Sexual Assault Message Board
Read the messages posted below or Ask an Anonymous Question on our safe forum and we’ll respond to your question here in two business days.
|It was the summer before my senior year of high school and me and one of my best friends went to a party and we new people at this party. Me and my best friend were planning on sleeping together that night but things didn’t turn out the way we planned. A lot of alcohol was involved, but by the end of the night I just remember sitting in the family room and hearing guys talking about dirty things they wanted to do to me and my friend. We were so highly intoxicated that we couldn’t move, at least I couldn’t. Sometimes I wonder if I was drugged or if I just drank to much. Well somehow I ended up in a bed and I know for a fact I was alone when I fell asleep. Later on that night/morning, I woke up to one of the guys at the party in bed with me. I was so completely out of it that it took me a minute to realize what was going on and to wake up, but I woke up to him fingering me, he was taking my clothes off, groping me, and his pants were down. I was passed out-drunk, asleep and sleeping on my side, facing the door, so he had to have sneaked in and came up and laid behind me, I was not facing him because when I woke up to what he was doing to me, I had to role over. I freaked out and told him to leave the room, but he kept begging for sex. He finally left the room and I locked the door. I would have left the house after that happened but it was still late and I was still highly intoxicated. Me and my friend left in the morning. It’s been four years now and I never thought of this as sexual violence or assault and I think I erased it from my memory in high school. But now, its haunting me for some reason and I can’t seem to figure it out. I feel like something is missing, empty and wrong and I don’t know why I am feeling this way 4 years later. It triggered me so badly last semester at college because one of my professors told a similar story of her friends son having something like this happen to him and I had a flashback I think. I constantly think about it and every time I pass the house that it happened in I freeze up or even when I pass his house he lives in, because we are from the same town. I just wish I would have talked to somebody and not blocked it from my memory because now I am having difficulties with it. I feel ashamed and I wasn’t even raped at least I don’t think so. I always think that, if I was that intoxicated and woke up to him touching and fingering me, and I don’t even know how long he was doing it until I woke up, then what else could he have done to me while I was passed out. I never told my parents, only my sister, a few friends and one college professor.||Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry that you experienced this and want you to know that this is not your fault and you are not alone. It is difficult to reach out for support during this difficult time and commend you for taking this step. It is very normal to feel what you are describing, as well as to be triggered by similar stories and such. Sometimes, our reaction to “erase” it initially is a way of coping with the trauma. It is also very common to be confused about how to label what happened. What you are describing is sexual assault since it was unwanted, not consensual. It may be helpful to see a counselor to help guide you through the healing process. WEAVE provides free counseling services. This service can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional information, resources, and/or emotional support.|
Four years ago when I was a freshman in college I had a
traumatic experience with a friend of mine (lets call him
John) and fellow student on my campus. I had just broken
up with my long distance boyfriend and was absolutely
heartbroken. John was helping me through it and I was
happy that someone was willing to be there for me at such
a difficult time.
|I am sorry you experienced this four years ago and praise you for reaching out for support. It is normal to feel confused about what happened and how to proceed with healing and especially when memory is limited. It is important to know that what happened to you is not your fault regardless of limited memory. Sexual Assault is any sexual act that is unwanted. This includes kissing, groping, fondling. Penetration does not have to happen for it to be a sexual assault. Healing from something like this can take a long time and it may be helpful to talk about it with someone. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 11-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources and/or emotional support.|
Hello. I was ‘assaulted’ in 2011.. the reason I put that in
quotes is because I truly do not know what happened. I was
with a guy friend (we weren’t dating, but liked each
other), I consented to eating a ‘weed cookie’, but noticed
I was passing out and coming back to consciousness on a
mattress in his room. He would be in 69 position at times,
as well as on top of me trying to kiss me as I lay on this
mattress. When I was finally brought home (not by the
attacker) my parents took me immediately to the hospital. I
was then taken to a clinic to get a rape kit done, after
the policeman was done interviewing me at the hospital.
Through a long and emotionally painful process working with
a Detective within the DV Response team, nothing was
answered. I have no idea if my clothes were scanned for
DNA, if i was raped, or anything. I continued counseling
through the Yolo County DV & SA services. However, this
made me feel awkward so I stopped going.
I’m coming up on the 3 year anniversary and I was wondering if there are services for me?
|Hello. I am sorry this happened to you and commend you for reaching out for support. It is normal to feel the way you are and to be triggered by the event anniversary. This is a difficult time and there are services available for you. You can access our counseling services by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays between 11-1pm or Wednesdays between 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. An advocate can also go over the services available to you and additional resources that may be beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for these additional services and/or emotional support.|
|I feel like I was coerced but I’m not sure. If I was coerced, then I did not give consent right? I said things like, “I don’t know”, “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I’m a virgin” over and over again. Would those things fall under coercion and not giving consent?||Good afternoon. Thank you for contacting us for support and clarification about sexual assault. Sexual assault is a term used to describe any involuntary sexual act in which a person is threatened, coerced, or forced to engage against their will, or any non-consensual sexual touching of a person. The statements that you have given are not “consenting”. It may be helpful to discuss your situation with an advocate. WEAVE provides counseling services and these can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 11-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center.|
Hello, my son was abused when he was 6 years old. I didn’t find this information out until this year now that he is 13 years old when he went away on a summer vacation with my friend’s son. He then tells me the boy was trying to fondle him and they both did. Now the other boy’s mother is saying my son molested her son and has filed a polic report against my son and myself. We are in NYC and I’m just trying to figure out what i need to do to avoid this from escalating anymore. She has contacted me several times through texts, being very rude and has threatened to make a scene. At this point, I don’t know what to do and just need help and some answers on what approach to take.
Hello. I’m sorry your family is going through this. There are several agencies in your area that may be able to assist you and your son with services and resources. The New york Alliance Against Sexual Assault (212-229-0345), the New York State Coalition Against Sexual Assault (518-482-4222), and the New York State DV and Sexual Assault Violence Hotline (1-800-942-6906) are agencies that can assist you. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour support and information line at 1-866-920-2952 for additional resources.
I have a history of being sexually abused, and cannot sexually touch my partner. I have panic attacks and will not do any thing of the sort unless commanded to do so. My current partner has never tried to force or coerce me to touch him, but has reached his limit and thinks I find him repulsive, which is not the case. Any advice? Please help.
|Good morning. Thank you for reaching out to us for support. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. It is important to know that your panic attacks and feelings you are experiencing are a normal response from the trauma of being sexually abused. Open communication with your partner may be helpful. It may also be helpful for you to access some counseling services to help with the processing of any unresolved trauma and also for some tools to address your questions. WEAVE offers free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays from 11-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street counseling center. You may also contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.|
|My Grandson is acting out sexually. The mother of the three year old filed a police report and contacted CPS in January. 2014. I did not witness the act, she did. She reported it. There have been several other complaints regarding my Grandsons welfare. Nothing is being done, how can I get him and my daughter help if she just punishes him? Help please.||
Hello and thank you for contacting us for resources and support. It may be helpful to contact the Child Abuse Prevention Council of Sacramento and request home visitation services for the family. The home visitor/advocate can assess the situation and family needs and provide resources specific to their needs. This home visitation service also includes positive parenting education and support, as well as comprehensive case management and collaboration with other agencies. The Child Abuse Prevention Council number is 916-244-1900 and their address is 4700 Roseville Rd., Suite. 102, North Highlands, CA 95660. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.
Last year I was out with friends on a night out. I started walking home and was joined by some guys I knew from work or through school and one guy I’d never met. They walked me home and this guy I’d not met before kept trying to hold my hand and walk with me. When I got to my road, all the guys I knew walked off from this guy and he followed me home. When I told him to leave me alone he refused and kept following. He then pushed his way into my house and wouldn’t leave no matter how much I told him to. He just wouldn’t leave. He then ended up getting undressed (still had boxers on) and climbed into my bed. I set up a bed on the floor and settled down. I was pretty much asleep when I was awoken by him pinning my wrists down to the floor, kissing my neck and trying to get into my pj’s. I told him to stop and pushed him off and he staggered back into my bed. Is this considered sexual assault? Or am I over reacting. I’ve not been able to get it out my head since it happened.
|Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. Sexual assault is a term used to describe any sexual act that is unwanted. What you are describing is considered sexual assault. WEAVE offers free counseling services which can be accessed by attending traige on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10a-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.|
Hi. I’m not entirely sure where to start and how much any
of this is actually classified as sexual assault. But here
When I was a teenager I developed quite late on and have since always been small and fairly underdeveloped in my opinion. But during my teenage years I distinctly remember three occasions when my dad would hug me from behind (which was strange in itself because he’s not a huggy person) and put his hands down my top to feel my breasts – I didn’t like it, I think I knew it was wrong, and it made me uncomfortable so I pushed him off each time and he’d clear his throat and leave to continue whatever he was doing before. I don’t know if he was trying to see how I was developing or whether he was being sexual but I have never mentioned this to anyone in my family or friends or even spoken to him about it. I’m 24 now and we get along well but I still get uncomfortable with any form of physical contact from him – especially on the rare occasion that we hug. I have a younger sister who is 16 now and I occasionally worry about her and whether he does/has done the same to her. I can’t talk to her about it though because that would mean admitting that it happened to me. I’m not sure if I’m blowing that out of proportion but is that sexual assault?
Also when I travelled to New Zealand on my own when I was 19 – I had a great time and was very confident on my own and felt perfectly able to handle and defend myself. Until one hostel I stayed at I was put in a room with five guys. I should have asked for a different room but I was tired from travelling all day so I just put up with it. The next day 3 of them left and the other 2 seemed nice and played guitar and we had fun. One of them smoked weed and asked if I wanted any when we went out the back of the hostel – I said no and felt confident when he didn’t push it. But later that day when I was reading on my bed he came over and tried giving me a massage – I asked him to stop and he did so we chatted. Then he tried again and pushed his hand up under my top and round to touch my breasts – I told him no and he stopped. After dinner most of the hostel were sitting around in the lounge on the sofas watching a movie so I joined them. Then this guy from my room joined us and sat right next to me. As the film continued he pulled the blanket over us and pulled me down to lie against him – I didn’t want to cause a fuss so I just stayed there. I felt really awkward with all those people around I didn’t know what to do when he put is hand down my top again – under the blanket so no one could see. I asked him quietly to stop but he just said he ‘wanted to rest his hand there’ - on my breast, and although I was uncomfortable I didn’t know what else to do – he wouldn’t let me sit up or move away and I didn’t want to argue as everyone else would have noticed and I think I felt ashamed or like I’d encouraged him somehow. Again I don’t know if that counts but it’s an experience that has stuck with me.
Finally I have a friend/colleague with whom I work in the theatre – I’ve known him for eight years and he’s gradually becoming worse. He has always been huggy and a bit touchy-feely, but he is with all the girls backstage so we put him in his place if he goes too far and he’s only ever jokey anyway. But sometimes I don’t think he knows when he’s gone too far. He often watches the young female dancers and offers to ‘help’ them with quick changes - which makes me uncomfortable for them and some of them have raised concern to me. He has done this to me as well and has grabbed my arse and looked pointedly down my top many times. But the other day I was chatting with 2 friends and my brother (age 20) backstage in the dark with my back against a wall and this guy came up to me said something lewd about how I looked in what I was wearing (another common occurrence) then held my face firmly between his hands, forced my head up and kissed me – it actually hurt and I tried to push him away – I know I should have slapped him or something but I was too much in shock. He just laughed and said something along the lines of ‘I’ve always wanted to do that’ and walked off. My brother was rather disgusted by it and we have done our best to get him less involved in working backstage but now the theatre has actually hired him (he used to work for one of the sound men we hire) so he’s even more involved and I think he’s lost my friendship and I don’t really know what to do now. Again, is that sexual assault?
Sorry I’ve said a lot, I’ve never raised my concerns before but I just need to get them out there and see if I’m being totally silly or if indeed any of those humiliating experiences do count as sexual assault. Thank you.
|Good morning. Thank you for sharing your questions and contacting us for clarification. It is absolutely normal to have questions about what constitutes sexual assault and commend you for reaching out for support. Sexual assault is a general term used to identify any sexual act that is unwanted. It sounds like all of your examples are of unwanted sexual contact and involve the use of power and control in some form. It may be helpful to talk with a counselor about these incidents for additional support. WEAVE offers free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street center. It also may be helpful to contact the theater’s HR manager to discuss the technicians behavior since California has Sexual Harrassment laws which prohibits his behavior. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources. Thank you.|
|If someone is drunk and passed out in a bed, and wakes up to someone fingering them and touching them all over, is this sexual assualt?||Hello and thank you for contacting us for information. Sexual Assault includes any unwanted or unconsented sexual touching and penetration. The fact that the victim was intoxicated/passed out doesn’t change this. Please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss this further or if you would like additional resources.|
|I was out with friend at a bar. I was wearing jeans and a blouse. This guy was talking to my friend and I when all of a sudden his friend put his hand down my jeans and entered me from behind with his finger. I was shocked and I just moved forward, then he wiped his hand on the back of my blouse. I can’t stop thinking about it as I feel ashamed and uncomfortable. I should have screamed but I froze. Is that assault or just one of those things?||I am sorry that this happened to you and commend you for seeking clarification and support. Sexual assualt includes any unwanted sexual act and what you are describing is classified as sexual assault. Although it is normal to feel ashamed and uncomfortable about this, it is really important to know that what happened to you is not your fault. Your reaction is also normal given the traumatic experience. WEAVE invites you to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional support, resources, and options.|
While using your services to obtain information and forms
associated with a summary dissolution, several items
became assocaited with child support; my paycheck and
Good morning. First of all, thank you for contacting us for
information and clarification. Our workshops are
informational sessions to assist people in understanding the
broad framework of the laws and what the process is. It is
not attorney advice. We inform workshop attendees several
times in the process to consult an attorney depending on
their individual needs.
If you want to understand why you have been impacted or if you want us to give other workshop attendees information, please let us know by contacting our support line at 916-920-2952 and we will look into either reviewing your case on a consult only basis or incorporate your suggestions if your experience can be generally applied to our clients.
The forms that we provide in our workshops are mandatory forms with regard to starting a petition or following up with financial information that is mandatory in the dissolution process.
I hope this helps and thank you for your follow up.
I’m seeking help. I live in Yuba City and was wondering if there where any offices near me? Or if you could let me know of some other way to get help.. I really want to see someone rather than over the phone..I just don’t know where to look.
|Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for resources and support. The closest resource to you is Casa de Esperanza in Yuba City. Their office number is 530-674-5400 and their hotline number is 530-674-2040. You may also contact the Sierra-Sac Coalition in Sutter County at 530-822-7238. Both of these agencies provide local services and can also assist with additional resources specifically to meet your individual needs. Feel free to contact us again if you need additional support.|
|I have a friend whose dad came home drunk one night. He got on top of her and started very roughly kissing her neck. He pinned her down and screaming, kicking, or crying would not get him off of her. He mom eventually pulled him off but he was laughing at it the whole time. Her mom said he was messing around but I think otherwise. Is this sexual assult and if so what are the chances she will be put in foster care? Can she go with a family friend instead?||Good morning and thank you for contacting us for clarification and support. I am sorry your friend experienced this. Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact. What you are explaining sounds like it would fall under sexual assault and “Lewd and Lascivious Acts with a Child”. We do not know exactly whether your friend will be placed in foster care but CPS has a process that includes safe options with family members. As her friend, you can provide her information so that she is empowered to suggest where she would like to be placed if that is what happens. Sometimes speaking with someone outside of family is helpful. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 11a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You or your friend are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to talk or get additional resources.|
I am now 46 years old and have been married for 21 years, but my husband found out about an incident that happened to me when I was 17 years old and he really want to hurt this man. What I want to know is if what happened to me when I was 17 is considered rape. Here’s the story. I was a senior in high school and still a virgin. I went to a school dance with a girl friend. Neither of us had dates. We began talking to 2 guys we had been knowing all our school years. One thing led to another and myself and one of the guys began making out. Then he wanted to take it a step further, so he began undoing my pants. I didn’t really want to, but somehow he ended up breaking the button and the zipper on my pants and he got them off. He ended up on top of me and I got really scared and asked him to stop, but of course he didn’t. He continued doing his thing while I cried and begged him to stop continuously. About a year or so later I ran into him and he apologized for that night. I have never told my parents because I felt I was wrong for leading him on, but now my husband of 21 years keeps saying, “That was rape and I’m going to hurt him the next time I see him. Do you really think an apology should have made this all better. I don’t think so!” I really never wanted this to come out, because I know it will cause a lot of problems with a lot of people, but my husband has known about it for years, he just assumed I was dating this guy at the time so he let it go, but just recently the subject came up again because I do have sex issues due to it. I didn’t realize my husband thought I had dated the guy. When I told him I didn’t, all hell broke lose:( Please ease my mind. Is this considered rape or not? Thanks in advance.
|I am sorry that you went through this and want to acknowledge you for contacting us for information and support. What you are describing is considered rape and it is normal to feel what you are feeling having experienced this. WEAVE provides free counseling services to sexual assualt victims and these services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for addtional resources.|
|I was 18 when I moved in with my big sister and her boyfriend. At first I liked drinking and hanging out with them. After some time, I did not want to. But my older sister and her boyfriend forced me to drink . I would tell them no and they said they would kick me out if i did not drink. The first time my sister’s boyfriend tried to force himself on me, I grabbed a knife planning to use it if he did not stop. He forced me onto the table and I was crying begging him to stop. My older sister walked in and got him off of me. I told her what he was trying to do and she screamed at him asking him why he did it. He said I came onto him and she ended up believing him. I ran and hid but they ended up finding me. I was trapped in that house for a year and I ended up doing what ever they said. I was told my mom and family hated me. I was raped alot and I have scars on my hand were I clawed and scratched at them when he force himself on me. He said I could not say a thing and my sister said they will tell people I was willing and I have no proof. I made a friend at work and she let me move in with her. She did not know I was raped. She just new they were hurting me. I am now 24 years old and I am scared of men. I don’t like being alone or touched by men.I have nightmares and cannot get a job because of my trust issues. I need to get help. But is it to late to tell? Can I get help with out saying who did it? . I dont know what to do.||I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are brave and it is commendable that you are taking steps to tell your story and seek support. You are not alone and it is never to late to tell your story and seek support. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige session Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wendesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K street counseling office. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information line to talk and/or for additional resources.|
I am 41 years old and have been dealing with anxiety and
depression ever since I was a teenager. At that time, I had
a very close relationship with my coach from age 13 to 15.
He talked with me about my boyfriend and wanted details
about my sexual experiences. At the time, I looked at him
as a friend (he was in his early 20’s).
When I was 15, he invited me to his wedding. At the reception, I was forced by his friend to go dance with my coach. He pulled me right up against his body as we slow danced. He was rubbing my lower back, pressing himself against my breasts, and rubbing his erection against my body. He whispered in my ear and told me he loved me, and that he would be marrying me if only I were 18.
I never reported this at all, and I am wondering if I now should. How do I go about reporting him? He still has an active teaching/coaching license.
|Hello and thank you for contacting us for information and support. I am sorry that this happened to you as a teenager. Unfortunately, there are time limitations regarding how many years can pass for reporting incidents. However, it may be helpful to contact your local law enforcement agency to discuss whether there are other options. WEAVE also has a 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 which can be called for additional resources and/or to talk if needed.|
My mother’s boyfriend, a cop, learned my habits. He moved
in shortly after she started dating him. At night, when I
didn’t have anything on, from changing clothes, he would
force entry into my room. I would fight the door with him,
but he was always able to get in. Sometimes I was able to
hide behind the door with my arms over my head trying to
cover my body. Other nights he would walk up to me closer
and closer just staring at me like something was going to
happen. I started sleeping with the light on, always stayed
up at night with my back against the wall watching the
door, and times when I did nod off, I had night
When I was in class, he started going through my laundry and was washing only my personals. I would come home and find them folded nice and neat on my bed. I never gave him permission to enter my room or do any of my laundry; especially my personals.
I was walking the hallway and he put me in a hold and dragged me into the kitchen. He took out a can of whipped cream and sprayed it all over me. He licked my face, neck, lips, and tried to lick it out of my mouth but I bit down on his tongue and clenched my teeth.
He would hold me down with my hands behind head, and rub his face all over my body. He said my mom likes the feeling of his facial hair. I would try to force him off me but he always had me in a grip.
He would always come sit next to me when I was studying for school and put my hand on his crotch to rub my palm. I would fight with him to get my hand back, but he said it was a stress reliever and it felt so good. When I would finally get my hand back I was able to leave the room and find somewhere else to study.
He forced me up against the wall, had one hand on each side, and tried to rub his face on my body again. I tried to push him off, but he was pushing harder. He said, “what, you don’t like it when I rub this all over you? well, your mom likes it when I do it to her.”
After this incident I confronted him and told him if he ever touched anyway or anyhow again I was going to tell everyone everything he had done to me. My mom entered my argument with her boyfriend and asked what was going on. I left for my place; she called me and I told her everything he did to me. She said she talked with him and took his side b/c cops don’t do those things. She recently told me she was not going to leave him no matter what. Now no one; siblings, aunts, uncles, etc in my family will talk to me b/c they have all sided with this cop and my mom; b/c of the whole cops don’t do those things excuse. My sister said it is my issue and I have to deal with it and my brother said everything he did do to me is my fault.
I am more upset b/c my mom was a victims advocate for so many years. I asked my mom why she couldn’t be my advocate when her boyfriend did the things he did to me. She helped and protected all those people and she was leaving me out to dry. Her only response was she was not leaving him and why I am not over it yet. She asked me if it was something I think about all day long. I thought she was supposed to be a mom and be there for me. I don’t understand why she his siding with him.
|I am so sorry that this happened to you. I believe you and want you to know that you are not alone and this is not your fault. I would like to commend you for taking the step to seek support during this very difficult time. WEAVE offers counseling services that can be accessed by attending a free traige session on Tuesdays or Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at our 1900 K street office. Speaking to a counselor is often beneficial. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.|
|I was raped 5 years ago when I was 13. I have completely healed from it both physically and mentally. I am in a serious relationship right now and I have a very normal sex life. Should I tell my current boyfriend I was raped even though it does not affect me anymore? It was a big part of my life at the time so I feel like I am hiding something from him. And I’m scared that if I tell him he won’t be able to look at me the same.||Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for support. It is normal to be unsure when addressing this. In this situation it is important that you are comfortable about your decision whichever way you decide. Sometimes talking about your thoughts and feelings regarding the decision and potential outcomes is beneficial. WEAVE provides free counseling services and can be accessed by attending a free traige session on Tuesdays and Thursday from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7p at the 1900 K Street Counseling office. You are also welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 if you would like to discuss your options and concerns.|
|Last fall I went to a party with one of my friends. It was the first time I had ever been really intoxicated. My friend and I were dancing and at one point ended up dancing with these two guys. We kind of got separated for awhile. During this time, the boy that I was dancing with put his hands in my pants, started kissing my neck, and basically felt me up during at least three songs. I was so drunk that I think the only way I was standing was because he was behind me. I knew that I did not want what was happening to me, but I never said no. I guess because I was too drunk. However, the feelings that I had about it afterwards were horrible. I still experience flashbacks occasionally and have even had dreams about the experience but in my dreams the boy raped me as well (this did not actually happen) Was what happened to me my fault? What even happened to me? Probably nothing.||I am sorry that this hapened to you and commend you for reaching out for information and support. Sexual assault includes what you have described since it was unwanted. The fact that you were intoxicated and/or didn’t say no doesn’t take away from the incident being a sexual assault. Please know that you are not alone and that flashbacks and dreams are normal symptoms of trauma. WEAVE offers free counseling services for victims of Sexual Assault and these services can be accessed by attending a free triage session on Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling Center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.|
I don’t really know if this counts as sexual assault, but
I remember back when I was in grade school, maybe in 1st
grade, my mom was friend’s with my teacher. She would
work occasionally after school and wouldn’t be able to
pick me up, so I would go home with my teacher ( who was
a lady) and her two sons. I enjoyed hanging out with them
after school and everything, but one day I remember I was
really tired and wanted to sleep. The mom told me I could
lie down on her bed and i remember little flashbacks of
her two sons who were botg my age, touching me. As a 7
year old, I had no shape of breasts yet, but I remember
my shirt was lifted and they were grabbing me there.
