Sexual Assault Message Board
Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in two business days.
|is there anyway i can file a police report for my ex that is calling me while they are having sex????||I do not know if the police would take a report but if your ex is harrassing you it can be helpful to keep a record of the times you are getting these calls. There may be some other options that could be helpful such as blocking their number, changing your number, and looking into a restraining order should you feel unsafe|
|I’m not sure if this counts as harassment and I had kind of stopped thinking about it but I can’t get it out of my head now, I’m 21 right now. When I was 6 years old me and my older cousin were playing, he was 18 at the time. While playing he started tickling me and tried unzipping my frock, I thought it was a mistake so I kind of zipped it back up but then he did it again, I felt weird but didn’t know what to do so zipped it back up again but he did it once more. He then asked me to tickle him saying that he isn’t ticklish, I tried tickling him since he said I should try and although I felt weird I still tried tickling him. But I felt really weird doing that so I kind of ran away, I don’t remember all the details what I did after that but this incident sticks out and recently my cousin has been having marital issues and his wife has filed for divorce and I can’t stop feeling guilty that somehow this is my fault.||It sounds like what happened made you feel very uncomfortable. At 6 years old you were able to recognize that whatever was happening did not feel right to you. Your cousin was an adult and you were a child. You are not to blame for his actions. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now and his impending divorce may have caused you to continue to be thinking of this incident. If you would like to get support regarding your feelings you are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line to speak with a counselor. The Support Line may be reached by calling (916) 920-2952. It is important to remind yourself that it is not your fault, you were just a child and he was an adult|
|one day my brother tried touching me at night so i told my sisters and he got in big trouble and it has ruined my childhood.1 year and some months ago and i cant get over the fact my brother would try to touch me like that - his youngest sister of 10 years and who always looked up to him. i was 14 when it happened. i don’t talk to him and when i don’t he says i’m rude and ignorant and wants me to apologize for being rude to him but i tell him no! and that i don’t want us to be brother and sisters and don’t want to talk to him. am i doing something wrong? what should i do?||It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in and it must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell your sisters about what he was doing. It also takes a lot of courage to continue to tell him no. Ultimately it is up to you to decide who you do and do not want in your life. It does not sound like he has been the safest person to be around and it is understandable that you do not feel comfortable with him. If you would like support regarding your decision to set limits with him and to talk about your feelings we have counselors on call 24 hours a day on our Support Line. You are welcome to call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952|
|What resources are available where I can search to describe the problem of “Human Sex Trafficking In the United States?”||
Some resources include: Polaris Project, “Sex
Trafficking in the U.S.”:
U.S. Dept. of State, Office to Monitor and Combat
Trafficking in Persons: www.state.gov/j/tip/index.htm
Trafficking in Persons (TIP) Report: http://www.state.gov/j/tip/rls/tiprpt/. Prostitution Research & Education, all trafficking-related sub-tabs under “Library” tab: http://prostitutionresearch.com
|i don’t know what to do I saw pictures on my cousin phone of her 9 year old daughter naked please help should i confront her or go to the police||Thank you for contacting us regarding your question as it is a very serious situation. For the child’s safety it would be best to contact the police and child protective services. After you call them it will be up to them to follow up accordingly. It must have been very alarming for you to see those pictures. By calling the appropriate authorities they can work to investigate the situation and then it is no longer on your shoulders and is up to them to act. I am sorry that that happened and am so glad that you reached out for support.|
|When I was ages 12-13 my (ex) boyfriend who is the same age as me fingered me and had me give him a hand job. He emotionally manipulated me in the fact that he would break up with me if I didn’t let him finger me and if I didn’t give him a hand job. He also emotionally manipulated me In the same way, into sending him inappropriate photos via text. Is this sexual assault? Or is it really all my fault? Once or twice I said no but he didn’t listen so I just gave up. Once I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I had to physically remove his hand from my vagina… Is this sexual assault? Or sexual abuse? What degree of sexual assault/abuse is this? I haven’t told anyone and I won’t tell anyone I just want to know if what happened to me is against the law.||I am so sorry that he did that to you. It must have been very scary and confusing. Any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay. From what you describe it sounds like there was emotional and sexual abuse within your relationship. If you would like more information regarding teen dating violence and the services WEAVE provides that may help you process your abuse you can call our 24 hour Support and Information line to speak with a counselor. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. Again, I am sorry this happened and I think it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help.|
|People below my apartment are banging, screaming and cursing after 12 am. The landlord wants to make me move out. He does not do anything about it I feel like sexual harassment what should i do||
It sounds like a difficult situation. It may be helpful to
contact the Fair Housing Commission to see what your rights
are and if there is any assistance they may be able to
provide. Their contact information is
1112 I St Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 444-6903
|I wonder if u could give me some advice. I’m feeling suicidal and feeling violated but not sure I have reason to be feeling either if these things. I’m bipolar so unsure if I’m just depressed. My boyfriend started using drugs and gets verbally aggressive. Last time this happened I begged him to let me sleep and he did so, until I woke up startled to find him ‘invading my personal space’ in a sexual manner. I feel violated but he said he didn’t know I was asleep. Is this just a mistake on his part or have I been assaulted? It’s happened a couple if times and both times I expressed my horror, kicked him and screamed at him. He’s always so apologetic afterwards but I’m now getting frightened of falling asleep.||You definitely have a valid reason to feel the way that you do. Sexual assault is anyone doing sexual act or attempting to do sexual acts to another person without consent. You describe being asleep and being woken up to him invading your personal space in a sexual manner. It does not sound like you gave him consent and that can feel very violating especially when it is by someone you are supposed to be able to trust. I encourage you to speak to a safe person about what you are going through so that you are not dealing with this alone. You also have the option to call law enforcement to report this if you choose. WEAVE has a 24/7 support and information line you can call to create a safety plan and get resources and information for counseling or other resources. Their number is 916-920-2952. It can also be helpful to call Nar-Anon Family Groups 646-6534 for support because you mentioned he has been using drugs.|
|My son who is 7, has been sexually assulted by a 5 year old boy, who has been in the same foster home since the age of 1. I have taken all of the right steps in contacting and making an incident report with police. I have been in contact with the Crisis Recovery Counseling, where my son will now have to have a Forensic Analysis. How is this possible and WHY did this happen to my child?||It appears that you have taken the correct steps to report this incident to law enforcement. I am sorry that you did not feel that you got an immediate response that, I am sure, you were wanting so this matter could be addressed. It is important for you to offer support to your child and request that his needs regarding this incident are being addressed by the foster home staff. You may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak to an advocate that will be able to provide support and information about counseling referrals. Having one’s child hurt in any manner is always difficult for a parent to deal with so it is important for you to continue seeking support for yourself and your son.|
|A college boyfriend called me several years ago and we dated for a while. After a year he told me he had something to say to me. He said that when we were in college, the first time I drank and passed out at a party — before I actually went out with him — he said he felt my breasts and I never knew and he never told me. He laughed when he told me, but I felt violated and told him I thought he was disrespectful. And why did he wait over 20 years to tell me? It made me feel used, 20 years after the fact. Was I overreacting? I told a couple of friends, and most kind of thought I was overreacting and that lots of boys did this. I disagree and it really bothers me — yet I feel as if it shouldn’t bother me. I quit seeing this man shortly after he told me this.||It is not unreasonable for you to feel violated. And, no, you are not overreacting. Even though this event occurred 20 years ago, it was not appropriate and he continued to be disrespectful by laughing at you when he told you about it. The feelings you are experiencing are consistent with someone who has been violated and had no control over what happened to them. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak with an advocate that can give you information about how you may access our counseling services or referrals in your area. It is important for you to trust your feelings and know that you can reach out for support.|
What’s the major consequence if my ex girlfriend is taking
me to court in regards to child pornography and Avo she
took out against me? What are the charges?
She wrote in her avo so many things about me that I didn’t even do (e.g. Threaten her life)
She out of her own will ( without my force) sent explicit photos of herself to me and is now taking me to court because “apparently” I sent others via the Internet these photos (which I didn’t).
The police seized my computer and phone, which contains a few of these photos.
However, that should mean I’m charged. Just warned.
(She was 15 during the relationship and I was 19) however
she lied and told me she was 16.
|These are really good questions for your attorney. Whether that is a public defender or another type of attorney you have for yourself. An attorney would be able to inform you of your rights and the charges that could be going to court. All of the concerns you have regarding the chain of events should be given to your attorney and or police department. Sorry we couldn’t be of more help but it sounds like the best help you could get would be from your attorney and or legal representative.|
I have a housemate that is verbally and has grabbed me
abusively. He is male, I’m female. I had the police come
and they took him to jail. he was drunk. I was sleeping and
he tried to touch me. They asked if I wanted to press
charges. I did not. I have nowhere else to go right now. I
am looking for a job at the present time. What should I do?
I have nowhere to go. We have Never had a physical
|I am so sorry it sounds like a very stressful situation having to find somewhere to live so unexpectedly on top of the trauma that comes from being sexually assaulted. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and Information Line that offers Support and Information on resources that may be of help to your situation. The number is 916-920-2952.|
Hi the humiliation is so hard to live with.. i am gay and I
am owned because I had no option I am raped all the time im
feminized like a woman and I am scared to speak up I cant
narc its a death sentence.
|I am so sorry for what you must be going through. I know that it is hard to ask for help while incarcerated but it may be helpful to know what your resources are while incarcerated. See if there is a safe person to talk to so that you are not dealing with things alone. It sounds like a very scary situation but the feelings you are describing are very normal for victims that have been sexually assault. WEAVE does have a toll free number to call for support and resources that number is 1-866-920-2952.|
My daughter is 15. Two years ago she was gang raped. I am
her mother. I just found out about the incident a few weeks
ago. She is being treated for PTSD. Everyday I look in the
mirror and my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my
chest. I am so sad and I just can’t seem to feel better. I
know that I’m not the one that was raped but I just can’t
seem to come to terms with the fact that I should have been
there to help her. She came to me after it happened and
told me the kids at school were being mean to her, but she
didn’t tell me this, I just feel so helpless and sad. I
could use some advise on how to deal with this.
|I am so sorry for what you and your daughter must be going through. When it comes to sexual assault not only is the victim going through their healing process but so are loved ones. It is important to find a safe place to talk about what you’re going through around your daughter’s assault. Counseling could be a great resource in helping to work through your own grief as well as suggestions on ways to help and understand what your daughter may be going through. There is no set amount of time in the healing process everyone is different but there is hope and things can get better. WEAVE has counseling services available and you can get that information by calling our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.|
I am twenty-one years old and I work in a family-friendly
environment. Two days ago (a very busy Saturday), I was in
the elevator at work with a group of people and a man began
touching me inappropriately, putting his arms around my
waist, stroking my hands and arms, and pushing me into the
corner and trying to kiss me. The man was dressed in a way
to make it look like he worked there, which he does not. I
immediately called my supervisor, who began to follow the
man around the building while I went and called Security.
My supervisor “lost sight” of the man and Security couldn’t
locate him either. So he got away.
I’m wondering if I should speak out against my place of work for letting the man get away. He sexually assaulted me, an employee, and who knows what he could have done to any number of children in the area if he’d had the chance? I believe my supervisors should have immediately called the police and had the man arrested and charged.I’ve been trying to get over the incident but the more I think about it, the more frightened I become. This happened at my work, where I should be safe no matter what, so now I’m terrified to be out anywhere alone.
