Domestic Violence Message Board

Message Board

Domestic Violence Message Board

Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in three business days.

WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

WEAVE’s expertise is in the areas of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and healthy relationships.  We make every effort to answer all questions – even beyond these areas – but we cannot answer questions which are medical, significantly beyond the scope of our services, or ask legal questions in jurisdictions outside of Sacramento County. 

Standard emails can be tracked, even after they are deleted. Because of difficulties verifying the sender and ensuring client safety, WEAVE can not respond to message board posts which contain emails. 

Question Answer
My husband is raging over everything because his business is going under and we are now broke, he has been abusive in the past and I am worried now :( How can someone be constantly angry???? Hello, thank for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing with us, it takes so much courage to reach out. I am sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. I cannot imagine how stressful and scary being in this situation must be. Everyone deserves to feel safe in their home.  You know yourself and your situation best, but we’re here to help. If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more. You can call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. 
I am working with authorities and providing evidence of illegal activities against my abuser. How can I protect myself from retaliation? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You may qualify for Victim Witness Compensation to pay for the cost of moving, changing locks, counseling, etc. Call the Support & Information Line (916.920.2952) or connect with calVCB for more information on how to apply. https://victims.ca.gov/
Anyone know of a place to go to asap with animals out of a roommate mental abuse situation? Thank you for reaching out to Weave. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. Our services are specific to victims of intimate partner violence. However, please reach out to our 24/7 Support Line (916)920-2952 so that we can provide you more information on resources in the area. I suggest also reaching out to 211 for more information on housing options/ resources in your county.
Will weave help me leave a verbally abusive relationship? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Our services assist those experiencing any kind of intimate partner violence. To find out more about how we might be able to help, please contact our Support and Information line. Our number is (916)920-2952 and the line is available 24/7. 
If I got granted sole custody of my child along with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order for a year, can I move to another state with my child to have a more stable environment? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Please reach out to our legal team for more information on what rights you have regarding your custody. The number to our legal team is (916)319-4944. If for any reason they do not answer, please make sure you leave a voicemail with your name and number so they can give you a call back. 
I had to leave my husband due to emotional and physical abuse and got exited from a shelter we were at together. I have no where to go . Are u guys able to help

I’m so sorry to hear that. To find out what our availability is, please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information line at (916)920-2952. If we do not have availability, we are able to provide numbers to other resources that may be able to help.

Hello is there any hotel vouchers for a woman and her dog to escape a domestic violence marriage Hello! Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE. At this time, we do not offer hotel vouchers. We do have a communal Safehouse for survivors fleeing domestic violence. For hotel vouchers, you can try 211 or Travelers Aid at (916) 399-9646. For safety planning, resources and availability on our Safehouse, you can call 916-920-2952.  
Hello – I have been helping my friend get connected to weave as she is experiencing domestic violence with her partner who she just had a child with. She’s just about ready to leave him but what she is worried about is weave calling CPS on her as she also has 4 children from another marriage. She loves her kids so I understand why she’s scared to reach out for fear they will call CPS. I told her that weave wants to protect survivors and the kids and wouldn’t put them in harms way by calling CPS every time people call in for help but I want to confirm that’s accurate. I’m in the social work field but live in Colorado now and it’s been awhile since I did a training with weave as I used to live in Sacramento. Let me know weaves CPS reporting policies so I can pass this along to her and ease any fears she has about reaching out for help Hello! Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE. I can understand how scary this must be for your friend and her fears are valid. Our crisis counselors on our support line are not CPS mandated reporters so we do not report clients to CPS. We are only mandated to report if we believe someone may harm themselves or others. I hope this information can make it easier for your friend to reach out. I’m glad she has an advocate like you on her side. Please provide her our website and 24/7 support line number at 916-920-2952.
I see you only represent domestic abuse survivors in Sacramento county, but I am in Placer County. I have reached out to Stand Up Placer, but they were no help. Can you please recommend any resources to contact in Placer county? I really need a pro bono divorce attorney. Thank you. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. For legal assistance in Placer county, you could reach out to Legal Services of Northern California, (530) 823-7560. They offer lower cost services and self-help clinics to assist clients with family law matters. They may also be able to offer more resources specific to Placer county.
What can I do to heal myself from my trauma and narcissistic abuse is a behavior is what I’m attracting now so I wanna know how do I break my cycles of abuse sex and drugs Thank you for reaching out to weave. It may be beneficial to look into different counseling options. A counselor could provide you support in learning the cycles of abuse, processing trauma, and gaining coping mechanisms to help you break the patterns of abuse you are experiencing. Here at Weave we offer group and individual counseling. You can reach out to our 24/7 support line, 916-920-2952, to be assessed and connected to our services.
I left a relationship today that became abusive the other night. I have bruises on my face but I don’t want to report it, I just want to get away. I don’t know where to go for the night. What should I do Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry that you have been experienced that. Please call our support and information line so we can provide you more information on shelter options. The number is to the line (916)920-2952 it is a 24/7 line
Are there any support groups in Sacramento for those impacted by DV? Hello, thank you for reaching out to weave. We offer both group and individual counseling services for those who have expereinced or are currently experiencing domestic violence. To get connected to our services you can call our 24/7 support line, (916) 920-2952. My Sister’s House, (916) 428-3271 also offers support groups.
I am a single parent with a ten year old. My child has had two recent incidents where he has gotten emotionally overwhelmed, and his actions have felt like verbal and physical abuse. This is a large child for their age, and tonight was the first time that I felt I may need to be prepared to physically defend myself against him. Here is my question. If a partner treated me this way, I would leave the relationship. What do I do if it’s my own child? And I’m the only one here with the child? Thank you for connecting WEAVE, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Have you previously sought out any support such as Counseling or connecting with the Childs doctor regarding why behavior? There is also a Parent Support Hotline that you might benefit from reaching out to. Their number is (888) 281-3000. YWCA has counseling services for both Adults and Children than provide trauma informed services for individuals experiencing violence. There is also La Familia Counseling that has a Family Partner & Youth Advocate. That service provides family members resources and support at no cost.
Have been threatened by my roommate for a while and now have been kicked out with no where to go. I’m too low of income with esa making it difficult to find a place I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. Living under threats can be very overwhelming and stressful. Unfortunately, we do not offer any housing. I encourage you to reach out to SHRA (916) 440-1390 or 211 in your county for support accessing local housing programs https://www.211sacramento.org/211/online-database/categories/homeless/homeless-shelters/
I was stabbed 9 yrs ago by a boyfriend at the time. Him and my mother would talk and gossip about me. My mother has always put me down. Is she as responsible as him for stabbing me? Due t the fact of how and what she might have told him when they would gossip about me Thank you for reaching out to Weave. I am so sorry to hear you went through this. Have you considered connecting with a counselor to talk about what you went through? You can call 24/7 Support and Information Line 916-920-2952 to be assessed for counseling services.
Is there anyway your program can help me with any housing and maybe a voucher for a few days Thank you for reaching out to weave. For housing vouchers, you can connect with the SHRA (916) 440-1390 to inquire about transitional housing resources. For assistance with housing vouchers please call your county’s Department of Human Assistance. 
My husband was angry about me using a lamp light in order to see my textbook. He tried to pull it my lamp but couldn’t, so he pulled out my chair from underneath me and I fell on the side of my stomach at 9 months pregnant. Is the abuse that I need to report? Thank you for reaching out to weave. Im sorry to hear you experienced this. Here at weave, we encourage clients to make their own decisions when it comes to reporting. Abuse can take many forms, below I have attached an informational link that identifies the different types of abuse. I would strongly encoruage you to seek medical attention if you havent already. If you feel reporting is the option for you, you ca connect with your local law enforcemnt agency for more information. 
How does one get a temp domestic violence and restraining order and eviction notice? My sister met a man on a dating site After staying a few weekends at her place he never left. She was intimidated and embarrassed. He emotionally convinced her he loved her. In the last year he has buried her in debt. When she tells him to leave he tells her she will never be able to get rid of him. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  You can reach out to our support and information line to be assesed and connected to legal services. You can also connect with the Family Justice Center for support with domestic violence restraining orders and move out orders.
I got battard twice from my ex he went to prison for beating me he works across the street were I live I called his P.O. and he said for me not to worry about it I want to move out of town I only get ssi I can’t afford to move I am seeing a psychotherapist I want to move Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing this and that his Probation Officer was not helpful. Have you contacted the police to make a report? If not, I highly encourage you to do so. I understand how scary that might be and why you would like to move. Unfortunately we do not offer housing here at WEAVE. Any clients seeking housing would reach out to their local county for info on housing programs available. 
Hello,my ex girlfriend comuted domestic violence punched me restrained me down and told me to repeat after her or she will snap my neck and I got aprooved a protection order What do I do next to have her charged please help me – addtl comments          She is already dealing with another case domestic violence first degree armed criminal action and domestic violence 3rd degree Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Have you received medical attention for the incident? If not, I strongly encourage you to. Unfortunately, we cannot give legal advice here. Anything related to criminal charges would typically require filing a police report first. I suggest reaching out to your local police dept or consulting with an attorney on your options. 
I have a job, car but no kids can you help? Is the safe house a house or facility? Thank you for reaching out to weave. If you are seeking assistance with shelter, you can can reach out to 211 for support. At WEAVE, we offer a communal safehouse shelter for individuals who are escaping intimate partner violence.
Trying to find Dr. In Sacramento to help with my case –         addtl comment: Referral for Dr. that works with victims Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  Unfortunately, here at WEAVE we do not have referrals to doctors. However I strongly encourage you to reach out to your Primary Care Doctor for referrals to specific doctors related to your situation. 
Hello, I am 60 and disabled, to top it all off I am now homeless and suffering 2 breaks in my hip and 2 in my pelvis, I have no family or friends anymore as they have all passed now. I know I will always be turned away from a safe clen shelter because I am old. I dont know what to do and just going to any shelter wil l be hard for me because of my mobility does anyone have a kind word of hope for me?     Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Having mobility challenges can be very hard. I have attached a link to local shelters in the area that may be able to assist you. I wish you the best and hope you take care. https://www.211sacramento.org/211/online-database/categories/homeless/homeless-shelters/ 
What do you do when there are cameras w voice recording the blink system installed from your boyfriend son and your boy friend refuses to take them down Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Unfortunately, we cannot give legal advice here. I would encourage you to report to law enforcement if you feel like you are being filmed illegally and see what your options may be. You can also reach out to our 24/7 support line if you have any questions
If I have a toddler with me can I still get temporary housing? I don’t have anywhere to go and need to get out of a volatile relationship.  Hello, thank you for reaching out to us. We would love to speak with your more about your circumstance. Please contact us on our 24-hours support and information line at 916-920-2952 so we may further assist you with safety planning and provide some suitable options for housing.  
How can i get my little brothers girlfriend removed outta the house she threatened to take my life. Can i get papers served to her name is heather blood my little brothers phone number is 215-XXX-XXXX or you can look hom up on facebook  Thank you for reaching out with your concerns. We would love to discuss things further with you and offer our assistance on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

I have done more than one person should to be an awesome wife and change things about myself my husband put me down for like being a bartender because I thought his respect was something I could earn I have never disrespected or gone outside of my marriage and I am ashamed to say that from the very beginning even when we were dating he did very disrespectful things but he would apologized and I would want to believe him so I did. Fast forward almost 10 years we have been married 2 years when I met him he was a forklift driver for Costco in firefighter School I have nursed him through surgeries move to the other coast left everyone I know and loved so that he could start his career and that is when it all started.

tonight he got in my face told me he was going to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger and because he was so close to my face and he has hit me before I lifted my arm up too kind of cover my face and accidentally touched his chin a little wasn’t a hit nothing like that from there he proceeded to choke me so hard that I practically had to gouge his eyes to out to breathe. I am not worried about proving that he choked me because not only do I have the marks on my neck I have petechiae in my eyes which only comes from strangulation and lack of oxygen the thing is he is a firefighter thanks to the support he pretends like he never got from me and he tells me that he will get away with it because he knows all the police officers and I will be the one who ends up in jail I want to go get a protection order and have him removed from this house when it is he said she said and he has marks on him from me trying to get away from him are the police smart enough to see what those marks are and how they would happen or am I going to end up in jail for being stupid enough to marry a piece of crap who would rather hurt me then make me smile. I am divorcing him that is what the fight was about me getting half of the house. At this point I don’t care anymore and will never love him again but I have never been in trouble in my life and do not want to jeopardize my future because he destroyed any future he got to have with me. He is a very cruel very mean very vindictive person who would have no problem lying for his own benefit I honestly believe he is a sociopath is definitely bipolar. I just need some advice on how to go about staying safe in this house why my lawyer gets me half of it and half of his pension to.

Thankyou thank you

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Hello, thank you for sharing your concerns with us. We are here for you on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to further speak with you about your situation and provide you with some optional resources. We would also love to connect you to our counseling services if you are interested.  

When my husband was recovering from a tree stand injury he told how he was remembering things that happened long ago that I needed to know what the truth really was, that what I thought was not what really happened, so he tells me this BRAND NEW version that is horrific, saddistic, sexually violent, and with no emotion or second thought he insisted that I agree with his new memory that totally 100% cleared his own guilt and victimnized in a very scary scenario told that I am this secret sexual deviant that asks for and forced him to use physical violence, he has maintained this version and even after telling this to his coworkers, bosses, and those who were somewhat aware of the actual event thats over 15 years old, they all said NO and they would definitely not forget IF he had told them that version back then

So I’m wondering where, who, how, or what would this possibly even come from? Who would think things up like that to begin with? The worse part is since that time he suddenly changed drastically toward me, and he has been calling me horrible names, he shows out by abusing me outside so others see how he is punishing me for being whatever he decides that day, liar, stupid, crazy, gold digger, lazy, disgusted and tired of supporting me and my family (untrue) every word of it, he shows off and complains about me and hes been doing the complaining since day one! Hes saying other nasty degrading dehumanizing things about me that are evil. Then he shows up with new friends much younger and the girl is all over him in our house, making me cook and clean,

So is there a connection? Who is doing this to our family? What is the best thing for dealing with this? I’m still in shock daily, and there is much much more……..

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and upset. Sometimes when we find ourselves in these kinds of situations where so much is happening, it can be helpful to speak to others about what is going on. While you know yourself and your needs best, we can provide some support as you navigate these difficult times. We are available 24/7 on our support line at 916-920-2952 
I have been dating a guy for almost a year and a half. Each time we fight because he accuses me of cheating or goong somewhere else, making up ridiculous amounts of time that ive gone out to do something (ex last night: i went to ulta beauty. I texted hin 8:01. When i got there. I already bought and paid for some items but usually look through the store. My receipt saysbi checked out 9:05, i texted him on my way) well he starts asking where didni really go. And he doesnt by that, that he had a feeling i went somewhere else. He starts calling me an ungrateful bitch amd i have PTSD so when he charges at me, i snap and will protect myself and yes, i hit him and pushed him away since i have had abusers in yhe past come at me. He kept antagonizing me and it only heys worse every time. Hell make sure he grabs my shirts, pushes me with arms, blocks doors when i try leaving, getsvin my fave and will hurt my nose with jim, then when i cant take it anymore and i hit him away he starts scraming that hes gonna call the cops that i hit him. His parents got involved last night and i feel stupid because hes telling them all he did was ask where i went, calmly, and i belew up, accusing him of having women over. No, i have caught him red handed asking other women for pics to see if they were hot. And i count that as cheating. When someone doesnt physically put their hands on you, is that abuse? I feel so alone, confused, embarrassed and im statting to question who i am as a person. Im not known to be violent with a spouse. I feel sick at myself and i honestly just want to die.     Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, it sounds like you’re going through a lot right now. I can’t define your experience, but I can share a definition that some find helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Sometimes this behavior occurs in a pattern and sometimes it doesn’t. What I do know for certain is that everyone deserves to feel safe and heard within their relationship. If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more on our 24 hour support line. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. You can reach us at 916-920-2952. 
What does it mean when my ex boyfriend is still as salting my body like your body image and saying I’m terrible at sex and say pee pee poo poo and stalking me on Facebook like no tomorrow and my other other sites on my phone  Hello, Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Im so sorry that is happening. It is unfortunate that you have been experiencing this. If you would like to learn more about types of abuse and if you identify with any of them, please reference the link below. We would love to speak with you further about these incidents and offer you some resources. Please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. We hope to be able to provide you with some support and assistance during this time. Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 
My abuser comes from an abusive family and stated that he was hit by his mother. He followed me around for three years at my apartment using my daughter as bait. After a divorce which I filed due to military involvement with them condoning negligence towards Air Force member’s families by my ex. He closely monitors my every move and has used myself as someone to “fix” or control by paying for my education and letting me earn college degrees and go to university and nursing school. I have worked and even moved out of state due to unemployment being high in California. Well, in Connecticut I had him arrested for attempted strangulation becasue for once I said no to him. He then grabbed my neck and tried to strangle me. This was after he opened the door for cps to kidnap my child based on mostly false allegations. My family could not help and 
Connecticut thought that they could send me away from my home due to not admitting that I have the right to personal protection of my being. This person suffocated my daughter with a pillow in his car. The California Courts named him as a “monitor” simply for paying for my attorney. First attorney, I paid for myself. He has since beaten me in my home and I was ignored by police and hung up on. I live on a large acreage and the house is too expensive to heat and cool. I like to pay my own utilities. He has stated that he does not care if he lives. He has given me a parasitic infection and broken finger and knee. I was an innocent young mother and he took advantage of me. He has even headbutted me while I’ve attended university classes from my home. Rather see divorces than make someone admit to his actions. 
Hello, thank you for taking the time to contact us. It is unfortunate that you have experienced these things and haven’t gotten much resolved in the process of separation. Our legal team is available at 916-319-4944 if you would like to connect with them to learn more about your rights and the next steps you need to take concerning your circumstances. If you would like to speak to an advocate to receive additional support and resources, please call us on our support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
My ex boyfriend began choking me during sex- I asked him to stop because I couldn’t breathe and it hurt- the next day he’d repeat the same- this happened multiple times – he did not take my no !!! Also during sex while I was standing up he rammed his penis in my rear- so many times I asked him to not do this to me- again he would take a no- finally he hurt me – I was bleeding and crying- is this sexual assault ?  Thank you for reaching out to us. It is awful that you have experienced this. If you would like to identify your experience, please visit our webpage Get Informed: Sexual Assault – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org). Additionally, please call us at our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 so we may speak with you, offer you support, resources and any guidance for safety planning if this is an interest for you.  
My boyfriend has physically abused me many times throughout the last 4 years, and more then ever the last 2 years. I have pictures of all the bruises but have never called the cops or reported him. A few weeks ago we were Arguing and I was cutting sausages for dinner, he came out of the bedroom to yell and kept getting close and closer to where I was cutting. He grabbed the knife out of my hand and when doing so cut his hand. He is now saying I am the abuser and he is the victim that I sliced his hand and cut him. Which isn’t true!  Hi, thank you for contacting us with your concerns. We are deeply saddened that you have been experiencing this behavior from your boyfriend. We would love to speak with you to help support you and provide you with any resources on how you would like to move forward surrounding your safety and health. Please contact us at our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 

My husband has locked me out of the house more than once and turn off all the lights. Is this considered abuse? 

 

Thank you for reaching out to us. It’s unfortunate that you have experienced this. If you would like to identify this behavior for a better understanding. Please visit our webpage. Get Informed – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 

If you would like to speak to someone for more insight, understanding, support or resources, please call our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

Husband screaming very loudly “f**k you” over and over in my face and spitting at me. It made me feel ill. What is this behavior considered? Husband has ongoing narcissist behaviors that have gotten worse ..tonight screamed in my face over and over yelling at the top of his lungs f**k you and spit on me. All in front of our poor son. My ears are still hurting as well as my head. I felt very concerned it’s been a while since this explosiveness on to me. I’ve been treated with lack of empathy, kindness, for a long time. He’s much bigger than me and very loud. I’m worried. I’m not sure how to classify this extremely loud screaming to my face and extreme nastiness. It’s very intimidating and I feel horrible even hours later.  Hello, thank you for contacting us. It is awful that you have been experiencing this behavior from your husband. To learn more about this behavior and how to identify it for yourself, please visit this webpage. Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) If you ever need anyone to speak with for further support or assistance, please call our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
my ex broke my 2 laptops, 3 cellphones and 2 led tv, is it domestic violence? she didn’t spent any money from it. she even wish my kids death and my mom, I got everything when she texted me those msgs. 

Hi, thank you so much for contacting WEAVE. It seems like you have been through so much. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. 

Please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. We hope to be able to provide you with some support and assistance during this time. Get Informed – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 

My husband has locked me out of the house more than once and turn off all the lights. Is this considered abuse?  Hello, thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your concerns are very much valid and it is something you should consider evaluating for yourself. Please view the link below to better understand the Domestic Violence and to determine if you are currently experiencing it. We hope that you found this helpful. If you have anymore questions and/or would like to speak to anyone, please reach out to our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952.  Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) 
Husband screaming very loudly “f**k you” over and over in my face and spitting at me. It made me feel ill. What is this behavior considered? Husband has ongoing narcissist behaviors that have gotten worse ..tonight screamed in my face over and over yelling at the top of his lungs f**k you and spit on me. All in front of our poor son. My ears are still hurting as well as my head. I felt very concerned it’s been a while since this explosiveness on to me. I’ve been treated with lack of empathy, kindness, for a long time. He’s much bigger than me and very loud. I’m worried. I’m not sure how to classify this extremely loud screaming to my face and extreme nastiness. It’s very intimidating and I feel horrible even hours later.  Hello, it is unfortunate that you have been experiencing that. If you would like to learn more about types of abuse and if you identify with any of them, please reference the link below. We would love to speak with you further about these incidents and offer you some resources. Please contact us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. We hope to be able to provide you with some support and assistance during this time. Get Informed – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org)  
My x tried to kill me he was charged with 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors domestic violence with strangulation etc. 
For the past 3 years on the Anniversary of the Day of the attempted murder, he has used the court system to file bogus emergency hearings and magically is given the same day as assault!!!!! 
1st Anniversary he got me in court just to see me on that day and to remind me what he did to me and judging by the look on his face he was definetly thinking about doing it again. 
2nd year Anniversary, I mean really!!!! why is this being allowed!??? 
3rd year Anniversary, yup……3rd year in a row on the same day…….Thank the Lord I had filed an ex-parte OFP hearing so he didn’t get to see me on that day until 5 days after the anniversary this year. 
This has got to be a law somewhere that abusers can’t do this to their victims???? 
Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, we’re so sorry to hear how things have been for you. While we try to answer questions to the best of our availability, legal advice is out of our scope on the message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944. 
My neighbor current is having his clothes and valuables thrown outside. I have all this evidence on my ring camera, he is currently sitting in his car with no where to go. His girlfriend or wife locked him out of the house and took his car keys. Should I call the cops or let the situation play out? I’m not sure what to do, I’m nervous something worse will happen.  Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. If you are worried for your neighbors immediate safety you can consider calling 911 if that feels like a safe option. You can also consider sharing our support line number with your neighbor, 916-920-2952, if it would be safe to do so.  
My husband is out on a personal recognizance Bond with a no contact order. According to the order is not to be within a hundred foot of me or the resident. Earlier this week I stopped at a friend’s house. After I was inside the residence for 10 to 15 minutes one of those homeowners sent me a text message saying that I need to leave because my husband was in the home and she didn’t want me to get in trouble. In that situation what should have been done and was I required to leave or was he? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, we’re glad you are reaching out for help. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944.   

 

My boyfriend tortured me for months with not allowing me to sleep. Then he manipulated me into using meth to get to work because he said it would help me feel better after an injury. I tried turning it down over and over again, but he pretty much made me do it. Now I am addicted to the drug and afraid that if I go to rehab he will hurt my 19 year old daughter. He took my car apart yesterday which is mother’s day. He has threatened my life on multiple occasions and he even kicked me in the ribs. My family and friends have abandoned me because he’s so terrible. I moved an hour away from my old home because he said he had a job. He never helped with any bills and has prevented me fr 

 

He made sure I did not have a car to drive for over a year now. I’m really scared of filing a restraining order because he threatened to “bury me 6ft under the ground” if I did. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. We believe you, and you deserve to be supported and listened to. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, I am sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. I cannot imagine how stressful and scary being in this situation must be. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and you should be able to feel safe. If you would like more support regarding this situation, please reach us at our 24-hour support line: 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. It seems like you may also benefit from support for substance abuse. www.coremedicalclinic.com  is a resource for those struggling with addiction and can be very helpful.  
Selfhelp housing put me in another abusive housing situation my roommate has threatened many times that she’s gonna get a bunch of guys to beat me up and has looked right at me saying she starts fires with gas meaning our gas stove and she has been in my room while I slept and gone through my purse tonight I caught her shining a flashlight in my window at 12 midnight when I moved she left the window but came back a half he later and whispered I’m gonna kill you through my window now she’s blowing meth threw my door and I’m on probation I cant keep the window open when I sleep cause that’s how she got in but now I cant air out my room. I’m scared she is constantly threatening me with violence yesterday she said if I go in her fridge which she uses mine too she’d break my jaw.  
What can I do I dont have money to run away from the house and my caseworker knows she’s this violent and is going on vacation. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. I cannot imagine how stressful and scary being in this situation must be. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and you should be able to have housing where you feel safe. It looks like you have been trying to resolve this issue through your caseworker and have not been getting the assistance that you need. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence. We would encourage you to reach out to you caseworker and continue inform them of your situation. You can also reach out to A Community for Peace; they might be able to provide you with services or assistance. They can be reached at (916) 728-7210. 
My girlfriend and i have sit up. She still has some of my things. I had gone to her house 3 times in a week i attempts to retrieve my items. She has now claimed i am stalking her. Yes, i am angry she wont let me get my things. Is she justified? I may have said somethings like dont make me have to break in and get my things  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your post that you are in a difficult situation. I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to not be able to gather your things. It seems like you are trying to figure this out. We would like to offer you more support on our confidential and anonymous support line. You can reach us, at (916) 920-2952. 
My boyfriend has been getting very violent in sex its been getting more and more violent and he has left bruises on me. He sqeezed my breast very hard as if to tear them off of me…I told him to stop i said it hurts i tried moving his hands away he just became like an animal and didn’t stop i have bruises on them he has also tried choking. He blames it on me when confronted saying he couldn’t control himself around me. He has been gaslight me and silent treatments before this…was he doing this as a form of punishment to get back at me after the silent treatment? Should I leave him will it get worse?? 

Hello, 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, I am sorry you are experiencing this. We would gladly like to assist you with any guidance we could offer. We are here to help you determine a solution that you believe is best for yourself. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952, to speak with an advocate and receive more resources. We are always here to support you and will be available whenever you are ready. Remember you are not alone.  

In love but husband is mentally killing me  Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. We would love to speak with you more to offer you support. Please contact our support and information line at 916-920-2952. We will be here whenever you are ready. 
Is shoving a drink in my face and trying to pour it into my mouth physical abuse?  Hello, thank you for reaching out to us with your concerns. I am sorry you have experienced this. We would identify this act as physical abuse. To learn more about abuse please visit our website Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) We would gladly speak to you more about your circumstance to offer support, more resources and answer any additional questions you may have. You can speak with us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
His drinking is making me suicidal. 9 yrs together not married but engaged 3 yrs. He went to jail for abuse and blames me. His family blames me. No one believes me and what he puts me thru. 
He got out of jail after 26 days and less than 24 hrs already started his same blaming abusive tactics on me. 
My sister is dying of 4 cancers, I’m suffering w cancer and he expects me to take the blame for his wrong doings . 
Yes this is battered wives syndrome I am sure. But I feel trapped. 
He says to me YOU are a bitch and always tired…..this is why I look at porn… 
 
I’m not good enough. I’m his catalist for excuses for his drinking problems and blaming me is easy. 
 
My psychiatrist only medicated me. But I’m severely lost and sad. 
Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry you have experienced these things. We would love to speak with you and get you connected to a counselor, as well offer you support and more resources. Please give us call when you are ready. You can speak with us on our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
My husband hit me repeatedly in the head while I was sleeping . He hit several times in the same spot claimed he watched a fight on pentrist and was asleep dreaming he was fighting . I don’t believe he was asleep but could he have been the next morning he said nothing to me about it but was angry at me for some reason. He had pinned me down and hit me 6 or 7 times with his fist how could he have not woke up  Hello, thank you for contacting us with your concerns. I am sorry this has happened you and is questioning your husband’s honesty. I am unsure of the history you have with your husband and if any other incidents have led you to disbelief in him. Ultimately you know your husband and your relationship best. We would love to speak with you and be of support to you in any way we can. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 
Me and my boyfriend go into a disagreement and he grabbed me by my face and pushed my head against the wall, soon after I screamed at him and told him don’t ever touch me again and he pushed me so hard into the bathroom I broke my ankle . I’m so hurt and upset . I lied to the doctors . What should I do !? I want him to pay for what he has done  Hello, thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry you have experienced this. I would like you to know that you have done nothing wrong and there is not a right way to react when something like this has happened to you. You have a options, including contacting law enforcement. If you would like more support and resources with your circumstance, please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. An advocate would love to speak with you to discuss all your options.  
my ex-boyfriend fingered me through my underwear and touched my thighs and said he was going to hurt me. what can I call that  Thank you for contacting us with your concerns. I am sorry you have experienced this. I can understand how this could be a bit confusing for you. We would define this as sexual assault and emotional abuse due to his actions and threats. You can find more information and resources about intimate-partner abuse and sexual assault on our website Get Informed: Sexual Assault – WEAVE, Inc. (weaveinc.org) We would love to speak with you and assist you with this. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate.  

Hi I have been married for 20 years, we have a 16 year old daughter, a 9 year old son & I am currently 8 months pregnant. My husband and I have always had a bad relationship and he has always gaslighted me and been emotionally abusive to me. About 10 years ago he started being physically abusive also. Things like slapping me, grabbing me by my throat, spitting on me & dragging me by my hair. He has done these things in front my kids numerous times, but its the worst when no one is around. Most everytime he is angry he kicks me out of the house. This has been going on since the beginning of our relationship. 

 I have tried to leave him several times over the last 10 years but I have failed to make it on my own everytime. He would never let me take the kids though & I would miss them too bad. He is always reminding me that they will always choose him over me. I love them so much.

 Everyday since then he spits on me, calls his unborn baby names, threatens me, calls me fat & stupid & last week he blacked my eye during a physical altercation that started because he tried to take my phone & keys out of my hand. This is the second time he has physically hurt me since I’ve been pregnant the first time he choked me. I have called the police to have him removed from the apartment we live in (his name only on the lease) & they said there was nothing they could do.

 If I retaliate it becomes a huge fight in front of my kids & they end up mad at me over it. I don’t know what to do. Please help

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Hi, thank you for reaching out for support. We would gladly like to assist you with any guidance we could offer. We are here to help you determine a solution that you believe is best for you and your children. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952, to speak with an advocate and receive more resources. We are always here to support you and will be available whenever you are ready.  
I am out of an abusive relationship for 2 1/2 years. But I have a new person I’m talking to , and now it seems everything I’m doing is wrong. But to me these are things I had to do to protect myself. 
My ex would freak out about any texts from anyone, friends , family etc…. so i learned to just leave my phone face down and keep my ringer off to keep from explosions. I deleted text threads for the same reasons. Especially one talking about escaping. I got in the habit of just keeping on with deleting texts. Even while single. Now this new guy, we have been on one date, tells me it’s shady. He already has trust issues, he told me. And is not happy with my explanation, but I don’t know how to show him it’s not nefarious. He said secrets are bad all around. But I can’t seem to get through his head how something that is innocent gets turned around on us in these horrible relationships. Is he giving me a red flag here? I feel as if he’s doing the same thing, getting upset over something that isn’t a big deal. I feel the fear all over again. 

Hi, thank you for sharing your experience and concerns.  

If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more on our 24 hour support line. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. You can reach us at 916-920-2952. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I was a resident in a shelter for victims of violence I was involuntarily admitted to the hospital for a mental health eval this past Friday oh I returned today and I wasn’t able to get in and then when I called they said they were kicking me out and I asked for my personal property including my dog and they told me it wasn’t a good time the dog is my therapy dog the police aren’t helping what do I do.  

There’s a reoccurring problem at the shelter they like to force people out in the last month and a half there have been out and other people willing to choosing to leave because of unsafe unfit her on ethical practices. It’s not a safe place is actually causing a lot more trauma and it’s not right. 

Hi, I am so sorry this has been your experience. You seem to need more support and options. Please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for assistance and more resources that may be helpful for you. We would love to speak with you and offer you support. We hope to hear from you soon.  

My girlfriend and I of 7 years recently went through a few hard times I was jailed for unseparate charges and was there for 4 months while in those four months she found a new partner and begin sleeping with him and was intimate and brought him into our home when I was released from jail I was at my house with her and my daughter when he came to the house entered the home and repeatedly punched me and beat me up while I was asleep nothing has been done nothing no charges what could have happened that caused nothing to be done….. BECAUSE BEST BELIEVE IF I DID THAT TO SOMEBODY I WOULD STILL BE IN JAIL OVER THAT  Hello, thank you for reaching out for assistance. I am sure it has been difficult to receive the justice you wish to have. This violence against you is not acceptable. I would encourage you to contact our legal department at (916) 319-4944 to address your concerns and to have a better understanding of your rights. Also, feel free to contact our 24-hour support and information line to speak with one of our advocates who could assist you with other services at (916) 920 –2952.  
Is it domestic abuse if a husband takes hold of his wifes bicep and flings her away so that she falls on her hip, injuring the ligament in her s i joint that has caused pain for 5 years nearly everyday. He says that it was my fault  Hi, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I can’t define your experience, but I can share how a definition that some find helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Sometimes this behavior occurs in a pattern and sometimes it doesn’t. If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more on our 24 hour support line. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. You can reach us at 916-920-2952. 
My husband has multiple voice recording of me being unfaithful but I been true to him he’s been constantly obsessed over the idea we have even confronted the man who said we never met it’s gotten abusive between us how can I get the recording clearly to show him wrong..  Hi there, thanks for sharing with us. It sounds like you’re going through some stressful dynamics in your relationship. You know yourself and your situation best, but we’re here to help. If you feel comfortable, we would love to talk with you more. You can call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. 
My ex would be so abusive towards me and my naturalinsists is to stick up for people. My mom would never do anything to help me when I was sexually assaulted my whole life as a child by my dad. forced to lie crying out for help to everyone no one in my family would help once my dad gave my ex a pain pill and said sorry about my daughter I seen him on camera that day and went outside and flipped out when i didn’t want my son’s father back he was cheating. I block everything out but sometimes get unwanted flashbacks. I’m 27 and I still hate sex but pretend nobody ever wants to help me but call me crazy  Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. We believe you, and you deserve to be supported and listened to. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, it’s normal to have flashbacks and to feel overwhelmed. If you think it sounds helpful, we would love to talk with you more about how we might be able to help. You can call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Any services we offer are completely voluntary, and you get to choose how we might support you. We believe you, and you are not crazy. You don’t have to go through this alone, we are here to help.  
I have an adopted son who was verbally abused by my neighbors. I protected him from these people. 
I talked about adoption as a beautiful thing and that God created Him just for his Dad and me. 
WE moved from this neighborhood. But to our surprise, he was verbally abused, without our knowing. 
He turned from our happy little boy to a child who thought he was not wanted. He was called a bastard by one of the neighbors. I did not know what to do. So we took him to a counselor and she told us that the damage was done. She said we should keep instilling in his mind that adoption was a wonderful thing. 
So I did just that. But I did not know that certain family members were doing the same things. 
 
Now that he is an adult, he is blaming me for taking too much about adoption. And has rejected me. 
His father died and he adored him. We both lost the love of our lives 
I call and he will not take my calls. But I keep trying to get him to talk to me. 
I have my will made out and have had my funeral all paid for. 
It will be a direct burial so He does not have to deal with my greedy family. 
They would take all they wanted of material things without regret. 
I have a very dysfunctional family. 
Is there anything you could advise me to do other than what I have told you? 
 
After my husband died, no one called and talked to me or my son for over ten years. 
Now they asked me to forgive them, which I did. Only to find out that they wanted money. 
 
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Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can hear that you have a lot going on, and that you’ve been through some really difficult times. I know you mentioned that you took your son to a counselor, and it sounds like it wasn’t a good experience for you. That can be so difficult. Sometimes, people have to try several different counselors before finding the right fit. Some people find it really helpful to see a counselor regularly so that they have a trusted person to talk to. You know yourself best, but if this sounds helpful for you there are a few ways you can find counseling. Findhelp.org can help you search for local mental health resources. The Hope Cooperative has a warm line you can call for emotional support at 1-855-502-3224. 

We try to answer all questions thoroughly, but our expertise is in the fields of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking. Unfortunately, your question is out of the scope of what we can answer on the message boards.  

Hello, my daughter bailed her abusive husband out of jail after he hurt her again. I dont understand why she is protecting him and she is mad at me that I called the police when he hurt her the last time. When I called 911 it was because I didn’t know if she was okay and safe and she wouldn’t tell me and I thought maybe he was standing by her on the phone telling her what to say. Im terrified for her safety but her loyalty to him is blocking her ability to see that she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. How can I help her help herself and help her understand that she shouldn’t stay with him. She is pregnant and he strangled her this time  Thank you for contacting us. I am sorry your daughter is in this situation. I am glad you listened to your intuition and sought help from law enforcement. Unfortunately, it is ultimately up to your daughter to decide what she accepts in her intimate partner relationships. As her mother, I encourage you to continue being in her corner and trying to help her make the best choices for her and the child. You can support her by providing more information on abuse and options she can seek. You can find these resources on our website Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. and a few others that I believe you would find useful. (Everyone deserves a healthy relationship – is yours? | love is respect , 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship – One Love Foundation (joinonelove.org) , Healthy Relationships: 32 Signs, Tips, Red Flags, and More (healthline.com) & Healthy Relationships – The Hotline) Please feel free to contact our 24-hour support and information line for further assistance at 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you. 
My husband has been hiring (hitting) me and then blanking me I have asked him to stop but he always saying playing with you it’s light your over dramatic called me crazy then I started fighting back but he hit me harder and then said he was playing that I abuse him for fighting back he is in the navy and i stay at home he won’t let me work  Thank you for reaching out to us with your concerns. I am sorry your husband has been treating you this way. It seems that you have been experiencing physical, mental, emotional and financial abuse. To determine this for yourself, please refer to our definition of abuse on our website Get Informed: Domestic Violence – WEAVE, Inc. If you would like further assistance with your situation, support and more resources, please contact our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you. 
Who should I report this to my friend neighbor is always being yelled and I have seen her with bruises I have asked her if she is being hit by her husband but she always denies it. I don’t know if she is scared to say something but I can always hear her husband yell at her all the time and cursing at her. They have 2 kids as well. I really don’t k ow how to help her.  Thank you for contacting us. I am sorry to hear that you believe your friend is being abused by their husband. If you suspect abuse, you have an option to contact your local law enforcement, but this choice is ultimately up to you. If you would like more information and options of support for your friend, please contact our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. It would be great to speak with you. 
Can I report an ex to police for calling me repeatedly from a blocked number, encouraging phone sex … when we haven’t talked in over 7 years? No idea how he even obtained my phone number.. when rejected and hung up on, continues to call me even after being told police will be called  Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry you are experiencing this. Contacting your local law enforcement is an option for you. Please do what you believe is the best choice for your safety and well-being. If you would like access to more resources and support, please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952. We would be happy to speak with you and support you in anyway. 
My neighbor’s fight all the time the girl has had the man arrested like two or three times. The court has placed a stay away order on him to stay away from her but they live together and now he’s back again and I can hear them fighting all day long again how can I report it or have something done about them not being together cuz there’s a stay away order 

Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. It sounds like you have some concerns about your neighbors wellbeing. In the case that you are concerned for someone’s safety, we would advise you to contact 911. Your neighber can also call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952.  

 

This is weird. I’ve been sexually abused repeatedly throughout my life. I’m 63. My last boyfriend just did this to me. I’ve blocked him. He cannot contact me. Weirdest thing. I cannot hardly remember what he looks like. It’s only been a few days. What’s going on. I’m scared. This has never happened.  Hi there, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, it’s normal to be feeling scared and overwhelmed. Everyone’s experience is different, but it’s normal to have memory gaps and feel frightened and overwhelmed. If you think it might be helpful, we would love to talk with you more. You can reach our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. We can offer support and resources for you if your are interested, you get to decide what will be best for youl.  
me and my fiancé had a dv episode about 8 months ago while we were both extremely drunk, my daughter was there and seen most of it happen and ive been really struggling lately with anxiety and I have fears of him hitting me, throwing things at me, him killing me and all kinds of things, even though he has never threatened those things EVER when we argue I get extreme anxiety and just flip out, we both want help, I want to over come these fears and he wants to get therapy to learn to communicate in a way that doesn’t trigger me, when we argue he’s not saying threats or anything to me its just more of his tone of voice (he has a naturally deep voice) and his body language, when we argue I instantly need space and want to leave and he rather talk about things right then and there. other then the dv that happened 8 months ago we have a really good relationship I just think im struggling with PTSD, I really want help but ive been afraid to get help since we have kids and my thoughts get so dark and scary im not sure if they’ll report it. Again he doesn’t threaten to harm me and he never has its just my mind is dark and my anxiety is really high… can you guys help us???  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, from what it sounds like, your family and you are going through a lot at the moment. If you would like more support regarding this situation, please reach us at our 24-hour support line: 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. 

I have a toxic family and would appreciate not having to constantly feel weak at my parents words. Emotional abuse. Nothing physical. My whole life emotional abuse. 

I’m 21 now and I’m mentally exhausted. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a lot, in the moment. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
Can I report an ex to police for calling me repeatedly from a blocked number, encouraging phone sex … when we haven’t talked in over 7 years? No idea how he even obtained my phone number.. when rejected and hung up on, continues to call me even after being told police will be called.  Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns. Yes, you may report their actions to the police if that is what you would like to do. That is a very reasonable reaction to their behavior, to maintain your own safety and peace of mind. If you would like more support regarding this situation, please reach us at our 24-hour support line: 916-920-2952. We would love to speak with you and assess your situation further, so we may possibly offer additional resources. 
My daughter is 28 and her boyfriend is 35 , he just beat her, she has a concussion and double vision, was reported to police . Case number given but they have not served him yet with the 7 day restraining order, she is terrified but started responding to his messages. She will not press charges can I press charges she lives with us. Caught them meeting and he took her to his house. If this restraining order was served he would of not contacted her. I can post in the news paper what he did to my daughter, can I report it to his work?  We’re sorry to hear you and your daughter have experienced this, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. We do our best to answer all the questions that come our way, but unfortunately offering legal advice on our messages boards is out of our scope. Although we cannot make decisions for our loved ones, we can remain supportive and understand that they know their relationship best. It sounds like you and your daughter might benefit from some more support, and if you’re comfortable we would love to talk with you more. Either of you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952 if that sounds helpful. We can connect you with internal services including things like legal and counseling – everything is voluntary.  
My husband hits me and chokes me and kicks me and strangled me and says he will murder me. He punches me and grabs my arms grabs my body parts and gropes me. At this point I am terrified to leave and for people to see me covered in bruises. I know he is going to kill me because he tried previously and something went wrong. I have nowhere to hide. His family and friends All support him in beating and murdering me. He also claims that he beat his ex fiancé (who had serious mental l illness) and his mother calls her atrocious profanities. He said his family will “crush” me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. I am sorry you have been dealing with such violence and harmful threats. We would love to provide you with some immediate support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We live together but it’s my name on the lease. He doesn’t work and doesn’t pay bills, the only thing he contributes is groceries once a month when he gets his food stamps. He struggles with alcohol and usually drinks a pint a day. He’s promised to stop in the past and will go as far to walk 4 miles to the liquor store and back if I refuse to take him. Recently we have gotten in some pretty bad fights, I hit him once and he chocked me hit me and put a hole through the bathroom door when I was inside. I want to leave him but I don’t know how to in a way that won’t put me in danger. We also have an 8 week old puppy he is threatening to take if we break up. I made sure to get the puppy’s insurance and 1st round of shots in my name. But he says he has proof that he is his since his friend gave him to him. I’m scared of loosing the puppy, because I love him, but also because I know my boyfriend can’t take proper care of him. He won’t get his shots done, he has a bad habit of hitting him to hard, he won’t buy good dog food, and when his old dogs got to be too much he just let them run away. I just want him out and my dog safe. If anyone has advice I would appreciate it.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. I am sorry you have been dealing with such violence and harmful threats. It seems that you are in fear of you boyfriend, for yourself and the safety of your pet.  We would love to provide you with some support as soon as possible, and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I’m gay, and had to leave college to stay w my religious, homophobic family for the first several months of the pandemic. The day I was due to (secretly) leave, my psychopathic brother attacked me. I almost died and have been physically scarred for life. 
 
My brother is a cop, faced no repercussions (my injuries were framed as an accident by my whole family) and has a history of cyberstalking me. Im living with my boyfriend and have changed my name, and feel mostly safe now, but I’ve recently started looking him up compulsively. I know it’s unhealthy bc it sends me into anxiety attacks and fits of depression but I can’t bring myself to tell my therapist about it. I just want to know why I’m doing that. It feels so shameful and self defeating - logically, I know how stupid it is. Do I want him to find me or something? Please, I’m trying so hard to move on. I just need an explanation for my own behavior. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being open with us about what you have been experiencing. I am sorry that you have been attacked by your family. It seems that you could benefit from a few of our services. We would love to help with your safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. 
My boyfriend uses to do drugs before we met I use to drink. He had 4 years sober, and I drank some he did too. He said alcohol was never a problem. Well over a year ago he wanted to do drugs. He said it’s like a sex drug because he knows I love sex. Well…..we got pregnant big surprise. I stopped drinking anything. I drank some for a couple months then would stop almost a year had 3 years. So more off then on in our relationship. He continued drugs and would stop and start. His drugs make him watch porn and totally detach. I got mad at him and threw nuts at him a roll of toilet paper pushed him another day. Mind u I was pregnant. He was not helpful. I asked for an English muffin during morning sickness. He yelled at me said I was controlling him. He would take me to baby doctor and would leave to do drugs and get them because with covid he could not come in to Doctor. He gets mad at me when I tell him his drug use is killing me. I am sad and depressed. I joined Alaonon. He said I was abusive because I threw those things at him. He got mad at me and pushed me off bed. He chocked me the other day because he was in bathroom 5 hours and I had to pee. I told him I can’t take his drug use anymore. He gets mad when I ask him about it. Says me telling him to stop makes him go and want to go and get more. I said I would support him. I started drinking some after baby was born to cope. Reached out for cooling for me. And counselor called CPS thought my kids were in danger. I never said a word about my partner. So now we cannot get outside help. I go to zoom Alaonon and church now in my mask. Buy am I an abuser because he drives me out of my mind with drugs Jeopardizing his job, family, health…etc.. I’m so sad. I don’t want to break up.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE to receive some support. It is saddening to read what you have been experiencing. I hope we can provide the guidance you may need. We can’t define your experiences for you but we can offer our definition of domestic violence which some find helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you, and if you think it would be helpful we would love to talk with you more about your circumstance and offer you some additional resources. We hope to hear from you very soon. Please give our 24-hour support line a call at 916-920-2952. 

What can I do with the Washington County police didn’t help my daughter and grandbaby with the man that beat her? 

I called the cops after hearing the boyfriend beat my daughter? With the baby in the home. The boyfriends mother did the same thing to and didn’t help her. I was in a decent relationship for 20 years. I’m at a loss that they did put the abuser im jail!! She’s tried to leave he don’t allow it. The police have been a few times. I don’t care how many times. U never ever leave a child and and mother in the home with a abuser!! If they was to lazy to do the paper work they don’t need to cops. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us here at WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear you and your daughter are going through so much. It can be so terrifying and frustrating to watch your child go through something like this. While this can be scary, we must trust that they know their relationship best. We can’t make the choices for them, but we can support them and be there for them, which it sounds like you’re doing. Some find our safety planning PDFs helpful. They can be found at: https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. The national domestic violence hotline can also offer 24 hour support and information via phone or chat. They can be reached at: 1 (800) 799-7233 

http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ 

My question is how long do I stay? 
 
Why does she treat me like this? 

 

Back-round time; 
My Fiancé and I have been together for 15 months, at the beginning her life was a mess, and mine was not in much better shape if not worse. Both of us have very different kind of issues. They have been caught talking to old flame of which has an active order of protection against them. Truthfully, I did take it upon myself to look though the phone. Invading privacy sure, but I feel that once we have been sexual privacy kinda becomes shared. I am very open with my phone and anyone I chat with even in passing. Upon asking her about it she turns the blame and makes me feel at fault. 
 
we fight about a few things here and there, I am not the greatest at sticking to my word from time to time, I feel like I don’t want to upset people by sticking to my guns so I tend to lean on just agreeing that I’m the bad person. I know I could be better and I actively try to correct my faults before they happen and then when they happen trying to learn. 
Cut to recently she has been talking to some guy on snap for a month and is still calling victim. Guy lives in Florida so even if it is cheating, I love this girl and want to figure it out. 
she has hit me a few times, threaten to kill me or herself.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you recognize that certain aspects of your relationship aren’t healthy or how you would like them to be. It can be difficult to navigate these types of things, we would be happy to talk with you further through our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. You’re the expert on yourself and your relationship, but some find it helpful to have external support, if you think it would be helpful you can also contact Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling.  

My husband and I have been together for just over 3 years we have two kids together (our oldest, 2, was born out of wedlock). The abuse at first was very minuscule seeing as we live with his parents for the first 2 years of us being together. At first it was just manipulation, he would manipulate the circumstance to best suit himself even if that meant contradicting himself. And if I called him out on it he would just say that I was crazy and that he never said that. For the longest time I couldn’t see what he was doing. He was slowly building thing up to the point where I started questioning my own sanity. Even simple things like events that never took place or even whole conversations that happened, he would try to convince me they hadn’t. At the time I was very heavily influenced by the way that I was raised. That being that the woman is to submit to the man and the man is in charge of everything and anything and everything the man wanted, he was supposed to get. Whether I wanted that or whether it was wrong or not. That leaves a lot of lead way for the man to do whatever the fuck he wants. He then started to use that against me whenever he wanted sex but I didn’t. This happened quite a lot. He frequently tried to make me feel bad and guilty when I said I didn’t want to. He would tell me that it’s my responsibility as a wife to give him what he wants. Because I had given my body to him and that I belonged to him so if he wanted sex then he should have it. He would make me feel so guilty and bad half the time that I complied. And when I didn’t comply he would blame me for his actions.

About two weeks ago now, we got into an argument about the house is never cleaned and that I’m lazy and a fucking slob and how nothing ever stay cleaned (we have two children age 2 and 7 months in a tiny house. No shit) and how I don’t do my job (btw I’m a stay at home mom). He told me me everything better be cleaned by the time he got home or else. I said, or else what? He said or else I’m going to tie you up and take you to Alabama where I can beat your ass (we live in Florida). I was in total disbelief and didn’t really know what to say. I wouldn’t put it passed him at this point. I try to act as if what he said hadn’t shaken me and tell him he will do no such thing. He then goes into our bedroom and proceeds to take our laundry basket full of clean, folded clothes, and starts throwing them all over the room, he knocks down a couple of things that are on the dresser while he’s throwing clothes everywhere and then throws the basket on the floor. He walks out and tells me I better have this shit cleaned up before he gets back home. I broke down in tears after he left.

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. No one deserves to experience this. We can’t define your experiences or relationship, but we can offer definitions for certain terms that can be helpful. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. Additionally, we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. This includes forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or do anything to you without your explicit consent. Your body is your own. The safety of yourself and your children is the most important thing. You know your relationship best so you get to make those choices – we have a safety planning handout that some find helpful: https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. You can also call or chat the national domestic violence hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233 

http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ 

 

Why do I wish he would have killed me?  Hi there, thank you for writing in – it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. It’s normal to feel this way when you’ve been overwhelmed and experienced something terrible. Please know that you are not alone, and it’s ok to feel this way – there’s nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be supported, and we’re here for you. You can call our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952. You know yourself best, but we can offer support and resources that might help during this time. Crisis Text Line also offers 24/7 support. If you text “HOME” to 741741 you will be connected with a crisis counselor who can provide a listening ear and help with things like safety planning and coping skills.  

I was abused by narcissist who has had me falsely arrested for DUI because I tried to kill myself the morning before on a Saturday that’s Sunday evening I finally I was fed up and tried to escape. It was really bad weather and I flipped my car because I overcorrected when I hit a puddle. I’ve dealt with this man’s abuse emotional and intimidating me by hitting walls next to my head. I’ve been falsely arrested and now come to find out I probably will violate my probation because he canceled my SR-22 without my consent and I am being treated like crap I’ve had to pay the ultimate price for being emotionally abused and intimidated and treated like crap I have lost everything thrown out on the streets being disabled the cops told me to leave and go to a shelter.

 I think that narcissistic abuse since it’s one of the worst types should be considered domestic violence but every time I call the domestic violence hotline they tell me there is nothing they can do for me because I was not hit or physically abused. What is wrong with the situation I know how both feels and like I said I’d rather be physically abused than what I have just went through and I have to pay the ultimate price for being abused and cannot get help being the fact that I was disabled and abandoned. This is a messed up situation and I believe something needs to be done about it because people like me are just left to deal with it and put in jail for nothing like we’re not already traumatized enough

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a lot, in the moment. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
My girlfriend of 8 yrs, we have a child together, and when we argue she always gets up in my face and tells me she wishes me dead and she says to me please go somewhere and commit suicide and kill yourself, I wish and pray you would die that this would make her so happy and will celebrate and throw a genuinely didnitnhe committed suicide thank god I’ve never once said those words or had the thought or said these words or anything about this and she always says this to me even in front of our children 3 and 9. Is there any legal recourse or laws against this? I call it sociopathic bullying. What, if any, legal recourse and sources are there? She is physically violent. She hits me, slaps me, punches me. If she hurts herself when I block her blows she calls the police and I go to jail 3 times now in Texas. What steps should I take, please please help me. I’m male she is female.  

Hi there, it sounds like you have quite a bit going on. While we try to answer all questions, offering legal advice on our message boards is outside of our scope. You mentioned you’re living in Texas, unfortunately our legal resources require you reside in Sacramento County. We would recommend contacting your local courthouse or police department for more information regarding legal action in this situation, if you are comfortable doing so. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for more support at 1.800.799.7233. 

 

How can I get help I just called the police on my husband but they didn’t do anything 

Please help me 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a lot, in the moment. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 

Does your company help someone who is going through an emotional abuse?, where there is a woman who live with a family, & she is mm of blood related but is used for money the family is being control by her bank no rest hardly. She has a pacemaker & is really trying to avoid stress from struggling to survive. Emotionally she is filled with a lot of anger & sometimes harm herself to feel good. Do you help women like that? 

She use to live in her car for 8 yes & is deciding to go back & live in her car just to have peace again. She is going through an emotional stress thats gone to harm herself or others 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. 

If you or she feel comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options there is available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. It seems that you have been experiencing some challenging circumstances. We would love to provide you with some support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for assistance with providing resources for your daughter. To further assist your concerns about how to move forward, please call our 24/7 support line at (916) 920 -2952. We will be happy to connect you to the appropriate resources. If you are in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support. However, this decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel most comfortable with here. 
Ive been married for 13 years and we have both struggled with meth addiction and it has destroyed so much. It’s a cycle that never stopped no matter how hard i would try to make my husband happy he would relapse and fall right back into the lifestyle of cheating and disappearing for days it’s like his mind was so invaded by pornography and the fantasies that I could never please him and he would in turn go further and further in order to be satisfied. To the point where i caught him in so many situations that i have no choice but to question his sexual preference and now really think that he has been cheating with men and women. If he was ever questioned or caught the situation would get very intense and he is a lot bigger than me so ultimately if it got physical i was getting hurt. All the trust is gone there is no even knowing how to deal with any of this because unless I saw it, he will never admit it. This has worn me down to the point where i finally took our 2 kids and left him. I’m so lost i had to go to homeless shelter because none of our family wants the drama and, in the past,, he has caused a lot of problems. I realize there is no easy solution for any of this i loved that man for almost half my life and yes I’m hurt and betrayed by him and yes i feel like he should have been honest ( I don’t think he can even admit this to himself) but as the father of my kids and someone I thought i would be with forever I don’t hate him i just wish he could maybe be ok with himself enough to live a happy normal life. This is not what I signed up for at all he knows that i would not have stuck around for as long as i have if he would have been honest. It’s not fair for either of us in different aspects. I just want this all behind me this more than i can process. My kids and I were put through way too much over all of this. I just don’t know what to do from here.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and being transparent about your experiences. It seems that you have been experiencing some challenging circumstances. We would love to provide you with some support and have an advocate walk you through some safety planning, as well as offer some other options for you on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are looking forward to assisting you. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I have been with my fiancé for 15 months. The entire 15 months he has been promising to do two specific things for me. He still hasn’t done them. When I bring it up he turns it into a fight and blames me for being a terrible person. I’ve supported him the whole 15 months and he is needy. I’ve done everything he’s asked of me. Am I wrong for asking and wanting him to keep his word? I feel I’m being emotionally abused.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. At WEAVE we define abuse as improper use or treatment of a person or a thing. Most of the time it is a pattern of behavior, although this may not always be the case. Emotional abuse can be things such as putdowns/insults, excessive criticism, blaming, manipulation, and gaslighting. If you’re comfortable, you can reach out to our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 to speak with someone. All our services are optional and confidential and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you, you know yourself best.  

I am in the middle of a court battle with my ex girlfriend. We ended up becoming mutually toxic and abusive to each other. I ended up with pending charges. This is going to sound surprising, but I genuinely want to be able to support victims of domestic violence (which psychological abuse has a long term negative effect on your brains functioning) but that’s not an easy case to prove. 
Anyways! I was wondering if you could provide me with some tips on how to support and volunteer for causes like these with a pending record. I am having so much trouble finding jobs and now I found a passion for helping kids like i was who suffer from long term ACE. 
If you have any advice on how I can still support my community, please respond! 
P.s. soory I didnt know how to email you directly. 

 

My circumstances seem highly questionable but I am finally ready to become a better person than I was before. I had a weak value system and didn’t stand up for my boundaries when I needed myself the most. I refuse to let my past traumas continue to hinder my future. And I know my purpose is to help young adults or kids prevent themselves from walking down the same path I had to in order to find my purpose. To help those who have no voice, learn that they do matter and their voice was made to be heard. Proud Supporter of ACE programs. 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You took the first step, and it sounds like you want to make positive changes. We try our best to answer all questions, but any legal advice is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support and clarification about your pending charges. If you are looking for support during this time, you can also call Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. 
I’ve been dating my fiancé for almost 3 years. A couple weeks ago we got in a fight and he almost chocked me to death, gave me a black eye and humiliated me. I haven’t told anyone but I took pictures of the abuse and wrote my story down in a Google drive, I don’t trust anyone to tell, my family lives in Europe and I’m in the USA by myself. I would like to have someone notice the authorities if I happen to disappear and give them the password to my drive where all the evidence is. Is there anyone who could help me with this? He is a rich man and things he’s beyond the law.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, and opening about your situation, it is clear you are going through a lot at the moment. We truly admire your strength, you are not alone. We want you to know that we are here to support you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
I need help to leave far away. Like states away from where I am with my kids. If they won’t come (they can stay with my family). But, I have got to go. My ex has ruined my life here and lies about me and threatens me. The police won’t do anything it is like a game of cat and mouse for them. I have a protection order but it is a joke. I can’t tell you how many times I have called the police. So, I give in to my ex’s threats whether it be sex or taking him somewhere or just entertaining his time. I’m miserable!! Someone told me the other day that I give in out of fear of what he may do. I have to leave the state I am in. He has done everything from hit me and then pull out his phone and record me crying and trying to shove him off of me so he can tell his friends and put it on social media saying that I am the abuser. When it is a lie!!!! He snapped photos of me getting out of the shower and posted it on social media so I would take him back one time. I have changed my number maybe 5 or 6 times this past year alone. I get emails by the hundreds everyday and texts. He put me in the hospital one time and beat me so badly that I had a neck brace and shifted my jaw. The next day I called my boss because I couldn’t come to work beat up and every blood vessel in my face and eyes burst from him choking me so long and she fired me because of it. I have lost jobs from him coming into my workplace and stealing. He has isolated me from everyone. Made me look like an idiot in front of my family. My life here is not repairable because it is a very small town. I moved to the next town 20 mins away a year ago because I thought it would give more distance since I couldn’t afford to go further, but it didn’t work. My life is ruined here and he has even ruined my new career in real estate. I need help and the help is not here and this is only a small piece of the things he has done to me the last 4 years. He is obsessed with me and he says he will never let me go that we are meant to be together. Saying he is obsessed is an understatement. I may be the next girl you hear about on the news because the situation is that bad. I can’t live like this anymore Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and opening up about this, it’s clear that you’re going through a lot right now. We appreciate your bravery and honesty. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe with your kids. It looks like you are trying to figure out the next steps for your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning 
I discovered I’m a violent partner, as in I’m insecure, controlling, tell him what to do, control who he talks and hang out with and control his internet access. I wasn’t always like this but I discovered he was lying and cheating all this time, also discovered his porn addiction and ever since then I’ve become really toxic. I know I need help but idk how to go back to trusting him and how to help him and myself. I love him but I can’t even sleep at night because that’s when he goes to watch porn. What can I do to help me and him with this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you have a lot on your mind, and are in a tough situation. It is important to realize one’s behavior and we are glad you reached out for help. We encourage you to contact A Center for Recovery (800) 444-1014 or http://www.acenterforrecovery.com/, this program helps with all types of addictions, including pornography. You can also call Affordable Counseling, (916) 630-9188 or visit their website at http://www.affordablecounseling.net/. This program is open to all, women and men, for individual, couple, or family counseling. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  
Hey there. So my father and brother got into an argument that led to a domestic event in which my father was arrested. He punched my brother’s face in the mouth and he split his lip open. The police were called. The only reason he hit him is because we he was black out drunk. My father is the nicest person ever sober. But if je gets a hold of liquor it’s bad. This is the first time in 15 years he has had liquor and he has never committed a violent act on anyone. I’m not trying to defend him but even my brother, the one who was assaulted, said he knows that’s not who my father really is. I’m so nervous about so many different things even though I’m not the victim, I’m feeling everyone’s emotions on it. My brother was also tipsy but my father was literally barely conscious. We all live together. After the court case is there a chance they will order the 2 of them not to be around each other? Neither one of them has another place to go. My family has stuck through thick and thin together and alcohol was a dark force involved in this that shouldn’t have ever occurred. We want the family to go back to normal but I’m so nervous that it won’t. We all just bought a new home together a few weeks ago as well, and my father is extremely sorry for his actions and swears off drinking ever again. Any advice???  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, it’s brave of you to share your story. It must have been so frightening and disorienting to witness violence between your father and brother. It’s normal to feel anxious an uncertain in situations like this. All of your feelings are ok. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We can offer you some resources as you navigate this confusing time. A Community For Peace works with intimate partner violence as well as family violence. You can reach their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210 or their regular business line at 916-723-5613 between 10am-4pm.  
My wife has abused me sexually, emotionally, and mentally, among other ways. Why does no one believe men victims?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, that takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you’ve been going through a lot. We are glad you reached out. You deserve to have your story heard, and to feel safe and supported. There can be a lot of stigma around male survivors, but you should know that you are not alone. If you are comfortable, you can reach out to our 24-hour support line at: 916-920-2952. We have a variety of services that might be helpful to you, and they are all voluntary. You’re the expert in you’re own situation and you know what will work best for you, but we are here 24/7 to provide you with support and information if you want it. 
Have an insane alcoholic brother living in my home. I live in Spokane Wa. Verbal abuse and disrespecting the other roommates what can I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are sorry to hear that so much is going on in your home. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation. You deserve to have a home that feels safe. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. But you are not alone, we can recommend some resources that might be helpful for you. Substance and Mental Health Services (SAMHSA) has resources for services that could be helpful, you can reach them at their 24 hour confidential hotline 1 (800) 662-4357 or go to https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline . 
My fiance has never been abusive toward me but we got in a stupid fight. He went and got a knife to cut my ring off. He cut me enough to draw blood. I got really upset and laughed at me like its no big deal. Should I leave?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It can be so disorienting when the person you love behaves in a way that scares and hurts you. No one deserves to experience that; you deserve to feel safe. The decision to leave is yours alone, as you know your situation best, but we can provide you with support, resources, and information during this difficult time. If you’re comfortable you can call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 and we would love to talk with you more. 
Hello, 
 
My name is Julie and I am based in Modesto, California. I am currently in the process of publishing a book about domestic violence. Would I be able to donate a copy to your organization to use as a resource? 
 
Thank you for your time, 
 
Julie Bernardo 
Hello Julie! Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE! Congrats on your book. We appreciate you thinking of us. For donation inquiries, we suggest calling our business office at 916-448-2321 for more information. Again, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Stay safe! 

If I hit my girlfriend and no cops were called and then a few days later she spit in my kid’s face and then the cops were called would I still get in trouble still I think yes someone else said no 

  

  

Wondering what would happen

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope and we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident.  
I finally got brave enough to file a report on my abuser because we have had two months apart and I am starting to see things clearly. Instead of feel sorry for him, I’m starting to see what he did to me and I don’t want it to happen to anyone else. Plus He thinks we are still a couple and will be crazy when I tell him I don’t want him back up here. A police officer told me the thing that would be asked the most is “why now”… It makes all the sense in the world to me. I’ve been extremely trauma bonded to him so much so I’m still wondering if I should file charges. I have lots of pictures of the abuse. The police came to our house 18 times in 2018, less in 2019 and less in 2020 because I learned how to be quiet and not fight back. I always told the police he didn’t hurt me. He did. What do I say to combat the “why now” question. ? I’m already safe from him. I am the one who allowed everything to continue. He said I would have to sit in court and prove it in front of a jury. He said since it happened dozens of times he could end up in prison. I don’t want it to look like I’m being petty or vindictive. Please help  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to hear this information. It is normal that you are feeling the way you are feeling. You are entitled to feel however you want about this situation and it is not your fault. It seems like this has been a lot to process.  If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I am a victim of domestic violence and unlike many before me I am a survivor. Back in October 2020 I was physically assualted by my boyfriend and I finally told him that I couldn’t take it anymore. I said look these bruises all over me are from your hands. I asked him to please get help with his drug abuse which fueled his abusive behavior towards me. He says to me so what are you saying that I abused you. Then he said I will never stop using marijuana and if you don’t like it then get the f out of my house. This was the home I’d lived in and took care of him and everything in the house for almost 4 years. Two days later he served me eviction notice and told me I had 7 days to get out. 90% of everything in the house belonged to me. I responded to the notice in time just asking for a reasonable amount of time for me to find a job and a safe place to go being I have no family to help. Once he realized he couldn’t just toss me out in a week he began his mission to destroy my life. He just served eviction but now he forbid anyone from coming on his property to help me pack and get out. For the next month I endured his abuse emotionally, physically and was sexually assualted. I made a appointment to meet with the judge to file a TPO on him but he managed to get me served first literally 24 hours before I had someone coming with a moving truck and my neighbor had rented a storage unit. My world was turned upside down as I now became homeless and broke. I had to seek shelter in a Domestic Violence Shelter that my own mother founded. [Shortened for length]

This has been the biggest battle and fight of my life. Please help before I become a Casualty of Clayton county Ga Courts. I might die trying but I will not remain silent anymore and MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD. [Name redacted for privacy]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like to be going through this. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we suggest reaching out to your local courthouse for legal advice and/or assistance. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
my ex and I had toxic issues in the past that left with a night in jail, paying out of pocket for a lawyer, other court fees and paying out of pocket for court ordered D.O. classes. At the time of the incident he ended up needing stitches. He was not working so he has general state medical insurance. That was may 2019 now he’s trying to make me pay his medical bill. Are there proper steps i should take? or can i obtain his medical insurance records to prove he has his own insurance? im in the state of MN. thank you  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we suggest reaching out to your local courthouse for legal advice and/or assistance. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Hello. I am currently living in the home that I shared with my now ex boyfriend. He was arrested for assaulting me & strangling me. The case in awaiting it trial start. Since the incident, December 27, I have been non-stop harassed & stalked. My children & I feel safe in this home, & I’ve continued to pay rent. Our neighbors & police all work together to keep us safe. The house in my ex boyfriend’s name with his father as a non- occupying co-borrower. His parents have moved in, moved out due the stalking order. However the stalking order didn’t stick because they didn’t cause physical harm. Since the stalking order has been removed, the parents have been outside the house every single day. I’ve been served with a 30 day notice & they are now saying they are going to list it tomorrow for sale. I haven’t had a second to catch my breath. Constant watching 24/7, following & photos taken. A home inspection with photos relayed to my abuser. I now have a variation of trauma induced agoraphobia. Do I have rights in this matter? I’m scared.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support or our legal team at (916)319-4944 for additional information. 
Should I break up with him if sometimes when he gets really angry he throws things? Not at me ever. He recently threw his phone and crack my windshield. He didn’t mean to damage my car, but now I’m confused  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. I am sorry that you have to deal with type of behavior. Whatever you are feeling right now is normal and valid. While dealing with this relationship might be tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My 33 year old daughter and 3 year old grandson was being abused by her boyfriend, he was beating her and threatening to kill her, she left before but always went back. Anytime she called police he’d convince them it wasn’t true and beat her so much worse when they’d leave. She’d fight back, he’d fight harder and hurt her worse. She called my husband and myself for help “come now I need help I’m leaving bring protection he’s going to kill me. Hurry mom please I’m scared” my husband grabbed his gun and we went to save her. My husband was arrested gun was locked in truck. But neighbors are friends with him said gun was pulled now my husband may go to jail for trying to protect my daughter. Any advice? We’re in ohio and her boyfriend stayed there but wasn’t on lease.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope and we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding legal & the filing process. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 

what can i do i was assualted with a baseball bat by my next door down neighbor fractured t11,broken right hand ,concussion,and right eye was gouged pretty bad, i just was told that the prosecuting attorney is not going to press charges . I had a friend who saw the whole assualt begining to end vwhat can i do im fricken furious 

 

he had a loaded AR- 15 and a glock loaded with safetys off laying on his couch 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation and it makes sense why you are upset. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we suggest reaching out to your local courthouse for legal advice and/or assistance with a restraining order. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I am the step mother to three amazing kids (12-17). Their parents’ divorce was pretty rough, and their mother manipulated them to use them as leverage for financial gain. Over the years, she has become increasingly emotionally and mentally abusive as well as neglectful. She is also in a relationship with a man who beat her in front of the children. They beg us to help them. They have all said that they are terrified of their mother and have all said they don’t feel safe around her and are afraid she will hurt them. There have also been comments made that imply that they all want to hurt themselves. We spent all of our money on attorneys, but unfortunately, the court system and CPS give her the benefit of the doubt and have done nothing. Two kids have asked for counseling, but she refuses to allow that stating that the kids are fine and that we are the issue. She isolates them from adults, especially anyone that’s a mandated reporter. I know there are some counselors that will work with kids without consent from both parents. The other challenge is that we only have them every other weekend, so it’s hard to find a counselor that will do that and has a flexible schedule. These kids need a safe space where they can be who they are, express their fears, and find their voices. I want them to grow up to be happy productive adults. I want to help them, but I feel hopeless and powerless. What resources are available?  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you and your step children are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your courage to reach out for help. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24-hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. I do want to remind you if there are any concerns for you or your children’s safety that you contact your local law enforcement agency or 911. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Hi. I am a landlord. I warned the tenants if I hear any more domestic violence I will boot them both out. 

 

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I warned the tenants if I hear any more domestic violence I will boot them both out. I do not mean to be callous, i was assaulted over 50 times, and now that I have been reading about domestic violence, its upset me, because I realized I have had domestic violence. I never even condidered it even when my lover said he kill me and held a gun on me, and all the men who verbally abused me. So wake up call. The violence I hear is shouting really loud, enought for it to travel to my home and wake me up at 2 am. Cursing, smashing the door shut. She turns out to be a piece of work herself, a grifter I just found out, conned her way into my rental with the Fires in california, but turns out she did not lose her house and is scamming FEMA, gofundme, so not a nice couple and it triggers me horribly. I gave them a 2700 off a month to help them thinking they had lost everything, but now I see they played me as a fool. They were opportunists. I am scared of the man. I am small a elder and bed ridden, so I feel in danger. Thank you for this site. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It looks like you are looking for help with this situation, if you are open and have not done so already, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted person in your life. These people can be family, school counselors, teachers, therapists, and doctors.  If you would like additional support or information, we would be more than happy to talk with you on our 24/7 anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952. 

 I left an abusive relationship over 20 years ago after careful planning. I have gone to therapy for the resulting PTSD. My abuser died 9 years ago, I still hate him. How can I get over it? I know we are supposed to “forgive” people, but, I don’t know how to do that. In fact, I want to go spit (or worse) on his grave, and I think I would if I wasn’t 1800 miles away. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you. 

 

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I consider the abuse I suffered as domestive violence, although it was not physical, it was emotional, psychological, verbal, controlling, demeaning. It was awful. 

Hi, thank you for sharing your story with us. We are so sorry to hear about what you went through. No one deserves to go through this. It is absolutely normal to feel everything that you are currently feeling. It is a lot to go through. Have you considered going to counseling? Here at WEAVE we offer individual counseling, so if you are interested or would like to know more please reach out to us at 916-920-2952 to get more information. This is a lot to process and we would love to further support you. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I tend to not listen to my spouse because he is berating me, over controlling, long lectures, condescending, its all my faults always, I made him do it, monopolizing, emotionally abusive, name calling etc …he wants to know why I don’t listen. He asks why. I think well it should be obvious, but he actually thinks its normal to demand me to sit down and listen to him rant about me as his method to resolve. Forced. Then when I don’t show interest since its not really about us talking like a normal husband and wife but his expectation for me to sit and listen or ELSE. He is now threatening to hit me if I don’t sit like a good doggie and listen. There is more but I don’t know how secure all this is yet  
 
All I can say is that it did escalate and I am at a loss. I should be scared and I was when it happens but I want to convince myself it will get better. In a way I still am scared because seeing a person flip like that and seeing what they are capable of betrays trust and takes away my security. I know it wont change. I do not know where to start.  
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services and sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time and I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your spouse. No one deserves to be treated like this and it is no way your fault. Managing a relationship is hard and it makes sense to want to help those that we love. Though we cannot change the actions of others, it is important to think about how to stay safe. You are the expert on your relationship and you get to decide what steps to take. We would love to provide further support on our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 
My boyfriend is a psychopath. He knows that, and reminds me sometimes. He wants me to love him, but he hates the idea of me being in-love with him. He’ll yell, throw things, grab my face + neck. My friends say this is “Not normal, not okay, and definitely not love.” But I know even if he walked out, and dropped everything, I’d still love him. What now? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services and sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time and I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your boyfriend. No one deserves to be treated like this and it is no way your fault. Managing a relationship is hard and it makes sense to want to help those that we love. Though we cannot change the actions of others, it is important to think about how to stay safe. You are the expert on your relationship and you get to decide what steps to take.  

We would love to provide further support on our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 

If my ex claimed when he hit me it was an accident and he claims it wasnt out of anger bc he wasnt yelling and i reported it would they believe him? 

 

Additional comments: 

We are going through custody case bc i wanted to move out and make my own money. I recorded him secretly for my lawyer as evidence im not the person he told judge i was…he hit me one month later and i got it on video and audio. Lawyer said if i cant prove it to be anything but accident ill lose my kids its been almost a year and i havent reported it and just moved out w our kids in sept 2020 but im still scared of him 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and very scary. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at 

 https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning. 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both. 

My husband hit me to prove a point yesterday about how he feels every time our autistic son lunges at him. He has never done this before. It threw me for a loop. He said he didn’t hit me that hard. It hurt and it shocked me. It was completely unexpected. I don’t know if this is the beginning of an abusive marriage. I feel so angry and sad. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward. People who are abusive like this follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. I would suggest calling our support line at 916-920-2952 so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning.   

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.   

Hi im 11 turning 12 in 8 days. Sadly my dad is a gaslighting drunk parent, whenever he drinks he gets childish and says things about my family which makes me mad. I have a god mom and a aunt that are willing to pay for legal services and stuff to keep me safe. It can get lonely when you are away from all family, they live in indiana while i live in chicago. When my dad in not drunk he still kinda has the same personality just without as much….enthusiasm. My grandma lives here too but her leg had to get cut off, i can sometimes tell she doesn’t want me here. My grandma isn’t your typical grandma, she’s not all hugs and kisses, for example she once stabbed me with a plastic fork. I dont even have a bedroom yet. My god mom had me for SEVERAL years but one day my mom was sick and i had to go visit her because i haven’t cause i was scared, and somehow he knew i was there and knew my mom couldnt do anything so i went back to chicago with him, sadly my mom is dead now but before she died she was a drug abuser. My brother doesnt live with me, he lives with my aunt but i really want to live with him and my cousins 
if anyone can help me my email is [Hidden for privacy]
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are in this scary and stressful situation. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have constantly be in this situation. It makes sense that you are feeling lonely, especially when you are far away from family. Sharing is not easy so I thank you for opening up to us . 
I am an abuse survivor. My divorce is stuck in a covid divorce. I cannot contact my abuser directly out of fear of my own safety. My attorney says that although we sent a marriage settlement agreement to they don’t have to respond and courts are closed. I want to be taken off my husbands health insurance. His company won’t allow me to remove my own self even if I send a notarized letter. This is another form of economic abuse. I have my own insurance but medical professionals keep defaulting to his. How can I get off his insurance given my circumstances. I can’t afford his deductible and I am having major health issues. Any thoughts?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that they will not take you off your husband’s health insurance. I cannot imagine how stressful and frustrating it must be to have to deal with this, especially when you are having major health issues.  Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. We encourage you to call our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673. They might be able to provide you with more information regarding this situation. 
My cousin on my grandpas side was dating my cousin on my grandmas side. She got a restraining order on him because he stole her truck and all sorts of things, well he got locked up back into prison since he was on parole the judge granted him bail and he bailed out about a week after. He still had the truck keys so his brother was supposed to bring them over but he ended up coming over. They argued he left I guess smoked meth and pcp came back banging on the house shut our power off it was 1am so the house is pitch black, we call 911 and tell them he’s trying to break in them within 10 mins he breaks into the house I barricade her door with a recliner and we both try to hold it shut. He breaks in with a hatched then pulls out a gun and says he will kill us then fires a shot in the ceiling. I plead for him to stop he starts walking away then just runs full force at the door breaking it all the way open holds the gun to my head and tells me to shut the F**k up or he will kill me, so I shut up then he points it at my cousin and tells her to get up and go with him or he will kill both of us. So I watch him drag her out of the house at gunpoint and I’m feeling helpless at that point.. this whole situation really did psychological damage to me I’m scared to be alone at night or outside even during the day, I don’t want to sleep because I’m afraid someone will come after me since we called the cops, I have panic attacks more than 5 times a day, I can’t go to the store without thinking I’m being followed or going to be killed.. can I get some restitution for the amount of emotional trauma he has caused me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you went through this horrifying situation. It makes sense why you are feeling scared and are having trouble sleeping. I cannot imagine how hard, stressful and overwhelming it must be to deal with everything after this event. It looks like you have some questions regarding restitution. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. If you are open, we encourage you to contact A Community for Peace at (916) 728-7210. They might be able to provide you with more information on restitution. If the crime occurred in California, you could fill out an application with the California Victims Compensation Board (CalVCB), which can help pay expenses related to a violent crime. You can access their website at victims.ca.gov or contact them regarding claims at (800) 777-9229.  
I have a dvo against my ex-boyfriend and we also have a child together he didn’t show up to court so they awarded me temporary custody and my dvo is good for a year . At Christmas I let him come see our daughter and since then he convinced me to try and work things out but now he’s threatening me again . I was just trying to find out if my dvo is still effective if I let him come over to see his daughter?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your ex-boyfriend is threatening you. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. Relationships can be tough, and it is normal to want to work things out, especially when you have a child. It looks like you have questions regarding a DVO. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, this question is outside of our scope. We encourage you to call our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673. They might be able to provide you with more information regarding your DVO.  
My ex beat me and threatened to kill me. He took my kids while we were still married and I left to work to get away from him. We got divorced, then he took me to court for full custody of my children. We are still battling court. He choked my oldest daughter, and beat my oldest son. That happened in a different state, while I was off working, so the police wont help me. I need to press charges, but I’m scared I’m too late. He has them and noone will help me because we were in a different state when the abuse happened. I have a video of him hitting me and yelling at me while he was drunk, in front of my kids. It’s been almost 4 years since I’ve held them in my arms. I hate him. What can I do? How can I fight him back in court? What do I do with the video? How do I get help!?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you have been dealing with this scary and stressful situation. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated like this and it is not your fault. It is frustrating to read that you have not been able to receive help with your situation and have been dealing with this for a long time. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. If you are currently located in Sacramento, California, we encourage you to contact the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at (916) 319-4944 for legal support. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

My fiance gets mad at things and they can be minor things like a fire alarm beeping or a sink that leaks . when this occurs he yells F%$&! God , I hate my life , he pounds his fist or he throws bottles or objects . he slapped me and pushed me a long time ago . when he starts yelling I can feel my anxiety going up a lot . the other day he was mad at his 7 son and he started kicking him . is this normal ? 

 

Additional comments: He does this a lot , has pushed me before and slapped me a year ago for no reason . he drives the car super fast when he is mad or throws the Christmas tree on the ground . 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you have been dealing with a lot from your fiancé. You and your fiancé’s son should not have to deal with that type of behavior, and it is not okay. This situation seems scary, and I can understand why your anxiety would go up during this time. We want you to know that this behavior is not normal, and it is not your fault for how your fiancé chooses to behave when they are mad. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would like to know more of what is going on so that we could provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
Hi I’m a father that wants to see my daughter but the Mother keeps threatening and putting her hands on me when I try to see her what should I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are going through a tough situation and are trying to figure out what to do. If you are comfortable, we would like to know more of what is going on so that we could provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
I called 2 times for HELP and after 20 minutes and after 10 minutes I was Disconnected is it because I am a man ??? 
I need help iam being abused and am newly 
Taking Depression Medicine and don’t know we’re to get HELP??? 
I called 2 times for HELP and after 20 minutes and after 10 minutes I was Disconnected is it because I am a man ??? 
I need help iam being abused and am newly 
Taking Depression Medicine and don’t know we’re to get HELP??? 
My long time ex boyfriend and father to my child (240lbs 42yo), managed to get a restraining order against me(110lbs 34yo) for supposedly assaulting him(I did not). I didn’t file a response. I wasn’t going to go to court because I was afraid he would harm my son to get back at me. I couldnt get help from any domestic violence organizations because he had tied them all up claiming he was the victim. He did this to gain custody of our son and told me if I showed up to court I would regret it. At court the judge wouldn’t let me defend myself, (he has since been removed from family law) and he granted my ex a perm rest. order. The next day he slashed all of my tires and cut the gas line on my vehicle. He has threatened to kill me on several occassions and has hospitalized me three times. I never reported him. I havn’t seen my 5yo son in two years and I have not gone back to court. I had to protect myself and my youngest son and find a safe place for us to go before i made any moves. I just recently learned that there are time limits to appeal and im pretty sure im out of time. I don’t want to cause my ex to believe he has a chance of losing custody because i’m afraid he will abduct or harm my son. He is very mentally unstable and very violent and doesn’t lose, ever. What should I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you have been going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine how overwhelming and scary this has all been. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. It seems like you are trying to figure out the next steps. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 
This Christmas, I worked and was rewarded with “good job sweetie”, but after getting back to holidays messages, some family, and some acquaintances, I had apparently divulged a secret by sharing something that could have been googled. I argued that it was public knowledge and I wasn’t trying to divulge one of our business secrets, and he called me a stupid whore – to which I slapped him and told him not to call me that and especially on Christmas. He continued to call me a whore and I lost it. I had a PTSD attack (I was severely emotionally and verbally abused, and other forms of abuse, but the blunt of my problems stem from verbal abuse in my youth) and went into “fight mode” and started attacking him for calling me a whore on Christmas (he promised he would never call me a whore and knows it’s a deep-seated wound from my past that triggers me, but says I broke a promise by telling one of our secrets so he feels justified, plus “freedom of speech”). He says I fractured his nose, although I see no bruising near his eyes. He almost left me today but somehow I managed to convince him to stay. I know that my hitting him was entirely WRONG, physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse. I was even willing to turn myself in and serve time in jail if necessary, but he wants me to make it up to him in other ways.Is there a way to get counseling or some kind of help anonymously? Because I know I need help but I can’t speak about this incident with any friends or family, and I really want to find a way to heal this situation. I know it doesn’t always happen but sometimes making up from a bad fight can make the bond stronger. I can only hope.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you have been dealing with a lot and are looking for resources to help with your situation. We believe that ManAlive Sacramento, Inc. might be able to provide you with service that you seek. They can be reached at 1-877-662-8465. 
What are good phrases/sample conversations to begin opening up to a friend about the abuse? I really need to tell them, but when I have a chance, what I want to say gets stuck in my chest. I can’t figure out how to even start, so I don’t. Any example sentences to start my story would be helpful  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Sharing your story can be a difficult process and it is completely normal to struggle with finding the right words. Everyone is on a different part of their journey and has their own pace and way of opening up. Though there is not a perfect way to share your story, it might be best to do it during a time and place where you feel comfortable. One way that you could open up the conversations is by saying “Hey, I wanted to share something personal with you. Would you be open to listening?” This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.  
Hi im 32 year old female from Nampa. I have a 12 year old son with autism and a daughter who is almost 2 with major sensory issues. I’m desperate at this point as police refused to take me seriously and now my ex husband is wanted for cutting his court ordered GPS ankle monitor off last week and then threatened to find me. My ex was let out of jail on pre trial release this September. He pled guilty to felony domestic battery and was awaiting sentencing. He continued to break the no contact order and would call me consistently saying he was going to Kill me and I tried to make several reports with police who turned me away multiple times. Now he is on the run because no one would listen to me. I’ve spent the past 2 months begging for any help at all with relocating to a new place for my kids and I where no one but a few people know where we are. I lost almost everything I owned the past 2 years from this relationship and I am battling mental and physical health issues especially PTSD. My kids have special needs and requirements and it’s too hard to do everything when I am always having to run or hide. My ex has damaged my car, almost everything I owned he broke or stole or destroyed with bottles of urine. 3 years of total hell and I just want my kids and I to have our life back and a safe happy place again. I have called so many places and resources and no one will help us. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m losing hope.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your post that you have been going through an extremely difficult time and are trying to figure out how to navigate through it. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to constantly be on the run or in hiding. You and your kids do not deserve that and I am sorry that you have not been able to receive help with your situation. It looks like you are currently located in Nampa, Idaho. We recommend contacting Nampa Valley Justice Center at 800-669-3176 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you are currently in Sacramento, California, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
Why does my mom have no self control when she’s angry?  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through with your mom. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you, what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24-hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My husband had been drinking, and was horny. As I was falling asleep he climbed on top of me, choked me and said he would choke me and rape me. This is escalation from his normal behavior when he’s drunk. He’s never put his hands on me like that before. Should I take it seriously?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through an incredibly difficult time right now. No one deserves to be choked. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and what your ex did to you was not normal. I cannot imagine how scary it is to be in this situation. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or do anything to you without your explicit consent. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My SO and I haven’t been together long but I’m the last month he’s been distant, and it’s asking me constantly to have sex with other men or send nudes to others, even though I’ve told him multiple times I’m not comfortable with it. He also talks about wanting to your me up in his spare room married and leave me there for a day or two to use when he wants to. I don’t know what to consider this but I know it makes me feel terrible about myself.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you experienced this with your partner. We cannot imagine how scary and uncomfortable these situations must be for you. It seems like this situation was overwhelming and it makes sense why you stated that you felt comfortable even though you were not. However, you are feeling is okay and you shouldn’t be pressured into doing anything you aren’t comfortable with. You can say no at anytime and your partner should respect that. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do including sleeping with others and sending your private photos. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. This can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I’m a bit lost and I find myself hurt, terrified, and confused. My wife spent nearl 17 years Finacially abusing me and has spent the last 14 months making me sleep on a floor while verbally and emotionally abusing me. She wants to randomly move on now but I’m making things worse because I cannot stope talking about my feelings, begging, annoying her with very serious matters. I’m not aloud to talk about the past and I’m expected not to talk to here because all I do is complain. I feel broken and I know I do not deserve all of this to include constant public humiliation. She has already longed threatened to take everything from me and kick me out on the street. She has made up lie after lie to deface my nam, take all of my money call it the family’s money while she took money from our account and has her own. 

 

I am so depressed and lonely I have never felt nor expected this I just can’t take it anymore. I ask for counseling she says he’ll no. I explain why she replies she doesn’t care and I am sick to my stomach when she uses our children as weapons against me one minute then acts like nothing happened the next. I am scared and need help. I do not know what to do  

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you are feeling this way. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety.  You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Last night in the kitchen while we were putting the groceries away I did something that my husband did not understand. When he asked me I looked at him and said, “sweetie I can’t explain that I guess I just tired and a little absent minded.” His response was to look at me hold my chin with his hand and tell me to get the F—- out of the kitchen because I am useless. I left the room crying and he told me that I was childish. What should I do? This is not the first time he has expressed himself this way, but I still don’t know how to respond. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward.  People who are abusive like this can follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.   

Hi, 
 
I’ve been in a relationship with my now husband for going on ten years. He was my first boyfriend and due to struggling financial circumstances I quickly let him move in with me, we share a bank account, an apartment, friends, etc. As the years went on, he became angrier and angrier and eventually abusive. Physically abusive and emotionally abusive, hitting me, throwing things at me, breaking things in the apartment and kicking me out. Shortly after each of these outbursts he’ll call me an hour later and ask me to forgive him and tell me he’ll change. I’ve explained to him hundreds of times that he is abusive and it’s not okay that i’m terrified of him but he just brushes it off. Recently, he’s been extremely persistent about sex but I’m at a point where i can’t even stomach faking it. However, when I say no, he just gets angry or pissy and ruins the rest of the day. I really just don’t know what to do. Thank you in advance for taking the time out of your day to read what i’m going through and I hope you’re all safe during these tough times 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward.  People who are abusive like this follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning . 

  

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.   

My dad is a verbally abusive alcoholic and my mom is an Angel. She always protects me when he starts up. Don’t get me wrong, my dad is a wonderful father when he is sober, but every night he drinks enough to completely lose it. I don’t know what to do especially now that I have left for college. It makes me sick knowing that I left my mom with him. She also can’t leave because my dad is the only one making money. I don’t mean this in an insensitive way, but we have quite a bit of money, and my dad has it stored away so that If during a divorce my mom would get nothing. I’m 18 now and it makes me feel horrible. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want my mom on the street, but I also don’t want her here.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that you have endured and how disheartening it must feel to see your mother in an abusive relationship. It can be hard to support those who are experiencing domestic violence and your frustrations are valid. It is normal to become overwhelmed and it makes sense if you need to set boundaries for your own wellbeing. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page here https://www.weaveinc.org/post/safety-planning-0 or by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.    
I was in a relationship for 4 years and It was abusive. I got beat up about 2 years ago by him and he hit me in my ear and I still haven’t been able to hear out of it. Can I still report this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report, you would want to reach out to the Law Enforcement agency where the crime occurred. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My ex boyfriend punched me in the face and smashed my head against the wall. He was arrested and I am pressing charges. His ex girlfriend also messaged me letting me know what he has done to her too. I’m terrified to relive this whole experience over and over again in court. I don’t want to see him. Why must I relive this for a whole year (until it goes to trial)? How have others coped with this? His ex didn’t continue to press charges because of this long process.  Thank you for reaching out to us at WEAVE. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. The fear you are experiencing over having to relieve that situation in court is very normal. During times like these it’s important to surround yourself with supportive friends and family, maybe even reach out to a therapist as well. If you don’t already have one and you’re in the Sacramento area, we have counseling services here at WEAVE that you can access via our Support Line at 916-920-2952. Just remember you don’t have to go through this alone, and we are always here to help and support however we can.  
Hello, 
 
I’ve been in a toxic marriage for 11 years now. We have a child together. For the last 8 years I’ve been trying to figure out which of us started the abuse so that if it’s me I can make changes. I’ve read books and gone to therapy in hopes of it helping us. 
In the last two years I feel myself totally checked out in every way. I’m bitter and resentful and so tired of the fighting and have started to push back to keep my husband from yelling through the evening and waking up our son. I will do anything to keep him emotionally safe. For me that has often looked like completely ignoring my SO and trying to be incredibly neutral. 
This has led to him more recently calling me a psychopath incapable of love and empathy, a narcissist, cold, bitter, abusive- you get the idea. 
Often times I’ve started to question it myself. But my emotional distance and shut down feels like the only way to stay safe. Am I just making excuses for my own bad behavior? Has anyone else felt this way? 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you are very self-aware of the situation, which is a good sign because it shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your part if there is any, and move towards progress. Have you considered going to counseling? Whether it is individual counseling or couple’s counseling it can be beneficial to process what you are going through to get a better grasp of how to proceed with the relationship. Here at WEAVE we do not offer couple counseling but we do offer individual counseling, so if you are interested or would like to know more please reach out to us at 916-920-2952 to get more information. For couple’s counseling there is Anew Day and you can call to inquire about their services at 530-470-9111. You are doing the best that you can given the circumstances, and I applaud you for putting the emotional well-being of your son first, but don’t forget to work on your emotional well-being too.  
Can someone help me? I need money to get to Utah. I’m planning to leave my abusive husband of 30 years? I don’t have any friends or a job and he never lets me have money. Can someone please help?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I’m so sorry that you are experiencing abuse at the hands of your husband, deciding to leave is a big decision and I can only imagine what you went through to come to this decision. It sounds to me like you are needing resources and we would love to help! Please reach out to us on our Support Line to get connected with an advocate that can safety plan and provide resources for this kind of situation. Decisions like this take time to plan so I suggest getting connected as soon as possible. Hope this helps!  
I started dating this guy in January ,things were cool until one day we were drinking and he randomly got upset and pushed me down really hard , this was the first incident of abuse however I didn’t take note of it because we were still in the beginning stages and he continued to blame it on the alcohol since he typically doesn’t drink . However as months progress ,abuse became more and more prevalent. There were times he threaten to Kill me , he’s strangled me , beat me etc Since the pandemic this person has had to stay with me & ive called the police three or more and he’s gotten locked up twice and let out on signature bonds in the matter of hours . The last incident of abuse were a few months back. Since so many months had went but I thought things were finally starting to change . Today a minor argument , turned into something huge , to the point where he punched and hit me with a pistol numerous of times . Police have came but do to past experiences, I know he won’t be in there long . I don’t know what to do , how to feel , or how to move going forward . 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, what you are going through sounds really scary and confusing and I don’t blame you for not knowing how to move forward. People who are abusive like this follow a cycle of abuse where there is an incident and it is followed by a “honeymoon” phase where everything is calm and good. I would suggest calling our support line at 916-920-2952 so an advocate can walk you through some safety planning and options you have available. We also have safety planning PDFs on our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/safety-planning  

 

 In the meantime please stay safe and if possible keep some distance between you both to avoid confrontations until there is some safety planning done with an advocate.  

My boyfriend stepped behind my vehicle as I was trying to leave after he had forcefully tried to take.my phone away from me. He tore the rear windshield wiper off. I gently backed up to nudge him out of the way enough so that I could turn out of the driveway. I had to drive partly through my neighbor’s yard to drive off since he wouldn’t move out of the way. Now boyfriend says I assaulted him with my vehicle when I gently edged my car backwards towards him. He says I used my car as a weapon. Will a court of law side with him?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support or our legal team at (916)319-4944. 
Me and my boyfriend have a one month old son together. During the pregnancy our relationship was always on and off. We got physical with each other a lot. Then it stopped. for months. Now our baby is here and today I confronted him about some messages he had on his phone with another girl, for questioning him he slapped me. I lose control and I start yelling at him, I go to our closet and I start throwing all of my clothes off their hangers. When I do this, he pushes me against the wall and as a reaction I bite his arm. When I bit his arm he started throwing punches to my face left and right. He broke my lip and my entire jaw hurts to the point where I can’t bite down. He had broken my phone weeks prior So the only thing I had to contact someone for help was my laptop. I go to message my brother to please pick me up but he turns off the wifi so the message wouldn’t send. I try to leave the house and he blocked the door. He did not want to let me out at all. He said if I called the cops on him they would arrest me too for the bite mark he has and they will take away our son. Later he apologized and said he blacked out when he threw the punches. and that he’ll never touch me again and to please go back home with him. my family knows now they don’t want me to ever get back with him but there’s still a piece of me that has hope  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I can’t talk to my family or friends about this because they will most definitely hurt him. So here it goes. 
I’ve been with my now fiancé for 7 and a half years. I suffer from EXTREME social anxiety and depression, as well as diagnosed PTSD. He knows this and he is very supportive of me. Until he drinks. My fiancé is an alcoholic and sometimes his drinking turns to anger and that anger is taken out on me. 3 years ago he put a cigarette out on my stomach and tried to choke me, held my nose and mouth shut while he pinned me down, and gave me a black eye. I forgave him. 2 years ago he got very drunk while driving so I told him I wanted to get out, i would call someone to give me a ride home. He took that as me going to cheat on him. He sped up, ran red lights, ran stop signs, cut people off, we almost wrecked more times than I can count. he locked my door and held my arm so tight to where I had bruises. I managed to dial 911 with my free hand without him knowing. I didnt say anything on the phone directly, I held it by the seat and kept mentioning where we were, hoping the police could get the hint. Luckily, they did.

he uses my past trauma against me and has even told me I deserved it. Just last night he called me a “stupid fucking piece of shit bitch” (slurred of course) because I asked him if he would slow down drinking. It led to an argument that lasted for 3 hours. I talked calmly and never raised my voice, I cried and begged him to stop but it only made him more angry. its like he was looking for a reason to be mad at me. and it made it worse when he couldn’t find a reason. this morning he woke up and acted like nothing happened. and I forgave him.

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

My husband of three months has threatened to move out with his 20 year old son because I “bitch” all the time about his son living at our house for free and smoking weed all day. He puts his son first because he feels guilty about his divorce. But why is he not putting me first? 

 

Please help me. Does this mean he really does not love me anymore? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that couples counseling may be the more appropriate for your needs. We suggest reaching out to ANEW Day at 

(530) 470-9111 http://www.anew-day.com/ or Cross Creek Family Counseling (916) 722-6100  

www.crosscreekcounseling.com for support. 

 

I made the dicission 2 leave after 18 yrs. W help from advocate of 5 yrs a hotline call & circumstances gathered my stuff left the love of my life called the # TRIED MANY TIMES TO explain who I was why I’m calling and sobbing I was not only not helped I was shamed & when I asked 4 assistance with another recourse or# ,or advice I was told again i was too emotional the judged me ” not within their job description. basically not even dial 911, this was a hotline  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve experienced. I am so sorry this is happened. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I’m in a really emotionally abusive relationship. I want to get away but every time I try he threatens to get involved in my custody case with my exhusband. He’s Jewish and I recently told him I’m getting my faith back in Christ and he told me I was mentally sick and going to tell people that I’m on drugs and my kids are in danger. I have court in 5 months for my custody case. I broke up with him before 4 months ago and in the time we were broken up he contacted someone my exhusband new and said he had concerns over my drinking and parenting with the kids to try and hurt me. I got back with him before I found this out. He recently texted all the threats about him needing to “protect” my kids again from me. When I told him that is extremely wrong and he would be hurting my kids he said, “the world is a scary place” I think he had a low IQ and is extremely selfish. I don’t know what to do. My temporary hearing for my boys is next Wednesday with the permanent hearing 5 months after that

How do so get away from this man without him endangering me winning this case and protecting my children? My exhusband is not a present father. They cry every time I drop them off at his house because only the nanny is there.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support or our legal team at (916)319-4944. 
I’m in CA & going through a divorce with my ex who has been physically & emotionally abusive. He’s been out of the house for a year, but is telling his lawyer he wants to come back to the house for an hour and look around. I’m not ok with this. She said he wanted to get his things, now he’s saying it’s not about his things it’s about looking around. How can I legally protect myself?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944.   
My husband suffers from depression, anxiety and ADHD, as well as insecurity issues. He is prescribed adderall for his ADHD and has found that when he takes more than his prescribed dose he “doesn’t feel as insecure and depressed anymore.” He abuses his medication as a way of self- medicating for his other emotional deficits. 
 
I am also prescribed adderall, but take it for chronic fatigue syndrome. Over the past four years of marriage, my husband has habitually taken medication from me after going though his prescription far sooner than the refill dates. As a result, I am regularly under medicated leaving me constantly exhausted and stressed due to being the primary provider in the home. My health has suffered significantly and effects my productivity at work. 
 
Is this considered a form of abuse? If so, is this grounds for divorce? 
 
(I have tried many different “hiding places” – including a safe that he broke into anyways – to store my medication) 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
my mum hits my brother what should i do  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Hi, I have been with a man for just a short ime now, when I met him, he was almost too good to be true, I had told him about my past relationship of 15 yrs with a very abusive man and how it affected me so much. It started out with little comments here and there and I noticed some jealous behavior but I just kind of put it in the back of my mind, well one night we were just sitting in the living room and he says something just completely out of left field it really threw me for a loop, then he asks me a question that I literally have no explanation for and then when I guess I wasnt saying what he wanted to hear he then punches me in my mouth and head, at this point Im beyond terrified, he had grabbed my phone so I couldnt call for help, then after him yelling for what seemed like forever things calmed a bit and he tells me to drive him home, when I get into the car he goes into a frenzy again and chokes me punches me in the head a few more times and keeps repeatedly asking me who have I been seeing besides him and to tell the truth, if I tell the truth he will stop but if I dont its going to get way worse. I have been in this type of situation before and it never ends well, I keep fighting back at him and Im yelling and honking the car horn, well apparently someone heard all of this and had called 911, God bless the soul of the one that did bc when the cops arrived he had me face down on the back car seat choking me from behind and I couldnt breathe and things were starting to go black, I didnt even realize the police were there until he released my neck and things started going back into focus. Long story short, he ran from the police that night and got away, they still havent found him and that was 2 weeks ago, I live in fear every day that he will just pop up out of the blue. What can I do to get some peace of mind?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted.  It must be exhausting for you to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you are worried. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. to help you stay safe, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is it possible to fix a really bad domestic violence situation between a man and women’s relationship.i truthfully am not sure what level the situation im in might b concidered. Is it posdoble to have emotional and mental breakdown and not really b aware have and caused by abuse.. if all kinds n severe injuries inflicted? Thank you 

Im not sure as far as arxuak abuse goes. Not educated enough toknow. Im thinking probably sexuality abused in domestic situation too. But not sure. Ty 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

What should I do? I’m home recovering from Emergency Open Heart Surgery. I’m a Senior male and my older brother that lives with me) He physically attacked me this afternoon about 1:00Pm in a rage of anger. I suffered a bloody ear (expected I’m on blood thinners) and couple three facial scratches, some bruising. He didn’t hit me but had his hands about my head and ears jerking my head around while I was on the steps. Since I’m recovering from two surgeries the open heart and one surgery from last weekend it’s been a rough time here. (I will try to hide this event today from my wife). Tonight I feel some chest pain, it’s mild but is noticeable. I’m wishing tonight I had died during the surgery this so ridiculous. 

I know he’s worried about the outcome of the election he watches it daily, he’s worried about his Soc Sec and the democrats are going to steal it. He’s worried about the stock market and the economy and he’s aggravated about the whole pandemic scene what the new restrictions are bringing. I will NOT report this, I don’t want him in trouble for anything. I don’t even charge him for living here but he does buy his own food and personal needs. He told me during the verbal argument, Quote: “You are not the same person anymore, I don’t know who the “hell” you are anymore!” “But since your surgery this all has been building up!”

Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. A Community for Peace is a center that offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.   
Neighbor called cops when husband and I were arguing there was some sucking, but we were fine. He went to blow of steam while I got ready to go to a function. He got arrested and now he can’t come home unroll court date. I need my husband. Kids need their father we share a car. Is there any way to change that?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 for legal support. 
My 30 year old daughter was dating a man that was mentally abusive. She asked me my opinion of him and I told her the truth of my thoughts. She got angry at me. Two months later he overdosed at her house and died. That was a year and a half ago. She’s no longer talking to me, has made him into a saint and talks to everyone else about me. 
I feel like the more I chase her the farther away she gets. She is living with her father and her father‘s girlfriend recently moved in which has made it worse; now she won’t respond to texts or phone calls. She lives in another state. Can I ever mend this relationship or should I just move on with my life? 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. This is a hard question to consider, but we must remember that sometimes even relationships with our children and parents can have its ups and downs just as much as with any relationship. That does not mean the relationship is broken forever. Perhaps your daughter just needs space to process everything that she went through with that situation (it sounds traumatic on its own). It is possible to mend relationships but both parties have to be ready for that. She might not be ready and that’s ok. Everyone is allowed space to process what happened to them, maybe you should consider giving her space and let her come to you when she is ready. In the meantime take comfort in knowing you did what you could on your end.
My partner and I co own a house and it got bad were my partner left . Hasn’t been back in four days this isn’t the first time v is happened . I am afraid .I had. Serious bed ridden injury that lasted 7 wks . During that time my half of the paperwork for the house is gone . How do I protect myself and my house . My partner has threatened to take my half what do I do 
Thanks for you time 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944.  

I don’t want a reply of: “You don’t deserve that”, “You shouldn’t be treated like that”, or”You should leave” etc. All of the obvious things you’d hear upon telling someone what’s going on or what’s previously happened. I am in a marriage in which i am infrequently (once every 6-8 months) physically taunted/abused whatever you’d like to call it. My husband does not control or restrict my daily schedule or who i see, I have unlimited access to all of our money, I could go back to work if I wanted to but don’t have to work. He makes me a snack at 11pm at night after working hard all day, he’s a great & patient father to our children, he stands up for me, if i ask him to do something/anything he does it. However, he infrequently becomes very scary and has hit me, spit on me, spanked me, smacked me… sacred the living shit out of me. I have ran from him. I do not fight back or it will get worse. etc. He has put me down emotionally (obviously)

I guess my question is…. How do I move forward to a positive manner trying to salvage my emotions because I do want to stay married? How to do navigate through the trauma’s so i can enjoy life?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

6 years ago I moved my boyfriend onto my boat. He had the engine hatches open saying he was working on something. since he was sitting on the couch and doing nothing I tried to close the hatch and he yelled at me and told me to leave it that he would do it. I said okay and went out for a few hours. When I came back I random stairs fell into the enclosed hatch and ruined my life. I went to the gym twice a day and had a job. Now I can barely make it to the bathroom. He still lives here and daily he calls me a stupid effing seaward every time I ask him for a glass of water. The hot water heater went out 5 years ago and he has left me laying here filthy and dirty and unable to take a shower. I don’t know what to do. 

 

He has never hit me, yet. But last night he got half an inch from my face with his fist balled up because I asked him not to walk my dog after he drank a pint of 100 proof schnapps. I’m terrified.  

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone 
My brother is 27, I am 29. We still live at home with my parents. He hits me and verbally abuses me, verbally assaults me, and tells me mom to pull a knife out on me when she is arguing with me. He manipulates her and my father. They won’t call the police on him, nor kick him out of the home. If I call the police on him they will no longer speak to me. I’m not sure what to do. If I leave the home, he will make sure my parents write the deed to the house in his name, even though he’s never had a job and me and my 3 sisters pay their bills and now the house is paid off. I go to work trying to cover my eye bruises and he fractured my arm two years ago because he pushed me after my water spilled on the tile floor. My mom until this day says pushing is not abuse. Please help me. Run away and call the police and watch my parents bail him out and he go right back in the home with a little slap on the wrist OR shut up and stick it out for the home? My oldest sister won’t leave the home because of this and I don’t want to leave her there. My other sister moved out of state.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your brother. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Can repeated name-calling be considered abuse if it impacts the victim’s daily life?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.   
My ex and i dated for more than 3 years, for the first year and half he was supper nice, quiet, whatever i said he said yes, he just was perfect. we spent day and night together, we never got tired of eachother, i felt so comfortable with him. after a year and half he started hitting me, block me and unblock me constantly, he hit me a lot, i cried a lot and he said that’s the only thing i know to do. i finally called the cop one day and he went to jail. after jail he came back and said he wants to marry me, but after 3 weeks things got worser, he yelled at me a lot, abused me emotionally, kept blaming me, … always i went to bagged him to unblock me to talk to me, to just communicate with me, so again i sent him to jail. after that he came back to me again after two and half months, he said he loves me, he got punished, but right after i accepted him, he ruined my life, he choked my neck a lot, he hit me, he blamed me, he blocked me every week and unblocked me, told me to ignore him and leave him alone, …. so he broke up with me on the anniversary of his first jail time, he came to my home and talked infront of my parents instead of just simply talk to me. after that day he blocked me . i just dont understand why he came back to hurt me? i sue him the third time too he just didn’t go to jail because i reported him late. but still he hurt me, i accepted him back after all i went through because i love him a lot, but u think he will ever gonna go back to me? will he gonna ever talk to me and tell me why he left me and made my heart broke?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you had to go through this experience and cannot imagine how uncomfortable and scary that must have been during those scary times.  Your feelings about the situation are normal and valid but sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the cycles that will continue to repeat if we don’t stop them. Your ex was probably seeing how this cycle would continue to play out and wanted to take some space from that, we have to respect people’s decisions and boundaries as well. Maybe with time you will have your answer to those questions but in the meantime take care of yourself and do things for you :)
My boyfriend treats me so well most of the time. But when he drinks he throws me around by my hair and constantly shoves a loaded gun im my face. He keeps promising he will not drink anymore but I happened again tonight. Im so confused and sad.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted and threatened with weapons. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you are feeling this way. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety.  You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  
I was violently assualted and in a DV relationship with someone I loved before he became violent with me. He is now serving time in prison for the violent assault. The state charged him. I did not press charges against him. I fear that when he gets out I will want to re-establish a relationship with him for fear it will actually keep me safe. I have mixed emotions about him. I have not had any contact with him since the event. During his sentencing, he declared his love for me. He gets out in January. I do not know what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can tell from your message that you are going through an extremely difficult time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. Your concerns are valid and it can be hard to navigate with different emotions. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to re-establish your relationship. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Hi. I stupidly signed a lease with a new boyfriend. I paid for move in costs, deposit and I even had to pay his past due electric bill in order to get my service transferred to the new place because he was on the lease. (I lived alone prior). After the 1st week of us living together he would pick arguments with me and he even threw a tv remote at me which hit me on the eyebrow and cut it open. 3 weeks after living together, he was in another bad mood. He didn’t want to go out to dinner so I went alone. When I got back home, he started throwing things at me. Change that was on the counter, a lighter that struck my face under my eye and something bigger and heavier that I blocked with my hand. I was yelling at him to stop. And to leave! He called the cops and I went to jail.

 

 It took 18 months for my attorney to get this to a simple assault (which reads as didn’t touch anyone but someone felt threatened). I stand by my innocence

It has been over 3 years. This guy for this entire time sends me text messages. Love notes. I miss u. I love u. I have blocked him on social media, email and even his phone number but he got a new number. This guy owes me so much money even prior to this going down. 
What is your advise? My attorney said if he isn’t sending threatening texts there is nothing I can do about it 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through a rough time. I cannot imagine how scary, exhausting and frustrating it must be to have to deal with that type of behavior. You do not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 
What do I do? 6 years of the worst emotinal and financial abuse you could imagine. He has taken everything from me and I have hit the bottom. I have nobody and nowhere to turn. I can’t work, I can’t think, I can’t function and it’s been so awful I have no words. I know all about narcissistic sociopaths because I have studied it for years. I am financially stuck and been homeless, spent all my inheritance on supporting myself and my cars broke down and won’t help me. I can’t stake much more. I can’t get a lawyer. He makes plenty of money. How can I help myself. Everywhere I turn I hit walls! Help  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how hard this can be. You did not deserve to be treated this way. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
What would make a woman stay in a bad domestic violence relationship and keep going back and back and back when she’s getting the same results every time  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you or someone around you are going through a difficult time. Looking back on a situation we can wonder whether we deserved to be treated a certain way or if we did anything to cause our treatment. These thoughts are normal, but we need to understand that choosing to hit or verbally assault somebody is a choice. You are never responsible for the actions of other people, including your partner, and you did not do anything wrong to be treated that way. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

What should I do ? What can I do? 
 
My live in boyfriend has started becoming more and more physically aggressive towards me … again. 
 
A year ago, he beat me up and crashed the car we were driving into a tree, ending our relationship and sending him to jail for 6 months. 
 
After getting released he came to find me , apologized, and I didn’t take him back at first, but after a lot of talking , I decided I loved him , maybe it was the drugs, etc ect lots of factors right , 
 
Fast forward to now a year later , and he’s begun displaying violent actions toward me, and I don’t know what to do. I could call the police, and put him in jail for another 3 years but , I REALLY don’t want to do that. The first time was hard enough. 
 
But now, I don’t know what to do. Everytime I try to break up with him, we end up back together. My suspicion is that he doesn’t want to leave because he doesn’t have anywhere other than his parents house to go, so he’s trying to make the relationship work until he can figure something out and then leave me.

I know the answer is leave him. But what if.. he won’t leave ! Now what ! And more importantly. What do I do? I feel lost and alone. And defenseless. And alone. 
 
I also fear that if we do break up he’s just going to tell everyone that I’m a b*tch or a liar and make up a bunch of stuff to everyone to discredit me because he says I ruined his life by sending him to jail that first time . 
Ah. 
Sorry if it’s too long. I just .. yeah. Thanks for anyone who response

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  
Is it normal for woman to freak out when she sees her previous abuser on her stuff I’m talking about myself 

Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how hard this can be. Seeing your abuser can be scary and triggering. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we would love to provide you with more in depth support If you are comfortable on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 

   However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

i have been hit, strangled, locked out of the house, dragged and been mentally abused and more by my boyfriend. We were heroin addicts at the time which is no reason to abuse someone, but I think contributed to his erratic behavior. He was seriously evil back then but for some reason I stayed. It has been atleast 2 years since ive been physically abused. We are both sober and have a baby daughter now. He is so loving to our daughter and is really a good dad but I still worry. He still gets upset sometimes out of no where but it is no where near as horrible as before. I just wonder if he has actually changed and learned to handle his emotions in a healthy way. I worry one day it will begin again and me and my daughter will be harmed and I will never forgive myself. I really dont think hes capable of hurting our daughter but crazy things happen. But basically is it possible he has seen the error of his ways and will never abuse me again?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting it must be to have to stay with your abuser, especially when you are concerned for the safety of your child. You do not deserve to be abused and you did not do anything wrong. What you are going through is a lot deal with and it makes sense that you want to leave. Though being in an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of your child and yourself. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. Whatever you decided, remember that you are not alone. 

How can I unravel 5 years of mental and physical abuse from my narcissistic sons father so I can be okay mentally 

 

Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how hard this can be. You did not deserve to be physically assaulted. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is bum rushing me and then chest bumping me an example of physical assault? I have dealt with years of mental abuse, but not he is escalating to this. He is in federal law enforcement, so he is well known in this tactic. Can I charge him with this? 

 

 

Can I accuse him of it a while after it happened if it is assault? I was not aware that that is abuse.  

Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how scary and painful it must have been. You did not deserve to be physically assaulted. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the law enforcement agency where the assault occurred to find out your options. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I was in a domestic situation a week ago and recieved a emergency restraining order from the police that is up on the 6th (today) I went tothe courts and obtained a restraining order and asked that the sheriff department serve him at his home. come to find out, he was moving his things out and sheriff will not be able to serve the order til monday. I am afraid he will not be served in time of the court date and I am not protected. Also, I currently do not have family or friends willing to serve him because he is very violent and they are scared. I bleieve I filed for an emergency order on top of one that will last a year (not sure) Im very confused, frustrated frightened that whole nine because I know that he is upset about being sent to jail and has had previous situations… I know that if he doesnt respect the courts previously he will not care about me at this point… Im really hoping he does not do anything while hes out on bail. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions or provide legal advice on our message board. We recommend contacting the Family Justice Center at (916) 875-4673 or our legal team at 916-319-4944. 

 

If a woman (my friend) has been severely physically abused 4 years ago by strangulation amd her husband arrested for it should ahe stay with him. To this day he verbally abuses her even in front of their small children.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your friend is going through a difficult time. It can be hard to know how to support those who are experiencing domestic violence but you are so amazing for being there to support her. This is a hard situation for all involved including yourself and we would like to help. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial for you both to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you and your friend more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   

My huaband often discredits me to other people as “a joke”. He told me today about doing it again today. i called him on his ass for it this time. here’s the scenario: 
Yesterday, I had an eye exam. I have not bought new eyeglasses (I need them to actually see) for about 5 years. It was time. So in picking out frames, I saw an attractive comfortable inexpensive frame. And i like how it looked on me. My husband saw one that he also liked. It was designer and yes, I like them as well but I didn’t want to pay the designer price in the frame since I usually sink the majority of my eyeglass expense on the lens. (i also wear contact lenses but I’m in a quest to drastically reduce that usage) 
My husband persuaded me to purchase the designer frame (I really did like them) and he paid for it (we both work, are both good with our money and financially able to make these kinds of purchases). 
 
Well, he called me from a break at his job today to tell me he was telling two female coworkers how I made him spend $1000 on a designer frame (it was actually hundreds and hundreds less than that and I mean HUNDREDS LESS + I got a 40%, discount).

I never even intended to talk about an eyeglass purchase to ANYONE, let alone MY coworker. And if i ever mention my husband AT ALL, i always mention him in a good light. But lateley he’s taken to discrediting me. So now, if i ever meet these two coworkers for whatever reason, they already have a bad image if me and an image of him as the suffering husband.. i swear to God that is enough to make me divorce him. am i making too much of it? i just think that’s a slippery slope 

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
My husband of 30 years was caught interacting with “barley legal teen”, I want to believe nothing ‘more’ had transpired, we have a couples counselor appointment set. But the argument that ensued brought my husband to getting out his gun (again) and threatening to kill himself if I leave. I was able to calm him down, and now he keeps talking about having a family, (our children are grown and we have one grandchild) and is trying to get me pregnant, he knows I don’t want to raise children again and is getting more aggressive with his ways. I see this spiraling out of control. What steps should I take? 
30 years! My husband is like a helicopter and I have minimal contact with family several states away, I feel fallowed by his family members if I even just go for a walk. 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

I’m not sure if I’m in an verbally, emotionally or abusive relationship. Could you help me figure that and maybe what I should do? 

 

 

 

My boyfriend of 6 years gets really upset anytime there is a slight inconvenience. We could have the smallest argument and it’s all my fault. Yesterday he was yelling in my face, spit at me, threw my stuff out the window, shoved me. He’s never physically hit me but he pretends like he’s going to. He says I make him so mad and that he just needs to stop caring and worry about what I’m doing to not make him upset. I always try asking what’s wrong but he never talks so I eventually stop asking and when I stay quiet it makes things worse. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to treat you this way. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
When my husband and I argue he pins me down, covers my mouth and sometimes my nose and screams in my ear and he won’t stop. 
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t like engaging in any kind of conversation with him because I don’t want to make him mad and cause an argument. All of our arguments result in him pinning me down and covering my house so I can’t argue back or call for help. Is this domestic violence? What do I do? 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to put their hands on you. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is my husband abusive? 

 

 

When he gets mad, everything is my fault. If I disagree or tell him he’s wrong about anything, I’m being a b*tch or pushing his buttons. Last time we fought he told me I was gonna push him and make him do something to me he couldn’t take back. 
Then when I said he was suggesting that he was going to beat me or hurt me, he said that I was making sh*t up he never said that or insinuated that. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been experiencing. No one has a right to threaten to put their hands on you. I am so sorry this is happening. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My boyfriends mom is beating on him in fighting with him.. She won’t leave him alone, I’m worried about him. She keeps outing him out.. I want to help him but don’t know how.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your boyfriend are going through this experience. I cannot imagine how upsetting and frustrating this must be. No one deserves to be treated this way and you are valid in feeling worried.  Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” at (916) 728-7210 to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation and get support for family violence. 

My verbally and emotionally abusive ex boyfriend of 6 years called me earlier this month to tell me that he was getting married. We split in June, he got with his girl in August, now in October he tells me they’re getting married. He told me that it could have been us getting married, it could have been me with a ring on my finger. He constantly berates me for not moving on, he talks poorly about the new partner I’m with and tried fighting him when he tried to get my things back for me because I didn’t want to see him. He and his girlfriend would talk horribly to me and about me as well as my partner, and now they want to be friends with me. I don’t understand and I feel like I am going crazy. 
 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your past relationship and its normal to feel overwhelmed. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
Is it normal to be in a relationship when your significant other hits you when I make them upset? Also, is it normal for your significant other to leave you in the middle of the night without telling you where they went? Lastly, is normal to not trust my significant other after they lied and cheated on me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear that your boyfriend has hit you. It is not normal and it is never okay to hit anyone. I cannot imagine how scary and painful that must have been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone.  
My daughter’s boyfriend has been on drugs off and on for a long time. I have not been able to spend much time with her or talk with her in the past months even though she lives 250 steps away. I have been terrified something wax wrong. Friday after text messages between my daughter and myself trying to get together for her birthday I asked her to call and I could hear him in the background yelling and screaming at her. I left work and went right over to find him super high yelling at her. I told him to leave and he argued with everything and kept saying we are all against him. I tried to help him get a moving company or a uhaul to take his pile if shit he probably stole out as he was saying he wanted to leave. He kept telling her it was all her fault and that she was acting like the victim. I finally called the cops he ran out the door and she was a crumpled mess begging me not to call them cause he had hit her choked her broke her glasses on her face and told her if she told anyone or called the cops he would murder her and me and her dog. I am hiding her right now as he knows everywhere she goes and has been watching her with cameras in the house. Am I right to hide her and try to find her someplace else to live. I know he will kill her.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that you have endured and how disheartening it must feel to see your daughter go through this. It can be hard to support those who are experiencing domestic violence but you are so amazing for being there to support her. You finding her a safe place to say is very admirable. This is a hard situation for all involved including yourself and we would like to help. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.    
We were laying down in the dark, I was talking about something he didn’t wanna hear, or something I repeated while we were arguing. He then put his hand over my mouth with a lot of pressure/force. Everytime I would try to take his hand off, he wouldn’t budge and then started to dig his thumb and fingers into my jaw area. He kept doing it when he thought I wasn’t listening to him and while he was doing that he would proceed to say “Shut the fuck up” repeatedly close to my face. Is this physical abuse? I’m just confused and not sure what it is.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you were in a stressful situation. No one has a right to put their hands on you. I am so sorry you experienced this. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I have been married 17 years and when it’s good it’s so good and he’s amazing but then he’s cruel, emotional and verbally abusive . I ride on a tidal of his emotions from weeks , to days and some times months. It’s confusing and I’m emotionally drained. I don’t even know what to do anymore. When he is abusive he gaslights , and he uses “sarcasm” as a way to be cruel. 
( He has been physically violent once) . Then he is kind and I question if it’s abuse or maybe he’s got a personality disorder?? I have friends who say it’s not abuse and even a therapist who says he’s borderline abusive? My question is has anyone gone through this? 
Hi, thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear about the way you are being treated. You do not deserve to be treated this way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Abusers often use tactics such as emotional abuse as a way to gain power and control over another intimate partner. Emotional abuse can be things such as putdowns/insults, excessive criticism, blaming, manipulation, and gaslighting. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you and get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you additional support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
Ive been seeing this guy a month. Seems like I’m now seeing red flags. He said he wants me to as he says. ( I laughed thinking he was joking) I was brushing my teeth and he randomly cane over and grabbed my throat. ( Gentley, but alarming) He started calling me anonymous, even though I know it’s him. He asked me if I missed him, and I joked Idk. He got mad, and said I was saying dumb stuff and, i needed to learn who I was talking to. The relationship is starting to confuse and stress me out.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. No one deserves to be physically or verbally assaulted in a relationship. I cannot imagine how tiring and stressful it must be to have to constantly live in this type of environment. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My daughter’s boy friend pushed her out of a moving vehicle and she went to the emergency room. Is there anything we can do? Like file a police report? We are her parents asking and my daughter is 23 years old. Thank you.   Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been for your daughter to go through that. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
I was a victim of domestic violence for 12 years mental sexual and physical. My new husband knows I have severe PTSD But when he gets angry with me he does stuff purposely to trigger it like poking me over and over again until I get so angry or scard that I fight back And do something like pull his hair and then claims that I am abusing him. I know doing those things are wrong but I can’t help it. I don’t mean to pull his hair. I don’t want to be an abuser. what do I do when he won’t let up or traps me in a room? Is this common behavior for someone like me? My heart is broken knowing that I’ve done this. But at the same time I feel like I’m defending myself.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
My husband of 1 year from arranged marriage has never hit me(and he can’t because I am very independent and he knows I will leave him immediately if this happens) but when we fight, he throws things, breaks things and after fights to say sorry, he never actually says sorry instead starts tickling me and when I try to stop him, twists my arms and tickling gets aggressive(and he has serious face while tickling) and he wont stop until I start crying and then he again feels guilty when I start crying but this has happened uncountable times.I am not sure if this kind of tickling is considered as an abuse or he is just a bit weird.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. No one deserves to be touched without their consent. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you would like additional support or information, we would be more than happy to talk with you on our 24/7 anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952. 
What are the requirements to get into weave is the any availability for immediate stay i have no friends or family that can help im lost with no way out  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 for more information on our Residential program. 
Me and my boyfriend got into an argument in his truck, I decided I was going to walk away from the situation. I got off and as soon as I did he started yelling at me, he honked his horn, he called me many names and threatened to get off and physically get me back into the truck. I refused to get back in, he got so angry and punched the center console very hard. After about a minute or so of me refusing to get back into the truck he grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the truck. Is this abuse? I’m only 18 and he’s 21 we’ve been together for 2 years, this is my first and real relationship I’ve ever been in.  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how scary and painful it must have been. You did not deserve to be grabbed or shoved and you are not responsible for you boyfriend’s behavior. What happened was not your fault and you do not deserve to be called names. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
So I never really got along with my brother and I’ll admit for a good part of our lives I treated him like shit which I’m not proud of and felt bad about myself afterwards. For the past 3 years I’ve been trying to do everything in my power to be a better sister and I constantly apologize for the things I did when we were younger. But my brother thinks it’s ok to choke me, body shame me, hold things over my head that I told him confidentially, hit me upside the head, punch me in numerous places, make me feel bad about myself, verbally assault me every chance he gets, and take all of his aggression and anger punt on me even if I wasn’t the reason behind it. I’ll admit that I have put my hands on him once but it was because he was harassing me and that’s a mistake I try not to make again because violence isn’t ever the answer. According to my brother the reason he does these things to me is because my voice, face, and over all presence make him want to “beat the shit out of me” and he uses the excuse I treated him badly for 5 years (which I’m not nor ever will be proud of and will always apologize for it). So I just take whatever he does to me and I don’t fight back because I think I deserve it for how I used to treat him. But my question is, do I deserve it any of this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your brother. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. It seems like you have both had a rocky relationship over the years. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I believe my daughter to be in a n abusive relationship however she does not see it or have the mental strength to make the hard decision to leave. She is dating my friends son. He has punched holes in the wall, broken furniture, broken doors, punched her car window while she was in the car, and calls her names such as retarded or special needs. These are only a few examples. My question is if it is my daughter’s fault if she gets punched around (so far not hit as far as I know) but pushed to where she has fallen and been hurt. My friend thinks it is my daughter’s fault because she is “mouthy”. I do not think it is ever okay to put your hands on someone regardless of what they are saying. Is this abuse and is it my daughter’s fault?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Managing an abusive relationship is difficult and scary and it is no way your daughters’ fault for the abuse that has occurred. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We can also offer more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 
I’m struggling to know how to move forward and what to do while I wait for my divorce. I’m leaving my husband after years of emotional abuse, and as I left he showed signs of borderline or narcissism or something. After he moved out, he showed up at my house After I filed and said he was moving back in whether I wanted him to or not. Then he insisted later during mediation that it wasn’t domestic violence. I left in fear and gave them the house, and now I’m living in an apartment with a friend, paying for his life because he doesn’t work and I don’t have enough money left over to take much care of myself. I’m struggling emotionally, I’m trying to do positive self work to get through this, but the days seem so long. I’m working from home and my young child really struggles with not being able to have my attention while I’m working. I can’t afford childcare. I need kind words to help me understand how I’m gonna get through this. Our hearing is set for the end of November, but he wants to mediate. Even though mediation was already tried and failed miserably. I’m almost out of my retainer for my lawyer. I’m feeling hopeless and helpless, like I’m never going to be able to get away from him.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. We are sorry to read that you are currently in a tough situation. I cannot imagine how overwhelming, stressful, and scary having to deal with that on a constant basis must be. You do not deserve to be abused. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave. It makes sense why you left the relationship It is frustrating that he is trying to invalidate what you experienced. Having to pay his bills while caring for your child and fleeing your home must make everything that much harder. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your children. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get to decide what are the best steps for you to take. This situation seems overwhelming. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

Is this the end 

 

How do I leave my husband who abuses me in every way possible to make me feel like nothing when he has custody of our daughter and has drug problems h he has drug me through the mud and ruined my life and reputation and still has a hold on me now I can’t leave because I am afraid he will abuse my child and would become homeless again how would that help me out there is no way out 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting it must be to have to stay with your abuser, especially when you are concerned for the safety of your child. You do not deserve to be abused and you did not do anything wrong. What you are going through is a lot deal with and it makes sense that you want to leave. Though being in an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of your child and yourself. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. Whatever you decided, remember that you are not alone.  

For months i feel that I’ve been mentally abused by my current partner and I can’t leave eith fear of her doing something bad to me. 

  

We have been together for nearly 3 years but in the past year she has become very controlling asking where I’m going and what I’m doing. Even if I tell her where I’m going and what I’m doing she doesn’t believe it and gets angry to.the point I’m to scared to leave the house just in case she will do something bad. 

  

She seems to take advantage of me when I’m at my most vulnerable such as return from work after a long day, coming back from visiting friends or even after drinking a beer with my friends….this she chooses this time to try a provoke an arguement with me. 

  

I don’t know what to do because it feels like when there is an arguement I’m always the one to be blamed by her and made to feel like it’s all my fault everytime and i have to accept all responsibility for the way that she feels. 

  

Please! Any advice 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are going through a tough time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate your situation. We are sorry to hear that you are being abused mentally. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. If you are comfortable, we would like to hear more about what is going on so that we could provide you with more support and information. Our 24/7 support line can be reached at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I am in an abusive marriage with 2 kids the abuse is getting worse,itbis verbal with threats to shoot me and kick me out of house,take my 2 boys,I work,pay all bills most of rent,but he is an MFT, inappropriate, abuses me verbally while on phone with clients,sells prescription bdrugs out of our home,gets his mom ex drug addict to help him abuse me and kids,carries a gun on him at all times ,has at least 2; others in house, threatens me day and night,degrades me in public, in front of kids,yells me I won’t be believed and tells me to get out, you ain’t taking my boys and he has filed several.lawsuits and won,he has over 65,000 in bank ,makes me spend my whole check everyonth 

 

The police have been called twice ,the do nothing and I am afraid my kids will be taken while I am trying to save them,he beats the dog,he beats the kids, he teaches them to fight each other, his mom helps, 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. We are sorry to read that you are currently in a tough situation. I cannot imagine how overwhelming, stressful, and scary having to deal with that on a constant basis must be. You, your children and your dog do not deserve to be abused and you did not do anything to deserve this type of treatment.  It is frustrating that you contacted the police and were not able to receive any help. Having to pay most of the bills and dealing with your husbands’ mother must make everything that much harder. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you, your children and your dog. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I need some advice I used to prostitute and then I started dating my boyfriend and he was not okay with me doing that anymore but all the sudden he started hitting me and fighting with me and being very controlling wanting to know my every move I can’t go anywhere but he could be gone all day and night he has access to my phone and everything I have but all the sudden put a new lock on his phone and won’t give it to me he keeps breaking up with me and kicking me out and then coming to find me telling me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore blaming at son everything he can think of we used to have sex alot and now he barely has sex with me ever and recently when he did tried telling me that another man pubic hair ended up in his mouth while he was eating my pussy I just need some advice and how to find the truth without him knowing where I can prove it can some on what I should do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a difficult time and are looking for assistance with navigating your situation. We are sorry to read that your boyfriend is hitting/fighting you and trying to surveillance everything that you are doing. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault for how he is behaving. We cannot imagine how stressful and tiring it must be to have to constantly deal with this type of behavior. This situation seems overwhelming. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

After 12 years with my girlfriend and two children we have together ive been arrested for domestic. For three years I have been attacked physically by her and would leave/ run to avoid altercation, it has been getting progressively worse and even in front of our sons. We broke up but she has it in her head were still together, refuses to leave our home and still wants to fight so I moved out

. She has stopped letting me see our sons. 

After trying to visit my sons and regain balance in my life an argument via phone took place about a babysitter at our once shared home to watch children who have a father. I expressed my hurt and emotion and went to leave, while leaving my house on bike she caught up in a car and hit me, as I was getting up she proceeded to attack me so I defended myself without unnecessary force. The police were called and she said I was the aggressor with false claims resulting in my arrest. I have pending charges and understand if your unable to speak on it but she has since spread rumors to friends and family stating I’m lost to drugs and had an affair with a drug addict resulting with me cutting ties with them, dhs and cps contacted her regarding the d.v to explain the victim’s role and to check the well being of our sons,

My question is pending trial and dismissal of my pending charges am I obligated or subject to abide by and defend myself against said allegations? 

And can an ex g/f who is involved with cps make claims true or false of child endangerment/ neglect on my new g/f in lieu of her children? 

4 children run the risk of being taken and put in the system as well as criminal charges and jail for party’s involved please take this into consideration, I hope to hear back from you and thank you for your time. 

 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read that you are going through a tough time. We cannot imagine how stressful and exhausting this situation must be. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we are unable to answer any legal questions on our message board. We recommend contacting A Community for Peace, as they might be better suited to addressing your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
Why is it hard to leave my relationship of 4 years I got 2 kids by him and I’m so scared and anxious on leaving  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine how hard everything must be. Leaving a relationship can be tough, especially when we are feeling scared and anxious. it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your kids. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 

My ex wife is trying to kill me & police won’t do anything about it. I cannot afford a lawyer to take her to court. 

She has falsely accused me of indescent exposure to my child and said that I sexually molested her, they have done multiple exams on her and nothing was found. 

After months of her making accusations about things the judge and my probation officer now know she falsely accused me of the charges against me. Later today my niece had found a post on Facebook of her trying to sell my property, there was a post from a man who is in law inforcment asking if there property was big enough to dig holes undetected and my ex wife replied “ to dig many holes, dig one big enough and I’ll throw in the body” this guy had also said that he was going to take me to the canyon up the mountain and shoot me. I have brought this to the attention of police and they all says they couldn’t help me and that it was a civil dispute any tips

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I can’t imagine how frustrating and overwhelming this must be. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, this situation is out of our scope. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

 

My ex and I split up 6 months ago. He was a narcissist or a sociopath… at least I think. Within the last 6 months, I blocked him from everything I can think of; however, he would manage to call me, email me, and message me on different numbers and accounts. He would leave presents outside of my house once a month. Recently, on another one of his new emails, he sent me a chapter book he wrote on a pdf file that seemed as if it were a diary of our 4-year relationship, only he also included dark sadistic actions he did to my dog. The abuse he caused my dog was so severe, that I believed him when he told me that my dog got attacked by another dog at the park. I believed him because I convinced myself a human would never choke a small dog against the wall, and bash its head against the concrete. He wrote that he did these things, and then proceeded to cry to my dog for forgiveness. It is complete insanity and pure disgust. I am afraid that if I press charges, he will do something dangerous or drastic to myself or himself. He deserves punishment, but I fear what he will do next. I need help and i know i need to take action, but I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand and can’t move.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are in a difficult and scary situation and are trying to figure out a safe way to handle it. We are sorry to read about your dog. We cannot imagine how you must have felt when you find out that information. It must have been heartbreaking. It makes sense why you want to press charges and the fact that your ex continues to harass you through different platforms must make it hard, especially when you are trying to remain safe. You and your dog do not deserve to be treated like this and it is not your fault. This situation is tough. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Hi everyone, I have a quick question or concern. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 years. We have had our ups and downs. Hitting whatsoever. This past Sunday we were drinking at our house with his brother and girlfriend, and i told him secretly that I didn’t liked how nice he was being with his brothers girlfriend. All hell broke lose he slapped me and the i told him don’t hit me so he snapped got me by the neck and started punching me on the face I couldn’t do much but to try and stop him by grabbing his face . The next day came and everyone and him made me feel like it was my fault. I’m starting to believe it is.  Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time. We are sorry to read that you went through this situation. We cannot imagine how scary and painful it must have been. Regardless of what transpired you did not deserve to be physically assaulted and you are not responsible for you boyfriend’s behavior. What happened on that Sunday was not your fault, no matter what your boyfriend or anyone else says. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Me and boyfriend got into a heated argument and he called his sister to come beat me up outside my home. Cops came after she fled from scene and ruled it ass harassment and possibly simple assault. I am dependent on the boyfriend for a lot of things because I cannot do everything alone. I’m a young mom with two small children and not much family and friends to turn to. I can’t find a job that pays me enough to be able to live alone and support my little ones. He is threatening that if I press charges he’ll leave… I’m scared and don’t know what to do here…

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are in a difficult situation and you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate everything. We are sorry to read that you were assaulted by your boyfriend’s sister. No one should be assaulted due to a heated argument and what your boyfriend’s sister did was not okay. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how hard and stressful it must be to have to be dependent on you boyfriend, especially when he is making threats to leave. Having two children and not getting enough support from friends and family must make it that much harder. If you are comfortable, we would like to hear a little bit more of what is going on so that we could offer you more support and see if there are any services that we could provide. We can be reached on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You AF 10/7/20

get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential.

I’ve been verbally abused for 20 years. I don’t family to help. I’m currently not working. I have two kids. I don’t know what to do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are in a tough position. We are sorry to read that you have been verbally abused for 20 years. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been to endure that situation for so long. You did not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. If you are comfortable, we would like to hear a little bit more of what is going on so that we could offer you more support and see if there are any services that we could provide. We can be reached on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I’m confused with my relationship and I don’t know whether I should stay in it, find help for me and my partner or leave it. In the beginning of our relationship, he wouldn’t hit me physically, but he’d find a way to harm using objects and try to play it “cool” in other words, try to convince me that I was crazy or that I hurt myself and I couldn’t ever explain to myself how I would get pain in my body. My body doesn’t usually bruise up quickly as others ,but that doesn’t mean I am not tolerating any pain. To better understand this, I was in the front seat of his friends car, and he was in the back seat. We were angry at each other, so we weren’t communicating as much, he would conversate with his friend and then me and his friend would conversate. Within that moment, he used the little storage behind the central console, to hurt me. My hand was resting on it and he closed it while my hand was there and hurt me, I didn’t move at all thinking maybe he just pushed it down by accident, but he did it again 2 more times. I started screaming at him and he said ”oh I didn’t know there was something there” He would do other things such as that and it got worse to the point when I started responding back in such ways and eventually it became physical abuse. 

I am convinced at this moment that everything is my fault because i bitched slapped him and threw his phone across. But now, I’m thinking what the heck happened. I’m confused as to where if it was all my fault or if he had all right to hurt me back. 

[ Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time. No one deserves to be physically assaulted in a relationship regardless if someone is mad or if there is an argument. Looking back on a situation we can wonder whether we deserved to be treated a certain way or if we did anything to cause our treatment. These thoughts are normal, but we need to understand that choosing to hit or physically assault somebody is a choice. You are never responsible for the actions of other people, including your partner, and you did not do anything wrong to be treated that way. I cannot imagine how tiring and stressful it must be to have to constantly live in this type of environment. Relationships can be tough and there can be a lot of situations that can be hard to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Does my husband have the right to physically assault me because he doesn’t want me to smoke cigarettes? He doesn’t approve of me smoking and has taken all the car keys (he says to prevent me from going to the store to buy cigarettes), follows me outside to the back porch (which is where I smoke) and then wrestles the cigarettes away from me. This evening he injured my left hand after I begged him to please leave me alone. I told him that I would call the cops and he said that they wouldn’t do anything. My husband is in the military and we have just moved to a new location where I don’t know anyone. I don’t know what to do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are in a stressful situation. No one has a right to physically assault you, regardless of the situation. It is okay for your husband to disapprove of your smoking, but it is not okay for them to physically assault you or to try to force you to stop smoking. It seems like moving to a new location has been isolating. I cannot imagine how lonely that must feel sometimes to be away from family and friends. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
It’s alcohol every time my boyfriend hits me but never when sober is there any hope? He’s in jail right now  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear that your boyfriend was hitting you. Regardless if someone is under the influence of alcohol, it is never okay for them to hit anyone. I cannot imagine how scary and painful that must have been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. If you are needing additional support or information, you can give us a call on your 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952.  
I have become abusive towards my husband because he has done some deal breaker things and I don’t want to be married to him. I don’t want to try anymore. Why does he still want to be married to me?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are having a hard time with navigating your relationship and its normal to not want to try anymore. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is outside of our scope. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 
my adult son still lives at home. he has always been abusive towards his mother and me.today he assaulted me and threatened to kill me.I know its just anger talking.if I report it to the police will he be arrested. I dont want that  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your son. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Involving police can be overwhelming and scary. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My bf is 21 and he has a younger sister who is 15 and both their parents are physically and mentally abusive his dad is also an alcoholic I just want to help them out of it I don’t know what to do  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like your boyfriend and his sister are going through a rough time. It must be hard seeing them go through this and it makes sense why you are trying to help. Here at WEAVE, our services are centered around intimate partner violence. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.  
My husband is a generally sweet guy who I think has emotional regulation problems. He’s never jealous or try to control finances (I do finances) and when we fight we both can be terrible. I’m being told he’s abusive. He has pushed me a few times (when we both equally contribute to a bad fight) and he put his hands around my neck recently. When he’s reached his limit he won’t let me leave the house. This isn’t often. Is this abusive?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are trying to figure out the dynamics of your relationship. We cannot define your experiences, but we can provide you with our definition of abuse. At WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship, and you know what is best for you. If you would like additional support or information, we would be more than happy to talk with you on our 24/7 anonymous and confidential support line at (916) 920-2952.  

My fiancé emotionally abused me in the last month and then left and blocked me with no contact. I’m in depression, have had frequent anxiety attacks, went to mount Sinai too where I was injected to relax with my fiancé only and then he just vanished. 

 

Our culture is different and hence we weren’t sleeping/living together but he was staying at my place every other day. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on and you are trying to process everything. I cannot imagine how hard that must have been to have your fiancé leave without telling you anything, especially after you endured their abuse. Whatever you are feeling is normal and it is not your fault. We would love to offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at (916) 90-2952. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I am a 26 year old single mother on welfare with one child and my mother is threatening to kick me. She had verbally and emotionally abused me my entire like and she used to physically abuse me. She is a compulsive liar and narcissist and comes home with treats and little gifts after threatening to kick me and my child out and got super upset when I kept my distance and focused on myself and my child. She is now texting me and saying I need to leave in 30 days or else she’s removing my name from the lease or removing her own name and leaving because she knows I can’t afford to live here on my own. Is this abuse? I feel like it is. Can she have my name removed? She’s threatened to abandon me for as long as I can remember and this time it all started because I didn’t wait for her at the grocery store. I was with my child in this dry heat and I told her I was going to start walking while she talked to the cashier about politics. She then just blew up and said she wanted me out of her house. Again. I’m so overwhelmed and worried about the safety of myself and my baby.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. It seems like you are going through a extremely difficult time. I am sorry to read that you have to deal with your mother’s verbal and emotional abuse. You and your child do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault for how your mother chooses to behave. It must be extremely stressful being told that you are going to be kicked out and it makes sense that you are feeling overwhelmed, especially when considering the safety of you and your child. Here at WEAVE, our services are centered around intimate partner violence. We believe that “A Community for Peace,” might be a better resource suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. Another resource that might be able to provide with assistance will be 2-1-1 Sacramento. They can be reached by dialing 2-1-1 or calling 1-800-500-4931. 

I finally have the courage to leave a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. My husband is a narcissist and he has choked me out to the point that I had to go to the ER. Ive lost myself to this relationship mentally, emotionally and physically and now my health is being affected.We argue all the time and he’s told me to leave. And I also need to leave for my peace of mind. We discussed shared custody. Now that the time is approaching he’s acting irrationally and using our daughter to control me. I live in NY and can’t afford a place there so I intend to move to NJ. He said I can’t move anywhere that he can’t get to our daughter in 30 minutes. Can I get some advice on what my rights are and what he’s is. Also because I’m moving to another state can he say that I’m kidnapping our daughter. He said I’m 

Not going anywhere with her. 

   

He’s currently unemployed, I take care of 90% of the expenses so he’s losing that support and giving me a hard time. Help pleas 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful, scary and exhausting being in this situation has been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave. It makes sense why you left the relationship, and it is heartbreaking to read that your husband is using your daughter to manipulate the situation. It looks like you are looking for assistance within NY or possibly NJ. We believe that the National Domestic Violence Hotline would be better suited to provide you with local resources and further support within those areas. You can reach them at 1-800-799-7233.  

My partner of almost 5 years and I got into a argument and she had left with almost all her belongings. She the comes back and gets her clothes and I asked about the hiegen products she had taken everything I asked her for my stuff back she said fine I’ll bring it back if she can. Then grabs the laundry soap and bleach and started to walk out I said no your not taking all that she said yes she is and I noticed that she had the mace I had bought her and I said no you can put some in a couple of empty water bottles

and leaves 20-30 minutes later to guys show up with a long heavy pipe and the other has a knife the one with the pipe crouches and started swinging hard for my legs and the one with the knife starts swinging yelling you hit her in the face not her face I’m like what the hell is going on backing up yell I didn’t hit her get the fuck out the one with the knife See’s the broken shovel handle I’m defenseless and then I see white for a minute I’m holding up my arms like a boxer trying to grab the things swung at me I see white again but I fall to the ground the guy with the pipe screams not her face this is for her and hits my left leg so hard my teeth hurt I know I’m done for my knee and leg or broken I can see it by the way my leg is laying the one with the knife pushed me back and said not the face and I keep thinking what the hell why do they keep saying that but that’s what I need advice on and how long do I have to fill charges 

  

  

Please help me yes I’m a man who is the abused ok help me 

 

[Shortened for length]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and think that “A Community for Peace” might be able to provide you with resources better suited for your situation. You can reach their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.    
 I left my husband of 30 years, he was physically abusive to me in the early years when I would piss him off and has always been verbally abusive to the point I got used to it and gave it back to him. In the the last 15 or 20 years he had stopped trying to hit me and mostly broke thing like my windshield and windows or things in the house. He would say its his property too and he could break it. he was able to work and would work time to time but only for himself because he is an alcoholic and drinks from the time he wakes up and cant drink working for a boss or company. He is a carptenter. I was mostly responsible for paying the bills, we didn’t agree to do this I just got stuck doing it if wanted t survive. The end of 2019 I left I couldn’t take it anymore, our only child had grown and moved out and we were alone now in the house and the drinking and yelling got worse so I left. I filed bankruptcy and trying to start over, Im going to file for divorce soon. but I feel so guilty that he can not take care of himself. He hasn’t made a house payment, he works some when he wants. why do I still feel responsible. Is it my fault I let him be the way he is by allowing it to continue that he got worse and now cant cope? He makes me feel guilty, he wants me to come back and Im so much happier now but I feel like do I have the right to just leave after 30 years? I feel like I am breaking a law by abandoning him but he is not a child I know  Thanking you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have been going through this experience for a long time, it seems like it has been a lot to deal with and process. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this situation must be. Everyone deserves to feel safe in a relationship. There are many reasons why someone might go back to their abuser and this is completely normal. It is okay to feel sad or guilty but know you did nothing wrong by standing up for yourself. It is not okay that you are being abused. Nothing you did makes this your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for your abuser’s actions. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about divorce and would like to discuss your legal options, we have a legal team that can assist you.  If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   

Been with an abusive man for 11 years now…we have 3 kids. I’ve been suicidal for a while but now I’m starting to feel like it’s my only way out. I’ve called the cops on him at least twice and they have never done anything about it. I have no family here, they are across the country. I’m too poor to take care of the kids on my own. I just feel I will never be happy again and I’m ready to end myself soon. 

 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  It seems like you are going through a difficult time and we are sorry that you have not been able to receive any help or support. We cannot imagine how hopeless that must have felt when law enforcement did not do anything to help you. Having your family live across the country must make the situation worse. We want you to know that however you are feeling about the situation is okay. You did not ask to be abused by your partner and it is not your fault. It seems like everything has been overwhelming for a long time and death seems like the only option you can see to end the pain. We want to let you know that you are not alone. We would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are also concerned for your safety. If you are still having thoughts of suicide, we encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 800-273-8255 to provide you with more support. 
Who in mo do I turn to if my husband starts yelling at me every day or every night.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your husband is constantly yelling at you. I cannot imagine how frustrating and exhausting that must be. We would love to hear more about what is going on and offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 
Is it considered neglect, abuse, torture if your fiance does not offer his condolences to you after 2 immediate family members, that you were extremely close with, pass within 10 days of each other?! I know it’s extremely rude, and a completely unacceptible behavior. He has not said one single word about either of them and has made no attempt to attend either one of their funerals. I am so disgusted with him and so emotionally distraught I cannot even focus.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. My condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how much pain you must be in from losing two of your immediate family members. It must be extremely hard for you right now, especially when you are not getting any support from your fiancé. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship and it makes sense that you are disgusted for how he has responded. Processing a death of a loved one is hard, if you are comfortable, we provided a resource to Bereavement Network Resources of Sacramento. They can be reached at (916) 557-5882 or at http://griefhelpsacramento.com/ and can offer you more support during your grieving process.  
Hi, i live in USA and my brother in law is also moving to US with his family. I dont want them to come over to my place because they have always used me for their selfish reasons and treated me like a servant only. I have decided that they shouldn’t come and live where i am living so that i don’t have to deal them in the future. Is there any way to stop him? I spoke to my husband and he seems to be waiting for right time and treating me very nicely so that i get convinced. once his brother will be here, he will show his true color. my job is good and they want to use me. once they will come, i will have no privacy. i have tried my best but they are always jealous of me and have always tried to belittle me. please advise. Thanks  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you might be in a difficult situation. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be to anticipate this person’s arrival. You do not deserve to be treated like a servant or have people take advantage of you. Here at WEAVE, we focus on intimate partner violence. “A Community for Peace,” offers services and resources that are better suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

 I finally have the courage to leave a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. My husband is a narcissist and he has choked me out to the point that I had to go to the ER. Ive lost myself to this relationship mentally, emotionally and physically and now my health is beingaffected.We argue all the time and he’s told me to leave. And I also need to leave for my peace of mind. We discussed shared custody. Now that the time isapproaching he’s acting irrationally and using our daughter to control me. I live in NY and can’t afford a place there so I intend to move to NJ. He said I can’t move anywhere that he can’t get to our daughter in 30 minutes. Can I get some advice on what my rights are and what he’s is. Also because I’m moving to another state can he say that I’m kidnapping our daughter. He said I’m 

Not going anywhere with her. 

   

He’s currently unemployed, I take care of 90% of the expenses so he’s losing that support and giving me a hard time. Help pleas 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you are going through a difficult time. We cannot imagine how stressful, scary and exhausting being in this situation has been. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave. It makes sense why you left the relationship,and it is heartbreaking to read that your husband is using your daughter to manipulate the situation. It looks like you are looking for assistance within NY or possibly NJ. We believe that the National Domestic Violence Hotline would be better suited to provide you with local resourcesand further support within those areas. You can reach them at 1-800-799-7233.  
My partner of almost 5 years and I got into a argument and she had left with almost all her belongings. She the comes back and gets her clothes and I asked about the hiegen products she had taken everything I asked her for my stuff back she said fine I’ll bring it back if she can. Then grabs the laundry soap and bleach and started to walk out I said no your not taking all that she said yes she is and I noticed that she had the mace I had bought her and I said no you can put some in a couple of empty water bottles she screams no get out of the way or I’ll make you and again I said no she then macedme the first time and then I pushed her away and I yelled at her saying really yourgoing to mace me over laundry soap how childish can you get then she maced me again inches for my face right in my eyes and then I try to grab it and find her face I rub my face and rub it all over her face she starts crying and screaming and screams you’ll be sorry she washes her face scrubbing to hard scratches her face a little and leaves 20-30 minutes later to guys show up with a long heavy pipe and the other has a knife

I can see it by the way my leg is laying the one with the knife pushed me back and said not the face and I keep thinking what the hell why do they keep saying that but that’s what I need advice on and how long do I have to fill charges 

  

  

Please help me yes I’m a man who is the abused ok help me 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to read how this situation transpired. I cannot imagine how painful and scary it must have been. Although we try to answer questions to the best of our ability, we believe that this question is out of our scope. To file a report with the Sacramento Police Department, please call (916) 808-5471. They should be able to provide you with more information regarding the filing process and how much time you have to report the incident. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and think that “A Community for Peace” might be able to provide you with resources better suited for your situation. You can reach their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.    
 I left my husband of 30 years, he was physically abusive to me in the early years when I would piss him off and has always been verbally abusive to the point I got used to it and gave it back to him. In thethe last 15 or 20 years he had stopped trying to hit me and mostly broke thinglike my windshield and windows or things in the house. He would say its his property too and he could break it. he was able to work and would work time to time but only for himself because he is an alcoholic and drinks from the time he wakes up andcant drink working for a boss or company. He is a carptenter. I was mostly responsible for paying the bills, we didn’t agree to do this I just got stuck doing it if wanted t survive. The end of 2019 I left I couldn’t take it anymore, our only child had grown and moved out and we were alone now in the house and the drinking and yelling got worse so I left. I filed bankruptcy and trying to start over, Imgoing to file for divorce soon. but I feel so guilty that he can not take care of himself. He hasn’t made a house payment, he works some when he wants. why do I still feel responsible. Is it my fault I let him be the way he is by allowing it to continue that he got worse and now cant cope? He makes me feel guilty, he wants me to come back and Im so much happier nowbut I feel like do I have the right to just leave after 30 years? I feel like I am breaking a law by abandoning him but he is not a child I know  Thanking you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have been going through this experience for a long time, it seems like it has been a lot to deal with and process. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this situation must be. Everyone deserves to feel safe in a relationship. There are many reasons why someone might go back to their abuser and this is completely normal.It is okay to feel sad or guilty but know you did nothing wrong by standing up for yourself. It is not okay that you are being abused. Nothing you did makes this your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for your abuser’s actions. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about divorce and would like to discuss your legal options, we have a legal team that can assist you.  If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous
Been with an abusive man for 11 years now…we have 3 kids. I’ve been suicidal for a while but now I’m starting to feel like it’s my only way out. I’ve called the cops on him at least twice and they have never done anything about it. I have no familyhere, they are across the country. I’m too poor to take care of the kids on my own. I just feel I will never be happy again and I’m ready to end myself soon.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  It seems like you are going through a difficult time and we are sorry that you have not been able to receive any help or support.We cannot imagine how hopeless that must have felt when law enforcement did not do anything to help you. Having your family live across the country must make the situation worse. We want you to know that however you are feeling about the situation is okay. You did not ask to be abused by your partner and it is not your fault. It seems like everything has been overwhelming for a long time and deathseems like the only option you can see to end the pain. We want to let you know that you are not alone. We would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. We are also concerned for your safety. If you are still having thoughts of suicide, we encourage you to call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 800-273-8255 to provide you with more support. 
Who in mo do I turn to if my husband starts yelling at me every day or everynight.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that your husband is constantly yelling at you. I cannot imagine how frustrating and exhausting that must be. We would love to hear more about what is going on and offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 
Is it considered neglect, abuse, torture if your fiance does not offer his condolences to you after 2 immediate family members, that you were extremely close with, pass within 10 days of each other?! I know it’s extremely rude, and a completelyunacceptible behavior. He has not said one single word about either of them andhas made no attempt to attend either one of their funerals. I am so disgusted with him and so emotionally distraught I cannot even focus.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. My condolences for your loss. I cannot imagine how much pain you must be in from losing two of your immediate family members. It must be extremely hard for you right now, especially when you are not getting any support from your fiancé. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You are the expert in your relationship and it makes sense that you are disgusted for how he has responded. Processing a death of a loved one is hard, if you are comfortable, we provided a resource to Bereavement Network Resources of Sacramento. They can be reached at (916) 557-5882 or athttp://griefhelpsacramento.com/ and can offer you more support during your grieving process.  
Hi, i live in USA and my brother in law is also moving to US with his family. I dontwant them to come over to my place because they have always used me for their selfish reasons and treated me like a servant only. I have decided that they shouldn’t come and live where i am living so that i don’t have to deal them in the future. Is there any way to stop him? I spoke to my husband and he seems to be waiting for right time and treating me very nicely so that i get convinced. once his brother will be here, he will show his true color. my job is good and they want to use me. once they will come, i will have no privacy. i have tried my best but they are always jealous of me and have always tried to belittle me. please advise. Thanks  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you might be in a difficult situation. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be to anticipate this person’s arrival.You do not deserve to be treated like a servant or have people take advantage of you. Here at WEAVE, we focus on intimate partner violence. “A Community for Peace,” offers services and resources that are better suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

My abusive NOW EX-BF refuses to let me move out of the apartment becAuse he quit his job (to no doubt run around with some chic,) and needs me to pay the rent. 

How do I get out? 

I’m not leaving him all of my stuff, no way. 

He has stolen $4,000 worth of music gear from me and now is just going to sit here and make me pay all the bills. 

What do I do? 

He sleeps on the couch every night and is only nice to me when he wants something. Other than that, I am a piece of shit. He is so mean. It’s almost like I feel like I’m being held hostage. 

I’m afraid to do anything in fear he’ll just literally beat the crap out of me. 

He holds onto the keys to the apartment like the place is his but yet he doesn’t pay any bills and the apartment isn’t even in his name. 

I’m literally just wanting to move my stuff, including the music gear he claims is hisbut I AM PAYING FOR. And then just leave but he’s not letting me. 

What do I do? Seriously. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  I am sorry to read that you are in a difficult situation. No one deserves to feel like they are being held hostage in their own apartment and you should be able to leave any situation that does not feel safe or comfortable. It must be stressful and frustrating having to pay rent by yourself, especially when your ex is being mean andrefusing to let you leave. You do not deserve to be treated this way, and it is in no way your fault. The way that your ex-bf is behaving is not okay and it makes why you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My adult son got sentence to prison for 4 years and I was the only one that supported him and stayed by him. The only one. He told me how things would change and how he wanted to be a better father to his two kids and all kinds of things he wanted to change. Now that he is released, he is hanging out with the same meth head people and not being a good father and not doing any of the things he said he was going to do. I offered him to stay at my house, which he robbed. He only comes around to do laundry and eat and shower. He is staying with a drug dealer girlfriend at theirparents house and the girlfriend is very disrespectful to me and he thinks it’s ok. He lunged at me once and I thought he was going to hit me. I am afraid of my own son and its killing me inside. I feel like he used me for the four years he was in prison for money for commissary, phone calls, visits, etc which came to about 15000.00 in total. Not one of the people he hangs out with now was there for him for one second. N  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and for sharing your story. It seems like you are going through a hard time. I can see from your message that your son was important to you and cannot imagine how painful it must be to feel used and unappreciated.You do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully and should not have to fear your son. It seems like the situation has been a lot to process. “A Community for Peace,” offers services and resources that are better suited for your situation. They can offer you more support on their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.  
why does my dad always tell me his dad threatened to knock him on his ass. but then he goes and tells he would’ve taken the chance to hit me. i need to leave this house. i dont feel safe here  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are not feeling safe in your own home. No one should have to deal with this type of behavior, and you are not responsible for your father’s actions. I cannot imagine how stressful and tiring it must be to have to live there. We understand that this can be a lot to go through and think that “A Community for Peace” might be able to provide you withresources better suited for your situation.You can reach their crisis line at (916) 728-7210.  

We do not live together, I asked her to engage me but now all she says is i am acting weird and that I’m cheating every day. She threatened to take a restraining order if I break up the engagement. Can I do something to protect myself before she does anything? 

I’m 26 but she just sees me as her source of “happiness and non bordem” 

Thank you for sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. It seems like your situation has been stressful and exhausting and you are having a hard time figuring out what steps to take. I cannot imagine how overwhelming it must be to be someone’s source of “happiness.” It seems like the dynamics of the relationship have changed and it makes sense that you are questioning whether you should proceed with this engagement. You should be able to decide whether you want to be in a relationship without the fear of retaliation. It seems like the situation has been a lot to process. We would love to hear more about what is going on and offer you more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. 

I’m a man, my kids mom is physically and verbally abusive to me. She has threatened many times that if I try and take the kids, she will tell them that I am abusive. Small town will 

Most likely believe her. She also threatens to keep the kids from me. She’s technically primary, but I have them more. She also had a child after we split with someone else that is not in the picture. I am raising him like he’s mine. I don’t have any legal rights to him, so she would for sure be able to keep him from 

Me. What do I do? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing physical and verbal abuse. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not your fault. I cannot imagine how hard and exhausting it must be to deal with this, especially when you are threatened to have your kids taken away from you. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate through this situation. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Been in this mentally physically emotionally abusive relationship for 14 years he has taken everything that made me me away and says I done it to my self Now I’m at the point I have no job no money no clothes no friends my parents are dead no place to go my car fixed where it can’t be drove   Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this difficult situation. You do not deserve to be mentally, physically, or emotionally abused and you are not to blame for the way that this person is treating you. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate through this situation. I cannot imagine how exhausting it must be to have to deal with this, especially with the lack of support and resources. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My ex choked me and busted my lip … I’m afraid to tell the cops what if they don’t believe me . Im afraid of him . He’s gotten away with so much what if he gets away with. Again .  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through an incredibly difficult time right now. No one deserves to be choked and have their lip busted. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and what your ex did to you was not your fault. I cannot imagine how scary and frustrating it is to be in this situation. It makes sense why you are afraid to tell the cops and have concerns regarding if they will believe you, especially if your ex was not held accountable for their actions in the past. Those feelings are normal and valid. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

He slapped me in the face I fell to the ground. He kicked me between the legs. 4+X’s before that he punched holes in the wall, threw a glass on the floor, over turned furniture and called me demeaning names even the C word. His adolescent nephew was diagnosed with IED. I think he may have it as well or is it abuse ? It’s been a week and just now I’m feeling mad at myself for staying , scared and confused. He hit his X In the face 23 yrs ago. He says this is only the second time and he “says” it will never happen again. Do I leave him ? I’m in counseling and I told him we wanted to stay together , and he is going to counseling. I am so confused and sad. 

 

Will he do it again?? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult and confusing time. I cannot imagine how scary, stressful and exhausting it must be to have to be in that type of environment. You do not deserve to be slapped, kicked, demeaned or experience any type of violence from anyone, regardless if they are living with IED or any other behavioral health issues. Although we cannot define your experience, here at WEAVE we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Remember that you are not responsible for this person’s actions and you did not do anything to wrong. You said that you are feeling mad, scared and confused. Those feelings are completely normal, and it makes sense why you would be feeling that way. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
Can I report someone that hit me to the police without using my real name  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you were physically assaulted. You do not deserve to be treated that way and it is in no way your fault. I cannot imagine how scary it was to be in that situation and it makes sense why you would want to remain anonymous. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

I’m 17 on October, close right? Well, my stepdad is mentally abusive to me and only me out of 3 girls. I have a friend with an apartment and want to move in and get away from my stepdad. Am I, a 17 yr old, allowed to make that decision on my own?  

   

I have a dad but don’t want to live with him right now. His place is too crowded. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a tough time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate through this situation. You do not deserve to be mentally abused by your stepdad and it is not your fault for the way that he chooses to treat you. I cannot imagine how stressful, exhausting and hurtful it must be to have to constantly deal with this behavior. You deserve to come home to a place that feels safe and comforting. It makes sense why you are thinking about moving and this is completely normal. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide you with a direct answer. It seems like there is a lot going on and we would like to hear more about your situation so that we can provide you with more support and information. You can reach us on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 

My fiancé loses his temper during arguments. It seems to be getting worse since we’ve had our child. He has thrown shoes at the back of my head, grabbed me by my throat and pinned me, threw our son’s rocker chair at my back, backed me into corners, slammed me into walls, left bruises, and called me awful names. I have been told I am nothing & I have started to believe it. He has told me that if I leave him I will have nobody. I didn’t realize I was being abused until recently, as I was severely depressed after the birth of my son and thought that it was something I was doing wrong. When we aren’t arguing we are happy, and I love having my family together, but I feel like I don’t know the severity of my situation because I haven’t told anyone that these things are happening to me. He would never hurt our son, he loves him more than anything, but I still feel like I need to protect him and leave.  

If i leave how do i know things won’t get worse? I’m worried what he could do. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I can tell from your message that you are going through an extremely difficult time and are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. I cannot imagine how scary, stressful, and painful it is to have to deal with this on a consistent basis. You do not deserve to be physically and verbally assaulted and your fiancés temper is not an excuse to treat you this way. You did nothing wrong and are not responsible for your fiancé’s behavior. It makes sense that you want to leave, especially if you feel that the situation is getting worse and are concerned for your son. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your son. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I am a victim of domestic violence I’m currently inside the home with my abuser and I’m not allowed to leave the house if I do he finds me no matter where I go. Every day I’m getting beat on and I have 2 daughters who watch it. I have money saved up to move into my own place but it will have to be outside of Philadelphia. Last time I moved into another place he found me and dragged me out and fractured my ribs black eyes busted lips stabbed and he put guns to my head and hits me wit guns I’m living in fear every day. Women against abuse shelters are full regular shelters are full. He keeps me away from family. My kids are scared to death of him. He beat me up if I leave the house he rapes me all the time I lost count how many. I had pof’s and restraining orders back and forth to court pressing charges it do not work he still find a way to hurt me physically and mentally. I’m so scared and I need help please someone. I just want my kids safe and I wanna live to see them grow up.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like there is a lot going on right now and I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to deal with your abuser. You do not deserve to be physically assaulted, threatened with weapons, and held captive. You have done nothing wrong and are not responsible for your abuser’s behavior. It must be exhausting for you and your kids to live in a constant state of fear and it makes sense why you want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kids. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I left a relationship because he was gaslighting me all the time. He wants to be friends, has my number and knows where I live. His current partner just asked me about my experience with him gaslighting me because his current partner feels like the same thing is happening again. I told them my experience, and they said it resonated with them and they are going to leave the relationship. They asked me if it was ok that they tell my ex that they talked to me. I said yes, but now I’m worried that my ex might retaliate because I “ruined their relationship” or something. Was it wrong of me to tell his current partner my experience? Should I have said not to them bringing me into it? How can I make sure retaliation doesn’t happen?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you had to experience gaslighting in your past relationship and it makes sense why you decided to leave. You did not do anything wrong and you should not have to feel fear for sharing your story. I can see why you are concerned about retaliation and that is normal and valid. I can see that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation, if you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 

My boyfriend started hitting me a couple months ago, it started as a “joke” as he would put it, that he does with his friends. This was his way of justifying it, which made me feel like I should be okay with it. He has hit me multiple times, most slapping in the face or back of head. I would not consider this a playful action as it often hurts and/or leaves marks. I also would never as a joke actually hit someone/my friends so this seems weird to me. But i let it happen and I started/do believe it isn’t “abuse” because he was joking, am I fair to be hurt from this?  

This behaviour also started to take place during sex and would be his kink, but I have the same feelings towards it.  

He has cheated and lied to me multiple times and I feel so devasted and drained from this whole relationship. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. You do not deserve to be hit and you are not obligated to put up with this type of behavior because your boyfriend thinks that it is a “joke.” If you are uncomfortable with these actions, then your boyfriend should respect your boundaries and stop. You are entitled to feel however you want about this situation and it is not your fault. It seems like this has been a lot to process and it makes sense why you feel devastated and drained.  If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My ex boyfriend of12 years took out papers for domestic violence 8days after we had the agreement  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It looks like you are trying to navigate a difficult situation. If you are comfortable, we would like to know a little bit more of what is going on so we could offer you more support. You can reach us at our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
My fiancé and I just moved from Missouri to Texas. The second day in the new house he started hitting me. I’m 10 weeks pregnant and scared of him hurting the baby. He only hurts me when I start arguments because I’m hormonal and when things are good they are amazing and he spoils me. I’m 19 and he was my first boyfriend so I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I moved 12 hours away from my family. I wanted things to be good with him, should I try to get him to go to angry management or work this out in some way? He won’t let me leave, Everytime I’ve tried he said he will kill himself or find me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are trying to navigate this difficult and scary situation. You do not deserve to be hit and you are not responsible for your fiancé’s actions, regardless of any arguments that have occurred. I cannot imagine how stressful and tiring it must be to have to deal with this behavior while also trying to keep your 10-week baby safe. I am sorry that you are 12 hours away from your family, that must be lonely at times. It seems like managing this relationship has been tough, however it is important to think about the safety of you and your child. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and they will be able to provide you with support and resources that are available in your local area. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
How do I stay away from a toxic relationship that was mentally and physically abusive. If we have a kid  Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing mental and physical abuse. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation for you and your child. I cannot imagine how hard and tiring it must be to have to constantly manage a toxic relationship. You do not deserve to deal with mental and physical abuse, and it is not okay. You have done nothing wrong and it is completely valid that you are trying to stay away from this relationship. While dealing with a toxic relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of you and your child. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
My fiance tried to kill me. He is jail for attempted murder amongst several other felonies. His family doesn’t speak with him and live far away. Do I have to keep his things.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to hear that you had to go through that experience. I cannot imagine how scary that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated that way and however you are feeling about the situation is normal and okay. You are not obligated to keep or take care of your fiancés belongings and whatever you decided to do with them is your decision. You know the situation best and you get to decide what you think is the best way to proceed. Processing all of this can be a lot, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support on our 24/7 confidential support line at (916) 920-2952 How do I stay away from a toxic relationship that was mentally and physically abusive. If we have a kid 
I was just discharged from an inpatient psychiatric care unit. I have an OP against my rapist and ex of 10 years. I found out he named himself my “relative” on my discharge papers. How did he get away with this? Is this a violation if the name he used does not match his legal name or AKA name? I am beyond startled, but also not one bit surprised. I am just beyond belief that everyone on this unit (and GENERAL HOSPITAL security too) knew how dangerous my particular situation was. The last names are the same. Why did nobody catch this? Or just let me know if they had any suspicion? I never once mentioned him…unless I was crying from fear. I don’t know how he could’ve found me. Apart from calling every mental facility in my region. Any tips will help my mind settle and help me habituate so I can behave like the actual healthy human being that I AM. Thank you all. Thanks for being fighters with me. We are not alone. We are so much smarter than them. We have love on our side.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that this has happened and cannot imagine how scary finding out that information must have been. You had an order of protection to keep you safe, so it makes sense why you would have all these questions. Whatever you are feeling is normal and valid. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. 

I have been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year now, and please don’t get me wrong I love him with everything and he is a great guy. His mother used to beat him, neglect him, threaten to kill him, etc so he does carry a lot of trauma. When we got a cat together, he swore she would be both of ours and we’d make the decisions together. Well then she started having a problem pooping outside of her box. I Everytime she does this He punishes her by “spanking” her which the more she does it the more it turns into literally beating the cat. It’s so scary when he does it. 

. But yesterday while I was driving he was yelling at me and saying how I ruined his life and he’s going to kill himself and I will have to tell his family it was my fault. He said he hates me and that we should just break up (which he says almost every fight.) but then as soon as these fights are over he is the sweetest most loving guy I’ve ever been with. He is good to me and generous and kind. He is always always looking out for me. But yesterday he hit me in the face with my notebook. It was the first time he’s done anything like that and I was very very upset. He apologized and told me he would never hurt me, And that we just need to drop things before it gets to that point. And he might be right. He is a wonderful person and has never done this to his past partners. And I know who I am I am aggravating and downright cruel sometimes. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to keep going on like this
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are trying to figure out the best way to navigate this situation. I am sorry that you have to deal with type of behavior, no one deserves to be hit or have insults spoken to them, regardless of the amount of trauma a person has been through. It must be exhausting having every little thing you do be picked on and feeling like you cannot do anything right. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for how your boyfriend chooses to behave. Whatever you are feeling right now is normal and valid. While dealing with this relationship might be tough, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take, including if you decide to stay or leave. If you are comfortable, we would love to provide you with more support, information, and safety planning on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. However, the decision is completely up to you. You get to decide what you feel comfortable with here. All our services are voluntary and confidential. Whatever you decide, remember that you are not alone. 
I think my boyfriend raped me but I’m not sure. He would convince me to have sex with him and perform oral sex on him even when I didn’t want to. I would tell him no but eventually I would feel like he would get mad or distant if I didn’t do what he asked. He had anger issues and although he never hit me I was scared it might come to that if I refused to have sex with him. Is this rape?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you are going through a difficult and confusing time. Although we are not able to define your experience, we can provide you with our definitions of sexual assault and rape. Here at WEAVE we define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. We hope that our definitions will help you and want to let you know that you are not alone. You do not deserve to be pressured into doing anything that you did not want to do, and it is no way your fault. This can be a lot to process, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
My husband back handed me during a heated argument. He said it was an accident. He didn’t mean to. I accepted his apology and came back home mostly for my son’s sake. But now I’m not sure I can live in this type of environment. I’m absolutely horrified to speak to him about it and have no idea what to do now. Do I leave? Do i ask him to leave? Do i stay and try to work through this? We’ve tried counseling a year ago he said it was too expensive and that we didn’t need it.   Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am so sorry that you had to experience that. You did not deserve to be treated that way and you are in no way responsible for how your husband behaves. I cannot imagine how difficult, scary and frustrating being in that situation must have been. It makes sense that you decided to stay out of the consideration of your son. Being in these types of environments is tricky and it is normal to question how you want to navigate your relationship. Whether you decide to stay or leave, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your son. You are the expert on your relationship, and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   
my boyfriend has slapped punched pulled my hair and thrown me before. he wont let me work. i have no family or friends to go to so i’ve stayed in this relationship. he got me a puppy a couple moths back as a i’m sorry shes 6 months now but he recently got me another puppy shes 12 weeks now and when either dog moves he hits them hes chocked them when they did something they where not supposed and then turned on me when i tried to save them. they are both ok now just terrified of him. i try to keep them quite and away from them as much as possible but every so often he does get to them what do i do? how to i leave? how do i save up money? i cant find any resources to help me and them get out and i cant leave them as hes threatened to kill me himself and the dogs multiple times and threatened to have his friends/ family kill us and anyone who helped me get away if he goes to jail. and they will if he lies which i know he will  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. It seems like you are going through a rough time and trying to navigate your way through this situation. It must be exhausting, frustrating, and painful to have to constantly deal with your boyfriend’s behavior. I cannot imagine how scary it must be when he threatens you and your family. You and your dogs do not deserve to be treated this way and it is in no way your fault for how your boyfriend decides to behave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your dogs. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. You are not alone!   
This is a long distance relationship) So my friend has a boyfriend and he just told me that his boyfriend is purposely not answering him to make him worry and they keep fighting and then he hold me the stuff his boyfriend is into and he said he likes gunplay, knife play, has a piss kink, beating kink, and has a r*pe fantasy. His boyfriend didn’t even believe in aftercare and safe words until my friends got him to. I’m trying to get him leave the relationship but he said that he can’t cause his boyfriend will k*ll h*ms*lf and I’m worried and Idk what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like your friend has been going through a lot. I cannot imagine how hurtful and frustrating that must be for their boyfriend to purposefully try to make them worry and threaten to take their own life. It makes sense why you are concerned for your friend and you have every right to be worried. Managing these types of relationships is difficult and it is no way your friend’s fault how their boyfriend is treating them. Although we cannot make decisions for our friends, we can remain supportive and understand that they know their relationship best. We would love to offer you and your friend more support on our 24/7 confidential and anonymous support line at (916) 920-2952. If your friend is concerned that their boyfriend will act on their thoughts of suicide, we recommend that they call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or 911 if it is an emergency. 

My old boyfriend is in the military he tried harming himself a couple times the other day and in the process had pushed me and I had to explain that to the cops. The state pressed charges when I said I didn’t want to. He now might be getting dishonorable discharge. How can I prevent this? 

  

I specifically said he didn’t mean to and that it wasn’t assault, I was only worried about his safety for himself. I can’t afford a Lawyer and I’m not sure how to help him fight thisBut since he’s in the military and with everything that has transpired they are looking to send him to prison. 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine how stressful this situation must be, especially when you were only trying to keep your boyfriend from harming himself. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to legal advice and information outside of our scope. I understand that your situation pertains to domestic violence, but our services are catered towards helping survivors who are trying to navigate or escape intimate partner violence. 
My now adult son found the video filmed by my ex on the day I escaped and sent it to a youtube and threatened to send it to associates and friends! He wants his stuff from my house and I have no problem getting it to him! What should I do about the threatening email and video!  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through this experience. I cannot imagine how upsetting and frustrating this must be. You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault for how your son decides to behave.  Unfortunately, WEAVE’s services are geared towards intimate partner violence and this incident is outside of our scope. We recommend contacting “A Community for Peace,” at (916) 728-7210 to receive more support and information on how to handle the situation.

My friend a stay at home mom with 3 young children resides in the state of Washington a no fault state was in an abusive relationship where her and her children was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by an abusive husband. Husband didn’t earn much income to support the family but managed to control the community money. Her parent was affluent. They were kind enough to let them stay at one of their property rent free.  She filed a domestic violence restraining order when he got extremely violent towards her, accusing her having an affair. He threaten to kill her many times throughout the marriage if she cheats on him. He gets extremely jealous and controlling even when a male waiter smiles at her. Small things like that results in big arguments and the husband threaten to kill her if she ever cheated on him on the drive back home with their young children in the car. Make long story short after a long delay due to the pandemic they finally met in court. Despite all the evidence and testimony from the police officer called at the incident that leads to the restraining order, child protective service worker summoned by her husband, and the husband admits hitting the kids. The judge found no signs of sensitivity violence and dismissed the case. The husband and his lawyer assert a claim on her parent’s asset accusing her of hiding assets during the DV hearing. Me and other friends trying to tell her not to give up and try to settle with him. She is clearly dealing with a narcissist that is set to hurt and destroy her at all cost including sacrificing the well being of her children. Especially after gaining the upper hand beating the domestic violence case. What can she do at this point moving forward? How can she defend against frivolous claims he had against her mom’s LLC Just because she was the agent taking care of her family properties they own in America

 

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Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like your friend is going through an extremely hard time. I cannot imagine how frustrating, scary, and anxiety inducing that must have been to have the judge dismiss the case. Your friend and her children do not deserve to be treated that way and I am glad that you are reaching out to be supportive. Although we try to answer all questions to the best of our abilities, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. It seems like there is a lot going on and we recommend that your friend call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233. They will be able to provide more information on how they can move forward and be able to provide resources better suited for their local area 
My daughter is in an abusive relationship and has been for the last 4 years and they have a child together as she calls me repeatedly screaming crying along with my granddaughter screaming he’s beating my mommy. I have picked her up probably about 10 times bring them back to my house gave her anything she wanted so she wouldn’t go back and she always ends up going back. but it keeps getting worse and worse. I tried so many times to get her away from him and she refused to leave she goes back every time and even though she knows it is not good for her nor my granddaughters . and she knows it’s going to end up really bad she will not stay away from him she’s beautiful but he’s got her so down about herself that she doesn’t even fix herself up up anymore what can I do I am so broken-hearted I don’t know if going and picking her up and bring her back every time is the answer but my heart still broke and I just know a stroke is on the way if this continues I just can’t take it no more and it hurts too bad. The police have been called many times but they will not take him to jail because she keeps going back to him please tell me what I can do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you and your family are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine the amount of pain that you have endured and how disheartening it must feel to see your daughter return to her abuser. It can be hard to support those who are experiencing domestic violence and your frustrations are valid. It is normal to become overwhelmed and it makes sense if you need to set boundaries for your own wellbeing. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.  Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous

My ex husband keeps calling the police and child services on me for insignificant things. How can I stop this behavior?  

   

I know he can legally call whenever he wants, but I am a professional and I feel like he is trying to ruin my life. It involves different reasons, but mostly invokes my youngest son who is his dad. We have been divorced for a few years and I remarried. He recently called on my two sons fighting. In which the younger boy started. It’s ridiculous 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you are going through this experience. It must be extremely frustrating to have to deal with law enforcement and child services constantly and without warrant. This situation seems complex, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 

Please, i have no where to turn. My husband and i have 2 kids he’s hasn’t been acting himself he’s so hostile and volitile, he abuses me mentally and verbally andPhysically abuses me. theres holes all over this house i have no where to go my dad just died and g he ridiculed my father who just died in front of my kids who dearly loved yheir papa. I’m awreck. He’s also just obtained his contractors licence he has been screaming at me get out of his house i had to leave the house recently because he locked me out then told our smallest child 5 that i was dead and she’s never going to see me again. He’s awful to my 10 year old she’s not biologically his. He said he’s taking my kids because I’m nothing and he has s business i have nothing i asked him is he on steroids he says no, after leaving today i went searching and found all his drugs, needless ect. He needs help idk where to turn please. 

 

I went to my friends house i had to leave i took my kids but i have to go back their home schooled i have nothing. He says what’s wrong with losing some weight. He’s not normal i have to go back home 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to read that you are going through a difficult time right now. I cannot imagine how exhausting, frightening, and painful it must be to have to constantly deal with that type of behavior. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated that way and it is nobody’s fault for how your husband chooses to act. What you are going through is a lot deal with and it makes sense that you want to leave. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kids. You are the expert on your relationship and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous
My boyfriend was abusing our kitten and I called at him severe time but he wouldn’t stop so I slapped his knee and he hit me. He has hit me on a couple other occasions when he was very mad. What do I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I am sorry that you had to go through this experience and that you had to witness your kitten being abused. That must have been extremely painful and infuriating. You and your kitten do not deserve to be treated that way and are not responsible for your boyfriend’s behavior. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about the safety of you and your kitten. You are the expert on your relationship and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous

1.Why do I keep on going back to my abuser after he has hit me? Am I scared of him or do I care for him?    

2.I told him I called the cops on him and thought that would scare him away but it did not. He told me he will pay bond out and he will only have a misdemeanor. He says he will hit a cop if he has too. Did I increase my chances of danger?  

3.He has a warrant for his arrest and has not been caught. He does not know he has a warrant for his arrest but I told him I called the cops on him. 

4.He still harassing me and I still go see him and answer him even though I called the cops on him.  

5.He seems to not care about going to jail. If I still see him after he gets out of jail did I increase my chances of being killed?  

6.What would happen if I stay with him even after a restraining order of if he does not care about a restraining order?   

7.He just wants to over power me but will he eventually leave me alone and get more jail time if he keeps on testing the waters? 

Thanking you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you are going through this experience, it seems like it has been a lot to deal with and process. I cannot imagine how frustrating and scary this situation must be. There are many reasons why someone might go back to their abuser and this is completely normal. It is not okay that you are being harassed and abused. You do not deserve to be treated this way and you are not to blame for your abuser’s actions. Though being in an abusive relationship is difficult, it is important to think about your safety. You are the expert on your relationship and you get decide what are the best steps for you to take. If you are thinking about leaving, WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous.   

Its been almost a year to the day my ex was sentenced. One year into the restrianing order and he started texting.  

  

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It must be frustrating to have to deal with this. We would love to offer your more support on our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
So I met this guy a while back and we had sex, and I told him not to climax in me because I wasn’t on birth control and he said he did anyway, what do I do ? I don’t have money for plan b. I said no to climaxing in me and he still did. Can he get in trouble for that ?  Thank for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through this experience. It must have been extremely frustrating and scary that this person did not respect your boundaries, especially when you made those boundaries clear. You did not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. This person can be held accountable for their actions, as it falls into the category of sexual assault. Here at WEAVE, we define sexual assault as not only rape; but also, any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. This can be a lot to process, if you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support on our confidential and anonymous 24/7 support line. The support line can be reached at (916) 920-2952 
What is it called when your son gets so upset he put his mother in a chokehold and almost stops her from breathing?  Thank you for reaching out for WEAVE. I am sorry to read that this is happening. No one deserves to be treated this way regardless of how upset the other person feels. I cannot imagine how scary being in this situation must be. To answer your question, this would be considered domestic violence, specifically under family violence. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services for those experiencing intimate partner violence. However, if you are looking for resources or services that help with family violence, we would recommend contacting A Community for Peace’s crisis line at (916) 728-7210. 

Can I sue someone for emotional abuse? I reported my X for a strangulation attack. He was given 1 yr probation as long as there was no other domestic abuse – and had to complete a compulsory 8 mo. Domestic abuse program – this was in 2018.  

He recently smashed my laptop – terrorized me in his home – threw my belongings out the front door – refuses to let me dress – poured vodka over my head while saying he ‘could’ smash the bottle over my head before he let me leave — half dressed — and without my purse that he followed me to give it to me before I drove away.  

He apologized & paid for a replacement laptop the next day.  

  

Can I sue him for emotional distress/abuse? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are going through a rough time. I cannot imagine how scary, exhausting and frustrating it must be to have to deal with that type of behavior. You do not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 
My husband wanted to have sex, I was laying on my side and he reaches around yanking my thigh open. It hurt I screamed. I went to check my thigh crease and it’s red and bleeding. Hes acting like no big deal. It really hurt I cried. Is this abuse? He’s trying to downplay it. Said it’s my fault my thigh was stuck together. It wasn’t both my thighs, it is my crease  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry that you had to go through that experience. I cannot imagine how painful that must have been. You did not deserve to be treated like that and it is not your fault. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We also define sexual assault as any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. What happened to you can be a lot to process. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you additional support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Participating in our services is entirely voluntary, confidential, and anonymous. 
Is it legal when my daughter Left her abusive husband to get away with her 4 yr old and 3 mo baby just for him and his mom to file emergency protected order to get there 3 month old daughter took her back to the small town in Texas put down my 4 yr old granddaughter lied said she will harm baby sister just to gain temp custody. Is it legal for the Judge to not hear my daughter evidence . We are having a hard time my daughter hasn’t seen her now 6 mo baby in a month the Judge signed on an order that was written up by his Attorney her attorney didn’t agree he was in the hospital my daughter didn’t agree either. The judge knows her husband family please help  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry to hear that your daughter and family are going through this difficult time. It must be extremely hard and devastating for you all to not see the children in 6 months. I cannot imagine how painful and frustrating it must have been for your daughter to leave an abusive situation, only to be treated this way. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 

If I have an abusive husband already have a dv case on him .he left home but everything in his name . But he came back and now Is stressing me and my kids out beating on side trailer want leave what are my rights if I call cops. Help I dont know what to do make him leave 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a hard time. How scary and stressful that must be for you and your kids. It must be frustrating that everything is in your abuser’s name and I cannot imagine how this makes your situation that much harder. You do not deserve to be treated like this and you have every right to want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your kids. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952
My partner kicks me out of the house whenever he loses his temper. He locks me out and denies me caring for our infant. He will let me back in only when I apologize for upsetting him and he feels satisfied I have changed my attitude. He used to be physically abusive, but not since I called the sheriff…I didn’t tell them he was physically abusive. Now, he is very careful about that but still continues to throw me out and hold on to our son. Is this legal? Can he do this?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing your story. I am sorry to read that you are experiencing this. No one deserves to be treated like this and nobody deserves to be denied the ability to provide for their infant. How frustrating that must be to have to change your attitude to not upset your partner, it must feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells. Although we try to answer all questions as best as possible, we are not able to provide legal advice through our message board. We can, however, direct you to our legal department, who can provide you with more information. To reach our legal department, you can contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 or by going to our website at https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal 
My husband is verbally and financially abusive how do I get out with my kids?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time. I cannot imagine what you and your children have to go through living in that type of environment. You and your kids do not deserve to be treated like this and you have every right to want to leave. While dealing with an abusive relationship is tough, it is important to think about the safety of yourself and your kids. If you are planning to leave, there are steps you can take to plan for safety. WEAVE has developed a safety plan that you can access by going to the WEAVE website, clicking get help, and then clicking safety planning. If you are comfortable, we would love to offer you more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 
i just sent you a question and i talked to a friend and my kids will be movig in with my friend  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We can only imagine how difficult this decision must have been for you to make. It is incredibly brave of you decide that this is the best option. If you need additional support please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
don’t am a mother who’s has two adult sons that abuse me. Both boys have anger issues the older one is 23 and still living at home . his dad died three years ago and he has been this way for three years. Don’t have meth problems and can not get around to good. The older one is mentaly abusive to me he yells at me and swears at me and has raised his fist at me gets in my face and almost hit me a couple of times. Don’t have not cops here many of time and they cant do anything unless he hits me. He was broken things in anger. The only way to get him out is to file and don’t don’t have the money to do that. The cops say he has a rite to live here . and if he hits me then they will do omething. He has stolen money from me and trashed my house . wont clean up after himself and don’t say annthing he tells me that don’t need to shut up and speak when spoken to and he threatens me. My younger son who is 20 sees this and he two is doing it. He has autism but he knows better . he has pushed me in a chair and kicked it and he has punched me in the back and screams at me seems like the one yells at me and when other gets home from work it is his turn to abuse me. This goes on daily. He too has helped to trash my house and refuse to clean up after himself . tells me my house do it your self . the younger one will come behind me when don’t am at computer and scream in my ear and he will come and push my chair and kick it. They have broken my recliner by kicking and doors have been kicked off and holes in wall the older one does that. Don’t am a fraid of there anger don’t tell them one day they will kill me and not meaning too but cause of anger. The younger one will scream and stop his feet so hard that things fall off the wall. Don’t don’t know what to do. Don’t have called cops and they cant do anything they leave and the kid laugh at me and say your stuck with us. My life is a living hell. Don’t don’t know what to do.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We can only imagine how difficult this would be to go through with your sons. We are so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. It sounds like you are an incredible mother and you do not deserve to be treated this way. You are very strong for enduring everything you have. We are also sorry to hear that you haven’t had the response you need from law enforcement as your safety is an absolute priority. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. You may find it beneficial to contact A Community for Peace which is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. 
I have tried moving out of my single fathers multiple times. Im 21 years old. But once again I find a place to geg away from his emotional abuse on me and manipulation and he threatens me to throw out my stuff when I’m at work. Or the threat that if I say I’m moving he will rakint everything I own including my money and I can earn it back with family love. Im smaller and weaker than him. He gets aggressively violent when i try standing up for myself. Like grabs my arms and throws me down. What should I do? I have no idea how to leave without loosing everything I’ve worked so hard for in college.  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear what you are going through. No one deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma, or threats from another individual. At the age of 21 you have already been through so much. We truly admire your strength. We want you to know that we are here to support you. While it is not our role to tell you what is best in your situation we can connect you to services we feel would be beneficial to your situation. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers counseling, legal, accompaniment, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. 
My boyfriend’s constantly calling me names like wetback, hoe, fat , ugly, old bitch ex…. He’s 25 and I’m 40… He hits me every day…. I find text messages from other women… Why can’t I let him go… Be honest with me please I need to know what’s wrong with me  Hi, thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE for support. We are so sorry to hear about the way you are being treated. You do not deserve to be treated this way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Abusers often use tactics such as emotional abuse as a way to gain power and control over another intimate partner. Emotional abuse can be things such as putdowns/insults, excessive criticism, blaming, manipulation, and gaslighting. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you in your journey, get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. We have many services that may be of help to you, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Did I make a mistake? My 39 year old daughter has been in one abusive relationship after another. As I was in the past. I got fed up because she came to me two times telling me how bad he treats her then turned on me and blamed me for her relationship problems because I texted and asked her if she was back with her psycho abuser. She told me she was done with me etc. I can’t take her turning on me over and over to defend these men. I told her I was done with her too cause I was tired of her B.S. Now I think I made a mistake and have probably left her more isolated. I am afraid this guy and his psycho mother are going to get her killed. She has blocked me and her 19 year old daughter from her phone. She lets this man totally control her but still accuse her of wanting to be with other guys constantly. He doesn’t want her to work. Doesn’t want her to live with him. Doesn’t want her to go home and take care of her 14 year old son. Wants her over his house where his crazy mother lives with him. I just don’t know what to do anymore.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services. It sounds like there is a lot going on right now. It can be hard to support friends and family who are experiencing domestic violence and it makes sense why you wanted to establish boundaries with your daughter. It is normal to become frustrated and overwhelmed with the situation. I cannot imagine how hurtful it must have been to be blamed for what is happening. Managing an abusive relationship is difficult and scary and it is no way yours or your daughters’ fault for the abuse that has occurred. Although we cannot make choices for survivors, we can remain supportive and understand that the survivor knows their relationship best. There is resource page on safety planning geared for family, friends and co-workers that can be beneficial to look over. You can access the page by going to the WEAVE website and clicking get help, and then safety planning. We can also offer more support and information on our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 T 
I have a fat (black and blue lip), and a torn shirt from my boyfriend that i live with. He was high and i get that but i have phsyical bruises and he blames me because i coudnt get the new car radio( I BOUGHT) to connect to bluetooth. He fought with me, threw my phone at me mutiple times then threw a ball in my face (causing a fat black and blue lip), as well as breaking my phone. I thougth it was just a one time thing but hes given me a black eye before. I love him. What can i do to help  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE services and sharing your story. I can see from your message that you are going through a difficult time and I am sorry that you are experiencing this with your boyfriend. No one deserves to be treated like this and it is no way your fault. Managing a relationship is hard and it makes sense to want to help those that we love. Though we cannot change the actions of others, it is important to think about how to stay safe. You are the expert on your relationship and you get to decide what steps to take. We would love to provide further support on our anonymous and confidential, 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952. 
Where do I go to file a grievance about WEAVE services? As a result of the COVID 19 pandemic, WEAVE’s grievance process has been adapted to meet the Sacramento County health directive and any grievance or concern should be submitted via email. You may submit your concerns to info@weaveinc.org. Your email will be forwarded to the appropriate Chief Program Officer who will follow up to speak with you. Please ensure the email is sent from a secure account from which it is safe for a WEAVE employee to respond to.