That’s all I remember, I don’t remember whether they
touched me in other areas as well, or what exactly I did
|Thank you for reaching out to us for clarification and support. What you experienced would fall under the definition of sexual assault. I am sorry that this happened to you and that you are having to go through feeling tense when you see one of the boys today. Feeling tense when triggered is a normal response and you are not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes talking about your expereince and seeking support for healing is beneficial. WEAVE offers free counseling services and these can be initiated by attending one the free triage sessions which take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at the 1900 K Street Counseling center. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and InformationLine at 916-920-2952 for additional resources or if you have sepcific questions.|
I am now 24, married and have an 18 month old daughter. When I was about 20 years old in college I went out for a night drinking with my friends. I got pretty intoxicated and ended up getting separated from my friends. I ran into a work friend who brought me back to his house that was really close by. I remember being in his bathroom and remember a guy (maybe two of them) coming in and touching me very inappropriately, I remember getting up and stumbling out the door to get myself out of that house. Miraculously after I walked out I ran into my friends and blacked out once I knew I was safe. I never told anyone because I didn’t really have any information to give them. I was so drunk that I can’t remember the faces. Now I am in the military and I go to sexual assult classes that are mandatory for everyone to attend and they always bring up flashbacks. Should I tell my husband? I’m afraid of what he might think? Especially because I really don’t have any information to tell him (who it was, what actually happened to me). What is your advice?
|Hello and thank you for reaching out to us for advice and support. I am sorry that you experienced this and commend you for seeking guidance. You are not alone in what you are feeling and it is absolutely normal to experience flashbacks. Regarding talking to your husband, it is important to do what you are comfortable and ready for. It may be helpful to discuss your feelings and concerns with a counselor. WEAVE offeres free counseling services for Sexual Assault victims. This service can be accessed by attending a free traige session. Triage is offered on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am-1pm and Wednesdays from 4-7pm at 1900 K Street. You are also welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to talk and/or for additional resources.|
|I am a married woman of 25 years. I have a sleeping disorder and have taken a prescription sleeping medication now for six-seven years without incident. My spouse and I have struggled lately with the topic of intimacy mostly due to his drinking. In the last month to two months I have awoken in the morning with my underwear pulled down to my knees with NO recollection of how it got that way. My husband swears it was not him and I can’t imagine how this just “happened” out of the blue TWICE. I am a nervous wreck. There was an incident ONE other time where I apparently woke up self-stimulating (according to him) and he confessed he “helped me along” with it, which infuriated me and broke all kinds of trust issues. Any advice or insight?||Thank you for contacting us for advice and support. I am sorry this has happened to you. Sexual Assault includes any sexual act that is unwanted/unconsented. This includes if you are sleeping and/or unable to consent to it. Feeling violated and angry is a normal response and it is important to know that there is support. It may be helpful to have a safety plan in place. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 to assist you with this plan if you would like. This line can also assist with referrals and resources for counseling and other services you may want.|
My daughter was recently raped. She thinks her drink was drugged. She was on vacation and did not get a rape test. She did not know him and did not consent. She won’t talk about it or deal with it. She does not remember anything. Thank God she is not pregnant and all tests for transmitted diseases are negative. How can I get her to go to counseling. She said she is not ready. She will be leaving for college in 3 months. Very concerned mom.
|I am sorry that this has happened to your daughter and thank you for contacting us for information and support. This is a vulnerable time for your daughter and it is important for her to feel supported and to know that it is not her fault. As a concerned parent it may seem ideal for her to attend counseling right now, however, counseling will be most effective when she is ready. Providing her with the resources is of utmost value for her. Since she will be leaving to college soon, it would be helpful to gather resources in that city so that she can reach out when she is ready. If she is willing to seek counseling now, WEAVE provides free counseling sessions. She can attend free traige Tuesdays/Thursdays from 10-1pm or Wednesdays from 4-7pm at 1900 K Street. For additional resources in Sacramento and/or the college city she will be moving to, feel free to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952.|
|I’m wondering if my friend was raped. We were drinking one night and she was really drunk. She could barley see and was really upset, so I put her to bed. She told me that she woke up to a boy touching her all over, and rubbing her. She was still trying to wake up and he was kissing her. She said she was so scared that her body felt like it went into shut down and she was too afraid to say no. They had sex, but she basically laid there and took it because she was so scared. She said she would rather have laid there and let him do it than to say no and it to be forced on her. What does that mean?||Thank you for reaching out to us for support and clarification regarding your friend. I am sorry that she experienced this. Rape includes sex without consent, regardless of whether someone actually verbally says no. This includes incapacitated rape where the victim is not capable of consenting. Your friend’s reaction during the time of the incident is normal and she may go through different phases of emotions and feelings while she copes with this experience. Sexual Assault is about power and control, so it may be helpful to empower her to access resources to assist with the healing. WEAVE provides free counseling services. You are welcome to call the 24hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 for information on these services and/or other resources.|
|I am separated from my husband as of 1/26/14 because he raped my 19 year old daughter after a night of partying. She is his stepdaughter and together we have a four year old son. There is an investigation pending. At first I was very distraught over this, however, I also see the effect it has on our son. I feel sick because I have feelings of wanting him back but I know that is not posible. Is it wrong of me to even wish we could somehow be a family again for my son? Should I have any cordial relationship with him or would that be a slap in the face and disrespectful to my daughter? Maybe we could not be together but be sort of friends? I do miss him for what he was before this happened… Sincerely Guilt Ridden||I am sorry that you are going through this. It is normal to have various feelings and emotions during such a difficult situation. Seeking advice and support is the best thing to do, so thank you for contacting us. This is a very difficult time for you, your daughter, and your son. Connecting with the most valuable resources and supportive services is important for all of you. If interested, WEAVE offers counseling services. You are also welcome to contact our 24hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional resources.|
|4 years ago, I was at a party with my best friend and we knew most of the people there. There was a lot of alcohol involved and I was highly intoxicated. I guess someone ended up helping me to a bedroom and I remember getting into bed alone. I was passed out asleep and in the middle of the night, or early morning, I woke up to a guy fingering me. Im pretty sure he had his pants undone and his penis out as well. It took me a second to realize what was going one and when I woke up I became more alert. I was still drunk but I told him to leave. He was begging to fool around and have sex but he ended up leaving the room. After he left the room, I remember getting up and locking the door and going back to sleep because I was still very intoxicated. The next morning me and my friend left and I told her what happened. I was freaking out for a few months after it happened but never pictured it as assualt. I thought I got over it until recently. I was in class the other day and my professor told a story of a similar thing happening to one of her friend’s sons and I must have had a flashback or something because now I can’t stop thinking about it. Why am I so freaked out about it now, if it happened 4 years ago? Also, was it even sexual assault or a type of rape?||Hello and thank you for contacting us. I am sorry that this happened to you. Sexual Assault is any sexual act without consent. What you are describing is considered sexual assault. It is normal to feel as if you have moved on after the incident and then later be triggered by something. Counseling is a great asset to assist with these feelings and questions that you are having. You are welcome to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 for information about our counseling services and/or other resources.|
|So I was confused and wanted to know if this was sexual assault or rape. My boyfriend he went to touch my boobs after we had hugged and asked me if I wanted him to and when I did I’d always say yes but I didn’t want him to this time so I got quiet and slightly pulled away just didn’t say anything because I was scared how he’d react well instead of touching my boobs he switched and just shoved his hand down my pants and in my vagina but later he told me he ddnt know I didn’t want him to do it, so does this still count as assault or rape?||Thank you for reaching out to us. It is normal to be confused and commend you for seeking clarification and support. Sexual assault is a general term used for any sexual act or threat without consent. This includes many things, including touching and penetration. Rape is penetration and/or oral penetration without consent. It is important to know that consent does not need to be verbal. I hope this information is helpful to you. You are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952 for resources regarding sexual assault and/or counseling services.|
|When I was about 5 years old my teenage cousin forced himself on top of me, made me make out with him and he touched me inappropriately. I told my parents after it happened but they never did anything about it. So I never talked about it again, and I was confused about what had even happened. Now that I’m older I can’t even remember fully what happened, and I don’t know what to label it as? But I know it was wrong and I just need advice.||Thank you for contacting us for advice and support. Sexual assualt encompasses many acts and what you are describing falls under this. It is normal for both a 5 year old to be confused at the time of such an incident and to not remember what happened fully later as an adult. WEAVE provides counseling services and can be initiated by attending a triage session. Please feel free to contact us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for additional information.|
I really need help, my past is on my mind and it is holding me back from my future.
I am 16 years old now, but about three years ago right after I turned 14 I was dating this 17 year old. He was almost 18. We dated for a few weeks and then the day after my birthday he said he had got a special bottle of wine for us to share. We went to a park by his house and shared the bottle, but I remember the bottle always having the same amount in it as when I had handed it to him, I think he tricked me. I was young and naive, I got drunk and don’t remember the walk to his house. but the next thing I remember was him naked on top of me, my body felt awful and sore, my head felt fuzzy and groggy. I don’t think he would of slipped me something but I felt like I had been drugged. I still had my shirt and skirt on but I could feel that he had taken off my tights and my panties. He looked at me as if to ask permission but I just said no and he went inside of me anyways, It hurt so bad and I think I told him to stop but I don’t remember, I just remember crying and not wanting it.
I don’t know how to tell any one about this and I don’t know what or if I can do anything now since it has been so long, I know his address and his name, before he stole my virginity I would occasionally stay the night with him and other friends at places and I would wake up to him playing with me or feeling me, and he told me it was okay. Please help me out. was this rape?
|I am sorry that you are going through this and commend you for reaching out for support. Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual act including what you described. Rape is sex without consent or if incapable of consenting due to intoxication or other circumstance. Please know that what happened is not your fault and you are not alone. What you are feeling is normal. You mention that you would like to move forward and oftentimes speaking with someone helps this process. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916-920-2952 for information about our counseling services. Contacting Law Enforcement is also an option if you would like to report the incident(s). Please feel free to contact us if you have further questions or need additional support.|
Should I leave my boyfriend who may have molested my autistic 15 year old daughter?
|Thank you for reaching out to us. While it is not our intent to make this decision for you, we are here to provide you with resources and empower you to make an informed decision. From the additional comments, it sounds like the situation is complicated and it may be helpful for you to explore some of our counseling options. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line (916-920-2952) can provide resources for counseling services as well as other services. The relationship you have with your daughter is invaluable and this should be considered when seeking services and when making your decision. Please feel free to call our support line if you have additional questions or need information.|
I was sexually assaulted over a year ago and when I went to the police, they did nothing but find reasons to blame me. I was both intoxicated and asleep when I was raped. This past month its been on my mind a lot. I’m on continuous birth control for health reasons and being raped is constantly on my mind. When it is on my mind, my vagina begins to bleed. Is that normal? It makes the stress worse, I’m 23 now and i’d like to be able to move on, have a relationship, heal, and not constantly have this on my mind.
|Thank you for contacting us for advice and support. I am sorry that law enforcement was not helpful. It is important for you to know that the sexual assault was not your fault and you are not alone. The stress you are describing from the incident is normal. Sometimes there are physical symptoms, however, you may consult with your primary care physician to discuss the vaginal bleeding specifically. You are welcome to call our Information and Support Line at 916-920-2952 for resources in this area. You may also call this number to get information on our free counseling services if interested.|
|When i was 14, my father asked me to perform oral sex on him, claiming he was trying to show me an alternative to intercourse or to avoid a rape. I refused and that was the end. But 40 years later it still bothers me. I adored my father until he died a few years ago. Is what he did still considered child abuse/child molestation? What do I call it? please help!||Thank you for reaching out to us. What you are describing is both sexual assault (lascivious acts upon a child) and child abuse. It is normal to be torn between your affection for your father and what he did. You are more than welcome to call our 24hour Support and Information line at 916-920-2952 to request information regarding free counseling services.|
|I started seeing this guy I went to high school with about 2 years ago. I stopped seeing him about 2 months ago and completely cut off all forms of communication. I know he was abusive he would tell me how to act tell me how to have my body look and who to hang out with and he would get angry if i had any friends other than female friends. I know he was an abusive partner but I’m not sure if I was raped by him? There were several times we were intimate and some of them were completely consensual. But others weren’t. Currently I’ve been trying to move on to seeing other people good people who have never hurt me but I’ll start getting panic attacks thinking that they’ll be just like him. The one guy I’m trying to see now has never hurt me has never had any similarities to my ex but still some nights just thinking about it I start panicking and crying and wanting to hurt myself to make the pain stop. What can I do to move on? Was I even raped or am I being over dramatic?||Thank you for contacting us. You have the right to withdraw consent during sex or say no to other acts that you are not comfortable with even if it is with your boyfriend. It is normal to experience panic attacks after trauma. You are more than welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952. WEAVE provides short term counseling sessions for sexual assault.|
|A teenage boy who lived in the apartment above me sexually abused me from the ages of 4-6/7. I think it’s too late to press charges and I don’t want to even if I could but I would like to at least remember the name of the boy who took my childhood. How can I find his name when I don’t even know his address just the street and the apartment he lived in (not the actual number of it though)?||Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we cannot say whether or not it is to late to press charges. You may want to contact your local law enforcement agency. If you would like emotional support, you are welcome to contact our 24 hour support and information line at 916-920-2952.|
I’m not really sure where to start. I’m feeling guilty about a situation with my ex. In July I was dating my now husband. I decided to go to my ex’s house to play some video games (bad idea I know but we wanted to stay friends). Anyway I got to his house and we started watching a movie. He kept trying to kiss and make out with me but I kept pushing him away and telling him no. That continued for a while until I felt like passing out. I drifted off for a bit and I woke up to my pants and underwear around my knees and him behind me. I don’t know why I didn’t jump up and yell at him but I didn’t. I figured if I just pretended I was asleep he would stop or maybe I could just make it go away. He was never the kind of guy to take no for an answer. Maybe I misunderstood him or something. Maybe he thought I was awake and that I wanted it even though I told him “No. I have a boyfriend,” the whole time. I’m not really sure why I’m writing I’m just confused. Was everything my fault? Was he innocent and I was the bad guy? I can’t stop thinking about it…please help. I was also molested for a few years by my uncle when I was younger so had issues with guys for a long time and this whole thing just made it worse. I’m reminded of both instances every time my husband and I get intimate and, whenever I’m around older people…
|I am sorry that you are feeling guilty. What happened was not your fault. Your ex boyfriend took advantage of you being passed out and he holds the responsibility for the assault, not you. It took a lot of courage for you to tell your husband and friend what happened. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor about your recent assault as well as your past molestation. A counselor may be able to help you work through the trauma so that you are not continuously reminded of the past. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor or learn more about the counseling services WEAVE offers you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
What Would Happen If A Male Teacher Touches/Grabs On Your Panties While You Were Bending Down Trying To Get A Laptop ? What Would The Process Be If You Want To Press Chargers On Him?
|Thank you for reaching out to us. Is there a safe adult that you can tell? Maybe a school counselor or parent? If you call law enforcement to file a report it may be helpful to have another person you trust with you. Your teacher should not be touching you. If you would like to speak with a counselor and get support we have a 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|I was visiting an old friend with a group of people. When we got back to the hotel we played cards. He spiked my drink and I passed out. When I woke up his hand was down my pants. This “friend” tried telling me when I woke that I gave him consent with my body language. I was asleep the entire time and the only reason I woke up was because of his hand thing. He is an active member in the military and could get into serious legal trouble if word got out. What should I do?||I am so sorry that this happened. What this guy did was wrong and he took advantage of you by spiking your drink and touching you without permission. If you would like to report the crime you can call law enforcement and you can also contact the military to see if there is a report you may file with them. If you would like to speak with a counselor you can also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|My wife confided in me that she had sex with her cousin when she was 21, which resulted in her being pregnant with our son. She moved to Texas from Ohio to be with her terminally ill dad. After his death and the death of her grandma and cousin she started doing coke everyday. She would party with cousin who are a couple years younger. (Bout 7 of them all round same age) And buy them booze. They would all go in on drugs together. One night she was extremely drunk and high she passed out on the couch with a few other cousins passed out there. She woke up to her cousin foundling her and doing other sexual things. She doesn’t see it as rape, because she enjoyed it. The next day she felt terrible and disgusted by what she had done. She says it would of never happened sober. She was passed out drunk. Just because she woke up and wanted the good feelings to continue, does this mean its not rape? I think it is rape. And I don’t think she should blame herself for enjoying being fondled. It’s suppose to feel good when touched like that. Is it rape if she enjoyed the sex?||Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. It is good that your wife was able to discuss her conflicting feelings with you. rape can be a very confusing thing especially when it involves family, drugs, and physical sensation. Because your wife was passed out and intoxicated she would not have been able to consent to the acts. The conflicting feelings of physical pleasure mixed with the thoughts that it would not have happened were she sober show how confused she must feel. If you or your wife would like to speak with a counselor to get support you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|My son is 17 but we had went to the ER for severe stomach pain, he has not been to many doctors in his life so therefore he has no idea of what can happen. During the visit the doctor came in asked my son what brought him in and my son replied severe stomach pain, the doctor had him lie down and he pushed on his stomach, he asked my son are you having any other problems my son said no. Then all of a sudden out of no where the doctor reached down and stroked both sides of my sons balls and penis.. My son being shocked completely freaked out and turned every color in the book, as he was doing this and after he had already touched my son he made a comment saying “how is the 2 boys doing”. The whole time I have went to doctor and every time I have had something done to me that the doctor had to touch me in the private area they informed me of every movement they where doing..Is this something that I can push, my son is very upset he isn’t sleeping good now and he tells me he don’t ever want to go see a doctor anymore if they can just touch him without informing him what is about to happen..I’m hurt seeing my son done this way too..any advice on what to do..||I am sorry to hear that you and your son are struggling. You may try contacting the Medical Licensing Board to make a report concerning the doctors actions and your sons reaction. If your or your son would like any emotional support from a counselor you may call our 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952. You may also contact law enforcement to make a report|
|When I was 13, a boy I didn’t even know put his hand up my skirt while we were riding on a school us. Is this considered sexual assault? Even though he was probably just 13, too?||Regardless of age it would fall under sexual assault as he was touching you when you did not want him to and had not given him permission to do so|
|I was with someone for about a month before we fought. He didn’t contact me again for just over four weeks when I saw an update from his social media account saying that he is now married. This goes against my personal values, not to mention that this was my first one after I was sexually assaulted. I will NEVER sleep with someone’s partner and I feel violated. Is this sexual assault / abuse and can I do something about it legally? The other thing is that I have told his new wife about what happened (I have not told him that I know his wife’s email address after doing a search on Google), I was angry but I also need to provide her with evidence and the fact that I didn’t know what happened.||I am sorry that I am not able to provide you with information regarding your legal rights concerning your ex partner. From what you describe it sounds like it would fall under emotional abuse as he was not truthful with you and that it has caused you emotional pain. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding your concerns and feelings you are welcome to call the Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
In high school, I was at a basketball game. A boy that had graduated before me by a few years was there. He had some sort of mental illness and could commonly be found at the high school’s many sporting events. I was standing by the snack counter when he came up and gave me a hug, as he randomly did to strangers. A few minutes later, he came back and held my hand, pulling me away. I walked with him for a minute or two and ended up around the corner by the lockers. He turned me around and proceeded to hug me from behind for a few minutes. I was extremely uncomfortable. Finally, a girl who had seen him walk away with me came over and called my name, causing him to release me.
Is this considered a sexual assault? He did nothing but
hug me, and he had a mental illness, so I’m not sure if
he knew what he was doing. I’ve never told anyone, but to
this day it still makes me extremely uncomfortable. To
the point that I’m scared of his brothers who look just
|Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual touching. If he was hugging you and touching you it could fall under sexual assault. It sounds like the situation made you feel uncomfortable and that you continue to have memories of what happened. It could be helpful to speak with someone about your experience. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and Information Line. If you would like to speak with a counselor you may call us at (916)920-2952.|
|Ok this might sound silly but Im not even sure if I was raped. I guess its sexual assault I’m 24 now but when I was 18 when this happened I had my first ever boyfriend we dated for about 6 months, the last time I saw him we were fooling around kissing and touching etc I never had sex before and he knew I was a virgin and he kept going on about how he wanted to sleep with me bla bla but I said no I wasn’t ready so we were still kissing etc & then I suddenly felt this pain between my legs (yes I was naked) he was inside me and I started screaming at him to get off me he grabbed my arms over my head & he just stared at me, I went silent I couldn’t do anything just lay there. Then he let go of me and asked me if I was ok, I was in shock I said yes & said I had to go. Till this day I cant get it out of my mind and I’ve never been near a man ever again. I don’t know if this is rape because he didn’t actually have sex with me but he was inside me and it scared the living crap out of me.||Thank you for writing to us. You do not ask a silly question. From what you shared it would be considered rape as there was penetration that you did not consent to. If you would like to speak with a counselor and find out more information about the services that we offer you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. Speaking with a counselor may be helpful so that you can start to heal from the assault.|
|My husband and I were fooling around one night and we ended up having consensual sex. Later on that night he asked if we could perform anal sex. I was hesitant, but wanted to make him happy so I said yes. As he started to perform anal sex on me I tried pushing away and started crying from pain and told him to stop multiple times. He didn’t stop until after he was finished and I was still crying and upset. He is my husband, so would this be considered sexual assault or rape?||Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. From what you shared it does sound like spousal rape. You have every right to say no to sex and that is regardless if someone is or is not your husband. I am sorry that he did not stop when you told him to and when you were in pain. If you would like additional support or would like to speak with someone you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
I am 21 years old today. I have a 5 year old little girl born out of a rape by my step-father. I have been around this man since I was 2 years old. I started getting abused at 11 when I started noticing the abuse. I tried telling my mother but she didn’t believe me and she stayed married to the Man. My current situation is I have moved away with my kids with a man I only been knowing for a year now I know it sounds crazy but out of my whole life I never had this support and guidance from anyone. It’s like he’s my angel, my angel god sent him to m. I tired reaching out to the proctors and the detectives who took my case but there haven’t reach out to me. I and very depressed and concerned and I can’t carry on until this gets taken care of. Where do I start if the county it happened in isn’t replying? I made a statement and talked to the officers who took my case. I feel like he messed up in his investigation so he is avoiding me. What should I do, isn’t there a statute of limitation? My daughter is 5 years old what can I do?
|Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us. I am sorry that you have not been able to get the support you are looking for from law enforcement regarding your molestation and assault. Unfortunately we cannot provide legal advice on this webpage but encourage you t o speak with the sexual assault agency in your area to see if there is any assistance they may be able to provide.|
So I am 18 me and my boyfriend just had a healthy little boy well now that we are home when the baby wakes up crying like every time he yells at me after I calm the baby down he pins be to bed and says its my punishment makes me uncomfortable when he wants to finger me and be rough it actually hurts and then he takes it upon himself to hold me down and put his penis in I have bruises on my arms from him is there anything I can do about this I want out but every time I mention leaving he does it again
|I am sorry to hear that you are being hurt. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line when he is not home. The number is (916)920-2952. One of our support line counselors can go over safe options for you and help you with an individual safety plan. He should not be treating you this way. If you are are unable to call the Support Line you may look on our website under the domestic violence tab there will be a section on safety planning. It may be helpful to create a safety plan so that you have options planned out a head of time should you decide to leave.|
|I am not sure what constitutes rape, but I do know right from wrong. I know what he does to me while I am sleeping and I know it is wrong. How can you give consent when you are sleeping. I felt violated again this morning waking up to my boyfriend with his fingers in my butt. We haven’t been sexually active in a month, in fact we rarely sleep in the same bed. Every time he does sleep in my bed I wake up with him touching me somehow. I have woken up on numerous occasions with his fingers inside of my vagina and my buttonhole. He drinks a lot and always comes to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Is this sexual assault/rape? Please help can’t stop crying||I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You are right that what your boyfriend is doing is wrong and is assault. You are asleep and you are not giving consent. He should not be touching you unless you say it is okay and he should only be touching you where you want to be touched and again with permission. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line to speak with a counselor about how you are feeling, whats happening and safety plan we can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again what your boyfriend is doing is assault and you have every right to be upset about what he is doing.|
I was molested by my brother when I was 5 through 10 years old. At the time, he was 16 to 21 years old. He is 11 years older than me. I never told anyone at the time. I am now 52 and he is 63. He lives in Virginia and I live live in New York and i only see him at occasional family events. He married and had four sons, who are all adults now. I have no idea if he ever molested anyone other than me. I like to think he didn’t, but I don’t know for sure. My brother is expecting his first grandchild and I worry about the baby being a girl. What do I do?
|Thank you for taking the time to write to us. First, I am sorry that your brother did that to you. If you have concerns that your brother might hurt his future grand dauhgter or suspect that he may still be abusive you may contact your local child protective services department to see if they have a procedure for concerns such as yours.|
I’m 14, and there’s a guy I know who has had a crush,
almost fixation, on me since we first met. He broke up with
his girlfriend because he wants to date me. We walk home
from school sometimes, and he doesn’t stop touching me even
if I tell him to stop. Even if it’s just some small pokes
or a arm around me, he’s always touching me. Today I found
out that he’s raped multiple girls. He’s brought up the
subject of rape towards me before. He’s also told me about
taking advantage of other girls.
Should I be worried that I may be assaulted?
He’s a diagnosed sadistic sociopath.
He’s also much stronger, bigger, and faster than me.
