21, and he, 30). I am happy and such a positive person, so I really wanted to not think this about him or us and find a good solution for our relantioship, but I’m really worried, especially at the moment, because we’re planning to marry soon. I don’t want to talk about this with anybody else around me, so I really hope you’d give me an answer. Thanks.
 

It is normal to feel like you are to blame in an abusive relationship.  Abusers often manipulate to make their partner feel confused and at even “crazy”.  Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect – never violence.  You may want to contact our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an advocate who can support you and explain more about domestic violence.  WEAVE also offers counseling and other supportive services – resources that may be very beneficial as you consider if being in a marriage with this person is healthy for you.

 how can i help myself and my mom from her bf he is hitting her?? and he push me….he has been scream and talking about us im so scared

 

If you believe you and/or your mom are in danger, call 911.  WEAVE has a 24 hour Support & Information Line to support you – 916.920.2952.  You can call this number to find out about supportive services like shelter and counseling. 

Do you know of any places that will help a woman with a medium sized dog with food and shelter to get away from two abusive men in her life?

 

WEAVE works with a local animal shelter which can board a dog for a domestic violence victim staying at the WEAVE Safehouse.  The first step to finding out if the Safehouse is the right option for you is to contact the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 – let them know you have a dog that will need to be boarded and ask for assistance. 

My sister is in a violent relationship. She continues to tell me that she doesnt want to be in the relationship but she always goes back. is their any sort of mental help that weave can provide to her. Maybe if somebody else outside of the family was to give some words of advise she may listen. She feels as if she has to settle for the dumbest loser because nobody else will ever want her. Sorry for the mean words but i get upset because she is a smart, nice, girl, who could have more going for her if he would stop knocking her down. I wish that she would get so help.
 

It is incredibly hard to watch someone you love be abused.  WEAVE offers a variety of services which your sister can access – when she is ready.  WEAVE services include safe and confidential shelter, legal assistance, and therapeutic counseling.  Abusers use power and control to make their victims feel “less than” and work to isolate them and it sounds like your sister has endured a lot of abuse which has affected her self-esteem.  Please continue to be a support system for her – abuser count on family and friends getting frustrated to further isolate a victim.  If she knows she has support, it will be easier for her to take the first steps.  A resource you can give your sister is WEAVE’s 24 hour Support Line – 916.920.2952.  Advocates answer the line and can validate what she’s experiencing, provide her with options, and link her to WEAVE services.  The line is also available to you if you need to talk with someone about how to support your sister.
I went through domestic violence in 2004. am I entitled to get the photographs of myself back from the courts to help me move on in life and get people to believe in me in what he has done to me. there pictures of myself. is there a legal chanel i can go down to get these back. he is controlling other women that get in contact with me as i have his children and i was with him for 17 years and he intimidated me to get him off lightly which i did, which now i regert. but i want to stop women getting hurt by him and for his family to believe me what he can do and will do.  Surviving domestic violence can be a very challenging road, especially if there is still contact after you have escaped.  Law enforcement collects pictures and other evidence as part of their investigation when a report is filed.  The law enforcement agency you filed your initial report with may be able to help you and the first step to finding out is to contact them via phone.  Healing from the trauma of domestic violence is a process with many stages.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about the feelings you are experiencing and the best ways you can cope with those feelings.  It is commendable to want to protect the other women he may be harming, but it is important to remember that your personal well being must be the priority.  Counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our support and information line and can help you decide the next steps that are right for you.  Counselors can be reached by calling 916.920.2952

I’m 19 and a college student. This is my last year living at home as I will be transferring to another college and staying there. I have 2 younger sisters; 14 and 6. My father is extremely violent, and abusive. He has not laid a hond on us however he has done so to my mother on multiple occasions. He is intimidating and all my life I have grown to be scared of him. My sisters have begged her to leave but she is too afraid. I don’t know what to do. At this point I have come to believe my mother will never leave him because she still loves him after everything he has done. (edited for length) What I want to know is what can I do legally to save my sisters from this terrible home? I don’t know if taking my sisters away from my parents would be a better choice than for them to live here. Perhaps you can lead me in the right direction. Thank you again and I hope to hear from anyone as soon as possible.

First I want to commend you for reaching out and protecting your sisters. They are very lucky to have someone like you looking out for them. Domestic violence impacts every member of the family and can have very lasting effects.  There are a number of reasons why your mom may not be able to leave as survivors often face many obstacles in doing so.  There are resources who can help your mom and sisters to find safety and to begin healing from the trauma already endured. It is difficult to watch family members suffer but please know that you have many options that can help you achieve your safety goals. An important first step is to speak to a counselor about your situation and options.  This process can also help you to develop a safety plan and learn ways to talk to your mom about you concerns.  WEAVE’s phone counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You may also find it helpful to speak to counselor in person by attending a free triage session.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  If at any time you feel that you, or your family, are in danger it is important to call 9-1-1 for immediate assistance. 
My husband is drunkard and always doubts my virginityand always asks me to go out of the house. he always listens to his dad and will treat me as servant he needs only sex from me. I hv given him more by not going illegally now I am fed up? It sounds like you are in a very unhealthy relationship with your husband and there is no excuse for being treated less than equal.  WEAVE offers many services that may help you to fix the relationship or leave the relationship if you choose.  Phone counselors are always available on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor in person at a free triage session. We offer legal triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
My husband hit me and I want to report it to the police, but I don’t want him to find out, is that possible? Many survivors fear that reporting abuse will upset their partner further or even cause more violence. Reporting can be a scary step but there are many safeguards you can utilize to maximize your protection throughout this process.  You may wish to start by contacting your local law enforcement and sharing your concerns about reporting.  This will allow you to determine your best options in terms of reporting.  Depending on the situation you may also wish to apply for a domestic violence restraining order and put together a safety plan if you would like to leave the relationship.  WEAVE offers free legal counseling as well as assistance with safety planning and the option of temporary shelter.  You may contact a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor in person at a free triage session.  We offer legal triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
Can my ex husband take my kids away from me (we have joint custody) my current boyfriend has a domestic violence charge against him in another state, which he is on probation for and he has a domestic violence charge with me (which I dropped the charges) we both had been drinking he tried to leave I didn’t want him to and when I tried to stop him he pushed me, I was mad and called the cops…since then we both have quit drinking and he has went thru 26 weeks of domestic violence classes and he is a different person…i believe everyone deserves a second change…anyone can change. Sharing child custody can be challenging and it is important to always keep the best interests and safety of the child in mind.  It sounds as though you and your boyfriend are both trying to achieve a healthier relationship and a safer environment in your home.  The court system takes many factors into account when deciding child custody including safety.  Your ex husband may be worried for your child’s safety and well being due to the past domestic violence.  It is important to work together in deciding what is best for the child you share.  You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either by phone or in person, to decide your best course of action.  WEAVE’s phone counselors can be reached anytime on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  We also offer free, in person, counseling triage sessions to help you better address your needs.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  
How do I go about finding out if my sister needs to escape a violent life, with a man who has kept her from her family for years and years. She has tried to contact some family and he has her so brainwashed that she believes him. She tried to contact me a few days ago but couldn’t get my number. When I called her home, her husband wouldn’t let me talk to her and said that if I didn’t speak to him, I would never see my family
again. He is again after 20 years tearing our family apart. I need to find out if she wants to leave hem. She desparately needs help. Will someone help me bring my sister home to live out her last years in peace. thank you for your help, I need to know how I can do this very carefully as to not
get him upset. He also beat me up years ago and killed their cat and who knows what else. Thank you
 
Seeing a loved one experience domestic violence can be a very difficult experience and WEAVE knows that violence hurts everyone involved. WEAVE believes that there are 5 types of domestic abuse: Physical, Emotional, Financial, Sexual and Spiritual. In a healthy relationship both partners should have the freedom to speak to family and make individual choices. It sounds like your sister is experiencing emotional abuse and being isolated from her family in her marriage. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Region, there may be domestic violence agencies near her that can help. You may wish to contact our friends at the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling their 24 hour support line 800-799-7233.  For safety reasons WEAVE is not able to contact potential victims or family members by telephone.
What can I do with my belongings if I come with my baby and stay on the shelter to escape. Do I leave everything. Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles as they seek safety including loss of personal belongings.  WEAVE is here to help you with safety planning and help you decide the best options for your situation.  Phone counselors are available on our Support and Information Line 24 Hours a day and are here to help you brainstorm ways to store or move your belongings safely.  Phone counselors can also answer any questions you have about coming to the shelter and helpful steps you can take to prepare.  Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a counselor today. 
After we both have been drinking my girlfriend attacked me while I was attempting to leave. While trying to get her off my back we hit heads and fell on the porch railing. As a result she received a lump on her forehead and a black eye, I received a mark crossed my neck. She then became enraged kicking and punching me repeatedly as I continued to try to leave. I called the police and was arrested when is all the marks on her face. How is that not self defense? Law enforcement must use multiple factors when determinging the primary aggressor in a domestic violence response. This can include severity of injuries and evidence that an injury was the result of self-defense amongst many other factors. You can talk with your attorney about your options in demonstrating that an injury was caused by efforts to defend yourself.  We hope you know that violence in any relationship is never healthy and drinking/drug use may contribute to violence but should not be used to minimize the violence. You may want to contact WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate about resources to help support you.
I have a dear friend who is a survivor of severe child abuse and addiction. She was also in an abusive marriage, and now has a physically/mentally abusive boyfriend. She has just started to ge counseling, and I am very hopeful her situation will improve. She does not have full custody of her children, and has had very negative interactions with CPS. Her 9 year old son, who has witnessed some of her abuse, is now starting to kick, hit and threaten her. He will scream “I’m going to kill you” over and over if she tries to correct him. Is there any help available for children, without going through CPS? She is afraid if she asks for help from CPS she will be seen at fault. Thanks for any imput. It sounds like your friend is in need of support and assistance with her son’s behavior. Being a survivor of domestic violence and child abuse is a large burden to bear and it sounds like her 9 year old is beginning to model some abusive behaviors. WEAVE believes that abuse is a learned behavior and can therefore be unlearned with the right support and resources. Depending on her custody arrangement she may be able to seek help and counseling services if she is uncomfortable working with CPS. If there is a case currently open with CPS, or they are part of the custody arrangement then she may need to speak with them about options. It is important to remember that the goal of CPS is to act in the best interest of the child to better the situation. WEAVE offers sliding scale fee counseling services for children, however in order to see a child we must have the consent of all parties with custodial rights. It may be helpful for you, or your friend, to speak to a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line for guidance at 916.920.2952. You friend may also consider speaking with the counselor at her son’s school as they can also be a helpful resource and may be able to refer her to a support group for parents. 
My sister and her ex-husband are court ordered to go to counseling for their son. They went recently,and he told her she needs to disappear, he said, “In fact you are going to disappear.” What can she do? I am highly considered for her. They share 50/50 custody of their son. It sounds like your family is involved in a very difficult situation with her ex-husband. It is important that she take his threats seriously and document any threats he has made. As a first step she may apply for a domestic violence restraining order or make a report of the threat to law enforcement. A domestic violence restraining order can help to protect your sister and her son. She may also want to consider putting together a safety plan and finding a safe place to stay. WEAVE can help her get started on the paperwork and she may qualify to stay at our domestic violence safehouse. You, or your sister, may call our 24 Hour Support and Information line at any time for assistance at 916.920.2952. She may also wish to speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. Thank you for supporting your sister and looking out for her safety. 
hi my husband and i got into a fight and i went to get a
restraining order against him and the judge denied everything and i have a 10
month old son and im afraid for my safety and my sons safety and the officer that came to take the report said it was mutual aggression even thought i was defending my self
 