If two partners are cursing each other, & one partner says go & look at the abusive messages I have send you, since you want to perform rudeness, maybe you will choose to call 911 or commit suicide. 

 

Is that a criminal offense and a chargeable offense? 

Hello, thank you so much for reaching out to us. That is a lot to go through. Unfortunately, that is a question that would require the expertise of a legal advocate. In order to reach our legal department, please reach us at our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 where you will be referred to our legal department. 
Should I attend my son’s wedding even though he verbally attacked me through a text message?  Hi there, thank you so much for reaching out. I’m so sorry this happened to you. However you are feeling right now and wanting to do is justified. No one can blame you for wanting to go or for not wanting to go. You are entitled to attend or not to attend if you don’t want to. I hope that was helpful. I would love to provide you further emotional support on our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 
After fighting my ex-husband in court about false allegations of drug use (which were found to be unsubstantiated), I don’t have the money or inclination to fight him over his latest allegation of assault. He has primary custody of our 14 yo daughter and has gaslighted her into believing I am “guilty” and a bad person. Just yesterday, while at my house during my scheduled visitation she called the police and lied to them saying I was threatening to commit suicide — she doesn’t want to spend time with me anyway. I will not force her to spend time with me b/c I cannot trust her. Here father will support her and back her up. My hands are tied. I have told my daughter that I will not force visitation and that she should reach out to me if/when she wants contact. How should I legally protect myself since our custody agreement states that I have my daughter every other weekend? 

Hello, 

  

It sounds like you are going through a difficult situation and looking for legal advice. You can call the WEAVE legal department to ask about your existing custody agreement. The legal department may be able to give you suggestions or guide you on available solutions. You can access WEAVE legal information here: https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal You can also call the 24 information and support line to speak to an advocate. 

Hi, I am from Ireland & realise laws may differ. Basically myself & my 2 children (then ages 5 & 9) left my Husband with a barring order over 3 years ago, initially he took me to court on numerous amounts in the first year claiming he was unfairly penalised. Social workers were involved children interviewed as there was significant physical violence but I was to scared to go to Garda as they would only come and leave ( too risky), even my own doctor when I decided to leave immediately put her hands up & said mention abuse & she would have to call Authorities immediately. Therefore with the help of the Domestic Violence team, we got out safely ( it was hard & scary). In his court appearances he blamed me, said I was mentally unstable, fabricated that I was on Prescription drugs ( my doctors proved this wrong), the judge ordered a Guardian and Litem and her report concluded that I gain full guardianship of the children, he to attend anger management, psychological review and Parenting classes, then he has supervised access and after a year he was granted access to have the kids every 2nd weekend and periods over their school holidays. As it stands, he cannot come within a 40km radius of us without prior agreement and drop off/pick up points are in the same location where cameras are present. Finally, he has forwarded a reply regarding judicial separation and again he is back to disputing as he did back 3 years ago, do we need to go through this process again, I’m simply looking for a Divorce, sale of house we share a mortage with and move on with our lives 

Hello, 

  

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you and your children have experienced a difficult time. I am really sorry this issue is coming up again. It is a common tactic for abusive partners. First of all, You are correct! Laws are different for each city, county, municipality, state, country, etc. If you are in Sacramento, California, you can call the WEAVE 24 hour information and support line to speak to one of our trained advocates. They can connect you with our legal department. You can take a look at our legal services here: https://www.weaveinc.org/weave-legal . If you are not in the Sacramento, CA area you can look at your local resources, law library or your local domestic violence agency.

My husband has been to jail before for choking me and punching me in the head. He was put on 5 year probation. He just did this again in front of someone else and they called the cops. He left before they got there and we made the report. It’s been over a few months and I am just wondering how long if ever are the police going to do anything?  Hi, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE and sharing with us. We are so sorry you’re going through this. We would love to support you but unfortunately, the question you have sounds like it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. In order to reach one of our legal advocates, please contact our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 number where you will be referred to our legal department 
I was in a controlling extremely toxic relationship for almost 6 years, moved mine and my oldest daughter to his home when I was expected our first child together, things became very sour fast as I nocticed a different side in conflict he would kick us out if I didn’t follow his “ veiws” I became verbally abusive to the gaslighting and guilt trips we have a child with asd and he denied she had it in beginning telling it’s in your head , you don’t know ur daughter or yourself. Stuff was easily manipulated on me I’ve given him tons n tons of chances he always wanted our child stay there in his house after I wanted move back home he know has been using court phone calls with child to provoke doing odd things cutting her cut denying it . He wants be look unstable but it’s not case n my daughter who is 4 now is doing great in school, past summer after trying to work together the crazy making /fog I was sick of so I told him stay away I then got papers/afadavit and it appears I try alienated him when he was purposely trying sabotage me his oldest son his mother committed suicide now I’m putting pieces together all I wanted was him acknowledge our child’s autism and follow strict routine for her she comes back haywire from a do what u want life n it makes harder on her n me. I’m worried judge doesn’t see whole part n only sees his fake exterior it’s nightmare  Thank you for contacting WEAVE  with your story. It sounds like there is a lot going on and you could use someone to talk to process what you are going through. You can access our counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays between 11-1pm or Wednesdays between 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. An advocate can also go over the services available to you and additional resources that may be beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for these additional services and/or emotional support 
So I visited my bf at night and he was drinking. My friend joined me so he would not get aggressive, she pretended to be drunk to avoid conflict. When he thought she was asleep he aggressively confronted me about what we were doing that night, next thing i know he has me on the floor choking me. My friend gets up and starts hitting him on his back with car keys and i am able to kick him off. Then his mother comes in and tells my friend to get out. She is waiting outside the house, meanwhile he is holding me by the wrists really hard and I still can not move one of them. I finally gather my things and his mother says I am culpable because I made him bleed with the kick and need to leave her house. I am furious that she stood by and watched the abuse, and join my friend at the door. My friend was yelling at the mom to get her son or do something the whole time. He laughs at us as we walk down the driveway. We key his car on the way to my car. Now he is sending me an estimate of $2000 for the “damage.” He knows my upcoming refund is for my next semester, and wants me to give pay him as soon as I receive it. I am scared he will show up at my house as he has before, and do something to my mom’s property, which has also done before. I feel like my only option is to pay him so I never have to hear from him again. What can I do?  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately this sounds like it falls under a legal question, and unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards however you have options please contact our 24 hour support line to discuss them at (916) 920-2952.

 I’m in a marriage since 1975 I’m 63 yrs old and he used to physically and emotionally abuse. Now older the mental abuse keeps getting worse I was abused by my mom as a kid and he knows how I feel about that she is deceased now but he constantly calls me marilyn which was her name for me this feels awful because to be like her well I could not live with self he knows this. He never hears what I’m actually saying he twists it all around and swears I have a tone at times he dont like and says I said things I did not. He also says I’m on him all the time abusing him tells me I need help. Tells me I’m a user a c word a looser who never accomplished any success which is far from truth as I have succeeded in many things in my life. He tells my I’m sick. Fat I’m not fat either just not skinny. He tells me hair looks good then cuts it down with comments. My daughter 42 yrs old is living here for 2 yrs now we helped her get help for serious drug problems. She literally now repeats things he says but when he isnt around she agrees he is wrong I’m in a very odd situation here if I leave I have nowhere to go but my car to live in I’m disabled now. His moods are like diff at times I never know what’s co.ing next I can have no opinion he tells me to stfu. 

His eyes are scary and empty towards me how can I get out of this without having to leave my home he says I can and I can have my car that’s it. And if I take anything else he will have car turned off so I cant drive it by missing the next payment which isnt very many more. Its christmas but he keeps saying I’m ruining christmas and he will never forgive me I feel like he is crazy. Yet he tells me I am and tells everyone I am. After 6 hours I came home cause I had no money and nowhere to go and gas was low

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of emotional abuse and gas lighting, and I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I want you to know that you are not alone, and it is not uncommon for an abuser to do something like this. If you need anything at all you can reach out to our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for more support. We can provide you with resources you might be needing at this time, or just someone to talk to. 
If I share a child with a man that abuses me. Will I lose custody?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services if you are in Sacramento.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). 

My boyfriend has an anger problem that has only gotten worse throughout our three years of dating. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. He is extremely liked by everybody and nobody knows this happens so I don’t know who I could ever go to. I also recently moved 16 hours away from home with him because he is in the military so it is just us living together. 

  

He has always done really awful things when we have argued – whether that be mocking my face, calling me names, yelling at me, throwing things around me, etc. As far as deescalating the situation, nothing seems to work when he gets like this. I used to argue back but that only made things worse, sometimes I will cry or walk away which doesn’t help either. 

  

I also have a part to play in this. I was in a very toxic, abusive relationship before him which has made me a little paranoid in this relationship. On top of that, my current boyfriend has problems with lying to me. He has lied to me more times than I can count. What happened tonight was I caught him in a lie from weeks ago, and instantly after catching him in this lie he made everything my fault. He started yelling at me, cussing, throwing things around me, getting in my face, following me when I walked away. He told me he hates me, I’m controlling/suffocating, etc. 

  

This is honestly the worst it has ever gotten. I’m not sure what to do- besides the obvious is to leave him but I know I have a role in this too. Can you please give me some advice? 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE , we are sorry that you are going through this. We understand how upsetting and confusing this can be and want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to deal with this on your own, especially after moving away from home  where you are removed from your community of support.  Ultimately, it is your choice as to what you decide to do from here on out. I can’t give you advice for that reason, but I can definitely give you some options you can choose from. Counseling is always something we recommend regardless of the choice you decide to make, it can be very useful and helps with processing your current situation, especially since you are far away from home. Another resource you can utilize is calling a support line in your area to utilize any local resource that you might need at this time. If you need assistance with that you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline, they can refer you to any local resource you might need 

800-799-7233- English-    

800-942-6908- Spanish      

 

Or if you are in the Sacramento area you can reach out to our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for more support.  

I am so sorry you are experiencing this with your partner, but I want you to know that you are not alone in this and there are resources out there that can help you during this time.    

My partner whom we were living together has been arrested for felony domestic violence. There are three charges pending in the case. I still am recovering from my injuries (very Lucky and grateful). This intervention and prolonged court dates has me wondering about my partner and if he is facing a serious length of time in jail. His record prior is just DUIs and i feel like I want to visit him in jail but there is a protective order against him that the court has filed. Can I go to see him at visitation? 

Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and recovering from your injuries. If I am understanding your question correctly, you are stating that there is a restraining order against your partner, and you would like to visit him in jail. If this is the case, due to the nature of the situation I would recommend you seek legal counsel before attempting to visit your partner. Here at WEAVE we provide legal services if you are located in the Sacramento area. For more information on how to access our legal services, or if you are not in the Sacramento area and would like assistance in looking for legal counsel, I encourage you to call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. We are always glad to refer you to other resources if we as an agency are not able to help. If you feel like reaching out to someone just for emotional support our Support Line is also available for that as well, or if counseling is something you think you might be interested in  WEAVE offers counseling services for people who are experiencing what you are. You can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate individual counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times: 

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm 

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm 

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm 

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

I am in a emotional abusive relationship with my husband. He is an alcoholic and abuses me drunk or not. I know that I have to leave for my own well being. I am attending group counseling at Weave, but I feel I need more help. 

Though I may not show it but I am very broken inside. Years and years of abuse and keeping everything bottled up is really getting to me. I know I need extra help. Like a 1 on 1 therapy. How do I go about getting this kind of help. My first husband was also very abusive. He used to beat me, rape me and body shame me almost on a daily basis. After 8 years of abusive I ended up in the hospital, then floodgate of help came to me. At that time WEAVE came to my assistance and really helped me. Now I have been married to this guy for 30 years. Though everything was ok for the first 10 years or so then things begin to change. Emotional abuse, body shaming, belittling. Think, no, I know that I have begun to believe him that I cannot live without him. If I leave I will come crawling back to him. Another part of my brain is screaming that this is his way of keeping me in his control, under his thumb. Please help. I want a divorce, but I now know that I need help with my self sabotage before I can think of divorce. Sorry to have written so much. Any advise or help you give me will be very appreciated. 

Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE for support. I am so sorry you have experienced abuse for many years, but I am also proud of you for taking a step forward in a positive direction. Sometimes it is hard to admit that we can have some self sabotaging qualities that won’t allow us to move forward. It sounds like you are already on the right track to looking for extra support from us. WEAVE offers counseling services for people who are experiencing what you are. I will provide you with the information you need to start individual counseling services. you can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate individual counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times: 

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm 

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm 

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm 

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm 

At least twice a month my child’s father/boyfriend beats me up so bad I can hardly breath. He never hits my in the face because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he does to me (he’s never actually said that but I know that’s why.) he pushes my face, holds me on the ground while he repeatedly jumps up and down on my chest so I can’t breath shouting “get off of me” when all I ever do is try so unbelievably hard to get him away from me… pulls my hair out, body slams my on the ground. Calls me every name you can possibly think of. I’m fat, I’m a bitch, I’m a whore, nobody likes me not even our kids. He lets me know daily that it’s my fault my son can’t talk because he has autism, how horrible of a mom I am.. so many other things he does to me… I sit and cry in silence every chance I get because I hate the life I live for me and my kids. Why do I let him do this to me, why can’t I call the cops, why can’t I leave him… I wouldnt even go to the hospital when He hurts me past the point I know that I’m hurt even with my adrenaline, because I don’t want them to ask me what happened.. I’m so stupid and there’s nothing I can think of that will benefit me from leaving, I won’t have a babysitter to go to work, I won’t have money, I won’t have a house… I will have nothing… I can’t tell my friends because I have before and they all told my parents, I don’t want me parents to know because they’ll stop talking to me because I can’t seem to leave him… I guess I don’t need advice or help because I won’t take it… I just wanted to get this off of my chest and tell someone anonymously so no one will know it’s me…  Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this abuse, and thank you for choosing us to disclose something that sounds like you really needed to get off your chest. Here at WEAVE we like to encourage people to make their own choices when it comes to these situations because ultimately you are the expert of your own life. Although you have already made up your mind about not receiving advice or help from anyone, I want to provide you with our 24/7 Support and Information line, which is completely confidential. That means anything you say to the advocate is between you and the advocate only. Our Support and Information number is 916-920-2952. I would also like to put out there that when experiencing domestic violence, you are not the only one affected emotionally and mentally by the situation. Children are really good at reading and evaluating their surroundings, so it might do you well to get counseling services for you and your children to help with processing the situation. Here at WEAVE we offer counseling for families who are experiencing DV, and like I mentioned we don’t encourage our clients to leave their abusers, we just want to be there to support in any way that we can. You can get more information on how to get counseling services by reaching out to us at our Support and Information number as well. I also want to leave you with this link to safety planning, because in the event that the situation gets worse you want to be prepared. https://www.weaveinc.org/post/safety-planning-0. Most importantly I want to remind you that if at any point you feel like your life or your children’s life is in danger you can call 911.
My husband put a lying order protection on me and gave away my personal belongings without my permission I am very upset. What can I sue him on he put order on me becacause he got a gun charge  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. First of all, I’m so sorry you are experiencing something like this. Nobody deserves to get their possessions taken and given away without their permission.  It sounds to me like you are in need of some legal guidance or assistance.  Unfortunately at this time I am not able to answer legal questions, but I can direct you to our 24-hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 to speak to one of our advocates. They will be able to provide you with legal resources and direct you in right direction. 
My daughter, grandchildren and husband live with me. My daughter’s husband pushed her and said she was stupid and incompetent. Also hit her. Can I have charges brought up against him? I am scared it will get worse and he will seriously hurt or kill her and my grandchildren I think will end up getting hurt too  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Ultimately it is up to your daughter whether or not you guys would like law enforcement to be involved due to the fact that doing so can put her at risk if he is as dangerous as you described and there is a possibility of retaliation. Theoretically you could have charges brought up against him if you wish to do so, but I think it is important to do some safety planning beforehand, so in the event that he does retaliate your daughter and her children are safe and away from him. This can include a number of things such as getting a restraining order, or looking for a safehouse. I encourage you to call WEAVE’s 24/7 anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate who would be glad to speak with you and/or offer you additional resources and information. The number is 916-920-2952
My husband and I were in a fight he was yelling in my face and I felt cornered so I slapped him. Following that he took my fingers and twisted I think one is broken. please advise as what this would be qualified as  Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE, If you are asking for what your situation falls under, here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. The definition of an intimate partner can include a spouse, or relative that you either have lived with or have been in a relationship with in the past or currently.  Abuse can take on different forms such as emotional, physical, financial, sexual or spiritual. If this is a pattern or definition you can identify with then what you are experiencing might be domestic violence. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of services, so if you would like more information , please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)

How can I get help before he is released I AM IN FEAR FOR MY LIFE!!!!!!!! He will and he will murder me. When he is released from prison!

Thank you for your reaching out to WEAVe with question. It sounds like you are in crisis and fear for your safety. If you are in immediate danger always call 911. Feel free to call our 24-hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 to speak to one of our advocates. The advocate can speak to you about safety planning and guide you to additional resources.  The sooner you call, the more time you will have to create a safety plan. You can look at safety planning ideas here: https://www.weaveinc.org/sites/main/files/file-attachments/safety_planning_2016_update_for_survivors.pdf?1481230305  You can also call the DA’s office where your abusive partner was convicted and you can ask to speak to one of the DA’s victim advocates. They may be able to help get you information on their conditions of release. If you have relocated and they don’t have your new address, you can make an appointment with an enrolling agency and the Safe At Home program will keep your new address confidential https://www.sos.ca.gov/registries/safe-home/applicants/  If you have a Domestic Violence Restraining order or a Criminal Protective Order in place, make sure to keep the documents with you and report any violations to your local law enforcement agency. You can also tell your work, friends, and family of the release from custody and remind them of the conditions of the restraining order. I am sorry you are going through this. Often times it is difficult for victims/survivors when their partner is close to being released from prison or jail. You are not alone. WEAVE is here to help you when you are ready.

Hello, my boyfriend of two years just told me that he feels if he doesn’t “shut himself down” he would get violent in a way of breaking things but not violent towards me? i just need help understanding what this means.

Hey there, Thank you for reaching out with WEAVE with your question. Although honesty is important in any relationship, the information your partner shared about “being violent and breaking things” sounds alarming. To me, it sounds like there are moments in where he cannot control himself or his actions. Although your partner may not want to hurt you, when someone is not in control of themselves breaking things and being violent around you can cause harm emotionally and sometimes physically (for instance, if he broke something it shattered and its fragments cut you).  When/if this occurs it’s important for you to consider your safety. You can look up ideas for your personal safety plan at  https://www.weaveinc.org/post/safety-planning-0. You can also call our support and information line 24 hours a day at 916-902-2952, if you want to discuss this further, need community resources, or emotional support. If your boyfriend is willing to talk to someone about this, you can refer him to Batterers Intervention Programs that are available across the county. They can help him process his behavior/emotions and create strategies so that he doesn’t have to act out violently. It’s important that you know you don’t deserve any violence around you or toward you. WEAVE is here to help you when you are ready.
My husband knew I started a facebook group message with my friends and family after visiting the state Capitol in support of a vaccine bill to protect children. A friend of mine posted a poem. He viciously attacked her character, called her names and insults. The people in this group message were my whole message list containing my parents, my children, my nieces and nephews and my husbands sisters, mother, his underage girl cousin – he spoke directly to my MIL right after posting a photo of his penis, saying everyone would suffer since he had to read this shit poem.  I had left the group myself and could not see what was on there from the point I asked people to support the vaccine bill. There were two underage children in the group, but left before the photos were posted, but my elderly great aunt who’s husband is a minister saw it, as well as Kayla, who is a sweet school teacher and all of these people, were my precious friends and family. My husband left after this happened, showed zero remorse, and I moved out after forming a shock, that made me lose a job and now have PTSD. He put a tracking device on my phone. His friend threatened to kill me. His family knows but also are giving me the silent treatment. No one has apologised. When I found the tracking device I found he was logged into my phone on a hidden facebook app. I am a nurse so I don’t go on facebook during work hours. He was able to track me this way, I have screenshots of all of this, where he admits everything. He is in and out of jail as an alcoholic and has a pattern of lying in court, manipulation. But he wears a masks and hides his rage. He attacked me before he left me and I was scared to call police. I am now safe away from him but I want to protect others from him. He showed no remorse, even doubling down on his actions and threats to harm my family with genital photos of himself and me. [Edited for content]
 
Thank you so much for reaching out to us for help. It seems like a very difficult situation to be going through and I can tell that you are really concerned about your husband’s actions affecting others in the future. It must have been very frightening for you to see him doing such a thing, and exposing all your loved ones to the situation does not make it easier. It sounds like you could use some additional support from an advocate, so I encourage you to connect with us by calling our 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 so we are able to get more clarification and refer you to the proper resources. 
My husband is very educated (Ph D in Nuclear Physics) but has been unable to keep a job. In fact he did not even get a job since 2001. He tried to create a start-up without a lot of ideas on what he is doing and that start-up did not get any traction.He now thinks he is creating a huge cluster of projects and will be a multi billionaire and there is no fact to it. He lives in an imaginary world and verbally abuses me all the time. Now he is threatening to kill me and people if things do not go his way. I am the only earner and he has racked up a huge credit card debt. I am not sure if I can afford to divorce without huge financial impact, but I am scared of physical harm he may do. What are my options. House is in bot of our names, still has a mortgage of $300,000. Cars are paid off. About $55000 of credit card debt working towards reducing, but he tries to rack it up all the time. No kids Hello, and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. I’m sorry to hear that you are experiencing this with your spouse, financial abuse is also a form of domestic violence, and nobody deserves to be taken advantage of like this. It sounds to me like you could use litigation assistance. You can access our legal services through our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 if you are residing in the Sacramento County. If you are not in the Sacramento County please call us anyway so we can direct you to the appropriate resources in your area. Thank you for your courage to ask for help. Please remember you are not alone
In the past my boyfriend threatened to wire the house and talked about the people in the bushes. This was right before people started breaking into my home and my computer. This situation has been escalating for years now. I am sure there is spyware on my computer and that people in my neighborhood are participating in ruining this relationship. I would leave here but I have health issues that aren’t being addressed by my doctors which leaves me disabled but undiagnosed and unable to work. Meanwhile I have my boyfriend treating me badly (emotional abuse) and using the neighbors to continue with the abuse. I have actually had to endure my neighbors screaming at my house to get a job, that I am not sick, and that I should kill myself (one of them works for the Coast Guard). My boyfriend has threatened me that this abuse will not stop if I leave him. He has stated that this will continue no matter where I go. How can I possibly get out of this situation and for the police to acknowledge what is missing from my home? Can you get a restraining order against an entertainment company and an entire neighborhood? I just want all of this to stop so I can at least have a chance at getting healthy [edited for length  Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE. I’m really sorry to hear that you are suffering from this abuse at the hands of someone you love. You don’t deserve that and you deserve to feel safe at all times, especially in your home. You can call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 and an advocate can provide you with legal referrals that may help you and provide you with the information you need. If you are also interested in counseling services to help with processing your situation we also offer counseling services as well, just ask for more information when you reach our Support and Information line. Wishing you the best of luck
Was married 20 yrs to a cheater, I left for a break with kids. He didn’t want me back within a week found another. An attorney felt sorry for me, I have MS. In desperation I found another husband he is 100x worse MAJOR BELITTLING ETC. Sober now, better. QUES I cant get alimony from 1st h back, I can’t live on disability with 2 teenagers, I have zero fam support, Multiple Sclerosis for 32 yrs. Child support will end in 2 yrs that leaves me disabled 2 teenagers with 800 a month to live on?? Minus health insurance. I guess when people ask y women stay with MS and 2 kids this is y. I’m NOT in danger of physical abuse, neither r any children. Trapped mental verbal abuse yes. I only wanted advice. I don’t have girlfriends either? Are there healthy resources available?  Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry for everything you have been experiencing, it sounds like an overwhelming situation from which you could probably use some counseling to process what you are going through. If you are interested, Weave does offer an intimate partner violence support group that covers a range of topics pertaining to domestic violence as well as individual counseling services. To get started you would need to attend a free triage assessment Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you have any questions or need further assistance please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952 so we can get more specific as to what other resources you might need.

The man I was with for 11 years . 3 years ago we broke up and during our break up I asked her if he wanted to have sex it started out consensual then got ugly . he was saying I’m going to hurt you like you ! then he got off me watched me cry and he said that’s what you get ..was this rape ? We are now separated but this was a root of our break up years later because I held this in and got back with this monster [Edited for content]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Anytime someone has sexual contact with you without your full consent it is an assault, and stealthing is one of them.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. It is your story and your decision to tell your fiance. You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident – WEAVE offers free counseling for sexual assault survivors. You can talk to an advocate and learn more by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. 
So long story, hopefully short, we have been together 15 yrs, she has started doing some illegal things that risked everything including my job and freedom. I couldn’t let it go, that was my breaking point in the relationship, so I asked her to break up and be friends. She didn’t think the same and made threats that one of us wouldnt walk out of the house, that she was going to claw my face off, and that even though I want out, that’s just too bad. We aren’t breaking up, and I don’t have a choice. The last part really hurt me, as I think we all have the choice. I have already made plans to go to work, and then just go to my folks home and stay with them without giving her the chance to object. Thanks and hope that anyone who is going through the same makes it. We have a choice.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
Me and my boyfriend have been together for six years. And have been thru so many ups and downs in such a short amount of time. We lost our first daughter at 39 weeks due to the cord being around her neck. It sent me into a very deep depression for years. My boyfriend wasn’t sure what to do so he was distant. He would try sometimes but didn’t know how to help me. So we became angry with each other not knowing how to fix it. Like an idiot I decided to leave him because I was fed up and I began dating someone else. I realized that I was an idiot and that isn’t what I wanted. I wanted my family. He asked for me back but could never get over the fact of what I did and one night he had been drinking and so had . We started grabbing at each other and he got thrown in jail for second degree domestic V. We’re both idiots! All of this had made us open up our eyes and realize how stupid could we be? We thought life was rough… but we just made it ten times harder ok ourselves. And our children. How can I fix this? I was mad and pressed charges and that’s not what I want! But at this point I don’t have a choice. Help me please what can I do?  Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE. This sound like a difficult time for you and your partner, and I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing regret and confusion over this matter. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so that we can assess the situation further and refer you to the appropriate resource. I’m glad you found a way to connect to us and hope we can be of further assistance when you’re able to connect.   
I left my ex partner of 13 years as hes severely jealous and paranoid since that I’ve had months of verbal abuse threats turning up to the house smashing my car up which has happened twice. I’m still getting threats hes going to do things to me my home we have two children together. He was issued a restraining order not to contact me or attend my address social services said he cant see children until hes been assessed he is now on the run from police has 3 warrants out for him but still persists in making threats police cant find him not sure what to do  Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you to worry about the safety of yourself and your children. WEAVE offers an array of services which includes emergency shelter, legal help and counseling that is available to victims of domestic violence. If you need any more information on our safe house, please call our 24/7 support and information line (916) 920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) so they can refer you to local safehouse shelters in your area. 
Hi me & my ex husband just divorced & I was staying at my house & he was staying at his mom’s he would allway say it was not liveable but still stayed there well one day he came to the house & I was just scared of him & we were outside couse he put locks on the fence & could not go in so as he came buy I pick up a brick becouse I was scared of him so his fried recorded it & now he call cops that I was gonna hit him with it so now it’s family violance he put on me so it happen my address & now what if he come by what ! Scared I might to jail. Please help what should I do I caint be 200 feet from him or go to resedents that he has now I want to go back to my house but scared he might call cops don’t know where to go! Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 
My husband is in the military and we live on a military installation. This isn’t the first time he’s been physically violent towards me, but it is the 1st time I reported it because I just had a baby and…I don’t know. Something came over me and I finally decided to call. Yesterday I called the MPs because we had gotten into an argument and he started yelling at me while holding our 2 month old daughter. They showed up, handcuffed him and took him into custody. Then 10 minutes later after the medical team was done assessing me, they handcuffed me and took me into the station. I had a neighbor watch my daughter.
Earlier that day my husband had threatened to shoot me with his gun, so in the middle of me trying to get my daughter, I noticed that he had one of his hunting / pocket knives in his pocket. It was folded up. I grabbed it out of his pocket so he wouldn’t be able to use it. After he took our daughter upstairs, I hid the knife underneath the dog bed. At the time I had no intention of calling the authorities and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen but I didn’t want him to have access to that knife again so that’s why I hid it. I never opened it up, but while I was on the phone with the dispatcher, he kept yelling in the background that I had pulled a knife on him. So I think that’s why I was taken into custody. But like I said, I never opened it up. I just grabbed it from his pocket so that he couldn’t use it on me.
I was able to go home a few hours later but I was charged with Domestic Violence and child endagerment and I have to go to court a pay fees. I don’t understand why.  I was a nanny and a Sunday School teacher for years and now I’m worried that this will be on my permanent record and I won’t be able to work with children in the future and I’m scared that my daughter could be taken from me. I’m not sure why as the victim I’m getting punished. It made me feel like I made a mistake for reporting it. I don’t know what to do. [Edited for length and content]
Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. This sounds like it may be under military jurisdiction and contacting the law enforcement on base may be an option. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal services– 916.920.2952.
I was verbally abused/ name-called and threatened (once) by my partner (male). The first blow up happened after he had a nervous breakdown 2 months ago and the last fight was a few days ago. I took it seriously as my father is a wife-beater and I know some of the red flags. I confronted my partner about the name-calling and asked him to not do it, but he said that if I “don’t want the screaming and the profanity”, I should “watch myself in the future” (verbatim). That “if I can’t guarantee it, he can’t either”. And “if he repeats it, I’ll only have myself to blame”. I don’t know if this will escalate or I should do something to salvage what is left. I speak with my friends but I would prefer to have real guidance. Thank you. [Edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
I have been hiding from my abusive husband for over 10 years. I want to divorce him but don’t want him to find me. I can’t afford anything but want his name off mine. We married in SC, I have been recovering and live in Ky. Please help me with my therapy and close this terrific unfinished nightmare. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
Why am I not allowed a contradictory though or opinion. I have a drink and. It makes me mouthy and oppionated, I know I say horrible things but it is from keeping everything inside. Drink makes me brave. He has just been violent and hurt me. Bruises already showing. He said sorry but it was my fault because I said he was a control freak. Life on my own scares me. I suffer with depression and know it has made our relationship hard. I feel it is all my fault and that is what he tells me. Am I totally mad or a complete psycho. He really hurt me physically. I scared and he says it my fault……is it. Am I the bad guy??? I just need to talk this through and see if he is right and it is my fault Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).

How to deal with emotional abuse when you have no one to turn to, it’s like power and control and that’s what he has and he has me where he wants me.but I want to make it clear to him that I’m nobody’s property Im not a child I can do whatever I want basically how to get him to realize that u have had enough?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I have an eviction on my record due to leaving an abusive situation. Can weave help me get the eviction off my record so I can leave an alternate living place?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to make sure you get the support you need in this area. We are so sorry that you have not been getting the response you need from law enforcement with this matter. We may have some resources that may be of help to you with this situation, such as legal eviction support. Please call  our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss this situation further and we will connect you to the appropriate resources. 

I want out of a relationship and because I don’t want to be with him he wants to take my daughter from me and make it a huge fight. What should I do? It not a physical domestic violence its more of a mental.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I slapped my boyfriend first because he was in my face yelling(CPTSD) . He grabbed me by the shirt and threw me across the room. I hit my head(I’ve had 3 brain surgeries) and I’ve now started having seizures again(I got a TBI due to a different domestic violence incident years ago). I don’t know how to feel because I hit him first. What do you think?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

Help. My boyfriend is harrassing me and he’s high on Meth he called the police 24 times and my landlord said no more police so I have” by called but they did not arrest him even though he’s abused me before and broke my foot.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services and Safehouse program, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I suffered in an abusive relationship for for almost 20 years. I am now out of that relationship and have found an amazing spouse and we have a beautiful daughter. I had thought that that part of my life was over. Recently my abuser contacted me. It has spread a debilitating fear through my life and I feel like I am spiraling out of control. I do not have insurance and can’t afford therapy so I feel like I am just trying to keep my head above water while floating closer and closer to a cliff. I just don’t know how to get my real life back. How do I stop reliving all of the trauma? How do I stop being triggered?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so happy to hear you are no longer in an abusive relationship and you are now a survivor. Trauma can last for a long time or even when you are in a new romantic relationship and it can be hard to navigate if you don’t have the right tools and support. One of those tools can be counseling, did you receive counseling after you left your abusive ex? If you did or not, it’s never too late to start counseling services again.  Here at WEAVE we offer counseling services to survivors of domestic violence, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about our counseling services.

I over heard my co-worker talking about hurting there adopted daughter. I see the little girl with bruses, and hear her crying many many nights. I am scared that something might happen to this girl and don’t want it to be on my conscious for not speaking out for her. I am in fear for this girl’s life

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. You might want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your coworker’s adopted child, their number is 916-875-5437. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I was married to a police officer for 15 years I am physically damaged and now physically disabled I left him and ran for my life with my only child and took relocation from the Florida Attorney General’s office they gave me $1,500 to relocate and start my life over I was bloodied everything in my apartment was broken and was always swept under the rug cuz it was that good old boy police thing I am so damaged it’s now 2019 we divorced in 2004 after he used judges that he knew and that his sister was their assistant to steal my daughter from North Carolina where I already won custody I couldn’t afford a lawyer so I was my own lawyer while his parents had several lawyers in both States hired for him in North Carolina I did get a court-appointed lawyer that was awesome that’s why I won custody his first visitation he took my daughter basically kidnapped her no one helped me it’s 2019 I now have seizures because I guess if the choking out here he always went for my throat it’s done some type of damage to a blood vessel in the right side of my brain I suffer in pain everyday I have been diagnosed with PTSD from several different psychiatrist in doctors throughout Florida North Carolina he continues to victimize me today. In 2004 he won custody in our divorce he lost his criminal justice certification in the State of Florida for a positive cocaine test I was denied any evidence or Witnesses I’m not a lawyer they that Court and the judges I was told by a judge after having injuries and Witnesses I have no idea who they were they called the police for me signed statements they arrested him it was another another city I’m suffering more than I probably did I’ve never been able to let my voice be heard and he’s never been punished the judge didn’t even give me half of his penchant he was trying to get alimony from me I had a great career he’s destroyed my life and I want to know if his Police Department that he worked for which is obviously no longer police officer and can I sue the county the court system is in I can’t seem to get my life back together again I I’ve tried everything I have a business plan in the future and it’s a wonderful plan and it’s a way I can earn a living and also give to this cause and a charitable way and educate Law Enforcement Officers by telling my story and educating them on what to look for I need someone to help me I need punishment I need something I feel like I’m getting all the punishment for marrying and I’m sticking it out of them as I did I’ve never been able to close it he still get at me through my daughter my daughter he’s got my daughter hating my guts I can’t have a relationship with her she’s dangerous for me too and she put her hands on me. I’m lost this is taking my every waking moment of my life I I need to feel better I want my voice heard the judges were so rude to me and honestly I want to write a book and say hear my voice. They told me I was poor them stump they refuse to let me leave the state of Florida so I lost my job in North Carolina did nothing but punished because I married a very abusive man what can I do to get my voice hurt and what are my rights to punish him whether it be a civil suit a federal lawsuit I’ll go after County Court Police Department I don’t care what can I do?? I need this I can’t get past this I can literally lost everyone in my life oh and all the witnesses were all threatened by my ex-husband and his dad if they testified they would make sure they lost their jobs I mean I heard everything wouldn’t I just ask them just tell the court the truth is what you see no sorry and they didn’t mean sorry I was like a hot potato when I knocked at the door they weren’t friends they didn’t care if my daughter was safe now my daughter it’s a monster just just like her dad I’m sorry it’s such an open-ended question but just tell me what I can do our laws haven’t gone very far and I’m curious I feel like someone is tied my hands my feet gagged me it has taken me over I can’t heal until I can get this done. Thank you. [Edited for length and content]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

What if a woman is taken to jail for domestic violence and her husband let them take pictures of wounds that had been there due to his work. But he told police that his wife did it. What if the one claiming to be abused is in fact the abuser. What if one judge through the case out and then she sat in jail for 4 days without any charges. Finding out they were trying to keep her there because the following Monday the state was going to enhance the charge to a felony. She is just about at the end of her rope. He wants her to be in jail. He has done this at least 15 times. She just wont learn from the past. I guess she thinks she deserves this. Or it’s happened so much that it become the normal to her. What’s are the chances that the abuser can make the cops believe his spouse is the one abusing. What kind of judical system puts an abused woman in jail when she was telling the cops she didnt do anything to him. Wow! Wake up people our court system need to be checked on big time if she has to go to jail over something she didn’t do. Her husband is a big fat LIAR. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help in this situation. We can only imagine how upsetting and horrible it must be to witness this happening to someone you care about and we appreciate you being an amazing advocate for your friend. It is incredibly common for abusers to use the law enforcement and the legal system to further abuse and slander their victims, which is devastating and unfair, but it is something we are constantly trying to increase awareness surrounding and take action against. We do have Legal services we feel could be helpful to her in this situation, including legal advocates and attorneys. If she would like to connect with a legal advocate about her situation, please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where confidential advocates can provide connection to further services and resources. We are here to help. 

Should I report rape/aggravated sexual assault that occurred 10 years ago to the police, if I know the perpetrator and their whereabouts? It was in the context of an abusive relationship. From 2009-2016, I lived out-of-state to avoid the perp. I moved back home in 2016, and have since married and had a child. I’ve also since started therapy, but my therapist is supportive regardless. Was hoping to get the opinion of others – perhaps those who have experienced something similar. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that and we are here to support you in any way we can. We understand you are struggling with deciding whether you should report the sexual assault you experienced in the past from a past abusive partner. We can imagine how complex that is to process, and most likely incredibly triggering. We are so glad to hear that you are in a very different place, and have a supportive counselor. We understand that you are writing to get an opinion on what action you should take in pressing charges. As an agency, we heavily believe and follow empowerment-based practices directly affirming the survivor being the expert of the situation. In that sense, it is not our role to tell you what is best for you, only to help guide and support you with services and resources you feel would be best for you in your situation. Only you can truly know that. We would be happy to refer you to our legal team if you are wanting support in that manner. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My boyfriend of 6 years , who I live with in his house, told me he wanted me out. I found a good job close to where I’d be living. Gave a 2 week notice at current job near boyfriend’s house. Went there and he said sorry I want u to stay. 3 weeks later I quit good job cause over 500 miles a week on my vehicle, and staying with boyfriend so continued working at original job near boyfriend’s house. Well I’m now unemployed do to job near boyfriend is seasonal. Been there for 6 years. Cant find work near home, and now he kicked me out again. I’m so mad. I had a good job that I quit, due to being so far from boyfriend and now he wants me out again. This is the 5th time he wants me out. This is abuse right?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today, we are so sorry you are going through this and we are here to help support you in any way that we can. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you are needing further support in this area or want to connected to services and resources don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 3 years… we knew each other back in elementary and middle school to high school. I have always wanted to be with him and he me. But in high school he quit school and we both moved on with other people. Never seen him again till 3 years ago.. in school he was so quiet and shy . But since living with him for 3 years. He sure has become a devil but only when he drinks alot. Which is everyday. I left him a few times and he kept texting and calling begging for another chance. And said he stop drinking he did for a few weeks. He has pushed me down broke my tail bone so bad. Wouldn’t take me to the hospital. I drove myself. He has pulled my hair out and kicked me in my ribs. He keeps telling me I cheated on him but I haven’t and can’t as much as I love him. When they point the finger at u. Isn’t it the one pointing the finger at is usually doing the cheating,???? Please tell me what I should do. I love him I do. He has a kid that’s 18 and never has anything to do with her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding what is occurring within your relationship, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can imagine that it is incredibly scary and hard to sit back and evaluate your relationship and what is occurring/how you are being treated versus your feelings for your boyfriend. We want you to know that you are not to blame in this relationship, there is nothing you have done or can ever do to deserve being abused. Violence has no place in a healthy relationship. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, sexual orientation, or economic status.Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We understand that you are looking for support in what to do in your relationship, however you, as the survivor, are the expert of your situation and only you know what is best for you and your family. Our role is to help support you and connect you to services and resources that you feel would be best for you in your situation. However, it may be beneficial for you to consider utilizing our Counseling services, for it may help you to be in a safe space where you can process with other survivors. If you would like to learn more, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  

My husband and I have been married for 3 years we have a 7 year old from his previous marriage and then now have a 15 month old. Since I found out I was pregnant this may be about 3 mths into the pregnancy he started telling me how to spend money even though I work and then gets on to me about spending here and there for a drink or snack. He now wants me to get two weeks work of food at work then also I found out recently he got 3 more credit card besides the only 2 that I thought he only had. Keeps saying he will put my name on them so I can have one but never does now he has like 5 or 6 credit cards and a loan that didn’t tell me about or discuss with me. Also when he feels that his daughter is being slighted over her baby brother my son, he threatens that he will send me to my mothers and insist that he will get him a week and I will get him a week. No discussions nothing about that but I am tired of being threatened over and over of him divorcing me. Also he is verbally abusive if I don’t do the things that he feels is right about our son and then he will apologize later for the tone of voice but not what he is stating. I don’t know what to do anymore I am not happy with him anymore and I know from experience that it is emotional and verbal abuse. I don’t think he will ever hit me but I just don’t like how he is especially when it comes to our son and my step daughter who is 7 by the way.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your current situation, we can understand that this is incredibly stressful and upsetting and we want to do everything we can to support you. We hear you in that you don’t want to be in this situation anymore, and are describing a lot of abusive and unhealthy actions within this relationship. We want you to know that you are not alone, and while it is not our role to tell you what is best for you in your situation, we are here to support you and connect you to services and resources that you feel would be helpful to you in this situation. If you would like to learn more about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My ex invited me to a party tonight. I went and we got in a fight. I went to his room to talk and he wouldn’t let me leave and was shoving me really hard and blocking the door. When I finally got out he followed me to my car. He shoved his body against mine and squished me up against my car to the point that it hurt my back. I was yelling for help and he was cussing at me. When I got my car door open he shoved me inside and slammed my door. Is this domestic violence? Can he get in trouble for it?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced this and we want you to know that you are not alone. WEAVE define’s domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any intimate partner relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, and/or spiritual. This can include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We can imagine that hearing this definition in comparison to what you experienced might be upsetting, and we want you to know that we are here to support you in any way we can. If you would like to talk further with an advocate about your experiences, get connected to WEAVE services such as Counseling, or get community resources, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My boyfriend lately has been getting aggressive. I could ask him something and he will cuss me out scream and spit in my face. He cornered me and I was afraid he was going to hit me again (he only hit me once before but I was still scared) and I panicked and slapped him across his face I was terrified. The moment I did I saw so much hate, anger, and rage in his face and his eyes and he immediately picked me up by my arms pinned to my sides and slammed me onto the floor spitting cussing in my face threatening me and got off shoving me “apologizing”. My shoulder is in terrible pain and I am so afraid bcuz I live with him. What do I do please help me ? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.  It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Hi I have a question if someone may help me my older brother who’s turning 30 on September 30 beat me last night where I have cuts bruises he threw me into the kitchen wall & made me slip when the kitchen floor was wet from cleaning it then he takes me outside punches me throws me into a metal table outside may someone give me advice on how it can stop I don’t deserve this plus hes very violent @ work to hes got into plenty of pyschical fights with people he works with he doesn’t stop he just keeps going & going & going he comes home take it out on everyone in the house hold Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471.  A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
What should I do I have bruises fry boyfriend I also go smacked with a broom and Everytime I try to leave he rips my clothes and even breaks my phone and then after everything that happens he wants to cuddle and have sex and when I say no he throws a fit and hits me saying I push him away. I’m really starting to hate him if I don’t leave I’m going to end up in jail but I’m a prisoner in my own house Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother is 30 years old. I, his sister am 21. And my whole life he and I have clashed. He has this dominance problem. Hes constantly threatening me when I dont do what he wants, constantly we fight over our animals. When I was 16 he got in my face when we were arguing (I cant help but shout when I argue with him, I have controlled my anger and shouting with all others, but with him, not being willing to listen or compromise and continuing to say hurtful things I cant help it) (i just want to hirt him) i slapped him when he got in my face and he tried to choke me (but I’m decent at defending myself) so he pulled my hair and shoved me to the floor, my father split the fight before he could hurt me further. This continues to happen over the years. Today he keeps he threatened to get rid of my cat, I don’t know what he means by that, hes abused my cat before. I tried to keep my cool and not shout at him but I guess he didnt like that I could defend myself and continued to get in my face and put his finger in my face and say hirt full things so eventually I started shouting and I slapped him and he tried to choke me but I punched him off then he put me in a choke hold and my other brother had to pull him off me and hold him down to get him to stop. What do I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
I and 3 children were issued a DV no contact order by the state of WA after husband/father was charged with assault and malicious mischief. My husband was ordered to not come within 200 feet of my house and order to no make contact with me or the kids. My husband filed a divorce had the initial hearing rescheduled and served me improperly at wrong address ,the rescheduled hearing date. The commissioner then ordered me to move out of the home so he could move in and also put restraints on my parenting time allowing husband full care if our children. Was that legal? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
My boyfriend got mad at me for no reason and slammed the brakes and I got throwin in the dash and hit my faces and he said it was an accident should I be worried?

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

my husband and I have been in many altercations in our 21 years of marriage. My two daughters have seen some of it. it mostly happens when we have drank too much. this last incident i got a very big black eye. my oldest daughter ( 19) heard the fighting and left the house. i didn’t see her very much the next few days after. when she finally saw what my face looked like she asked me if He had did it. I lied of course because I didn’t want her to be mad at him. i realize now that was wrong. she told me that because of this stuff happening through out her life she has trauma and flash backs. and that she hates it when we drink. So I told her i have decided to stop drinking, and that i was very sorry for being selfish and not taking her feelings into consideration. with that she is happy. but she also said that she didn’t care what happened, she could not respect her self if a man did that to her and he stayed in the house. i don’t know if she said this out of anger. or if she has lost respect because i want him to stay and work things out. i told him about how she felt and now he is mad at her and she is mad at him. they will not talk to each other. I feel like I have messed every thing up. I don’t want to lose either of them. i feel like if they could just give each other time, we could get to a real good place. and be a happy family. I want that. I want that for them. should I leave things be for now and see have everyone is after adjusting to sobriety? What is the next step? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
My sister is 8 months pregnant, her husband hates our family so he has blocked our numbers and social media accounts. She has to find alternate ways of contacting us. He is constantly verbally abusing her, and all she does is cry and doesn’t sleep. She is hopeful things will get better once the baby is born, she is afraid of leaving him. I am very worried about her and the baby. She forgives him over and over after everything because she’s hopeful. I really want her to see that him being controlling and mistreating her isn’t going away when the baby is born but instead it will get worse. How do I get her to get help? I want her to know she deserves better and she should leave him? He said made threats such as “you’re lucky that baby is in your or else…” he has kicked her out a few times also. My family and i go days without hearing from her and we get worried because she is very vulnerable and pregnant. We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a brother to witness the abuse your sister is enduring. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options as well as potentially a welfare check. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your sister.
My son 15 6.1 250 lbs is verbally abusive and physically to me , his mom sister. I just try to protect my self only block some others get thru, We have tried all you is support services. We are at the max devices in our insurance and city , county services. Gone so far as to get home services. It works for a few days. And back to the same thing. Many Police calls. Is a vicious circle. Child protection services also involved. Every time we the police and CPS. Come they want to know if we hurt him. Also lies that we hurt him. Once they interview my wife and me they clear us .It is unbelievable frustrating as there is no reason for any of this. Authorities are making our lives miserable as well as our son. Note. I do love my son and want to help him out of this nightmare of him and mainly ours Can anyone please help or advice Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. We understand you are scared of retaliation if you contact law enforcement, but you might need to if he continues to threaten you and harass you. However, if you do choose to report it to law enforcement they may not move forward with the case, but it leaves a record in case this happens to someone else and they report it. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Another possible helpful resource can be the CA Youth Crisis Line at 1.800.843.5200 for your son if he is in need of speaking to an advocate.
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and forced to have children with the guy and he’d commonly make me miscarry if he got angry. I’m now with a new wonderful partner and we were trying for a child. I miscarried a few times which was triggering of my past but finally I got pregnant and successfully gave birth. Now that the baby is here I am finding it hard to connect with the child. I was forced to give my others with my abuser up for adoption and now that I have this beautiful new baby I look at him and just feel sad. I don’t know why but I feel like I can’t connect and keep thinking this child looks exactly like my abusive ex. I know that the baby is probably just looking more like my other kids as it takes after me but I keep looking down and getting slightly panicky. I’m in a really great relationship and completely safe and loved. I just don’t know why I can’t love and connect with this child like I so desperately want to. I really love this child and want so badly to connect but it just doesn’t feel like it’s there when all I can see is my ex when I look at his face. Is this common in survivors? I’m really hoping I’m not alone. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Some individuals may also experience an influx of feelings after pregnancy, which, if you’re comfortable, should be discussed with your primary care doctor. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
I just reported my husband for domestic violence. We have been in incidents in the past were we both have been guilty of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. He continues to physically abuse me so I contacted the authorities. Now hes threatening to bring up our past to bring me down with him. Can I go to jail too? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you’re experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My intuition is telling me to leave my relationship, but for some reason I am scared and doubting myself. We have been together for less than 2 years and we moved in together 6 months into the relationship. At the time there were some things I didn’t like such as him not respecting boundaries or what I would say I needed,  I cared for him and I was willing to take the chance and see if we could get our act together. I’ve lived with him for over a year now and we’ve had explosive fights that are basically 1 step below putting hands on each other and full of toxic behaviors and name calling.  I don’t feel respected or supported.  I just felt it was cruel or sadistic what he was trying to do. Meanwhile like not really showing any empathy, but an insincere sounding “I’m sorry your leg is hurt”.  It’s not 100 % bad, but I feel as if he is either a narcissist or insecure and does things for attention or a manipulator. I am just wondering if you can offer any advise on my situation. I am confused because one moment he will say I’m and angel, but if I challenge him or speak to him a way he doesn’t like then I’m the devil and a basically evil person who doesn’t care about him or the relationship. Thank you for taking the time to read this. [Edited for length]. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Can you help find housing for someone who is extremely ill and is having to deal with Domestic violence daily in various forms. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Me and my boyfriend were together for 4 1/2 years. Although we talked about marriage and how I was ready for engagement, I knew in my heart he wasn’t ready for engagement due to financial debt. Throughout the course of the relationship, we would argue but would always smoke or drink and then come back together to talk about our problems. We have lived together for 1 year so it made it convenient to talk about our problems while “self-medicating”. Recently, we made the change to quit smoking and ever since then, I feel like he has been on edge. I would make small comments that he is quick to snap or easily annoyed or have to walk on eggshells some days so he isn’t moody. Throughout the 4 1/2 years, we never have gone a day without speaking so he was shocked I was kicking him out. He got very angry and was yelling, calling me names and ripped up our picture I had just purchased as well as knocked over the tv in the bedroom. I told him he needed to leave the laptop I paid and replaced and he got in my face yelling I would need to fight him like a man. I have never seen him this angry and told him he needed to go to anger management. Despite all of this happening, I still love him and do want to be with him only if he goes to counseling. Throughout the relationship, I have never seen him act like this and it has shocked me and my family. I know the right thing to do is to leave but I feel like I am losing my best friend and partner. Our first year of dating he took LSD and is trying to claim that his mind is rewiring and he is working to control his anger. I just don’t know if he is using this as an excuse/manipulation. He has agreed to counseling and is respecting my wishes to not be in contact with me until I fully heal and claims he will do whatever it takes to win my forgiveness back. I really don’t want the relationship to be over because I love him but also do not want to be blindly stupid. [Edited for length and content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with his emotional health, so he doesn’t continue his violent behavior. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Okay… so my lil girls father went to prison April of last year for aggravated domestic violence against me… we have went to majority of time without speaking until 2 or 3 months ago and he got in contact with me via a cellphone.. we were getting along.. and he was wanting his family back and I fell into it mostly..but still continued to tell him I couldnt live with him again and we would just have to see bcuz I dont trust him… I like the idea of him changing but I know he never will … so ofcourse when he doesnt get his way then now I’m a bad mother and he called me threatening me saying I was talking about him bad and he will make my life a living hell and etc.. should I contact someone and tell them he has been threatening… should I even feel guilty if I do.. idk.. I get so wrapped up in trying to still please him from what they call trauma bonding… i have been in therapy for a while and i cant seem to break this cycle idk what to do.. and I’m scared he will try to take my daughter or get visitations … Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence.The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My roommate and son in law threatens me galore. Escorts me for things an has got to the point of braking a tv my tv with a bat cause she said this is you and broke it with a bat I have pictures

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

Ok, so I was just wrestling with my dad you know playing around, were a rough family. And this happens all the time I have just gotten used to it over the years, but eventually he will go too far and he will end up hurting me, I persist to tell him to stop but he doesn’t so I do anything I can I hit him, I kick and yell, but it gets to the point where he thinks I go too far. He then hits me back only much harder and I seriously need this too stop because it’s becoming too much so what can I do. And I love my dad I don’t want anything to happen too him he’s a real stand up great guy, but the problem is when we start wrestling. I don’t want to call anything or do anything like that I just need you guys to tell me what to do. I’m not completely sure what this is I just need some help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
How do I overcome my fear of being seen naked? My ex consistently calls me fat and ugly and unloveable and undesirable whenever he’s pissed at me. I know he’s just saying those things to hurt me and get under my skin, which I hoped would help keep that from happening but instead I can’t take my clothes off to be intimate with any partner now..how do I cope with this? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother in law is a supervisor for division of family services in my area. He witnessed my husband abusing me and did nothing to help. This was a couple of years ago. Is there anything I can do now?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

Hello, I have been reaching out for help for years and not getting anywhere due to a medical condition. I have been in an abusive relationship for over a decade that caused major heart attacks a few years ago at thirty one. He started screaming at me following these inducing other events when I begged him to call an ambulance. He has been emotionally abusive and is constantly threatening me causing several minor strokes. He has been threatening to have me discredited and declare me incompetent if I even speak up about what he has done, and his Mother worked for decades in the medical records department of the insurance plan I have and is not an honest person. He has also had several family members who worked at Stanford medical and the care has been noticeably horrible. His grandmother was put on a Stanford estrogen study decades ago during a time when medical professionals were well aware that causes strokes in people and ended up a paraplegic due to that on a feeding tube with people talking about how they hated her at her funeral. I feel like I’m headed in the same direction if I don’t get help, and have been reaching out to civil rights organizations for years no to no avail. I have to leave this situation, but have lost everything because of him, have had zero income in 2019 and have no other option or support system and it isn’t safe for me to do so. These human rights issues are very severe and he has forced myself and my sons into a 900 square foot apartment, and has manipulated my children successfully. He has been hurting them to hurt me every time I try to parent, but putting me in a bad situation.I hate conflict and my heart can’t take it and what he has gotten away with is equivalent to terrorism. Is there any justice for women out there? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services if you are in Sacramento.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
My dad is been baker acted twice diagnosed some dementia mostly hallucinations paranoia. It’s been baker acted twice. My mother is 80 years old and he is 84. It is become stressful and fearful for my mother. When we call the cops we call the cops he answers all the questions correctly. They say Baker acting and then they just send him home again. If you don’t let any of the family in the house as he thinks we all want to move in and we don’t have homes of our own. He has taken at night and told my mother do you hear that do you hear that she’s also made her get on the floor he thought the mafia was after her. He has all robots and went in one of the neighbors. These are just some scenarios. This is been a year and a half now .Recently he came in at 2 o’clock in the morning saying it was at the pump dump and had a knife in his hand. At 3 o’clock my mother got short of breath and the next day was taking him to the hospital with a fib it took a week but they got her heart back balanced. The psychiatrist there said he needed to be removed from the home or don’t go back as we told him what was going on. A lot of this is because of the stress she’s been under because of him. Or she would end up back in the hospital. This is where it gets complicated. They were married for 11 years separated for or divorced for 26 and then been together after my brother passed for 25 living as if they were married sharing a house both are on the trailer their names and bank account they just never got the piece of paper. There’s no retirement there’s nothing but your Social Security checks . So when the cops were called my mother got home from the hospital the cops came daddy didn’t believe that she was in the hospital as we try to bring him food and check on him and he just cost us and tell us she went in the hospital so when she arrived we had to call a cop to get my mother in which had had a bath had any of her clothes cause he wouldn’t let us in the house. The cop said you know they get old they believe what they believe in you can’t do anything about it and that one of them needed to leave so my poor mother of seen mind that just left the hospital was removed from her home with no clothes except a little bag. She forgot her shoes on the table he locked the door wouldn’t let her back in the cop just said goodbye another pair at the Goodwill or at the dollar tree. My mother was treated as if she was just piece of white trash. She has made that home paid all the bills make sure everything ran accordingly and there’s concerns of coarse of my dad living on his own he has no transportation is no way to buy food and now my mothers out of the home he won’t except help from any of the family and he thinks he can do all this on his own. She needs to be back in her home though as girls can take care of her until we figure this out. I’ve been contacted a couple of attorneys care patrol golf coast law that deals with elderly care I was told and I’m getting nowhere I’m going to try social services but unless somebody has guardianship or power of attorney without his consent or proving incompetence or he hurts my mother we can’t get him play in placement. Please help we are lost and we need some type of direction to follow. He stresses her out he cussed her out he accuses her of sleeping around the trailer park mother can’t even get up out of the chair she got a bad leg let alone go around the trailer park just goes on anon. And now he’s been getting knifes out to purchase it it’s it’s almost like she feels threatened. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this with your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210. You might also be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916-874-9377. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471

 
This may sound like a dumb question. I was really angry about a comment made and yelled “Don’t ever say that to me again!” He smirked. I know what I do is wrong but I went to the kitchen started slamming things into the dishwasher and banging pots around. He came in and said stop banging I said “LEAVE ME ALONE” he then came at me grabbing my arms pushed me against the fridge and I fell down. After that I was face down on the floor and he got on my back held me down had a hold of my arms like a scissor hold pulling. I was screaming at the top of my lungs for him to get off over and over. after a couple of mins he did. It was hurting and now I have a bruised elbow and finger print bruises on the other arm. I screamed at him again “Don’t you ever put your hands on me!” He said “you were out of control banging those pots and I didn’t do anything wrong by trying to calm you down” Of course I didn’t report but I’m confused is the abuse? I rarely swear because I hate it, but 4 letters is all he knows. He kept SCREAMING the F-word the whole time saving “F-ing calm down, F-you” I would have been calm if he would have gotten off me and it wasn’t hurting.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 


 
My husband is mean to the children, and extremely cruel to me. Hes curses at us and instigates fights. He flings plates of food if myself or the children questions him. He threatens to quit his job and refuses to go into his job at any given time. He punches holes in the walls and doors. He them isolates himself in a bedroom for days and will say not a word to anyone, only bark demands. Like ” i need cigarettes”. He refuses to leave and says things like ” you want me to leave, make it happen, do something”. He calls our sons ” princess” or ” candy a**”. He calls me whore and threaten me. He has hit and hurt me in the past. My children are NEVER physically hurt. I think hes evil sometimes. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your children, their number is 916.875.5437. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My daughter has been sexually assaulted by her ex boyfriend and physically abused, so badly she miscarried a set of twins. The crimes have been reported to court mandators, as well as the police, nothing is being done about it, I am in the statue of limitations, what can I do now? These crimes were committed in Jacksonville FL. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your daughter is experiencing. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. Since  you live outside of Sacramento County, to find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.
I’m a single mom of a five year old we live with my friend of mine ive known for almost 4 years been living with him for a year he amazing with my son but not so nice to me where if I put things in the wrong place or don’t do them correctly I get name called he will sometimes call me a bad mom, I’m stupid, retard recently I spent too much of my money where I’m now a little behind on rent where now he’s taken my bank card, ent card also part of it goes towards my car he help with part of it which I’ve been paying him back on means limited when I can use my car too so he’s going to keep an close on my bank account, ebt when it gets loaded back up again and mileage til I get caught back up and bad enough I get screwed over by almost every job i have I’ve been through i was in a scary traumatizing abusive relationship for 4 years was lucky i got away from it alive and came back home to my family it’s like never ending Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Who is the abuser? History of violent episodes (one a year x 10 years would be fair estimate…frequently revolving around alcohol abuse). whlie laying in bed verbal argument escalates until she screams in his face, he face palms her and she flies off of bed. she gets up, livid and swinging. he delfects by kicking her, resulting in fall to floor (and nightstand). she gets up swinging and cursing, he responds by pinning her to the bed- until shes gasping for breath and promising to be a good girl if he just stops. he eventually lets up, she leaves, then returns, intending to smash his face with flat screen…instead throwing it down. no other notable controlling, demeaning abusive aspects…..fights just escalate to violence (both with history of trauma) Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My friend’s step father (who’s a Marine btw) beats him and says if my friend calls the police then he’ll falsely accuse him of molesting one of his daughters. He asked me to promise him I won’t do anything but I want to help. He’s tried to call the police but it didn’t work He tried to get a job that would pay him enough to move out but his father (who’s friends with his boss) got him fired He can’t move in with me or any of his relationship partners (he’s poly) Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.

My husband has been calling me terrible names, degrading me in front of people, intimidating me, scaring me, on a daily basis for years now. I know I should leave him but I feel so weak to do anything about my situation. I used to be a very strong woman an RN for 25 years but after working 25 years I had some medical problems and had to leave it and I was since I did he has been so abusive. Controlling to the point where I’m not even allowed to talk to anybody and his family and barely anyone in my family. It’s crazy that I let somebody do this to me for so long but it’s weird how it’s very insidious and becomes worse and worse over time at least with me. Now it’s daily basis of abuse. My question is about I don’t have any money. I only have my house that we have paid for together and we both own. It’s not quite paid off but a lot of it is. My question is how do I get him with no money on my own to, I want to file for divorce and make him sell the house is there any options in Fort Lauderdale Florida for help financially with Filing for divorce and having him made to sell the house because I won’t be able to be in the house once he knows I’m filing for divorce in other words it Has to be him selling the house because if I tell him I can’t live in the same house because it would be unbearable even more. So I’m trying to see if there’s any help to file for divorce and make him sell the house that doesn’t cost a lot because I don’t have any money right now and also the logistics of how does it work? if I’m not in the house and I have to go stay with someone Who lives in the same state but very far away, like what is the process I guess is what I’m saying what is the process please and how long does it usually take and do I have to be going to court around my house to do something like that?. I know I was an RN for many years but I did not work with adults and you would think I would know these questions and would be stronger but I’m not at this time because I’ve been beat down for so long. Thank you so much

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
My boyfriend keeps pulling threads on my clothes and scratching my car. Why Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We understand why this situation is very stressful for you. We would like to encourage you to practice setting some boundaries because this will lead to a healthier understanding of yourself and your relationship. Boundaries can be hard, but they are absolutely necessary. If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance at longevity. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
My girlfriend is coming over tomorrow and she won’t let him call me a cunt or a bitch or anything else my house I helped him get a job then he was supposed to leave but now he’s abusing me. ..I’ve begged him to leave but he won’t I don’t know what to do so I called my girlfriend to help me I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me!! He has a drinking problem and it’s getting worse his anger is exalting I’m getting very nervous every day it’s more and more extreme I’m scared for my safety and my boys…  Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship, you do not deserve to be treated this way. We are grateful that you have a friend who is there to support you and help you. If you are fearful for your safety, it is paramount that you contact law enforcement. Having law enforcement reports can create a paper trail of your domestic violence experiences that may be helpful in possible future legal matters. Our agency has many services that may be helpful to you with your domestic violence situation. To learn more about these services and speak to a crisis counselor about your situation, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Is it possible to begin the process of reaching out for help via email, rather than over the phone or in-person? I live in Sacramento and am hopeful to reach out for support with what feels like a situation of something like domestic violence. However, I cannot easily leave my home and I’m afraid that he’s tracking my phone calls. Is there a way to possibly connect with someone, initially, through an email address?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. If you want to connect with support via email you can initiate contact at info@weaveinc.org. You can also go to our business office location to receive in-person support at 1900 K Street if that is a safe option for you. If you are concerned that he is tracking your phone calls, here are some safety tips that may be helpful for your situation. Frequently clear your browser history, as well as turn off your locations by going into your phone, location, and turning them off. Frequently changing passwords (email, phone, social media accounts) can also be helpful. Don’t hesitate to email for support. 

I’m very mentally broken I feel. I’m dating a man who’s 18 years older than me and though its seldom physical violence, everyone years its constant mental abuse, gas lighting, passive aggressive behavior, and without telling me not to do something , has some how isolated me from the world.i use to know… Is it ok to still maybe get help or counseling from somewhere? I’ve become financially and in all ways codependent on him. He wouldnt chase me if I left he’d just let me go.. but I dont know where to go. Am I just being pathetic and weave and other programs are for serious real abuse..or is mental abuse a real issue as well? We physically fight sometimes but its rare..and he never actually yells or raises his voice at me..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today. We want to start by saying that you are not alone, and we are here for you. Everything you are describing experiencing are very serious forms of abuse, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. While physical abuse is a very serious form of abuse, what you are experience is equally as serious and valid and you deserve support. Our agency is always here to support you, regardless of where you are at in this situation, we recognize how complex Domestic Violence is and we are not here to judge you. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to learn more about our services or just to talk to a crisis counselor. We are here for you. 
 
After many years of abuse I left my husband and went to a shelter. To prove I’m not lying, or trying to take money etc….
My friend and advocates say that he can easily get custody of our four year old daughter, by saying I abandoned her. Surely that can’t be true in the United States. I’m only trying to show the judge that I’m a reasonable and fair woman who needs a divorce. There’s currently no order of any kind relating to the child or divorce. Should I take my daughter with me
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and can only imagine how upsetting it must be. It sounds like you are dealing with deciding whether or not you should take your daughter with you when you leave your abuser. We are sorry you are struggling with that difficult decision. If you are a resident of Sacramento County and are planning on leaving your abuser and taking your child with you but do not have a formal custody agreement, you can do something called a “Good Cause Notification” which would essentially alert the district attorney that you have reason to believe it is not safe to leave your child in the care of a certain parent. To learn more about this and get referred to further Legal support with your situation please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Not very long ago my boyfriend and his older brother got into an argument. His older brother had him cornered in the kitchen, screaming in his face, my boyfriend pushed him away so he could get some space only after yelling multiple times to get out of his face. After that, his older brother ended up telling him to leave, and as my boyfriend was leaving he was obviously upset and yelling, his brother followed him outside and his brother proceeded to throw him on the ground, kick him, and when my boyfriend had come inside to grab some of his things, he had a roll of large trashbags thrown at him by his older brother. He was then told to leave a second time, so as he was his brother ended up following him again, where he pushed him into the tree outside, and he was even beating on my boyfriends head (he was trying to defend his head with his hands), and even ended up making his hand swell and we thought he’d broken it.
After my boyfriend had finally gotten in his car and left, I was left at the house with tears streaming down my face as I packed our belongings as we were told we were no longer welcome here. When the police arrived, I had no idea, his brother walked into the room and told me that the cops were here and would probably want to talk to me, he told me he already told them what happened, due to the shock I didn’t write the most detailed report. After my boyfriend returned, he was then arrested on the spot, no questions asked for him, no Maranda rights, and was taken immediately to the jail. I and a couple of mutual friends of my boyfriend and I went down and bonded him out but still holds that time in the jail on his record.
Now my boyfriend is facing charges from the state as being the aggressor, the neighbor had called it in, and faces fines and even jail time and has no attorney so has to be his own. So my question is, what can we do to get these charges dropped?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471.


 
I am disabled and have been waiting on SSI for a few years now. Because of this, I have no money or resources left of my own, and my parents now take care of everything for me. My step-dad is an alcoholic with a history of violence. He has called my mom and I nasty names, threatened us, and broken things in the house when he’s angry. He has essentially held us hostage using money when he doesn’t get his way, because he knows his finances are going toward important things like our health care. Anytime money is a problem, my medical treatment is one of the first things on the table to be potentially cut. I spent all the time living with them on-edge, always ready to make an exit or try to see who I can crash with when he’s flying into a rage or just vaguely screaming about something. My mom has always made excuses for him like, “he’s only this way when he drinks” or “he’s sorry about what he did and is going to change this time” and said that assistance programs don’t actually help with these sorts of situations anyway, so it’s best to just wait it out and someday he’ll finally stop or just die. I attempted suicide because I couldn’t stand to imagine being forced to live with it any longer. In trying to escape that environment, I was driven into the arms of a few different guy “friends” who wanted to give me a place to stay because they were just so nice, until they were not-so nice and it was pay in sexual favors or leave, because apparently that’s what happens when you don’t have rent money. In other situations with friends, I could only stay for as long as my parents wanted to pay for my rent, and then they would make me come back. I have been out for about a year now, and they are making me come back again, because they don’t want to pay the rent. I have never lived independently of my parents or of some romantic partner who shares some of the same toxic patterns as my parents. I have my own share of trauma-related issues and I don’t want to have to go back, but I have never explored options because I was always told they don’t really exist, especially if I’m not able bodied enough to handle a transient lifestyle. I am usually at home, so not having a home, or not having a safe one, is a really big deal. I want out of this cycle but I feel completely powerless to stop it. Is there any way for me to get out? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 

Im from canada alberta and i have lived in a hotel for 3 weeks and paid daily..my husband and i got in a fight which caused the cops to be called and we both got taken to lovk up.. i went back to the hotel the next day and they had my car towed and impounded, they kept all my belongings and his and said i had to pay 800 dollars for damages done to room which was blood on mattress and carpet. They never charged me damage deposit or asked for visa..i paid cash daily. Is this legal for them to do this ?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make is according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  We recommend you reaching out to a local Domestic Violence agency in your County for assistance or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
Can my spouse be arrested for slapping my face if I filed a police report (a black eye came on that afternoon as a result of the slap)the day after the incident ? It occurred two weeks ago but a detective called to say he was presenting to a judge an arrest warrant We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.
My situation is difficult. I have a boyfriend and there have been past domestic violence issues. He just finished 8 months in jail that was done two years ago. Since then we have been working on our relationship. Our problem is communicatig. He comes from a family that does not know how to communicate. Worse yet we lice with his mother. Who is extremely nosy and follows us around the house. We’ve caught her outside our bedroom door listening we have caught bee following us down the road in walks. She instigated arguments
When I tell him. We can’t afford something he asks her and she gives it to him. So this is the current situation. My son who is 20 moved back in with us, with his girlfriend and their 5 month old baby. They needed help to get back on the their feet. Then after two months his son who was just released from jail an zlost his job due to heroin use shows up with some girl that we had originally banned from coming here ever again andy boyfriend allowed bee back in the house. I told him no way in hell. He said he is not going kick hhs kid out and that me a s my kid can leavs.
So given the situation does having them here endangwr us. They are in and out all hours of the night and she lost her kids to cps a long time ago. Also due to the past domestics. I suffer from of course massive debilitating anxiety and horrible panic. I have no worked in almost ten years. I babe no family (none) to call. We lice way out of City limits and a. Bus only comes by a few times a week. So what should j dk. J am scared to death for my son and I am also beyond stuck.
At night I cry and wish my mom were still alive to help me and I have tried to mask it. But everything inside of me is saying he won’t change. And I told him that having them here is endangering us and he said that the only danger is from. Me. So his girlfriend and. Baby I guess are moving back home with her dad. And I am still going to be here. What should I do.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
Hello my name is x I has been in a classic “ GASLIGHTING relationship “ I knew I wasn’t imagining these things! And a Physically Abusive relation, were pretty much every month my arms were marked up, that I truly lost vount of the times, The DA dropped two felonies to ONE Misdemeanor! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?? No wonder Women don’t bother with filing or reporting!! And the sad thing the DA was a female herself! I hope I will heal emotionally from these horrific events in my life, My body feels so sore and my heart is broke. This was a case from 7/5/19 in Sacramento County 2 Felonious to one misdemeanor and guess what he did the night he was released snuck in my tural driveway with lights off at 11 pm at night to get his car moving it without lights so spooky! Thanks for not helping me and making me feel safe DA , but I must say the Sheriffs wete great!! They spotted a abuser right off the bat!!! Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

i live with my mother and she overdoses on her medication every month and fall down and hurts her self and calls the cops and says that i hurt her she takes blood thinners and she bruise very easy so the cops take me to jail she call the ambulance on her self and says she took to many pills and fell down when im not there she is 67 years old and takes too many pill at once what can i do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting  this situation must  be for you.  Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behavior where an intimate partner or a member of a family uses intimidation, threats or actual violence in order to maintain power and control within the family relationship.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual,  spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It sounds like your mother may be needing assistance with her medication.  Have you considered accompanying with your mother to her future doctor appointments.  This will give you the opportunity to speak with and inform her doctor with what is transpiring at home.  The doctor should be able to explain to you what the medications are for and the side effects that come with the medications.  You can also brainstorm with your doctor and  come up with a plan to better monitor your mother’s medication.  Maybe an assistance from the clinic can monitor her medication or maybe the doctor can disperse medication weekly.  These are just options that can be considered to help your mother.  WEAVE also offers counseling if you feel that will help you to make future choices or if you need emotional support.  If you need more information or need emotional support please call our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952, 

My abusive ex-boyfriend/ex-best friend I just finally stood up to and said goodbye, but I’m scared he will. He has a sealed record for assault on someone and carries both a CCL and a gun plus I know he has old pictures of me and messages of mine that I do have a reasonable expectation of privacy regarding by law. I stayed friends with him after we broke up though I never realized how he was abusing me, and it got worse when I met someone. After I got married to that someone else, it worsened even more. Again I was oblivious to all of this, but I’m not now. Sometimes he would force himself on me sexually prior to our break up and he did physically assault me at least once that I can remember that wasn’t sexual in nature. What do I do? There are laws against spreading things with a reasonable expectation of privacy and against what some could be deemed non-consensual imagery. I’ve issued him a warning not to contact myself or my loved ones nor dare to harm or attempt to harm any of us in any manner otherwise I will pursue legal justice. Do I wait and him potentially wreak havoc on my life? Also how do I get out of this depression it’s spurred and how do I stop trying to find things through way of viewing social media and more? I’m absolutely devastated right now along with angry and scared. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want him back in my life. How do I stop fearing, ensure we’re protected, and truly move on from this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. Nobody deserves to go through what you have, and continue, to go through but we want you to know you are not alone and you have support here. It definitely sounds like you have a grasp on the legal aspects to your situation and just need some further guidance. We have an amazing team of Legal advocates and attorneys who could provide you further support for your situation if that is what you want. It is completely your choice whether or not you would like to take legal action, it is your right. If that is something you want and your case is through Sacramento County please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, safe number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern. They will return your call within a few business days. In regards to your feelings of depression, anger, these are all incredibly normal and part of the healing process. Healing is unfortunately not a linear journey, it twists and turns and one day you can be ten steps forwards and the next five steps back. Have you ever considered Counseling services to help process some of the trauma from what has occurred in the past relationship and its continued violence? Our agency offers Counseling services that could be of great help to you throughout this process. If you would like to learn more about our Counseling or any services we provide please call our 24/7 Support and Information number at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
,I was reading a message from my mom’s boyfriend, who don’t like me, that if ever I was back to our country. I would hire someone to kill me. Where does this situation fall ? If i need to file a lawsuit We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707.
My husband was taken to jail after I called the cops. His anger was getting the best of him and he is becoming violent. He’s such a sweet kind hearted person it’s so hard for me to think he did that to be mean. I feel like he cant control himself. I love him to death and want to be with him. Is he going to be mad that I called the cops on him? Does he hate me now? Will he or does he still love me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. If you decide to stay with him you may want to speak to him about it to make sure it never happens again and possibly encourage him to seek counseling. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Hello, I am a 16 year old girl and my abusive ex-boyfriend raped me about a year ago and recorded sex without permission. I did not report it back then because I was being brainwashed by my abuser. I have now been able to separate from him and seek therapy and begin recovery. It makes me feel awful that he’s getting away with this however I’m afraid to contact the police. Advice? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we want to say that we are so sorry that this happened to you, and we want you to know that we believe you. You are not alone, and we are here to help you. We understand that you are feeling anxious regarding reporting this, and we would love to provide you some support surrounding that. We have Legal advocates who may be able to talk to you about what all your options are in regards to reporting and what exactly that would look like. Regardless, we would like to provide you further support and connection to resources, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I’m white and he is black. He’s constantly putting me down and shaming me …[edited for content] My family loves him though; around everyone else he turns on the charm and becomes this loving, suave, super-attentive bf that can do no wrong. Lately he’s been finding it amusing to grab me by the arm and refuse to let go, knowing I won’t pull away for risk of leaving visible bruises. This, he says, is part of what makes white girls ‘fun’. ‘Can’t fight back because that’s racist.’ I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to report him and expose him to the brutality of the justice system. I don’t want to become one of ‘those’ white girls leveraging our tears to hurt MoC; at the same time I’m afraid it will get worse. Help? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. We want you to know that you are not alone, we believe you, and we are here to help you. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Regardless of someone’s race or ethnicity, violence has no place in any relationship and what you are experiencing is not okay. There is no excuse, you do not deserve this treatment. We have many services that could be of help to you in this situation, including Legal services, Counseling, Emergency Shelter, and many more. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have two adult sons that are using drugs in my home punching holes in my walls just destroying my home throwing objects at me one son moved his girlfriend in and she is on drugs as well the police won’t do anything I’ve called them three times what can I do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to make sure you get the support you need in this area. We are so sorry that you have not been getting the response you need from law enforcement with this matter. We may have some resources that may be of help to you with this situation, such as legal eviction support. Please call  our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss this situation further and we will connect you to the appropriate resources. 

I have been married to my husband for 11 years. I am currently pregnant with our 5th child together. In the past, he has been rough with me on a few occasions in anger. He would grab me usually, and once (the first time) held me down and pressed my face sideways telling me to stop saying the things I was saying. I was so scared on that occasion as he had never been rough before. But also told myself, well he did not hit me or actually hurt me. It was a long time before he lashed out physically again. Last last year I found out he got someone else pregnant and they now have a baby. I decided after some time if trying to make it work that I wanted a divorce. I have been telling him I want to divorce amicably and every time he resisted, and has been showing remorse, trying to show a lot of kind gestures towards me. However, a few days ago when we were discussing again that I want a divorce, he became enraged after I started speaking angrily towards him. He attacked me in my recliner I was sitting in, grabbing me and pinning me painfully into the chair… At this point I am wondering if this is real. This man has been a good husband. I said what he wanted me to say to stop him from hurting me further. I cried and prayed after he let me up. He calmed down and told me I made him do it and should not have hit him in his face. He also me chilling words, now I see that he is serious about not losing me, and now I see what he would do if I try to leave. Am I paranoid to take that as a threat to my life? I have considered making a plan to leave, but I am terrified that he would fulfill his threat and hurt me badly or kill me if he found me. Just hours later he was embracing me and whispering how much he loves me, needs me, and will do anything to keep me.

I want to leave but I know my children will be so sad if I took them away from our home and away from their father. I don’t want to hurt them. So I am also considering just staying and making sure I don’t ever lash out at him with angry words as that seems to trigger him. For the most part we have been able to have tough conversations without any kind of fear of violence. So this change over the last few years has been a shock.

I just need some advice. He is a good person and I feel he is in some kind of crisis as he inches towards age 50. I feel perhaps he fears losing me and felt the only thing to stop me would be to scare me like this. However, I don’t love him anymore and I do feel truly scared. I do care about him but I don’t want to underestimate him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns.  Domestic Violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior where an intimate partner uses intimidation, threats or actual violence in order to maintain power and control in their relationship.  Domestic Violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behavior that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure someone.  All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.  We are sorry that you are going through this within your relationship and we also commend you for your strength and courage for reaching out to us today. No one should be treated the way your husband has been treating you. You have every right to feel how you feel, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call the police.  Law enforcement an be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and keep you and your children safe.  Regardless of where you are at in this process, We are here for you. WEAVE offers counseling if that is something that will interest you at this time.  You can meet with a counselor individually and they also provide group counseling where you can meet other people who are going through the same situation that you are going through. Once again we are sorry that you are going through this with your relationship.  If you feel that you need to talk to someone, you can always call the support line at (916) 920-2952

Is there a place for men to go who have been in abusive domestic violence you guys plan places for women to go is there a place for a man to go in that situation

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, your question is very important to us.  You are not alone in asking this question.  WEAVE offers an array of services which includes emergency shelter, legal help and counseling that is available to people of all genders. If you need any more information, please call our 24/7 support and information line (916) 920-2952.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. We live together. Three years into our relationship things got rocky, mostly over other woman he had been having secret relationships with and was caught. The last time was November of 2018, and I don’t know if I can trust he has changed. He is very emotionally abusive, and in all reality the textbook definition of narcissistic. But in between, our relationship has good points. And I love him with all of my heart but just lost on what to do. I am emotionally damaged from these past two years and I know I should probably seek help from a professional. The scars will never go away it feels. There is no talking to him, if I try to talk, I am arguing. If I cry, I am being dramatic. If I’m hurting, I need to get over the past and stop dragging it on. What do I do ? He has a past with beating on his ex girlfriend as I have learned six months ago (wish I would have known that sooner) I don’t know if change is possible, or if this is a temporary illusion he is trying to set off. Anyone who’s been in a serious domestic violence case knows it’s not as simple as just leaving, it’s really hard. I need guidance. [Edited for length and content] Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I’m not sure what kind of situation I’m in but I feel stuck. Only married a couple of year and have a 9 month old (too smart and big for her age) but recently my husband keeps starting arguments even ones we’ve fully discussed but he pushes and pushes to the point that I start yelling and defending myself and trying to make my voice and what I have to say herd but when it escalates he pulls out his camera and records it in my face saying “you should see yourself, do you know how you’re reacting, you need help”.after already argued for 20 minutes. Even after I tell him to leave or go away or I try to walk away or close the door to the room with my kid or sit quietly, he’ll push it open and contining the argument and record me to the point being hysterical. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my child with him but I don’t know how to get out of the argument and out of the camera. And now I feel like I can’t leave cause he has videos of me yelling in front of our little one to use against me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
My daughter is being abused by her boyfriend and the police doesn’t want to help what can i do as a mother trying to protect her child before something bad happens? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your daughter is experiencing this and we can only imagine how hard it must for you to stand by and bear witness, as her mother. We commend you for your strength and courage in reaching out today, you daughter is so lucky to have you as her advocate. We would love to talk to your daughter about her situation and see what support we may be able to provide her since we have many services designed to help people in situations like hers. Please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and ask her to call us as soon as she is able to, and we will do everything we can to help her. 
my boyfriend doesn’t communicate well. We’ve been together for two years and are 21 years old. For the most part, the relationship is good. Except for when he’s; Mad, Sad, Depressed or in a funk. He has a mood disorder, anxiety, and depression and is on medication for all of it. When we argue, he often shuts his phone off or puts it on airplane mode, or even keeps it on but will purposely decline my calls and ignore my messages. This can go on for more than 12 hours. Longest it’s gone on is almost 30 hours, and when he decides to finally talk to me he acts as if there’s nothing wrong. As if nothing happened, and he didn’t do anything. When people ask him what happens between us he tells them nothing we’re fine, meanwhile i’m calling friends hysterical crying because he hasn’t talked to me in HOURS. He makes me come off as crazy towards everyone all the time. I’m at my wits end here. I’ve tolerated his lack of communication, light physical issues, and extreme mental abuse. I love him very very much and I know he can be a better person, but if this has been pretty consistent for the past 2 years i’m losing hope. I’ve tried to seek couples therapy with him and he says that’s a waste of time & money, and his parents drill it into him that it’s only for married couples. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting it is. Relationships are hard work, and the key to healthy, successful relationships, are trust and communication. It sounds like there are a lot of consistent issues when it comes to communication within your relationship. We understand that there are incredibly real and true feelings of love, and love is so important but perhaps it could be helpful to take a step back, and evaluate whether or not this relationship is not only the healthiest, best options for both of you, and if you both want/need the same things from a relationship. Just because there is love doesn’t mean it is the right thing for both of you. You both deserve to be happy in your relationship. Please know you are not alone and we are here to support you. If you want to discuss this further with a crisis counselor call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have been dealing with my bf for 4 years it has gotten worse everyday he will call me fat and say im nothing but a fat a** b***** and that he hates me and he hopes i die we have a daughter together and he still don’t care after he says those mean things i have said but your the one that dont have a job i have a job and i can keep mine and i said at least i can pass a weed test and he will get mad and punch me or push me up against the wall i will have bruises all over me all he does is talk crap about me idk what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have choices as to what may happen next. Our role is to support you in your journey, get you connected to services and resources that may be helpful to you, and empower you. Nobody deserves violence, violence has no place in a healthy relationship. We have many services that may be of help to you, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Is a gaslight relationship the same as fb

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic utilized by an abuser to make you question your sanity/reality. It is normally done slowly, and builds up over time, like brainwashing. It can be done through the telling of blatant lies, denial, alienation, and many other ways. It is another form of abuse. If you need further support and would like to discuss this with a crisis counselor, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 
My husband body shames me every single day. Today he walked in as I was eating a chip. He flew off the handle. He said he can’t wait to divorce me. Called me fat. Said I look like a line backer. Said I was disgusting, ugly and fat. He made a disgusted face while looking at me, shook his head and said, “of all the beautiful, fit women, how did he get stuck with me”. He said I disgust him and he is so disappointed in who I have become. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you in your relationship and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. It is not okay for you to be treated that way, you do not deserve this, and it is not normal or healthy to be talked to like that. We are relieved to hear that you recognize this behavior as “body shaming”, because none of what he says is true. What you are describing is not only body shaming but also a form of emotional abuse. We are so sorry, again, that you are experiencing this within your relationship. But we want you to know that you are not alone. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor and get connected to services, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

my abuser is in prison for the third time. this time he beat me in the head and i have serious damage and i leave next month to cleveland clinic for more testing. he began emailing me from the prison and hasnt even been charged for any of the other violations he did, i am at a lose here and my town wont help my family and he only got 18 month. he blamed his drugs on me so i got indicted at 36 for my first felony or drug charge and i need serious help or this man will kill me. who do i contact for serious help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. This sounds like a very serious situation, and we have many services such as Legal, Safe Shelter, Counseling, and more that may be of help to you. Our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, and we help people who are experiencing Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking situations. If you are located in Sacramento and needing help with your situation, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can get you connected to services and resources. However if you are located outside of Sacramento, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) . 
My ex slammed me against my car several times one night and keyed my car, i left home that night because i did not want to deal with the cops or him in that situation because i was hysterical and having panic attacks, he called me as i was leaving and threatened to go to my family and my job, if i tell him to never come to my house ever again and he does, can the police do anything about it? i feel unsafe around him. We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
My husband had a court order to do a domestic violence testing in the state of idaho. The person who does the test his lawer none has the info on the test he is supposed to do. Now what happens he cant go vack to court until the testing is done Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
Can you refer me to a divorce attorney who specializes in divorcing a narcissist? I have been emotionally abused for decades. I am a smart strong woman but he has told lies that have destroyed my relationships with my kids and is incapable of being rationale. It should be an easy divorce but I know he will make it a nightmare. I need someone who will be a strong advocate but not invite him to do more damage. Please let me know. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
I got married Feb 20th to a man who I thought was charming, intelligent and very untuned to me. He’s an ex crack head and Alcoholic. He’s been married 4 times prior to me and has a line of bad relationships. Well, he has anger issues and he was a womanizer. Well, we went to elementary school together so I thought, I know him I’ll give him a try and we started dating in 2017…. things went pretty quickly. Well, he cheated on me 10 days after he moved in with me with the girl he was seeing before me. Oh, and he was living with another woman when we started dating, but he told me that he was staying there with her and her boyfriend who was his friend. Well, long story short, when I voice my feelings he takes that on 10 and it typically leads to him chocking me and pushing me and screaming and hollering at me. Well, he’s back in jail for it again (2nd time) and he had a case in ATL with his ex wife too. My question: since he was still on probation with my case, and now it’s happened again with me and he’s been arrested, will he more than likely spend a year in jail? I spoke before the judge the first time and the no contact was dropped and he was able to come home after serving 3 weeks. I’m going to get a ppo on him and hope they keep him a year so I can divorce him while he’s in jail. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry you are experiencing that kind of treatment with your current partner. Based on what you share it seems you are in a domestic violence relationship and that you have taken action before where he has been removed from the home, although he comes back later and the cycle starts all over again. Since your questions are legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you are experiencing and work on ending the cycle. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process at 916.920.2952.
 
This happened to me and we got in to argument and he throw the phone to me and I throw it back the daughter call police because it was our first fight after so many years marriage and they arrest him now we have court date and I love him so much he does to what would think it’s gonna happen what punishment he will get is it possible they take him to jail I don’t want him in jail Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471.If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
Can I press chargers to a person who has a dvo order if I have changed my mind Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today with your question. If we understood your question correctly, yes it is within your rights to press charges against this person, and can do so by contacting the non-emergency line of your local law enforcement agency or going in in-person to do a report. Please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, if you need any further support with this situation. 

Before we were married my husband (boyfriend at the time) blacked out on me while he was drunk and his sister thought he was going to kill me that night how he was acting he never laid a hand on me but broke other things She drove 2 hrs to come get me. I went back. After our first son was born he blacked out on me smashed my phone and took the car keys. I had to call the cops to leave that night. He said he was done drinking. He has blacked out a few more times where he said he was going to hit me and his buddies stood up and said if your going to hit any one it will be me. I warned him the last time if he ever blacked out on me again it would be his last. Well he did it again and this time he told me id be lucky to see the light of day again. I told him that I want a divorce it was your last chance. He says I am tearing our family apart and going to break the kids heart. He said things will change and he’s done drinking. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you have been going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can only imagine how upsetting and hurtful it has been to experience this within your relationship, and we commend your strength and courage. We support you with whatever you feel are the next steps in your process, and we have lots of services we feel could be helpful to you, such as Counseling, Legal, even Emergency Shelter. Although we cannot tell you what to do, since you are your best advocate and only you know what is best for you, all we can do is offer support, access to services, and resources within the community. If you would like to discuss this situation further with a crisis counselor, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I’ve been with my husband just over 7 years, married for 4 years. We’ve had a beautiful loving relationship for most of those years. He is a recovering drug addict/alcoholic. I was not with him during his using years. We met and married after he was clean and sober for about 5 years. This past year he started taking Adderall for ADHD. He definitely has ADHD, but we’ve always been nervous for him to try an addictive prescription drug to help with it. He made the choice to give it a try. He started to change in his behaviors and has become more self absorbed and less concerned with family life. We’ve had more arguments than ever. I mentioned to him a few times that I was worried, but he always put my worries to rest. Last weekend he became agitated over what seemed like something small. He started calling me horrible names, I got upset and defensive. I did grab his shoulders during our argument and in turn he pushed me away. I landed hard onto our living room floor. I wish things would’ve stopped there, but they didn’t . He then lost complete control and threw me in a chair, grabbed me by the face, jaw, and neck repeatedly. He was so angry. I tried to leave but he did not allow that and it only made him angrier. After it was all over, he we crying and said he felt awful. I ended up with a large bruise on my wrist, swollen lip, and cheek. Most of my face was sore including my nose. I also had a 1 inch long cut next to my nose. I am pretty shaken by the whole thing and can’t seem to get passed it. He is now telling me that if I wouldn’t have freaked out on him it would’ve never happened. He’s saying that once I own my part in the situation I will be able to feel better and move on. He has also admitted to his dependency of the prescription adderall and has started his recovery process again. I’m so confused. I don’t know if I should stay and try to work things out or stay. It’s amazing how one incident can change 7 years just like that. Feeling sad, confused, and alone. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

Who can I get in contact with about gaining help in child custody family law cases? 

What organization can get some laws changed for domestic violent victims and their children – for more protection over the abuser?

Women are all able to escape but what happens when the children cannot because of court orders, what about the protection of the innocent children ? How are we supposed to help our children have a better future and break the cycle of abuse if the courts allow the children to be placed in the abusers care? 
This is not justice nor is this going to help the children have a better future. We need to do something to help the children. Please.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, you have brought up some very valid and unfortunately true points here. The justice system is incredibly unjust at times, and is still growing in supporting survivors. Our agency offers Legal services surrounding the areas of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and more, and we may be able to provide you assistance/support with your Child Custody case. To receive legal support please call the Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, if your case is through Sacramento County. If your case is outside of Sacramento County please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to receive resources in your county. We hear your frustrations, and we want you to know that there are many organizations in the community who are fighting for victims and fighting to challenge the laws and legislation that oppress them. But it is an uphill battle and will not happen overnight. We appreciate the support of amazing advocates like yourself who are fighting for those who cannot always fight for themselves. 

My partner put their hands on me once and I left.
I filed for and am getting a divorce.

[Yes, as it turns out, there was much financial abuse which I didn't recognize and didn't find out how much until my attorney discovered a secret bank account].

I have domestic violence counseling and a supportive boss at work.

In my new city, people have been telling me things like, “You are beautiful. Are you married? I want to go out with you…”

I have zero desire to date anyone right now, and zero desire to date anyone who thinks shallow flattery will get them anywhere with me.

I have been doing all the things to take care of myself but how do I stop giving off signals to creeps that I am vulnerable?

I have become more assertive so that is great. Something in me must still be shouting “victim” and i want to stop that.

I also didn’t know that being violent in front of me– even when not directed at me– is also domestic violence. This part of the message is not getting communicated to the public.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings, we want to commend you for speaking out as we are certain this is an incredibly common emotional experience for a survivor and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. It sounds like you are truly setting yourself up for success with the changes you have made in your life, including a really great support system. But we want to gently remind you that healing is a process, a journey, and it is not always the most straightforward one. I’m sorry you have been having the experience of receiving unwanted attention, that is truly unfortunate but we want to remind you that you are not giving off some sort of signal. We are not saying that that behavior is ok, but I think recognizing that it isn’t your fault or about you is important. This might be a good situation to discuss with your therapist, they may have some tips for how to handle those triggering situations. Please be kind to yourself in this imperfect process, healing changes daily and sometimes it may seem like you are ten steps forward and the next day twenty steps backwards but it’s still steps. 
My friend of 55 years has custody of her grandson, after fighting a long hard battle for him. She, her daughter and grandson, left Colorado and moved back to Sacramento, their original home town. Her daughter was talked into returning to Colorado for a visit, by her ex abusive boyfriend. While there she got into trouble and went to jail. Her son was taken by the court and put into foster care. It took over a year and 2 extended trips to Colorado for the court to finally grant her custody. Her daughter was pregnant again. After she was released from jail they made her stay in Colorado for probation until after her second son was born. They finally got back to Sacramento about a year ago. They have been living with my friend. Her daughter is having some mental problems and has started getting abusive to my friend. The cops have been called out many times and twice they took the daughter in for observation but was released after being treated for bipolar disorder. The abuse has gotten progressively worse and my friend wants her daughter to leave. The problem is that she only has custody of one grandchild and if she kicks her out, the daughter will take the other child. She is worried for his safety and can’t risk his safety for hers. She needs to find a way to get her out and keep both boys with her. She needs to file a restraining order on her daughter but can’t legally kick her out without a 30 day notice. The daughter will not give her any kind of custody and accuses her of stealing her other son. The cops only had one suggestion for her, to contact Weave to see if she can get help. Her daughter takes her car keys and phone from her all the time. I am contacting you with her consent, hoping for information, without her daughter finding out. I told her to leave with both boys and disappear for a while, but she is afraid there could be kidnapping charges filed against her. Can you suggest the best way for her to go about getting this whole thing solved? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that your friend is going through this and we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. You are a wonderful advocate for your friend and we appreciate you reaching out on her behalf. This is certainly a very complex situation, and we feel that it would be beneficial for your friend to receive some legal support for this situation. It sounds like a restraining order may be a safe option, as well as pursing a Child Custody situation. Please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so that we can assess her situation further and refer to the appropriate Legal resource. 
My wife and I are currently going through a divorce. She came home, more than likely drunk, and began verbally abusing me with not so classy language. Told me to leave, not that nicely, I said no. She proceeded to physically pull the pillows from under my head with all strength, I had one locked under my arm which she ended up pulling me to the floor with it. I got up, laid back down in bed and she then got on top of me to smother me (honestly think it was to make me uncomfortable so I’d get up). I told her this was nice and patted her back and said I missed her (I didn’t know what to do other than make her feel uncomfortable to get off me.) She didn’t, so I rolled her off me to my left side. She started to feign that I shoved her, with great force then ran to my 5 year old son’s room. Fearing for his safety, I followed and attempted to push the door open. I never gained entry before I heard her screaming that I was choking her over and over. I immediately called the police and went outside to wait. Cops came, already separated they began their questioning. I told my side and the other cop came down and said she admitted that I never touched her. They said no crime was committed, gave some advice on being in different homes until the divorce and left…I was so relieved that she didn’t seriously go off the deep-end and self-inflict wounds to have me hauled off in handcuffs that I was happy I wasn’t being taken away in handcuffs to even think…WHAT? I called, why didn’t they ask me if I wanted to press charges? Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. If you have questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
I’m 39 years old. My older brother David, 59 years old, has been abusive all my life. My parents never did anything about him. Brothers and sisters just fight. He’s 20 years older than me. When I was a kid he was an adult. He has knocked several teeth out when I was a minor. After mom died last year, he has gotten more and more violent. In April our brother’s doctor called me with questions on our way to the hospital. While I was talking, to the doctor, David hit me up the face with his laptop. Broke some more teeth and came a hair from breaking my nose. I bit through my upper lip. Police came. He threatened to kill me in front of them (they had body cams). I sent the victims advocate my order of protection paperwork, medical bills, etc. Was notified today that he was only getting 2 years probation. No jail time at all. She said, “The next time he hits you, just me know”. He’s been doing this for 39 years! He’s always getting a slap on the wrist with a “don’t do it anymore”. What does it take to lock him up? He’s physically abusive to our father and his mother in law. They are both in their late 80s. Dad won’t do anything about him. His mother in law has an order of protection on him too. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.
 

Hi I live in Iowa I’m new to Iowa after a divorce I took a chance and started dating someone I had been talking to my social media this guy is the most psychotic dangerous person I’ve ever encountered he is friends with a police officer in the nearby town I have told the police officers everything that he is doing and because he sells meth to an officer he’s Big Man on Campus and they wont do anything about what he’s doing he’s on probation he stalks me he abuses me threatens me if you saw my face right now I could provide proof of abuse he has tried planting drugs in my car in my home last week he broke my door I don’t know what to do I cannot go to the police this guy is a daily use user of methamphetamines and I’ve even contact us a probation officer and they have not tested him I am so scared out of my mind. I’m moving next Saturday. He’s already on to my location.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding your situation, we are so sorry you are going through this and we want to commend your courage and bravery in reaching out today. We feel that the steps you have taken to protect yourself, while they may seem ineffective, are very smart and courageous. We feel it may be helpful to connect with a domestic violence agency in your area who might have more supportive resource to provide you, and since our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, we would like to encourage you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). They can help you get connected to resources in your community. 
My son who turned 13 year old son a few days has recently and somewhat suddenly turned angry and violent. I have sent him to go live with his father who lives nearby. I don’t think his father intended to be a full time parent and it is not convenient for him and it breaks my heart. We agreed to have him come to my house a few days a week. When I went to pick him up from school he got angry yelled at me through chairs around and charged me. I think he hit and scratched my face. He took my hat and stopped on it. The security guard was on hand he had been sitting next to my son in his gym class so my son must have been misbehaving before I got there. I don’t. It all happened do fast but it is two hours later and my nose still hurts and a spot on my cheek so that is why I think he hit me. I know he pushed me, maybe on my face? He then tore things off of the wall in the hall and kicked the wall a few times. I told the people at the school to let him go and tell him to goto his dad’s house. They escorted him off the school grounds. 

Anyway if he does this again should I have him arrested? I don’t want him in Juvenile hall but I am worried about him and his willingness to hit me. What if he hits his brother or his girlfriend or wife when he grows up. Will having him arrested help??
Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how difficult this situation is and we want to do everything we can to support you. If we are understanding your message correctly it sounds like your son has recently developed some violent coping mechanisms that are impacting not only your safety but perhaps the safety of other students. We are so sorry this is happening and we can understand why you would be concerned. However, we do not feel that having your son arrested is the best or most immediate solution. What you have described here is a behavioral issue and it is normal for children to have some changes in behavioral when going through puberty but these violent tendencies, if not approached, could become a normal response. We feel that perhaps some anger management-based counseling would be incredibly appropriate for your son, and have plenty of resources for them. We also might suggest partnering with the school counselor if that is an option and they might have further Counseling or supportive resources. They also may be able to get your connected to resources that can help you in coping and responding in these situations. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to supportive resources for your son, 916.920.2952. 
Am I the only one who doesn’t know how to let go of a abusive person. It just seems like I’m ready to stay away and he’ll contact me and get me to believe him and listen to him. I also wonder if I’m the only person at my age, I’m in my 50, going through this. I’m so depressed and frustrated with myself and I feel it’s my fault cause I’m dumb enough to go back you know. Anyway just wondering Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings today, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want you to know that you are not alone. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. There are so many people who are experiencing what you describe and that is incredibly common within abusive relationships. There is so much manipulation and control that occurs so it makes it almost impossible to get away, physically and emotionally, so those lingering feelings you are having are extremely normal. What may be helpful to you is to attend some form of group counseling where you can process among other survivors who may have had similar experiences so you can begin to heal and feel less alone. If you would like more information on Counseling services, get connected to resources within the community, or to speak to a crisis counselor, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
How can I talk to my grown son about the effects of DV on him? He was five when I left his dad and he doesn’t remember any of it. Recently I told him it might be good to bring up the effect dv has had on him with his therapist – he told me he didn’t think dv was part of his life. So, maybe that’s good, but it also means he does not have a concept of what his siblings and I went through. His older brother was beaten with a cutting board, I was dragged off a bed and choked/hit in the face etc. Any advice is so appreciated. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.
Ok a guy I have known all my life txt me out the blue and was asking me about a mutual cousin. I had no information on her. I guess he thought I was lying. So he starts telling me he is going to roll up on me and bring his vice lords and gangs. So when my 19 year got home I told him what all this guy had said to me. My son txt him telling him don’t ever disrespect his mother like that so he responds back and starts telling my son that he would kill and would make his son watch him kill him while he took his last breath. He told my son he didn’t give a f**k about his life nor his mama’s life. This guy has been in jail most of his life and does nothing but cause trouble. What can I have done about these threats since he screaming he is going to bring these gangs into the situation. The royal gangsters and vice lords. Said he has killed for alot less. We are the Mississippi area We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening.  Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. If you are in immediate danger, you can always call 911.
 
after three years of signing complaints and taking all steps to seek help for our 13 year old daughter violent outburst (not just at home, at school church, and other parent’s home) making false allegations (were to be unfounded, she wasn’t with us during the week that she said it happened) and nothing happening to her (or us till now,) how can they press charges in a different county for me slapping her after she punched, kicked and spit in my my face? I asked for her to be put in residential care, and after almost 6 months of asking, after doing the same behaviors against foster-mother they did it. How she ended up in state custody was because I sought medical treatment after having my head bounce off a door 5 weeks after she punched me in the face, and lost hearing (short amount of time). The officer told me I was not allowed to be checked medically because I was her mom and had to sit with her. I tried to file a complaint with a supervisor of the officer and got told they were going to put her in state custody before 1130 pm while we were both checked into the emergency room (the admitting nurse and her supervisor checked me in as an abuse victim knowing I would not be able to sit with our daughter). They said I rather kill myself than set with her (never not sit with her until this day) and that I abandon her even though I went through the hospital with okay from admitting nurse and supervisor to get treatment. I was not given a psychological evaluation or even treatment because the officer informed the doctor of his opinion of what he thought was going on…. I now how charges for domestic against me, even though I didn’t not restrain her (my husband did, and has not charges) and only pushing her away from and trying to keep her from kicking by holding her feet down, with hands. I don’t understand why now or even why when asked for help from dss, juvenile office doctors office and even church. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
I truly have a girlfriend 72 years old with Parkinson’s and she is in a wheelchair most of the time although PT is still occurring and she is able to fast walk some from the Kitchen to the hallway, maybe 20 ft. Her husband of over 40 years puts on a show when we are around. He is very impatient with her, according to her, he calls her a Bitch and curses at her daily. She is a Christian and he claimed to be too at one time. But she is no angel, she wakes him up in the middle of the night and asks him for water or her laptop or to go to the bathroom. So they have broken sleep, I just know that it is BOTH of their fault, but you cannot change someone else, only yourself. I tell her to answer more softly and be quiet more often to show him that he is wrong instead of telling me he’s wrong all of the time. He throws things and she is afraid to tell anyone because he will hurt her. They retired, and now life is nothing like they hoped and planned. Friends have left them. She threatens to tell Pastor and he threatens her not to tell. We have prayed for them, given them to God, but it is such a helpless feeling listening to them, I cannot imagine being one of them in the midst of all of this hatred daily. We spend as much time with them as we can but I don’t see it helping the other days of the week. Others from church come and we do a Bible Study together, he never says a word. This is the man that used to be a Head Elder of our church. We share a meal and he’ll pray but I’m not sure it is from his heart or just for show. They never come to church any longer, she misses church. What more can we do or say? Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that your friend is experiencing this within their relationship. Based on what you shared it seems they might be in a domestic violence relationship. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If they would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if they would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If they live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

i overdosed on pills to commit suicide and i went to my boyfriend for help and i passed out. i awoke to him sexually assaulting me. can i press charges? It happened over a year ago but I have text messages where he admits it

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we want to start by saying we are so sorry that this happened to you. We can only imagine how upsetting it has been for you this past year and we want to say that we are so proud of you for your courage and bravery in reaching out for support. Yes, you can definitely press charges and having those text messages will be incredibly helpful in that process. We also want you to know that this is not something you have to go through alone. We have many services such as Counseling, Advocacy and Legal that could be helpful to you with this situation. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to speak further with a crisis counselor and get access to our services. You are not alone in this, we believe you and we are here for you every step of the way. 
My boyfriend is addicted to sex and meth. He will use for 6 months get clean and use again. Every time he gets sober he’s sweet and financially supportive then little by little he starts to verbally and emotional abuse me then he starts to get financially and physically abusive towards me. 

It’s been five years of this behavior each year getting worse. He’s had me evicted at 4 different residences. 

Which brings me to my present situation. I’ve been evicted for a month now and I’m 6 months pregnant. I went to welfare and was approved for temporary housing for 16 days. 

He’s back to his addiction of meth and sexual addiction in which he will do nothing but watch porn for days on end. 

So tonight he decided to kick me out of the motel room. I have my car but my license is suspended so I don’t want to risk driving anywhere.

I have nowhere to go and it is 10:00 pm on Sunday night? 

What can I do?
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your situation, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want you to know that you are not alone, we are here to help you and support you. What you have been going through is not ok, violence has no place in a healthy relationship, and you deserve to be somewhere where you can feel safe and be supported. We have resources that we feel could be helpful to you in this situation, such as Emergency Shelter or other shelter-based resources not only in Sacramento County but outlying counties as well. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to get connected to those resources, 916.920.2952. Crisis counselor’s can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources. We are here for you. 

My soon to be ex husband has said to me multiple times that the motorcycle club he is a part of is watching me. That even if I move out of state they are a nation wide and I will be safe no where.
His girlfriend who is also in a motorcycle club has said she will kick my ass and I’m being watched.
I just want to be left alone.
Suggestions?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry you are going though this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can imagine how scary this situation is for you, and we want you to know that you are not alone. It sounds like you are concerned about your safety due to the threats made against you by both your ex and his girlfriend who are in a motorcycle club. We want to support you in taking action to protect yourself so you can feel safe and be left alone. Is law enforcement aware of your situation? They might be able to grant you an emergency protective order. If not we could provide you resources on getting a Restraining Order or connect you to our Legal Team for further support if your situation is occurring within their scope of practice which is Sacramento County. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for further support. 

My friend is super quiet and talks about sex when she does talk. She limps when she walks and talked to a large man and then had to leave. She always wears black and sometime wears long sleeved shirts. Something just doesn’t sit right… Is she being abused?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we can imagine how confusing and worrisome this situation is and we commend you for being an amazing advocate for your friend. Without knowing more about her situation it is hard for us to give you a firm answer on whether or not she is being abused, however we would like to encourage you to share your concerns with your friend if you feel it is safe to do so. Some things you may say are: I’ve noticed you have been dressing differently lately and I just want to make sure you are ok? That way it is a much lighter conversation that leaves her room to open up if she feels the need to. If you need further support with this issue please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  
My girlfriend has done several questionable things as of late including accusing my best friend of being obsessed with me, commenting on the length of my showers and imply that I am cheating with a mutual friend. She apologizes often but nothing is changing and I’m worried that this is going to be what our relationship looks like from now on. I love her so much but I don’t like how this is making me feel. Is there a way to seek help for her, or do I need to take care of myself? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I know someone that is in an abusive situation and there’s been several times she aquired head injuries ever to the point she said she thinks she has a seizure once from her head being pushed to the ground while she was sitting cross legged and she said she felt three cracks from hey neck down her doing spine. but she uses secretly to help with pain, but he told her if she goes to the doctor he will lie and call her an addict and tells her whole family and friends and that she will lose her kid, so she won’t go to the doctors. But I’m pretty sure she had a concussion. She’s been complaining of horrible headaches that make her sick, and she hasn’t been herself. Is there a doctor she can go to that won’t judge her but just make sure she’s okay? I’m really worried about her having a serious injury but she won’t go out of fear. If you have any suggestions please lmk because if so I think I could convince her to go, and get the help she needs. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your friend, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important for your friend to reach out to their doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that deter her from getting medical help. She is the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with the doctor. If you or your friend need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
 
Amy and I wish her dead our lives would be easier. Quote that was the text he sent his second girlfriend Arthur died can’t remember any year don’t know what to do he does own a gun he doesn’t want to pay me alimony I’m the mother of his child we have been married 20 years and live in the state of Florida just want to know what I should do about that text it’s a little scary Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
A few months back I had a fight with my husband and cops ended up in my house. I lied about something and now my husband is in jail for aggravated assault with deadly weapon for what I said, in fact he never had a weapon, I was drunk and tried to cut myself he just took it away from me. I do not want to get in trouble, I do not want to be in jail and is embarrassing if my parents findout I lied. If I tell the truth on court day will I get in a big trouble? This happened in January 2019 in Texas. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.
 
Hello,I need some advice. I have been with my partner 6 months and we are now married. I was aware of a court case with his ex partner regarding his child. The case alleges domestic and emotional abuse which he always denied. Some of the allegations are very extreme. I do not believe they are possible. Over time he has shown some controlling tendencies but says it’s stuff he is working on and it’s normally shut down pretty quickly. We have had a few arguments which nearly always start by him criticising me and me defending my opinion or reasons, often my response provocates him as he says he is trying to help and improve me. He always calms down in the end and apologises. He always explains that some things trigger him to remember his ex and brings back the trauma which makes him wonder whether all her alleged abuse is true (the emotional side of things). He said she has an anger problem and the abuse was actually the other way round whereby she used to hit him and pull his hair.He has gone away for some time and left all the court paperwork in the house. I had seen some allegations before but have now seen some police reports from years ago that allege abuse. The recent fact finding hearing was found in his ex partners favour, she could not agree with all the allegations as there was no evidence, but a voice recording of one of their arguments (which I have not heard) was enough for her to say that she thinks it is likely he is controlling and manipulative and has been emotionally abuse. I’m scared he may be lying to me and this may get progressively worse over time. However he has been wonderful to me and I believe his previous relationship was very toxic. I don’t know what to believe any more. I have no one to talk to on the matter and I know if I speak to friends or family they will freak out. He has only met a few of my friends and they can see we are happy together.It’s hard to judge whether I too am being manipulated. I can’t talk directly with him as he openly asked me in the beginning to question him, and I did and was satisfied. I’m not sure whether bringing up stuff again is just my paranoia, and he is beginning to forget all the stuff that has happened so I feel like it’s best forgotten? I appreciate any advice you may have. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Love can be a very complex thing; If all parties involved work hard at maintaining open lines of communication, and treat each other with dignity and respect, the relationship has a better chance of lasting. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

Who do I call when 911 Sacramento sherrifs dpt fails me? I’ve called 911 2xs now on my neighbor for throwing his wife to the ground. As I was on the phone with 911 he was outside hiding his gun. I was telling the 911 operator this. Sherrifs dpt came out done nothing. A month ago he called 911 saying she was having a seizure. Zero history if seizures. He beat her up pretty bad. She wasn’t able to say what happened due to her condition. We know the fear and issues that come with why the abused stays. I just called 911 on him for hitting her and they showed up said we got a report of fighting going on here, the abuser says nothing going on here and they left. So when the sherrif dpt fails u repeatedly what other option are there before shes dead. Btw he punched her in the nose and try to chock her today. Took cops 45 min to get here. From what my x-cop sister says if we dont show up right away we dont care.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we also want to thank you for being an amazing advocate for your neighbor’s wife. What you have described sounds horrible and we are so saddened to hear that that was  your experience with law enforcement. Unfortunately we do not have a straightforward answer to your question, because we are not a law enforcement-based agency and cannot speak on issues regarding jurisdiction and responding to cases. However, our agency works closely with law enforcement in the community and even have embedded advocates within some agencies. Our main concern in responding and speaking to this situation would be to try and support her in getting services and resources to help her. We have many services, like Counseling, Emergency Shelter, Legal, and so many more, as well as resources within the community that could be helpful to her. Please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we will do everything we can to help her. 

I am the youngest of 3 daughters. I’ve been helping my elderly parents. My oldest sister 53 was homeless and moved in with us, along with her 23 year old daughter. My Mom has some Alzheimer’s. She is verbally, physically and psychologically abusing me and my Mom. Although she does not get physical with my Mom..she still screams at her. My Dad abused my Mom and I growing up. He lives with us too, but does nothing to protect us. I am in my 40’s but am afraid to move out and leave my Mom. Social services were ” anonymously ” called. My sister says shes going to get me kicked out. She is psychotic and unstable. What do I do to protect my Mom and myself ? My Psychiatrist knows all about my sisters abuse, as does many of my friends. I gave the worker all of that info.
My Mom is 81 years old. Her and I cannot take much more. 
As a result I’ve developed heart problems. I’ve always been so healthy. Help !!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we cannot imagine how upsetting this must be for you. It sounds like a very complex, challenging family situation and we are glad you were brave enough to take the stands that you did. Is Adult Protective Services involved in the situation? If a caseworker has been assigned, we would encourage you to communicate with them frequently as well as contacting law enforcement to file incident reports regarding what is occurring. We would also like to ask you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can provide you with resources for agencies that specialize in family violence. Again, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. 
i am disabled,i use a prescription pain killer,my wife steals my pain medicine,and she uses other legal and illegal drugs(may be),contacted local police department and they said that they cannot do nothing,contacted her and mine doctor,also he said that he cannot do any thing,what to do Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you have been going through this with your wifes. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial for you to seek out counseling services and receive support. You might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options.We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My best friend is being abused by her boyfriend and she went to the police and brought them pictures for evidence that he put his hands on her plus she made a statement and had all the bruises and and scars to prove it in person. She left him at the time she went to the police which was a few weeks ago but then she went back to him after they told her to stay away from him… he wants her to remove the warrant they have for his arrest is that possible? Can she actually tell the cops she wants to remove the warrant? I just don’t want her to do this anymore i wish she would just let this piece of crap go but shes so blindly in love with him… Can I please get some advice so I can let her know not to even go there and try to remove the warrant because I honestly think she is the one who will end up in trouble for supposedly misleading the cops but I have no idea how that works… Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter and you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. If you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. If you or your friend would like to talk to someone about their experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
My wife was in a physical altercation picking up her son from her ex husbands house. He yelled in her face an and pushed her from behind into a wall. What is my/our recourse or options.

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you and your wife are going through with her ex-husband. That sounds really hard to be going through. Unfortunately, if your wife doesn’t want help, you can’t force her to get it. That has to be a decision she makes on her own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you and your wife to make the best choice that works for your family. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.

My adult son and I moved into an apartment in California recently. He and I both signed the lease. He agreed to pay utilities and I pay the rent. He has since decided he wasn’t going to pay until I apologize to him. He has been bullying me with texts for over a week and I have to lock my bedroom door because I’m afraid he might do something. What can I do? I want him out.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

I was part of a domestic assault from my husband. There was a report made and charges filed right along with a no contact order filed as well. We have a 6 year old daughter and when I left for a battered wemons shelter she went with me. I left my husband have her for the weekend cuz I’m not one to try and take away there child but now he refuses to let me have her back. What do I do? My daughter is my world. And he has used taking her away from me before and he knows it drives a spike in my chest to go along with what’s hes done to me physically.. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through at the moment. If you live in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling and legal services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.
 
I was a resident at a Men’s Domestic Violence Shelter in 2018. Seeking refuge from a home invasion kidnapping that happened to me at my home in KCK. While I was a resident there I was attacked by my roommate a man who the manager New was dangerous. The overnight advocate was asleep with a sleep apnea mask strapped to his head. I need to know what type of insurance do Domestic Violence Shelters carry. Homeowners????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.


 
My partner (fiancé) will not leave my house. I’ve asked more times than I can count. The house is in my name and I keep asking to go. I’m seven months pregnant now and he’s strangled me / pushed me / hit me / yelled / screamed. Part of it is he struggles with alcohol. I’m afraid to lose my home but I’m more afraid that I’ll lose this baby, if he won’t leave. Do I have any rights? Can I do anything about him not leaving? Please help any advice would be appreciated thank you Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your child, their number is 916.875.5437. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources,  we do offer a variety of Counseling and legal services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My ex-boyfriend has severe anger problems that seem to be getting worse as time goes by. The past week it reached new levels that I have never seen before. He grabbed me, swung a glass bottle towards the back of my head (it did not hit me), and threw a chair across our living room. A day later he seemed to be back to normal. We live in different states and see each other on the weekends. My friend was in a car accident yesterday and I offered to take her to the hardware store. Upon the drive home, I start to receive dozens of dozens of calls from which I ignored because I felt this was not going to be good. Then I start to receive dozens of profanity laced text messages stating horrible things about. Finally, he told me that he called the police and reported my car as stolen. Although, the car belongs to me. The harassment got so bad that I had to block him across the board on everything. How should I go forward? One friend told me that I should report the harassment to the police because there is fear that he might show up to my home. Another, felt that I should inform his employer because he’s in a field that is around a lot of people and having that sort of rage can be detrimental to their safety. What should I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if your former abuser ever assaults you again. If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

My sister is 8 months pregnant with a boyfriend that checks off all the boxes for emotional and mental abuse. Most recently he’s threatened to physically hurt her, or wait until she gives birth to their child and then hurt her and put her back in the hospital if she doesn’t give him money. Is there anything we can do as her family legally to make him reconsider his words and potential actions? I’ve asked her to report him and she breaks down into tears saying she doesn’t want him to go to jail, but I’m concerned for her safety and in the future, the baby’s safety.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry to hear about what your sister is experiencing in her relationship and we cannot imagine how hard it is to see her go through that. You are an amazing support system and advocate for her and we sincerely appreciate you reaching out on her behalf. That takes courage. From what you described, this sounds like a very serious situation and we are concerned for the safety of your sister and her baby. We have a few suggestions on possible action that could be taken to help your sister. You could contact law enforcement and ask them to do a welfare check on her, so that she may possibly feel safer and want to talk to them about whats happening and maybe take some action to protect herself. You could also contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, all the advocates who provide support on that line are mandated reporters and can do a CPS report on your behalf for her. If you would like to discuss this further please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have a friend, who has a friend, that has been married to her husband for 30 years. From my knowledge, he’s never physically abused her, just mentally and emotionally. She has brought up divorce and he has threatened her. My friend has opened her home to her friend, if she ever wanted to leave. Her friend is afraid of what her husband may do to all surrounding people who help her. She’s afraid to leave him. Is there a report the wife can make? What can she do? Can I call to see if PD is willing to make a home visit? I don’t want the day where something does happen and it’s too late.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to your friend and we want to thank you for being such an amazing advocate to her. We can only imagine how hard it is to see your friend go through this, but we have lots of support and services we feel could be helpful to her. To answer your more specific questions, she could definitely do a report with law enforcement where she could possibly press charges and get an emergency protective order. You could also call and ask them to do a welfare check on her if you feel she is in danger. You could also give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and ask her to call us. Our crisis counselors can assess her situation further, get her connected to our services as well as resources within the community. 

I had enough of his mental abuse telling me my home is not mine everything is all the money in the bank is his and I can’t touch none of it and that’s why he took my name off of my savings joint account with them he forged my name and I was never aware of that until now I want to know what I have to do and is she going to go to jail is the big picture because I am tired of being abused and neglected by so-called husband that cares about me but he doesn’t kiss about the money he doesn’t want me to have nothing he says everything is not mine but I know half of everything is mine I just don’t know how you go about the forgery of the joint account savings account I need to know what to do next. He had no right to forge my name to take me off of my savings account with him a joint account all that money in there is not mine says it’s his she has nothing and when my name was on the joint account I barely went to the bank to get money she did that when I took out $100 so I can pay my bills and that’s what he was up to set about and that’s why he forged my signature to take me off of my account with them

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are dealing with some financial abuse within your relationship as well as other forms of abuse. Financial abuse, although not discussed as often as the other types of abuse, is tremendously common. Financial Abuse may include withholding resources, stealing from the victim, or using the victims name to incur debt. We want you to know you are not alone and we are here to help you. We have Legal Advocates who may be able to provide support in this area, and you can contact them by leaving a message at 916.319.4944. However, their scope of practice is only through Sacramento County, so if your case would be occurring outside of that please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more resources in your community.  

Hi I was bullied into signing my divorce papers almost 3 years ago . I was thrown out of our marital home after being married for almost 3 years I was threatened and blackmailed into signing the divorce agreement without representation . I was emotionally and psychologically abused by a narcissist for the week that I was moving out of state . I feel that the divorce agreement was very weak and I’m still paying debts from the marriage on a very meager salary my ex will not help me with any credit card debt anything like that. I was a domestic in the marriage I didn’t have a job he is a very well-off owns his own home I’m living in a trailer . He came down here on a week vacation with his new girlfriend without telling me and was in establishments that I visit frequently I almost walked in on them . What the hell I’ve been through emotionally the past 2 1/2 years I don’t know how I would’ve reacted to a surprise and shock like that so I’m thinking of getting a restraining order to.
I was suicidal when he threw me out and totally traumatized and in shock . I didn’t recognize the man who is used to be my husband it was frightening !! I had all the neighbors on high alert because I didn’t know what he was capable of his anger was off the charts . I have a little money now that I feel I could sue him for emotional damage and for breach of contract and to get some of this debt.
I just want to stand up for myself in the way that I was not able to at the time . Is it too late to get a lawyer and fight him he’s in another state our divorce is final but I was thinking of opening up a new case with all of my mental health documentation.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding this situation, we are so sorry for everything you went through and can only imagine how traumatizing that all was. It is not okay how you were treated and how this all came about, and we can understand why you would want to take legal action. Unfortunately we cannot answer specific legal questions on this forum. Is you case through Sacramento County? If so, you can contact our Legal Advocates to learn more about your options and your rights, at 916.319.4944. Our legal advocates scope of practice is Sacramento County so if your case would be outside that please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get connected to further resources in your community or the National DV Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). 

My husband of 10 years is probably having some mental problems, since from time to time we fight over the fact that he “works”, and he hates to work or at least what he says. He is normally very shy, and not so capable person. I was forced to open my own company and have him a job 8 years ago, since most places he went people abused his kindness. He should be happy that i did so many sacrifices to have him work, and days off without concerns. .. [edited for content]…He jumped and hit me in the head really hard two times. I was on the sofa, and the slaps where so hard that I collapsed sideways. My face got red, and I told him I’ll call the cops. He jumped again and started to choke me, i was gasping for air, and he said that he would kill me before I call the cops. This is the 2nd time he is hitting me like that, only this time is harder. Last time my mom was on the phone with me and called 911, he got arrested.Me, being stupid cleared him out from all records, since I am ex- law enforcement, and have my ways. This time he was very violent and threatened my life by choking me. Its so ironic, I have sacrificed so much for this person to be productive in society, and this is what I get. I could’ve called 911, but I have upcoming law enforcement job opportunity and hold on to it because of that. Ultimately, my face is very swallowed and I feel really low. I do feel abused to the point where I question my safety. I have 2 small kids and everything that we own is under my name so I do not worry about this.I do believe he has other ways to fulfill his intimate needs, and punish me for the reason why he provides for the family. That to me seems mental issue. 
Not sure what to do. 
By the way, NOBODY hit me in the head that hard throughout my entire life.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your feelings and your situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we cannot imagine how upsetting this situation is. We want you to know that you are not alone, and that your experiences are unfortunate and incredibly common. Violence is not okay, and violence has no place in a healthy relationship. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We want you to know that you have options, and you should not have to live your life in fear. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and trained crisis counselors can provide you with the support you need, connection to our services, and resources within our community. 

My neighbor is constantly screaming at his six year old cursing and using the n word .Is there anything I can do to help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today, we understand that this sounds like a very upsetting situation and we want to do everything we can to help. All of us crisis counselors working on the 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, are mandated reporters whose duty it is to report child abuse or neglect. If you feel that the child mentioned is being abused or neglected, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line and we can assess the situation further in order to file a report if needed. Thank you for being a wonderful advocate for this community! 

My wife left me and me and her have a son together how i have with me at are home and she has her son im was step dad to but i found out that why wife wantd full custody of my son and i want full custody because the perosn she is trying ro be with is ready for this the othere baby daddy who is a convited felony child abuse naglect child indangerment and it was her other son that was besten by this man at age 3 and she is running back to him this can not ve legeal for her he has no right and i cant see how goting back to that man that almost killed your child is ok there has to be something i can do to stop her from makeing this desition i dont want my wife back but i dont wanna have to keep my son from her but my son will not be put in that type of postion ant advice would be great

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we appreciate your courage in reaching out today. This sounds like an incredibly upsetting situation and we cannot imagine what it feels like to go through this, we are so sorry. Based on what you described in your message, it sounds like you are looking for support in navigating some sort of Child Custody situation? If that is accurate then you would want to contact our Legal Advocates via the Legal Voicemail. That number is 916.319.4944, please leav your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly. However, our Legal Advocate’s scope of practice is through Sacramento County. If your legal situation is occurring outside of Sacramento County please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and be provided resources in your county. 
I really have no one to talk too about my situation. Two years ago, my husband hit me. I was trying to leave from his constant verbal and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for 28 years. For all these years he has had a porn addiction. He used my iPad to check his emails on it and never erased his account from my device. I noticed as in the past he was going to the bathroom with his phone for hours. I became curious and checked the emails. Well I was shocked at the filth and the chat rooms he was in. His Facebook showed young girls he had befriended and the YouTube accounts showed young possibly underage girls dancing and some yes stripping. I questioned him about what I had found and he didn’t denied any of it. This started the increase of verbal abuse towards me. I was trying to leave and I had my bags on my shoulder they were heavy. In front of his two adult daughters he held me down and he punched me in my shoulder. The impact caused the bags to fly off my shoulder and my rotator cuff to rip. My oldest daughter shout to her dad to stop and he better not ever hit me again. My husband admitted he hit me too. Till this day my daughters and husband has forgotten what happened and they say he never hit me. Is everyone but me suffering from amnesia… my shoulder hurts constantly and my daughters are verbally abusing me too. Why Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this with your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
 
I have 3kids . I am married for 17 yrs now . My husband was arrested for assault but was released on bail. Now he is back and is asking me to help him to change . He said he recognized his mistake and is doing for kids till they go to college. It’s 7 yrs to go for that . He promises that he will leave for while when he starts escalating . He said he needs support to become nice but also warns not to call police and get him arrested,
Can I trust him ? He has ruined by peace of mind by verbally abusing me , emotionally torturing me and economically making mock of me for earning low in come . He has hit me but not to extent of bleeding. I am economically dependent on him . Can you send me a copy of answer to following email Id? Thanks.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. We understand you would like us to reach out to you through your email, but due to confidentiality issues we can’t. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I am the victim of domestic violence when my 20yo step son stabbed me several times puncturing a lung where I spent nearly a week in the hospital. He was incarcerated immediately for attempted murder. 
His mother/my spouse immediately started supporting him. She retained an attorney that is the best in the state, tried mitigating the extent of the injuries, has constantly called him, the mail is always gone and seems that her concern is not for me.
I communicated my feelings of betrayal and insensitivity of the actions I endured. After our conversation/argument about the situation there is no resolve. I guess I would expect full support. Is that not possible due to the incident being her child?
I now have to fight for my rights as a victim since the state prosecutor is too busy to do anything with my case. The defense has hired a special investigation team to mitigate the damages.
What should I do?
It was all caused from drugs, he has threatened to kill me previously, very unstable person. I walked in the house, asked him to leave since my wife called me due to him being crazy throwing things around and being violent. I asked him to leave where he immediately began stabbing me.
What do I do in this case?!?!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this situation, we can only imagine how upsetting and horrible this must have been, we are so sorry that this happened. It sounds like you are looking for some legal advice, and we would love to support you in that. If you are able to, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can connect you with legal resources best suited for your situation. Again, we can only imagine how difficult this has been for you and we are terribly sorry. 

I’m very uncomfortable with my counselor and there has been violation of my confidentially domestic violence issues and problems with family and imtimate partner of about 10 years ago harassment sexual abuse how can i get away from falling victum to their..everyone knows each other conflict..slander too want to press charges 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want to do everything we can to help you. It is unclear what your question is exactly so if you could contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where we can provide you further support. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for two months and he found out I cheated he was upset we separated for a while then he found out I had a male friend which was only that, a friend, and he got angry and hit me twice he held me down to keep me from screaming and calling the police but I love him but now I want to press charges what should I do I’m still sore from the entire thing

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry you are going through this and want to commend you for your courage and bravery in reaching out today. We can only imagine how upsetting that must have been, and we want you to know that you are not alone. You have many options and support in navigating this process and we are here to help you. If you are interested in pressing charges, you can contact the Law Enforcement agency that has responded to your situation most recently, and if you are interested in having any support in that, such as possibly an advocate, you can contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We also have a Legal Line that you could call to leave a message for one of our Legal Advocates to return, that number is 916.319.4944. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County, and if you need resources and support outside of this county don’t hesitate to call our Support Line. Please know you are not alone and we are here for you. 
My husband threw me out of house on lies he got 2 year order protection threw me out with no money I am divorcing him now and he wants me to pay 50’percentvmarital debt Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, however we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.
 
I am an twenty something year old adult still living at home with my parents (the Bay Area is expensive, I’m saving to move out soon). I’ve been exposed to violence since an early age, my mother would discipline my sisters and I when we were younger, sometimes for no reason after her mother and brother died when I was in elementary school. Her brother moved in when I was in high school, after he got out of jail for beating his girlfriend, he used an object to crack her skull. Thankfully she has recovered and never took him back. Since then my uncle has been abusive to other partners and he got kicked out of my house when I was 17 after he choked his child’s mother, at our house. He had a newborn at the time and we let his girlfriend stay with her child, as we knew that my uncle was in the wrong. Fast forward 8 years and he still beats his wife, got kicked out of his living place and my mother wants to bring him into our house again. I’m torn by this and feel very unsafe/uncomfortable about this situation. He drinks and has done drugs which only makes his anger issues worse. He’s threatened my family before and has hit other women in my family. My mother is in denial and thinks that we have a vendetta against him, she keeps saying to give him a chance but he has never gotten help or therapy. He is almost 50 and I understand he has no where to go, but he’s never tried to get professional help, he only asks his sisters for money or a place to stay temporarily, but this always ends up being long term. I am scared as there are four women in my household and my uncle has battered multiple women. How can I help my mother understand that I feel unsafe? I don’t want to bother anyone by living elsewhere temporarily, my siblings and I both told my mother we don’t think he should stay with us. What can I do? I don’t have enough money to rent anywhere for more than a few months. This has really taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally, especially because my mother constantly picks fights with me because we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to her brother. I think group family therapy will be good for us, I just don’t know what else to do. I’m trying to hang in there. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
I was wondering if I could report child abuse without being 100% sure. I heard people yelling and kids screaming “no” and a lot of loud banging. It worries me so much bc I went through that as a child. I dont want to get anyone in trouble if nothing is going on but i really want to make sure those kids are safe. I just moved to the place I’m at and when I heard all of that I started crying bc I didn’t know if those kids were safe. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. You might want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect the neighbor’s children, their number is 916-875-5437. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
I am divorcing my husband of 21 years. We lost our daughter to suicide almost 3 years ago and we have never been the same. I was the one who found my daughter so I have much trauma from that but I have tried to pull myself together for our 2 sons. At first my husband and I were the closest we had been in years but after 2 months he started an affair with another woman. I discovered this and he admitted it and told me he no longer loved me and wanted to start a new life with this other woman. He moved out and it did not work. I let him move back and tried to work things out. He became very suicidal constant threats, it was absolutely traumatizing to me But I tried to support him. The problem was I could do no right. I didn’t get up at the right time, I didn’t smile the right way, I didn’t have the sex he wanted. I was exhausted and met another man that gave me attention. A much younger man and it felt good. I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I spent the next year and a half dealing with his threat to commit suicide If I left him. (He actually put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, he knew there was no bullets, but I didn’t). I finally convinced him to get a place of his own and I filed for divorce. The problem now is he has hacked into my social media accounts has found my personal journals stalks my house, work place, my friends houses and places I frequent. I have a restraining order in place, I’ve had him baker acted for 11 days. He changes phones and calls and texts me everyday and if he can’t get ahold of me he goes through our sons. He says that I am attacking him by living my life. I have been on a few dates and have more Of a social life. I feel like my actions have nothing to do with him. What should I do? Agree to not see any men until our divorce is final or will this continue. He has just about convinced me that maybe I am doing wrong. I’m so mentally exhausted I just want it to stop. I need help Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to counseling or legal resources, you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.
 
A friend was threatened by alleged spouse’s mistress of killing her, would this affect him if he has prior domestic violence against him
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.

My husband and I have been together 8 years. Throughout our relationship we have had periods of time where he goes from being loving and a considerate partner and father to being abrasive, distant, eventually escalating to the point where he is short tempered with me, our children, even our pets. It happened again last night, it’s been awhile since it happened so I guess I didn’t see it coming or I was just stupid in handling it. He was being very, mean…short. Yelling at the kids, the dog. Once I put our kids to bed I asked what was wrong. He screamed and shattered a plate over his face. He calmed down and apologized, seemed almost normal. Then he woke up this morning being cruel again, screaming at the children. Putting me down. I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. I have no friends anymore, years ago my friends wanted me to leave him and he said it was them that was the problem. I don’t even have social media of any kind. The few people we interact with all think he is great, kind, friendly etc. I guess I don’t know what to do, or if I am overreacting. I don’t know if it was my fault for asking him what was wrong. I have thought about leaving, but worry over how it will effect my kids and also financially keeps me here.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You are not overreacting and should never feel like the person you love is putting you down. One thing you can do if you feel comfortable with it is check with your children and see how they are doing and feeling. Some art activities can express their emotions also. Witnessing and experiencing verbal abuse can be very hard for all of you. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing. We want you to know WEAVE is here for you and if you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or connect to resources, we do offer a variety of services. If you are considering leaving and want to know some option, we can help you with that. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If talking to someone in person is something, you would like we do have walk-in triage with counselors Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center.

My boyfriend and I both cops working same department, same shift and sometimes same vehicle.
He will get angry everytime another male colleague talks to me , he will get anxious when I receive a phone call and he will want to know who was calling.
After work he will strangle, choke me in the car on our way home. He stays with me by my place , he has his own place that he is renting but never stayed in it from the time we started dating. In 2018 he punched me with his fist on my face I sustained an open wound a cut on my right eye and a blue eye, I took overdose of sleeping tablets 60 of them at once I woke up in hospital with lots of cubes on me he said to me I should say I was involved in a car accident because that is what he said when he brought me in the hospital so I said so too.
I went to help out a friend who had a miscarriage and he went out to see his friends.
He continued phoning me and my phone was flat I sent him an SMS telling him that my battery was flat so he phoned me on my friend’s phone and he started to get angry on the phone and asked where I was and I told him I was still with my friend and I took her to the shop to get something to eat. I entered my house and he wasn’t home I took some sleeping tablet and fell asleep, my 11 year old son was home sleeping when I got home on the couch in the lounge.
When he arrived home I was still sleeping I was woken up by a fist on my stomach and lots of questions about my phone and why I didn’t phone him, he hit me from my bedroom with fists all over my body and face, he dragged me on the floor and tore the red vest top I was wearing into pieces, dragged me from my bedroom passed the lounge where my son was sleeping and he woke up and saw and he dragged me to the kitchen, lifted me up and put me on top of the sink and punched me full on my stomach , then took me to the lounge and punched me full on my face and I could hear birds singing on my ears.
He then went to the toilet and I heard him peeing I took my car keys and ran outside , jumped into my car and started it and reversed and there he was he tried to open the doors and I locked them from inside.
He broke the front passenger’s window on my car , shattered into pieces , I ran to a colleague’s place and she phoned our colleagues to come and attend to my complaint “Domestic Violence ” they then asked him to leave and go to his place.
He came back to my place begging outside and asking me to open for him and I refused he was apologizing and eventually he opened the window in the lounge and got hold of my son’s arm and apologized to him and told him he loves and care about him.
I asked him to leave my son alone and go away and we wanted to sleep so when we wake up I will phone him and we can talk.
He refused to go away and was making a noise outside I then phoned our colleagues to come attend the DV Complaint, he was asked to go away and this time it was a different shift.
He then left , I tried to sleep.I woke up and realised that my left leg could not stand , it was very sore but not swollen up. I tried to walk but couldn’t.The female colleague then came to my house and took me to hospital ER emergency side. I was attended to and I sustained a left broken ankle, Xrays were done , I sustained 2 broken ribs and 1 cracked rib , bruises, blue eye, bruises all over my body and arms.
I was then discharged from hospital same day. My colleague advised me to open a case against him and have him arrested and do a protection order against him. I have thought about it and I couldn’t do it because I know he will lose his job and probably be jailed about it.
I do love him and never wronged him not even once, I then decided to send him an SMS because I have no one to take my son to school, I was doing so but now I was put on a MoonBoot so I cannot drive my son to school nor can do anything because my ribs are broken.
He came back to my house and doing the duties I used to do at home like washing, cooking, hanging clothes, taking my son to and from school. He is basically taking care of me now. I want him to pay for what he did and suffer I even make him wash my underwear and hang it. I am so angry because I allowed him to abuse me and because he knows I will not pay any charges on him , he knows I feel sorry for him.
What can I do to make him pay for what he did to me?
He promised to replace my window for my car that he broke.
He promised to seek professional help to see a physcologist but he hasn’t made an appointment yet. I made an appointment for my son for counseling and am booked off sick from work until May. I missed out on working public holidays for extra cash and I am missing out on working night shifts for extra income because I am off sick. I want him to pay for what he did to me and I feel like everytime I asked him if he made an appointment to seek professional help , he is always making excuses.
I asked him why he act the way he does and he said when his father passed away in 2010 he got so angry and he was attending the sessions with the psychologist and he finished his sessions. Please help me , I want him to pay for his mistake and learn from them.
On this day, we still staying together in my place and he is helping me with my son to take him to school and fetch him after school. He is assisting with the house chores but he is not an affectionate guy he doesn’t touch nor hold or cuddle I’ve accepted that with him and I do it to him when I feel like.
We both work for Police Department and I would not like to see him behind bars and lose his job that is not my wish for him.
I know the consequences of Domestic Violence especially at our work. I want him to get help but once I am healed I am thinking of ending things for good with him.I tried before to end our relationship when I saw the abuse the 1st time but he refused to be dumped.I tried so many times and everytime I try to leave him he will hit me.
He claims he loves me and he said he even left his own place to be with me , he is jealous and I’m starting to think he is obsessed with me.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Everything you discuss with the advocate is private, confidential and protected, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court in case there is a court process.
 
Yesterday I called 911 because of chest pain ; I had a panic attack. My fiancé called off our engagement. We waited for the ambulance for about 20 minutes. My pain started to decrease so I called them off. But police still came. And they questions us. I told them we had a argument and they classified it as domestic violence. Why? My fiancé has never done anything to me in that way ; physically or emotionally. How can I take it off? Please help. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
How do I get evidence on my parent’s abuse? They take any phone I get ahold of to record evidence, and most of the time they don’t leave severe marks on me. They’re also really mentally abusive. They lock me in the house. At our old house, we had alarms on every door and window, and every window was nailed shut. I couldn’t leave unless it was to school. My parents also call me fat, they use food as a discipline, and I’ve been held under big recliner chairs and couldn’t get out from under it because my step-dad was holding it down on me. I don’t know what to do because every time I report it they say I don’t have enough evidence, and my parents always say that I’m a liar that there’s “no proof.” I don’t know what to do. I know they have old videos somewhere of them getting in a physical fight with me. But they use those as “proof” that I am physically abusive, but I don’t know if they’ve deleted it or not. And my parents have had (some how) joint custody of me with DHS. They said that they couldn’t take care of me! So they “gave me up.” But they wanted to have joint custody so they could control what happened to me and where I would go. They said that they didn’t want me to have priveledges. They said I needed to be somewhere where I wasn’t allowed to do anything except go to school. So I ended up In “Creekside Shelter” in Roseburg Oregon… And DHS recently sent me to a group home in Kansas City for families that have been broken, and it’s not helping, because every time I go home for a “visit” I get mentally and physically abused and treated wrong, and since I’m in this program, they don’t allow us to have our phones or anything and I’ve reported these things, but they really can’t do much. :( I don’t know what to do, please help! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. What you are going through is very scary and you needs as much support as you could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. To find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or give the National Domestic Violence hotline a call at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
 

My brother has always had a temper. He blows up at the littlest things and blames my parents for basically everything. One time during an argument he said my mom blamed her having cancer on him. Still the main point is that he has set fire to this bridge once he bought his new house with his fiance. We do not like her because she dose not pick up a dish, help out or even pretend to be in a good mood. At one point she told my mom to “grow up” and my mom then got mad and told her she was the parent and not to disrespect elders. Well she tattled on my mom to my brother and he went nuts on my mom. Shouting all these things to her that come from nowhere, when he gets like this nothing can calm him down. Here’s my problem, I was talking to the fiance and she told me how he blows up, should get help, that the group therapist told her to avoid predatory people like my brother. She then asked if I can keep a secret secret. I say yeah and the yellow and green bruise that she claimed was from “yard work” was him. They got into a fight about ant traps and how he kept asking where to put them. She didn’t care and he got upset and punched her leg. That bruise that my mom told her to get x-rayed because it may be broken was from him. I am angry at him, angry at her for staying with him, and angry at myself for not warning her enough. I told her my brother had that mean side from the beginning. It wasn’t enough, he is so cheap that he doesn’t want to get help unless it’s free. I am afraid his free anger management may be from jail. He hasn’t hit their dog. He has put holes in the wall from when he lived with us. Cut up shirts mom got him just to get back at her. What do I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions, you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line 916.264.5471.
 
I caught my boyfriend a few times talking to his ex on social media and I forgave him because I loved him and thought this was the last time. In 2017 he punched across the face as I laid down next to baby to breastfeed him. I was upset that he wasn’t up waiting for me knowing how late it was getting. All he had to do was hug me and I would have been but instead, he turns his back on me and ignores me. This gets me very upset and I start to yell that he doesn’t care about me. He threatens to punch me, I tell him to do it and he does. He was arrested and taken to jail. His parents and his sister started yelling at me telling me I was a piece of shit for doing what I did. I didn’t sleep that night. The second incident happened on April 5th, 2019. He grabbed my laptop and smashed it because I refused to give him a ride to do some errands. My two-year-old witnessed the whole thing. I called the police and was arrested yet again. I spoke to him after 3 weeks and all he had to say was that if I want to continue talking to him that I better take off the restraining order and that he was going to pay child support. All I saw in him was pure rage/anger. Throughout our relationship, he said I sucked at pretty much anything I set my mind to. Why did he do this? My kids got stuck in the middle of all of this and that makes me feel terrible. I don’t have any intentions of taking off the restraining order and is once again email his ex through social media and I’m guessing they text as well. He contacted her immediately a day later after he was released from jail. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 
So I have a question. Or more like I need to take something off my head. I’ve been taking online classes and got a job in selling phones a few months ago. Well anyway, while I was at my job selling phones, for some weird reason. I start panicking, and start trembling, my hands start trembling. It was so bad that I went back home and told my mom that I have some weird sort of panicky attack. I was so upset I acted that way that I started crying to her. And I was so glad she was listening, everything was okay. I decided to not go to work and my father comes to me. Trying to be “nice” or something. And continues on bothering about my anxiety of other people and that it was ridiculous to be afraid of talking to other people. I just kept quite because there was no point on saying anything. And he keeps on saying how is not his fault this is happening, but never in my head I though it was his Fault until he points it out. Now that I’m thinking about, he is always gets upsets for the most slightly things. Sometimes if I don’t talk like a robot or show fear than I’m being disrespectful. Every-time he slap me in the face he would say it’s because of my attitude. Which I never understood, so I was always extremely careful with my word when I go out in the world. Because he said that’s what would happen if I go to the world. So I was really scare to speak in general in public.. Specially if I speak my own Mind, my voice would break. Jesus, when have ever sound like myself. I’m always so submissive to other people that I think they can do whatever they want with me. I’m always so shy, and I hate this behavior because I feel like I’m not being myself, you know? And then he comes to my face and tells me how this issue I have with panicking attacks, it’s just an excuse to be a victim. I DON’T WANT TO BE A VICTIM, I WANT TO LIVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. And I’m so angry, so so angry. Because he is always this egotistical jerk, he would slap my face and then goes to my mom soon as he slap my face and tells her how funny my face was when he slap my face. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES That?? And then he has the guts to say to my face that I’m just trying to play the victim and that this is just in my head, and that I shouldn’t get into it too much. That this is not real at all! Back at that time I was like “maybe he is right, maybe is All in my head and is not real!” Well that was a lie apparently, because I’m still trying to deal with it. I’m still terrified to look people in the eyes and it’s fuckinh killing me!!! I don’t want to be like that! I want to be able to connect with people, to meet new great people, to go out and live and not be bother by others. To not be bloody stupid!
But now I’m self-aware that I’m now stuck in my house. I don’t go out at all, only to walk but to meet people. Then I got Better on talking, I got into classes that help me in communication skills. And social skills. I’m startint to get better but because of college. I’m usually at home, stuck. And this means I get to think a lot. I’m being thinking to much lately. And I being noticing that I have let my father dictate my behavior and life my whole life. And it feels like I’m lying to myself! Like I’m not able to express myself! So I don’t know what to do, but what thing I know is that i need to live this place. I can’t stand that man, Richard, I can’t stand him. And I know people might say “oh but he is you father!” But no I refuse to call father to someone who makes me so emotionally exhausted. Right now I’m trying to get a psychologist. And be knows that, he mess up my papers. So I have to do a whole process again before I get to a psychologist. I want to get a job, but I’m afraid! The last one I have didn’t go so well. And I have been taking communication skills classes, and I suppose to go to a speech club but I never wanna go because I’m Scare. And I have sooo many things to do! And I need guidance I really really need guidance!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.
 
I was physically assaulted with fists, kicked , chocked, strangled, dragged on the floor by my boyfriend as a results I sustained a broken ankle on the left foot, bruises, blue eye on my face, 2 left ribs broken and 1 right cracked. Now when I’m passing stools there’s only blood and when I’m wiping there’s blood clots. What could be the problem ? I googled and found out that the Spleen could be damaged !!! Could that be a problem or something else , I don’t have piles Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your boyfriend, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
Why do I fight back it just makes things worse.He calls me names tells me I am uhly stupid not to talk I am isolated haowove no one.I do not know why he hates me.I do everything we are not a couple he would rather watch porn than be with me Wich is fine..Help me diffuse him when everything I do is wrong. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
So right now my parents are right over custody because my mom had recently found out my dad was abusing us and he had just recently threatened to kill us and my mom. The case for abuse got put down because I seemed unsure and we had no evidence and I had no broken bones. Will they do anything if I tell the Couselor or my school Officer? Even if I have no evidence because I was too scared to record and me and my brother were trembling in fear. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment  with your family. School personnel are mandated reporters of child abuse and child neglect. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect yourself and your brother, their number is 916.875.5437. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
So I dated my ex boyfriend for 6 months. During those 6 months he would get angry if I liked another guys picture and he would call me almost 30 times as I was driving to my first day of work. Also when he gets frustrated he grabs my leg and pulls the car door shut to keep me from getting out of the car. The other night he got mad at me for not hanging out with him and “ditching him” so he drove to my house I got in the car and he yelled at me about everything I’m doing wrong. When I wanted to leave the car he started to drive. He asked me if I still wanted to be with him and I said no. He then said twice that I’m going to make him commit suicide. I wanted to get out of the car and go inside my house but he started to drive and he asked me to punch him. I of course didn’t and then he punched himself twice in the face. I haven’t talked to him in a few days… and when I did he blamed his emotional outburst on his car expenses and his issues at his job. He said that the asking me to punch him was a joke. But it was scary. He says I nitpick him- but I don’t… he has lost a lot of weight mostly wears sweats so I just say that we should go shopping for new clothes and get matching outfits, I don’t say it mailiciously Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact Sacramento Police Department’s non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
 
How do you heal from an abusive relationship? How do I forgive myself for the mistakes that I made? I dated someone for four years. In the beginning it began with name calling and ignoring me. I had moved to a new town to go to college and he was one of the only people that I knew. I continued chasing him down and begging him to stay with me. We broke up and got back together several times. After about the first year together I went to his house to obtain my belongings that I had left their and I got down on my hands and knees to beg him to stay with me. He began choking me out on his living room floor and afterwards he threatened to call the police on me. I did not talk to him for three months afterwards and then we saw each other and got back together. Slowly it escalated to verbal abuse and then most recently physical violence again. We got in a fight the other day and he would not stop calling me names. So I tried to slap him and he beat me in the jaw while he was driving his car. Then when I went home and tried to talk about it with him he held me down in his bed and told me that he was going to kill me. I woke up the next morning and decided that I was going to leave. It was one of the hardest decisions that I ever made. Now he is ignoring me and will probably never talk to me ever again and I feel guilty about the whole situation like I contributed somehow. I really want an apology but I feel like I will never get it but I cannot seem to be at peace with the whole situation. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you to make the best choice that works for you and your daughter. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best for you. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916) 920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
 
So i have been living with my baby daddy who i use to date for about 6 years and he mentally sexually and physically abused me for 5 of those years has been abusive still throwing things at me yelling at me calling me names and punching things while our daughter is in the room my boyfriend trys to stand up to him sometimes and reacently he tried to take a knife to me but my curent boyfriend stepped in and got his hand cut up. me and my boyfriend and my 6 month old daughter are trying to get out but dpont really have anywhere to go. my boyfriend is going to job core soon but my mom wont let me stay with her and my father is homeless. my question is where can i go with my 6 month old daughter can i go to you guys or do you know of anywhere else that offers tmparary housing for a mother and infant. Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and counseling services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child. If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
 

If I was charged with DV 1st if my step daughter is the one who help lie to get me put in jail what can I do because I really didn’t committee this crime but the law enforcement is the one who pushed it and it’s been 3 years almost.

I got a public defender but he works for the state a free lawyer how much would it cost to get a good lawyer

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear you are going though this right now. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If there is any other support you need, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I just need to vent. I am my aging husbands caretaker. He needs assistance getting dressed, getting using the restroom etc. He falls constantly because his legs have become weak. It is a frustrating situation for both of us. Lately he treats me like I don’t know how to care a wound he has on his ankle and repeatedly tells me what the nurse said about dressing the wound. I get upset because I feel he thinks I don’t know how to dress the wound. Tonight he called me a name, something he never does and told me to get away from him because he doesn’t want to hit me, again something he never does. He is almost 73 and his outbursts are increasing. Could he be getting dementia? My first instinct is to get as far away from him as possible but then reason takes over. I can’t leave him. Who would care of him? 
Besides this is my home too and I have no money to move. Second our family would never forgive me if I left him. I am hurt by the name calling and threat of physical abuse. I just don’t know what to do. Can you give me advice. I need to hear a voice of reason. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we appreciate your strength and courage. Being a caregiver to someone you love and have devoted your life to is an immense burden, and at time a thankless, endless task. Our agency provides support in the areas of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking in Sacramento County, so it is difficult for us to answer your question relating to him possibly having dementia as an explanation for recent behavior changes. However, we would like to encourage you to reach out to his primary care doctor and see if they could provide you that assessment because it could very well be a possibility. We understand how difficult and upsetting this situation must be for you, and we also feel like our instinct reaction to those threats and that amount of constant stress would be to run away as well! You need more support, and reaching out to his doctor would be a great first step. We are here for you, and if you need more resources within your community please call 916.920.2952. 
My boyfriend and I are both college students. He’s not physically abusive necessarily but he restrains me, holds me down, pulls my hair, and has squeezed me so tight that I’m in pain. He does this whenever we get into a fight and I try to leave. It’s almost always when we’re intoxicated, only twice when we’re sober. The other day someone saw everything that happened and reported him to the police for assault and disorderly conduct. We go to a small school and I’m terrified of going to class tomorrow knowing everyone knows. He is the most charismatic person I know and he tells everyone I’m crazy and making this stuff up. The police went to multiple of our friends houses looking for him and I’m so ashamed because I never called the cops nor did I want any of this to happen. He’s never hurt me bad enough to where I feel like people should know or that I’ve felt like my life was in danger. I am scared of him when he gets like this but I don’t want to break up either. I also feel like I can’t say that I’m being abused when it’s not like I’ve been hit or anything. The worst fight we ever got in he shoved me on the tile and I had a huge bruise on my leg. He laughed at me while I cried on the ground I can’t get that picture out of my head.[Edited for Content] Dear Reader, Thank you for contacting WEAVE for advice. We want to first let you now that we define physical abuse as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and information line where we would like to offer you confidential support and information regarding what you are experiencing. Our number is 916-920-2952.  We commend you for reaching out and hope to speak with you soon.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with Bipolar PTSD after we started dating and only after I noticed he had bouts of anger and aggression and violence, bullying and irrational mood swings well after he moved. He was diagnosed and is good about taking his meds but still has substantial bouts of mania and abuse that has spanned four years. I had to call the police on him recently because I had enough. He is better but still has defined manic points and acts like he is entitled to being in our home and free to act as he likes because “he lives there”. He was in a manic tailspin today because his bus was late and when he got home he tried to practically bang the door down and rip the door handle off because he wanted me to let him in (power play….he had his keys)
I opened the door part way and he tried to push through and I held the door and told him “you are welcome to come in but you are not going to act that way and you can knock on the door politely and do the right thing….else you can stay outside!” He lashed out and tried to grab my throat and I pushed him out the door and closed and locked it….told him until he can calm down he is not coming In the house…he is far too much a risk and my first priority is to protect this home…..I have given him EVERY opportunity, ever positive affirmation….even say his Pot outside so he can smoke and calm down (ALWAYS helps) but he refused every single effort and just maintained his abusive behavior….it has been four hours….I refuse to let someone into my house that is a threat….he keeps saying I am breaking the law…..I don’t think I am. Any help with the legality around this???
I have months of recordings of him being abusive, a TPO ready to go, a lawyer in case I have to terminate our lease quickly, and the ability to cut off his phone and all other things in my name at a moments notice should it be required.
Any help would be appreciated!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944, you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services.
 
When I ask my boyfriend to cuddle. Get gets verbally abusive. I ask can you cuddle me I’m cold and ge say something please leave me alone. So I say that’s a no right ? And he says use your fucking brain.then goes to sleep. We play around tickling and teasing each other and then he says stop and hits me hard. Then me being me and being a smart ass I say hit me harder since that’s what you like. He hits me three times and bruises the whole back of my arm. Another time, he says stop play fighting and I start to turn around and he slaps me. I turn around and cry and he rubs my feet. Then he goes to sleep after. I’m confused. Stressed. Hurt. Is this abuse Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.  If you live outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799.SAFE (7233).
My husband and I are separated since April of 2017. He tried to start a fight with me and he had my computer over his head when my daughter came in and tried to protect me. During this I called the police but I blanked out during their struggle due to trauma and I couldn’t remember that short space of time. I recalled it later he was trying to break my daughter’s neck like you see on television. My husband lied to the police and they were of no help. They arrested my daughter. I was the only witness and gave a statement to the State’s Attorney, but at the time I had not remembered him trying to break her neck. It is 2019 is it too late for him to be arrested for attempted murder? I’m in FL. I didn’t remember this until later in 2018 but I thought it was probably too late and I didn’t want to put my daughter back through it. He also took the day off during the week. I believe he set us up. Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and confusing it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224 for referrals in your community.
 
 My dad came in trying to argue with me, i started to cry so i left the room, he followed me and kept telling me that i was wrong and i’m a child so i can’t have an opinion, when i told him to leave because we were both just arguing and upsetting each other he took my phone and then told me to get into the corner. i said no because he’s never disciplined me before this, i’ve always had to deal with my abusive mom-more mental abuse than physical. he first hit my head and then grabbed my wrist and dragged me off the couch, then he hit me again and grabbed my legs. he kept doing this and saying how badly he wanted to hurt me. is this my fault because i disobeyed him? my wrist is swollen rn and hurts a lot, he usually doesn’t do this often. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how upsetting this must have been for you. What you have experienced with your father is defined as child physical and verbal abuse. We feel it would be helpful to discuss this issue regarding your father further with a trusted adult, a good trusted adult to get involved in the situation might be a teacher, family friend, guidance counselor, coach, etc., someone you feel comfortable talking with. Also, reaching out on the Support Line may be helpful as well because crisis counselors can assess the situation and provide specific advice and resources that may be helpful to you. The number for the Support Line is 916.920.2952. We are here to support you!
 
My daughter has a live-in boyfriend that she’s been with off and on for 16 years and he has mental issues but refuses to take his medication, he went to the mental ward recently but they released him the next morning. He has threatened her life and his own and has said that he’s going to leave but he never does and my daughter has told him go ahead and leave and she wants him to leave very much so but he never does and he gets a Social Security check every month and pays just a little bit of rent, but she is very unhappy and wants him gone very much but he refuses to leave and he is also controlling. So legally what can she do to make him leave and stay away? She has a lease on the house she is renting that is not ending till the end of December but she pays for everything mostly. She has her little niece and nephew with her that she is raising also she lives in Texas. Thank you for contacting WEAVE on behalf of your daughter, we are so sorry that she is going through this and can only imagine how upsetting it must be for your family. To see someone we love go through something like this is an incredibly powerless feeling but you are an amazing advocate for her and just by reaching out today you are helping her so much. Unfortunately our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA and we cannot answer legal questions outside of this area. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to agencies and resources in Texas that could answer the specific legal questions you have for your daughter’s situation. Perhaps they could also get her connected to a domestic violence-based agency that could provide her with supportive services and resources to help empower her in this situation. 

My boyfriend is also the father of my twins. Before we had the kids, he was okay just a little particular but I never really minded it. He never really did anything that I considered abusive or even scary. After the kids, he became a lot more on edge and yelled often enough, but I thought it was normal. He was just stressed cause we’re young (I’m now 25 and he’s about to be 28) but now the kids are three and yells at me every single day. He baites me into arguments and after I explode he tells me I need to control my anger. Every day he curses at me, yells at me, and complains about everything I do wrong every single day when he comes home from work. I’m a new stay at home mom because we can’t afford daycare even w both of us working and I don’t own a vehicle so I can’t drive. With that being said, I depend on him for most things I And our kids need and he always throws that in my face. “I do everything for you you do nothing for me” and when I bring up that’s its me that takes care of our kids (and one of them has special needs) he says “so what.” And when I tell him I don’t like how he speaks to me or treats me, he says “I can talk to anyone however I want. You need to stop having such thin skin.” I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be with him anymore but my family lives in another state and I have nothing and no one here. I don’t know if this is even abuse I just need advice.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and want to commend you on reaching out today. It is not easy to break the silence and to speak your truth, it takes tremendous courage and bravery. We want you to know that we hear you, we believe you, and you are not alone. We understand that you are struggling with understanding and identifying whether what you are experiencing within your relationship is abusive or not. Here is some information that could be helpful to you in understand what we describe and define domestic violence as. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All the feelings you have described, of feeling trapped and bated into arguments, all relate to these unhealthy aspects within your relationship. We want to reiterate to you that you are not alone, and you have support and options. And while we cannot tell you what to do within your relationship, we can empower you, support you, and provide you with helpful resources for whatever choice you decide to make. If you would like to know more about our services, speak to a crisis counselor, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

If the department of CPS gave custody to the father of my granddaughter and he got charged with PMFA and she was there wouldn’t it be that CPS has put my granddaughter In harms way what can I do about it to get them out of CPS custody because I’m worried about their well-being

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your family is going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Without having more information about your situation it is difficult for us to respond to such a specific legal question on this forum. However, we would like to refer you to our Legal Team who could provide more support in this area. Please call 916.319.4944, follow the prompt, and leave your legal question and our legal advocates will return your call promptly. Our legal advocates scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case is outside that scope please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can connect you to resources in your area. 
How can i escape being stalked and mentally sexualy and emotional torture ? I got kicked out of the shelter and the man who abused me is going thru all my journals reading my jounals and having people go thru all of my personal belongings . I wrote very private things that once they read them i am going to get retaliated against for writing about it . can someone please help me Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We’re very sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916-264-5471. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
My mom’s boyfriend is threatening me with beating me up when he gets back from work and I don’t know what to do I am 14 years old. My real dad passed away so I can’t reach him no more sadly. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916-264-5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800799-SAFE (7233).

As a man and father to my children about a year ago next month my ex assaulted me and my now girlfriend. My ex has a charge against us. She did not let me see my kids for almost a year I just seen them about 2 weeks ago but now she say of I don’t give her a phone number nor address I can not see my kids. Due to her no contact order do I have to give her my number and address to see my kids. All she does is harass me and my girlfriend.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your question regarding this situation, we are sorry that this is happening. If we understand your situation properly, you are asking whether or not you have to provide your personal information, like contact and location, to your ex who has a no-contact order against you? Do you have a custody agreement or are those related? We feel your question would be best answered by one of our Legal advocates. To connect with them, please leave your name, a safe-identified number, and your legal question at 916.319.4944, and our Legal Advocates will return your message promptly. If you need any further support, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I have an ex I wanna report I don’t want him to know and he’s very scary I’m 17 n he’s 46 what do I do I need help I messaged the hotline they are not accepting any messages I guess and I need help I wanna put him where he belongs back to prison. I had a rough situation he said if I work for him he’ll give me a lot of money he’ll buy me things but then I got involved with him like love and he had me living with him every other day cause I didn’t live there permanently he would hit me when he thought I was staring at a guy he’ll hurt me until he’ll get my phone from me he made problems he would make fake accounts and say I did this and that and I didn’t . I wanna report him help

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we want you to know that we are here to help you, you are not alone, and we are so sorry that this is happening to you. It is not okay for this person to be hurting you and make you work for money. We are sorry that you weren’t able to connect with us by messaging but we would like to ask you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as it is safe for you to do so. Please call us so we can help you with this, you are not alone. We can help support you in whatever action you want to take against him. 

Can I press charges against my husband who choked me 2 years ago

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that this happened to you and can only imagine how upsetting this must be. Unfortunately without more information we cannot answer your question on this forum-forever, we would like to refer you to our Legal Team who will be able to answer it. To connect with our Legal Advocates please call our Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly. They’re scope of practice is Sacramento County, so if you need legal support outside of Sacramento County please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get connected to services and resources in your area. 
My mother was instigating my son (who is 11 and 63 lbs soaking wet) he tried to walk away, she kept after him. He pointed a finger at her to say you need to stop she tried to bite his finger (she says she was playing) he swiped his hand back and worth so she wouldn’t bite him, and clipped her nose. She then proceeded to tell him she was going to ‘deck’ him, then came up to me and screamed at me said I don’t want him near me and said she’d again ‘deck’ him. All while I had company and my friend heard her say this. They are living for free in a camper on our property. They’ve been here since The beginning of January and the camper is still not registered and inspected or insured… I want them gone now, my husband says let’s give them 2 weeks. They pay nothing to be here, no rent, electricity, no water or internet. They still have no money (they get a pension, social security and my mom gets disability) and they have no money ever, constantly asking for money from me. How do I handle this situation, because I’m struggling to keep it together. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior if the person ever assaults someone else again. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
 

I have an ex who was sexually and physically and financially abusive. He grew up in gangs and has a family member in the dmv to track down people who don’t pay. I know hes had dropped assault charges. And I’m scared because he threatened my family when I left. He wouldn’t have to lift a finger even in jail. I’m not sure what to do because i would never be able to have an apartment job or car or get married and him not knowing and possibly hurting me. What am I supposed to know if I only know the guys nickname.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE today with your concerns, we can only imagine how scary this must be for you and we want you to know that we are here to support you. We have lots of services that could be helpful for you in this situation, such as Counseling, Legal, Advocacy & Accompaniment, Emergency Shelter, and many more, and if it’s not a service we offer than we will definitely have a resource for with within the community. Based on what you shared here, it is unclear what kind of support you are looking for specifically, so please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 so we can assess your situation further and provide you with personalized resources and connection to supportive services. 

My sister just found out that her boyfriend used to (6 years ago) beat his ex girlfriend/mother of his son. (We saw 5 different police reports with dates, etc) My sister is 10 weeks pregnant with his child, obviously she never would have started a relationship with him if she had known of his past- he has never laid a hand on her, but this news makes her extremely uneasy and paranoid. What should she do?

Thank you so much for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your concerns today, we are so sorry that your sister is going through this and we appreciate you reaching out today on her behalf. This definitely is a difficult situation and not one your sister should have to be going through. We want her to know that she has options, and everything that happens next is entirely in her control. It is important that she feels safe, and if being with him is no longer something she feels safe in, then that is valid. Another option is she could try to process some of her feelings with a counselor that is trained in the field of domestic violence, or she could discuss this with her current partner directly if she feels safe to do so. She has many options and we want to help support in any way that we can. If she is interested in discussing what she is going through with a counselor, please have her call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My Sister Husband punch her in the head and Jaw she had a concussion, there is a standing criminal order in place. He is reaching out to her neighbor getting all of her whereabouts. P.O. gave him a gps monitor so he can come into the city where she is but when he is off of probation he will track her down, he never return keys we change lock to apartment but he does have key to get inside of the building what can we do? she needs help in finding another apartment to live where he can’t find her

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your sister is going through this and we commend you on being an amazing advocate for her and trying to help get her support. We would love to help her with this issue, and there are many services that come to mind that could be helpful for her in her situation. We do not have apartment listings in our resource guide but we do have many resources surrounding both emergency and transitional shelters that could be helpful to her in this situation. Please encourage her to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can speak to a crisis counselor about her situation, get connected to our services as well as other resources within the community.

Does anyone know if you live in Pennsylvania if your husband abuses our dog is this domestic violence. He also broke my arm previously. He has bad anger issues and is making me scared.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this, and we are proud of you for reaching out today. It takes tremendous courage to reach out for support, and we recognize that. Unfortunately our agency is based out of Sacramento, CA, so we cannot answer your question regarding domestic violence laws, but it definitely sounds like there are some unhealthy and violent occurrences within your relationship. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to an agency in your area. 

He never hit me. And it was years ago, when I was in high school (I’m in college now). I dated this guy who completely isolated me from my friends because they were “too goody-goody”. I would go to concerts with a guy friend and he would send me pictures of his self-harm. He would fake panic attacks so I would spend time with him. We had sex all the time, even when I didn’t really want to. He would constantly punch walls when we were fighting. He would send single letters in strings of texts so my phone would blow up with notifications. He smoked around me all time and escalated to other drugs even though I was visibly and verbally uncomfortable with being in that situation. I feel awful saying I was in an “abusive relationship” because he never hit me and so many women and men have been through worse. I also feel like I should be over it by now. I still have some self-harm scars from that time and I feel like that might contribute, but I still feel off.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your message today, we want you to know that we hear you, we see you, and you are not alone. The experiences that you went through in this past relationship matter, regardless of other people who may have had it “worse”. You cannot compare your experiences to others or else you will never validate your own and never allow yourself the space to heal from your trauma. WEAVE defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Most people don’t recognize that there are many different types of abuse, and all of them are as harmful as physical abuse, even if they don’t leave scars that people can see. Just from what you shared briefly in your message about some of the things you experienced within your relationship, you described many different and incredibly harmful forms of abuse. Is this something you ever talked to anyone about, like a therapist or counselor? If this is something you are interested in, we would love to help get you connected to the best resources in your community. Even if a lot of time has passed, that trauma could still be lingering under the surface, and it’s normal to have experiences that might trigger those memories and bring those feelings up. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and get connected to services. We are here to help you heal. 

My ex from India is blackmail me to send my nude photos to my family and friends.. What should I do? Pls help me..How can I report a blackmail?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE today regarding this situation, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. It is never okay for someone to threaten to blackmail you, and unfortunately that kind of behavior commonly relates back to the power and control dynamics in unhealthy relationships. Due to the specificity of your question we cannot answer it here on the message boards, however we would like to present you with a few options. You can contact your local law enforcement agency, (since blackmail is a crime and the response to that varies state by state), and see what their local response to blackmail is and what support they can provide you. We would encourage you to contact the non-emergency line for whatever law enforcement agency serves you, or just drop by the local station to speak to an officer in person. Or, if you are currently residing in Sacramento County, you can contact our legal department via the Legal Voicemail, 916.319.4944, leave you name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question/situation, and our Legal team will return your call within a few business days. Please know you are not alone, and we are here to support you. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor, or want to know more about our services, or other resources within your community, please contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
He’s been violent with me sporadically for about two years. He’s spit in my face, punched me in the arms and on my spine, shut my arm in the car door, and drives recklessly with me in the passenger seat. He also hits himself to the point that he bleeds. Once when I tried to stop him, he punched me instead. 
He shows violence to no one else. In fact, I’ve seen another man beat him up, and despite being a blackbelt, he only wriggled away because he refuses to hurt another living creature. Except me…. 
He is kind, and gentle, and considerate all the time. He takes care of me, and puts my wants and needs first. 
The last beating happened when we ran out of gas on the highway, and i was sobbing and crying with the AAA rep on the phone. So he muted it, and began hitting me, and shoving my head into the seat (he pulled out some of my hair). I demanded he tell his therapist what happened. 
His therapist says there is no need to get him tested for autism, and the violence, as “frustrating as it is” is just a symptom of his fear to live as a functional adult in the world. When I asked what he said I should do to defend myself, the answer was this: 


“His rationale being that something *like* self-defense techniques or safe-words is only catering to the symptoms rather than fixing their origin(s). Which I know is über-frustrating to hear, and difficult to sign-off on considering everything.”


Am I just being paranoid because of how serious hitting women is usually taken? I love him, and think he loves me…but I’m so confused right now.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening to you and we want you to know that you are not alone. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting this situation has been for you and we are here to help you. We want to make it clear that what you are experiencing is NOT okay, and your feelings on the matter are incredibly valid. You are not being paranoid. The key aspects to healthy relationships are healthy forms of communication, and the power and control being equally distributed within the relationship. It is when those aspects of power and control are skewed to one side that the relationship becomes unhealthy. Violence has no place in a healthy relationship. There is no excuse for violence. We fully recognize that people have their own history and “baggage” that they can bring to relationships, but if they cannot communicate or express themselves without becoming violent, then they are not in a healthy place to be in a relationship and have some of their own things they need to work on. What you are experiencing is called “domestic violence”. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, and you have options and support. If you would like to discuss your experiences further and know more about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have options, and you deserve to be in a relationship where you are loved and supported without being abused. 
A friend was adopted by a mother and father. Then, that mother and father got divorced. He was living with his father. But now, his father has been arrested for domestic violence (son thinks the stepmom lied about it) and sent to jail. Who has the legal parental rights of the son now that the dad is in jail, the mother (who lives 2 hours away) or the grandfather (who the son and father were living with)? Also, In PA, can a child visit a parent in jail if the charges are domestic violence? The son believes in his father and would like to see him. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that your friend experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
I tried to get a restraining order on my husband but the police didn’t give it to me because he didn’t physically abuse me. He is very mentally and verbally abusive. Now he is calling kids names. I am sure if the police ask kids or him he would deny and the kids will probably go along with his lies. Constantly nags for hours and when he goes outside for ciggerrette he nags and complains about me or kids to himself ( full blown conversation). He will sit there and call me names talking to himself he thinks he’s not crazy. He refuses to leave house says get a divorce knowing that It will take a while to file knowing he pissed through my savings I had before I met him. Constantly calls me fat says kill myself talks about my past and my first husband that died like he knows him or my past. What can I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  If you live in the Sacramento area we encourage to contact Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center at 916-875-HOPE (4673) for information about Restraining orders. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916-264-5471 and ask about options or you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to more resources. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 

I don’t live in the area but I feel more comfortable discussing this through a platform like this. You might still have insight that is helpful. I have a 19 month old daughter, her father and I split when she was 5 weeks old. This split happened a week after he got drunk and went into a rage. He pushed me while I held our baby, then held my face and screamed preventing me from moving away, I was holding our baby the whole time. He then followed me through the house and attempted to kick down a locked door and then proceeded to grab my face and threaten me, again with our child in my arms. The whole relationship was emotionally abusive. A year prior to this incident he slapped/pushed/hit me and I fought back. I didn’t file a report when the incident when my child happened because I was scared of retaliation and trauma bonded to him so deeply. He reported his anger was due to PTSD from being deployed (which I now know he never was). He has an extensive history of anger and lying. We share custody of my child and I’m worried bout the potential of his anger becoming explosive (if not towards her) in front of her. Basically my question is since I didn’t file a police report when it occurred and he’s been a part of our child’s life (I only allowed this because he said he was in counseling) can it even be seen as valid? I have recorded phone calls, texts, and emails of him admitting to the incident. We even went to co-parenting counseling and I tried to talk about it, my ex admitted it, and the counselor said “we don’t need to go into the details”. I felt so invisible in that moment. That the trauma and abuse I faced was brushed off by a professional that is supposed to report such things and protect me. If I spoke to an advocate and they were in court with me (if that occurs) would that be beneficial even if there is no police report?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. If you live outside of Northern California, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal and counseling resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
 my mother is in a toxic relationship with a smoking alcoholic. He drives drunk and is a belligerent when in public and just is not a safe person. But what is worse it was he does at home. He starts fights with my younger sister and forces me to “box” with him or hit him to prove he is “hardcore”. So my question is how do i go about bring law enforcement into this? What do I say when I call the police on him? And what can I charge him with? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. This form of domestic violence that it seems you are experiencing is called family violence. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life and you believe he can commit a crime against you we advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
I have a friend that wants to leave her boyfriend and he wont let her leave i live in oklahoma wjat can she do Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your friend is experiencing that with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, domestic violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser or is in constant denial of experiencing domestic violence. You have been a great friend to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your friend unless she is ready to leave him and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support and not shame her. If they are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services. If they live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state, they may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in their community.
My boyfriend now ex beat me up really bad a month ago I have picture evidence and texts from him and his mom for evidence, is it too late to report ? I live in Sacramento Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal  – 916.920.2952.

My sister just left her now ex boyfriend a few days ago because he was very abusive (He even beat her while she was asleep with her 2 year old daughter beside her on the bed). She went to bible study yesterday around 7pm and we have not heard from her and her daughter since. We know he has them but we dont know what to do. We dont know if they are hurt, okay, dead, alive, or even still in town. He blocked our numbers and if we call from another number he hangs up the instant he realize its us. What should we do, I’m so worried?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you, and we are proud of you for reaching out today to support your sister. Do you know if your sister has ever contacted law enforcement regarding this situation? We would highly encourage  you to contact law enforcement in your area to ask them to do a welfare check to make sure she is safe and okay. If she has contacted law enforcement in the past they would have information regarding past incidents of domestic violence. We feel that would be the best, and most safe option to make sure she is safe and okay. Please contact us if you have any further concerns or want to know more about our services at 916.920.2952. We are here for you. 

My daughter moved to New York with her boyfriend in December. He signed a contract with his parents to lease with option to buy a second home that they have. He is verbally and now becoming physically violent with her and continues to threaten to lock her out where she cannot get her stuff. Police have not been involved yet except for the time i seen the sheriff over there and i am in Arizona trying to mediate. He has now taken her key and says she has no right nor do i to enter the home to collect her belongs. Can he by New York law lock her out and obstruct her ability to collect her items so she can move out and come back to arizona with me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. Because we are based out of Sacramento in California, we are unsure of the laws in New York. For this reason, I would recommend that you reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for more specific resources to where your daughter is located.

My friend just busted my window out he a friend but he likes me should I call the police

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that this happened. Although we are unable to share what you should or shouldn’t do, if you are feeling unsafe, it would be beneficial to call law enforcement. Your safety is of utmost priority, and if you need additional support safety planning or other support please call the 24/7weave support line at 916.920.2952.

My significant other’s father “promised” to break my face in. While I was visiting my SO (he lives with them to help financially support them), what do I do if this happens again? Can I call the police if he threatens me in his home? how does this work if I live with my SO? He was verbally abusive, called me a “liberal bitch” a narrcassist, a psychopath. Never calls me by my actual name because my real name is Spanish, so he calls me Jonny even through I am a woman. Has also called me racial slurs.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this. As for steps that you could take moving forward, calling law enforcement if he threatens you could be a helpful thing to do. Due to the safety concerns, it may be helpful to consider other safe housing options that are available, or discussing with your significant other safer options. For additional support or information through this situation, please call our 24.7 support line. We can be reached at 916-920-2952.

im 16 and my mother is not in the picture but my father is abusive to my mental heth but never dose this to m 5 year old sister. i have a frends parents who would love have me live with them except my father is vey cotroling and i have no idea on how to get them the legal custady of me and live with them. how would i go about doing this with out CPS getting involved?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is not an easy thing to live in a home where there is abuse going on. Due to the legal aspect of your question, I would encourage you to reach out to the Family Justice Center for information; they can be reached at 916-875-4673. In addition to that, if you need additional support or information, there is also WEAVE’s support line which is 24.7 at 916-920-2952.

Who can I turn to to help me with attorney since there was fraud in my divorce case. I’m an older woman now with diagnosis of cancer. And my husband was ordered to restore my spousal military benefits he diverted to his ex-wife and was arrested in divorce court and got out of jail as indigent, even though he makes over 15,000 a month in government retirement. And we’ve been married since 2004, and are currently in a pending divorce case here in Georgia. Legal aid will not take my case as they said they heard of my case I assume, his attorneys or my attorney contacted them… [edited for content] A fraudulently entered final order in a divorce matter and recovering government benefits that were ordered as a part of the pending divorce case. It’s my health has been irreversibly compromised, because I never received my spousal military benefits that were diverted to my husband’s ex-wife of only 3 years my entire marriage and she is still receiving my benefits in perfect health. Would someone please represent me in Georgia, the home foreclosed that he was ordered to pay the last thing that was put in was by the judge a few months ago and with my health and the Foreclosure of our home of 10 years I put in a motion to transfer and I need help completing the transfer, income deduction, contempt (the restoration of my benefits ordered etc. ) And the legal final decree.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we understand how upsetting it must be. We want you to know that you are not alone, and we hope that we can help get you connected to resources that would be most supportive for you. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. We hope that these will help you get connected to the best services in your area. 

my husband put lying order protection on me can I file iied claim on him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, without knowing more information about your situation we assess your situation and provide you with the support you need. But based on the nature of your question, we would like to refer you to our legal team who may be able to provide you further support. Please call the Legal Voicemail at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call within a few short business days. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case resides outside of Sacramento County or you would like further support or resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I am 1 year post strangulation….Now, I have a problem with the word strangulation. My x husband jumped on my back while I was bent over in the closet by the front door. He was screaming, Thats it!! This ends now! You end now! I am killing you and you will never walk out of this house again alive. I 100% believed he would be successful. I am disabled and at the time I used a walker to get everywhere. Trying to fight back someone that is so much stronger and having an adrenaline rush wasn’t going to work. He is 17 years in Military and trained in hand to hand combat. Me, however, am not. I kept trying to scream for my neighbors and realizing nobody can hear me, I ran to the couch and grabbed my phone I dialed 911 but misdialed because I started screaming at him I pushed to make any sound come out I was yelling OUT!! Get OUT NOW!!! He couldn’t understand the words but understood my aggressive manner. I was pointing and yelling at the open door and he ran out with the gun in his hand. I dial 911, they can’t hear me. The police arrived and swept the house I had to write for them to understand he left in a vehicle with a loaded gun. Anyways, he was charged with 2 felonies one being domestic assault with strangulation and 2 misdemeanors….anyways because of his military status, He qualified to be in Veterans court. NOBODY from the prosecutor’s office would ever even explain what the heck veterans court is. I just figured it meant that the cause must be getting moved to the military base instead. Well my guess was wrong, and after 4 months of asking everyone and nobody knew what it was a bunch of elderly vets showed up in the hallway before a courtdate of ours. My mom and I began to talk to them and they were the ones that explained that they mentor soldiers and veterans for 1 year. if they pass the program his charges went from 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors to then 1 misdemeanor instead. Just sickening. And the FEMALE JUDGE even said in court in front of the 40 veterans in the court room that my x had no restriction in her jurisdiction to carry a GUN!!!!! She had just congratulated him on getting into Veteran’s Court and charged him with 1 misdemeanor domestic assault with strangulation. ridiculous. Anyways, I don’t understand why I am being lumped into a category of strangulation when he was clearly intent on breaking my spinal cord more so than cutting off my airway. Why is there no other word to describe that move the snapping of someone’s neck (similar to chiropractic) but intentionally used to kill me. Does anyone know what that move is called? Clearly its not strangulation, though there was a few times he did that when repositioning behind me. Any help is much appreciated…I of course got and OFP for 2 years for me and the 3 kids. They were sleeping at their grandma’s house when this happened so I was so glad they didn’t hear it or see it. He and his lawyer insisted I make the OFP be temporary instead of permanent. I still don’t even understand what the heck that means. Thanks again in advance of any help. [Edited for length and content.] Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. According to Law for Veterans, Veterans Court is “a collaborative process that includes the prosecutor, defense counsel, Judge, the Department of Veteran Affairs and other community based support organizations… to rehabilitate and restore veterans as active, contributing members of their community… [by] creates and supervises treatment plans to address the underlying causes of the veterans behavior.” You may experience a range of emotions because of the incident. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
 

my husband had hit me and I’m currently 3 months pregnant & he was arrested. His visa is expired I was wondering if he could get deported for this type of crime & if I will be informed if he is, with a baby on the way I’m a little concerned about this.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you and we are so sorry that this is happening. We understand that you have concerns surrounding the possibility of your husband getting deported due to getting arrested. Unfortunately we cannot answer that question on our message board due to the specificity of it, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. To leave a message with our legal team, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call promptly within a few business days. We also have resources to other agencies within the community that specialize in these types of issues, if you would like more information and access to these resources, please call 916.920.2952 to discuss this further with a crisis counselor. 

Hi, I confronted a man that has been making sexual comments and verbal aggression towards my girlfriend. I confronted him at his work and now they wanna press charges. No violence happened. But now he is telling her that the only reason she has a job is cause of him and still makes it seem like if she doesn’t side with him that he will press charges and jeopardize her future job. What can I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this happened and we can imagine how frustrating the situation is. Unfortunately at this point it sounds like since your girlfriend is the one who is experiencing the continued harassment at her place of work, the resulting action will have to come from her. Is there an HR department at her place of employment where she could file a harassment complaint against him? That would be the best avenue to start with since all of this is occurring at work and regarding her work status. If you need any further support in this, please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My Husband and I argued and he came up in my face. I panicked, pushed him away with one hand and slapped his arm with the other. He picked a knife off the kitchen side and held it towards me. I ran and hid outside for a few hours until he had gone to bed. He had been drinking, I hadn’t. This morning, he said he was going to the police cos I had hit him. I am worried I will get into trouble. Should I go to the police first and tell them what I did.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this happened to you and we can only imagine what you are feeling. We understand that you would have concerns about contacting law enforcement regarding this situation, but we also want you to know that you have options and you have rights. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It sounds like he may be using the threat of involving law enforcement as one to control you, but you were acting in self-defense. He became physically intimidating during an argument, and you have a history of abuse within your relationship. His response to you slapping his arm and pushing him to get away from him was to grab a knife. The right to involve law enforcement is completely your choice, but we want you to know that we are here to support you if you choose to do so. We have advocates who could provide you emotional support during a law enforcement interview and get you connected to our services. If that is something you are interested in, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on how to access those services. 
I am being abused emotionally by my husband and it is very stressful for me because, I am severely and painfully crippled (in wheelchair). I feel like a prisoner in my home. He screams at me constantly and limits what I can say to him. He is angry all the time without cause. I was a very hard worker in the home until I became disabled and now he seems to resent me. I try to do as much as possible in the home, but I am in great physical pain and it is hard. Now I am in great emotionally pain as my husband seems to resent that he is my caregiver. He also has had a decline in his health, which is not helping the situation. I can not call a hotline. He is always nearby and my room does not have a door. Just a curtain. I tried the domestic violence hot line last week and was cut off several times. They take over a half hour to come on which makes it hard to know when to try to reach them. The first person was empathetic, but the last one seemed to imply I was at fault. I almost had the feeling I was conversing with a man the way they spoke to me. I told my visiting nurse about this and he thought it was wrong what they said to me. So how do you know the qualifications of the person you are speaking with? Also, I would prefer to talk with a qualified person through an email as I don’t want him to hear me talk. I’m really just sad because I have no family close by and I don’t have any friends that come by. He does all the shopping. He does not take me out anymore as he has a bad hip and can no longer push my wheel chair. How can I stay positive in my situation? Also, I can’t tell others we know about how he treats me, as he has said he will tell them I am lying and that I am mentally ill.
 
Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state, you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1-800-787-3224. Some options for online counseling that we found on the internet are BetterLyf (https://bit.ly/2TmY7NH), TalkSpace (https://www.talkspace.com/) and Better Help (https://www.betterhelp.com/online-counseling/).
 
what if j have physical and verbal violence from your boss
 
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this. According to Occupational Safety and Health Act (OSHA), “Workplace violence is violence or the threat of violence against workers. It can occur at or outside the workplace and can range from threats and verbal abuse to physical assaults and homicide, one of the leading causes of job-related deaths… To file a complaint by phone, report an emergency, or get OSHA advice, assistance, or products, contact your nearest OSHA office under the “U.S. Department of Labor” listing in your phone book, or call [them] toll-free at (800) 321-OSHA (6742). The teletypewriter (TTY) number is (877) 889-5627.”
 
