If you are in an abusive relationship or have a former partner that continues to stalk and harass you, the holidays can be a time of increased volatility. Custody exchanges, costs of the holidays, attending more functions that often include alcohol, and many other reasons can result in abusers being more unpredictable and increased violence. We also understand that it may be important to you to stay with the abuser through the holidays and we respect your decision. WEAVE encourages all survivors to plan for their safety during the holidays with these facts in mind. Family and friends should also be aware of the instability and understand how to support the survivor in a way that respects the survivor’s needs and ensures safety.

In addition to our Safety Planning guides for survivors and their families and friends found at the top of the page, some factors to keep in mind during the holidays:

• Even if you are living apart from the abuser, have a plan for safe shelter. If you think you may need confidential shelter, contact WEAVE’s Support & Information Line to learn about your options and to be screened to enter the Safehouse, if necessary – 916.920.2952.
• If you share custody with the abuser, know that exchanges during the holidays can be dangerous. If you fear the abuser, arrange for custody exchanges to occur when you do not have to be present (i.e. drop off/pick up at a shared friend’s home or daycare). If you must be present, insist that exchanges occur in public places such as a restaurant or at a Police/Sheriff Department parking lot.
• The holidays may be a time of attending more parties and increased alcohol consumption. Have a plan to get home safely (taxi, friend, etc.) if the abuser becomes angry or threatening. Call 911 if you feel you are in danger when leaving an event.

If you are a family member or friend that witnesses abusive behavior during the holidays or any other time, please remember:

• The survivor knows their relationship and is the only person who can decide what is best. Respect their decisions.
• A survivor may want to stay through the holidays for their children, to have a place to live, etc. Respect this as a valid choice.
• If you are concerned, tell your friend/family member but do so appropriately. Talk to them away from the abuser where you can share your concern and let them know you are a safe person. Do not demand that they leave or do what you think is best – this only isolates them more. Do not confront the abuser – this may put the survivor in danger. Let them know that WEAVE is a resource.