Navigating the court system can be frustrating especially when we are already under stress due to domestic violence. Please know that you are not alone and you do have options. WEAVE offers survivors of domestic violence many services including counseling, confidential shelter and free legal assistance. You may find it helpful to speak with a legal advocate about your options by attending a free legal triage session. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
I have an employee of mine where her husband is beating her. She has 3 chldren and nowhere to go. She is tracked from Work and Back so she cannot have anytime away from him. She was injured today and sent to the hospital. She is afraid to report him because she will be kicked out in the street with nowhere to go. I am willing to assist – but not sure how to help this person. She has confided in me what the situation is. We have though
about taking up a collection to get her a place to stay – an apartment or something until she gets off her feet. Is there something else we can do. Can WEAVE help here at all. I dont want her thrown out in the street – I live 65 miles away so having her live with us is not an option (plus I am a supervisor) and it is against policy and get us both fired. She is employed Full Time and has income, but not enough saved to get away from the
situation. What are your suggestions?
 
Thank you for be concerned for your co-worker. So many victims are completely isolated without any support and your willingness to help find options is critical to this woman. WEAVE operates a confidential Safehouse program for victims of domestic violence throughout the greater Sacramento region. If she is willing and qualifies for the program, she would have housing and many onsite supportive services – including accessing safe housing. The first step for your colleague would be to call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. She can talk with an advocate about her situation and options. The advocate will also talk with her about creating a safety plan and can initiate the Safehouse intake process if this is appropriate and what she wants to do. In addition to the Safehouse program, WEAVE offers counseling and legal assistance which may be of interest although we recognize the challenges when a victim is being monitored by an abuser on a constant basis. We also wanted to extend another service to you as her employer. WEAVE provides a training aimed at supervisors and HR professionals called “Silence Doesn’t Work Here”. The training helps educate employers about what to look for if they suspect domestic violence, how to effectively support a victim, how to create policies which support victims in the workplace and advises HR professionals about legal protections for victims in the workplace. We recognize the timing of this training may be too sensitive right now but want you to be aware it is available if you are interested. The training can be requested by calling WEAVE’s Business Line at 916.448.2321and asking to speak with the Prevention & Education Lead who can schedule the presentation. Thank you again for the support you are showing and your efforts to help. Isolation is what keeps many victims in a violent relationship and even just one supportive person can be all that it takes to help a victim take the next step.
 
Hi i am 25 and had to move back in with my parents to both help us financialy. Due to my dad being laid off and my fiance being injured at work. I really didnt want to move home due to the verbal abuse I new I was going to experiance again from my father. As to make things worse about a month ago I called the cops on my father for pushing me and my fiance as a verbal assult
escalted and we were tring to talk him down he was not to come back to the house for the night but my mother continuosly feels guilty cause he doesn’t have any where to go allowing him to continue with his behavior. I’m not sure of my rights due to its not my house and its my father and my mother allows herself and us to be constantly verbaly assaulted. I worrie cause I am soon to deliver and not sure that I can just pick up and leave yet know I cannot
bring my child into this let alone the effects that it may have already had on her.
 
Family violence can be very stressful and no one deserves to be physically or verbally assaulted. Please know that you are not alone and you do have options. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about your situations and brainstorm solutions. This will also help you to discover what resources the community has to offer that may be able to help you through this difficult time. WEAVE’s counselors are available 24/7 on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also find it helpful to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session here at WEAVE. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
my sister inlaw has learning difficluties and had her baby taken by social services. shes with the father still and she beats him for silly things like wanted a bath she has ocd so has baths 2-3 times a day. its getting bad lately she has been married for a year in march. he is a illegal citizen in the uk from tunisa. she is saying she wants a baby. what should I do i fell terrible for him. she has a bad reputation she cheats and sleeps around. help It sounds like your family is in a difficult situation and is in need of support. It is important to support him and let him know that he does have options besides staying in the violent relationship. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the Greater Sacramento Region you may find it helpful to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources, support and options. Their 24 hour support line can be reached by calling 800-799-7233
What if you have stay away order but he comes around. I am scared to tell him, to leave he tells me I would be taken care of if I cross him again. Please help Dealing with a violent relationship can be very stressful and it is important to know you do have options and support. When it comes to a restraining order there can be serious consequences if the order is violated. It is important to document any threats and contact law enforcement anytime you feel you are in danger. You may also consider putting together a safety plan to help you protect yourself and leave quickly if needed. WEAVE’s counselors can help you with options either in person or over the phone. You may contact a counselor anytime by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. You may also wish to meet with a counselor in person for assistance and resources by attending a free legal triage session. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
im the noncustodial parent and my daughter has lived with me for 30 months. Her father was very controlling and verbally abusive and i signed a document stating that he can keep physical custody of her so that he would not have to ever pay child support. I signed so that he would let her ome live with me in Texas. He has not provided for her at all financially and threatend that he will come take her if i file for child support. The few times he calls he yells at her for not calling him although she just turned ten. A week ago she told her counselor that he would hold her under freezing water on a daily basis because he said she midbehaved and was a bad girl. She is scared and doesn’t want to go to school because she thinks he will come get her. She is attending counseling and told the counseler she wants to leave the united states to be far from him. I dont know what to do. Do i report this to the police. Im scared that if he finds out my address and i confront him he will come and take her because he has legal custody. What do i do. I dont have money for an attorney and legal aid is not helping. I want my daughter to feel safe. I want to feel safe. He is a scary person when upset and is very difficult to talk to. He is now a pastor and said that no one would believe us anyways because she took so long to tell someone Survivors of domestic violence face many obstacles both before and after leaving an abusive partner. Child custody can be especially challenging but it is important to know that you do have options. You can contact law enforcement, now matter how long ago the abuse happened. WEAVE knows, and so does law enforcement, that children aren’t always able to tell us right away when something bad happens. It is important to protect her and believe her now that she has come forward. If he is hurting her, and punishing her in abusive way then the issue of legal custody can be readdressed by the courts. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Area you may find it helpful to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources and support by calling 800.621.4673. You may also find it helpful to speak with your daughter’s counselor for guidance and to determine your next steps. There are many resources to help you through this who will believe you and help you, and your daughter, to heal. 
Are there any support groups for people who have recently left an abusive marriage? After over a decade of (mostly emotional, but some physical) abuse, I secretly moved out while he was away but feel really alone and abandonded by many of our mutual friends who don’t know of his abuse and have given me the cold shoulder. He moved me 500 miles away from all of my family before he started the abuse, so – while I’m glad to be out – I feel isolated and would like to listen to or maybe talk with other people who are in or have been in a similar situation. First, I want to commend you for having the courage to escape abuse and ask for help. Emotional and physical abuse are never part of a healthy relationship and WEAVE knows that survivors often need a support system to help them heal. WEAVE offers both group and individual counseling to accommodate the needs of survivors at every stage of the healing process. Attending a free triage session is the first step towards accessing our counseling services, and triage is offered as a walk in service on multiple days at two different locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. If you are outside of the Sacramento area you may wish to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to locate services in your area at 800.621.4673
I do not have an issue with an ex boyfriend. My issue is with my sister. She has been so verbally abusive towards me. I was losing sleep because of it. I told her to never contact me again. My doctor does not want me to be under extra stress. Well, she emailed me and said horrible things to me. She never threatened me. She just said things that would make anyone feel worthless and horrible. I was so upset that I vomited after reading it. What can I do to make her leave me alone? Can I contact police or get a restraining order when she lives in nanometer state? We are both adults. I am pregnant and having complications, my doctor does not want me to be under stress. Family violence, whether verbal or physical, can be very stressful and have a negative impact on our lives. There are several options you have including making a report to law enforcement or trying to obtain a restraining order. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about what your sister has done to you and review your options for moving forward. You can call WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line anytime to speak with a counselor at 916.920.2952
I recently signed a warrant on my husband who i have been separated from for a year for threatening to kill me on my voicemail at work. I left him after 15 years of a very rocky roller coaster of physical, emotional, and financial abuse. He is currently in jail and because of unpaid traffic tickets he will not get out for three weeks. He has never been in jail for more than a night. The voicemails from my job were erased after 7 days and now I feel i do not have a case. He has threatened to take my children, kill me, call child protective services, slander me on facebook and to all of my friends and relatives, etc. Leaving him has really been a nightmare for me. He told me that he will find me wherever I go. I am extremely scared and I don’t feel that my counselor, lawyer or police officers know what type of danger I am in, and I have no more evidence. I dread the day he gets out. I don’t know what to do. I feel I made a mistake and put my life and my children’s in greater danger than ever.
 