I’m very confused. Thank you for your support.
|I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been very scary. If you would like to speak with HR at your work you certainly have the right to do so. You may also contact local law enforcement to see if they can take a report. It may be helpful in finding the man who did this to you. If your work has an EAP program it may be helpful to speak with someone to discuss your feelings. WEAVE also provides up to 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault clients. If you would like more information regarding available times to meet with a counselor you may call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|I am… basically a trans boy, for these purposes. (Non-transitioning, if that matters for my question.) I was abused as a child, and when I was no older than 13 (my memory is fuzzy but the other child’s account indicates that year), over a decade ago, I assaulted another, younger child. I never talked about it or apologized for it, because I didn’t know whether they remembered or not, and if they didn’t I felt it wasn’t my right to bring it up again and retraumatize them. I never did anything like that to anyone else. They have now told my fiancee, who is a survivor of much worse abuse, what I did to them. They don’t want any contact with me. I am respecting their wishes. After a long talk about what exactly happened, how I felt about it then, and how I feel about it now, my fiancee says she still loves me, wants to get married, wants our relationship to be romantic, and believes I am a good person now. Understandably, she doesn’t want any sexual contact with me for the forseeable future. I am having a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror and not seeing a villain, and my jerkbrain is rearing up and using the fact that she doesn’t want sexual contact or to sleep alone in the same room with me as evidence that I am disgusting and a monster and can’t ever be a good person and still be happy or productive. Rationally, I know that’s not true, but I need a neutral party to talk to who has some experience in this area, and while I don’t want to use resources meant for assault *survivors*, I thought WEAVE might know where there might be resources that could help me. Can you recommend, for example, support groups for queer or trans men (or really, any men’s group that wouldn’t balk at the fact that I am not “biologically male”) who were abused as children that are free, or extremely low-cost, or provided through an area university? I’ve Googled but I haven’t been able to find anything.||It sounds like you’re having a pretty stressful time. You can definitely seek low cost counseling here at WEAVE for any issue. However, if you would like to focus on the sexual abuse you suffered as a child, those services would be free at WEAVE. If you feel more comfortable, you can seek out the Gender Health Center for low cost counseling as well. If at any time you feel that you need emotional support, please contact our 24 hour, anonymous support line at 916 920 2952.|
|I am a lesbian who had started getting raped a year ago today. It was on going for a few weeks until I was able to get away. I ended up getting pregnant and having a son. My girlfriend has been very understanding through this entire process but my attacker found out I was pregnant and before my son was even born he had gone to the court saying he wanted sole custody and was trying to get me served. I never reported it, after the initial shock because of who this person was to me, I also didn’t want my son to ever find out how he was conceived so I never reported it. My son is almost 3 months now and there have been 2 hearings in this custody battle, I was wondering if, in the state of Arizona, I could still report it and if that could make a difference?||I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately, I do not know the laws in Arizona and would not be able to provide you with legal advice. It must be difficult trying to tend to the physical and emotional needs of your infant while also trying to move on and heal from the assault when you have to deal with your rapist in court. It may be helpful to call the police department in the town where the crime occurred and see what the statute of limitations is concerning rape in AZ. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding your experience and get some emotional support you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|Last week I was camping with a group of friends I’ve known for years. There was one new person who some of them had known for a while. We flirted and I was interested in making out. Everyone got pretty drunk, we ended up going for a walk and he asked me if I wanted to sit in his car to be warm. We ended up making out which was fine but then he started pushing for more. I was very specific and verbally stated this is what I am and am not comfortable with. He said he understood and then 5 seconds later tried doing exactly what I’d just told him not to and was not taking my pushing his hands away hint. After re-verbalizing twice I told him I didn’t think we should continue at which point he did anyway but I physically pushed him and got out of the car. Because I was in a, what I thought was safe environment, I am scared no matter where I go now. I was out in public alone today and almost had a panic attack. I also caught myself wishing I was less attractive so nobody would look at me. I know time will dissipate this fear, but I just wanted to know if there are any exercises or anything I can do to speed up my healing process. I don’t want this to change my life or who I am. I don’t want to give him that power over me. It’s also extra hard for me because I normally would not do anything like this, putting myself in what I would say is a dangerous situation, It was because I was with all friends, who all vouched for him beforehand, that I let my guard down and now I feel like an idiot who knew better.||I am sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you were more than clear with him what you were and were not okay with. You are right in that it will take some time to start to feel better as it just happened. It is good that you are aware that it is bothering you and that you are not|
|I was raped by my cousin from since I was 8yrs old he didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties, then I found out he was also raping my mother. Can i press charges against him? He’s admitted what he’s done and is now a member of the church surrounded by children. What can I do now 20yrs later?||I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. It must have been very frightening for you. I am not aware of the statute of limitations where you are from. In regards to him being around children, if you have concerns that other children are at risk you can file an anonymous report with child protective services. If you would like additional support regarding how the sexual abuse has impacted your life and would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.|
|I had an ‘incident’ which triggered me to kind of…I dunno I was freaking out in the corner of elevator all by myself, crying and just generally wishing I could crawl into a hole and hide. So I finally made the decision to see someone. I had an initial appointment a few weeks ago with a LCSW . Sort of an appointment to meet and build a rapport I guess. She asked me to describe my ‘most’ traumatic experience….but every time I sit down to sort of write this out ….I can’t lock it down to ‘one’ single traumatic experience. It’s been a life time of crap…and I’ve spent a life time denying, ignoring, minimizing, and rationalizing every single incident. I don’t know how to do this….and I’m confused by all these crazy feelings swirling around…it doesn’t make any sense to me and it makes it hard to think straight and carry on a decent conversation about any of this.I have my next appointment on Saturday. and now the closer the appointment gets the more I don’t want go.||
I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. It
takes a lot of
courage to reach out for help, schedule a counseling appointment,
and meet with a new therapist. It can also be challenging to narrow
down what is troubling to a single event. It may be helpful to remind
yourself that you have already started the hard work by reaching out
for help. Its common to feel nervous about continuing counseling
services and you may find it helpful to speak with your therapist about
your feelings of unease. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support
and Information Line for additional support as you continue processing
your experiences you are more than welcome to. Our number is
What further can I do? I was in the process of moving into my new home and my best friend’s husband helped me. Her and I have been friends from childhood and we are now 62. She did not come on the last load of boxes. I was outside sweeping up leaves and nails in the driveway when her husband called me and asked if I would show him where the boxes go, I walked inside the kitchen, took off my sun glasses and he was standing there naked and grabbed me, and started pulling my shirt off, I slapped him and told him to get out of my house. He said don’t tell her, because I’ll say you did it. I couldn’t get her on the phone but texted her. Her immediate reply was Are you serious? What are you telling me? I’m sorry this happened. This is not his first go around. He forced himself on her 14 year old daughter, but she believed him and blamed the daughter! She later texted me that she could not be around me or him because she’s upset. I then found out she kept him for a paycheck. She ruined a lifelong friendship for money. I reported this to the police and NOTHING has been done. He texted me and said “I’m sorry but you shouldn’t have told her”, I did forward his text to her with no reply. They still live together. I’m always looking over my should and cannot believe someone would stoop so low. I have pictures of the bruses on my arm and leg from him not letting go, and I tripped over a chair that caused the bruse on my leg. Police didn’t care
It sounds like that was a very scary experience and that you
having a mixture of emotions following the assault and loss of your
long friendship. If you feel that speaking with a counselor would be
helpful WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of
sexual assault and has trained Support Line volunteers available by
phone 24/7 at (916)920-2952. I am sorry that you were unable to get
the support you needed from your friend or from law enforcement,
My 17 year old daughter was sexually assaulted by her Karate instructor. My daughter was in the bathroom rinsing her face, when the male instructor (approximately 45-50 years old) opened the door without knocking. He then wet paper towels opened her shirt and sports bra to wipe her chest with the wet paper towels. Her breast were exposed. The instructor states he thought she looked ill and he wanted to cool her down. Prior to class starting my daughter was doing her practice stretches and the male instructor approached her and asked if her nipples were pierced.
Apparently, my daughter has felt uncomfortable around him for months. He has regularly said inappropritate things to her and others, but she just tried to ignore or avoid him… until this happened. She told me what happened when she got home. I immeditely took her back to the karate school and confronted the instructor. He admitted touching her, but stated it was to help cool her down and nothing more. I did not know about him asking her about the nipples being pierced at the time. I was told that the next day by my daughter. My daughter is a very honest, innocent, and naive 17 year old.
My wife has been asked by a few people why we left the karate school. My wife simply told them the instructor innapropriately touched our daughter and asked her things of a sexual nature. These people now want to leave the school too. The instructor is now threatening to sue us for slander. This all happened just 3 weeks ago. Should I have filed a police report? Should I do it now? I think he is bluffing about the slander lawsuit, but who knows.
I want to ignore it al and let it go away, but I just don’t know what to do???
—Signed a very confused Father
I am sorry to hear that you and your family are going through
terrible ordeal. It must have been very scary for your daughter. If you
and your family decide to contact law enforcement they can take an
incident report. Because the instructor has access to other children it
may be something to consider. As far as the threats to sue, he may or
may not be serious. It is great that your daughter has your support and
that you believe what she is telling you. If you would like to speak with
a counselor or if your daughter would, we have free counseling services available. We also have a 24 hour Support and Information Line that
can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again, I am so sorry that you and
your family is going through this and we can help provide you with
emotional support and review options with you.
|My niece is marrying what i thought was a wonderful man in October. He made sexual advances to me and is denying it as well as my niece and his parents. My family supports me. What do I do?||It is good that you have the support of your family. It must have felt very uncomfortable for you to have him make sexual advances towards you while engaged to marry your niece. It sounds like you attempted to hold him accountable for his behavior but he is refusing. Unfortunately, it does not sound like everyone is supportive of how you feel and what you experienced. It may be helpful to know that you did your best to have him come forward and be honest about his behavior. It might also help for you to talk with someone about how the experience has made you feel. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor.|
|I’m an RN working for a local clinic. We frequently see women after an assault for pregnancy testing and other services. I had a patient today who states she contacted WEAVE for individual counseling related to her assault and she was told there is a fee schedule. I’ve tried the information line several times and due to the call volume, can’t access staff to ask questions. Please let me know what the fee schedule is for 1-to-1 counseling, and let me know if there are fees for group counseling. Many Thanks!||Thank you for the important work that you do in the community and for reaching out to get clarity regarding the fee for services WEAVE provides. Counseling services for survivors of sexual assault is free of charge. WEAVE offers a free triage counseling service and eight counseling sessions at no charge for survivors of sexual assault. If the survivor has made a police report and is interested in Victims of Crime Compensation Program we work with the survivor to help them complete an application that may qualify them for additional counseling services. Triage appointments are offered at various times throughout the week. WEAVE offers triage counseling at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s and Thursdays from 10a-1p and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We have Spanish triage sessions on Thursdays from 10a-1pm. We also offer triage services on Mondays in English and Spanish from 4p-7p at our South Sacramento location, 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823. Clients are asked to get there early in order to find parking and check in at reception. Appointments typically last for 30 minutes and are held on a first come, first served basis. Thank you for reaching out to us and thank you for the important work you do.|
Do you have an in-patient treatment program for women?This
is regarding a 27 year-old who has been sexually abused
most of her life.If you don’t provide this level of care,
can you recommend a facility – does not need to be in
|I do not know of an inpatient treatment program for rape victims but here is a resource that may be able to help. The “Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)” is a national resource for sexual assault victims and I think they may be able to help you. Their National Sexual Assault Hotline |is 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) Our agency is in Sacramento and does offer counseling. If you are interested you can get the details of our counseling services by calling our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.|
|My mum had family friends in a town 4 hours from where we live, we used to visit them all the time. Anyway, we were staying with them (one time when I was 11) and my mum had to return home for work or something for a day and would be back the next day. She asked if I wanted to go with her and I said no, I’d just see her the next day. I woke up that night with Mum’s family friend (male, about 50) in my bed. I didn’t know what to do. He was spooning me and asked me “do you want me to go?”. I had no idea what to do. I remember he had his hand in my pants on my bum and he also made me touch his privates by grabbing my hand and putting it on them. He took me downstairs and made me a hot chocolate and I remember him kissing me on the head a lot and patting me on the head. I packed my bag and said I was going to leave and he said mum would be back the next day. After he had gone back to bed I called my mums house phone and she didn’t answer. A few minutes later, the man who had assaulted me’s wife came up and asked if I had called mum and I said yes and I just missed her and wanted to talk to her. The next day when mum got back I started crying and said I just missed her. I am now 19 and have never told anyone, this is the first time I have said anything as I am beginning to not be able to cope with it mentally at all. I was wondering if you could give me any advice on where to start to resolve this or at least be able to tell someone in person about it?||I am so sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic event at such a young age. Everyone’s healing process can be different but it is very normal for trauma to affect us many years later. It can really help to talk with a professional and or supportive person about the feelings and things you are going through. WEAVE does offer free sexual assault counseling. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support.|
Yesterday, I woke up to find my friends boyfriend in the
bed, spooning me and with his hands in my pants. I pushed
him away, climbed out of the bed and left the room. His
girlfriend – my friend, was next to me, I was in the middle
– why did he climb in behind me? As I climbed out of the
bed, I glimpsed that he had his bits exposed. I pretended I
didn’t see and I went outside to calm down and gather my
thoughts. I’ve tried to block it out but I think I may
I am now sat at my desk and feel alone and violated. How
dare he help himself? I have only ever been with my 3
boyfriends and I have never ever had even a random kiss
with anyone. I am very protective of my body. I feel
absolutely violated, and I’m devastated and I have no
idea what to do about it. I can’t believe it.
|You have every right to be upset about his actions. Unwelcome sexual advances are not okay. It may be helpful to talk with someone about what happened. Speaking with a Support Line counselor might give you the emotional support you need to process what happened. You are welcome to contact the 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We have counselors available day and night to assist you.|
Just last night, I was in the metro late in the evening
going home. A guy sits beside me while waiting for the
train, from the corner of my eye, it looked like he was
jerking off, but I figured it was my imagination. When the
metro arrived, he sat diagonal from me. We were alone in
the metro. I turned away from him, to look in the window
(which doubles as a mirror when it’s dark).
Through the reflection I saw him jerking off to me, his penis was completely visible. Two stops later, he sits up, with his penis out. He left the train, but stuck his penis to the window, right on my face, jerking off again. He gave the sickest grin I’ve ever seen. The metro left, he put himself away, and it ended there.