Defamation of character and revenge, I was lied to to my employer and it cost my job. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing this. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate on this message or resubmit a new one. If you would like to speak to an advocate, please reach out to our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.
I was physically acted by my blood sister about a month ago and just to give you some insight on what happen ..She wanted me to help her with some fraud scams on a man that she had frequently had gotten money from every week or two by sending him naught pics and text just to get an allowance of cash..She wanted me to help her steal 5000 dollors from his account..As I told her i wouldnt not be helping her I got up ro take a shower and I asked her could I use some of her hair products becuase i didnt not have any because I was visted for just one day to get some id back..She start to yell at me and getting really verbal with me ..I turned off the shower and told her to calm down and that I didnt want be yelled at like that ..Along story short she start saying that some things that I know would restore into a fight so I started to get my things together when this happen..Told her if she steals from this man that I will not only call the police and have them call them man but I will have her put in jail and she didnt like that so ran at me and attempted to grt my phone out my hands ..I told her to start and then she bite my finger which lead me to defend me person so would let my phone go ..as i am wrestling with my sister I clicked 5 times on my iphone to get automatic 911 call and i stated that my sister is attacking me after that bite my arm where it felt me no chocie but to let go of my phone where she maintained to get my phone and break it which disconnected me from the operator..at this point I run to the bathroom for protection but she was trying to get in the door which resulted into me get mazed ..after that i ran out the door for help
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that with your sister; We can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one. You may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate.
 
I live in my boyfriend’s house for over 3 years now. We got into an argument where he is literally yelling and spitting at my face the whole time. Before that he pushed me. I told him quit spitting at my face while yelling at me. So I yelled back while spitting back and he slaps me leaving a black eye. Without thinking I slap him back for self defense. I am 4’11 to 5’ where he is 6’. He is bigger than me and kept putting his hands on me. He grabs me by sweater and hair and throws me around like a rag doll and drags me down the stairs straining my neck. I felt something crack while he dragged me down the stairs and he slapped me again. Do I have a right to defend myself in his house? This is not the first time he has put his hands on me. And this is the first time I have reacted to in self defense. I don’t understand how people can say they love you and care about you and do something wrong and believe it’s ok. Feeling lost. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).
My brother makes verbal remarks to me sometimes when we drink and he feels like guys are looking at me. The other night, he did this same thing so I left I had had enough and he kept yelling at me. He found me waiting near his car to leave and he was angry I made a big deal out of it called me ridiculous and asked why I didn’t pay the bill. I was so over him not acknowledging his actions and making me feel uncomfortable in large groups of people like that, that I slapped him. Later, we are at his house and he is still surprised I slapped him I had just felt ashamed and humiliated and his daughter tells me to leave. I told her the story but I get it you shouldn’t hit someone and she tells me to leave. I throw their ceramic cup at the wall and walk outside. I’m scared and lonely/sad. I should’ve called the hotline, or a friend. This is obviously a horrible relationship. Instead I panic and call 911. All I wanted was a mediator not charges. I didn’t know that you really shouldn’t call 911 to mediate.. and after they got our story I got arrested. I sat in jail for the night waiting to get bail thinking why this happened? He emotionally and verbally harassed me and I slapped him? I don’t know what he told the police. I have court soon, and he is confused as to why I called 911. He says in court he won’t press charges and I believe him in just worried that the DA will not see past anything and send me to jail. What do you think? I have evidence of past times he’s been insecure about guys (texts, etc). But I may have done the same to him on occasion? I know we both just want this to go away. I made the mistake of calling 911. And I was arrested? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your brother. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916-728-7210.
I have an order of protection against someone. He violated the order by talking to my sister, asking her to talk to me about dropping the order. He, or someone he’s friends with, has pretended to be his mother and begun sending me emails asking me to drop the order as well. I’ve called the police who said this was a violation and that they would file charges and have him arrested. How will I know if the police have followed through?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. For legal advice or resources, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or be connected to resources, we do offer a variety of counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My daughter has a 3 year PFA on her boyfriend due to emotional and physical abuse but 2 weeks ago he was threatening her on the phone that she can’t keep him away from her unborn child or her appointments so he showed up after her appointment and grab her and is forcing her to live with him what can I do to protect her and will she get into trouble if he is found on her property
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your daughter is experiencing that with her former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for her and you as well. According to http://www.pcadv.org/Learn-More/Domestic-Violence-Topics/Protection-From-Abuse/, A Protection From Abuse (PFA) order “gives protective ‘relief’ for a victim (and sometimes children) for up to three years.” Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916-319-4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If your daughter has not had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

If I’m in an abusive relationship and I take our pets (registered in my abuser’s name) and flee town, can I be arrested or sued?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question; due to legal aspect of this question, I would refer you to contact the Family Justice Center at 916-875-4673 for further clarification about what options you have. If you need any additional support, please contact us on our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952

My husband and I have heated loud and physical arguments on a weekly and sometimes daily schedule, around our 4 month baby. I’m scared that this is having a negative impact on her and that I’ve day these violent shouting matches will get our baby hurt. I ask him to lower his voice he gets louder on top of our baby. I want to leave this apartment with my daughter by I seriously fear him.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want to commend you on the courage and bravery it took to reach out and share your experiences, that is not something to be taken lightly and we are proud of you. We want you to know that you are not alone, and you have our support. You are very insightful and aware, and a very good parent to recognize the negative impacts that this is having on your child. A young baby is much more susceptible to serious trauma being exposed to violence versus a toddler or even a young child that can impact their development negatively. It sounds like you are making efforts to decrease the fighting that occurs around your child, which is good. Please know we are here for you, and you have options. If you are wanting to get out of your situation, we have many supportive services that could be helpful to you, including a safe shelter program. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, we are here for you. 
My daughter went through a domestic violence situation with her boyfriend two and a half months ago. He was arrested for that and some other charges and is currently in jail. She is currently pregnant with his child. I need some answers to why my daughter wont face me or talj to me on the phone. Just an occasional text here and there. The night it occured she texted me to come and i did and stayed with her and her other children for several days. Right now she wont talk about what happened and seems to be avoiding me. We are normally very clise. Can someonw who has been through domestic violence please tell me why shes acting this way towards me. I cant find information anywhere else about this and its really bothering me. Is this normal behaivor for her after this trauma? How should i act or what can i do? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We can understand that the incident might have left you feeling unsettled and confused, and it’s understandable since it’s your child. We are sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse in her relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your daughter is enduring. Domestic violence can be extremely traumatizing and when ready to do so is processed differently for everyone. You have been a great mother to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your daughter unless she is ready to talk about it.  The best you can do is continue providing support in the best way you can. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about counseling services.

My husband and I were both charged with domestic violence we are not pressing charges against each other we just want to go forward and forget this terrible night ever existed we waved our rights for attorney did we do the right thing our bail was set at $40 and they only held us for 6 hours I’m going to live in Massachusetts

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Due to your question having a legal aspect, I would refer you to contact our legal department to seek guidance. WEAVE’s legal department can be reached at 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail line so when you call, leave a message and they should return the call as soon as possible.

In addition, it may also be helpful to reach out to Family Justice Center at 916-875-4673, they also have legal advocates and may be able to better support your with your needs.

If you need any other support or information, please contact our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I’m curious if this would be considered domestic violence …………I have 2 teen children 16 and 19 and I’ve lived with the same man for 17 years he has never been physically abusive to me but it seems to be emotional abuse and he has made me feel like I’m not good enough for him and my children have told me if I leave they will either stay here or move with their father because the man we live with is their uncle and he has made promises more times then not he has told me many times I’d have nothing if it wasn’t for him and if I leave I’d be on the streets and he’d make sure that if I live in this county I reside in he’d make my life hell I’d rather move to a different county and I’d hate to say it but if I take my kids they will tell him and his family where I am my son 19 has yelled at me and told me to leave shit the way it is and stop being such a cry baby ……my bf has made promises of marriage but yet he jumps when his wife calls and they have been separated for over 18 yrs way before we hooked up and when I bring it up he becomes verbally abusive and makes me feel like I’m crazy like I should just deal with how things are or just leave I know my case isn’t as bad as others but I still feel like I have no way out

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are going through this. We can only imagine how difficult this situation is, but we want you to know you are not alone. You started your question with concerns about the validity of what you are experiencing. We want you to know that we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Domestic violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. There are many factors and layers to your situation and it seems like you are not in a living situation where there are healthy relationships and forms of communication from all parties. Depending on where you are living, you may have access to resources that could help you get out of your situation, regardless of what your family wants you to believe. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.7233 to get connected to resources in your area. 

Wife has what appears to be bi polar episodes. She goes from being sweet- needy- to worried- angry – saying violent things and often making violent gestures or minor whacks on me and children that are not directly related to the kids behavior, but more related to her personal preferences at the time…. Should I file a restraining order? If I file divorce she will turn it into a total wreck inflicting as much damage as possible on us. She is very smart and talks a lot. What should I do? [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this. Due to the escalating violence, I would recommend you reach out to the WEAVE Legal department to see what safe options are available in terms of filing for a restraining order or separation. They can be reached at 916-319-4944. In addition to that, WEAVE’s support line is available 24/7 for any support and information at 916-920-2952. We are here for you.

My ex husbands restraining order is up in a couple of months. We’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m afraid once it is up, he will begin to harass me again. Would he serve jail time if he did start up again as soon as it’s over? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are glad you reached out. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916-440-6797 or 916-319-4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Was being regularly hit by my ex-girlfriend 4 over a period of a couple of years and I was basically protecting her for a while and not even realizing I was being abused. Then I thought maybe if I tell her I’ll call the police maybe she would stop… No, then she insinuated if I called the police on her sheets scratch her face. And I quote why do you think I keep my nails so sharp. So I decided the best thing to do because we had a child with the start documenting things in recording things and she realized I was doing this. One day we get into a verbal argument and she runs outside with the baby screaming the top of her lungs please sir called I get arrested. Charges are dropped three days later because she didn’t show up and I believe she didn’t because she thought they might file charges against her for what I had been been recording. She basically kidnaps my son runs down to Florida and when I call CPS to find my son she claims I was abusing her the whole time and she needed to get away. Not only was I falsely arrested but my beautiful boy was taken from me. Now when I go into court for custody hearings they keep bringing up that incident even though all charges were dropped dismissed and expunged. Now the only thing I can do is file for paternity and parental time sharing. This is an absolute crime yet she navigated the system and one in every way. CPS looks at me like I’m the abuser and then the reality I was trying to get her to get help I didn’t want her to go to jail but she kept refusing or would say she would and then didn’t. No way to describe it other than the worst nightmare of my life
 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this abuse with your ex-girlfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it must still be for you. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707.  If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
 
For about 2weeks now It hurts when I swallow, lose my breath when talking and if talking for more than a minute I start to lose my voice. Went to Dr and they found nothing and then I looked up all these symptoms and realized what it could be. It’s possible it might be Laryngeal Fracture. The reason why I think it could be that was because about a month ago my wife and had an argument and it lead to her putting her hands around my neck and started to strangle me. Only lasted about 2-3 seconds until I got away. I did not think any damage was caused at the time but it definitely scared me and I couldn’t breath for that limited amount of time. My question is will she get into trouble if I tell the Dr. What actually happened??

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced this with your wife, as it can be a very confusing and traumatic experience. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is very important to reach out to your doctor for medical assistance. Medical professionals are mandated reporters for domestic violence, but please don’t let that defer you from getting medical help. You are the patient in need of care and can control the information shared with your doctor. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

Me and my fiance got in a fight and it got physical nothing bad but I called the police and now he has a felony domestic assault charge he should not be in trouble for us fighting I just got mad at the moment and called the cops we have a great life together 3 kids 2 of which lost their real mom last month to meth and we are very happy just got stupid whiskey drunk and got dumb from it what can I possibly do to help him get out of this and get our life peaceful again???????? I’m desperate!!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. One option to consider is contacting the responding law enforcement officer to discuss the issue by contacting the non-emergency police department number; if it was the Sacramento Police Department, their number is 916-264-5471. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916-551-2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916-564-6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I started hitting him first because I was so angry. Since I wouldn’t stop he grabbed my hair and started pulling it. Then he started slamming my head against the counter and window. This was in a car. I wanted to report him but he said I would be the one to get in trouble because I started hitting him first. My question is does this count as domestic abuse on his part since he’s the man? Was it wrong for him to put fight back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that this happened and we can understand how upsetting and confusing this must be for you. We want to make it abundantly clear that violence has no role in a healthy relationships. We understand that situations get escalated, emotions get heated, but the key to a healthy and successful relationship is communication. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime. Not only women can be victims of domestic violence…men can also be victims. It sounds like within your relationship, both of you have issues communicating with each other in a healthy and effective way. If this is a relationship that you both are invested in, and would like to grow in, it could be beneficial to receive some support regarding communication and coping skills, such a counseling perhaps individually and then as a couple. However, if this is a relationship where you feel you both are getting into fights like this, then maybe it would be best to walk away. Please know you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to discuss this further or get connected to our services. 

I been married for almost 2 years and my wife has a son that’s 13 yrs olds and ever since we got together and married he has changed to worse. He smokes marijuana punches walls on our home and has pushed her mom and has kicked me. He is super aggressive tours everyone including police. He is trying to become a gang member and is doing every thing that’s is wrong. He don’t come back from school unless we call the police and report him as a run away kid. He has told police and a juvenile detention officer that he is going to do anything that will put him in Jail for life. He has no regret of what he does and I’m afraid he will hurt or kill someone soon..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are sorry that you and your wife are going through this. This sounds like a very upsetting and frustrating situation. Without knowing more about the child’s history, such as any past trauma or reasoning for his recent change in behavior, we cannot provide a perfect assessment to explain his behavior. Of course it is normal for teen’s behavior to change but what you are describing sounds like an escalated and extreme situation. We would like to encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where we could discuss this situation further and also provide some resources that could be helpful, such as anger-management counseling. 
My ex-boyfriend was very emotionally and then physically abusive. I never reported it to the police out of fear that he would retaliate. It’s been about 2 years now, and I’m worried that he could still be looking for me, or even do this again to his next partner. Should I still report it? I think it’s past the statute of limitations, but I fee like it should be on record somewhere. What should I do? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your recent fight with your fiance. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your fiance might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate, please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

my soon to be ex husband got arrested last year for domestic abuse against me. I finally had the courage after 8 years of dealing with his abuse to call the cops and have him arrested. he got deported to mexico but came back two months later after his mistress smuggled him back into the country. He just got arrested again for domestic abuse against her and is in jail and will be deported again once he serves his sentence. my question is when I file for divorce will I be able to request full custody of my three girls and get his right terminated or will the court try to set up a visitation schedule once he is out of jail?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry that you are going through this and feel we have many services that could be helpful to you. We want to say that we are so proud of you for what you did to end the cycle of violence, we can only imagine how hard that was. It took tremendous courage and bravery. We would like to refer you to our legal advocates to answer your specific legal questions regarding divorce and child custody. Their scope of practice is through Sacramento County. To get in contact with our legal advocates, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, your legal questions, and they will return your call within a few business days. For further information about our services, to speak to a crisis counselor, or get connected to resources in your community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My BF of 7 years was arrested for assault with a strike and had a no contact order until his court date. This was the worst case as it progressively got worse. However I feel guilty because it only happens when he drinks he doesn’t remember and is a marine vet. If charged he could lose his job. I didn’t get him arrested however since we can’t talk I feel like he hates me while I still want to be with him. How do I not feel this way? And should I drop the charge and go back with him?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your feelings and concerns, we can only imagine how confusing and upsetting this situation is for you and we want you to know you are not alone. We understand that you are struggling with legal circumstances out of your control and also your feelings for your bf. Without knowing more about the case and what you have been experiencing within your relationship it is hard for us to give you specific advice such as what to do regarding the charges. However, it sounds like there may have been some aspects of your relationship where he became abusive or abusive incidents occurred…if that is the case we want you to know that there is no excuse for violence. It is never ok for someone to hurt you, regardless if they are intoxicated or if they had a hard day at work or whatever excuse/reason. We want to remind you that you are not alone, and you have lots of support. To answer, “how do I not feel this way”, we feel it could be helpful for you to talk about your experiences with people who may have had similar experiences, and therefore find validation and community. Our agency offers both group and individual counseling for the issues of domestic violence, and you can learn more about those services by contacting our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My wife is epileptic, she had a dead piece of tissue that they removed that caused the seizures. she developed short term memory problems, manic episodes and extreme suspicion, paranoia and leaves recorders in the house and her parents house to see what we say about her. We recently had a little girl and i was hurt at work.
I am in litigation and we are loosing our home, she wont work, i cant work and she is seemingly trying to discredit me as a deadbeat now wants to take our baby and leave. She says because the baby is conceived in her, that its her child and not mine. I am not allowed to leave without her, i am constantly being accused of having a whore that i go to when she gets mad. Her Parents have turned their backs on us when they knew all this before i married her, and are running away from the problem. I have no clue what to do since she will call the police as she has before if i leave and reports me as a missing person.What do i do?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you concerns, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. This situation sounds incredibly upsetting and intense, but we want you to know that you are not alone. It sounds like your wife has gone to such extreme measures to not allow you to go where you choose and be supportive to your daughter. We want to support you in the best way possible and it sounds like you could benefit from utilizing some of our legal services. We offer legal workshops regarding the issues of Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders, and others. If  you would like more information on these workshops or our other services or to get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you would like further legal support not regarding those issues, please call our Legal voicemail at 916.319.4944. Please leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern, and our legal advocates will return your call within a few short business days. 

I have MS, my husband is my primary caregiver paid by the state we live in $2300 a month. Recently I found a video of me on the floor not breathing. The video lasted 4 mins my face was purple I looked posed like a frog. He says I fell off the bed n he tried 6 hrs to get me up then just gave out!! We were on a USAF base but he never called 911!! He didn’t intend me to see.. I have $400,000 in life insurance and just prior to this he was trying to get me to get more. I live in an extremely small town I took video to “MAYBERRY OFFICERS” they looked at me like I was crazy even though he has a prior DV conviction.. what kept me from dying my cat!!
Now same husband just walked off left cleaned out bank to the negative flew 2000 miles away to be with his online Whore.. he made no arrangements for me and I’m 100/% dependent on him is this not abuse!!


Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. This sounds like it may be under military jurisdiction and contacting the law enforcement on base may be an option. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal services– 916.920.2952.
I’m not sure how to say this, My domestic partner has been abusive to me for about 3 years now we lived together in the shelter about a year ago I tried to break up with him since then I’ve been with him until December I started trying to break up with him again and now I did get away from him got a restraining order and my problem is I am still in the shelter someone I’ve known for a very long time wanted to know how long before I can come into the shelter with a different person? I have my son with me in the shelter as well? Can I immediately just go back to path or is there a time period I must abide by before I can go into the shelter with someone else? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, we do not know the rules and regulations regarding staying in each local shelter, and are unsure of which shelter you are staying in. We do have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources, if you would like to discuss it with one of them. Our support and information line can be reached at 916-920-2952
My boyfriend has a past misdemeanor domestic violence charge from another woman & one pending domestic violence charge that “the DA has kicked back to the local police department” ***(edited for length) Needless to say I’m terrified to ever call the cops again or try to defend myself…3 days ago he punched be in the side then pushed my face so hard into a pillow for so long I got another bloody nose and all I could do was lay there and hope he stopped. After he did he said if I called the cops I would go to jail again.
Now that I’m too scared to fight back or call the cops I’m wondering if there’s any advice for someone in my situation?…
Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your boyfriend is putting you through, and understand how hard it is when the local PD isn’t much help. Please reach out to our support and information line at 916 920-2952,we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources. We also offer up to 8 free sessions with a counselor, if that is something you would be interested in. To access those services, we ask that you come in for a walk-in triage. Our address is 1900 K st. Sacramento, CA. The times for walk-in triage are: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM

My girlfriend and I got into an argument. She was intoxicated I was sober. She ended up calling the police to try and have me removed from our home. Instead during her rundown of events she indicated that she knocked a cigarette out of my hand because I lit it in the house which we don’t smoke in. They immediately said she was being arrested for domestic battery, even though she didn’t commit it against me. I had no marks, I didn’t call, and made no statement that she hit me. I simply agreed that she knocked it out of my hand with the intent on putting my cigarette out. How can this be? She never hurt me. She is 27 and never even had a speeding ticket, she has been in jail for 2 days since it is the weekend, will they release her on her own recognizance tomorrow at her hearing? I don’t see how they are trying to charge her with battery when she did not.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting this situation is for you and we are sorry that you experienced this. It definitely sounds like this was a situation where the control and ability to make a choice about a response was taken away from you and that is very unfair. We recognize that every situation is not clear-cut or black and white, and there are lots of gray areas that can make it difficult for people outside of the situation to understand what is truly going on. We want you to get the best support you can, and we feel that your question could be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates, and our legal team can be contact by calling the legal voicemail at 916.319.4944. When you call please leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal questions, and they will return your call within a few short business days. In the meantime, if it is available to you, would you be comfortable contacting the law enforcement agency that became involved in the situation to see if they can provide you further support? They should have given you an info card with the case or report number before they left, and you could contact them to provide you with some clarification on her arrest such as what she is being charged with and when she will be released. Sometimes they can even let you speak to the arresting officer and they can explain it to you. If you have any further questions or need any more support or resources, don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Hi. I am a male, i have being with my fiance for the last 17year living with her for 15ish years. Up until now i haven’t even thought of it as abuse. She was drinking every night and she would say things about me and my family that she wouldn’t say if she didn’t have a drink. The next day she wouldn’t remember anything. If i was at work the next day when I get home she is acting like nothing has happened.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. From what you have shared it sounds like your fiance’ is sharing some inappropriate or hurtful things with you regarding your family while she is under the influence of alcohol and this has become a semi-regular occurrence. Healthy communication is the cornerstone to every relationship, and without that there will be no foundation for success. You both are about to make huge commitments within your relationship and we are certain that you want healthy communication to be a part of your relationship. That is a two-way street, and if your fiance’ either uses alcohol to cope with emotions or uses alcohol to confront you about difficult situations, regardless that is not healthy. Perhaps it would be helpful to attend some sort of couple’s counseling? It could be helpful to sit down with an outside, unbiased party who could provide some more insight and evaluation into what this could mean. If you need any further support in this issue, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We can get you connected to resources within your community that could be helpful to you in this situation. 

My ex-boyfriend was very emotionally and then physically abusive. I never reported it to the police out of fear that he would retaliate. It’s been about 2 years now, and I’m worried that he could still be looking for me, or even do this again to his next partner. Should I still report it? I think it’s past the statute of limitations, but I feel like it should be on record somewhere. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be. States generally do have a statute of limitations on domestic violence. For legal advice in regards to your next steps, you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process as well as learn about our legal  – 916.920.2952.

My ex best friend of several years and 1 year more than friends, inseparable, he did everything for my son and I. Years went by and I was still never anything other then his friend or neighbor. He found someone else and had me arrested multiple times and jailed. All over false allegations of domestic violence via cyberstalking. Of course it turns out to be refused in court no charges were filed and that was that. But got arrested multiple times. Ruined my life. He was the abuser who got away with it because he is as cop. How can I ever ruin him like he has done to my life my future my sons future.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you went through this. I am sorry that you had to go through that. We can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you and your son, have you thought of getting some support with a counselor? If you would like to discuss this further, learn more about our services, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We want you to feel supported and to know that you are not alone in this.

Are domestic abuse charges dropped from defendant when victim dies

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We appreciate you reaching out, however due to the nature of your question it may be helpful to contact the District Attorneys office for additional support. They can be reached at 916-874-6218.

In addition, it may be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center at 916-876-4673 and speak with a legal advocate. If you require any additional support or information, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

My question or comment.. I am looking to get help in getting some things out and in storage. I attempted this afternoon at 130pm and unfortunately the ABUSER I live with started going off cussing aggressively. I had to call the person I found on Craigslist for moving help and warned him about my situation. BUT I STILL NEED HELP.

I AM SCARED BUT I HAVE NO ONE REALLY.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this. Based of what you have shared, we would recommend you contact your local law enforcement agency, whether that be the police department or sheriffs department, and request a civil stand by. This will allow you the time to clear your items while still assuring safety. If you need additional support or information, please call our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

An unwanted house guest of my partner (we live together but she owns the house) has been verbally abusive towards me, put urine in my coffee mug, and ensures I’m scalded when I shower by messing with the water. Is this grounds for a protective order or no? The “guest” is my girlfriends ex that refuses to leave. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your situation, we are so sorry that you are going through this. We can only imagine how upsetting this is for you, and it is not something you should have to be dealing with. Have you tried talking to your girlfriend about your experiences and how you feel? We would hope that she would be receptive and not wanting you to be experiencing this kind of abuse. Legally, even if you do not have your name on the lease you still have legal claims to the house if you pay rent there and have occupied it for a certain amount of time. We would like to encourage you to reach out to our legal advocates with your concerns and see what support or advice they can provide. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and your legal question and they will return your call within a few short business days. If you have any other concerns, want to know more about our services, or get connected to other supportive resources in your area please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

My ex had gotten charge with hitting me now over a year later now their wanting to charge me as well for hitting him too. Can they really do that when I live in a other state now and it’s been over a year and I was never change with anything or now went to jail for anything.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry you are experiencing this and it sounds like a very upsetting and confusing situation. Without knowing more about your case we cannot provide the Legal support and answers that you need. However, we do have a wonderful team of Legal advocates who would be more than qualified to provide you with the support you need regarding this Legal matter. You can call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and they will return your call as soon as they are able within the business week. Additionally, their scope of practice is within Sacramento county. If your legal situation is not in Sacramento County, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can get your connected to legal resources within your area. 

I need Advice I dont Know what to do.. I’m in love with someone who is sweet but he gets mad quick I get Scared sometimes. If my significant other gets mad quick because I asked Him the same question 3 times.. because he wasn’t clear in my opinion & then he chokes me & squeezes my face & points at my forehead really hard is that a sign of him not wanting to tell me things & being violent ?

Thank you for contact WEAVE, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary this situation is for you and we want to do everything that we can to help you. We are so sorry that you are going through this and we want you to know that you are not alone. It is normal to have a broad range of emotions and to sometimes transition between feelings quickly, but when those emotions become violent, that is not okay. Domestic Violence can occur to anyone. It could be your friend, a family member, a co-worker. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We understand that this may be a lot to process, and we want you to know that you have lots of support. If you would like to discuss this further with a crisis counselor, get connected to our services such as Counseling or Legal, or if you would to know about resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone. 
My adult daughter had her ex break into her home and assault her yesterday morning. He destroyed her home, belongings and stole her cell phone. She called the police and they took pics have a warrant for his arrest but he has her cell and is emailing posting revenge pictures on her social media contaxring her co workers and clients and has ruined her life!!! Can someone please help with courses of legal action that she can take against him. My state is MO. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your daughter is experiencing. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. To find services in your area, please visit https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/mo or give the National Domestic Violence hotline a call at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
My ex boyfriend is an alcoholic. He frequently come home drunk and has been starting very aggressive arguments. Everytime i raise my voice in defense of him he blames me for yelling as the reason why he smashes things or physically hurts me. He never has struck me. But grabs me, pushes me to the floor, amd smashes and destroys my things. I really want him to leave but hes on the lease and refuses to leave. When i say im going to call the police he threatens me or threatens to hurt himself so i am actually afraid for my life sometimes. How do i go about this situation of getting him out?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing harassment from your ex boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Please reach out to our support and information line at 916 920-2952, we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support, safety planning, and other resources. Similarly, you can reach out to our legal department at 916 319-4944. You’ll need to leave a message with your name, contact info, and a brief explanation of why you’re seeking legal help, and a legal advocate should return your call in around four business days.

 

I’m in America free to go to whichever safe haven I want, I want to go to a safe house really due to being dumped in the street by my ex- boyfriend that they never really treated me for, a time or two I was needing pain medicine and now I have high blood pressure, I’m in trauma from so many times I got battered and it’s abusive doing that to me, they don’t seem to think and it’s dangerous and I got assaulted when in public ,been needing some quiet time ever since I’ve been thinking about in it. I was having spasms when I was in distress. and not only hurting but was in pain alot, every time I try down here for a safe haven, they keep brushing me off and I’m already a survivor from a previous assault that happened earlier in my life and I want to be treated right. **(edited for length) Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please give our support and information line a call at 916 920-2952. We have advocates standing by 24hrs a day, who will be more than happy to assist you in safety planning, offering resources, and providing emotional support!

In order for me to get an apartment after being in an domestic violence shelter do I have to file an order of protection for the person who abused me?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding this issue, knowing what legal action to take after experiencing domestic violence is very important and it is good to be aware of your options. Obtaining an order of protection or sometimes called a restraining order is completely voluntary, it is a personal choice, and not something that is a requirement to obtain housing unless there was a court ruling to do so. However, it is something to consider when thinking about the best options to keep yourself safe, but still an individual, case-by-case situational decision. Only you know your experiences best and what would be the best options to keep yourself safe. If you would like to discuss this issue further, please contact our legal voicemail to leave a message with our Legal Advocates who will contact you within a few short business days. The number is 916.319.4944, please leave your name, a safe-identified contact number to return your call at, and your legal question. Our legal advocates scope of practice is through Sacramento County, so if your case is through another county please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line to obtain further legal resources. We are always available to provide support, access to our services, or resources within the community at our 24/7 Line at 916.920.2952. 

In 2014 -2016 me and my brother moved in with my dad and his girlfriend and kids and her daughters who are older than us and as the time went on we saw a side of my dad’s girlfriend that we never knew .She verbally and physically abused us, for me when she whooped me 30 times one day for coming home in my gym clothes because she wanted me to come home in what she sent me in an I was sore for about two weeks my lower part was purple and while she whooped me I was screaming and she got tired of hearing me so she slapped me and told me to shut up or she would put duct tape on my mouth …… But I regret it every day knowing that she is still living her life and doesn’t think what she has done was wrong but she would just say it was discipline and I would hate for her to do it to someone else I wonder what I could have done to put her away besides getting evidence since are bruises were gone. (Edited for length)

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that you went through all of this, enduring situations like that is not an easy thing to do. Although we cannot answer to what could have been done at the time, it may be helpful to seek out some additional supports to help process all of those instances. We are available 24/7 on our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.  In addition, it may be helpful to come into weave to either seek out individual or group counseling for support. Our Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Although we cannot change what happened in the past, we are here to support you as you move forward.

If I call the cops on my abusive boyfriend and he’s not on my lease or any of the bills at my house or anything will they for sure be able to make him leave. Cause I sure Wud hate to the call the cops and there’s nothing they can do because it’s a “civil” matter ! And that Wud make it so much worse on me if they can’t make him leave and I called them

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. We commend you for reaching out for support. Unfortunately, I cannot promise that the police will make him leave. One option is going down to the courthouse and filing a move out order. Also contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services to get more support is always available to you. Our Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose we are here to support you.  

I really need help. I’ve been married for 5 years now. The first 4 years was good. Last year it all went bad. My husband has broke my rib busted my nose and put a knife to my throat. I tried to leave and he treated me saying if I make it out he will hunt me down and I’ll regret it that’s if I make it out or I can leave but it will be in a body bag. He has never hurt my kids ever. Tonight my daughter didn’t wanna go to bed. Out of no where he hit the heck out of her back with a belt. I called the cops but he lied to them and they left. Idk what to do. Am such a worthless mom. Help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. Child Protective Services may be a good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep the children from the father AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

About 7 to 5 years ago i was emotionally and sexually abused by my ex fiancee. Is there any way i can file a lawsuit without having to confront him. It gives me the chills just thinking about this and i dont ever want to see him. I saw him around november of 2018 while I was on my way home from work in Berkeley, CA and i got a panic attack just seeing his face. I never went back to work since that day because i didn’t want to cross paths with him again. He use to buy me alcohol. He cheated on me several times when we were engaged and he use to make me smoke marijuana so that i can be “relaxed”.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. First, we want to say that what you experienced in your relationship with your ex fiance’ is not okay, and we are so sorry that happened to you. We can only imagine how hard it has been to process that trauma, and running into him must have been very triggering. We hope that you have a strong support system that you can lean on. Next, we would like to refer you to our wonderful legal team who would be more qualified to answer your queries regarding filing a lawsuit. They practice law through Sacramento County and you can leave a message with your name, a safe-identified contact number to return your call at, and your legal question/concern, and they will return your call within two-three business days at 916.319.4944. If you do not live in Sacramento County, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and we can refer you to supportive services and legal resources within your area. Please know we are here for you, and you are not alone in this. 

How can we as parents address plausible accusations of violence against our son who is middle aged. We are aware of his controlling behavior and his verbal abuse but up until this time we weren’t aware of any violence. His father has had conversations with him in the past regarding this behavior trying to get him to understand the damage he is doing to his all of his relationships with no results. This last weekend it became physical and we are heartsick and frightened. We live in another state and considered traveling to confront him but became concerned that might just make matters worse.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We applaud you for recognizing that your son may be a perpetrator since you yourself have seen a different side of him at times. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with their emotional health, so they don’t continue their violent behavior. Your son on the other hand seems unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions and if you fear he can become violent, trust your intuition. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check or other options. You can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate for more emotional support.

The other night I called the police on my husband who suffers from PTSD and he choked me until I could not breath after an angry argument we had where initially I was irate in text messages and calm when I got home he got violent when I got home and I fearing for my safety called for help with the police. My husband fearing he would be arrested made a statement that I held a knife to him and they arrested me they said because I through text messages looked like I was the aggressor and we both told different stories. His lie has brought fourth a felony arrest for what occurred and if charged I will lose my career, my education and my future potentially. My husband wants to stay married but he doesn’t see that he had the control of his bx not to allow it to physically escalate and he had not care for my safety and that is why I called the police. My life was more important than his inability to self-regulate. I hired a lawyer and I hope the charges are declined by the DA, my husband refused to press charges and pleaded to the police not to arrest me. Over the years I’ve endured so much abuse and trauma with this man and the day I call for help the police make him the victim. I’m seeking support in my church, my family, and friends. I don’t want to be married anymore to this man and now I have a criminal lawyer when in should have hired a divorce attorney months ago. My only question is where should I go from here when everything feels stacked up against me.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your husband. We understand how frustrated you must feel about him still having this much power over your life, even after all of these years. You have shown so much strength over the years and it’s important to remember that, especially during the difficult times. WEAVE has a legal department that is for Sacramento residents only; however if you need legal assistance in another county, The National Domestic Violence hotline may be able to guide you in the right direction and can be reached at 1-800-799-7233. The emotions of distrust and confusion are very normal as this was someone you love and trust. You may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about start the counseling process – 916.920.2952.

My bf does what ever he wants..when he wants; and when after 4 yes. teied to take 1! bath without him in the room called me names, threatened me,and said if I don’t have sex with him soon I’d never see him again. And then stated “And everyone is gonna be on my side,you watch, b****!” Not new,just getting wierder and worse! Area cops are useless! Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If you would like to talk to advocate you can contact us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My mother in law told my husband to put order protection on me with all lies. I want to call her church and report her.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you are going through this. In order to give you more support we have advocates who offer emotional support and can further explore options with you if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My husband put lying order protection on me actually this is the second one. He stole my clothes and won’t let me get them should I call his lawyer?

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Due to the fact this is a legal question, we would recommend you get in contact with the Weave Legal Department for further support on what options you have. Our legal department can be reached at 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail number, so when you call just leave a message and they will return the call as soon as possible. If you need additional support or information, please contact our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

My friend said she was beat by her ex-husband 10 years ago and he is still trying to control her life won’t let her have any friends what is the best way to help her get her life back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. You are being a great support for her by reaching out on her behalf. Please feel free to have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options she may choose.

My husband has been verbally abusing me, sometimes hitting me and threatening to hit me or kill me. Just found out I am pregnant and the abuse and threats got worse. He wants an abortion and threatens to kill me if I don’t have one. I have told him several times I want a divorce and he needs to leave the house, which I have bought it. What should I do with a person that wont leave my own house and is being abusive and threatening? Have not told a soul of my situation, I am afraid and don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are going through this. You are so brave for reaching out for help. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. You can also file a restraining order so you can obtain a move out order to get him out the house. We also offer a divorce workshop here on the 2nd Thursday of the Month from 5:30 pm – 7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the Month from 3:00 pm – 5:00 pm. This workshop includes the opportunity for you to complete the necessary forms to start the divorce or legal separation, or to learn about the issues that may be involved in divorce/legal separation. There is no legal advice provided during the workshop; only legal information is provided, specific to filing for a divorce in Sacramento County. The workshop is open to the public and you would need to make an appointment by calling (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with your contact information. Please feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options you may choose.

My mother hit me as a child. I never saw bruises because I never thought to look, not because they were not necessarily there. I was sore for days after sometime though and one time u could see her entire hand on my cheek from where she had struck me. My brother told me it wasn’t physical abuse because I never saw a bruise. Was it abuse or no?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you went through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We define domestic violence as being able to occur to anyone, by anyone (your friend, a family member, a coworker, etc). It does not discriminate against age, gender, or economic status. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, technological, or spiritual. With that being said, we are certain this could be bringing up a lot of past trauma or memories or feelings you hadn’t felt in a long time. We want you to feel supported and to know that you are not alone in this. If you would like to discuss this further, learn more about our services, or get connected to resources within the community, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We feel there are many services that could be helpful to you in navigating this, such as Counseling services. 

My wife had a mental breakdown that was also alcohol fueled and became belligerent. She was causing a huge, loud scene outside of our home. She ended up falling down into something and injuring her face pretty badly. Our neighbors called the police due to the loudness of the situation. The police arrested me for aggravated battery on her. Her police statement to the police on scene was that I absolutely didn’t hit her and that she was acting crazy and fell down and hit her face. We both got attorneys. A declination of prosecution was filed by her attorney. I’m terrified and embarrassed by this perfect storm of coincidences that have me falsely accused. Do I have a chance for the charges to be dropped? This is my first run in with the law and I have no history of any violence what so ever. Thank you

Dear Reader, Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you both have taken the proper steps to resolve this. In complex situations like this it is best to seek advice from legal professionals which you both have already done. Although we cannot provide legal advice we would be more than happy to provide emotional support during this time should you or your wife need additional support. You can contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at (916)-920-2952.

My wife had me arrested saying I drove by her house Monday night violating the order. Now, I was at home with my roommate and talking to my mom as well. How can I be arrested for this violation when she cant prove the allegation? Now I have to fight that too.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We cannot provide legal advice but it does sound like the circumstances under which you were accused may need legal consultation. if you have an attorney it would be best to contact them. If you would like additional support or information please call us at (916)-920-2952

 

My step children are extremely abusive both mentally emotionally verbally and physically toward me and when I made the comment to my husband if they continue to escalate their verbally abusive assaults on me and he does nothing to stop them and did nothing to stop them that if it did escalate when he made the sarcastic comment that he would just get ready for work and leave and we can argue all night and I made the comment know if this continues I’ll call the police he commented back that whoever calls the police and embarrasses him will no longer live in this house what do I do When I have been told by the local police and sheriffs department to call them my husband tells me if I do he will divorce or throw me out but yet he allows his children to continue to emotionally verbally physically and mentally abuse me and does nothing to stop it if not encourages it by screaming at me like it’s my fault that they’re treating me that way when I say to stop that I’m the one that’s arguing with his children what do I do. Also there has been a few times where he has threatened to sexually raped me if I didn’t go along with his sexual advances or desires because of me being approved or not wanting him anymore which is not true but when I’m treated like I’m nothing I’m not really sexually motivated to do anything am I crazy Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your family, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Your situation can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. We have advocates standing by  to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you, if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Similarly, there is an organization called A Community for Peace, which specializes in family violence, and they can be reached at 916-728-7210.
Well one morning my boyfriend and I got into an argument after him verbally abusing me all night long he got in my face super close where his nose was touching mine and he cursed at me and I had been holding so much in from that night and I reacted and slapped him after he got all in my face now I have a warrant for that but I never received nothing saying I had court because I moved from the last place I lived what can I do or what’s gonna happen I’m scared to go to jail I have 3 kids in responsible for 24/7 Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though, I can imagine this is a stressful and confusing time. Due to the legal aspect of your question, we would recommend you contact our legal department for further support. The number to the legal department is 916-319-4944. This is a voicemail number, so when you call leave a message and they should return the call as soon as possible which can take up to a few days. If you need additional emotional support or have other questions, please call our 24/7 hotline at 916-920-2952.

I called the police on my girlfriend she was arrested for domestic violence i didnt press charges she was released i recieved a letter from the domestic violence unit 19 days later i wasnt home to recieve it and i didnt make it to the post office in time to pick it up what could that letter be about

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you had to go through that abuse with your girlfriend. Since we do not work for the domestic violence unit where the letter came, we are not sure what the letter could be about. You should contact the domestic violence and ask for another letter to be sent out or ask to speak with someone and they could possible explain to you what the letter was about. If you would like to speak with one of our advocates about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. 

My daughter who is 16 was in a relationship with a boy she met at her High School. They were both 14 when they met and started a relationship that became sexual by the time they were both 15. She hid most of it from us. About a year after they started dating, her dad and I came across evidence on her phone that he was abusing her. Long story short, it got worse to where we went to court and she was granted a restraining order for 18 months. They have lots of mutual friends and we hear about him. Recently he was put into juvenile hall for assault with a deadly weapon unrelated to my daughter’s restraining. Do we have the right to know when he is released and his whereabouts? We feel so nervous and scared that he might just turn up when we least expect it.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE; we are so sorry that happened, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for your daughter.  According to http://www.probation.saccounty.net/Institutions/Pages/ReleaseInformation.aspx, release dates and information for juveniles in custody are typically provided at a court hearing or by a Probation Officer. For further questions, contacting the Juvenile Court Services at (916) 875-6868 may be an option. If he does contact or make attempts to communicate with your daughter, he is violating the restraining order and contacting law enforcement would be the best option for that situation. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this behavior. If you or your daughter would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

elderly father with dementia threatens to beat disabled ill daughter to death & keeps threatening to throw her out of the house. constant verbal, emotional abuse, terror, & constant hostilities at home. hopeless, dispaired. Death is only escape? I am very isolated. No friends. No money. Disabled. Ill. Can’t stand or walk very much. I am sick of life long systematic mental abuse. Now unbearable because I cannot live in this beaten down broken mentally & emotionally disabled from systematic mental torture all my life long. God. Save me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. This can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911 for immediate assistance. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.

Hi this is tina i ran away from my husband from toronto to vancovour cause he threthend me my sister and kids in 13/13/2013 cause he rape me and beat me and my older son .he spoted me in vancovour bc 5 years.i never asked for shares or child support but after that i was in the resperator 5 times in 2017 i saw his friend in the same hospital in chilliewack bc hospital.i was in second stage.housing then i came back in 2017 april 2017 it just would not stop so when i came to toronto ontario i was in woman resesdents ledo motal i had to find a lawyer but i dont know what took my lawyer 1year but finily friday 11 2019 i was called to family i told my lawyer.all my fear.to give the judgebut i have to obay with all recepts.today jan 19 2019 12 pm they father will.being seeing them with my sister.but before i signing i told my lawyer that friend was my husband friend.31 devesion had arrested.his friend but my husband was.as well in 2 times arrested his friend was the one that sported us in vancovour help me 12 pm he.will be meating them kids are all under 14 years please help me

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you and your children. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.

My husband & I had gotten into a financial argument in his car. He pulled over & told me to get the fuck out of his car. I got out took the 2 mile walk home. I made it safely back home. Now he can’t even look me in the face. Is this abuse? Is he “trying” to be remorseful?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear you had to go through that with your husband. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We provide counseling and other services. If you would like to talk to an advocate and receive information please call us at our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

can I kick out of my house my son of 19 if he hits me, doesn’t comply with house rules, breaks things around the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We can only imagine how it must feel to not have your son comply with the household  rules you’ve established in addition to him hitting you.  We advise you to contact your local  law enforcement agency if your safety is at risk.  Additionally, when deciding whether to remove your son from your home it is important to consider your safety, their age, and how to transition them out of your home safely. We can provide safety planning and emotional support should you need it. Please call 916-920-2952.

I have a friend who needs help with filing for his divorce, he is ex navy seal with many health issues and has been dealing with his ex-wife who has frozen his bank accounts , locked him out of his face book account. He has suffered enough, the harassment and mental abuse is too much for him he needs some real help. Is this a place he may come to for help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that your friend is going through this. You are being a great support for him by reaching out on his behalf. We do offer a divorce workshop here on the 2nd Thursday of the Month from 5:30 pm – 7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the Month from 3:00 pm – 5:00 pm. This workshop includes the opportunity for the individual to complete the necessary forms to start their divorce or legal separation, or to learn about the issues that may be involved in their divorce/legal separation. There is no legal advice provided during the workshop; only legal information is provided, specific to filing for a divorce in Sacramento County. The workshop is open to the public and your friend would need to make an appointment by calling (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with his contact information. Please feel free to have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, or come in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811. Support is available, no matter what options he may choose.

My ex boyfriend and I would occasionally socially do drugs. One day he wanted to go the beach with our friends and do LSD. I refrained from doing the drug even though he tried to persuade me to join his trip. After sunset at the beach things went terribly wrong. he sped off and started talking crazily. He made me start driving after stopping the car in the middle of the road. He threw our phones out the window, thus loosing directions and causing us to end up on a deserted dark road. Where he dragged me out of the car and as I attempted to flee he tackled me and punched me. He ran away and the cops found him. where he was then baker acted. His parents sent him off to rehab where he calls me begging for a second chance. He swears something took over his body and that he would never ever hurt me. He swears he had no control and hardly even remembers. Do drugs really have this much power over someone? Should I believe him? Is he not at complete fault? Should I consider taking him back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. It is not easy to navigate situations such as this, and we commend you for reaching out for support. While drugs never justify violence, the presence of a drug abuse can contribute to a violent, abusive, or scary situation. We are all responsible for our actions and being under the influence of drugs or alcohol does not resolve us from taking responsibility. Your experience with your ex-boyfriend sounds frightening and it may be helpful reach out to our 24/7 Support & Information Line to talk with advocate about the feelings you are experiencing – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I’m in love with a man who began the mental and emotional abuse when we first got our home together . Got so bad I told him my son and I were leaving . He got angry said so your leaving me hit himself with phone charger had me arrested but sheriff new and the DA said not picking this charge up. Tossed out court. I did get a CPO grated then 5 year restraining order. He still contacted. After 6 months he never stopped harassing me threatening my job then one day everything change. Said he’s getting help wants us to go to consoling and I let him back got order dropped and the court rep. It’s not just emotional, and mental it gets physical bad. I went into work with a messed up face arms all be used up and he’s grabbed me by my throat just 2 weeks ago he had his hands choking me I could breath was barley hitting his chest and almost passed out. When released I gasp for air. I LOVE THE SOBER MAN I FELL IN LOVE WITH NOT THIS ONE HELP BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO [edited for length]. 

Thank you for reaching out to us  at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner into making the changes that you want. If he is ready to take steps to address his anger management problems and his history of abuse, there is a program called “Man Alive” which is an anger management course specifically for men only. She can reach them at (877) 366-8935. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.

My wife is getting physically abusive it’s becoming a habit about once a week if I try to stick up for myself with words or threats she says no one’s going to believe a man over a woman and she’ll just say that I’m the one that’s physically violent right now I have marks all over my face from her I do not hit back or become violent I figured out a way to not even get angry anymore what can I do to help her? Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner in to making these changes. If she is ready to take steps to address her anger management problems, there is a program called “The Alive Program” which is an anger management course specifically for women only. She can reach them at (916)929-3039. If you would like emotional support and other resources around this issue, please reach out to our Support and Information line at (916)920-2952
If I wanted to come into WEAVE for help/support for a few incidents I have been through with my ex would those incidents be reported to the police if I talked about them? I’m just looking for a safe space to talk about them and work through them without involving law enforcement. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. WEAVE provides counseling to domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. Everything you discuss with your counselor is private, confidential and protected, unless there is a subpoena ordered by court in case there is a court process. To find out more about the counseling process, please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 or you can attend one of our walk in triage sessions and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My aunt lives in Mexico with her husband and she isn’t allowed to go out nor come and visit the family ; she is expected to stay home cook for the husbands mom and clean and she isn’t allowed to work . Years back he had laid hands on her . She ended pretty badly. She went back because of the children . She got kicked out the house today and she wasn’t allowed to take anything and had to leave without her children . She’s really scared and frankly I am too. What should we do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear about what your aunt is going through in Mexico. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We are not familiar with laws in Mexico regarding domestic violence and marital laws. What she is going through is very scary and she needs as much support as she could get, does she have family in Mexico that she could stay with in the meantime? Can she go to law enforcement and file a police report for domestic violence and for husband wrongfully taking her children away? She could also reach out to non-profit agencies that provide assistance to victims of domestic violence there (if there are any). Ultimately she might want to seek out legal services and someone to represent her in order to be able to get her children back. This is a very scary and stressful situation and you and your family deserve the support as well. Please contact us at our Information and Support Line 916-920-2952 and speak to an advocate for emotional support.

Hello i don’t know what to do in case my daughters father tries to see her, I won’t let her go but I’m afraid of him and his family. Can he call the cops on me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are having some concerns surrounding custody of your daughter, and her father’s rights to see her? It is a little difficult for us to provide support without having more information, such as your current custody agreement, but from our understanding if you have a legal custody agreement, then there are certain rights that he holds to spend time with her. If you would like further support in not only understanding how custody works, such as shared custody and visitations, we would be happy to help you with that. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to contact you at, and your legal questions/concerns. Please know if you need any further support, want information about other services we offer, or resources within the community, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
He was play hitting me with belt asked him to stop he did it anyway so I hit him twice with a cord then he got furious and started hitting me with the belt more as I tried dressing to leave he even put a phone cord around my throat but didnt pull it right. Was this my fault since I hit him with a cord when he disnt stop after I asked him to? Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you are going through this. Violence is never your fault. Every relationship should be based on respect and dignity. The second you said stop, he should have, regardless of if you hit him with a cord or not. If you’re interested, we have advocates standing by 24hrs a day to offer emotional support and other resources. Please call our Support and Information line at: 916-920-2952.

My boyfriend has pushed me twice now to the floor while we were both drinking and fighting, I know I can be really mean while intoxicated and he has been under a lot of financial pressure (that’s why we are fighting) and the next day he doesn’t even talk to me about it or try to apologize or anything. I am concerned that it has happened 2 times and it might happen again or if I break up with him he might snap even worse. What should I do. How can I talk to him about this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you have been experiencing this with your boyfriend. Even if you have been mean and even if you have been drinking that does not give the right for anyone to physically assault you. I would encourage you to seek out supports for you and your boyfriend. Whether that be contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we just had our baby girl 2 months ago and he has never put his hands on me until a couple of days ago he got arrested and charged with domestic violence by strangulation he is still in jail and has been put on medication for or ad bipolar disorder and depression and it doesn’t really seem like he had control over it I mean I was with my ex husband for 9 years and he was very abusive and this just doesn’t feel like my boyfriend intentionally done it we hardly ever argue and we work together on everything and he has never been controlling I’ve never felt with him how I did with my ex husband so I was wondering if his mental state could of caused what he done and if he gets on the right medications and goes to counseling if our relationship could be the way it was before this one incident happened??? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear you are going through all of this right now, it sounds like there are some complicating factors. Mental illness can be difficult to navigate as it happens in the home, and although I am unable to say if it caused what he did, I would encourage you to seek out additional supports for you and your family. Whether that be contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line 916-920-2952, or coming in for a triage for counseling services. Triage is free and is offered Tuesdays & Thursdays 12 PM – 2 PM, and Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM at 1900 K Street. Support is available, no matter what options you choose.

My 24 year old son has been arrested for domestic battery and endangering the welfare of a child. His daughter is 2. Evidently he was drunk on tequila and Lord only knows what else. The little girl is black and blue on her legs, bumps on her head and bruise on her nose.
He has been in trouble with the law. Unemployed.
I don’t want to turn my back on him but his behavior has reached a new low.
Should I hire him a lawyer? Do I accept his calls from jail?
My wife is very mad with me as she thinks I should cut him out of our life forever.
I am sick all the way around and don’t know what I should do?

 

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear how your son’s actions are affecting you and your family. You ask some hard questions about life changing decisions. We have a 24-hour support and information line with advocates standing by to offer support, which you can reach by calling 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free sessions with a counselor, if that is something your family would be interested in. To access those services, we ask that you come in for a walk-in triage. Our address is 1900 K st. Sacramento, CA. The times for walk-in triage are: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM
I am having difficulties at home and am not sure if I’m able or eligible to get help. I have been kicked out of my boyfriends apartment quite often, we argue constantly, he is constantly calling me a b*****, we have gotten into a physical altercations and I feel like the arguments always get heated but every time I have left he follows me everywhere I go and so I stay in my car in a parking lot. I have been scared that something more might happen if I stay I’m not sure if I would even qualify for help and counseling. Can somebody answer my message with more info?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about your relationship and constant fights with your boyfriend. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your boyfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 and go over your options.

Where to get help post divorce 4/14/15, where I was abused and continue to be abused, by my X-husband, and our family courts in El Dorado County, California. I am 70 years old, lost everything except my homeowners exemption, working as nurse for 50 years, through garnishment must pay my X, $2200.00 monthly till he dies, plus $140,000.00 more. I have worked my whole life and helped others. My X-Husband had nothing and took everything from me – over $1 million. I was only married to him for 11 years-no children together. There was a trial due to his undisclosed assets-he never disclosed.  There were court documents that went missing, delays in court processing, talk of judges and attorneys being paid off. This is a travesty of justice. My X-husband has committed fraud, forgery, perjury, divorce trial in Superior Courts, El Dorado County, California, and no one cares [edited for length]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you have been going through this.  WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Am I stupid to think that he’d change and see that I am a good person not a lazy,fat, tweaking *****,and I have only done meth a few times in my Life I am going to a addiction therapist and I have been opiate free since January 6,2012… he said since he pays for my medication that I have to share it with him.he too was addicted to opiates (pain pills) and I am the only one who sought treatment for my addiction. So I think that I can ask you my question now Am I stupid because I have tried to make it work and after 32 years of the same thing and I am sickened by this because I don’t mean enough for them to get family counseling, my oldest son said earlier this evening, and I think that when he said that I knew that he is brainwashed about me his dad has always worked with him since he was around 10 he went everywhere because of the 3 younger kids ages 8,6 and 3 at the time Am I stupid or delusional [edited for length & content]. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you have been going through this with your husband for the past 32 years. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial for you to seek out counseling services and receive support. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I’m interested in receiving counseling from Weave but curious about how you typically conduct your counseling sessions? is it typically in group therapy settings or is there also one-on-one counseling available?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. WEAVE provides individual and group counseling services for those impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Please make arrangements for childcare during triage and counseling appointments. If you or someone you know needs counseling from WEAVE, please call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or complete a free triage assessment session during the following times:

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM
Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

My mother in law was assaulted by her adult daughter who was staying at her apartment. (The adult daughter had been staying there about 8 days at the time of the assault and the assault occurred 1 week ago today. She wants to dispose of her daughter’s belongings. Can she do that? (Colorado).

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear your mother in law was assaulted by her own daughter. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. She may also want to reach out to her local law enforcement in order to ask about her rights.

I’m afraid to leave my husband because I think he will try to pull the while suicide stunt again or start throwing things. How do I leave?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that you are going through this; this can be a very scary situation. If you ever feel like you are in danger at any time, please call law enforcement. I know that this can be a scary thing to do, however if your husband is making attempts at suicide, this is one of the ways to help ensure you and your families safety.

If you need help finding safe resources for leaving or would like to discuss some more of your options, please contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Please reach out if you need any support! 

I have a custody trial coming up in two months. I can’t afford the $8k retainer my lawyer needs. There was DV with the father 5 years ago, while I was pregnant with our child, but he was never charged. How can I get free legal rep at the trial? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you are going through this process and want to do everything we can to help support you. It sounds like you are looking for legal support with your child custody case. We have many legal services and resources that you can get connected with through our 24/7 Support and Information. Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a crisis counselor and get connected to legal resources. 

My wife was grabbed by arm and thrown down by neighbor whom was drunk and also slung childs riding toy at our heads. Intent to harm or worse. All the way to Chief. Did Nothing. Approx. 9 months later I accidently touched neighbors fence and Sheriff’s deputy shoved my wife by her breasts for trying to talk. The next day I was arrested on $3000 dollar bond. Neighbors continue to harass me and my family going on over 4 years. Seeking contingency Civil Lawyer. I want Justice, compensation, charges filed against everyone involved. Same Commissioner saw my wifes bruised arm. Need a Lawyer. Have very little money. A lot of documents, reports and pics. [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you and your wife are being harassed and abused by your neighbor. We are a Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Agency and our legal department only takes and assists with Family Law cases related to that. In seems that for your case you will possibly need to hire a private civil attorney. In you live in the Sacramento region for more information please reach out to Voluntary Legal Services Program-  http://www.vlsp.org/. As well as Attorney Referral Service – https://www.lawyerlegion.com/lawyer-referral-directory/california/sacramento-county/

We hope you find the help you need.

I have been abuse mentally and verbally abused. After 33 yrs of marriage my husband is using my Mental Afflictions to bring charges against me. I broke down and socked him. I was arrested, never been in trouble. After release I called WEAVE immediately and was told “You are the abuser we cannot help you. I had no place to go. I was told because he did not batter me physically I have no rights. I cannot comprehend the fact that an individual can abuse you mentally but because no hands were put on me, I have no rights. I have no record, I’m female, 70 yrs old with many ailments and now this man will once again wIll walk away. He is an abuser. Was found guilty in 1986 for child abuse and also was abusive to his first wife. I’m lost, I’m scared and I’m repressed by a Public Defender and to this date, months, he has returned only two calls and no other communication to this point. I have pre-trial on January 24th, court on March 5th and 6th. I feel I’m going to be chastised without any facts. Please help and Thank You.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

3 days after cataract surgery my daughter insisted on taking me to the grocery store and her massive S UV. I told her I felt a little unstable and asked if she would be willing to drive my car she said no I don’t want to drive your car I am more comfortable in the S UV. However as we were driving me she told me that this was the 1st time she had driven this truck. She also drove me to church in this truck and dropped me off at the front door it was difficult to get out of the truck. I felt very embarrassed I am 78 years old Female and it just felt awkward.We walked out of church together and back to the truck. She had parked it next to a curb so I had to wait for her to pull the truck out into the parking lot before I could get in she asked me to stand at a certain place but the trees were in my way so I moved further down To stand clear of the bushes. She got very upset with me and she said now look what you’ve done, There’s A-line of people behind me waiting to get out if you had just listened to me this would not have happened. I did not respond I just sat there and let it all pass. She Has a generous heart. Took me shopping to buy me a plant but insisted on getting something that she liked. She went with me to purchase a mattress for my dad and was constantly after me about watching my purse, Criticizes me in public. I I have always been respectful of her as a child and as an adult. I have a master’s degree in social work M now retired. However she treated me the same way when I was working. How can I handle situations in the future to avoid these kinds of reactions from her? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how upsetting and debilitating this situation is for you, and it is not something you should have to be going through. From our understanding of what you have shared with us, it sounds like your daughter is your primary caregiver? If what we are understanding is true, then it sounds like your daughter has some caregiver burnout. It does not excuse her behavior or treatment of you at all, but helps us to understand the situation better. We have a couple suggestions that we hope could be helpful in this situation. We understand that it is a difficult situation because you depend on your daughter for support and help with some daily activities but at the same time are very independent and have your own needs and lifestyle. Would it be at all possible and safe for you to have a conversation directly with your daughter regarding her treatment of you? Perhaps you both could have an honest conversation about your relationship and what you need from each other. If that is not an option, is being supported by someone else an option? Such as a friend, another family member, or even a supportive service program? If you have to continue being supported by her and she continues to treat you this way, we would like to encourage you to practice healthy boundaries with her. If she is mistreating you or you feel she is not hearing your needs, be clear with her and demand otherwise. Or take a moment to yourself to check in and ground yourself. How you are being treated now is unacceptable and we want you to know that we are here for you. We would love to support you further with this, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I got out of a toxic relationship two years ago and finally opened up to dating again. 
Long story short I gave the manchild my key we are no longer dating and he refuses to give it back. 
Aside from this triggering my trauma I really would like to know what measures I could take to protect myself and have him pay the consequences but I don’t know how or what to do and would hate to have to change my locks 
Any advice greatly appreciated

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Firstly, we just want to commend you for your bravery, leaving a toxic relationship is not an easy thing to do.

In terms of protecting yourself, there are a few different options on how to proceed. One way to aid in your safety is that you can file for a restraining order. If you require assistance with completing/filing the paperwork, there is a free workshop offered at the William R. Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. There is no appointment is necessary, and the class is offered every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8:30 a.m. until 12:00 p.m. Another option is to see if you qualify for Victim/Witness Assistance. This is a program that provides a number of services, and could help with covering the costs to change your locks. You can contact Victim Assistance to get more information at 916-874-5701.

If you need further clarification on these resources or need additional support, we are available on our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

If I die(left abusive 20 year marriage 3 months ago) even though we are still married, can I have my sister handle my affairs?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. If you fear for your life due to recently having left your husband/abuser of 20 years please contact law enforcement and/or file for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. But if you just would like to have your affairs in order there are legal documents you could prepare now, such as a trust or a will. For more information please see website https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/getting-your-affairs-order#important-papers

If you would like to talk to an advocate and go over more information and support for safety planning please call us at our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Canadian citizens are victims of domestic abuse and desperately need to return back to Canada. The family is currently lives abroad.
Husband has gotten hold all of their Canadian documents and so preventing them to return back to Canada. Please help.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear what this family is going through. Have you (or they) contacted Law Enforcement to file a police report? Also, it might be beneficial to contact the Canadian Consulate, for more information please see their website https://international.gc.ca/world-monde/country-pays/united_states-etats_unis/index.aspx?lang=eng

If you or the family would like to speak to an advocate and receive more information and/or support in regards to safety and action planning please contact us at our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I got out of an mentally abuse relationship. So know my ex started to threaten me. We both was living in a house where I paid everything (rent, utilities and food). I had enough and moved out. I couldn’t get all my belongings out in one trip so I came back the next day and the locks where changed. The lease is under my name only. I still have important belonging in the house. I texted him and he called me all kinds of names. So I turned off the utilities. Now he starts threatening me with lies. I’m a Manager and deal with money every day. I’ve been doing this Typ of work for over 20 years. He said that he will call the company I’m working for now to tell them that I stole money from my old companies. I never stole a penny in my life. I don’t know what to do. Can I call the police because he is trying to blackmail me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are going through this situation. You should definitely call law enforcement and have a civil stand by while you are able to collect your belongings. You can also file a report with them about the threats he has been making towards you. You can also file a restraining order so you can obtain a move out order to get him out the apartment. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I left an abusive relationship… he is doing everything he can to make my life miserable. .. I’m staying with a friend but can only stay a couple days. I need a place ASAP! My ex took all the money I had and I don’t get paid again until next Friday… I’m desperate if anyone can help I would appreciate it!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your abuser even though you left him. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will be best for you.


 
I have been living with my significent other’s family for about five months. His sister and father have been harassing and intimidating me since day 1. His sister has threatened to kill me in front of my son, has charged at me multiple times, glares at me intimidatingly, has gone through my personal private property and destroyed a few things. The father has grabbed my wrist and squeezed it very hard once, grabbed my sons shirt collar and threatened him, has verbally threatened me multiple times. 
I am wondering if this is all still considered domestic violence though my significant other and I aren’t married?
Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are sorry to hear your partner’s family are treating you and your son this way. To answer your question, Yes this can be a form of domestic violence called family violence. We have advocates standing by  to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you, if you reach out to our 24-hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. Similarly, there is an organization called A Community for Peace, which specializes in family violence, and they can be reached at 916-728-7210.

If my abuser leaves can he come back and take stuff out of my home? We have 3 kids. He wants to leave and in two weeks get his stuff after.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It may be safer to have law enforcement do a civil standby while he comes and retrieves his belongings. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I am in a negative, abusive arrangement made by my brother/family without my permission or consent. This person is verbally abusive and absurd behavior, pranks,hacking, humiliation and I have the Atlanta Police Department,officials and Mayor involved surveillance, bullying and harassment, death threats, intimidation, unkind. I have been terminated unfairly and filed with the EEOC. My family members spearheaded by my brother are also watching me. I cannot retain any lawyer anywhere because of people who influence are huge. I am looking somewhere for shelter and help in the the Southern California area. I am hoping for some help from somewhere. This city is corrupt on every level and I am in dire straits.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your family. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. But since you leave out of state please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).  

My daughter is in abusive relationship. Her boyfriend a bum uses her car as his house and sex place for them. My 18 y .o daughter went to jail twice for domestic violence due to he is controlling, abusive they fight a lot and her bf got battery misdemeanor when he healed at her. The 1st jail time of my daughter was dismissed. The 2nd time she still in jail waiting for arraignment but the day she got pick up her bf got pick up too and book him is arrest warrant for burglary, resisting arrest, giving false name, and battery towards an officer. I’m bailing my daughter if arraignment will not be on her side. Her bf will stay in jail for sure. Is my daughter case will be drop since her as accuser is in jail too?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions. We are so sorry to hear that you and your daughter have been going through this; I know this must not be an easy situation to navigate. Due to there being a legal aspect to this question, I would recommend you contact the WEAVE legal department for support on what next steps you and your daughter can take; they can be reached at 916-319-4944. In addition to this, it may also be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center at 96-875-4673 for additional legal support.  

Through this stressful and confusing time, I want you to know you are not alone. We are available 24/7 for you and your daughter via Weave’s support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I am chronically ill and therefore disabled and cannot work. I am financially dependent on my abusive parents for medical care, health insurance, medication, and all of my living expenses. I don’t know how to escape this situation because my medical care is so expensive. They sabotage my attempts to get on disability income and punish me for trying. They also sabotaged other attempts I have made to leave in the past. They blatantly want me helpless and under their control forever. It feels like the only way out would be if someone decided to just pay for everything for me. How can I get out of here when I need so much money just to live but I can’t work?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this with your parents. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. WEAVE has a variety of resources including counseling and a 24/7 support and information line. We are here to support you, please reach out to one of our Peer Support Advocates at 916.920.2952.

What takes place in a triage appointment? Is it kind of like counseling or?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Triage is for counseling, please see below the attached information:

 

WEAVE provides individual and group counseling services for those impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Please make arrangements for childcare during triage and counseling appointment. If you or someone you know needs counseling from WEAVE, please call our 24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or complete a free triage assessment session during the following times:

1900 K Street, Sacramento – 2nd Floor

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 PM – 7 PM

Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

Triage counseling is free. Community counseling is available to individuals, couples, and families on a sliding scale of $40 – $100 per session.

All counseling services are provided by WEAVE counselors and not associated with any other local counseling or mental health service.

The first message got sent as a text message (instead of iMessage – not sure why), then a few hours later it got sent again as an iMessage. My boyfriend asked me why I sent the message again and said that I “f***ed up”, basically implying that I probably sent it to some other guy and told me to “just be honest if I’m cheating”. He always asks me if I’m cheating on him, and I always reassure him. I have friends and family that can vouch for me, but he refuses to reach out to them and confirm my whereabouts. He knows he has insecurities, but we always seem to have little fights here and there about his suspicions. I’m trying to keep the relationship together, but I’m not sure how much more I can handle. He has taken photos of my texts and sent it to my friends. The photos didn’t imply anything, and my friends are not on good terms with him any longer. He’s been better since, but now it seems like things are just repeating itself. I love him dearly, when things are good, he is lovely to be around. He is an alcoholic and has been doing fairly well, but recently he went on a binge over the weekend. I’m ready to give up.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concern and we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. It is difficult to be with a person that requires you to constantly defend yourself and your actions. It is important for him to recognize that trust is really important within a relationship, but he needs to be willing to change and improve to make it strong and healthy. At the end of the day you need to make sure you are doing what you need, to take care of yourself. Please reach out to our 24/7 support and information line with any questions you may have or for additional support at 916.920.2952.

 Who can help me when my husband is being mentally abusive towards me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear you are experiencing this right now, but we want you to know it is very brave o to reach out for help. In situations such as mental abuse, it can be helpful to have a plan of people who you can call for support. In terms of how WEAVE can help, utilizing the support and information line can be one way to get that support. We can be reached 24/7 at 916-920-2952. In addition to the support line, it may also be helpful to come into weave for a triage and speak with one of our counselors. We offer triage three days a week, Tuesdays from 12-2pm, Wednesdays form 5-7pm, and Thursdays from 12-2pm. This is all our midtown location, which is at 1900 K Street in Sacramento. You are not alone and there is support available.

My son and his wife live in my mobile home and he’s mentally abusive to her and she runs to me I live next door in a camper. she here lately has done it once a week my husband is sick of it and told me to take her to her mom or dads or back to trailer. he works hard 6 days a week and my son and his wife don’t work and yesterday my husband couldn’t find his air gage and a tool in shed was not put back where it goes so I go and tell son he goes off saying that’s his trailer and screaming n I heard him slamming doors. He is losing his mind and getting worse he’s 36 years old and his wife is 34 and she has 3 boys but she can’t see them and my son has 3 he can’t see he cusses me like a dog. I’m getting worried about him going to get kicked out not really but still I do he is my son and cops all they do is put someone in jail and fines and stuff that’s not necessary. [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about all these things going on. For your son’s wife, we would encourage you to give her WEAVE’s information and support line number 916-920-2952. When you give her this phone number, you can share that we are available 24/7 and able to provide her with support, safety planning, and resources that may be helpful for her situation. For everything going on with your son, it may be helpful to look into getting a restraining order or look at other ways to set boundaries. For more information on options or additional support, you can also call the support and information line at 916-920-2952.

Just writing here because I’ve been in a terrible situation that I tried to finally get out of and it just escalated. The man who I’ve been dating for three years has been emotional abusive and gaslighting me the entire time. He has extreme anger issues and I’m scared to fall asleep next to him since he often screams in rage. Just recently while on vacation while joking around he started to choke me and only stopped after I pretended to pass out. After this situation I knew it was time to leave so a few days ago I tried to break it off. I am trying to get my new phone line before I attempt to end things again with him but I’m not sure about any of the legal issues that he can potentially charge me with and was wondering if there’s anything I can do. (I would prefer no police as my town is excessively small and he’s friends with all of them) [edited for length]. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing violence in your current relationship. It sounds like he has taken control of your relationship and is manipulating you into staying with him by threatening you. We advise you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You need to work with a Domestic Violence agency near you and go over a case plan and safety planning in order for you to leave him. You may also benefit from speaking to an attorney in order to get legal advice about your options. Although you are afraid of what he can do, you don’t deserve to be treated that way and to stay with him because of fear.
MY GIRLFRIEND LEAVES IN A TANTRUM THEN COMES BACK WITH COPS RIGHT AWAY DO I HAVE TO GIVE HER HER STUFF, OR CAN I MAKE HER WAIT? Thank you for contacting us with your question. We cannot offer legal advice but we do suggest you work with your local law enforcement agency to find out what the best option is for you and your girlfriend regarding her belongings. If you have any other questions or would like support and information, please feel free to call us at 916-920-2952.

I live in an apartment building and suspect a neighbor is being physically abused by her boyfriend. I have reported my concerns both to management and security patrol as soon as I hear what sounds like abuse: yelling, cursing by the boyfriend, the female screaming and crying and items being thrown and smashed against the wall. I don’t know the young lady and I don’t feel comfortable approaching her about it. What else can I do? They have a baby and I can’t bear the thought of him/her losing its mother or growing up and either being abused or being an abuser.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We understand your concerns, based on what you shared it seems like it might be domestic violence or a co-combative relationship, but it’s hard to know. It can be uncomfortable to reach out to her since it’s a very touchy subject, and she might not be ready to open up and/or admit there is domestic violence. While it’s good for you to have reached out to management and the security patrol, that might be all you can do. You may consider contacting law enforcement next time it happens at their non-emergency line 916.264.5471 and reporting your concerns, since there is also a baby in the home. Law enforcement is trained to deal with domestic violence and they have information and resources that they can provide to survivors once they are called to a home. Thank you for being a caring neighbor.

The guy I’m seeing demands total control of me, he always says things like, “no lip, do you want this to end, you’re my little slut” etc. we have just started seeing one another and he already wants me to move in with him, claiming I’m perfect for him and he knows I need him. None of which I have said myself. He also isn’t following the complete consent rules of BDSM. I’ve explained my hard limits and he’s shown little to no care of them. I’m confused because when he’s not in the mood he’s very sweet and I just melt around him but it’s a literal flip of the switch. He says I shouldn’t see my friends unless he deems it necessary. So I guess after all this my question is, how much further could this escalate to a point of no longer being safe? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear your partner isn’t respecting you, or your boundaries. Healthy relationships, especially those in BDSM/kink communities, rely on all participating members to adhere strictly to boundaries and consent. You are the one who defines what is safe for you, and what isn’t. If you feel unsafe, you may want to safety plan around what your next steps should be. Similarly, if you ever feel like you are unsafe, please call 911. Also, you can call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this situation with one of our advocates, to offer emotional support and further explore all options available to you.
My ex is in jail for serious domestic violence against myself, some involving the children. The children’s court appointed solicitor is recommending to judge to terminate my ex’s parental rights, given his serve mental illness and suicide attempts. I’m worried for our safety upon his realise, my solicitor said we will talk about that very soon, I’m worried they will suggest that I relocate to a different city town, I love where I leave. Is it possible to make a order that he has to relocate taking into consideration he does not recall have a permanent home anyway. I feel he should be sent to a mental health rehab upon release who should I discuss this with? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry to hear you and your children are going through this. We can’t really advise you here without fully knowing your case and 
since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

What’s considered domestic violence. My boyfriend an I got in an agreement because he called me stupid an retarted after I couldn’t remember a password I use a year ago. I told him that was not ok to call me that and he said it again. So then I said your stupid and retarted if I’m at. Basically letting him know that it doesn’t feel good to be called that. He said leave him alone and he don’t want to talks about it. He left room and went in patio and close sliding door. I went to open it and he push me twice while it was half way open and close it when my thighs was still in between. I don’t think he realize my legs was still in between the door. He said leave me alone when he push my twice. This never happen before. I did not put my hands on him. He said if I just left him alone then it would of never happen. He said he had a bad day at wrk and not himself today. I know his human and humans get emotional and make mistakes. He said it will never happen again.

Thank you for contacting Weave with your question, we are so sorry to hear that you are going though this right now. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there has been some emotional or verbal abuse occurring. Although it is true that humans make mistakes, if you feel frightened or intimated by your boyfriend it may be helpful to reach out for support.  If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

So, my parents are splitting up after 30 years of marriage. For context, I’m a 22 year old female living at my parents’ house in Houston, Texas, and I’m the eldest of three sisters. My dad has a lot of anger management issues, and on the night of Christmas Eve, he and my mom got into an altercation involving my two younger sisters (I was in bed at the time, I heard everything but did not see it). I guess why I’m writing to you guys is this. Is it okay to feel deeply sorry for my dad, even though he’s the abuser? I know my dad well, and I know he regrets it every minute and that he’s ashamed of his behavior. I love my dad, and I want him in my life, but is this all right to want? What do I do? How should I feel? This is the worst and strangest situation I’ve ever been in, and I don’t know what to do [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear everything you are going through as a family right now, it must be heartbreaking to see your parents separating after 30 years of marriage. Although your dad reacted very badly and in an abusive matter during that situation where your sister and your mom were hurt, it’s okay to feel sad and sorry for him, he is your father after all. Your dad showing regret and being ashamed says a lot and perhaps he could benefit from attending counseling in order to stop his behavior and to understand his feelings and emotions. Also, you, your sisters and mom could benefit from seeking out counseling services as well in order to emotionally heal. Since you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you and your family get the assistance you need.

My girlfriend of eight years and I got into an argument I pulled her phone out of her hand, she had me taking off the premises by the police. Now she wants me to come back and I want to make sure that is legal because they told me don’t go back there until they say it’s OK, is there something she can sign?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We aren’t sure if an emergency protective order was granted when you were taking off the premises. The only and best way to know if you can go back without getting in trouble is for you or your girlfriend to contact the Sacramento Police Department at their non-emergency number 916.264.5471 and inquire about your case. Also, if you and your girlfriend are going to stay together and would like to avoid a similar situation where things can get worse and/or out of control we recommend counseling for you individually or for the both of you as a couple.

My neighbor, a single mom, has a 40 yo son living at home with a drug addiction. She has attempted to seek help for him but the doctors are taking him off all his medication and he is threatening to burn her house down, drag her out while on fire so authorities can identify and bury her. This man is crazy and a danger to our community. The Miranda act only removes him for a short period. What else can be done?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. If you are concerned for her safety, you may want to contact your local law enforcement’s non-emergency number to ask for a welfare check on them. Also, if you get a chance to see her outside her home and it is safe to approach her, you may want to let her know you are concerned and provide her with our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can call us and talk to an advocate to safety plan.

I married a widower. We live in his home. From the outside he looked wonderful. But after we married two years ago, he became abusive and controlling. He controls all of my money and threatens me daily. Where can I get financial help to move? I am desperate. I don’t even have a car.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry you are in an abusive marriage, it can be very scary and overwhelming to leave the abuser. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can go over an action plan and safety planning, as well as help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.

My abuser pressed charges on me for domestic assault. Now I’m on probation. The abuse has continued and he has made threats to call my PO when it was self defense. I’m also scared of retaliation if I file order of protection.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through that with your abuser and we understand it can be very scary to reach out for help and be heard. We can’t really advise you here without fully knowing your case and since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

I believe my son.was hurt and.his.mother and.my family have hidden it from my self and the police?I started having thoights.my son was being hurt, his.mother and her mother his grandmother came to drop him off and he had a cut on his right hand palm his.mother&grandmother were crying shaken in tatters, my son wouldn’t look at anyone or speak he was pale as aghost,my mother&sistersat wile I over herd that ,(*******)had went to my work to “RUIN MY LIFE &do something BAD<-her words,”And some body hurt Him!! after words I immediately had ahead time trying to get my son to talk or play he was scared of everything,I walked back out,and they refused to tell.me because I over react abput.my son being fucking !!molested,I went into a deep depression in relized the had been stalking me at work and with a hypowerd Drone!!! to and from home and broken into my home , i.am.relixe who Nd what has happens my family refuses to help his.mothrr and there family do not care I need answers or guidance on who to call people around.me know but won’t help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. If you believe there’s a history of abuse with the mother and/or grandmother with the child, here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sherriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep your child from the mother and grandmother AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss

June 2013, my son almost died, beaten by his dad (X). I was 5 months pregnant with his 2nd son. My entire world collapsed. As a result of my Xs abuse to my whole family, I lost my driver’s license, my van, my home and my reputation. The court took Xs parental rights and gave him 10 year jail sentence.

During the past five years my son has healed and grown up to be happy and healthy. With minimal lifelong physical damage. I carried the pregnancy and am grateful his brother never had to know the abuse.

I have worked with every agency I could think of. Trying to rebuild my life for me and my kids. 5 years later and I am still struggling every day. Still no driver’s license and we are still homeless. I am working, which barely covers our hotel room. I am desperate for a real home. Is there help available? I hate that his abuse still haunts us. I am working as hard as I can to provide. But it is not enough. We need help. I don’t know who to ask or where to go…. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you and your family have experienced that kind of abuse and we can only imagine how traumatizing this continues to be for you all. You are more than welcome to call our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get information about the resources we have for housing programs. We are here to support you!

My husband is threatening to leave and take our 6 month old baby. He is mentally and verbally abusive to all of us. Can he take our baby?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. What you are going through sounds very scary and we are here to support you. But since your question is legal, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916. 319.4944. If you would like support while you navigate through this please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952. You can over over safety planning and learn about the many services we provide. You are not alone.

It has been about 2 years since I left my abusive ex husband . and when I left I kept everything bottled up inside and never talked about it . I can’t talk to my family about it cause there first question is why,did you stay,for so long that was stupid on my part ! I have have horrible anxiety and nightmares …. I,work at the hospital in my town and they offer councling and I,went twice and did not go back I was so,embarrassed to,talk,about what happen to me ! That was a year ago …. Im,ready to,break my,silence and tell someone what happen to me … And to,help,other women out that is going through the samething how do I,go,about doing that ????.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We can only imagine how it has been for you  to live with everything bottled up for the last two years.  It is completely normal for you to experience anxiety after dealing with Domestic Violence. Many people find that it takes a few times of trying to go to counseling before someone is comfortable and we want you to know you don’t have to feel embarrassed.  In regards to helping others, this is a great first step to doing that! There are many other ways you can help such as volunteering, spreading awareness, and sharing resources with others that you know may benefit.  Processing your experiences may be hard at times so if you ever need someone to talk to or if you need support and Information please call our 24-Hour Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I am stuck in an extremely abusive relationship, mentally, physically and financially. My mother passed away three years ago and my father is an addict. I don’t have anyone else to call for help or to stay with. On top of that I am disabled I can’t work. I have no income. Shelters are honestly scary and makes me even more anxiety ridden. I don’t know what to do anymore . I feel like I’m trapped and I’m gonna be tortured like this till it end in death. Hopeless and alone .

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. We would love to talk to you, please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will be best for you and keep you safe.

I guess I’m not even really sure what to call this…..I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years, he’s always been really caring, with a big heart and has been my shoulder and best friend. We just recently moved in together and some things have started to seem really off. So, here’s the thing that has just started that is really baffling me. He wakes up at least 2 or 3 times during the night, usually around 1 a.m., 3 a.m. and maybe around 4 a.m. and I have to get up for work around 5:30 a.m., and each time he does he wakes me up but not with kisses or trying to snuggle, he jabs at my chest and ribs with his fingers and grabs my hands and says he’s tickling me but it’s painful, it’s always the fingers jabbing at me and sometimes causing bruising. When I tell him it hurts he says I’m not being fun or saying I’m just making excuses for him not to tickle me. I tell him to please stop so that I can sleep but he says he was missing my company and continues. He then crawls to his side of the bed and starts asking me to massage him back to sleep and if I start falling asleep before him (mind you at 3 a.m.) he starts saying things like, “I guess you didn’t mean it when you said you’d always take care of me” This has been going on for the last two weeks (the tickle thing) and I just don’t get all this new erratic behavior. Something just definitely seems off. We’ve been living together for about 3 or 4 months and he’s making more and more comments that seem unkind and tells me I’m really starting to be a complainer if I ask him why he’s being so unkind. I’d love any feedback, because I’m confused and hurt [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, it seems like there is a lot going on right now. Although we typically try to avoid making sweeping statements, based of everything you’ve shared it definitely sound like your boyfriend has been exhibiting unhealthy behaviors. All of these instances where your boyfriend does says or does thing to make you unsure of whether or not you’re behaving appropriately could be seen as emotionally abusive, even if its only happened a handful of times. The jabbing and not being respectful of your time could also be seen abusive behaviors. Due to these potentially abusive conducts, it may be helpful to visit yourcleanslate.org and complete the quiz on healthy versus unhealthy relationships. Being able to self-assess your relationship may be a helpful way to come up with actions to keep you feeling safe and respected in your home. In addition, we encourage you to contact our confidential support line so we can do some safety planning and provide additional information. That number is 916-920-2952. Until then, please be safe and take care of yourself.

Can my ex date his probation officer before and after?? He was on probation?? I was recently in a very bad domestic violence case that has been dropped already, my ex was facing 20 for aggravated assault but by his mother having money during the case..he was able to beat the case. I’m drained drained should I contact her supervisor in have her phone in media data screened??should I file motions with the court of Clayton county Ga, I was abused by both my ex in the system has failed me I have so much pain in anxiety depression… homeless [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are going through that at the moment. If you fear for your life please reach out to law enforcement and/or dial 911. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We recommend you to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Is it possible to obtain a domestic violence case and go to jail for accidentally scratching someones ear due to their own actions?, lets say you and your significant other are at a family members house and shes feeding your child and the two of you get into a quarrel about litterally the Weather and you grab with not enough to hurt her but slight pressure by the top of the ear (like im sure a lot of peoples parents or grandparents have done at some point due to childish behaviour), you do this not meaning to injure her in anyway shape or form, now keep in mind its been like a month to a month and a half since you clipped your finger nails, and your significant other decides instead of asking you to let go, to jerk her whole head away (almost headbutting your child) and leaving a small scratch on the inside of her ear, a neighbor has called the cops by now due to the volume in which you were arguing about the weather, they show up and they see that she has a scratch on her ear, that looks way worse then it actually is because anything open above the the neck bleeds profusely, and the police book you on domestic violence, you spend the night in jail and get out on o.r. bond and…how likely is it your going back to jail?…Am i doing everything that i should be? Is there anything that could maybe help my situation or any advice? [edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

In Washington State, can someone with 8 DV Felonies and 2 Gross misdemeanors hangout, be friends with and advise an unrelated person who is also a vulnerable adult? I’ve just learned of his record. and I’ve also just learned how good of friends he’s become with someone I care for…a vulnerable adult man of 64 who has some rough health and now has memory lapses, can’t concentrate well anymore so he doesn’t read or use a computer much.. though he does still drive and lives in his own home.. but he’s definitely struggling to maintain his Independence. I see the result of this jerk putting bad ideas in his head and am wondering if anything can be done about this preditorial relationship [edited for length].
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. However, we understand why you are worried about your elderly friend, since he might be being taken advantage of by this individual who might have ulterior motives. We recommend you to reach out to Adult Protect Services in your County and/or reach out to possible family members of your friend in order to keep them informed about this individual and his friendship.

I left my narcissistic abusive ex with our son who was at the time 3. We lived in DV shelters for a year until I got a house. He sued me for joint custody and got it even though he lives with his parents who are as horrible as he is. He makes between $70,000 and 80,000 a year but can’t move out because of his drug problem. I found out he has been on drugs since the day he got joint custody. The drugs are getting worse and the meth is eating his brain. I have become terrified enough of him that I feel like I need to get a will in place and make sure my son, now 8, is taken care of. Am I overthinking this or should I be afraid? My boyfriend and I took a break for two weeks in July and experience narc was positive we would get back together no matter how many times I told him we weren’t. Things have gotten worse from there until tonight I am genuinely afraid. Any suggestions?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence. The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources; they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.

What do I do about my sister and her kid and her friends are coming over and breaking everything I have and hurt my dogs and wrote that if I didn’t leave they would kill them. What can I do? the cops won’t do anything????? I have no one, my mom just left and said that she didn’t do it and she don’t want to talk about it and starts yelling at me to go away.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you are going through that with your sister. You don’t deserve to be treated like that in your own home. We recommend you to continue contacting law enforcement and file a police report everytime. You may also want to file for a Civil Harassment Restraining Order, you can find information in the Sacramento County’s website at https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/civil-harassment.aspx. If you would like to talk to an advocate and receive emotional support, please call us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I was recently involved in a domestic altercation with my ex. During this time he pulled a handgun out loaded it and then pointed it at my 1w year old son. On the police report it states that since he’s not my ex’s child they put him down as not a household member and did not press charges. My question is shouldn’t charges be pressed and why did they put him down as not a household member. And shouldn’t child neglect charges be pressed against him

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Question is can I sue the state for not ever contacting me on 2 parole hearings for the guy who shot me in the back of the head on valentines day? They never once did and from what the court had sentenced him he was to serve 12 yrs without the possibility of parole and the 2yrs he had served while waiting 2 be charged and sentenced was not gonna count or go towards the 12yrs without parole. Do i have a good case to sue the state or sue who ever i need to, to get justice. I should have died that night but god carried me save my life. My face is scared where the bullet came out my mouth. I’m missing teeth. I have no left sinus cavity and my neurologist is tell me my memory loss is getting worse as well as my speech. Please help me [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear that you have been going though this can’t imagine how difficult and scary it must be right now. Since this is a legal question we recommend for you and/or your sister to call our legal line at 916.319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. They can provide you information on filing for a restraining order. As for pressing charges, it may be helpful to contact the Family Justice Center to get additional support on what rights you have. They can be reached at 916-875-4673.If you would like more information and/or would like to talk to an advocate please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My boyfriend is verbally and emotionally abusive. He has been physically violent in the past, but its been almost a year since the last time. However, this morning I woke up to him yelling at our 4 year old for wetting the bed. I went to the bathroom to check on her and after getting her clean clothes, she wanted the door closed for privacy. So she was standing behind the door and I was in the hall on the other side of the door. He comes in the hall yelling and slams the door open before I could tell him she was on the other side. Door hit her and busted her mouth, top gims bleeding. Is this abuse since he was angry and yelling at her? Or just an accident? I’m not sure what to do here.

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE.We’re very sorry to hear about what you and your daughter are going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916)920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.
BREAST CANCER MASTECTOMY MAY 2018
BEEN SEEING SOMEONE FOR FOUR YEARS ALONG THOSE FOUR YEARS EVERY WHERE WE WENT EVERYWHERE ID PAY FOR THE GAS HOTEL ROOMS FOOD LUNCHES DINNERS GASOLINE BOUGHT HIM GROCERIES SHOES UNDERWEAR EVERYTHING. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. ALL ALONG HE HAS TOLD ME HES NOT IN LOVE WITH ME NOR DOES HE WANT ME. HES A PLAYER. HAS MANY WOMEN,
I DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE ANY OF IT.
ONE WEEK OUT OF HOSPITAL HE TOLD ME I MADE HIM SICK. HES SICK OF ME. KEEP IN MIND IM GOING THROUGH THE REMOVAL OF MY BREAST. NOW HE SAYS HE FOUND HIM A WIFE AND SHE PREGNANT AND HES CHANGING HIS WAYS SO HE DONT GO TO HELL [edited for length].
Thank you for reaching out. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity by their partners. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking. If you’d like to discuss your options with someone, our 24-hour Support and Information line has advocates standing by. You can reach us at (916)920-2952. If you aren’t in the Sacramento area, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.
 

What if you have a argument with your boyfriend through a text and you tell him your ending the relationship and he gets upset and say bye?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If you would like to talk to advocate you can contact us at our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

This is kind of embarrassing… I live in Ohio,I’ve been with my ol’ man coming up on 17 years,he has lied,kept everything he could secret,and cheated in some way the entire time.I wouldn’t marry him,we have 2 kids. To keep me here he threatens to get my kids taken away, ruin me with my family (he has taken drug set up pics. If I find them I delete them). We argue, he now gets real loud so kids can hear and will start saying I’m a drug addict,I’m imagining things and need mental help ,I’m unstable.etc. He also says I leave without a dime because I’m stay at home mom, cars,money, house is in his name. Not only am I lost on how to leave and not be in a shelter,but how not to be blackmailed with set up pics,and not even a dime, but how I’m treated worse than scum in a ditch, lied to 24/7, kids brainwashed against me, he tried to convince my whole family I’m nuts, lost friends because of him, can’t go out because of his mental backlash,I’m mortified I’m being spied on!!! [edited for content].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry about everything you are going through with your husband. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. We recommend you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Ok, I have a sister, she called the cops on her boyfriend for hitting her and now he’s in jail for domestic violence and now she wants to go and visit him in jail. Can my sister get in trouble for visit or not?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry your sister went through that with her boyfriend, breaking the cycle can be difficult and we are glad she has you for support. Since this is a legal question we recommend for you and/or your sister to call our legal line at 916.319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. It may also benefit your sister from seeking out counseling services, here at WEAVE we provide free counseling to survivors of domestic violence. If you would like more information and/or would like to talk to an advocate please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I am married to a man who is a good human being . But recently he is been having problems with achohol . He has suffered some issues already but not able to quit . He acts weird and talks badly when under alcohol effect. But never admits drinking . He says , he was angry in that situation or blame me of my parents for some silly issues . We have. Four years old lovely daughter . He was the best dad for my kid’s first 2 to 3 years . Now acts strange . Can not explain his behavior. What should be the ideal steps I should be taking in this case . I recently stared working full time. And would like to continue .

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you are going through with your husband. That sounds really hard to be going through. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want help, you can’t force him to get it. That has to be a decision he makes on his own. As far as the next steps you should be taking, here at WEAVE, we recognize that healing looks different for everyone. We won’t tell you what you need to do next. We want to empower you to make the best choice that works for you and your daughter. We can, and will, discuss all options available with you, in order to help you reach whatever resources and steps may work best for you and your daughter. If you’re comfortable calling us, we have a 24-hour support and information line, which can be reached at (916) 920-2952, and advocates are standing by to safety plan with you, offer resources, and emotional support in whatever you decide is your next step.

There is a lady that has threaten my unborn child and me and I need to know what I can do to make sure we r safe even after child is born

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you have experienced this; we can only imagine how scary this must have been for you. If this person was an intimate partner you can apply for a domestic violence restraining order, if not you can apply for a civil harassment restraining order. You can gather the information by looking up or calling your superior court in the city you reside. If you have any additional questions or would like support please reach out to our 24/7 information and support line at 916.920.2952.

So in my house my mom and my uncles girlfriend got in a big dispute nothing physical,I went home because my mom sounded very agitated when I got home everything was fine so I left to spend time with friends and when I got home at midnight I found my uncles couches all ripped up and torn and I found knife in the table and a couoke in the counter and the couches were destroyed, and now I’m kinda worried that if that lady was capable of such thing what can else can she do? can my mom take that as a threat and if so what should I do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what happened between your mom and your uncle’s girlfriend, what she did to the couches sound very scary. If your mom fears for her safety she should reach out to law enforcement and/or filed a police report. If she would like more protection for herself and for you she could get information about a civil harassment restraining order. You could access this information from the Sacramento County’s website at

https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/civil-harassment.aspx. If you need more information in order to support your mom and/or your mom would like to talk to an advocate please call our 24-hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.

My 20 year old daughter said I pulled her hair can I be put in jail for that? The cops read my rights and told me I can get a lawyer and gave me court day! Can I go to jail for that even if is a lie?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experience or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Asking for a friend. She broke up with her common law husband. After 1 month he thinks she’s seeing someone so he calls 911 said she pulled a knife on him & took his bike

She took her bike home. Now she’s going to jail but he wasn’t marked no bruised no witnesses just his lie

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? He said to me & others he lied. What can she do? She’s unemployed & broke right now

Can a police officer rescind the warrant because he lied A he wasn’t touched B

NO PROOF OR WITNESSES SHES SCARED TO DEATH!

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that your friend is experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can help provide her with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please have her leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave her name, a safe-identified phone number to return her call at, and her legal question. Legal advocates will return her call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about this experience further or get connected to more resources, you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

Is there any place someone in a domestic violence shelter can get help with a car payment the abuser said she paid and didn’t ??

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We want to commend you on not only reaching out today for support, but for leaving your unsafe situation. That takes tremendous courage and is a feat that should not be taken lightly. Unfortunately we do not have any services or resources regarding supporting car payments, but if you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 we can you to other agencies or programs in the area, provide you with emotional support, and connection to services. 
My sister’s father (mom’s boyfriend) is emotionally damaging my mother and just a jerk all around. I’m scared that the more my mother asks of him, he could snap and start hitting her. I want to put a protective/restraining order against him, just to get him away from my mother, sister and I, but the problem is because of my mom’s financial problems, only his name is on the lease of our house. Is it possible that if I get a restraining order on him, could he evict my sister, my mom and I? I’m just so worried and I want to get him away from us. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry about everything your mom’s boyfriend is putting you and your family through. Based on what you said you might benefit from speaking to our legal department. If you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

I’m in a marriage and its unhealthy I know my flaws and someone erased what I had wrote so here I go again hi… I’m in a marriage where my husband says hell get a job when I leave or hell clean when I move out or if you said it I’ll be it over anything negative I say but if I said you’ll love me etc. he’ll say no no to anything positive he’s even allowed his @the time 17and 1\2 year old daughter involved herself In an argument we had by attacking me and I defended myself just to have he call the cops and she lied to them saying I attacked her hurt her arm etc. I got told i couldn’t come to my home my own home but I did because my husband said to and it was the worst mistake because I had one drink with him and he started an argument and then call the police and so I then got a felony but he know how to test me he doesn’t care about what makes me happy sad nothing he’s like dogging me out plain and simple right in my face he complains about my cat and this for therapy me I react or and repeat the names or things ive been called… this marriage to find out why he’s so fake and hateful and so intent on my reaction on things I know that’s playing with fire I just wish I knew the purpose of things I literally don’t desire drama but it seems to have followed me everywhere since this marriage its like I gotta put on my big girl pants with the acceptance that he is happy the way he is I’m not I just wish I was in a pain management for the physical pain I’d feel good I really want to be sober …I got no where to go but I’d rather not move to fast because I believe I may make the wrong one and I can’t afford to be homeless [Edited for length and content]

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; it isn’t easy to navigate all those pieces. On top of the violence, having to navigate housing can be a complicating situation. Here at WEAVE we have a lot of different resources and services available for those who are experiencing domestic violence, whether it be emotional, physical, or spiritual trauma. This includes individual and group counseling services as well as safety planning. It may also be helpful to contact Legal Services of Northern California at 916-551-2150 to get some support for housing. In order to get more information on these services, please call our 24/7 crisis line at 916-920-2952.

How much longer must I be beaten, hit in face with pipes, harassed (sexually as well)? Thank you for reaching out. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity by their partners. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking. If you’d like to discuss your options with someone, our 24-hour Support and Information line has advocates standing by. You can reach us at (916)920-2952. If you aren’t in the Sacramento area, you can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Can someone be arrested for physical abuse that has happened within months prior to the report being filed? (Example: let’s say an altercation took place within a relationship & months after the relationship ended, one of the individuals gets mad about it ending and threatens to show the police a photo of a bruise on her arm, and cries domestic violence)… can the other person be arrested? And if so, what if that person that is being arrested, now lives in another state?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. However, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only and since your question is legal we recommend you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

I have a bit of a different question. My husband has not hit me but in recent arguments he has gotten so angry that his statements and body language tell me I am at risk of him hitting me. He moves abruptly towards me and says things like “don’t play with me” if I don’t give the response he thinks I should. [*] My question is: we are black and where we are from cops typically aren’t our friends and calling them is frowned upon. Is it wrong for me to call if he were to hit me? Thank you *Edited for length

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We’re sorry to hear about what you’re going through with your husband. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, it can be emotional, financial, or spiritual, as well. As to your question about calling the police, that has to be a decision you make. You have to do whatever you feel comfortable with, to keep yourself safe. If you would like to talk with an advocate about safety planning, or other options available to you, please call our 24-hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.

 

My grandson and his wife live with me, they have no other place to go. His wife ruins my clothes with paint when I go out. Today I went for a walk when I got back over 100.00 worth of new makeup ruined. Splattered all over my dresser, contaminated. My grandson didn’t believe me, he can’t deal with stress . I don’t know why she does this. I’m afraid she might try to poison me. Help.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about the treatment you are receiving from your grandson and his wife. Unfortunately we can’t tell you what to do, only you know what’s best for you. We can go over a few options, you can report it to law enforcement and ask them leave or you can let them stay and address this issue directly and soon. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are safe and if you fear for your life please contact law enforcement. If you would like to talk to an advocate and get support please call our our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

If my spouse told the police that I didn’t touch her and I have a warrant in Kansas over a month later, can they legally issue the warrant?

Thank you for reaching out. However, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

My aunt was assaulted and the result of her injuries she died. The police dept. refused to get a statement from her only daughter and after her death they did a report. Can the police dept. get into trouble? The police dept. did not setup a crime scene and no DNA was collected.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry for your loss and can only imagine how stressful this situation has been for your family. Although we do not have an exact answer for your question, we want you to know you are able to file a complaint by calling the non-emergency number for the police department involved in this situation. This is an awful situation, and we hope that you and your family are able to get the support you need. For additional information, please contact us on our 24/7 line at 916-920-2952.

I live in Pinellas County Florida my fiance owns a mobile home and I have been living there for almost a year with him he invited to people to move in and they have paid no rent or anything but they have stolen and robbed me verbally abused me threatened me pushed me threatened to rape me and I have a post that the wife put on line saying she was going to beat me with a baseball bat my fiance and I were forced to leave the residence because of the violence and now the police say we have to evict them and in the meantime pay the rent and the electric and the gas is there anyway I can get a restraining order on them and have them removed from our home please help I’m scared for my life [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you and your fiance are experiencing violence from these people. However, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. If you fear for your safety please contact law enforcement and/or dial 911.

I might be in a abusive relationship and I need to keep the abuse phone number somewhere so he can’t find it. I don’t know where to keep it. Can anyone give me some Ideas?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing violence in your relationship. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate on this question or submit a new one. If your question is in regards to safety planning and keeping yourself safe please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 in order to speak to an advocate and receive support and information.

If I can’t go home because of a restraining order do to a domestic violence. Now I’m homeless, no family or friends in the state we live in. So I move another state. Is that ok and if I have to do domestic violence classes, can I do the classes in the state that I moved to?

Thank you for reaching out. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.

I live on a rental property where my spouse attacked my son (a minor) with a butcher knife. He was arrested. He had been physical in past but I never reported it. Now the 2-rental women in the office are trying to evict me & use intimidation to make me move. I lived @ this property for 8yrs. without any problems. These 2-women have not been with the property very long. I am very stressed out where I live & they’re adding to traumatizing incident of my son & I. Can I take legal action regarding this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are currently going through this.  We can only imagine how stressful this whole situation must be for you and your son. In reading your message, it seems like you may benefit from some legal advocacy.  The Legal Services of Northern California is an organization that can assist with housing specific legal help and can be reached at 916-551-2150. In addition, you can contact WEAVE’s legal line at 916-319-4944 for additional support. When you call you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a legal team member should return your call within 3-4 business days. In addition, if you have any more questions or need additional support, please contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

I was taking a shower and my enraged husband steps in fully clothed and corners me in the shower ? Is that assault, domestic violence ? His burst of angers are escalating from first grabbing my arm and putting pressure , to walk in the closet and try to knock me off the stool while standing and Sunday Morning while taking a shower he steps in and cornered me while threaten me . Is that assault, battery or domestic violence !

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and we can only imagine how scary this must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. WEAVE has a variety of resources including counseling and a 24/7 support and information line. We are here to support you, please reach out to one of our Peer Support Advocates at 916.920.2952.

My ex is a financial investigator. His brother and friends are police and military. How do I prove that he is using his police and military power to target me? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand how stressful it might be to be targeted by your ex, especially if they have military and police force connections. We recommend that you continue to document these instances of being targeted and should you feel your safety is at risk, call your local law enforcement. For additional support and information please feel free to call our 24-Hour Support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

My live in girlfriend did not call the law on me for CDV3 charge. The neighbor did. I have never been arrested before. She did not want me arrested but the state had to. She is in dire medical condition and has no friends to help her and she can hardly walk. And my car was our transportation.so she has no transportation. She sincerely wants the no
contact agreement dissolved. I have applied for counseling and she has no way to get to my trial. I live in Richland county. SC. Also we have to move from our rental room and she cannot move because of her ongoing medical condition.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry to hear that your girlfriend is very sick and does not have any support after you were arrested. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources in your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Has anyone had trouble with their jaws and teeth after the abuse my jaw is getting so bad and my back teeth are deteriorating from the breakage he caused

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. There are some people who sustain injuries, some more serious than others. It may be beneficial for you to seek medical attention for the injuries you sustained from your abuse. You may contact your doctor or local emergency department. If you have more questions and you need support please contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

Is there a free texting counseling I can reach out to?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. There is a free service called Crisis Text Line, although they might not be licenced clinicians they are trained crisis counselors. Text HOME to 741741. If you would like more information please visit their website at https://www.crisistextline.org/. If you would like information or support please call us at our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My husband kicked me out on false lies on order of protection now I can’t pay my credit cards.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you are currently going through that with your husband. We aren’t sure of what legal services you are looking for and/or he filed a restraining order against you. We aren’t also sure if you are in a co-combative relationship, but since this is a legal question we recommend you to contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you have more questions and you need support please contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

We have a friend in another state who has been in an abusive relationship for some time. He is constantly telling us how she beats him up and has even threatened him at gunpoint. He has begged us not to call the police or tell other family members because he says he’s afraid she might kill herself (we are afraid she might kill him). What should we do and if we don’t tell someone and something happens would we be considered complicit? We don’t want to betray his trust, but don’t want to see him injured or killed.

Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. We understand why you are concerned, domestic violence can be very dangerous and should be taken seriously. Based on what you shared it seems she can be a danger to herself and others, and that is scary and should be taken seriously.  We are sorry to hear that he isn’t ready yet to reach out for help or support in order to leave his abusive relationship. We recommend providing your friend with resources in his area and/or county, he could speak to a trained advocate to get support and go over safety planning, he can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). When he is ready to speak he could also call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at (916) 920-2952.

I am a battered and abused wife, my husband kicked me out on false order of protections. I need a pro bono attorney.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We are sorry you are currently going through that with your husband. We aren’t sure of what legal services you are looking for and/or he filed a restraining order against you. We aren’t also sure if you are in a co-combative relationship, but since this is a legal question we recommend you to contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you have more questions and you need support please contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

I am on parole and I live with an abusive woman. How can I get help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Although we aren’t sure of the terms of your parole you don’t deserve to be with someone who is abusive, we recommend you speak with your parole officer about leaving and/or moving to another place, safe from the abuse. If you would like to talk to an advocate and get support please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

Me and my boyfriend got in a huge fight. He started by calling me names and I blew it off at first. It got worse and I started hitting him. He grabbed me twice and threw me up against his truck door and one time had me by the neck. He slapped me in the face after I slapped him. He didn’t hit me hard enough to hurt me but it still stung. He kept repeating that I needed to leave because he did not want to hurt me because he has anger issues. Will this occur again or can he fix it? He’s never done this before.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your recent fight with your boyfriend. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your boyfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law or really hurt. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling for the both of you. If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

Relathionship advice: En Español

Gracias por contactar a WEAVE. Desafortunadamente no estamos seguros que tipo de consejo o ayuda está preguntando, por favor someta otra pregunta con más información o por favor llame a nuestra línea de apoyo e información al (916) 920-2952. Tenemos personas de apoyo que hablan Español.

I have reported domestic violence against me …emotional.. Verbal..bulleying.taking my vehicle…leaving me with no way to get groceries….i used ti have a protective order three years ago and one years before that…the police refuse to help me do anything but give me a card for the domestic abuse and ive already called the domestic abuse hotline and there is nothing they can help me with…what do i do????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry you have been experiencing this. Based on what you said you might benefit from speaking to our legal department. If you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

If a 60 something year old woman threatens to kill a 21 year old over and over can she get put in prison or something?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. If you are experiencing harassment and/or threats from someone, you could file for a civil harassment restraining order. If you are in Sacramento County you could find more information in the Superior Court of California-County of Sacramento website at https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/civil-harassment.aspx.

If you would like to talk to advocate please feel free to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.

I called 911 on my husband. By the time they were home he left the house so they didn’t take any action on him that’s what they said. He took all the money and asking me to leave the house. I am an immigrant and my husband is on H1b visa working for state department as a contractor. He blocked my friends number on my phone. He holds my h4 documents and mailbox key. It’s been 3 months since I called 911 and he is not coming home and not answering my calls after that. Instead he is asking me to leave to India.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE.  We are so sorry about everything your husband is putting you through and we understand is very stressful. Based on what you said you might benefit from speaking to our legal department. If you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and case managements services as well.

I am in a separation situation where I live in one state and my husband lives in another. I cannot afford a divorce attorney because my husband controls all finances still and gives me a meager weekly allowance. He is living with another woman who wants him to stop all support– he has taken my car away and I have no way to get anywhere unless I can beg a ride from a friend. I just recently finished grad school and am trying to start a business on my own with little or no money. I called my husband three times at work to ask for my car back and he threatens to get a restraint order on me if i ever call again. I do not know what to door where I might find help. I feel like I am losing my mind. He has also forged my signature on various legal documents including bank loan applications. He has maxed out credit cards in my names among many other things.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are really sorry to hear about the abuse you continue to endure with your husband. Unfortunately, without knowing which state you are in at the moment it might be difficult to provide you with resources or information. WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only. If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. You might also want to contact local Domestic Violence agencies in your area that might be able to provide legal services. If you would like some support it might be beneficial to speak to an advocate, please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I recently left an abusive relationship. He’s threatened to get my kids taken, to throw me in jail. Recently I thought he got the picture and would leave me alone. Know he’s texting me saying he loves and misses me. Its like he can’t let go. He makes me feel bad but I feel I shouldn’t respond. Should I not say a word back to him? I worry if I anger him I’m not sure what he would do but it never ends well.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! We’re sorry to hear you’re going through this. Only you know what is best for you and your children, but if your instincts are telling you not to respond, I would listen to them. Guilt can often be a tactic abusers use to lure their victims back in to situations where they can regain control over them. WEAVE has a 24 hour Support and Information line with advocates standing by to offer emotional support, resources, and ideas around creating a safety plan for you and your children. That number is 916-920-2952. We also offer up to 8 free counseling sessions if you feel that you would like to sit down and talk through this with a counselor. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

I live in Washington.my dad uncle and i are homeless we live in a hotel my dad’s girlfriend and her mother also live with us in the room and she has sever anxiety paranoia and is bipolar our only income is her ssi grammas ssi and my uncles disability but we cannot always cash his check so yesterday she threatened to get us kicked out and live homeless in the van again because she thinks i am prank–ing her and messing with her stuff and i swear to god that i would never do that in this situation i am fifteen attending school and i know i will die if we dont get help or if were kicked out during this winter Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this, and we want to do everything we can to help you. We can only imagine how scary and upsetting this situation is for you and your family. We want you to know that you are not alone, and that there are many families who are in similar situations like yours. Depending on what area you are in, there may be some resources that could be helpful for you to find some shelter and safety. There is a hotline you can call, it is for Washington, where you can get connected to resources and supportive services in your area, that number is 866.833.6546. Please call as soon as possible. In regards to the cutting, we can understand why that would be an outlet for you, and we are not here to judge you or tell you what to do, but we do want you to be safe and healthy. Self-harm is a very common coping skill, but we would like to suggest that perhaps instead of immediately cutting when you feel stressed and overwhelmed, think of maybe three-five things that you can do before you cut. Like a list. Think of what activities you enjoy doing, that bring you joy, such as writing, reading, drawing, listening to music. Then think of a friend that you can talk to about your feelings, what has triggered you to want to cut, talk to them about it. Then, last step would be to call a hotline and talk to someone about your feelings. These steps can help you to feel supported and help you develop other coping skills. There are also resources at your school, such as a school counselor, that could also be helpful to you. Please reach out for support, this is too much for you to carry alone.

Husband and his mistress stole a child and I belongs for drugs. He admitted it all in the text. I caved saved. He then beat me in front of the child as well as tried to rape me. I left. Made mistake after his rehab to go back. He ripped me out of daughter bed. Charged with battery and child endangerment. He wants to get back with me.. I am not going back mistress and he had twins. How do I charge her as well as him? I have proof of stalking as well.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry that you have had to deal with so much and we commend you for reaching out. If you are in the Sacramento please call our legal line at 916-319-4944 for family law matters. To get assistance with your other legal questions please contact your local Family Courthouse. For Sacramento you can contact William Ridgeway Family Courthouse 3341 Power Inn Rd Sacramento CA.  Also, feel free to contact our 24 hour Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My husband put lying orders of protection on my son and I. Can I have him prosecuted if it is dropped?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you and your son are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My husband is physically abusive. I am afraid. He has a firearm (legally), and that scares me. Will I be in legal trouble if I put the gun in my safe deposit box without his knowledge? Florida.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you are experiencing this. Have you thought of leaving? Or getting some support?  Weave has a range of services that may be able to provide support for you. Physical abuse can be very scary and dangerous, if you feel like your unsafe you can always contact Law Enforcement/ call 911. Regarding your question you can contact Law Enforcement non emergence. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number. If you need any additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are always here for you.  Since you are located in Florida I would contact Florida Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-500-1119. I also included the website for the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

https://www.fcadv.org/


If a 20 year old threat to hit u and keep hitting u Whut do u do
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear what you are going through. Nobody deserves to experience any form of abuse, trauma or threats from another individual. This seems to be an ongoing cycle of domestic violence.The most important thing would be to remain as safe as possible so that things do not escalate to further violence. We recommend calling 911 if you feel that you are in danger at any time. We are also able to assist you with safety planning if you feel comfortable sharing more information with us. We have peer counselors that could provide you with emotional support as well as resources, they are available at our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.


 

My ex husband smashed
my 14 year olds cell phone because he called me looking for his soccer gear.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. That sounds like it may have been a scary and frustrating experience. You can reach out to our 24/7 support and information line if you have any questions or need any support at 916.920.2952. It is difficult to answer this without more information. Pleas resubmit you question.

My husband threatened to sell my car if I file for divorce. He wouldn’t let me work for 8 years so I don’t have any money. He keeps me on a very short leash. He’s extremely abusive. But he makes hood money but he said that he’d rather kill himself than to help me and his daughter. Can anyone help me.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with you question. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Weave has a range of services that may be able to provide support for you. Weave offers a variety of workshops such as; child custody, financial, and divorce. Weave also has a legal department if you have any specific legal questions or need legal assistance. You can contact them at 916.319.4944. It will be an automatic voicemail, make sure to leave a safe phone number that allows them to reach out to you. If you would like to speak with an advocate you can contact our 24/7 support and information line at 916.920.2952.

I’ve been married to my husband for 12 years. It has been rocky almost from the beginning. He has a terrible temper and swears and tells very loudly when angry. He has no qualms about using cuss words and getting in my kids’ faces when mad at them. Typically he doesn’t yell at me unless we are having a very heated argument. During these arguments he will tell me to f*** off, has called me a bitch and a c**t. A handful of times he’s thrown things and put a hole in the wall. He controls the money, I have no idea how much he makes or has. Anyway, the juxt of my thoughts/questions. Can a person really change and improve their behavior for almost a year and then become abusive again? Should I be concerned that even though he has controlled his temper for almost a year that he will still lose it at anytime? Is forcing hugs/kisses on me abuse or am I being too sensitive. Is it really that unusual for a guy to swear at his kids when they don’t listen? (edited for length).

First and foremost, thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE.We’re very sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Abuse doesn’t have to be just physical, it can take many shapes, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse. You ask many very important questions.Yes, people can change for a year, then revert to their old ways. As for the rest of your questions, those are things you have to answer for yourself. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and shouldn’t have to constantly worry about your partner reverting back to his old ways. We have advocates standing by 24 hours a day, if you’d like emotional support, or even just someone to talk through all your options with you. That number is: 916-920-2952. Similarly, we offer up to 8 free counseling sessions,  if that’s something you’d be interested in. In order to access counseling, we ask that you attend a walk-in Triage Assessment at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

Hi, my boyfriend and I have two kids together and I also have a child whom I have 50/50 custody with from my prior ex-husband. My boyfriend has anger/temper problems and we have a history of arguments. A couple of times it has gotten physical where he touched me (pushing/holding) but nothing severe and not in front of the kids. The other day it occurred again and I was upset so I called my dad and he called the police. My BF had left the house and the police interviewed me at length about the incident and prior incidents…then at the very end of their interview they told me that by law they will be sending a copy of this report to CPS and forced me to give the full names and birthdates of all of my children, they confirmed the children were in no danger (my BF has never struck any of the children) but said they have to report any domestic violence occurrence to CPS… how long does CPS usually take to make contact after a reported DV case? It has been 5 days since the occurrence and they still haven’t contacted me…and the anticipation is killing me. I live in Yolo county. Thank you for your time (edited for length).

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE! We are sorry to hear about what you are going through. We’re glad to hear you are working on things, and that your boyfriend has taken responsibility for his actions, and you’re both working towards a solution! When dealing with CPS, it may be in your best interest to reach out to them yourself. Their number is: (916) 875-0189 Also, you mentioned you were in Yolo county, there is an organization named Empower Yolo who may be able to assist you. Some of the services they offer include: Safehouse, counseling, case management, legal advocacy and accompaniment, 24 hour SART response, support groups, DVRT, Latina outreach, teen education programs, and a court ordered batterers program. Their crisis lines are (530) 662-1133 or (916) 371-1907. Similarly, if you would like to talk to one of our advocates, feel free to call our 24hr support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

 

I am trying to evict my ex and we both have lawyers. I overheard him on the phone saying he was going to break things in my house to hurt me financially, but also that he hopes I die when I have surgery. My friend thinks I should report it to the police? Is this something that should be reported? I am torn if this is any kind of threat to me and if I should be afraid he would harm me. after that he followed me around the house acting like he was doing stuff and listening to my call. I don’t know who else to ask and understand my situation is not as serious as others if you can’t give me advice I understand. Thank you for your time.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your husband’s intentions. He may be talking out of anger and although he is not threatening to physically hurt you, he is threatening to break your property to hurt you financially and that is still something serious. You may want to file for a restraining order, but since this is a legal question, you may want to contact your attorney and get legal advice directly from him. If you need support and would like to talk to advocate, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.

My dad threatens to kill me a lot and he has one tried to suffocate me with a pillow.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your father’s abuse. However, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please elaborate on this message or submit a new one. We recommend calling 911 if your father tries to suffocate or hurt you again, you may also want to contact law enforcement and file a police report. If you would like to talk to an advocate please call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at (916) 920-2952.

My adult son is in an abusive relationship. They have split up many times but he always goes running back to her. He has even shown me video that he took of her with her knowledge where she slapped him across the face numerous times. He tells me all the time how much he hates her and wants her out of his life then he gets rid of her for a month and then next thing you know he’s back with her. Is there anyway that I can make him see what he’s doing to himself? If you tell him he’s in an abusive relationship, he will deny it to the high heavens and sometimes even accuse you of being the abuser because you’re not seeing things his way and putting her up on a pedestal. I might add she has been charged with domestic violence before by a former boyfriend. I worry for my sons safety [edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear about your son being in an abusive relationship, based on what you shared it seems that your son and his girlfriend might be in a co-combative relationship, which can escalate and can get one or both of them into legal problems with the law. We will be happy to talk to him, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that he will need to call us for us to talk to him directly. If he is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

 

My grandsons dad’s girlfriend assaulted me. she bit me and choked me. this was done in front of the child, she had him pinned down in his car seat with her body as she bit and choked me. she has never been arressted nor charged for this, am i a victim of domestic violence and also my grandson

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Have you thought of getting Restraining Order on her? Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone.   You can also contact CPS if you feel the child is in danger.  If you would like to talk to an advocate to get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I am with an emotional abuser, but last night she actually struck the back of my head at the checkout line in a grocery store. She did it when I told her I forgot a coupon at home. It was out of nowhere. I was so embarrassed because others saw this. I was also emotionally hurt that she would do such a thing. Of course it was “my fault” according to her for forgetting the coupon and I embarrassed “her” by my reaction. She has not and I’m sure will not say she’s sorry. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out to us here at WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect by their partner. If you would like some emotional support or additional resources, please give our Support and Information line a call at 916-920-2952. Similarly, we offer up to 8 free counseling sessions, if that is something you think you would be interested in. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

Over 10 years ago I had an eviction, at that time I was a housewife, as well I cared for our two daughters and him. I also was in a marriage to a man who would physically and mentally abuse me. He’d abuse me where I was in a hospital or even ran over by his car and it goes on and on. It’s been over 5 years now that I somehow regain some kind of strength and left the abusive marriage. I’m independent now, I’m a hard working woman, and I’ve been working for IHSS for about 5 years. However, I applied for a low income apartment in San Jose, my name came up and I am interested so I did follow through with the apartment, they denied me due to the eviction. What can I do? Is there anyway where I can appeal this case? I live in the County of Santa Clara.
 

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear that even though you left the abusive marriage 5 years ago you are being triggered by it because of the eviction. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) for information and/or resources in your area. You may also want to reach out to Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence’s 24-Hour Hotline number at (408) 279-2962 since they are located in Santa Clara County.

Question is can I file a civil restraining order for my seven and a half year old son on his behalf against his dad tomorrow in the county I live in the are dropping a child endangerment and battery case in which my son was a witness to the violence I cannot file for a t r o I already tried and they took him off of it because a family law case of hours is it down in another County they are feeling to protect my son what do I do.

Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry to hear that all this is going on. Have you had a chance to talk to your son about what he witnessed? Unfortunately I cannot give legal advice but WEAVE does have a legal department you can call our legal line, if you call you will leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Scenario: If someone held you against your will, taking away your rights ,stalking you 24-24, trying to force you leave home and your job, without police lawyer or judge or your family knowing and it is not your family or friends, it’s “Revenge” by outside person…… you figured it is a implant communication’s device put in you without your permission and “You the victim” figured this out and because the unknown someone is frightening you because of the unknown persons threats to your life ” and of the unauthorized use of real spy technologist device or implantable on you”…who would you call that would listen and not send you to a nut house? Central Wisconsin area! Want to know for a friend who had this happen and now people are afraid it can happen to others here!

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for information and/or resources in your area. Your friend may also want to contact law enforcement and file a police report.

What steps can I take to stop my ex from threatening to expose our sex tape? Thank you for reaching out to us. We’re sorry you are being put through this situation. One thing you can do is get a restraining order, which can be tailored to include digital contact, such as the release of personal information on social media sites.  Also, we offer up to 8 free sessions of counseling if you’d like to talk to someone about how this is affecting you. Walk-in triage hours are at our office located at 1900 K St. on Tuesday and Thursday: 12:00pm-2:00pm or Wednesday: 5pm-7pm. Similarly, we have a 24/7 support and information line, which can be reached at 916-920-2952, where advocates are waiting to offer you emotional support and resources that can help.

IF I NEED TO GET INTO A SAFE HOUSE CAN WEAVE PICK ME UP IM HAVING RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS WITH PAST DV AND I THOUGHT AFTER HE CAME HOME IT WOULD BE BETTER ONLY WORSE IS IT GETTING IM NOW GETTING AFRAID TO EVEN BE IN SAME HOUSEHOLD. HE CONTINUOUSLY TO PUBLIC PLACES STANDS OVER ME CONTINUALLY AND ALSO IS VERY VIOLENT HE SAYS HE BITTER AND MAD IS THERE ANYWAY TO GET AWAY AND NOT CALL COPS?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment. In order to fully assess your situation you need to contact us at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. An advocate can speak with you and go over safety planning and information to our safe house and/or other resources.

Thank you for reply “What you are experiencing sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body, no one has the right to force you to marry anyone, even if you were and/or are in a current relationship with him. Have you thought about contacting law enforcement and reporting the harassment and blackmailing from him and his sister-in-law (cousin)?”. I haven’t filed any complaint against them. Also, I wanted to know being relationship, in initial phase everything was good and we promised each other that we will be together and can go ahead with marriage but everything started to fall apart. Does it mean that I have to forcefully marry him for the promise?

Thank you for reaching out. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line in order to speak to advocate and get the support you need. Our number is (916) 920-2952. If it’s better for you to communicate through writing please text HOME to 741741, it’s a 24/7 Crisis Text Line where they have trained crisis counselors ready to text with you.

My bf and I bought our home together 10 years ago. We were fine then, but now the mental abuse is got me to almost breaking point. We also have an 8 year old son. I want to leave him but know I can’t afford rent +bills as rent in my area is 400+ more then the house payment is. Is there anyway for me to keep the home and get him out?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you are going through this and must be a very difficult time for you. The question you asked is very valid; I would say you can contact the legal department to see if there is anything you can do legally. When you call you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also have you thought of getting some support for yourself? If you need any support you can call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. Also WEAVE does have counseling services.

Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

 

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

 

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

 

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

 

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My stepfather abused my mother and my brother and I for years. My mother molested my brother most of his life. In 1990, my brother started beating me on a regular basis. 2006 and stayed away from my brother until 2017, after he was able to find me and I was so foolish that I moved in with him and his wife after they requested me to. But after about a month, they “changed”, and my brother started assaulting me again, then on February 14th, when I had became homeless. I was desperate, so I called my brother to pick me up. He did but when he started verbally abusing me, I demanded to be let out of the car. He refused and was able to keep the back doors locked. He back handed me in the car from the driver’s seat over and over, I was messed up and I knew I had a head injury. Is the violence from my brother considered domestic violence? Do you know anyone who can help me? I’ve been told that it is not domestic violence and I’m really scared and I don’t know who to speak to about this. I now rent a room and am recovering and seeking trauma counseling. I feel very responsible for what happened to me. I have so many questions and still so much fear. Please let me know if you can help me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so sorry you experienced this within your family. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. A Community for Peace is a center that focuses on family violence and offers legal, accompaniment, counseling, and safe housing services. They can be reached on their 24 hour crisis line at 916.728.7210.

Hi, I have been in a emotional abusive relationship who has been married and have wife and daughter. It was an extramarital affair for him. I have been abused verbally where he has not left any evidence to show up and use to beat when asked about his messages and so. It’s been 5-6 months that I have been trying to end the relationship because I was feeling that I’m being used and with domestic violence and sexual assault (forcing for getting intimate) or having physical relation even when I’m not interested in it but he now says that he cares and love me but it wasn’t when I was with him. We were into physical relationship where he has clicked private photos assuring that he will not be using them in future but now he has trapped including a third person who tells that she is his sister-in-law (cousin) where she has printed out all are photos and she showed that to my mother and now she has been asking to meet my father. They are exposing my nude photos showing I’m the reason to make him fall for him. And he is forcing me to get married because his wife knows about the his extramarital affair but not expressly but his family members knows about it. Also he is a lawyer by profession in India and I’m so very afraid about it. He has trapped me and forcing me to get married. I was in relation with him and now I don’t feel safe with him and have no meaning to live for. I don’t understand what to do and my parents are being insulted over this by showing them all pictures [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with this man. What you are experiencing sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body, no one has the right to force you to marry anyone, even if you were and/or are in a current relationship with him. Have you thought about contacting law enforcement and reporting the harassment and blackmailing from him and his sister-in-law (cousin)? Also, you may benefit from speaking to a counselor and getting support, WEAVE provides free counseling to victims of domestic violence and sexual assault, as well as case management and other services. Please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952 if you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this. If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I am a struggling survivor of domestic violence for 23 yrs resulting in me being shot in the head at point blank range and left for dead. Prior to this he burned my belongings, left a note and hunted me down where my adult son left me at his girlfriend’s for my safety.  He was on run for 7 days before turning himself in, given 17 yrs without possibility of early parole, so how did I get lost between cracks? Moved to TX after recuperating divorce granted by judge, 1/2 of his social security and pension and becoming spokesperson for Women supporting women in 2007 when I became an advocate myself. Now after working past 10 yrs only 56 yrs old I’m penniless, off work almost 1 full yr, can’t collect his social security cause not married 10 yrs, judge signature worthless with federal gov. He’s out early cause CA NO LONGER CONSIDERS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE A VIOLENT CRIME. He has been granted early parole because he earned a degree and was ideal inmate! He received Free medical, dental, vision, cable TV, ECT, 3 hots and a cot. I had to move in with boyfriend because couldn’t pay rent anymore, what to do? broke, sick and unable to work and he still wins, Why? [edited for length]. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry to hear about everything you went through with your ex. We understand how frustrated you must feel about him still having this much power over your life, even after all of these years. You have shown so much strength over the years and its important to remember that, especially during the difficult times. WEAVE has a legal department that is for Sacramento residents only; however if you need legal assistance in another county The National Domestic Violence hotline may be able to guide you in the right direction. You can reach them at 1.800.799.7233. There is also an option for you to get a Restraining Order if you are fearful of his release. Please reach out to our 24/7 Support and Information line for additional support or services needed.

my boyfriend hit me on the face,before he was chocking me,and i thought it was last time but it happened again but i never called police because he owe me money plus we rented apt on both names and i want to leave but afraid he wont pay the rent and then i ll have collection in my good credit score,i dont know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry you experienced this within your relationship. I can only imagine how scary this must have been for you. Have you thought about getting some support to help you safety plan on how to get out? WEAVE has a 24/7 support line if you ever need some support (916) 920-2952 or information. You may also consider filing another Temporary Restraining Order against him at the Family Court House. They hold workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road. Reading your message it seems like you are concerned about the lease and your credit, I have attached a link that may possibly help you, also we have our legal line you can call to get more clarification – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is (916) 319-4944. If you ever feel like your life in danger you can always reach out to Law Enforcement also.

https://hasco.org/current-tenants/violence-against-women-act-vawa/.

I am the victim of DV. The man involved is being charged with DV HIGH AND AGGRAVATED NATURE. I am known pregnant. It happened in front of our children, he prevented me from calling the police, I was choked and repeatedly hit in the face and head and knocked unconscious twice during the altercation. When I was blocked, I grabbed a baseball bat and hit him. He turned when I swung and it hit him the back. I wanted to stun him long enough so I could run out of the house to get help before he hurt me beyond repair or worse, killed me. I am beyond terrified that something will be dropped or the charge will be lesser or he will even be let go of charges because I hit him back after being abused for almost an hour. I’ve searched and searched the laws and can’t find anything out except “one has the right to defend them in the time needed.” But because it was a bat and because he turned and it hit his back, I’m so worried that I will end up being in trouble for trying to escape to save my life. I live in South Carolina if that helps with the laws at all.

 Thank you for contacting WEAVE about this issue, we are so sorry you experienced this within your relationship. I can only imagine how scary this event must have been for you. Unfortunately WEAVE is solely located in Sacramento, if your concerns are around getting legal services and support for DV you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline as they may direct you to the appropriate place. They can be reached at 1.800.799.7233. There is also a South Carolina organization that specializes in DV cases and depending on which county you live in, they may provide you with the services you are looking for. The website is http://www.sccadvasa.org/about/. Please feel free to reach out to our 24/7 support and Information line for any additional questions or support at 916.920.2952.

**The victim in South Carolina that used the baseball bat** he also has a prior prison sentence of two or three years due to cdv. And other charges previously for other crimes if that means anything. Still worried on the outcome of me defending myself.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are not sure of what you are asking, but it seems you might be needing legal assistance. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for information and/or referrals at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224.

Want to report my partner for domestic violence in the police station put they are many issues and I am afraid they will not understand and see the problem has the police force in England officers knowing Narcissism or can I ask for one?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, however we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

My ex husband stalks me and our children. He even came into my home when we were asleep and opened windows and the back door that I would always lock up before going to bed. I woke up to those items wide open. He is on my phones, iPad, kids iPads, and has even tracked us on his phone from another city. I had a prior RO for 3 years that was gone in May 2018, and I’m scared to death he’s going to hurt my kids on his visitation weekends, and further more kill me in my home.

Thank you got contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you and your family are experiencing this. We cannot imagine how scary this must be for you all. You may choose to report those incidents to law enforcement and while they may or may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior. You may also consider filing another Temporary Restraining Order against him at the Family Court House. They hold workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My boyfriend beat me up last Friday he basically just body hits me so I can’t really prove the abuse anyway he threw me over the couch and my back it really bruised and I can’t think straight could it be something internal??

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what you are going through with your boyfriend, please know that you can still report the abuse if that’s what you choose to do, if not you don’t have to stay with him, you deserve a life free of violence. Do you have friends and/or family that you could trust and stay with? In regards to your injuries, we recommend you to please seek medical services as soon as possible. If you need support and would like to safety plan with an advocate please contact us at our 24/7 Support line-916.920.2952.

If my ex waits to long can she still put restraining order against me?

Thank you for reaching out with your question. However, we aren’t sure of what you are asking, please elaborate and/or submit another question. You can also call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

What is the fastest, safest way to get rid of a stalker and his friends??? Like I want their attention,… How can you stop others quickly from trying to dump them on you or blame you???/ Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand that stalking can be very scary and we would like to offer you some safety tips and support. Please give us a call at 916-920-2952 24/7. Also, you can also check out this resource for additional support. https://www.fightcyberstalking.org/

So it’s going on about a year and a half almost 2 years since I left my child’s father due to the domestic abuse and violence that he caused during my pregnancy with our daughter and after. There were many times I left with my daughter and went to live back with my mother but he always was able to talk me into coming back and that he wouldn’t fight with me anymore. I was so back and forth that my family said if I was to continue to take my child with me to be back with him at our apartment while knowing violence was still occurring they would have no choice but to contact CPS. That was the wake up call I needed to reflect one last time on him and the situation and know that it was literally coming down the choice of him or my daughter! I’m done feeling like I have to stay inside to avoid him popping up somewhere,I don’t want to feel uneasy and anxiety when he texts that he is coming to my home and demands to talk to me and my daughter or he will have to handle things the hard way that I will not like or want. I want to take this up with court,I’m just not sure how or where to go what to say or ask for.. that is my question ,where can I get proper legal help? I’m just afraid with all I have to back me and my child up I will be told he is not a danger to us. Thank you [edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through with your daughter’s father.  We applaud you for breaking the cycle and recognizing that you and your daughter both deserve to have a healthy life away from any type of abuse and trauma. Have you thought about filing for a restraining order against him? A restraining order might be necessary for you to feel safe. You might also need to file a police report. But since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. You may also contact the Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center (FJC) at 916.875.4673 for assistance with the domestic violence restraining order. If you need support and would like to speak to an advocate, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line.

I obtained my 3rd RO in 2016. My soon to be ex is a felon w/assault w/a deadly weapon w/firearm from the 90’s. During this divorce he submitted documents in the discovery process stating he had 2 firearms and purchased ammunition. These documents were signed under penalty of perjury with his signature. They investigated, found reasonable cause, took them to a Judge for a search warrant served the search warrant and found 4 guns and over 1000 rounds of ammunition. He is being prosecuted in criminal court but agreed to a plea deal. I am trying to have my victim impact statement heard and the Judge is stating that I am not a direct victim to the crime which I don’t understand how due to the fact that it is my RO that got the search warrant and that is how they found the guns. The Judge also decided not to hold his prior conviction against him. This is his 5th arrest that has pertained to me [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your husband violating the Domestic Violence Restraining Order by owning fire guns and/or lying about how many. We understand that you need to be heard and it’s unfortunate that the judge isn’t allowing you to, even though you have the right to be heard. But since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you and/or provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line at 916.319.4944– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you need to speak to an advocate and get support while you are going through this, please call us at our 24/7 support and information line at (916)920-2952. WEAVE offers free counseling and casa managements services as well.


 

My friends childs mother uses drugs. She believes people are after her and thinks people are poisoning her child. She has damaged his property many times. Openly threatens him in texts and on social media. She has been arrested multiple times. He has recently got a restraining order on her. But she still messages. My question is…HOW does she keep being released from jail? I understand she needs help. It is obvious she is not in her right mind. Her child has witnessed all of the things she has done. A mother in her right mind woukd never want her child to see these things. I do not understand how she is being released over and over again. She is a threat to herself and others. My question is WHY are HER rights thought to be more important than the safety of him and thier child??

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Sorry that your friend is experiencing this and I know it can be really frustrating unfortunately I have no knowledge regarding why she is being released from jail. Have you thought about contacting CPS to make a report of the child? That is an option to report your concerns to them or if you feel the child is in immediate danger you can always contact Law Enforcement. If your friend would like some support they can call our 24/7 Support Line to get more information or support.

There is a bus company that has a video surveillance taping of a domestic abuse act that happened to me for my ex-husband which is still employed there. That company is denying that they have any video of the incident. I know for a fact from the vice president who told me that he was very sorry because he watched the video he’s lied to the detectives and said the video does not go back that far which I know for a fact is a lie what can I do about this? I want to see this company they had sent my ex-husband to several rehabs they could have prevented this I had no way out of that bus companies parking lot do 2 hours on foot there was no way out unless you were in a vehicle for the gates to open please help

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

What is the law on husband and wife are having a Domestic argument shots were fired no gun was found. , do they separate the children from the parents for certain length of time? The police were called at that location

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. It is difficult to answer this question because every case is different. You may contact CPS about a current case as well as the local police department in which the incident occurred. If you have specific legal questions, you can reach our legal department at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number. If you need any additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I was in an abusive relationship in college for about a year. He is the one that ended the relationship with me and I was left absolutely heart broken. I didn’t really understand how traumatic the relationship was on me until a few years later when I got into a serious relationship. It began effecting my relationship with my significant other and even my family and friends. I thought I had gotten closure when he ended up reaching out to me a few years later to apologize for everything that had happened between us. I still sickly view him as my first love and have very vivid dreams of him and I reconciling at least once a week. I want to know what this means and why I can’t truly get over this man. We were together 6 years ago and I still have these dreams and than disturbingly enough wake up missing him. Why is this still so prevalent in my life and what should I do to have the dreams stop? 

Thank you for reaching out! It can be hard to ask for help, and we commend your bravery in taking the first step. We don’t necessarily get to choose whom our hearts decide to love, so don’t blame yourself for the way you felt. At one time, that person had qualities which appealed to you, or you probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with them to begin with. WEAVE offers 8 free sessions of counseling, if that’s something you would be interested in sitting down with a counselor and discussing. Similarly, WEAVE also offers a 24/7 support and information line, where advocates would be more than willing to listen, and offer emotional support. That number is: (916)920-2952.

My ex was arrested and charged with domestic violence and we are no longer together but he keeps calling me blocked or texting me hateful messages and as of today he’s threatening me he won’t say exactly what but he knows I know what he means. How can I get him to stop and leave me alone ? How can I get the cops to believe me ? There is a peaceful contact ordered by the judge .

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry to hear about your ex constantly contacting you and harassing you in such matter. We can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel to have to continue to deal with this type of abuse. We suggest that you save all evidence of him contacting you in case you need to present it to law enforcement, and continue to report at any time that you feel in danger.  If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options, such as a Restraining Order. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. You may also contact the Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center (FJC) at 916.875.4673 for answers. If you need support and would like to speak to an advocate, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex boyfriend recently grabbed my arm violently and raised his fist at me, he also calls me incredibly terrible names like cunt, and bitch. Should I report this, make a statement to my local police or is it to minimal to report.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you have experienced that within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You may choose to report that incident to law enforcement and while they may or may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior. You may also consider filing a Temporary Restraining Order against him. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

I was married to a violent man (he was arrested in 1999 for assault and domestic violence but of course I was stupid and didn’t press charges….we even had to go to court regarding this matter and I felt so bad and scared that I dropped the charges) The physical and mental abuse continued until he walked about questioning my values after going to an old friend’s same sex marriage. Coward waited until I was 4 hours away and did it over the phone. Our children are now 19 and 21. They were too young to remember his being arrested. They’d never testify against their own father. Do I have any legal right now to sue him? This whole “Me Too” movement has me wondering. He also had gone back to work, and stopped paying me child support from 2012-2017. He had the kids lie to me saying “they didn’t know if he was working or not”…and I was afraid to upset my teens by taking ex back for Child Support. I then grew a set last fall and took him back. He only had to pay for my daughter who was then 20 for 7 months and my son, who is now 19 for the next year and a half. I know I can’t sue for back support, as I never petitioned him until July 31, per NY State law. My question is about the past abuse….mental and physical. There is record of physical abuse from 1999, where I dropped the charges. Any thoughts? Please let me know. I’d like to sue him now for pain, mental anguish and my current anxiety, for which I am medicated now. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you and your kids had to experience that, unfortunately we are not aware of how laws and statutes are enforced in New York, it is probably best you contact your local Domestic Violence agencies and they may be able to provide you with more specific information. If there anyway we can be more of an assistance or you just need some support you can contact our 24/7 Support Line (916) 920-2952.

How do I get a man sent back to prison and stay away from his wife after threatening to chop her head off and cut her face so no one would ever look at her and they have two sons together both sons do not like their father they cannot stand him she was in fear for her life so she got a gun but now she’s secretly seeing him behind the kids back what should I do

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like this could be difficult for you to watch someone you care about be back with a man who once threatened her life, unfortunately there is not much you can do because she would have to make that decision to leave him when she is ready. If you feel she is in danger you can contact Law Enforcement in regards to your concern. The only thing you can do for her is to provide her with WEAVE information and 24/7 Support line (916)920-2952 so that when she ready she can reach out. If you need any support you can call us anytime on our 24/7 Support Line (916)920-2952.

I’ve known a woman for 7 years. When first met via work she was single (divorced) and she definitely grew a crush on me. For many months we kindled a friendship and it was immediately comfortable like we were boyfriend/girlfriend, in contact in person or through text morning to night. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted a relationship, but she got to my heart and then I started to feel weird that we only had this “pseudo” boyfriend/girlfriend thing at work and via all day long texting. So I tried to get us to go out with each other outside of work. So we did a few times and one time she kissed me (she initiated it). But, I knew she had a history of abuse (every man she’s ever been with has abused her emotionally and physically, as well as childhood sexual abuse, and she’s been raped a couple times). So I didn’t take it any further than kissing because I wanted her to see a man could respect her and love her for more than just her body. Then, suddenly, she got with another man, who ended up being abusive…Then, unfortunately she went back to the abuser. While she was here I did some studying up and knew this might happen, so wasn’t surprised. However, since she went back she has come by my house a few times and we’ve been intimately involved (kissing and making love). She never should have gone back to the abuser…Also, since she’s gone back to the abuser, she makes excuses for his bad behavior, or puts him on a pedestal, saying how many good things he does…so it’s like my good deeds don’t measure up. Anyway, what I am mostly wanting to know right now is, if she says she feels nothing for me but a friend, but then engages with romantic physical contact with me, what does that mean? Should I believe her that she really feels for me as only a friend? It seems she is just in denial about me the good guy as well as the abusive bad guy. Also, any general feedback to help me understand her experience. Thanks and sorry this got so long. [Edited for Length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It sounds like you really care about this person. It is difficult to watch the ones we love go through this cycle and pattern, and as you mentioned before it is not uncommon for a person to return to the abuser multiple time within a relationship. The best thing to do is be there for her the best you can and provide the support she needs, even if that means being her friend. At the same time, it’s important to recognize your boundaries and separate yourself from the situation if it’s too painful for you to be there for her platonically. To better understand and help guide you through your situation, we would encourage you to call one of our advocates on our Confidential 24/7 Support and information line at 916.920.2952.

my boyfriend and I recently got into an altercation and the police was called and the police decided to take pictures and I told him I didn’t want to press charges he was arrested at his job 4 days ago which is the next County and now he has no bond in that county and I’m concerned about him losing his job what can I do to speed the process of release for him because we honestly beat each other up

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are going through this with your boyfriend. Being involved in altercations with a loved one can definitely take an emotional toll on someone.  We provide emotional support and resources over the phone 24/7. Please give us a call at 916-920-2952. Also, we cannot give legal advice over the phone but if you would like more guidance regarding the legal process you can contact your local law enforcement agency.

Hello I have a question I had an incident with my husband on February 2017 where I accidentally call the cops and told the cops that he had broken to the house, kick the door down not only one time that I call but a couple of times. I didn’t press charges, they took pictures but I told him specifically that I was not going to press charges, one investigator called me a week after and asked me if I wanted to proceed, I said no, I said I wasn’t going to it because I lied, this was February 2017. Protective order didn’t appear on till September 2017, now we’ve been going back to back to court, I’ve been showing up at court but not to be the victim I go to support him, he is my husband- they won’t drop the restraining order, I told the judge I lied and my husband is going to trial if he were to loose what are the consequences?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Since this is a legal question in regards to your husband’s case, we recommend you to seek out the services of a private attorney in order to look at the case. You could also attend to the Self-Help Center-Family Law Facilitator at the Family Relations Courthouse where they might be able to answer your questions, attached is the link to their website https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/family/self-help-center.aspx.  If you would like more information about programs or resources that can be beneficial for you, including counseling, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line-916.920.2952.

I’ve been with a covert narcissist for two and a half years. He threatened me and strangled me two and a half years ago I did not make a police report what can i do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing that over the years, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you but we glad you are alive. You may choose to report those incidents to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior. You may also consider filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against him. They are free in the state of California and there are free workshops every Monday, Wednesday and Friday where they will help you fill out the paperwork. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do whatever you can to keep you and yourself safe. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

Ive was with my boyfriend for 5 years. 4 of those years he has been addicted to Meth and now Crack. H also very recently was diagnosed as being bipolar and prescribed medication. Up until this year he has become very hostel and physically abusive. This occurs only when wanting to get high and maybe also caused by his condition. Yes he definitely has an anger management issue as well. H gets clean for a couple of weeks and falls back and that is when he becomes extremely scary. One of his episodes he poured gasoline on me while in my car as he forced me to withdraw money and drive him to his dealer and got very angry at me for refusing at first. [Edited for content]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life we would advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My ex is threatening to expose pics we took that are sexual he is in another state what can I do

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We understand how scary ad frustrating it can be to have someone threaten you this way. We would recommend you contact your local police department to get advice on how you can protect yourself.  Also, we offer a 24-Hour Support and Information Line that may be helpful for you. We can provide emotional support to help you process wat you’re going through. You can contact us at (916)-920-2952.

Hello; I have a DRVO for my ex-husband. He’s violated the order 4 times in 2 months. He’s been arrested once and has had 3 Requests for Warrants sent to the DA. The DA has not yet pressed charges. He lives in Sacramento and I live in Elk Grove, Elk Grove PD always seems to have “priority” calls over mine, and except for once will not go to Sacramento to arrest him. I swear I’m close to my end. What is the point of a DRVO if the police and DA do nothing about it when it is violated? Is there anything else I can do so that this man stops his stalking and harassment of me? It never ends.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about your ex-husband violating the Domestic Violence Restraining Order and not being apprehended, it can certainly get exhausting. Since your question is legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. You may also contact the Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center (FJC) at 916.875.4673 for answers. If you need support and would like to speak to an advocate, please contact us at our 24/7 Support Line.

My boyfriend used to spank his kids a lot. I, as the stepparent, used to as well. A couple of times (I’m deeply ashamed to say), I’ve left tiny bruises on their butts. When I realized, I stopped spanking completely…At the time, I told him that I would like for him to agree to never spank any of the kids, in any form ever again, and that I didn’t trust him to be alone with the kids. He agreed at the time, but a few days later was upset with me for that. He said that I’ve hit the kids just as much and have left the same manner of bruising, also, and that if I reported him, he would say that some of the marks were from me…he’s been completely different around all of the kids ever since. He has not spanked them, yelled at them. He’s taken far more time than ever before to sit with them when they’re having a rough time and talk them through tough emotions. He’s a completely different father, for the better. And yet, he said (at the time) that he would report me for the abuse that HE did. I don’t know how to justify the two – the lie on the one hand, and the (now) involved, loving dad that he’s become. Add in that he’s the only one with parental rights (I have none and their other parent has waived theirs), and it seems like the best option is to wait until they’re older and try to protect them as I can in the meantime. Are there other options? [Edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are in this predicament. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. If there’s a history of abuse with that person and/or that child, there could also be an issue with both the law and CPS, as the expectation from CPS would be that you’re able to keep the child out of an abusive environment or witnessing that sort of thing. Here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sherriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). If you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep the children from the father AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from him. Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options. As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

If my ex-boyfriend breaks my car windows and slices my tires does that mean he hates me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am very sorry you have experienced this; I can only imagine how scary it must have been for you. I cannot say for sure if your ex-boyfriend hates you or not but I will say that it is not okay for anyone to destroy your property, no matter how they feel about you. If you do not feel safe, I would suggest you call your local police department and make a report. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experience or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I am a 54 year old abused girlfriend, I have been called retard, stupid, liar, loser, you name it. I have been warned and warned about taking action again, we have been to court twice, he was removed twice, yet when he comes back he flares up and starts again. I am always the blame for his anger, the finances, his debt, it never stops, he controls the shopping, the laundry soap, tells me to slow down on the cream, the bread whatever. I feel like a nobody and am craving to get out of here, he threatens to sell the house, go into foreclosure on a regular basis and breaks things I adore. He goes through my things and after 10 years I am not allowed a mailbox key.  He is killing me inside, he will wake up at 3 am and disrupt my sleep tells me to shut up and doesn’t want to hear me his scares me at times. What are my legal rights? We bought this house together yet it is in his name only. What are my legal rights? Please answer me.

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry you are experiencing that kind of treatment with your current partner. Based on what you share it seems you are in a domestic violence relationship and that you have taken action before where he has been removed from the home, although he comes back later and the cycle starts all over again. Since your questions are legal, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal line– you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The number is 916.319.4944. Also, you may find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you are experiencing and work on ending the cycle. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process at 916.920.2952.

If someone gets into a heated argument with their significant other and as usual nasty words and empty threats get thrown around, can one call the cops and have the other actually arrested for saying, “ I’m gonna kill you” to the other?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, in your case, if you fear for your life and you believe he can commit a crime against you we advise you to contact law enforcement or 911. Most importantly, if you decide to continue your relationship with that person, it might be beneficial to seek counseling for the both of you in order to prevent it from escalating to something worse where law enforcement will have to be called. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My husband of only a year got mad at me the other night. He was drinking. He tried to get amorous with me and I told him calmly that I didn’t want to and didn’t like him when he was like that. He blew up and threw his wedding ring in my face. Then told me to leave and go into the other room. I went to the bathroom and he busted in, he wouldn’t let me out. I kept saying let me out. I tried to get past him and he pushed me back in. Bu the then I’m upset and crying stating I can’t believe it doing this. He kept blocking me and but I eventually managed to get out. He normally is calm and respectful and not controlling. It messed me up because of what I went through with my ex-husband. I called his bf that came over and calmed him down. I feel withdrawn and angry. He says of course he is sorry and kind of minimalizes it and Hope’s just to move on, well I can’t forget about it, is this abuse should I be concerned?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that with your husband; it can be scary and can make you not trust him again. Based on what you shared, it seems this incident was the first time he behaved like that, and like everything, it can happen again. You will be able to notice a pattern of behavior, you will be able to notice if he only behaves like this when he is drinking, and If so, this might be an alcohol problem that clouds his judgment. If it happens again when he is sober then it might be him and his character, which is something to look out for in case it starts escalating. It might be best to bring out your concerns to your husband and for you to safety plan if it happens again. Most importantly you deserve to be safe and it might necessary for him to take the necessary steps so it doesn’t happen again.  You can talk to an advocate by calling our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952-if you would like more information about programs or resources that can be beneficial for your husband and you.

I have never had a record not even a speeding ticket been in an abusive relationship for 7 years now very toxic multiple domestics and things got out of line and I went to jail got charged with felony domestic battery with child endangerment because he’s abusive and spit a loogie on me and I slapped him, am I going to lose my kids? Will cps he notified?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. If you would like an update on your case you can contact the Police Department where the charge was filed. As for CPS, contact your county’s CPS office and see if they can assist you. If you would like to seek additional support or resources please contact our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My wife of 10 years told me out of nowhere she wanted a divorce. I was shocked. She has since been telling poeple that is because I have been abusive for 10 years. She constantly has tried to convince that I’ve done things to her that I have never or would ever do. She says I’ve hit her, pushed her down the stairs, kicked her in the stomach. All of this is completely false and it’s almost literally driving me insane. We have 4 children ages 3-10. And she uses them to try to make me admit I was abusive. I was so scared to lose my children one night when she said she was taking them to Utah to live with her family and I will never see them again, that I broke. I caved and agreed that I’d abused her for 10 years. She didn’t leave. A couple of days ago I’d had enough. She was pushing me to move out of our house and she lost it and started screaming for me to leave. I told her I wasn’t leaving and began recording on my phone how she was behaving. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are not sure where you’re located but wanted to  refer you to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224. You can also call our 24-hour support and information line to receive additional support 916-920-2952. Additionally we would like to let you know that WEAVE identifies five types of domestic violence.  All types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. The types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations, one type is emotional abuse.  The reason and intent of the person do the action, and damage done to the recipient of the action, that helps to define if the action is abuse. By talking with a counselor on our 24-Hour Crisis Line you would be able to explore in more detail both the dynamics of your relationship and about WEAVE’s services.
My ex husband and his new wife (was his fiancé when this happened) repeatedly hit my exes and my just turned 3 year old son on the buttocks until they were horribly black and blue for peeing and pooping his pants and lying about it. I went to domestic court and won full custody after a trial which included CPS, emergency room physician, day care worker, and GAL testimony. I want to go and file a petition for order of protection so she can not be around my kids now that she has been convicted in criminal court and is awaiting sentencing. Do you think I have a good enough reason for the domestic court ruling, of allowing her to be supervised by my ex around the kids, to now be overturned since she was found guilty of the charges in criminal court?? [ Edited for length] 

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear about what your son went through with your ex and we are glad to hear that justice is being served. Given the circumstances, you have more than enough reason to want to overturn the last ruling and should be done in order to continue protecting your son and your daughter. We recommend going to the Family Court house and following the steps advised to complete this order. If you have any further questions or need emotional support you are also able to contact us through our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

My 68 year old home owner brother offered a woman he knew from high school (she was in a bad living situation) to move into his guest room, in return she would clean the house, cook meals, etc. His health declined rapidly (he is now able to take care of himself though after 9 months of chemo etc) and he is still inclined to help her out with this arrangement. She became abusive (she has a former record for DV) and he tried to go to his room to get away from her. He is 6′2″; she is 5′0″. He claims she jumped in front of him and he phoned the police. The police arrested my brother for felony ADW/Force Possible GBI. I would like to get her evicted for both of their sakes. She decided to not press charges. I have POA for him in the event of his death or health decline again…what should I do? She took very good care of my brother when he needed help but she is relentless with her mouth, points of view, etc. and when we have been around her, my polite husband has had to step up and say, “enough, end of conversation and tell me we are leaving”…I don’t see my brother much because of her presence…please advise what you think would be best for all parties concerned? I am very stressed out and not sleeping over this…thank you.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We understand you are very stressed out and worried with the current situation of your brother. Unfortunately, your brother is an adult and he has to be the one to want to change his current living situation. Based on what you shared It’s possible that they might be in a co-combative relationship which isn’t healthy and can easily escalate more. If your brother decides to evict her he might have to file for a unlawful detainer complaint, which can take time, but it’s possible. We will be happy to talk to him, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that he will need to call us for us to talk to him directly. If he is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. You might also be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377.

I was in an on and off relationship for 3 years with my ex boyfriend, who i met in college, I got pregnant. Throughout those 3 years i didn’t realize I was being mentally and emotionally abused. (i.e. telling me nobody will want after having my child, trying to make me get an abortion, quitting his job or getting fired on purpose to force me to pay his half of the rent, and now asking for full custody of my daughter and threatening to have the Judge (that his attorney knows ) throw me in jail.) He’s living a very unstable life (i.e. struggling with substance abuse, squatting, not having a vehicle or license) and when I complained to the court they did not even give me the chance to express my issues to keep my daughter safe. She’s 6 months and this has been going since she was born. She always come back from him different or uncomfortable. I’ve been letting everything pack down inside and praying that he will one day leave me and my daughter alone to live a peaceful life but it’s doesn’t seem to be happening. I don’t know what to do and i don’t want my daughter to feel like or experience I did when I lived with him. I feel like no one understands what i’m going through… it’s like someone took my heart out and is forcing me to chase it while saying stay alive. He is still trying to treat me like a slave or the weak person who didn’t leave earlier. what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We want to start off by saying you’re taking great steps in recognizing that you were in an abusive relationship and working towards keeping you and your child safe. WEAVE has legal advocates who can help provide you with legal support regarding ways to keep you and your child safe and to ensure that you are heard in court. You can contact them at 916.319.4944 and please leave a message with your name and a safe-identified phone number. The turnaround time for their response is about five business days. If you are interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113.  If you have any other questions or would like to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.

So we don’t know how to take my stepdad out of the apartment it’s under his name and my moms he’s drunk right now screaming calling us names and punching walls and breaking stuff the cops came and said they can’t do anything but tell us to leave. How is it fair that he can stay here doing things and be cops say they can’t do anything about it

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are very sorry you and your mom have been experiencing this. Unfortunately, if the apartment is under his name, you or mom cannot legally make him leave. If your mom is interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, CA. If you would like to talk to an advocate to get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My husband hit me in the breast last night in anger I am still in pain. I finally got an apology of sorts, however it is accompanied with shifting of blame on to me and questions like – What do you want me to do I’ve said I’m sorry- I just don’t know what to do?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing this with your current partner.  We are sorry that you were treated this way and if you are still in pain we encourage you to seek medical attention.  Secondly safety is very important, and we can help you with that by safety planning. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including emotional support,  free counseling services and possible case management services if you are within the Sacramento area.

I live in a triplex. The neighbor in the middle with whom I share a wall beat up his live-in girl friend. I heard the whole thing and I’m the one who called the police. He was carried away in hand cuffs, but came back in about 6 weeks. I can still hear him yelling curse words at her everyday just like in the days leading up to when he beat her up. I didn’t call until I heard her say, “get your hands off me”. I knew then that it wasn’t just yelling. Now, I don’t know what to do. Shouldn’t he be under a restraining order to not be allowed to live with her anymore.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear that your neighbor is still abusive even after you have called law enforcement. Unfortunately, if your neighbor has not filed a restraining order against her abuser, there is nothing to stop him from coming back to the apartment. If your neighbor is interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113 at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, CA. Witnessing abuse can also have detrimental effects on you as well. You can always call 24/7 WEAVE Support Line 916-920-2952 to receive support or resources. We’re here to help however we can.

How can I leave this dangerous relationship I’m in with this man? He is a daily methamphetamine user and he is also on meds for bipolar. He is controlling and just plain weird and scary to be around. He screams and yells at me all the time and tells me I do and say things that are not even true. I think he is trying to make me crazy and I already have mental illness problems as well as in manic depression , anxiety and PTSD from child and teenage trauma. He does not hit me but I can’t take it anymore he is causing me to break and have panic attacks. When I go to leave he eats a bunch of pills or cuts his face or wrist and says if I walk out then I’ve killed him. I don’t want that on me because he is doing it to himself. Please help

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing this with your current partner, based on what you shared it sounds like you are in a domestic violence relationship, drug use and mental illness also makes things worse. You know you want to leave and that you need to get out, but that only exasperates his behavior. Have you consider contacting law enforcement next time he threatens to harm himself if you leave? If you have a support system and someone to stay with it might be necessary to also seek a restraining order against him. Most importantly you need to be safe and safety planning will be crucial. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 years and I was emotionally abusive. The relationship ended when my emotional outbursts, unrelenting anger and constant belittling of my partner led to her attempting suicide. Luckily she survived, and a few weeks later she realized she could not continue to share a life with me. That was at the beginning of this year, and we have remained no-contact since then, until earlier this month, when she reached out to me and we began speaking a bit before again deciding to go no-contact. I enrolled myself into an abusers intervention program and have stopped abusing benzodiazepines, which was another issue I had throughout the relationship. I guess my question is, is there a way her and I could ever be together again? We both share that desire but are terrified of ending up in the same situation again. Is it ever possible to “make things work”? And if so, does that require that we stay apart while I work on myself?

Thanks again.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I want to start off by saying you’re taking great steps the fact that you are recognizing that you were abusive and working towards bettering yourself with programs. If you were to get back with this person do you think there is that possibility of the same patterns happening again? If yes, then maybe just stay focused on working on yourself and maybe one day if she decides that she wants a relationship with you she will come back but she has to decide what is best for her and you respecting that is a way to show you are acknowledging her feelings.

I was in a very abusive relationship 13 years ago. My ex went to prison for parole violations after being released for serving time on 28 criminal sexual counts. He forced me to make a fake marriage license so I could visit him. He is now threatening to turn me in for making the fake license. I am wondering if there is a statute of limitations or if I could really get in trouble for this. He was so mentally and emotionally abusive, even threatened that his brother would harm me if I didn’t do it. I don’t know if he is just trying to stay in contact with me and trying to control me or if he really could get me in trouble.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear that he is still abusive even though he is in prison. It’s possible that he is trying to scare you and manipulate you into doing what he wants since he doesn’t have much control over you anymore. Since this is a legal question we recommend you to contact an attorney and ask for legal advice and about how to proceed in case your ex does report you. You can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or National Center for Victims of Crime at 855.484.2846. If you have any more questions Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I am in my mid-twenties, and I was camping with my father and family inside a travel trailer. After telling a family member about a panic attack earlier in the day, my father cornered me inside the trailer and would not let me outside. I had planned on leaving back to my house that night, but he said the only way I was going to leave there was in the back of a police car. After attempting to leave, he grabbed me and threw me to the ground and put me in a choke hold. I was unable to breathe as he was on top of me and he was choking me. I am 135 lbs and he is 270 lbs approximately. A family member yelled at him not to but he continued. The family member then called the police, and woke up the whole campground and the entire family and told them about my panic attack. The choking continued until my uncle pushed open the door of the trailer. At that moment, my father got off me and I went to my Uncle who helped me get out of there. Can I press charged against my father?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry you experienced that with your father. If you have any legal questions and/or want to seek counseling A Community for Peace is a center that has a focus in family Violence. You can contact them on their 24/7 SL at 916.728.7210. Please feel free to seek Support and Information from our 24/7 line as well at 916.920.2952.

My boyfriend beat me up, I pressed charges against him, the officer that showed up didn’t lock him up, the trailer we both own no title but pieces is in his name we been there for 18 years they made me leave he’s been abusing me for 10 years, and every time we go to court I got to drop it cause he would lie and threaten my life well he has a warrant for his arrest and knows it but is hiding. my question is who do I talk to about getting help I want to testify but he threatened me saying he will get me in any way he can, he won’t let me have none of my belongings.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through at the moment. Have you thought about filing for a Restraining Order against your boyfriend? A restraining order might be necessary for you to feel safe and be able to return home. You might also need to file another police report. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about resources that might be beneficial to you.

Can I press charges and will she be arrested? My daughter is very abusive. I have been protecting myself from her for years. Police have been involved yet I wouldn’t press charges cause she is my daughter. Can I press charges because she has beat me many times the last year. She is very strong and loves to choke and pull hair. She is constantly telling me she wishes she would of killed me or wants me dead. I’m saying the last time she choked me so much that I felt and heard a crunch in my throat. She choked me again and immediately I couldn’t breath. It’s still like that.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and it must be very difficult for you. A Community for Peace is a place that provides services (Support and Legal) for those experiencing violence within the family. You can reach them at 916.728.7210 for 24/7 support. If you are interested in getting a restraining order there are options for that as well through the Sacramento County Superior Court: https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/restraining-orders.aspx. If you would like additional information or support please reach out to one of our advocates through our 24/7 line at 916.920.2952.

 How can I get my boyfriend of 13 years help for his anger issues? I love him very much, we have 3 children together. However, he is always angry About 11 years ago we had a terrible physical fight that he tried to claim to be the victim however the courts saw through it; he went to anger management for a few weeks and then quit. About 5 years ago, we had an altercation and when the cops arrived he made me look like a crazy person. About 2 years ago, he kicked a hole in my mother’s expensive space heater we were borrowing and proceeded to choke me in front of our children. Now yesterday, he threatened to run me over with his car and was kicking and slamming things. I told him to stop or I would call the cops if he broke anything and get a restraining order. Today he tells me it was just words he shouldn’t have said and didn’t mean in the heat of the moment; and that what I said I shouldn’t have said too. But I finally stood up for myself by saying I wasn’t going to take it anymore and I did want to mean it…but now I’m sitting here wondering when does this end? How does this end? Will he just end up killing me? Because he won’t leave and I don’t have the heart to make him leave. I just want to get him help and have the sweet, kind man that adored me when I first met him back [edited for length] 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you and your children are experiencing this. If you think the kids are exposed to stuff or behavior is harming them or detrimental to their well-being, you could contact Law Enforcement if at any point you feel afraid. There are many resources for you but you have to think about what you would want to do. Have you thought of seeking counseling? If your children are old enough have you spoke to them about what they are witnessing? Witnessing abuse can have detrimental effects on children. Have you thought of getting counseling for them?  If you have but you’re just not sure where to start you can always call 24/7 WEAVE Support Line 916-920-2952 to receive support or resources.  Unfortunately you probably cannot change him, he would have to want to change his self but what you can do is do what’s best for you and your children.  You should be very proud of yourself for standing up and saying what you feel.

Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Why did WEAVE . . . tell me about resources that were available to me and why didn’t my counselor go with me to hotel [edited for length] 

We are sorry you did not have a good experience when you accessed services recently. We cannot go into details online about specific situations but are transparent that funding restrictions and funding availability may limit who can receive specific services (i.e. legal, moving assistance, etc.). We know the only way we can do better is when we hear from those who needed more than we could provide. Please email your concerns to info@weaveinc.org with your preferred contact information (email or phone) and arrangements will be made for you to speak with the CEO. 

I’m having flashbacks of my recent and extensive physical abuse from my ex. I have just been granted victims compensation and I really would like to use that and make him go to a counseling session so he can sit and hear my pain and what he did. Is that healthy? I really want him to just listen and be forced to listen with a mediator.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry you have experienced that within your past relationship and the effects it is been having on your life. It is very brave of you to reach out and seek help from the terrible experiences you have had and although it may beneficial for your ex to receive help as well, you cannot force someone to go to counseling. You can certainly extend the invitation to your ex about accompanying you to those counseling sessions but at this point, you need to take some time and heal for yourself. Maybe at a later date and time, the both of you can sit down with a mediator or counselor and talk about issues of the past. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

My ex-boyfriend and father of our 16 month old baby is in the process of criminal proceedings for domestic violence. This is his second charge in less than 5 years. I was unaware of the prior change (and apparent conviction). My question is- I have an approximately 1 inch scar on my face (just above and to the left of the bridge of my nose) as a result of the incident. Is there any precedent for suing an abuser for causing very visible permanent scaring on the face? I am a reasonably attractive woman, and this scar has changed the way I look. It is also a constant reminder of the abuse.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support; you can contact them at 916.319.4944. Please leave a message with your name and a safe-identified phone number. If you are interested in filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order the Family Court House holds workshops every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45a-12:00p in room #113.  If you have any other questions or would like to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.

I have only been married to my husband for a little over 2 months. However, we have been together for over 13 years and within those 13 years, he’s beaten me up 5 times. The last time was in April of 2017. I decided not to pursue a case even though I ended up in the ER with brain injury. Even now that we are married, the emotional and mental abuse continue. He put me on allowance and took away the only credit card he ever gave me while his ex-wife continues to receive all benefits. He made sure I signed a prenuptial agreement waiving all my rights to claim or else there wouldn’t have been a wedding which according to him could’ve led to my deportation because of my immigration status. In over 12 years, I supported myself, paid for school and my expenses while the ex-wife received all the spousal benefits and support. I was referred to as the babysitter and maid in some reports filed with the police department and he had me arrested after trying to defend myself but was later dismissed. Please. I need help. Do I have other options immigration-wise? I feel so trapped

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your marriage. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information

Hi, My boyfriend of 2 years physically hurt me Monday 813/18 night. I was scared and not sure what to do. He was drunk, he is 6′7 and I am 4′11. I went to the neighbors and they advised me to call the police. I was so shaken up and I feel bad now and guilty. I love him he is the only person I have ever been with and honestly I can’t say I see myself without him. Now I don’t know. His mother has contacted me saying its my fault and I ruined his life. His friend called me the next day saying he’s is getting a lawyer for him and that he doesn’t believe me that he hurt me and that I just made a mistake. His sister sees it from both sides knowing he has anger issues. My main question here is if I were to reach out to him because Im hurt sad and worried, would it look bad on my part. Would the prosecutor think I am lying too. I am so confused and I feel alone and don’t know what to do. I just need to hear from my best friend and make sure he is ok and let him know I never meant to hurt him this way but he hurt me and thats not ok. I just want to know how he’s feeling. I know its pathetic of me but I love him

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship. Unfortunately I cannot advise you on what you should do but if you are looking for more support WEAVE has a 24/7 Support Line 916-920-2952 that you can call and talk to someone over the phone.

I was in an abusive relationship for close to 4 years, I was finally able to get out a few weeks ago but am still being harassed almost constantly. One of the biggest issues is that we have a car that is financed together, but I cannot refinance with our lender because I have poor credit and not a lot of money. I was curious if there were financial resources available to DV victims that could help me sever this final tie with him. I am constantly in fear of him showing up at my work or finding where I live and trying to take my car, or worse.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship. WEAVE offers a Financial Empowerment Workshop, the updated information can be found on our website. Weave also offers legal support for Sacramento County, to contact them please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected with additional resources you can contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I was married to my ex-husband for roughly about 5 years 2 of The Last 5 Years we were legally separated so that he could have a tax write-off basically we divorced I asked him for help to buy a vehicle I couldn’t get it cuz he ruined my credit during the divorce so now the vehicle is in his name and now he wants to can he do that is that possible?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information

If a father slaps his daughter (8) upside the head into a metal corner of a wall putting such a dent in her head that she has to go to the hospital to get stitches, is that abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define physical abuse as the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured. So in your case the answer would be yes, it would be considered abuse. If there’s a history of abuse with that person and/or that child, there could also be an issue with both the law and CPS, as the expectation from CPS would be that you’re able to keep the child out of an abusive environment or witnessing that sort of thing. Here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sherriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). As always, you can call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss.

Why won’t the police put my daughter’s boyfriend in jail for kicking in her door 3 times, breaking in daughter’s window and stealing the baby’s television, cutting her tires on her car, stealing her car keys and periodically moving her car here and there. She is pregnant, at my house, he comes over and is fighting her, he even threatened to bust out my windows and kick in my door! I call the Travis County Police, all they say is we can’t do anything unless she files and we can’t do anything about him threatening to bust out your windows. Why are the criminals more protected than the abuser? As soon as an abused person defends themselves, here comes the police to arrest them on the spot and letting the abuser go free! Never fails.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter and you are going through this at the moment. Law enforcement is there to protect us, and sometimes the decisions they make it’s according to the laws and codes, even though it might seem unfair sometimes. Has your daughter try filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against him? Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  We recommend you reaching out to a local Domestic Violence agency in your County for assistance or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

If my ex-wife’s boyfriend attacked me and I file charges can I file for full custody of the kids? She is making poor choices and putting them, and me, in danger. 

Thanks for turning to us for some assistance, we’re glad to offer any kind of help we can!

I’m sorry that your ex-wife and her new partner aren’t making the best decisions when it comes to co-parenting and co-existing. You’re essentially free to file for full custody whenever you’d like to and while this incident isn’t a guarantee you’ll win that case, it is certainly compelling evidence. When you say your ex-wife isn’t making the best choices for the kids, it’s important that you qualify that somehow with concrete evidence to back it up – the courts never operate off of mere hearsay. Also, if you think the kids are exposed to stuff or behavior is harming them or detrimental to their well-being, you could always file a report with CPS and have them look into it in order to determine whether they are in a suitable environment. Lastly, if you are truly worried there is a clear and present danger or that there is a specific reason to keep your children from your ex-wife AND you do not already have a custody agreement in place, there is something though the District Attorney’s Office called a Good Cause Notification. If you go to their website, you can fill out a form with all those details so that you are legally able to keep them from one another.

Issues like these are very sensitive when there are kids involved and no matter what path you’re forced to take, be sure you have their best interests at heart and whether that means court mediation, counseling or any number of other options, try to keep them at the forefront of your mind. For help or more information about all the stuff we discussed, give our Confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line a call and one of our advocates can provide you with any further assistance or clarity you may need. Also, these things can take a toll on your psyche, so if you just need to talk, we’re here for that, too! In the meantime, be safe and be the best you possible! 

What to do when your girlfriend grabs you by the balls and threatens you I told her if she grabs me by the balls like that again I was going to punch her in her face I told her I was going to punch her in her face because I think that would be the fastest way to make her let go I don’t know why she keeps fighting me over almost anything…when I first met her about 5 years ago she had a drawer with little cups and little spoons that were filled up with Comet cleaner and after I questioned her about it she got rid of it but I can’t find a little cups here and there around the house never seen her use Comet to clean anything but would always be cleaning When I’m Gone and it will smell like comet 

She also has other issues like she has been eating or washing her mouth out with comet cleaner and whenever she does this I feel like she is more aggressive somebody please help

Thanks for coming to us for some support! First, let’s establish that it’s never okay to lay your hands on anyone else in anger, and this applies to both sides of an altercation. Nothing gives anyone the right to come at you in an aggressive, and they are absolutely wrong for that, but despite the situation or the severe pain it causes you, the solution isn’t more violence. For one, it’s illegal and two, it makes you both contributing, culpable parties in the situation – it’s hard to claim to be justified in any situation where both of you are severely injured. The most important reason though, is that no problems were ever solved with violence. If anything, it amplifies the problem and all the accompanying anger, fear, hurt and sadness that comes along with it. Reacting to her abuse with your own does not mean it’s justified, it means you’re just as bad as she is. Call us at our Confidential, 24/7 Support and Information Line and we can help you find alternatives, get some counseling on how to deal with the abuse and/or each other, find some peace or how to keep yourself safe and out of trouble. That number is (916) 920-2952 and whether it’s 3 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon, our advocates are there for you.

The second part of your message could relate to a number of things. Perhaps she has a compulsion to arrange flatware and comet as a comfort, or it could be Pica, an eating disorder where people feel compelled to eat things typically not classified as food, like chalk, soap or, perhaps, even Clorox or maybe she just has a cleaning ritual she doesn’t want to share with you. In any case, perhaps you could sensitively open the lines of communication and delicately ask her. If it is something problematic, perhaps that is something you can help her with – offering love and compassion is always important for the ones we care about. If it is anything serious, it is advisable you have her see a doctor to check her health for any adverse health effects it may have caused

We wish you both the best in being safe and finding a kind, more cooperative way to solve your problems, whatever that may look like for the two of you. 

I been with my boyfriend for a little over a year . We got pregnant months after dating and deciding to move together. I was free spirit and he know that about me ,including smoking pot. He would push me arou d at first and as for the yesterday he litreally cbocked me, slap me, pulled my hair, elbow my spine, hit the back of my head, step on my feet ,pulled my arms and torn my shirt. This doesn’t include the verbal abuse. Calling mg trash,whore,Mexican and ext. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s my fault. But no one has hit me like Marcus does. He literally hit me and it’s only gotten this far once. I’m scared henwont stop. Right now he’s outside and I don’t k is why he bein mean to me . Our child is only few months right now. I always tell my self we barely know each other and we shouldn’t give up. I shouldn’t give up. One day tell trust me. I won’t never cheat on mg im but I definitely need time away from him , especially since he was aggressive days before. Do all women get bear and maybe it stops …. what should I do. 

With everything going on, thanks for reaching out to WEAVE here on our message boards – we’re here to help however we can!

First, we want to make it VERY clear that there is never a time, circumstance or excuse for someone else putting their hands on you, so in no way, shape or form are you at fault for being treated this way, there is never any excuse for it. Sometimes, this kind of violent or aggressive behavior can escalate, as you’ve seen, and there isn’t always a rhyme or reason for it. There is always a possibility that with intensive counseling, a lot of work and a genuine desire to change, someone can learn to do better, but that requires a lot of someone, not to mention time. Our priority is getting you somewhere safe and stable where you can take care of yourself and your baby. If you don’t have a relative or friend you feel comfortable staying with, contact us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line where we can work with you to find places and organizations whose only job is giving people going through stuff like this an option where they can be safe from all the anxiety and hurt that stems from this kind of abuse and start to heal. Also, we have a bunch of resources for pregnant women, from housing to healthcare to car seats and diapers, whatever kind of stuff you might need for you and the baby. Our number is (916) 920-2952 and there’s always an advocate there to help support you. 

My ex wife and I have 3 kids. A 4th old, 2yr old and a 3m old. I just found out from my oldest daughter(18yr) from a previous, that my ex just got arrested and put in jail, for smacking our 2yr old in the face..which was seen done by a cop…who was the arresting officer. My ex already has 1 charge of domestic viloence for punching me in eye n put me in hospital. How long…in state of Alabama would my ex would spend in jail? The grandmother has my kids until DHR says so. And my ex is not allowed to be around my kids until otherwise told so. Also…I moved out and now living in Kentucky as to where my ex n kids still live in Alabama. Would I be able to get my kids and bring with me to Kentucky?  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you and your kids had to experience that, unfortunately we are not aware of how laws and statutes are enforced in your part of the United Stated, it is probably best you contact your local Domestic Violence agencies such as – Center for women and Families in Kentucky or Penelope House in Alabama and they may be able to provide you with more specific information. If there anyway we can be more of an assistance or you just need some support you can contact our 24/7 Support Line (916) 920-2952. 
This happened in Sacramento, California. A woman was in a domestic violence drama with her latest loser boyfriend. She probably has multiple crazy boyfriend folders at your office five inches thick. Due to death and injury threats, and violence her latest loser boyfriend committed to kill/harm her, she was granted a restraining order (R.O.). Latest loser is not supposed to contact her or come within a set number of feet of her. She has a baby conceived from current loser. She tells me even with the R.O. she wants her daughter to bond to crazy daddy. She allows loser to secretly visit her and child. She and loser still have sex together. They communicate on Facebook, and in daily telephone texts/calls. I called Sac County CPS today to report child endangerment. CPS said its a police matter due to the R.O. I called Sac PD. Only got an answering machine. I finally on my own found their file a police report page. Found out the Sac PD wants me to do their job. For example, take a picture of loser’s car license plate while violating restraining order. Loser doesn’t own a car. Submit photos, etc., Sac PD won’t let me file a report without the number of the restraining order. Its like everything is built to make it impossible to report a domestic violence R.O. crime. Just tell me: Is it considered child endangerment? If not, she can just die with her child someday because the current governmental reporting system is built to do exactly that Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It seems like you are a very concerned person who is looking out for the best interest of your friend and her child. While there are limitations to what law enforcement and CPS can do in the moment, it may be beneficial for your friend to talk to someone outside of the situation. When you get a chance, have your friend give us a call at our 24-Hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 and we can work together on how best to free her from the shackles of her ex-boyfriend. You’re always welcome to call if you have questions, need help finding resources or just need to talk. We hope to hear from you soon. 

My mother lashed out at me and ripped some lights i had hanging up off the wall. The lights and some wood from my ceiling fell on me and i got really cut up but my mom just stormed out yelling she was leaving my family. Would that be considered abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am really sorry that you got hurt and I hope now you are doing better. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another person. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you.

What do I do when my abuser is here on my front sidewalk but says he just wants to say hi to my kid. and the police say he’s not doing anything wrong, which now is worse.. my doctor has been documenting it but still.. I’m scared to leave my house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how scary this must be for you. You may consider filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against him, as you have mentioned being scared to leave your house. They are free in the state of California and there are free workshops every Monday, Wednesday and Friday where they will help you fill out the paperwork. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do whatever you can to keep you and your child safe. In the event things being to escalate, please call 911. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

Is putting a 9 years old on a motorcycle violating order of protection stating
“Refrain from endangering the kid” 

Thanks for reaching out to WEAVE and posting on our message board!

While it may seem like an easy answer, there are things to consider like does that particular kid have a history of riding motorcycles or a long-standing interest in them? Is this something that the kid regularly does or is it something totally new? These are important questions to consider since there are actually child safety seats made for babies – it’s all a matter of what risk means to that individual child. Also, there is no minimum age for motorcycle ridership in California, only that all passengers must have a “seat securely fastened to the machine at the rear of the driver and (be) provided with footrests.” You would probably have to assess what kind of risks were actually taken in order to make any official complaint, but since it was a stipulation in your custody agreement, if you felt that it was unsafe, you’re certainly within your rights to report it and let officials work out whether it violates your agreement. 

If you have any further questions on the matter or there’s anything else we can help you with, feel free to contact us on our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 – there’s always a live advocate there able to assist you. 

Can I report domestic violence that happened to me from my ex even after the relationship is over?

Thanks for sending us a message – hopefully we’re able to offer you the kind of guidance you’re looking for.

Like most criminal cases, time is usually of the essence when it comes to evidence and that sort of thing, but if there is a situation that you feel warrants a report to law enforcement, you could always call the non-emergency line for whatever jurisdiction you’re in or you could even file an online incident report. If you want help figuring out what jurisdiction you’re in or have any questions about the type of options open to you, call us on our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line (916) 920-2953, and one of our advocates will be happy to help you however they can! 

Am I being abused by my fiancé? I worry that he might be emotionally abusing me, but he makes it out like I’m the bad guy and I feel like I’m going crazy. He always tells me that my friends are horrible and how much he doesn’t like them…He won’t let me go anywhere without him because it’s “dangerous”. He yells at me if I don’t drive the way he wants me to or goes the direction he wants. I think he might be guilt tripping me a lot too…The few times I’ve directly told him no while he was guilt tripping me I’ve been yelled at. One time he told me he was going to buy me a gun and make me wear it. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable doing that and he continued to say how he was going to make me. When I finally told him no with a stern voice he yelled at me for making a scene in public. He hates it when I cry and will yell at me for it if he makes me cry, so I started going to the bathroom. He’ll follow me to the bathroom and yell at me for not telling him why I’m upset…he’ll scream at me and start naming all the bad things I’ve done. Sometimes he’ll even make stuff up. He often likes to tell me what I’m thinking and when I tell him that’s not what I’m thinking or what I meant he won’t believe me and will yell at me. He frequently punches walls, tables, fans, basically anything he can get his hands on when he’s mad. The few times we’ve had dogs he would literally beat the dogs if they did something that made him mad. One time he beat our German Sheppard with a power chord because it peed in the house. He says he’d never hurt a woman though, but he has slapped me a few times and told me it was because he was trying to calm me down because I was too worked up. I didn’t really see it as psychical abuse because my grandfather did it to me once. He’s only slapped me twice, but it hasn’t happened in a long time now. He’s also put a gun to my chest and the back of my head a few times when I’ve tried to stop him from killing himself. One day he told me I was ruining his life because I wouldn’t get a job… Meanwhile he had no job and wasn’t even applying anywhere. Now I have a job and he still isn’t applying anywhere or calling anywhere…He says he has anger issues and he just can’t help it, but after a bad fight he’ll usually come apologize and say he didn’t mean it. He can be the sweetest guy when he’s not yelling at me. He’ll call me the most beautiful girl and tell me how much he loves me, but it never stays like that…I just feel so depressed and lonely. He makes it out like I’m doing this to myself and that I’m just a negative Nancy, but I’m really questioning myself. I just want to know if he knows what he’s doing and is treating me like this on purpose or if he really just doesn’t have control, but wants to. (Edited for length) 

Thanks for reaching out when it seems like you have a lot on your plate. Typically we’d avoid making sweeping statements based on a simple message board post, but in our opinion everything you’re going through definitely sounds like abusive behavior.

All of the instances in which your fiancé does things to make you feel or seem crazy, then tries to blame on your behavior is called “gas lighting” and it appears as though he uses that often to make you unsure of whether or not you’re behaving appropriately. Also, even though it’s only happened on a handful of occasions, there is never an excuse for putting his hands on you, regardless of whether or not this is a tactic you’ve experienced before in your life. Even more alarming is your fiancé’s treatment of animals, because if they behave so aggressively towards another living thing, there’s little to keep them from turning that behavior on you and I think it goes without saying that holding a gun to you, no matter the circumstance, is a behavior that is inexcusable and makes us worry for your welfare, as well as his if he can become that unstable. We strongly encourage you to contact our confidential, 24/7 Support and Information Line so we can go over these things with you and perhaps do some safety planning and take care of your well-being. We’re totally non-judgmental and our only objective is to keep you safe. That number is (916) 920-2952 and we strongly encourage you to call us as soon as possible so we can discuss your situation and the most appropriate way to move forward for you, your partner and any other parties involved. Until then, be safe and take care of yourself – we’re only a phone call away! 

I have a restraining order against my husband, we own a mobile home, he moved out like 8 months ago and I have been making the checks under my name to pay for the space rent. This month they didn’t want to take my payment because they said that my husband is the main occupant and since he just went and told them he doesn’t live there anymore they can’t take my payment. Is this considered harassment? My kids don’t want me to report it if it’s consider harassment. Don’t know what to do

Hi, and thanks for taking the time to reach out to us with everything that’s going on.

It sounds like you went about things the correct way: getting a restraining order, getting the move-out order and continuing to pay the bills as usual. While it may have been helpful for the rental company to know about the situation beforehand, there are protections afforded to you because of the abuse, and the fact you did follow protocol will be helpful going forward. We thing the most useful thing for you to do would be to contact the Renter’s Helpline – they should have specific information as to how you should proceed, given your unique situation. The Renter’s Helpline phone number is: (916) 389-7877. Hopefully, they’ll have the exact information you’ll need. Also, feel free to call us on our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line where there’s always an advocate to speak with you and get you further resources. Our Support Line number is (916) 920-2952. 

Are boyfriends with charges of domestic violence allowed to move into girlfriend house with a small child not relative? 

What should I do?? 

Hi! Thanks for reaching out to us on the message board.

There are a number of factors that may effect how we’re able to answer this question. Typically, if the charges aren’t related to the girlfriend he’s moving in with and her child, there shouldn’t be a problem. If there’s a history or abuse with that girlfriend and/or that child, there could be an issue with both the law and CPS, as the expectation from CPS would be that you’re able to keep the child out of an abusive environment or witnessing that sort of thing. Also, if it’s a condition of that boyfriend’s parole or otherwise a stipulation on his record, that could be an issue. The best thing to do would be to contact the law enforcement agency where his charges stem from. Here are the non-emergency numbers to Sacramento Police Department: (916)264-5471 and Sacramento Sheriff’s Department: (916)874-5115. Child Protective Services may be another good resource for any questions you may have. Their number is (916)875-KIDS (5437). As always, you can always call our confidential 24/7 Support and Information Line with any further questions you may have or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss. That number is (916)920-2952. I hope we were able to at least answer some of your question, but don’t hesitate to reach out to one of our advocates for more clarity 

Is the safe house full?  Thanks for reaching out! It’s difficult to answer your question here, because that changes day to day, moment to moment. While one day we may be full, the next there could be three openings as people leave or transition on. The best way to get the most up to date information is to call us on our 24/7 Support Line at (916)920-2952. There’s always an advocate there to take your call and they will have the most up to date information about our Safehouse and its capacity.  
My partner and I have a 2 year old son together a house together have been together for 3 years and in that time he’s beat me down so much calling me a liar and a cheat saying our son wasn’t his I even paid for a private dna test to prove other wise it’s only when he gets really drunk he’s like this but it’s extreme he has stopped saying pour sons not his cause he know he is his but we had a fight 3months ago and kicked me and my 2 year old out at 2am he was very aggressive at this point but he spent a few days drinking sending a few threats about custody and then backed down saying we’d discuss it see what suited me it’s like you could see him sober up without actually seeing him he spent 2months of the drink and decided one night a few weeks ago he was going out with the lad out of the blue and I just thought it’s only a matter of time and I was right we both know neither of us are happy so why is it so hard for me just to pack up and walk away a few years ago I wouldn’t dare let any one treat me like this I know it’s wrong like he is lovely someone’s times but when he’s drunk he’s horrible and I would hate my son to turn out the same way so why is it so hard to just let go and move on from someone so cruel.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are very sorry you’re going through this and although it seems overwhelming, reaching out to WEAVE is a really good start. No one deserves that kind of treatment from anyone, especially from an intimate partner. To better understand and help guide you through your situation, we would encourage you to call one of our advocates on our Support and Information Line. It is available 24/7 and there is always a live advocate there to assist you and it can even be confidential if you like! Please feel free to give us a call at (916)920-2952. We are here to help you in any way that we can. We wish the best for you and hope to hear from you soon.

Please I’m asking for help not so much of myself I only have a few scrapes and possibly braces but I’m fine I’ve been through worse when I’m mostly worried about is my boyfriend’s mood and how it’s been up-and-down lately and I figured out why after reading his taxes I was pretty calm but he wasn’t as I was reading them again getting violent I don’t want the police involved I don’t want to go through court again I just want to leave I won’t know how to get him to leave so that he’ll be safe if he can go on with his life and please let me go on with mine every time they go he means to get it he manages to get a lawyer which I can’t afford I’m the person with the brain injury so I was look like I’m lying in its immediate both people go to jail which is my biggest fear because of medications that I’m on for a TBI I’m not even upset at what I wrote I’m upset at While I was reading it maybe I didn’t have a ride but I had a bad guy and I was right about most of what I read all I wanted him with do was to be honest and he can’t buy means that we’re not meant to be together and I want to leave and move on with my life it’s been nothing but trouble since I’ve been here and it was a mistake moving back here please help. Please help He controls everything as I am trying to put in my phone number right now and he will prevent me from doing everything and everything just to control my life and you read a psychopath use the exact example of it and then the other path I think he is the nicest person in the world I am confused and I don’t know what to believe but I don’t know what I just read and he is a complete liar I want nothing to do with him and I want him out of my life. 

We’re sorry you’re going through so much right now. It certainly seems overwhelming, but reaching out to WEAVE was an awesome start and shows how strong and resilient you are. Keep up that strength and we’ll do whatever we can to help you get safe, get healthy and be free.

I’m sorry your boyfriend is having such a tough time, but nothing gives him, or anyone else, the right to hit or abuse you. People go through terribly difficult stuff everywhere, everyday, but they manage not to hurt someone else, so please know you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

There are several options and possibilities for where we could go from here, whether that be finding you a safe, stable place to stay, perhaps getting a Domestic Violence Restraining Order against your boyfriend (they’re free in the state of California!) or just discussing what you would like your next step to be – this is the moment you get to start taking back control of your life! To better understand your situation and to start helping you do whatever it is you decide to do, it would be best to call one of our advocates on the Support and Information Line. It’s available 24/7, there’s always a live advocate there to assist you and it can even be confidential if you like! Give us a call at (916)920-2952 and let’s get started on whatever and wherever you’d like to go from here! We’ll look forward to hearing from you. Until then, be safe and stay strong! 

I have a son with my boyfriend he’s almost a year old and I don’t want to leave my boyfriend because I want our family together but I can’t do it. He fights with me all the time. Always puts me down. We live together. I just don’t know how to leave.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. This must be extremely frustrating and scary for you. We would encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an advocate. The advocate can help provide you with referrals to resources you may find helpful, including shelter and housing, group/individual counseling and legal support. We are here to support you in any way that we can. 

I’m pretty sure my husband’s trying to kill me and then make it look like anything but murder…the gas lighting is over the top…He belongs to a group of business men who have their own way of…looking victorious in court with no alimony to pay…I moved away from him in 2014. I let the cat out of the bag and it only turned up the heat…1,000%. He’s ruined my credit. I had impeccable credit for over 30 years. You’d be shocked at the lengths this man will go to not have to pay me a dime after 29 yrs…he kept a few boxes of sodium chloride in syringes. And other things. I also found adrenaline in liquid form in tiny vile. My feet are so swollen and I have a rash and he is going to walk in here any minute…He gets money from VA and county but he hides it from me. He told me to go say I’m crazy and get money too. I don’t have health insurance. In 2013 or 14. He accidentally poisoned people at his job with drain opener he got from a plumber in small amount. We didn’t have any clogged drains at the time. In 1997 he was arrested for solicitation for murder…I sat through the most painful court trial. He was given lesser charges. I was never apologized. He is a car salesman/manager 48 yrs in the business he knows a ton of shady people. I’m scared… I have so many pets… he says he won’t leave. What do I do? I moved here and have no friends. He chased my friend off who helped me with my rescued animals. I have no income right now. My husband made way more money and he hides his money with guys in same business. I have to get away because he will kill me or get me in some legal trouble I feel him getting more and more desperate every day.  Please help me. (Edited for length.) 