He constantly teases and touches me.
|Thank you for reaching out to us with your question. It sounds like he is making you feel uncomfortable and that your instincts are telling you that he may not be a safe person. It may be helpful to call our 24 hour Support Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor regarding a safety plan. The safety plan could include identifying safe people to tell, safe people to walk home with and other things that pertain to your particular situation and individual needs. From what you describe it sounds like he is not listening to you and that you do not feel safe around him (for good reasons).|
|when i was young a teenage boy had sex with me after tricking me to go look for something with him in an old unfinished house. so as a kid i obeyed him and we had sex i had no idea then but later on talking with my sister she told me i was raped. a few weeks later another teenage boy did the same thing. i never told my mother then until the day she died in 2004. i am now 21 and this has caused me to never trust any guys and my question is is this psychological or post rape trauma?||I am sorry that you have been having to hold on to this trauma for so many years. It is good that you were able to share what happened with you to your mom and sister. Your responses of not being able to trust are very common after sexual abuse especially since it happened when you were a child. It can be helpful to speak with a counselor. Even though the assaults happened years ago WEAVE can assist you with free short term counseling that would focus on coping skills to help reduce the negative impact of the assault. If you would like more information or would just like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.|
|I think my best friend might have been raped or assaulted. Not sure which one, but this guy that she had a crush on asked her out. Naturally, she was excited but then things got a bit out of hand after that. After a night of heavy drinking, she ended up back at his place. When she woke up, she realized that she might have been assaulted but it doesn’t end there. He asked her for sex, she was completely hesitant the whole time but then gave in even though she was an emotional wreck. She said she kept saying “I don’t know, I don’t know”. If the guy was a true gentleman, he should have just left her alone and not asked for sex when he knew what emotional state she was in. She thinks she might have consented to it. I don’t think she did. What do you think?||It is good that your friend felt comfortable talking to you about what happened. It sounds like your friend let him know that she was not comfortable with having sex and that he continued to press the issue and that she was not consenting. If your friend would like to speak with a counselor or one of our Support Line counselors she may call the SL at (916) 920-2952. Because your friend was not wanting to have sex he should have stopped.|
|It was one of my friend’s 21st birthday, so our group of friends went out to drink to celebrate. We all ended up back at one of our friends’ apartment. I was inebriated because there are some parts of that night that I don’t remember. What I do remember is trying over and over again to get away from that guy who owns the apartment. I kept trying to run away from him, but he kept running after me, picking me up and throwing me back to his bed. Our two other friends didn’t do anything. They just stayed in the living room. I know that what I remember is true because I had bruises the next morning. But anyway, the last thing I remember before completely passing out was he was on top of me, kissing me while I was struggling to get away because he was holding me down. The birthday boy I guess walked in the middle of this to check up on me, but when he saw what was happening he walked back out. The other person who was waiting in the living room, a girl, saw me the next day as I confronted her. She said she “didn’t want to leave me there” but she still did. I’m not sure if we had sex or not, but regardless if we did or not. Was it still sexual assault?||First, I am sorry that you went through this and that you were not able to get help from others at the party. It may be helpful to go to the doctors to see if you are needing any medical attention. If you suspect that you were sexually assaulted you can file a police report and they may suggest an evidentiary exam. Because you do not remember the night, have bruises and have memories of being hurt it may be helpful to see a doctor. From what you describe you were not in a position to consent to being in the room with him and it sounds like he was aggressive and took advantage of the situation. If you would like to speak with a counselor we can provide you with information on how to get connected with one of our counselors. Our 24 hour Support Line can be reached at (916)920-2952.|
|Is it sexual assault if a friend strips off my clothes while I was intoxicated? I confronted him and he nonchalantly said it was because he wanted to see me naked. Also, is it sexual assault if he wanted me to do something and I obliged even though he saw that I was upset/crying a little bit beforehand? I just feel guilty about everything that happened because I feel like I was actively participating in something that had I not been upset and already feeling violated from the night before then I would have never done anything with him that morning. I feel like I consented because I did what he wanted me to do, but then I still feel so violated to this day. Please help.||I am so sorry that happened. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now with a lot of tough emotions. What you describe does not sound consensual. It sounds like your friend took advantage of you both days. I am sorry you are going through this. If you would like additional support or information about our counseling services please call the 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952|
|An ex boyfriend of mine forcibly performed anal sex on me, we were dating at the time, and I reported it to the police. They sent it to special victims, they still haven’t gotten back to me, it’s been around a month, would you know why?||I am sorry to hear that you have not heard anything back from law enforcement regarding your report. It may be helpful to call the station to speak with the supervising officer to see if they can provide you with some information. Have you been in contact with Victim Witness at the DAs office? If not, they are a valuable resource to have and can help advocate on your behalf. Their phone number is (916) 874-5701|
Right know I’m 13 and when I was little my uncle touched my
vagina and when I was a little older my other uncle touched
me in my boobs and I didn’t do anything and I don’t know
why I was little And I haven’t told anyone yet not even my
own mother but I don’t want to tell her cuz she’s so happy
now she gots everything she wants and I don’t want to tell
Cuz I don’t want to hurt her feelings and I feel alone with this guilt tell me what to do please I feel used
|Thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry that your uncles did that to you. Their actions were not okay. If you cannot tell your mom about what happened it may be good to tell another safe adult such as a teacher or a counselor. Telling safe adults can put the power in their hands to act on the information. It is a lot of responsibility and pain for you to be holding onto yourself. It is the adults in your life responsibility to help protect you. Its understandable that you do not want to tell your mom but at the same time you are still a child and need to be protected from your uncles. I am so sorry that you have had to keep this secret to yourself and it takes a lot of courage to tell your story. If you would like to you can also call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. We can give you information on counseling services for you and your mom.|
|When I was fifteen I was attacked by seven men well one of the guys ended up being my future husband’s cousin at the time I didn’t know and once I figured it out and need his name I wanted to turn him in and didn’t because my husband had said he’d hurt me well all in all my husband kids & dad called me a whore for years after that whole thing. He was at the hospital when I went for my kit and everything so he knows it was for real and not a joke. Well I and he spilt up 9 years ago and I have always wondered if I could still go talk to the police about it and tell them what I know. Keep in mind I was drugged and back then the cops said they knew part of my story was missing and nothing ever got done about it everyone there that night walk scot free but me. And after 19 years it does bug me from time to time mostly when someone brings it up or someone talks about sexual assault! I have learned over the last few years that having that personal part of me taken is why I’m so insanely protective of my belongings and do not like others touching or using my things and if they do I get very angry and upset! Or tried to find something wrong with whatever it is they used. Well, all in all what do I do with all this if I can get passed these few things I may be OK with it all and can possibly put it behind me!!!!||Thank you for reaching out to us with your questions. I am sorry that you have been struggling to find support for your assault all of these years. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor to learn ways to manage the triggers and memories associated with your assault. WEAVE offers free short term counseling to sexual assault survivors. If you are interested in hearing more about the counseling services or would like to speak with a support line counselor you can call our 24 hour support and information line at (916)920-2952.|
I recently hung out with acquaintance thru a mutual friend.
She is good girl and I see her friends as honest people. I
guess from societies perspective I was asking for it, it
was my fault. The list can continue. But bottom line that
night did not end how I expected it to. I hung out with
animal, at the time I thought he was just a soon to become
good friend. He became touchy and after me asking he
stopped, but when the environment changed from the public
park to the privacy of his home things changed. I was raped
years ago, I blacked out and remember nothing. Nothing was
done. I was basically told to get over it; I asked for it-
It pushed me into alcohol and drugs. It took a lot for me
to change and better myself. I did, and after overcoming
that I grew to trust men. In doing so I found the man that
makes me whole the man I’m scared of losing now. I told him
how he made me just feel and I felt uncomfortable and that
I never cheated and I was in a relationship and that I
couldn’t. I kept saying I can’t, I don’t want to. He wanted
to hold me and he grew this fear over me. when I put my
shoes back on and realize getting my purse and taking off
walking wasn’t an option , for one I was far from home, two
I had some stuff in his car and he had deadbolt in the
kitchen door, the ones you open with keys. At that point I
panic and demanded to be taken home. I wanted to fight ,
but when I had earlier he just enjoyed it, he mocked me
saying how did you know I like to wrestle. I didn’t want
him, I didn’t want to give him any type of satisfaction.
But I let this unexplained fear freeze me and just take it.
As he did I couldn’t wait till it was over. The drive home
I just didn’t know how to break up with my boyfriend, I
felt like I cheated. At the end I didn’t fight. But the
word no is no and I never said yes. I don’t understand why
but I tried to understand what happened why, him why he did
it. I tried to get over it. I told my boyfriend everything.
I went to a clinic and basically received a rape kit and
the morning pill, they wanted me to report. There has been
loads of incidents when the victim gets humiliated not just
physically, emotionally but publicly and no justice is
served the sentence are petty. Did I get raped? It sure
feels like it. I know my intentions, I might be naive,
flirty and friendly but I was sober and I tried to make it
clear I didn’t want anything with him. Was it rape? Could I
pursue justice or would I be another victim of the blame of
society that makes rapist think they are not animals.
||Thank you for reaching out to us with your story and questions. What you describe is rape in that you were held against your will and did not consent to sex. He forced you and held you there against your will. As far as reporting the crime and pressing charges it is an individual decision that might help you feel more empowered. You may also qualify for counseling assistance through victims of crime compensation program. WEAVE offers free short term counseling to survivors of sexual assault and their significant others. If these are things you are more interested in learning about or if you would just like to speak with someone you can call our confidential, 24 hour Support and information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|So I’m 16 and this guy that I work with who is 34 took a joke too seriously and too far the other day and started kissing me outside of work and when I pulled back and said no he forced his tongue down my throat I don’t know what this would be considered but I don’t know what to do he also kept asking me to send nude pictures and at first I said no but I gave in because I was afraid of what he might be done.||Thank you for messaging us and letting us know what is going on. Because his actions are against the law and not okay it may be good to make a police report and speak with your supervisor at work. Do you feel that you could talk to your parents or another safe adult about what happened? If you would like to call our Support Line for more help we are available to talk 24 hours a day at (916) 920-2952. Again, his actions are not okay. I am sorry that you were scared and pressured to do things you were not comfortable with.|
|I’m 19 years old, and my dad sexually assaulted me when I was a child He doesn’t do it anymore, but I want to get counseling for it without him going to jail. I know therapists are required to report to the police if their client is a child, but since I’m over 19 is the law different?||Thank you for contacting us. Therapists are mandated reporters and may need to report if your dad has access to any children. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors of sexual assault. If you would like more information on accessing our services or just need to talk about your concerns for meeting with a counselor you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.|
|When I was 16 years old a friend of mine held a knife up to me and wouldn’t let me go. At the time he had himself exposed and told me that he would kill me if I didn’t give him a hand job. during this time he had me pinned down and kept on feeling me up I bagged him to please stop and kept on telling him that I didn’t want to but he forced me to. I’m now 28 and never told anybody what had happened till about a year ago when I told a friend . Since then I have started to have bad dreams and flash backs. My friends says that it was rape and that upsets me even more because I don’t want it to be true. Is she right?||Thank you for contacting us. I am so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like a very difficult experience. It is good that you were able to talk with your friend about what happened. Because you did not give him consent it is considered assault. It sounds like you have not been able to get support for your experience and are experiencing current distress. It may be helpful to speak with one of our counselors regarding your experience and be given tools to help you cope with the nightmares and flashbacks. If you would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916)920-2952.|
|This occurred near 20 years ago and I’ve never told anyone. I was in an 18 month vocational/technical healthcare program. The last six months were comprised of clinical rotations at local hospitals, including working with an anesthesiologist doing intubations. When done, the doctor instructed me to come to his office to retrieve my paperwork. Being unfamiliar with a strange hospital, I was unaware it was a storage closet. As soon as I entered, he locked the door and I knew I was in for trouble. He told me he would only give me my signed off paperwork if I gave him a kiss. I declined but he persisted. I finally gave him a peck on the cheek to get my papers and get out. Big mistake. He then insisted on sex. I told him I had a fiance, wasn’t on birth control, and was having my period. None of the excuses mattered to him. I kept saying no, but he finally grabbed me and held me down and assaulted me. Frankly, I feared him. He was twice my size, could have easily knocked me out, drugged me and dumped me somewhere. I guess I was in shock as all I could focus on was not being late to my after school job and getting into trouble. I told no one. I figured I would have been blamed as at fault. The doctor now practices as a pain management doctor. At graduation, I found out he tried this with all the female students. A lesbian girl who fought him off was laughing about it. The other girls that got quiet and stared at the ground, I figured were potential other victims. I also got Chlamydia from the encounter. I told my fiance/now husband about this 20 years after the fact. He cried that I had this happen to me and asked why I didn’t tell him when it happened or didn’t report it or go for counseling. I was ashamed and figured the young girl would have been blamed. My husband helped me see that this had nothing to do with like, love, flirtation, or sex, but everything to do with power, force, and domination. It sickens me that this happened and the man is still practicing. I guess too much time has passed to report him.||Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have been holding on to this for a long time. I am so glad that you were able to get support and comfort from your husband. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors of sexual assault and you may find it helpful to meet with a counselor. You mentioned feeling like it has been too long to report him. If he is still practicing medicine you may be able to file a claim with his licensing board. Your husband was right to share with you that assault is never the victims fault and that it is about power and control. If you would like to learn more about our counseling services or to speak with a support line worker please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|When I was my brother in law Inappropriately touched me, I am now 23 & this has all come out in the open which I didn’t want it to I haven’t gone to the police because I wanted my sister to believe me first who’s still married the man.. She said she believes me & now I have just received a letter from the brother in law saying if I don’t take back what has been said he will get me done for slander & harassment what do I do now? Can he do that?||It took a lot of courage for you to tell your story and to let your sister know what happened to you. It may be helpful to see if you can consult with an attorney to see what your rights are. If you would like to call our Support Line we can offer you legal referrals and see if you qualify for legal assistance with our agency. We are able to provide limited legal help and serve Sacramento County. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached at (916)920-2952.|
|My dad sexually assaulted me when I was younger, and I’ve never told anyone. I want to go to counseling, but I know that therapists are required to tell the police. He doesn’t do it anymore, and I do not want to press any legal charges. How can I get help without sending my dad to jail?||You ask a very difficult question because anyone working with children is legally required to make a police or CPS report. This is not only for your safety but for the safety of any children your father may have access to. The law is in place to protect everyone and not put the burden of responsibility on you. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time and that you are going through this. If you would like to speak with a counselor or get more information regarding counseling our Support Line is answered 24 hours a day. You can reach the Support Line by calling (916)920-2952.|
|I have a question, My boyfriend would wake me up for morning sex which was fine because I was always awake and I always consented, but one morning I woke up I still had my clothes on but he was dry humping me and he was cumming as soon as I woke up, I just laid there in shock because he did not try and wake me up and he didn’t know that I woke up when he was finishing, it made me feel very violated like I was just used for him to get off basically. I don’t know if that’s normal or if I’m just over reacting.||Thank you for asking us for help. What you are describing is not normal as you were asleep and your boyfriend did not receive your consent. If you are feeling violated and uncomfortable it is for a reason. Even though you had your clothes on it still does not make it okay as he did not receive your permission.|
|Recently, my 16 yr. old son has been a very rebellious teen, so I put him on a program at the high school where it was like probation. They could come to our apartment anytime and search it for any reason. He tested positive for drugs at one visit. There were several problems that week with him and the police had to come out. I was told by management when he ran away that I am not allowed to have the police there again or I would be evicted. The police came out again to check and see if my son had returned, He had not returned. So the landlord told me I had to move out, if the police came out to my apartment again. Later that week, someone broke into my apartment while I was home and I was assaulted and raped. I did as I was directed and did not call the police. I had already turned in my 60 days’ notice to vacate and am moving out on Feb 15. When I turned in the notice to vacate I was told to take my money and move out. I have a $1798 security deposit here, and my rent is $398 a month. I therefore did not pay January’s rent as I was verbally told. I did not call the cops as I was told. I did nothing. My attacker came back and I was raped again. I still did nothing because I was told not to, I had my vacate notice turned in and did not want any more trouble. I then called the office to verify that I was leaving on the 15th of Feb. They said ok. I came home that night to find a 3 day notice to pay rent or quit notice on my door. This was on Feb. 6th. So now I’m supposed to move out on the 10th of Feb. I have nowhere to go, and still have another son at home who has autism. My next home will not be ready for me until the 15th. And what if this person comes back and hurts me again, or worse yet kills me and my son? I don’t know what to do; there is no one I can tell. Please help me. I live in Riverside County, California. Also, the attacker can come in because they have never fixed the slider door, which refuses to lock. Can anyone tell me what to do?||It sounds like a very difficult and scary situation. If you have not already contacted the Fair housing council in Riverside it may be helpful to do so. They can inform you of your rights and maybe provide you with additional resources. Their number is (951) 682-6581 and their address is 3933 Mission Inn Ave.Riverside, CA 92501 (951) 682-6581. For your safety it may be necessary to call the police. Contacting local homeless shelters may be an option as you are in transition between your current and next apartment.|
|I’m not sure what is going on in my mind but everything is coming up. I’m 49 now but when I was 8 my uncle had sex with me and as an adult he would ask sexual questions and statements like I want to see your boobs or just I want to have sex. So 2 years ago I finally told another uncle about it and I feel like shit for telling him and now I feel like he hates me because the uncle that abused me passed away last year. I also had a sales boss when I was fifteen and he had me do oral sex with him and sex and I’m so confused why I still went around him for 2 years and I hated it then and even more now. I also dealt with my older son being sexually fondled by an old man in our neighborhood when he was 7. Then I found out that my step son was sexually assaulting my daughter from age 5 to 8. I divorced my husband then re married and my now ex-husband was orally sexually abusing my mentally disable son from age 14 until he was 20 and last but not least I was grabbed by a guest at work- he grabbed me between the legs and that was four years ago. I’m going through all this coming up in my mind and it won’t stop the guilt of not seeing the signs of my ex assaulting my son and telling my uncle about my other uncle. I wish I never told him but I thought it would help them help him with his addiction. I just want to feel better but I feel like all this was all my fault. I should have known better and I should have seen the signs but didn’t. I feel like I failed my children and myself.||It sounds like you are having a really difficult time and dealing with really tough memories and feelings. It is good that you are reaching out for help. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor regarding your trauma experiences and the difficulty you are having now. WEAVE offers free, short term counseling for survivors and significant others of sexual assault. If you would like more information or if you would just like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|I was sexually assaulted by someone my boyfriend and I considered a close friend. Now my boyfriend cannot accept that I had no part in “leading this person on”, because it took me a couple of weeks to tell him what happened. He interpreted this delay as guilt. How do I make him understand that this was not my fault?||First, I want to say that I am sorry that this happened to you. It must be even more difficult to be dealing with your boyfriends reaction on top of the assault. It may be helpful for your boyfriend to get some education regarding sexual assault and trauma responses. He can do this by calling our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916)920-2952. If you would like to get some support regarding the assault WEAVE offers free short-term counseling services for survivors of sexual assault. If you would like to speak with a support line worker and would like more information on accessing counseling services you may also call the Support Line. Again, I am sorry that this happened and that you are not getting the support that you need right now from your boyfriend.|
|My friend had said her and her male friend were watching a movie and things got heated up, and then when the sex started the women didn’t want it anymore. Knowing that the male was stronger then her, she didn’t do anything but say no. And he didn’t stop, so she told him to just give her a line of reassurance and so he did. And people are saying that its not sexual assault or rape, but I think it is in a way.||Based on what you are saying it sounds like your friend was assaulted. She did not want to have sex with him and told him no and he did not listen. Its good that your friend felt safe to talk with you about what happened. If she would like to speak with a counselor or a Support Line counselor she is welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|I was sexually assaulted in the ninth grade by an acquaintance of my boyfriend at the time. I myself did not know him. Seems like he came to my school just for this attack. I broke up with the boyfriend for other reasons the following year. I have had no contact with boyfriend for 40 years. A few years ago we began talking and being friends again. I have assumed that my ex has had no contact with my assailant for all these years, and I don’t think he has, but, I recently found my assailant on my ex’s friend list on social media and was stunned! My ex just keeps saying, “let it go, forget about it, please drop this”. Am I wrong for being shocked that my ex would want to still be friends with this evil man? Is it usual for men to be so forgiving of their girlfriend’s attackers? I’ve even reminded my ex in detail what happened to me and he is so sorry, but he won’t answer any of my questions about this event, it’s like he’s hiding something……was he involved in some way? I wonder.||Unfortunately I cannot say whether or not you e-boyfriend is hiding anything regarding your assault but it does sound like you are having a very difficult time right now. It is common to be triggered by seeing your attacker and can be retraumatizing. Talking to your ex about the assault must have taken a lot of courage. It may be helpful to process your feelings and questions with a counselor. If you are in the Sacramento area and would like more information regarding the counseling services WEAVE offers you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.|
|I dated my boyfriend for a while…then on the 4th he forced himself on me and i opened a case,he got arrested and as time went by they asked if i would allow it if he gets a bail with conditions and i agreed because the thought of him in jail was eating me up and still is…i know this might sound crazy but i still love him…would it be wise to drop the case?||It may be helpful to call the Support Line to speak with a counselor to process your feelings about him and dropping the charges. Being assaulted by someone you care about poses additional challenges and emotions. Our Support Line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952.|
I feel really embarrassed about saying this because i feel
like i’m not worthy of feeling as bad about it as i do…
but I’ve been thinking about it so much recently probably
because it was this time of year it happened. two years ago
my boyfriend at the time and i were in school and we ended
up in a music cupboard together and we’d done sexual stuff
together before but this was different. He closed the
cupboard door and asked to finger me and i said no i don’t
want to but then he put his hand down my trousers and i
said no, stop it i don’t want you to, and he thought i was
joking probably so i tried to make him stop and go out the
door but he wouldn’t let me past and he kept on touching me
and i kept telling him to stop and i felt so so embarrassed
and i really didn’t want him to do it and when it was over
i tried my best to act okay but after he’d gone i went to
the toilets and couldn’t stop crying. i know there are a
lot worse things that happen to people so i feel so silly
saying this here but its been really bothering me and i
just feel like i need to tell someone because i haven’t
been able to tell anyone else because when i tried to tell
my best friend at the time she said i was lying and that
she was going to tell my boyfriend at the time (i was
really scared of this happening because he was quite scary,
like he got really really angry sometimes and i was scared
of what he was going to do and i wasn’t allowed to go out
and if i did he’d threaten to kill himself) i just cant get
it out of my head. I told him no and he didn’t listen.. I
told him again and he still didn’t but i cant do anything
because, it’s not classed as rape, right? I just don’t know
what to do.. i cant get it out of my head.
this boyfriend is now my ex by the way, but he was my boyfriend at the time it happened. (i was 14 at the time and he was 16).
I’m still scared of him now though and when i see any of his friends or see him i have a panic attack i just don’t want to see him ever.
|I am so sorry that you are not feeling that your feelings or your experience are worthy of time. From what you shared it sounds like a very scary situation and a scary relationship. It is very common for there to be feelings and memories brought up around the time of year that an assault happened. I say assault because it was an unwelcome experience and you did not give your consent for him to be touching you. Rape is unwanted sexual contact and he used force to touch you and keep you there against your will. I am also sorry that your friend did not provide you with the support that you needed. It may be helpful to get counseling for your experience as you are continuing to experience anxiety and difficulty when you see him or his friends. WEAVE offers free counseling services and can provide you with support. If you are interested in counseling or think that you would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952.|
|So I’m dating this girl, and her sister was raped. That has already been settled with, but she also told me she was touched by her boyfriend, now her ex, and I didn’t really think anything about it. I finally got to talk to him and I asked him what he did and he sexually assaulted her. He touched her vagina area and put his hands in her pants and was touching her butt when she didn’t want it. I told her I tell her mother and we agreed to tell her when we hang out again, but I dunno how to tell the mother. I feel so bad and angry. By the way I’m pretty young I’m 13. Do you have an tips?||First, I want to say that it is good that you want to speak with her mom about what happened so that she can start the healing process. It may be helpful to let the mom know that you have something difficult to share with her. You can also give her our phone number (916) 920-2952 so that she can speak with a Support line Counselor. WEAVE offers free, short-term counseling services to support persons and individuals who have been assaulted. It may be comforting for her mom to know that there is somewhere that they can get help. At 13, I think it is really commendable that you are recognizing that this behavior is wrong and that safe adults should be involved.|
|My guy friend and I liked each other. One day, he asked me to on a date; I agreed. We went to dinner and a movie that night.We still wanted to hang out, so we decided to get drinks after. He then asked two of his guy friends to come with us, so all four of us went and I was the only female. The first bar we went to, his friend ordered shots for all of us. I agreed to take it because I didn’t know his friend too well and wanted to be polite. I said that’s all I’m drinking, but then they kept ordering group shots for all of us until it became one shot right after another, and we ended up bar hopping. I felt this false sense of trust because my friend was there, but I was wrong. At the end of the night, I was blacking in and out. The last thing I remember clearly was passing out on the floor beside his bed. Everything else was a blur. I woke up that morning without clothes on. I knew it was him who undressed me because I never initiate such things. I was trying to remember what happened, I was upset and confused so I cried after thinking what could have happened. He woke up and told me to go back to bed. A little bit later, he asked if I was still drunk and I didn’t say anything because I was too upset and confused. He pulled out his private part and started again. I kept saying I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know but fell on deaf ears. Is this sexual assault? PS. He’s been trying to have sex with me before, but I always said no. He even told me that the only way to get me to do anything with him was to get me drunk…||Thank you for contacting us. From what you describe it does sound like assault. You did not give him consent and he had sex with you without you wanting him to. It sounds like it was a very upsetting and confusing situation made worse by him being your friend. Most sexual assaults happen by someone known to the victim and it is often someone they trust. It may be helpful for you to speak with a counselor regarding your experience and your feelings. What he did was not okay. You can reach a support line counselor by calling (916) 920-2952. I am sorry that this happened and we are here to help you. Our Support Line is confidential and operated 24/7.|
|I was molested when i was 5 years old and I am 19 years old now and I have talked to him. We love each-other but apart of me says this is wrong and I shouldn’t feel these things.I remember everything that happened when I was 5 and he went to prison for 2 years. Why is it that I love him ?||Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us as you ask a very complex question. Without knowing who this person is to you it may be difficult to give you a complete answer. Sexual abuse can be not only scary but hold a lot of difficult and confusing feelings. If you were molested at age 5 by a caregiver or a trusted individual it can create complex emotions and even make you question what healthy relationships look like. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor either at our counseling office or on our confidential 24 hour Support Line. Counseling information and support can be found by calling the Support Line at (916) 920-2952.|
|Exactly a month ago my step dad molested me. My mom and my step dad were pretty buzzed and on the brink of drunk, from what I could tell. He came and sat down next to me on the couch and we began talking about various things as we ALWAYS did. While we were talking he began to massage my legs and feet, which was nothing out of the ordinary. He had never indicated to me that he thought of me in any other way than a completely platonic way. Eventually, we kept talking, but he became more and more handsy. I sat up, gently pushed him off of me, despite the fact that I wanted to punch and kick him, he offered no resistance, didn’t look him in the eye or at his face, and said “I need to go to bed” and walked to my room, got on my pajamas, and turned off my light and got in bed. I have no idea what I feel right now. I am so confused. I am angry. I am sad. I am frustrated. I love him and yet I don’t. I miss him and yet I don’t. The main battle in my head right now is that I don’t know if the past 6 years of love that we shared are for nothing. Are they invalidated? That is the biggest thing that I am confused about. I feel like I am going to explode if I can’t talk about it to somebody outside of my immediate family. Do you think it is a good or bad idea? Some of my questions are: Should I love him? Can I? Did he cheat on my mom? Does his possible mental illness have any bearing on my loving the old or new him? How do I make myself feel better? How do I communicate with him to find out why? Should I tell my friends?||Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us for help. It can be a very scary and confusing time following an assault. The fact that the person who hurt you is someone that you trusted adds to the confusion and can create very conflicting emotions. It is understandable that you do not know what you should do or feel at this time. It can be helpful to give yourself time to heal. It is hard to say how long these feelings will be there as each person processes trauma differently. It is good that you have your mom’s support but it may be helpful to reach out to others. Because of your age a counselor would be mandated to report child abuse as what your step dad did was not only wrong but illegal. If you would like to speak with a counselor we have trained staff available to take your call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The number for the Support Line is (916) 920-2952.|
I was sexually abused 6 years ago repressed the memories and after a long line of drugs and alcohol I recently started remembering bits and pieces of my uncle assaulting me. I’ve tried to get sober but with the new memories I cannot cope without the drugs.