Reporting an abusive partner is a very big step, which can be scary and very emotional for a survivor. Please do not doubt yourself as you absolutely did the right thing for your safety and that of your children. It is important to document everything you remember from the voicemail or from any past instances of abuse. You may wish to contact law enforcement and ask if any of the officers heard the voicemail/threats, if so it will be mentioned in their reports which would validate the threats. WEAVE offers free legal assistance and you may attend a triage session with a legal advocate to assess your situation. WEAVE offers legal triage at two locations; our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. You may also speak to a phone counselor anytime by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
my on and off boyfriend which is also the father of my daughter and my unborn son is abusive from time to time.. i dont agree and like it and have tried to leave him so many times but each time i do and he finds me at my parents house he ends up making a scene at my parents house which forces
me to just go ahead and just do what he says and go with back with him. well i am 8 mos pregnant and i want to get out of this abusive relationship. the last time he hit me was a couple days ago and he pretty much was hitting me while i had was almost laying flat on the ground on my stomach and when my daughter woke up from the noise (she is only 19 mos) he backed off for a
quick second but continued to hit me and bang my head on the wall which gave me 2 big lumps on my forehead and a small laceration on my head. i managed to get out of the house with the car keys and ran to the car and took off… i asked my friend to pick up the car and drop it back off to him so that he
would not have a reason to come back and see me. i wish i should have called
the cops and reported the incident but i am afraid he would retaliate since thats the type of person he is. he is gang affiliated and is known to be violent by people from the streets. i want to do something about it but i dont know where to start or what to do since i have 2 older children who are from a previous relationship that are currently living with my parents but i want to be with them and raise them but not while i am having this problem and fear from this guy
 
Survivors of domestic violence can face many challenges that make leaving an abusive partner difficult. Please know that the abuse you have endured is not your fault and that you do have options. It is never too late to contact law enforcement if you feel that your life, or your children’s lives are in danger. You may also qualify for a domestic violence restraining order and temporary safe shelter. WEAVE offers many services including free legal assistance and can help you to create a safety plan as you take the next step to a life free of abuse. You may speak to a phone counselor, anytime, on our 24 Hour Support and Information line by calling 916.319.4907. You may also wish to speak to a counselor in person at a free triage session. WEAVE offers triage at two locations; WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  
My husband hit my two times. One with baseball bat and his hands also few days ago he hit me with a chair the chair and bat left mark on my body I have pictures. I am very afraid because he said many times he will kill me and my family we have a little dog and he also says he will kill the puppy with the baseball bat. My husband never let me call for help. He always says he is sorry. He cried every time I try to leave him. I don’t know what to do. I also lost the baby when he hit me with baseball bat. He is very aggressive and he is always screaming u made a few videos with iPhone too. There is no excuse for the violence and loss that you have endured, and love should never hurt. Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles that make leaving an abuser difficult, including threats of violence. Although it may feel as though you do not have any options, you do have resources that can help you leave safely and you are not alone. Putting together a safety plan in an important first step, and you want to be sure and save any pictures, videos or written threats. You may also consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order to further ensure you are protected. WEAVE has many services that you can utilize including; temporary shelter, counseling and legal assistance. To access WEAVE’s services and understand your options please call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 from a safe phone. If you feel that your life is in danger we urge you to call 9-1-1 right away for your safety.  If you are unable to call for help you can come to WEAVE and meet with a counselor in person for a free triage assessment.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
Hi do u have a helpline in india. I am living in my parents home with my child for last two years because of abusive husband and always demanding inlaws, he is not giving me divorce also and harassing me thru sms,s my child is juz 4 yrs n it is very tough for me to survive alone as i go to work also and he stays with my mom who is not very fir to keep child for whole day please suggest how i can come out of this harassment and can get divorce easily While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento California region, there are domestic violence services available to you in India who may be able to help. I was able to find a center called the Domestic Violence Information Cell in India, with a helpline and website where you may also ask for advice and assistance. They may also be able to provide you with other local resources. Website: https://domesticviolences.com/home.php HOTLINE 98640-47886
i need help NOW. (edited for content) has kicked my pregnant belly resulting in the lossof my innocent baby (edited for content) i fear for my life and is there a way to check out a large insurance policy on myself? (edited for content) I need to move quick but no money until !st and i fear that is too far away.  PLEASE HELP, my life lieterally depends on it. If i don not leave anoher mess. (edited for content) It sounds like you are in a dangerous situation and are in need of immediate help.  If your life is in danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of law enforcement for your safety.  For resources, assistance and support you may contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  WEAVE also offers free legal services and you may also attend a free triage session for assistance.  Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
My husband is at times violent..we have a 5 yr old son that he is crazy over. Hin the oast the abuse has consisted of verbal..physical abuse which included choking..rape..and threatsof murder.  He has threatened me multiple times if i think of leaving him and taking his sone away..even when i assured him he could see him as often as he wants. I work but we live oaycheck to paycheck..i dont know where to turn to leave..i don’t have enough money..i dont know what to do..any advice would be apreciated ..thank u..and god bless It sounds like you are enduring many types of abuse and intimidation. Please know that you are not alone and there are multiple resources available to help you leave safely. A good first step is to work out a safety plan to make this process less stressful. You may also consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order, further protecting you and your son. WEAVE offers legal assistance, safety planning assistance and we also have a confidential domestic violence Safehouse you may qualify for. If you have a safe phone please call our 24 Hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 and a phone counselor will assist you. You may also attend a free triage session face to face with a counselor to assess your needs and provide you with resources and options. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. If you feel your life is in danger please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Are there services available for re-location? It appears there is a very large social group that likes to degrade people deliberately and some our in the “Legal Offices”. They have hacked through my entire life, released very private information and I am “eaves dropped” on 24/7. They are on my phone line, computer, etc… and have no concept of what stop means and their information is not correct.  This has been going on for over 15 years and I would prefer to locate to a different State. Any help appreciated? Victim witness protection programs vary by state and are the source for relocation assistance. Here in California you may wish to contact the CalVCP helpline at 800.777.9229 with questions about relocation. You may also contact WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line for additional referrals and support by calling 916.920.2952
where can i go in south sacramento to get away from an abusive husband i am pregnant and dont want any more harm done to me n my unborn child i am scared and want a new life I cant deal with it no more?   Living with abuse can be very frightening and reaching out for help is an important first step.  You are not alone and you do have options.  WEAVE offers free counseling triage at our South Sacramento location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Monday’s from 4pm-7pm.  There you will be able to safely speak to a counselor about your situation and your options.  They will also be able to provide you with information about our domestic violence safehouse.  If you do reach a safe phone we can be reached anytime, 24 hours a day, at 916.920.2952.  If you feel that your life, or that or your unborn child, is in danger please do not hesitate to call 9-1-1 for assistance.
que es uagrm Lo siento mucho pero no entiendo su pregunta; por favor llame a nuestra línea de 24 horas de apoyo e información para hablar con alguien en Español. 916.920.2952 
I’m not sure if this is domestic violence or not. I found a recording device in my bedroom and my husband had been recording our arguments. When I confronted him we got into a huge fight. When I wouldn’t let him off the hook, he threatened to kill himself. (edited for length and content)  It sounds like you are facing a very challenging and complex situation.  You may find speaking to one of our phone counselors helpful in processing what has happened and brainstorming solutions.  Please contact our 24 Hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952
hi i have had a argument with my ex partner he an i had words over a few things i ad gotten really upset an hit him as I’ve had alot of built up anger also but in the end he hit me an i now have a black eye an i want to lay charges but im worried that he can use this as a self defence?? can someone help with what i should do?? Calling law enforcement to report that a crime occurred can be helpful in obtaining a restraining order and to be better protected in the future. You may find it useful to speak to a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line to help you determine what the best course of action will be. You may reach a counselor by calling 916.920.2952.
me an my three kids are in a dv shelter i have not been able to find a job and none of the houseing programs will help i am so very motivatied to work i really want to get my independece back but i am haveing a very hard time who could help me Survivors of domestic violence face many obstacles while working towards independence and a violence free future. Please know that you are not alone and there are many resources available to help you. You may speak to a WEAVE phone counselor 24 Hours a day by calling our Support and Information Line 916.920.2952. Also, if you are outside of the Sacramento area, it may be helpful for you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your area at 800-799-7233
If my husband is showing signs of increased anger, and he has hit me one time in the past, what are my rights in getting him out of the house before violence happens.  It sounds like you are experiencing the tension phase in the cycle of abuse, in this phase you will see increased anger, aggression and tension. If you fear that your husband will become physically violent it may be a good idea to put together a safety plan and apply for a domestic violence restraining order. You may find it useful to attend a free legal triage session here at WEAVE to learn more about your options. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. For additional information and referrals you may also contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952. If at any time you feel unsafe we urge you to call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement. 
My threatened to punch me the other night and said that i eas in her face. She pushed me into her dresser and was glaring at me saying i was disrespectful to her. I had just gotten back fro a business trip and saw her walking the dogs on my way home. I stopped and said hello and saiid in a joking way.. “get over her and give me a kiss.” She did and later said I don’t know how to talk to a woman which led to the above confrontation. She is also texting a man she went to school with and is behind secretive about it. He’s in another state and I have not confronted her about this yet. I’m not sure what to do as we have three kids..I love my wie and she continues to find fault in all that do. The only way she seems to come around is when I ignore her and the she seems to be interested in me. I know all of this sounds lame and I feel like I’m not manning up…I just donot know what to do? Please pray for me Threats of physical violence and aggression are never part of a healthy relationship, and WEAVE recognizes that both men and women can experience domestic violence. Reaching out is an important and courageous first step for anyone, regardless of gender. It sounds like you are experiencing several types of domestic violence, none of which are your fault. You may find it beneficial to speak with a counselor about your relationship either individually or eventually as a couple. WEAVE offers free counseling triage at two locations. Triage is a one on one assessment with a counselor where you can discuss your relationship and learn about your options. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  

Can som one please help me?  I was beaten almost to death and then held hostage for days.  I eventually escaped and gto a hospital where detectves were called in. The couple were arrested and then release on bond. Every month for a year the case was postponed. Now they tried the case individually, first the woman and then the man. The women’s charges were reduto a mistermeanor. and she requested a jury trial where then she was found not guilty. The man’s charges were 3rd degree felony for strangulation. I have a brain injury and many other medical problems due to this. The courts ended up reducing his charges to a mistermeas well after a year of gettin supeaned and being tortured with trying to get help me too gets away with everything. When I talked to the state attorney he said he can do what ever he wants because he does not represent me. Please advise? They have excepted me for victim comp but have already taken that away before I can eve use it. 