Wow, there’s a lot to unpack there. We hope you’re keeping safe and out of any shenanigans your husband may be trying to stir up involving you. We have so many questions for you: how are you feeling with your living situation? What would be the ideal living situation for you? Do you think you’d be able to stay safe in a Safehouse or shelter here in Sacramento or would you prefer to move back to SoCal where you’re originally from? Is a restraining order a possibility or would your husband treat it like just another piece of paper? With all the questions and possibilities at hand, we strongly urge you contact one of our advocates at our confidential 24/7 Support Line. They will be able to answer your questions and go more in depth about the possibilities that are available, as well as do some much needed safety planning. Your welfare is our primary interest and we hope you’ll find the time to call us soon at (916)524-7202. Until we speak, please be safe and do everything you can to stay safe, stay sane and stay focused – there is a light at the end of this tunnel, as long as we work together to traverse the darkness.
How am I supposed to react when I see my ex-abusive partner in public or yucking it up with his new girlfriend that he’s told, I’m unstable! I’m avoiding him but for now we live in the same area. I want to scream, you fucker if I see him. I want to ask his girlfriend if he’s told her he has herpes yet!
I really need help knowing how to react to seeing someone I thought loved me treat me like a pile of human garbage to get ride of me and is rationalizing and minimizing the whole relationship that lasted years and his family says”Well you stayed!” 

We understand your pain and we’re glad you’re reached out to us before causing a scene out in public! With ex-partners that were abusive, it’s pretty safe to assume that they’re going to lie about you and your relationship, as the truth would only make them look terrible and his family was probably never going to be much of an ally of yours, considering they probably are obligated to support their own relative and while we wish our EXs would vanish into thin air or move to Inner Mongolia when our relationship is over, that’s just not a realistic goal in life or any way to deal with the trauma and issues they’ve left us with. The good news is that while you’ve had all these negative thoughts and impulses towards your Ex, you’ve never acted on them, which already shows that you are a more evolved individual. While we can never make things that have transpired all puppy dogs and rainbows, there are resources here at WEAVE that can help you create some really effective coping mechanisms and help you gain perspective on the relationship so that the only validation you need is your own. Call us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line, and an advocate will be happy to start you on that process and will even help you take the healing process further if you want. Advocates are always there for you when you need them, however you need them, so call (916) 920-2952 and let’s talk it out so you won’t have to scream it out later! 

Where do I get real help to get away from my abusers if the police don’t do anything no one listens and the shelter said they would help and do all of these things to ensure me and my daughter’s safety yet he is still abusing me and has now taken my children? I’ve reached out so very far what do I do?

Please please where do I look to help he’s gonna kill me he already has taking everything and beating me into the ground so far emotionally he is a physiological murder please help me before I die

I’m sorry things have gotten so dire at home, but we’re glad you found the time to reach out to us. 

While there are limitations to what law enforcement can do in the moment, one surefire way to ensure your safety, or at very least give law enforcement the power to intervene, would be to obtain a Domestic Violence Restraining Order at the Family Courthouse. They are free in the state of California, there are free workshops every Monday, Wednesday and Friday where they will help you fill out the paperwork and within the paperwork you can request things like a “move out” order for the perpetrator, financial assistance, include other effected family members and a number of other things, plus if there are any future issues with the abuser, the restraining order would show law enforcement that there is a history of issues and a solid reason that person should not be near you, let alone harming you. For more information on this and other ways to safety plan and assist you through your ordeal, call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at (916) 920-2952 and one of our advocates can help you and get whatever information or resources you need. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do whatever you can to stay safe, In the event he does get violent again, call 911 – they may not have been able to give you the help you needed before, but they’re still the best folks to keep you safe and keep things from escalating further. We wish the best for you and hope to hear from you soon.

My husband is a mental abuser. He plays head games, and dangerous if he doesn’t get what he wants. There has been no separation, or divorce papers filed. He has cut off money to help support the household. He buys what he wants to eat and nothing else. We have 4 small dogs, one with a heart condition and on an exspensive medication, he will not help feed them or care for them. He feels this is a way to control me. Would I be in trouble if I sold some of our household items to get the money for these things? Please help!  I need to get out, but only recieve a small amount of Social Security, and could never support our animals, or myself on it.

We’re so sorry you have to endure all this on your own, but glad that you’ve reached out so that perhaps we could help support you and offer you the assistance and resources you need to get back to living life without fear and on your own terms.

There are many possible options and steps that we could take to help make sure you are able to take care of yourself, your pets and not be at the mercy of your husband’s whims or greed. While your belongings are shared and the State of California has very specific rules when it comes to property held within a marriage, it may be best to discuss the legal specifics of that with someone in our legal department so that you don’t do anything that could potentially reflect negatively upon you somewhere down the road. 

Also, the sum, however small, you get from Social Security should never be the obstacle that stands in the way of your happiness. There are a variety of resources and possibilities available to us, we just need to figure out which would best serve you. Because there are a few different directions we could go, it’s probably best that you call our 24-hour Support Line and discuss those options with one of our advocates. The number is (916) 920-2952 and advocates will be there to take your call, no matter what time of day you’re able to make it. They will have the resources to help both you, and the furry members of your family. Also, they can help hook you up with our legal line for your other questions. Sometimes the hardest part is reaching out for help, but now that you have, hopefully we can continue this journey together and get you the help and services you need. We look forward to hearing from you…

It’s been almost 3 years that I transitioned from a victim to a survivor. About 7 months ago I started a new relationship with a friend/ precious lover. It’s not been easy bc I have a daughter with my abusive ex, but nonetheless, my bf has been here for me. Sometimes I fall into my dark past. How do other survivors move on and care for a new partner when the past can be so dark and consuming?  Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so happy to hear you are no longer in an abusive relationship and you are now a survivor. We also applaud you for recognizing that sometimes you still deal with the “dark past” which can be trauma, especially if you are sharing custody with your abusive ex, your trauma can be triggered at times. We are happy to hear that you have a supportive partner now who respects you. Trauma can last for a long time or even when you are in a new romantic relationship and it can be hard to navigate if you don’t have the right tools and support. One of those tools can be counseling, did you receive counseling after you left your abusive ex? If you did or not, it’s never too late to start counseling services again.  Here at WEAVE we offer counseling services to survivors of domestic violence, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about our counseling services.

Hello I don’t have a phone right now because he took it so this is the only way I able to contact you. I’m in a terrible situation and I’m on permanent disability. I need to find myself some shelter because I have no place to go because of my domestic situation. I need to get out asap. So can I or do you have anything available for me to go for a while or cheap housing available because I’m on limited income. I’m want to file for a divorce my life is a mess and I need help. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you are experiencing this with your husband. Please know that if it gets to the point that your life is in danger you can and should contact law enforcement. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. We understand you would like us to reach out to you through your email, but due to confidentially issues we can’t. Do you have any neighbors or friends that might let you use their phone in order to call out?

We would love to talk to you, please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and keep you safe.

My ex cut his arm in a threat to get back with me. He admitted himself to the ER and told police I did it. I have messages of him threading to harm himself and a picture he sent to me after he did it. Am I liable or can I get into any trouble for this?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing blackmailing from him in order to get back with you. Has he filed a police report naming you the abuser? Unfortunately, without more information it’s hard to provide you with a correct answer. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you would like to talk to an advocate about what you are experiencing or get connected to resources. If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944.

I’m worried that my ex, who was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive towards me, is doing things to his current girlfriend in front of our five year old daughter. What are the signs to watch out for? I know that his girlfriend is no longer living with him and I’m worried that he may be psychologically abusive towards our daughter or her 13 year old half sister.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. You might also want to contact your local Police Department and ask for a welfare check if you suspect abuse. It may be beneficial to speak with one of advocates who may help support you and give you guidance. Our 24/7 Support and Information Line is 916-920-2952.

Hi, I have two children with my ex boyfriend. He’s never actually hit me but has always had a terrible temper and been very degrading. I wonder if he has a psychiatric issue that causes such violent mood swings. I have sole custody of the children but I do let him visit; this week he was a no show and when I called he flipped out. He always says that wishing something bad would happen to me isn’t wrong, so I don’t even know if this constitutes abuse? So an example from this episode: cussing me out, calling me a b, c, hoping I get hit by a car, saying he will get someone to beat the s*** out of me, etc. (And this is tame compared to what he usually says when he’s angry) Unfortunately I’m used to it, but it’s just getting to the point where I wonder if text messages are enough to get a restraining order? He never uses the phone to avoid making “threats” and says texts can’t be used against him, so I feel like I’m stuck dealing with this for the rest of my life…

With everything going on in your life, thanks for reaching out for help – it’s a step many find is one of the hardest to take, but now that you have, we’re here to help provide you with help however we can.

There are many forms of abuse other than physical and just because they don’t leave scars on the outside, doesn’t mean that they are any less serious or deserve less attention. No one deserves to be spoken to the way you have been, psychiatric issues or not, and you deserve the ability to live your life as you wish, without shame or degradation and with the respect due to all of us as human beings. Also, I’m sure the last thing you want is for your kids to see that as an example of how people should treat one another. You don’t have to feel stuck. From talking to you about how the things said  make you feel to assistance in filing a restraining order and the support to get through the subsequent hearing, there are advocates and resources that can be there to support you all along the way. When you get a chance, call us at (916) 920-2952 and we can work together on how best to free you from the shackles of your ex-boyfriend’s abuse. That phone number is to our 24-Hour Support Line and you’re always welcome to call if you have questions, need help finding resources or just need to talk. We hope to hear from you soon.

My boy lives in with me and is very abusive I filed a police report today and the police told me I could get a protection order but I had to give him an eviction notice to leave what can i do to get him out now We are so sorry that you are having to experience this and want you to know we are here for you. Thank you for reaching out for help and know that you are very brave in making this step toward safety for yourself. In order to remain safe, I would suggest requesting an order of protection as well as having a civil standby from law enforcement should you choose to serve an eviction notice. While I am not aware of the specifics of the law regarding evictions or what you can do immediately, we have a legal department here at WEAVE that you can call to ask the specifics regarding this situation. Please feel free to give our 24-hour support and information line a call as well where you can speak to a peer counselor any time for support. Our legal department’s voicemail is (916) 319-4944 and our support line number is (916) 920-2952.

How do I make a call on my abuser who I know has a warrant and he just ran into me and I’m pregnant and he kicked me in the stomach

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are very sorry that you experienced this. We know it must’ve been scary for you. Please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue and give you some guidance on how to safely go about making that report.

My wife is controlling to the extent of postulant superiority. As a result, she is verbally and physically abusive at times in order to get what she wants. Knowing I am physically superior, could face criminal consequence in relation, and will refrain from returning her gestures of abusive control. The physical abuse is not my main concern, as gestures of self-defense (Clearly but debatable not an offensive positioning to strike or inflict damage) in response are often seen as forceful and will end the attack. But her verbal abuse extends to using our children as weapons against me. She even calls them names, communicates her desire to want to kill in general as a result of their insolence. Often screaming, cursing, and making gestures of physical attack in my direction. She also tells them things that are offensive and untruthful just to hurt me. But in reality her words are detrimental to the children’s well-being, happiness, and sense of security. She has even threatened to end my life by personally killing me herself, having me killed, or the suggestion that my life will soon be ending while I sleep. I have recorded many of these conversations and she knows it. It makes her irate. Most likely because she realizes that what she is doing is wrong and she lacks the control to stop.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you and your children. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Based on what you shared it seems you are in a domestic violence marriage and it should be taken very seriously, since your life and your children’s life’s can be in danger. It seems that your wife might have anger problems and an outburst can have terrible consequences. There are several things for you to consider, in case you want to leave the marriage and/or you want to stay and we would like to talk to you about them. Please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you would like to talk to an advocate about what you are experiencing or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of counseling services as well.

My ex fiancé has been abusive in every way. When I was at work he emptied out our apartment, threw all my things away, changed the locks and subletted to someone (I wasn’t allowed on lease). He took off with our 2 children (both under 4), filed a totally false restraining order for the 2nd time and has friends actively trying to kill me. I got my kids back and was living in my car with them but I ran out of gas and because the tags were expired the police impounded it. The car is registered to my ex and he would get it out or any of the few belongings I had in there, even when I offered to pay. I am on the streets, he has our babies. He got my cal works and snap canceled saying the kids don’t live with me. He told me he isn’t going to let me see our children anymore. I can’t let him take my babies away. He has said many times he never wanted them, is cruel and ignores them. He does drugs and so do the people he lives with. I have no money, clothes, shoes that fit or and id or way to get anywhere. What can I do to get my babies back and us safe?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have lost your housing and your children; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your children.

I was wondering if my boyfriend has a no violent contact order with me, if he only makes me take my shirt and shoes off and has his fist in the air is that considered violent contact. Does the judge have to place a no contact order on us?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, however, we aren’t sure of the question you are asking, please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  If you would like to talk to an advocate about your relationship and find out if you are in fact in a domestic violence relationship, please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

If a couple were in the shelter system, left out, then got a dv case, but it eventually was dismissed, can they enter back into the nyc family shelter system

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am not sure how the NYC family system operates and what their rules and regulations are pertaining to a dismissed domestic violence case. If you would like to receive information about resources in the NYC area, please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue.

I have been left homeless by my younger sister after moving from N.J. to ca to be with her and have a better life! I’ve been in shelters in nursing home right now but have to leave I’ve blocked my sister from torturing text messages! She promised me help then reneges! Her husband who is a dr 25 yrs older than her keeps her away from me and then she attacks me more! I’ve been physically and mentally sick to the point of almost killing myself! I want my belongings she took from me and help with the housing she promised! I have an income and looking for a job but you can’t do that in a nursing home! If I don’t get out pretty soon they will take all my money and my life is already bad but then it will

Be over! She even texted me the obituary of the molester that abused me and another sister when we were kids she is going to kill me mentally if I don’t get help!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this with your sister; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. We would encourage you to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an advocate. The advocate can help provide you with referrals to resources you may find helpful, including shelter and housing and group/individual counseling. To find out more about our counseling services, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Ive been trying to leave my abusive relationship but Everytime I call the police this is my third time I have taken him to court to get full custody of my kids they let him go I’m scared and I don’t know if I’ll ever be free?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. This must be extremely frustrating for you. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I am trying to finish school and my husband physically hurts me. I literally have two semesters left and I am almost 50 years old. Tonight he grabbed me by my neck and pushed me down he threw dog toys at me from the upstairs hitting me in the head my question is if I go to the hospital do they contact the police?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you experienced this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Medical professionals are court mandated reporters so it is up to their discretion as to whether or not they would report the abuse to law enforcement, depending on the severity. As WEAVE Advocates, we can also be there with you in the hospital or during a law enforcement interview to provide you emotional support. We would also encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

How can I get help with housing? I’ve lost everything

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have experienced losing everything; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. If the reason you have lost everything is related to domestic violence we might be able to assist you. We have an emergency safe shelter for survivors of domestic violence, as well as other programs, including case management and counseling. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safe shelter program and other available programs – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you.

My boyfriend’s brother is very abusive when he doesnt get his way or doesnt like how someone responds to his behavior. Yesterday he choked me and i filed a report with the police. I asked about if i can file a pfa against him and they told me to call a hotline for womens abuse or whatever. I called this morning and they didnt give me any information. I would like to know if i can file a pfa against him. I live with my boyfriend, his brother, and his mother but we are moving out on monday due to the way his brother is and the fact that his mom does nothing to help she just takes his side.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you experienced this and we want to do everything we can to help you. There is legal help at Family Justice Center at 3701 Power Inn Rd inside Sacramento County Child Support Building Monday-Friday, 9 AM -12 Noon and 1 PM -4:30 PM. There is also help available at the Victims of Crime Resource Center at McGeorge School of Law and their number is 800-VICTIMS. Both organizations help service victims of crime. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to more resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex got a SOP, his family is friends with the judge. She recused herself after the ruling. Our case has been transferred. He asaulted me and my 4 yr old. We moved to a different city. The order states I have to move back, but the state is prosecuting him we found out after the ruling. I won’t move back, I’m terrified of him. What can I do to protect my child and myself from being in contempt.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. We understand that this must be a very difficult time and hard to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. We are very sorry you are going through this. Have you and your daughter been seen by medical to make sure you guys are okay?  Weave has many services and if you are located in Sacramento WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. There is also help at the Family Justice Center at 3701 Power Inn Rd inside Sacramento County Child Support Building Monday-Friday, 9 AM -12 Noon and 1 PM -4:30 PM. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952 so that we can try to get more information on the situation and if you are not in Sacramento we can still provide support and referrals.

What happens if the victim of a domestic violence case refuses to tell the police their version of the story? My girlfriend and I got into a verbal argument that got physical. She hit me in the face the first time 30 mins prior to the 911 call. After the first hit she hit me again in the chest and out of instinct I hit her back on the arm. She freaked out and called 911. She talked to someone for a few seconds then continued to argue with me. I ended up walking away from it all and she hung up the phone and drove away. Days later while I’m at work the police stop by the house and talk to her about the incident. She told them the truth of what had happened and how she hit me first and where she hit me. She also told them how I struck her back in the arm. Now the police want to talk to me. I’ve never had a DV before either. Whatever happens I can’t afford to somehow get myself in trouble by not cooperating. Can I get in trouble if I refuse to talk to police when in her version of the story I’m the victim? What are my options here? [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Based on what you shared it seems that you and your girlfriend might be in a co-combative relationship which can escalate and can get one or both of you into legal problems with the law. If you chose to stay together you might consider reaching out for help and counseling. On the other note, since you are asking legal questions, if you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Does domestic violence only pertain to husband or boyfriends? Can it be a room mate and her boyfriend/brother? I am being mentally abused by her and her brother came at me in a jealous rage. He did not make contact with me but was enough to make me afraid for me and my girls. we need to get out as soon as possible but don’t have the means to do so. She wants us out in 3 weeks and I think her brother will get physical if I cant leave. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and we want to do everything we can to help you. Domestic violence is not an issue that only occurs within personal/romantic relationships, it can occur between family and community members. We refer to violence that occurs within a romantic relationship as “Intimate Partner Violence”. It sounds like you are in a very volatile situation that is no longer safe for you, and we think you should call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, so we can assess your situation further and provide you with resources to help you get out of this situation. It is not ok for someone to be intimidating you, and making you and your family feel unsafe. 

What services do you provide to victims who have been in situations of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing? Do you have people who come out who know sign language? Do they understand Deaf culture? Or do you call out to interpreting services? 

I am writing a paper for my Deaf Studies class at Sacramento State. I am interested as a Hard of Hearing person there is already a break down in communication with that in mind a traumatic experience like domestic violence or sexual assault and deepens the issue. Many Deaf people have issues because there is not a lot of counselors or trained professionals who know ASL. Thus having to have interpreter the Deaf person loses that one on one connection with the counselor because they have to be focused on the counselor. Also, noting that if the counselor either talks to fast or uses terms that the interpreter may not understand the also weakens the communication bond. I am interested to know how your organization helps people who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing? X
 

Thanks for your great question! All of our services and programs are available to survivors and community members who are Deaf and Hard of Hearing, and WEAVE is working to increase provision of services to survivors with access barriers, including Deaf and Hard of Hearing survivors. We have improved our staff and volunteer training opportunities related to serving survivors with disabilities, and have created an Access Advocate and Counselor position to focus on improving survivor access, providing training, and building community partnerships with agencies that serve people with access needs.  

For our counseling, residential, and advocacy programs, our best practice method is to have in-person sign language interpretation in the survivor’s preferred language for any service we provide to Deaf or Hard of Hearing survivors. We have contracts with accredited interpretation services for this purpose. Unfortunately, we don’t currently have any employees who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing or who are proficient in sign language. We have been working to develop a partnership with NorCal Services for Deaf and Hard of Hearing to provide culturally-based support to Deaf or Hard of Hearing survivors who access our services. NorCal has an awesome program called DeafSAFE in which they employ Deaf or Hard of Hearing advocates who are trained in providing support to survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and sex trafficking from the perspective of someone within the Deaf and Hard of Hearing community. 

Our Community Education program asks about accessibility needs for the audience when we do presentations in the community, and are happy to provide accommodations so that everyone has access to our information. We’re working on getting subtitled ASL video versions of many of our frequently used documents and informational handouts to put on our website or use during in-person meetings so that they will be available in the most accessible format for those who use ASL or prefer reading captions. We can also provide in-person interpretation services during our presentations if requested.

WEAVE hopes to continue to improve access to services and increase culturally-competent, trauma-informed, survivor-centered services available to all people living in Sacramento County. X

I’m realizing I’m trauma bonded. Even though we are living far apart it’s affected me physical mentally and today for the third time I had symptoms of a heart attack. I’m embarrassed. My community doesn’t have this resource I’m too ashamed to ask for help, I’m just now realizing ….where do I begin?

 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced this. We can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. It may be beneficial to speak with one of our advocates through our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. We also offer a Free WEAVE Triage Assessments for counseling available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

My husband has grabbed me and thrown me to the ground during an argument – three separate times. Does this constitute as abuse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Based on what you shared it sounds like you have experienced domestic violence with your husband. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

Can my mother keep me away from my father’s funeral if she is the one who was no contact? My wife and kids were the victims not me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can reached my adult children to stop the alienation coming from my ex-husband. We have been divorce for about 12 yeas now. The abuse was horrific. During our marriage he would do or say things to have the children see me as less than him. When I finally woke up , I decided to make the divorce as adaptable for my children as I could. This meant not speaking negatively about their father. My 2 older children were adults they expressed support for me at first. Then their father got involved with it they would not even call me regularly. I thought well all my children are grown maybe I would share with them but that wont do nothing but cause more hurt. So is there something I can do to get them to see their actions may look like they are supporting their dad but they are really cooperating with their dad to continue abuses me maybe not to the same extend in the marriage but definitely a psychological. I wont never get to relive my son wedding be able to see him walk through the door cause I was all the way in the back or dance with his wife. But at least maybe there is something I can do to stop my ex from causing me to miss out on other happy event [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. We are so sorry that you are still experiencing that form of abuse with your ex-husband, we can only imagine how upsetting it must still be for you. Based on what you shared, it seems that your ex-husband might have brainwashed your children as well. You have done everything right it seems, since you are being the bigger person. Unfortunately, he continues to hurt you and harm you even though you are divorced. Unfortunately, your children can make decisions on their own since they are adults, in case you would want to share the abuse you suffered with their father. But it is your story and it is your decision. If you don’t want to divulge such abuse, you could also ask to speak to them in person and let them know you are hurt by their actions and you would like to be part of their families. As for you, have you considered speaking to a counselor? Here at WEAVE, we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources.

my son is located in Rancho Cordova, california, as far as I know… I was kicked out of our home with no income or employment. i have been living in my car… my sons dad and I had agreed on him working while I prepared our son for school and started school for myself. we were never married but we were engaged and had a marriage license. things just fell apart. I struggle with depression, and anxiety and PTSD due alot in part to this entire situation, but also 2 years ago my mom died and I was a wreck. The first thing my ex said was “oh great now shes gonna cause problems with us”

He was insensitive about the entire situation, my mom was my best friend and my son loved her so much. I got no support from him and it didnt take long before he complained that I wasnt tryna putting any effort into our relationship because I never wanted to go out to dinner, I had really no interest in anything anymore because of my depression. Everything has been snowballing for me ever since then. I lost my job. Got evicted. Moved back in with my ex with an agreement (oral, not written) that we would work together on our relationship with professional help. But he never followed through with his side of the agreement, he didnt add my name to our new lease, then he got me kicked out. Immediatel following my leaving our apartment, my dad who still stayed there told me that my ex had a new girlfriend and she was staying there at night already

That’s where I’m stuck now…I am at a point where I need an attorney to represent me by may 15th, I need help to get through the emotional damage the last 2 years have caused me. And I need to prove that I deserve to be in my sons life whether I am employed or not. He has the advantage and that’s mostly money related.. please help [Content edited for length]

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your concerns. We understand that this must be very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. WEAVE has legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within five business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. There is also help at the Family Justice Center at 3701 Power Inn Rd inside Sacramento County Child Support Building Monday-Friday, 9 AM -12 Noon and 1 PM -4:30 PM. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue and also get you connected to counseling services. To find out more about our counseling services, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

DV escapee. I’m out and safe however, now I need to take care of my mail. I can’t forward it because he will get notified of the change when the post office sends confirmation to the house. I currently have it on hold to allow time to figure this out. I don’t know how much they cost but a PO might not be an option due to lack of funds. What do I do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand how upsetting and scary this situation must be for you and we want to do everything we can to support you. There is a program called “Safe at Home” that may be of help to you, it provides people with a safe PO Box where they can retrieve their mail. To get more information about this program, please call our business line and speak to reception at 916.448.2321. And if you need any more support or resources, do not hesitate to call 916.920.2952 to speak to crisis counselors. We are here for you. 
I am trying to learn why such loyalty to my husband to the point I’m trying to tell my adult son about my husbands abuse and he tells my husband what I say. My husband use to scream and yell and say things out loud that weren’t true but it would run me off I left my son there because he was in high school and already had changed schools twice. Plus I didn’t suspect my husband of being gay or bisexual at that time but I see signs of it now. 
It appears my husband not his father has too much control over my son. My husband once a year goes to see his own son who live an hour away. Something not right here. I know my husbands a narcissist but so is my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your marriage. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My domestic partner picked me up and held me against a wall, because “I pushed him to the limits” and that “I made him have to restrain me to make me FINALLY listen” because, I went to my workout room to… tah dah… workout to try to make sense of what emotions I was feeling and why I felt so strongly. He pinned me up against the wall, a struggle ensued, and I got out of the room to get my phone. There were angry and defensive words exchanged he took my phone told me that, “I had no receipt for it, so it wasn’t mine”(this is the third phone he offered and did replaced because he destroyed out of outbursts like this), and proceeded to destroy it and my SIM card (for the service I pay for). He told me to get out of HIS house. I would have to wake neighbors up in the middle of the night in order to use a phone and leave my dogs with him. I was not willing to put my dogs in danger, so I refused to leave. He got physical again. This time, he knocked and held me down on the ground with his whole body on top of mine as I went into the master bathroom to gather some things for work in order to have some sort of contingency plan in case he opened the door for the dogs to run out to get me out of the house long enough to change the door code (we have a code that he puts in place instead of keys). He told me “I was luck that he didn’t smack the shit out of me. I was nothing but a stupid cunt.,” and, yet again, “I make him restrain me”(He records certain instances to try to make a case work out in his favor if I were to ever go the the police). What should I do? I only have a couple of fresh bruises and scrapes on me elbow, upper arm, and knuckle from him holding me down. I have a trusted person that has pictures from the last time he drank too much and poured a bottle of whiskey over me, while holding me down, and choked me out. I had to go to the doctor the next morning and covered for how I got the injuries, but they were confirmed in a report. They were so severe that I had to miss work for almost two weeks. Once again, I did not report either of these things, but he is kicking me out. I have already pre paid for next month, but he said I had no proof because I’ve paid him everything in cash. What should I do?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence. That is no easy task and takes immense courage. Disclosing such personal information can be extremely scary. We would recommend that you report those incidents of abuse to law enforcement, as it would provide documentation of his behavior. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with legal support, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. We would also encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

Hello I’m a Women Female since Yeats
Abuse this Husband cant and don’t will
Stop Holding me Here aganced Not my will I’m Not here with my Free will He thinks he got the right to great me like 
Shit he is mental and insulting don’t let me go

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are glad you reached out. However we are not sure what you are asking. If you are in immediate danger and/or you are being held against your will you can call 911 if it’s safe to do, if you have any other questions you can contact their non-emergency line at 916.264.5471. The abuse you might be experiencing must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid but Law enforcement is here to assist you and to keep you safe. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you, as well as going over safety planning.

My husband and I have been together a total of 3 years, in January we split up for a weekend and I invited a friend over, well my expectations we to watch a movie but when I went to the bathroom he got naked in my bedroom, then my husband Face Timed me and saw a shadow and I told this friend to leave, don’t answer to me or call me anymore it won’t be me it will be a set up. He ask if we can talk I’m like yes I’ll meet u so he gets in my car we’re talking he said let’s just go home so on my way there he pulls the gun out and says take me to this man’s house. I have no idea where he lives and he’s blocked my number so he tells me to find him in Snapchat. When he comes over my husband want me to give him a hug make sure he had no gun and invite him upstairs so was compliant then he comes in the room pulls the gun, tells him to strip, beats him with a mouse bottle, a metal bottle of glass cleaner and the victim’s own belt. Meanwhile he has me record everything then I calmed him down after an hour and tell him let’s let him go home it’s done I won. A week went by I couldn’t go in my room I barely slept and my husband and his ex were calling my job he posted x rated videos of him and I on the internet and was giving my phone number out. So I left work called the police they took pictures of all the bruises on me. My room with blood in it and then I felt bad cause I love third man, I wasn’t supposed to call the police on him. I just feel like this is the only way I can help him. Was I wrong to call the police and get him arrested? [edited for length and content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your marriage and the other man.

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking since it seems the other man was a victim of you and your husband. If that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

My sister in law began dating a married man who is separated, but is now divorced from his 2nd wife. The SIL has let him, his 10 yr old son from a 2nd marriage, all their stuff and dogs, move in with her and her 21 yrs old daughter. So, I met this new BF 1 time and he mistook me for my SIL’s BOYFRIEND and JEEZ, did his jealous temper come to the surface. After the SIL calmed him down, things quieted down. I suspected that her new BF “had a past.” So I checked with my law enforcement contacts…. that revealed that the BF had attacked his 1st wife, 10 yrs ago with a crowbar, injuring her arm. The 1st wife, finally made the call, and the husband was arrested, jailed and legally punished. Drugs and alcohol and temper were behind all of this.  I told my wife about what I learned and she and I are very concerned but reluctant to tell the SIL/sister about any of it. We fear, she will not believe us, take up for the BF, confront her new live- in BF with it and that could backfire in a bad way for the SIL and her 21 yr old daughter and that he’ll melt down and….. this bad boy may show up pissed, with his crowbar at our front door. Give me some advice here [edited for length].

We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a family member to see your sister-in law getting in unhealthy relationships with men that have a violent or questionable past. It’s difficult to know if she knows about his past and if she is afraid to tell you guys. While we understand why you would want to give her this information, it might not be best since, like you yourself said it could backfire. But we also understand you want to avoid heartache and possibly violence for your sister in law and her daughter. Either way you have to be extremely cautious, perhaps you and your wife can invite her over and let her know you are there for her if anything were to happen, maybe she will confide on you both and tell you if anything has already happened or if she is afraid. We would be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I have been married to my husband 10 years and we were girlfriend boyfriend 10years. He has cheated on me 2x that I know of during our marriage. And blamed me for it. He gets mad at me for not being entertaining enough. He calls me boring lame request me to change my work schedule so he can get sleep. We have 2 kids. The last 2 days he’s been insulting over and over even. He’s been trying to be a better person but when I don’t do something he expects he gets mad. I told him I wanted a break so I can think about how to be better people. He just sleeps at the house he has an “office” he gets ready and has his clothing. Ugh I feel like I’m doing right thing and breaking it off or giving distance yet I feel torned perhaps because he told me I’m breaking up the family it’s me. But when he gets mad he leaves and doesn’t come home toll the next day. I’m rambling. I know I’m not perfect yet I feel distraught. I feel like it verbal and emotional abuse. He’s threaten to hurt me if I date one of his friends ugh need validation.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your marriage, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to an advocate about your experiences or get connected to resources you can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. The advocate can connect you to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management.

I came to Australia and i came to know that my husband has autism which is very seviour even when i m talking to him he doesn’t respond like he us in his own world and his mother is bringing it all on me she thinks that i m making this stuff up she has been shouting on me and stopping me from going out i dont know what do i do because my family is not being supportive at all

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this must be very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner or family member. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. We would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you.

legally, if you have video evidence of what happens when a woman is abusing a guy and trying to get physically violent and making threats, are they then allowed to start fighting back just to stop her? or would the whole ‘guys can’t hit girls for ANY reason’ bias still screw them legally speaking?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It never okay for anyone to physically assault another person, regardless if they are male or female. You may choose to report those incidents along with the video to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of this person’s behavior in the event it happens again. You can also call our 24-hour Support and Information line to speak with an advocate to discuss other options and resources that may be helpful. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. We are here to support you in any way that we can.

What do you do when your disable girlfriend tries to use you in order to move under domestic family violence. If your girlfriend trying to use her disability against my will.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this must be very upsetting and difficult to deal with, and we want you to know it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. It is never okay for anyone to do anything against your will, or without your consent. Without knowing the full extent of the situation, it is difficult for us to provide you with specific support, but we would encourage you to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, to speak with a trained, non-judgmental crisis counselor who can help support you with this issue. Please know we are here for you and want to do everything we can to help you. 

I feel like I have waited way too long… My ex was abusive our entire relationship ( 5 yrs) in every category. We have an almost 5 year old who I stayed at home with up until recently. I had a job for about a year in 2016 but my ex hated the idea.. he bullied me a lot using threats of abandoning me or aggressive intimidation. He has been physical with me on 3 separate occasions and I used self defense each time. +I’m desperate.. i have no family and no friends, i live in my car, i don’t want to look like I’m trying to play the blame game to get my son back, i already look bad in comparison to him, he took all my belongings and threw them in the trash and i have photos of that and of my wounds after the last incident of violence. I’m dealing with a lot of loss and confusion and fear and not seeing my son or talking to him has been slowly killing me… my ex is now refusing to let us stay in contact in any form and is using him as a sort of “pawn” in this. i don’t know where ot start and the fear of losing my son due to my lack of financial stability (because i was dependent on my ex as he had wanted me to be) is keeping me from doing anything, i feel literally stuck.. [Content edited for length]

Additional comments:

i know this was long.. i just feel its all necessary components to get the right help and i have a journal siting it all so i can explain it in the right order to my recollection. i just need to reach out at this point because my son needs me and i cant afford a lawyer, nor do i believe in my son getting anything less than a joint arrangement split 50/50, or even more time with mom because that’s how its been for so long and his dad doesn’t pay much attention or take care of his basic needs, like brushing his teeth, hair, bathing him washing his hair and changing/buying him clothes. i need a miracle,…

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. You may choose to report those incidents of abuse to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior to the courts. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with legal support in helping to start to the process in getting your son back, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. You may also want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling and shelter/housing. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

How do I tell my employer I need emotional help and support to leave abuser?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question.

We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. Disclosing such personal information can be extremely scary, especially to an employer, but if you trust your employer we encourage you to speak to him/her. Perhaps, you may possible ask for a private meeting, away from other co-workers in a place you feel safe and comfortable. If your employer does not know how to help or isn’t sure where to star we encourage you to provide him/her with our our 24/7 Support and Information Line. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information and speak to an advocate. The advocate can connect you to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management.

I believe my next door neighbors have a domestic abuse situation. They have lived next door to me for several years. They moved in before their son was born. Although the husband introduced himself when they moved in and has spoken to me a few times, I haven’t had much contact with the wife. She has generally ignored my attempts to say hello. Over the past year or so I have heard her screaming at her husband. I suspected that she was abusing him. Saturday, however, I heard her scream “I need help and you won’t let me get it!” I decided to call 911, afraid that things might escalate. My husband went into their yard and yelled at them to stop or we would call the police. I was already on the phone with the dispatcher when the wife came out of the house crying and asking me not to call. I told her I couldn’t ignore what was happening. While I was on the phone with 911 she took her son and left in her car. Because she was no longer in the house the police didn’t send a car. The dispatcher said that they would now be in their system. I believe that she returned home yesterday evening, but today both cars are gone. I am very concerned for their little boy. I really don’t see them much outside their house other than when someone gets into a car while I’m outside in our front yard. She used to have long phone conversations out in the driveway, but not so much anymore. 
What should I do going forward? Are there things I should watch for? Should I call if I hear screaming again?

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE with your question. Based on what you shared It’s uncertain to know if your neighbors are in fact in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously, especially if there are children involved. If you continue to hear yelling or screaming you might want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check on them. Also, if you get a chance to see her outside her home and is safe to approach her you might want to let her know you are concerned and provide her with our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where she can call us and talk to an advocate about her marriage or get connected to resources. Besides that, there isn’t much you can personally do unless she is ready to reach out and talk. You can also call our 24/7 Support line and get more information about domestic violence.

My 18 year old son is in an abusive relationship. It doesn’t matter what I say to him. He was arrested over the weekend for domestic violence. His girlfriend is the one abusing him. But she turns it around and makes it look like he did it. He got out of jail and went right back to her. How do you help him?? When he doesn’t see that he is the victim. I am at lost on what to do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your son is experiencing abuse in his relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your son is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. Unfortunately you can’t do much for your son unless he is ready to leave her, make changes and receive counseling services. We will be happy to talk to him if he is open to it, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that he will need to call us for us to talk to him directly. If he is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

I’m on parole in Kansas City Missouri IM Interstate compacted and I was told to report to Liberty check in to let him know that I’m in the batter women shelter I did so and I got a little scared of spooked and they told me to have a seat and I left am I in trouble or do I just go back and report again on Monday

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you are experiencing this.  A report does not necessarily mean you are in trouble however; to gather more information you should contact the local Police department where you were told to report. If you need any additional resources or support you can call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

We know our brother is being abused by his girlfriend; he has no money, no phone, just wants to drink himself to dead. His girlfriend had him convinced she’s going to die, he did leave for a few months but she convinced him to go back home. I’m afraid he’ll be dead within the next few months; she has him convinced we are dead to them, we have no way to communicate. She is taking away his medicine and had bruises coveting his body and we think she is slowly poisoning him to get sympathy, what can we do?

We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you to witness the abuse your brother is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser.  Depending on the age of your brother you might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask for a welfare check or other options. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your brother.

I know someone who has been assaulted by her boss more than one occasion. He threatens her, and makes her look bad at work. Worst part is.. this is law enforcement. When he did hit her it was not at the office. Nobody knows except me. He tells her to come by and hangout with his friends ’show her off’ and get upset when she doesn’t. What can we do? Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. It must be really hard for you to carry around this information. You can safety plan with her and inform her to document what has been happening. There are many questions I have regarding your post and in order to provide more specific assistance that would accommodate her needs its best if you or her could contact us directly. Depending on the support she feels comfortable receiving we would be able to give her information on our services as well as further safety planning to see what her options would be.  Please refer to our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952.

I’m a gay man, my husband filled a order of protection on me because I threw away his meth and his crack. There was no fight or argument. I was removed from my home.

Thank you for reaching out with your question. We are sorry you experience difficulty within your relationship. If you would like some support and resources please call our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952.

Tonight, we got in huge argument. I was lying in the bed and she decides to jump on me choking me and scratched my neck all up. I threw the phone out of frustration and hit her in the head. She started bleeding and went to hospital and got stitches. I took pics of my neck. But never called the police. I won’t call the police in a woman. But the police went to the hospital and made a report from her. Does this mean I’m going to have a warrant? And how come they did not come arrest me after the police left the hospital?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship.  A report does not necessarily mean you have a warrant out for your arrest, you can contact the local Police department where the report was made to gather further information. If you need any additional resources you can call our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I am a male going through a horrible break up. My Ex left me for her boss. Anyway she lied to the police said I body slammed her with my 9 month old in her arms. I was arrested without knowledge the next day her and the police conspired a plan that she would tell me I was getting the kids for the night. She showed up and her dad followed. They weren’t getting out of the vehicles to let my daughter’s out so I walked to the car when two policemen grabbed me and put me in cuffs. Asked me if knew why they were arresting me………………….

[Content edited for length]

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. The situation you are going through sounds like a tough thing to experience. We are sorry that you have to go through this with your ex. This is a very difficult situation that you were put into and it may be beneficial to call our 24/7 support and information line so an advocate can better assist you. 916-920-2952. WEAVE is a Sacramento based organization; however, you will still be able to access our Support Line for Peer Support. We would also suggest calling the Police Department within the jurisdiction to which the crime occurred  to see if they have any additional advice to offer you moving forward. We wish you the best.

My daughter is in a relationship with a very abusive man… He is physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to her and tries to control everything in the relationship… They have been together for about 9 years and have two boys age 3 & 5 and have both witnessed the abuse towards their mother… I have gotten involved many times most recent incident taking place 3/12/18 myself and the police were called. The police told her they have been on many domestic violence calls and it will only get worse. She packed up some stuff for her and the boys and came home with me. I thought for sure that was the end but I was wrong he began calling and texting her telling her he was popping a bunch of pills and was going to kill himself so once again she falls for his manipulation and went back. Long story short now he is trying to move her and the boys out of state away from her family and friends where she will then be totally and completely helpless… I’m trying to get her to open her eyes and see what he is doing before its too late and he kills her or the boys to make her suffer the rest of her life… How can I stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life?? PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! signed a Desperate mother and grandma.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your daughter is experiencing abuse in her relationship and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a mother to witness the abuse your daughter is enduring. Unfortunately, Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser. You have been a great mother to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your daughter unless she is ready to leave him, make changes and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support in the best way you can, and not shame her, even though you know she is in a very dangerous relationship. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information.

My abuser had me arrested for dv. I have in the last two years put him in jail 3 times for dv. He will call message give a sob story I feel bad cause he is on drugs homeless and he call say he is Hungary or he is going to kill himself. This last time he asked me to pick him up bc he was in trouble and going to end his life I went picked him up he was high on meth and drunk he started to choke and hit me while I was driving I pulled the car over telling him to get out he hit me a few more times he laughed smiled and said now I got you bitch your going to jail. He had a scratch on his face from me trying to stop his hits . I took off went home he called the police I didn’t want him in any more trouble well I got arrested for felony dv. I’ve never been arrested ever! Now no victim advocates will help me bc I’m listed as the defendant . This is going to ruin my future and I also have a daughter not with him though. What do I do ? He said he has a black eye on his right side there’s no way when I was on the left. When the cops came they didn’t care nor want to hear my side my bruising showed up a few days later. What do I do I cannot go to prison nor should my future be affected by this arrest

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you are experiencing this. Sounds like a very difficult situation that you were put into. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you with your question, you can call our legal line at 916-319-4944. This number is an automatic VM so you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1-800-799-7233. You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate or get connected to more legal resources.

A parent and child are yelling back in forth. There were no threats involved, or any type f physical contact. The parent takes the child down to the police station because she feels that the son is “out of control”. Can the son be charged with domestic violence for yelling

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. The definition of an intimate partner can include a spouse, or relative that you either have lived with or have been in a relationship with in the past or currently.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously.

 In this case we are unable to provide legal advice however  If you are in the Greater Sacramento Region our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My Mom just threatened me by saying she will stab me with a knife in the eye because i said why are you talking about me because she was talking to my aunt, My aunt didn’t even do anything to help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry you experienced that with your mother, we can only imagine how scary that must have been for you. Do you feel safe and comfortable to speak to law enforcement about the incident or maybe even another family member? You may also find it beneficial to talk with a counselor about what you experienced to process the emotions you may be feeling. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and start the counseling process – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful. We want you to be safe. We are here to help in any way that we can

I just found out from a very close friend that my boyfriend, whom I have been dating for over a year, was once a wife beater! He is super kind to me and often goes overboard trying to accommodate my every whim. I have had some “red flags” when we first started dating, he would at times rage, & raise his voice when he felt offended, sometimes it would come out of nowhere. I am a very happy, wealthy individual who does not need anyone in my life who will bring me down so to speak. I caught him in a lie recently, and he denied the truth and went into a rage, yelling, ranting which scared me! Later crying and apologizing for his actions. Now that I think about it, it appeared like he had no control over his defense mechanism, he point blank stuck to his innocence even though he was caught in a lie!! Lol…. The question is, can a man who abused women in his past do it again? FYI: I have “ghosted” him out of my intuition, something about him doesn’t feel right. I have so much in my life and will not let anyone take advantage of me in the future!! [edited for length]. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We applaud you for recognizing that your current partner may be a perpetrator since you yourself have seen a different side of him at times. Someone can rehabilitate if they accept responsibility for their actions and reach out for assistance in finding the right help and/or resources that can help with his emotional health, so he doesn’t continue his violent behavior. Your boyfriend on the other hand seems unwilling to accept responsibility for his actions and if you fear he can become violent trust your intuition. You can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate and go over safety planning in case you decide to stay or to leave him.

My best friend is willingly returning to her emotionally abusive ex boyfriend and hiding it from me and our other two best friends (we are all roommates). I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship before and can confidently say theirs fits label.In the past year that I’ve known her they broke up at least six times before she actually left him this past June. She recently contacted him and has been meeting up with him in private – lying about where she was going to me and other roommates. How do I help her and keep her from making a mistake without shaming or isolating her? [edited for content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry your friend is experiencing that with her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately Domestic Violence can become a vicious cycle where the victim can find it very difficult to leave the abuser or is in constant denial of experiencing domestic violence. You have been a great friend to her already and unfortunately you can’t do much for your friend unless she is ready to leave him and receive counseling services.  The best you can do is continue providing support and not shame her, even though you know she is lying to you all. You could also provide your friend with our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and speak to an advocate– 916.920.2952. The advocate can connect her to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management.

I live in Wisconsin. This was all i could find to be anonymous and maybe find help. I am 29 years old i live with my parents and 3 kids. My son 9 every other weekend and 50/50 summer break, my 7 year old daughter is the product of a rape so i sole physical n legal custody and my 5 year old who i share 50/50 placement all the time with. My father is very and i mean very verbally abusive. He threatens to throw me out at least twice daily if things arent done perfect. He yells at my kids then yells more at me if they leave one toy out. I live here because i am very sick. I have a rare disease which i take chemotherapy for to try to help calm my systemic inflammation. Recently they found a bone marrow abnormality in an MRI of my femur i need a biospy of my muscle n possibly a bone marrow biopsy as well. Ive lost most of the vision in my left eye due to my disease as well. I need to get out of here but i have no other family or friends. I would like to go to a shelter but im to scared ill lose my kids. Theyre all that i have and all that matter to me. Please can anyone offer insight. I need help this stress is making me sicker

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing that with your father. It sounds like you are going through a lot. Unfortunately WEAVE is a Sacramento based organization; however if you would like some resources in your area the National Domestic Violence Hotline can assist you at 800-799-7233. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 anonymously.

I had a bad fight with my boyfriend. He cursed me out for no reason as ive been helping him financially and he put me out of his house. i still have pending bills on checks that haven’t cleared. should i stop payment. This was a sacrifice for me, but when you’ve done everything you can do to help but get verbally abused, what should happen?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it is for you. This is a very difficult situation that you were put into. You should always do what is best for you. If you have any legal concerns we have legal advocates via our Legal Voicemail. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and a brief message regarding your legal question. If you would like to talk with someone, get connected with a variety of different resources, or receive Counseling services please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex-boyfriend was charged with battery- family violence act and criminal damage to property in the second degree last week for strangling me and breaking my cellphone when I tried to call for help. His bond condition states that he is to have no contact with me. I would like to message him about a matter that needs no response on his part. Is this allowed?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that with your boyfriend. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you with your question, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate or get connected to more legal resources.

Me and my spouse had a fight and it got out of hand I was trying to get him away from and just started biting and accidentally big off his top pinky finger .. after that I found out he was cheating with a few women my question is should I let the cheating get a slide being that I caused him a deformed finger should I just forget about the other women

Additional comments:

I’m just wondering if we should even talk about the other ladies or should I leave it alone because his pinky is gone

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are experiencing this. Do you feel safe enough to have a conversation with him about the other ladies? It might be beneficial to sit down with him to let him know you are concerned about the other women he has been cheating with. If you would like to talk to someone you can call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an Advocate for support and information about possible options

My boyfriend and i got into an argument and he said he wanted to punch me in the face and that he needed to get away from me so he wouldnt. This is not the first time he has vocalized that. In the relationship before me he was arrested once on a domestic call and admitted to me he punched his gf and gave her 2 black eyes once. Weve been together for 2 years and have a child together. He didnt actually touch me….what do i do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your boyfriend, we can only imagine how upsetting it is for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to speak to one of our Advocates to talk about what you are experiencing and work through your emotions, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My fourteen year old nephew has recently earned himself a criminal record as of yesterday 2/16/18 and today I witnessed him pick his mother up and slam her to the wall. After that I pinned the child on the ground. My question is can I go to jail for doing so?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry to hear that his mother was hurt by your nephew and we hope she is okay. Based on the information you provided it seems you only reacted to your nephew in order to protect/defend his mother. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you with your question, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to an advocate or get connected to more legal resources.

My son’s ex-partner sends me messages slandering my son to me, is this abuse as she know it hurts me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you are experiencing that with your son’s ex. Based on the information you provided it is not Domestic Violence, but it doesn’t make it okay for her to be contacting you and speak wrongly about your son. You may consider filing a Restraining Order so she can’t contact you anymore. If you live in the Sacramento area we encourage to contact Sacramento Regional Family Justice Center at 916-875-HOPE (4673) for information about Restraining orders, or you can call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to more resources.

So my boyfriend hit me in November of 2017

We’ve been living together since then, he’s never been arrested for domestic assault but he is ordered to go to court for it. How do I request him to leave the house where me and my kids stay up until I move? He’s been nothing but verbal abusive towards me for the past 2 weeks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We would like to encourage you to seek a restraining order against your boyfriend as it could be beneficial to getting him out of your house and also for the safety of you and your kids. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My brother hit me in the head with a pipe and he started an electrical fire at my house what can I do about it if the sheriffs won’t help me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are sorry you experienced that with your brother. Have you tried filing a police report of the incident? We encourage seeking legal assistance in your county that can answer your question or you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in your community.

In Kansas law can a 60 something woman go to jail for threatening a 20 year old?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 for referrals in your community.

My daughter in law is letting her boyfriend spank with and without a belt my 6 Year old granddaughter and 10 year old grandson. my granddaughter told me and he does this every time they are bad, she said when her and father never did before this. moved boyfriend in while husband in jail for 6 months still married to my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry your grandchildren are experiencing that. Based on the information you provided it seems your grandchildren may be experiencing child abuse at the hands of the boyfriend, you could contact Sacramento Child Protective Services and report it at 916.875.5437 (875-KIDS), in case the abuse gets worse and/or there is an emergency please call 911. If you would like to talk to someone you can speak to an advocate at our 24 hour Support and Information Line 916-920-2952. Please know that our advocates are mandated reporters and are legally required to ensure a report is made when abuse is observed or suspected.

My daughter is a product of a domestic violent situation… I think my abuser stole her identity, how can I check if that is true?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you and your daughter experienced that. In order to fully answer your question we will need more information from you. If your child is under 18, we might be able to assist you by pulling and reviewing her credit. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. You can call our 24/7 Support Line to learn more and speak to an advocate– 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child.

I just wanted to know if I’m overreacting but a boy at my school started touching me on the thigh and bum,when I was on a school trip to the theater, in the dark and I didn’t say anything at the time and I still haven’t but I let him touch my hand and I didn’t tell him to stop because I felt embarrassed. I just want to know if I’m overreacting or not or if this even is sexual assault.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, this sounds like a really upsetting situation and I am sorry that you experienced that. I want you to know that sexual assault is not only rape; it is ANY type of unwanted sexual contact. Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks”. Forcing or pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do or don’t consent to is sexual assault.That includes unwanted touching, fondling, or groping. We understand this is a lot to process and we want you to know you are not alone, we are here to support you. Is there someone you feel comfortable discussing this with? A friend, or trusted adult? It always helps to know that someone who cares for you is there to support you. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone in your support group about this, you can always reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained crisis counselor’s can provide you with non-judgmental support, you can remain anonymous, and receive the support you need. 
How do I tell if my ex boyfriend is taking is anger classes? I need to know because if he is I am renewing a restraining order soon. please get back to ASAP

Thank you for reaching out! Unfortunately we would not have access to another programs client list and some programs may even uphold confidentiality. If you knew the name of the program he is using, you could call them and see what their policies are. If you have any questions regarding the Restraining Order process you can call the Family Justice Center 916-875-4673. If you have any questions or want to reach out for additional support please call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

My Wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Feb 2017 she was diagnosed with end stage renal failure. We’ve been doing dialasys since May 2017 so its still new. Shes scared & cant conduct the home treatment so as should be I’m taking care of her. 5 days ago she had been getting unusually agitated & was on our adult sons case. I defused it but was stoic the next day. We got into it again. She followd me around the house as we argued, getting lowder & lowder. It ended when she got me to the point where I lost it and spit in her face. She said “go ahead, do that one more time.” I’d three or four times. She was may be an inch or two from me. She punched me in the groin. I smacked her in the face. Open handed. I lost it, went into our bedroom and started breaking all the things i bought her… TV & vanity mainly. I then went outside & called 911. I went out into the alley to wait for the police. When they questioned her, asking if I hit her with a closed fist. She said she didn’t see. They took me to jail and put a restraining order on me for 7 days. Leaving her to fend for herself with nobody to help her. We’ve had our arguments in the passed and some pretty big but we never hit each other. Now with three days to go on the restraining order and court date before i can help. She’s in the hospital having a heart attack and I cant see her. I dont know what to do. I should have never called 911. I just wanted the situation to be defused but it has gotten far worse. I don’t know what to do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. We have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions, like trying to see your spouse with the restraining order in place, in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. You may also want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the feelings of your spouse’s illness and recent arguments and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling. To find out more, please call or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

if i had my boyfriend locked up for hitting me can i call and have him o.r ed

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you.

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Unfortunately I have been a victim of domestic violence by my legal husband but separated for over 10 years now. Hiding and running from him to keep my daughters and I safe , sacrificed everything for our safety including my right to self petition as a US Citizen battered wife as, at the time I was missing informed by a notario publico Who adviced me not to petition because since he had a criminal background I did not qualified, and that he would be advised of my petition . Now I am 33, time has past but things for me are even harder . Is there any way I could self petition or is it too late?. 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE Inc. with your question, we understand this must be incredibly upsetting for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you could benefit from speaking to one of our legal advocates regarding self-petitioning. We offer various legal services, such as Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Order and Divorce workshops, but our legal advocates are also available via our Legal Voicemail. Please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, and a brief message regarding your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days. Additionally, if you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, trained crisis counselors can assess your situation further and provide you with resources best suited to aid you. 

I took a plea on a CDV charge last year of no contest. The original charges were felony charges. I was trying to put her remaining items on ground and leave when she jumped out of her car and into my truck trying to take my belongings in front seat I attempted to pull her out twice and I grabbed what she had picked out of her hands and kept her from getting it. We locked up me just trying to keep he for breaking or grabbing some resulting in both is falling into my vehicle door open she hit her head on floor where door rests me on shoulder on same part. It left a mark on her for long and narrow. I pushed her back and got in my vehicle locked doors then I tried to get some other area from her. She chased me and nearly had an accident before I called police. She tell police I attempted to choke her and beat her. I didn’t see if all evidence was presented showing her intentions. And one witness who seen some of incident never questioned. It was a horrible experience I felt helpless knowing lies we’re accepted of face cause of gender. Fast forward one year she was just arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (attempted to run current bf over). Could I use her 3ed arrest for my cast to bring more facts to light and maybe have a second look takes after judge ruling from State of NC?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting that must’ve been for you. This is a very difficult situation that you were put into and it may be beneficial to call our 24/7 support and information line so an advocate can better assist you. 916-920-2952. WEAVE is a Sacramento based organization; however you will still be able to access our Support Line for Peer Support. We would also suggest calling the local Police Department that handled the original case and see if they have any advice to offer you moving forward. 

I’m in the process of divorcing my ex husband. Not only is he a drug addict, who’s currently in rehab, but he’s also been physically abusive through the course of our marriage which has resulted in two beautiful girls. To protect my girls and avoid the stigma, I’ve been largely silent on the topic of abuse particularly because his drug addiction has given me sole custody of the girls at least in the interim. In rehab, he is claiming to being treated for ptsd from the abuse I inflicted on him. He has told everyone and anyone that would listen that I’m abusive to him. I’m terrified that upon leaving rehab, he will try and take my girls from me by claiming me the abuser. Because I’ve been silent about it to this point, I fear that it’s too late to speak up, creating a he said she said scenario. The man is very charming and I come across as a bit of a nut. I went in for my own evaluation with a therapist just a few weeks ago and it was really the first time I acknowledged the abuse to anyone. I’m terrified I could lose my children. What can I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing this; we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. You may choose to report those incidents of abuse to law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior to the courts. We also have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

Hi my ex partner is due to get out of jail in June, he is in their for stabbing a man and gbh on me. He bit into my lip I had to have 15 stitches also he burst my ear drum I was bleeding from it knocked my tooth out and scarred my chin an made my whole face balloon up with bruises but when he went to jail I found out I was pregnant with his baby. I kept the baby due to feeling like giving up but baby kept me going he’s been in jail for 25 months my little girls now 15 months; I’m already getting things said about me by his friend’s and family.  Will the police or housing let us move away but help us with housing I do not feel safe round here and In June it’s going to be worse. I don’t want to leave my family behind but I need to keep me and my daughter safe.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and frightening it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. In regards to your question about possibly having to relocate and leave your family, we encourage you to apply for the California Victim Compensation Board (CalVCB). CalVCB is a state program dedicated to providing reimbursements for crime-related expenses to eligible victims who have suffer physical injuries as a result of a violent crime. For more information contact 800.777.9229 or go to their website www.victims.ca.gov. You can also call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child.

So I was involved in a very violent relationship for 3 years in Idaho. I got away once all the way to Ohio and was kidnapped and taken back, across state lines. I filed report after report and nothing came from in. The town in Idaho always dropped everything. July of 2016 I finally got away again when my family from California hadn’t heard from me in so long they called the police to do a wellness check. My bf was arrested for kidnapping and I left. He was let out the next morning on a no-file from the prosecutors office. I came back to my family in California. He continued to stalk and harass me, coming here and threatening me. I tried getting a restraining order, but couldn’t get him served. He got into a new relationship and beat that girl up pretty bad and had yet another warrant for his arrest and decided to leave Idaho. I suffer from PTSD and not knowing where he was has impacted my quality of life immensely. I search for him to know if he’s close. Tonight I found an article online about him getting arrested in Washington. Its a pretty big deal. Resisting, drugs, ramming into fire trucks and cop cars, weapons charges. He’s got a court date on the 17th this month (Jan. 2018). Now for some background. In California he has a lengthy history going back to 2002 consisting of drug charges and assault on an officer, and he ran to Idaho where he spent 10 years racking up yet another lengthy history including kidnapping and domestic violence on a previous girlfriend, and then me and then the brief one after me. He has never actually gotten in trouble for any of it and I STILL fear I can’t run far enough. He never ends up locked up for long. So my question is since he has FINALLY been caught albeit in Washington now, is there a way and would it be of any use to somehow contact the courts or whoever to let them know of his history? I am relieved he is locked up but I am scared for when he gets out. I can’t keep hiding and using fake names online and trying to keep my whereabouts hidden. I am afraid to even have a facebook or sign up for anything online in case he can locate me. My family is tired of having everything in their name for me. They think I should let it go and forget and move on, but they underestimate him and don’t know what he’s done to me. I am VERY lucky to be alive. He almost killed me, he’s willing to track me across the country. I’m scared and just wonder if trying to make sure he stays locked up is worth it or even possible.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiencing that over the years, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you but we glad you are alive. You may choose to report those incidents to the prosecutor’s office or law enforcement and while they may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior to the courts. You may also consider filing a Temporary Restraining Order against him, as you have mentioned being scared if he gets out. We do have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal questions in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support. We are here to support you.

I just had a baby and did not know I was pregnant. He was a premie. I worked 60-70 hour weeks, my body looked like a refrigerator instead of like it was holding a watermelon, still got my period, and I even worked through labor. Well my bf and I didn’t want kids. Now I can’t afford to live because we can’t afford daycare and I need to be home with my son so I am on leave. We don’t live together so he gets to work but he doesn’t make enough to pay my rent. My dad lied to my face at the hospital saying he’s to pay my January rent and I didn’t find out until 2 days ago that he wont. My sister offered to have me take a cost free mini vacation and if I want free daycare with her in Tennessee to get back on my feet. I live in CA. Keeping mind my bf and I are super stressed about money, he is still in shock about having a baby, and his ex wife took their kids and left, he has never ever laid a hand on me. I told him I have no plans but have to find a place to live and Tennessee seems like the best option. That way he has the opportunity to help me find a better plan or we could make arrangements because I want to take our son with me. Not away from him, but I am also the caretaker of our son. He started getting extra frustrated and was like you are trying to take our son away from me I could see this from the beginning blah blah blah, but then he said maybe I should stab you and make it look like an accident wait on the corner when you walk your dogs and take my sons. It made me feel uncomfortable no I did not walk my dogs that night slept with the light on, but normally when he says jackass things I ignore it. I am hormomnal and stressed and want to breast feed so I had to stop my anxiety treatment. I told CPS but also told them I don’t want to file a police report. I think he is joking, but I don’t want to be naive. In our 5 going on6 years together he has never even attempted to lay a hand on me. I understand he is stressed and now is afraid of reliving someone taking his child away. He said he was sorry, he said I just don’t want you to go. I met with him the day after and he gave me cash for his son and I let him hold his son. Really awkward though because we were in a parking lot, normally we are at my place. He didn’t try to take his son or anything. I told him he just needs to work on his aggression that saying those things isn’t right. I honestly don’t think he wants hurt me. I do think he needs anger management. He doesn’t seem to understand that since he doesn’t hurt me saying nasty things still isn’t ok. he is also the one who taught me to stand up for myself when people say or do messed up things

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Domestic Violence may include any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is important to reach out to law enforcement at any time you feel you may be in danger. The safety of you and your child is very important.  If you would like to talk with someone, get connected with a variety of different resources, or receive Counseling services please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Let’s say that we have someone that is dreaming about a old flashback of her ex-husband beating her and then it took me about all together about an hour to fully get her awake but the last 15 minutes I recorded of her but I’ve mounted her was shaking her and whenever she woke up she thought I I was really doing what she was dreaming and started screaming and I put my hand over her mouth and told her look I’ve been trying to wake you up for the last hour but stop screaming before your kids and my kids think that I’m freaking beating you and I told her I was going to let up and I got off and then she called nine-one-one so I took off and she pressed charges but I showed her the video a day later it’s a 15 minute video of what she was doing while she was asleep and it’s because they upped her dose on her antidepressant medicine and even on the bottle of says may cause severe nightmares but she called the law and told them that she wanted to drop the charges because it was all a dream and we have proof from a doctor to will it get dropped and not picked up by state.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you.

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

My best friend is not here she is in Oregon going through domestic violence mage is running out of time and losing her place to live

I’m her only friend in the world and I have done all I can to help

She is safe for now but needs to get to Sacramento and help starting over

He is wanted by law nationwide

But she fears daily of his return

She has no income but has dependable vehicle

Is there help to relocate and get started? She is a hard working woman as well

But he made her quit

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are very sorry that your friend is going through this traumatic experience. There are many resources and referrals WEAVE can possibly offer to support your friend. If your friend has reported a crime against this person she may qualify for the Victims Compensation Program which may be able to assist with the relocation expenses. She may also consider filing out a temporary restraining order against this person. Without more information it is hard to directly answer your question. Please refer her to our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952.

What can I do if I and my children was kidnapped and I was beat from Cali to Texas and I got away but he’s treating me and I never went to the police because I have no one to support me. I’m now in Cali and no one knows how bad it was I have no help and cps on my back I do what to do I can’t lose my baby’s I refuse to lose them after what we been through and I’m afraid they will take them like he said he’ll make happen. I’m just lost and can’t handle losing my only reason to live.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you.  You may choose to report the incident and while law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if the abuser ever assaults you or your children again. You may also consider filing a Temporary restraining order against him. If you haven’t  had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

If I’m having trouble getting out of a situation that feels like domestic violence where Can I get counseling or support to help me make the steps to leave

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your situation. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you to help in any way that we can.

What is you want to leave but your husband is ALWAYS home? I’m scared to do the restraining order while we are still living together. He will go crazy if I take our son. He will threaten to hurt or kills our pets, destroy my important things or even expose my past to my family and friends.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We understand that it is sometimes scary and difficult to access help, but no one deserves to be treated that way and we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Understanding that these situations are not easy to walk away from you are very brave for making the first step by reaching out. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is important to reach out to law enforcement at any time you feel you may be in danger. Weave can provide many services and resources from case management, counseling, legal services, as well as trying to find possible safe shelter options. A safety plan may also be beneficial for you and an advocate can assist you with creating one. You can reach an advocate on the 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952.

Am I able to report an assault committing to me when I was on HIS property?

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that what you are going through is very real and scary and we want you to know that we are here to support you in any way we can. Unfortunately, we cannot answer legal-based questions on the Message Boards. However, we do have legal advocates who can provide you with support for any legal issues in the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact them, please leave a message at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days, and it will be from a blocked or unknown number. If you have any other questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors are available to you to provide you with emotional support, services, and resources within our community.

How do you go from being a life coach living on the street and counseling against abuse 2 ending up being blackmailed in extorted and forced to stay and it’s due to neurological birth defect receipts by a gene and father and Agent Orange in Vietnam now my court order. You ain’t my setup has my ID every 6 months that I come down unfortunately it has been set back last year I returned home this summer to go do what I normally do I slept in the backyard I was there Wednesday there is no laws against the send BC. And here I was trying to avoid conflict but I’m going to need a domestic violence Asylum part I don’t know what’s going on my citizenship due to all the stress I have an autoimmune disease is very critical he has been here for 6 weeks beating me down verbally mentally aggressively left on the floor the yelling for my neighbor for help I look like a lunatic are used to be a counselor why am I a victim because I lost my Independence and where I come from has no rights and hear the property management company and I had to ask because I had nobody else [edited for length].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community. All the best to you.

I have lost my job my confidence my home transportation and the few things I have left are in a storage locker. I am living with my boyfriend of almost 4 years who is an amputee and uses it as pity when needed. I spend every day sitting next to him doing nothing. He does not speak to me. I can not go outside because there is a construction crew building next door and they might check me out or I might look at them. I can go out front if the neighbors are not out working in their shop or I am out their just to be noticed. 
He has lied to many times. He looks at porn , text and emails other woman. Even woman from high school he still send sexual text etc too. At parties he ignores me unless someone is looking at me and he notices then gives ME a nasty look. I have watched him completely circle a woman twice checking her out in a store before he noticed me. It was creepy he was looking at her as prey. He watches them in mirrors. I have no one to talk to or nothing else do to do I watch him. I am not allowed to bring my belongings over to the place because it’s ” His house His stuff His life ” verbatim ! It has to be his way always. I wake up every morning surrounded by his things with none of my memories with me. But he says I love you. I want you to be my life partner. That is why I pay for your storage and let you live here. 
I have no friends lost all my self esteem, no income now so after 43 years I will have no contact with anyone soon There is no phone here. I am in the country. I have lost me. 
I have tried and tried to tell him how his constant lack of understanding to my feeling and my needs have hurt our relationship. I am told to get over it and move on. 
I don’t know what to do ? I feel so alone. I have reached out to friends and family and they are not used to me being so non independent they don’t understand my crys for help. I feel so dependent on him that I don’t even move far from the couch any longer because I don’t know what else to do. 
My self esteem is gone. I have lost myself but I am still worried about losing him and what he will think ? ?!!!?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. No one deserves to be ignored that way and we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You mentioned your boyfriend not allowing you to bring any of your belongings over and unfortunately that is a warning sign/ red flag that you seem to be aware of. Having power and control is a huge contribution to the cycle of violence and loss of self-esteem. You do not deserve any of this and it can be very emotionally draining, but you are not alone in this struggle. If you would like to speak to an advocate about some options or steps to take please contact our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952. We are here for you.

my ex boyfriend cheated on me while i was in vegas for my bday and come to find out he got into a relationship with the girl he cheated with, well they had a rough time he started beating her and shes got pics but its been a month or two since it happened.. all she has is the pic no other proof. can she still report it?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. That person may choose to report the incident and while law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if the abuser ever assaults her again. She may also consider filing a Temporary restraining order against him. If she hasn’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

After being in an emotional abusive relationship my husband left and after a month his girlfriend tried to keep my youngest and oldest from me can I press charges we’re now in a domestic violence shelter so he hasn’t seen the kids in 3 weeks which I’m worried he could use against me in court

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE and we are very sorry that your family is going through this. If you are in the Greater Sacramento Region and you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We hope you get the assistance you need so you can start your healing process.

I am not the person involved in a bad situation, it is my daughter and I want to ask how I can help her or even if I should be helping. Not sure if my interfering is making it worse. Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are very sorry that your family is going through this and especially your daughter who is living through this traumatic experience. Sometimes people in her situation just need someone to support them and always be there for them so that they don’t feel like they have no support, which is why understanding barriers and the cycle of violence is extremely important. Meeting your daughter where she is at would be the best thing to do as she may already be used to not making her own decisions, empowering her to make decisions for herself. There are many resources available and even group counseling available where you can relate to others and become educated on domestic violence. You or your daughter can call the support line anytime to speak with an advocate about services available, our support line is 24/7 916-920-2952. 

Why did my boyfriend sexually assault and battery me and not his other girlfriends, who say he was gentle, affectionate and kind to them?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. It’s important to know this is never your fault, but the fault of the abuser. Although it may be difficult to understand why the abuser would do this, we know domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952. If you would like to take advantage of our counseling services you can attend the WEAVE Triage Assessment, it is available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:

Tuesdays: 12 pm – 2 pm

Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm

Thursdays (English/Spanish): 12 pm – 2 pm

My boyfriend of five months is very controlling (not specifically – emotionally, cut my friends by “hating” them or demeaning them or telling me they are a threat to us) he has hurt me a couple of times, threatens to leave me, threatens he will kill himself. I have asked him to get help and I’m standing my ground and not giving up my right to be dominated by him. The last month or so, he’s accused me of cheating (daily) I have not cheated. The other day he received a message from a fake facebook about me cheating with on him with (fake accounts “friend”) he quickly dropped it and I know it’s not something he would have just “dropped” had it been someone else who sent it. I personally believe it was him trying to “catch” me cheating. When he did this it so happened that the person who was fake did have a real account with that specific name and that this person had a mutual friend of mine (whom I work with) I’ve never cheated though and I’m thinking this might be a tactic to make me quite my job because of the coworker to have more control since he feels he’s loosing control over me… could I be right? He constantly has a way of gas lighting me and always has me believing I’m the one who’s crazy. It’s driving me crazy!! I don’t know what to do. I’d like to help stay but I’m losing that initial fire we had due to the accusations and stopped seeing him the way I once did. I’m also pregnant with his child….

Additional comments:

I Just need some light shed my way

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We understand that it is sometimes hard to ask for help but no one deserves to be treated that way and we are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. You mentioned your boyfriend wanting to take control of everything and unfortunately that is a warning sign/ red flag that you seem to be aware of. Having power and control is a huge contribution to the cycle of violence. We believe you and you do not deserve to be accused of cheating on a daily basis, as that can be very emotionally draining. Over all, your safety and the safety of your unborn child is most important. If you would like to speak to an advocate about some options or steps to take please contact our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952. 
Me and my boyfriend were having a hard time I just lost my auntie he just lost his son you know so we’re both dealing with losses in our family and it was just making us both a little irritated and aggravated and he threatened to stab me with a knife and everything but me being afraid and going through everything that I’m going through my mind is really messed up right now but I just want them to know I said a few things out of panic and distress and I wasn’t thinking correctly myself going through everything I’m going through

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. We are so sorry that you experienced that, we can only imagine how scary and upsetting it must’ve been for you. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. It is important to reach out to law enforcement at any time you feel you may be in danger. If you would like to talk with someone, get connected with a variety of different resources, or receive Counseling services please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I am 21 years old and have been with my fianće for 5 years. We had our son very early, I was 18 and he was 19. Even before I met him he had a very intense drinking and anger problem. Although I saw him drink more than I had believed was “normal”, I didn’t take it seriously. He hit me for the 1st time when I was about 7 months pregnant and gave me a black eye. I forgave him and then it became a “normal” thing that I would expect when he would get angry. The drinking just continued to increase to an everyday thing and eventually earlier this year he drank a gallon of vodka and crashed our car which then caught on fire. Being in the state of mind that he was in, he dragged me by my hair through dirt and rocks, in front of my 3 year old. I guess my question is what can WEAVE help me with because I go to school full time and also work full time? Is there help with child care and housing? [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE, as being in these situations are very scary. Understanding that these situations are not easy to walk away from you are very brave for making the first step: getting to a safe place and reaching out for help. WEAVE can provide many services from case management, to counseling, to legal services, as well as children’s counseling. A safety plan may also be beneficial for you and an advocate can assist you with creating one. You can reach an advocate on the 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952. You’ve shown a lot of strength already. 

I want to know what I can do about getting my son back. My youngest son’s dad choked me nine years ago and he was able to take my son even after he almost killed me. I have been trying to get him back and I am having a hard time because I do not got the money to get a lawyer. And not only that but after I left him for doing what he did to me he kept my son away from me and then we went to court and the judge did set the visitation the way it was set the first time and so he took him a few months down the road and never brought him back so he got away with kidnapping my son cause no one would help me. What can I do?

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing this must be for you. If the father is in violation of the visitation rights you can contact Law Enforcement and CPS regarding the situation. If you are in the Greater Sacramento Region and you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal line at 916.319.4944. You will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My daughter filed for a full restraining order but was only granted half of one meaning it says he isn’t allowed to harass her but no kick out was ordered and he won’t move out though repeatedly asked to he doesn’t pay rent nor is on the lease. hews been served restraining order but continues to harass her daily she is afraid to call the police to enforce the restraining order because cps said if police are called to this address again they will take her child so now she has to keep dealing with him. why should she get trouble with cps when she just wants the restraining order enforced isn’t that what she is supposed to do is protect herself and child from the abuse but how can she do that without police involvement to do so? help me to help her?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your daughter is experiencing that with her former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for her and you as well. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If your daughter hasn’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I’m from Canada and I live on the border of the US so I have a trailer that I keep in water state go down and stay 6 months here 2 months there now I was visiting here and was abused by my husband and left half dead in grave medical condition now he is returned to Canada I am Canadian abandoned but I have been working on immigration here well first and you’re my old citizenship but we don’t know what’s happening with that now I’m trying to go under this law from cuz I was abused in Canada but these are new charges they just happened 24 hours ago and I ain’t going back I’m in grave Danger because I used to have dual citizenship but I am Canadian right now and I am stuck here and I’m barely standing because I have a severe medical condition and I don’t know what to do how to get support counseling late charges and seek Asylum [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting and traumatizing it must’ve been for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224. You can also get more information and resources at www.thehotline.org and www.domesticshelters.org. We hope you get the assistance you need so you can start your healing process.

hi me and my wife are living apart at minute trying to live together again but scared of what ss will say or will agree please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Based on what you said this might be an issue related to Social Security (SS), and we encourage you to contact them directly with your question, you can contact them at their toll-free number at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778).  

However, we are not sure of the question you are asking and if that is not what you are asking please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952

My children live with me. My older daughter especially controls my life. Some things I kind of accept she demands, such as no cookies, cakes, candy, soda, chips, cereals, or other high sugar or high calorie foods either. My daughters even tell me when to go to bed. I have to be in my bedroom and keep the lights off after 10:00 pm. I have to pay for the apartment rent, rent insurance, utilities, mail, cars, car insurance, their medical insurance, and other family costs. I buy the greatest majority of their food, clothes, cosmetics, and even recreational things like their bicycles and gym memberships too. They sometimes are kind enough to put maybe $10 or $20 of gas in the car gas tank when I have no money left at the end of the month. My older daughter works but contributes nothing. She just put $10,000 in another personal S&P investment account while last month I believe I finished the month with $1.09 in my bank account. I haven’t purchased any new or even Goodwill/Salvation Army clothes or shoes for myself in years. I really live in some ways like a vagabond. Is it normal for parents to live like this? I’m wondering how to cope. What else to dream. I just keep dreaming of being dead. I lived worse (violence/abuse/captivity) so just say it could be worse. I’m emotionally dead already. Just venting out of sadness. Realize there is no solution. At least I’m not being raped or being punched around anymore [edited for length].

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment with your current living situation and with your children. Based on what you shared you may have to set some healthy boundaries with your children. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I’m trying to escape the father of my son who is verbally abusive, he has pushed me into walls a few times and threatens to beat me up or have his female family member do it. I move furniture in front of my door every night and walk to my car in fear. I’m tired of being scared for me and my son’s safety. Do you guys provide help with finding housing?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that with your former abuser, we can only imagine how upsetting and scary it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. You may choose to report. While law enforcement may not be able to take immediate action, it would provide documentation of his behavior if your former abuser ever assaults you again. You may also consider filing a Temporary restraining order against him.

If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services, as well as other community resources.

Released from prison almost 2 years ago and in that time he has physically hurt me 4 times. I tried to report one of the incidents but the da dropped the case and we just had to go to counseling but it got worse. He still drank excessively and we still would bicker, well last week it got bad and now he is back in jail. Looking at 3 felonies and one misdemeanor. I’m worried because he already has 2 strikes against him. And one more felony he can get 25 to life. Also his sister’s mother in law is a private investigator for his defense team. What if they have evidence of me verbally fighting with him? Can they use anything that she says against me in a court of law? 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). If you haven’t had the opportunity to work with a counselor we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

If a partner rubbed his hands down his butt crack and then wiped his hands on my face when he wasn’t showered an assault? We were fighting and I feel so violated [edited for content].

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. What you experienced sounds like domestic violence, here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

 

I was held hostage, physically and mentally tortured. I escaped a year ago with a back injury, PTSD and a hernia. I have no home and no money. I still havent gotten any help in any way. He is in jail. I still cry every day and I have no idea how I survived this long. I am paralyzed by fear and pain. I am so tired of worrying about how I am going to eat tomorrow. I cant move on. I dont know what to do.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. What you experienced sounds very scary and a definite violation to your body. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

I had a ppo served on my ex for his 3rd DV against me. We have a 2 year old together. After a few weeks I tried to let him see our child and he became violent again. Since then he has continued to call and text me to “try and see our child” but I have not responded. What options do I still have to guarantee my safety and the safety of our child. He has no established rights to the child yet.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944.If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

*wtmust ido?My boyfriend n I had an argument abt him cheating n he bested me n m pregnant afta few days he came with policeman with protection order saying I dnt HV to ssy anything to him direct or indirect is it fair for r unborn by de way cs I believe m fe 1hu has to lay assault charges on him

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. However, we are not sure of the question you are asking. Please feel free to resubmit another question or elaborate on this one.  Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to you as well, 916-920-2952.

Hi I live in Texas I have a girlfriend that has lived with me in my house now she has gone crazy , very violent and always threatens me or to destroy my home if she don’t get her way she’s already destroyed parts of it in the past I need to know where I stand if she continues this behavior? She’s refused to move out as of now.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be for you. Unfortunately, WEAVE provides services throughout the greater Sacramento California region and referrals provided on the message boards represent this area only.  If you live outside of the Sacramento, California region, or another state you may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) or TTY at 1.800.787.3224 or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) for referrals in your community.

My name is Patricia, How do I go about having an ex boyfriend that lied in court on a domestic violence restraining order against me in which he abused me and convinced the judge to slap me with a 5yr restraining order because she was bothered by all the text, emails and phone msgs that he saved on my retaliation against all the lies and disrespect he has caused through out our on and off 8yr relationship, I don’t need a restraining order against him, but I’d like to see him take a battered woman class since he got away with abusing me and i verbally abused him but that wasn’t ok with the judge and she let him walk out of her court room laughing at the mess he caused and got away with it.

Additional comments:

I was told my ex is going around bragging about getting away with lying in court to have a restraining order filed against me when he knows he was wrong and I’m the victim.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Since you are seeking legal advice our legal team may be able to assist you, you can call our legal lines at 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944 – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

My ex boyfriend broke my jaw. It’s going to be a year in 6 days that it happened. He broke it into 2 different places. We stayed together, I lied to my family because I loved him. A year later we broke up because of a different reason. Now that we are not together I still have a $3,000 bill to take care of he was helping me out with a place to stay and what not but I would like to get info about my options about suing him to help with the remaining bill.

Thank you for reaching out and for contacting WEAVE. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must’ve been for you, especially because you are still dealing with the financial consequences of his behavior. Have you considered counseling? You may benefit from speaking to a professional about your feelings and experiences. In regards to your question about your medical bill, we encourage you to apply for the California Victim Compensation Board (CalVCB). CalVCB is a state program dedicated to providing reimbursements for crime-related expenses to eligible victims who have suffer physical injuries as a result of a violent crime. For more information contact 800.777.9229 or go to their website www.victims.ca.gov. If you would like to talk to someone or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, as well as case management. If you would like more information about our services and resources, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

My ex husbands gf told my 7 year old she was going to burn her clothes for bringing them to their house. What can I do as her mother? And there’s so much more.

Thank you for reaching out and contacting WEAVE. We are sorry you are experiencing this, as a mother it must be hard to hear such behavior from an adult who is supposed to care and protect your child. Is your ex-husband aware of it? And if so, have you had a conversation with him? It might be beneficial to sit down with him to let him know you are concerned about the treatment your daughter is receiving from his partner. If you would like to talk to someone you can call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an Advocate for support and information about possible options.

My father chocked me and kicked me and this is the second time because I wanted to beat up his girlfriend but I never put a hand on her. This is the second time and this time I tried getting out of the chock hold he had me in and I started to hit his genitals to let me go but he did not instead he started chocking me more and dragging me. I don’t know what to do. If I call the cops on my own father this will be his second domestic violence offence. My uncle and sister saw him kick me and put me in a chock hold and dragged me into the room while I was yelling [edited for content].

We are glad you reached out.  The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement taking your father away. Although, law enforcement can be intimidating at times, they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. WEAVE offers counseling services to victims of domestic violence. If you would like more information, you can call our 24/7 Support Line to speak with an Advocate to learn more. The Support Line is 916.920.2952.

My ex is a cop and he had my daughter with him last night, and I went to go pick her up he gave me a key so I can just walk in and get her as soon as he heard me walk in the house I got to the hallway. He then woke up pretty quickly and pushed me in the hall way my daughter is laying in bed with this lady that he refuses to tell me anything about. He then grabbed me by my arm and shoved me outside through the garage. I need someone to tell me is this something that I need to report?

Thank you for reaching out. We can understand that the incident might’ve left you feeling unsettled and confused, and it’s understandable since it’s your child. Although the incident can seem suspicious and questionable because you don’t know that woman, there is little information you have, but if you suspect anything please contact law enforcement right away. If you have an amiable relationship with your ex we recommend you speaking to him again, if he refuses to answer you might want to call Sacramento Police Department at their non-emergency number 916.264.5471 and ask for advice. You might also want to call Child Protective Services and ask for advice about what you can possibly do in order to protect your child, their number is 916.875.5437. If you need to speak to someone, you may want to contact our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.

I sold my car to my daughter and her husband so she would have a good reliable and dependable car for her and the children. They have recently separated. They are going through a custody dispute with their daughter.(she has 2 other children who are 18 and 19 from a previous relationship) My ex son-in-law put the car in his name only, which I did not know until they went to court for child custody. Now they are split up and he just had a friend steal the car (he had the extra key) from her house. She had just put all her laundry in the car to go to the laundromat, and he has the car. It is in his driveway (had a neighbor look) The police would not do a stolen car report, even though my daughter did not see who stole the car. We know we can not go get the car, but she needs all her laundry and personal items that are in the car. Her ex will not answer his phone (he has the child as of 6pm for this week) He will not answer texts. Should we get the police to go with us to get her stuff and if they won’t what should we do??? 

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry to hear what you and your daughter are going through at the moment. If you live in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your daughter.

Why am I feeling so anxious, near panic mode, when after a particularly verbally abusive session from my husband where he said he was leaving. I’ve been with him longer than 15 years. Why can’t I just let him go, not that I think he will, but why can’t I just let him go?

Thank you for reaching out. We are sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship. Based on what you shared it seems you might be in a domestic violence relationship. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources we do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you leave outside of Sacramento County please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233).

My boyfriend beat me up and stole $500 dollars from me n cops arrested him they said that cause it was in his possession they couldn’t give it back to me how do I get my money?

Thank you for reaching out. We are so sorry that you experienced that within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting it must be.  If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are 916. 440.6797 or 916. 319.4944. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). Have you have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

I am stuck. My bf of 6 yrs abuses me. I have nowhere to go. We have a 3 yr old daughter together. I’m afraid that if I leave him, I will get in trouble with the police. I can only go to a motel and only have enough for 2 wks. Idk what to do.

We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult to make a decision if you are afraid of law enforcement. Law enforcement can be intimidating at times, but they are here to assist you and to keep you safe. If you are in immediate danger you can always call 911, if you have questions you can contact their non-emergency line 916.264.5471. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help you with options and determine what resources will best for you and your child.

If a person was saying they were raped and denied to press charges, and having a rape kit done, etc., was in the ER for being assaulted, Can the nurse badger and keep pushing that person to have the rape kit done? Saying things like her job depends on it and things like that, or is that illegal?

We are glad you reached out. It’s unfortunate that the nurse did that and that the person had that experience but It’s not illegal. We like to give people choices, and allow them to make their own decisions when it comes to their own body. If the assault happened less than 7 days ago, that person can still get a WAVA forensic medical exam without involving law enforcement. Has that person have the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you or they are in Sacramento County, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services, including free counseling services and possible case management services.

My sister lost her husband and got involved in a financially abusive relationship with someone. She has mental and addiction problems and seems confused alot of the time. She has some money coming from her husband of 29 years who died. He was a very good man. Whenever she gets any money her boyfriend who doesnt work takes it for his own needs and leaves her nothing. She is mentally ill and not dealing with a full deck. There seems to be no way I can protect her from this predator. He has some way of brainwashing and controlling her and nobody can get through to her because of her mental conditions. I was thinking maybe a woman with domestic abuse experience could call my sister and talk to her and convince her not to go back where he can get his claws back into her. I just feel like when he is done milking her for money and moves on to another victim she will become homeless or could even die. If a professional is willing to talk to her maybe I can give you her phone number and they can call her and convince her to change course. Whatever me and her daughter say to her doesnt seem to have any affect. It is so frustrating. I know where this is headed and I just dont know what to do [edited for length].

We are glad you reached out, and we understand it must be very frustrating for you as a brother to witness the abuse your sister is enduring. We will be happy to talk to her, however, we meet the client where they are at and this means that she will need to call us for us to talk to her directly. If she is unable to or unwilling to, you deserve to have support as well and can contact our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information. Depending on the age of your sister you might be interested in contacting Sacramento Department of Social Services-Adult Protective Services at 916.874-9377. You might also want to contact Sacramento Police Department at 916.264.5471 and ask about options. For legal advice or resources you can contact Legal Services of Northern CA at 916.551.2150 and/or Lawyer Referral and Info Services at 916.564.6707. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). We hope you can get answers in order to assist your sister.

I need an attorney who will work on a contingency basis in getting my judgement set aside in my divorce case based on failure to disclose property he had purchased from the cash he took out of the family residence that was awarded to me. I sold the house in 2015 and was told it was not my loan. Thirteen years of domestic violence, 11 police reports and a current restraining order in place. We are glad you reached out. We understand your case might be very frustrating. If you live in Sacramento County our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). 

I hope this is ok to ask here. I want to meet new people but honestly still don’t know how to start. I’ve already been in two long lasting abusive horrible relationships. The first one started when I was @ 14. I don’t know things most people experience or do. It’s like I am truly socially limited. I am just lost, technically illiterate. Is there a place that teaches people things if they have essentially been shut off from the world outside of antenna television, books, and magazines for decades?.  I am just tired of being trapped in a technical world that I don’t understand, and I never used before. In my deprived and abused existence I just didn’t live like most Americans. It’s like every time it’s just more of the controlling same, just new bullies making me still feel sad in different ways [edited for length].

We are glad you reached out. The abuse you have experienced in the past must’ve been very frightening and it can be difficult to lead a life that is very technological oriented now. The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged abusive relationship can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. Have you had the opportunity to work with a counselor or case manager? If you are local, we would recommend contacting our 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information on WEAVE services in Sacramento, including free counseling services and free case management services. Our counselors are trauma informed so they are able to support you and help you in advocating for yourself in getting the support and resources you deserve.

I moved in with my girlfriend when I just got out on parole and the landlord threatened to kick her out because I was on Parole is this illegal

Additional comments:

I’ve been out of trouble since 2014 and I am currently on parole working full-time and two beautiful children

It sounds that your life has been on the right track and you have been striving to be better. Unfortunately  WEAVE’s expertise and resources are limited to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and housing and tenant disputes are beyond our capacity.   If you are in Sacramento County you will need to reach out to renter’s helpline regarding your options. Their phone number is 916-389-7877. Wish you the best of luck. 

I meet a girl 27 years old from Mississippi. I’m 45 years younger male. She has a son by her ex-boyfriend Tony in the past Tony black her eye, choke her & beat her up. She move in with me & now she lives,in Cincinnati. After one year with me she returns back to Mississippi well that same ex-boyfriend does exactly the same thing to her, she claim she has a restraining order out on him, “that I never seen & she tells me her mother told her if you have a restraining order out on him who’s going watch your son while your at work? So she still takes the son over to Tony’s apartment so he can watch their son.. This is weird to me should I trust & believe she has a restraining order out on him or should I ask to see the restraining order? Now when she calls she will say I’ll call you back in 5min & 5mins turns into 45min’s & she also has a son 12, 8 & a daughter 7years old.. And the same ex-Tony she did a threesome with but said she regrets it & claim she don’t want him but him, she claim since she been back in Mississippi April of 2017 she hasn’t slept nor had sex with no man.. What question or what request should I ask of her to prove to me she’s tellin the truth? There isn’t a specific question to ask someone you want a healthy relationship with to force them to what you consider the truth. Based on what you shared, she has answered your questions and you must decide if you believe them and can continue the relationship or not. In healthy relationships, each partner is willing to trust the other. Asking someone to relive past experiences or prove themselves over and over is not healthy. She is entitled to make her own choices based on what she feels is best for her situation. If you don’t agree with the choices, you need to decide if you want to stay in a relationship. Given that she has experienced domestic violence in the past and is faced with raising a child with the ex, you may want to encourage her to seek counseling to address the violence and the impact it had on her children. She can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). They can provide information about resources in her area.
3 or 4 months ago I was living with a guy who isn’t the father of my son. One day at work I received multiple texts saying he shouldn’t watch my son and that I need to come home. I call him and he says he hit my son. I make him bring my son to my work and my son has a huge handprint sizes welt/bruise on his face. Like this man decked my kid with an open hand. I, afraid and stupidly, told everyone I did it and had my mother take him from my custody. Now I have told the truth after this man has taken everything from us. I have a picture of 3 days after but no longer have the texts. I don’t know what to do as I am afraid I will lose my son for covering this up. I only did it so I wouldn’t lose him. I stupidly stayed and brought my son around this man for another 3 months. No more incidents happened after that. But he has 2 boys under 3 and I’m afraid he might hurt them. He almost hit me a week before I left. We are glad you reached out. If you live in Sacramento County or the custody decision will be made in Sacramento County, our Legal Department may be able to help or refer you to an attorney for assistance. You can call (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 and leave a message and a member of the legal department will return your call. You may also find it helpful to talk with an Advocate on our 24/7 Support Line who can give you resources for counseling and other supportive services at WEAVE – 916.920.2952. If you live outside of Sacramento County, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources near you – 1-800-799-7233.
My baby’s father and I got into an argument. That night he was drinking. Thing escalated fast were he slapped me and broke my window with my daughter in the back sit. When i got off the car told him to get off. He started hitting himself.
(Its not the first time he puts hands on me, so every time he did he would fell bad and start punching his face.) He wouldn’t get off so i started pushing him off .
He threw me on the floor and when I got up he threw a beer to my back. So I see that he isn’t leaving and try to get my daughter out the car and as I’m trying he starts pushing my head many time till the cops got their. I told the police everything that has happened. They arrested me Literally because i had no bruses nor blood ECT. And he did. He was even hitting himself in front of the cops. The charges were dropped but since my family bail me out because of my daughter I’m stuck with a payment. I want to know if their anyway I can fight it or make him pay because I was the victim and it’s not fair that i was arrested because i wasn’t beat up. Was i suppose to let him, no im sorry but ima defend myself. Self defense isn’t a crime. 
We are glad you reached out. Your experience was obviously frightening and frustrating. If you live in Sacramento County or the arrest occurred in Sacramento County, our legal program may be able to assist you and provide more information about your options. You can call our legal lines – you will need to leave a message and a safe call back number and a Legal Team member will return your call. The numbers are (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944.  If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for legal resources for your county – 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
A friend of mine was just suggested to take counseling for anxiety, but doesn’t know if she should do to other reasons beyond her. She was abused as a child, but her abuser is no longer physically abusive. Her abuser is currently a caretaker of her sister. She doesn’t want her sister going into foster care bc she knows she’s better off with her parent. But she fears that if she goes to therapy that if she mentions her childhood abuse that they will report it and take her sister from her mother. Is that how it works? Thanks Thank you for reaching out. We hope your friend will reach out for help. WEAVE’s Counselors are therapists and therefor mandated reporters of abuse. The situations in which reporting abuse is required may apply to her situation but it is not possible to know without more information. If she would like more information, she can call our 24/7 Support Line to speak with an Advocate to learn more. The call is anonymous as she need not give her name. The Support Line is 916.920.2952.
Dcf had deemed me the fit parent however the ex afterwards file a false pfa and she had them taken Coping with custody issues when you are committed to being an involved parent is difficult. WEAVE serves Sacramento County, CA – if you live in Sacramento County or the custody is being determined through a Sacramento County court we may be able to assist through our legal program. You can call (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 to leave a message about your situation and a member of our legal staff will return your call. If you live outside of Sacramento County, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get referrals for legal resources in your area - 1-800-799-7233 
My BF of 2 yrs. Is a very controlling, mentally and emotionally and physically abusive. He accuses me of all kinds of things then throws me and my 3 kid’s out. All of my belongings and the kid’s ruined. He’s done this in More than 3 occasions. He threatens me so I have to leave. I’m on the lease. He’s also gotten a restraining order on me.. But he never served it properly. I’m sure he’s going to do so again.. I’m going to try to get one on him tomorrow morning… But he had taken All my money in out of gas and just plain have horrible luck. He tracks me by putting phone’s in my car I’ve called the police on several occasions the last time he threw me on The ground. I was locked in my car but he had the other set opened my car door and punched me in the side of the head . I told the police but she said I wasn’t injured bad enough. My son came over to me and lady cop. And said dad but told me to tell you I didn’t hit your mom.. She just shook her head..??? And they did nothing.. He always gets away with it.. I need to get away from him.. What do I do? I have no where to go. No help The abuse you have experienced must be very frightening and it can be difficult if you do you feel that law enforcement believed you when you reached out for help. Please contact our 24/7 Support Line to learn more about our Safehouse program and legal services – 916.920.2952. The advocates can help determine what resources will best for you and your children.
I had care giver for 10 years she quit. I do not know why I thought of her like a sister. I tried to contact her a few times to ask what is the reason she quit I got no answer. But all of sudden I am waken that sounds like someone hitting my apartment wall late at night. We understand that losing a long time caregiver would be difficult. Unfortunately, this is not domestic violence so our assistance is limited – we would suggest calling law enforcement if you believe someone is outside of your home.

My parents use to manage a few rentals on our street of Duplexes. They now only manage their own rentals they own. The duplex next door to my Parents Home My Parents had got this young man in for he needed help and since my Mom was managing the place at that time and had quit the job managing the duplex when it was up for rent, she of had a stroke, but still she talked to the owner of the duplex to rent it out to this young man. He is in living next door and our property butts up to his driveway and so when I blow leafs every week, many oak trees, some Leafs will blow onto his driveway. Can you believe his father has a large Landscape company in Granite Bay, our town and this guy comes over while I am blowing and yells at me to not get Leafs on his driveway? There is no possible way this can happen and so a nice man I am I blow the Leafs back into our property. This process near his driveway only takes like 10 min and it’s all clean and I’m away from his driveway. I try not to step a foot on the driveway, sometimes it is impossible when I am cleaning the yard of 3 inches of Leafs. one time he had called his dad and complained that I had stepped on his drive way and blew leafs on it. His dad came over yelling at me to stay off his property and to quit blowing leafs on his driveway, which I had alway blown clean in 10 min. His dad yelling at me on my property and he is chasing me with his fist and had hit me and so the sheriffs came. Again I was blowing leafs cleaning up our yard because it’s the day to do so, and the workers were here to put in our new driveway. The guys Father came on my property, again, chasing me with his fist, and drunk, and calls the cops on me because I was in his driveway, I had stepped on to blow our leafs towards my property. He was chasing me with his fist going to hit me and I had just had plastic surgery nose and mouth dental work, and he is trying to hit my head and missing, swinging at me, drunk, on my property because I blew Leafs on his driveway. Can I get a restraining order on the father who comes on my property and chases me swinging his fist to hit me and drunk all the time? It was so bad and scary because he is way stronger and bigger than I am I had to call the sheriffs. He was chasing me around in my garage and so I had to run into our house. Father does not live there, his son does. He is a Landscaper and understands how Leafs can blow on his driveway when our property butts up to it. 10 min and I’m out of there/ As I am blowing he had already called his Dad up and he drives over to chase me around on my property swinging his fist trying to hit me. He has done this 4 times already. can I get a restraining order on him. I should let him hit me.

Because your situation involves a neighbor and the neighbor’s father, you will need to reach out to law enforcement of a civil attorney regarding your options. WEAVE’s expertise and resources are limited to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking and neighbor disputes are beyond our capacity. 
if unmarried mother and unmarried father had a argument. she leave home with daughter. in this situation father had daughter 5 days a week because mother worked full time and over time. father begged for his child calmly for at the least a month while she hid his child in three homes. she files restraining order against him claiming to fear for her life over a one armed shove. finally she got a custody order in place and was won 5 years full custody and father didnt fight. no matter the way he was punished by her. put in jail with one charge. willingly violating order 3 times. no charges. he took the dv restraining order violation. he told her everyday prior to the order he wouldn’t fight over his child. the fight was cause by mother. moved 3 times as a family the 3 months they got back together after two years she was with another man. married at that. got fired the week she came back to father for sexual misconduct. she had no income. they moved on his dime. she fought each time with the woman of the home they would attempt to move too. father slept in his car while she took baby and herself to parents. father was stressed. since the order tho. he has willingly violating the order and video taping his secret vists with his daughter out in public’s and mothers there willingly letting this happen. can he file she is a lire and only wants control. contempt to court order she placed and stating the facts can he emidietly without going to court get custody order in place to get his child back peacefully asap before she is severed or day of so the child with parents and not anyone else. Custody and implications of violating a protective order (even with the participation of the filing party) are legal questions which must be answered by an attorney. You may qualify for legal assistance from WEAVE if you live in (or the original protective order was filed in) Sacramento County, CA. You can leave a message on the legal line at (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 with a call back number and the legal department will return your call to determine if you qualify for services or to provide other referrals.
I was in a 7 year relationship with a man who began as an emotional and verbal abuser. Mostly, at the beginning there were good times, but he was always controlling about how I dressed, how much I drank, hanging out with my friends while he would go out anytime he pleased. Needless to say, for the first few years things were up and down and led to me drinking to just escape him. He is also an alcoholic. The first time he raped/sodmized me was after a night out. In the morning he said I had been bad and ridiculous and acting like a whore and he raped me. After that, every time I was bad, I was raped. He was also addicted to porn and started wanting to do things I did not want to do but I did for fear of him not loving me. After we bought a house together after 5 years of our relationship, I caught him sodomizing himself in the shower with an object and then found out this was something he had done to himself for years. I think he believed that since his secret was out that now he could make me do whatever horrible things sexually he wanted to do to me. He injured me and continued to belittle me, call me names, and control everything. I finally left after finding his emails to other women on dating sites. I have been living a sober and loving life with a blessing of a man for the past 3 years. I am involved in AA and I go to my regular psychologist, however, I really feel like I need to talk to people that understand these crazy feelings I still get and the flash backs out of nowhere and my inability to trust or treat my boyfriend like he deserves because I still feel broken. Also, I have terrible feelings of guilt because I did not press charges or tell anyone in my exes family so that he could maybe get help. I am truly concerned that another woman wil e subjected to what I was. I truly appreciate any advice/guidance.

The emotions you are feeling are completely normal. It’s also very normal to find that a prolonged sexually abusive relationship can continue to create anxiety, fear, distrust and triggering emotions years later. You can receive free sexual assault counseling at WEAVE. To find out more, please call our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate or you can attend one of our walk in triage appointments to learn more and initiate counseling. Free WEAVE Triage Assessments are available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 – during the following times:
Tuesdays: 12 pm  – 2 pm
Wednesdays: 5 pm – 7 pm
Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
Spanish: Thursdays: 12 pm – 2 pm
 

Child care is not provided. Please make other arrangements for care.

I have been dating an old boyfriend since august 2016. We both ended long term marriages recently within the past two years, so it was easy for us to settle into a relationship of familiarity and comfort. We have been close friends since we were teenagers, I have always considered him a part of my chosen family. In April 2017 I let him move into my apartment so he could “get back on his feet”. To date he has not pitched in at all towards rent or utilities, he does not work, and he has an alcohol problem. Before he moved in he assisted me with a difficult situation involving my daughter and an online predator, but now he does nothing to help out unless it benefits him. I have asked to leave/move out several times, but he says he doesn’t have to since he’s already living here and is on the rental agreement. He claims he has 90 days before he has to leave. Whenever I mention that he needs to pitch in, he brings up the 90 day thing and verbally assaults me. Hours later he says he’ll get a job & leave within 30 days, but that once he’s working I’ll appreciate him and want him to stay. I feel used, I feel like I’m stuck. I love him, genuinely care about him, and I keep thinking that he’ll actually get it together because he feels the same way about me. Whenever I have to he courage to discuss my frustration & expectations he calls me crazy and tells me I’m off of my medication. I have been taking antidepressants since my marriage fell apart & I recently started take anti anxiety medications because of the stress cause by this man. Last night I spoke my mind, I called him a user & a mooch. He verbally assaulted me & made physical threats. Then he contacted the sheriffs department multiple times claiming that I was victimizing him. I want to leave, but the apartment is mine & is filled with my belongings. I don’t think it is fair that I should have to leave to resolve this situation. We have verbally and emotionally abusive fights. He frequently pushes me a point that instigates physical reactions from me, then he hides behind the excuse of self defense to defense so that he can physically retaliate against me. I feel like I am being controlled, manipulated, and heed. I feel as if I am unable to escape this cycle of abuse. He has two personalities, when we are getting along he is charming and loving, I realize that this is just another way of manipulating me.

Your frustration and confusion with the situation is normal. You may find talking with an advocate on our 24/7 Support Line to be validating and helpful – 916.920.2952. The advocate can also provide you with other WEAVE resources including counseling and possible legal assistance. You may also want to contact our Legal Department to learn more about your legal options and referrals for additional assistance. You can call (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 and leave your name and a safe call back number and a legal staff member will return your call.

My husband just got out of rehab and drank on Monday. I went through his phone and found that he connected with a woman in rehab. The last four weeks he’s been asking her to come meet him and he loves her. When I confronted him he grabbed me by my hair and spit in my face. When I read all of their messages I did punch him first and I punched in part in his back when he was passed out on the couch. He got up and was beyond mad and pull back and punch me in my stomach I fell to the ground and couldn’t breathe. He then kicked me and punch me in my back and grab me by the back of my neck. At some point he must’ve grabbed me by the side of my breast because it’s completely bruised. I am not sure what to do because I’m so in love with this man. This is not the first time he’s done this and we’ve been together for two years. He generally has only happened when he’s been drinking I am not innocent either. I have hit him before when and only when he’s put his hands on me first.

While drugs and alcohol never justify violence, the presence of an addiction can contribute to an abusive relationship. Your experience with your husband sounds frightening and you want to reach out to our 24/7 Support & Information Line to talk with advocate about the feelings you are experiencing – 916.920.2952. The advocate can help you process the complex feelings you are experiencing and provide you with referrals to additional resources you may find helpful, including group or individual counseling.
My boyfriend and I live together and he beat me up and got arrested for domestic violence. I have an order of protection. Can he evict me out of spite? Thank you for reaching out. Experiencing violence can be frightening and confusing. Since the assault was reported to police and you have a protective order, you may qualify for legal protections regarding your housing. If you are in Sacramento County, California, please contact our legal program at (916) 440-6797 or (916) 319-4944 and leave a message with a safe call back number. The legal staff can answer your immediate questions and provide you with additional resources. If you live outside of Sacramento County, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area - 1-800-799-7233.

My domestic partner for over 8.5 years has physically and verbally abused me through out our relationship. I have pictures, audio, dates of his abuse which I never got rid of. Finally, I got him to move into his own place. 
I travel for work on a regular basis, so he used the entire month to take my entire home and belongings while I have been gone. On June 3rd, he came to my home while taking more items, he punched my face, breaking my nose and causing a massive discharge of blood. I finally called 911, he fled after seeing the blood and hearing the dispatcher on the other end. I filed a protective order against him and went to court on the 20th. He did not show up and my order was granted by the judge. I just had corrective surgery on my nose and the pain was unbearable after and during recovery. I now have been told, I will need further reconstructive surgery on my nose. I have had to take off from work for court, surgery and now for additional surgery. I need to work as I live pay check to paycheck. My ex makes a very good living and I would like advice on what procedures, I need to sue him for lost wages, surgery, and distress. I am so worried about my car payment, rent, surgery costs, etc. I want this nightmare gone, but I also want to be financially stress free from it as well. Please help, any advice will do.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are so empathetic to your situation and can only imagine how heartbreaking this violence has been for you. We want you to know that we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. We understand that financially you feel you are owed by him for the costs of your physical trauma, and we know of a great resource that may be of help to you. There is a program called “California Victim Compensation Program” for victims of violent crimes, who may be eligible for financial assistance and free counseling services. WEAVE provides assistance in understanding and submitting the required paperwork and responding to requests for additional information. If you would like more information on this program, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and crisis counselors can provide you with more details. Also, in regards to your legal questions, we feel they would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. You may leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. 

Hi, I’m in the state of XX. Is it true that emotional abuse is considered domestic violence?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing violence within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. Here at WEAVE, we define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. All these forms of abuse can be incredibly traumatizing and should be taken seriously. We are so proud of you for reaching out today and breaking the silence, that is no easy task and takes immense courage. If you would like to talk to someone about your experiences or get connected to resources in your area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). You are not alone in this, we are here for you. 

if i was to stay in a safe house how long would i have to stay? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, we do have a Safehouse program that people can stay up to sixty days voluntarily. Other organizations and shelters may have different lengths of stay, and rules regarding that. If you would like more information about our Safehouse program or other one’s within the community please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have a friend who is in a verbal and emotionally abusive relationship. She wants out but is being turned down because he never physically hurt her. She needs a room to get back on her feet. Can you help her? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry that your friend is experiencing violence within your relationship and we want to do everything we can to help her. It is so hard seeing someone you care about in a relationship where she is unsafe and we appreciate you being an advocate for her, she is lucky to have you as a friend. There are many different types of abuse, and the ones you have described should be taken as seriously as other forms, all are damaging and harmful. If you give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, we will be able to help her best. The number is 916.920.2952, please tell her to call, and crisis counselors can assess her situation, connect her to our services or resources within the community that will be the best fit to help her escape this violence and enter a safer situation. 

My mother and I are trying to help my elderly aunt who is struggling with dementia by staying with her so that she won’t be put in the system and spend the rest of her days being neglected in a nursing home. But it’s getting more and more difficult as her illness worsens and she doesn’t believe she needs any help with her condition. Not only has she been verbally abusive but she has gotten violent with us repeatedly. She attacked my mother while she was driving, almost causing an accident and tried to choke her at least once. She has also assaulted me on a few occasions, today being the latest with her slapping me, scratching my face and drawing blood, and trying to choke me. Directly afterward when I pushed her away, she immediately forgot what she had done and claimed I had pushed her for no reason. She has also kicked her dog a number of times as well. 

This may not be the best place to pose this question, but I’m unsure where else to ask. I genuinely don’t want her to end up in a nursing home where she will be drugged up and neglected. I want her to be able to spend as much time in her own home for as long as possible. But the abuse is getting worse.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that you family is going through this, we can only imagine the pain it is causing all of you and we want to help in any way we can. We understand that your aunt is struggling with dementia and it has caused her to respond violently in some situations. While this is not an issue we specialize in as an organization, it is something we have immense empathy for and may have connection to some resources that may be of help to your family. One thing that comes to mind would be to contact Adult Protective Services, 916.874.9377, who may have some suggestions on how to handle the situation, not to take her away but to help you as a family help her. It also may be helpful to speak to her primary care doctor, who should be made aware of the situation and might also have some suggestions on what would be best for her. We have a 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, where crisis counselors have access to our large resource guide, please don’t hesitate to call and we may be able to assess and provide you with more helpful referrals. 

I’m in a relationship right now with a man for two years but I’m currently living in a safe house because of our second domestic violence cases he has and I can’t be in the same house with him . I do love the his man but we both had a substance abuse addiction . I’m now clean of everything and I sign up for an out patient program for the last three months and have not used any kind of drugs and alcohol. I have 75 days . he had a couple of weeks clean and he is back to his old self and not using. But normally it doesn’t last long if we disagree on something he gets so angry at me and basically sabotage me.tonight he apologized to me and even paid off a loan I was struggling to pay off. He wants to get help and is willing to do any thing it takes to better himself. Where should I refer him to start beside counseling because he already has one but she keeps telling to leave me and we love each other we just need someone who’s not so quick to judge. Please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this is not an easy situation and we appreciate your honesty and bravery throughout it. We are so happy to hear that you have worked so hard on gaining your sobriety, we know that is no easy task and takes constant work. We understand that you are reaching out because the man you have been seeing is ready for help? What kind of help is he looking for? Is he wanting to work on his substance abuse issues? Perhaps some sort of group counseling environment for men in similar situations? We have a large resource guide, and if you reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line we can get you connected to services and resources that may be of help to him. The number is 916.920.2952, please feel free to call yourself or give him our number and we would be happy to help him in any way we can. 

My girlfriend hit me in the face in front of our son..and threw him on the bed..I tried to call 911 and didn’t go through not sure why..and I stormed out..its been two days and she is not good to our 11month..I need to know my options. .thanks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this within your relationship, we can only imagine how upsetting this must be. We want you to know that we are here to help you in any way we can. You have several options, it just depends on what action you are wanting to take. Are you wanting to take legal action against her, such as gaining full custody of the child, getting a restraining order, filing an incident report with law enforcement? These are a few of the options. Has something like this happened before? If you would like more advice or further suggestions, please leave a message with our Legal Advocates who can give you legal advice regarding their scope of practice in Sacramento County at 916.319.4944. Leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and your call will be returned within two business days. And please don’t hesitate to reach out to discuss the situation with trained crisis counselors at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 who may be able to provide you with further insight or connection to resources and services that may be of help to you. 
I need help getting my son out of his house. His older brother hit him and broke his jaw. He has since recovered but we both fear it may happen again if my son returns home. Can you help him find a temp place to stay tonight? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, we are sorry that this is happening. We would like to recommend you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 as soon as possible. Trained crisis counselors can assess your family’s situation and provide catered referrals based on the information you provide. If it is not something we can help with, we have access to resources within the community that may be helpful. 

I live close to my brother who IS a pedophile who had sex with his own daughter. I know that, he knows that, his daughters know that, and every other family member knows that, even though he plead guilty to a lesser offense and only spent 10 years on the sex offenders list. Now his youngest daughter who he drugged and raped and had 2 boys by (she doesn’t know about that) also has 2 young girls (10 and 12) and she routinely brings them to his house for sleep-overs, swims, etc. My problem is, I’m not willing to be the one who has him locked up for life, but I cringe every time I think of what’s going on at his house, and his daughter is there at least 4 or 5 days a week with her young girls and her 2 boys who are actually her boys AND her half-brothers. What can I do to stop what is happening without being the “Judas” in the family and sending my brother to jail for the rest of his life?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is occurring within your family, we can only imagine the pain it brings you and we want to do everything we can to help. We understand you feel helpless, pulled between protecting the children but also protecting the family as a whole. We are proud of you for speaking out and breaking the silence, that takes tremendous courage and bravery. We have a few suggestions that may be helpful to you in this situation. You may call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to report you concerns, and we can file a CPS report on your behalf. Everyone who answers the Support Line is a mandated reporter so we would be required to report your concerns.CPS exists to make sure that children are in the safest situations possible, and so they could be helpful in this situation to have an outside force come in and assess their safety. You could also call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 800.422.4453 and report your concerns. These are just a few suggestions, please feel free to reach out for support, we are here for you. 

I am pregnant and the father of the baby is fully aware. We were at a local 24 hr grocery store the other night to purchase one of those week indicator tests for pregnant woman. An argument started when getting ready to leave and instead of arguing i got out of the passenger side where i was sitting and opened the back door to grab my personal bags. With both doors open on my side and the back door opening like what is called suicide doors, he goes to take off while seeing me grabbing my stuff and well aware that the doors are open. With that, he knocks me to the ground so hard i actually slide on the pavement. He stopped and tried to help and wanted me to get back in the car but i wouldnt. The store has video cameras outside and we were right up front so there is proof to him doing this. What kind of charges could he be facing knowing that I’m pregnant?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that this happened to you, it must have been very scary and we are glad to hear that you and the baby are ok. It is never ok for someone to hurt you, and it is especially not ok since you are pregnant, that is very dangerous for both you and the baby. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, you have options, and we are here to support you. First, we feel your question would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates who can answer questions regarding their scope of practice in Sacramento County. To speak to a Legal Advocate, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question, and a Legal Advocate will return your call within two business days. We also offer a variety of other services, such as a Safe Shelter, Counseling, Accompaniment Services, and if you like more information about all the services we do offer, resources available to you within the community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line 916.920.2952. Your safety is more important to us. 
So my husband choked me a year ago he somehow got off the charges even though there were pictures and he went to jail I saw him for the first time with his already new wife …Anyhow I was way to drunk saw them in a bar I went after them . And now I could be facing harassment charges I know this is because justice wasn’t served and I’m struggling with ptsd from what he did to me I’m lost not sure what to do “???? but am currently 50 days clean from drinking .. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we understand this is a very upsetting situation and we are sorry that you are going through this. We recognize that healing from an unhealthy and abusive relationship is no easy task and the trauma can take a long time to work through and process. There is no straightforward path when it comes to healing. We offer a variety of services that may be of help to you in this time, specifically Counseling, and Legal Services. When working towards healing, it is important to feel you have a support system and you are in control of that process, and participating in Counseling can be helpful to that. Through Counseling, you would be in a safe space to process your experiences either in a group environment with other survivors or individually. In regards to Legal, we offer a variety of workshops, (Child Custody, Divorce, and Temporary Restraining Orders), but we also have a Legal Voicemail where people can call with their legal questions as long as it is regarding the legal advocates scope of practice, which is Sacramento County. It could be helpful to discuss your situation with a legal advocate who may be able to give you legal advice on what action you can take. If you would like more information about the services we offer, resources within the community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship; he would give me silent treatments then disregard any feelings I had about our relationship when it came to self esteem. He would also set limits on when I can see friends or family and had such fits about how long it was going to be. We are no longer together but continue talking as I try to get closure. He wants to get counseling with me, but now my family is stressed out to the point of taking action against him and me. How do I reassure both parties that I will be ok?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that you have come a long way in healing from your trauma and we commend you on your strength and courage. We are sorry that you experienced abuse within your relationship, it is unfortunately a very common issue and we want you to know you are not alone in this experience. We know that you are working towards gaining closure on this situation, and we understand why your family may have some concerns about you communicating with him to gain that closure. It is hard to see someone you love in an unsafe, unhealthy situation, and we are sure that they may have some concerns about you returning to that relationship or him manipulating and confusing your healing process. But you are your best advocate, and only you can know what is best for you and your healing process. We would encourage you to still continue finding healing outside of communicating with him so you are gaining coping skills and strength, and perhaps talking with a Counselor alone about your experiences would he help in that closure process as well. We do offer a variety of Counseling services, so if you would like more information about our services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
how can my niece get help? she fled that county with a pending custody case in that county. her in laws have essentially kidnapped her son. and have done it again with the help of the court after she won temporary custody with a restraining order against her ex husband. Sac County wont help because she moved where her family and support was away from the DV. This county wont help because of the pending cases. where can she get a lawyer to help with restraining orders and custody. she has no job and no car.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are very sorry that your niece is going through this scary and upsetting experience, we can only imagine how hard it must be for her and your entire family. We do offer legal workshops regarding both Child Custody and Temporary Restraining Orders but these workshops cover information regarding Sacramento County, we are unsure if that would be helpful to your niece. We would strongly encourage you to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselors can provide resources in your county that could be of help to your niece. That way, we can gather more specific information about the situation and provide personalized referrals. 
My boyfriend moved into my home almost 3 years ago. During this time, violence developed and escalated so much that a couple of weeks ago he put a gun to my head. I’ve had injuries for which I’ve gone to the Dr, but never called the police. I have Dr records, photos, and went to a couple meetings with domestic violence counselor support.

I’ve asked him to move out, but legally, he doesn’t have to. I have to have him legally evicted, which could take 90 – 120 days or more since he’s refusing to leave.

I want to serve him eviction papers, but how can I live with him during that process. If he doesn’t kill me physically, he will emotionally.

California law in this regard is horrible!!!!

Other than move out of my own home for up to 4 months or more, or continue to live in this hell and hope he doesn’t kill me, what can I do to to get him out of my life?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this violence within your relationship and we want you to know you are not alone, we want to do everything we can to help you. We understand that you are wanting your boyfriend to move out due to him creating an unsafe environment. We recognize how hard it is to be your own advocate and recognize when a situation is unsafe, we are so proud of you for having the strength and courage to do so. We believe that there are laws that exist solely to protect people who are in domestic violence situations, so we feel there should be more options rather than having to stay with someone who is endangering your life. Due to the specificity of your concerns and your situation, we feel it would be best approached by one of our many Legal Advocates, who can answer questions regarding their scope of practice within Sacramento County. To speak with a Legal Advocate, please call 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal question, and your call will be returned within two business days. 
How do I get involved with Domestic violence as a volunteer? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we appreciate anyone who shows an interest in giving back to the community, be it through our organization or others. We rely so heavily upon our volunteers in many different aspects of the work that we do, we would be nowhere without them. If you look on our website under the “get involved” tab, you will find a section called “Volunteer” where all the different ways you can contribute your time is outlined. We highly recommend you explore that section and then, if you have any further questions, feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselors can answer any questions you have or connect you with the appropriate party to do so. Thank you again for your interest!
I met my 77 yr old boyfriend 4 yrs ago,at first was so nice and just the man I was looking for after a bad 42 year marriage in domestic relationship. I am in love with the man i meet 4 yrs ago(after 5 yrs after my divorce of my ex-husband. I live alone. this man, will not give his name, would call several times a day, was so nice and caring, then over the 4 yrs would continue at times to be just hateful in words only to me. I would break up, block his numbers, and would not see him for months, then he would come knocking at my door, which he lives 1 hour away from me in another state. I would forgive him and things got better in the relationship so long as I did not upset him or discuss options with him. One of those, was the fact he says he will allow take care of me, and has left everything to me, and that has been 4 yrs now, and I never saw any signs of it, so now I have put my foot down and stated, I want to see that will of yours that you claim i am in it. I want to read it and he said “no”, I will discuss why you cannot when we see each other again. So now I might talk to him, might not, I don’t tell him anything about what i am doing, going, etc. He cannot stand it. We see each other at least 2 times a week or maybe 3 if something is going on. I have caught him in lies. I have broke off with him over 100’s of times in 4 yrs. but he continues to get back into my life. I am divorced and live alone, and almost 70 which is 7 years difference in us. I believe he is very sick and coughs alot and not healthy and for 4 yrs I take care of all his business calls, his ss information and everything for him if he needs me. We go on vacation about 5 times a year and he pays for all and I do all the food prep on the trips. He says he loves me each day, but is controlling, lies, and cannot be trusted anymore, so why can I not move on with my life and just think about him all the time, even when I confront him on issues like this one. (did I mention after the 1st yr, he ask me to marry him and I said yes, but 3 months later, he did not want to marry again) he wife died 3 years before we meet for the 1st time. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE regarding your concerns, we understand how challenging and hurtful this relationship must be for you, and we are sorry you are experiencing this. From what you have shared, it sounds like there are many unhealthy aspects to your relationship, such as the controlling tendencies, verbal, and many others. You described that you have experienced domestic violence in a past relationships, so you understand how challenging it can be to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy, and that there is a lot of manipulation that occurs there in order to to keep the abuser in control. What makes a relationship unhealthy, among many obvious things, is the shift in the dynamics of power and control-it is very one-sided. For example, you said that he uses his will as a way to control you, that would be him maintaining the power and control. It is very hard to leave an unhealthy relationship because of this, almost impossible, but you are not alone in this struggle. Here at WEAVE, we offer many services, such as Counseling, Legal, Safe Shelter, all of which may be helpful to you, specifically Counseling. We offer various forms of Counseling, but one that may be helpful to you would be a group Domestic Violence Counseling, where a safe space is created for all who have been affected by DV to discuss their person experiences, hear other’s experiences, and garner coping and healing skills. For more information regarding our Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I have a temporary order of protection for my husband. We are currently going through divorce and custody proceedings. Well I just checked my credit score and apparently I have a new residence listed where he’s using my social to get an apartment. Is this illegal? Is it a violation of the tpo? Is this considered identity theft? I’m not sure the legalities due to us being still legally married. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we are sorry that you are going through this. We understand how upsetting and confusing this can be and want to do everything we can to help you. Due to the specificity of your questions, we feel they would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates, who can answer questions within their scope of practice in Sacramento County. To reach our Legal Advocates, please leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, an identified-safe number to return your call back at, your legal questions, and your call will be returned within two business days. If you need any more information, be it about our services, access to resources within the community, or support, call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
We have been broke up for about 8 months now that’s when I finally moved out but had to leave my home and kids with him temporarily to do that safely, we have been together 6 years before then and have 2 children together I also have a 9 year old from previous relationship. Our kids are 2 & 3 and even though he has never been directly physically abusive to the kids in front of me or that I know of. He mentally manipulates and abuses everyone around him almost naturally sometimes without realizing. Throughout our relationship he has hit me and been extremely physical not to mention overly obsessively controlling over every aspect of my life from money to friends how I dress to my family ties all helping lead to my move. Since then he still tries to control me and uses our children and my idea of what our happy family should have been to use me and get anything that benefits him. Recently he once again lovebombed me pretty hard with an amazing family weekend for Father’s day (my oldest with her father) this being the last chance I said I would ever give. Half way thru our weekend drama services and surprise there is another (not 1st) woman in his life and once she finds out about us she try to leave him and he flips out on me like it’s my fault and eventually chokes me until strangulation and sends me into a seizure. This whole time our oldest 3yr old boy is watching everything and when I come to they are both over me frantically worried.. him pleading me to stop and clam down it’s going to be ok cause he is so sorry and will be better we will go to counseling and make things right so we can be happy together with our kids. My son very mad with what he just saw his dad do starts to mumble and stutter talking nasty to him. Eventually we go to sleep and it was almost like he was holding me hostage for almost 3-4 days while he tried to beg the other girl to come back and finally I got to leave and take the kids so we are now at my mom’s where he thinks he is getting the kids for “his week” and I don’t want to see them go back alone or without me and I can not trust him but I also know the love my kids also have for their dad and I don’t want to take it away if I don’t have to but I don’t know what to do anymore. I currently have a warrant and cannot even call the police for help if he is attacking me without sending myself too for warrant with non related issue. He keeps them from me if he isn’t happy with me and I don’t want him to be able to do that either.. but he needs to learn he can’t keep hurting me as a form of attempt control and keep me afraid and nervous all the time either… I just want what’s best for my kids what should I do?? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that this is a very scary and intense situation, we are so sorry you are experiencing this violence within your relationship. We commend you for your strength and courage and want to do everything we can to help you. We understand that you are concerned about going to law enforcement about this situation due to your current warrant, and want to know what action would be best to take in order to protect yourself and your children. We would suggest that you reach out to our Legal Advocates regarding this situation, whose scope of practice is Sacramento County, in order to get the best advice on what you can do, legally. You can contact our Legal Advocates by leaving a message at 916.319.4944 and they will return your call within two business days. When you leave a message, please leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and your legal question. Please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to crisis counselors who can help connect you to our services, resources within the community, and provide you with support. We are so sorry you are experiencing this, and hope that the Legal Advocates will be able to provide you with the support you need. You are not alone in this, we are here to help you. 

5 year’s of being together & I was provided for and told I was loved. There was always abuse. Not just words, ugly horrible things said. Not just a slap, hair pulling, or pushing, there were beatings, kicking, broke furniture over me, and then now finely a gun. I’m in a safe place now (I hope) it’s over for me & him. There is no future for us together. I’m 48 & still a little in shock I think, but I want to know is it possible that he ever loved me? Is he capable of caring for me at all if he made me beg for my life, beat me with the gun, choked me till I passed out, broke my phone and instructed me to leave. Is there any way he could of loved me? After all he’s done unprovoked?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we can only imagine how you must be feeling and we want you to know that you are not alone in this, you have support here. We also want you to know that it takes tremendous courage, strength, and bravery to leave an abusive environment and we are so proud of you. It is difficult for us to answer your question because abuse and domestic violence is not a straight-forward issue, there are many complex factors that are involved. But we want you to know that this is a question we are certain many people who have experienced abuse and have left abuse have asked. We wish there was a yes or no answer. There could be very real elements of love within an abusive relationship but hurting someone is never ok. We understand that there is a lot of trauma that remains after leaving an abusive environment and we feel you may benefit from some of our Counseling services. We offer a variety of counseling services, from group to individual, and it may be helpful to be in a safe space where other people may have had similar experiences and are struggling with the same kinds of questions. If you feel this may be something you could benefit from and would like more information about how to receive our Counseling services, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

needing legal help my daughter beat me up the shireff that day did not take my statement ,i need to know legaly what i can do about this

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are going through this, we understand this must be incredibly scary and upsetting and we want to do everything we can to help you. Although we cannot answer legal questions on the message boards, we feel it would be helpful for you to speak to one of our Legal Advocates to learn more about what you can do, legally, in this situation. To contact them please leave a message at 916.319.4944 with your name, a safe-identified phone number, and your legal questions and an advocate will return your call within two business days. If you have any other questions, would like to know more about our services, get connected to resources within the community or just support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

[EDITED POST] In the 1970’s I was repeatedly assaulted by a law enforcement officer. I believe he is connected to other crimes. Does Weave know of any way I can be assured to collect reward money? This man has made my life miserable and I have contemplated suicide.

We are very concerned about your well-being and contemplation of suicide. Please call the national suicide hotline for immediate support should these thoughts come back 1.800.273.8255. Having read your entire post, We hear your concerns that you will not be believed. Let it be known that none of what you experienced is your fault and you did not deserve what happened to you. We are limited in the amount of support we can provide online but please call our support and information line if you would like further support: 916.920.2952. Unfortunately, we can not assure any way of collecting reward money as our agency doesn’t handle such rewards. We truly hope you find the support and answers you seek.
I am in the beginning of a very stressful custody battle. My 3 year-old’s father has done everything to try and make me lose custody. He has lied to the court, filed several false CPS reports, stalked my home and have tried to have me evicted, and have called the police over 30 times in a 2 year time span. The attacks are constant. 
Due to his erratic behaviors, he temporarily lost custody. 

He told a friend of his that he wanted me dead. He told her that he would use his gun or hire a hit man. His friend was so afraid, she got a restraining order against him. 

I moved as soon as I heard about the threats. I don’t know what to do. I know he will file papers again with the courts but I don’t think they will care. I am afraid they will grant him custody again and he will harm me during a custody exchange. Is there anything I can do? I do not think the courts will care about my or my son’s safety so I do not feel safe going there for help. 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are experiencing such alarming threats and violence, we want to do everything we can to help you. We would like to start by saying that despite the lack of response from law enforcement or even the courts, we are proud of you for advocating for yourself and your child, that is no easy task and takes a very strong, brave person. The threats that have been made against your life are terrifying and illegal, and should be taken very seriously. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. Our legal advocates can answer questions regarding their scope of practice in Sacramento County. To leave a message, please leave you name, a safe-identified number to return your call at, your legal question at 916.319.4944, and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. If you have any other questions, would like to know more about what services we offer, get connected to resources within your community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. And please, if you ever feel you are in danger, regardless, call 911. 
When a father throws his wife and young children out what can they do. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question, this sounds like a very scary situation and we appreciate you advocating on behalf of this mother and her children. There are many different housing options for people within this community, depending on their situation, so we would strongly encourage you provide the mother with our 24/7 Support and Information Line. That number is 916.920.2952. Trained crisis counselors can speak with her to assess her situation personally and provide her with resources best suited to her circumstances. 

I live in XXXXXXXXXX I had assaulted my girlfriend when I was 21 and she was on meth. She said rape but I plead guilty to what i did and that’s hit her pretty hard. She hit clean i did 52 classes we got married had kids. It was rocky off and on some mutual abuse but my was bad emotional. 13 years later tells me about a program to collect her restitution from that one time. I brushed it off and said its up too you. She kept picking arguments and told Me one night she was out with some guy I threatened both and then she slapped Me with a restrain order for her and kids. I never hurt the kids and I wasn’t what she said I was. Havnt spike to her since I see her around my neighbour hood needing underground railroaded from home to home. So that is part of program ive read even she mention out earlier the year before. Can she really just get away with this and why the kids I am a good father everyone knows. Now people won’t talk to me is my pic up some where? I miss my boys. I am bad with my mouth. And memorial dumbness.. Is this what it has to be. She’s not afraid of Me. She showed up to my nieces birthday party lied at me and said you need to go

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand you are upset about this situation and we are sorry that you are going through this. It is hard for us to provide you with specific advice based on the information you have provided here but from what we understand it sounds like you have some legal concerns. Based on where you are located, there are lots of legal resources that may be helpful to you in this situation. Our legal team serves those in Sacramento County, so if that applies to you please don’t hesitate to leave a message at 916.319.4944, where a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. Please leave your name, a safe number to return your call at, and your specific legal question. If you are located outside of Sacramento County, we would recommend you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to get connected to resources in your area. 
Why would the supervisor of weave believe a girl against another girl roomie, the the other was mistreating her. No proof. Begin to join in with the untruthful advisery. Making innocent intentions into a bad face for the real victim. SHAMED Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are very sorry that you are in this situation where you feel unfairly treated, we want you to feel heard and safe. Do you feel unsafe in your living situation with your roomie? If so please check in with staff to see how they can help remedy this situation. They are there to help you feel safe and to help you feel empowered. Communication is vital to a successful relationship where both parties feel respected so we would highly recommend you express your feelings and concerns with staff so they can help you with anything you may need. You can always reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your feelings with crisis counselors and they will help provide support and resources if need be. 
I’m with this girl who threatens to kill herself every time. I go to brake up with her she also says that she will live on the streets if I kick her out what do I do Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand this is a very difficult situation to be in and we are sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship. It is hard for us to provide you with clear-cut advice based solely on the information you shared here but what we can say is that emotional manipulation is never ok within a relationship, that is a controlling-type of behavior, and shows that your girlfriend is not listening to your needs or desires. We would advise that if you do believe she has serious means of harming herself to share that information with a trusted adult. In regards to her living situation, there are many housing options for her within the community, and if she would like to discuss those with a crisis counselor please give her the number to our 24/7 Support and Information Line 916.920.2952. 
Recently my sister and her husband were involved in a domestic dispute at my home. He fractured her skull and broke her nose. Feeling badly about her situation and finding out how severe his consequences could be she asked me to take fault so that they can work on things because she wanted her family back together and the state placed a no contact order on them. 
Obviously I declined her bizarre request and now she’s trying to say I had hit her because she’s upset and I initially called the police on them. 
Since then she’s harassed me and said she will make my life hell because I ruined hers by calling the authorities. 
I had a lot of potted plants destroyed on my front lawn/porch and I didn’t know she had done it until later. Not to mention she has stolen some of my clothing. 
Long story short she’s been going back and forth to family members causing issues trying to get them upset with me and be on her side. 
Can I actually get in trouble for this? Truth is I would love to help her and her husband get out of this mess get them counseling and help them better themselves. 
I know it’s very unlikely. 
Today I asked her about an expensive jacket of mine she had been wearing the night of the dispute. 
She messed up and said. It got ruined from blood when he broke my nose. 
Is that a reliable confession and will that hold up in court if she tried to pursue false charges against me. 
My heart is broken because I love my sister and dong want any of this to be happening. But I refuse to take blame for something I did not do.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that your sister is putting you in some very difficult situations and is causing stress within your family and we are so sorry that this is happening. It sounds like your sister is in a very manipulative and unhealthy relationship and you were doing what you thought best to help her. We are sorry that she cannot see that. We would highly recommend you reach out to our Legal Advocates regarding this issue and they may have some advice that could be helpful to you. Please call at 916.319.4944, leave your name, a safe, identified number to return you call at, and your legal questions and they will return your call within two business days. We hope that one day your sister will realize what you did may have saved your life, and took tremendous courage to do so. 

Ten years ago escaped an ex that was violent for years with children and myself. Court case after court case, restraining orders etc. Children are college aged now. Over the years different harassing issues would occur. Now family members of the ex are coming to my job and house. It stopped for a year, now has started again. I am a professional in a medical practice, so I either have to leave my practice or …. any advice?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing these continued threats and harassment, we can only imagine how upsetting that must be and we want to do anything we can to help you. Due to the specificity of your question (regarding what actions to take to protect yourself), we feel it would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. Please call 916.319.4944, leave a message with your name, an identified safe number to return your call, and your question, and a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. 
should you tell your child about your abusive past if the abuser is out of jail and in the area you are in.  Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that you are wondering if you should share with your child about your past trauma, that is a very challenging situation to be in. Without knowing more details about the child, such as their age and involvement/ relationship to abuser, we feel your question would be best answered by one of our WEAVE Counselors. They might be able to work with your to discuss you feelings surrounding sharing with your child, and perhaps even how to handle that conversation when and if the time comes. If you would like to discuss this with a counselor, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about receiving Counseling services. 
My life since childhood has been filled with extreme violence. I was in an abusive relationship for many years. I am divorced now. I moved to a new city with my children to restart my life. Fear follows me. Two weeks ago, for example, I woke up one night to see in the darkness an intruder inside our apartment. I ran outside and called the police on my cell phone. The man was arrested still inside the apartment with my children. I wish I had a normal life. Months ago I joined a gym. A gym membership is the only luxury I spend for me and my children. I’m eating much healthier foods now. I have cut out almost all junk food. I gave up on some other unhealthy habits. I used to sleep all night with the television on. I don’t do that anymore. I started washing dishes after meals. I started doing laundry regularly. We keep our apartment clean and organized now. It is easier now because I don’t have items most families have. I lost weight. I am now at a healthy weight, the lowest weight I have been since I was in college. My doctor says I’m actually physically very healthy. But the truth is I really don’t live. I just survive. I go to work. I go home. My life is busy helping my children with homework and family activities. I don’t even have time anymore for television. I don’t get out like most divorced people. I was faithful when married. After my divorce I have never gone on a date. I don’t even really know how to date. At the library, because I have no internet at our apartment, I look at faces on dating web sites, read what people write, get terrified I don’t measure up, and log off the website. I just don’t have the self-esteem or money to even date. I am starting my life over from scratch. I have college degrees but I am poor. I currently have $10.82 in my checking account. My savings account has $1.02. Right now I have on hand $14 cash and some change. One day last week my entire food for the day was two bags of popcorn. The following day I ate only a can of vegetables and a banana a coworker provided me. I do have food but worry my children will not have any. I tell myself I need to lose some more pounds anyway. I have been attending an eating disorder group to get myself help. Today I rode my bicycle 28 miles because I told myself I needed the exercise. Really it is because I don’t have any gas left in my car. I live paycheck to paycheck. Last week I met with a psychologist provided by my health insurance. It was supposed to be a one hour meeting. I was with her for two and a half hours. The psychologist told me she wanted me to get all kinds of intensive help. I am overwhelmed as it is. I have an extremely stressful job. I can’t be gone from work all the hours she recommends to attend classes. I can’t even afford the copays. Yesterday my children asked me to take them to Disneyland. I can’t even afford to take them to a $4.00 movie. I feel like I am living on the edge all the time. Do you think what I’m living is normal, ordinary, and/or expected for people escaping a violent past? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how challenging this has all been for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. We commend you for your strength and courage through this terrifying situation, what you and your family have been through is not easy, but we are proud of you. It seems as though your living circumstances are incredibly challenging and your history with trauma certainly adds an additional layer to these everyday challenges. We are happy to hear that you have been talking to someone (such as attending an eating disorder support group and seeing a psychologist), hopefully you can continue to attend these type of sessions and discussing the challenges you are facing. Self-care is vital to your mental and emotional health, we encourage you to find things to do daily to bring yourself some peace and comfort, such as drawing, listening to music, going for a walk, even if it is just for 5-10 minutes. Practicing this not just in times of hardship will help your cope when challenges do come your way. We have many resources that may be of help to you, so please call us on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak to a trained crisis counselor who can assess your situation individually and help refer you to programs and resources within the community that could help ease some of the challenges you are facing. We are here to support you, you are not alone in this. 
My sister was involved in a dv her fiancee attacked her charged at her like a bull, she defended herself by pushing him away. He made it look like she attacked him. He video taped everything apparently.
I arrived to find her crying and her face red, he also punched her on the head a couple of times. I called the cops, he was arrested and now can’t contact her or see his kids. Plus their kids were present on watching all this. Did I do right by calling the cops?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are very sorry that this happened to your sister but she is very lucky to have you as a support and advocate for her well-being. We understand how confusing and upsetting situations like these can be, and if someone is being harmed/in danger, it is always important to contact law enforcement. That is something we stress and inform every person who calls our Support and Information Line or writes in on message boards. We commend you for what you did for your sister, she and her children are in a much safer situation now. If they need any help, resources within the community, or support, please give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952. Crisis counselors can assess her situation and connect her with services and resources that may be helpful. 
Hi, my son is best friends with a young lady I’ve known for many years. She’s been in an abusive relationship for a long time now, and after the boyfriend raped her a few weeks ago, she did finally leave. My son informed me that she’d been sleeping in a field for the last five days since she left. She has no family who cares for her, no money and no job. She told my son she wanted to kill herself. 
I provided my son with your support number with the hopes that she would reach out to you. I’m so worried she will hurt herself.. And I’m not sure where else to turn to help her gain safe shelter – even if it’s temporary.

Then this morning, my son called to tell me that the boyfriend was in a fatal car accident last nite, and that she has been sleeping in cars for the last four nights. I’ve reached out to her via text and am hoping I will hear back.

I am very worried about her – is there any support you can give her? She is so fragile and after all of the abuse, I know that she needs counseling and guidance to help her get back on her feet. 

I am a worried parent who cares about this girl – she is 21, but she’s been on her own for many years now. 

Please let me know if you think you can help her and I will ask her to reach out to you.
Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we appreciate you reaching out and being such a strong advocate for this young lady. We have many services that would be helpful to her, and giving her our Support Line number would be the first step in helping her. Some services we offer include: Counseling for survivors of violence such as Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (both group and individual), Legal Advocacy and Workshops, Accompaniment Services (Court, Law Enforcement Interviews, etc), and a Safe Shelter Program. We feel many of these services would be helpful to the circumstances described, and we want to do everything we can to help her. Please give her our Support Line number, 916.920.2952, and trained crisis counselors will assess her situation individually and do everything they can to provide her with referrals, support, and connect her to services to get her in a safe, supportive environment. 
I think i have been dating a narcissist or sociopath the past 2 years. He has instigated numerous fights. Both verbal and physical and when i react he tells me thank you because he admits to storing away proof of me being the crazy one and him the victim. Hes threatened to ruin my life. Not like he didnt already mangle it in the meantime. I need to know when its safe to go to the police. I feel like they may not believe me. What do i do? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this violence in your relationship, we empathize with how scary and upsetting that must be for you. We are so proud of you for breaking the silence and speaking out to end this violence, that takes tremendous courage and bravery and we recognize that. We understand that you are unsure of when it is the best time to involve the police in your situation, and we can recommend a few things. First, document absolutely everything, we know that sounds tedious and maybe silly, but every instance of abuse you should document so you have specifics for when you do decide to report to the police. Also, if you are ever in danger, please call 911 immediately. Even if you are afraid they won’t believe you, you need to be safe that is most important. And, you can always file a report so you have a paper trail of the incidents that can help you later on, say if you want to file for a restraining order or further legal action. We would also like to give you our Legal Voicemail number, 916.440.6797, where you can call, leave your name, a safe-identified phone number to return your call at, and you legal question. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days and give you more specific legal advice. 
I called 911 ,3 weeks ago to report an incident between me and my boyfriend.my kids from a prior relationship were being dropped off back at home by there dad and his wife. My boyfriend made me agree that now that we were back together I wouldn’t let my kids see there dad or I wouldn’t have any further communication.he was really insecure about me having contact with any man even my own kids dad. I had went behind his back and allowed the kids to see him. I planned on the kids coming back home before my boyfriend got home,but he left work early. Long story short. My boyfriend goes upstairs to get gun and points it at my kids father then at me. He forces me in car paranoid my kids father is going to come back with a gun because he threatened him. He takes my phone. And brings me back to house 2 hours later . I called police next morning while kids were at school. I didn’t want police there while my boyfriend was at home because he had a gun and I know he would have been mad about me calling. I have not pursued charges against this because I know he will be in jail for a long time and we have a 4month baby together and I’m pregnant again now. I do want to press charges against an incident that happens 4 weeks ago, where he caught me on the phone, I’m not allowed on the phone when he’s home. He went to the store and I made a quick call to babysitter to check on kids. He hit me so hard in the eye that I’m permanently blind out of it. I’ve undergo surgery. Still can’t see. When I bring up getting charges pressed against him on this he denies doing it and says I have no proof. I have pictures of my eye and doctors report. I don’t want him in trouble to loose his job. I just want him to get help and pay for my medical expenses. What can I do? Am I able to hold him accountable for what he did? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we cannot imagine how upsetting and scary this situation must be for you, and we want to do everything we can to help you. We are so very sorry you are experiencing such intense threats and violence within your relationship, no one deserves to be treated this way and to live in such fear. We are also very proud of you for the steps you have taken to protect yourself and your family, that takes courage. We understand that making the decision to press charges against someone who is not only the father of your child can be hard, but also this person has shown to have very scary, intense, violent reactions, and has abusive, and controlling tendencies. It is not ok for someone to punch you so hard in the face that you have blindness in one eye, it is not ok for someone to threaten your life with a gun or that of your children, it is not ok for someone to control who you call and where you go. We want to help you, you have options, you are not alone in this. In regards to what legal actions you can take to protect yourself, we would strongly recommend you call and leave a message at our Legal Voicemail, which is 916.440.6797. Legal advocates will return your call within two business days as long as you leave your name, a number that is identified as safe to return your call at and identify themselves as calling from WEAVE, and your legal question/situation. WEAVE offers services such as Counseling, Legal Workshops, and also a Safe Shelter program, and to learn more about what services we offer please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained crisis counselors will take your call at any hour and help provide you with the best services and resources to help you escape this violence. 
My sister is 30 and I am 21 and 5 months pregnant. We live in the same house. She attacks me verbally when she can but the other day she fought me and was kicking me in my stomach. Im scared for my unborn child. What can i do for my next steps to be safe. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are experiencing violence. What you are experiencing is very real and very scary and no one deserves to be treated this way. Since you are pregnant and you mentioned your sister had kicked you in the stomach, that is very worrisome and we would recommend you see your primary care doctor as soon as possible. You have many options, and you are not alone in this. If you call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, trained crisis counselors can assess your situation individually and provide you with referrals that would be most helpful in your situation, like medical care, safe housing, counseling services, even safety planning, etc. We want you and your unborn child to be in the safest environment possible. 

My daughter invited us from out of state to baby sit for her to work n go to dr she 7 mths pregnant because she wanted to tell me what to do and I would not babysit for her n boyfriend to go out mothers day she got mad told me I had to move in the short time we was there I seen miss abuse of 3 year old grandbaby so 2 days later she let us in I was outside listening to my music to keep problems down my friend. Went inside my daughter told her we had to move I went in told her she not a good mother she not careful GA will take them she threw my three yold grandson across room split my head open punched me a lot of times I thew my hands up not to hit her her boyfriend grabbed me and my 53 yold friend 100 percent disabled around living room some how I ended up outside head bleeding choke marks around my neck police came treated me like I attacked her now no where to live very little money till the third what happens next

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are experiencing so much abuse and violence from your daughter, we want to do everything we can to help you. It sounds like you are in a very unsafe environment and are needing to find somewhere else to live. Our organization has a lot of resources that may be helpful to you, such as Counseling services but also we have a large resource guide for housing options within the community. The easiest way to access those referrals would be to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where you can speak to trained crisis advocates who can help you find the housing referrals best suited for your situation. You are not alone in this, you do not deserve to be treated this way, and we are so sorry that this is happening. 

My 60 year old mom has been dating a 32 year old/ felon for the last two months and recently messaged me telling me she was scared for her life. I told her to kick him out or leave the apartment that they share (she pays the rent) but she refuses because she “is in love with him” and she “knows too much” and he has threatened to kill her and her family (me and my siblings). I’m scared for her safety but she keeps making excuses and won’t leave the relationship because she doesn’t want to be lonely. Is there anything I can do or can I call the police? Or will that make things worse?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, it’s so hard to see someone you love in an unhealthy and violent situation and we commend you for your unconditional support and advocacy for your mother. There are a few things that can happen: Adult Protective Services could be contacted, the boyfriend’s probation officer could be contacted, but what we would recommend first is contacting one of our legal advocates to get their legal advice on the matter. You may contact them by leaving a message on the Legal Voicemail, 916.440.6797. and they will return your call within two business days. And, if you ever have serious concerns about your mothers safety, please don’t hesitate to contact law enforcement. If you have any further questions, would like more information about the services we offer, or need support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

The guy I put in prison for felony DV is getting out of prison. I am worried he will come for me and our baby. Should I be worried?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand the anxiety surrounding an abuser being released from prison and we are here to support you. What you are experiencing is very real, very scary, and very frustrating. Due to the specificity of your question we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. To leave a message with our legal advocates, please call our Legal Voicemail at 916.440.6797 and an advocate will return your call within two business days. Please know that you are not alone in this and we have services that may be helpful to you, such as Counseling or Community Resources. Call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like more information regarding our services, or support. We are here for you, you are not alone. 
what do i need to do i am scare the man is going to kill me and take my kids ever time i think hes gone he breaks in and start beating on me in front of my kids what can i do please help me Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing violence within your relationship and we want to do everything we can to help you. If you are ever in danger or feel a threat of danger towards yourself or your children, it is adamant that you call 911 immediately. It is never ok for someone to put their hands on you, and it is not ok for children to be in that environment or in harm’s way. One service we provide is our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselor’s standby ready to help provide you with support and resources. One thing you may consider is calling the Support Line to discuss safety planning in case you experience this violence again. We are so sorry that this is happening, we are here for you, you are not alone, and you have options. 

My boyfriend’s elderly mother has gotten physically violent with family and friends. On one occassion, she pushed his daughter violently. Last night, she grabbed one of his friend’s by the throat. I’m concerned about the safety of all who come into contact with her, especially the grandkids. My boyfriend is not addressing the situation. I’m trying to find out the best course of action before I discuss it further with my boyfriend. 

Her violence is unacceptable and I, personally, won’t go over to his house anymore. I left a violent situation 22 years ago and I am never going back to that environment ever again. 

Who can I call for help, what will they do (APS?), and what is their process? 
My boyfriend has limited funds. She has insurance but also has limited funds. She has become irritable and unpredictable. Please help.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we can only imagine how scary this situation must be for all parties involved, and we commend your strength and empowerment. It is never ok for someone to harm someone else, your feelings about this situation are very real and valid. Due to the specificity of your situation, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates, if you would like to speak with one of our legal advocates please leave a message at our Legal Voicemail at 916.440.6797, and they will return your call within two business days. Please leave your name, a safe number to return the call at, and your legal questions. If there is ever a situation where someone is harming someone else or people are in danger, we would strongly recommend law enforcement become involved, and then many legal steps can be taken to protect those whoa re being harmed, such as pressing charges or getting a restraining order. If you have any further questions, want resources within the community, or need support, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
My girlfriend and I broke it off last year after I found her verbally and mentally abusive. After a year, we made up and I went back to her to try and make things better for our kids. About every 2 months she drinks and gets angry and smashes things or brings up my past or any female friends I have.. I try to endure for the kids sake.. we make up and have a few good months etc. 
last week she was drunk and nearly crashed my truck. I got to her and gave her a ride home. When we got home, she locked me out. After an hour of pleading, she still wouldn’t open the door. I had to call a deputy to get her to open the door. After she found out I called, she then said, “ok I’m opening the door”. I explained to her that if I had to call a deputy we would be over, because I’m law enforcement and being in a volatile situation can jeopardize my job. She began to verbally harangue me on the sidewalk as I waiting for the deputy to respond. After the deputy arrived, I was able to get most of my belongings and go to my parents. I refuse to go back. I feel good about my move but have guilt for my kids. Am I making the right move?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you were experiencing so much violence and abuse within your relationship and we commend you on your courage and bravery. In relationships where abuse is occurring, it is nearly impossible for many reasons to leave, and it takes strength to do so. We support you in this difficult decision you made because it wasn’t only a decision you made for yourself but for the well being of your children as well. No one deserves to be hurt or abused, and leaving a relationship where there was a clear cycle of abuse is deciding that you deserve to be treated differently, that you deserve better. We are here for you, we are proud of you, we support you. If you need any help with anything, perhaps Child Custody, or if you would like to pursue Counseling services, please don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

I cannot afford to move away from the abuse where he cannot find me. Are there temporary rentals until I save up enough money to move into and where I want to go?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions, we understand how scary and realistically challenging it can be to escape abuse and we are so proud of your courage and bravery in this situation. It is not easy to leave an abusive partner, and recognizing that this is no longer a relationship safe for you to be in is one of the hardest things to do, it takes a very strong person. We want you to know that you are not alone in this, we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. In regards to your question about temporary housing, there are lots of options for people trying to escape domestic violence within the community. There are safe shelter programs, temporary housing, transitional housing, low-cost housing, many options. If you would like to explore some of these options further with a trained crisis counselor, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Hi, I live with my boyfriend and his mom, and she had said that if she ever wanted to beat me up she could in her house and she wouldn’t go to jail cuz it’s her house. Is this true

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing threats like this and we want to do everything we can to help you. No matter the circumstances, it is never ok for someone to make threats to harm you. It is not legal in any situation for someone to make threats of injury against you. If you would like more clarification or specifics regarding the laws surrounding harm or threats of violence, please feel free to contact our legal voicemail where legal advocates can return your call within two business days and can answer any questions you have as long as it is within the scope of their practice, which is Sacramento County. To contact that voicemail, leave your name, a safe number to return your call, and you legal question at 916.319.4944. 

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I caught him cheating on me and confronted him and the girl in person. I threw drinks at them at the restaurant and now the girl has filed a police report against me. In response to that, he physically hurt me and destroyed my phone and followed me in his car back to my friends house where I am staying at. The apartment we used to live in is in his name and he has threatened to not let me in to get my personal belongings. He also has access to my car, he has the spare keys and alarm. What should I do and how can I gain access to the apartment to get the rest of my stuff? He said that he changed the locks and I do not want to go back there alone. What should I do…

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this is a very scary and upsetting situation and we are so sorry that you are experiencing this. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates here at WEAVE who can be reached at the Legal voicemail, which is 916.440.6797. Please leave your name, an identified safe number to return your call at, and your legal questions. If you are unable to wait to retrieve your items until a legal advocate can advise you, we always suggest safety is the best options. Contact law enforcement to accompany you to retrieve what you need, or perhaps even a friend can accompany you and provide an extra presence of safety. Please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 if you would like any information about the services we offer, other resources within the community, or emotional support. 

I have been with my boyfriend since I was 19 years old. I am now 33. He is 20 years older then me and very controlling. I am not allowed to keep my pay check if he allows me to work. We have a 9 year old son together, who he does not abuse. Currently I am pregnant and afraid he will make me either lose my child or abort our baby. This is my third pregnancy and I want to keep my child. I have been pregnant one other time and was forced to have an abortion. Since the abortion I have dealt with depression in the past , so being pregnant feels like a blessing. Over the years I have been forced to cut ties with all of my siblings, family and even friends. The only person he has allowed me to speak to is my mother from time to time. He is constantly telling me what to eat, what to wear even what to think. He doesn’t hit me often , but has threatened to harm my family if I leave. Being pregnant I’m in fear for my child’s life because I don’t know what he will do he finds out. He moved us from my hometown of XX to XX where I know no one but some of his family members. He sent for my mom to stay with me and my son while he went to XX for a visit. His family is constantly at the house and drive by unannounced whenever they feel to keep an eye on me. I want to leave but I have no money and I’m very afraid to stay here. I refuse to call cops because I’m worried he will hurt my mother or me and I have a son to raise. Are there any options for help besides calling the cops? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you concerns, we are so sorry you are experiencing violence within your relationship and we want to do everything we can to help you. WEAVE is a Sacramento, CA based organization so if you are outside this area, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233). By contacting them you can be connected to organizations and services in you area. You may benefit from a safe shelter program, legal guidance on what actions you can take to protect yourself and you family, medical services, and even Counseling services to understand the trauma you have experienced within your relationship. We understand that you are experiencing some very real threats regarding you and your family’s safety but it is never ok for someone to harm you, and if you ever feel that you are in danger it is imperative that you protect yourself and call 911. 

Hello my friend has a mother in law that abuses him verbally and has his step children disrespect him and not listen to him when he is their father figure there real dad left them and my buddy took the father role when he did not have to its been years and she always has the kids acting up and she pushes them to the floor and grabs there hair out of anger from nowhere I feel she is sick in the head she says sorry and one month later acts the same what can be do its so wrong and sad

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that your friend is experiencing this but we commend you for being such a great advocate for him. It isn’t easy to see your friend in a violent situation, especially when there are children involved. Abuse of any kind is never ok or deserved, no matter the circumstances. WEAVE offers many services to people who are trying to escape violent environments, and what might be most helpful would be to give your friend our 24/7 Support and Information Line, 916.920.2952, and we can evaluate and assess his situation and provide him with referrals and connect him to resources that will best aid him. 
Hi, I am a dv, sexual assault survivor in my late 50s. I rent rooms in my home to make ends meet after being injured in car accident. A tenant in his 20s is acting a lot like my past abusers, but he has not been violent to me YET. He’s combative, has guests/poss felon over long term, says there’s not much I can do, to ‘call the police’. After fighting, he is often apologetic, or gives silent treatment. He tells me he ‘loves me’, and pressures me to hug him, asking ‘do I scare you’. He triggers me badly & I am jumpy around him. I told him not to try to hug me. I don’t trust him. How do I evict him with least chance of violence? He’s been here over a year. Thank you all and be strong. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are experiencing this, it sounds incredibly scary and upsetting. It sounds like your tenant is putting you in unsafe and uncomfortable situations, and it makes sense why some of his actions would be triggering to your history with domestic violence. What may be helpful would be to look over the terms of the lease you had him sign to see what legal claims you have to evict him. Due to the specificity of your question, it would also be good to contact our legal advocates. You can leave a message with them at 916.440.6797, and they will return your call within two business days. When you leave your message, be sure to leave your name and a safe, identified phone number to return your call at. If you ever feel that you are in danger, never hesitate to call 911, your safety is priority. 
My boy friend and I got into a big argument because he didnt want me to break up with him so he threatened to take his life with my gun. he went out side and shot the gun. Scared the life out of me but he only shot it in the air and then left quickly i called the police because I was scared of what he might do to himself. The police came and asked all kinds of question about him and us. He has a felony on his record from when we were teens. So my question is will the police arrest him for shooting the gun since he is a felon? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this must have been a very scary thing to go through and we are so sorry you are experiencing violence within your relationship. It is never ok for someone to threaten to hurt you or intimidate you with a weapon. Unfortunately we cannot answer legal questions on our Message Boards. However, you may call our Legal Voicemail where a legal advocate will return your call within two business days. Our legal advocates can answer questions within the jurisdiction of Sacramento County. The number is 916.440.6797. When you call, leave your name, a safe number to return your call at, and your legal question. What is most important is that you are safe and not experiencing violence. If you ever feel scared or that you are in danger, call 911. 
Can you advise a survivor about communication with her adult daughter who carries obvious anger from years ago? I don’t know what to say anymore. I’ve apologized and tried to explain repeatedly but she can’t hear me. I feel like she is punishing me. Her viewpoint and feelings are valid. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand how upsetting this situation must be for you and we want to do everything we can to help you. Although the abuse you experienced occurred many years ago, the trauma from that can last for many years. We are sure that your daughter also experienced some trauma from your experience with domestic violence and that trauma may be affecting her abilities to cope and communicate properly. We feel that it may be beneficial for her to receive some Counseling services, perhaps even in a Group environment where she can share her experiences and hear from people who have gone through similar trauma. For more information on our Counseling services or any other services we offer, feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
My wife is not working and just studying part-time/ and does not manage the homely chores also. She want to be like a welfare queen. She is always complaining of my not giving her enough money and sharing all bank and other family information with her including people I call or who call me and message me. My brother and parents are living separately and they contact me often and consult me on other family matters. She does not want me to contact them or I should share information. I wanted to consult a lawyer and got help from my father and brother as they know one. I prepared some point to discuss which I shared with them. She saw my office laptop open when I went to toilet and check all my personal mails, took pictures. Is this a legal? She wants to put the mails in social media to prove that I am not treating her well as well as my family. Is this blackmailing? Are both actions felony and would she be incarcerated if I report about it? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that you have some very serious concerns about your wife mistreating you and making threats against you and we are sorry you are experiencing that within your relationship. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by one of our Legal Advocates. Our legal advocates cannot answer any questions outside of their jurisdiction which is Sacramento County. If you would like to reach our Legal Advocates, please leave a detailed message at 916.440.6797. In that message, please include your name, an identified safe number that we can call you back at and identify ourselves as calling from WEAVE, and your legal questions. An Advocate will return your call within two business days. If you have any other questions, concerns, would like to know more about what services we offer, or would like some support, call us anytime at our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
What should I do when my twin sister is abusing me? We’re in our 20s now and we’ve always been together – we’re just so similar in many regards, and she’s always been the only one I can tell anything to. But in the last few years we’ve gone through severely rough times, and since then, we’ve begun to fight more. The fights usually start over petty things, and soon she’ll begin calling me names. But it’s not just any name-calling – as my twin, she knows my weak points, my deepest fears and insecurities, and those are the things she attacks first. She wounds me so deeply every time that it’s practically unbearable to want to live, to hear such terrible things from someone who should care the most. She should KNOW not to even suggest such things. In the rare cases where I’ve tried to pretend her words don’t faze me, that has only made her madder, and she has escalated her attacks to the physical, threatening to break my things (like my computer), dump dirty water on me, or punch or kick me. Occasionally she has done some of these things. I don’t know what to do because she is the closest person in my life, and I can’t imagine separating. We share the same friends and apartment and our entire lives. That said, I also can’t imagine continuing to live like this. The pain is too much. What can I possibly do? Talking rarely helps, because when I do manage to get her to sit down and talk, she doesn’t want to listen to my side, even when I let her tell her side first and try to approach the situation calmly. 

Thank you for any thoughts you may have.
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you and your sister are experiencing violence within your relationship, it must be incredibly hurtful to have someone you care for so deeply to hurt you in this way. It is normal for siblings to have disagreements every so often but it sounds like you and your sister are fighting to a level that is harmful and you are unable to effectively communicate with each other. What may be helpful would be to sit down and talk with a Counselor who can give an unbiased perspective on the issues you two fight about. We understand it can be awkward talking to a stranger about personal issues, but it can be helpful to discuss these things with someone who does not have an emotional, personal, or biased attachment to the situation. If you would like more information on Counseling resources available within the community, please reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Again, we are so sorry that this is happening and understand how upsetting it must be. 

I go to a group for my domestic violence I have been threw and I gentleman does to he said he was beat up by a lady for my first time he came to visit me and out of the blue he wants me to massage him and get closer to his private parts then hugs me and says I am beautiful and have soft hands.What is this a sign of?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this and want to do everything we can to help you. It is never ok for someone to touch you or make you touch them in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, especially their private parts. From what you are describing it sounds like this man is sexually harassing you, which is not ok and is not something you should have to tolerate in an environment that is supposed to be safe and supportive. Some actions you can take, depending on your level of comfort: talk about his action’s with the leader of the DV Group, contact a crisis counselor on WEAVE’s 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to see what services we can provide for you and some coping skills, talk to the man and make it clear his actions are inappropriate, these are just some of the options you have and they are all entirely up to you, what happens is in your control, you are empowered and strong and do not deserve to be harassed this way. 

i called the police on my babydaddy because i got mad he hit me back… i dont even remember why or what we were arguing about in the first place but i feel bad now because he’s a great father & he’s been struggling to find a better job or do anything like join the military now that he has that charge on his background

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and we want to do anything we can to help you. When there is violence occurring within a relationship, it can be incredibly confusing and upsetting for many different reasons. What may be helpful would be to discuss what you are experiencing and feeling with people who are in similar situations, perhaps in a Group Counseling environment? WEAVE offers a Domestic Violence Group Counseling that provides a safe, confidential, and supportive environment for people who are experiencing different forms of violence within complex relationships. We find that sometimes it’s easier to discuss what you are experiencing with people who are not directly involved in your life (like a friend or parent), who have an unbiased perspective, and who may have had similar experiences. If you would like more information on how to attend this Group Counseling or perhaps even attend individual Counseling, feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselors can help connect you with resources that may be most helpful to you. We are here to help you with anything you may need. 

me and my children are in a emotional and verbal abusive relationship with my boyfriend i have a place to go when i leave but im not sure how to leave can you help us?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you question, we recognize how scary this must be for you and your children and we are so proud of you for how far you have come. Not many people have the strength and courage to recognize when a relationship is unsafe to remain in, and to leave it. We want to help you in any way we can, especially when it comes to leaving the relationship. If you would like some resources or help on possible safety planning, or anything else you need help with in regards to leaving, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where you can discuss your situation with a trained crisis counselor who can help you. 

I’ve been dealing with many types of abuse. Starting at 7 I was molested by my biological mother by her boyfriend she so desperately needed. I need someone who has knowledge to help with the positive feeling I need.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry for everything you have gone through and we want to help you in any way we can. We understand that you are struggling with the trauma of being molested and perhaps other forms of abuse? There is no excuse for violence or abuse of any sort, it is senseless. But you are brave and strong, because you broke the silence. You took a stand against what you have faced and reached out for help, not everyone can do that. What my be helpful to you would be to attend our Sexual Assault Group Counseling. This is a group counseling environment where trauma and coping skills are developed and discussed. It is a safe space to work through some of the abuses you have experienced and to hear others share their stories as well. If you are interested in these Counseling services or would like more information on other services we provide, please feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

Why me. I think I’m cursed with abuse of many kinds.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we understand that abuse of any kind is incredibly traumatic and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. There is no sense, rhyme, or reason to people who abuse other people, and we are so sorry that you have experienced abuse in your life. It’s heartbreaking how common and senseless abuse is. But you are strong, brave, and you matter. You broke the silence, and that is not easy. Breaking the silence is the first step towards healing. We want to do everything we can to help you. We offer a variety of services that may be of some help to you, specifically Counseling services. It can be tremendously helpful to talk to someone who is not directly involved in your life who can give you an unbiased perspective on what you have faced, and help you develop skills to help you cope and heal. If you want more information on services, resources, or you would like support, don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

What can I do if my husband’s nephew a 21year old man is threatening to kill my 14 year old? I’m scared he’s going to actually do this and I’m so concerned for my sons life. This man who is threaten my sons life is cruel to animals and has been since he was a child. . .That is a thrill to him.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this is happening, we can only imagine how terrifying this situation must be, and we want to do everything we can to help. Although we cannot provide legal advice on the Message Boards, we would strongly encourage you to pursue getting a Restraining Order as a form of legal protection against your husband’s nephew. Have you contacted law enforcement about the threats being made against your son? It is illegal for anyone to threaten to take someone’s life, and should be taken very seriously. It may even be helpful to just reach out to your local law enforcement on a non-emergency line for their advice on what legal action to take in this situation. Since your son is a minor, it may be important to contact a Child Abuse Hotline where you can be connected with advoates who specialize in these circumstances and can provide you with the best advice, that number is 1.800.422.4453. If you would like any support, resources, or information on other legal services we offer, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. It is never ok for someone to threatened to harm another person, if you feel your son is in danger call 911. We are here for you, we want to help you. 

My wife and I were getting in arguments all day for/ the past couple of days. Yesterday, at the end of the night I went in our room to take a shower. After I got out of the shower I laid down on the bed where my wife was watching TV and my newborn was as well on the bed in the middle of both of us. I laid down on my side of the bed like every night and I wanted to ask if I could go with them tomorrow for Easter Sunday since I do not want to spend the day alone especially without my newborn. An argument then again escalated from this and after a while I just told her that the argument is over and that I will be going with them if they like it or not because it is not fair for her to take our baby away and hang out with him and I cant. I covered my head with my pillow then she started kicking me off the bed with her feet and I started falling off the bed. Once I got of the bed she proceeded to push me out the door and I told her to let me go back on the bed and that she should not be kicking me off our bed like that especially with the baby on the bed. I then said I am calling the cops, which I did. The cops ended up being on her side saying that I am forcing myself on her when I believe that her physically kicking me off the bed is why I called them for to deescalate the situation. They believe I am forcing myself in that situation and what not. I just believe it is not fair that I get kicked and pushed out of my room and isolated from my baby and her. I also do not think it is fair that she gets to take the children on easter sunday and I get left home alone. I tried asking her if she can take my step daughter and I can take my son so none of us are left alone, but she did not agree. I feel none of this is fair and because I am the male in the relationship they are always going to take her side. I want to know what can I do so it is not that way. I do not want to lose my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand how upsetting and hurtful this situation must be for you and we are sorry that this is happening. We understand that you just want the best for your son. Unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice on the Message Boards but we can refer you to some legal resources we offer. The first is our Child Custody workshop, which takes place at our 1900 K Street office every 1st Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm. We also offer a legal voicemail where people can call and leave their legal questions and advocates will return the call within two business days. That number is 916.440.6797, we recommend you leave your name, a safe number to return your call at where we can identify ourselves as calling from WEAVE, and your legal question. We are also aware of a very easily accessible Information and Resource Line through the CAPC where parents can call and ask their legal questions during normal business days and hours, that number is 916.244.1906. If you need anything else, be it support or more resources from within the community, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
(translated from Spanish)  My husband is using drug. he is a drug addiction. i need some adviser to get divorce. because a few moths ago i got it my residence. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry to hear that you are experiencing this within your relationship and want to do everything we can to help. Our organization does provide various legal services and workshops, including one on Divorce. This specific workshop takes place at our 1900 K Street Office, on the 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. This workshop is both informational and goes over the paperwork needed for a Divorce. On the 2nd Thursday, it is from 5:30pm-7:30pm, and the 4th Thursday, it is from 3:00pm-5:00pm. However, this workshop is only offered in English at this time. If you require this information in Spanish, please feel free to call our legal voicemail where you can leave a message identifying your name, a safe number to return your call at, and your questions/what you need advisement on. That number is 916.440.6797. If you have any other questions or need support, don’t hesitate to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
I have a restraining order on my ex with a move out order. He left, but all of his stuff is still in my house. It has been 6 months, and he still hasn’t made arrangements to pick up his stuff. I want it out of my house! What can I do? Can I dispose of it? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize how frustrating this situation must be for you and we are sorry you are going through this. We also want to commend you on your strength and courage. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. Our legal advocates can answer any questions in jurisdiction of Sacramento County. You may contact our legal advocates by leaving a voicemail at 916.440.6797, and you call will be returned within two business days. When you leave your message, please leave your name, a number to return your call at, and identify that number as a safe number to call, along with your question. 

My sister inlaw got smaked around by her boyfriend i dont know i havent seen her .im just curious why wont she go to the hospital or go to the cops .i think theres more to the story

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand you’re concerned for your sister-in-law and appreciate you advocating for her. When it comes to issues of domestic violence and abuse, things that seem simple are never really quite simple, such as if someone came up to you in the street and hit you, it would be really easy to recognize that as wrong and take action against it. Whereas, when someone is experiencing domestic violence within their relationship, there is a lot going on that makes it hard for the person being abused to do things like tell the police or go to the hospital. Domestic violence is  a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. There may be some manipulation that is occurring within the relationship to make her believe that she deserves this abuse, or that she cannot do anything to change it. That is very common and very upsetting. It is hard to watch someone you care about being hurt, and there are many things you can do to help your sister-in-law. If you would like some ideas of how you can help your sister-in-law, feel free to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. And always, if you feel someone you care about is being hurt and are in danger, call 911. 

Is there a way that I could file a police report against my sister’s boyfriend? She is 6 months pregnant and just told me that he has been hurting her for months now..

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you question, we understand how hard it must be to know that your sister is being abused, and we commend you for reaching out and advocating for her. She is very lucky to have you as a sister. Depending on what area you live in, you can always call the non-emergency law enforcement line (could be police or sheriff depending on where you live) to file a report about the abuse your sister is experiencing. To access that information, we suggest you google search non-emergency (either police or sheriff) for your area to contact them. They may have further advice on legal action you can take on behalf of your sister or even advice you can provide her with. We have a lot of resources for people who are currently or have experienced different forms of violence within their relationship, and it may be helpful to her if you give her our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We can talk to her, assess her situation, and try and help connect her with resources or services that can help her escape the violence. Please also feel free to reach out yourself if you would like more information as well, or someone who can provide you with support. 

My husband and I have been together for 8.5 years. The first time he slapped me because I wasn’t spending much time with him, while I was obtaining my Master’s Degree. We got in an argument and he slapped me. That’s after 4 years when he told me he would never raise his hand on me. He started going to therapy and was genuinely working on himself. We got married the next year and a year after we had our son. Problems started coming again. We started fighting, mostly because there was a lot of misunderstanding, pressure, new adjustments to family life. We argued and fought a lot and he started to get physical again. He never hit, but he would grab me very harsh and throw me on the bed or couch and would be very hard pushing on top of me. He would yell very loudly and act aggressive. Many times he would go out drinking and come back very drunk and we would argue and fight, because he would act dumb and not leave me alone, then he would get physical again. He would also grab me hard or push me or once even kicked me, but lightly. Most of this would happen in front of our son. Once he also had him in his right arm and holding a chair in his left slammed it on the floor. He would be apologetic the next day and promise to resolve this, but it would come back every 3 months or so. Last time he was very aggressive again, grabbed my neck with both hands pushing hard against the sink. He would lift me and attempt to throw me twice across the hallways=, which would cause me to nearly fall, but I caught myself. He would tell me he would take my son away and to get out of his house, which is actually our house; we are both on the Title. He got so aggressive and I started to really feel humiliated, hurt and I wasn’t sure what to do, as I also feared he would manipulate me into custody or we would have these aggressive fights even during divorce, so I head straight to the police, because I felt like I had enough and this time I had deep bruises. I’m not sure if I did the right thing. He is on restraining order right now until we hear his penalties in a month and he risks jail for at least 6 month. His family hates me, his friends would not look my way. I do have support among my friends, but I don’t know whether it was the right thing to do to file or too extreme. He also comes to me with some history of violence and it diminished when we started dating, but then his aggression picked up again. He would be remorseful, but would do it again in a few months.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you have been experiecing many forms of violence within your relationship and we commend you for your bravery and courage. It is incredibly hard for people who are in an abusive relationship to not only speak out against the violence, but to take action against it to protect themselves from it. That takes strength, you are so strong and brave for doing what you did. We understand that there is tremendous anxiety and fears attached to ending the violence, but we promise you are not alone in this and we will do everything we can to help you. Here at WEAVE we offer many services that may be helpful to you if you are located in the Sacramento area. If you are, we offer many legal workshops (on Divorce, Child Custody, Temporary Restraining Orders), we also have a legal voicemail where you can call, leave a message with legal advocates and they will return your call. It’s also important that you are taking care of yourself and working through your trauma in a healthy and safe way. We do offer Counseling services that may be helpful to you, either individual or group. Sometimes it helps to be in a safe environment where you can talk openly about your experiences, and to be surrounded by people who have had similar experiences. If you would like more information on any services we offer, if you are needing access to more resources within the community, or support, please don’t hesitate to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We are here for you, we support you. 

My bf and I was arguing about my sister moving in first he had agreed than all of a sudden he made it a big deal. So I told her never mind he changed his mind she was still setting at the bottom my driver way we’ll . My bf and I we agreed upon one of us to leave to cool down I’ve done told him all of a sudden he ask where you going I said leaving to cool down he runs to my car as I was barely rolling and jumps on my car rolls off . I got out to check on him and he grab my leg I got back into the car door closed he jumps in my window took my keys out. He calls the law but saying the neighbors did . I don’t trust him . I never lay a figure on him . Nor when the law arrived read me my rights. I need advice I didn’t try to run over him . Nor would I harm any body. I’m from a domestic violence relationship I knew what to do but the did not ask me any questions

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and understand how hard it can be to reach out  for help. It is never ok for someone to put their hands on you, and we commend you for your strength and bravery despite the situation. We are sorry that law enforcement did not handle the situation in a way that was helpful to you. WEAVE offers many services that may be helpful to you in this situation, such as Legal Services, Counseling Services, a Safe Shelter program, and many others. We may be able to connect you with advocates who can accompany you on a law enforcement interview if you decide you would like to press charges or file an incident report about what happened most recently. We want to help you in any way we can. If you would like more information on services we offer, resources we have access to within the community, or support, please call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 

(translated from Spanish) My ex wife punch on my daughter mouth, and want to take a report ; I should do it ?? 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry that you are in this situation where your wife is being violent towards your daughter. That is never ok, and it takes a lot of courage to break the silence. If you are wanting to file a report with law enforcement we would definitely encourage you to do so. You can do so by contacting the non-emergency phone line or going to your local law enforcement station. If you have any more questions on legal action you can take, please reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you call, we can communicate with you by utilizing a Spanish interpreter. 
I filed a restraining order on Dec X 2015. Had to go back and refile later. The order was given by the courts on Dec XX 2015. On several occasions the police came out and did nothing. On Jan X 2016 I was there again, the officer told me to leave to a safe place. We owned the house outright. I collected my things an left that day. I just found out today that they served him on Jan XX 2016. I am now homeless and throughout the year filed for a divorce alamoney and my share of what they appraised it at. Which is less than half of what the house is worth. After over 20k in attorney fees im broke. And homeless and he is in contempt several times over. Do I have any recourse or is there anyone out there willing to help me. I had weave at one of my hearings but all they do is watch. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we understand that this is a very stressful and upsetting situation and we are so sorry you are going through this. We would love to help connect you with any resources you may be looking for, be it legal services or housing. Due to the specificity of your situation and all the legal actions already in place, it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. You can contact them by leaving a voicemail at this number: 916.440.6797. A member of our legal staff will call you back within two business days. Please be sure to tell them if it is safe to leave a message for you on the number you provide. If you would like help with housing options or any other resources you may need, please don’t hesitate to contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 where crisis counselors can connect you with resources within the community. We understand that this is very overwhelming and we are here for you. 
Hi. My ex boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half. Probably 6 months in I started noticing odd behaviors (controlling my outfits, following me, obsessive) but I brushed them off as he really loved me. A few months later he began destroying things when he was mad and few weeks after that he started physically abusing me. (Sexually abuse happened a few times during this).. It has been a year now that we have been broken up and I made a police report after the last assault.. Long story short he is currently locked up in jail and the sentencing court date is coming up. He has a violent history. I’m not sure if it was other domestic violence but I do know he has a very violent and scary history against other men… He has got revenge on just about everyone who has wronged him. So I guess my question is should I be worried that he will come find me once he is released?? He is only getting a year I think. I am very paranoid and having obsessing thoughts about him, what he did, what he could do to me.. is it common for men to attack the victim again once being released from jail?? Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we want to start by saying that we are so sorry that you are going through this, and we are so proud of all the actions you took to end the violence. That takes tremendous courage and bravery. We understand that it takes a long time to recover from the trauma of an abusive relationship, and this anxiety you’re experiencing is very real. Although we cannot provide legal advice here, we feel your question would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. You can contact them by leaving a voicemail at 916.440.6797 and your call will be returned within two business days. In this voicemail, leave your name, an identified safe number to contact you at, and your legal question. It may also be helpful to contact whatever agency you filed the police report through to see if they can advise you on what action to take next (such as, getting a restraining order if one does not exist already, etc.,) And, if you ever feel you are in serious danger, do not hesitate to call 911. Your safety is most important. If you have any more concerns, questions, or would like some support, reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
Me and my boyfriend have lived together for nine months and a couple of weeks ago, I had to call the law because he beat me up and broke my hand. He is now in prison because he was on parole when this happened. Now his family is wanting all his things and some of the things, I have bought throughout our relationship. His half brother is calling and harassing me about getting his brothers things. Legally, what can I keep? What does his half brother have legal rights to? I live in XXXXXXX, Tn. Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, we recognize that this is a very scary and upsetting situation for you and we want to help you in any way we can. It is never ok for someone to abuse you, no matter the circumstances, and the families’ reaction to this situation is very upsetting. Due to the specificity of your question, we feel it would be best answered by a legal advocate. Our organization is located in Sacramento, CA, so our legal advocates can only give legal advice for this area. However, if you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) we are certain they will be able to connect you with resources in your area. 

Is it normal for my boyfriend to hit me like sock me in the face and then turn around saying I hit him first when I never hit him, he says baby I love you and I don’t wanna have to hit you?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are sorry you are experiencing this within your relationship and want to help you in any way we can. No matter the circumstances, abuse is never acceptable or warranted. WEAVE defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Within abusive relationships exists the cycle of abuse, which has three phases: tension, explosion, and false honeymoon. One element you have described occurring within your relationship would be the false honeymoon following an explosion, where the relationship seems peaceful and romantic; forgiveness is requested and given. The abuser is typically trying to use the romance to manipulate and control the victim in different ways than used before. The false honeymoon stage will begin to fade after some time, and the cycle will begin again.  Over time, the false honeymoon period will get shorter and shorter, and can disappear completely. We understand how scary and upsetting this can be, and if you would like any support or further information on resources within the community, reach out on our 24/7 Support and Inforation Line 916.920.2952.
After 23 years ,4 kids I finally I m getting out to my dismay the support is not very helpful Never felt suicidal but finding myself thinking alot about it If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts. Please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. It may feel overwhelming now but your life matters! We know that domestic abuse can take its toll and we are here to support you. If you are in Sacramento County, CA and needing support please call our 24/7 Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. Our advocates are available to help you understand what you are experiencing and link you to other supportive services. If you are outside of the Sacramento County area, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and they will help link you to supportive resources in your area.
A close friend of mine has a warrant in Texas for a marijuana charge. She is currently 5 months pregnant. Her baby daddy is abusing her not only physically, but mentally. Punching her, choking her until she’s passed out, etc. She refuses to tell the police and get help, due to the fact that she does not want to end up in jail herself. Terrified of jail. But also, terrified daily of him. I can’t stand to watch this. I won’t stand to watch this. He has gotten too close to killing her and that innocent baby inside of her. Any advice as to how she can get help, but avoid the jail time? I have told her she would be better off getting the warrant out of the way then dying by his hands. But she won’t budge. I just don’t know what else to do… Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to stand by and see your friend go through this and we commend you for being a strong advocate for your friend. WEAVE provides services to survivors of domestic violence in Sacramento County. To find a domestic violence agency in your state or county, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to their website at www.thehotline.org/help to chat with an Advocate. If you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, we are certain they will be able to connect you with resources or legal advice in your area. If you have any further questions or concerns, feel free to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you ever feel your friend is in life threatening danger, no matter the circumstances, law enforcement should be contacted to ensure her safety. 
My husband and I have been separated for 8 months now. We were together for 8 years and we have a 2 year old. The relationship was always up and down, really down most times. We went to couple therapy 2 months after separating and to my surprise, the therapist called him a criminal, said he was abusing of me, not physically but every other way possible. Controlling, possessive, isolating me, blackmailing, neglecting me and my daughter, going out all night and coming home the next day, doing drugs and we never had money cause he spend it on himself…..and more. Thing is. We’ve always been on and off, ive always broken up with him thinking I’ll never go back but he knows how slither his way back into my life. Sweet talking and saying and doing all the right things, I always gave him that chance and that’s how I fell pregnant…

8 months now and he still chases me around, he swears to have changed and he swears it’s different now because he’s also thinking of his daughter, he doesn’t want her growing up in a broken family….but I don’t want her growing up in domestic violence and a toxic environment, he’s gone to behavioral change groups and is making the effort to actually look after our little girl. He seems to do very well and act mature and loving and whatnot but once I reject him he gets agitated and angry and starts saying he’ll take her away from me or he’s going to tell her how all this was my fault and he constantly says I’m hurting our daughter because I don’t move freaked and trust in him, he says he understands why I don’t trust him but tha I would let go of my anger and the past so we can be happy in the future. 

We’ve been through that much that everything he’s saying and doing now seems to be all lies to me and I see right through him. I can’t believe he’s changed and I can’t let go of the past. It’s happened that many time that I just can’t picture him actually changing.

My question is, what are the chances he has actually changed?? 

If we didn’t have a daughter together I wouldn’t give him another chance but it took me 1.7 years of her life for me to leave him cause I didn’t want her growing up without her dad around but I got fed up, it became too toxic and I noticed she started noticing it too. I want to make it work for her but I just don’t believe he has changed!! I get anxious thinking of going back because of my past experience with him…..I just want to know if it’s possible that one day he will actually change and for good? Maybe not for me but for her? Have people actually been able to change their ways and genuinely be good to the person they were abusing in for such a long period of time?

Thank you for your time in advance. 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, your situation sounds very hurtful and upsetting and we are so sorry you are experiencing this in your relationship. Many people who are experiencing similar forms of abuse struggle with leaving, and have many reasons to stay. You are very articulate and self-aware of the unhealthy aspects within your relationship. Within many abusive relationships is a pattern called “The Cycle of Violence”, where there are three distinct phases: tension building, explosion and false honeymoon. These phases can take no certain amount of time, and are cyclical. And how this occurs is through the imbalance of power and control within an abusive relationship. When an abuser feels they they are losing their power and control, they will do whatever they can to regain that. We understand that you are struggling with uncertainty, and something we offer that may be helpful to you is our Domestic Violence Group Counseling. This is a group space where victims of all genders and sexual orientations can come together to address the many issues of being a victim of domestic violence. If you would like more information on how to attend this group counseling or other services, or even just for support, contact our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
How do I get copies of medical records,free, regarding physical assault (resulting in a broken back and neck) experienced that were stolen out of my apartment? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, we are so sorry you are going through this additional stress following your physical trauma and want to help in any way we can. We believe that, depending on what medical facility provided services for you, they should be able to release you with medical records. Perhaps start by contacting the release of records department or just records department of whatever facility you utilized and seeing what they can do to help you. If you have any further questions, feel free to reach out on our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
The police asked if I wanted an order of protection. I asked how long it would be for. They said 24-48 hours and 30 days at the most depending on what the judge said. They misled me into believing it would be s of protection. My wife was slapped with a 6 month order of protection against her. I am disabled and cant keep this house operational for 6 months by my self. I have epilepsy and need her here. We had one argument where she punched me and now I am losing my home because I can’t afford it by myself. I feel the police are homophobes and this is just one more time they are trying to force us out. Please help. We never cause any issues. You would think the town would appreciate good neighbors. I don’t drink or do drugs but they always try to get me for something. I feel they have won. Sad.

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your concerns, we are so sorry that this happened to you. It sounds like you were put in a very upsetting situation where the police were not understanding you and that can be frustrating.  We would love to help you in any way we can, and we feel you might benefit from some legal advice from any of our wonderful legal advocates here at WEAVE. The best way to contact the legal advocates would be at the WEAVE Legal voicemail, the number is 916-440-6797, and it takes roughly 24/48 hours during the regular business week for advocates to return your call.  Please be sure to tell them if it is safe to leave a message for you on the number you provide. If you have any other concerns, questions, or would like to get connected to resources within the community, feel free to call our 24/7 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. 

I rent a room but basically stay with my boyfriend slash baby daddy, I am 10 weeks pregnant, after we found out I was pregnant the boyfriend told me I had to move in with him. 


I wanted a night of peace…I went to baby daddy’s house to drop his dog off, and get some things. While getting my things, he came home and wouldn’t let me leave, he told me to go lay down multiple time, like I was the dog. I said multiple times I wanted to go, he said no I wasn’t leaving. He said if I left he would come with me, I locked myself in the bathroom…and he threatened to take the door off…I called a family member and asked for them to pick me up. I came out of the restroom and the boyfriend kept cornering me yelling really loud how I’m a bad mom because I haven’t completely stopped smoking weed. He kept pushing me and cornering me, I started throwing things at him, my cell phone hit him in the eyebrow bone…which swelled up right away. I yelled for his roommate to get him out of my face or I would call the cops, I just wanted to leave.


I had a subchorionic hemmorage 2 weeks prior and do not want to lose his baby… since he wouldn’t let me leave I called he cops. 


The cops arrested me for domestic violence, he was not cited for anything. Practically I called the cops on myself? They did nothing for me, I don’t want this on my record, what can I do? 
Do I get a supena for the 911 call? The call that was made to my family member? The boyfriend wouldn’t let me leave, verbally abusing me…not putting his hands on me but using his body to push me and corner me so I couldn’t leave.
I want the police to feel stupid for arresting me, I’m a girl whos 5′7″ weighs 135 llbs and he’s about 5′11″ and weighs over 200llbs.
Please help me.

Thank you for contacting us with your question. Your situation sounds scary and upsetting. Even though he didn’t touch you with his hands, using his body to intimidate you is a form of abuse and intentionally threatening. You may want to talk with a counselor about how to stay safe if you remain in the relationship and after your child is born. You can also call our 24/7 Support Line anytime – 916.920.2952 and they can tell you how to start counseling, as well.  In regards to your arrest – due to the specificity of your questions, it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. You can contact them by leaving a voicemail at this number: 916-440-6797. A member our legal staff will call you back within two business days. Please be sure to tell them if it is safe to leave a message for you on the number you provide.
I live in XXXXX County IL I want to dissolve my 2 year Order Of Protection against my ex-Fiancé in Kane County . How do I do this? WEAVE provides services to survivors of domestic violence in Sacramento County. To find a domestic violence agency in your county, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to their website at www.thehotline.org/help to chat with an Advocate. You may also contact the Illinois Domestic Violence Hotline at 877-863-6338. 

I met a guy on parole. I am on probation. We recently got married and he started showing signs of violence. We would fight and he would cuss me and call me names along with shutting us in our room. He grabbed me by my throat a couple of times and my arms had bruises as well. I filed a statement against him for domestic violence. Dfs ended up coming to my home to investigate. I had to sign a 209a. I ended up dropping charges against my husband. We want to work things out but my dfs case is still open and he cannot have contact with my children from other relationships. Once the case is closed, will getting back with my husband get my kids taken away?

Thank you so much for contacting WEAVE with your question, I can only imagine how hard this situation must be on you, and I am so glad you reached out, that takes a lot of courage. Violence is never ok, and I am sorry you had to experience that. Due to the specificity of your question, I feel it would be best answered by one of our legal advocates. You can contact them by leaving a voicemail at this number: 916-440-6797. It normally takes our legal advocates 24-48 hours to return a call during the regular business week. If you have any other questions or would like to reach out for support, you can contact us any time at our 24/7 Support and Information Line: 916-920-2952.  

A friend introduced me to a guy, we hung out for about a week or two and then it went south fast. He started sending me threatening text and to my friend threatening me. He showed up to my apartment with another man n i asked them to leave, didnt open door. I heard loud noise then my neighbors came to door to tell me he bashed in my windshield on my car right infront of them. I called cops n made report n they got the text messages n pics of windshield n said i need to file restraining order. so i went to court house n got paperwork but there are so many questions i do not have answers to about him, our relationship..? Is it harassment or stalking or domestic violence? I live in washington state and it makes a difference how it is filed n what court it goes to. He has prior sentence n did time for violations of no contact order with his wife n kids

Your situation sounds very scary and I know the court system can be very confusing and overwhelming. I can’t give you any legal advice but possibly if you call the National Domestic Violence hotline they can give you Domestic Violence resources in your area. Some domestic violence agencies assist people in navigating the criminal justice system and or help with restraining orders. Below is the Nation Domestic Violence Hotline. I also encourage you to reach out to counseling or talk to a trusted friend about what you’re going through as it can be very difficult and emotional.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233

Hello, my fiancee and I had a major fight last night… I got really angry and went to other room and refused to speak with him. He came in and grabbed my wrist really hard and dragged me to the dining room so we could speak. But, this happened once before and I sad if he touches me again like that, we are breaking up. So, he locked me in the apartment and did not let me out. I tried to get out but he did not let me (later he said he did that because we should talk when we are angry and he was scared to let me go alone because it was 3 am). I did slap him and he did not slap me back, but I still do not know what to do. Is this a domestic violence? Should I leave him? During this fight which lasted through the whole night, he grabbed me few times again. This happened because I tried to escape, even though I hit him when I was getting desperate to leave the house when few hours passed.

That sounds like a very scary situation to not be able to leave when you needed to. Not allowing someone to leave is illegal and is very serious. Domestic violence is one someone is exerting power over another person whether that is physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, spiritually, etc. It could be helpful to talk to a counselor about how you are feeling and even safety planning whether you decide to leave or stay. WEAVE does offer counseling and we do have a 24 hour supportline if you ever want to talk. 916-920-2952.

My girlfriends son is 35 years old he’s using meth and we have done all we can to help him! We pay his insurance on his car, buy him phones, give him money for gas and tobacco, buy his kids things, We have had someone he respects come and talk to him , to try and reach him, But two days ago he physically assaulted me, I ended going to be hospital , had a concussion two black eyes and face black and blue, please help I’m a strong man, But I never expected him to Assault me, my girlfriend is worried he will take his life!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It may be a good idea to report the assault to law enforcement or consider getting a restraining order. I can imagine how this can be very difficult for you as it sounds like you’re trying so hard to help. It sounds like your girlfriend’s son has a substance abuse problem and until he is ready to get help there is not a lot you can do. I would give him resources to local Narcotic Anonymous. They also have resources there for family members or friends of people suffering from this disease. It could be helpful to connect with others going through what you’re going through.   Here are some additional resources that can be helpful.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Suicide Prevention 24 hr. (WellSpace Health) 

(916) 368-3111- Sacramento

(530) 885-2300 - Auburn

(916) 645-8866 - Lincoln

(916) 773-3111  – Roseville

Suicide Prevention Crisis Line

(530) 666-7778

(916) 372-6565

Can my cousin get in trouble for dragging my brother off of bed all the way to the toilet so he can flush it??