How can I handle this? I’m afraid it’s going to end my life because I can’t get a handle on things.
|It takes a lot of courage to look at your substance abuse and try to make a change. It sounds like you are at a place in your life where you want something to shift and it can be very difficult to do so without support. It may be helpful to look into NA meetings and getting in touch with a sponsor. In addition to working on the drug addiction it can be helpful to get support through counseling. It can be difficult to get any therapeutic work done while under the influence. WEAVE offers free, short term counseling for survivors of sexual assault. If this is something you are interested in or if you just need someone to talk to or referrals you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. Again, it is hard to get sober and heal from sexual abuse all on your own. We are here to help you on your journey to healing.|
|3 years ago, I sat next to this guy in one of my classes and it was okay at first, but then he started touching my leg and putting his hand up the side of my skirt. I was so scared and embarrassed, I thought it was my fault that it was happening. I skipped class as much as I could, hoping he would get the hint but it didn’t work! He carried on every lesson for about 2 months, then the seating plan changed and I was free of him but I didn’t feel free! I still feel embarrassed, my confidence is gone, I don’t trust boys, I flinch when people touch me and I just don’t know what to do?||I am so sorry that you went through that. It sounds like it was very scary. What he did was not your fault and it sounds like you are still experiencing a lot of distress from his abuse. It may be helpful to speak with a counselor so that they can assist you in processing your feelings. Speaking with a counselor may be helpful in rebuilding your self confidence and feeling safe. WEAVE provides free short term counseling services for survivors of sexual assault. You can call our 24 hour Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 for more assistance. Again, its not your fault and with help its possible to start feeling better.|
|A few days ago i was on holiday and had my third massage with a man who’d been treating my neck. We got on well and chatted but this time he was asking me about boyfriends etc. and i felt a bit awkward about it all. Then he kept telling me that even though he was a masseuse he could be very violent and was strong because he was also a boxer. I was lying on my back with my eyes closed when a few minutes later he kissed me. I froze and my heart was pounding because i was so scared but i didn’t stop him straight away because i was so scared and confused and i was thinking ‘this isn’t actually happening’. It was when he started moving the towel off me so i was virtually naked on the table and he touched my breast that i fully realized and said ‘no’. He did pull away and say sorry but i just said its okay because i was so confused and i really didn’t understand what was happening. But then he tried to kiss me again but i said no again so he stopped. Then when i asked to leave he wouldn’t let me and made me have the remaining half hour of my massage. I was so panicked that i acted completely normal and pretended it hadn’t happened (as he told me to). He’s at least 15 years older than me and i can’t stop thinking about it. I feel sick with him but also disgusted at myself for not stopping it sooner and i feel like I’m partly to blame because I’d been friendly chatting before also. Is this assault or not and am i overreacting? I just feel disgusted or detached since it happened and i don’t know what to do.||I am so sorry that happened. You are not to blame. What he did was completely uncalled for and not okay. You went to him to get a massage as that is his job. It’s understandable that you were scared and did not know what to do. He made a point to tell you before he started touching you inappropriately that he could be violent. You told him no and you asked him to leave and he still would not leave you alone. His actions were wrong. You are not to blame. If you would like someone to talk to and process your feelings you are welcome to give us a call on our 24 hour Support and Information Line. You can contact us by calling (916) 920-2952. Again, I am sorry that this happened. You are not alone, we are here to help you.|
|May 17, 1994 that was my high school graduation and there was a party at motel 6. All of us were there (the whole class), I had never drunk or smoke weed, but there was plenty of it there. One classmate made me a drink and I took a few sips. After a few minutes, I felt woozy and passed out. When I opened my eyes, two of my classmates were holding me down and the other one was on top of me. I started screaming and fighting to get loose, until the one on top of me started punching me in my face. The lights were off, but I heard other classmates in the room laughing, saying, “Man, I wish I had my video camera, so I can get this on tape.’ Everyone watched while the three of them beat and raped me. Afterwards they all left. I found my underwear in the corner and my nose was bleeding, my lip was busted, and I had a swollen black eye. I never pressed charges, because I was ashamed and I felt guilty. It had mentally destroyed me. I felt like every time I came out my house, people were talking about me, I began hearing voices of people saying that’s her, that the girl that they jumped on. After about 2 weeks of that, I moved to another state alone. I’ve been here in MN ever since. My question is now that its 2014, I recently joined Facebook and I saw one of my attacker and most of my classmates. At least 20 of them have sent me friend request that I have declined. I have never been to any of our class reunions and I have had no desire to see anyone from my class. I live with what happen to me, there is never a day that goes by that I don’t remember. I know they remember. They watched!!! I am now a manic depressive with suicidal tendencies. How can I just forget? Should I delete my fb page? It’s too late to press charges. So how can I heal?||It sounds like a very difficult situation and you pose a very good question. It can be very difficult to heal from sexual assault and finding an empathetic therapist may be helpful in moving forward especially with the recent triggers of the friend requests on Facebook. If you are feeling that it is too overwhelming or not helpful for your healing process and wellbeing than suspending or deleting your Facebook account may be a good idea. With social media it is now much easier to be in contact with people you do and do not want to have contact with. Because you are in a different state than where we work it may be helpful to contact a local rape crisis center for support. The National DV hotline should have some local resources for you. The number for the National DV hotline is 1-800-799-7233|
|When I was 18, I was staying at my boyfriend’s. I was going to community college, my car had broken down, and their house was closest to the school. My boyfriend’s dad attempted to rape me. He was using force and threats. I was crying, told him not to rape me, and that I loved his son. He stopped, told me he loved me like his daughter, and not to tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone. About two weeks later he had me alone again and tried again with more force and threats…it only stopped because his other son came home early…didn’t see anything, didn’t see me, the dad told him we were planning my boyfriend’s birthday. That was 11 years ago. He is now my father in law…I married that boyfriend, his son, when I was 21. We have a 7 year old daughter. I worry about my daughter’s safety and mine still…from her grandfather and father (my husband)…is it too late or inadvisable to try to press charges?||Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like a really scary situation. There are a couple of things that you can do. The first, you may call our Support Line at (916) 920-2952 and they can fill out a legal referral form and connect you with the Legal Department who can review your legal options with you. Second, the Support Line can also give you information regarding free sexual assault counseling at our Counseling Center. I am so sorry that you have had to live with this fear for the past 11 years. We are here to help you.|
My ex keeps texting me nasty things about my penis size, it
makes me feel awkward and hurt.i cannot block his number as
we have a child together. Am I able to file a harassment
charge or anything?
This happens in the state of Michigan if that makes any difference
|Unfortunately I am not able to provide you with specifics of what help you can access in Michigan regarding your legal rights. It may be helpful to call a local domestic violence agency near you so that they may be able to provide you with information. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and they can provide you with local agencies. I am sorry that you are going through this as it sounds like it is very hurtful. I am sorry that we could not be of more help.|
|There’s a guy in my classes, and he keeps touching me in a nasty way. My girlfriend has the same testing room as him, and I feel like he is going to try and touch her too. What do I do?||I am so sorry that is happening to you. If you can tell the teacher or a school administrator what is happening they should intervene and have him stop. It could be helpful to let your friend know what is happening as well so that she is aware. It sounds like a very uncomfortable and scary situation and it is not okay that he is doing this to you.|
Almost a year ago I was sexually molested by someone I had
considered a very close friend. We were on a retreat and
drinking was involved–however I was completely aware of
what was happening and was in too much shock to do anything
as I lie there frozen….I couldn’t sleep for long and left
the room where I was sleeping very early in the morning.
The next morning he said he was remorsefully sorry and that
he was drunk and really didn’t understand why he did what
he did…I felt so uncomfortable, I told two of my girl
friends also on the trip in private what had happened. One
of them said not to tell my boyfriend, and that what our
guy friend did was just a small mistake. My other girl
friend said that “he probably didn’t do it on purpose” and
that deep down everyone and she knows that “he’s a good
guy” and they’re sure it was a mistake….
From this day on I felt like I couldn’t even turn to my friends because they had all given him the freebie pass, like because he is considered a good guy, it was okay for him to do what he did. It pisses me off…am I wrong in feeling this way? I started to even consider that THEY may be right and that he is a good guy and it was just a mistake….I’m just so confused.
|Your feelings are completely valid and it is unfortunate that you did not get the support that you needed from your friends. Even if your friend was drunk when it happened it does not excuse his actions. If you would like support from a counselor WEAVE offers short-term, free sexual assault counseling. sometimes it can be helpful to get support from someone who does not know the other person and can offer you support in a safe and confidential setting. If this is something you are interested in or if you would like to get support over the phone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. Again, your feelings are valid and what happened was not okay|
|I just found out my 17 year old sister was raped numerous times when she was 5 yrs by a cousin( at that time he was 16) I am very angry and confused i don’t know what to do to help my parent and my sister with this. We just found out because she has been giving us many problems with drugs and alcohol. Please what can i do should i just get her counseling? what do i do with my cousin?||Thank you for reaching out to us for help. Because your sister is a minor a counselor would be mandated to report the sexual abuse. If your cousin has access to other children it would also be helpful for CPS to be notified. If you would like for us to make the report for you, you can call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. WEAVE provides up to 8 free counseling sessions for individuals who have been assaulted as well as their significant others. If this is something you are interested in please call our Information and Support Line for for more information. I am sorry to hear that this happened to your sister but it is good that she is reaching out for help|
|My 7 year old granddaughter told me that her moms live in boyfriend keeps tickling her and won’t stop when she asks him to. Is this a sign of something more? I haven’t told my son yet (her father). I don’t want my granddaughter to think that if she tells me something I’m going to tell but this is worrisome to me||It is good that your granddaughter felt that she could talk to you about this. Because she brought it up it may indicate that it is bothering her and that she wanted your help. Even if it is not a sign of something more it is showing that although she is telling him to stop tickling her that her words and boundaries are not being listened to. It may be helpful to let your granddaughter know that you would like to talk to her father about this and that she is not in trouble for sharing.|
|My boyfriend of a little over a year told me today that when he was 13 and his sister was 14 he went into her room while she was sleeping and began having sex with her. After about 2 or 3 minutes he realized what he was doing was wrong and his sister then woke up. He told his parents and his sister hated him for years. Just this past year she finally forgave him for what he’d done, but he still blames himself for all the pain he caused her, her relationships with men now and their lack of relationship with their father. I can see he is extremely remorseful and he says I am the only person outside of his immediate family that he has ever told. I want to help him but at the same time I’m shocked and worried. He seemed like my soul mate but this secret is very disturbing and I don’t know how to handle it and I would prefer not to tell my friends. I told him I would help him get counseling or to even see a priest in a private confessional. What should I do?||
It sounds like a very difficult situation and very surprising
news for you to receive from your boyfriend. It is
understandable that you are finding
yourself questioning what you should do. Unfortunately we cannot say what you should and should not do with the information that you have. It may be important to listen to your instincts and decide from there. WEAVE offers support 24 hours a day through our confidential Support and Infortmation Line. It may help to speak with a counselor about how this news is impacting you. The number for the Support Line is (916) 920-2952.
I need an attorney who can help me with a sexual harassment
case , i am scared because it is a large company, I have
photos sent to me by my boss of his private parts, and
more, I was fired in one month I feel because i would not
Is there any attorneys who work on a contingency plan ?
I cannot sleep at night , and have been very depressed, and feel violated
can you help?
|Thank you for your email. It sounds like a very difficult and scary situation. I think calling our Support Line would be helpful to get legal referrals and we can complete a form to see if our Legal Department may be able to be of any assistance. It may be helpful to file a police report. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916) 920-2952.|
|My 16 year old daughter came to me tonight. She wanted to tell me that her step dad my husband back in ‘06 when he was a raging alcoholic sexually molested her twice. Since then he’s been sober and has done a 180 after a 6 month se pertain him and I had back then. She says he doesn’t know and she hasn’t told him. She swears that he’s never done it but that one time. She claims to not want him to go to jail. Instead she asked if the three of us can go to counseling to rebuild the trust she used to have with him. That there are small triggers like when he yells because she is back talking that she has fears. I feel like my worlds been torn upside down. First off I believe her he was a nasty person then which is why we deprecated. I just don’t know what to say to her. She is begging me not to say anything until I find a counselor. But I told her now that I know I have to protect her and her four siblings. Life will be different now. I guess my question is, is counseling an option for us all to rebuild without our family being torn apart further?||Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like it took a lot of courage for your daughter to speak with you and for you to reach out to us. Even though the crime occurred in 2006 because your daughter is a minor and there is other children in the home a counselor would be mandated to make a CPS report for safety of the children. As with other professionals, counselors are mandated reporters of child abuse. Unfortunately I cannot say how counseling would impact your family but it does sound like your daughter is reaching out for help.|
|My cousin made me feel awkward.he will ask do you have a boyfriend.one time my aunt had a cookout and when he go pass me he touches my butt. he try to touch me more but we are never alone. i tried to tell my mom or my family.”you like that attention”.they would say i feel alone who do you think i should talk to?||I am so sorry that you did not get the response that you needed from your family. It takes a lot of courage to speak up and I think you are very brave. It is not right that your cousin is touching you and making you feel uncomfortable. Do you have a trusted adult, teacher or school counselor that you can talk to? Sometimes it can be discouraging to tell an adult and not have a safe resolution. If you do not feel that you have anyone else you can talk to you may call our Support Line and speak with a trained counselor. Our Support Line is answered 24 hours a day. The number is (916) 920-2952|
|I was raped last year by a stranger. I cannot tell anybody because my parents don’t talk to me a is and i don’t really have any friends at school. I am kind of like friends with teacher but i don’t know if i should tell her. I don’t want anybody to see me differently. I am basically the quietest teenager you would ever meet. When i try to say something nothing comes out. Should i try to say something? I haven’t been sleeping or eating lately….||I am so sorry to hear that you have been struggling with this secret for a year. It must be really hard not knowing who you can talk to or how to even get the words out. The inability to speak and the fear that you will be looked at or treated differently are very common concern following an assault. I am glad that you listed safe adults that you think you can talk to. Their job is to help you and to help you feel safe. You can also give our 24 hour Support and Information Line a call and speak with one of our trained counselors. We are here to help you so that you do not have to go through this by yourself. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line number is (916)920-2952.|
|Two nights ago I had a party at my house. I share a bedroom with my roommate and there are two beds in the room. Earlier in the night I had consensual sex with my boyfriend. We went back downstairs to party more. Eventually, I went upstairs to go to bed and my boyfriend stayed downstairs with our friends. A guy that had been invited to the party was sleeping in my roommate’s bed. Not thinking anything of it, I went to my bed and tried to fall asleep. I woke up to this guy sitting on my bed asking if he could sleep in my bed with me. I told him no and to go back to the other bed. I fell asleep, and woke up to someone laying behind me and touching me all over. I was half asleep and thought it was my boyfriend so I grabbed his hand and guided it to my breasts, getting into it. I woke up a little more and was about to turn over to kiss my boyfriend when I realized that his hands were smaller. I asked who it was and was surprised to find that the person who was touching me wasn’t my boyfriend. It was the guy who I had told earlier to go away. I screamed and told him to get out of my bed and my room. He got out. I called to police and they came to take my statement but they said since I guided his hand on my body that it wasn’t sexual assault. They said even though I thought it was my boyfriend that I was consenting to him touching me and when I told him to stop he did so there is nothing I can do about it. I still feel really violated and embarrassed. But is there really nothing the police can do just because I thought it was someone else and didn’t stop it until I realized it wasn’t the right person touching me? I didn’t want him to do that and he waited until I was asleep to crawl into my bed anyways. I just need some help with this because I’m upset that the police won’t help.||While I do not know all of the laws and cannot speak from a legal perspective it does sound like you did everything that you could do and that you were right in calling the police. That man had no right to be in your bed and you did not know it was not your boyfriend. It must have been a very troubling night and I am sorry that you did not get the support that you needed from law enforcement. If you would like to speak with a counselor and get some support regarding this assault you are welcome to call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952 to get more information on how to access free counseling services.|
|I am a widowed mother of three girls, 17 1/2, 17 1/2, 20 yrs old. I have been in a relationship with a man (46 yrs old) for 5 yrs now. We have all had a very close loving relationship and my girls even call him dad. He does not live with us, but we have all functioned very much as a close family. The other night has devastated us all. He is not normally a drinker and had drunk several drinks. I fell asleep on the couch and he and one of my 17 yr daughters were up talking. My daughter said that he started talking about odd things and he proceeded to come on to her by touching her butt and boob. She got up and went to her room and he started sobbing on the couch. I awoke and kicked him out and have not conversed with him since. We are all so distraught, angry, and confused. My daughter does not want him to go to jail, but is angry. I don’t want to betray my daughter, nor do I want my other daughters to ever blame her for him being gone. If we talk to a therapist, are they obligated to report him? He is no longer around. My daughters are my first priority. This has never happened before. I need to know what I should do||I am sorry that your family is going through this as it must be very devastating. Yes, a therapist would be mandated to report the crime as it was inappropriate touching of a child. It sounds like you have been trying to do the right thing by keeping him away from your children. It is also good that you believed your daughter when she told you what had happened.|
|When I was 8 my guy cousin touched me and until this day he still does (I’m 14 and he is 20). I’m really confused and don’t know what to do, I’m scared if I tell my parents my whole family is going to fall apart! I really need help…what should I do?||First, what your cousin is doing is not your fault. If you told your family what has been happening any consequences would be on him as he is the one responsible for his inappropriate and illegal actions. I am so sorry that you have had to hold on to this secret. It must be very scary. What he is doing is not right and it is against the law. If you would like to talk to someone about what you are going through you may call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952. We are mandated reporters so we would have to make a report but you should not have to be holding on to these secret and troubling emotions|
|is there anyway i can file a police report for my ex that is calling me while they are having sex????||I do not know if the police would take a report but if your ex is harrassing you it can be helpful to keep a record of the times you are getting these calls. There may be some other options that could be helpful such as blocking their number, changing your number, and looking into a restraining order should you feel unsafe|
|I’m not sure if this counts as harassment and I had kind of stopped thinking about it but I can’t get it out of my head now, I’m 21 right now. When I was 6 years old me and my older cousin were playing, he was 18 at the time. While playing he started tickling me and tried unzipping my frock, I thought it was a mistake so I kind of zipped it back up but then he did it again, I felt weird but didn’t know what to do so zipped it back up again but he did it once more. He then asked me to tickle him saying that he isn’t ticklish, I tried tickling him since he said I should try and although I felt weird I still tried tickling him. But I felt really weird doing that so I kind of ran away, I don’t remember all the details what I did after that but this incident sticks out and recently my cousin has been having marital issues and his wife has filed for divorce and I can’t stop feeling guilty that somehow this is my fault.||It sounds like what happened made you feel very uncomfortable. At 6 years old you were able to recognize that whatever was happening did not feel right to you. Your cousin was an adult and you were a child. You are not to blame for his actions. I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now and his impending divorce may have caused you to continue to be thinking of this incident. If you would like to get support regarding your feelings you are welcome to call our 24 hour support and information line to speak with a counselor. The Support Line may be reached by calling (916) 920-2952. It is important to remind yourself that it is not your fault, you were just a child and he was an adult|
|one day my brother tried touching me at night so i told my sisters and he got in big trouble and it has ruined my childhood.1 year and some months ago and i cant get over the fact my brother would try to touch me like that - his youngest sister of 10 years and who always looked up to him. i was 14 when it happened. i don’t talk to him and when i don’t he says i’m rude and ignorant and wants me to apologize for being rude to him but i tell him no! and that i don’t want us to be brother and sisters and don’t want to talk to him. am i doing something wrong? what should i do?||It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in and it must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell your sisters about what he was doing. It also takes a lot of courage to continue to tell him no. Ultimately it is up to you to decide who you do and do not want in your life. It does not sound like he has been the safest person to be around and it is understandable that you do not feel comfortable with him. If you would like support regarding your decision to set limits with him and to talk about your feelings we have counselors on call 24 hours a day on our Support Line. You are welcome to call our Support and Information line at (916) 920-2952|
|What resources are available where I can search to describe the problem of “Human Sex Trafficking In the United States?”||
Some resources include: Polaris Project, “Sex
Trafficking in the U.S.”:
U.S. Dept. of State, Office to Monitor and Combat
Trafficking in Persons: www.state.gov/j/tip/index.htm
Trafficking in Persons (TIP) Report: http://www.state.gov/j/tip/rls/tiprpt/. Prostitution Research & Education, all trafficking-related sub-tabs under “Library” tab: http://prostitutionresearch.com
|i don’t know what to do I saw pictures on my cousin phone of her 9 year old daughter naked please help should i confront her or go to the police||Thank you for contacting us regarding your question as it is a very serious situation. For the child’s safety it would be best to contact the police and child protective services. After you call them it will be up to them to follow up accordingly. It must have been very alarming for you to see those pictures. By calling the appropriate authorities they can work to investigate the situation and then it is no longer on your shoulders and is up to them to act. I am sorry that that happened and am so glad that you reached out for support.|
|When I was ages 12-13 my (ex) boyfriend who is the same age as me fingered me and had me give him a hand job. He emotionally manipulated me in the fact that he would break up with me if I didn’t let him finger me and if I didn’t give him a hand job. He also emotionally manipulated me In the same way, into sending him inappropriate photos via text. Is this sexual assault? Or is it really all my fault? Once or twice I said no but he didn’t listen so I just gave up. Once I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I had to physically remove his hand from my vagina… Is this sexual assault? Or sexual abuse? What degree of sexual assault/abuse is this? I haven’t told anyone and I won’t tell anyone I just want to know if what happened to me is against the law.||I am so sorry that he did that to you. It must have been very scary and confusing. Any sexual act that is unwanted or coerced is not okay. From what you describe it sounds like there was emotional and sexual abuse within your relationship. If you would like more information regarding teen dating violence and the services WEAVE provides that may help you process your abuse you can call our 24 hour Support and Information line to speak with a counselor. Our phone number is (916) 920-2952. Again, I am sorry this happened and I think it takes a lot of courage to reach out for help.|
|People below my apartment are banging, screaming and cursing after 12 am. The landlord wants to make me move out. He does not do anything about it I feel like sexual harassment what should i do||
It sounds like a difficult situation. It may be helpful to
contact the Fair Housing Commission to see what your rights
are and if there is any assistance they may be able to
provide. Their contact information is
1112 I St Sacramento, CA 95814 (916) 444-6903
|I wonder if u could give me some advice. I’m feeling suicidal and feeling violated but not sure I have reason to be feeling either if these things. I’m bipolar so unsure if I’m just depressed. My boyfriend started using drugs and gets verbally aggressive. Last time this happened I begged him to let me sleep and he did so, until I woke up startled to find him ‘invading my personal space’ in a sexual manner. I feel violated but he said he didn’t know I was asleep. Is this just a mistake on his part or have I been assaulted? It’s happened a couple if times and both times I expressed my horror, kicked him and screamed at him. He’s always so apologetic afterwards but I’m now getting frightened of falling asleep.||You definitely have a valid reason to feel the way that you do. Sexual assault is anyone doing sexual act or attempting to do sexual acts to another person without consent. You describe being asleep and being woken up to him invading your personal space in a sexual manner. It does not sound like you gave him consent and that can feel very violating especially when it is by someone you are supposed to be able to trust. I encourage you to speak to a safe person about what you are going through so that you are not dealing with this alone. You also have the option to call law enforcement to report this if you choose. WEAVE has a 24/7 support and information line you can call to create a safety plan and get resources and information for counseling or other resources. Their number is 916-920-2952. It can also be helpful to call Nar-Anon Family Groups 646-6534 for support because you mentioned he has been using drugs.|
|My son who is 7, has been sexually assulted by a 5 year old boy, who has been in the same foster home since the age of 1. I have taken all of the right steps in contacting and making an incident report with police. I have been in contact with the Crisis Recovery Counseling, where my son will now have to have a Forensic Analysis. How is this possible and WHY did this happen to my child?||It appears that you have taken the correct steps to report this incident to law enforcement. I am sorry that you did not feel that you got an immediate response that, I am sure, you were wanting so this matter could be addressed. It is important for you to offer support to your child and request that his needs regarding this incident are being addressed by the foster home staff. You may contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak to an advocate that will be able to provide support and information about counseling referrals. Having one’s child hurt in any manner is always difficult for a parent to deal with so it is important for you to continue seeking support for yourself and your son.|
|A college boyfriend called me several years ago and we dated for a while. After a year he told me he had something to say to me. He said that when we were in college, the first time I drank and passed out at a party — before I actually went out with him — he said he felt my breasts and I never knew and he never told me. He laughed when he told me, but I felt violated and told him I thought he was disrespectful. And why did he wait over 20 years to tell me? It made me feel used, 20 years after the fact. Was I overreacting? I told a couple of friends, and most kind of thought I was overreacting and that lots of boys did this. I disagree and it really bothers me — yet I feel as if it shouldn’t bother me. I quit seeing this man shortly after he told me this.||It is not unreasonable for you to feel violated. And, no, you are not overreacting. Even though this event occurred 20 years ago, it was not appropriate and he continued to be disrespectful by laughing at you when he told you about it. The feelings you are experiencing are consistent with someone who has been violated and had no control over what happened to them. You may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916) 920-2952 to speak with an advocate that can give you information about how you may access our counseling services or referrals in your area. It is important for you to trust your feelings and know that you can reach out for support.|
What’s the major consequence if my ex girlfriend is taking
me to court in regards to child pornography and Avo she
took out against me? What are the charges?