Navigating the court system can be a very frustrating process. Please know you are not alone and WEAVE’s Legal Department may be able to help you with options. You may find it useful to attend a free legal triage session here at WEAVE to learn your rights and options. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. For additional information and referrals you may also contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952
A couple of days ago I was physically assaulted by a guy that I was considering dating. He stole money frim me and stole my cell phone at the time. It contained some personal information in it that I later found our he used. He also called my manager and told her liea to try to get me put out. He harrasses me at my moms house and leaves messages on her cell phone. He got these numbers out of my phone he stole.  What can I do because I no longer feel safe at my home with my kids?  I’m sorry to hear what you and your family are experiencing as no one should ever feel unsafe in their own home. It is important to know that assault, theft and harassment are against the law and pressing charges may be a good first step in ensuring your safety and that of your children. Depending on the situation you may want to consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order. You may also find it useful to attend a free legal triage session here at WEAVE to learn your rights and options. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If at any time you feel threatened or unsafe we urge you to contact law enforcement.   
hi i am recently married and my husband yelled and pushed around his sister but i didn’t think he would do it to me, it started with just yelling and then pushing and choking and throwing me around i want him to get
help he is going to counceling but she doesnt know what goes on.. i dont want to leave him, im scared but i want to stay with him. ive tried everything crying only seems to egg him on if i get mad it doesnt help and if i dont say anything he gets more mad… i don’t know what to do when is it time to do something about it? he always says sorry and buys me nice things but i just
am lost…
 
Love should never hurt and there is no excuse for the abuse that you have already endured. Physical and emotional violence can both be very frightening and can take a toll on us mentally. It sounds like your husband is violent with his family members as well as with your relationship, and that behavior is absolutely not your fault. It may be a good idea for you to talk with one of the counselors here at WEAVE about what you are experiencing, safety planning and the options that you have. Phone counselors are available on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also wish to speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session at one of two locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  If you feel that your life is in danger we urge you to call 911 for your safety.   
My baby mother is being abusive and aggressive what can I do A healthy relationship should never include abuse or aggression. WEAVE knows that both women and men can experience domestic violence and having the courage to ask for help is an important first step. WEAVE offers services, including legal help, temporary shelter and counseling for victims of domestic violence. You may speak to a counselor over the phone, on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952. You may also wish to come in for a free legal triage session at one of two locations. This will help you better understand your rights and the choices you have moving forward. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If at any time you feel unsafe we urge you to call law enforcement for assistance. 
I’ve left my  husband yesterday with my 3 kids. He’s saying he will call the cops and they will put an Amber alert out on me.  I have never been in trouble and have no police record. What should I do? It sounds like you and your family are in a very difficult situation. If you are leaving your husband due to domestic violence you may want to consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order. The order will not only increase your safety, but that of your children as well. You can also request for temporary custody of your children as part of the order. The family court house, located at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, holds restraining order workshops on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 8:45am. The workshop is located in the Self-Help Computer Room, #113A. No appointment is necessary, but it is wise to arrive early as space is limited. WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line can also offer you additional resources and assistance with safety planning. Phone counselors can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.  
I am disabled with brain cancer and my mother throw me on the ground i hit my head first then i beat her up. we both got domestic assult How do I pled not guilty in court and will she go to jail? Physical violence from a family member can be very upsetting and traumatic. Everyone deserves to live in a place where they feel safe and secure. It will be up to the district attorney and the court system to decide whether or not anyone will be jailed over this incident. WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line can help you discover your options and resources through the court system as well as options for counseling when you are ready. To reach a phone counselor today please call 916.920.2952.  
My partner has been physically and verbally abusing me for a while.  This evening i locked him out and when istupidly let him back in to avoid the neighbours becoming aware he pushed and pulled me. Grabved me punch the wall past my face and i scratched his arm to get him away/off me. I have no marks other than him keeping my house&car keys from me for the evening so i couldnt go anywhere. I have a 9 month old baby and he constantly twists things to
make it look like im not coping and im ‘unravelling’ i dont know what to do. We rent a property we have a 6 month lease on. He says things to undermine me
and make think that perhaps im not coping. I dont know what to do as i feel noone will believe what is going on as especially he has sratch marks now on his arm. Please help me.  
First, I would like to commend you for reaching out. Asking for help is an important and courageous first step towards healing. There is never an excuse for abusive behavior in any relationship, and it sounds like you are enduring several forms of abuse from your partner. We all deserve to be treated with respect and supported by the ones we love. Please know that you do have options, you are not alone and we absolutely believe you. WEAVE offers many services for survivors of domestic violence including counseling, help with obtaining temporary restraining orders, temporary shelter and safety planning. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also wish to attend a free legal triage session, and speak to an advocate about options to ensure your safety and the safety of your child. Legal Triage is offered at two locations: Thursdays from 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). At the triage session we can provide you information on your next steps. If at any time you feel unsafe we do encourage you to call 911 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement.

Hi I live in California. My ex was arrested over a year ago for domestic violence. He had a cpo that kept him away from the house I have with my daughter. The charges were dropped and now he is saying he wants to stay in her room til he finds a place. We are both on the original lease, though it expired years ago. I don’t want him here. What can I do?

WEAVE’s Legal Department might be able to assist you, as you do have options in terms of your lease. Your civil protective order should still be in place, even if the district attorney did not pursue the charges against your ex. You may access our free legal services by attending a triage session on Thursdays from 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). At the triage session we can review your case and provide you information on your next steps. For more information you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 

My daughter and her 5 children just escaped from a violent and abusive home.  They are living with me and my husband. They all need counseling to deal
with all of this.Dad has a temporary restraining order and is calm for the moment.  Do you have group meetings for women and for children. She needs a lot of support right now. Thanks!

It sounds like your daughter has taken the right steps so far to keep herself and your grandchildren safe. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of domestic violence and their children to assist with the healing process. WEAVE offers group and individual counseling for adults as well as individual counseling for children. To learn more you may contact our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. Your daughter may also wish to stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Your daughter will want to attend the triage session alone and can discuss accessing services for the children at that time as well.
 When I was 17 (13 years ago) I was in a really bad domestic abuse relationship.  I was able to leave and slowly became the person I love today.  However the last three/four weeks I have memories come back making difficult to sleep.  I have turned back into the last person I was right after I left him.  My kids can’t touch me cause if the pain.  Other people have noticed and have asked but I can’t/wont tell them.  I need some type of help Memories of abuse can have very lasting effects for survivors and healing can often be a lifelong process. Sometimes an event or a stressful situation can cause a survivor to trigger, bringing back the painful memories of the past. Recognizing what is happening is an important first step toward overcoming this trigger. The feelings you are experiencing are normal and you do not have to face this alone. WEAVE’s counselors are available on the phone or in person to help you. You may contact a phone counselor 24 hours a day by calling 916.920.2952 or you may stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
My ex won’t stop calling me a bitch, jobless loser, wishing me dead, telling me I am a pathetic excuse for a mother etc… The list goes on.  I am getting to a point where I can not emotionally handle it anymore and
starting to think he is right. Is there any legal way to make him stop? 
Emotional abuse can have very negative effects for survivors and their children. Recognizing the abuse and understanding it is not your fault are important first steps. In terms of stopping your ex from continuing this abuse you do have options. WEAVE offers many resources for survivors of abuse including counseling, legal assistance and a 24 Hour Support and Information Line that can be reached anytime by calling 916.920.2952. To access WEAVE’s free legal services please attend our legal triage, which takes place on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm at our counseling center located at 1900 K Street in Downtown Sacramento.  

My husband was not physically abusive, but he did things like not let me leave the house and accuse me of having the devil in me. He was horribly abusive emotionally. He died before I got up the courage to divorce him, and because of that I can’t change my name (I don’t want his name

anymore!) without paying the courts $430. I’m on disability, in part because
of what he did to me, but my income is just over the limit to have that fee waived. Do you know of any program or organization that might be able to help pay even part of that fee, given the circumstances? If we had divorced this change wouldn’t cost anything. This isn’t fair. Thanks for your help.
 

It is important to remember that not all forms of abuse require physical harm and that emotional abuse can have serious effects. WEAVE offers numerous services to survivors of domestic violence including counseling at sliding scale fees. It may be helpful to speak to someone about the emotions and the loss you have experienced. WEAVE also offers a 24/7 Information and Support Line that can refer you to legal services in the community as well as services designed to financially assist those on disability. You can reach a phone counselor anytime by calling 916.920.2952.
   

I’ve been with my kids father for 7 years and he has physically abused me in front of my kids. He threatened me earlier saying if i leave with the kids and he finds me, he will break my face and doesn’t care if he goes to jail. He also threatened to take my kids away. Will the courts grant him custody even after he has abused and threatened me in front of my children?

I am very sorry to hear that your children’s father is being physically abusive and making threats. It is important to know that you do have options and that you do not have to face this alone. An important first step is to create a safety plan by identifying escape routes from your home, important documents, important keys and a safe place to stay. Another important step is to file for a domestic violence restraining order. Phone counselors on WEAVE’s 24/7 Information and Support Line are available to assist you with safety planning and information about restraining orders. WEAVE’s Counseling Center, located at 1900 K Street in Midtown, can also provide you with free legal information at our Legal Triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. If you are in a situation where you, or your children, are not safe we encourage you to call 911 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement. 
What effects does verbal abuse have On your emotional being?  Emotional abuse is never part of a healthy relationship. Emotional abuse from an abusive partner may cause the survivor one, or all, of the following: low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and damage a person’s sense of self-worth. WEAVE believes that all forms of abuse have negative repercussions to both survivors and their children who are exposed to the abuse. To learn more please consider speaking to a counselor on WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952.
   
Question Hi, i have been legally married since 96 ive been seperated for about 5 years, i was in such desperation to leave that home that i signed my rights over to him stating i didnt want anything from him do to fear, we have not yet been divorced but i am looking to do so, i got him arrested in 08 and retained a order of protection can i still get what is owed to me, like anuity, pension, asset, etc.?  Depending on the legal status of your current marriage you may be able still request the court to have your husband compensate you for what is legally yours. To do so, you will need to complete the dissolution of marriage process. If you are a resident of Sacramento County, WEAVE might be able to assist you through the process for free. To determine if we can assist you, please bring all your family law paperwork that you completed to a free Legal Triage that takes place on Thursdays from 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). At the triage session we can review your case and provide you information on your next steps.
A family member’s ex-boyfriend beat her up, broke out the windows in her car, burned her house down, and threatened her and her families lives. She got away and he got caught and is in jail. He is now going down on his third strike. She has a daughter 18 with cerebral palsy and a disabled young
man of 18 also in her care. They are staying temporarily with family. They need housing, furniture, anything. Can WEAVE help them get into a home or apartment? 
WEAVE may provide services that can assist your family member, and also refer her to other agencies for additional services. In addition to the counseling services she might benefit from, WEAVE also has a program for our clients to assist them with low cost house-hold items though our WEAVE Thrift store. Please inform your family member that counselors are available to speak with her to provide her both with emotional support and resources at 916.920.2952.
how can i escape my abusive husband?  he is emortionally verbally and mentally abusive im trapped he controls me and is manipulative he swears yells and blames me for everything i cant take it no more please help  There are many resources that can increase your safety if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. Please speak to one of our counselors on WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line to learn about all your resources at 916.920.2952.
My husband was arrested for domestic violence.We have been married for 26 years.we came to usa 4years and have green card.I love him though has
been abusive ..we are from Pakistan where it is man’s world.I have a 22year, 21, year sons. We all agree to bail him .After bail i understand he will live seperate but are there other responsibility my son will have to undergo and does he have to sign any other papers or bond.  
Because you have been a victim of a crime the District Attorney’s Office has already gotten involved by pressing criminal charges against your husband. You may contact the Domestic Violence Prosecution Unit at 916.874.6171, and someone in their office should be able to answer for you, or direct you to someone who can. To gain information about other services available to you, and gain emotional support please consider calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.295.
I been with my husband 10yrs I didnt get to finish school didnt get to work no experience n anything he just throew me out and keep my boys because I have nothing and am nobodu what can I do can he just keep my boys like that im only nobody with nothing becausr of him  Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles that make leaving their abusive partner challenging. Though you may feel you do not have any options, and are stuck in a hopeless situation. You do have options, and you do have people to support you through the process. WEAVE provides many services that makes the process easier, and safer for the survivor when they choose to leave an abusive partner. To learn more about the services WEAVE offers, and get connected with additional resources here in Sacramento, please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, and take the next step to a life free of violence as countless others have done before you. 