My question is, he didn’t touch me, but I feel violated… Should I call the police or not? I don’t know what to do.
|First of all, I am so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like it must have been awful. You have every right to contact law enforcement. You may contact RT for crime related issues by or suspicious activity to RT Police by calling 916-556-0275 or by sending a text to 67283 beginning with “sacrt” followed by a space and your message. Remember to save 67283 in your phone as “RT Crime Tips” for easy texting access later. A person does not have to touch you in order for you to be violated. This person’s actions were completely inappropriate and law enforcement may appreciate the call as that way they can have a record that someone did this and you can get some support for what happened. RT might even have cameras so that they can identify the perpetrator. You can also call us on our Support Line if you need emotional support. Our 24-hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.|
Last night, me, my best friend, and my best friend’s
boyfriend were drinking a little. We didn’t have much, and
I’m pretty sure none of us were drunk.
We went to sleep, all in my bed but with my best friend in the middle. At one point I thought I felt someone touching my private area (over my shorts) and I woke up. When I woke up, it was gone. I fell back asleep and woke up again because someone was moving my arm. I opened my eyes and my best friend’s boyfriend was by my side of the bed, moving my arm towards his crotch. He immediately stopped and went to the other side of the room, but didn’t lay back down.
I stayed awake but pretended to be asleep, because, at this point, I wasn’t sure what was going on. I was still really tired and wasn’t sure if I had just dreamed it or what. He kept shining the light by the bed, I guess to see if I was asleep. Later on, he poked my leg, I’m assuming to see if I was awake or not. I pretended to be asleep. He poked me a few more times, and then slowly lifted the blanket. He groped my butt and I could feel that he was pleasuring himself. I was frozen, and still tired, wondering if it was real or not. I know I should have told him to stop, but at the time I really didn’t know what to do. So I layed there and pretended to be asleep.The next day I confronted him about it and he swore up and down he thought I was his girlfriend. I’m pretty sure he knew I wasn’t, though, because his movements were really really slow, so that I wouldn’t wake up. And he knew which side of the bed I was on. I told his girlfriend and she believes that he thought I was her, so they are staying together.
Basically, I guess I’m just needing some advice on what
to do, if anything at all.
|It sounds like that was a really scary and uncomfortable night for you. It took a lot of courage to confront him and to tell your friend what happened. Fight or flight is a very common response to frightening, and strange situations. It’s understandable that you felt frozen and were trying to figure out what was happening. He shouldn’t have been touching you and even if he thought you were his girlfriend it would not give him the green light to grope someone in their sleep. It may be difficult to limit your contact with him as he is your best friend’s boyfriend but it could be helpful to let your friend know that you are not comfortable around him anymore. It doesn’t sound like he is going to admit to what happened. Even if he doesn’t admit what happened, continue to trust your gut and know that you did nothing wrong.|
|My boyfriend of 3 years has been working hard to help my oldest daughter who is 13 with her self esteem. She has been through a rough period and we just went on a vacation and the bed was smaller so he said he would sleep with her instead of the 2 of us sleeping together. The sleeping arrangements were cramped as we were staying with friends. They would stay up and talk and watch tv. My boyfriend has sleep apnea and wears a CPAP mask. On the last night, in his sleep, he fingered her. She woke up and rolled over. He then woke up, realized what was happening and asked to talk to her. She came to me and we talked, he and I talked and the 3 of us talked. He was mortified, sick to his stomach and very apologetic. He has sleep groped me before but we never thought of the danger of putting her in the situation of sleeping in the same bed with him. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened before. He is scared to death. She wants to discuss with her counselor but we are afraid she would be required to report it and that would bring a lot of things with it. We are trying to work through this with her. Obviously she will never be put in that situation again. He is concerned that she could report it years down the line and he could go to jail. We don’t know what to do but it appears to be sexsomnia. How do we approach this? We are all scared.||This is a really difficult situation without an easy answer. I can’t tell you what to do but I do know that asking your daughter to keep a secret such as this one can have very long lasting trauma. It can be beneficial for your daughter to talk with her counselor even though you have concerns regarding the counselors mandated reporter responsibilities. Discouraging your daughter from talking about it with her counselor might lead her to think it is her fault or that it is wrong to talk to her counselor about it. You and your daughter are more than welcome to call our 24/hr support line for support and or information and resources the number is 916-920-2952|
I’m 17 years old and am scared that my boss is sexually
At first I just put him down to overly friendly but now he’s taken in too far. He’s tried to kiss me multiple times, and has groped me in inappropriate places (‘up’ and ‘down’). I’ve told him that I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to do it but he is persistent. The most recent case of him touching me resulted in me freezing with shock and I wasn’t able to say anything. I’m scared that if I tell him what he’s doing is wrong and illegal he’ll see it as a threat and blackmail me into losing or making my job a misery. I really don’t want to involve the police because I don’t want to get him into trouble. I know that might not make sense but it seemed like he was my friend once.I’m scared and I don’t know what to do! Please, any help or information would be much appreciated.
|What your boss is doing to you is against the law under sexual harassment and even sexual assault. He is your boss and I know it can be scary to risk losing your job but I encourage you to talk to someone about what is going on because you don’t deserve to work in a work environment like that. Also his behavior can escalate if he’s feeling like he’s getting away with it and I would hate to see you in a worse situation than you are already in. If you did decide to report him to the police it would not be you getting him in trouble if he was the one making the choice to sexually harrass/sexually assault you. WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support.|
|This incident happened to me about 10 days ago.I am a grad student and had a professional relationship with a gentleman! I had an appointment with him in the morning, we had some conversations including my plan in subleasing my apartment and his cousin who is seeking an apartment to sublease. I got back home and got busy with my study and my plan was to go to my classmates party. He sent me a text if he can stop by to see my apartment for his cousin, and I accepted. He came by to my place in the early evening and I offered some tea. We had some tea and some conversation including our plan for that night. I told him I am going to my classmates party and if he wants can join us. He told me he will let me know if he decides to join. I went to the party, and I drank too much started getting totally drunk. He sent me a text that he ended up going to another party and if I want can join them, and I responded I am having fun here besides I am too drunk and cannot drive. And then he responded he will come to ride me home. A few minutes after I was totally drunk, about to pass out, feeling bad and needed to go home. My friends rode me home, meanwhile he was calling me, finally I took one of his call and told him my friends are riding me home. I got home, got out of car, and said good bye to friends and he was waiting for me by my apartment. He helped me out to go home and right after getting home I passed out, and barely remember whatever happened after that. I just remember separated scenes, he held me on his arms to put me on my bed, he had water pitcher and a mug in his hand to give me some water, and the next scene I remember I was totally naked and he was having sex with me!! I remember I was confused, felt like having sex with my ex-boyfriend, then remembered it was not my ex, it was him, and then passed out again! And it happened several times to me! I remember, he wanted to leave my apartment in the middle of night and was getting dressed and said “I made an ethical mistake!” He left and I passed out again. The day after, I was suffering from hangover, and started thinking what happened to me! In the beginning I thought I might get naked by myself but couldn’t remember and when I investigated my clothing, shoes, tights I made sure he took all my clothes off and had intercourse with me while I was passed out. I’d had pain in my vagina for 2-3 days after.I haven’t spoken to anybody yet but I have been having a terrible feeling since then. During the first 2-3 days I was feeling guilty and felt it was my fault and mistake, but when I read more about the definition of rape and my rights, I made sure what happened to me was rape and I was a victim! I didn’t want to have sex with this guy! I really don’t know what to do, if I should report, and how to get out of that. I have a terrible feeling right now, please advise!||I am so sorry for all that you must be going through right now. You do still have the right to make a report to law enforcement. It is against the law to have sex with someone while they are under the influence because they would not be in the right frame of mind to give consent. Many people take advantage of others vulnerability while they are under the influence. Whether or not you decide to report this crime to law enforcement I would encourage you to find someone safe to talk about this whether it be a friend or professional counseling. WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support. I am glad that you have come to understand that none of what happened to you was your fault because it wasn’t. I hope that you reach out again if you have any further questions and or need support.|
I had a friend he was an old boyfriend I trusted him so we
chilling out in his room and I fell asleep I woke up to Him with his hands
down my pants I said stop but he didn’t I’ve been through this before so I just closed my eyes and let him do as he wanted I just shut down the bad bit is I have a boyfriend and I haven’t told him I don’t want him to know about any of it or what else I’ve been through I just want to forget about it
|I am so sorry that happened to you. I want you to know that you are not alone and that there is support available for you should you want to talk to someone. We offer 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You may also contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 should you want to speak with a counselor over the phone. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. The thoughts and feelings you are having regarding the assault are normal and it’s understandable that you just want to forget that it ever happened. Please know that we are here to help you.|
My ex boyfriend – we’ve been broken up for nearly 2
years, we’re still friends but have sex on a number of
occasions over the past year. I have a new boyfriend now
and told my ex boyfriend that under no circumstances was
I ever going to cheat on him but we could still be
friends as we were always pretty close before we got
together and kept that friendship afterwards as well. So
my ex came over to see me, the plan was just to drink
tea, chat and generally hang out. That was fine to start
with, my little girl was still awake and everything was
fine. Then once I put her to bed he decided to sit next
to me on the sofa. He started casually coming on to me, I
told him to behave and to stop it and that it wasn’t
going to happen… but he couldn’t seem to take no for an
answer. He kept doing it despite me saying for him to
stop, eventually he picked me up and took me to my
bedroom. I told him to put me down and that I wasn’t
going to have sex with him and to stop. But he still
wouldn’t stop, he kept kissing me and putting his hands
down my top, etc. He was laying on top of me and he was a
lot stronger than me, I kept saying no, kept saying for
him to stop it and he just replied “I can’t stop” I
pushed him away but he moved my hands and carried on, I
kept pushing him away saying no stop but he kept going,
he managed to undo my
|I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. What you are describing happened with your ex-boyfriend is sexual assault because it was non-consensual. You told him that you did not want to have sex with him and he did not listen to you. You are not to blame for what happened. He had the choice to listen to you and not force himself on you and he did so even though you told him not to. You did everything you could to do. It is not your fault. You do not need to fight the entire assault for it to be considered rape. You told him no and that is enough. Please know that there is support out there for you and counselors that are available to help you work through this and answer your questions. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You are more than welcome to contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line for more additional support and more information on how to access services. WEAVE offers free counseling triage service on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 1900 K street from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays 4pm-7pm. Our 24 hour Support Line may be reached at (916)920-2952.|
|Thank you for reaching out to us to share your story and current challenges. It sounds like living in your current town is proving to be very difficult with your rapist there and that is understandable. A change of scenery may be good for you. It may be helpful to sit down and make a pro and con list for moving. Sometimes it can be helpful to make a decision when seeing what the pros and cons are on paper. You may also contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line that can provide you with support and be a sounding board for you while you review your options. It does not sound like it is an easy decision to make or an easy situation to be in. Hopefully by weighing the pros and cons and contacting our Support Line for information you will be able to make a decision that works best for you and your future goals.|
A guy I did not want touching me put his fingers or penis
vagina. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed to say that I do not even know if it was his fingers or penis. I battle in my mind because I think it is not as bad if it was his fingers and can not even handle the idea it may have been more. Are both of these rape? Is it not so bad if it is just his fingers? I just feel gross and ashamed. I don’t want to be around anyone who knew me at that time of my life because I just can’t handle what happened. It is frustrating not to remember/know what happened. I feel like if I could remember then everything would be ok. Somehow, I don’t think that is true
|The feelings you describe are very normal symptoms for people that have been through trauma as you have described. Anyone that has had sexual things happen to them unwanted in any way can be left with a lot of hurt and pain. Most people describe similar feelings of feeling ashamed/ gross and or replaying the situation over in their mind whether to remember or just that they can’t forget. Most situations such as you have described take time to heal from. I encourage you to find safe people you can talk to about how you are feeling whether it is a professional counselor and or a trusted friend. WEAVE does offer counseling WEAVE is a domestic violence/sexual assault center in Sacramento and we do offer free sexual assault counseling. If you are interested you may go to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm. To answer your question in regards to what constitutes rape whether it was his fingers or his penis both constitute as sexual assault if it was his penis that would be considered rape.|
|Several years ago, I contacted your office for help, I was told I was too extensive for your help due to funding, it left me devastated, without hope and my depression has got worse. You are the only agency listed to help sexual abuse victims in our area, and I feel like I am hanging by a thread so I am trying again. Here is the short story I was sexually abused from 3 yrs – 16 yrs by my father; a failed marriage resulted in three children. I remarried. My 8 yr old daughter said she was being abused, I called CPS, Police and took to Kaiser, I was told by all 3 agencies she was lying, I was stupid I believed them because I didn’t think the professionals would be wrong. At age 16 she gave birth to my first grandchild. 4 months later i found out it was my husband’s child. My grandson will be 15 years old and I am still paralyzed by the pain and am no longer a productive human being. Can anybody help me rebuild my life? I have anxiety if I have to go outside.||I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. It sounds like it has been a struggle for you to get support for some time now. Without knowing the details, I cannot speak to the specific reason you were not seen at the counseling center when you first reached out for help. Part of the reason may be that WEAVE only provides 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault and it can be difficult to address years of abuse and increase coping skills within 8 sessions. After the 8 free sessions clients are able to continue with their therapist through private pay. The counseling fees are based upon a sliding scale. If this is something you would be interested in finding more about you are welcome to attend one of our triage sessions. WEAVE provides counseling services both in Midtown and in South Sacramento. The triage hours at WEAVE South (7600 Hospital Drive, Suit I) Mondays 4pm-7pm. Please arrive by 6:15 pm to complete paperwork. The triage house for 1900 K Street are Tuesdays and Thursdays 10a-1pm and Wednesdays 4pm-7pm. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 920-2952.|
So this happened like last summer. I was 13 and my
brother was like
15 and I was watching a movie downstairs with him in his room. He told me
that he would hurt me if I didn’t take off my clothes so I took then off and
then he took off his. Then he touched me in my private areas and stuff and he
made me touch his. So he said he would hurt me if I didn’t have sex with him
so I had no choice but to agree with him to do it. He shoved it in me and I
cried because it hurt because I was a virgin but he put a plastic bag on his
area so he wouldn’t get me pregnant. I was wondering if this was rape or
anything because I don’t know what to call it.
|Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us about your situation. I first want to say that I am so sorry that happened to you. What your brother did was not okay and is considered rape. You were forced to do something against your will and threatened with physical harm. I am so sorry that he hurt you. It sounds like it has been almost a year since this happened and it must have been very scary to have that happen especially by your brother. Please know that there are resources available for you if you would like to speak with someone in person or over the phone. WEAVE offers free individual and confidential counseling services. To find out more information or to speak with a counselor over the phone you are more than welcome to call us at our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. Again, I am sorry that this happened, it wasn’t your fault and what he did was rape. You are very strong in reaching out to us and if you would like further help, please know that we are here to help you.|
Question I was was wondering if there are any group I could go talk to or any way I may help Raped and Abused woman I was raped a few years ago and I truely am a survivor and would love to help woman that have gone through
|That is very generous of you. Your local domestic violence or rape crisis center is likely to have volunteering that would definitely help victims of abuse. Twice a year WEAVE has training for people interested in volunteering. You can access an application by going to our website. Once you submit your application someone will contact you to discuss volunteer opportunities.|
|When I was 6 or 7, my brother who was 10 at the time, sexually assaulted me. He made me think it was a game, until I realized how disgusting the acts were. Knowing I would get help, my brother pulled me aside and held a knife close to me. He made me promise not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I kept my mouth shut. He had a similar incident with my 2 friends, who told on him. He lived in a foster home for a few years and I hardly saw him. I feel like I grew up without a brother. And to make it worse, the neighbors told everyone about the incident, so none of my friends were allowed to play with me. My only “friends” were the Child Protective Service ladies who asked me uncomfortable questions. I was given a label for my brother’s selfish act… it has been almost 10 years since then, and I have nightmares about it. I’m starting to feel bitter towards my brother for my unusual childhood, but I know I should be to blame for not telling anyone. I want to talk to my mom, but I feel like she’ll be mad at me for bringing up the past. I need closure. I need something. Am I wrong to still be upset? What should I do? I’m going crazy here…||It sounds like you are having a difficult time right now and it may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. The nightmares and anger that you are experiencing are common for survivors of childhood molest. Talking with a counselor may be a helpful step in working through the past so that you can feel better in the present. It is important to tell yourself that you are not to blame for the violence. You may not believe it right now but it is still important to tell yourself that it was not your fault. Your brother demonstrated to you at a very young age that he was violent and could hurt you and your friends. You are not to blame; it is not your fault. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.|
i did not want the intercourse but i felt like if i really did not want it why did i put myself in that situation? Or why fawn over my rapist for days after… i thought i was friends with this guy. Just friends. Even though he called me a “whore” constantly and was always asking to have sex with me which i would always say no to but I’m not a very good person so i feel so guilty for it. And one time we went to his friend’s house to smoke weed (which i was okay with it) but after i was very stoned. And all of a sudden we were naked in some bathroom. I didn’t even remember how i got there but i did not want to be there. I just wanted to hangout and i was very uncomfortable but i didn’t physically object or verbally object. I was just in this dreamlike state. Like i wasn’t even present at that time. This happened three more times. If it was rape why did i keep going back to this guy? Why would i consider a guy who called me “whore” everyday a friend?
So, I’ve been dealing with this for over 15 years. As a
Thank you for taking the time to write to us and share what you have been experiencing. You are asking a lot of really good questions. The situation and experiences you described do sound like sexual assault and that you were not in the frame of mind to consent to the sexual act. Sexual assault is a very difficult and often confusing experience and can be even more confusing when the person committing the crime says they are your “friend.” You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. It also sounds like this guy is not only physically and sexually abusive to you but verbally abusive as well. WEAVE offers free sexual assault counseling and if you would like to talk with someone in person or over the phone you are more than welcome to contact us. We have a 24 hour Support and Information Line as well as free triage counseling on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Again, you raise some very good and common questions regarding sexual assault and the challenges it raises when the perpetrator is known to you and is masking the sexual assault behind the veil of “friendship.” Him hurting you, calling you names, and assaulting you is not OK.
It is very normal to have symptoms after having gone through a very traumatic event. Some of the symptoms you have described such as “No one understands”, and “feeling hatred”, or “feeling like the 13yr old trying to get over the incident” are common feelings I have heard from others that have gone through trauma similar to yours. Sometimes working through the trauma with a counselor can help. WEAVE offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE also has a support line for support as well as resources and referrals. It’s available 24/7 and the number is 916-920-2952.
I have been eerated from my sexually abusive husband for
almost two years. I never went to the athurties i just left
him, my family knows but thats it. He is now bully me about
the custidy of our kids. Is there anything i can do now
about the abuse.
||You can report the abuse to Law Enforcement if that is something you want to do. As far as custody with your children goes you can always contact a lawyer to see what your options are. WEAVE has a support line for support as well as resources and referrals. It’s available 24/7 and the number is 916-920-2952. The support line can give you legal resources if that’s what you’re looking for. WEAVE also offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.|
I am a married women in abusive relationship so try to seek
help on the Internet met a guy been speaking to him got
years we decided to met to I can make a decision to end my
relationship the guy is a professional and middleeastern
descent he was very obessed because he thought I was
attractive I told when we met no touching of anyway he
didn’t listen and he hugged me many time and my hands were
pushing him away and i started to cry then he hugged me
from the back gourpes my breast and he laughed and started
to rub my hips (edited for length and content) he then
stated your a
respectful women and i told him what he did was inapporiate he started to apologize and said I want to marry you and serious about with a ring I totally turn off and told him he’s not my type he still texts me and I started to ignore him I relive it all the time and I cry so much
|I am so sorry. It sounds like you went through a really awful experience. Reliving it and crying are very common symptoms when having gone through something traumatic. I think it is courageous of you to talk about it and I encourage you to continue to do that with people you feel safe with. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support line at 916-920-2952 that you can call for support information and resources. WEAVE also offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.|
I don’t know if this counts as rape.I met up with a guy I
met on the internet and we had been txting. In the txts I
said I did not want to have sex as I was a virgin. We meet
up and we had oral sex and that was fine. and then he tried
several times to (Edited for length and content) have
intercourse and he only stopped each time because I cried
out in pain. I didn’t say no and he didn’t threaten me and
I didn’t really react at all. But I had said I didn’t want
sex earlier. I have nightmares about it sometimes I just
feel frighted and upset when I do think about it and I
can’t watch films with rape scenes. I don’t want to contact
the police about it. I just want to know if it was rape,
attempted rape, or sexual assault or if I just interpreted
it the wrong way. I just want to move on.
||Sexual assault is ANY type of unwanted sexual contact. Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks”. Forcing or pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do or don’t consent to is sexual assault. Sexual assault is not always saying “no” it’s the absence of “yes” or consent, and just because you say yes to one act doesn’t mean that someone has the right to assume you’re ok with other sexual acts. Whether or not you name it rape it has clearly affected you. Talking about it and not dealing with it alone can really help. WEAVE does offer counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. It is normal to want to “move on” after something has affected you like this but I hope you are patient with yourself because the healing process can take some time and there are usually a lot of up’s and downs in the healing process.|
Using the WEAVE 24/7 Support whe having a triggering event. I recently had a trigger event during..get this…during a business meeting in a conference room. I felt like a deer in the headlights…frozen, my mind starting filling up wiht these random memories and powerful feelings of fight or flight….we broke for five minutes and I walked out of the office and into the elevator…I didn’t even push the button…I just stood there with my face in the corner trying not to burst into tears and not hyper ventilate. It’s been four years since I got out. it’ took at least 2 years to finally get out of the depression and start to function normally again…dare I say even happily. So the lingering issue I have is trying to deal with my emotions when the memories or the panic, or that all too familiar fear grab hold of me. Is it ok to call when you’re in the middle of a panic state like that? I am safe and very secure now…it’s just this one side effect that reaches up and grabs me sometimes.
Triggering is normal It is absolutely ok to use the 24 hour
Support & Information Line when you are experiencing a
triggering event. The advocates who answer the phone
understand how scary these times can be and are there to
support you. If you are continuing to experience the triggers
and they are affecting you regularly, you may want to
consider meeting with a WEAVE counselor to develop additional
coping skills. The advocates on the Support & Information
Line can you information about accessing additional
|Can you refer me to similar groups in the San Francisco Bay Area?||There are multiple domestic violence and sexual assault resources in the SF Bay Area. You can find a listing for domestic violence agencies here at the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence website. Sexual assault programs can be found here at the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault website. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get referrals.|
Ive been abused from a child into adulthood both sexually
and physically I never gotten any help for it or other
issues I have had because of these experiences. Now I have
an open cps case because of domestic violence from my
husband I have to take classes and see you guys but how
will I know that what I say to you will not effect me
getting my daughter back what if you think im crazy. im
scared if im honest that I will never get my daughter back
but at same time all my family and friends want me to get
help. I want help im scared everyday that I might to
something dangerous to my self some days Im ok but others
not its a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore but
im scared if I ask for help and tell my story it will be
used against my I don’t trust anyone never have idk what my
question is really im just don’t want to cheat this program
if it can actually help me
||If you feel you may harm yourself, please call the Suicide Hotline at 916.368.3111. It is completely understandable that you would be scared and worried. You deserve to feel safe and to heal. WEAVE helps many women who have experienced abuse and are now involved with CPS. Your concern about sharing is understandable and we want to support your healing. We know you want to be a good mom. The support group can help you to share your story and to know that others have had similar experiences and feeling – you are not alone. Any relationship – past or present – that is abusive is complex and talking with the counselor can help. If you need confidential support– you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for support for the abuse at 916.920.2952. We are mandated reports and the Support Line and Suicide Hotline advocates will be honest with you about anything you share that would have to be reported to CPS during the conversation.|
|A 13 year old impregnated by her step-father wants to keep the baby. Can you suggest anything that might help her see how difficult this would be for the child, for her and for her mother?||This young girl is clearly dealing with a very difficult situation. We hope this has been reported to the authorities to hold the perpetrator accountable and ensure the girl is receiving appropriate support. At WEAVE, we believe in empowering survivors to make decisions and do not tell survivors what to do. We offer resources to help survivors to make the best choices for their safety, healing and well being. We can offer counseling to address the trauma of rape and link her to additional resources. The first step to accessing services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE staff are mandated reporters and will report the rape to the appropriate authorities if this has not already occured.|
|When I was a teen my brother repeatedly slipped into my bedroom and performed oral sex on me while I was asleep. After some sessions with a psychologist (much later on) I recalled these activities. It was definitely unwanted sex; he was my brother for gosh sakes. Ironically,we were so close people often thought we were a couple when we would go out in public together. Naturally I confronted him and he denied it. He sluffed it off to “shrinks” getting you to say and think things that didn’t happen. How can I get my brother to admit these acts? (Edited for length and content)||Perpetrators often deny their acts, this does not change what happened to you or the damage it caused. It sounds like you are currently seeing a psychologist and we encourage you to continue this counseling as part of your healing. You may also find it useful to speak to a phone counselor for additional support. While WEAVE is unique to Northern CA our friends at RAINN can offer 24/7 national support. You may call 800.656.4673 to speak to a confidential counselor at any time.|
I was 14 and in a bed with a guy (a friend of my friends
brother - the guy was 17 or 18) on one side and my
friend on the other. The three of us were sharing the
bed because couples in the house were having sex after a
New Year’s Eve party and we needed a place to sleep. I
was falling asleep and I felt this guys leg touch
mine, he rolled over and started kissing me. My friend
left. I don’t remember how but later I was naked and he
kept kissing me. He kissed my chest and I told him not to
and I didn’t like it. I was confused and scared. I
liked him but didn’t know if I was ready for sex. He
grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. I tried to pull my hand away and he wouldn’t let go. He then shoved his fingers in my vagina. I felt like the room was spinning and didn’t know what was happening. This happened many years ago. My counselor thinks it was date rape. What happened still scares me but I can’t believe it was rape. Does this fit the definition of rape? I feel like what happened is my fault. I don’t know if I undressed myself or if he undressed me. I couldn’t make a clear decision in my head about how far I wanted to go. I said no to him kissing my chest and that it made me feel gross and he said that was normal for a guy to do that and kept kissing me. Him making me touch him and putting his fingers in me made me want to be sick. I couldn’t get my hand back from him. It was like my brain was not taking in what was happening. I’m just really confused. I wanted to kiss him. Earlier in the night I had thought about maybe having sex with him but never told him. I was ok kissing him but hadn’t figured out if I wanted to have sex – I was a virgin. When he started kissing my chest things changed. Even though I was still confused about whether or not I wanted to have sex, I said no to what he was doing. But maybe I wasn’t clear enough. I didn’t leave. I tried to pull my hand away and he wouldn’t let me.