 
Without knowing details and history I could not say whether or not your cousin would get in trouble for that but if you are not feeling safe it is important to tell an adult. I’m not sure if you feel comfortable talking to your uncle about how what he does makes you feel but if it feels safe that may be good to tell him how your feeling. If it does not feel safe to do that I would suggest talking to an adult you feel safe with.  This could be a parent, a relative, or an adult at school. WEAVE has a 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 or you can call the California Youth Crisis Line 1.800.843.5200 if you are ever not feeling safe or just need someone to talk to. Hope this information was helpful. Great job reaching out for help. 

My boyfriend of 3 years and I have a mostly healthy and respectful relationship. However, on the rare occasions that we do argue, he yells, calls me names, and will even put his hand over my mouth if I cry too much. In addition, he’ll often de-legitimize my feelings and tell me to stop “making myself cry” if he doesn’t agree with my feelings. These outbursts are rare (like, once or twice a year) but they concern me when they do happen. We are normally able to cool down and talk it out after an hour or so, but I was concerned when he put his hand over my mouth when I cried. I never touch or hit him ever, and it was out of character for him to do so. Would this behavior warrant pre-marriage/relationship counseling? Or is this normal?

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this with your boyfriend. No one should have to go through that nor should he put his hands over your mouth. In a healthy relationship you should be able to express however you are feeling without being called names and certainly without anyone putting their hands on you, and it is okay to cry. You have legitimate reasons to feel concerned about his behavior even if it is infrequent. Please know that WEAVE is here for you. WEAVE has services that may be able to help. We have a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and counseling services. We are here to support you in any way you need! It sounds like your red flags are going up and I would trust your intuition. I do think it would be helpful to talk to a professional to help you process what your feeling and to discuss what you want in a relationship. 

My husband drove me to work this morning and he became involved in a very frightening road rage incident on a highway. I am already a nervous passenger and I was terrified. My dog was in the back seat and when he and my husband got home, the dog ran away. Do you think this behavior was abusive?

Happily, someone found the dog.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry to hear you were in an uncomfortable situation. Road rage can be very scary and lead to very tragic unexpected endings. Even without the label of domestic violence I would trust your feelings and intuition and find ways to keep yourself safe. Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or spiritual actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, or injure someone. Please feel free to reach out to WEAVE’s  24-hour support line at916-920-2952 to get more information about WEAVE’s counseling services  or come to WEAVE’s  free triage assessment session during the below  times/locations:

1900 K Street, Sacramento – 2nd Floor

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM, Wednesday 5 – 7 PM

Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

 

7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I – Sacramento, CA 95823

English & Spanish speaking: Mondays 10 AM – 12 PM

I hope this information is helpful and please feel free to call our support line even to just process the feelings you are feeling or to create a safety plan.

Is it domestic violence if your partner just breaks things and doesn’t hit you? Does WEAVE help women that are not physically abused? I need help and I’m all alone.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. Domestic violence comes in many different forms such as physical violence, spiritual, emotional, financial, threat of physical. Throwing things is a means of intimidation and is a form of domestic violence. It can make people feel afraid as if that could be them next time.  If you need support in any way please feel free to call our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 to get support or information on WEAVE services. We also offer Domestic violence counseling services and are here for you if you just need to talk. Please know you are not alone in your situation and commend you on your courage in reaching out for help.

I am mother to a 21 year old daughter and grandmother to a 20 month old beautiful baby girl. Approximately 6 months ago my daughter got involved with a 28 year old male. This guy has quite the record to include drug possession and domestic violence. He seems to be able to persuade my daughter into believing anything. Example: his license had been suspended due to non-payment of childsupport. He convinced my daughter that he had addressed it and got his license reinstated. She allowed him to drive her car. They got pulled over and my daughter was fined 500 and ordered to appear. He then convinced her that she didn’t need to appear she just needed to make payments on the fine. A few weeks later she got pulled over and taken to jail for failure to appear. They were both put in jail and he did 30 days. She only did 6. My concern now is she intends to marry this guy and he wants my granddaughter to live with them. His prior domestic cases were dismissed. Is there anything I can do to get custody of my granddaughter?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I can imagine how difficult and stressful it must be for you as I am sure you just want to help in any possible way. Domestic Violence can leave family members feeling lost and at times not knowing what to do. Unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice on our message boards however one of the services that WEAVE offers is legal aid and you may contact them at (916) 319-4944. This number will lead you directly to a voicemail and they will return your call within 24-48 hours. If you would like to receive more support or information please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. Again I am sorry for all that you must be going through many loved ones feel powerless when they’re loved ones are in abusive are unhealthy relationships. It may be helpful to talk to a counselor to process how your feeling as well as get ideas on how best to support your daughter/grandchild. You can get this information on our website or by calling our support and information line. 
The love for my child and grandchild…. I’m a mother of four three boys and a daughter my youngest son of20 yrs old has been with his girlfriend for about 3 yrs in that relationship he left home and moved in with her and the family mom in law alloyed while I never did in the mix of that a child was born last year and that was the joy eat of both our worlds until things became rocky between them there was domestic violence between both of them my son strike her and her mom shot my son now my son sits in jail and everyone is saying her mom will be ok no jail Time for her??? I’m in lost what can be in the rates for my son???? Desperate in pain

I am sorry to hear about your pain and the tragedy that so often domestic violence has on all family members and loved ones involved. I am not equipped to give any legal advice or any helpful information regarding the criminal justice system/process as I think that would be a better question for your son’s attorney. I do think it could be helpful to seek counseling for yourself. WEAVE does offer counseling to survivors of domestic violence as well as their family members.  To get more information about WEAVE’s counseling services  you can call WEAVE’s  24-hour support line at 916-920-2952 or come to WEAVE’s  free triage assessment session during the below  times/locations:

1900 K Street, Sacramento – 2nd Floor

English speaking: Tuesday & Thursday 12 PM – 2 PMWednesday 5 – 7 PM
Spanish speaking: Thursday 12 PM – 2 PM

7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I - Sacramento, CA 95823

English & Spanish speaking: Mondays 10 AM – 12 PM 

I hope this information is helpful and please feel free to call our supportline for support or information/resources.

I was in a relationship with the father of my 3 children for 15 years during the time being I made many reports of him under the influence of drugs they took him a couple of times,besides that he would be verbally violent,call my work place to get me fired,stalk me,accuse me of being unfaithful,controlling etc. I left him on June of 2015 he committed adultery I worked graveyard at a hospital that way I can manage to take my 2 older kids to school and stay home with my 3 year old it was hard with no help whatsoever on 2016 he filed for visitation rights since he had already received a letter from child support stating he had to begin making payments on September of 2016 he filed exparte no declaration attached he had our children that weekend so Monday day of the hearing judge granted him order I haven’t seen my children after that no visitation he alleged domestic, at this moment I’ve lost my job coping through this wrongful act,no support from anyone and asking myself why if I’ve never been in trouble with the law my children are 3,8,11, I’m currently emotionally distressed, depressed, traumatized,I fear, physically hurt

I am so sorry to hear about your current situation it sounds very overwhelming and traumatic. Without knowing the details of your case it sounds like you may get some benefit from accessing WEAVE’s legal services. WEAVE has custody workshops that may be helpful to your situation. It can provide assistance in understanding the child custody process and advocating for the needs of your children. This workshop provides an overview of California Law and Sacramento County Courts and the process and standards the law must consider when presented with cases involving child custody. The workshop covers jurisdictional issues, types of custody and mediation. No legal advice is available during the workshop, only legal information about the child custody process.

Workshop Schedule: 1st Wednesday of each month at 5:30 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.

I also encourage you to call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or our legal number at (916) 319-4944. WEAVE also has counseling services available to you as I recognize that all this is emotional and it could be helpful to have a safe person to talk to that understands the dynamics of domestic violence. I hope that you can lean on your support system in this time of distress and commend you for the courage it takes to reach out for help. You are not alone.

I recently was dumped unexpectedly by my boyfriend of 5 years. We have a child together. He has told me that he is seeing someone. Yet he continues to contact me randomly mostly wanting sex. If I do not respond he shows up at my home. In the past he has choked me hit thrown me etc. He ended up this last time begging me to give him sex. I asked him not to visit my home unexpectedly. He then said he left to make me jealous and was waiting to see what I was going to do. Again I asked him to leave. He proceeded to throw me down straddling my arms under his knees put his hands over my mouth. I begged I couldn’t breath. Then I was tossed around by my throat like a ragdoll. After he said he was sorry. Next day he won’t even admit he did anything wrong. I love him but am I just use to this? I now relive that day over n over it makes me sad panic absolute fear. But yet again I love him. What do I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel panic and fear because of this situation! No one deserves to be hurt especially by someone they love. I can understand how you may feel torn between loving this person and fearing them at the same time. If you feel like you or your child are in danger please reach out to law enforcement. WEAVE has services that may be of help to you! We have a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952, counseling services, and even legal services. You are not alone, and we are here to help !!

My brother and his wife were fighting and she hit him with a hockey stick .He started having trouble breathing he had asthma real bad .While she. Mad and he’s on the floor she starts gathering their things money..keys..she doesn’t call for help for an hour . .not rendering aid ..My brother dies and I feel she is responsible for normal emergency call and in a reasonable time frame .Maybe Not rendering aid. .wanton endangerment.Something .We are in ky if that matters.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your brother, losing a loved one is never easy. WEAVE is located in California and the laws are very different than Kentucky, so I would not be able to answer your question as accurately as I would hope too! I would recommend you contact the National Domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 to get in touch with a Domestic Violence agency in your area. Or you can contact your local PD for the case file associated with your brothers case and seek legal assistance. I am truly sorry I am not able to give you the answer you are looking for! If you need support in any way dealing with this tragedy please reach out! You are not alone!

I have a grandchild whose mother has been a victim of domestic violence and she has been hiding out from her boyfriend and my grandchild has been out of school as a result of her going from place to place they are not on a lease how can I help her get him back in school he has been out since thanksgiving break. She is afraid to put him in school because the boyfriend may be able to track them.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I understand your concerns regarding your grandchild being out of school for so long! Domestic violence is scary and can leave individuals feeling lost on what their next steps should be! There are Domestic violence shelters that may be able to provide resources for your grandchild and their mother for housing, counseling, and legal resources. The National domestic violence hotline is (800) 799-7233, this number will assist the family in finding a shelter where they currently reside or will discuss options regarding the possibility of relocating to a new area for safety reasons. Feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 if you have any other questions or concerns. I am grateful they have a grandmother who has taken that step in reaching out for help.

My ex-boyfriend is being harassed by someone. They are sending emails, texts, calls and posting personal pictures and horrible posts on online cheater sites. He is married and I met him on a dating site. I am sorry for what I did (being in a relationship with a married man) all I can do is change my life and never do it again. I wish this was my only problem, I tried to be his friend and help him with this, but he has turned his frustration and anger on me. He now accuses me and one of the other women he was dating, (In September I found out there were 4 of us, I know I should have ran then), of being the ones behind everything, I never had the photos that were posted, they were old and I didn’t even know about these sites until this happened to him. In August I started being harassed via text, finally I changed my number, after this happened to him I was harassed non stop. I just had to change my number again. Fake dating sites have been made and posted about me and a very old professional work picture has been taken off the web. I work in a very high profile environment and this could have cost me my job. Luckily my boss knows me and has had all of my information removed from the public website in order for this not to happen again and to protect me. I have locked down all of my social media sites, there is nothing that can be taken now. I have tried not to make contact with him, it just makes things worse, but when these things were put up about me, I did make contact, he said he didn’t do it and accused me more. I just decided to ignore it. I reached out to him a few days ago (I know I’m such an idiot) after someone actually posted a picture of his privates, a friend sent me a snapshot, I guess I still care. He accused me again and threatened to put very personal pictures, videos and texts of me on the web. On these sites that you cannot have posts taken down because they are protected under the 1st Amendment. I decided if my information was going to go up, I would tell my story and one very innocent picture of him and I and ask him in front of the world to stop as well as the person (I am sure it is an ex) to stop harassing him, his wife and me. Of course he is not mentally stable and he went insane, he accuses me of being bipolar and crazy, I feel close with all of this going on though. He posted a fake profile and an old picture from a dating website, a site he actually took over in October and started messaging men on saying he was me (I wish I was making all of this up I actually had to go their customer support and report him, he finally gave me the password and I was able to deactivate it) in the post he called me a whore who sleeps with men for money and even attacked my son. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know my rights, I’m scared to death. I understand he is upset about what has happened to him, but that does not give him the right to attack me. If this psycho person attacks him again I don’t know what to do, he has threatened to put up very bad pictures, videos and texts on the web, and have his friends say they slept with me etc… I am in terror, and I don’t know what to do. I have talked to local law enforcement and now I do have enough for an order of protection, but I can’t afford an attorney and in the state of TN you have to go to court. I am sorry for ever getting involved with him, I regret it everyday. I just don’t know what to do about this vicious cycle. I don’t know who is posting these horrible things about him and I feel stuck in the middle with no options. Any advice is so appreciated.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry this situation has put you in an uncomfortable position regarding the threat of your personal information being released. I know you are in Tennessee, and WEAVE is located in Sacramento Ca so unfortunately my knowledge and resources are very narrow to the state of California. I would recommend you get in contact with the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799- 7233. This hotline may be able to give you some resources and support in your area. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact our support line at (916) 920-2952.  




 

Hey there! I have an ex who was abusive in the past when we were together. I paid for everything in the past year-rent, utilities, food, pets, etc. When I decided to move out, she reacted extremely negatively and used her mental health against me. I still managed to get out , but I had an altercation going to pick up my dogs one night. She called the cops for domestic violence afterwards. For the past six months, she has been showing up at my work and yelling about how she is in the process of having a restraining order and a huge case against me and my partner for assault, told everyone in my community as well as my friends and made posts on social media and different forms of communication over it. She has told people I am emotionally and physically abusive and that night, I had beaten her until she was black and blue. She has gotten verbally and emotionally abusive in public to the point where we now fear for our safety. We called the precinct yesterday, and it turns out that as much as she did call the cops on me, the case was closed less than 24 hours as it was deemed not criminal and no restraining order was ever filed. Do we have a file for a restraining order with this information? There is , of course, more to the story but this would be the major points. Also, would this be considered defamation of character as well as slander in civil court?

Thank you for your question! I am sorry you have been experiencing this with your past partner! If your ex is making you feel uncomfortable and/or unsafe I would recommend you call the authorities. There are restraining orders with different regulations that you can consider looking into, the different types of restraining orders can be found on the court website. You can also call the non emergency line for law enforcement and they will also be able to give you a clear answer regarding the depth of your question. These situations can be hard to handle on your own, if you need support in any way please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support line to get information on WEAVE services; 24 hour support line, counseling services, and legal workshops.


 

Really don’t know where to begin,this is such a mess. I’m a woman that got involved with another woman at the trail or park where I was living. At this time my wife of 7yrs,left me. That’s when this woman kept coming over started coming on strong,I try ed to not have her coming around do to I was going through my separation from my wife. Needless to say she kept coming on strong after awhile I was ducked in like wow! She did the most all of a sudden I was consumed I that this is my soul mate. I did everything and anything she said needed etc. Then all of a sudden she started verbally playing mind games calling me names,yelling,going trail or to tralor talking about me. I would leave she would get me to believe in her and I would go back. Then she do all the same again then came physical abuse. On and on we kept this going. She would call the police on me tryin to get me in trouble. You know what I can’t finish this story because I did finally do the right thing did a domistic report,soon later she try ed killing me with my grandson in the car,ramming her car into mine. I called police again,she was charged with assault with deadly weapon. The judge put a no contact protective order for her to not contact me. That didn’t matter. She came over to my mom’s pounding on door. I called the police they got her put her in jail for an hour she bailed. She to this day has harassed me and phone,showing up here there. But the da and the whole system has failed me. I’m homeless with an eviction because of the drama of what my abuser was doing at park. She has been able to find me manipulate me,over and over,and the system has yet to help me there has been numbers more times of violence but they wouldn’t help me be safe,take the the reports of violet in no contact criminal order. To much to explain. Here is the bottom line. I stood up did the right things,the system help her put her in a program just resent,but allowed her to continue abusing me until she went there. They promised to help me protect me,and now I’m just standing here with with I’m so confused her life is being worked on. Im being abused. And waiting for when mine is coming. So you all say it’s not okay to be abused,the cops say help you for them to help you,da,says help us so we can help you. Bull shit. I help them all help there agendas. Me nothing. My abuser got a program she wanted (I’m grateful she may get better). Da,got what she wanted. The Das actives is I’m not sure maybe lays or just lied to me to help da get what she wanted,I don’t know. Either way,this I care about domestic violence is bull shit you all care about,I’m not sure but you all didn’t give a shit about me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you haven’t felt supported in receiving help for the domestic violence you have been experiencing. Domestic violence agencies, the police, and community efforts have changed  a lot in the past couple years with knowledge, funding, and just an awareness on the impact of domestic violence. WEAVE has a lot of services that may be able to assist you! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for more information on our program and the services we offer!  


 

my husband has hit me in the past when he was on drugs, and now as far as i know he isn’t on drugs, when he gets pissed he calls me names and belittles me. but today he threaten to bust my jaw, and i don’t even know what i did wrong.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been experiencing this with your husband, no one deserves to be belittled or threatened. I don’t know what transpired to make him threaten you, however you can do nothing that deserves that kind of punishment or response. These situations can be hard to deal with on your own! WEAVE offers a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 that are here to talk!! You are not alone please reach out!


 

Can you all help me. I know that I’m leaving my husband in a few weeks. What do I need to do? I’m so nervous. Do you guys have plans or checklists? We also share a child together; what do I do about him. I don’t want to keep my husband away from his son or my children; just me. I have been in the house for almost a decade, sad to say this I don’t know what to do, but I know it’s time.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! Leaving a domestic violence relationship can be difficult to navigate on your own! It’s hard and confusing trying to make a plan for leaving a relationship, especially a relationship you have been in for so long. There is not a set list, however some things to remember are birth certificates, SS cards, medication, school records, legal records, etc. There are a lot of legal information/paperwork to consider as well such as child custody, divorce, and domestic violence restraining orders! I would recommend you call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 to get information regarding our legal/counseling services, that way you can bounce ideas off an advocate and help formulate your plan on leaving. We are here to help !

Please someone give me advice on being set free. My boyfriend and I are having a baby together. At first he pretended to be Mr. Right. He promised that we would get a house together and that he would try to make me happy. He pretended to want all of the same things as me in life especially a baby. Soon after we met, I had lost my job for reasons beyond my control and it left me devastated both financially and emotionally, to top it off my mother was dying and has since passed from cancer.


Since meeting and falling in love, it has been a series of lies. He has made several promises that I know now he has no intention of keeping. He is extremely controlling, physically, emotionally and financially abusive. When I told him I was going to leave, he called the cops on me and framed me for domestic abuse. I now have a case pending. I am now homeless as he has abandoned me financially and even though I have no intention of returning to the home, I can not even contact him to find out the status of him supposedly securing a residence for the baby and I. I realize this is highly unlikely considering he is a sociopathic liar with no concern for my safety or the safety of my child. Obviously, I can not rent a place myself because I am out of work. There is nothing available in my field in Albuquerque and it is likely I will need to relocate to secure work and financial stability once again. The criminal matter will likely drag on for several months and even though it is my first offense for any criminal matter and I am being charged with a misdemeanor, I will have to at the very least appear for trial. Is there any type of emergency financial support or help with securing a stable home for myself, my two pets and the baby growing inside of me while I am forced against my will to live in Albuquerque for at least the next several weeks? Many thanks for your help.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. As you may have saw WEAVE is located in Sacramento Ca. Unfortunately I do not have many resources to give you in Albuquerque however the National domestic violence hotline will (800) 799-7233. There are also shelters specifically for pregnant women as well. However if you get in contact with a Domestic violence shelter near your current residence they will be able to help you with social services as well as housing referrals. I am sorry about the death of you mom and the position you are currently in! WEAVE is here if you need to talk (916) 920-2952.

My domestic partner decided to sell our home. I was totally against it concerned about being left behind with no place to live. He reassured me over and over that we would remain together that we would search for a new place and that he would return from working out of town to help me move when we found a new place. So I hesitantly agreed and signed the papers. None of his promises were kept and now I have no place to live. When I contact him he does not answer over and over to no end. When he does answer he belittles me as to why I am not looking for a place to live. He makes me feel that I am the one doing wrong even though he seems to not even care about me living on the street. I am lost and confused . Are there any legal recourse or of any kind I can take against him?


 
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry you are now facing homelessness. My main concern is your safety, depending on your location there are different agencies that may be able to help you get off the streets until you find a more permanent place. Unfortunately WEAVE cannot answer any legal questions on our message boards however you do have options!! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for information regarding housing options and legal services! You are not alone!

Can my boyfriend who is out on bond for harassment under domestic violence tag in Colorado leave before the court date to go on vacation in the Cayman islands?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately we are unable to answer legal questions on our message boards. WEAVE is located in Sacramento Ca, and the laws and regulations are different in each state. I would recommend you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 to get in touch with a domestic violence agency in Colorado to answer this question for you!

Can you help think wife and son are conspiring to kill or set me up. They been telling everyone I’ve been losing my mind, say I been hitting her, all untrue think they’re plotting to kill me make it look like self defence. Yes we’ve had problems who hasn’t. Please help I’m not mental or a woman abuser. please do not contact law enforcement for me. Need more evidence I am a little paranoid. (Cut personal information for safety reasons)

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. WEAVE is located in Sacramento Ca and I understand you are in washington. I would recommend you contact a local DV shelter in your area for support and information regarding your situation. To find a shelter in your area you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233. I am sorry you feel that your family is plotting to kill you, I can understand how that can be very uneasy! If you need anything from us please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.  

my x husband is running away from police because i catched him molesting his daughter with fingers and mouth and i called police it was caught on camera too,it’s been 8 months i want to divorce him but i read that according to the law he is gonna keep half of everything including my house where his 3kids and i live, i don’t want that that will leave me homeless , can i still divorced him and not loose my house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! Unfortunately I cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however you do have options and we are here to help!! I know it must be scary fearing that you and your children can become homeless, please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or our legal department at (916) 319-4944. You are not alone and we are here to help !!

i lived with my friend an her boyfriend moved in an 6 months later he was drunk an started to slap my friend around then he came after me so i called the police the police came an took him to jail an they put a no contact order but as soon as he got out he came back to the house an i had to move my stuff an find a place to live cause i didnt feel safe he is still drinkin an was very mean verbally so they wanted me gone i found a room to rent but i still need damage deposit an food this all happened at christmas time is there anyone that can help me as i am on welfare for a bit an 600 doesnt go very far please what can i do i live in edmonton would there be any help financially for me or am i gonna be livin outside in the cold

hope u can help me figure this out cause its not fair he has court in a couple of days an he will be warm i probably won’t be

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were put in a position where you had to leave your home and relocate. There are a lot of agencies that are able to help with services. I would recommend you begin with the Department of Human Assistance (916) 874-2072 for food stamps and general assistance. You can also google there agency to sign up for food stamps and other services. If you need any other support or information please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.  

I am in a strange situation. 1 yr ago my mother passed. I am 50. I had moved 800 miles to help her for the last months. My stepfather and I have always had an odd,difficult relationship. He’s been around for 40 yrs. I went home 3 mths after she passed when I figured he was ok. A month later he shows me a house he wants to buy me from my mothers money. I figured he’s a bit antisocial also 800 mis from his home (they had recently moved before she passed) he must be sad and lonely. I moved out to the house(which is in my name)and shortly after he moved in. I was working,cooking cleaning etc. Turns out that apparently wasn’t enough. All of a sudden he became mentally cruel and abusive. For the last 7 months I live in my room for some reason terrified of this 74 yr old man. I usually have no problems sticking up for myself but with him I just can’t. Now the strange factor. The last 2 months he’s having multiple hookers over all hrs of day and night. Also dealing drugs all hrs of day and night. I came home early from work about a week ago he was in kitchen watching porn at full volume naked and masturbating. Since then he seems to have “amped” things up a bit. How can i have him removed? He says even tho house is in my name it’s his. I believe this all is because I wouldn’t “play house” with him. He’s obviously a narcissist and believes he’s above the law his word is gospel and money buys everyone. Please help. I can’t leave all my money has been being spent on homeowners ins. Inspection and now property taxes

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been put in that situation with your stepfather, as well as the passing of your mother. I would recommend that you reach out to a local law enforcement agency to discuss your options in regards to having him removed from your home (the house is only in your name). No one deserves to feel trapped in there room because of what someone else is doing in the next one. If you need any support or have further questions please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

Me and my girlfriend got into an argument she left with her kids and filed a report saying that I beat her and her kids DHR is involved we are together but I am on probation can DHR get a warrant on me for the statements she made

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I unfortunately do not have the answers you are looking for. I would recommend you get ahold of your probation officer, since this would be the fastest way to get an answer for your question. I am sorry you have been put in this situation, if you need any support or have other questions please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I live in texas with my husband we rent an apartment and his dad’s wife came last night making problems she’s uninvited person do i have right to call police to get her out she’s bothering us Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. As you may have seen on our website WEAVE is located in California, so I am unaware of the laws and policies in Texas. However I would contact the local authorities to understand your options since she is an uninvited guest and not on the lease. If you have any other questions or need support please contact  our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.
I have a temporary restraining order against my ex husband and he has NO CONTACT with me nor our two children. The judge allowed him to live next door at the neighbor’s house and yesterday they placed a wooden board painted with Merry Christmas with the names of my children. Is that violating the restraining order? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been put in this situation where you have to live and see your ex husband, since he lives next door. Every restraining order is different and has rules associated with the order. I am unclear if what he did was a violation, so I would love for you to contact our legal department to get a clear answer on if the incident is considered harassment. Our legal departments number is (916) 319-4944.  

I became romantically involved with someone who I thought was so amazing, sweet, and perfect for me. After about 4 months of dating, I found out he was bipolar as he started acting very strange and having random outbursts of anger over very insignificant things. He also experienced depression and manic episodes but the sudden anger scared me the most. I was willing to look past this until last night. Last night, he came to my family’s Christmas party and everything seemed fine. Once we left, he became very angry out of nowhere expressing that he was mad because I left him alone for 20 minutes to talk to some of my family members. Things escalated quickly as he started to call me names like “stupid” “fat” “ugly” and some horrible swear words I don’t even want to put on here. While I was driving, I told him I was going to drop him off and that I did not want to see him anymore. He started threatening me saying if I go home, he will come too, and if I try to call 911 he will break my jaw. It was terrifying as I was driving and was scared he may do something to hurt us, as he threatened to turn the steering while and “kill us both.” Once I got to his apartment to drop him off he wouldn’t leave my car. I was too scared to call 911 as he kept saying by the time they get there, my face will be broken. I screamed for help and he spit in my face and pushed me against the wall. He even urinated on my car. Thankfully, I was able to run away from him and lock my car and leave. It was the most disgusting, scary thing I’ve ever experienced- all from someone who claims I am his soulmate. My question is what do I do now? I would never get back with him, and I blocked him on everything. I wish I could have called the cops as he is dangerous and a bully. However, I was scared for my life. I really feel like he needs help and I can’t just let this go. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you had to go thru that, especially during the holidays. It is admirable that you still want to help him even after what happened. My ultimate concern is your safety! Unfortunately I cannot give legal advice on our message boards however you do have options regarding your situation! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here to help!

My x boyfriend lives in my house because he convinced me he has changed, so I let him move into another bedroom in my house that i own. I am 68 years old and he mentally abuses me hoping I have a heart attack. He has been in jail in Oregon for physically abusing me. I was told I have to give him a 30 day notice, but if I do that I know he will hurt me. How do I get rid of him without being hurt. He is 50 years old and very strong. We have not been in a relationship for many years. I’m scared. hank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am unaware of the laws and policies in Oregon, but I would recommend you talk to the local law enforcement agency closest to you to discuss a safety plan on how to deliver the 30 day notice. I would also reach out to the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233, to get in contact with a local domestic violence shelter in your area. The shelter may also be able to safety plan with you and provide resources !!
Is it on if your bf is on you and you just feel uncomfortable so you tell him to get off but he won’t and you keep telling him to get of you again and again but he still won’t until you hit him? Everytime he does that I get so mad because I don’t like someone’s whole body and on or holding me to the point I can’t move it aggravates me so when I tell him to stop and he won’t I get mad and hit him but not to hard but the he gets mad and hits me really hard . Sometimes he grabs my arm or hand and squeezes really hard like trying to break my bones or something Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry your boyfriend is not respecting your request to get off of you before it gets to that physical level. Have you discussed this pattern with him before? I am sorry you are being hurt to the point where you feel like he is trying to break your bones! No one deserves to be harmed, if you feel like your life is in any danger at any time please reach out to law enforcement. If you need any support please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I contacted my ex abuser to get closure and he was being very nice to me after treating me terribly after I left him. I’m my mind I thought maybe there’s a chance for us still after he apologized for the abuse. I am married now but having trouble in my marriage (non abusive) I wouldn’t have had an affair but I did want to see him.I still felt needed by him for some reason.

My ex abuser said since I’m married with children he doesn’t see what I want with him. I feel humiliated that I asked to see him. Me being married and him not wanting to see me because of that is morally right but I’m scared of what’s happened to me all of a sudden. Eight years later and I still long for a man who hurts me when my husband is a doll. Any advice is appreciated. God bless!
Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry to hear that you are having marriage trouble with your current marriage. Have you discussed your feelings regarding reaching out to your ex with your current spouse? Sometimes it is hard to understand the desire of wanting to reconnect with an ex abuser or how to let go of a relationship, no matter how much time has passed. WEAVE does offer counseling services to victims and survivors of domestic violence as well as a 24 hour support and information line. Sometimes it is beneficial to talk about any feelings you may be experiencing to an unbiased person, who can be supportive and non judgmental.
A guy recently told me he likes me, but i dont like him because im not a replacement for his girlfriend that he broke up with and not even a week passed? he’s also being very strict, telling me to wake up, do this , do that, eat lunch , dont stay up late, go to bed, etc. It’s getting annoying i saw him as a friend but now he’s ordering me around and i dont even like him. i even told him “I don’t like you” as plain as that, all he replied was “i know”. what do i do to make him stop? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel like this guy is trying to control you. Do you go to the same school together? Have you tried blocking his number on your phone? Or tell someone that you trust about what is going on (teacher, counselor, or a coach). If you feel comfortable telling someone they may have some advice on how to make him stop bothering you. If you need any additional support or advice please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support  and information line at (916) 920-2952.

Divorced. 5 years later im returning from Walmart. I park at my property I’m st and a car blocks me in and driver tells me to get in the car and has a gun. I turn around and run and hear shouts of Im going to kill you and see others are coming at me. I barely make it into the building and lock the door. I call the police as they are breaking in I’m describing what’s going on when they trap me grab phone and smash it and my glasses and robbed of $2,200, and hold me against my will, among other things. I begin getting punched in face and head, knocked out twice, shot with stun gun 3x, and face, back, head kicked then head stomped on and head slamming against the concrete all numerous times. After being knocked out or passing out from being choked with a foot on my throat being last i remembered I wake and find myself in the middle of the road and begin flagging the police down. Police arrive they don’t take a single statement for me but shake hands and high 5 the suspects of the 911 call which had to sound like a murder in progress. Because one was the EX it was considered a domestic dispute they say and would not allow me complaint. Instead told me to leave right then (literally )”leave now and never come back”.

Beat, battered, bloodied, bruised, in shock, and after being denied medical attention (3 time I called over to an officer for help he threatened me) I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

They won’t leave me alone… they filed assault against me and I was told today by a lawyer who believes me… simple assault “I WILL DO SIX MONTHX IN JAIL” and nothing I can do about it because it’s in city court with no stenographer and no recordings and he’s never seen one dismissed from City court . If so I’m a dead person because two of the offenders are police officers.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that all of this happened to you, no one deserves to be treated like you have been! I am not sure why they are threatening to arrest you?? I would recommend that you contact our 24 hour support and information line (916) 920-2952, or our legal department at (916) 440-6797. I am sorry I do not have answers for you at this point but we are here to help!!

This morning my husband kicked me and my things out of the truck. He started trying to grab at my bag and almost pulled me the ground. Luckily two men who work at the facility showed up and got me away from him. Should I report this? Not the first time!


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were put in that situation! Are you safe now? You said this is not the first time something like this has happened, have you reported any incidents before this?  I cannot tell you whether or not to report what had happened to you but we are here to support what ever decision you make! If you have any questions or would like any information please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I was attacked by my drunk girlfriend and when I left the house not to be attacked further I received a call from the police to turn myself in. Now at 56 years old I was arrested for the first time in my life. I had to turn in my legal handguns which are not at her house. They took my mug shot of my scratched up face. The police asked her if I was using drugs or alcohol she replied no. I was never read my rights at the police station. Why is it that the police did not ask her why she didn’t call them 3 hrs sooner when the incident happened? Why did they not ask her if she was using drugs or alcohol? Since then at the court she has admitted it was all her and she is an alcoholic the was completely drunk that night and has gone to AA. Now my perfect record will have a blemish. This should completely be erased from the system . Do I have any recourse ? I have been victimized many times by her but because I am a man the police tend to side with women. What can I do?


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you were arrested for something you did not do! Unfortunately we cannot give any legal advice on our message boards, however I would urge you to contact our legal department in order to receive options regarding your question. The legal departments number is (916) 319-4944, If you would like to receive more support or information please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.


 

Last night, my husband slapped me across the face. He hit me so hard it made my ears ring. We had been at a Christmas party and I went back to the hotel room and fell asleep, when he returned he was furious with me, accusing me of cheating, etc. He tried to snap my phone in half and when I snatched it back from him that’s when he hit me. He’s never been physically violent before but has broken my phone, thrown & broken other things. I’m heartbroken. He said because I had smacked him in the arm twice before (months earlier than this incident) I had already crossed the line and made it ok. He has never been verbally or physically abusive sober and is truly a wonderful man, husband & my very best friend. I never in my life would have thought this would happen to me. I am not a battered woman! I don’t know what to do. I don’t want a divorce, but everything I read says it will happen again. Please help. Please.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you were physically harmed by your husband, no one deserves to be harmed. This situation can be very confusing especially since you have a feeling it will happen again. WEAVE has services that may be able to help! We have a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and counseling services that will be able to give you tools and information on how to either stay (and be safe) or leave your relationship. We are here to support you in any way you need! Please reach out!

Is it a felony to blackmail, to threaten someone sending them text messages saying. If you dont drop the court charges ill just say you raped me. And then still send many more text messages saying. If you dont give me all your money ill just say you raped me. then say you will never see or hear from you children ever again unless you give me the bank card. And all you money or i will say you raped me.


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I unfortunately do not have much knowledge regarding legal terms since I am not a legal advocate, attorney, or paralegal. However WEAVE does have a legal department you can call to get information, support, and advice for what you are experiencing, (916) 319-4944. I am very sorry you are being put in this position and I hope you reach out again !!

I have been in a abusive relationship for 2 yrs yesterday I got fed up and called the police,the police came but couldn’t find him what’s going to happen if they don’t catch up with him for months will they still arrest him or will it be left alone?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Unfortunately I cannot give any information regarding how your local PD will respond to your call, it depends on if you wanted to press charges, if they took a report, and other reasons. I would advise for you to call the police department and ask them, since I do not want to give you misinformation. If you need other services such as legal, counseling, or just emotional support please reach out! We are here for you and you are not alone!!.

I am concerned about a young lady who is 18 years old and has a diagnosed mental illness. Her boyfriend is beating her very badly, has started forcing her to hand over her government check to him, and has choked her to unconscious on several occasions. He is 17, turning 18 on Christmas Day and plans to move in with her. He was arrested 4 months ago for one the incidents of choking her unconscious and there was a temporary order of protection but once it expired she went right back to him. Is it possible to report this to APS since she is currently off medications, unable to make healthy safe choices for herself, and this guy is taking her government checks. Those of us who know her are just waiting to here he finally killed her, and our local PD has given up trying to intervene since she always goes back.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Regardless of a mental illness Domestic Violence is a very hard issue to navigate by yourself. I would recommend to give the young lady our support line number (916) 920-2952 or the national teen hotline 800-872-5437. Both numbers will be able to provide support and resources for her and even some guidance with whatever choice she decides to make. I am sorry local PD seems to have given up on her, we are here to help !!!

I’m a domestic violence survivor who gained the courage to take myself and my son away from my abusive husband. I’m currently living with a relative who just yelled at me and pounded their fist on the table….I froze and now I’m shaking and crying … why am I having this reaction a year after leaving the abuse? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be very challenging to recover from any abusive relationship no matter how long ago the abuse was. It is very common for an individual to have “triggers” or “reactions” when someone gets upset. WEAVE does offer counseling services for victims and survivors of domestic violence that may be beneficial. Or you can call our 24 hour support and information line to talk to someone at (916) 920-2952.

I feel bad because I’m the husband. My wife has been continually physically abusive to me. I took at first but I just recently lost a finger nail because of her and I getting in a fight. She literally throws canned food at me sometimes. I’m confused if I am the one at fault somehow. I do touch her her and tickle her sometimes, but it is never aggressive, however sometimes she tells me its my fault, and to remember how aggressive was. I’ve never hurt her. I just don’t know if I should ever touch her. This is not a facetious or purposely ridiculous post; I’m a real dude. I’m in central coast Cali (SLO area).

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! It can be difficult to reach out and ask questions regarding domestic violence. I am happy you felt comfortable enough to do so! I am sorry you have had objects thrown at you, no one deserves that. WEAVE is located in sacramento ca, we do have services you can partake in, however it would be a long drive! There is the national domestic violence hotline that you can call to get in touch with some agencies near you that can provide services such as counseling, residential, and legal help. The number for the national hotline is (800) 799-7233.

What to do about roommate bringing violent ex back in the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be scary living with a roommate who brings someone violent over. If you feel like you are in danger please contact law enforcement. This can be hard to deal with on your own and confusing on what your next steps should be. Do you have the resources to move out? Have you reached out to any friends or family for support? If you would like to talk or get help please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

Hello, I am at a point in a 15+ year on and off relationship, where I am mentally, emotionally and verbally abused almost everyday. Even for just asking How his day is going. Names called, basically there are rules for when and how I speak to him. Anyways, my problem is that even though I know I am being abused I still beg for him to not leave and that we can work on it… while at the same time knowing he wont change, and I deserve way better My question is can WEAVE help someone like me who seems so mentally ill, that she wants her abuser still? Thanks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I understands that there are a lot of reasons why someone can choose to stay with an abuser, and love is one of them! Staff here at WEAVE will never look down upon someone who wants to stay with an abuser, our main concern is that you are safe! We have counseling services you may be interested in! Please contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 for information on our counseling services as well as our other services.  

I live in North louisiana. My bf of around 2 years (off &on) came to my house acting like he was ready to be friends now because he “missed his best friend”. We’ve known each other since I was around 8, I’m 44 now and he’s 49. Anyway we got along fine until I told him we weren’t getting bk together and reminded him that he said just friends. Long story short, he ended up holding me hostage in my home for 2-3 nights, taking my phone from me as well as more physical altercations than I can count. I’ll be the first to admit that I have hit him first on many occasions (previous & this incident). And Im pretty sure I hit him first everytime during my being held hostage this last time 3 days ago. He has held me as well as many other gfs hostage on many many occasions. This is not a first for him. When I tell someone to get out of my house I expect them to get out of my house, so when he wont, and laughs in my face telling me he will leave when he gets ready to, yes I punched him, many times. I do not plan on telling any lies, unlike him. So, he starts telling me the only way I’m getting out of my house is in a body bag with him. Says he’s going to kill me then himself, I’m going to take that seriously!!! So, thursday night, I suddenly got the opportunity to run out of my house and get to my car and lock the doors before he caught me. I started my car and he tried to punch my window out then tried to get in bk door. Then he starts trying to stop my car. I back out and drag him thru some bushes. I put my car in drive and take off down my driveway which is about a quarter of a mile long and gravel. I live way out in the country and n9 real close neighbors. Almost at the end of my driveway I realise he is hanging onto my Sideview mirror of my car. As I get to the blacktop road and take a left out of my driveway he decides to finally let go and I ran over him. His leg or legs is what I’m hearing. He’s a diabetic. Uncontrolled & noncompliant!!! Now he is hiding out somewhere and refuses to go to hospital for medical attention. He has two warrants for his arrest he’s been avoiding for very long time not related to us. I’ve been told that he has an open fracture of one of his legs! I reported the incedent to sheriff’s dept but they can’t find him. His son has sent word to me threatening me if I keep pushing the issue with the law that he will see to it I do 20-25 years for attempted vehicular manslaughter!!!! I’m only trying to forsee his daddy to get medical attention. I’ll always care a great deal about him but I know we can NEVER be together again!!!! It gets worse everytime!!!! This is way worse than I ever thought it would go. I did not hurt him intentionally. I didn’t mean to run over him!!! I feel horrible and I’m worried to death about him. My question is can they charge me with anything and if so, what? Also, several months ago, during another hostage situation, before he took my phone I texted my daughter that he wouldn’t let me leave to come do her hair. My 2 daughters showed up with 4-5 cops and he ran out the back door and got away. Where I live is a small town amd nobody here is hard to find but the law stopped looking for him when they left my house it seems. If they would’ve kept looking until they found him he would be in jail rite now and this other much more serious ordeal wouldn’t have happened. PLEASE HELP ME!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO????

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! I am sorry you were held hostage in your own house, that must have been very scary! WEAVE is located in sacramento ca, and laws are different depending on the state you reside. The National Domestic Violence Hotline will be able to connect you with shelters and resources closer to where you live, that way you can receive accurate information to your questions. The number for the hotline is 800-799-7233. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My ex-husband refuses to move out. He has a violent temper and is verbally abusive. I feel unsafe in my own home. What are my rights the house is mine through our divorce.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel unsafe in your own home. You do have options! Unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice on our message boards. Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952, WEAVE does have a legal department that can provide information and options for you!

My daughter’s ex boyfriend is like poison to her the other night Bob he doesn’t do anything he does drugs stays out all night they can do what you want the other night he broke the door down through here across the room and then said if you call the cops I’m a kill you bitch and he broke the door wouldn’t lock so she had to leave because she scared him and I am terrified that he is he’s going to come back and something’s going to happen so why did she would our Bersouth and he would come in and Anna fora bug me with her don’t come if we what hit him like Bridget need with a baseball bat is that sub the beds

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry your daughter is having to go through this with her ex boyfriend. There are a lot of available resources for you and your daughter. These situations can be very scary, if at any time you or your daughter feel like your lives are in danger please call law enforcement. If you need resources or support please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My boyfriend moved on with me and we got into it t he put a rock through my car windshield and they also found 2hits of acid hr got nothing?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! Unfortunately I am unsure about what you are asking! If it is “why he wasn’t arrested” I unfortunately am unsure. Usually when law enforcement is called they will give you a card with a case # and the name of the officer who responded. If you have this card I would advise for you to call and ask any questions you may have. If this was not your question please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

I don’t know what to do….. my boyfriend… well I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore because I am tired of him pushing me, hurting me & calling me names and drinking so much alcohol. Over the weekend when My little boys were at their fathers for the weekend my bf ( we will call him Ben) started acting really scary, he was hiding in the pitch black garage with a gun… I got scared and left, Ben called me and told me he was going to kill himself and that he’s glad I am not there because he doesn’t know what would happen. Then yesterday he called me and told me to stay on the phone and listen for the “end” he kept repeating it and I hung up and I called 911. Ben left before the police arrived and no one heard from him for over 24 hours. He told me that if he didn’t have me, no one would. My question is this, is it the alcohol taking? Do you think he would harm himself… or do something horrible to me, or

Worse my babies?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, this can be a very scary situation not only for yourself but for your family. If you feel like you or your family are in danger at any time please call law enforcement. If your boyfriend is having thoughts about suicide,  the alcohol can have an impact on his decisions, however alcohol is not the only answer. Our priority is to make sure you are safe. If you need help or would like to discuss some of your options please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. I would advise for you and your family to get somewhere safe and to call law enforcement since he is threatening your life by him saying “if he can’t have you no one can”. Please reach out if you need support!

Domestic violence cam emotional abuse count

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Domestic violence can be emotional, physical, sexual, financial, or even spiritual abuse. If you are experiencing any of these forms of abuse please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952 to speak with someone.

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years. Hes quick to put his hands on me every time he dosen’t like something i do. He will kick me out side for hours and say that I was not allowed in the house because he makes more money than me because he gets a G.I. check the first of the month even though he dosent work. He doesn’t pay attention to me he’s always bossing me around and controlling every little move that I do I’m always wrong and he’s always right and I just don’t know what to do anymore he refuses to get help from the VA Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been going through this with your fiance! No one deserves to be bossed around or controlled by someone who is supposed to love them. If you need to discuss some of your concerns or worries please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. You are not alone !!

Can i get full custody of my son if he is only 2 months old and I have charges pressed against my ex boyfriend? My ex boyfriend has hit me for months, even when i was pregnant, and i recently pressed domestic violence charges against him as well as a restraining order. I recently moved out of California because my family lives in Texas. He would hit me while holding our son and i wanted to try to get full custody. I have an audio recording of him hitting me that i wanted to use in court. I was hoping that it would help my case. I also have documentation of him stating in court that he hit me while i was pregnant on a restraining order he got on my mom after she threatened him. She was mad about him hitting me. I’m unemployed because i was on maternity leave and quit my job to be a full stay at home mom and im living with my parents. Hes threatening that i cant get full custody but he has a big drinking problem and smokes weed. The only things he has over me is that hes working and has his own apartment that his parents help pay for. As well as a car.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you have been experiencing this with your ex boyfriend. But I am grateful you have the support of your family in Texas. The laws in Texas and California are different so I do not want to misguide you in any way.

Please feel free to call our legal department at (916) 319-4944 or the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 to get in contact with a shelter in your area whom may have a legal department as well If you still have questions please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

My 17 year old son got into an altercation with my husband (stepdad). He was cussing and yelling because we took his phone because of being disrespectful and my son stood up in front of my husband yelling and cursing in a challenging way. My husband put him on the floor of his bedroom but once held down he started choking my son and I had to push him off of him. My husband and I have been married 8 years. My husband has started taking citalopram a few months ago for anger/depression issues and lisinopril for blood pressure. Husband only had anger issues starting 2 years ago when my father died. I never know when he will lose his temper. Usually it’s he and my son fighting about chores or something that sets husband off. What is the legal term for what my husband did to my son and what are my options? I’m contemplating divorce but question if I’m making a big deal but don’t think I am. What angers me is I am questioning the right thing to do because I think his temper has flared so many times that I’m almost used to it but I don’t want my children in danger and tired of him having outbursts and walking on eggshells. Usually when he gets angry someone indirectly gets hurt. Deep down I believe he is a good man but can’t control his temper. I’m scared and don’t know what my options are. I have 5 kids that live with us aged 20, 17, 7, 6, and 4. I have no college degree and no job and no savings. I don’t know what to do. I feel that choking he has taken it too far. I did kick him out but now wondering if I should divorce. Need advice. I live in Mississippi.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been experiencing this with your husband, and the death of your father two years ago. Unfortunately I cannot give you any legal advice on our message boards however you have options!!! I am going to give you the national domestic violence hotline (800) 799-7233. They will be able to give you numbers to shelters in your area who can provide services for you and your family.

Is it considered domestic violence if my boyfriend has never hit me but he’s always very physically and verbally abusive? This has been bothering me for a few days and i dont know how to talk to people about it. I also dont want it getting back to him because he never hit me, so a rumor going around that he did might make him very mad. I just need to know if his aggressive manor is actually a form of domestic violence. Can somebody help?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Domestic violence  is not only physical abuse, it also includes, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual. So to answer your question, yes aggressive behavior is considered domestic violence. A good way to see if someone is being abused is to ask, does this behavior make me feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or any other negative feeling. This can be very confusing and hard to deal with on your own! WEAVE has a support and information line you call call at (916)920-2952 or you can call the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233. 

I filed a restraining order against my husband 2 days after he was admitted to the hospital with blood clots in his legs and other life threatening problems I took him in because I’m stupid I want him out he was in the hospital for a month he’s back at drinking and smoking what can I do to end this?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. You are not stupid, these situations can be confusing and tough to handle. I am a little confused about your current situation, It looks like you filed a restraining order and he is now living with you again? Was your restraining order approved? Unfortunately I cannot answer your question with the current information. Please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line to talk about your options and your current situation. 

I am trying to help my cousin. She is trying to divorce her abusive ex. She is currently living in Oregon with her mother, so her ex cannot get to her. Her home is in Orange county. Who can she contact to get legal help? She has exhausted all her funds hiring attorneys in Orange county, who take the money and do nothing. He has sold off all their business and home and keeps postponing court dates. She has been living in Oregon for 3 years, but her divorce is in Orange county.She can no longer afford to drive back and forth because she lost her job.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with you question! I am sorry your cousin has been dealing with this issue for so long. But I am grateful she has someone like you to lean on as well as her mother in Oregon. WEAVE does have a legal department she can call for any questions or concerns (916) 319-4944. I am unable to give any legal advice on our message boards but if you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.
my boyfriend has has a painting business. Which I work for. We live together as well. He has continually withheld money from me the entire relationship. He makes me feel bad if I refuse to work and promises things will be 50-50. He lies. Now he is kicking me out and I have nothing, no money or assets. I am a single mom of 2 young children and I have no family or friends. what can I do to keep my children and I from being homeless in the winter in Iowa

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question! It can be very scary not knowing where to go or who to contact regarding your situation. I am genuinely sorry you have had to go thru this! Unfortunately WEAVE is located in Sacramento CA. However there is a national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233, you can call that number and ask for domestic violence shelters in Iowa, that may be able to help you! You are also able to call out 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952 if you have any questions or concerns. 

My bf and I have been together for 4.5 years and have lived together for 3.5. Our relationship has always had some levels of control, in the beginning of our relationship, he was mean and invasive towards my privacy he would go in my room and secretly read my journal from the year before. Eventually he asked if I’d allow him to read it and at first I said no because my journal was from when I was a depressed teen and was really embarrassed but he was very persistent and even described how his ex let him so I should too. This made me mad but I said yes from which I had censored some things I’d written because they were too personal. Anyway he found out because he had read my journal beforehand and instantly got mad at me for hiding things. I didn’t know how to explain myself because the information I had censored was sexually aggressive completely not like me but I wrote that originally because I was angry depressed and confused. He’d also do the same with my facebook and other social media. Was I wrong for keeping that from him or am I allowed some level of privacy? I thought I was wrong. Years later and we move to a new state. This is where he starts breaking my belongings he first broke my phone and laptop because I wanted him to talk to me calmly. Later he would break my phones for talking to friends of the opposite sex but these were the only friends I had. This scared me so I started feeling alone and even though he didn’t like me talking to them I did it anyway and he broke my phone again (2 so far). Then I made anothr friend who was gay but was just a friend at the time. He didn’t want me talking to her either and would constantly get mad when I did but I needed to feel like I had someone like someone cared about me. That’s not a good excuse to betray someone like that but he terrified me. Anyway he keeps snooping thru my phone and misinterpreted all of my texts saying they were suggestive and forbade me to talk to her. When I said no and led to another argument he broke that phone too.I still didn’t stop talking to her and she quickly became my best friend. I loved having her in my life but he hated her. One day she kissed me and I really enjoyed it but this terrified me because I knew that meant I had feelings for her and my bf would be angry. I never told him for a while because I got scared. I understand this was wrong and I should’ve been honest. Anyway he found out because he was being nosy again and I confessed. He seemed okay and promised he wouldn’t be mad in the future about it. We moved on and one day he kept blowing up at me. He’d spend all day yelling about her and made me call her to tell her I could no longer talk to her. She didn’t answer the first day – he made me call like 10 times – but he didn’t let me leave his sight until I did. Eventually I did and had to lose my first real best friend. About a month later and he’s more verbally aggressive. He yells at me when we don’t have sex saying that since I kissed someone else I need to be more open to sex with him but hearing this made me very uncomfortable. One day after yelling at me all day he grabs me and gently takes my clothes off which scares me again because I’m scared to give in and then see him be mean again so out of reaction I bite his lip because I’m scared of what’s gonna happen. He yells at me from which I leave to the living room. I fall asleep and next thing I know I’m awake and covered in cold vegetable broth so I get mad and he throws a bowl into my new TV which breaks. Now everyday he uses the kiss against me for everything. If I get mad he says he won’t calm down until I yell at my ex bff (the one I kissed) the same way. He tells me that I should treat her as shitty as I treat him. He constantly threatens to break my belongings if I don’t treat him better and even threatened to beat “her ass” if I’m around her again (both of which I have recorded). The problem is I’m so far away from family and had to leave the one person who could help. I’m constantly scared work and go to school full time so I’m not home often which scares me cause I never know what I might come home to (I had to replace my TV which I use for school to watch online lectures). He controls every part of my life and won’t even let me take my own car to work. This also scares me because I’m so paranoid he’ll show up because my ex bff works with me. What if he decides to beat her or me or something? He’s not recently hit me or is usually violent but what can I do? Should I be scared? Could I have changed something or did I deserve this for yelling or being friends with people he didn’t want me to be friends with? I want to leave him but we have a lease in our apartment. Plus I’m scared he will follow or harass me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you feel isolated and scared in your current situation. None of this is your fault!! You do have resources and options. We cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however there are resources for restraining orders, options to get out of your lease, safety planning, etc. you are not alone, and we can help you. Please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for more information. Or the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233.

In August my husband put his hands on me. I had just got home and he had drunken a whole bottle of Jack Daniels, a 24 pack of beer and when we went to get dinner he had a pitcher of beer all to himself. We were planning on going to the movies after dinner and we got in an argument in the car. He wanted me to sneak beer in my purse to bring into the theater. He was really drunk. I got mad and decided to return our movie tickets and go home. As I was walking to the ticket booth he grabbed me by my pony tail really rough and dragged me back to the car. He kept calling me these aweful names in public. Nobody helped. I was crying and I got away from him and returned the tickets and got our money back. I called a friend and they talked to him and calmed him down. I took him home and I couldn’t stop crying. The next day he didn’t remember. He apologized and promised to get help and go to AA or private counselling. He stopped the hard liquor but now he drinks more beer. He has really bad mood swings and I’m always afraid that I’ll say something that’ll make him mad. I want to leave but I have no money or family out here. I have a therapy dog and I’m worried he might hurt her if he gets too drunk.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry you were hurt by your husband. No one deserves to be abused, or worried that someone they love will harm them or their animals. If you want to leave you have options, I know that you have obstacles (no income, animal, etc) however there are agencies that can help! I am unclear about what county you reside in but you can call the national domestic violence hotline at ( 800) 799-7233 to find shelters and resources near you. You may also call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your options or help you plan how to leave.
What should I do if my husband threatens to hit me?? Should i call the police? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. If your husband threatens to hit you, this can be considered emotional abuse. If you feel like your life is in danger at any time please reach out to someone you trust or law enforcement. You have options regarding this matter! If you would like to talk about those options please reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. You are not alone and you have options!
My child’s father has physically abused me in front of our 2 year old son multiple times and there has been police reports in the past and DHR has been called on to investigate child abuse. Can my son be taken away from me even though his father doesn’t stay with me and I have physical custody? Can I be put in jail for child abuse? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been abused by your child’s father, no one deserves to be hurt. Unfortunately I cannot answer that question without more information, I know it must be scary to think your child may be taken away. WEAVE is here to talk ! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 for more information.

My husband thinks he can touch me between the legs anytime he feels like it, randomly in the house, throughout the day, and in the car. I hate it. I say stop. HE doesn’t listen. He says because he is my husband he is allowed to touch me whenever he wants. What is the law in California on this? I just want to know so I can tell him. I doubt he will stop. It is demeaning and makes me feel powerless. THen later I have a hard time when he wants to have mutual sex or intimacy. I tell hIm his hands can’t violate me one hour and turn me on the next.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you are feeling violated by your husband, and he is not listening to you when you ask him to stop. What you are experiencing is Marital Rape, the laws associated with this differ between states however in California it is illegal and can be punishable as a felony. If you have any questions or need support WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 that is here to talk.

Hi ,I have a 2 month old son and a month ago my mom kick me out for the weekend and my ex baby daddy smack me all the time but it’s because I told him to help me with him and told him to get off his butt and take care of him and be a dad and he’s a man child,he told me that he’ll drag my boyfriend mason who wants to adopt my son in the middle of a street and beat him to a bloody polp if I sign his name on my sons birth certificate including me as well not to mention he has records of murder and he death threaten me my boyfriend and my son, what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. If you, your boyfriend, or your child are in danger please contact law enforcement. WEAVE does provide services such as counseling and law (restraining orders, divorce, and child custody). If you have questions or would like to seek help please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

my husband slaps my disabled son what should I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. It can be very difficult watching a loved one be hurt, especially when they are not able to defend themselves. Unfortunately I cannot tell you what to do, however I can give you options. You can call our support and information line at (916) 920-2952, you can report the abuse to child protective services, or you can leave with your son to a safe place. This decision can be very difficult to make on your own, we are here if you need to talk!

 

I do OA work (copy papers, errands,) for a firm my mom once worked at. (I’m 18 first job.) Last week I went to L.A. to help at a conference. At the hotel I set my suitcase by some shuttle vans. When I came back my suitcase was gone. A 23 yo paralegal who I work with loaned me some clothes and shoes. The second night she invited me to see L.A. This L.A. lawyer she knew had a new Mercedes. He took us to Beverly Hills and Santa Monica. We walked a pier and ate at a restaurant in Santa Monica. Her lawyer friend paid for dinner. I thought something was not good because after we left the restaurant and were walking back to his car he put his arms around me and my coworker but my coworker wasn’t pushing him away? We rode in his car to his house close to the ocean. He asked if we wanted something to drink. My coworker reminded him I was 18. He said I could get some soda from his refrigerator. He left to let his dog outside. I poured some pepsi but my coworker said to add rum. I shouldn’t have but I did. When he came back in he asked if we wanted to go in his Jacuzzi. My coworker said we would. I never Jacuzzi naked. We were talking and my coworker kept swimming in circles in front of us. When she swam she touched his and my arms and legs and things. She kept jumping out of the Jacuzzi to get us more drinks. I could feel the alcohol. I went into the house to use the bathroom. When I came back my coworker and him were kissing. I keep wondering why I was stupid and didn’t just stay inside his place or just put my clothes back on. I went and jumped into the Jacuzzi again. When they swam over to me I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I should have jumped out but I was too afraid? My coworker was doing everything. He just watched. I kept thinking this is not good. She had me up on the side of his Jacuzzi. I kept thinking at the time he was going to rape me but he just watched. That is what I don’t understand. He didn’t do anything but watch. It wasn’t like rape too in some ways because I had undressed myself?She never put her fingers or tongue inside but only outside my vagina. I never said to her no stop that’s enough or don’t do that? She never had me do anything to her besides kiss and tongue her mouth. When she went down my body and later went down on me I never resisted which I guess on my part would have been ok had I been a better communicator? I didn’t jump up or say I didn’t want it or why was I even letting her do this? After I finished she swam over to him and gave him a blowjob and some sex while I waited and rested. After he took us back to the hotel. It was over. I have to see my coworker tomorrow. I don’t know what to say to her. On the plane ride back to Sac she didn’t even talk about it. Now I’m feeling feelings like maybe it’s ok but shouldn’t I say to her it was wrong how she used alcohol to get to me and kind of forced me to Jacuzzi naked? Thank you for contacting WEAVE. These situations can be very confusing especially when they involve people you know. None of this is your fault, and you are not alone. Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of any kind that made you feel uncomfortable. Any time there is alcohol involved no one is truly able to give consent as well. I cannot tell you if you should confront your co worker or not, however seeing her can be very confusing for you. WEAVE does offer counseling services as well as a 24 hour support and information line that are here to talk! (916) 920-2952. Please reach out if you need anything.

I had an ex boyfriend who was obsessed with me to the point where he threatened to kill himself if i would leave him. He emotionally abused me for over 4 years. During our whole relationship he was in prison and somehow managed to secretly call me everyday to see where and whom i was with. It has been almost 4 years since i have cut ties with him, i have a completely new life. I got married and started a family. My concern is he still to this day hasn’t stopped trying to get in contact with me: either finding out my phone number or having acquaintances show up at my previous jobs. He was able to somehow contact my husband recently and advised him he wasn’t going to let us be together. He is very irrational, and dangerous: I’m scared he will figure out a way to hurt my husband. What can i do? I’m desperate

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have had to deal with this for so long. It is never a safe feeling to know that someone is trying to contact you in many ways when that contact is not wanted. We cannot give any legal advice on our message boards, however there are agencies that specialize in this matter. For instance the house of ruth may be able to provide you more information on how to keep you and your family safe as well as provide information for any questions you may have, the number is 909-988-5559. WEAVE also provides a 24 hour number that may be able to shed some more light on this situation, the number is (916) 920-2952. If at any time you feel like you or your family is in danger please contact emergency services.

A OLD RELATIONSHIP I HAD THE WOMAN HAS THREATEN FOR SOME PEOPLE TO BRING HARM I GET FACE BOOK TO SHUT HER PAGE DOWN BE.FOUR THESE PEOPLE.BRING HARM TO ME PLEASE HELP ASAP. If you are being harassed on social media,  you need to report the posts directly to Facebook. WEAVE serves survivors in Sacramento County, California and we do not have the ability to initiate any actions with Facebook.

My abuser has been arrested and taken to jail 3 times last DA has charged him with impeding breath police photos show there’s no doubt it occurred time before police photos show my eye swollen shut huge bruises on my body. Got out on bound for impeding breath by signing judge enforced protection order violated it by coming to my work police report was filed with witnesses he’s still out showed up at my 90 yr old mother’s house where I reside now she’s scared to death shows up at my new job but Hunt County TX won’t do a thing what do I need to do to enforce this.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you have been going thru this for so long, it must have been scary for him to continue to show up at your work, at your mother’s house, and other places. Unfortunately WEAVE is located in sacramento Ca so I am unclear about the laws and regulations in TEXAS, however you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 to get transferred to an agency near you for further questions and concerns. Or you can reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

 

Is it wrong to want to leak my surveillance video of my ex fiancé attacking me in order to be heard. He has gotten away with this two times. The DA doesn’t even seem to care.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am so sorry that you feel like you haven’t been heard regarding the domestic violence. No one deserves to be hurt, especially by someone they love or once loved. Unfortunately I cannot tell you if you should leak the video, or give you any legal advice on our message boards, however WEAVE does have a legal department that you can call at (916) 319-4944.

Let me start by saying that my husband and I are faithful Catholics. Our faith is very important to us as is our marriage and having a family. My husband has been known to yell when angered enough or to hit walls, but we just recently had a son who is now 4 months old and I’m worried. Since he was born, he’s continued to show more aggressive behavior than before. Initially he blamed it on lack of sleep while the two of us were taking turns waking up for the baby in the middle of the nights, but now that my husband is back at work and it’s just me waking up, he doesn’t really have that excuse. He picks our son up roughly and very abruptly, and hits walls or kicks things if the baby cries when he’s trying to get him down to sleep. That’s half the time. The other half of the time he freezes. Doesn’t make an effort to comfort the baby. When asked about it, he says he’s “working on it,” but as someone who suffered at the hand of her own father for much of her childhood, I’m worried I won’t draw the line until it’s already too late and he’s done something we’ll both regret. I don’t think he would intentionally hurt our baby, but I’m worried he doesn’t care that that might result from the things he does. And I’m also worried about how he’ll be when our son is older and does things like not go to bed or throws tantrums. If it’s frustrating now, it’ll only be worse later. I love him, I love our son, and he loves us both, but it’s like he loses his senses in those difficult moments.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you are being torn between the love you have for your husband and the need to protect your child. Have you reached out to anyone for support such as friends, family, or your priest. WEAVE offers a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and counseling resources as well if you would like more information regarding your current situation.



 

I have a history of DV with my sons father. I have file a TRO but he couldn’t be served because he would cease communications each we tried to serve him. For a while there was neutral meeting place to exchange our son but when he doesn’t get what he wants starts to send me nasty text messages and emails my husband’s belittling me and calling me bipolar. idk what to do because by law I can’t keep my son from him because it’s would be parent alienation. I’ve tried TRO and every time he just disappear…This last time, we had a neutral place he agreed and the night before emails my husband stating that we are to come to his house if I want my son back after we already agreed that we would meet the neutral place…He has since then threaten over the phone and has message my husband calling us name and has text my phone calling me names and belittling me. I have ask him not to contact me and I am filing court papers, however I don’t know if I file a DV TRO or DV TRO with custody


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry your going thru this drawn out custody battle over your son. It is always difficult when domestic violence and children are mixed. Unfortunately we do not give legal advice on our message boards, however we do have free custody workshops every first wednesday of the month you can attend to get some answers. We also have a 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 and a legal department you can call at (916) 319-4944.



 

I just got out of a mentally abusive relationship and was never hit, but I’ve been having triggers while learning self defense. Is it normal to have fear/triggers even though I was never hit?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. Even though you were never physically hit, domestic violence can leave scars that a person may not be aware of until after a person is outside of the relationship. These fears and triggers can be hard to deal with by yourself, WEAVE does offer counseling services that may benefit you. If you ever need to talk please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-295.

My ex boyfriend and I always got into fights because he would always hang out with girls or play games and I would get jealous. I always made him take me somewhere when I didn’t want to go I was just scared another girl would take him from me. He now always says I’m ugly or I never wanted to date you, and tells people about private things I told him. I have to see him every day in college what do I do? I now have a boyfriend who supports me, but I don’t know whether to tell him about the situation because he loves me and I’m his world, and he would go and beat up my ex. I don’t want anyone to get hurt I just wanna know if this is domestic abuse. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. All relationships are different, however a relationship with jealousy, anger, and/ or put downs is not healthy. I am glad you are now in a relationship with someone who loves and cares about you! I cannot tell you whether you should tell your current boyfriend the details about your previous relationship. However if you ex is harassing you with put downs and spreading intimate details about you, this can cause you a lot of stress which can be harmful if you keep all of your emotions inside. If you decide to tell your current boyfriend, will he understand that you don’t want violence? You mentioned that you’re in college, most colleges have a free counseling center on campus if you needed someone to talk to. If you need additional support please feel free to reach out to our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

My dad used to abuse me as a child. I once had a asthma attack because of it and my parents didn’t take me to hospital. My Mum recently got out of hospital after 2 months and my Dad hasn’t abused me since. Is his mood changing because he missed my Mum, and is happy she’s back?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am truly sorry they did not take you to the hospital when you had an asthma attack as a child, and that your father abuses you. No one deserves to be abused and I hope you know that none of this is your fault. I hope you mom is doing better now that she is out of the hospital, sadly I don’t have the answer as to why he hasn’t hurt you since your mom was discharged from the hospital. I am including a link to a website that explains the cycle of violence http://www.domesticviolence.org/cycle-of-violence/  This could explain the “cooling off period”. If you feel you are in danger please call the authorities or reach out to our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. We are here to help!

I’m  a victim of domestic violence, he was convicted of felony domestic because it was strangulation. he is now divorcing me. he abused me financially, verbally and physically prior to this arrest for more years than i want to admit. We have 3 kids and a dog. For the past 4 years since this has happened the kids and dog have been in my custody. He has paid very little child support so I have financially supported everyone including the dog on my part time job. He came in the house while I was at work and told my son he was taking the dog for a walk and never returned with her. We are heartbroken, especially the kids, because they are so bonded with her, she was a gift to my daughter. she is also therapy for my son who has health issues, the dog isn’t a registered therapy dog. He is saying that I told him to take her or I would take her to a shelter not true . He is refusing to bring her back not even for mediation. How do I get the dog back. If the court goes with who has the most money I will lose. How do I show that we are better to keep her. I don’t have a lot of vet receipts and it had my name as the primary but the office added his name. He paid for a lot of her checkups and food. the city dog license has always shown my name as owner as well as the registration for the microchip. What are the chances of us getting the dog and how to not make a long drawn out court battle? any suggestions or advice to help us get our beloved pet back? I don’t know how many more nights I can listen to my kids cry themselves to sleep. The kids are teenagers so you know this bothers them. Thanks

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, It must be hard having an animal that you truly love be taken away. We cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however you do have options regarding this matter! Please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952 or our legal department at (916) 319-4944.

I received a call from a number that I did not know. I answered it and nothing was said just noises were being made so I hung up. The same thing happened a few more times. I texted and asked them to stop calling me but they called again. However this time I didn’t answer it and the person left a voicemail. I couldn’t make out everything being said but it sounded like someone was in trouble. There was a man doing most of the talking. He sounded angry. I made out a few words but they were vulgar. He sounded like he was yelling at someone and it was just really sketchy to me and I don’t know what to do about it.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, It must be discomforting having people call you frequently and hearing confrontations on the other end, that can be really scary especially if it is not a number you recognise. You can call your provider and see if they have any resources, you can block the number, or if you recognize the number you can contact the authorities. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.


 

I am in a relationship that is verbally abusive. I am on disability and can’t afford a lawyer. Plus I have animals I can’t leave

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you’re in a relationship that is verbally abusive, no one deserves to be abused. There are options for you, WEAVE provides services such as counseling, legal, and even residential services. If you would like to discuss your options please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. I understand you are worried about your animals however there are resources that will board the animals either for  free or on a sliding scale fee.

HI, I am writing in regards for my son in Florida. He was in a relationship with a woman (never married) for 10 years. They have 2 kids together. She bought a fixer upper house. He rebuilt the house by himself using his time, money and 10 yrs of hard labor. He traded his truck in so she could and did get a brand new car.After the house was done, she threw him out on new year’s eve. She gave him no warning about anything. For awhile he slept at friends houses and then 3 months ago, he got a room. Now, he was slammed with an 1100.00 cs order in florida. He is scared that he will not be able to make that much money. She works at laser spine institute in Tampa. She is a nurse in the operating room. Can someone out there help me? Thank you Sc

Ps, she would not allow his name on the house

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, unfortunately laws differ from state to state. WEAVE is located in California, so I do not want to give you any misleading information. There is a national domestic violence hotline (800)-799-7233 If you contact that number they will be able to give you the numbers of shelters and services in Florida. If you have any questions please contact our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952. I am sorry we were not able to provide more information to your question.

My wife of 6 years and her step son, who is 17 beat me up last night and I was forced to leave. I pay ALL the bills. All that I have in were mine prior to the marriage. I have marks on my face and I fear a concussion. Among other things. I have taken photos.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, no one deserves to be abused and I am sorry you were beat up by your wife and stepson. If you were hurt you should seek medical attention as soon as possible. What you experienced is considered domestic violence, you are able to call the police to have them take a report if you want. If you need any support or have any questions please feel free to call our 24 hour line at (916) 920-2952.

My abusive ex keeps emailing me and will not leave me alone and i told him to “let me go”, in a response email. Is this considered harassment? And can i get a peace order to have him leave me alone. I kept all of the emails just in case something may happen. He has come to my work twice unannounced over the summer. It’s been 6 months now and I really do not want him bugging me anymore and I am sure if i send another email saying leave me alone, he will just respond. What can i do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, it is great that you’re creating boundaries by informing your ex that you would like to be left alone. You are able to apply for a restraining order, the list of the different types of restraining orders, how to obtain one, and the details can all be found on the Superior Court of Sacramento Website. If you have any other questions, or need support please call our 24 hour support and information line at (916) 920-2952.

A supposed ‘friend’ and his family pressured me into joining his church when I was a teen. This church is run by mostly old white men who claim to talk to god. These men oppose the ERA, gay marriage, and really are misogynists. I should have never joined but my ‘friend’ at the time and other church members put heavy guilt on me. After a year and a half of joining I was sent on a church mission. I was expected to pay my own way. It was like being prostituted for a religion. I was sent overseas. When I arrived overseas the church took my passport. I was forbidden to telephone home. I was told when to eat, sleep, and even pray. I was not permitted to be alone. I was expected to speak a foreign language they required me to learn. I was often typically pressured throughout my mission to be up every day at 4:30 or 5AM, recruit all day or do chores, and could not stop until 10:30 every night. I was essentially a prisoner again. I secretly cried. I was really just kidnapped in another way. The third world country I was in was dreadful. I had to boil water to drink. Toilets were sometimes just squatting over a hole. There were all kinds of parasites to avoid getting. I was often bitten by countless mosquitoes and bugs. Sometimes I was out in the countryside and jungle living alone with my unpicked-by-me periodically-changing ‘church companion’ controlling my every move. I felt abused, afraid, and alone. I was expected to recite memorized introductions and speeches to non-church people to trick and entice them into joining the church. Beyond my church members I rarely saw another foreigner. It was a rarity beyond my church-given changing ‘companions’ to hear anyone speak English. There was no one to ask for help. Local residents generally regarded church missionaries like me as American invaders. Sometimes my local church leaders would search my few personal belongings. They would also read my letters, journal, and look at any photographs I kept to ensure I was remaining ‘obedient’. Church leaders would ask me if I was keeping myself sexually and spiritually ‘pure’. Because of ‘spiritual cleanliness’, sometimes I was asked if I had done anything sex-wise or what I had been sexually thinking. It was mind breaking what they did to me. Tacked on with my earlier childhood abuse and captivity I fell into a severe feeling of despair and depression. After more than a year into my religious captivity I was sent back to the USA. I was forced to keep working as a missionary in the US since I had ‘failed to finish my agreement with god’. In the last week of my final year as a missionary I was told there was a plane ticket for me to return to California. I was permitted to go home. I broke down and sobbed for hours. I returned to California penniless. I was emaciated and starved to what most people would probably think I was an anorexic. But I returned to Sacramento. I cried for days and was frozen up for years afterward. While WEAVE does not focus upon religion and cult trafficking, and I feel my church missionary experience was not as horrendous and evil as some of my earlier childhood abuse and captivity, is it possible I can at least talk about my spiritual abuse too when I get my sessions with my WEAVE counselor?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, as spirituality represents a significant source of identity and community, what you have described stands out as a painful deception. While we honor all faiths we do not condone these types of exploitative behaviors that can be a manipulation of religion. We encourage you to discuss whatever will best help you heal with your counselor including your experiences with this group. If you need any other support please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952.

Hello, my situation is not that bad just need unbiased advice. I dated this guy for about a year & half on and off. It’s been a very volatile unhealthy relationship. We are both jealous & controlling. I am a 24 yr old female & he’s 37 yr old man. Our relationship began to get physical with me putting my hands on him maybe 3 different times. He never hit back until one time we were out he accused me of flirting with guys & called me a bad name so I pushed his face away & he pushed my face back hard. He immediately left the bar & we broke up. He apologized for putting his hands on me & even bought a trip for us to go to Mexico. I decided to get back with him mostly because I should have never put my hands on him in the first place. Fast forward 8 months we just got back together after being apart for 2 months. He came over we had sex and started working on our relationship again.2 weeks later he came over we has again he goes to throw away the condom and sees another condom in the trashcan ( his condom from 2 weeks ago) & loses it. I told him it was his condom but he pushed me on the bed got on top of me and started slapping me across the face. He even tried to choke me. I pushed him off he was calling me all kinds of names I tried telling him it was his condom he hit me multiple times again … Left Marks on my face. He left he text and said I better not tell the police on him … Since then 2 days have gone by & he has continuously called & text me from random numbers apologizing blaming some medicine he’s taking plus he was drunk. I’m completely done with him but should a restraining order on him? I feel like I don’t know what he’s capable of now & I don’t want to deal with pressing charges. Or for him to think he can get away with this.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am truly sorry that you are going thru this, no one deserves to be hit. I understand how you can feel confused about wanting justice but not wanting to go thru the process of the court system. You have options, you can go to the courthouse and get a restraining order against him, another option is to cut off all communication with him by switching phone numbers, or you can call the authorities and press charges. All of these options can be very stressful, however there are other options that we can discuss with you on our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952. If you feel like you’re in danger at any time please contact emergency services for help. If you need support in any way please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

My boyfriend, who is also the father of my unborn child, got physical with me the other day in front of my son (age 2). I went to the hospital and got checked out and was pressured into filing a report. Once I filed the report they informed me they had contacted DHR. They did a safety plan with me and my sons father bc I don’t want to press charges, so for the time being I only get to see my son during supervised visits, even though I made my boyfriend move out. My boyfriend has never been physical before. I’m torn bc I want my child to have his or her daddy in it’s life, but if that’s going to affect whether or not I get my son back, I don’t want that. I don’t know what to do, and I guess I could just use some advice and guidance.


Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry that your having to go thru this. These situations can be confusing especially when their are children involved. I would recommend calling our 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952 to either talk to someone or get connected with our counseling services. The advice and guidance I can provide on the message board is limited due to not knowing more information.
I am feeling really nervous and afraid about what goes on in Weave counseling appointments. Maybe its just me but the Weave office feels very cold, unfriendly, and clinical with the glass medical office receptions windows and nothing to read but welfare, abuse and rape-related pamphlets and one DIY magazine. The counseling room I was in was so cold and sterile too. The intake counselor was very direct where I guess because of the time it takes I felt rushed and hurried to just get out of there. I have big problems and just don’t understand why it takes weeks to get help. I don’t want to sound snooty or ungrateful but I’m just not doing too well and it hurts to feel I have to wait weeks to get a counselor. If Weave is really not set up to help some of us please just be honest and let me know so maybe I can check with other places to get some help and counseling sooner. Thank you for reaching out to us regarding concerns about your visit to our office.  We are mindful that our clients may sometimes arrive experiencing different levels of distress and our goal is to provide a safe environment while waiting to meet with a counselor.  Our triage sessions are designed to obtain an initial assessment to determine which of our services will best suit a client’s needs.  After a client is enrolled in services, there will be ample time to share issues that are the source of distress.  Our 24 Hour Support & Information Line is always available to offer support if you are feeling the need to talk to someone.  They can also provide any needed referral information. Currently, our wait lists are very low.  Please contact Monica in Client Services at 448.4982 to inquire how soon you can begin accessing counseling services.

I asked my husband of 26 years for a divorce after he had decided to fall back into taking drugs again. I was then told if I went through it he would take me for 1/2 of my wages because he has not worked since 10/2012 and is awaiting his SSI disability. I left the home, due to escalating arguments and threats to financially take me down if I go through with it. I rent my mother’s home, and I pay all of the bills. I allowed him to stay there while I found a place to go, but my living situation is only temporary. The separation has escalated to where my husband has become hostile, and threatening. I filed a restraining order because he decided to stalk me and then approach me, pushing me, in front of others. I requested the court evict him, but they did not grant my request. I am in limbo waiting to get back into my home. If my name is the only one on the lease, and his is not, and he has become hostile towards me, does the owner of the home have grounds for evicting him?

Without a home in NM

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you are stuck in this situation and being uprooted because of it. The laws vary from state to state, our agency is located in Sacramento, Ca however if you call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 they will be able to connect you with resources closer to you. Those agencies may be able to answer your questions regarding legal as well as offer other resources such as case management and counseling.
My ex-wife and I share joint custody of our 10 year old daughter. Mother’s boyfriend beat my ex-wife with our daughter present in the home. My ex continued in the relationship with her boyfriend. When my ex-wife works she allows her boyfriend to babysit our daughter? What can I do to stop this? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry your daughter is in an abusive environment. These situations are always difficult especially when there is a child involved. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards however you have options please contact our 24 hour support line to discuss them at (916) 920-2952.

I need to find the names of the life insurance policies my ex daughter in law took out on my son. See my son was a victim of emotional abuse by his narcissistic wife. She was extremely controlling too. Soon after they were married he started wanting to kill himself. She constantly was bashing and belittling him he would tell me but then finally he put up a wall and she isolated him from family. It was no secret she wanted out of the marriage. Anyways she knew he was suicidal and she took him off his meds. She keep dangling the I’ll leave you if you don’t do as I say. Although he needed to be under a doctor’s care she refused to let him get him. Then finally he came to me and wanted me to help him so I did I got him to emergency room at nearby hospital and he got treatment. Once his wife found out I was helping him she dumped on him told him our marriage is over. Why would she do that when I was helping him? Well then I got the dreadful phone call. My son killed himself . She never shed a tear over it either. I just want to know what policies he had I have a strong feeling she set him up to collect and benefit of his death. There’s lots more details that point at her also. I’m sure there’s at least insurance fraud here. I’m reaching out for the abused men who get overlooked. Thx

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am truly sorry about the death of your child, and the obstacles you are still dealing with. Unfortunately we cannot give any legal advice on our message boards however I would recommend you can call the national suicide prevention hotline at (800) 273-8255 and ask if they are able to connect you with anyone who can give you any legal information, or can point you in the right direction. I am truly sorry I can’t give you more information, if you need to  talk feel free to contact our support line at (916)920-2952.

Hi i’ve never been in a situation like this and i need help… My ex has had domestic charges on him before from previous relationships but he was taking classes and i thought he was getting better then i saw for the first time that side of him the other day because he said i disrespected him cause i wouldn’t get him a glass of water and he just blew up on me i am 3 months pregnant by the way so i left his house that day ever since then he’s been acting like everything is fine and i should get over it but he told me if i wasn’t pregnant that he would of beaten my ass already…and he said that he’s not going to change his ways and that he’s warning me to stay on his good side or he will put hands on me so i broke up with him and blocked him from fb and he just went crazy again i told him we only need to talk about the baby and so he kept texting me all this other stuff and said if i didn’t answer him back he was going to come to my house i told him if he did i would call the cops his response was call the cops i’m not scared to go back to prison i’m not scared of no cops i have a 6 year old little boy from a previous relationship and i’m scared for mine his and my unborn childs safety what do i do please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you going thru this with your ex. It is never easy being in a situation where you are worried about the safety of not only yourself but your children. If you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger please contact emergency services. WEAVE as well as other domestic violence agencies offer housing programs that you may be able to qualify for. Please contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 for more information or contact the national domestic violence hotline for a shelter near you at (800) 799-7233.
Hello I’ve been living in a domestic violent relationship for the past 5 years and pay cash rent to my ex boyfriend. He refuses to give me receipts for my payments and takes every penny I make from working. He knows I have nowhere else to go and can’t save any money to move out but keeps threatening to evict me. I don’t know any laws but need legal advice. He has threatened suicide and homicide if i don’t get out. Please Help! What can I do. I live in Connecticut. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry you have had to deal with this situation for so long. WEAVE is located in Sacramento Ca, however there are shelters across the U.S that focus on domestic violence and will be able to provide you with services. To get in contact with a local shelter please call the National Domestic Violence hotline at (800) 799-7233.

Hi, I am from Brazil, I met and got married with my husband among 6 months, we fall in love and he dosen’t wanted leave me go back home. But soon that we got married he changed completely and start scary and abuse me. He knew I needed my paperwork done for be able to drive and work. But I was thinking this things was work fast, but was not like that. And he start be mean to me, insulting, humiliating, blaming me for anything. He left me in a strange and dangerous place without phone or car. He start says our marriage was a terrible mistake, and then he avoided me completely, days and days without talk to me. He can be angry for anything, and scary yelling and driving very fast on propose. He touches my intimate parts when I am sleeping, I already wake on middle of night when he did that. He said everything of bad in his life is my fault because we are married. He want me leave the house, but he knows I have nowhere to go, I depend on him for everything. He said he is not gonna file my paperwork, and then if I don’t do what he want he is gonna call the immigration for deport me.

 

I really don’t know what to do. I looking for help, because I feel sick and alone. He knows I am in his hands, because that he does whatever he want with me. This is not fair.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry you feel trapped in this relationship because you have no support, no money, and because of the paperwork. No one deserves to be abused, and I am sorry you’re experiencing this. WEAVE does have a legal department that can answer some of your questions as well as a support line that you can get further information the number is (916) 920-2952.

For 10 years I was abused by my husband. We had a high profile life and he threatened to destroy me if I ever told anyone or left him. Finally I had the guts to have him arrested, he served a year in jail. He was released and fighting me in divorce for the money. During that time I took the help from a man ( I was left homeless with everything I owned moved into storage) during this time. Our relationship ended when the fight began with my ex over money. Apparently this man thought he was going to get everything my money & my storage he claims is his since he made payments on it? is that true? can he take my storage? His true colors were seen when he took the truck back he bought me and started to abuse me. telling me I deserved it for what I did to my husband. can this man leave me homeless and without transportation ( even if I made the same amount of payments as he did on the truck) with no money and threaten me to take my things from storage ?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry to hear about both your past relationship and your current one. unfortunately we cannot give legal information or advice on our message boards however you can call the support line at (916) 920-2952 for support. Or contact our legal department at (916) 319-4944.
My friend has suffered domestic violence from her boyfriend for a couple of years. Together, they have 3 little kids. She decided to leave him by throwing him away from their home, where her parents also live. Her parents do not accept the idea of their separation because of their south american andean culture;they see this things normal. Her Parents believe that a woman should be with the man no matter what. The parents do not care if she get beaten up, instead they approve it and want them to come back. She has heard her father telling her boyfriend to don’t be stupid and don’t hit her in the face, but in her body. She has call police to restrain him from coming to their home and he doesn’t understand .He beated her up again a couple of weeks ago and now with her parent’s authorization she came home from work and found him there in her room. She was surprised and tried to come out of the room and he was trying to abuse her sexually. She screamed and everything for her parents to help her out and ignore her. Finally, she just left her house because she has no support from her parents. She is staying in a hotel room with her 3 kids and her money is running out, what else can she do? She is scared of her parents and the father of her kids. Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry to hear your friend is having those responses from her family, however I am glad she has such a good friend to rely on. Your friend is not alone, WEAVE as well as other Domestic Violence shelters, offers a variety of services as well as shelters for individuals like your friend whom have no other options. Depending on the location of your friend she may need resources closer to where she lives, the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233 will be able to provide the numbers to domestic violence shelters in her area. Or she can contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952 to find out about our services.
Is it abuse If you have a fight with your boyfriend and he throws your stuff on the street with you and your dog and makes you take a cab home 55 miles that costs 220$

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question. I am sorry you had to go thru that emotional and costly situation with your boyfriend. It is hard to define abuse however according to the national domestic violence website “Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time.” even though this does not answer your question straight forward, this will allow you to look and see if this definition fits not only the situation that transpired with you being abandoned 55 miles away from home, but in other areas of your relationship. If you would like to talk, please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952.

Hi, I’m 19 and i recently found out that my uncle has been taking pictures of me when I sleep in my underwear. He said he deleted them but I feel so nasty. I don’t know what to do. I wanna talk to somebody but I just can’t. I know he didn’t touch me or anything but i still feel gross. Should I not feel this way cause he didn’t touch me? Am i overreacting?? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry you are having to go through this experience. The thoughts and feelings you are experiencing are completely understandable. When an individual feels their personal space has been invaded or violated they can experience an uneasy or “nasty” feeling that seems to consume their everyday lives. You mentioned you don’t have anyone to talk to or any support system, just so you know we have a 24 hour support line at (916)920-2952. Please feel free to contact that number any time to talk or to get set up with our counseling services.  
I was beaten up by my step father in the 80s i had a suspected broken jaw and also when i was 7 months pregnant he punched me in the stomach and i have a right eye which is closed in through this . Also i have been kicked in the back with work boots load of times . I am age 49 now and through all this mainly the beatings in my back i have no feeling on the left side at all . the other injures which i said in the beginning everything was reported to the police but my family did not want me to proceed with the case . but now my health has got worse through the beatings in my back is there anyway i can get him done for this can u help me as my mental state i am having nightmares etc etc and i rang my step father the other night on the phone to ask him a question as i am getting married next year he told me to piss off on the phone . Can u help me thanks . Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question.I am sorry you had to go through those experiences. No one deserves to be abused and this is not your fault. If you are experiencing nightmares and other symptoms due to the trauma you experienced, we have counselors and a 24 hour support line you can contact at (916) 920-2952. Please feel free to contact the support line for any support you may be experiencing.  
So, my brother texted me and threatened to kill his ex wife twice. I still have the texts. She went to file a protective order for her and the kids (cause he is capable of doing this), but they wouldn’t give it to her because it’s hearsay, even though she had snapshots of the conversation. What can she do (or I) to get this to go through on appeal?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry your having to go through this. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards. Please have your ex sister in law contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952, or our legal department at (916)-319-4944 to discuss options.

I was beaten by my boyfriend at a public storage unit we had rented. three employees and one manager witnessed the attack and did nothing I ran to the office and they locked the doors. I was screaming for them to call 911 but they would not. by not letting me in the office and not calling 911 they caused more beating to me. are there charges I can file against the business and/or the employees.


 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, I am sorry that no one helped you that day. Unfortunately we cannot place legal advice on our message boards, however we do have a legal department that will be able to answer your questions. The number for our legal department is (916)-319-4944. If you need to talk to someone, or need other services please feel free to contact our 24 hour support line at (916) 920-2952.

I live with a man who is abusing me. I have nowhere else to go. I need a protective order but if I get one, what will that mean for me? In other words, I’ll have to leave the house won’t I? That means I’ll be homeless. So there is no solution other than remaining in my abusive situation correct?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE,  I am sorry you feel stuck in your current situation. No one deserves to be abused, and this is not your fault. There are a lot of options out there for you, and every state is different regarding laws and the services available in the communities. Those services range from shelters, job programs, counseling, law, food, and the list continues depending on your county. If you are in sacramento or need to talk please contact our 24/7 support line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your options. If you are outside the county or in a different state please contact the national domestic violence hotline at (800) 799-7233, this number will ask you for your city and state, they will then give you the numbers to the domestic violence agencies in your area.

Okay earlier today my dad was driving by my house. He called my daughter names. When the went to bed I had a dream about a ex boyfriend of mine who I had to identify to to cops which I did. Soon after there was a woman across from me n my daughter and her friend saying crazy stuff. Came to us and pointed her figure at my daughter. I told her don’t and she did. I grabbed her by the hair and started beating her up. My daughter friend thought I’d be in trouble, but I wasn’t then I woke up. Was this mean? Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your question, dreams can mean a lot of things and we don’t use dream interpretation so we can’t say what your particular dream means. However it is possible that with the stress of seeing your daughter verbally abused by your father brought up a lot of mixed feelings. If you would like to talk about any conflict or past experiences that may involve domestic violence or sexual assault that you may or may not be working over please feel free to call our 24/7 Support line at (916) 920-2952

Okay so i have been getting threats from my 3 month old fathers girlfriend. Saying i best be ready for a whooping weather or not i have my f***t child in my arms or not.Can i press charges on her for harassment and child endangerment?I literally have not left my house without my fiance because i’m scared i’m going to be holding him or pushing his stroller and she attacks me. And mind you i have done nothing to her or have said anything to her except please leave me and my child alone bye.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I’m sorry you feel trapped in the house because you’re scared for you and your child’s well being. If you ever feel that you or your child are in danger please contact law enforcement. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice on our message boards, however please feel free to contact our support line at (916)920-2952 to answer some of your questions and concerns.
I am married to my abusive husband , we have three children and a new home. Two years ago he assaulted me brutally on a business trip. I covered it up but I am a wreck two years later. He has not hurt me since then but I am still afraid most days. I am currently on disability and the my husband is the primary breadwinner in the home. In addition to working , my husband also owns a small business. Everything is in his name, the house, cars business. I want to get out of this situation but I want to remain in my home with my children. My questions are: What happens if I am completely honest about the violence, about marital rape? What happens if I get a restraining order? Will this affect his employment? How can I get help with getting a divorce with no real money of my own? Can I make him leave the house? What about the bills ? The only reason I remain here is finances, I want out. I am resident of New Hampshire. Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry that you feel stuck due to financial reasons. Unfortunately we cannot put Legal advice on our Message Boards, and the laws vary from state to state. The resources WEAVE has are primarily in Sacramento, Ca However there is a Domestic Violence hotline that you can call to get resources in New Hampshire (800) 799-7233.
I had a pfa dismissed and the policeman got mad that I did this and contacted my sister and told her before I got to tell my family. Is that allowed? Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry the police officer informed your family before you had the chance too. when you say you had a pfa dismissed are you referring to a Protection From Abuse order? Unfortunately without more information I cannot answer this question. Please feel free to contact our support line at (916) 920-2952 for more information.  

I am running from my husband who has a past of being physically abusive, he still remains mentally and emotionally abusive. He threatened me and said if I leave he will slit my throat from ear to ear, he’s always threatening to physically hurt me and do to the seriousness of the abuse in the past I believe he will fall through with it. He is now mentally abusing and bullying my children, he tells my son he’s gonna knock him out and try him like the bitch he is. My son deals with major anxiety attacks. I have had to escape and flee back home from Hawaii to Sacramento where two of my kids were born and where I was born and raised. I feel like I have to get as far away from his as possible because I fear for mine and my kids safety and really feel like he will kill me. He has kept me from working the last two years, doesn’t give me access to any money. So I don’t have any money and know support from family and friends. I want to start a new life for me and my kids but know that when I go back to California I’m going to have to hide because he is from there as well and he will send friends and family to hurt me or take my kids. I know he’s gonna come looking for me and if he finds me he will either hurt me or kill me or hurt my kids. My kids are ages 14, 15 and 2. My kids are so scared and fear for their safety as well. What options and resources do I have. We will be homeless?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! I am sorry you and your children are going thru this experience. Fortunately there are a lot of options out there for you and your children. There is a National Domestic Violence hotline (800) 799-7233, if you contact this number they can give you the resources in whatever city you choose to reside in. If you or your children are in immediate danger please contact the authorities ASAP. If you have more questions or need additional support please contact our support line at (916) 920-2952.

I lived in an abusive marriage. We had 2 children together. We were married for 20 years. He was mentally, verbally abusive and did rape me. We went through a very ugly divorce. He abused the system by harassing me with continually filing motions. Many which were not justified. I had to go to the Sacramento court to counteract all that! I went through Anxiety and had to be treated and went into counseling because of the abuse during the marriage and the court actions. It was Hell! The divorce has been final for 5 years. But, we were still going through division of community property for years after. That is done now, but I have heard from my Attorney who won’t be representing me anymore since our case is over. He said that my Ex wants to continue filing motions. I can’t go through all that again. At one point of the process, I had to have my Dr. excuse me. We went through the courts for 3 years or more. My question is I cannot afford an attorney to represent me. I can’t go through the courts again! I cannot handle it! What can I do to stop him? Or not have to show up at all. I did temporarily have a restraining order against him during the divorce. His attorney doesn’t care about not filing motions as he is getting paid. And, he has treated me rotten in the court proceedings also. Please tell me what I can do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry for everything you have been experiencing. Unfortunately I am unable to provide the legal advice you are seeking on these message board, but you can contact our legal department with your questions and concerns. There number is 916-440-6797, they may be able to provide the assistance you are looking for.

Im 26 yrs old from NJ and my bf has gotten physical with me on 2 occasions and both occasions he was drunk. I’ve since come to the conclusion that he had/has a drinking problem. The first time was about 1 yr and 9 months ago & he choked me up against the wall but someone that was there intervened and stopped it. I almost broke up with him and should have then but we had never fought that bad and i felt in my heart that he would never do it again. I didn’t make it easy for him and we were not living together at that point so it was easier to kind of “heal” if you will. The second time was 5 months later and he broke a ceramic plate on my face causing me a partial broken jaw, missing teeth, and thousands of dollars in repetative surgeries. I don’t know why but i had seriously believed it was an accident (he “threw the plate to scare me and didn’t mean to hit me”) In my heart of hearts i figured that this guy needs some serious help and i wanted to be the one to help him through it. So I decided for me to help him I was going to move in with him. We have been living together ever since, he hasn’t gotten physical again but it was a tough battle getting him to stop drinking because that was obviously when he lost all self control. Instead he has resorted to mental abuse. I had to delete all of my social medias (including my business promo page) yet he has every single account on the web, instagram, facebook, snapchat, twitter, whatsApp. I cant go even go to my hometown to see my family without him throwing accusations that im going there to cheat on him. Im apparently supposed to be a rude b****h to every guy in the world. If i take too long to do something or go somewhere, he leaves without me. If i don’t drop whatever im doing to tend to him when he says so, im useless. People who used to know me (friends he made me leave behind) will tell you they know me as strong minded, outgoing, independent, outspoken and confident. Now, i don’t feel that i’m any of those things. I feel like i’m losing myself and i can’t take it anymore. I can’t talk to him because when i tell him, hey i feel like you’re not being fair to me when you call names and it’s not right that you condescend me about everything. He will just reply with “well i don’t like when you etc. etc.” so it turns into a petty back and forth we get nowhere. I have seriously thought about leaving him and moving out but i cannot afford it so i’m basically stuck in this endless cycle and i don’t know how to get out of it. Recently i let him know that i am not happy and i don’t see this working out, and of course, he makes me feel guilty and like its all my fault and I have to work on changing even more things than he has already made me change, but he doesn’t have to change anything. I know i need to get out, what suggestions can you give me to do this so that i’m not homeless. Even if he moves out I can’t afford the rent on my own.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am truly sorry your going thru this with your boyfriend. Your safety is very important, if you feel like you’re in danger please contact Law Enforcement. We do have a legal department that may be able to assist you with any tenant issues. We also can provide you with a vast amount of resources to assist you from not becoming homeless.  If you wish to talk more about your situation and the resources available to you please call our support line at (916) 920-2952.

My ex husband assaulted me and on the final assault he was arrested and charged. His family has a lot of money and paid good lawyers to prevent him going to jail. We share a son together and he keeps taking me back to court. After years of battling and not knowing what I was doing in court I decided to settle and gave up a lot of my rights to my son. He now has him plus his older son full time (whose mother also told me was abused by him). I miss my baby boy so much. Now my husband is remarried and he refuses to let me meet his wife who is basically raising my son. They live a 24 hour drive away from me and I’m on disability due to also having gone through cancer. He used my cancer and mild clinical anxiety and depression against me in court. He litigated me for years. Now he is taking me back. I’m afraid he is going to try to get his wife to adopt my son…which is what he tried to do with me and his first son when we were married. He told me he wanted me to adopt him because he wanted revenge against his first son’s mom. Now I’m scared he will do this to me and possibly succeed. He spent hundreds of thousands on his lawyer to get the results he did in court. He refuses to let me speak to my son now and won’t help pay for him to come see me. He won’t even give me an outline of dates I can see my son. I wish I never told anyone he was assaulting me and had just calmly left the situation… now he is so angry and seems to be only into cutting me down to nothing. I can’t work and am so stressed from all he keeps putting me through. I haven’t even had a relationship since I left in 2012. I’m so scared he will find out. I don’t know how to make him stop bothering me. Can I ask for a cease and desist order in court? I’ve been going to court with him for 4 years and I’m so tired. I have two other kids and I just want my life back. Is he allowed to just take my son like this and not allow me to talk to him or see him? It’s been over a month since I’ve seen him at all. I am not a criminal, don’t have a criminal record and I am diplomatic with him whenever we speak. I don’t have money for a lawyer and my experience with legal aid was terrible. The lawyers don’t seem to have enough experience to go up against him and the high paid lawyers he can afford. I feel like I can’t live with missing out on my son.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE, I am sorry you’ve had such a long battle with the court system, as well as your health. We cannot provide any legal information on our message boards, However feel free to call our support line at 916-920-2952 to discuss your situation further.
Does WEAVE reference, mention, advise, or encourage people to attend 12-Step group meetings? I’ve been attending 12-Step to get a better understanding of my abuse. I hear mentioned in 12-Step meetings “We are only as sick as our secrets.” Yes or no, in your viewpoint, is that true? A woman I had confided I was feeling suicidal and some of my abuse told all the gory tales of what I had told her to all my family (even my two elementary-age children), all her family (even distant relatives), all the neighbors on my street, all my close friends, and everyone else she could think of because a hotline counselor had said my abuse was a something that needed to be brought out into the open. She divulging deeply personal information she had promised to hold confidential was part of why we severed our relationship. 12-Step also talks about the “inner child” and “adult child” in all of us. I have absolutely no clue what they are talking about. Is this “child” concept something you hear commonly referred to at WEAVE or outside of 12-Step? I hear in 12-Step meetings 12-Step proclaims to not be an organized religion; but really, what isn’t religious about their meetings? There are prayers, requests for services, shares of people talking to serve god and higher power, “spiritual awakenings”(whatever that is), readings, and other mantra. They even pass around an offering plate and the meetings close with everyone holding hands and having us say the lord’s prayer or some other prayer together. Do you think 12-Step claiming to not be a religious group is a bit disingenuous? I’m writing not to beat up on 12-Step (maybe it works for some people) or put you on the spot, but I just don’t understand why psychologists who address abuse treatment encouraged me to attend 12-Step other than in some vague attempt to get me to believe in an imaginary god. I recognize psychologists are just people too, where one wanted me to become an Amway distributor to work under her to speed up my recovery. (I declined.) Is spirituality helpful or required to recover from abuse? I’m atheist so if I need to believe in spirituality to get better I may as well just call it quits.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! I am sorry that you are experiencing this inner conflict regarding the notion that you must embrace religion in order to continue on the pathway to recovery. A 12-step program is built upon the premise that you are not alone. By incorporating religion into their program model the participants can turn to that religious figure 24 hours a day and feel supported. The pathway to recovery is different for every individual; some embrace religion others will embrace family, friends, sports, or even themselves. If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My roommate (my EX husband) us mentally abusing me yelling at me leaving the door open when i asked him nicely not to to it disturbs me he put the oven on 400 shut all doors didn’t turn on cooler i was sleeping while he was baking me! He won’t let me sleep & he won’t clean up after himself. I’m ready to have a nervous break down he harrassed all day in front of our 4 yr old granddaughter she was scarred & upset the whole day!. I want him to realize that he is a heartless person I don’t want to move but will NOT pay rent again to live with someone who feels free to mentally abuse me! I want him to leave be much easier for him to move but he won’t leave unless I do!. I feel as a roommate I have a right to a safe quite place to live. Is my only option out of this for me to move? Or can I get him out somehow?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this with your roommate. You do deserve to have a safe quiet place to live. If you feel that you are in danger living there with your roommate, you may be able to get a restraining order. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk more about your situation and what your options are. 

My boyfriend/ then fiancé moved into my home in January 2016. He has blacked my eye 3 time and slung me around pushed me down and this past week he punched me in the chin so hard I still have a knot and I took pictures every time! He gets his two kids for a week every other week and still goes to court after 5 years of divorce! I’m afraid he will kill me if I go to the police and he loses his kids! I need these people out of my house! How can I legally do that without getting killed? I live in the state of NC! Any advise you can provide would be great! Trying to stay calm and stay low until I have a plan!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry that you have been experiencing this abuse and are afraid to contact the police for help. We cannot provide any legal information on our message boards. However it sounds like you need a safe place to stay while you take legal action to avoid repercussion. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE(7233) to find an organization near you that may be able to provide the assistance you are looking for. 

I am afraid that my ex husbands fiancé has gone to a domestic violence center, but she is afraid of him so she won’t come forward and press charges. I am afraid for my children. Is there anyway through the court system we can get that information that she has been seeking help to help my children and her?

If you feel that your ex husband’s fiancee or your children are in danger, please call 911. Unfortunately we cannot provide any legal information on our message boards. However, you can encourage her to call our Support Line and talk about her situation and we may be able to provide some guidance and assistance for her. Thank you for advocating for her and your children to get some help. Our Support Line number is 916-920-2952

My wife was arrested for spitting on me but I don’t want her in jail

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Without more information, it is difficult for us to provide the services you are looking for. Please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk with an advocate about your situation. 

Hi. I’m 16 and two days ago I went to a party and got pretty drunk. I also tried weed for the first time, which wasn’t a good idea in hindsight because of what happened, but I did it anyway. This guy that I’ve been friends with for a long time started to ask me if I wanted to make out, make his ex jealous, and I kept saying no. Eventually he stopped for a little bit and we sat down, him next to me. He touched my boob and I told him to stop but because I was so high and drunk I didn’t do anything else about it. He did this three or four times until he finally said “sorry, that one was an accident” and ran his hand along my side getting reeeeaaaallllyy close to my vagina. I thought it was over until he started rubbing my thigh and I told him to stop but he didn’t? Eventually a girl at the party saw and made him stop but I’m really scared at what could have happened if she hadn’t. He denied it all the next morning, that it was an accident that he didn’t touch me, but I don’t know what to do. I feel dirty and gross like it was my fault for not moving away from him after he did it. Is it? I just want to know if it’s sexual assault or if I’m overreacting, which is very probable. Thank you.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. I’m sorry that he continued to touch you and make you uncomfortable after you said no. None of this is your fault, and it doesn’t matter if you were under the influence of alcohol or weed. You did not consent to this, and you cannot consent if you are intoxicated. It is normal to dirty and gross after an experience like this. This is considered sexual assault as it was touching of a sexual manner without your consent. WEAVE offers free counseling, if that is something that you are interested in. If you would like to learn more about this service or talk with an experienced advocate about what you are going through, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I went to the court to seek help. In my final protective order I asked the Judge to put my abuser out of our apartment. Because I admitted to breaking his tv and a gaming system she implied there was violence on both sides. He told the judge he has nowhere else to go and because he was smart enough to get an updated lease without my signature the judge put ME out. Now I’m homeless!!!!!???? What do I do? I’m a legal co-tenant in the unit and it is a HUD unit. I thought VAWA protected victims rights.

I just want to go home. I have nowhere else to go.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. This seems to be a very stressful situation, and your safety is very important. We do have a legal department that may be able to assist with your tenant issues. We also have case management and advocates that can help with housing and accompany you to court. To learn more about these resources, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

My roommate and I have not been getting along for awhile. She screams, slams doors, ect. It continuously escalates. Since we are on a month to month lease and our landlord is her family friend, I have received a notice to vacate. I found a place and will be out before the end of my notice. However, in the meantime, she has harassed me-calling, texting, screaming in my face, making physical threats to beat my ass, hurt my animals, destroy my things and even proceeded to shove me into a door to “wipe the smile off my face.” She’s trying to push me to move out sooner-unfortunately I don’t have that ability right now-I am able to move into my new place in a few weeks. What are my rights here? How do I ensure my safety, the safety of my things and my pets? My landlord had placed locks on our doors for our stuff but my roommate claims that she received a key to my room from the landlord and can come in at anytime to hurt my animals or my things. Can I be protected until I am able to move?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like you are experiencing a very stressful situation while trying to move out. Yours and your pet’s safety is of utmost importance. If you are in danger, please call 911. Do you have any friends or family that you can stay with until you move in to your new place? We cannot provide legal information on these message boards, but I can refer you to McGeorge School of Law, and they may be able to help with tenant/ landlord issues and provide more guidance. Their phone number is 916-340-6080. You can also contact us on our Support Line 916-920-2952 if you need more support and referrals. 

I filed charges against my abuser. 
The same day he was able to get my case number from a police officer.

Is that legal?

We cannot provide legal advice on our message boards. You may be able to call the Police Department you filed the report with and ask about what information they can give out. If you are in Sacramento County and needing legal assistance, WEAVE has a legal department you can connect with. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more about our services. 

Is there an online schedule of group counseling meeting times/locations?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We do not have our group counseling times on our website as they are subject to change. To start group counseling, please go to our Free Walk-in Triage that we host every week. Our Triage times and locations are on our Website (weaveinc.org) under the Services and Counseling section. You can also contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 for this information. 

I would like to know in florida if I got arrested (turned myself in) for domestic battery but when I went to the advisory hearing in jail and my girlfriend came to the hearing and told the judge that this was bad mistake and that I did not hurt her ( I did not) in anyway and that she is not afraid of me and that she wanted me to come home. the judge asked D.A. lady if she had a problem with that and she said no and so I was released on ror with supervisor condition. my question is will the state still charge me. I have not yet talked to a public defender yet.

WEAVE is a local organization that provides services to Sacramento County. Unfortunately we do not provide legal advice on our message boards. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, to get connected with a domestic violence organization that is near you. They can provide assistance in your jurisdiction. 

im not sure if this is considered domestic violence. but my girlfriend of almost 2 years, her ex girlfriend is showing up places and attacking me, soliciting other people to attack me. she showed at my house on 3 different occasioning and attacked me. the last time she called 12 people over to my house and they jumped me and while her nephew held me down she tried to pour bleach in my face. my girlfriend had to pull a weapon to get everyone to leave. i want to file for a restraining order but i dont know if this is considered domestic or civil? plus this woman has a right to be at my house because she is my girlfriends chore worker. i am afraid that the situation is a kill or be killed type of thing. please help

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It sounds like you have been in a very difficult situation and it is very brave of you to reach out for support. We would encourage you to contact law enforcement regarding your situation and to discuss filing a restraining order with them. There are often additional legal services available to you at your local courthouse to assist you in filing your restraining order. Please feel free to contact the WEAVE hotline for additional support at (916)920-2952.

I cheated on my girlfriend with this trashy girl. My girl kicked me out and I started seeing the trashy girl. Well one night she started attacking me and I pushed her off. She called the police and I went to jail and she got a protective order. So she kept calling and calling and I went to see her. She got mad because I told her I loved my girlfriend. Then she called the police. I went back to jail (violating the order) I know I’m an idiot for cheating and im
an idiot for continuing to see her. But while in jail she stole my phone got into my emails and used it without permission what can I do if anything?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. If this person has been using your phone and email without your permission, changing the passwords on these may be a good option for you. You may also be able to get a lock on your phone so that she cannot get in to it. Unfortunately we cannot give legal advice through the message boards. If you would like to talk more about your situation, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

I have a domestic violence restraining order against the father of my kids. The court has ordered us to use our family wizard to communicate about the exchanges of my kids and any important information about their wellbeing. He keeps accusing me of harassment because I keep stating the abusive things he did to me in the past and why I don’t believe or trust him now. He also won’t let me meet his new girlfriend so that I can feel more comfortable with her being around my kids, after I authorized her to be a monitor during his parenting time. How can I make his girlfriend meet me?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am unable to provide the legal advice you are seeking on these message boards, but you can contact our legal department. The phone number is 916-440-6797, and they may be able to provide the assistance you are looking for. 

I’m scared my boyfriend want to kick him out of the house he is not on the lease I live in Oregon how do I do that and do I have legal rights in does he

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Because we serve mainly residents of Sacramento County, it may be best that you contact your local domestic violence shelter with these questions. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-322 and they can get you connected with an organization that can provide some legal support.

My ex boyfriend has mentally abused me for years, making me feel bad for going out with my friends, telling me I’m a bad mom, no one is going to love me like he loves me, when I tried breaking up with him he says he can’t live without me and will kill himself and makes me feel guilty.. 

This weekend we had a fight about not being together and things got physical, this wasn’t the first time it got physical but, it was the first time I was really scared.. Now he’s in jail and might be doing serious time because the same day I got an order of protection he violated it, and I’m sitting here crying feeling bad.. Is this normal? Am I going crazy?!

Your reactions to this situation are normal. Although he abused you for years, this does not mean that you do not care about him. It was very brave for you to get a protection order against him, despite how difficult he made it for you to leave him. Making the decision to leave someone you care about for your own safety is not easy, and feeling bad can be part of that reaction. It is important to pay attention to those feelings and get help to process them. WEAVE offers counseling to survivors of domestic violence. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more and talk with an experienced advocate

My “boyfriend” and I have a 6 month old baby. We’re constabtly fighting. He’ll get mad and put her on the ground to yell at me or hurt me.
He’s kicked me, smacked me, pulled me by my hair, held knives up to me, chocked me, trapped me in the house. 
It’s almost everyday.
I’ve tried leaving to my dads and grabdmas but he finds me and forces his way in and takes me and her back. He said next time I leave or if I try to call the cops, he’ll kill me 
I don’t have a lot of proof, but planning on running away with our daughter without telling anyone in fear he’ll follow. 
My biggest worry is him using the legal system to get her back or to find us. Is there anyway I can prevent that? Can I keep him away without proof of what’s beens happening?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your and your baby’s safety is of utmost importance.  I’m glad that you are planning your escape from your abuser, and I’m sorry that you haven’t found safety yet. WEAVE offers safe housing for survivors of domestic violence at a confidential location. Please call our Support Line to learn more about this program (916-920-2952). Also, if you are planning on leaving with your baby and are worried that your abuser will try to report your child kidnapped, you can fill out a Good Cause notification online. Our support line advocates can also provide more info about this. 

My mother-in-law lives in another state but verbally threatens me over the phone that if something happens with my husband’s Health that she will have her relatives come after me and they live in the same state as me what can I do as far as restraining order

Have you considered changing your phone number or blocking her number? Please contact our Legal department about your restraining order questions. Their phone number is 916-440-6797. If you would like to talk more about your situation and other services we provide, you can also call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

My sons father is incarcerated and when i was with him i went through domestic violence but i was scared to report it. My sons father’s mother got temporary custody of him and i want him back. Can i use domestic voilence when we go to court or not since i never filed a report?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We cannot give legal advice on these message boards, but please contact our Legal Department with these questions so we can assist you. The legal number is 916-440-6797 and you can also call our Support Line 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate about our other services.

Edited for length:

I’m not even sure where to start… My current roommate and I have been living together for years and it came about when his former landlord and roommate, passed away suddenly while I was staying with them. We realized my roommate had been drinking.

The drinking continued to become more and more of an issue. It got to the point that I was chasing him outside wearing only his boxers in the middle of winter and at one point he even came into my sleeping area, completely naked and sat on my bed refusing to leave!

I’m female and have survived tremendous trauma in my past. What he was doing put me off heavily, and I talked with him again and again since we’d been friends for years before this all started happening. I thought he had stopped drinking, or severely cut back on it and made it more social than hiding in his ‘room’ and drinking.

Our new apartment was bigger, I got my own room (whereas I slept in the living room before) and initially things seemed really great. After a bit, I started noticing some really gross habits. He would pee in the kitchen and bathroom sinks and the back yard.

At one point, with my health having gotten really worrying, and the tension with my roommate, my dog was sick and needed to go to the vet and he said he’d help me pay for it. He had to work that evening and if he kept putting it off, he wouldn’t make it to the bank before he had to go. Well, it turned into a fight, and I accused him of not wanting to spend his alcohol money to help my dog.. I was angry, y’know a lot of other family issues which just stacked on top of the problems I was having with him). He used the fact I was sick, taking medicine and on government money against me and I snapped… In my entire adult life, I have never been physically violent with anyone, and I blacked out and punched him. He got me arrested. Monday night I ended up extremely sick as well… But to add salt to the wound, my dog had gotten loose while I was in jail, and had it not been for a family finding him and trying to care for him since he was /still sick/ I would have probably lost him. They found my number through his tags thankfully, and I was able to get him home.

I’ve been finding the front door unlocked when I know I distinctly left it locked, I’ve been finding the lights left on in the bathroom and toilet seat lid up (a minor gripe compared to others) and he swears I must have done it because he doesn’t remember going into the bathroom.

It makes me worry what else he’s doing! And I’m in a financial situation that I can’t afford to find a new roommate because I’m not working and only getting enough from the state to barely survive month to month, and the programs for elderly or disabled people (I also have mental disabilities which I’m on medicine for) are closed, and have a huge waiting list.. And subsidized apartments make me weary because I’m not sure if I’ll have more to deal with like people blaring their music, and the pot smoking which makes me sick, despite getting away from my current roommate.

He has ruined our friendship.. and I’m just… not sure what to do anymore… I’ve self harmed to try to relieve some of the stress.. I don’t want to keep living like this.. The fear of him doing something after drinking, which he does nightly I’m almost certain, just keeps getting worse. I know I could fight him off, but I don’t want to have to worry about that. No I don’t have family I can stay with.. no local friends as I’m generally reclusive so I don’t physically socialize much. All of my friends are basically online and out of the state.

What do I do? What /can/ I do?

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I am so sorry for everything that you are experiencing. It seems as though you really care about your roommate, but this relationship with him is toxic to your own well-being. Unfortunately, there is no way for you to change this person and you can only control your own reactions to this situation. I’m glad that you have your dog for support, and that you are seeing a counselor. It is very understandable to be frustrated and stressed about what you are going through. There may be housing options for you out there, please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952 and we may be able to help you come up with a solution. 

I wanted to cuddle my toddler to sleep downstairs tonight. My husband didn’t want him to fall asleep downstairs, so he prized my arms and took my son from my arms. I didn’t resist too much as I didn’t want to frighten my son. Is this abuse?

Without more information, it is hard to say if this is abuse.  Things to consider are whether this is a repeated action, If this caused physical and emotional harm, and what the context was. It does seem that this situation made you uncomfortable, which may be something to communicate with your husband about. If you would like to talk more about this with an advocate, please call our Support line at 916-920-2952.

My ex boyfriend is trying to sue me over his lawyer fees after he went to court For assaulting me. Can he do this? its a Minnesota case and the state pressed the charges

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I would not be able to give advice on legal matters, however I would refer you to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224. They should get you in touch with a local agency that can address your legal questions. 

I am goong through Divorce with three minor kids and my ex husband is very verbally abusive but has a cop as a best friend who says that if he touch me slaps my body and it doesnt leave a mark it will never hold the charges as long as he makes the same vlaims of me being violent back with no matka on his skin. He always say “it will never hold up, here go on call the cops.you grabbed my privates and rapped me or did you force me to kiss you. Dumbass bitch you cant report what I contest and there isnt any proof!” Is he right?? I have told my attorney doing the divoce he said I have to get a report but if he is making the same claims how will my accusations hold? He does have a felony for domestic violence that he was to lazy to get removed from his records it happened the year we married. I tried to leave but reluctantly he always gets me pltrapped by kids or money or injuries me to the point if being to scared to leave. He makes me so angry I freeze up and feel like a helpless child locked in a cage.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and it can be very hard to leave any relationship, let alone an abusive one. I am not a legal advocate, so I would not be able to give advice on whether your accusations will hold. WEAVE has a legal department though that may be able to assist with your situation. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information about this program. 

For over 3yrs, my son’s father has been getting angier during disagreements (hitting walls furniture, stopping me from leaving by taking my cell or yelling in my face backing me into wall corners or keeping in bedroom separate from son) Since last April 2015, has pushed shoved and restrained me by the wrist and arm. When I say stop he doesnt. He only does if I give in by shutting up…say i will call for help. This summer, I called 911 because he pulled me down hall then shoved me into out bedroom away from my son (luckily cell was in there charging). I have never been raped or beaten but we never know when he will lise hus temper at home or public. HELP Is this abuse???? If so, I am a caretaker for our son who is Autistic and a toddler…I can not work right now and have NO money so how do I leave asap?

Very tired scared!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. You are experiencing domestic violence with your son’s father. Abuse is more than being raped and beaten. It seems as though you have experienced both physical and emotional abuse. There is help for you out there, and maybe a Safehouse would be a good place for you and your son to escape to until you are able to get on your feet. To learn more about our Safehouse or talk about other options you might have, please contact our Support Line 916-920-2952.

i got in trouble and when i left my room to go to the bathroom they yelled at me, so i peed in a water bottle in my room, my stepdad found said bottle today and poured it on my bed, he has also taken things i bought with my own money and thrown them away, attacked me and threatened me,should i call the cops? the assault was over a year ago but everything else is recent

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. What you are experiencing is domestic violence.  If you feel you are in danger and your stepdad is hurting you, please call 911. You do not deserve to be treated this way and I’m sorry that you have been assaulted. Please call our support line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk more about your situation. 

I have a big sister who has a husband he treats in a horrible way.He makes me lose my self esteem he also sits on me like he doesn’t care.He starts fights with me then my sister joins along and breaks my stuff I tell then to stop and they don’t listen help me I’m 12 they make me cry everyday I dont do anything because he also bites me sometimes

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you and that your sister isn’t supporting you. Do you have any trusted adults that you can tell about this? You do not deserve to be treated this way. Please call our support line if you need some more support at 9169202952

My daughter is married with a 5 year old and lives in a different state from us (were in FL, they are in SC), he mentally and verbally abuses her and almost gets to the point of hitting and now its in front of the baby. She wants to leave but has no money, no transportation, no family in SC what can we do? If she leaves and takes the 5 year old with her to Florida with her family or, is this illegal. We of course would start filing for custody and divorce in SC. Her threatens her everyday with taking the baby and throwing her out.

Thank you for advocating for your daughter during this hard time. WEAVE typically only provides services to Sacramento County residents, but I would encourage you to reach out to local domestic violence agencies in South Carolina. They can give you more information about what services they can provide to your daughter and help her make a safety plan for when she leaves with her child. Please contact either the National Domestic Violence hotline at 18007997233 or our support line at 9169202952 so we can get you connected with the right agency for your daughter.

I left my abusive marriage one year ago… He promised if I left I left with none of my belongings money and he would make sure I never got a dime.. So for last year he made sure I’m broke and homeless. Everytime I step one foot ahead he screws it up now my family support group has decided it’s been a year I should be working full time n living in a place times up so they turned there backs and said don’t call us. Now I was stay at home mom so I have no skills I went on a few interviews

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. I’m sorry that your abuser has made it so difficult for you to move on and start a new life. It sounds like you might need some support getting back on your feet. WEAVE offers case management and legal services that might be able to help. Please call our support line at 916-920-2952, to learn more.

I am bedridden due to a 1999 back injury that put me in a wheelchair and has gotten much worse over the last 17 years, partly because I had to do things my doctor told me not to do but I had to care for his children when he went out of town several times each month for several days at a time. In 2008 we had a home fire where I was left home alone but fighting the obstacles I managed to crawl out under the flames in -16 degrees snowy weather (without my wheelchair as it was blocked in from stuff stacked behind the doors so they did not open wide enough). The aftermath stress was pretty high and really took a toll on my physical and mental health. my husband does not hit me but he has destroyed personal property, withholds food, and ruined my car and then forced me to sign it over to him and he used it as a trade in and bought an expensive car we really cannot afford and expects me to pay for it out of my disability. He does not allow me to go anywhere without him and refuses to leave the car home when he goes out with his buddies. I have never made it hard for him to use my car even when mine was the only serviceable vehicle. A year ago he left me alone for a week while he went to stay with his dad. Before he got this car he would take mine I brought with me to the marriage leaving me with no way to go anywhere, even to the doctor and I had to cancel numerous appointments and physical therapy. I have only left the house about 10 times in the last year for appointments but I am not allowed to go anywhere by myself and certainly never allowed to even use the car that I am contributing finances to. But, he does not hit me at all.

I have an unspecified brain deterioration and an abdominal aortic aneurysm, both are being monitored. I have to schedule my appointments well in advance now because he refused to allow me to see the vascular surgeon for 18 months a year ago. I see her now every 6 months for an ultrasound to monitor it. I am just so tired to being treated like I am worthless once the kids grew up and left home he had no more need for me except to take my disability as his own because he said I am not allowed to have ‘personal’ property it is all his because we are married. He is a government worker so I fee very threatened because he is well known where he works and nobody knows me at all after we moved from home. Of course he is nice to others at work but not at home and with not being allowed to go anywhere I am unable to meet people let alone make friends.

During one argument he slammed my arm in the refrigerator door and I reacted and smacked him so I am the guilty party so I feel like I am sentenced to life with this person. I just wish I would hurry up and die (I do have 2 life threatening conditions) because I don’t know how much more I can take of this.

I don’t know if anyone can help because of my physical condition and mobility issues.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You are very brave and truly a survivor. I am so sorry that your husband takes advantage of you and does not treat you with the respect you deserve. You have a life worth living and it sounds like you’re ready to take the next steps in this situation. You may benefit from legal assistance, as well as counseling for some of your traumatic experiences. Although he has not hit you, you are experiencing abuse and there is help for you. Please contact our support line 916-920-2952 for more information about our services and other resources.

My husband has been beating me for years and the beatings are escalating very bad. He doesn’t hold back at all… I’m afraid to call the police because I have a warrant from another state that is 16 years old. Will they arrest me to ?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Your safety is of utmost importance. Unfortunately I am unable to give legal advice, but you can call the Victims of Crime Resource Center to ask questions about your warrant and what your options could be. Their phone number is 1-800-842-8467. 

hi,my boyfreind of 14years has a gun lisence and carries at least 1 usually more on him at all times.He is also taking testosterone injections but wont take the other pill the doctor told him to take because he doesnt like the way it makes him fee.he is so out of control with anger and has violent rages.he has been physically abusive to me broken nose,torn cartlidge in my chest,tried to break my arm,and kicked the front door shut on my hand,of course breaking it.i am 53 and on mental disability aand im afraid so afraid that hes going to do what he said hes gonna do.kill me.he has no remorse and on daily basis tells me to get the f…out but hes all i have in this life and i need helpsomeone should teach him a lesson.like take away his right to have guns thank you for letting me find yall

If you are in danger, or experience physical abuse again please contact 911. It sounds like you are in need of a safe place to stay where he can’t find you. You do not deserve this treatment and he has no reason to hurt you this way. You are very brave to reach out for help, please call our 24 hour Support Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to talk about what your options are and create a safety plan. 

I’m overwhelmed and at a loss and DMV will be my breaking point. I left abusive marriage one year ago I am on assistance and live in my car. Welfare approved food stamps but not cash aid because I own my car .. I have no money! I walked in to store to get my spousal support which is wired – store refused to give to me I was told my license expired. O didn’t any mail or renewal info but my ex keeps changing my mail to his house.
So in last week I started calling and found out yes license is expired. A fix it ticket I got for registration last year and had signed off and went to courthouse where officer asked before I went through metal detector why I was there today, I said turning a fix it ticket which I fixed he told oh u don’t go there see that box outside as long as there is no cash just stick it in there – I did. Somehow now they say they never got I have a triple fee n possible warrant because fix it or not I guess u still have to show in court . My registration will expire next month no way to pay n I have no insurance ex canceled when I left n he knows I don’t have a job so can’t pay – so my home being my car is at risk everyday. If I get pulled over it will be impounded I will go to jail (which scared to death never thought that) n I will get out and have no car no personal affects just me. I’m 50 and I’m to old n not equipped to make it out there. I don’t know where to begin fixing if I even can! Please help I already lost everything I regret leaving.. I don’t want to go back but I don’t see an option. Hell vs hell… It should never be this hard to leave a domestic violent relationship maybe that’s why it took me over 9 years to go!

Help help and what other help can I find

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It sounds like you are going through a very frustrating time. The Victim Compensation Board might be a good option for you. They may be able to assist with your financial needs, as you are a survivor of domestic violence. You were very brave to leave your abuser, despite all of the hardships you have encountered since. To learn more about the Cal VCB program, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

This girl refused to get out of my car after about a hr and a half of yelling at me over and over. I ask her over and over to get out and go in her place but she doesn’t. So I get out and attempt to pick her up out the car so I can leave but she starts grabbing things to hold onto. So I grab her by her waist and pull her out and she cuts her leg and finger. Is that domestic violence on my end

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Without more information, we are unable speculate on your situation. If you would like to talk more about what is going on and ask more questions, please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952

My brother is in a tough relationship he has 10 month old baby with his girlfriend she has an 11 yr old son from someone else. The woman is very unstable. On several occasions she has tried to kill herself and she physically abuses my brother. He feels that the kids are in an unsafe environment but he is worried that if takes both kids out she’ll report him for kidnapping her son. Is this a possibility?

If your brother is escaping domestic violence with the children then he can fill out a Good Cause Notification on the DA’s website. As for her son, has your brother tried calling the police and telling them about the situation? Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to talk more about options for your family. 

My 19 year old daughter lives at home and has a job. She will attend college in August. She has a family that loves her and will keep her safe. Basically safe options to get out of this abusive relationship she is in. She finally admitted to a peer about the abuse but not to me. I’ve talked to her, told her I will do everything to protect her, that there is nothing she could tell me that would make me believe she deserves this treatment. BUT she keeps dating this guy. He has no job, no education, no goals…So there is nothing tying her to him, no excuse. Could she possibly like this treatment? She has never seen abuse at home and has a loving extended family. I can’t hold her hostage or follow her 24/7. I don’t know how to be ok with her accepting this type of treatment. Please advise me what I can do to help her see the light!!!

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It can be very difficult to watch someone you love be abused in their relationship. No one deserves to be abused. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships; unfortunately we cannot make people leave their abusers. That decision is their own. However we can provide resources for them to leave when they are ready. You can give her our 24 hour Support Line number (916-920-2952) and encourage her to contact us at any time if she is needing help or want to talk. 

My Husband threatened to kill me at Christmas and I didn’t report him because he promised he would go to Anger Management-He never did of course. He also threatened to punch my eldest Autistic adult son in the face for using his vapor in the house the day before in front of my younger 2 sons-Can I still press charges?
This is one of many scenarios where he has abused us in the past 7 years

He is a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde-

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m so sorry that your family is experiencing this. It can be very hard to leave someone you care about, but you are very brave to be looking for next steps. WEAVE has a legal department that you can call for some advice. Please contact our support line at 916-920-2952 for more information. 

Hi, i need to know once enrolled in program if its counceling I or more is it absolute that one must come each week? Reason i am asking is i am no longer in relationship today but need help also may need to miss a week gas money is very difficult as i lost my job, 2 in fact which always excelled in my work. Also possible car trouble, cannot pay my rent and not sure of anything at this point. I was fraudulently taken out by my boyfriend now ex who is in prison now but not for my issues i never turned him in. I may need to miss at times so i apologize for the long explaination attached to my question. Thank you

To start counseling with us, you would first need to go our free Walk-In triage. There you will meet with a counselor and talk about what your counseling needs are and what schedule works best for you.  For the hours and locations, please call the Support Line at 916-920-2952.

Can my ex sue me for rent he has had to pay on his new place for the past 3 years. He has a restraining order against him by me and was physically removed from our property and placed under arrest by the local Sheriff Department . The order is effect until 2019. As a result of his violent behavior, I am forced to immediately sell my dream home of 12 years as I cannot afford the mortgage alone. He has placed a lien on the property along with the lawsuit for his rent. The court date is set for September of this year. Please advise.

WEAVE has a legal department that may be able to help. Please call our Support Line 916-920-2952, for more information about our services and to get connected with legal assistance. 

My son’s father used to stalk me and brake into my apartments and beat me up. I was forced to move twice because he kept finding me and we faught so often and he would run before anyone could call the police. There were a lot of damages to the apartments and I was forced to move with not enough money to take everything or the safety to even go back to the apartment being that I lived alone with my 3 year old son. So both times we were forced to move to shelters and start over. I could’ve sworn I was told in court that they would make him pay the fees however I’m not sure if I would need to get a lawyer to take him to court to pay or simply go on my own? He isn’t stable so it would take sometime to find him but I’m trying to remove these things from my credit so I may move on with my life. Doesn’t really seem far that I had to go through all of that and still pay for it too.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It seems like you might need some legal assistance and housing information. It definitely is not fair that you have had to experience this abuse and also pay for it. WEAVE has a legal department, and can also help with housing referrals. For more information, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952

So I was in a relationship for about 8 months, which after the 3rd month he became very violent and abusive. Choking, hitting,slapping,and verbal as well.I even got stabbed once in leg, which he would not let me go to dr. I finally had been hit , stomped, and kicked in the head and body so much one day that I decided to go to ER. My finger was broke, and I had concusion.not to mention all the bruising.they tried to get me to tell them at ER who did it, but I wouldn’t. I was scared to. So to make long story short, I was able to get alot of the bills covered by charity that the hospital offered.but one is now going against my credit but I don’t have money to pay. Not to mention, have the time he wouldn’t let me go to work, he held me hostage in the house. He punched my windshield and it is cracked and only slowly getting worse. And I’m afraid I am going to get a ticket. He broke a 700 dollar new iPhone I had, I had to pay that out of pocket because I was on a device payment plan w verizon. Then I got a galaxy note phone for around the same price and on payment plan and he has hit me with it and had external damage and I don’t know how much longer I will be able to use it, and im screwed. I had to move out of my sisters because she was scared of him. I moved in w friend , I have no money.he has stolen from me so much that it is around about 15,000 dollars. He made my life hell. The law was called out several times by neighbors and friends and they would never do anything because I wouldn’t press charges, or take out papers which is because I was scared to, he threatened me. He pretty much ragged out my car. It was so nice and now almost junk. He showed out at my work.he literally made my life hell, and I stayed upset and in a tizz for months. Lost weight, lost hair, so much because of this guy and he has just moved to another state and has another Gf and basically gets to have a wonderful life, while I am struggling because of him. It messed me up mentally , physically, only a small scar from stab, and a broken finger that still is swollen and kept me from performing my job as a hair stylist to the best of my ability. I was suppose to see a bone doctor and couldn’t afford to go. Being stressed that bad really affected my OCD, now i am having yrouble finding a job because of the ocd.but i guess one of the worst things was, he raped me twice. I would like to see a counclor but im broke and my savings are gone.my savings is gone now.He kicked the door in twice at my friends house that I moved into. Is there any kind of action I can take to make him pay something back? I’m not trying to rip him off or take any money not owed to me, but I feel like I have really been put through the ringer with this guy.and surely there is something I can do to get some of it back.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. I am so sorry that you have experienced so much violence and that it is affecting you financially in many ways. The California Victim Compensation Board might be a good option for you. They may be able to provide some financial assistance and help you get back on your feet. To learn more about this program, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

My husband has hit me during arguments in my head, not closed fisted but hard and has pushed me around. He says he hit me because I pushed him. I think I pushed him back because he was yelling in my face. We have only been married 3 months. 
I left when I was driving my car and he had his 3 little dogs on his lap and I was pulling the car out and stopped abruptly to tell him just to drive and it caused one of his dogs to fall on the floor. When this happened he grabbed my face and said he hated me and wished he could punch me in the face. 
I was so upset I packed and left to my families home.
He has been begging me back for two weeks. Telling me he misses me, needs me , how he loves me and it won’t happen ever again. And tells me I should forgive and come back with only love in my heart.
Should I go back. I love him but was so unhappy. Can things change? We are in our forties.

Sincerely,
Confused

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am sorry that you have experienced abuse by someone you care about and love. You deserve to be treated with respect and although it is normal to have disagreements with the people you love, it is not okay abuse anyone.  Only you can decide if you would like to return to this relationship. However, it is important to consider whether this abuse will continue and if you will be happy in this relationship for the long run. If you would like to discuss you relationship more with us, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

(Edited Due to Length) My ex and I cohabitation together for over 10 years. Over those years he has physically assulted me. Finally, just recently I got enough courage to leave with my son, (not his, I’m a widow) n get help after being beaten, in front I’d my son. He has also threaten to kill me and has destroyed my property with a hammer, cane, etc. So, finally he beat me for the last time. I got my son and 2 dogs n left. Went to hospital, filed an assist report to police. Well, this time since police wont/can’t help, I go get an emergency pfa to have him removed, it was granted, n then 1 week later at court date, I was granted a 90 day pfa. My son n I moved back into home, but only was temporary. Well, now hes back, he manipulated me into believing that we could work this out. Since he still has apt, he has nothing to contribute to mortage, bills, food, anything. C, he had alteriour motives. He’s not he to fix this, but to antagonize me. Once he gained my trust, he turned n stated since I put him out, now I’m gonna c 2hat it feels like. It’s his home, n he don’t have not only leave, but don’t have to contribute. He wants 2 c me homeless, I have no family, since I did it to him. So, when n if mortage does forecloses, n we r forced out, that’s when he will go back to his apt. Ge don’t care he’s put me in debt, n I’m under sever duress, stress, he’s hurt me agaun, pushes me around n threatens me if I don’t do his bidding. He’s very controlling n if I defy him all hell breaks loose. I’m falling apart, almost out of resources, n physically mentally n emotionally being abused n used. I’ve invested alot of money into this home, my son is adhd n autistuc. This is the only home he’s ever known. I’m scared of him n what he will do next. He has a terrible temper, never accepted responsibility for his actions, n justifies abuse, I made him it do, I was warned of consequences if I don’t listen. I can easily afford this home, he cant. He had every opportunity to take back home after 90 days, but didnt, he’s spiteful n wants revenge. but refuses to give it up or help with bills or mortafe, can I have him legally removed? N if so, how n what do I need 2 do. I live in bucks county pa.

I am sorry that you are experiencing emotional, physical, and financial abuse with this person. You and your son deserve to live in a peaceful home free from violence. It seems like you may have some legal questions. WEAVE typically provides services and resources to survivors in Sacramento County. I would suggest that you reach out to some of your local domestic violence agencies to assist you with your situation. A Woman’s Place is in Bucks County, PA and their 24 hour hotline is 800-220-8116. 

My boyfriend, sons father(not biological) his actual father left a year ago & have never had contact since. Anyways (name omitted)’s father who I’m with got arrested two days ago for domestic battery, it got very physical just ugly in general we were fighting. My question is am I aloud to contact him in regards of our baby? I didn’t want charges pressed, but it hhappen because its apparently the law. I live in Illinois. Can I send him a few pictures of his son? Its very hard our son is 2yrs and is looking for him constantly.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your questions are very important as well as your child’s well-being. We typically can only serve clients in the Sacramento County. I would suggest that you reach out to your local domestic violence resources to see if you can get more legal assistance. You can contact the Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence at 877-863-6338. 

My sister is a victim of domestic violence. Her boyfriend beat her up pretty badly and sent her to the hospital. The county is pressing charges against him, but she’s been cooperating to make sure that he isn’t punished. Everything has been so stressful for my family and I feel like my parents and I are reaching our breaking point. I’m not sure what to do. Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It seems like your family really cares about your sister and her well-being. Unfortunately we cannot make the people we love to leave abusive relationships. There are many reasons why people do not leave their abusive partner. Maybe you and your sister would benefit from some counseling to help work out this issue. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to get more information about WEAVE counseling. 

If you where in a violate relationship but he got not guilty in court but few months later he was found guilty of murder but he told me I was next can I have police protection when he gets out of prison

Thank you for contacting us. If you are worried about your safety when he gets out of prison, you could look into getting a restraining order. WEAVE has a legal department that may be able to provide some advice. Please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952 to learn more. 

I just now saw a man make a threatening move towards someone who looked like his girlfriend/wife, but no actual violence occurred. However, I’m concerned from the raised voices that I may have just seen some domestic violence. What should I have done?

Thank you for asking this important question. If you feel someone is in danger, you can call 911 and report the location and description of the people involved. It’s great that you recognized these red flags and want to be prepared for the next time you may witness a domestic violence incident. 


I am bi-sexual and currently in a relationship with a female (I am female). The other day I regretfully pushed her when I got frustrated that she was out of control. She immediately punched me multiple times in the face and left plenty of bruises. We’ve been together 2 years and never laid a hand on each other before. My question is…in most states, legally can we both be arrested for domestic violence? Since I pushed her (it was a push not a shove or anything hard)? I am going to see a councilor tomorrow and I’m kind of worried if she she’s the bruises on my face that one or both of us will get in trouble. Does she legally have to report it?

Because we do not work in law enforcement, it is hard to say if you could both be arrested. Your counselor should be bound by their confidentiality, although there may be exceptions for child abuse, elder abuse, and threat of harm to self or others. It would be important for you to ask your counselor what her mandated reporting covers and what your confidentiality rights are. 

I am a single parent ,live in contra costa county ,My son is bipolar 23 years of age still living at home. He wont take responsibility for getting his own medicine and keep doctor appointments also currently verbally combative and is physically abusive
i have asked him to leave and get physically abusive 

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. It can be so hard to ask someone you love to leave. Because he is an adult, there is no way to make him take his medicine.  Have you considered calling the police when you feel you are in danger? If you would like additional support please call our support and information line: 916-920-2952.

I’m 22 years old. I’ve been with the Man i married 5 years….we’ve both had really rough up bringings and have been through Alot. We both have anxiety and depression.lately….my husband has been lyi to me about stupid crap….but that’s not all. We fight. And when we dominated Alot of yelling. I get super anxious and I stand up for myself but don’t always shut up either…but he gets aggressive…..lately…he started hitting me. I have cuts from his nails on me.bruises.bumps on my head, he pulls my hair, drags me by my hair, throws me, I’ve fallen into tables, he hurts me so much. I don’t understand.but it’s not him.this isn’t the person he is, he has never been this way . I want o help him. I want to work on all of this.he can’t cope with anything.he started a new job.his boss treats him badly. He halls bad depression and anxiety. He smokes Alot of pot to try to cope but I fear it’s not enough to help him but he refuses counseling….I have bruises. All over me. My body hurts like ivw been hit by a car. one time he said he’s sorry. for the first time. he tells me it’s the on thing that I understand which is why he does it (I was abused growing up so I learned to be obedient to abuse)….I’m terrified of this. He’s pushed me intovthw ground and put pillows on my head. I don’t know what it all means.or what’s he’s trying to do. I knowwwwe he dosnt want tovkill me.and I know he loves me…as strange as that sounds.we’ve been best friends for along time.through Alot but always get high it and we have more good times then badmouth whencthe bad happens, it’s really really bad.what do I do???:? I don’t want to just walk away I want to help him too. But can I? What should I do? I’m scared of who he’s turning into but at the same time I know it’s not him. I don’t know what’s going on.but I don’t like it.dosnt he care? Does he feel guilty? does it faze him afterwards? Or is he just numb to hurting me???? During our bad bad fights, hell threaten to hurt me more.I know these are super red flags. but I can’t leave him and I don’t know why. I know insure no don’t want to. But I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to blame myself…..my depression…is coming back.my ptsd is getting worse.I’m scared. But I love him so much. :’(

I’m sorry that the person you love is hurting you. Sometimes leaving can be the hardest thing you have to do. It seems like he does need help, but he is not the victim in this situation. He may have some mental health issues, but he also has control over his actions and decisions. Unfortunately we do not always know the reason that people to abuse their partners, but there is no excuse. You deserve to be treated with respect by the person you love. If you would like to talk more about your relationship and the options you have, please call our Support line 916-920-2952 and speak with an experienced advocate. 


I live with a man that is VERY verbally abusive on a daily basis, he drinks! He scares me and my daughter SO MUCH!! In the past he has tried to choke me and I called the law! They made him leave. We after that got back together because, me being a person that believes people change, let him back in my life and we live together. Now he drinks every day or every other day and is VERY VERY verbally abusive sometimes 8 hours! Now he threatens to burn my home camper car etc. I told him 2 and half months. ago it was over, I have even called local sheriff’s dept, and they said he has the same rights I do to live there when he lied to the officer about paying rent. Has never never paid rent or anything else. My daughter and I live on a check from the passing of husband, that’s how I pay my bills right now till I find a job. Anyway they want make him leave and just the past two nights he wants and said he would burn, destroy everything even if he went to jail! When he gets out he said he would find me and make me pay. But I cannot make him leave and scared EVERY DAY HE COMES HOME!! What can I do to make him leave? Please, Lord someone help me!! Thanks for this website I came across!!

I am sorry you are experiencing this after trying so hard to make this man leave your life. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Have you considered getting a restraining order on him? This might help get him out of your house. Please call our Support line 916-920-2952 for information on our legal assistance and other resources to get you out of this situation. 

i have been physical and mentally abused but when the cops asked me about i lied because person i was with only hurt once a while when i really upset-ed them and we have a child together and didn’t want my child to see their other parent in jail and the person who hurt me told that they love me but now i have saying that they hurt but i’m scared to go to the cops because i lied and they might come after me, i still love them and what to be with them but i don’t know why they always emotionally abuse me. i don’t want to do and i have text massages of them saying that they did it and they did rape me a couple of times but they amended to that

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. Leaving an abusive relationship can be very difficult for some of the reasons you mentioned. Retaliation is something that many survivors worry about, so it would be important to make a safety plan. It’s hard to call the police on someone you care about and love, and it can also be hard to leave them. It sounds like you might be ready to start thinking about what your options are for leaving. If you would like to talk about this with an advocate, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

Hello, I’ve been abused by my boyfriend for almost 5 years. One night recently he lost his temper once again and he hit me this time I called the police, before they came he left. We live in a small apartment with my 2 year old daughter. They still haven’t arrested him its almost been a month the only reason he hasn’t come back is because the cops helped me file a restraining order on him. But my boyfriend was the bread winner he was the one that made enough money to pay the rent. While I work a full time minimum wage job and go to school full time. The problem is I can’t pay this $980 rent a month is there somewhere I can call or some help I just need to pay the rent until my lease is up in 2 months and I can find an apartment that I can afford.

I be a certified dental assistant in 2 months, the lease ends in 2 monthsI just need financial help for rent for just 2 months.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE! It is very brave of you to call the police on your boyfriend and get a restraining order.  There are a few agencies in Sacramento that can help with rental assistance. To learn more information about these programs, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952. 

I have been physically and emotionally abused , been bullied for over 8 years. It’s very difficult talking to anyone about this abuse because it was/ is my wife. Should say soon to be ex wife. Now that we are getting divorced she has run to our kids friends parents, my friends, friends we had as married couple, pretty much anyone that will listen and had told them what a bad husband , person I am. She barely knew people that she has told things about our marriage. She has done this to manipulate the situation and she knows that I would not go out and tell anyone about our marriage. How do I try to get the truth out since she has already told lies about the situation. It is also embarrassing the my wife has bullied me.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE about this. It seems that your wife has isolated you and made it difficult to consult with anyone about your situation. It is understandable that you feel embarrassed along with other negative emotions, and you do not deserve to be treated this way. Have you tried speaking with a counselor for advice? WEAVE offers specialized counseling to survivors. To learn more about this program, please contact our Support Line at 916-920-2952
I have married 19 years to someone who has a history of Bi-polar disorder, and who drinks almost every day. When he drinks he gets very abusive verbally and emotionally. He caused me to PTSD which I have been treated for with professional help. My son from a previous marriage has suffered greatly too since he was 12. He is now 31 and suffering from OCD and depression. So I had him come back to our home to help get him treatment for it. Husband is very angry to have him home..and said he wanted him out. Recently, when I asked my husband for some emotional help with my son, who was having a very bad espisode of depression and OCD both…He got up nose to nose with my son and just stood there trying to provoke my son to hit him…knowing he would be arrested if he did lose it and strike him. I am 67 years old and only have social security to live on…How can I get a decent settlement to get away from this damaging man? He holds all the money here and uses it as weapon to hold over our heads. I’m so afraid I will out on the street with my mentally suffering son with no resources left to keep him therapy. Please help me. I’m very upset and frightened about our future Thank you for contacting WEAVE about your situation. There is no excuse for your husband to abuse you and your son this way. It seems like you have both been affected over the years and need some help with your healing process. WEAVE has a counseling department as well as a safe shelter. We can give you this information and other resources on our Support Line. 916-920-2952

I have been in a relationship with my husband to be an we have a son together who is 5 yrs my problem is that he is very abusive towards me which make me to be afraid of him i cant even talk about him coz always he is angry so that one dae another guy approach me an he tell me everything i needed to hear is i started to cheat an i forget how my hsband to be used to treat me he found out that i was cheating an he almost kill me an said if i leave him he will kill me an my family an i believe coz he is dangerous so this year i came back home coz i was wanted to study he buy me an engagement ring i knew that he jst want to put it on my finger so that guys wont approach me when he left for job in other country and he always tell me why dnt u put me on your whatsaap pp i did that an this month i ask him put me on your whatsaap an he refused an i suspect he is cheating coz he told me i should leave other women husband coz he said am cheating which is nit true an i told him to stop calling me am worried coz he promise to kill me please help me

Thank you for contacting WEAVE. If you ever feel that your life is in danger, please call 911. I’m sorry that you are experiencing this in your relationship. No one deserves to be abused. If you feel you may be needing a safe place to stay or other resources, please call our Support Line at 916-920-2952.

So me and my daughters father live together and have been for about 2 years. He has always made me feel as if my opinions on everything are wrong because his are right. He has since our daughter was 6 months old, she is now 13 months old, kicked me very hard a few times over and over to get me off the couch or off our bed, he has smashed my 32 inch smart tv, threw a bottle at me missing me and hitting my son’s picture and breaking it’s glass everywhere, he had pushed me in our daughters room trying to keep me from leaving and when he pushed me my first reaction was to grab onto something which was the neck of his shirt or I would’ve hit a dresser really hard hitting my back and possibly hurting something, he has thrown my end table at me twice, the first time it didn’t break but a week later when he threw it at me it broke, this last time he charged at me and put on hand around my throat for about 10 seconds or so. So, hard that I couldn’t breathe and I lost my voice 2 days later and I had no marks or bruising, just soreness where he had put his hand. Everything that he has done, he has done either holding our daughter or with her standing right next to me. All holding her except for the second time he threw my end table at me, kicking me out of the bed and when he pushed me in her room. The other incidents he was holding her. He was holding her when he charged at me and put his right hand around my throat and we were both standing up. I did press charges on him. We have court this week. He got a lawyer. I just have the courts attorney I guess. I’ve never had to do this so I’m kinda lost. We still live together but I have a protection order so that if he hits me before court he will go to jail till the court date. But, he seems to think that he didn’t do anything wrong and that he’s not going to jail or anything. He has always made everything my fault. If I don’t let him use my vehicle it’s not right, or if my opinion on things like having other unknown females in my vehicle, he doesn’t see that as disrespectful. When he’s hit or thrown things at me he tells me it was my fault and that I should’ve just shut up. I’m not aloud to speak my feelings at all about anything. He’s always saying that everything I get upset about is stupid and that his friends think so too. I’m always wrong. My question is because I don’t have a job and family to help me get away. Is should I be afraid of saying these things in court? Will I get justice? For the sake of mine and my daughters lives? Should I feel scared that the courts won’t do anything and he will win? Also he is a good speaker and can make anyone believe everything he says. Thank you in advance. I just need someone to tell me to not be afraid and have faith in myself to be strong enough to say what needs to be said to get justice.

Thank you for contacting WEAVE with your questions and concerns. You are so brave to leave your abuser and find a better life for yourself and your baby. It can be so hard to leave for many reasons and I am sorry that you are going through this situation. It seems like you have some legal questions and need some advice. If you contact us on our 24 hour support line 916-920-2952, we can help you get connected with our legal department.
Do any of the people that you help go back to their partner but after both the partner and the victim got counseling. Thank you for asking this important question. We cannot give information about our clients in any of our programs. However, sometimes it can take multiple tries to leave an abuser, and counseling for both partners might be a resource that clients can reach out for. If you are interested in learning more about our counseling program or have more questions, please call our 24 hour support line at 916-9290-2952.
My ex-husband was a batterer and he has sex with my body while i was suffering concussion. Is this behavior common among batterers or rare? Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE with your question. Every relationship is different, some abusive relationships have the additional component of sexual assault and others do not. I am sorry that you experienced this from your ex-husband without consent. If you would like to further discuss your questions or experience, you can call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak anonymously with an advocate.
I WAS ABUSED MENTALLY AND PHYICALLY BY MY NOW EX HUSBAND. HE ALMOST KILLED ME I AM CRIPLED NOW HE BEAT MY HEAD OVER AND OVER WHEN I TOLD HIM I HAD ENOUGH HE WANTED MONEY I FINALLY SAID HE COULD HAVE IT BUT I WAS GETTING A DIVORCE! !!! I am BLIND FROM HIM BEATING MY HEAD OVER ANF OVER THAT NIGHT WITH MY DAUGHTER AT THE TIME STILL SLEEPING IN A CRIB!!!!!!!HVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE FOR YEARS I HAD TO HAVE BRAIN SURGEY . THERE IS TO MUCH FOR ME TO TELL ALL THE EVIL THAT HAS CAME SENCE HE TOOK MY DAUGHTER WHO HE ALSO ABUSED AND HOW CPS DAID ” BECAUSE HE HAS A LAWYER AND YOU DONT ” I CALLED A HOTLINE FOR HELP CPS DID NOT HELP MY DAUGHTER AND I AT ALL !!!!!!! I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO. SEE OR TALK TO HER MY FAMILY HELPED MY EX TAKE HER “THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD GET HER AND MONEY!!!!! ” I HAVE NO ONE Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I’m glad that you were able to escape his physical abuse and get a divorce, that is not easy to do. Please call our Support and Information line 916-920-2952, so we can see how to help you and your daughter. You are not alone and we are here to help.

Q: I had a domestic abuse charge out on my boyfriend last summer after he drug me out of bed at 7 am and yanked me down the gravel road as he told my best friend on the phone that “he couldn’t get rid of me. He had to hurt me enough to.make me go away.”I have been with him since and have gotten into many physical encounter since where I have been physical as well as him. I am 9.months pregnant with our child now and just recently found out he ran over and killed my dog 5 days ago and has been hiding it from me. Telling me that someone picked her up and nothing we can do about it and I have reason to believe he shot and killed my cat as well 4 months ago. I believe he is a perpetual liar and has an extreme obsession with guns and bullets. He isn’t allowed to have them and tried to get me to buy one for him even. It’s really hard to know what to do at this point. Does he need help? I can’t pay bills while I have to be on leave for 12 weeks and feel like I am lost right now.

Hello and thank you for contacting WEAVE. You seem to be concerned for your safety and the safety of your family. Your boyfriend may need help, but it is also important that you are able to keep yourself safe. Please contact our Support and Information line (916)920-2952, and they can talk you through what options you may have.
Q: My ex husband moved in with the woman he was cheating with after the divorce. Every other weekend he would get the kids and sometimes he would call me to pick up the kids early cause they were fighting. This last time it was bad enough that the neighbors called the police and he was taken to jail. His girlfriend called me to pick up the kids. The kids said they were really scared and the girl friend said she was so scared that she thought he was going to hit her. She kicked him out and called it quits. Since then he calls to see the kids for about an hour. Our kid were adopted and he told me he didn’t want kids, he only signed the papers cause I wanted kids. When he was with her he pretended he really cared. After they separated he stopped taking them for the weekend and only calls every 3 days,when it was twice a day every day. When he was with me he never helped me at all with the kids. He always said, you wanted them you take care of them. I think they are getting back together and I don’t want my kids back in that situation. Can I do something with the domestic violence to keep the kids from him/them? Even though he has joint custody in the state of Arizona. Any ideas? Hello and thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. I am sorry you and your kids are going through this. Have you considered getting a restraining order on your ex? You may be able to put the children on that too. You could also try to file for full custody as well. WEAVE has a 24 hour support and information line (916) 920-2952. You can call that number and speak with an advocate about what your options are. If you are in Sacramento County, we also have a legal department that might be able to give you some advice.

Q: My brother has been in and out of jail for a LONG time, recently, he had a breakdown at his girlfriends moms ( where they live) and threw a pot through the window. In the lot where they live, a man has some stuff to do with drugs and the police have issued a no-contact between my brother and his girlfriend because of the man that shares the lot with them. They both love each other and I really want to help my brother be happy, please send advice.

 

 

Hello and thank you for contacting us. It seems like your brother might be going through a hard time and it’s wonderful that you are reaching out to support him. Has he considered counseling?  It might help him work with his relationship issues and his breakdowns. If you would like some referrals for him please contact us at our 24 hour Support and Information line (916) 920-2952, so that we can better assess what his situation is and what would be most helpful for both of you.  

If an adult child assaults their mother does this fall under domestic violence

Any type of abuse within the family falls under the umbrella definition of domestic violence. Depending on the age of the parent, in this situation, it might also be considered elder abuse if the victim is an elder.  If you would like additional support please call our support and information line: 916-920-2952. 
I’m a single mom I’m currently living with my boyfriend. I have tried to get away from my boyfriend but when I said that I was going to call the police because he was scaring me and threatening me, he took my phone away and tried to close the door on me. I had a big bruise on the side of my head. I got away from him and was living with someone from the church temporarily and somehow he tracked me down. He would show up at my school unannounced and scare me and corner me and he told me “he just wanted to say hello” so I would lock myself in the car. I went shopping at a grocery store I had never been at with my son and as I was walking out to the parking lot and he came up out of nowhere and scared me and then said he just wanted to talk to me and he was sorry but he tells me that all the time. I think that I’m going to need some help to get away from him. I’m desperately trying to find a place and some help to get on my feet and get away from him. I have no family here because all my family is in overseas. My closest friend lives down south and is struggling herself. I just want to keep my son safe and get out of this situation. I’m so scared I don’t know what to do. Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I hear you recognizing the need to keep you and your son safe and that you’re threatened by your boyfriend showing up unannounced and stalking you. Your concerns are valid. You can call our Support line for more information and to get more resources about our services (including counseling, case management, and Safe House options). That number is 916-920-2952.  If you feel you’re in imminent danger, call 911.

I’ve had several ofp against ex abuser yrs ago and have moved alot because he finds us..20 yrs later he is working across street and attempting to enter bldg..I was upset to remember that he had Order For Protection (OFP)records SEALED that basically means HIDDEN as if yrs of horrible life threatening abuse didn’t ever happen..Does law enforcement have access or power to have those records UNSEALED and REVEALED somehow..? What should I do..? He is a HUGE threat to me and my son..! I have paper copies of ofps and dr n police reports etc..THANK GOD..I am hoping to meet with local police to allow all records I have to be reviewed so that they know I am telling the truth and not crazy..! His past record being sealed has allowed him to get away with abusing other women too..I feel like a sitting duck..please give me the best advice in this situation as to what I need to do in list of priority..Thank you..I AM A SURVIVOR OF THE MOST GRAPHIC N LIFE THREATENING ASSAULTS AND EXTREME LIFE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST ME AND MY CHILD THAT THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN..I NEED THE POLICE TO SEE HIS PAST DV REVORD AS HE IS AN IMMINENT THREAT AND GOD FORBID HE GETS AWAY WITH IT..God bless and protect us all..! .signed..SOS

Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger. If you can, call your local DV org – if in Sacramento, our support line is 916-902-2952 – to discuss options and create safety plans.  We have a legal department that may be able to help you further: (916) 319-4944.  It sounds like you’ve kept excellent records including all of the OFP’s. You might consider taking all of your documentation to law enforcement with the latest information/sightings of your ex. If you don’t already have a safety plan in place with your son, please consider creating one with him and/or consulting with an Advocate and/or law enforcement to come up with plans for his safety as well.

I’m afraid to stay in my home with my daughter who is always fighting with her boyfriend. The law says I can’t put them out so where can I go with my 14 year old? I fear for my own safety. Please help. Thank you.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m very sorry to hear that you and your daughter are in an unsafe situation. You may reach out to our support line for more advice. If you are in danger, please call your local law enforcement to explore options and call 911 if you’re in imminent danger. WEAVE offers counseling services, if you’re interested. Also, if your daughter is also scared, please let her know she may contact us too.
Last night I experience another episode of physical and verbal abuse from my boyfriend. He took my phone so I’m using a laptop. I have a four year old son and need help to get out of this situation. You and your son’s safety is of utmost concern. Please, if you are in imminent danger, call 911 or go to the nearest place where you can call 911. When you are able to access a phone, you may call our support and information line: 916-920-2952. WEAVE offers counseling, case management, and we have a Safe House (screening required). If you have a safe place to go to, please carefully consider what important documents you may need and the best way for you to collect necessary items (for you and your son) for your departure. I’m glad you found a way to connect to us and hope we can be of further assistance when you’re able to connect.

Asking for my daughter. She is married with two small children. Is belittling someone and treating them like badly considered abuse? Her husband is a control freak. He will not give her money to go to the grocery store. He stops on his way home and buys what he wants. Yells at her calling her disgusting names. She receives Social Security Disability and so husband says he will get custody. She contributes all she can paying $500 of $1200 mortgage, her own car and insurance and all medical co-pays for kids. For the last year he has been getting testosterone shots saying his “t” count is low. These shots are only making him more angry and verbally abusive. Tells her she “has” to do her wifely duties. Sleeps on couch when home. She wants out but I do not have a place for her to go to. Is verbal abuse considered Domestic Violence or should she just as he puts it – “suck it up” and quit acting like a “sensitive Cindy” –I look forward to your response. Not sure if this is domestic violence or not. She does not have money to get her own place. I’m torn with what to do. Don’t think she needs a shelter but — the verbal abuse seems to be bringing her to an all time low.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. It is very difficult to witness a loved in a violent relationship. Financial abuse, Verbal abuse, and intimidation are all abusive behaviors that can occur in domestic violence. If your daughter is seeking support please have her contact our support and information line directly:916-920-2952. Our support line advocates can provide her with support and referrals. WEAVE offers counseling, case management, legal services, and safehouse referrals and/or housing.
I am a domestic violence survivor, I uprooted my self and resettled in a new city to avoid accidental encounters with my violent ex. Several years have passed quite quietly, but now I’m scared, Today my facebook account told me that I am required to change the name on the account to my legal given name. If I do that I’m terrified he will be able to find me again and I don’t want to live in fear. The only solution I can see is to cut myself off from social media, but I shouldn’t have to to protect my safety. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle facebook?

I understand your concern and hope that the information below will be of some help.Victims of violence do have options in regards to using their real names on Facebook. See the link to the National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Guide for Facebook for survivors of abuse as a starting point. NNEDV may also have other resources for advocating with Facebook.

My niece is in another state (edited for confidentiality). I am worried about her. It is such a long story but she is in danger of her on again off again husband. Is there a place in Michigan like Weave that you know of? She is living with her dad right now but I am just so worried for her. Her xhusband is mental-abusive and she just told me she think he tried to poison her. But she won’t go to the police? Any help you can give me? Thank you!

I’m very sorry to hear about your niece’s situation. It is so difficult to see someone dear to us suffer in a DV relationship. She may not be ready to go to the police – this is normal. You can support her by recognizing the situation she is in and offering support (your support, and referrals).  If she’s interested in counseling, her local DV organization will likely offer free counseling. I wish her all the best and thank you for reaching out in support of her.
Here are a couple of resources:
A domestic violence organization in Michigan: http://www.domesticviolence.org/
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/ 1-800-799-7233

Are there any affiliates located in Placer County? I reside there and am in need of services.

Yes, Stand Up Placer is located in Placer County:
http://www.standupplacer.org/
CRISIS LINE: 800.575.5352

this question isn’t for my well being but for a family member of mine. He is married to a woman who has threatened to kill herself because he went on a road trip without her. She has sent threatening messages to my mom. That add up to paragraphs about there “true love” and how my mom cant ever take that away. This lady even has a child that is ten-ish stuck in the mix. He feels this is all his fault he said he wont ever leave because he couldn’t handle the guilt on his shoulders if she did kill herself. Im just a kid and my mom told me not to contact you but he was my favorite person and now im not allowed to see him. I just want him to be happy again can you help?

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It is a very challenging situation and as much as your mom doesn’t want you to get involved (ie, reach out to us), since you are a kid, I hear your concern and desire to seek help. WEAVE offers many different types of services not only to victims of domestic and/or sexual violence but also to their family members, as the impact is great for the entire family. If you, your mother, or your father are interested, our support line number is 916-920-2952 and/or we have Counseling Triage on Tuesday or Thursday 12-2pm or Wednesday 5-7pm at our midtown office. I wish you all the best.

What about the other side? I was accused first one week of stalking with violence, wife of 30 years having an affair admitted didn’t stalk, no violence, wasn’t afraid, didn’t tell me not to call or visit. Case dismissed $3000. Then filed domestic violence next week, same issues. Case dismissed $2500. Her net worth is substantial and i lost 35K in business documented. Are there any torts I can file? Malicious prosecution, libel, defamation, filing false allegations, civil harassment? She knew they were false , maliciously used the legal process and filed to harm me. I lost $5500 in legal and 35K in business. What rights do I have? We still haven’t filed for divorce. (out of state). Hello, unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice. You may want to reach out to your local resources. You may reach out to the national DV hotline for resources in your area: 1-800-799-7233. 

What if I can’t call or get away?only able to access the phone quickly and quietly help

Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger and need immediate help. When/if you are able to, you may also call our support & information line: 916-920-2952.

My husband is back on meth and is becoming more violent by the day. He almost ran me over yesterday. I have one baby in the nicu and 6 other babies 15-2 and he has been to jail for hitting me before but I dropped the charges and I cannot take it anymore. How do I leave? He told me he would kill me and all my family. He is also has schizoeffective disorder and is medicated but refuses to get help for his mania? I don’t have any family who can house or help me and I am a student and disabled. How can I leave? My mom owns a house in another state and I can go there if I can get there.

Please call 911 when you are in imminent danger. Also, you may call our Support and Information line any time of day: 916-920-2952. Our Advocates can provide more information about your options and help you safety plan leaving your current situation. We have a safe house in Sacramento or we can offer your referrals in or outside of Sacramento. You might want to speak with one of our Advocates about Victim Compensation – since you’ve already filed a report, you can apply for this service. You and your children’s safety is of utmost concern. It takes courage to reach out for help, thank you for contacting WEAVE.

I was assaulted by my 2 yr olds Dad. It’s been 2 months since I left him and he wants to talk to our daughter. I don’t know if I should allow that. He was a good father to my daughter.

I hear your concern regarding allowing your ex to contact your daughter. You and your daughter’s safety is of utmost concern. If you would like, you may speak with one of our Support Line Advocates to discuss a safety plan and learn more about options available to you and your daughter (916) 920-2952.  Please call 911 if you are in imminent danger. I’m very sorry to hear that you have been assaulted – if you’re interested, we do offer counseling as well as legal services. You and your daughter deserve to feel safe. I wish you the best as you navigate these next steps and your own healing.

Hello. My brother, in his late twenties, is living with my Mom, in her early 60s. He has issues with rage, paranoia, stealing and verbal abuse when he doesn’t get what he wants.If she doesn’t give him what he wants, when he demands it (rides, TONS of money, things, etc), he screams at her until she runs away or gives in, threatens to beat her up or comments on past abuse, and he has destroyed her self-esteem. He threatens suicide. I am afraid the next phone call I will get is from the police, saying he beat her to death. She won’t tell anyone what he’s doing or get help for herself, please help me help her.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. What you are describing is elder abuse. I’m very sorry to hear what your mother is going through and it sounds like you want to help her in the best way possible.  You may call our support line (916-920-2952) any time of day to seek support. If you are in Sacramento, we offer counseling and other case management services. Also, here are a couple DV shelter referrals: http://acommunityforpeace.org/ or www.standupplacer.org 

Hello, me and my girlfriend have been fighting for a few months and she attacked me multiple times. My question: I originally filed order of protection 6 months ago and she filed one on me last week but she never answered the door to be served. Things were great for a while, I moved back in but we got in an argument and the police arrived…… I called the city of _____ and asked about the restraining order and there’s nothing registered. I want her out of my apartment. We are not getting back together. I’m moving back to ______ but for now sleep on friends couches and live on the streets. Any legal advice would be great, let me know thanks.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. Unfortunately, I’m limited in what I can advise as we are unable to provide legal advice. I encourage you may reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 to be connected to your local resources for further support legal and otherwise.  I wish you the best as you move forward. 

Hello, me and my girlfriend have been fighting for a few months and she attacked me multiple times. My question: I originally filed order of protection 6 months ago and she filed one on me last week but she never answered the door to be served. Things were great for a while, I moved back in but we got in an argument and the police arrived…… I called the city of _____ and asked about the restraining order and there’s nothing registered. I want her out of my apartment. I’m moving back to ______ but for now sleep on friends couches and live on the streets. Any legal advice would be great, let me know thanks.

 

Is isolation, verbal and emotional torment considered domestic violence? Is family trauma and sexual violence due to childhood trafficking considered domestic violence if I am still harassed by family after 20 years of no contact policy in place? I am not unique, is there a safe place for someone like me to start over with my new name, social and sealed records? My police reports are related to stalking and family violence. The stalking has subsided and I am planning to leave an emotionally tormenting partner of many years. Are there services for me? Shelter? I remain hopeful for a better life by breaking this violent cycle I have been in my entire life. I am a strong courageous woman and can help others, too.

Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. Yes, isolation, verbal and emotional torment can fall under domestic violence. We can also connect you with services available for survivors of trafficking. Please call our support and information line to find out if our Safe House would be a good fit for you: 916-920-2952. I deeply respect your courage and believe that you are incredibly strong.

My sister physically assaulted me in front of her 2 kids at my parents house. I called the police and filed a report. I am worried she is going to hurt her kids. How can I report it without her knowing its me? I am very traumatized . My father did nothing to protect me. Are there laws to protect me.  Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. You may call our support and information line for more information about reporting: 916-920-2952. Additionally, if you’re interested in counseling services for the trauma you’ve experienced, you may attend our walk-in counseling triage on Tue: 12-2p, Wed: 5-7p, or Thur: 12-2p. 
My still legal husband has 4 of my 5 children..about three years ago I decided to finally try and end my marriage so both me but mainly my kids could have a better life..he drank and smoked weed all the time he was stay at home dad while I was missing my kids because I worked all the time and would stay in motel because I was just to tired to drive home..gone for days but when home I had money and we would go have fun although he would talk to me and accuse me every time I came home and say mean things when I wasn’t doing anything wrong at that time..I had cheated before this because I just wanted a better life ..my kids man, that’s all I was trying to make better and I know for sure now That I did wrong but anyways 2012 I chose to leave and stay with people to not go home because he made me not good… the fighting everything.. I thought best kids there with him because he home and me just figure it out but pay bills I was paying two rents two sets of bills. really I did lie to him because if I told him the truth I was leaving he would not let me see my kids he then took my kids jan 2 to diff town and I didn’t find them until October of that year. he has done so much damage on top of me leaving and hurting my kids that my two oldest are very not on and shutdown esp from me. he threatens me with cops he makes me sound so bad just because i love my kids and want to be a mom he hold all my bad and makes some up. all I want is my kids and I to be mom and friend and child Finally almost 3 years later im finally strong enough to start making it stop and taking control of my life but he is soooo mean keeps my kids away I can’t really handle more hurt and I need it to stop I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It seems like you have tried to make a better life for yourself and your kids. Thank you for reaching out to us for help. If you are interested in counseling for yourself and your children, please call our support and information line (916)920-2952. We also offer legal services and safe shelter for survivors. It takes courage to ask for support. Please remember you are not alone. 

I am in a violent relationship and my children go to the same school as my partner’s children. Can you help me find a safe place to live?

Thank you for contacting us. WEAVE does offer a confidential safehouse program. The first step would be to call our support and information line and speak to an advocate about your options, and what would be a good fit for yourself and your child. The number to call is 916-920-2952.
My husband is physically abusive toward me and our son. If I call the police, will I be able to get a restraining order for myself and my son? Thank you for reaching out for information on how to keep you and your child safe. Please call our support and information line for more information about our legal services. The number to call is 916-920-2952.
Can my verbally and physically abusive husband claim the child’s custody when braking Thank you for reaching out to WEAVE. We have a child custody workshop on the first Wednesday of the month,  from 5:30pm-7:30pm at our Business Office. For more information about our legal services, please call our support line ( 916) 920-2952.
My husband verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually abused me during the course of our marriage, I brought him over to the US on a Visa. As soon as I mentioned divorce the violence increased physically and then he went out and got citizenship. I tried to call 911 but he grabbed the phone and disconnected it before the call went through. I never documented the bruises but a doctor saw it but did not report it. I went into counseling and was getting stronger to get out of the relationship when one day, out of character for me I fought back after an abusive episode. He had me arrested but the DA did not prosecute. My husband is an alcoholic and had about 30-40 oz of alcohol that day. I filed for divorce and my lawyer is telling me I should not file DV against him or get a restraining order. I do not understand why, they said the incidents have to be fresh in order for it to stick. I think he is mentally ill, he has wild mood swings, is very controlling, people have told me he sounds like the guy from ’sleeping with the enemy’, I never saw the movie. I got to the point I was stuttering and afraid to move when I was in his presence. He said there was something wrong with me that I could not focus 100% on him, which meant to turn off the TV when he walked into a room. If I took my eyes off him he would call me a selfish bitxh. Sexually abuse was he would do things to me to humiliate me. He would shame me on Facebook and put me down in front of friends. There are other incidents of violence but he always threatened me with divorce and that he would take everything. Now I don’t know what to do, I cannot believe he is going to get away with all the abuse, can I sue him in civil court for pain and suffering, cost of medical expenses, loss of work and counseling services? I have male lawyers and they keep telling me not to file charges against him. My understanding is the statue of limitations on DV is 3 years for a felony. I need a DV specialist to tell me what I should do. He is just going to do this all over again to someone else after I divorce him. Hello, and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support. I’m sorry that he has been getting away with abusing you after everything you have tried to get out of the relationship. You can definitely access our legal services through our Support and Information line (916) 920-2952. You may also qualify for the California Victim Compensation program that can help with counseling, relocation, and other expenses. For assistance with applying for Cal VCP call (916) 874-5701. Thank you for your courage to ask for help. Please remember you are not alone. 
My sons girlfriend is very violent we get into a lot of argument. She hit me in the head with a wooden chair and I called the cops but they did nothing. Is this or not consider domestic violence and should she have gone to jail What you are experiencing is considered domestic violence. Filing for a Restraining Order might be a good option for you. WEAVE can offer you legal support and counseling. You can access these services though our Support and Information Line (916) 920-2952.
Can WEAVE help me file child custody papers giving CA jurisdiction? I have a child born out of wedlock. If you are a Sacramento County resident, please call our Legal Line at (916) 319-4944 and leave a safe number where we can reach you.  We don’t have enough information at this point to be able to guide you with possible next steps. 
I left my daughters dad he is an physically abusive boyfriend and I am interested in going to a safe house but I’m scared to be alone and I have a job my daughter is only one years old I have no transportation and have no idea who would watch her I’m staying at a friends right now but being here doesn’t help me I want to be all the way away from her dad and get my life together for the sake of my child. What is a safe house like? Is it kind of a big step ? Thank you for reaching out and wanting information on how to keep you and your child safe. WEAVE does offer a confidential safehouse program. The first step would be to call our support and information line and speak to an advocate about your options, and what would be a good fit for yourself and your child. The number to call is 916-920-2952.

I have escaped an abusive relationship. I was married for 18 years. My husband continually assaulted me, rape. When I told people, mainly my Mormon bishop, my husband tried to take the children away from me. The Mormon bishops know everything, even my children have spoken to them, they refused to do anything, saying it was a legal matter for the courts, even though my children told them what was going on.

Please help me get my kids away from this man. They will not talk to me in fear of retaliation. My parents are residents here in CA. My children are in another state. Where can I turn?

Hello, and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for help. If you are a resident of Sacramento County, please call our legal line at 916-319-4944 for consultation on what your options are. You can also call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 for other resources and referrals.

I AM THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARDED SOLE CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN FOR FC 3044. I HAVE TWO OVERLAPPING CLAIMS APPROVED BY CALVCP AND A CIVIL TORT IIED FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ASSAULT. THERE IS NO DEFENSE TO THE ACTION. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE TRIER OF FACT TO DETERMINE. FILED IN PRO PER BUT PARTS KEEP GETTING REJECTED. NEED HELP ON CONTINGENCY.

If you are a resident of Sacramento County, please call (916) 319-4944to reach the Legal Department for a consult. 

 

If you reside in another county, please call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 to find out resources in your county.

Are there any support groups for former victims of domestic violence in the Sacramento area? Hello, and thank you for reaching out to Weave for information regarding groups. WEAVE offers a Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence Group. To get started, first you will need to attend a WEAVE Services Orientation which is held on Tuesday’s @ 11:30am, and Thursday’s @ 5:30pm. The groups are held at 1900 K Street, Sacramento CA, 95811. If you need additional information please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
Hi my name is Lisa I am currently pregnant and my husband is in jail I am staying in a hotel and I am having a hard time paying my rent Hello, and thank you for reaching out for assistance. I have two options for rental assistance programs: The Greater Sacramento Urban League Rental Assistance Program, 916-286-8607 and The Salvation Army, 916-678-4010. If you need further assistance or other referrals please call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You & Good Luck!
The DA put a protective order agains my husband for domestic battery, what can we do to remove it? Our lives have been turned upside down because of this! On the night of the event, my 11year old son called police and told them that dad had slapped me on the face, when talking to police I admitted to my husband slapping me but I said I did not wish to press charges. My husband was still arrested. At court, the DA said that they had spoken to me and I told them that my husband had hit me aggressively, which is a lie, I never spoke to the DA. DA said I did not wish my husband to be released from jail, since he was they issued a protective order against him for 3 years. I NEVER SPOKE TO THE DA. I want my husband back, what can we do? Have you tried talking to the DA to see what your options are? You can call our Information and Support Line and an advocate can provide you with legal referrals that may help you and provide you with the information you need. Good Luck!
My boyfriend bullied me and scared me into adding his name to the title on a property that I bought and paid for with $100% of my money(I have documented proof) He contributed nothing with a promissory note to riemburse me for half the value. He’s been physically violent on at least 4 occasions and finally left my home. He agreed to sign the quitclaim form but backed out. What can I do so that I’m he’s longer legally tied to my property? I need assistance, please. I feel absolutely helpless and cannot afford an attorney. Niki “Please consult an attorney as the scenario you describe may fall across various legal topics and remedies.  If you live in Sacramento County, you can call us at (916) 920-2952 and ask to be connected to our Legal Department.”
So .. My husband and I were out at a festival .. short story is .. I got pretty intoxicated and was being a little difficult in general .. we were arguing walking to leave a friends to go get a bus home and I was pulling on his back pack and I tripped and fell ( I never let go of the bag ) so he fell with me and fell ontop on me … people came running and one guy punched my husband in the side of his head by his ear … they accused him of beating me .. they had the nerve to say he full out “smashed me in the face and knocked me out , then grabbed me by the throat and picked me up … they then chased him so he left 3 on 1 was not fair … I was drunk and I knew one of the people he then called my cousin for some reason then someone called an ambulance and said that stuff so then I get taken to hospital for no reason I had two little scratches on back of my head from falling .. no pictures were taken they even released me to go back home ( where my husband would be) ..while I was in the hospital I guess police called my husband asking him to turn himself in and what not he willingly went in .. told his story of how we both fell and I was grabbing the bag and what not .. they then released him with a condition of no drinking no contact with me and stuff like that … it has been rough .. he is innocent I even went in the next day to make a video statement to show the detective I had no marks on me at all .. im hoping this case just gets dropped .. is that possible due to lack of evidence its really just two witnesses saying they saw this happen and they were on a balcony wasn’t even on ground level … there is no physical evidence no pics no marks we have same statements … I am not the one who is charging him this is not fair to me and my husband to have to be apart for my drunkenness … plus they have now charged the guy who hit my husband but they said in first place he cant be charged because he is a witness .. .. some things just don’t make sense .. I just want this to be over with … is there any chance this will be dropped?
Thank you for contacting WEAVE. We’re unable to identify which county this incident occurred in. Please contact the DA’s office and speak to the victim advocate in that county. They may be able to advocate for you based on your input to them. 
Good luck!
 

I’m needing help bad my ex raped me multiply times then took my kids but he lives in another state he has been looked at for child rape and raped his little brother how do I get my kids from him???

Hello and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for help. I am sorry to hear that this is going on and that this happened to you. First of all I want to remind you that it is not your fault. You have the option of going to the nearest law enforcement station or calling law enforcement to file a police report for rape and for taking your children, especially if you have legal custody of the children. We also, have a case manager who may provide accompaniment and advocacy during this tough time, if needed. Additionally, we offer 8 free sessions of sexual assault counseling to help you heal. Please call the Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952, so we can get additional information regarding the specifics of the situation and the resources available to help you within your immediate area. Thank you! 

My husband hits me and my kids, but I have no proof and I’m scared he might kill me. Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave for assistance. I’m sorry to hear that you and your children are going through this. It sounds like your situation is pretty scary, and if you need a safe place to go with your children you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate can provide you with referrals and resources for safe housing. If you feel that you or your children’s life is in danger, you do have the choice to call law enforcement. Thank you for reaching out.
My ex boyfriend is highly abusive toward me. He has threatened my life, and he has made terrible comments in front of our six year old. Because he is wealthy, he brags about burying me in court until I run out of funds. I don’t know what to do. Hello, and thank you for reaching out to Weave for assistance. There are a few options for you to consider; you could file for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). The Family Courthouse has a free workshop on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12noon located at 3341 Power Inn Road. Weave also facilitates a workshop for child custody or child support on the 1st Wednesday of each month. If you need additional resources or referrals you can always call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
My husband is physically, and verbally abusive towards me. He said he would not help me with my immigration status he said he would make immigration offices send me back to my country. Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave for assistance. I have found two resources that may be able to assist you: US Citizenship and Immigration Services (800)375-5283, and California Department of Social Services Refugee Programs Bureau (916) 654-4356. If you need additional resources or referrals please call our 24/7 support & information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
I’m being STALKED by a past lover.She works for gov. Me and my son have been on the run for two years.She has found us again.My house, car and truck have been broke. Hello and thank you for taking the time to connect with Weave. I’m sorry you an d your son are going through this. One option you can try, is filing for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). I’m not sure what city of county you are in but, the Sacramento Family Courthouse offers a free TRO workshop on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am to around Noon. The workshop is located at 3341 Power Inn Road. If you need additional resources or information please call our 24/7 support & information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
I’m being stalked .I’m a single dad of one.I just moved here because of the stalker but they found me again.Can you please help me and my son Hi, and thank you for your question of concern. I’m sorry that your experiencing this with your young child. You do have a couple of options, you could file for a TRO (temporary restraining order) at the Family Courthouse located at 3341 Power Inn Road. They offer a free workshop in their self-help computer room on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. Weave also has a Confidential Safehouse Program that is available to women & men. If this is something you are interested in, or you need additional referrals or resources, please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
living in a verbally abusive household I am also in return retrieving and giving the reviews back and he doesn’t get it but I wasn’t given one gotten trying hard is amazing tools to cope how do I find a better student situation when I’m tapped out on the community’s resources and places to stay with out being on streets it scares me to have to look outside again you know the fear of being outside. The person I want to become to be out there what do I do I can pay my rent at SSI I had a felony and no place to take me or go help Hello and thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with your roommate. I found a few resources that may be of help to you. The following resources are single room occupancy hotels: Renee’s Room and Board 916-271-4678, Sequoia Hotel 916-442-8973, and the Shasta Hotel 916-448-7510. If you need additional resources or referrals please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.
Do you deal only with domestic violence against women ? What about domestic violence from women to men? Hello, and thank you for your question. WEAVE helps men and women victims of domestic violence. If you would like more information about our services you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
I came to Weave for help in 2011/ 2012, and through your help was finally able to gather up enough strength after a very physical, sexual, and emotionally abusive marriage and relationship since 1998. I have 4 sons, two of witch are my ex husbands children. I’m not sure what to do, and need some advice. In our divorce I tried to make it as simple as possible. I gave him pretty much everything, and slowly he let go of the boys. When I left I had to run and stay in hiding for a little while. I left him the house because he refused to leave, and didn’t want to ruffle any feathers with him. I had my own place for awhile then met someone and moved in with him. My ex does not help financially, and I did not ask for child support nor did he. We each have 50/50 custody, so as not to upset him, though they have lived with me full time since we moved here. He had never been physically abusive to his “own” two young children, but the other day he text my 15 year old son and then threatened him through a text!! He then attempted to come up to our home because he wanted the right to discipline him physically while he was in a rage!! I did not open the gates to our driveway, and the neighbor saw, and heard the comotion and calmly got him to leave. I let him know I had 911 ready to go if he attempted to jump our fence, and my boyfriend was here!! He has been really pushing lately for me to get the boys passports because he is saying that the world is ending, and he as there parent has the right to be able to get them out of the country. My instinct is screaming…… He is going to take off with my boys!!!! He seems even more unstable then when I was married to him!!! School is due to start in a few weeks, and they go to school in his district near my old home. My boyfriend, or I take them down everyday, but I fear now he will have any chance to take them from school and leave with them, or worse hurt my 15 year old!!! What are my options in this situation??? I am so confused on how to handle this situation, and protect my children from him, and the abuse that he is capable of!! Please any advice will help me get pointed in the right direction!!! Than you J Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave for assistance. I’m sorry that you and your children are going through this, it sounds like you have made a good, stable home for your children. A few options that I can think of that may help you in this situation, one, you may want to consider modifying the custody agreement so that you have full custody. As you mentioned, you have had the children full-time since you moved. Also, you have the option of filing a temporary restraining order. I’m not sure what area you live in, but the family courthouse located at 3341 Power Inn Rd offers a free TRO workshop Mon., Wed., and Fri. from 8:30am-12pm in the self help computer room. You mentioned that your Ex sends threatening texts, you may want to keep them and any other threatening or abusive communications to use when filing the TRO and when trying to modify the custody agreement. I hope this information helps, and if you have any other questions or need additional resources please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You
How does weave help there clients? And what if a woman wants to go back? Hello, and thank you for reaching out. WEAVE services include 24/7 telephone support, counseling, support groups, and a confidential safehouse program. The decision for someone to return is totally  their decision, WEAVE does not advise any caller or client to leave or stay with their significant other. If you have any other questions, you can call our support line at 916-920-2952.
I’m 27 and I live with my father. It’s not the most ideal situation for me but right now I don’t have any other options. We get into shouting fights pretty regular. Mostly because he’s controlling and nothing anyone else says is right. Well today he’s been picking at me pretty hard. Of course I yell at him to defend myself I’ve never put my hands on him or hit him in any way. When I was 16 he broke my nose I called the cops but they sided with him even though I was bleeding from my nose pretty bad. Well anyways tonight granted I yelled at him to just leave me alone I don’t care to hear what he has to say. He got irate and threatened to slap me in the face. My question is if I yell at him and he hits me can I call the cops on him or will they just side with him. I think the only reason he doesn’t hit me is because I’ve told him I will call the cops. But if he actually does hit me what can I do?

Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns. I cannot comment on whether or not the cops will side with your father, but if you feel physically threatened you do have the option to call the police, especially if someone physically attacks you. What happens after that, is up to the police. I hope this helps.

I dk what to do anymore. I have been to multiple DV shelters but none will help me. I have a nonverbal autistic son and I can’t work because of this. I keep having to go back to my abusive husband. I am so depressed and I feel so helpless. My son can’t handle staying in the DV shelter living either it gives him a nervous breakdown. Are there any places who can help? Please God I need help! Hello, and thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry that you and your son are feeling helpless, hopefully we can try and help you. I think it would be good if you called our support line and spoke to an advocate, and one of them would be able to get more information about the shelters you stayed at and exactly what you need to keep yourself and your son safe. The support line number is 916-920-2952. Thank You
My boyfriend sometimes slaps me , and grabs me and scratches me. We have an almost 3 month old daughter together, its for that reason I’m unsure if i should leave or not ? I mean he’d never hurt the baby Hello, I’m sorry your going through this situation with your new baby. Making a decision to leave a relationship is hard, and only you can decide to stay or leave. You do have options; you can file a TRO (temporary restraining order) at the family court house on 3341 Power Inn Rd. The courthouse has a free workshop for TRO’s on Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. WEAVE offers free support groups, counseling on a sliding scale fee, and a confidential safehouse program. You can call our support line for further information about any of our resources or for other resources or referrals. Thank You & Good Luck.
Also how do I get full custody and renew my restraining order please email me if you can help or know how to help. Hello, thank you for contacting WEAVE. WEAVE offers a free child custody workshop (information only, no paperwork) the 1st Wednesday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm. I’m sorry, I’m not sure how to renew restraining orders. I would assume if you go to the courthouse where the TRO was issued, they could better direct you on how to renew.
I have 3 kids 9,5,1 yr old and work full time my boyfriend/baby father just went back to jail for DV but took the rent money and I need help paying my rent and bills till I can get back on my feet and caught up cuz I lost out on 2weeks when this happened I have a yr lease with 6 months left where can I go for help I have no friends or family Hello, I’m sorry to hear your having a hard time, these situations can be really difficult. A found a couple of resources that may be able to assist you. The Greater Sacramento  Urban League offers rental assistance to qualified individuals. You must call 916-286-8607, it is by appointment only. Also, the Salvation Army Family Services helps with rent and utilities. You must call Monday’s from 9am-11:30am & 1pm-4pm for rental assistance. I hope this helps, Good Luck!
My mom was physically abused by my father all through my child hood. I had to grow up witnessing the abuse he caused her, and myself when i would try to protect her. My mother has suffered through his abuse physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am an adult now, and i live with them in there home. They are going through a divorce because of another woman he has in another country, which the other woman is living in my parents home that they have in Nicaragua. We live in the US in another home that they own. He refuses to leave the house and i have to witness the emotional and mental turmoil he is still causing. Is there anything that weave can help me with to be able to help my mom? Hello, thank you for reaching out with your concerns about your mom. I’m sorry you had to witness this abuse growing up, and now. Your mom has a few options, if she’s ready, she could file for a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) at the family courthouse. They offer a free workshop in their self-help computer room Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. The courthouse is located at 3341 Power Inn Road. Also, WEAVE offers a Confidential Safehouse Program. To be considered for the safehouse, your mother can call the 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952, and complete a screening. If you need additional referrals or resources please call the support line. Good Luck!
My husband was charged w/ domestic violence because the police filed charges. Why can my Husband make this charge disappear from his record? I feel like I’m running out of time! He seems to think he can do whatever he wants to me once his probation period is over. I’m really scared of him! He’s willing to do anything illegal to me! But, I can’t fight that! I’m not able to be like him! How can I protect myself from a liar & criminal??!! Hello, thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for your questions and concerns. Your situation sounds scary and you do have the option to file a restraining order for protection, if that is something you would like to do. There is a free workshop held at the Family Courthouse located at 3341 Power Inn Road, in the self-help computer room. The time of the workshop is Mon, Wed, & Fri from 8:30am-12pm. If you have any other questions or need additional referrals, please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952.
Husband was verbally terrorizing our two daughters. I stepped in and we got into it. He shoved me down, I hit the floor on my bottom, hit my head on our thick glass table….he’s a BIG guy, and it could have been so much worse but should I still get checked out.
1. Because my right side of my head is throbbing (no cuts or bleeding, I don’t think). But hurts and my rear hurts and my left hand where I braced myself….I also NEED my hands for my job and can’t have injuries there.ughh.My 5 .5 yr old daughter saw him shove me down.
2. For proof.
Hello, and thank you for contacting WEAVE with your concerns. I am not a medical professional, so I can’t advise you medically, but if you feel that you may be injured then it’s better to go to be sure. Also, if you have a head injury, you could have unseen injuries. It’s really your call, but from what you describe I would go just to be safe. I hope this helped.

The DA served a no contact restraining order on my boyfriend. Is there any way they can find out that we still text and call each other if i don’t report him?
Subject:
Domestic Violence
Additional comments:
I am also 17 about to turn 18 . And he is 19. Is there a way I can get this order lifted ?
 
Thank You for contacting Weave with your concerns. I am not an officer of the law, so I cannot advise you on whether or not the DA will find out about your contact. You can call the DA’s office and inquire about getting the order lifted, they would have better knowledge of the questions you need answered. If you need additional referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You & Good Luck!