She wrote in her avo so many things about me that I didn’t even do (e.g. Threaten her life)
She out of her own will ( without my force) sent explicit photos of herself to me and is now taking me to court because “apparently” I sent others via the Internet these photos (which I didn’t).
The police seized my computer and phone, which contains a few of these photos.
However, that should mean I’m charged. Just warned.
(She was 15 during the relationship and I was 19) however
she lied and told me she was 16.
|These are really good questions for your attorney. Whether that is a public defender or another type of attorney you have for yourself. An attorney would be able to inform you of your rights and the charges that could be going to court. All of the concerns you have regarding the chain of events should be given to your attorney and or police department. Sorry we couldn’t be of more help but it sounds like the best help you could get would be from your attorney and or legal representative.|
I have a housemate that is verbally and has grabbed me
abusively. He is male, I’m female. I had the police come
and they took him to jail. he was drunk. I was sleeping and
he tried to touch me. They asked if I wanted to press
charges. I did not. I have nowhere else to go right now. I
am looking for a job at the present time. What should I do?
I have nowhere to go. We have Never had a physical
|I am so sorry it sounds like a very stressful situation having to find somewhere to live so unexpectedly on top of the trauma that comes from being sexually assaulted. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support and Information Line that offers Support and Information on resources that may be of help to your situation. The number is 916-920-2952.|
Hi the humiliation is so hard to live with.. i am gay and I
am owned because I had no option I am raped all the time im
feminized like a woman and I am scared to speak up I cant
narc its a death sentence.
|I am so sorry for what you must be going through. I know that it is hard to ask for help while incarcerated but it may be helpful to know what your resources are while incarcerated. See if there is a safe person to talk to so that you are not dealing with things alone. It sounds like a very scary situation but the feelings you are describing are very normal for victims that have been sexually assault. WEAVE does have a toll free number to call for support and resources that number is 1-866-920-2952.|
My daughter is 15. Two years ago she was gang raped. I am
her mother. I just found out about the incident a few weeks
ago. She is being treated for PTSD. Everyday I look in the
mirror and my heart feels like it has been ripped out of my
chest. I am so sad and I just can’t seem to feel better. I
know that I’m not the one that was raped but I just can’t
seem to come to terms with the fact that I should have been
there to help her. She came to me after it happened and
told me the kids at school were being mean to her, but she
didn’t tell me this, I just feel so helpless and sad. I
could use some advise on how to deal with this.
|I am so sorry for what you and your daughter must be going through. When it comes to sexual assault not only is the victim going through their healing process but so are loved ones. It is important to find a safe place to talk about what you’re going through around your daughter’s assault. Counseling could be a great resource in helping to work through your own grief as well as suggestions on ways to help and understand what your daughter may be going through. There is no set amount of time in the healing process everyone is different but there is hope and things can get better. WEAVE has counseling services available and you can get that information by calling our 24/7 Support and Information line at 916-920-2952.|
I am twenty-one years old and I work in a family-friendly
environment. Two days ago (a very busy Saturday), I was in
the elevator at work with a group of people and a man began
touching me inappropriately, putting his arms around my
waist, stroking my hands and arms, and pushing me into the
corner and trying to kiss me. The man was dressed in a way
to make it look like he worked there, which he does not. I
immediately called my supervisor, who began to follow the
man around the building while I went and called Security.
My supervisor “lost sight” of the man and Security couldn’t
locate him either. So he got away.
I’m wondering if I should speak out against my place of work for letting the man get away. He sexually assaulted me, an employee, and who knows what he could have done to any number of children in the area if he’d had the chance? I believe my supervisors should have immediately called the police and had the man arrested and charged.
I’ve been trying to get over the incident but the more I think about it, the more frightened I become. This happened at my work, where I should be safe no matter what, so now I’m terrified to be out anywhere alone.
I’m very confused. Thank you for your support.
|I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been very scary. If you would like to speak with HR at your work you certainly have the right to do so. You may also contact local law enforcement to see if they can take a report. It may be helpful in finding the man who did this to you. If your work has an EAP program it may be helpful to speak with someone to discuss your feelings. WEAVE also provides up to 8 free counseling sessions for sexual assault clients. If you would like more information regarding available times to meet with a counselor you may call us on our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|I am… basically a trans boy, for these purposes. (Non-transitioning, if that matters for my question.) I was abused as a child, and when I was no older than 13 (my memory is fuzzy but the other child’s account indicates that year), over a decade ago, I assaulted another, younger child. I never talked about it or apologized for it, because I didn’t know whether they remembered or not, and if they didn’t I felt it wasn’t my right to bring it up again and retraumatize them. I never did anything like that to anyone else. They have now told my fiancee, who is a survivor of much worse abuse, what I did to them. They don’t want any contact with me. I am respecting their wishes. After a long talk about what exactly happened, how I felt about it then, and how I feel about it now, my fiancee says she still loves me, wants to get married, wants our relationship to be romantic, and believes I am a good person now. Understandably, she doesn’t want any sexual contact with me for the forseeable future. I am having a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror and not seeing a villain, and my jerkbrain is rearing up and using the fact that she doesn’t want sexual contact or to sleep alone in the same room with me as evidence that I am disgusting and a monster and can’t ever be a good person and still be happy or productive. Rationally, I know that’s not true, but I need a neutral party to talk to who has some experience in this area, and while I don’t want to use resources meant for assault *survivors*, I thought WEAVE might know where there might be resources that could help me. Can you recommend, for example, support groups for queer or trans men (or really, any men’s group that wouldn’t balk at the fact that I am not “biologically male”) who were abused as children that are free, or extremely low-cost, or provided through an area university? I’ve Googled but I haven’t been able to find anything.||It sounds like you’re having a pretty stressful time. You can definitely seek low cost counseling here at WEAVE for any issue. However, if you would like to focus on the sexual abuse you suffered as a child, those services would be free at WEAVE. If you feel more comfortable, you can seek out the Gender Health Center for low cost counseling as well. If at any time you feel that you need emotional support, please contact our 24 hour, anonymous support line at 916 920 2952.|
|I am a lesbian who had started getting raped a year ago today. It was on going for a few weeks until I was able to get away. I ended up getting pregnant and having a son. My girlfriend has been very understanding through this entire process but my attacker found out I was pregnant and before my son was even born he had gone to the court saying he wanted sole custody and was trying to get me served. I never reported it, after the initial shock because of who this person was to me, I also didn’t want my son to ever find out how he was conceived so I never reported it. My son is almost 3 months now and there have been 2 hearings in this custody battle, I was wondering if, in the state of Arizona, I could still report it and if that could make a difference?||I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately, I do not know the laws in Arizona and would not be able to provide you with legal advice. It must be difficult trying to tend to the physical and emotional needs of your infant while also trying to move on and heal from the assault when you have to deal with your rapist in court. It may be helpful to call the police department in the town where the crime occurred and see what the statute of limitations is concerning rape in AZ. If you would like to speak with a counselor regarding your experience and get some emotional support you are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952.|
|Last week I was camping with a group of friends I’ve known for years. There was one new person who some of them had known for a while. We flirted and I was interested in making out. Everyone got pretty drunk, we ended up going for a walk and he asked me if I wanted to sit in his car to be warm. We ended up making out which was fine but then he started pushing for more. I was very specific and verbally stated this is what I am and am not comfortable with. He said he understood and then 5 seconds later tried doing exactly what I’d just told him not to and was not taking my pushing his hands away hint. After re-verbalizing twice I told him I didn’t think we should continue at which point he did anyway but I physically pushed him and got out of the car. Because I was in a, what I thought was safe environment, I am scared no matter where I go now. I was out in public alone today and almost had a panic attack. I also caught myself wishing I was less attractive so nobody would look at me. I know time will dissipate this fear, but I just wanted to know if there are any exercises or anything I can do to speed up my healing process. I don’t want this to change my life or who I am. I don’t want to give him that power over me. It’s also extra hard for me because I normally would not do anything like this, putting myself in what I would say is a dangerous situation, It was because I was with all friends, who all vouched for him beforehand, that I let my guard down and now I feel like an idiot who knew better.||I am sorry that happened to you. It sounds like you were more than clear with him what you were and were not okay with. You are right in that it will take some time to start to feel better as it just happened. It is good that you are aware that it is bothering you and that you are not|
|I was raped by my cousin from since I was 8yrs old he didn’t stop until I was in my early twenties, then I found out he was also raping my mother. Can i press charges against him? He’s admitted what he’s done and is now a member of the church surrounded by children. What can I do now 20yrs later?||I am so sorry to hear that was your experience. It must have been very frightening for you. I am not aware of the statute of limitations where you are from. In regards to him being around children, if you have concerns that other children are at risk you can file an anonymous report with child protective services. If you would like additional support regarding how the sexual abuse has impacted your life and would like to speak with someone you may call our 24 hour Support and Information Line. The Support Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.|
|I had an ‘incident’ which triggered me to kind of…I dunno I was freaking out in the corner of elevator all by myself, crying and just generally wishing I could crawl into a hole and hide. So I finally made the decision to see someone. I had an initial appointment a few weeks ago with a LCSW . Sort of an appointment to meet and build a rapport I guess. She asked me to describe my ‘most’ traumatic experience….but every time I sit down to sort of write this out ….I can’t lock it down to ‘one’ single traumatic experience. It’s been a life time of crap…and I’ve spent a life time denying, ignoring, minimizing, and rationalizing every single incident. I don’t know how to do this….and I’m confused by all these crazy feelings swirling around…it doesn’t make any sense to me and it makes it hard to think straight and carry on a decent conversation about any of this.I have my next appointment on Saturday. and now the closer the appointment gets the more I don’t want go.||
I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. It
takes a lot of
courage to reach out for help, schedule a counseling appointment,
and meet with a new therapist. It can also be challenging to narrow
down what is troubling to a single event. It may be helpful to remind
yourself that you have already started the hard work by reaching out
for help. Its common to feel nervous about continuing counseling
services and you may find it helpful to speak with your therapist about
your feelings of unease. If you would like to call our 24 hour Support
and Information Line for additional support as you continue processing
your experiences you are more than welcome to. Our number is
What further can I do? I was in the process of moving into my new home and my best friend’s husband helped me. Her and I have been friends from childhood and we are now 62. She did not come on the last load of boxes. I was outside sweeping up leaves and nails in the driveway when her husband called me and asked if I would show him where the boxes go, I walked inside the kitchen, took off my sun glasses and he was standing there naked and grabbed me, and started pulling my shirt off, I slapped him and told him to get out of my house. He said don’t tell her, because I’ll say you did it. I couldn’t get her on the phone but texted her. Her immediate reply was Are you serious? What are you telling me? I’m sorry this happened. This is not his first go around. He forced himself on her 14 year old daughter, but she believed him and blamed the daughter! She later texted me that she could not be around me or him because she’s upset. I then found out she kept him for a paycheck. She ruined a lifelong friendship for money. I reported this to the police and NOTHING has been done. He texted me and said “I’m sorry but you shouldn’t have told her”, I did forward his text to her with no reply. They still live together. I’m always looking over my should and cannot believe someone would stoop so low. I have pictures of the bruses on my arm and leg from him not letting go, and I tripped over a chair that caused the bruse on my leg. Police didn’t care
It sounds like that was a very scary experience and that you
having a mixture of emotions following the assault and loss of your
long friendship. If you feel that speaking with a counselor would be
helpful WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of
sexual assault and has trained Support Line volunteers available by
phone 24/7 at (916)920-2952. I am sorry that you were unable to get
the support you needed from your friend or from law enforcement,
My 17 year old daughter was sexually assaulted by her Karate instructor. My daughter was in the bathroom rinsing her face, when the male instructor (approximately 45-50 years old) opened the door without knocking. He then wet paper towels opened her shirt and sports bra to wipe her chest with the wet paper towels. Her breast were exposed. The instructor states he thought she looked ill and he wanted to cool her down. Prior to class starting my daughter was doing her practice stretches and the male instructor approached her and asked if her nipples were pierced.
Apparently, my daughter has felt uncomfortable around him for months. He has regularly said inappropritate things to her and others, but she just tried to ignore or avoid him… until this happened. She told me what happened when she got home. I immeditely took her back to the karate school and confronted the instructor. He admitted touching her, but stated it was to help cool her down and nothing more. I did not know about him asking her about the nipples being pierced at the time. I was told that the next day by my daughter. My daughter is a very honest, innocent, and naive 17 year old.
My wife has been asked by a few people why we left the karate school. My wife simply told them the instructor innapropriately touched our daughter and asked her things of a sexual nature. These people now want to leave the school too. The instructor is now threatening to sue us for slander. This all happened just 3 weeks ago. Should I have filed a police report? Should I do it now? I think he is bluffing about the slander lawsuit, but who knows.
I want to ignore it al and let it go away, but I just don’t know what to do???
—Signed a very confused Father
I am sorry to hear that you and your family are going through
terrible ordeal. It must have been very scary for your daughter. If you
and your family decide to contact law enforcement they can take an
incident report. Because the instructor has access to other children it
may be something to consider. As far as the threats to sue, he may or
may not be serious. It is great that your daughter has your support and
that you believe what she is telling you. If you would like to speak with
a counselor or if your daughter would, we have free counseling services available. We also have a 24 hour Support and Information Line that
can be reached at (916)920-2952. Again, I am so sorry that you and
your family is going through this and we can help provide you with
emotional support and review options with you.
|My niece is marrying what i thought was a wonderful man in October. He made sexual advances to me and is denying it as well as my niece and his parents. My family supports me. What do I do?||It is good that you have the support of your family. It must have felt very uncomfortable for you to have him make sexual advances towards you while engaged to marry your niece. It sounds like you attempted to hold him accountable for his behavior but he is refusing. Unfortunately, it does not sound like everyone is supportive of how you feel and what you experienced. It may be helpful to know that you did your best to have him come forward and be honest about his behavior. It might also help for you to talk with someone about how the experience has made you feel. You are welcome to call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 to speak with a counselor.|
|I’m an RN working for a local clinic. We frequently see women after an assault for pregnancy testing and other services. I had a patient today who states she contacted WEAVE for individual counseling related to her assault and she was told there is a fee schedule. I’ve tried the information line several times and due to the call volume, can’t access staff to ask questions. Please let me know what the fee schedule is for 1-to-1 counseling, and let me know if there are fees for group counseling. Many Thanks!||Thank you for the important work that you do in the community and for reaching out to get clarity regarding the fee for services WEAVE provides. Counseling services for survivors of sexual assault is free of charge. WEAVE offers a free triage counseling service and eight counseling sessions at no charge for survivors of sexual assault. If the survivor has made a police report and is interested in Victims of Crime Compensation Program we work with the survivor to help them complete an application that may qualify them for additional counseling services. Triage appointments are offered at various times throughout the week. WEAVE offers triage counseling at 1900 K Street on Tuesday’s and Thursdays from 10a-1p and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. We have Spanish triage sessions on Thursdays from 10a-1pm. We also offer triage services on Mondays in English and Spanish from 4p-7p at our South Sacramento location, 7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I Sacramento, CA 95823. Clients are asked to get there early in order to find parking and check in at reception. Appointments typically last for 30 minutes and are held on a first come, first served basis. Thank you for reaching out to us and thank you for the important work you do.|
Do you have an in-patient treatment program for women?This
is regarding a 27 year-old who has been sexually abused
most of her life.If you don’t provide this level of care,
can you recommend a facility – does not need to be in
|I do not know of an inpatient treatment program for rape victims but here is a resource that may be able to help. The “Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)” is a national resource for sexual assault victims and I think they may be able to help you. Their National Sexual Assault Hotline |is 1.800.656.HOPE(4673) Our agency is in Sacramento and does offer counseling. If you are interested you can get the details of our counseling services by calling our 24/7 support and information line at 916-920-2952.|
|My mum had family friends in a town 4 hours from where we live, we used to visit them all the time. Anyway, we were staying with them (one time when I was 11) and my mum had to return home for work or something for a day and would be back the next day. She asked if I wanted to go with her and I said no, I’d just see her the next day. I woke up that night with Mum’s family friend (male, about 50) in my bed. I didn’t know what to do. He was spooning me and asked me “do you want me to go?”. I had no idea what to do. I remember he had his hand in my pants on my bum and he also made me touch his privates by grabbing my hand and putting it on them. He took me downstairs and made me a hot chocolate and I remember him kissing me on the head a lot and patting me on the head. I packed my bag and said I was going to leave and he said mum would be back the next day. After he had gone back to bed I called my mums house phone and she didn’t answer. A few minutes later, the man who had assaulted me’s wife came up and asked if I had called mum and I said yes and I just missed her and wanted to talk to her. The next day when mum got back I started crying and said I just missed her. I am now 19 and have never told anyone, this is the first time I have said anything as I am beginning to not be able to cope with it mentally at all. I was wondering if you could give me any advice on where to start to resolve this or at least be able to tell someone in person about it?||I am so sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic event at such a young age. Everyone’s healing process can be different but it is very normal for trauma to affect us many years later. It can really help to talk with a professional and or supportive person about the feelings and things you are going through. WEAVE does offer free sexual assault counseling. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support.|
Yesterday, I woke up to find my friends boyfriend in the
bed, spooning me and with his hands in my pants. I pushed
him away, climbed out of the bed and left the room. His
girlfriend – my friend, was next to me, I was in the middle
– why did he climb in behind me? As I climbed out of the
bed, I glimpsed that he had his bits exposed. I pretended I
didn’t see and I went outside to calm down and gather my
thoughts. I’ve tried to block it out but I think I may
I am now sat at my desk and feel alone and violated. How
dare he help himself? I have only ever been with my 3
boyfriends and I have never ever had even a random kiss
with anyone. I am very protective of my body. I feel
absolutely violated, and I’m devastated and I have no
idea what to do about it. I can’t believe it.
|You have every right to be upset about his actions. Unwelcome sexual advances are not okay. It may be helpful to talk with someone about what happened. Speaking with a Support Line counselor might give you the emotional support you need to process what happened. You are welcome to contact the 24-hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. We have counselors available day and night to assist you.|
Just last night, I was in the metro late in the evening
going home. A guy sits beside me while waiting for the
train, from the corner of my eye, it looked like he was
jerking off, but I figured it was my imagination. When the
metro arrived, he sat diagonal from me. We were alone in
the metro. I turned away from him, to look in the window
(which doubles as a mirror when it’s dark).
Through the reflection I saw him jerking off to me, his penis was completely visible. Two stops later, he sits up, with his penis out. He left the train, but stuck his penis to the window, right on my face, jerking off again. He gave the sickest grin I’ve ever seen. The metro left, he put himself away, and it ended there.
My question is, he didn’t touch me, but I feel violated… Should I call the police or not? I don’t know what to do.
|First of all, I am so sorry that happened to you. It sounds like it must have been awful. You have every right to contact law enforcement. You may contact RT for crime related issues by or suspicious activity to RT Police by calling 916-556-0275 or by sending a text to 67283 beginning with “sacrt” followed by a space and your message. Remember to save 67283 in your phone as “RT Crime Tips” for easy texting access later. A person does not have to touch you in order for you to be violated. This person’s actions were completely inappropriate and law enforcement may appreciate the call as that way they can have a record that someone did this and you can get some support for what happened. RT might even have cameras so that they can identify the perpetrator. You can also call us on our Support Line if you need emotional support. Our 24-hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952.|
Last night, me, my best friend, and my best friend’s
boyfriend were drinking a little. We didn’t have much, and
I’m pretty sure none of us were drunk.
We went to sleep, all in my bed but with my best friend in the middle. At one point I thought I felt someone touching my private area (over my shorts) and I woke up. When I woke up, it was gone. I fell back asleep and woke up again because someone was moving my arm. I opened my eyes and my best friend’s boyfriend was by my side of the bed, moving my arm towards his crotch. He immediately stopped and went to the other side of the room, but didn’t lay back down.
I stayed awake but pretended to be asleep, because, at this point, I wasn’t sure what was going on. I was still really tired and wasn’t sure if I had just dreamed it or what. He kept shining the light by the bed, I guess to see if I was asleep. Later on, he poked my leg, I’m assuming to see if I was awake or not. I pretended to be asleep. He poked me a few more times, and then slowly lifted the blanket. He groped my butt and I could feel that he was pleasuring himself. I was frozen, and still tired, wondering if it was real or not. I know I should have told him to stop, but at the time I really didn’t know what to do. So I layed there and pretended to be asleep.
The next day I confronted him about it and he swore up and down he thought I was his girlfriend. I’m pretty sure he knew I wasn’t, though, because his movements were really really slow, so that I wouldn’t wake up. And he knew which side of the bed I was on. I told his girlfriend and she believes that he thought I was her, so they are staying together.