|What happened to you was sexual assault and it was not your fault. It does not matter what you felt or said earlier in the evening. When you told him to stop he should have stopped. You did not cause what happened and are not to blame for it. Continue to work with your counselor to understand the emotions this has caused and to understand that you are not to blame. If you need additional support, you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 for additional support.|
|If a rape kit comes out negative 3 days later after said rape can this person press charges on the person that supposedly raped her?||In a case where sexual assault is suspected law enforcement determines if there is sufficient evidence to forward a case for consideration to the District Attorney’s Office. The District Attorney will then determine whether or not they will prosecute.|
|This is very embarssing to say, I dont know if i was sexually assaulted. me and him had sex a few times but this night i said NO and pushed him away forcely, the twist to the story is he did not put it all the way in so i am confused. I didn’t know if i should be mad at him or what? I felt like what he did was wrong but he wassnt agressive like rapeds that are seen on t.v. he didnt hit me or yell at me. im just confused.||It takes a lot of courage to talk about a sexual assault and I want to commend you for being brave enough to ask for help. Sexual assault is not only rape or forced intercourse; it is any unwanted sexual act. Anytime you say no to a sex act, and your partner continues, that is sexual assault. In a healthy relationship anytime you say no to a sexual act your partner should respect your wishes, regardless of whether or not you consented before. It is also important to remember that everyone experiences sexual assault under different circumstances and violence is not always a factor. It is normal to feel confused, upset or angry about what happened. It is also important to remember that what happened isn’t your fault and you do not have to face this alone. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about the situation and how it made you feel. This can help you to process the emotions you are experiencing, understand the situation, and decide how to best move forward. You can reach a counselor on WEAVE’s confidential 24 hour support and information line anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You may also choose to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.|
When I was about 9 years old and my older brother, 13,
were once in the living room by ourselves watching tv
with our parents in the bedroom. All of a sudden, he told
me to drop my pants, get on my knees and turn around. I
didn’t do it. I didn’t understand, and just told him no.
Then a few seconds passed and I suddenly felt weight on
top of me. I started struggling and he got off of me.
When he got off, I felt like a bad person. We have other
siblings and when they had kids, I would be so afraid. I
still am afraid to this day when he’s with my niece or
nephew alone. I wonder if he has tried to do to them what
he did to me. We are both adults now, and I still don’t
trust him. I feel bad because that was the only time he
ever tried such a thing. I feel like we were children and
he didn’t know any better but he does now and won’t do
that. Is there any chance he could sexually assault any
child now or am I just over reacting to a past
|You experienced a traumatic event and were hurt by someone you trusted. It is normal that this experience still bothers you today. While it’s impossible to know if he has attempted to assault others, his behavior was wrong and you are right to be concerned. You may feel better if you are able to talk about your own experience and your fears with an advocate. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at any time to speak with a trained advocate who can support you. The number is 916.920.2952.|
How do you get into counseling for sexual abuse? How many
times do you meet with a counselor?And what are the
||The first step to accessing counseling services is to attend a walk-in triage session with a counselor. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Sexual assault survivors receive eight sessions of free counseling with additional sessions available via victim witness or private pay (sliding scale).|
I was raped a year ago, today marks the day. how
do I cure my pain? Being raped resulted into me
having a baby.
Recovering from sexual assault takes time. It is completely normal to experience more pain when dates or situations remind us of the rape – like what you are experiencing on the one year anniversary of your assault. This is called triggering. WEAVE can provide you with support including counseling. You can take the first step by attending an in person triage appointment. Our triage services are offered at our Midtown location (1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811) on Tuesdays from 10 am – 1 pm, Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm or at our WEAVE South location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823) on Mondays from 4 pm – 7 pm. In the meantime, please use our 24 hour Support & Information Line if you need to talk with an advocate for support. The number is 916.920.2952.
|Several teenage girls report to a responsible teenage boy (separately) that they gave in to a teenage boy’s sexual demands and feel raped; one has eating disorder before incident and hospitalized for eating disorder after. No complaints files. Teenage boy says, seek help i.e. talk to parents, (no), talk to counselor (didn’t do anything), talk to psychologist (no money). Any suggestions? Fellow peers want to harm the guy (edited for content). Help please…I’m not typically in this kind of situation and am contacting you as a result of talking to my own parents.||A sexual assault can be a very traumatic event, and each survivor will experience the effects of trauma differently. It is understandable that you and your fellow peers are angry, but it is important to help your friends through this trauma without further violence. It is important to understand consent in terms of sexual acts. In California, by state law anyone under age 18 cannot consent to any sexual act. If you are pressured or coerced into participating in a sexual act that does not mean you consented to it. Supporting a friend who has been sexually assaulted can be very challenging and you are on the right track by reach out for help and suggestions. There are many resources for survivors of sexual assault and for the loved ones who support them. WEAVE offers no cost counseling services (group and individual) as well as free legal assistance to survivors of sexual assault. Your friends may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about their experience and begin the healing process. They may speak to a counselor on the phone, by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 or they may speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am - 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.|
I was recently sexually assaulted by my boyfriends best
friend. I had taken codine cough medicine due to being
sick… I was asleep in our bedroom and my boyfriend
and his friend were hanging out in the living
room drinking beers. My boyfriend passed out on
the couch and his best friend came
into our bedroom and began to do things my boyfriend would do before if he had came to bed, I was half asleep and realized it wasn’t my boyfriend
because his friend had hair on his back and my boyfriend does not. I freaked out woke up my boyfriend and the best friend ran. I feel absolutely disgusted and can’t even begin to explain what this has done to me mentally. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life and my boyfriend too. My boyfriend has known him since diapers and we trusted himcompletely. I pressed charges and did everything legally & medically that one does for a sexual assault. This is not something that happens everyday and it has really taken a toll on my boyfriend and I psychologically. Its been hard to go to bed at night in our room, go about our days normally, be sexual, and
sleep at night. What are some things we can do to help us get through this?
How do you come to realization?
|Survivors of sexual assault, and their loved ones, often need support and resources in order to heal. As with any traumatic event the emotional scars can be worse than the physical and everyone will recover in a different way and at a different pace. It is important for you both to know that neither of you is responsible for what happened. The assault was not your fault and you do not have to face this alone. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors and their significant others to help you both find ways to heal on your own and together as a couple. In order to get started you may attend a free triage session, where you will individually sit down with a counselor for an assessment. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. You may also wish to speak with a counselor over the phone by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952|
|My husband raped me 2 years ago. When it happened I was in total shock because my husband was drunk and high (off weed) and was acting in a way that was completely opposite his behavior. Afterward, I experienced confusion, anger, and disbelief. He was under the influence, so I wasn’t sure if he actually remembered what he did. I confronted him the next morning and he said it didn’t happen. The minute he said that, I believed that he remembered what he did; but was in denial. I didn’t bring it up again; but buried everything that I was feeling. I guess I wasn’t ready to deal with it. Fast forward to a few months ago. I now have a 1 year old daughter and i start to have flashbacks. When this starts happening, I accept that my husband raped me and start thinking “I need to heal from this”. I confornted my husband and he said that he doesn’t remember doing that. He is so shocked, he starts talking about killing himself. Then he says that he wants to really work on our marriage; but if I choose to leave he would understand and would not fight me on it. I’m conflicted right now. We have been married a total of 10 years w/two kids and I still love him, even after the rape. I don’t want to break up our family by divorcing him; but at the same time I’m not sure that we can work on our marriage. The sex alone would not happen now as I can’t even stand for him to touch me at all. Sex is dirty to me now and I don’t enjoy it at all. Men need to have sex and that is one thing that I cannot provide. Also, I still don’t know how to heal from this. What do I do? Please help me.||Healthy relationships are built on trust, and once that trust is violated it can be difficult rebuild. Intoxication is never an excuse for hurting a loved one. The feelings you are experiencing are normal and part of what is called Rape Trauma Syndrome. As we heal we face many obstacles but it is important to know you do not have to face them alone. Reaching out for help is a very brave step and there are resources to help you overcome this trauma. It is important to focus on healing on your own, and coping with the assault in healthy ways, before you can move forward in your marriage. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either on the phone or in person, for support. WEAVE’s phone counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also attend a free triage session and speak face to face with one of our counselors. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.|
|Hello. This will be a difficult question and I need your full cooperation. First of all. This morning my close friend who is a girl, the age of 16 and Pakistani was touched inapporiately by her father. She’s confided in me and I’m trying my best to help her out in every way I can. The thing is in Pakistani culture girls are usually demeaned and belittled. I begged her to file a police report but she won’t budge because she’s worried about her family’s reputation. Worst of all if she tells her other and they confront her father they might just see it as a misunderstanding and they’ll just send her back to Pakistan and get her married to silence her forever. Idk what to do. If she does contact the NYPD and they arrest her father than her mother just might turn against her and send her to Pakistan. Are there any organizations with controlled settings that can make it easier for her? And she’s only 16 and Pakistani. This is in New York City. Please respond asap. I need your help.||First, I want to thank you for believing your friend and supporting her through this trauma. It sounds like your friend is facing a very difficult situation with her family and she may benefit from speaking to a counselor to discover the options and resources she has. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Region, our friends at RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are available to her 24 hours a day. She may call their confidential hotline at 800.656.4673. You may also call to learn ways to support your friend while taking care of yourself.|
|ok i have gone to the police on this one my uncle sexually screwed me from the age of 4 to 11 and he totally sexuallay terroized my poor cuzs from 3 up help||Survivors recovering from trauma can face many obstacles as they heal. Contacting law enforcement is an important first step in protecting yourself as well as other family members who may be affected by abuse. You may also find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either on the phone or in person, to process the complex emotions you are facing. If you are in the greater Sacramento region you may call WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line for resources at 916.319.4907. If you are outside of this region our friends at RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) may be able to assist you in locating services closer to you. You may reach RAINN by calling 800.656.4673|
|Hi, I am sixteen, I live in Ireland, and I have reported my father for sexual assault a couple of months go. I haven’t seen him since last January, and I thankfully never ever will again. The only thing is is that my half-brother and stepsister who I really love and miss so much live with my father, and I haven’t seen them since January also. Since I will never talk to my father again, I can’t see my siblings, but I was wondering if there were any way possible for me to get custody, or a time for me to spend with them every week, once they still want to see me.||First, I would like to commend you for your bravery in coming forward and reporting the abuse. There is no excuse for the trauma you have endured. While WEAVE is located in the U.S. you do have options and resources available to you in Ireland that may be able to answer your legal questions as well as offer counseling services. Please know that you are not alone and support is available. The Rape Crisis Network of Ireland has a 24 Hour Help Line which can be reached by calling 1800 77 88 88 or you may visit them online at http://www.rcni.ie/find-help.aspx|
|I can recall some flashbacks of a teacher’s assistant being too nice to me, or me falling in love with him. (Edited for length and content) I am a female and this probably happened when I was in kindergarten-2nd grade. I can’t get myself to associate any of these flashbacks to my school life in elementary. Also is this seen a lot or rarely?||Memories of trauma or abuse can often burden a survivor, especially if the memories are vague or unclear. You may have experienced a sexual assault and it may be helpful for you to speak to a counselor about the flashbacks you are having. You may access WEAVE’s counseling services by stopping by one of two locations during specific triage hours. Triage is a free assessment with a counselor in person. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Additional resources can also be found by contacting a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952|
i love my girlfriend of 6 months. I want to grow our relationship into marriage. I’m concerned about her past, and how she handles conflict resolution. I can not cure her, but support her. I love this beautiful woman and want us to both be healthy now and in our future. She gets very aggressive towards me “just get over it she says”. It seems she gets aggressive, so not to show her vulnerability. the first 2-3 months when drinking she would say, dont judge me, dont leave me, I dont fit in your family or your life”. She has learned to trust me and she openly says she Loves me. A huge step as she has only said this and felt thid towards 2 others in her life. she is in her 40s is a successful mom, career, and loves people/life! I understand she did not have parental support as a child and was put into sexual abusive situation by her parents. Never told she was loved. She even said I found molesters cared more about me than my parents. She understands they preyed and groomed her because her parents would not protect her. (Edited for length and content) I know she has been in many bad relationships physical and dangerous sexual relationships. When she drinks to much she gets overly friendly with other men. I come from a failed marriage that my ex-wife cheated on me, its something I can not do again. She agreed to control her urges/boundries when drinking. She was horribly molested/raped as a child. She openly talks about it with me, and even jokes about it. She has done counseling but I am afraid she needs more help? (Edited for length and content) I believe in counseling and have had great success for myself. This woman I am dating believes in it also. My question is how do I support her? What do I do with the horrible molestation stories she shares? (She lived it but its all new to me it rips me apart sometimes.) Is there a support group for partners of children who have been molested? I know we need to discuss our future and lay our cards on the table. Is there resources I can suggest if she wants more help for herself?
