Frequently Asked Questions

If you do not see your question below, call the 24-Hour Crisis Line.

How can I make it stop

Should I believe that my abuser will change

Why do they do it

I want to save my marriage. How can WEAVE help

I decided to leave the relationship. How do I keep myself from going back

How can I tell if I am the abuser

Are my children destined to become violent

I am already out of my relationship. Can I still come to WEAVE

I'm out of the relationship, but now I don't trust anyone. What can I do


How can I make it stop?

You're not responsible for your partner's behavior. You can only control your actions and choices. We have suggestions for keeping yourself safe in our safety planning portion of this website. By learning information about domestic violence at WEAVE and gaining insight about your relationship, you will be empowered to make decisions that promote being safe and respected. Back to top»

Should I believe that my abuser will change?

Violence is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned. It is also part of a belief system. In order to change, the abuser must change both behaviors and beliefs. Simple apologies won't make changes. Until the abuser stops blaming you or others, and starts being accountable and responsible for personal actions, nothing will change. Back to top»

Why do they do it?

There are various factors that may contribute to domestic violence like drug abuse, mental health or financial stress but they are not necessarily causes. Since you are unable to control what the abuser does, we encourage you to keep the focus on yourself to make the best decisions for your safety and health. Back to top»

I want to save my marriage. How can WEAVE help?

WEAVE does not advocate couples counseling when there is active domestic violence because it is not safe. We recommend that both partners receive counseling separately to address their particular issues. If both partners engage in services and are able to be together without violence then couples counseling is an option for the next stage in healing. WEAVE serves survivors and can give referrals to programs for abusers. Once the domestic violence has been addressed, we also refer to couples therapists. Back to top»

I decided to leave the relationship. How do I stop myself from going back?

For those who chose to leave the relationship, many have strong desires go back. Try to remember that it's a package deal - you won't get the good without the bad unless there is commitment to change. If you want to call your abuser and know it is useless, call the crisis line instead. Build a support network. Remember the cycle. Back to top»

How can I tell if I am the abuser?

This can be confusing. Many abusers blame the victim for their behavior and call them abusive. You can look at who is initiating the abuse and if it is to gain power and control over the other person. Reactive anger is often associated with being abused. You may be assisted in understanding your dynamics better by talking to our crisis line. Back to top»

Are my children destined to become violent?

Many violent adults grew up in violent homes. But many non-violent adults also grew up in violent homes and chose non-violence. When children see healthy alternatives, they will have an easier time choosing non-violence. Back to top»

I am already out of my relationship. Can I still come to WEAVE?

WEAVE provides services for your healing regardless of how long ago the abuse occurred and whether or not you are still in your relationship. Counseling can be helpful for not reentering an abusive relationship by learning about red flags and healthy relationships. Back to top»

I'm out of the relationship, but now I don't trust anyone. What can I do?

It's natural to want to protect yourself after being abused and learning to trust again is a process. Allow yourself time, don't feel rushed into any relationship, and keep coming to WEAVE. Back to top»