Basically, I guess I’m just needing some advice on what
to do, if anything at all.
|It sounds like that was a really scary and uncomfortable night for you. It took a lot of courage to confront him and to tell your friend what happened. Fight or flight is a very common response to frightening, and strange situations. It’s understandable that you felt frozen and were trying to figure out what was happening. He shouldn’t have been touching you and even if he thought you were his girlfriend it would not give him the green light to grope someone in their sleep. It may be difficult to limit your contact with him as he is your best friend’s boyfriend but it could be helpful to let your friend know that you are not comfortable around him anymore. It doesn’t sound like he is going to admit to what happened. Even if he doesn’t admit what happened, continue to trust your gut and know that you did nothing wrong.|
|My boyfriend of 3 years has been working hard to help my oldest daughter who is 13 with her self esteem. She has been through a rough period and we just went on a vacation and the bed was smaller so he said he would sleep with her instead of the 2 of us sleeping together. The sleeping arrangements were cramped as we were staying with friends. They would stay up and talk and watch tv. My boyfriend has sleep apnea and wears a CPAP mask. On the last night, in his sleep, he fingered her. She woke up and rolled over. He then woke up, realized what was happening and asked to talk to her. She came to me and we talked, he and I talked and the 3 of us talked. He was mortified, sick to his stomach and very apologetic. He has sleep groped me before but we never thought of the danger of putting her in the situation of sleeping in the same bed with him. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened before. He is scared to death. She wants to discuss with her counselor but we are afraid she would be required to report it and that would bring a lot of things with it. We are trying to work through this with her. Obviously she will never be put in that situation again. He is concerned that she could report it years down the line and he could go to jail. We don’t know what to do but it appears to be sexsomnia. How do we approach this? We are all scared.||This is a really difficult situation without an easy answer. I can’t tell you what to do but I do know that asking your daughter to keep a secret such as this one can have very long lasting trauma. It can be beneficial for your daughter to talk with her counselor even though you have concerns regarding the counselors mandated reporter responsibilities. Discouraging your daughter from talking about it with her counselor might lead her to think it is her fault or that it is wrong to talk to her counselor about it. You and your daughter are more than welcome to call our 24/hr support line for support and or information and resources the number is 916-920-2952|
I’m 17 years old and am scared that my boss is sexually
At first I just put him down to overly friendly but now he’s taken in too far. He’s tried to kiss me multiple times, and has groped me in inappropriate places (‘up’ and ‘down’). I’ve told him that I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to do it but he is persistent. The most recent case of him touching me resulted in me freezing with shock and I wasn’t able to say anything. I’m scared that if I tell him what he’s doing is wrong and illegal he’ll see it as a threat and blackmail me into losing or making my job a misery. I really don’t want to involve the police because I don’t want to get him into trouble. I know that might not make sense but it seemed like he was my friend once.I’m scared and I don’t know what to do! Please, any help or information would be much appreciated.
|What your boss is doing to you is against the law under sexual harassment and even sexual assault. He is your boss and I know it can be scary to risk losing your job but I encourage you to talk to someone about what is going on because you don’t deserve to work in a work environment like that. Also his behavior can escalate if he’s feeling like he’s getting away with it and I would hate to see you in a worse situation than you are already in. If you did decide to report him to the police it would not be you getting him in trouble if he was the one making the choice to sexually harrass/sexually assault you. WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support.|
|This incident happened to me about 10 days ago.I am a grad student and had a professional relationship with a gentleman! I had an appointment with him in the morning, we had some conversations including my plan in subleasing my apartment and his cousin who is seeking an apartment to sublease. I got back home and got busy with my study and my plan was to go to my classmates party. He sent me a text if he can stop by to see my apartment for his cousin, and I accepted. He came by to my place in the early evening and I offered some tea. We had some tea and some conversation including our plan for that night. I told him I am going to my classmates party and if he wants can join us. He told me he will let me know if he decides to join. I went to the party, and I drank too much started getting totally drunk. He sent me a text that he ended up going to another party and if I want can join them, and I responded I am having fun here besides I am too drunk and cannot drive. And then he responded he will come to ride me home. A few minutes after I was totally drunk, about to pass out, feeling bad and needed to go home. My friends rode me home, meanwhile he was calling me, finally I took one of his call and told him my friends are riding me home. I got home, got out of car, and said good bye to friends and he was waiting for me by my apartment. He helped me out to go home and right after getting home I passed out, and barely remember whatever happened after that. I just remember separated scenes, he held me on his arms to put me on my bed, he had water pitcher and a mug in his hand to give me some water, and the next scene I remember I was totally naked and he was having sex with me!! I remember I was confused, felt like having sex with my ex-boyfriend, then remembered it was not my ex, it was him, and then passed out again! And it happened several times to me! I remember, he wanted to leave my apartment in the middle of night and was getting dressed and said “I made an ethical mistake!” He left and I passed out again. The day after, I was suffering from hangover, and started thinking what happened to me! In the beginning I thought I might get naked by myself but couldn’t remember and when I investigated my clothing, shoes, tights I made sure he took all my clothes off and had intercourse with me while I was passed out. I’d had pain in my vagina for 2-3 days after.I haven’t spoken to anybody yet but I have been having a terrible feeling since then. During the first 2-3 days I was feeling guilty and felt it was my fault and mistake, but when I read more about the definition of rape and my rights, I made sure what happened to me was rape and I was a victim! I didn’t want to have sex with this guy! I really don’t know what to do, if I should report, and how to get out of that. I have a terrible feeling right now, please advise!||I am so sorry for all that you must be going through right now. You do still have the right to make a report to law enforcement. It is against the law to have sex with someone while they are under the influence because they would not be in the right frame of mind to give consent. Many people take advantage of others vulnerability while they are under the influence. Whether or not you decide to report this crime to law enforcement I would encourage you to find someone safe to talk about this whether it be a friend or professional counseling. WEAVE does offer free counseling for victims of sexual assault. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. We also have a 24 hour support line at 916-920-2952 if you need to talk with someone for support. I am glad that you have come to understand that none of what happened to you was your fault because it wasn’t. I hope that you reach out again if you have any further questions and or need support.|
I had a friend he was an old boyfriend I trusted him so we
chilling out in his room and I fell asleep I woke up to Him with his hands
down my pants I said stop but he didn’t I’ve been through this before so I just closed my eyes and let him do as he wanted I just shut down the bad bit is I have a boyfriend and I haven’t told him I don’t want him to know about any of it or what else I’ve been through I just want to forget about it
|I am so sorry that happened to you. I want you to know that you are not alone and that there is support available for you should you want to talk to someone. We offer 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You may also contact our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952 should you want to speak with a counselor over the phone. Our counseling services may be accessed by attending a free counseling triage session at one of our two locations. We have an office in Midtown Sacramento and South Sacramento. Triage counseling at 1900 K Street is offered on Tuesday and Thursdays from 10a-1 pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Triage counseling services at 7600 Hospital Drive may be accessed on Mondays from 4p-7pm. The thoughts and feelings you are having regarding the assault are normal and it’s understandable that you just want to forget that it ever happened. Please know that we are here to help you.|
My ex boyfriend – we’ve been broken up for nearly 2
years, we’re still friends but have sex on a number of
occasions over the past year. I have a new boyfriend now
and told my ex boyfriend that under no circumstances was
I ever going to cheat on him but we could still be
friends as we were always pretty close before we got
together and kept that friendship afterwards as well. So
my ex came over to see me, the plan was just to drink
tea, chat and generally hang out. That was fine to start
with, my little girl was still awake and everything was
fine. Then once I put her to bed he decided to sit next
to me on the sofa. He started casually coming on to me, I
told him to behave and to stop it and that it wasn’t
going to happen… but he couldn’t seem to take no for an
answer. He kept doing it despite me saying for him to
stop, eventually he picked me up and took me to my
bedroom. I told him to put me down and that I wasn’t
going to have sex with him and to stop. But he still
wouldn’t stop, he kept kissing me and putting his hands
down my top, etc. He was laying on top of me and he was a
lot stronger than me, I kept saying no, kept saying for
him to stop it and he just replied “I can’t stop” I
pushed him away but he moved my hands and carried on, I
kept pushing him away saying no stop but he kept going,
he managed to undo my
|I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. What you are describing happened with your ex-boyfriend is sexual assault because it was non-consensual. You told him that you did not want to have sex with him and he did not listen to you. You are not to blame for what happened. He had the choice to listen to you and not force himself on you and he did so even though you told him not to. You did everything you could to do. It is not your fault. You do not need to fight the entire assault for it to be considered rape. You told him no and that is enough. Please know that there is support out there for you and counselors that are available to help you work through this and answer your questions. WEAVE offers 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault. You are more than welcome to contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line for more additional support and more information on how to access services. WEAVE offers free counseling triage service on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 1900 K street from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays 4pm-7pm. Our 24 hour Support Line may be reached at (916)920-2952.|
|Thank you for reaching out to us to share your story and current challenges. It sounds like living in your current town is proving to be very difficult with your rapist there and that is understandable. A change of scenery may be good for you. It may be helpful to sit down and make a pro and con list for moving. Sometimes it can be helpful to make a decision when seeing what the pros and cons are on paper. You may also contact our 24 hour Information and Support Line that can provide you with support and be a sounding board for you while you review your options. It does not sound like it is an easy decision to make or an easy situation to be in. Hopefully by weighing the pros and cons and contacting our Support Line for information you will be able to make a decision that works best for you and your future goals.|
A guy I did not want touching me put his fingers or penis
vagina. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed to say that I do not even know if it was his fingers or penis. I battle in my mind because I think it is not as bad if it was his fingers and can not even handle the idea it may have been more. Are both of these rape? Is it not so bad if it is just his fingers? I just feel gross and ashamed. I don’t want to be around anyone who knew me at that time of my life because I just can’t handle what happened. It is frustrating not to remember/know what happened. I feel like if I could remember then everything would be ok. Somehow, I don’t think that is true
|The feelings you describe are very normal symptoms for people that have been through trauma as you have described. Anyone that has had sexual things happen to them unwanted in any way can be left with a lot of hurt and pain. Most people describe similar feelings of feeling ashamed/ gross and or replaying the situation over in their mind whether to remember or just that they can’t forget. Most situations such as you have described take time to heal from. I encourage you to find safe people you can talk to about how you are feeling whether it is a professional counselor and or a trusted friend. WEAVE does offer counseling WEAVE is a domestic violence/sexual assault center in Sacramento and we do offer free sexual assault counseling. If you are interested you may go to one of our triage drop in’s. Triage can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm. To answer your question in regards to what constitutes rape whether it was his fingers or his penis both constitute as sexual assault if it was his penis that would be considered rape.|
|Several years ago, I contacted your office for help, I was told I was too extensive for your help due to funding, it left me devastated, without hope and my depression has got worse. You are the only agency listed to help sexual abuse victims in our area, and I feel like I am hanging by a thread so I am trying again. Here is the short story I was sexually abused from 3 yrs – 16 yrs by my father; a failed marriage resulted in three children. I remarried. My 8 yr old daughter said she was being abused, I called CPS, Police and took to Kaiser, I was told by all 3 agencies she was lying, I was stupid I believed them because I didn’t think the professionals would be wrong. At age 16 she gave birth to my first grandchild. 4 months later i found out it was my husband’s child. My grandson will be 15 years old and I am still paralyzed by the pain and am no longer a productive human being. Can anybody help me rebuild my life? I have anxiety if I have to go outside.||I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. It sounds like it has been a struggle for you to get support for some time now. Without knowing the details, I cannot speak to the specific reason you were not seen at the counseling center when you first reached out for help. Part of the reason may be that WEAVE only provides 8 free counseling sessions for survivors of sexual assault and it can be difficult to address years of abuse and increase coping skills within 8 sessions. After the 8 free sessions clients are able to continue with their therapist through private pay. The counseling fees are based upon a sliding scale. If this is something you would be interested in finding more about you are welcome to attend one of our triage sessions. WEAVE provides counseling services both in Midtown and in South Sacramento. The triage hours at WEAVE South (7600 Hospital Drive, Suit I) Mondays 4pm-7pm. Please arrive by 6:15 pm to complete paperwork. The triage house for 1900 K Street are Tuesdays and Thursdays 10a-1pm and Wednesdays 4pm-7pm. If you would like to speak with a Support Line counselor please call our 24 hour Support and Information Line at 920-2952.|
So this happened like last summer. I was 13 and my
brother was like
15 and I was watching a movie downstairs with him in his room. He told me
that he would hurt me if I didn’t take off my clothes so I took then off and
then he took off his. Then he touched me in my private areas and stuff and he
made me touch his. So he said he would hurt me if I didn’t have sex with him
so I had no choice but to agree with him to do it. He shoved it in me and I
cried because it hurt because I was a virgin but he put a plastic bag on his
area so he wouldn’t get me pregnant. I was wondering if this was rape or
anything because I don’t know what to call it.
|Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us about your situation. I first want to say that I am so sorry that happened to you. What your brother did was not okay and is considered rape. You were forced to do something against your will and threatened with physical harm. I am so sorry that he hurt you. It sounds like it has been almost a year since this happened and it must have been very scary to have that happen especially by your brother. Please know that there are resources available for you if you would like to speak with someone in person or over the phone. WEAVE offers free individual and confidential counseling services. To find out more information or to speak with a counselor over the phone you are more than welcome to call us at our 24 hour Support and Information Line at (916)920-2952. Again, I am sorry that this happened, it wasn’t your fault and what he did was rape. You are very strong in reaching out to us and if you would like further help, please know that we are here to help you.|
Question I was was wondering if there are any group I could go talk to or any way I may help Raped and Abused woman I was raped a few years ago and I truely am a survivor and would love to help woman that have gone through
|That is very generous of you. Your local domestic violence or rape crisis center is likely to have volunteering that would definitely help victims of abuse. Twice a year WEAVE has training for people interested in volunteering. You can access an application by going to our website. Once you submit your application someone will contact you to discuss volunteer opportunities.|
|When I was 6 or 7, my brother who was 10 at the time, sexually assaulted me. He made me think it was a game, until I realized how disgusting the acts were. Knowing I would get help, my brother pulled me aside and held a knife close to me. He made me promise not to tell anyone or he would kill me. I kept my mouth shut. He had a similar incident with my 2 friends, who told on him. He lived in a foster home for a few years and I hardly saw him. I feel like I grew up without a brother. And to make it worse, the neighbors told everyone about the incident, so none of my friends were allowed to play with me. My only “friends” were the Child Protective Service ladies who asked me uncomfortable questions. I was given a label for my brother’s selfish act… it has been almost 10 years since then, and I have nightmares about it. I’m starting to feel bitter towards my brother for my unusual childhood, but I know I should be to blame for not telling anyone. I want to talk to my mom, but I feel like she’ll be mad at me for bringing up the past. I need closure. I need something. Am I wrong to still be upset? What should I do? I’m going crazy here…||It sounds like you are having a difficult time right now and it may be helpful to talk with one of our counselors either over the Support and Information Line or in-person at one of our triage sessions. The nightmares and anger that you are experiencing are common for survivors of childhood molest. Talking with a counselor may be a helpful step in working through the past so that you can feel better in the present. It is important to tell yourself that you are not to blame for the violence. You may not believe it right now but it is still important to tell yourself that it was not your fault. Your brother demonstrated to you at a very young age that he was violent and could hurt you and your friends. You are not to blame; it is not your fault. Our 24 hour Support and Information Line can be reached by calling (916)920-2952 and we have triage times that can be accessed at our two counseling center locations. The 1900 K St triage times are Tues and Thur 10a-1p and Wednesday’s 4p-7pm; and WEAVE South located at 7600 Hospital Dr. Suite #1 has triage hours on Mondays 4p-7pm.|
i did not want the intercourse but i felt like if i really did not want it why did i put myself in that situation? Or why fawn over my rapist for days after… i thought i was friends with this guy. Just friends. Even though he called me a “whore” constantly and was always asking to have sex with me which i would always say no to but I’m not a very good person so i feel so guilty for it. And one time we went to his friend’s house to smoke weed (which i was okay with it) but after i was very stoned. And all of a sudden we were naked in some bathroom. I didn’t even remember how i got there but i did not want to be there. I just wanted to hangout and i was very uncomfortable but i didn’t physically object or verbally object. I was just in this dreamlike state. Like i wasn’t even present at that time. This happened three more times. If it was rape why did i keep going back to this guy? Why would i consider a guy who called me “whore” everyday a friend?
So, I’ve been dealing with this for over 15 years. As a
Thank you for taking the time to write to us and share what you have been experiencing. You are asking a lot of really good questions. The situation and experiences you described do sound like sexual assault and that you were not in the frame of mind to consent to the sexual act. Sexual assault is a very difficult and often confusing experience and can be even more confusing when the person committing the crime says they are your “friend.” You do not deserve to be treated this way and it is not your fault. It also sounds like this guy is not only physically and sexually abusive to you but verbally abusive as well. WEAVE offers free sexual assault counseling and if you would like to talk with someone in person or over the phone you are more than welcome to contact us. We have a 24 hour Support and Information Line as well as free triage counseling on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10a-1pm and Wednesdays from 4p-7pm. Again, you raise some very good and common questions regarding sexual assault and the challenges it raises when the perpetrator is known to you and is masking the sexual assault behind the veil of “friendship.” Him hurting you, calling you names, and assaulting you is not OK.
It is very normal to have symptoms after having gone through a very traumatic event. Some of the symptoms you have described such as “No one understands”, and “feeling hatred”, or “feeling like the 13yr old trying to get over the incident” are common feelings I have heard from others that have gone through trauma similar to yours. Sometimes working through the trauma with a counselor can help. WEAVE offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE also has a support line for support as well as resources and referrals. It’s available 24/7 and the number is 916-920-2952.
I have been eerated from my sexually abusive husband for
almost two years. I never went to the athurties i just left
him, my family knows but thats it. He is now bully me about
the custidy of our kids. Is there anything i can do now
about the abuse.
||You can report the abuse to Law Enforcement if that is something you want to do. As far as custody with your children goes you can always contact a lawyer to see what your options are. WEAVE has a support line for support as well as resources and referrals. It’s available 24/7 and the number is 916-920-2952. The support line can give you legal resources if that’s what you’re looking for. WEAVE also offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.|
I am a married women in abusive relationship so try to seek
help on the Internet met a guy been speaking to him got
years we decided to met to I can make a decision to end my
relationship the guy is a professional and middleeastern
descent he was very obessed because he thought I was
attractive I told when we met no touching of anyway he
didn’t listen and he hugged me many time and my hands were
pushing him away and i started to cry then he hugged me
from the back gourpes my breast and he laughed and started
to rub my hips (edited for length and content) he then
stated your a
respectful women and i told him what he did was inapporiate he started to apologize and said I want to marry you and serious about with a ring I totally turn off and told him he’s not my type he still texts me and I started to ignore him I relive it all the time and I cry so much
|I am so sorry. It sounds like you went through a really awful experience. Reliving it and crying are very common symptoms when having gone through something traumatic. I think it is courageous of you to talk about it and I encourage you to continue to do that with people you feel safe with. WEAVE has a 24/7 Support line at 916-920-2952 that you can call for support information and resources. WEAVE also offers counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.|
I don’t know if this counts as rape.I met up with a guy I
met on the internet and we had been txting. In the txts I
said I did not want to have sex as I was a virgin. We meet
up and we had oral sex and that was fine. and then he tried
several times to (Edited for length and content) have
intercourse and he only stopped each time because I cried
out in pain. I didn’t say no and he didn’t threaten me and
I didn’t really react at all. But I had said I didn’t want
sex earlier. I have nightmares about it sometimes I just
feel frighted and upset when I do think about it and I
can’t watch films with rape scenes. I don’t want to contact
the police about it. I just want to know if it was rape,
attempted rape, or sexual assault or if I just interpreted
it the wrong way. I just want to move on.
||Sexual assault is ANY type of unwanted sexual contact. Everyone has the right to decide what they do or don’t want to do sexually. Not all sexual assaults are violent “attacks”. Forcing or pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to do or don’t consent to is sexual assault. Sexual assault is not always saying “no” it’s the absence of “yes” or consent, and just because you say yes to one act doesn’t mean that someone has the right to assume you’re ok with other sexual acts. Whether or not you name it rape it has clearly affected you. Talking about it and not dealing with it alone can really help. WEAVE does offer counseling. The first step to WEAVE’s counseling services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. It is normal to want to “move on” after something has affected you like this but I hope you are patient with yourself because the healing process can take some time and there are usually a lot of up’s and downs in the healing process.|
Using the WEAVE 24/7 Support whe having a triggering event. I recently had a trigger event during..get this…during a business meeting in a conference room. I felt like a deer in the headlights…frozen, my mind starting filling up wiht these random memories and powerful feelings of fight or flight….we broke for five minutes and I walked out of the office and into the elevator…I didn’t even push the button…I just stood there with my face in the corner trying not to burst into tears and not hyper ventilate. It’s been four years since I got out. it’ took at least 2 years to finally get out of the depression and start to function normally again…dare I say even happily. So the lingering issue I have is trying to deal with my emotions when the memories or the panic, or that all too familiar fear grab hold of me. Is it ok to call when you’re in the middle of a panic state like that? I am safe and very secure now…it’s just this one side effect that reaches up and grabs me sometimes.
Triggering is normal It is absolutely ok to use the 24 hour
Support & Information Line when you are experiencing a
triggering event. The advocates who answer the phone
understand how scary these times can be and are there to
support you. If you are continuing to experience the triggers
and they are affecting you regularly, you may want to
consider meeting with a WEAVE counselor to develop additional
coping skills. The advocates on the Support & Information
Line can you information about accessing additional
|Can you refer me to similar groups in the San Francisco Bay Area?||There are multiple domestic violence and sexual assault resources in the SF Bay Area. You can find a listing for domestic violence agencies here at the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence website. Sexual assault programs can be found here at the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault website. You can also call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 to get referrals.|
Ive been abused from a child into adulthood both sexually
and physically I never gotten any help for it or other
issues I have had because of these experiences. Now I have
an open cps case because of domestic violence from my
husband I have to take classes and see you guys but how
will I know that what I say to you will not effect me
getting my daughter back what if you think im crazy. im
scared if im honest that I will never get my daughter back
but at same time all my family and friends want me to get
help. I want help im scared everyday that I might to
something dangerous to my self some days Im ok but others
not its a rollercoaster I don’t want to be on anymore but
im scared if I ask for help and tell my story it will be
used against my I don’t trust anyone never have idk what my
question is really im just don’t want to cheat this program
if it can actually help me
||If you feel you may harm yourself, please call the Suicide Hotline at 916.368.3111. It is completely understandable that you would be scared and worried. You deserve to feel safe and to heal. WEAVE helps many women who have experienced abuse and are now involved with CPS. Your concern about sharing is understandable and we want to support your healing. We know you want to be a good mom. The support group can help you to share your story and to know that others have had similar experiences and feeling – you are not alone. Any relationship – past or present – that is abusive is complex and talking with the counselor can help. If you need confidential support– you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line for support for the abuse at 916.920.2952. We are mandated reports and the Support Line and Suicide Hotline advocates will be honest with you about anything you share that would have to be reported to CPS during the conversation.|
|A 13 year old impregnated by her step-father wants to keep the baby. Can you suggest anything that might help her see how difficult this would be for the child, for her and for her mother?||This young girl is clearly dealing with a very difficult situation. We hope this has been reported to the authorities to hold the perpetrator accountable and ensure the girl is receiving appropriate support. At WEAVE, we believe in empowering survivors to make decisions and do not tell survivors what to do. We offer resources to help survivors to make the best choices for their safety, healing and well being. We can offer counseling to address the trauma of rape and link her to additional resources. The first step to accessing services would be to call our 24 hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or to come in for an in-person triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. WEAVE staff are mandated reporters and will report the rape to the appropriate authorities if this has not already occured.|
|When I was a teen my brother repeatedly slipped into my bedroom and performed oral sex on me while I was asleep. After some sessions with a psychologist (much later on) I recalled these activities. It was definitely unwanted sex; he was my brother for gosh sakes. Ironically,we were so close people often thought we were a couple when we would go out in public together. Naturally I confronted him and he denied it. He sluffed it off to “shrinks” getting you to say and think things that didn’t happen. How can I get my brother to admit these acts? (Edited for length and content)||Perpetrators often deny their acts, this does not change what happened to you or the damage it caused. It sounds like you are currently seeing a psychologist and we encourage you to continue this counseling as part of your healing. You may also find it useful to speak to a phone counselor for additional support. While WEAVE is unique to Northern CA our friends at RAINN can offer 24/7 national support. You may call 800.656.4673 to speak to a confidential counselor at any time.|
I was 14 and in a bed with a guy (a friend of my friends
brother - the guy was 17 or 18) on one side and my
friend on the other. The three of us were sharing the
bed because couples in the house were having sex after a
New Year’s Eve party and we needed a place to sleep. I
was falling asleep and I felt this guys leg touch
mine, he rolled over and started kissing me. My friend
left. I don’t remember how but later I was naked and he
kept kissing me. He kissed my chest and I told him not to
and I didn’t like it. I was confused and scared. I
liked him but didn’t know if I was ready for sex. He
grabbed my hand and placed it on his penis. I tried to pull my hand away and he wouldn’t let go. He then shoved his fingers in my vagina. I felt like the room was spinning and didn’t know what was happening. This happened many years ago. My counselor thinks it was date rape. What happened still scares me but I can’t believe it was rape. Does this fit the definition of rape? I feel like what happened is my fault. I don’t know if I undressed myself or if he undressed me. I couldn’t make a clear decision in my head about how far I wanted to go. I said no to him kissing my chest and that it made me feel gross and he said that was normal for a guy to do that and kept kissing me. Him making me touch him and putting his fingers in me made me want to be sick. I couldn’t get my hand back from him. It was like my brain was not taking in what was happening. I’m just really confused. I wanted to kiss him. Earlier in the night I had thought about maybe having sex with him but never told him. I was ok kissing him but hadn’t figured out if I wanted to have sex – I was a virgin. When he started kissing my chest things changed. Even though I was still confused about whether or not I wanted to have sex, I said no to what he was doing. But maybe I wasn’t clear enough. I didn’t leave. I tried to pull my hand away and he wouldn’t let me.
|What happened to you was sexual assault and it was not your fault. It does not matter what you felt or said earlier in the evening. When you told him to stop he should have stopped. You did not cause what happened and are not to blame for it. Continue to work with your counselor to understand the emotions this has caused and to understand that you are not to blame. If you need additional support, you can always call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 for additional support.|
|If a rape kit comes out negative 3 days later after said rape can this person press charges on the person that supposedly raped her?||In a case where sexual assault is suspected law enforcement determines if there is sufficient evidence to forward a case for consideration to the District Attorney’s Office. The District Attorney will then determine whether or not they will prosecute.|
|This is very embarssing to say, I dont know if i was sexually assaulted. me and him had sex a few times but this night i said NO and pushed him away forcely, the twist to the story is he did not put it all the way in so i am confused. I didn’t know if i should be mad at him or what? I felt like what he did was wrong but he wassnt agressive like rapeds that are seen on t.v. he didnt hit me or yell at me. im just confused.||It takes a lot of courage to talk about a sexual assault and I want to commend you for being brave enough to ask for help. Sexual assault is not only rape or forced intercourse; it is any unwanted sexual act. Anytime you say no to a sex act, and your partner continues, that is sexual assault. In a healthy relationship anytime you say no to a sexual act your partner should respect your wishes, regardless of whether or not you consented before. It is also important to remember that everyone experiences sexual assault under different circumstances and violence is not always a factor. It is normal to feel confused, upset or angry about what happened. It is also important to remember that what happened isn’t your fault and you do not have to face this alone. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about the situation and how it made you feel. This can help you to process the emotions you are experiencing, understand the situation, and decide how to best move forward. You can reach a counselor on WEAVE’s confidential 24 hour support and information line anytime by calling 916.920.2952. You may also choose to speak to a counselor in person by attending a free triage session. We offer triage on multiple days at two locations to help meet your needs. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.|
When I was about 9 years old and my older brother, 13,
were once in the living room by ourselves watching tv
with our parents in the bedroom. All of a sudden, he told
me to drop my pants, get on my knees and turn around. I
didn’t do it. I didn’t understand, and just told him no.
Then a few seconds passed and I suddenly felt weight on
top of me. I started struggling and he got off of me.
When he got off, I felt like a bad person. We have other
siblings and when they had kids, I would be so afraid. I
still am afraid to this day when he’s with my niece or
nephew alone. I wonder if he has tried to do to them what
he did to me. We are both adults now, and I still don’t
trust him. I feel bad because that was the only time he
ever tried such a thing. I feel like we were children and
he didn’t know any better but he does now and won’t do
that. Is there any chance he could sexually assault any
child now or am I just over reacting to a past
|You experienced a traumatic event and were hurt by someone you trusted. It is normal that this experience still bothers you today. While it’s impossible to know if he has attempted to assault others, his behavior was wrong and you are right to be concerned. You may feel better if you are able to talk about your own experience and your fears with an advocate. You can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line at any time to speak with a trained advocate who can support you. The number is 916.920.2952.|
How do you get into counseling for sexual abuse? How many
times do you meet with a counselor?And what are the
||The first step to accessing counseling services is to attend a walk-in triage session with a counselor. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Sexual assault survivors receive eight sessions of free counseling with additional sessions available via victim witness or private pay (sliding scale).|
I was raped a year ago, today marks the day. how
do I cure my pain? Being raped resulted into me
having a baby.