|It is often difficult for family and loved ones to support a survivor of sexual abuse. The memories and feeling associated with the abuse can last a lifetime and survivors require a solid support system and healthy coping skills to heal. Learning how you can support your girlfriend is an important step towards a healthier relationship. Healthy relationships consist of mutual respect and both partners working together. If counseling has worked to help her cope with this trauma in the past she may benefit from seeing a counselor again or you may both benefit from talking to someone outside of the relationship. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn how to support your girlfriend you can call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or come to one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite “I”) on Mondays between 4:00 p.m and 7:00 p.m.|
|I was molested from when I was 7 to 11. I waited to long to tell because I live in a christian household and thought I would go to hell. Now that I am 16 I am a lesbian. Why is it that I’m gay because of what happend to me. Why would somebody do that. Its not right I’m not normal and my parents don’t accept me I don’t understand.||Often survivors of sexual assault who are youth do not feel safe in telling adults in their lives that they have been sexually abused. The feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment stay with a survivors many years after the abuse stops. To speak with someone about the sexual abuse you experienced and to start the healing process by talking to a counselor at WEAVE’s 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. The questions you have about being a lesbian and how that relates to your abuse is another topic that you can gain additional support from knowledgeable counselors. One local agency you might consider speaking to is the Sacramento Gay and Lesbian Community Center, and their phone number is 916.442.0185.|
|For a long period of time, I have been haunted by flashes of early childhood memories of abuse. I have been afraid of asking questions of my family members for fear of being rejected or blamed for what I seem to remember.||First, the message board site is secure and all questions are posted completely anonymously. The memories and feelings of being abused last a lifetime for survivors. When survivors choose to talk about their memories and feelings with others it is an opportunity to continue the healing from the abuse. Family members of a survivor are often not comfortable with the topic, and are not prepared to respond with support and understanding. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn how to approach your family with your questions you can call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
I should have never lied down on that bed with my dad. I
was tired. It was the first night we got to our new
places we just rented. I wanted to stay the night with
my mom who was there already there at the place she set up
for her and dad. My mom was in the bed too, my body hurt
and she told me to lay on the floor for the night. I was
crying from all the stress and discomfort. I curled up in
between the two of them in bed with my back facing him. I
remember awaking, he had touched me and it was with his
penis. He had his penis on my back. I know what a penis
feels like; from previous boyfriends and he rubbed it
against my lower back. I rolled over to feel nothing
and immediatly escaped into sleep. Now, a month
later, I have a red welt where and EXACTLY where he did/had
rubbed up against me. Does this mean I could
have herpes, warts, an std? I just wanted to forget about
it but now I am not so sure I have an std. I don’t
want to press charges. I just want
to have it tested, but I am just scared. I forgot about it, when it happened,
but what a bad reminder when I saw the sore… He pays for everything. I
cannot let my mom know about this or I will get kicked out on the street. Can
I go get tested without anyone knowing or pressing charges for the incident?
|The emotions you are feeling are normal, and only your dad is responsible for what happened. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you at our 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Including seeing your primary medical provider, there are other low cost agencies that we can refer you to on the 24Hour Support and Information Line. Remember you did not cause the assault, and you are not to blame for what happened to you.|
when i was 13 5 guys broke into my house and forced me to have sex with them. i had called the police right away and they had done a rape it and made me do multiple reports it has been 4 years now and i haven’t heard anything about this and i either want some kind of justice or atleast want all the stuff that csi took from my room is there any way weave can help me get all this stuff back and recieve couciling because the last year i’ve had horrible nightmares and my boyfriend says i wake up screaming now i know that most of the time the police never give anyhitng back but it has been 4 years and the detective hasnt calle me or anything and these guys live in my nieghorhood and i gave them descriptions and i even found there names and told the cops and they have donenothing.is there anything i can do i know my nightmares will never go away fully i now am trying to use dream catches which work every once and a while but idk what i should do?
|For all evidence held in which a person has been arrested/cited, law enforcement must receive a District Attorney confirmation that the case is closed on all defendants. In some cases, the District Attorney may not release items immediately, pending further investigation or appeals. Law enforcement also must receive a detective release on all assigned cases. So, depending on the status of your case the DA’s Office may not have notified law enforcement to released your items. You might want to follow up with the DA’s Office to learn the status of your case. The healing process from a sexual assault may be life-long. WEAVE offers in-person counseling for survivors of sexual assault, and counseling for significant others (counseling for your boyfriend so he can express his feelings, and learn how to support you). To start the process either call WEAVE’s 24- hour Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, or come to one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite “I”) on Mondays between 4:00 p.m and 7:00 p.m.|
|Yesterday, I received my first professional massage from a licensed male masseur at a local business. I am a gay male, and the masseur happened to also be a gay male. (Post edited for length and content) The massage business sent me a survey this morning, and I gave them my honest opinion, and said that I felt sexually assaulted. It’s been on my mind all day, and I am feeling a lot of guilt, sadness, and don’t know what I should do now. I feel a strong urge to tell my Boyfriend, but I am afraid he will demand that I report the incident to the police, and I am not sure if I want to do that or not. One of my friends told me that I should file a police report, send a letter to the better business bureau, and hire an attorney. My head is spinning now, and all I really want to do is forget this ever happened. I feel angry about it, and unsure of whether this was indeed a sexual assault, or if I am partial to blame? I could really use some advice right now.||Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity and what happened to you is not your fault. Regardless of the conversation or your physical reactions, a professional massage therapist should never engage in sexual touching as part of a legitimate massage. You were in a situation where you were vulnerable and the massage therapist took advantage of this and violated professional responsibilities. His actions were wrong and his efforts to shift responsibility to you are unacceptable. The emotions you are feeling are normal. It is good that you have supportive friends you can talk with. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you if you wish to talk with a therapist. You can call our Business Line at 916.448.2321 to schedule an intake appointment. If you find you need support sooner, our 24 hour Support & Information Line is always a resource – 916.920.2952. In regards to filing a police report, you clearly have mixed feelings about the matter which are understandable and choosing not to report does not make the assault any less real – WEAVE is here to support you regardless of your choice to report. You may also want to consider reporting his conduct to the state licensing board and to his employer. It is likely this individual has assaulted other clients or will in the future. Please remember you did not cause the assault and you are not to blame for what happened to you.|
|My family has this tradition that all of the women get married before they turn 19 years old. At my brother’s wedding when i was 16 years old my brother’s best friend almost raped me. While my parents wanted the tradition to continue through me they knew i wouldn’t follow the tradition and when i was told about the tradition when i was 13 my brothers and i were appalled. My father offered my brother’s best friend a large sum of cash to have sex with me so that for propriety i would have to marry him. I had a never ending supply of soda and it wasnt until he took me to his hotel room and how relaxed i felt that i realized what was going on. I started screaming and my brothers and brothers-in-law came running and beat the guy until he was unconcious, but by the time they had gotten into the room he had ripped my clothes off and hit me several times to try and get me to be quiet. My parents wouldnt let me call the cops and when i talked to the people at school they lied to them and said it was just my imagination because i had been with them the entire duration of my brother’s wedding reception. That was almost four years ago. I told my best friend who is a guy about it last night because he can’t figure out why i don’t date. I trusted him so i told him what happened and he told me that he didn’t believe me because he was sick and tired of teen girls going to him with sob stories of parental abuse and attempted rape and that if i was serious about it to lift my skirt and prove it. I started crying and he dumped me off on the side of the road in the middle of town and hasn’t talked to me since. I tried to talk to my female best friend about it and all she does is apologize for everything. She knew about the attempted rape and her parents took me in after the fact and helped me get therapy and everything. I’m 19 almost 20 years old now and my best friend who i also thought I was in love with wont even talk to me anymore and i don’t know what to do.||I am sorry to hear about the assault that occurred at the wedding. What is also disappointing and upsetting is the response of both your parents and the male friend that you trusted. Instead of believing you, and supporting you through the healing process, it sounds like those around you were not willing to focus on your needs. Sadly, survivors of sexual assaults often not only deal with the trauma from the assault, but also deal with loved-one’s responses to an assault. As you reached out to others, it seems that they did not have the insight to support you as you needed. Fortunately resources are available to assist you in a nonjudgmental, supportive, and caring way. WEAVE has trained counselors that may be able to provide the services you are still seeking. To learn more about our sexual assault counseling services please contact the Support and information Line at916.920.2952.|
A night of drinking with some friends (all under 21) got
the attention of the guys next door (all over 21). I
don’t know about the other girls’ details but 2 of them
asked me for sex and when I said no, they continued to
encourage until I gave in. I was extremely intoxicated. I
felt horrible after that night and always blamed myself
for several reasons; drinking under age, allowing them
into the apartment, not standing my ground,
Recognizing that what happened to you was rape is an important step in moving past the blame and shame you have carried. You may find that talking with a counselor is beneficial, as well. If you live in the Sacramento region, WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling – to learn more call the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live elsewhere, the Support Line advocate can provide you with referrals. In regards to the statute of limitations for prosecuting the crime – it will depend on where you live. Contacting the District Attorney’s Office is a first step to learning if filing charges is still an option.
|i fingered my sister she said she forgives me but i still feel like a failure and a evil person. I somtimes have sucidial thouhts about because it is so bad. What should i do?||Taking responsibility for sexual assaulting another person is a big step. The next step that could be helpful to you is talking to a professional about your actions and learning how not to repeat them. Having feelings of remorse and shame reflect that you know your actions were harmful to your sister, but if those feeling cause you to think about harming yourself, then speaking to a counselor at Suicide Prevention Crisis Line at 916.368.3111 is a great option. WEAVE’s counselors can also provide both you and your sister resources at WEAVE’s Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
I was sexually abused from age 10 to 14 by my aunts
boyfriend who was suppose to be my father figure. He
did everything to me I can imagine. I’m 19 now and
havnt seen him sense I was 14. I just recently told my
aunt. He has also hurt my family with domestic
violence. My aunt and I really want to press charges, is
there still a possible way to? It keeps me up at nights, I
keep thinking of ways of how I could’ve stopped him. My
aunt has assured me
over and over again it’s not my fault. But I can seem to help think that.
|Your aunt is correct, the only person that is responsible for the sexual abuse that happened is only your aunt’s boyfriend. Though you might blame yourself, feel guilty, and even responsible, it was the choice our your aunt’s boyfriend to be abusive. Continuing to talk with others about your experiences is a good way to continue the healing process. Exploring the option of reporting the assaults to law enforcement and learning more about the process of criminal charges being pressed against him can help you decide your next step. You can contact the District Attorney’s Office, or your local law enforcement to learn more. You may also choose to contact WEAVE’s 24 Support and Information Line for additional information, support, and details about our services at 916.920.2952.|
I would like to donate/drop off clothing to a local office.
I live in zip code 95765; please advise where I can do
so, and obtain a receipt for my
donation of womens clothing. Thank you.
WEAVE accepts donations of clothing and small housewares at
our WEAVE Thrift Arden thrift store at 2401 Arden Way.
Donation hours are Sunday: Noon to 3 pm
Monday – Saturday: 10 am to 3 pm. All donors receive a receipt which meets IRS requirements for claiming a deductible donation at the time of the donation.
Do I have the right to file charges since the last incident was so long ago? And if it’s not too late to file charges, how easy and/or difficult would it be to find him guilty? My ex-husband has raped me multiple times and said he raped others. He used to rape me almost on a nightly basis after we divorced, but got back together and were a live-in couple and I believe I may have been drugged during these incidents. (edited for length and content). We finally called it quits in 2005; however, the last incident was in 2011. I didn’t call the police or file charges because I’m afraid of him and he knew where I lived. I recently moved and would like to know now if I have the right to file charges.
|Most crimes have a statute of limitations. To find out the statute for the crimes you are considering reporting to law enforcement, it would be best to speak to the local law enforcement agency that would have had jurisdiction (based on where you were living when the assaults occurred) or the District Attorney’s Office who would prosecute your case. The District Attorney’s Office has victim advocates that can explain the process, and be a supportive of you if you decide to through the process. You may also qualify for a Temporary Restraining Order which would forbid him from contacting you and offer you legal options if he continues to stalk and harass you. WEAVE offers both telephone, and in-person counseling to assist you in the healing process. We will support you with the decision you make that is best for you, and provide tools for your healing from the assaults. To find out more about WEAVE services, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
I was sexually assaulted a year ago. When it happened I did not have insurance and went to a local hospital and from there I was referred to a different hospital to do a rape kit and other tests. It was there that I received pamphlets about WEAVE and what you guys stand for. I did not and currently still do not have insurance. The first hospital I went to sent me a bill home for a large amount of money that I can not afford to pay. I googled online and saw that I can petition with the State of California victims assistance program and they declined my application, saying that I was uncooperative with law enforcement. (I was not uncooperative, I gave them a full statement and made a report. I just did not want to press charges at this time.) I have now been sent to debt collections. Is there any financial assistance other than the State that can help me?
|You may still be eligible for Victim Witness assistance. As with any violent crime, the decision to prosecute is not the victim’s but rather the District Attorney’s Office and you indicate you provided a statement to law enforcement. We recommend recontacting a Victim Witness advocate locally and appealing the denied claim. Please know this can be a lengthy process. If you would like additional support and options, please contact our 24-Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
My fiance was sexually assaulted by a woman (my fiance’s male) and he tried speaking out. he was pretty much told that he’s lying and to shut up. he’s having a hard time dealing with this, and i’m looking for someplace he can get help. are men welcome at weave if they’ve been assaulted themselves?