How do you leave when you have two young children, and he helps you with both? I work full-time at a very demanding job and I also go to school so he helps out with the kids so that I could get school work done. The younger one is 22-month old and she’s a totally handful. Daycare is also expensive.
 
Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles that make leaving their abusive partner challenging. For some survivors the challenge is transportation, childcare, or employment, just to name a few. The good news is thanks to our community’s support WEAVE provides many services that makes the process easier, and safer for the survivor when they choose to leave an abusive partner. To learn more about the services WEAVE offers, and get connected with additional resources here in Sacramento, please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, and take the next step to a life free of violence as countless others have done before you.  
I was a victim of domestic violence 9/10/12, I have been advised by several friends/family that WEAVE might be able to help me with decision and guidance with the legal process as well the emotional stress I am experiencing??? please advise   WEAVE’s Legal Department might be able to assist you with your family law matters if your case is here in Sacramento County. Our Legal Department provides limited services to assist survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault at no cost. Before coming to our Legal Triage at either our Mid-Town or south Sacramento location, you might want to speak to a counselor on our 24-Hour Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952 to confirm that our services are appropriate for you. Our counselors can provide you emotional support, and give you information about our counseling services too. Our free Legal Triage takes place on Thursdays from 10am-1pm at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4pm-7pm at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I)
Not sure what to do. Have been beaten twice in 20 years by my brother. This last time was over Labor Day Weekend where I was stuck in acar on the freeway with him and he kept beating me with his free hand/arm as he drove. I suffered a black eye and cuts and bruises to my face. I thought I was o.k. but a friend told me I should get support as I was terrorized for about an hour an a half. Where do I start?  WEAVE knows that family violence is not healthy component to a supportive and loving family. There are several options that you have including making a report to law enforcement or trying to obtain a domestic violence restraining order. You might find it helpful to talk to a counselor about what your brother did to you, and review your choices. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line could be that support that you are seeking, our counselors can be reached at 916.920.2952

Do you check the story of the victim because i know someone that says she’s getting aid from your program who lives with her grandmother and I feel she is trying to hide from the law and her kids father who is seeking custody.  My wife and I are concerned about the kids.  We have to go get them have not called cps because dont want to put the kids through that again. (Question edited to remove identifying details)

Your concern for the children in this situation is important and if you believe the children’s welfare is in danger, contacting CPS is important to ensure their well-being can be protected.  WEAVE’s services are available to any victim of domestic violence or sexual assault.  When anyone seeks WEAVE’s services, we believe them and work with them to provide the needed support without questioning as most victims have experienced repeat situations where they were not believed. There is no income requirement for WEAVE services.  WEAVE services include crisis intervention, therapeutic counseling, confidential shelter, and legal advocacy but do not include direct financial aid.  WEAVE’s staff and direct service volunteers are mandated reporters and report any suspected child abuse. 
I don’t know what to do, I was never taught to air my dirty laundry. The verbal and physical abuse, mostly happened behind closed doors. 8 years ago, we were pregnant again. I thought that another baby was going to bring us closer, boy was I mistaken. He came home after being at the bar.   He looked at me and told me to get rid of it, I told him No, that’s when he told me I wasn’t going to have the baby he hit me so hard I buckled, drop to my knees, and cried. When he passed out, I moved us out. A few months after leaving him, he cried, begged and pleaded to give him another chance. He said he changed and had stopped drinking, he told me that wanted his family and that we were going to buy a house and for my son and I to move back home and that things were going to be better. It changed for a little bit but not long after I moved us back home he went right back to his old ways,” what my husband wants my husband gets”, I woke up about 1am, with what i could only describe as my water breaking.  I told him something was wrong, He said call him if anything went wrong and he fell right back asleep.   I had to drive
myself to the emergency department all alone, cramping, scared and in pain. Not even ten minutes after getting to emergency department I was alone when I miscarried our baby.I called and told him,I lost’ed the baby. His response
well I don’t think I’m going to make it to the hospital, I will just meet you at your parents when I get off. He had went to work as if nothing ever
happened.20 years of being with my first love, I had never expected it to be like this. Then when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the worst of all my fears came true, I found out he had been having an affair, come to find out it wasn’t his first either..The verbal and physical abuse all the emotional damage I couldn’t take it anymore. I got out a year and a half ago, he is
still married to me but has been making it known to the public he is with someone else, but he mentions to me that Im lucky nothing has happened to me and warns me of things that will happen if I divorce him. Telling me I’m not getting anything,and that I better have a great lawyer because if I make it
I’m going to need it. He has taken my name off of our vehicles and motorcycles, he says he care about our son but wont financially support him. He warns me about trying to take anything from him. Can I skip filing for
legal separation and file for divorce. I don’t even know how to file. But most of all I am frightened that if I put a restraining order on him he will retaliate and take my son. This is just a small portion of my life, so many
fears what do I do first. 
Based on your experiences it is understandable that you are concerned for your safety, and you are taking serious your husband’s threats. The process for a divorce in Sacramento County is relatively easy, and many couples complete the process without the assistance of a lawyer (WEAVE always suggests if you can afford an attorney you hire one as the services provided makes the process much easier). If you cannot afford an attorney you may choose to attend our free workshop that includes all the forms you will need to start the divorce process that is held the second Thursday of each month, from 6:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m., at our counseling center: 1900 “K” Street, Sacramento, 95811. A domestic violence restraining order in addition to increasing you safety, can include a court ordered child custody plan that your husband would need to follow until the divorce is finalized. To try to obtain a temporary domestic restraining order you will need to go to the Family Law Courthouse. To learn more about your options please call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at916.920.2952. 
Im involved in a court trial that satrts in Oct. Im the victim of this crime and I am affarid to tell the truth. Ive been threatend by the man eho i once loved verry much. He has the pull to completely expose me n all my secrets. IF HES NOT OUT HERE THEN HIS 6DAUGHTERS ARE AND THEY HAVE ALWAYS CAUSED ME HELL. I want to tell the D. A. evertthing buy ive lied so much for him because im affarid of loosing my husband of 6montjs. please help me.  The court system may seem scary, intimidating, confusing, and even overwhelming at times for survivors of crimes. Luckily, through the District Attorney’s Office there are Victim Advocates that provide an incredibly valuable service. They are able to provide emotional support, explain the process, and connect survivors with additional services. Though WEAVE can never predict the outcome of a trail (no one can), we always encourage survivors to always be truthful when speaking to the court system. To gain additional support please contact our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

What do I do?? I was only helping him with a place to stay & he is abusive to me and an alcoholic.  I have called police several times,They will do nothing!

I am scared to go home. He is drunk & angy when I get there, I am afraid, I pay all the bills, it is my apartment!! I have no where to go. I work, and want to be left in peace. I feel frustrated, as if there is nothing I can do! Please help. 

To remain in the home safely you might consider obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. You may choose to either attend a free workshop that is held at the Family Law Courthouse three times a week, or by completing the paperwork on your own. If you are granted a temporary domestic violence restraining order it may order him not to have contact with you in any form, and to stay 100 yards away from you and your home. Another option for you might be to leave your home at stay at our Safehouse. To learn more about the different options you have, and to help decide what is best for you, please call the WEAVE’s 24- Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have options, and WEAVE is here to help you though whatever process you choose. 

have been with my husband for two years. I love him very much but I am so confused. The abused started off with tight hugs while I was pregnant then they advanced over the last year to choking and punching me. He has been arrested 3 times for hitting me. He has no problem with being violent in public he busted my window in front of my children school.

I am very successful and my family would never expect anything. My heart is broken and I never expected I would be in this situation. He already has a no negative contact order and shortly awaits his punishment for his public violence. Its crazy because its like he doesn’t care when he gets mad if someone calls the cops …if he isn’t in a rage he is a sweet heart! I want ti keep my family together and he says he does too. Now that DCS is involved they say if he has one more rage my kids are coming out the house. I just want ti cry over and over again. We recently moved to a new city were I don’t know anyone have been looking into child care …Does anyone know were I can look and How stupid do I seem. I am 32 and my mother would be so disappointed in me. I am
in a inter racial relationship and my family already had an issue with that. I am so confused about it all. 

There is never an excuse for the abusive behavior you have already endured. Hopefully expressing your experiences with others will help your healing from the abuse, and allow you to focus on what you would like your future to look like for you and your children. To learn more about our services please consider either calling our 24- Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, or stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. In addition WEAVE’s Support Line has referrals to childcare programs in Sacramento County.  
 I am a domestic violence survivor. I was attacked my my husband in 2009. It was a very brutal and traumatizing stabbing. I am looking to grt involved with some sort of support group, counciling, or even case management program. I just moved her from another state where I was working with a local agency. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression and im feeling a little isolated at the moment. I just need some kind of support
services. Would WEAVE be able to help me? 
The services WEAVE offers to survivors of domestic violence are available for those still in an abusive relationship, thinking about leaving an abuser, planning to leave an abuser, or those like you that have left an abusive relationship. Our counseling services assist with the healing process. To learn more you may either call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, or stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. 

 Hi. Im living in a situation where i am being emotionally abused. I have already been diagnosed as depressed and this abuse, name calling belittlement only makes it worse. I cry everyday, feel worthless and i feel trapped. We are both on a lease until next june. Is there anything i can do as far as getting off of the lease? I dont know how much more i can take.

Its affecting both me and my two children, ages 5&6.They are just as miserable as me, and dont want to live here either. My 6 year old daughter cries and locks herself in her room. Is there anything i can legally do to get off the lease for the sake of my kids and i mental health? Is there any programs that are available to me as far as housing? I just got a new job, temp to hire, making only $12.75 an hour. Please get back to me asap. I need to figure out my next move so i can get out of this situation. 

In California there is a lease termination law which went into effect September 27, 2008, that allows people who have a temporary restraining order, emergency protective order, or a police report to end their leases without owing additional rent. The law applies to both private and subsidized housing. To learn more about the law and the process check out:acfjc.org/files/AB2052.pdf.
You might also find it beneficial to speak to a counselor at WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We can give you details about the many services we offer and how to access them, and refer you to additional programs outside WEAVE.
 