Recovering from sexual assault takes time. It is completely normal to experience more pain when dates or situations remind us of the rape – like what you are experiencing on the one year anniversary of your assault. This is called triggering. WEAVE can provide you with support including counseling. You can take the first step by attending an in person triage appointment. Our triage services are offered at our Midtown location (1900 K Street, Sacramento, CA 95811) on Tuesdays from 10 am – 1 pm, Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm or at our WEAVE South location (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite I, Sacramento, CA 95823) on Mondays from 4 pm – 7 pm. In the meantime, please use our 24 hour Support & Information Line if you need to talk with an advocate for support. The number is 916.920.2952.
|Several teenage girls report to a responsible teenage boy (separately) that they gave in to a teenage boy’s sexual demands and feel raped; one has eating disorder before incident and hospitalized for eating disorder after. No complaints files. Teenage boy says, seek help i.e. talk to parents, (no), talk to counselor (didn’t do anything), talk to psychologist (no money). Any suggestions? Fellow peers want to harm the guy (edited for content). Help please…I’m not typically in this kind of situation and am contacting you as a result of talking to my own parents.||A sexual assault can be a very traumatic event, and each survivor will experience the effects of trauma differently. It is understandable that you and your fellow peers are angry, but it is important to help your friends through this trauma without further violence. It is important to understand consent in terms of sexual acts. In California, by state law anyone under age 18 cannot consent to any sexual act. If you are pressured or coerced into participating in a sexual act that does not mean you consented to it. Supporting a friend who has been sexually assaulted can be very challenging and you are on the right track by reach out for help and suggestions. There are many resources for survivors of sexual assault and for the loved ones who support them. WEAVE offers no cost counseling services (group and individual) as well as free legal assistance to survivors of sexual assault. Your friends may find it helpful to speak to a counselor about their experience and begin the healing process. They may speak to a counselor on the phone, by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 or they may speak to a counselor face to face by attending a free triage session. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am - 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.|
I was recently sexually assaulted by my boyfriends best
friend. I had taken codine cough medicine due to being
sick… I was asleep in our bedroom and my boyfriend
and his friend were hanging out in the living
room drinking beers. My boyfriend passed out on
the couch and his best friend came
into our bedroom and began to do things my boyfriend would do before if he had came to bed, I was half asleep and realized it wasn’t my boyfriend
because his friend had hair on his back and my boyfriend does not. I freaked out woke up my boyfriend and the best friend ran. I feel absolutely disgusted and can’t even begin to explain what this has done to me mentally. This has been the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life and my boyfriend too. My boyfriend has known him since diapers and we trusted himcompletely. I pressed charges and did everything legally & medically that one does for a sexual assault. This is not something that happens everyday and it has really taken a toll on my boyfriend and I psychologically. Its been hard to go to bed at night in our room, go about our days normally, be sexual, and
sleep at night. What are some things we can do to help us get through this?
How do you come to realization?
|Survivors of sexual assault, and their loved ones, often need support and resources in order to heal. As with any traumatic event the emotional scars can be worse than the physical and everyone will recover in a different way and at a different pace. It is important for you both to know that neither of you is responsible for what happened. The assault was not your fault and you do not have to face this alone. WEAVE offers counseling services for survivors and their significant others to help you both find ways to heal on your own and together as a couple. In order to get started you may attend a free triage session, where you will individually sit down with a counselor for an assessment. We offer triage at two locations and on several days of the week to best accommodate the schedules of our clients. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers legal triage on Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm. You may also wish to speak with a counselor over the phone by calling our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952|
|My husband raped me 2 years ago. When it happened I was in total shock because my husband was drunk and high (off weed) and was acting in a way that was completely opposite his behavior. Afterward, I experienced confusion, anger, and disbelief. He was under the influence, so I wasn’t sure if he actually remembered what he did. I confronted him the next morning and he said it didn’t happen. The minute he said that, I believed that he remembered what he did; but was in denial. I didn’t bring it up again; but buried everything that I was feeling. I guess I wasn’t ready to deal with it. Fast forward to a few months ago. I now have a 1 year old daughter and i start to have flashbacks. When this starts happening, I accept that my husband raped me and start thinking “I need to heal from this”. I confornted my husband and he said that he doesn’t remember doing that. He is so shocked, he starts talking about killing himself. Then he says that he wants to really work on our marriage; but if I choose to leave he would understand and would not fight me on it. I’m conflicted right now. We have been married a total of 10 years w/two kids and I still love him, even after the rape. I don’t want to break up our family by divorcing him; but at the same time I’m not sure that we can work on our marriage. The sex alone would not happen now as I can’t even stand for him to touch me at all. Sex is dirty to me now and I don’t enjoy it at all. Men need to have sex and that is one thing that I cannot provide. Also, I still don’t know how to heal from this. What do I do? Please help me.||Healthy relationships are built on trust, and once that trust is violated it can be difficult rebuild. Intoxication is never an excuse for hurting a loved one. The feelings you are experiencing are normal and part of what is called Rape Trauma Syndrome. As we heal we face many obstacles but it is important to know you do not have to face them alone. Reaching out for help is a very brave step and there are resources to help you overcome this trauma. It is important to focus on healing on your own, and coping with the assault in healthy ways, before you can move forward in your marriage. You may find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either on the phone or in person, for support. WEAVE’s phone counselors are available 24 Hours a day on our Support and Information Line and can be reached by calling 916.920.2952. You may also attend a free triage session and speak face to face with one of our counselors. We offer triage at two different locations and on multiple days of the week. Our Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10am – 1pm and Wednesdays from 4pm -7pm. Triage is also available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite i) on Mondays from 4pm – 7pm.|
|Hello. This will be a difficult question and I need your full cooperation. First of all. This morning my close friend who is a girl, the age of 16 and Pakistani was touched inapporiately by her father. She’s confided in me and I’m trying my best to help her out in every way I can. The thing is in Pakistani culture girls are usually demeaned and belittled. I begged her to file a police report but she won’t budge because she’s worried about her family’s reputation. Worst of all if she tells her other and they confront her father they might just see it as a misunderstanding and they’ll just send her back to Pakistan and get her married to silence her forever. Idk what to do. If she does contact the NYPD and they arrest her father than her mother just might turn against her and send her to Pakistan. Are there any organizations with controlled settings that can make it easier for her? And she’s only 16 and Pakistani. This is in New York City. Please respond asap. I need your help.||First, I want to thank you for believing your friend and supporting her through this trauma. It sounds like your friend is facing a very difficult situation with her family and she may benefit from speaking to a counselor to discover the options and resources she has. While WEAVE’s services are limited to the greater Sacramento Region, our friends at RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are available to her 24 hours a day. She may call their confidential hotline at 800.656.4673. You may also call to learn ways to support your friend while taking care of yourself.|
|ok i have gone to the police on this one my uncle sexually screwed me from the age of 4 to 11 and he totally sexuallay terroized my poor cuzs from 3 up help||Survivors recovering from trauma can face many obstacles as they heal. Contacting law enforcement is an important first step in protecting yourself as well as other family members who may be affected by abuse. You may also find it helpful to speak to a counselor, either on the phone or in person, to process the complex emotions you are facing. If you are in the greater Sacramento region you may call WEAVE’s 24 Hour Support and Information Line for resources at 916.319.4907. If you are outside of this region our friends at RAINN (The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) may be able to assist you in locating services closer to you. You may reach RAINN by calling 800.656.4673|
|Hi, I am sixteen, I live in Ireland, and I have reported my father for sexual assault a couple of months go. I haven’t seen him since last January, and I thankfully never ever will again. The only thing is is that my half-brother and stepsister who I really love and miss so much live with my father, and I haven’t seen them since January also. Since I will never talk to my father again, I can’t see my siblings, but I was wondering if there were any way possible for me to get custody, or a time for me to spend with them every week, once they still want to see me.||First, I would like to commend you for your bravery in coming forward and reporting the abuse. There is no excuse for the trauma you have endured. While WEAVE is located in the U.S. you do have options and resources available to you in Ireland that may be able to answer your legal questions as well as offer counseling services. Please know that you are not alone and support is available. The Rape Crisis Network of Ireland has a 24 Hour Help Line which can be reached by calling 1800 77 88 88 or you may visit them online at http://www.rcni.ie/find-help.aspx|
|I can recall some flashbacks of a teacher’s assistant being too nice to me, or me falling in love with him. (Edited for length and content) I am a female and this probably happened when I was in kindergarten-2nd grade. I can’t get myself to associate any of these flashbacks to my school life in elementary. Also is this seen a lot or rarely?||Memories of trauma or abuse can often burden a survivor, especially if the memories are vague or unclear. You may have experienced a sexual assault and it may be helpful for you to speak to a counselor about the flashbacks you are having. You may access WEAVE’s counseling services by stopping by one of two locations during specific triage hours. Triage is a free assessment with a counselor in person. WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) offers triage on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m. Additional resources can also be found by contacting a phone counselor on our 24 Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952|
i love my girlfriend of 6 months. I want to grow our relationship into marriage. I’m concerned about her past, and how she handles conflict resolution. I can not cure her, but support her. I love this beautiful woman and want us to both be healthy now and in our future. She gets very aggressive towards me “just get over it she says”. It seems she gets aggressive, so not to show her vulnerability. the first 2-3 months when drinking she would say, dont judge me, dont leave me, I dont fit in your family or your life”. She has learned to trust me and she openly says she Loves me. A huge step as she has only said this and felt thid towards 2 others in her life. she is in her 40s is a successful mom, career, and loves people/life! I understand she did not have parental support as a child and was put into sexual abusive situation by her parents. Never told she was loved. She even said I found molesters cared more about me than my parents. She understands they preyed and groomed her because her parents would not protect her. (Edited for length and content) I know she has been in many bad relationships physical and dangerous sexual relationships. When she drinks to much she gets overly friendly with other men. I come from a failed marriage that my ex-wife cheated on me, its something I can not do again. She agreed to control her urges/boundries when drinking. She was horribly molested/raped as a child. She openly talks about it with me, and even jokes about it. She has done counseling but I am afraid she needs more help? (Edited for length and content) I believe in counseling and have had great success for myself. This woman I am dating believes in it also. My question is how do I support her? What do I do with the horrible molestation stories she shares? (She lived it but its all new to me it rips me apart sometimes.) Is there a support group for partners of children who have been molested? I know we need to discuss our future and lay our cards on the table. Is there resources I can suggest if she wants more help for herself?
|It is often difficult for family and loved ones to support a survivor of sexual abuse. The memories and feeling associated with the abuse can last a lifetime and survivors require a solid support system and healthy coping skills to heal. Learning how you can support your girlfriend is an important step towards a healthier relationship. Healthy relationships consist of mutual respect and both partners working together. If counseling has worked to help her cope with this trauma in the past she may benefit from seeing a counselor again or you may both benefit from talking to someone outside of the relationship. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn how to support your girlfriend you can call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 or come to one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite “I”) on Mondays between 4:00 p.m and 7:00 p.m.|
|I was molested from when I was 7 to 11. I waited to long to tell because I live in a christian household and thought I would go to hell. Now that I am 16 I am a lesbian. Why is it that I’m gay because of what happend to me. Why would somebody do that. Its not right I’m not normal and my parents don’t accept me I don’t understand.||Often survivors of sexual assault who are youth do not feel safe in telling adults in their lives that they have been sexually abused. The feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment stay with a survivors many years after the abuse stops. To speak with someone about the sexual abuse you experienced and to start the healing process by talking to a counselor at WEAVE’s 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. The questions you have about being a lesbian and how that relates to your abuse is another topic that you can gain additional support from knowledgeable counselors. One local agency you might consider speaking to is the Sacramento Gay and Lesbian Community Center, and their phone number is 916.442.0185.|
|For a long period of time, I have been haunted by flashes of early childhood memories of abuse. I have been afraid of asking questions of my family members for fear of being rejected or blamed for what I seem to remember.||First, the message board site is secure and all questions are posted completely anonymously. The memories and feelings of being abused last a lifetime for survivors. When survivors choose to talk about their memories and feelings with others it is an opportunity to continue the healing from the abuse. Family members of a survivor are often not comfortable with the topic, and are not prepared to respond with support and understanding. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn how to approach your family with your questions you can call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
I should have never lied down on that bed with my dad. I
was tired. It was the first night we got to our new
places we just rented. I wanted to stay the night with
my mom who was there already there at the place she set up
for her and dad. My mom was in the bed too, my body hurt
and she told me to lay on the floor for the night. I was
crying from all the stress and discomfort. I curled up in
between the two of them in bed with my back facing him. I
remember awaking, he had touched me and it was with his
penis. He had his penis on my back. I know what a penis
feels like; from previous boyfriends and he rubbed it
against my lower back. I rolled over to feel nothing
and immediatly escaped into sleep. Now, a month
later, I have a red welt where and EXACTLY where he did/had
rubbed up against me. Does this mean I could
have herpes, warts, an std? I just wanted to forget about
it but now I am not so sure I have an std. I don’t
want to press charges. I just want
to have it tested, but I am just scared. I forgot about it, when it happened,
but what a bad reminder when I saw the sore… He pays for everything. I
cannot let my mom know about this or I will get kicked out on the street. Can
I go get tested without anyone knowing or pressing charges for the incident?
|The emotions you are feeling are normal, and only your dad is responsible for what happened. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you at our 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Including seeing your primary medical provider, there are other low cost agencies that we can refer you to on the 24Hour Support and Information Line. Remember you did not cause the assault, and you are not to blame for what happened to you.|
when i was 13 5 guys broke into my house and forced me to have sex with them. i had called the police right away and they had done a rape it and made me do multiple reports it has been 4 years now and i haven’t heard anything about this and i either want some kind of justice or atleast want all the stuff that csi took from my room is there any way weave can help me get all this stuff back and recieve couciling because the last year i’ve had horrible nightmares and my boyfriend says i wake up screaming now i know that most of the time the police never give anyhitng back but it has been 4 years and the detective hasnt calle me or anything and these guys live in my nieghorhood and i gave them descriptions and i even found there names and told the cops and they have donenothing.is there anything i can do i know my nightmares will never go away fully i now am trying to use dream catches which work every once and a while but idk what i should do?
|For all evidence held in which a person has been arrested/cited, law enforcement must receive a District Attorney confirmation that the case is closed on all defendants. In some cases, the District Attorney may not release items immediately, pending further investigation or appeals. Law enforcement also must receive a detective release on all assigned cases. So, depending on the status of your case the DA’s Office may not have notified law enforcement to released your items. You might want to follow up with the DA’s Office to learn the status of your case. The healing process from a sexual assault may be life-long. WEAVE offers in-person counseling for survivors of sexual assault, and counseling for significant others (counseling for your boyfriend so he can express his feelings, and learn how to support you). To start the process either call WEAVE’s 24- hour Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952, or come to one of two locations during specific triage hours to speak with a counselor in person at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive, Suite “I”) on Mondays between 4:00 p.m and 7:00 p.m.|
|Yesterday, I received my first professional massage from a licensed male masseur at a local business. I am a gay male, and the masseur happened to also be a gay male. (Post edited for length and content) The massage business sent me a survey this morning, and I gave them my honest opinion, and said that I felt sexually assaulted. It’s been on my mind all day, and I am feeling a lot of guilt, sadness, and don’t know what I should do now. I feel a strong urge to tell my Boyfriend, but I am afraid he will demand that I report the incident to the police, and I am not sure if I want to do that or not. One of my friends told me that I should file a police report, send a letter to the better business bureau, and hire an attorney. My head is spinning now, and all I really want to do is forget this ever happened. I feel angry about it, and unsure of whether this was indeed a sexual assault, or if I am partial to blame? I could really use some advice right now.||Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual activity and what happened to you is not your fault. Regardless of the conversation or your physical reactions, a professional massage therapist should never engage in sexual touching as part of a legitimate massage. You were in a situation where you were vulnerable and the massage therapist took advantage of this and violated professional responsibilities. His actions were wrong and his efforts to shift responsibility to you are unacceptable. The emotions you are feeling are normal. It is good that you have supportive friends you can talk with. WEAVE also has therapeutic counselors available to support you if you wish to talk with a therapist. You can call our Business Line at 916.448.2321 to schedule an intake appointment. If you find you need support sooner, our 24 hour Support & Information Line is always a resource – 916.920.2952. In regards to filing a police report, you clearly have mixed feelings about the matter which are understandable and choosing not to report does not make the assault any less real – WEAVE is here to support you regardless of your choice to report. You may also want to consider reporting his conduct to the state licensing board and to his employer. It is likely this individual has assaulted other clients or will in the future. Please remember you did not cause the assault and you are not to blame for what happened to you.|
|My family has this tradition that all of the women get married before they turn 19 years old. At my brother’s wedding when i was 16 years old my brother’s best friend almost raped me. While my parents wanted the tradition to continue through me they knew i wouldn’t follow the tradition and when i was told about the tradition when i was 13 my brothers and i were appalled. My father offered my brother’s best friend a large sum of cash to have sex with me so that for propriety i would have to marry him. I had a never ending supply of soda and it wasnt until he took me to his hotel room and how relaxed i felt that i realized what was going on. I started screaming and my brothers and brothers-in-law came running and beat the guy until he was unconcious, but by the time they had gotten into the room he had ripped my clothes off and hit me several times to try and get me to be quiet. My parents wouldnt let me call the cops and when i talked to the people at school they lied to them and said it was just my imagination because i had been with them the entire duration of my brother’s wedding reception. That was almost four years ago. I told my best friend who is a guy about it last night because he can’t figure out why i don’t date. I trusted him so i told him what happened and he told me that he didn’t believe me because he was sick and tired of teen girls going to him with sob stories of parental abuse and attempted rape and that if i was serious about it to lift my skirt and prove it. I started crying and he dumped me off on the side of the road in the middle of town and hasn’t talked to me since. I tried to talk to my female best friend about it and all she does is apologize for everything. She knew about the attempted rape and her parents took me in after the fact and helped me get therapy and everything. I’m 19 almost 20 years old now and my best friend who i also thought I was in love with wont even talk to me anymore and i don’t know what to do.||I am sorry to hear about the assault that occurred at the wedding. What is also disappointing and upsetting is the response of both your parents and the male friend that you trusted. Instead of believing you, and supporting you through the healing process, it sounds like those around you were not willing to focus on your needs. Sadly, survivors of sexual assaults often not only deal with the trauma from the assault, but also deal with loved-one’s responses to an assault. As you reached out to others, it seems that they did not have the insight to support you as you needed. Fortunately resources are available to assist you in a nonjudgmental, supportive, and caring way. WEAVE has trained counselors that may be able to provide the services you are still seeking. To learn more about our sexual assault counseling services please contact the Support and information Line at916.920.2952.|
A night of drinking with some friends (all under 21) got
the attention of the guys next door (all over 21). I
don’t know about the other girls’ details but 2 of them
asked me for sex and when I said no, they continued to
encourage until I gave in. I was extremely intoxicated. I
felt horrible after that night and always blamed myself
for several reasons; drinking under age, allowing them
into the apartment, not standing my ground,
Recognizing that what happened to you was rape is an important step in moving past the blame and shame you have carried. You may find that talking with a counselor is beneficial, as well. If you live in the Sacramento region, WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling – to learn more call the 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952. If you live elsewhere, the Support Line advocate can provide you with referrals. In regards to the statute of limitations for prosecuting the crime – it will depend on where you live. Contacting the District Attorney’s Office is a first step to learning if filing charges is still an option.
|i fingered my sister she said she forgives me but i still feel like a failure and a evil person. I somtimes have sucidial thouhts about because it is so bad. What should i do?||Taking responsibility for sexual assaulting another person is a big step. The next step that could be helpful to you is talking to a professional about your actions and learning how not to repeat them. Having feelings of remorse and shame reflect that you know your actions were harmful to your sister, but if those feeling cause you to think about harming yourself, then speaking to a counselor at Suicide Prevention Crisis Line at 916.368.3111 is a great option. WEAVE’s counselors can also provide both you and your sister resources at WEAVE’s Information and Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
I was sexually abused from age 10 to 14 by my aunts
boyfriend who was suppose to be my father figure. He
did everything to me I can imagine. I’m 19 now and
havnt seen him sense I was 14. I just recently told my
aunt. He has also hurt my family with domestic
violence. My aunt and I really want to press charges, is
there still a possible way to? It keeps me up at nights, I
keep thinking of ways of how I could’ve stopped him. My
aunt has assured me
over and over again it’s not my fault. But I can seem to help think that.
|Your aunt is correct, the only person that is responsible for the sexual abuse that happened is only your aunt’s boyfriend. Though you might blame yourself, feel guilty, and even responsible, it was the choice our your aunt’s boyfriend to be abusive. Continuing to talk with others about your experiences is a good way to continue the healing process. Exploring the option of reporting the assaults to law enforcement and learning more about the process of criminal charges being pressed against him can help you decide your next step. You can contact the District Attorney’s Office, or your local law enforcement to learn more. You may also choose to contact WEAVE’s 24 Support and Information Line for additional information, support, and details about our services at 916.920.2952.|
I would like to donate/drop off clothing to a local office.
I live in zip code 95765; please advise where I can do
so, and obtain a receipt for my
donation of womens clothing. Thank you.
WEAVE accepts donations of clothing and small housewares at
our WEAVE Thrift Arden thrift store at 2401 Arden Way.
Donation hours are Sunday: Noon to 3 pm
Monday – Saturday: 10 am to 3 pm. All donors receive a receipt which meets IRS requirements for claiming a deductible donation at the time of the donation.
Do I have the right to file charges since the last incident was so long ago? And if it’s not too late to file charges, how easy and/or difficult would it be to find him guilty? My ex-husband has raped me multiple times and said he raped others. He used to rape me almost on a nightly basis after we divorced, but got back together and were a live-in couple and I believe I may have been drugged during these incidents. (edited for length and content). We finally called it quits in 2005; however, the last incident was in 2011. I didn’t call the police or file charges because I’m afraid of him and he knew where I lived. I recently moved and would like to know now if I have the right to file charges.
|Most crimes have a statute of limitations. To find out the statute for the crimes you are considering reporting to law enforcement, it would be best to speak to the local law enforcement agency that would have had jurisdiction (based on where you were living when the assaults occurred) or the District Attorney’s Office who would prosecute your case. The District Attorney’s Office has victim advocates that can explain the process, and be a supportive of you if you decide to through the process. You may also qualify for a Temporary Restraining Order which would forbid him from contacting you and offer you legal options if he continues to stalk and harass you. WEAVE offers both telephone, and in-person counseling to assist you in the healing process. We will support you with the decision you make that is best for you, and provide tools for your healing from the assaults. To find out more about WEAVE services, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
I was sexually assaulted a year ago. When it happened I did not have insurance and went to a local hospital and from there I was referred to a different hospital to do a rape kit and other tests. It was there that I received pamphlets about WEAVE and what you guys stand for. I did not and currently still do not have insurance. The first hospital I went to sent me a bill home for a large amount of money that I can not afford to pay. I googled online and saw that I can petition with the State of California victims assistance program and they declined my application, saying that I was uncooperative with law enforcement. (I was not uncooperative, I gave them a full statement and made a report. I just did not want to press charges at this time.) I have now been sent to debt collections. Is there any financial assistance other than the State that can help me?
|You may still be eligible for Victim Witness assistance. As with any violent crime, the decision to prosecute is not the victim’s but rather the District Attorney’s Office and you indicate you provided a statement to law enforcement. We recommend recontacting a Victim Witness advocate locally and appealing the denied claim. Please know this can be a lengthy process. If you would like additional support and options, please contact our 24-Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
My fiance was sexually assaulted by a woman (my fiance’s male) and he tried speaking out. he was pretty much told that he’s lying and to shut up. he’s having a hard time dealing with this, and i’m looking for someplace he can get help. are men welcome at weave if they’ve been assaulted themselves?