I don’t know where to go to file for divorce because we can’t afford to live apart. I’m also concerned for our 4 teenage children. While they get angry in the moment & their dad to leave, they get angry with me when I tell them I’m going to divorce their father. They’re angry with me for “destroying our family”, telling me that it’s going to be ok. I feel guilty because that’s when I’ve been saying for most of their lives. After our angry fight Saturday night, I know I can’t put our children through this anymore. They deserve so much better. More & more, I’m scared for my children, that one of these days he’s going to hurt them.
Subject:
Domestic Violence
Additional comments:
It’s difficult for me to click the “Domestic Violence” tab because my husband has never been physically violent with me. It’s always been emotional/verbal abuse. We’ve been married for 20 years a few weeks ago & most of our marriage has been rocky. We’ve had a few good times, but they never last. I believe my husband is an alcoholic. He gets drunk every night & the fights start whenever my children or (more often) I ask if he’s been drinking. We already know the answer, his eyes are a major giveaway. He’ll look at me with his glassed over eyes & angrily say that he’s tired & that we don’t appreciate how hard he works to support our family. That’s when he’ll go to our room & pass out.
While he has never hit me, he’s pushed me away when I get too close to him. He does get physical with our children when they confront him. It can be when he’s drunk or if they don’t do a chore he’s given them. If they don’t do the chore immediately, he goes from sweet daddy to yelling psycho.
I do have to admit that I used to drink with him. I stopped drinking completely on March 29, 2015 after an argument that got so out of control, the police were nearly called. I decided my kids deserve much better than they were getting from me. It’s been since then that my husband has started drinking more, hiding his alcohol somewhere on the property we’re renting. If our kids find a bottle that’s still got alcohol in it, then pour it out. I don’t even know where he gets money for alcohol since I control the finances. We only have 1 account, my personal & I get alerts on my phone if he (uses his phone) spends more than $5.00 .
I just want out of my marriage & am afraid of how I’ll be able to support our children without his paycheck. I only get $685/month in SSI for my Muscular Dystrophy. & I know from experience how difficult it is to get money from him. If it hadn’t been for me, his former wife would never have received the child support she deserved for their son. He’s even told me that if I divorce him, he’ll make sure I don’t get a dime from him. He told me Saturday night that our minivan is his & as he’s said many times before, that I’m a crippled piece of shiz.
How do I get away from my husband & still be able to take care of our children?
 
Hello, thank you for reaching out to weave with your concerns for your family. I’m really sorry you and your children are going through this abuse. I know you mentioned that it was hard for you to push the domestic violence button because your husband never got physical with you. There are actually five types of abuse, and physical is only one of them. The others include financial, sexual, spiritual, and mental/verbal abuse. Any one of these categories classify as domestic violence. If you are interested in starting your divorce in Sacramento County, you can attend one of our divorce workshops for information and paperwork on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30p-7:30pm, or the 4th Thursday of the month from 3:00p-5:00pm. If you need any additional referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
I have been threatened and am being terrorized by my husband and his family. Local police did not help me and I cannot get a lawyer to take my case. I have moved to a different state because of the threats. My husband threatened to burn our home to the ground and he did so a few days ago. He has made it look like an accident but I know he did it. He and his family are out to get me and I do not know where to turn for help. He never does or says anything where I can prove it but instead gets me so upset that I say things in writing that can probably get me in trouble and make it look like I am the one causing the problems. He has turned my son against me and keeps trying to turn others in my family against me. I need help and don’t know where to turn. Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. It sounds like a scary situation to be in, but hopefully this information will guide you in the right direction. Unfortunately, you didn’t mention which state you relocated to, so to further assist you please call our 24/7 support and information line so that an advocate can assist you with referrals or resources in your area. Thank You & Good Luck!!!
My husband has hit me twice in our marriage of 5 years. When he becomes upset I get scared he might hit me again one day. We have three kids together. I am only 23 years old and he is the one that works. He is a very jealous guy and I do not have any male friends and I do not go out with out him. Lately he has been getting a temper again. Except he isn’t afraid to show in front of the kids. I need some type of help to know what I should do. No one in my family knows so I don’t have anyone to talk to about this with. Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. I’m really sorry you and your family are going this, but hopefully we can guide you in the right direction. First, you do have options whether you are looking for counseling, safe shelter, or just someone to talk to. You can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate would be more than happy to assist you, and help guide you in the right direction. Good Luck!

I cant even find the message i posted a few days ago. Is there a way to search for it? Are all messages posted? I am a lesbian in an abusive relationship and need help finding a place to live on my disability payments. I am having no luck anywhere and things here are getting worse and worse everyday. today she called a lawyer and was told tht she could NOt evict me. I am on the lease. that just pissed her off even more and she took it out on me and is now screaming thru the house, leave bitch just leave, and things like that. I would leave if i had a place to go and place I could afford. Its scary here.IN june she asked me to leave within 6 month, then last week she told me leave in 30 days but every day she is hassling me to leave. today she told me to just kill myself, noone wants me around and it would solve so many problems. It is very difficult to find a work from home job here in california, and it is all I can really do. my disability just doesn’t give me enough money to afford rent, unless i can find a place that allows me to pay 30 %, but those are not available and the wait lists is 6 mo to 2 years long. I don’t have that kind of time. If you can please email information. Know that I cannot come and stand in line forever I am 530 lbs and can barely walk so standing in line for services is not an option. I have no car, and no way to get around. Its very difficult for me to pay someone to haul me around. I have contacted an agency IHSS to help with having someone to take me to dr appts and such, but the social worker said she wouldnt be able to interview me til august sometime. anyway i could go on and on but I will stop there. Please help.
Shauna
Subject:

Domestic Violence
LGBTQ

Additional comments:
I am a lesbian in an abusive relationship and need help finding a place to live on my disability payments. I am having no luck anywhere and things here are getting worse and worse everyday. today she called a lawyer and was told tht she could NOt evict me. I am on the lease. that just pissed her off even more and she took it out on me and is now screaming thru the house, leave bitch just leave, and things like that. I would leave if i had a place to go and place I could afford. Its scary here.IN june she asked me to leave within 6 month, then last week she told me leave in 30 days but every day she is hassling me to leave. today she told me to just kill myself, noone wants me around and it would solve so many problems. It is very difficult to find a work from home job here in california, and it is all I can really do. my disability just doesnt give me enough money to afford rent, unless i can find a place that allows me to pay 30 %, but those are not available and the wait lists is 6 mo to 2 years long. I dont have that kind of time. Know that I cannot come and stand in line forever I am 530 lbs and can barely walk so standing in line for services is not an option. I have no car, and no way to get around. Its very difficult for me to pay someone to haul me around. I have contacted an agency IHSS to help with having someone to take me to dr appts and such, but the social worker said she wouldnt be able to interview me til august sometime. anyway i could go on and on but I will stop there. Please help.
Shauna
 
Hello, and thank you for contacting weave with your questions and concerns. I’m sorry that you are going through abuse in your relationship. I believe it will be beneficial for you to call our support line, and an advocate can offer you resources and referrals that may help you transition to independence. The number to get started is 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.
My husband is a sociopath. I have somewhere for my daughter and I to go but I have no access to money. We can move in with my Mom but I can’t put her in financial straights to get us there. Are there any organizations that help financially? Also, because people believe his lies, I feel like no one believes me where we live. I have no help to pack up a truck and leave. I’m really trying to problem solve, but he has isolated me and convinced me to quit my job. I have no money whatsoever. Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your questions. I’m really sorry you and your family are going through this hardship. I know that trying to find financial assistance can be hard. One option you may have, is to contact the California Victim Compensation Program at 800-777-9229 for details on relocation benefits. If you need additional resources, you can call our 24/7 support line and an advocate can assist you. Thank You and Good Luck.
My mother in law is in a emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. She is trying to leave but has some health problems and doesn’t want to leave her kids behind ( ages 16 and 10) with their father. It hasn’t been physical, but he has kicked holes in the wall. Does this program help if there is non physical abuse? Hello, and thank you for contacting us in regards to your mother-in-law and her safety. Domestic violence does not only include physical abuse, there are 5 different types of abuse including physical, mental & verbal, sexual, financial, and spiritual. So, to answer your question, yes our program assists victims who has suffered abuse other than physical abuse. Weave also offers a confidential safehouse program, if that is something your mother-in-law is interested in. For more information or additional resources, and referrals, please call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.
My ex boyfriend showed up at my house and physically hurt me and I ended up in the er. The police were called it went to court, crown counsel said he was pleading guilty. He never got arrested the nite of the incident. In court, he got no criminal record. And got a peace bond. With conditions. So he can hurt a woman. Put her in the hospital and nothing happens to him. How is this right Hello, and thank you for reaching out with your concerns. Unfortunately, I can’t explain why the decision was made not to charge him, I assume that was scary to hear. You have an option to file a TRO at the family court house on Power Inn Road. They hold a free workshop on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:30am-12pm. If you need additional resources or referrals you can call our support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.
I need some help getting over what i have been through, I’ve been drugged without my consent and used in a game by the one person i thought loved me. i did everything he wanted me to do, and for some reason i was all wrong. and i feel like i deserved what i got, and he hit me and choked me out and tried to silence me for good. i hate thinking and wishing i could have him back, but i don’t want him back but i miss the man i fell in love with. i hope you guys can help me with the problem in my life and i hope to get some answers. i don’t know where to start or what to do anymore… Hello, I’m sorry for what you went through, it sounds like a scary situation. If you would like to see a counselor and talk about what your going through and how your feeling, the first thing you would do is attend a free triage assessment on Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. Our office is located at 1900 K. Street. If you need additional resources or referrals, we have a 24/7 support and information line, 916-920-2952. Thank You and Good Luck.

My husband is abusive both physically and emotionally. We have been living together for almost 3 yrs now but only married for 1.5yrs. I have been unemployed the entire relationship. I brought nothing of value into the relationship. We haven’t made big purchases together except one. He does very well for himself and he was already established when we met. I moved into his house that he’s lived in for a decade.

I have pictures of bruises from the aftermath of one of the assaults but no police report from that incident. I also did not go to the doctor or hospital. There were witnesses to the bruises, but they are his family members and they told me it was my fault. He assaulted me in the shower.

I am unsure of my legal rights and I may not have the money for a divorce attorney. He has access to top lawyers and friends in high (and low) places. I live in Texas and he has guns in the house. I am afraid that if I came into the relationship with nothing that I will end up with nothing, except emotional scars and the burden of starting my life over from scratch. I have a degree and I’ve been searching for a job ever since I got my work visa. I have no family in TX and the one friend who still talks to me, after all the drama he causes, is going through her own divorce (online, uncontested, no kids, no assets, no lawyer) and is relying on the kindness of people she barely knows for a place to live. I feel very isolated and scared of what he could do to me if I leave, while making it look like an accident, and I’m worried he will lie and twist everything in his favor so I will be left in the dirt. I’ve been terrorized, traumatized, physically assaulted, verbally and emotionally abused but how would anyone believe me when his family, friends, and coworkers all think he’s such a wonderful man? We don’t have kids, thank god! I need help planning my escape. I will probably need therapy too but I don’t have the means right now. And I need to know how not to get screwed over.

I am angry at myself for trusting this man so completely and for not protecting myself better, thinking that this exact position I’ve found myself in, couldn’t happen to me. Please help.

Hello, and thank you for reaching out on our message board. I’m sorry your having such a hard time in your relationship, and no support.There is an online resource that may be helpful to you. It is a website and search engine for national domestic violence shelters. You can search by address, city, state, or zip code. It also includes safety planning and other information regarding domestic violence. The website is https://www.domesticshelters.org. Thank you and Good Luck.
I have a friend the Sacramento area that is trying to extricate herself from an abusive relationship but she has 2 cats and is very concerned about what will happen to them. Currently they are with the abuser. Is there anyone or a service that can foster these cats while she tries to get on her feet? Hello, and thank you for your message. I found two resources that may be helpful for your friend. The City of Sacramento Animal Care Services provides referrals for boarding, their number is 808-PETS (7387). Also, a Safe Place for Pets is an online  search engine to find safe place to house pets, safeplaceforpets.org. I hope this information is helpful. Thank You.
I’m disabled with a traumatic brain injury from four blows to my head when he punched me, and just from the first blow 5 yrs ago & hitting my head on the cement. I developed a deadly seizure disorder called”epileptic focus disorder” where i go unconscious, i take life saving medication daily. I’ve been living with him 14 years, and last year he took me on a years ride of an eviction,stop ,start,calling it off and back on again,this last time I lost in court. It was illegal for judge to not see that he’s abusive, and within the housing authority he cant evict his victim, and also some law president Obama put into house rules. Were having serious problems,my counselor and dr. have all recordings i have of his death threats and hits on my life,he even said bitch ill drag you back outside and give you another brain injury. How do i break this cycle? He says he just stopped the write of eviction,and all he has to do is call his attorney to send the sheriff right out here to lock me out. IS THAT TRUE? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE AT LEAST RESPOND TO THIS QUESTION AND ALSO CAN I GET SPOUSAL SUPPORT MONEY FROM HIM WITHOUT TURNING HIM IN AND MAKING POLICE REPORTS?I DON’T WANT TO SEND HIM TO JAIL,ILL JUST FORGET ANY SUPPORT THEN,BUT ITS NOT FAIR HOW HE CAN BREAK MY DENTURES I WEAR IN FIRST PLACE WHEN HE KNOCKED SO MANY TEETH LOOSE.
can somebody help me please?he controls me,neglect
Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave with your concerns. It sounds like you are having a real hard time with your significant other, and not getting the answers you need. According to what you said in your message, it sounds like he can’t evict you. If you would like information about a divorce, Weave does offer free legal workshops in regards to divorce. To start your divorce in Sacramento County, there’s a workshop on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm, and the 4th Thursday from 3:00pm-5:00pm. The workshops are for the purpose of information and paperwork, and held at 1900 K. Street. If you would like additional resources or referrals you can call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952. Thank You.
How do I get the DA to press domestic violence charges against the person who assaulted me, and wasn’t arrested. Do to them being on a 5150 hold, which they claimed true only as they were handed the emergency retraining order which was served to them. Hello, and I’m sorry your having a hard time with your case. I’m not in a position to advise you how to get the DA to press charges, but you may want to contact the DA to find out why charges are not being filed. They can better explain the reasoning behind why charges are not being filed. If you need additional support you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank You
Hello! So I called last night (6/16) and I just wanted to thank who I talked to. I was calling because one of my closest friends had been raped and she didn’t want to report it, even though she’s 16 and the man (who has just gotten out of prison for messing around with small children, and still has an ankle bracelet on) is 27. The woman I talked to was extremely helpful with me in deciding how to help my friend, and I’m glad I filed a report. So, thank you Jan. If I can I’d like to send her a “thank you” card, though I’m not sure where I’d address it to? I know this isn’t really a question, but I appreciate any answer that I get. Thank you.  
I am the Father of two boys with special needs. On 5/19/2015 The Superior Court of California County of Sacramento was able to take notice of the DVPA-RO entered 9/26/14 against the mother based on findings that she perpetrated both Domestic Violence and Child Abuse, per Family Code 3044, the court granted sole legal and physical custody to the father. The court adopted FCS Report (A76.392) as the court order, effective immediately.

ALL BENEFITS ARE FROZEN!

The mother was the payee and has been financially abusive, currently she is withholding benefits from the beneficiary, on 9/26/14 the court found the mother to be the primary cause of discord. She was ordered to report to Probation to register for Batterers Treatment and Anger Management but refused to do so. She was ordered to foster a feeling of affection between father and sons, and do nothing to injure the opinion of their father or impair the natural development of love and respect for their father. Child Protective Services records reflect that both children clearly disclosed that their mother asked them to spy on their father, attempted to coach and negatively influence the children against their father. The mother has a verified history of filing false reports to CPS. The mother and all occupants in her home have a verified history of angry and violent behavior towards the father in front of the children. The mother has a verified history of using the children as pawns in her war against the father.

Due to the above conditions my two children and I request that SSA expedite processing of this claim due to presumptive disability and dire need. In order for my children and I to get back on track and ride out the storm of being with the parent that has been alienated from it is necessary for us to request additional benefits in the form of an Emergency Lump Sum Critical Payment. I have a duty to my sons for us all to remain together and get the help we need for this transition to be successful. Giving up is not an option at this time.

With both children having special needs, Autism Spectrum Disorder and Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and with my diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder with Anxiety related to Battered Spouse Syndrome, we have a long road ahead of us. The authorities involved believe that even with my mental health issues I am functional to the point of being able to parent the children. I have been in therapy or in training for psychology since March of 2008 and have clinical training in Social Model Behavior Modification and Emergency Psychiatrics. I am even a former EMT and SART Advocate for WEAVE. Currently enrolled online at the University of Phoenix. I have 6 more classes after the current one I am in now before I graduate.

With our disabilities making it difficult to work and the need for excessive transportation to and from various forms of therapy, both children will be attending different schools and needing appropriate and constant supervision and redirection, transportation to and from supervised parenting time for the mother began 6/3/15, planned interactions with family, friends, and recreation outside the home requires resources that we are not receiving at this time. In order for Artemus to maintain rapport he has established with his teachers it will be my responsibility, due to the fact I live outside his school district, to transport him the 25 mile roundtrip to school and again to pick him up.

During the 2014/2015 school year Maximos school records reflect a child who was frequently sent out of the classroom for defiant, aggressive, impulsive, disruptive, and disgusting behavior. He was expelled from his school and placed on independent studies at home where his negative behavior was encouraged. His current IEP is being evaluated by a team of Forensic Psychologists between two school districts with the conclusion that he qualifies as being Severely Emotionally Disturbed suggests a medication evaluation and being seen by both a psychiatrist and psychologist in addition to a family therapist in order to help with aggression with father and siblings. It will be my responsibility for transportation since I live outside the school district of origin.

My vehicle needed immediate repairs in order to be reliable. Registration is due, Insurance needs to be paid up on 6/15/15, and new tires soon. Gas and routine Maintenance.

There are of course the pending attorney fees, in order to guarantee our stability and safety I used all the retainer fees to get where we are now. The next court dates on 7/14/15 is the Settlement Conference Order to Show Cause and then the Trial for Order to Show Cause is set for 7/23/15 where Child Support, Domestic Violence Alimony, Therapy Reimbursement, Restitution, and Attorney fees, plus anything else the court sees fit to award, will be determined followed by a civil tort for IIED to determine pain and suffering in September. Victim Witness for CalVCP will also be scheduled later in the year.

With relocation assistance for emotional trauma by CalVCP approved I relocated to a nicer apartment in anticipation of getting custody. I have no roommates to share this cost. There are monthly utilities for SMUD, Internet, PG&E, the cost of Water, Sewer, and Garbage are covered in the cost of the Rent. There is a need for another bed and other furniture items plus linens.

We also have an Emotional Support Dog that lives with us, she has participated in every supervised exchange of the children to date in order to ease the effects of emotional abuse and echolalia. Her name is Zoey and she travels with us just about every place we go. She will need updated vet services, shots, registration and licensing, food, additionally a harness vest that displays she is a Support Animal will be needed.
Hello, and thank you fro contacting Weave with your concerns. It sounds like you have been doing everything needed to try and take care of your family, and I commend you for that. If I read correctly, it seems like you may need some additional resources or referrals. If so, you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and speak to an advocate who can assist you. Thank You and Good Luck!
My daughter lives in California. Her husband was arrested for domestic violence last month and she got a restraining order against him. Today she got a letter saying the charges were dropped due to lack of proof to convict. Does this mean he can get the restraining order dropped? Also, at the last hearing, the judge said the no contact order would stand until the next hearing in August. But even though he’s violating it, and contacting her nonstop, the police department in Roseville says there is nothing they can do. They say the order was never served, even though he was in the courtroom at the same time she was. She has copies of the order, which she brought to the police station, and they told her to bring it up at the next hearing. So, essentially, he will get to harass her until the August hearing. We are wondering what good the order is, if he can violate it with no consequences. The judge seems to think it means something, but the police do not. It’s very disheartening, as I am across the country from her, there is a child involved and she seems at a loss to advocate for herself. Hello, and thank you for contacting weave regarding your daughter. I’m sorry she’s having difficulties with law enforcement. According to courts.ca.gov, Until the other side has been properly “served,” the judge cannot make any permanent orders.  Remember, so far, you have a temporary restraining order, which runs out the day of your court hearing unless the judge extends it or gives you a “permanent” restraining order. If your daughter needs a safe place to stay, other resources, or referrals she can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate will be happy to assist her. Thank you and Good Luck!
My son is almost 20 and lives with us.He doesn’t work and just hangs around.Also he has a nasty temper.Tonight he argued with me over something that had nothing to do with him. He smashed my computer and has threatened to blacken my eye.He spits on me.I had him arrested at 17 .The cops wont help me .I want him gone but my husband is afraid of him and wont kick him out .What can I do? Hello, and thank you for contacting Weave with your concerns. I’m sorry you are going through this with your son. As a parent, you have an option to get a domestic violence restraining order. There is a workshop at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:30am-12pm in the self-help computer room. If you need additional referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate will be more than happy to assist you. Thank you and Good Luck!
My husband pushed me out of his way tonight and I felt very violated. He gets very upset at me about the state of our kitchen, and we had just returned home from a trip. The kitchen was not “perfect,” and he was attempting to put away groceries. I started to help him, and he huffily told me to leave it to him (since he has a “Way” that I do not understand of putting them away.) Then I happened to be in his way, trying to get our toddler son out the door to play, and he shoved me out of the way. This has never happened before, although I have felt his scorn regarding the kitchen building. This happened after a very nice weekend away (the off and on pattern has happened for some years now…some loving days followed by very distant irritable days). After I cried in front of our toddler and took a walk to cool off, I came home and he apologized but I asked to go to counseling and he seemed to turn it on me, that it was my fault (that I couldn’t keep the kitchen clean). I am trying to understand if I should forgive this incident or see it as a warning sign, or if this is emotional abuse. Hello, thank you for your message and questions. I’m sorry that you are feeling this way, but I’m glad you asked for clarification. Some examples of emotional abuse could include: name calling, isolation, blame, humiliation, manipulation, and crazy making, just to name a few. If you are interested, Weave does offer a free intimate partner violence support group that covers a range of topics pertaining to domestic violence. To get started with group you would need to attend a free triage assessment Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you have any questions or need further assistance you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
I need shelter info that will allow me to take my pets. I can’t leave them behind. My daughter’s health would plummet.
Are there any?
Also I work full time would the shelter be able to get me to my and from public transportation?
Please offer me hope. I’ve had to many damn doors shut in my face. I also don’t want to hear anyone tell me to have the adult dog put dw
Thank you for reaching out to Weave for support. If you would like information or referrals to shelters that accept pets, please call our information and support line and an advocate could help you find shelters to accommodate your situation. The support line number is 916-920-2952. Thank you and good luck!

  My ex has violently and sexually abused me even during pregnancy. I have a restraining order in place until 2017. He presently was released from prison and has been leaving me phone messages, which I ignore. Because of my abuse I suffer from anxiety and sometimes stutter. He moved to the county were I was in, so I ran away with my toddler. I am now in Galt and homeless and without a car. What can I do???

Hello! Thank you for contacting WEAVE regarding this matter and I am sorry you experienced this traumatic event. Please call us at our Information and Support Line and if you are interested in talking to an advocate who can explain you in depth referrals and resources available within your area. The advocate can also explain to you more about our safe shelter and go over the process to see if you qualify. Additionally, we offer 8 free sessions of counseling to those who have experienced sexual assault at our business location. You can do so by attending our free walk-in triage assessment which is available every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm.

I am doing a school project regarding topics that have to do with human services help,for someone who wants to be helped, what is the application procedure they need to do to be accepted and the eligibility criteria as well? Last but not least, what kind of services are provided for them? Thank you very much Hello there! For someone who is looking for shelter through WEAVE, we offer a confidential safehouse for those escaping domestic violence and sexual assault. They would need to complete a screening over the phone, and upon approval the caller would be given information on what steps to take from there. If you have anymore questions or need resources you can call our 24/7 information and support line at 916-920-2952. Thank you for your interest.
I need a place to send my daughter-in-law to seek some counseling, as it is my son who is abusing her. Hello, and thank you for reaching out for assistance with you daughter-in-law. I want to commend you for helping her, although it is your son who is the abuser. If she would like to seek counseling through WEAVE, the first step is for her to attend our triage assessment. The days and times are Tuesday and Thursday between 12pm-2pm, and Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you or your daughter-in-law needs any additional resources or referrals you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952. Thank you and Good Luck.
I am a man in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. I would like to get help but I don’t know where to start. I would like to know what resources are available to me. I would also like to know if there are any resources to help my wife (as an abuser). Hello, and thank you for contacting us in your time of need. If it is counseling that you are looking for, weave offers individual, couples, and group counseling. To begin you would need to attend one of our triage assessments at 1900 K. Street on Tuesday or Thursday between 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm. If you are looking for a safe place to go to you can call our 24/7 support and information line for additional referrals and/or resources. The number is 916-920-2952. Thank you and I wish you the best.
Is it considered domestic violence if the violence or person isn’t a partner ? Would me and my children be able to stay in the safe house if were homeless and afraid of my brother ? It is considered to be domestic violence when two people are involved in a intimate relationship and one or both people are being abused. Unfortunately, our shelter only accepts those escaping domestic violence from an intimate partner. If you would like others referrals or resources you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for almost 5 years. We’ve been through problems of cheating and lying and trust issues like crazy. But recently we got back together i guess because we have a 2month old together When we found out, of course we wanted to set the past aside and make it work for our little one. But I don’t know what to do anymore. Throughout our 5 years of dating, domestic violence has been an issue. He’s hit me several times before. He’s hit me so bad my lips were so swollen. He’s hit me so bad that I had a black eye and his hand mark on my neck. He’s hit me so hard I’ve actually been knocked out by him. And as stupid as I am, I let him back in my life every time. I know it’s a dumb things to do. And i’m proof that he will never change because today, he hit me again. To the point that I have a black eye and a swollen jaw. Also, minor cuts on my wrists and my legs my fighting him back. It all started because I was, according to him, being a bitch and nagging him about money. For the past 5 years, i’ve pretty much been supporting him financially. He had his own business, which I often helped fund when he didn’t’ have the fund. It closed down. After that he was just hustling really. He won’t get a 9-5 job which really frustrates me because our baby needs stuff. But anyways, it seems like he always comes back to me when he’s down and out. But then once we get in a huge fight, and he has money to leave, he leaves to go mess around and spends his money on drinking and partying. And when he comes back once he’s out again, he just gets comfortable being with me because I have money. It’s no different this time. He’s been out of a job for the past 2 months. He quit because our baby was born. I do everything. I cook, I clean, I pay the bills. All through my disability and savings. He does some online sales because that brings nothing. Last month, he gave me 100 dollars. I always bring it up: that once he gets money he ups and leaves me because it’s easy to leave. Why doesn’t he just pitch in to help me?
He keeps saying, he’ll do more, he’ll do more. But never does. So today,we got in that huge fight and left again. He even hit me and pulled my hair while I was holding our baby.
What do I do? I used to want to make it work because I wanted us to be a family. but not anymore. How do I say no to him? I’m so scared to say no to him because he gets so violence. And he’s told me repeatedly that he’s going to kill me. If I get the authorities involved he will kill me and my family. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared for my life and my baby’s life and my family. Please help What should I do? And now with my 2month old baby, what should I do?
I’m really sorry to hear that you are suffering from this abuse at the hands of someone you love. When children are in involved it makes your decision to leave much more harder. It sounds like you are going through the cycle of violence. First, there’s a lot of tension building, walking on egg shells, trying to reason and satisfy. Then, the explosion, maybe physical abuse, police being called, he/she may leave, or even fight back. Lastly, the honeymoon is when the abuser will apologize, promises they will never do it again, blames the drugs/alcohol, and/or buys you gifts. If you would like to learn more about intimate partner violence, Weave offers a support group. First you would need to attend triage on Tuesday or Thursday between 12-2pm, or Wednesday between 5-7pm. Weave also offers a confidential safehouse. To get started you would need to call the 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 and complete a screening. You can also call this number at any time for additional resources and support. Good luck and try to stay safe.
my parents are physically abusive. I am over the age of 18 and have my own income, but they make sure I can’t save any money. they are moving and I don’t want to go with them. is there any help I can find to get into a new place of my own if I can afford to maintain it after the fact? I really don’t want to go with them, it gets worse by the month.. but I don’t have anyone around here to help. I tried moving out once, but they forced me to come home.. so now I can’t go to a shelter or anything because I have so many belongings to take with me. Thank you for reaching out for assistance at this difficult time in your life. I’m not sure exactly what it is your looking for, but I have a resource you can start with. Housing Now, 916-549-1044, provides housing resources, they have a database of affordable housing options, and they will assist with the applications. If you need additional resources or referrals you can always call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.

I just found out that my brother has physically abused his girlfriend and my younger brother. He is a heavy drinker and they both live with him. There are 3 instances that I am now aware of:

1. At Christmas – my abusive brother and girlfriend showed up and the girlfriend had a noticeable limp, She told us that she tripped and injured herself. She just let us know that this was due to a fight my abusive brother and her had.

2. A month ago – my younger brother texted me and told me that the abusive brother and him got into a fight. He minimized was happened and said that they were “good” now. I just found out that the fight was worse than he said – and that the girlfriend had to jump on my abusive brother and pull him off as he was strangling and punching him. I believe that my younger brother minimized it because he does not want me to react and he wants us all to continue to be “bros”.

3. This week – my wife got a text from my brother’s girlfriend saying that they got in a really bad fight. He was also drunk. She said she was screaming out for help, but no one came to her aid. Also, he was strangling her – she said that her chest was also swollen. She said she is tired of the treatment but still loves him. (textbook victim) When he leaves (next week) to go to a funeral – she says she is going to leave (and we have encouraged her to do that). Yet, I have a weird feeling that she will not.

From what I understand – he always starts crying and saying he is going to commit suicide after he has these violent breakouts. He is highly manipulative of both of their feelings.

To compound everything – I am going to a funeral next weekend to someone who was very special to me. The abusive brother, at the last minute, has decided to go and wants to share a room with me and is insisting on it. I want to go to this and am trying to keep my mouth shut as I want to celebrate the person who passed. What’s really disturbing, the abusive brother called me the next morning to ask to stay with me and acted like nothing even happened the night before. I am conflicted and absolutely sick about this.

Further, the following week, I am suppose to fly out to attend my younger brother’s high school graduation and stay with the abusive brother and his girlfriend. (I am cancelling this trip.)

I want to confront him – but I do not want him to retaliate on my younger brother and his girlfriend. That is why I am have not yet said anything and it is making me sick. I am really conflicted on when I should confront him – as I do not want anyone to get hurt. Any advice?

Hello, and thank you for reaching out for help. It sounds like your situation is really hard, especially being caught in the middle of family violence. Sometimes it can be difficult for a victim to leave their abuser, because some hold on to the hope that the abuser will change. Also, abusers can be very manipulative, especially when they know the victim is trying to leave. Hopefully, the girlfriend will find a safe to go, and now that your younger brother is graduating maybe he to can find a safe place. Weave does offer a confidential safehouse if the girlfriend is interested. You, the girlfriend, or your younger brother can call our 24/7 support and information line and speak to an advocate for resources, or if you just need emotional support. The number to call is 916-920-2952, good luck with your family.
I am a victim of domestic violence. But my abuser is 13, and my step daughter, I am 48. The police say it’s a parenting issue. My husband allows her to put me down, call me names, and even hit me with a outdoor swing. Can I press charges against her ? Typically domestic violence involves abuse by a partner or spouse, so maybe that’s why the police told you it’s a parenting issue. You can call the police and explain the abuse you are suffering at the hands of your step daughter and ask them what your options are, and if you could press charges. You do have the right to be safe in your own home. You can also call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and speak to an advocate for more resources. Thank you for you inquiry.
I am a 27 year old pregnant mother of one 6 year old boy and expecting my second in December. I am severely verbally and physically abused and this weekend again I was a prisoner while my son was at his biological dad’s house and I was at the hands and fists of the man I live with who is also the father of my child. I keep getting pregnant even though I don’t want to because I am so severely abused that I’ve suffered 3 miscarriages since last July but I believe that the man I am with likes me pregnant because I am considered high risk so I have to stay home and I cannot work or do anything for myself making it impossible for me to get away. I am so scared that even all my trips to the ER for my miscarriages and twice where he has beat me I can’t tell the nurses or doctors what he’s done because he stays right with me. In December I tried to call 911 and had to hang up so the operator called back, he answered and found out I had called telling the operator our son made the call then he beat me so bad that I could not see. He took me to the ER but threatened me to stay quiet. Because I’m pregnant, do not have my own car, he locks me inside of a gate at home, and no phone or job of my own I don’t know how to get away but I am so scared. What do I do? He has pulled guns and knives on me and I know that if he finds out I’m leaving or thinks he will be caught he would probably kill me…. Please someone help me. I am in Rancho Cordova… If I call the hotline tomorrow will someone answer collect if I can get out??? Hello, and I’m sorry you are living in fear with your children. Weave’s support line does not except collect calls, but we do have a toll free number you can call at 1-866-920-2952. You can also try the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Good luck and hope to hear from you soon.
My cousin is 23 and in a very controlling relationship. it’s new, only about 2 months but he gets very angry and blames her for his own actions. i don’t believe he has been physically abusive with her but I’m afraid this could become a dangerous situation for her in the future. I know I can’t just tell her to break up with him. What can I do to get her out of this? I’m worried about her. Thank you for reaching out to get help for your family. These situations can be very difficult, especially when trying to help a loved one. You can offer your cousin emotional support and provide her with the number to Weave’s 24/7 confidential support and information line which is 916-920-2952. She can speak with an advocate about the issues she’s having in her relationship, as well as offer her more resources if needed. If your cousin is open, she can also attend one of weave’s free triage assessments and sign up for free intimate partner violence support groups. Triage hours are Tuesday or Thursday 12pm-2pm. and Wednesday 5pm-7pm. Thank you for your question and good luck with your cousin.
Hello, I’m trying to leave a domestic violence relationship. He is on drugs, and he turns into a monster. I’m afraid to call the sheriff’s because I’m afraid of his family. He has 2 strikes and is constantly accusing me of cheating and saying I’m not at work. Twice now he has showed up to my job. I work from 530pm to 230am and I wanted to know if I tried to go to a safe house with my kids 10yrs and 9months would they turn me away because of my work schedule? I’m so over the verbal and mental abuse. I’m exhausted and sick everyday. Hello, it’s sounds like your pretty exhausted from your situation. Drugs is a major contributor to domestic violence, and the actions of an abuser on drugs can be scary. I understand you have an unusual work schedule, but every situation is taken into consideration. I’m not going to say that your schedule would be a definite denial, but you can call the 24/7 support line and speak to an advocate about your options. The number is 916-920-2952.
My ex has violently and sexualy abused me even during pregnancy. I have restraining order in place till2017 . he presently was released from prison and has been leaving me phone messages. Which I ignore. Because of my abuse I suffer from anxiety and some times stutter. He paroled to the county were I was and I ran with my toddler. I am now in Galt and home less and without a car. What can I do??? Hello, and I am so sorry to hear what your going through, it sounds like your i n a scary situation without many resources. Weave has a 24/7 support and information line that you can call and ask an advocate for resources to safe shelters. The number to call is 916-920-2952. Please take care and keep yourself safe.
My sister has been in a abusive relationship for about 5 years. He has broken her ribs, bruised her face and most recently knocked out her tooth. She has 4 kids who.lives in the house. She has put him in jail before but when he got out he threatened to hurt her and the kids if she leaves him. I’ve begged her many of times to leave but she refuses to because she is scared of him finding her and he is the main provider for her family . She has said she would leave if she can relocate to lLas Vegas or another state to get away from him. Are their weave places that can help her get far away from him? I’m in desperate need of help and resources so I can let her know their is a way out. Hello, and I’m sorry your sister is going through this. It’s great that she has your support because domestic violence can be much more scarier when you have no support. You or your sister can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and one of our advocates would be happy to assist you with referrals to shelters out of county or state. Good luck with everything and hopefully we hear from you soon.
My family and I were in your shelter when I was about 15 years of age. I have now completed my masters
and now I’m seeking to become certified in domestic violence. Can you help me?
Hello, and I’m so happy to hear about your success in school. Unfortunately, weave doesn’t certify in domestic violence, but you can learn how to become a volunteer with the organization. You can look on our website at www.weave.org and look under the “get involved” tab and click on volunteer. We hope to hear from you soon.
Hi I am 52 years old I am renting a room with a old friend jim, until I can move in my own place June 1, He is very controlling and mentally abusive. receive disability I have a little service dog buddy he is housebroken, I am afraid here and uncomfortable I am asking if you know where I can stay till june 1 I have no one to help me with this also he smokes illegal pot please email me with a resource.Thank you Hello, I am sorry you are going through this situation and living in fear. If possible you can call our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate can further help you with referrals and/or resources to try and get you somewhere safe. Hope to hear from you soon.
My boyfriend hit me twice, so I call the cops. The state put a restraining order on him, and after that I kept seeing him & got pregnant. Just a day ago the police stop us, and give him a court hearing in a different city. Can DCF take my baby away if they know that I keep seeing my boyfriend? Leaving a relationship can be hard especially when feelings are involved. Abusive relationships can be even more difficult because you want to see the good in someone who doesn’t treat you with respect. I can not guarantee that CPS will take your child, but they may view the situation as a failure to protect the child. Every situation is different and all cases are not handled in the same way. You can always call our 24/7 support and information line for additional resources and learn more how to keep yourself and your child safe. Thanks for reaching out.
I left an emotionally, psychologically and spiritually abusive, violent, and volatile marriage nearly three years ago. My ex-husband and I share custody of our children (ages 5 and 7). I am concerned that he is emotionally abusive to them and would like to put them in counseling so they can learn cope with his behavior and so that they have a safe space to discuss and process their emotions. I feel bad that I haven’t put them in counseling already; I just don’t know how to find a loving, children’s counselor that can help them process this. Can you recommend a counselors/counselors (art therapy, if possible) that specialize in treating children that come from abusive marriages. Thank you so much. Weave has awesome counselors who work with children ages 4-17. To sign up for services you need to attend a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 12pm-2pm or Wednesdays between 5pm-7pm. You can also can our 24/7 support and information line if you need additional resources, 916-920-2952.
My abuser is a high ranking officer. Doesn’t matter who I tell or where I go he always finds.me. I however have just gotten an offer for myself and my 12/year old to move overseas. What do you all know about claiming asylum? It would be the UK.
I’ll keep checking this bored on my free time for any advice. Thanks In advance.

Hello, and thank you for visiting our website for answers. Your safety and that of your child is very important, and although I’m not familiar with the process of asylum’s I did find a website that offers free consultations from lawyers regarding this topic. You can visit attorneys.lawinfo.com/asylum/california/sacramento. Good luck with your move.

My cousin is 23 years old and the man she’s in a relationship with is becoming very controlling. He is, in my opinion, emotionally abusive. He screams at her, blaming her for his own feelings especially when he’s drunk. He gets angry if she’s even around other guys. They’ve only been dating for about a month, and there’s been no physical violence that I know of. I’m just afraid that it will escalate to a dangerous situation. I know I can’t just tell her to break up with him, so what can I do to help her? Thank you for reaching out to get help for your family. These situations can be very difficult, especially when trying to help a loved one. You can offer your cousin emotional support and provide her with the number to Weave’s 24/7 confidential support and information line which is 916-920-2952. She can speak with an advocate about the issues she’s having in her relationship, as well as offer her more resources if needed. If your cousin is open, she can also attend one of weave’s free triage assessments and sign up for free intimate partner violence support groups. Triage hours are Tuesday or Thursday 12pm-2pm. and Wednesday 5pm-7pm. Thank you for your question and good luck with your cousin.
If my husband’s abuse has never resulted in severe physical injury, but he regularly verbally abuses my children and I, what recourse do I have? How can I get away from him if I have no personal financial resources? I also fear that my husband is acting in inappropriate ways towards my daughters. Good afternoon, and thank you for contacting Weave for information regarding your situation. I’m sorry to hear that you and your children are suffering abuse from a loved one. Any type of abuse could result in severe damage whether it be physical, emotional/verbal/mental, sexual, financial, or spiritual. You can always call our anonymous information and support line for more resources and/or information about what options you may have. Weave also provides a confidential safe house if you are interested. You can call our support line at 916-920-2952 for more information.
My dad was hurting my sister so I pulled him off of her, breaking his ribs in the process. I’m scared to call the police in feat that I’ll get arrested. Thank you for reaching out for answers. From the information you provided, it sounds like you were defending your sister, but I can’t make that judgement call. I would advise you to call your local police station and explain the situation. The police would be able to clarify whether or not you acted in self-defense. I hope this information was helpful, have a good day!
I have lived with my mom and my step dad for about 10 years. My older sisters have moved out and ever since then things between my step dad and I have gotten worse. Apparently, everything that goes wrong is my fault and he makes me admit it even when I did nothing wrong and did the things I was asked. Now days I spend most of my time in my room avoiding him. Sometimes it seems that he will walk to the back of the house to my room just to yell at me. I feel like I can never bring a friend over because I don’t know how he would act and would like to keep them. Over time I have gotten used to this but even my own mother rarely will stick up for me. Anyone I talk to say it is because he is from India, but I feel like it is because he just likes the power it gives him. Is what he is doing a form of mental abuse because he installs fear in to people, or is it because he is from India? Hello, I’m sorry you are having these feelings about someone you believe is supposed to care for you. From the information you provided it sounds like a lot of verbal abuse is going on. I am not at liberty to say that your step dad’s attitude is due to him being from another country, but abuse does build from one person having power and control over another. You can call Weave’s 24/7 anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate who would be glad to speak with you and/or offer you additional resources and information. The number is 916-920-2952. Thank you again for reaching out.
I’m now 18, a few years ago my step dad threatened my life. I don’t know what would of happened if my mom didn’t stop him and I am afraid to find out. When my step dad gets upset he takes it out on me by yelling at me, putting me down, and or calling me names and trying to lower my self-esteem. I am always being yelled at for doing something he thinks is wrong, when I did it as good as I was able. I hate being at home because I don’t want to get yelled at. It has gotten to the point where I would rather stay out then come home and NEVER bring friends over in fear of what he might do. Both CPS and the cops had been called at different points in my life due to him. How can I get rid of the fear of him and the fear of doing something wrong Hello, and thank you for reaching out for answers. I am sorry you are going through this with your family, it sounds like a difficult situation to be caught in the middle of. I’m not sure of your age because you didn’t mention it, but Weave offers counseling to adults and children 4-17 years of age. You can come to one of our free triage assessments on Tuesday or Thursday between the hours of 12pm-2pm, or Wednesday’s between 5pm-7pm. You can also call our anonymous support and information line and speak with an advocate for additional support or information. I hope this information was helpful.
I have never found support online for my particular situation. I was mentally & physically abused by my ex, a cop for years….all of my attempts to get help were fruitless….DV advocates, Internal Affairs….nothing helped….His bankruptcy application was eventually denied, the judge wrote a 17 page opinion as to how I was abused emotionally & financially but it was referred to the Superior Court for final Divorce judgement….he owned the courts!!!! The divorce settlement was completely unfair but even the judgement of his liability to me was ignored by him….when I tried to get help through the NW Justice Project they said they could not collect what he owed me because he since retired on Police Pension and SS Benefits….creditors did not care, they came after ME….I lost my credit…..I had to leave the state as he continued to harass me…..he knew all the tricks, he was a cop….despite my exhaustive efforts to get help, they demanded proof and I did not know how to get it because I knew nothing about cell phone hacking etc..it has been almost impossible….I have tried desperately to keep up with the IRS payments (resulting in my using 401 k funds to pay his debt)…..trying to qualify for car loans or rental units….etc. etc. etc…..SO MUCH attention is paid to women who have DV convictions of their abusers on their side….but what about those of us who are out there without any kind of help yet suffering from society demanding we pay bills (not ours) or explaining to people why we are such a mess? Hello, and thank you for taking the time to reach out for help. I understand that it could be very frustrating trying to get the help yo need and finding no answers. I would like to let you know you are not alone. There are individuals who suffer at the hands of their abuser daily. Weave offers free domestic and intimate partner violence support groups, where you can interact with other individuals going through or who has gone through similar situations. To get started you must attend one of the free scheduled triage assessments Tuesday or Thursday between 12p-2p, or Wednesday between 5p-7p. You can also call our anonymous support and information line at 916-920-2952, and speak with an advocate for emotional support.
Where do I get help? I have been abused for almost 10 yrs by the same person. Then it started with my family abusing me. Now I’m permanently injured and I can’t get around. I feel like giving up. This person abuses me physically but mostly emotionally. Hello, and thank you for reaching out for help for your situation. I’m sorry your suffering abuse at the hands of your family and loved ones. It sounds like you can use some resources to help you navigate through this tough situation. Weave offers a 24/7 anonymous support and information line you can call and speak with an advocate about what options you may have. The number is 916-920-2952, I hope we hear from you soon!
I was raped about 4 years ago and I am trying to have a relationship with a good man. Can I still have the 8 classes that I need so I can move forward? I realize it has been 4 years but I am in need of these classes. Hello! I am so happy to see that you are ready to seek counseling. We offer 8 free sessions to anyone who is a survivor of sexual assault and sexual abuse. The first step to beginning your journey to recovery is by attending our free walk-in triage where you will get to talk one-on-one with a counselor about your experience and follow-up with additional referrals. The triage is available weekly every Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesday’s from 5-7pm. No appointment is needed. If you are comfortable enough you are more than welcome to bring a supportive person to wait for you while you go through the process. Please feel free to contact our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 with any additional questions that you may have. Thank you!
I was in a domestic violence situation a yr ago. My family, that I hadn’t ever met before invited me to Sac, CA to get away from the dangers I was facing alone in another state. When I got here, my father tried to sell me to another man (I am a 35 yr old woman) I escaped that and am now alone in a new state, w/no idea of how to get on my feet and find a place and employment here. I am currently staying in a motel w/the funds I had saved, which are now depleted. I have a source of income but it is very low. I do very well when I know my resources . hitting a lot of dead ends here. Thank you for reaching out for support. I’m sorry for the road blocks you keep running into. Weave offers a 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952, and an advocate would be more than happy to offer you some resources to help start your journey. I hope this helps, hopefully we will hear from you soon.

My husband and I had too much to drink. I said something to him at the bar and he stormed out. I took a cab home and when he returned 1.5 hours later, he was irate, screaming at me at the top of his lungs. He then slammed the front door 3 times with all his might, and the door frame was pushed outside by 2.5 inches and I was unable to lock the front door. This frame was encased in concrete.

The next morning I went upstairs the next day and found a bullet on the bedroom floor. He was highly intoxicated. He will not tell me what I said to get him so irritated and violent. I am unsure what to do. Would this be considered domestic violence since he did not physically harm me?

Thank you for contacting us and reaching out for understanding. I’m sorry you had to endure this behavior, it sounds like it was a scary and confusing interaction. Sometimes physical abuse is the only type of abuse a person may identify, but there are actually 5 types of abuse (Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Financial, & Spiritual). From the information you provided, it sounds like emotional abuse was present with the screaming and intimidation when he slammed the door. Weave offers free domestic and intimate partner violence group counseling, and they cover alot of topics including the 5 types of abuse. You can attend a free triage at 1900 K Street Tues & Thurs between 12p-2pm or Wed. between 5p-7pm. You can also call our support and information line 24/7 at 916-920-2952 for any additional resources or questions you may have.

I am a woman who works Stockton Blvd. A group of men I refused services to came back and later broke my jaw. I am a patient at UC Davis soon to be released (in minutes in fact). I have nowhere to go and they just now told me they can’t find the $72 savings I came in with. Can you help? I am worried about these guys finishing the “job” rather than have me identify them.

Hello. I am sorry to hear that this happened. Please call us toll free at our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 866.920.2952. You will be able to reach an advocate who will be able to provide you with additional referrals and more information about our services. A few community referrals are available as well. A Community Against Sexual Harm helps survivors as well their number is 916.856.2900. Another number to reach would be Bridget’s Dream at 916.235.3690 as well as The National Human Trafficking Resource Center at 888.373.7888. We hope we can help.
How do you open a conversation to have your daughter call weave? She has been in an abusive relationship, and there is now an infant involved. The abuser lives with her, and she is afraid of him.
How do we encourage her to seek professional guidance. This is an ongoing issue, but we did not know about the physical abuse until last night.
Thank you for reaching out and asking for assistance. The topic of domestic violence is always hard to talk about, especially with your children. You can let your daughter know she is not alone, and by calling the support and information line she can be anonymous and there is no obligation for her to make any decisions.
I am 26 now, and had an abusive (mentally and physically ) 21yr old boyfriend (whom i ran away and lived with) when i was 16-17. He would push me down and choked me a couple times and would put me down a lot and made me feel bad about myself and call me names because i was obese. Can i still press charges? All i know is he was living in south cal last time i heard from him about 7-8yrs ago. Thank you for contacting us with your question. I am unsure of what the statue of limitation may be for your county, every county is different. You can call your local police station and explain your situation and someone should be able to assist you with that information. If you would like support or in need of other information or referrals, you can call our 24/7 support and information line and an advocate would be more than happy to assist you.
I need HELP. I am escaping domestic violence and I am homeless, because of this, and there’s a criminal protection order against him, and he made a fake facebook page of me posting photos and videos of me nude and doing sexual acts and now hes sending out friend requests to all my family and friends from that profile. I called the sheriff dept. and they told me to make an online report. I REALLY WANT TO DIE at this point. I don’t have supportive people around me. I really feel alone in this world, and now too embarrassed to go into it. Whats worse is that my teen daughter died 2 years ago, so I have that issue of grief, along with this piece of shit person, and the issues of being a female and homeless, jobless, and I really feel like giving up on life.  Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I would like to send my condolences for the loss of your child and I’m sorry you also have to deal with abuse in your relationship. Grief is a process and there are many phases one goes through. Weave offers free domestic and intimate partner violence group counseling, and you can learn about the process of grief and other topics pertaining to the cycle of violence, types of abuse, and how to create healthy relationships, just to name a few. Weave also offers a confidential safehouse for those escaping domestic violence. You can call our support line 24/7 to receive more information and/or referrals for other services you may want access to.
My partner is constantly verbally abusing me, but he is increasingly physically violent as well. He now routinely chokes me when he is angry, sometimes for up to a few minutes until I feel like my eyes are popping out. I feel dizzy and faint but I have never blacked out when he does it. He does it so casually now, sometimes its just a quick choke for a few seconds. He thinks he is entitled to do it because I got myself into debt buying stuff on ebay. I only did this after my mother had died and then my father disappeared, so I was sad and lonely and there was a void inside me. Also my partner is not interested in me sexually anymore, so I wanted to make myself feel good as a woman by buying nice things. I know it was stupid to get a credit card debt, but I work full-time and I am trying to pay it back. I pay half our mortgage and utilities bills every month. I don’t take off my partner but he put a larger proportion of cash towards the down payment of our house than I was able to contribute at that time, so he thinks I owe him now. I can’t afford to move out and I have nowhere to go. He tells me I am a weak person and that I will never pay back my debt. He also says I don’t love him or I would never have gotten into debt. I try to explain I was just very unhappy and I did a stupid thing by spending too much on my credit card, but I’m trying to make it right now. I’m not asking him for help with my financial problems. Today before I went to work he strangled me repeatedly in short bursts, he spat in my eye, twisted my arms behind my back and pinned me up against the wall.Occasionally he has punched me in the head, face or stomach but this is not frequent. The strangling/choking is very frequent. It happens maybe three times a week at the moment. I have to go into work afterwards. I don’t know how I do it but I act normal at work but inside I am coming apart. I feel humiliated and wretched. A few months ago he asked me to marry him. He gave me a plastic ring. I thought it was sweet and funny. We had gone to a music event in another town and were staying in a budget hotel. But I suffer from a chronic illness which means I get tired very easily and so I wanted to go back to the hotel after the event was over. His friends were with us and he had not seen them for a long time so he wanted to stay out. They were all quite drunk. I don’t drink and I wanted to go to bed so bad I was nearly in tears. I begged him to let me go home but he wouldn’t. In the end we had a terrible fight and he told me I was nothing to him and his friends were everything. He kept telling me over and over that I was nothing and worthless. Then because I felt so ill and was in a strange town and couldn’t go home I just could not stop crying. He kept on telling me how stupid and “nothing” I am. In the end he pushed me and when I went down on the ground I didn’t get up at first. I just stayed there and wept. He kicked me when I was down on the ground. He was calling me names like “c*nt”. I started begging him to stop calling me that name. But he just went on and on. It lasted hours. That was the night of our “engagement.” I broke the ring with my shoe because I felt so hurt and it was made of plastic so it was not very hard to break it. I feel so hollow inside. I can’t tell anyone what is happening. I don’t even know what my question is. What should I do? I’m sorry you are going through this abuse by someone you love. I commend you for reaching out and asking for help. WEAVE offers counseling services, a confidential safehouse, and free support groups. First, you would need to attend a free triage on either Tuesday or Thursday between 12noon-2pm or Wednesday between 5pm-7pm at our midtown office on 1900 K street. You can also call our 24/7 support and information line for additional resources.

I tried to turn him in once. It didn’t work. So now everything’s worse. After my husband gets mad at me, loses his temper, and beats me up, he now gets scared of getting arrested. Especially when he does extra damage like the worse my bruises are, or bruises that are very visible-like my face. So he blames me, says it’s my fault, and makes up lies.
I don’t know what to do. Beating me before was bad, but now it’s worse. He has found ways of ruining my life. For example, after he beats me and realizes what he’s done, and realizes he hurt me bad, he will hurt himself. He wants himself to look injured and me look less injured. He will clean me up-gets my blood off. For example, after last time he beat me up, he slammed his head into a wall. He had scratches and cuts and blood on his face. He said HE would call cops on ME. He said he would tell 911 that I beat him. And that I am unfit mother and they will take my kid away. It’s hard to explain because it’s so crazy. One time he beat me up, then got scared of getting arrested, so he called 911 and said I was suicidal and going to kill myself. The police did NOTHING to him, and they locked ME in a suicide stabilization unit for 3 days. Has anyone had similar experience? What can I do?
 
Thank you for reaching out and seeking help. I am sorry that you and your child are going through this and I hope the information provided can help guide you in the right direction. WEAVE offers many services including: counseling, children’s counseling, support and information line, domestic and intimate partner violence support group, and a confidential safehouse program. If you would like to gain access to these services you would attend a free triage at our midtown office at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s & Thursday’s between 12noon-2pm, or Wednesday’s between 5pm-7pm. You can also call the support and information line at 916-920-2952 for more information and referrals.
Hi, I’m in a relationship and I just had a baby, but my boyfriend has anger issues and had tried to hit me. I want to leave him but can’t because he won’t let me take my baby. He said he would kill me first before the baby leaves this house:. I need help don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reaching out and seeking help. I know it could be difficult when someone wants to leave an abusive relationship safely and it could be a difficult decision. Some options that you could consider is to call the police so that you could exit your home safely. Also, you could file for a protective order with the courts to help protect you and your child. For more information about your options, or if you need more referrals Weave offers a 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.
What are you doing to get data out there about the high number of males being molested and even raped? I am a survivor of rape and molestation. I have done a lot of research on these subjects and have had lots of therapy. I am female. I would like to know what weave is doing to get the news out there that males are raped and molested as well as females. It seems to me that since males are doing most of the abuse that a strong campaign should be done to get these facts/numbers out there about how many males are sexually abused every year. Then maybe more men would get help and stop abusing. I have never heard anything on the news or in a new paper about the number of male that are abused every year in this country. I would be willing to stand on a street corner and pass out fliers to men or pass out information to students. We have to start schooling all children about abuse of little boys. I prayed to not have a daughter for fear that she would be assaulted. No one told me little boys were molested and, as it turned out the did get molested.

Thank you for posting on our message board about this important topic! I am so sorry to hear that you experienced sexual abuse. You are correct in stating that men also experience domestic violence and sexual abuse. Since domestic violence and sexual assault have been taboo discussion topics throughout history, it has been difficult for survivors to come forward and seek justice, especially male survivors because of the stigma it follows as well as self-blame. Despite what you have been through it’s great to hear that you have some ideas about improving services for men. At WEAVE we have been working in partnership with other community organizations that reach out to our community to bring awareness regarding male survivors. Our outreach department works towards providing informational and educational presentations at schools to bring awareness to the younger generation. Our goal is to bring a broader awareness as a means for prevention and in hopes that our community as whole would not tolerate sexual abuse or domestic violence upon others. It is a work in progress and it starts with breaking the stigma and the taboo that males do not get abused or sexually assaulted.  Please call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss this issue further, as we would love to hear your input and answer any questions you may have about our services in depth. Thank you!

Ok, I was drunk and hit my cousin’s bf and threw him through a window because he hit my mother. Do you think I will get in trouble? Need help. Thank you for reaching out for answers. I’m sorry that this happened to you and your family, unfortunately we cannot predict the outcome of what could happen because very few details were given. We can’t say if law enforcement would be called or not, you could call your local police department and explain the situation and see what they advise. Another option could be to call the support line and speak with an advocate with more details and possible more options. The number to call is 916-920-2952.

Me and my boyfriend live together an apartment and we’re both on the lease yesterday we got in a fight and he bit me on my shoulder I’m thinking about calling the cops on him but I was just wondering will they let me have the apartment if he goes to jail

Thank you for reaching out and asking for help. In California there are specific laws when it comes to renting and leases. It may be best if you contacted the Sacramento Redevelopment Agency at (916) 444-9210 in order to get the correct information about your options. You could also call the support line to talk about a safety plan to ensure that it would be safe for you to return to your apartment. This number is 916-920-2952.

What time and day does the 15 week course begin? I’ve done triage and orientation.

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. The 15 week DV group is revolving and doesn’t have a start and end date. It would be best to contact our business office to sign up for this group at 916-448-2321. 

My husband and I have a 5 month old son and just bought a house which is soley in my name because of his bad credit. 

The last few days we have been fighting for various reasons after a stressful move to our new house & he has grabbed, pushed and choked me. I don’t know what to do, because he pays all the bills so I feel like I’m stuck and cannot leave. I have no family or friends close with whom I might stay. Should I just pack up my child and leave for a shelter? 

Any helpful answers will be greatly appreciated. I just know how difficult it was for me to get approved for this house and am afraid that, if I leave now, I will destroy my credit and with it any chance of being able to provide my son a safe home in the future.

Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation. Every situation is very different and although there are laws to protect renters and home owners experiencing domestic violence, it would be best to get some legal advice regarding this. You are welcome to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983. There are also several federal home loan assistance programs that may be available to assist you. The website and phone number for one of these programs is www.keepyourhomecalifornia.org/ 1-888-954-KEEP. You may also call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate about your situation. 
I have been married for 33 years. In those years, my husband has cheated and lied, seen escorts, and is still seeing them. I have seen evidence on his phone and ipad. I have tried to leave him twice and I even went to an attorney. He managed to talk me out of it both times and threatened to follow me wherever I go. I am planing on leaving him for sure this time. He still says he will follow me and I can get a restraining order and they can put him in jail or the police can shoot him. Why is he being this way? I am setting him free so he can do as he pleases and see as many women as he wants. I don’t understand? Does anyone out there have any advice? Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us for support. Each person responds differently to situations but many abusive people may act this way when there is a possibility of their partner leaving. Domestic Violence is about power and control and these are some ways an abuser may try to control someone. It may be helpful to seek some counseling and supportive services during this time to aid with safety planning and processing. WEAVE provides counseling, legal, and other services which can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

My husband and I got into it in the middle of the night. The kids were in the house but asleep. My husband left before the cops got there but was later arrested. I had a few bruises and cuts from his nails on my hands and they took pictures. They weren’t very noticeable. Will cps get involved?

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us with your question. It is uncertain whether or nor CPS will get involved based on the incident that happened. Law enforcement officers are mandated reporters and they are required to report domestic violence when appropriate. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for additional information and resources specific to your situation. This number is 916-920-2952. 
Is there any legal organization in Sacramento County that will provide free representation for me in filing for a restraining order on behalf of my children and/or divorce with supervised custody? I need to meet with an attorney and figure out if I should file for the restraining order or just divorce/custody. And, I don’t want to take on my husband representing myself when he will be able to obtain representation, as the safety of my children is at stake. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for information and resources. It may be helpful to call our legal department regarding your question. This number is 916-319-4983. A legal advocate can discuss your situation with you and provide that best resources for your needs. 
My daughter is in an abusive relationship. She is about to turn 21. Just two days ago she ended up in the hospital from the beating she endured. She blames herself and says that she threw the first punch so she should be in jail. This is the third time it’s happened and her boyfriend is on the loose. Sacramento Sheriffs have a warrant for his arrest if they find him. He recently got out of jail for beating her the first time around and she stayed with his mom and didn’t tell us until recently. I have been in an abusive relationship before and got out so I know how these men can brainwash you. How do I help her when she keeps going back? I don’t want to see her in a casket. The cops told us it’s the worst abuse they have seen where a person didn’t die from their injuries. She still has a lump on her head where he head butted her 2 months ago. Thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. I am sorry that your daughter is in this situation. It is normal for a family member to feel the way you do and it is most helpful to meet your daughter where she is at. It may be beneficial to gather resources and options that you can provide to her and empower her to make her own choice. Offering information, resources, and choices may be helpful for her. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line to gather this information and resources. An advocate is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 916-920-2952.
My brother has been abusing my family and I for years. I took pictures of the damages to my body over time so one day I could build a case against him and have him removed from our house. My parents say that if I peep a word about it that the people will come and take all of my brothers and I away. My parents are the best parents a person could ask for but, I don’t want to live like this. They don’t want to lose their son but I don’t want to have to deal with his violent outrages anymore! I see a counselor once a week at school and I can’t even say the real reason of why I’m there. I have to come up with a bunch of nonsense and can never really say exactly what he does. She just knows that he can bully us and be mean. She doesn’t have any idea how bad he really is. We have already called 911 on him once and it will just take one more call that I can’t make. I don’t know if I should tell her what is really going on. Hello and thank you for seeking support. I am sorry that you and your family are experiencing this and want to reassure you that there are resources available. Since each situation is very different, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to discuss your needs with an advocate. An advocate can then provide you with the best resources to fit your needs. 
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and have 2 children and a mortgage. When he gets angry he has punched me on the leg, slaps my leg leaving red marks, crushed my hand in his, and it is still very tender after a couple of weeks. He has pinned me up against the wall by my throat. He has poked me with sharp objects like keys. What upsets me the most is that he also harms me while I’m holding my children. He calls me all the names under the sun and often says he wishes I was dead, like this morning he said I hope you die in your sleep. He is very clever and he makes sure he doesn’t make any visible damage. I just need to know where I stand. If I left him what would happen with the mortgage and all the bills that I won’t be able to pay anymore since I won’t have any money? What would happen to me and my babies, like where would we live? Good afternoon and thank you for reaching out for information and resources. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that there are resources available. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, legal, and safe confidential shelter. To access our counseling services, please attend a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10a-1pm or Wednesdays from 4p-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. For information about our safe confidential shelter, please call our support and information line at 916-920-2952. And if you would like legal advice you are welcome to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983.
How can the DA decide not to file charges of Corporal DV on a person who is on probation for battery from a prior case with another ex and that a warrant was issued for not doing sentence requirements? This person was also in prison for the same charges on yet another ex more than a few times. The victim on the new arrest filed a report 9 days after injured. Pictures of the two black eyes were forwarded to the DA by CSI. The Sheriff wrote a 12 page report, found and arrested him, and then at court 2 days after this the charges were dropped. The victim has called and left messages at the DA’s office but no one has called her to explain why he wasn’t charged. His record alone should be enough to charge him. He is a career criminal and abuser. It doesn’t make sense. He is in jail with a court date scheduled in 3 months. There is a bail set but it says “no projected release date”. Why dont they want to charge him for the most recent arrest charges? How can a person talk to the DA when it’s not clear why their abuser is not being charged for harming them? Please advise or direct in this matter. Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. It is understandable that the situation is frustrating and commend you for seeking guidance in this matter. Unfortunately, we are unable to provide you with specific reasons for the DA’s decision to not prosecute. The DA has there own internal processes and our agency is not involved with those. However, it may be helpful to continue to call the DA’s office and request to speak to a supervisor. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line to access information regarding our services and other community resources. This number is 916-920-2952. 
My husband has personality disorder and heart failure and for 10 years I have put up with his odd and sometimes dangerous behavior and his porn addiction . But 2 years ago he had an affair and although I took him back, I can’t forget about it. I have had enough and want to leave. I want to know if I can get child support from him if he’s claiming Disability? My sons are 14 & 18 years old. Good afternoon. Each situation is very unique and it would be best to contact the California Department of Child Support Services at 1-866-901-3212 to discuss your specific circumstances regarding child support. To obtain information about our agency’s services, please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. An advocate can provide support and resources based on your needs. Thank you.

My husband has a history over the last 10 years of our relationship of abusing me. He hadn’t hit me until yesterday. He was just released from a psych unit 2 days prior and finally diagnosed w/ bi-polar. He beat me yesterday. I called the police and didn’t want him arrested because I don’t know if I should be protecting my husband because he is mentally ill or protecting myself. I can barely walk today because of the beating I took yesterday with his son on phone encouraging him to keep it up. When the police came I protected him because of his illness situation. What do I do? He has full control financially over me because his family is paying for us. Can I file paperwork to have him readmitted to the hospital? Should I have him arrested again to “save” him (if he gets arrested this will be his 4th arrest on me and they said 5 years ago they would put him in prison). I feel victimized by him, his family, his son, police..totally abandoned. And oh, the son used the “she had a drink” on me. I had two glasses of wine prior to him showing up. We were relaxing on a Saturday afternoon watching a movie 10 minutes prior there was no anger. I need help. I got to get answers….I don’t know if I should let this beating go because of the mental health issue and help him because he begged the hospital to not let him go Wednesday. Or, do I say heck with that and have him arrested. Please advise, please.

Thank you for reaching out to us for support. It is not easy to ask for advice and help and we commend you for taking that step. It is normal to feel conflicted about what to do and it may be helpful to talk about your situation and options with an advocate. You can contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 or attend a free triage session at our 1900 K Street counseling center. Triage hours are Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5-7pm. You can also “walk in” at our counseling center and request to speak with a counselor if you are unable to attend during these triage hours. An advocate on the support line or in person can listen to you and provide you with the resources and options that will fit your needs. 

I just wanted to talk to someone about this – its just there is no one I can talk with. Lately, I’ve become more negative and snappy because the abuse is getting worse. It’s happening every few days now. He is a good person deep down and wants to improve his life, and really this only happens because he feels disrespected and that I’m always mean to him. I’m just scared because he is at the point where he doesn’t care anymore – he feels its the only way to get me in line. I feel like I can’t do anything right but if I say how I’m feeling, he feels like I’m manipulating him… and maybe I am. I never thought it would get so bad… and the violence isn’t crazy bad, just occasional bruises or chucking things at me, or threatening to hurt my pets – I’m more upset about that. I still really love him – and when he is calm, he is an amazing man. But I’m acting strangely all the time because I don’t know that if I don’t control my emotions, or if I get a little negative, it’ll get bad again. I’m not sure what to do and I do not want to give up on our marriage, I’ve already made that choice. And I would never want to shame him by talking about it to family or friends. I just don’t know who can help us with it. I got him to see a counselor once… but he won’t go back ever again. If anything does go bad, there was someone who heard what happened once and I have messeges too just in case he gets too violent and I need proof. They always say to have a kit ready to run away with, but last time I tried to run away just to somewhere to stay for a few hours hoping he would settle, he was even angrier. And when its happening, I can never get out of the house – so there is no point. But yea.. its not that bad yet.. I just don’t want it to escalate… but I just don’t know what the best steps forward are for our relationship. Thanks for listening.

Hello and thank you for seeking support from us. We are here to listen to you either through these message boards or our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. We also provide legal services and counseling, both individual and groups, if you are interested. You can access these services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 12-2pm or Wednesdays from 5-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. An advocate on the support line or in person can also do some safety planning with you and provide valuable resources specific to your needs. 

Hi. I stay in California and my husband and I got into an argument that resulted physical. It happened in front of some businesses and our baby was with us. The baby was taken by DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) because of the physical abuse. DCFS took my son because I failed to protect my son by “covering for my husband and not admitting he picked me up and through me”. I went to my first court hearing and the judge ordered that the proof of a video that was said be on the report be shown for the next court date. Do they really have a video or do they just say things like that for me to talk? What should i do? Me and my husband have a court ordered restraining order from the criminal court for us to “cool off” until trial but now our son is taken. What should we do?

Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. It may be helpful for you to contact our legal department for a consultation regarding the case. Their phone number is 916-319-4983. A legal advocate can speak with you about the case and refer you to the appropriate resources if needed. You can also contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 and speak with an advocate. The advocate will also be able to provide you with specific information and resources determined by your needs and location.

I have a restraining order against me from an Ex. I recently went to church and when I realized she was there I was already within the 25 yards stipulated. I told her I didn’t know she was there and that I’m leaving. She then contacted an officer and told him I had violated my restraining order and I was issued papers to go to court. I want no trouble and my question is what could be the outcome of the court date?

Hello. Unfortunately, the outcome of the court date is not predictable. However, you are welcome to contact our legal department to discuss your situation. Our legal department’s phone number is 916-319-4983. Thank you.
My 22 yr old niece has been dating a boy 6 years older than her since she was 16. He’s been arrested for various things several times and recently was violent with her. They break up frequently and then get back together. She just found out she is pregnant and is going to marry him. I am very disappointed and I have so much hate in my heart towards him for hitting her. I don’t know what to say to her. It’s hard for me to be happy for her. Please help me!!! Thank you for contacting us for support and information. I am sorry your niece is in the situation she is in. Your frustration and hurt is warranted but she is the one that must make the choice to stay or leave. Being there for her to empower her and provide resources is the most valuable thing right now. It may be helpful to provide her with our 24 hour support and information line so that she can access our services if she chooses to. Let her know that you love her and will be there for her if or when she needs it. Providing the resources when she is ready could be crucial. You are also welcome to call our 24 support line to speak with an advocate and get information on resources so that you are prepared to empower her. This phone number is 916-920-2952.
Hi. I recently went to court for a traffic case and found out I had for a dv case that I never knew existed. I plead not guilty and I was given a Feb. 23 court date. I ended up missing that date because I had it in my mind it was the 25th. I showed up on the 25th and I was put on the court calender for March 2nd. I showed up to court on this date and was told my case has been denied. I asked for appropriate paper work and was told that I didn’t need any and that I could contact my bail bondsman to get my bail money back. When I called, I was told my case was still open and that I had a bench warrant. I went back down to the court house to see what was going on and I was told I had a warrant and I missed my court date. I told them I showed up and I was told my case was denied. I don’t know what’s going on with this case but I need help. My question is “Is there anyway I can obtain paperwork showing I was there and that I’ve been at every date except the first date that I rescheduled myself, and who can i get to verify? Good afternoon. The best thing to do is to call the Superior Court of California, Sacramento County at 916-874-5744 to inquire about your case status. This is also the number you would need to contact to request documentation for the court appearances. Thank you.

I am 6 months pregnant and my husband just slapped me in my face, and strangled me with his xbox power cord. I don’t want law enforcement involved, as I am ashamed of having married this type of person. He had never hit me before but I knew about his temper. I feel so stupid and stuck. I am in the army and the last thing I need is people finding out about this. He did all of this because I told him I can never look at him the same way because of his cheating. He was saying how me and my unborn child are the only thing he has and I told him to stop lying because you don’t destroy the things you love. Anyway I just need to know what will bring the swelling down before someone notices tomorrow at work.

Hello. I am sorry this is happening to you and want you to know that there are resources available if you decide to access them. To answer your immediate question, we are not medically trained to provide advice. Ice usually helps with swelling, however, it may be helpful to seek medical attention so that you are given the proper medical guidance. It is normal to feel what you are describing but also know that you are not alone. WEAVE provides counseling, legal, and safe shelter. Please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would like additional information about these services.
I’ve lived with my boyfriend and his parents for a couple of months now. He has become abusive. Sometimes his mom tries to intervene and she just yells “stop, get off her” but she never takes action to pull him off of me. She watches while he throws and hits me while telling him to stop. He would never touch her, so she CAN grab him off. If I were to go to the police, can she get in trouble for letting him hurt me without her doing anything about it? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that you are not alone. WEAVE has counseling, safe shelter, and legal services. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for additional information about these. This number is 916-920-2952. Regarding your question about contacting the police, it would be best to contact your local law enforcement agency and speak with them. Many factors can contribute to the outcome and it is hard to say whether she will be in trouble or not. 
I was in a 3 year abusive relationship and about a year passed after this relationship ended and I was ready to try dating again. Lat year I started seeing this guy and he was such a gentleman. He dressed nice, did his hair, he’s smart, and says he’s bipolar. Well, thats not something you expect. But he doesn’t have “freakouts” like they show on TV. In fact, I’m not sure how to professionally see what would classify as a symptom. Hes very sly, sarcastic, and great with words. He doesn’t think he is controlling, manipulative, or occasionally abusive. But his mother does and so do I. And when I point out a solid fact, for some reason his brain ignores the obvious. I feel crazy. My last ex-boyfriend called me the worst things your brain could conceive. It’s like the both of them are mind readers. 

I’m a strong person, I communicate, and I voice my needs. I’m not “needy”. I want honesty, respect, trust, faithfulness, and etc. The worst I called him was stupid, jerk, or ass. Or moron. And its not directly said its more like “how can you be such a jerk?” But he thinks its okay to call me a bitch or cunt or psychotic or crazy, after I’ve told him to never call me that. I was arrested for slapping him once because he grabbed me and was in my face and antagonizing me. It bothers me everyday because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He feels that it is my fault and I went to jail. I was desperate and exhausted and crying. I was reliving a nightmare from when i was with my ex. We have not gotten along since then. He picks on me saying I have a tone or I’m being rude. He says he loves me but has insecurities. I don’t worry about him with girls or being late. I’m trying to help him see his issues. Like calling me names, pointing out my flaws in public, and being creepy with demonic voices. What do i do? He won’t listen to me and he thinks he’s Mr. perfect. I don’t know where this turned but we used to laugh out our disagreements and Speak calmly. It’s like he’s complacent and I’m impatiently waiting for all this to balance out. We both want the same things.
Good afternoon. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out for support and guidance. Some counseling may be helpful to assist with the processing of what you are experiencing, as well as safety planning and reviewing your options. You are welcome to attend a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 12p-2pm and Wednesdays from 5p-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. Or, you can call our 24 hour support and information line to discuss your situation with an advocate. This number is 916-920-2952. An advocate on the phone or in person can give you specific resources based on your individual needs. 

How can I fix my violent marriage?

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us for resources. WEAVE provides many services that may be beneficial to you during this time. These services include counseling and a 24 hour support line. To speak with an advocate on our 24 hour support and information line, please call 916-920-2952. An advocate can listen to your needs and provide you with the most appropriate resources. To access our counseling services, please attend a free triage session during the following times at our 1900 K Street Counseling center: Tuesdays or Thursdays from 12pm-2pm and Wednesdays from 5pm-7pm.
I’m now divorced (married 12 years) and my ex is a police officer. I left the marriage because I found support from somebody at work. He is very angry that I left and now manipulates the kids. I’m in therapy trying to gain my self esteem back. I guess I’m looking for confirmation, he did the following to me…is this abuse? 

- This happened twice: In a verbal argument, he took me into the bathroom/closet (away from the kids) took me to the ground, laid on top of me while yelling in my face and waving his finger at me. He said I provoked him by pushing him into a corner. By the way, he is a police officer with lots of training, 230+ lbs and 6′2″. I did not push him into a corner. 

- He threw a full glass of water into my face during another argument.

- He performed a Field sobriety test (I was not drunk or even drinking) on me when I dropped my son off at his house. He never called it in (was all done secretly….he said he was looking for a confrontation when he saw me).

- He takes my cell phone away from me.

There is more, but I need confirmation….is this abuse?
Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. Domestic violence is about power and control and what you are explaining is abuse. It may be helpful for you to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line to speak with an advocate. An advocate can provide emotional support and also provide you with valuable resources. This number is 916-920-2952. 

I don’t have any money and I need to get away. How do I do that?

Thank you for contacting us. Not having any money is a common barrier for people to leave their abuser. It is important to know that you are not alone and there are resources available to assist and empower you to leave if you choose to. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, legal, and safe confidential shelter. To get more information about these services please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. This same line is the point of contact for shelter information as well.

My boyfriend punched me in the shoulder very forcefully three times because he was angry that I wouldn’t sleep in bed with him tonight. I had shoulder surgery about six months ago, but the surgery failed to relieve my intense pain. He left and went home right away, and I called 911. They didn’t arrest him. They did take me to get a Temporary Order of Protection. Why didn’t they arrest him? I live in Nashville TN. He deliberately punched me there because he knows my shoulder is very painful. I am very afraid of him now. Please help me.

Good morning. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out for support and resources. It may be helpful to contact the YWCA Domestic Violence Center in Nashville, TN at 615-242-1199. They can provide specific resources that are in your state and area. You are also welcome to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. They are able to provided other resources in your surrounding area.
I’m a father of a 7 year old boy. His mom and I got into an argument like a year and a half ago and I stopped seen my son. We went to court and I started seen my son again like 2 months ago. And I have been a little worried since I questioned him about his step dad and asked if he was nice with him. I thought he was but he says that he is mean with him every time they go to the the store and he touches some toys he hits him on the head with his knuckles and he says he doesn’t let him touch anything. I’m trying not to be to alarmed but also I remember sometimes picking him up he was asking me to carry him because he was scared and looking back checking if the step dad was not looking at us because he said he got mad. You should see my son’s face, he was scared most of the times. I went to a parenting class and learned that some times kids like to lie but I just want to make sure he is not being abused. Hello and thank you for seeking information and support regarding this. Not knowing what is happening at your child’s other home and whether they are safe is a common concern. It is normal for a parent to question their child’s behavior and/or disclosures. Options for your next steps depend on specific factors relevant to the situation. It would be best to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss these options with an advocate. And advocate is available to listen and provide the most appropriate resources and options.
My husband was arrested for CDV and a “no contact order” is in place . He promised to pay the landlord the lease (purchase is in his name). I called the landlord and explained the situation. I was not working because of Breast cancer diagnosis. Landlord told me I was going to have to find a new place because my husband is not here. I have paid him half the rent $ from family and friends and will have the rest Fri. Can he make me move with 3 kids because my husband is not living here? Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us for information. There are California laws in place to protect renters and additional laws for victims of domestic violence. The best option is to call the California Department of Fair Employment and Housing. Their phone number is 916-478-7251. They can assist you with the questions regarding your rights as a renter. You are also welcome to call our legal department for questions. Their number is 916-319-4983. 
In January of this year my daughters father physically assaulted me while I was holding my baby resulting in her head being slammed against his neighbor’s door. I was granted an emergency restraining order but he was never arrested or punished or anything! The restraining order stated he was being charged with domestic violence and willful cruelty to a child and the order named myself and my daughter. A month or so later we went to court & my ex told the judge that he doesn’t remember what happened but things got out of control. The judge not only agreed with him, but said he looks like a good person and it was probably a one time thing. I reiterated to the judge my daughter was physically being hurt, and was extremely traumatized after the incident happened. She would start crying and was extremely nervous after this happened. After I told the judge this he without any type of concern for my daughters mental/physical health and safety removed my child from the restraining order and proceeded to tell me he isn’t a family court judge and that my abuser could continue to contact me even though a restraining order was in place due to the baby. I do not understand why he felt the need to put myself and my baby directly and purposely in danger when she was previously named on a restraining order! I am so disgusted he threw us to the wolves. We were the ones assaulted and now we’re the only ones suffering. A couple days ago I allowed my daughters father to see her and we agree on a time that he was supposed to have her back in about 3 to 4 hours. I called him to ask when he was bringing her and stated then he wouldn’t never give her back to me and that he wanted me to see how it felt and that is what I get for getting a restraining order against him. I called the police to see if there is anything I could do they came out and they asked if he would give me my child back seeing as how I am putting myself at risk for letting him be around me and we had a agreed on when I would get her back. My ex blatantly told the cops with a smile on his face he set me up and played me just so I would give him my daughter and he does not have to give her back and there was nothing they could do about it. He advised me that he would not return her unless I will do whatever he says and if I didn’t that means I don’t love my daughter and he has all the power. I’m being blackmailed and retaliated against because I do not want to be hit or my child to be injured. The judge who ruled over my case was not invested in the victims in any fashion he immediately took the side of the assailant, showing just how much DV victims and their children are repeatedly thrown back into danger. Because of him my baby is being withheld from me out of spit and hatred. Is there a way for me to get my daughter added back to the restraining order so I do not have to have contact with him. Good morning. I am sorry you and your daughter are in this situation. It may be helpful to call our legal department so that you can get some of your questions answered. The legal department number is 916-319-4983. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line for additional resources. This number is 916-920-2952. WEAVE also provides counseling and safe shelter which can be accessed by calling this same number.
I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, and just recently it has become physical. We’ve been together for 9 years and I don’t want to end it, however the mental and emotional abuse has made me crazy. We have 2 kids together and I don’t want them to think I’m the bad person for making dad go away. But I think now he’s trying to kill me- or at least make me sick. And it isn’t just him- it’s my parents too. They’re trying to get rid of me so they can take the kids- my oldest with my parents, my youngest with his dad. I noticed things looked like worms in food brought over by my parents. I am so scared I don’t know what to do please help. I can’t trust anyone. Thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. The feeling of not being able to trust anyone is scary and please know that you are not alone. There are options available such as calling law enforcement and WEAVE but it is important to think through what option is safest for you and your children. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to speak with an advocate. An advocate will be able to get additional information to provide you with the most appropriate referrals and safety planning. 
My best friend has been involved with a guy for less than a year and right away he showed signs of emotional abuse but it has gotten significantly worse as she has made it clear she wants to leave. 
He makes threats if she even tries to do anything against him and has all but cut me out of her life because I have tried to help her get away before. But because he lives close by her, and now moved to the apartment, literally in her backyard, he keeps her under his thumb and control at all times. The abuse has recently become physical and she has all but given up because she is so scared of leaving him due to his threats and close proximity. 
His threats mostly involve calling the cops on her because she takes a medication used for the treatment of opiate addiction. She is doing well with the treatment but because it is so expensive and difficult to find a doctor to get help in our area, she resorts to buying the medication illegally, “on the streets”. She is also an occasional pot smoker and has some paraphernalia at her house as well. He threatens to call the cops and tell them she is an addict and has stuff at her house. He also threatens to smear her to her family and call the cops on a mutual friend that can legally smoke pot in their state, but not sell it technically, which he does to his close friends in small amounts. She’s terrified of going to jail and even more terrified of her friends suffering because of him so has basically given up all hope of getting out unless he either loses interest or she takes her own life. 
I’ve tried to convince her to leave and stay with me but the fear of him following through with his threats keep her there. Even at my house in a different state, but not far away, she thinks if he calls the cops on her they will come to my house and arrest her simply on his call. My question is if there is anything we can do, or I can do, to reassure her that if she leaves him and he does call the cops and that they won’t show up and raid her house simply because this guy says to them, “she has drugs” or any number of lies he has threatened as well? Can they do that even? Will the police just take the word of a random guy who is angry and names a person or a house of any normal citizen? I wonder that if we start the process of a restraining order that it will go a long way in making anything he say look like jealousy and anger that is just an attempt to hurt her. She is not a bad person, just got caught in a bad situation and is trying to get well and clean. I can’t believe there is nothing she can do to get away that doesn’t involve this guy hurting her, her friends or her family with lies . I know there are people in this exact situation and there has to be something she can do. Please help. I’m worried she is going to give up if she hasn’t already. I love her so much and it hurts like hell for me to see her like this
Hello and thank you for contacting us. I am sorry your friend is going through this. Since you mentioned that your friend is out of state in your entry, it would be best to seek guidance from your local Domestic Violence agency or call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233). You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources specific to your state and county.

I live in Michigan and my husband got arrested for domestic violence. He is currently out on bail and is not supposed to come around me at our house. His mother told me that he is planning to give me an eviction notice so that he could come home. What can I do?

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. With the limited information provided, it would be best to contact your local law enforcement agency as well as the Michigan State Housing Development Authority at 517-373-8370. There are laws in place to protect victims of violence and these two agencies would be able to discuss your state’s laws and protections with you. You can also call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for Domestic Violence centers closest to your city. Please feel free to also contact us directly on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you have additional questions or need more resources.

My husband of 3+ yrs. was extremely verbally and mentally abusive, jealous, and controlling. He went to jail for corporal punishment on a spouse but I didn’t want to see him in trouble with the law so I was able to get the charges dropped. Big mistake and now he’s worse. He keeps our small son from me and says things like ‘ if you give me a “bj “then you can stay and see him.’ I want my son and I want away from him. How can I do this legally? or is it too late?And how do I prove the abuse?

Good afternoon. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that there are resources available for you. It may be helpful for you to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983. You can leave a message on this line and someone will return your call within 24-48 hours. The legal advocate can provide you with specific information and resources pertinent to your situation. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

How do I get someone to visit my niece in the Sacramento County jail?

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. Since each situation is very different, it would be best to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to discuss the details. Knowing a little bit more about the circumstances will ensure that we are providing you with the most accurate and appropriate resources.

Hi I’m 24 years old and will be 25 at the end of the month. My boyfriend is 23 and have we been together for 6 and 1/2 years. We have a 2 year old baby. My boyfriend abuses me by not only what he says to me but he has to control me. The abuse is physical also if I say something he doesn’t like. He’ll throw me off the bed, pull my hair, and drag me all over by my hair. He’ll push my face into the floor, push me, throw things at me, punch me in the leg and arms, choke me till I can’t breath, slap me in the face, throw me into my daughter’s play yard. I get physically and emotionally abused always and he does it in front of the baby. I scream and cry to get him off of me and he doesn’t. She’s screaming, crying, and calling me as soon as he puts his hands on me and he doesn’t care. He screams at my daughter,he has no patience, he smacks her butt all the time. He’ll force her to drink the bottle even if she doesn’t want it. He doesn’t work and he has no money. He steals everything that’s needed for the baby. He was on drugs and heroin until a month ago. He’s taken all my money for drugs. Can you help by telling me what I can do? I want to leave him and I don’t want my daughter being with him at all. I don’t want him to have any rights and I want him in jail. lease help me.

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support and resources. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that you are not alone. There are resources available to assist you during this time. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, safe shelter, and legal services. To access counseling and legal services you can attend a free triage session at our 1900 K Street center on Tuesdays or Thursdays between the hours of 12p-2pm and Wednesdays between the hours of 5p-7pm. To speak with someone regarding safe shelter, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. You are also welcome to call this line to speak with an advocate about your situation or for additional resources.

Can evidence from another state be used when obtaining a restraining order in CA? Is forcing someone to live in an environment hazardous to their health legally considered abuse?

Good afternoon. Thank you for contacting us for information. It depends on the kind of evidence that you have from the other state and the recency in relation to the abuse (for example, states have different laws regarding audio/video recordings that could be used as evidence).  With regard to forcing someone to live in a hazardous environment – it depends on the factors – is the person forcibly preventing that person from leaving, are there children involved, are there threats to victim or others if they leave, what kind of hazards does this environment present, etc.  We have emergency shelter available for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.  Please consider your safety in determining next steps that may be appropriate for your situation and feel free to contact us again if you have additional questions.
Hi. I live in California and my husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have two boys that are in their twenties. For all these years, my husband has been verbally abusive, very controlling and jealous, and after I tried to talk with him about divorce he became physically abusive too. That is the past three years. Last year, after a confrontation and some bruises, I had enough and I pressed charges of domestic violence. He got so scare that he stayed out of the home for two weeks and told me he wanted to give me my space. I didn’t put a restraining order and now he is back home. He got a lawyer and probably will get probation and a court order for anger management classes. I still want a divorce but I lost my job and I can’t support my self right now. In general he is nice but I don’t want to stay with him any more because I can not forget the way he treated me and the boys all these years. I’m thinking of filing for divorce after the domestic violence case gets resolved. I don’t know how this would affect his case and I don’t want him to go to jail. I told him I don’t love him any more but he wants us to live and have intimacy like nothing happen. All I wanted all my life was a stable family but I can not keep pretending any more. Should I file for divorce now or wait after this domestic violence case gets resolved? Can I live in the house before or after filing for divorce? I don’t have any relatives or friends that can help me. The only asset we have is a small condo and two old cars. I don’t know what my next step should be. Thank you for giving me the opportunity of telling someone what I’m feeling. Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. Although you may not have any friends or relatives close, you are not alone. WEAVE has many services that may be of interest to you. For your legal questions, it would be best to contact our Legal Department at 916-319-4983. A legal advocate will return your call within 24-48 hours. For your housing needs, WEAVE’s safehouse may be an option. To inquire about this service you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. WEAVE also provides individual counseling and groups. To access these, you may attend a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays between 12p-2pm and Wednesdays between 5p-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. Feel free to contact us on our Support Line if you have additional questions or need to speak with an advocate. 

The police are trying to accuse my boyfriend of spousal abuse. We had loud verbal argument but nothing physical. I filed a statement stating that he has never struck me. They will not give me a copy and they still want him to go to the police station to “discuss it”. We are worried that they will arrest him. Doesn’t the law require them to give me a copy of my statement upon request?

Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information. Since every situation is very different, it would be best for you to contact our Legal Department for consultation. The Legal Department voicemail number is 916-319-4983. Leave a message and a Legal Advocate will return your call within 24-48 hours. 
I got out of an abusive relationship about two years ago and I went through the group counseling at WEAVE and completed it. My life has never been better; I am finally in a healthy relationship and am doing great in school now. Things were going great. Well this Valentine’s Day my ex who was my abuser decided it would be a great time to message me. During our relationship we always had problems that revolved around some events that happened on Valentine’s Day. He said he was messaging me for closure however from my relationship with him I still remember his hurtful word tactics. I feel like his message was just him wanting to blame me for our bad relationship again, reminding me that he cheated on me, and to tell me that he is happier than ever and that he is going to propose to his current girlfriend (which is the girl he cheated on me with). I think he even proposed on the same day from when I got engaged a year ago. Reading his message so many things triggered memories of how he always used words to guilt me and hurt me. Receiving the message from him makes me feel like my counseling did nothing because I still feel like he’s abusing me with his words. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m back at the beginning. How do I recover from this? What should I do? Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry you are going through this. It is important to know that what you are feeling is completely normal in response to the situation. Being triggered is something that happens and often times additional counseling may be helpful to process your feelings and validate your emotions. You are welcome to seek services with WEAVE for this by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays between 12p-2pm and Wednesdays between 5p-7pm at our 1900 K Street location. Or, you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with an advocate. This number is 916-920-2952.

I am a married mother of three kids. I left my husband for good after only a year. During that time he was abusive to me, then he moved onto our son, my first child. I never made a report, I just ignored him for a year. Now my son is 9, he has never payed child support and we are not divorced. I want to make a report now and I wish I would have sooner. But I was just happy to be rid of him. What can I do about past incidents? He wants joint custody of our son and says because there is no proof of abuse that it never happened. Is there any hope that the court will believe me? Or will they grant that monster custody?

Good morning. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Custody cases are complicated and it would be best to call our Legal Department at 916-319-4983. You can leave a voicemail and a legal advocate will return your call within 24-48 hours. You can discuss the specifics of the case with the advocate and they will be able to give you advice based on that information. You are also welcome to call our 24 Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank you.
I was in a domestic violence situation in the United States. I was born in mexico but I was raise in the United States.I met him in high school and dated him since 2011. He was always an abusive partner and he started being physically abusive in 2014. He threatened to hurt me or my family if I said anything about this situation. He hurt me so much I ended up in the hospital. I did the police report in the hospital. I decided to move to mexico because I was afraid of him and his family. I was still a student and worked in the united states. I just don’t want this to occur again and I am afraid of my safety. What can I do? I live in mexico but my father lives in the united sates. What help can I get? Good morning. Thank you for contacting us for support and resources. There are resources in both the United States and Mexico. It may be best to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for these resources so that it can be specific to your city and state in the U.S. or Mexico. A Support Line Advocate can also work on a safety plan with you over the phone. You are also welcome to contact our legal department at 916-319-4983 for any legal questions regarding your case. 
I was advised by a family member to check out this website. The backstory is: 15 year back and forth relationship. We have two kids. I married him a year ago thinking that would fix our problems and we could really try to be a family. The problems are still occurring. I really see that this is an abusive relationship and have started the process of divorce. He wants us to try harder and work on our relationship more…The question at hand is if I am in an abusive relationship can “we” break the cycle together, is there still hope for us to be in a relationship, or is the only way to break the cycle to completely end the relationship. I’ve looked at the abuse cycle and it mirrors my relationship to the T. However I do love my husband and don’t want to end relationship either but I don’t want to be unhappy due to the emotional abuse or be scared of his outbreaks I have to go through on occasions. Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support and information. You are not alone in that many people in similar situations have the same questions. You deserve to live without fear and free of violence. The best thing to do at this point may be for you to seek some counseling. Counseling would provide you a safe space to talk about your situation and really delve into what would be best for you and your children. WEAVE provides counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-2pm or Wednesdays from 5-7pm. There is playcare available during the Wednesday time. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional support or resources.
I have a DV restraining order and I am moving. I need to update the address where police would respond to a nearby city. How do I do that? Thank you. Good morning and thank you for contacting us. It may be helpful for you to contact our legal department for consultation regarding this. The legal line number is 916-319-4983. This is a voicemail and someone will return your call within 48 hours. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank you.
I lived with someone who abused me. He was the homeowner. When I tried to leave and get help from police, he found out. He became enraged. He said that he didn’t want me making trouble for him in his own home. He went to a judge and got a restraining order to evict me. I tried to get DV help, but was told that I was the “perpetrator” not the “victim.” How do I prove the truth? PS. 2 weeks after he filed the RO, he started contacting me. He said the RO only applied to his house, and that we could still have lunch. He promised me gifts in exchange for meeting with him. I refused. Good evening and thanks you for contacting us. Depending on the details of your situation there are a couple of things that may be helpful. Did you receive a copy of the orders? The orders will state what areas you must maintain your distance from. Please contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with advocates about your options and WEAVE services that may benefit you.
I think my father qualifies as physically abusive. He has no problem pulling out his belt, swinging at my brother and I with a broomstick, or smacking us in the face with his large, heavy, painful hands, Let me give you some background information. In my family, there is my mother (39), father (47), sister (6), brother (12), and me (14). My brother and I fight often, and sometimes it leads to physical violence between the two of us. My father has major problems with his side of the family (lawsuits have been filed). I don’t know the exact details, but I can tell you that we don’t see them anymore. My father has had a difficult life. At 16, he was smuggled out of Iran to avoid being drafted into the military. He didn’t see his family for a number of years after that, but he still worked his way up the ladder, doing everything from washing dishes, to putting himself through college. He has a Masters in accounting, and I can honestly say, I am extremely proud of him for that. He says his father was not a good one, being emotionally absent. As you can see, he has had a very difficult life. But does that give him the right to try to hit me with a broomstick just because my brother and I are in the middle of a screaming match? Just last week, this exact situation happened. My brother and I were fighting over something stupid. It hadn’t developed into a physical confrontation yet, until my father walked through the door. He hears the screaming, flares his nostrils, barrels towards us, and backhands us in the face. Then he goes for the broomstick, and starts swinging. After he is done torturing my brother, he turns to me, as if saying, “You’re next.” The next thing I know, I’m catching the broomstick, sliding in so that he can’t break my grip, and asking him, to the point of pleading, stop what he is doing, and take a breath. You see, in the past, he would take similar action, but I never confronted him before because I was simply too small and weak. Anyways, he did not do any such thing. Instead, he pushes me off, kicks me out the front door, says, “If you come back, I’ll kill you,” (an empty threat, seeing as how I am back and not dead), and slams the door. All the while my mother, who dearly wishes she could stop this monster, just stands by, because she is no match for him. What am I now to do? For the next 5 hours I roam around my neighborhood, alone, in the dead of night, scared, with nothing on but my pajamas and one sock. As I hope I conveyed to you, my entire family is living in fear of another beat down from my father. I think I am the first one to try to take action against him. Does he have the right to terrorize my family like this? I want to turn him in to the authorities, but their are two things holding me back: if I turn him in, who’s going to pay the bills? my mother can’t, she has three children to raise. Also, what if I turn him in, but he is just let go? Will he come after me or my siblings? What do I do? Good afternoon and thank you for having the courage to reach out for support for yourself and your family. No one should have to live in fear of their own family members or live in fear in your own home.  Have you spoken to anyone at you school about what is going on? It may be beneficial to speak to a counselor or teacher about what is going on at home.There are a lot of options for you and your family. There is a Teen Texting Support Line where you can get confidential support 24/7 just text “START” to 741741. Depending on the some further details on your situation WEAVE, Inc can help in a variety of ways. Finances are often a concern for those thinking of leaving an abusive home, there are numerous programs through the county that could assist your family in getting on their feet. Your mom can call the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with advocates about resources and way to keep you family safe.
I’m in a really bad and abusive relationship. And I don’t know how to get out of it. What’s keeping me back is the fact that we have a kid together and he watches her while I go to work. I’m living paycheck to paycheck as it is, and I have no financial support from anybody but myself. I can’t afford daycare and make too much for child action or on the waiting list. I just need help with my daughter’s daycare. She’s 11months old. I don’t want her growing up with the abuse either, I need to get out, just need help. Barely have help from family to watch her either. Any one that may be able to help works when I do. And he threatens that if I make him leave, he won’t watch our daughter while I’m working. He holds that over my head, and takes advantage of it.

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. Childcare can be very expensive and when trying to get aid it can become even more difficult as you mentioned with the income restrictions as well as large waiting lists. Have you heard of the Crisis Nursery? They can provide up to 30 days of childcare even overnight stays if that is needed.  When working with the Crisis Nursery their case managers can assist with an action plan to assist you in seeking long term daycare for your child. Check out their website for further info http://www.kidshome.org/what-we-do/crisis-nursery/

Also, for further resources please contact the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak with advocates, the advocates can assist you with a plan to leave your relationship safely.

I am a mother of , the youngest 2 of my recent relationship of 7-8yrs married 3/2014. My spouse has never truly accepted my oldest son of my first relationship, which over the years has turned into a true hate relationship. I defend my child in every way possible and he knows that I understand what is taking place is not right and not okay. I have explained to him I need time to figure out what to do to get away from the situation to make better environment for all 3 of the kids. My spouse has never been physically abusive to my oldest but aggressively verbally abusive many times. He has on many occasions been what I assume physically abusive to the younger 2 children ages 2 and 5 and as I try to step in to defend them he tries to change what I seen and make up some story as to what he wants me to believe happened. I am not crazy and sometimes he makes me feel like I am going crazy he gets violently defensive about his story, this happens 2-3 times daily. I have recently quit a job which was working graveyard and it was running me down that I just couldn’t mentally pull myself through the day. We have separated a few different times over the 7 yrs, and in the last 3-4 yrs I feel I have become co-dependent of him as does him telling me that I won’t have anything without him. I have had to move my kids from house to house numerous times including staying with family and friends living in car staying in hotel rooms and washing in the shower at the gym to be sure I could make it to work. The most recent incident in July 2014 the police were called and however such happened he was truly the one to get physically violent had me pinned to the floor after dropping me to concrete floor, my son calling police, and after everything was done he had police believing I was the abuser and they were ready to arrest me due to his story. It seems extremely unfair and has caused me disbelief that help is really there and that he could easily tell a story and turn tables on me, there is so much more just looking for some other type of help. Good evening and thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately what you just described can be common, often times those that abuse intimate partners will create situations that makes one question their own mental health. Co-dependence is another common thread where one may feel that they have no other choice than to stay due to having no family or friends to provide support, finances, shame etc. It took tremendous strength to reach out for support today, just remember help is out there! WEAVE, Inc is able to provide various services to you and your children, from safe confidential shelter at the Safehouse, counseling for yourself and your children to legal assistance with dissolution, custody and Retraining Orders. Please call the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to speak to an advocate about  services that may be beneficial for you and your family. Advocates can also provide additional resources to meet your needs, create a safety plan and work with you to figure out your next move.
 
How do I get in a safe house? I’m sure when my batterer gets out of jail he will be coming for me. I’m willing to move wherever. Good evening and thank you for contacting us. For information on the WEAVE Safehouse please call the 24 Hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. Advocates can answer any questions you may have on admittance to the Safehouse as well as resources for other shelters in the area.
If my baby’s father attacked me while I was holding my baby, will he be allowed to visit or ask for custody if we are no longer together? Neither one of us has official custody, but I will be seeking custody. The father isn’t even listed on birth certificate because I had him when I was 17 and the father was 24. He told me that if I told someone he slept with me, he would harm me and take my son. Now he has physically hit me and I filed a report. Do you think I will be able to protect my son and myself from the abusive father? Hello and thank you for for reaching out for support. It is hard to say if the incident you mentioned would determine the custody of your child. Depending on the details of your situation there may be a couple of things that may be helpful. The Sacramento Court provides a workshop for child custody called the Parentage Workshop, information regarding the workshop can be found at https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/family/self-help-center.aspx#services. The Sacramento Court also offers restraining order workshops if you are interested to if you are interested in additional protection for yourself and your son information on the workshop can be found here  https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/restraining-orders/domestic-violence.aspx#assistance. Please feel free to contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952, where advocates can assist you in emotional support as well as additional resources that may benefit your family.
What do I do? I had to pull my ex husband off our 13 year old daughter this morning, he was choking her in the corner of her room and had her on the ground in front of our 11 year old daughter. Over her over spending on his credit card and granted her disrespectful teenage mouth. I sometimes feel like I want to smack her but I am the parent, the adult and I don’t. I refrain, I walk away or take a different approach in talking it out. I choose not to act on that anger. But what do I do about him? If I let it go and we don’t address it he will do it again possibly to our younger daughter. And if I call the authority’s it will start world war 4. My daughter told me she couldn’t fall asleep because every time she closed her eyes she saw him coming at her and felt she was in the corner of the room again. She is traumatized and he feels it was all justified. Do I let this go and be swept under the carpet or do I report him? Or do I just get her counseling and get my youngest out if his harms way or was it isolated incident? What do I do for my girls I am not a person to call the police. My father and my ex both abused me. But I don’t want my girls to repeat my mistakes and choose a man like that. Does he get away with this or not ? Hello and thank you for contacting us. From what you have explained it sounds like some family counseling or parenting classes may be benficial to your family. Each child is different in what parenting stlyes work and which do not, given that it may be informative to explore other appoarches in parenting your daughter(s). The HOPE counseling center offers a variety of services on a sliding fee scale at three different locations throughout the Sacramento area. The HOPE center may be reached at 916-444-2170. WEAVE also offers various counseling services in addition to the 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952, where advocates can provide you with additional resources for you and your family. Lastly, WellSpace operates a 24 Hour Parent Support Line where advocates can speak with you about all parenting challenges they may be reached at 888-281-3000.
Hi,
I am an APS SW and am inquiring about domestic violence counseling in the home between an elderly female Client and her adult son, who verbally abuses her. Does WEAVE perform domestic violence counseling in the home?
Hi there and thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately WEAVE does not provide counseling in the home, WEAVE specifically provides services to those that have experienced intimate partner violence and sexual assault. Please fell free to contact the 24 Hour Information and Support Line to inquire about the services WEAVE can provide.
My cousin is a male and his girlfriend is emotionally, mentally, and now physically abusive to him. I’m trying to get him in a supportive way to stand up for himself and protect himself. She yell’s at him everyday and degrades him. He messages me constantly about it and I have seen her yell and bully him several times. Once dropping him off and leaving him at my house for hours, and then yelling at him for spending time with his family. There is such a stigma in society that makes men the perpetrators, but it’s a woman this time. I know that you guys are beginning to help men in their times of need, what do I do to try and help him in this situation? Do you have a shelter or anything he can get to? She has a history of mental illness and has been put in a hold for suicidal and homicidal thoughts. Would that help him in a law suit later on if he presses charges? Thank you! Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. WEAVE provides services to everyone regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. It can be very difficult for men to reach out for help, as you mentioned there is a lot of stigma for men who have been abused. WEAVE is able to provide a variety of services including counseling, safe confidential shelter and legal assistance. He may also call the 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to inquire about the services that may benefit him, if he wishes he can remain confidential on the line. Advocates will be able to provide your cousin information on how to access counseling and legal services as well as information on the Safehouse. Thank you for providing support and assistance to your cousin.
How can I help grandchildren in a abusive home. Daughter allows husband to kick 13 and 14 year olds out of the house, takes away toilet paper, laundry soap, shampoo cuts washer hose. Kids kept out of school because not able to dress or shower, step dad deprives them of food and heat in house. Daughter had court date in Yuba City court house but did not go daughter needs help too. What can I do? Police have been to their house hold so many times they can not help. Daughter has applied for four restraining orders before never goes through with them. How can I help kids? Have talked to school . Good evening and thank you for contacting us for support and resources for yourself and your daughter. It may be appropriate for you to contact Child Protective Services in Sutter County to seek options for your daughter and her family. They can be reached at (530) 822-7227 (24 hrs). Your daughter may also benefit from services provided by Casa de Esperanza, Inc they may be reached 24/7 at 530-674-2040
Hello, question…is WEAVE “area specific”? I live in Riverside California, can I avail myself of the helpline? I need assistance desperately.
Thank You
Good evening and thank you for contacting us. Yes, WEAVE is specific to the greater Sacramento area, however there are domestic violence agencies in every county in the sate of California. In Riverside county the local agency is Alternatives to Domestic Violence they can be reached toll free at 800-339-7233.
Where do I go after being hit? Hello and thank you for contacting us. Depending on your situation there may be a few options for you to maintain your safety. Please contact our 24/7 Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952, the support line advocates can assist you with safety planning and provide other resources if needed.
Do you know how to help someone who is being abused by there husband and also the husband abusing there dogs? Good evening and thank you for contacting us. RedRover is an agency that assists those in crisis and their pets. They have a variety of programs from assistance with veterinary care to providing safe shelter for animals. They may be contacted at 916.429.2457 or visit their website at http://www.redrover.org/.

How can I find free counseling? Can you give me referrals? 

Hello and thank you for contacting us. WEAVE provides free counseling, legal services, and other services that may be of interest. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional information about these services and/or other resources in the area.

My boyfriend owns guns (legally; with the required licenses, permits, etc). I’m afraid he will try to use a gun on me or threaten me with one if he gets angry. He told me not to tell anyone that he has guns. This is very concerning to me. I would appreciate any suggestions or information. 

Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. Depending on the details of your situation there are a couple of things that may be helpful. Please contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for specific resources that will fit your needs. The support line advocate can also assist with some safety planning if needed. 
How do I go about finding a successful, dedicated, female attorney who understands the term “abuse” to help me and my 83-year old father in an abuse situation. Taking it to trial set for Jan 8, 2015. I need help with presentation to a judge who apparently does not understand what abuse is. Do judges have to take “continuing education” or is it considered that they “know it all” by the time they are judging people. I furthermore don’t want to see other citizens become victims as me and my dad have…..hence, perhaps a lobbyist, and then an author?? There needs to be some new legislation put in place. This cannot be happening–a 43-year old son of mine “squatting” in my home while terrorizing me mentally. 
Hello and thank you for your inquiry. It may be helpful to refer to the following link for information about unlawful detainers (evictions): https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/ud/docs/ud-brochure.pdf as well as https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/ud/resources.aspx This website is helpful for the information relating to the unlawful detainer clinic. It’s held at the Carol Miller Justice Center. There is also help from Legal Services of Northern California with unlawful detainers. Legal services of Northern California also has a Senior Legal Hotline and they also help with unlawful detainers.
There is also a possibility of having an APS (Adult Protective Services) intervention.  You can refer to her the following link for additional information: 
http://www.dhhs.saccounty.net/SAS/Pages/Adult-Protective-Services/SP-Adult-Protective-Services.aspx
Hello I am really scared to take this step of leaving because I have been with this person for a very long time. I have collected many things and I do not want to loss my belongings because I will then have nothing. He is the total bread winner and says he will not give me a dime. So, how am I supposed to survive? If I leave, can I keep my things or will I have to lose everything I have? I am not a young woman anymore but I am losing my mind. He is emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive towards me. He is always telling me to leave and when I try he says I cannot take anything and I will not get anthing from him. He brings home a substantial amount of money and he is getting a large payout soon. Am I allowed to receive Alimony and half of this payout when he receives it to take care of myself financially? Thank you for your courage to contact us. It is not easy to reach out for support but you are not alone and WEAVE may be able to assist with several services. WEAVE provides services such as counseling, legal, emergency safe housing, and other resources. It would be helpful to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for specific information and details about the services that would most benefit your situation. A support line advocate is available to provide emotional support, as well as specific resources. You are also welcome to attend one of our free triage sessions on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center.
My husband dosen’t hit me all the time but we argue a lot. Mostly in front of our 4 and 6yr old. He controls everything in our home. I’m not allowed to use the family truck unless I get his permission and in most cases he has to come with me. I have no money and no family. I’m from Missouri. I am tired of doing sexual favors to get simple things I need like personal items. I want a divorce and he knows if I get a job I can get out but I can’t with 2 small kids, no family, no money, and no car. I feel stuck and trapped. I feel like giving up most days but I know I need to get out for my babies. I’m tired. If I come to the triage will I be able to find somewhere to stay and get out and get help to stand on my own two feet? And if I can’t find a ride to the center to you provide transportation? Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out to us for support and resources. WEAVE provides services such as counseling, legal assistance, and emergency safe housing. For information about emergency safe housing please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. For counseling and legal services you may attend one of the free triage sessions or ask for information from the support and information line as well.
My family and I are looking to find a place to go away from my father who is breaking a restraining order by showing up to where we live unannounced and harassing me and my mom. He is also constantly trying to come in contact with my mother,who lives with me and my newborn child, etc. I have run into him twice since he has been out of jail over the past week or so just running errands around town and my question is, what resources are there for moving or relocation to safe housing for women?

Good evening. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. Since he is in violation of a restraining order, it may be helpful to contact your local law enforcement agency. Yu can also file a report online at https://www.sacpd.org/reports/fileonline/vro/index.aspx

If you are interested in safety planning, housing resources, or other support please contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.

-If my ex boyfriend has assaulted me and I want to move out so he doesn’t know where I live, can I break the lease?

Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation. California extends special protections to tenants who are victims of domestic violence.One of the domestic violence laws that applies to tenants is the right to early termination of your lease. There are some protections for landlords as well, such as the right to proof of DV status. The best thing to do is to contact your local law enforcement agency or our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 so that information specific to your circumstance can be considered when providing resources and recommendations. WEAVE also provides counseling, legal services, and emergency housing. Information about these services can be accessed by calling this line as well.

Is it still domestic violence if my husband hasn’t physically abused myself or our children in years, but continues to have a short temper, yell and cuss at us, and particular berate me in front of them. For example he will call me a b**** in front of them regularly and now that they’re all adolescents & 2 out of the 3 are bigger than me, I’m beginning to feel similar treatment from them. My oldest, a 16 yr old girl, cusses, and frequently tells me to f*** off or shut the f*** up; incidentally something they also hear their dad say to me a lot. The one I’m most concerned about right now is my 12 year old son; who was recently hospitalized on a 5150 due to property destruction and threat of violence to myself, my husband, and himself. I’m almost at my wits end and I don’t know how to continue to cope with this. I honestly didn’t even need to ask if this is still domestic violence, I know it is. I’m just afraid of what that means, how I can stop the cycle, and how we can make the changes we so desperately need. I need help!!!

Good morning. Thank you for reaching out and seeking the support you need. Yes, Domestic Violence extends beyond physical violence and includes emotional abuse, financial abuse, and other types as well. Domestic violence impacts the whole family. WEAVE provides many services that may benefit you and your family. To find out more about these services you are welcome to attend a free traige session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10am-1pm or Wednesdays from 4p-7p at our 1900 K Street office. Or, you are encouraged to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for emotional support, resources, and/or additional questions about our services.

My sister called me at 4:30 a.m. yesterday morning 11-26 crying that she had left her abusive boyfriend and he and his friends were looking for her. She was on the street. She called me from a strangers house and the cops showed up. I hung up with her and haven’t heard from her since. I looked in Sac jail and she’s not there. The hospitals won’t tell me anything. Like she’s just gone and I don’t know what to do. I’m her brother. I don’t even want to know where she is and if she’s with you guys I just want to know if she’s okay.

Good morning and thank you for reaching out to us. Not knowing the whereabouts of a loved one is stressful and emotionally difficult. Due to confidentiality, our agency cannot disclose any information to you which means that we cannot confirm nor deny whether your sister is receiving services. The best course of action may be to file a missing person’s report with law enforcement and seek their advice. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources and emotional support. Thank you.

I am looking for my friend. She met a guy and the last she texted me she told me that he hits her. She said that he doesn’t let her leave the room and that she is not happy. She will not try to leave him since he will then hit her and she does not know anyone in Sacramento. I do not know where they are at but know she needs help getting out. When I call the phone numbers, they do not answer or say it is the wrong number. I would like to have an officer check on her and see if she is alright. 

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us for support and resources for finding your friend. It may be appropriate to contact law enforcement regarding a welfare and safety check. You can contact the Sacramento Police Department through their non-emergency phone number to request this and ask them for additional recommendations. This number is 916-264-5471. If you need additional resources for your friend regarding Domestic Violence please feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
Does mental abuse apply as DV? Hello and thank you for your question. Mental abuse is considered emotional abuse and falls under domestic violence. Emotional abuse is also about power and control and is just as traumatizing as physical abuse. Other types of abuse include financial, spiritual, and sexual. If you are in a situation where any of these exist, please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources. WEAVE provides free services such as counseling, legal, and emergency shelter for domestic violence victims. Additional information about these services can be accessed by calling the support and information line as well.
My husband is very violent at times. He has hit me in the neck right after a 4 disc surgery. I need to get out but I have two adult boys that live with me and he and them have gotten into fights before because of me. I want to leave this home but I am afraid to leave my boys he will totally freak out when I leave, and I am afraid I will lose whatever equity I have in the house. He has been arrested multiple times for abuse, but I always blame myself and say that I was drinking as to why it started the problem I used to have a drinking problem but it was due to his abuse and porn addiction. We have a lot of money but he keeps it from me and does not allow me access to any of the accounts except the ones he wants me to have which he puts very little in . Just last night he woke me up violently screaming and chasing me through the house I just cant take anymore. It is just sex he wants from me I need to find a place but I don’t know where to go. I just got back from London with him where he strangled me I tried to defend myself and we were both arrested in a foreign country. They asked me if I wanted to press charges against him and I said no but he wanted to press against me but there was not enough evidence because they could clearly see it was self defense. I need to get out. One day he beats me and the next day he’s so sorry and loves me to death. Me and the kids are afraid hes going to kill me. His ex wife had to get a restraining order against him. It goes on and on. please help tell me where to go. Good morning and thank you for contacting us for support. I am sorry you are in this situation and hope that WEAVE can assist you in some way. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, legal assistance, and emergency shelter. It may be helpful to attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office. During the triage session and advocate can listen to your story and provide resources specific to your needs. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources or support. Through this support line, you can also inquire about our emergency shelter program. 
I am a domestic violence survivor and have been applying to enter back into the workforce. I have enough experience but feel so overly anxious about my interview. I’m worried that my emotions, mood swings and inadequate feelings will surface and make me unreliable or unaccountable. Help please Hello and thank you for contacting us for support. It is commendable that you are applying for work and congratulations on your interview. Your feelings and anxiety are normal. Sometimes it is helpful to talk with someone about it and get emotional support. It may be helpful for you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. An advocate can provide emotional support, provide some useful tools that you can utilize during your interview, and offer resources if needed. 
Hello, I am living with my husband who is suffering from (deep depression, bipolar, manic, insomnia, medicine abuser )for the last 10 years. He has always abused me mentally, by shouting, slamming doors,using bad vocabulary. 
Last year we refinance the house due to unemployment and got a line of credit. He used $ 8000 in 3 months because of manic attack. For your info. The mortgage is under his name only and my name is on deed only. The last 3-4 years was a hell for me and I would like to let this marriage go but he doesnt let me. He says all marriages has up and down and you need to be patient with me. He says because I dont have a full time job then I cant support myself and I need him. 
To be honest I am scared to divorce because I dont have any place to go. I became a US citizen couple of months ago. I have a part time job but cant support myself with it. I am so scared to step forward .I have become so depressed and lost my confidence because living with my husband. He had couple of long relationships and after 5-6 years always they left him. He is saying women need me , use me and leave me alone, you want to do the same thing! He is an educated man, very polite, kind man but he never want to accept bipolar is a disease and need a long term therapy and medication and not using any other medication. He has been like this all his life since he was 17.
I would like to know if he doesn’t work and can not pay the debt, am I responsible for paying the debt? I would like to know if a legal separation will help out or not?
Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. Financial circumstances are a huge barrier to leaving and these are all very good questions. It may be helpful to seek legal advice about your specific situation. WEAVE’s legal department can provide referrals/information and can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 or attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You can also contact the Legal Services of Northern California at 916-551-2102 for assistance. 
My boyfriend has a history of domestic violence with others. He belittles me, says I am lazy, expects things like dinner to be made and sex and when I say no or don’t do them with enthusiasm he gets angry. He’s triggered my PTSD from childhood abuse (physical and sexual and emotional abuse) and when I have explained this he acts like it’s no big deal. He hasn’t hit me but he will get in my face, he’s grabbed my arm and recently during an argument he threw a balled up t-shirt at me in anger. I walk on egg shells all of the time and am terrified. I’ve tried to get him to leave many times but he refuses. He definitely has an abuser cycle. Is this just the beginning? I can’t get out…I am the bread winner (we have one child together and I have two others) and I never have enough money to move out. Should I take drastic measures to get out now? Good morning. Thank you for contacting us for support and information. I am sorry you are in this situation and hope that you can get the support you need for the safety of yourself and your children. It may be helpful to speak with our legal department regarding a Temporary Restraining Order. WEAVE also provides counseling and emergency shelter. Information about these services can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate can provide you with resources, emotional support, and safety planning. 
I just wanted to know if there are any good tips to help my husband. I know he is trying hard to be less violent, its slowly getting less intense but I react worse each time, as I feel I re-live every single time it’s happened in the past… I know he’s trying hard… is there anything else I should do?

Hello. Thank you for contacting us and seeking resources. For you safety and well-being, it is helpful to understand the cycle of violence and the stages of change. Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse in an intimate relationship that escalates over time. The cycles include tension building, explosion, and a false-honeymoon phase. It is important to recognize these as they happen to safety plan and be aware of patterns. These phases do not always happen in a specific order either. Sometimes it may seem like the abuser is making strides toward change in some parts of the cycle. For someone who is in the process of change, it is helpful to be aware of the model of behavior change. During this process resources and support may be helpful. There are batterers intervention and anger management groups/classes that are sometimes helpful. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and he’s never hurt me physically but in the past few months I have opened my eyes to some emotional abuse. I have been trying to work that out in my head because it is so subtle. Last night I stayed out late with a friend and came home around 3 am. Not an unheard of thing for me to do and he has done it himself so I didn’t really think much of it. However about an hour after I fell asleep I woke up feeling very cold. When I came more to my senses I found that my husband had poured a cup of ice cold water all over my back and bed. I knew this because he left the cup laying beside me on the bed. I didn’t know what to do. For the first time I felt fear of him coming back into the room and doing something else to me, but he didn’t. I guess my question is, is him pouring the water on me considered physical abuse, and could it be a sign of physical abuse starting in the future? I need to know. I do have support if it is but I’m afraid to say something if I’m over reacting.

Good evening and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Domestic violence is perpetuated in many different ways and it is common to feel the need to reach out for clarification. Domestic violence is about power and control. From what you are describing, it sounds like you fear your husband and that things may be escalating. Not all abuse is physical and you mentioned that you are starting to take notice to some emotional abuse. WEAVE provides services such as counseling, which may be helpful for you to process this. You can access free counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. WEAVE also provides legal services and emergency shelter and these services can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. You are also welcome to call this support and information line if you would like additional resources specific to your needs and/or for further emotional support.
I’m a dad of three little minions. I have been divorced for 5 years and my ex-wife finds a guy and then gets stable for about 3 to 6 months. She takes my kids around him and it ends up bad. She fights, hits, and the whole 9 yards. The kids end up living with me full-time at the end of every one of her relationships. Cops are called, the kids lives are upset, and I have to put it back together and make it stable for them again each time. This is very brief synopsis. 

She was booked for family assault domestic violence for slapping her boyfriend while my son was in the car for about an hour asleep. The car was leaking gas and getting into the car through the air duct. (Son has Bad Asthma), which resulted in me and him being in the ER until 1am. 

I have been to the DA and attorney general’s office to try to get help and they both turned me away and I have no other options. Her parents want me to take her parental rights away to keep them safe but I am the non-costodial parent. And if she calls the cops, I have to give them to her. I have contacted a lawyer and am going to speak to them tomorrow but I need to handle this to protect my kids. Please Help
Good evening. Thank you for contacting us for information and resources. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. You have already done an amazing job at providing stability and safety for your children and reaching out to an attorney like you have is the best thing to do in the situation. Filing for custody and’or a court order would be an option. WEAVE offers a free Child Custody Information Only Workshop on the 1st Wednesday of each month from 5:30p-7:30pm at our 1900 K Street center. This workshop may be helpful for you as well. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line for additional resources at 916-920-2952.
What if the domestic violence is going back and forth in the relationship and both are having the situation?

Hello and thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like your question is referring to how to determine who the “predominant aggressor” is and why this may happen. This is a very common question and difficult as well. A “predominant aggressor” is defined in the United States as the party who is the most significant or principal aggressor. It is important to determine which party is the predominant aggressor so that the true victim can effectively seek safety, and so that offenders are held accountable.

A violent assault is one act in a series of controlling and intimidating tactics used by a batterer to attain power and control over the victim.  Victims may utilize violence to avert an attack from the aggressor or in self-defense.  Thus, the predominant aggressor may not be the first party to use violence in the incident.  Batterers may try to convince the police, family members, etc. that the violence was mutual and that they are also a victim. 

In order to identify the predominant aggressor, it is important to understand the dynamics of domestic violence. Such as identify which injuries are due to self-defense and which are offensive injuries. We must also look beyond the visual evidence and consider the context of the act of violence by identifying controlling behavior in the predominant aggressor and fear in the victim.  It is vital to recognize the signs of power and control.  Some of these tactics are: Emotional abuse, Patterns of violence, Isolation of victim, Use of threats, Enforcement of trivial demands.

While it is difficult to determine immediately who the predominant aggressor and victim is, an understanding of domestic violence and power and control is helpful. If you still have questions or need additional information please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. 

I am an 8 month pregnant mother with a 2 yr. old and 5 yr. old who just started kindergarten. My husband rarely hits me, but on the occasion that he does, which is usually after an explosive argument, he won’t let up on slapping me,throwing objects at me, and verbally abusing me in front my boys. He also becomes revengeful towards me. However,if I apologize and relent that he’s right for his actions and the way I’m being treated, then he switches back to being ‘normal’ and life continues on in the same dysfunctional pattern. I want to leave this dysfunctional environment with my 2 boys, but I don’t know what to do. I feel utterly trapped…I don’t have a job. I don’t have a driver’s license. I don’t have a car of my own. I don’t have any friends at all. I don’t have any family members here in Sacramento that I can turn to for help. My relatives live on the East Coast. I just feel hopeless because my son just started kindergarten and I don’t know what to do about that were I to leave this house. Should I even bother turning to WEAVE for guidance and help? Hello. I am sorry you are in this abusive situation and feeling trapped. Yes, WEAVE can assist you with services and resources. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 so that an advocate can give you the most appropriate resources and information based on your specific needs. By calling this number, you can also request information about our emergency shelter program. 

I have been a victim of parental abuse and teacher/student abuse. Both of which were occurring simultaneously at one point in my childhood. I have committed acts of abuse towards my own children and am deeply remorseful and regretful of it. I am also involved in a marriage with an emotionally abusive man who on rare occasion will resort to physically abusing me, in which case I have also defensively reacted by throwing things at him to keep him away from me, which I know is still domestic violence nonetheless. None of this is acceptable or right. I don’t want to be an abusive person and don’t want to be abused any longer, and most of all I have failed my children, by subjecting them to physical and verbal abuse in the first place, and allowing them to witness the shocking display of toxic behavior between my husband and I. I don’t want to lose my children and I really just want to break this vicious and horrendous cycle. Any advice for me?

Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry you are in this situation and acknowledge you for taking this important step to break the cycle. WEAVE provides many services to victims of Domestic Violence, including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. To access counseling and legal services you can attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. To access our emergency shelter, you can call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 to complete a phone screening. A support line advocate can also provide support and resources that may be helpful. 

What kind of shelters do you provide? What is the duration of time one can stay in one of those shelters? Do you provide childcare? Do you help/assist victims of domestic violence in finding their own places to live, like an apartment etc.?

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information about our shelter services. WEAVE provides emergency shelter for victims of Domestic Violence. The shelter is part of a comprehensive 60 day program that includes case management, group and individual counseling, and support and advocacy. There is no Daycare but playcare is provided for some instances as available. We also have an Employment and Housing Specialist that works with residents on housing options post their exit date. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you have additional questions.
What happens in WEAVE? I heard there is a shelter? How does it work to get in?  Good afternoon. Thank you for your inquiry regarding our shelter service. WEAVE provides many services such as counseling, legal, and safe shelter. The legal and counseling services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. For safe shelter services, an over the phone screening can be requested by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate is available to discuss your specific needs and facilitate a screening. The advocate can also provide additional resources that may be helpful.
I have a friend that lives in Concord & is in a very abusive marriage. She needs help moving back to Sacramento. She has an older pitbull that is very gentle & sweet. Her spouse has physically, mentally, & sexually abused her as well as threatened her dog. She needs to find a safe place here in Sacramento for her & her dog. Is there anything I can tell her? Hello. Thank you for reaching out to us regarding your friend. There is an excellent resource that your friend can call regarding pets. Red Rover is an organization that can provide safe escape, safe housing, and safe support programs for pets during a crisis situation. Their phone number is 916-429-2457. They can assist in may ways for your friend’s pet care. WEAVE provides safe confidential shelter to eligible victims of Domestic Violence and this service can be accessed by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line advocate can also provide specific resources for your friend’s needs.
Hi there. My sister was in a DV situation and my wife and I took her and her two daughter in 5 years ago. Recently she started a relationship with a person who is under investigation by CPS because he tased his 10 year step son, he has two older children who where abused emotionally by him. She is now moving in with him stating that he has never abused a child and his kids are lying. Is there anything, legally, my wife and I can do to prevent our nieces (one had her neck broken the other got badly beating by their dad) to stop the kids from entering that house? I feel so helpless as my sister wont listen to reason. Good afternoon. Thank you for utilizing our message board and asking for support. It’s difficult to know what to do in situations such as these, however it sounds like your in a situation that may need some additional support from CPS. CPS’s mission is to protect children and strengthen families. CPS may be able to provide you with some advice and resources to better assist your sister. They can be contacted on their 24 Hour Child Abuse Hotline: (916) 875-5437 (875-KIDS). You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 if you would to speak with an advocate about it and/or for additional resources.
I’m currently in a marriage that I feel unhappy and unsafe. My spouse calls me names. He rarely hits me. He hits me with the back of his hand. He has punched me twice, pushes me too. If I say something he doesn’t like he will jump up and tell me he will beat me up if I don’t listen. He refuses to work, cook or clean. We have two small children both under age 5. They get scared and cry sometimes when he yells at me. He never hurts the kids though. They love him. I’m afraid of taking them away from him I don’t want it to be a mistake. But I rather co-parent and get a divorce. He has nothing no car no job he’s comfortable living off of me, he sees that I’m struggling and still won’t help with bills/get a job. He’s really mean to me. I’m afraid of the little hitting becoming worse. I have really low self esteem now. He talks so bad about me and then will say nice things. It’s confusing. Thank you for reaching out to us for information and support. I am sorry about what you are going through and hope that WEAVE can provide some resources and services. It is normal to feel confused during situations like this. Domestic Violence is about power and control and what you are describing is abuse. WEAVE provides counseling, legal, and shelter services that you may qualify for. To access our counseling and legal services you can attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. To see if you qualify for shelter call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. You can also call this support and information line to talk with an advocate about your situation and they can provide specific resources that will fit your needs.
If your spouse/husband tells you to be quite in a disagreement and you don’t then he slaps you in the mouth once saying “Be Quiet” and then begins yelling calling you a ugly women and makes fun of your looks. Is this a frame of Abuse of any kind? Even though I’m not bleeding and have no bruises. Good evening. Thank you for contacting us regarding your question. Domestic Violence includes many types of abuse, not just physical. Emotional abuse is one of these and sounds like what you are describing in addition to the physical abuse. Domestic Violence is about power and control and can be seen in many forms of abuse. It may be helpful to talk with a counselor and WEAVE provides free counseling services if interested. You can access these services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Office. WEAVE also provides services such as legal and shelter for those that qualify. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 
I AM SURPRISED WHY YOUR COMPANY IS NOT MORE INVOLVED WITH THE NFL AND THEIR LACK OF LEADERSHIP WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I AM SAD TO SAY YOUR COMPANY ALSO DROPPED THE BALL AND FAIL ON YOUR PART. I AM THINKING IF “WEAVE” IS ALSO A JOKE LIKE THE NFL!??? AS LONG AS THE COMMISSIONER STAYS ON BOARD, YOU AND THE NFL ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD.

We are sorry you feel this way and want to ensure you understand what we have done thus far and continue to do. Since news of the Ray Rice video and subsequent NFL player domestic violence arrests have emerged, we have remained adament that the focus needed to be on holding abusers accountable and that any effort to shift blame to the victim be challenged.  We have done this through the statement we released publicly which can be found here as well as the numerous media interviews we conducted in the days following the release of the video. 

WEAVE’s mission is to build a community that does not tolerate domestic violence and sexual assault and provides survivors with the support they need to be safe and thrive. We believe our actions in response to Ray Rice and other NFL players have been true to our mission. If you would like to discuss your concerns further, please do not hesitate to contact us. Our Business Line is 916.448.2321 (Monday – Friday) or you may email our Executive Director at bhassett@weaveinc.org.

My boyfriend has been verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. He has been more verbally and emotionally abusive than physically. He apologizes to me and says that he will stop as long as I stop doing things that make him mad, especially when he tells me not to do something, but I do it anyway. My family does not want me to see him at all because he hit me once and tried to physically harm me in other ways. Should I listen to my family and leave him when I really don’t want to leave him because I believe that he can change? Hello. Thank you for contacting us for support. You are not alone in being confused about what to do in situations like this and it is hard to know what will transpire from either decision you make. However, it is important to make an informed decision that is safe. The decision to leave or stay is one that many struggle with and it is usually helpful to see a counselor during the process of making a decision. Counseling may help with processing what you are experiencing, safetly planning, and information learning. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You are also welcome to call us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional support or resources.
My daughter is a DV victim of a husband who just entered prison. We fear retaliation due to her filing for divorce and need to know his release date and how to best keep her safe afterwards. He does have prior prison conviction for assault with a deadly weapon. I am not sure of which agency to start with. Good afternoon. Thank you for sending us your inquiry. If the abuser is in a California state prison, then you can go online at inmatelocator.cdcr.ca.gov and search for him. This search will give you some of this information. You can also contact the CA Dept of Corrections and Rehabilitation Inmate Identification Unit at 916-445-6713 for this information. WEAVE provides services such as counseling and confidential safe shelter. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for more information on these services.
I am being stalked by my husband. I left Arizona over a year ago to get away from him. He has filed divorce paperwork demanding money. I do not want to face him. He has threatened to come to sacramento to kill me and himself and i have subsequently run further and taken a leave of absence from work. I need help filing a no contact order in addition to some assistance with my divorce proceedings. I am hiding in a county north of Sac but cannot get assistance here because i have no address and no residency. Please assist me. Good afternoon. Thank you for reaching out to us for assistance and support. WEAVE provides many services including counseling, confidential shelter, and some legal services. To access our legal and counseling services you can attend a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. The Victim/Witness Assistance Program through the District Attorney’s Office is also a resource. They can be reached at 916-874-5701.You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line for additional information and resources. 

I was recently assaulted by my ex boyfriend and a lot of my hair was ripped from my head, mainly on the top. No matter what i do with styling it, nothing covers the large area without any hair and it’s effected my life tremendously. I’m insecure and can’t ever enjoy doing anything because I feel like my hair is being looked at. I’ve seen a hair professional and she told me my scalp is traumatized and my hair shouldn’t have any chemical treatments or extensions put in for a while so she recommended that I find a nice wig to wear while my hair grows back. But wigs that look natural are so expensive and I can’t find any that I can afford. Does your retail store carry any? Or do you know of anywhere I can go to find one I can afford?

Hello and thank you for contacting us regarding your question. The Victim/Witness Program through the District Attorney’s Office has resources that you may qualify for to assist with the cost of a wig and/or other resources. They can be accessed at 901 G Street, Sacramento, CA 95814
(p) 916.874.5701 (f) 321.2205.
Are there educational classes or services for those who don’t suffer physical abuse, but emotional and verbal abuse? Good afternoon. Thank you for your inquiry. A relationship can be abusive without physical abuse. Emotional and Verbal abuse are recognized as domestic violence and services are available for victims. WEAVE provides free counseling services, safe emergency shelter, and legal services. These services can be accessed by calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 or attending one of our free triage sessions on Tuesdays from 10a-1p or Wednesdays from 4p-7p at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. 
After 14 years of being in a DV relationship he has died. I thought it was over but the nightmare continues because he was the sole provider and now i stand here unable to move forward. I have not had a job in 14 years and now I am to old to do the labor work that I used to do. The job market for older women is poor and my low self esteem and fear of everything and everyone is a barrier. I am just one step from living under the bridge. Bills are due. Where can i get help to find a job?

Hello. I am sorry you are in this situation and commend you for reaching out for information and support. There are several resources that may be helpful for you at this time. First, WEAVE provides free counseling services. Counseling may be beneficial for addressing the trauma, low self-esteem, and healing component. This service can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. In regards to assistance with securing a job, the following resources are available in the Sacramento area. Each of these agencies provide employment services.

Women’s Empowerment   916-669-2307
1590 north A Street, Sacramento, CA 95811

Francis House: Job Development Center
1422 C Street, Sacramento, CA 95814

Greater Sacramento Urban League   916-286-8600

3725 Marysville Blv, Sacramento, CA 95838

My girlfriend has been arrested for domestic violence in the state of Colorado 3 times. She has assaulted me with objects and has even come after me with a knife. I decided to record her one night while she drunkenly screamed at me. In the audio recording she said if it wasnt for our son she would kill me, she would gut me like a fish. I perceived this as a threat but in court what is the difference between would and will? Is that still considered a threat?

Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and clarification. A “criminal threat” is when someone threatens to kill or physically harm someone and that person is thereby placed in a state of reasonably sustained fear for his/her safety or for the safety of his/her immediate family, the threat is specific and unequivocal and the threat is communicated verbally, in writing, or via an electronically transmitted device. Criminal threats can be charged whether or not the person making the threat has the ability to carry out the threat. It may be helpful for you to contact us on our 24 hour Information and Support line so that an advocate can give you specific resources regarding your circumstance. The Information & Support Line number is 916-920-2952. 

My husband is very controlling and verbally abusive. We’ve tried marriage counseling but no one can convince him that his behavior is wrong. Where can I seek help? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. WEAVE provides several services that may be beneficial in your situation. These services include free counseling, legal assistance, safe housing, and referral services. You are welcome to attend a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from  10am-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office. Or, you can call our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 and speak with an advocate. 
I would like to know if my daughter is a victim of domestic violence? Her partner’s anger toward her and did damage to my property recently happened. Am I a victim as well? He torched the inside of my truck, which is my only means of transportation. I am sorry you and your daughter are experiencing this. Domestic violence is about power and control and it can look different in each situation. Your daughter’s and your safety are a priority. It may be helpful to file a police report to document this incident. It would also be most helpful to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 so that we can get a little bit more information and refer you to the most valuable resources. 

Can I still get a restraining order if I am trying to leave my husband and he is stocking me

Hello and thank you for contacting us. Each case is very different so the best thing to do is attend the free Temporary Restraining Order Workshop which is held each week on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 8:30am-12pm at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse. The address is 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, CA. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line for additional resources.

After reading your definitions of the different types of abusive relationships I believe that 3 of them are present in my own relationship with my husband and our two children. Financial,
Spiritual, and verbal abuse. The biggest obstical in me getting out is the financial side. I have little to no access to any of our finances. I’m often denied the chance even to purchase basic necessities for myself and our kids until he decides to go and by them later usually after going without for several days. He refuses to let me get a job as he wants me to watch our kids while he works full time and when he is home he wants me to be home. One of my children is already in school and my other one will be going into pre k this year so that will free up roughly 4 hours a day for me to work despite his best efforts to prevent me. I do not believe I will be able to obtain a job to make enough money to support myself on a max of 15 hours a week as I will still be responsible for picking up and taking the kids to school daily. What would you suggest I do here? If I file for divorce and I am forced to leave and take shelter do you have any idea how long it would take for me to be awarded some alamony or child support so I can afford to live and support my children on the weeks I have them? Any ideas on childcare or emergency low income housing help?

Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. I am sorry you are in this situation and would like to offer a couple of resources that may be useful for you at this time. WEAVE offers many free services including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. It may be beneficial to speak with our legal department regarding your divorce questions. You can access emergency shelter by calling our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate will be able to assist you with the screening process as well as with other resources. 
I am a 23 yr old single mother and I live in Texas. The father of my 10 month old son refuses to let me see my son. The only time he allowed me to see him was after 11pm he strictly wanted me to come to his house so I did. When I arrived he and his mother were outside waiting on me. They immediately asked for my car keys which I denied them. I picked up my son, cried and held him in the front seat of my car in his driveway. My keys and cell phone were both in the cup holder. His father had my passenger car door open and leaned into my car. His mother had my driver side door open leaning into my car. She grabbed my keys and cell phone and told me I wasn’t leaving with my son. I stood up holding my son and she then snatched my son from my arms and immediately handed my son to his father. I tried grabbing my keys but she held onto then. She then grabbed me by my hair so I defensively started waving my arms around. In the tussle the father grabbed and bruised my arms and shoved me against their brick garage. I took pictures of course. I got my keys which had fallen on the ground and left immediately. She still had my cell phone so I could not call the police. She also pressed assault charges on me for swinging my arms when she had me by my hair. They have also not responded to phone calls or messages in attempt to see my son and has not let me see him without a court order in the middle of our custody battle. Is there anything I can do? What charges can I press on his mother and my sons father for doing this to me?

Thank you for contacting us for support and resources. I am sorry you went through this. Since you are in Texas, it would be helpful to view this website http://www.courts.state.tx.us/oca/pdf/ProtectiveOrderKit-English.pdf and you can also contact the Family Violence Line in Texas at 1-800-374-4673. Additional resources that may be helpful are The Family Place in Dallas (214-941-1991), The Center Against Family Violence in El Paso (915-593-7300), SafePlace: DV and SA Survival Center in Austin (512-267-7233), and Mosaic Family Services in Dallas (214-823-4434). You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 1-866-920-2952 for additional resources. 

My 14 year old sister-in-law is being mentally and emotionally abused. Would my fiance and I have the right to stop the mother from leaving our home with her in NY? The Mother is also legally disabled and the 14 year old child is her caregiver. Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. I am sorry that your sister-in-law is experiencing this. Since she is a minor, the best thing to do is to contact your local Child Protective Services Agency to make a report, seek clarification, and understand your options. If the Mother is also being abused then you can call the local Adult Protective Services as well since she is disabled. It may be helpful to contact us on our 24 hour Support and information Line at 916-920-2952 or toll free at 866-920-2952 for additional resources. 

I need to know where I can get a dissolution of marriage (divorce) packet for free in South Sacramento?
I have no cash to print it off at the library and no access to a printer.
I’m leaving a emotionally abusive relationship and want to file immediately.
Where can I get the packet? Thanks.


Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information. Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the Courthouse no longer carries any forms for free apart from the DV packets. You may be able to get the first set of dissolution paperwork at the self help center, but only after an appointment. Additionally, the copying costs for additional copies that are required for filing, will need to be borne by the person requesting assistance. There is a fee associated with filing for a divorce, unless you qualify for a fee waiver. The fee waiver forms are available for free in Room 100 at the Sacramento Family Courthouse. All of these forms are available for free at our dissolution workshops. WEAVE’s dissolution workshop is on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30-7:30pm and the 4th Thursday of the month from 3-5pm at 1900 K Street. For more information about this service and/or other resources, please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.
 
I am in a violent situation. My boyfriend, the father of my one year old son, yells and throws things at me. He mentally abuses me. He has pushed me twice and once kicked me. He threw a kiddy pool filled with ice cold water on my head. When I try to leave he grabs my son and my car keys and will not give me either. I am on felony probation. He tells me I will never get my son because I am on probation. I am trying to find out what my rights as a mother are. I am scared his temper will keep escalating. Could I take him without violating probation? Is it illegal for me to take my son aginst his fathers wishes? I am sorry you are in a violent situation and commend you for seeking out your rights and options. Since each situation is very different and has unique needs, it would be best to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to discuss the details of your immediate needs. A Support Line Advocate is available to listen to you and provide you with the most meaningful resources for your specific situation. You are also welcome to attend a free triage session at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesday from 4-7pm.
I have a boyfriend that throws things, pushes me, has kicked me once, and verbly assaults me. Once, he poured a whole pool on me. Needless to say he has anger issues. I just need to know my rights as a mother of our 14 month old. I am on probation for a felony and he tells me that I could never get custody of him because of this. He takes my keys and the baby everytime I have tried to leave. What can I legaly do as the baby’s mother to leave him? Good afternoon and thank you for reaching out to WEAVE for support and information. Your situation is not your fault and you are not alone in wanting to understand what you can do. WEAVE provides various services that may be helpful in understanding your rights and options. These services include Legal workshops, counseling, safe shelter, and other resources. You are welcome to access these services by either calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 or attending a free triage session during the hours of 10a-1pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays or 4p-7p on Wednesdays.

While using your services to obtain information and forms associated with a summary dissolution, several items became assocaited with child support; my paycheck and health benefits. 

What do you suggest individuals do so that this does not happen to them over and over again?


Good morning. First of all, thank you for contacting us for information and clarification. Our workshops are informational sessions to assist people in understanding the broad framework of the laws and what the process is. It is not attorney advice. We inform workshop attendees several times in the process to consult an attorney depending on their individual needs. 
If you want to understand why you have been impacted or if you want us to give other workshop attendees information, please let us know by contacting our support line at 916-920-2952 and we will look into either reviewing your case on a consult only basis or incorporate your suggestions if your experience can be generally applied to our clients. 
The forms that we provide in our workshops are mandatory forms with regard to starting a petition or following up with financial information that is mandatory in the dissolution process. 
I hope this helps and thank you for your follow up.
 
How do I get out of a violent relationship without getting hurt? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Escaping a violent relationship is different for each person and really needs to be based on the victims needs. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line Advocate can listen to your story and concerns and provide resources and options specific to your needs. Or, you are welcome to attend our free counseling traige on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street office.

I am 43 years old, with 2 boys. I am in a 5 year 2nd marriage. I have 2 kids of mine from the previous marriage. Because I had partial complex seizure and went through brain surgery in 2003, I have not been able to hold down any job passed the probation period! 
My current husband keeps putting me down and says I need psychological help, that I need to speak to my psychiatrist. Not only that, he keeps bringing the kids into all our fights, calling the kids into witness our fights and told them that I ‘need help!’ That’s the reason I send my kids away to my parents as much as I can.
I cannot afford to keep sending my kids away because my Ex husband will take them away from me even though he houses a girlfriend, her two kids and three foreign exchange kids over his house. 
I really miss my kids, and I don’t want to lose them; yet, I don’t want them to hate me if I bring them back home here.
Right now, between all my debts and housing and everything, I cannot afford to leave this relationship. However, we get into verbal fights every day! My friend said that verbal abuse will lead to physical abuse??? Can you please help?

I’m sorry that you are dealing with this and commend you for reaching out to us for support. It sounds like there are multiple barriers to you being able to leave this complex situation. WEAVE provides various services that may be useful to you during this time. These services include legal, counseling, safe emergency shelter, and referrals to other resources. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for detailed information on these services. 
Do you help men that are victims? Hello and thank you for contacting WEAVE. Your question is common and I am happy to inform you that yes we do provide services to men that are victims. I invite you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A support line advocate can listen, offer support, and provide information on the specific services you may be interested in.

I have a friend who is in a domestic violence situation. She says that no one will help her. She has been arrested and charged 4 times with domestic violence. Her husband beats himself up and then calls the cops and she gets arrested. She does not always tell the truyth and both are heavy drinkers. She blames me for calling the cops but I have never been home when the violence hapens so how can it be me? I guess I need some help to. I do not like being accussed.

Good morning and thank you for reaching out for information and support. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is a great resource. A support line advocate can provide you and your friend with local resources for counseling, legal services, safe shelter, and other services. WEAVE also has free triage sessions on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center.
My daughter was in a very abusive relationship. when she was pregnant with my grandson at 6 months he started beating her. I went over to their house because I didn’t hear from her for a few days and when I seen her I was really scared for her life and my grandchildren as well so I called the police and he was arrested. she is at my house now but I really don’t have the room for her and the 2 boys. she really needs some help dealing with all of the issues she is having regarding being abused. I was wondering if you had some type of housing referral for low income victims? Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and resources. WEAVE provides free counseling services, legal services, and emergency shelter for survivors of Domestic Violence. Your daughter can access these resources by calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line Advocate can also provide you with resources specific to your daughter and her children’s needs. 

I have been beaten by my girlfriend for months. I started the restraining order process but didnt follow through because I wasn’t on the lease and would have to move if I did. So I decided to wait it out until I had enough money to move out.Today she turned a knife on my son so I called police. I felt victimized by the officer more than my abuser. I was told all the things a victim fears they will hear when they call…why do you stay? Just go to a shelter (which isnt an option because I have an 18 yr old son and 2 cats), She’s entitled to be here too…and so on. I will never call the police again. He shamed me. Maybe they’ll listen when she finally puts me in the hospital or kills me.

I am sorry you experienced this when you were seeking help, safety, and support. Your concerns are valued and although you have an adult child and pets, there may still be some options for safety. It may be helpful to attend a free counseling triage session at our 1900 K Street center or call the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916-920-2952. Triage is available on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm. An advocate can assist you with your primary needs and provide resources.

Is this considered Domestic Violence?: I am observing this happen to a relative.
No physical violence to the best of my knowledge, but emotional abuse and a lot of angry behavior. The husband only complains angrily about what is wrong with the house, his wife, the kids, but never what is good. The kids are afraid of their dad and say they don’t like him and want to live somewhere he isn’t, or go on vacation without him. He yells about any behavior he doesn’t like and spanks very hard. It is a house of stepping on eggshells and being afraid of questioning anything. Other people observe this behavior and his temper too and once he was yelling so severely at the kids in a parking lot that someone called the police who later came to this home to question the husband and wife about it. He leaves for long periods (hours not days) when he is in a bad mood or something has upset him and he will put everyone including the little kids subject to the silence treatment for days. He hides the finances from the wife. He won’t let the wife go for an evening with girlfriends, comments on how she is dressing (“too sexy” but it never really is), and got them into tax trouble that she didn’t know about. I am very worried but the wife doesn’t seem to see this the way I do. She does get frustrated about it though.

Thank you for your inquiry regarding your relative. It is sometimes difficult to identify Domestic Violence. Domestic violence is about power and control and is a pattern of behavior. Forms of Domestic Violence include physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and sexual abuse. These can all range from subtle to severe. Often times a victim may not “see” the abuse for various reasons. The best thing you can do is listen, support, and provide information/resources. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to obtain resources specific to your relatives needs and/or give your relative the number so she can call when she is ready to seek support/services.
I have relocated from Oregon to Sacramento, CA because of an abusive relationship. With the help of my mother I am now here with her awaiting my daughter’s arrival as soon as school is out. I sent her to my sisters so that she was safe this past school year. I now remember why I left my mother when i was 15. I am almost feeling like I would rather be with my abuser than here with my mother who is also abusive emotionally, mentally, financially and very controlling. I am not wanting to bring my daughter here to this. All I want is for us to be together and to be safe and healthy. We miss each other terribly! I know nothing about California. I have left everything behind and everything familiar. I barely know where the grocery store is and that is only because my daughter and I went on a walk together just to have some quality time a couple of weekends ago. Is there anyone here that can help me with resources, shelters, employment?? I’m feeling like a little kid and almost like i need someone to hold my hand. It is a very helpless feeling. My abuser was recently released from jail. He has tried to contact me a couple of times with out success but now I am concerned because I don’t know of his whereabouts. At least when he was locked up I knew all was ok. Hello and thank you for contacting us for resources and support. You are brave for taking the steps toward safety for you and your daughters. It is normal to feel helpless and somewhat lost in this type of situation. But you are not alone and there are resources available. WEAVE provides free counseling, legal assistance, emergency shelter, and other support services. All of these can be accessed by calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. A Support Line Advocate will listen to you and assist with resources surrounding your needs. 
My husband gets in my face and threatens me so badly I cry every night. How do I leave? I have no one but my children. I am sorry you are in this situation and want you to know that it is not your fault and you are not alone. WEAVE provides free Domestic Violence counseling, legal services, emergency shelter, and other supportive services that may be useful during this time. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for specific details on either of these resources and/or other services you may need. 

My neighbor came to me last night asking to use my phone. Her live-in boyfriend took her phone when he left the house. She told me that he is beating her. She owns the home. She has asked him to leave. He won’t. She fears retaliation if she calls the police. How can I help her? Are there services available to help her? We live in Sacramento.
Thank you for taking the initiative to contact us for information for your neighbor. Being in a Domestic Violence situation is difficult and having someone like a neighbor there for support is vital to them seeking services when they are ready. WEAVE provides free counseling services, legal services, and 24 hour telephone support at 916-920-2952. It may be helpful for you to give your neighbor this number for her to call for support and information. A support line advocate can provide her specific referrals for housing questions regarding her home, legal referrals and instructions regarding a restraining order, and other useful resources.

My husband filed false domestic violence charges against me and is using this to keep my children.
 
I am sorry you are having to go through this. The best thing to do is contact our 24 hour Information and Support line. A Support Line Advocate can speak with you regarding your specific situation and provide you with the best resources and referrals. Our Legal Department may also be able to provide information and/or referrals once a legal assessment has been completed by the Support Line Advocate. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line number is 916-920-2952.
My exboyfriend physically assaulted me and I received 8 stitches on my fore head. I had a judge give an order of protection. His charge was assault 3. He can only see our daughter with a 3rd party. My daughter is 3 and has Autism and the routine has changed so much and she is not adjusting well. Last Friday he filed for sole custody.
Is there thing I should know to prepare myself? I am frantic. He is very short tempered and abusive.
Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. With regard to legal consultation, it is recommended that you call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for our legal department assessment process and workshop schedule.

On Saturday June 7th, I was fighting with my finance’s sister and it turned into us scuffling on the ground. Next thing I knew my head was being held and I was being punched in the face by her daughter who is over the age of eighteen more than 5 times (I lost count). We were on my property and after all said and done my glasses were broke and the left side of my face automatically swelled up and bruised and my right side was also bruised , Cops where called and the cops said this was not a domestic call and they can’t arrest her cause I’m not married to my fiance. It’s now Monday and I’m still in a lot of pain. I really would like to know my options and why the cops really could not arrest her when I was the one with blood, bruising, and swelling?

Hello and thank you for sending us a message with your questions. I am sorry you went through this over the weekend. We cannot advise on the reasons why the police officer did not arrest her, however, it may be helpful for you to contact the law enforcement agency which was dispatched and ask them for a copy of the report and ask them clarification questions. WEAVE services victims of Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence), Sexual Assault, and Human Trafficking. Since the altercation was with a non-intimate partner it wouldn’t be considered Domestic Violence. That doesn’t mean you were not assaulted, injured, or a victim though. It might be helpful to contact the District Attorney’s Victim Witness program at 916-874-5701 for additional resources on this topic. 

Can I get out of a lease because of domestic violence and fear of the abuser coming after me?

Good morning and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Your question is very common and an important. There are laws that landlords must follow when it comes to tenants and Domestic Violence. You can contact the Human Rights and Fair Housing Commission at 916-444-6903 or the Landlord/Tenant Assistance Line at 916-444-0178 for specifics on the law and how to go about dealing with your lease. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 
I had to relocate from Nevada to California due to being assaulted. The local VOC was only able to help me had I stayed in the area. Would WEAVE be able to assist me in searching for immediate, full time employment in the area? I saw you have assistance for vets, which I appreciate and will look into further. My life has been completely turned upside down from this and I am desperately trying to find a way to get back on my feet and start a new life. Hello and thank you for contacting us for resources and support. Yes, WEAVE offers counseling services for veterans. There is also a fabulous resource called Sacramento Veterans Resource Center and their phone number is 916-393-8387. They assist with several services including employment, housing, and supportive services. 
I need to know what I can do for a friend. Last night she was calling me because her boyfriend had grabbed her by the throat and slammed her to the ground. She just had a baby with special needs a couple of months ago. He keeps taking the baby away from her and refusing to give her the baby. She eventually was able to sneak out of the house with the baby through a window and then he called the police. I don’t know what he said to them, but she was hiding and called me. She was very scared. I do not drive so I told her to call the police and get them to give her a ride to my house or to take her and the baby to a shelter. But they refused to do either. All they would do was let her get a few things from the house but she had no place to go so she had to stay there. I’m extremely worried because I kept getting text messages that he was still doing the same things. She tried to call the police but he pinned her down and threatened her. Then he bit her, which I have a picture of. He started apologizing and wrote her a letter stating that if anything happened again he would give her a full custody and do anger management classes. She forgave him. She just turned 18 and he’s in his 20’s. He is much much larger than her and a lot more powerful. She’s extremely scared and doesn’t know what to do since he is the father of the child. There is also an issue with the roommate who has threatened her. I don’t know what to do so can you please help us? I am sorry that your friend is in this situation and commend you for reaching out for support. WEAVE provides counseling and legal services which may be beneficial resources for your friend. WEAVE also has a confidential shelter for qualifying victims. You or your friend are welcome to call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional information regarding these services and/or other resources.
I’m 50 years old and although I’ve been diagnosed with depression long ago I’ve only recently been diagnosed with PTSD, major anxiety, bi polar disorder and fibromyalgia. I’ve had bulemia since I was 16 and still have trouble with it although not nearly as bad. 

I don’t really know if I’m a victim of domestic violence but I believe so. My parents would fight endlessly and my father often physically assaulted my mother. One time he knocked her out and I yelled over her body that he had killed her. 

My depression and anxiety have worsened as I’ve gotten older and I always wonder why I would experience uncontrollable feelings and reactions. As a child I would slam doors, cry and scream trying to gain attention, and wanted to die as early as 8 years old. I lived in a cold climate and would go outside with wet hair, no socks or shoes wearing a tee shirt and shorts in the winter hoping I would get sick and die. I used to stare at the sun walking home from school hoping I’d go blind. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve heard more about the effects of children who grew up with domestic violence. My siblings used to send me down to break my parents fights up since I was the youngest. It worked the first couple of times as I would cry but after that it never made a difference and he’d do it in front of me.

My question is could all this continual suffering which I now feel I’m losing control of myself and have hit my boyfriend and took a knife to my own throat to get him to leave (he hasn’t hit me but can be verbally abusive when I get reactionary) be the result of what I experienced between my parents growing up? I wasn’t hit or beaten or even sexually abused and I feel ashamed for how I’ve been my whole adult life. Continual issues with my mother almost till her death (she was emotionally abusive after finally divorcing my father), trouble with colleagues at work and even friends. I feel I’m too judgemental and have no patience at all. I never had kids, double edged sword, maybe I would have learned unconditional love and grown – or maybe I wouldn’t have any tolerance for them. 

I’ve written to Dr. Phil for help multiple times over the years, tried countless psychiatrists and therapists to no avail. Can your organization help or is it more for victims of physical abuse?
Thank you for contacting us for support. I am sorry that you experienced this as a child and commend you for taking steps to seek support. The healing process is different for everyone but what you are currently feeling is normal. It may be helpful to share and work with a counselor.  WEAVE provides counseling services and these services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. 
two days to respond….what the heck! 8 phone calls and can not get through to anyone endless voice tree nonsense. Where is the help, I ask. People that are in abusive situations do not have time to write endless phone numbers down or keep calling back. Hello and thank you for contacting us regarding your concern. I am sorry you are not getting the response and resources you need. I would like to invite you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952. Staff is available to answer questions, listen, and provide information and resources. You are also welcome to file a formal complaint at our 1900 K Street location. Thank you.

I don’t like talking about it or thinking about what happened to me. But sometimes I have so many mixed emotions I tell my self it never happened. I am ashamed that he is my child’s dad. He’s currently in jail but not for that what he did to me. It happened two separate times and he told me that he was sorry and that he would never do it again. I don’t believe him and I plan on running far away from him, which means leaving my close family members. There are other things as well that happened to me when I was younger that made me feel so uncomfortable. My stepdad would rub my back and his hands would go on the side of my boobs and my butt. He would also watch pornography movies in the same room as me. He thought I was asleep because I kept my eyes closed. I told my sister several years later and she said it was nothing. I try to keep all this inside but I’m thinking something could be wrong. I have been very forgetful of where I put things or go in a different part of the room and not remember what I was doing. I have no friends and I don’t have family I can trust. I’m having trouble sleeping most of the time and have presure in my chest. How do I make all of this go away?

Thank you for contacting us for support. I am sorry that you have gone through this (both the past and present incidents) and that it is affecting you. It is important to keep in mind that you are not alone and what you are feeling is normal. It may be helpful to seek out counseling and legal services for support and guidance. WEAVE offers free counseling and legal services for victims. Feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for details about these services and/or other resources at 916-920-2952. 
I need help on getting out of an abusive relationship. It has been really bad in the last year and I just don’t know what to do. He keeps telling me he is going to move out but he doesn’t and he keeps hitting me. We own a home together and I am in a lot of debt because of him. We also have a teenage son together who does not know this abuse is going on. I need help and do not know what my next step is, I want to get out but I am scared of what he will do if I leave and take his son. He has threatened my life, my sons life and my parents life if I leave. Thank you for reaching out to us. I am sorry that you are in this situation. It is important to know that you are not alone and this is not your fault. WEAVE is here for support, including counseling, legal, and other services. It may be helpful for you to attend a free traige session at our 1900 K Street office. Triage is offered between the hours of 10-1pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and from 4-7pm on Wednesdays. You are also encouraged to contact us on our 24hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources specific to your needs. 
In 2012, I came into a relationship with a woman that has been in a domestic violence relationship. Its been 2 years and she still e-mails, texts, and calls him. She even lied to me and met up with him twice. The last time she was with him for 7 hours. What’s the chances she was intimate with him? What’s the chances and odds she will leave me and return to him? Good afternoon and thank you for your questions. While we do not know whether your partner was intimate with her former abuser and/or will return to him, it is important for you to communicate your concerns in a healthy way to your partner. Communication is the key factor and hopefully you are feeling empowered to address this with her.  Being supportive for eachother during this time will also create a positive atmosphere for communication. WEAVE offers counseling services and this may be beneficial during this time as well. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 for information about WEAVE services or additional resources. 
How much is too much? When the physical abuse is very rare but the mental is much more worse. The constant belittling, saying he has to come first and forcing for anal sex (the crying doesnt stop it). Is it not really abuse when its just words? I am sorry you are in this situation and praise you for reaching out to us for support. Non-physical abuse is just as much Domestic Violence and any non-consenting sexual act is Sexual Assault. From what you are explaining, you are a victim of both of these. WEAVE offers an abundance of services including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. You can get information for these services by calling our 24 hour Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952. Please feel free to call us anytime for a listening ear as well. 
I am 37 and live in Florida. My bf of 4 years mentally abuses me every day. From telling me I’m worthless and stupid to think for myself and it gets worse. For 3 1/2 yrs I’ve been dragged by my hair, slapped, choked, my nose busted to name a few. I am not allowed to have a job or money. We have a 2 year old daughter plus I have 2 sons that are 12 and 16. I can’t take it anymore. Tonight he told me since my cancer isn’t doing it I should just kill myself. He has me so depressed I cry myself to sleep almost every night. Help please I need advice. Thank you for reaching out for advice and support. You are not alone and you have made a huge step by asking for help. You and your children do not deserve to be abused. Reporting the abuse to law enforcement and filing for a temporary restraining order may give you some space and time to brainstorm a plan. Since you are in Florida, here are some resources in that state. Hope Family Services 914-755-6805, Family Life Center 386-437-3505, and The Haven of RCS 727-442-4128. You are also welcome to call our 24hour Support and Information Line toll free at 866-920-2952.
I have been married for almost 20 yrs. I have read a lot about emotional abuse and it seems that is what is happening to me. I live in fear of what is going to make him start on me. I want to leave but have no money, job, or anything else. I called the domestic violence hotline and they said basically unless you are being physically abused it is hard to get out. Can anyone please help me? I am sorry you are in this situation and admire you for reaching out for help. Domestic Violence includes emotional abuse and you are entitled to support regardless of whether the abuse is physical. WEAVE offers many services, including counseling, legal, and emergency shelter. You are welcome to attend triage at our 1900 K Street location Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10am-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We also offer 24 hour telephone support. The phone number for this is 916-920-2952. This 24 hour Support and Information Line is also the number you would call for shelter.
I’m trying to leave a bad relationship and move out of the area but can’t find home to rent. I am on SSI due to multi trams ptsd so I have income but I have bad rental history before this relationship. Good rental history at current place but bf has talked to landlord and tainted her view. Please help  

I am sorry you are in this situation. You can contact the Sacramento Housing and Redevelopment Agency (SHRA) at 916-444-9210 (www.shra.org). SHRA assists with affordable low-income housing, rentals, HCV housing choice vouchers (Section 8) and loans. They are helpful in Domestic Violence situations and are familiar with laws that protect victims. You may also contact our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources for emergency shelters and/or housing. 

My husband is due out of jail for domestic abuse..He has a son from a previous relationship & he is planning on getting in contact with the childs mother for access. He has had previous convictions of violence. I have got myself away from the situation but dont think he can be trusted with the child..Can social services stop him seeing the child because of the abuse? Good afternoon and thank you for contacting us. There are laws in place that extend to protecting children exposed to domestic violence. Social Services can intervene if the child is effected by the abuse and/or him seeing his father. Child Protective Services and/or Law Enforcement should be contacted to open an investigation and assess the safety of the child. You are welcome to contact us by calling our 24 hour information and support line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.
Is there any assistance for housing help for someone that has been threatened by a spouse in the process of divorce, and threatening to sell everything and not help out financially? Thank you for contacting us for information and support. You can contact our Legal services through our Information & Support Line at 916-920-2952. They are a wonderful resource and would be able to give you specific information and/or referrals based on your needs. Another resource is the Victim Witness Assistance Program and their phone number is 916-874-5701. They can assist with housing, legal, counseling, and other social services.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant. My husband of 14 years has a short temper. Normally it only involves loud yelling/bellowing, but about a week ago we were having a disagreement and he completely lost it. It should have just been normal husband/wife stuff – Me telling him I felt hurt about something, and him explaining himself and hopefully acknowledging my feelings. But he has trouble with me disagreeing with him. This time he blew up at me, and when I decided to retreat up the stairs, he came up behind me near the top of the stairs, and grabbed my hot mug of tea out of my hand (spilling tea all over the place). I’m not sure whether he was thinking about throwing it at me, but I was scared. Our son was sleeping upstairs and I didn’t want him to wake up with his yelling, so I convinced my husband to go downstairs but when we got down there he just kept screaming at me and then picked up a chair over his head, threw it in one direction, and then picked it up again and threw it at me. I was able to move aside quickly enough for the chair to miss me. Somehow I managed to get downstairs to our first floor and locked the door behind me, but he kept yelling and pounding on the door. I was afraid he’d find a key and get in. I called my neighbors, who are good friends. When they came over, he totally calmed down and acted concerned about me. I was so hysterical I was afraid I might go into labor. Anyway, I’m a mess. I can’t stop thinking about the incident, I can’t look at my husband the same way, I feel depressed, scared, upset. I told a friend about the incident, but he wasn’t the most appropriate person and I feel like I’ve been bugging him and that he thinks I’m a lunatic. I need to get more help with this. I saw my therapist last week, but he wasn’t very helpful. There’s no way I’m leaving my husband. There is way too much good about our relationship, but I’m feeling really traumatized right now. I don’t know how to get past this. Maybe part of the problem is I’m really hormonal. But I need to calm down. I can’t think straight. I’m so distracted and overwhelmed and ashamed of being this way – I’m checked out from life. What can I do to help myself cope?

I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a difficult situation and I commend you for reaching out for support. The feelings you are describing are normal and you are not alone in what you experiencing. Sometimes talking with a counselor that is knowledgeable about Domestic Violence can be helpful. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 or attend one of our free counseling triage sessions on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our downtown counseling center (1900 K Street).
My fiancee has severe anger issues and is willing to get help, but has no insurance. Is there any place in Carmichael where he can get help? It is comforting to hear that your fiance is willing to get the help he needs. There are anger management groups, counseling, and classes that he may benefit from. Changing Courses (916-332-5056) and Evergreen Counseling Center (916-487-0657) are two resources in your area. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for information on our services and/or additional resources.
My girlfriend beat me and I have filed a restraining order against her, including a temporary move out order. The problem is, the lease is in her name so she has gone to the office to tell them she is abandoning the apt. They are going to start an eviction. I need to find an apt for my son and I but will need deposit assistance. I only have one paycheck saved and a little over a week to find a new place. Are there local funds available for that sort of thing? Thank you for contacting us for support and information. WEAVE’s legal department is a great resource and they will be able to assist with understanding housing protections and laws. You can find out more about our legal services by calling our 24 hour Information and Support line at 916-920-2952. Another resource is the Victim Witness Program at the Sacramento District Attorney’s office if you are in Sacramento County at 916-874-5701. Sometimes they can assist with housing if qualified. Please feel free to contact us again if you need additional resources.  
I am fine and safe. My concern is for my new neighbor. Ever since they moved in I hear the boyfriend yelling and verbally abusing the girlfriend and her son. I live in a house with a fence 10 feet and two walls between our houses. That is how loud it is. If it were just a noisy event I would go over and politely ask them to be quiet after 10, but I do not want to deal with him either. I just heard yelling again, this time it was outside, when I looked to see what was going on I saw the boyfriend going down the street after her while yelling. That is all I could tell. He saw me watching when I looked out and he was returning to the house. I was not sure if this is something I should call 911 for or not? I am not being abused, but I am affected by someone’s abuse. Not sure what to do. I never seem to make eye contact with the girlfriend (I am a friendly neighbor by nature), so I don’t really have the opportunity to talk to her. I have not heard any obvious sign of physical abuse, just the screaming of mean condescending hurtful foul language – severe putdowns. Is this an unusual situation? Is there something I can/should do? this is very awkward and uncomfortable… Sometimes I feel like crying when I hear him yell at the sweet little 7 year old boy… I am sorry you are in this situation and thank you for seeking advise on how you can address it. Domestic violence includes non-physical acts, including putdowns, verbal and emotional abuse. Law enforcement is an option for both emergency situations (by calling 911) and non-emergency situations (sac PD 916-264-5471). An anonymous call can be made to Law enforcement and/or CPS. For additional information and resources feel free to contact our 24 hour Support and information Line at 916-920-2952.
How can I get help with getting out of a relationship that’s bad for me Please call our 24 hour Support and Information line for help with a safety plan and referrals. WEAVE may be able to provide safe shelter or provide with you other referrals. Our Support and Information Line may be reached by calling (916)920-2952.

My ex-husband beat me throughout our 14 yr marriage but mostly verbal. He had found out I was trying to leave so he stole our children by lying to the court saying I was an abuser.  It took me a year to get them back which during the year he abused our children and was up for child abuse charges but the DA dropped it saying there was not enough evidence. Then 2 months after we were divorced he beat me unconscious in my front yard. During the divorce I produced police reports where they would make him leave for beating me and produced pics of the abuse the children suffered but he is extremely well off. He got everything in the divorce.  I started noticing that the Judge is always going his way in Family Court that’s when I found out the his Lawyer actually helped put the Judge in office. When we got to court she did not give me a permanent restraining order- gave him back his visitation after he finishes his probation. My children are 19, 16, and 12 they do not want to see him.  They are very fearful of him. My ex also was shot in the head with a pistol when he was 11 yrs old and is very mentally unstable. I called the circuit judge he said there is a way for my kids not to have to visit him but that he legally could not tell me so my question is can you tell me how to legally get a restraining order and how to get out of the visitation legally? We have even moved 2 hrs away to be safe especially after him and his dad testified to stalking me every day. I am so very tired of being beaten! These past few months after we moved have been wonderful for me and my children but the visitation is going to start soon and I feel someone will not survive him either me or the children.

I am sorry that we are unable to provide legal answers or recommendations on this page. If you are a resident of Sacramento County our legal department may be able to assist you. If you live in Sacramento County and would like to know more about our legal services please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
Hello, my sister is living in or near Sacramento right now with her abusive boyfriend. They are transients, following the trail of his work, and last I heard they were living out of his car. The last time he called, though, he said he had “lost” her after she went to the hospital in an ambulance (she has bad kidney stones that need surgery). He wasn’t sure what hospital, etc, and now it’s been 3 days since we’ve heard from her. Despite their lifestyle choice, it is very unusual for her to go this long without contacting anybody in the family, especially her daughter, and especially after a trip to the hospital. I’ve called all the area hospitals and I don’t think she’s there (the ER’s don’t have any record of her). Her boyfriend has stopped answering his phone, too. He has a history of violence against women. We are worried that something has happened to her, but we don’t know what to do. We filed a missing persons report with the police but I don’t think anybody is doing anything about it, nobody seems to care. I live in Florida with my fiancé and so does the rest of our family. Despite all of her bad decisions, we still love her and are worried about her. I found this site doing a Google search, and thought I would give it a shot. Really any information at all will be helpful. I’m desperate. What can I do to find her? I am so sorry to hear that your sister is missing. It sounds like you have done everything that you can do right now. Because your sister is an adult the hospitals may not be able to tell you if she has been admitted. It may be helpful to continue to check in with law enforcement to let them know that you still have not had any word from your sister and your concerns that her boyfriend has been violent.

My daughter was recently assaulted by her now ex-boyfriend and this is not the first time and even while the baby is in my daughter’s arms. She called the Sheriff and was placed in jail until the parents bailed him out. She filed for permanent RO. He’s 5 day RO is up while my daughter awaits for the court regarding the RO and when he wThe abuser claimed his sister is FRIENDS with the DA.

ill be served. In the meantime, the ex-bf parents has taken home the baby from my daughter to see the father. While I am for parenting, in this case because of the abuser’s temper, a long with excessive drinking habit who did not care whether a 2 year old is present and witnessing the behavior and assault her father does to her mother worries me that my grand baby is now exposed to emotional abuse. In the State of California/Sacramento what are the chances of a woman victim getting full custody of a child to protect from an abuser when filing for RO. My daughter has now left the current place she shared with the ex-bf and has found a decent home for her and my grand baby. It is not her intention to take the baby away from her father but to protect herself and the baby until he gets help.

Unfortunately we are unable to provide legal advice over our message boards. Please contact our Support Line at (916)920-2952 and we can provide you information on how to connect to our legal services.

Can I ask for counseling for a domestic violence incident that happened over a year ago?
I was in a domestic partnership with the father of my children for 10 years. During the last two years of the relationship he became involved in some illegal activities and became more physical with me. I would find out about the things he was doing and confront him and ask him to stop and that would make him mad. I did things that I knew would probably make him mad like sometimes I would fight back and sometimes I would cry for him to stay home. But I knew what he was doing and I still stayed. He ended up going to jail on a domestic violence charge.
WEAVE does not require that the domestic violence be recent in order to receive counseling services. WEAVE provides individual and group counseling for survivors of domestic violence on a sliding scale fee. If you are interested in learning more about our counseling services and how to access services you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952
How do I get into shelter In order to access our confidential Safehouse you would need to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The Support Line Counselor will be able to assist you with a screening and if needed provide you with appropriate referrals. On average the screening may take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. It is necessary to call when you are safe to do so and the abusive partner is not at home during the time you call.
My wife and I have had some minor disagreements but were doing better I thought.Can you please offer some advice as to how I can move forward with my wife and continue our relationship? Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. From what you describe it may be helpful to reach out to your local community mental health office to see what resources they may have available to assist your family. For additional support you can also call your local domestic violence agency and if you do not know their number the National Domestic Violence Hotline will be able to refer you. Their number is
1-800-799-7233
Tengo 10 años con mi pareja no tengo amigas y siempre tengo que dejar la escuela me siento completamente sola no puedo ir a ningún lado sin el, controla mis llamadas, tengo miedo de dejarlo porque no tengo a nadie aquí que me ayude, trata a mi hija mayor de ignorante tengo miedo, no quiero perder a mis hijos ya que tengo gemelo tos de el; el es 16 años mayor que yo y siempre a vivido aquí en sacramento el es alcohólico, que puedo hacer. Gracias por tomando el tiempo de expresar su preocupación. WEAVE entiende su situación y usted no está sola. Nosotros ofrecemos programas que le puede ayudar basado en su situación. Ofrecemos consejería que se enfoca en ayudarle a hacer frente a la violencia doméstica. No sola mente le podemos ayudar a usted pero también podemos ofrecerle ayuda a su hija porque sabemos la repercusión que violencia doméstica tiene en los niños. También ofrecemos la línea de apoyo que esta ofrecida 24 horas al día donde puede obtener referencias, o si necesita apoyo durante su crisis. Además ofrecemos nuestro refugio de seguridad si decide escapar su situación y ofrecemos talleres legales que ayuda en la solicitud de divorcio, custodia de los hijos, y orden de restricción. Quiero enfatizar que no está sola y WEAVE puede ayudarle entender y educarla a romper este ciclo de abuso.
If you are being asked by CPS to go to WEAVE. What type of program do you need to do and how long is the program? WEAVE offers a 15 week group curriculum for individuals referred by CPS. The group is about 90 minutes in length and is held one time a week. To access the group you would need to attend a triage session. Triage is a free, walk-in session held at our 1900 K street office on Tue and Thur from 10am-1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm-7pm. We also have triage available in South Sacramento at 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. Triage is first come, first served and there are no children allowed. If you have any further questions regarding groups or triage please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
 How and where to file for restraining order longer than 5 days.
Where to seek affordable housing for my daughter and grand baby.
Recently, my 29 yo daughter confessed of discover her long time bf of cheating and fraudulently stole her social security to open multiple credit cards without her knowledge. She also confessed of his temper, verbal and physical abuse. But has gotten worst when my daughter finally decided to leave the relationship that he become worst and recently assaulted her in front of their 2yo. to a point were Police were called and picked him up and place in jail with 5 days restraining order. This evening the boyfriend’s parents bailed him out. How can my daughter file a temporary restraining order for longer than 5 days until she can figure out what she needs to do. I live an hour and half away from my daughter and am very worried.. i need help for my daughter and grand baby before he returns and make it worst for her and the baby
Thank you for contacting us with your questions. It may be helpful for her to contact the police department and ask for a Criminal protective order until she can apply for a restraining order with the Court.  Additionally, she can also call the DA’s office to find out if he is going to be charged. Victim Witness is also a helpful resource and they are with the DAs office. For additional information or support you can both call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.

 

My baby’s father threatens to kill me if I leave him, I don’t know what to do because I can’t afford child care or have any help with her also. I’m worried because he hits me and verbally abuse me everyday. What can I do? If it is safe, it may be good to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line when your partner is not home. If you call our Support Line at (916)920-2952 our counselors can go over a safety plan for you and your child. We can also discuss options for you including safe shelter. I am sorry that you are going through this and we would like to be able to help you. If calling is not an option please look over our website under the domestic violence section for safety plan information. Again, we are here to help you and have been able to help others who are concerned about income and child care
I think my husband is selling illegal drugs. I am afraid of him. We have had so many domestic disputes that if I say anything I will be hurt. Please help. I do not know what to do . He has hurt me numerous times physically that the cops were called. we have had restraining orders against each other. NOW THIS !!! I do not know what to do. I wanted a divorce for years but have been too threatened by him. I NEED HELP!!!! It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to see what legal services our legal department may be able to assist you with. The Support line will ask you some questions and refer you to our legal department for further assistance
Hi, I have 3 questions. Does WEAVE provide services for women who have been emotionally/verbally abused but not physically? Also, my husband’s never hit me but in the past few years there were times when he pressured me to have sex when I didn’t want to. I don’t know if that’s physical abuse.And, I keep hearing that “it takes 2 people to make marital problems” yet abuse is always 100% the fault of the abuser. Therapists in particular will often say, though, that there can’t be only one person at fault, it has to be both of us. Can someone comment on this? It’s very confusing! Thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. Yes, WEAVE provides counseling services and may also provide legal services depending on the situation. WEAVE does not require that there be physical abuse in order to receive help. Forcing you into sex would be considered sexual as well as physical abuse. It may be helpful to find a counselor who has experience working with domestic violence survivors and is trained in domestic violence counseling. At WEAVE our counselors understand that the responsibility for abuse rests with the abuser not the victim/survivor. If you would like more information regarding our services or would like to speak with a support line counselor our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be accessed by calling (916)920-2952. Thank you again for reaching out
My husband has been emotionally and physically abusive in the past. He says he wants a clean start and denies any type of abuse and has blamed me for any of his actions from the past. My question is he created a budget which I had already done, but it wasn’t to his satisfaction so he recreated one without any of my input. He told me that I am now only allowed $25 a week for gas and 13.2 miles a day. He said we have no choice in that. However, we have 4 children that I have to take to and from school, I go to school full time, we have doctor appointments, extra-curricular activities, and grocery shopping to do. 8 of those miles are already eaten up by me taking him to work and picking him up. He told me that he will be checking the mileage every day and if I cant follow the new rules then I need to leave. If money is tight, is this a reasonable request of him. We have a SUV that costs around $70 to fill up once a week. I do not do anything “fun” just the things that are needed to get done. It sounds like a very difficult situation and from what you describe it sounds like a controlling situation that would fall under both financial and emotional abuse. If you are feeling like it is not right it probably isnt. It also sounds like you tried to express your concerns to your husband. If you would like to get more information regarding domestic violence or just need someone to talk to you may call our 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952.
My best girlfriend is experiencing what I believe to be domestic violence. Her husband pushes her and puts his fist in her face as well as verbally abuses her non stop. He refuses to leave the apartment and she thinks that because his name is on the lease that she can’t get him out.
We live in NYC. Can she get a protective or restraining order against him?
Can you direct me to some legal services in our area please.
Thank you for taking the time to reach out for your friend. What you describe is domestic violence. Please contact the NY hotline for domestic violence for area referrals. Their number is 1-800-621-HOPE (4673). It is good that she feels safe telling you what is going on. 
hello, i am a criminal justice student at Sacramento City College and I am doing a research project on domestic violence and battered women’s syndrome. I need to reach out to an organization that helps women who are going through domestic violence and interview someone in charge to get a better understanding of what your organization does for these women. I was wondering how i can possibly set up an interview with someone, possibly a phone interview or even sit in at a meeting. Thank you for reaching out to us. We would be happy to help you with your project. The best way to connect with someone who can assist you would be to call our business office at (916) 448-2321 and ask to speak with someone in the Prevention and Education Department. They should be able to answer your questions. Good luck on your project 
My daughter is assaulting and bullying me and has stolen my 900 iPad and thousands of dollars since September . She just got out of jail. I’m handicapped. I don’t know what to do. My daughter has 6 kids her husband died while she was in jail she steals everything from me she’s 32 yrs old and has stolen approximately 15,000 since September I’m devastated. I’m handicapped she just shoved me 3 times blew my back out and stole my Toshiba iPad. . Please what should I do .I’m 54 she twice my size. Please any advice. I am so sorry that you are going through this, From what you have shared it would be best to contact our Support and Information Line so that they may complete a referral to our Legal Department. After the Legal Department receives your referral they will be able to connect with you to discuss available options. It may also be helpful to connect with victims compensation by calling Victim Witness at 916.874.5701. Victim Witness is located at 901 G Street, If you qualify for their services they may be able to assist you with the financial loss. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached anytime by calling (916) 849-1679
I am looking for resources for pets? I am hoping to escape my situation and I already have a place to go. Unfortunately I have 2 cats that cannot go with me and leaving them behind would not be safe for them. Are there any foster type organizations that could keep them until I am in my feet and in my own place? Thank you for any help you can offer. Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand that it can be difficult to leave an abusive home when you are worried about the welfare of your animals. Over the years WEAVE has worked with local shelters to advocate for animals to find safe shelter. It may be helpful to contact the SPCA at (916) 383-7387, the City Shelter at (916) 808-7387 or Red Rover at (916) 429-2457. Some shelters require that you be working with an agency but they should be able to provide you with additional resources if they are not able to offer your cats shelter. You may also call our Support Line at (916) 920-2952 should you need additional resources. 
My ex boyfriend would not leave me alone, he kept threatening me telling me to die over and over and calling my sister flipping out on her as well. I called the sheriff’s department and made a report they came to house and assured me that they told him if he ever contacted me a again he would be charged with menacing and stalking, well two weeks later he contacts me again and has never stopped calling my sister, so I contacted the sheriffs department last night and told them and made another report. I don’t think they did anything to him. The first time the police said they would go to his house and talk to him, and they didn’t they called him and just warned him. I’m afraid the police aren’t taking this seriously, and I am handicapped stuck out in the country with no phone or car. What do I do? My ex is really scaring me. Thank you for contacting us. It is good that you are contacting law enforcement even though he has not been arrested. It can be helpful to keep track of the calls that you and your sister are receiving from him. If possible it may be helpful to go to the court house to see if you and your sister can file for a restraining order. If your sister or someone else is able to transport you to the court they have classes to help apply for  a restraining order. If you would like to receive more information about the free classes at the court house or to create a personal safety plan please call our 24 hour support and information line. The Support line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952. 
Does WEAVE work with the district attorney in domestic violence cases? WEAVE is a non-profit, community-based organization that works with survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.  We partner with other organizations including the DA’s office in various capacities, in our efforts to combat domestic violence.  If you have a specific question regarding our services, please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
My son went to see his brother and my ex-wife’s boyfriend beat him up in the front yard he had just turned 18 and my son called the police to press charges and my son got arrested they lied and said my son started it but my son didn’t even hit the man but my son got punched in the face and ribs??? He was charged Disorderly conduct-fighting Assault – Intent /Reckless/injure both say M1 in the CL column what am I to expect my son has never been in trouble before
– 
Thank you for your post. You may need legal assistance to determine next steps.  The Sacramento County Bar Association offers a 30 minute lawyer consultation for $50. You can learn more about their services at their website http://www.sacbar.org
When I was 18, I was staying at my boyfriend’s. I was going to community college, my car had broken down, and their house was closest to the school. My boyfriend’s dad attempted to rape me. He was using force and threats. I was crying, told him not to rape me, and that I loved his son. He stopped, told me he loved me like his daughter, and not to tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone. About two weeks later he had me alone again and tried again with more force and threats…it only stopped because his other son came home early…didn’t see anything, didn’t see me, the dad told him we were planning my boyfriend’s birthday. That was 11 years ago. He is now my father in law…I married that boyfriend, his son, when I was 21. We have a 7 year old daughter. I worry about my daughter’s safety and mine still…from her grandfather and father (my husband)…is it too late or inadvisable to try to press charges? Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like a really scary situation. There are a couple of things that you can do. The first, you may call our Support Line at (916) 920-2952 and they can fill out a legal referral form and connect you with the Legal Department who can review your legal options with you. Second, the Support Line can also give you information regarding free sexual assault counseling at our Counseling Center. I am so sorry that you have had to live with this fear for the past 11 years. We are here to help you. 
Hi
I am a recently married & i am concerned that my wife is behaving erratically. During the last week, she has held my neck, & yesterday she slapped me many times. I was afraid of calling 911 because i was unable to think clearly at that time. She has also said that if i do not make her pregnant i am not allowed to visit places of recreation, service or spirituality. I am just scared to make the next move. What should i do ?
I am sorry that you are going through this. It does sound like the situation is escalating. Our website has some helpful information on safety planning that you might find will help you. We also have trained counselors on our 24 hour Support Line that can help you safety plan as well as look at safe housing options , including our Safehouse, if that is something that you are interested in. If she does become violent again and you are fearful of your safety it can be helpful to have a safety plan in place including calling 911. It is understandable that you were not able to call before as I am sure it was very scary and overwhelming. Our Support Line can be reached at (916) 920-2952. Anytime you call or look at our website it is best to do it when she is not around. 
I have been with the father of my kids for 10 years and every time I try to leave him he will break my phone, slash my tires, destroy all of my clothing, etc. I have put a restraining order on him, yet his friends still manage to come and re-slash my tires. I don’t have “proof” that it is him, thus nothing is being done by the police. Is there any way that I can make him stop and leave me and my kids alone? Thank you for contacting us regarding your situation. Even though the police have not been doing anything as you say, having a paper trail can be helpful. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support Line to see if there is anything our Legal Department may be able to assist you with. If you call the Support Line we may be able to provide you with some additional referrals and a safety plan. There is also something called the Safe At Home program that may be an option for you. 
My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive, he has made sure everything “we” own is in his name, and the only credit card in my name is maxed. He is a criminal justice major and knows the law inside and out, has a great job, is genius level smart and is manipulative. He has driven away all family and friends I have had, and cut all communication save my net, and that goes soon as well. He has threatened in a round about way, by telling me a “fantasy” he had, about kidnapping someone, raping and torturing them over a long period of time in a dungeon and then murdering them. And that he could get away with it. We have two kids… Four and Six. I cannot leave them behind, yet I have no education save high school, no support system, no friends or family to turn to, and I am terrified. Can I find help here, or because I have no proof should I just continue to hide my terror and protect them as best I can? I cannot do partial custody… I will NOT leave them with him. I do NOT trust him with them for if I go, they will pay the price… I am lost and alone. I have no proof. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and that you are feeling so alone. It sounds like a scary situation. The tactics that he is using sound very familiar regarding the financial abuse, threats, and isolation. On our website we have information regarding safety planning that could be helpful for you and your children. We do have a Safehouse that may be an option for you where we provide free safe shelter and help getting you back on your feet with case management and employment assistance. If you would like to speak with someone and get a better idea of what options may be available to you you may call our 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952 at a time when your husband is not home. We provide safe shelter and assistance to people who do not have physical proof of threats
I’ve been with the father of my kids for 14 years. We have a 13 year old, a 12 year old and an 11 year old child together, and at first everything was great. Over time, he’s become controlling, doesn’t allow me to work for fear that I’ll “sleep with anyone I talk to”. It’s been so bad he’s accused me of sleeping with my girlfriends, even my own brother. It was never physical violence, just verbal abuse until yesterday. He came home after drinking with his brothers and began arguing, which escalated to the point of him burning my lip with a cigarette and throttling me against the wall with our kids in the next room. He stopped and I called his brother to help and then my boyfriend told me to get out. I went and spent the night with his sister and the next day he came over and said we need to talk. I told him I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore, and that I don’t feel safe. He said I could go if I want but I can’t take my kids and if I do, he’ll leave and I’ll never see them again. I am not married to him, but everything we have right now is in his name and I don’t have anything but a computer and some clothes and little stuff like personal belongings. I don’t know what to do, what I should do, or what options are available to me? Right now I stayed home because I don’t want to lose my kids and I think he would do something like that. I am sorry that you are going through this. It must have been very scary. If you would like to know more information regarding a temporary restraining order, our legal program, safety planning, and safe shelter it may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. We have counselors available to answer your calls day and night. The number is (916) 920-2952. It would be important to call us when he is not home. We also have helpful information on our website regarding safety planning. 
My oldest son was raised in a home where his father abused me, until I left him when the kids were younger and then he lived with that father as a teen. I always worried about his temper. He now has a young family, a 2 month old son. I have seen his treatment of animals and have been concerned of the day he had children. He is very controlling. I had hoped the baby would change things. In every other act, he is a great kid, no drugs, steady job since he was 18 and has been promoted. He works in a white collar environment. My daughter told me that on Christmas, he had been playing happily with her two young children, six months and four years when suddenly without warning he snapped and threw/tossed the 4 yr old. When confronted he got out of control, said the baby had been kicking him all night and the four yr old had just spilled water on him from a zippy cup. The incident escalated further as they tried to get him to leave. He threatened to kill my son in law In a very violent manner. He yelled at his wife who was crying and tossed his baby with car seat into the backseat carelessly. While I have seen his temper, I have never seen him snap like this out of the blue without noticing his agitation first. Usually their are cues and he can be redirected. I wasn’t there so I only know my daughters story. How do I discuss this with him. I’m very concerned for the safety of his family and now I’m not able to have him over when the other children are at my home. It sounds like a very scary situation for your daughter in-law and grandchildren not to mention a very difficult position for you to be in. It may not be helpful to discuss the situation with him if there is potential for him to further escalate and become angry with you or his wife for telling you. Calling CPS or law enforcement may be helpful because they can do an investigation and take the responsibility to act away from you. You may also call our 24 hour Support Line and we can make a CPS report for you. Your daughter in law is also welcome to give us a call when he is not home and we can discuss a safety plan with her and other options. Our support line is answered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952
I need to leave my husband. I have no one no money how can I get help? The physical abuse isn’t daily like the verbal, can I get help? There are area resources including WEAVE that may be able to assist you with safe shelter. While WEAVE does not provide financial assistance we, like other domestic violence agencies, operate a safehouse shelter. If you are interested in the Safehouse or other referrals please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The number is (916) 920-2952
  I have a friend that is recently married and her husband seems to be turning into an abuser. She keeps saying she deserves what he’s doing to her and I was wondering if there was a way for me to get brochures or any information that a friend can have to present her with. We are concerned for her safety and want anything that can help us show her how he could possibly escalate and how she doesn’t deserve what she is getting. Thank you! Thank you for reaching out to us and wanting to find ways to support your friend. It may be helpful to have her come over to your place or another safe location and look over our website together. We have  a lot of helpful information online that can provide her with support on identifying the cycle of violence, forms of domestic violence, safety planning and area resources. She is also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. You are also welcome to call  the Support Line to get information and speak with someone about your concerns for your friend. 
I have been dating this guy for about a month. He calls and text me several times a day. He has had dv in a previous relationship. I just wonder can people change? He is willing to go to go to couple counseling It may be helpful to review the domestic violence page on our website as we have several helpful tools listed including red flags. If there is current domestic violence occurring in your relationship then couples counseling is not recommended. Clients who would like to receive couples counseling at our locations are assessed to determine if individual or couples counseling would be best. If you would like more information you are welcome to call our Support Line at (916)920-2952
I have a five-year-old son and a small dog. Are there any groups or organizations that could financially help us escape? I have nothing to my name. Not even a vehicle. We just don’t have the money to leave. Any information is appreciated. Thank you. Unfortunately I am not aware of any organization that provides financial assistance for relocating other than Victims of Crime Compensation. Victims of Crime Compensation (or Victim Witness) is an application process that requires a police report be filed. If this is something that you would like more information about they are located in each county through the District Attorneys office. If you would like to receive information regarding safe shelter you can call our Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. The Support Line can also give you some referrals that would be specific to your situation and the area you are wanting to relocate to.
I am in a domestic violence relationship I have 6 kids 3 by this person and I’m fed up with all of this. We got into an argument and his mom got into it and the next day his sister came over and put her  hands on me and the cops said they could not do anything about it.  I want to leave but I have nowhere to go , I really want to get out of here and  I need help It sounds like you are in a difficult situation. Many domestic violence organizations have safe shelter as part of their program. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for referrals and to review options that may be available to you and your children.  Our Support Line may be contacted at (916)920-2952 
if a woman was brought in from the hospital due to domestic violence and the case was dropped would they allow you to leave at your own free will and would the other half be able to contact her knowing
that the case was dropped
Survivors entering the Safehouse are allowed to leave the program at any time that they would like and are not required to stay any specific length of time. WEAVE is not allowed to inform anyone, including the partner, that they are at the Safehouse without written permission from the client. For confidentiality and safety, WEAVE does not release information to callers regarding any clients who may or may not be clients of WEAVE. 
Can I be directed to any support groups in the area

WEAVE offers a 15 week educational group on domestic violence.
The group may be accessed by attending a triage appointment at either our downtown or South Sacramento location. To find out more information regarding the triage times and other support groups offered in the Sacramento area please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952

My ex-boyfriend was incredibly abusive to me over the course of nearly three years. He was very psychologically and emotionally abusive towards me (and still is), and was also incredibly physically abusive. He tried to kill me a number of times, including trying to throw me into oncoming traffic, strangling me, trying to run me over with his truck 3 separate times, and beating me in the head as hard as he could – which resulted in brain damage and seizures. Because of the brain injury I suffered by his hand, I became unable to work. The abuse did not stop, and I eventually left right before his court date to save my life and save him from going to jail under the condition that he seek counseling and get help for his ways. He said that he would pay my rent and pay for the doctors that I need because of his abuse, but he didn’t. I became homeless because I still cannot work. I almost died from starvation, and so I reached out to him for money so that I could stay alive. He still messes with my head and lies to me (he swears that he doesn’t, but when he gets really mad, he admits to lying and says that I “make him do it”). He says that it is my fault that he calls me names and yells at me, even though I do not yell at him or call him names. He says I “disrespect” him because I do not always believe his lies (there is a lot of proof that he is dishonest, including his admissions of lying), so I deserve to be treated the way I make him treat me. I suffer from severe depression and suicidal thoughts (I have attempted suicide numerous times), and whenever I reach out to him when I am feeling suicidal, he calls me names and says no one will care if I do it and I “won’t get any f***ing pity” from him. He demands that I apologize for questioning him before he will give me any more money, and I do not want to go hungry and be without medical care, so I do as he says.
Today he demanded that I apologize and never question him again, so I lowered myself to the absolute bottom and apologized for making him abuse me and lie to me so that he would help me financially like he said he would. Then, he said that unless I come back to him and go to counseling with him, I will not get any more money from him. He says that even after he told a counselor that he repeatedly tried to murder me, the counselor told him that therapy would be “useless” unless I was there, too. He says that because I fought back a few times out of hundreds and that I threw a hairbrush at him once when he was cussing me out and calling me terrible names, that I am just as guilty and violent as he is and that he is not an abuser because I am the problem, and the cause of his abusive actions.
I tried showing him text from other sites about what a bad idea it would be for us to go to counseling together, and I have told him over and over and over that I am very afraid to be in the same room with him. I have also told him that I cannot leave here because it is the only place I can get the medical attention I need.
I do not know what help I am asking for, as I actually stumbled across this site on accident, but anything you could say or do to help me would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.