Is there an organization similar to WEAVE in Alameda CA? There are organizations like WEAVE throughout California that can provide you with resources and support if you are experiencing domestic violence. Please know that you are not alone. You have options and resources near you, like the Midway Shelter of Alameda which provides services and shelter. Their 24-hour Crisis Hotline is 866.292.9688. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800.621.HOPE (4673) to help locate other resources near you. If you find yourself in danger, we encourage you to consider calling 911 for your safety.
I have been in an unhealthy relationship for 8 years. My boyfriend talked me into leaving my home then bought me a home and evicted me from it. I now have lived with him for 8 months and he is evicting me from his home now. I am financially dependent on him because I have not family nor friend. My friends could not handle the break ups and the pain he caused me in the past, but I kept coming back. He is very wealthy and I am very poor, he controls me with money and threats of abandonment. I dont know what to do, I work part time but nothing that will keep me in the life style he has afforded me when he wasnt evicting me. I need counseling. I met him while divorcing physically abusive man. WEAVE recognizes five types of abuse – physical, sexual, emotional, financial, and spiritual. The financial abuse you are experiencing in addition to the other types is difficult as housing is such a critical and basic need.  You may benefit from talking with an advocate on our 24 hour Support & Information Line.  They can provide you with emotional support and help you explore options if you choose to exit the relationship.  The Support Line can be reached at 916.920.2952.
I am over 50 and married for over 30 years. Spouse has removed me from bank account and refuses to give me any money. How can I file for divorce, move my belongings and get a place to live. I am currently unemployed but looking. I need to leave before his abusive behavior escalates. He is verbally but not physically abusive. Can I take basic belongings like a bed and sofa or do I need to go to court to separate belongings. I’m afraid if I leave some stuff it will get sold before divorce. I cannot afford an attorney. Can I get a judge to force him to pay for my legal representation? Can I get temporary support order for food and shelter? What if he quits his job, how will I support myself? If I leave can he force me into foreclosure because I cannot afford the house payment and he may choose to stop paying it. How can I get housing if my credit got ruined because he stopped making a credit card payment which forced me into collections? Leaving an abusive relationship can be daunting and you are wise to prepare in advance.  You have a lot of questions and it may be beneficial for you to meet with an advocate.  WEAVE offers walk-in Legal Triage appoints two times per week.  Mondays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. at the WEAVE Wellness Center at 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823 or on Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811.  The appointments are on a first come, first served basis.  During the Legal Triage session, you can meet with a Legal Advocate and learn about your options.  You can also contact WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at any time to receive support and get information about safe shelter and other resources for when you are ready to leave.  The Support Line number is 916.920.2952.

 I don’t know where to begin. I have been with my husband for 7years and it seems like every day is worse than the last.. My husband is not physical but I fear he is emotionally destroying me! I can not talk to him with our him attacking me and when I try my hardest to tell him how I feel he turns it around and makes himself the one who is hurting. I have disconnected myself from friends and even my family. I often wonder if I am going crazy or if I am the one who hurts him the way he says I do. I recently became so angry that I tried to attack a family member. I hurt all the time, I cry and hide my tears because I do not want my children to see me sad. (they are my children he is there step father) I feel out of control and like there is never any hope or happiness around the corner waiting for me.. When we first got together things where fine we made great memories and I could see my self growing old with him. But over time I have witnessed him verbally bash his own children make fun of all our children as well as myself. I feel like I am never good enough or that its my fault he hates his job. I can not talk to him ever with out him screaming at me or using my insecurities to make me feel terrible. Everything is an attack on him, he actually thinks I makes plans to leave him or put money in our joint savings account so I can leave him. The only thing I hold onto for some kind of control is our finances, I manage the bills and our checking account. I sometimes find myself becoming irritated when he spends money, I know it sounds stupid but at the same time its really the only control I feel I have anymore. He makes accusations that I am cheating if I put on a dress, or is snotty at me for trying to look nice. Then when I go to the store in sweat pants he makes comments like ” I am not going with you to the store looking like that” I feel like I am crazy and completely out of control. My family is worried about me all the time and because I think I still have some pride I refuse to listen. I’m scared of him, I have seen what he is capable of, from cutting his wrists and taking pills in a hotel after a huge fight to starving himself till his blood sugar was so low he actually head butted me and claims he doesn’t remember.. I could go on and on.. I really just need to talk with someone and I am not really sure how to start. I really feel like what is happening to me may only be a big deal to me and I think that is the reason I have held it in for as long as I have.. 

It sounds like you are enduring several forms of abuse from your husband, and you are feeling the effects of his abusive behavior. There is never an excuse for abusive behavior, and we all deserve to be treated with respect. Hopefully expressing your experiences with others will help your healing from the abuse, and allow you to focus on what you would like your future to look like. WEAVE’s counseling services can assist you in learning more about healthy relationships, and the options that you have to change the situation that you find yourself in at this time. To learn more please consider either calling our 24- hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, or stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.

I recently left my husband. But how i had to leave was just walk out due to the fact that I was scared that I would be in a violent situation like in the past. Well due to that he took my children and refuse to give them back. He has disenrolled my children out of school making his whereabouts unknown. I just recently found out by tracking the cell phone that he is in pittsburg ca with my children. he does not know that I know where they are. How can I go
about getting my children back besides court.

I want them back before court.They belong with me. I work and he does not. he put them on welfare. and he has a criminal background of domestic violence 

There are two options to gain custody of children in Sacramento County. The first is to try to obtain a domestic violence restraining order. The order not only can increase your safety and that of your children, you can also request for temporary custody of your children. You will still need to go through the process of filing for dissolution of marriage/ legal separation at a later time, but the order will enforceable as soon as the temporary order is granted and your husband is served. The other choice is to file for dissolution of marriage/ legal separation. In addition to resolving property, debts, and assist issues, the process also develops a child custody plan for your family to follow. If either one of you choose not to follow the plan as ordered through the court (for example one of the parents will not return the children as scheduled), then law enforcement can be called to enforce the order. WEAVE has a Legal Department that might be able to assist you, and to learn about the process, and other resources you have please call WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
 My Niece is in a situation where she feels that she cannot say anything to anyone or her boyfriend (father of her baby) will find out. She sent a text out last night asking for help but today when help came to her door she turned them away without a word or eye contact. For the past few weeks she has been dropping hints like her physical address for just in case she needs help. She has small children in the home and I’m concerned she needs more help them what her family can offer with this situation. Any
advice? 
It sounds like you and your family are in a very difficult situation. You want to help your niece, but at this time she is not taking advantage of your assistance. All survivors of domestic violence have the power to choose when and if they leave the abusive relationship. It may be upsetting to you that your niece is not making changes on your timeline. Family and friends can continue to express their concerns to your niece (when the boyfriend is not around), and let her know that there are resources available. If you are concerned for her immediate safety you can connect her local law enforcement and request that they conduct a “welfare check” when they go to her residence and make sure she is physically safe. Also, if you know of or suspect child abuse, you can make a report to Child Protective Services that also may make a visit to the family. Until your niece is safe you are welcome to speak to our counselors on our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about the many services we offer so you can pass that knowledge along to your niece, and you can also get emotional support for yourself so you can continue to be a loving aunt for your niece. 
is there a statute of limitations on reporting domestic violence? Most crimes have a statute of limitations.  It is best to contact the District Attorney’s Office or local law enforcement to learn directly from the experts.  Even if the criminal limitations have expired, you may have civil actions available to you.
I would like to donate/drop off clothing to a local office. I live in zip code 95765; please advise where I can do so, and obtain a receipt for my donation of womens clothing.  Thank you.  WEAVE accepts donations of clothing and small housewares at our WEAVE Thrift Arden thrift store at 2401 Arden Way. Donation hours are Sunday: Noon to 3 pm
Monday – Saturday: 10 am to 3 pm. All donors receive a receipt which meets IRS requirements for claiming a deductible donation at the time of the donation.
I am 18 years old and my father is verbally and physically abusive to my mother, siblings, and me. The smallest thing sends him into a rampage.  He blames every little thing on my mom and then verbally abuses and threatens her, then he proceeds to physically fight with her (my mother does try to defend herself), I have to pull him off of her and then he turns on me. He breaks things, and basically destroys the house. This has gone on for as long as I can remember and it has happened more and more frequently as time’s gone on. My parents can’t afford to get a divorce, my mother does not work because she has to take care of my 5 younger siblings. He threatens her saying that if she does file for divorce he will quit his job or kill himself so he can’t
pay any child support. He knows there is nothing she can do to get herself and us away from him. Recently, he beat up my mom while I was not home and told her if I was home I would’ve also been beat. She will not get help because he told her that if anyone called the cops, he’d “make sure he got his moneys worth” and kill us before he was taken away. I want to call the
police anyway, obviously I can call while he is at work and they will go get him, but if he is in jail or whatever I don’t know what my family would do without his income. I feel like we have to choose between having absolutely nothing or to live with an abusive dad. Is there anything I can do? 
I want to first commend you for reaching out for help, not only for yourself, but for your mother and siblings. Though you and your family may rightly feel scared and trapped, there is assistance available to you and options that your family can choose from. WEAVE suggests that survivors of domestic violence take very seriously the threats of an abuser, and plan accordingly. WEAVE can assist with developing a person safety plan for your family if your mother chooses to leave your father. Often perpetrators make threats, such as not paying child support, but family law court and law enforcement can order otherwise. There is a fee to file for a divorce in Sacramento County, but the fees can be either reduced or even waived if requested. WEAVE conducts a free divorce/legal separation workshop once a month at our counseling center. There are also social service programs that your family may qualify for to help with both financial aid and housing. WEAVE also operates a Safehouse were families can stay that are leaving an abusive partner. To learn more about the many services available to your family through WEAVE, and other local service providers, please contact our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. By learning about services available to your family, you will learn that you have many more choices than just the two of absolutely nothing at all, or living with an abusive father. You are not alone.
About 2 hours ago my husband was arrested for domestic violence. Here is the situation:
My cousin was drinking and got extremely unstable and started punching and
hitting my husband and left a few marks on me (a scratches and a bruise).
After several attempts to get her to calm down (suggesting going to bed,
attempting to give her water which she threw off the balcony) My husband took
defensive action to subdue her.  He called 911 after she kept being violent. The police came and arrested him for domestic assault because she was smaller than him and had marks on her.  Just wondering how I should deal with this and what to expect in the next few days/weeks/months?
I already took pictures of the marks she left on me while she was grabbing me. 
Law enforcement has a very challenging duty to ensure they keep our community safe. It is their job to collect information about a crime committed, and arrest a suspect if they find enough evidence. Law enforcement should have talked to everyone at the scene to determine the facts. Depending on the charges against your husband, he may be held for several days until he goes before a judge, he might be able to be bailed out of jail, or he might simply be released within a few hours. It will be up to the District Attorney’s Office to decide if there is enough evidence to procede with a criminal case against your husband. To learn more about the process of your husband’s specific case I would suggest speaking to both law enforcement and the District Attorney’s Office directly. For both emotional support, and to receive referral numbers, please contact WEAVE’s 24-Hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
Hello, My husband and I have been split up for about 3 months, he is in another state and is threatening to come back here and physically harm me because I will not reconcile with him. What can I do? Can I get a
protective order if he is out of state? We broke up because he is an alcoholic bully who messes around with other women, but he has never physically abused me. He has always made vague threats of violence, and since we split has been virtually stalking me, hacking into my email and social media accounts, calling and texting constantly until I had to get a blocking app to keep him from harrassing me, but has not taken physical action. Is there anything I can do to protect myself Before he escalates to that point? 
Yes you may be able to obtain a domestic violence restraining order even if your husband is in another state. You may choose to either attend a free workshop that is held at the Family Law Courthouse three times a week, or by completing the paperwork on your own. If you are granted a temporary domestic violence restraining order it may order him not to have any contact with you, in any form (i.e., email, phone calls, text, etc.), and to stay 100 yards away from you and your home. To utilize the benefits of the order you will need to have your husband served with a copy of the order. WEAVE’s legal department can assist you by preparing you for the process of going to court to request that your temporary restraining order become permanent. I would also recommend starting a log of all harassing contact from your husband, and save all records of calls and texts too as that will be helpful evidence for the judge to see your need for the restraining order. To learn more about the process, please come to our counseling office during Legal Triage on Thursdays from 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m., or call the Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