Overcoming the impact of sexual assault is difficult for all survivors. As your fiance knows, male victims face distinct challenges. Many are not believed and do not receive the support they deserve and need. WEAVE knows that sexual assault can happen to anyone. Your fiance can access counseling at WEAVE in a respectful environment that meets his needs. To start counseling, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 or attend a walk in Triage appointment at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
|My friend told me that my husband has been raping me. I know what rape is, and he doesn’t get angry if I agree to what he wants. So I do. Two weeks ago i told him that I didn’t want to, but he wasn’t very happy, so I dont tell him that anymore. Please tell her that he not rapeing me||Sexual assault occurs whenever one person engages in sex with another person, when the other person does not want to. Sexual assaults can be from stranger, family members, acquaintance, dates, and partners. The perpetrator doesn’t need a weapon to meet the legal definition of sexual assault. When one person indicates they do not want to engage in a sex act (the person doesn’t even need to say the word “no”), the other person must not try to coerce, threaten, or force some do do something they do not want to do. To learn more about both the legal definition of sexual assault, and about services WEAVE offers, contact WEAVE’s Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
When I has 5 I was sexually assulted by my grandmas boyfriend. I didnt tell anyone until I was 9, but when someone came to my house to question me I told them that he never touched anything but he tried to. I dont know why I lied, I was young. Now I am almost 16 years old and I think about what happened to me all the time. What should I do? I really hate this man for what he has done to me, is there anything I can do to make him pay for what he has done to me? Also this subject is really tabboo in my house, we havent talked about it since it happened. Im nervous to bring it up.
|The memories and feelings of being sexually assaulted last a lifetime for survivors. When survivors choose to talk about their memories and feelings with others it is an opportunity to continue the healing from the abuse. Often friends and family members of a survivor are not comfortable with the topic, and are not prepared to respond with support and understanding. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and the survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn what legal options you have please call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
Do you do some kind of support group for rape victims? If so where is it? I live in sac county
|WEAVE offers counseling for survivors of sexual assault and we can also provide referrals to other counseling options in Sacramento County. To learn more, please contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 for more information.|
Hi, I’m a 19 year old male, and I’ve recently had a discussion with my father. He revealed to me, that my grandfather, who I trusted completely, is a child molester. My father was sexually abused when he was a child. After about 6 months of knowing this information, I’ve been obsessing about it, and I’m not sure, but I think my grandfather may have fondled me when I was young. I don’t have any SPECIFIC memories, but I just have this feeling that he may have touched me, or made me touch him. How do I know if this is true? I don’t want to confront my grandfather, because I’m not sure it happened, and he doesn’t know that I know he’s an abuser.
|It was very brave of your father to disclose to you what many sexual assault survivors keep secret. By your father talking with you about his experience, it allowed you to think about your experiences with your grandfather. Sometimes survivors of sexual abuse recall the abuse only after many years have passed, and even then memories may seem “fuzzy” when recalled. Before speaking to your grandfather you might consider speaking to a counselor about you the feelings and concerns that you have about your grandfather’s actions towards your father, and possibly you too. WEAVE has a 24 hour Support & Information Line you can call if you need support and to get information about counseling. 916.920.2952.|
I was recently told by a District Attorney that my case is not “clear enough” to prosecute . . . He says he believes me, but I feel like he thinks I’m lying. I was seen at a hospital and did report to the police within hours. I feel like the system is siding with a rapist, while I have to sit here and feel like I must have “asked for it.”!!!
|Always remember the assault was not your fault. Even if the DA’s office opts to not prosecute, it does not mean they do not believe you. Law enforcement & the DA’s Office work towards a common goal to hold perpetrators responsible and for the survivor receive justice. The standards to prosecute are specific and not always consistent with what feels fair. We know survivors may feel re-victimized by the legal system. You can not control the legal process, but you can control how you respond. WEAVE has trained counselors to help with the “emotional roller-coaster” you are experiencing and can help you express the justifiable anger you are feeling. You can take the first step by calling our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
Is it normal if your parents walk around naked knowing you’re uncomfortable with it? [Explicit content.] So i just want to know if this is wrong or not, because i feel like it is and i have depression/ see i psychiatrist but i can’t get up the nerve to tell him about it.
Anything of a sexual nature that is not consensual is not acceptable, no matter your age when this behavior occurred. Because you were a child and the offenders were your parents would make it even more confusing for you, I’m sure. It is important to remember that you are not at fault for any of this abusive behavior. You may contact our 24 hour Support Line at (916) 920-2952 for information and support regarding sexual assault services or the National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1-800-799-7233 to access a counselor for information and support. They can also provide information regarding agencies in your area that can provide counseling related to this issue.
|A man raped my baby sister… [explicit content]. She says she’s fine and she refuses to press charges. She says she just wants to forget about it and move on and even if she did press charges the chances of a conviction would be slim. She doesn’t want to go through a trial… What do I do? I can’t talk to anyone about this, and I’ve tried to deal with the anger but it just won’t go away. What course of action should I take?||It sounds like you are in a lot of pain right now. Your feelings are understandable and very normal. Rape is a traumatic experience and there is no single “right” way to respond to it. It is okay to be angry and to have strong feelings about what happened to your sister. It might be beneficial for you to speak with someone. Please consider calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952. It is completely confidential and trained advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to listen, provide support and also can also provide you with various services and referrals. WEAVE provides free short-term counseling to family members of victims of assault. You can come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, and additional resources.|
|I was Gang Raped when I was 13 years old and never told anyone because one of the Men was a neighbor of my best friend whom lived 5 houses from mine. They threatened to hurt my family and kill me for telling what they did . I never spoke out until recently on my second marriage to a sweet , kind and soft man. I was wondering if I could get help through weave even though it was almost 20 years ago? My parents still live around the neighborhood where I was Raped and the man whom lived buy us and kind of was the leader I say this because it was his house and he lured me over promising my best friend was at his house. When he saw me as I got older he would make it a point to wave or try and get my attention. I have been through a horrible marriage where I was beaten and Assaulted Sexually and verbally for over 7 years. I deal with panic attacks and have triggers that are horrible. I hide in my closet when someone whom is male and Black comes to my door. This has gone on for years and I need help. I have attempted suicide by pills many times over the last 20years recently about 3 years ago and spent time in a Hospital. I actually have tried other times more recent but woke up ashamed it failed or even that I tried. I have been seeing a Psyciatrist but the amount of pills I take is unreal can someone help I feel I need to talk to another Woman my Husband tries to help but I find it hard to tell him everything. Please help and tell me if Weave can help.||Thank you for reaching out. You are not alone. It is great that you are able to identify that you are in of additional support right now. It is never too late to begin the healing process! WEAVE offers a variety of supportive services from individual counseling to support groups at no cost to sliding scale. In order to receive further support and resources, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained advocates are available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week and can provide you with emotional support, information about WEAVE programs and referrals. We know the support and information line can get busy during certain times of day. If possible, call after 4:00 PM and please be patient with us. You may also come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, and additional resources.|
|I am a victim of rape, and I was being seen at a sacramento location, and was wondering if there was a way to find out the name of my counselor, because she was moved to another state, yet, she is the one who helped me the most. I am having a very hard time right now, and could really use someone to talk with. Can anyone help me out? I am coming up on a hard part of the year, and do not believe I can get through this without being able to tell all too.||It is wonderful that you are aware and able to identify that you are in of additional support right now. Surviving and healing from an assault is a process. If your previous counselor moved away, it might be helpful to try seeing someone new. Please consider calling WEAVE’s business line at 916.448.2321 to reconnect with services.|
|I am concerned about my friend. She told me a horrible story about drinking and meeting a group of young men that raped her and then took her stuff. She did blackout that night. I think she is in denial about what happened to her she says she is very angry but she doesn’t know where to put her anger. She has started isolating herself and I found her recently alone at a bar very drunk. Since she is in denial she doesn’t think going to weave or talking to anybody will help. I don’t know what I can do for her right now. Any suggestions please. Thank you.||Rape is a very traumatic experience and there is no single “right” way to respond. It sounds like your friend isn’t quite sure how to deal with the feelings she is having right now and that can be very frustrating to watch. Support is available to her, and you as well. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952 anytime to receive support and learn more about services WEAVE offers. While it may be frustrating for you and those around her, your friend must be make the decision on her own to start dealing with the assault. It is important she knows there are people around her who care about her and support her no matter what. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line is also available to you as a concerned friend.|
|my granddaughter is four years old she talks about sex all day. shes afraid of the police cause daddy went to jail for hitting mommy. its so much more to tell what this only four year old child is going thru mom said she feel sorry for him and plans to go back with abusive man who is doing something to her daughter thats not his the younger one is she talk sexual but dont display sexual activities like her sister||It sounds like you are in a very challenging situation. Any concerns or suspicions of childhood sexual abuse should be reported to the 24 Hour Child Abuse Hotline: (916) 875-5437 (875-KIDS). You can also call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to receive support.|
|I AM A 25 YEARS OLD FEMALE, AND I WAS RAPED WHEN I WAS 13. I HAD BEEN REALLY SCARED TO SPEAK UP AND TELL ANYONE. I RECENTLY TOLD MY HUSBAND AND WE WANT TO AT LEAST REGISTER THIS PERSON AS A SEX OFFENDER, OR DO AS MUCH AS WE CAN TO HAVE HIM PAY THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS HORRIBLE ACTION. HOW DO WE DO THIS? IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO SINCE ITS BEEN MORE THAN 10 YEARS? PLEASE HELP||Thank you for reaching out. You can contact law enforcement and they will let you know if you can still make a report. It is wonderful that you are seeking support. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of sexual assault. You can learn more about WEAVE services, support groups and options by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. You may come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.|
|I don’t know what to do! I was pushed up against my car by a guy in old Roseville and was touched places I didn’t want to be touched. And now everytime I close my eyes I relive it. I can’t seem to forget but it. And I’ve been really depressed. What do I do?||What you are feeling is normal. You are not alone and WEAVE is here for you. Please consider calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. A trained advocate can provide emotional support as well as connect you with WEAVE services and resources, if you are interested. They are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.|
|It’s been years since… It happened and it’s destroying my life. I never told anyone and I’m laying here next to my snoring Gf at 3 am shaking. I can’t work I have panic attacks. Where do I go for help, it’s got to get better||Thank you for reaching out. That is the first step! You are not alone. We are here to help. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I need to find a free sexual assault support group near me.. (Citrus Heights or nearby Sacramento). Can you help me find one?||WEAVE offers sexual assault support groups. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options and resources. You may come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am - 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.|
|I was Rapped when i was 14 years old i will be 16 next month. My parents know and we have contacted the police. I waited to long to tell my parents because i was scared to talk about it and i didnt want them to know i was drinking. When my parents had found out it was to late for me..the guy had gotten away with it. a coupel months later i was jumped by a group of guys for “Snitching’ i have never seen these guys before is there anything i can do…. I really want to talk to other people about what i went through and what has made me stronger and also to listen to other peoples storys.. please help thankyou||It can be an empowering decision to decide to tell someone safe about a sexual assault and telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offeres a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I am in need of sexual assault counseling, but I work out of town and am not able to make it to the triage times. What can I do?||WEAVE offers triage on Wednesdays from 4pm to 7pm to meet the needs of individuals working until 5pm. If that does not work for you then WEAVE can offer you referrals to other agencies who may offer counseling at later times. For referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|My niece was raped and beaten this last April. She is now very provacative. How do get her to understand she needs help?||Rape is a traumatic experience to which there is no single “right” way to respond. It is important that your niece know that support is available to her. She can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952 anytime to receive support and learn more about our services. WEAVE can also offer her counseling when she is ready. While it may be frustrating for you and those around her, your niece knows best when she is ready to seek additional assistance in dealing with the assault. It is important she knows there are people around her who care about her and support her. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line is also available to you as a concerned family member. You, too, can call it at anytime to talk with a trained counselor about how best to support your niece.|
|Was gang-raped 15 years ago, got a ton of counseling, live a happy life, but still terrified of the dark. Will it ever change?||The feelings of fear may or may not totally go away, however, it is most common that they will diminish greatly. Sometimes anniversaries and life events can re-trigger memories and symptoms. If this is continues to be bothering you, perhaps it is time to check back in with a qualified therapist. You may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line for emotional support and referrals.|