Overcoming the impact of sexual assault is difficult for all survivors. As your fiance knows, male victims face distinct challenges. Many are not believed and do not receive the support they deserve and need. WEAVE knows that sexual assault can happen to anyone. Your fiance can access counseling at WEAVE in a respectful environment that meets his needs. To start counseling, call our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952 or attend a walk in Triage appointment at WEAVE’s Midtown Counseling Center (1900 K Street) on Tuesdays or Thursdays between 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. or Wednesdays between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Triage is available in the south area at the WEAVE Wellness Center (7600 Hospital Drive) on Mondays between 4 p.m and 7 p.m.
|My friend told me that my husband has been raping me. I know what rape is, and he doesn’t get angry if I agree to what he wants. So I do. Two weeks ago i told him that I didn’t want to, but he wasn’t very happy, so I dont tell him that anymore. Please tell her that he not rapeing me||Sexual assault occurs whenever one person engages in sex with another person, when the other person does not want to. Sexual assaults can be from stranger, family members, acquaintance, dates, and partners. The perpetrator doesn’t need a weapon to meet the legal definition of sexual assault. When one person indicates they do not want to engage in a sex act (the person doesn’t even need to say the word “no”), the other person must not try to coerce, threaten, or force some do do something they do not want to do. To learn more about both the legal definition of sexual assault, and about services WEAVE offers, contact WEAVE’s Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
When I has 5 I was sexually assulted by my grandmas boyfriend. I didnt tell anyone until I was 9, but when someone came to my house to question me I told them that he never touched anything but he tried to. I dont know why I lied, I was young. Now I am almost 16 years old and I think about what happened to me all the time. What should I do? I really hate this man for what he has done to me, is there anything I can do to make him pay for what he has done to me? Also this subject is really tabboo in my house, we havent talked about it since it happened. Im nervous to bring it up.
|The memories and feelings of being sexually assaulted last a lifetime for survivors. When survivors choose to talk about their memories and feelings with others it is an opportunity to continue the healing from the abuse. Often friends and family members of a survivor are not comfortable with the topic, and are not prepared to respond with support and understanding. WEAVE has counseling services for both survivors, and the survivor’s loved ones. To learn more about the in-person counseling services WEAVE provides, and to learn what legal options you have please call our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952.|
Do you do some kind of support group for rape victims? If so where is it? I live in sac county
|WEAVE offers counseling for survivors of sexual assault and we can also provide referrals to other counseling options in Sacramento County. To learn more, please contact our 24-hour Support Line at 916.920.2952 for more information.|
Hi, I’m a 19 year old male, and I’ve recently had a discussion with my father. He revealed to me, that my grandfather, who I trusted completely, is a child molester. My father was sexually abused when he was a child. After about 6 months of knowing this information, I’ve been obsessing about it, and I’m not sure, but I think my grandfather may have fondled me when I was young. I don’t have any SPECIFIC memories, but I just have this feeling that he may have touched me, or made me touch him. How do I know if this is true? I don’t want to confront my grandfather, because I’m not sure it happened, and he doesn’t know that I know he’s an abuser.
|It was very brave of your father to disclose to you what many sexual assault survivors keep secret. By your father talking with you about his experience, it allowed you to think about your experiences with your grandfather. Sometimes survivors of sexual abuse recall the abuse only after many years have passed, and even then memories may seem “fuzzy” when recalled. Before speaking to your grandfather you might consider speaking to a counselor about you the feelings and concerns that you have about your grandfather’s actions towards your father, and possibly you too. WEAVE has a 24 hour Support & Information Line you can call if you need support and to get information about counseling. 916.920.2952.|
I was recently told by a District Attorney that my case is not “clear enough” to prosecute . . . He says he believes me, but I feel like he thinks I’m lying. I was seen at a hospital and did report to the police within hours. I feel like the system is siding with a rapist, while I have to sit here and feel like I must have “asked for it.”!!!
|Always remember the assault was not your fault. Even if the DA’s office opts to not prosecute, it does not mean they do not believe you. Law enforcement & the DA’s Office work towards a common goal to hold perpetrators responsible and for the survivor receive justice. The standards to prosecute are specific and not always consistent with what feels fair. We know survivors may feel re-victimized by the legal system. You can not control the legal process, but you can control how you respond. WEAVE has trained counselors to help with the “emotional roller-coaster” you are experiencing and can help you express the justifiable anger you are feeling. You can take the first step by calling our 24 hour Support & Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
Is it normal if your parents walk around naked knowing you’re uncomfortable with it? [Explicit content.] So i just want to know if this is wrong or not, because i feel like it is and i have depression/ see i psychiatrist but i can’t get up the nerve to tell him about it.
Anything of a sexual nature that is not consensual is not acceptable, no matter your age when this behavior occurred. Because you were a child and the offenders were your parents would make it even more confusing for you, I’m sure. It is important to remember that you are not at fault for any of this abusive behavior. You may contact our 24 hour Support Line at (916) 920-2952 for information and support regarding sexual assault services or the National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1-800-799-7233 to access a counselor for information and support. They can also provide information regarding agencies in your area that can provide counseling related to this issue.
|A man raped my baby sister… [explicit content]. She says she’s fine and she refuses to press charges. She says she just wants to forget about it and move on and even if she did press charges the chances of a conviction would be slim. She doesn’t want to go through a trial… What do I do? I can’t talk to anyone about this, and I’ve tried to deal with the anger but it just won’t go away. What course of action should I take?||It sounds like you are in a lot of pain right now. Your feelings are understandable and very normal. Rape is a traumatic experience and there is no single “right” way to respond to it. It is okay to be angry and to have strong feelings about what happened to your sister. It might be beneficial for you to speak with someone. Please consider calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952. It is completely confidential and trained advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to listen, provide support and also can also provide you with various services and referrals. WEAVE provides free short-term counseling to family members of victims of assault. You can come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, and additional resources.|
|I was Gang Raped when I was 13 years old and never told anyone because one of the Men was a neighbor of my best friend whom lived 5 houses from mine. They threatened to hurt my family and kill me for telling what they did . I never spoke out until recently on my second marriage to a sweet , kind and soft man. I was wondering if I could get help through weave even though it was almost 20 years ago? My parents still live around the neighborhood where I was Raped and the man whom lived buy us and kind of was the leader I say this because it was his house and he lured me over promising my best friend was at his house. When he saw me as I got older he would make it a point to wave or try and get my attention. I have been through a horrible marriage where I was beaten and Assaulted Sexually and verbally for over 7 years. I deal with panic attacks and have triggers that are horrible. I hide in my closet when someone whom is male and Black comes to my door. This has gone on for years and I need help. I have attempted suicide by pills many times over the last 20years recently about 3 years ago and spent time in a Hospital. I actually have tried other times more recent but woke up ashamed it failed or even that I tried. I have been seeing a Psyciatrist but the amount of pills I take is unreal can someone help I feel I need to talk to another Woman my Husband tries to help but I find it hard to tell him everything. Please help and tell me if Weave can help.||Thank you for reaching out. You are not alone. It is great that you are able to identify that you are in of additional support right now. It is never too late to begin the healing process! WEAVE offers a variety of supportive services from individual counseling to support groups at no cost to sliding scale. In order to receive further support and resources, please call our confidential, 24-Hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. Trained advocates are available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week and can provide you with emotional support, information about WEAVE programs and referrals. We know the support and information line can get busy during certain times of day. If possible, call after 4:00 PM and please be patient with us. You may also come in for a free walk-in Triage Assessment Tuesday and Thursday from 10:00 AM – 1:00 PM and Wednesday from 4:00 PM to 7:00 PM. Triage allows you to meet with a trained WEAVE advocate to discuss your options, services you might benefit from, and additional resources.|
|I am a victim of rape, and I was being seen at a sacramento location, and was wondering if there was a way to find out the name of my counselor, because she was moved to another state, yet, she is the one who helped me the most. I am having a very hard time right now, and could really use someone to talk with. Can anyone help me out? I am coming up on a hard part of the year, and do not believe I can get through this without being able to tell all too.||It is wonderful that you are aware and able to identify that you are in of additional support right now. Surviving and healing from an assault is a process. If your previous counselor moved away, it might be helpful to try seeing someone new. Please consider calling WEAVE’s business line at 916.448.2321 to reconnect with services.|
|I am concerned about my friend. She told me a horrible story about drinking and meeting a group of young men that raped her and then took her stuff. She did blackout that night. I think she is in denial about what happened to her she says she is very angry but she doesn’t know where to put her anger. She has started isolating herself and I found her recently alone at a bar very drunk. Since she is in denial she doesn’t think going to weave or talking to anybody will help. I don’t know what I can do for her right now. Any suggestions please. Thank you.||Rape is a very traumatic experience and there is no single “right” way to respond. It sounds like your friend isn’t quite sure how to deal with the feelings she is having right now and that can be very frustrating to watch. Support is available to her, and you as well. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952 anytime to receive support and learn more about services WEAVE offers. While it may be frustrating for you and those around her, your friend must be make the decision on her own to start dealing with the assault. It is important she knows there are people around her who care about her and support her no matter what. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line is also available to you as a concerned friend.|
|my granddaughter is four years old she talks about sex all day. shes afraid of the police cause daddy went to jail for hitting mommy. its so much more to tell what this only four year old child is going thru mom said she feel sorry for him and plans to go back with abusive man who is doing something to her daughter thats not his the younger one is she talk sexual but dont display sexual activities like her sister||It sounds like you are in a very challenging situation. Any concerns or suspicions of childhood sexual abuse should be reported to the 24 Hour Child Abuse Hotline: (916) 875-5437 (875-KIDS). You can also call WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options, services, and to receive support.|
|I AM A 25 YEARS OLD FEMALE, AND I WAS RAPED WHEN I WAS 13. I HAD BEEN REALLY SCARED TO SPEAK UP AND TELL ANYONE. I RECENTLY TOLD MY HUSBAND AND WE WANT TO AT LEAST REGISTER THIS PERSON AS A SEX OFFENDER, OR DO AS MUCH AS WE CAN TO HAVE HIM PAY THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS HORRIBLE ACTION. HOW DO WE DO THIS? IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO SINCE ITS BEEN MORE THAN 10 YEARS? PLEASE HELP||Thank you for reaching out. You can contact law enforcement and they will let you know if you can still make a report. It is wonderful that you are seeking support. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of sexual assault. You can learn more about WEAVE services, support groups and options by calling WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952. You may come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am – 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.|
|I don’t know what to do! I was pushed up against my car by a guy in old Roseville and was touched places I didn’t want to be touched. And now everytime I close my eyes I relive it. I can’t seem to forget but it. And I’ve been really depressed. What do I do?||What you are feeling is normal. You are not alone and WEAVE is here for you. Please consider calling WEAVE’s 24-hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952. A trained advocate can provide emotional support as well as connect you with WEAVE services and resources, if you are interested. They are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.|
|It’s been years since… It happened and it’s destroying my life. I never told anyone and I’m laying here next to my snoring Gf at 3 am shaking. I can’t work I have panic attacks. Where do I go for help, it’s got to get better||Thank you for reaching out. That is the first step! You are not alone. We are here to help. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offers a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I need to find a free sexual assault support group near me.. (Citrus Heights or nearby Sacramento). Can you help me find one?||WEAVE offers sexual assault support groups. Please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to learn about options and resources. You may come in for a free triage assessment on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 am - 1 pm and Wednesdays from 4 pm – 7 pm.|
|I was Rapped when i was 14 years old i will be 16 next month. My parents know and we have contacted the police. I waited to long to tell my parents because i was scared to talk about it and i didnt want them to know i was drinking. When my parents had found out it was to late for me..the guy had gotten away with it. a coupel months later i was jumped by a group of guys for “Snitching’ i have never seen these guys before is there anything i can do…. I really want to talk to other people about what i went through and what has made me stronger and also to listen to other peoples storys.. please help thankyou||It can be an empowering decision to decide to tell someone safe about a sexual assault and telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. It’s never too late to begin the healing process. WEAVE offeres a 24-hour Support and Information Line, as well as support groups. To learn more, please call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I am in need of sexual assault counseling, but I work out of town and am not able to make it to the triage times. What can I do?||WEAVE offers triage on Wednesdays from 4pm to 7pm to meet the needs of individuals working until 5pm. If that does not work for you then WEAVE can offer you referrals to other agencies who may offer counseling at later times. For referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|My niece was raped and beaten this last April. She is now very provacative. How do get her to understand she needs help?||Rape is a traumatic experience to which there is no single “right” way to respond. It is important that your niece know that support is available to her. She can call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information at 916.920.2952 anytime to receive support and learn more about our services. WEAVE can also offer her counseling when she is ready. While it may be frustrating for you and those around her, your niece knows best when she is ready to seek additional assistance in dealing with the assault. It is important she knows there are people around her who care about her and support her. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support & Information Line is also available to you as a concerned family member. You, too, can call it at anytime to talk with a trained counselor about how best to support your niece.|
|Was gang-raped 15 years ago, got a ton of counseling, live a happy life, but still terrified of the dark. Will it ever change?||The feelings of fear may or may not totally go away, however, it is most common that they will diminish greatly. Sometimes anniversaries and life events can re-trigger memories and symptoms. If this is continues to be bothering you, perhaps it is time to check back in with a qualified therapist. You may call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line for emotional support and referrals.|
|how do i know if i was raped?||Sexual assault is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you do not want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sex act, it is sexual assault. For emotional support and resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|Need to leave abusive bf i need a place to move to i hav two evictions cant find a place to help.but hav a job.and the money.||The WEAVE Safehouse may be an option for you. To access WEAVE services and/or for referrals call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|How old do the parties have to be for sexual assualt/rape to be considerd.Specificly,17 yr old male & 15 yr female?||In the state of California, Unlawful Sexual Intercourse, commonly known at Statutory Rape, states the minimum age someone must be to have sex is 18. People below this age are considered children and cannot legally agree to have sex. There is no age limitation for rape/sexual assault. is not only rape; it is also any unwanted sexual activity. Even if you have said “yes” to sex with the person before, or you are in a relationship, no one has the right to have sex with you or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Any time you do not say “yes” to a sexual act, it is sexual assault. If you have been sexually assaulted it is very important that you seek medical attention as soon as possible for several reasons: -To treat any injuries. -To check for possible pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. -To collect evidence for a criminal case. For emotional support and resources call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|how important is it to tell someone if you were raped? even if it happened a long time ago.||It is an empowering decision to decide to tell someone about a sexual assault. It is an important factor in what makes you who you are now and the experiences you’ve had. If you find you are having difficulties in your relationships (romantic or otherwise) due to your sexual assault, it might be liberating to tell others about it and share your story. Telling someone about the sexual assault may assist you in your healing process. For emotional support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line at 916.920.2952.|
|My daughter says she was raped 10 years ago at age 9 by an older boy at a friends house. Do you have help for something that old||Your daughter may be experiencing post traumatic stress disorder. This is very common with sexual assault survivors. WEAVE provides counseling and support services for survivors of sexual assault. Please have your daughter call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952 to access counseling services.|
|I was sexaul Assault by my brother-in-law three different times. We are a close family so I see him all the time. what can i do||Surviving sexual assault is a challenging journey. When you have been assaulted by someone you know and must continue to see, it can make the journey even more difficult. WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information Line is always available to offer you support and insight. The number is 916.920.2952. You may also want to schedule an initial meeting with a WEAVE Counselor to determine if individual or group counseling may be beneficial to you. WEAVE’s counselors understand the challenges every survivor faces and are here to help with understanding the many emotions you may feel and to help you stay safe while working through the many emotions you feel. You can request information about the counseling process by calling the Support and Information Line. WEAVE is here to support you in whatever way you feel is best at this time and will remain here for you if your needs change in the future.|
|What should I do since my case was dropped without my okay with it?||It appears that your case may be a criminal case; however WEAVE would need more details. If it is a criminal case call the DA’s office at 916.876.6171. If this is a family law or domestic violence restraining order case call WEAVE’s Legal Department at 916.319.4905. For Support and Information about WEAVE services and your situation call 916.920.2952.|
|i was drugged and now im so confused can you really help me. i cant go to the police can i get help without having to make repor||Whether or not you report the assault to law enforcement, it is important to get checked out medically for any injuries, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted diseases. WEAVE Advocates are available to you on the 24-Hour Support and Information Line for support and will not judge you. An Advocate can provide you with options and emotional support. The Support and Information Line is 916.920.2952.|
|i was 18, he was 16 and sexually assaulted me- he’s my brother, what can i do?||You are not alone. WEAVE offers counseling services that may help you during this difficult time. To receive counseling services and for support call WEAVE’s 24 hour Support and Information line at 916.920.2952.|
|My son-in-law sexually assaulted me 4 times in 2 years. I finally told my daughter and she doesn’t believe me. What do i do?||It is important to know that the assault was not your fault and to make sure you are creating a support system for yourself. Unfortunately, your daughter may not be capable of being part of that support system at this time. It is common for family members to be in disbelief when they know the perpetrator. WEAVE offers services to help you in creating the support system. When you are ready, WEAVE can offer counseling that can help you build coming skills and provide support for healing. You also have access to WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line by calling 916.920.2952. You are not alone and WEAVE is here to help.|
|Every Sunday my husband wants sex. He does what he wants to my body. I stay silent. I don’t want to. Is this sexual abuse?||If your partner minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex and/or forces you to perform unwanted sex acts this is considered sexual abuse. You deserve to be in a relationship where your feelings and wants are respected. Love should not hurt. WEAVE offers an Educational Workshop about domestic violence, sexual assault and WEAVE’s crisis intervention and counseling services on Mondays from 5:45-7:30 PM and Fridays from 11:45 AM- 1:30 PM. For support and more information please call the 24 Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I know a student has been sexully assaulted on a high school campus. The school has yet to notify parents of this situation.||Sexual assaults on campus are frightening for students and parents alike. School policy will dictate how and when parents are notified. If you know the student who was the victim of the assault, please encourage her to seek support to deal with the impact of the assault. WEAVE’s 24 hour crisis line is available to the student, her family and friends by calling 916.920.2952.|
|It’s been 20 years since I was raped. I have to deal with it. Can you help?||It is good you are seeking help. Surviving a rape - regardless of how long ago – is a process and WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers counseling services to survivors of sexual assault. You can learn more about the counseling options and request a counseling appointment by contacting our 24 hour Crisis & Information Line at 916.920.2952. The 24 hour Crisis Line is also a support system for you to use anytime you need to talk about the assault and its impact on your life.|
|im a victim of a recent gang sexual assult.Im being threatend by them.Cops arent helping.I have no money to move away.Help???||You are not a alone and WEAVE is here to help. WEAVE offers many services that can assist you. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to obtain information about Victim Witness and about our services. A Crisis Line Counselor will be able to provide emotional support and referrals.|
|a man 26 years older than me pressured me to be on the phone while he played with himself i feel violated was i?||You have every right to feel violated. It is a form of sexual assault if he is forcing you to do something without your consent. Please call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and more information about WEAVE services.|
|I told him I didn’t want sex at the beginning of the night, but he kept on pushing; I gave in the next morning. Is it assault?||It is sexual assault when you tell him once that you do not want to have sex. At that point, he is required by law to immediately stop what he is doing. Submission does not mean consent. For more support and information, you may call WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|45 yr old male molested a 2 yr old 33 yrs ago when he was 12 years old.Minor is an adult now,No current child danger.Reportable?||The incident is not reportable to Child Protective Services because the survivor is over the age of 18. You may contact law enforcement and they will let you know if they can make an incident report. You may contact WEAVE’s Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and support.|
|A friend of mine was raped is this the best place for her to seek help?||First let your friend know the rape is not their fault and that they are not alone. WEAVE offers individual counseling for sexual assault survivors. Your friend may talk with a triage counselor on the Crisis Line to decide what programs and options are best for them. WEAVE’s Crisis Line is 916.920.2952.|
|I have a girl that has told me she has been sex. assaulted, but won’t tell. She doesnt want parents to know. Guy has threatened||If you believe this child has been sexually abused, please report it to the authorities so that she may receive help and support. Threats by abusers are common and she can be reassured that she will be protected.|
|What could be done for a 19 year old young lady, who lives at home, and has been assaulted by the father she still lives at home||The survivor may contact law enforcement about the assault. She may also contact the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for support and shelter referrals. The Crisis Line will be able to provide information about our Temporary Restraining Order Workshop as well.|
|I think I’m a victim of non-contact molestation, does this count as actually being molested?||I encourage you to call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 to discuss your situation in more detail. A counselor will be able to provide emotional support and give you resources and referrals.|
|Can sexually assaulted males get help from weave too?||WEAVE have services such as counseling and advocacy for males. Please call the Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more information on obtaining those services.|
|I was referred here in hopes of pressing charges, but its been about twenty years since my molestation. what are my options?||You can contact law enforcement and they will let you know if you can make a report. Although WEAVE does not offer counseling for molestation, we have referrals for agencies that specialize in molestation. Please feel free to call our Crisis Line at (916) 920-2952 for more referrals and emotional support.|
|Is it a sexual assult when a 16yo has oral/anel sex with 18yo? The 16yo is now being humiliated by him, can she get help?||It is sexual assault when a 16 year old has oral and anal sex with a 18 year old. In California, nobody under the age of 18 can consent to sex. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling to survivors of 13+ years. If the perpetrator is harassing the 16 year old, WEAVE can help with filing for a Temporary Restraining Order. Please call the Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information on how to receive our services and to explore other options.|
|Im 16 I have been sexually assulted numerous times by friends and cousins? Why does it always happen, and how can I avoid it?||We are so sorry to hear you have been a victim of numerous acts of sexual assault. Nothing you did caused the assaults to happen. The only reason why you were assaulted was because your friends and cousins are perpetrators. Therefore, they are the only ones who could stop it. You do have several options of what you could do now. You can contact law enforcement and make reports of the incidents since what they did to you is a crime. And, you could get into counseling to help you process everything. You might want to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 to talk about your situation and receive support and guidance.|
|HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH ASKING FOR HELP WHEN YOU ARE SO ASHAMED TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED IN THE FIRST PLACE?||Shame is a common feeling among people who have been abused and it’s sometimes helpful to know that you are definitely not alone in being abused and your feelings that come with it. A good first step would be to call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There, you could be anonymous and everything you say would be confidential, but you could still express your feelings and receive the support that you need while going over your options.|
|I’M TRYING TO FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVORS BUT I’M HITTING BRICK WALLS EVERYWHERE I LOOK; ANY HELP AT ALL?||We are sorry to hear the search has been stressful. WEAVE does have support groups for sexual assault survivors which might be what you are looking for. For more information, please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I was sexually abused as a child. Last Sunday I was assaulted and almost raped. I feel like I am to blame. Can you help?||No one asks to be assaulted or sexually abused which is why none of this is your fault. The only ones to blame are the perpetrators because they were the ones to do this to you. WEAVE offers sexual assault counseling services which can help you in regard to your recent assault. We can also give you referrals to other counseling agencies that can help you with your past sexual abuse as a child. Please call our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 for more information and to receive support while having someone to talk to.|
|No memory of “falling asleep” on date, woke up very groggy, sore, and with slightly bruised thighs. Could I have been raped?||Yes, it is possible that you have been raped. Some things that you could do now are go to the hospital to get checked out, go to law enforcement, or get into counseling. A good first step would be to contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 and speak with one of our Crisis Line Counselors about what you went through and what you are feeling right now and they can give you options, depending on what you want to do.|
|perpetrator of sexual crime soon released from prison. i as the survivor would like to relocate. what help can i recieve||Our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 can give you some referrals that can possibly help you relocate. Please call for more information and for support during this difficult time.|
|My ex b/f hurt in a some sexual ways and always hit me i keep having dreams of it and feel like i am reliving it what can i do?||The process for healing from trauma is different for each individual, and the way the mind and body responds to the past trauma is just as varied. One way to heal from a traumatic experience is by talking to a trained counselor. WEAVE provides both individual and group counseling that may help you with the healing process. By contacting WEAVE’s 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952 you can continue the healing process and learn more about the many services we offer.|
|My husband has sexually assaulted me on several occassions. I am so confused. What do I do?||You have many choices that you can explore on the Crisis Line. From reporting the abuse to law enforcement, receiving in-person counseling at WEAVE, or talking anonymously to a counselor on the Crisis Line. After talking with a Crisis Line counselor you may choose any and all of the choices to assist you with the healing process and increase your safety. To learn about your choices, please speak to a trained counselor at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|My husband is verbally/mentally/sexually abusive. I’m in counseling he is not until next week. What are my options?||WEAVE offers many services that can assist you, including in-person counseling, legal assistance, and a Safehouse where you could stay up to 45 days. To explore which of the many services best meet your current needs, please talk with one of our counselors at our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952.|
|I was molested as a child & would like to help others in the same situation. Can you tell me where to get started?||A powerful way to turn a traumatic event in one’s life into something positive, after the healing process has occurred, is to help others that have experienced similar trauma. WEAVE does not provide services for those healing from childhood molestation, but we do refer callers to other local agencies. Please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line to receive the name and phone numbers of those agencies at 916.920.2952.|
|My husband is verbally/mentally abusive. I do not want to have sex but he yells at me and throws things. What do you suggest?||You have already taken a very important first step, identifying your husband’s actions as abuse. The next step would be to consider if you want to make changes to have a relationship without abuse. Both you and your husband can choose to make changes if you are both willing. We strongly suggest that couples that have domestic violence issues not attend couples counseling for safety reasons. To learn more about the many services WEAVE can offer you, please contact our 24-Hour Crisis Line at 916.920.2952. There are services available to help your husband learn to not be abusive that we can refer him to. While your husband receives assistance, you could receive support from WEAVE’s counseling.|
|My ex forced me to have sex May 15, 2006. He’s always been verbally/emotionally abusive. I was violated. Can I still report it?||The statute of limitations on reporting an assault varies, but usually is more than just a few years. Spousal rape is a crime, and based on a variety of factors, can be punishable with incarceration. There are both legal and emotional benefits to making a report to the proper law enforcement agency. If you choose to report or not please contact our counselors at 916.920.2952 to discuss your options and receive support. In-person counseling services would always be available to you, no matter how long ago the assault took place.|
|How can I get over what happened to me?||You may find that friends and family expect that you should be ready to move on with your life as soon as they are ready to stop thinking about it. Those who understand sexual assault know that the trauma is not a simple thing to recover from. Being assaulted affects everyone differently, and everyone recovers at his or her own pace. Most people who are assaulted experience symptoms of Rape Trauma Syndrome and, although symptoms do get better over time, it is very normal to continue to think about and deal with the assault long after it happened. Getting counseling can provide you with a safe person to talk to and skills to cope with your feelings and reactions. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to react or feel a certain way. There is no time period or deadline when you should “get over it”. Healing from such a violation is a complicated and individual process. Take as long as you need to let yourself heal.|