I am so glad that you found our website as it sounds like you are having a really difficult time. From what you describe it does not sound like it would be safe for you to attend couples counseling. Most therapists do an assessment to determine if there is a history of domestic violence or current domestic violence happening in the home. If the therapist determines that it would not be safe to do couples work, ethically they should refer you to individual therapy. It sounds like there is some real fear regarding finances and medical bills. If it is safe to call us, it may be helpful to speak with one of our Support Line counselors to see what options may be available to you. You may also call us if you would just like to talk as it can be helpful to have a listening ear on the other end of the phone. You are not to blame for his abuse and although it must have been very hard for you to have to apologize to him for him abusing you the reality is that you did what you had to do to survive. Please know that we are here to help and listen should you want to call us. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line is (916) 920-2952.
My common law husband lives here with myself my brother my brother/inlaw and his father he steals from us breaks our thing don’t put in on bills or rent or food. He does a few little yards maybe two a month but as soon as he gets his money he is gone till it’s gone not long all day or all day and night with his friends. He pushes me around curses us all like dogs takes whatever he wants I went to jail for three months cause I grabbed a kitchen knife and sticking it in his leg to get him off me. He had his knee in my throat and I could not breath so I got an assault charge and almost a 25 year sentence in prison and I’m scared I may end up back in jail cause he wont leave. I don’t have money for eviction. Police threaten to take me to jail with him when they come here but I’m not going to let him take my things or break them or hurt me I will protect myself the best way I can. I can’t leave cause I’m my brothers caretaker he is disabled. We take care of each other here all but him. We take care of him but he takes care of his friends and takes out food water hose whatever it all goes to his friends or ex-girlfriends and we are all tired of him and want him gone but don’t have the money what can I do Help. And while I was in jail he put my dog down sold my car, my mom’s jewelry, my Dad’s things also and they are deceased. Things that can’t be replaced but he won’t get help so we want him out what do we do we are all stressed out to the max everyday he starts trouble everyday sad huh but what can we do how can I get him out with no money This sounds like a very sad and stressful situation. Unfortunately we are not experts in tenant rights or home owner rights. If you rent your home I recommend calling your landlord for assistance and if you own your home I would talk to a legal representative and or lawyer to find out what your rights are in evicting someone. I am unsure if there is a cost to it. WEAVE does offer counseling, support, and legal workshops for issues regarding custody, restraining order hearings, and divorce/legal separations. If you are interesting in gaining more information on our services please call out 24/7 Support and information line at 916-920-2952.
I’ve been in a very complicated relationship with my kids father. I have two children. My children and I left him for 7 months and we finally talked; thought he was a “change” man and was willing to work things out with him. Unfortunately; when we were seperated I was doing great. I have full time job; I had a place I rent; I have a car. For that 7 month period he was on drugs; stole from his family; he was a wreck! And of course stupud me, we are together again; and now he’s very strict. He will not let me go anywhere unless he’s there. Going to my moms house a block down he wouldnt even let. He finally got a job now and helping me financially.. he threaten me that if I leave him again he’ll kill my family and hurt my friends. I do not feel safe or happy with this man anymore. I’m scared; for myself and my kids. I have everything I need; I just need to get away from him. I don’t want my family getting involve since he’s already threatened my family and friends. I need a place to stay and hide out. If I chose to move out and stay at a home shelter with my kids; I’m afraid I’ll have to give up my job; my car; my belongings. What do I do? I need help. It sounds like you are in a very scary situation. I don’t think it was stupid of you to believe that change was possible. It is very common that while in an abusive relationship the aggressor can be very persuasive when trying to get the other person back under their control. It is very natural to want to believe someone you love is ready and willing to change. There are domestic violence shelters that you can call to try and get into. WEAVE has a 24/7 support line you can call at 916-920-2952 that can give you some numbers to safehouses and or shelters that can help. They can also give you information on counseling resources as well as legal resources if needed. They can also help you safety plan. I would also recommend documenting dates and times and incidences when he has threatened you or your family and or hurt you. This can be important when filling for a restraining order if that is something you choose to do.
why does your company scam people saying you help victims when you dont? my mother was a victim of spousal assault, she was supported by her ex financially and when she called for help from you guys, you basically just referred her elsewhere? I think your company is horrible, you say you are here to help victims of violence and yet all you do is point to someone else when someone really needs help. You guys disgust me, you put up a caring front when you really don’t care about anything but taking money for donations towards services you say you offer but don’t I apologize that that has been your experience of our services. If you do have a complaint it can be helpful to call our office at 916-448-2321 and ask to talk with a Supervisor. If you would like details of the services we do offer you can call our Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 This line also gives resources and referrals if the need is outside of the scope of what WEAVE offers. Again I am sorry for your disappointment and feeling about our services I hope your Mother finds the services she needs.
I have been with my wife for over five years. We have been through a lot together. Over the last few years, I have felt a distance growing between us. I was hurt and I took it out on her. I said mean hurtful things. This drove her to the arms of another woman. She did not sleep with her, or intend to; however there was an emotional bond building and it was driving me crazy. I wanted proof that this was happening, or that it wasn’t. I needed to be able to set my mind at ease. When I found the proof, I was obviously very upset. I went into the bedroom and I tossed her Ipad onto the bed at her and it hit her leg. I kept asking her to show it to me, and she wouldn’t. I opened it up and asked her about it. (I was very escalated) At this point, I slapped her upside the back of the head. I have never done anything like this before in my life, and I do not want to be this person. I have been researching ways to improve my behavior and become the woman that she fell in love with. I have sworn not only to myself, but to her that I would never touch her again, but that doesn’t mend the trust that I have broken. My question is, is there anything I can do to try to make this better for her? I know it will never go away, and it will not go away over night. I know I need to fix my behavior and to pay attention to her. I know that I need to give her time and space to process everything. I bought her flowers the other day, and a new pair of shoes that she has been wanting and her favorite candy. I have been talking with her openly about everything. I have been trying to give her space, but also be there for her so that she knows that I do care. I have been watching how I speak very very carefully. I offered to go to counseling and participate in a DV class, but she doesn’t seem to want that. This just doesn’t feel like enough. I know that I am a disgusting person, so please do not pass judgment on me. It sounds like you are invested in staying in the relationship but it is important to recognize that your partner may not have the same level of interest, or intent, as you do.  You may consider seeking services for yourself and proceed from that point.  You may contact our Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 for referrals where you can obtain counseling services that will help support you in making choices about your relationship in the future.  It is also important for to refrain from referring to yourself in a negative way so you can begin to focus on a more positive future in, or out, of a relationship
Seven months ago I was arrested for domestic violence, the charge was corporal punishment on spose. The case never went to court, because I was able to prove and provide evidence that I was the victim, not the abuser. Although I have never been convicted of any crime, I am having difficulty getting finger print clearance through Livescan. This is preventing me from getting employment. The DA through the case out, because the Placer County Sheriff’s Department would have embarrassed itself over falsely arresting a victim not the abuser. Even so, this false arrest has cost a lot of money out of pocket, and it is still not over. What can I do.? Because this situation involves a legal matter, and in order for you to get accurate information, it is recommended that you contact an attorney for advice as to the best way to handle this matter. 
Are their relocation assistance for people…I am out of the abusive relationship but only the physical part.. WEAVE does not have the resources to offer relocation services.   Another option is to call the California Victim’s Compensation Program at 1-800-777-9229 for information regarding relocation services in California or they may direct you to a similar program in your area.  You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to talk to an advocate that can provide support and help in formulating a safety plan if needed.
he was drunk. I just wanted to get away from him. long story short. i say to him if he didnt get out my car. i would put those boys in his life. I told him ive been all th bs and hs, i was going to be. i went around to his side and opend the door thats when he gets out like a boxer and trys to hit me. i go around to the drivers side gets almost in, when he begin to slammed my leg in the door several times. and punches me upside my head. He could get 2-25. he wants me to drop charges. I say I will. But, I dont think he should get away with this. he is on record of doing this in another relationship. Thats why hes looking at so much ti In deciding whether or not to drop charges, you may want to ask yourself:  what is the likelihood he will make positive changes in his life that will eliminate the abuse from your relationship?  He may make promises but how much do his actions match his behaviors?  It appears he has a history of abusive behaviors in other relationships.  His actions were quite violent so it is very important for you to have a safety plan in place if you decide not to press charges and he is not incarcerated.   You may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak to an advocate that can help you formulate a plan and access other resources that will provide support and help keep you safe.
Caught my wife shooting Dilaudid into her arm this morning. Wanted to tear it out because my 2 boys were in the house. I’ve never hurt her but we have had arguments over money disappearing. Now I know why and where its gone. She’s done this before and She told me she quit. We lost 4 houses 3 cars to her wrecking them, 4 boats and a business making me over $500k a year Bankruptcy and foreclosures. I’m now just getting things straight with finances but money was missing again.I felt like killing her this morning and she knew it. Cops wouldn’t do anything when I found needles before so I din’t call them. There are NO rehabs around that take medicaid and I can’t afford to divorce her because she threatens to take the boys. DCF won’t do anything and If I call them, they will be taken away from both of us because she lies to them,
I’;m at a dead end
It appears that your wife’s drug problem has caused extensive damage to your family, not just financially but emotionally as well.  She may continue to use drugs so it will be up to you to keep your children safe.  You state your reports to DCF are not effective even though you feel your children are in an unsafe environment so it is important to make every effort to provide them with as much support as possible.  If you haven’t done so already, you may also contact a local NARC ANON meeting to get support for yourself and get more information on how to best support your children. 
I was in a verbally/physically abusive marriage for 8 years. In Dec 2010 I decided to leave him and take my kids with me. After 2 years, our divorce was finalized in November 2012. He still continues to harass me in text messages and emails. He calls me fat, sloppy, psycho, etc. He wont let me talk to my kids on the week that he has them, violating our court order. My kids have gone to therapy and have expressed they fear him because they have witnessed him beat their dog, he has covered my daughters mouth so she cant breathe more than once, and he encourages them to use bad words and play online games that glorifies shooting cops. Today he continued his harassment and bullying in texts to me and its really breaking me down. I am saddended that the court continues to disregard the safety of my children even after he has been mentally hospitalized 3 times, exposed himself to a child back in 2009, etc. I feel he wont stop. Please help me. It sounds like your ex has no regard for authority but it is important for you to document all the incidents where he is in direct violation of the court orders.  I know it is frustrating but you may need to be persistent in documenting and reporting the violations.  He may say hurtful things to you but remember it doesn’t mean they are true.  Also, another source of documentation is to report the abuse to your local Child Protective Services agency.   Our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 is available for support and information about our counseling services.
Me and my kids are being abused by my partner. I am scared to leave them home with her and scared to be home myself. I can’t afford the home we are in by myself and my kids are doing the best they ever have in the schools i have them in. I need help I dont know what to to do, where to go, we cry every day and I keep telling them its going to get better and be ok. but its not its getting worse and worse everyday. I truly am despreat for help please can anyone help me. we live in elk grove my kids are 12 and 14. please help us. As in all domestic violence situations, safety must be a priority.  You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 where you will be able to talk to an advocate to help you formulate a safety plan for you and your children.  An advocate will be able to discuss what options are available to you and how to best implement them to meet your needs.  It sounds like you are being very supportive to your children but it is also important for you to get emotional support for yourself as well.  You may also contact your children’s school counselor’s to discuss what services are available to them at school.
I have a very abusive adult son (23) who has threatened to ruin my life, and I am a disabled single mother. He is a good college student but a very angry monster at home. What can I do to get help or counsel? Although you are definitely experiencing abuse from your son, it is not considered intimate partner violence.  Many of the same dynamics are likely similar to an abusive situation, i.e., he is primarily focused on maintaining power and control in the relationship through such means as emotional and financial abuse or even physical abuse.   Because you state you are a disabled adult, it would be beneficial for you to contact your local Adult Protective Services to report the abuse.  They will also be able to provide information about services in your area that will help you deal with the abuse and you may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to talk to an advocate
Im not quit sure where to even start. ive been in a relationship with a verbally abusive man for the last 8 years. on September 5th we finally decided to break up. im having an extremely hard time dealing with the situation. I feel like ive lost every piece of me, I cant sleep, eating is a rare occasion, its almost impossible to go to work without just breaking down into tears. I cant seem to find any peace. all of my friends and family are trying to help but everything there telling me to do isn’t working. ive thought about trying to see a therapist, its a little expensive and out of reach and then I found this website. what do I do? I love this man with everything that I am and I no its time for me to let go I just cant seem to wrap my fingers around it. being without him, being alone. I need help. I am sorry for all that you must being going through. Relationships are often very complex and even though their was abuse in the relationship doesn’t mean there wasn’t also love.  Ending relationships especially long relationships can be very painful and difficult. Also sometimes verbal abuse can cause us to have low self-esteem making it hard to be without the abuser and or alone. I encourage you to be patient and caring to yourself, to find safe places to talk about what you’re going through whether it’s family, friends or counseling.  Grieving and healing from the verbal abuse as well as the end of that relationship can take time.  You can call WEAVE’s 24/7 Support and Information line if you are needing support and or resources. The number is 916-920-2952.
I am pregnant and being verbally abuse every day since we found out I was with a child, he kick me out of the house each time he gets mad and call me names. talk bad about me with he’s friends, make fun about my culture and treat me with the a soonest my baby born he will fight for full custody, so my question is if I leave can I refuse to see him and have full custody of my baby in a peaceful environment without the father?! I just want to have a healthy and joyful pregnancy.. thank you I am so sorry for what you must be going through it sounds very scary. WEAVE offers a Child Custody Information Workshop on October 2, 2013 at 5:30 p.m. at 1900 Kst Sacramento CA 95811. If you plan on attending please arrive 15 minutes early to register for the workshop.  The workshop will cover questions about child custody, visitation, jurisdiction, and what type of family law case can be opened based on the relationship of the parties.  You can also call WEAVE’s support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for support and resources as well as information on all of our on-going legal workshops.
My daughters ex keeps turning up at her house & when they argue he beats her up, trouble is she wont press charges, im worried about the safety of my daughter & 2yr old grandaughter, as a father & grandfather would  be able to press charges I am so sorry that sounds like an awful situation for your daughter/granddaughter as well as yourself. You can call your local Child Protective Services if you are concerned about the well being of your granddaughter. From there they can investigate the situation and hopefully give your daughter some resources that can help. It can also be helpful to call your local non-emergency police department number to find out what your options are as far as reporting the abuse. You can also give her WEAVE’s Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 for support and resources. She can also get information for our counseling services by calling that number.  I also suggest finding a support system for yourself it sounds like a very stressful and scary situation and I hope you don’t forget about taking care of yourself too.
 I and my boyfriend got in an argument that escalated into him yelling, leaving the room and punching a hole in the closet door. It is the first time this has ever happened in the two years that we have dated and after it happened we sat down peacefully and talked and were working it out. We love each other and would never hurt each other and want to stay together forever. I pushed emotionally and he lost it and walked away to take his frustration out. Our neighbors called the police who came in and said that he had to make a court appearance but won’t be arrested, but that the court will make it so that we cannot be together, which I would never want. How can i fight this and stay with him? I love him WEAVE cannot provide legal advice over the message board. I am not sure what the police were referring to in regards to whether or not you and your boyfriend can be together. It may be helpful to speak with a  counselor regarding how you are feeling about having to go to court. You may reach the Support Line at (916)920-2952. 
Hello I need help!!! I have a 2yr old daughter with an illegal woman and she assaulted me back in March she actually admitted to the police officer what she had done and she was about to get arrested and her other 2 kids were going to go to CPS and since she’s illegal she more than likely would of gotten deported because she has an order of deportation but since I felt bad I begged and pleaded with the officer not to take her to jail but that I did want to press charges on her. Well about a month after that incident she called the police saying I had put.my hands on her which I never did. I was arrested and thrown in jail and without any proof at all the judge put a 3-year restraining order on me and can’t see my daughter. I found out that she went to court on the charges from back in March and to this day no charges have been filed and they have proof she actually assaulted me she confessed to the police officer of what she.did.and they.have pictures of my stomach and she has also commented that if she were to go to jail she would take my kid and hers and disappear to Mexico. Please help me i don’t know what to do I have not seen my daughter in months and don’t want her mother to take her to Mexico and lose my baby girl. Should i call immigration or what should I do? Please help. Also in the charges she allegedly said I did- all they have is her word and nothing more I also have proof that she lied to the police about me hitting her. Also I was told that lying to an officer is another crime if this is true back in March when.she.assaulted me she called 911 and said I was the one who assaulted her but when the officer showed up she admitted that she lied and she was the aggressor  not me. How can i press charges because she needs to be in jail and might need some mental help? She is not right in the head please ease help me I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation.  We cannot offer any legal advice over the message board. WEAVE does have a legal line that you may contact to see if there are any legal services that WEAVE may be able to assist you with. The Legal Line is 319-4905. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding the domestic violence you experienced and the distress you feel regarding not being able to see your daughter you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We also offer counseling services in South Sacramento and midtown Sacramento. If you would like more information regarding the counseling services we provide please call the Support Line. 
I need help in my divorce case. I have not filed any paper work and my husband is very violent, emotionally abusive and cursing and threatening. I have 2 boys (8 and 5). Right now I am helpless and need counseling on how can i help myself and my case. He has threatened that he will take the kids to New Zealand where he will live with his family. I am scared to go home after work and my children sleep with me in the night. I am worried that his threats of taking the children will come true one day. He curses my sick mother every day and says he will make sure that i become bedridden and left alone. Before he had hit me and i called the cops. He has thrown and broken things in the house and now it is emotional and he verbally tortures me. He says he knows that he can’t touch me but he will use other means to hurt me. I am very scared at night because he is awake at night and walks in the house. I am so sorry, it sounds like you are having a really hard time right now. WEAVE provides free legal workshops for those interested in filing for divorce. The workshop is for individuals who live in Sacramento county and is held on the 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30pm-7:30pm and again on the 4th Thursday of the month from 3:00p-5:00 pm. We also have individual and group counseling available on a sliding scale fee. If you would like more information regarding counseling, safety planning, and community resources please give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
My friend had been with her domestic abuse/alcoholic BF. They cohabitate. He was arrested for beating her. She took him home when he was released. I feel I am wasting my time trying to speak with her. I have tried to explain abuse like this gets worse each incident. I feel I can’t speak to her anymore. My time is being wasted trying to speak with her. I feel it’s time to walk away. I cannot deal with listening to the ranting and screaming of this pos. I cannot help her. Am I doing the correct thing by walking away? Seeing someone you care about be abused is difficult. We have found that people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons and can lose a lot of friends and family along the way. It may be helpful to think about what your relationship would look like if you did not give her advice regarding her relationship. Sometimes it can be helpful to refer friends or family to us that way they know there are resources available to help them when and if they are ready to call. It may also be helpful for you to call our Support Line so that you can process how you are feeling. You can call our Support Line at (916)920-2952. Ultimately you are the one that knows your limits the best and what you can and cannot handle being around. 
Can I still do anything about my ex-partner used to beat me one day about two years ago he hit me so hard that he split my nose and blacked both eyes now I’ve got a scar across my nose , just wondering if I can do something about it now he’s left me I am not sure what the statute of limitations is but you can contact law enforcement to find out if it is too late to make a report. It may be too late to make a report but if you are interested in counseling services WEAVE offers individual and group counseling for domestic violence. For more information regarding counseling you can contact our 24 hour Support and information Line at (916)920-2952


My friend has been married to her husband for almost 18yrs- today he spit in her face and grabbed her face.  They have 2 kids together and her husband told her he was going to get kicked out if she didn’t give him her check.  What can she do?  Her mom is in Texas and told her she won’t help her if she doesn’t have her kids
 

There are resources to help your friend. WEAVE along with other domestic violence agencies have a safe house for women who are being battered.  It is unfortunate that her mother is not in apposition to help her move back to Texas. It could also be helpful for your friend to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor about how she is feeling.  Our Support Line can be reached at (916)920-2952.
I am in a marriage where my husband has a very short temper and takes his anger out on me occasionally. I am scared to leave because I have a two month old daughter with no place to go and no job. He also told me that he will take me to court if I ever decided to leave and take my daughter away from me, that he can provide things from her that i can not. He has two other daughters and he treats his children like angels but is abusive towards me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to press charges because his other daughters need him seeing their mom is in prison. What can I do and is what he is saying true?  I am sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. Abusive partners will use manipulation to keep their partner in the relationship. It sounds like your husband may be want to put your daughter in the middle of your argument. One option is going to the Family Courthouse on Polwer In on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays between 8:30 and 12pm to file fro a temporary restraining order. You may also call our 24 hour Support and information line if you would like to speak with someone who can provide you with emotional support,
What can be done to help niece get son that boyfriend would not let her have when he kicked her and the girls out of the apartment. They have lived together since March . The baby was 5 months old then.
Your niece is welcome to go to the Family Court House (if she lives in Sacramento) to file for a temporary restraining order. The Temporary Restraining Order Workshop is held at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays from 8:30a-12:00 pm. They are held in the SelfHelp Computer room. If you would like more information regarding the TRO workshop s you may call our Suppotr and Information Line at (916)920-2952
I need help. I  have a female friend who I care greatly about we dated once before and she went back to her ex who is abusive-  more mentally and verbal but there is some physical abuse.  She had a kid with him and recently she got back in touch with me and said she was leaving him for good and can be with me. She told him she was done and she wanted him gone. Well, he wouldn’t leave. She even told him she wanted to be with me then he found my phone number the other night and I and this guy got into it she begged nee to stop and tell him I will leave her alone before he went overboard. He tries the suicide card on her and everything now she won’t speak to me at all and told me to stay away from my own good and she loves me but it has to be like this to protect me and keep me and her safe but I know that won’t happen for her. I love this girl more than anything how can I help her? This guy has a child support warrant and she tried to turn him in and the police told her too bad. I have made it my new lives mission to get this guy away from her and I don’t know how Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you are doing and what is going on for you. It sounds like a really difficult situation without any easy answers. It may be helpful to remind yourself that you only have control over yourself and not someone else’s actions. It can be very difficult to see a loved in a violent situation. If you would like to process your feelings or just have a listening ear on the other side of the phone you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-252. For the police, it can be helpful to keep track of when they respond to a call and to ask for Badge #’s.
OK one night when coming home with my daughter my boyfriend was very angry and continued to cause a fight which I stupidly engaged in. After things got out of hand and we both became physical with each other I called the police which resulted in my boyfriend leaving my home. When the police arrived I informed them that he had access to my apartment and where I thought he would go when he left. I told the police I did not want to place any charges and that i just wanted my keys back so he could not return to my apartment. The officer laughed at me and told me it’s no longer my decision. The following day my boyfriend was escorted by police to get his belongings and from that point on we had a no contact order in place. It has been more than 2 months now and my daughter and I have had no attempts on his part or ours to continue any relationship with my ex however I have been informed by victim services that my ex has plead not guilty and that i will be subpoenaed into court… i never wanted to press charges and I don’t blame my ex for pleading not guilty, because He is a good person and i don’t think he should have this affect him for the rest of his life.  We brought out the worst in each other and neither of us have any desire of knowing the other. And i can only speak for myself but I’m sure he would agree that just like our relationship want this all behind us. So what I would like to know is how I make this just go away without having to go to court and without it resulting to either of us being charged. I am not an attorney so I cannot provide legal advice however when there is a crime such as domestic violence the State (or DA’s office) are the ones that can press charges. If you would like information regarding legal assistance and options regarding who may be able to assist you when you go to court you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. It sounds like this has been a difficult time for you and if you would like to speak with a counselor we are available 24/7.
My husband and I moved back in together after a 3 year separation. As soon as we were under the same roof again, he became angry all the time. He verbally abused our 7 year old and tore her shirt in a fit of rage. Several times he called me names in front of her using the worst language possible, following me around repeating the names over and over while I packed up my things to flee. (This happened on several occasions.) While we were out of town, I believe he urinated into a laundry basket of my clean, folded clothes. All of the clothes smell. He blamed the dog, but the dog is house trained and is smaller than the basket. At most if the dog did pee, he might hit a small corner of the clothes and not saturate the whole thing! I’m wondering what I can do legally. I am barely going to make rent this month because thankfully he just moved out. I don’t want our daughter spending unsupervised time with him because he is a horrible human being and doesn’t seem to care about how his outbursts affect her. Can I press charges against him? You can call the local police department and see if you can file a police report or incident report regarding recent fights. It may also be helpful to document any interactions you are having with him. If you are concerned about your safety or your daughter’s safety then a restraining order may be an option. If you would like more information regarding where to request a restraining order or on how to create a safety plan for you and your daughter you may call the 24 hour Support and Information Line. They can also provide you with some community resources that may be able to assist you financially with some of your utility bills to help save costs. Our Support and Information Line can be accessed by calling (916)920-2952.
My husband drinks every day, he always says he is going to stop, he has tried  to cut it by only drinking 3 nights a week, he gets mad and wants to argue, if I don’t want to stay up with him or I don’t want to have sex. I always stay quiet so I don’t say something that might make him more upset but that only makes it worse, in 3 different occasions he has woken up our daughter and taken her out of the room just to make me cry. I’m an illegal in this country and every time I tell him I’m going to call the cops on him he says that he would make sure they take me and I won’t see my daughter. I don’t work because I’m applying for the deferred action for childhood arrivals and for employment authorization, while this takes about 6-7 months I can no longer live like this I fear that one day this might just get out of hand, he has told me before he doesn’t love her, and I can have full custody but I’m still scared that he could get her. All I do now is just video tape our fights that show he has been drinking. But he mentally and emotionally hurts me.  I am so sorry that you are going through this and the threats of deportation must make it even more difficult. Abusive partners will use whatever scare tactics they know work in order to keep their partner in the relationship. There are community resources available to help individuals who are undocumented get the support that they need. At our Safehouse we provide services to survivors of domestic violence regardless of their immigration status. It may be scary to call the police but if you feel that you and your daughter are in danger it may be a safer option.  If you would like assistance in creating a safety plan and learning more about what resources may be available to you please give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
So if my ex/father of kids and I have been on and off for 5 years from 2004-2009 have had many issues of Domestic violence cases with kids involved. The kids and I had our struggles where we begged for his help and got nothing, say after the kids and I moved I got married and started living the all American dream. The father just appears up at your home he helps break my husband and I apart then took my kids over last Christmas break, agreed they be returned Jan 3 upon hunting and searching I find my kids go and try to pick them up get custody papers at my face and my kids screaming and torn from my arms. I returned my response with the exparte hearing request granted then which I lost custody. I hired an attorney to help and got the same result, to get my visits increased from 2 a month two every other weekend but joint legal custody. What is the options I have left and if so how to get there. I need serious help, my kids are my life as they always have been I feel like am slowly dying inside. I feel his goal is to see if I exceed my life’s and continuing to abuse me and our kids. he stops all communications with me until visit days, I have been a good hard working single mom who has done everything in my power to provide and seceded, to teach, and they are intelligent, to do all as a mom no matter if their dad was around or not. And this I alone accomplished with both kids. to have them taken with no help from our local courts or cops due to his close family friend as our judge. What can I do? This message board does not contain legal advice. If you are seeking legal advice, you may want to consult an attorney.

In general, a court has continuing jurisdiction over custody matters until the children are 18. “Continuing jurisdiction”
means the court has the authority to make orders about the children until they are adults. If you are seeking a change in custody, you can file a motion with the court that made your custody order to request this change.

A change in custody is called a “modification.” A “modification” requires a “change of circumstances.” A “change in circumstances” is typically something substantial that happens in the lives of the parents or the children that requires a change in the custody order. This may include: a change in the geographic resident of one or both parents, an incident of child aduse or domestic violence, or a significant change in the needs of the child.

If you are in Sacramento County, WEAVE offers a child custody workshop on the first Wednesday of the month, at 5:30 at the WEAVE midtown location, 1900 K street, Sacramento, 95814.

Your local court likely has a website and/or a self-help center. Theses resources may be helpful in learning how to file a motion in family court.
She got away from her abuser and moved to another state, and got a job and her own place in that state, but then she took him back and brought him to that state and her young kids don’t want their “dad” too hurt her anymore and they are scared. What can be done if the kids aren’t being hurt, but they see their mom hurt and they are scared?
He threatened to kill her and the kids at one point in time!
It sounds like you are really worried about the children’s wellbeing. Domestic violence can impact children in a number of ways even if they are not being physically hurt. Fighting in the home, hearing angry exchanges, and the fear that exists in a violent home can affect children’s sense of wellbeing, physical and emotional health. If you would like to speak with a counselor on the Support Line regarding your concerns and feelings you are welcoming to call us at (916)920-2952. We can help provide you with some support.
My daughter keeps taking back her live-in boyfriend of 2 yrs. who has a terrible temper, throws things, uses foul language in front of the two little boys ages 7 and 5, now the 5 yr. is using the language when things don’t go his way. The police have been called there 3xs over the past yr. I am worried about the kids and her, but she will not listen to anyone to get out of the situation. As a Grandma, what can I do, this is affecting the kids, her and all of us. We are taking care of the boys a lot, we want to but it is a lot of work; but we want them to be in a more stable home….she is also yelling back at the boyfriend and they are blaming the kids for their problems. What do I do? The pressure and the worry and the day to day having to watch and wait for when he might get angry again is almost unbearable and exhausting for everyone involved. He isn’t working and she is on Disability for Fibromyalgia; she says she can’t make it on her own and will not come to live with us. She and I are having a difficult time getting along anymore because of the situation….Any ideas are welcome….this isn’t good the kids…. Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like it is a very difficult situation and I can tell that you are very concerned about your daughter and grandchildren. It can be very taxing emotionally and physically to watch someone you care about be in an abusive relationship. Our Support Line is available for you to talk with a counselor about the challenges you are facing in trying to help your daughter and grandchildren. If you would like to call the Support Line, they can be reached 24 hours a day at (916)920-2952.
My wife flipped out yesterday screaming and yelling at me throwing punches kicking me and threatening to harm our unborn 7 month old…. Should I report it to the authorities anonymously in case it happens again ….she has a history of depression but has never gone that far before I am also afraid for my 6 year old Incase she flips at her … don’t know what to do Thank you for reaching out to ask for help. It sounds like it was a really scary situation and that you are concerned about the safety of your 6 year old and unborn child. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding a specific safety plan for you and your child you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. It is up to you if you would like to report the assault to CPS or law enforcement. Looking over our website can be helpful too in identifying a safety plan. If you call the Support Line they can help review options and resources with you.
My 18 year old daughter is a past victim of domestic violence and I am wondering if you can provide assistance with first and last month’s rent on an apartment here in Sacramento. She is currently in the care of the state of Oregon and they are ready to release her to me but not without a place to go. Her dad, the abuser, lives in Oregon and she has very vivid memories of her dad physically, mentally and sexually abusing her and the best option to get her away from him is to move her out of Oregon. Is there any assistance you can give me? Although she is 18 years old she is mentally and psychologically fragile so I need to get her out ASAP. Any assistance would be appreciated. Thanks! I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and the difficult situation you are both in. Unfortunately WEAVE does not provide relocation or rental assistance. Your daughter may qualify for Victims Compensation Services if a police report has been filed. It may be worth looking into by contacting the DA’s office where the crimes occurred. It must be difficult to not have your daughter with you. It sounds like she is currently in the care of individuals who have her best interests and safety in mind. If she is working with social workers, they may have additional resources that can be looked into for financial assistance in moving to Sacramento.
I was raped by my cousin from since I was 8yrs old he didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties, then I found out he was also raping my mother. Can i press charges against him? He’s admitted what he’s done and is now a member of the church surrounded by children.  What can I do now 20yrs later? I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. It must have been very frightening for you. I am not aware of the statute of limitations where you are from. In regards to him being around children, if you have concerns that other children are at risk you can file an anonymous report with child protective services. If you would like additional support regarding how the sexual abuse has impacted your life and would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
My husband punched me in the back of my head and face near my ear. My face near the ear is swelling and my head that he hit. My ear has pain too when I try touching it. To defend myself I tried hitting him back but couldn’t do much because he is way bigger and stronger than me. I was about to call 911 but he told me we could go both to jail because he said I hit him in the balls. If I call 911, CPS will keep the kids.My passport is expired and can’t really go home. Do I really have to let it go for now? I am sorry to hear that you are hurt. I am not sure if it is an option for you to see a doctor but it might be helpful just in case there is anything broken. Because we are not law enforcement, I cannot say if you would both be arrested if you had called the police after the fight. There is a lot of fear regarding CPS and police involvement and it’s understandable that you have questions about calling them for help. There are organizations available to help individuals with questions regarding their visas and passports. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support Line to speak with a counselor regarding available options, community resources, and safety planning our number is (916)920-2952.
my 4 year old daughter witnessed her father kick me and punch me in the face I called police arrested him, I’m pressing charges, I went to Family Court got full custody, restraining orders as well as child support and spousal support for a year. Now what do I do to help my 4 year old daughter deal with the absence of her father as well as the affect of him punching and kicking me has had on her. Sometimes it seems she’s afraid to leave my side as in if she is protecting me. How do I help my little girl? She’s so innocent and this is breaking her heart but I know I’ve done right and I know I’ve done the best thing I could do to keep her safe and protect her and now how do I help her mentally. I found a therapist to go see in two days. This happened to us 8 days ago am I missing anything??? First, I would like to say that I am sorry that you and your daughter
experienced such violence. It is great that you are seeking help
for your daughter. It can be scary for her for a while but having
another safe person to talk to can help in the long term. If you have
not already, it may be helpful for you to find someone to talk to for
your own emotional health. It sounds like you really care about your
daughter and want to get her the support that she needs to feel
better. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor we
are available on the Support and Information Line 24/7. The
Support Line can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again, it is
commendable that you are not hesitating on getting your daughter
additional support. 
My ex of 5 years has been abusive throughout of relationship. we’ve broke up and got back together so many times. This last time was the worst. Our daughters first birthday is coming up. Its been 20 days and I miss him. What’s wrong with me? Why do I always want him back even though he abuses me?

Thank you for reaching out to us for support. Domestic violencerelationships can be very confusing because a lot of times there is
some good mixed in with the bad. For many people they leave  an abusive relationship and return to an abusive relationship for many
reasons. It may be helpful to look over some of the resources we have available on our website including the cycle of violence. It may
help you to make more sense of your relationship and the patterns of good and bad times. If you would like to speak with a Support Line
counselor or if you think you would like to  come in for counseling WEAVE offers group counseling in addition to individual counseling.
Group counseling can be beneficial as you may find that others in the group share similar experiences and have similar questions. Our Support Line can be reached at(916)920-2952.

My parents fighting had gotten out of hand. I fear for my mother’s life. My father I don’t won’t to say that he’s abusive. But I guess that’s what you call it. They get in verbal fights and mama gets in his face and then daddy pushes her. But I cannot take this anymore. My father has run off most family we have. He’s does not care. He drinks every day and whenever he drinks he gets mean. Not to me or my brother just whenever he and mom fight he will throw things. He won’t leave I wish he would. But daddy makes most of the money and mama has a job too just less paying. That’s why we haven’t left. When we do leave after a fight I get so happy because this is the step to be away from him. And then she comes back. It must be very upsetting to see your parents fight. It can also be confusing to have to go back and forth. It sounds like you care a lot about both your parents. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships and money is a big reason. Parents sometimes do not understand the effect that domestic violence has on their children. It sounds like you are very observant and are aware of the conflicting feelings you have. It may be helpful to look over our website or call one of our counselor’s on the Support Line to review a safety plan and learn more about community referrals that may help you and your mother. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952. There is also a teen hotline answered by teenagers and specifically for teenagers. The Teen hotline can be accessed by calling 800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only). Your school might also have onsite counseling available that could be helpful in processing how you feel about what you are experiencing at home.
I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 19. i got pregnant and he would choke me and pin me to the bed bite me and pull my hair when we got in fights he always promised he never do it again so i stayed i had our baby he showed up to the delivery room high and then left me in the hospital the night she was born to go get high the day home from the hospital he threw me on the bed and then choked his mom. he got arrested this time we got a TPO now it’s a month after this and now i can remove the TPO and he’s begging me to do so and i don’t want to I’m afraid he will take her and run and there’s nothing i can do about it he’s not right in the head he’s crazy when i told him he was crazy he told me no its just some of his personalities are crazy but that doesn’t make him crazy , while we were being intimate he had me beg him to stop because it turned him on i guess i don’t know but he’s not right in the head and i don’t want him around our daughter i have no idea what to do i want to get custody but i don’t know where to start in Ohio. Also will this domestic violence charge give me the better chance of me getting her? I’m still in school I’m supposed to graduate in January and i don’t have a job but my parents buy her everything she needs I’m so afraid he’ll get her and he’ll end up hitting her too i just don’t know what to do. First, I am so sorry that happened to you. Being a new mother can be very challenging and having the added pressure of an abusive partner must be very difficult for you. Raising a new baby, completing school, and filing a TPO all takes a lot of strength and courage. Because we are based in California I would not be able to advise you of the laws or custody referrals in Ohio. The National Domestic Violence hotline is a great resource and they can help give you referrals specific to your area. Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). There are a number of behaviors you mention in your message that are concerning. You have every right to question what is best for you and your baby. It may be helpful to call the hotline so that you can speak with a counselor regarding your feelings and concerns. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you can help in deciding what is best for you regarding removing the TPO or maintaining it. Please know that you are not alone and we send safe thoughts and support to you and your infant. 
How much time does CPS have to respond to a case? My boyfriend and I got into a fight he beat me up pretty bad. In the event of our fight he also slapped and pulled my daughters hair which is 3 and half years old. I ended up having to stab the man to get to get my daughter and I to safety. CPS has not showed up at my house and I know when there’s a domestic violence situation they are required to show up at your house. So my question is, do we have a certain amount of time to act on the situation or do nothing at all. First, I am so sorry that happened to you and your daughter. It must have been a very upsetting experience. Unfortunately, I do not know how long CPS has to respond to a report or if they will follow-up with your case. It is up to you as to whether or not you would like to follow up with law enforcement or CPS. I do not know the specifics of what happened after the physical fight but if you are in need of support, safety planning, or information regarding domestic violence our website has helpful information. You can also call CPS to ask anonymous questions regarding their response time.
I have been with my husband for 11yr, married 2yr. Our daughter is 7 weeks old. I love them both, but I feel I have a duty to protect her; she is the most important person in the world to me. My husband loves her, feels the same. I don’t think he would ever hurt her. Sometimes we have ugly fights. My husband has a nasty temper and although he can go months without a problem, he can’t cope with stress, frustration, exhaustion, etc. when he feels overwhelmed he erupts like a volcano. Tonight, he was tired. He worked, I’m home on leave. We had company until 9, we were in good spirits. But the baby was cranky and he was unable to just go to bed. So then he was tired and frustrated. He says he was going to change our bed sheets as she peed on them during a diaper change. But he didn’t, and I finally put her to sleep only to find the sheets the same and him in bed (my side had the pee on it). I got mad and told him so and asked him to change the sheets. I don’t remember exactly what happened but I know he had an attitude and I got angrier. It escalated. I say, I was caring for the baby the least he could go was change the sheets. He scoffed and said caring for the baby? Barely. I got so angry I thought I was going to burst and I lay the now crying again baby gently in her co sleeper and left the room. He then says to the baby. “See your mother doesn’t care about you. That cunt.” I became irate. I marched back in and kind of yelled at him about name calling and talking trash to our daughter. I then picked her up and calmed her down. Sleeping I put her back but the fight continued because he didn’t apologize. He just told n’s to ’shut up, I’m tired’ or then he’d say he was sorry but he just sounded angry like he was hoping it would shut me up. But the fake apology just made me angrier. It felt so incredibly disrespectful, insult to injury. Anyway I don’t remember when but I kept rewording myself trying to get him to see that this can’t stand, that our baby can’t have this for a childhood. And then he snapped and stood up and x grabbed me and pushed me to the floor by my head. I skinned my knee a little on the carpet. Outrage burst out of me. I lost myself and yelled “I’m a mother” over and over and I grabbed his shirt, it tore. He yells ‘you tore my shirt’ I then felt terrified and cowered on the bed nearby. He left the room and for safety I shut the door. He punched his fist right through it. (He’s put holes in the side before so it was weakened. Then he got in his car and left. An hour later he came home and said he was sorry. I told him it wasn’t good enough, but when I pressed him for more (like real remorse) he got defensive, blamed me for ‘not knowing when to quit it’ and demanded to go to sleep. He’s on the couch. Tomorrow he’ll act like nothing happened. He’ll say he’s sorry again, and then things will be fine until… A week? 2? A month? 3 months? Until whenever it isn’t. I want to change the cycle. I hate to leave him. I am terrified of parenting alone. Money? I make good money but enough?? And I love him. 90% of the time he’s really loving. Every blue moon he flips out. I don’t think he’s trying to control me. He just can’t handle his feelings at times I think. But I don’t know what to do to keep out family together. Our baby can’t live like this though. That’s not an option, but I threaten my husband, change or divorce, change or whatever. Nothing changes. Introducing a new baby into the home can be a very exciting time in a couple’s life however, when there is a history of domestic violence it can also become a very stressful time. Research has shown that violence can escalate after a child is born. It sounds like you had a very difficult and scary night. Leaving a relationship is a very big decision and it sounds like you have a lot of questions and want to do what is best for you and your baby. It may be helpful for you to look over our website (when he is not home) to get more information on the cycle of violence and safety planning. You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to find out more about safety planning, community resources, and just to have a supportive person to talk to about your situation. You can reach the Support Line by calling (916)920-2952.
My daughter was a victim of abuse for 10 years. She is a physical and emotional wreck.Your organization was recommended by her attorney Sean Musgrove. How long does it take to be seen by someone in your organization? It has taken me a few months to convince her she needs help to recover. Thank you so much Thank you for reaching out to us to find help for your daughter. WEAVE offers various support services for survivors of domestic violence including legal and counseling services. If your daughter is interested in counseling services WEAVE offers individual and group counseling on a sliding scale fee for service. Triage counseling is the first step in getting counseling services. Triage appointments are offered at various times throughout the week. WEAVE offers triage counseling at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s and Thursdays from 10a-1p and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We have Spanish triage sessions on Thursdays from 10a-1pm.  We also offer triage services on Mondays in English and Spanish from 4p-7p at our South Sacramento location, 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823. Clients are asked to get there early in order to find parking and check in at reception. Appointments typically last for 30 minutes and are held on a first come, first served basis. At times there is a waitlist for counseling services however that typically is no longer than a month depending on your daughters availability for individual or group counseling. If you would like more information you may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
So where do I start off from?  Here I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years … Idk when the abuse started but it has to have been exactly almost two years that I been taking this. The reason why I Don’t leave is because I love him and because I believe in him I believe he can be a better person I see it in him I just know in reality he’s never going to change and when he does IF HE DOES it’ll be for someone else. See I’m there for him no matter what yet he still treats me bad idk why doesn’t he see I’m the only person he has? That’s one reason why I stay because he doesn’t have anybody, nowhere to go, and I don’t want him to be alone. He has cheated, lies constantly, and gets mad very easily most of the time it’s for dumb things. He has kicked, slapped, hit my head hard, punched my body except my face, I cry and cry and tell him to just stop but he only gets madder and hits me more. He expects me to be ok after all that and not to cry. We do have our good times. He makes me smile and laugh and we just have a good time like two best friends would but this whole getting hit, talking down on me, making me cry almost every day is killing me. It’s to the point where my actual heart hurts because it’s beating so fast feels like it’s going to pop out my chest. I know this can’t be good but I just can’t leave him :( do I have a mental problem ? Why am I still here? Thank you for reaching out to us with your question as I am sure many other people have the same questions—Why does he treat me this way? Why do I stay? Why is he nice sometimes and not all of the time? Is there something wrong with me? These are all very common and complex questions regarding domestic violence. People stay in abusive relationships for many reasons- including love, concern that the abusive partner will have nowhere to go, hopes that they will change. It makes it very confusing to love someone that hurts you. On our website we have information regarding the cycle of violence and the various forms of domestic violence. It may be helpful to look over our website at a safe time when he is not around. You are also more than welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to get support regarding your feelings, experience, and help with a safety plan (should you want one). Thank you again for reaching out to us and please know that the violence is not your fault and you are not alone.
Is there any way I can legally make my daughter leave an abusive husband? I am afraid he is going to kill her. I would be willing to have her declared incompetent to make her own decisions if it meant saving her life. I know this sounds extreme, but i feel so helpless and desperate Unfortunately I am unable to provide legal advice. WEAVE and the Family Courthouse offer workshops to assist individuals seeking a restraining order due to domestic violence. You are welcome to give your daughter our 24 hour Support and Information Line number, (916)920-2952 should she be interested in learning more about area resources and a safety plan. If you would like to call our Support Line to speak with a counselor to discuss how you are feeling regarding your fear for your daughter you are more than welcome to as it sounds like you are very worried about her safety.
The past couple of nights my brother has beaten me. Tonight he ended up in jail for hitting me because my mom called the cops. My brother was saying before we called the police that if we called them he would never speak to me or mom again. This is very difficult for us. It has always been my mom, my brother, and I. My brother is 18 and yes I know he needs to grow up but for the first time ever, our family has officially fallen apart. This is heart breaking for both my mom and I. My brother never used to be abusive until he met his girlfriend. It seems like in the past whenever he has thrown an outburst like this it’s always because of his girlfriend. What should I do? My brother has already told my mom that she was not welcome in his life. How can I fix this? How can I repair my family? It sounds like you are taking on the responsibility of trying to fix your brothers actions when he was the one being violent. Right now it may be helpful to focus on your own healing and how you feel regarding the events that took place. Without having all the information it sounds like it may not be safe to approach your brother regarding the violence or the actions that led up to the physical altercation. It may be helpful for you to speak with someone regarding how it feels for you to have this conflict within the family and the change in the relationship. Maybe after some time your brother will be able to get some tools that will help him express his anger and feelings in a non-abusive way. If you would like more information regarding resources that may be able to assist you and your mother you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
My husband twists my arms during a fight. When he’s yelling, i tell him to shut up and he gets so mad that he jumps behind me and twists my arms, shoves me, shakes me, throws my head down. He does not hit me. Is this considered domestic violence? If i tell my parents, they can’t/do not help me. Yes, what you are describing is domestic violence. A partner does not need to hit someone in order for it to be considered domestic violence. He is using physical force to hurt and scare you. I am sorry that your parents are not able to provide you with the support it sounds like you need. If you would like to speak with someone regarding a safety plan and options you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. It is advisable that you call when your husband is not home as that can increase the risk of violence and that way we can provide you with confidential referrals and support. Our website also has helpful information regarding different types of domestic violence, the cycle of violence, and safety planning.
I recently got out of an abusive relationship. I’ve been staying with my family while things get sorted out. While, home, I reconnected with an old friend/crush from high school. Is it too soon for me to think about dating someone else? What would you advise? That is difficult but important question. After leaving an abusive relationship it can feel good to get positive attention however having some time for yourself to heal and reflect on your relationship may be helpful in order to reconnect with yourself. WEAVE offers group counseling that goes over the cycle of violence in abusive relationships, healthy vs. unhealthy relationships, etc. that may be helpful to look into before starting a new relationship. If you would like more information regarding group counseling or process how you are feeling regarding starting a new relationship after recently leaving an abusive one you are welcome to call the Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.
My husband just screamed at me while in the car and said the following “I will commit suicide and you will suffer. I will make sure you suffer and are on the street. I will die and you will be the only one to suffer. You have tied my hands so I cannot do anything to you. But I will gather the courage to kill myself and you will pay for it. You will be on the street and I will watch you suffer. It’s a curse from me to you that you should suffer through my death”. All this in front of my twenty three month old baby and he was driving while saying this. I was scared so kept quite because if he did something with the car my baby would suffer through it. He has been giving me suicide threats for a long time when he finds me alone. I am so scared and I don’t know what to do. I and my baby are on his visa as dependents and I just don’t know where to go and what to do. I feel trapped and don’t know how I will be able to take care of my baby. Please help. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us as that sounds like a very scary situation for you. I am not sure if there is a time when he is not in the house with you but if so, you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor regarding your situation. The counselor can help you with a safety plan and provide you with some places that may be able to help you. WEAVE also has a safehouse that may be a safe option for you and your baby. WEAVE has been able to help callers who are dependent upon their spouse for their visa and WEAVE may be able to help you.  I am sorry to hear that you are going through this but please know that you can get information on our website that will help with safety as well as by calling our 24 hour hotline.
I have a house in Northern Nevada that I’m not currently using. Is there a need for people to temporarily provide a home for people in need of temporary shelter and if so, who would I contact? Because we are an agency based in Sacramento, CA we would most likely not be the best place to assist in advising you on how your property would be able to serve domestic violence clients seeking shelter. You may want to contact the National DV Hotline to see if there is a domestic violence agency near your vacant home. The Hotline may be able to give you some other referrals that may be an option for you.  Their number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
I was at work where I had this incident where this guy groped me from behind grabbing my waist so tight to where I had to pinch him to get him off while rubbing his penis across but butt with our clothes on. I contacted everyone I needed to contact and I was inform he was arrested, I gotten to work a few days later to find out the guy never went to jail he had a slap on the wrist and was no longer welcome to my place of employment. I want to know if this act was a battery act or is it called something else and what could I do about this situation to take it further? You can file a report with your local law enforcement agency. What he did was against the law and must have felt extremely violating. I am sorry your place of employment did not take it more seriously, that must have been even more upsetting. After making a law enforcement report you can look into possibly getting a restraining order which would be done at the family court house. Every ones healing process for sexual assault is different WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and information line if you need support and or information and resources. The number to the Support Line is 916-920-2952.
I need help helping my sister. She is young, and pregnant. She is very close to having her baby. She is currently staying with my grandmother because the babys father (who is addicted to meth) put a chainsaw to her stomach and threatened to kill her and the baby if she didn’t shut up. (She won’t admit it to the family, but she told my husband) I myself have heard him threaten to kill her and the baby if she tried to leave again when my sister butt dialed me and I heard her screaming Pleasejust let me go please and the line hung up. I thought he had killed her. He didn’t and she came home.. but she keeps leaving with him. putting herself and my future niece in danger. When they first got together she ran off to Alabama with him (we live in GA) and came home after she had to have a 4 hour surgery on her arm where he cut her. She told us that when she came home but now swears she did it herself punching through a glass window. My sister is not on drugs, she never has been, I dont understand how she can be with a guy like that.. our father was on drugs too.. but that should just keep us from men like that. Anyway, I’m worried about my sister.. but mostly my future neice. My sister is an adult WHO KEEPS PUTTING HERSELF IN THE SITUATION but my neice is a helpless baby who cant make a decision for herself. I’m terrified of him hurting her. I’m terrified of him getting angry on one of his binges and hurting the baby. He lives in a known meth house with his dad.. the baby cant live there. My gramz and I feel that my sister is going to go back with him when the baby is born because she keeps sneaking off with him for days at a time. I’m scared and I don’t know what I can do.. or the steps I can take to ensure my neice will be safe. Is this more of a legal question?
Subject:
This sounds like a very scary situation for your niece and family. You can call Child Protective Services if you feel like your niece is in danger, which it sounds like she is. The number to CPS for Sacramento County is 916-875-5437. I believe that you can file an anonymous report. If you would like us to file a report for you then you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you have concerns for her safety you may also call local law enforcement and ask that they do a welfare check. This sounds like a very stressful situation I encourage you to take care of yourself and find a safe person to talk to. It may be helpful to call the Teen hotline at (800) TLC-TEEN (852-8336) (toll-free in California only) – See more at: http://teenlineonline.org You can also text TEEN to 839863.
My husband is verbally and controlling abusive to me . I have been diagnosed with with a rare disorder and he carries the health insurance and etc. I have a check account but only when he puts money in it. I just moved from all my family in tx to virginia so I have no one and I know I can’t keep on. If I leave he will cancel my health insurance which I need badly so I don’t know what to do? It sounds like a very scary situation. It is not uncommon for victims to be isolated from family and or support. It is also common for abusers to maintain control by not allowing you access to money or keeping things you are in need of like medical cards, drivers licenses or passports. This could leave people feeling dependent and like they don’t have any options but to stay. When it is safe to do so I would encourage you to call your local domestic Violence center. If you do not know what that number is you can call the National Domestic Violence center at 1800-799-7233 and they can help you locate the closest center to you. WEAVE does offer a 24/7 support and information line that can provide support, information, and assistance with safety planning,  that number is 916-920-2952. I know this time can feel very scary but you are not alone and you are showing great courage in reaching out for help.
Hello,

My daughter has been in an abusive relationship (now marriage…same person) for approx 4 yrs now. He is not physically abusive but is in almost every other way.I have watched him gradually strip my daughter’s self esteem away. It has been heart wrenching for my husband and I to watch and has made us feel very helpless at times.He will undoubtedly do this to their children also. If not, at the very least, their marital example will show these precious girls what type of man to look for. One that is hateful, manipulative, angry, completely incapable of reason and insane.She left him once (along with her 2 babies) and he sweet talked her back home after just a few days of being gone. Once she arrived home utterly and completely emotionally spent, he told her that he’d just lied about all of the “nice” things he’d said and had just said them to get her back home. Even after him telling her that, she stayed there. I was furious and begged her to come back. She wouldn’t listen to me so I backed off about it. Now, months later, she and babies are here with my husband and I again. I am so glad that she has left. She has been away from him now for approx 3 weeks. His true colors have only intensified during this time. He is literally crazy… seems genuinely psychotic. He will tell her one thing one day in apparent “kindness” and then the very next morning tell her that he NEVER said that and he doesn’t know WHAT she is talking about. He is seriously off of his rocker. My daughter, for the most part, has maintained her respect by allowing him to see their girls whenever he wants and trying not to give him any hassle about that whatsoever. She knows that despite everything he really does love his girls. I do believe that he loves them, but still think that he is a very dangerous influence for them to be around as well as the fact that he is so unstable that his judgments in every day life decisions are just really really off. This, in my opinion, puts my precious grandbabies at risk/ danger. She, however, seems to overlook this. I believe in order to maintain peace so that he doesn’t go crazy and do who knows what. Try to get them taken away from her….run away with them?? As the days have gone on, my daughter’s head seems to be clearing more and more and she has begun to see just how genuinely messed up her husband really is. How desperately he needs Psychiatric help. However, day before yesterday after she picked her girls up from there…she talked to him on the phone. She asked him if he was starting to get sick (as his voice sounded funny). It was at that point, she said, that he completely lost all composure and started crying. The crying became totally uncontrollable. This is the very first time ever that she has heard him cry about anything. She said that it was very real and he was genuinely heartbroken. Even through his breakdown, he still couldn’t see clearly. He did say that he knows that he has been a bad husband and that he really misses their little family, etc., but that he just could not understand how she could “take” his children from him (he has said this over and again, all along). This episode has completely flipped her attitude towards him from one of disdain and shock to one of compassion, though she saaays she still sees his insanities and does not want to return to him until they’ve gotten alot of counseling and she sees alot of change in him. I hope that she really means this. Since this crying episode, she now is saying that she really is wondering if all of his insanities have been caused from the intense stress that he is experiencing as a result of her and the girls having left. I told her to remember back to being at home and to tell me if any of those insanities were there THEN. She said yes she sees that they were, in fact, there, but still wonders if the extremeness of how he’s acted since her having left is because of the stress. Scares me that she is starting to justify his behavior. I wonder if she even realizes that she is beginning to “excuse” him. Very frightening that she is somewhat dismissing these things. The entire time she’s been here she and I have had very open discussions about him and his crazy behaviors. She is not not allowing me to be free in my speech. She is defending him and not letting me say what I want to say. Not a good sign.If I could have MY way, he would be completely healed in the head and heart and that they WOULD be able to get back together and raise their precious girls together in a loving home. It is very VERY hard for me to ever see that happening, but with God all things are possible so I won’t give up hope, however I will continue to be a realist and look at this all with my eyes wide open.I fear that his crying and showing his emotion and hurt will cause her emotions to override her head and reasoning. I hope that this will not happen. She says that it won’t, however, as I said, she is now defensive about him. Is there anything that you recommend that I say to her or have her read, for eg.??Not sure what our role is, exactly, except to keep confronting her with the realities of what he has done in the past.Please feel free to give your input.
Thank you.
 

I know that it can be very painful to have a loved one in a domestic violent relationship. I would encourage you to find your support system so that you can take care of yourself during this very difficult time. WEAVE’s philosophy is one that empowers people to make the decisions that are right for them while giving them options/resources and reminding them that each person deserves a healthy respectful loving relationship.
It can be helpful to give your daughter some information for counseling for her and her children. WEAVE offers counseling, and legal services. You can get the details about all of our services by calling our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. The Support and Information can provide resources, information and support for you and or your daughter. If you suspect that your grandchildren are being abused or if they are witnessing abuse you can call your local Children’s Protective Services and make a report. It sounds like you are giving your daughter and your grandchildren a great deal of support and love.
I have a house in Northern Nevada that I’m not currently using. Is there a need for people to temporarily provide a home for people in need of temporary shelter and if so, who would I contact? I would contact the Domestic Violence center in your area to see if you can collaborate with them. If you do not know what agency that is you can call the National Domestic Violence center at 1800-799-7233 and they can get you that information. Thank you for being such a generous hearted person and for having the willingness to make this world a better place. Thank you.
My husband just screamed at me while in the car and said the following “I will commit suicide and you will suffer. I will make sure you suffer and are on the street. I will die and you will be the only one to suffer. You have tied my hands so I cannot do anything to you. But I will gather the courage to kill myself and you will pay for it. You will be on the street and I will watch you suffer. It’s a curse from me to you that you should suffer through my death”. All this in front of my twenty three month old baby and he was driving while saying this. I was scared so kept quite because if he did something with the car my baby would suffer through it. He has been giving mevsuicide threats for a long time when he finds me alone. I am so scared and I don’t know what to do. I and my baby are on his visa as dependents and I just don’t know where to go and what to do. I feel trapped and don’t know how I will b able to take care of my baby. Please help. I am so sorry you are going through such a scary situation. WEAVE does have a 24/7 Support and Information line that you can call at any time and talk to a live counselor to discuss your options. They can give you details about our counseling services, legal services, and information about our safehouse. They can also go over safety planning with you. The number to our Support and Information line is 916-920-2952. Of course you should definitely call 911 if you or your children are ever in immediate danger. Great job reaching out for help it can be really scary but just know you don’t have to do it alone.
I really hope somebody is reading this. right now my boyfriend and I just got into a huge fight That lead to me trying to harm myself. everything is always fault. when he asks me something i have to be very detailed but when its the other way around he won’t even tell me the whole story. for some reason I can’t let him go. I tell myself I don’t want this disrespect and abuse anymore but actions speak louder. I would rather try talkin out out problems or if not then just drop it all but he won’t. He will continue to be mad and lash out and threaten to leave me and when he does I try holding him to show him I don’t want him to leave and that I want us to work but he pushes me away and starts putting his hands on me. The thing he does now is dig his fingers into my skin till I can’t breathe. he even hit me so hard on the back of my head, I don’t have any more friends to tal kno which is why I am writing it here. I can go on & on about the way he treats me but it is too much. Somebody help me Great job in reaching out it I know it takes a lot of courage. While in a violent relationship victims often are very isolated from friends, family, and support. I know relationships are complicated and there can be a lot of back and forth because people want to believe the person they care about and believe that they will change. It can be very good to build up your support system. Counseling can be a great opportunity to have a safe person to talk to as well as help you with safety planning. WEAVE does offer counseling. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support
The man who is saying in my home is not a boyfriend, husband, or even a friend at this point. The history is long. I can’t detail it all. He is manipulative, a liar, a thief, and I fear his reaction to me telling him it’s REALLY time to leave based on the past interactions. He was supposed to stay for 2 weeks. It’s been 9 months. He has stolen from me, manages to get $ from me voluntarily, he is an addict; he has no place to live, no place to go. I fear that when it’s “time” (which was long ago), that he will feel he has nothing to lose and the repercussions will not be good. I’ve seen that familiar look, the fear/anger, he has threatened me emotionally, black mailed me. I know this sounds rather benign. A therapist is who I need to see. I had a bad childhood and have been involved in several “romantic” relationships that were abusive on some level or another. He is demeaning me emotionally and financially and taking my sanity…and the worst part is that I am allowing it. In the past he staked me, he terrorized past dark after finding him in my home uninvited. And even SINCE, I eventually accept his profuse apologies, and now I am in this situation–ALL my fault. But I feel hopeless and paralyzed. Angry. Ashamed. All entirely too familiar feelings. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. He has said that he will call the police on me, my parents, my friends, spewing lies and half-truths (just enough to make them believable) that he knows will affect me and my relationships negatively. I feel like a hostage in my own home and with a “man” who, again, has NOTHING to lose if I kick him out. He stays here paying no rent, no bills, has crashed two of my cars, uses my debit cards and becomes very angry when I have a meltdown which is fairly often. Because I can’t TAKE it. I know the obvious thing to do is to tell him to leave on a certain date and if he does not, call the police. There’s so much going on in my life and this is impeding and affecting progress in my life in every level. Am I trying to do that? So that I don’t have to evolve, change, climb out of the quick sand??? I think not. But a person told me, who isn’t privy to all of this, that I am sabotaging myself. I really don’t feel I am. Not on purpose. This is all very vague and I don’t expect a response…it’s too confusing to explain thoroughly and chronologically. And even psychologically. I am an adult and I feel not only like a child, but a piece of garbage who allows myself to be continually used and abused. I know my childhood was not my fault, of course. But past that…I mean, it begins with my very first boyfriend at 15 years old and there hasn’t been much time where I haven’t chosen men, romantically, not this a**hole, who don’t in some way, mimic what I went through as a kid. I do feel my outmoded coping mechanisms are in play here though. Sit down, give in, forgive”, “2 more weeks”, yes, fine, take it…yes, fine, this that that and this. I have to stop. I wouldn’t kill myself, not EVER. But I just wish I never existed to begin with. I swear to all that is that I am not at risk for harming myself. Only with negative self-talk and these toxic relationships. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us as it sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now at home. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support Line to speak with a counselor regarding options and resources. You mentioned that you may benefit from speaking with a counselor and we can refer you to our counseling services as well as other counseling services in the area. If you would like to call our Support Line you can reach us at (916)920-2952. Although the counselor will not be able to provide you with advice as to what you should do it can be helpful to get emotional support. Childhood trauma can affect future, adult relationships and speaking with a counselor may be able to assist you in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with the people in your life.
Hi I don’t really have anyone to talk to but I have been with my partner for one and a bit years, he started off so nice and kind but slowly signs have shown him getting worse and it’s gone from verbal abuse (nasty name calling) to threats (threatening to kick my teeth in if I don’t listen to him) and now it’s physical where he has gone crazy and smashed all my makeup hair straightener perfume everything and throw it all at me smashing around me then grabbing by the back of my neck and smashing me into the wall and pushing me kicking me and then smashing me in the back and left marks for a couple of days from just one hit… I don’t want it to get any worse and I really want to leave before I could get my head stomped in but the worst part is we have a 11 week old daughter and I never want him to touch her and for her sake I want to leave but make sure he can never take her away and never hurt us or come near us again but I don’t know who to do it and I have a signed lease with him that I cannot break… I’m only 18 years old thank you. Sounds like a really scary and difficult situation. There are resources available to help you that may be able to assist you in breaking your lease due to domestic violence. It sounds like the threats are serious and that you are scared for your safety and the safety of your daughter. If you would like to find out more information regarding available options and a safety plan you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor. You can reach a counselor by dialing (916)920-2952. You may also look under the domestic violence tab on our website for more information regarding safety planning and services. Thank you again for reaching out to let us know what you are experiencing. Please know that we are here to help and that you are not alone.
My sister in Folsom is in a very abusive situation. He is now taking the kids away to a hotel. Earlier today he slapped her and her son called 911. He told the police it was a joke. Twice he has called the police when they were fighting and said she had hit him and she has been charged with assaulting him. She has a problem with alcohol and today he gave her vodka and took videos of her and said she was drunk. She has been hit and emotionally abused by him and he is threatening to take the kids away from her. I am in the Bay Area and am not sure how to help. Thank you for taking the time to write to us as it sounds like a very difficult situation. If you are worried about the safety of the children you and their mom can call Folsom law enforcement and request a welfare check. You may also contact CPS if you feel that the children are in danger. The CPS reports can be made without the parents knowing who made the report. CPS can be contacted at (916)875-5473. You and your sister are welcome to call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to get more information regarding options and available resources.
I have restraining order against my husband, he abused me and I filed for divorce he disagreed about joint petition unless I will drop the restraining order. He wants annulment of marriage that was fraudulent. I refused to drop the restraining order I don’t feel safe unless I’m definitely divorced and everyone is away. We will have court hearing in 3 months .Can he accuse me of cheating? Or Can I prove he is cheating on me even when there is restraining order and we don’t live together 3 months now. WEAVE cannot offer legal advice through this message board. If you need legal advice, or believe your legal rights have been infringed, you may want to consult an attorney. California is a no-fault divorce state. Essentially this means that the court does not accept evidence as to which party is responsible for the end of the marital relationship. Related to this, a married person can obtain a divorce in California without agreement by the other party. The subject of fraud, particularly as applied to nullity is a complex legal issue. Specific, factual questions on this issue should be addressed by a qualified family law attorney.
If you live with an abuser that is mentally abusive can weave help you? You are more than welcome to call our 24-hour Support and Information at (916)920-2952 to get more information on how WEAVE may assist you. WEAVE considers emotional/mental abuse to be a form of domestic violence. We have legal resources, counseling services, and safe shelter that may be able to assist you. Please call us so that you can learn more about the resources WEAVE offers and whether or not they would be a fit for your particular situation
He has assaulted me three times during my pregnancy (wrestling me to the ground which resulted in a light bulb on a lamp smashing on my ear, and pinning me down to the bed twice and shaking me). He has also been punching walls and threatening to break my GHD hair straighteners which cost me a lot of money. What I don’t understand is how he can do this knowing I am carrying his child. I thought being pregnant would change him but he is as selfish as ever.  Thank you for taking the time to message us as it sounds like you are experiencing a very difficult time right now.  Research has found that violence can increase during pregnancy and after the baby is born as the abusive partner may become jealous of the time and energy spent on the infant. The abusive partner may become upset or feel that their status is threatened by the addition of the baby. It can be a very dangerous and volatile time in a relationship. If you would like more information and help developing a safety plan please look over our website as well as contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We are sorry to hear that you are going through this and please know that you are not alone.
Is it illegal for my husband to take sexually provocative pictures of me while I’m sleeping? I caught him sexting in Jan and told him i want a divorce, we have not been intimate for over a year, (i had health issues) live in separate bedrooms and separate lives. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult situation. Unfortunatley WEAVE cannot provide legal advice through our message board. If you believe your legal rights have been infringed  and you wish to pursue legal action, you may want to contact your local law enforcement agency and consult an attorney. Privacy rights and privacy issues are a complex area of law. WEAVE does not have the legal expertise to fully respond to your inquiry. We do have a 24/7 support and information line that can provide emotional support as well as resources and referrals. That number is 916-920-2952.
 I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and close to the end of our relationship he was being verbal abusive and eventually he hit me. I left right away to my parents’ house and my situation here is not stable.  Is there any way that this program can help me WEVAE offers different programs that may be of assistance to you. WEAVE has legal, housing and counseling resources depending upon the situation. If you would like to call our 24-hour Support and Information Line to discuss the details of your situation so that we can let you know what programs will best meet your needs. Our Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.
My marriage was at times abusive a few years ago. Both of us committed domestically violent tendencies since before we were married. We would yell at one another, use derogatory words, and hand bump the head twice. We both went to counseling. My spouse was recommended for anger management and did not go. It was suggested I go to domestic violence program at the first meeting, and I did, and successfully completed it voluntarily. Since then I have gone to counseling to better myself as a spouse and parent, whereas my significant other has not and refuses to do so. We finished a child custody battle, and I lost because I received voluntary treatment for DV and have not shown any tendencies since; yet my spouse received no repercussions for the behavior that still continues. My spouse continues to perpetrate proven lies to our children (even in front of professionals). I continue to receive E-mails that make me feel attacked and emotionally abused. What can I do?  It sounds like you may have more of a legal question that could best be answered by someone at the family court. It may be beneficial to contact your local family court office to determine what resources and options are available to you. If you would like to speak with someone for emotional support you may contact our 24-hour Support Line at (916)920-2952.
 My boyfriend beat mum up real bad there was blood everywhere. At the time we lived in my mum’s house. I thought i was going to die. When i managed to escape i ran to call my mum. Luckily she woke up as he got me and was strangling me. She didn’t go that mad at him or chuck him out. The next day my boyfriend got his son from another partner to mine. I couldn’t believe he could beat me up and bring his child to my mums and not worry he seen my messed up face. I had no confidence as it was. I was always flinching and scared it would happen again and my boyfriend would guilt trip me saying I’m outside police station I’ll hand myself in before you ring police and that he will lose his job and his son. Do i want that and for some reason i said no. 2 months on i struggle to get over it but i stayed with him then fell pregnant. I don’t believe in abortions so i kept the baby. My boyfriend started being so nice, doing everything for me. As soon as i was having her he changed did not care about me only the baby. Then we went home he began to control how i was with our baby i couldn’t do things my way as he’d start shouting and i got scared. Then when she turned 3 months i would rather put my foot down and argue and be scared to say i know what our baby wants so I’m doing it. He then slowly started getting violent again. Putting me down, we’d argue he threw a daughter’s pram, my phone a lot. Then my daughter was 3 and half months. I finally said we’re not going to work i don’t want to be with you. I sat there calmly as he was shouting then i said I’m sorry. But i don’t want to be with you. He hit the ceiling light it flew and smashed to pieces: the lamp shade, bulb, and the bit the bulb holds into. I went to bring police as i regretted never doing it before and knew right then he’ll never change he had anger problems. But now we also had our baby caught in the middle she was in pram next to him while it was happening as he was going to take her away from me. He then started grabbing i was getting scared crying screaming no, he hurt my arm so i handed my phone to him in case he really hurt me again. He then threw my phone at wall just past the pram. I knew then he didn’t even think twice if the phone hit our baby. I weirdly starting being nice so he’d think i was ok with him and i said I’d  think about giving him another chance so i knew he would go as he had work. I sat there ringing family and friends to get someone to be with me while i rang police but everyone was too busy and told me either don’t ring them as our daughter needs his dad just give him one more chance or ring them but i was too worried to in case the police didn’t think it was serious and I’m a bit anxious.  I was too nervous to do it all on my own. It’s been nearly 2 weeks since that happened. I haven’t gotten back with him. I let him see our daughter on his days off. I’m too worried to let him have her over night or all weekend as he wants. I’m now stuck where i feel so much regret for not ringing the police. And it’s like he’s getting away with treating women this way.

 

It sounds like it has been a difficult situation for you for a while. It can be hard to get the support you need from friends and family who do not understand the dynamics in a domestic violence relationship. It may be helpful to call the 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor and get emotional support.  If you would like to contact us please call (916)920-2952
About a year ago my ex physically assaulted me and threatened me. We were together for 3 years and have a kid together. He emotionally was abusive constantly putting me down and telling me how no one would ever want me and how ugly i am. Even though i finally left the bad situation i still can’t seem to get over it. I am over him and have no feelings towards him of wanting him back but I’m not over what has happened (if that makes sense). I constantly remember everything negative he has said and i find it hard to move forward, the thought of dating another guy and even having him touch me scares and disgusts me. I was wondering if anyone else had had this problem and how they move past it since it has already been a year. It can take time to move on from an abusive relationship and the trauma you experienced. The healing time can look different for each person. Talking with a counselor may be helpful for you as you move forward with your life. A counselor can help not only process feelings but can help provide additional coping skills. If you would like to receive more information regarding WEAVE counseling or referrals within the community you are welcome to contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.
A man called WEAVE, a domestic violence service-provider, and was told WEAVE did not accept men.  This person and his daughter returned to their house and the violence continued. I am sorry to hear that this person was unable to receive shelter with WEAVE.  Each person who calls the Support Line to request shelter is given a screening.   If he has questions regarding his screening and why it was determined that we were not the appropriate placement for him he is welcome to call the Support Line to get clarity. We may also be able to provide him with additional referrals. Due to confidentiality we are unable to provide specifics on the message board.
If a client tells their therapist that their alcoholic husband shreds their clothes, would that fall under the category of mandatory reporting? Therapists are mandated to report suspected child abuse, elder, dependent adult abuse, threats to harm self or others.  It may be helpful to speak with your therapist about your concerns and questions regarding their mandates to report.
My husband does not want me to live in his house which he bought under his name. I love him very much and would want to move in the house which is in Massachusetts. Can i legally stay in the house even if he drives me out and threatens me to call the police if i do so? We are still married. Unfortunately we are not able to provide legal advice. It may be best to contact the family court house or an attorney in Massachusetts to get more information regarding your legal options.
He has assaulted me three times during my pregnancy (wrestling me to the ground which resulted in a light bulb on a lamp smashing on my ear, and pinning me down to the bed twice and shaking me). He has also been punching walls and threatening to break my GHD hair straighteners which cost me a lot of money. What I don’t understand is how he can do this knowing I am carrying his child. I thought being pregnant would change him but he is as selfish as ever. Thank you for taking the time to message us as it sounds like you are experiencing a very difficult time right now.  Research has found that violence can increase during pregnancy and after the baby is born as the abusive partner may become jealous of the time and energy spent on the infant. The abusive partner may become upset or feel that their status is threatened by the addition of the baby. It can be a very dangerous and volatile time in a relationship. If you would like more information and help developing a safety plan please look over our website as well as contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We are sorry to hear that you are going through this and please know that you are not alone.
I recently moved in with fiancée. About 1 month after I loved in, he just becomes angry all the time. The smallest thing can set him off. I feel like nothing I do or say is good enough for him. He often criticizes almost everything I do, the TV shows I watch, my curly hair, showing too emotion or affection. He’s constantly yelling. He has grabbed me, pushed me, shakes me, and punches the wall when I try talking to him. He doesn’t like me asking questions. Recently he told me he has had dreams of him putting me in the hospital. Whenever I do try to assert myself, he reminds me of his dreams. I don’t know what happened, how he became this way or what I did wrong. I’m not working right now so I rely on him. I just want to understand why he is this way. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us to share what is happening in your relationship. The change in behavior must be very scary and confusing. It may be helpful to look over our website and contact our 24-hour Support Line to find out more information about the cycle of violence and safety planning. A Support Line counselor can help review options for you and be a listening ear while you process what you are experiencing. For safety it would be best to review our website and call the Support Line when your fiancé is not home.  A Support Line counselor can be reached 24-hours a day by calling (916)920-2952.
Do you have a Safe house?
Does it cost Anything
WEAVE does have a safehouse for victims escaping domestic violence. There is no cost for staying in our safehouse. If someone was interested in coming into our safehouse the first step would be calling our support and information line at 916-920-2952 to do a safehouse screening
me and my daughters father into an argument and I had my mother come and get her before she woke up.well mpm called cps and she was taken from him and I, we have kept sober gone to all classes, but we are fighting again right as she is coming home due to him drinking again. can I still try and get her back? by myself and how? This would be a good question for your case worker from CPS. I would imagine it would be ok to try and get her back by yourself especially if he is drinking again and that would be putting your child in an unsafe environment. I would definitely let your case worker know so that they can support you in keeping your daughter safe. If you need any resources and or referrals you can call our support and information line at 916-920-2952.
My daughter’s boyfriend went off with my niece they were more like sisters so it really upset her but she’s had more trouble of them they’ve reported her to police for things there made up he’s hit her when nobody’s being there I was with her when he tried to bite her nose but she was scared to tell police but then he hit and spat at her and tried to choke her so then she told the police I was just wondering if he goes to court what sentence could he get just so she could sleep at night and her children wouldn’t be scared  For any questions regarding sentencing and legal questions I would suggest you call the District Attorney’s office at 874-5701. Another great resource while going through the court process is the  “Victim witness assistance center”  they can be a great source of support and they also help explain the court process and give you an idea on what to expect. Their number is 874-5701. I would suggest for her to get a restraining order for her and her kids if she feels unsafe.
If Im told not to come home and the locks are changed I call the police for help Yes you can call your local law enforcement agency to do a “standby” to assist in retrieving your belongings if that is something you want to do. I’m not sure the details of your situation so it hard to let you know what your options are but you can call our support and information line to talk with a counselor that can assist you in knowing what your options are. The number is 916-920-2952. The only thing I can suggest is that if your home is not a safe place right now to find a safe place to stay temporarily such as a friends or family member’s house until you can figure out what your next best option is. I’m sorry you are having to deal with such a stressful situation.
I don’t know if I’m in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend has never hit me before but he has pushed me once or twice and has grabbed my wrist a few times. Some times his anger gets so out of control he throws things, he gets very close to my face, and some times he backs me up against a wall from getting so close to me and yelling. I try to stay calm but nothing I say helps him, it only seems to make it worse. I feel like some times he tries to scare me like that on purpose. Is that abuse or does he just have a terrible temper? From what you’re describing that does sound like domestic violence. It sounds like an exhausting and scary relationship to be in and I am sorry you have had to be the subject of his abuse. We have a 24/7 support and information line you can call at 916-920-2952. This line has available counselors to talk to that can assist in safety planning and give you resources that can help your situation. For example counseling can be a great resource and give you a safe person to talk to about how your feeling. The support and information line can give you details about WEAVE’s counseling as well as other counseling referrals. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be in a safe relationship.
My boyfriends’ mother is a 66 year old woman who drinks heavily and is claiming that her husband kicked her a couple of days ago. She has been having extreme dizzy spells and has gone to her doctor for an MRI which shows nothing. She fell and hit her head last Thursday night and states she hit her head a couple of nights ago also and had a large loss of blood. She states that she woke up to lying on the floor with her husband (age 79) kicking her in the back and side… We went over there last evening to see what the situation felt like and she looked awful. She kept looking to him for him to tell her when she worked last, how many times she fell, etc. and while he appeared to be the caring husband something rang false with me.
The house is a huge mess (which I have never seen before) with baking soda all over areas of the carpet because the dogs have been urinating in the house and the husband is doing nothing to clean them up while the wife is ill.She doesn’t want to get him in any trouble and when I attempted to contact her doctor of Internal Medicine whom she just saw last Friday afternoon, I was told that as a non-family member they cannot allow me to send an e-mail or message on her behalf to her physician.What can I do on my part? My boyfriend seems hesitant to act as he has difficulty with his mothers’ drinking in believing her but I feel that she should be examined and asked questions privately by her doctor. Aren’t they legally obligated to report when they suspect physical abuse of some is going on?
  I am so sorry to hear that is going on for you and your boyfriend’s mom. You are correct that health care providers are mandated reporters of domestic violence as well as elder abuse. The violence you describe is both elder abuse and domestic violence due to her age. Elder abuse is for anyone ages 65 and over. If you would like to call Adult Protective Services to file a report their number is (916) 874-9377. I believe that you can file an anonymous report. If you would like us to file a report for you then you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. If you have concerns for her safety you may also call local law enforcement and ask that they do a welfare check.
I have no access to funds or a printer. I finally managed to get to the family court services court house. I got there only to be told that they NO longer provide copies of forms. So my question is where can I get a divorce packet for free? I dont need help filling it out. I just need the packet. Can anyone provide it or drop it off to me at work? WEAVE offers a divorce part 1 workshop twice a month for individuals who want to start a divorce in Sacramento County. At the workshop, you will learn how to prepare and file the initial paperwork to open a divorce case. The paperwork is made available to those who are participating in the workshop. The workshop is free.
WEAVE’s Divorce Part 1 Workshop.
Every 2nd Thursday of the month from 5:30p.m. to 7:30p.m.
Every 4th Thursday of the month from 3:00p.m. to 5:00p.m.
Both workshops are held at 1900 K street in Sacramento

The Family courthouse offers a workshop to help you prepare and file a domestic violence restraining order. The paperwork is made available to those participating in the workshop. This workshop is offered every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:30a.m. The family courthouse is located at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento.
You may wish to visit your local public library for internet access.
Keep in mind that the court process is a difficult one. It may require a significant time commitment as well as a significant emotional and financial investment.
 

when you go to a shelter for domestic violence what do you do about your lease and all of your belongings? We do not live together but he has kicked in almost every door and its not safe. Its getting worse and worse. I was just slammed on my stomach, pushed, and kicked and I am about 4 months pregnant. I have 3 children who have witnessed too much and I want to leave but I dont want to lose everything especially things that belonged to my son who passed away or my childrens things. This is already hard enough . I would hate for them to lose everything and things associated with good memories or that hold sentimental value. I know this may sound vain considering the circumstances but I just want to know. How does one plan for this or does it usually entail just walking away with nothing?`

Regarding your lease there is a law that allows victims to break their lease to escape violence. This law may protect you from being charged additional rent or fees once you move out. You would need a police report, restraining order, or an emergency protective order. To use this law you must notify your landlord in writing that you were a victim of domestic violence and you want to end your rental agreement. Be sure to date the notice. Here is a sample letter:
Dear (Lanlord’s name)
I am a tenant at (your address). I am a victim of domestic violence within the last 60 days. Pursuant to new changes to the California Civil Code, this is my 30 daynotice that I will end my rental agreement on _____________(enter a date 30 days from today).
I have enclosed (chose one) *cpy of my restraining order * or copy of a police report * showing that I was the victim of an act of domestic violence.
Sincerely,
(your name and address) As far as your belongings go I would make safe arrangements to get your stuff. You could call law enforcement and ask if they can do a “stand by” and be there while you pick up your stuff. It is important to get important documents and or belongings. You might want to consider a storage unit or a friends or relatives place if you do not have a place to go that has room for all of your belongings. It is not vain to want to ‘keep sake” important items especially your sons stuff that passed away. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this violence especially while pregnant. WEAVE has a support and information line that can help you safety plan, give you resources, as well as support you through this very difficult process. The number is 916-920-2952.

I’m wondering if my case is a case from Domestic Violence. It all started 10 years ago with bad words to offend me, he took me away from family and friends at first i didn’t see it wrong but now i can’t go out, can’t have friends and when i do talk to family members is to be arguing and I’m actually afraid of doing something to upset him. He hasn’t hit me only once and it was kind of my fault but he hasn’t hit me since. My children aren’t allow to go out neither once we know his coming home, we all come inside and we’re not allow to go to the backyard and if he finds out my kids we’re outside is to be fighting again . I want to leave but without anyone or a job or a car I don’t know what to do maybe i’m just exaggerating but please give some advise because I don’t think I can take it anymore specially when he comes drunk and wants to have sex I don’t say no because I don’t want to fight but I just can’t have sex with someone who just told me i’m worth nothing and then wants to have sex. I am sorry for what you must be going through. It must be so difficult to not have any support and to be dealing with this all alone. It is never ok for another person to hit you or have sex with you when you do not want to. It is not only not ok it’s against the law. If you are unsafe and need somewhere safe stay WEAVE does have a safe house when escaping a violent environment. If you wanted to start that process you would call our support and information line at 916-920-2952 to start the screening process. You can also call WEAVE’s support line to do safety planning whether you are staying or leaving. Our Support and Information line can also give you numbers to other shelters and resources as well as offer emotional support. I don’t feel like you are exagerating you deserve to be treated with respect and care and without control or abuse. Great job reaching out for help I encourage you to continue to do that.
I am a mom of 4 I have 2 100% and 2 for summer vacation. I have a DV restraining order and court on the 11 of july. I am not on the lease here and have to move. Im trying to move before hes able to come back. Are there any income based housing opportunities? Or would we have to stay in a shelter first? I need help and support! There are many resources that can be helpful in your situation. You can get them by calling our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952. The counselor on the phone can ask you specific questions so that you get the resource that is right for you. Counseling can also be a good support for you. WEAVE also has counseling, the support line can also give you details about accessing our counseling services.
what if both partners have some of the characteristics of domestic violence but yet they both blame the other partner ? Relationships can already be very complicated but if both parties are becoming violent then more important than who’s to blame is who is open to getting help. It can help for each person to go for individual counseling to have a safe place to talk about what’s going on for them and discuss how to have a healthy relationship.  Your welcome to call out 24/hour support and information line for support and information/resources the number is 916-920-2952.
How to help my step daughter stay a way from her boyfriend who keeps stateng her. She says i know ok we i will never talk to him again than 3 days later she is over there again now he wants her to move or of state It can be very difficult to support loved ones that are in a domestic violent relationship because we can not make things better for them. We can only give them options, love, and support them as they make their choices. I would give her information on the domestic violence center in her county in case she would like to access their services. She is welcome to call out 24/hour support and information line for support and information/resources the number is 916-920-2952. I would encourage you to have someone you can talk to about your feelings about your step daughter’s situation because I know it is difficult to love someone in a situation such as hers. If your step daughter is someone underage of course there are more legal options you may have in keeping your daughter safe.
Daughter has custody of daughter. He h a d a warrant issued for a r r
for her arrest in WA Saying she took kids out of a state devorce being h a n d l e d C A
H E IS ABUSIVE
Child custody issues are affected by many factors including the county of residence.  If your situation is in Sacramento County, California, call our Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 for more information about Legal Workshops and services.  If outside the Sacramento County area, contact the local domestic violence program.
I have been a victim of a domestic abuse and violence, my son has been brain washed by his partnel grand parents and his dad. I would like to know how I can protect myself and my son without going through court because I have done that before and threats from my husband and in laws made me drop the case One option is going through the courts and bringing with you any form of their threats. For example text messages, emails ect. Maybe talking to an attorney about what your rights an options are. Counseling can be an optioin so that you and or your son have a safe place to talk about what is going on. WEAVE offers counseling. To access our counseling services WEAVE provides a free triage session at one of our two locations, 1900 K St and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. The triage appointments are first come, first served and to find out more information regarding triage I would encourage you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The triage times at K St are Tues and Thur from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm Triage times at 7600 Hospital Drive are Mondays from 4p-7pm. WEAVE also has a 24 hour support Line than can offer support and information/resources at 916-920-2952
I’m suffering from abuse from my parents. I’m 22 yrs old, and i’m still being disciplined in an assaulting way. What do i do? My friends told me to come to you for advice or help. I am glad to hear that you are talking about the abuse to others and reaching out for help.  Abuse can always be reported to Law Enforcement if that is something you want to do. I’m not sure if you have an alternate place to live that would be safer but if so that can be an option for example family members, friends ect. Counseling can be another good thing to look into. I would imagine that what you are going through is painful and scary and a counselor can be a safe person to talk about your feelings. WEAVE offers counseling. To access our counseling services WEAVE provides a free triage session at one of our two locations, 1900 K St and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. The triage appointments are first come, first served and to find out more information regarding triage I would encourage you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The triage times at K St are Tues and Thur from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm Triage times at 7600 Hospital Drive are Mondays from 4p-7pm. WEAVE also has a 24 hour support Line than can offer support and assistance with safety planning the number is 916-920-2952.
do you have a list of things that a women needs to think about in preparation for leaving an abusive husband and living situation? documents and stuff….I tried searching but nothing came up… Knowing what documents to gather is an important tool in preparing to leave an abusive relationship. On our website under the “Domestic Violence” tab there is an “information” option. Click on the “information” tab and you will then be directed to a page that lists the cycle of violence and safety planning. Please click on the “safety plan” option and a list of important documents and other steps will be listed. You may also contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor regarding a safety plan  that will work for your specific situation and this can include what paperwork to gather. 

I’m a mother of a 5 year old and I 10 month old, I’ve been with their father for over 5 years I’ve endured so much in this relationship but have been so confused on what to do, I have tried to leave to go visit family but my kids father has prevented me from doing so by threatening to call the police to say I kidnapped the kids, I have no license or car and live out in the middle of nowhere, my question is what are my options because my girls and I are so confined with no vehicle is there a program that could help with getting me
and My girls out without conflict. We have never been physically harmed, its hard for me to admit but its all emotional and being confined the only way I could ever leave is if I left my girls behind then their dad would help me leave but I will never leave my girls ever, I just want to know if I have any options all I want is to get sometime away to maybe see family on the east coast but we are pretty much trapped
Isolation can be a very scary thing and it is a tool that abusers use to keep their partners from getting help. Using the children as a way to keep you in the relationship is also a common. I would encourage you to contact the Support Line for more information on an individual safety plan and resources. It may also be helpful for you to speak with a counselor for emotional support. Please contact us at (916)920-2952.
I do not have much money and am looking for a free Battered Women’s
Support Group to attend – I’ve been going to Al-Anon but I don’t think they are where I need to be right now . . I live in West Sacramento . . but am looking in the Sacramento area for a group . . Does WEAVE have support groups? If so, where is the schedule on the website? Thank you
WEAVE offers group counseling on a sliding scale fee based on income. The lowest price is $10 per group. To access our counseling services WEAVE provides a free triage session at one of our two locations, 1900 K St and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I. The triage appointments are first come, first served and to find out more information regarding triage I would encourage you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. The triage times at K St are Tues and Thur from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm Triage times at 7600 Hospital Drive are Mondays from 4p-7pm. The groups are offered at various times and during the triage session, the counselor will ask for your availability and assist with scheduling you a group based upon group space and your availability.
My husband and I are always fighting like this past Sunday he
almost killed me he says he will never do it but i know he will .. I don’t know what else to do..we have two kids at the home I’ve been through this before and now again i guess its just me..
It sounds like you are having a really difficult time right now and that the situation is getting more dangerous. You are more than welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor. The counselor will not only be able to provide you with emotional support but can help you develop a safety plan for you and your children. It may also be helpful to speak with a Support Line counselor to see what resources may be available for you.

if you ask a man not to touch you and he does anyway (someone you are in a relationship with), does he have the right to touch me anyway? And if he does, and I slap his hand away, does that mean I am the abuser? I ask because he hit me and he says it was in response to me slapping his hand away. This is not the only incident I have had with him and this frightens me…the first one was several months ago. I am not sure what to think at this point. I know men should never hit a woman, but he thinks it is OK because I slapped his hand away first…even though I made it very clear to him that I didn’t want him touching me.

 

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us with your questions. From what you describe it sounds like you tried to set a boundary with your partner regarding your personal space and that you told him you did not want to be touched. Without knowing all of the specifics, it does not sound like you were abusive. It may be helpful for you to speak with a counselor to get more information on a safety plan and support regarding your individual situation. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line may be reached at (916)920-2952.
My daughter is in her third abusive relationship, 2 or them were
marriages that ended in divorce. In the latest divorce, she lost custody of her 3 children. After asking for and ignoring help and advice from all family members and friends, we are all at our wits end. She is in denial – Thursday night her current boyfriend physically assaulted her and she has a concussion. Of course, she will not report it. I cannot deal with it anymore, nor can her sister and 2 older children. She is also addicted to prescription drugs, which she denies. I want to help her, but with no health insurance and no money, she cannot afford a fancy rehab facility, nor can I. Where can she got for free drug rehab, counseling on abuse, 12-step programs, detox, etc.? Please help!!!
I am sorry to hear that you and your family are having a difficult time. It can be very hard on family when loved ones are in an abusive relationship and suffering from substance abuse. It can be difficult to find free resources but there are a number of places in Sacramento that offer assistance to individuals with substance abuse some of them are:
Alcohol Drug Prevention Treatment Outreach AOD
3321 Power Inn Road, Suite 20, Sacramento, CA 95826 map
Ph. (916) 874-9754 Hours: Walk-ins Mon. – Fri. 8:00 a.m. and 12:30 p.m.
Subsidized outpatient drug and alcohol rehab treatment program referrals to 18 and over with ID and proof of residency. Begin here for subsidized (free) outpatient drug-alcohol treatment services.
_________________________________________
Clean and Sober Program
1321 North C Street, Sacramento, CA 95811 map
Ph. (916) 498-0331 Mon. – Fri. 9:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.
Alcohol & Drug Outpatient Counseling and Recovery. No one is turned away because he or she lacks financial resources.
_______________________________________
Del Paso Heights Neighborhood Service Center
3970 Research Drive, Sacramento, CA 95838 map
Ph. (916) 648-0366
Usually assists families through the cal works program. Accepts Medi-cal and people with no insurance. Drug and alcohol services including assessment, outpatient treatment.
You may also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for additional resources and information. You may find that it is beneficial for you to talk with a counselor for emotional support.
 
Hello – I would like to find a group therapy session in Sacramentoor Yolo county for victims of domestic violence – my husband is an abuser,
I’m working to try to get $ together to move out, but in the mean time I need some help to keep me sane; I don’t have much money . . any suggests? Thank you
 
Thank you for reaching out to us for support and information concerning counseling options. WEAVE offers a 15 week group counseling at different times of the day on a sliding scale. To access our counseling services we offer triage counseling at various times throughout the week. WEAVE has two counseling locations, 1900 K Street and 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I in South Sacramento. The triage hours for 1900 K Street are Tuesdays and Thursdays 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. The Triage hours for 7600 Hospital Drive Suite I are Mondays from 4p-7p. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 should you need more information.
 
What if you have tried everything but nothing works and all the
people that say they are willing to help don’t help. I read all the stories
and I can’t help but wonder how you got so much help but I can’t get any.
 
I am sorry to hear that it has been difficult for you to access services. We understand that each situation is different and the resources and referrals may be different for each person. You are more than welcome to give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to discuss your situation and see what resources may be available to assist you.

My boyfriends mom has 4 kids (20, 14, 3, and 1). The 20 year old ismy boyfriend. The 14 year old and my boyfriend live with their dad’s grandparents because of previous cps charges. Us three worry about their mom so much because the dad is psychologically abusive. He is a terrible person! I don’t think I’ve ever seen him sober. He ALWAYS has a beer in his hand. He
doesn’t help watch the two little kids and gets mad when he has to hold the youngest or while she goes to the bathroom. He goes on random rants and thinks very highly of himself. He yells at her and makes her feel like she’s
worthless. She’s not allowed to go anywhere or do anything except watch the kids. The mom, my boyfriend, and the 14 year old all want him dead. He smokes weed every day. She’s not allowed to see her parents nor are the kids allowed
to see their grandparents on her side until her dad dies. Last weekend he actually got physical with her and the 14 year d stepped in and hit him 3
times in the head. He’s one of those crazy controlling people that would actually kill his family if they try to leave him. She’s needs help and needs out of there ASAP. They get help from welfare and because he flies a sign on the side of the street because he’s too mentally “crazy” to get a job however she’s not allowed to get a job. She is stuck!! :(

 

It sounds like you are really worried about your boyfriend’s mom and siblings. It does sound like a difficult situation. If you suspect that there is current child abuse occurring you or your boyfriend are able to make an anonymous report to CPS. You can call CPS at (916)247-5437. It is good that your boyfriend and his 14 year old brother are in a safe place. You can also give your boyfriend’s mom our 24 hour Information and Support Line number (916)920-2952 and she is more than welcome to call us to review her options and create a safety plan specific to her and her situation. You too are more than welcome to call us for support.
My story is quite different. I secretly dated a priest for 3
years. He promised marriage. Well I spoke up told church officials about our relationship. He was removed. Of course then he begged me to move in
with him. I did. That is when his true side came alive. It started on vacation in a hotel room. Then when we lived together for seven months it happened five times. He would put his hands around my neck shake me pull my hair twist my a throw things at me. Never not once did he ever say he was sorry. What does that mean??? His abuse always occurred when I would confront him on a lie or something deceitful he did. Yes this is a man who clad now that I left him he wants to go back to being a catholic priest. The same man that told me when I got pregnant that he could not be the father but would be the godfather and giver a discount on catholic education. I feel not only was I physically abused I feel emotionally abused. ??????? Please reply.

 
Thank you for reaching out for support. It sounds like your situation may have left you feeling isolated and confused regarding his position within the community and church. Abusive partners can be anyone regardless of their job, faith, or social status. Domestic violence can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual. If you have not done so already I would encourage you to contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a trained counselor. Contact the Support Line can give you the opportunity to speak with someone regarding your experience and gain more information regarding the types of abuse and the cycle of violence that occurs within abusive relationships. You might find that although your partner was a priest, the abuse and manipulation in your relationship may mirror that of other peoples- thus helping you feel less alone. Our Support Line number is (916) 920-2952. Thank you again for taking the time to reach out to us.
Is my wife cheating if she tells me she wants a chance to go out and party because she married me too young It sounds like you may need or want to speak with someone regarding what is going on at home. Please contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. It may be helpful to process your emotions and questions with a Support Line Counselor.
Reading this message board has brought back so many tragic, sad
memories. I just want to tell the women who read this that you can get free
and live a stable, peaceful life. In Nov. 1993, I left my abuser, taking my
small children with me. With every step I took, I wondered if I had the
strength to do it, and I felt so afraid. I got a job, rented a house, got a
lawyer, attended counseling, took my children to counseling, and finally,
after two years of struggle, got a divorce. He continued to threaten and
frighten, but I grew stronger at recognizing his abuse and holding the line
against it. I am not saying it’s easy, but it is so worth it. My children
have grown up in a stable, peaceful home since I left their father. There
father’s time with them was limited by the court to 10 hours a week, and he
rarely spent that much time with them. Financially it was hard, and I still work 3 jobs to make ends meet, but it was worth it for the love, peace and stability in our lives. It’s normal to be afraid and fear that you don’t have
the strength. WEAVE will help you work through it. Other women who’ve been through the same things will help you. You and your children do not deserve
abuse. You can have a peaceful life, whether or not it seems possible right
now. God bless and help you. You’ll find strength that you didn’t know you
had, once you begin to disentangle yourself from your abuser’s life.
Thank you so much for taking the time to not only share your story and your message of hope for others facing similar experiences. Your words of hope and experience are a powerful reminder to individuals grappling with the difficult decision to stay or leave an abusive relationship. Thank you again for contacting us and providing words of hope to others. We wish you all the best as you continue your journey.
how can I end a relationship without guy going jail and myself losing my place live?
 
If you are not wanting to loose the place where you live due to a domestic violence situation you can call our 24 hour supportline at 916-920-2952 and a counselor can go over your options and provide information and resources that you may need. They can also go over safety planning with you. As far as having any control on whether the guy goes to jail or not it may depend on the circumstances but you can definitely discuss this with the supportline counselor.
 
Can a family member report violence in a marriage to have proof and to save the children from being sent to the husbands family Yes you can report violence at any time either with the local law enforcement angency where the abuse is happening or with CPS. The number to CPS is 875-5437. I don’t know if reporting would prevent children from being sent to husbands family but it could open the doors for the victims in this situation to get help and or resources. If you would like additinal resources and information WEAVE has a 24hours support and information line that can help the number is 916-920-2952. They can also assist in safety planning.
need help finding domestic counseling ? Most counties have a local domestic violence center and some may offer counseling. Since I do not know what county you are from you can call the National Domestic Violence center at 1800-799-7233. They can help you find the closest domestic violence center to you. There are also many private therapists and counselors not working out of a domestic violence center that may have experience in working with domestic counseling. The yellow pages or the internet may be a good place to look. WEAVE is a domestic violence center in Sacramento and we do offer counseling on a sliding scale. If you are interested you may go to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
Reading this message board has brought back so many tragic, sad memories. I just want to tell the women who read this that you can get free and live a stable, peaceful life. In Nov. 1993, I left my abuser, taking my small children with me. With every step I took, I wondered if I had the strength to do it, and I felt so afraid. I got a job, rented a house, got a lawyer, attended counseling, took my children to counseling, and finally, after two years of struggle, got a divorce. He continued to threaten and frighten, but I grew stronger at recognizing his abuse and holding the line against it. I am not saying it’s easy, but it is so worth it. My children have grown up in a stable, peaceful home since I left their father. There father’s time with them was limited by the court to 10 hours a week, and he rarely spent that much time with them. Financially it was hard, and I still work 3 jobs to make ends meet, but it was worth it for the love, peace and
stability in our lives. It’s normal to be afraid and fear that you don’t have the strength. WEAVE will help you work through it. Other women who’ve been through the same things will help you. You and your children do not deserve abuse. You can have a peaceful life, whether or not it seems possible right now. God bless and help you. You’ll find strength that you didn’t know you had, once you begin to disentangle yourself from your abuser’s life.
 
Thank You for sharing your story.
Tengo 8 anos de relacion con mi pareja y padre de mis dos hijos eh
pasado por muchas cosas pero siempre me quedo callada y tengo a mis papas
pero no tengo la cara para decirles que esta pasando en mi relacion por que
no quiero que lo miren mal al final del dia el nunca va a dejar de ser el
papa de mi hija y mi hijo yo no le tengo confianza y el tampoco a mi no
tenemos comunicacion como pareja y la verdad que ya no se ni porque oh para
que estoy con el no se que hacer me siento muy confundida y necesito ayuda
pero no se como hacerle porque ahorita no trabajo no voy a la escuela y no
ago nada porque el piensa que yo ando de mirando con quien andar oh con quien
divertirme y no se si irme porque el es el que se encarga de nosotros casa
dinero comida y basicamente todo me siento muy confundida nos emos dejado dos
veces y nuestra familia se a enterado pero siempre regreso con el no se que
hacer
Gracias por compartir tu experiencia con nosotros. No estas sola y nosotros te podemos ayudar a entender tu experiencia através de nuestros servicios de consejera los cuales puedes comenzar viniendo a nuestro asesoramiento (En Español) los Jueves de 10 a 1 de la tarde en el 1900 K street Sacramento, CA 95811, o los Lunes de 4 a 7 de la tarde en el 7600 hospital drive Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823. Si solo deseas hablar con alguien por teléfono puedes llamar a nuestra línea de apoyo las 24 horas al día al (916) 920-2952.

Hi. I have been married for almost 24 years. During the first 18 years I had things thrown at me, I was kicked, punched, shoved and pinched – however – I never had any broken bones/injuries nor did I ever end up in a hospital. One time I was given a “veiled threat” about my life and then my husband proceeded to get out a gun and load it. I have also heard repeatedly that I am a terrible wife and mother. I have been cussed out many times. I have been called every ugly name possible. After 18 years I pursued a divorce but stopped. My husband was remorseful and wanted to reconcile so I did. That was 6 years ago. The first 9 months were different but slowly over time, things seem to be returning to the way it was. He has continued to speak harshly and hurtfully to me on a regular basis. There have been 2 physical incidences – one being last month – a twisting pinch which left a bruise. My question is Does what has happened and is happening now, sound like abuse to you? I need an objective opinion. I have been in it so long that it’s all very normal to me – and actually better than it used to be – but my friends have said that it’s not normal – but maybe I have somehow misrepresented my situation or they just know me personally and care too much. I am weary, but when he is not angry he can be nice. So I am wrestling because right now he is being nice. I am desperate for objective advice. Thank you.

 

Thank you for taking the time to write to us and share your story. It sounds like it has been a difficult experience and what you describe does sound like domestic violence. There does not need to be broken bones to define a relationship as abusive. The various things you describe such as the name calling, throwing things, emotional abuse, pinching, all fall within abusive behavior. It can be confusing to have periods of kindness mixed in with the abusive. This behavior is also normal and is something we describe as the honeymoon (false honeymoon period) in the cycle of violence. The cycle of violence is described as having three stages. The first stage is the tension building stage and can often be described as walking on eggshells and doing everything possible to not cause a fight or disturbance. The second stage is the explosion stage. This is when the fighting can occur and can manifest itself in different ways including name calling, physical violence, throwing things, etc. The final stage is the honeymoon stage (or what we call the false honeymoon stage) where there might be apologies and periods of kindness. It sounds like you have some friends who are worried about you and who can see that his behavior is not normal. Please know that you can call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line for more information and support. Our Support Line number is (916)920-2952. Thank you again for taking the time to let us know how you are doing.
As a victim of domestic violence, do I have any rights to make my
husband move out of the home? My 88 year old mother lives with us, I’m her
primary care giver . . and just packing up and leaving with her is virtually
impossible; I’ve asked him to leave even temporarily and he won’t as he’s
convinced I’ll have an affair the minute he walks away-can you provide me
with any advise? Thank you
Calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 will provide you with support regarding your abusive relationship. You will also be able to get information about how to go about setting up a safety plan so you and your mother can be safe in the midst of the abuse. Contact your local law enforcement regarding legal options you may consider to provide a safe environment for you and your mother.
   
   
How can I help my daughter? She has a newborn baby and the father has been violent with her. CPS is involved. She is living with me how do I make sure he stays away from our house while I am not home? Is it ever helpful to talk with him to encourage him to get help? Can I get restraining order? Is there help for family members so we can set healthy boundaries and still treat others with respect? It can be difficult to ensure that he is not around when you are away from the house. Your family can file for a restraining order and you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for information on filing a restraining order and getting a safety plan. It may be difficult to set boundaries with him if he is violent. Calling our Support Line can help not only with the safety plan but also ways to address healthy boundaries and share what it is like to be parent of someone going through domestic violence.
I lost my Mum Xmas Day 2009 and since then I like to have a drink,
basically I cant come to terms of losing my MUm…past 4 yrs my husband has
beaten me down, phsyically and emotionally..the past 2 wks ago he beat me
down that bad that he kicked me and made a 3 inch tear on my
kidney………..I have pictures and dr’s notes,can I move on and press
charges ?
I am sorry to hear about your loss. This is a good opportunity to reach out for support so you will have an avenue to process your grief and loss of someone that appears to have been a very important person in your life. Calling our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 can provide a contact where you can share both your loss and aspects of your abusive relationship that obviously are impacting your life. The Support and Information Line can also help you to make a safety plan so you can be proactive in creating a safe environment for yourself as well as developing a strategy for healthy coping skills. You may want to contact your local law enforcement agency where the crime occurred to get accurate information as to your options about pressing charges. Remember to engage in self-care activities as you move through your healing process.
How do i stop loving him and believing that he will change? How can i move on without having to look over my shoulder? Why does it seem like everything’s my fault i chose him i laid with him i had a child with him i chose to move out of my mother’s home a stable safe environment within a month of me knowing him. i have a son from a previous relationship and a child with him i want him to be a part of his life but any time he contacts me to see his son he makes it about us and our relationship why do i have to be with him in order for him to want to see his son I’m so confused i just wish me and my children could find a place to move so he would never be able to find us again Thank you for taking the time to write and let us know what is going on for you. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation and experiencing a lot of confusion regarding your relationship. You ask some very good questions that would take more time and care to further explain than we are able to in an online post. I would encourage you to call our 24-hour Support Line to speak with a counselor that can explore the cycle of domestic violence and the many reasons people stay in abusive and unhealthy relationships. There are shelters and safehouses that may be of assistance to you in and outside of Sacramento County if you are feeling that you are not safe and needing an alternative place to stay. You can call our Support Line at (916)920-2952 to get numbers for shelters that may be of assistance to you and your individual situation. It is common to be feeling conflicted emotion regarding an unhealthy relationship.

 

I was in a 17 year abusive marriage. Where I was not allowed to speak to anyone and my kids thought I was crazy. I got away. I have been away for ten years he was in prison for 5 years during those years my three teenage children developed a relationship, we got along now they are young adults and have kids, my grandchildren. Their dad got out and well he turned them against me. It is bad, I was cursed called so many names that it was like being in that marriage. I am not allowed to have anything to do with my grandkids. I had a tight relationship with all of them (9) total. I am devastated, in shock, hurt and everything else. I feel beaten and I miss the kids. I lived with them for almost two years and I raised the youngest baby, she slept with me and she called me mom. I was like chased out. I was taking care of the kids one day and I brought some things to my daughter’s attention concerning her kids safety and welfare. I don’t want to hurt anyone I just want to be able to see the babies. I want to file for visitation rights. What do you think? I don’t know what to do my daughter is not taking care of her kids. She is dirty and abusive. She is in the process of divorce. I am concerned about two of her young kids. They don’t play like other kids. The boy is molesting his sister or vice versa. I suspect that someone is or was molesting them both. My daughter did not do anything about it but throw me out. I am afraid that if I report it to an agency that she will lose the kids to the system.


It sounds like you are having a really difficult time right now being separated from your grandchildren. It is understandable that you are feeling devastated and hurt. It is also sounding like you are concerned about your grandchildren’s safety and calling children’s services might put your mind at ease. It is difficult to know what actions CPS might take regarding the abuse allegations but their job is to look out for the best interests of the children. In regards to filing for visitation it would be best to consult legal counsel. The Sacramento Court House has a self-help center and their information is: William R. Ridgeway Family Relations Courthouse 3341 Power Inn Road Sacramento, CA 95826 Business Hours: 8:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., Monday through Friday (excluding court holidays) 916-875-3400. If you would like to speak with someone over the phone for emotional support and additional referrals you may call our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952
 
   
can my husband be arrested for hitting me in january 2013 I have pictures of the bruises he left on me
 
Spousal abuse is against the law. You can report abuse at any time with your local law enforcement agency. I don’t know if he would be arrested that would be a good question for the reporting law enforcement officer.
I was in a 17 year abusive marriage. Where I was not allowed to
speak to anyone and my kids thought I was crazy. I got away. I have been away for ten years he was in prison for 5 years During those years my three teenage children developed a relationship, we got along now they are young adults and have kids. My grandchildren. Their dad got out and well he turned them against me. It is bad, I was cursed called so many names that It was like being in that marriage. I am not allowed to have anything to do with my
grand kids. I had a tight relationship with all of them (9) total. I am devastated, in shock hurt and everything else. I feel beaten and I miss the kids. I lived with them for almost two years and I raised the youngest baby, she slept with me and she called me mymom. I was like chased out. I was taking care of the kids one day and I brought some things to my daughters attention concerning her kids safety and welfare. I don’t want to hurt anyone I just want to be able to see the babies. I want to file for visitation rights. What do you think?I don’t know what to do my daughter is not taking care of her kids. She is dirty and abusive. She is in the process of divorce. I am concern about two of her young kids. They don’t play like other kids. the boy is molesting his sister or vice versa. I suspect that someone is or was
molesting them both. My daughter did not do anything about it but throw me out. I am afraid that if I report it to an agency that she will loose the
kids to the system.
 
It sounds very devastating to have had such a close relationship with your grandkids and to have that taken away for trying to protect them. I know it can be very scary to report suspected abuse but if you decide to do that the number to CPS is 875-5437. Just as an FYI when reporting suspected abuse the name and information of the person reporting is kept confidential. WEAVE offers a support line that can offer you support and go over possible options you may have. The support line number is 916-920-2952. WEAVE also offers counseling you can access our counseling by coming to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
How do you walk away from a mentally abussive relationship? Lost my job all my family live out of state. My spouse is taking care of me. Feel trapped and depressed all the time. I feel like I’ve become very angry.
 
Many abusive relationships create isolation form support whether that’s a job, family or friends. It is most often very difficult to leave an abusive relationship whether it is physical or mental abuse. It sounds very reasonable to be angry considering what’s going on. It can be very helpful to start to create a support system for yourself whether that’s counseling, talking with friends or joining groups where you feel supportive. WEAVE offers a 24 hour Support and Information Line which can be reached by calling (916)920-2952. The supportline can offer support resources and referrals to helping agencies. WEAVE also offers counseling you can access our counseling by coming to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
 
My husband and I have been married 5 years and been on and off total of 15 years. he’s moved out and back in over the marriage. We have a 4year old. He has called me dumb boring a bitch not a good mother. And throws things around. My son does not see this behavior. And he cheated last year because I didn’t pay enough attention to him. I worked full time and maintaining the family finance. He was a stay at home dad. I accepted him back. Recently he is calling me a bitch again and that im boring and a fing idiot. I am stressed out and feel like I walk on egg shells all the time. I
am a saty at home while he works and have no friends. Why does he do this.He’s depressive and told border line bipolar. Why cant I get up and leave?
 
I am so sorry for all that you must be going through. We recognize that it isn’t always easy to leave a relationship for various reasons. Sometimes because of the children or finances or sometimes it’s because someone has been put down for so long it’s hard to believe they can do it. Sometimes counseling can help work through those factors or barriers. It may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
When I was 6 or 7, my brother who was 10 at the time, sexually assaulted me. He made me think it was a game, until I realized how disgusting the acts were. Knowing I would get help, my brother pulled me aside and held a knife close to me. He made me promise not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I kept my mouth shut. He had a similar incident with my 2 friends, who told on him. He lived in a foster home for a few years and I hardly saw him. I feel like I grew up without a brother. And to make it worse, the neighbors told everyone about the incident, so none of my friends were allowed to play with me. My only “friends” were the Child Protective Service ladies who asked me uncomfortable questions. I was given a label for my brother’s selfish act… it has been almost 10 years since then, and I have nightmares about it. I’m starting to feel bitter towards my brother for my unusual childhood, but I know I should be to blame for not telling anyone. I want to talk to my mom, but I feel like she’ll be mad at me for bringing up the past. I need closure. I need something. Am I wrong to still be upset? What should I do? I’m going crazy here…
It sounds like you are having a difficult time right now and it may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. The nightmares and anger that you are experiencing are common for survivors of childhood molest. Talking with a counselor may be a helpful step in working through the past so that you can feel better in the present. It is important to tell yourself that you are not to blame for the violence. You may not believe it right now but it is still important to tell yourself that it was not your fault. Your brother demonstrated to you at a very young age that he was violent and could hurt you and your friends. You are not to blame; it is not your fault. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.
 
   
Hello I really need your help. My aunt has for boys, 14, 12, 9 and 4 one of whom has autism. She married her high school sweet heart 30 years ago. He is emotional abusive in front of our family and has cheated on her several times. She had back surgery last year and has had heath issue since. She went into the hospital this week with a blood clot in her lung. Her Husband dropped of my 4 year old cousin at my home because he said ” He was “F%&^ing done and tired of this S^&*” and need me to watch him until she got out of the hospital and he has “work” so someone need to take him. She had her birthday in the hospital Saturday and he didn’t even visit or take the other boys there. She got out of the hospital today and he came and pick up my 4 year cousin. I didn’t want to let him go. My aunt is unable to drive herself at this time and is on disability. I am sorry to hear that your Aunt is having a difficult time. It sounds like you really care about her and your cousins. It is very nice of you to offer a safe environment for your young cousin while his mother was having surgery. It sounds like you are worried about your Aunt and the children’s wellbeing. If you would like to talk with someone about your concerns and how it feels for you to be witnessing the verbal and emotional abuse you are welcome to call our 24-hour Information and Support Line at (916)920-2952. Your Aunt is also welcome to call us and we can offer her some support and refer to other community resources should she need or want more help.
   

My family says I am in an abusive relationship, but I don’t know if that’s
true. My husband doesn’t hit me or physically hurt me, in fact I don’t
believe he would ever lay a hand on me, but he can be kind of mean. He
doesn’t talk to me much or touch me, ever. Not even a kiss on the cheek. He
sits as far away from me as he can get. He won’t give me any money, and I
have to give him receipts for any money I spend. He says this is so he can
stay on top of our finances, our budget is pretty tight and he doesn’t want
me to spend foolishly. But he won’t ever tell me how much the bills are or
whether they’ve been paid or even how much money he makes or how much we have
in the bank. he says he shouldn’t have to tell me and that if i wasn’t such a
suspicious person and just trusted him we wouldn’t argue so much. If I ask
him about money or tell him I’m lonely and I wish he would hold me, he gets
VERY angry and yells at me. He says nothing’s ever enough to make me happy
and that I’m just an unhappy person who loves to argue. He tells me he wishes
I would just “shut the fuck up and go away” or that he is seriously
reconsidering his decision to stay with me. When he’s angry, he says he can’t
think of any reasons why he should stay with me and that I make him wish he
were dead. But sometimes, every once in a while, he can be very nice. he will
talk about plans he wants to make with me, trips he wants us to go on
together. i dont understand how he can shift positions to such extremes. its
like living with two different people. He says our problems are my fault
because I’m too much of a control freak and that I’m “Little Miss Perfect”
and I think I’m better than everyone else, but I don’t have control of
anything. EVER! And no one knows better than I do that I am absolutely NOT
better than everyone. I make myself crazy trying to figure out what is the
right thing to do, I never know what will make him happy, when I ask him what
he wants he just says he doesn’t care. But if I chose the wrong thing, he
gets mad, so he must care! I don’t understand why he won’t just tell me what
he wants. If he would just say what will make him happy, I would do it. . I
don’t know what I do. I feel like he hates me, I don’t understand why he
stays with me if I make him so angry. I don’t mean to, but it seems like I
always do. Even though I just want to make him happy. How can I fix this? I
just want him to see that I try so hard to be a good wife, I don’t want to
control him or take his money. I just want him to love me and hold me and not
say he’s going to leave all the time. I am so scared and lonely. I don’t know
what’s wrong with me, what am I doing wrong?
I don’t have any health insurance, and I don’t have any money of my own, so
I can’t get counseling, but I’m so upset and confused, I know I should
probably be going. I can’t eat or sleep and I have horrible panic attacks
almost daily. I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ve asked my sister and my
parents if I can stay with them for a few months if I leave my husband, but
they both said no. I don’t have any other family and I don’t really have any
friends and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for the last 15 years. I am just
stuck and I feel like I’m drowning in worry. Is there anywhere I can go to
get counseling that isn’t going to cost me $200 an hour? I could never
explain that kind of money loss to him, and I think he would be mad at me if
he found out I was going to counseling. He says we should be able to work out
our problems on our own. But I don’t think we can. Where can I get help? I’m
so tired of feeling like such a loser.
Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us to share what is going on for you at home. It sounds like you are understandably having a difficult time making sense of the hot and cold behaviors your husband is displaying. Often domestic violence is described in regards to physical abuse but domestic violence is more complex than that as emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, and spiritual abuse are all forms of domestic violence. It sounds like you would like to receive counseling services but that the financial difficulties make it difficult to access services. Our counseling department offers counseling on a sliding scale basis and the lowest group counseling starts at $10. We understand that finances and fear regarding spending money without getting caught by the partner are very real concerns. Maybe your friends or family might be able to help pay for your counseling services or bring you to one of our free triage sessions to get more information. We offer free counseling triage services on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11a-1pm and on Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. If you would like to have more information and find it difficult to leave the house to get counseling services you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line for assistance the number is (916)920-2952.
   
I have been getting beat on a simi-regular basis for over two years i need to get out! At a woman’s empowerment meeting i was told that you can help. My problem is, i make about 850.00 a month ,and i can pay my rent here of 615 no problem but when i check into apartments. I need to make 2x the rent . I don’t have it. And i have no auto or family or friends to move and all the furniture is mine . I need to move where he does not know where i am. I can do it alone and he has made sure im isolated . The leader of the group and the other lady’s said you can help before he ends up killing me. Can you help me?
 
Your situation sounds really scary. If you are in need of a safe place to stay our 24/7 supportline at 916-920-2952 can help you. They can offer you housing referrals that may be able to help your situation. WEAVE also has a safehouse for persons escaping a violent environment and have nowhere else to go. If you are interested you can call our 24/7 supportline at 916-920-2952 and start the process with our screening intake. WEAVE has many other supportive services for more information you can call our supportline. It takes a lot of courage to leave a scary and or abusive situation, it’s great that your reaching out for help and not doing it alone.
can u help me move from Massachusetts to California to flee from my
ex husband he’s going to kill me I just need help with the funds to get a
plane ticket
 
Unfortunately our agency does not provide that service or have resources for situations like that. You can call your local Law Enforcement agency if he has made threats to your life and or is being abusive. The National DV hotline is 1800-799-7233 if you are interested in finding the domestic violence agency that is closest to you to see if they have any resources that can help.

How can I help my sister get away from her husband? They have been
married over 20 years and they have three children. Their older daughter has
Down syndrome and her two sons are 21 and 16. Her husband is an alcoholic.
He had gone to AA twice and has gone to rehab three times through Kaiser. He
promises to clean up his act, he does for a while. Then she takes him back
and then the drinking starts again. The last separation began 9 months ago
and things have escalated more than ever. She has a court order for him to
stay away from her and he keeps coming to her house, grabbing her hair and
throwing her down then slapping her face and saying “what are you going to
do about it?” When her sons call 911 it takes a couple hours for the
police to come out. The police tell her they can only do something if they
catch him in the act. He has also on several occasions threatened her sons
and tries to pick fights with them. She called me at 3am this morning very
scared and I don’t know what to do! Please help me!

 


 

It is very common for the violence to escalate after someone leaves an abusive relationship. It is good that your sister and her children continue to contact the police each time he is violating the order. It is understandably frustrating and scary that the police are taking a long time to respond. Your sister can contact our 24-hour Support and Information Line with assistance in creating a safety plan and reviewing options available to her including finding safe shelter. Your sister may also call the police department responding to the calls and ask to speak with someone in charge to ask about the late response time and verify that they physical attacks and threats are on record. It is good that your sister has you to lean on and confide in. It can be very difficult for support persons to see their loved ones in a violent relationship and you too are more than welcome to call our 24-hour support line to get additional information and support. We can go over a safety plan with you and your sister over the phone.
   
I was a victim of domestic violence for 2 years..your attorney helped me with divorce paperwork…however, I am STILL waiting..after numerous callbacks to YOU..for my free counseling weeks. WEAVE was supposed to call me when had counselor set up…I have called several times, but I am old and disabled partly from the abuse..and I have given up on being worth anything, if family, friends..my OWN doctor and YOU..will not help me. Since..my own FAMILY has started in…my daughter-in-law, whom I graciously allowd to live
with me whenever my son, she and kids needed it//has pushed and hit me several yimes on my injurred spots when I do not obey :( I turned to my family physician..who has decided without notice to stop my meds based on what SHE says; that I can afford to come in for medication check when cannot. (edited for length)  My grandchildren have been also told I am bad..result..I am alone (edited for length) I was…asked my family for help. NOW they are abusing me on FB, on my cell..AND say I am mentally ill go get help before bother again..and I am sick..asking for help..does ANYBODY care at all? (edited for length) neighbors, family..have turned in my daughter-in-law for abusing my grandchildren..so they moved out several months ago..blaming
me..and will not let me know where they live even. (edited for length) when my abusive husband chased me out of our house 2 weeks after an emergecy hysterectomy. trying to cram pills down my throat. (edited for length) SO I have premanent brain damage because aused, and no one cares to the point of letting it happen:( Please help me..I have not eaten for days, nor can I even come out of apt their abuse so bad..had togive up FB and my cellphone..and I am sick and bedridden :( I know I am whinynow..my loved oes are killing me and society has given them approval..not tried to stop them..or help ME.
 
Regarding finding out about where you are at on the waiting list for counseling you can call our business office at 916-448-2321 and ask. If you are being abused or are in an unsafe environment I encourage you to call the police or Adult Protective Services (if appropriate). The number to APS for Sacramento County is (916) 874-9377. You would need to call the APS number for the county that you live in. WEAVE also offers a 24/7 Support and information line at 916-920-2952 where you can receive support as well as information and referrals.

I have escaped an abusive marriage. I am living in a small town in Northern CA and am trying to move to the Sacramento area to get away from where my ex lives. I do not feel safe in the same town and have been advised that I would receive help to relocate. Unfortunately I am having to quit my job and hope I can find another one. I am a teacher so this could be difficult but I will do my best to make things work. I have a 12 year old daughter who will be coming with me. The courts allowed for her to move with me. My divorce has been brutal and has really taken a toll on my finances. Unfortunately I am losing my house to foreclosure so my credit is affected. I am terrified I have always had excellent credit and now I fear I will not be able to find a rental in a safe neighborhood in the fair oaks/ orangevale area. I have been in contact with the local domestic violence advocate who has offered to help with moving expenses and told me to contact WEAVE. I am wondering what kind of services are available to help me financially until I can find a job to support my daughter and me? Am I eligible for any kind of assistance……help with food, housing costs etc.? I do not receive any child support and have been court ordered to pay spousal support. Life seems so ufair right now……I lived in an abusive home, I escaped, now I have to pay him. I have no choice but to leave the area and take a chance in order to better my life and that of my daughter.

 

What a brave and courageous action you are taking to keep you and your daughter safe. As far as financial help with food or housing costs you can call our 24/7 support line at 916-920-2952 where a counselor is able to give you many resources and referrals for your specific needs. Weave unfortunately does not provide financial assistance but does have many other services such as counseling, legal assistance ect. The 24/7 support line can provide you with information on all of  WEAVE’s services and how to access them as well as support along the way.
One of my parents-the one I (in like 5 hours the one I used to live with) live with hit me,shoved me, AND threw 2 brushes, a blowdryer, screamed “if you don’t get out of my house right now…”, “I will kill you”, and they tried to through a ladder at me. I have to go live with my alcoholic parent now and my brother said that this parent was abusive. I don’t want to live with either of my parents but sadly I don’t have a choice It may seem like you don’t have any choices right now but I encourage you to talk to adults that you trust and let them know what’s going on. Maybe an adult at school or a relative or a friend’s parent. It’s great that you’re writing here and reaching out for help but here are a couple of referrals that can also help: You can always call the Police or Child Protective Services (916-875-5437) when you feel that the environment you are living in is not safe. Here is a couple of hotline numbers specifically for teens: CA Youth Crisis Line 800-843-5200, Diogenes/WIND Youth Services1-800-339-7177, and the Sutter Counseling Center Teen Hotline 916-386-3620. WEAVE also has a 24/7 support line at 920-2952. We are mandated reporters which mean that if you give us specific information about yourself and the abuse we have to make a report to CPS (just as a heads up). It is never ok for anyone to threaten to abuse you or abuse you your options sounds really dangerous and my hopes are that the adults that you choose to talk to help make sure you’re in a safeplace
I have been separated from my husband almost 3 years. The abuse was emotional & verbal & I was so depressed & anxious during the 18 plus years we were together-I couldn’t leave. I believed he would get the kids & I lived in misery & fear. The longer I stayed, the lower my self-esteem went until I began to attend a Bible study & started to hear how much God loved me & the women in the study did too. My depression began to lift & I started to stop being a door mat. I said no when I didn’t want sex-something I’d never done. When I began to get better, he asked for a divorce. I left the house & got an apartment, because he wouldn’t leave. I am safe, but I’m back being depressed with no self esteem. I’m 51 & wondering why I’m not doing better with life. I’m so used to putting on a false face for the world that I don’t think the places I’ve reached out for help really believe there’s anything wrong with me. I’m confused all the time. I am afraid to even hire a lawyer because he doesn’t think we need one. Can I be helped? I survived childhood molestations, a peeping tom, a stalker & rape, but I now feel broken & lost. When I meet other women, like at church, they seem to expect me to be o.k. & moving on with life. Why can’t I do that? I’m just existing. We have a 15 yr old son & a 22 yr old daughter. I have my son half time, but I feel so challenged to be a good parent. The kids seem to have forgotten how their dad was with me. That hurts, but I’ve kind of gotten used to that. Thank you.
 
Thank you for reaching out for help it takes alot of courage. Even though the abuse may be over doesn’t mean the healing process is. Everyone’s healing process is their own and there is no set date for people to feel “normal” again. Sometimes people create a new normal because when something so traumatic happens it changes them forever. That doesn’t mean they can’t have a normal happy fulfilling life it just means that it is never like it never happened. It can be normal for it to take several years to work through trauma and even then it’s an up and down roller coaster of feelings and days you may have. It can feel like you’re going crazy or it can feel like you’re a walking zombie there is a wide range of ways trauma can leave you feeling but even though it doesn’t feel normal it is very normal considering what you have gone through. Others may not understand this process and expect victims to snap out of it but it may be because they don’t understand the process of working through such trauma. That’s why it may be helpful to get some help from professionals that have an expertise in the trauma that you have experienced, whether that is a medical doctor or counselor. WEAVE has a 24/7 supportline you can call for support at 916-920-2952. WEAVE also has counseling that you can access by coming to our counseling triage. Our counseling triage is a one on one assessment with a counselor to determine how we can best meet your needs. We offer triage on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers counseling triage on Tues and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. I hope this helps and please keep reaching out and building your support system.
I currently have a friend who is trying to leave an abusive
relationship. She has two small children with her abuser. She lives outside the Sacramento area. What is the safest way for her to get in touch with you? If I let her use my phone to call you can you do an in take over the phone?
 
To start the process of our safehouse entrance she would need to call our Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 to do the initial intake screening. It would take at least 45 min. She can also call that same number and talk with one of our counselors that can help her with safety planning for her and her children. I know leaving an abusive relationship can be very scary and stressful for the person that’s leaving as well as their friends that are helping them. I just want to remind you to take care of yourself and find someone you can talk with if you need support. WEAVE has counseling and a 24/7 supportline if you or your friend need someone to talk to.


I have been in a abusive relationship for many years. Too deep to explain
right now. I’m trying to leave, but i don’t want him to follow me. How can i
set up an appointment to meet with someone about gettng out? how can I
schedule an appointment to discuss maybe getting emergency shelter?

I left my abusive marriage over 10 years ago, but our 2 teenage daughters are suffering psychological and verbal abuse. We have a legally binding 50/50
arrangement but what are my options? I cannot just turn a blind eye to what he is doing (no physical abuse, but verbal and manipulation/control/mind
games). My oldest daughter is finally opening up to me and I know how hurt she feels inside. My middle daughter is played as the “good” child and the informant by her father, using the divide and conquer technique. Can you offer suggestions? Thank you for and help now, and for the help the first time around.
Mom J

 Great job being cautious when leaving this relationship. Statistically it is sometimes the most dangerous for a person when leaving an abusive relationship. Sometimes the abuser can feel desperate and become more abusive. In regards to meeting with someone about getting out of the relationship you can always call our support and information line. Our support and information line gives you access to a live counselor 24/7 to provide you with emotional support information and resources. They can also help you with safety planning. The number is (916) 920-2952. If you are interested in WEAVE’s counseling services you would need to attend a free triage session, this is a one on one assessment with a counselor to determine how we can best meet your needs. We offer triage on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers counseling triage on Tues and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. In regards to emergency shelter WEAVE does have a safehouse the first step to accessing this service is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and complete a phone screening. 

I know it took a lot of courage to leave ten years ago and I’m sorry you are going through some of the same abuse still. I can’t give legal advice as I am not an expert in that area but I know that it is always a good idea to document (date/time/incident) any type of manipulation or verbal abuse. You can show this to a legal expert or attorney to see what legal options you have. Another option is calling CPS at 875-5437 to see if the abuse is reportable to them. It may be something they can investigate. As far as options to emotional recovery WEAVE has counseling available for you and/or your children. You can start counseling by going to our counseling triage. You can get the specific dates and times for triage by calling our support and information line at 920-2952. The support and information line also has a live counselor you can talk to for emotional support as well as information and resources the number again is 920-2952. I think it’s great that your daughter felt safe to open up to you. The more support and positive things you and your children have in your life the better. Thank you for reaching out for help you don’t have to go through this alone.

Using the WEAVE 24/7 Support whe having a triggering event. I
recently had a trigger event during..get this…during a business meeting in a conference room. I felt like a deer in the headlights…frozen, my mind starting filling up wiht these random memories and powerful feelings of fight or flight….we broke for five minutes and I walked out of the office and into the elevator…I didn’t even push the button…I just stood there with my face in the corner trying not to burst into tears and not hyper ventilate. It’s been four years since I got out. it’ took at least 2 years to finally get out of the depression and start to function normally again…dare I say even happily. So the lingering issue I have is trying to deal with my emotions when the memories or the panic, or that all too familiar fear grab hold of me. Is it ok to call when you’re in the middle of a panic state like that? I am safe and very secure now…it’s just this one side effect that reaches up and grabs me sometimes.
 

Triggering is normal It is absolutely ok to use the 24 hour Support & Information Line when you are experiencing a triggering event.  The advocates who answer the phone understand how scary these times can be and are there to support you.  If you are continuing to experience the triggers and they are affecting you regularly, you may want to consider meeting with a WEAVE counselor to develop additional coping skills.  The advocates on the Support & Information Line can you information about accessing additional services.
Can you refer me to similar groups in the San Francisco Bay Area? There are multiple domestic violence and sexual assault resources in the SF Bay Area.  You can find a listing for domestic violence agencies here at the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence website.  Sexual assault programs can be found here at the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault website.  You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get referrals.

Ive been abused from a child into adulthood both sexually and physically I never gotten any help for it or other issues I have had because of these experiences. Now I have an open cps case because of domestic violence from my husband I have to take classes and see you guys but how will I know that what I say to you will not effect me getting my daughter back what if you think im crazy. im scared if im honest that I will never get my daughter back but at same time all my family and friends want me to get help. I want help im scared everyday that I might to something dangerous to my self some days Im ok but others not its a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore but im scared if I ask for help and tell my story it will be used against my I don’t trust anyone never have idk what my question is really im just don’t want to cheat this program if it can actually help me

If you feel you may harm yourself, please call the Suicide Hotline at 916.368.3111. It is completely understandable that you would be scared and worried. You deserve to feel safe and to heal. WEAVE helps many women who have experienced abuse and are now involved with CPS. Your concern about sharing is understandable and we want to support your healing. We know you want to be a good mom. The support group can help you to share your story and to know that others have had similar experiences and feeling – you are not alone. Any relationship – past or present – that is abusive is complex and talking with the counselor can help. If you need confidential support– you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for support for the abuse at 916.920.2952. We are mandated reports and the Support Line and Suicide Hotline advocates will be honest with you about anything you share that would have to be reported to CPS during the conversation.
   
Is there any way that I could have information sent to me? I have a friend who needs help knowing what to do to get out. She is afraid to even leave her house and if I could show her about how ans what you guys do for women escaping a violent situation, she also has a 4 year old boy and is afraid that her husband might take him.  Thank you for caring about your friend and seeking out resources to help her. Having a non judgmental support system is so important for survivors of domestic violence. Materials and information about our services, safety planning and the cycle of violence have been mailed to the address you provided. You may also receive addtional resources and support by calling our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. 
Has my boyfriend got an anger problem? I don’t want to talk to anyone I know because I don’t want their biased opinions. The other day he threw his best friend to the floor when he was drunk for no reason. He was very sad and apologetic about it 2 days later and the whole next day, and also says that he can’t remember what happened? Last week it was the same situation; drunk and can’t remember, except it was with me (his girlfriend) and he was very mean with some of the things he said – for no reason! And kept threatening to end it between us. Today he smashed a plate just because he ripped a tea bag open and there was no bin to put the rubbish in. We argue sometimes like any other couple, but he ends up getting more wound up than anyone I’ve know and storms off swearing, slamming doors and it’s normally over something quite stupid. And has even happened when there hasn’t been an argument, but he disagrees on something I’ve said. I know he gets out of hand, and I don’t geel threatened by him, and I know he wouldn’t physically hurt me. But what can I do to help? It scares me seeimg him get so suddenly angry about something, and I’ve told him that if it carriers on I will leave, because I can’t handle being around someone like that. But the truth is i know I won’t leave him because I love him. Instead – what can I do to help him??? Whenever I try talking to him about his ways he gets angry.  In a relationship it is important to set boundaries and establish what behaviors we will and will not accept. You are correct to point out that all couples argue as every relationship requires work. In a healthy relationship couples will work through their problems using communication, teamwork and mutual respect. It sounds like you are seeing some red flags in your boyfriend’s behavior and it is very important to recognize these signs. When we are intoxicated or under the influence we may be more open to doing things that are out of character; however alcohol does not make us abusive towards others. Drinking may be bringing other issues to the surface for your boyfriend that he needs help addressing. Discovering what these issues are can be difficult especially when discussing the subject seems to cause more anger. You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about strategies you can use to broach this subject safely. Your boyfriend may also find that speaking to a counselor can help him manage his anger in healthier ways. WEAVE offers counseling, on sliding scale fees, to help you grow as individuals while you work towards a healthier relationship. You may access this service by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. You may also feel more comfortable speaking to a counselor over the phone. WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information is always available to assist you. Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a counselor today. 
I have been living with my BF for almost 3 years. It started out really great. He was willing to try and get to know my kids even though he always made comments about never wanting to date someone with kids before. after about a year he started telling me that I  needed to let my youngest son live with his dad. My other two are grown and out of the house, but they are no longer allowed at our house. Our relationship has become violent as well. He has thrown things at me and pushed me across the kitchen and I fell backward and hit the counter. He constantly puts me down and makes comments about me getting old. He has made it impossible for me to leave because even though he makes way more money than I do, I pay most of the house payment. In Jan of last year I helped him buy a house. I couldn’t put my name on it because of my bad credit stemming from my divorce. I am still trying to repair that as well. He pretty much makes all of my decisions and tells me what to do. He tells me he’s just trying to protect me, but I know better. He tells me that I need to go out and do things with my friends, but he knows that because of the bills I pay and the fact that I pay a larger portion of the house payment, I don’t have any extra money. I have to depend on him for any “fun” activities and then he constantly reminds me that he pays for all of the “fun” stuff we do, but he also gets to hang out with his friends without me. I have had to start hiding the fact that I go and pick up my son a couple of times a week so that I can spend time with him. I’m not allowed to answer my phone when any of my family calls if he is home. This has been bad enough but on Friday I had surgery on my foot and I am now completely dependent on him for everything. (edited for length) He has pretty much alienated me from all of my friends and family and now that I can’t walk or drive I feel like I am stuck here. Plus I don’t know what he would do to all of my belongings if I left. I have already had to start all over twice due to divorce. I can’t afford to do it again. I don’t know what to do. Reaching out for help is incredibly brave and we thank you for finding that courage. Living with abuse can take a toll on many aspects of our lives. It sounds like your partner has isolated you from family and friends and is using multiple forms of abuse in your relationship. Please know that the abuse is not your fault and you do have options and resources to help you break free. In a healthy relationship both partners work together and respect each other’s choices. It sounds like your partner is making most of the decisions and controlling your relationship together and your relationship with family and friends. It is so important that you have recognized these signs and see the red flags. Survivors face many obstacles while in an abusive relationship and when they decide to leave. If you choose to leave the relationship WEAVE can offer you the support and resources to do so. We can also help you develop a safety plan so that you have options whether you choose to leave or stay. You may qualify for free shelter at our domestic violence safehouse which includes; counseling, shelter and assistance. We may also be able to offer you legal assistance should you decide to file for a domestic violence restraining order to further enhance your safety. The first step to accessing our services is to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. Please make sure you are in a safe and private place when you call. Our phone counselors are confidential, supportive and can help you determine your safest options. If you would prefer to speak to a counselor in person you may attend a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations.  Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
I am in a difficult situation, my soon to be ex husband is harassing me and my boyfriend of 4 years. he started with threats to me trying to take my daughter away from me but it escalated when I was granted legal & physical custody of her. He has been trying to smut up my bf name, calling cps several times saying my bf touched my daughter and made accusations of abuse, all of these things have been investigated and put to rest but he still continues to harass, stalk me and my bf workplace and spread lies about us to people we dont know so we are always looking over our shoulder. This man is bipolar schitzophrenic and yet he still gets visitation twice a month for “the best interests of the child” the judge says its a he say she say but i have hundreds of text threats and some are being lost because my phone is at max capacity. this guy was already ordered to stay away from school, to leave me alone and still keeps filing all these bogus
complaints on me that get him nowhere and actually agree leaning in my favor. My question is that we feel we are not safe. He has been driving through my
neighborhood and he is gonna do something really bad. he already tried to
beat up my bf but bf pushed him away and he called cops to make a citizen
arrest. he thinks this will give him leverage in family court but i think he needs his visitation terminated for good. he is dangerous and tonight he is texting that he is gonna do something to us….is there safehouses for
families? 
Sharing custody with an abusive partner can be very challenging for survivors. WEAVE knows that everyone deserves to be safe and feel safe in their daily lives. It sounds like your ex is doing his best to take away that sense of security for your family. You are right to take his threats seriously and it is important to document each threat he makes. You may consider filing for a domestic violence restraining order as a way to protect yourself and your family. WEAVE offers free legal assistance to survivors and can help you establish a safety plan moving forward. To learn more about the services we offer please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. Phone counselors can offer you resources and support as you take your next steps away from abuse. 
my boyfriend was just arrested for domestic violence. there is a emergency protective order against him, but I still don’t geel safe, what should my next action be? You are not alone and you have many options and resources to help you feel safe and begin to heal emotionally. You may consider applying for a temporary restraining order that way you have the protections longer. WEAVE’s legal department can help you with this process. You may also attend a domestic violence restraining order workshop at the Family Courthouse (3341 Power Inn Road). Workshops are held on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 8:45am – Noon. The workshop is free and you should arrive early to ensure that there is space. If you would like assistance from WEAVE’s legal department you may attend a free triage session at one of our locations. Legal triage will help you to asses your options as well as establish an action plan and a safety plan. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If you are in need of safe shelter you may also call our 24 hour support line at 916.920.2952 to start the screening process. Phone counselors can also help you start safety planning. If you feel that you are in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1 right away for assistance. 
Necesito ayuda para saber si mi problema es en verdad un problema. mi esposo y yo hemos estado casados por 40 años y en este momento estoy pasando por un problema que he pasado ya muchisimas veces en el lapso de 40 años y no se que hacer, como actuar o como enfretar a mi esposo. El y yo hemos estado sin hablarnos ya por un mes, viviendo bajo el mismo techo. Yo le hice una pregunta muy sencilla, y como siempre, me contesto de la misma manera, el me ofendio y me hizo sentir muy mal una vez mas, solo que esta vez si se lo dije, yo le dije; porque siempre me haces sentir como una estupida?, y sali del cuarto me fui a mi recamara y llore de dolor e indignacion, me senti muy lastimada el ni
siquiera se dio por enterado y hasta este dia el se hace el enojado y ofendido, y yo se porque lo conozco, que el me culpa a mi y espera que yo venga a el humillada lo cual yo podria hacer, pero no se como afrontarlo, tengo mucho miedo a sus palabras ofensivas porque no importa que sea, yo siempre tengo que ser la que venga a el, y cuando lo hago siempre termino siendo yo la culpable, la de mal caracter, la orgullosa, la que no sabe
hablar ni como expresarse, el siempre esta bien y siempre tiene la razon. El
me humilla, me ofende y averguenza delante de las personas, me dice que todo
se me olvida que no se lo que digo, que estoy sorda, me puede decir con mucha
facilidad todo lo que, segun el, hago mal o lo que no se hacer, en cambio nunca me dice que hice algo bien y se lo dije en una ocacion, y se quedo sorprendido porque yo nunca le contesto nada aunque me haga sentir que soy vasura. Yo siempre he callado y aguantado todas sus ofensas y casi nunca digo nada, hago lo que el quiera, voy con el a donde quiera aunque yo no lo
quiera, yo no digo nada para no hacerlo enojar y siempre pretendo que todo
esta bien con tal de mantener la armonia. En mi casa yo hago todo el trabajo
de la casa, ahora no estoy trabajando, pero aun cuando trabajaba yo tenia que llegar a casa y hacer todo para los dos. Bueno hay mucho mas que quisiera
decir, pero no quiero tomar mucho de su tiempo, solo quiero saber si yo estoy exagerando las cosas y que debo hacer. Yo quisiera irme de su lado por un tiempo para que el sepa la diferencia entre estar yo a su lado y atenderlo en todo, y entre no estar con el y tener que valerse a si mismo ya que el practicamente es un niño sin su mama, solo que el no lo sabe ya que nunca hemos estado separados por mas de tres dias, solo que yo no tendria a donde ir asi que esta opcion no es posible. No se si esto es algo en lo que me
podrian aconsejar, o quizas necesite hablar con alguien personalmente, o quizas necesitamos consejeria los dos. Por favor necesito un consejo o alguien con quien hablar. 

En respuesta a sus preguntas déjeme decirle en primer lugar que usted no está sola y que su historia que compartió tiene mucho de los elementos de el abuso emocional. Lo importante en este momento es buscar apoyo para usted y poder aprender sobre la dinámica de la violencia doméstica. Considero que su pregunta sobre si sería mejor hablar con alguien personalmente es apropiada ya que de esa manera usted puede empezar a trabajar en un plan seguro y aprender sobre sus opciones. WEAVE le ofrece ese espacio si usted puede asistir a una sesión sin cita está disponible para todas las personas. Usted siempre puede llamar a la línea de apoyo e información 24 hrs al dia.
Gracias por compartir su historia y no dude en contactarnos nuevamente.

Las siguientes son las direcciones y horario al cual usted puede asistir:

Lunes de 4 – 7 PM en 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823

Jueves de 10 AM – 1 PM en 1900 K St. Sacramento, CA 95811 

I seen that you offer legal advice but how do we know if it works? I currently own a house with my abuser, how do I get my name off of the loan so I can leave? How do laws protect you against a stalker? If I leave, he will find me at work, my families house, etc. What can be done about this? Also we have a child together so we would have to see each other, its just a scary situation and I don’t know what to do. No one should ever have to live in fear and there is no excuse for abuse in any form. WEAVE knows that every abusive relationship is unique and that each survivor requires an individual approach. Our legal program includes access to trained legal advocates and, if appropriate, attorneys. As each situation requires different legal remedies the best way to get started is to come in for a free legal triage session. During triage an advocate will help you explore your options, determine your next steps and establish a safety plan. We offer triage at multiple locations for convenience. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. 
I was able to get out of an abusive relationship and got a job where I can support myself but my x boyfriend is very angry and threatening to kill me I want to go to the police but I have a traffice warrant. If I do I might get arrested and then lose my job and it will all be for nothing it took me two years stashing money and planning to get away from him after he beat me up and put me in the hospital what do I do? First I want to commend you for being brave enough to leave a bad situation and ask for help. There is no excuse for the abuse that you have endured. No one deserves to feel threatened or afraid, no matter what their circumstances are. You have many options, including applying for a domestic violence restraining order.  WEAVE offers free legal assistance to help with this process. To access this service you may attend a free legal triage session at one of our locations. This can help you to better understand your rights and options.  Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If you feel that you are in immediate danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of law enforcement.
Are there restrictions accepting women into shelter with PTSD. I was told they are required to have necessary medication before you will accept them. Is that true?  Our domestic violence Safehouse screens potential residents based on many factors including needs and appropriatness for the Safehouse Program. If you are in need of shelter we encourage you to call our 24 hour support and information hotline to begin a screening. Phone counselors can be reached at 916.920.2952
Do you offer help for emotional and verbal abuse too? WEAVE recognizes 5 types of abuse; physical, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual. We offer services to assist survivors of any type of domestic violence. Please call our confidential 24 hour Support and Information hotline at 916.920.2952 for more information about the services we provide. 
I am a domestic violence advocate and I have a victim that has been abused for a year. (Edited for content and identifying information). WEAVE serves the greater Sacramento, CA region and cannot respond to email addresses or telephone numbers left on the message boards due to safety and confidentiality requirements. Please contact law enforcement in your area to determine if the victim you are assisting requires emergency intervention.  Victims in Sacramento can contact WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.  If you are outside of the Sacramento, CA region, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your area 800.799.7233.
I left a domestic violence relationship almost 10 years ago, (WEAVE helped) but the judges gave my son to his father 50/50, since the father never hit him except when he was 7 weeks old.. Now my sone is 12, witnessed another DV incident with the girlfriend, the girlfriend cries all the time, including one night she slept in my son’s room on the floor crying herself to sleep, despite there being 4 bedrooms and two living rooms in their house. Two bedrooms are empty. My son wants to live with me full time, is depressed, and I want to bring him home. I have no money, but his father has an awesome lawyer and plenty of money. Are there resources to help my son, who is still in the situation even though I am not?  Witnessing domestic violence can be very damaging to a child and you are right to be concerned. There are many options and resources to help you and your son. WEAVE’s Free Legal Department can offer you free services and information about your rights. The first step to accessing our legal services is to attend a triage session at one of our two locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If you feel that your son’s life is in danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of law enforcement. 
just a week ago, the man i was seeing for 3 years hit me serveral times, took away my phone so i was unable to call the police and i felt like my life was threatened. He choked me and hit me, my cut on my arm is still recovering i still have 1 bruise on my back, but the rest have gone away. He had damadged a baby gate i had bought for my pets, as well as the walls in my home. What can i legally do for those damadges to be repaired out of his expense. and is there anything i can do at this point to file for domestic
violence. this is not the first time he has done this. but i dont want him anywhere near my property again and i want the damadges payed for. What are my options here? 
You are experiencing domestic violence. You may support 24/7 on our support and information line to help you determine the best course of action. Counselors can be reached anytime at 916.920.2952. WEAVE’s legal department may also be able to offer you resources and guidance. You may access this service by attending a free legal triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  During the legal triage session, you can learn more about your options including a Temporary Restraining Order and about legal recourse you may have regarding the damages. 
Do you guys have any support groups or counseling for leaving an abusive relationship? WEAVE offers individual and group counseling, at sliding scale fees, for domestic violence survivors. You may access these services by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
If a husband constantly harrasses, badger and threatens the wife but has not really hurt her yet but had raised his hand as if he was going to do it…can the wife call WEAVE? What is the # for Modesto, CA WEAVE recognizes 5 types of domestic violence; Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Financial and Spiritual. It sounds like you are experiencing emotional abuse with threats of physical abuse. There are many resources to help you as no one deserves to live in fear. While WEAVE is located in Sacramento the National Domestic Violence Hotline can link you to local resources in the Modesto area. Please call 800.799.7233 to speak to a confidential counselor about your options. If you feel that your life is in danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of local law enforcement. 
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and very much in love. He has never laid a hand on me until this weekend. We were arguing and I pushed him away from me and then he pushd me back, making me fall on the ground. My mom called the cops and he was arrested with a battery charge. I never wanted him to get arrested or anything. He was drunk and we were in a heated argument. I still love him very much but we have a no contact order and have to go to court in two weeks. The attorney said its not my decision whether I want to drop the charges or not. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want him to face time in prison just for pushing me. It wasn’t even that hard. I was wearing flip flops and I fell. I am scared for what might happen in court. Even though we have a no contact order, I am dying to talk to him and tell him how sorry I am that my mom called the cops and that he was arrested. For about two months before this incident, we have been talking about getting married. Even though he pushed me, I still love him to death and still want him in my life. He does have some anger issues but he has been going to counseling and has gotten MUCH better at controlling his anger.  It is always difficult to see someone we love suffer, especially if we blame ourselves for that suffering. It is not your fault that your boyfriend was arrested. Physical violence, in any form, is never part of a healthy relationship. When we are arguing and angry things can often escalate quickly, especially when physical violence is involved. It sounds like the police were called to help de-escalate the situation safely. Law Enforcement has a difficult job to do, especially when it comes to instances of domestic violence. They often have to make tough decisions about what will best keep us safe. Once an arrest has been made it is up to the district attorney to decide if the case will go forward. You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about the situation and how you are feeling. Compassionate and confidential counselors can be reached at anytime by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. You may also speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
How do I safely break away from my bf…a month ago he broke my hand while punching me in the head. Last night I slightly raised my voice he picked me up by my face and throat and slammed me on the kitchen floor..I came to and threw up..my hair was bloody and I could barely stand. He did let me sleep until I left for work this morning…I am not going back, but he knows where I work and he is always saying if I leave he will  kill me and everyone I know.  There is no excuse for the abuse that you have endured and what happened was not your fault. You are also not alone as there are many resources to assit you in leaving safely. It sounds like the physical violence you are experiencing is causing a great deal of harm. For your safety you may wish to consult a medical professional about your head injury. You may also wish to obtain a domestic violence restraining order as a way to increase your personal safety. Speaking to a counselor about your options can also help in determining the best course of action. Confidential and compassionate counselors are available 24/7 on WEAVE’s Support and Information line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. Our phone counselors can help you establish a safety plan and share important information with you about domestic violence. If you feel that your life is in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1. 
I have been in an abusive relationship for 20 years. I have tried to leave but have failed I am scared to death to leave now. How can I leave and be safe? WEAVE can offer you many resources to help you safely leave an abusive relationship. Our counselors can help you develop a safety plan, file for a domestic violence restraining order and assist you in finding a safe place to stay. You may also qualify to stay at our domestic violence safehouse. The first step to accessing these services is to speak to a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952. 
I am currently in an abusive relationship that I need to leave immediately. I have children with special needs. Autism. And they are greatly effected by change. I’m scared to leave this relationship as I am completely dependent on my spouse financially, and just worried about the effect the transition will have on my kids. Can WEAVE help me? Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging especially with children involved. The abuse you have endured is not your fault and you do have options to leave this relationship safely. WEAVE offers many services including; temporary safe shelter, legal assistance, and counseling (for adults and children).  The first step to accessing our services is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. A phone counselor will be able to help you develop a safety plan and determine your best options.  If you feel that your life is in danger we urge you to call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement for safety. 
My girlfriend’s ex was emotionally and physically abusive. I am the first person she has dated since this happened. She filed a PFA against him a year ago and he spent time in jail for violating it. I have been with her for two months and I am trying to figure out ways to gain her trust. Anytime I tell her I am going somewhere or doing something without her she has a tendency to think I am doing something I shouldn’t be, such as meeting other girls. She eventually realizes that is not whats happening but it is still hampering the advancement of our relationship. It has been very hard and any advice would be greatly appreciated.  The physical and emotional trauma of abuse can have a lasting impact on the lives of many survivors. It sounds like your girlfriend may still be struggling to cope with the abuse she endured. Talking to a counselor about how she is feeling may help her to begin healing. You may also find it helpful to talk to a counselor as this can help you find ways to support her as your relationship progresses. WEAVE offers counseling services that may help you both individually and possibly together when you are ready. The first step to accessing our counseling services is to attend a free triage session at one of our locations. Triage is an individual meeting with a counselor where you may share your concerns and goals. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE also offers 24 hour phone counseling on our Information and Support Line and you can reach a counselor anytime by calling 916.920.2952
I have been married almost nine years, the first time my husband hit me was about six years ago. There have been more altercations that have occured, I have never really opened up to anyone about what has been happening to me. I have called 911 twice int he past and no arrests were made. This past weekend we got into an arguement and he put his hands on me. I hit him back in self defense and then called 911 to diffuse the situation. I was arrested and taken to jail. He manipulated the situation and the officer’s believed him. I am now facing a felony, while he, the real abuser is bragging to his friends about getting me locked up. I did not cause any great bodily damage to him, but he managed to make a small scratch bleed for the officer. What can I do? First I want to commend you for coming forward and asking for help. Sharing your story is incredibly brave and there is no excuse for the abuse you have endured. Law enforcement has a very difficult job and often have to make tough decisions. Please know that you do have options and there are resources to help you. Counselors are available 24/7 on our support and information line to listen, offer resources and help you determine the best course of action. Counselors can be reached anytime at 916.920.2952. WEAVE’s legal department may also be able to offer you resources and guidance. You may access this service by attending a free legal triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
Please help I’ve been with my partner 8 years and in the last 3 he has become physically violent i’ve tried ending it yet he tries to kill himself he strangled me tonight i nearly blacked out felt my body go limp was so scary he smashes everything up help me please we have 2 small kids together and they have witnessed this i’m scared he will die i have seen him try killing himself he crys and says he needs help that he dont realise what he does till after Living with abuse, of any type, can be very frightening. Please know that the abuse is not your fault and you do have options. WEAVE’s counselors can help you develop a safety plan to help ensure that you and your children are protected. You may also find it useful to obtain a domestic violence restraining order to protect you further.  You may also qualify to stay in our domestic violence safehouse if you choose to leave the relationship.  Phone counselors can also offer you resources that may help your partner get help as well.  WEAVE also knows that witnessing violence can be very scary for children and cause emotional harm. We offer counseling services for children to help them begin to heal as well.  The first step to accessing these resources is to call our confidential 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  You may also choose to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session at one of our counseling centers.  Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  If you feel that your life, or the lives of your children, may be in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1 for help.
How do I know what is considered domestic violence?  WEAVE recognizes 5 types of domestic violence; Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Financial and Spiritual. All of these types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. These types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations. For help identifying specific behaviors please call our 24 hour support and information line at 916.920.2952. 
Hi, I was told that WEAVE provides services for women who are married to compulsice gamblers. Is this true? how does the agency see this as violence? He has complete control over the money and has gambled so much away. I want to leave but can’t b/c of financial reasons. I don’t know what to do. Please help, thank you. WEAVE recognizes 5 types of abuse; physical, emotional, sexual, financial and spiritual. Financial abuse occurs when one partner has complete control over the finances in the relationship. In a healthy relationship both partners will communicate and make financial decisions together. It sounds like your partner is controlling your finances and making decisions you do not agree with. WEAVE can help by offering support, resources and options. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on our support and information line to help and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952
Not sure I belong here, but a friend recommended. I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband is mostly loving toward me and the two kids, but I think he may be depressed or have something else wrong. He has explosive anger (not new) and though it doesn’t happen often, I find myself constantly orchestrating situations to avoid him blowing up at the kids or anyone else. I handle the kids care/activities, housework and basically everything just to keep things running smooth with no drama. He choked me once about 9 years ago and never again. I am stressed from years of walking on eggshells, but I am pretty sure he would commit suicide if I left, so it seems easier to stay. I am not afraid of him, just of what he is capable of doing. We both work, but we keep our money separate, so he has much more than i do. Feeling very trapped. Friend pressures me to leave, but I feel we may be better off staying for now. 

A healthy relationship consists of equality, trust, cooperation and communication. While it is normal for couples to disagree or argue a times this should not be part of every day life. Domestic violence often happens in three phases: The tension building phase (described by many survivors as “walking on egg shells”) The explosion phase (where abusive behaviors occur) and The false honeymoon phase (where things may seem calm and affectionate again).  It sounds like you are under constant pressure to keep the peace and avoid the explosion phase. I want to commend you for working so hard to keep this together; but also remind you that the behaviors you are seeing are not your fault. In a healthy relationship there is a partnership and both people work together, but it sounds like you are doing a lot of the work. Physical violence is also never part of a healthy relationship as love should never hurt us. The choice to stay or leave is yours to make and you should not feel pressured by anyone.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor to asses what your options are and develop a safety plan. WEAVE can help you with safety planning while you are in your relationship or after you have left as we know leaving can be a difficult decision. You can speak to a counselor on the phone anytime by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Hotline at 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session.  We offer triage at multiple locations on multiple days to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.

I have been a victim of Domestic abuse for 15 yrs. My husband is mentally ill. We have been through alot. For the last 4-5 yrs we have been seeing a marriage counselor. Even thouth I would express to her my concerns, it was almost like she was enabling him. She wuld tell me that I need to stop and ask him “Is this rational thinking?” Like he’s going to respond to that rationally.  Anyway we are separated right now. I’m feeling guilt because I Love him and I feel selfish because our son is upset. My thoughts are mental illness or not how much is 1 person supposed to take? My other issue is now I’m back in school and having to write a research paper on domestic violence. It’s supposed to be objective, formal not personal. I’m having a hard time narrowing down the issue I want to address and my research question. It’s really difficult to write a paper you know alot about personally from a non-opinion based stand point. Any suggestions? Living with abuse can be very emotionally challenging; even more so when other factors, like mental illness, are present.  While feelings of guilt are normal it is important to remember the abuse was not your fault. Choosing to remove yourself from an abusive situation takes a lot of courage and it sounds like you have made the best choice for your well being.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about the separation and the feelings you are experiencing.  It may also help you learn ways to cope with your situation so you may begin to heal.  It is often difficult to be objective about a subject close to us, especially when we are still working through the emotions.  You may find that speaking to a counselor will help to narrow down a topic that you are comfortable with.  Phone counselors are available on WEAVE’s Support and Information Line 24/7 and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session at one of our locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
My sister is in domestic violence relationship with her boyfriend, I feel so helpless because everything seems worse for her now. How can I get help for her? She won’t get some help and think he will change. it has been  more a year. My sister have a beautiful daughter and her father just starting yell and slap her. I am scared if something happen to them. Thank you It is never easy to watch a loved one suffer or be harmed.  There are many reasons why someone may choose to stay in an abusive relationship. There are also many options and resources you may share with your sister as you support her.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor on our 24 hour support and information line by calling 916.920.2952.  Our phone counselors can help you better understand the cycle of violence, help you find ways to talk to your sister about your concerns and give you options to share with her. If you feel that your sister’s child is being harmed as part of the abuse it is important to know you can contact law enforcement or child protective services.  Our phone counselors can also help you determine the best way to approach this situation.  If you suspect child abuse you may contact the California Department of Social Services 800-422-4453
I have a friend, my girlfriends best friend, who is trying to escape her relationship with the ex-con. She lives in his house and has a young daughter with him. Several times she has tried to leave him and he has threatened to kill her and the children. He knows where my girlfriend lives so she can’t go there and he knows where the kids go to school. I suggested a safehouse but the kids still need to go to school. Do you have a program where you can take her away from the situation and somehow get his probation officer to keep him away from her? He is unpredictable and kind of crazy, especially when he drinks. It sounds like your friend is in a very dangerous situation and I want to thank you for reaching out for help.  Your friend may qualify for services at WEAVE’s domestic violence Safehouse which also has a charter school the children may attend. She may also want to consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order to help further protect herself and the children. The first step to accessing this service is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and complete a phone screening.  Our phone counselors will help your friend determine the best course of action and develop a safety plan.  If at any time you feel your friend’s life may be in danger we encourage you to call 9-1-1 for help. 
I have been in a mentally and physically abusive relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year. This has turned my world upside down. He hit me so hard I now have seizures. I can no longer work at my job have had to move several times and will probably next lose my medical benefits unless I find another job. He always blames his violent outbursts on me. And most of the time I believe its my fault. I also have anger problems of my own and sometimes things get so intense I end up hitting back usually in self defense. I’m scared he’s going to kill me. He’s so manipulative and absolutely makes me feel like I’m living inside a tornado 2/7 I can’t think I can’t get things done for myself. I recently left and stayed with a relative. But he found me and this time was angery and trying to fore me to leave with him. I refused. I’m scared to file a restraining order because I know he will have to be served with the paperwork. I’m scared to death that he will kill me if I file. What can I do about this irrational fear I’m left with (edited for length) Survivors of domestic violence face many obstacles, including fear, when trying to leave an abusive partner. There is no excuse for the abuse that you have already endured but there are many resources that may be able to help you leave safely.  You may qualify for services at WEAVE including; temporary safe shelter, legal assistance, counseling and safety planning.  The first step to accessing these services is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Our phone counselors can help you begin a safety plan and you may also complete a screening for placement in our Safehouse. The fear you are feeling is rational and we believe you when you say your life may be in danger.  Speaking to a counselor may also help you begin to heal from the abuse.  If you prefer to speak to a counselor in person you may attend a free triage session at one of our locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
do you guys have domestic violence classes? I have a cps case with services terminated and need to get help in continuing them on my own.

WEAVE offers a variety of counseling programs that may help you meet your needs and goals. The first step to accessing our counseling services is to attend a free triage session, this is a one on one assessment with a counselor to determine how we can best meet your needs. We offer triage on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.

When my husband and I get frustrated with out kids, we lose our cool. We yell. It’s probably not uncommon. But my husband doesn’t just yell. Sometimes he will smack them in the head. Not enough to hurt them, really. Their feelings are hurt more. And he justifies it by saying “I barely touched him.” he also will grab them by the arm and yank them to come with him. Again, not hard enough to do damage (although they do cry). When they cry, he responds “I barely touched you!” Last night he was angry at bedtime, and slammed their door so hard the mirror got knocked loose. No one was hurt. My question is…is wha he doing wrong? Should I be concerned about the behavior escalating? I know I raise my voice with my kids sometimes, but this feels different. What should I do?  It is always important to follow your instincts when you feel that a behavior is abnormal. Everyone expresses anger in a different way and it is normal to become frustrated as a parent; however there are healthy and unhealthy ways to act upon this frustration. Fear of physical retaliation is never part of a healthy relationship and it is good to recognize these red flags early. You and your husband may find it helpful to speak to a counselor (alone or together) to discuss the behaviors you are uncomfortable with and work on healthier ways to manage frustration. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on WEAVE’s Support and Information line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. WEAVE also offers community counseling, at sliding scale fees, where you can talk with a counselor in person. The first step to accessing this service is attending a free triage session which we offer on multiple days and times to meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
I live in ca. and I need to see if someone can give me some advice to see how I can get someone to help my 21 year old daughter.  She left to Texas and she is in an abuse relationship. (edited to remove identifying information) It can be very difficult to see a loved one experiencing abuse, especially so when they live far away.  Please know that help is available and that you do not have to face this alone. Counselors on our Support and Information line are available 24/7 to help and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. WEAVE is unique to the Sacramento Region, however the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you find resources closer to your daughter.  Their 24 Hour hotline can be reached by calling 800.621.4673.
   
I have been physically and emotionally abused for 29 years not knowing that there maybe help for me..I was offered a new home away from my husband who found out where I was going so I had to turn it down they have now suspended my bidding for housing… Although my children are 19 and 24 they still live with me because they think they need to stay with me because of the abuse, I donot want it to continue to rule their lives like mine..is there financial help for me if when I can I bid again for housing although my children are as old as they are, ones unemployed and one has a congenical condition…? I work p/t so my income is not great. Please can you advise me? WEAVE knows that domestic violence hurts everyone and can have a lasting impact.  You are doing the right thing by trying to break the cycle of violence and removing yourself and your children from the situation.  Survivors can face many obstacles in their path to safety and WEAVE is here to help make this process easier for you.  You may find it helpful to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Our phone counselors will help you decide the best options for your family. You may also qualify for our domestic violence safehouse which offers shelter, case management and assistance with housing concerns.
If I need to go to your shelter to get away from my sons father bcuz he won’t stop hurting me N I’m scared of him. I’m scared to be home alone. I don’t want him to go to hail..I just want him to go away n leave us alone. Do you help people even if they aren’t trying to put the abuser in jail? Fear should never be part of any relationship and you are doing the right thing by seeking safety for yourself and your son.  WEAVE knows that leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and overwhelming, that is why we offer assistance to survivors whether charges are pressed or not.  The abuse you have endured is not your fault and everyone deserves to feel safe. The first step to accessing WEAVE’s Domestic Violence Safehouse is to call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 and complete a screening over the phone.  A compassionate and non judgmental counselor will work with you to determine the best options to help you achieve safety.  If at any time you feel that you are in danger we encourage you to call  9-1-1 for help.  
I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 5 years now that is mostly emotionally abusive but has on occasion become physical as well. We have two young children (2 and 4) and I do not want them seeing our dysfunctional relationship and thinking it is normal. I am ready mentally to leave the relationship but need to know about getting him to move (the lease for our current home is in my name only) and about retaining ownership of our car. (The car was paid for with one of my tax refunds and is in my name bue he always says he is taking it when we get in an argument and will leave me and the kids stranded with no car). I am the only one with a job and we have childcare for the kids already when I am at work bu I need a car to be able to get to and from work especially so I can also drop off and pick up my kids from daycare. What are my options for making him leave without the car? WEAVE understands that abuse can come in many forms and whether emotional or physical the abuse can have lasting effects. I want to commend you for recognizing the need to create a healthier situation for you and your children. Survivors may face many obstacles while seeking safety from abuse, but please know that you have options and resources. WEAVE offers free legal support to survivors including help with domestic violence restraining orders, court prep and child custody.  Our legal advocates can help you determine the best options to end this relationship safely while meeting your goals.  The first step to accessing our legal services is attending a triage session. We offer legal triage on multiple days and locations. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  

This morning my partner hit me during an arguement I phoned the police just to get him to leave but because ive phoned them they have to follow it up and he’s now been arrested why do I feel guilty for it when I no it was the right thing to do

 

You did the right thing to keep yourself safe.  You are not responsible for his arrest – he would not have been arrested if he had not assaulted you.  You are likely feeling a lot of emotions – including guilt – and all are normal.  It is important that you not blame yourself for his actions (we know this can be tough).  WEAVE is here to support you and help you find resources.  You can call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 anytime to talk with an advocate and learn more about what resources are available to you.  This is not your fault and you deserve to be safe and happy.

Is there a program to financially help women who are in a domestic violence relationship who wants to leave and/or have left the relationship but are financially struggling?
 

While WEAVE does not provide direct financial support, we do offer a variety of supportive programs which are free to victims of domestic violence.  Our Safehouse program offers temporary confidential shelter to victims and their children as well as case management and counseling during the stay.  We also offer a legal program which can provide limited legal support in obtaining a Temporary Restraining Order, filing for dissolution, etc.  To learn more about WEAVE’s programs and other community resources, call our Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

This is difficult for me to write, even though it is anonymous. In my teens and into young adulthood [I am 23], a male member–whom I’d like to keep anonymous–of my family was emotionally and verbally abusive. Consequently, and predictably, this was quite damaging to my self-esteem and self-confidence (and trust in men). It also has scarred me a bit with regards to courting. I am afraid to court any gentleman because I fear attracting someone who will mistreat me the way my family member did. I did get paperwork about recognising the signs of abusive relationships vs. healthy relationships, and I’ve saved those. But how can I overcome this fear of men, so to speak, since I know a lot of men are quite caring and compassionate?
 

When you have experienced abuse of any kind – verbal, emotional, spiritual, financial and/or physical – it is completely normal to feel those affects long after the abuse has stopped.  Your concerns about trusting others in relationships is also normal.  Because the damage from the abuse continues to affect you and cause you concern, you may wish to seek counseling to address it and heal from the impact.  WEAVE provides counseling services for Sacramento (CA) area residents.  If you live in the area and would like to learn more about our counseling services, you can begin by attending an in-person triage session with a counselor.  You may also find it helpful to speak to counselor in person by attending a free triage session. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street, 95811) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, 95823) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. You may also contact our 24 hour Support & Information Line to gain support from a trained advocate – 916.920.2952.

Hi, I’m not sure what I’ve been through (I never was or saw this kind of situation), but I always doubt of mental illness from my partner. Making some researches over internet with examples of my life with him, I found an article with characteristics of a psychopath and, unfortunately, most of ‘em match with me, such as, first, I feel I’m going crazy (that I’m the one who’s crazy instead of him and that’s something wrong with me or that I’m the guilty), then, I’m always afraid of him (of me talking, of me doing something, even while explaining – which is a constant situation – of me being misunderstood; I’m never heard, I’m ignored), he changes drastically from the most lovely to the repugnant, he has a really sad and disturbed past (which I prefer not mentioning); we also have experiences of mental and physical violence and threatenings and .. even more another things. Besides, I’m really young (21, and he, 30). I am happy and such a positive person, so I really wanted to not think this about him or us and find a good solution for our relantioship, but I’m really worried, especially at the moment, because we’re planning to marry soon. I don’t want to talk about this with anybody else around me, so I really hope you’d give me an answer. Thanks.
 

It is normal to feel like you are to blame in an abusive relationship.  Abusers often manipulate to make their partner feel confused and at even “crazy”.  Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect – never violence.  You may want to contact our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with an advocate who can support you and explain more about domestic violence.  WEAVE also offers counseling and other supportive services – resources that may be very beneficial as you consider if being in a marriage with this person is healthy for you.

 how can i help myself and my mom from her bf he is hitting her?? and he push me….he has been scream and talking about us im so scared

 

If you believe you and/or your mom are in danger, call 911.  WEAVE has a 24 hour Support & Information Line to support you – 916.920.2952.  You can call this number to find out about supportive services like shelter and counseling. 

Do you know of any places that will help a woman with a medium sized dog with food and shelter to get away from two abusive men in her life?

 

WEAVE works with a local animal shelter which can board a dog for a domestic violence victim staying at the WEAVE Safehouse.  The first step to finding out if the Safehouse is the right option for you is to contact the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 – let them know you have a dog that will need to be boarded and ask for assistance. 

My sister is in a violent relationship. She continues to tell me that she doesnt want to be in the relationship but she always goes back. is their any sort of mental help that weave can provide to her. Maybe if somebody else outside of the family was to give some words of advise she may listen. She feels as if she has to settle for the dumbest loser because nobody else will ever want her. Sorry for the mean words but i get upset because she is a smart, nice, girl, who could have more going for her if he would stop knocking her down. I wish that she would get so help.
 

It is incredibly hard to watch someone you love be abused.  WEAVE offers a variety of services which your sister can access – when she is ready.  WEAVE services include safe and confidential shelter, legal assistance, and therapeutic counseling.  Abusers use power and control to make their victims feel “less than” and work to isolate them and it sounds like your sister has endured a lot of abuse which has affected her self-esteem.  Please continue to be a support system for her – abuser count on family and friends getting frustrated to further isolate a victim.  If she knows she has support, it will be easier for her to take the first steps.  A resource you can give your sister is WEAVE’s 24 hour Support Line – 916.920.2952.  Advocates answer the line and can validate what she’s experiencing, provide her with options, and link her to WEAVE services.  The line is also available to you if you need to talk with someone about how to support your sister.
I went through domestic violence in 2004. am I entitled to get the photographs of myself back from the courts to help me move on in life and get people to believe in me in what he has done to me. there pictures of myself. is there a legal chanel i can go down to get these back. he is controlling other women that get in contact with me as i have his children and i was with him for 17 years and he intimidated me to get him off lightly which i did, which now i regert. but i want to stop women getting hurt by him and for his family to believe me what he can do and will do.  Surviving domestic violence can be a very challenging road, especially if there is still contact after you have escaped.  Law enforcement collects pictures and other evidence as part of their investigation when a report is filed.  The law enforcement agency you filed your initial report with may be able to help you and the first step to finding out is to contact them via phone.  Healing from the trauma of domestic violence is a process with many stages.  You may find it useful to speak to a counselor about the feelings you are experiencing and the best ways you can cope with those feelings.  It is commendable to want to protect the other women he may be harming, but it is important to remember that your personal well being must be the priority.  Counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our support and information line and can help you decide the next steps that are right for you.  Counselors can be reached by calling 916.920.2952

I’m 19 and a college student. This is my last year living at home as I will be transferring to another college and staying there. I have 2 younger sisters; 14 and 6. My father is extremely violent, and abusive. He has not laid a hond on us however he has done so to my mother on multiple occasions. He is intimidating and all my life I have grown to be scared of him. My sisters have begged her to leave but she is too afraid. I don’t know what to do. At this point I have come to believe my mother will never leave him because she still loves him after everything he has done. (edited for length) What I want to know is what can I do legally to save my sisters from this terrible home? I don’t know if taking my sisters away from my parents would be a better choice than for them to live here. Perhaps you can lead me in the right direction. Thank you again and I hope to hear from anyone as soon as possible.

First I want to commend you for reaching out and protecting your sisters. They are very lucky to have someone like you looking out for them. Domestic violence impacts every member of the family and can have very lasting effects.  There are a number of reasons why your mom may not be able to leave as survivors often face many obstacles in doing so.  There are resources who can help your mom and sisters to find safety and to begin healing from the trauma already endured. It is difficult to watch family members suffer but please know that you have many options that can help you achieve your safety goals. An important first step is to speak to a counselor about your situation and options.  This process can also help you to develop a safety plan and learn ways to talk to your mom about you concerns.  WEAVE’s phone counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You may also find it helpful to speak to counselor in person by attending a free triage session.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  If at any time you feel that you, or your family, are in danger it is important to call 9-1-1 for immediate assistance. 
My husband is drunkard and always doubts my virginityand always asks me to go out of the house. he always listens to his dad and will treat me as servant he needs only sex from me. I hv given him more by not going illegally now I am fed up? It sounds like you are in a very unhealthy relationship with your husband and there is no excuse for being treated less than equal.  WEAVE offers many services that may help you to fix the relationship or leave the relationship if you choose.  Phone counselors are always available on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor in person at a free triage session. We offer legal triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
My husband hit me and I want to report it to the police, but I don’t want him to find out, is that possible? Many survivors fear that reporting abuse will upset their partner further or even cause more violence. Reporting can be a scary step but there are many safeguards you can utilize to maximize your protection throughout this process.  You may wish to start by contacting your local law enforcement and sharing your concerns about reporting.  This will allow you to determine your best options in terms of reporting.  Depending on the situation you may also wish to apply for a domestic violence restraining order and put together a safety plan if you would like to leave the relationship.  WEAVE offers free legal counseling as well as assistance with safety planning and the option of temporary shelter.  You may contact a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  You may also speak to a counselor in person at a free triage session.  We offer legal triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
Can my ex husband take my kids away from me (we have joint custody) my current boyfriend has a domestic violence charge against him in another state, which he is on probation for and he has a domestic violence charge with me (which I dropped the charges) we both had been drinking he tried to leave I didn’t want him to and when I tried to stop him he pushed me, I was mad and called the cops…since then we both have quit drinking and he has went thru 26 weeks of domestic violence classes and he is a different person…i believe everyone deserves a second change…anyone can change. Sharing child custody can be challenging and it is important to always keep the best interests and safety of the child in mind.  It sounds as though you and your boyfriend are both trying to achieve a healthier relationship and a safer environment in your home.  The court system takes many factors into account when deciding child custody including safety.  Your ex husband may be worried for your child’s safety and well being due to the past domestic violence.  It is important to work together in deciding what is best for the child you share.  You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either by phone or in person, to decide your best course of action.  WEAVE’s phone counselors can be reached anytime on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  We also offer free, in person, counseling triage sessions to help you better address your needs.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  
How do I go about finding out if my sister needs to escape a violent life, with a man who has kept her from her family for years and years. She has tried to contact some family and he has her so brainwashed that she believes him. She tried to contact me a few days ago but couldn’t get my number. When I called her home, her husband wouldn’t let me talk to her and said that if I didn’t speak to him, I would never see my family
again. He is again after 20 years tearing our family apart. I need to find out if she wants to leave hem. She desparately needs help. Will someone help me bring my sister home to live out her last years in peace. thank you for your help, I need to know how I can do this very carefully as to not
get him upset. He also beat me up years ago and killed their cat and who knows what else. Thank you
 
Seeing a loved one experience domestic violence can be a very difficult experience and WEAVE knows that violence hurts everyone involved. WEAVE believes that there are 5 types of domestic abuse: Physical, Emotional, Financial, Sexual and Spiritual. In a healthy relationship both partners should have the freedom to speak to family and make individual choices. It sounds like your sister is experiencing emotional abuse and being isolated from her family in her marriage. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Region, there may be domestic violence agencies near her that can help. You may wish to contact our friends at the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling their 24 hour support line 800-799-7233.  For safety reasons WEAVE is not able to contact potential victims or family members by telephone.
What can I do with my belongings if I come with my baby and stay on the shelter to escape. Do I leave everything. Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles as they seek safety including loss of personal belongings.  WEAVE is here to help you with safety planning and help you decide the best options for your situation.  Phone counselors are available on our Support and Information Line 24 Hours a day and are here to help you brainstorm ways to store or move your belongings safely.  Phone counselors can also answer any questions you have about coming to the shelter and helpful steps you can take to prepare.  Please call 916.920.2952 to speak to a counselor today. 
After we both have been drinking my girlfriend attacked me while I was attempting to leave. While trying to get her off my back we hit heads and fell on the porch railing. As a result she received a lump on her forehead and a black eye, I received a mark crossed my neck. She then became enraged kicking and punching me repeatedly as I continued to try to leave. I called the police and was arrested when is all the marks on her face. How is that not self defense? Law enforcement must use multiple factors when determinging the primary aggressor in a domestic violence response. This can include severity of injuries and evidence that an injury was the result of self-defense amongst many other factors. You can talk with your attorney about your options in demonstrating that an injury was caused by efforts to defend yourself.  We hope you know that violence in any relationship is never healthy and drinking/drug use may contribute to violence but should not be used to minimize the violence. You may want to contact WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with an advocate about resources to help support you.
I have a dear friend who is a survivor of severe child abuse and addiction. She was also in an abusive marriage, and now has a physically/mentally abusive boyfriend. She has just started to ge counseling, and I am very hopeful her situation will improve. She does not have full custody of her children, and has had very negative interactions with CPS. Her 9 year old son, who has witnessed some of her abuse, is now starting to kick, hit and threaten her. He will scream “I’m going to kill you” over and over if she tries to correct him. Is there any help available for children, without going through CPS? She is afraid if she asks for help from CPS she will be seen at fault. Thanks for any imput. It sounds like your friend is in need of support and assistance with her son’s behavior. Being a survivor of domestic violence and child abuse is a large burden to bear and it sounds like her 9 year old is beginning to model some abusive behaviors. WEAVE believes that abuse is a learned behavior and can therefore be unlearned with the right support and resources. Depending on her custody arrangement she may be able to seek help and counseling services if she is uncomfortable working with CPS. If there is a case currently open with CPS, or they are part of the custody arrangement then she may need to speak with them about options. It is important to remember that the goal of CPS is to act in the best interest of the child to better the situation. WEAVE offers sliding scale fee counseling services for children, however in order to see a child we must have the consent of all parties with custodial rights. It may be helpful for you, or your friend, to speak to a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line for guidance at 916.920.2952. You friend may also consider speaking with the counselor at her son’s school as they can also be a helpful resource and may be able to refer her to a support group for parents. 
My sister and her ex-husband are court ordered to go to counseling for their son. They went recently,and he told her she needs to disappear, he said, “In fact you are going to disappear.” What can she do? I am highly considered for her. They share 50/50 custody of their son. It sounds like your family is involved in a very difficult situation with her ex-husband. It is important that she take his threats seriously and document any threats he has made. As a first step she may apply for a domestic violence restraining order or make a report of the threat to law enforcement. A domestic violence restraining order can help to protect your sister and her son. She may also want to consider putting together a safety plan and finding a safe place to stay. WEAVE can help her get started on the paperwork and she may qualify to stay at our domestic violence safehouse. You, or your sister, may call our 24 Hour Support and Information line at any time for assistance at 916.920.2952. She may also wish to speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. Thank you for supporting your sister and looking out for her safety. 
hi my husband and i got into a fight and i went to get a
restraining order against him and the judge denied everything and i have a 10
month old son and im afraid for my safety and my sons safety and the officer that came to take the report said it was mutual aggression even thought i was defending my self
 
Navigating the court system can be frustrating especially when we are already under stress due to domestic violence. Please know that you are not alone and you do have options. WEAVE offers survivors of domestic violence many services including counseling, confidential shelter and free legal assistance. You may find it helpful to speak with a legal advocate about your options by attending a free legal triage session. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
I have an employee of mine where her husband is beating her. She has 3 chldren and nowhere to go. She is tracked from Work and Back so she cannot have anytime away from him. She was injured today and sent to the hospital. She is afraid to report him because she will be kicked out in the street with nowhere to go. I am willing to assist – but not sure how to help this person. She has confided in me what the situation is. We have though
about taking up a collection to get her a place to stay – an apartment or something until she gets off her feet. Is there something else we can do. Can WEAVE help here at all. I dont want her thrown out in the street – I live 65 miles away so having her live with us is not an option (plus I am a supervisor) and it is against policy and get us both fired. She is employed Full Time and has income, but not enough saved to get away from the
situation. What are your suggestions?
 
Thank you for be concerned for your co-worker. So many victims are completely isolated without any support and your willingness to help find options is critical to this woman. WEAVE operates a confidential Safehouse program for victims of domestic violence throughout the greater Sacramento region. If she is willing and qualifies for the program, she would have housing and many onsite supportive services – including accessing safe housing. The first step for your colleague would be to call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. She can talk with an advocate about her situation and options. The advocate will also talk with her about creating a safety plan and can initiate the Safehouse intake process if this is appropriate and what she wants to do. In addition to the Safehouse program, WEAVE offers counseling and legal assistance which may be of interest although we recognize the challenges when a victim is being monitored by an abuser on a constant basis. We also wanted to extend another service to you as her employer. WEAVE provides a training aimed at supervisors and HR professionals called “Silence Doesn’t Work Here”. The training helps educate employers about what to look for if they suspect domestic violence, how to effectively support a victim, how to create policies which support victims in the workplace and advises HR professionals about legal protections for victims in the workplace. We recognize the timing of this training may be too sensitive right now but want you to be aware it is available if you are interested. The training can be requested by calling WEAVE’s Business Line at 916.448.2321and asking to speak with the Prevention & Education Lead who can schedule the presentation. Thank you again for the support you are showing and your efforts to help. Isolation is what keeps many victims in a violent relationship and even just one supportive person can be all that it takes to help a victim take the next step.
 
Hi i am 25 and had to move back in with my parents to both help us financialy. Due to my dad being laid off and my fiance being injured at work. I really didnt want to move home due to the verbal abuse I new I was going to experiance again from my father. As to make things worse about a month ago I called the cops on my father for pushing me and my fiance as a verbal assult
escalted and we were tring to talk him down he was not to come back to the house for the night but my mother continuosly feels guilty cause he doesn’t have any where to go allowing him to continue with his behavior. I’m not sure of my rights due to its not my house and its my father and my mother allows herself and us to be constantly verbaly assaulted. I worrie cause I am soon to deliver and not sure that I can just pick up and leave yet know I cannot
bring my child into this let alone the effects that it may have already had on her.
 