One of my dearest friends is in a relationship where his girlfriend freaks out on him regularly. the last few times he has come over with huge scratches on his arms and feeling so low about himself. He is continuing to make excuses for her bad behavior towards him and refuses to break things off because he feels like she needs him and she will eventually change. The other night was the first night we all hung out and by the end of the night she was yelling at him and swinging her arms and it was then that I realized just how abusive she is to him not just physically but emotionally too. Can I help my friend? If so what do I do? I understand I might lose his friendship for a while but it would be worth it to see him not be abused.

A common misconception is that men cannot be abused by women.  Your friend is lucky that you recognize abusive behaviors and want to help him.  Your friend has options when he is ready to take the next step.  WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line (916.920.2952) is a resource for him and you.  Trained advocates answer the line and provide support, resources and referrals.  When your friend is ready, WEAVE can also assist him with options that are best for him including legal advocacy, counseling, etc.  In the meantime, you can let him know you are concerned for his well-being and want to support him.  Abusive partners often try to isolate their victims from friends and family – letting him know you are there to support him is critical.  He may withdraw initially but knowing he has support will be critical when he is ready to end the relationship.
I am with my bf of 3 years and 3 children, my ex husband is the one who is violent and every time he finds us he harasses us and tries to hurt my bf. He just found out where we live and is making threats.Is there a shelter of some kind for families? We would like to move to a more secure apartment with maybe a gated entry or security but we are both working with limited incomes. There are several options that you might select from to increase your safety and that of your family. One good resource is obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. Though the free workshop the Family Law Courthouse is not mandatory, most survivors find it helpful by attending it either Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, from 9:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. WEAVE’s Safehouse is not designed for families, but our 24-Hour Information and Support Line counselors gave provide other resources at 916.920.2952.

What can I do not to have my husband go to jail but at the same time his very abusive. I just want to stay away from him and not leaving in the same place.

There are several options that you have, and our 24-hour Support and Information Line (916.920.2952) can provide you the details so you can choose what is best for your safety. One option is to try to obtain a domestic violence restraining order that can remove him from your home, and in addition it will prevent him to have any contact with you (in-person, via text, email, etc.). Another choice is to see if you qualify for our Shelter services where survivors of domestic violence are able to temporarily stay in a confidential location while receiving supportive services.  If you find yourself in danger, we encourage you to consider calling 911 for your safety, even if it means he may be arrested.  

 

Can I file a petition to have my husband removed from our home? The process to have someone removed from a residence depends on the details of the situation. If there is a history of domestic violence, you may qualify for a domestic violence restraining order that can order your husband to leave the home. In Sacramento County there is a workshop that assists survivors through the paperwork process. Another option that is takes more time is to go through the eviction process. Before starting either process it might be beneficial to contact WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to explore all your choices.

The father of my children (4 out 7) and I split up, but he doesn’t want to leave the house. I was in this  relationship for 7 years, finding out through others he was verbally abusive. I see it now – controlling too. But is this the same as domestic violence or am I being a “whimp” or “too weak” as he calls me?

Domestic violence comes in many forms from an abusive partner. In your question you mentioned two of the five forms that abusers use. Sometimes it is a person’s action, such as being physically abusive to control the survivor. Sometime it is a person’s words they choose to use to make you feel less-than. In healthy relationship each person is supportive and nurturing of the other. You also mentioned that you have separated from him and he won’t leave the house.  You may have legal options to pursue to make this happen.To learn about the services WEAVE offers please contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I wish to get out of an abusive relationship and my biggest hurdle is becoming financially independent. I am an immigrant and have been out of the workforce for 13 years and need help getting back into the job market. How do I go about achieving this?

WEAVE understands that survivors of domestic violence often have barriers to becoming financially independent after leaving an abusive partner. Luckily, there are several services WEAVE offers our clients to support them in their efforts, and we also refer clients to other local agencies that specialize in employment. To learn more about our services please contact the 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

How do i know if im not just over reacting about my relationship as far as hes a great dad has always provided for his family and when hes good to me he is but when i decided i was going to say something about what i dont like then thats when i get called  names and get pushed or choked or hit what 
do i do if i still love him???

By speaking to a counselor either in-person, or by calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 you can further the process of deciding what is best for you and your child(ern) in your current relationship. We believe that there is no excuse for domestic violence, neither physical or verbal abuse. In healthy relationships partners do not hit, push, or strangle. In healthy relationships, words are not used to make the other person feel less-than. Because domestic violence is a learned behavior it is not a safe place for children to be exposed to. You may always love him. But you can choose to continue to love him while staying in the relationship, or continue to love him after choosing to leave for your safety and that of your child(ren).
I recently went back to work from maternity leave. My 4 month old daughter is being watched by her father while I’m at work. He lives with me for the most part. We would argue and he would physically abuse me, even when I was pregnant. He became more violent towards the third trimester of the pregnancy. It is still going on. Just an hour ago I was on the ground and he was stomping on my head as our daughter was crying on the couch. I’ve had enough, but I need him to care for daughter when I’m at work. I can’t afford daycare and I have no family in the area to help me. I kept him around to help me. This is my first child. I need help to find the strength to let him go and just leave us alone. But a part of me says suck it up he’s helping you raise your daughter. I used to be a very smart, driven, and independent woman…but now I feel helpless and stuck. I know I’m stupid for letting this go on for so long. Please do not blame yourself for trying to make a relationship work – especially with an infant.  You are in a tough situation and support is available to help you.  A good first step would be to attend a WEAVE Triage session – a trained advocate can help you assess the level of danger in your relationship, prioritize your immediate needs, and provide you with resources.  Triage hours at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street, Sacramento) are Tuesdays & Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. and Wednesdays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Triage is also offered at our WEAVE Wellness Center in South Sacramento on Mondays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I).  At the Triage session you will get more information about WEAVE’s services – such as our Safehouse and possibly filing for a Temporary Restraining Order. 
How do I get into the WEAVE Safehouse? The WEAVE Safehouse program is for individuals and families requiring emergency shelter to escape a violent home.  The first step to accessing the Safehouse is to call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Is there a way to find help for someone who has hit his wife. A mental issue is already presumed, but with professional help, medication and such. Is there a way to help someone who has hit their wife?

If your friend wants to seek help there are several options available.  If there is a mental health issue, he should see a medical professional to identify the condition(s) and obtain medication, if appropriate.  There are numerous batterer’s intervention programs available.  WEAVE can provide referrals to these programs via its 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.  We strongly encourage anyone seeking batterer’s treatment to interview multiple programs and find one the best meets their needs. 
I have a friend who has a 15 year old son that ask my help. She and her son is trying to get out of a controlling and verbally abusive husband. She doesn’t know what to do at this time. She wants to get support or assistance from an organization who can help her out in their situation. She is very much concern with her son because he is caught up in a very emotionally abusive relationship. Please help. Thanks. Please let your friend know that WEAVE has a 24-hour Support Line that can provide resources that can increase her safety and that of her 15 year old son. There are many options that our counselors will offer her, and then she can choose to start the planning process. WEAVE’s Support Line is also always available for you too, the number is 916.920.2952.

My Fiance has never hit me or my 4 year old (from a previous marriage) but has punched a wall in anger. He says he has had thoughts of harming me when he’s angry but left the house to cool down instead. I have never been afraid of him, but the last argument we were in he mentioned being angry at my child. I know when to let him leave and cool down, but I’m afraid my child may one day go to far. I guess I’m starting to not trust his outbursts. He has depression and was taking antidepressants but recently stopped against doctor’s advice. I’m not sure how to approach this situation.

In healthy relationships partners do not punch walls and make the other person feel concerned for their safety and that of their child. It is also concerning that your fiance has stopped taking medication against the advice of his doctor. Research shows that abusive partners are also abusive to children 50% of the time, so you concerns for your child is understandable. By speaking to a WEAVE counselor at our 24-hour Support line at 916.920.2952 you can discover the many different ways you can approach the situation with your fiance safely.
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME HAPPEN THAT HE HIT ME BUT SOME HOW I KEEP GIVING HIM EXCUSE FOR HIS ACTION I NEED HELP AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO There is no excuse for domestic violence, even though you may have provided excuses in the past for your partner’s abusive behavior. A pattern of abuse my escalate over time, so it is important to find out what resources are available for you. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line can you provide you information at 916.920.2952.
Will I have to press charges against my abuser if I come to a WEAVE? No.  WEAVE believes that there are many benefits to reporting abusive behavior to law enforcement, but we strongly believes the decision to report or not can only be made by the survivor. Because each relationship and situation is so different, we believe that survivors make the decision to report or not based on what is right for them. WEAVE respects the decision to report, and we respect the decision not to report. We are here to support survivors, and assist them through the healing process though whatever path the choose to take.