|how do i know if i was raped?||Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. For emotional support and resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|Need to leave abusive bf i need a place to move to i hav two evictions cant find a place to help.but hav a job.and the money.||The WEAVE Safehouse may be an option for you. To access WEAVE services and/or for referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|How old do the parties have to be for sexual assualt/rape to be considerd.Specificly,17 yr old male & 15 yr female?||In the state of California, Unlawful Sexual Intercourse, commonly known at Statutory Rape, states the minimum age someone must be to have sex is 18. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. There is no age limitation for rape/sexual assault. is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sexual act, it is sexual assault. If you have been sexually assaulted it is very important that you seek medical attention as soon as possible for several reasons: -To treat any injuries. -To check for possible pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. -To collect evidence for a criminal case. For emotional support and resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|how important is it to tell someone if you were raped? even if it happened a long time ago.||It is an empowering decision to decide to tell someone about a sexual assault. It is an important factor in what makes you who you are now and the experiences you’ve had. If you find you are having difficulties in your relationships (romantic or otherwise) due to your sexual assault, it might be liberating to tell others about it and share your story. Telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. For emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
|My daughter says she was raped 10 years ago at age 9 by an older boy at a friends house. Do you have help for something that old||Your daughter may be experiencing post traumatic stress disorder. This is very common with sexual assault survivors. WEAVE provides counseling and support services for survivors of sexual assault. Please have your daughter call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to access counseling services.|
|I was sexaul Assault by my brother-in-law three different times. We are a close family so I see him all the time. what can i do||Surviving sexual assault is a challenging journey. When you have been assaulted by someone you know and must continue to see, it can make the journey even more difficult. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to offer you support and insight. The number is 916.920.2952. You may also want to schedule an initial meeting with a WEAVE Counselor to determine if individual or group counseling may be beneficial to you. WEAVE’s counselors understand the challenges every survivor faces and are here to help with understanding the many emotions you may feel and to help you stay safe while working through the many emotions you feel. You can request information about the counseling process by calling the Support and Information Line. WEAVE is here to support you in whatever way you feel is best at this time and will remain here for you if your needs change in the future.|
|What should I do since my case was dropped without my okay with it?||It appears that your case may be a criminal case; however WEAVE would need more details. If it is a criminal case call the DA’s office at 916.876.6171. If this is a family law or domestic violence restraining order case call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916.319.4905. For Support and Information about WEAVE services and your situation call 916.920.2952.|
|i was drugged and now im so confused can you really help me. i cant go to the police can i get help without having to make repor||Whether or not you report the assault to law enforcement, it is important to get checked out medically for any injuries, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases. WEAVE Advocates are available to you on the 24-Hour Support and Information Line for support and will not judge you. An Advocate can provide you with options and emotional support. The Support and Information Line is 916.920.2952.|
|i was 18, he was 16 and sexually assaulted me- he’s my brother, what can i do?||You are not alone. WEAVE offers counseling services that may help you during this difficult time. To receive counseling services and for support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|My son-in-law sexually assaulted me 4 times in 2 years. I finally told my daughter and she doesn’t believe me. What do i do?||It is important to know that the assault was not your fault and to make sure you are creating a support system for yourself. Unfortunately, your daughter may not be capable of being part of that support system at this time. It is common for family members to be in disbelief when they know the perpetrator. WEAVE offers services to help you in creating the support system. When you are ready, WEAVE can offer counseling that can help you build coming skills and provide support for healing. You also have access to WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line by calling 916.920.2952. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help.|
|Every Sunday my husband wants sex. He does what he wants to my body. I stay silent. I don’t want to. Is this sexual abuse?||If your partner minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex and/or forces you to perform unwanted sex acts this is considered sexual abuse. You deserve to be in a relationship where your feelings and wants are respected. Love should not hurt. WEAVE offers an Educational Workshop about domestic violence, sexual assault and WEAVE’s crisis intervention and counseling services on Mondays from 5:45-7:30 PM and Fridays from 11:45 AM- 1:30 PM. For support and more information please call the 24 Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I know a student has been sexully assaulted on a high school campus. The school has yet to notify parents of this situation.||Sexual assaults on campus are frightening for students and parents alike. School policy will dictate how and when parents are notified. If you know the student who was the victim of the assault, please encourage her to seek support to deal with the impact of the assault. WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line is available to the student, her family and friends by calling 916.920.2952.|
|It’s been 20 years since I was raped. I have to deal with it. Can you help?||It is good you are seeking help. Surviving a rape - regardless of how long ago – is a process and WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of sexual assault. You can learn more about the counseling options and request a counseling appointment by contacting our 24 hour Crisis & Information Line at 916.920.2952. The 24 hour Crisis Line is also a support system for you to use anytime you need to talk about the assault and its impact on your life.|
|im a victim of a recent gang sexual assult.Im being threatend by them.Cops arent helping.I have no money to move away.Help???||You are not a alone and WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers many services that can assist you. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to obtain information about Victim Witness and about our services. A Crisis Line Counselor will be able to provide emotional support and referrals.|
|a man 26 years older than me pressured me to be on the phone while he played with himself i feel violated was i?||You have every right to feel violated. It is a form of sexual assault if he is forcing you to do something without your consent. Please call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and more information about WEAVE services.|
|I told him I didn’t want sex at the beginning of the night, but he kept on pushing; I gave in the next morning. Is it assault?||It is sexual assault when you tell him once that you do not want to have sex. At that point, he is required by law to immediately stop what he is doing. Submission does not mean consent. For more support and information, you may call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|45 yr old male molested a 2 yr old 33 yrs ago when he was 12 years old.Minor is an adult now,No current child danger.Reportable?||The incident is not reportable to Child Protective Services because the survivor is over the age of 18. You may contact law enforcement and they will let you know if they can make an incident report. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and support.|
|A friend of mine was raped is this the best place for her to seek help?||First let your friend know the rape is not their fault and that they are not alone. WEAVE offers individual counseling for sexual assault survivors. Your friend may talk with a triage counselor on the Crisis Line to decide what programs and options are best for them. WEAVE’s Crisis Line is 916.920.2952.|
|I have a girl that has told me she has been sex. assaulted, but won’t tell. She doesnt want parents to know. Guy has threatened||If you believe this child has been sexually abused, please report it to the authorities so that she may receive help and support. Threats by abusers are common and she can be reassured that she will be protected.|
|What could be done for a 19 year old young lady, who lives at home, and has been assaulted by the father she still lives at home||The survivor may contact law enforcement about the assault. She may also contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and shelter referrals. The Crisis Line will be able to provide information about our Temporary Restraining Order Workshop as well.|
|I think I’m a victim of non-contact molestation, does this count as actually being molested?||I encourage you to call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your situation in more detail. A counselor will be able to provide emotional support and give you resources and referrals.|
|Can sexually assaulted males get help from weave too?||WEAVE have services such as counseling and advocacy for males. Please call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more information on obtaining those services.|
|I was referred here in hopes of pressing charges, but its been about twenty years since my molestation. what are my options?||You can contact law enforcement and they will let you know if you can make a report. Although WEAVE does not offer counseling for molestation, we have referrals for agencies that specialize in molestation. Please feel free to call our Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more referrals and emotional support.|
|Is it a sexual assult when a 16yo has oral/anel sex with 18yo? The 16yo is now being humiliated by him, can she get help?||It is sexual assault when a 16 year old has oral and anal sex with a 18 year old. In California, nobody under the age of 18 can consent to sex. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling to survivors of 13+ years. If the perpetrator is harassing the 16 year old, WEAVE can help with filing for a Temporary Restraining Order. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information on how to receive our services and to explore other options.|
|Im 16 I have been sexually assulted numerous times by friends and cousins? Why does it always happen, and how can I avoid it?||We are so sorry to hear you have been a victim of numerous acts of sexual assault. Nothing you did caused the assaults to happen. The only reason why you were assaulted was because your friends and cousins are perpetrators. Therefore, they are the only ones who could stop it. You do have several options of what you could do now. You can contact law enforcement and make reports of the incidents since what they did to you is a crime. And, you could get into counseling to help you process everything. You might want to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation and receive support and guidance.|
|HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH ASKING FOR HELP WHEN YOU ARE SO ASHAMED TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED IN THE FIRST PLACE?||Shame is a common feeling among people who have been abused and it’s sometimes helpful to know that you are definitely not alone in being abused and your feelings that come with it. A good first step would be to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There, you could be anonymous and everything you say would be confidential, but you could still express your feelings and receive the support that you need while going over your options.|
|I’M TRYING TO FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS BUT I’M HITTING BRICK WALLS EVERYWHERE I LOOK; ANY HELP AT ALL?||We are sorry to hear the search has been stressful. WEAVE does have support groups for sexual assault survivors which might be what you are looking for. For more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I was sexually abused as a child. Last Sunday I was assaulted and almost raped. I feel like I am to blame. Can you help?||No one asks to be assaulted or sexually abused which is why none of this is your fault. The only ones to blame are the perpetrators because they were the ones to do this to you. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling services which can help you in regard to your recent assault. We can also give you referrals to other counseling agencies that can help you with your past sexual abuse as a child. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and to receive support while having someone to talk to.|
|No memory of “falling asleep” on date, woke up very groggy, sore, and with slightly bruised thighs. Could I have been raped?||Yes, it is possible that you have been raped. Some things that you could do now are go to the hospital to get checked out, go to law enforcement, or get into counseling. A good first step would be to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 and speak with one of our Crisis Line Counselors about what you went through and what you are feeling right now and they can give you options, depending on what you want to do.|
|perpetrator of sexual crime soon released from prison. i as the survivor would like to relocate. what help can i recieve||Our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 can give you some referrals that can possibly help you relocate. Please call for more information and for support during this difficult time.|
|My ex b/f hurt in a some sexual ways and always hit me i keep having dreams of it and feel like i am reliving it what can i do?||The process for healing from trauma is different for each individual, and the way the mind and body responds to the past trauma is just as varied. One way to heal from a traumatic experience is by talking to a trained counselor. WEAVE provides both individual and group counseling that may help you with the healing process. By contacting WEAVE’s 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 you can continue the healing process and learn more about the many services we offer.|
|My husband has sexually assaulted me on several occassions. I am so confused. What do I do?||You have many choices that you can explore on the Crisis Line. From reporting the abuse to law enforcement, receiving in-person counseling at WEAVE, or talking anonymously to a counselor on the Crisis Line. After talking with a Crisis Line counselor you may choose any and all of the choices to assist you with the healing process and increase your safety. To learn about your choices, please speak to a trained counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|My husband is verbally/mentally/sexually abusive. I’m in counseling he is not until next week. What are my options?||WEAVE offers many services that can assist you, including in-person counseling, legal assistance, and a Safehouse where you could stay up to 45 days. To explore which of the many services best meet your current needs, please talk with one of our counselors at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I was molested as a child & would like to help others in the same situation. Can you tell me where to get started?||A powerful way to turn a traumatic event in one’s life into something positive, after the healing process has occurred, is to help others that have experienced similar trauma. WEAVE does not provide services for those healing from childhood molestation, but we do refer callers to other local agencies. Please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line to receive the name and phone numbers of those agencies at 916.920.2952.|
|My husband is verbally/mentally abusive. I do not want to have sex but he yells at me and throws things. What do you suggest?||You have already taken a very important first step, identifying your husband’s actions as abuse. The next step would be to consider if you want to make changes to have a relationship without abuse. Both you and your husband can choose to make changes if you are both willing. We strongly suggest that couples that have domestic violence issues not attend couples counseling for safety reasons. To learn more about the many services WEAVE can offer you, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There are services available to help your husband learn to not be abusive that we can refer him to. While your husband receives assistance, you could receive support from WEAVE’s counseling.|
|My ex forced me to have sex May 15, 2006. He’s always been verbally/emotionally abusive. I was violated. Can I still report it?||The statute of limitations on reporting an assault varies, but usually is more than just a few years. Spousal rape is a crime, and based on a variety of factors, can be punishable with incarceration. There are both legal and emotional benefits to making a report to the proper law enforcement agency. If you choose to report or not please contact our counselors at 916.920.2952 to discuss your options and receive support. In-person counseling services would always be available to you, no matter how long ago the assault took place.|
|How can I get over what happened to me?||You may find that friends and family expect that you should be ready to move on with your life as soon as they are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand sexual assault know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being assaulted affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people who are assaulted experience symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and, although symptoms do get better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the assault long after it happened. Getting counseling can provide you with a safe person to talk to and skills to cope with your feelings and reactions. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to react or feel a certain way. There is no time period or deadline when you should “get over it”. Healing from such a violation is a complicated and individual process. Take as long as you need to let yourself heal.|