Family violence can be very stressful and no one deserves to be physically or verbally assaulted. Please know that you are not alone and you do have options. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about your situations and brainstorm solutions. This will also help you to discover what resources the community has to offer that may be able to help you through this difficult time. WEAVE’s counselors are available 24/7 on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also find it helpful to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session here at WEAVE. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
my sister inlaw has learning difficluties and had her baby taken by social services. shes with the father still and she beats him for silly things like wanted a bath she has ocd so has baths 2-3 times a day. its getting bad lately she has been married for a year in march. he is a illegal citizen in the uk from tunisa. she is saying she wants a baby. what should I do i fell terrible for him. she has a bad reputation she cheats and sleeps around. help It sounds like your family is in a difficult situation and is in need of support. It is important to support him and let him know that he does have options besides staying in the violent relationship. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the Greater Sacramento Region you may find it helpful to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources, support and options. Their 24 hour support line can be reached by calling 800-799-7233
What if you have stay away order but he comes around. I am scared to tell him, to leave he tells me I would be taken care of if I cross him again. Please help Dealing with a violent relationship can be very stressful and it is important to know you do have options and support. When it comes to a restraining order there can be serious consequences if the order is violated. It is important to document any threats and contact law enforcement anytime you feel you are in danger. You may also consider putting together a safety plan to help you protect yourself and leave quickly if needed. WEAVE’s counselors can help you with options either in person or over the phone. You may contact a counselor anytime by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. You may also wish to meet with a counselor in person for assistance and resources by attending a free legal triage session. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.  
im the noncustodial parent and my daughter has lived with me for 30 months. Her father was very controlling and verbally abusive and i signed a document stating that he can keep physical custody of her so that he would not have to ever pay child support. I signed so that he would let her ome live with me in Texas. He has not provided for her at all financially and threatend that he will come take her if i file for child support. The few times he calls he yells at her for not calling him although she just turned ten. A week ago she told her counselor that he would hold her under freezing water on a daily basis because he said she midbehaved and was a bad girl. She is scared and doesn’t want to go to school because she thinks he will come get her. She is attending counseling and told the counseler she wants to leave the united states to be far from him. I dont know what to do. Do i report this to the police. Im scared that if he finds out my address and i confront him he will come and take her because he has legal custody. What do i do. I dont have money for an attorney and legal aid is not helping. I want my daughter to feel safe. I want to feel safe. He is a scary person when upset and is very difficult to talk to. He is now a pastor and said that no one would believe us anyways because she took so long to tell someone Survivors of domestic violence face many obstacles both before and after leaving an abusive partner. Child custody can be especially challenging but it is important to know that you do have options. You can contact law enforcement, now matter how long ago the abuse happened. WEAVE knows, and so does law enforcement, that children aren’t always able to tell us right away when something bad happens. It is important to protect her and believe her now that she has come forward. If he is hurting her, and punishing her in abusive way then the issue of legal custody can be readdressed by the courts. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Area you may find it helpful to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources and support by calling 800.621.4673. You may also find it helpful to speak with your daughter’s counselor for guidance and to determine your next steps. There are many resources to help you through this who will believe you and help you, and your daughter, to heal. 
Are there any support groups for people who have recently left an abusive marriage? After over a decade of (mostly emotional, but some physical) abuse, I secretly moved out while he was away but feel really alone and abandonded by many of our mutual friends who don’t know of his abuse and have given me the cold shoulder. He moved me 500 miles away from all of my family before he started the abuse, so – while I’m glad to be out – I feel isolated and would like to listen to or maybe talk with other people who are in or have been in a similar situation. First, I want to commend you for having the courage to escape abuse and ask for help. Emotional and physical abuse are never part of a healthy relationship and WEAVE knows that survivors often need a support system to help them heal. WEAVE offers both group and individual counseling to accommodate the needs of survivors at every stage of the healing process. Attending a free triage session is the first step towards accessing our counseling services, and triage is offered as a walk in service on multiple days at two different locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. If you are outside of the Sacramento area you may wish to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to locate services in your area at 800.621.4673
I do not have an issue with an ex boyfriend. My issue is with my sister. She has been so verbally abusive towards me. I was losing sleep because of it. I told her to never contact me again. My doctor does not want me to be under extra stress. Well, she emailed me and said horrible things to me. She never threatened me. She just said things that would make anyone feel worthless and horrible. I was so upset that I vomited after reading it. What can I do to make her leave me alone? Can I contact police or get a restraining order when she lives in nanometer state? We are both adults. I am pregnant and having complications, my doctor does not want me to be under stress. Family violence, whether verbal or physical, can be very stressful and have a negative impact on our lives. There are several options you have including making a report to law enforcement or trying to obtain a restraining order. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about what your sister has done to you and review your options for moving forward. You can call WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line anytime to speak with a counselor at 916.920.2952
I recently signed a warrant on my husband who i have been separated from for a year for threatening to kill me on my voicemail at work. I left him after 15 years of a very rocky roller coaster of physical, emotional, and financial abuse. He is currently in jail and because of unpaid traffic tickets he will not get out for three weeks. He has never been in jail for more than a night. The voicemails from my job were erased after 7 days and now I feel i do not have a case. He has threatened to take my children, kill me, call child protective services, slander me on facebook and to all of my friends and relatives, etc. Leaving him has really been a nightmare for me. He told me that he will find me wherever I go. I am extremely scared and I don’t feel that my counselor, lawyer or police officers know what type of danger I am in, and I have no more evidence. I dread the day he gets out. I don’t know what to do. I feel I made a mistake and put my life and my children’s in greater danger than ever.
 
Reporting an abusive partner is a very big step, which can be scary and very emotional for a survivor. Please do not doubt yourself as you absolutely did the right thing for your safety and that of your children. It is important to document everything you remember from the voicemail or from any past instances of abuse. You may wish to contact law enforcement and ask if any of the officers heard the voicemail/threats, if so it will be mentioned in their reports which would validate the threats. WEAVE offers free legal assistance and you may attend a triage session with a legal advocate to assess your situation. WEAVE offers legal triage at two locations; our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. You may also speak to a phone counselor anytime by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
my on and off boyfriend which is also the father of my daughter and my unborn son is abusive from time to time.. i dont agree and like it and have tried to leave him so many times but each time i do and he finds me at my parents house he ends up making a scene at my parents house which forces
me to just go ahead and just do what he says and go with back with him. well i am 8 mos pregnant and i want to get out of this abusive relationship. the last time he hit me was a couple days ago and he pretty much was hitting me while i had was almost laying flat on the ground on my stomach and when my daughter woke up from the noise (she is only 19 mos) he backed off for a
quick second but continued to hit me and bang my head on the wall which gave me 2 big lumps on my forehead and a small laceration on my head. i managed to get out of the house with the car keys and ran to the car and took off… i asked my friend to pick up the car and drop it back off to him so that he
would not have a reason to come back and see me. i wish i should have called
the cops and reported the incident but i am afraid he would retaliate since thats the type of person he is. he is gang affiliated and is known to be violent by people from the streets. i want to do something about it but i dont know where to start or what to do since i have 2 older children who are from a previous relationship that are currently living with my parents but i want to be with them and raise them but not while i am having this problem and fear from this guy
 
Survivors of domestic violence can face many challenges that make leaving an abusive partner difficult. Please know that the abuse you have endured is not your fault and that you do have options. It is never too late to contact law enforcement if you feel that your life, or your children’s lives are in danger. You may also qualify for a domestic violence restraining order and temporary safe shelter. WEAVE offers many services including free legal assistance and can help you to create a safety plan as you take the next step to a life free of abuse. You may speak to a phone counselor, anytime, on our 24 Hour Support and Information line by calling 916.319.4907. You may also wish to speak to a counselor in person at a free triage session. WEAVE offers triage at two locations; WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  
My husband hit my two times. One with baseball bat and his hands also few days ago he hit me with a chair the chair and bat left mark on my body I have pictures. I am very afraid because he said many times he will kill me and my family we have a little dog and he also says he will kill the puppy with the baseball bat. My husband never let me call for help. He always says he is sorry. He cried every time I try to leave him. I don’t know what to do. I also lost the baby when he hit me with baseball bat. He is very aggressive and he is always screaming u made a few videos with iPhone too. There is no excuse for the violence and loss that you have endured, and love should never hurt. Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles that make leaving an abuser difficult, including threats of violence. Although it may feel as though you do not have any options, you do have resources that can help you leave safely and you are not alone. Putting together a safety plan in an important first step, and you want to be sure and save any pictures, videos or written threats. You may also consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order to further ensure you are protected. WEAVE has many services that you can utilize including; temporary shelter, counseling and legal assistance. To access WEAVE’s services and understand your options please call our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 from a safe phone. If you feel that your life is in danger we urge you to call 9-1-1 right away for your safety.  If you are unable to call for help you can come to WEAVE and meet with a counselor in person for a free triage assessment.  WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
Hi do u have a helpline in india. I am living in my parents home with my child for last two years because of abusive husband and always demanding inlaws, he is not giving me divorce also and harassing me thru sms,s my child is juz 4 yrs n it is very tough for me to survive alone as i go to work also and he stays with my mom who is not very fir to keep child for whole day please suggest how i can come out of this harassment and can get divorce easily While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento California region, there are domestic violence services available to you in India who may be able to help. I was able to find a center called the Domestic Violence Information Cell in India, with a helpline and website where you may also ask for advice and assistance. They may also be able to provide you with other local resources. Website: https://domesticviolences.com/home.php HOTLINE 98640-47886
i need help NOW. (edited for content) has kicked my pregnant belly resulting in the lossof my innocent baby (edited for content) i fear for my life and is there a way to check out a large insurance policy on myself? (edited for content) I need to move quick but no money until !st and i fear that is too far away.  PLEASE HELP, my life lieterally depends on it. If i don not leave anoher mess. (edited for content) It sounds like you are in a dangerous situation and are in need of immediate help.  If your life is in danger please call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of law enforcement for your safety.  For resources, assistance and support you may contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.  WEAVE also offers free legal services and you may also attend a free triage session for assistance.  Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.
My husband is at times violent..we have a 5 yr old son that he is crazy over. Hin the oast the abuse has consisted of verbal..physical abuse which included choking..rape..and threatsof murder.  He has threatened me multiple times if i think of leaving him and taking his sone away..even when i assured him he could see him as often as he wants. I work but we live oaycheck to paycheck..i dont know where to turn to leave..i don’t have enough money..i dont know what to do..any advice would be apreciated ..thank u..and god bless It sounds like you are enduring many types of abuse and intimidation. Please know that you are not alone and there are multiple resources available to help you leave safely. A good first step is to work out a safety plan to make this process less stressful. You may also consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order, further protecting you and your son. WEAVE offers legal assistance, safety planning assistance and we also have a confidential domestic violence Safehouse you may qualify for. If you have a safe phone please call our 24 Hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 and a phone counselor will assist you. You may also attend a free triage session face to face with a counselor to assess your needs and provide you with resources and options. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. If you feel your life is in danger please call 9-1-1 immediately.
Are there services available for re-location? It appears there is a very large social group that likes to degrade people deliberately and some our in the “Legal Offices”. They have hacked through my entire life, released very private information and I am “eaves dropped” on 24/7. They are on my phone line, computer, etc… and have no concept of what stop means and their information is not correct.  This has been going on for over 15 years and I would prefer to locate to a different State. Any help appreciated? Victim witness protection programs vary by state and are the source for relocation assistance. Here in California you may wish to contact the CalVCP helpline at 800.777.9229 with questions about relocation. You may also contact WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line for additional referrals and support by calling 916.920.2952
where can i go in south sacramento to get away from an abusive husband i am pregnant and dont want any more harm done to me n my unborn child i am scared and want a new life I cant deal with it no more?   Living with abuse can be very frightening and reaching out for help is an important first step.  You are not alone and you do have options.  WEAVE offers free counseling triage at our South Sacramento location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Monday’s from 4pm-7pm.  There you will be able to safely speak to a counselor about your situation and your options.  They will also be able to provide you with information about our domestic violence safehouse.  If you do reach a safe phone we can be reached anytime, 24 hours a day, at 916.920.2952.  If you feel that your life, or that or your unborn child, is in danger please do not hesitate to call 9-1-1 for assistance.
que es uagrm Lo siento mucho pero no entiendo su pregunta; por favor llame a nuestra línea de 24 horas de apoyo e información para hablar con alguien en Español. 916.920.2952 
I’m not sure if this is domestic violence or not. I found a recording device in my bedroom and my husband had been recording our arguments. When I confronted him we got into a huge fight. When I wouldn’t let him off the hook, he threatened to kill himself. (edited for length and content)  It sounds like you are facing a very challenging and complex situation.  You may find speaking to one of our phone counselors helpful in processing what has happened and brainstorming solutions.  Please contact our 24 Hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952
hi i have had a argument with my ex partner he an i had words over a few things i ad gotten really upset an hit him as I’ve had alot of built up anger also but in the end he hit me an i now have a black eye an i want to lay charges but im worried that he can use this as a self defence?? can someone help with what i should do?? Calling law enforcement to report that a crime occurred can be helpful in obtaining a restraining order and to be better protected in the future. You may find it useful to speak to a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line to help you determine what the best course of action will be. You may reach a counselor by calling 916.920.2952.
me an my three kids are in a dv shelter i have not been able to find a job and none of the houseing programs will help i am so very motivatied to work i really want to get my independece back but i am haveing a very hard time who could help me Survivors of domestic violence face many obstacles while working towards independence and a violence free future. Please know that you are not alone and there are many resources available to help you. You may speak to a WEAVE phone counselor 24 Hours a day by calling our Support and Information Line 916.920.2952. Also, if you are outside of the Sacramento area, it may be helpful for you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for resources in your area at 800-799-7233
If my husband is showing signs of increased anger, and he has hit me one time in the past, what are my rights in getting him out of the house before violence happens.  It sounds like you are experiencing the tension phase in the cycle of abuse, in this phase you will see increased anger, aggression and tension. If you fear that your husband will become physically violent it may be a good idea to put together a safety plan and apply for a domestic violence restraining order. You may find it useful to attend a free legal triage session here at WEAVE to learn more about your options. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. For additional information and referrals you may also contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952. If at any time you feel unsafe we urge you to call 9-1-1 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement. 
My threatened to punch me the other night and said that i eas in her face. She pushed me into her dresser and was glaring at me saying i was disrespectful to her. I had just gotten back fro a business trip and saw her walking the dogs on my way home. I stopped and said hello and saiid in a joking way.. “get over her and give me a kiss.” She did and later said I don’t know how to talk to a woman which led to the above confrontation. She is also texting a man she went to school with and is behind secretive about it. He’s in another state and I have not confronted her about this yet. I’m not sure what to do as we have three kids..I love my wie and she continues to find fault in all that do. The only way she seems to come around is when I ignore her and the she seems to be interested in me. I know all of this sounds lame and I feel like I’m not manning up…I just donot know what to do? Please pray for me Threats of physical violence and aggression are never part of a healthy relationship, and WEAVE recognizes that both men and women can experience domestic violence. Reaching out is an important and courageous first step for anyone, regardless of gender. It sounds like you are experiencing several types of domestic violence, none of which are your fault. You may find it beneficial to speak with a counselor about your relationship either individually or eventually as a couple. WEAVE offers free counseling triage at two locations. Triage is a one on one assessment with a counselor where you can discuss your relationship and learn about your options. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  

Can som one please help me?  I was beaten almost to death and then held hostage for days.  I eventually escaped and gto a hospital where detectves were called in. The couple were arrested and then release on bond. Every month for a year the case was postponed. Now they tried the case individually, first the woman and then the man. The women’s charges were reduto a mistermeanor. and she requested a jury trial where then she was found not guilty. The man’s charges were 3rd degree felony for strangulation. I have a brain injury and many other medical problems due to this. The courts ended up reducing his charges to a mistermeas well after a year of gettin supeaned and being tortured with trying to get help me too gets away with everything. When I talked to the state attorney he said he can do what ever he wants because he does not represent me. Please advise? They have excepted me for victim comp but have already taken that away before I can eve use it. 

Navigating the court system can be a very frustrating process. Please know you are not alone and WEAVE’s Legal Department may be able to help you with options. You may find it useful to attend a free legal triage session here at WEAVE to learn your rights and options. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. For additional information and referrals you may also contact our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952
A couple of days ago I was physically assaulted by a guy that I was considering dating. He stole money frim me and stole my cell phone at the time. It contained some personal information in it that I later found our he used. He also called my manager and told her liea to try to get me put out. He harrasses me at my moms house and leaves messages on her cell phone. He got these numbers out of my phone he stole.  What can I do because I no longer feel safe at my home with my kids?  I’m sorry to hear what you and your family are experiencing as no one should ever feel unsafe in their own home. It is important to know that assault, theft and harassment are against the law and pressing charges may be a good first step in ensuring your safety and that of your children. Depending on the situation you may want to consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order. You may also find it useful to attend a free legal triage session here at WEAVE to learn your rights and options. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If at any time you feel threatened or unsafe we urge you to contact law enforcement.   
hi i am recently married and my husband yelled and pushed around his sister but i didn’t think he would do it to me, it started with just yelling and then pushing and choking and throwing me around i want him to get
help he is going to counceling but she doesnt know what goes on.. i dont want to leave him, im scared but i want to stay with him. ive tried everything crying only seems to egg him on if i get mad it doesnt help and if i dont say anything he gets more mad… i don’t know what to do when is it time to do something about it? he always says sorry and buys me nice things but i just
am lost…
 
Love should never hurt and there is no excuse for the abuse that you have already endured. Physical and emotional violence can both be very frightening and can take a toll on us mentally. It sounds like your husband is violent with his family members as well as with your relationship, and that behavior is absolutely not your fault. It may be a good idea for you to talk with one of the counselors here at WEAVE about what you are experiencing, safety planning and the options that you have. Phone counselors are available on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also wish to speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session at one of two locations. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.  If you feel that your life is in danger we urge you to call 911 for your safety.   
My baby mother is being abusive and aggressive what can I do A healthy relationship should never include abuse or aggression. WEAVE knows that both women and men can experience domestic violence and having the courage to ask for help is an important first step. WEAVE offers services, including legal help, temporary shelter and counseling for victims of domestic violence. You may speak to a counselor over the phone, on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952. You may also wish to come in for a free legal triage session at one of two locations. This will help you better understand your rights and the choices you have moving forward. Legal triage is offered at our midtown location (1900 K Street) on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. If at any time you feel unsafe we urge you to call law enforcement for assistance. 
I’ve left my  husband yesterday with my 3 kids. He’s saying he will call the cops and they will put an Amber alert out on me.  I have never been in trouble and have no police record. What should I do? It sounds like you and your family are in a very difficult situation. If you are leaving your husband due to domestic violence you may want to consider applying for a domestic violence restraining order. The order will not only increase your safety, but that of your children as well. You can also request for temporary custody of your children as part of the order. The family court house, located at 3341 Power Inn Road in Sacramento, holds restraining order workshops on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 8:45am. The workshop is located in the Self-Help Computer Room, #113A. No appointment is necessary, but it is wise to arrive early as space is limited. WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line can also offer you additional resources and assistance with safety planning. Phone counselors can be reached by calling 916.920.2952.  
I am disabled with brain cancer and my mother throw me on the ground i hit my head first then i beat her up. we both got domestic assult How do I pled not guilty in court and will she go to jail? Physical violence from a family member can be very upsetting and traumatic. Everyone deserves to live in a place where they feel safe and secure. It will be up to the district attorney and the court system to decide whether or not anyone will be jailed over this incident. WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line can help you discover your options and resources through the court system as well as options for counseling when you are ready. To reach a phone counselor today please call 916.920.2952.  
My partner has been physically and verbally abusing me for a while.  This evening i locked him out and when istupidly let him back in to avoid the neighbours becoming aware he pushed and pulled me. Grabved me punch the wall past my face and i scratched his arm to get him away/off me. I have no marks other than him keeping my house&car keys from me for the evening so i couldnt go anywhere. I have a 9 month old baby and he constantly twists things to
make it look like im not coping and im ‘unravelling’ i dont know what to do. We rent a property we have a 6 month lease on. He says things to undermine me
and make think that perhaps im not coping. I dont know what to do as i feel noone will believe what is going on as especially he has sratch marks now on his arm. Please help me.  
First, I would like to commend you for reaching out. Asking for help is an important and courageous first step towards healing. There is never an excuse for abusive behavior in any relationship, and it sounds like you are enduring several forms of abuse from your partner. We all deserve to be treated with respect and supported by the ones we love. Please know that you do have options, you are not alone and we absolutely believe you. WEAVE offers many services for survivors of domestic violence including counseling, help with obtaining temporary restraining orders, temporary shelter and safety planning. Phone counselors are available 24/7 on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also wish to attend a free legal triage session, and speak to an advocate about options to ensure your safety and the safety of your child. Legal Triage is offered at two locations: Thursdays from 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). At the triage session we can provide you information on your next steps. If at any time you feel unsafe we do encourage you to call 911 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement.

Hi I live in California. My ex was arrested over a year ago for domestic violence. He had a cpo that kept him away from the house I have with my daughter. The charges were dropped and now he is saying he wants to stay in her room til he finds a place. We are both on the original lease, though it expired years ago. I don’t want him here. What can I do?

WEAVE’s Legal Department might be able to assist you, as you do have options in terms of your lease. Your civil protective order should still be in place, even if the district attorney did not pursue the charges against your ex. You may access our free legal services by attending a triage session on Thursdays from 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). At the triage session we can review your case and provide you information on your next steps. For more information you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 

My daughter and her 5 children just escaped from a violent and abusive home.  They are living with me and my husband. They all need counseling to deal
with all of this.Dad has a temporary restraining order and is calm for the moment.  Do you have group meetings for women and for children. She needs a lot of support right now. Thanks!

It sounds like your daughter has taken the right steps so far to keep herself and your grandchildren safe. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of domestic violence and their children to assist with the healing process. WEAVE offers group and individual counseling for adults as well as individual counseling for children. To learn more you may contact our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. Your daughter may also wish to stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Your daughter will want to attend the triage session alone and can discuss accessing services for the children at that time as well.
 When I was 17 (13 years ago) I was in a really bad domestic abuse relationship.  I was able to leave and slowly became the person I love today.  However the last three/four weeks I have memories come back making difficult to sleep.  I have turned back into the last person I was right after I left him.  My kids can’t touch me cause if the pain.  Other people have noticed and have asked but I can’t/wont tell them.  I need some type of help Memories of abuse can have very lasting effects for survivors and healing can often be a lifelong process. Sometimes an event or a stressful situation can cause a survivor to trigger, bringing back the painful memories of the past. Recognizing what is happening is an important first step toward overcoming this trigger. The feelings you are experiencing are normal and you do not have to face this alone. WEAVE’s counselors are available on the phone or in person to help you. You may contact a phone counselor 24 hours a day by calling 916.920.2952 or you may stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
My ex won’t stop calling me a bitch, jobless loser, wishing me dead, telling me I am a pathetic excuse for a mother etc… The list goes on.  I am getting to a point where I can not emotionally handle it anymore and
starting to think he is right. Is there any legal way to make him stop? 
Emotional abuse can have very negative effects for survivors and their children. Recognizing the abuse and understanding it is not your fault are important first steps. In terms of stopping your ex from continuing this abuse you do have options. WEAVE offers many resources for survivors of abuse including counseling, legal assistance and a 24 Hour Support and Information Line that can be reached anytime by calling 916.920.2952. To access WEAVE’s free legal services please attend our legal triage, which takes place on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm at our counseling center located at 1900 K Street in Downtown Sacramento.  

My husband was not physically abusive, but he did things like not let me leave the house and accuse me of having the devil in me. He was horribly abusive emotionally. He died before I got up the courage to divorce him, and because of that I can’t change my name (I don’t want his name

anymore!) without paying the courts $430. I’m on disability, in part because
of what he did to me, but my income is just over the limit to have that fee waived. Do you know of any program or organization that might be able to help pay even part of that fee, given the circumstances? If we had divorced this change wouldn’t cost anything. This isn’t fair. Thanks for your help.
 

It is important to remember that not all forms of abuse require physical harm and that emotional abuse can have serious effects. WEAVE offers numerous services to survivors of domestic violence including counseling at sliding scale fees. It may be helpful to speak to someone about the emotions and the loss you have experienced. WEAVE also offers a 24/7 Information and Support Line that can refer you to legal services in the community as well as services designed to financially assist those on disability. You can reach a phone counselor anytime by calling 916.920.2952.
   

I’ve been with my kids father for 7 years and he has physically abused me in front of my kids. He threatened me earlier saying if i leave with the kids and he finds me, he will break my face and doesn’t care if he goes to jail. He also threatened to take my kids away. Will the courts grant him custody even after he has abused and threatened me in front of my children?

I am very sorry to hear that your children’s father is being physically abusive and making threats. It is important to know that you do have options and that you do not have to face this alone. An important first step is to create a safety plan by identifying escape routes from your home, important documents, important keys and a safe place to stay. Another important step is to file for a domestic violence restraining order. Phone counselors on WEAVE’s 24/7 Information and Support Line are available to assist you with safety planning and information about restraining orders. WEAVE’s Counseling Center, located at 1900 K Street in Midtown, can also provide you with free legal information at our Legal Triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm. If you are in a situation where you, or your children, are not safe we encourage you to call 911 and utilize the services of your local law enforcement. 
What effects does verbal abuse have On your emotional being?  Emotional abuse is never part of a healthy relationship. Emotional abuse from an abusive partner may cause the survivor one, or all, of the following: low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and damage a person’s sense of self-worth. WEAVE believes that all forms of abuse have negative repercussions to both survivors and their children who are exposed to the abuse. To learn more please consider speaking to a counselor on WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line by calling 916.920.2952.
   
Question Hi, i have been legally married since 96 ive been seperated for about 5 years, i was in such desperation to leave that home that i signed my rights over to him stating i didnt want anything from him do to fear, we have not yet been divorced but i am looking to do so, i got him arrested in 08 and retained a order of protection can i still get what is owed to me, like anuity, pension, asset, etc.?  Depending on the legal status of your current marriage you may be able still request the court to have your husband compensate you for what is legally yours. To do so, you will need to complete the dissolution of marriage process. If you are a resident of Sacramento County, WEAVE might be able to assist you through the process for free. To determine if we can assist you, please bring all your family law paperwork that you completed to a free Legal Triage that takes place on Thursdays from 10:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m. at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). At the triage session we can review your case and provide you information on your next steps.
A family member’s ex-boyfriend beat her up, broke out the windows in her car, burned her house down, and threatened her and her families lives. She got away and he got caught and is in jail. He is now going down on his third strike. She has a daughter 18 with cerebral palsy and a disabled young
man of 18 also in her care. They are staying temporarily with family. They need housing, furniture, anything. Can WEAVE help them get into a home or apartment? 
WEAVE may provide services that can assist your family member, and also refer her to other agencies for additional services. In addition to the counseling services she might benefit from, WEAVE also has a program for our clients to assist them with low cost house-hold items though our WEAVE Thrift store. Please inform your family member that counselors are available to speak with her to provide her both with emotional support and resources at 916.920.2952.
how can i escape my abusive husband?  he is emortionally verbally and mentally abusive im trapped he controls me and is manipulative he swears yells and blames me for everything i cant take it no more please help  There are many resources that can increase your safety if you are planning to leave an abusive partner. Please speak to one of our counselors on WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line to learn about all your resources at 916.920.2952.
My husband was arrested for domestic violence.We have been married for 26 years.we came to usa 4years and have green card.I love him though has
been abusive ..we are from Pakistan where it is man’s world.I have a 22year, 21, year sons. We all agree to bail him .After bail i understand he will live seperate but are there other responsibility my son will have to undergo and does he have to sign any other papers or bond.  
Because you have been a victim of a crime the District Attorney’s Office has already gotten involved by pressing criminal charges against your husband. You may contact the Domestic Violence Prosecution Unit at 916.874.6171, and someone in their office should be able to answer for you, or direct you to someone who can. To gain information about other services available to you, and gain emotional support please consider calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.295.
I been with my husband 10yrs I didnt get to finish school didnt get to work no experience n anything he just throew me out and keep my boys because I have nothing and am nobodu what can I do can he just keep my boys like that im only nobody with nothing becausr of him  Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles that make leaving their abusive partner challenging. Though you may feel you do not have any options, and are stuck in a hopeless situation. You do have options, and you do have people to support you through the process. WEAVE provides many services that makes the process easier, and safer for the survivor when they choose to leave an abusive partner. To learn more about the services WEAVE offers, and get connected with additional resources here in Sacramento, please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, and take the next step to a life free of violence as countless others have done before you. 

How do you leave when you have two young children, and he helps you with both? I work full-time at a very demanding job and I also go to school so he helps out with the kids so that I could get school work done. The younger one is 22-month old and she’s a totally handful. Daycare is also expensive.
 
Survivors of domestic violence often face many obstacles that make leaving their abusive partner challenging. For some survivors the challenge is transportation, childcare, or employment, just to name a few. The good news is thanks to our community’s support WEAVE provides many services that makes the process easier, and safer for the survivor when they choose to leave an abusive partner. To learn more about the services WEAVE offers, and get connected with additional resources here in Sacramento, please call our Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, and take the next step to a life free of violence as countless others have done before you.  
I was a victim of domestic violence 9/10/12, I have been advised by several friends/family that WEAVE might be able to help me with decision and guidance with the legal process as well the emotional stress I am experiencing??? please advise   WEAVE’s Legal Department might be able to assist you with your family law matters if your case is here in Sacramento County. Our Legal Department provides limited services to assist survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault at no cost. Before coming to our Legal Triage at either our Mid-Town or south Sacramento location, you might want to speak to a counselor on our 24-Hour Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952 to confirm that our services are appropriate for you. Our counselors can provide you emotional support, and give you information about our counseling services too. Our free Legal Triage takes place on Thursdays from 10am-1pm at our midtown location (1900 K Street) and on Mondays from 4pm-7pm at our south location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I)
Not sure what to do. Have been beaten twice in 20 years by my brother. This last time was over Labor Day Weekend where I was stuck in acar on the freeway with him and he kept beating me with his free hand/arm as he drove. I suffered a black eye and cuts and bruises to my face. I thought I was o.k. but a friend told me I should get support as I was terrorized for about an hour an a half. Where do I start?  WEAVE knows that family violence is not healthy component to a supportive and loving family. There are several options that you have including making a report to law enforcement or trying to obtain a domestic violence restraining order. You might find it helpful to talk to a counselor about what your brother did to you, and review your choices. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line could be that support that you are seeking, our counselors can be reached at 916.920.2952

Do you check the story of the victim because i know someone that says she’s getting aid from your program who lives with her grandmother and I feel she is trying to hide from the law and her kids father who is seeking custody.  My wife and I are concerned about the kids.  We have to go get them have not called cps because dont want to put the kids through that again. (Question edited to remove identifying details)

Your concern for the children in this situation is important and if you believe the children’s welfare is in danger, contacting CPS is important to ensure their well-being can be protected.  WEAVE’s services are available to any victim of domestic violence or sexual assault.  When anyone seeks WEAVE’s services, we believe them and work with them to provide the needed support without questioning as most victims have experienced repeat situations where they were not believed. There is no income requirement for WEAVE services.  WEAVE services include crisis intervention, therapeutic counseling, confidential shelter, and legal advocacy but do not include direct financial aid.  WEAVE’s staff and direct service volunteers are mandated reporters and report any suspected child abuse. 
I don’t know what to do, I was never taught to air my dirty laundry. The verbal and physical abuse, mostly happened behind closed doors. 8 years ago, we were pregnant again. I thought that another baby was going to bring us closer, boy was I mistaken. He came home after being at the bar.   He looked at me and told me to get rid of it, I told him No, that’s when he told me I wasn’t going to have the baby he hit me so hard I buckled, drop to my knees, and cried. When he passed out, I moved us out. A few months after leaving him, he cried, begged and pleaded to give him another chance. He said he changed and had stopped drinking, he told me that wanted his family and that we were going to buy a house and for my son and I to move back home and that things were going to be better. It changed for a little bit but not long after I moved us back home he went right back to his old ways,” what my husband wants my husband gets”, I woke up about 1am, with what i could only describe as my water breaking.  I told him something was wrong, He said call him if anything went wrong and he fell right back asleep.   I had to drive
myself to the emergency department all alone, cramping, scared and in pain. Not even ten minutes after getting to emergency department I was alone when I miscarried our baby.I called and told him,I lost’ed the baby. His response
well I don’t think I’m going to make it to the hospital, I will just meet you at your parents when I get off. He had went to work as if nothing ever
happened.20 years of being with my first love, I had never expected it to be like this. Then when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, the worst of all my fears came true, I found out he had been having an affair, come to find out it wasn’t his first either..The verbal and physical abuse all the emotional damage I couldn’t take it anymore. I got out a year and a half ago, he is
still married to me but has been making it known to the public he is with someone else, but he mentions to me that Im lucky nothing has happened to me and warns me of things that will happen if I divorce him. Telling me I’m not getting anything,and that I better have a great lawyer because if I make it
I’m going to need it. He has taken my name off of our vehicles and motorcycles, he says he care about our son but wont financially support him. He warns me about trying to take anything from him. Can I skip filing for
legal separation and file for divorce. I don’t even know how to file. But most of all I am frightened that if I put a restraining order on him he will retaliate and take my son. This is just a small portion of my life, so many
fears what do I do first. 
Based on your experiences it is understandable that you are concerned for your safety, and you are taking serious your husband’s threats. The process for a divorce in Sacramento County is relatively easy, and many couples complete the process without the assistance of a lawyer (WEAVE always suggests if you can afford an attorney you hire one as the services provided makes the process much easier). If you cannot afford an attorney you may choose to attend our free workshop that includes all the forms you will need to start the divorce process that is held the second Thursday of each month, from 6:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m., at our counseling center: 1900 “K” Street, Sacramento, 95811. A domestic violence restraining order in addition to increasing you safety, can include a court ordered child custody plan that your husband would need to follow until the divorce is finalized. To try to obtain a temporary domestic restraining order you will need to go to the Family Law Courthouse. To learn more about your options please call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at916.920.2952. 
Im involved in a court trial that satrts in Oct. Im the victim of this crime and I am affarid to tell the truth. Ive been threatend by the man eho i once loved verry much. He has the pull to completely expose me n all my secrets. IF HES NOT OUT HERE THEN HIS 6DAUGHTERS ARE AND THEY HAVE ALWAYS CAUSED ME HELL. I want to tell the D. A. evertthing buy ive lied so much for him because im affarid of loosing my husband of 6montjs. please help me.  The court system may seem scary, intimidating, confusing, and even overwhelming at times for survivors of crimes. Luckily, through the District Attorney’s Office there are Victim Advocates that provide an incredibly valuable service. They are able to provide emotional support, explain the process, and connect survivors with additional services. Though WEAVE can never predict the outcome of a trail (no one can), we always encourage survivors to always be truthful when speaking to the court system. To gain additional support please contact our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

What do I do?? I was only helping him with a place to stay & he is abusive to me and an alcoholic.  I have called police several times,They will do nothing!

I am scared to go home. He is drunk & angy when I get there, I am afraid, I pay all the bills, it is my apartment!! I have no where to go. I work, and want to be left in peace. I feel frustrated, as if there is nothing I can do! Please help. 

To remain in the home safely you might consider obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. You may choose to either attend a free workshop that is held at the Family Law Courthouse three times a week, or by completing the paperwork on your own. If you are granted a temporary domestic violence restraining order it may order him not to have contact with you in any form, and to stay 100 yards away from you and your home. Another option for you might be to leave your home at stay at our Safehouse. To learn more about the different options you have, and to help decide what is best for you, please call the WEAVE’s 24- Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. You have options, and WEAVE is here to help you though whatever process you choose. 

have been with my husband for two years. I love him very much but I am so confused. The abused started off with tight hugs while I was pregnant then they advanced over the last year to choking and punching me. He has been arrested 3 times for hitting me. He has no problem with being violent in public he busted my window in front of my children school.

I am very successful and my family would never expect anything. My heart is broken and I never expected I would be in this situation. He already has a no negative contact order and shortly awaits his punishment for his public violence. Its crazy because its like he doesn’t care when he gets mad if someone calls the cops …if he isn’t in a rage he is a sweet heart! I want ti keep my family together and he says he does too. Now that DCS is involved they say if he has one more rage my kids are coming out the house. I just want ti cry over and over again. We recently moved to a new city were I don’t know anyone have been looking into child care …Does anyone know were I can look and How stupid do I seem. I am 32 and my mother would be so disappointed in me. I am
in a inter racial relationship and my family already had an issue with that. I am so confused about it all. 

There is never an excuse for the abusive behavior you have already endured. Hopefully expressing your experiences with others will help your healing from the abuse, and allow you to focus on what you would like your future to look like for you and your children. To learn more about our services please consider either calling our 24- Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, or stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. In addition WEAVE’s Support Line has referrals to childcare programs in Sacramento County.  
 I am a domestic violence survivor. I was attacked my my husband in 2009. It was a very brutal and traumatizing stabbing. I am looking to grt involved with some sort of support group, counciling, or even case management program. I just moved her from another state where I was working with a local agency. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression and im feeling a little isolated at the moment. I just need some kind of support
services. Would WEAVE be able to help me? 
The services WEAVE offers to survivors of domestic violence are available for those still in an abusive relationship, thinking about leaving an abuser, planning to leave an abuser, or those like you that have left an abusive relationship. Our counseling services assist with the healing process. To learn more you may either call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, or stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. 

 Hi. Im living in a situation where i am being emotionally abused. I have already been diagnosed as depressed and this abuse, name calling belittlement only makes it worse. I cry everyday, feel worthless and i feel trapped. We are both on a lease until next june. Is there anything i can do as far as getting off of the lease? I dont know how much more i can take.

Its affecting both me and my two children, ages 5&6.They are just as miserable as me, and dont want to live here either. My 6 year old daughter cries and locks herself in her room. Is there anything i can legally do to get off the lease for the sake of my kids and i mental health? Is there any programs that are available to me as far as housing? I just got a new job, temp to hire, making only $12.75 an hour. Please get back to me asap. I need to figure out my next move so i can get out of this situation. 

In California there is a lease termination law which went into effect September 27, 2008, that allows people who have a temporary restraining order, emergency protective order, or a police report to end their leases without owing additional rent. The law applies to both private and subsidized housing. To learn more about the law and the process check out:acfjc.org/files/AB2052.pdf.
You might also find it beneficial to speak to a counselor at WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. We can give you details about the many services we offer and how to access them, and refer you to additional programs outside WEAVE.
 
Is there an organization similar to WEAVE in Alameda CA? There are organizations like WEAVE throughout California that can provide you with resources and support if you are experiencing domestic violence. Please know that you are not alone. You have options and resources near you, like the Midway Shelter of Alameda which provides services and shelter. Their 24-hour Crisis Hotline is 866.292.9688. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800.621.HOPE (4673) to help locate other resources near you. If you find yourself in danger, we encourage you to consider calling 911 for your safety.
I have been in an unhealthy relationship for 8 years. My boyfriend talked me into leaving my home then bought me a home and evicted me from it. I now have lived with him for 8 months and he is evicting me from his home now. I am financially dependent on him because I have not family nor friend. My friends could not handle the break ups and the pain he caused me in the past, but I kept coming back. He is very wealthy and I am very poor, he controls me with money and threats of abandonment. I dont know what to do, I work part time but nothing that will keep me in the life style he has afforded me when he wasnt evicting me. I need counseling. I met him while divorcing physically abusive man. WEAVE recognizes five types of abuse – physical, sexual, emotional, financial, and spiritual. The financial abuse you are experiencing in addition to the other types is difficult as housing is such a critical and basic need.  You may benefit from talking with an advocate on our 24 hour Support & Information Line.  They can provide you with emotional support and help you explore options if you choose to exit the relationship.  The Support Line can be reached at 916.920.2952.
I am over 50 and married for over 30 years. Spouse has removed me from bank account and refuses to give me any money. How can I file for divorce, move my belongings and get a place to live. I am currently unemployed but looking. I need to leave before his abusive behavior escalates. He is verbally but not physically abusive. Can I take basic belongings like a bed and sofa or do I need to go to court to separate belongings. I’m afraid if I leave some stuff it will get sold before divorce. I cannot afford an attorney. Can I get a judge to force him to pay for my legal representation? Can I get temporary support order for food and shelter? What if he quits his job, how will I support myself? If I leave can he force me into foreclosure because I cannot afford the house payment and he may choose to stop paying it. How can I get housing if my credit got ruined because he stopped making a credit card payment which forced me into collections? Leaving an abusive relationship can be daunting and you are wise to prepare in advance.  You have a lot of questions and it may be beneficial for you to meet with an advocate.  WEAVE offers walk-in Legal Triage appoints two times per week.  Mondays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. at the WEAVE Wellness Center at 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823 or on Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. at 1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811.  The appointments are on a first come, first served basis.  During the Legal Triage session, you can meet with a Legal Advocate and learn about your options.  You can also contact WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at any time to receive support and get information about safe shelter and other resources for when you are ready to leave.  The Support Line number is 916.920.2952.

 I don’t know where to begin. I have been with my husband for 7years and it seems like every day is worse than the last.. My husband is not physical but I fear he is emotionally destroying me! I can not talk to him with our him attacking me and when I try my hardest to tell him how I feel he turns it around and makes himself the one who is hurting. I have disconnected myself from friends and even my family. I often wonder if I am going crazy or if I am the one who hurts him the way he says I do. I recently became so angry that I tried to attack a family member. I hurt all the time, I cry and hide my tears because I do not want my children to see me sad. (they are my children he is there step father) I feel out of control and like there is never any hope or happiness around the corner waiting for me.. When we first got together things where fine we made great memories and I could see my self growing old with him. But over time I have witnessed him verbally bash his own children make fun of all our children as well as myself. I feel like I am never good enough or that its my fault he hates his job. I can not talk to him ever with out him screaming at me or using my insecurities to make me feel terrible. Everything is an attack on him, he actually thinks I makes plans to leave him or put money in our joint savings account so I can leave him. The only thing I hold onto for some kind of control is our finances, I manage the bills and our checking account. I sometimes find myself becoming irritated when he spends money, I know it sounds stupid but at the same time its really the only control I feel I have anymore. He makes accusations that I am cheating if I put on a dress, or is snotty at me for trying to look nice. Then when I go to the store in sweat pants he makes comments like ” I am not going with you to the store looking like that” I feel like I am crazy and completely out of control. My family is worried about me all the time and because I think I still have some pride I refuse to listen. I’m scared of him, I have seen what he is capable of, from cutting his wrists and taking pills in a hotel after a huge fight to starving himself till his blood sugar was so low he actually head butted me and claims he doesn’t remember.. I could go on and on.. I really just need to talk with someone and I am not really sure how to start. I really feel like what is happening to me may only be a big deal to me and I think that is the reason I have held it in for as long as I have.. 

It sounds like you are enduring several forms of abuse from your husband, and you are feeling the effects of his abusive behavior. There is never an excuse for abusive behavior, and we all deserve to be treated with respect. Hopefully expressing your experiences with others will help your healing from the abuse, and allow you to focus on what you would like your future to look like. WEAVE’s counseling services can assist you in learning more about healthy relationships, and the options that you have to change the situation that you find yourself in at this time. To learn more please consider either calling our 24- hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952, or stop by one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.

I recently left my husband. But how i had to leave was just walk out due to the fact that I was scared that I would be in a violent situation like in the past. Well due to that he took my children and refuse to give them back. He has disenrolled my children out of school making his whereabouts unknown. I just recently found out by tracking the cell phone that he is in pittsburg ca with my children. he does not know that I know where they are. How can I go
about getting my children back besides court.

I want them back before court.They belong with me. I work and he does not. he put them on welfare. and he has a criminal background of domestic violence 

There are two options to gain custody of children in Sacramento County. The first is to try to obtain a domestic violence restraining order. The order not only can increase your safety and that of your children, you can also request for temporary custody of your children. You will still need to go through the process of filing for dissolution of marriage/ legal separation at a later time, but the order will enforceable as soon as the temporary order is granted and your husband is served. The other choice is to file for dissolution of marriage/ legal separation. In addition to resolving property, debts, and assist issues, the process also develops a child custody plan for your family to follow. If either one of you choose not to follow the plan as ordered through the court (for example one of the parents will not return the children as scheduled), then law enforcement can be called to enforce the order. WEAVE has a Legal Department that might be able to assist you, and to learn about the process, and other resources you have please call WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. 
 My Niece is in a situation where she feels that she cannot say anything to anyone or her boyfriend (father of her baby) will find out. She sent a text out last night asking for help but today when help came to her door she turned them away without a word or eye contact. For the past few weeks she has been dropping hints like her physical address for just in case she needs help. She has small children in the home and I’m concerned she needs more help them what her family can offer with this situation. Any
advice? 
It sounds like you and your family are in a very difficult situation. You want to help your niece, but at this time she is not taking advantage of your assistance. All survivors of domestic violence have the power to choose when and if they leave the abusive relationship. It may be upsetting to you that your niece is not making changes on your timeline. Family and friends can continue to express their concerns to your niece (when the boyfriend is not around), and let her know that there are resources available. If you are concerned for her immediate safety you can connect her local law enforcement and request that they conduct a “welfare check” when they go to her residence and make sure she is physically safe. Also, if you know of or suspect child abuse, you can make a report to Child Protective Services that also may make a visit to the family. Until your niece is safe you are welcome to speak to our counselors on our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about the many services we offer so you can pass that knowledge along to your niece, and you can also get emotional support for yourself so you can continue to be a loving aunt for your niece. 
is there a statute of limitations on reporting domestic violence? Most crimes have a statute of limitations.  It is best to contact the District Attorney’s Office or local law enforcement to learn directly from the experts.  Even if the criminal limitations have expired, you may have civil actions available to you.
I would like to donate/drop off clothing to a local office. I live in zip code 95765; please advise where I can do so, and obtain a receipt for my donation of womens clothing.  Thank you.  WEAVE accepts donations of clothing and small housewares at our WEAVE Thrift Arden thrift store at 2401 Arden Way. Donation hours are Sunday: Noon to 3 pm
Monday – Saturday: 10 am to 3 pm. All donors receive a receipt which meets IRS requirements for claiming a deductible donation at the time of the donation.
I am 18 years old and my father is verbally and physically abusive to my mother, siblings, and me. The smallest thing sends him into a rampage.  He blames every little thing on my mom and then verbally abuses and threatens her, then he proceeds to physically fight with her (my mother does try to defend herself), I have to pull him off of her and then he turns on me. He breaks things, and basically destroys the house. This has gone on for as long as I can remember and it has happened more and more frequently as time’s gone on. My parents can’t afford to get a divorce, my mother does not work because she has to take care of my 5 younger siblings. He threatens her saying that if she does file for divorce he will quit his job or kill himself so he can’t
pay any child support. He knows there is nothing she can do to get herself and us away from him. Recently, he beat up my mom while I was not home and told her if I was home I would’ve also been beat. She will not get help because he told her that if anyone called the cops, he’d “make sure he got his moneys worth” and kill us before he was taken away. I want to call the
police anyway, obviously I can call while he is at work and they will go get him, but if he is in jail or whatever I don’t know what my family would do without his income. I feel like we have to choose between having absolutely nothing or to live with an abusive dad. Is there anything I can do? 
I want to first commend you for reaching out for help, not only for yourself, but for your mother and siblings. Though you and your family may rightly feel scared and trapped, there is assistance available to you and options that your family can choose from. WEAVE suggests that survivors of domestic violence take very seriously the threats of an abuser, and plan accordingly. WEAVE can assist with developing a person safety plan for your family if your mother chooses to leave your father. Often perpetrators make threats, such as not paying child support, but family law court and law enforcement can order otherwise. There is a fee to file for a divorce in Sacramento County, but the fees can be either reduced or even waived if requested. WEAVE conducts a free divorce/legal separation workshop once a month at our counseling center. There are also social service programs that your family may qualify for to help with both financial aid and housing. WEAVE also operates a Safehouse were families can stay that are leaving an abusive partner. To learn more about the many services available to your family through WEAVE, and other local service providers, please contact our Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. By learning about services available to your family, you will learn that you have many more choices than just the two of absolutely nothing at all, or living with an abusive father. You are not alone.
About 2 hours ago my husband was arrested for domestic violence. Here is the situation:
My cousin was drinking and got extremely unstable and started punching and
hitting my husband and left a few marks on me (a scratches and a bruise).
After several attempts to get her to calm down (suggesting going to bed,
attempting to give her water which she threw off the balcony) My husband took
defensive action to subdue her.  He called 911 after she kept being violent. The police came and arrested him for domestic assault because she was smaller than him and had marks on her.  Just wondering how I should deal with this and what to expect in the next few days/weeks/months?
I already took pictures of the marks she left on me while she was grabbing me. 
Law enforcement has a very challenging duty to ensure they keep our community safe. It is their job to collect information about a crime committed, and arrest a suspect if they find enough evidence. Law enforcement should have talked to everyone at the scene to determine the facts. Depending on the charges against your husband, he may be held for several days until he goes before a judge, he might be able to be bailed out of jail, or he might simply be released within a few hours. It will be up to the District Attorney’s Office to decide if there is enough evidence to procede with a criminal case against your husband. To learn more about the process of your husband’s specific case I would suggest speaking to both law enforcement and the District Attorney’s Office directly. For both emotional support, and to receive referral numbers, please contact WEAVE’s 24-Hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
Hello, My husband and I have been split up for about 3 months, he is in another state and is threatening to come back here and physically harm me because I will not reconcile with him. What can I do? Can I get a
protective order if he is out of state? We broke up because he is an alcoholic bully who messes around with other women, but he has never physically abused me. He has always made vague threats of violence, and since we split has been virtually stalking me, hacking into my email and social media accounts, calling and texting constantly until I had to get a blocking app to keep him from harrassing me, but has not taken physical action. Is there anything I can do to protect myself Before he escalates to that point? 
Yes you may be able to obtain a domestic violence restraining order even if your husband is in another state. You may choose to either attend a free workshop that is held at the Family Law Courthouse three times a week, or by completing the paperwork on your own. If you are granted a temporary domestic violence restraining order it may order him not to have any contact with you, in any form (i.e., email, phone calls, text, etc.), and to stay 100 yards away from you and your home. To utilize the benefits of the order you will need to have your husband served with a copy of the order. WEAVE’s legal department can assist you by preparing you for the process of going to court to request that your temporary restraining order become permanent. I would also recommend starting a log of all harassing contact from your husband, and save all records of calls and texts too as that will be helpful evidence for the judge to see your need for the restraining order. To learn more about the process, please come to our counseling office during Legal Triage on Thursdays from 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m., or call the Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.

One of my dearest friends is in a relationship where his girlfriend freaks out on him regularly. the last few times he has come over with huge scratches on his arms and feeling so low about himself. He is continuing to make excuses for her bad behavior towards him and refuses to break things off because he feels like she needs him and she will eventually change. The other night was the first night we all hung out and by the end of the night she was yelling at him and swinging her arms and it was then that I realized just how abusive she is to him not just physically but emotionally too. Can I help my friend? If so what do I do? I understand I might lose his friendship for a while but it would be worth it to see him not be abused.

A common misconception is that men cannot be abused by women.  Your friend is lucky that you recognize abusive behaviors and want to help him.  Your friend has options when he is ready to take the next step.  WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line (916.920.2952) is a resource for him and you.  Trained advocates answer the line and provide support, resources and referrals.  When your friend is ready, WEAVE can also assist him with options that are best for him including legal advocacy, counseling, etc.  In the meantime, you can let him know you are concerned for his well-being and want to support him.  Abusive partners often try to isolate their victims from friends and family – letting him know you are there to support him is critical.  He may withdraw initially but knowing he has support will be critical when he is ready to end the relationship.
I am with my bf of 3 years and 3 children, my ex husband is the one who is violent and every time he finds us he harasses us and tries to hurt my bf. He just found out where we live and is making threats.Is there a shelter of some kind for families? We would like to move to a more secure apartment with maybe a gated entry or security but we are both working with limited incomes. There are several options that you might select from to increase your safety and that of your family. One good resource is obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. Though the free workshop the Family Law Courthouse is not mandatory, most survivors find it helpful by attending it either Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, from 9:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. WEAVE’s Safehouse is not designed for families, but our 24-Hour Information and Support Line counselors gave provide other resources at 916.920.2952.

What can I do not to have my husband go to jail but at the same time his very abusive. I just want to stay away from him and not leaving in the same place.

There are several options that you have, and our 24-hour Support and Information Line (916.920.2952) can provide you the details so you can choose what is best for your safety. One option is to try to obtain a domestic violence restraining order that can remove him from your home, and in addition it will prevent him to have any contact with you (in-person, via text, email, etc.). Another choice is to see if you qualify for our Shelter services where survivors of domestic violence are able to temporarily stay in a confidential location while receiving supportive services.  If you find yourself in danger, we encourage you to consider calling 911 for your safety, even if it means he may be arrested.  

 

Can I file a petition to have my husband removed from our home? The process to have someone removed from a residence depends on the details of the situation. If there is a history of domestic violence, you may qualify for a domestic violence restraining order that can order your husband to leave the home. In Sacramento County there is a workshop that assists survivors through the paperwork process. Another option that is takes more time is to go through the eviction process. Before starting either process it might be beneficial to contact WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to explore all your choices.

The father of my children (4 out 7) and I split up, but he doesn’t want to leave the house. I was in this  relationship for 7 years, finding out through others he was verbally abusive. I see it now – controlling too. But is this the same as domestic violence or am I being a “whimp” or “too weak” as he calls me?

Domestic violence comes in many forms from an abusive partner. In your question you mentioned two of the five forms that abusers use. Sometimes it is a person’s action, such as being physically abusive to control the survivor. Sometime it is a person’s words they choose to use to make you feel less-than. In healthy relationship each person is supportive and nurturing of the other. You also mentioned that you have separated from him and he won’t leave the house.  You may have legal options to pursue to make this happen.To learn about the services WEAVE offers please contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I wish to get out of an abusive relationship and my biggest hurdle is becoming financially independent. I am an immigrant and have been out of the workforce for 13 years and need help getting back into the job market. How do I go about achieving this?

WEAVE understands that survivors of domestic violence often have barriers to becoming financially independent after leaving an abusive partner. Luckily, there are several services WEAVE offers our clients to support them in their efforts, and we also refer clients to other local agencies that specialize in employment. To learn more about our services please contact the 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

How do i know if im not just over reacting about my relationship as far as hes a great dad has always provided for his family and when hes good to me he is but when i decided i was going to say something about what i dont like then thats when i get called  names and get pushed or choked or hit what 
do i do if i still love him???

By speaking to a counselor either in-person, or by calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 you can further the process of deciding what is best for you and your child(ern) in your current relationship. We believe that there is no excuse for domestic violence, neither physical or verbal abuse. In healthy relationships partners do not hit, push, or strangle. In healthy relationships, words are not used to make the other person feel less-than. Because domestic violence is a learned behavior it is not a safe place for children to be exposed to. You may always love him. But you can choose to continue to love him while staying in the relationship, or continue to love him after choosing to leave for your safety and that of your child(ren).
I recently went back to work from maternity leave. My 4 month old daughter is being watched by her father while I’m at work. He lives with me for the most part. We would argue and he would physically abuse me, even when I was pregnant. He became more violent towards the third trimester of the pregnancy. It is still going on. Just an hour ago I was on the ground and he was stomping on my head as our daughter was crying on the couch. I’ve had enough, but I need him to care for daughter when I’m at work. I can’t afford daycare and I have no family in the area to help me. I kept him around to help me. This is my first child. I need help to find the strength to let him go and just leave us alone. But a part of me says suck it up he’s helping you raise your daughter. I used to be a very smart, driven, and independent woman…but now I feel helpless and stuck. I know I’m stupid for letting this go on for so long. Please do not blame yourself for trying to make a relationship work – especially with an infant.  You are in a tough situation and support is available to help you.  A good first step would be to attend a WEAVE Triage session – a trained advocate can help you assess the level of danger in your relationship, prioritize your immediate needs, and provide you with resources.  Triage hours at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street, Sacramento) are Tuesdays & Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. and Wednesdays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Triage is also offered at our WEAVE Wellness Center in South Sacramento on Mondays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I).  At the Triage session you will get more information about WEAVE’s services – such as our Safehouse and possibly filing for a Temporary Restraining Order. 
How do I get into the WEAVE Safehouse? The WEAVE Safehouse program is for individuals and families requiring emergency shelter to escape a violent home.  The first step to accessing the Safehouse is to call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

Is there a way to find help for someone who has hit his wife. A mental issue is already presumed, but with professional help, medication and such. Is there a way to help someone who has hit their wife?

If your friend wants to seek help there are several options available.  If there is a mental health issue, he should see a medical professional to identify the condition(s) and obtain medication, if appropriate.  There are numerous batterer’s intervention programs available.  WEAVE can provide referrals to these programs via its 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.  We strongly encourage anyone seeking batterer’s treatment to interview multiple programs and find one the best meets their needs. 
I have a friend who has a 15 year old son that ask my help. She and her son is trying to get out of a controlling and verbally abusive husband. She doesn’t know what to do at this time. She wants to get support or assistance from an organization who can help her out in their situation. She is very much concern with her son because he is caught up in a very emotionally abusive relationship. Please help. Thanks. Please let your friend know that WEAVE has a 24-hour Support Line that can provide resources that can increase her safety and that of her 15 year old son. There are many options that our counselors will offer her, and then she can choose to start the planning process. WEAVE’s Support Line is also always available for you too, the number is 916.920.2952.

My Fiance has never hit me or my 4 year old (from a previous marriage) but has punched a wall in anger. He says he has had thoughts of harming me when he’s angry but left the house to cool down instead. I have never been afraid of him, but the last argument we were in he mentioned being angry at my child. I know when to let him leave and cool down, but I’m afraid my child may one day go to far. I guess I’m starting to not trust his outbursts. He has depression and was taking antidepressants but recently stopped against doctor’s advice. I’m not sure how to approach this situation.

In healthy relationships partners do not punch walls and make the other person feel concerned for their safety and that of their child. It is also concerning that your fiance has stopped taking medication against the advice of his doctor. Research shows that abusive partners are also abusive to children 50% of the time, so you concerns for your child is understandable. By speaking to a WEAVE counselor at our 24-hour Support line at 916.920.2952 you can discover the many different ways you can approach the situation with your fiance safely.
THIS IS THE SECOND TIME HAPPEN THAT HE HIT ME BUT SOME HOW I KEEP GIVING HIM EXCUSE FOR HIS ACTION I NEED HELP AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO There is no excuse for domestic violence, even though you may have provided excuses in the past for your partner’s abusive behavior. A pattern of abuse my escalate over time, so it is important to find out what resources are available for you. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line can you provide you information at 916.920.2952.
Will I have to press charges against my abuser if I come to a WEAVE? No.  WEAVE believes that there are many benefits to reporting abusive behavior to law enforcement, but we strongly believes the decision to report or not can only be made by the survivor. Because each relationship and situation is so different, we believe that survivors make the decision to report or not based on what is right for them. WEAVE respects the decision to report, and we respect the decision not to report. We are here to support survivors, and assist them through the healing process though whatever path the choose to take.

Me and my boyfriend/sons father we use to argue all the time and get into physical altercations but we stopped for a while because his family put them selves in it and they ended up jumping me since then its been almost a year and hes starting to do it again but I ignor him so if he hits me I just call the cops but since he is the father of my son I feel theres no way out I need help. I dont know what to do.

Calling law enforcement after being physically abused is just of many options that you have. WEAVE works closely with local law enforcement, and we believe they provide valuable resources that can increase the safety of survivors and their children. There are many other options that you have available. By calling to speak confidentially to one of counselors at our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 we can provide you the information so you can choose what you would like to do next.
Where can I stay with my son to feel safe ?

WEAVE offers a confidential Safehouse for survivors of domestic violence and their children.  Children up to 18 years can stay with their parent.  To learn more about the Safehouse program, start by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

How can you tell if red flags your family has are red flags for you personally? (about relationships)

It sounds like your family may have expressed concerns about your relationship or relationships in general.  Red flags are actions or behaviors which can cause concerns.  In unhealthy and/or abusive relationships, red flags do not only include physical acts such as grabbing, hitting, or preventing someone from leaving a car/room/area.  They can also include a partner who is controlling, puts the other person down, threatens the other person, demands to know where the other person is all the time, or tries to prevents the other person from being with friends.  These are all concerning behaviors and could indicate an unhealthy relationship that can become more abusive over time.  If you are experiencing any of these behaviors, they should be a concern – healthy relationships are built on trust and respect and don’t include abusive language or actions.  You can talk to a trained advocate on WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for more information.

My father is Bi-polar and goes into manic rages and he becomes extremely emotionally and now physically abusive. I long moved out of my parents house, so it’s just him and my mom. The other night, he went into a manic rage and screamed and yelled at her and grabbed a knife saying he was going to kill himself (he has done this before). My mom tried  to ignore him and go into the other room, which angered him more. He continued to scream and yell at her and then proceeded to choke her. After this happened she threatened to divorce and now he is on his best behavior. This is just repeat in the cycle of  abuse. I’m at a loss on what to do. My mom has no money, has severe injuries. He claims because he is Bi-polar he has no control. He is not on his medicine I feel like I’m in a no-win situation.

It sounds like you and your parents are in a very difficult situation. Each of your parents are responsible for only their own actions. When your father chooses not to take his medication that does not excuse his abusive behavior. Your family can call law enforcement if they are concerned that he will harm himself or others, and mental health providers may also become involved if authorities are called. You can inform your mother that she has options, and she can utilize them whenever she chooses to. Your mother may choose to stay in the relationship, or she may choose to leave, but it will be her choice to do what she believes is best for herself. As a daughter that is seeking support for a very volatile situation, please consider speaking to our counselors on WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952.
If my friend comes here for help will you guys get cps involved? WEAVE provides services to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. WEAVE does not report to immigration officials or law enforcement. We believe that there are many benefits for survivors who choose to report to outside agencies, but we believe that each survivors has the ability to choose what is best for their situation. The only exceptions to reporting is when given enough information from a client WEAVE’s counselors are mandated reporters for APS (Adult Proactive Services) and CPS (Child Proactive Services). We are always upfront about our legal obligations when it comes to the safety of the elderly and children so that clients can choose to utilize our services without feeling trapped or tricked. Your friend can call our 24 hour Support & Information Line to get more information anonymously – 916.920.2952.

My partner has what I think are anger issues. She yells, cuts me down, and tells me I’m being disrespectful whenever I try to speak out against how she’s talking to me. She got physical with me one time by kicking me in the chest, but has not been physical since then. Last night, she got mad at me and poured water and beer on me and broke some of my belongings. I
know this is not healthy, but not sure if it’s abuse.
I told her that what she did was not acceptable no matter how mad she got and her response was, “well, I didn’t hit you!” She
thinks it’s OK to break my belongings since she, the breadwinnner, bought them.

WEAVE believes that domestic violence can occur in different forms: physical, emotional, sexual, financial, and spiritual. When a partner’s words or actions make us feel less-than, that is abusive behavior. In non-abusive relationships each person encourages, supports, and respects the other. Often we can recognize abusive behavior, but it is sometimes challenging to know what to do once we find ourselves in an abusive relationship. WEAVE’s counselors can provide support and resources for you at our 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952. There is no excuse for domestic violence, and everyone deserves to be in relationships free from abuse.

I just turned 44 and have been married. For 17 yrs. My husband doesn’t hit me what he does is cut me down verbally. His words hurt. He comlains about everything and I feel like nothing I do never is enough or can ever make him happy. It saddens me to know and to also hear from him calling me names. I say to him to stop speaking to me in such a negative way. He just says I look for it. I’m feeling depressed, defeated, drained, emotionally and psycologically. My  question is, is this considered domestic violence? And what can I do. I feel trapped and need to get away and protect my two chilren from the same treatment that he inflickes upon me.

Domestic violence comes in many different forms, and no form of abuse is party of a healthy and loving relationship. Verbal abuse is one form that abusers may use to make their partners fell less than, and mentally wear them down. No one form of abuse is better/worse, or less painful to the survivor than another. WEAVE’s counselors are trained to provide emotional support to survivors, and help explore the many options survivors have to increase their safety and that of their children. To contact a counselor you may either call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

How to buy a house and not have it be in my name for privacy/security?

If you are a survivor of domestic violence, you may qualify for the Safe at Home program which allows survivors to have their name supressed on documents which are available via public records search, etc.  For more information, contact the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.

what do u do when once emptyness consumes you. there is so much love in my heart. but it only spoils as i sit alone i see all these people treating there other half poorly . . . (edited for length & appropriateness for message board)

Life and love can be wonderful, but also a dark and sad place. There are many ways to express feelings, and by doing so, allow us to move through the darker times in our lives. Sadness is one thing, depression is something else. If you are dealing with depression, then know that there is help available with professionals who specialize in the field. To continue the process of expressing you feelings and learning more about the options you have please consider contacting our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
I have been in a relationship for nearly 10 years that often “feels” abusive. He has never hit me but time and time again I feel as though I am being controlled and manipulated into doing his wishes. I am afraid of his anger. He has not worked in 5 years and I am the primary breadwinner, his lack of income has driven me so deep into debt I fear I will never recover. We are currently living in his mothers house and I feel like a caged bird. Everyday I tell myself I need to leave but I am so afraid that if I do he will kill me or himself (the one time we did separate he sent me pictures from his phone of him attempting to kill himself after stalking me at home for weeks on end). 50% of the time I feel like I am crazy, the other 50% I feel like I am being abused. My self esteem no longer exists, and the names he calls me when we fight grind my spirit down to nothing. Is this abuse? Or is he right in saying I am just over reacting and taking things too personal? I don’t know where to turn or who to talk to. My friends are his friends and I feel so alone. How do I understand what the truth is amongst all the chaos? In healthy relationships each partner supports, encourages, and treats the other with respect. In abusive relationships the abusive partner often makes the other person feel less-than, is not supportive, and does not treat the other person with respect. It sound like between 50% of the time you are feeling crazy, and 50% of the time you are feeling being abused, there is little time for a healthy relationship. You may feel alone, but WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line is available for you to explore with a counselor your feelings, gain empowerment, and discover the many options that you have. 916.920.2952.

I have my sister living with me trying to help her get back on her feet. But she continues to go back to the man who mentally and physically abuses her. I’m trying to her her but she doesn’t seem to care. Doesn’t save money just spends it on him. I don’t know what to do. Please help me

When those that we love make choices that we believe to be harmful, or even dangerous, it is difficult to stand by and watch. WEAVE believes that survivors of domestic violence are the only ones who can decided when and if they leave an abusive relationship. Making negative comments about her partner can cause a wedge between the two of you, so focusing on your sister rather than pointing our his faults is a good idea. Being her sister does allows you to voice your concerns about her safety. When you let her know you care about her, and you will always be there for her, those are supportive messages that you give your sister the notion that she is worthy. It may be difficult to set firm boundaries, and remain non-judgmental, but WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line can provide you a sounding board – 916.920.2952.

My boyfriend of nearlly 4 years tried to strangle me once after an agrument and i forgive him. Then a few months later he tried to stangle me 4 times in one night and held me in the room against my own will shouting abuse at me. hes very angry from before xmas. after getting him to leave my home he verbally abused me for a week he’s called me some bad names then on monday took a turn around and has begged and pleaded for forgiveness saying this will never happy again. i do still love him but really dont know if i can be with him. i have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. he is saying he will spend his whole life making it up to me i believe he is sorry but dont know if i believe he will not do it again. also i dunno if fear of being on my own is scarying me im 27. All i was wanting to have a baby at 30. my mum wants me as far away from him as possible.

Abusive partners can change, but usually for lasting change to occur they need counseling themselves. Promises by themselves are usually intended to get the victim to do what the abuser wants – not about lasting change.  Also, his violence has been extreme – strangulation is very violent and very serious and should not be taken lightly. Speaking with a domestic violence counselor would be a good step for you to explore your options and to better understand what affect the abuse is having on you and your 9 year old son. Having a non-biased support person, like one of our counselors to speak to, is often very helpful for survivors.  You can start by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.

I HAVE a freind, he needs extreme help, I don’t know if you can help him, but on short I will tell you a little about the situation.  He is gay - but he should have  rights too. His boyfriend beats him up so bad, that one time he finally hit 
back . Yes, his boyfriend called the cops & put him in jail. For domestic violence, hitting back! He got out of jail, & his boyfriend apologized so they got back together again .so it started up again, even showed his mom the bruises . He is afraid. if we hit back, his boy freind, will tell the cops again. Just like last time. The boy is a stocker , is mother’s house is the safe house for him. So the boy freind jump the fence and into his mother’s backyard . where the person he just beat up is upstairs, hurt!!! do you help people like this?  Told the mother take photos of his beating he takes. But there has to be a better way. Do you help men ( 30’s) that are gay?

WEAVE knows that domestic violence does not discriminate, and neither do we. It is estimated that the GLBTQ community experiences domestic violence at the same rate as straight couples. WEAVE provides services to both men and women who are survivors of domestic violence, and we can provide options for your friend to choose from to utilize to increase his safety. Please let your friend know that WEAVE is there for him too, and our counselors are available at our 24-hour Support Line – 916.920.2952. Our counselors can also provide you information on how you can continue to be a supportive friend and stay safe.

My question is for my daughter, she’s married to someone who is verbally abusive. She says he hasn’t physically touched her but he is very controlling. Now he says if she leaves him she can’t take their child. He is the financial provider for them. She can’t visit us (her family) because of him. Is there any kind of paperwork to establish legal custody of their
child if her abuse  escalates? Because she doesn’t want to lose her son to him since she is not employed at present. Also if there is will he be notified of her attempt to establish the  guardianship?

 Sometimes abusers threaten the victim that if they leave they will never see the child(ren) again. Even though those threats are scary, that is not they way our Family Law courts work. The way for a married couple to resolve custody issues is for one of them to file for a dissolution of marriage. The court will order a child custody plan, set up child support payments, and may even order spousal support depending on several factors. Once one person starts the process, the other party must be notified in person by being served the legal papers (this should not, and can not be done by the person requesting the dissolution of the marriage). WEAVE’s Support Line can provide your daughter more details, and offer additional resources that we offer by calling 916.920.2952.

I have been married for 17 years. My husband was arrested 10 years ago for domestic violence. He has not hit me since has has always been verbally abusive and refuses to pay for our 16 year old daughter’s needs. My daughter is slightly overweight. She chose a sport and he told her this evening that she can either go clothes shopping (which she needs desperately) or the sport but not both. He has over $10,000. I desperately want/need a divorce but I have no money for a lawyer so I can’t leave. Please help.

 If an individual can afford to hire an attorney to represent them in family court it is preferable for many reason, but many couples go through the divorce process without attorneys. WEAVE offers a free class for survivors who reside in Sacramento County to assist them with the paperwork. We provide all the needed paperwork to start the process in a classroom setting, and then we offer individual follow up appointments throughout the divorce process. If you are interested our services, or would like to learn about other legal choices you have, please contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or attend a Legal Triage session on any Thursday between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. (first come, first served).
 I have an adult daughter who suffers from alcoholism and most recently has suffered brain damage. She refuses medical treatment and on top of all this, is in a domestic violence relationship with a Schizophrenic man. He has beaten her so many times, she has had black eyed, broken nose, head fractures and he has been arrested twice, only for the D.A. not even asking if my daughter will press charges, they release him. So in his mind – he has
done nothing wrong. What can a mother do?
 As a mother we want our children to be happy and safe. Sometimes, those that we love choose to stay with their abuser despite our wishes. WEAVE believes it is only the survivor that can choose when, and how they end the abusive relationship. You can always call law enforcement to make a report of abuse when it occurs, but your daughter will always have the choice to stay in the relationship. WEAVE recommends that loved ones of survivors try to focus on the needs of the survivor (not just telling them how bad the abuser is), letting them know they have options, and there are professionals that can help when they are ready. Until the day your daughter is ready to end the relationship, I would suggest getting support for yourself and learning more about resources for both you and your daughter. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line counselors are available for both of you at 916.920.2952.
 

 

I need help how can I get into one of your shelters or assistance quick.

 WEAVE’s Safehouse program provides confidential emergency shelter for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking who are in danger remaining in their current home.  A telephone screening is the first step – call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.  The Support Line experiences a very high call volume during certain times of the day (8 – 10 am, noon to 3 pm) and you may experience a delay.  WEAVE also offers walk in Triage services several times a week when you can meet with a trained advocate to complete a lethality assessment and determine your options (and initiate the Safehouse screening process).  Triage hours at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street, Sacramento) are Tuesdays & Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. and Wednesdays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m.  Triage is also offered at our WEAVE Wellness Center in South Sacramento on Mondays from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I). 

 I have been struggling for a while to get back on my feet after I was raped. I feel I might be in a spot in my life to maybe go back to school. I was wondering if there are programs or scholarships, as I can not afford to really go back to school, and don’t think I will qualify for financial aid. I have been on Permanent Disability pretty much since it happened. I just want to take back my life, and contribute to the society, instead of therapist and psych doctor’s and hospitals all the time.
 
 We would suggest speaking to the college that you would like to attend to find out what scholarships or other financial aid programs you may qualify for. By planning for your future and continuing your education you can take more control of your life. WEAVE believes that when survivors become more empowered by having more choices, they also take back the power that was taken away from a sexual assault. WEAVE can assist with your healing process with free individual counseling. To find out more about counseling, call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
 

My husband physically, verbally, & mentally abused me & since I’ve moved out he still finds a way to get through to me. My dad has cancer, whom I’m staying w, & he continues to reach him about me. I have a domestic violence case # that I never pressed charges on. I’m still married & need help filing in this county now that it has been 90 days. I want to get a restraining order & keep him away from my family. He’s vindictive & I don’t feel safe. Please advise.

It sounds like your husband is still trying to control you through your family.  WEAVE can offer serval resources.  Our 24 hour Support & Information Line is always available if you need support.  WEAVE also offers Legal Triage services on a walk-in basis on Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. (first come, first served).  You can meet with a legal advocate who can help you assess your legal options and services; provide you with information about applying for the restraining order and preparing for the hearing.  In Sacramento County there is no fee to request an order, to have the abuser served by law enforcement, and there are workshops held three times a week at the Family Law Courthouse on Power Inn Drive. WEAVE also assists survivors with the process of filing for a divorce or legal separation. Workshops are held at WEAVE, all the necessary paperwork is provided at no cost, and the workshops themselves are free.

 I am leaving a very abusive marriage, I have an apt lined up and am moving very soon. I am worried I am leaving with nothing and my kids will have no bed and no clothes. I can not buy these items new but have very little money I have been setting aside secretly. I also need legal advice to end my marriage. Can you help with this or know a agency that can help me out.

 WEAVE offers walk-in Triage services where you can meet with an advocate and discuss your various needs. Since you have legal questions, we recommend attending a Legal Triage session held on Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. (first come, first served). Triage is provided at 1900 K Street. During this meeting, we can also help connect you with additional support for clothing and household needs. WEAVE’s Legal Department also offers free workshops for survivors of domestic violence who reside in Sacramento County. The Support Line can give you additional information about these by calling 916.920.2952.
 
 I need to get out of a relationship. He is verbally and mentally abusive. I tried being understanding because we have gone through some very stressful times together (we both were out of work for a while so we lost our house…). But we are now both working and are financially stable but he is still really stressed and is refusing to go to counseling. I am trying to apply for rent but my credit is horrible. Would your organization be able to help me find a safe place to rent for me and my 3 kids. I do not want to live in a shelter, I can afford to pay for rent and I do not want to have to move around. I want to be able to settle in a quiet community so I can enroll my kids in school.
 
WEAVE operates a Safehouse for survivors of domestic violence who are in danger remaining in their home. The Safehouse program provides emergency shelter for up to 60 days. Our 24 Support & Information Line can also provide referrals to other community resources which may be of benefit to you. Call 916.920.2952 to speak with a trained advocate today.
 
Does leaving a violent situation mean I have to lose all of my belongings? Understandably, survivors of abuse often are concerned about their belongings when leaving an abuser. Luckily, most belongings can be replaced, but a life can not. Your safety must always be the priority. If possible, gather critical items/documents in case you need to leave quickly. Who “owns” an item in the eyes of the law varies based on marital status and other factors. You can start the process of finding out your rights by speaking to our Support Line counselors at 916.920.2952. WEAVE also offers walk in Legal Triage on Thursdays from 10:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. (first come, first served) – Legal Triage can assist you in determining what you can and can’t take initially when exiting a relationship.
My daughter’s husband was arrested for causing injury on her and child endangerment. How do you know if this is a one time occurrence or the beginning of a pattern of abuse? If alcohol is eliminated is it still domestic violence? Family members want her to divorce. She wants him to get alcohol rehabilitation and together get marriage counseling. . . (details edited to protect identities) There is never an excuse for domestic violence and there is no way to know the future actions of an abuser. Though alcohol is sometimes apart of abusive relationship, it is never the reason for the abuse. We are all responsible for our actions, and being under the influence of drugs or alcohol does not resolve us from taking responsibility. As a mother who is concerned for the safety of her daughter you can gain the tools to offer her options and support your daughter’s decisions by speaking to WEAVE’s counselors at our Support Line at 916.920.2952.
Do you recommend counseling for married couples? For divorced couples trying to co-parent their children? What resources do you have for men who are victims of verbal abuse? Counseling should be a safe and supportive place. When a relationship is abusive, the victim can not speak freely without fear and counseling is not productive. Individual counseling is a safer option when a marraige has become abusive/violent. Couples experiencing conflict without violence may benefit from couples counseling which is available at WEAVE. WEAVE’s counselors assess the relationship and recommend a course of action which will be safe and productive for both partners. To learn more about our services, call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
I have a domestic violence restraining order in Sacramento county. It is set to expire this year. I want to renew but have now moved to Placer county. Do I apply for renewal in Sacramento or a new one in Placer? You may be eligible to file for a renewal of the existing order in Sacramento County but would need to do before the current order expires. If you file in Placer County you will be filing a new order and would likely need to show additional threats or violence. WEAVE has volunteer attorneys who can assist with filing a renewal in Sacramento County. To learn more, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband is very angry and easily irritated. He has a hard time talking to me and I feel it is getting worse. He never hits me or is physical. He will however throw temper tantrums and hits things or slams things. What can I do to stop this? I feel he is holding me accountable for his emotions. The only person that can stop your husband from being very angry and being easily irritated is your husband. Even if your husband has not physically touched you, if his behavior causes you concern for your safety, then his behavior is abusive and should not be part of loving relationship. WEAVE can ofter you resources that you can use to increase your safety, and focus on your physical and emotional well-being. To learn about the resources available to you, please contact one of our trained counselor at 916.920.2952.
i have charge on my u.s airmen first class boyfriend who treated me horrible and im afraid moving on isnt working and im battered by him and to my self and he deployed and left me for japan so how can i help my self ? “Moving on” after an abusive person is absent can still be very emotionally challenging time. Even if the abuse has stopped, the effects of past abuse may take on many forms such as nightmares, panic attacks, and concerns for one’s personal safety. The healing process has no specific timeline for survivors of domestic violence, but there is support available both over the phone and in-person that you might find helpful. To learn more about the services WEAVE offers, and to explore other options available to you, please contact WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
I don’t know what to do anymore. My sister invited me to stay with her after I graduated from college so I went to her place to find work. But after arriving things have gone bad. If I don’t do exactly what she wants she becomes verbally abusive. On Saturday my sister got mad at me because I told my mom what has been going on and she told me I was lying, etc. When I tried to leave when she started screaming she blocked me from my car, grabbed me by my arms shaking me and then punched me in my face. She finally let me leave but I don’t know what to do because those who saw it won’t say anything or uphold anything I say. I am scared of her and don’t have the money to leave. I don’t know what to do anymore. Verbal and physical violence from a family member can be very scary and upsetting. No one should be treated violently, and you deserve to live in a place you feel safe. By talking with one of our Support Line Counselors you can discover options that you have. One choice is to obtain a domestic violence restraining order that could make it so your sister could not have any contact with you (ie, she would need to stay 100 yards away, and she could not call/text you, etc.). The process of requesting a restraining order is free, and there is even a free workshops that can assist. Another choice might include you finding a safe place for you to live away from your sister, and we can give you information about various programs here in Sacramento that you might qualify for. To get more information please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.
I have a friend who is suicidal with complex ptsd and depression after 20 yrs of abuse by her father. She recently moved out of her parents’ house but has no friends or support and can’t handle living without some kind of help. What resources are there for a person like this – residential program, support group (something to do during the day), etc.? She lives in Sacramento.

Your friend is fortunate to have such a supportive friend in you who is researching resources for an adult survivor of molestation. You may give your friend WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line so we can let her know of the resources here in Sacramento. It might be helpful for you too to talk with a counselor to find ways that you can continue to support your friend. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support Line is 916.920.2952.

Where can I go if I leave home at nite If you feel you are in danger and may need to leave your home, call 9-1-1. WEAVE operates a confidential Safehouse for victims of domestic violence. The first step to entering the Safehouse is to call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. If law enforcement responds to a 9-1-1 call, they can also assist you in calling the Support Line and initiating the in-take process for the Safehouse.

I have a friend who has been in a long relationship which is VERY emotionally abusive. To my knowledge there hasn’t been any violence, but he is VERY controlling. She has lost her identity to some degree and her self esteem is in the pit. She has considered leaving, but she feels she is trapped financially and feels she is doomed to live with this man forever. I am looking for anyone who might be able to help her. I have suggested talking with a counselor even if she goes by herself. She is afraid of the repercussion when she gets home. I know she isn’t strong enough to make the move now, but I want to help her without pushing her. Just need some guidance or avenues that I can suggest when the conversation comes up. Until then I remain her friend and hope our friendship will help her gain strength.
 

As her friend and part of her support network, you are doing the right thing. You are providing her with support and options while respecting that she needs to feel safe and ready to make any changes. A first step you may want to share our 24 hour Support & Information Line – 916.920.2952. This is a confidential call where your friend could speak with a trained advocate about what she is experiencing and her options. This is a first step where she can also learn about other supportive services such as counseling.
I used to live in Sacramento. I moved to southern california and I am in a very horrible abusive relationship. I am 2 months pregnant as well. I need help. Can I get help from you or do I need to take care of it down here. I also have family in sacramento, but I don’t want to put them in danger. It is good you reached out as your situation sounds very serious. If you are in danger, call 9-1-1. WEAVE provides services in Sacramento County. There are organizations like WEAVE throughout California and there will be one near you that can provide you with local resources. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to locate services near you – 800.621.HOPE (4673). You can also begin to create a safety plan for you and your baby – keep important documents like driver’s license/ID, birth certificate, etc. accessible so that you can take them if you must leave in a hurry. Also make a list of important phone number, accounts, etc. that you can access from anywhere (i.e. email them to yourself at an private email address).
im currently in the process of a custody battle with my sons father. my son is now 6 months and since day one his father and I have come to a mutual agreement of the days and hours he can see his son and take him. my question is until the day of court can i decide to not give him any further visitation rights due to emotional and mental abuse? You are not alone. You do not deserve to be abused in any way. To receive legal assistance, you can call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916-319-4905. Please allow at least 3 days for a returned call from WEAVE’s Legal Department. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for services offered, resources and referrals, and support. We know the support and information line can get busy during certain times of day. If possible, call after 4:00 PM and please try to be patient with us. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
CATEGORY – OTHER: Why is it that I sometimes try to kill myself, I feel very tranquil? I cannot wait for death to come. However. when I awake the next morning, I go on like nothing happened. My family is very oblivious to most things, so that could be a reason…But I am usually filled with control and normality the following day. Why is this? Why am I so calm about death and life? Whenever there are thoughts about suicide, it would be beneficial for you share this information with an individual trained to deal with self-harm issues. They can offer support and information. Everyone’s situation is different, so be aware of labeling yourself as “sick”. You may contact the Suicide Hotline at (916) 368-3111 so you can just talk to someone about how you are feeling. Remember, you are not alone.
How can I legally change my 4 month olds last name to mine due to a domestic violence that happen with the guy that I had given her his last name? Need know he is not the father and never signed the birth certificate. I also need to know about how much this will cost me? I live in Ogden Utah. In order for you to access accurate information, it would be best to contact a legal source regarding the process necessary to change your child’s name. You may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support and legal referrals in your area. You may also call WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
How to i get into your program? asap Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I have been wanting to leave my abusive husband for nearly 2 years but I live in a rural area and cannot find anyone to help me move out. How do other women in rural areas manage this problem? Living in a rural area may be challenging in getting direct support regarding your situation but there are some options open to you. You may contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 to talk to a counselor that can provide support and give you information about domestic violence agencies in a city near you. They will also be able to discuss safety planning. If you choose, you may also contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 for the same information and support.
what are some information about intimidation? Thank you for reaching out. You can learn about the types of violence on our website here. If you or someone you know is experience any of the various types of violence, please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to receive support.
What can I do for my daughter? My adult daughter is 32. She and her b/f drink heavily and this lead to fighting. They have both been in jail for d/v but released before court date. I have seen my daughter beaten worse than any boxer. She always goes back. Recently she was in the ER and it was explained that she colapsed in Walmart. Even the doctors did not believe her injuries were in line with her fall. She fractured her basil bone, brain swelling, etc. She left the hospital that night. She now has more injuries and her B/f explains she falls alot. she won’t go to the dr and she won’t go back to ER. I don’t want her to die. What can I do as a mother? Thank you for reaching out. We are here to help. It sounds like you are in a challenging situation. We know it is extremely hard to watch someone you love be treated this way. The best way to support your daughter is by letting her know that you are there for her, as it sounds like you have. You can also provide her with information and resources, such as WEAVE; however, she must be willing to seek help on her own. In order to receive further support and resources for both you and your family, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 Trained advocates are available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week and can provide you with emotional support, information about WEAVE programs and referrals, and assist you (or your daughter) with developing a safety plan. We know the support and information line can get busy during certain times of day. If possible, call after 4:00 PM and please be patient with us. You, or your daughter, may also come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, a safety plan, and additional resources. WEAVE services include Legal Assistance and Advocacy, Counseling Services, support groups and more. If you ever feel you or your family might be in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1.
I don’t have insurance but I believe I need some type of therapy or a counselor. I have been out of my emotionally abusive relationship for about 9 months and I feel as if I am having an emotional break down. I repeat the things I went through in my head…. over and over, I hate this feeling.. I dealt with his emotional and physical abuse. I’ve moved since and he doesn’t know where I live now. I don’t feel unsafe. Just need to talk to someone about the things he did to me! Is there help for me through your services? There is help. You are not alone. WEAVE offers a variety of supportive services, such as counseling and support groups on a sliding scale.  Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I am reaching out for help from WEAVE resources. I have been in contact with your main number and keep getting referred to an answering machine. I am a victim of domestic, verbal and emotional violence with a ex boyfriend of mine also the son of my 7 month old. Last week after I have gave him a chance to have a supervised visit with his son he made a scene and was yelling and making threats to take my child from his home and when I told him to leave he went to hit me in front of my 17 year old son from a previous relationship he witnessed everything and is now scared that something will happen to me or his little brother. I have filed a police report on his acts. We have a court date set for March 27th for child support and now he is fighting for custody. I do not trust him with the baby at all unsupervised do to lack of parenting and the scene and violence he has expressed in front of me as well as my son’s. Long story short I could really use some help and some possible resources to help me with this process or some guidance on what to do? Any type of threatening and uninvited behavior is unacceptable. You should not have to live in fear. You may want to consider a restraining order. WEAVE offers Temporary Restraining Order Workshops Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45 AM to 12:00 PM at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. This workshop will assist you with filing for a restraining order. You can also call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916-319-4905 for legal assistance. Please allow at least 3 days for a returned call from WEAVE’s Legal Department. We know the support and information line can get busy during certain times of day. If possible, call after 4:00 PM and please try to be patient with us. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
Posting of Personal Information on the Message Board WEAVE cannot reply to questions which include names, telephone numbers or other identifying information. For the concerned person who posted the request including their cell phone number, please call WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952
I am in a mostly emotionally abusive, bullying and controlling relationship. Occasionally the relationship gets physically abusive, like this evening. I am a stay at home mom with 4 children and my spouse is a family law attorney. He says that I instigate the physical abuse. It doesn’t look like he is willing to seek help. I need to get back in the work force and on my feet. But first I need to regain some self-esteem and confidence. But I have no material resources. He controls all of the money through his office. What can WEAVE do for me? It can be extremely exhausting to live in an abusive environment. Please remember that you are not alone and you have options. WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers a variety of services, many of which are either free or on a sliding scale. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about services offered, resources and referrals, and receive emotional support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I’m in an domestic violence relationship of 4 yrs..how do i get out of it? Thank you for reaching out – that is the first step! Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to receive support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
Is there a organization that will help get a abused women out, and away from the harmful situation? WEAVE offers supportive services, such as counseling, support groups, and even a confidential Safehouse. There are also domestic violence agencies similar to WEAVE all over California. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for resources in your area.
I am trapped in a marriage with 3 children all girls. My husband’s anger has gotten worse and worse to the point of pushing. It hasn’t led to more than that. He has at times slapped my kids but never leaves marks I am worried things will get worse. He is in total denial. I have a business and if I leave I will have NO INCOME AND NO JOB. I have no clue where to turn. For years there has been emotional abuse to the point of secluding me from my family and controlling where I go. I even have time limits on how long I should grocery shop. For years I thought this is normal but I am seeing this is not. He knows he has me trapped and threatens to take my kids is I leave. I filled out divorce papers online but I have no way of filing and if he knew I did and we are still living together would heighten the situation. So I do not know how you can help me or if you can being I am not being physically abused? You are not alone and you should not have to live in fear. WEAVE’s Safehouse may be an option for you. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line can provide you with emotional support and assist you with referrals and service information. The Support and Information Line number is 916.920.2952. WEAVE also provides counseling services and legal services that may assist you during this difficult time.
what is the 1st coarse of action when dealing with domestic violence when it deals with the male partner, the abuser being married only for papers, and is threatening of life? Each situation is different. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to recieve support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1.
I just found out that my grandson is beating his girlfriend up. How can I help her without him knowing? She doesn’t know that I know yet. They have two children together, a baby girl 5 months and a little boy 5 years old. It sounds like you are in a challenging situation. We know it is extremely hard to watch someone you love be treated this way. The best way to support your grandson’s girlfriend is to let her know that you support her. However, she must be willing to seek help. In order to receive further support and resources for both you, and your grandson’s girlfriend, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
I have a cousin who was just beat up by her husband. She got a temporary restraining order, but it expired and the permanent one does not take effect until tomorrow. As such, he has come to their home and is refusing to leave. He is threatening her and has cut off her resources so she can’t leave. Without resources, she was not able to get an attorney (her credit card was denied when she tried). He has taken the children and is refusing to let her see them. She lives in San Jose and I told her to call WEAVE. Evidently, there is no WEAVE in her area. Do you know of anything like WEAVE in the San Jose area? WEAVE does not have an center in San Jose; however, there are domestic violence agencies similar to WEAVE all over California. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for resources in your area.
My sister in law is being verbally and physiologically abused by my brother. She wants to end this situation, it has been almost three years, but she is afraid that my brother will react violently. Please how can she be help or how can I help her? We are very sorry to hear of your sister-in-law’s situation. We know it is extremely hard to watch someone you love be treated this way. The best way to support your sister-in-law is to let her know that you support and care for her. You can provide her with resources, but she must make the decision to seek help on her own. In order to receive further support and referrals for both yourself and your sister-in-law, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
Hello, I am a survivor who has no outside connections that can
assist me with practicing driving. I have a permit, but only limited funds for about 2 lessons with instructors. I need to get a licence so that I can improve the quality of life for my toddler and myself. I was wondering if there are any resources for this? Thank You for everything that you do.
It sounds like you are in a challenging situation. There are various resources available in the community. 2-1-1 Sacramento is helpful referral service, which may be able to help. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for support, resources, and access to services.
My daughter & 3 grandkids moved from the Sac area to Texas to live with her boyfriend (father of her youngest) who has turned out to be a control freak and is constantly putting her down he is getting worse daily! She wants out so her brother & I are going to fly to TX & help them come back next week. She is scared to stay with me and I’m nervous about it also, since he knows where I live, will likely be furious and could come to my house. She wants me to see if she can stay at a shelter and hide from him. She can’t make calls because he monitors all she does, so I told her I would ask. He is also an illegal immigrant, so he does not have any rights to custody, etc is this correct? Thank you for reaching out. There are options available to your daughter. WEAVE is here to help. It sounds like WEAVE’s Safehouse may be an option for her. To discuss options and resources and develop a safety plan, please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
I have filed for divorce from my husband before, and he just “hounds” me, follows me around, threatens the kids, threatens everything until I withdraw the claim, How can I deal with this until a court date is available the pressure is absoultely horrible. You should not have to live in fear. You may want to consider a restraining order. WEAVE offers Temporary Restraining Order Workshops Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45 AM to 12:00 PM at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. This workshop will assist you with filing for a restraining order. Make sure you are also documenting and keeping a log of incidents, in as much detail as possible. If you have additional questions or need emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you ever feel you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call 9-1-1.
Im a 19 year old living with my parents and brother. My brother is a 13 year old whos bigger than i am in height and width.. he easily angers and he kicks,punches,shoves me and calls me awful things like the B word, H word and so much more. my parents have told him to stop and if he didnt they would do this and that, but all im seeing is small talk but they dont do a thing.over the past maybe more than 7 months ive been feeling depressed and hurt. ive harmed myself before ive cut on my left arm about 6 times and i used to reopen them but luckily have stopped. all i feel is pain inside when all these flashbacks come to mind.anything i could do? It can be extremely exhausting to live in an abusive environment. Please remember that you are not alone. You have options and WEAVE is here to help. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for services offered, resources and referrals, and support. If you ever feel that you are in danger to yourself or someone else, please call 9-1-1.
I have a question, im 22 yrs old with 2 young children. My boyfriend beats me so bad when he gets mad like im a guy. I have to lie about why im so sore or why i have cuts and bruses, its starting to go to far and i have realized this is not love. He controls everything, even the tv shows i want to watch, i want to get away from him but i dnt know how. I have no one or no where to go. You are not alone. You do not deserve to be abused in any way. WEAVE’s Safehouse may be an option for you. The 24 hour Crisis Line can provide you with emotional support and assist you with referrals for help. The Support and Information Line number is 916.920.2952. WEAVE also provides counseling services and legal services that may assist you during this difficult time.
I need to file for a divorce but don’t have funds to do it. Is there anything that can help? I make more money than the maximum allowed to get the fee waived through Sacramento County. WEAVE offers a free dissolution (divorce and legal separation) workshop on the second Thursday of each month at 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM. It takes place at 1900 K Street in midtown Sacramento. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for more information.
I was in an abusive marriage for many years. Now that I am out of it, I have found myself in a roommate situation where he beats her. He has hit the next door neighbor, and has threatened me. What are my options? I can’t seem to get past the fear, and I think a lot of the fear is because of my marriage. It sounds like you may be experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder. This is very common among survivors. WEAVE provides counseling and support services for survivors of domestic violence. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to access counseling services, learn about options and receive support. You can also come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
I was married for 13 years and left two years ago. He is still very much a part of my life because we share a daughter. During our marriage he never hit me so I didn’t consider it abuse but he would hurt me sexually, criticize me continually and physically overpower me in order to get me to do what he wanted. I have a male friend who wants to be more but I am terrified because of my past and only experience with men. He suggested contacting you about a woman’s support group or counseling. Is there someone who can help me sort this out so I can be a healthy example for my daughter? You have already taken a hugely important step in the right direction. WEAVE offers a variety of services, including a 24-hour Support and Information Line, individual and group counseling. To access services, please consider coming in for a free Triage assessment – offered Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm at WEAVE – Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento.
I have 3 children and my husband is very emotionally abusive,I have a job but no way to move to be able to afford housing and also bad credit, I want to leave and I know my older kids are tired of the fighting. Is there help for a woman employed but can’t get out. I keep trying to leave but then I just hope things will get better , years later it’s worse but not physically abusive I have no options I feel helpless. It can be extremely difficult to leave an abusive environment. You have options and we are here to help. You can come in and speak with a WEAVE advocate one-on-one. When meeting with the advocate you will discuss and assess your level of danger, prepare a safety plan and will be provided with information on appropriate services. This service is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for additional resources and support.
I recently left an abusive marriage my belongings are still there and he is threatning those around me if he sees me with them. He is with holding our assets and I was wondering if there is any legal help available to me. You have taken a very important first step towards healing. For legal assistance, please call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916.319.4905. Please allow at least 3 days for a returned call from WEAVE’s Legal Department. You may also contact’s WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for additional resources, information and referrals.
After 10 years, I have removed myself from my abuser. I lived in Government housing and left it. I took my rent money and just left, after living in Housing for close to 11 years. I am now living with my daughter, but I want to have my own place again. Is there any help I can recieve to help me on my way?? I am a Survior! We are so glad to hear you were able to leave. There are many resources available. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for support, resources and referrals. 2-1-1 Sacramento is another helpful referral service, which may be able to help.

My best friend of 37 years has been married for seven years. She is a victim of a Mr.Sensitive abuser on steroids who controls her physically, emotionally and financially. He has strategically broken her and she is unable to escape. I want to give you her name and address because if anything happens to her, the husband did it. He got her fired from her last job by calling too much. She has been on unemployment for 3 years, has no credit, no money, no car. She has been isolated from friends and family. I am all she has left and he won’t allow us to spend any time together. She told me that she is allowed to go to church, but he has to go too. I want to reach out to the community to help me protect my friend. Thank you so much.

We are very sorry to hear of your friend’s situation and we know it is extremely hard to watch someone you love be treated this way. Isolation is a huge factor in domestic violence relationships and is very common. The best way to support your friend is to let her know that you support and care her, no matter what. However, she must be willing to seek help. In order to receive further support and referrals for both you, and your friend, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952
Does Weave have an office in Utah? I have an ex who is becoming more and more aggressive, stalks me, assaulted me in the back yard. And is threatening to kill me in front of my ten year old, disabled child. My ex has custody. And I am now realizing that my child is in the custody of not just a narcissist but, a psychopath who seems always to be making death threats, death plans and innuendos. I am growing very tired of this. I would immediately cut off all contact & leave the state. But, he has my child. I am not sure if I should just leave any ways to prevent my son seeing his mother murdered? I am afraid for my child being with someone who is capable of murder and is controlling, aggressive and abusive. My divorce decree states that I cannot leave the state to live. However, I would not have my child. So, I don’t know that this legality matters. Or, does it? Not sure what my next steps should be. WEAVE does not have an office in Utah; however, there are domestic violence agencies similar to WEAVE all over the United States. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for resources in your area. If you ever feel that you or your son are in danger, please call 9-1-1.
Is verbal and emotional abuse apart of domestic violence? WEAVE identifies five types of domestic violence – physical, emotional, financial, sexual, and spiritual. All types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control. Verbal/emotional abuse is considered as one of the five types of domestic violence. Verbal/emotional abuse can be just as damaging as the other forms of abuse. Though the damage subjected to the survivors of is not visible as it might be from physical abuse, the pain and healing process are similar. To learn more about different forms of abuse and services WEAVE offers, please contact the Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband says he doesn’t know any better and cant change how he was born. He is physically violent (following the cycle). Any time he and I are on good terms, he always seems to turn on his two children (my step children). He keeps us all so afraid, but says we are the ones who are always poking the bear. I love him and don’t want him to go to jail, or think that he needs to, but I’m afraid for myself and those kids. I have no legal rights to them. Last week he picked up a machete and told me that he was going to give me 16 chops after yelling at me for hours, all in front of them. I told them to get in the car and left with them, but he said he would call the cops and say I kidnapped them so I came back. what do i do? If you ever feel that you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1. It sounds like you are experiencing the cycle of violence. The cycle occurs in three phases. The tension phase, the explosion phase, and the honeymoon phase. The cycle is recurring. Please consider contacting WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. A trained advocate can help you develop a safety plan, connect you with services, and provide emotional support.
i am 8 months pregnant and have used meth occasionally thru my pregnancy. i desperatley would like some help to get cleaned up. my boyfriend leaves me at home for days at atime with no food. i live in a trailer with broken windows and is no place to bring a baby home to. i need some help. please what can i do? Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for support, resources and referrals. 2-1-1 Sacramento is another helpful referral service, which may be able to help.
are there any services that provide help for woman who are homeless, experiencing a violent spousal situation, but also have pets? WEAVE has been responding to this barrier for several years through a partnership with the Sacramento SPCA. Together, we offer the Safe Pets Program where the SPCA provides free board and care for the pets of victims up to 30 days for victims staying the Safehouse (longer if the situation warrants it). While it is not as ideal as having the pet(s) with the family, it is a partnership that keeps pets and families safe and ensures a victim is not forced to choose between her pets and her safety. We also work with victims to include pets on Temporary Restraining Order applications which ensures that any attempted abuse/abduction of pets as part of the pattern of violence is recognized as a violation of the TRO and can lead to additional criminal charges. Please call WEAVE’s Support & Information Line for more information at 916.920.2952.
Were can I find out about your service for men that are being the victim. WEAVE serves men, women and children who are victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in Sacramento County. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for more information.
Are there eligibility requirements to get help from WEAVE and if so what are they? Can you summarize the services that WEAVE offers and what action does a family need to take to start receiving services? WEAVE offers a variety of services relating to sexual assault and domestic violence issues. Our services include a 25-hour Support and Information Line, Safehouse, Legal Assistance, and domestic violence and sexual assault counseling, and more. To learn more, please explore the website or call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.
I need to file for a separation from my husband, but I am disabled with no income and in my 50’s with a 6yr. old daughter. He has become increasingly verbally abusive and I need to know how to file so that I may raise my daughter in an environment that is not so hostile and mentally abusive. I am totally dependent upon his income for housing and for the costs of raising my daughter. I have applied for Social Security Disability benefits but have been denied. I do not want to continue to live in such a toxic environment, I have lost an excess of 30 pounds dues to his constant barrage of insults and threats to take our daughter. I need to know where I can go for help. It can be exhausting to live in an abusive environment. You have options and you are not alone. You can call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916-319-4905 for legal assistance. Please allow at least 3 days for a returned call from WEAVE’s Legal Department. You may also contact’s WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for information and referrals.
I feel very confused about my situation. My husband of 10 years is a good guy with an explosive temper, usually towards others (road rage, etc.), occasionally at me and the kids. It’s like he has no control. He has raised a fist and pushed a couple times, but has never hit, he has thrown an item or two at me in the heat of the moment. I am not afraid of him, but his blow ups are terrifying. I find myself orchestrating our kids and environment to avoid blow ups or even provoking him when the kids aren’t around so that I can at least control the timing. He is otherwise a good husband and dad and is always extremely remorseful to the point where I usually end up comforting him. He says he wants counseling, but never follows through. We both have jobs, but we keep seperate accounts and the bills I am responsible for leave me with very little left over to save to go anywhere if needed. I’m feeling quite unempowered and stuck. I love him so much and our kids adore him, but I feel like things have gotten worse as time goes on and I worried about our well-being in the future and the effect it’s having on my kids. These huge blow ups are literally months apart, but I feel stressed all the time. I truly feel that if I left, he would commit suicide or something drastic. I have never considered myself an abused person, but I know this is not normal and has intensified over the past year to the point where I am literally going back and forth in my mind on a daily basis about what to do. I can’t even talk about it without crying now. I feel like he needs me, I love him, the kids love him, and he is a good man at his core if he would just get help, but something holds him back from doing it. I don’t know what to do. It sounds like you are experiencing the cycle of violence. The cycle occurs in three phases. The tension phase, the explosion phase, and the honeymoon phase. The cycle is recurring. It is normal to question whether or not you’re in an abusive relationship. WEAVE identifies 5 types of domestic violence. All of these types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. These types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and Information Line, where you can speak to a trained advocate about these issues, receive support, and learn about your options. The 24-hour Support and Information line number is 916.920.2952. You can also attend a Free Triage assessment – Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-2pm and Wednesdays from 5 PM – 7 PM.
My husband has turned physical on me and is now incarcerated. He has been diagnosed with a mental disorder which contributes to his violence towards me… I wanted to know how he can find help with his disorder while in he is in jail and how? I’m having a really hard time accepting that we will no longer be able to continue our relationship together… Where do I start to make this bad dream go away? Also, what/how should I tell my family? You are in a challenging situation. It is not normal to care deeply for your partner, and it is not uncommon to feel this way even after they have hurt you. Anger management (i.e. abuser intervention) programs are an important resource in efforts to end domestic violence in our community. There are numerous approved programs. To receive a full list of Anger Management programs in our area, please call our 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. The Support Line advocate will also be able to provide emotional support and resources.
my friends brother beats her and has all her life and her family hasn’t done anything to help her and she is scared to ask for help. she told me he stopped for a while but she called me crying tonight because it started again but she said it is worse than ever that he was kicking and punching her. she never told me until tonight when she called. what can i do to help her? It is painful and terrifying to watch someone you love be treated this way. There are options available to your friend; however your friend has to be willing to receive help. WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information line can provide your friend with referrals, emotional support, and options. The number is 916.920.2952. Also, your friend may come in and speak with a WEAVE advocate through triage. Triage is available, on a first come, first served basis on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm at WEAVE – Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento.
I am a 17 year old mother. I have a 4 month old baby girl, and my boyfriend is 19. He’s the father of my child. Before we have gotten together he was never ever abusive. But as months passed, he became abusive. I think it was because i had moved in with him 3 years ago. And thats when everything started. His aggressiveness never stopped until i became pregnant. When i was pregnant, everything was fine. He would never lay a hand on me. But now that i had gave birth to my child, everytime we argue, he always ends up threatning me that he’ll punch me in the face. And yes he did before and he broke my left cheek bone. What should i do? Love should never hurt. There a several types of domestic violence, and threatening violence is a form of abuse. WEAVE offers triage services where you can meet with a WEAVE advocate and assess your level of danger, prepare a safety plan and provide you with referrals for appropriate services. Triage is available on a first come first serve basis Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 AM – 1 PM and Wednesdays from 4 PM – 7 PM. For more information and support call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. If you ever feel you are in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1.
My husband is physically and emotionally abusive, but I feel like I can’t leave that this point because I am currently 7 months pregnant, I’ve been cut off from my family and friends and he is the only one making money because I’m on bed rest due to complications with the pregnancy. What should be my first step, I’m scared that I’ll be stuck here forever if I don’t do something about this now. There are options available to you. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help. To discuss your options and discuss a safety plan you can call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 or come in for triage assessment and meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss safety planning, resources, and options. Triage is free and available at WEAVE Midtown – 1900 K Street, Sacramento on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 10 AM and 1 PM and Wednesdays between 4 PM – 7 PM.
“Hi. I believe I was in an abusive dating relationship. It lasted 2 years and just ended 2 months ago. It was nothing physical, but plenty of emotional and some sexual abuse. Since ending the relationship, he has shown up at my house at midnight unannounced (from out of town! He doesn’t live near me), and has been dropping cards and notes off at my doorstep. Lots of questions from my kids since they don’t know about him, and have never met him. I am scared, especially since now he has chossen to join my yoga studio not only as a student, but as an instructors assistant, with only 2 yoga classes under his belt. And, he still lives an hour and a half away from me and my place of yoga. I feel like I am being stalked, and I don’t know what to do! I continually feel victimized! I feel like I must leave “”my family, my community”" because I am very fearful of what might happen next. I am terrified at the fact that he can show up anywhere at anytime without notice! I feel helpless, victimized, confused, and scared. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks.”
 
Any type of threatening and uninvited behavior is unacceptable. You should not have to live in fear. You may want to consider a restraining order. WEAVE offers Temporary Restraining Order Workshops Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45 AM to 12:00 PM at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. This workshop will assist you with filing for a restraining order. Make sure you are also documenting and keeping a log of incidents, in as much detail as possible. If you have additional questions or need emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you ever feel you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call 9-1-1.
I am in California but my sister lives in Wichita Kansas……….are you in Kansas? Can your organization help me get my sister away from her abusive son and to me, here in California? thank you. Oh and the abuse is mental, verbal, sometimes physical, using threats and violence…….she is scared for her life…….hides in her room to stay away from him…..and walks on egg shells so as not to trigger his violent temper. There are domestic violence agencies similar to WEAVE all over the United States. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for resources in your area.
My spouse is an abusive alcoholic. After 20 years 3-4 years with the legal contract. Do I have rights? She is trying to get me to sign paper work without my attorney / I am waiting on a call from your legal department / The family I am dealing with will all lie to protect the alcoholic / They are so happy that I am financially ruined. Like this is a joke! Please, what are my rights as a married man getting divorced?? and I’m in a wheelchair You may want to consult a local family law attorney regarding your rights. If you live in or have a divorce case in Sacramento County and are not represented by an attorney, you can call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916-319-4905 for assistance. Please allow at least 3 days for a returned call from WEAVE’s Legal Department. You can also contact’s WEAVE’s Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for information and referrals.
I am married but I am not happy its abusive at times, more emotional abuse but I am afraid I have two kids and I don’t want them in the system they are not being abused And I am seeking help for myself because I am tired and majorly depressed and feel suicidal at times. It can be extremely exhausting to live in an abusive environment. You have options and we are here to help. You may come in and speak with a WEAVE advocate one-on-one. When meeting with the advocate you will discuss and assess your level of danger, prepare a safety plan and will be provided with information on appropriate services. This service is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for additional resources and support. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger to yourself or others, call 9-1-1.
My sister and 4 year old daughter have been moved to Arkansas from California by my sister’s abusive partner. Since moving to Arkansas 4 months ago, the verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse has greatly increased–both toward my 32 year old sister and 4 year old neice. Because she was moved across the country, she has no one to run to and a friend is going to contact authorities to at least get protection for my niece. Are there any programs that can help my family financially to bring my neice and sister back to a safe environment before it is too late? There are domestic violence agencies similar to WEAVE all over the United States. Please call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 for referrals, emotional support, and options. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for resources in your area.
my bestfriend is verbally/emotionally abused by her boyfriend and she cant get out of the relationship.what should she do? It is difficult to leave an abusive situation. Your friend does have options and she can leave, however she must want to leave her relationship. Your friend may come in to speak with a WEAVE advocate one-on-one. When meeting with the advocate your friend will discuss and assess her level of danger, prepare a safety plan and will be provided with referrals for appropriate services. This service is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm. She may also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for additional resources and support.
Just recently I moved in with my boyfriend and he started spitting at my face, pulling my hair, Im scare to leave so what? If someone is spitting at your face and pulling your hair they do not respect you. This is a form of physical violence. WEAVE offers triage services for you to speak one on one with a WEAVE advocate. Triage is available on a first come, first served basis on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm. If you need additional emotional support and/or resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
What is the process for getting help for my niece and her 4 children who are victims of DV if she has been arrested? Your niece can still apply for a restraining order, even though she’s been arrested. The judge looks at each case individually, on its own merits. Her arrest may be a factor, but it generally does not determine whether she will get a temporary restraining order or not.
My 21 year old son, is verbally/emotionally abusive towards me and wants to move in with my ex, an abuser. Where’s help for him? Children often repeat behaviors they learn from their parents (the perpetrator or the victim). It is learned in the home by observation and reinforcement. There are programs for your son, however your son has to want to receive help. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line can provide your son with referrals for counseling and various other programs. The number is 916.920.2952. Also, you may come in and speak with a WEAVE advocate through triage. Triage is available, on a first come, first served basis on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.
im 17 and my boyfriends 19 he was never abusive before we have been together for 2 years how does it stop? Abuse is about power and control. Chances are the abuse will never stop because the person wants control of every situation. There are perpetrator programs available, however your boyfriend needs to realize there is a problem and want to receive help. You can not help him. For additional information, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
Husband has a mental imbalance problem an doesn’t have treatment. But he is mentally, physical abusive towards me. You do not deserve to be mentally and physically abused. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line can offer you referrals, emotional support and options. Please call 916.920.2952 to speak with a WEAVE advocate.
I left an abusive marriage 4 years ago. When I see abuse or hear loud noises sometimes I get flashbacks. Is this normal? Yes, some survivors of domestic violence experience what you are experiencing. You may have a trauma response called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Although PTSD is most commonly associated with the traumatic experiences of war, it can be applied to reactions to many forms of trauma, including natural disaster, rape and other forms of violent crimes. It is brought on primarily by intense feelings of helplessness and impending death. WEAVE offers counseling services to assist you with what you are experiencing. Call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for information about counseling and support group services.
My husband has closed both of our joint credit cards and cancelled the ATM card for our joint checking account. Is that legal? Laws vary from state to state regarding divorce and division of assets. You may want to consult a local family law attorney regarding your rights. If you live in or have a divorce case in Sacramento County and are not represented by an attorney, you can call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916-319-4905 for assistance.
My husbands anger towards my 16 year old son is starting to get violent. He is only angry to him, not to anyone else. HELP You are in a challenging position. Since being violent with a 16 year old is child abuse, your husband needs assistance in learning how to manage his anger and parent with non-violent communication. There are many resources to help him in the community which our support line can assist with identifying. If he refuses to get help, you have some hard decisions to make regarding how to intervene such as reporting his behavior to child protective services or taking your son away so he is not exposed to the violence. It is important for you to take action so that your son learns that his father’s behavior is unacceptable.
I love my boyfriend but he is not nice. Violent and abusive. He wants to stop his anger. Where do we go and what do we do? It is great that your boyfriend would like to seek assistance. He may call Positive Options to deal with anger management issues. The number is 916.973.2838. Another option for him is VIP Man Alive. The number is 877.366.8935. Lastly, he may call Changing Courses at 916.332.5056 or Evergreen Counseling Center at 916.487.0657. If you have additional questions please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
My husband has beaten me once. However threatens to hit every argument. Im not comfortable with his anger. How do i get out? Just because your husband has used physical violence towards you once does not mean he will not do it again. Love should not hurt and he should not be threatening you. Abuse is about power and control and he is threatening you to control you. WEAVE offers triage services where you can meet with a WEAVE advocate and assess your level of danger, prepare a safety plan and provide you with referrals for appropriate services. Triage is available on a first come first serve basis on: Tuesdays and Thursdays: 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays: 4 pm – 7 pm. For more information and support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
My friend is 22 yrs old and a prisoner in her own home by her parents, who threaten her with violence. Wat shud i do 4 her? This is a very difficult situation for you and your friend. Be supportive of her decisions. You may provide her with resources to receive help. Inform her of WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line. The number is 916.920.2952. A trained WEAVE advocate can provide her with emotional support, discuss her options and provide her with referrals. The advocate can also assist you with supporting your friend.
would my friend be eligible for safehouse while abusive bf is extracted from her apt? Your friend may be eligible to stay at WEAVE’s Safehouse depending on her situation. Please have your friend call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information at 916.920.2952 to speak with a WEAVE advocate. An advocate can discuss your friend’s options, create a safety plan and provide her with referrals.
I was in abused and am now in a wonderful relationship with no abuse. But now I’m abusing him. why? This is not uncommon. Unresolved anger from previous abusive relationships can erupt in present relationships. It is important to seek therapy to heal from the previous abuse and learn new ways to manage anger. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to receive referrals, support and information.
i have been with my bf for the last two and a half years.hes very abusive and has went to jail..im now pregnant how do i leave? There are many options for you. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help. To discuss your options and discuss a safety plan you may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 or come in for triage and meet with a WEAVE advocate between the hours of 10 AM and 1 PM.
Need to leave abusive bf i need a place to move to i hav two evictions cant find a place to help.but hav a job.and the money. The WEAVE Safehouse may be an option for you. To access WEAVE services and/or for referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
How do I get help getting away and into another place away from the situation? An advocate on the WEAVE 24 hour Support and Information line can assist you with developing a safety plan and discuss safe options for you to leave the situation. The number is 916.920.2952. You may also come in for triage Monday through Friday from 10 AM to 1 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss options, your safety plan, and provide you with referrals.
What to do – first showing of physical abuse – lots of personal and financial problems and a special needs child. I feel lost You are not alone. What you’re going through is extremely difficult. It is okay to feel lost. WEAVE is here for you. WEAVE offers triage services Monday through Friday from 10 AM to 1 PM. The triage process includes meeting with WEAVE advocate who will help assess your level of danger, prepare a safety plan, and offer referrals. The 24 hour Support and Information line is a great resource for emotional support and assisting you with options. The Support and Information line is 916.920.2952.
Do u have any services that will work with a couple together on communication to prevent further domestic violence? WEAVE offers couples counseling at a sliding scale fee. The couple will need to be triaged individually. Triage is available Monday through Friday from 10 AM to 1 PM on a first come first serve basis. Other agencies that assist with this matter are Family Study Center 916.456.4412 and Family Therapy Institute of Sacramento 916.967.0778. For additional referrals, questions, and/or emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
Why do most women stay with their abusive partner? There is a variety of reasons why victims stay with an abusive partner. These reasons include fearing their abusers will become more violent—perhaps fatal—stalking them if they leave, friends and family may not support their decision to leave, they fear the financial hardships, and/or fear of losing custody of any minor children. In addition, there are periods of calm, nurturing and love between incidents of violence and the victim may think the violence will stop. The victim may also be unaware of sources of advocacy and support. WEAVE offers a variety of resources for victims of domestic violence. For more information about the services WEAVE offers call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
how do i get a restraing order WEAVE offers Temporary Restraining Order Workshops Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 8:45 AM to 12:00 PM at the William Ridgeway Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. This workshop will assist you with filing for a restraining order. If you have additional questions or need emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
Do you have a number I can call for mental abuse from my husband? I have no idea what to do. Thank you. Mental abuse is a form of domestic violence. WEAVE can help you. For information about WEAVE services and emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
i need to leave but i have 4 dogs WEAVE has been responding to this barrier for several years through a partnership with the Sacramento SPCA. Together, we offer the Safe Pets Program where the SPCA provides free board and care for the pets of victims up to 30 days for victims staying the Safehouse (longer if the situation warrants it). Those staying at the Safehouse can visit their pets regularly and know they are being well cared for separate from the surrendered/adoptable animal population at the SSPCA. While it is not as ideal as having the pet(s) with the family, it is a partnership that keeps pets and families safe and ensures a victim is not forced to choose between her pets and her safety. We also work with victims to include pets on Temporary Restraining Order applications which ensures that any attempted abuse/abduction of pets as part of the pattern of violence is recognized as a violation of the TRO and can lead to additional criminal charges.
can someone from another county use your services? WEAVE serves domestic violence and sexual assault survivors who reside in Sacramento County. Depending on your situation WEAVE’s Safehouse does take out of county transfers. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line advocate can provide you with referrals and information for a domestic violence organization in your area. You may also call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for resources in your area.
Im afraid lose my 2 babies im in a safehouse he filed custody.Says im abuser,unstable im scared he’l convince he’s good at it Abusers are often good at putting on a facade that makes them look reasonable. Court mediation is designed to try to help parents create a parenting plan that is in the best interests of the children, not based on who seems reasonable. WEAVE’s legal department can assist you with custody matters depending on your situation. Please call 916.319.4905.
I like 2 leave my abusive husbnd, will I have the right 2 claim the house even thou were in foreclosure process? There are many factors that go into determining legal ownership of property and only an attorney can provide you with sound legal advice. WEAVE may be able to provide you with more information through its Legal Advocacy and Assistance program. To access legal services through WEAVE and to learn of other community resources, start by calling our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. The trained advocates can give you more information and connect you with appropriate services.
Boyfriend suffering from PTSD, fine 1 min then is screaming & violent the next Cant leave bc of threats va taking 2 long 2 help Your safety is extremely important. It is not okay for someone to threaten to harm you. There is help for both of you. WEAVE can provide your boyfriend with referrals to anger management, counseling, and various other agencies that can assist him with his situation. WEAVE’s educational presentations may assist you with learning more about domestic violence and WEAVE services. Call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to access these resources and for emotional support.
My husband spit in my face last night. I feel humiliated and trapped! Spitting in your face not appropriate and humiliating. You deserve to be treated with respect. WEAVE can help you to find ways to remember your worth and create healthy relationships in your life. Call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 920.2952 to speak with a certified counselor who will help you understand what has happened and identify resources that may be useful.
i need legal advice for divorce i dont want yo lose my kids WEAVE provides dissolution workshops the 2nd Thursday of every month from 6:15 PM to 8:30 PM and the 3rd Wednesday of every month from 2:45 PM to 5:00 PM. At this workshop you may speak with a WEAVE legal advocate about your situation and receive assistance in filing dissolution of your marriage.
I question whether or not I was really in an abusive relationship. I am scared people think I am just being dramatic. Many people are in your situation. Questioning whether or not your are in an abusive relationship is normal. WEAVE identifies 5 types of domestic violence. All of these types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. These types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations. The five types of abuse are physical, emotional, verbal, sexual and financial. WEAVE offers an educational workshop on Mondays from 5:45 PM to 7:30 PM and Fridays from 11:45 AM to 1:30 PM. This workshop provides information about domestic violence, sexual assault, WEAVE crisis intervention services and counseling programs. For more information and support call our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
I am scared that my ex boyfriend will find out that I had to get help because of what he did to me. Is this normal? Yes, your feelings are normal. It is okay to feel scared. You did the right thing by getting help. It is important for you to express your feelings and protect yourself. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line can provide you with emotional support through this difficult time.
Husband who is physically abusive took his belongings and left. Why do I want to call him? I’m beginning to think I’m crazy! You may to call him because you care deeply about him. It is normal to have deep feeling for your abuser. It is natural to feel like it was your fault and you want to make the relationship work; however love shouldn’t hurt. Someone who physically abuses you does not respect you. Love is respect. You may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line for emotional support and to speak with a trained advocate about your feelings. The number is 916.920.2952.
I married an abusive US citizen, i ran away. can i apply for self-petition for permanent residency? who can help me file? You may be able to self-petition for residency under VAWA (Violence Against Women Act of 1994). You will need to speak to an immigration attorney or a non-profit that does immigration. If you reside in Sacramento, McGeorge School of Law has an immigration clinic that helps with VAWA. The number is (916) 340-6080. For more information call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.
My 4 yrs. husb. raised fist, then shoved my face during an argument, VERY unlike him. Is it ok for him “lose it” sometimes? Anger should never lead to aggression. It is not okay for someone to intimidate you with violence. Anger management may be a solution for him. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line for resources, referrals and support.
Publically my husband appears reasonable/rational.Privately he is controlling/hysically abusive disciplining our kids.Abusive? Abuse is about power and control. It is never right to hit another individual whether it is your child, your spouse, your friend, etc. Spanking is not uncommon in disciplining, however spanking is narrowly defined. It is considered abuse if objects, skin to skin contact, marks being left, and if discipline is excessive. Parenting classes may be an option for you and your husband. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line can provide you with referrals. The number is 916.920.2952.
My husband gets abusive when he drinks, he has a no harrassment order on him,I have no place to go and I am afraid for my safety If you are in immediate danger please call local law enforcement or 9-1-1. If you need immediate help responding to abuse or violence in your relationship, WEAVE provides in person and telephone triage services. In person appointments are on a first come, first served basis Monday through Friday between the hours of 10 AM and 1 PM. The triage process includes meeting with a WEAVE Advocate who helps assess your level of danger, helps you prepare a safety plan and provides referrals. You may call our 24-hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 for more information about WEAVE services and emotional support.
my BF says I have no business knowing what he does, I cant control my emotions. Am I at fault for making him mad at me? Every relationship is different. Healthy relationships include some level of conflict at times. Without knowing more about your relationship, it is impossible to provide insight into whether or not it is unhealthy conflict and possibly abusive. Good warning signs are: a partner refuses to tell you their whereabouts but demand to know where you are at all times; a partner that gets angry and uses threats and yelling to intimidate you to stop you from asking questions; etc. It might be helpful for you to talk with a counselor on our Support and Information Line to learn more. You can call any time – day or night – the number is 916.920.2952.
Is it possible to get a restrainig order without any police reports? Yes. Often clients do not have police reports. There is a box when filing a temporary restraining that you may check if you do not have a report. WEAVE offers Temporary Restraining Order workshops every day from 8:45 AM to 12:00 PM at the Family Court house. For more information please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.
24 yr old is forced to live at her parents home with her child & is being physically abused by her parents & has no where to go. You are not alone. You do not deserve to be abuse in any way. WEAVE’s Safehouse may be an option for you. The 24 hour Crisis Line can provide you with emotional support and assist you with referrals for help. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952. WEAVE also provides counseling services and legal services that may assist you during this difficult time.
Is there a service where we can just talk to someone about our situation, thru the phone or in person? Yes. WEAVE has a 24 hour Crisis Line where you can speak to someone about your situation. A Crisis Line Advocate will provide you with emotional support and resources to help you in your situation. The number is 916.920.2952.
Is there a program 4 violent men in Sacramento that you’d recommend? Do you know the book, “Why Does He Do That?” Batterers intervention programs are an important resource in efforts to end domestic violence in our community. There are numerous approved programs. To receive a full list of batterers intervention programs in our area, please call our 24 hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. Several batterers intervention programs which are frequently used include are Changing Courses at 916.332.5056, Evergreen Counseling at 916.487.0657, and VIP Man Alive at 877.366.8935.
I have escaped from a violent husband and now have 4 kids on my own. I really need someone to talk to about this. please help me You may come in for triage between the hours of 10 AM and 1 PM Monday through Friday. Triage allows you to speak with a WEAVE advocate who can assess your level of danger, help you develop a safety plan and provide referrals. You may also call the 24 hour Crisis Line and talk with a trained advocate who will provide you with emotional support, information about WEAVE services and referrals.
Iown a home and have three kids elderly mom and being abuse by myboyfriend. What can i do? It’s important that you and your family are safe. WEAVE offers legal assistance and advocacy to assist you in protecting yourself and your family. Temporary Restraining Order workshops are held Monday through Friday from 8:45 AM to 12 PM at the Family Courthouse. WEAVE also has an educational workshop on Mondays from 5:45 PM to 7:30 PM and Fridays from 11:45 AM to 1:30 PM. These workshops provide information about domestic violence, sexual assault and WEAVE’s crisis intervention and counseling services. For additional support, safety planning and/or more information about WEAVE services call our 24 crisis line at 916.920.2952.
I am in a verbal abusive relation.I want out.I Will need legal help may be housing. Can you help? I cannot live like this anymor You are not alone. You deserve to be treated with respect. WEAVE is here to help. Temporary Restraining Order Workshops are held Monday through Friday from 8:45 AM-12 PM at the Family Courthouse on 3341 Power Inn Road. WEAVE also provides Dissolution Workshops, as well as other legal services that may assist you at this time. Please call the 24-hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 for housing referrals and for more information about WEAVE services.
my BF and i fight every other day but one thing he always says is “if it was leagal i would hit you” should i leave? Using the words “if it was legal I would hit you” is a verbal threat. A verbal threat is a form of abuse. No one should want to hurt you. You deserve a healthy relationship, where you do not feel threatened. For more information and support please call our crisis line at 916.920.2952. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help.
What are the solutions (if any) to domestic violence? Can domestic violence ACTUALLY be stopped/prevented? Solutions to domestic violence require a community wide response, appropriate supports and services for victims, and accountability for the perpetrator. WEAVE believes it is possible to stop and prevent domestic violence through a continuum of crisis intervention, therapeutic, and prevention efforts.
Am doing my senior project on domestic violence. Would like to know if there are any counter arguments to WEAVE’s solutions? WEAVE strives to offer a range of options to survivors and the community rather than a single solution. To ensure we answer your question accurately and provide you with the appropriate resources, we would need more information. We would be happy to arrange for a staff person to speak with you regarding your project and to answer specific questions. You may send more specific questions to info@weaveinc.org.
I think my BF slipped some drugs into my drink i cant prove it but i tested + 4 mAMP but do not use. what can I do? Abuse is about control. It is never okay for someone to control your actions or inhibit your ability to control yourself by forcing you to induce drugs. If want to make report, you may provide this information to Law Enforcement. If you live in the Elk Grove area you may contact a WEAVE Advocate by calling 916.627.3702. For additional resources and information please call our Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I’ve been married for three years now to a verbally abusive husband…I’m still in love with him and feel torn about what to do It’s difficult when the person you love is saying hurtful words to you. Many people are in your situation. WEAVE is here to help. Our educational presentation on Mondays from 5:45 pm to 7:30 pm or Fridays from 11:45 am to 1:30 pm may be beneficial for you. Please call the crisis line at 916.920.2952 to speak with a crisis counselor and find the best option for you.
What about the LGBT community, are they affected by domestic violence also and why is there not alot of info about them? Whether a couple is same-sex or opposite-sex, many dynamics of abuse are the same. An abusive relationship is fueled by the desire of the abuser to have control over his or her partner. At the same time, we recognize there are unique barriers to LGBT survivors . Our mission is to provide counseling, legal help , and additional services to all people affected by domestic violence and sexual assault in a culturally competent and sensitive manner.
I would like to know if domestic violence and domestic abuse mean the same thing or is there a difference between them. Yes, domestic violence and domestic abuse have the same meaning. Domestic Violence is abuse between intimate partners, where one partner is using different types of abuse (i.e., physical, emotional) to gain power and control over his or her partner.
do you provide services outside Sacramento? For example, Placer county Emigrant Gap California? WEAVE provides crisis intervention services to victims of domestic violence and/or sexual assault in Sacramento County only. Peace for Families is a similar organization who serves individuals in Placer county and Emigrant Gap area. You may call their crisis line number at 800.575.5352 to inquire about services and receive referrals.
My daughter and I and her 3 children moved from a violent situation. Our funds are exhausted. We need beds for the kids. You did the right thing by ensuring the safety of you, your children, and grandchildren. There is not enough information in your post to determine what types of supportive housing and rental assistance programs you may qualify for. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 and speak with a counselor. They can talk with you further about your needs and provide referrals to the appropriate community services.
Left abusive ex 2yrs ago, I wont go back so hes severly brainwashing our son & its affecting him deeply-so scared of ex what do Abusive relationships hurt everyone – especially children. You have taken important steps in ending the relationship. It is important to continue to reassure your child that they are loved. You may find talking with a counselor about additional parenting options would be beneficial. You can talk with someone at any time by calling our 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952. The crisis line caller can give you more information about counseling and parenting resources to support you in responding to the confusion your child is sure to experience to support them appropriately.
A friend of mine is a victom of violent crime, her now ex-boyfriend broke her jaw. Is she entitled to any help? Your friend has been through an awful experience and she is fortunate to have your support. Your friend can access counseling services through WEAVE as well as other supportive programs she may need to deal with the assault, including legal assistance if necessary. Depending on the details of her situation and if she reported the assault to law enforcement, she may be eligible for victim’s compensation. WEAVE’s Crisis Response Advocates and Counselors can provide her with more details. A good first step would be for your friend to contact our 24 hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk with someone about the specifics of her situation. From there, she can get information and access other services.
can I obtain some kind of residency after being a victim of domestic abuse? If I get deported can I take my son? There are options for victims of domestic violence who are not permanent residents of the United States. These options depend on the details of your exact situation. If you contact WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952, we can provide referrals for low cost/free legal assistance clinics who have knowledge of immigration law and options for survivors of domestic violence.
have been in 2 abusive marriages..still married but sep. 4 yrs later still cant trust men or my choices You are not alone and the abuse is not your fault. You are making choices to keep yourself safe and the leave the abuse. These are positive steps. You may want to consider talking with a counselor at WEAVE and/or participating in a support group. Through this process, you can learn more about the types of abuse and explore your choices and options. You can contact our 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 at any time to speak with a counselor and get support and learn more about drop in support groups and individual counseling.
Am orig frm Sac. now living overseas. am in a vry abusive marriage. hv 2 bb.no 1 hr will help. please help. dnt knw wht to do. This sounds like a very difficult situation where you have been very isolated. Depending on where you are living, your options will vary dramatically. There are domestic violence programs throughout the world and there may be something in your region/area. If you are a U.S. citizen you may also have resources available to you. You may wish to start by locating resources closer to you so that you can develop a safety plan for your current situation. If you return to Sacramento, please contact WEAVE as we can provide support and assistance with healing from the abuse.
No job. No money. About to lose house. What can weave do? WEAVE provides services for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. WEAVE does offer a program to build employment skills and help with finding a job. WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line can help with referrals to programs which provide shelter, transitional housing, etc. Please contact the 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 to learn more about all of your options.
I am moving to Sacramento to stay with family and get away from abusive husband. Can WEAVE help if I’m not a resident? WEAVE primarily provides services for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault living in Sacramento County. You do not have to prove residency to obtain WEAVE services. To find out about crisis intervention, counseling and legal services which may be helpful, call 916.920.2952. This is WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis and information line and the counselor can talk about what your needs are and help provide services.
My boyfriend has become physically lately. He isn’t working and won’t move. My names on the rental lease. Can you help? If you feel you are in danger from your boyfriend, please call 9-1-1. You may be eligible for a Temporary Restraining Order and WEAVE can you help you apply if you choose this option. To find out more information and when the next Restraining Order Workshop is, call the 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952. The counselor can also tell you about other WEAVE services you may find beneficial.
My husband is abusive. He lost his job and is drinking and hitting me more. I scare for our children. What can I do? We know the loss of a job can be scary but it is not an excuse for someone to hurt you. WEAVE offers a service where you can walk in or call during business hours and speak with a counselor to form a safety plan. You can talk with the counselor about options for keeping you and your children safe such as a confidential shelter, counseling, and legal options. If you choose to stay in the home, we can help you form a plan for your safety there, too. To find out more, call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
i have a broken arm from my fiance i am scared and want to protect myself i need to report it and get help If you are in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1 and report to abuse to the responding officer. You may also contact the law enforcement department for where the abuse occurred and file a report. Your safety is very important. You may contact WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 to speak with a counselor at any time who can help you assess your situation and develop a safety plan. During this call, you can consider numerous options such as staying at the WEAVE Safehouse, obtaining a Temporary Restraining Order, etc. You can use this information to make the decision that is best for your current needs and plan for a safe future. If you feel you are in danger in the future, please call 9-1-1 to keep yourself safe.
Iam in an abusive relationship is it worth it to try and make it work if i have seen progress While every relationship takes work, abusive relationships pose risks to you and children that may be in the home. Understanding signs and types of abusive relationships and understanding the dynamics of abuse will be helpful in helping you make a decision. You can talk with a counselor about your specific situation through our 24 hour crisis line (916.920.2952) or you may come to WEAVE for a personal triage session Mondays through Friday between 10 a.m. and 5 p.m. By talking with a counselor over the phone or in person, you can get more information about your relationship and make the decision that works best for you from there. Please remember that you do not deserve to be abused and any abuse is wrong.
I plan on leaving my Abuser next month, Im taking my kids,,is this okay?? It is good that you are making plans to leave. Maintaining your safety and the safety of your children when leaving an abusive relationship is very important. When leaving with children, there are special considerations regarding how long children can be out of school, custody, etc. Each situation is different. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line or arrange for an in-person or telephone triage appointment so you may talk with a counselor to assess your situation. During this conversation you can further develop your safety plan and identify all options that are available to you. You may call the 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 to speak with a counselor at anytime and to arrange a triage appointment.
Is it normal to feel guilty, to leave your abuser??..I have been with this person for 18 yrs and I plan on leaving with my kids. Often survivors of domestic violence experience many feelings about leaving their partner. Some of the natural feelings could include, fear, loss, guilt, and many others. To access support through the process, the planning before you leave, how to increase your safety if decide to leave, and how to increase your safety once you have left the relationship, please contact our 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920-2952. We also provide free in-person counseling to help you through the process.
my neighbor is being stalked by her ex-husband, he’s even shot bb’s into the house. Police are doing nothing–can weave help? WEAVE’s offers a Temporary Restraining Order Workshop that may help your neighbor. Please call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information about the workshop and about WEAVE’s services.
when a women is in an abusive relationship, does her batter use things like physicaln force to show who’s in control? Abuser uses physical violence for power and control. WEAVE has a Domestic Violence Workshop available if you are seeking more information about the different forms of domestic violence and warning signs. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more support and information.
I left a message with legal services on 11/26. Its been 5 business days and I haven’t recv’d a response. What to do? Due to the Holidays and the economy we have received an abundant amount of calls. We are calling clients in the order they are received. Please be patient. Someone from our legal department will call you back as soon as we can. If your contact information has changed, please leave us another message with your updated information.
I LIVE IN SAC AND WANT TO LEAVE THE AREA WILL WEAVE HELP I HAVE HOUSING JUST NO DEP. OR TRAVEL MONEY. WEAVE offers a Safehouse for survivors in need of emergency housing. The Safehouse provides a safe environment for survivors to gather resources and develop a plan to safely relocate. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to get more information about the Safehouse and other services available in the area.
SINCE THE TRANSFER PROCESS TAKES SO LONG FOR HOUSING DO YOU HAVE OWNERS WILLING TO ALLOW A PERSON TO MOVE IN FIRST FOR SAFETY? Please call our 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your situation in more detail and our Crisis Line Counselors can offer you support and guidance.
I need help…I need this abusing, child porn/drug addict out of my life…he’s not on lease…and pays nothing If you believe you or any children in the home are in immediate danger, please consider making a police report. If the abuser is not on the lease, you may have options to having him removed but he may have some protection as a tenant – even if he is not on the lease. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line at 916.920.2952 and speak with a counselor. They will be able to work with you to identify your options and provide referrals for additional assistance.
I’m very unsure of what to do. My boyfriend of 2 years keeps hurting me. He doesn’t exactly make me bleed, but he’ll push, pinch There are many forms of domestic violence. If your boyfriend is hurting you by pinching and pushing you then that is a form of physical abuse. You do not deserve to be hurt in any way (physical, emotional, sexual, financial, etc.) You may attend WEAVE’s Workshop which is held twice a week to find out more information on the types of domestic violence and the services WEAVE offers. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and support.
I know of a high risk couple. There is a child involved and the issue is escalating. What can I do to help them? WEAVE has a Workshop that you may attend to receive more information about the cycle of violence and the different forms of abuse. You may also contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for information and support. WEAVE’s Crisis Line Counselor is a mandated reporter and they are required to report suspected child abuse.
My best friend’s mom’s husband has repeatedly domestically abused not only my friend but also his mom. He doesn’t leave marks. It is wonderful that you are seeking help for your friend and his mother. They may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and information about our services. If your friend is under 18 years old, the Crisis Line Counselor is mandated to report the abuse regardless if there are any visible marks. If you have any questions or need emotional support, you may contact the Crisis Line as well.
my sister is being threatened with death by her estranged husband, is there a weave in fernley nv? WEAVE is located in Sacramento, CA. You may contact the National Domestic Violence hotline to find resources near you. The number is 1.800.799.7233. You may also call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for additional referrals.
how do I survive with my two kids if I leave WEAVE has a Safehouse if you are in immediate danger and need emergency shelter. WEAVE can also provide you with information and referrals to other shelters and transitional housing in the area. Please contact our Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and information.
I was attacked by my ex, I have no family or a job what do I do? WEAVE has several services available such as a Temporary Restraining Order Workshop, Safehouse, counseling and referrals. You may contact the 24 hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to access these services and speak to a counselor for emotional support.
how can I get help, i have 5 kids and he mentally abuses me everyday and I need to get away! What do I do? If you are in immediate danger please call law enforcement. You may contact WEAVE and get more information about WEAVE’s Safehouse, how to obtain a domestic violence restraining order, and other services to increase you and your children’s safety. Please call 916.920.2952 to talk with a counselor to create a safety plan specifically for you, and how to access WEAVE’s services.
when/where are spanish counseling sessions for women with domestic violence issues? WEAVE has services for Spanish speaking survivors at our counseling center in Sacramento, CA and at our satellite office in Rancho Cordova. The date and times vary, therefore it would be best to contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to confirm.
What are the procedures for putting a restraing order on your husband if he is abuses mental, and trys to beat my kids and me? It is important that you and your children are safe. WEAVE offers a Temporary Restraining Workshop that assists you with filing for a restraining order. For more information on the workshop and the programs WEAVE offers please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
my sons dad used to abuse me,hes holding my son from me and threatened me 10/12/08,what can i do even though we are not together WEAVE’s Legal Department assists with child custody and has a Temporary Restraining Order Workshop that can help you. You may access these services by contacting the 24 hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
What are the causes for domestic violence? Domestic violence typically occurs when one partner wants to gain power and control over his or her partner. To learn more about domestic violence, you may attend WEAVE’s Workshop or call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My dad yells at me and tells me I need to change. I feel like he beats me up emotionally. What can I do to change this? The abuse is not your fault and you are not responsible for his behavior. For that reason, he is the only one that can change. There are options for you. You may contact WEAVE Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and information to help yourself.
My husband is verbally abusive and I need to move our with my 2 kids but don’t have any $. Can you help with housing assistance? WEAVE has a Safehouse if you are in danger and need emergency shelter. WEAVE can also provide you with information and referrals to other shelters and transitional housing in the area. Please contact our Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and information.
My friend is divorced and has 50% custody of kids. Gets threatening vm’s & emails from exhusband. What can I do to help her? WEAVE has a Temporary Restraining Order Workshop and a Legal Department that may help. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to access services and for emotional support. Also, it is recommended to document all the threats and use it when filing for a restraining order.
I think my husband is a narcissist, he has threatened me in the past, I want to leave am I in danger if I tell him? If he has made threats in the past, you might want to develop a safety plan. You may contact WEAVE Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to speak with a counselor for emotional support and information. The Crisis Line Counselor will be able to provide you with information about counseling and WEAVE’s Temporary Restraining Order Workshop.
how do i get an abuser out of my house…he won’t let me leave, use the phone…threatens to kill me…more WEAVE offers a Temporary Restraining Order Workshop that can assist you with the paper work necessary to remove the abuser from your home. If you are in immediate danger please call 911 or local law enforcement. You may contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and support.
was w/ bf mild “abuse” never angry, thought it was funny, is it still abuse? need help If you are unsure about the different forms of domestic violence, you may attend a workshop at WEAVE. The workshop is open to the public and it is for anyone wanting more information about domestic violence and WEAVE’s services. For more information about the workshop, you may contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My ex is threating to come to school w/his cousin & hurt me. Should I stop taking his phone calls? Filed RO already It is good that you have filed a Restraining Order. While it cannot stop him from contacting you it does create consequences for his continued harrassment. His contact with you is a violation of the order and you should document and report each contact to local law enforcement. You can document contact via missed call reports on your cell phone or call i.d. without having to take his calls. WEAVE Legal Services Program may be able to provide you with additional help and our 24 hour Crisis Line is always available to provide support. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952.
Are there any services to help me get back on my feet quick..I left everything when I went to work and did not return You may contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and housing referrals in the area. The Crisis Line will also give you information about WEAVE’s Domestic Violence Workshop. The workshops discuss different forms of domestic violence and answer any questions you might have.
is yelling everyday at you and cuzing you out.yelling at kids abuse? WEAVE recognizes verbal abuse as a form of domestic violence. Nobody has the right to yell or say hurtful things to you. You may call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and to receive information about our services.
ex-wife recently attened your meeting and now is convinced I’m dom violence person which I’m not – Do you screen your attendees? We offer the WEAVE Services Workshop several times each month. The WEAVE Services Workshop is a 90 minute educational presentation addressing the effects of domestic violence and sexual assault as well as the services that WEAVE offers. It is open to potential clients, family of victims, students and concerned community members. Anyone who is interested in learning more about domestic violence and/or sexual assault are welcome to attend and being a current or former victim of abuse is not a requirement to attend.
is there a certain timeframe that a DA’s office takes to determine if they will file charges on Domestic violence? The time frame varies with every case; you may contact the District Attorney’s office and ask about your case. If you need the phone number, you may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. You may also contact the Crisis Line for emotional support as well.
My mother is in a very verbal abusive marriage I do not know if it is physical and I am concerned and do not know what to do. Verbal abuse is a form of domestic violence. You may provide emotional support to your mother by validating her feelings and letting her know that it is not her fault. Also let her know that WEAVE is here to help. She may contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to access our services.
My husband is verbally abusive to me he calles me a whore. What should I do I have kids and I do not want them to blam me. WEAVE recognizes that verbal abuse is a form of domestic violence, and being called hurtful names can be painful. You may contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and information about our services. WEAVE offers domestic violence counseling for you and your children if they are between the ages of 4 and 17.
how can i cope with my dads drinking Unfortunately, WEAVE does not have counseling services for alcoholism. You may contact the 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for emotional support and information. A Crisis Line Counselor will be able to provide referrals to alcohol/drug rehabilitation centers for your dad, and counseling services that are available for you to utilize in the area. The Crisis Line Counselor can also talk to you about how to increase your coping skills and your safety.
How can i get mental health services if i have no insurance and i am a victim of domestic violence? I need help i’m not feeling You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and referrals. The Crisis Line has a list of mental health referrals and more information about the Victim Witness Program.
How do I overcome the uncontrollable reactions (high anxiety, shaking) from verbal/sexual abuse even after divorce? When you are feeling stressed or anxious, you may contact WEAVE’s 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for emotional support. The Crisis Line will also be able to provide information about our counseling services and referrals to outside agencies.
my 18 yr old gf gets beaten very badly on the daily by her boyfriend many witness hes been arrested once for it, what can i do?? WEAVE has several services available for your friend. Encourage her to contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for information about our Temporary Restraining Order Workshop and Safehouse. It is also important to be supportive of your friend no matter what she decides to do.
who can help me move my stuff and my 2 dogs and myself tonight? I have no $ and nowhere to go. Help! If you are in imminent danger, locate a safe place so that you are able to talk to a counselor on WEAVE’s 24-hour Crisis Line. You may call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss different resources available to you, including WEAVE’s domestic violence Safehouse and other local shelters.
does weave have an office in Boston mass WEAVE does not have an office in Boston. You may call the National Domestic Violence Line at 800.799.7233 (SAFE) and they will be able to find a resource center in your area. If you have any questions or need emotional support, please call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952
My boyfriend has physically, verbally, emotionally, psycologically abused me. He also drained my bank account. WEAVE offers both group and individual counseling for survivors of domestic violence. I encourage you to notify law enforcement and file a report for what he did to you. You may contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to access counseling and for the non-emergency police department’s phone number.
I lose my temper and throw things (not towards him) but in a rage. Am I provoking him to put his hands on me? There is no excuse for domestic violence. Nobody has the right to put their hands on you without your consent. However, it is important to know that throwing things at a partner is a form of domestic violence. In a relationship that does not have domestic violence, both partners are able to express themselves without the use of violence (physical, and/or emotional), and conflicts are resolved with an outcome that both partners feel comfortable with. To learn more about domestic violence and resources that are available to both of you, please contact WEAVE’s 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I finally got out and after almost two years Im thinking of going back, been homeless most of that, how can I get my life back ? Leaving and staying away from an abusive partner is difficult for so many reasons. WEAVE offers group and individual counseling that can help you figure out what is best for yourself. I recommend calling the Crisis Line at 913.920.2952 to access these services and for shelter and transitional housing referrals.
What do you recommend the first step in getting out!!!!! Developing a working safety plan before you leave can increase both your safety, and increase your chances to leave successfully. Your safety is very important, please call the 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to develop a safety plan specifically for you. The Crisis Line will be able to provide you with information including WEAVE’s Safehouse, temporary restraining orders, and the Safe at Home program.
I called earlier today. My husband is mentally & emotionally abusive to me. He took my phone & keys away. help. If you are in physical danger, please consider the benefits of calling law enforcement by dialing 911. WEAVE offers many services at no cost that can help increase your safety. Once you are in a safe place to talk to a counselor, please call the 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to connect with the programs we offer.
im 17 i have a baby would i be able to go to a safehouse? im asking cuz of my age.. Unless you are an emancipated minor, you cannot access the Safehouse service. Please contact the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for support and referrals that can help you.
My husband always verbally abuses me it almost seems like he hates me but yet refuses to get divorced. He has also hit me before Verbal abuse is domestic violence and you may call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for support and information about WEAVE’s legal services. WEAVE offers a dissolution workshop that helps with completing divorce/ legal seperation forms.
I do not want to return to my place of residence due to DV. Is there anyway to get out a lease because of DV? If you have not done so to date, talking directly with your landlord about you domestic violence situation might reslove your challenge of your lease. Hopefully, they will be understanding and be able to assist you with your lease. Please call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for information about a Temporary Restraining Order and other legal referrals that may be helpful.
im 17 and im in a verbally abusive relationship she puts her hands on me and i dont know what to do she a she and i cant donutin Verbal abusive is considered as domestic violence and nobody has the right to put their hands on you without your consent. WEAVE offers teen domestic violence counseling. I recommend you call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for support and more information about our services.
guy and i get verbally abused .. physcally abuse.. when i try to hold her hands she she says it hurts what can i do ??? Verbal abuse is a form of domestic violence and by contacting the 24-hour Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 you can gain support and information. In a healthy relationship, both partners respect each other’s boundaries, including both physical and emotional boundaries.
i dont kno how to leave my boyfriend..the worst part is that hes living with me and he threated of taking our baby from me Leaving an abusive boyfriend can be a difficult process, but WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE operates a Safehouse for survivors in imminent danger. In addition to the Safehouse, WEAVE’s Legal Department that can assist you with filing for custody. Please contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more information and to access these services.
My wife and I are very concerned about our daughter who we believe is in a very abusive (verbaly and mentaly) what can we do? Though you can not control the choices your daughter makes, you can gain information to be supportive and also learn to set healthy boundaries with your daughter. It will be up to her to either continue to be in an abusive relationship, or choose a healthy relationship.We currently offer a weekly group called “Supporting Survivors Group” that you and your wife might benefit from attending. You may also call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for additional support and information.
My husband accuses me of the abuse which he is inflicting upon me. He files Restraining Ords. w false info. Please call our 24-hour Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak to a counselor to learn how WEAVE can provide you with domestic violence counseling, information and referrals. Also, WEAVE’s Legal department may be able to assist you with your legal issues.
friend was victim of DV and then one day when she wasn’t home it extended to her son she has since lost custody needs help. WEAVE offers domestic violence counseling and depending on the custody situation, WEAVE has a legal department that may able to help. Have your friend call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 to get more information about our services.
I have a friend who I believe is being abused. What do I do? We have a Support Survivor Group that meets once a week. The group discusses different ways with helping significant others in domestic violence relationships. You may also call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 and speak with a counselor about recognizing warning signs of an abusive relationship. Also, let your friend know that WEAVE is here to help and to call the Crisis Line.
My fiance got really drunk and took my head and slammed it into the night stand.He has never done this before.What should I do? If you have any injuries, you might want to consider seeking medical attention. There are several options available at WEAVE for you. We have domestic violence counseling and a Safehouse if you need a place to stay. If you need more information about our services or want to talk about your situation with a counselor, please call WEAVE Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952.
Can U help someone who left abusive situation with legal advice? WEAVE has legal services for people who has left an abusive relationship. WEAVE’s Legal Department helps with domestic violence restraining orders, child custody and divorce/legal separation. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for information on how to contact the department.
my bf knows I havent left him because I cant make it on my own w.our two kids and i dont have much fam to go/stay with. It is difficult to leave an abusive relationship without having any friends or family who can support you. WEAVE has a shelter avaliable for survivors and their children. Please call the Crisis Line to receive more information about the Safehouse.
i am in a emotionally abusive relationship and need to get out. i acted out and slapped my partner Emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse. It is important to know there are other ways of addressing the problem. Please call the Crisis Line to explore the other options.
husband uses abusive langage toward me and his 14 yr son (my stepson) he somretimes causes him mnor injury we also have boys 6&4 No matter how minor the injuries are, it is still physical abuse. Your husband’s behavior may escalate and it is important that you call the Crisis Line to discuss safety planning. WEAVE offers counseling for you and your children.
I am scared about what my emotionally abusive husband will do to me or the kids when I serve him divorce papers It is scary not knowing how your husband will react when you serve him with divorce papers. There are several ways to keep you and your children safe. Stay in a safe place and have friends and family members check up on you regularly. If you are unable to leave your home, inform your neighbors about your husband and have them call you or the police if they see him. Please call the crisis line at 916 920-2952 to get more information about our Temporary Restraining Order Workshop, Safe At Home Program and about the Safehouse.
was severely abused by ex husband, divorced 7 yrs, he won’t leave me alone, i suffer ptsd and yet he continues to ruin my life We are so sorry to hear that your ex-husband won’t leave you alone. One option might be to get a restraining order and we offer workshops to help you with that process. For more information and to go over some of the other options available to you, including discussing an individual safety plan for yourself, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
What rights do you have with a boyfriend, not husband, who uses threats to steer your decisions? Threats made by your boyfriend to control you are abusive. Similar to being abused by a husband or whoever, you have options, all depending on what path you want to take. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation in more detail and go over the options that are available to you.
Iv been beat up and hide it away for so long that he now abuses me by threats and false reports to keep me from my children! We understand how frustrating that must be for you. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation in more detail and to go over your options.
my mother lives in another state, and is involved in an abusive relationship. What does she need to do to protect herself from h There are several things your mother can do to protect herself, but it all depends on what she wants to do and on her individual situation. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your mother’s situation and one of our Crisis Line Counselors can offer you some guidance and support. We can also give you a referral to a domestic violence agency that is closer to where your mother lives that she might be able to utilize or you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.7233.
husband he cheats calls me names screams at me tells me get out am i abusive to him for not taking 5 yr old daugher and leaving? It sounds like your husband is being abusive to you, which might not be the safest place for you and your daughter. However, we do understand it can be difficult to leave. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to go over you situation in more detail and talk about possible options.
i am being screamed at, called names, husband stays out all night says, other women call him is this abuse It sounds like you are experiencing abuse because any action done for the purpose of gaining power and control over another is considered abuse. During this time, you might want to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about how you’re feeling and find out some of your options while receiving support.
I need to know if i can apply for state disablety, due to domestic violence? and post trummatic stress? It is possible, but please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your situation in more detail and to receive appropriate referrals to help answer your questions.
How can I get counsling thorough you guys? I need help for myself re; always being physically and mentally abused all my life?? It’s great that you are reaching out for help. In order to get into our domestic violence counseling, you would first have to attend an orientation session. We currently hold these twice a week in two different locations. For more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Violent brother-in-law is lying to his court ordered angr mngmt.He threatened me for helping sister w/ ride to work. If you are being threatened, you could contact law enforcement or get a restraining order for yourself if you would like. If your sister is still in an abusive situation, we can help her, depending on what she would like to do. Some of her options might be going to a safe place such as our Safehouse, getting into our counseling services, or coming up with an individual safety plan. You can encourage her to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about her situation and go over her options. You are also more than welcome to call to talk about how this is affecting you and to receive support and guidance from our Crisis Line Counselors.
Um, I am going on 20 years of marriage, but my husband I split up last year. I need to get out of here and relocate. Help. We can try and help you, depending on what you would like to do. We can offer you different housing options in the Sacramento area. If you would like to relocate outside of Sacramento, we can give you referrals to outside agencies in the location you desire to move to, as well as referrals that can possibly help you get there. Feel free to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your options in further detail and find out how WEAVE can help you.
i really need a place to go that is safe for my 6 yr old and myself due to controling and very abusive realationship One option might be our Safehouse which is a safe place for women and their children to go to who are trying to escape a domestic violence relationship. For more information and access into our Safehouse or to go over your other options, you can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
i want to leave my husband but dont have money or place to go.can weave help me pay for divorce,find a job and give me place ? WEAVE can help you fill out the paperwork for divorce in our Dissolution Workshops. Depending on your income level, you might be able to get a fee waiver for the cost of filing the paperwork. WEAVE can also give you referrals for finding a job, as well as a place to stay. We also have a Safehouse which is for women who are in immediate danger and trying to escape an abusive relationship. For more information and to go into more detail about your options, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I left my perp. when my daughter was 3.The phys. abuse ended at birth but threats cont.- will she still be affected? How much? It is very possible that your daughter was/will be affected. It is hard to say how much, but children can easily witness domestic violence, and it doesn’t have to be physical to affect them. If your daughter is currently over 4 1/2 years old, you can sign her up for our counseling services that we offer for children who have witnessed domestic violence. For more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Are you still at 1900 K St? I need to get started on a divorce before husband gets out of prison. Yes, we are still at 1900 K Street. We also offer Dissolution Workshops that can help you with the paperwork for getting a divorce. We currently hold the workshops twice a month. For days and times of the workshop, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 or go to http://www.weaveinc.org/services/legal/workshops
18yr abusive marriage; divorced 7, now he wants pay no ss, i have ptsd. i go to college, and i need a lawyer. dcss already stopp If you need a lawyer, you can call the Attorney Referral Services at 916.444.2333. If you would like other legal referrals or to talk about your situation in more detail, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
if i let my bf move back in after restraining order is issued will that order still be effective if he starts abusing me again You cannot violate your own restraining order. However, when the restraining order is issued, you shouldn’t initiate any contact that the order prohibits. The purpose of a restraining order is to protect you. If you would like to discuss this further, feel free to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
How does the safe house work? The Safehouse is a confidential shelter for women and their children who are trying to escape a domestic violence relationship and need a safe place to go. It is a whole program around domestic violence and once in the Safehouse, clients are required to attend support groups, house meetings and meet up with a caseworker several times a week to develop a plan of action. In order to gain access into the Safehouse, a screening process is required and it is done over our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. Please call for more information.
Separated from emotionally abusive husb, 10yr old & newborn, no friends. how handle lonliness,shame and stress of finances? Transitioning out of a domestic violence relationship can be difficult, but WEAVE can offer you support during this time. For example, we offer counseling services that might be beneficial to you. For more information, or to talk to someone about your situation while receiving support, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My friend was murdered by her ex-boyfriend a month ago. Any resources friends of victims? Struggling to get through days. We are so sorry to hear about your friend. This must be a difficult time for you and our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 is available to you to talk to any one of our certified peer counselors for support. There, you can also go over some of your options and receive some referrals for more long-term assistance.
my daughter was abused by her b.f. and all of her things were left. Is there a way to have a sheriff help her get her things? Your daughter might be able to request a civil standby where the police can go with her to get her things. You can contact your local police department for more information or you can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Am I being abused or is this just life? My husband has been becoming very controlling over the last few years. It sounds like you are being abused because actions that are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over another person is considered abuse. Abuse definitely does not have to exist in a relationship and it doesn’t have to be a part of life. Feel free to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and to talk about your situation.
My friend is being abused by her boyfriend. Her fam and I call police but she won’t admit to abuse, what can I say to help her? It’s great that you want to help your friend. It’s important that you are supportive to your friend’s decision on what she wants to do. You can let her know she has options and there is help available to her. You can also give her the number to our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to go over her options or just to talk. WEAVE also offers a group called Supporting Survivors which is made for friends and family members of people in domestic violence relationships. If you are interested in this group or would like more guidance on how you can help your friend, please call our Crisis Line.
A friend is safe now, but needs counseling from being physically abused. Can you help us find her someone? Maybe a group thing? WEAVE offers both group and individual counseling for survivors of domestic violence. The first step to getting counseling services is to attend an orientation which we currently hold twice a week. For more information on the orientation and our services, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Am I crazy? My husband does not hit me, but he yells, criticizes, condescends, cut off the credit cards… is this abuse? No, you are not crazy. Abuse does not have to be physical. Your husband’s actions are abuse if they are done to have power and control over you. It sounds like you are experiencing emotional and financial abuse. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation and find out what options you might have.
How do you say no and stick with it? Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your situation in more detail and our Crisis Line Counselors can offer you support and guidance.
I am 7 mos preg, husband pushed me this a.m.; almost called police, but hesitated b/c Im scared. I need somthng to scare him! Depending on what exactly you want to do, we might be able to help you. We can help you with getting a restraining order, divorce, or a safe place to go to, among other things. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to go over your options and to find out how WEAVE can help.
Our Neighbor beat his wife and we called police to her aid, the police arrested her and she was not at fault What can be done? It’s great to hear you are trying to help out your neighbor. Unfortunately, there’s not much that can be done to reverse the actions of law enforcement. However, we can offer your neighbor support and let her what she can do to stay safe in the future. Feel free to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for further guidance.
i am 6 mo preg. bf has rages that have escalated in violence (ie kicked in a door twice). will this lead to physcial abuse? It is possible that it can lead to more physical abuse. It sounds like he already is starting to become physical. It is important that you listen to your instinct, especially in regard to how safe you feel around your boyfriend. You might want to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 and talk about your situation. Our certified peer counselors can go over your options and help you come up with a safety plan.
I was physically abused by my husband, he broke my nose and hand, split my forehead open causing me to get 7 stitches. I wantout We are so sorry you are experiencing this abuse. WEAVE can help you get out in several different ways. If you need a safe place to go, our confidential Safehouse might be an option. If you need help getting a divorce or a restraining order, our legal department can help. And while you’re going through this transition, our counseling services might be beneficial to you. For more information or someone to talk to, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
im the woman with the two girls in sac and your info didnt help me at all i cant go to a shelter i have a job and kids in school You can still go to our Safehouse even while having a job and your kids being in school. But, if this is still not an option for you, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to discuss your individual situation and to go over your other options.
once a guy soon 19 has power control over my daughter who soon turns 19 yrs old. will he improve once they into relationship? Abusers will not change unless they take ownership of their abusive actions and feel like they need to change. There is help available to them, but they are going to have to want the help before anything improves. WEAVE can offer both you and your daughter resources and support during this time. If you would like, you or your daughter can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information on how WEAVE can help you.
How can I get myself and children out of a bad relationship? We’re in Sacramento, CA. I have no money and don’t know where to go WEAVE has a Safehouse which is a shelter for women and children who are trying to escape a domestic violence relationship and this might be an option for you. For more information on our Safehouse or to go over your other options, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I am a man who is being “held” in a violent relationship. How can I get help? WEAVE has services for men who are victims of domestic violence relationships. For more information on our services and to go over your individual options, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
How do I help a friend who is being verbally abused? Progressivly worsening situation bordering physical violence. Being supportive of what your friend wants to do is important. Please let your friend know that there are options and help is available. You can encourage your friend to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line which is 916.920.2952. We also offer a Supporting Survivors group which is made for friends and family members of domestic violence victims and survivors. For more information on this group, or for further guidance, feel free to call our Crisis Line.
In an abusive relationship w/ro filed.Abuser will not leave my house & Police won’t help. I fear my life.What do I go from here? One option might be our Safehouse, which is a confidential shelter for women and children who are trying to escape a domestic violence relationship. For more information and access to our Safehouse, or to discuss your other options, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My bf has anger issues. I told him to get help or i am leaving. Does weave help men too. WEAVE offers services for both male and female victims and survivors of domestic violence. Our program doesn’t include anger management classes or batterer treatment classes, but we can give you referrals. You or your boyfriend can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for these referrals.
if my friend and her husband are going through a divorce and in july of 2007 she threw wine at him and they got into words and Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to go into more detail about your friend’s situation and our Crisis Line Counselors can direct you appropriately.
HOW CAN I GET HIM TO LEAVE? I HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP OF FRIENDS HERE FOR ME AND MY SON AND DON’T WANT TO UPSET THAT.POLICE NO HELP One option might be to get a restraining order against him and WEAVE offers workshops that can help you do that. For more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. You can also discuss your individual situation and go over some other options with a peer certified Crisis Line Counselor.
My X used to beat me&made me prostitute, Im not with him anymore but I am having trouble moving forward. What do I do??? WEAVE offers counseling services for domestic violence survivors which might be a good option for you. The first step to getting into counseling is to go to an orientation which we currently hold twice a week. For more information on the orientation, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. You can also talk about what you’re experiencing and discuss some other options that might be available to you.
Statue of Limitations on Physical Domesic Violence? 8 yrs Husband was very physical @ beginging, now very emotionaly abusive. You can report domestic violence to the police at any time. However, whether or not the police prosecutes could depend on the amount of evidence they have and as time passes, the evidence could slowly diminish, making prosecution harder. For more legal information and referrals, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There, you can also go over what options might be available to you.
How and what is the best way to encourage my daughter, who is in an abusive marriage, to contact WEAVE? A great start would be to have her call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. You could let her know that she does not have to commit herself to doing anything, but she can utilize the Crisis Line as a way to simply talk to a certified peer counselor. Everything she would say would be confidential and she should expect nothing but support from someone who won’t judge any of her feelings and what she might want to do. Our Crisis Line Counselors are there to let her know her options while offering a safe environment to talk about what she is experiencing. You are also more than welcome to call for more guidance.
Which do you find to be more damaging? Physical or Emotional Abuse? Both types of abuse, as well as any other type of abuse, can be equally damaging to the person who is abused, depending on their individual experiences. And no matter what the abuse is, the fact that it is abuse makes it not right. If you would like to explore this question further, feel free to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Is it still the same thing if he don’t hit? just goes psycho, bizzark, when talking of leaving? Calls me at work over and yells? What you’re explaining is emotional abuse and it is as valid as physical abuse. The crisis line is available to you for support 24 hours a day at 916.920.2952.
What is the statue of limitations on reporting a rape in California?? Rape can be reported to the police at any time. However, it might not lead to prosecution if a lot of time has passed and an evidentiary exam at the hospital wasn’t performed after the rape had occurred. Still, reporting to the police can be helpful. For example, it might be a part of the survivor’s healing process or the report can help cases of other survivors who were raped by the same person. For more legal information and referrals, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
i need shelter as i am escaping form an abusive relationship in san mateo county. i have secured employment to begin 3/3/08 . If you are seeking shelter in Sacramento, you can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 and ask how you might be able to access our Safehouse or get several referrals for other shelters in the area, as well as outside of the area.
35 year old mom with a part time job and a psycho boyfriend 2 kids no car HELP!!!! You are not alone. There are other individuals who have conquered similar obstacles and have come away from Domestic Violence as survivors. WEAVE can help. Call the Crisis Line to brainstorm your options at 916.920.2952.
How to I help someone break the cycle , that everyone can see but Her ? You can help her by supporting her. Listen to her stories and be open to her choices. Allow her to make her own decisions, no matter how long it takes.It is important that the survivor is empowered by her friends and family to make her own choices and still have support. If you need support or if you would like to pass on our number; the crisis line is here 24 hours a day at 916.920.2952.
Where can I find information about statistics on women and violence in Sacramento? Unfortunately, this information seems to be pretty limited. But, there is a section on our website at www.weaveinc.org which has links to statistical information. You can find this if you go to the “Take Action” section and click on “Additional Resources.” Also, you might want to try contacting the Sacramento County Sheriff Department and they might have statistics specific to the Sacramento area. Their non-emergency number is 916.874.5115.
I am a former client of WEAVE 2007 and am still with my abusive husband, what can I do Depending on what you would like to do, WEAVE can help you with several things. WEAVE offers a 24-Hour Crisis Line that you can utilize to talk to a certified peer counselor to find out what your options are. You can also talk about what you’ve been through and where you might want to end up and how WEAVE can help you get there. You can contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I have a 16 month old son and in a violent relationship. I want to leave and have no job, no place nothing how can weave help me WEAVE has a Safehouse which is a shelter for women and children who are trying to escape a domestic violence relationship and this might be an option for you. For more information on our Safehouse or to find out what other options might be available to you, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
How do i go about getting counseling through weave for an abusive relationship i got out of The first step to getting into counseling is to go to an orientation session which we hold twice a week. For the days and times of these orientations and for more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My daugther’s ex-boyfriend hits her yells at her and she will not leave him how can I help what can I do You already are being helpful by seeking out resources for her. It is important to be supportive of what she wants to do, but you can let her know that there is help that is available to her and she does have options. You can try to encourage her to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to go over her options or simply just to talk. You are also welcome to call for further guidance and support.
how can i find a resource like WEAVE in the san diego area? There are a few resources in the San Diego Area specializing in Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault services: The Center for Community Solutions hotline is 888.272.1767 San Diego Rescue Mission Women and Children Center 619.687.3720 YWCA of San Diego County Domestic Violence Services 619.234.3164 National Domestic Violence Network 800.799.7233.
I have 5 or 6 friends that are ready to start weave Thank you for being a supportive friend. If you pass on the crisis line number we would talk to any of your friends who are interested in WEAVE’s programs. The 24-Hour Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952.
Do you offer any support groups? I have been seeing a Therapist through Kaiser and she recommend that I give you a call or emai WEAVE has group counseling for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Please call the crisis line for specific information on how to get started at 916.920.2952.
Why would my husband of almost 31 yrs within the last 1 1/2-2 yrs seem to be “gaslighting” me when I have done nothing to him? Various things might contribute to why someone becomes abusive, but they are not necessarily causes. And you are right that you have done nothing to make him abusive as it is definitely not your fault. But abuse is abuse, no matter when it began and WEAVE is here to offer you support and help. For more information on what WEAVE can do to help you, or if you would just like to talk to someone, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My boyfriend treats me very bad, but yet I keep staying with him every time he says he’s sorry.What can I do to get out of here We understand that there is often a cycle in abusive relationships and because of the constant up and downs it is especially hard to leave. Please call the crisis line to learn more about the Cycle of Violence and to explore your options, 916.920.2952.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND LEGAL ASSISTANCE FOR A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? WEAVE has a legal department (free to Domestic Violence survivors) and we will work with you to get through the legal process. To hear more about how the legal department can assist you specifically with issues of Domestic Violence please call the crisis line at 916.920.2952. There are also other legal resources in the community that we can refer you to.
My boyfriend accusses me of cheating constantly. Could this mean that maybe he’s cheating and trying to cover up? When someone you are committed to repeatedly accuses you of cheating, especially if it is accompanied by other controlling behavior it can be considered emotional abuse and you don’t have to take it. Please take the time to consider if the actions your significant other makes results in controlling, defeating or hurting you. Please call the Crisis Line to discuss this further, 916.920.2952.
Can actions be considered abuse if the offender did not intend to gain control or power? There are five types of abuse; physical, emotional, spiritual, financial and sexual. If you are unsure of what you are experiencing is abuse please call the crisis line. When you are being abused in any way, no matter the result of the abuse, there are resources for you. Call the 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I think my friend may be in a physically abusive relationship and won’t get out. She won’t accept any advice from friends. Thank you for your concern. You are a good friend. It can be hard to see a loved one continue to be victimized. While you may want to her to leave, the decision is hers. There are many reasons for staying in the relationship. Common reasons we hear include religious/spiritual (not believing in separating her family), guilt, love for the abuser, financial, hope that the abuse will stop and especially shame. Your friend may not be recognizing the Cycle of Violence and the patterns you see. This can be reinforced by the pattern where every attack is followed by the false “honeymoon” where the abuser is very kind and loving. Unfortunately, this phase will be followed by another assault. I know that you might want to throw your hands up, but please don’t lose hope. The connection that a victim of domestic violence has with family and friends might be the only way out. A perpetrator has most control when the victim is isolated and has no other option for survival. Please continue to have that connection with your friend. When you get frustrated, you can call WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line for support and encouragement – (916) 920-2952. The crisis line is not only for victims, it is there to support family and friends – like you.
Escaped child abuse from mom. Dad wants to enroll me in Safe At Home Program to change my name quietly. How do we enroll? To get more information about the Safe at Home Program please call the 24 hour crisis line, at (916) 920-2952.
How do you deal with being victimized by the court after leaving the relationship? Please call the Crisis Line to discuss the way the court has victimized you. We would be interested in hearing the circumstances and we offer you sympathy and support. I am sorry that you were additionally effected by the abuse that you suffered by individuals who are unsympathetic or uneducated about the repercussions of Domestic Violence.
a BF who is hyer Jealous..So much so he won’t take her anywere out of fear another man will look at her ..Any classes for her? An extremely “hyper” jealous boyfriend who restricts the actions of his girlfriend is not showing affection in a positive way but actually exhibiting signs of power and control. Making decisions for a person is Emotional Abuse. If you have been abused, (in any of the 5 types of abuse) including Emotional Abuse you can get help at WEAVE. Please call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952.
My cousin wants to leave but she says she doesnt know how. Shes scared please help us! It is often very difficult to leave an abusive relationship for a variety of different reasons. If she is ready to leave, WEAVE can help her through the transition. WEAVE offers a Safehouse for women and their children who are escaping an abusive relationship which might be an option for her. You are more than welcome to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to go over her options and she’s encouraged to call, as well.
How do you help a co-worker who has shown you scratches and bruises from a recent fight with her fiance? First of all, you are already being a help to her by showing your concern and seeking resources. Being supportive can be very helpful to people who are in domestic violence relationships. You can let her know that there is help available to her, depending on what she needs. You can encourage her to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk to someone and to explore her options. You can also call the crisis line for support and more guidance while you’re helping your co-worker through this.
am 45.been in abusive relat 4 last 10 yrs since marriage ended! am at end of my rope!need help! My kids r grown where can i go You should be proud of yourself because you made the first step by contacting WEAVE. We offer several services that might be beneficial to you including a Safehouse if you are ready to leave, counseling services to help you through the transition, and a legal department to help you get a restraining order. These are only a few things that WEAVE can help you with, and to access these services or to further explore your options, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
17yo bro lives w/our abusive dad bc his house is closer to his friends than our mums Idnt wnt to b th barrier nemor what do I do If your brother is being abused by your father, Child Protective Services should be called at 916.875.5437 for your brother’s safety. If you would like to talk to someone about how you feel about being in your situation and for support, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There, our certified counselors can also help you come up with a plan of action and go over your options.
Do you have a list of AMAC group or groups like it that are no/lowcost for adults that were molested or sexually assaulted as ki Yes, we can give you several referrals for AMAC counseling. You can access these referrals by calling our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Recently left my emotionally abusive husband. Abuse is escalating. I’m afraid to do a restraining order, it won’t stop him. Another option besides getting a restraining order might be moving away, and we have several housing referrals available. Our 24-Hour Crisis Line can help you with this, and also help you come up with a safety plan, depending on what your situation is. If you would like to talk about your situation and explore what other options might be available to your individual case, please call our Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My wife screams, throws things and always needs to know where I am. I’m bigger. Am I abused? Can I get counseling. I’m a man. If your wife’s actions are done for the purpose of gaining power or control over you, then your wife is being abusive. Both men and women can be the victim of abuse and it is not right, either way. WEAVE offers services for victims of domestic violence, whether the victim is male or female. So, counseling is available to you. For more information on how to access counseling services, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I just discovered my coworker’s husband hit her in the face. What can I do? It is great that you are concerned about your coworker. If your coworker would like to talk to you about it, it’s important that you are supportive of what she would like to do. You can share with her that there are resources available to her, depending on what path she would like to take. You can encourage her to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to find out about her options and to talk about her situation. If you would like to talk to someone for more guidance please call the Crisis Line.
15 yr old friend was sexually assulted.She’s in prelim now but her life has sprialed downhill since the assault.Can anyone help? Thank you for being such a great friend and sharing your concern for her by reaching out for help. This is the time that she needs support from loved ones the most. So to answer your question, yes, there are people who can help and it sounds like you have already helped and are committed to helping her. WEAVE is also here to help her. We have a 24-Hour Crisis Line where she can receive emotional support and learn more about the services WEAVE offers. WEAVE has both individual and group counseling for teens. To learn more call the crisis line at 916.920.2952.
How can I become involved in the WEAVE program if I am from a different state? Thank you for your interest in our organization. WEAVE is a Sacramento area non-profit. If you are out of state you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find the domestic violence agency in your area, 1.800.799.7233.
I need to leave my abusive situation but have a young child and nowhere to go. What can I do? WEAVE operates a Safehouse which is a shelter for women and their children who are escaping a domestic violence relationship. The shelter is at a confidential location and it is a whole program revolving around domestic violence. We also have several housing referrals that might be an option for you. If you are interested in our Safehouse or would like more information, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
32 yr old niece in 8yr violent relship;not protecting 6yr old child; not responding to reason;auth w/not intervene It is difficult to leave an abusive relationship for a variety of different reasons and something that can be very helpful to your niece is support. You can encourage her to give our 24-Hour Crisis Line a call, even if for nothing else but to talk. We can also help her come up with a safety plan, depending on her individual situation. If you feel the child is in danger, Child Protective Services should be called. WEAVE offers many different services that might be of help to her, and if you would like more information about her resources, you can call our Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
What should a parent do if their teen is beating them up? No one should have to face abuse from anyone, including a parent from a child. There are several options that are available to parents who are abused. Parents may want to consider seeking a therapist for the parent and/or the teen. Legal action also might be an option. And, coming up with a safety plan can be important. There are also parent support hotlines that can help you come up with a plan of action. For referrals and exploring more of the options that are available, you can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I need help. How do i protect my child support documents from my ex husband whose restrainting order has expired? If your restraining order has expired, you might be able to file for a new one and WEAVE’s Legal Department offers a restraining order workshop that can help you with that, as well as offer you some legal advice. We also have several legal referrals that might be able to help you. All of our legal referrals, including how to contact our legal department, are available at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I think I’m in a emotionally abusive relationsip. How do I know I’m just being to sensitive, or playing the victim role? Emotional abuse is one type of abuse that WEAVE recognizes as domestic violence. Sometimes it is hard to recognize if we are in an abusive relationship if there are no physical marks or bruises, but emotional abuse can be just as damaging. If words are said with the intent of gaining power and control over the other person, it is abuse. WEAVE offers services that can help you with your situation. If you would like support and someone to talk to you about your relationship, and also for more information about our services, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My Wife has been abused most of her life by her father, mother, and children’s biological father and needs help mentally We are so sorry to hear that your wife had to face abuse from a lot of people in her life. WEAVE offers counseling for domestic violence survivors, which it sounds like she is if she was in an abusive relationship with her children’s father. Being abused by her mother and father is considered “family violence” and even though our program doesn’t include that, we can give you referrals for other counseling agencies and therapists that might be of further help. To find out what options are available to her, you can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 and she is more than welcome and also encouraged to call, as well.
Does WEAVE offer any counseling/programs towards people who may be the batterer? WEAVE offers services that focus on the victim or survivor of domestic violence, so we do not have perpetrator or batterer programs. However, we can give you several referrals for counseling and batterer programs throughout the Sacramento area. For more information on these programs, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Medi-Cal suddenly changed my husband’s medication that was keeping him calm. He is getting angry and violent. Your husband’s violent behavior is wrong and there is no excuse for it. Your safety is what is important, and WEAVE offers services that can assist you, depending on what your needs are. To find out about your options and to create a safety plan, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Recently left my emotionally abusive husband. Abuse is escalating. How do I get him to leave me alone?He calls me 50 times p/day You may want to look into getting a restraining order to help with the constant phone calls. For support and to find out more about how to get a restraining order call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I have a job and kids and need a place from situation is there private housing that is inexpensive that we could stay in? WEAVE does offer a Safehouse for clients leaving or transitioning out of domestic violence relationships. Many of the women have children and are employed as well. To find out more about the Safehouse or other housing referrals please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband has emotionally abused me for 15 years. I finally got out. Why do I keep going back and thinking he will really chang It is very common for someone in your situation to want to think the person will change and return to the relationship. On average a person in a domestic violence relationship will leave and return to the relationship 7-9 times. This happens very often due to the Cycle of Violence that takes place in a domestic violence relationship. There is a honeymoon phase when everything is good and non-violent and then it moves to a tension building phase where stress builds up, since most abusers do not deal with stress in a non-abusive way that stress leads to the explosion phase which is when the violence actually takes place. Since it is a cycle it will go back into honeymoon phase where many times the abuser will promise change and never do it again, but often this is not the case and the tension building phase will start again. Many times people go back looking for the person that their partner is during the honeymoon phase. One of WEAVE’s many services is counseling to help you move past the trauma you have experienced. To find out more about our services or general support please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Sis and her step son, whom she raised since he was ababy. Hsbnd is abusive, she does not have legal custody, what can she do? Your sister can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line and ask to get the contact information for our Legal Department. Here she can get legal advice and resources to help with child custody. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Where can I get information to help my wife? She was molested as a child and I just found out. Though WEAVE does not provide services for adults molested as children, our trained Crisis Line staff would be able to give you several referrals in your area. Please contact WEAVE’s 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
I was raped 4 years ago by my exs friends, since then my whole life has gone downhill, i have no idea how to deal with it. The process for healing from trauma is different for each individual, and the way the mind and body responds to the past trauma is just as varied. It is very common to struggle after such an event. One way to heal from a traumatic experience is by talking to a trained counselor. WEAVE provides both individual and group counseling that may help you with the healing process. By contacting the 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 you can continue the healing process and learn more about the many services we offer.
My father-In-Law threatened me over a phone message and I’m not quite sure how to handle it. Any type of threatening behavior, whether it be over the phone or in-person is not appropriate behavior. What you are describing is what we would call “family violence” not necessarily domestic violence. If you feel comfortable talking with your spouse about the situation and how uncomfortable it made you feel, you should do so. However, if you feel that you need to get a restraining order to protect yourself , that is also an option. For further support and referrals call the 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
can my sister get her kids back after staying with her husband after she pressed assult charges on him. Children are unfortunately many times the victims of domestic violence relationships as well as the person being abused. If your sister’s children have already been taken away she will need to begin working with her CPS worker to meet the conditions to start the process of regaining custody of her children. CPS deals with each case on an individual basis so WEAVE cannot tell you if she will or will not be able to get her kids back. WEAVE does offer a program for moms who are mandated to attend domestic violence classes through CPS, your sister might want to check into this. Please know that you or your sister can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support.
My son is abusing his girlfriend, he has cut everyone off from her and the kids, including me, and I don’t know what to do. Unfortunately, isolation is a huge factor in domestic violence relationships for both the abuser, the victim and the children involved. The best way to support your son and his girlfriend is to let them know that you support and care about them and their children. However, unless your son is willing to recognize that his behavior is abusive and detrimental to all involved, the chances of getting through to him are slim. Many times domestic violence abusers do not take accountability for their actions and blame others for problems. Often, this is when the isolation and pulling away from family and friends begins. Safety is the main concern for your sons girlfriend and their children. In order to receive further support and referrals for you, your son and his girlfriend please call our 24-Hour, confidential crisis line at 916.920.2952.
My daughter was beaten last night and her boyfriend is in jail. She won’t tell me where she is? How can I help her? We are terribly sorry to hear about your daughters situation. Most survivors feel an immense amount of fear, shame, and guilt that prevents them from reaching out for help during a time like this. The best way to support your daughter is to let her know that you support and care about her. However, she must make the decision that is best for her. WEAVE has a Safehouse that your daughter could access if she needs safe shelter. In order to receive further support and referrals for you and your daughter please call our 24-Hour, confidential crisis line at 916.920.2952.
Should I accept my husbands mental and verbal abuse, since he is a great father to our kids All types of abuse, including mental and verbal abuse, are inappropriate and wrong. And even though he might seem like a great father to your kids, children can easily witness abuse and it can affect them. WEAVE offers counseling services for children, as well as for the victim. For more information or for someone to talk to, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
Can I force my physically abusive bf to move out of my apartment immediately without any notice? I’m the only one on the lease. We would suggest that if possible you have a support group of a family member or two with you when you tell your abusive partner to leave. Please do not leave yourself vulnerable to any dangerous situations. Also look into having a restraining order drawn up at one of our TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) Workshops. Call our 24-Hour Crisis Line for information regarding restraining orders, extra advice and support at 916.920.2952.
A friend of mine had her 3 daughters taken away due to domestic violence she recieved from her boyfriend and he threatning her. Children are unfortunately, often the victims of domestic violence relationships as well as the person being abused. Since your friends children have already been taken away she will need to begin working with her CPS worker to meet the conditions to start the process of regaining custody of her children. WEAVE does offer a program for moms who are mandated to attend domestic violence classes through CPS, your friend might want to check into this. Please know that you or your friend can call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support.
My partner often slaps me on the forehead when he doesn’t like what I say, then kisses me like it was a joke. Is this a sign? A very important first step is to identify the actions of your partner that concern you. The next step is to label the actions to better understand them, and to better understand your relationship. Based on the information provided in your question one could identify your husband’s actions as physical abuse. Often abusers do not take responsibility for their abuse. By saying the slap is a “joke” does not make the slap on the forehead any less abusive. In a non-domestic violence relationship, a partner would not hit or slap the other person when they disagree. A healthy relationship would include clear, non-abusive communication. The next step to consider is if you want to learn more about domestic violence, and the different forms of abuse and how these effect the survivor. To learn more please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My ex b/f hurt in a some sexual ways and always hit me i keep having dreams of it and feel like i am reliving it what can i do? The process for healing from trauma is different for each individual, and the way the mind and body responds to the past trauma is just as varied. One way to heal from a traumatic experience is by talking to a trained counselor. WEAVE provides both individual and group counseling that may help you with the healing process. By contacting WEAVE’s 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 you can continue the healing process and learn more about the many services we offer.
how do i get help with getting my husband out Depending on the situation, one tool that might assist you is a domestic violence restraining order. Not only can the restraining order remove the perpetrator from the home, but also requires that they also not contact the victim after they are ordered to leave. To find out more about the many benefits of a domestic violence restraining order, and how to obtain one, please contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
If I report my husband for domestic abuse, but I am not a legal U.S. citizen,will immigration be called? When a client receives services at WEAVE, we never ask citizenship questions. WEAVE’s focus is to help all survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Immigrants to the United States who are a survivor of domestic violence have specific federal laws that apply. The laws allow battered immigrant women to obtain lawful permanent residence without leaving the country, and provides other beneficial provisions through the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)). Though WEAVE is not a expert with immigration issues, we can refer you to a local agency that may be able to answer questions regarding immigration. Contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line to receive the referrals at 916.920.2952.
My husband has sexually assaulted me on several occassions. I am so confused. What do I do? You have many choices that you can explore on the Crisis Line. From reporting the abuse to law enforcement, receiving in-person counseling at WEAVE, or talking anonymously to a counselor on the Crisis Line. After talking with a Crisis Line counselor you may choose any and all of the choices to assist you with the healing process and increase your safety. To learn about your choices, please speak to a trained counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
When can you make progress enough so my effects from the abuse stops coming back and effecting my family or loved ones over agai Being abused affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people do feel better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the abuse long after it happened. For many it is a life-long process of healing. Getting counseling can provide you with a safe person to talk to and skills to cope with your feelings and reactions. To find out more about the services we offer contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband is passive aggressive and psychologically abusive. Is there a program to help pschologically abused women? One of the five types of domestic violence that WEAVE offers counseling for is verbal/emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as the other forms of abuse, such as physical abuse. Though the damage subjected to the survivors of emotional abuse is not visible as it might be from physical abuse (i.e., bruising, a broken arm, etc.), the pain and healing process are similar. Our clients receive support and guidance that are healing from one type of abuse, or all five types of abuse. To learn more about different forms of abuse, contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
my ex-boyfriend is “arestable” but I can’t get the police to come out when i call with his location? what can i do? Though it is understandable, the one thing not to do is get frustrated and give up calling law enforcement. Continue to call law enforcement and document your attempts. You may benefit from talking to law enforcement to see if they have any suggestions. You may also want to brainstorm other ideas with a counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
how can i get the police to enforce the restraining order when my ex-boyfriend continues to email me? Do not become so frustrated that you give up calling law enforcement. Continue to call law enforcement and document your attempts. You may benefit from talking to law enforcement to see if they have any suggestions. A counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line, 916.920.2952, may also offer other ideas to you.
Is there any way to speed up the process of getting an abusive, stalking ex-boyfriend arrested? Local law enforcement often does a great job helping survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Allowing the process to work takes both time and patience. If you feel law enforcement is not responding appropriately to the circumstances, one option that you have is to talk to those higher in the chain of command. If you are able to express specific concerns with details, the information could both help you with your situation, and other survivors that may experience a similar situation in the future. It is important to remain safe while waiting for your ex-boyfriend to be arrested. To talk to a counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line to explore other options call 916.920.2952.
My bf lives with me. He has been abusive physically and mentally to my girls and I. He threatens us if I am to put him out. Though your boyfriend has threatened you if you “put him out”, you have several choices to increase both your and your girls safety. One option is to remove him from your residence by obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. The court can order him to leave and stay away and law enforcement will enforce the order. If he chose to violate the restraining order, he could be arrested and incarcerated for doing so. Another choice is for you to leave the home, and stay at our Safehouse with your girls. Please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line to talk to a counselor about these two options, and others that you have available.
My husband is verbally/mentally/sexually abusive. I’m in counseling he is not until next week. What are my options? WEAVE offers many services that can assist you, including in-person counseling, legal assistance, and a Safehouse where you could stay up to 45 days. To explore which of the many services best meet your current needs, please talk with one of our counselors at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband is verbally/mentally abusive. I do not want to have sex but he yells at me and throws things. What do you suggest? You have already taken a very important first step, identifying your husband’s actions as abuse. The next step would be to consider if you want to make changes to have a relationship without abuse. Both you and your husband can choose to make changes if you are both willing. We strongly suggest that couples that have domestic violence issues not attend couples counseling for safety reasons. To learn more about the many services WEAVE can offer you, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There are services available to help your husband learn to not be abusive that we can refer him to. While your husband receives assistance, you could receive support from WEAVE’s counseling.
At a time of a light-hearted card game, my son-in-law became angry, twisted my arm, causing pain and bruising? What to do? What you are describing is considered “family violence”. Physical abuse from someone who you are related to, but you are not in a relationship with. Though we do not provide services to survivors of family violence, WEAVE could still assist you in exploring your options. You have several options to increase your safety. The outcome will be based on the history of violence from your son-in-law, and your comfort level with utilizing resources available to you. The range of choices could include everything from addressing the altercation with your son-in-law directly, to trying to obtain a restraining order. The path you choose will hopefully increase your safety and also reinforce what he did was not appropriate. To better explore your options, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk to a counselor.
Why did this happen to me ? It is common for survivors of domestic violence to blame themselves for the abuse (physical, emotional, etc.). Often survivors feel that they should have know their partner was going to be abusive, or that that they “allowed” the abuse to go on to long. Instead of blaming oneself for the abuse, the best actions to take are two fold: one, hold the perpetrator accountable for his or her actions. It is only the perpetrator of the violence that knows why they were abusive, and there is no excuse for their actions, secondly, by exploring more with a trained counselor about the abusive relationship, survivors can move forward. If a survivor chooses to be in another relationship in the future, to decrease the chances of another abusive relationship, it is best to better understand the past relationship. WEAVE can be a part of this learning process that takes time and support. To receive information about the counseling WEAVE offers contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.
My husband abused my son 15 years ago. I can’t get past it & my kids can’t forget. He feels we should. What should I do? Others may expect that you should be ready to move on with your life as soon as they are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand the effects of abuse know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being exposed to abuse affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. It is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the abuse long after it happened. Getting counseling can provide you and your son a safe person to talk to and skills to cope with your feelings and reactions. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or your son to react or feel a certain way. There is no time period or deadline when you should “get over it”, no matter what your husband may tell you. The healing process is a complicated and an individual process. Though WEAVE may not provide in-person services that you and your son may benefit from, you both could contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line to talk with a counselor to learn about the services we offer and to receive referrals to other agencies that your family could benefit from. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952.
I get mad easily so does he. He talks about other girls, makes me cry and I start hitting him first but then he strangles me. Relationships that contain multiple forms of abuse can feel confusing. Many abusers blame the victim for their behavior and call them abusive. You can look at who is initiating the abuse and if it is to gain power and control over the other person. Reactive anger is often associated with being abused. You may be assisted in understanding the dynamics of your relationship better by talking to a Crisis Line counselor at 916.920.2952.
BF abusing son. Want to get out. Don’t know how. Scared. no money. Many survivors of domestic violence have limited resources and are afraid but want to leave the abusive relationship. Fortunately, WEAVE can help. Our programs include: a Safehouse, legal services, and in-person counseling. Take the next step and increase your family’s safety by talking to a counselor at our 24-hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. The counselor will listen to you specific needs and give you support and practical information about our services. The counselor will be there to support you and help you find options. WEAVE has provided guidance and support to others so they could transition into a life without abuse. Our hope is the same for you.
How often is domestic violence perpetrated by males as opposed to females and is there a rise among female perpetraters? WEAVE’s counselors confirm our clients reflect national trends. Within heterosexual relationships, 90-95% of the perpetrators of domestic violence are male. We are not aware of any published study indicating an increase in the number of female perpetrators. At WEAVE we hope that every survivor of abuse will seek help and that each perpetrator is held accountable – regardless of gender. Some of the reasons for the high percentage may be based on the physical differences of the genders, greater financial earning potential of men compared to women, and the way men are socialized. The actual number of male survivors may be higher because there are factors that may stop a man from seeking help. These factors include fear of reporting to law enforcement and not knowing if services at their local domestic violence center are available to men.
Do you guys help with immigration assistances in a domestic violence case? WEAVE offers free services relating to sexual assault and domestic violence issues. For assistance with immigration issues, please contact the 24-hour Crisis Line to talk to a counselor, and they will give you referrals. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952.

Sometimes when my boyfriend gets angry he slaps me(not to hurt), and pulls my hair, is this abuse?

WEAVE identifies five types of domestic violence. All types of abuse are done for the purpose of gaining power and control over the victim. The types of abuse are different but are often inflicted upon a victim in various combinations. One type is physical abuse, it is the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured. Even if a slap or pulling of hair doesn’t hurt, it is not the level of pain inflicted that defines if the action is abuse. It is the reason and intent of the person doing the action, and damage done to the recipient of the action, that helps to define if the action is abuse. By talking with a counselor on our 24-Hour Crisis Line you would be able to explore in more detail both the dynamics of your relationship and about WEAVE’s services. The Crisis Line number is 916.920.2952.

Why do people yell and hit to show how m

uch they care about their partners?

It is a myth that people yell and hit to show how much they care about their partners. In Reality, people yell and hit because they are using violence to try and control another person and are unable to control their own behavior.