Me and my boyfriend/sons father we use to argue all the time and get into physical altercations but we stopped for a while because his family put them selves in it and they ended up jumping me since then its been almost a year and hes starting to do it again but I ignor him so if he hits me I just call the cops but since he is the father of my son I feel theres no way out I need help. I dont know what to do.

Calling law enforcement after being physically abused is just of many options that you have. WEAVE works closely with local law enforcement, and we believe they provide valuable resources that can increase the safety of survivors and their children. There are many other options that you have available. By calling to speak confidentially to one of counselors at our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 we can provide you the information so you can choose what you would like to do next.
Where can I stay with my son to feel safe ?

WEAVE offers a confidential Safehouse for survivors of domestic violence and their children.  Children up to 18 years can stay with their parent.  To learn more about the Safehouse program, start by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

How can you tell if red flags your family has are red flags for you personally? (about relationships)

It sounds like your family may have expressed concerns about your relationship or relationships in general.  Red flags are actions or behaviors which can cause concerns.  In unhealthy and/or abusive relationships, red flags do not only include physical acts such as grabbing, hitting, or preventing someone from leaving a car/room/area.  They can also include a partner who is controlling, puts the other person down, threatens the other person, demands to know where the other person is all the time, or tries to prevents the other person from being with friends.  These are all concerning behaviors and could indicate an unhealthy relationship that can become more abusive over time.  If you are experiencing any of these behaviors, they should be a concern – healthy relationships are built on trust and respect and don’t include abusive language or actions.  You can talk to a trained advocate on WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for more information.

My father is Bi-polar and goes into manic rages and he becomes extremely emotionally and now physically abusive. I long moved out of my parents house, so it’s just him and my mom. The other night, he went into a manic rage and screamed and yelled at her and grabbed a knife saying he was going to kill himself (he has done this before). My mom tried  to ignore him and go into the other room, which angered him more. He continued to scream and yell at her and then proceeded to choke her. After this happened she threatened to divorce and now he is on his best behavior. This is just repeat in the cycle of  abuse. I’m at a loss on what to do. My mom has no money, has severe injuries. He claims because he is Bi-polar he has no control. He is not on his medicine I feel like I’m in a no-win situation.

It sounds like you and your parents are in a very difficult situation. Each of your parents are responsible for only their own actions. When your father chooses not to take his medication that does not excuse his abusive behavior. Your family can call law enforcement if they are concerned that he will harm himself or others, and mental health providers may also become involved if authorities are called. You can inform your mother that she has options, and she can utilize them whenever she chooses to. Your mother may choose to stay in the relationship, or she may choose to leave, but it will be her choice to do what she believes is best for herself. As a daughter that is seeking support for a very volatile situation, please consider speaking to our counselors on WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952.
If my friend comes here for help will you guys get cps involved? WEAVE provides services to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. WEAVE does not report to immigration officials or law enforcement. We believe that there are many benefits for survivors who choose to report to outside agencies, but we believe that each survivors has the ability to choose what is best for their situation. The only exceptions to reporting is when given enough information from a client WEAVE’s counselors are mandated reporters for APS (Adult Proactive Services) and CPS (Child Proactive Services). We are always upfront about our legal obligations when it comes to the safety of the elderly and children so that clients can choose to utilize our services without feeling trapped or tricked. Your friend can call our 24 hour Support & Information Line to get more information anonymously – 916.920.2952.

My partner has what I think are anger issues. She yells, cuts me down, and tells me I’m being disrespectful whenever I try to speak out against how she’s talking to me. She got physical with me one time by kicking me in the chest, but has not been physical since then. Last night, she got mad at me and poured water and beer on me and broke some of my belongings. I
know this is not healthy, but not sure if it’s abuse.
I told her that what she did was not acceptable no matter how mad she got and her response was, “well, I didn’t hit you!” She
thinks it’s OK to break my belongings since she, the breadwinnner, bought them.

 

WEAVE believes that domestic violence can occur in different forms: physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual. When a partner’s words or actions make us feel less-than, that is abusive behavior. In non-abusive relationships each person encourages, supports, and respects the other. Often we can recognize abusive behavior, but it is sometimes challenging to know what to do once we find ourselves in an abusive relationship. WEAVE’s counselors can provide support and resources for you at our 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952. There is no excuse for domestic violence, and everyone deserves to be in relationships free from abuse.

I just turned 44 and have been married. For 17 yrs. My husband doesn’t hit me what he does is cut me down verbally. His words hurt. He comlains about everything and I feel like nothing I do never is enough or can ever make him happy. It saddens me to know and to also hear from him calling me names. I say to him to stop speaking to me in such a negative way. He just says I look for it. I’m feeling depressed, defeated, drained, emotionally and psycologically. My  question is, is this considered domestic violence? And what can I do. I feel trapped and need to get away and protect my two chilren from the same treatment that he inflickes upon me.

Domestic violence comes in many different forms, and no form of abuse is party of a healthy and loving relationship. Verbal abuse is one form that abusers may use to make their partners fell less than, and mentally wear them down. No one form of abuse is better/worse, or less painful to the survivor than another. WEAVE’s counselors are trained to provide emotional support to survivors, and help explore the many options survivors have to increase their safety and that of their children. To contact a counselor you may either call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
   

How to buy a house and not have it be in my name for privacy/security?

If you are a survivor of domestic violence, you may qualify for the Safe at Home program which allows survivors to have their name supressed on documents which are available via public records search, etc.  For more information, contact the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.
   

what do u do when once emptyness consumes you. there is so much love in my heart. but it only spoils as i sit alone i see all these people treating there other half poorly . . . (edited for length & appropriateness for message board)

Life and love can be wonderful, but also a dark and sad place. There are many ways to express feelings, and by doing so, allow us to move through the darker times in our lives. Sadness is one thing, depression is something else. If you are dealing with depression, then know that there is help available with professionals who specialize in the field. To continue the process of expressing you feelings and learning more about the options you have please consider contacting our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
I have been in a relationship for nearly 10 years that often “feels” abusive. He has never hit me but time and time again I feel as though I am being controlled and manipulated into doing his wishes. I am afraid of his anger. He has not worked in 5 years and I am the primary breadwinner, his lack of income has driven me so deep into debt I fear I will never recover. We are currently living in his mothers house and I feel like a caged bird. Everyday I tell myself I need to leave but I am so afraid that if I do he will kill me or himself (the one time we did separate he sent me pictures from his phone of him attempting to kill himself after stalking me at home for weeks on end). 50% of the time I feel like I am crazy, the other 50% I feel like I am being abused. My self esteem no longer exists, and the names he calls me when we fight grind my spirit down to nothing. Is this abuse? Or is he right in saying I am just over reacting and taking things too personal? I don’t know where to turn or who to talk to. My friends are his friends and I feel so alone. How do I understand what the truth is amongst all the chaos? In healthy relationships each partner supports, encourages, and treats the other with respect. In abusive relationships the abusive partner often makes the other person feel less-than, is not supportive, and does not treat the other person with respect. It sound like between 50% of the time you are feeling crazy, and 50% of the time you are feeling being abused, there is little time for a healthy relationship. You may feel alone, but WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line is available for you to explore with a counselor your feelings, gain empowerment, and discover the many options that you have. 916.920.2952.

I have my sister living with me trying to help her get back on her feet. But she continues to go back to the man who mentally and physically abuses her. I’m trying to her her but she doesn’t seem to care. Doesn’t save money just spends it on him. I don’t know what to do. Please help me

When those that we love make choices that we believe to be harmful, or even dangerous, it is difficult to stand by and watch. WEAVE believes that survivors of domestic violence are the only ones who can decided when and if they leave an abusive relationship. Making negative comments about her partner can cause a wedge between the two of you, so focusing on your sister rather than pointing our his faults is a good idea. Being her sister does allows you to voice your concerns about her safety. When you let her know you care about her, and you will always be there for her, those are supportive messages that you give your sister the notion that she is worthy. It may be difficult to set firm boundaries, and remain non-judgmental, but WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line can provide you a sounding board – 916.920.2952.

My boyfriend of nearlly 4 years tried to strangle me once after an agrument and i forgive him. Then a few months later he tried to stangle me 4 times in one night and held me in the room against my own will shouting abuse at me. hes very angry from before xmas. after getting him to leave my home he verbally abused me for a week he’s called me some bad names then on monday took a turn around and has begged and pleaded for forgiveness saying this will never happy again. i do still love him but really dont know if i can be with him. i have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. he is saying he will spend his whole life making it up to me i believe he is sorry but dont know if i believe he will not do it again. also i dunno if fear of being on my own is scarying me im 27. All i was wanting to have a baby at 30. my mum wants me as far away from him as possible.

Abusive partners can change, but usually for lasting change to occur they need counseling themselves. Promises by themselves are usually intended to get the victim to do what the abuser wants – not about lasting change.  Also, his violence has been extreme – strangulation is very violent and very serious and should not be taken lightly. Speaking with a domestic violence counselor would be a good step for you to explore your options and to better understand what affect the abuse is having on you and your 9 year old son. Having a non-biased support person, like one of our counselors to speak to, is often very helpful for survivors.  You can start by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I HAVE a freind, he needs extreme help, I don’t know if you can help him, but on short I will tell you a little about the situation.  He is gay - but he should have  rights too. His boyfriend beats him up so bad, that one time he finally hit 
back . Yes, his boyfriend called the cops & put him in jail. For domestic violence, hitting back! He got out of jail, & his boyfriend apologized so they got back together again .so it started up again, even showed his mom the bruises . He is afraid. if we hit back, his boy freind, will tell the cops again. Just like last time. The boy is a stocker , is mother’s house is the safe house for him. So the boy freind jump the fence and into his mother’s backyard . where the person he just beat up is upstairs, hurt!!! do you help people like this?  Told the mother take photos of his beating he takes. But there has to be a better way. Do you help men ( 30’s) that are gay?

WEAVE knows that domestic violence does not discriminate, and neither do we. It is estimated that the GLBTQ community experiences domestic violence at the same rate as straight couples. WEAVE provides services to both men and women who are survivors of domestic violence, and we can provide options for your friend to choose from to utilize to increase his safety. Please let your friend know that WEAVE is there for him too, and our counselors are available at our 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952. Our counselors can also provide you information on how you can continue to be a supportive friend and stay safe.

My question is for my daughter, she’s married to someone who is verbally abusive. She says he hasn’t physically touched her but he is very controlling. Now he says if she leaves him she can’t take their child. He is the financial provider for them. She can’t visit us (her family) because of him. Is there any kind of paperwork to establish legal custody of their
child if her abuse  escalates? Because she doesn’t want to lose her son to him since she is not employed at present. Also if there is will he be notified of her attempt to establish the  guardianship?

 Sometimes abusers threaten the victim that if they l